With the airing of the reunion bringing added traffic and old Dance Moms fans back into this subreddit, I’ve been seeing more and more negative posts and comments surrounding JoJo. Whether it’s her inclusion in the reunion, her relationship with Abby, or her actions now as a 20-year-old, she’s being thrown to the wolves on the daily. I’m someone who got into Dance Moms right when it started airing—I was a teenager who’d danced competitively for years and the girl’s experience reminded me of my own (in the beginning, at least…). When JoJo was eventually brought to the show, I had a feeling she was going to be a star one day, but I also knew she was never going to have a “regular life”, which is something I believed the other girls had a chance at, once the show would stop filming.
Back in 2015, JoJo did a mall tour and came to my area. I’d never been able to meet a Dance Moms girl before, so I grabbed my sister, convinced her to go with me, and figured if my thoughts were correct and JoJo DID make it big, we’d have a good “celebrity I met” story to tell someday. I wrote up the whole experience and posted it on Tumblr, and thought resurrecting it now might give some insight and perspective into why JoJo is the way she is now. This tour happened almost ten years ago, and JoJo had already been “working” for years. She never stopped. I understand all the girls are adults now, but when I was 20, 21, 22, 23, etc. I certainly didn’t have it all figured out. Even if I thought I did. I’m not saying the girls should be free of any and all critiques. I’m just hopeful this will remind people that our lives, in comparison to the lives of these girls who were broadcast on TV for years as they were growing up, are not the same. Sure, we wouldn’t want a relationship with Abby, we’re able to view her from an outsider’s perspective and see how cruel she was. But being in that bubble with her? And having a mom that supported your relationship with her? I’m not surprised that JoJo, at 20, still sees their relationship as a positive thing. Maybe in ten years she’ll feel differently. But, for now, here’s a copy/paste of my write-up from the meet and greet! I hope y’all enjoy some old Dance Moms lore.
“So I went to the Jojo meet and greet in my local mall today and here’s what went down if anyone is curious :)
• Jojo performed a solo to “Fight Song” after giving a speech to the audience that basically was “I love this song because it’s all about building a wall, well not actually, like, physically building a wall with the bricks and cement and stuff like that, like, a wall to just block out the haters. I’ve had to learn how to do that.”
• Her favorite Miley Cyrus song is Can’t Be Tamed, which she then started to sing and the microphone died lol.
• At one point something fell over behind the stage and made a loud crash, and Jojo got scared because she had been in a mall where there was a shooting before and she thought it was a gunshot.
• She said Maddie and Kendall are probably the closest friends on the show.
• When asked about her worst moment with Abby, she re-enacted the scene where Abby yelled at her to get out after she said “If you yell at me I’m gonna cry.” It was actually hilarious because she demonstrated it as though she ran out of the room in sad hysterics, but obviously that didn’t happen :) She said it’s funny to look back on now.
• Her favorite group dance is “Always a bridesmaid” and she still remembers the Spice Girls dance, the Moulin Rouge dance, and Selfie (which she demonstrated very cutely)
• I asked Jessalynn about the meet and greet that Jojo did with Abby in LA, and this is what she told me : basically, Jess got a random phone call from Abby’s makeup artist one day, saying that Abby wanted to do a meet and greet with Jojo. Jess didn’t buy it and said she’d only believe it once Abby got on the phone and told her herself. So Abby got on the phone and was “acting all sweet” saying that “it would be fun” and “the two divas” etc etc. Jess didn’t want to say yes at first, but she got two of her best friends to go with her in the hopes that having people with her would keep Abby from going off on her lol. In the end it wasn’t just for the show, but Jess assumes Abby only wanted to do an event with Jojo because she knows Jojo would get people into the studio.
• Jess hasn’t seen the reunion yet and was happy they portrayed her in a decent light, but wasn’t surprised that Holly looked kind of crazy. (She actually asked me if they showed Holly walking out haha)
• I was one of the last people to meet Jojo and when she was signing my photo for me she looked down and was like “Wow I really just signed this photo JoJoJo, look!” so she let me have two pictures :) I like the JoJoJo one better because it’s funny HA
So that’s basically it! She had done two meet and greets earlier in the day (along with two master classes) and then she did another master class and meet and greet after. Poor girl must be exhausted, but she kept her energy up during the question and answer and her performance. When I finally got to her she seemed a little shy and/or tired (I wouldn’t be surprised if she was shy because I’m like 20 and all the other people were small children LOL) but she was still very cute and nice :)
I also bought a bow and wore it around the mall like a fool, but it was worth it”

Having read a comprehensive book detailing the Hart Family/ Stampede Wrestling, as well as books by Bret Hart, Bruce Hart and Dynamite Kid, I can say it was great to hear from someone who was spoken about in all those books. It is fascinating to see all the intersecting points of view when it comes to anything Hart Family related.
Bret Hart book
Bruce Hart book
History of Stampede Wrestling book
History of the Hart Family as documented in various books
Dynamite Kid book
This book was short and a quick read, but you could tell it was written with honesty and truth. She doesn't shy away from her own mistakes and issues while detailing the own POV on a relationship where most people have only heard from Bret.
As always, it's done in chronological order. I hope you find it as interesting as I did...
Julie had a truly wild and horrific youth experience between being sent to juvenile detention centers and dealing with genuinely abusive step parents. She is honest and critical of her own behaviors as well and doesn't like the choices she made. I grew up in the area where she spent her teenage years, and I can confirm that the seedy ghetto areas of Saskatchewan are genuinely gross and terrifying places to be when you're young and directionless.
She talks about how she was r*ped while hitchhiking as a teenager and got pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption and tried to press charges but got cold feet and ran to another neighboring city. She was afraid the man who assaulted her would escape the charges and come after her again. She was young and naively thought that if she had just switched towns, she could escape everything. When a cop found her, he accused her of running because she was lying about the assault. This type of bullshit is why women don't come forward.
Julie was working in Regina, Saskatchewan, at the arena where wrestling was held when it came in town. That's where she first saw Bret Hart, and Bret saw her too. He ended up asking her boss Gil to introduce the two. Bret spoke about this in his book, too, how Julie caught his eye while he was in the ring. Gil later warned Julie that dating a wrestler is risky because they have a lot of "stops on the road." Julie didn't understand that Gil wasn't criticizing or accusing Bret of anything, but how he knew how wrestlers were on the road, in terms of meeting women.
Julie speaks favorably on how Bret treated her younger sister Michelle (the future wife of Dynamite Kid) but I remember in Bret's book, him describing in detail how attracted he was to the underage Michelle when he met her. Julie says Bret treated her like a sister, and her book came out after Bret's, so I'll take her word for it.
Julie moved in with Bret in Calgary just a few months into their relationship and she remembers being a wreck of nerves and anxiety ay the start, unable to cook or even attend the big Hart Family Sunday dinner. Eventually, Bret got her out to the Hart house where she met Stu and Helen Hart. Helen was a sweetheart, but she remembers Stu eying her up and down, with Julie saying, "He gave me the once over." Adding, "Stu judged women on their teeth and legs." She said Stu stared at her teeth and legs as if she were a race horse he was inspecting.
Julie remembers how Stu would turn any conversation into something about wrestling. She mentioned being a Saskatchewan Roughrider fan (Canadian football team), and Stu went on a rant about Gene Kiniski, who briefly played for the Edmonton Eskimos This made me chuckle as Stu and Gene had a but of a rough relationship since Stu gave up on Gene when he was a rookie and hurt his knee. Gene went to Toronto where "Whipper" Billy Watson essentially turned Gene into the big name star he was known for.
In Bret's book, he described the first night Julie came to the Sunday Hart dinner and when Julie passed on the salad, Bret's sister Diana Hart snapped on her saying, "What, you're too good for fuckin' salad!?" Bret says his mom responded by saying to Julie, "So you met Bret's sister Diana." In Julie's book, she describes this event as well but doesn't mention the funny line from Helen. She says Bret just took Julie and decided to leave immediately. Bret's other sister, Georgia, followed them outside and apologized on behalf of Diana and excused Diana by pointing out how pregnant Diana was at the time.
Julie actually puts over Diana quite a bit and says she actually came to admire Diana for how outspoken she was. She says Diana had a great style and was a gifted artist. After reading so many Hart related books, it's refreshing to hear something positive about Diana. Diana is the "Black sheep" who married "The British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith. Diana would write a scandalous and legal minefield of a book in 2001 called "Under the mat." It was quickly pulled from shelves after Owen Hart's widow Martha threatened legal action over what was said about her and Owen. Bret and Bruce Hart also denounce the book, calling it mostly lies, but not everything can be written off as fiction, including stories, some wild stores about Dean Hart. I desperately need this book.
Julie said she never got over the sight of Bret Hart eating an avacado as if it were an apple.
While Bret was in Japan wrestling with his brother Keith, Julie said she spent a lot of time with Keith's girlfriend. It was Keith's girlfriend who smartened Julie up to how wrestling works. Up to this point, she believed it to be legit, and even Bret had been selling it like this to her. She was furious, and when Bret called, she told him they were done and hung up on him. The next day, Bret's older brother Bruce stopped by to help her understand kayfabe and how silly it all was. Julie says she ended up feeling bad for reacting like that and yelling at Bret, but she says he forgave her immediately. Bret tells this same story in his book, adding details of how Julie would worry and stress about Bret Hart being brutalized every night.
Here's something I dont remember from Bret's book. He knocked up Julie very early into their relationship, and Julie got an abortion. She said they both weren't ready for being parents, but Julie says she was deeply saddened by their choice. She never expressed these misgivings with Bret, and assumes Bret was relieved, she didn't make it any more difficult on them. To Bret's credit, maybe he didn't mention it in his book for Julie's benefit. Or he did mention it very briefly, and I missed it.
Julie remembers accompanying Bret on a trip overseas where they went to a freaky sex show place where they had "baby tigers and lions and torture rooms."" She says at one point Bret got tied up on a table and was playfully whipped.
On this trip, Julie remembers a woman hitting on Bret right in front of her and had to yell at her to back off while Bret laughed. Julie was pissed and made them go back to the hotel. Once there, Julie was mouthing off to Bret before he grabbed her and "bodyslammed" her into the flower bed. He offered to help her up afterwards but she told him to fuck off.
A week later Bret came home smelling of perfume and Julie says she just snapped. She said she grabbed him and dug her finger nails into his face and eyes. She says Bret later would tell her that he never saw her the same after this incident. I don't remember Bret describing Julie ever getting physical like that in his book, but he did describe a lot of shouting matches.
Julie says she and Bret got married after her younger sister and Dynamite Kid. She says they got married in secret because Bret didn't like his siblings much and said they didn't deserve to be part of it.
When Julie was pregnant again this time they felt ready to start a family. Though Bret made Julie not tell anyone for the first 5 months of her pregnancy and when he "told" his parents, it was through a letter he left on their bed before he left for a wrestling tour. Julie remembers feeling hurt by this because Bret would say his parents always wanted their children to start families with someone who had money, a significant name and an education. Julie had none of those things and while she doesn't say it, you get the feeling that she thinks Bret was ashamed or embarrassed by her.
When she got pregnant again, she says Bret was mad at her for not being more careful with birth control. She says she became very irritable and bitchy throughout the pregnancy and always found something to be mad at Bret for. She is super critical of her behavior here and doesn't excuse it.
The night she gave birth, Bret left to go out for drinks, despite Julie asking him not to in case her water broke. When she woke up at 5am to her water breaking, she was furious that Bret didn't come home yet and had to call a friend to get her to the hospital. Bret was a no-show for her entire delivery and missed his second child being born. Julie says she was furious and seriously considered divorcing him then.
When Bret started touring with WWF, he was gone for much longer periods of time and this strained their marriage. Working for WWF really put a strain on Bret and filled him with confidence issues as well. She said between his self doubt and her loneliness, their marriage was barely holding on.
She remembers how Bret would call from the road and bemoan about how lonely he was. I'm reminded of his book, how he would complain about feeling lonely, then complain that the guilt of cheating on Julie was too much.
Julie says she got a literal itch and went to a doctor who told her that she caught "something" from a public washroom. A suspicious Julie went home and threw all her bedding in the garbage and then thought to check on her suspicion. She looked through their phone bills to find that Bret was placing a ton of calls to a girl from New Jersey and that he even kept the receipt for a Christmas present he bought this girl!
Julie describes how Bret called and she just screamed "I want a divorce!" Before she hung up and ripped the phone cord out of the wall. Eventually she agreed to go meet him and they started yelling at each other in a parking lot after a show. She says at one point Bret through a can of budweiser at her head, hitting her! She says wrestler Les Thorton got between the two and tried to calm them down. She remembers screaming how she won't get in the car with Bret and Bret yelled back, "Don't be stupid, get in the car! Your embarrassing yourself!" She says Bret later said the girl meant nothing to him and Julie should be greatful that Bret isn't addicted to drugs. Wild. At one point when they were back in the hotel room, a girl called the room asking for Bret and Julie snapped, breaking a lamp.
In Bret's book, he described how he decieved both Julie and this girl from New Jersey, neglecting to tell this side girl that he was married until she was head over heels in love with him. Bret talks about how tough this was for him and says that Stu and Helen Hart talked Julie out of leaving him.
Julie says their relationship was never the same after the affair. She couldn't trust him again.
Julie says when her grandmother died a few months after the affair, Bret was calling her everyday to check in but she said "I couldn't have cared less about those calls."
Julie says it was around this time that she and Bret started to regularly do cocaine. She said the coke helped her not think about the affair and how she would ask Bret to score some if she couldn't get it out of her head. She said she would do coke and sleep in the car just to avoid Bret. She suggests this all slowed down when Vince started cracking down on coke use with drug tests.
She speaks highly of Vince McMahon, this book was written in 2013, and she is greatful for what Vince was able to provide for her family and the opportunity he gave Bret. She says when she first met Vince, he was wearing a suit and sneakers. When she asked Bret why he wore sneakers, Bret said "so he can get around." During the show she noticed Vince was all over the place during matches, never sitting still and always running around from one person to another.
Julie remembers meeting Ozzy Osbourne at Wrestlemania 2 and "marking out" because he was her idol as a teenager. After the show, she says Ozzy was present as everyone had drinks at the hotel and Dynamite Kid spiked her drink. She said she could barely stand and Dynamite just laughed at her the whole time.
Julie notes how devoted Bret was to making sure his kids had the best toys, and how Bret would drive to every toy store before Christmas and find what the kids wanted. She appreciates this but also wishes Bret didn't miss so many plays and dances and activities due to his schedule. She was starting to really resent wrestling and wanted Bret to quit. She hated having this big house that felt empty most of the time without Bret home. In Bret's book, he wanted her to get a job to fix her loneliness.
She says her 3rd pregnancy was easier than her second and Bret was very sweet to her and praised how good she looked.
Julie brings up how devastated Bret was when his brother Dean died in 1990. She remembers watching him wrestle the next night at Survivor Series ppv and seeing the pain on his face. Bret talks about how tough this was in his book and how much shame he felt. Dean needed a kidney transplant and none of the Hart brothers stepped up. Bret didn't want to derail his career. Though you can't blame anyone more than Dean himself, who was stubborn and often went against doctors orders, so even with a mew kidney, Dean may have still died.
Julie talks about continuing her partying and drug lifestyle into the early 90s when she would party with a local band and inviting them to live at her house. She said Bret was very understanding and never pushed her for details on those nights out. Some nights Bret would watch the kids all night while Julie was getting fucked up and partying.
On of those musicians, Marc, was very close with Julie and while Julie never says she hooked up, she does say her younger sister Michelle did hook up with Marc, a bunch of times in secret. She doesn't specify if this was before or after Michelle left Dynamite Kid, but she says Marc did move in with Michelle and help her with the kids. This would have been after Dynamite went back to UK, since I'm sure Dynamite would have kicked the door down and attempted to murder Marc if this were in the final months of of Michelle and Dynamite's marriage.
Julie's brother committed suicide and Julie didn't have the support system around to prevent her from spiraling into heavy drinking.
In 1996, Bret Hart was filming a movie (Sinbad) in South Africa and halfway through, asked Julie to come join him. Julie is very honest about how she was self sabatoging her life at this point but was still deeply in love with Bret. She was excited to read an early draft of some Shakespeare work that was at a museum, but Bret couldn't be bothered to go with her so she went by herself.
She says her and Bret shared a perfect moment watching the sun set, but Bret got mad at her when she decided to record it.
Julie describes sneaking cigarettes because Bret didn't know she picked the habbit up again.
The trip ended when Julie was asking Bret something but he just ignored her several times in a row. When she finally looked at what had his attention, she saw he was gawking at a topless sunbather on the beach. She stormed off to the hotel room after telling Bret to show her more respect than that. Julie says Bret followed her to the room, with him saying she always ruins these trips. When Julie started packing her bags, she says Bret pushed her hard onto the bed. She started spewing insults at him, before, she says, Bret grabbed her by the hair and threw her from the bed and onto the floor! Julie says she started crying and demanding that Bret get her home immediately or else she would find someone who would. Bret screamed at her "Get the fuck out! I've had it with you! We're fucking done! I will put you on a plane tonight, but don't expect to win me back!"
Having read Bret's book, he does mention the trip to South Africa where he filmed the Sinbad movie. But Bret makes no mention of inviting Julie on the trip and instead points out how it coincided with a WWF tour in South Africa at the same time. Bret does talk about how the Dutch found the area and how beautiful itnwas there, which was something Julie mentioned as well that Bret talked about. Bret does mention getting a lot of ladies phone numbers on the last few days of the trip and seeing a drunk Yokozuna swapping spit with some South African PR woman when they were both very drunk. Bret makes no mention of Julie being there or how he got physical with her.
The Hart's always try to shy away from controversial truths, just ask any one of them where Bruce Hart met his wife. They will all say at a wrestling show, and neglect to mention how Bruce Hart was a 33 year old substitute teacher who knocked up his 17 year old student. Gross. (I'll never not bring this up when talking about the Hart's btw)
Julie talks about Mathew Hart, Georgia and BJ's son who died in 1996 from Necrotizing Fasciitis, a legitimate flesh eating virus. From everyone's account, the poor boy suffered for 2 weeks until he died. Julie says she and Bret took their kids on vacation when the poor kid died. A lot of people act as though the Hart Family curse started at the Screwjob in 1997, but really it started with Dean in 1990 and Mathew in 1996.
Julie remembers how gleeful Bret was when he called her up and bragged about giving a drunken Vince McMahon his tag team finishing move. Julie warned Bret that Vince wasn't the type to forget that and she suspects that it played a part in the screwjob. This sounds silly imo but what do I know, I found it an interesting and unique take if nothing else.
Julie remembers the morning of the 1997 Survivor Series ppv, someone warned Bret that Vince and Shawn were seen the night before talking and getting into an elevator together.
Julie says she and her lawyer were sitting somewhere in the arena as the Montreal Screwjob happened. Julie says she got up, looking at the monitor and said, "Holy shit, that's not supposed to happen!" And her lawyer, also shocked, said, "No, it is not."
Julie says she and the layer had to sprint to catch up to Bret and Vince and she describes her scolding of Triple H and Shawn Michaels, saying the words just poured out of her. It's maybe the most memorable scene of that documentary, watching Triple H and HBK shrink into children as Julie dresses them down.
Julie says the 1997 holidays were anything but cheerful and says she was boozing a lot and doing coke "from time to time."
Julie wanted to get a nanny or house keeper but Bret refused and put his foot down on the subject.
Julie says Bret asked for a divorce in early 1998 and she handled it poorly. She is critical of her immediate response to run away from home and stay at a hotel. When she returned home for clothes, her confused daughter asked her what was going on and a rageful Julie said "Your dad wants a divorce and I can't stay in the same house as him anymore! Julie says she was so blinded by her anger she didn't see the damage she was doing then.
Julie says that the Wrestling with Shadow's documentary crew needed Julie and Bret to reshoot something that didn't come out right when they originally shot it. So Julie and Bret had to pretend to be a in a marriage again talking things out about Bret's career. Julie says her and Bret slept together after they shot the scene and she was hurt when Bret said afterward, "One for the road, I guess."
The next time she heard from Bret, he told her to get a lawyer because he had one already.
Julie says she and Bret spent many nights yelling at eachother over the phone, with Bret calling her a whore and saying he didn't take all those bumps so Julie to take all his money. This is a statement Bret would repeat a lot to Julie over the years of them fighting. He would call her a money grabbing whore and how he didn't take a bunch of bumps so Julie could end up with the money.
Just as Julie was ready to sign custody papers, Bret's personal assistant contacted Julie and told her that Bret had been seeing some girl in the States for months. The assistant said she felt guilty arranging their meetups behind Julie's back. Julie said she later told Bret that she isn't signing shit and she needed to contact her lawyers with the new developments. She said Bret first tried denying it, calling his assistant jealous and a liar. Then Bret blamed Julie because Bret said he "couldn't get past her traumatic past." What the fuck Bret, I'm pretty sure he is referring to Julie being sexually assaulted as a teenager. (He makes this clear later in the book) Then he bragged about his new girl looking better than Julie and being younger than Julie, with Bret also saying the kids will love the new girl. Bret even later said Julie was getting heavier and letting herself go.
Pretty wild story here. Julie says that Bret started neglecting the kids, even when he was in town, and often skipped out on seeing them altogether. For Canada Day 1998 Bret promised to take them out and to the fireworks. Julie says they waited all day, expecting a fun evening with their dad. But Bret didn't show up with their friend Dean, until after 9pm, (stoned and drunk according to Julie) after Julie tried to call Bret repeatedly and got no answer.
Julie isn't proud of this, but says before Bret arrived that night, Julie had sat the kids down and told them Bret was off smoking pot with a new girlfriend. Julie knew immediately she shouldn't have said it, she saw her kids starting to cry and knew she tarnished how they look at their dad.
Bret was pissed off that Julie decided to take the kids to the fireworks, and when Julie had herself and the kids in the car, an enraged Bret started punching the drivers side window until Julie agreed to get out and talk.
Bret grabbed and dragged her off around the corner of the house where Julie defiantly told him that the kids know he smokes pot and is seeing someone else.
Julie says Bret snapped, slammed her hard up against the wall and yelled, "You bitch! I hate you! I hate you!" Then Julie claims that Bret grabbed her by the throat and slammed her on the ground where he continued to choke her until their son Blade came around the corner and screamed at Bret to get off his mom!
As Julie was catching her breath, their friend Dean, who was still there and in shock, tried to help Julie up. Bret took off with their son Blade and a panicked Julie called the police. She foolishly said to the 911 opperater that her husband pro wrestler, Bret Hart, had taken her child againt her will. The police arrived and seemingly didn't know who Bret was, tried to get Julie to press charges. The police were able to call Bret and convince him to bring the kid to the police station, so the cops could bring him home. Bret makes no mention of this in his book.
Julie says Bret stopped by the next day and apologized and tried to ask her to sit down for coffee. Julie explained how they scarred their children for life the night prior and she wasn't interested in speaking to him in friendly terms yet.
Julie defends Bret a bit by saying she could see in person that she wasn't the cause of his anger and that he was just deeply angry and disappointed with things. This would be 1998 and even Bret describes how bitter and despondent he was at this time. Julie says he stopped being around the kids and it hurt them, especially their boys Blade and Dallas who started getting a chip on their shoulders and seeking conflict. One time Julie asked Dallas about Bret and Dallas said, "He never calls and is never around."
Julie says things were getting stable but she and Bret started secretly sleeping together again and complicated things. She says Bret would pick her up and drove to a seedy part of town before casually dropping her off at home after. She says she was initially amused by this but eventually began to wonder how many other women Bret does this with. It made her feel uncomfortable to say the least.
One time as she was being dropped off, Julie asked Bret if he was happy. Bret said no and that he couldn't get happy. Then Bret asked if Julie was seeing anyone, but didn't let her answer, he just said "of course you are." Julie realizes now that Bret was suffering some deep depression and at the time she mistook codependency for love.
Eventually Bret's other girlfriend caught wind of his and Julie's rendezvous and made Bret break things off. Julie could hear the woman on the other end of the line when Bret called to inform Julie that they need to set boundaries in their relationship now.
Julie says Bret once called her to say he tested for hepatitis and that Julie should get checked out as well.
Julie later found out that the girl Bret was seeing was nearly the same age as their daughter.
Julie says her and Bret continued to sleep together behind his girlfriends back though, with Bret always asking for "coffee" before making a move, which Julie always reciprocated.
Bret would break up with his girlfriend near the end of 1998 and ask Julie if he can spend the holidays with her and the kids. Julie relents, and soon they seem to be trying to salvage their relationship with Bret more present then he ever has been.
Soon after the new year, Bret and Julie take a trip together to Hawaii. Julie finally builds up the courage to ask Bret what he thinks of them getting back together, and Bret says he doesn't want to get "trapped" again. Julie snapped and said, "That's it I'm done, I can't keep playing these games with you!"
During this conversation, as Julie was walking away, Bret randomly said, "My therapist said that sometimes girls, like the ones your age when all that stuff happens to you, they like it." Julie burst into tears and ran out of the room. What the fuck Bret, to imply that that when his wife was a 16 year old girl, she liked getting r*ped!
Helen Hart died a few weeks after 9/11 in 2001. She was from New York, and Julie remembers how devastated Helen was following the September attacks. Helen went back to New York a few weeks later to visit her sister, but due to the border concerns, she was held up for hours after her plane landed back in Calgary. She wasn't able to reach her insulin and eventually went into a coma.
Helen was on an off ventilation a few times while at the hospital, and one day Alison (Bret's sister) called and told him to come visit asap, because Helen was back on a ventilator and it wasn't looking good. Bret thought Alison being an alarmist and decided to visit the next day. Julie says she wishes they had visited that night, because Helen passed away a few hours later.
One afternoon, Julie came home to find her son Dallas on the phone, when she asked him who he was speaking to, Dallas said, "It's dad, but he sounds drunk." Bret told Julie that he fell off his bike and couldn't get up. He wasn't speaking clearly and couldn't properly explain where he was. Julie and her daughter Beans, drove around looking for Bret based off his perception and directions.
Julie and Beans found him laying casually in the grass, as if he was resting. She said one of Bret's eyes was wide open and the other was closed, and half his mouth was dropping. She struggled to move him as he slurred his words and insisted he was fine. Eventually an ambulance was called and Bret was loaded in.
Julie says the stroke changed him, made him mooder and more depressed. She isn't casting judgment, just pointing out changes she noticed as she spent every day at the hospital with him, helping to feed and cloth Bret, even helping him to the bathroom.
Julie remembers one night that Bret confided in her that he feared he got a stroke as punishment for all the bad things he done. He told her that the morning he got a stroke, he was planning on signing the divorce papers.
Several months later, with Bret moving aorund more, he spent Easter with Julie and the kids, but Julie found an email from some woman in Italy, directed to Bret and it suggested some heavy sexual stuff. Julie felt stupid and used again. When she confronted him on it, he denied anything and she reluctantly believed him.
A week later as Bret prepared for a trip, she found a plane ticket to Italy, when she asked Bret where he was going, he said England. Julie drove him to the airport and told him to get the fuck out.
Bret went to Italy to be with a fan he met at a contract signing, who was obsessed with him since she was a little girl. Julie says she is exactly what Bret needed to feel like the Hitman again. After reading Bret's book, this assessment is completely accurate.
The Italian woman's name was Cynthia and she was also just a year older than Bret's daughter Jade. Julie said Jade had the hardest time accepting Cynthia, whom Bret was determined to integrate into the family.
When Bret's dad Stu died, Julie remembers how she, Bret and Stu's granddaughter Jenni all stood by the bed and watched as he passed. She remembers how she kissed his cheek and told him he could go see Helen now, he didn't need to be here and longer. I remember the speech Stu gave at Helen's funeral, with one line in particular staying with me, "I'm glad for the time I had with her," he said full of love, but his pain was on display too, "Ill never get over this" he finished solemnly, "I don't have enough time."
Julie remembers one day that their son Blade called her from Bret's house, begging for her to pick him up. Blade and Bret started arguing about Cynthia, with Bret saying to his own son, "Don't make me pick between you and Cynthia, because I'll pick Cynthia! And if you don't like it you can get the fuck out!"
Julie started calling Bret "Hitman" when he acted like this to his children, with Julie telling them that their father still loves him and not to worry about what The Hitman says, because it's coming from a broken mind.
One day after Julie bought a house, Bret randomly showed up with a turkey and tried to hit on her. Julie found it amusing and asked him if Cynthia knew he was there. Bret tried to make a move on her but Julie made it clear that won't happen so Bret left. As he left, he told Julie, "I still have cravings for you and I'm not sure I'll ever get over them." To which Julie just cooly responded with, "You will."
After Bret left that day, Julie called his assistant who confirmed that Cynthia was literally on a plane back to Italy right then. Julie laughed at how pathetic it was for Bret to say goodbye to Cynthia and then an hour or two later, show up at Julie's with a turkey and looking for sex.
Bret secretly married Cynthia and months later told the kids after the fact. Their son Blade was so furious he could barely speak to Julie when he got home and eventually blurted out, "Dad married that girl!" Their other son Dallas was also furious and explained how Bret callously told the kids "tell your mom, make sure you tell your mom." He was clearly trying to hurt Julie and used the kids to do so.
When Bret was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2006, Julie insisted on going and told Bret if he doesn't find a way for her to be there, then she would call Vince McMahon herself and arrange it. Bret promised her she would be there but asked her to be discreet about it.
Julie got asked to do an online interview leading up to the Hall of Fame, and she let slip that she would be at the show to support Bret. Later, an irate Bret called her, yelling about how she was supposed to be discreet. Julie clued in on the fact that Bret didn't tell his new wife yet about Julie coming and now he was in hot water. In the end, Bret refused to allow Julie to come to the Hall of Fame to support him.
In Bret's Hall of Fame speech, he just talked about his new wife and how Cynthia was there for him after his stroke and just put her over big. He didn't mention Julie and only mentioned 2 of his 4 children. She says her children were extremely hurt by this and calls it the ultimate betrayal.
Julie started running low on money in 2008 and even attempted to be on a reality show. It was all a BS scam though and she had to invest money into it and eventually it all fell through. She speaks of this with a bit of shame while framing it as something she learned from.
Julie was facing bankruptcy and foreclosure on the house, so as a last resort, she called Bret. She asked him for 9 grand to cover 3 mortgage payments so she can sell the house. Bret chastised her for having money problems before ultimately saying no. He suggested that she rent the house out or have the kids pay rent. As they left, Julie warned him that if she loses the house, Bret may need to take the kids at him place. She doesn't say what he said to this, but she does say, "His response was too cruel to put into writing." Good lord, considering all she told so far, I wonder what Bret said that was so bad, Julie didn't want to even write it down?
Julie does point out that Bret didn't owe her a damn thing and she was in this situation by her own doing. Julie felt like she was letting her kids down most of all.
Julie would move in with her daughter Beans where they split the rent together. She got a job making $14/hour working as a janitor at a local middle school and Julie notes that she was living well below the poverty line.
Julie remembers how absurd it was for her to show up to her janitor job driving a Lexus.
Julie ended up selling her Lexus to her daughter Beans, and Julie bought herself a 1999 Sunfire. It was the first car she ever bought with her own money.
Julie's father died in 2012 and Julie says she wrote a letter to him, promising to make him proud, and stuffed it inside his coffin.
Julie says she spends most of her days being a grandma to Jade's daughter and how grateful she is to be close to her kids still.
Bret can't say the same, Julie notes how he travels alone or with his wife and never offers invites to his kids. She says it breaks her heart to see how far Bret drifted away from their children, even if all her kids insist that they don't care. This was in 2013, so potentially Bret and his kinds could have a better relationship by now.
Julie spends the last several pages of the book detailing her kids and all the ways she loves them. You can tell she is a mother first and foremost, you can tell she loves them unconditionally. Jade, Dallas, Beans and Blade, weird names for kids but I also have a weird name so I can't judge.

Vote on a match featuring the detective teams allied against a masked vigilante having gone berserk!

(Shoutouts to u/ShimoDragon and Heart of the Rose for the match!)
Scenario: The Kamala Rose International, Vasitanagarh — 2:06PM
Weeks ago, in the very center of The Kamala Rose International lay the fantastical garden known as the Heart of the Rose, in the center of that garden stood a gazebo, and in the center of that gazebo was a table surrounded by four individuals in a heated discussion.
“That was sloppy work, Margherita!” Sulka slammed their fist against the table in an uncharacteristically loud fit of rage, “I told you to get rid of that man last week! Now because of your pointless delays he was able to leak that scandal to the news!”
“Hey hey, levati dai coglioni! I don’t appreciate the blame being thrown onto me here,” Margo threw up his arms in response, looking more annoyed than upset, “You never told me there was any urgency. Besides, it takes a bit of time to frame an accidental death. What, do you think you can just shoot a guy in the head and call it a suicide? You watch too many movies if you think that kind of thing can just happen overnight, mammalucco.”
“Do you even care that our operation here is in jeopardy now that that video is drawing prying eyes our way?!” Sulka almost spat at the italian man, “Your nonchalance is insulting!”
“Easy, Sulka,” Jim Peckle interjected, “Margo did his best. No way for him to know that things would turn this way.”
“You’re both right, actually,” Margo sneered, “I did my best, as I do with every job, but I honestly couldn’t care less if this little crime ring collapses. You lot are nothing more than a side hustle to me, my allegiances lie back in Italy. In other words, stop pestering me and vai a cagare.”
With a swish of his apron Margo left, leaving Sulka to smolder in a more recognizable quiet anger.
“That’s the last time we give him a time sensitive job, if you ask me,” Pluto spoke up for the first time since arriving (late), “The unwanted attention is a problem, don’t get me wrong, but I’m more concerned with how we even got to this in the first place, hey? That guy in the video was talking about missing people, Kiisseli. Just what the hell have you been up to?”
“Need I remind you, Hendrix,” Sulka’s cold gaze turned to meet Pluto’s, “that part of our arrangement involves the right to privacy. I do not intend to pry about what you use our resources for so I expect that you will do me the same decency.”
“Excuse me…?” Pluto straightened up from his relaxed position, “You don’t get to just shrug this off after bringing the feds to our damn doorste-”
“To be curt,” Sulka cut him off, “It’s none of your damn business, Pluto. So drop it.”
Behind Sulka’s back, Jim quietly scoped his nearest emergency exit.
Pluto’s vein bulged visibly at Sulka’s words, “You’ve got people paying attention to the airport cuz you’ve been pulling some shady bullshit and you just managed to get your ass handed to you by a cat and some whackjob in a mask, hey. Obviously this is my fucking business!”
“I may have been beaten by a “whackjob” as you put it,” Sulka slowly rose from their chair, “but I could certainly beat you if you’re going to keep acting like a thorn in my side.”
“You could beat who?” Pluto’s voice raised an octave in sheer frustration and confusion, “Trust me, you don’t want this smoke, Kiisseli.”
“What’s this about smoke?” Dark Disquiet shimmered into view and lit a fire in its palm behind Sulka as they spoke, “Because from where I stand you’re the only one who should fear getting burned, Hendrix.”
“This isn’t the time or place for a fight,” Jim stepped in between the two, holding up his hands. Behind his dark sunglasses, his eyes flicked cautiously over to Sulka. “Everything just goes up in flames. Nobody wins… Best cool things down and make peace.”
An uneasy silence hung over the gazebo until Pluto clicked his tongue in frustration, “Yeah. Fine. Better an ally than an enemy, I suppose. But let it be known that next time I have to deal with problems caused by your actions I’ll be expecting a damn good explanation, hey? Now I’m getting out of here before your self important face pisses me off any more than it already has.”
Once Pluto had left earshot, Sulka let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of their nose, “I hate to admit it but I too am in a state where I still need to rely on Hendrix’s assistance. Oh how I despise co-leadership…”
“I like having him around,” Jim replied, shrugging minutely, “He brings a lot to the Heart. He’s easygoing, and a lot more dedicated than he seems on the surface. It would be a shame to drive him away.”
“You’ve already deescalated the situation, Jim Peckle. Any further arbitration would be pointless, unless you mean to crawl your way back onto my good side. In which case you have a long way to go,” Sulka made a dispassionate gesture towards the exit, “You may leave as well, but don’t assume that this means you’re off the hook. You’ve not yet been forgiven for leaving me in the dirt and running off with that costumed clown after our fight.”
Jim hesitated for a moment before deciding to swallow his pride and take his own advice. Instead, he simply gave a light nod in response and scurried out of the gazebo.
For a time Sulka sat in silence, partially to gather their thoughts and partially to make sure their team members had cleared out. “Marko, Olli, come here now.”
Barely missing a beat, the Runoilija brothers ran in to greet Sulka, “Right here boss!” Marko, the bigger of the two, responded, “Sorry we weren’t here for the meeting–that kid you hired a while back was break dancing in the halls outside the garden and we were entranced by the little guy!”
“Enough!” Sulka was all too familiar with how the brothers could prattle on if left unchecked, “I didn’t call you over to have you discuss your simplistic entertainment. I have a job for the two of you.”
“Lay it on us boss, we’ll get it done in no time,” Olli rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
“To be more accurate it’s closer to a reassignment than a job,” Sulka tucked their hands behind their back, beginning to pace across the raised dais. “Thanks to this mess we’re in, I’ll be forced to decrease, if not totally halt, my… cultivation, we’ll call it, her at the Rose. In order to make up for the drop-off in offerings we will need to expand operations outside of the airport. I’ve already made the arrangements. Starting tomorrow, you two will be stationed at Club Naraka over in Port Konwar. You will remain vigilant for any and all stand users that enter the building. I don’t care how you do it but make sure you check every guest. Once you find a stand user you are to restrain them and call for me. This is by far the most promising location I’ve managed to get a hold of, so I am expecting big things. Are there any questions?”
“Uh, it’s a club, yeah?” Marko cocked his head, “That means there’ll be booze, right?”
“...Yes Marko,” Sulka sighed, “There will be drinks of all kinds.”
“Alright! We won’t let you down boss! You can count on us!” Olli beamed—and promptly tripped on Marko’s heels in his haste as the two of them rushed for the door.
Sulka sighed again, if that pair of fools weren’t so loyal they would’ve discarded them long ago.
Scenario: ???, ??? — 1:20 AM
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
Reese’s eyes slowly opened, his vision hazy. His head stung—that was the first thing he noticed, the dull throbbing pain in his temple. He couldn’t think straight. Where was he? Why was he here? What was-
God, his head.
“Ghhh...” He massaged his temples, blearily trying to force some sense into his brain. He was... Where was he...
Memories came back to him slowly, filtered through heavy bass and the scraping of a rusty fan overhead. He was looking for leads on something... His father was looking into Nightblooms... There were rumors of knowledgeable Stand users here... His teammates had told him not to go, but he-
The door creaked open, slamming against a dingy, degraded concrete wall. Reese lifted his head, slowly. His head felt like a ten ton weight on his shoulders. He could hardly see. What the fuck happened?
Through the now open door a stream of light poured in highlighting the silhouettes of two men. The bigger man on the right spoke first, “So this kid is the fresh meat, huh? And you’re sure he’s one of us this time?”
“Oh definitely,” The skinny man on the left replied, “This guy’s a stand user, no doubt about it.”
Reese could hear what the men were saying but his mind was covered in a fog and it was difficult to comprehend the words. Fresh meat? Stand user? Did these two bring him here? What did they want?
The skinny man kneeled down to bring himself face to face with Reese. Even in the darkness of the room he was close enough that Reese could make out his distinctly crooked nose , “I’m gonna make this real simple for you, pal. You see our boss is a very important person. They are the type with big plans that some people might not agree with. Because of that, they like to make powerful friends whenever possible. Friends like you, for example. For that very reason the boss is on their way here right now to meet you! I’m sure the two of you will get along great but I thought I should give you a bit of a warning. The boss doesn’t like it when their offer of friendship gets turned down, you see. There’s only one thing they hate more than that. Unnecessary risk. If they can’t have you as a friend… Well, I’m sure you’ll make the right choice once you meet them.”
“Uhhh, Olli?” The bigger one tapped the skinny man on the shoulder, “I don’t think this kid is hearing you. Look at his eyes, it’s like he’s still asleep.”
“Wha-?” Olli aggressively grabbed Reese’s head and forcefully opened his eyelids all the way to stare into the boy’s pupils, “Goddamnit, the drugs still haven’t worn off! Urgh, just put him back to sleep Marko. I’ll give him the speech again once he wakes up.”
Reese wanted to run or fight or something but he could barely move as the skinny man- Olli let go of his head. Drugs? Had these two drugged him? His mind was swimming with Olli’s monologue creating a whirlpool of words and phrases that he recognized but could not focus on. With every ounce of his available strength he lifted his body onto his elbows and looked up to his captors.
“W-wait a se-” He couldn’t even form a full sentence before the bigger man- Marko reeled back and threw out a punch.
There was a violent shake.
A loud thud.
And then black.
Scenario: Club Naraka, Port Konwar — 1:22 AM
Club Naraka was, if nothing else, accurately named.
When you first stepped into the subterranean hell pit of human desire, you were greeted with the thick smell of booze and cigarettes and other far less legal things. It had a way of overwhelming every sense, actually. Harsh lights strobed against the otherwise dim chambers of each floor, and the bass thumped hard enough to feel in your ribs. When you eventually found yourself in a place where it didn’t smell so harshly of booze, it was because it smelled like vomit instead, or some other thing you didn’t really want to figure out the source of.
Emile Gulati, 27 years old, stared with half lidded eyes at the air freshener she’d hung behind the bar, wishing with all of her heart that it actually worked. It was her last little rebellion against this place. She tried wearing earbuds, but she couldn’t hear her own music over the stuff they played in the club. She tried normal earplugs, but those hardly worked, and just made it harder to bartend. She considered nose plugs, but that’d just make her look weird - customers gave her enough shit already.
“Evening, bartender~.” A sleazy looking man had somehow wandered over to the bar without her noticing, splaying himself over the counter. Emile tried her best to hide her immediate disdain. “You, uh, wow, huh, eheh.” He pointed at her. “Nnnn~ice outfit. Eheh.”
She scowled.
“You gonna order something or what?” Emile made sure to step back a few feet. Best not to stand too close to guys like this - she’d learned that the hard way just a week ago. “I don’t work here as a fucking model. Get a drink.”
“Bitch.” The man sneered. “You people should be more agreeable. Tsch.” He wandered off, having seemingly forgotten what he came for in the first place. Emile sighed in relief. She idly looked back at the little bottle under the counter, and winced. She’d made a routine of reminding herself it was there and feeling like shit about it.
Being a bartender here was bad enough, but every now and then she’d get a lovely text from a higher up on the burner phone they’d given her to slip a few drops of that into their drink. Within moments a security guard would drag them away, leaving Emile with no explanation. Not that she was expecting one, granted. But she would’ve liked to know what exactly she was doing here. For closure, or something. Maybe.
Couldn’t pay rent in Mist City without a job, she reminded herself for the fourth time that night. The latest one really got to her - some bright eyed youngster filled with determination who was trying so hard not to look like he was there on some sort of mission. She had hope that whatever job it was would succeed, but that hope seemed to evaporate like a fine mist when she watched him disappear behind the elevator doors.
She rubbed her temples.
“...”
And exhaled. This place got in the way of her reason, the music keeping her from thinking. Was next month’s rent worth the people she’d screwed over? Hell if she knew.
“I’m taking my fifteen,” said Emile, to no one in particular. She marched away from the bar, stalking towards the elevator. When the doors closed behind her, she found herself blessed by something close to peace and quiet. It reassured her.
Equally reassuring was the golden coin beneath her feet, glinting in harsh LED light.
“...Lucky coin, huh?” She picked it up, admiring it for a moment before pressing down on the lowest button on the elevator keypad. She didn’t know what she was actually going to do - but it’d probably be better than doing nothing.
When the doors opened, Emile found the floor was completely barren. No one wandered through the dusty concrete halls; the only thing that gave her company was the thick, noxious smell that clung to the air. Preferring not to investigate its source, Emile began walking through the halls…until her eye caught on an open door. Unsure where else to go, she peeked inside.
Curled on the cold floor was a body. Emile’s stomach dropped–until she saw movement in the person’s chest. Still alive. That she could work with. Rushing over, Emile knelt next to the unconscious person, as she had with countless blackout drunks. She made sure he was on his side, and then gently stirred him until he woke. All the while, dread tangled her organs in knots. Who would do such a thing? Why? Still, the answers didn’t matter. What mattered is that something was very wrong with this place, and they needed to leave as fast as possible.
Yet, when the young man opened his eyes, he didn’t look at her with shock or fear, but anger. A righteous fury that had him just about jumping to his feet.
“Woah! Woah, settle down, you were unconscious, your body needs time-” Emile began, before the man shook his head. That alone seemed to dizzy him, as he braced himself against the wall.
“I don’t have time. I need to- I can’t have been the only one. I need to-”
Emile stepped closer, trying to put a hand on his shoulder, but he immediately bristled at the touch, as if on reflex.
“You’re hurt- look, man… something’s up with this place. We need to get out of here.”
But he just shrugged her off, moving towards the nearest unlocked door. Without hesitation, he flung it open, frantically looking for other survivors. Yet, what he and Emile found…were rows of bathtubs. That horrid, sharpened smell was even stronger now, nearly overwhelming. It was all Reese could do to not keel over. Instead, Emile moved to support him, and the two crept closer, peering over the edge.
Inside the tub, something boiled, bubbled, churned.
The thing inside could barely be called human. The acid gnawed at the corpse like a desperate, starving animal, stripping the charred flesh off of its bones. Unable to support itself, it collapsed further, head sinking under the liquid. Soon, its blank, lifeless expression was stripped down to its gleaming bone. Gone. All gone.
Reese felt like he was standing in a tunnel. Lightless. Empty. Infinite. The feeling of Emile letting go, the sound of sharp retching, something splattering against the tile, all of it was muffled.
What cruel animal is man.
It was the twin jolts of fear and rage that hit him like an IED. Pounding adrenaline restarted his heart, clicking the world into focus. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Emile heaving, shuddering, pulling at her hair. All the unconscious drunkards, for all the rowdy bar fights, none of it could have prepared her for these horrors. That adrenaline pumped through her in turn, she could feel that fear grow sharp and jagged-
She could feel something take that fear, guiding it towards a sound. Footsteps. Reese didn’t seem to hear them, only her. She tried to speak- nothing. No sound could escape her lips. The fear that gripped her chest was unlike anything she had ever felt before. She couldn’t make a whisper but with the full force of her adrenaline she could still move.
The next few moments were a blur. A bottle on a shelf, shouting from the previous room, a desperate lunge, and the distinct sound of rending flesh. Suddenly everything was vivid and clear again. She felt the guards blood trickle through her fingers as Emile looked down and witnessed what she had done. The bottle had become a knife, and she had stabbed someone.
The guard fell to the ground as Emile stared at her shaking, blood stained hands, “I- that wasn’t- I didn’t mean-” She was stammering all while Reese watched on in silent shock.
“He’s not dead Emile,” a feminine voice echoed through her skull, “You have to finish it. You have to make sure.”
Her eyes darted from one end of the room to the other, trying desperately to find the source, but the longer she delayed the louder it got.
“Kill him. Kill Him. KILL HIM. KILL HIM.”
What happens when an animal is backed into a corner?
It attacks.
Suddenly, something in Emile snapped- no, it shattered like a broken bottle. A low scream escaped her throat betwixt clenched jaws as she savaged upon the barely breathing man.The knife became her teeth, raised into the air and plunged into red flesh. A wet schlllrk rang as she pulled it back out, only to bury it down again and again and again.
Reese moved quickly, instinctually- tackling her to the ground. A desperate move- to break this haze that she was in, end whatever vile urge had overcome her.
His eyes widened as they tumbled onto the floor, spotting several pairs of feet. Guards. He had tackled them into the direct view of more guards.
”Shit.”
A snapping noise split the air. An ethereal crocodile came from the ether, ready to defend its user.
A cornered animal attacked.
Meanwhile in the upper floors of the club the Runoilija brothers sat at a bar. Olli casually nursed an elaborate cocktail as he criticized his larger brother, “I think you hit that guy a little too hard, he should be awake again by now but there’s no news from the guards… You better not have killed him by accident like that last guy, Sulka’s already pissed enough at us as is.”
“That was not my fault!” Marko slammed his beer mug on the counter, “That last one wouldn’t stay down, so I just kept hitting him until he did. How was I supposed to know that he’d die so easily!”
“You literally just gave a textbook description of negligence, you moron. Of course it was your fault!” Olli smacked Marko on the side of his head to emphasize his point.
“Why’d you always gotta hit me…” Marko grumbled as he rubbed his head, “If you’re so sure that I’m the moron then let's bet on whether the fresh meat has gone cold or not. Whoever loses pays for the other’s drinks for the rest of the night.”
“Alright deal,” Olli snickered as they shook hands, “I’ll go take a look.”
Olli’s hand restlessly gripped the switchblade in his pocket as he descended through the floors of the nightclub. He fully intended to finish off the drugged up kid in the basement, assuming he refused to work for the boss like most did. He would pin the blame on his dumbass brother and have him pay for his drinks for the whole night. A win-win scenario.
Suddenly, a vibration from his phone. An update from the guards:
The prisoner got out. There are two of them now.
Marko received the same message back at the bar above. In a fit of rage he chucked his mug of beer at the wall with his full strength, just barely missing the skull of the bartender who was serving him. Before he had a chance to cause any more senseless damage another message addressed to himself and all the other guards came through, this time from his brother.
Find them both, NOW! Kill them if you have to, just make sure they don’t leave! If they’re gone when Sulka gets here we’ll all be fucked!
Marko stood up from the bar and began to push through the flirting couples and stumbling drunkards of the nightclub as his Ultraviolet materialized. The fresh meat had a helper and the two were trying to scurry away like rats? That was fine by him. Marko specialized in hunting down rats.

The music seemed to distort more intensely the longer Reese listened. Maybe it was the dull ache of the base, punctuated by a hundred frenzied footfalls, a rhythm that toppled over itself. Maybe it was the rage that sent his own heart racing. He could feel it pound against ｢Magenta Mountain｣ as he held the hourglass close to his chest. Still, there was no time to rest.
Finally, the two of them found the source of the noise. A dark, dingy dancefloor. It stunk of sweat and mildew, and the dancing bodies seemed to twist in the low light. Even as the two entered, splattered in blood, no one took notice. They were too caught up in dance, alcohol, god knows what else. In this moment of respite, Reese turned to Emile. Her gaze was as vacant as his own, she seemed to look right past him.
“Hey, focus.” Impatience had made his voice sharp. There wasn’t time for niceties, not for her. Emile’s eyes readjusted, finding him. In the dark, he could not see that was shone in her expression wasn’t malice, but fear.
“What the hell was that!?” he pressed. She shrunk away in turn.
“...I had to get out.”
“I know that,” Reese frowned, “We’re in the same boat. But that’s not an excuse- I could have helped! You didn’t have to-”
“I have to get out,” Emile continued. Her gaze went past him yet again. Her body shuddered. “Please, please just let me out. I’ll do anything, anything you want, I can’t stand this hell- just let me out!”
“I…” Reese swallowed, hugging his Stand tight. “What?”
His mind reeled, trying to process his next steps. This woman was unstable, that was clear. Unstable, violent, dangerous—not just to others, but herself. If Reese allowed her to simply leave, without understanding what was happening, who knew how many would suffer? Yet, the crowd shifted in strange ways, the beat becoming frantic, the music growing warped and mutilated. Should he stop the woman? Should he protect her from these maddening halls? What should he do? What should he do?
The moment Reese looked up, trying to make a call–Emile was gone. She had vanished deep into the crowd, following that horrid, golden voice. The music reminded Reese of the howl of coyotes in the night. The raucous celebrations of beasts who found their meal.
Against his beating heart, he felt ｢Magenta Mountain｣. Inside those grains lay the vast expanse of evolution, and its uniting link: the will to survive at any cost. His beasts had all failed, each one had faced death, and lost. At this moment, Reese understood them. He knew what it was to be a cornered animal. He would deal with the moral quandaries of man once he escaped. But first, he had to escape. The grains of sand were slipping through the hourglass. He knew he would not die like all those beasts that came before him. He would escape. He would survive. He had to.
Nothing else mattered.
Lost in the crowd, he and Emile reached that same conclusion.
Nothing else mattered.
Open the Game.
Location: Club Naraka, with the players currently on the second basement floor. Throughout the stage, the brown sections of the map are doors, furniture, lockers, crates, and whatever makes sense for the location. The players may interpret the map to read furniture as what would make sense for the location and may find any items that would be reasonable to find in that area of a club; if these ever would conflict in strategies, treat both readings as, somehow, correct.
Green circles are guards, each of which have 333 physicals, Guard: 3, and Basic Weapon Use: 3. These are overall competent operatives who aren’t going to be utterly trivial to get past, and each is armed with a handgun loaded with 9mm bullets and a baton.
The 2nd basement floor has MARKOV on one side in the bar, and Reese on the other in the boiler room. A few guards are already on the map; neither has immediate line of sight on either player.
North of MARKOV is a storage closet, which opens into a bathroom. North of this is the backrooms of the club, with the currently full dance floor in the middle. North of the boiler rooms is the security guard room, and at the far northeast of the map is the office of the club’s owner, filled with various trophies.
Of note for Reese, there are a few dead rats (purple triangles) in the boiler room, and a piece of coral (purple circle) in the office. This chunk of coral is 8 kg, and when reanimated by ｢Magenta Mountain｣ forms as a sort of hemisphere 2m across and 1.5m high.
The 1st basement floor is mostly for club business, with speakers and various technical material spread around. Of note, the many, many guards on the south of the first level will, if the players choose not to fight through the closest stairways, slowly fill into the lowest level, chasing the players. In essence, there will be significantly less guards around the stairs to the ground floor if the players take the longer path.
Finally, the Ground Floor is an open warehouse space with no traditional obstacles- as everything in this room is currently floating airborne, with a gloating Sulka armed with a fire extinguisher acting as the final obstacle. Between Sulka’s mobility, their guards acting as easier targets, and the needs of the match, they may not be RETIRED, but attacks launched at them will temporarily distract them and force them to block or avoid them. Otherwise, Sulka will alternate between launching single massive crates and flurries of small objects at the players as they fight their way through the ground floor, up to the doors at the north.
Goal: Fight your way out of Club Naraka! In particular, leave the club in better shape than your opponent.
While combat is allowed and expected, for the most part guards won’t leave too far from their base location; they can be snuck past. The winner of the match is who gets out of the club in the overall best condition.
Combat between players with the intent or foreseeable result of RETIREMENT is not recommended, though other types of interference are.
Additional Information: MARKOV’s current user is Emile Gulati, who has 233 physicals and 3 Bartending; Bartending gives Emile a thorough understanding of the layout of the club as well as preternatural skill in being able to throw around glass bottles or other similarly hefty items.
As for other NPCs besides the guards, the clubgoers have 222 physicals, Ignoring Any Chaos Around Them 5, and Mostly Irrelevant To The Match 4. Essentially they can act as a sort of cover in the dance floor, but besides hiding among them, don’t worry about anyone besides guards too much.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
Gallery of Wayward Reverie	Markov	“Come on, what are you doing anyway? Calm down—got up on the wrong side of the bed or something?” Use a variety of tools, items, and tactics during your escape!
I.M.P.A.C.T.	Reese McGuffin	“What I have to do is look for the bone using my strings…” Use a variety of tools, items, and tactics during your escape!

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made this for my narrative essay in american literature, but one of my friends said i should share the story
“But I Still Need You” Throughout my life, I had always fallen easy for girls. The elementary mindset of, “she’s cute, so I have a crush on her,” prevented me from developing a legitimate relationship with any girl I tried to talk to. The few times that my feelings were reciprocated, I had no idea because I was already on to the next girl, and this continued until I was left with a multitude of friend-zone situations and a list of “crushes.” My charisma already lacking, it seemed each year that passed, previous to 3rd grade, I grew in weight and therefore awkwardness. The struggle to interact with women lessened as I grew up, while the fat remained. So, by the 8th grade I was the ideal guy friend; easy to talk to, kinda funny, understanding, and unintimidating. My approachable “funny fat friend” nature had its ups and downs. While guys, for reasons I still don’t fully understand, suspected me to be gay, girls found it intriguing and it made them want to be friends with me more. Back then I didn’t know, but now I know that by being forced to be friends first, after finding out I was in fact not gay, the right woman for me would want to be with me for my personality. In the winter of 2021, I fell hard for a girl named Madeline. Maddie was no different than many of the other girls in that she had a bland personality and I thought she was cute. She had brunette hair with bangs, big glasses, way too much makeup on, and a unique fashion sense. Her sense of fashion was one of the few interesting things about her, yet it was disregarded by the public. Not too many guys found her appealing, but I did, for whatever reason. I was dead set on getting to know her better in hope of becoming more than friends. Unfortunately, she hardly paid attention to me, but I didn’t give up. I merely slowed down because of my interest in her friend, Isabella. Isabella is the Spanish and Italian variation of Elizabeth (derived from the Hebrew name Elisheba). The meaning of Elishiba can be translated to, “God is my oath.” In Arabic, the beginning of Isabella, “Isa,” is the classical Arabic name for Jesus, while in the French language, the shortened version of Isabella, “Belle,” translates to “beautiful.” I had met Isabella in the sixth grade, and grew a tiny crush on her, in the elementary sense, before we all went into hibernation (COVID). I barely knew her though, and she had no idea who I was, so when we interacted in my last two classes, if we did at all, it was like two strangers who kept running into each other. I sat by her in my sixth period, and one seat up and to the right from her in seventh. We only ever made small talk and the occasional joke, but when I spoke with her I felt content. Still barely knowing her, all I could admire was the little things in the way she laughed and spoke. I longed to know more about Isabella, she was mature, intelligent, and very opinionated, but still light-hearted and made time pass at the speed of light. It wasn’t until she was in my group in sixth period one day that she began to open up a little by sharing the details of her current long-distance relationship. The shards of my heart stabbed and crushed my stomach; hope, the oxygen to my mind, depleted faster than the air of a broken space shuttle; palpitation, nausea, asphyxia, and neurosis bombarded me like Persian arrows on the Greeks. Then, all at once, the excruciating tidal wave evaporated, but instead of calm waters, I was left with a drought. Every emotion muted or gone, my body went numb while everything I cared for vanished from my mind. I didn’t speak throughout the rest of that day, and went directly from the bus to decaying in my bed. I was devastated, so I retreated to my pointless crush on Maddie. Unrelated to the rather sad lovelife, my anxiety and depression worsened throughout 8th grade, and while I was going to therapy, most of my issues wouldn’t and still haven’t been worked through. Throughout the school year I had developed a toxic system of self pity, in which I would spend hours a day cycling through the feelings of hope, anger, and despair- never that of joy. I knew what I was doing, gathering enough hope to face the school day just before I reflected on the doubts and grievances going on throughout my life. I’d bring myself up just for a greater fall because honestly, overtime I became numb to the natural pain. If I were going to fall into the pit that is depression, the higher I peaked in terms of optimism the more excruciating the freefall of nausea and the heavy flow of salt water. At that point in my life, I saw no point in getting out of bed to do anything, school or even my own mother’s birthday. By the end of eighth grade I had spent almost a total of six weeks absent, two of which were from me being quarantined. Typically over the span of one or two days, others up to four, I would be in my bed “sick.” During these mini-vacations I would sleep all morning, if my mom let me, and stay up all night, oftentimes listening to Radiohead or Cigarettes After Sex while staring at my ceiling. I wanted to stay up, I wanted to feel the bags grabbing and pulling towards my cheekbone, I wanted to feel empty, emotionally and physically. During the day, my anxiety attacks became panic attacks and I would get sent home for vomiting. I'd throw up to give Mom a reason to let me stay home. I’d throw up to feel something, anything. I’d throw up to keep my stomach empty. I’d throw up because I had to, because the nerves and overthinking forced me to. Every morning, I’d drag my black air force ones across cement, carpet, tiles, and marble, each step leading towards Mrs. Clements’ homeroom. For every step, a different worry or insecurity flashed through my brain. But then, out of the blue, I’m “Lincoln” again. I walk into homeroom with an ear-to-ear grin and dap up “the boys”. I’d spend the morning building up hopes of making Isabella laugh today, or maybe calling her once I got home, but I knew that nine times out of ten my hopes were delusional. To “Lincoln,” this was no problem, he would make a gay joke, join the boys with teasing a cute girl in my class, and laugh until just for a moment, the despair was gone. Finally, the sixth period would come and I’d get to see Isabella. In here I got the least work done out of all my classes as I would find myself strategically planning my next interaction with her, just for said plans to go out the window when I was brought face to face with her. Typically seventh period followed the same pattern except Ms. Shirley Davis could never allow small talk in her classroom. When the last bell rang, I went straight to the buses. I’d sleep on the way home, dreaming of a call that would hardly happen. On the off chance my phone didn’t reach its feared 11th cry, we’d talk for hours at a time. On a weekday or not, it seemed that, when we did call, it was guaranteed to go into the early morning. It’s hard to put my finger on a specific topic, or even general. In our conversations, we discussed anything and everything. Everything, except her own love interest. I admired this, as my inability to keep who I’m thinking about at the time a secret is a major flaw of mine. The more that me and her spoke, the more I grew to love her. Our talks were so honest, so raw, that the secret I held began to eat away at me. My core collapsing like a dying star, each day it felt like the pain got worse. To cope with the feelings I had buried deep inside me, I’d turn to my friends. At first, they said to come forward with my feelings, but I knew that’s what any friend would’ve said. The relief I got from venting the conflicting hurricane within me was brief. Overtime, their words of encouragement turned to annoyance, and understandably so. When people grew sick of the same old sadistic untold love, I turned to Isabella. I wrote a text so full that, to read it, one needed to tap on an arrow at the bottom right corner of my message. The essay was compiled with the confliction I had, developing feelings for a friend, and the sorrow that filled me each day that passed without her. I described the perfect imperfections that I admired about her, how life was complete when I spoke to her, the beauty that paralyzed me every time I saw her in person, and the character that I felt God had curated specifically for me. Sitting there unsure if I should press send, a fear grew within my chest that Isabella would see right through me. I could hear the music that so often triggered tears; the vocals of Thom Yorke or the beats of Kanye West, they faded in and out. What if she didn’t even respond? What if she thought I was a creep? What if- then she responded. Suddenly, the ominous 808s & Heartbreak pounding vanished, my respiratory chaos became paralyzed, and time stood still. I couldn’t breathe until I finished reading, and once I did, my sigh was all but relieving. Isabella explained to me how unhealthy my habits were; even in comparison to the anguish that would follow, I’d suffer far more and far longer should I suppress my emotions. She told me how that level of affection, in the context of the warped concept of romance most men had, was something she had only dreamt of. Isabella said that holding these feelings would eat away at me, exponentially increasing in severity, until I broke. Not only would I be hurting myself, but I would be depriving the person I care about most from the appreciation they deserve. I became bloated with fear of the friendzone, those insecurities, all based upon inference, became a reality with Isabella’s last piece of advice. She said, “If she doesn’t reciprocate those emotions, then don’t worry. I’m sure there’s a girl out there who can appreciate your compassion.” The blame had no other place to go than my shoulders, after all, I got what I asked for, advice on another girl. Isabella, even if she saw the crush I had on her, is far too kind to address it. She cared for everyone, and to her, she was merely boosting up a friend who’s down. For the rest of the night her text echoed through my mind; pain, regret, and admiration caused my mind to sporadically leap from conclusion to conclusion. Two years later, those words still haunt me, reiterations of that phrase torturing me when I least expect them. The school year progressed, but my aspirations with Isabella didn’t. Over time, the frequency of my writings grew to be weekly, at times reaching two a week, and the weight of my confessions depleted. I opened my audience to a mutual friend of Isabella’s, Miley, with the intention of acquiring useful advice. Eventually, my choice to try concealing what I felt for Isabella became too heavy of a burden, weighing down on me in forces I had not endured before. Soon, the love I had for Isabella turned to hatred for myself. I was relentlessly criticizing every aspect of myself and my mind. I hated how fat I was, my smile, my voice, my laugh, and most of all my personality. What I had thought was my greatest strength, was revealed as my worst trait. The gullibility I exhibited when thinking for a second Isabella could possibly like me; the lack of confidence that caused me to chicken out of confessing my feelings to her; my insufferable need to make people laugh; the hyperfixation I would develop for those that I love. Everything about me was wrong. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped caring, and eventually I stopped living. The “Lincoln” my friends had grown to recognize, the only remnant of the joy I felt when I was younger, died, and I was left with only my love for Isabella and resentment for myself. I began testing the limits of what was left of me, praying for relief. At first in the middle of the night, an anaconda would find its way to my throat, wrapping around my neck. Its cold black scales gracefully gliding across my skin before silencing my cries with the swift tug of its metallic USB head. The snake would maintain pressure until I let go of it, the entire time whispering into my ear, begging me to hold on. Some nights it came with what must have been a full stomach for it was drastically wider, it was brown these nights, with leather skin, and a slight warmth, but it behaved the same. Most visits from the snake ended with my vision blurry, my breath short, or my head dizzy. The only consistency of our transactions was Asia’s Death Lake that streamed down my face from start to finish. Eventually, the snake seemed closer and closer to silencing me forever, but I also became used to its visits. I began writing letters to everyone I loved so that, should the snake come out victorious, they’d have a final goodbye. Once I had sorted out my notes, I called the snake to my room. This time it came striped with shades of blue, its skin a soft fabric. For once, I controlled the snake, because our intentions finally aligned. I locked the door, sent out my texts, placed the written notes on my dresser, and joined the snake at my closet door. Holding onto the doorknob, the snake wrapped itself around my neck just as it had done in nights of the past. It whispered to me, “let go,” for I had been on my knees in hesitation. I followed the snake’s order by making a sort of plank with my body, the bottom half resting on a stack of dirty laundry and pillows while the top was supported by my elbows. Pressure swiftly fell down on my neck and didn’t stop. “This is it,” I thought to myself. My eyes seemed to pop out of my skull, and my tears, falling down like summer rain, became blurry dots as my vision went dark. Next thing I know, I’m waking up, snot, saliva, and tears strung between my face and the carpet floor. My head pounding and my eyes burning, I looked up at the “snake” that was the tie my mom had gotten me for Sunday service. Although my mind was more clear, it was not out of revelation, but from a muted sense of the world around me. Other than Isabella, nothing mattered anymore, and the little emotion I felt was squashed by my immortal love. The following day I get called to the counselors office on charges of suicidal thoughts and self harm. I said what I had to in order to escape her grasp, but left infuriated. Not only had my own friends betrayed me, but the lady who was supposed to guide me essentially scolded me for being sad. Throughout the day my anger faded out and my focus became making an excuse as to why my parents got a weird call from my counselor, then I’d find the traitor who sold me out. That afternoon, I lost two friends, and for the first time ever got mad at Isabella. Apparently, Miley, Maddie, and Isabella all reported me to the counselor that morning. They said I had been traumatizing them with what was going on in my life, being normal and messing around at school, then detailing my thoughts and actions to them outside of school. I felt like I had been tricked. I thought they were my friends. I thought they understood me. They asked me if I was okay, they said they wanted, cared, needed to know, but now I had scared them? I addressed what had happened with Miley first. She immediately lashed out at me, saying I should be thanking them, not be mad. While I didn’t want to accept it, I understood the core of her choices. On the other hand, Maddie’s response to my confrontation was disgustingly cruel. She said I had been unfair and just seeking attention, that no thirteen to fourteen year old should hear about what I was going through because it was unnatural. Before she continued, I apologized, that’s all I could think to do, because deep down I believed her. She told me it wasn’t all my fault because my brain was messed up, and that opening up to the girls would only make them not want to be friends with me. The one word that rang through my head then, and still does today, was “creep,” she claimed that what I felt wasn’t love, but I was just mentally unstable and creepy. Any remnants of the sweet kid from elementary school who just wanted a friend and loved everyone were obliterated. Maddie was right, all I had done was hurt and scare them, it didn’t matter what I thought. I told her all I could, that I didn’t know what to say other than I was sorry for the damage I had done, and I would try and get better. Her response, like a branding iron on my mind, was, “It’s not damage, it’s baggage. Imagine if the roles were reversed.” It was only then that I stopped texting back. I wish I could say it was out of frustration or self respect, but the reality of my manipulative traits is what silenced me. Shockingly, the response that hurt the most was from Isabella, yet it somehow meant the most to me too. Isabella told me that she needed me in the world. She told me that if I ever got those thoughts again, to think about her as well; to think about the pain I’d be causing her; to think about the trauma she’d live with for the rest of her life. After repeating the phrase, “I need you in my life,” she acknowledged how selfish it was, but still didn’t care. Isabella continued elaborating, she didn’t care because no label of selfishness outweighed the value of my life. What she said that night has been vivid in my mind since, but my only wish is that she had needed me as I needed her. Tears began to hide my freckled cheeks as I texted her about how much her words meant to me, how much she meant to me, and I apologized to her. I said sorry for the baggage I caused, the “creepy” behavior, and any other ways I had wronged her. I said sorry for loving her, and told her I’d do better. She disregarded my apologies, telling me that I could always talk to her because no matter the baggage she could carry, it’d be worth taking the smallest bit off of me. Her words meant so much to me, yet hurt me just the same. I hated myself for it. I couldn’t see a life without an affection for her, it was pathetic. If I truly loved her, I’d let my feelings go, right? What kind of person did that make me? Summer came and went. Hoping that time would kill the crush I had on Isabella, I prohibited myself from contacting her. Instead I spent time with my family and a few friends, but Isabella never left my head. Even when accompanying my dad to Berry College for the Governor’s Honors Program, she’s what filled my head. At first I felt frustrated because before I had come forward to her, she had known about the feelings I had. I came to the conclusion that she had been dragging me along, but even then I knew how easily that thought would be abandoned. First day of High school, I got in touch with her. For maybe two weeks, I maintained a platonic relationship before free falling into the ominous pit once again. This time felt different though, it felt like what I had thought about everyday, for what seemed eternity, could be more than a daydream. We texted each other throughout the school day and facetimed after her cheer practice and my band practice. Eventually, Isabella was falling asleep on call. Before, we’d talk long into the night, and it began to drain the energy out of the both of us. Now, we were listening to music, playing Roblox, watching Netflix, or just sitting in silence. I had never felt comfortable with silence, but she made it seem better than having a conversation with anyone else. It’s a beautiful thing when words aren’t required to appreciate someone. The moment I had the courage to do so, I asked her out to Steak n’ Shake. It’s just my luck that the restaurant was hardly a shell of what I remembered as a kid. At first the conversation was awkward because we hardly spoke in person, but as time progressed so did we. I still remember the tightness of my cheeks as I failed to suppress my ear-to-ear grin. The euphoric nausea and beating heart that disappeared throughout our conversation. I remember the booth we sat in, the fact that she wanted me to swap seats with her because of her creaky seat, the way she giggled, how I fought tooth and nail to pay for such a small bill, the way she smiled when she said, “next time you’ve gotta let me pay,” and the shared excitement for our next hangout. Even though Isabella and I were still friends, even though the restaurant was a disaster, even though the fries were stale and the milkshakes chunky, that moment is one of the best in my life. With how well things were going, I thought that it was my best chance at making something more out of this friendship. So, I shot my shot. I told her that despite my efforts the summer before, she still held a special place in my heart. Isabella responded with her own struggles with recovering from a past relationship, detailing the trust issues and pain she still felt almost a year later. I was yet again, devastated. Then she added that despite her own feelings, she had to be careful and the risk of losing our friendship scared her. I understood her reasoning, but it made me sick to think of how close I was. In response, I expressed how I could relate to those feelings, and the conflict I had with them. It felt ridiculous having opened myself up once again, to just be friendzoned. Her response struck me with both hope and devastation, “I f*cking love you a ton Lincoln, but I’m struggling to differentiate my admiration as a friend and as something more. I’m terrified of losing you.” Previously I would have seen this as a sign to keep trying, but at that moment, I couldn’t see past the blatant friendzoning. After pursuing her for so long, it felt cruel of her to continue dragging me along like this, even though she was being honest. My reaction to the straw that broke the camel’s back is one of, if not, the biggest regrets in life. Homecoming was a little over a week away and she was going (as friends) with my buddy, Davis, so in a storm of hatred for myself and the situation I was in, I gave up on her. Our conversations grew to be minimal and far apart. Soon, I started to resent her. Each day since then, I have somehow felt more remorse than the last for not asking her to Homecoming. Homecoming night is when I began flirting with Claire, a sweet redhead from gym class. We connected on not going with the person we had hoped for. All it took was me joking that I should’ve spent more time around her, instead of leaving the dance early, for Claire to lose her mind. Over the next month or so, I was becoming closer and closer with Claire, despite her irritable “quirks”. I only spoke to Isabella if she reached out to me first with the only exception being when I would ask her for “advice” about Claire, which was a shameful habit I started as petty revenge on Isabella. Eventually, Isabella blocked me on Snapchat, but it didn’t matter. Things with me and Claire were going great, she made me feel like I didn’t need to starve myself to be good enough for her. She made me feel like I was enough. For the next two and a half months, life was great. After the first couple months of ignorant bliss, I was sick of her. Sure, there were a variety of reasons to find her annoying, most people I knew could list more than they have fingers and toes, but she didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have gotten into the relationship in the first place not only because of Isabella, but also the speed at which me and Claire started dating. She was still growing out of the elementary relationship phase, so while it was nice to connect with someone so quickly, it was rushed. Another issue being that I was her first real boyfriend, the baggage that followed me was detrimental to her and I couldn’t give her the attention she needed. As me and Claire began our month long drift apart, I was unblocked by Isabella. She and I caught up, and we quickly began to talk trash about Claire while on call. It was unbelievably toxic, and I’m embarrassed of how I handled things to this day. Eventually, with the support of Isabella, I decided it was time to break up. The only issue was the guilt I had in such a terrible choice, I could never do it. So I began to get more distant by the day, ignored texts and calls, and stopped walking her to classes because “I had to pee.” Eventually she caught wind of my plans and called me after school one day. Sobbing, she told me what she had heard and how she knew it wasn’t true, but it still worried her. I began to get ready to break the news, but she was already crying so what's the worst that could happen? I wish I had never asked myself that, because next she told me she’d been cutting herself. My heart sank in remorse for what I knew I would do. If I led her on longer, the aftermath of my cold actions would lead to even more catastrophe. I was scared, but knew the lesser of the two evils I had to pick from. I calmed her down, quickly notified her friends to be keeping an eye on her, and then dumped her. To this day, I am disgusted by my actions. Throughout the past three months, Claire expressed how she had loved and trusted me, yet I threw that all away. There are so many ways I could’ve handled the situation differently, but two stood out the most. Showing respect by speaking to Claire the moment I realized my feelings had fleeted was the bare minimum that I disregarded, but the second was far simpler. I had known from the start that I was still in love with Isabella and that love never faded, but was only suppressed. The entire relationship we developed, while we both enjoyed parts of it (her more than me), was a lie, and essentially a cruel joke played on Claire. There’s no excuse for my actions, and even worse, I could’ve cared less back then. It was only when time had passed that I began to understand the damage I had done. Without Claire holding me back, my newfound freedom led to a closer friendship with Isabella. I dove headfirst into the familiar pit all over again. A friendship was not enough, I appreciated every interaction I had with Isabella, but my life depended on a future with her. It’s likely she felt this as she slowly began to drift away from me. Before I had stayed up speaking to Isabella, but now I couldn’t sleep out of the tormenting absence of her voice. The only path to good health was time; distance was best for the both of us, and I knew it. For the rest of that school year, everything around me was going, but I stood still. It was like my life was just a sitcom, and I was no longer the main character. The summer that followed was just the same, I was living but dead, moving but still, speaking but silent. I was dissociating from my friends and family, but the absence of that violent snake made my depression insignificant. Living a life without her was more punishment than death itself, and I didn’t deserve relief. Even now, I think of that summer and remember almost nothing, for my life isn’t worth remembering without Isabella in it. Sophomore year began, and so did my conversations with Isabella. This go around, I was subtle with my feelings for her. The excitement I had for speaking with her was under control, but it was because the spark inside me had faded, even when it came to Isabella.The years of self pity and depression had left a toll on me that could never be reversed, and it didn’t help that Isabella began to build a relationship with another guy. When we spoke, if we did, Isabella’s concern for my mental state outweighed the friendship we were struggling to preserve. I had come to the conclusion that pursuing Isabella would only make things worse, and I needed to just be her friend. Since I couldn’t lose the feelings I had for her, I just sat in them. While I sat in the pit, Isabella and I had one particular Facetime call in which I brought up how much I regretted dating Claire. To that, Isabella added, “Yeah, she’s so annoying. I can’t remember if you told me why you got together in the first place, what led you to her?” I paused with the thousand-yard stare of an American private fresh out of West Point. “I guess I was just so disappointed with myself for not being able to go to homecoming with you and being stuck on you for so long that I impulsively got with another girl to forget about my shortcomings,” I said with reluctance and stuttering every few words. She told me that she would’ve said yes to homecoming without a second thought, but I knew she meant as friends. Then, to my dismay, Isabella revealed that whenever I got with Claire, she still had feelings for me. It was me talking to Isabella about how great things were with me and Claire that led her to block me and cut contact with me. The piano melody from “No Surprises” by Radiohead began looping through my mind as tears ran down my face. I forget how I ended the call, but once I did, I broke. I lost my breath, my head got light, my eyes became blurry, my stomach was nauseous, and my insides sank as far as they could. Everything I wanted, dreamed of, needed had been so close, and I blew it. Everything was my fault. Later I would ask her why she lost them, and her answer proved how much better she was than me. Isabella answered, “I had been hurt, so I moved on. Just got over it.” We hardly spoke anymore, but one text message has found a permanent home in my mind. After asking me how I was, Isabella wasn’t satisfied with, “it’s complicated.” She asked that I explain it to her so that she could try to understand. I told her about all the issues going on in my life, except the torch I still held for her. She wrote, “I know you’re not religious, so it may not mean anything, but I pray for you every night, Lincoln. Even though it sounds bad, I think that I've known you weren’t in the greatest mental place for a while. I want you to know I'm not judging you, I want you to feel comfortable enough to share that with someone. You have to be able to recognize how you’re feeling in order to even fix it.” These words broke me despite their simplistic appearance. Reading that she prayed for me hit me hard as she had always tried to get me to believe in God again. I’m agnostic, and nothing has come closer to bringing me back to faith as Isabella did. The idea that if God were real and I could see her in heaven was appealing, but should Christianity be the wrong choice, I wanted to be wrong with Isabella. In the following days, Isabella told me about Alex, a guy she had been talking to a lot, and how they were at most a month away from being together. I hated everything about Alex, which is a stupid name in the first place. I hated his choice of friends, I hated how white-washed he was, I hated how he dressed like a conservative cowboy, I hated the underbite that made him look like a pug, I hated his short curly hair, I hated the fact that he was a diehard Trump supporter while people of his race were being oppressed, I hated how he pretended to be someone else when he was around Isabella, I hated how he hid unhealthy habits from her, I hated that a guy like him garnered Isabella’s affection when I couldn’t. I barely knew the guy and I was wasting my energy with hatred for him, when in reality, he was just a mind-numbingly basic douche among the hundreds just like him at our school. Isabella regularly complained about Alex, but hardly did anything. Instead she stopped bringing it up, saying that talking about her issues with others only makes it worse and that she was just wining. The monotone delivery of her reasoning hurt my soul, it was like she was reciting a text from Alex. Each day that passed, I felt the urgency of expressing my feelings one more time rising. Soon Isabella and Alex would be official, and I would lose my chance to try and express how I felt one more time. I reached out to Isabella and asked if she was free to hangout that friday. On November 10, 2023, Isabella picked me up around 5:30 in the evening. She kept the inside of her SUV looking brand new in contrast to the familiarity of her smile. My nerves left me winded after every sentence and shivering in her passenger seat. Quickly our conversation became more natural as I cracked jokes to ease my anxiety, but my shaky breathing never stopped. We went to Publix to grab some snacks and drinks and headed right back to my neighborhood park. At the Grove Point Park, we found a swinging chair to sit in. Due to the time of the year, the sun had already set, but Isabella’s beauty was indifferent under the moonlight. I haven’t the slightest clue how long we sat there together. When I’m with Isabella, even Father Time gives me grace, for he knows that he is as powerless as I am to the frequency of these moments. After a while, I mentioned that it was getting late and she agreed. On the ride back to my place, I mustered the bare minimum of strength it took to confront my feelings. As she drove over the speed bump before entering the roundabout, I began to open up. I briefly told her that I still felt the same way I did two years ago, that I had tried to forget about the feelings I had with no success, and that I was sorry to once again ruin our unstable friendship. She told me it was fine and my feelings were natural, nothing to regret or be ashamed of. Her words meant nothing to me this time because I had already heard them. Defeated, I paused for a moment, then said, “Isabella, you reciprocated my feelings in the past, so after Alex, do you think that maybe we’d have a chance?” She looked at me with pain in her eyes, not for herself, but for me. She quietly said, “I- Lincoln, you know I can’t answer that. I’m with Alex now, it wouldn’t be fair.” All I could get out was, “Oh- I- I’m sorry. Uh yeah no, you’re uh- you’re right.” Everything in me pulled and begged at my lips to say what I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I still look back on that night and wish I had said the few words I never got to tell her. What if saying them could’ve changed something? Realistically, it wouldn’t have, but the regret remains. I doubt Isabella would have even remembered where my word choice stemmed from. Regardless, the words rang in my head then, and never stopped. All I wanted to say at that moment was, “but I still need you.” Today, 1,725 days since I first saw Isabella, 822 days since I first facetimed Isabella, and 178 days since that heartbreakingly beautiful night, I still love her the same. Looking back on my experience with her, I regret many things (oversharing, Claire, the snake, etc.), but the one thing I have never regretted was meeting and loving her. It was only recently that I realized that loving her has been one of the biggest mistakes in my life. For three years, day in and day out, I’ve thought about her. Three years where I could have met other people, worked on myself, enjoyed my friends and family, but instead I’ve loved her and nothing, nobody else. The one lesson that was essential for me to take away from my experience was impossible. In eighth grade I was 5’7 and 215 lbs, today I’m 5’10 and 165 lbs. In eighth grade I spent time with my parents, today I hide in my room. In eighth grade, I told people how I felt, now I’m too scared. In eighth grade, I talked about my depression, now I am left alone to deal with it. In eighth grade, I had many friends, now I rarely speak to them. In eighth grade, I needed Isabella, but the one lesson I should’ve learned never took effect. I still need her.

A few days ago my family went on a road trip up to see the grandparents, it’s a 3 hour drive.
When we were kids my parents made a rule that either me or my sister gets to pick the music going there, or heading home.
Yesterday on the way home was my turn for the music, I was playing what I thought would be good car music but unfortunately my sister thought otherwise as she kept on asking me to change songs. I refused every time and that seemed to piss her off more and more until we got home and she stormed off into her room.
Parents want to stay out of this so I need ur advice.
(I’m 18 and my sister is 16)
I was playing dua lipa and miley Cyrus so nothing super strange All the music was either generic pop like that or stuff like pink Floyd and queen

I had a lot of dreams today. Several segments of them
In the first dream, I was in a classroom. Across the room, I saw my partner. He raised a waterbottle up to his face, covering one of his eyes. He had drank the water. That was a cue from my brain to hydrate when I wake up. So I did, which usually causes me lucid and vivid dreams. There was probably more drinks/water there. I was paying more attention to him, though. It seemed like a message I had to decode.
After I woke up and took barely a few sips of water, I dreamt of being online, looking at pictures of me. I saw photos of me from an alternate universe. They had been sent through facebook messenger. I was outfront, standing in the sun. In the yard. That's what I can remember. I woke up, wanting them to be real. I hate when I dream of stuff like this. Being online in my dreams makes me forget everything also.
In my next dream, I was crying about my dad. I was upstairs, commenting about how I've been 'dead inside' and 'broken' since 2014. Talking to my mom after seeing a episode of uncle grandpa randomly, took me back mentally.
Sometimes I dream that it's 2012 to 2013 roughly, taking place at my sister's old/boyfriend's house, or seeing my niece and little brothers younger. My brain takes it trauma out on me this way, showing me how/keeping me stuck and regressed; I am.
I then had a dream I was sitting ontop of a tall building, in front of a open window. Looking down at the cars and people. A cat was sitting next to me, telepathically trying to lead me away from it.
Body and soul by love and rockets was playing. I wanted to hear the song over the imagery I was seeing.
A quote from layne staley about his cat popped into my head, about how she was his love. He spoke of her like she was a human. 'She was my little - love?'
I went into a older building, going down the creepy staircase. A box with trashy deftones songs was to my right, one track had eminem on it. I then transitioned to my house, leaving the few girls that were leading me into the basement. I now sat in front of my tv, seeing a playstation 2 game playing on the screen. It started off with a generic word and had 3 added to it. I wanted to use my mom's phone to take pictures outside, annoyed with my brother because he was touching the phone. There were a couple phones set down on the table, one I recognized from earlier. It had a wishbone shaped button, blue and glowing. Y2K style. I ran outside with it, forgetting to take my makeup with me. I used the last of my elf lipstick, breaking it off accidentally. I used a paper towel to smudge it on my lips. My mascara, I don't think I used. I looked into a vintage vanity that was set up outside, wooden. It was starting to get dark and I was restless, not wanting my mom to take her phone back or leave with my little brother. The neighbors had pulled in/parked a big truck outside, which I noticed when I walked back around outfront. The girlfriend of the guy next door laughed/giggled when she saw me dancing.
Bad trash by switchblade symphony was playing. I was spinning, twirling, excited by a good song playing on the radio for once. I remembered the beginning of the song starting off in a rap song that always threw me off because I thought it was this. I didn't like the rap song. That ripped off the band by stealing the instrumental. This doesn't exist in reality.
The sky was getting darker, as I was wasting time by spinning. My lipstick looked dark in the mirror, my forehead looked textured/wrinkly from the stress. There was a spot on my forehead that was. One of my cats was watching me. I woke up, not long as the song was playing. It went straight into party in the usa by miley cyrus, immediately.

When i was younger my mother and i moved around a lot, but we started off living with my mothers boyfriend at the time for a few years before moving to another house, and then the creepy apartment.
It was a three story house and the basement had many different vintage items such as this old duck shooter game system that still worked (not sure what it’s called), an old popcorn machine, etc.
There was also one of those old box tvs from like the 90s-2000s that we had in the corner. One night my moms boyfriend and i were watching tv on it in the basement before deciding to go see what my mom was doing upstairs.
We walked upstairs and sat on the couch with my mom when all of a sudden wrecking ball by miley cyrus started playing full volume on the old tv in the basement.
My moms boyfriend and i went downstairs to turn it off and discussed how weird it was considering we turned the tv off and only had the volume at like 13. Not to mention we weren’t listening to miley cyrus, we were watching a show.. but it’s old right?
Then we went back upstairs and sat down with my mom and a few minutes later started hearing wrecking ball playing on the tv, with the volume slowly increasing until it hit 100 again.
I made her boyfriend turn it off alone as now i was scared, it never happened again and there had been no other incidents with the tv before or since.

Hailey Bieber Numerology Reading

Before becoming the wife of Justin Bieber, she went by the name of Hailey Rhode Baldwin. Firstly, her first name being her main name and being Hailey, let's see what that usually indicates on a general level.
Being someone who holds the first name, Hailey means that you appear either quiet, mature, or shy amongst others. You likely have an impression that can strike others as strong, serious, mean, or relaxed, depending on other factors. The name Hailey holds no double numbers, so it is a good balance of energies, but there are still general lessons people with the name Hailey has. This name holds the energy of 8,1,9,3,5,and 7. The numbers we don't see is 2,4 and 6. This could be why people with the name Hailey may not seem easily approachable by many people, but certain people may be drawn to this energy and won't notice anything off balance. Hailey names give people naturally embedded strength and some form of power, even if it is subtle. They may not always have a simple love life because with 2, 4, and 6 missing, these women/females can struggle sometimes with commitment or close intimacy and could have been too independent or avoidant at one point when someone was trying to love them. The name Hailey makes someone complex because on one hand, they a serious regarding their disposition(8) because they want to appear structured and well received by the public (1) or it makes them feel good to be well put together. They are naturally independent which could sometimes come off as distant(9), but they just want to explore and learn continuously(3). These are not initially people who place importance of romance.
Even if she is into relationships, she would likely not trust easily because of her name ending with the energy of 7 from Y which equals 25 before it is reduced to seven. This can make her a little cautious or strategic with her approach to any type of connections in her life because she want to make sure she can trust these people before she fully opens up.
Now as we look into her being Hailey Rhode Baldwin, this give her a lot of 5 energy. She has a few repeating numbers in her full name which are 8 twice which is good because she isn't overbearing, bossy, or mean, but she has tenacity and ambition most likely. Her capability of dedicating herself could be very strong. She can be obsessive, but it won't be too intense with the 2 8's balancing each other out. In other cases, this could cause her to overthink sometimes or have trust issues.
1 twice as well which emphasizes her not being a bratty type of woman because 1 and 8 can give someone a mean complex if there is enough of it. 1 is about being bold and taking the initiative.
9 three times in Hailey Rhode Baldwin's name which gives her emphasized 9 energy which is about power, authority, popularity, maturity, and travel. One thing she will likely always make time for is travel and learning. Could be into cultural knowledge as well.
Skipping to the fact that she has four 5's in her name, this is the energy emphasized the most. This equals 20 and then 2 making her appear soft, calm, loving, or sensitive. She could be very emotional with this energy and most likely have to perfect her emotional well-being.
Being HAILEY RHODE BALDWIN gives her the Destiny #4, soul urge #9, and Personality #4
Destiny #4 is the same as Halle Bailey. Destiny 4 people are private, especially about things they value and things they see as important and dear to them. It's serious. These types of people are naturally capable of withstanding or handling responsibility. They are evolving into mastering a life that is in order. Don't force these types of people out of their shell if they are not ready. Once these Destiny 4 types feel safe around you, their personality expands and show clearer.
As a soul urge 9, Hailey Bieber is a natural at quick learning and experience. She may be someone who could see something once and would know the ins and outs after that first time learning or practicing. 9 is mastery and wisdom.
As a personality #4, this makes Hailey a cautious person. She will not do or say anything if she isn't feeling comfortable to do so. She takes calculated steps and won't do anything she considers risky or stupid. She has to warm up to environments before she allows herself to be part of the festivities. Likely not too big on parties as an importance.
April and May of 2024 were very romantic times for Hailey Bieber which makes sense that she is now pregnant with Justin Bieber's baby.
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I was at the dress rehearsal for the Dua Lipa episode tonight (via standby) and can summarize what what was changed/cut to the best of my memory. If anyone else was at dress, feel free to correct or add anything I missed :)
Student Protests

• Heidi had a bob wig at dress
  
• If I remember correctly, Mikey and Heidi’s characters were more anti-protest at dress than at live.
  
• Kenan got cheers at dress during his initial lines supporting the protests
  
• During his line about his daughter getting her degree, Kenan had a line mentioning "someone's dean" giving it to her.
  

Monologue

• I don't think her parents were shown at dress (although the lines referencing them were still there).
  
• The question from Andrew Dismukes was originally from Michael Longfellow
  

Young Spicy

• Young Spicy added additional context at the start that he needs a new tag cause there are a lot of beefs and diss tracks goin around right now in rap (indirectly referencing the Kendrick/Drake feud).
  
• When saying to "make it quick", in addition to the meter running, Kenan said he left a sandwich in the car with the windows open.
  
• At one point, Kenan asked everyone for quarters to pay for the parking meter.
  
• Kenan's joke about Young Spicy's neighbors was gone. Instead the sketch ended with Kenan's car getting towed.
  

Anomalous Man

• No changes I noticed.

Good Morning Greenville

• No changes I noticed.

Challengers Baby

• After Bowen and Marcello's back and forth "I'm 41 so it's not weird." "Yes it is!" There was an additional line from Bowen where he says it's weird "in a different way." [Correction] Marcello full line at dress was "Yes it is! Just, like, in a new way!"
  
• Edit: Bowen posted the dress version on his Instagram.
  

Penne alla Vodka

• No changes I noticed.

Dua Lipa - Illusion

• Introduced by Sarah Sherman instead of Troye Sivan.

Weekend Update: Colin Jost and Michael Che

• Colin did not say "It's the first night of spring, so we'll start tonight with puppy murder."
  
• Joke added for live: "President Trump seen here definitely not sleeping."
  
• Joke added for live: Che's follow-up to the Columbia students joke where he says the school should "stop telling students the truth" like him with his girlfriends.
  
• I believe Che's punchline about the Final Four was about a different sports event.
  
• Joke added for live: Colin's 11-day cruise joke
  
• Colin cut joke about a guy who killed some people and the punchline is that he ate them (cause he's fat)
  
• Colin cut joke: [paraphrased] Hope Hicks testified at the Trump trial, where she proved that the courtroom sketch artist can draw people that look human (cut to side by side of Hicks and Trump's sketches)
  
• Colin cut joke: [paraphrased] In the Trump trial, Hope Hicks testified that Trump trusts Melania's advice. Well we know at least one time that wasn't true (cut to picture of Trump and Stormy Daniels)
  
• Che did the same ad-lib after a bomb about Drake dropping another diss track, but he also did another one on a later bomb at dress, saying "And Kendrick just released a reply!"
  
• At one point after a joke bomb, Che said something that sounded to me like "Just put me on the cast, Lorne!"
  

Weekend Update: Kristi Noem's other dog

• There was joke using "All Dogs Go to Heaven" where they added a couple words making it specific to Noem's dogs.
  
• Marcello also held up a book he is going to release [can't remember the title]
  

Weekend Update: Jojo Siwa

• I don't recall hearing the snippets of her song played at dress.
  
• She originally ate the cigarette. (I think it didn't get a big enough reaction to warrant doing it again).
  
• Gay pop joke - Instead of Colin saying “I think that’s just pop”, he said “there’s been loads of other gay pop artists: Elton John, Ricky Martin, Renee Rapp. Also make up my gym playlist.”
  

Weekend Update: Jerry Seinfeld

• They punched up the Ryan Gosling part a bit for live. I don't remember it having as many jokes, and there was originally a line advising Gosling to stay at home with his wife and kids.

Fat Daddy

• No changes that I noticed.
  
• As they were setting this up, I could hear Punkie telling Kenan and a few crew members about something she had cooking in her dressing room.
  

Dua Lipa - Happy for You

• Introduced by Marcello Hernandez instead of Jerry Seinfeld.

Tiny Statement Pin

• This was slightly longer at dress. I remember there was a pin mentioning Trans rights on screen with the Ceasefire pin.

Jingle

• The Dua's "5 daqs deep" was originally said by Bowen.

Cut for Time
\1. Hotel/Restaurant (live sketch)

• Chloe Fineman is at the front desk of a fancy hotel/restaurant. On the phone she says they are fully booked, but they can make room for Leonardo DiCaprio and his five guests. Mikey Day and Heidi Gardner (Mikey looks dressed like a 00s rock band frontman and Heidi looks a little Paris Hilton-esque) come in and ask for a room/table. Chloe denies them and they go into the “do you know who I am?” routine. Mikey (who has a ridiculous name I can’t remember) is from a “famous” band known for their song “Becky’s Mouth”, which Mikey sings for Chloe and it sounds like Jessie’s Girl, as Chloe points out. Heidi (also with a ridiculous name) is a model/actress and she mentions a commercial she was in. Dua Lipa enters as the third in their group. She cites her own list of silly sounding credits. Kenan comes out as the manager and gets mad at the group. Mikey tries to prove his importance by pointing out his car (not shown) from [fake car brand with silly name] which he got before it even released to the public. Kenan calls it ugly. Mikey also cites his expensive [fake clothing brand with silly name] clothing and Heidi her fancy bag with an LLF on it (standing for something starting with Luigi). Heidi pulls out a bottle of their brand of Ferret Vodka, which has a Ferret-haped stopper. Then, Colin Jost comes out in full vacation get-up, who the staff recognize as Colin Jost, and says he knows the trio and they can come sit at his table. He says he was just listening to “Becky’s Mouth”. End of sketch.
  
• I thought this was pretty good. Sad to see a rare Colin Jost sketch appearance cut.
  

\2. What Would You Do? (live sketch)

• There is a standard “What would you do?” intro where the premise is explained. In this episode, two actors will simulate a racist encounter in a pizza place to see how the patrons will react. Andrew Dismukes is the actor playing the guy behind the counter, and Marcello Hernandez is the actor playing a Latino guy with an accent buying a pizza. Marcello tries to order a pizza and Andrew suggests he illegally immigrated. As Molly Kearney, playing a nearby patron, is about to react, Dua Lipa and Ego Nwodim barge in. The narrator explains that these two women came in and interrupted the shoot so they couldn’t get the patrons’ reaction. They are both in fancy tracksuits (different colors) with a lot of makeup on and Dua has big hoop earrings. Both in trashy English accents, they start accosting Andrew. They say they’ve both been experiencing terrible diarrhea and it’s because of the pizza. They say they’ve only been in the US for a day and have just had the pizza, a pretzel, and some oysters a guy on the street offered them. They describe in excruciating detail how bad their diarrhea was and how it hit them as they were getting on the subway with a joke to the effect of “Stand clear of the expelling women”. Andrew tries a few times to unsuccessfully explain to them that he is just an actor and that they are shooting. Dua and Ego say that they themselves were “shooting” (referring to the diarrhea). They eventually get it when he says they are on TV. They get all excited, but say they wish they were prepared and Dua laments that she has her small hoops on. And I believe it ends with them realizing that they’re “dia-ruh-rhea” story got recorded and the narrator says that they kept it as revenge for ruining their shoot.
  
• This was one of Dua’s best comedic roles all night so it was a shame it was cut. I guess the toilet humor could be a lot for some people, but it worked for me (and I thought the audience liked it).
  
• Marcello was also wearing a mustache that IMO was really working for him.
  

\3. Graduation (live sketch)

• Bowen Yang, Chloe Troast, Marcello Hernandez, Ego Nwodim, Dua Lipa [Corrected by u/wincew, Dua was not in this], and one or two others are on a college campus. They talk about their upcoming graduation and Chloe Troast with a guitar starts to lead them in a song to the tune of Graduation by Vitamin C. They recap their college experience year by year for a chorus/verse, with every year getting ruined by some world event. For each year, Kenan comes out with the respective NYE glasses for that year and for each bad news topic, they cut to JAJ as an anchor reporting that event. In 2020 they had Covid. Then they had the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Kenan says “How did you forget about January 6th?” The students all say at least they had some good things like corn kid, and the Ice Bucket Challenge (“that was 10 years ago!”). Then they show Ego and Marcello in bed together (still standing with a sheet placed in front of them and a bed stood up behind them), which cuts to Roe v. Wade being overturned. Then graduation comes in 2024, but they find out the ceremony is canceled because [they say something to indicate the Gaza protests, without mentioning them explicitly] reasons.
  
• Maybe not the most original observation, but I liked it and liked what it was saying. Not really surprised it got cut though.
  

\4. Drinks after Work Promotion (live sketch)

• Bowen Yang, Ego Nwodim, Andrew Dismukes, Dua Lipa, and Molly Kearney (?) are out for drinks at a bar after work. They are talking about a promotion Andrew just got (due to nepotism) and how he is now their boss. Andrew makes a comment about removing a framed photo of Dua and her son. She gets offended since it’s actually a picture of her and her husband. Andrew points out she looks much older than him. Something causes the whole group minus Andrew to sing the song “Don’t Matter” by Akon. Andrew says he loves that song and it’s actually it’s his favorite song. Dua doubts him and asks what his favorite part is. He sings the chorus “Nobody wanna see us together”. Dua points out that his favorite part is just the chorus, to which he responds “that’s why it’s the chorus”. Dua insists he doesn’t actually know the song and challenges him to sing along if she plays it on the jukebox. As the song starts, Andrew sings the chorus, and then when the verse starts, he says his throat is dry and starts sipping his beer. Dua calls him out, but the rest of the group tells her to calm down. He finishes his beer just as the chorus comes back in and sings the chorus. When the next verse comes, he repeats the dry throat thing and grabs Ego’s wine and does the same thing. Dua gets more mad as the group polices her. The next verse Andrew fakes having to sneeze. Then he fakes getting a phone call about his mom being in the hospital “oh she’s okay?” and immediately breaks back into the chorus. He fakes the phone call again, but Dua grabs his phone and throws it. After the group gets upset with her again, she admits she was really just mad about the promotion, cause she really thought she was gonna get it, and is just taking it out on Andrew. Bowen then reminds her that she didn’t get the promotion because she twisted the nipples of the water cooler guy and the only reason she didn’t get fired is because he spilled it on her and she threatened to sue. The sketch ends with Dua and Andrew singing the “best part” together, with Andrew taking a high harmony.
  
• I liked it, mainly for Andrew’s killer timing with each of his verse-chorus gags, but I’m not surprised it got cut.
  
• As they were setting up this sketch, I waved at Dua and she made eye contact and waved back at me and so I was slightly distracted and starstruck at the beginning of this one.
  

\5. Babysitter (live sketch)

• Sophie (Dua Lipa) is trying out for a babysitter gig for parents Mikey Day and Heidi Gardner. She seems to be getting along with the kids (extras) and Mikey and Heidi say how they don’t even want to see the other candidates cause they like Dua. Dua says how she appreciates that they don’t judge her for her past. They didn’t realize she had a past, which leads to her revealing she was in jail for DUIs. But she reassures them she doesn’t drink any more except [punchline I don’t remember]. She also mentions how she can’t read, and how in jail she fell in love with a guy, Winslow. She holds up a crayon drawing the kids made for her, with her as a stick figure behind bars, and written “visiting Sophie at [funny alternate name for jail]”. Mikey reads it aloud and Dua goes “so that’s what it says!” Dua asks if it’s alright that she invited her boyfriend over. There is a knock at the door and it is Kenan as Winslow. He has a long straight black wig and a long straight brown goatee and he is (as described by Mikey) “dressed like Carmen Sandiego”. Dua mentions something implying he runs a cult. Behind him are Chloe Troast and either Sarah Sherman or Chloe Fineman, who are dressed a little like what I imagine a Victorian schoolgirl would look like. Kenan introduces them both as Sophie. Mikey and Heidi ask “did he make you all change your name to Sophie?” to which all the girls confirm. Kenan then asks Heidi if she is “bleeding” because he needs it for a ritual. She is scandalized. The kids come back after interacting with Kenan and they both have red cloaks now, to Heidi and Mikey’s horror. That might have been the end of the sketch, but I can’t remember.
  
• I think the weakest sketch of the night so this was a fair cut.
  

I thought overall it was a good episode, but I personally would have cut the Young Spicy sketch and replaced it with the What Would You Do? sketch.

I have been dealing with this for over 10 months now following a series of unfortunate events and I am so tired of it, it felt like it just came out of nowhere, one day eating without thinking then the next unable to drink or eat without convincing myself I’m inhaling it all - also physically unable to swallow it.
MY STORY SO FAR: (this is in depth because one thing I realise is I need to share my story for so long I felt like I was the only one, sometimes I still do like no one has this as much as me or in the same way I have)
2023 was a stressful year for me. I had come to the end of my veterinary nursing degree and had my final exams coming up… I had previously left veterinary medicine degree after 3 years when everyone that knew me knew that’s what I wanted to do and expected me to continue with it but lockdown hit, I hated living in London and wanted my family so came home and did veterinary nursing instead. So if I failed veterinary nursing I would be such a failure. ANYWAY. The day before my exam I was travelling to my friends house in Basingstoke about an hour away from where I live, on the motorway I witnessed a crash that had already happened but I drove passed as the emergency services were arriving. So I saw a whole lot as we all had to slow down. My curious mind wanted to look deeply into the scene, and I saw a man squashed up against the screen of his front window pretty mangled. Arm out the side of the lorry. Had my first proper panic attack. Couldn’t breathe, mind spiralling realising he was dead. I went blind, couldn’t see because I was so stressed. Had to stop and call my mum along the side of the motorway just to calm down. Crying hyperventilating the lot. Anyway I eventually calmed down and went and done revision because if I didn’t I’d fail.
All was good, travelled to my exams the next day. Nervous as hell but we did it. A few days later I found out I passed my exams. All being well with pure relief and excitement but with now a feeling of well now what? I’m qualified what now do I have to learn and strive for in life… my whole life at school college and university lead up to this moment, the pure blood sweat and tears… now what? I work for the rest of my life? Same thing everyday?

• ANYWAY. TRIGGER WARNING DONT READ NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU HAVE A FEAR OF CHOKING LIKE ME* My dad celebrating my victory took us out for a meal.. everyone ordered steaks or burgers. I turn half way through the meal to look at my 13 year old brother (i was 24 at the time for reference) who has a face like a ghost, not moving frozen in fear with his neck twitching. I ask him if he’s okay he nods, trying to swallow. He then looks at my mum in fear and tries to down a glass of coke. The coke sits in his throat and he just tips his head down and it pours out. I just knew he was choking, he always had eaten his food fast without really chewing. I scream like a headless chicken, flaying around not knowing what to do. Screaming to everyone in the restaurant he’s choking someone help him call and ambulance. Poor waitress had me shouting at her whilst she was on the phone to the emergency services because I was panicking. My brother makes his way in a panick trying to get air outside where two men are enjoying sun and a beer. He’s going blue and could not get a slight bit of air down. My dad walks him extremely hard on the chest and then performs Heimlich manoeuvre which I didn’t even know he knew. The steak flies out and my brother can breathe. Sat around the table totally off our food my brother then proceeds to eat the rest of his steak and orders pudding and we all eat nothing. He’s totally unfaised. I wish I could be like him. Anyway I go back to eating normally within a day or so, not really put off by food anymore. END OF TRIGGER

The next unfortunate event happens couple weeks later, I get my first proper non basher of a car for my birthday/ Welldone for passing exams. My dad buys me a Mini Cooper and I’m overwhelmed with excitement! After 3 weeks of owning this car, one sunny day me and my partner take my sister who is 6 to the beach and water park, and have a beautiful day out with picnic and ice cream. On way home we are singing in the car to Miley Cyrus ‘PARTY IN THE USA’ - setting for you it was literally like a movie scene. Having the time of our lives all singing and laughing. I’m driving, my partners in the front seat next to me, my sister behind me in her car seat. We are 5 minutes from my road, if that and the road slows from a 40mph speed limit to a 30 on a bend, small little village road over a river bridge into a mill village. As we come round the bend starting to go to 30 but most likely still doing around 37mph, we notice a car drifting onto my side of the road coming head on. I didn’t react as quickly as I thought I would in that situation, I remember my last words being what the fuck is she doing! Then slam on my breaks as I realise she is not stopping and she is going fast. As I then slam my break, BAM she has hit us head on. I remember being flung forward and the bang was SO LOUD. I woke up to smoke all around me, a white bag in my face me pushing it down. Then looking at my partner slowly coming too. I don’t remember but my partner says I screamed so traumatisingly he still hears it to this day. I just keep screaming and crying. I remember it differently, I remember looking at my partner and seeing him hit the dashboard and saying what the actual fuck over and over again with pure anger. He undoes his seatbelt and climbs out the car, I realise I cannot get out my side as my door is crumpled and climb out the window. I was so confused as to what just happened I forgot my sister was in the back seat. To this day I’ve never stopped feeling guilty for that. My partner screamed my sisters name and ran in to get her out. She’s unconscious and paler than anything i look around and people enjoying their lunches come running towards us from the mill. I scream someone help her. At this point, all the injuries you have endured, you don’t feel. I was running around perfectly on a broken ankle. People are rushing off with my sister, my partner is running to get her from these people, I’m running around again like a headless chicken so clueless on what I need to do. Calling my mum. Telling her to come down now. The ambulance arrives swiftly as my partners phone automatically called services as it detected a crash - what an amazing thing to be able to have nowadays.
My partner faints in the car, my sister is in and out of consciousness and I am strapped into a bed with blood coming up into my mouth and once we were in the hands of the ambulance team I relaxed a little and the adrenaline started to wear off. I remember feeling almighty pain everywhere, especially my chest and right ankle. I remember thinking if my sister dies I swear to god. My mum screaming panicking my sister was going to pass away. Long story short it turns out my sister was having an adrenaline response and passed out from the pain as she completely fractured her collar bone in half from seatbelt injury. My partner had broken his hand and fingers, severe bruising internally and externally, I had broken many ribs, head injury as on inspection we found out I hit my head and cracked my front screen of the car. I also had a broken right ankle and severe internal bruising around chest and abdomen, I was pretty much blue and purple and black all over my body.
But anyway, we survived. But the pain my ribs caused me made me feel like I couldn’t breathe sometimes so that scared me. Then the trauma from the crash hit and I started to not trust the world, that anything could happen at any time and something bad was always going to happen. I could not bare the thought of going through something traumatic again! I genuinely thought my body wouldn’t be able to hack it I’d just die if I lost anyone or anything bad happened I couldn’t cope.
So I started to have panic attacks after a few weeks, really awful ones. Chest hurt, severe shooting pains, tingly arms and legs, almost numb and weak. Light headedness but also with a band around it, awful stomach pains, along with a lot of other things. This went on many times a day and night and progressively got worse and worse, and one day, I just couldn’t swallow food anymore. The simplest of food like soup, it was like and the only way I can still explain it so people with no issue swallowing get it - try and swallow repeatedly multiple times in a row without stopping, eventually your throat just can’t do it voluntarily anymore and it becomes harder. Well that’s what was happening to me. It got so bad I couldn’t drink anymore. I couldn’t spend a second of the day not swallowing my own saliva and panicking about that. I couldn’t even talk sometimes as I was adamant I could feel saliva entering my trachea. It was THE WORST TIME I HAVE EVER HAD. For reference, I ate 3 meals at once. I was a big girl weighing nearly 15 stone and had trouble dieting because I was the biggest eater going. Everyone knew me and defined me for the girl who LOVES her food and never thought twice about stuffing my face non stop.
This went on for months, of constant panic attacks and thinking I was having heart attacks or lung collapsing that I ended up in hospital countless amount of times because I then developed health anxiety and it became an addiction to make myself admitted to hospital to be check nothing was wrong with me. It got to the point my mum and my partner took my phone off me to stop me from calling the ambulance to come and get me at 3am in the morning, or right before work, AT WORK SOMETIMES or whenever I felt like it. But like all addicts I found a way everytime and they would wake up to me surrounded by paramedics having an ECG. I broke down to one paramedic about my eating so hard that HE TOLD ME TO EAT SOMETHING RIGHT NOW AND IF I CHOKE HE HAD THE EQUIPEMENT TO SAVE ME. I still couldn’t do it. I even bought things to monitor my ketone levels as I’m a veterinary nurse I understand a lot of science behind things and I had lost 2 stone in 4 weeks from not eating or drinking a single thing. I then sent my self into non-diabetic starvation ketone scidosis which then lead me to be in hospital with more time off work inbetween the times I couldn’t go into work because of anxiety, or because anxiety had kept me up all night I was exhausted the next day. Or because I left work because of anxiety attacks. It was horrendous. I had multiple tests done for ALL SORTS OF THINGS. X-rays of chest, CT scans, ultrasounds, blood tests, urine tests, faecal tests, BP, ECGS just everything you can imagine. They found nothing. I then got referred to psychiatricw ward in hospital because they thought I was going insane as I was yelling at the doctors they aren’t looking hard enough there is something wrong with me. My parents were about to admit me to priory despite not being able to afford it.
Anyway over time I got onto meds - antidepressants and had lots and lots of therapy. To this day - 11 months on and I’m still crying that I can’t eat. I really do struggle. However I’m so much better than I was. I’m not up at night worrying about swallowing saliva all night, I’m not having panic attacks anymore. I’m able to eat small tiny mouthfuls of food - better in the morning with a huge bottle of drink. But I still lunge my self forward with every swallow, cry after thinking I’ve inhaled it. Cover my mouth as I try to swallow, grab something. Cough after. Spit food out etc etc. I still get so many chest pains. I still wonder when will it ever end and will I ever be able to scoff my face again. I’m now 11 stone. Frail and weak but also silver linings I’m near my goal weight I’ve always wanted to be since the age of 16!! I take many many supplements and try to make nutritious smoothies most the day to get some fruit and veg in. I weirdly find chicken, cheese and chocolate the easiest things to eat. I’ve seen a ENT doctor and had a Nasoendoscope 3 times. Possible nerve damage but can’t be sure. But my doctors are still all adamant it’s psychological. I’m still coming up with diagnosis for myself, cancer, gallbladderstones, heart disease, COPD, lungs are actually full of food etc. but I’m trying my hardest to keep eating solid foods and powering through. But it is the most tiring and draining thing I’ve ever been through, if I don’t eat I feel so tired and my body hurts everywhere but if I do it I’m panicky tired and done all day thinking about food and trying to eat it. Let alone the fact it takes me 2 hours to eat half a kids sized dinner if that. Possibly even 4 mouthfuls. I’m now have a barium swallow booked in, then if nothing a gastroenterologist to have an endoscope in my intestines etc. if nothing then therapy it is, severe therapy.
Anyway that’s my story. There is a lot missing symptoms and how bad things actually got with phone calls to people and my overall anxiety let alone the relationships were being effected by all this. Then to top it off half way through my recovery from this my parents split up and there’s been a whole lot of drama. I’ve then had to move out with my partner because the drama at home and everyone crying all the time was triggering bad anxiety and eating. I the rescued a stray kitten from my job and had the joys and stress of raising that with a partner who is allergic and hates cats.
But regardless I’ve come a long way in the 11 months, I am now the happiest I’ve ever been - seeing friends and family regularly going out, feeling confident in my body and I have my own place, my own responsibility and my own pet who brings us so much joy. However, I still can’t eat, I still cry and it still feel SO UNBELIEVABLY UNCOMFORTABLE with every bite and swallow.
Please someone tell me it gets better.

So I (20M) and this girl (20F) have been friends since we were in elementary school, so obviously we are pretty close, I used to see her as a sister but recent events made me rethink the situation, let me explain:
This girl (let's call her Noelle), was raised in quite a troublesome house. Her older sister would often bully her, her father is a selfish, sexist scum and her mother never moved a finger to protect her. So when I saw her going to college, getting a job and going out to drink with friends, I was happy for her. Since I am also working and going to college, we don't talk that much, but we're still close and care for each other.
However, in the last few days she did something we never thought she would. She started posting pics with a guy, let's call him Tony (Idk his age but it ranges from 18 to 20, and that will be important for later). They have been going out every day for the last 10 days or so, going to each other's houses since apparently they are neighbors, and even went to the beach together with a mutual friend of ours. Some of you might think I am jealous, but that's really not the case. I'm happy to see her happy and would be happy to see her with a good friend.
But here's the thing: about 3-4 months ago, Tony's ex got exposed on twitter for dating her when she was 15-16 and he was 18-19, manipulating her, and lying her age to everyone that knew them. It was a big scandal, since he was quite famous in the underground rock community of our state, leading some of the most famous artists of the genre to publicaly despise him, some girls also related how he treated them, verbally abusing and trying his schemes on them. After that, Tony deleted all of his social media and has't been seen since, until now.
Unfortunately, his ex deleted all of the screenshots she posted because she filed a report against him and the cops instructed her to do so, making it impossible to find solid evidence of what he did. I didn't read the screenshots either due to my own lazyness, something I regret so fucking much now. Some of his ex's posts still hint at the situation, and some famous people in the community talk about it, but no solid evidence against him exists on the internet as far as I know.
Besides that, the guy is a fucking jerk. Still talking about his ex, he stole one of her bras and posted in a group chat, alongside the message: "did any of yall girls who slept here forgot something?".
Besides that, he once asked a friend to borrow his house to throw a party and absolutely THRASHED the house. Beer cans everywhere, cigarette burns on furniture, and not a single dime paid to clean.
That alone would make me avoid him and any of his friends, the crime in question only makes it worse.
The thing is: Noelle KNOWS all of that because, according to her, the guy "forced himself to tell her", but claimed things were blown out of proportion, and he commited himself to a psychiatric clinic and is better now. Although I am no specialist, I'm quite sure you can't heal "douchebagness" in only 3 months. It seems to me that she is either being manipulated by him or simply does not care about the things he did because he is cool and makes her feel well.
By the way, Noelle has a boyfriend, Levi (idk his age) who is ALSO well-known in the underground rock community. Levi once was accused of abuse, which is something I only found out after this whole situation. Since Noelle believes Levi is inocent and thinks the claims were exaggerated, this definitely does not apply to Tony, since it's not just a claim, there is actual evidence of what he did.
​
What baffles me about this is that Levi definitely knows about this guy and what he did, and still his girlfriend is hanging out with Tony every single day, I have no idea of what is going on with these two.
Surprisingly enough, one of our friends (Anna, 21F) contacted me while I was writing this. She told me that Noelle wanted to talk to me since I posted something on my twitter account that made her sad. Me and my girlfriend have been posting some things about how you can't trust people and etc. My GF went a bit further, posting about how "some ppl be hanging out with abusers and think that it's hot shit".
Noelle told Anna about how it hurts to see all of her friends turning their backs on her and claiming she supports this kind of behavior, and ngl it made me feel quite guilty, but at the same time she's a grown woman and should know how to spot a liar or at least understand the gravity of the situation.
Now I see she is being manipulated, and Anna said Noelle wants to talk to me. I told Anna that Noelle is more than welcome to do so, and I plan to contact her myself to discuss, but if I can't convince her she is being manipulated by this jerk, there is no point in standing arround to watch them shit and giggle until said shit hits the fan.
I plan to update this after our talk but for now, AITAH for cuting ties with a childhood friend because she befriended a predator?

I'm on my first Scandal rewatch since the original airing, and even the first time around, I was never the biggest Fitz fan, I think I felt some sympathy for him, but due to me liking Jake better, I think I was never the biggest supporter.
But on rewatch, dear lord I cannot stand the man! How did this man own the hearts of people like Melly, Olivia, Abby even Cyrus?
He is spoiled, entitled, scarily needy and basically a really horrible human being and his behaviour and attitude toward Melly are unbelievable. I grew to almost like him when they became partners after their son's death, and he supported her run for senate, but now seen the Foxtail episodes and was Melly in the wrong, yes of course, but WTAH!
For those who like him, what are his redeeming features? What am I missing?

The year is 1959. Christopher Robin & his wife Megan Moonice had a son; Jumbo Robin-Moonice. When he was 10, winnie the pooh was his new favorite toy that all thanks to Christopher. One day, Jumbo made a wish that Winnie arrived. It happened. After 13 years, winnie's voice got changed TWICE (first when Jumbo was 17) As In New York, what could Winnie & Jumbo do something? You'll find out in this one
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Producers: Seth MacFarlane, Scott Stuber, Tom Shankland, Alan Fine, Seth Rogen
Writers: Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, Evan Spiliotopoluos
Composers: Walter Murphy, Andrew Scott Bell
Cinematographers: Channing Tatum, David Fumero
Cast: Seth MacFarlane, Josh Hutcherson, Miley Cyrus, Reagan Gomez Preston, Tiger Woods, Max Wulkborder, Matthew Lillard, Christian J. Simon, Jim Carrey, Zal Batmanglij, Kai Cenat, Phillip Akin, Nathalie Baye, IShowSpeed, Seth Rogen, Carly Simon, John Goodman, Kath Soucie, Jim Cummings, Peter Mitteruzrutzner, Jack Black, Benjamin Valic, Preston Oliver, Michael B. Jordan, Giorgia Whigham, Piper Perri, Kevin Foster, John Sparkles.
Production Companies: Fuzzy Door Productions, Deedle Dee Productions, Point Grey Pictures, CBS
Distributed by: Universal Studios
Rating: 16+ to 18+

Lately, I've seen some Jojo apologists on TikTok and Instagram say things like "Well Miley got a ton of hate when she first stopped being Hannah Montana, but she got through it and now has a super successful adult career." Or "Can't Be Tamed was considered cringe too but now it's iconic."
I'm 31. I was Miley's target fan base from the beginning of Hannah Montana through her entire career transition in the early 2010s. And I can tell you that there is no comparison between Miley and Jojo:

1. Miley didn't go around telling people she was "entering her bad girl era." She just did things like drop Can't Be Tamed, twerk on a foam finger, or appear in a boudoir shot in Vanity Fair and let those things speak for themselves. Show, don't tell. Jojo's constantly telling us that she's so grown up is like what children do when they try to prove they are mature. It doesn't fool anyone.
   
2. Miley may not have written every song she's released, but she's been at least a co-writer on most of her music, dating back to her Meet Miley Cyrus album released when she was younger than Jojo is now. Even Party in The USA, which Miley did not write at all, felt authentic to her because it told a story the public knew she had gone through- being the nervous newcomer to Hollywood and missing her Tennessee hometown. We Can't Stop, one of her controversial early career transition songs, was heavily inspired by the real parties Miley was attending as a 20 year old- and the public knew this. Karma and Jojo feel disconnected- and Jojo has even admitted not being comfortable singing "I was a bad girl." It would be fine for Jojo not to be a songwriter, but the songs have to make sense for her to resonate with her fan base.
   
3. Vocal talent. This is just a harsh reality- vocal coaching can help, but some people have natural talent and some people do not. Miley today has a unique, smoky low voice that has matured like a fine wine, but even in the early 2010s she still sounded great live- after all, Disney originally picked her to be the lead of a show about a pop singer when she was just 12 years old. Jojo's voice, by contrast, is mediocre at best. Her Karma is heavily filtered and automated, and she sings every note at max volume with little variation in tone, volume, or pacing. This is especially noticeable given that the public can now compare her version to Brit Smith's, who is indisputably a better singer.
   
4. Times have changed. When Miley became a star, social media was just barely getting off the ground- 2009 was when Justin Bieber became one of the first YouTube singers to hit it big. At the time, most teen stars were still coming up through the formal Hollywood system- Nickelodeon, Disney, and movies. There was a lot less noise, culturally. Jojo is now trying to break into a young adult market where she's competing with a million influencers for fame and status. It's just not as easy to sustain fan attention as it once was pre-social media.
   

Ultimately, what I don't get is why Jojo seems to be banking on the music industry as her next act. She has wealth and she does have fame- far more than most 20 year olds. There are SO many things she could do with the launch pad she has other than play dress up as Gene Simmons and try to do what others before her have already done better.

People are even dying in the prison world. Misunderstood and crazy thoughts, or unfiltered exercise of the first amendment mixed with poetry and creativity.
It’s like everything I ever wanted was taken from me in the past. Every good thing was broken, and through all the trials and tribulations, the blue blood turned to red ink. Imprinted on what is the story of me being alive.
Now I have had people leaving. I gotten use to it, one door closes and another door opens. It’s the beauty of the universe.
I used to be called it, because of how ugly I am. Now people call me man. It’s embarrassing, degrading, and hurtful. Nobody ever seemed to care about my hurt. N o b o d y. I challenge it with emotion and polite grace when I can muster up the courage.
I’ve been alone as long as I can remember. Trying to network and backpacking. I’ve been doing this since I was in 3rd or fourth grade. Every weekend the night at my friends, almost every weekend of summer softball. Anywhere, I had a lot of good in my life, but nobody ever seemed to notice the hurt. I kind of liked it because I couldn’t explain it. My parents did the best they could with their struggles and their life, but often times that left me with people I knew “didn’t really want me there” or made me “burden” my parents friends. I spent more time with my softball team than my own family.
Oh well, I had lots of “friends” but decided I didn’t want my life to be like that when I was an adult. I wanted to provide for myself.
I left the boy I loved to pursue getting a career. The career was put on hold for the fbi to investigate whatever they had been investigating since someone from cps came into my 4th grade class. They asked my about my dad and I lied because they didn’t ask the right way. I knew they didn’t care by how they asked. I was warned about cps. I have no regrets. I remember meeting that lady and I know she had an agenda and didn’t care about my well being. I’ll never forget meeting her. I’ll never forget her energy and the way she assumed I was dumb. I liked everyone when I was a child, but I didn’t like her. I grew up to learn more about the cps and it’s worse than staying in the parenting you had in most cases.
My thoughts are how do you have people looking into your life since 4th grade, but you struggle with food when in college? Play full time sports and work a part time job, but no help with any food? No case worker ever thought I deserved food, but the government was SO interested in what my parents were doing wrong and had no care what the government was doing wrong.
My life has always been alone or me being a burden. I remember sitting in the back bedroom by myself surrounded by toys that weren’t mine. I’d cry back there. I remember thinking Hannah Montana and Selena Gomez were “my favourite characters” all of them, raven too. I learned human interactions from TV. I wanted to have lives like them. Lots of friends, a family, to be cared about like them. I learned social skills from softball. I was taught by a village. I always though some day I will have a life where people care about me and I wont be crying in the back room all alone some day . if I show enough care. If I work, if l just keep working on myself. Some day. I hated that back bedroom.
Nobody could ever figure out my breathing issues. They said it was anxiety and I knew it wasn’t. I later figured out it’s just a government ploy to bin people and put them on ssri’s I did lots of yoga and turned to Chinese medicine I couldn’t understand. I left the boy I had fallen in love with and quit nursing because it didn’t align with my religious beliefs. After learning the material i felt like I would have been apart of slowly killing people and it weighed on my conscience. I’d never would be smart enough or fast enough to be that superwoman nurse and I didn’t want to be a geriatric nurse my entire life.
I punished myself for “quitting”. Because other people frowned upon it. Now looking back? I think it was the most adult decision I ever made. I gave up my dream life, nursing and Joshua. I wanted joshua to come back when I became a better person. I wanted the absolute best for him, and I wanted that absolute best to be me some day.
I never got to see him again and I’ve never felt good enough for anyone. I feel good enough now to deserve respect, love, someone to celebrate the fact that somehow I’m still alive, and kindness, and a boyfriend; but my tax bracket is disturbing and after all the bad, I guess it’s hard for anyone to see any of the good inside of me. I hope people do anyways.
I’ll never forget, after I left my highschool “dream” I decided I wanted my own brand, to get engaged, and I wanted to be someone. I liked the idea of business and art and philosophy and motivating speeches and yoga Ayurveda, music, spirituality, dogs, and just light. I would be made fun of for the books I read and my beliefs. Everyone thought it was weird I wanted to play sports, go to the gym and not be slim thick , and ate a vegan diet. Nobody cared about yoga or Ayurveda like I did or like they did in Cali. Or other countries. When I was in highschool there was no such thing as “meatless” burgers. I did this before it was popular and lost a lot of friends. I was a girl that liked future, 21, and young thug better than Taylor swift. I was told I followed the beat of my own drum. I never could find my place.but there was this moment I’ll never forget . We were at the gas station. I remember my short blond hair blowing in the wind or maybe touching it because it was in my face. This blond boy in my passenger seat he gave me this “I love her look” and nobody ever looked at me like that. The moment paused and I ruined it with my awkwardness as per usual. I said with an attitude and I didn’t know why it came out like that. I not remember the reply and it doesn’t matter because he left too. I thought we were going to figure it out together. I hope he’s ok. I hope he’s living life happier, with less anxiety. It’s not all your fault, and we deserve to live. I appreciated having someone to spend time with even if it was just physical presence. I knew you weren’t for me when you didn’t kiss me in the dugout, I felt your energy. I miss your energy sometimes.. your witchcraft right? ha. but there is no feelings left because I had always hoped I’d see Joshua again.
I was scared and my energy was contagious. Until I was crippled by the feelings associated with being an empath. The love I knew came from the hood. I was taken out of the ghetto and never really could change that “Rihana” mentality. The richest woman in the world. Well spoken, truth teller (at the time), beautiful (I’m as straight as they come, but acknowledge aesthetics and beauty in all its forms. ) colored woman ready to fight to change the world. For everyone, not just herself. She reminded me of Will Smith. Up until 2019/20 both of them were my favourites. I loved what they stood up for and the roles they decided to take on. I could talk all day about art and people and philosophy. I cared. I loved them for choosing roles and making speeches that went hand in hand with hard challenging topics of social norms. I loved Miley Cyrus and how all of them weren’t afraid to go against the grain to make a positive difference even if that meant confrontation and scrutiny.
I have my own thoughts and opinions and had been able to speak about them until now. I’m never afraid to hurt feelings because that’s never my intentions. Sometimes people want their feelings to be hurt and that is their problem.
I learned a lot about myself. I finally know who I am. I can define my wants and desires. I can speak. Something I had been trying to learn how to do since my super woman highschool teacher had us listen and read the book speak as a class.
I had to lose everything to fight the conditioning.
I won, but to everyone else it looked like a loss on paper.
Im hurting extra,dirty devil I’m a mess and I want to say thanks to the people that I use to to know. Thanks to the universe for all the subliminal messages and the love I knew was directed towards me. I love you too and it’s been appreciated every step of the way. I still believe in god. I do not believe in good as much, but I know it exists and I pray that it finds me. I know I have my own views, my own thoughts, and my own opinions. I fought conditioning and turned my own life around. I stopped allowing doctors and people to place labels on me. I decided to just be what everyone else is so scared to be. My authentic self unapologetically. I have emotions and I am human, I walk on water just like Sasha the fiercer. Except I am myself with all of my own nick names.
I have loved and I have lost. everything. my friends, my family, my sanity, my house, my life (i flatlined).
This is my story.
I know the truth. It’s hard to tell. It’s too much small details that fall through the cracks in our system and get lost in translation during the time wasted on trying to win a miss congeniality contest that never existed, right Castile? Where my Demon hunters at.. huh dean? I’m just joking with you.
You know just joshing with you. It turns out the love of my life was a joke but I choose to think about it like the well written country song. “Your memory is something I don’t mess with, the one that I was the best with.” I still love you no matter why you decided to waste time with me. I know what I felt and I know that you cared and nobody will ever be able to take away, what I know we had. Not ever.
Okay okay, now hear me out. This guy. I miss him and I never thought another boy would ever touch me again. He hugged me almost everyday. He was shaking with feelings that he knew he had to fight for many reasons with the main reason being respect. He’s a good person, despite all the evil inside of (or surrounding) him. I wanted to love him. I will never love anyone the way I did josh. I care about this boy and I never want to let it go. I want you to stay, because it doesn’t seem over yet. I still need you, and that’s something I am usually good about. I know you need me too. I remember crying and you holding me in your arms. I felt loved. I know it was mixed with a thousand of our emotions that weren’t always the same, but there was some sort of connection. I’m not sure if it will last forever, but I know that you mean something to me and I can’t give up on you yet. I still care you, but trust you less and less. I still care about you, I still want you. I know we have a lot of things to work through, but I want to see what it’s like to have a relationship that two people care enough to work on it. I think you’re someone I can change for. I think you’re someone I can work with on things with. I think you’re someone I could build with. I love lots of little things about your personality or your traits.
It’s hard for me to move on, I just can’t. every-time we hang up I know I’m going to hear from you. I just get this feeling, that I know I’m still meant to be with you for some reason. I left, and wanted to few things out. I have some place I could be, and other people I could spend time with but I don’t want them all. I want you. I enjoy our talks, it makes me feel better hearing your voiceeee. I didn’t realize how much I cared about you. Sometimes I laugh when I’m sad and I know that’s crazy, but it’s about how much I care about you. It’s like a laugh when I realize my care. I trusted you. You think it’s disrespect, but it’s how I show my love and care. I’m honest. I’ll be honest with you. You never have, but you could cry in front of me and it would make me love you more. I like that you show care. You’re more intelligent than me emotionally and in other ways too. I’m more intuitive than you and I feel like we still have good conversations. You never make me feel dumb and I love you for that. I have so much gratitude for all the time that you wasted on me and for every time you showed me that I was still worth spending time with. I don’t want easy I wanted crazy. I now want simplicity and serendipity. I want love and respect and I want to give it. I want to give humility and I want to shower you with physical affection all of the time. I’ve never craved touching someone else.
That’s how I know that I loved you all differently. Love is a feeling that’s personal and you share emotions with others. Trauma influences how you show other people your care for them. And then the unexplainable science that nobody else can feel is what I fall in love with; and mannerisms. I will always be my eccentric self, and there is no way to change it. “It’s just how you are”.
I guess we almost reached ten years. I am not sure if I have ever been loved by the people I loved, but I know that at some point there was energy that was meaningful on both sides.
I have things in the making. I have hope, still; people are trying to break it or take it all away. The hate will only make me stronger. I am never going to fold, I am going to keep pushing. I am going to keep showing my emotions (all of them) I will keep asking for forgiveness, and I will keep trying to be positive. Clear eyes, full heart. I will keep on my square with my hands interlocked behind my back, praying with my hands tied. Somehow, I will be the one to beat the odds and to make history with my creed.
I am proud of who I made myself to be through everything. If you can’t respect me or love me, I will for myself and I will be polite to you. I will let others think I am stupid, I will let others think however they think about me. “What other people think of me,is none of my business.”
I have worked and I am going to beat the odds. I am going to win. I am going to prosper. I will build friends, family. I acknowledge my sanity; my court cases I’m going to succeed. Clear eyes (no matter what color), full heart. There will be housing and I can’t wait for everyone to see how a girl and her dog changed the world or her world; built her life from the dust of everything that had been lost.
I can’t wait to update you with my success stories.
Ps- I can’t imagine anyone actually reading until the end. ✨🤍💛 if you did send some glitter. (Light it’s always been my thing). don’t mind my funny title I use it to get rid of the haters, or those who can’t follow.

Drive-Away Dolls (2024)
MLZ MAP (Score): 94.68 / Zedd MAP (Score): 90.69 / Score Gap: 3.99
New to Our Collection
IMDb Summary: Jamie regrets her breakup with her girlfriend, while Marian needs to relax. In search of a fresh start, they embark on an unexpected road trip to Tallahassee. Things quickly go awry when they cross paths with a group of inept criminals.
Starring Margaret Qualley, Geraldine Viswanathan, Beanie Feldstein, Colman Domingo, Pedro Pascal, Bill Camp, and Matt Damon.
This film was a highly anticipated film around the Zedd homestead. We had planned a theatre visit, but did not make it, so I put in a pre-order for it and expected to have a long wait. It said likely to ship in December. It ended up being a great surprise when it showed up last week!
Directed by Ethan Coen and written by Coen and his wife Tricia Cooke, the idea of this film was born in the early 2000’s and took a long time to grow up all the way into a very adult-themed movie. This is not something to watch with your family, for sure.
Led by the two gorgeous but very different ladies, Margaret Qualley as Jamie and Geraldine Viswanathan as Marian, we truck off on an adventure in a not-so brand new Chrysler K-Car in order to get from Philadelphia to Tallahassee. Jamie needs to catch her breath after a nasty break-up, and Marian needs some fun, and how!
There are tiny but very key parts for Pedro Pascal, Miley Cyrus, and Matt Damon. Joey Slotnick is awesome as a slick-talking (he thinks) thug who looks only slightly like the actor from a sitcom that has stayed in our minds for some reason since it was on TV in the mid-1990’s called The Single Guy.
I agree with writer Tomris Laffly of RogerEbert.com when she says “There is a disarming what the hell, why notquality to Cooke and Coen's writing, with the carefree words and actions of Jamie and Marian jovially bouncing off the page and landing on the viewers' eyes and ears with the same jubilant vigor.”
A couple of the stars of the film might have some familiar qualities, if not names. Margaret Qualley is the daughter of beautiful Andie MacDowell and Beanie Feldstein is the younger sister of Jonah Hill.
It was a seriously fun film, with a decent amount of love, sex, travel, food, and a wonderful MacGuffin. Our stars really get a head in this adventure, but all in all, Zedd notes that it feels like there is a tiny something missing (and he’s not talking about the thing NOT in the case.)
I believe we’ll grab this off the shelf again soon and Movie On with these fantastic ladies. After all…as long as we’re here…
((Marian: We don't need to see the world's largest Dixie cup.
Jamie: We don't need to enjoy life, but as long as we're here.))

Drive-Away Dolls (2024)
MLZ MAP (Score): 94.68 / Zedd MAP (Score): 90.69 / Score Gap: 3.99
New to Our Collection
IMDb Summary: Jamie regrets her breakup with her girlfriend, while Marian needs to relax. In search of a fresh start, they embark on an unexpected road trip to Tallahassee. Things quickly go awry when they cross paths with a group of inept criminals.
Starring Margaret Qualley, Geraldine Viswanathan, Beanie Feldstein, Colman Domingo, Pedro Pascal, Bill Camp, and Matt Damon.
This film was a highly anticipated film around the Zedd homestead. We had planned a theatre visit, but did not make it, so I put in a pre-order for it and expected to have a long wait. It said likely to ship in December. It ended up being a great surprise when it showed up last week!
Directed by Ethan Coen and written by Coen and his wife Tricia Cooke, the idea of this film was born in the early 2000’s and took a long time to grow up all the way into a very adult-themed movie. This is not something to watch with your family, for sure.
Led by the two gorgeous but very different ladies, Margaret Qualley as Jamie and Geraldine Viswanathan as Marian, we truck off on an adventure in a not-so brand new Chrysler K-Car in order to get from Philadelphia to Tallahassee. Jamie needs to catch her breath after a nasty break-up, and Marian needs some fun, and how!
There are tiny but very key parts for Pedro Pascal, Miley Cyrus, and Matt Damon. Joey Slotnick is awesome as a slick-talking (he thinks) thug who looks only slightly like the actor from a sitcom that has stayed in our minds for some reason since it was on TV in the mid-1990’s called The Single Guy.
I agree with writer Tomris Laffly of RogerEbert.com when she says “There is a disarming what the hell, why notquality to Cooke and Coen's writing, with the carefree words and actions of Jamie and Marian jovially bouncing off the page and landing on the viewers' eyes and ears with the same jubilant vigor.”
A couple of the stars of the film might have some familiar qualities, if not names. Margaret Qualley is the daughter of beautiful Andie MacDowell and Beanie Feldstein is the younger sister of Jonah Hill.
It was a seriously fun film, with a decent amount of love, sex, travel, food, and a wonderful MacGuffin. Our stars really get a head in this adventure, but all in all, Zedd notes that it feels like there is a tiny something missing (and he’s not talking about the thing NOT in the case.)
I believe we’ll grab this off the shelf again soon and Movie On with these fantastic ladies. After all…as long as we’re here…
((Marian: We don't need to see the world's largest Dixie cup.
Jamie: We don't need to enjoy life, but as long as we're here.))

Drive-Away Dolls (2024)
MLZ MAP (Score): 94.68 / Zedd MAP (Score): 90.69 / Score Gap: 3.99
New to Our Collection
IMDb Summary: Jamie regrets her breakup with her girlfriend, while Marian needs to relax. In search of a fresh start, they embark on an unexpected road trip to Tallahassee. Things quickly go awry when they cross paths with a group of inept criminals.
Starring Margaret Qualley, Geraldine Viswanathan, Beanie Feldstein, Colman Domingo, Pedro Pascal, Bill Camp, and Matt Damon.
This film was a highly anticipated film around the Zedd homestead. We had planned a theatre visit, but did not make it, so I put in a pre-order for it and expected to have a long wait. It said likely to ship in December. It ended up being a great surprise when it showed up last week!
Directed by Ethan Coen and written by Coen and his wife Tricia Cooke, the idea of this film was born in the early 2000’s and took a long time to grow up all the way into a very adult-themed movie. This is not something to watch with your family, for sure.
Led by the two gorgeous but very different ladies, Margaret Qualley as Jamie and Geraldine Viswanathan as Marian, we truck off on an adventure in a not-so brand new Chrysler K-Car in order to get from Philadelphia to Tallahassee. Jamie needs to catch her breath after a nasty break-up, and Marian needs some fun, and how!
There are tiny but very key parts for Pedro Pascal, Miley Cyrus, and Matt Damon. Joey Slotnick is awesome as a slick-talking (he thinks) thug who looks only slightly like the actor from a sitcom that has stayed in our minds for some reason since it was on TV in the mid-1990’s called The Single Guy.
I agree with writer Tomris Laffly of RogerEbert.com when she says “There is a disarming what the hell, why notquality to Cooke and Coen's writing, with the carefree words and actions of Jamie and Marian jovially bouncing off the page and landing on the viewers' eyes and ears with the same jubilant vigor.”
A couple of the stars of the film might have some familiar qualities, if not names. Margaret Qualley is the daughter of beautiful Andie MacDowell and Beanie Feldstein is the younger sister of Jonah Hill.
It was a seriously fun film, with a decent amount of love, sex, travel, food, and a wonderful MacGuffin. Our stars really get a head in this adventure, but all in all, Zedd notes that it feels like there is a tiny something missing (and he’s not talking about the thing NOT in the case.)
I believe we’ll grab this off the shelf again soon and Movie On with these fantastic ladies. After all…as long as we’re here…
((Marian: We don't need to see the world's largest Dixie cup.
Jamie: We don't need to enjoy life, but as long as we're here.))