I've been playing Emerald Beyond for a while now, and lately, something strange has been happening. I keep seeing visions and images of what a remake of Unlimited SaGa might be today, rebuilt into the same style and structure as Emerald Beyond.
Exploration
It seems like such a perfect fit. You freely run around flat, storybook-like dungeons with pop-ups that you can interact with. Depending on the order of things you do, events unfold differently instead of using a time limit. Emerald Beyond's worlds already feel dungeon-like, and a potential Unlimited SaGa remake could be the same without losing the original feel of the game. They could use their same Unity engine for the remake, and it would work fine.
Battle System: Timeline
In such a remake, I think it's best to do something like Minstrel Song where the original game systems are overhauled while retaining the original concept.
What if a revised battle system for Unlimited SaGa is yet another variation of Scarlet Grace and Emerald Beyond? The timeline is already there in Unlimited SaGa. In fact, Emerald Beyond's combo system very closely matches Unlimited SaGa. Characters with similar speeds next to each other can combo, but if a monster is wedged in the timeline between those characters, the combo will be broken. It's the same idea, just much more visible and interactive in Emerald Beyond. The remake can just adopt Emerald Beyond's combo system wholesale and it would feel right. What would be different is Unlimited SaGa's party swapping and skill ecosystem.
Battle System: Party Swapping & Healing
Unlimited SaGa is the only game that gives you access to your entire roster of characters in the same fight. This ties into its healing system, where inactive characters restore health. This mechanic alone adds an incredible amount of complexity by itself, since it expands your available options ten-fold and gives purpose to making sure your entire roster is fully-geared. This alone is where Unlimited SaGa shines the most, as it nothing quite matches the level of attrition battles become, and it's as exciting as it is terrifying. The only problem is that this health restoration needs to be much more visible, with a big "+120HP" (for example) pop-up every turn for inactive characters.
Battle System: HP/LP and Skills
The biggest drawback of Unlimited SaGa is how invisible and confusing a lot of its mechanics are. The "third pillar" of its battle system suffers from the same problem, and that is its HP/LP system and how weapon arts interact with it. While it is definitely interesting, I think this part of the battle system should be scrapped altogether and replaced with Emerald Beyond's ecosystem.
That means, instead of arts being balanced around speed, accuracy, HP damage and LP damage potential, the LP part would be swapped out with BP cost. It would be a significant change, where HP cost would be gone, HP recovery would be gone as well, replaced with a BP system that regenerates for inactive characters. BP would be per-character instead of shared.
This system would still fit with Unlimited SaGa's focus on heavy and light weapons/arts. Instead of heavy weapons/attacks dealing more HP damage and lighter ones dealing more LP damage, heavy weapons would cost more BP while light weapons would be cheaper and more BP-cost-efficient. This would switch the roles of heavy/light weapons for normal/boss battles, but it would make more intuitive sense. You would also be able to apply strategies like keeping one character in the backline as an "artillery-style glass cannon" that only appears at the end of battle to do that massive, high-BP move.
The Reels
While these were interesting for reinforcing that tabletop gameplay concept, I think it's too controversial to be left intact. I'm fine with it personally, but what I dislike is that it takes attention away from other, less-flashy-but-brilliant ideas like the party-swapping/healing system.
The Shape
Scarlet Grace uses a lot of circles. Emerald Beyond uses a lot of triangles and diamonds. Unlimited SaGa already has its growth panels that are hexagons. So, hexagons would be the main UI theme for a potential remake, I would say. It fits and stays true to the game.
Closing Thoughts
I always feel that Unlimited SaGa never got a fair chance and deserves a remaster with built-in guides to fix its reputation. However, a brand new game in the same vein as Minstrel Song that simply takes inspiration from its predecessor would be amazing as well. Same characters, same unique, ethereal, mystical vibe of a misty world beneath the Seven Wonders, but "back-propagating" newer innovations and lessons learned back to rejuvenate the old product.
Before now, the idea of a full-on Unlimited SaGa remake felt a bit out-of-grasp. With two big games now that are table-top style, not to mention other similar titles like Voice of Cards and Dungeon Encounters, the world seems primed for a remake of this game like never before.
Something like Unlimited SaGa: Prismatic Wonders. A sequel to Emerald Beyond as well as a throwback to the most underrated mainline SaGa in the series.

I want to get 1.0ctw emerald stud earrings. I can from a local jeweler but they use the standard butterfly back style earrings. I got my ears pierced with labret studs and much prefer having that flat back.
My piercer said BVLA or any company they have don't offer ~5mm studs but if I brought the gems to them they could send to BVLA to have custom set for a labret like they offer.
I didn't think of some questions while at my piercer so thought I'd ask here till I can go back.

• Does anyone have experience with this custom setting from them?
  
• How are wait times now a days? I remember reading about BVLA having huge wait times, some up to a year...
  
• Any idea on approx cost if the gem is not taken into account?
  
• What do their settings look like from the back? Are they open to let more light in? You can't see anything on their website
  

Thanks for any help!

[Let me know if a chapter a week is okay; I'm thinking it might be a bit too often. Run Zero: https://redd.it/1csb71x Run One: https://redd.it/1cwxbsg]
The mining foreman refused to go to sleep, and watched intently as Tightniks finally reached over and set it home with one hand. Its last nervous little sigh was the only thing he remembered-
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...
32s: First trap.
He built it big this time, and there are six trimps in there. They look familiar somehow, the light one with dark hair and an unusually short and broad tail compared to the rest, a big-eared green one, a grey one, a yellow one, and a red one with big paws and "XIII" on its rump, and a brown one with pink ears that takes the lead and cheers, "Kakka!" Once he lets them out, they all follow him intently around like just-hatched birds do their mother. He shows them the busted off cockpit and forward cabin of the ship he just crashed and they get inside and start da- ...nope, sticking with "dancing". He busies himself looking for the survival pad.
Until he hears the squeak of a baby trimp. They're feeding it- ...rocks. Carefully selected, aluminate rocks. What the heck are they doing? Whatever, I've got to get some conventional food for- What's that? He's got the survival pad already, but this was outside the ship, it must have materialized when he descended through that glowing grey mist getting out. He gets it flipped over and turned on.
"Manual portal activation 2 successful:" it displays, "rare shield equipped 54%Stg 14%Atk MT 0 Nu loaded / 399 He loaded / Metal challenge active / Total portal activation 956"
Metal challenge? The human selects it.
"You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to bring you to an alternate reality, where the concept of Miners does not exist, to force yourself to become frugal with equipment crafting strategies. If you complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling the challenge, miners will re-unlock."
He's so confused, What the Loy is a Dimension of Anger? I think I have a headache from this high gravity. Sits down for a moment.
Notices that one of the trimps is sleeping in a small deep hole just at the edge of the garden, apparently to have a nap in standing upright.
I don't believe you, "portal". I'm training that one first chance I get!
56s: Pop full.
There are ten of them already?? I'm still working this derpy little potato patch to get enough food to bulk up just ONE of the- He looks at the portal pad and blurts out loud, "Fifty-six SECONDS??" He postulates that he's in a time-dilated environment, and that the portal is measuring time somewhere "out there", this "map frame" environment. It's like those Star Trek episodes he can't remember "Wink of an Eye" and "Blink of an Eye" that he can't quite remember. [One of them is Star Trek TOS, and one of them is Star Trek: Voyager and I forget which one came from where.]
1m57s: Arable in Z1c13.
The human walks along and one of the trimps viciously fights the various hostiles that try to come at him, staying ahead. Just behind, he finds that hole-digger busted into a cave big enough for 9 of them, and they start raising babies to fill it up.
3m37s: Miners in Z1c30.
It's broken! he notices of the data card he just picked up. It's one of the ones that flew out of the ship when he undogged the ship's side hatch, but it didn't survive. What was on it? He's got a vague memory of a big tanuki-tailed trimp, much bigger than the- Wait! This memory is of hole-digger all grown up. So this is- he looks at the smashed data card in his hand, ...this is the Miners card. At least there's some lying about so we're not totally deprived of metal.
That's odd. I'm sure I spent longer training this little guy than "one second map frame." The human looks at the black trimp with the grey head fur and silvery eyes, "So, can you say something yet?"
"Shijou." [Takane and Takanya are not black, it is their favorite clothing color.]
"Okay, can you say something else?"
9m12s: Zone 1, 40 pop, 3.5s RC with Z0/1, 13m19s turkimp. 12m55s: First scientist.
"Tai," his first scientist waves at him.
"Hmm," the human tries to think of a better test, "What color is the sky?"
"Shijou." The exasperated human is about to sigh in despair when he notices a card in its hands, with one word on it, "Blue."
"What?" he takes it, "You can't speak but you can write, huh?"
"Shijou," it twirls its paw off the end of the card in his hand. The human turns it over, and in small writing, it has "Technically, the sky isn't blue, it's a foible of Rayleigh scattering in an oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere. And you have 'TIGHTNIKS' embroidered on the left side of your uniform."
A look of astonishment sweeps over the human. I never taught it about Rayleigh scattering. Apparently, the scientist training has unlocked its brain to access the collected knowledge of a previous life! Then he looks at his uniform and groans, spanking his eyebrows in realization. The trimp had apparently noticed him wandering around the camp wracking his brain and talking to himself trying to remember his own name, and it's right there the whole time! He spanks his eyebrows again.
The very well fed grey-headed trimp starts doing experiments, leaving him to take the turkimp back to his farmers. Too bad it's only a quarter as fast at it as he is.
32m25s: Zone 3, 79 pop, 4.5s RC with Z1/2; c16, 79 pop, 6.8s RC with Z2/3.
"Nano! Nano, nano, nano." The D&B (that's dodge and block) foreman has an impressive yellow mane, light face, green body, and brown hind limbs, and moves like a blur when it decides to. When asleep, it's as unarousable as an exhumed fossil, except with the food article Yellow the scientist calls an "owny geary". [Puchim@s Afuu]
Helping it out is a brown-maned white trenching expert Tightniks finds oddly familiar. It has no problem mining, but couldn't start a fire if its life depended on it, so smelting is out of the question.
I guess that's how the Metal challenge really works. Too bad I suck at it. Tightniks is spending all his smelting time smacking out nails and joist hangers for the houses, and has nothing left for fighting gear.
1h53m25s: Zone 9, 306 pop, 7.9s RC with Z8/15, no turkimp.
The white trimp with the brown head fur- ...whichever one it is because it, or one that looks just like it, sometimes (apparently) burns itself up or blows itself up trying to build a metallurgical furnace. This one is digging a hole right now, into the concrete of some ruined building's foundation. It hits some strapping and rebar, makes a happy sound, follows it along and gets it sorta clear of the concrete bonded to it, and rips it out of the ground to throw on the metal pile. It now seems content to do that instead of trying to smelt ores.
"Red?" Tightniks glances at one of his scientists, "Do you think we could take it to- What's that place you said you visited five hundred years after some misty fight or-"
"Cloudy strife," it says, "Yeah, Midgimp is like that, we could probably map a route through there. Lots of metal. Especially the part that had an avalanche happen and fell down. Broke all that stuff out of the ground already." [Final Fantasy VII and Advent Children cinematic and Sector 7 collapse.]
"Okay," Tightniks says, "Let's do that."
5h32m02s: Zone 21, 2042 pop, 14.9s RC with Z20/232, no turkimp.
"Ooooookay," Tightniks growls, "There is something off about this thing."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the yellow one with concern about their human starship pilot friend.
The human stoops, picks up the little green gem on the ridge between Zone 20 and 21, looks at it, huffs, and asks, "Any idea where this comes from?"
"Err..." the red one seems hesitant to say, "I think you made it."
"Really?" the human huffs, "How could that be?" Then he tosses it at Red, "See if anything reacts to it. It might be radioactive, so we should take turns to minimize exposure."
"Really?" Red's holding it now, "What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm pissed off for no reason I can figure out," the human says, "I think it's coming from-" he gasps, "Waitamint!" He starts searching for the portal pad.
"Frags," the red one says quickly, "I think it's arranging a route. You're good with maps," it tosses the gem to the grey scientist.
The human has his portal pad up and reads aloud, "You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to- yada yada yada. Tiss tiss t- complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling- miners will re-unlock."
\BOOM\** They turn to see (another of) the white brown-haired trimp'/s' attempts at a metallurgical furnace explode, and it seems both very frustrated and has really hurt its toe.
He snaps his fingers, "That's gotta be it. Although, does it mean 'miners' or 'furnaces'?" He re-reads the portal pad while the scientists shrug.
"Shijou," the grey one has just finished tracing the route map the gem was showing.
"Are we going any faster than on previous cycles, you think?" he asks Red.
"What's a cycle?" Red asks.
"We're stuck in time loop, you realize?" the human says.
"Well," the yellow one jumps off a little rock spire it was using to see farther ahead, directly into a seated position on the ground with an impressive thump the human can both hear with his ears and feel through the ground of the more-than-Earth gravity planet, "that explains a few things." The little scientist trimp seems quite morose at the news.
"This thing says the fastest we've ever got this 'anger' map done is ten hours, thirty-five, but the clock right now is at five hours, thirty-four." Tightniks tilts his head, frowns one eyebrow, and taps, "Getting it done faster increases attack damage somehow, and oh-"
"What now?" the yellow one asks, still seated beside the spire.
"It says we already got a 2.5%-er for having a million traps," the human says, "I don't remember doing that. Maybe..." he sighs, "Maybe that's a good thing, 'cus I'd probably go insane building them all. Still though, it says we're going faster, but it doesn't feel like it."
"How'd you know how it feels," Red asks, "if you don't remember it?"
"'Day jaw voo' I think is the term," the human says, "or something. The sense that all this has happened before, but I'm not quite remembering and there's no physical evidence of it."
"Shijooooooooooo..." the grey one moans, waving a card at him. On it:
"In order, but we don't know if that means chronological order or frequency/proportion of memories:
"- The ship crashes (pretty sure that happens every time) "- The human builds huts "- The human teaches some trimps to speak and do science "- The human builds houses "- The human makes maps "- The human builds mansions "- The human blows up and gets himself killed somewhere around Z17 to Z21, often on a dragimp "- The human only recently/occasionally builds hotels "- The human only recently/rarely tamed a dragimp "- The human only recently/rarely mapped the Dimension of Anger"
Tightniks sits down and offers it back.
"Tai," it flatly refuses to take it back, paws up and eyes closed.
"It's kind of a relief," Tightniks rubs his temples, then looks at it again, "knowing it ain't just me."
6h17m43s: Portal PB, 1% AP for sub-8h, 45 He, 7.149 He/hr, 2209 pop, 13.6s RC.
The last head of the map's boss monster goes limp as one of the fighting trimps' dagger points goes into it, and the huge thing settles on its tail, resting on the package that seems to be the prize of this map. And there's a popping sound, and then something mechanical.
Is that a scroll compressor? Tightniks looks at the package. The deflating monster's lifting envelope material drapes over everything underneath it. "Yellow, Shijou!" he snaps and points, "roll up that side of it. Keep this part from sucking down on the extractor nozzle!"
All ten of the scientists jump in, literally, pushing the gas in the bag towards the compressor. Tightniks as well, rolling up the front.
Until he kicks, and nearly trips over, a smaller package that might be the explanation for the reason why the center of the monster's defense seemed to be a little away from the big package he could see. It's in the right place, he realizes. He gets it uncovered and reads stenciled-and-sprayed block letters on it:
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE DOWN"
Perhaps the Dimension of Anger is so named because of the rage suddenly rising up in Tightniks' throat. It isn't so much as the free-floating aggression suddenly has an answer, there is definitely a fresh batch of rage and anger as he grips the nearest Dagger V, Mark 2 with both hands-
Refocusing on surviving the next few seconds, the pilot turns on the radar for the final approach and takes a last look around, then straight ahead at his forward camera and primary flight display...
He crouches, sets the dagger down gently, then starts clearing the debris from the box's grab iron. He tries to lift it- Damn, this is heavy! As he gets it turned over, gravity finishes the job, and it shakes the ground with an impressive thud as it falls right side up.
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE UP" There's a square cutout in the middle of one side of it, with a sliding cover at the bottom of it.
"Get the pad!" he screams, seeing that his scientists are almost done rolling up the megablimp.
The grey one already has the survival data pad and offers it to him.
"The big one," Tightniks clarifies, "The big one." he picks up wide flat rainbow cable and its edge socket in one hand, "It goes here," he points at it with the other. "It must have come with me-" He had taken the small survival data pad and notices something, "Oh?" He starts looking around, "Hey!"
The white trimp with the brown hair is napping in a hole next to the smouldering remains of its latest attempt at a smelting furnace.
"Hey, mining buddy!" he whistles at it, "Mining buddy!"
It wakes with a start and rushes over, but doesn't seem to be in a good mood. But as soon as Tightnik shows it the survival pad, with all of the mining data installed just as if all those broken data cards and scorched scrolls were intact when he found them, fireworks goes off in the little trimp's eyes and it rushes off with the pad. Within minutes, the first furnace that works is chugging away at some ore and it returns to give the survival data pad back to Tightniks.
7h24m49s: Fresh turkimp; 7h25m30s: Labor reallocated.
The big-eared green lumber foreman's mood fell much further than the mining foreman's mood was before Tightniks packed up the turkimp roaster and moved just about everyone over to the smeltery.
The brown-haired, big-tailed white mining foreman was surprised at the change, and very happy. It had climbed up onto the helium compressor cart to check something on the pad a couple cells into the zone.
"Are you upset with me?" the red one asks the human.
"No, not at all," Tightniks says, "Are you getting the feeling that we had an upset at this point last cycle?"
"How would you know it was only the last?" Yellow asks, "Your memory's no better than ours."
"Right," the human sews another patch into his uniform, "However, I've only actually hit the switch on the portal twice, the first one on a challenge called Discipline, and the second on a challenge called Metal, which we just finished. It's easy to sort out from the statistics. I'm nervous it'll get harder to sort out when we're up to, oh," done fixing his uniform, he pops a bit of turkimp into his mouth and chews a couple times, "a few dozen or hundred manual cycles."
"Friggin' solve this faster than that, please," Red grumbles, "I know the emergency counter got to nearly a thousand, but..." he kinda trails off. Finally, he says, "I think we're remembering more cycle to cycle as we get more helium into it. I mean, I'm glad that isn't the only mechanic."
"Can't miss the supernova if it is," the human ponders.
"What?" Yellow chuckles.
"I'm remembering something from before all this, I think it was called a video game, where you'd go forward real-world in the simulation of a time loop, and your real-life head remembering what you did on previous cycles was the only mechanic," the human takes another bite, then dons his uniform shirt while chewing it. After his head pops out of the not-so-crisp-and-fresh uniform neck hole, buttons still done up, he finishes, "one of them had a supernova." [That would be Outer Wilds among the bunch of games with this mechanic, er, Minnit (I know it's spelled differently than "minute"), 12 Minutes, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and- ...I'm sure there are more.]
11h19m28s: Starting void 1 (L30).
With the thermal gloves on, Tightniks gets the void map into the portal device slot. It dematerializes and his fingers close where it used to be in his hands, then he yelps, stands up and starts dancing, "Oh crap, it's cold!" He quickly starts looking for stuff to bundle up. Once not too uncomfortable, he notices something, "You're having trouble, too?"
"No," Yellow and Red look at each other, "Well, not with the cold; this route has a poisonous atmosphere, slows down our young assimilating aluminum at the proper rate."
"Manning the traps will work at full speed, right?" Tightniks says.
"Should if your fingers can handle it," Red confirms.
11h33m57s: Void 1c100.
"You are one ugly muthaf[garble]!" he says when he sees the void boss, "Stay here, I'll be back." Runs some traps, grabs a couple helmets for the fresh volunteers, "Put these on."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the red one, really rather perplexed.
"I agree, that's not his usual accent," Red tilts his head, "Tightniks, what has gotten in to you?"
"Stop cheering me up," the human grumbles, "You think this is the real Quaid?"
"I think the cold is affecting him more than he realizes," Yellow offers.
"Phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range," but what the dizzy pilot actually throws at the zone boss is a Mace V-4, "and then I was thinking of breaking your neck."
[Felt like some- "Arnie? Well, the union is pulling out all the big guns today, huh?" (Tom Hanks as Sully) ...no, brain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, not Arnie Gentile (it was really funny to background Sully and listen to that line instead of "That's definitely you" in Terminator 2 while he's posing with the Minigun.) Arnie lines from Predator, Terminator 2, True Lies, Total Recall and The Terminator.]
"Tweak the portal," reads Tightniks from the portal controller aloud, but quietly, "to bring you to an alternate reality, where Trimps are bigger and stronger, to force yourself to figure out a way to build larger housing. Your Trimps will gather 50% more resources, but your housing will fit 50% fewer Trimps. If you complete The Dimension of Anger without disabling the challenge, your stats will return to normal."
"You will also open a new memory coolant unit," Yellow reads, "You think that'll cause a housing bonus?"
"Shijou," the grey one hands him a card saying "We have enough for another gateway."
"Oh, good," Tightniks hands it back after signing it, "Yes, build it."
"We're doing that next?" Yellow asks.
Tightniks sees the little fellow sitting on top of a mound that the human thought was a bowel movement pile from Draglimp, but it must be something more geological if trimps can climb it, let alone want to. "Yeah, I guess," the human answers, "It kinda scares me, I mean I'm going back, but what happens to you guys?"
"We have too much day javo or whatever you called it," Red says. He's usually on all fours, shakes his left hind leg as though something got stuck to his foot, "This isn't incrementing, I'm sure. 13 is less than 956."
"According to this, you'll be twice as big," Tightniks sets down the portal controller pad and stands up from the cart, "It's hard to imagine, especially for Shijou and Diggy. We'll clear thirty-six, that's it."
14h04m37s: Z33c95, IC.
"Are you sure we can make Zone 37 start?" the red one asks.
The yellow one is standing on Red's shoulders.
"It said we did last time," Tightniks taps on the crude leather bag strapped to his back, the portal pad inside it, "though maybe..." he tilts his head, rolls whatever he was sucking on in his mouth for a moment, "it just happened while I was building those traps. No, I'm sticking with that plan."
"If it's going to take that long," Red grinds its jaws sideways for a moment and lets its eyelids get lazy, frustration clear in its tone, "why do it again?"
"Because I've got a bad feeling about this 'Size' thing," Tightniks says, "it drops our resourcing by 75% assuming we build the same amount of housing as before, which we won't because of the reduced resourcing. We needed 65 capacity in the cabin and huts before we could do run the gypsum/paper wall machine we found. I have a funny feeling that never changes."
"We don't need 65 trimps to run it," Yellow says, "just three."
"Yeah," Tightniks says, "but a particular three that know what they're doing, and my day javoo is telling me the last of those is always the sixty-fifth."
"Shijou," the grey one moans from the other side of Tightniks. Didn't have a note this time, just kicking a little rock along as it walks.
"It thinks you're right," the red one growls forlornly, "Hating to say it, but I do too."
14h16m06s: Skel in c1, 50 bones purchased whipimp.
There's a thump at the cart, and then some commotion around it that's noticable enough for Tightniks to come over and take a look. The bone box is empty, all forty-nine titanium bones in it are gone. Tightiks brings his right hand up in front of him, and it's just a balled fist, the bone he was holding a moment ago is gone. As he starts looking for where he must have dropped it, he realizes maybe it's all related. Looking in the bottom of the empty bone box, he finds a note.
"I got you the whipimp. This new Bad Guy will begin spawning in your next zone at an average of 3 spawns per 100 enemies. I hope it helps, but I can't tell yet."
The note is in Tightniks' own handwriting, although lazy but with more consistent kerning. Is this from an older version of myself? Friggin' time travel.
14h18m48s: This L34 moun 160/27/79 calls itself "Magical Mountain" - I can't remember whether the Disney trademark is that or "Magic Mountain" ...I've seen a "Black Mesa" before, that's a Half-Life thing, and somebody on Reddit made pretend that "Dank Hill" was a King of the Hill thing (which is actually *Hank Hill, I think - it's hard to remember, it wasn't very good and I haven't watched it since the 1990s.)
19h32m00s: Doom/AT, 12816 pop, 80N, 37.7s RC with Z34/5298.
"Okay, we got that friggin' thing chocked," Yellow wipes its brow and almost bonks itself with the Mace VI-2 that it's holding, puts it down and makes sure the wedges are secure.
Grey, Red, and Green are packing more stuff around the huge boulder that chased them down a tunnel to make sure it doesn't do that again.
"Getting any day javoo?" Tightniks pants, hands on his knees, but apparently uninjured, or nearly so.
"Not at all," Yellow vehemently responds, slashing the air with its paw, "You?"
"Oh," Tightniks gets his breathing under control, "I think it was a human movie."
"Like a video on that pad?" it gestures at the human's pocket with the small one.
"No, a bigger screen," the human says.
"Fifty-five inches?" the trimp scientist chuckles.
"More like fifty-five feet," the human rubs the sweat out of his eyes, "Lots of people watching. It was called a sin."
"Ah," the trimp ponders, "Like a crime, vice, psychopathy or bad habit?"
"Er..." the human taps his forehead trying to remember, "Sorry, a cinema."
[The whole thing is obviously an homage to something I remember only slightly better than Tightniks, I think it was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. As I'm posting this, I sadly realize that Nick Rekieta's arrest was between when I wrote this and now.]
19h58m55s: Zone 37, 473 He, 23.67 He/hr, 13088 pop, 81N, 32.1s RC with Z34/5298, 2806 pop short, no turkimp.
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...

I clearly see my pattern in my past relationships: having no tolerance for perceived double standards or feeling accused or mischaracterized. So when I feel those things, I get defensive and try to stick up for myself, instead of just trying to see what my partner needs.
I’m in a good relationship now and I want to overcome this pattern so I can get better at relationships and help take this to the next level. My girlfriend and I have good communication until we’re hurt. I’ve been working on my reactions, taking a breath and separating my rational minds from my hurt ego. But like that’s one thing, she doesn’t think that’s healthy, and to walk away if I think I need to calm down in order to talk better is seen as immature.
We’re trying for the second time to live together and we’re in a small granny apartment on my parent’s property. It’s not ideal but it’s had its benefits. Anyway, she had to move out of her place and we hadn’t found an ideal place of our own yet, so she moved in with me at my parents. For context, I had moved away after college, got married and divorced, then came home to recover after the hard divorce. Now years later, I’m trying to make this new relationship work.
I feel like no matter what I do, she keeps telling me I’m not doing anything and is harboring resentment. She moved in with me and I had spent a lot of time, for example: making more shelves in the bathroom for her, cleaning out the bedroom closet and armoire so she could have everything for clothes, moving all my personal things out of the living room and rearranging to make more space, getting chickens and building a coop and multiple garden beds because she wanted them, I support her in building her business and try to help get navigate a stressful current job she reluctantly has while she wants to keep it. I financially provide and spend a lot of time working on my ego and not reacting from it.
Tonight has me really hurt, though, and my avoidant attachment is really kicking in. We had both worked all day and she was going to be late, so she said to do my own thing for dinner. I was working in the yard, took a shower, and was starting dishes, then planning to cook something for dinner. That’s when she walked in and freaked out because there wasn’t any dinner ready and the kitchen was dirty. She said she assumed that I might have food ready and was really disappointed. I offered to make her food and she said she didn’t want to think and didn’t want me to ask her questions. We calm down and try to talk later and she says that I didn’t do anything to prepare for her to move in. And that when I said my first priority was to make like comfortable for her here (but not complacent and stagnant), and second priority is to keep saving money and looking for a new house. She took this as so confusing and offensive and said we shouldn’t be comfortable here.
I get it she wants to move out but we have high standards and a lot of criteria we’re looking for and we haven’t found out yet on a place we can afford. So we’ve talked that we’re going to live here for the summer (about 4 months of time we talked about) and focus on increasing revenue and saving money so we can jump on a good place when we find it. A couple days, out of nowhere, she said that we only talked about staying 2 months and we have to be out by beginning of July.
I get that she’s anxious and needs reassurance. I repeat our plan back to her and she argues with it. Everyday she had a new idea that she wants to run with and I’ve seen she has a pattern of finding problems and focusing on them. She said awhile back that she feels anxious immediately upon waking in the morning.
How do I work with her and come from love and compassion when I feel legitimately disrespected and hurt? I communicate this and hold my boundary, and her response is, “do you understand why I feel this way?” And when I do understand, I say yes. Tonight, I don’t understand and I said that, then she stopped talking to me… until I started to do dishes again, then she came out yelled at me because I was making too much noise and she had to sleep for her big day tomorrow.
Am I missing something? My rough marriage was to an abusive woman and I didn’t have good boundaries back then and it took too long to recognize the issues.
Is this another abusive situation or am I being too sensitive, or not compromising enough? Even though I feel like I’m pretty much the only one compromising on things.
Thanks for reading. I tried to keep things clear as I could. Any help is appreciated.

I have a feeling that there's going to be replies to this post with people just saying I'm lazy or entitled because of wanting to avoid doing a certain task at my job, so I just want to start by saying this isn't so much about me disliking a specific position as it is about being concerned that I'm going be way less useful working this position than if I was doing something else.
I work at a used media/tech store. We sell pretty much anything related to the term "entertainment". It's not a big chain, but it's also not exactly a small-town store either, it's one of these kinda in-between small chains run by a few siblings. Anyway, I really like my job overall, my managers and higher management all seem to be pretty chill, my coworkers are nice and generally hard-workers, and there's good pay and benefits.
All of us do various things at the store, but by far my least favorite and the one that I feel least confident in is our trade-in counter: where people bring stuff in for us to buy from them. Although I was trained on it when I first started, I haven't worked there since I got hired and even then it was only for a few days. And I made multiple big mess-ups in those few days.
It's pretty complicated compared to trading stuff in at other places because we take in like multiple thousands of items a day. We have various forms of trade-ins you can do depending on how long you're willing to wait and how much stuff you have, it goes around to multiple evaluators, there's a handful of other stuff to do aside from helping customers trade stuff in, and also there's just SO much stuff that gets traded that it can frazzle you if you're not good at multitasking. Also, the trade counter is by far where we end up getting the most aggressive and weirdest customers.
About 2x a year the schedule gets changed up a bit to accommodate how busy the store usually is during specific seasons, and recently we had one of these shifts. Unfortunately, for some reason the managers doing the shifts decided to put me on a long trade-in shift. Also, it seems to be an opening shift where I'd be the only person working that area for at least an hour right when we open.
I'm not really sure why they did this because currently I mostly just sort things and put stuff on shelves, which I like a lot, and I seem to be pretty good at. I get to work at my own pace doing this type of work and I usually get a lot done. I've even gotten compliments from a lot of our management and department directors about how quickly I work. Aside from that sometimes I get called to the register, which I still don't even mind much, but I legit haven't worked our trade counter for months.
It has me pretty stressed out because I feel like I don't really know what I'm doing in that area, and it seems like I'm only going to get a short refresher training beforehand. The only thing that I can think of is that they've seen my efficiency working elsewhere in the store and figure that I could transfer it to that area, but I think they're overestimating my abilities lol. I'm trying to be hopeful but I just genuinely feel like I'd be far more useful literally anywhere else in the store, and I'm concerned this may be stressful enough of a position to lead to me quitting. I'm just not built for dealing with constant, rapid tasks and repeated interactions with weirdo customers.
I don't really want to bring it up directly to management because, as chill as they are, I know they also don't hesitate to fire people for small stuff and I don't know if they'd take my concerns seriously. The only strategy that I can think of is to try to see if I can get one of the directors who I've worked under before ask to put me back on one of the tasks for them that I was doing previously. I believe that happened one time before actually because we had a new hire take over one of the shelving areas I was doing and after a director complained about the change, they put me back on it.
I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for a situation like this?
tl;dr - I work at a used media/tech store, mostly doing sorting and shelving. Schedules recently were changed and have put me on a shift at our trade-in counter, which I've barely ever worked at and am not very good at. Trying to find a way to get out of it.

About a week ago, I reached out to my best friend (26f)’s bf (25m) about throwing her a surprise birthday party. My idea is to throw her a surprise birthday party that is “dad rock themed” because that is the type of music she grew up listening to and is her comfort genre. Ideally, we would all dress up as rock/grunge stars or dads as a joke and play funny dad themed games, bbq, cornhole, etc. My best friend is also my roommate so I want to throw it at our house.
I reached out to my best friend’s mom, who said she thought my best friend would love the idea and let me know she will help with anything I need to make it happen.
However, when I reached out to my best friend’s bf about this, he reacted way differently than I thought. His first concern that he expressed was who all was coming because he doesn’t know how many friends she has to invite. I told him I planned to invite a mix of her family, coworkers, mutual friends, and my bf and him. In total, it wouldn’t be a lot of people, maybe 10. This wasn’t a concern for me because when she threw me a surprise party, there was less than 10 and I still had an amazing time with all of the people who loved me most. She has said many times she prefers smaller groups anyways.
I explained to him that it would just be a small kickback type situation, just bbq and music and good vibes. He responded that he didn’t think she would like it because those people wouldn’t “mesh well” and suggested I do a spa date or an escape room with her instead.
Here’s why I’m considering throwing the party anyways:

1. She has never had a party thrown for her before and has been dropping hints like telling me what kind of cake she would like. When I straight up asked her the other day “would you like a surprise party? Or would you hate that?” She told me she didn’t know because she has never had anyone do something like that for her.
2. She already did an escape room with him a while back and I wanted to do something more personal and special
3. She had originally planned to go with her bf on their annual bday camping trip, but they cancelled it due to financial reasons (aka they both spent money going to HIS sister’s graduation)
4. She is the type of person who is always taking care of everyone else and is always mentioning how it would be nice for people to do the same for her too
5. I personally don’t think it is about the people that are there, but that it is about celebrating her for her day.

I’m hesitant to throw it bc I’ve only known her for a little over a year, while he and her have been together for a few years now. I don’t want to ruffle any feathers, but I also can’t help but think his reasoning doesn’t make sense / isn’t good enough. When I asked him if there were specific people out of that group that wouldn’t get along/told him that I really wanted to do something special for her, he never responded .
For some more context, this bf is in the music industry and when I asked him about doing the music for this party, he said it would be easy , but that he didn’t know if he wanted to do it because then he wouldn’t be able to also party.
I can’t help but feel like he is being selfish/ inconsiderate and projecting because he is a more introverted person and wouldn’t want that for himself . I don’t care if he helps or not but idk if I can pull this off without him, bc they are together so often.
Sorry if this was too long, but I’m new to Reddit . Open to honest opinions about this and any advice about how I can make her day special if not this party/ how I can go about this disagreement with her bf. I care about her so much and just want to take care of her the way she takes care of me. Is there even a compromise here?
TL,DR: My best friend’s bf and I disagree on what we should do for her birthday and I’m thinking of going with me idea despite his opinion. I feel like he is wrong but don’t know what to do.

I’ve been playing for a little bit now- not much longer than like idk, 4-5 months? I’ve leveled up considerably, and for the first few months of play I really was super happy with how welcoming and just cool the community was in general.
Yesterday, I joined a mission that ended up failing, and was shotgun killed by two other helldivers before I could get into the plane. I had killed these guys once or twice with an eagle attack ( small map, giant titan bile gulcher- my bad) but always brought them immediately back with reinforcements. For the most part, that was on me.
But today, I joined a map that was JUST about to depart. Eagle had landed, they were all waiting- shooting at some remaining bugs. I have zero control (as does every helldiver player) over when I join a mission. Hell, I even landed my pod on a spewing gulcher, trying to help out. Again- I have zero control over when I joint a map, this was my way of trying to make the time I spent with them that much more helpful if I could.
Headshot- literally like 4 steps away from getting on the eagle. All of them attacked me. It was like they were mad because I joined when I did…? Like what?
I’m trying not to be too pissed about it, like maybe this was just some joke and I’ve read far too into it- but anything like that that costs points just seems kinda stupid? Like I fail to see how letting me join the ship would’ve been a problem.
Beyond blocking these players, I’m not really sure what the hell Im supposed to do. This hasn’t been a problem until literally this week.
Again- maybe it’s just me- maybe this stuff is supposed to be playful or a prank and I’m taking it too seriously.
Is this just me? Or is anyone else having an issue with these weirdly passive-aggressive parties?

I've commented a few times in a few posts about my family's experience going through the F-1 to H-1B to GC route to migrate to the US and I've received a lot of questions over the DM, many of which I thought were pretty basic. I thought it might be helpful to put this primer together so folks know the right questions to ask and approach their planning more strategically.
This post is going to be very candid. I've noticed that the questions I've received come from misconceptions about higher education, F-1 visa, and what comes after graduation. I want to give folks the right information, but also temper expectations and give a realistic portrait of what it means and takes to use the student pathway to legally and permanently reside in the US. It is not a stroll in the park, and I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

BACKGROUND

Two of my siblings plus myself are all here in the US via the student visa route. I received my green card in 2021 after being in the US for nearly 4 years. After receiving my Masters at a prestigious university, I was hired immediately by an organization willing to sponsor my H-1B, which they did so after two years of employment under STEM-OPT work authorization. My employer started putting together my I-140 (Immigrant Petition for Alien Worker, which is the start of the process for an employment-based green card) shortly after receiving approval of my H-1B. As the paperwork was being put together, my partner and I decided to get married and I switched from employment-based green card to marriage-based green card. The employment-based green card would have added around a 3 year wait if we went through with it, while my marriage-based green card was approved in less than a year.
Both my siblings are currently in the same pathway. One received their Bachelors last year, was hired before graduation and has recently received approval for her H-1B. Their employer has committed to sponsoring their employment-based green card next year. My other sibling received their MFA last year and is now in the process of getting their O-1, which is a different kind of work visa. Like me, they both came to the US with a student visa. We were all very strategic about the programs we chose and how we approached networking within our industries.
We also prepared for years. I knew I wanted to get my Masters and permanently reside in the US even before I finished college in Manila. My siblings also knew that early on. So as a family we planned for years, including preparing financially because we knew that we had a very slim chance of getting free rides for our planned degrees. Our early planning also helped with our professional decision-making, because we became very strategic about what kinds of jobs we took after graduation in Manila (except our youngest sibling, who did her Bachelors in the US, so her planning revolved around her academic career in high school). I would say from start (initial planning) to finish (with the last sibling also now on the way to permanent residency), it took about a decade.

GETTING STARTED

Is the student pathway the right pathway for you?
The first question you should ask yourself: can you afford the student pathway to permanent residency in the US? Higher education in the US is not cheap. Universities very rarely offer full scholarships to Masters programs, and those that do are incredibly competitive. So you cannot depend on scholarships to help you pay for your degree--doing so will likely end in disappointment.
(PhDs are usually free and includes a living stipend, but the application process for PhDs are on a whole other level. I will not cover it here but I can answer any questions related to applying for PhDs.)
Most Masters programs in the US are two-year programs, and the average cost of a Masters degree is around $60,000 per year (source). That's $120,000--almost Php7,000,000--in two years. That is a lot of money. That does not include your cost of living, which depending on the location can vary. I personally spent around $1000 on living expenses every month (housing was through the school, so the cost of that was included in my tuition statement)--and that is living frugally in a very high cost of living city. That's an additional $12,000 per year. Of course, you can lower than number by living with family if that option is available to you.
So on average, you would need around Php4,200,000 per year for your Masters degree. Again, a lot of money. It goes without saying that the student pathway is a very expensive pathway to permanent residency in the US. Can it also be a quicker pathway than, say, being sponsored by a sibling? It can be, but that depends on how long it will take for you to save up for tuition.
What if you can make those numbers work? What else should you know?
I need to put this upfront: the F-1 student visa is a non-immigrant visa. Meaning that it is a visa meant for people who will enter the US on a temporary basis. This is why the student visa has no direct pathway or benefit to permanent residency in the US. You need to change status inside the US to one with immigrant intent or double intent to be able to be on that pathway or receive that benefit. That's where visas like the H-1B visa comes in.
You also cannot work outside of your school on an F-1 visa. During the school year, you are allowed to work part-time on campus, and during the summer you are allowed to work full-time on campus. Work outside of the school is only allowed if it's part of your curriculum (i.e. your program has a class for "onsite internship") and you are allowed to be paid while that opportunity is going on. You can do this part-time, but most legitimate universities will have limited opportunities for this (i.e. under your program you're only allowed to take credit for onsite internships one or two semesters). However, your eligibility to work full-time after getting your degree will be affected if you do this full-time for one year. If you want to jump from F-1 to H-1B, this is not something you want to do.
Your ability to bring dependents to the US on a student visa is also limited. You can only bring your spouse and unmarried children under 21. Dependents of F-1 visa holders are not allowed to work in the US (although children under 21 can go to school full-time). This means your spouse cannot work while in the United States, and that includes working remotely for a company in the Philippines.

APPLYING TO PROGRAMS

The student visa still seems like my best option. What's next?
The next step starts with you. I've received a good number of DMs asking me "Is Master of ABC the right course for me?" or "Will a Master of DEF get me a green card?" These are not the right questions to ask because they're not going to get you any good answers. Yes, we know the ultimate goal for taking your Masters in the US to get permanent residency. But the true purpose of getting a Masters in the US is to make you highly marketable and competitive to US employers that will be willing to sponsor your work visa and petition you for your permanent residency.
So you need to view this degree as a way to level yourself up professionally. I absolutely do not suggest getting a Masters degree in something "you already know"--the objective is not to coast while spending Php4,200,000 a year--but to be so much better at what you're already doing. Here's an example.

Maria Clara graduated from Accounting at a good university in Manila and now has around 2 years of experience as a CPA at the finance and accounting department at a multinational corporation based in Makati. She wants to get her permanent residency to the US via the student pathway and has done a significant amount of research on possible Masters programs and career paths in accounting in the US. She started reading into forensic accounting and realized how interested she is in various aspects of this career path. After looking through universities and programs, she has put SUNY Albany's MS in Forensic Science at the top of her list for a variety of reasons. One, it meets the education requirements for certified public accountant licensure in the state of New York. Two, even without a scholarship of financial aid, the costs for international students is not exorbitant at $23,000/Php1,320,000 for the year-long program--with some frugal living and help from relatives in the US, she can save that amount in 3-4 years. Three, New York is the center of global commerce--all the biggest companies and their accounting firms are either headquartered or have large offices in New York City, so she has a wide swath of employment options. Now she just has to get her ducks in a row and make sure her Bachelors meets the requirements for application, as well as put together a shortlist of other programs she should apply and create a timeline for herself and the milestones that need to be hit to make this dream a reality.

Bottomline is, your starting point in this entire process is reflection and research. You need to reflect on your own professional experience and skills, as well as your interests. You need to figure out which pathway will give you that professional and technical boost and do your research on available programs at reputable universities, what the job market looks like for your target profession, which companies are known to hire in this space.
Of course, you should also take into consideration your limitations. For example, you can only go to school in San Diego because you can stay with relatives while you're studying. That means your research is location-limited to however far you think you can commute.
When this is properly done, it should lead you to a place where you have a shortlist of programs to apply to. Each program will have their own application and testing requirements, as well as their own deadlines, so make sure to keep track of that.
PRO TIP: while grades during college are an important part of your application, many graduate programs put a lot of weight on your personal statement and professional recommendation letters. This is why the first step on reflection is critical--it gives you a good direction from which to build your story, which you will need to convince admissions committees to accept you into their programs.

ACCEPTANCE

I got into one of my top programs and I have my finances in order! What happens now?
Now it's time to apply for your F-1 visa. Your university will provide you with the documentation you need from them (this is mainly the I-20 and your acceptance letter), but the bulk of the documentation you need to present to the visa officer will mostly come from you. Namely, because the F-1 is a non-immigrant visa, you need to show strong ties to the Philippines. This can take a variety of forms, and oftentimes your mileage may vary especially depending on the school you will be attending (i.e. there will be less scrutiny if you're going to Harvard as compared to a university that's not that known).
If you did not receive a scholarship with your acceptance, you also need to show that you are able to afford the first year of matriculation. So bank statements containing the total amount of tuition, as well as room and board, will be important (usually the I-20 that the university will issue you will include this amount).
At the interview, be polite and only answer the questions asked. Do not offer up information not asked by the visa officer. I suggest you have a ready answer if the visa officer asks you why this particular school and program, but you should have this answer already if you followed my advice about reflecting and researching before applying to programs :)
Visa is approved and on hand! What do I do while I wait to leave for the US?
Networking starts the moment you receive your passport with your F-1 visa. You absolutely cannot and should not waste a single minute of your active student visa, so this is the time you start telling people that you're going to be studying in the US. You need to work your current network and find peers and mentors who will be willing to connect you with colleagues they know who work in the US or have ties to the US in your professional field. Let's go back to Maria Clara as an example.

Finally, after years of hard work, Maria Clara has her desired acceptance into SUNY's MS in Forensic Accounting program, and her F-1 visa was approved by the embassy without any issues. After celebrating with her family, she lets her boss know about her visa approval, who has been one of her most ardent cheerleaders during this entire process. Her boss has also offered to introduce her to their counterparts in the US once she got her visa approved, which is really important to Maria Clara--she knows she needs to get ahead of networking professionally since her time in the US is limited. She has also reached out to other people she knows in the company that engage frequently with teams in the US. She's messaged her college professors as well, as she knows that a number of alumni from her college have migrated to the US. Her plan is to get connected with as many professionals in her field as possible, connect with them in person once she's in the US, and build a rapport with as many connections as possible so she can be guided accordingly and stand out when the time to apply for jobs comes.

Remember that unlike US citizens (USC) and legal permanent residents (LPR), your time in the US is limited and bound by the rules set by your visa. So you have to be creative and get ahead in some way. You need to be more prepared and more strategic than USCs and LPRs because you simply do not have the time to dilly dally. Yes, enjoy and savor in the moment of seeing the fruits of your labor, but the hard part begins now. You simply do not have time to waste.

DURING THE PROGRAM

I'm in the US now and working harder than ever! Is there anything more I can do to set myself apart from others?
Other than to make sure you have high grades and you're setting aside time to build professional relationships, it's time to think outside the box. Remember that you are limited by the rules of the F-1 visa, so experiences such as an off-campus summer internship is off limits to you. You will need to find ways to strengthen your resumé that doesn't include working off campus, and that could take many forms. One of the most effective recommendations I've received on this is to do an independent research during the summer--you could do it via a professor whose class you really liked, or if you've made inroads with some of the connections you've been building since getting your visa, have a professor oversee a research project you could do with those connections. (This is still academic work, and many programs will give credit for this, so it is not considered off-campus work under the eyes of USCIS.) You can use your research to really elevate your skills and experiences when applying for jobs.
It's also time to seriously start looking at potential employers. You can use the connections you've built to get a sense of what the professional landscape is for your field, learn about peoples' experiences at various companies and organizations, and get a feel for hiring processes. Remember, you don't have a lot of time to apply for jobs once you near the end of your program, so you have to be armed with the right information to guide your job hunting strategy. You will need to put yourself out there and be the best version of your professional self if you want employers to disregard that they will need to spend more money to hire you rather than a USC or LPR who doesn't need sponsorship.

LAST SEMESTER AND GRADUATION

I'm in my last semester of my program! Any tips?
The last semester is usually job hunting season, so make sure that resumé is polished and your network is activated. By now, if you've done the leg work, you will have a shortlist of potential employers and you will have made connections in most, if not all, of them. Time to check-in and ensure that they know you're interested in joining their company and you'd like their support and guidance in doing so. This is one of the harder parts of this journey, and you have to be relentless. Use all the resources at your disposal to ensure your resumé is seen by as many eyes as possible, and that includes speaking to your professors, especially your favorite ones, so they can also lend a hand.
More importantly: submit your work permit application (more commonly known as OPT) as early as possible to avoid delays and getting stuck in the USCIS backlog. You need this permit to be able to work after graduation for a limited time (one year for graduates of non-STEM programs, with an additional two years for graduates of STEM programs) without needing to immediately require H-1B sponsorship.
Getting employed by a company willing to sponsor you is not the end of the line. All for-profit companies are subject to the H-1B lottery, which means you will be competing with other internationals for the limited number of H-1B visas allotted every year. So even with an employer willing to sponsor, the H-1B visa is still not guaranteed. You can work around this by joining what is a called a cap-exempt organization instead, and USCIS classifies those as institutions of higher education, nonprofit entities related to or affiliated with an institution of higher education, nonprofit research organizations, and governmental research organizations. That means more research, and more targeted strategic networking, given that your employer pool now is limited.

EPILOGUE

The student visa is not an easy or cheap pathway to permanent residency in the US. It is getting harder and harder to beat out USCs and LPRs for great jobs in companies that have the experience and resources to sponsor H-1Bs and GCs. You need to do your research every step of the way and prepare to do some really grueling work in order to be the better investment for these companies. Plus, there is the luck element of the H-1B lottery. But it's not impossible. It can and does happen--my family is a great example of it (we're 3 for 3 in this pathway now). Your preparation and willingness to go the extra mile is critical, and you have to be ready to grind for a while. Rest often only comes when the green card is approved.
For those still considering the student visa pathway to migrate to the US after reading this very long post--good luck, and may the force be with you.

TW!!! S/A, Neglect, Suicidal Thoughts/Intentions, Verbal/Physical Abuse
I've had to endure every type of abuse form my parents, and my sister is following in their footsteps. It started with physical beatings and neglect from my mother, I was left unsupervised for hours and wasn't fed regularly, and I'd get hit if my room was messy or I did something small wrong. When I turned 8/9 the verbal lashings started, I was called every swear under the sun and then some more creative ones, for getting a C or breaking a glass. I also started having serious suicidal thoughts and intentions, with outward signs of anxiety and depression my mother has admitted to knowing about, I was also still getting beaten, once I was playing outside when my sister and I were called in, our ball was kicked into the alleyway so we went to go get it then go inside. We were smacked in the back of the head for not coming right in, I ducked after seeing my sister getting smacked so I got a more severe beating.
When I started developing my father started coming into my room even after I told him I was naked, and once or twice touched me inappropriately. He would also talk about very inappropriate topics with me very often, what kinks he and my mother liked, when the last time he had sex was ect.
When I began high school the physical abuse stopped but the sexual, verbal, and neglect didn't. I was about to commit suicide in grade 9 when I begged my parents for help, I got 2 therapy sessions and was guilted for wanting more sessions, I also didn't receive any medication or cbt or hospitalization. I also was forced to spend everyday: 1-2 hours shopping or doing errands after school with my mother, cook dinner, make my own breakfast and lunch, help meal plan, clean the house, do dishes, manage item levels(garbage bags, soap, etc). Most of these were my sole responsibility even though my mother was a stay at home mom and my sister is less than 2 years younger than me so it wasn't like she was busy corralling a toddler or working.
In grade 11 I started to get utis, I wasn't able to regularly take medication so I asked my mom for help, I didn't get it. I also was told to stop worrying so much when the symptoms returned and got worse instead of taking me to our family doctor. In grade 12 my depression got so bad I was starting to really struggle with my schoolwork, admittedly I exploded at my mother for not getting me any help for it and blaming her for it. I finally got medication for the last month of high school. I also got my wisdom teeth out that summer, that had been bothering me and my other teeth for years, I was ignored the entire time I was in recovery and criticized for needing more pain meds than my sister even though my surgery was more extensive(some of the teeth had started to erupt, fuse with my jaw bone, and were fully developed).
I was also told I had exactly $200 to apply to universities. Most applications cost $150-250, especially the better schools, so I applied to only 3 schools that I knew I could get into because the school I really wanted to go to I wasn't sure I'd get in and the application without tax was $200, later my parents claimed they never said this. I was also forbidden from getting any type of job to pay for my applications.
Now my sister whines about every problem she has, repeatedly, that have been going on for years with zero effort to try and fix them. I've suggested diagnoses from professionals to access resources, therapy, self help books, youtube channels, hell I even bought her multiple self help books that really helped me explicitly as a gift, I offered to pay for some sessions with a psychologist so she could get diagnosed. And shes says I manipulated her into hating our parents, I told her what happened to us, and me as kids, that was the whole "manipulation".
I'm so tired of them and their bs. I live a fair ways from them too. I still care for them which is frustrating because they make me feel like garbage everyone I'm around them. Anyways, thanks for reading my rant.

My name is Jessica, and I live in a small central American city of about 80,000 people.Today I'm going to share a story about Korea.First, I'd like to tell you a little bit about my family.When I was born, I already had an older brother.I don't mean just a little sister with an older brother.My brother was adopted from Korea.It's an unusual situation, isn't it? My parents struggled with infertility for several years before I was born, and they ended up adopting my Korean brother.Then, a few years later, they got pregnant with me, and I was born.My brother had different hair color, skin color, and eye color than me, but we got along very well.Even though we knew from a young age that we were adopted because of our differences, we got along well, and we were a family that loved each other deeply.
We played the same games, read books together, and spent a lot of time together. He always took good care of me, and he was a good brother who made me laugh.
I would say, “Brother, let's read this book together!” and he would always smile and read it to me. I think I liked and enjoyed his warmth to me, rather than focusing on the content of the book.
When we left our cozy home environment, it was time to go to school, and during this time, my brother and I were asked a lot of embarrassing questions.One day, while my brother and I were playing together, a friend asked me, “Jessica, why does your brother look different from you?”The question gave me pause, but he smiled and replied, “Because we are a family, looks don't matter. His positive attitude had a good effect on me, and I'm sure he had a good effect on himself, too.Watching him grow up right, and our family became interested in Korea. If he was a troublemaker and always in trouble, he wouldn't have had the time to take the time to learn about his country of origin, Korea, but when he studied well, didn't fight with his friends, and was a good person who always loved and cared for his brother, we couldn't help but wonder about his roots.
I think my parents also had the will to share Korean culture with my brother and me, to learn what they could, to broaden our horizons and deepen our family's understanding.Many years ago, when I was in middle school, my family visited Korea for the first time, and the experience left a great impression on me.
We visited many tourist spots in Seoul and saw the harmonious combination of Korean tradition and modernity.And Korea, with its many dark-haired, dark-eyed people like my brother, was somehow not foreign to me.For Americans traveling to Asia for the first time, this could have been difficult because people look different and give off different vibes, but not for me. My parents, of course, were very excited to revisit Korea, the country of my brother's birth, and spoke so many blessings about the land of my brother's birth.Of course, there were many good things to see and many fun things to do in Korea, but the most memorable moment was when I suddenly developed a high fever.
It was a quiet night in Korea at the time, and I suddenly developed a high fever.This change was so sudden that my parents panicked.Eventually, with the help of the hotel we were staying at, they were able to get me to the emergency room in Korea, where I was quickly treated.Upon arrival, the medical staff quickly assessed my condition and ran the necessary tests.The whole process was organized, and thanks to the professionalism and quick response of the medical staff, I was able to get comfortable quickly. My situation was so serious that my head hurt like a rock and I could barely understand what was being said around me, but thanks to their quick response, my fever started to come down and I was able to return to my senses.The tests showed that I had a severe flu, which had been contracted in the United States and had incubated in Korea.I had to stop traveling in Korea and be admitted to the hospital for treatment, but thanks to the fast and efficient healthcare system in Korea, this was not a problem.
My parents breathed a sigh of relief and expressed their deep gratitude to the Korean healthcare system.“If it wasn't for Korea, I would have been in trouble,” my father said.Although my family had to stop our trip to Korea and spend the rest of my stay in a Korean hospital, looking back, it was also a unique experience abroad.
Many years later, as an adult, my relationship with my brother was still good. We enjoyed Korean dramas, movies, and music together, cooked Korean food together, and learned Korean together.
However, there was a clear difference between me and him: he seemed to be better at learning, even if he spent the same amount of time studying, and he went to a prestigious university, while I failed to get into college and became depressed.
He helped me with my studies every vacation, taught me how to study, and helped me to get into a prestigious university, but the results were not good. I was rejected by all the universities I applied to, and I was going through a very difficult time. After he graduated from college, he moved back home from the East Coast of the United States and helped me study for the college entrance exam, and with his help, I was able to get into college, albeit late.
Although I didn't get into a prestigious university like my brother, I still had a satisfying college experience and broadened my horizons.Naturally, I discovered that Korea has been on the global radar lately, which was very exciting.Korea may be the latest trend for Americans these days, but for me and my brother, it's like going back to our roots.I've always loved Korea, and it was very interesting and fond to reminisce about my trip to Korea when I was in middle school and look through my photo albums, even though half the time I was sick. So, my brother and I decided to visit Korea again, and this time, we had several goals for the trip: we wanted to make sure that we got it right this time, because we didn't get it right the first time, and my brother wanted to get to know his Korean roots better, even though he is now an adult, working as an American and living as an American, and I wanted to get to know my Korean roots better in relation to my major in college, and this time, I wanted to research more about the Korean healthcare system that I had experienced as a child.
Of course, I also wanted to have fun in Korea and enjoy the freedom to roam around the country unlike when I was a student, but I didn't take it too seriously.
Korea was so different from the U.S. It had the look of a big city in the U.S., but it had its own unique vibe. It was much more developed than the neighborhoods we live in in the U.S., and everywhere you looked was filled with people, and there were hundreds or thousands of stores selling a variety of things. If you were walking around and traveling, and you got thirsty and needed a break, there were cafes all around you that you could just pop into and take a break, and you didn't have to go far to find a restaurant that had one Korean food and sold it, because all the infrastructure was there.
Everything is around you, and everything you want or need is always right around the corner, which is why people call city life so convenient and love it.The public transportation system in Korea, which is light years better than the big cities in the U.S., helped us get around without any difficulty.It was also so much fun to get a T-money card, carry it around, and use it to get around Korea for a very low cost.
And when my brother and I would walk around, going to cafes, restaurants, and other places where there was something to do, many Koreans would tell us that we made a good looking couple.When I would tell them, in a pleasant and complimentary way, that we were actually brother and sister, they would look surprised and apologize.
But it's completely understandable, because even in the U.S., more people think of us as a couple or friends than they do as siblings, and there's not much of an adoption culture in Korea, and no one adopts and brings European or American children to Korea, so it's no wonder we get these funny misunderstandings.
To be honest, even in the U.S. nowadays, you can still encounter people who ask my brother and I questions about our relationship with unpleasant intentions to hurt us, assuming that we are not a couple or friends, but maybe even a man.A recent memory is of an American grandfather in his 70s who made a very rude remark to us, asking us what kind of father our father was to have two women give birth at the same time.
In the U.S., most people are friendly and kind to me, but the problem is that some people sometimes make fun of my brother because he looks Asian, but this was not the case in Korea at all.No one discriminated against me because of my different appearance.
And there's actually a story I wasn't going to tell in this article, but I'm writing it down because I had my brother's permission to do so.After arriving in Korea, we decided to search for my adopted brother's birth parents in order to trace his roots.My parents and I respected his decision to pursue this endeavor in Korea, and of course, we decided to support it. We visited the Korean adoption agency and requested my brother's adoption records.The representative provided us with all the information possible and was eager to help us, saying that efforts to find one's roots are ongoing every day.Together, we were able to find some important clues in the records.
My brother decided to visit his birthplace based on those clues, and of course, I joined him on the journey.We were always laughing since we came to Korea, but at this moment, there was more seriousness than laughter.We visited my brother's birthplace together and talked to the local people.
At the time, there was only a vague record of my brother's father and mother, but no proper records, so we only knew where he was born, and we had to go there and find someone who had lived there for a long time.But Korea is a very fast-developing country, and the sad thing is that the area where my brother was born and spent the first few months of his life was already torn down and replaced by a huge apartment complex. We felt that if we had come sooner, at least before these new apartments were built, things would have been at least better than they were, but there was no point in regretting what had passed.We visited the social welfare center and police station in the area, explained our situation, and asked for help.The Korean people were very kind, listening to my brother's story and letting us know what we could do.
We were told that when a new apartment building is built in Korea, new people who have no connection to the area move into the apartment, but that some of the people who live in these new apartments have been living here for a long time, most likely elderly people, and that the best thing to do is to find them and ask them about their past.We felt that this information would be very useful to us, as we were very confused and frustrated.
So my brother and I, along with a Korean lady who felt sorry for us and wanted to help, approached the elderly people who came in and out of the apartment and asked them questions.But despite all our efforts, we were unsuccessful in finding my brother's biological parents.We had many clues and information, but we were unable to find any conclusive evidence.My brother was disappointed, but we were comforted by the fact that we had done our best. Maybe if we could have spent a few weeks, maybe even a few months here to find and talk to an elderly person with memories of the past, we could have found a clue to the solution, but we couldn't stay in Korea, so in the end, we had to give up without proceeding any further.When I saw the look on my brother's face as he said that if he had the chance, he would visit Korea next time for this sole purpose, I felt a great sense of disappointment.“It's a shame that we couldn't find them, but thank you for trying,” he said to me.I couldn't say it anymore.
It would have been great if he could have completed his homework, but he didn't.Contrary to my initial expectations, the Korean adoption agency tried to be as helpful as possible, and I was very grateful to the government officials in the place of my brother's supposed birth, who were very sympathetic to his situation and actively tried to help him, and to the Korean lady who passed by.
Having been treated by the Korean healthcare system in the past, I took this level of care for granted and thought that it was something that everyone could enjoy, but then, when I was a high school student in the U.S., I was seriously ill and did not receive the same care as I did in Korea, so I remember suffering terribly and tried to understand why this difference occurred.
Before I came to Korea, I had already arranged to meet with someone, and although I didn't get to visit any specialized institutions, I was able to meet with Korean college students, and I learned a lot of information from them: medical students, pharmacy students, and I was able to get a lot of information from them.
The Korean healthcare system was different from the U.S. in many ways: it was fast, efficient, and provided a high level of care at a relatively low cost.The quick response and organized system for emergencies was especially impressive.The emergency rooms in Korea were very reasonably priced, allowing people to go to them for minor and mild symptoms.At this point, I thought that if there were a lot of people going to the emergency room for minor symptoms, it would be a problem if someone came in who needed emergency care, but the hospitals in Korea made it very easy to answer that question. I also learned that when a really urgent patient comes in, the emergency room prioritizes the emergency patients and treats them first, ignoring the minor ones. It's so simple and obvious: the doctors have the skills to determine the severity of the patient's condition, and they can prioritize the treatment accordingly.
Not only that, but it was very easy to get an appointment in Korea and the wait time was short. The Korean medical staff emphasized patient care and prompt treatment, and they utilized the latest medical technology and equipment to provide the best possible medical care.
In the U.S., medical care is often very expensive, complicated, and difficult to access quickly, and many people are unable to get proper treatment due to insurance issues.I also received prompt treatment in Korea when I was in middle school without insurance and had to pay a reasonable price, but the experience was a nightmare as I remember being very sick in middle school and high school, and I felt that the Korean system was far superior.I felt that the Korean healthcare system is not for profit, but is dedicated to protecting the health of the people.
Through my experiences in Korea, I learned about a much broader world than what my brother and I knew before.There are many factors that make Korea such a great country, but the culture and system that my brother and I experienced firsthand helped us understand why.And most of all, Korea is the country that made my brother.I have grateful feelings for Korea, which is also my brother's roots.
My brother and I could tell without speaking to each other that through this visit, we saw in each other a willingness to continue to love Korea more and more, and to strive to learn and understand Korean culture.
Korea is now a country that has special meaning to me as an adult, and I think it will be a great pleasure for me to honor my brother's roots and watch Korea develop and grow.I will continue to connect with Korea and try to help more people discover its charms.
And next year, he plans to visit Korea to find his roots once again. He plans to stay in Korea for more than a month, and he will continue his best efforts during that period.

I lost my beloved cat, Edie, a week ago. And it feels like an eternity.
Back in January, I had to leave my grad school and move back in with my parents in my home state following some medical problems where my only treatment options were in my hometown. I took 9 year old Edie with me and did everything I knew to do to make the adjustment easier on her.
Right away, she started having problems with vomiting and urinating/defecating around the house. In February, I took her to the local vet, who ran bloodwork and a fecal test. They said she was probably just anxious but prescribed some antibiotics and an antidiarrheal in case she had an infection of some sort. Edie got somewhat better but continued having issues urinating/defecating outside the litter box. We changed her litter to a fragrance free formula and her food to a sensitive stomacblh formula in hopes it would help, but nothing changed.
All the while, my own health has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Edie stopped sleeping upstairs with me. Then she stopped coming upstairs at all. I avoided being downstairs at all costs. Edie ate and ate but continued to lose weight. My mom said she was worried about Edie, but I assured her the vet said she was fine.
Last Monday, Edie climbed upstairs and snuggled with me for a long time. That night, she collapsed while walking, and we rushed her to emergency vet. Over the course of five months, Edie had dropped from 7 lbs to 2.98 lbs, and her bloodwork showed she was in septic shock. I made the decision to put Edie to sleep, and she died in my arms, away from her home. The vet said Edie probably had cancer even before I adopted her.
I feel like a terrible pet parent. I LOVED that cat. She got me through two family deaths and nearly attempting suicide twice. She slept on my bed; she had everything I knew to give her. I only had her for 18 months, but I loved her like I've never loved anything or anyone before. I feel so hurt and angry. How could I have let my baby go through that? Why didn't I take her to the vet sooner? I was so focused on my own health that I didn't notice Edie getting sicker.
I miss my baby so much. I'd give anything to have her back. My mom made me get a new cat two days ago. He's sweet, but all I feel is a hole in my heart. I want to love him, but all I feel is that it should be Edie with me instead of this new cat.
This week has been hell. My doctor prescribed sedatives just to get me through the nights without her. Every little thing reminds me of my baby, and my mom is actively getting rid of or putting away Edie's things. I wish I could make people understand how goddamn painful it is. How much I'm hurting. I keep breaking down crying over little things. Today it was finding out the color I picked for Edie's urn is the same color as my favorite music box.
I don't want to keep feeling this way. Everything feels so big and everything is moving too fast. This has been the longest week of my life, and I just want Edie here. Words can't describe how much I loved ny baby and how much I miss her.

In March, my fiancés ex randomly called us and told us that she would be moving with their child, as well as her boyfriend and soon to be born child, to South Carolina and that his visitation would change to every other month for 1.5 weeks. Obviously, we were very shocked, angry and just confused. (Side note: she posted about her boyfriend cheating again and having to figure things out as a single mom in January so that’s why we were so confused). I’ve been with my fiancé since his daughter was 7 months old and throughout that time the custody schedule has shifted to what’s best for her age, but we have always seen her consistently throughout the week every week. My fiancé has also consistently paid an agreed upon amount of $400 monthly. I know that may seem small but neither us nor her are making more than 3k a month. With that said, none of this has been through the courts so there was technically nothing stopping her from moving. I should note he has established paternity by signing a VDOP at SD birth since him and BM were never married. The actual time share has gone between 20-35ish % throughout the last 3 years (SD is 3 currently), and currently she has reduced him back down to 20% (since we served her court papers she won’t let us have any more time). The reason being was because she became a stay at home mom so she felt the time where SD was only with me was no longer necessary (which I get). This shift for her happened around the time my fiance started a new job and was working a lot so we didn’t fight it cause any extra time we would get, SD would just be with me since my fiance was working so much. Eventually, he was able to put himself into a position to be able to have his daughter more cause he no longer had to work the same hours he was when he first started. We were planning on approaching her to change the schedule to increase our time with SD since work schedule was better and we felt she was old enough that spending longer periods at each house was best for her, however that’s when BM told us her plan to move. After she told us her plan to move, we tried to have a few conversations to try to get things figured out without court, but everything just came down to money when it came to BM. She claims that they’re moving because they can’t afford to raise 2 kids in CA ( living off of only her boyfriend’s income cause she plans to be a SAHM). Our response was we want more time with her any way and if it’s too expensive for you to have 2, then us having her more time will help alleviate that. Her response was if you want more time then you need to pay me more. We also feel frustrated cause it feels like how she treats him as a father is completely dependent on her relationship status. When this boyfriend cheated on her last year she was in full support and thought it was best for SD to have pretty much equal time between homes and get to grow up with both of her parents and for them to coparent, however when her and boyfriend are good and she gets pregnant it changes to he’s a terrible father and doesn’t do anything so she has more authority. It’s been kinda rough that SD was so young when they split cause it felt inevitable that she would need to be with mom more since she was breastfeeding, sleep training etc. After these recent conversations, we felt like there was no other option than to take it to court not only in order to try and prevent her from moving, but regardless to get more time since she will not respond to making a new schedule with more equal time share. We’ve all always avoided it because we know it’s ugly and just felt like we could all figure it out, but at this point that feels impossible.
I guess my question is, what are the odds of us getting more custody and what are the odds of her being able to move away? At the end of the day our focus isn’t on child support, however with her not working and solely relying on her bfs income, how would that affect it? I know that it really looks bad that on paper he has her 20%, however he is a very present and loving father and it really hurts my heart to think that my SD could end up having to grow up with her parents living across the country from one another, and inevitably having daddy issues. Seeing her relationship with her dad, I know the hurt and confusion it would cause her to go from seeing him every couple days to every 2 months.
Please no judgement. I’m posting this cause I could use some positive words and some insight. Thank you!

Hey everyone, firstly I wanna say thank you for the support I'm getting talking about all this. I've mentioned it already but it really does help me feel less crazy just being able to dump this all on someone and not feel like I'm going to have to go to a mental hospital or something. I also meant to post this update earlier today, but my internet was acting strange and would let me do anything with it all day. Finally was able to post using the internet at work and I hope a few things that happened in this story will explain some stuff, or maybe just raise more questions. Who knows at this point.
One thing that's helped besides trauma dumping here is a friend I have here asked me to a lake nearby to hang out for Memorial Day. Of course with everything going on here, I was more than happy to accept. If not just to get away for a while. We had a great day, beers, swimming, finally seeing some people I knew were real again. The whole past weekend or so has been a lot and some sense of normalcy really helped my nerves. It still all weighed on the back of my mind though. The man with the box, the key, the screams and knocking. Especially Macy. Maybe some part of me just wanted to brush off our last weird text interaction and see her again. Maybe some part, I'd say the bigger part, just wanted to figure out if she's related to this somehow.
When I got back last night, it was the same as always. Not a single person around. Again I wanna be clear, there's a ton of cars in the parking lot, like to the point I have trouble finding a spot close to my building door. And obviously I've seen the man with the box and Macy, so I know there's definitely people that live here. But nobody around, except them of course. I guess this time it could've just been the fact I got home late. Still... it gives me chills the deeper I think about it.
I made my way up the stairs to my apartment, the echoing of my footsteps through the stairwell emphasizing to me just how alone I was. Back inside, I unconsciously threw my own keys on my counter right next to the key from before and it really all came flooding back. But I'm trying to stay level headed. Regardless, to try to keep it from sending me over the edge, I slid it away from mine and haphazardly threw a notebook nearby on top of it to block it from view. I went out to my balcony and lit a cigarette. What I had initially thought was going to be the end to the night.
Leaning on the railing, I let the nicotine calm me back down. Across the street I noticed house lights here and there shutting off, other folks calling it a night too as the holiday came to an end. As I finished and put it out in the, admittedly overly full ashtray, I noticed the mark on the small rug I placed out there from the coffee Macy spilled. I got it right after the box incident to cover the scratches from that in the concrete. The stain was right where the scratches would've been and I had a strange thought. I whipped out my phone and fumbled to turn the flashlight on. Once it was, I lifted the rug and shined the concrete underneath. The scratches were completely gone as if they, or even the box, had never been there.
As I stared in confusion, I got a text message. My heart skipped a beat and I dropped both the rug and my phone, luckily not losing it off the balcony. I snapped myself back to reality and picked it back up to check. It was Macy. After about a full minute of contemplation, I opened it.
"Hey I saw you get home," she had written. How? How on earth did she see me get home? I'm hyper vigilant for anyone, anyone at all I can see whenever coming or going given the circumstances, and I definitely didn't see her anywhere. The more rational part of my brain reminded me she came to my apartment, I hadn't any idea which one she lived in so maybe her window faced the parking lot and she had seen me that way. Even that though, what are the chances she would see me get back right when I did and text so soon after unless she had been watching for me already? I didn't know if that was flattering or another thing I should be worried about. On top of that, her last other text I could still see right above this one made me more sure that something was going on.
I immediately went into investigation mode. "Oh hey, yea lol I've been out with a friend all day," I replied. My whole goal now was to try to seem casual and see if I could pull something out of her to figure out just what the hell is happening here. I wasn't going to ask her about the last text, I certainly wasn't going to bring up the screaming or knocking. I had to navigate this carefully.
"Oh fun! How was it?" This is getting even stranger, she seemed more casual than I was actively trying to be. Granted I barely knew this girl, this didn't sound like the one I met. But I'm not stopping here.
"It was fun yea, I'm a bit exhausted haha," I tried not to leave it open for her to actually have a reason to come over. I was actually tired, but now I wanted answers and wasn't looking to have anymore weird incidences right now. Despite not wanting any though, I'm sure you can tell I wouldn't be writing this if they didn't happen.
"Good!" another out of character response.
As chill as possible, I replied, "So how was your day? Anything interesting?" Doing my best to pry at some sort of evidence or answers or something. I regret sending it now, what she said next just made me more worried. I should've just ignored my phone and went to bed.
"Yea I met a really nice guy in the building, he's cool we should all hang out sometime" I know exactly who she's talking about, I'm sure you know exactly who she's talking about. Now I couldn't stop myself.
"Did he give you anything?" Dammit. I hit send before thinking. That was definitely too much and too abrupt. At best I sound like a weirdo or like I was about to get jealous. At worse I was gonna get the answer I didn't want. The answer I expected as badly as I didn't want to.
"Lol yea actually how'd you know? He left a box with a really nice note sometime after he left. It's supposed to be a gift, but I don't really get it." I should've ended the conversation right there and just come up with a reason in the morning why. But I felt like the puzzle pieces were close to fitting together. Unfortunately, I was right.
I felt I was getting obsessed. "Really? So you opened it?"
"Yea there was like an old jewelry box inside, I think he forgot the key though, it's locked" I knew what would open it. I slowly looked to the spot on the counter where the key was. Still covered by the notebook. I went over to it and placed my hand on the notebook. When I did though I was jump scared again by the slam of a door. Rather, not a door slamming shut but the way it sounds when someone opens it hard and it bangs into the wall. Clearly coming from the hallway. Then another, then another. I heard this over and over again getting further and further away until finally it stopped. I wish I never walked out to investigate but like I said, I was obsessed now and just had to know. I cautiously, quietly as possible, opened my door and peered out.
Every single door down to the opposite end of the hall was wide open. I'd like to say I was relieved, finally seeing some sign of the other apartments being occupied. But because every one, at least that I could see, was pitch black inside, it still wasn't evidence per se. Until I started seeing hands.
Out of the next door apartment, almost coyly, someone's hand slowly stuck out and started waving. I started walking towards it. Looking back now it was like I was in a trance. I just had to see. I had to see what was in the apartment. As soon as I got close enough to actually try to see inside proper, the hand yanked back inside and the door slammed back shut, immediately followed by a quick series of angry knocks from the other side of the door. Then I noticed another hand coming out of the next apartment. Waving.
Picking up my pace now, I walked towards this apartment door. But the same thing happened before I got close enough. The door slammed shut and a quick set of the same aggressive knocks followed. This process repeated over and over the same way all the way down the hall as I kept walking faster until I was jogging. I had to see inside one of these apartments. But every time. Hand. Wave. Slam. Knocks.
That happened until I reached the end of the hall, where noticeably, no hand came out of the last apartment. I stopped in my tracks. Anxiously I started towards this last door. It was pitch black like the rest, but in the doorway, someone was standing there. It was Macy.
She was facing into the apartment away from me and she seemed off. Not the way she was acting, I mean obviously pulling a Blair Witch in the doorway was off, don't get me wrong. I mean there was something off about the way she looked. She looked taller...her hands looked bigger...her shoulders looked broader. "M-Macy?" I tried to get her attention. She slowly turned around and I noticed her looked different too. Bigger like the rest of the things that seemed off about her now, but I recognized those eyes. I couldn't forget those eyes if I wanted to. Ever since I saw them in the parking lot. Ever since I saw them from balcony. And there they were again, just staring again.
Macy began a slow smile. Wider and wider until she looked even stranger than she already did. I started backing away. She stepped out and turned. Now standing still in the hallway with the same expression and strange features. She didn't follow me but I didn't dare take my eyes away off her until I got to the other end of the hall and to my apartment. Still looking at her standing like a statue, I patted around my door until I found the handle. Slipping inside as quick as possible, I locked the door. The screaming started again.
I could tell where it was coming from exactly now though. It was coming from down the hall where I left Macy. And it was getting closer. Slowly but surely making its way to my end of the hall. I grabbed my gun, terrified at what might come next. Louder and louder, I heard this blood curdling scream until it was right outside my door. I raised my gun, but just as suddenly as it started, it completely stopped. Next thing I heard was my phone vibrate. Still watching for what might happen at the door, I checked my phone. It was Macy...
"Wanna open it?"
I didn't even think about texting her back. I stayed up for a long long time the rest of the night, but that text seemed to top off the night's events as nothing else happened. The day at the lake and then everything I had just been through had me wiped out and eventually I couldn't stay awake. I the time I was awake I was too freaked to write any update, so that's what I'm doing now while the memory is still fresh. I ended up taking a double and letting my evening shift run into a night shift. Hopefully, I'll get some ideas on what to do next after I spend a night or two away from that place.

I (F24) recently ended a year long relationship w my ex gf (F35) back in March. When we first took a break, I felt like she was the one who wasn’t pulling through and providing and it turns out I was the one that was failing her. She wanted our conversations to be natural, fun, creative, etc. but to her they felt forced and prompted, she wanted us to have a more natural flow to things. It was understandable as it was something I missed too. After we took our break, she even said that she just had this gut feeling it was supposed to be us at the end of the day and that she couldn’t shake it. I thought that my conversational skills were improving and that we were getting to a better place but when she said she thought we should stop trying to get back together, I was absolutely blind sided. She wants to stay friends but thinks we should have time and space (it’s been about 2.5 weeks since we’ve been trying to give each other space) but I’ve been struggling with that. I’ve been trying my hardest but I’ve admittedly texted her a few times… I was speaking emotionally and told her I wish we never dated. I didn’t mean it and I would never mean it. I just got tired of her knowing I was upset and I was trying to hide my pain from her by gaslighting myself into thinking I didn’t care. I apologized for that and more but she hasn’t replied (it’s understandable I didn’t expect her to reply). I messed up big time and I want her back bc i have a solid plan at figuring out how to fix our conversations. It’s such a small and simple thing that I feel is not a lot to ask for and I just didn’t know how to go about it before. I love her so much and ,although my previous words regretfully do not show that, I know I can be better for her. She said she’s tired of going in circles and that there’s nothing I can do to fix it but I feel like she said that because she thinks I’m incapable of changing. I know I can change and I would do anything she asked if it meant we’d get back together. As stupid as it sounds, I’d get on the guardians of the galaxy ride or incredicoaster at DCA if it meant she’d come back. To outsiders that may sound stupid and easy but she’d understand the weight behind that.. I just need one more chance to prove to her that we can do it. I fucked up so bad.. do you think I can fix it? What should I do?
TLDR: My gf and I broke up and I was a bit harsh and rude via text. I know I can change and want her back…

Hello! I thought I’d post to this group as I’m looking for advice as to how my partner and I can best prepare for retirement when we’re in very different spots financially. Here are a few pertinent details:
Me:
40 yrs old
Income: $110k per year
Retirement: $515k; maxing out every year and also maxing out IRA; company contributes 5%; also I’ll have a pension (amount tbd)
Savings: $98k (about $30k in house repairs over the next few years thus why I have that much in cash on hand)
My partner:
50 yrs old
Income:$140k
Retirement: $120k; also gets about $15k a year or so in stock options from his company. He is contributing about $28k a year now.
Savings: $25k
Debt: a mortgage (28yrs left, 3.8% interest rate, about 2k a month); very small modest house in a HCOL area. No other debt.
Basically the crux of the issue is he is very behind on retirement. This was due to a job loss and divorce that happened at the same time, combined with poor financial decisions (e.g. being way, way too accommodating with his ex wife during the divorce and taking on an unequal share of the marital debt).
Meanwhile, I could probably back off a bit in terms of what I’ve been contributing to my own retirement. In terms of plans (which I know can/will change), I don’t plan to retire early as I like working and always have.
I guess the advice that I’m looking for is…what would you do? At this point he doesn’t have much time left for his money to grow, so that’s where I wonder if it would make sense to focus on lowering our expenses (for example, pay off our house early?) or putting any additional money I make into a HYS account I can tap into to help cover expenses when he can no longer work but I’m not yet old enough to claim SS or don’t want to withdraw from my 401k.
Thanks in advance for any advice!

Idk about you guys but I've always loved how a shower felt after a bunch of work. Something special about it. Anyway thanks for reading! :)
They were both offered showers by town citizens happy to open their homes. Gareth found showers immensely awkward but didn’t need to worry as a few townsfolk drew him a bath. With some extra help from Deag, who had taken a short trip to the ship, he treated the water and was finally able to eat something. It was no traditional Weilan spa, but it was… close enough. If he was being entirely honest, he was just glad to finally be able to eat something. He may have fibbed to Pen when they talked about food. He wasn’t near starving quite yet and even though being carried had allowed him to conserve a lot of energy, it wouldn’t have helped much longer.
He looked down at his poor shell. Its color greatly diminished from the lack of food and immense stress of the whole ordeal. He could feel the buildup of toxins in his system before and it was wonderful to feel them washing out. He sighed and slumped down under the water. Again, he inspected his shell. Wilting and greying all over his eyes wandered to the crack made by Pen when she pulled him out of the way of the turret. Probably another two months to heal but it was coming along. She must have remembered it too when they were falling. She was gentler. It honestly surprised him that he managed to survive that fall without any major injury.
Gareth let his thoughts drift aimlessly as he soaked under the water. After a few minutes, though, he heard a thump from outside the tub. He rose up from the water and peeked over the lip of the tub. A small human child stared back from the washroom door. Small by human standards that is. He was shorter than Gareth but only by a few inches. If Ton’et’s human biology lessons were serving him well the boy wouldn’t remain much smaller than him for more than a year or so. He should be quickly entering a time of quick growth that humans experience periodically in their formative years.
“Mmmhmmmb” the boy mumbled, still hiding most of himself behind the door.
“What was that?” Gareth asked.
The boy shirked slightly but found his voice after a moment.
“You… You’re weird looking.”
Gareth chuckled.
“You’re the weird looking one.”
The boy's brow furrowed, easier to read than Pen by far. The child wore his emotions on his face.
“Nuh uh…”
“Yuh huh.” Gareth mimicked the child.
“No, you don’t look like anyone else here.”
“Well, I’m not from here, am I? I’m from a place where everyone looks like me and nobody looks like you.”
This seemed to puzzle the boy.
“How many people?”
Gareth tilted his head. An odd question.
“Lots? Trillions.”
“Is that more than here?”
It dawned on him the math the boy was doing.
“Definitely.”
“Darn…”
The boy lightly tapped the doorframe with his foot.
“You could go see them.” Gareth offered.
“Really?” A shine came to his eyes.
“Oh definitely, there's a ton to see. More places out there than trees in that forest outside.”
The boy didn’t understand trillions but that comparison made sense to him.
“Waoooaahhh,” a frown came to his face quickly, “but I like it here though. I have friends here.”
“So when you miss them, just come on back. No reason you cant enjoy both right?”
Gareth's words were a joyous revelation to the boy.
“I’d love that I think…”
“I think you would to.” Gareth chuckled.
“You may be weird but you're pretty cool. My names Cameron by the way.”
“Pleasure to meet you Cameron, I’m Gareth. I think you’re weird and cool too.”
Cameron giggled and sprinted away, stopped, turned around, closed the door gently, then turned back around and sprinted away again. Gareth sunk back down into the tub smiling.
Pen stepped under the shower head with her face turned up. Steaming hot water hit her face and ran down taking all the stress and sweat with it.
A proper shower was exactly what Pen needed. She was no stranger to dirt and sweat and when needs must, she had no issue. That said, filthy was by no means a preferred state and after two days hard march, sleeping in the dirt, and only washing off in a river, a proper shower felt divine. It almost reminded her of washing off after a particularly arduous drop. There was something especially satisfying about it.
Soap, warm water, and more time to enjoy it than she’d ever have been given on the Basho. After getting clean she turned the heat up as high as it could go and propped herself against the wall of the shower letting the water run over her shoulders and back. The heat melted through the tension and washed it down the drain.
Ahhhhhh. Perfect.
Something tickled her neck and she brought her right hand up to it. She pulled a long strand of hair away. It struck her as odd and brought her attention to her hair. It had gotten longer. The strand in her hand was almost alien due to how long it had been since she’d allowed it to grow out beyond a few inches.
She brought both her hands up now, raking them through the newfound length. She’d start having to wear it up if she didn’t want to cut it.
She kind of didn’t. Why should she?
After a nice long while in the hot shower she turned the water off and stepped out. The bathroom was heavy with steam, but she saw that towels and clothes had been set by the sink for her. She dried herself and examined the clothing. It was a simple handwoven dress, loose cut and floor length. The dress was dyed olive green and parchment white with a humble little leaf-like pattern embroidered around the wrists and neckline.
It certainly wasn’t her normal fare, but it was clearly a kind gesture and matched the clothing most wore around town. With how little worn and well taken care of it looked Pen could guess that it meant a lot to the person who donated it.
Pen donned it and looked to the mirror only to find it utterly fogged up.
A light knock came from the other side of the door.
“Are you alright miss?” a woman’s voice asked.
“Yea…” Pen faltered.
“Oh does the dress not fit? Or would you prefer something else?”
“No, no, it fits fine,” it did reach the floor though perhaps not as much as it was intended to, “How about you tell me how I look.”
Pen opened the door. Steam rolled out as she moved into the room with the young woman. She was a stranger to Pen but looked like the older lady whose house this was. Pen guessed a daughter.
“Oh my, I think you look quite nice! Olive is definitely one of your colors. Here!” The girl fumbled somewhat but showed Pen to a tall mirror in the far corner of the room.
It was… certainly a look. Not one she was used to but that was expected. The dress fit fine and it did look nice. Pen couldn’t help but notice, though, that it sat oddly on her. Not tight or revealing by any means, just… a gentler looking piece of clothing on a less than gently built frame. It wasn’t exactly made to be worn by a muscled body.
“Oh erm here miss,” the young woman handed her a hair tie but pulled back, “or if you want I could help you put it up? Its at that weird point where its not long enough to… you know but too long to uh it can be difficult. If you want I can…”
“I… appreciate it but I’ll be fine. I think I'll leave it down for now.”
“Right. Well, here. Just in case you want to.”
She again handed the hair tie but this time let Pen take it. Pen stowed it around her wrist.
“Is Gareth?”
“Oh yes your friend is across the street at the Patterson's. I can bring you over if you like.”
“Lead the way.”
“Of course.”
The girl led her out of the house and across the street. Pen saw a couple putting up woven cloth streamers across the road. They anchored them in trees with some parallel and others crossing.
As the girl stepped up the front porch of the, apparently, Patterson's house she waved to an older gentleman in a rocking chair.
“Evening Mr. Patterson. This is Penelope, she was just calling on her friend.”
“Evening dear. Evening miss. Yer friend hasn’t come out yet but you can head on up. To the left at the top, far end door.”
“Thanks.”
His hand came up to keep her just a moment.
“Thank you miss.” He said accentuating the ‘you’.
He looked at her like they all did. She knew what he meant and as awkwardly as it always was she smiled and nodded before she pushed past him. At least he had the good sense not to salute.
As she climbed the stairs just inside the door to the house she heard the man ask a question of the girl.
“Dear, could you ask your mother about a few fertilizer spikes? The peach is looking like it needs some help.”
Pen continued too far to make out her reply but could guess by its warm tone that it was a yes. She turned at the top of the stairs and walked to the end of the hall. Knocking on the door she called out to Gareth.
“You still soaking?”
“Just suiting up. I’ll be out in a min.”
A ‘min’ huh? Pen thought.
Previous
First

Single mom only child. My mum moved abroad to give me a better life and education. Went from a rural town in a south east asian community to a large city on the north american south coast. She worked multiple jobs to make ends meet and she still has financial struggles to this day. Was never able to purchase and rent is ballooning, so savings don't exist. She's hitting retirement soon, and I'm trying to figure out how I can support her in her retirement.
Anyways, I have an ok career and have recently purchased a small condo with my partner. We both killed our savings and then some, and half our income now goes to housing. We want to start a family eventually, and viewed this as a way to avoid the ever so ballooning rent. Prior I used to live with my mum and paid about half of the home and grocery expenses, as well as any outings. I don't have that kind of money anymore.
Note: a 2 bedroom condo less than 1000sqf goes for just under a million dollars. A 2 bedroom rental is about 3k. Minimum wage is just over 15 dollars an hour so u can see how difficult it is just to keep a roof above your head and food on the table here.
We are also very close. We would often go on mother daughter trips and were attached at the hip during covid. Moving about an hour away means I can only see her once a week now.
Having the space between us as an adult felt much needed but at the same time I constantly feel guilty cause of all the hard work she's put into giving me this life. Also living the north american life you end up desiring that independancy. I try my best to make the day I do see her eventful. Visit a festival or event in the area, walk in the park, cute cafe or brunch, but as she gets older I get more worried about her quality of life and ability to retire and the fact if I was living with her, her expenses would be halved and she wouldn't be so lonely.
Reasons I was a bit adamant of her living with me and my partner is that when my parents were together when I was young, my mum often got berrated by my grandma (dads mom). There were other issues like my dad being severely depressed and unable to keep a job, but the main reason for their seperation was my grandma. She felt like it wasn't her own space, and always felt like she was being judged and disapproved of. It didn't help my dad never stood up for her. She wanted to move back to SE asia but stayed so I could have a better life. My mum is nothing like my grandma but the idea of living with inlaws just don't float my boat the right way, and I have an irrational fear it could ruin the relationship I have with my partner. He thinks it's fine if she ended up staying with us down the line when she becomes older, but my anxiety immediately goes up cause I remember what my mum went through when i was a kid.
Wondering if anyone else is going through anything similar.
Anyways tldr: my mum worked really hard to get me where i am today. Shes getting older (retirement age), and her financial situation sucks. I feel extremely guilty moving out, and am unsure how to help her as I can barely cover my own expenses.

I remember being 13 the first time I used a tape measure to measure out my face and head. I had measured my philtrum to be too long, my lips much too thin and mouth too small. My eyes were far too deep set and hooded. My nose was too small for my face to look balanced. Jaw too wide. A lot of me was and is too wide feeling. My head is big. I was a big baby too. Came out at 11 pounds. Even when smaller physically I can never get the feeling of taking up so much space. I feel like I encompass a room the way bulky furniture does. And it’s painful. Because I’d cry and cry and argue with my mom how I felt. How wrong I felt. And she’d cry and get so mad with me. That I was beautiful and I’m comparing myself to things that weren’t real but they are. Little things like I was not as beautiful as my friend in an objective way. And my hair is so thin and fine I didn’t even have the ability to hide any of it or even pretend. Couldn’t do cool hairstyles. Makeup still sits awkwardly on my face no matter how I try to improve. I do a 8 step skincare routine every night and still can’t get rid of the red patch of white heads on my nose. It was so effortless for some people. And for a long time I tried to make up for it by being the kind of person who complimented others as much as possible. Every nice thing I had to say was shared. But no one had nice things to say about me if it wasn’t about my ass. Even my own family. I am so uncomfortable in my body. I hate being touched or desired. I hate being looked at.
The worst part is how consumed by it I am. How vain I feel. How ugly I feel on the inside. No one will love me for my outside and the inside is just as unsightly. Sometimes I feel so completely and utterly disgusting. I have such a hard time making friends because I feel so deeply and painfully poorly about myself. I don’t discuss it with others. Few to no people know how deep my self hatred goes. But I wanted to be beautiful so so bad. Not ‘ you’re so beautiful to me’. I wanted to just be ‘you’re beautiful’. The kind of beautiful that someone would stop to tell me in the bathroom or my social awkwardness got to be cute instead of off putting. The kind where I didn’t have to know how my extended family talks about me behind my back. I want to cry pretty. I want someone to be gobsmacked by me. But it’s not a reality. I’m never going to get to be like psyche or Helena or Eurydice. And I wish it was over. I’m so tired of being consumed by this. So so so tired.