Ridiculous french names

Heyyyy,
Looking for a genuine connection that will actually last pls🙏 if you’re only interested in short term chats please don’t message, I’m only interested in long term connections, someone I can talk to daily about random stuff and have fun with!
(Won’t reply to ‘hi’ or ‘hey’ be creative people🤣) I feel ridiculous having to say this but if your page is full of NSFW thirst traps and all that please stay away cos I won’t answer and it just takes me ages to ignore the requests 😂 If you do decide to message me please let me know where you’re from and your age, name would be good too! 😊 (I probs won’t respond if you don’t).
If you’re from the UK, USA or Europe then feel free to message me😊 - I am looking for someone to build a connection and relationship with, if that person comes along. I’m not really interested in platonic friendships. If you’re from another country you must be willing to travel as I can’t due to my anxiety! I’m just saying this now so nobody is wasting anyone’s time 😊
About me: - Bubbly, chatty, sarcastic, decent (but stupid) sense of humour - i love football (English football😜 guess my team! ) - enjoy casual gaming, animal crossing, Disney dreamlight valley, stardew valley. - love Disney movies - obsessed with true crime and anything horror related - love arts and crafts: diamond painting, scrapbooking, drawing, digital drawing… - have severe anxiety/agoraphobia. - pansexual
(Not interested in NSFW chats or couples, thanks.)
So yeah that’s me! If I sound interesting enough come send me a line, I am looking for someone to build a connection with not just a random conversation and then never speak again. Also I do tend to get on better with people that are also quite chatty and not too serious. Ages 21+ please. Me: https://imgur.com/a/aO0V8cu

Heyyyy,
Looking for a genuine connection that will actually last pls🙏 if you’re only interested in short term chats please don’t message, I’m only interested in long term connections, someone I can talk to daily about random stuff and have fun with!
(Won’t reply to ‘hi’ or ‘hey’ be creative people🤣) I feel ridiculous having to say this but if your page is full of NSFW thirst traps and all that please stay away cos I won’t answer and it just takes me ages to ignore the requests 😂 If you do decide to message me please let me know where you’re from and your age, name would be good too! 😊 (I probs won’t respond if you don’t).
If you’re from the UK, USA or Europe then feel free to message me😊 - I am looking for someone to build a connection and relationship with, if that person comes along. I’m not really interested in platonic friendships. If you’re from another country you must be willing to travel as I can’t due to my anxiety! I’m just saying this now so nobody is wasting anyone’s time 😊
About me: - Bubbly, chatty, sarcastic, decent (but stupid) sense of humour - i love football (English football😜 guess my team! ) - enjoy casual gaming, animal crossing, Disney dreamlight valley, stardew valley. - love Disney movies - obsessed with true crime and anything horror related - love arts and crafts: diamond painting, scrapbooking, drawing, digital drawing… - have severe anxiety/agoraphobia. - pansexual
(Not interested in NSFW chats or couples, thanks.)
So yeah that’s me! If I sound interesting enough come send me a line, I am looking for someone to build a connection with not just a random conversation and then never speak again. Also I do tend to get on better with people that are also quite chatty and not too serious. Ages 21+ please. Me: https://imgur.com/a/aO0V8cu

What have you learned, changed, enjoyed, adopted as a new habit through this boycott? I love reading through all the posts here, it's so uplifting and has been really fuelling my fire to see so many people working together on such a great movement - so I thought we should have a halfway-through-initial-terms party, (though I know a lot of us will keep boycotting far past May).
Share your favourite tips, lessons, and happinesses, and let's keep this going!
For me, my favourite things have been:

• Shopping local and seeing the direct line of where my money is going, eg, back into my community and directly to my neighbours. Something about seeing the owner of a store light up because you're shopping there and getting to know the people you share your neighbourhood with is so, so important and different from my usual experience of poorly treated, high-turn over grocery staff reminding me of when my partner used to work for a grocery and would come home just empty and angry every day. (Oh, and no discounts for staff on groceries. That's just awful. You won't even make sure your STAFF can eat? I digress)
  
• Finding better product and prices, not to mention a wider variety or product, by expanding my shopping habits
  
• Finding new brands of snacks! I have dietary restrictions and can't eat most name brand snacks. By shopping local, smaller, and checking out my local grocers I've found so many new snacks I frigging love. There's a little Mexican grocer down the street from me. The spicy candy is wild. I found some guacamole chips the other day that blew my mind.
  
• Shopping with my partner is actually fun now. We go for little walks, we see the local cats and dogs, we pass by our friends' places. Usually we just drive to No Frills, rush in and each take an aisle by storm before hurrying through self check out. It's nice to just walk through the neighbourhood and be like, "oh yeah there's a book/record store here, let's go in!"
  
• My favourite tip that I've learned, or rather maintained, through this as far as money saving is that bakeries and bagel spots sell their day olds for ridiculously good prices. Those are items that were JUST baked ONE day ago! You can get twice as much bread/bagels and way better quality just by scoping out the day olds section. I know this is common sense, but they don't have a day-olds at my no frills. Sometimes you'll see those carts of near-spoiled produce or super hard baguettes (I guess the baguettes aren't popular in my area?) but I am SUPER picky about my packaged bread (I'm sorry but most of it tastes like styrofoam and sawdust) and there's nothing better than recently baked at a way higher volume.
  

Happy Boycott, all! I'm so proud of you all for doing anything and all you can do. For those who can't participate due to food deserts, your involvement, sharing, support and voices mean so much to this movement - my sister for instance lives in a place where options outside of a 2hr drive are severely limited. I'm boycotting twice as hard for both of us!

Has anyone tried the Casin synthetic brushes? They are manufactured by German company Zahn, they let sellers put their own name on their brushes so it's not easy to know which ones are theirs, but these are marked Casin and Vegan. I am considering buying the french quill, I'd love to hear from anybody who has tried it or any brush in the Casin line 🙂
I'm adding a link to Zahn's site. https://www.zahn-pinsel.com/en/brushes/artist-brushes/water-color-brushes/casin-vegan-watercolour-brush-series

Previous
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So, if you’re just joining us, I work at a haunted zoo now. Since I’ve gotten some rest, it feels like I’ve got my head on straight, at least, so I’d like to continue where I left off.
I sat on the floor in the office after meeting the ghost until I’d settled my rattled mind (and realized I’d forgotten to ask her name, how rude is that?). I took a deep breath and got up off the floor. Walking over and falling into the rolling chair in front of the large screen of camera views, when I brought up the camera that covered the area in which I’d spotted her, she was still there, and it seemed she hadn’t moved an inch.
Sitting there, at a loss, I continued to watch her. The ghost hung around for another five minutes or so, appearing to look at a few things off-screen, though I’m not sure what. Then she walked off into the forest and left the view of the cameras. I wasn’t sure if she vanished into the ether or if she’d gone looking into the trees to look for something.
But that wasn’t the end of the job interview, so let me jump back there. It continued into what kind of animals the zoo had, with Andrew asking me how much experience I had with dangerous animals.
I took a moment to consider the question. “So, ah…I’ve been going hunting and fishing with a neighbor since I was sixteen,” I told him. “We always have to keep an eye out for gators, bears, and hogs. Then there’s snakes, of course…snapping turtles… Since I’ve lived here my whole life and been aiming for a job with wildlife for a long time, I know a lot about the animals in Arkansas in general. But good advice for all of the above is avoid them, so I’ve had encounters, but I don’t know if you’d say I have experience with them.”
“That’s fine,” Andrew said, nodding. “That’s an answer I’m satisfied with. Now, the ghost was the appetizer, Ripley; here’s the main course. To start with, the pay isn’t twenty-five an hour. It’s fifty.”
Staring in shock for a moment, I asked, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. But that’d be weird to post online considering what applicants think we need, so I halved it.”
“That’s… Okay, why?”
“The animals are already here. You just can’t see them.”
I stared at him for a long moment, some disbelief worming its way into my expression, before saying, “Sorry, what?”
“There’s a chance you’d naturally never see them, or at least some of them,” he continued casually. “It depends on both your genetics and how long you stay on the job. I can naturally see six of them, but that’s it. Suzanne can see all of them, and more. Some are what people would label demons or ghosts. Or magic. Mostly you’d call them cryptids. The ghost was just a warm-up; I mentioned her first because it never takes more than a week to see her if you work the night shift. If you manage to handle her okay, soon you’ll be able to see the animals too. The more time you spend on the grounds, for weird reasons,” he said, wiggling his fingers in the direction of the back door, “the more you’ll be able to see.”
“So, this…this is a zoo for cryptids,” I echoed slowly. He nodded once, waiting to find out what kind of reaction I would have. I gestured vaguely around the room. “If this is a hidden camera show, will you cut me a check for showing up and participating?”
Andrew coughed out a chuckle and shook his head. “No joke. There are a ton of stories out there that have been written to death, pulverized until they’re not the Grimm stories of old and instead they’re Disney films. A lot of those stories come from what some humans have seen. There are dozens of other worlds pressed up against ours, and occasionally things come through by accident. If they’re smart, they’ll lay low and then make their way back when they can. If not, they become local folklore until someone helps them back. I’m just from London, but Suzanne is from somewhere else. She hires people like us for this zoo. Humans.”
Sighing, I shook my head. “That makes no sense. Why would she hire a muggle for a magic zoo?”
Andrew burst out laughing at that, and then waited to gather himself before he continued. “Fair point, but this is less about magic and more about animals, and you’re missing some information that will explain it. First of all, if I misjudge an employee, and they think they can make bank by outing the endangered and valuable animals we have, it’s easy to relocate the zoo.”
“Because magic?” I asked.
“Exactly,” he replied, ignoring the thread of skepticism in my tone. “That means it isn’t the end of the world if that happened, though it is a pain in the arse. But second…let me ask you a question. Speaking of reality shows, say the Discovery Channel put out a call to replace Steve Irwin when he passed. Imagine they had a line out the door,” he said with a gesture, “of people who thought they had the skill and natural talent to replace him, to take on everything he’d been doing his whole life. How many do you reckon would lose an arm, a leg, or their life, by the end of the day?”
My lips parted in surprise and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re saying people from…wherever…they’re just as dumb as humans, but they’re worse, because they actually think they can handle these things.”
Andrew pointed the pen at me. “Things. Exactly. You called them things. Suzanne and her friends grew up with them and would call them animals. These animals have dispositions and temperaments that we’ve studied for as long as there have been scientists. Where Suzanne’s from, they know the weaknesses of these animals, and also they’re in enclosures here, even if you and I can’t see the walls because they’re invisible things called ‘wards’. If I hire someone who’s got magic on top of all that, they’ll have almost no instinctive fear.
“Everything here is nocturnal, and every one of them is a hunter. Some of these things? Humans see them and they pass out. Not that I want you passing out, but I need someone who is scared of these things, who knows to stay out of the enclosures no matter what. Not someone who thinks they can train them to do tricks, who gets close enough for them to grab a mouthful of hair and drown them. Once, we had a night shift manager injured, and once killed, because they didn’t take these animals seriously enough.”
Thinking back to the Sea World orca incident I knew he’d been referencing, I remembered wondering how someone at that level of her profession could be so careless as I watched the video on YouTube. It made sense when he explained it like that. I hesitated before mentally throwing my hands up and going all in. “So, why put this place here, then? If they’re endangered and also dangerous, why have a zoo at all instead of just a small reserve?”
He pursed his lips, looking disappointed in me. “Ripley. You know that already. You already said as much.”
Thinking back through our conversation, I said, “The rich humans who pay top dollar to see supernatural animals.”
“Not humans,” he told me. “But people, yes, and they are rich, and they’re making donations and spending their money on a ticket here because everything we have is endangered.”
“So…”
I just let my voice trail off and my mind started to drift. Andrew remained silent, letting me do so. There’s that thing people say, ‘I believe that you believe it,’ which is just a kinder way of saying, ‘Bullshit.’ Parents say it about closet monsters. Psychologists say it to people who say they’ve been abducted and probed by aliens. I wanted to say it to Andrew.
But I also wanted a job. If it meant working overnight at an empty zoo, that was fine. When it came down to it, especially when I took the tone of our conversation into account, this was a zoo specifically focused on preserving endangered ‘animals’, and it was allegedly doing important work. Also, if this turned out to be the real deal and I started seeing the animals, I would deal with it, just like I would deal with an enclosure that had a lion or tiger or gorilla. If it came with a ghost and invisible creatures, I really didn’t see what the difference was, if I couldn’t go in the enclosures either way.
On that note, I’d like you to imagine a kid who looks at a roller coaster, watching everyone screaming and grinning as they go up and down and all around and they’re like, ‘Heck, I could do that! That looks like a blast!’
Then they get on, the first drop hits, and they realize they’ve made a terrible mistake.
“All right,” I sighed. “I can’t say I’m going to turn down a job just because it’s going to be scary. Especially not one with this paycheck.”
Andrew smiled. “Awesome. There’s an adjustment process for anyone working here, similar to a dog that gets adopted, actually. I know the general guidelines of, ‘three days, three weeks, three months’ in terms of milestones, until they finally feel they’re where they’re supposed to be,” he told me, “and you can think of your time here along those lines. I really think you’re a great fit, and once you reach the milestone of working here for three months, I’ll officially consider you our new night shift guard. And I hope you’ll stay with us for many years.”
I nodded and smiled at the flattery of an employer wanting me to work a great job for them for a long time. I’d never had a dog, but those milestones were well-known among anyone who knew animals, especially dogs. The first three days, the dog is getting to know its new digs, exploring, and decompressing. At three weeks, they’ve gotten used to their environment and are starting to get comfortable with their surroundings and the routines of the humans they live with. By three months, they know the rules and follow them, they trust you, and they feel they are where they’re meant to be. I could only hope to be so lucky.
I saw the ghost two days ago and she has yet to make another appearance (for those who are curious, I asked, and her name is Leila), and I still hadn’t seen any animals. I did hear one, though, I feel compelled to note. A growling roar sounded from the lake on occasion, echoing across the vast zoo, sending a shiver down my spine. Whatever that animal was, it sounded gigantic.
Andrew said there was apparently a group that wanted to visit for a birthday and they were offering a huge donation, so he let me know they were making an exception and that this group would be walking through the park that night. That meant I’d be watching people watching animals that, as far as I could tell, weren’t there.
It was anticlimactic. Even the three people who came for the tour just looked like people, not like aliens or something eldritch from another dimension, and I stayed in the security office the whole time. Andrew was the one giving the tour. I watched them spend about five minutes at each enclosure, the hour or so that they were there passing without incident. It was clear that they were able to see all the animals, though, since they motioned excitedly at each enclosure and spoke to Andrew, who presumably answered any questions they had.
If they could see the animals, that was that. There was still that niggle in the back of my head, from my twenty-three years of life never encountering anything like ghosts or cryptids, telling me that this was ridiculous. Waiting for someone to knock on the door, a camera mounted on their shoulder, to tell me that it was a big joke and they wanted to see how long I’d play along. But from all I saw, this was a real place with real, invisible animals.
I do carry a taser and pepper spray in my capacity as a security guard. Though it isn’t for the animals, since they’re in the enclosures; they’re actually for the rare instance of a break-in. Andrew mentioned that it had happened several times it the past, someone trying to steal an animal in the hopes of selling it on the black market. They’d been successful before, but apparently my predecessor Roger was good at his job, and mostly they left in handcuffs.
I’ll be honest, I’m not a huge fan of confrontation, but my job was to call Andrew and then confront the person, not kick their ass. That’s what the police were for, or rather, the people Andrew would call in lieu of police in certain situations.
Fifty bucks an hour. That’s the key here.
Andrew hadn’t set up direct deposit, since he was sticking with a strategy of waiting to see if I’d continue to work there once I found out myself dealing with the animals (I’ve decided I am going to just call them animals). Instead, I got an old-fashioned check after my shift every Friday. The number on the first check was delightful. I went out that evening and had a big dinner at the local diner, order my most expensive favorites on the menu and a big slice of pie for dessert.
When it came to the paychecks in general, though, I had this weird feeling of not wanting to tell my dad and brother about the fact that it was actually $50/hr. I previously mentioned that my dad, his name’s Nathan if you’re curious, works at a local grocery store. Our town has a couple food franchises, but I think its size is just short of whatever threshold Walmart uses to decide where to open. He earns $14/hr. and that’s after the tiny raises he’s gotten over the past thirteen years.
That’s not to say he’d feel bad about not making as much as me. On the contrary, he would be ecstatic for me and really proud. But, like me, he’d be suspicious. That hourly rate was the biggest hint that this was more than just a private zoo for cryptids. And as soon as that fat check cleared without problems, my dad wouldn’t be satisfied with reassurances; he’d want to come visit the zoo and look around.
I’d told him it’s a private preservation with scheduled (expensive) visits only and that it had only eleven animals, so he’d been appeased by me brushing off the idea of a visit. Also, I took a few photos of my workplace; one of the security room, one of me sitting in my chair, one photo of the many screens I watched, and a selfie where I was feigning sleep out of boredom, slouched in my chair with my mouth open in a faux snore. That let him feel like he knew where I was and what I was doing, and that I was safe.
But if I told him I was making double what he thought, my father would practically order me to quit. No job was worth my safety, he’d tell me. I was quite of the opposite opinion, however, considering how crucial any and all conservation efforts were these days. Especially with the steep extinction levels due to humans competing with other animals for space, not to mention climate change. Working in any job that helped preserve species and keep ecosystems in balance, or put them back in balance, was so important.
Then again, my father would also point out something I had realized right away: the fact was that I was working with endangered species that were not from Earth. I wasn’t helping my planet. To be honest, though…that didn’t matter to me. Especially after that talk with Andrew about why he hired a human for this job, I figured whichever dimension these animals came from had the equivalent of us, razing forests to the ground, clouding the planet with pollution, and leaving the animals with no avenue of recourse when yet more land was taken from them.
I really do hope to keep working here for a long time, though, and not just because of the money. I can’t help it; I want to know what these things were, and I want to work with them, to do the job of a zookeeper. The same way you go up to the chain-link fence to get close to a carnivore on the other side who thinks you’d make a nice afternoon snack. You just want to be closer to them, to experience that incredible, daunting feeling of being in their presence.
Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before I got what I wanted.
The day after we had the tour go through, I was doing my sweep when I saw the ghost again. She was sitting on a small boulder in the same area I’d seen her the first time, looking identical, blood covering the front of her slashed shirt, the wounds visible underneath. I stopped and stood there for a moment before I decided to raise my hand in a small wave.
The young woman cocked her head at me and raised a hand in the air in an imitation of my gesture, her expression showing a bit of curiosity.
She was low-key, seemingly not concerned with my presence, looking at me as a novel phenomenon in her world. I wondered what that world consisted of. Was she always here, sometimes visible and sometimes not? Or did she have another world next to ours, in the ether, where she left everything in this world behind and floated in her disembodied form? Did she still feel emotions? Was that really curiosity on her face, or was I projecting? Did she feel happiness? Fear? Did she have the option of moving on, or was she stuck here?
Many questions that I might never get the answers to. And that was assuming Andrew knew the answers, since I’d never met Suzanne Cooper and he hadn’t even mentioned that possibility. This place was clearly her baby, but I’m sure running it was a lot of work. Plus, if she was rich enough to own it, she was rich enough to have other businesses and charities to run.
When it comes to the enclosures, they’re all wrapped by a barrier of some kind, though never one that seems adequate. There was not a single place with the ugly metal weavings of a chain-link fence, and no stretches of circular razor wire. Instead, there are nice fences. Black iron, or wrought steel fencing in a similar style to the one circling the perimeter of the zoo, just shorter and with different patterns. Or a spaced picket fence, the wood stained in some tone of brown, or a split two-rail fence. As if to say, ‘This is the border of your enclosure, but we’re just letting you know out of courtesy.’
When I started to pass enclosure number seven last night, a young woman’s voice spoke, “Hello.”
I startled, unaware that I hadn’t been alone. “Oh. Hi,” I said, staring at her standing a few yards in.
She had been next to a large tree and I hadn’t seen her. This enclosure was behind a picket fence, and she walked through the large area of wild grasses and flowers that stretched across the other side of the fence. There were fewer tall grasses closer to the fence, which I guessed was because it had been tromped down by her regular pacing along it when there were visitors, or if she wanted to see the various enclosures of the zoo. Her sudden appearance was a bit weird, considering I had been expecting to see a cryptid and instead I was looking at, it seemed, an attractive Asian woman.
She wore a black kimono, the soft silk robe draped gently over her body, with beautiful patterns of cherry blossoms, more so over her left side, and red and blue birds with their wings spread. A sash wrapped around her abdomen, she wore socks and sandals on her feet, and her hair was up in those rolls that gave volume to the style.
I was no expert on any fashion, much less that of another country, so I just assumed it was all traditional Japanese clothing. Most likely, the visitors who came liked to see a certain time-honored style and that’s what she stuck with. Or maybe she played on stereotypes. That would be amusing.
“I’m Yui. It’s nice to meet you,” she spoke, arriving at the border of the fence and holding out a hand for me to shake.
I’d been standing about three yards away from her, and I’ll be honest, muscle memory tried to kick in. But I only made it two steps, my hand starting to rise, before I froze, the hand falling limply at my side. “Nice to meet you, too,” I answered, my voice quiet.
Damn. I wonder how many times that honey trap works back where she comes from.
The pleasant look on her face faded, and she lowered her hand. “You won’t shake hands with me? Isn’t that rude?”
“I mean, I kind of like my hand where it is. You know, attached to me.”
Her demure smile widened into something more amused. “I would never do something so revolting.”
Looking her up and down, as if more visual information would give me more knowledge of what she was, I asked her, “What would you do?”
“I would be less wasteful,” she said softly.
A finger of ice trailed down my spine, and I had the sudden image in my head of her grabbing my outstretched hand in an iron grip and yanking me over the fence, leaving me to sprawl on the ground. Then killing and consuming me efficiently, without a single careless step, the same way humans slaughtered pigs, using everything from the hog but the squeal. I was struck with a shiver at the idea of her consuming everything from me but my screams.
Slowly, I took one step further down the path, then another. Just as I got to a walking pace, though, I realized the woman had started walking too, in the same direction. I’d have eventually gotten to the end of her enclosure and keep going, leaving her behind, but she spoke up. “Are you leaving?”
I came to a stop, meeting her gaze again. “My job is to walk the zoo every hour. Then I’ll get back to the security room and stay there until my next walk.”
“Have you met the others yet?”
I hesitated before saying, “Just Leila.”
She blinked languidly. “That means nobody welcomed you here.”
“Andrew did.”
She didn’t reply to that. Instead, she slowly started to lean forward, and I flinched backward a few steps further as I saw insect legs start curling out from her back.
No. Not insect. Arachnid.
The eight legs ended in small ‘paws’ with tiny claws, a layer of hairs covering the leg from top to bottom, like any typical tarantula. I took two more slow steps back and my mouth went dry as the jointed legs just kept lengthening, until they were large enough to lever her off the ground.
My gaze had been on the spider legs, but my heart skipped a beat as I realized her human legs had melded together and turned into a bulging abdomen. Her skin was shifting to a carapace, eventually all the way up to her shoulders and down her arms, her fingers elongating and her nails stretching to claws. From there down, her body was that of a pale tarantula with pedipalps the size of my arms and piercing fangs in her jaws that looked like they could take my head off.
There was a moment, my vision blurring, where I was worried that I might piss myself. The part of my brain that still had its humor intact in that moment told me that I should keep an emergency set of clothes in my car, or at the very least, start wearing Depends to work.
“I show you my true form,” she said softly, her voice now raspy like an eighty-year-old after a lifelong smoking habit. “Welcome to Suzanne Cooper’s zoo. The night shift guard for many years was Roger, before he retired and the zoo moved, and I miss him dearly. What should I call you?”
I choked on my words. There was no way my throat was going to cooperate enough for me to clearly get a sentence out. Instead, I realized my legs had taken control of the situation themselves, unsatisfied with my conscious brain’s decision to stand and stare, taking steps backward. I backed up a yard, then five yards, then ten.
My mind focused on the fact that spiders don’t waste anything, and pictured my demise. I’d be wrapped in a cocoon, killed, and made nice and mushy before she had me for dinner.
The whole time, my brain was a frenzied mess, my pupils were probably the size of dimes, and I was staring at that tiny, pathetic fence between her and me. There was so much adrenaline pumping through my body that I felt like my bones were vibrating. The fence was, to my eyes, the only thing between us. The only thing keeping her from tackling and killing me. My only hope was that she’d do it quickly.
But she didn’t move. As I absorbed her innocent, polite words, the look on her face was calm, and I wondered if this was typically the way a conversation went before she devoured her prey. I wondered how many people she’d eaten. Not humans, not people from Earth, but the ones from where she came from. The fact that she doesn’t scare the shit out of those people means they’re staggeringly dumber than humans.
Finally, I rounded a corner, both relieved at having her out of my sight and worried that she would take that moment to come find me. When she’d been within eyeshot, I had at least known where she was and could run in the other direction. But I didn’t hear the sound of faint footsteps moving rapidly toward me. All was quiet, in that deep, smothering way that only an empty business in the middle of the night in small town America could be.
My hands trembling, I barely paid attention to anything but the confirmation that my surroundings were free of the colossal spider as I finally got back to the door. Grabbing the handle and letting my eyes dart around for about ten seconds and my ears prick for the slightest sound, I finally swiped my key card across the pad and went inside, shutting the door behind me and engaging the backup deadbolt.
Maybe that was why they had decided on keycards. If I was running from something and panicking, using an actual key or inserting the card like at a hotel would keep me from getting to safety considering my hands were shaking enough to mix a margarita.
Walking over to my chair, I fell into it, letting my body flush itself of terror as I looked up at the cameras. There she was, still in arachnid form, exactly where I’d left her behind that rinky-dink fence, casually looking around and slowly pacing back and forth. I stared at her as my racing heart gradually slowed, and a minute or so later she turned on her eight legs and walked back into the trees.
Whatever invisible fences the enclosures have apparently work, which is nice, because I wasn’t keen on getting killed by one of the creatures here. And that’s what brings me here, spilling out everything that’s happened so far. Because nearly passing out from terror isn’t something I wanted to deal with at work, obviously, but I keep going over what she did in my head again and again, and I feel like I reacted like a child who spotted a wolf spider on their bed. I started to worry for my overactive sense of self-preservation, at least in my capacity as an employee here.
The spider didn’t even try to hurt me, and so I was feeling a bit foolish. Even annoyed, actually, at the fact that I’d freaked out so hard and took off instead of trying to engage in at least basic conversation. I got the sense that she wasn’t at human-level intelligence, but I was never going to be able to hold any level of conversation with an alligator.
Sure, she did mention that she wouldn’t be so crass as to yank off my hand because she’d rather just have my entire corpse, but wouldn’t a wolf do the same if it was hungry? Wouldn’t any carnivore? Actually, they probably would’ve been satisfied with one of my hands. The fear here was from the fact that she turned into a giant spider. If she’d turned into Clifford, I would’ve reacted the same way, if not better than, meeting Leila.
With that, I decided I’m staying on the job. Considering how frustrated I can get with foolish people, it’s a bit hypocritical, and I’m being a bit of an idiot. But…there are definitely wards keeping them in their enclosures. Also, I signed up for creatures for another dimension, whether or not I believed in them at the time, and I will not let encountering my first one in an objectively boring way be the reason I quit.
The money is a factor, I’ll grant you. Of course it is. And I can’t spend it if I’m dead, but all signs point to surviving as long as I don’t do anything dumb. Also, yes, I’ll admit there’s a not-so-little voice in the back of my head that’s desperate to know what else is here. I never thought I’d do something like this, but finding out these things are real, I honestly do want to learn more about them.
Still, though, I decided to call Andrew at the end of my shift to ask if the pepper spray and taser I carried worked on a certain spider, as well as the other animals I’d yet to meet.
​
Previous
***
/storiesbykaren

Long story short, my younger cousin is getting married. I knew she was wedding planning for awhile and yada yada she just sent out wedding invitations and it's happening in a couple months. Background I 31m rent the basement in my sister's house since we live in a HCOL area. It works for both of us. Every single person knows this as it's been a solid 3+years and they've visited multiple times. It's not a secret at all.
Last week, I saw a wedding invitation on my sister's table for her wedding. My sister is married and has her husband's last name. It was addressed to "The my BILs last name". My dad and sister have asked me about going and I told them if I wasn't invited so at the moment no, they said I'm being ridiculous. I told them I don't feel like I should hijack an invitation made out to my sister and her husband. This isn't a little kids birthday party, it's a wedding. I also pointed out to them that her brother just sent out invitations two months earlier for his wedding and he had enough sense to send out an invitation specifically addressed to me and one specifically for my sister. So am I wrong to feel like I wasn't invited?

Assuming the common races in D&D have a specific language, what language do you associate with them? What languages do you borrow from to name things in a "dwarven" or "elven" aesthetic?
Language is strongly associated with irl ethnicities, cultures, and history. I went with an all-Western European theme because I know the most about those languages and cultures and I think the D&D races would have a lot of interrelated and shared history.
Common - English
Dwarvish - German
Elvish - Irish / Finnish
Giant - Norwegian
Gnomish - Swiss
Goblin - Portuguese
Halfling - Spanish
Orc - French

Originally for the prompt "I don't wanna fight you, low-level bandit." Says the Lv.100 Hero, who killed the embodiment of space-time. "I wouldn't want to fight me, neither." Says the low-level bandit.
There's an art to robbing heroes. Pick-pocketing can work, but it's best to stick to the wizards with that. Too many warriors can feel nearby people, or smell bad intentions, or hear the beat of your heart, or have any other number of ridiculous senses that make very little sense when you think about them for more than a moment. That's how they got my first partner. Poor Rook.
Similarly, traps are an option, but chancy. Most heroes have been trapped many, many times, and obviously they got out of all of them, or they'd be called ex-heroes. And they always escape at the worst possible time, usually while you're weighed down with their piles and piles of gold and can't run away quick enough. That's how they got my second partner. Poor Rip.
Financial crimes are the safest, until they suddenly aren't. A violent bunch, heroes are. Your normal businessman will take you through the courts, giving you time to run away. A hero is just as likely to respond to light embezzlement with a lightning bolt, before you even know they're on to you. Poor Rob.
The most dependable method, of course, is the same as with anyone else. Beat them up and take their stuff. Heroes have an innate respect for forcibly taken property rights, seeing as they tend to be pro-looting themselves. If you defeat them fair and square and then rob them, they're far less likely to hunt you down and kill you later. Naturally, the only problem with this strategy is the aforementioned "beating them".
A violent bunch, heroes are, and they tend to be terrible at scaling back their power. More than one enterprising bandit has been turned into a smear, because the hero was too used to fighting dragons or giants and didn't remember how hard to hit a person when they want to take them alive.
But there is a work around.
Which is how I found myself waiting outside the Dungeon of Lepus Mortifer. The hero had gone in a week ago, and I drew my dagger with a grin as he staggered out. His sword was battered and missing the tip, his armor had more holes than coverage, and if all that blood was his, I'd be grave-robbing him by the time I finished my spiel.
"Hand over all your gold," I growled, tossing my dagger from hand to hand. It was a practiced move, and scared everyone. Well, almost everyone; a few laughed, but they weren't laughing now.
The hero was neither scared nor amused, and just kept trudging forward.
"Oi!" I darted in front of him, making sure to block his way. "I said, hand over all your gold. Or else."
He nearly walked into me before he noticed I was in the path. Slowly, he raised his gaze and let out a low groan. "Really? A robber? A low-level robber? Don't you know who I am?"
"Of course!" I was rather offended that that last question. Who did he think I was? "Wouldn't be much point in robbing you if I didn't know you were rich. Now, your gold, hand it over, all of it, or else."
"Look, buddy, it's been a long day, and I don't wanna fight you."
I chuckled. "I wouldn't want to fight me neither. Of course it's been a long day. That's why I picked it!"
He waved vaguely to the side, exhaustion clearly weighing down his limbs. "Look, just step out of the way and I'll pretend this didn't happen."
"I will, I will," I said agreeably. "But first, your gold." I poked my dagger at one of the holes in his armor for emphasis.
The hero sighed. "And I can't talk you out of this?"
"Nope."
"Please?"
"Never."
"Pretty please with a--"
"Gold. Now. Every coin."
A strange gleam entered his eye, and I tamped down my nerves. No one walked out of this dungeon with any tricks left; that was why I'd waited for him to enter the Dungeon of Lepus Mortifer, after all. Still, I braced for trouble as he said, "All my gold, you said?"
I didn't like the tone his voice. It sounded... off. There was too much happiness, and not enough 'oh no, I'm being robbed' in the words. But he was complying, so I nodded.
"Yep, all of it."
"Every coin?"
"Yes." This was taking too long, so I tossed my dagger back and forth again for emphasis. "Now, please."
The hero smiled, and I gulped. That was Heroic Smile Number 13, 'Pleasure at another's ironic misfortune'. I'd last seen that smile just before a hero threw my partner Jack a hundred feet straight up when he told them to put their hands up. Poor Jack.
Of course, everyone remembers him by a different name now. Poor Flapjack.
I was beginning to think that this was a bad idea, and was contemplating making a run for it, when the hero said, "As you wish."
"Don't throw me!" I screamed. "I don't want to be a pancake." I closed my eyes and cowered to the ground. When nothing happened, I peeked. The hero still had that cursed smile on his face, but I was alive, and not flying. Then a sound made me look up.
He had given me all his gold, it seemed. All of it. And it was falling quickly.
I did end up a pancake, after all.

Can I name my child Nonagon Infinity?
Me (39M) and my wife (38F) just had a child and I want to name him Nonagon Infinity (as a reference to the band). She didn't like the idea and we got into an argument and now I'm thinking about divorcing her. I think it's fucking ridiculous how she never lets me make any decisions for once. Please, do you guys have any advice? How can I convince her?
Love you Weirdo Swarm 🤟

(Thanks to SpacePaladin for creating NOP)
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Memory Transcription Subject: Elder Researcher Slira of the Vyr Exploration Initiative
Date [standardised Vyr time]: Day 102/321, Year 110
I remembered when they drilled to the top of Rime.I had been studying to be a computer engineer at the time, only a single course away from graduating. My home city of Frozen Perch had been chosen for the project, something that no local really paid any mind to. Almost no one believed there was anything to find within Rime’s depths, for she didn’t have any of the gifts her Sisters did. There was no ore or soil like Stone had, no warmth or light like Glow’s magma. Even Abyss held corrupted treasures of Tide’s life which members of her Second and Third Church used with enthusiasm to survive and thrive in places were the very water would crush you to nothing.
We all knew they’d give up after drilling up for a few kilometres and Vyrkind would be content that nothing lay above our heads up Rime’s endless ice, that reality was only so big and that we had explored almost everything that exists besides for some patches within the dark deeps.
I admit, I didn’t have much passion for my career of choice. I’d likely end up as a system admin somewhere, managing networks and improving what we already had, never creating anything new because we already built everything we needed.Born too late to explore the world…
When the engineers working on the drill reported that the ice was thinning, that they were getting faint signals from beyond… curiosity and passion ignited in my soul, in the soul of nearly every vyr that lived and breathed.The drilling project went from a boring little science project only a choice few geologists and industrialists held any hope for to a global event which caught the eye of all vyrkind.
I remember lying in my nest, surrounded by pillows and swaddled in blankets while my eyes were glued to a livestream of drill’s progress. My tail was playing with a tassel of a stuffed toy, which if I remembered rightly was modelled after my first pet, a grumpy but sweet crab named Admiral Cookpot.I remember the smell of burnt squid, because my father had been cooking a meal at the time and got distracted by world events, same as me. The only sound in my room was the tideheater’s propeller whirring softly.
I was too scared to breathe, worried that if I was too loud I’d scare away the most interesting thing that had ever happened in my entire life.And when the drill finally pierced the top layer of Rime I and every Vyr caught our first sight of a world beyond our little planet. The sky a black void so unlike that of Abyss, my eyes filled with the light of thousands, millions of…
Stars.
A luminous field as beautiful as any glittering reef or magma vent, uncountable jewels and embers. I stared at them for over an hour, until the blazing personification of Glow herself arose from beneath the horizon, which I’d later learn… no, discover was our own personal star.
I knew what I’d dedicate my life to then and there. My life’s mission would be to uncover the secrets of this strange new realm beyond Rime, which scientists named and priests baptised as Space.
-][-
It has been many rotations around our star (now named Beacon) since I was a young college student. I got a degree in physics and with my computer simulations I managed to not only chart the movement of celestial bodies, but predict their movements as surely as the currents. I hadn’t intended to become one of the founding mothers of the field of Astrophysics but I was more than happy to lead the charge, to explore this new frontier as thoroughly as possible.
Now I was being invited to a meeting of some of the most important people in my country, perhaps of vyrkind. Sure, I had spoken to some of them before, but only over text or video chat. Only ever about theories and possibilities.
Now it would be in a physical location, all in one big room, still about theories but now much more tangible, life altering things. And I wasn’t going to be an advisor or a consultant. Just as some people were seen as leaders of armies, planners of cities or managing agricultural regions, I was being invited as our foremost expert on… Space.
It was funny and terrifying how one can wake up one morning and suddenly realise you are a world leader, responsible for guiding the fates of every creature you or anyone else had ever met.
As scared and nervous as I was, this was no time for imposter syndrome. I was one of the oldest, most experienced astrophysicists on the planet. Of course I was, I helped invent it dammit! I was still as passionate about Space as the day I started, because it was the first time we realised what a day was. I had worked with members of fields related to mine for so long I was practically an expert at those too, including engineering.There is no one more qualified to do this than I, Elder Researcher Slira! Vyrkind needed me!
…
Great, now I also feel nervous about being too arrogant. Still, I managed to clear some of my self-doubt and packed my bags. I had an elevator to catch.
-][-
Castle Yarshu was absolutely filled with people, busier than I’ve ever seen it before. Normally it’s just a museum, filled with old relics from the time of the last Forge Lords. Technically it’s owned by the Ka’lai Militia though and their leader has made sure to keep it well renovated. It is that very leader, General Taraksus, that has invited us all to the Castle’s massive Roundhall, filled with trophies and spoils of conquests that exist only in memory.The hall’s centre stage was covered in posts, perches and seats for the over one hundred representatives the General had invited, with boxy camera drones jetting here and there to capture the discussion for all to see.Around the hall Vyr crowded and swarmed to get a look at us, even clinging to the pillars and ceiling to see the “action”. The castle and our meeting was open to the public after all, and anyone could enter as long as occupancy allowed and they brought nothing dangerous with them besides their claws and fangs.
From my perch I spy Taraksus sitting atop the old Forge Lord’s throne, on its headrest to be precise, discussing something with a fellow general curled up on the armrest and an aide lying at the foot. The seat itself was filled with a sponge-stuffed dummy dressed to fit any monarch, albeit with a sign around its neck with a slur word written on it in a language few speak anymore.
Taraksus themself wasn’t too impressive a sight, well below the size average for females and decently above it for males. Their only ornamentation was a black stripe painted over his head to create a striking contrast as it went over their eyes, and a chain which held a few dozen metal strips, each with the name of a fallen comrade written on it. Or so I hear.
Taraksus ends his conversation and takes up a spear from a guard, the rear of which he uses to stamp the ground.
“Pipe down you lot! I’m calling this meeting to order!” Their voice pierced through the cacophony with a clarity that surprised me.
“As ridiculous as it feels to say, we’ve been contacted by aliens. You all saw the translation broadcasted live from our friends over at the VEI. Suffice to say the contents of their message to us is… concerning. I’ve already forwarded recommendations to our R&D sectors to start working on designs for military spacecraft. Certainly not something I or most anyone else here thought or hoped would ever be needed. I’m hoping that the consensus we reach here will keep that true. Before any of that however I call upon one of the most prominent members of the aforementioned VEI, Elder Slira, to clue us in on the nature of what we face and go over her team’s conclusions.”
I quickly check the notes on my portable computer which my assistant Neeran had so kindly organised for me before erecting myself on my perch.
I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, coupled with the near oppressive silence. I took a steady breath, trying to gather my courage. “You can do it Slira!” echoed a voice from the back of the hall. The chuckles that followed was evidence enough that I hadn’t imagined it, and I felt some of my fears dissipate.
“Greetings, vyr from across the world. I’ll jump right to the meat of the issue and start with an analysis of the ‘Sivkit’ that spoke to us. One of the most startling discoveries we uncovered in our investigation was the incredibly high possibility of them breathing… gas.”
I spotted the ears of more than a few vyr shoot up in shock, including those of the stout administrator of the Vrental Commune’s heartlands, Ireni.
“Gasbreathers? Surely such a thing is not possible?”
“The footage clearly indicates a lack of liquid, and the sivkit’s chest is clearly contracting and expanding in a manner that indicates breathing. We could be wrong, but likely we are looking at an organism that defies our current understanding of how complex life can develop.”
I typed away at my computer, bringing up my second point.
“Next we have their next statement, something about us being Arxur…”
A delegate I do not recognise raises a claw.
“Do we know who these Arxur are? The Sivkit seemed ready to bolt at the idea of them.”
“We currently have no information on the Arxur. All we can extrapolate is that they are another sapient alien species, that we resemble them somewhat except for our eyes and that they represent a clear threat to the Sivkit. Also, for whatever reason, the sivkit mistook us for a prey species because our eyes are on the side of our heads…”
…
“That’s… no, I don't have a way to soften that, that’s stupid as shit.”
“It’s… not scientifically correct, no. But it made them mistake us for fellow kindred among the stars, their captain even going so far to gift us translator technology.”
“Was it a mistake?” Taraksus asks, seemingly in thought. “I mean clearly they mistook us for something we are not, but is it impossible for us to be kindred?”
I understood his question, and sadly had no real answer.
“I don’t know General. The kind of friendship you describe is a two-way street, and if they are not willing then there is nothing we can do. But that does not mean we can’t do anything about it. Diplomat Zhara, your turn.”
A vyr across the stage from me straightens herself. Her body is wrapped in colourful fabrics and her various bits of jewellery show a clear love of ornamentation and precious stones.
“Thank you Elder. The Sivkit Captain promised to return at a time less than [3 weeks] away. Irrelevant of any bigger picture, he seems to care mostly about establishing relations with us and getting access to the deposits on our planetary neighbour Turqo. Whether for personal wealth or aiding his kin, who’s to say. He seems to assume we are part of a larger civilisation, likely unable to sense us underneath all the ice and mistaking our surface city for some kind of local outpost. Whatever the case may be, our diplomatic strategy is simple: lie through our fangs and trade metal.”
An uneasy murmur fills the hall.
“I know, lying may come back to bite us. But we need to be cautious, we know nothing about these aliens and if pretending to be a larger civilisation of peaceful herbivores will put them at ease then so be it. In addition my friends in the industrial sector tell me we don’t have any need for such a vast amount of heavy metals, so mining the deposit and trading the resources to the Sivkit for what they have in abundance seems good business. It will also help further the ‘small mining outpost’ facade and aid us in getting more information about who these ‘meat-eating humans’ are.”
“Excellent! We’re right on time!”
A gasp passes through the crowd. My eyes dart around and my ears swivel every which way, trying to identify the source of the shout. The crowd of onlookers to my left were making way, clearly shocked at… some new arrivals? What under Rime…?
Two vyr had entered the hall.
The first was a small male, their body wiry and covered in scars. Even the tip of their flat tale had a V-shaped chunk cut out of it. A sash of black cloth covered in white pictograms was wrapped around his chest, and attached to the sash was a broad, bladed weapon almost comically large for him. The second was a rather average female, still almost twice the size of the male. Black robes and a hood hid her form, though I noticed a pair of silver reading glasses sitting on her snout and a… by Glow, was that a fucking tome? An actual book, with thick kelp-fibre pages and bound in Nesis bark.
My brain almost refused to recognise the two, but finally sense overruled logic. The male was Krattron, and the female was Kahltrak. The highest authorities of the Second and Third Churches of the Abyss respectively.
Krattron swam up to the stage, eyes brimming with what I could only describe as maniacal glee.
“Greetings, children of Vyrkind! When do we set out to hunt the demons of Void?”
Kahltrak follows shortly behind. I would have been able to hear her sigh from the surface.
“Hello delegates. We’ve come to pledge our aid, and to discuss how we shall be dealing with our enemies.”
[Previous] [First] [Next]

I am at my wit’s end. I haven’t had Chipotle in about five years and had a ridiculous week. I figured that they’re one of the more reliable and pleasant fast food experiences, so I ordered dinner for two on Sunday via the website. What has happened to me next since has been nothing short of Sisyphean. For anonymity and clarity, I’ll be referring to anyone from the customer chat as ‘Pepper’, including Pepper.
The staff was running behind when I got there but handed my bag to me directly by name. The sticker has my name on it. Got home — and the order was wrong. Someone else’s entirely. The vegetarian in my household suddenly had no dinner. Pepper gives me one entree, guac, and queso, via chat. That’s nice!
I go to order again, this time for delivery, and they aren’t able to process any online payments. So I order from Qdoba and I let Chipotle know there is a technical error. A few hours later, I receive two coupons for two more entrees. So now I have three entrees, guac, and queso. This is great and unexpected!
At this point, I’m very happy because I felt I was properly helped despite a rough few orders. But it was another busy week, so last night, I fired up the app and ordered from a different location. And this is where things collapse into pure burrito chaos.
I order my same order as before and apply an entree voucher with a tip. Hmm. The codes are all expired, even though the expiry date is a month in the future. Pepper and Pepper’s CS helper tell me that as a “one-time courtesy” she has placed a credit on my account for two free entrees. Which is great, but I didn’t need that, I needed new coupon codes for the vouchers I had. But — fine. So now I have four entree coupons.
It’s a different location. A brand new experience! I am told that upon arrival, they say that they accidentally made one order wrong, and are remaking it — they’re paying attention!! They care!! I am relieved and excited and very hungry.
The orders are wrong again. It is 11pm and I am once again, speaking with my new best friend, Pepper. But this time, Pepper’s helper is absolutely telling me that I am fucking with her for free food — she informs me that there are actually several vouchers in my account, which I knew, and she cannot add more. Okay, I get that, system limitations. Fine.
Can you refund my order? She cannot! But she can let the “leadership team” know how disappointed I am and ominously informs me that “the next time I am at that location, I will certainly not be disappointed,” but at this point, I’m looking at going to a third and new Chipotle if I absolutely must. She tells me to place the order in-person next time, which was not feasible for this particular two occasions. But, fine, Pepper, I’ll kiss Brian Niccol’s billionaire booty if it means my burrito bowl is correct.
I try to break the situation down further, and let Pepper know that the free vouchers are actually for several prior issues, and that I’d like to know what can be done on this occasion, given that once more, 50% of my household is again unable to eat the dinner I ordered. She repeats her stance on the leadership team in increasingly bizarre non-sequiters.
When will they get back to me? She has no idea! Will they reach out to me? Rest assured that your feedback is heard! Pepper, that doesn’t tell me if they’ll reach out to me. I finally release myself from Pepper after an earnest 45min of back and forth, trying to determine if there is any resolution beyond paying Chipotle money to randomly generate food for me, and I eat a bagel and I go to bed. I make the bagel for myself and unwrap it. To my surprise, it is exactly what I made when I made it, which confirms that I am not stuck in a strange, Chipotle-mutating reality.
So what’s next? Chipotle clearly thinks I’m bilking them one $20 burrito at a time, and I am absolutely astonished at the level of insanity that I have had to jump through to simply let someone know that I need a complete and correct order placed so that I can pick it up, digest it, excrete it, and move on with my life. I have spent more time communicating with Pepper this week than I have with my own parents.
I need to be released from this hellish Chipotle time loop. I don’t even want Chipotle anymore. I don’t want free Chipotle or compensated Chipotle or randomly-generated Chipotle. I want real currency so that I can purchase food at a completely different place and never, ever think about Chipotle again.
Chipotle: this is systemic and clearly affects you on a corporate level. Disciplining your underpaid workers for issues occurring on a corporate level will not suffice. Four issues on the website, mobile app, and at two separate store locations is so embarrassing to see. We used to love you in grad school. This is disgraceful and depressing, and I wish your leadership team a lifetime of incorrectly-cooked steaks and badly assembled sandwiches.

PART ONE THOUSAND AND TWELVE
[Previous Chapter] [The Beginning] [Patreon+2]
Sunday
Lucas stretched and yawned in bed, taking a moment to enjoy the complete lack of needing to rise before his hand stretched out in search of Boyd.
And once again, that side of the bed was empty.
Biting back a whine of dismay, Lucas rolled until he was face down on Boyd’s pillow, breathing in the cologne they both now wore. The detective in him quickly deduced that Boyd had been gone a while based on the chill in the sheets. He curled his hands around the pillow and hugged it tight, wishing it was the big mountain of a man himself instead of this weak substitute.
As thrilled as he was about Boyd finding a new career that he was so passionately driven about, he was equally happy that his fiancé took his responsibility to his clients seriously. Still, would it have killed him to sleep in just one morning instead of abandoning their wrecked bed the morning after their engagement party?
After several minutes of wallowing, he finally accepted the inevitable that no amount of wishful thinking was going to make Boyd appear and climbed out of bed. He removed his snore rings and took a quick shower.
Once he was dressed, he felt a little better.
The next thing he had to do was strip down the bed and remake it. They’d been very busy last night, which was why he’d only just woken up at—his gaze fell upon the clock— DAMN! It’s nearly lunchtime!
“I’m gonna kill him for letting me sleep in so long,” he muttered under his breath, carrying the linen through the apartment and into the kitchen, which doubled as a laundry on their end. After nine years of living in this layout, he didn’t need to see over the pile in his arms to know precisely where he was, and with the load balanced on one arm, he turned at the right moment, opened the massive frontloading washing machine and stuffed it all in.
“Hey, Unca Luke!” Maddy’s shrill voice had him leaping into the air, slamming the door shut and swivelling around in front of it to hide the evidence. “Didja pee the bed?”
His brother and his niece were sitting at the island, Maddy with her breakfast of honey-and-cream-covered waffles, which were only half-eaten, and Levi patiently waited for her to finish since the plate in front of him was empty. The latter was grinning at him as only a brother could.
He’d forgotten all about them staying over.
It took a hot second for what Maddy asked to register with him, and when it did, his mouth dropped, and he glanced at his brother, who was twisting himself into a pretzel to avoid laughing out loud. Asshole. “No, Peaches,” he said, glaring daggers at Levi for not even trying to help him out. “Boyd and I like clean sheets every day, and it’s not fair to make somebody else wash them for us, is it?”
Bright red ringlets of hair swayed as the little girl shook her head. “Daddy makes me fix stuff too.”
Lucas moved the three feet between the washing machine to his brother sitting in Mason’s seat at the corner. “That’s because Daddies always know what’s best.” He wrapped an arm around his brother’s neck in a loose chokehold and gave him a noisy morning kiss on the cheek. “Ain’t that right, Daddy?” He said that last word in a sultry purr the way Robbie would, and the reaction from Levi was priceless.
“Fuck off with that shit, you prick!” his brother swore, shoving Lucas away with all his might.
“DADDY!” Maddy squealed in horror, and Lucas clapped his hands together once behind Maddy’s chair and raised his clenched fists in victory. He’d been angling for one swear word, maybe two to distract young Maddy from his not-so-discreet linen run. Three was a veritable home run.
Snickering quietly to himself, he went back to the washing machine, loaded it up with soap and softener and turned it on. Then, he walked over to the wooden box under the window. ‘Just think what you want,’ Charlie had told him at the party. ‘It’s a Nascerdios box that Robbie fills up throughout the night.’
He stared hard at the box while he considered his options, settling on a plate of breakfast tacos with seasoned mince, fried eggs, tomatillos, shredded lettuce, and cheese wrapped in soft tortillas buttered with a thin spread of mashed avocado.
After the last month, it didn’t surprise him in the least when he opened the lid and found that exact meal sitting there, waiting for him. Maybe the quantity, since they were piled three high, but not the meal itself.
The same could not be said for Levi when Lucas turned around with the plate in his hand. “Robbie had that ready for you too?” he asked, as Lucas grabbed a glass from the cupboard and placed it and the plate in his regular sitting place adjacent to his brother before sliding into his seat. He knew Levi wasn’t questioning Viola since the box itself was made and gifted by someone with the last name Nascerdios.
The veil was an ass.
“I told you; he did most of the catering yesterday, too,” Lucas said, reaching for the jug of juice. He was curious what it would be today. Yesterday, it had been orange and mango juice, with apple the day before.
A quick sniff made it most likely grapefruit.
He tightened the roll on the first taco and lifted it to his lips, enjoying the flavours that exploded in his mouth. Because Levi had finished whatever had been on his plate, he was watching him eat as if he’d never seen it before. It finally clicked why. “You want to try one?” Lucas asked, nudging his plate towards his brother. “There’s plenty here if you want one. Too many, if anything.”
Levi didn’t need to be told twice and reached over, using his fingers just as Lucas had. “How did he learn to cook so well?” Levi demanded, almost fitting the whole thing in his mouth.
“He’s always cooked,” Lucas answered, fudging things slightly. “When he was growing up, cooking was his chore while his mom was at work. He only stopped because Mom refused to let him help in the kitchen.”
“I would’ve fought that a lot harder if I’d have known he could produce this.”
“Yeah, you and me both, bro. Even when we were upstairs, he was forever watching the cooking channels for new ideas.” Lucas didn’t want to mention that these days, Robbie only did so to critique the so-called experts. “Have you seen Boyd?”
Levi shook his head. “I was assuming he was still in with you. If I’d known you were in there alone, I’d have sicc’d Maddy onto you.”
“I can wake Daddy and Unca’ Austin good!” Maddy said proudly. “I gets me a dolla’.”
“Ssshhh, Peaches. That’s out secr—wait. Does Uncle Austin pay you, too?”
Maddy was adorable the way she looked at Lucas like he would intervene for her. “Sorry, baby girl,” he laughed, eating another taco. “You’re on your own.”
The two brothers bantered as Lucas ate, with Levi stealing another taco, bringing Lucas’ total number down to five. Maddy told them both about wanting to be a vet, and Lucas knew precisely who to blame for that. Still, it was better than her previous choice of ‘stripping’ the way Robbie and Angelo used to. Levi’s meltdown over that revelation had been priceless, even if he, too, was firmly in the ‘fuck that noise’ camp.
When he polished them and half the juice off, he poured the last into Maddy’s cup and put his things and the jug in the dishwasher. “You can hang out here if you want,” Lucas said. “The guys and I are heading out this afternoon to play some ball over at Angus’ place, but if you call Austin and find out Pepper’s roommate is still with him, the TV over there has…”
“Every cable channel imaginable, I know. Charlotte—”
“Charlie.”
“Charlie told us last night.” Levi sat back in his seat and stared at his brother. “What do you make of Larry, Luke? Does he have kids?”
“Why?”
“He watched Maddy for me last night while I was having a shower, and Maddy loves him. You know how picky she is about people she doesn’t know.”
“I know he’s married to a career soldier and was one too before being assigned to us. I’m not sure about his past, but he’s a good guy and ridiculously protective of those either in his charge or that he happens to care about.”
Levi grunted. “Charl*—lie* said so too. He certainly knows his Spongebob.”
Lucas squinted. “Why all the questions?”
“Just thinking out loud. If he’s going to be here all the time with Robbie, and Austin and I get called into the house together, it’s always been a struggle figuring out where we can leave Maddy on short notice. We don’t exactly have time to drive all the way over to Queens to drop her off at either Mav’s or Mom and Dad’s. I mean, so far, we haven’t needed to, but it’s a constant concern.”
Lucas frowned at him. “We’ve been here for years. Why didn’t you ask before now?”
Levi seemed suddenly uncomfortable. “You know…” he said, gesturing to the ceiling without finishing that sentence.
And just like that, Lucas did understand.
Six men, all sharing one shoebox-sized apartment with two of them being sex workers, was not where anyone would want to drop off a little girl. Even if Lucas did vouch for all of them and swore they’d all be protective as hell over little Maddy. “Look, I can’t speak for them specifically, but Charlie’s here under house arrest for the next ten months, and Boyd now works out of his studio, so technically, someone will be here all the time. There’s not a chance in hell we’ll turn you away.”
“I’ll ask her and Miss W before we go.”
Lucas looked at what the two of them were wearing. “You know, I could duck out and grab you and Maddy some clothes just as soon as I check in with Boyd, if you like.”
He watched Levi look down at the shirt and boxers that were a little big on him width-wise and across at Maddy, who still wore Charlie’s favourite Giants’ shirt.
“That’d be good, thanks,” he admitted.
“I’ll get extras, and that way, she can have a few changes of clothes here. Actually, do you want me to grab you some spare stuff too?”
Levi stiffened in his seat. “I don’t need you to buy me clothes.”
Lucas wanted to slap him in the back of the head (and would’ve if Maddy wasn’t there). “Stop,” he commanded instead. “I’m already going to a clothes shop. It’s not going to be anything fancy, and if you hate it, you can swap it out with your own stuff later.”
Knowing his brother was still uncomfortable, Lucas waved his hand at the kitchen. “Seriously, Levi, look around. Look at how I’m living, and I’m not paying a dime in rent. Llyr won’t let me since we’ve been looking out for Sam for years. Let me do this for you, so you’ll always know you and Maddy have somewhere safe to go.”
Levi glanced around, his lips tightening before he finally nodded, unwilling to say the words out loud, and Lucas clapped him on the shoulder. “We’re family, dumb-ar—dumb,” he amended, with little ears sitting on the other side of his brother. “Dumb-dumb. I meant Dumb-dumb.”
Levi chuckled and patted his brother’s hand. “I appreciate it, bro. We’ll chill here until you get back. Don’t rush … apparently, you have a gazillion cable channels to choose from, and Maddy doesn’t want to leave until she’s seen them all.”
“I don’t think you’ll live that long,” Lucas laughed and headed back to his room to grab his gear since he was now leaving the apartment. As he clipped and slid everything from sunglasses to his wallet, keys, phone, badge bifold, and ankle-holstered BUG, he almost envied women with carryall handbags that could be grabbed on their way out the door.
Almost.
* * *
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I’d love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
I made a family tree/diagram of the Mystallian family that can be found here
For more of my work, including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF BOB THE HOBO TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!

Hey y'all!
Just wanted to give a quick summary of various things that have happened over the last 1.5 months on synysuggestions:

• Please welcome to the SYNY fam, Allie C. Esq! 🥳 Allie is a Massachusetts-based attorney whose expertise and diverse legal background is matched by her excitement in helping to get SYNY legally prepared for publishing. I can't say enough how lucky we are to have her on the team. (And if you ever need an attorney, please DM me, I will happily send you her way.) Once again, welcome aboard Allie!
• Some subtle but big art improvements are coming for the 2024 season! Expect way more "blood" underneath all of the colors this year, on every single page. 🤤 Left is 2023, right is 2024 so far—the difference is ridiculous. (And yes, SYNY gets stars this year. 😂)

https://preview.redd.it/l11615p3li0d1.jpg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c2817b8188c43759cb9bcd23292fbde6b341c241
https://preview.redd.it/l0k2h3l6li0d1.jpg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f132cace39d84cc3111287d1cb1311d8ae087640
https://preview.redd.it/49rz5zi7li0d1.jpg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b96bcccb102c3d76c6fbb4d05139a7384fb280a1
https://preview.redd.it/spxcl1v7li0d1.jpg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f8e35e90007f24d260930d00ba37258a01e1d545
https://preview.redd.it/44wnib48li0d1.jpg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=61bdda46c2b18bb783693ba277afece93ccfcbdc

• In synysuggestions is this post here, linking to a public PDF of a proof-of-concept on how SYNY might be most quickly brought to print. I can't say it's what SYNY will look like in print, and I'll keep many of the hairy details out of here and let them stay in that channel, but what it means is additional art may be coming to SYNY, and some existing art may be condensed for the book. (These condensations will almost certainly not have to be made for the web, so no worries about losing any art.)
• In addition to seeyounextyear, and after getting some permissions from various subreddit mods, I'm super stoked to say SYNY will also be "airing" on these fine T.V.channels subreddits for the 2024 spooky season!
  • werewolves NEW
    • (actually waiting for a community poll to close in a few days, will update once we know 🤞)
  • hellsomememes NEW
  • comics RETURNING

Full transparency: this week, I am contacting various print agencies to get quotes on what it would cost to get SYNY printing. I'm trying my damnedest to keep it cheap, but... ~400 pages is a lot of ink and paper. 😂 We'll see how things go, but no matter what happens, I'm staying positive and staying excited, but ready to explore other creative options as necessary for bringing SYNY to print to keep prices sane.
All things considered, I am already so insanely hyped for this year. I think about SYNY almost every single day, like an obsessed fan. Hell, I probably never will truly feel like I made it, and that I just get to be its easily excitable ambassador. But regardless of what is and what seems to be, I really feel like the most blessed person on earth to be able to share this story with y'all.
And finally... much love to y'all, fam. 🧡 It's great seeing and talking with you. I've seen a lot of names, and sadly my brain doesn't really hold them all in like I hope it will, but make no mistake: I do remember you, and I'm so, so glad you're here.
Here's to an even bigger, better, happier Halloween. :)
⁊ᶜ

Me (39M) and my wife (78F) just had a child and I want to name him Soy-Protein Munt Machine (as a reference to the band). She didn't like the idea (is she stupid?) and we got into an argument and now I'm thinking about calling the police on her. I think it's fucking ridiculous how she never lets me make any decisions for once. Please, do you guys have any advice? How can I convince her?
Love you little Feet fetish weirdo they/thems🤟

DISCLAIMER: Sorry this is a day late. I ended up having to rewrite half of this. Still, I hope you enjoy. After this, I'll be going on my hiatus. So I hope you like this last little bit of Roo-family cuteness. Thank you all and keep on keepin' on!
​
Special thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating the NoP universe.
​
I'd also like to thank u/xskipy10 for their awesome fanart of the main cast as well as their recent Tohba meme and their fanart of Michael baysitting. You're work is a treasure!
​
Thank you as well to u/Accomplished-Golf-59 for his take on Michael, Teylim, and Tohba in his submission for the Banner Art Contest, and u/Spacer_Catgirl4969 for their awesome music video featuring a pixel-art Dohkar in his bar. Be sure to give ALL of these awesome creators your love and support.
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And let's not forget u/Guywhoexists2812 who has been an awesome source of memes as well as sick pixel art, such as THIS and THIS!!!! And even THIS!!!!!! And how could I forget THIS!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!
​
Today, we see all the reasons Teylim has to keep going in the face of adversity. For when all is said and done, love truly does conquer all. LETTUCE...begin...
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Original Story
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[Accessing Camera Function…]
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[Accessing Saved Recordings Function…]
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[Play Selected Recording?: Y/N…]
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[Playing Recording!]
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[The camera opens up on a female Yotul with a satchel over her shoulder. She is walking backwards down a paved walkway while looking up at the person holding the camera…]
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“Alright! Soooo…here we are in… Michael tell us where we are!”
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[The person holding the camera gives an audible sigh…]
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“Do I have to, Tey?”
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“Yes! Come on, it’ll be fun!”
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[Another audible sigh is heard before the person begins panning the camera around the surrounding cityscape…]
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“We are in the beautiful, literally ALWAYS sunny capital of Dayside City!”
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“And what would you say we’re doing here in Dayside City?”
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“We were just at the Public Records building getting our paperwork verified.”
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[The Yotul woman is seen reaching into her satchel and pulling out a leaflet of documents…]
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“Oh! You mean THIS paperwork? Hmmm… I wonder what these might say… Mind helping me here?”
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“Seriously?”
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[The Yotul doesn’t answer, instead shoving the documents directly into the camera. Another, more amused-sounding sigh is heard…]
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“It says that your name has been officially changed to ‘Teylim Andrews.’”
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“Mmmmhmmm. And what about this one?”
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“That one says that Tohba’s name has been officially changed to ‘Tohba Andrews.’”
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“Aaaand why do you suppose that is?”
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[A shuffling sound is heard and the camera shifts as the person holding it pulls out their own papers…]
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“Probably because according to MY paperwork, while we’re still waiting for my Application of Citizenship to go through, I, Michael Ruiz Andrews, am now the full, legal, son of one, Teylim Andrews-”
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“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!!!”
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[The Yotul woman darts forward, wrapping the person holding the camera in a hug. The camera is set on the ground and the face of the person is now visible. The two hold their embrace, rocking back and forth…]
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“I love you so much, my joey…”
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“Love you too, Ma…”
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[Recording Ceases…]
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[Play Next Recording?: Y/N…]
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[Playing Recording!]
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[The camera opens on a small kitchen area where two beings are sat eating. On the left, a male Yotul infant in a high chair is munching away at a human food identified as “Cheerios” spread across his tray. On the right, a male human idly stirs at a bowl of cereal while tapping away at a datapad…]
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[Eventually, after munching down another “Cheerio”, the infant catches a glimpse at the human and stares for approximately one second before his tail begins wagging…]
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“Mikey?”
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[The humans attention is broken away from their datapad and immediately focuses on the infant…]
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“Yeah, Bud?”
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“I WUV YOOOUUU.”
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[The infant’s sing-song voice seems to make the human smile before he leans forward, planting a “kiss” on top of the infant’s head…]
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“MmmMUAH! Te amo, mi hermanito.”
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“Whaz dat mean?”
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“It means, ‘I love you, Little Brother’. Want me to teach you?”
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“Hmmmmm… OKAY!”
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“Okay.”
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[The human chuckles slightly before scooting his chair in…]
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“Okay, so when you want to tell someone you love them, you say, ‘Te amo.’ Okay?”
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[The infant gives a curious ear flick…]
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“Teeeh…Mo?”
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“Close! Here. Repeat after me. Te…”
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“Teeh…”
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“Ah…”
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“Aaahh…”
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“Mo…”
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“Moh!”
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“Te…ah…mo…”
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“Teeh…aaahh…mo!”
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“Okay! All together now. Te amo.”
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“¡TE AMO!”
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[The human excitedly gets up from his seat and embraces the infant…]
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“YES!!! You did it! Awesome job, Bud!”
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“YAAAAYYY!!!! ¡TE AMO, MIKEY!”
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“MMMUAH!! ¡Te amo, precioso hermanito!”
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[The camera jitters slightly and a muffled giggling is heard. The human turns to face the camera…]
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“Ma? What are you- Have you been recording this whole time?”
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“Just a little!”
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“Must you record everything?”
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“As a matter of fact, yes!”
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“MAMA!!”
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[The camera zooms in on the excited infant…]
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“Hello, Precious! Is your big brother teaching you Spanish?”
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“UH-HUH!! ¡TE AMO, MAMA!”
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“Ooooh, that is just ADORABLE! Can you teach him to say ‘Mama’ in Spanish, too?”
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[The camera pans over to the human, who raises an eyebrow. After a moment, the human smirks and gives an exaggerated shrug while shaking his head…]
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“No tengo que hacerlo. Él ya lo sabe, mamá.”
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“Pffft! Smart aleck.”
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[Recording Ceases…]
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[Play Next Recording?: Y/N…]
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[Playing Recording!]
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[The camera opens up facing a pair of beds in a small room. On one bed, a female Yotul is sat with her infant in her lap as a male human walks into frame carrying a brightly wrapped gift box…]
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“Merry Late Christmas, guys!”
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“Merry Christmas, Michael!”
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“Mewwy Kwizmuz, Mikey!”
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[The human kneels down and hands the infant the gift box…]
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“Sorry this gift is a bit last minute, but I managed to grab it while I was out with ‘Nel the other day.”
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“I’m sure it’ll be perfect, Michael.”
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“I hope so. Go on, Bud. Open it! It’s for you!”
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“OKAY!!!”
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[The infant rips away at the brightly-colored paper, and with help from his mother, lifts off the lid. The infant then excitedly starts bouncing up and down and reaches into the box, pulling out a bright-red plush…]
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“WED TIWFISH!!!!!!”
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“Oh, Michael! How? When?”
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“I had to ask around online if anyone else had plushies from the aquarium ship, and I managed to find a guy here in Dayside. There’s…still a lot of things we lost at the house that need to be replaced, but I figured this would be a good start…”
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“It’s perfect.”
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[The three embrace and hold it for several seconds before pulling back…]
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“BUT! I’m not done with gifts just yet.”
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“What?”
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“Here. Mind handing me your pad?”
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“Sure?”
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[The Yotul hands the human her datapad as he pulls a small drive from his pocket and plugs it in. After a moment, he smiles and sits down on the bed next to the Yotul. She is then seen gasping and covering her mouth with her paws…]
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“Michael…”
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“I overheard you on the phone with Aunty Triv, talking about how you wish you had some pictures of me when I was younger…”
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“How on Liern-”
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“It’s…a long story. When I was first taken into foster care after getting rescued, I was assigned a social worker to help me adjust. And after I got situated with Dad, he stayed and helped us out from time to time. He basically became like an uncle to me after a while. And since Dad didn’t really have any other family, whenever he wanted to share pictures of me growing up, he’d send a copy to my social worker. I’ve…been back in contact with him for a little while now, and it turns out he kept them.”
​
“Oh, Michael…”
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[The Yotul and human lean against each other and embrace…]
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“I love you, Ma.”
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“I love you too, my joey.
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[Still leaning against each other, they begin to swipe at the pad, presumably looking through pictures. After a few swipes, The Yotul begins chuckling hysterically…]
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“Aaaawwweee…”
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“Crap, I forgot about that one!”
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“Who’z dat?”
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“That’s…me, Bud.”
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[The infant looks at the image for a while, still holding the bright red plush…]
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“Teeheehee!! Fuzzy Mikey!”
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“Can we please just swipe to the next one?”
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“Wait. I’ve seen those kinds of human garments before! Aren’t those for…LITTLE…little joeys?”
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“Look, I was a very emotionally stunted kid and I just thought they were comfy, alright?”
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“This is SO going on the desk.”
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“Please no. Any of them but that one.”
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“Nope! It’s already decided!”
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“YAAYYY! FUZZY MIKEY!”
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“God, ‘Nel’s never gonna let me live this down…”
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[Recording Ceases…]
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Memory Transcript Subject: Teylim Andrews, Yotul Accountant And Loving Mother Of Two
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Date:[Standardized Human Time] February 1, 2137
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[Warning: REM Sleep Detected: Transcript May Be Fragmented Or Incomplete…]
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Crrreeeeaak…
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My eyes slowly squint open as the noise rouses me from sleep. I let out a yawn before looking for the source of the noise. I’m…back in my house… Sitting upright, I see that my door’s been opened, beaming The Dayside’s permanent daylight into my room. I was confused for a moment. The only other person here that would be here is-
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“Uuuuhhmm… M-Mrs. Teylim?”
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I looked down, and spotted the culprit.
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Standing in the doorway was a small human child, cradling my Tohba in his arms. He was silhouetted from the daylight behind him, the light beaming past his adorable onesie pajamas creating a small blue outline around him, matching his eyes.
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Strange. For some reason, I thought he was taller…
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“Michael, sweetie? What’s the matter?”
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Still carrying Tohba, Michael made his way over to the bed.
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“Uuuhhhmmm… Tohba h-had a n-nightmare…”
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“Ooohh, is that so?”
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Something definitely didn’t add up. As he gently handed Tohba over to me, he certainly didn’t seem to be having a nightmare. In fact, even now he was still sleeping peacefully.
​
Michael, on the other paw, was DEFINITELY out of sorts. He was nervous, fidgeting, wrapped up in a self-hug, and even now, refused to even look at me. Whether that was because of his nervousness or if he was still convinced I was afraid of him had yet to be seen.
​
Stupid, ridiculous, Federation dogma…
​
I could tell he wasn’t being honest with me. Ordinarily, I would’ve been upset about him lying, and even more so about him disturbing Tohba, but looking at him now, I knew what he needed now wasn’t a scolding.
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“Michael, you know you can be honest with me. Was it really Tohba who had the nightmare?”
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I heard him nervously gulp as he tightened the self-hug around himself. After a moment, he shook his head.
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“Mm’mm…”
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I gave a tired, but loving sigh before holding out my free arm.
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“Come here.”
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With some hesitation, he stepped closer, allowing me to pull him into a hug. Michael had a lot of issues. From what I learned from his social worker, he’d been terribly abused by his previous mother and he’d lost his father only a few years after moving in with him. And now, with Earth under attack, he simply didn’t have anywhere else to go.
​
It will take a long time before he’s fully comfortable living here, I know that. I’m still not even entirely sure if I’m what he needs. I still wonder if I know what I’m doing when it comes to just raising Tohba. Even so, I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t try. He deserves a home, and a mother who loves him. All children do.
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“I'm sorry for lying…”
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“Ssshhh… It’s alright. Do you want to talk about it?”
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“It was…the one with the scary fire people…”
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Oh…THAT dream…
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Exterminators.
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“I don’t want them to come… I don’t want them to-“
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“It’s okay, joey. They won’t get you here.”
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“No! That’s not… That’s not what I’m scared of…”
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I pulled back slightly, allowing myself to look directly at him. He sniffles and sobbed while trying to wipe away tears.
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“You’re all so nice to me… \sniff** I…I-I don’t want the fire people to hurt you… I sh-shouldn’t be here…”
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My heart broke in two. This poor child had already lost so much. It only made sense that he’d be afraid of losing us too.
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I cupped his face in my paw, wiping away his tears.
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“Michael Ruiz Andrews, I don’t care what you might have heard, but you have every RIGHT to be here. And if those scary people out there think they can come and take us away from you, they’re wrong. I will never let us be separated. You hear me?”
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“. . .P-promise?”
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“With all my heart. You’re MY joey now, and I won’t let anyone take you away from me.”
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At last, Michael finally unwrapped himself from his self-hug and instead wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my fur.
​
After a while of holding him, he’d finally calmed down enough to speak again.
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“C-can I…sleep here tonight?”
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Your joey needs you.
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Yes.
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“Of course.”
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With some effort, he climbed up onto the bed and curled up next to me. I knew I most likely wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep, but that was fine. Just laying here, holding my boys in my arms. That was enough.
​
One after the other, I gave both my joeys a lick on the forehead.
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“Goodnight my joeys. I love you.”
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“Wuv…you…Ma…ma…”
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“. . .Love you too...Mom…”
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I love my boys. I love my family. I love…my life…
​
[Transcript Time Progression: 4 hours…]
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Beebeebeebeep! Beebeebeebeep! Beebeebeebeep!
​
[Warning: Subject Regaining Consciousness…]
​
My entire body protested as I twisted and turned over to tap the alarm on my nightstand. My claw slapped blindly at it until finally, the agitating alarm was silenced. My eyes squinted open, revealing…I was back in our motel room…
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Well…a girl can dream, can’t she?
​
It was a pleasant dream, I’ll give it that. As I sat up, I let my legs dangle off the side of the bed as I stretched myself out and let out a yawn. Once my eyes had fully opened, and the fog had been blinked away, I was immediately met with a sight that warmed my heart to no end. My still fast asleep, and back to being tall, new son, curled up with his baby brother on the other bed.
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Precious boys. MY precious boys.
​
I did my best to remember if Michael had anything scheduled with Khornel for this paw, but nothing came to mind. He’d been working so hard lately, helping to keep us above water. Now that he wasn’t a refugee anymore, we were no longer receiving stipends from the program, which meant from here on out, keeping the bills paid was much more difficult. And that’s not even mentioning having to put aside anything we can to be able to eventually have the house rebuilt.
​
I kept trying for a while, I still couldn’t remember anything. For the first time in a decent while, he had a paw off.
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Good. I’ll leave him be then. He’s earned some rest.
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I let out one more yawn, before getting up. Unfortunately, while Michael didn’t have to work this paw, I wasn’t so fortunate. Thankfully, my recent injuries allowed me to continue to work from home instead of going out to the physical office. After one last stretch, I let myself slide off the bed.
​
I had to give myself a moment once I was upright. While my previously broken leg had healed for the most part, I still needed to be careful of how much weight I put on it. Once I was ready, I began walking to our small kitchen area. The fridge was nearly empty. I’d need to go to the store soon.
​
Thank goodness we’re staying in Soulroot, where literally EVERYTHING is expensive…
​
After cutting up some leftover fruit and strayu for myself, I went back to my desk. It was impossible to not notice the small stack of colorful books on the ground next to it. They were human kid’s books donated from the embassy here in Soulroot. Tohba would be ready to start going to school in just a few short cycles…
​
Will we be able to get out of here and back into our house before then?
​
Sitting down at my desk and booting up my pad, I found it hard to stay focused. There was still so much to do, so much to worry about. Before, when I was feeling overwhelmed, I’d have Loh, Dohkar, or Trivah there for me. With them around, it always helped things feel more manageable. But now…now I was alone again. Loh was gone. Dohkar and Trivah were stuck on the other side of that damned fence…
​
What are we going to do?
​
My head lowered. I stared blankly at the desk, partly wishing I could look through it at ANYTHING other than my work.
​
But then, there was a glint, just out of the corner of my eye…
​
I looked up, and saw something that I couldn’t help but smile at, something that even when I’m feeling low, reminds me why I have to keep going.
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I reach out…and grab the two small frames off the corner of my desk and hold them in front of me. In my left paw, wass a framed picture of Tohba, the paw he was born. So small. So precious. So perfect. And in my right, was another picture. It was my new favorite picture.
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A small, human child…in fuzzy, blue, onesie pajamas that matched his eyes.
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My Michael. Still so small.
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These two pictures. My boys. The villains outside could take everything else. So long as I have my boys, I will always have a reason to keep going.
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I love my boys… I love my family… I love my life…
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The End

The Atlantic: Screwworms once killed millions of dollars’ worth of cattle a year in the southern U.S. Their range extended from Florida to California, and they infected any living, warm-blooded animal: not only cattle but deer, squirrels, pets, and even the occasional human. In fact, the screwworm’s scientific name is C. hominivorax or “man eater”—so named after a horrific outbreak among prisoners on Devil’s Island, an infamous 19th-century French penal colony in South America.
For untold millennia, screwworms were a grisly fact of life in the Americas. In the 1950s, however, U.S. ranchers began to envision a new status quo. They dared to dream of an entire country free of screwworms. At their urging, the United States Department of Agriculture undertook what would ultimately become an immense, multidecade effort to wipe out the screwworms, first in the U.S. and then in Mexico and Central America—all the way down to the narrow strip of land that is the Isthmus of Panama. The eradication was a resounding success. But the story does not end there. Containing a disease is one thing. Keeping it contained is another thing entirely, as the coronavirus pandemic is now so dramatically demonstrating.
To get the screwworms out, the USDA to this day maintains an international screwworm barrier along the Panama-Colombia border. The barrier is an invisible one, and it is kept in place by constant human effort. Every week, planes drop 14.7 million sterilized screwworms over the rainforest that divides the two countries. A screwworm-rearing plant operates 24/7 in Panama. Inspectors cover thousands of square miles by motorcycle, boat, and horseback, searching for stray screwworm infections north of the border. The slightest oversight could undo all the work that came before.
A reminder that civilization takes work. Excellent piece by Sarah Zhang. Read the whole thing.
Hat tip: Stone Age Herbalist.
The post The Screwworm appeared first on Marginal REVOLUTION.

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Last night I went to a LoTR trivia night at a local bar. My fiance and I held in pretty good for a while but the questions got ridiculous after while and turns out I need to up my nerd game!
Anyways our team name was "shelob me, shelob me not" anyone else have some funny lotr names? We were cracking up at some of them.