When crafting characters for your stories, consider the following advice for a compelling class presentation:

1. Depth and Complexity:
   
   • Develop characters with depth by exploring their backgrounds, motivations, and fears.
   • Consider the complexity of human nature, incorporating both strengths and flaws to create well-rounded characters.
2. Relatability:
   
   • Make characters relatable by giving them qualities or experiences that resonate with your audience.
   • Showcase universal emotions, struggles, or aspirations that connect the characters to the readers or viewers.
3. Consistency and Growth:
   
   • Ensure consistency in character traits and behaviors, but allow for growth and change over the course of the story.
   • Characters should evolve based on their experiences, making them dynamic and engaging for your audience.
4. Unique Voices:
   
   • Give each character a distinctive voice and personality to make them memorable.
   • Consider individual speech patterns, mannerisms, and perspectives that set characters apart from one another.
5. Conflict and Relationships:
   
   • Introduce conflicts that challenge your characters, driving the narrative forward.
   • Explore the dynamics of relationships, whether friendships, romances, or conflicts, to add depth and intrigue.
6. Show, Don't Tell:
   
   • Use actions, dialogue, and reactions to reveal character traits rather than explicitly stating them.
   • Allow your audience to infer characteristics through the characters' choices and interactions.
7. Symbolism and Motifs:
   
   • Incorporate symbolism or recurring motifs that reflect aspects of your characters.
   • This adds layers to your narrative, providing subtle cues about character traits or story themes.
8. Backstories and World-building:
   
   • Create detailed backstories even if not explicitly shared in the story, as these shape character motivations.
   • Consider the world your characters inhabit, as it influences their perspectives and choices.
9. Reader Empathy:
   
   • Elicit empathy by portraying characters facing relatable challenges or dilemmas.
   • Engage your audience emotionally, fostering a connection that keeps them invested in the characters' journeys.
10. Feedback and Revision:
    
    • Seek feedback on your characters from peers or writing groups to gain diverse perspectives.
    • Be open to revising and refining your characters based on constructive criticism for a more impactful narrative.

Whenever I try to search for friendship advice, I see this advice. And yea it is common sense. but I don’t know if it is a me issue, or it is something actually other people experience, that sometimes reflection interferes with the process of having a natural engagement. Especially in cases where you are around people who are really different from you, but you can feel that they are putting an effort to understand you and make you feel comfortable, and that they like you, for reasons you are not really clear about them. In the middle of interactions I fear codependency, trauma bonding and all other type of unhealthy patterns of human interaction, and I start asking myself whether I am going to end up somewhere horrible and just hurt people behind me at the same time. But even being aware of that, and even though I can get along if I had the energy to do so, I find myself lagging and zoning out, thinking if this is bad for me, and I start being hesitant about opening up more because it makes me feel like I am going to fake reciprocation. Does that make sense?? Are these feelings of discomfort arising from personal issues and insecurities or an actual thing going on? If I decided to stay just to fix my conception or to explore, is it fair for the other side? If I gave up one day on fixing my problems, how could I explain this to anyone? At the same time I noticed the pattern of unconditional respect, both from my side and their side, I notice how these people allowed me and exposed me to situations where I grew, and I see myself maybe decades after having their impact memorable. I noticed how I actually failed in a lot of their attempts to help, yet they are still there. Is that feeling that I need to adjust based on my own problem or external factors? I feel so lost sometimes. The thing is that I forced myself to endure on those friendships because we are humans who are constantly searching for growth and new life experiences, those who I mix with naturally are nice, maybe caring and amazing people, but most of the times they are not willing to explore or try, they are just a comfortable version of myself, the one that doesn’t even bother to step out until it has reached college. I know I am over analyzing this, Maybe I have a sort of mental health issue that cause me to think this way but I get really numb if i didn’t process such thoughts. but I have to do it one more time at least before I decide to move on. Is it bad to get closer to people like that? Does anyone relate?

Hi all,
Can't remember the last time I posted here. I have had a lot of therapists for different things over the years, but there's always been a lot of shame about my MRA and incel adjacent past. It's still there a little bit despite having been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years now.
I am not sure exactly what feelings trigger it (well, quite often it's Facebook posts and acquaintances) but sometimes I will get a sporadic urge to Google stuff like "are women smarter than men", "do men have too much confidence", "am I treating my women like a therapist", "will women feel better and safer if I think of myself as a weak loser" etc. The algorithm has also fed me a lot of feminist and women's adjacent support groups, stuff from TwitteX, generally viral content. Lastly, my best friend has recently come out as a non-binary person and I came out as bicurious to my dad, which was has been quite a big change and meant that we have been talking a lot about gender, sexism, feminism and stuff. It's been good for our friendship, actually--but also has been very strange, since they lived abroad until 2019, and they only really started to think at length about politics a little before then. So I'd been down playing my engagement in MRA spaces for years, and the few times that my 'redpill rage' had come out had been, let's just say awkward and unpleasant for everyone.
I have always felt a weird mix of a feeling of pain or discomfort reading "ugh men" vents (such that it sets off my anxiety) and an inability to walk away from it unphased. Historically I used to argue with the positions (i.e. I was a debate bro), and eventually as with many guys in my situation, I ended up in the MRA and antifeminist spaces including TRP.
The support I got from men's spaces was, in fairness, mixed, not straightforwardly terrible. There are people who are antifeminist and support feminine men (in fact they are mainly against feminism for, in their mind, not being fully supportive of men's liberation) and there are people (mainly conservatives and traditionalists) who basically hate feminine men or men breaking gender roles *even more* than they hate feminists or women breaking them. In fact, to my surprise misogyny and embrace of queer and GNC men does not always have a strict correlation; some of my friends from this period were gay misogynists who did a self-consciously homoerotic MGTOW praxis. Despite this I was never quite comfortable, especially around the tradcons, and I felt like my egalitarian tendencies were policed so as to fit the political image of a good non-feminist.
At some point a few years ago I turned against the MRM and especially redpill. In my mind this is a famous turn, I know that sounds like Main Character Syndrome and it kind of is, but it feels fairly integral to my personal growth. It was near the end of this period that I started getting close to my now-partner, too. Generally 2020-2022 were painful but strangely remembered as a mostly *good* period of my life, and especially for my social media friendship network. (Yes, the lockdown, I know, it was strange)
The last year or so has felt slightly more stagnant. I've felt a bit better in the last month, but from, like, September-March or something I felt pretty low and frustrated that I wasn't making progress while people were growing and moving on without me.
A lot of people who I was sufficiently close to to not cut off question whether this turn (basically becoming self-conscious about my history and the dormant misogyny) was entirely healthy, as it seemed like at first I was downplaying my grievances with feminism in order to fit in with progressives as part of political organising. Later on it seemed as if my efforts to fit in had resulted in me internalising guilt *for* being a man, which was harmful since fitting in in such spaces failed. (I made more friends outside of activist communities than in)
I couldn't understand how critiques could be made without internalising it? Like, in my mind, if men were causing most of society's problems in virtue of our socialisation, then it would be on me to be less outspoken, more self-doubting, more agreeable and so on. I found myself becoming more of a female/femme supremacist, in fact. This was crazy to people who had known me as MGTOW, etc.
I realised that this interpretation of the vents might be a problem when I had boundary issues with a friend (close and online). He confessed to having a crush on me and asked me out, and it took around 2 months. During this time, he was sending me gay porn or romantic yaoi against my will, saying 'Us' and basically shipping us with the characters. I was advised that I had actually been sexually harassed and was absolutely entitled to be so blunt with him. Instead I felt partially a sense of affinity and pity for his loneliness (as he is lonely), and in part a guilt because he's in the closet irl. It felt like I had a duty as an LGBT ally to give him a space to express himself. We are still friends but the boundary issues are still there and it does frustrate me. Neither of us handled low contact very well.
As to my 'debate bro' tendencies--I shifted away from gender stuff and started studying philosophy for myself. However, this comes with more self-doubt spirals, which I seem prone to. Firstly, I've just lost the same confidence to discuss stuff as I had with men's and gender issues, since I'm painfully aware I'm a noob/student and have soooo much to learn. There aren't a lot of women I encounter into the topic (at least as amateurs--I have met and befriended or sought counsel from some wonderful retired professors) and I am not sure why. I could understand it in academia due to the discrimination, but why not online? Regardless, It's as if more people were interested in giving their take on relationship scenarios and general life stuff than this.
Secondly, I have a strangely *gendered* imposter syndrome. When I am offline I'm more grounded but when I've been reading and talking to myself for a while I start engaging in what I suppose is magical thinking, that the reason they (women) don't engage is because they are ahead of me, they already know it all and now it's boring to them. There is this persistent idea that women in general think I'm an idiotic manchild and I have to figure out how to change that because I feel chronically behind in everything I do. I extrapolate this from how smart and successful a lot of my fb girl friends are.
Sometimes it feels like not everyone has liked the personality changes I've gone through. After around half a year of being somebody I'd be casually DMing about stuff on the reg, one of my friends (again a femme-presenting/socialised non-binary person, they/she) suddenly U-turned. They decided they didn't want to hear my vents anymore and that I needed therapy for OCD and relationship problems (as I had vented to this friend about frustrations with my girlfriend and metamour, this being a poly LDR.) They did not cut me off entirely but they did stop engaging with a lot of my posts then (often ruminating.) This was difficult for me since this friend, she was one of the reasons I got out of the incel headspace in the first place, and I admit I had a crush on her for a while. It particularly hurt that she said that if I persist then she will expect payment as if a therapist, since to my mind this was basically somebody taking away my Normal Guy card and putting me back in incel state. In fairness, they seem to have decided to leave Facebook. But I still have some feeling of abandonment which keeps coming up in therapy. I hadn't really perceived that there had been underlying tensions about sharing stuff, and had thought our conversations were quite balanced and covered a lot of things. Naturally this led me to obsess and ruminate over emotional labour, which were only made worse when I came to this friend for support after being physically assaulted on my way home (they set the boundary before I actually got to share the story.) Fortunately my partner doesn't (as far as I know) feel like I expect too much or at least feels that I reciprocate.
The friend *did* recommend and refer me to an online OCD support group, and I have tried to engage with the recommended support group. It has been useful to some extent, particularly to encourage me to reconsider compulsive reassurance seeking--but it didn't really fully help with my feelings of e.g. assertiveness. I have felt that talk therapy would benefit me even if I would still need to work on reducing my *public* venting
My therapist (who is not primarily an OCD specialist). Her advice so far has been
i) That given what I had shared about my childhood experiences at home and in school, my thought patterns sound more like trauma than misogyny (I feel guilt whenever I feel or express anger at my mom though)
ii) That being disabled and neurodivergent, I technically have my own intersection which should be taken into account when hearing vents about men, patriarchy, male privilege etc.
iii) That social media generally, owing to the negative comparison behaviour, and *particularly* compulsively reading safe spaces, owing to the above points, might not be doing well for my mental health (at least not right now)
iv) That if anything we need to focus on my being MORE selfish and focussed on my own feelings, because I often either rationalise or start justifying how others treat me based upon their own issues and life context, which derails the session by giving e.g. my mum's, friends' life story, placing our conversations in social context of systemic power structures and so on.
I am really not sure how to handle that information, especially the stuff about trauma--i.e. that I might *not* be a closet misogynist even if I feel like it when I have the 'not all men' defensive reaction. I feel like a troll even sharing this. How do I know that the stuff which is exhausting me isn't just basic caregiving stuff women have been expected to do forever? etc.
What I do know is that my rumination is (as the friend who's withdrawn). The most noticeable symptom is just that it fuels social media addiction, which of course means that I either don't get to do my own hobbies (or studies) or that I socialise less. Which is obviously a problem considering you have to be proactive when dating in poly, and I want to build my social skills anyway. The second is that it's made me hypervigilant to doing 'selfish' things. I have not stopped exercising entirely, but I have been unable to keep up with the gym/strength training as it's time consuming to get to the gym. My girlfriend is aware of my people pleasing tendencies, but I still feel like I'm being a bad partner when I'm unavailable for dates because I'm outside. But I also feel ashamed that I'm inconsistent with training; I am not out of shape by general health standards, but I am by instagram fitness culture. This sets off yet another rumination, since I've followed a lot of athletes and influencers, that the fact I don't look like them but instead waste my time on social media debate *is* because I'm stupid, and that my insecurity about this is its own kind of misogyny, etc.
Thanks to everyone who read all of that. Not sure how to tl;dr but the essence is I';m not sure what to make of my therapist's advice, really. It seems to contradict the zeitgeist, and discussing it anywhere except *in* therapy seems to enable sexist trolls and just generally be a shitty thing to do. But...I can't afford this forever, heh
​

For years, it felt like the social media landscape didn’t change much.

New apps came, new apps went, and the last one to really make a dent in the market was TikTok back in 2020.

But in the nine months since billionaire Elon Musk bought Twitter, there has been a flurry of activity — multiple copycat apps have been released as users seek an alternative as the bird app changes under new leadership. The latest rival, Threads, was launched by Facebook-parent Meta and got a stunning start earlier this month.
CNN broke down some of the biggest and buzziest social media platforms — how they work, who they’re for and who runs them.

Facebook … when you’re looking for community (or used furniture)

With more than 2 billion daily users around the world, it’s tricky to describe the stereotypical Facebook user. Some come for Facebook Marketplace, which lets users buy and sell everything from vintage furniture to used cars. Many others come looking for community — whether that’s photo updates from their great aunt’s bridge night, or online groups dedicated to new parents or people navigating health challenges. But some of those communities have created serious issues, including groups that have spread vaccine misinformation or those that used the platform to help organize the January 6, 2021, US Capitol attack.

Instagram … when you’re looking to feel envious

What started as a photo-sharing app for friends has morphed into a place where the goal is apparently to try to make yourself look hotter, more fun and more well-traveled than everyone else. Whether you’re looking at “lifestyle” tips from influencers, sponsored fashion or home décor content or photos from your high school crush’s summer Italy trip — it’s all there. That culture can make the platform fun and inspirational, but it’s also raised concerns about the app’s impact on users’ mental health, especially for young girls.

Pinterest … when you’re looking for inspiration

Pinterest lets users easily search for and organize visual-heavy inspiration on a wide range of creative topics. Planting a garden? Planning a wedding? Renovating an old home by hand? This is the platform for you. Pinterest has also been rolling out features to let users shop directly from their feeds.

TikTok … when you’re looking for entertainment

TikTok is no longer just an app for dancing teens, but many people still scroll (and scroll, and scroll) the shortform video app when they’re looking to be entertained. The platform serves up zippy videos on everything from news and book recommendations to comedy and “get ready with me” style makeup tutorials, and sometimes content about conspiracy theories or solving crime.

Snapchat … when you’re looking to chat with friends

Snapchat is generally known as the platform young people use to exchange quick, real-time photos or messages with their friends or family. The photos and chats disappear by default, so the app feels more ephemeral than other platforms designed to help users cultivate an online persona (although some parents and lawmakers have raised concerns about the safety for young people of an app where content disappears). Snapchat is also known for popularizing face-altering filters.

YouTube… when you’re looking for something to watch

The original video-based social network, YouTube has over the years brought the internet hits like “Charlie Bit My Finger,” “Keyboard Cat” and “David After Dentist” and launched countless influencers’ careers. YouTube has in recent years worked to crack down on various forms of misinformation, although it recently rolled back a policy that had prohibited election denialism content. The platform is now trying to take on TikTok with its “YouTube Shorts” short video feature.

Nextdoor … when you’re looking for info about your neighborhood

If you want to gossip about the neighbor who refuses to cut their lawn, advertise a garage sale, seek help finding a lost dog or ask for tips on where to send your kids for summer camp, Nextdoor will be helpful. The platform lets users connect with other people in their immediate geographic area — but please, be nice.

Discord … when you’re looking to play the same game with your friends

This free text, voice and video chat service is known for its popularity with teens and video gamers. The platform, which feels sort of like an evolution from early AOL chat rooms, now hosts community forums for everything from union organizers and hiking groups to meme enthusiasts and people interested in the metaverse. But Discord has also received attention for its dark side, including issues like racist memes, sexually explicit content and, recently, being the site of a major leak of US classified documents.

Twitch … when you’re looking to watch someone else play your favorite games

Imagine YouTube, but where every video on the front page is a live feed of somebody playing a video game. Countless streamers compete for your loyalty on camera as they crack jokes, respond to their viewers’ text chats and try to pull off the most exciting plays. The platform, which has been known to host a politician or two, also promotes video streams devoted to music, art, sports, and cooking.

LinkedIn … when you’re looking to network

Long gone are the days when LinkedIn was merely a place to publicly post your resume and update it only once every few years when looking for a new job. Now, the platform is a place for users to post career updates, share news and, for some, to pontificate on their thoughts about remote working, how to raise venture capital or how to choose the right candidate to hire. Beware of the occasional CEO tearfully discussing their company’s layoffs.

Truth Social … when you’re looking for right-wing political commentary

This alternative, Twitter copycat platform backed by Donald Trump launched last year as a way for the former president to reach his fans after being suspended from mainstream platforms in the wake of the January 6, 2021, attack on the US Capitol. The platform remains largely populated by Trump and his associates, as well as other far-right political and media figures. The app also features a range of spammy advertisers, hawking things like a “free guide” for “US Dollar Doomsday” or “purple liquid” that “burns body fat like crazy.”

Reddit … when you’re looking to learn about niche subjects

Billing itself as the “front page of the internet,” Reddit is one of the few remaining social platforms that still feels like a giant watercooler discussion. The platform offers up a veritable smorgasbord of topics users can either flit between casually — a cute chinchilla video here, a literary discussion there — or follow down a deep rabbit hole. Its communities are self-managed, relying on volunteer users to make forum-specific rules and to moderate content. Lately, however, Reddit has alienated some of its users with some unpopular business decisions.

Twitter (aka X) … when you’re looking for what’s going on (for now)

For years, Twitter was a central hub for real-time news. It was a place for ordinary people to read and engage in conversation with celebrities, business leaders and other newsmakers. But the platform has been upended since billionaire Elon Musk bought it last October. He has made a series of controversial changes and policy decisions — such as cuts to staff and restoring accounts of previously banned users, including some neo-Nazis — that have left many users and advertisers seeking alternative platforms. Most recently, Musk did away with Twitter’s iconic bird logo and replaced it with “X” branding.

Threads … when you’re looking for musings from your favorite influencers, celebs and journalists

The latest Twitter competitor, Threads, was launched by Facebook and Instagram parent company Meta. The platform looks a lot like Twitter, with a feed of largely text-based posts — in addition to photos and videos — where people can have real-time conversations. The app attracted a stunning 100 million signups within a week of its launch, although usage has slowed somewhat since. But unlike Twitter, Threads says it doesn’t plan to lean heavily into news content and an influx of Instagram influencers has given it a tamer vibe.

Bluesky Social … when you’re looking for an alternative to Twitter

This Twitter copycat app, backed by Twitter co-founder and former CEO Jack Dorsey, calls itself a site for “microblogging.” It looks nearly identical to Twitter, albeit without key features like hashtags and direct messages. But the app runs on a decentralized network, providing users with more control over how the service is run, data is stored and content is moderated. The app is invite-only, so its audience and feed remain limited, but it gained early traction from public figures looking to spend less time on Twitter, including Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and model Chrissy Teigen.

No longer work in a shop so I had to make do with what was on hand.
Coworker came in on a flat. We had a similar sized tire on a training vehicle but wrong lug pattern. Dismounted the tires with a bottle jack against the bumper, spooned off the tires with flatheads, used a ratchet strap to cinch up the tire while setting the bead.
Man do I not miss roadside tire mounting. That shit was hard work that I’m happy is no longer part of my days.

This is the weekly recap of approx. 144 monetized posts from Kylea and Joseph "Joe" Gomez of Kylea G. Weight loss Journey.
(For anyone following longer, she has/they have made approx. 399 posts in 3 weeks. 😲)
💰 🤑 💸 💲 🪙 💶 💰
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Royal Caribbean or WW. I am not a mental health professional. These opinions are my own based on social media content, medical sources, Missouri public court records, and internet searches used primarily to estimate/locate purchases on actual/potential purchases. Due to Kylea heavily editing many posts 3+ times it was difficult to keep up with posts that had been edited vs delete/reposts. I wish no harm to Kylea or Joe Gomez.
Financial Disclosure: I am not a paid content creator or influencer. I have made $0.00 from my work.
"Do not save what is left after spending but spend what is left after saving." Warren Buffett
The tagline of Kylea G Weight loss Journey is, "I changed my life with prayer and a playlist of songs. No surgery, no meds. Just Jesus."
Of the approx. 144 monetized posts last week on the topic of faith:
0/144 discussed which version of the Bible she prefers.
0/144 revealed her church home, a service she attended online/in person, or how she worships when traveling.
0/144 discussed a personal/group Bible study she completes/attends.
0/144 were a favorite scripture or Bible quote.
Of the approx. 144 monetized posts on the topic of music:
5/144 discussed the impact of music on her life.
Of the approx. 144 monetized posts on the topic of health:
4/144 posts contained intentional movement that could possibly be considered exercise
0/144 shared a food, water, or exercise log
0/144 discussed meditation, deep breathing, attending grief group, or therapy for her mental health
0/144 shared reputable medical sources for nutrition or weight loss content. (She mentions WW points but does not list a website or how to access their app.)
0/144 shared a recommendation for another weight loss influencer to follow
0/144 shared a source for recipes
0/144 shared a recipe
So, what is her "weight loss" content about? Let's dive into her purchases to find out.
📢 Disclaimer: Kylea was secretive about the money spent on her Mom and Stepdad for this all expense paid cruise. I strongly feel that these estimates may be lower than the actual amount spent. Buckle in 🚗
Her subtotal from 04/21/24-04/27/24 was $10,094.76 + all applicable taxes, tips, and fees.
(For anyone following longer, her 3 week combined subtotal is $13,193.79 + all applicable taxes, tips, and fees.)
🚨 Per Missouri public court records, she has not satisfied her current medical judgment and is only able to pay $25 per month.
Weekly Takeout Purchases: $154 est + tips
Sunday 04/21/24 Dutch Bros for KG= $8 est + tip; *Possible Dutch Bros for 3 adults= $24 est + tip; Sunflower Bakery & Cafe for 2= $25 est + tip; *Possible Sunflower Bakery & Cafe for 2= $25 est + tip; Starbucks for KG & Joe= $16 est + tip;
Monday 04/22/24 Starbucks Flavored Tea for KG= $6 est + tip; Starbucks Flavored Tea for KG= $6 est + tip;
Wednesday 04/24/24 Starbucks cold brew for KG= $8 est + tip;
Thursday 04/25/24 Starbucks coffee for KG= $8 est + tip; Fresh Pineapple Stand for 2= $5 est + tip; *Possible Fresh Pineapple Stand for 2= $5 est + tip; Coca Cola & Diet Coke at bar on excursion= $5 est + tip; *Possible beverages for 2= $5 est + tip;
Friday 04/26/24 Starbucks Cold Brew for KG= $8 est + tip
📢 These additional shopping/travel expenses do NOT reflect her rent, utilities, phone, 2 car payments, etc.
Additional shopping/travel expenses: $9,940.76 + all applicable taxes, tips, fees
Sunday 04/21/24 Gas from Houston, TX to Galveston, TX= (51mi/33mpg) x $3.85 est = $5.95 est; Target= unknown
Wednesday 04/24/24 Magnet souvenir= $7.99 est; Palo Alto Cafe Artesenal 100% Hondureno coffee beans: $12.50 est; LFK Sloth Farm & Full Island= $109 x 4 Adults = $436 + tip; LFK Resort Mini Pig Add On= $20 x 4 Adults= $80 + tip; Taxi round-trip for 4 Adults= $16 est + tip
Thursday 04/25/24 Chacchoben Ruins Tour (taxi included) $58 x 4 Adults= $232 + tip;
Friday 04/26/24 Mr Sanchos All Day Inclusive Pass= $68 x 4 Adults = $272 + tip; Taxi round-trip for 4 Adults= $34 + tip; Custom Neon Friendship Bracelets for Drue and Kylea= $15 est;
Saturday 04/27/24- Royal Caribbean Fees included an estimated 60% off 2nd guest and 35% off photo packages paid in advance. I believe Kylea used a medical exemption to have a different drink package than Joe.
2 interior rooms for 7 nights = $6,592.96 est; Deluxe Beverage Package for 1 Adult= $80 est per person/day = $560 est; Refreshment Package for 3 Adults= $35 est per person/day = $735 est; VOOM Surf & Stream (Internet) for 2 devices for 2 Adults= $18.99 per person/day = $265.86 est; Photo Package up to 50 prints × 2 = $535.50 est; Parking for SUV for 7 days= $140 est;
⚠️ Trigger Warning: Disordered Eating, Mental illness, and Religion
Final thoughts: 🤔 What have you learned in the last 3 weeks via approx. 399 monetized posts or in the last week via 144 monetized posts to help you on your weight loss/health journey?
I learned that Kylea Gomez glorifies disordered eating in the name of Jesus for monetary gain. She ate 1/4 to 1/5 of her allotted WW points most days of this cruise via photo evidence and posts. I learned she is a vain, narcissist, who I believe is mentally ill, and will exploit anything and everything to live a frivolous lifestyle. She is not budget-wise, financially savvy, and should pay her debt(s). She has NO business offering any form of budgeting or financial advice.
In general, I am frustrated with social media influencers and paid content creators who REFUSE to disclose how, when, and why they are paid. Your "followers" should know the details of your social media income from the platforms and companies you work with so we can make an informed decision on how we spend our time and money. There is a fine line between advocacy/education/influence and dishonesty/hypocrisy/lack of transparency and accountability.
I am fortunate to have grown up without social media. To all influencers and content creators, we don't NEED you. Quite the opposite. Many of us lived without you once. We can do it again. We will hold you accountable.
All info from Reddit. ✌️

First Previous Wiki
Admiral Tenrah returned to the battle map, looking at all the various icons and routes to and from star systems. So far, the Sennes Armada was keeping its pace mostly on track. The delay due to the diplomats from the Misan Li Heptarchies no longer would matter.
King Siran had pulled back from the battlefront against the High Federation in an attempt to pivot to the Hive Union. He had won the battle, but the stragglers included the remaining leadership of the High Federation anyway, so they could continue to remain somewhat organized. The massive civil war would soon spill into a more international affair, due to the King's rhetoric. But that was entirely his fault when he so strongly advocated for the deaths of Cawlarians who had lived on planets for generations that he happened to desire.
And he would not let his name be stained with even the suggestion of a loss. The Battle Planner and Fleet Commander Annabelle Weber were also now on their way to the front, and the diplomats from the Heptarchies were tagging along. Phoebe was in discussions with them now, and supposedly there'd been a few breakthroughs on that front. Whatever she'd promised them or get them to agree to, the fleet buildup along the Hive Union's border with the Heptarchies was slowing.
The Interstellar Gathering seemed to have realized no amount of bluffing would get the High King out of war. Even if he was a proxy force aligned with them, King Siran was not valuable enough for them to risk a wider war. It was just as Tenrah had expected and had told Eyahtni, Kawtyahtnakal, and the Patriarchs when he'd met with them several days ago. Just as a young hatchling couldn't be allowed to stray too far from the nest, there was simply no sense for the Heptarchies to risk economic ruin.
Orith and those who ruled over him would shift their tone while pretending it was a natural decision, not one they'd been forced to make to align with reality.
"I must commend your tactics in the latest training exercise," Tenrah said, ruffling his feathers slightly before respectfully nodding to Annabelle.
"I am pleased to hear such high praise from you, Admiral," the woman said. She was fully dressed in her regulation spacesuit, meaning most of her face was obscured. But Tenrah wouldn't complain since it was more than prudent to be ready for anything. The next unknown ships might not be friendly.
He had also looked into the parties responsible for the lack of communication or warning of the Misan's arrival. As it turned out, general incompetence was to blame. A receiver hadn't been properly calibrated, so the transmission signal had just been noise. He'd given the officer in charge of that an earful before eventually letting up and telling him to do better. A personal visit with the Admiral was one thing. But a second personal visit was quite another.
Tenrah drew a vector toward some of the outer systems controlled by the High King. A few garrison forces were there, but they would be swept away almost instantly. What most concerned him was the shipyards in the region that received most of their metals from a select group of planets in those systems. They were rich in the metals required to forge the alloys needed in the High King's fleet.
The High Federation had been something of a dumping ground for either overthrown species or other alien species that had been deported from their homeworlds before the war broke out. This was reflected in the number of species inhabiting the worlds, each with unique names, traits, and temperaments.
"We plan on taking this path, and then splitting to conquer these systems and disable their metal exporting abilities," he explained. "Then we will move to this system."
He zoomed in more and drew a new vector from where the previous one ended. "We have intelligence that they have at least four planet crackers there. Brey will send FTL suppression satellites through portals on the outer edges, with her portals boosted by our psychic amplifier fields. we will be able to take over the system quickly, and begin the process of either disabling the planet crackers or moving them back to our territory."
"We will need to know the angles the superweapons are at before committing to the battle," Annabelle said. "Otherwise, judging by the trajectory cone you have, we can bypass them entirely and reach Siran within two weeks."
"And that is an interesting proposal. Can you lay out your plan, in that case?"
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Annabelle did so. She and Tenrah discussed the strategy's risks, and they eventually decided that such a tactic, while bold, wouldn't do what they set out to do: ensure the safety of the Cawlarians near the border. They were already trying to evacuate from the coming war front, but cities and planets were large things that took a lot of time to completely empty.
And more garrison forces, whether they were androids from Phoebe or specialized and highly trained defenders from the Union, were still moving in as the civilians evacuated. Kawtyahtnakal had established a fund for them, but many people were too stubborn to leave. Despite the looming threat of war and possible massacre, they still refused to board the passenger ships. Annabelle could respect their tenacity and courage, though she personally believed it was counterproductive.
A few encroaching splinters of Siran's fleet had already struck the evacuation forces. He'd sent around 2% of his ships away to harass all the border systems within reach in an attempt to get the Armada bogged down in defense. But with such small forces and the Union on such high alert, all of the important stations with weak shields were well within the protective layers of planetary shields in the area.
Larger garrisons than necessary were still required, of course, but Tenrah had managed to navigate the desperate concerns of the Feathers and those like them in charge of governing their planets with his natural political skill. He didn't need to ask them for favors because, as an Admiral, he alone held power over how his portion of the fleet would respond. Annabelle had witnessed that loyalty and control well within the organization of his fleet. Even at his advanced age, she continued to be impressed with his adaptability and skill at monitoring three-dimensional battle planes and fields.
She pointed to the cone of possible directions Siran was expected to take. They were generally adjacent to the border, though they would head around the left side of the territory he claimed from the Union. If he reached it, millions of lives would be lost every day. Once he broke the shields entirely, the planets would be utterly glassed down to their mantles.
She'd read up on his methods and had seen videos of them in action. Despite all her training, it still was haunting. The hivemind helped to soothe her when the unpleasant parts of command sizzled up to meet her in the middle of the night.
But they would not impede her on the field of battle. When she went to war, the hivemind suppressed all that wasn't necessary for the mission. It was their agreement, one which she'd asked of it. And being a node of the network meant that her stability was paramount, even more so than her title as Fleet Commander. For if she fell, others could take her place. Protocols ensured and demanded that.
But her place in the hivemind was what allowed it to have any strength this far out. It could form avatars and help with long-range communications, though the main mind back on Earth and Luna obviously remained disconnected from this distance.
"I would normally agree with you, Fleet Commander, but I am reminded of your tactic to use decoy hard light holograms."
"They will suspect that any ships heading right for the barrels, or close enough, are either not valued enough or are the decoys."
"Then all you have to do is make them impossible to ignore," Tenrah said. "I can lend you bombs capable of remaining armed and capable of being triggered inside of hard light holograms, even with jamming involved. Then, they will be unable to ignore them, and the explosions generated would destroy the shields in place around the planet crackers. If they fire the weapons, then the residual magnetic interference will allow us to destroy them, since the shields will be far weakened."
Annabelle could see the potential brilliance of the strategy. But it was just that- potential. In space, there were no obstacles. Without stealth fields, there was no hiding. And with hard light holograms, stealth was obviously off-limits.
They would be left approaching from angles that they would be unable to adapt to. She had her VI plot several routes but was unsatisfied, so she had Edu'frec link into the network to do it. Phoebe had been replaced after contacting a Sprilnav network to ensure she could scrub any programs that may have gotten through to her without distraction.
It would be a terrible thing for a Sprilnav AI to make it to her dreadnaught, for sure.
"We will likely need a threefold diversion at least," Annabelle said. "Maybe fourfold, if we can spare the forces, and brave any minefields that may exist."
"Well," Tenrah began. He pulled up a few schematics of the weapons her dreadnaught carried. "I believe you can solve the minefield issue from a distance, even with the lightspeed limit. After all, they can't move easily. As for the actual attack? I suggest a sixfold flower formation, with a twisting wings accent."
"You will have to show me a diagram of that," Annabelle said, grasping uselessly at the unfamiliar words. Before their integration had begun, there had been a limit to how much doctrine she could memorize.
Tenrah pulled up an image of an alien flower blooming with six petals. And then the image faded, overloading with a stylized ribbon of red shapes. The ribbons spun on their sides every thirty seconds, like corkscrews that were flatter.
"And in this case, the ribbons represent the drone formations. I can send a few carriers into the battle with fighter escorts, though we will need to keep them spread out to avoid any direct lines of sight from the planet crackers."
"I heavily doubt they will waste such shots on carriers," Annabelle said. "And if you commit more, you will overwhelm their defenses. I believe your drones are highly reflective, so only missiles and bullets can deal sufficient damage at the involved speeds and numbers we are working with here."
She tapped the diagram, shifting it by about 45 degrees.
"I believe I can fit a stealth force here, which will engage the back defenses of the planet crackers once they focus their shields frontward. I can likely get a full battlecruiser group in, and if you can press in as a wedge around 10 million kilometers above me from where I come in, and around 30 million kilometers below," Annebelle paused to draw the vectors with her hands, "Then it will aid in my ability to subdue them. It would likely shorten the battle time from a week down to four days."
"Assuming their detection satellites are not capable of seeing it."
"And we will target those too. I believe the first strike can fall on those, since the planet crackers will interfere with their ability to scan behind themselves, and such large power signatures can be noted."
"There is one more problem," Tenrah said. "We are generally working on the assumption of trying to capture these ships, yes?"
"Yes," Annabelle said.
"Then will we board them?"
"Yes, but no. Edu'frec and Phoebe's commando androids will open up the beach heads on the physical surfaces of the planet crackers, while our specialized mental warfare agents will take the fight to them in the mindscape. I assume you have your own plans in that regard?"
"It depends on how we will split the planet crackers. There are 12 in the system. Half and half?"
"That seems prudent," Annabelle replied. She selected the ones that would be most advantageous for her various gambits and strategies to work. They were closer together, which meant more capacity for coordination, mutual aid, and shielding. But it also meant a larger target, one which she could hit from many vectors without worrying about each enemy ship having a wide field of view. Some battlecruisers and cruiser groups were scattered around, but they were not enough to resist the Armada. And once Siran was robbed of a quick way to end the war, the Union would hold the upper hand, capable of committing devastating power to a fleet that remained in a system for a long time.
Yet the same was true for the Union and the Alliance. If the battle took too long, or their command positions were located, then the terrible might of the planet cracker beams would be turned upon them instead. Annabelle's dreadnaught was powerful. More so than all the ones before it. But that didn't mean she wanted to test her shields against alien planet crackers.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Penny was talking to a group of freed slaves on Justicar. These were recent ones who still held quite a bit of trauma. They'd taken to calling her 'Liberator' despite her never identifying herself as such. It was oddly endearing and did make her feel quite a bit better. It was good to just be able to go out and help people.
She felt some perturbations in the mindscape but ignored them. Right now, she needed to ensure that the gangs couldn't continue their horrific industry. She'd taken out most of their heavy equipment and was now waiting for the Guides to finish searching.
Sirens and alarms echoed in the distance. Penny sent psychic energy into her eyes, but she was too far underground to see anything without using the energy itself instead of light to see. Justicar's mind seemed busy, so she couldn't connect with him. As time went on, Penny felt that something was wrong. It was a gut feeling that she couldn't place. But because of that, she was on edge. She made a large shield of psychic energy above them.
She held it for several minutes. Nothing happened, but Penny wouldn't let it down that quickly. Justicar still didn't respond. Her communicator rang. Kashaunta was calling.
"What's going on?" Penny asked.
"The Grand Fleet is-"
Light and heat smashed into her, easily breaking through her shields. She briefly saw tens of thousands of Sprilnav burning before the light overwhelmed her eyes. Her communicator was destroyed. The onslaught was accompanied by a monstrous level of sound. Shockwaves drilled Penny into the melting and fracturing ground, forcing her lower and lower into expanding pools of magma and liquid metal.
The city's upper layers fell upon her, crashing with great and terrible force. But Penny was now fully reinforced with psychic and conceptual energy. She erupted furiously from the rubble. The air around her burned with heat as she continued to accelerate. The armor plates now surrounding her glowed cherry red, but they were white by the time she'd reached space.
She reached the first planetary shield.
"Displace," Penny growled. She forced reality to move as she willed and to place herself where she saw fit. The Grand Fleets were high above, firing upon a small group of ships that had detached from Azeri's fleet. They seemed to be directly attacking the broken-off contingent and not Justicar itself.
So Penny increased her eyesight and analyzed the battle in both real space and the mindscape. Nilnacrawla helped her identify Justicar's targets. The massive Elder was angrier than she'd ever seen him, and his size, which was even larger than Tetelali, made that incarnation of him appear more like a god of wrath. She saw him brutally tear through groups of minds desperately running to avoid him.
She could faintly see spheres of psychic and conceptual energy area denial fields. From this distance, the flagships' strength was truly impressive. Both of them were at least ten times as powerful as Azeri's had been during their battle. It was clear both Kashaunta and Valisada had ordered upgrades.
Then, her attention came to the dreadnaught, which seemed to be at the head of the attack. Penny explored the ship with her psychic power, pushing aside all resistance. Several lasers struck her, but she ignored them, denying their impact in reality against her own.
It glowed with the fury of weapons firing. Missiles and fighters flowed out of its bays. Bullets, nukes, and lasers streamed from red-hot gun barrels. A nuke hit her but didn't explode. She ripped it apart, using the materials to add energy to her reserves.
Justicar continued to go in inside the mindscape. He tore at them like a shark at a school of minnows in a coral reef. His ravenous anger and hatred were frightening, but Penny rapidly got used to it. Calling up her own memories of the innocent people who'd been killed for no reason, Penny wrapped herself in energy and began to erase her signature from the area.
Fighters flew past her, no longer hitting her psychic shields with bullets. Lasers stopped firing at her since she'd moved from her last position, and there was no longer anything for them to track. Penny floated in the stars, with bright blooms of white fusion explosions blossoming around her. And so she moved forward. She reached a cruiser. She reached forward, teleporting past its shields, and shut down the ship's reactor by teleporting all of its fuel into the void.
Soon, a missile from Kashaunta's Grand Fleet found the vessel, and it vanished in another sphere of heat and light. Of course, it was all silent in space. Penny could only hear her heart beating and occasional warnings from Exile or Nilnacrawla at incoming attacks. Exile occupied the area in her ears, which felt weird, but it allowed him to speak without showing himself in the mindscape. Given his nature and the fact that the Grand Fleets likely had detections for speeding space entities, it would be a terrible idea for him to appear there. Nilnacrawla continued to help Penny with the mental aspects of the battle.
He processed the energy input and output that Penny was giving off in the hopes of keeping her off the sensors of the dreadnaught battlegroup. She didn't want to attract the full focus of one of those massive guns. The explosions on Justicar would have been capable of cracking apart a mountain range if not for the extensive dampening Justicar's shields had done. And she'd withstood them only because she could shunt off most of their impact into reality, leaning into her conceptual nature and the nature of Cardinality to escape certain death.
Even with her power, as high as it had ever been, the blow she was taking were the most powerful physical impacts she'd ever endured.
She also suspected Yasihaut's work in this, though she had nothing to prove. She also had to remain vigilant about the Judgment. She couldn't take overly hostile actions, so she didn't just teleport the Sprilnav in the area out of their ships. She tried it on a smaller scale, and a weak pressure from the dreadnaught made her power fail to affect them.
But those Sprilnav were still doomed to die by their commander. But Penny didn't wish to doom the Alliance and herself by taking their deaths into her own hands. And she was stained with enough blood, metaphorical and literal. The ashes of the people she'd freed had fallen away with her ascent into the atmosphere, but the gritty memory and feel of them never would.
Once again, she'd been powerless to save those who'd needed her. And if she'd had that power, what could she have really done? Would she have been forced to stand there and take it? Or could she have really fought back in a way that wouldn't be turned against her in the Judgment? And was she wrong for considering all of that during such a horrendous time, when she'd literally seen thousands of people turned to slag and ash before her very eyes just ten minutes ago?
Penny burned with shame and grief. She hated this. She hated that things always turned to this. Why couldn't the galaxy just leave people alone? Why did there have to be so much suffering? Her anger threatened to overwhelm her, but with a herculean effort from her, Nilnacrawla, and Cardi, it was beaten back.
Penny felt Justicar getting close to breaking through the shield. She sent a small jolt of power to its underside. A thick bolt of psychic lightning infused with rage leaped from her arms, shattering the shield completely and taking roughly half her power. In the dreadnaught, the antimatter reactor she could sense radiating its energy suddenly lost all coolant access.
She pushed her psychic energy into herself and her conceptual energy into words that she harmonized into existence with the force and might of her will.
"Cardinality: One to zero. Reversal."
A heap of her energy left her instantly, stopping a budding explosion from ripping the dreadnaught apart. Justicar absolutely ravaged whoever was inside that ship, including what appeared to be a leader figure in the mindscape. Penny watched Justicar smash the Elder's corpse in his jaws and tear his soul from his body before shredding it violently with a contraption that looked straight out of a horror movie.
She let the explosion go, and so it went. The dreadnaught cracked in half. The Grand Fleets, which had never stopped firing, finally broke through the shields as the circuits failed to supply them with power. Hundreds of thousands of lives winked out instantly, torn to subatomic particles by beams coming from two different flagships. Penny went straight to Kashaunta, appearing on the ship's bridge still in stealth. To their credit, her guards noticed immediately and bared their weapons at her.
The guns that were powerful enough to blast holes in skyscrapers and sturdy enough to withstand a fall from orbit with hardly a scratch unloaded their payloads into her. Penny opened her mouth, and strings of psychic energy writhed outward, wrapping themselves around the guns and wrenching them out of the claws of Kashaunta's guards while the impacts' explosions were contained by thick shields.
Kashaunta herself had already drawn her sword but hadn't moved an inch.
"Penny," she said dryly. "Welcome to my ship. I apologize for your reception."
A new shield came down on both of them, preventing their words from reaching the ears of Kashaunta's subordinates.
"Think nothing of it, Elder Kashaunta. What punishments will be given to the Grand Fleet Commander?"
"Well, technically I am not the Grand Fleet Commander of this fleet," she said. "So that is not really something I can enforce. However, the Grand Fleet Commander of the 85th Grand Fleet does wish to talk with you, Justicar, and myself about what just occurred."
"And you believe him?" she exclaimed.
"He sent transcripts of the message he sent to one Elder Solei, asking him to cease his actions before it was too late."
"Even the Alliance can make deepfakes," Penny said.
"And do you think I would be ignorant of such things, child?" Kashaunta asked. "We have ways around those. That is why we still have a society after billions of years of time to screw it all up. Deepfakes are a problem of less advanced species and cultures, not those with the tools to handle them."
"Which are AIs, which you also ban throughout the galaxy."
"Yes."
"Isn't that hypocritical?"
"Yes, it is," Kashaunta said. "You can go and complain to the Judges who decided that if you wish, though asking them to think of the children instead of preserving the power of the entire Sprilnav species will get you laughed at by a billion mouths."
Penny felt something in her mind take offense to Kashaunta's wording. It didn't feel like it was part of her, but it also did. The shock of all the lives lost hit her again, making her scowl.
"So there will be nothing done?" Penny growled.
"No. Prepare for a neutral and level-headed discussion. If you wish to have any seat at a table such as this, you will conduct yourself with decorum. You will not accuse Elder Valisada of being responsible for whichever fool did this, and you most certainly will not baselessly claim that Yasihaut is at fault for this, even if it is likely that she or her backers are. It is time you learn the lesson that all Elders have: there are always more Sprilnav. Recognize that this was a strike against you without casting aside all of your goodwill among those that matter."
"Those that matter," Penny mused. "Sometimes I forget what you are."
Kashaunta stepped forward, eyes narrowing. She let out a hiss.
"You saw a few thousand people die, and now you're back to the racism again? Grow up. People die all the time in this galaxy. You complain about the status quo. I would respect that, if you could stomach what is required to change it. Death will continue to run rampant, and you will be the reason more die no matter what you do. 760 sextillion Sprilnav, Penny. And you cry over ten thousand?
During the Source war, we sent two years olds to war. You don't get to slide back into comfortable dumb hatred of our species because of a few stupid people. Rest assured, if you ever get this Alliance-based order, you or your successors will become tyrants. There will be a human who has the power and will to start wars, and enact genocides, for functionally no reason. Need I remind you of World War Two, and World War Three? If you multiply the population of Humanity by a trillion, that means you'll get a trillion Pol Pots, or Hitlers, or Genghis Khans.
And a hell of a lot more dumb idiots in power, which ascribes most of the history of nearly every species in the galaxy. Notice how Valisada and I both fired on Solei once he decided to be an adult daycare nominee? Notice how Valisada has not fired at us, or Justicar, and is trying his best to start a constructive dialogue? People die in war, Penny. This is reality. And you cast your disdain onto me, the only Sprilnav keeping you alive in this place, because I happened to be born an Elder. But no. I'm still some alien, right? Just another dirty animal for you to kill when the Judgment ends."
Kashaunta's fury caught Penny off-guard. The Elder truly meant her words. Penny had deeply offended her, cracking open the facade she usually maintained. The smug feeling at having made Kashaunta go on such a tirade faded when she considered the circumstances. Maybe she had acted like a child. But she hadn't said anything truly deserving of such a furious tirade, had she?
Not unless her proclamation that she remembered 'what Kashaunta was' had an implication that she didn't understand. Kashaunta was a mass murderer, one who was more than willing to justify it when necessary. And she downplayed the fact that this attack was on Penny herself and on thousands of innocents on a Sprilnav planet where she was meant to be safe. This wasn't a pair of assassins in the night, slipping poison into water or dropping snakes into a bed. This was a much more insidious and terrifying evil. Penny had been powerless to stop it.
Penny knew she was right, but Kashaunta did not. Could she truly weigh her scant decades against Kashaunta's billions of years of age? Perhaps. Age was not wisdom, though it certainly could be experience. Kashaunta turned around and started to walk away. Sadly, Penny still needed her.
"I'm sorry, Kashaunta. I am... incredibly charged. I am very pissed right now. I am not apologizing for how I feel about this attack. I have every right to be upset, and I will remain so. I will not be bullied or cowed into submission, even by a thousand more tirades. There comes a point where something must be done. But if you are upset over what I said, then I would at least like an honest clarification why."
"Because you had showed me you could think like a person should. That you didn't see people's species anymore. That you were becoming less racist. And yet, when you are cut raw, you still see me as a Sprilnav Elder alone, and therefore complicit in this massacre I literally did everything I could to do stop before it worsened. You said you knew 'what I am' as if you'd forgotten that. And it is clear that you meant that you'd forgotten your belief that I am some dirty criminal Sprilnav, who deserves to be slaughtered in the dark for the crime of being born in her species.
You care more for the ash on Justicar than you do for what I have given you. Your simplistic view of reality would mean that if you could push a button to kill us Elders, you'd do it, robbing countless families of their loved ones, because you now remember 'what we are,' and are again regressing away from your previous growth."
"I am one person, Kashaunta. I don't understand why you care this much about me. But I can recognize that the message you received is one of terrible bigotry. I am suffering, every day, every week, that I remain in this god-forsaken place. It hurts for you to dismiss the people I care about, even for a moment, dying just because there are many of them. But that does not excuse what I said to you despite the death toll you carry on your own head. It was a half-truth."
Kashaunta laughed. "Do you know why I care so much about what you think, Penny? It is because you are the other aliens. All at once. The Alliance is the face of all things 'alien' in many places. Remember what conceptual energy is? Lecalicus told you, I believe. You represent more than just your own views. And if you're able to forgive a speeding space entity, but not me, then it shows that we will never have peace. That no matter what, this cycle of hatred will continue, and I will need to either build a new galaxy with aliens that don't hate us for our ancient crimes, or just figure out another way. You are the face of the rest of the galaxy, Penny. And you have just told me that you still hate me for being an Elder. After I thought you had changed."
"And you believe you are undeserving of such hatred?"
"Penny," Kashaunta said. "The Alliance didn't exist when many of these events happened. Some of your grievances are older than the mountains on Earth. You say you hate us for genocides that happened so long ago that they no longer hold any meaning. There is no compensation we can give to dead species on dead worlds. What you want is an alien species to hate and blame for all the universe's problems. Because it is easier to hate us than to confront reality. And we are the ones you have been told to hate."
"They were not small things. It was the deaths of trillions of people, Kashaunta."
"Yes. And it was wrong. I can understand that. But what do you think will happen when your Alliance, filled with people who hate us, takes over? You will see humans bombing Sprilnav schools, and the hivemind will do nothing, for it will share that hate. Acuarfar will abduct and torture us. Knowers will devour our children. And in the face of that? You would turn a blind eye, because it is too hard to solve with a simple fix. You will only propagate generational hatred, just as all the Alliances and Galactic Republics and Peace Unions did before you.
Because underneath your message of equality for all species is oppression and genocide for us, the villains in your little story. That is what happens in reality, once the benevolent dictators die. And you, who have lived with us, eaten with us, and talked with us, will sit upon your golden throne, and when I am brought before you, naked, bleeding, and in need of support, you will throw me away, because all I am to you is an Elder. That mindset is exactly what stands in the way of peace. It is why I stopped giving you aliens chances for so long. And having to argue this with you at all makes me think you may no longer be worth my effort."
More manipulation. Penny was ready to shout at her, but Nilnacrawla pulled her thoughts away from blind anger. And it did feel unnatural for her. Alien.
"This is not peace," Penny said. "This is war. And we are circumstantial allies. I will not become what you claim."
"I have sown the seeds of a thousand despots," Kashaunta said. "I recognize them when I see them because I have reaped the heads of a million more."
Penny sighed. She wanted to resist and continue arguing, but it wouldn't get her anywhere. Now that she had thought about it, she was unlikely to overturn a viewpoint set in a billion years of experiences. Perhaps Penny could explore this later, when she had time to properly process it all.
"Very well. I will go to this meeting of yours, and I will conduct myself with decorum. However, while I refuse to belittle or forget thousands of deaths, I am sorry that you feel this way."
"But you are not sorry about making me feel so."
"No," Penny replied. She suppressed her emotions more, taking the time to carefully consider her words. Kashaunta was wrong and oddly sensitive right now. Saying the wrong thing could damage far more than their mutual feelings. As much as she wanted to win this argument, Kashaunta was who she was. She was the alien dictator keeping the Alliance alive.
"We are both right in some ways, and perhaps we might be both wrong, too. This only shows how tough the road will be. We at least are consciously trying to come to an understanding. But for the billions of Alliance citizens, quintillions of aliens, and sextillions of Sprilnav? It is a gargantuan task. And... right now, I don't think it is possible."
"It isn't," Kashaunta said. "And it won't be for thousands of years. But we don't get some neat little time skip to wait and solve all of our problems for us. Change will start only when we make it."
Kashaunta was throwing her a bone, then. They both knew the argument couldn't continue right now.
"So we have an understanding, then," Penny said. "Hatred will remain, but it must be minimised. That way, cultural and social pressure will eventually stamp it out, and we may have peace."
"No. We will have a truce, which will only become peace with much more work. The Alliance is a nation that is 24 years old. Only a single generation has grown up within it. Negotiations will be hard with so many who remember the hatred. But Valisada is not like other Sprilnav. He will seek to bring a hybrid war to you and the Alliance, unless you can convince him that you truly mean to bridge the divide. You are clearly misguided, but have a genuinely good heart. That will make life hard for you. Your words today would have spelled the death of you and the Alliance, had I not established this shield around us to hide them. Out of the spirit of our friendship, I will not request a favor in return for this boon."
"Thank you, Kashaunta. Though I'm not sure I can consider you a friend."
"The fact that you bothered to listen to my side of things, in this limited aspect, despite the hurt you must feel right now, proves otherwise. I am well aware of my past crimes, Penny. I know that my emotions today were a weakness I should have been able to seal, and that you will still see me for who I was, and not who I am. I know how it sounds for me, a killer and a ruler, to be upset at being confronted. But that is how I am. I still have my pride as an Elder, and there is only so far it can be pushed. Who I was certainly would qualify as beyond evil. But to remain at the top, there are limits to how far you can swing into benevolence.
I cannot atone. Do not try to make me repay debts that you don't own. If you are ever to have more Elders on your side, whether Progenitors or otherwise, you will need to learn to deal with this. There will be people with death tolls higher than the population of the Alliance, who were once the heart of evil and are now at least acceptable. The first step will be recognizing that, yes, we are in fact friends, despite my history. Because only from friendship and understanding can hope come."
"I will think about this more. My feelings about this, and about you, have not yet solidified."
"I was wrong for what I said to you, Penny. We are both on edge, and said things that we didn't properly express. We should get our heads in order before re-entering this argument with logic instead of emotions."
"I agree. I will go and see who I can save. And I will think more about this. I freed people from slavery, and watched them die today. Respectfully, I must spend some time away from you for now."
Penny left the ship. In something near her subconscious, anger remained. When she landed in the rubble once again, she missed a small but steady stream of conceptual energy wafting into her from below.

I am currently taking paypal for games, you always go first and cover fees
For game trades, you always go first and message me, usually it takes me about 1-2 days to get back to you at the latest
My Rep Page has not been updated in about 5 years, but I have a lot of trades finished
Bolded items are just the ones I would like to consider keeping so don't feel as though you need to offer more for the game
Wants
Oneshot
Subnautica
Stellaris (and dlc)
Wishlist Items
Have
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ADOM (ANCIENT DOMAINS OF MYSTERY)
Bridge Constructor Portal
Chivalry 2 - Epic Edition
Deep Rock Galactic
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Doom Eternal
Elite Dangerous
Endless Space 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
Ghostrunner
Honey I Joined a Cult
Lost Ruins
Mass Effect Legendary Edition (temporarily unavailable)
MONSTER TRAIN (FIRST CLASS - COLLECTORS EDITION)
OUTWARD + THE SOROBOREANS AND OUTWARD SOUNDTRACK
PATHFINDER: WRATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS
Rebel Inc: Escalation
REMNANT: FROM THE ASHES - COMPLETE EDITION
Roboquest
SCP:Secret Files
SHOTGUN KING: THE FINAL CHECKMATE
Songs of Conquest
Spyro™ Reignited Trilogy
Surviving Mars
THE OUTER WORLDS: SPACER'S CHOICE EDITION
Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales
VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 4 COMPLETE EDITION
Wasteland 3
Yakuza 3 Remastered
Yakuza 4 Remastered
2064: Read Only Memories
20XX
7 Grand Steps

observer (x3)

A Good Snowman is Hard to Build
A Juggler's Tale
A Mortician's Tale
A New Beginning - Final Cut
Aaero
Aces and Adventures
AER Memories of Old (x2)
Age of Wonders III
Ageless
Agents of Mayhem
AI War: Fleet Command
Alien Spidy
Aliens:Fireteam Elite
Alina of the Arena
All You Can Eat
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Army Men RTS
Ashes of the Singularity: Escalation (x2)
Assassin's Creed® Origins
Assault Android Cactus
Atom RPG Trudograd
Atomicrops
AUTONAUTS VS PIRATEBOTS
Backbone
Bad End Theater
Banner Saga Trilogy - Deluxe Pack
Banners of Ruin
Bastion (x2)
Batman Arkham Origins (x2)
Battle Chef Brigade
Beacon Pines
Beat Hazard Ultra
Bee Simulator
Before Your Eyes
BEHIND THE FRAME: THE FINEST SCENERY
Beholder
BENDY AND THE DARK REVIVAL
Beneath Oresa
Between the Stars
Beyond a Steel Sky
Binary Domain
Bioshock Remastered
BioShock: The Collection
Biped
Black Book
Blade Assault
Blasphemous
Blazing Beaks
Bleed 2
Bloodstained®︎: Ritual of the Night
Bone - Episode 1 & Episode 2
Boomerang Fu (x3)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe
Boreal Blade
Boyfriend Dungeon
Broken Age (x2)
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
Brutal Legend
BUILDER SIMULATOR
Burly Men At Sea (x2)
Bury Me, My Love
Celeste
Chasm
Chicken Police
Children of Silentown
CHUCHEL Cherry Edition (x2)
CivCity: Rome
Coffee Talk
COMMAND & CONQUER REMASTERED COLLECTION
Company of Heroes 2 + Company of Heroes 2 - Whale and Dolphin Conservation Charity Pattern Pack
Conan Chop Chop
CONTROL STANDARD EDITION (Steam or Epic Games)
COOK, SERVE, DELICIOUS! 3
Coromon
Crowntakers
Crusader Kings Complete
Cultist Simulator (x2)
Curious Expedition
CURSE OF THE DEAD GODS
Cyber Hook
DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: HOUSE OF ASHES
Darkside Detective
Darksiders Genesis
Darksiders II Deathinitive Edition (x2)
Darksiders Warmastered Edition
Dead In Bermuda
Deadly Days
Death Squared (x2)
Deathloop
Decieve Inc.
Deleveled
Desperados 3
Destroy All Humans!
Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Disciples: Liberation
Distance
DISTRAINT 2 + Soundtrack
Distrust (x3)
Drawful 2
DUCATI - 90th Anniversary
Duke Nukem Forever
Duke Nukem Forever Hail to the Icons
Duke Nukem Forever The Doctor Who Cloned Me
Dungeons 3 (x2)
Dusty Revenge: Co-Op Edition
Dwarfs!?
EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 4.1: Blood Storm + DLC
EarthNight
Eastside Hockey Manager
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elex
Ellipsis
Embr
Emily is Away <3
ENCASED: A SCI-FI POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG
Endless Space® - Collection (x2)
Epic Chef
Eternal Threads
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evan's Remains
Evergarden
EVERSPACE™
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
Fallout 1
Family Man
Farmer's Dynasty
Fibbage XL
Fights in Tight Spaces
Figment
Finding Paradise
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
Fort Triumph
Founders' Fortune
Framed Collection
Framed Collection (x2)
Freddi Fish 2: The Case of the Haunted Schoolhouse
Freddi Fish 3: The Case of the Stolen Conch Shell
Freddi Fish 4: The Case of the Hogfish Rustlers of Briny Gulch
Freddi Fish 5: The Case of the Creature of Coral Cove
Freddi Fish and Luther's Maze Madness
Freddi Fish and Luther's Water Worries
Freedom Force
Freedom Force vs. The Third Reich
Friends Vs Friends
FTL
Full Metal Furies
Full Throttle Remastered (x2)
Fury Unleashed
Gas Station Simulator
Genesis Noir
Get In The Car, Loser!
Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy
God's Trigger
Golf Gang
Gonner
GRAV (Early Access)
Greedfall
GRID 2
Grime
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Growing Up
Guns of Icarus Online
Hacknet (x2) + Hacknet Labyrinths DLC (x1)
Haiku, the Robot
Hammerting
Hard Reset Redux
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heaven's Vault
Heavenly Bodies (x2)
Hell Let Loose
Hell Pie
Hello Neighbor Hide and Seek
Hellpoint
Hero Siege Complete + Cyberpunk Samurai + Demon Slayer Bundle + Extra slots & stash space + ClassShield Lancer + Shaman + Plague Doctor + Marauder + Amazon+Avenger Paladin DLCs
Heroes of Hammerwatch
Hexcells Complete Pack
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hidden Folks
HITMAN™: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON (x2)
HIVESWAP: Act 1
Hokko life
Hollow Knight
Hot Brass
Hot Wheels Unleashed
Hotshot Racing
Hyper Light Drifter
I am not a Monster: First Contact
I'm not a Monster
If Found...
Impostor Factory
In Between
In Sound Mind
Injustice Gods Among Us Ultimate Edition (x3)
INK Deluxe Edition
Iris and the Giant
Iron Harvest
Jack Move
JumpJet Rex
Jupiter Hell
Jurassic World Evolution - Deluxe Dinosaur Pack
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Kerbal Space Program
KeyWe
Kill it with Fire
KillSquad
Kingdom Classic
Kingdom Two Crowns
Kingdom: New Lands (x2)
Knights of Pen and Paper 2
Kraken Academy!!
Late Shift
Later Alligator
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Legion TD2-MULTIPLAYER TOWER DEFENSE
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham Premium Edition
LEGO DC Super-Villains Deluxe Edition
LEGO Ninjago Movie Video Game
LEGO® Batman 2 DC Super Heroes™
LEGO® Worlds
Let's Explore the Farm (Junior Field Trips)
Let's Explore the Jungle (Junior Field Trips)
Levelhead
Leviathan Warships
Life is Strange 2: Complete Season
Life is Strange: True Colors
Lone Fungus
Lords and Villeins
Lostwinds
Lovecraft's Untold Stories
Lumino City
Luna's Wandering Stars
Machinarium
Mad Max
Mafia: Definitive Edition
Mafia: Definitive Edition
Magicka
Maid of Sker
Majesty 2
Majesty Gold HD
Marooners
Masquerade: The Baubles of Doom
Massive Chalice
Meeple Station
Merchany of the Skies
Metal Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Protocol
Mind Scanners
Mini Metro
MINIT (x2)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Loves You
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Morkredd
MOTHERGUNSHIP
Moving Out
Mr. Shifty
Mr.Prepper
Mushroom 11
My Memory of Us
My Time at Portia
Narita Boy
Naruto to Boruto: Shinobi Strikers
NBA 2K20
NEBUCHADNEZZAR
Necromunda: Hired Gun
Necronator: Dead Wrong (x2)
Neo Cab
Neon Abyss
Neon Drive (Steam)
Newt One
Niche (x3)
NICKELODEON ALL-STAR BRAWL
Nimbatus The Space Drone Constructor
Ninja Pizza Girl
No Time to Explain Remastered
No Time to Relax
Not For Broadcast
Not Tonight
Oaken
Offworld Trading Company + Jupiter's Forge Expansion Pack (x2)
Old Man's Journey
OlliOlli World - Rad edition
OlliOlli2: Welcome to Olliwood
Omno
One Step From Eden
Operation Flashpoint: Red River
OPERATION: TANGO
Opus Magnum
Orwell: Ignorance is Strength (x2)
Orwell: Keeping an Eye on You (x3)
Othercide
Otxo
Out of the Park Baseball 18
Overcooked! 2 - Surf 'n' Turf Pack
Overcooked! 2 - Too Many Cooks
Overgrowth
Overlord II
OZYMANDIAS: BRONZE AGE EMPIRE SIM
PAC-MAN™ CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
Pajama Sam 2: Thunder And Lightning Aren't So Frightening
Pajama Sam 3: You Are What You Eat From Your Head To Your Feet
Pajama Sam's Lost & Found
Pajama Sam's Sock Works
Pajama Sam: Games to Play on Any Day
Pale Echoes
Panzer Corps 2
Paper Fire Rookie
Paperbark
Paradigm (x2)
Paradise Killer
Party Hard (x2)
Patch Quest
PayDay 2
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Pesterquest
Pesterquest
PGA TOUR 2K21
Pikuniku
Pinstripe (x2)
Plague Inc: Evolved
Planet of the Eyes
Planet Zoo
PlateUp! (x2)
Plunge
Police Stories
Police Stories
Portal Knights
Primal Carnage: Extinction
Prodeus
Project Highrise (x2)
Project Winter
Psychonauts
Putt-Putt® and Pep's Balloon-o-Rama
Putt-Putt® and Pep's Dog on a Stick
Putt-Putt® Enters the Race
Putt-Putt® Goes to the Moon
Putt-Putt® Joins the Circus
Putt-Putt® Joins the Parade
Putt-Putt® Travels Through Time
Putt-Putt®: Pep's Birthday Surprise
Puzzle Agent
Puzzle Agent 2
Q.U.B.E. 2
Q.U.B.E: Director's Cut
Quest of Dungeons
Quiplash
Railroad Corporation
Railroad Tycoon 3
Railroad Tycoon II Platinum
Rain World
Raji: An Ancient Epic
Rapture Rejects + Safari outfit
Realpolitiks
Rebel Cops
Rebuild 3: Gangs of Deadsville
RED SOLSTICE 2: SURVIVORS
Regency Solitaire
Regions of Ruin
Regular Human Basketball (x3)
Relicta
Remnants of Isolation
Resident Evil 0 HD REMASTER
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 5 Gold Edition
Resident Evil 6
Resident Evil HD REMASTER
Resident Evil Revelations (X2)
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition
Retimed
Retro Game Crunch
Retrowave
Revita
Rime
Rise and Shine
Rising Dusk
Rituals
Road 96
Road to Ballhalla
Roadwarden
Robot Roller-Derby Disco Dodgeball
Rock of Ages 2: Bigger & Boulder™
Rocket Birds: Hardboiled Chicken
ROCKETSROCKETSROCKETS
Rogue Heroes:Ruins of Tasos
Roguebook
Rollerdrome
ROUNDS (x2)
Rustler
Rusty Lake Paradise
RÖKI
S.W.I.N.E. HD REMASTER
Saints Row: The Third
Sam & Max: Season 1
Sam & Max: Season 2
Satellite Reign (x2)
Scorn
Scourgebringer
Screencheat
Scribblenauts Unlimited (x2)
Secrets of Raetikon
Shadow Complex Remastered (Epic Games)
SHADOW TACTICS: AIKO'S CHOICE
Shady Part of Me
Shelter 2 (x3)
Shenmue I & II
shutshimi
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Sigma Theory: Global Cold War (x2)
SimplePlanes
SIMULACRA
Size Matters
Slipstream
Sniper Elite
Sniper Elite 3 (x2)
Sniper Elite V2
Snowtopia: Ski Resort Builder
Song of Horror
SOULCALIBUR VI
Souldiers
Speed Brawl
Spellcaster University
Spelunky
Spirit of the Island
Spirits
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: BATTLE FOR BIKINI BOTTOM - REHYDRATED
Spy Fox 2 "Some Assembly Required"
Spy Fox 3 "Operation Ozone"
Spy Fox in "Dry Cereal"
Spy Fox In: Hold the Mustard
Squad (Early Access)
StarCrossed
State of Mind
Staxel
Stealth 2: A Game of Clones
Stick Fight: The Game (x4)
Streamline Early Access
Streets of Rage
Stronghold Crusader 2
Subsurface Circular (x3)
Suchart:Genius Artist Simulator
Sudden Strike 4
Super Daryl Deluxe
Super Galaxy Squadron EX
Super Hexagon (x2)
Super House of Dead Ninjas: True Ninja Pack
Super House of the Dead Ninjas (x2)
Super Lesbian Animal RPG
Super Magbot
Super Time Force Ultra
SUPERHOT (x3)
Surgeon Simulator + Anniversary Ed. Content
Surviving the Aftermath
Suzerain
Swag and Sorcery
Sword Legacy Omen
SYNTHETIK: Legion Rising
System Shock 2
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Tales from the Borderlands
Tales of Berseria™
Tales of the Neon Sea
Tangledeep + Soundtrack (x2)
Tank Mechanic Simulator
Team Indie
Teleglitch: Die More Edition
Telltale Texas Hold'em
TemTem
The Adventure Pals
The Ambassador: Fractured Timelines
The Ascent
The Ball
The Battle of Polytopia
The Blackout Club
THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: LITTLE HOPE
THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: MAN OF MEDAN
The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos + Goodies + OST
The Dwarves
The First Tree (x3)
The Forgotten City
The Gardens Between
The Henry Stickmin Collection
THE INVISIBLE HAND
The Journey Down: Chapter Three
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Quarry Deluxe Edition
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The Stillness of the Wind
The Walking Dead
The Walking Dead - 400 Days
The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
The Walking Dead: Final Season
The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
The Walking Dead: Saints & Sinners
The Walking Dead: Season Two
The Walking Dead: The Telltale Definitive Series
The Wild Eight
The Witness (x2)
theHunter: Call of the Wild
Them and Us
There is No Light:Enhanced Edition
Think of the Children
Thirty Flights of Loving
This is the Police
This War of Mine
This War of Mine: Final Cut
Throne of Lies® The Online Game of Deceit (x3)
Tilt Brush
TIMEframe
Tin Can
Titan Quest Anniversary
Titan Quest Anniversary Edition
ToeJam & Earl: Back in the Groove (x2)
Tokyo 42
Tooth and Tail (x2)
Torment: Tides of Numenera
Total Tank Simulator (x2)
Tower of Guns (x2)
Train Simulator 2017 + Platform Clutter + Town Scenery
Train Station Renovation
Tribes of Midgard
Trine 4: The Nightmare Prince
Tropico 4
Turbo Gold Racing
Twin Mirror (x2)
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse (x3)
Undertale
Unmetal
Unpacking
Valfaris
Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York
Vane
Vault of the Void
Verdun
Vertiginous Golf
Vikings - Wolves of Midgard
Visage
Void Bastards
Volgarr the Viking
Wandersong
Wargroove
Waking Mars
WARHAMMER 40,000: CHAOS GATE - DAEMONHUNTERS
Warhammer: Chaosbane
Werewolf: The Apocalypse Heart of the Forest
West of Dead
Westerado: Double Barreled
Where the Water Tastes like Wine
WHO PRESSED MUTE ON UNCLE MARCUS
Wildfire
WINDJAMMERS 2
Windward
Wingspan
Wizard of Legend (x3)
World of Goo
Worms Revolution
WORMS RUMBLE + LEGENDS PACK DLC
Wuppo (x2)
WWE 2K Battlegrounds
WWE 2K Battlegrounds + Brawler Pass
WWE 2K23
XCOM: CHIMERA SQUAD
XCOM: ULTIMATE COLLECTION
Yes, Your Grace
Yooka-Laylee
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK HEADRUSH
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SPORTS
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK TELEVISION
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 1 XL
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 3
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 4: The Ride
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 6 The Lost Gold
Ziggurat
Zombie Night Terror
Others GameMaker Studio Pro
Ashampoo BackUp Pro 14
Ashampoo Photo Optimizer 7
Ashampoo WinOptimizer 18
Battleborn Starter Skin Pack
Darkest Dungeon Shieldbreaker DLC
Double Fine Adventure Documentary
GWENT - Ultimate Starter Pack
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 1 DLC
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 2 DLC
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 3 DLC
Mage and Minions - $10 In-Game Currency
Music Maker EDM Edition
Music Maker: Hip Hop Edition
PAYDAY 2: Sydney Mega Mask
Starfinder: Pact Worlds Campaign Setting
XCOM® 2: Reinforcement Pack
XCOM® 2: Resistance Warrior Pack
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK MOVIES

I am currently taking paypal for games, you always go first and cover fees
For game trades, you always go first and message me, usually it takes me about 1-2 days to get back to you at the latest
My Rep Page has not been updated in about 5 years, but I have a lot of trades finished
Bolded items are just the ones I would like to consider keeping so don't feel as though you need to offer more for the game
Wants
Oneshot
Subnautica
Stellaris (and dlc)
Wishlist Items
Have
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ADOM (ANCIENT DOMAINS OF MYSTERY)
Bridge Constructor Portal
Chivalry 2 - Epic Edition
Deep Rock Galactic
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Doom Eternal
Elite Dangerous
Endless Space 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
Ghostrunner
Honey I Joined a Cult
Lost Ruins
Mass Effect Legendary Edition (temporarily unavailable)
MONSTER TRAIN (FIRST CLASS - COLLECTORS EDITION)
OUTWARD + THE SOROBOREANS AND OUTWARD SOUNDTRACK
PATHFINDER: WRATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS
Rebel Inc: Escalation
REMNANT: FROM THE ASHES - COMPLETE EDITION
Roboquest
SCP:Secret Files
SHOTGUN KING: THE FINAL CHECKMATE
Songs of Conquest
Spyro™ Reignited Trilogy
Surviving Mars
THE OUTER WORLDS: SPACER'S CHOICE EDITION
Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales
VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 4 COMPLETE EDITION
Wasteland 3
Yakuza 3 Remastered
Yakuza 4 Remastered
2064: Read Only Memories
20XX
7 Grand Steps

observer (x3)

A Good Snowman is Hard to Build
A Juggler's Tale
A Mortician's Tale
A New Beginning - Final Cut
Aaero
Aces and Adventures
AER Memories of Old (x2)
Age of Wonders III
Ageless
Agents of Mayhem
AI War: Fleet Command
Alien Spidy
Aliens:Fireteam Elite
Alina of the Arena
All You Can Eat
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Army Men RTS
Ashes of the Singularity: Escalation (x2)
Assassin's Creed® Origins
Assault Android Cactus
Atom RPG Trudograd
Atomicrops
AUTONAUTS VS PIRATEBOTS
Backbone
Bad End Theater
Banner Saga Trilogy - Deluxe Pack
Banners of Ruin
Bastion (x2)
Batman Arkham Origins (x2)
Battle Chef Brigade
Beacon Pines
Beat Hazard Ultra
Bee Simulator
Before Your Eyes
BEHIND THE FRAME: THE FINEST SCENERY
Beholder
BENDY AND THE DARK REVIVAL
Beneath Oresa
Between the Stars
Beyond a Steel Sky
Binary Domain
Bioshock Remastered
BioShock: The Collection
Biped
Black Book
Blade Assault
Blasphemous
Blazing Beaks
Bleed 2
Bloodstained®︎: Ritual of the Night
Bone - Episode 1 & Episode 2
Boomerang Fu (x3)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe
Boreal Blade
Boyfriend Dungeon
Broken Age (x2)
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
Brutal Legend
BUILDER SIMULATOR
Burly Men At Sea (x2)
Bury Me, My Love
Celeste
Chasm
Chicken Police
Children of Silentown
CHUCHEL Cherry Edition (x2)
CivCity: Rome
Coffee Talk
COMMAND & CONQUER REMASTERED COLLECTION
Company of Heroes 2 + Company of Heroes 2 - Whale and Dolphin Conservation Charity Pattern Pack
Conan Chop Chop
CONTROL STANDARD EDITION (Steam or Epic Games)
COOK, SERVE, DELICIOUS! 3
Coromon
Crowntakers
Crusader Kings Complete
Cultist Simulator (x2)
Curious Expedition
CURSE OF THE DEAD GODS
Cyber Hook
DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: HOUSE OF ASHES
Darkside Detective
Darksiders Genesis
Darksiders II Deathinitive Edition (x2)
Darksiders Warmastered Edition
Dead In Bermuda
Deadly Days
Death Squared (x2)
Deathloop
Decieve Inc.
Deleveled
Desperados 3
Destroy All Humans!
Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Disciples: Liberation
Distance
DISTRAINT 2 + Soundtrack
Distrust (x3)
Drawful 2
DUCATI - 90th Anniversary
Duke Nukem Forever
Duke Nukem Forever Hail to the Icons
Duke Nukem Forever The Doctor Who Cloned Me
Dungeons 3 (x2)
Dusty Revenge: Co-Op Edition
Dwarfs!?
EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 4.1: Blood Storm + DLC
EarthNight
Eastside Hockey Manager
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elex
Ellipsis
Embr
Emily is Away <3
ENCASED: A SCI-FI POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG
Endless Space® - Collection (x2)
Epic Chef
Eternal Threads
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evan's Remains
Evergarden
EVERSPACE™
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
Fallout 1
Family Man
Farmer's Dynasty
Fibbage XL
Fights in Tight Spaces
Figment
Finding Paradise
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
Fort Triumph
Founders' Fortune
Framed Collection
Framed Collection (x2)
Freddi Fish 2: The Case of the Haunted Schoolhouse
Freddi Fish 3: The Case of the Stolen Conch Shell
Freddi Fish 4: The Case of the Hogfish Rustlers of Briny Gulch
Freddi Fish 5: The Case of the Creature of Coral Cove
Freddi Fish and Luther's Maze Madness
Freddi Fish and Luther's Water Worries
Freedom Force
Freedom Force vs. The Third Reich
Friends Vs Friends
FTL
Full Metal Furies
Full Throttle Remastered (x2)
Fury Unleashed
Gas Station Simulator
Genesis Noir
Get In The Car, Loser!
Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy
God's Trigger
Golf Gang
Gonner
GRAV (Early Access)
Greedfall
GRID 2
Grime
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Growing Up
Guns of Icarus Online
Hacknet (x2) + Hacknet Labyrinths DLC (x1)
Haiku, the Robot
Hammerting
Hard Reset Redux
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heaven's Vault
Heavenly Bodies (x2)
Hell Let Loose
Hell Pie
Hello Neighbor Hide and Seek
Hellpoint
Hero Siege Complete + Cyberpunk Samurai + Demon Slayer Bundle + Extra slots & stash space + ClassShield Lancer + Shaman + Plague Doctor + Marauder + Amazon+Avenger Paladin DLCs
Heroes of Hammerwatch
Hexcells Complete Pack
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hidden Folks
HITMAN™: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON (x2)
HIVESWAP: Act 1
Hokko life
Hollow Knight
Hot Brass
Hot Wheels Unleashed
Hotshot Racing
Hyper Light Drifter
I am not a Monster: First Contact
I'm not a Monster
If Found...
Impostor Factory
In Between
In Sound Mind
Injustice Gods Among Us Ultimate Edition (x3)
INK Deluxe Edition
Iris and the Giant
Iron Harvest
Jack Move
JumpJet Rex
Jupiter Hell
Jurassic World Evolution - Deluxe Dinosaur Pack
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Kerbal Space Program
KeyWe
Kill it with Fire
KillSquad
Kingdom Classic
Kingdom Two Crowns
Kingdom: New Lands (x2)
Knights of Pen and Paper 2
Kraken Academy!!
Late Shift
Later Alligator
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Legion TD2-MULTIPLAYER TOWER DEFENSE
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham Premium Edition
LEGO DC Super-Villains Deluxe Edition
LEGO Ninjago Movie Video Game
LEGO® Batman 2 DC Super Heroes™
LEGO® Worlds
Let's Explore the Farm (Junior Field Trips)
Let's Explore the Jungle (Junior Field Trips)
Levelhead
Leviathan Warships
Life is Strange 2: Complete Season
Life is Strange: True Colors
Lone Fungus
Lords and Villeins
Lostwinds
Lovecraft's Untold Stories
Lumino City
Luna's Wandering Stars
Machinarium
Mad Max
Mafia: Definitive Edition
Mafia: Definitive Edition
Magicka
Maid of Sker
Majesty 2
Majesty Gold HD
Marooners
Masquerade: The Baubles of Doom
Massive Chalice
Meeple Station
Merchany of the Skies
Metal Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Protocol
Mind Scanners
Mini Metro
MINIT (x2)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Loves You
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Morkredd
MOTHERGUNSHIP
Moving Out
Mr. Shifty
Mr.Prepper
Mushroom 11
My Memory of Us
My Time at Portia
Narita Boy
Naruto to Boruto: Shinobi Strikers
NBA 2K20
NEBUCHADNEZZAR
Necromunda: Hired Gun
Necronator: Dead Wrong (x2)
Neo Cab
Neon Abyss
Neon Drive (Steam)
Newt One
Niche (x3)
NICKELODEON ALL-STAR BRAWL
Nimbatus The Space Drone Constructor
Ninja Pizza Girl
No Time to Explain Remastered
No Time to Relax
Not For Broadcast
Not Tonight
Oaken
Offworld Trading Company + Jupiter's Forge Expansion Pack (x2)
Old Man's Journey
OlliOlli World - Rad edition
OlliOlli2: Welcome to Olliwood
Omno
One Step From Eden
Operation Flashpoint: Red River
OPERATION: TANGO
Opus Magnum
Orwell: Ignorance is Strength (x2)
Orwell: Keeping an Eye on You (x3)
Othercide
Otxo
Out of the Park Baseball 18
Overcooked! 2 - Surf 'n' Turf Pack
Overcooked! 2 - Too Many Cooks
Overgrowth
Overlord II
OZYMANDIAS: BRONZE AGE EMPIRE SIM
PAC-MAN™ CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
Pajama Sam 2: Thunder And Lightning Aren't So Frightening
Pajama Sam 3: You Are What You Eat From Your Head To Your Feet
Pajama Sam's Lost & Found
Pajama Sam's Sock Works
Pajama Sam: Games to Play on Any Day
Pale Echoes
Panzer Corps 2
Paper Fire Rookie
Paperbark
Paradigm (x2)
Paradise Killer
Party Hard (x2)
Patch Quest
PayDay 2
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Pesterquest
Pesterquest
PGA TOUR 2K21
Pikuniku
Pinstripe (x2)
Plague Inc: Evolved
Planet of the Eyes
Planet Zoo
PlateUp! (x2)
Plunge
Police Stories
Police Stories
Portal Knights
Primal Carnage: Extinction
Prodeus
Project Highrise (x2)
Project Winter
Psychonauts
Putt-Putt® and Pep's Balloon-o-Rama
Putt-Putt® and Pep's Dog on a Stick
Putt-Putt® Enters the Race
Putt-Putt® Goes to the Moon
Putt-Putt® Joins the Circus
Putt-Putt® Joins the Parade
Putt-Putt® Travels Through Time
Putt-Putt®: Pep's Birthday Surprise
Puzzle Agent
Puzzle Agent 2
Q.U.B.E. 2
Q.U.B.E: Director's Cut
Quest of Dungeons
Quiplash
Railroad Corporation
Railroad Tycoon 3
Railroad Tycoon II Platinum
Rain World
Raji: An Ancient Epic
Rapture Rejects + Safari outfit
Realpolitiks
Rebel Cops
Rebuild 3: Gangs of Deadsville
RED SOLSTICE 2: SURVIVORS
Regency Solitaire
Regions of Ruin
Regular Human Basketball (x3)
Relicta
Remnants of Isolation
Resident Evil 0 HD REMASTER
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 5 Gold Edition
Resident Evil 6
Resident Evil HD REMASTER
Resident Evil Revelations (X2)
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition
Retimed
Retro Game Crunch
Retrowave
Revita
Rime
Rise and Shine
Rising Dusk
Rituals
Road 96
Road to Ballhalla
Roadwarden
Robot Roller-Derby Disco Dodgeball
Rock of Ages 2: Bigger & Boulder™
Rocket Birds: Hardboiled Chicken
ROCKETSROCKETSROCKETS
Rogue Heroes:Ruins of Tasos
Roguebook
Rollerdrome
ROUNDS (x2)
Rustler
Rusty Lake Paradise
RÖKI
S.W.I.N.E. HD REMASTER
Saints Row: The Third
Sam & Max: Season 1
Sam & Max: Season 2
Satellite Reign (x2)
Scorn
Scourgebringer
Screencheat
Scribblenauts Unlimited (x2)
Secrets of Raetikon
Shadow Complex Remastered (Epic Games)
SHADOW TACTICS: AIKO'S CHOICE
Shady Part of Me
Shelter 2 (x3)
Shenmue I & II
shutshimi
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Sigma Theory: Global Cold War (x2)
SimplePlanes
SIMULACRA
Size Matters
Slipstream
Sniper Elite
Sniper Elite 3 (x2)
Sniper Elite V2
Snowtopia: Ski Resort Builder
Song of Horror
SOULCALIBUR VI
Souldiers
Speed Brawl
Spellcaster University
Spelunky
Spirit of the Island
Spirits
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: BATTLE FOR BIKINI BOTTOM - REHYDRATED
Spy Fox 2 "Some Assembly Required"
Spy Fox 3 "Operation Ozone"
Spy Fox in "Dry Cereal"
Spy Fox In: Hold the Mustard
Squad (Early Access)
StarCrossed
State of Mind
Staxel
Stealth 2: A Game of Clones
Stick Fight: The Game (x4)
Streamline Early Access
Streets of Rage
Stronghold Crusader 2
Subsurface Circular (x3)
Suchart:Genius Artist Simulator
Sudden Strike 4
Super Daryl Deluxe
Super Galaxy Squadron EX
Super Hexagon (x2)
Super House of Dead Ninjas: True Ninja Pack
Super House of the Dead Ninjas (x2)
Super Lesbian Animal RPG
Super Magbot
Super Time Force Ultra
SUPERHOT (x3)
Surgeon Simulator + Anniversary Ed. Content
Surviving the Aftermath
Suzerain
Swag and Sorcery
Sword Legacy Omen
SYNTHETIK: Legion Rising
System Shock 2
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Tales from the Borderlands
Tales of Berseria™
Tales of the Neon Sea
Tangledeep + Soundtrack (x2)
Tank Mechanic Simulator
Team Indie
Teleglitch: Die More Edition
Telltale Texas Hold'em
TemTem
The Adventure Pals
The Ambassador: Fractured Timelines
The Ascent
The Ball
The Battle of Polytopia
The Blackout Club
THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: LITTLE HOPE
THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: MAN OF MEDAN
The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos + Goodies + OST
The Dwarves
The First Tree (x3)
The Forgotten City
The Gardens Between
The Henry Stickmin Collection
THE INVISIBLE HAND
The Journey Down: Chapter Three
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Quarry Deluxe Edition
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The Stillness of the Wind
The Walking Dead
The Walking Dead - 400 Days
The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
The Walking Dead: Final Season
The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
The Walking Dead: Saints & Sinners
The Walking Dead: Season Two
The Walking Dead: The Telltale Definitive Series
The Wild Eight
The Witness (x2)
theHunter: Call of the Wild
Them and Us
There is No Light:Enhanced Edition
Think of the Children
Thirty Flights of Loving
This is the Police
This War of Mine
This War of Mine: Final Cut
Throne of Lies® The Online Game of Deceit (x3)
Tilt Brush
TIMEframe
Tin Can
Titan Quest Anniversary
Titan Quest Anniversary Edition
ToeJam & Earl: Back in the Groove (x2)
Tokyo 42
Tooth and Tail (x2)
Torment: Tides of Numenera
Total Tank Simulator (x2)
Tower of Guns (x2)
Train Simulator 2017 + Platform Clutter + Town Scenery
Train Station Renovation
Tribes of Midgard
Trine 4: The Nightmare Prince
Tropico 4
Turbo Gold Racing
Twin Mirror (x2)
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse (x3)
Undertale
Unmetal
Unpacking
Valfaris
Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York
Vane
Vault of the Void
Verdun
Vertiginous Golf
Vikings - Wolves of Midgard
Visage
Void Bastards
Volgarr the Viking
Wandersong
Wargroove
Waking Mars
WARHAMMER 40,000: CHAOS GATE - DAEMONHUNTERS
Warhammer: Chaosbane
Werewolf: The Apocalypse Heart of the Forest
West of Dead
Westerado: Double Barreled
Where the Water Tastes like Wine
WHO PRESSED MUTE ON UNCLE MARCUS
Wildfire
WINDJAMMERS 2
Windward
Wingspan
Wizard of Legend (x3)
World of Goo
Worms Revolution
WORMS RUMBLE + LEGENDS PACK DLC
Wuppo (x2)
WWE 2K Battlegrounds
WWE 2K Battlegrounds + Brawler Pass
WWE 2K23
XCOM: CHIMERA SQUAD
XCOM: ULTIMATE COLLECTION
Yes, Your Grace
Yooka-Laylee
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK HEADRUSH
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SPORTS
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK TELEVISION
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 1 XL
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 3
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 4: The Ride
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 6 The Lost Gold
Ziggurat
Zombie Night Terror
Others GameMaker Studio Pro
Ashampoo BackUp Pro 14
Ashampoo Photo Optimizer 7
Ashampoo WinOptimizer 18
Battleborn Starter Skin Pack
Darkest Dungeon Shieldbreaker DLC
Double Fine Adventure Documentary
GWENT - Ultimate Starter Pack
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 1 DLC
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 2 DLC
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 3 DLC
Mage and Minions - $10 In-Game Currency
Music Maker EDM Edition
Music Maker: Hip Hop Edition
PAYDAY 2: Sydney Mega Mask
Starfinder: Pact Worlds Campaign Setting
XCOM® 2: Reinforcement Pack
XCOM® 2: Resistance Warrior Pack
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK MOVIES

It was nice to catch up on our lives, joke around, etc. The subject of our breakup came up (and for the record it wasn’t me who brought it up) and she proceeded to provide the most superficial reason to end our ltr. I held my tongue because I didn’t want to tarnish what was otherwise a nice catchup and also she’s not aware enough to understand her behavior patterns right now anyway. I’ve offered to give her my perspective of the breakup, it’d be so cathartic for me, but she’s declined so I’m respecting that. I expected our friendship to be superficial, some texts about our kids, memes, etc, but I didn’t expect to have to silence my authentic self. I’m not sure I can do this without having a brief talk about my feelings on the breakup, but I know she’d deactivate. Only one of us can speak our piece on the subject. Feels like these are eggshells not worth walking on.

You sit shoulder to shoulder in the auditorium. Your scratchy black suit rubs against two arms wrapped in finer material. You shift in your seat, moving uncomfortably in the plush chair beneath you. Your leg is shaking; you are anxious for the show to begin. The massive room rumbles with murmurs of conversation—inquisitions about how the show will be, complaints of hunger, protests of too-tight clothing, and ties choking necks. You are silent.
September 6, 1981
Louise trudged up the dusty gravel path towards her home, a rotted trailer perched atop a steep hill. The bus driver never ventured up the path, leaving Louise to trek the quarter mile herself. She stopped momentarily and watched as the yellow bus sped away; the shadow of a lone hand waved her goodbye. She waved back, too late for anyone to see it, “Bye, Miles.”
Her house stank of cigarette smoke. The soft shag carpet collected to odor, spitting it out with every step. The windows and walls were yellowed with nicotine. The trailer was quiet; the constant droning of the radiator was the only thing to be heard. Louise set her backpack down and walked into the kitchen to make herself dinner. Her mother wouldn’t be home for several hours, and school lunch was never enough.
After Louise ate a measly bowl of microwaved leftover Kraft, she sat down to do her homework. She pulled out the math sheet they had gotten that day. Numbers shifted and combined; they peeled off the page and swam around her. Louise needed help. She dialed a number she knew by heart. The line rang.
“Hello?” a woman’s voice answered, her voice slightly distorted through the phone.
“Hi, Mrs. Wilson,” Louise said in a timid voice.
“Hi, Louise,” Mrs. Wilson’s voice softened, “I’ll get him for you.”
Louise heard her muffled yell, “Thank you, ma’am.”
“Hey Louise! What’s up?” a boy's voice asked.
“Hi, Miles. Have you done your math homework?”
“I’m doing it right now.”
Louise stretched the cord to where she sat at the table, “Great.”
The lights dim, and silence washes over the crowd. The curtains part. Fifty people in tuxedos sit on stage, various instruments in hand. The conductor stands tall. He introduces the orchestra, lifts his gloved hands, and the music begins.
March 9, 1983
“You’re still coming, right?” Miles questioned nervously.
“Yes, Miles, I’m still coming,” Louise rolled her eyes before smiling at him.
Miles relaxed a little bit, “Okay, good.”
Miles had mousy brown hair that was cut short. His dad had served in the military, so he thought this boy should have a ‘man’s haircut.’ He was tan even in the wintertime. He had bright hazel eyes that glowed electric green in the sunlight. Louise was about an inch taller than Miles, a fact she was immensely proud of.
The pair walked down the school hallway. It was Friday. Wonderful, glorious Friday. Louise rejoiced in the days that she didn’t have to come into school and pretend she liked people— pretend she liked anything, really. She hated the teachers, her peers, the hospital grey of the walls. She liked Miles. He ignored the cigarette stink of her clothes and the rudeness of her tone.
Today was Miles’ birthday. He’ll be ten. Miles had invited everyone to the party; there would be a bounce house. He’s ‘going all out for the big one o’ as he kept telling Louise. She was nervous about the party; her gift was okay at best, and she dreaded the disappointed but polite smile she knew Miles would pull.
“My mom will be here right after school to pick us up. You know what my mom’s car looks like, right?” Miles asked.
“Yeah, I remember.”
Lousie walked out to Mrs. Wilson’s car, a sleek, silver Porsche; Louise felt like a celebrity when she rode in it—rich and important.
“Hi, Louise,” Mrs. Wilson smiled, “How was school?”
“Hi, Mrs. Wilson. It was good.”
Louise settled into the plush leather seats and set her backpack in front of her. They sat in silence for a moment, the soft drum of the radio filling the air. Miles ripped open the door, excitement lighting up his face. He sat down, his position mirroring Louise’s.
“Hey, buddy. How was your day?” Mrs. Wilson asked.
“It was great, Mom,” he smiled.
She smiled back warmly, “Well, that’s good.”
Mrs. Wilson pulled out of the parking lot, Louise and Miles chatted idly about school and the party. After a short while, they pulled up to Miles’ house—a two-story white house with columns in front. Louise loved it. Sometimes, during sleepovers, late at night, she pretended it was hers. She quietly walked down hallways, running her fingertips across the smooth wallpaper. She felt the soft carpet on her bare toes and imagined it knew the shape and weight of her foot. She opened the fridge and pretended not to be surprised at the selection of food that awaited her. Then, she would return to Miles’ room and lie down next to him in the sleeping bag he lent her, stare up at the tiny glowing stars stuck on his ceiling, and pretend it was her and her mom that put them up— that it was her mom that held the step stool for her so she wouldn't fall.
Louise and Miles hopped out of the car, ran up to his room, and plopped their bags down. They still had a few hours before their other classmates would arrive. They sat on the ground and leaned against the bed. Louise pulled out Miles’ gift from her bag and handed the small gift bag to him, “Happy Birthday.”
“It’s not time for the party,” Miles said, confusion evident in his voice.
Louise shrugged, “I wanted to give it to you now.”
Miles smiled at her before gently taking the tissue paper out of the bag and reaching in. He pulled out a light blue paper swan. Lousie had spent hours getting the folds just right so the paper was sharp instead of rumpled. It was beautiful.
“Louise,” Miles started, his face curved into a slight frown, like he was about to cry, “Thank you.”
“Do you really like it?” Louise asked nervously; she fidgeted with her fingernails.
Miles set the swan down gently and dove towards her, wrapping her in a hug, “I love it.”
The party was a hit. Louise nearly made herself sick from the combination of an ungodly amount of candy and jumping in the bounce house. Almost everyone from their class was there, shoving presents in Miles’ hands before running to the snacks and entertainment. Night fell, and Louise climbed in the Porsche again, though it was just her and Mrs. Wilson this time.
“Did you have a good time, Louise?” she asked, making eye contact through the rearview mirror.
“Yeah, it was awesome. Thank you for having me,” Louise responded, polite as ever.
“Oh, you are always welcome, sweetie,” Mrs. Wilson smiled.
Louise looked out the window for the rest of the drive, the stars blurring against the black night sky. They pulled up to Louise’s house; her driveway was empty.
“Are you sure you are okay until your mom gets here?” Mrs. Wilson asked.
Louise smiled fakely, “Yeah I’ll be alright. She should be home soon.”
“Okay, sweetheart.”
Louise climbed out of the car and walked to her door. She looked back before stepping inside—Mrs. Wilson’s face was a mirage of pity and sympathy. Louise waved and stepped inside, choking down guilt as she did.
The sweet sound of a violin fills your ears—a lone instrument bellowing a quiet tune. It starts slow—soft, like a warm hand caressing your face, a mother wiping away your tears.
You forget yourself for a moment; you are back in your childhood home, where your bed is indented with your shape. You smell your favorite meal being cooked downstairs. You hear your mother humming her favorite song from the kitchen. Your father isn’t home yet. You are excited to see him.
You wish it were real.
It is not.
June 11, 1984
Louise was having a terrible day. Her mother was off work and slumming around the house— she was like a ghost in her own home, and she had nothing to do. They didn’t have cable this month, so Louise’s options were to sit in her bed and do nothing or visit Miles. She chose the latter. Louise bid her mom a short goodbye, telling her where she was going and not much else, and peddled off on her bike. She was drenched by the time she arrived at Miles’ house. So she ditched her bike in the grass and ran to ring the doorbell. Mrs. Wilson answered.
“Oh. Hello, Louise,” she smiled.
Mrs. Wilson was a nice woman, and Louise absolutely loved her. She was as thin as a twig but had a motherly warmth about her that Louise itched for. Miles was the spitting image of her, matching her tanned skin and bright eyes.
“I’m afraid Miles isn’t here,” she continued.
“Oh,” Louise said, disappointment swirling around her tongue.
“I’m sorry, hun,” Mrs. Wilson gave her a sympathetic look, “He’s out with his dad fishing for the day.”
“That’s okay,” Louise lied and started to walk back to where she abandoned her bike.
“Wait a second, sweetheart,” she called, “Do you want some lemonade? I’d hate to just send you home after you rode all this way.”
“Sure, Mrs. Wilson. Thank you.”
Louise followed her into the kitchen and sat down at one of the barstools to wait. It wasn’t long before she had a nice tall glass of lemonade in front of her and a bag of chips in her hand.
“You can go watch TV if you want,” Mrs. Wilson smiled at her, “I’ll be out in the garden if you ever need anything.”
“Okay, thank you,” Louise said.
She wandered into the living room, and the plush carpet under her feet felt amazing. She flicked on the television and turned it to her favorite cartoon station. She did feel strange behaving like she lived there, especially when the house was empty, but her desire to relax in the air conditioning trumped the feeling. She mindlessly watched Jerry outsmart Tom in the comfort of a home that wasn’t her’s.
Louise finished her snack but didn’t feel like returning home; she knew her mother would be there, heating the house with cigarettes and sex. Mary had moved on from Steve quickly. So, she laid down and continued watching television. At some point, she fell asleep. Louise woke up to the soft voices of Miles’ parents talking in the kitchen. Someone had turned the TV off and taken her dishes. She could hear the shower running upstairs. Louise had no idea what time it was; the sun was now visible in the living room windows, the sky was orange. She was about to get up and ask Mrs. Wilson when she heard her name. Miles’ parents were talking about her. She got up as quietly as she could and snuck closer to the swinging kitchen door.
“Is there something we can do?” Mrs. Wilson asked her husband in a concerned tone.
“I don’t think so, Jenny,” Mr. Wilson responded, “She just has a hard life, that’s all.”
“I feel like we should do more for her.”
Mr. Wilson sighed, “We can only help her when she’s here. You know what Mary thinks about handouts.”
“Oh, poor Mary,” Mrs. Wilson said, her tone sympathetic, “I should call her and tell her Louise is gonna stay the night.”
Louise heard footsteps sound in her direction. She ran as softly as she could back to her position on the couch, feigning sleep. Mrs. Wilson swung open the door and picked up the phone that hung on the wall next to it. Louise heard the click-clack of buttons being pressed, the muffled ringing, and then her mother’s voice on the other line.
“Hey, Mary,” Mrs. Wilson said, “Is it alright if Louise stays here tonight? She passed out on the couch and I don’t think it’d be smart to have her ride home now.”
Lousie couldn’t hear her mother's exact words, but she must have said it was fine because the next thing Louise knew, she was being picked up and carried up the stairs. Mrs. Wilson set her down in a room she was unfamiliar with. She figured it was the guest room. Mrs. Wilson kissed Louise gently on her forehead and told her goodnight in a whispered tone. Louise missed her mother.
The room was bird-themed. The walls were painted a dark navy, and a thin metal peacock stared at her from where it hung. A copy of the NATO phonetic alphabet was hanging, too. It must have been Miles’ old room. Louise remembered when he came to school in second grade and told her he was moving into the attic. There was an opening to the roof up there, and Miles was in love with the idea of sitting up there and watching the sun set and rise.
Miles was in love with a lot when he was little— the sun and sky, the warmth of his mother’s hugs, iced tea on a hot day. Louise didn’t think she was in love with anything. She didn’t think she ever would be. Louise was almost asleep, the plush, silky sheets lulling her into another bout of slumber. Her door squeaked open. Miles’ small frame was a shadow in the doorway. He looked so small. He didn’t walk into the room, choosing to loom in the entrance.
“Goodnight, Louise,” he said in a small voice.
“Goodnight, Miles.”
When you were little, you thought everything was perfect. The world was alive with hope and magic. Everyone got along, and there was nothing wrong.
Of course, now you know that is not true. But a part of you, a little tiny part, wants to go back to when you didn’t know. When life was good, and you didn’t know better.
That’s how the music sounds. Like you are an innocent kid sitting on the front porch eating a red cherry popsicle. The juice runs down your face. It looks like blood.
July 15, 1984
Louise was once again sitting in the back seat of the Wilsons’ Porsche, but this time, she was without a backpack-- sans her school clothes. She wore the itchy Easter dress her grandmother had gotten her two years prior. Louise wore it to her funeral. She stuck out like a sore thumb, a pastel beacon amongst the waves of black. It was Sunday—the Lord’s Day, as Mrs. Wilson had told her. Louise hadn’t been inside a church for a good reason—she’d never been to a regular Sunday mass. But last night, she had stayed the night at Miles’, so she was on her way to church. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
They pulled into the parking lot, the ancient steeple looming over the car. Louise could recognize that it was a beautiful church, but the body of Christ hanging in the stained glass window did nothing to settle her nervous stomach. The pop of car doors sounded; there was no going back.
The wooden pew was uncomfortable, the kneelers even more so. She listened to Miles’ soft whispers of direction and did as he said. She fell and rose when she should; she crossed her arms instead of taking communion, she shook hands with strangers, and mumbled, ‘Peace be with you.’ And then it was over, and Louise was waking back to the car, her white flats cutting into her feet.
“What did you think, Louise?” Mrs. Wilson asked in a kind voice.
She shrugged her shoulders, “It was okay. I didn’t really know what to do.”
“You’ll learn,” Mrs. Wilson responded, a promise on the tip of her tongue.
Louise was silent on the ride back; she leaned against the window and watched as trees blurred together in a mirage of green. Louise didn’t know what it was like to believe in God. She thought she felt it there for a moment-- a quiet tingling in the back of her mind. But then she remembered that she wasn’t with her family; the Wilsons were not her parents. She remembered her mom was working a double today so they could have electricity. And what God would think that was fair? Not one Louise wanted to believe in.
The music sounds like the church hymns your mother made you sing. She meant well; she thought she was giving you the gift of her religion. You couldn’t tell her you didn’t want it. It was all she had ever known.
What child betrays their mother?
May 21, 1985
It was the summer after sixth grade. Lousie and Miles had biked to the pool in town, a desperate attempt to escape the heat. The air was thick and humid, and sweat sprouted from Louise's skin, dampening her shirt and shorts. The sun beamed down on her back; there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The pair parked their bikes out front and ran into the small building. A bored-looking teenager accepted their fifty cents each and let them in. The air reeked of chlorine, and the painted concrete was slick with warm water. Miles and Louise threw their towels down and began to shed their swimsuits. Louise’s hands were shaking with anticipation; she hadn't been to the pool in so long.
“Race you,” Miles said, darting towards the water's edge.
“No fair,” Louise groaned as she kicked off her flip-flops and ran after him.
Louise heard a distant whistle ringing and a call that running wasn’t allowed before she splashed into the blue depths. The cool water encapsulated her, and goosebumps formed on her skin. She bobbed to the surface and saw Miles climbing out and heading towards the diving board.
They stayed until the sun was beginning to set; Miles’ mom didn’t like him being out that late on his own yet, so they peddled back home soggy clothes and pruny skin.
When Louise returned to her house, it was dark. She could see the kitchen light shining out onto the brown lawn. Steve was home. Louise’s mom, Mary, had picked him up a few months back. He was a short, fat man. His breath always smelled like beer, yeasty and vile. He had dark hair and a beard to match. Her mother claimed she really liked him, but Louise knew she just needed someone to help pay the bills.
One of the few good things about having kids as young as Louise’s mom had her is that she never had a hard time finding a sleazy older guy to keep around. Being pretty also helped, and Mary sure was pretty. Mary was tall and slender, with long, curly auburn hair. She was covered in freckles and had eyes that glowed emerald green. When Louise was young, Mary would smile often, but as her eyebags grew, her smile faded. She could fake it when needed, but it was never like Louise remembered.
Mary and Louise could have been twins— minus the smile lines she didn’t think she’d ever have the chance to earn. Maybe that was why, when Louise walked into her kitchen in nothing more than a bathing suit, Steve forced himself on her.
You clutch the armrest on your chair, digging your nails into the fabric. The music is screeching, a distorted version of what it once was. You want to cry. You think your ears are bleeding. You bite the inside of your cheek, hoping to distract yourself from the perverted disgust mess of noise assaulting you. Your mouth tastes like metal. The urge to stand and walk, no, run, out of the theater is so strong you can hardly bear it.
You do not get up.
May 22, 1985
Miles called and asked if she wanted to go swimming again. Louise didn’t have the heart to tell him she never wanted to go swimming again, so she lied and said she was sick. Miles was at her door an hour later with a container of homemade cookies and Guess Who.
The two sit on the floor of Louise’s bedroom, the soft blanket she put down covering the scratchy carpet. Louise’s room was small and dingy. The walls were cracked and stained; she lived out of one small bureau that had been unceremoniously shoved into a corner of the room. Last Christmas, she begged her mother to help her hang lights on the ceiling. They were still up, casting a rainbow glow over the room. It was the only source of light she used. She had a small nightstand piled with pencils and markers; she had long since stained her light pink sheets while drawing. Cookie crumbles littered the floor. Louise was losing the game; most of her people were still up, while Miles only had about five people left to choose from. He chewed his lip in concentration. Louise usually laughed at him for it; he always seemed to take the board games they played too seriously. This time, she didn’t notice he was doing it.
“Does your person have brown hair?” Miles questioned.
Louise didn’t respond. “Louise? Are you alrigh—”
“Do your parents ever touch you?” Louise said, eyes trained on the floor.
Miles’ face scrunched up in confusion, “You mean like hugs?”
“No.”
“What do you mean then?” Miles questioned.
Louise’s eyes fogged up with tears, “Never mind. Let’s just play the game.”
Miles eyed her with sympathetic confusion before realizing what she meant, “Louise…”
He moved to hug her, but she flinched away from him. Miles sat back; he wasn’t touching her but was close enough for her to feel the heat radiating off of him. Louise sniffled, trying desperately to contain her emotion.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Miles whispered.
Louise turned to look at him, her face pale and puffy, “Please don’t.”
Louise and Miles sat like that for a long time. When the sun set, he got up and called his mom, begging her to let him stay the night. Louise didn’t hear the conversation, but Mrs. Wilson must have agreed because the next thing she knew, she was being guided to bed, and Miles was settled on the floor next to her, leaning against the bed and holding her hand.
The music turned sweet. It drifted through your ears pleasantly, passing over the cracked, dry blood. A chorus of flutes is playing, light and soft.
It feels like the pillow in your dorm room, childhood mixed with freedom.
You know this feeling won’t last. But right now, in this moment, you lay your head down and pretend the world is new.
May 17, 1986
Miles and Louise had biked miles to the movie theater. Miles had begged Louise to see the new movie coming out, one that Louise was less than excited about. He had been to the movies some months before with his mom and had seen the trailer. The next day, he begged her to see it with him when it came out, and she agreed, not knowing anything about it.
Miles was practically giddy with excitement. His eyes glowed with it. The theater was packed; they stood in the line shoulder to shoulder with what must have been every other kid in town. Louise clung to the red crushed velvet rope that segmented the line for dear life. The feeling of so many people pressed up against her was nauseating. She screwed her eyes shut, pushing down a wave of oncoming dizziness. Before she knew it she was being pulled along to the ticket stand. Miles produced them with a broad smile on his face, “Two for Top Gun.”
He then bought a giant thing of buttery popcorn and two glass Cokes. They made their way to their seats and waited for the movie to begin. Miles shoved popcorn in his mouth, salty yellow kernels going everywhere. Trailers for various movies played on the big screen— Miles leaned over nearly every time and asked Louise if she would go with him. She said yes every time.
The movie was beautiful. It was nothing like Louise had ever seen before; it made her yearn for the sky, the feeling of freedom unlike anything she would ever know. And then it was tragic, and she was crying in her seat, wailing over someone she didn’t know. Begging him to wake up.
They left in silence, walking to the bike rack to a chorus of shoes against pavement. They stalled for a moment before getting onto their bikes and parting their ways.
“What would you do if I died?” Miles said, his eyes trained on Louise’s.
“I don’t know,” her eyes were red and puffy, “I don’t think I could go on.”
“Me neither,” Miles agreed.
Miles stared at her for a beat before getting on his bike and peddling home. Louise imagined her life without Miles on the way home. Sharp metal against skin, blood seeping into water. She didn’t think it would be much of a life.
When you were in 6th grade, you played the clarinet. You always had a fondness for them.
They were the only ones playing, the dulcet tones of a wooden reed against black plastic. The song was picking up pace, like a heartbeat.
In 6th grade band, you sat next to a girl you liked. She was better at the instrument than you. You didn’t care. You remember taking her to the winter formal and carrying her shoes when her feet got sore. You remember your dad giving you the talk before you went.
You haven’t seen her in years. You wonder how she’s doing.
The clarinets are done with their solo. You forget about her again.
August 21, 1987
This year, Louise’s birthday fell on the first day of school. She dressed nicer than usual, an attempt at vanity that made her hate herself. Miles had given her a music box that played You Are My Sunshine. Louise had told him that she missed it when her mom sang it to her before bed. She cried in the bathroom.
At lunch, she stood in line with a group of girls in her PE class. Miles was a few feet ahead of her, and the kids in her school took cutting in line more seriously than she thought was necessary, so she stayed put. She stood silently while the girls talked about a teacher they didn’t like, choosing instead to eavesdrop on the conversations around her rather than contribute to the one she was in.
Brian Miller’s voice sounded broken and raspy, like a kid with money for cigarettes and not much else. He was a stereotypical bully, big and tall, with an ugly look plastered everywhere he went. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone not being in pain. He was talking to Miles, his voice loud enough for Louise to hear from where she was: “Why do you hang out with that poor girl all the time? Does she give it up easily?”
His lips were curled in a cruel sneer, showing off his yellow teeth. Miles looked at him, barely visible to Louise over the people between them. Then, suddenly, he wound up and punched Brian square in the face. Louise heard the crunch of his nose being broken— blood spurted on the floor and onto the onlooking students. Brian grunted in pain, bringing his hand to touch his bloodied face slowly before launching into a vicious returning attack. He only got a few punches on Miles before the nearest teacher pulled him away. Louise pushed through the crowd that had formed, leaning down at Miles’ side. His face was nearly unrecognizable; bruises were starting to form already.
“Why did you do that? Oh my god, Miles, why did you do that?” Louise choked out, tears fogging her vision.
“I love you,” Miles tried to smile, blood staining his teeth.
A teacher pushed Louise out of the way, assessing the damage. What felt like seconds later, an ambulance appeared, along with Mrs. Wilson. She was frantic; her hands were shaking with fear. Everything was silent. At some point, everyone had cleared out except Louise. She was standing here like an idiot, staring at Miles’ bloodied face.
Louise felt a strong hand grab her arm, a mother’s hand, “Come on, Louise. You can ride along.” Mrs. Wilson stood in front of Louise. Her eyes were red, but she had composed herself. Louise’s voice came out as nothing more than a whisper: “Okay.”
She let herself be pulled into the ambulance; the siren was the only thing she could hear. She watched as the EMTs worked, their skilled, gloved hands dancing over his body.
“Louise, he’s gonna be okay,” Mrs. Wilson whispered in her ear, “Come here.”
She pulled Louise into a hug, hiding her view of Miles. Louise closed her eyes against Mrs. Wilson, willing her breath to slow. They stopped abruptly at the hospital. Louise and Mrs. Wilson climbed out and watched as nurses and interns swarmed Miles’ gurney. They were ushered to the waiting room and sat down on hard, terribly patterned chairs. At some point, Mrs. Wilson called Louise’s mother to tell her where she was. A doctor brought them to Miles’ room after over an hour. His face had been cleaned and bandaged, and his nose was clearly broken.
“Louise,” Miles said, his eyes lighting up.
“Miles,” Louise responded, “Are you okay?”
“I’m right as rain,” he tried to smile but winced.
“Don’t lie to me, Miles.”
“I’ll be okay,” he reassured her, reaching up to squeeze her hand.
They stood like that until Louise’s mom came to get her. Louise crawled into Mary’s beat-up Sedan and slumped in the seat.
“Are you okay, baby?” Mary asked her.
“Mom, what if he died?” Louise ignored the question.
Mary sighed, “Sweetheart he’s fine. He’s just got a concussion and a broken nose.”
“I know,” Louise said, “I know he’s fine.”
The bags under Mary’s eyes seemed heavier today, and her face seemed more wrinkled. Louise looked more like her every day.
The music takes on a somber tone. Long, drawn-out notes fill the air. You think of your mother again, the way she looked sunken in her hospital bed— decaying before your eyes. You remember the feel of her bony, pale hands wiping away your tears in her final moments.
It was the first time you saw your dad cry.
The wail of violin chokes you.
December 17, 1988
Louise was lying on her back in Miles’ bed. He’s had the same one since they were kids; the box springs creak under their weight. Miles was above her, his eyes boring holes in hers. His parents were not home, the house was eerily quiet— the ambient creaking distracting Louise. His record player sang sweet music from his desk. His room was cluttered with dirty clothes and various knick-knacks. A blue paper swan sat on his bookshelf next to his worn copy of The Hobbit. His closet was open, casting weird shadows along the walls. The lights were off.
The soft touch of Miles’ lips trailed down her chest to her stomach. She tried to push down the nausea— make her body stop squirming. Her hand clutched his shoulder tightly. He had asked if this was okay. She had said yes.
Louise felt another article of clothing being slid off her body. She was cold. Her eyes shot to the ceiling. One glowing star was still stuck on the popcorn texture. Miles had taken them off the year before. He had missed one. Louise felt the heat of salty water run down her face into the soft pillow. She hated herself.
‘Dear God,’ she thought, ‘if you can hear me please, please just let me be okay. Let me want this.’
She didn’t receive a response. God wasn’t listening. It was just her and Miles in a house too big, in a world too small.
“Louise?” Miles said, his voice laced with concern, “Hey. Are you okay?”
All she could muster was an ‘I’m sorry’ before getting up, running into the bathroom, and emptying her stomach into the toilet.
The air stunk of sour yeast.
The music bounced up and down, building up to its crescendo. Excitement filled your chest, the entire orchestra almost all playing now.
A chorus of brass filled the air—French horns and trumpets battle for dominance on stage. Your eyes are wide in anticipation; you have waited the entire night for this.
You are sixteen, and you and your friends sit around a fire, passing a bottle of Jack around. It is the Friday before school starts. You wanted one last night of summer fun before your life filled with books and assignments.
The whiskey burns a path down your throat. It makes you nauseous. You get so drunk you can’t stand up. Your vision blurs as you stumble into the surrounding woods. You are alone. You vomit more than you thought was possible. You think you are going to die. You miss your mom.
You haven't drank since.
You don’t think you ever will.
August 4, 1989
The granite bar was cool under Louise’s fingertips. She sat in Miles’ kitchen, spinning nervously on the metal bar stool. She was chewing her lip; her mouth tasted like blood. Miles sat next to her, his demeanor the exact opposite of Louise’s.
“I mean, come on, Louise. What are you gonna do with your life?” Mrs. Wilson lectured her.
“I don’t know,” Louise mumbled.
Mrs. Wilson sighed, “Miles has wanted to be a pilot since he was eight. What do you want?”
Louise took a deep breath, “I don’t know. I’m sorry I can’t be like Miles. But I’m not your fucking kid so leave me alone.”
Louise stood up and stomped up the stairs. She heard Mrs. Wilson yelling her name, but she didn’t turn around. She buried herself in Miles’ bed, wrapping herself in his soft comforter. Louis heard the stairs creak with weight and then a knock on the door.
“Louise, I’m sorry,” Miles said, walking into the room.
Louise sat up, her face dry, “Why are you sorry? You didn’t yell at me.”
“I still feel sorry,” he said as he sat down next to her.
Louise took a deep breath and leaned on his shoulder. Miles rested his head against hers, “She loves you, you know.”
“I know.”
“She just wants you to do well,” Miles said.
“She wants me to be better than my mother,” Louise corrected.
“Is that so bad?”
The music doesn’t matter right now. You are fifteen, and your father is yelling at you about your future. You don’t know what you want to do. You want to be better than him.
He backhands you.
The arm of the person next to you brushes against yours. You jump. The conductor's hands are blurry with movement. The theater is alive with sound.
You miss your dad.
February 14, 1990
Louise and Miles sat across from each other in a restaurant that was too nice for the amount of money they brought. Louise ran her fingers across the laminated menu, fidgeting nervously with the edge of the paper. The restaurant was packed, Miles had made the reservations months in advance.
“Do you know what you want?” Miles asked.
Louise pursed her lips, “I think I’m gonna get the chicken piccata.”
Miles eyed the menu, “That looks good.”
“What are you gonna get?” she returned the question.
Miles smiled, almost boyishly, “The steak.”
Louise hummed in response. She set her menu down and reached for her water glass, running her finger across the rim. Condensation dripped down outside the glass, her fingerprints marking the surface.
“Are you excited about prom?” Miles asked.
Louise laughed a little, “Do we really have nothing else to talk about other than a dance in two months?”
Miles rolled his eyes playfully, “I guess not. What did we talk about when we were kids?”
“I have honestly no idea,” Louise smiled, “I don’t think we talked a lot. We mostly played.”
“We did play an ungodly amount of Donkey Kong.”
Louise chuckled, “God, was that game even good? Or were we just kids?”
“I honestly have no idea,” Miles smiled.
The waiter came by and took their order, collecting their menus and refreshing their drinks. It wasn’t long before their food arrived; the plates were decedent and beautiful. They left the restaurant with doggy bags in hand and significantly poorer than when they walked in. Louise clambered into Miles’ truck and waited for Miles to start it. But he didn’t. He was staring at her instead.
“What?” she asked incredulously.
He smiled at her, “I have something for you.”
Her face fell in surprise, “Miles, you told me the dinner was a gift.”
“Well,” Miles shrugged. He reached into his pocket and produced a small velvet box. She took it gingerly into her hands, excitement boiling in her chest. She opened the box softly and found two silver rings. One was engraved with ‘Miles,’ and the other said ‘Louise.’ Miles picked up the one that said his name and handed it to her.
“This one is for you,” he looked at her with huge puppy-dog eyes, “And the other one is for me.”
“Miles…”
“Do you like it?” he asked nervously.
She melted, “I love it. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said, leaning in and kissing her sweetly.
“Are your parents home?” she asked against his lips.
“No, they won’t be home in hours.”
This time was different than the first. No bile rose up into Louise’s throat; she didn’t have to repress her squirming body. The air smelled like clean linen— fresh and new.
You are crying, and you don’t know why. The music sounds more like singing now, wrapping you in lyrics and hugs. You feel warm and fuzzy. Like you are a little kid who just got home after swimming all day. You are tired in the perfect way. You sink into your blankets and fall asleep.
A humming noise wakes you up. You are in the theater. There is music playing. You aren’t a kid anymore.
You had a drink at dinner before the concert.
You swallowed it with ease.
March 20, 1990
The hum of the radio filled the sweet night air. Louise and Miles lounged in the bed of his beat-up pickup. It was his father's old farm truck, a janky, rusty thing that only ran when it felt like it, but Miles loved it. It was his pride and joy. Any weekend he wasn’t with Louise, he was fixing it up; he would spend hours under the body of that thing, coming into the house reeking of oil and exhaust. Mrs. Wilson hated it; she feared for the safety of her nice beige carpet and the cleanliness of his jeans.
It was freshly spring; it was dry and warm for the first time this year. They were laying on his mother’s old picnic blanket, something she probably wouldn’t care for if she knew. It was pitch black, the only thing that illuminated them were the stars and the faint light of Louise’s kitchen light. They had returned from cruising around town, and neither wanted to go inside yet. They had been lulled into a comfortable silence, their hands knotted together perfectly. And then, suddenly, Louise had a question.
“Do you hate me?”
“Louise…” Miles sighed.
Nervousness leaked into her tone, “I was just making sure.”
“That I don’t hate you? Even though we’re dating?” Miles scoffed, “Why would I be with you if I hated you? What would I gain from that?”
“What if you were using me?” Louise said, her voice small.
“Oh my god,” Miles sat up and put his head in his hands, “‘What if’ Louise, when have I ever, in our entire lives, used you?”
“I don—” she started.
“If you are basing your fear of our relationship on ‘what ifs,’ maybe we shouldn’t be together. You are so absorbed in your past that it's like you aren’t even seeing me, not now, not in the present,” Miles shot at her.
“That’s not fair,” Louise said, her voice breaking with emotion.
Miles took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for what happened, and I get that healing is a hard and long process. But, Louise, I’m tired, too. ”
Hot, stinging tears rolled down Louise’s face, wetting the blanket, “I know you love me. Sometimes I’m just scared.”
“Why are you scared?” Miles whispered.
“I don’t know,” she sniffled, “I am what I am.”
“You are what you are,” Miles repeated, “And I’m tired of pretendning I can change that.”
“Then stop.”
Louise wiped the tears off her face and climbed out of the truck. Her receding footsteps echoed in Miles' head, a pounding that sounded eerily like his heartbeat— fast and hard. Miles sat there for a long while. The radio was still on, blasting The Smiths.
Trumpets blast loud, then louder. You think your eardrum might burst. Then, the music lulls to a stop. The lights do not come on. It is like the entire world has stopped to take a breath. One big inhale. You fill your lungs. The air smells like honeysuckle.
You are a child running in the yard with your dog. You are barefoot. You step on a bee. You limp into the house and cry to your mother. She puts your foot on ice.
You will never feel the grass on your bare foot again. You do not need to learn the lesson twice.

I (26f) am in the middle of graduate school (for a professional degree - think MD/JD/MBA, just don't want to be too specific). Back in my first year, I was randomly paired with a student in his last year (29m) to be my tutor. We clicked pretty immediately, and became very fast friends. I learned fairly soon into the friendship that he had a gf who was a few hours away. We eventually stopped hanging out for tutoring and began hanging out as friends, and he quickly became a close friend of mine. When I first met him, I had a huge crush on him, mostly because of how well we got along. Once I learned of his girlfriend though, I trained myself to stop thinking of him that way, and while I still find him attractive, I don't actively have feelings anymore. He came to dinner once with just my mom and me, and my mom later told me she found him to be extremely flirtatious with me. While I don't believe he's outwardly so, he will make the occasional innuendo (passes it off as a joke) and can be touchy (picked up my hand and wrist to look at my bracelet, held onto my hand for a little too long). We grew up very similarly and had similar childhoods and life experiences, and we bonded over that.
He now lives a few hours away with his gf. Every other week or so, I will either go spend a day with him, or he will come see me for the day. His gf usually does not join, and she's been pleasant to me, but a bit short. Around my birthday, he came down to go out to dinner, and I learned she was with him while they were on their way. The dinner was weird, and I felt like there was tension, but figured it was just me. We didn't see each other for a while after that.
Recently, my parents were in town, and he traveled to come out to dinner with us, just the 4 of us. My mom — who'd met him before — commented that she didn't think he was as flirty with me as he was before. After dinner, we went out for some drinks, and I (sort of drunkenly) asked about the birthday dinner and if his gf didn't like me. He told me that while they hadn't explicitly discussed it, he got the sense that she was jealous of me, and maybe even "suspicious" of our friendship. He continued to say that she's never acted this way before around any of his other friends, male or female. The craziest part to me is that he seems to be confused as to why she would feel that way.
I cannot imagine that he truly doesn't understand how our friendship can be perceived as inappropriate. I don't know how he feels about me, but I feel icky now knowing that this is how his gf feels and that he doesn't think anything needs to change. If I were her, I would be upset, and I do not want to put another woman in a position like that. It's not fair.
I'm thinking about talking to him, telling him that this friendship does not feel purely platonic, that there have been feelings on my side at some point, and that I think we need to step back a bit. Is there any other choice? I need advice.

Hey, I’m reaching out for some advice on a challenging situation I’ve been dealing with in a friendship, and I could really use some perspective. Here’s the backstory: I (21M) have been friends with a girl (22F) for about four years now. We met in college and formed a close bond, supporting each other through thick and thin. However, things have become more complicated as time has passed. We both went our separate ways after college, with me pursuing computer science at university and her studying dentistry. Despite the distance, we maintained communication through social media. However, I’ve noticed a pattern in our interactions – she often leaves me on read for days, especially when the conversation becomes deep or emotional. It’s like she disappears whenever things get serious. Despite this, we still exchange messages, and she even comes to me for help with her studies sometimes. However, I’ve never asked her for anything in return. I’ve tried addressing the issue of her disappearing act, but she always brushes it off. I've also made it clear to her that our relationship will always be platonic and that I won't pursue anything romantic with her. Despite this, I suspect she's trying to manipulate me into falling for her. Fast forward to now, and our friendship feels one-sided. She claims to love and miss me, but her actions don’t reflect that. It seems like I’m the only one putting effort into maintaining our friendship. She gets jealous when I mention other girls, which adds another layer of complexity to our dynamic. Recently, she’s been ignoring my messages on Snapchat, only replying when I explicitly ask her to. It’s frustrating because I’ve tried initiating mature conversations about our friendship, but she doesn’t engage. I believe life’s too short to waste on one-sided relationships, but I’m torn because I value our history and the potential for our friendship. However, her behavior is disrespectful, and I’m not sure how to address it without causing further tension. I’m considering cutting ties with her, but I also have a sister who’s interested in dentistry, and I worry that my friend’s behavior might influence her negatively. Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for your input. TL;DR: Friend of four years is distant and disrespectful, and I’m unsure how to address it without jeopardizing our friendship or influencing my sister negatively.

RH Wishlist
Steampunk Set - Steampunk Undercity Sword Belt
Shoes - Flowers From the Garden - Head Over Heels - Marilyn Monroe - Petite Mermaid Fairy - Sky Mission Boots - Strappy Wonder-Fairy - Winged Unicorn Fairy
Skirts - Large Train Bow Skirt - Fanned Out Bow Skirt - Gothic Lolita Skirt - Ruffle Velvet Bow Mini-Skirt - Velvet Bow Royal Mini-Skirt
Bodices - Worm Bodice
Valentines Items - Original Giant Teddy Bear - Original Teddyzilla - Teddyzilla - Celestial Cathedral Veil - Powder Heart Backpack - Original 2019 Elegant Parasol
Saint Patricks Items - Friendship Necklace Right - Classic Golden Chain
Easter Items - Fuzzy Bunny Ears - Spring Circlet - Butterfly Pavilion Fascinator - Fluffy Bunny Tail with Bow - Easter Basket - Baby Chick Backpack - Dear Daisy Sun Hat - Blossoming Dewdrop Gown - Silverbell Fairy Skirt - Fragrant Floral Bell Earrings - Dancing Daisy Flower Parasol - Delicate Flowering Lace Bunny Mask - Overgrowth Vines Ear Cuff
Halloween Items - Windy Witch Hat - Crescent Moon Cloak - Too Cool for Skull Shoulder Bag - Otherworldly Potion - Magical Broomstick - Nightmare Cavern Lantern - Kitty Candy bag 2022 - Fuzzy Monster Candy Bag Backpack 2023
Christmas Items - My Present Box - Pompom Beanie - Santa’s Beard - Candy Cane Swords - Beasty Snow Antlers - Fuzzy Bracelet - Soft Plush Antlers - Christmas Celebration Headband - Fuzzy Earmuffs - Elf Ears - Fur Collar - Stocking Bows - Shy Scarf - Festive Hair Bow - Icey Snowflake Earrings - Winter Fashion Shawl/Scarf - Wish Upon a Star Earrings - Snowman’s Top Hat
New Years Items - 2019 Party Hat - 2020 Party Hat - Rosie’s Rose - Bahia’s Pacifier - Anzu’s Mindwings - Antilique’s Horns - LeahAshe’s Bear Ears - Bunny Slippers - 2022 Celebration Headband - Cristal’s Tiara
Summer Items - Oversized Summer Shirt - Swimmer Flippers
Accessories - Bad Kitty Headphones - Callmehbob Diamond Ring - Heart of the Ocean Necklace - Mood Changing Necklace - Totally Not a Nerd Glasses - Antique Messenger Satchel
Halos (Highly Wanted) - Dark Fairy Halo - Eveningfall 2023 - Divine Adoration - Everfriend Halo 2024 - Entwined Vines - Flowering Halo 2024 - Halloween Halo 2021 - Mermaid Halo 2020 - Mermaid Halo 2022 - Solarix Halo Tidalglow 2023 - Starlight Halo - Flowering 2023 - Valentines Halo 2020 - Witching Hour Halo - Autumn 2022
Halos (Semi-Wanted) - Frosty Fortitude - Glitterfrost Halo 2023 - Halloween Halo 2020 - Lucky Halo 2021 - Spring Halo 2021 - Winter Halo 2021
Halos (Collector, Low Want) - Autumn Halo 2019 - Corrupt Halo - Easter Halo 2019 - Glimmering Alien Halo - Glimmering Light Halo - Halloween Halo 2018 - Halloween Halo 2019 - Lucky Halo 2019 - Lucky Halo 2020 - Mermaid Halo 2019 - Mermaid Halo 2021 - Spring Halo 2020 - Spring Halo 2022 - Valentines Halo 2019 - Valentines Halo 2021 - Winter Crystal Halo 2018 - Winter Halo 2019 - Winter Halo 2020 - Winter Halo 2022

Sets can be purchased or traded as a whole or individually.
Sleigh It Set - 1 Sleigh It Skirt - 1 Sleigh It Bodice
Royale Rebel Set - 2 Royale Rebel Laced Boots - 1 Royale Rebel Spiked Veil - 1 Royale Rebel Locket Pendant Corset
Goddess of Triumph Set - 2 GoT Skirt - Victorious Skirt - 2 GoT Shoes - Heels of Immortality - 2 GoT Sleeves - Fearless Gloves - 1 GoT Parasol - Ribbon Parasol - 2 GoT Bodice - Bodice of Hope - 2 GoT Hat - Femme Fleur Fascinator - 2 GoT Earrings - Rosette Rhinestone Earrings
Cherry Blossom Set - 1 Cherry Blossom Kimono Skirt - 1 Cherry Blossom Wooden Sandals Geta - 1 Cherry Blossom Budding Bodice - 1 Cherry Blossom Billowing Sleeves - 1 Cherry Blossom Back Bow - 1 Cherry Blossom Hairpin - 1 Cherry Blossom Hand Fan
TTYL Set - 1 TTYL Chick Fave Bodice & Necklace - 1 TTYL Chick Snowball Puff Earrings
December’s Dream Set - 1 December’s Dream Shoes - 1 December’s Dream Sleeves & Gloves
Winter Guardian Set - 1 Winter Guardian Snowstorm Skirt - 1 Winter Guardian Glacier Boots - 1 Winter Guardian Aura Antlers - 1 Winter Guardian Thermal Bodice /Tailcoat - 1 Winter Guardian Enchanted Sleeves
Shadow Empress Set - 1 Shadow Empress Skirt - 1 Shadow Empress Chained Boots - 1 Shadow Empress Fallen Angel Sleeves - 2 Shadow Empress Chained Bodice - 1 Shadow Empress Jeweled Crown
DotD Set - 1 DotD Aromatic Flower Crown - 1 DotD Aromatic Head Flowers
Princess Starfrost Set - 1 Princess Starfrost Crystal Scepter - 1 Princess Starfrost Figure Skates - 1 Princess Starfrost Cozy Bodice - 1 Princess Starfrost Shooting Stars Cape - 1 Princess Starfrost Ribbon Bonnet
Snow Swan Set - 1 Snow Swan Adorned Ornamental Necklace & Earring Set
Peppermint Princess Set - 2 Peppermint Princess Sleeves
Versailles Set - 4 Versailles Snow Powder Coat
Skirts - 2 Magical Enchantress Skirt ♥ 1 on hold - Deb - 1 Cottage Princess - 1 Sparkly Sarong - 4 Royal Stroll in the Garden - 2 North Pole Presents Skirt
Heels / Shoes - 1 Glittering Jelly Platforms - 1 Snuggly Reindeer Slippers - 3 Huggly Snuggly Booties - 1 Carol of the Elves Booties
Saint Patricks Items - 1 Chocolate Lucky Coin - 1 Stars & Moon Pendant - 1 Don’t Pick Me Please - 2 Rainbow Visors - Rainbow Ears - 2 Over the Rainbow Sleeves - 2 Lucky Top Hat - 1 Lucky Bow Pin - 1 Hip Bag of Coins - 2 Leprechaun Belt - 1 Ruffle Top Hat - 1 Exquisite Emerald Earrings - 1 Treasure Satchel - 1 Bouquet of Clovers - 3 Dangly Rainbow Earrings
Easter Items - 2 Spring Cleaning Headband - 3 Spring Queen Crown - 1 Springtide Flower Crown - 2 Holding Cute Bunnies - 1 Exquisite Easter Tie - 3 Easter Egg Boppers - 1 Sweet Bunny Hair Bows - 1 Cute Animal Nose - 1 Trip to the Market Hat Halloween Items - 1 Arachnofabulous - 1 Supernatural Hoop Earrings - 1 Kawaii Demon Horns - 1 Kawaii Reaper - 1 Classic Ghost Costume - 1 Sparkly Body Chain - 1 Abnormally Large and Very Pokey Fork - 1 Studded Rose Garters - 1 Pretty Kitty Tail - 2 Witch’s Little Pet Staff - 1 Spider Friend - 2 Bat Tophat - 2 Bat Earrings - 1 Vampire’s Heir - 1 Glowing Pumpkin Wand - 1 Jack-o-Lantern Boppers - 1 Skull Crown - 1 Sparkling Crow Crown - 1 Nomnom Chocolate Bar - 1 Spinning Web Boppers - 1 Ruffle Collar
Christmas - Winter Items - 2 Present Disguise - 3 Sparkly Christmas Bells Earring - 2 Light-Up Ornament Necklace - 4 Glittering Noel Bows - 1 Woodland Faun Hooves - 3 Ice Prince Shawl Cape - 4 Polar Cutie Bear Hat - 2 Polar Bear Beret Cap - 2 Elf Helper Hat - 4 Gone with the Wind Bow Headband - 2 Crisp Air Puffy Jacket - 2 Iced Gingerbread Earrings - 2 Father Christmas Present Bag - 1 Good Tidings Shawl Cape - 1 Reindeer Crossbody - 1 Christmas Window Shopping Top Hat - 1 Frozen Luggage - 2 Warm Glittering Cloak - 1 Cute Carrot Nose - 2 Lace Snowflake Stole Scarf - 2 Flower Vines Arm Beauty - 1 Magical Fairy Lights - 1 Aurora’s Battleaxe - 1 Dashing Through the Snow Scarf - 1 Frozen Royalty Crown - 1 Huggly Snuggly Knitted Beanie Hat - 1 Aurora’s Longsword - 2 Merry Sparkly Dress - 1 Fuzzy Warm Frost Hat - 1 Lolita Lovely Bow Lacey Scarf - 2 Sparkly Candy Cane Ears - 1 Very Cozy Gloves / Mittens - 1 Very Cozy Hat
Summer Items - 1 Sea Star Pearl Bracelet - 1 Nomnom Frosted Donut Arm Floaties - 1 Nomnom Frosted Donut Waist Floaties - 1 Seashell Hair Clips
Randoms - 2 Dragging Skirt Helper: Tilt-Be-Gone-o-Matic! - 1 American Flag

(They're not really connected to each other all the time and they don't make sense all the time Lmao... they're literally random ideas I get about this season)
*KEEP IN MIND THAT IN THS POST... SOPHIE'S THE VILLAIN... IT CAN BE LUNA AND OAKLEY CAN BE YOUR OG LI.... THE SAME FOR JACK AND JIN CAN BE THE BITCH).
BEGGINING - COUPLE GOALS.
-First of all... FUCK pre ep-1 Villa... I wasn't there and I ain't paying 29 gems for that shit... I'm the MC, the story only matters when I'm in it.
-Why did they waste Tyler like that? The boy's just discarded the minute MC doesn't choose him... Wasn't Sophie/Luna into him?! It would shake up the story!!
*Sophie/Luna was showing very clear interest in our LI... you could make her choose him so.... Jack gets a redemption arc and stops being a bitch to MC... maybe even starts to like her. OR... MC gets stuck with Tyler and gets her revenge on Jack and Sophie/Luna by dumping Jack/Jin and choosing Tyler.
(If Jack/Jin gets his redemption arc... he wouldn't like Sophie anymore cause he likes MC now)
*If MC gets stuck with Jack/Jin or Tyler... she could also sneak off with her OG/Claudia LI to fuck... and since MC's a cunt... she would have the option to rub it in Sophie's face Sienna style.
*Instead of dumping a couple... we dump a random boy and girl.... choices reamain the same and Theo,Claudia, MC and Sophie's partner get "immunity".
*If we dump Sophie... Our OG LI remains single.... or we cand dump boring ass Emel.
*If we dump Jack/Tyler... WE're the ones who're single.... or we can dump boring ass Oakley.
​
NOW FOR PRE CASA.
-We could also.... not fake dump our LI only to bring him back THE NEXT DAY.... that's just some fake tension BS.
-Just introduce Bea and Hari after the dumping and make a surprise recoupling... since they're single and someone has been dumped from the Villa.
THE BRANCHING:
*IF our partner's not voted off.
-If we flirt with Hari... he'll steal us from Jack/Tyler.... IF HE GETS THE PERMISSION... otherwise we'll have the choice to talk with the one who we want to pick us.
-If not... we'll only have the choice to say who we want to pick us... Jack/Tyler (IF WE FLIRT)... or our OG LI.
-If we are friendly/cold with Jack/Tyler... and if we reject Hari... our OG LI would steal us by default.
-He (Jack/Tyler) wouldn't mind MC sneaking off with OG LI/Claudia if MC was friendly... cause he would understand she doesn't see him as a LI.
-If she did that while being cold... he would dislike her even more.
-If MC sneaked off while flirting with him... he would want explanations.... if we mend things with him... his redemption arc keeps going either as our friend or as our LI (we wouldn't be able to sneak anymore if he ends up as a LI after our conversation.
-If MC chooses to be rude with him... his redemption arc ends and he becomes a bitch again.
>>> THE SAME WOULD HAPPEN IF WE GOT STUCK WITH TYLER.... but he would just become a bitch to MC since he was nice to everyone.
​
*IF SOPHIE STAYS AND IF MC PICKED JACK
-If we flirt with Jack and if we let him... he chooses her.
-Our OG LI would choose last, meaning we would be his only option... IF WE DON'T LET HARI/JACK STEAL US.
. Bea chooses our OG LI if we let Jack picl us....... meaning Hari chooses Sophie... she thought he has hot so... Jack will treat Bea as a friend.
-If we're friends with Jack... he feels happy for us and Bea chooses him.
-If not... Bea chooses Jack... leaving Sophie with Hari... but Jack will still be a bitch and treat Bea much worse.
- Bea will choose our OG LI if we let Hari or Jack/Tyler pick us and two volumes later we go to Casa.
​
IF MC CHOSE TYLER. AND IF SOPHIE STAYS.
-He won't have a redemption arc cause he was not a bitch.
-If MC was flirty with him... he'll ask her if she wants him to pick her.
-If she was just friendly... he'll respect her wishes and is chosen by Bea...
-If MC was cold towards him... Bea still chooses him..... but since he's not a bitch like Jack... they would stay a friendship couple.... the dialogues will be the only thing changing... he and MC wouldn't be friends.
-Hari would still pick Sophie if MC wasn't interested in him.
-Bea would still pick our OG LI if we said we wanted TyleHari to pick us.
​
IF SOPHIE'S DUMPED
-Our OG LI's single... so he'll pick us after Hari and Bea pick their partners... IF WE SAY NO TO HARI/JACK/TYLER.... otherwise Bea picks the OG after Hari... meaning our OG LI wouldn't pick anymore.
-If we allow Hari/OG LI... he steals us from Jack/Tyler... and their reaction will branch (The same if Sophie stays but without our OG LI being single):
-If we flirt with Jack/Tyler... they get very upset.... much more than if Sophie stays... cause the OG LI didn't pick after them this time... he straight up stole MC.
-If we're just friendly... they'll be happy for her.
-If MC's cold towards them... Jack will be a bitch and Tyler will feel happy for both of them being free from each other. (IF she's not flirting with him while sneaking off and IF... she's nice with him after their conversation about her playing him... otherwise he'll dislike MC).
-If our OG LI/Jack/Tyler steals us... Hari picks Emel... and she has no beef with MC so... who cares?
-That would also mean Bea would still pick Jack/Tyler if we got back with our OG LI.
​
*If our partner's voted off. (Jack/Tyler)
-Since we're single... we'll choose first... meaning we can choose the Bombshells... meaning only the one who wasn't picked will get to pick/steal someone.
IF SOPHIE STAYS.
-She likes Hari, right? She thinks she's hot... so if we don't pick him... he still picks her.
-THIS TIME... we can choose Theo. our OG LI, or Hari.... if we do choose Theo, Claudia stays single.
-She'll be fake dumped just like S6 and two volumes later, we meet her during Casa and she's forced to twist.
-Bea will either choose our OG LI (if we don't choose him).... or Oakley... and nothing would happen cause Oakley has no beef with the MC
IF SOPHIE'S DUMPED
-The same would happen, but Hari would pick Emel... and nothing would happen cause she likes MC.

Hey everyone! I've got a low stakes question for you today.
I live in the US and grew up in New England, lived in NYC for awhile, and then moved across the country to the rural PNW. The cultures have been very different!
It was a difficult transition for me because the PNW absolutely LOVES small talk, isn't inclined towards deep friendships (Seattle freeze), and they're intolerant of negative emotions.
I've learned to be grateful for my experience here because I am so much more confident and able to talk to strangers, but on the flip side, the fact that everyone is so upbeat makes me feel like I have to make every interaction as enjoyable as possible, and I end up obsessing over every little detail of every conversation.
In NYC, I could easily have negative interactions and write them off because it's socially acceptable to be apathetic or in a bad mood. I miss the culture of being kind (other-centered behavior pattern) rather than nice (self-centered behavior pattern) and I miss being able to have honest conversations with people about deep things that don't necessarily have to be positive.
So, where do you live and how do you like it? Feel free to be as specific or generic as you like. If you really appreciate a certain culture, even if you don't live in the midst of it, I'd love to hear about that too!
ETA: If anybody could tell me why this post is being downvoted that’d be cool too. Whatever my mistake was, I don’t want to make it again when posting in the future.

I made it a year, though I didn't really work the past two or so months. I went from being a full time CEM to part time CEM and after calling HR and having extended conversations about the Manager (who was/is absolute trash for anyone who wasn't a white man) I was demoted to regular associate, told through a text message, and had pay reduced by $4 an hour. I didn't even bother to come back to a shift after that.
Almost every employee I've met at Michaels was a creative, thoughtful, empathetic soul who had a niche artistic interest and was just a genuine joy to be around. Michaels doesn't value that, sadly, and your horrible experience (and mine) is pretty much the standard across the nation's stores. I'm so sorry.
I don't hold a lot of hope in this store, I hate saying that. I remember what an institution it was when I was growing up. My bestie Heidi and I used to buy embroidery floss, make friendship bracelets out of them and sell them at school in 4th-6th grade. Until we were told that it wasn't legal and they made us stop. I think after that we bought craft paint and yarn, painted rocks while the rest of the six grade was in sex education (we weren't allowed to take it because Christianity) and sold the rocks. Michaels' totally supported my bath products and CD collection back then.
I wish the store's higher ups valued the workers like they value their own paycheck. Heads up CEO, you're making over $3M a year. I offered a single mom $10.20 an hour during peak season. I was so ashamed.
Working at Michaels changed me in a profound way, and I truly mean that. I watched people work incredibly hard just so the burden of work didn't fall on the shoulders of their coworkers, people working through illness and injury, people constantly away from their kids. I held a sobbing 20 year old employee on their first shift back from a stint at a Pysc Hospital where they'd frantically tried to salvage their mental health. One day back in the store that poor child just couldn't one more day. I'm grateful they quit. I hugged and listened to multiple trans employees who were bullied by the SM, reported it, and was ignored. To them, I am so sorry. I did everything I could. Watching the lack of communication, the intentional gossip, bullying, general awfulness in that place was DEVASTATING. Every shift I came back from I was sad, broken, and exhausted. I can't pretend I'm not relieved to be out. I had nothing left to give that place.
I hope everyone looking for something else finds it. I wish those staying fulfillment and peace.
​
​
​

Multi Part story.
Fantasy.
Any feedback / commentary is welcomed.
Enjoy!
*****
“Go on Hal, it’s a simple spell – slithering serpent unlock the lock.” His professor prompted him in front of the class. Hal glanced at his classmates. Wizards and witches in the making. They were young teenagers. The academy was famous for its introductory courses. He took a deep breath, desperately attempting to ignore the murmurs and whispers in the room, that were most unpleasant to him.
‘He’s gonna blow it up’
‘no no he’ll melt it’
‘he’s going to summon a serpent.’
They were whispering among themselves.
He inhaled through his nose. “Slithering serpent of the lock to unlock.” He misspoke the basic spell.
“NO!” his professor shouted. The small box lock in his hands squirmed and softened. His magic failed, and the misphrase caused an undesired effect. The shackle of the lock pulled itself out of the hole and flicked its tongue. In his hands were now a metal lock’s body, and a metallic snake. Hal gasped, tossing the snake over his shoulder.
“I told you he’ll screw it up.” Shouted another teenager.
“Flamius, engulf!” Another student cast a simple enflaming spell, setting the metallic snake on fire. Hal sighed. Echoes of voices and screams slowly faded. He turned a small lock in his hands, examining it. Intricate patterns carved into the lock’s body were magical in nature. He sighed once more.
“Slithering serpent…” He whispered softly and then stashed the lock away in the inner pocket of his long coat.
After another short nap, he finally got up from the comfort of his resting spot. A grassy patch under a big tree with wide-spread branches, casting a comforting shadow over the entire patch. He placed his hand on the tree and bowed in respect.
“Thank you for the protection, o’old one.”
The tree shook gently, shedding a handful of leaves.
The path he followed was partly overgrown with half-withered grass. The valley in which he found himself seemed to be experiencing a drought. Most of the grass was dried and most weeds were struggling to show any colors other than yellow and brown. Hal was a versed traveler, for he had never managed to find a place he could call home. The longest he managed to stay at a place was 2 years, before an explosive accident resulted in his untimely departure.
“Meowdy traveler.” Smirked a merchant from the driver’s seat of a cart – one of many. A whole caravan was lined up behind, slowly coming to a halt. At a quick glance, Hal counted no less than 12 carts.
“A whole caravan huh? Where do you hail from?” The merchant raised his hand, nibbling on a weed’s stem. He had a sly smirk on his face, and his pupils were narrow and slit-like. Hal focused on the stranger’s eyes, but they were suddenly normal again.
“We’re a traveling group, usually transporters of goods, haulers as your kind calls us.” He replied in a snarky tone. “Returning from the Merila mines, carrying mostly silver ore.” The merchant continued. “Not much to offer, but feel free to peek around if you so desire?”
Hal tilted his head to the side. “Merila mines…There was a rumor of a ‘sage’ that lives there, in the mountains. Heard of him?”
The merchant’s lips curled up into a grin. “Nyess! Though we don’t trade for free, traveler.” Hal pondered.
“I have not much to offer… Basic magical services perhaps? Or, some herbs?”
The merchant seemingly sniffed the air. “That’d be purrfect… Let us settle, set a camp, if you assist I’ll give you a, discount.”
Hal saw no reason not to offer a helping hand to the merchants.
“How long have you been on the road for?” He inquired of a younger lad whom he was helping unload the tents and supplies from 1 of the carts.
“Ohhhh hecking if I know… We departed the Merila uhhh, two days ago? By foot it’ll take you another 4-5 I reckon, maybe even 7, that’s where you headin’ yes? Long journey still… We’r enroute to the port city Calinda to the west.”
The nightfall in a valley surrounded by a range of mountains always came suddenly. One moment it was still day, and then suddenly it was all engulfed by shadows. That evening he found himself enjoying a hearty fishy-stew that was freshly cooked by the merchants. They were a fascinating group that within a few hours went from a traveling caravan to a well set-up self-sustaining camp.
They even had a portable shower. When darkness came, they had traps with baits set up to catch critters for food.
“Sooo, murrster…” Began 1 of the eldest-looking of the merchants.
“Hal, just Hal… uhm…. None of the wizards bear a last name. He explained, curious as to how the merchants seemingly didn’t know that common fact.
“Ahh I see I see, my apologies. A wizard is what we seeked in fact!”
Hal nodded, and gulped anxiously. “Y…yeah?? what for…??
“Nyah, it’s no biggie…”
A rustling behind a tent caught Hal’s attention. His head snapped in the direction of the noise. It was a strange noise, a mixture of cracking bones, squishy flesh, and a tear of the fabric of reality. He knew that last sound especially well. His breathing got heavier. His eyes widened from fright.
He was in a classroom. Learning simple levitation spells. It would mostly serve as a means of making objects float and controlling them.
“World hear me and obey my will, leave it free of your will.” A simple cast, with channeling one’s mana underneath the object to cancel out the gravity effect on the object, and then simple control of it through use of the channeled mana to make the object move.
Hal’s turn. He stepped up. His gaze fixated on the small cannon-ball replica that sat on the table.
“Occasionally we, the mages of the world, find ourselves at the front lines, serving our country. Though real ones are much heavier, this one is hollowed out. Try making it float.” The professor of practical magic instructed.
Hal sighed with his hand extended. “Hear me and obey my will, leave the world free of your will.”
The instructor blinked out of confusion.
Although the cast was mostly similar, the effect was anything but ordinary. The cannonball disappeared, swallowed into a rift that tore through the reality behind it. Through the rift a clawed hand emerged, grasping onto the edge of it, and then another, trying to pry it open. Claws as sharp as needles extended from its furry hands. The crackling of electrical discharge and an ear-piercing tear akin to ripping fabric, if the fabric was electrified and shooting off like a tesla coil, filled the room, muffling out the screams and shouts of the other students, along with their mocking and teasing.
“Hal!?” called out the merchant from before. Hal gasped, regaining his focus.
“Ahhh…hah…?” He snapped his attention back at the merchant, his fright-struck looks made the man chuckle.
“Everything alright, friend?”
Hal nodded, slowly. “Ah… yes… I just, something reminded me of an unpleasant memory.” His body shivered slightly; his gaze returned to the tent where he had heard the tearing sound. From behind it emerged a young woman. She furrowed her eyebrows, then smiled and bobbed her head at him.
“Ahh, Leri, she was probably cutting some pelts; she’s a crafter.” The old man commented after following Hal’s gaze. “So about what we’d ask of you, in regards to the magical services you offered.” The old man continued. “Simply put, we need your mana, for the ahmm… warding seals.”
Hal blinked. “Oh… n..no spells?” The old man glanced at him suspiciously.
“Nyat at all.”
Hal let out a relaxed sigh. “Oh… yes! Okay, that’s a yes, no problems.” He smiled nervously, his anxiety slowly fading away with the realization that he wouldn’t be messing it up with his unexplainably dangerous magic. “S…sure yes…”
The old man chortled at the suddenly nervous wizard. “Scared of your own magic? That’s good no? If a wizard is not afraid, the wizard is not mighty enough.”
Hal explained his strangely uncontrollable magic to the old merchant in a lengthy evening tale, accompanied by some ale, hot stew, and crackling of the campfire.
The morning after, another member of the merchants brought to him an assortment of necklaces, bracelets, and wooden tablets, that he was requested to refill with mana. He paid little attention to the intent of these magical items, simply upholding his part of the bargain. Hearty meals, some travel supplies, food rations for his trip, and a couple of spare water-skins to last him through the drought-plague valley until he reached the exit of it, and a discount on his trade of herbs for goods that he decided to pick up, for some simple mana-refilling. A deal he would've been a fool to turn down.
His supplies lasted him the rest of the trip through the valley. Though he wasn’t exiting it entirely. The mines he was heading for were on the outskirts of the valley, but at least there was a river running through this part, so the supplies and herbs were easier to come by. He reached the outskirts of the village where the miners lived, and found himself impressed by the quality of life in this little, remote village. The night at the village was quite peaceful, and the lock to seal his magic still proved to be effective. His stay passed without any incidents and at the break of dawn he began his ascent up the trail leading to the snowy peaks. With no concrete map in hands, only rumors and details he obtained through word of mouth, he had no choice but to trust his intuition in the journey ahead. The first day was pretty easy. The slope wasn’t too steep. The night after, however, proved to be more challenging than he had bargained for. While the valley before was at most filled with critters and an occasional coyote, the lush forests leading up the mountain were a lot livelier.
Hal was ill-prepared for the dangers that lurked in these forests, and that is something he realized when he was startled awake from his peaceful slumber by a growl - mere meters from his tent. His heart clenched and his stomach turned into a knot. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead while his body instinctively reached for the lock with magical symbols engraved on it. He clenched the lock in his fist. His mind raced in an endless debate between unlocking it, releasing his barely controllable magic, and risking his life. Perhaps the creature would pass by on its own. Perhaps it’s already closing in to pounce. A bear? Or another predator? He wasn’t sure. Though Hal was used to traveling and camping around, he never quite starved so far from civilization or established routes. He closed his eyes, clenching the lock in his hand.
“There are several ways to handle yourself when faced with an attack from an inhuman. Creatures, animals, monsters, etcetera, are easier to control, but one must carefully and precisely assess the being they’re up against before deciding on the best approach to handle it. For instance, a hungry beast in the wild would be easiest to charm, and then feed, but a demonic creature is likely best to be banished.” The professor explained to the class in a lecture.
“So as a pop-quiz, today we’ll have you face your fears.” The professor exclaimed with an excited smile. Her gaze darted to Hal. “Ahem… Hal, darling… considering your erhm… recent accidents, perhaps, would you prefer to sit this one out?”
Hal clenched his fist and gritted his teeth, giving a weak and sad nod to the professor. And so, he watched his classmates one by one cast various spells at various creatures as the phantomic assumed shapes of creatures that his classmates feared. He heard a rustle, and then a tear, as the claws of a mountain lion tore through the thin fabric of his camp.
A soft click of metal was barely audible, and then he reopened his eyes. His pupils emitted a golden glow.
“BEGONE” He shouted, his voice filled with fright and resolve, as the memory ended on a simple vision of his classmate banishing an imp-like creature with a spell. A thunderclap echoed through the night forest. All the forest dwellers, from owls to critters, turned to silence. Hal swallowed audibly, blinking in disbelief. Harsh coldness pinched his cheeks. His feet sunk into a soft but cold whiteness. His gaze wandered the moonlit snowy peak atop of which he found himself now. His body shivered from the sudden cold.
“No…” He gasped. Disbelief was quickly replaced by concern as he realized that he was suddenly exposed to the freezing temperatures, realizing that instead of banishing the predator that leaped at him, his magic transported him to an unknown location. His gaze wandered the frosted landscape in search of shelter. The night was cold and young, and he wouldn’t last long in his thin clothes which he was sleeping in moments prior. No camp. No supplies. Nought that could help him now. Panic began to settle in, but before it had a chance to root itself in his mind and cloud his judgment, a soft, gentle voice whispered from behind in a playful tone.
“My. I’ve never seen a meal present itself to me so… boldly before.”
Hal turned on his heel in an instant and faced the source of the gentle voice. His eyes fixated on a pair of piercing ruby-eyes that shone in the darkness like beacons of hope, or despair, he wasn’t quite sure yet. Her hair was dark as the night itself, highlighted in blood-red. Illuminated by the moon’s light, her pale skin almost resembled the snow that surrounded them. His jaw dropped, and he was left speechless by the beautiful woman before him, that stood barefoot in snow, seemingly oblivious to the harsh coldness. Her thin blouse and hair fluttered in the wind. He stared at her, and the only sound that he managed to produce was
‘ah…’
She grinned. Her pearly-white teeth shone in the moonlight. Her fangs glistened, as did her eyes.
“My, left you speechless did I?” She traced his shivering neck with her nail, all the way up to his chin. “Mmhh… scared humans aren’t yummy…” She pouted. “Stop trembling so much, I can hear your teeth clacking.”
He nodded, still trembling, less so from fear and more so from slowly freezing to death.
“C….c…co…cold…” He managed to utter at last.
She blinked a few times. “Oh, right… I forgot that your kind feels cold…” She grasped him by the throat. “Come with me then!” And chanted something in the ancient tongue that Hal had only briefly studied at the academy, and suddenly he was dizzy.
The world all around spun and spiraled out of existence, just to spiral back in a moment later. His knees buckled, and the girl had no desire to hold him up. She loosened her grasp and Hal fell to the wooden floor. It took a few long moments before the dizziness passed, and he managed to bring himself up from the ground. Warmth tickled his cold cheeks, and a comforting crackle of the fire soothed his mind.
“Wh…where am I…” He struggled, pulling himself up to a sitting position.
“Obviously, my place… Though I don’t usually bring my happy-meals home… But you seemed so cold… and, well, frozen meals aren’t happy…” She glanced over her shoulder, pouting like a little child. Her cheeks puffed up and her eyes looked sad, so sad in fact that Hal suddenly felt bad for being a bad meal, and that’s a strange feeling to have.
“I… I’m sorry…”
“You had better be!” She turned her head swiftly like a child who was denied a treat. “Tell me, meal… are you dumb?”
Hal shrugged. “No, I’m uhh…” he proceeded to explain the events of how he ended up basically a layer from being butt-naked up in the frosty peaks of the mountains, freezing to death. His host had a hearty laugh over it for what seemed to have lasted several minutes.
“You… really are something…. but, you tell good stories. Go on go on. Entertain me.”
Hal glanced around. “May I … have some water?” She suddenly disappeared, appearing right behind him. Her nails dug into the soft skin of his neck, her warm breath tickled his ear.
“I sssaid… actually, would be rude of me to deny you. Wait a minute.” She suddenly released him and ran out barefooted into the snow. Coming back with a cauldron full of snow, tossing it over the campfire to melt it and boil the water.
“Herbal tea?”
Confused, Hal merely nodded, and while waiting for the water to boil, he proceeded with his tale.
“Ah, you are there, here.” Replied his hostess.
“Wha…. where?” Hal asked out of confusion, watching her pour him a cup of steaming water and toss some herbs into it.
“There-there, where you desired. Your magic sent you straight there, well, here, to me.” She grinned excitedly. Her fangs caught the flickering light of the fire and glistened ever so invitingly. Her piercing ruby eyes made Hal weak in the legs. He snapped back to reality, realizing what she had just said.
“HUH???”
She smirked, taking a sip of her drink. “I am the one the village folks refer to as the ‘sage’.” She explained. “Hardly a sage… I hunt tourists andddd, i’m just old so I’ve seen a lot.” She shrugged playfully. “And you’re a tourist by the way.” A warm and inviting smile spread across her lips. Hal somehow felt compelled by his new title.
“Suppose I am. But uhm… about my issue…?”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re suchhhh a party pooper. Sheesh.. yes right… Wizard with out-of-control wizardry. Happens occasionally, likeeee… once a generation I reckon.” She proceeded to ponder.
“H…how old are you exactly?” Hal inquired curiously after her commentary.
“Rude to ask a girl her age, foolish meal… I ought to teach you manners.” She suddenly whispered into his ear, standing menacingly behind him.
He shuddered. “S…sorry… carry on.”
She tip-toed around him playfully but rhythmically, as if dancing to a song that only she could hear. He watched her curiously, his gaze drawn to her fluid movements. He was curious about what she was thinking about, what song she was playing in her mind, but before he could build up the courage to ask, she abruptly stopped and stared out the window.
“Tsk… Right, so… Magic control.”
He nodded enthusiastically.
“There are… three, no, four ways to address your issue.” She began, walking up to the window and leaning against the windowsill. “First option, I could turn you into a bloodsucker like myself. Then within a few hundred years you’ll eventually learn to control it. Immortality grants you plenty of time to practice.”
He nodded, “Ahm… a fair point I guess, but, w…what other options are there?”
She pondered. “Could have you go to the Grand Library they uhm, specialize in weird-zardy.”
Hal furrowed his eyebrows. “Weird..?”
She nodded “Oh yes, weirdos all around, and very yummy… But I hate feasting on their kind. They’re full of mana but so obnoxiously annoying…. Ahem, anyways - alternatively… we could curse you to weaken your magic potential. Your magic talent far surpasses what your knowledge of it permits you to do. You have the potential to break the worlds and realms, or to fix them.” She grinned playfully. “How fun! Yummy fun.”
He carefully considered what she said. “Are there… more options?”
She turned around and shrugged. “Sureee… yes… expect me to give you a whole book of options why don’t you? Didn’t even feed me and so needy… Sheesh…. Yes there is, boooring though! I could just create a partial seal that allows you to focus your potential and mana better. Simple, ancient, and effective. They did that a few thousand years ago when we were far too mighty for this world.”
“We…?” He asked cautiously but she responded with a cough and then suddenly she stood before him. Her index finger was under his chin. Her gaze full of hunger.
“And now you choose, and thennnnn…. You feed me.” She smiled excitedly. “Go on magic man, tell me your preference…”
He found his thoughts getting lost in her ruby colored eyes once more.
“Could I… Ask you to…. Teach me instead?” He asked. His gaze full of hope.
She gazed into his pleading puppy eyes and then pouted. “NOT FAIR! Stop giving me the cute gaze…” She continued to hold his chin in her grasp, then released him and turned on her heel.
“FINE! Under three conditions. One: You allow me to feed on you on a whim. Two: You guide tourists to me… don’t worry, I never kill, just a few nibbles, they won’t even remember it. And three: you will obey me for a hundred years.” Her smirk turned evil, menacing even.
Hal swallowed audibly, but her allure was irresistible to him. He nodded in response, without taking a moment to reconsider his decision.
“I… accept.”
In an instant, his world was swallowed by darkness. A sharp pain jolted through his body as he felt two fangs pierce the skin of his neck. He gritted his teeth trying to resist the pain and urge to scream, as darkness consumed him, and numbness took over. And with that, Hal became an apprentice of the ‘sage’.