Edit: If you are going to comment on the length of this post, please don't. This is not a simple snark but rather an actual critical think piece about feminism and Taylor Swift.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

Eivor is a bit of a strange protagonist.
She’s basically flawless and without blame. She’s brash and bold, proud and unashamed — brave and wise far beyond her years, yet able to be soft and compassionate when not brandishing spears. She’s got a knack for leadership, a strong moral compass and an even stronger muscular system with which to enact justice.
And she’s got bars?
As someone not deeply versed in medieval European histories, imagine my shock and confusion upon discovering that Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla included rap battling.
My first experience with Flyting had me asking so many questions about what I just witnessed that I couldn’t wait to begin Googling. I figured flyting probably was historically accurate, but if that’s the case, then what else can it tells us about the medieval warrior and about Eivor’s characterization?
I set off to find out.
--
Wikipedia and howstuffworks combined gave me a robust definition of flyting.
A ritual, poetic exchange of insults practiced mainly between the 5th and 16th centuries. Examples of flyting are found throughout Scots, Ancient, Medieval and Modern Celtic, Old English, Middle English and Norse literature involving both historical and mythological figures. The exchanges would become extremely provocative, often involving accusations of cowardice or sexual perversion.
The idea behind flyting was to influence public opinion of the participants and raise both of their profiles. And each participant wanted to make himself look better than the other, even if they were friendly.
Not only that, but flyting’s also the first recorded use of shit as an insult. That right there is worth this whole essay and then some.
--
I came away from those definitions with some small Euphoria, as they reinforce what I already expected from Ubisoft — historically accurate and (arguably) immersive side activities grounded in realism.
Unfortunately, none of the flyting foes that Eivor faces in this fantasy are founded in any real-world flyters. I was particularly frustrated when I realized Fergal the Faceless and Borghild the Alewife’s Bane were fictional features, not real historical fiends of rhythm and rhyme.
Two of Eivor’s syntax competitors are “real” in some sense, however.
In Norse mythos, Odin, Thor, Loki, Freyja and more would handle their Family Matters over a flyte from time to time, dueling wits and words as competition and entertainment.
In fact, one flyte we do see in game — Odin as he flytes over the river with Thor in the Asgard Arc — is likely a reference to a real medieval Norse poem; The Hárbarðsljóð.
In it, Thor jaunts back to Asgard after a journey in Jötunheim. He comes to a junction in which he must jump a large river, and thus hunts down a ferryman to shepherd him across. The ferryman, Hárbarðr, is Odin in disguise. He then begins to diss guys.
Ahem. ‘Guys’ being Thor, obviously.
First, Odin drops a yo-mama joke:

Of thy morning feats art thou proud, but the future thou knowest not wholly; Doleful thine home-coming is: thy mother, me thinks, is dead.

He keeps going, taking more shots than a First Person Shooter, this time saying Thor dresses like a girl:

Three good dwellings methinks, thou hast not; Barefoot thou standest and wearest a beggar’s dress; Not even hose dost thou have.

Thor says watch your mouth before I clap back:

Ill for thee comes thy keenness of tongue, if the water I choose to wade; Louder, I ween, than a wolf thou cryest, if a blow of my hammer thou hast.

Odin replies by saying Thor’s wife is fucking another dude:

Sif has a lover at home, and him shouldst thou meet; More fitting it were on him to put forth thy strength.

The version we play out in game isn’t identical to the real-world poem, but carries some similarities; Thor’s threatening to cross the river to fight Odin as well as his boasting of slaying giants are present in each.
Ratatosk is the only other ‘real’ flyting enemy in Valhalla. While Odin doesn’t flyte with Ratatosk in Norse myth to my knowledge, the flyting against the squirrel is thematically accurate, at least.
Ratatosk’s purpose is to scramble up and down Yggdrasil, scurrying spoken messages from the eagle that sits at its peaks to the snake that slithers at its base. The nature of Ratatosk’s messages is in line with the act of flyting — the mischievous rodent carries falsehoods and aggressive statements to stir up drama and distrust between bird and serpent.
Flyting took place not only in poems and folklore, but in town squares and royal court. It was a facet of medieval life and social interaction. This weaving of prose then, in this time period, seemingly was just about as much of an admired skill as the swinging of a sword. It’s no wonder our unbreakable warrior Eivor is so proficient with word.
--
Like, really proficient with word.
I mean, I know it’s me choosing the dialogue options, but sheesh, is there anything she can’t do?
Actually, Eivor’s expertise in flyting is strange to me. It feels random and unearned — out of character, even. It comes more unexpectedly than Kendrick Lamar’s Not Like Us.
It probably only feels out of character, however, due to our modern understanding of proficiency with words versus proficiency with might. Our current interpretation of verbal ability compared to physical ability would perceive verbal ability as the ‘softer’ of the two skillsets. Physical strength is typically interpreted as tough and more dominant. You don’t expect to see an MMA fighter composing poetry, do you? The qualities that modern thought attributes to writing and physicality don’t mesh.
But in reality — and historically accurately in Valhalla — medieval warriors weren’t just blind berserkers. They were actually artists, poets and writers.
We’ve already demonstrated how Odin and Thor — Norse myth’s most famous warriors — carried out flyting. Thus, medieval Vikings would’ve surely done the same. Beyond Vikings though, the Illiad contains instances of public, ritualized abuse. Taunting songs are present in Inuit culture while Arabic poetry contains a form of flyting called naqa’id. Further, Japanese Samurai were known to be frequent composers of haiku, while Japanese culture also gave birth to Haikai, poetry in which vulgar satire and puns were wielded.
This historical accuracy ends up eliminating the randomness of Eivor’s flyting ability. Despite her verbal finesse feeling unearned, we can surmise historically that Eivor has practiced the wielding of words plenty in her life before we take over as the player. She’s dedicated time to this.
Now that we know why she has it, we can take a closer look at what it does for her.
--
So, Eivor can rap. She can match you with her axe or she can match you with her words. She’s just about unbeatable.
Her mastery of words demonstrates on some level that she’s not all Push Ups and might is right. She’s not all bruiser and bluster, burn and berserk. She’s an appreciator of the finer things — the more abstract, mental skills that require brain power, deftness and finesse.
This duality of strength and genius rounds out Eivor into a deeper, richer, more admirable character. More than just raw muscle in pursuit of glory, Eivor’s mastery of verse demonstrates her prioritizing not just her body, but her mind.
And it goes a long way for her.
Eivor can use her prowess with prose to progress past pointless plot points throughout Valhalla’s plethora of arcs and missions. It’s just a stat check in the end, but with enough practice flyting and enough charisma gained, Eivor unlocks new dialogue options that bend the world around her to her will.
Witch hunters in Eurvicscire on the brink of terrorizing Moira can be dispersed verbally rather than brawled or killed. There’s an entire riddle-solving fetch quest in Wincestre that can be skipped completely by telling King Aelfred’s abbot fuck off (figuratively). Eivor’s sharpening of her mind protects her body, saves her time, and allows her to frictionlessly fell her endeavors.
Her articulate advances don’t just alter her into admirability, they allow her to influence people and progression. With semantics from her mouth and twists from her tongue, Eivor can have her way whenever she wishes. In a game this large, I’m only left longing that the opportunity to make use of this charisma wasn’t relegated to niches.
Regardless, if medieval England is butter, Eivor’s tongue is the hot knife that behooves her move through her subduing more smoothly.
It all just goes to show that ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ flyte is right.

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inspire, install, instance, instead, institute, institution, institutional, instruction, instructor, instrument, insurance, intellectual, intelligence, intend, intense, intensity, intention, interaction, interest, interested, interesting, internal, international, Internet, interpret, interpretation, intervention, interview, introduce, introduction, invasion, invest, investigation, investigator, investment, investor, invite, involve, involved, involvement, Iraqi, Irish, iron, Islamic, island, Israeli, issue, it, Italian, item, its, itself, jacket, jail, Japanese, jet, Jew, Jewish, job, join, joint, joke, journal, journalist, journey, joy, judge, judgment, juice, jump, junior, jury, just, justice, justify, keep, key, kick, kid, kill, killer, killing, kind, king, kiss, kitchen, knee, knife, knock, know, knowledge, lab, label, labor, laboratory, lack, lady, lake, land, landscape, language, lap, large, largely, last, late, later, Latin, latter, laugh, launch, law, lawsuit, lawyer, lay, 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night, nine, no, nobody, nod, noise, nomination, nominee, none, nonetheless, nor, normal, normally, north, northern, nose, not, note, nothing, notice, notion, novel, now, nowhere, nuclear, number, numerous, nurse, nut, object, objective, obligation, observation, observe, observer, obtain, obvious, obviously, occasion, occasionally, occupation, occupy, occur, ocean, odd, odds, of, off, offense, offensive, offer, office, officer, official, often, oh, oil, okay, old, Olympic, on, once, one, ongoing, onion, online, only, onto, open, opening, operate, operating, operation, operator, opinion, opponent, opportunity, oppose, opposed, opposite, opposition, option, or, orange, order, ordinary, organic, organization, organize, orientation, origin, original, originally, other, others, otherwise, ought, our, ours, ourselves, out, outcome, outside, oven, over, overall, overcome, overlook, owe, own, owner, pace, pack, package, page, pain, painful, paint, painter, painting, pair, pale, Palestinian, palm, pan, panel, panic, pant, paper, paragraph, parent, park, parking, part, participant, participate, participation, particle, particular, particularly, partly, partner, partnership, party, pass, passage, passenger, passion, past, patch, path, patient, pattern, pause, pay, payment, PC, peace, peak, peer, pen, penalty, people, pepper, per, perceive, percentage, perception, perfect, perfectly, perform, performance, perhaps, period, permanent, permission, permit, person, personal, personality, personally, personnel, perspective, persuade, pet, phase, phenomenon, philosophy, phone, photo, photographer, phrase, physical, physically, physician, piano, pick, picture, pie, piece, pile, pilot, pine, pink, pipe, pitch, place, plan, plane, planet, planning, plant, plastic, plate, platform, play, player, please, pleasure, plenty, plot, plus, PM, pocket, poem, poet, poetry, point, police, policy, political, politically, politician, politics, poll, pollution, pool, poor, pop, popular, population, porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, 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relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

The novel begins September 3, 2006, a Sunday. In "physical time," our reality, Andre Agassi played and lost his final match of his career. Steve Irwin, the croc hunter, would die the following day from a stingray's three barbed venomous spinal blades puncturing his heart. Senator Barak Obama was still denying he was intending to run for President (he would announce in February 2007.) The number 1 song in America and the UK is Sexyback by Justin Timberlake. Egypt warned of Palestinian terror attacks against Israelis vacationing in Sinai. Charlie Sheen turned 41. 200 Taliban are killed in a major battle in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Iraqi leaders announce the capture of the #2 leader of Al Qaeda. Europe's space agency purposely crash-lands a lunar probe into the moon.
In short, nothing, on balance seems to have happened in the world that has any particular world-historical or even US-historical import. Just a day. Even searching back 4 extra days from September 3 - since we are told that the man viewing the art installation is now on his fifth straight day in the museum - nothing all that *important* seems to have happened on any of those dates, the way saying a novel is starting on June 6, 1944, or (obviously) September 10, 2001, or July 16, 1945 or November 22, 1962 would be of course trying to tell us something.
Q: why is Delillo's purpose (is there one?) for telling us this specific date? Why is it important that the man is there on September 3, 2006 watching this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a31q2ZQcETw over and over.
Q: who is the man? Delillo himself? Just a random unnamed character? Is it definitely Finley and Elster who are the two men who come into the room? The description of the older man "long white hair braided at the nape" [p.7, Scribner] certainly seems to suggest it is Elster, described in Ch. 1 as a man "with silvery hair, as always, was braided down into a short ponytail." If it is definitely them, what does it mean they attended a museum show together? Anything?
This is not the first Delillo novel to open with a scene where a movie, and anonymous characters' responses to watching it, is central to the narrative - Players opens with a movie being shown on a plane that is basically a silent movie of a terrorist machine-gun attack on waspy golfers, only accompanied by a pianist (yes a pianist) in the airplane bar filling in the suspense with improvised show tunes - and it is not the first to open with an examination of an art installation - Underworld, after the fantastic baseball game section - opens at Klara Sax's airplane bomber art installation commune. But this opening seems to introduce two characters obliquely, and of course only if you've paid close attention to the description of Elster's hair could you think back to it being him, perhaps.
"The nature of the film permitted total concentration and also depended on it." "The less there was to see, the harder he looked, the more he saw." [p.5, Scribner]
Q:Who is this person watching and why should we care?
Q: Did the opening sequence provide you any insight other than , perhaps, confusion? Something other than "what the hell did I just read?" What? Does your reaction to the opening sequence change when you know (if you did before this post) that the Psycho installation was and is real?
Moving on to Chapter 1 [p. 17, Scribner], we learn that we are on Day 10 of a 12-day period of time that relates the initial relationship between Elster and Finley. Finley, who is probably in his early to mid-30s and 73-year-old Elster are spending time at Elster's house in the desert to record a one-take movie of Elster's testimony of what it was like to serve in an administration that went to war under less than honest circumstances.
Our narrator is Jim Finley, a documentary filmmaker who has made exactly one film about Jerry Lewis's telethon appearances - Lewis, a "rampaging comic" to whom Elster would merely be a "straight man." [p.27] Elster, who Finley also describes as "not a man who might make space for even the gentlest correction," [p.22] is a non-political theorist being brought in to an administration to provide narrative to their war. I've seen references to him being based on Paul Wolfowitz, the political scientists who became Deputy SecDef in the Bush II Administration who famously nearly swallowed his comb to wet it to comb his hair in an image that likely sealed his fate in D.C. as unserious and ridiculous who was then shuffled off to the World Bank, but would Delillo ape the man AND mention him in the narrative? If so, that seems clumsy.
Q: Do you even take Elster serious as a character or believable as a "brain" behind the narrative of an administration going to war? A man who speaks in bad koans and aphorisms like "Time becomes blind." [p.23] and who reads Louis Zukovsky into the night? (Zukovsky famously worked on an epic poem called "A" for over almost 50 years, finally finishing it a few years before his death in 1978.)
Finley tells us: "To Elster, sunset was human invention, our perceptual arrangement of light and space into elements of wonder." [p.18, Scribner]. Elster has come to the desert to seek - something - we know not what and are not told definitively - but his narrative of what his role was in Washington was to create a interpretation of the "closed world" for the "plotters, the strategists" [p. 28] and ends up delivering to Finley what I think Finley was after - the cynical idea that Elster was giving form and shape to the government's bullshit narrative - "The state has to lie. There is no lie in war or in preparation for war that can't be defended. We went beyond this. We tried to create new realities overnight, careful sets of words that resemble advertising slogans in memorability and repeatability."
Q: Is Elster ultimately right? Did the country have a "shadowy need" [p.34] for such a narrative? See, for instance: "Let's roll." [probably in reality, "Let's roll it" referring to a beverage cart to break into the cockpit.]
"Shock and awe." "Global War on Terror" "Slam dunk" "WMDs" "The Surge" And perhaps most infamously "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques"
At the ends of the chapter, we get what counts as a cliffhanger in this slim novel: Elster's adult daughter would be coming for a visit, Jessie who was "otherworldly" [p. 36].

I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this or what I hope to gain from it. There are many things wrong with me, and it feels overwhelming.
Here are some preliminary things about me to get as much context as possible. I'm 20 years old. I'm turning 21 in July. I'm Indian-American. I will graduate college half a year early in December in a subject I hate. I'm currently on anti-depressants (a small dosage).
At first, I thought my depression was just stress about the future or my obsession with a crush. I barely know him, and he’s more a character I've created in my mind. He’s probably straight. A losing game. I know I’m destined to be alone. I’m superficial and plagued by insecurities about my body that nothing can fix.
I’m not smart enough for STEM. Forget being average—I’m not even competent. This leaves me feeling like I have nothing else. Whatever small talent I have in writing seems useless because I lack the strength, willpower, and discipline to achieve anything significant.
Moreover, I hate my parents. I've realized that I've let their burdens unfairly affect me, and I feel guilty about this. I'm still grappling with whether this guilt, or even this hatred, is valid.
I’m always confused and tired, and sharing these feelings with others makes me uncomfortable. I have a therapist who makes me feel heard, but I don't think I've been improving through our sessions.
I've stopped being able to enjoy anything anymore. Writing poems helped for a bit, but now I get drained even thinking about doing anything. I wish time would stop. I wish my brain could just shut the fuck up and turn itself off.
I just don’t know anymore...

I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this or what I hope to gain from it. There are many things wrong with me, and it feels overwhelming.
Here are some preliminary things about me to get as much context as possible. I'm 20 years old. I'm turning 21 in July. I'm Indian-American. I will graduate college half a year early in December in a subject I hate. I'm currently on anti-depressants (a small dosage).
At first, I thought my depression was just stress about the future or my obsession with a crush. I barely know him, and he’s more a character I've created in my mind. He’s probably straight. A losing game. I know I’m destined to be alone. I’m superficial and plagued by insecurities about my body that nothing can fix.
I’m not smart enough for STEM. Forget being average—I’m not even competent. This leaves me feeling like I have nothing else. Whatever small talent I have in writing seems useless because I lack the strength, willpower, and discipline to achieve anything significant.
Moreover, I hate my parents. I've realized that I've let their burdens unfairly affect me, and I feel guilty about this. I'm still grappling with whether this guilt, or even this hatred, is valid.
I’m always confused and tired, and sharing these feelings with others makes me uncomfortable. I have a therapist who makes me feel heard, but I don't think I've been improving through our sessions.
I've stopped being able to enjoy anything anymore. Writing poems helped for a bit, but now I get drained even thinking about doing anything. I wish time would stop. I wish my brain could just shut the fuck up and turn itself off.
I just don’t know anymore...

there is a rumor that the song "girl, so confusing" from charli xcx's new album "brat" might be about marina diamandis or Lorde
lyrics:
Girl girl girl girl girl
Yeah I don’t know if you like me
sometimes I think you might hate me
sometimes I think I might hate you
maybe you just wanna be me
you always say lets go out
so we go eat at a restaurant
sometimes it feels a bit awkward
cuz we don’t have much in common
People say were alike
they say we’ve got the same hair
we talk about making music
but I don’t know if its honest
cant tell if you wanna see me
falling over and failing
and you cant tell what your feeling
I think I know how you feel
Girl
its so confusing sometimes to be a girl
Girl girl girl girl girl
its so confusing sometimes to be a girl
Girl girl girl girl girl
how do you feel being a girl?
Girl girl girl
how do you feel being a girl?
Girl girl girl
I don’t know I’m just a girl
Girl girl girl girl
You’re all about writing poems
but I’m about throwing parties
think you should come to my party
and put your hands up
I think were totally different
but opposites do attract
maybe were so meant to be
just you and me cuz
People say were alike
they say we’ve got the same hair
one day we might make some music
the internet would go crazy
but you might still wanna see me
falling over and failing
at least were closer to being
on the same page
Girl
its so confusing sometimes to be a girl
Girl girl girl girl girl
its so confusing sometimes to be a girl
Girl girl girl girl girl
how do you feel being a girl?
Girl girl girl
how do you feel being a girl?
Girl girl girl
I don’t know I’m just a girl
Girl girl girl girl
Girl girl girl girl girl girl
girl girl girl girl girl girl…

You’ll find it during the Superfan cut of “Goodbye, Michael.”
Right after he tells the office that Phyllis was hot in high school, Michael turns his attention to Stanley, who seems to be doing a crossword puzzle.
Michael pulls out a slip of patter and reads the following words: “Do you hate that I am proud and brown, standing here alive, with baby oil on my Nubian thighs? - Big Mama Angelou.”
Baffling.
After some googling, he seems to be conflating the poem “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou and “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor (not the first time he’s been mistaken about that song).
Then he wants to do a crossword with Stanley, but Stanley refuses. Then they wrestle over the crossword book, and a hentai illustration falls out.
It’s a very strange sequence. For the first joke to land, the audience would have to be familiar with the Maya Angelou poem and also understand that Michael confuses “I Will Survive” with other pieces of media. So I’m not surprised it was cut.
At any rate, it has to be the strangest joke in the entire show, right? I can’t think of one that’s more obscure.
Anyway, I just wanted to share because I was so blindsided by it. I’ve seen this episode SO many times now, and to have this new bit to talk about is a lot of fun.
Thank you for reading.

(It got too long, sorry, but I needed to explain) I (27F) met this INTJ online (28M) and we talked for about 3 months. Our messages were really deep and we exchanged and shared many values and it felt like we developed a deep connection and shared many views or future visions (marriage, kids etc).. we became closer until we almost every day alept on the phone (he is from another country). He said so many seeet things which even surprised me and I'm a bit shy in the beginning to say such things. But he made me thaw and open up more and more until we both became kinda lovey dovey like a couple. (But wanted to wait till we meet) I wanted to go to his country again anyway, but he gave me another reason to look forward to it a lot. It seemed so obvious that we will start a relationship after meeting that we even searched for Airbnbs together (like for 2 people).
So I went there, he was picking me up from the airport with flowers. But within the first days of my 1,5 month stay he told me he thinks he can't have a relationship now.
Now about all the more confusing things (only the things he did): - He said he started to worry earlier, so not just suddenly. But to me he kept the lovey dovey behaviour up till we met. He even kissed me the first weekend we stayed together. And he cried in my arms while talking about the not being together. - He still spent my whole stay together with me everyday, even though he had to come late after work. He cared so much for me, always asked me if I'm hungry and brought food etc. or cooked for me - Everyday before and after his work we hugged each other and wished us a good day - He told his mom and brother about me during my stay, how kind I am etc and told me his mom said she wants to meet me (why would he mention that though?) - Even though he mentioned one worry is money and time he invited me to eat out a lot and always insisted to pay except for the times I managed to give my card earlier. Even though I told him I don't care about money or his job. We all started somewhere. And I care about him as a person. - I asked for more reasons and he said there are so many worries, more about himself and that he can't tell me everything - He mentioned that I have so many "perfect girlfriend" attributes and something a man would want and wife material, but maybe some men could also think they are not good enough (maybe he also thought that?) - I told him that I usually don't like situations like this, like couple behavioubeing close like this without relationship. He agreed but he said that I am different/we are different. And when I mentioned that maybe because of that we shouldn't stay together in one place he looked really sad and in the end we stayed together till the end and I tried my best to maybe lose his fears/make him feel comfortable and enjoy time with him - He has nobody to talk to other than his family and me, because he prefers to be alone and has no friends. so it meant even more to me that he spent so much time and seemed to like me. - He said I'm a gift to him, the biggest one in his life - He told me how precious I am to him - He said he wants to always help me - He called me "cutie" in my language a lot - We practiced our languages together - Towards the end he opened up more and became more and more comfortable with me, he also mentioned then that he doesn't know if he is deserving of a relationship and when I told him that he seems quite confused he admitted that - He also became more "close" Like hugs or cuddling (not more), like initiated by him - Sometimes he said things quite randomly/surprisingly, like when we were outside he one time said that usually when he is alone he feels nothing, but with me he is happy. Later he also said that multiple times again, that with me every moment was happy and he thanked me for that - He said he also feels guilty, but guilt is not a big reason to spend time with me, if he wouldn't like spending time with me, he wouldn't - Till the end I was in his phone as "My home " with a emoji with the hearts around the head - He made me a very expensive gift in the last night before I left (even though he mentioned that his job isn't that great etc), he thought about it from before I went there - he held my hand when we went to the airport - He said I shouldn't worry too much and we will meet again and can still text, call and maybe videocall
All this effort and how he thinks about me, but being so unsure about his feelings confused me so much. I always wondered why would make someone such effort even after rejecting someone and spend so much time? So I believed in his words and I thought he is just confused and very unsure about himself and his life, from what I felt.
After I left the country he wrote things like he wants to go home together and how thankful he is and happy he was etc. We still texted afterwards but I also always kept the hope, even afterwards. He said I can't change his decision easily, but why are his actions so different from his decision? I asked him clearly if we really won't be ever able to be together, because I thought it's easier for me to accept it and move on after a clear statement. But even the response to that was unclear. Because he said something like "For your sake I think it's right to say that this is right. But you also could feel my heart"
I left him a birthday gift before I left, becaus his birthday was upcoming. And he sent me pictures after opening and also longer messages how it's touching and to thank me a lot. And also saying that I am luck to him and etc. It made me happy that the personalised gift seemed to mean a lot to him. But some days later I noticed he texted less and his responds took so long. (for the first time in months) So I asked him if he is OK? And that I thought he maybe wants to not text that much anymore or that there is a problem.. but it made him go into lecture mode, that I shouldn't assume things, because that's not the case etc. So I felt a bit sorry to express my feelings but I also told him that he also can always tell me when he needs space or something and I just try to understand him better. But he also told me he wished I wouldn't try to understand better. In my case I think an effort to understand each other better is needed though for human relationships. He later also apologised in the middle of the night, that he never wanted to hurt me but did now and that he just doesn't want me to hurt alone anymore. And I also thanked him for caring about me (since his lecturing way is also one of his ways of caring and it also helps me).
He also said if he wouldn't want to text with me or value me he wouldn't do this lecturing and just not respond. After that we exchanged a few longer positive/appreciative messages for 2 days and onto my last one he only put a heart reaction and didn't reply anymore. He liked my story when I wrote a poem in his language which was about him (nobody would know) and saying he shouldn't be too hard on himself. He still looks at my story and didn't change the stickers on his profile (which represented us) etc. I wondered if I should reach out, because it's on my mind everyday too much. Since almost 3 weeks now. But I also said and did everything I could during our time. And I also want to give him space to figure himself and his life out because he spent so much time on me before and he seems very confused about what he wants in life.. I still don't think he is someone who just says meaningful things easily..
I feel like it can't be the end like this.. Do you think he would come back by himself after some time?

My ex with whom I am friends now asked me if I want to see his old poems written about me. We mutually decided that because we have known each other for almost 7 years we would be friends and respect boundaries (that protects us emotionally). So because he asked me a question I told him I don't want to because going back in past would not help us. And he reacted with how he feels rejected for having feelings.
Tell me something am i being wrong? I was not comfortable knowing it because I knew I would feel sad (again) and be troubled emotionally for days. I am already a people pleaser and it gets difficult for me to say NO. This time I tried and again felt bad.
This situation got me confused about the difference between keeping boundaries and being honest about feelings/reactions.
Edit : Thank you everyone for sharing your advice and perspective. It helped to think more critically and understand boundaries better. I will keep this in mind in future:)

Apparently, the EOC sources are out now so I can talk about it. I got Set 1. I’m worried my main question might have been too similar to source B. It was something along the lines of like “to what extent adults put pressure on teenagers to have high expectations for their futures in America.” I think I used some lines from source B to talk about how for my first claim that not all teens can even achieve high futures so it’s unrealistic. I used like 2 two pieces of evidence. My second claim was something about how it can be damaging to mental health and I used some lines from source B and I think the poem to talk about achieving goals and how it can put pressure on you. I used like 3 pieces of evidence. I forget how or which claim but I somehow talked about source D and how instead you should set achievable and realistic goals. I also use the MLK thing as a counterclaim about how some people think that high goals can be beneficial to students and achieving their futures But then I used I source D and the MLK thing itself to show that instead Teenagers themselves should be setting these goals. I brought every source back to how it affected American teenagers specifically, and how it would be adults putting on this pressure and stuff like that. Take this off with the grain of salt, I don’t remember if I use this evidence specifically, but it was also something along these lines. Do you guys think it was too similar to source or do you think I’ll be OK and even makes sense? I think my writing was good and I even read back after I finished to make sure there was no confusing wording, my citations were correct, yada yada. What do yall think?!?!

I have an honest question because I am baffled by it. I’ve had three intense relationships in my life that have lasted years, where the women were obessed with me. They wrote me poems, we told each other we loved each other within a month usually, and put each other before anything else.
I didn’t marry any of those people. I am now 33, been single for almost two years, and confused. I know some of these relationships weren’t the healthiest or realistic. That being said, it’s all over the place. The first obsession was in high school, she was my first love and now I view it a young love and not real love. Regardless it happened, and it lasted 4 years.
I won’t go into my other relationships but they were similar and the summary of intensity sums them up. Lots of sex, romance, etc.
Now what confuses me in modern dating is the ambivalence of people. I don’t like them and they don’t like me. They send me texts like “I’m doing tbjs if you want to come!” Meaning it wasn’t planned for me and it’s whatever. People date me, ask me out but they don’t inspire any intensity. So I talk to them once a week, sometimes forget about them and it doesn’t mean anything to me. And I don’t mean anything to them.
I also have dated dozens of other women where I don’t remember their names now and we just mutually ghosted each other. It was boring and it makes me ask, what is the middle ground? Is it passion or nothing? I don’t like dichotomous thinking. Is it slow learning of a persons interests, and does it exist?

Been down so long that it’s like Fuck the up now
Feeling as auxiliary as the random words between rhymes in a poem about crying
This time the thing you think you’ve lost isn’t just in your hand
Soak the moment in
You feel as confused and mistaken as one that checks for mail on Sunday
Off for five days straight so you could really use a day off
You axed around for trees but instead…
Oh dear dear dear moneys tight because My power of attorney I had to sell for a 5th it’s price for a 5th of McCormicks vodka last night
And even our milk man is out of man-milk
And the Dow has ceased to ch-ching
So back with I to the cabbage patch by way stork of course
It was all just a novel idea fancied but I simply could not afford it and I asked to be a girl anyway
So out with the bathwater to the yard again shame of the neighborhood
Oh towns’ Martyred goat
You were a sinew and blood pulp already before a soul had a moment to cast the first stone
Thoughts asunder Thoughts asunder

(May 12, 2024 - 11:17 PM)
I hope you never find this.
hi E----, it's me again., si migs. If you don't remember who that is, I'm the guy who courted you, who gave you letters and poems, who you called your "human diary". And I know it's been a while, antagal na rin nating hindi nag-uusap, hell antagal na rin kitang hindi nasusulatan ng letters. But this is the final letter, I'll ever dedicate to you and I hope you never find this. Actually matagal ko na tong gustong gawin, I could just never face the truth dati. The naked truth na takot akong bitawan ka.
Pero dati na yon, I'm all good and I've actually moved on na rin. Heck, di ko na nga talaga to dapat gagawin pero something came up and here I am.
I'm letting you go.
I know haha, it's quite ironic na ngayon ko lang nasabi 'to sayo kahit na ako yung nagsabi ng "please, let me go". It's hilarious and yes I admit medyo nakakalito (believe me kahit ako na confuse as to why ako ganito non). But naked truth, you were very hard to let go.
One, you're fucking pretty. Your pictures, your voice, your mindset, everything about you was beautiful, and maybe it was just infatuation or maybe obsessed lang talaga ako sayo.
Two, you were everywhere, nung time na blinock kita, which was 8 months ago (damn), I couldn't smile for weeks. Because everything beautiful reminded me of you.
It fucking sucks to be a poet, because it shed light to the truth of the saying that "you could never really appreciate beauty once you lose the person you love" and that's true because I loved you. When you were gone, I saw you everywhere, I saw you in sunsets, in flowers, in the clouds, even in songs, all I could think of was you, anything beautiful tol, nandun ka. And I couldn't enjoy anything for weeks kasi nga maaalala lang kita. I couldn't even enjoyn reading kase nung nakabili ako ng libro, I printed some of your pictures (photocard size) and used it as bookmarks, kase photocards talaga bookmarks ko. So for months talaga di nagalaw mga books ko and once I started reading them again, BOOM mukha mo, ang ganda, shet tiklop nanaman.
Three, you were my home. I've come to associate that term with you, ever since you recommended me that song on facebook. "oh home, let me come home... home is wherever I'm with you." Rest, solace, comfort, I found that in you. And as we got to know each other more, I found the freedom to become myself. Which is why I always felt safe whenever it was you. And likewise rin sayo, as you said noon.
But why I'm letting you go is because I realized that I didn't deserve the treatment you gave me. Throughout the time na nililigawan kita, I always felt alone. During that time I was always trying to rationalize why I felt that way and what I could do to fix it. But you can't rationalize emotions, you feel them. And that was my mistake kase I bottled it up but it eventually broke through me, then it broke me. I tried to communicate that naman, but nothing really changed, and lumala lang. Kaya yeah.
I'm done looking at it through rose colored glasses.
As you can see medyo nahirapan talaga akong mag move on kasi whenever I thought of you, all I could remember was the sweet moments natin, even if we had few. Never the sleepless nights, never the breakdowns, not even the times that I apologized because I was hurt that you couldn't have time for me. Listen I understand it now, how hard it is maging senior high. And I tried to understand it then. It's draining and minsan talaga nakakawalang gana makipag usap sa tao. But I tried naman, I adjusted, you know that. Saan ka man comfortable, sige dun tayo. Once a week nalang mag usap? sige goo.
I thought I knew what price I was paying but, that gradually crushed me. How I would update you throughout my day, fucking send 14 messages na may mga paragraph pa, only for you to reply with 4-6 messages, sometimes none. And yeah idk why but ako pa rin yung nag a-apologize nung time na yon. Maybe it's because of how I was brought up, but I considered it my fault that I was feeling that way.
I'm done apologizing.
Did you know that this letter has had about 7 drafts already, throughout different times I tried to write this final letter and I always gave up after the first paragraph. Wanna know why? Because in all 7 letters, the most recurring words were "I'm sorry".
"I'm sorry if you felt like you were responsible for my feelings" "I'm sorry I was hurt" "I'm sorry that I became a burden on you"
I always felt so bad after attempting to write this letter then, it was like having a knife to my neck. Well I'm done with that already. I'm done apologizing for things I shouldn't be.
Listen I'm not mad at you, I don't hate you, nor am I asking you for an apology. You're not obligated to do that to me. It's okay. We don't have to apologize to one another, I've forgiven you and I'm choosing to move on na. Not for you, and especially not for love, but for me.
How could you.
I just wanna address the whole telegram thing, cause I feel the need to. It was just a little insensitive kasi nga we weren't on the best of terms nung time na yon. Yun yung nag pa block ka sakin. And yeah you know naman what we were going through. Medyo nagulat lang ako na you just talked to me like that, so casually. I was hurting and healing at the same time pero damn. tas sinabi mo pa yung "kung tayo, edi tayo" line and that seriously fucked me up. Kase at the time I was trying to give up on that na, cause I thought you did too. Pero yeah, now I've given up on that na, I hope u do too.
(Also I told u non sa pasko mo ko ichat ulit kasi I wasn't ready to talk to you again that time. Pero you stood me up, so yeah, fun christmas.)
Move on too.
I know this may seem late but move on too, although I think you already did judging on your replies sa sayout ( i don't remember typing that, so it must be someone else). But yeah move on na rin and give up on the idea that we'll ever meet and be together. Kase I've given up na. I've grieved losing you long enough. I hope that you move on, find someone new as well, and hopefully see that person in your future. Good luck sa future mo, I hope you pursue engineering, whatever you choose to do, you have my support, as your friend.
P.S. I found God
Well more like he found me again, nung time na nililigawan kita, I was distant from God for reasons beyond you, pero I still had a little amount of faith. Kahit distant ako non I prayed for you on two or three seperate occasions, one of which (namention ko na to sayo) was on the same week I considered being an atheist. Back then I was asking God for a sign if you were the one and he never gave me one pero pinilit ko kase kaya yeah. Then, I would've turned my back on God's plan if it meant I would be with you. But now balaka jan I'm walking with the man who saved my soul. And same thing happened with this girl I like sa church. Man 10/10 talaga siya but prayer ko lang for the girl is "your will be done Lord". And I guess 'di talaga will ni Lord kaya I surrendered it to God, but man she's so pretty.
yun lang, oh and ang ganda ng buwan tonight.

Hi, this is my first post in reddit and subreddit Healthygamergg. Doesn't mean this post is less or more complex to read or write.
WARNING: HIGHLY DENSE NONSENSE IN STUFF HERE! AHH!! Warn!
Reason: Autism causes high levels of word jargon possibility. Some instances of the disorder will result in inability of capability of knonof of apwors. gjaaep[kf. I've been here for 15 years and english has been only language but no word knowledge! Thank ypb;./
At the age of 15, I have a ominous feeling of being internally old resulting into the feeling of 'too old for anything anymore', while also feeling that the world is not real, instead being virtual/digital or similar to the same reality-feeling dreaming, and that I am not real, instead being a controlled character (Playable Character) by an autonomous player, or a person from the future is using their dyson sphere (a device that covers a star for energy) to relive their far earlier, yet simple life like a dream. These two feelings, the first one like a depressive and anhedonic (without pleasure) symptom, and the second one looks like Depersonaliztion-Derealization Disorder, are not likely to be a normal feeling of a 15 year old. (Btw, the fact that this is my first post also doesn't mean you have less of an excuse to report in case of rule break. Teach me lessons! I am DERP!)
Here's a table of what might be my mental disorders (feel free to read only names, as critical amount of word stability is reductioned by matter multiplyed by speed of light squared minus energy):
Loading executive functioning...
WARNING! These words disintergrate into stupid soup sometime! I find it insulting to myself of the level of uncapability, so some of you may be annoyance at the level of un read!

Mental/Emotional Disorder	Amount of diagnosis (Any diagnosis listed here is worse representation of experience than experience of professional)	Likely linked Experience (sorry, no ability to show what disorder is doing)
Autism	Diagnosed with autism test by professional, mild presentation (powerpoint slide number two thousand and fininjps) !!NO WORDS!!	Constantly claiming they/I are more educated in autism than other kids who say autism or [other person] is so autistic. Commonly has a disconnect between thought of words and used words (I should use the words 'skill of communication'!). Rambling and poor writing skills (algj iaodyc9b!? ieeee??). Finds (meta jokes to be funny (Where am i?) )? Likely involved in the important process of random information hallucination and execution on nonsense.
ADHD	Diagnosed within autism test, mild and inattentive presentation. (Hypotheized to not be real by noone, but likely has a bad name) (My ADHD likely doesn't represent ADHD.)	Nonely applicability (N/A). Experiences the need of perfectionism while not perfecting anything. Stimulants have a minor effect on performance. Makes too many things to do and too little time for sequential follow through (~0 seconds of follow through per task)
Alexithymia	Semi-personal self diagnosis and trient-professional screener test from therapist that results were reasonably high. (this isn't even a disorder!?! Just a indicator of other disorders?) (Likely exists in me)	Ability to interpret emotions after possible emotions processed into one is not impaired, but difficulty with determining whether emotional state is null ("business as usual") or is somehow slowly accumulating with errors. Commonly results in "Ah, but i think about things in third person instead of say feelings" when talking to my therapist and in these current words.
Anhedonia	Personal, ominous, spooky, scary self diagnosis (skeletons). Likely mild persentation? IDK, i'm no good diagnonal. (Might exists)	(Context: currently using fluxotine (please go to lined professional for treatment plane), which likely increases energy, then confidence without directly affecting happiness.) Boredom! No likee gaem! Only want do good, fun work. No happy other! Still do videogame? Confusing gamer, good game! ERR10192: low writing process paios lnogs. Final word: BOREDOM!!!! End log of personality instance [redacted]. Note on the high levels of dislike in non-personally relative to or non-serotonergic activities, but dislike has not been able to be correlated with actual inability of action. This is likely on the basis that the dissasociative disorders don't allow acknowledgement of happy or unhappy, just unknown.
Major Depressive Disorder	Personal self diagonsis, (uh, uhm actually it's Mild Major Depressive Disorder). (as it's your major, huh? Depressive Disorder?) (Might exists due to unlikely remain)	Everything is just so dysfunctional! So stupid. The rock is stupid, the computer is stupid, etc. It's stupid because when I look at it as a tool, the few options for how to use it are too limited. Not even these disorders are smart, as they kind of just disintergrated for me when I lowerd my diassociation. Either that, or I'm too young and old at the same time for any of this "hur durr I am sad because I thought the world was stupid" I said to myself. Your experience may vary, 0/10, made me less depressed.
Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder	Personal unself not real diagnosis. If it was mild, it would feel more real, as if that's a real thing (Insert sterotype here, as if thats a real thing).	Wait, my therapist talked about this disorder as if it's terrible?!? AHHH! RUNN! Anyways, what was real again? Wait, You're telling me i'm in a? WOW! ...[more third person single sided conservation ensues] Apparently DDD is associated with disorders ("Mood, anxiety and personality disorders are often comorbid with depersonalisation disorder..." -NIH) Unpersonally, I don't understand the long term effects of having the higher comorbidity.
Decisive Historical Disasociative Trauma	This disorder doesn't even exist! These are just unreal words being made into abstract concepts by poorly connected neurons! This disorder is the decisive stage of highly disasociative historical trauma, and unless in the future is invented, it doesn't exist. However, the current autism expert in the local area of the keyboard producing these words predicts it might mean more than at first glance: not just nonsense.	N/A

Now that you are likely educated in undefined, let us (lettuce) go (please) back to the current topic: my depressive disorder that is so annoyed at my something?

Part two: What even is trauma?

Spoiler:>! Here's the spoiler: I don't know!!<
Hmm... I don't know?
2.2: What is historical trauma? What's your perspective on it?
Historical trauma is the trauma that affects people in the future due to being highly significant.
Based on the possible fact that trauma is passable by genetics due to the enabling or disabling of genes, find out more by looking at whatever Epigenetics (the process of researching the way the environment affects your DNA that isn't simply DNA sequence through evolution) is, I assume that the historical significance of a trauma makes generational and historical trauma last longer or binarly/linearly activate. This means bad for me, good for people who need to escape trauma back in day of tribal danger basics and maybe guide for trauma is good for people who need to escape trauma back in my day of digital nonsense that was clicky click instead of dyson sphere!

Part three: Doctor K! Alok! Kanojia! The timetraveling trauma is going to get me and other peoples!!

^{How spook.}
[Likely loss of any cognition of writen words at current locational timeline of word string. Barrier cross analysis reveals extreme errors. determinable action is to not care, as extreme disrepair is not solvable by non normal executable actions of the problems resulting in the writing issues in the place of the problem.]
Urga burga! (likely expresses anger, more a chant, likely a fake word) Once, I was this age. Then, I once typed out these words to a therapeutic value. I remembered the one time when I was 6 or 7, and a feeling that indicated something like anhedonia and or depression, a deep boredom of all things functional in my life, happened to me at the time of sitting in a chair at school. I apparently lost lots of energy after that, but the few memories that stayed and are still easily acessible without requirement of remindecontext clues don't really show the process, so I assumed it was just a slow process.
Soon after getting my autism diagnosis and inattentive ADHD due to the autism making me have speech delays, the therapist that was going to get me on the mental health help used the DSM-5 to show I had the mild Major Depressive Disorder. Going to the doctors who I was getting not-so-effective ADHD treatment at the time (it's more effective now), I was talking to a simple yet likely complex life of healthcare doctor about my mental issues, but they talked about Anhedonia and how that sounds like that, just that I was too young to determine plan of action for how to fix such a complicated disorder. Learning what Anhedonia meant, I went to school and summarized the five mental disorders I knew of me having at the time, which didn't have the Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder but had Alexithymia, inside of a text based reading app where you click on the buttons to learn about how the mental disorders affected me or something. Next, I learned about Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder, which when mentioned to the therapist, they thought it was not a normal thing, not normal at all for a child.
Next, I was getting more concerned how long ADHD medication would take to treat my problems. I already knew about HealthyGamerGG, but I hadn't yet gotten the guide to mental health. Also, I was getting more and more concerned about how long I would want to be treated with the problems. So, I got the guide, but when I eventually learned about Doshas, the three elements that abstractly represent how the mental disorders work, I found something spooky.
The Major Depressive Disorder I thought was so 'la lah lahh la!' was actually a cyclic process that brought inattentive ADHD when it was depressive, and somewhat depression when it wasn't. I understood this because it seemed as though if I didn't take action, it would threaten to make me sadder, and even when I did take action to reverse it, it would still require double the amount it requires to go from a downer to an neutral. This was also noticeable in that the Vata Dosha was being affected whenever I did this action, and I then correctly assumed it was because I was a Vata by how my Vata was always increasing for many of the actions I took, showing my personality to be equipped for that specificly. This showed how my Vata being inactive when the 'cyclic depression' was active looked like inattentive ADHD. Next, the cylic property of the depression made it obvious it wasn't Vata, it wasn't Kapha, so it was likely a Pitta depression in it's behavioral property. I noted that observing it's reasoning for depression or source brought my mind back to when I was 6 or 7 of age and had suddenly gotten the sadness, the world could've seemed illogical or nonsensical, but it almost certainly seemed without smart function, then without 'good' function looking back. I saw how the Vata was affected by the depression, so I thought that the depression was more the cause of it's symptom of ADHD instead of a symptom of ADHD. This meant it was surely easy to treat now, right?
So far, I haven't been able to get back to the pediatrican who perscribed the fluxotine, as that's later on in the week, but for now, one thing I know, is that the final plot twist of this EPIC poem... is that i'm likely traumatized from being Native American.

Part Finale: "KarateSnoopy1911, I am your Rescuer, Persecutor, and Victim." - Problems and inevitable drama triangle, showing...

^{"Oh no! it's me, something that can include everything else, and everything everywehere!" - Me, and somewhere else!
Drama really sounds like Dharma, but it's different because one is simple funny and one is funnily simple. "Anyways, what is trauma again" - Demoysis, the non-complete idea of a game I would make.
But wait! If I am meant to be typing about trauma... and I'm typing about nonsense... What happened to me??
Native Americans have problem. The Europeans are problem. How do solve Europeans? Nonsense! No able to solve europeans...}
Anyways, I was kind of rambling... Native Americans have been deeply affected by the mass removal of land, people, cultures, and normal well being in America. So far, I've been able to see three affected people in my family, who is my mother of my mom which had two alcholic parents and then seemingly had issues with emotional expression and processing, which then affected my mom, and my dad's father was also an alcoholic, in someway affecting my dad. This means there are three close people to me (my dad's father idk where he is, likely dud) who are affected by the introduction of problems and the coping mechanism of drinking alcohol without genetical adaptation. However, It's not as if even if the people close to me stopped being altered by issues of the past then all sad Native Americans would stop saddening.
I think my main concern with all of this is that I feel awfully similarly disasociative to my mom, being confused what my emotions are and then what that means for my depression that kept my inattentive AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder keeping me away from my depression that was kept in place by the trauma which was kept in place by the two dissasociative disorders... It looks like a big mess in a model, however I think the thing is that the more disorders are interacting, the less it's one disorder and the more it's multiple disorders that want different directions. The general problems in the Europe-like society with all those cars and those city closeness issues and the big clunky clunk house problem, then the digital device confusion of brain zap cause those general trauma errors be danger when no emotional smart.

Conclusion!!!

"Whats up guys!! This is influencer #1908672 making YOU really influenced or something! I want you to conclude that dissasociation is lead to bad or something!!!! What do you community think??? Bye!! I gotta work on myself and so many other problems that occur in weekends like the gaming and the look at the Trauma Problem Solution Plane 5d chess!! IF you liked this Autism interactive interesting Reddit Post, Keep it on here and blah blah blah blah...."
Alok Kanojia, release thine 5/20/2024 Trauma module to thy world!!!
WARNNIG. LOW AMOUNTS OF CRITICISIM NOTICED AT TIME OF CLICKING POST. NON COMPLAISANT WITH DIFFICULTY REGULATION #810697121-17876 WILL RESULT IN [???] AND [INDEX ERROR] AT TIME [INT OVERFLOW ERROR]
WARNING. HIGH LEVELS OF NON COMPLASIANCE WITH STANDARD LEVEL OF WRITING ERRORS. THE PUNISHMENT OF THIS IS [unknown] AND [index lost] AT TIME [no time context level]
Likely cause of error log naug8 was due to high levels of non complaisance with energy costly numero syntax error. this result in result in result in result in result.

Hi I made a video talking about a narrative I saw emerge from the book :)
This does spoil some of house of leaves, but this is one of my now favorite books because of the experience of reading it. I don't think there's many books that can both be confusing yet super engaging like house of leaves & personally wish it was more well-known today.
Also kinda curious what are people's favorite poems from the appendix?

I'm creating a lesson plan for a hybrid World History and Language Arts class for high-school level and want to begin the year with excerpts from Poetics to get the students thinking about how they can critique literature with more than just "I liked the characters" or "It was boring."
I'm also interested in bringing in some ideas from other topics as they come up in our core texts, and I found the section below that would be a good springboard to discuss logic/critical thinking. Unfortunately, I'm having my own problems arriving at the same conclusion as Aristotle, so I don't know how I could expect teens to get there.
(I have some ideas of where I'm going wrong, but in the interest of length, I'll just say that perhaps the word "elements" in the last sentences only refers to the elements of the "constituent parts," which must not be referring back to the previous paragraph?)

Epic poetry agrees with Tragedy in so far as it is an imitation in verse of characters of a higher type. They differ in that Epic poetry admits but one kind of metre and is narrative in form. They differ, again, in their length: for Tragedy endeavors, as far as possible, to confine itself to a single revolution of the sun, or but slightly to exceed this limit, whereas the Epic action has no limits of time. This, then, is a second point of difference; though at first the same freedom was admitted in Tragedy as in Epic poetry.
Of their constituent parts some are common to both, some peculiar to Tragedy: whoever, therefore knows what is good or bad Tragedy, knows also about Epic poetry. All the elements of an Epic poem are found in Tragedy, but the elements of a Tragedy are not all found in the Epic poem.

I want the students to make a diagram of the overlap and differences between Tragedy and Epic poetry, but I'm not sure I even know what my diagram would look like. I at first thought a Venn diagram because the first paragraph seems like they each have their own elements and shared elements. But then I get to the last sentences, and I'm confused because that sentence would indicate to me a diagram of concentric circles of Tragedy being inside Epic poetry (kind of like all bananas are fruit, but not all fruits are bananas).
Can anyone help me walk through this?

Don't be discouraged!

I recently saw some posts that appear to discourage translating the Zen text, and I think that is a mistake. There have been some fair points made, and some I think are unfair.
One of the first points I'd like to bring up is the fact that there is so many text which haven't been translated to English. The academics and scholars who are interested in these text haven't gotten to them, and there doesn't appear to be many interested to start with.
So do not be discouraged from examining text by studying the Chinese and bringing to light any insights you find there. In doing so I have found a richer cultural understanding connected with these texts that previous translated versions haven't included in their works.
With that said the question about qualification was brought up. I think it is an interesting question with some interesting considerations. In my view what I do is not all that different from a guy reading a book, and studying it in various ways using the tools at my disposal.

When I started working with text

Though my work with the Chinese text has been far more vast and extensive than anything I've done before, this isn't the first time I studied other languages to better understand a text. When I was a teen it was all physical work; sprawled out with various versions of the text, multiple physical concordances, pages of notations, quotes from various reference materials, and so on. All purely out of a personal interest in understanding the text and what was being talked about.

Modern translating

It used to be stacks of books, phone calls, and trips to libraries and book stores, to physically hunt down resources. Today, I can visit a couple of sites that host most of those resources in a matter of seconds and be deep into the text in minutes.
The resources available to you today, is lightyears beyond what was available to the guys in China over a thousand years ago, and certainly a significant improvement upon the resources available to the guys in the 60s through the 90s depending on the translator. Some of them had a high level of academic standard which could be achieved today online in a year or more. I do want to give them props, I know back then it was a massive undertaking.
You can see, for those who put notation or translator descriptions in their text, what their resources looked like. In some cases the resources we have with the internet dwarfs what they had access to.

How academics go about it

They go about it differently depending on their area of study. There are those who got degrees in religious studies, and the way they go about it differs from someone specifically studying the history of the Chinese language in the specific area and time one of these text existed.
Most will use all the resources available to them to produce a very high standard of precision and quality with their work. Though many of us may not have access to academic level resources, tools, and connections, we should encourage the highest level of standard we can produce if we choose to do the work. We may not achieve anything like modern academia can achieve, but if the text was translated long ago, or hasn't been translated at all, I see no problem in us trying to translate a text. If an academic, scholar or anyone more knowledgeable comes along and offers advice or becomes a resource, that would be awesome and we can improve upon where we started. One key working for us, is practice tends to improve the more you do it.

How I go about it

I do it as something I enjoy. I'm not trying to sell anything, not trying to present it as some high quality academic fixture. It's just something I enjoy doing and while I wait for some scholar to take up the challenge, I'm going to see what the untranslated text says, and may even check various English translations out of curiosity. Not only does it help me better understand how other qualified translators produced, but in doing so I have seen mistakes, mistranslations, misquoted names, and nuance that was clearly lost in the translation but is readily available information online today.
GPT AI it's a language model, that's what it does.
What that means is that the AI is suited to simulate an understanding of language based on its training. Using machine learning to simulate active talking and language comprehension. That fact makes it helpful for understanding what is being said in another language.
Current AI isn't remotely perfect at this. It makes errors, hallucinates, breaks, and has a poor level of consistency with its tone, style, and voice, as well as memory problems forgetting prompts. It gets confused a lot and is like working with someone who kind of knows Chinese, but has issues. Until I meet someone who is better at rendering the Chinese, I'll be using the AI to get a starting point in translating. There is a lot of nuance with how to work with it, but I'll give a few insights I have.
Create a small set of prompts and put it somewhere you can easily copy and paste. Keeping the prompt identical helps keep it going, whereas changing the wording around tends to confuse it more often.
A simple example of a prompt is: "We are translating a classical Chinese text into English renders. Make no additions to the text and keep the index tags in place."
Another helpful key is to limit how much you get it to translate in one instance. After you've translated a few thousand characters, open a new instance and start the prompt over.
One last note on AI assisted translating, after it has rendered a few lines of text, go back and post block by block prompting the AI: "Give me a break down of the characters including any character combinations you find." In doing this I have found quite a few cultural elements, names, or historical references that appear to have been unknown to a few English translators.

Beyond AI

Before I translate a text I try to research its history. Sometimes there is a wealth of knowledge on it, other times there isn't a lot out there. For example, finding the source for Cleary's translation of Foyen's poem "Sitting Meditation" took a lot of exploring before I tracked it down. I like to get an overview of what all is said about the text, and the internet sometimes offers rich insights into it.
After I look for English sources talking about the text, I do the same research using Chinese sources on the text. I use Chinese search engines to find Chinese resources about the various text, meanings of characters going back to the oracle bone script when possible, and the like. Depending on what I am doing, sometimes it involves copying simplified Chinese on the matter, and dropping that into the AI. It seems to handle simplified Chinese a lot better than it does old Chinese.
One last note on how I go about it, is that I also use Chinese search engines to find resources like encyclopedias, dictionaries, and Chinese to English translators. The site might be in Chinese and a little tricky to navigate, and the translators haven't been super useful, but it puts the idea out there for others to use in new ways.

Open source translation work. Transparency

I think it is highly possible for us to be a part of a new phenomena of our modern technology. For the average person 50 years ago or more, exposure to any of this took physically going to these resources. In our modern times, following the information age, we have entered the information overload age. Where there is so much information available to the individual that a child could spend every day doing research, and not nearly study it all before they die of old age.
Working together as a community is a way of socially digesting all this information by taking bite size tasks, collaborating with others, and improving the work by updating it as more information becomes available to us. An open source type project which opens up the text to a deeper understanding of its Chinese roots. Bringing all these resources together for community exposure, where this information may have only been available to academics a decade or more ago.
One final point is stay transparent. I'm no expert, but I explained a little about how I have gone about it. The result is presented as such. If anyone more knowledgeable about this wants to come along and take it up, give out advice, or point us in helpful directions as a community, add to it!
I welcome any feedback others would like to give on translating, as well as questions.
As always, much love.

20F, I have had gastroparesis for about 9 months. At first I could eat food in pieces, after a couple of months I began to eat only liquid food, soups and cereals in a blender, ice cream, in general, all soft food. Later, I began to develop allergies on my face, always in one place, and I gradually began to remove various foods from my diet. Now my diet is rice porridge with water, rice milk, potatoes, zucchini and cauliflower, only turkey as meat. and guess what? I'm tired. the last 2 weeks things have gotten even worse. I feel like there is a huge plug in my stomach that doesn’t even allow water to pass through. I'm very scared. I tried treatment with different drugs, followed a diet, exercise, and worked with a psychiatrist. I even managed to gain a little weight, because in 9 months I lost weight from 115 kg to 50. But now everything is just terrible. If I have breakfast with literally two spoons of rice porridge, then by the evening I simply throwing up of the same undigested porridge. my doctor insists on surgery, but no matter how much I read reviews and listen to people who did the g poem, they say that almost nothing has changed and sometimes they feel even worse. I'm confused and i don’t know what to do… I already tried to have surgery, but I had to refuse. I have post-trauma associated with anaphylaxis to penicillin, my doctor knows about this, and he decided to use this antibiotic anyway, telling me: the intensive care team is next to you, if anything happens they can help. so I had to look for another doctor. Tell me, are there people here for whom the surgery was successful? is it worth doing surgery? Any nutrition tips are welcome!! sorry for the long text, I wanted my situation to be clearer

Help me!!!
Hey. I'm a B.Com. (Accounting and Finance) graduate. I took the course without any proper plan. I wanted to study abroad, but it wasn't possible, and now I don't know what to do for my masters. Actually, I'm not interested in anything, and that worries me. I don't want to do something that stresses me or something I don't like to do. But unfortunately, I'm very struck. I have a little bit of interest in fashion designing, but I'm very scared to tell my parents about it. Since I have been changing my career ideas for so long, I don't think my parents will be fine if I say something now. People are recommending that I try for the NET. I'm ok with it because I have no idea of my own, but I'm not doing it because I want to. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I have very limited knowledge about things related to career. Even if I searched for stuffs, I just don't know what I want. I'm very confused. I'm also good at content, blog, creative, and poem writing. I also love to draw. But I don't know how to utilize all of this through a career. I want to do something fun, chill, or something that gives me a stable income. KINDLY GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.