TL;DR: Just some tired, annoying, mentally ill, gamer dude trying to find a half decent connection. I'm not out to try and impress anyone, and never will be lol. Low effort introductions will be ignored, sorry! If you have a disdain for games, movies, banter, cars, or humor as a whole just pass me up. Also, if you're keen on one sided conversations or short term too
I'm attempting to find new friends or a relationship, if it happens. The people I have spoke to over the last several years of my life either became too busy or entirely different people. So, it's slowly just dwindled to null, meaning you'd get a fair bit of attention lmao. I miss having someone to talk and complain to everyday about whatever + that seemingly care, y'know? At this point I'd take having people to small talk with lmao
I will say it would probably be ideal if you could relate to the older online era. I mean, within the realm of peak CoD lobbies, Habbo, and similar. Idk, it seemed like back then people were more fun. Lol I've found they're usually less sensitive too
Honestly, I could care less if it's SFW, NSFW, or a mix when it comes to conversations. I'm relatively open minded in general, and don't take to getting offended easily either. The only things I ask are for you to be somewhat close to my age (20+), honest, and relatively blunt. I mean, bonus if you can relate to the tired feeling. Well, that or if you can tolerate it at the very least. I don't want to list an absurd amount about myself, because I feel that ruins actual back and forth to a degree, personally
About You: • Non-sensitive and can handle banter, jokes, and memes while also returning
• Somewhat available and able to reply in a decent amount of time / has some degree of conversational skill
• Has an ability to express interest or converse about hobbies that aren't your own (on average used to people just passing by half of what I say)
• You can be equally boring as myself or worse tbh, as long as there's back and forth. If you're some mass extrovert then I can live vicariously through you in contrast lmao
• It would be cool if you enjoyed sharing music. I'm always looking for new stuff for my playlist
• You enjoy movies
I will say none of these are requirements. They're extremely preferred though tbh
About Me: • I'm currently twenty-seven, and feel awful. Regardless, quarter life crisis is still persisting lol
• I have relatively awful internet. So, games take forever to update, think a day or two depending. Also, at some point I want a sim rig (not an over the top money pit one lmao)
• Tends to enjoy most forms of comedy, wether dark / offensive / dry etc + I agree with the stance of jokes being jokes
• Meme Archivarius and Aficionado
• I've officially been learning Norwegian for over a year now. Overall I just enjoy the idea of being bilingual in some capacity. Just a little bit each day, not in a rush lol
• Cold weather / temps wins over hot weather / temps every single time
• I have an absurd amount of hobbies; but, obviously frequent some more than others. So, the likelihood we at least share one in common is very high
• May as wells be a bottle of mental health issues, namely severe depression and general anxiety. So, if you struggle with mental health it's no issue. Honestly, would probably be nice if you can either relate or understand
• Sleeping is a struggle + my general sleep schedule is subpar
• Believes Elon Musk will end up creating catgirls, sooner or later
• Replies Quick
So, aside from all of that, feel free to ask me anything you'd like to know about me. I'm a relatively open book. If you actually read all of this then I apologize, homie. Hopefully this finds you well, my dudes. Feel free to send me a chat (´• `")ゝ

Hi all!
I'll try to make it short.
He 35M Me 29F
My husband had a child (5F) product of a one night stand, she left them and he has full custody since she was 1 year old. He is from another country so his mother came here to help him, they lived together. She, also, has no one in this country. We went to live together with the child (we love each other as mother and daughter) and his mother, of course, came with us. Three months later she went to their country because she wanted to see her daughters and now he doesn't need her help anymore. I thought she was going to stay there but the other day we were on the phone talking (we are super close) and she told me something like "X (my husband) doesn't reply I'm sure he wants me here" I changed the subject. My husband doesn't reply so much because he works A LOT. But he loves her with all his soul. We live in a big city and my MIL lives in a beautiful place with trees, animals, like a farm, and SHE loves that. I'm thinking maybe she doesn't want to come but think he does so she doesn't tell anything. I don't know what my husband wants. I thought it was like she was going to go and we were going to visit her and now I don't know what to think. I love her but I want our space, she was all day in home and I couldn't be alone. I work a lot too and I need some space alone (when the child is in school).
I have a lot of trust with my husband, we talk about anything but I don't know how to say him that I don't want her to live with us without breaking his heart. I want her, if she comes back, living in another place.
TL;DR: My MIL came back to her country after living with us and I don't know how to tell my husband I don't want her to come back and live with us.

Weapons

Quad Explosive +1 Perception Railway
Vampire’s 50VHC 15FR Railway
Gourmand’s 25FFR 15FR Railway
Juggernaut’s 50 Crit 15 VATS Charge Railway
TS E 25 VATS AP Cost Handmade
TS 50 Crit 15R Handmade
(I can put either the Hot Rod Flames or the Intergalactic Paint on the Handmades)
Vampire’s 50 Crit 25 AP Cost Enclave Flamer (Severe Beta Wave Tuner, Stabilized Flamer Barrel, Stabilized Stock)
Juggernaut’s 50 Crit 100 Aiming Move Speed Enclave Sniper (Prime Capacitor, Aligned Sniper Barrel, Stabilized Stock, Long NV Scope)
Mutant’s 25 Weapon Speed 25 AP Cost Enclave Flamer (Aligned Flamer Barrel, Stabilized Stock, Long NV Scope)
Quad 25 Weapon Speed 50 Aiming DR Enclave Plasma Rifle (Aligned Automatic Barrel, Stabilized Stock, Reflex Sight)
Prime Automatic Enclave Plasma Rifle (Prime Capacitor, True Automatic Barrel, Stabilised Stock, Reflex Sight)
Junkie’s +1 Agility Flamer (Used to be Explosive, is now a 1 Star and a 3 Star)
Quad 15AP Refresh +1P Sightless Tesla Rifle
Unrolled Sightless Tesla
Tradable The Gutter (Without skin)
200 Range Furious Explosive Black Powder Rifle (Level 45)
Unrolled 200 Range Black Powder Rifle (Level 25)
Vampire’s 50 Hit Chance 15 Reload Gatling Plasma
Vampire’s Explosive 15 VATS Charge The Fixer
Berserker’s 25 Weapon Speed 15 Reload Submachine Gun
Bloodied 50 Crit 15 VATS Charge Submachine Gun
AA 25FFR 15 VATS Charge Combat Rifle
AA 50 Crit 15FR Double Barrel Shotgun

Treasure Maps

Ash Heap #01 - 250
Ash Heap #02 - 250
Cranberry Bog #03 - 2600
Cranberry Bog #04 - 2350
Mire #02 - 4675

Aid

Leader Bobbleheads - 230
Misc Serums - Around 250

Mods

Enclave Plasma Gun Refined Beta Wave Tuner
Enclave Plasma Gun Calibrated Capacitor
Enclave Plasma Gun Stabilised Stock
Enclave Plasma Gun Aligned Flamer Barrel
Enclave Plasma Gun Stabilized Automatic Barrel
Enclave Plasma Gun Stabilised Short Barrel
Enclave Plasma Gun Stabilised Sniper Barrel
Enclave Plasma Gun True Sniper Barrel 2x
Enclave Plasma Gun True Splitter
Enclave Plasma Gun Long NV Scope 2x
Enclave Plasma Gun Medium NV Scope
Enclave Plasma Gun Short NV Scope
Enclave Plasma Gun Long Scope

Outfits

Yellow Asylum Worker Uniform
Blue Asylum Worker Uniform
Green Asylum Worker Uniform
Brown Asylum Worker Uniform
Soiled Mr. Fuzzy Costume Set
Clean Space Suit Set 2x
Skull Lord Blood Eagle Set 2x
Brotherhood Special Ops Set
Chally the Moo Moo Set
(Plus a lot of other sets of equal value to the ones above)

Junk

5000 Stable Yellowcake Flux
4000 Stable Violet Flux
3000 Stable Cobalt Flux
900 Stable Crimson Flux
900 Stable Fluorescent Flux
100k Steel
14k Nuclear Waste
48k Molded Plastic
20k Lead
20k Adhesive
20k Crystal
20k Copper
10k Ballistic Fiber
24k Aluminium

Ammo

140k Cryo Cell
40k Fuel
60k Fusion Cell
120k Ultracite .50
200k Ultracite 5.56
200 Ultracite Plasma Core

Plans

Alien Disintegrator Plan 5x
Alien Blaster Plan 8x
Electro Enforcer Plan 4x
Cutting Fluid Plan
Several each of the Legacy Mounted Plans (Antlers, Beaver, Brahmin Heads, Cat Head, Deer Head, Dog Head, Fox, Molerat Head, Mongrel Head, Opossum, Squirrel)
(Plus I got loads of Fasnacht Plans and other random assortments of plans and I can craft the Black Powder Rifle Large Bayonet and a few other scrap learn plans as well)

Power Armor

Overeater’s Sentinel Ultracite PA Set
Assassin’s Sentinel Ultracite PA Set

Author’s Note:
Upvotes and comments go a long way in helping me reach a larger audience <3
First
Inside GB-2
“Huh, that wasn’t there before,” Ron said, pointing to a new hole in the wall – another passageway.
Henry turned to look where Ron pointed. Sure enough, there was a new doorway. It must’ve been a section that opened after they restored the power. “Huh, yeah. Let’s check it out.”
He went through, finding a short hallway past it and another room just beyond. Henry signaled for his team to form up, preparing to breach. As they stepped in, they found themselves in a brightly lit room filled with various types of furniture – empty pedestals, comfortable-looking single couches, and empty desks with opened cabinets.
Henry stepped further into the room, eyeing the oddly arranged furniture. The single couches were lined up in neat rows, all facing the same direction – towards the empty desks. It was like some sort of waiting room, but for what?
“Is it just me, or are these couches set up weird?” Isaac asked, voicing the question on everyone’s mind. “I mean, who lines up a bunch of single couches like this?”
“Strange, indeed,” Sera agreed. “They seem arranged as though for spectators, yet naught lies before them to behold.”
Like a movie theater, Henry thought. However, there weren’t any screens or holograms to watch. If there was a clue, it would probably be within the couches themselves.
Dr. Anderson approached one of the desks. “Perhaps this was some sort of office or workspace? The desks and cabinets certainly suggest that.”
Isaac then decided to touch one of the seats, eliciting no reaction. He pushed further, sitting down on one of them. At that point, the couch began to adjust its form to better suit Isaac’s envirosuit, as if able to optimize its comfort for the user. Then, a nozzle slowly stretched up from the seat’s headrest area, stopping just short of Isaac’s neck. “Woah!” Isaac bolted up as the nozzle bonked against his helmet.
“Neural interface, maybe?” Henry wondered. “I think we should leave this to the researchers… unless you wanna volunteer as a lab rat?”
“Hell nah,” Isaac vigorously declined the offer. “Hey, there isn’t anything on my helmet is there?”
Henry dusted off the back of Isaac’s helmet with his glove. “Nope, you’re clear. Just gotta hope it ain’t grey goo.”
He could see the dread and uncertainty through Isaac’s visor. Henry gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Well, think about it this way: if it really was grey goo, it would’ve gotten to us – or the Spiranids, for that matter – long ago. C’mon, let’s secure the next room.”
With a nod, Isaac fell in line behind Henry as they moved towards the doorway leading to the adjacent room. Peeking inside, it couldn’t be further from the rest of the room’s they had encountered so far; not at all what they could’ve possibly expected inside an ancient, high-tech alien facility. It was expansive, with a layout that reminded Henry of a high-end restaurant. Comfortable booths lined the walls, while tables of varying sizes filled the central space. The furniture looked almost human – perhaps even indistinguishably so.
The room was tinted with a soft, cozy yellow light. The warm and inviting ambiance felt soothing compared to the clinical feel of the previous areas. The lighting, combined with the plush booths and elegant tables, gave Henry a nostalgic impression.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” Ryan remarked. “Think they got any cheesecakes?”
If it wasn’t for the alien decor and helping of sleek devices scattered around the room, Henry would’ve thought they were back home. Hell, there was even a bar, filled with exotic liquors that could probably fetch millions at an auction – or give them the trip of their lives. Beside it however was something unusual. Where he might’ve expected a path leading to the kitchen, he instead found a wall with a slight, rectangular-shaped recess that was just big enough for a tray.
He glanced at Isaac, who returned a knowing look. “Replicators,” Isaac said.
Henry smirked. “Personally, I’m partial to synthesizer, but to each their own.”
They gathered around the wall, which didn’t seem to respond to their presence. Taps on the wall didn’t seem to do anything, either. Henry considered probing further, but decided against it. “Alright, let’s not take any chances. We’ll make a note of this for the research teams to analyze later. Let’s keep looking around.”
Henry split apart from the others, pairing with Ron as they continued to walk around the room. They soon came across another doorway on the far side of the room, which opened up into a short corridor that led into multiple sets of doors. Each had a symbol on the wall beside the doors – one that depicted the basic figure of a person.
Ron pushed open one of the doors, taking a peek inside. “Looks like even the Gatebuilders needed restrooms.”
Finally! “Alright, let’s take a quick break here. Bring everyone else over.”
Thankfully, the amenities within were easily comparable to those of modern society. The toilet looked like a toilet, and the sink resembled a sink. Even in a space as mundane as this though, the Gatebuilder’s technology was evident: self-cleaning surfaces and enough technology to put a high-quality Japanese bidet toilet to shame. At least, that was just from the look of things. Henry didn’t think now would be the best time to check whether the restroom had ass-washing robots or not.
After a few minutes, Henry regrouped with the rest of the team around a central table in the ‘restaurant’. Dr. Anderson was already present, his archaeological kit opened and a spread of alien items organized on the table.
“Ah, Captain!” Dr. Anderson noticed him approaching. “We found cabinets that weren’t empty. Most of the artifacts appear to be personal effects.” He held up a necklace, emphasizing his point. “Jewelry, memorabilia, and some other artifacts that I – admittedly – can’t quite describe.”
Dr. Anderson pointed his pickup tool at a small disc laid out on a padded mat. “It hasn’t shown any active properties yet. It’s rather peculiar; it seems to be a solid disc. Lightweight, unblemished surface, no visible markings or etchings.”
“Have you tried touching it directly?” Henry asked.
Dr. Anderson frowned, manipulating the claws of his pickup tool. “Well, not directly.” Catching the implications in Henry’s query, he continued, “I’ve checked for radiation, toxins – all clear. While I’d advise against direct contact, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t the least bit curious.”
Henry nodded. Yeah, the Doc was probably right, but what was discovery without risk? He reached out and picked it up, rotating it in his hands. As his gloved fingers brushed against the surface, the disc suddenly emitted a soft glow.
Henry flinched slightly, almost dropping the disc in surprised. As he fumbled with it, the disc seemed to respond to his touch. Suddenly, a series of objects materialized on the table, appearing out of thin air.
“Oh, shit!” Ron exclaimed. “It just… spawned a bunch of stuff!”
Henry stared at the new items. Several containers, probably holding some kind of food, were still sealed tight and impossibly effective at insulating its contents. It was crazy to think that the food inside might still be hot after who knows how long.
Next to the containers was a bracelet. Possibly normal, possibly enchanted or integrated with technology they couldn’t hope to understand. There was also a bottle of some bright blue liquid – probably for drinking, but there was no way to be sure until Perdue tested it. And then there was the picture, showing a strikingly human couple, holding each other underneath a gorgeous alien sky. It reminded him of memorabilia people would sometimes keep in their wallets, though why humans were there was a mystery.
The last object the disc spat out was a thin, transparent sheet. Coincidentally, it was about the same size as a smartphone. If he had to guess, it probably had the same function as one, too.
“Incredible,” Dr. Anderson gawked at the items. “The disc must be the Gatebuilders’ version of a wallet, somehow using dimensional storage technology!”
“Akin to the Holding Bags,” Kelmithus noticed. He peered into his own Holding Bag, his expression indicating that he was connecting the dots. “Fascinating!”
Dr. Anderson then inspected the image, his face reflecting the same confusion Henry felt when he first saw it. While they continued to sort through the items, Henry explored the sheet further. The moment he tapped the screen, a holographic interface sprung into existence above it.
What he had initially thought was a simple hologram was something far more advanced, almost indistinguishable from reality itself. Almost instantly, they were surrounded by mountains and valleys, details springing up to form a realistic, three-dimensional map.
It was like a pocket holodeck. The only anchors the projection had were the various icons and pockets of text floating around – and the fact that the hologram was transparent enough for him to see his surroundings and his teammates.
Sera seemed to be the most shocked out of all of them. He couldn’t blame her. The sight was surprising enough for himself, who was even familiar with the concept through sci-fi; how much more alien would it seem to someone from – effectively – the past?
“I’ve not beheld such a spell… ever!” she exclaimed softly, pausing to gather her thoughts. “Hold on…” she continued, pointing to the distant peaks. “Why, yon mountain range! Does it not strike you as familiar?”
“Huh?” Ron squinted at it. “Does it?”
“No, yeah, it does!” Isaac said. “Shit, uh, is that the Ovinne Mountain Range?”
Henry brought up the file for the Ovinne Mountain Range on his visor, comparing it to the hologram. “Huh, yeah, it is. What’s a map of that doing in here, though?”
Dr. Anderson raised his hands in the air and spread them apart, mimicking a zoom. Lucky for them, the alien tech seemed to understand what they were going for. Now up close and in full detail, the Ovinne Mountain Range dominated the room. Somewhere in the mountains, an icon that looked like a pair of glasses sat right on top of a Gatebuilder tower, barely poking out of the mountainside.
Ryan crossed his arms as he scrutinized the hologram. “Is this what, Find My iPhone?”
“Hmm… rather likely,” Dr. Anderson agreed. “This device must be some sort of Locator.”
“Locator, huh?” Having this clue was an incredible breakthrough, but he noticed something else. “And right where the Ovinne Mountain Campaign’s supposedly taking place, at that.”
“Indeed, that you mention it, such alignment is surely noteworthy,” Kelmithus remarked. His voice took on a more excited note, “Be it fate, perhaps?”
Henry smirked. “Hah, you’re sounding a bit like Sera, now. Well, looks like fate’s telling us where to go next. Let’s pack this up and head back.”
They carefully stowed the various artifacts in their holding bags, Henry holding on to the Locator. They made their way back to the locker room where they first entered, everyone excited for the next step in their mission.
Henry stepped through the airlock first, emerging on the other side. As he did so, a faint sound caught his attention. It was distant, muffled, but definitely not a sound that belonged to this facility. He wanted to take off the envirosuit, but it seemed that had to wait.
Ron came through the airlock after him. “Bro, you think –”
Henry held up a hand, stopping him short. He raised his weapon, picking up on the ‘something’s not right’ vibe.
Activating his infrared vision and using the laser mounted on his M7, Henry searched for signs of thermal distortions, just like he’d done back at Duke Vancor’s mansion. Ron did the same. As the rest of the team emerged from the airlock, they quickly caught on to the situation. Without a word, they joined them in securing the room.
After clearing the locker room, Henry signaled to move on to the lab next door. It was just as empty as the locker room, but now the sounds were more audible, definitely coming from the hallway just outside. Instructing his team to hold still, he crept toward the doorway to investigate.
He peeked around the corner, and felt his stomach drop. There, in the main hallway, was a group of soldiers. They were decked out in distinctive black armor and cloaks. They had no identifiable markings or insignia on their armor, but it was obvious – these were Nobians.
Henry pulled back, returning to his team. “Contact outside. At least a dozen Nobians securing the hallway.”
Ron’s expression grew serious. “Shit. Any idea on their entry point?”
Henry positioned himself behind a desk, aiming his weapon at the doorway. “Probably the same way we came in.”
“Main corridor’s the only play, huh?” Ryan said.
The main hallway only had one line of sight, and it just happened to be the only way out. Well, the only one they could reasonably access. The facility probably had other exits or fancy teleporters, but they’d already scoured the area for the former and wouldn’t be able to figure out the latter.
“Dozen hostiles doesn’t seem like a lot,” Isaac pointed out, taking out another Black Hornet from his bag. “We’re still good on ammo, too.”
Ron shook his head. “Dozen? Yeah, a dozen that we can see.”
“Owens is right,” Henry agreed. “We can’t confirm their numbers outright. If I had to guess, it would probably be at least fifty. Manageable, but I’d prefer that to be our last resort.”
“How might we fare with a disturbance?” Sera offered.
Kelmithus gripped his staff. “I might conjure an echo of noise distant hence. It shan’t last, but it can afford us enough time for our escape.”
Kelmithus’ plan seemed like it could work, but only if the Nobians didn’t know they were here. “No,” Henry disagreed. “They’ve seen our MRAPs outside. We’d get surrounded.”
“How about negotiation?” Dr. Anderson suggested, a hopeful note in his voice.
“Negotiation? With the Nobians?” Kelmithus questioned.
They all knew what the Nobians were like. It really did come off as a ridiculous idea, but what if Dr. Anderson was right? The archaeologist defended himself, “I know, I know. However, we have yet to confirm their hostility, and it would not serve us well to initiate hostilities with the Nobians.”
Taking in the silence as contemplation, he continued, “If talks break down, we hold our ground here. It’s not ideal, but we’ll control the engagement area and prevent them from flanking us.”
Henry reviewed the situation again. 12 hostiles, but they should expect the worse, so at least 50 hostiles plus failed negotiations. Holding the only way out, they were likely spread out between the hallway, the cave system, and possibly even the forest outside. Dr. Anderson’s plan was solid, but he had a few minor qualms. In particular, holding the line meant possibly exhausting themselves in a battle of attrition.
“Alright. We’ll open with negotiations. I’m skeptical, but it's worth a shot. Should that fail, we can’t engage in a drawn-out conflict. We’ll disrupt their positions and quickly move to the cave outside.”
“Smoke grenades and flashbangs,” Ryan muttered.
“Affirmative,” Henry said, nodding in agreement. “If we can’t see them, we’ll level the playing field so they can’t see us.”
“Captain,” Kelmithus quickly interjected, “Bid me aid your efforts. I’ve insight enough to create fog. I’ve learned from our encounter with the Sentinel Lindwyrm.”
“You can replicate that heavy fog?” Ron asked.
Kelmithus held up his palm, producing an opaque puff of steam to prove his point. “Indeed so, Lieutenant. Adequately do these envirosuits shield us, that I might harness more extreme temperatures for more effective casting.”
Henry was impressed with how quickly the archmage grasped such a concept. “Good. Yen, get that drone into the cave. We’ll hold for updates.”
Yen nodded, carrying out Henry’s order silently. The drone’s feed directly streamed to their HUDs, and after a few minutes, Isaac looked up. “Done.”
Henry analyzed the data. They had visual confirmation of a dozen Nobians inside the facility itself and a staggering forty outside, both in the cave and around the cave entrance. It was an assumption, but there probably weren’t many cloaked soldiers past the hallway. He sighed; the worst-case scenario would have them facing a hundred men in total.
It was a challenge, but the drone’s intel granted them a critical tactical advantage. He analyzed his minimap, selecting and sharing a route with minimal enemy contact. “After clearing the facility’s entrance, we’ll proceed along the designated path. Upon exit, I’ll deploy a flare to signal our movement to the MRAPs for extraction. We will then rendezvous with Zulu-9 and coordinate with air support before re-engaging to secure the site.”
His team nodded, fully on board with the plan. He took a deep breath to steel himself before checking his watch – 16:24. “Alright, time to show ourselves.”
Letting his M7 sling over his chest, Henry prepared two flash grenades – one in each hand – before stepping out. With his team in tow, he moved to the center of the hallway, catching the attention of one of the Nobian patrols.
“Attention, Nobian forces! We request parley. I am Captain Donnager of Alpha Team, Tier 6 Adventurer. We are on an official quest sanctioned by the Adventurer’s Guild. We have no intention of hostilities and seek to discuss our presence and objectives to ensure mutual understanding.”
As Henry’s words echoed through the hallway, the Nobian soldiers snapped into action. He heard the sounds of bowstring being drawn taut and the rasp of metal as swords cleared their scabbards. His hands tightened around the flash grenades.
He kept his gaze steady, projecting a sense of calm; of confidence – enough to convince the Nobians that even outnumbered, he and his team were still no match for them. More soldiers joined the patrol, until all twelve of the previously identified Nobians were upon them. They kept their distance, but Henry could feel the tension boiling.
Just as the standoff seemed to reach a critical point, the air in front of them seemed to fold outward from itself, like watching the effects of gravitational lensing on light. A figure coalesced from the distortion – so this is what invisibility magic looked like.
The man was broad-shouldered and tall, seeing eye-to-eye with him, even despite the extra inches in height the envirosuit gave. As the last wisps of the cloaking magic faded away, Henry found himself staring into a pair of piercing gray eyes that seemed to bore into his very soul.
The newcomer had an angular face and was clad in black armor with a different sheen than the black armor of his comrades. Silver trimmings and an insignia emblazoned on his chestplate – a dagger through a swirl of mist – differentiated his status. A cloak of the same dark hue billowed behind him as he walked forward and drew his sword.
Keeping his sword to the side, he stopped a respectable ten meters away from Henry. “I am Carvus Alnect Virelius, Umber Vicearch of the Order of the Shadow.” He then pointed his sword at Henry, declaring, “Of desecrating sovereign Nobian territory, you stand accused.”
As Carvus spoke, more soldiers materialized alongside him, shimmering into existence as they dropped their cloaking spells. Henry had expected this to happen, but seeing it play out still sent a chill down his spine. How many more were still lying in wait?
The Vicearch kept his weapon on Henry, eyes narrowing. “Commander unto commander, I offer a choice: cede your Holding Bags, that secure passage may be granted unto you. Refuse, and you shall be declared as spies and enemies of the Nobian Empire, your lives forfeit to swift execution.”
READ 2 WEEKS AHEAD: Season Finale Chapter 17 is now available for Tier 2 Manifest Fantasy Patrons and higher!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/drdoritosmd
Discord: https://discord.gg/wr2xexGJaD
Next

Author’s Note:
If you enjoy the story so far, please consider upvoting and commenting! These go a long way in helping the story reach a larger audience. (Also, reddit removes all my formatting for some reason so if you want a fully formatted read, check out my story on RoyalRoad)
READ 2 WEEKS AHEAD: Season Finale Chapter 17 is now available for Tier 2 Manifest Fantasy Patrons and higher!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/drdoritosmd
Discord: https://discord.gg/wr2xexGJaD
First
Three, two, one... execute.
Ron peeked around the corner, his M4E1 Carl Gustaf already loaded with standard HEAT rounds. The rest of Alpha Team stacked up behind him or behind Ryan, who was on the other side of the doorway. Through the opening, they could see a nightmarish tangle of webs and egg sacs, with the skittering shapes of Spiranids lurking in the shadows in the far corners of the room.
The Queen was positioned in the center of the room, completely exposed by a cluster of eggs. Henry watched as Ron leveled his Gustaf, taking aim at the Queen while they stayed along the wall to ensure Ron’s backblast was clear. It should have been an easy kill, but a flicker of movement caught Henry’s eye.
A blob of white flew across his vision, smacking into Ron just as he fired his weapon. The thick strands of webbing bypassed Kelmithus’ shielding and wrapped around him, sending him flying back a couple of meters. He landed on his back, his body and launcher completely stuck to the floor by the condensed silk.
Around the same time, the Gustaf’s projectile struck the Queen’s abdomen section. The resulting blast tore through its exoskeleton but was far from a fatal blow. The Queen shrieked, a sound far deeper than Henry expected.
“Fuck!” Ron shouted, struggling to break free from the webbing.
Henry exhaled. They were a man down, but helping him had to wait; the not-dead Queen and its minions took precedence. It would be great if he had another launcher in his own Holding Bag, but that was something he’d have to bring up to Chief Cole later. Henry tossed his grenades into the room, the pops mingling with the screeches of injured Spiranids. Ryan struck simultaneously, throwing his own collection into the mix. Like firecrackers, the explosives were violent but short-lived.
As the chaos subsided, Henry pushed in. Raising his shotgun, he tore through a Spiranid that pounced at him, its carcass smoldering from the white phosphorous. Beside him, Isaac, Ryan, and Dr. Anderson’s shots rang out, tearing through their own sectors of fire.
Almost immediately upon their entry, the Queen surged forward with terrifying speed. It reared its head back like it was about to vomit, mandibles covered in a sick, yellowish color. Henry recognized immediately what it was trying to do. “Acid, move!”
Henry dove away from his previous position, taking a shot at another Spiranid that had taken the opportunity to jump at him while its master was preparing to attack. He narrowly escaped the lethal spray as it jetted toward him. The acid splattered on the ground where they had stood not even a second before, sizzling fiercely as it corroded the thick webbing sprawled across the floor. He noticed as he ran that, rather curiously, the acid was simply puddling on the floor. There was no damage to the floor itself, but if it could tear apart high-quality monster silk just like that, he didn’t want to find out what it could do to an envirosuit.
Henry glanced back after blasting apart his third Spiranid. His teammates were fine – Ryan helping him keep the Queen’s attention, Sera already on her way to Ron, and the others taking care of the smaller Spiranids. He tried to get a quick headcount of how many Spiranids they’d already eliminated. Between their guns, Kelmithus’ magic, and the grenades, he estimated they had killed at least a dozen so far. Solid progress, but the fact that they weren’t able to take out the Queen with their first strike was an issue.
Henry rolled to his left as the Queen pounced on his previous position. It was fucking fast, like a Goliath birdeater but scaled up – and with nasty abilities that really shouldn’t belong on a creature like this. He recovered quickly and took aim, firing point-blank into its thorax. The white phosphorous pellets hissed as they burned into its exoskeleton, forcing it back.
Beside him, Ryan’s shotgun boomed. He struck the Queen’s legs, which seemed to be more fragile than the thick exoskeleton surrounding the head and thorax. The pellets bit into the chitin, likely striking a nerve as evidenced by the leg’s subsequent buckling and collapse. It was a lucky shot – one that he doubted they could repeat four or five more times.
“Sera, use my knife! Here, right here!” Ron called out.
Sera’s sword must’ve been too large to effectively cut through the webbing. They had to hurry up. He and Ryan had been dodging the Queen’s attacks, but mostly by a hair’s breadth. All it took was one lucky hit from the Queen to put them out of commission, possibly for good. “Sera, status on Ron?”
“One minute!” she responded.
Damn. That was one minute later than he’d hoped. Reacting instinctively, Henry noted the Queen raising one of its legs – a sure sign of it preparing for another attack. The Queen struck again, this time cleaving the air with the leg, aiming to corral him into a predictable escape route. As its leg swept through the air, Henry caught sight of the Queen rearing its head back in a grotesque mimicry of a snake about to strike – another acid attack.
Anticipating the monster’s strategy, Henry feinted to the right, a move he hoped would mislead it about his true intentions. As the Queen’s head followed his feint, Henry twisted sharply, scraping against the rough ground. With a powerful push from his legs, he launched backward just as the Queen unleashed its attack.
Acid spewed forth in a wide arc, splattering where he had just been. The corrosive globs almost instantly melted the webbing on the floor, collecting into pools. And there was the second issue. The longer this fight dragged on, the less room they’d have to maneuver.
Henry unloaded into the creature’s compound eyes before tossing a flashbang near its legs. The creature staggered backward, blinded in both its eyes and its sensory hairs. Henry used the precious few seconds he bought to reload his weapon and check up on his team. “Yen, sitrep?”
“Stragglers neutralized; we’re moving to you now.”
Automatic gunfire erupted as Isaac and Dr. Anderson joined the fight against the Queen, dumping their mags on the creature’s head. The 6.8mm seemed to penetrate well, but he could say the same if they fought an elephant; the Spiranid Queen was simply too large for the relatively small caliber rounds to have any effect besides pissing it off.
The Queen lunged again, its legs surrounding him from all sides. There was only one way out, and it was through the belly of the beast. Henry rushed forward, ducking under the Queen’s mandibles as he slid underneath its abdomen. He fired his shotgun as quickly as he could, unloading pellets into the beast’s underbelly. The white phosphorous scorched the softer flesh, drawing a shriek of pain from the massive creature.
As the Queen writhed under the relentless assault, Ryan and the others seized the moment to reload their weapons and reposition. They poured everything they had into the creature’s cephalothorax, bluish ichor oozing from the hundreds of new wounds that they opened up. Yet, it was like chipping away at a mountain – it simply wasn’t enough. The creature thrashed around violently in response; Henry knew it was only a matter of time before it landed a hit on someone.
And land a hit it did. With a terrifying swiftness, one of its massive legs slammed into Henry’s chest, launching him backward. The shield Kelmithus cast on him flickered as it absorbed the brunt of the impact. He crashed into an egg sac by the entrance – its membrane ruptured on impact, drenching him in a sticky, corrosive slime. The sac provided little cushion, and he hit the ground hard, the breath knocked out of him.
Pain flared across Henry’s chest where the Queen’s leg had struck him. Gasping for breath and battling the encroaching blackness in his vision, he instinctively checked his envirosuit. He started with the areas he could see, glancing down at his chest. It was visibly deformed, dented but not quite a gash.
Still intact, thank goodness. No breach, but another hit like that would be disastrous. He breathed a sigh of relief, his chest hurting like hell as he did so. He checked his sides and back. Parts of his suit were covered in slime from the egg sac. It didn’t seem as corrosive as the Queen’s acid, but it was still a hazard. Quickly, he swiped at it, removing as much as possible with his gloved hands to prevent further damage.
He forced himself up, grabbing his shotgun from the floor. The Queen was already barreling toward him, the damn monster not letting up. He didn’t have time to make a run for it; he needed to jump to one side or the other, and the timing needed to be perfect. Just as the Queen’s shadow engulfed him, the air turned icy cold, frost creeping up on his visor.
Ice formed from thin air, spearing up from the ground and piercing through the Queen’s legs. The spikes rooted the beast in place. Not one to waste an opportunity, Henry dashed away from the entrance, firing at the immobilized giant spider as he linked up with the others.
“Sera?” Henry asked again.
Sera’s voice came in strained. “Almost…” Then, with a triumphant shout, she announced the word Henry had been desperate to hear. “Done!”
“Owens!” Henry said, risking a glance back.
Ron had already grabbed his Gustaf and was in the process of loading another HEAT round. “On it!”
Henry grinned. It was a relief, to be sure. With Ron free and back in the fight, the odds had just tipped heavily in their favor. The Queen was tough, but it wasn’t invincible; they just needed an opening.
Given the damage the Queen sustained to its body, Henry couldn’t imagine it being in peak fighting condition. Even in its weakened state, though, it still had the capability to dodge Ron’s attack, and it seemed to be saving its web ability for that very inevitability.
“Take out the legs!” Henry ordered.
They combined their fire on the left legs, since Ryan managed to break one of them earlier. He heard a crack that might’ve been the chitin giving way or the leg snapping, but it was hard to tell. He was just about to chalk it up to the prevailing gunfire around them, but then he saw it: a brief stumble. The Queen recovered quickly, but it was clear to Henry that it wouldn’t be able to manage any more damage to its legs.
Then, he noticed a blur in his peripheral vision to his right, moving so fast his eyes could barely keep up. Shit, he was certain he kept track of the Queen’s movements. With the existing damage to his envirosuit, he’d be completely fucked. He braced himself for another impact, but it never came.
As he focused harder on the blur, he caught a glimpse of a flash of light that could only be one thing – Sera’s sword, And, just like a flash of lightning, she had already cleared the vicinity of the Queen. The Queen’s foreleg seemed to simply vanish, severed so cleanly that it took a moment for the beast to realize what had happened. When it did, it let out a screech of pain, its balance faltering as it tried to adapt to the sudden change.
While Henry focused on taking out another leg from the left side, Sera had already shifted to her next target. Their assault was brutal: white phosphorus pellets and hard-hitting 6.8mm on one side, ice magic and skilled swordsmanship on the other. And to think, they managed to inflict all this damage by the time Ron completed his reload.
“Clear the way!” Ron called out, his Gustaf aimed right at the Queen’s head.
Henry jumped back, watching as Kelmithus conjured another set of ice spikes to root the beast again, in case the five obliterated legs weren’t enough to keep it down. The Queen thrashed against the icy bonds, its remaining legs slashing through the air in a frenzied bid for freedom. It spat acid – a tactic that would’ve worked effectively on most other materials, but instead simply got diluted with the melting ice. Even as the acid reacted with the ice, the spikes held firm, anchoring the beast in place like steel cables.
Henry’s heart pounded in his ears. Come on, Owens, he urged silently. Take the shot.
As if on cue, Ron pulled the trigger. The Gustaf bucked in his hands as the HEAT round streaked towards its target. Henry barely had time to brace himself before the explosion hit, the shockwave slamming into him and nearly toppling him over. He staggered back, gazing into the settling dust.
When the smoke cleared, the Queen’s head was obliterated – replaced by a gory mess of shattered chitin and pulverized flesh. Blood sprayed from the gaping hole, covering the ground in a pale blue hue. The creature’s body convulsed, its remaining legs scrabbling weakly at their surroundings.
A surge of triumph washed over Henry, but it was fleeting. From the corner of his eye, he locked on to a glimpse of movement. One of the Queen’s legs continued to spasmodically jerk around and spray the ground with blue ichor. He raised his shotgun in a nonchalant motion and blasted the errant limb, watching as it shuddered and went still.
Sera stepped up, her sword barely catching the light as she jammed it into what was left of the Queen’s thorax. A sharp twist, and it was over. She then yanked the blade from the carcass, her grip shifting subtly along the hilt. As she flicked the sword, frost swiftly coated the ichor clinging to the metal. The frozen debris was flung off, hitting the ground and shattering like glass.
He glanced down at his Holding Bag. Damn, the fight took out most of his shells. Swapping out his shotgun for his M7, he turned to his team and took stock of their condition. It seemed everyone had mostly gone unscathed, only debris and dirt scarring their envirosuits. Well, except for himself and Ron. “Think we’re gonna have to start calling you pinata now,” Henry said, clapping his friend on the shoulder.
Ron scoffed. “Yeah? Says the runner-up,” he said, tapping the dent on Henry’s envirosuit. “Better ‘pinata’ than ‘roadkill’, though. But seriously, what’s next? Don’t even know where to start.”
The room was empty, save for the debris strewn about and the singular obelisk standing in the center of the room. He didn’t notice it earlier, but as he got closer, he realized that the obelisk emitted a faint light that barely escaped the canopy of webs. He looked it up and down before turning to the others. “Only one place to start. Let’s clear out the webs, see what’s hiding below.”
“Doc, Kel, clear out the eggs. Hayes, Sera, see if the Queen’s got anything useful. Everyone else focus on the webs,” Henry ordered.
Ron drew his knife and started slicing through the dense cobwebs. “Hey, what y’all think the Queen’s Tier is?”
Isaac paused to consider. “Eh, Tier 8, probably. Minotaur boss and Rillifane boss were both Tier 8, so I’d say the spider’s around the same level.”
“Well, the resilience of the specimen isn’t a definitive measure of the Tier,” Dr. Anderson pointed out. “It’s quite possible that we merely had the most suitable tools at hand in this particular encounter.”
“The scholar speaks truly,” Sera agreed. “There is nary a defining criterion; defense is but one of many that are considered by the Guild. Were it so simple, Kelmithus and I would have attained Tier 9 ere now.”
“So, what do you think the Queen is, then? Tier 7 maybe?” Ron asked.
Henry shook his head. Tier 7 didn’t seem accurate. Using his knife to scrape some of the webbing off his glove, he voiced, “Spiranids are weak in general, but are classified as Tier 5 or higher because of their traps, ambush tactics, numbers, and abilities. Archers can use Wind Snipe and mages can use wide-area spellcasting, but they can’t reliably penetrate the exoskeleton’s armor. If anything, this is probably on the lower end of Tier 9.”
“Tier 9, huh?” Isaac muttered.
Sera smiled as she stood back. She stuffed a frost-covered gland into her holding bag and paused from her work as she chimed in, “Hmm… how keen. I expected nothing less from the first Tier 6 entrants in Eldralore’s history! It shows plain why the Guild did so swiftly raise you.”
“Hah,” Henry chuckled. It was an amusing thought, but… “Say, ya think we can get to Tier 7 after this?”
Sera’s eyebrows shot up. “Tier 7? A mark of no slight merit. What have you achieved since attaining Tier 6?”
Henry reached to scratch his chin, then cursed softly as his glove thudded against his visor. “Well, we took down a Rillifane pack, a Sentinel Lindwyrm, and now this primal Spiranid Queen. That’s not too shabby, eh?”
“Firm victories,” Sera admitted, “but advancement weighs more than battle alone. The Guild also considers quest difficulty, knowledge gained therefrom, and impact – in other words, glory.”
“The Baranthurian Ruins,” Dr. Anderson blurted, taking the words out of Henry’s mouth. He turned to Kelmithus, who approached them after confirming that the eggs had been cleared out. “Surely, working with the Sanctum Arcanum must be quite the honour. The Guild holds their quests with high esteem, wouldn’t you say?”
Kelmithus nodded, burning a clump of disposed webs on the ground. “True as that may be, advancement oft hinges upon the cumulative experience of dozens of quests.”
“Well, ain’t no small feats for us lately,” Ryan remarked. “The quest to the Baranthurian ruins, what was it, Tier 8? Yeah, that was Tier 8. Sentinel Lindwyrm? Hell, Tier Nine. That there beast?” Ryan pointed his gun at the carcass of the Spiranid Queen. “Tier 9 as well.”
Ron interjected, “Plus we’ve been helping out along the way, like those villagers, and taking on quests others won’t touch. Honestly, the Hardale quest should be pretty weighty too, considering the Nobian shenanigans.”
Sera hummed, mulling over Alpha Team’s experiences. The fact that most of their quests at Tier 6 had essentially been Tier 7 quests or higher in difficulty was probably unheard of in the Guild. Not only that, but they’d been able to complete these difficult quests successfully. Hell, with flying colors, even. That had to count for something.
Henry looked over at Sera, stepping back as he allowed Kelmithus to dispose of the webs that he had cleared out. “So, whaddya think? Based on what we’ve done, you think we got a shot at Tier 7?”
Sera looked up at the ceiling as she weighed her response. “Ehh, you’ve a strong case. Alas, it’s Taldren’s call to make. His favor seems yours, though; I wager he’ll agree.”
Henry grinned. Moving up meant they could have access to more quests. Naturally, that also meant better rewards and in turn, access to some truly magical equipment. “Good to hear. Guess we’ll see to it once we get back to Eldralore. Now, we should probably –”
A soft glow of light gradually lit up the room, interrupting Henry mid-sentence. He squinted, readying his weapon. The light came from the walls and ceiling, illuminating the once-dark chamber. The obelisk, now free of webs, now hummed… healthily? It wasn’t like he had a manual to tell him if this was a good or bad development, but judging from the facility’s reaction, it must’ve worked.
Henry glanced at his HUD. The temperature readings were rising, too. The icy chill from Kelmithus’ magic rapidly dissipated as the environmental controls kicked in. “Well, looks like we’ve done all we can here. Let’s head back to the containment cell room and see if we can find anything else of interest.”
– – –
Outskirts of GB-2, Grenden Forest
Carvus Alnect Virelius narrowed his gaze toward the brightening sky, his eyes cutting through the retreating mist that had long veiled the forest’s canopy. This unprecedented clarity above the ruins was strange. After centuries cloaked in an impenetrable fog, why did the skies clear now?
The Umber Vicearch’s mind worked like a whetstone, sharpening the fragments of reports from his scouts, cryptic as they were. The recent skirmish, occurring concurrently with the lifting fog, could not be mere happenstance. Regardless of the answer, the unexpected fold presented a welcome complexity to test his mettle.
He set his thoughts aside as the sound of footsteps approached.
“Leuarch Eldreyn reporting, milord,” one of his men said. “We’ve word from Serarch Trelian.”
Carvus gave him a nod to continue.
Eldreyn relayed the news. “The scouts espy traces of battle: a fallen Sentinel Lindwyrm and two carriages left abandoned near the cave’s entrance. The land bears scars from some form of magic, strewn with strange metal tubes and other objects unknown to us. Save for the Lindwyrm, no other bodies are to be found. What are your commands, milord?”
Carvus took a deep breath. No other bodies? Two carriages? That such a formidable creature was felled with no apparent casualties among their ranks suggested a small but extraordinarily capable force. Each member was no doubt Tier 7 at the least. The limited number of carriages implied a party not larger than ten. But… what could the metal objects mean?
Powerful though they might be, could such a small group withstand his numbers? Carvus entertained the thought briefly. No, direct confrontation would be unwise. The site bore secrets too vital to squander on rash gambles. Better to maneuver them into a position where the only viable option would be to comply with his demands.
“Hold our position, Lornus,” Carvus commanded. While he preferred the safety of their hidden vantage in the forest, the intrigue of Trelian’s findings – the slain Lindwyrm – was too compelling to ignore. “The contents of Trelian’s report compel our own investigation. Lead us, that we might see for ourselves.”
“As you command, milord.”
It was a short walk to the clearing. As they reached the treeline, Carvus held up a hand, signaling his men to halt – they should go no further than the cover of the forest. The aftermath of the battle lay evident before them. The massive form of the Sentinel Lindwyrm sprawled near the far side of the clearing, its outline murky at a distance.
Carvus squinted, adjusting his position slightly for a better view. He felt his jaw drop, a lapse in composure that surprised even him. Yet, who could fault him? The beast lay nearly torn asunder, its massive body riddled with gaping, jagged wounds that no sword or arrow could inflict. Indeed, not even traditional siege weapons or combat spells could inflict such damage.
The destructive capability of fyric powder was well-known to him – he had seen its use in adamantite mines. The wounds on the Lindwyrm, however, spoke of a force of another Tier entirely. Where fyric powder might clear a path through a stubborn boulder, the agent used against the Sentinel Lindwyrm seemed capable of obliterating several boulders at once, perhaps even an entire cliffside.
Turning his attention from the ravaged beast, he scanned the battlefield. Among the chaos, his eyes caught the glint of metal – strange tubes scattered about, all some lighter shade of bronze. The craters were blackened and littered with debris: shards of metal mixed with wires. This was clearly no ordinary skirmish.
He moved closer to the tree line, cautiously examining the unfamiliar objects. The metal tubes bore no resemblance to any weapons known to Nobian forces. However, their presence here implied that somehow, these objects were related to the catastrophic wounds on the Lindwyrm.
Near the cave’s entrance, two metal carriages lay abandoned. Their exteriors were marred by dirt and marked with an array of dents that appeared to be from the Lindwyrm’s armored tail. The carriages, in style and make, aligned with reports of American machines observed by their Umbercari in distant Eldralore. Mounted atop each was a long cylinder. As foreign as they were, he could tell they were weapons – ones capable of unleashing formidable destruction.
Adventurers throughout the ages had ventured here, all repelled by the formidable Lindwyrm that long guarded these grounds. Had it been folly to devote their resources to the conquest of their neighbors, rather than to mastering and exploiting this site? Such questions surpassed his station, yet irrespective of the answers, the Emperor would surely take no pleasure in learning that he had allowed Americans to plunder the Gatebuilder’s secrets.
Carvus turned to Lornus. “Bid our scouts to investigate the cave.” As Leuarch Eldreyn departed to carry out the orders, he beckoned to one of his serarchs. “Bring me one of those metal tubes. I wish to examine it.”
He sat on a rock, watching the light bend around the man’s form until he vanished from sight. The serarch then adjusted the temperature around his body, matching it to that of the forest. Were it not for the subtle shifts in the man’s mana as he held the spells, Carvus would have surely lost track of him.
The serarch made his way forth, passing through the trees and into the clearing beyond. With haste, he seized upon one of the tubes that lay scattered about, and then, as quick as he had come, he turned and made his way back to the forest’s edge. When at last he returned, Carvus stood up and held out his hand.
The tube, lighter than its solidity might have portended, was chill to the touch and was marked by a patina that showed clear signs of bending. He tried to bend it with his fingers, but the metal resisted. Even when he used magic to strengthen himself, it yielded naught but scant impression. What could have possibly moved the metal?
Looking closely, he noticed that the metal wasn’t bronze, as he had first thought. Though bearing a hue akin to bronze, it was of a kind unfamiliar to him. The surface was engraved with American script – characters and sequences that held little meaning to him. Yet, to deem the letters ‘engraved’ would be to err; it was as if they were imprinted with a craftsmanship nary a smith could rival.
He turned it over in his hands, his eyes drawn to a circular groove near the base. Examining both ends, Carvus noted the open end was distorted as if a great force had expelled something from within – an insight into his previous question. The other end was sealed, marked by a small, precise indentation. He held it up, aligning it with a similarly sized hole in a nearby tree.
This was no common weapon. As a trebuchet releases its load, so too must this tube have hurled its own projectile. It gave him an idea. What if one were to use an adamantite tube with fyric powder, place a keen arrowhead atop, and ignite the mixture below? Would it rival a standard Wind Snipe combined with physical enhancement magic?
Carvus’ thoughts were interrupted by someone calling out to him. “Milord.”
“Hm?” He looked up, finding the face of Leuarch Franus. “What is it, Martano?”
He hesitated, as if second-guessing his words. “The… The Lindwyrm… The men grow restless, milord. They wish to claim the spoils of this battle – the Sentinel Lindwyrm’s materials are prized in many a lore. And these carriages, would it not profit us to salvage what we can? They may hold more secrets – or riches.”
He turned the leuarch’s words over in his mind as he would a well-worn coin. In truth, the idea held merit. Even the smallest measure of a Lindwyrm’s blood was a treasure beyond compare – to say nothing of the other materials, sought after by alchemists and smiths alike. That the Americans had forgone harvest was a curious thing indeed. Could it be that they were ignorant of the creature’s true worth? Or perhaps, had they found something more valuable?
And then there were the carriages, gleaming in the sun like ripe fruit waiting to be plucked. If they could but glean some understanding of how the Americans had so deftly slain a beast of the Lindwyrm’s standing, it would surely prove a boon to the Empire’s own martial pursuits. Perhaps, armed with such knowledge, they might at last gain the upper hand against the accursed Sonarans.
Carvus cast his gaze once more upon the clearing, then turned to face Martano. “Aye,” he said. “Let it be so.”
Yet, as he made to step forth, a low, droning sound beckoned his attention – a buzzing hum that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once. The unfamiliar noise compelled him to halt. He raised his hand, stopping his men as he searched for the noise. He tilted his head skyward, squinting as he beheld a strange sight: a winged thing hanging in the air above the clearing, like an animal circling its prey. As the sunlight reflected off its surface, it became evident to him that this was no creature of flesh, but a machine – much like the metal carriages.
“Hold,” Carvus ordered. “We dare not venture forth.”
Martano stepped forward, doubt and confusion etched across his face. “But, milord, if we shroud ourselves in invisibility, surely they cannot see us.”
Carvus shook his head. “Nay; recall the umbercari we sent to infiltrate the Duke’s mansion. They, too, thought themselves hidden, yet were somehow discovered. We know not what sorcery that flying machine might possess, and we cannot risk exposing ourselves.”
Before Martano could respond or venture any further protest, the scouts returned, led by Serarch Trelian. The search bowed his head before providing his report, “Milord, the cave lies empty, and the Lindwyrm’s nest remains untouched. We discovered footprints leading to a great sealed door, which we believe to be the entrance to the ruins.”
Carvus nodded. The Americans had ventured forth and left the loot behind for a reason. He thought back to a fortress that the Empire once sacrificed to encircle the forces of the now-conquered Kingdom of Durenelle. “So be it. Let us abandon these lesser spoils. As our adversaries have forgone these spoils in pursuit of greater gains, so must we sacrifice Straltus.”
Next

I have found reports about Rock Apes from Vietnam. While firstly I believed them to be Erectine hominids, after reading some more about them I think they may be pre Homo hominids or even relict bipedal Miocene apes. But together with the reports about Rock Apes I found something even more surprising, no less than reports of TAILED "wildmen". Here it is what I have found...
About Rock Apes :
US troops reported large primates living in the mountainous jungles of the Vietnam Central Highlands. The creatures were described as six-feet tall with brown or reddish-brown hair like an orangutan. They were also described as bipedal. There are no known orangutans in Vietnam. (Even though they did live there in the past)
Shortly after US troops entered the Central Highlands in the 1960s, stories of ape-like creatures began to emerge. This was the first time in history that large numbers of humans had entered into this area.
In 1966 the 3rd Marines erected a base near Da Nang city on the jungle-covered Dong Den Mountain. These Marines reported attacks by unidentified animals that threw rocks into the compound, injuring some of the Marines. The Marines named them “Rock Apes,” and Dong Den became known as “Monkey Mountain.”
In 1968 Company M 3rd Battalion 5th Marines reported rocks thrown at them at Monkey Mountain.
In 1969 a patrol from Company D 1st Battalion 502nd Infantry Regiment encountered eight Rock Apes on Moulton Ridge that came walking along the trail. Mistaking their brown fur for Vietnamese army uniforms, they opened fire. One male charged the US soldiers while the other seven retreated, which is similar behavior to silverback gorillas.
Dr. Felton’s video reports there are hundreds of stories about encounters with Rock Apes in Vietnam. Some of these are likely cases of mistaken identity since Vietnam has several indigenous monkey species. However, the American soldier’s description of the Rock Apes were consistent as being five to six feet tall, bipedal, powerful, and covered in brown or reddish-brown hair.
North Vietnamese soldiers also reported a similar creature. Both the physical description and the behavior match what American soldiers reported.
In 1970, the North Vietnamese found evidence of the creature's existence when the Hanoi Pedagogical University found unidentified footprints.
Also in 1970, British Zoologist Dr. John McKinnon discovered tracks in a nature preserve that led him to believe that an unidentified hominid lives there.
In 1974 a North Vietnamese General ordered an expedition to find evidence of the creatures. A professor of Vietnam’s National University found prints that were wider than a human’s but larger than those of an ape.
In 1982 another professor of Hanoi Pedagogical University found more unidentified prints that were similar to those seen by Dr. John McKinnon.
About tailed monkeymen :
In 1820, a French ship captain named El Rey reported a story told to him by a Jesuit missionary. He had claimed to have encountered a race of men with tails. The hill tribes called them wild men.
In 1830 Father François-Isidore Gagelin recorded similar stories about the highlands of Cambodia.
In 1895 anthropologist Paul D’Enjoy published an article in which he claimed to have discovered a population of wild men with tails in Vietnam’s Central Highlands. He even claimed to have captured a sample. His article was ridiculed all over the world.
In 1912 explorer Henri Maitre published a book in which he recounted that the natives of the Central Highlands “shelter a peculiar and legendary beast” which he referred to as “the Wildman” and described as having a “tail like a monkey.” Maitre described the creature as less than five-feet tall with thick red hair.
Maitre’s description was identical to several different peoples in different parts of Vietnam.
More reports of the creatures occurred in the 1920s.
In 1947 a French officer with a contingent of indigenous troops encountered a creature he said was neither human nor monkey. The indigenous sergeant told the officer the creature was well known to them, saying that they never hunted or ate the creatures. The officer recorded that the indigenous men were filled with joy as a result of the encounter.
The Rock Apes may be relict Orangutans or a local Bigfoot relative, either way they are cryptic, but if they are mere Orangutans, how much bipedal can some more ground dwelling Orangutan cultures be ?
And what about the tailed "wildmen" ? I know it is literally unbelievable, but is not the first time, I found one was killed in Malaysia. Are they apes (whatever humans or other great apes) with a birth defect, or a giant, bipedal Cercopithecoidae creature ?

I'm scared that I'm completely losing myself or being emotionally manipulated in my relationship. (1 yr together, known each other for 10). My partner (29 M) supports me in my self care & work & hobbies & loves to boost me up, but he also frequently tells me things I've done wrong. I'd always rather he be honest about his feelings, but i feel like it's very frequent. Something comes up at least twice a month where he says he doesn't feel listened to or valued or "like a partner" in our relationship and things blow up. This has happened for 3 months now. Before this i dated someone for 4 years who was very reserved, so I got used to feeling very needy - therefore, I have a lot of empathy for needing love and affection and I try to make his needs met. I have tried really hard to fix previous tangible concerns like letting him know when I'll be away from my phone for a while or making changes to not be late to things. We have had some really good strides where I've been able to tell him my needs more or own up to my small failings. But the last 72 hours have been a nightmare even with my growth and progress. I'm sorry this post is lengthy but I'll try my best to explain the current situation:
Sunday my bf slept through his brother coming to visit on accident. He woke up and texted me and said he was spiraling a bit about feeling bad about it and would be okay but just needed a "5" to show him I was there. (this is supposed to be a call back to us saying I love you 5 ever in the past)
I didn't see his text for 30 minutes and then told him l was soo sorry I didn't see this sooner and that I was really sorry he slept through his alarm and missed that, but his body must have needed rest. He said it's okay, it's just my brother.
We spoke for 40 minutes about mothers day and other stuff and then he said "hey you never sent a 5" and I said "oh shoot, 5". It then was shared that it really upset him that I hadn't read and replied to that part of his text. It made him feel not listened to, he said, that I chose to reply how I wanted instead of doing what he asked for. I apologized and also said sorry I didn't say a 5 sooner and that I wish I had seen his text and sent a 5 right away. He got upset that I was apologizing for not texting him right away. He said apologizing for the thing he's not even upset about (not replying for 30 minutes) takes away his agency and takes away from him feeling heard.
He then explained it wasn't fully about the 5 - it was that it hurt that I didn't ask more about his feelings and just changed the topic after he said "it's okay". I think sometimes I forget people say "it's okay" to try to be strong when really they want to talk about their feelings. He emphasized he wished I had asked about his feelings and I said I definitely should have and need to be better about asking more follow up if he opens up and says he's spiraling.
I apologized a ton Sunday night and called him and cried to him on the phone about how much I cared and how much I didn't want to hurt him. He told me it was going to be okay and he even told me he felt loved and cared about. He showed appreciation when I took accountability and I said things like "I totally see how it made you feel not heard that I didnt do a small thing you asked for" and "I really should have followed up by asking more about your feelings or why you were spiraling".
Monday he got upset again once he woke up and said I was defensive yesterday and it hurt and that I talk at him and not with him (I did get defensive a bit by saying things like "I didn't know you weren't still okay and I took it at face value when you said you were okay" or saying "I told you I know I messed up and I shouldn't have ignored you opening up to me" when he brought up again how hurt he felt. But sometimes he repeated how hurt he was and how he wished I would hold myself accountable. So I would at times get defensive by saying "well I tried telling you that I'm sorry I ____"
I didn't know what to keep saying besides sorry and that I messed up. I tried keeping my answers brief after he said i was making things about myself (being emotional in my guilt) because i didnt want to risk monopolizing the conversation. Then he told me I really hurt him because he shared 2 paragraphs about how hurt he was and I gave a 10 word answer. I apologized multiple times for my 10 word answer. I said I only kept it short to keep the focus on him. He said it felt like I wasn't even trying. I tried asking what else he needs or what I could do to help and he told me I'm just Asking "out of self preservation". Then when I said I wish I knew what I could do to help he said "did you ask". Three different times when I said I wish I could make him feel better or things like I am trying to give thoughtful answers he would say "did you ask" and then I would say "ask what?" And get frustrated when he didn't give me a straight answer. When I got upset for not getting an answer to my question, he said I was making it about me again.
At some point he asked for examples of me asking accountability. I sent screenshots of when I said I messed up and hurt him and I should've done differently and he got upset and said "those are from yesterday and don't impact how I feel today". I tried taking accountability again today in multiple sentences. He seemed grateful that I did and was glad to hear me list the things I messed up and take the blame for. But then when I brought up something i was hoping we could still do (a surprise party for him) he got really upset and said I was only thinking about what I wanted (to see him and get him to the surpise) instead of what he wanted (to not go out). This led to him skipping his own surprise party yesterday. It was so embarrassing because I didn't know how to explain why he wouldn't come with me (I was supposed to be the one to bring him to the surprise) and his friend ended up making up that he got too wasted beforehand. Even since the party he has only said how his wishes feel ignored and he never wanted a surprise party (I guess a misfire but his friends really wanted to do the party so I went along). No apology for not even coming.
A chunk of yesterdays convo, word for word: M: "I felt so small when you gave me a 10 word response I felt like I didn't explain enough or wasn't good enough . And to not really have a response, it hurt me so bad."
F: "I'm sorry for hurting you so much and giving so small of a response. I'm really sorry for the things I did to make you feel small."
M: "thats not what I'm worried about or bothers me"
F: "What are you worried about or bothered by? You shared it Made you feel small when I sent a 10 word response, so I thought that was a part of the problem."
M: "Not really related and makes me feel worse about getting the love I need/want"
F: "i don't understand. You brought up how much hurt you and how low it made you feel, how is it not related?"
M: "Did you ask?"
F: "I'm asking now"
M: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you being hurt negated everything I've felt?"
F: "What? Where did I say I'm hurt?"
M: "You're asking a question so you could feel good or secure but I dont feel I'm afforded the same"
A seperate convo chunk later that day:
M: i spend so much energy and get so little in return. When I reach out and ask for help everything gets focused on how you felt. When do I matter?
F: I'm sorry. I hope you can get to feel like you matter now. I have been trying to do what you need and put very little focus on myself and I'll keep trying
M: If you can't try or listen to what I'm saying or asking for just leave me alone and make this whole situation easier. I'm exhausted and tired from giving you grace and somehow things always focus back on you.
_--- Then In several texts asked him if he explain how things kept coming back to me and he said the focus just keeps coming back to me.because I won't take accountability. He is embarrassed and doesn't feel good enough. Because I don't show him support when he needs it and don't show i care in the ways he wants or needs the way he supports me when I'm low.
F; I'm sorry and I wish I had afforded you the same. I'm trying to give thoughtful answers, sorry if they have to be short because I'm at work. Can you explain how you feel like the focus has been coming back to me in today's convo.
M: did you ask?
F: ask what? How did I make the focus on me?
M: dude we aren't doing this again
F: dude I asked for clarification becuase I don't get your question
M: It's not about you. I don't think you're ready or capable of loving me the way I want or need. I feel like I've given you grace and afforded you the space to make or acknowledge mistakes. I can't keep begging to be heard and feel like I'm overreacting or misunderstood. It's fine to ask for clarification, but when you do it hijacks the conversation and we never revist what I said.
F: because I don't get an answer so it's hard to revisit the topic when I'm still confused
M: I'm sorry , I didn't realize that me spiraling or being in a bad place was only continued because you didn't get a response. This isn't about you.
I want to get him to couples therapy because I care about him SO much and he has a really big heart and a good soul. But once he feels hurt, it's like he's stuck being the victim and can't see how horribly irrational our conversations are going. I am not perfect at conflict either - I get defensive if he keeps talking about being hurt, and I end up crying a lot to him about how bad I feel for hurting, and sometimes he has to help me calm me down from my intense crying over the problem I caused, which is draining for him. But I think at least in this case he is really stuck in a victim complex where he isnt doing any wrong and I'm not doing much right to him. I genuinely feel like therapy could really help, and that the couples therapy would support my individual therapy working on defensiveness and emotional control. I want to support him, but I'm nervous to just outright ask for it. What do I do? How could I ease into the topic?
TL;DR: Although I have tried to be very patient and take accountability there are a lot of things I do that hurt my boyfriend. I have worked on improve some concrete things but our most recent conflict (detailed above) has me feeling anxious and lost because I try taking accountability throughout but he is still upset no matter what I say. I don't think he knows how to handle conflict and I'm not perfect at it either but i am very willing to name everything I do wrong and try to change it. I want to suggest couples therapy so he can see we can both do better. Not sure how.

I’ll try and keep this short. About a little more than a year ago I (25F) broke up with who i thought I was the one. I was upset for the longest and didn’t want to seriously date for a long time. Time went on and I met this guy online who we’ll call V(25M).
He was a sweetheart and I started to really like him but he lives a hour away in another state and I’m the only one with a car. At first I didn’t mind but I have two jobs and I plan on moving in the summer so I’ve been picking up extra shifts. We don’t talk much and see each other even less. Now I’m rethinking that I want something official now because so much is happening right now for the both of us and I feel like I can’t give the attention to anyone really that they deserve. We didn’t text for a few days and he got upset that I didn’t answer when he eventually did text me. I didn’t know what to say to him.
I apologized for not responding and said I need some space I’m sorry I don’t think I’m in the right headspace or it’s the right time for a serious relationship. Since then he’s been spamming me non stop and posting me online (mind you he never posted me before) and saying things like he believed in me and I got him out of a rough spot in life.
TL;DR Now I feel horrible but I really feel like it’s not fair for both of us to continue like this. What should I do and how should I approach this?

Hi, I rarely see any success stories and thought I should come back and give you some hope.
I had an injury in December 2023 and took a LOOT of NSAIDs for a month. Right when I stopped taking them, the burning pain came. My stomach was on fire 24/7 no matter what I ate. Doctors in my country aren’t good at H pylori, so they gave me PPIs and let me alone. Lemme tell you I took omeprazole and pantoprazole for over 2 months and they did nothing. Only thing they gave me is SIBO - beware, that is even harder to get rid of.
The burning pain was crazy and I was losing hope. Amoxicilin and clarithromycin - nothing . Doxycycline and metronidazole - nothing. Mastic gum helped the most from any supplements I tried (allicin, cabbage juice, black seed oil and many more I don’t even remember) but once I stopped, the pain was 100% back.
I finally went to a clinic and got propper help and antibiotics - Pylera (mix of bismuth, metronidazole and tetracycline). If you’re from Germany, I highly recommend dr. Harald Plass in Nürnberg.
So I took those antibiotics for 2 weeks and guess what. Nothing. I was depressed and in pain. Very bloated - both from unknown SIBO and H pylori. But a week after finishing those meds, I once woke up and the pain was gone. It came only after eating and left shortly after. Over the next few days it completely went away and I finally got a negative breath result.
Now I’m H pylori free, suffering from SIBO tho. Don’t lose hope. It took 3 round of abx, supplements, and many PPIs (which I now regret and frankly - if they don’t help you either please stop taking them), I’m okay. I’ve been okay for over 4 months.
EDIT: I wanna note I had NO diet during the 3 months I had H Pylori. Not during abx, not after. Yes I ate through the pain - the burning didn’t stop no matter what I ate, so I saw no reason not to eat whatever. I even ate sweets. I also didn’t take any biofilm busters.

I was prescribed a 2mg/3ml pen of Ozempic from my Primary Care doctor for weight loss (39.9 BMI ).The only advice I got from my Dr. before I left the office was "if you have trouble with the injection watch a youtube video".
The pharmacy's label directions are "inject .25 mg ...one time per week ..." Since there are 6 needles and I've seen much (unofficial) advice that the normal progression ls .25mg for four weeks and then bump up to .50 mg. that's what I did. That emptied the pen and corresponded to the 6 needles that came with the kit.
If I strictly followed the Pharmacy label's instructions as .25 mg for the duration of the pen, then I would be short two needles and there would be .50 mg of the med left in the pen, She gave me 3 refills with the same Pharmacy label. I was surprised that the dosage would be the same which would mean going back to .25 mg. I asked the pharmacy if the normal progression is once you're using .50 mg, would you stay on .50. She agreed that it would be very unlikely to be instructed to go back down to .25 mg.
Called the Dr. and tried to relay this through the nurse. I was unable to get the Dr. on the phone. The message I got was a terse "take it exactly as prescribed" which doesn't make any sense. .25 mg for for 18 weeks is not in any progression of dosage I've seen anywhere. Also, I would be consistently be short 2 needles and leave .50 mg of an unfathomably priced med unused, and I'm finding med not as effective at this point.
I have an appointment 6/14, but I'm going to try and get in ASAP and to defend the logical to Dr. The only problem I have is although I've seen the recommended dosage for weight loss over and over again (.25 mg x 4 weeks and .50mg x 4 weeks) all over I haven't found that advice supplied by any source I can point out to the Dr.
Does anyone have a solid/vetted source for the progression of dosage for Ozempic for weight loss? I've only seen this dosage progression for diabetes on the Ozempic website and in scientific literature.
BTW, I've been successful with the .25 mg x 4 weeks and .50 so far. I've lost 11 pounds in 6 weeks and I lost compulsions and obsessiveness about food in the beginning. However, at week 8, I am developing a bigger appetite and have binged a couple of times.
Thanks for any replies!
TL/DR Need "official" source for Ozempic dosage progression for weight loss.

I just woke from my 2nd lucid dream ever. Both times I wasn't actively trying to LD, but the moments I realized I was dreaming we're similar:
I somehow ended up in my garage and I realized something was off because it was empty. Then after the LD realization I would open the garage to explore.
The first time, the door was normal and I ended up in my neighborhood (although it was empty and with a yellow haze).
This recent one, the door was like a smooth particle board and orange. And it led to a desert with a bright white Dr. Seuss-like town I could explore.
My question is:
Should I always try and think of my garage when recalling and focusing on intent?
I don't have expectations for what's on the other side of the door. But I'm wondering if it would be helpful to use the garage as a place to see myself becoming lucid.
Thanks! And excited to explore this sub!

I was on the phone with my best friend. Nothing spectacular so far. We are studying in two different countries, so we are used to have long and weird calls and we've had this drinking game for a while now - we have a drink when we see someone we would date, but the last few times have been - well, how can I put it - sobering?
Short disclaimer: You may think we're superficial, but I think most people can agree that looks determine whether you want to get to know the other person - character determines whether you get together and stay together.
Today I would have drunk - but more on that in a moment.
You see, I was out for a long walk with the dog today and on the way back I had to cross a large square. There was a large contingent of police there - and let me tell you, one was hotter than the other! Aaaand that's exactly what I wanted to tell my best friend.
So you might think I was on the phone with her and just didn't connect my headphones to my phone - which would have been embarrassing enough, but no, I called her first and then my mobile phone took off in my pocket and called 14 other people - most of them people I hadn't been in contact with for a long time, people I don't particularly like or - and here's the most embarrassing part of the story - colleagues and especially my boss!
I thank God that most of them didn't answer, but two did. Among others: my boss.
And now you'd think that when you join a group call, you'd answer a little confused, no, not these two. Instead, they let me talk and talk - and at some point, a gentle clearing of the throat alerts me to the embarrassment that's going on!
For a second my soul left my body and I was completely shocked. I wanted to scream. To cry. Turn back the time. I wanted to die…
I don't know how much he heard, but it must have been at least the middle part where I told my best friend how annoyed I am not to have asked two of the policemen for their number, that if I'd seen them during our drinking game, I would have drunk my whole glass at once immediately and how incredibly hot I thought they were...so hot that I told my best friend I would have liked to have gone up to the policemen and said "excuse me officer, but I stole the dog and I have drugs in my backpack".
And I'm not sure what I find more embarrassing now - that people are now all texting to me and asking what's going on or the fact that my boss now knows what type of man I like and I'm so desperate that I would pretend to be a criminal....
FML - I really want a hole to open up in the ground right now and swallow me up!
TL;DR: Today I accidentally made a group call - or rather my mobile phone took on a life of its own during a call with my best friend while I was telling my best friend about the incredibly attractive policemen I had just seen! One of the people called was my boss...

So to make it short and I'm absolutely bad at it. I'm undiagnosed but have many, autistic traits that I now realize in my thirties and honestly, to my own interpretation after multiple months of reading and research, I could fit the DSM V criterias.
However, currently, one thing that keeps on messing with my brain, especially with social issues and understanding social cues. Is I can tell in my past, especially child/teenage years I likely had issues of some sort but can't exactly remember clearly since it's been 15+years already and since I did not even knew I could be missing stuff I never stopped to look for it but I clearly knew something was off and everything would suggest that. I tried learning sociology, psychology and such, I could definitely go on and on.
However in my early twenties, tired of depression, not fitting in, being absurdly shy and almost always mute and socially inept I still went in nursing and after failing a few terms because all of my social issues, inabilities and such. At some point I just decided to act and try to fake being socially adequate and it worked and I kept on doing it and by now ten years later... It's almost natural. Also, currently, my job as a RN is in psychiatry been there for multiple years and I absolutely have to look at affect, body movement, social cues and such.
Honestly by now, I don't feel like I have many issues with that anymore. I can sometime suspect that I might have some small issues like when we have people diagnosed with narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder. I honestly have the hardest time figuring out when they're trying to manipulate me. But it could also be blamed on naivety or something else. I usually manage to get around these issues easily however because I have also learned over time to put clear limits and respect them.
I also happen to have figured systems to communicate, ask questions, I will actively put my hand on people shoulder and such at appropriate timing. It's incredible how unnatural and fake it all feels for me at times but it's also sort of natural by now. It clearly is masking but you know, at some point, I wonder if it's just me being socially awkward and bad with ADHD and a lot of overlapping ASD traits.
TL;DR how possible is it for someone on the spectrum to just get good/proficient socially through learning/exposure?

I'm scared that I'm completely losing myself or being emotionally manipulated in my relationship. (1 yr together, known each other for 10). My partner (29 M) supports me in my self care & work & hobbies & loves to boost me up, but he also frequently tells me things I've done wrong. I'd always rather he be honest about his feelings, but i feel like it's very frequent. Something comes up at least twice a month where he says he doesn't feel listened to or valued or "like a partner" in our relationship and things blow up. This has happened for 3 months now. Before this i dated someone for 4 years who was very reserved, so I got used to feeling very needy - therefore, I have a lot of empathy for needing love and affection and I try to make his needs met. I have tried really hard to fix previous tangible concerns like letting him know when I'll be away from my phone for a while or making changes to not be late to things. We have had some really good strides where I've been able to tell him my needs more or own up to my small failings. But the last 72 hours have been a nightmare even with my growth and progress. I'm sorry this post is lengthy but I'll try my best to explain the current situation:
Sunday my bf slept through his brother coming to visit on accident. He woke up and texted me and said he was spiraling a bit about feeling bad about it and would be okay but just needed a "5" to show him I was there. (this is supposed to be a call back to us saying I love you 5 ever in the past)
I didn't see his text for 30 minutes and then told him l was soo sorry I didn't see this sooner and that I was really sorry he slept through his alarm and missed that, but his body must have needed rest. He said it's okay, it's just my brother.
We spoke for 40 minutes about mothers day and other stuff and then he said "hey you never sent a 5" and I said "oh shoot, 5". It then was shared that it really upset him that I hadn't read and replied to that part of his text. It made him feel not listened to, he said, that I chose to reply how I wanted instead of doing what he asked for. I apologized and also said sorry I didn't say a 5 sooner and that I wish I had seen his text and sent a 5 right away. He got upset that I was apologizing for not texting him right away. He said apologizing for the thing he's not even upset about (not replying for 30 minutes) takes away his agency and takes away from him feeling heard.
He then explained it wasn't fully about the 5 - it was that it hurt that I didn't ask more about his feelings and just changed the topic after he said "it's okay". I think sometimes I forget people say "it's okay" to try to be strong when really they want to talk about their feelings. He emphasized he wished I had asked about his feelings and I said I definitely should have and need to be better about asking more follow up if he opens up and says he's spiraling.
I apologized a ton Sunday night and called him and cried to him on the phone about how much I cared and how much I didn't want to hurt him. He told me it was going to be okay and he even told me he felt loved and cared about. He showed appreciation when I took accountability and I said things like "I totally see how it made you feel not heard that I didnt do a small thing you asked for" and "I really should have followed up by asking more about your feelings or why you were spiraling".
Monday he got upset again once he woke up and said I was defensive yesterday and it hurt and that I talk at him and not with him (I did get defensive a bit by saying things like "I didn't know you weren't still okay and I took it at face value when you said you were okay" or saying "I told you I know I messed up and I shouldn't have ignored you opening up to me" when he brought up again how hurt he felt. But sometimes he repeated how hurt he was and how he wished I would hold myself accountable. So I would at times get defensive by saying "well I tried telling you that I'm sorry I ____"
I didn't know what to keep saying besides sorry and that I messed up. I tried keeping my answers brief after he said i was making things about myself (being emotional in my guilt) because i didnt want to risk monopolizing the conversation. Then he told me I really hurt him because he shared 2 paragraphs about how hurt he was and I gave a 10 word answer. I apologized multiple times for my 10 word answer. I said I only kept it short to keep the focus on him. He said it felt like I wasn't even trying. I tried asking what else he needs or what I could do to help and he told me I'm just Asking "out of self preservation". Then when I said I wish I knew what I could do to help he said "did you ask". Three different times when I said I wish I could make him feel better or things like I am trying to give thoughtful answers he would say "did you ask" and then I would say "ask what?" And get frustrated when he didn't give me a straight answer. When I got upset for not getting an answer to my question, he said I was making it about me again.
At some point he asked for examples of me asking accountability. I sent screenshots of when I said I messed up and hurt him and I should've done differently and he got upset and said "those are from yesterday and don't impact how I feel today". I tried taking accountability again today in multiple sentences. He seemed grateful that I did and was glad to hear me list the things I messed up and take the blame for. But then when I brought up something i was hoping we could still do (a surprise party for him) he got really upset and said I was only thinking about what I wanted (to see him and get him to the surpise) instead of what he wanted (to not go out). This led to him skipping his own surprise party yesterday. It was so embarrassing because I didn't know how to explain why he wouldn't come with me (I was supposed to be the one to bring him to the surprise) and his friend ended up making up that he got too wasted beforehand. Even since the party he has only said how his wishes feel ignored and he never wanted a surprise party (I guess a misfire but his friends really wanted to do the party so I went along). No apology for not even coming.
A chunk of yesterdays convo, word for word: M: "I felt so small when you gave me a 10 word response I felt like I didn't explain enough or wasn't good enough . And to not really have a response, it hurt me so bad."
F: "I'm sorry for hurting you so much and giving so small of a response. I'm really sorry for the things I did to make you feel small."
M: "thats not what I'm worried about or bothers me"
F: "What are you worried about or bothered by? You shared it Made you feel small when I sent a 10 word response, so I thought that was a part of the problem."
M: "Not really related and makes me feel worse about getting the love I need/want"
F: "i don't understand. You brought up how much hurt you and how low it made you feel, how is it not related?"
M: "Did you ask?"
F: "I'm asking now"
M: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you being hurt negated everything I've felt?"
F: "What? Where did I say I'm hurt?"
M: "You're asking a question so you could feel good or secure but I dont feel I'm afforded the same"
A seperate convo chunk later that day:
M: i spend so much energy and get so little in return. When I reach out and ask for help everything gets focused on how you felt. When do I matter?
F: I'm sorry. I hope you can get to feel like you matter now. I have been trying to do what you need and put very little focus on myself and I'll keep trying
M: If you can't try or listen to what I'm saying or asking for just leave me alone and make this whole situation easier. I'm exhausted and tired from giving you grace and somehow things always focus back on you.
_--- Then In several texts asked him if he explain how things kept coming back to me and he said the focus just keeps coming back to me.because I won't take accountability. He is embarrassed and doesn't feel good enough. Because I don't show him support when he needs it and don't show i care in the ways he wants or needs the way he supports me when I'm low.
F; I'm sorry and I wish I had afforded you the same. I'm trying to give thoughtful answers, sorry if they have to be short because I'm at work. Can you explain how you feel like the focus has been coming back to me in today's convo.
M: did you ask?
F: ask what? How did I make the focus on me?
M: dude we aren't doing this again
F: dude I asked for clarification becuase I don't get your question
M: It's not about you. I don't think you're ready or capable of loving me the way I want or need. I feel like I've given you grace and afforded you the space to make or acknowledge mistakes. I can't keep begging to be heard and feel like I'm overreacting or misunderstood. It's fine to ask for clarification, but when you do it hijacks the conversation and we never revist what I said.
F: because I don't get an answer so it's hard to revisit the topic when I'm still confused
M: I'm sorry , I didn't realize that me spiraling or being in a bad place was only continued because you didn't get a response. This isn't about you.
I want to get him to couples therapy because I care about him SO much and he has a really big heart and a good soul. But once he feels hurt, it's like he's stuck being the victim and can't see how horribly irrational our conversations are going. I am not perfect at conflict either - I get defensive if he keeps talking about being hurt, and I end up crying a lot to him about how bad I feel for hurting, and sometimes he has to help me calm me down from my intense crying over the problem I caused, which is draining for him. But I think at least in this case he is really stuck in a victim complex where he isnt doing any wrong and I'm not doing much right to him. I genuinely feel like therapy could really help, and that the couples therapy would support my individual therapy working on defensiveness and emotional control. I want to support him, but I'm nervous to just outright ask for it. What do I do? How could I ease into the topic?
TL;DR: Although I have tried to be very patient and take accountability there are a lot of things I do that hurt my boyfriend. I have worked on improve some concrete things but our most recent conflict (detailed above) has me feeling anxious and lost because I try taking accountability throughout but he is still upset no matter what I say. I don't think he knows how to handle conflict and I'm not perfect at it either but i am very willing to name everything I do wrong and try to change it. I want to suggest couples therapy so he can see we can both do better. Not sure how.

TL;DR—Brenden and team from Goliath Auto Transport are top notch. Transparent, reliable, friendly, knowledgeable, accurate, accessible, responsive…
Ron from 1 Hope Auto & Transport did everything right.
Highly recommend both.
Long version- I just purchased a vehicle in Oregon. I’m in Michigan. My plan was to fly one way and drive 2300 miles home over a weekend. Was going to cost around $800 just for airfare-not ideal.
Decided to ship vehicle north to a family member’s house in Washington just over the border from Portland, then find cheap airfare to the international airport and drive home.
Quick google search found a company that gave an immediate online quote. Thought I had a good thing going. Come time to confirm details and they tried squeezing me for an extra 20% above initial quote. I ran. Came here to Reddit and saw a Goliath Auto Transport post. Did a bit of heavier research and decided to give them a try.
They don’t give an immediate quote online that may be a turn off for some, but the 15 minute delay or whatever it was for me turned out perfectly.
They have real live humans review each request. They have real people make phone calls to clear up details without trying to sell you anything. You request they give an option. Easy.
I told Brenden my experience with the first transport company and shared their initial quote-price matched without hesitation or needing proof. Happy me, happy them!
My delivery needed completed on fairly short notice and Brenden was able to coordinate to have Ron from 1 Hope complete the pickup and delivery and kept us updated through all of it…
I hope I don’t have to do this very often, but if I do, I’m tracking down these two companies first!

My husband (33m) and I (31f) will be attending a wedding this weekend, and I just learned that a guy I had an interest in before we even met, back in my single days, will be there. I’m wondering whether I should give my husband a heads up, or just be silent about it.
The background: I knew this guy was “trouble” from the day we met, very charming with a great smile. I was interested in spite of myself and had a couple of short make out sessions with him while he was on a break with his girlfriend. One night I gave in to a booty call from him after I had been at a wedding, he came over and we had sex (on my couch, no condom, to give you an idea). Not my proudest moment, kind of out of character for me.
This guy ended up getting that girlfriend pregnant and marrying her. She will probably be at the wedding too.
Should I let my husband know this guy (who we may meet) and I have history, or let it be?
Tl;dr: A guy I had a sort of thing with will be at a wedding and my husband will be there.

Hello, Folks,
I've been running Pf2e for a few weeks now, as part of a West Marches community, having previously run 5th Edition D&D for several years prior, and overall I would say my experience is significantly positive. That said, there are a few observations I wanted to point out to see how they compare to this community's experience with the system, any relevant transitions from 5e to Pf2e, and my own sensibilities vs either the system or the kind of community I'm a part of.
TL/DR: I am having a great time, there are just some experiences, preconceived notions, and design elements I'm still trying to work through, understand, and align expectations with.

1. I find that the post-combat activities feel a bit too, as best I can phrase, taken for granted. In every game I've run so far, the immediate thing the groups move to is their healing/refocusing activities. This isn't disruptive by any means, and it is certainly both expected to occur by myself and the system, but it seems like there's a critical (to me at least) step missing, that narrative beat between the encounter ending and the party deciding what to do next. My experience in 5e was typically that the party would regroup after an encounter, perhaps loot some bodies, make some checks to see if the coast is clear, and then discuss taking a short rest. On top of this, short resting is significantly simpler in 5e, which again is not an issue in fact I like all of the focus abilities the characters have in Pf2e, but it definitely takes up much more time than in 5e.
2. I'm aware that Pf2e has a significantly higher magic setting, in the sense that magic items are by design intended to be more pervasive, but the groups I've been running for seem to have a significant wealth of magic items. Now the WM community I'm a part of has very clear and RAW guidelines for magic and treasure, so my gut is telling me this is intended, but it does frequently present a "woah you guys can do that" moment for me at nearly every encounter. Fortunately Pf2e is designed well such that the wealth of magic items don't seem to have a significant power impact, but it does present a challenge subconsciously for me moving here from 5e of comparing the inherent attrition mindset by comparison. In other words, I'm accustomed to considering how challenging an encounter(s) is based on resources expended, but as I've run higher level games I'm seeing a significant reduction in proportional resources expended (in spite of the fact that by and large the players seem consistently challenged).
3. For the most part I'm detecting significantly less presence of a "system" difference between 5e and Pf2e than I expected to find. Mentions of the 3-action economy, the costs of things like movement, interacting with objects, etc., don't feel like they have nearly as much functional impact on the gameplay experience compared to how I envisioned them in my head. That said, things like one of my NPCs being knocked prone actually feels impactful because now they are less likely to be able to move into position, and things like Auras and Emanations feel like they stack so effectively that sometimes (in particular my game last night) I need to ask for 4-5 different saving throws at the start of a player's turn. Fortunately I run on Foundry, which dramatically improves the gameplay experience with the automations and tracking of things like persistent effects, but I am seeing a progressive increase in overlapping, stacking, persistent, and different effects going on at any given time, it is admittedly sometimes hard to keep track of it all.
4. Spellcasting feels like a mixed bag. My experience here is exclusively as a DM, so my spellcasting NPCs don't typically have the wealth of resources PCs typically do, but I have to actively read every single spell I see, including ones I recognize from 5e, because sometimes they are dramatically different. Case in point, I used Bestial Polymorph on a PC last night thinking it functioned like Polymorph from 5e, but it turns out there is another spell that does that, and not only did the spell do practically nothing even on a Failure, the target (a Beast Frog Barbarian) was able to use their Morph trait Rage to counteract the effect. It was cool, dramatic, and interesting, but it did kind of feel like that spell use case in particular fell flat primarily because it was hard to discern what the actual impact could/would be. This isn't necessarily bad, but it does suggest I'll need to be a lot more discerning about things like spells and abilities in relation to the party to avoid experiencing practical failure at creature selection.

All in all I am loving the experience of running in Pf2e, last night the game was described as a "truly cinematic experience", which is incredibly high praise for my own DM style and aspirations. I just wanted to share my experience and get some thoughts or feedback on things to consider, different perspectives, and perhaps some alignment of expectations as I continue to run games in this system.
Thanks!

TL;DR at the bottom. This happened about 10 years ago. I lived in the garden unit of a three floor walk-up. The front door was a sliding door like you’d see in a walkout basement. The rent was dirt cheap and the neighborhood wasn’t the greatest. I lived with two roommates and we had one cat. The third floor neighbors had a dog they would leave unattended outside in the shared backyard. This was a big safety issue to me not only because we were right next to a dangerous neighborhood, but also because my roommates told me the apartment had been broken into a year or two prior.
When it first started, I think I may not have been paying much attention to the yard and if anyone or anything was in it when I’d notice the back door to the building being left open from inside our apartment, I’d just quickly lock it and go back inside. It was a big yard for a big city and the dog wasn’t loud at all or zooming around the entire time. (Our back door had a decent amount of space between it and the floor so it was pretty easy to tell if the building’s door was open or not.)
After a few times of this, I got a text from an unknown number. My neighbor must have gotten my number from our landlord. She said she noticed I’ve been closing the back door to the building and said she lets her dog out there. Could I please stop locking her dog out? I apologized and said I didn’t realize that and yes, no problem. Fast forward a little bit and it keeps happening, only now I realize the dog is being left out alone in the yard. I text her asking if she can stop leaving the back door open when she lets him out in the yard alone and she says sure, she can. After a few days, it’s clear she just said that to placate me, as it kept happening. I’m annoyed so I email the landlord and tell him what’s going on, asking if he can talk to my neighbor. He refuses. Apparently this is an issue between the two of us that we need to resolve ourselves. He wasn’t a great landlord, he was a little shady, so I wasn’t confident he’d help, but I had to try.
Then one day, I open my apartment’s back door to go to the laundry room and the dog is right outside of our door. I was not expecting this. He stays for only a moment before noticing my roommate’s cat and immediately darts inside our apartment and starts chasing it around. I scream and don’t know what to do. This must’ve scared the dog or he changed his mind and decided to stop chasing our cat and go outside in the yard instead. I’m livid at this point and determined to make it stop happening. This dog could’ve torn my roommate’s cat to pieces! He was a big dog.
Now, being a conflict avoidant person and in my early 20s, I dread having to go upstairs and talk to my neighbor, whom I’d never met in person, but I’m so mad, I muster up the courage to talk to her. I was still coming down from the adrenaline rush of the chase and my hear is pounding, I’m trying to stop myself from shaking. I go upstairs and knock on her back door. (Since we had our own separate entrance, we didn’t have access to her front door.) She has to hold her dog back by his collar to prevent him from getting out when he realizes the door is open.
The conversation is quick, maybe a minute or two. I tell her I’ve noticed the door is still being left open with the dog alone in the yard and can she please stop? Her dog had just bolted into our apartment and chased our cat around. I try adding that it’s not only dangerous to us, but her dog too cause he could get stolen to help bolster my argument. (The fences were too big for him to jump out and run away.) She says that’s why she leaves the door open, so she can hear him. She claims that she doesn’t want to have to walk down three flights of stairs to get her dog when he can just come up himself when called. She wants to enjoy her home how she wants to enjoy it.
I say I understand that, but it’s a shared building with other tenants that need to be considered and as the garden floor renters, we’re the most at risk in the event of a break-in. She’s irritated by this valid point and apologizes for her dog getting into our home and reluctantly says she’ll try to be better about it.
Another little while passes, nothing changes. Cue petty revenge! I start locking the building’s back door any time I notice it’s open. I don’t care if the dog’s out there. My neighbor is being lazy, irresponsible, and putting us in harm’s way for own selfish desire. She’s mad now too, obviously, and I get an email from my landlord a day or two later asking to stop locking her dog out. I respectfully tell him no, her dog endangered our cat and she needs to stop leaving him outside by himself. No response from my landlord. She then texts me asking if we can talk on the phone, I accept.
She calls me while I’m out at the bar after work with friends. I step outside to talk to her and the conversation starts off cordially, but quickly becomes heated. She says she’s not going to lock the door behind her dog and demands I stop locking him out, claiming I wasn’t woman enough to even talk to her about it beforehand. I remind her we spoke in person and she lied when she said she’d be more careful, this is the consequence of her actions, and I’m not going to stop. She says she’s going to get the landlord to make me, I say good luck with that, he refused to get involved when I reached out to him about her. The call ends.
A couple days later, I notice the back door is still being left open, only now her boyfriend is out in the yard with the dog. Great! I don’t mind if it’s open as long as someone is there. I would’ve been fine with that from the beginning. I remain vigilant about checking to see if the boyfriend is outside with the dog any time I notice the door is open. A few times in the beginning, he’s not always there with the dog, but he is shortly after they realize I’m not going to stop.
He seemed like an easygoing guy. I apologized to him the first time I saw him out there and he said he understood. He was always nice when I’d check to see if the dog was alone. The back door wasn’t left open without anyone there with the dog again after that and they moved out about six or nine months later when their lease expired. It would’ve been sweeter petty revenge if she were single because then she’d have had to stay downstairs with the dog herself instead of making her boyfriend do it. But I was satisfied in the end.
TL;DR - Neighbor wouldn’t stop leaving her dog alone outside in the shared backyard while leaving the back door open so I started locking her dog out and her boyfriend started staying outside in the yard with the dog with the door open.

Preface: I'm totally fine with people referring to the reworked books as "5.5e" because frankly it's the easiest way to differentiate them from the 2014 versions.
My main arguement here is that though all the player options have been overhauled, the 2024 rules are still fundamentally not a distinct/new rpg system from the rest of 5e.
You really just need to look at the glossary section of the newest playtest to see the 5e system itself has hardly changed at all. Most of the changes are just fixing bad wording to make rules function as intended. The only rules I see that directly contradicts their 2014 counterpart are Shove and Grapple (which both have DCs now)
Calculating ability mods from ability scores hasn't changed. Calculating AC and Initiative bonus hasn't changed. Calculating mods for attacks, saving throws and skill checks hasn't changed, and neither has how those rolls work in game. You are still limited to an Action, Bonus Action, and movement each turn, and a reaction each round. Short rests still let you spend hit dice to recover HP, and long rests still restore all HP and hit dice.
In other words: 99% of what makes 5e 5e is the exact fucking same. Reworking character options is nowhere near comparable to creating a distinct RPG system. The jump from 4e to 5e completely removed "action points", completely changed what a "saving throw" even is, and removed the "Reflex", "Fortitude" and "Will" stats (which all worked kinda like AC).
You can have a full party of characters made with with the 2014 PHB, and play with the 2024 rules, AND IT WORKS. It might not be as balanced/fun, but every single one of their effects still works as it was intended back in 2014. Meanwhile if you try to use a 4e character in 5e it simply won't work, because their features refer to mechanics that don't exist anymore, their AC is wrong for their stats, and 3/4 of their attacks/spells target stats that 5e enemies simply don't have.
TL;DR: Reworked features ≠ New TTRPG system

Alright I get it, LOML? Is this guy insane at 19 really? Yes Hopefully my first relationship will be my only. So without further a due, here we go...
Introduction
Hi, my name is Jonathan. Nice too meet you. Im 19 originally from the US and my interest and what I am passionate about is running, gym, traveling, gaming, and anime. My goals and priorities in life are to gain experience with managing money and how it works and starting a business of my own, creating a family and watch as our kids grow up(cheesy I know), and having enough free time to enjoy it with the fam such as traveling and also pursueing passions of mine. This is the general gist about me.
Looks:
I will send you a picture and saying high just so you are aware of what I look like because I think both of the physical and mental aspects of attraction are equally important. I will describe myself here so you get a general idea of what your getting into I guess lol. Im a 6ft 1(185cm for Europeans), 142 lbs hispanic guy with glasses. Im a tall lanky dude is the gist of it.
Interests and Passions:
Loved running as a kid, loved it as a highschooler, and still love it now as an adult. Longistance is my favorite but hey I can do walks if youd like. Gym is good for me in the long run and I love the progression. Shred for summer am I right. I picked up a love for traveling when I first visited NYC when I was 18 and loved the though of exploring new places, recently picked up a side passion of traveling in the form of unplanned spontanious trips(sometimes). Now being in Europe I have the option to go to a whole different country in just a couple hours like what???? I always loved video games as a kid and still now although I have less and less time to play them. Some of my favorites are SQUAD, WARFRAME,LEAGUE OF LEGENDS and ESCAPE FROM TARKOV just to name some but games Ive loved in the past are APEX LEGENDS, ROCKET LEAGUE, RUST, COD BO, FORTNITE, and DAYZ. Love games :). Anime is definetly a big one for me. Been getting into manga more recently but some of my favorite anime have to be action like MHA, Death Note, AOT, Naruto, Demon Slayer but favorite one is by far ONE PIECE. I also like some other animes that arent action like Dr. Stone.
Goals in Life:
I want to be financially stable is the main gist and free up a lot of time for adventures like traveling with my family or my passions like anime running and video games. Learning about money is by far the best way to achieve that goal. I want to start a family eventually maybe in the late or mid 20s depending on my partner. Just something about being a father and experiencing that joy of having another little you running around and watching and mentoring them as they grow up and become successful is just something else really. To reiterate what I said in the first sentance about financial stability goal I would like to do so to free up time and focus more on fun things with the family and enjoying the short life we've got to the fullest experiencing as much as we can.
What Im looking for in terms of looks and personality:
Have at least some mutal interest. Preferably be at a healthy or normal BMI, so really no overweight(sounds fatphobic I know but its just what I prefer) ladies, dealbreaker. Be 18+ (I say this for the Europeans mostly cause US knows its 18+ or a case). Thats really it, dont really care about the size of your butt or chest. Some preferences that are not dealbreakers but bonus or brown ie points are short haired, short, gamer, or asian. Again not dealbreakers or anything but it is prefered. Dont be rude as well.
Alright thats the end thanks for reading this, care more about having a special someone that cares about me and is eager to talk to me or be romantic. Hopefully if you are in europe we can meet up after getting to know each other. Have a great day. PS. if you did come this far us this emoji🗣️ and DM me if you found me interesting or would like to talk.

I get a lot of messages asking about my cancer, so before I get to my story: I highly recommend visiting BCAN.org and asking to be paired up in their survivor to survivor program. Every diagnosis is different and the survivor to survivor program pairs you with someone with similar age, gender, and diagnosis, so you can ask all about their experience. I have enjoyed volunteering with the program and the newly diagnosed that I speak to seem to as well.
My story:
In March of 2020, I was diagnosed with Stage III muscle-invasive bladder cancer. Leading up to that diagnosis I had recurring episodes of extremely painful urination for nearly two years. Not a drop of blood in my urine. The episodes were becoming longer and more frequent. I had urgency and an extreme pain that had me calling out sick from work. It was pure misery and by the time I was diagnosed it was actually a relief.
The test I urge anyone reading this to get is a urine cytology. I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice. In my experience the urine cytology saved my life. It's a cheap "pee cup" test you can get at any urologist's office. More info here. My easy to remember rhyme is: if it burns when you pee, get a urine cytology.
Up until that test, doctors had been meandering down a path that was not focused on cancer. I was 33 years old (37M now) and due to my young age they didn't consider cancer. I had been in some mountain bike accidents with pelvic trauma so I was misdiagnosed with Pudendal Neuralgia. Symptoms matched but the treatment offered no relief.
I did my urine cytology. 15 minutes later "Atypical cells" led to a bladder scope and I was looking at my tumors in the urologist's office. The tumors were biopsied and I was scheduled for TURBT. This is where my stage III diagnosis was given. I felt immediate relief from the painful urination after tumor removal. The tumors were pressing on my ureters so it felt like kidney stones all the time. We immediately started chemo and my doctors began telling me I would lose my bladder. I did MVAC chemo for four rounds over the summer. This was very intense: what you think about when people say chemo. Lost my hair--gained weight which is not uncommon--and overall felt like shit. After that I was given a few weeks to recover and then had a radical cystectomy with neobladder diversion in August of 2020. This was not an easy decision but the prognosis was best. I tend to trust the data.
SHOUTOUT to my medical team: Dr. Bupathi & Dr. Monticelli of Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers; as well as Dr. Shandra Wilson my urologist and surgeon. Their skills and expertise assuaged all my concerns and made me feel so confident. THANK YOU SO MUCH. For those reading: get a good team; ask lots of questions; and don't be afraid to get multiple opinions. I keep several journals, which help a lot and I'll detail that at the bottom of this post*
Recovery from the neobladder surgery was the hardest part. I had a foley catheter and "grenade" for six weeks or so. My cath bag looked like a bag of red wine due to blood. They walk you around a lot to recover faster. It involved a lot of bed-rest intermixed with short walks. I think I was out of the office for at least a month. I am in generally very good physical shape and even several weeks after this procedure it was hard to walk more than 1/4 mile.
From there I thought I was cancer free. I lead my life with my family**. Here is what saved my life again: Signaterra testing. Dr. Bupathi had these tests scheduled every six weeks. It tracks genetic cancer markers in your blood. The test results look like the stock market except you want it to go down. After several months we noticed it was rising again. We ordered a PET scan, found enlarged lymph nodes, and determined my cancer had returned (or never left). I began a second chemo regiment followed by immunotheraphy (that I just completed yesterday!!!). CisGem chemo was quite difficult. The C in MVAC stands for cisplatin and it's generally one of the hardest drugs to tolerate. After a few difficult rounds we switched to carboplatin and it became much more tolerable. After that I did two years of Bavencio/Avelumab. My Natera test results showed that my cancer had dropped to untraceable levels during chemo, so I effectively beat it before starting the PDL1 inhibitor therapy. However, my team strongly encouraged me to complete the immuno. To me, it felt like putting out a campfire: add water, stir, add water, stir. You gotta make sure it's really gone!
The bavencio PDL1 therapy caused me a lot of mood swings and sometimes caused immune system flare ups (i.e. "immuno flu"). For the physical flare ups I used prednisone, as needed. I tried to do so sparingly as it basically cancels out your treatment. The mood swings were the worst. I would often be despondent and depressed for a few days after treatment. Other times, I'd feel no mood alterations. Most often, I'd be extremely irritable for about a week after treatment (treatments were every two weeks so it was very difficult).
I'm now two years cancer free and beginning my recovery from the immunotherapy treatments. I am so happy to live in an age of modern medicine. Within my lifetime many cancers will become manageable diseases--it appears to me that bladder cancer already has. Reach out to BCAN support groups and DM me if my post didn't answer a question of yours. Good luck! You got this!
*Journaling helped me tremendously. I had three journals (google docs). The first was an overall journal detailing my doctor visits. The second was a symptom journal. The third was an insurance journal/spreadsheet. The first journal served almost as a blog, which I shared with close friends and family. That way I didn't have to have the same conversation over and over. It's nice to have family and friends interested, but it does wear at you when you have to tell the same doctor visit over and over to people. This cut down on those discussions and allowed me to have more enjoyable calls with well-wishers. The second journal I would write down daily side effects and 1-10 pain scales. This was extremely important because I could bring it up with doctors and I wouldn't have to remember how I felt, I could look it up. It also helped me understand insidious side effects that take months to reveal themselves. This was the most important journal and kept me sane. There are soooo many side effects and when you start a cancer treatment program you often have no choice-- so why read them? Well this journal would help me understand when something was a side effect. Often just knowing that it wasn't you it was the drug would have a calming effect. The third journal was so I could fight insurance and get what I deserve. Insurance companies try to reduce payouts through exhaustion. They want you to give up. By documenting your experience you give yourself ammunition when you have to escalate a claim or file an appeal. You have everything laid out in an organized manner. You can get it out of your head and onto a spreadsheet so that you don't think about it when you go to bed at night. I had to file appeals several times, sometimes with Colorado Division of Insurance and my record-keeping was a tremendous boon to my case. Don't pay a bill as soon as you get it! Wait until you get the claim record from your insurance company and make sure the number on the bill matches what the insurance company told you to pay. If you cut that check wrong, you'll seldom get that money back!
**Neobladders do not have musculature like your normal bladder. I had several very severe bladder infections--a few that led to hospitalization. During the first 18 months or so, I was not catheterizing becuase I was under the impression that my new bladder worked. I peed constantly; however, I was retaining over one liter of urine at all times. This urine kept becoming infected and putting me in miserable situations. Under my urologists advice, I began cathing and immediately felt great. I lost nearly 10 lbs in "water weight" and no longer have any urgency issues. I can sleep through the night, but often will cath around five hours into the night just so I can sleep in later. On average I cath about once every three hours. It's not painful when done correctly. It's honestly just tedious. However, after all of this the only way my life is abnormal now is my cathing. I can swim, climb, play with my son and do any physical activity; it just takes longer to pee now. I'll take that win!