When the internet was younger, there were many chats on many sites where we could enter a room and chat with aleatory people. And the more you visited the same rooms the more you would meet the same people and talk with the same people, which allowed us to have a kind of virtual friends, who we shared things about, even without ever knowing their real names, contact and address. It was like an online version of a bohemian bacafé, where you go because you know you will always meet the same people you have been talking to for long, but without ever having their telefone, address or full name.
Internet was about true talk and relations between people, with the option to talk in private as well. Even when new in one chat, we always ended up have a nice individual conversation with somebody talking about each other. Forums were similar and social media as well, it was about connecting, talking and sharing about you among friends.
Twitter keep a little bit of that but in General, because of algorithms for advertisers and people dedicated to content creation for strangers in exchange of virtual popularity and attention, the internet has been less about actual contact among people and more about creation and interaction with contents.
Of course that there were also space for content creation in the internet before. They were thematic forums, blongs and vlogs.
With mobile phones people are using the internet less for real people interaction and more for aleatory content distraction while they ate commuting, writing for something or bored at home.
Here on Reddit, we may sometimes talk about us to strangers and they may follow your account, but opening the app doesn't mean, and is not about, meeting people we have talked before who we felt we had some affinity with. It is about reading aleatory content and answering aleatory people's content. And reddit structure is not for long conversations. It is like the old McDonalds chairs and table; made for people to consume faster and move on quickly (in the case of reddit, move on to the next topic and the next sub). So instead of conversation people discuss and make speeches.
The more people get used to the content interaction, speech and discussion, the more it seems to influence people to argue about their different opinions on content differences, and the less people have real individual conversations where they could find affinities with each other.
But the internet became a lucrative space for advertising. The more we keep talking with each other about our adinities and in the same page for a dozen minutes or hours, the less we scroll for quick content, and so the less we see advertisements.
It means that the internet has become an unfriendly and isolating place and young people are spending less time in social media and more time in private group chats, with people they share affinities with and can have long talks about each other in a more comfortable way.

In a world where the stormy summer nights never end. The clouds form funnels that form wind velocities more moving than a love ballad. If you know me I have a strong will like an ox, if you ask me to move when you do, you’ll find it’s like meeting a dead end. It’s stronger than my pride, even though my pride can be intestines rolled up inside, if you unwind from the core it will travel around the world five fold. It’s stronger than my pride, as I grow leviathan, the strength of my faith is like a building muscle in the supernatural whilst I stop and have an starring eye competition with the face of adversity. The whirlwinds begin to discontinue enraged noticeably and I start feeling like I’m ablaze unmoved and unharmed, but I can smell myself a little now, as I can say to the winds now that; Yeah; I’m a spirit and I faced the storm, but it finally subsided! You left me alone too long to die. You left me behind, because I seem lowly and incapable to a crimson tide. Yeah, I feel like it will never get old to you. Yeah, it hurts more than you know. Yeah, at times I find it excruciatingly hard to mend my broken heart and mind, to not bleed through the thread of people I know, and then hold on. Yeah, it’s hard for me not wanting to be like you and blend in with the rest, and blame the Devil later, when it’s not even there anymore beside me, the word of god; the word of man; the worst, yeah, you can make out of it what you want, but oh, why should I be discouraged about living with my mysterious mind that often seems to wonder off to a daydream that I have to shake myself out from the reigning powers of over my mind and vision? Yeah, we all know imperfections rise and fall with each hour approaching our footsteps. Yeah, I probably laugh out loud when I should not, but everyone including the powers that be knows my full burning testimony and for what ever reasons are it doesn’t seem to strike you it’s my right; responsibility for me to take care of my wellbeing, because I understand that; yeah; if you were the one and the only one of the receiving end of everything messed up, you would want to laugh out at the worlds small setbacks. Yeah, I said what I said and I am; having being a defeated battle much too long, but I am not worried about your fetishized personality for the fine things you think you always need to have over your neighbors. Yeah, I think father’s are the worst thing, pinning someone else against their own because of agitation that they can’t coexist with the power supervising the child with their own but nobody to relate to; play with; rely on, is it over? This bitter judgement, yeah I know that one day you will see the truth and the eye blinding light. I don’t have to settle down for anything harsh like this beautiful suicide you want me to focus on, you will focus on, be my guest. I’m not settling for the cult of trying so hard to mold the perfect child, you punish me even when there’s no need, yeah, I have had to battle many giants in my lifetime after you, yeah I’m fine it’s not my fault for not calling someone to take me away from the wrath of your heart because you know nothing about bringing a life into delivery you just want us to die. Yeah, I’m trying to say something. You don’t understand, or know how difficult it is for a young black Pegasus to grow into something stronger and resilient or responsible as a millennial in racist country. I’m so sure that I’m done with you. Yeah, because even though it is all I give up on you, because you don’t believe in heaven anymore, yeah , I know that sometimes the darkness comes up so vastly it’s dominating the light of hope. And the last word of hope and faithfulness becomes a blur in the backseat of my memory; it’s faint; on the tip of my head, but I feel like I’m a freshman and new to this law, I barely can feel myself breathing out the fear, breaking our sole tithes apart won’t be easy, yeah, well I know that now. Yeah, I know about extreme fearfulness of the ghost of you pulling me into a familiar place inward in which is unsafe I don’t want to be, I know enough to cut you off. The ranting; scolding; screaming, condemning me for trying to unlock the door to the dread that I am surrounded with water overflowing me, but it seems helpless I feel comfortable with complacency in sinking into liquid flames, my dreadful world you’d rather not live on, but that of I am in chains and chaos doesn’t seem to trigger anything to your consciousness, yeah. I know you want me dead but defeated too. If I am conquered, then it’s not worth raising me up, for a life of punishment all over again, yeah, I know you want to be my god of again, my god in which I can’t escape from the silence of the night. Damn the silence. Damn the darkness. Damn the day, when angels turn against me, because you’re a hazard to yourself and everyone around you touch with your hands or your black soul. Yeah, I have heard that the wages of sin are death, but what about for a divided world? I can’t serve one mad man and please the other for being the only one that has to behave and believe what keeps opposing me through this odd leadership you never see. I have to admit I have already died from the wool but for you it’s not enough, yeah I know can withstand hell and high water, but it doesn’t mean I want to, you will remember me when I’m gone. Yeah, I’m a living testimony; a living sacrifice to what beautiful becomes when devalued and unappreciated unapologetically too long, yeah, yet I know that I am not worthy to blame. I’m not selfish for only my health, but I need time away to make some sense of things, yeah I’m just saying you love to throw things out at me and make believe that I’m a narcissist, yet you don’t even begin to know what it means, you don’t understand what is written down in red, and you misinterpret something’s so simple you just don’t like to face it when it comes out. Yeah, I get it, you just can’t live without playing mind games, but that’s just how you are, even though nothing else is ever about you. Yeah yeah yeah, I already got off your number, you just didn’t seem to come across as rude and abussive. Yeah, we live, and we learn from long suffering and hardships that never untangle from our internal organs. Yeah, after all the pain and strife these wounds enlarge, to make me feel humble and simplified. Whilst I’m living on within it doesn’t mean you’re justified; yeah; I’m willing to forgive myself for allowing this stranger to patrol my doorway, to find I’ve been robbed of life within loving arms and hands that give the way to freedom. Yeah, it’s crazy cool, but it’s your mentality that keeps you a prisoner. It’s just I’m all in to be the poltergeist, yeah, let me in to introduce you to a world of no light, as the darkness fills your eyes, so does your soul, and your mind is open to the darkness that makes madness a familiar place. I want you to know how it feels to be driven by an endless darkness, and unknown force, enticing, divine is it’s stronghold upon the world underneath beyond a human comprehension too dark for my own words, yeah, too good to be. Yeah, I think it’s time for a change in your heart, but I am lousy and unforgiving; I won’t let go, I am an evil angel, it seems, with unfinished business, but you’re the job that makes days prolonged for hues of despair that wrought with the Devil inside the wicked truth as closed eyes are opened to see I’m grateful for you teaching my only weakness is bad choices, that drift me into the hands of bad company that leads to horrible consequences that backfire upon me and transgress the spirit that I rise to see. Yeah, I go to sleep with a broken heart, I wake up to myself in the past trauma of all the awful and awkward things you’ve allowed me to endure, then I romance in leaving you behind, for me the same as you did with all those you gave life unto; the hatred you prophesied life unto over my soul has dethroned the condition and, conscience to love, I fear that I will be denied for forgetting to love your ways, I am likely never to remittance that life without parole, you never know when the road will change it’s mind that will lead me into the pathway straight from me to another stranger that cares any less of me, yeah, for some odd reason they too feel it’s their divine right to conquer me, as I am the enemy within, but without purpose I do this towards myself as I pull myself apart, trying not to give you a yeah, when you make a purposal to take away my freedom. Why I can’t ignore myself at the stoplight, and have a sudden attack of self consciousness within is none of my business but yeah to the nature to, praise and worship the reigning pain; it’s all the hierarchy that I have to make me stronger. Reflecting over time I find how much more I have grown, but I walk with a greater vengeance, through this new order of world salvation I am shining through the darkness and creating within me a clean heart that’s purifying me, giving it all that I have, with every fiber of my being, until the next dawn of raindrops I wash myself Snow White clean of you , cleansing my soul with the highest possible light, a glorious day from the start until the end, you ask me will I pick up my cross and follow you? Yeah yeah yeah; you know everything inside of me says yeah, I’ll follow you; follow you. Giving up my will to bare these scars, yeah I’m giving up on pitty; petty; yeah I know you would like to hold me captive, but I don’t necessarily have the strength to give you the power that is within. Yeah; it’s been a long time coming but you need to hear it from me. Because everything you stole the redeemer is giving it back to me. Yeah. Yeah, I am a driven obsessive poltergeist with no endgame I am thankful to be bound to the soil underneath my ghostly body, turning up the fire, I want total possessive control order over all you are, to drive you up the walls until you become drained of energy and the will to resist the darkness which lye beside you in the night. Don’t fight it, open up your heart and unlock the hate to throw your world into a place that gives us ultimate power over our lives we didn’t choose, but somehow feel urged to create around. Yeah I look in the mirror and hate you a little more than less, but the new me and the old answer yeah, with feeling brings me to find myself in the darkness along the night. Yeah, I look back afterwards everything else I have triumphs over, and think to myself. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, I don’t have any regrets weighing down my mind for living my own life, yeah, you can choose your own way out, but this is mine. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! My desolation; your loss. Your success; my storm. My anxiety; your pleasure, whatever happens if I rewrite this equation to fix you, because of a lesson of learned behavior I have learned not to be afraid to sentence you the same as with great woe, and sorrow, if the sparrows don’t give away you the secret , then I am not real. Yeah I have successfully outlived a fairytale, but it was all in vain. I’m not supposed to have acceptance from everyone, so yeah, I don’t have to be like you to know I’m a whole different function of fun. Yeah I’m in constant use to spread my wings and fly over the ground. Yeah, I strongly believe that is the way it should be for me you see. Yeah, you love to put me down out of pure pleasure, but I’m more than just potential, so yeah, get it all out of your system ; look at me, and scream out loud you’re better! Yeah I’m confident that isn’t my insecurities pointing at me. Yeah yeah yeah.
Authorship by Dr. Dashaun Snipes ©Dr. Dashaun Snipes ® Yeah

After a couple of hours of non-stop work, R’aart still puzzled as it cut out yet another section of bulkhead from around the galley. It was supposed to be a technician, repairing and maintaining, not a deconstruction element. It looked over at its fellow Dravitian, Lindr, who was loading cut sections of structural members onto a servoloader, and raised its voice over the sounds of the cutter, “Why are even doing this? Those Terrans have already used all our spare bar stock. This just feels wrong.”
Lindr turns its triangular head to face where R’aart was silhouetted against the sparks and glowing metal from the cutter’s action on the bulkhead. “They need more reinforcing for the cargo bay project. I do not understand how they plan to terraform the vacuum, though.” It paused, “Do you think that those geriatric Terrans have suffered neural damage from the extended time in cold-sleep?”
R’aart finished the last line of the cut and a section of plating with edges glowing orange clanged ti the deck. As it sent the cutter into its cool-down safety setting, it offered, “I suspect that could be the case. The noises that pass for their entertainment…” It shuddered slightly. “However, Engineer Allyson holds them in high esteem. She spoke of them as if they were super-beings.”
Lindr nodded slowly, “Yes. But if they flaunt safety limits at a degree proportionally higher than Engineer Allyson does, relative to how she speaks of them, I fear for our safety.”
R’aart turned on its lower four extremities, fully facing its fellow technician. “As opposed to the Jaxorians that are bound to catch us?”
-=-=-=-=-=-
“The two Jaxorian vessels are will be within weapons range within the hour.” The Dravitian Captain’s words came over the music that still came from the Terran’s console on the bridge.
William sighed. “Crap. Okay, sooner than I wanted, but we can work with that.” He thumbed the control on his console and the sounds of The The’s Infecteddied away as he leaned in toward the microphone on the side of the touchscreen. “Hey guys. We have an hour before they blast us. How close to ready are we?”
AJ’s voice came over the console speaker, “Capacitors are all charged, and we’ve reinforced all the wiring to take the extra amps. These reactors are showing some strain, though, so keep that in mind.”
Tony’s voice sounded sort of hollow with the echos, “These engines will flare, probably for three minutes give or take. Because of the way I had to disable these dampers, once the flare starts there’s no way of stopping it, so make sure we’re aimed at empty space, okay?”
Allyson’s voice came next, “Pete says that he’s almost done with welding the braces. Everything’s wired, and there’s a relay switch set back in engineering.” Her voice paused, then asked, “And, once we get this set, what is it going to do?”
William chuckled, “Allyson, thank Pete and have him explain about Puff, okay? AJ, Tony, great job guys. Harden up anything you can, then see if there’s anything you can rig up that might stop invaders if things go south, okay?”
As the crew’s voices chimed in with their agreement, William cued up Yaz’s Situation and went back to his coding.
The Dravitian navigator looked over at the Terran, “Sir? May I be filled in on your plan?”
William’s fingers continued to work on the virtual keys as he started to speak, “Sorry, I’ve just been focused here. I should have said something before. We’re going to pretend to lose power in one of the fusion reactors, and let the crab-guys catch up. Then, when we get close, we’ll attack the ship that’s going to want to board, and then we’ll peel out, doing some damage to the other ship.” He looks up from the keys and over to the insectoid, “I’ll just need you to maneuver us so that the ass-end of this ship is pointed toward the enemy and the nose is headed toward about 10 million miles of clear space.”
The navigator’s upper set of extremities moved in small circles, a Dravitian gesture indicative of anxiety. “But if they board, we will all end up as feeding matter.”
William grinned a lopsided grin and shook his head, “Oh, I guarantee you that if they actually get on-board, they will heartily regret it, and we won’t go out on a platter.”
-=-=-=-=-=-
“Primary Command Crew to stations!” The sound vibrations rippled through the hydodynamic fluid.
The Jaxorian scuttled sideways out of his bunk and reached up with pincers that had small gems crusting the carapace ridges, and opened the interior hatch, feeling the slightly warmer water swirl into the bunkroom. He swam out and into the corridor, and scuttled toward the Command Center.
As he entered the large cave of the command room, he scuttled around the large black carapace of the Commissar as he moved to the weapons station. Keeping his legs in as close as he could to make himself as small as possible, he settled in and looked at the readouts.
The Coalition vessel they were chasing was rapidly coming into range. The power readings had lowered from earlier in the chase. The Jaxiorian offered, “High One, the prize will be in range for the main cannon in approximately [2 minutes]. Shall I begin charging the coils?”
The Commissar swiveled its eyestalks and took in the enhanced image on the gel projector screen. “It is a cargo vessel, yes?” she asked. Her legs churned under her and she turned her carapace to a more comfortable position on the grippy surface of the commander’s mound.
“Yes, Commissar,” answered the bright green Jaxorian at the intelligence console. “It appears laden with goods, including not only colony gear and edible beings shipped as cargo. They will be easy prey.”
The Commissar flexed her ebony bulk, “We will not fire. We could damage the prize. Ready a boarding party. Plot an intercept solution. Communicate with the escort and have them stand ready, but not to fire until I command it.” She paused, “And communicate with the prize. Alert them that they are to stand down and prepare themselves to submit.”
Activity started around the bridge as these orders were put into motion. On the screen of the weapons station, the tiny shape of the CCV K’gara B’rak slid within the orange delimiter of the targeter’s range.
-=-=-=-=-=-
“Heads up! They’ve taken the bait, and should close to boarding distance in about three minutes. Crew, get to your emergency stations, Tony be ready for my signal, and AJ, spin that reactor back up at the same time. Pete, you and Allyson make sure that the terraformers are set, because they’re going off first.” William’s voice came through all the speakers and communicators throughout the ship. “And if anyone’s been waiting on a last minute question, this is the time.”
William removed his finger from the communication control and waited in the silence. There weren’t any questions, though he didn’t expect any from the guys. And the Dravitians were good at following protocol, so they wouldn’t be panicking, at least outwardly. He waited another few seconds, then cued up the next bit of media, a slow build of steady guitar and base leading into a sudden beat that started the steady, almost ominous, beat of Don Felder’s ”Heavy Metal (Takin' a Ride)”.
The Captain looked over from the navigation console, the chitinous plates of its face pale green at the edges, “The vessel closes toward our side with the main docking area. This is in accordance with your plan, yes?”
William nodded slowly, still watching the readouts and monitors that were displayed on his touchscreen. “Yeah, though I still hate these moments before we find out if everything works out. Oh, I know my guys did everything they could, but you never know what the other guy will do.”
The Captain cocked its head, “So we gave up running so that we could let the Jaxorians catch us, inviting capture rather than running until the very end?”
William chuckled, “Oh, they’d be able to run us down, but the only way to win that game is not to play. So what we needed to do is play with home field advantage and our tricks up our sleeves. It’s a classic FAFO situation.”
The Captain held its gaze steady, “I have no translation for ‘FAFO’, sir.”
William grinned, “Let’s just say that it’s one where someone gets the consequences they deserve for the actions they take.”
The Captain paused and looked back to the navigation console. “About two of your minutes, sir.” He poked at the touchscreen. “Did you realize that you have that noise playing on all of the broadcast communications channels as well?”
-=-=-=-=-=-
The Jaxorian communications manager continued to be perplexed. “Commissar, even once I have filtered the background noise and consulted the translator circuits, I do not understand this message. Perhaps it is in code? Perhaps the background noise is significant to interpreting the meaning?”
The Commissar shifted her bulky carapace, “Overlay the translation with the background noise and put it on speaker.”
”My, oh my, how this lady can fly, once she starts rollin’ beneath you. You know you just can’t lose, the way that she moves, you wait for her to finally release you. It’s not a big surprise to feel your temperature rise; you’ve got a touch of redline fever. ‘Cause there is just one cure that they know for sure; you just become a heavy metal believer.”
The Commissar scoffed. “Nonsense words. Continue the docking approach.”
-=-=-=-=-=-
The song had ended by the time the Jaxorian cruiser had matched speed and heading with the larger form of the old Terran combat freighter and was closing the distance between them, [meter] by [meter]. The cruiser extended a docking corridor to cover the [10 meter] distance that the ships would maintain once locked in place.
The smaller Jaxorian escort ship trailed behind slightly, as the Terran craft seemed to have something wrong with it’s engines and was making a sort of lazy curve that the cruiser was on the inside of to get to the Terran ship’s docking hatch.
Automated docking lights illuminated the main boarding hatch on the Terran craft, as if in invitation, and the corridor adjusted. Just as the seals touched, however, a Terran voice came across the open communication channels, yelling “WOLVERINES!”
The side of the combat freighter glowed orange, then yellow, then white, then boiled away into the pinkish-purple of plasma. As the engines continued their work, the metal burned away and joined the cloud, then arcs of lightning and superheated matter ripped and tore at the skin of the cruiser, boiling it away and adding its mass to the cloud.
The Terran’s voice came over the channels again, calling out, “Turbo boost, KITT! Everybody hang on!” Then came a steady drumbeat.
The ion engines at the aft of the Terran craft glowed blue, and grew brighter and brighter.
Across the channels a piano’s glissando running from high to low preceded its melody, adding to the drums which added a short run to the steady beat that they went back to.
As the flare behind it gave a powerful burst, like that of a nova, the hulking cargo ship lurched forward. The front quarter of the escort ship behind it shattered and peeled, as the freighter pushed ahead. As the freighter accelerated, the following blue-white flare from the four engines tore at the cruiser as it passed.
Again across the all the communication bands driving bass and guitar joined a female Terran who sang out, “Lying in your bed on a Saturday night; you're sweatin' buckets and it's not even hot. But your brain has got the message, and it's sending it out, to every nerve and every muscle you've got.”
The force of the flare cut straight to the central core of the cruiser, seeming to ‘unzip’ the ship, folding the two halves back from the longitudinal wound that the terraforming engines had formed. While the metal skin, structure, bulkheads, and decks peeled back, sections fractured and came away in shards, releasing the hydrodynamic liquid flowed out and boiled.
Explosions wracked the surviving portions of both Jaxorian vessels while the cargo freighter continued to accelerate, leaving the destruction farther and farther behind it.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Inside the CCV K’gara B’rak, crewmembers fought against the constant shuddering acceleration to move to where makeshift power cords had overheated and caused fires, or where the sudden thrust from the initial engine flares had caused bulkhead ruptures; where some slight flaw in the materials had given way as the ship had been taken far beyond the tolerances it had been built for.
While the Dravitian crew were frantically working in the corridors, the Terrans in the engineering bay were trying to take care of their pieces, but with grins.
Tony had a cut on his forehead from an unsecured tool from the workbench that had come straight back to the engine gantry where he’d braced himself. The force of the thrust had essentially changed ‘down’ by ninety degrees, putting him at the ‘bottom’ of the huge room. As he clambered from engine to engine, making manual adjustments, he had to keep wiping at it to keep the blood out of his eyes, and he was singing along with the music on the speakers.
”You've got so many dreams, that you don't know where to put 'em, so you'd better turn a few of 'em loose. Your body's got a feeling that it's starting to rust; you'd better rev it up and put it to use.”
AJ had tied himself to a rail by the control panels for the reactors, and was hanging near an open access panel with a heavy pair of gloves, holding something in place. His face was sporadically lit by electrical arcing from within the guts of the output transformers.
”And I don't know how I ever thought that I could make it all alone. When you only make it better, then it better be tonight. I'll be there for you tonight.”
Pete was climbing his way to one of the structural beams holding an engine in place. A crack had started halfway along it and wearing one of the cuttewelder backpack units that he never knew he needed so badly before, he was pulling himself along it to try to tack it back together.
”And if you don't have anywhere to go, you go down on the pedal and you're ready to roll. And your speed. Is all you'll ever need. All you'll ever need to know.”
Tony and Pete paused and belted out with the singer on the speakers, “Darlin’, darlin’! You and me we're goin' nowhere slowly. And we've gotta get away from the past. There's nothin' wrong with goin' nowhere, baby, but we should be goin' nowhere fast! It’s so much better goin’ nowhere fast.”
Allyson marveled as she worked on the main engineering controls, trying to direct the damage control teams that R’aart and Lindr led to the worst problems, and manage routing power through undamaged circuits to where it needed to go. She had to admit that the music fit the juddering speed in a way, but it was almost like these older men had simply come alive during this crisis, almost sustained by the continual playlist. It was probably the just the cold-sleep drugs wearing off, she told herself, but still…
-=-=-=-=-=-
On the bridge, William was using his console to try and help out the Captain, whose console with the Efficiency Interface was nearly useless in this situation. In the military code, there remained the ability to adjust how much power went to which engine within a few percentages of the synchronized setting. William had four different windows with their own sliders and readouts, one for each engine, and as Tony made a mechanical adjustment or some engine gave more or less thrust than the others, he tried to control it. The shuddering of the entire ship didn’t make this an easy job.
The music still came from his console as he worked, the singer’s voice continuing, ”Stalkin' in the shadows by the light of the moon; it's like a prison and the night is a cell. Goin' anywhere has gotta be heaven tonight, 'cause stayin' here has gotta be hell.”
William knew that all it would take was for one engine to get too far out of sync and they could rip the ship apart. The Space Venture crew all knew about that. They’d learned it the hard way. The first set of Troubleshooters bound for Mars, the ones to back up the team of Explorers who had been there for two months, and help them put together the parts for the permanent outpost that had landed a week before the ten Troubleshooters left LEO on the Space Venture.
”Dyin' in the city like a fire on the water. Let's go runnin' on the back of the wind. There's gotta' be some action on the face of the earth, and I've gotta see your face once again.”
The engines had flared that trip, and the smart controls didn’t have the capacity to stabilize them. One of the three engines had ripped off, tearing part of the cargo area open, and sending four of the first-generation cold-sleep capsules adrift. The other six capsules, along with the most of the tools, stayed in the hold while the two remaining engines flared them off into The Dark.
None of Earth’s space agencies of 2026 had ships capable of catching up to them, let alone rescuing them, so they had been written off as heroic figures and relegated to the list that included Soyuz 1, Apollo 1, Challenger, and Columbia. Besides, those people in their fifties chosen for the one-way trip for being the practical engineers with that creative mindset knew that they were expendable. They were never meant to come back to Earth anyway.
”And I don' know where I ever got the bright idea that I was cool; so alone and independent. But I'm depending on you now.”
That trip that should have taken two weeks had turned into almost two hundred years. They were rescued by an asteroid mining facility, but with the limited medical facilities there, only five of the rescued Troubleshooters woke back up. Robert Federman never came out of cold-sleep, his brain functions at such a low level that only medical support was able to keep the body alive.
Without ready transport, they stayed on that mining facility for more than a standard year, chipping in to pay for their keep, even as it stretched the supplies of the small facility’s crew. While the survivors weren’t up on all the technological changes of the past centuries, they learned fast, and before too long, had made improvements to the facility, making life easier and more comfortable there, solidifying their reputation as Troubleshooters.
After that, there were more long, slow trips on cargo ships, again and again in cold-sleep. William wondered if the others felt that sense of dread getting back into the capsules each time. Mark Haynes sure did. He broke down and huddled into a little rocking ball, and refused to leave that space station a couple of trips back. The little furry medics had helped him away, and some Skynet was going to try and help coax him back to reality. Supposedly there would be updates.
But for the last four of the Troubleshooters, they couldn’t stop. Finally they were going to get their chance. This last voyage was supposed to take them to help set up a new colony; not a human colony, but every colony was going to have problems to solve, and that’s why they had all volunteered so long ago. There would be something solid, with real gravity to live on.
A real alien world. But they needed to survive to get there. The ship just needed to hold together. Allyson had said it was overbuilt, but still…
”And you'll always be the only thing that I just can't be without. And I'm out for you tonight. I'm comin' out for you tonight.”
“Sir! I read our acceleration slowing!” The Captain chittered. The carapace plates of the insectoid were all very pale green, and all of its extremities seemed to be trembling.
William nodded slowly and adjusted one of the sliders before he keyed the mic and leaned down toward the pickup. “Looks like the nitrous is about done, guys. Hang on for just a little longer.”
-=-=-=-=-=-
After confirming that they were no longer being chased, the CCV K’gara B’rak slowed as the engines cut out so that they could be returned to normal operating specs. Communications had been established to a nearby Coalition vessel that was on its way to provide aid. Allyson, R'aart, and Lindr were in their exosuits, working to rebuild the structure where the plasma had eaten through the ship's outer skin.
William and Pete were playing gofer and being a second set of hands for Tony and AJ as they worked to try and get the reactors and engines safe enough to make it to a real repair facility.
The Captain walked into the Engineering Bay and it paused as its head swiveled back and forth at the disarray. “How? How did this area get to such a state?”
William chuckled and looked over from where he passed AJ new relays to replace the stressed ones in a fusion reactor. “Captain? I assume that you’ve heard the rumors about the way we humans deal with engineering problems, yes?”
The Captain walked over, his four lower extremities carefully picking a clear path through the parts, tools, and coils of wire. “Well, yes, but… Those are just stories. No-one would really take those risks…”
William chuckled, “Yeah, well, now you know first hand that they aren’t just stories…”
From inside the access panel of the nearby reactor, AJ’s voice echoed, “Word. We can really make a mess when we get going…”
The Captain nodded slowly, “I can certainly attest to that. But I do want to pass on my thanks, on behalf of my crew. I must say that I have never seen such work, and I never really expected to escape from the Jaxorians.”
William nodded. “Sure. Glad we could help. We’re Troubleshooters, after all.”

I realized I really need Explain my answer. It’s the closest thing to a real teacher on the app. Even when I get the answer right I like to confirm why. I hate I’m spending more money but it’s the best choice para mi.

I’ve been at my job a few years now but my mental health has become a real obstacle to my profession. I feel too overwhelmed and trying to hide or disguise my issues only makes it worse because I feel like the company is always watching me for a fuck up.
I’ve told them about my problems but it’s a small company and they really don’t have the manpower of financial freedom to be supportive.
I don’t know what answers I’m looking for here but any advice would help

So this is really in response to a petition for Brazil servers and the long running request for these servers and is mainly informative in terms of reasons why this is an unrealistic request.
The general argument is "why can't you even give the players 1 or 2 servers for better a better connection", or specifically from the recent post here "why not rent out a server in Brazil" to host?
It's Jagex's highest priority to secure the live Runescape game code. Running this on rented hardware on another country would give you a game server in that country; but also put them at the mercy of the reseller who own the hardware.

1. They don't want to work with some random guy who's reselling out of their basement. Things can go wrong, they can be held to ransom, they can have their code stolen and resold/released and boom, your biggest IP is out there.
2. They are at the mercy of the resellers own security measures
3. They are a large corporate company and they do things themselves, no half-measures

The tldr for this point is that there would be dismissals for gross misconduct if someone green-lit something like this.
Now, doing it the correct normal and professional way, Jagex would need to purchase datacentre space in Brazil, along with transport their hardware and also have someone employed in Brazil to maintain this.
In Brazil datacentres i've seen/worked with employ armed guards 24/7 for security.
The players say they would be happy with 1 or 2 servers, is it in the business interests of Jagex to rent out tier 3 datacentre space, employ a person to work there, and purchase hardware to reduce the latency for players of one particular country, for a few servers only, who are already paying their membership? I would argue the answer would be "no". There's nothing from a business incentive to do this, and if Jagex had the statistic of the Brazilian playerbase being massive, they most certainly would have considered it by now but I feel like it's being overestimated. Locations are chosen based on best coverage to the largest portions of the playerbase and cost overheads.
tldr; I used the wording "likely won't happen" as I don't have a crystal ball. My reason is based on cost vs. return and I don't believe there's a good enough business argument for adding servers and many people misunderstand how the real world works when they propose "renting" out a server in a country and think there's a shortcut that they see but Jagex don't.

I’ll be straight forward since I’ve tried so hard to find an answer and no one seems to know.
Laptop, less than 2 years old, recently had a clean up, used to run games like Valorant at 100+ fps now runs them at 10-20 after playing for a bit
Bios updated, drivers updated, not overheating as far as HWinfo says, factory reset, went back to Windows 10, lowered graphics, installed drivers from the web, used throttle stop.
None of it is working, should I just throw this piece of junk out and get a gamer laptop or is there any real answer out there?

Well, I've heard if Cisco Easter Eggs, but this is a weird one.
I work at a local ISP for my region, and we have one of our employees working on getting the hardware ready for infrastructure upgrades. One of the devices he's working on is a Catalyst 3750.
Well, he sent us a copy of the startup config file and most of it is this strange conspiracy story.
Has anyone seen anything like this before?

POST: CPU MIC register Tests : Begin
POST: CPU MIC register Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC Memory Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Memory Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: CPU MIC interface Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: CPU MIC interface Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC RingLoopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC RingLoopback Tests : End, Status Passed
Waiting for Stack Master Election...
POST: PortASIC CAM Subsystem Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC CAM Subsystem Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: No Cable found on stack port 1
POST: No Cable found on stack port 2
POST: PortASIC Stack Port Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Stack Port Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC Port Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Port Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
Election Complete
Switch 1 booting as Master
Waiting for Port download...Complete
This product contains cryptographic features and is subject to United
States and local country laws governing import, export, transfer and
use. Delivery of Cisco cryptographic products does not imply
third-party authority to import, export, distribute or use encryption.
Importers, exporters, distributors and users are responsible for
compliance with U.S. and local country laws. By using this product you
agree to comply with applicable laws and regulations. If you are unable
to comply with U.S. and local laws, return this product immediately.
A summary of U.S. laws governing Cisco cryptographic products may be found at:
http://www.cisco.com/wwl/export/crypto/tool/stqrg.html
If you require further assistance please contact us by sending email to
export@cisco.com.
cisco WS-C3750G-12S (PowerPC405) processor (revision R0) with 131072K bytes of memory.
Processor board ID CAT1125ZKHZ
Last reset from power-on
1 Virtual Ethernet interface
12 Gigabit Ethernet interfaces
The password-recovery mechanism is enabled.
512K bytes of flash-simulated non-volatile configuration memory.
Base ethernet MAC Address : 00:1C:B0:2F:D1:00
Motherboard assembly number : 73-9678-07
Power supply part number : 341-0048-03
Motherboard serial number : CAT11255C25
Power supply serial number : LIT11140GE6
Model revision number : R0
Motherboard revision number : B0
Model number : WS-C3750G-12S-E
System serial number : CAT1125ZKHZ
Top Assembly Part Number : 800-26634-04
Top Assembly Revision Number : A0
Version ID : V06
CLEI Code Number : CNM81W0GRB
Hardware Board Revision Number : 0x06
Switch Ports Model SW Version SW Image
* 1 12 WS-C3750G-12S 12.2(55)SE10 C3750-IPSERVICESK9-M
This message serves as a warning to the US government that they cannot get away ^with having their own citizens
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stalked, kidnapped, tortured, brain damaged and murdered by foreign intelligence ^ agencies .
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Request an investigation by the German government and the Council of Europe!
^
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Location of Turkish President Erdogan's illegal black site for terror suspects i ^n G ermany: 48.345941, 12.137753
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Is the CIA stalking and murdering ISIS terror suspects?
^
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Microwave weapons, group stalking and harassment ("gangstalking"), neurotoxins, ^hitmen, an illegal Turkish black site, Delta Force, and an airport kidnapping: A
true story
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QUOTES
^
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"If you were in the US, the CIA would just shoot you, we are nice so we will ^ commit you to a hospital instead" - Turkish police officer
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"When you get deported to the US, don't piss off the CIA officers like you d ^id with Erdogan (the Turkish president)" - Man at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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"The doctors here are trying to protect us from the psychos up at the top" - ^ Woman a t KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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"You're lucky that the Turks got you first. With the Germans it would have b ^een wors e. The Turks usually don't kill" - Woman at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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NOTES
^
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Anyone with access to Europol or INTERPOL should be able to confirm that the ^ FBI se nt out a request/warning in 2017. You might not be able to view the detai
ls of this request unless you have the right handling code/password
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Nothing shows up for my name when it's searched in Law Enforcement Enterpris ^e Port al (LEEP). This is deliberate as the FBI is hiding my records to cover up
the terrorism investigation and everything else.
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The Federal Criminal Police Office (Bundeskriminalamt) and Bavarian State Po ^lice bo th refuse to start an investigation due to political reasons, despite the
fact that many other people, mostly Turkish citizens, were kidnapped within Ger
many by fake po
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ice and brain damaged at the black site.
^
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I (John Erin Binns / CIA code name RAVEN) have been an ISIS terror suspect since ^ 2017.
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It began when an FBI Confidential Human Source whom I met online (Azaiah Crosswh ^ite / moda) gave my Skype account to his handler. The FBI then sent an administr
ative subpoena to Microsoft and obtained my email address, which I had previousl
y reused on my
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S passport application in 2016. An alert was also sent through the Europol Infor ^mation System to 16 countries in Europe stating that I was a terror suspect.
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On October 11, 2017, Arthur Gong from the US Department of Homeland Security int^errogated me about allegedly travelling to Latakia, Syria while I was waiting to
board a flight from London Heathrow Airport to Chicago Airport. When my plane l
anded in Chicag
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, I was flagged for secondary screening (See Exhibit A) and asked more questions^. My citizen ship was questioned, and the CBP officer got angry after I told him
that not answering his questions doesn't make me inadmissible to the US.
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In early 2018, I left the United States and moved to Turkey. Soon after, strange ^ things s tarted happening to me. Kenneth Currin Schuchman (Nexus Zeta), a dual F
BI/CIA informant who was given a pound of heroin by federal agents to inform on
me, attempted t
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entrap me on child pornography and terrorism charges while I was drunk.
^
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Schuchman tried persuading me into buying Stinger missiles and guns from a Tor w ^ebsite wh ich would be shipped in "xray proof boxes" (those don't even exist) to
my location. When that failed, he tried getting me to open a website which likel
y had exploit c
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de on it (he specifically told me to open it in Chrome) and then told me that he ^ knew of some good "Tor porn sites". When I asked him what type of porn was on t
hese websites, Schuchman replied that they contained child porn.
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Then, Schuchman told me in a call that Dingle/Drake/Logan Shwydiuk was going to ^come to my house and kill me, and asked me what I'd do if he came to my house. I
was drunk at the time, and I told Schuchman that I'd kill Shwydiuk. I suspect t
hat Schuchman w
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s recording this call for the FBI so that they could use it as evidence against ^me in a fabricated terrorism investigation.
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Around this time, I noticed that two Western males wearing white shirts and sung ^lasses wou ld frequently visit an apartment building behind the one I live in.
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Several days after I reported Schuchman to the DEA for selling heroin and right ^after he t ried entrapping me on computer fraud charges, he was indicted in the D
istrict of Alaska.
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That's when the harassment started...
^
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My phone was hacked by Turkish intelligence/MIT using some type of 0-click SMS R ^CE and GPS tracking spyware was planted on it. My phone's GPS feature would turn
on without my consent, and several minutes later, a flash mob of "street thugs"
would be block
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ng the sidewalk and shouting death threats at me. Sometimes, they'd just walk up ^ to me hold ing their cell phone in one hand and screaming death threats at the s
ame time. (Street theateGangstalking)
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I received more death threats than I can count, probably close to 100 from diffe ^rent sta lkers over the course of a few months.
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Now about the Western males: I saw them wearing night vision goggles on several ^occasions, they'd constantly harass me and illegally surveil me on Turkish terri
tory up until I called the police.
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Harassment from CIA contractors:
^
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I woke up and a male was pointing a microwave oven with the door removed at ^my sl eeping body from my neighbor's balcony. I was actually half-awake with my e
yes open and I could see the guy bringing the oven out onto the balcony and plug
ging it into an
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extension cable. Another time, somebody pointed a microwave oven magnetron with ^a metal ho rn at my body to shock me (I saw this as well). The neighbor was on va
cation and the men were not authorized to be in that unit, so they likely broke
in using lockpi
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king equipment.
^
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A red laser pointer was shined into my room using a gun scope from my neighb ^or's first floor unit. I went out onto my balcony and saw a guy doing this. When
the guy saw me, he quickly closed the blinds and started laughing. The unit was
being renovate
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at the time and the men were not authorized to be there.
^
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A microwave weapon was pointed at my head which caused me to black out momen ^taril y and see white flashes of light. The same device would cause me to feel ex
tremely paranoid and make my heart rate speed up. I remember that it had buttons
and a cord. It
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was about the size of a small desktop computer.
^
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Somebody was pointing a laser microphone at my bedroom window from the same ^first f loor unit. I was in a telephone call with someone else, and Azaiah Crossw
hite started repeating parts of this conversation back to me over Snapchat as an
intimidation/g
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slighting tactic. Crosswhite also got private pictures from my bedroom and poste ^d them on h is Snapchat story.
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Window/door slamming: This would happen constantly whenever I was in my bedr ^oom or o ut on my balcony. Sometimes one of the guys would slam a window/door and
microwave me right after it happened.
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Sabotage: The phone lines in my apartment building and the entrance door cab ^le wer e both cut.
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Use of pulsed energy projectile weapons: I saw one of the guys holding a gun ^-shap ed device, when he fired it, a ball of energy came out of the weapon and ma
de the windows in my bedroom shake.
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Information: The microwave weapons that are used by intelligence agencies to ^day co nsist of: a millimeter wave amplifier, a transmitter with extremely low fr
equency amplitude modulation, batteries, and a horn antenna/waveguide. Using dif
ferent modulati
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n frequencies, effects such as tachycardia, panic attacks, epileptic seizures, p ^aranoia, REM sleep can be induced. They are the perfect tool for covert harassme
nt as they leave no trace. See Exhibit B for a picture of a microwave weapon.
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Azaiah Crosswhite would make comments over Discord such as "[the CIA] are going ^to send me a copy of your destruction video", "your name is Cock Sucker", and "y
our code name is RAVEN". He'd also encourage me to murder the people who were ha
rassing me, go
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n a mass shooting spree, or commit suicide.
^
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These are all goals of the government stalking program which I was a victim of, ^according t o an article by Julianne McKinney, who is a former US army intelligen
ce officer and member of the Association of National Security Alumni. See: https
://www.bibliote
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apleyades.net/sociopolitica/esp_sociopol_mindcon28.htm .
^
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I called the police a few days before July 1, 2019. When the officers came, one ^of them s aid that I "talk too much" and that I should "keep [my] mouth shut".
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Then, intense microwave harassment started. I would hear footsteps in the unit a ^bove mine a nd my sleep would be disrupted due to the weapon that Turkish intelli
gence was using on me.
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On July 1, 2019, a man I didn't know started asking me questions such as "If som^ebody was ca ught selling illegal alcohol, what political party would that person
be from?". He also made comments implying that I had been under surveillance by
Turkish intell
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gence for a while, and warned me that the Turkish government had prepared a trap^ for me.
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Several minutes later, an elderly man from my neighborhood named Ozkan came and ^asked me i f I was the "exit/cikis". (exit/cikis is a term for the illegal killin
g of a terrorist by Turkish intelligence). He took me to his apartment and told
me to visit Kon
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k Ferry Station. I went to Bostanli Ferry Station and boarded a ferry to Konak. ^After the ferry started going to Konak, I overheard 3 men in a row near me talki
ng about how they were hired to kill me and that they'd dump my body in the ocea
n because I was
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allegedly an ISIS member.
^
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Once the ferry arrived at Konak, I immediately got a random person to dial 112 a^nd faked hav ing medical problems. An ambulance came to the ferry station, and I
was taken to Alsancak Nevvar Salih Isgoren Hospital. I told the emergency room d
octors that the
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e was nothing wrong with me, they ran my ID card through the emergency room comp ^uter, and my name came up as a wanted terrorist.
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I overheard the doctors talking about the fact that Azaiah Crosswhite's name cam ^e up on t he emergency room computers and that my name was changed to "Cock Sucke
r" in some type of database which they had access to.
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Police lights shined into the emergency room and I heard sirens as around 5 poli ^ce cars came to the hospital along with Turkish intelligence. I was given 2 inje
ctions of haldol, and a guy next to my bed who worked for Turkish intelligence c
alled somebody
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n his cell phone whom he referred to as "Erdogan". Maybe it was the Turkish pres ^ident? I don't know..
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The doctors kept me in the hospital until the next morning and I was then releas ^ed.
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Several days later, I was in Gultepe, Konak, at a relative's house, and people w ^ere firing gunshots into the air while somebody would use a microwave weapon to
make me feel like my head was going to explode. I saw people on a nearby rooftop
, they had guns
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(which they were constantly firing) and camouflage clothing. Whenever I'd get mi^crowaved, my phone would lose cell service and the camera would blur.
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While this was happening, I tried to contact somebody I barely knew who worked a^t the US Dep artment of Justice for help.
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As soon as I had a mental breakdown due to the constant gunfire and microwaving, ^ the gunfir e and microwave attacks immediately stopped. Two street thugs then at
tacked me (I believe that Turkish intelligence paid them money to do this) and p
revented me fro
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going home in a taxi.
^
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I called the police and they came rather quickly. When one of the police officer ^s looked up the information on my ID card through a mobile app on his phone, he
saw something in the police database. I was told by a Turkish police officer: "I
f you were in t
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e US, the CIA would just shoot you, we are nice so we will take you to a hospita ^l instea d". Fortunately, there were no beds available at the local hospital so I
was allowed to go home in a taxi.
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After I went home, the microwave harassment continued, and I went to Cesme a few ^ days later . The harassment continued there as well.
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I decided that I had to leave the country as the Turkish secret services were ag ^gressive ly pursuing me. On July 6, 2019, I boarded flight PC1019 from Sabiha Gok
cen Airport to Munich Airport. About 30 minutes after my flight took off, I noti
ced that the ma
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e and female in the row behind my seat were talking about me. The female was say ^ing that i t was sad that they had to kill me with a poison needle and that my re
al name wasn't given to them by MIT for security reasons. I immediately notified
a cabin crew m
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mber of their plot, and I was taken to another seat.
^
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The cabin crew member assured me that the German police had been notified, but o ^nce the pla ne landed, she grabbed me by my arm and told me to listen to my mothe
r while warning me not to contact the German police. I believe that she was affi
liated with MIT
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I gave a member of the Bundespolizei (immigration police) a piece of paper expla ^ining tha t I was being harassed with a microwave gun by Turkish intelligence, bu
t I was not given the opportunity to tell the Bundespolizei my full story. A fak
e Bavarian Stat
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Police officer then came and took me past immigration to the police station. I ^was pu t in a cell, and I noticed that all of the "officers" were speaking Turkis
h, ALL of them. I strongly suspect that an insider within the police force let T
urkish intellig
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nce into the station. I don't know if that insider is the commissar or someone e ^lse.
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One of them was calling me stupid in Turkish, and they were all discussing what ^they should do with me. "Ausganging"/killing me was discussed as an option, but
the fake police eventually decided to send me to a mental hospital. I was given
some forms to s
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gn, and I had no idea where I was being taken at the time. I signed the paperwor^k as I didn' t want to get ausganged/killed. I then heard the fake police discuss
ing in Turkish that I was lucky to be going to a mental hospital, as they usuall
y kill ISIS sus
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ects.
^
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A few minutes after I boarded the ambulance, I realized that something was wrong ^. A male and female who were in the ambulance with me started talking about my a
lleged cybercrimes and about somebody named Rosenberg who "wanted blood". Once t
he ambulance ar
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ived at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2 (48.345941, 12.137753), the same fake police ^officer who took me past immigration told the staff to fry my brain with gas and
that I'd then be transported to Anchorage International Airport.
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Then, four Turkish men came and forcibly put me in the neurotoxic gas room (whic ^h doubles a s a suicide watch room). My shoes were taken off (so that I couldn't
break down the door and escape), and a worker activated a metal fan. A gas which
smelled like f
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rmaldehyde then started to come out of the fan. I saw graffiti on the walls of t ^he gas roo m, all of the names that were carved into the walls were Turkish, and
I realized that I was at some type of illegal Turkish black site on German terri
tory. During th
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s time, Turkish intelligence was livestreaming the gas room camera to a group of ^ CIA i nformants (Azaiah Crosswhite, Jared Fazah, Justin Anglin) as a "destructio
n video". Azaiah Crosswhite had previously stated "[the CIA] are going to send m
e a copy of you
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destruction video".
^
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Jared Fazah had taken a $500,000 Bitcoin bribe to sell me out a few days before ^I was kidnap ped, while Justin Anglin is a CIA agent who has previously been to I
ran and other middle eastern countries. They were all talking about the livestre
am in a Discord
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server, sadly I don't have any screenshots as they were mysteriously deleted fro ^m my com puter (it may have been hacked).
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One hour after I was put in the gas room, a staff member came and turned off the^ fan in my r oom. This is the only reason why I don't suffer from brain damage to
day. I was saved by that staff member.
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About 3 hours after I was put in the gas room, I heard a helicopter hovering abo ^ve the fake mental hospital. This helicopter may have belonged to the US militar
y, but at the time I thought it belonged to the Bundeskriminalamt (Federal Crimi
nal Police Offi
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e) and that they were coming to save me.
^
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I banged on the door of the gas room and screamed for the police to come and sav ^e me, but nobody came.
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In the early morning hours of July 7, 2019, a Turkish doctor came into the room ^with a f lashlight. She commented aloud in Turkish that "[I] was made to rot". Th
en, a female CIA agent came into the room with my mother while I was pretending
to be mentally
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isabled. The doctors brought me chocolate milk and pizza, and the CIA agent star ^ted talkin g about how I'd be indicted by a grand jury in the District of Alaska
and forced into a plea deal for over 10 years in prison. That I'd be found menta
lly incompetent
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and have no choice but to take the plea deal, sending me to prison for a long ti ^me.
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The CIA agent declined to give my mother her real name and talked about previous ^ly living i n Australia. She had an Eastern European accent and told my mother to
throw away any receipts or evidence indicating that she was in the town of Tauf
kirchen, and to
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keep her cell phone turned off.
^
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The lady also told my mother that a US senator (I don't remember the senator's e ^xact name) wanted to meet with her. In 2018, Kenneth Currin Schuchman had told m
e that "a senator can order the killing of a US citizen in some cases" and told
one of my frien
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s that a US senator wanted to kill me. Nobody believed him back then, including ^me. I sti ll don't know who this senator is or why he wants me killed. (Note: Ken
neth Currin Schuchman has been repeatedly thrown in mental hospitals, and his fa
ther Robert Sch
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chman currently has guardianship over him).
^
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The lady left and I slept for a few hours in the neurotoxic gas room/suicide wat ^ch room. Th en after I woke up, a staff member woke up and unlocked the door. I w
as allowed to leave, and that's when the torture started. An African lady was pl
aying back a re
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
ording of me in the gas room on one of the hospital computers and laughing at it^. The same l ady would also play screaming noises and the Turkish word for mental
ly retarded ("gerizekali") over a loudspeaker connected to the computer, and use
a microwave we
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
pon which looked like a stereo speaker to give me epileptic seizures. I do remem ^ber that t he weapon was brought to the hospital in a large briefcase by men work
ing for Turkish intelligence.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I met other people who were being held at the hospital. One lady told me "You're ^ lucky th at the Turks got you first. With the Germans it would have been worse.
The Turks usually don't kill". She also claimed to be a spy.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I borrowed a cell phone from one of the other patients and called the police. On ^ce I told them that I was being held at a fake mental hospital run by the Turkis
h secret services, I was told that I "belonged in [the hospital]" by a German po
lice officer an
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
they never responded to my emergency call.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
SETUP: new interface Vlan1 placed in "shutdown" state
Press RETURN to get started!
*Mar 1 00:01:17.242: %STACKMGR-4-SWITCH_ADDED: Switch 1 has been ADDED to the stack
*Mar 1 00:01:18.752: %LINEPROTO-5-UPDOWN: Line protocol on Interface Vlan1, changed state to down
*Mar 1 00:01:20.102: %SPANTREE-5-EXTENDED_SYSID: Extended SysId enabled for type vlan
*Mar 1 00:01:54.705: %PARSER-4-BADCFG: Unexpected end of configuration file.
*Mar 1 00:01:54.705: %SYS-5-CONFIG_I: Configured from memory by console
*Mar 1 00:01:54.907: %STACKMGR-5-SWITCH_READY: Switch 1 is READY
*Mar 1 00:01
Switch>
Switch>:54.907: %STACKMGR-4-STACK_LINK_CHANGE: Stack Port 1 Switch 1 has changed to state DOW N
*Mar 1 00:01:54.907: %STACKMGR-4-STACK_LINK_CHANGE: Stack Port 2 Switch 1 has changed to sta te DOWN
*Mar 1 00:01:55.183: %STACKMGR-5-MASTER_READY: Master Switch 1 is READY
*Mar 1 00:01:55.477: %SYS-5-RESTART: System restarted --
Cisco IOS Software, C3750 Software (C3750-IPSERVICESK9-M), Version 12.2(55)SE10, RELEASE SOFT WARE (fc2)
Technical Support: http://www.cisco.com/techsupport
Copyright (c) 1986-2015 by Cisco Systems, Inc.
Compiled Wed 11-Feb-15 11:40 by prod_rel_team
*Mar 1 00:01:55.511: %SSH-5-ENABLED: SSH 1.99 has been enabled
*Mar 1 00:01:56.140: %PHY-4-SFP_NOT_SUPPORTED: The SFP in Gi1/0/8 is not supported
*Mar 1 00:01:56.140: %PM-4-ERR_DISABLE: gbic-invalid error detected on Gi1/0/8, putting Gi1/ 0/8 in err-disable state
*Mar 1 00:01:56.173: %GBIC_SECURITY_CRYPT-4-VN_DATA_CRC_ERROR: GBIC in port Gi1/0/12 has bad crc
*Mar 1 00:01:56.173: %PM-4-ERR_DISABLE: gbic-invalid error detected on Gi1/0/12, putting Gi1 /0/12 in err-disable state
*Mar 1 00:01:56.719: %LINK-5-CHANGED: Interface Vlan1, changed state to administratively dow n
Switch>en
Switch#conft
Translating "conft"...domain server (255.255.255.255)
% Unknown command or computer name, or unable to find computer address
Switch#show run
Building configuration...
Current configuration : 988 bytes
!
version 12.2
no service pad
service timestamps debug datetime msec
service timestamps log datetime msec
no service password-encryption
!
hostname Switch
!
boot-start-marker
boot-end-marker
!
!
!
!
no aaa new-model
switch 1 provision ws-c3750g-12s
system mtu routing 1500
vtp domain Null
vtp mode transparent
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
spanning-tree mode pvst
spanning-tree extend system-id
!
vlan internal allocation policy ascending
!
vlan 61
name fttx
!
!
!
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/1
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/2
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/3
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/4
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/5
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/6
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/7
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/8
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/9
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/10
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/11
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/12
!
interface Vlan1
no ip address
shutdown
!
ip classless
ip http server
ip http secure-server
!
!
!
!
!
line con 0
line vty 5 15
!
end

I have been reading the struggles with "Whatever you think" and this made a big mess today! I have sort of been looking for places to see where I could use this and how and today I found one by messing up.
My husband mows the yard pretty often and we have had these crazy rains and he needs to take care of it this weekend. I don't even remember him asking my opinion (he prob did not, but he did ask something about the mowing). Somehow we differ on the height of the mower and the length of the grass (seriously , so dumb). We got a little heated over this because it has been something we have never agreed on. Now as I am telling you gals about it I see how dumb it is to care about this! When he discussed mowing the yard, I should have said "whatever you think." This is 100% a job he does and never really lets anyone else do it because he likes to do it (because you ride a machine and listen to music, I do not see this as work, which is problem as well, I see it as a job in the yard my 6th grader can handle).
I totally understand that men do not want to discuss the minutia and I left the room after he said he was not going to discuss this with me. I was upset because I was sort of cut off and boom end of discussion.
I went to our room and just chilled for a bit and he came in later looking confused. This was the second time I did not feel he heard me when he asked me a direct question.
Today I cannot remember if he asked about mowing or was just making conversation, but earlier this week he did ask me a question and then completely ignored my answer. We have a broken ceiling fan that he is replacing and he asked what I would want it that room and I said canned lighting (to match a room we have already redone, right by that room, we have an old house have slowly redone it over the years). He was like 'no thats way more work than replacing a fan. True. but he knows we don't need a fan in that room and we do need light. So that prob won't get done for some amount of time...
So this decision is something we have discussed many times, and yet he asks? When we have discussed at length that the room needs light. We only have lamps in there because old house.
So I guess these are times I just say "whatever you think". I can see that is going to be a challenge.
The back story that he will never connect is years of resentment have built up inside of me over 'yard work'. He owns a landscaping company! They do more like new backyard install stuff, but he has never planted, mulched or done any yard work except mow on our property since we moved out (we have about an acre). The only other jobs he will do are the emergencies (a limb/tree falls and we have to get that done asap!, but every other yard decision I have made and done 100% alone). My kids will help some, but we are in the stage where kids are driving and working and gone quite a bit. He helped me buy some plants one time when I was getting the yard prepped about 2 years ago. He gets mad if I water too much and complains about that, but all the work that is done requires water to keep alive. I think (for me) partly the yard is a way for us to do something together as a family and if you eat here you shoudl have a job in the yard but he has no interest, just an interest in paying customers yards. I have to be fine with this and plant cactus?
Sorry for all the words. Thankfully we were able to apologize and repair before he went to work.
The last underlying thing is I have had zero self care this week!! We have going non stop for a month and also have had a really hard relationship month and we both ended up having a horrible cold this week and today is the first day we have felt much better. We also had no kids this week at home, all three were at camps and we were sick! We manged to go out Monday but the rest of the week was blah!!
Just being real with all of yall. These things start out silly, but they have a lot of emotions and hopes and dreams tied to them somehow.

Written By: Arthur Black In Co-operation With: E. Hockenberry//Editing By: Mr Z
She stood there on The Observation Deck of The Albatross. Watching The Colorful Fractalizing Void, like moving fractured colored Mirrored Glass panes bending and twisting. Moving and Shifting. Stars, Planets, and Galaxies paint the Tubular canvas.
(You have no real frame of reference to express this idea however in the process of writing we may find that space travel is optimized by a spectrum analytics or analysis of the elemental make-up of space. This is not an unreal picture in fact it makes space much more palatable and much more the way it is portrayed by our satellites and telescopes.)
Starring Into The Void She Reflects on "Echoes of Her Past" and "possibilities of a Life She never knew." She knew a guy back Home (On Earth, Mark, He looked like Alan Ritchson in Her Honest opinion.) She liked The Guy and even Dated Him a couple of times. Only to find He is still alive and is one of The Soldiers On-board this Vessel. She beamed, Just The sight of Him gave Her hope in all this Hell. Biting her lip and smiling like she once did. Maybe He'd be willing to get together and shack up with me?, she thought while staring into The Void,
He Found Her waiting in The Observation Deck Catwalk. She heard some movement and turned excitedly. There They Expressed their Feelings towards one another. Quickly their wants turned into passion and They understood in isolation they could make out on the Catwalk bathed in the kaleidoscoping colors. Her back against The Slanted Alloy Glass letting in The Prismatic Glow of Spacial Fractalization (Spacial Fractalization is Creating a Fractalic Fold in Space by Collapsing a Black Hole and a White Hole Upon each other as a stable wormhole) "After all of this is Over.", she said, Between breaths would you like to Get together? ......He went to Open His Mouth to Answer and was interrupted by: NOW APPROACHING PLANET JUPITER ALL PERSONEL ARE ORDERED TO ACTIVE HIGH GRAVITY SUIT SETTINGS AROUND PLANET JUPITER!
(Author's Notes This is a Story that takes place between a longer story that Me and My Father continually write on Facebook, it's a continuous narrative if anyone has any questions feel free to ask me.)

I had a dream on quite a few months ago. It was Halloween night when i went to bed and i woke up at 5:00am the next morning to my teenagers alarm clock going off. I quickly went and turned it off since kids don't have school the day after halloween and i wanted to "sleep in" as much as i could. Well as soon as i laid back down I heard foot steps in my living room so I thought it might be one of the kids so I got up to tell them to go back to sleep. It wasn't. Instead it was this very very tall man that resembled an entity I call "praying mantis surgeon" I saw once during a DMT ceremony I participated in. I didnt look quite like him but did at the same time. I wasn't scared at all and I asked him if he was an alien and he said "or angel, or spirit guide, or ..." and he went on to say a bunch of other words I couldnt understand. I felt familiarity when talking with him so I asked him if he was going to take me with him and I asked "am i from where you are? i dont belong here. Please take me with you!" and then he said "there is so much work you still have to do" and he started to walk out my front living room door to the entry way. I started crying and following him as he joined some others that had been waiting in the entry way and I was sobbing and yelling "i dont belong here please!" And they kept walking but looking back at me with empathy. And i was ugly crying following them saying the same thing over and over as they walked through the front door down my little walkway and then just kind of faded away. I was crying and got self conscious that my neighbors would have seen all of that as they were getting ready for the day so I went back in and I went to my room again shut the door and was sobbing and feeling abandoned and i kept saying "I don't belong here" and then i heard a voice say "wake up, that was a dream". And i did. But i was still sniffling, tears were pouring out of me and my pillow was soggy like i had been crying for hours. It was so real, like all of that actually happened. There is no way i could have fallen asleep that fast after turning alarm clocks off. I had never heard anything of the sort regarding starseeds, Pleiadians, etc...until a much older friend was telling me about one of the person she reads cards for had a similar phenomenon happen. Now she's convinced I was visited. Some happenings that occurred around that "dream". In early October my cat of several years started growing gnarly aggressive tumors and 3 weeks later she died. Her vet had never seen anything like it. While my kids were out with friends for Halloween I had agreed and took in a kitten. My kids dad dropped her off. The kitten had followed my son from the woods the same week my cat died at a state park he was hiking in with his dad. His dad and I had two kids when we were married but are divorced. He has 2 other younger kids with two other women he had right away after the divorce so he didn't want to take care of the kitten on top of all the other responsibilities. One and half months later my kids dad my ex was arrested on DV charges and I gained full custody of my two kids. The kitten is still a cutie and spends the majority of her time with my son when he is home. Its very strange for me to feel so emotional about this dream. The sadness I felt when they all started to walk away from me is still evoked when i think about it. Like I found "my people" again and then they left me again. Thats not normal for me. I cant help but wonder if they were checking on me and getting me mentally prepared for more work as I now have two teenage kids solo who are hurt, angry, depressed and full of grief that their dad was terrible to another human like he was. I would like to know more about this but I don't know what to look for and this conversation with most my friends is probably too far out there. Is this what a visitation is? Does this strange longing have anything to do with my childhood imaginary "friend"? I always talked about my husband "Habib" when i was aged 3-6. I told both my parents i was married a long time ago and we had 4 kids together. My mom has told me that sometimes I would look so sad and she'd ask why and i told her it was because I missed my husband. And so she just started asking questions about him and I answered, when she asked his name I told her it was "Habib" and described him. I stopped talking about him when i was around age 6. But i dream of him with the same name and description I gave my mom. Like he is a distant memory i cant explain.

In this video, I go over the finer points of job interviews in Swiss German. Whether you're a native speaker or learning the language, my video shows you the entire process of a job interview, complete with real interview scenarios conducted entirely in Swiss German.
Watch de video here: https://youtu.be/jOIvOM72AEw?si=C2srHjNpJSTcCxAo
I hope it's useful! Let me know if you have any questions. I'll be happy to answer them.

I was a damaged person. But I was on the mend.
I had a pretty traumatic break up with my childhood best friend, turned girlfriend. I had known her since we were 8 years old. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend since we were 13 and had been so for 9 years until my junior year of college when she cheated on me in a very cruel way. It came to light that she had cheated on me many times before as well.
I loved her so god damn much! I thought we were one of those stories where two souls were knitted together from eternity to eternity, or some hallmark card bullshit like that.
I was emotionally shattered and it took me a while until one day about 2 years later, I woke up and thought about her, but then realized that I hadn't thought about her at all the previous day. It was glorious and I knew then that I was on the mend. After that, my healing process sort of exponentially snowballed and I was back in the saddle as far as relationships went. I started going on dates and meeting up with women.
I was a software engineer working for a large corporation. Because I was good at my job, and because I didn't have a family, I was given the opportunity to move to Singapore and lead a project there for what would be a couple of years but turned out to be 7 years.
The great thing about Singapore is that they speak the "King's English" when they're not speaking "Singlish" (a patois of mostly English with funky grammar, but with Malay, Chinese, and Hindi thrown in). So I didn't have to learn a whole new language to fit in. I just had to learn how to translate Singlish to English, which wasn't too hard after a couple of months of trying. I even learned the lingo and it would amuse my coworkers a whole lot when I spoke Singlish. They thought it was hilarious.
I was a good looking guy (still am!!) but I really let myself go in my depression. I was a tall, muscular 210 pounds when I broke up with my ex, but I had ballooned up to over 300 pounds. I started a workout regimen and lost it all but the workout regimen became sort of an obsession. It was the one thing that grounded me. After I went to Singapore, one of my business perks was a gym membership at "Fitness First", a local gym franchise. I was down to my previous weight, but I had to practically camp out at the gym because the best thing about Singapore is the FOOD. The food is incredible! However, you WILL pack on the weight if you don't get your ass to the gym.
The meet cute
I was working out one day much later than normal due to some overtime on my project and I saw a girl on a treadmill. The treadmill was the one I usually use because it was in the back and kind of out of the way. The girl was stunning! The thing that stuck out to me was that she was had her hair in a pony tail through a ball cap, which is a look I find very attractive. I was a little nervous because, even though I was fairly confident about the way I look, I was definitely batting out of my league with this girl.
I went to her and chatted her up after she got off of the treadmill. She didn't look me in the eye and didn't really engage. I figured that I had acted like what is now known as a "gym creep" and I figured it was a "swing and a miss!" I apologized and said I wouldn't bother her anymore. I stuck out my hand and said "I'm OP, by the way. What's your name?"
She hesitated and looked at me for a bit and said "Lilly" (not her real name).
I remember this exactly because she later said that it was what intrigued her about me. At the time, she was an actress/model who had done some print/public billboard type ads, product demo booths at expos, and even a bit part in a local tv (Mediacorp) series. She had started to attract public attention because of these (mainly the TV show and the ads that were hanging all around town at that time) not just from men but from women too and it was super uncomfortable for her.
The fact that I had no idea who she was relaxed her and made her think that I was attracted to her for her and not because her face was everywhere at the time. After she told me about it, I did notice her face everywhere. But photoshop was a thing even back then, so I didn't recognize her from her ads and I really don't look at ads, tuning them out. I also didn't watch her TV show because it was in Mandarin Chinese and I don't speak or understand any Chinese, and I wasn't in a position where I was required to attend or arrange trade shows.
In the years prior to meeting me, Lilly had undergone a lot of plastic surgery (breast, eyelid, facial contouring, nose job, lipo, etc). She said it got to where she didn't recognize herself in the mirror and it disturbed and depressed her. She hadn't particularly wanted the surgery but she got the procedures done at the behest of her family who wanted her to bring in more money and the people in charge of her career development (don't know the term). It was all very expensive and she felt like she owed her family and the talent people who managed her.
Later, I found out that she hated the public recognition. Not just from men, but mostly from women who were really catty about her plastic surgery. The people in charge of her were pushing her to start singing but she didn't have a good voice and would need a bunch of training for that. She was depressed due to not recognizing herself in the mirror any more and didn't want to follow the career track that she had been on. They were pushing her to do more figure/body modeling which was why she was in the gym. She was SUPER uncomfortable with that and constantly hungry and pissed off.
She was afraid that she would do some more modeling and then get married off by her parents to some rich mainland Chinese man that she would be ambivalent about (she preferred Caucasian men) and she'd be forced to be a traditional pampered Chinese wife living in Beijing.(Doesn't sound that bad to me. Some of those Chinese businessmen live crazy luxurious lifestyles.
Since I was working a lot of overtime, I kept going to the gym later at night and we saw each other and I would wave and smile and she would smile and wave back. OK I was kinda hoping to meet her regularly. I spotted her on a couple of exercises and we began to chat with each other a bit. A couple of times I had to steady her because she was fainting from being hungry and working out at the same time. I used that as an excuse to take her out to a hawker center, which like a mall food court but with delicious local food (not chain restaurants). We chatted and got along really well. It became a regular thing until I confessed I had a crush on her. We started dating after that until it got to a point where she practically moved into my place.
She, of course, had her share of guys interested in her. She was on livejournal at the time (remember livejournal??) and she was doing that and posting pictures of herself for her career mostly, but I'm sure she did enjoy the attention. She had one guy from Belgium who was really after her. He actually bought her 800 thread count sheets, which is an oddly practical but vaguely inappropriate gift. He actually visited Singapore on business (he was a tech sales guy) and wanted to meet up with her in a public place, a hawker center. I still had trust issues from my previous "love of my life" betraying me. To this day, I cringe at my behavior at the time, but I laid down a clear boundary. She could absolutely go see and hang out with this guy if she wanted to, but if she did, she'd be doing it as a single available girl and we would be through. She said she saw my face "turn to stone" and it was clear that she would lose me if she went to meet up with that guy. That honestly gave her pause about our relationship and she really considered ending it at the time. I didn't know that until much later, though. Certainly, I'm glad that she didn't. She didn't go meet up with the guy. To this day, we call the incident "The Belgian Waffle". OK so I call it that, she thinks it's stupid.
Meeting her family
Eventually, Lilly asked if I could have dinner with her parents, saying that they wanted to meet me. I bought some gifts, basically Japanese cookies in really nice packaging, and then we met. I did the traditional thing and formally introduced myself and asked them about their family and history.
At the time, Lilly got some criticism from her extended family because I am a white guy. There was a certain stigma attached to local girls who liked white guys. They called those girls "SPGs" which stands for "Sarong Party Girls", a derogatory name for the prostitutes who would entertain British expats at after hours parties "back in the day".
Over the next few months, I won over her family mainly by eating their food and being accepting of their culture. I grew up in Texas, so pickled jalapenos were common in my house...like salt and pepper, we put them on everything. Later on, I was the kind of guy who put tabasco or sriracha on everything. So eating their spicy food was no problem for me. I remember us both going shopping at an open air market and seeing an older woman cutting up cili padi. I asked if I could try some. She looked at my pale face and then at Lilly and she said I could. I bit into one and chewed it up as the woman looked at me with an amused look on her face. She was waiting for me to jump up and down with fire shooting out of my mouth, I guess. I disappointed her, but she and Lilly were impressed. She later told her mother and she was impressed too. She wanted me to eat one for her as well. Oh well, trained monkey time I guess.
The real test came when I tried Durian for the first time. This is the same food that "defeated" Andrew Zimmern, the "Bizarre Foods" guy. I actually liked it. I had a D24 durian, which admittedly is like the "beginner version" of durians. There are like 16 different types. When you get past the smell and actually taste it, it doesn't smell that bad any more. It's very sweet and creamy. It's like the taste overwrites your disgust of the smell. I think that's what really impressed them to an extreme degree. They started calling me an "egg", because I was "white on the outside but yellow on the inside."
I would visit her grandmother with her. In true Chinese fashion, Lilly and her brother Johnny were raised by their paternal grandparents while their parents worked full time jobs, so her grandmother was like her mom. She was in an elder care facility at this point, though. She didn't like living there, but it was all they could afford. We would visit her every week and she'd be very happy. She didn't speak any English at all so she and Lilly would just chat speaking Hokkien Chinese while her grandmother would pet my hairy forearms like I was a dog. She was absolutely smitten with my hairy forearms.
Meeting my family
After a little over a year, I took her back to Texas to meet my family. It was quite the culture shock. Lilly was amazed by red barns and hay bales, black and white Holstein cows, things she saw in movies about the USA. She particularly was impressed by the cluster mailboxes lined up on country roads ("So cute, leh!") We actually had to stop the car and take pictures of her standing next to them, smiling goofily for the photo. I made sure to take her to the Texas hill country during spring, when the hills are covered with soft green grass and festooned with bluebonnets, sunflowers, indian paintbrushes, black eyed susans, daisies, etc. I had to practically hold her down to keep her from picking them. It's not illegal or anything, it's just frowned upon and tradition to leave them alone. OK, I let her pick some. Give me a break, I was in love with the girl.
Driving was also something that kind of boggled her mind. Texas is huge, and traveling from my parents' place to visit my brothers and their families was a seemingly endless trek. Driving from Houston to Austin, to Corpus Christi was crazy long, even with the stops to visit my relatives.
Lilly was practically agoraphobic at the big sky in Texas. She was used to being in a forest of tall concrete and steel buildings, with only strips of blue sky available at the top. In Texas that sky went from horizon to horizon. She was also amazed at the uncountable numbers of stars at night away from the city lights. She later told me it was like visiting Narnia or something.
In Texas, she got her share of looks from guys, especially in the bigger cities. I wasn't jealous. I've never been a jealous guy, although my experience with my ex "love of my life" really put my radar up, I still was proud that other guys were attracted to her. My attitude was "go ahead and eat your hearts out, she's with me!"
When she met my oldest brother, it was like a cultural thing with her, so she was very deferential and respectful. I knew that my oldest brother was attracted to her because he was stumbling and stuttering when he was speaking to her, looking at her but kind of avoiding looking at her. I wasn't too concerned because he was a married guy with 2 sons and not a scumbag, but it was still pretty amusing to see "Mr. Smooth-don't-let-em-know-you-want-em-kid" at a loss for words.
My parents met Lilly finally (she was super nervous but she did really well) and later my mom brought me aside and asked me if she should re-set her mother's diamond engagement ring. I thought about it a bit, and then told her "yes". My mom's eyes started sparkling with images of unborn grandchildren and she smiled bigger than I had ever seen her smile (kind of unsettling actually). My dad later brought me aside and basically told me I couldn't do any better and I would be a "god damn fool" if I let her get away from me. I agreed. My dad then told me something that remains with me to this day: "She will make your life sparkle, son." (she has).
Before our time in the US was up my mom gave me the ring and I asked Lilly to be my wife in a field of wildflowers, which had become her favorite place to be in Texas. She said yes. Looking back, that was one of the happiest days of my life. It was up there with losing my virginity to "the love of my life" (who turned out to be a duplicitous crazy person but at the time it was really special), my wedding day to Lilly, and the births of our children.
The Engagement
When we got back to Singapore we had to pretend we weren't engaged because I had to ask her parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. I spoke with them and explained how my prospects in my career were good. I told them that I loved their daughter and that my family also loved their daughter. We had to schedule a phone call between my parents and her parents.
I had clued my parents in as far as the traditions go. In Chinese culture, the groom pays for the wedding rather than the bride. The groom also has to give the bride's parents certain auspicious gifts. My parents luckily had done a tour of China a few years before and knew all of this beforehand, having befriended their local tour guide who was saving up money for his own wedding at the time. On the call, they agreed upon a pinjin, which is basically "betrothal money". We started to plan the Guo Da Li ceremony which would take place in 3 months time, and 3 months before the wedding.
Unfortunately life threw us a curve ball and Lilly's grandmother died. It was bittersweet because, while Lilly missed her, her grandmother had become very old and infirm to the point where her quality of life was pretty low. All wedding stuff was put on hiatus until the funeral was over plus 100 days for mourning.
After that, we were able to do the Guo Da Li ceremony. I gave my future in laws a red packet of money plus special cakes and 12 mandarin oranges and gold jewelry. It all went very well.
Wedding planning started in earnest. I got some money from my dad (who insisted) but the lion's share was out of my pocket. During this process I was able to meet some incredible people. The stand outs were Richard and Jimmy. Rich and Jimmy were tailors and dressmakers. They were a couple and they gave my fiancée a really good deal on a wedding dress and cocktail dress if she agreed to do some print modeling for their business. They also made me a tuxedo and a suit. I offered to model for them as well and we all had a good laugh at that prospect (OK they were doing most of the laughing - ego still hurts from that one, guys).
The venue we were using was Chijmes. It's the same one used in the move "Crazy Rich Asians". It was back when they had first started offering it up as a venue so it wasn't crazy expensive at the time. Plus, it was a smaller venue for weddings. Usually weddings are held in large hotel ballrooms and are huge affairs (this is what I was told). The families both invite everyone they've ever met to come: Neighbors, business contacts, everyone. They all bring red packets filled with cash. We opted for the "small" wedding.
The Bachelor Party
We had planned bachelobachelorette parties on the same night (separate venues). Lilly's MOH threw hers while Rich and Jimmy threw mine. My best man was my dad (because he's the best man that I know) and so cigars and brandy would have been disappointing to my work friends and my future brother in law and cousins. I don't think anyone was prepared for what happened.
We had the party at the sushi restaurant of a friend of Rich and Jimmy's. It was after hours. We had some incredible sashimi and rolls. I even tried fish sperm. Didn't like it. I asked Jimmy are you sure it's FISH, sperm?? He said of course he'd never do that to me. To be fair, it did taste and smell very fishy. I don't know how human sperm tastes like (or maybe I do now, I don't know).
After the sushi was done, it was time for the entertainment, and oh boy. Rich and Jimmy hired a trans entertainer who sang show tunes. The thing is, she had an incredible voice. She was obviously biologically male, but she really carried herself with a lot more femininity than I've seen from biological women. She sang and told jokes and roasted me pretty thoroughly. My dad was there and he thought it was funny as hell. My friends from work, especially the Aussies and Brits, thought it was great, my future BIL and most of my future cousins did too. Other cousins politely excused themselves and left. I think the free flowing booze and beer kept most people there, though.
After her thoroughly entertaining performance, it was time for the dancers. This is kind of where it went off the rails. Rich and Jimmy hired exotic dancers...but they were all male or trans. Now, to be fair, it wasn't like they didn't tell me about it beforehand. They did. Personally, I thought it would be hilarious to announce that the strippers were here and then have male dancers come out. I have a twisted sense of humor, I suppose. I certainly wasn't going to cheat on the most beautiful woman in the world mere weeks before our wedding, so prostitutes and female dancers were completely out of the question for me. They jokingly suggested male dancers it and we laughed. I thought about it a bit and I guess I'm "take-the-joke-too-far" guy so I encouraged it. Lilly knew about it and thought it was funny as well and wanted me to video tape it while it happened. ("Yeah right you just want to ogle the dancers" "Of course, lah!")
What I wasn't prepared for was the PLATOON of banana hammocks that marched out into the restaurant. Smooth greased up Asian chests everywhere! My dad was of course shocked at first and then looked at me and we started laughing and the ridiculousness of it. My dad stood up and clapped his hand on my shoulder and put a mock serious look on his face. The people immediately around me witnessed my dad telling me that he loved me and accepted my life style choice and that nothing I could say or do would ever change the fact that he and mom loved me and accepted me. Thanks, dad. I was laughing during the whole thing and my future BIL and work buddies who were around me were laughing as well. My dad excused himself and said he had to go find my mom and tell her the "bad news about her future grandchildren" and left ("Can adopt, lah! Can surrogate, meh!" Thanks for the support, guys). My future BIL laughed and said that since all of the available male dancers were at my party, there were none available to attend his sister's party, so she was "safe".
Among the highlights of the evening is that I discovered that a few of my co-workers and future cousins were in fact gay. I was told to stay out of the ladies' room no matter what. I wasn't planning on going in but thanks for the warning. I was proud that we all only vomited in the trash cans and not on the floor (what a waste of some damn good sushi....and fish sperm). Rich and Jimmy stayed next to each other all night. I even saw them holding hands and looking at each other lovingly. To my shame, I was under the common misconception that all gay men were very promiscuous and I kind of expected them to pair off with the dancers. What I saw that night was a very loving monogamous relationship.
The Wedding Day
The day of the wedding came a few days later and I had the good fortune of being the first one in my family to experience the fun and interesting experience of a groom going through a Chinese-style wedding. I say "Chinese-style" because while we did do a lot of the traditions from a Chinese wedding, we did say vows to God before a Christian minister. This was something she insisted on as her family had converted from Taoism to Christianity (but still kept the Taoist traditions and festivals).
First up was the gatecrash. I went over to the her family's apartment and the MOH and bridesmaids stood at the door refusing to let me in unless I gave them $9999.00. Nine is a significant symbol to them. It means "longevity" I think. So the whole idea is for me to haggle the price down by doing challenges and games. I had to do a handstand and walk with my hands. I had to answer trivia questions ("What is her nickname for you?" "Cranky old man" "What is your nickname for her?" "Baby"). BIL and I had to do "the worm". I haggled them down to $99 which I paid to them in a red packet. My BIL and wife chided me for not going lower but my dad was there and was in his 70s and couldn't do any feats of strength.
After I "secured" my bride, we did the traditional tea ceremony with her parents and my parents. Lilly was dressed in a traditional red silk qipao, tailor made by Rich and Jimmy. I gotta tell you people, the qipao really does it for me! Not gonna lie, it was like cupid gut punched me when I saw her dressed in it . My parents were pretty stoic throughout but my mom sympathy cried with Lilly's parents when she tearfully did the tea ceremony with her mother and father. We received red packets from each set of parents. I was told the red packet her parents gave us had most of the bride price we paid in it. Her mom gave her her grandmother's jeweled antique watch and my mom gave her a sapphire ring (sapphire is my birth stone). As we left her home to go to Chijmes, I told her "we're keeping that dress, understand me??" She laughed.
We got to Chijmes, did the photos and she walked down the aisle in a beautiful white dress with a small train behind it with sequins on it. My dad gave me the ring. He was my best man. He was my best man because he's the best man I know. After the wedding, she changed into a champagne colored strapless cocktail dress another Rich and Jimmy original. THREE wardrobe changes, people! THREE! All with different hair and make up and she did it super quick. I don't know what wizardry was invoked but we may be indebted to the hoary netherworld.
We honeymooned at the Fullerton Hotel. The old British colonial Post Office was converted to a luxury hotel in 2001. We stayed there for 3 days ordering overpriced room service ("Go to hawker center, lah! Much cheaper better food, meh!).
Emigration and Immigration
So a little bit before this time, a little event happened in New York. You might have heard about it. Anyway because some sexually repressed incels decided to murder thousands of people, USA's immigration was all jacked up. The INS went bye-bye. Then we had the BCIS for a brief moment, followed by the USCIS. I saw that my project was ending and my company helped me with her immigration. It was a pain, though. It seems like we had new forms to fill out every week while the old ones became obsolete. That's how I remember it, anyway. It was a pretty frustrating time and I almost had to leave her behind (it wouldn't have been permanent but it would be a long time). Luckily we were able to make it time.
For explanation purposes, we didn't get LEGALLY married in Singapore. We had the religious ceremony but no "government contracts" were involved. This is because, at that time at least, it was easier to bring over a fiancée than a wife, for some reason. So Lilly was a "90 Day Fiancée"!! We got married at the county courthouse when we finally were able to go to my new project. We didn't wait 90 days. We did in three (jet lag).
Unfortunately for her, we moved from Singapore, a 24 hour international class city, to a sleepy seaside town in the USA near a military base. Lots of fun was had with that. A total fish out of water story for another time (What is this "coin laundry"? Do you Americans have a place to wash your coins?).
My BIL got married to a beautiful girl and moved to Australia and opened a Bait and Tackle store in Surfer's Paradise on the east coast of Australia. He has 2 daughters. In 2012 he was caught cheating on his wife and lost everything. She moved back to Singapore with his kids, and he kind of struggled for a while. He got another bait and tackle store eventually and tries to see his daughters whenever he can. They don't have a good relationship.
Rich and Jimmy celebrated the decriminalization of homosexuality in Singapore in 2022, but they still can't get married. We still talk from time to time. Writing this, I find myself missing them. I had some really fun times because of them. I've never had better conversations in Singapore than with them while at Lilly's dress fittings (and my suit fittings).
We have been married for 21 years. She has never given up being a Singaporean citizen. She keeps her passport current. She's a "permanent resident" here in the USA. We have three kids, two boys and a girl. We are still married. She still wears her hair in a pony tail with a ball cap when she works out. She still wears that qipao on special occasions, which I try to achieve as often as possible. She's still my Baby and I'm still her Cranky Old Man.
Thanks for reading.

Background

The company I work for recently decided to sponsor a cohort of folks to get AWS certified. Since being notified that this was happening, I've been poking around in this subreddit looking for advice, popular studying materials, etc. I ended up finding some really useful information in here, so I wanted to provide others with my experience hoping it'll help them too.
As for my (relevant) professional background, I have about 2-3 years of experience working with various services in AWS. While I don't think it's 100% necessary to have this much hands on experience, I can say that it absolutely helped.

Studying & Preparation

The program offered to us was basically split into two chunks:

1. A 4-day live course experience (taken at-home)
2. Dedicated self-study time with materials provided by WhizLabs, AWS SkillBuilder, and Skillsoft

The expectation was to take the live course, study (a lot), and come out the other side in about a month or so with certification in-hand.
I'll say right off the bat - every resource named above was valuable overall and contributed to passing the exam. That said, I'll get into a little bit of detail for anyone interested and wondering which path they might take.
4-Day Live Course
The live course was good for all the reasons you might expect, and not good for other reasons you might expect. The instructor was very knowledgeable, answered any/all questions we had throughout, and put in effort for a solid 8+ hours each day. The downside to a live course structured over 4-days is, you're effectively cramming brand new information for those 8+ hours on the instructors' schedule - you run to the bathroom, you miss something. You don't understand something - you can ask, but don't want to hold up the class. Everyone learns at a different pace, and there's just no retaining an entire certifications worth of information in 3 days plus an "Exam Prep" day. By hour 5 or 6, you're pretty much fried (or at least I was).
Self-study: WhizLabs, AWS Skillbuilder, Skillsoft, and Tutorials Dojo
Here's the obvious "meat and potatoes" of the exam preparation experience, and what I assume most people will be interested in.
WhizLabs
Right after the live course ended, I dove headfirst into self-study mode. I consumed every single SAA-C03 training video WhizLabs offered in about a week or so, sprinkling their practice tests in throughout. As expected, I started off slow and began to heat up as I continued learning and getting used to question phrasing.
WhizLabs Practice Tests

Practice Tests	Attempt #1	Attempt #2
Test 1	54%	80%
Test 2	69%	85%
Test 3	83%	-
Test 4	85%	-
Test 5	63%	91%
Test 6	78%	93%
Final Test	95%	-

Note: Second attempts were never taken directly after the first, and always given 3-4 days in between attempts to minimize memorizing the questions/answers.
AWS Skillbuilder
I didn't spend a ton of time here, but there are a number of useful resources to take advantage of, including an "official" AWS SAA-C03 practice exam! This was, in my opinion, a great experience because only AWS has the secret sauce for question weighting, unscored questions, etc. I also thought the questions were written a bit better than WhizLabs overall and more closely reflected the actual exam (as expected). I also took comfort in knowing that it's regularly updated and maintained by AWS. I only made a single attempt on this and scored a 723 - cutting it close, but I took it on the earlier side of my video review before finishing all of the content on WhizLabs.
Skillsoft
Almost no time spent here based on some feedback from others in my cohort. I heard that their practice questions were on the easier side, so I elected to skip it and move onto TD practice tests based on reviews on this subreddit!
Tutorials Dojo
Ah, the reigning king of SAA-C03 practice tests! I was actually a bit skeptical of TD when I first read about them because I'd never heard of them before (even after taking a number of other Cisco certifications). For anyone else trying to AVOID dumps and wondering about legitimate studying resources, simply use the AWS "Partner Solutions Finder" and filter by "Authorized Training Partners" found here: AWS Partner Solutions Finder (amazonaws.com).
Anyways, about a week or so out from my exam I decided that taking WhizLabs practice tests over and over again had reached the point of diminishing returns, so I called an audible and purchased the SAA-C03 practice tests pack from Tutorials Dojo. I wasn't reimbursed for this or anything - it was all out of pocket, and it was the best $15 I've ever spent! If you're on the fence about buying these leading up to your exam, hesitate no further. This is one of those times where I would've MUCH rather had and not needed than needed and not had - I would've been a trainwreck if I'd failed the exam and TD could've made the difference.
Tutorials Dojo Practice Tests

Test	Score (Date)
Review - Set 1	68% (29-MAY-2024)
Review - Set 2	78% (30-MAY-2024)
Review - Set 3	68% (1-JUN-2024)
Review - Set 4	71% (2-JUN-2024)
Review - Set 5	77% (3-JUN-2024)
Review - Set 6	-
Review - Set 7	71% (4-JUN-2024)
Bonus Review - Set 8	76% (4-JUN-2024)
Timed - Set 1	94% (2-JUN-2024)
Timed - Set 2	-
Timed - Set 3	95% (6-JUN-2024)
Timed - Set 4	94% (2-JUN-2024)
Timed - Set 5	-
Timed - Set 6	77% (3-JUN-2024)
Timed - Set 7	-
Bonus Timed - Set 8	100% (5-JUN-2024)
Final Test	86% (6-JUN-2024)

Note: Again, tried not to take the same exam multiple times in a row to avoid memorization of questions/answers.
For the TD tests, I only made 1 attempt per test. If I failed, I retook it, but in a different mode just to mix it up a little. As you can see, I was getting pretty confident toward the end of my studying. After doing well on the final test, I opted to take all of the topic-based tests too just to say I left no stone unturned - I found these valuable as well.
WhizLabs VS SkillBuilder VS Skillsoft VS Tutorials Dojo
I think this is another thing people are curious about, so I'll comment on this briefly. IMO, the quality control of TD was on par with the official AWS Skillbuilder practice exam, and better overall than my experience with WhizLabs. I didn't do much on Skillsoft, so I don't have much to say about them, but I'm sure they are a useful resource as well - I was on a time crunch and had a deadline of 7-JUN-2024, so I had to make the most of my time. I'll also add that I wouldn't change much around my self-studying and the materials I used. I wanted a very well rounded, repetitious approach where I could cast my net as wide as possible - utilizing all of these different sources for studying was exactly what I needed/wanted.

Exam

I'll preface this section by saying I am the worst test taker in history. I've always been a nervous, anxious wreck leading up to any test on any level - my heart pounds, my blood pumps, my hands shake. It's just how I am /shrug. If this sounds like you, I hope you can read through this post and use this information to boost your confidence.
So, the day finally came.
I got up around 7am with the exam scheduled for 12:15pm. I ate a small breakfast and had some coffee before cutting myself off of all food and drinks. For me, 2 hours is pretty long time to sit still and be 100% concentrated on something without having to go to the bathroom, so I took extra caution here and had nothing for a good 3-4 hours prior to the exam (YMMV).
I know some folks swear by relaxing the morning of their test, but I couldn't help myself. I actually made a little to-do list for myself for that morning:

• Finish section tests - 30 minutes
• Review final test - 30 minutes
• Review flashcards - 60 minutes
• Review weak topics - 60 minutes

After completing that checklist, I had about 30 minutes before leaving to take the test in-person at a Pearson Vue testing center. I took this time to just try to chill my nerves, reflect, and be with my family a little bit.
Finally, it was time to hit the road. I got there about 30 minutes early and whipped out my flashcards again. Ironically, I opted to take the test at a testing center to avoid noisy yardwork around my neighborhood - as soon as I parked, a crew on riding lawnmowers was doing donuts right behind my car... lol. About 20 minutes before my scheduled appointment time, I went inside, checked in, and hit the restroom one last time.
GO TIME.
With the lawnmower gang in full force right outside the test center windows, I opted to use the noise cancelling headset they supplied. This worked well, despite being able to hear my uncontrollable heartbeat the entire time.
How were the questions?
I'm not sure if I got unlucky or what, but even after 300+ hours of studying, 250+ flashcards, and 900+ practice questions, I still felt like I got caught off-guard by a large number of questions. I was getting what seemed like odd outlier questions about container services that weren't ever mentioned in my studying. I want to stay somewhat ambiguous here when talking about exam questions to avoid any trouble but suffice to say that it was not what I expected. I hit the core services hard while studying: ASGs, EC2, S3, EFS, Route53, ELB, RDS, DynamoDB, ECS/EKS, etc. etc. What I ended up getting were questions about outlying services that I didn't ever remember seeing before (which I didn't think was possible). I even asked my wife to check the official AWS exam guide to see if a few of these services were mentioned - nope.
Was the real exam easier or harder than all the practice tests?
If I had to give a cut and dry answer based on my personal experience and the question set I received, I'd say harder unfortunately.
In hindsight, would you have changed anything?
Nope! I studied extremely hard for this exam. It was difficult for me despite my experience, but I would do it the same way if I had to do it all over again. I think going far and wide is what you want for the Associate level test - lay eyes on everything once or twice, and don't sink too much time into diving very deeply into any particular thing (unless it piques your interest, of course).

Drumroll... Final Score

After about 7 weeks of study hell, I'm proud to pat myself on the back for scoring a 791 on the SAA-C03!
I didn't exactly blow the test out of the water, but I also walked out of the testing center accepting the fact that I tanked the exam hard. I called my wife on the way home to vent and give her the bad news and spent the rest of the day finishing up some work and lounging around the house, fully expecting to have to start studying again after our upcoming vacation (which would also be kind of a drag after potentially failing).
In the end, it all worked out. I randomly woke up around midnight to check my results via phone in bed to find out the good news. I sprang up, woke up my poor wife, and we celebrated right then and there.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading and I sincerely hope this helps others in some way. Also, be sure to thank those around you who supported you leading up to your test - they were there to pick up the slack while your head was buried in the "cloud," and they will be there to celebrate your accomplishments after you pass your exam.

*WARNING - this is gonna be a very long post. I also provide a lot of anecdotal recommendations and advice based on my experience and what my CRS told me, but I am not a doctor, so do not take the information I provide as medical advice. *
I’ve been here a long time, and this post is an updated version of one I made several months ago. I feel obligated to give back and report on how things are going for me so that maybe I can help someone else on their journey like so many others have helped me on mine.
I’ve made other posts on this sub, but here is a detailed rundown of my journey:

Beginning of August 2023 -

• Had a gnarly bm at work, and of course the tp they have there is literal sandpaper. I like to make sure I’m spotless Down Under so I absolutely annihilated my butthole in an effort to achieve sparkly cleanliness. I immediately knew I overdid it cuz of how bad my bh was stinging but I figured it would clear up in a day or two.

I have learned a valuable lesson from this and I cannot stress this enough: DON’T MAKE THIS MISTAKE. USE WETS WIPES AND A BIDET. Standard tp is VERY unforgiving. If you do use tp, don’t aggressively rub, gently dab.

• A few days pass and the pain worsens. I have another bm, lots of blood but relief. I’m unsettled but move on with my day. My instincts were telling me something doesn’t seem right but I wanted to see if time would heal me.
  
• I notice some little pus spots in the following days when I dab with tp, which immediately put me on high alert. I look back there with a mirror and see a little pimple looking thing very close to my anal opening. I’m alarmed but decide to give it another couple days to see if it went away on it’s own. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.
  
• I go to local urgent care, and as is the trend in this sub, I get misdiagnosed with having an ingrown hair and given antibiotics. Also told to do sitz baths and hot compresses to help it drain. The meds helped shrink the pimple and it went nearly flat, but after the course was finished, that “pimple” came back with a vengeance and turned into a proper abscess. It filled up and abscessed over the course of about two days.
  
• Woke up for work and had trouble walking and sitting. I immediately knew what was up thanks to having thoroughly explored this sub by this point, and educated myself on what I likely had going on. The urgent care had told me to follow up with general surgery if I had continued problems, but l knew to go right to a specialist. Thankfully my insurance doesn’t require referrals. Through an insane amount of luck and perhaps some divine intervention, I was able to see a CRS the same day I woke up with the abscess. Bedside I&D with local anesthetic, and it hurt BAD. Immediately relieved of abscess pain though. CRS checked for fistula at this time too, but did not see anything. I was hopeful the I&D would be the end of this for me. (Spoiler alert x2: it wasn’t.)
  

September to October 2023 -

• Went in for follow up with CRS at two weeks from I&D. Still having minimal pus and blood drainage, so I’d been keeping gauze tucked between my cheeks all this time. I was hoping against hope I was just healing slowly. He took one quick look and immediately decided that things didn’t seem right. Gave me the option of EUA with possible fistulotomy vs. seton placement OR I could try to live with things. I decided on surgery knowing the quicker you tackle fistula, the better. I didn’t want it getting worse or risk branching off. Scheduled for surgery end of October ‘23. I was devastated this wasn’t over with, and kept thinking about putting things off til I had more savings and better insurance next year - but I eventually made my peace with things. I didn’t want to suffer any longer than I already had. Health and happiness is WAY more important than money.
  
• I&D site never healed properly during entire wait time. Abscessed again twice, burst on it’s own. Kept it draining with sitz baths and religiously kept it cleaned. Lived with gauze between my cheeks 24/7. Constant drainage of blood and/or pus (yellow, green, brown). Carried my “butt kit” everywhere, which was a pack of baby wipes, some 4x4” gauze sponges, and a handheld bidet. One of my biggest recommendations is investing in a portable bidet for cleaning up after bm’s in public, get one off Amazon! LIFESAVER.
  
• The worst part of the interim between that follow up and my surgery date was honestly the waiting. Not knowing how bad it actually was back there, seeing various amount of drainage every day, varying levels of pain, the frustration of how much time it takes to clean myself up after bm’s. The mental aspect of this condition is truly debilitating. PLEASE make sure to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself as best you can. Make sure you have a support network you can talk to. Do things you enjoy. And for the love of all things, DON’T doom scroll this sub or the internet at large. Although it helped me educate myself and the positive stories were reassuring, I definitely messed up my mental state getting worked up over worst case scenarios.
  

October 27, 2023 -

• Surgery day! Everything went SUPER well, I could not be more thankful for my outcome. CRS was so chill and kind, answered all my Qs pre and post op. Woke up to find out it was a very superficial fistula, barely any sphincter involved, and got a fistulotomy! (CPT Code 46270). CRS said specifically that as far as depth of cutting required, “only a few sheets of paper” deep. I’m feeling quite good. Bleeding of course, but not terrible. Was prescribed narcotic pain meds but haven’t used them yet. Pain 1/10 for now.

October 28, 2023 -

• Still feeling decent, but I can feel the soreness intensifying today. I reckon it’ll be even worse by tomorrow, but we shall see. Bleeding continues but seems lighter. Spent nearly all day sleeping yesterday when I got home from the hospital, and I plan on relaxing in bed all day today as well. Making sure to keep pressure off the booty so I’m laying on my sides or angling onto one of my butt cheeks if I’m on my back.

October 31, 2023 -

• Happy Halloween! Still hangin’ in there. Drainage is about the same volume wise, but it’s more pink and clear-ish fluid than blood now. Had my first bm’s today. (I typically poop every 2-3 days so I wasn’t too stressed about how long it’s been since surgery day.)
  
• It definitely sucked and I was a bit backed up, so my first bm was a bit hard and on the smaller side. Pain was maybe 4/10 during and right after passage, and gradually subsided within an hour to a 1/10. Minor bleeding. Took milk of magnesia in the morning to encourage a proper bm, which I finally passed in the afternoon. This one was a bigger bm and hurt quite a bit more, 6/10, lingering pain afterwards that gradually decreased to a 2/10. Used handheld bidet to clean up, NO tp whatsoever. Dabbed with a wet wipe to make sure I was clean. Took an extra long sitz bath (15min) right afterwards which really helped calm the pain.
  
• As far as what my pain feels like, it’s a combination of stinging and soreness, mostly an achy sore feeling though. Post bm, it’s radiating from my butthole out into my buttcheeks and toward my tailbone a bit. I have a very high pain tolerance so it’s manageable. I’ve been sticking to Tylenol.
  

I still have no idea what the actual wound looks like, I have zero interest in finding out right now lol.

November 6th, 2023 -

• I am now officially a week and some change out from my fistulotomy. The past week definitely had it’s ups and downs both physically and mentally.
  
• I did wind up taking one of my narcotic pain meds on day 4 and 5 due to lingering pains from a bm. Pain started subsiding a bit by later in day 5 and into day 6, but intensified a little on day 7-8. BMs still hurt quite a bit but not nearly as awful as the first one post op. Warm soapy sitz baths have been my absolute best friend to help with any pains back there. I also have a detachable shower head for further rinsing and cleaning after all of my sitz baths.
  
• Drainage overall seems to be reducing, and I’m seeing less blood. There’s a bit of a light yellow goopy substance mixed with the blood when I check my gauze now. I’m not worried about it as it does not smell and seems to be a normal part of the healing process for fistulotomy wounds according to my research. Obviously my CRS will have the final say. My follow up appt is on the 16th.
  
• I walked around for a few hours at a local bacon festival with family yesterday, which was some much-needed fun, but I definitely went a bit overboard with walking and was a tad sore afterward. Very manageable pain though. I will definitely regret eating the amount of bacon that I did but YOLO.
  
• I try not to allow myself to think too much about all this, but it’s still hard contending with the feeling that my body betrayed me and the healing process will be long and not linear. I keep reminding myself that this is a journey, not a race, which helps recenter my mindset.
  

8.5 weeks to 11 weeks post op -

I have my last follow up with my CRS at 8.5 weeks. He's surprised I'm still not fully healed, but not concerned. He said it could take "a few more weeks" and drainage is to be expected as long as there is any kind of wound. He released me from his care.
A couple weeks later, I had a scare where I randomly had a quarter-sized blotch of pure blood on my gauze. A nervous wreck, I call my CRS and was told that it's highly unusual for bleeding this far out from surgery, but not cause for worry unless it got worse and/or did not stop bleeding. I was given the choice to wait it out or head in for an appointment - I chose to wait and see. I didn't bleed like that again and I moved on.
I assume that the surgery site had healed into a shallow fissure at this point and it opened up.

5 months post op -

• Generally feeling good, but still have very light spotting of yellow drainage. It is not constant. I continue to take at least one sitz bath daily with a little epsom salt in water as hot as I can safely tolerate. I rinse off in the shower afterward. I still occasionally tuck gauze between my cheeks to monitor drainage and keep things dry.

Present Day, 7 months 1 week from Surgery -

I still feel wary declaring this, but I can say with reasonable confidence that I have completed my healing journey.
I stopped using gauze entirely around the 5.5 month mark and checked drainage levels by gently dabbing with tp after restroom visits. I think I completely stopped seeing the little yellow drainage dots at 6 months.
I also had a very strange incident on the opposite side from my surgery site at 6 months; while washing in the shower, I felt 3 lima-bean sized lumps in my inner cheek tissue that felt a bit tender, and an overall firmness that was not present on my other cheek. I freaked out at first, but decided to take the "wait and see" approach. Those lumps did eventually disappear over the course of about 3 weeks, and I still have no idea what they were. I had been doing a lot of physical work at odd angles and sitting on flat hard ground prior to this, so I think I maybe strained a muscle back there and maybe had some fatty tissue buildup??
That aside, my anus still occasionally feels "odd" and I experience what I assume are nerve pinches from the scar tissue, but I feel great and am living my life more or less like I was before this all happened to me - with some habit changes.
I still use my portable bidet when I need to use the bathroom in a public place, and do not go anywhere without said bidet and a pack of wet wipes.
If I'm at home, I always hop in the shower and wash after a bm so I know I'm sparkling clean back there. I don't think I'll ever shake the need to do this. The trauma from this experience is Too Real. I'm still nervous to get back on my bicycle, but I think I can safely do so if I choose to.
I cannot stress this enough - trust your body and trust the healing process. It is unlikely to be linear, and even if your doctor gives you a healing timeline, it probably will not be accurate.
Some people are lucky and actually heal quickly, but others could take closer to a year - it depends on SO many factors. I had a super fast and super simple fistulotomy, and it took all 7 of these months to feel back to normal. So, don't lose hope if it's taking you longer to heal. Be kind to yourself, give yourself grace, and live your life as fully as you can.
I can't tell you what exactly happened, but some kind of switch in my brain flipped at about the 4 month mark and I just stopped getting myself so worked up over this. No more obsessing, no more doom scrolling. I refused to go back to my CRS unless I literally had another abscess in my ass - which thankfully did not happen.
If a setback happened, I just shrugged and kept going. I was SO tired of letting this thing rule my life. I didn't stop caring for myself, but I sure stopped letting my anxiety get the better of me.
I have learned a lot from from this experience. Namely that it's important to separate reasonable amounts of caution and care from unreasonable obsessing. I'm anxious by nature and have a TON of health anxiety, so this was incredibly difficult for me to overcome.
Obviously, if something is clearly wrong, go back to your CRS - but getting riled up over every single minor setback isn't worth the stress and anxiety, and patience truly is a virtue.
I’ve added some extra notes below in case anyone finds them helpful.

Diet, Hygiene, and More -

• I’ll admit that my appetite was horrible for the duration of me dealing with this condition. I didn’t eat much and did a LOT of fasting because I was afraid of having bm’s. I highly recommend not doing this to yourself. I felt fatigued constantly.
  
• Post-op diet is high fiber and generally healthful. CRS said I could resume my normal diet immediately, minus spicy food and alcohol. I’m making the personal choice to eat healthier on my own. I’m eating a lot of soups, whole grain toast, plain skyr yogurt with granola and mixed fruits, bananas, apples, etc. Basically anything easy to digest but also full of nutrients.
  
• Colace stool softener is great and I highly recommend using it pre and post op! Milk of Magnesia is also very good to help get post-op bowels moving.
  
• Make sure you keep your butt super clean and dry at all times pre AND post op. Change your gauze every time you use the bathroom. I would wash back there every night with my removable shower head and some gentle castile soap (I use Dr. Bronner’s brand). Make sure whatever soap you use is UNSCENTED, soaps with scents in them could cause unnecessary irritation.
  
• I started using Calmoseptine ointment with approval from my CRS around the 10-15 week mark (I don't remember when exactly I started, only that I waited until I was confident I'd finished the bulk of my healing). It's nice for creating a moisture barrier as well as helping with discomfort, but it's very messy/sticky, so be aware of this!
  
• For those wondering, I completely abstained from sex until I reached the 4 month post op milestone. It was partly to make sure I was well-healed, but I also had a horrendous self-image and felt anything but sexy all this time. I'm incredibly grateful to my partner for giving me so much patience, it was incredibly hard for both of us.
  

Hey y'all! Lately I've been working on the 'History' section of my lore book for The Duchy of Nyrheim, and I came up with a method I really like and thought I'd share for anyone who is homebrewing their own setting.
I got the idea while reading some Marvel comics -- I've been collecting the best runs of the 2000s (happy to take recs) and noticed something interesting. When dealing with a story that has roots in Marvel's past (or even if they are writing those past events for the story at hand), they will often start with a flashback simply titled "Then" before shifting to a scene in the present titled "Now". I haven't to imagine that part of why they do this is the sliding time scale. But something about the simplicity of it all really spoke to me.
When writing the history of the region, I wanted a way to separate the events that have happened long ago from those whose impacts are being felt strongly in the present. These terms have helped me get there. I'm a little generous with the term "now..." which I use to cover the past 400 years or so, you can obviously set whatever threshold you like. But you can use this to set up some pretty exciting stories -- Then: Isildur killed Sauron, Now: It's Bilbo Baggins' eleventy-first birthday. It also maybe characterizes what may inform what are the ruins, treasures, or dungeons of your setting and what are the everyday societies and cultures found in the urban environments.
One last thing I'll add, I always include how many years ago something was and not just the date. If you are making your own timeline, the dates may just look like vague numbers to readers/players. By telling them how long ago something was, it puts it in relative terms they are more ready to understand. You can even use this method and be pretty vague about dates if you aren't ready to lock a timeline hard in stone. One version I had prior to this just used headings like "About 400 years ago", but I'd never break it down in increments less than 100s of years.
Here's what I've got right now for my setting, happy to expand on any information or answer any questions in the comments below! What would be the highlights of the Then & Now of your settings?

Then...

Explore the origins of the region, from ancient fey dominions through epic conquests and the rule of Nyrheim's first dwarven dukes. This section covers events from The Dark Age that occurred across the lands that now make up the north of the Floren Kingdom.
FALL OF THE FEY
Over 2,600 Years Ago (100s BCE)... For thousands of years, Elyndel's northwestern lands (then called Faen'tir) were dominated by elven tribes with other fey and kobolds scattered throughout the region. Though most of their conflict was with unseelie, giants, and humans, there was also scarce political unity between the elves. The Old Antum Empire, however, emerged from a collection of human tribes in the south. At the dawn of thew millenium, the Emperor's legions attacked with iron and fire against the might and magic of the fey. This conflict, known at "The Feywars" forever tipped the scales of power in Elyndel.
RISE OF RAYONNÉ
Over 2,300 Years Ago (200s CE)... Rayonné, was founded under the influence of the Antum Empire and quickly became a crucial trade hub. Strategically located on an island within a major river, Rayonné's natural defenses and prime location facilitated its rapid growth, even though it wouldn't even become the capital of Floren for over 2,000 years. The Antum Empire invested heavily in the city's infrastructure, constructing grand structures such as an amphitheater, public baths, and majestic temples. They also encouraged migration to the new city by offering incentives such as land grants and tax breaks to new freemasons.
SINKING OF MYR
Over 2,000 Years Ago (500s CE)... To escape political strife and external threats, many elves of Westernor began to emigrate to Brynthal. They brought with them a revival of their fey culture and arcane wisdom, establishing a thriving community in the region. Off the coast they built Myr, a magnificent island city built protected by enchanted barriers. However a warlock's dark pact led to the city's destruction, sinking Myr and its inhabitants into the abyss. The islands ruins, now a haunting legend, lure adventurers seeking its lost treasures and secrets.
SHADOWS IN THE WEST
Over 1,700 Years Ago (800s CE)... After ravaging eastern and central Elyndel, Grotar the "Scourge of Orcus" turned his focus westward. General Gaius Tullarix of Old Antum was tasked with defending the region against the invading Shadow Horde and its ogre warlord. Recognizing the threat, General Tullarix rallied a broad coalition of various tribes in the Empire to confront the invaders. They clashed near Véreluce in northeastern Floren, fighting fiercely for hours without yielding. However, faced with staunch resistance and severe casualties, the Shadow Horde retreated, forcing Grotar to forgo his aspirations of conquests in the west.
OUT OF THE EMPIRE
Over 1,400 Years Ago (1100s CE)... After the collapse of Old Antum, the region fell into chaos. Afterward, humans of the Floren tribe moved in from the east. The Fontainian family, under the leadership of King Tharic, united the disparate tribes and transformed the region into the formidable Floren kingdom. Following Thalric's death, the Fontainain dynasty faced internal strife and political fragmentation, as his successors struggled to maintain the unity he had forged. This period saw a kaleidoscope of petty kingdoms, each vying for power and influence. But despite these challenges, the Fontainians managed to preserve their hegemony for centuries.
UNDYING ALLEGIENCE
Over 1,100 Years Ago (1400s CE)... King Calixte I's death divided Floren again: Prince Calixte II inherited the north and Princess Sera the south. When Calixte II slew the dragon Jarghul, he drew the interest of a valkyrie who had come for the fallen. The while, Sera was murdered by her power-hungry husband. Seeking vengeance, Calixte II turned to necromancy, creating an army where fallen foes would serve him in death. The valkyrie, now known as The Wild Hunt, gifted him a spark of her power, and just when they seized the south, the gods imprisoned her for oath breaking. Calixte II was later killed by agents of his brother-in-law's mistress.
DIVINITY AND DYNSATY
Over 800 Years Ago (1700s CE)... The Loralian Dynasty in Floren has roots tracing back to Gaston Loralian I, a chief household officer to the Fontainian kings. The family gradually gained power as the royal family's influence waned (they were derogatorily dubbed as "do-nothing kings"). The critical shift occurred when Gaston III, with the support of the Pontifex, deposed the last Fontainian king. The church then crowned him as the king of Floren, establishing a precedent the divine right of kings, a principle that would heavily influence Elyndean politics thereafter. This coronation also ensured protection for the emergent Sacral-Antum Empire against invasions.
THE NORTHERN RAIDERS
Over 500 Years Ago (2000s CE)... At the turn of the millennium, dwarves of the north begin a campaign of large-scale raiding, colonizing, conquest, and trading along the northern shores of mainland Elyndel. To counter the raids, the Floren King Etienne I ceded the Cormorin Peninsula to the neighboring elven duchy of Brynthal in exchange for military aid. However, the elven magics faltered, and the dwarven berserkers further entrenched themselves as a new, formidable power in the region. Within a century, the raids shifted from a seasonal occurrence to a constant stream.

Now...

As the Age of Enlightenment dawned, the dwarves of settling in Nyrheim navigated the tides of Floren politics, forging alliances and asserting their influence across the north. The events that transpired during these transformative years have left an indelible mark on the region's history and people.
A DWARVEN DUCHY
410 Years Ago (2177 CE)... During the height of the dwarven raids, an ambitious dwarf named Rolf led a fleet into the heart of the Floren Kingdom. After a brutal but costly assault, Rolf attempted to flee from the Floren cavalry, but was unable to board his ships. Instead, he formed a defensive wall by slaughtering his army's livestock. The enemy charge halted as their horses were terrified by the sight and stench. Stuck in a stalemate, the Florens decided to negotiate with the dwarves. In exchange for peace, the King Etienne III ceded the lands from Roann to the north coast. Rolf was crowned as the duke and given the name “Lionheart” for his bravery.
THE QUEEN'S CAPTIVE
232 Years Ago (2355 CE)... After Duke Rolf's death, the Floren Queen Aveline II betrayed her predecessor's pact with the dwarves by confining Rolf's daughter, Eyma, in Rayonné and seizing the duchy's lands. This sparked a revolt among her supporters, who stormed Aveline's palace and demanded her freedom. Eventually Aveline, claiming she was teaching her courtly manners, reluctantly released her. A decade later, Eyma and her allies defeated Queen Aveline in battle. She held her hostage until she recognized her as Duchess of Nyrheim, restoring her rule over the duchy.
TREASURE AND TREACHERY
109 Years Ago (2478 CE)... Dwarven raids on Alwyndon resumed, with raiders crossing the northern channel to Nyrheim where they sold their plunder. Duchess Eyma, defying a treaty her father Duke Rolf had signed with High King Brady of Alwyndon, secretly provided sanctuary to these raiders. This breach of agreement provoked an Alwyndan military response. King Brady ordered an attack on the Cormorin Peninsula, demanding Eyma's capture and extradition. However, the Alwyndan forces were unprepared for the swift and fierce counterattack by the Nyrman cavalry, resulting in their complete and utter defeat.
A SUDDEN DEATH
88 Years Ago (2499 CE)... When Duchess Eyma died, her daughter Ylvana took power and immediately implemented harsh reforms to solidify her authority, cloaked as measures to strengthen the duchy. Appalled by her tyranny, her brother Harek attempted a rebellion but failed. Ylvana captured him and in a show of "mercy", publicly amputated his left hand before forcing him to reaffirm his loyalty. Soon after returning to Roann, Ylvana met a mysterious sudden death, rumored to be from poisoning — suspicions fell on disgruntled nobles, her advisors, or even Harek. Ultimately viewed as a martyr, Harek ascended to the ducal throne, stabilizing the region.
FLIGHT FROM ALWYNDON
62 Years Ago (2525 CE)... Duke Harek orchestrated a major trade pact with Alwyndon, marrying his sister Marnyl to the King Adalwulf of Kelden. Out of these new bonds, the Maritime Freight Guild was born, which proved its worth a decade later when Sven "Stormcloak" and his forces invaded Kelden. As the situation deteriorated, Queen Marnyl and her family escaped on the last trade ships out of the country. In Nyrheim, they remained under Duke Harek's protection. When the King eventually passed, Marnyl was stationed as the Countess of Roann. There, she raised her sons in a noble court and prepared them for leadership.
THE DUKE'S BASTARD
34 Years Ago (2548 CE)... During one of his sojourns, Duke Harek was ensnared in a passionate affair. Though fleeting, the liaison bore fruit in the form of an illegitimate son—Waldron. The identity of his mother has been the subject of much speculation, but her identity remains unknown. Meanwhile, Waldron grew up amidst speculative whispers and the weight of expectation. The duke's court, a place where honor and lineage are held in the highest regard, viewed him with a mixture of curiosity and disdain. Yet, Duke Harek, with a defiance that had characterized his reign, acknowledged Waldron as his son and sole heir.
ERRS IN SUCCESSION
17 Years Ago (2570 CE)... In Floren, Prince Etienne V joined forces with his younger brother Adnot and their mother in a revolt against his father, the reigning king. However, following the king's demise, Queen Urilla shifted her support to Adnot as the rightful heir, leaving Etienne V to contend with his rebel sibling and a divided kingdom. Seeking support, Etienne turned to Nyrheim and found an ally in Duke Harek. Grateful for the duke's aid during this turbulent period, the newly established King Etienne V rewarded Harek with the counties of Martovia and Vinmoria, strengthening the bonds between Nyrheim and the Floren crown.
PRINCES OF THE PENTARCHY
This Year (2587 CE)... With the full might of his navy, Duke Harek launched an invasion of Kelden, aiming to restore the now elderly princes to their throne. Tragically, Prince Adalwulf II was captured by an earl in his kingdom. In a cruel act intended to disqualify him from kingship, Finnian brutally blinded him with red-hot pokers -- the prince later died from his grievous injuries. In the wake of this tragedy, Prince Edmund, rallied the thegns of Alwyndon and defeated Sven Stormcloak's forces with the crucial support of Duke Harek. Their victory led to the the reestablishment of the five kingdoms under the Alwyndan Pentarchy.

so think has been in my mind for a while and i want to know is both phantomile and lunatea a dream or is it even real. of course you would it a dream since klonoa has been called a dream traveler and the webcomic he said that his become adventure then shows both phantomile and lunatea but if that the case then tell why would lolo and klonoa be a romantic subplot if lolo is not real. this is even wireder since when lolo said she like him he look more confused which won't make since it his dream. also tell me why would klonoa have huepow lie to him in his dream and make it like their were friend at all when even huepow is not real. also is chipple and guntz even or are they apart of klonoa dream because if they real since they can dream as well. well if that the case then lolo is real since she can dream as well. finally what the muck would klonoa even dream of villain like joka, ghadius, nahatomb, galren, janga, king of sorrow and even more, no one in their right mind would do that.
so yeah that my question so if you guys have a answer or a theory on the reality of phantomile and lunatea existence tell me in the comment cause i am confused?

https://www.tampabay.com/news/environment/2024/05/31/shore-acres-flooding-rehab-zillow-st-petersburg-home-sales/?trk_msg=9J1SGGSPPLK4DEC6HT9V4QALT4&trk_contact=GHB8B845NAGNN51HK0FNLQVEHO&trk_sid=1C0JP1DFE05SVNI8OHP7JC4PI4&trk_link=AEVBVKBD9LQ49FL1TCSAOQE5FG&utm_email=e2b5a119ccc8105f1db84263abac5674c0ebef4197443737515d3043ecac661b&utm_source=listrak&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Read+our+story+to+learn+more&utm_campaign=Build+or+bail%3f
“The couple knew the Shore Acres home flooded in 2020, but before then, they hadn’t seen any flood claims since the ‘80s. “We thought it was kind of a fluke,” Jones said. “We were like, ‘All right, we know we’re moving into the worst flood zone. We know the guy we’re buying from had water in it a few years ago, but the timeline seems to be sporadic.’” They were hoping for five to 10 years in the home before a flood. Maybe they could start a family there, and buy a bigger home later. Not even a year later, about 9 inches of water surged inside their house during Idalia. The home reeked of bay water, and anything it touched had to be gutted. Of the more than 1,700 St. Petersburg homes that reported damage during Idalia, about 80% were in Shore Acres, according to Claude Tankersley, the public works administrator for the city. In total, nearly 1,000 flood insurance claims were made to the Federal Emergency Management Agency from St. Petersburg. More than three-quarters of them were from homeowners in census tracts belonging to Shore Acres and nearby Snell Isle. FEMA flood insurance data shows the storm caused more than $58 million of building damage in the neighborhoods. In the months since, construction crews have labored on homes, tearing out damaged floorboards or drywall and installing new materials. As construction winds down, residents have noticed a trend. “Walking through the neighborhood this morning, feels like every other house is now up for sale,” wrote Alex Demetrius in the Shore Acres Civic Association Facebook page on May 4. Indeed, there has been a sharp uptick in homes listed for sale in Shore Acres, according to data from Zillow. Since the start of 2024, the number of new listings added each month has reached new heights. It’s impossible to say what is prompting the change, and the neighborhood’s average home value is still rising despite recent disasters. But in both Shore Acres and neighboring Snell Isle, the overall for-sale inventory is growing at a much higher rate than the rest of the region and is now nearly triple what it was at this time last year. Jones is working on the finishing touches of his home. But it won’t reflect the newlyweds’ style. They plan to sell their home, and buy one on higher ground.”
Very interesting piece. Inventory in the Tamps Bay Area of FL is continuing to increase, but this is a unique example and likely one of the first en masse exodus’s from a set of neighborhoods due to climate change related concerns about future costs associated with owning in the area given its propensity to flood. In April, for the first time since the pandemic, Tampas housing market inventory was higher than the pre-pandemic average (avg inventory in 2017, 18, and 19). The sunbelt’s housing market will be interesting to watch over the next few years…DISCUSS!