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TrueOffMyChest, a place for people who need to speak their mind
2013.10.21 08:59 chupacabra_whiskey TrueOffMyChest, a place for people who need to speak their mind
A place to get personal things off your chest. Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching.
2019.04.28 02:18 barney_chuckle Making Music With Minecraft's Note Blocks
A subreddit for music, songs, pieces, tunes, etc. created with note blocks from various games, including Minecraft.
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2024.05.14 00:38 craftytoonlover I may be a petty jersey, but at least I got away from a "toxic" friend.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
submitted by craftytoonlover to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
2024.05.14 00:33 craftytoonlover I may be the A-H and a bit petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
submitted by craftytoonlover to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
2024.05.14 00:29 craftytoonlover I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
submitted by craftytoonlover to ProRevenge [link] [comments]
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
2024.05.14 00:21 Similar_Zebra4973 My sister's behavior is getting worse and worse. What should I do?
My sister(17F) is the baby of the family and has been treated pretty well since she was a child. We already noticed that she was a bit different when she was younger, she cried every day until she was around 14 and was pretty confrontational. Every few day an argument would spark up and sometimes(but very rarely) it would get physical. It was excused as a quirk she just had(since I was also a bit of a rowdy child who argued a LOT) but it was only these past few years that her behavior began to get worse. She started become more argumentative, cursing a lot, and began to treat me(18F) and my siblings(all 20+) condescendingly and talks down to us.
She began to leave home to visit her friends in the neighborhood or go out with her friends, which was allowed as long as she alerted my mom to where she was going. However, when my mom didn't want her to go to an event with her friends, she contested the refusal which led to a huge argument. A few days later, she snuck out and worried everyone in the house. I had to call all her friends to ask where she went. When she eventually came home, wayyy after the sun had set, she was angry that we questioned her on where she was and why she left. Another argument happened and she ended up upset that we told her that her behavior wasn't appropriate for a Muslim girl. This was the first of three times she snuck out without permission and they all ended the same, her believing she was a victim and wasn't at fault at all.
More recently, like I mentioned earlier, her behavior towards me and my older siblings is completely out of line. Sometimes she treats us as if she expects us to wait hand and foot for her, ordering us around and making snide comments about us. I caught her wearing my clothes without permission 10 TIMES, all of which I asked to to tell me first. She didn't. I had to resort to storing my clothes in my older siblings room, which is usually inaccessible to her, to prevent her from wearing them any longer. Ive also caught her stealing my snacks before, though i just let it lie. Arguing with her is extremely tiring and just make the mood of the house go down. She also uses brushes and products that my siblings bought with their own money without telling them, and sometimes finishing it from them all together. We all know it was her because she is the only one interested in styling her hair. Its also one of the reasons we(me, her, and some neighborhood friends) are late to school almost every day. I should have suspected something was going on at that point because I had already caught her with her head covering half off or showing her neck/chest.
She is especially interested in asking which of the siblings are the most attractive. She even asked our parents that question multiple times. She begins arguments that blow out of control over the smallest of things. A couple months ago, she was upset that I was using the family TV to watch a show and tried to order me to get off so she could watch herself. When I pointed out that she could use her chromebook or phone, she replied that she didn't want to. She only wanted to use the TV. I also had my own devices I could have used, and would have if she was watching something with another one of my siblings, but her command didn't agree with me. Even so, I was willing to let it go so I told her that I would finish the rest of my episode(20 minutes) then hand it over. As you probably guessed, if turned into argument because she wanted to use it at that exact moment. My oldest sibling had to interfere because she was just about screaming the whole house down. It wasn't a one time thing either. I rarely use the family TV since I have my own devices and almost ever other time I use it, she suddenly has a problem with me doing so. Whenever I point out that she can watch on anything other than the family TV, she always doesn't "want" to, even when I'm trying to watch with another sibling.
There is this one specific incident that sticks out to me where she crossed my boundaries. While I can't remember what the actual argument was about, I remember the result. I'm not good at arguing at all, nor am I comfortable doing so despite how many I get into. My older sibling asked her to talk through the issue with me with I was happy to do, but remember, I'm not good with words. I asked her to talk through text instead so we could cool our heads and sort through our thoughts. She protested at first before agreeing. While I was typing out my grevienxes and trying to fix the problem, she plopped a chair in front of me and tried to talk it out with words instead. I left obviously and was extremely upset that she crossed my boundaries like that. It may seem minor but I couldn't help but notice that she regularly crossed my family's boundaries after that incident.
One of her most extreme changes was the way she dressed. She began to favor more tight dresses and occasionally pants(my family is not in the school of thought that allows wearing pants only). Since I go to the same school as her, I witnessed firsthand how she would go out of her way to hide the fact that she wore pants only from my mom, from wearing a skirt to school just to take it off later or covering it with a long cardigan. She knew for a fact that my mom would be upset and tried to hide it. When she was eventually busted, a long argument following it, she promised not to do it again. She tried to be more sneaky about it, especially around me, but I eventually caught her once again. Me and my siblings resorted to hiding the pants for a while but eventually had to return them.
At this point, we had multiple interventions just for her behavior. She even had behavioral therapy scheduled even if she protested going sometimes. I'm not sure if she is still going to this day. It's no surprise that she had some oddities with her behavior since my whole family is on the spectrum, but everyone else calmed down with age. She just takes it to new heights.
The final straw was when me and my siblings found her on social media when she left without permission, again. She blocked us and anyone that followed us from all her social media accounts, which should have been suspect. Turns out, she was wearing tight, figure revealing clothing, showing her hair, and her neck and chest were on full display. Almost all of the videos were her lip syncing to music with makeup on. One that especially shocked us was a suggestive video she posted. Note that her accounts are NOT private, so anyone could see this. She knows that doing all that she was doing is haram given that she tried her hardest make sure we didn't find out.
Me and my siblings are planning to contront her about the social media posts she made next week, but I'm not sure how effective it will be. We already made plans to make some of her behavior harder for her to do again by inconvenienting her whenever she does it, but I know it will end up in her blowing up over it. I was warned specifically to not engage with her because she likes picking problems/taking her frustrations out on me the most because I am the closest to her age.
As you noticed throughout this post, if you confront her directly about her actions she'll take it as an argument, so is there any way to subtly influence her behavior without her noticing? Or just anything to help guide her onto the right path?
Tldr: My sister is consistantly misbehaving and its just getting worse the longer its left alone. I need help or just any advice with how to help her stop misbehaving. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
submitted by Similar_Zebra4973 to MuslimLounge [link] [comments]
She began to leave home to visit her friends in the neighborhood or go out with her friends, which was allowed as long as she alerted my mom to where she was going. However, when my mom didn't want her to go to an event with her friends, she contested the refusal which led to a huge argument. A few days later, she snuck out and worried everyone in the house. I had to call all her friends to ask where she went. When she eventually came home, wayyy after the sun had set, she was angry that we questioned her on where she was and why she left. Another argument happened and she ended up upset that we told her that her behavior wasn't appropriate for a Muslim girl. This was the first of three times she snuck out without permission and they all ended the same, her believing she was a victim and wasn't at fault at all.
More recently, like I mentioned earlier, her behavior towards me and my older siblings is completely out of line. Sometimes she treats us as if she expects us to wait hand and foot for her, ordering us around and making snide comments about us. I caught her wearing my clothes without permission 10 TIMES, all of which I asked to to tell me first. She didn't. I had to resort to storing my clothes in my older siblings room, which is usually inaccessible to her, to prevent her from wearing them any longer. Ive also caught her stealing my snacks before, though i just let it lie. Arguing with her is extremely tiring and just make the mood of the house go down. She also uses brushes and products that my siblings bought with their own money without telling them, and sometimes finishing it from them all together. We all know it was her because she is the only one interested in styling her hair. Its also one of the reasons we(me, her, and some neighborhood friends) are late to school almost every day. I should have suspected something was going on at that point because I had already caught her with her head covering half off or showing her neck/chest.
She is especially interested in asking which of the siblings are the most attractive. She even asked our parents that question multiple times. She begins arguments that blow out of control over the smallest of things. A couple months ago, she was upset that I was using the family TV to watch a show and tried to order me to get off so she could watch herself. When I pointed out that she could use her chromebook or phone, she replied that she didn't want to. She only wanted to use the TV. I also had my own devices I could have used, and would have if she was watching something with another one of my siblings, but her command didn't agree with me. Even so, I was willing to let it go so I told her that I would finish the rest of my episode(20 minutes) then hand it over. As you probably guessed, if turned into argument because she wanted to use it at that exact moment. My oldest sibling had to interfere because she was just about screaming the whole house down. It wasn't a one time thing either. I rarely use the family TV since I have my own devices and almost ever other time I use it, she suddenly has a problem with me doing so. Whenever I point out that she can watch on anything other than the family TV, she always doesn't "want" to, even when I'm trying to watch with another sibling.
There is this one specific incident that sticks out to me where she crossed my boundaries. While I can't remember what the actual argument was about, I remember the result. I'm not good at arguing at all, nor am I comfortable doing so despite how many I get into. My older sibling asked her to talk through the issue with me with I was happy to do, but remember, I'm not good with words. I asked her to talk through text instead so we could cool our heads and sort through our thoughts. She protested at first before agreeing. While I was typing out my grevienxes and trying to fix the problem, she plopped a chair in front of me and tried to talk it out with words instead. I left obviously and was extremely upset that she crossed my boundaries like that. It may seem minor but I couldn't help but notice that she regularly crossed my family's boundaries after that incident.
One of her most extreme changes was the way she dressed. She began to favor more tight dresses and occasionally pants(my family is not in the school of thought that allows wearing pants only). Since I go to the same school as her, I witnessed firsthand how she would go out of her way to hide the fact that she wore pants only from my mom, from wearing a skirt to school just to take it off later or covering it with a long cardigan. She knew for a fact that my mom would be upset and tried to hide it. When she was eventually busted, a long argument following it, she promised not to do it again. She tried to be more sneaky about it, especially around me, but I eventually caught her once again. Me and my siblings resorted to hiding the pants for a while but eventually had to return them.
At this point, we had multiple interventions just for her behavior. She even had behavioral therapy scheduled even if she protested going sometimes. I'm not sure if she is still going to this day. It's no surprise that she had some oddities with her behavior since my whole family is on the spectrum, but everyone else calmed down with age. She just takes it to new heights.
The final straw was when me and my siblings found her on social media when she left without permission, again. She blocked us and anyone that followed us from all her social media accounts, which should have been suspect. Turns out, she was wearing tight, figure revealing clothing, showing her hair, and her neck and chest were on full display. Almost all of the videos were her lip syncing to music with makeup on. One that especially shocked us was a suggestive video she posted. Note that her accounts are NOT private, so anyone could see this. She knows that doing all that she was doing is haram given that she tried her hardest make sure we didn't find out.
Me and my siblings are planning to contront her about the social media posts she made next week, but I'm not sure how effective it will be. We already made plans to make some of her behavior harder for her to do again by inconvenienting her whenever she does it, but I know it will end up in her blowing up over it. I was warned specifically to not engage with her because she likes picking problems/taking her frustrations out on me the most because I am the closest to her age.
As you noticed throughout this post, if you confront her directly about her actions she'll take it as an argument, so is there any way to subtly influence her behavior without her noticing? Or just anything to help guide her onto the right path?
Tldr: My sister is consistantly misbehaving and its just getting worse the longer its left alone. I need help or just any advice with how to help her stop misbehaving. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
2024.05.14 00:21 Grouchy-Barnacle-622 M&M
Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.
submitted by Grouchy-Barnacle-622 to Unsent_Unread_Unheard [link] [comments]
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:
- He raped me along with other men.
- He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
- He said he would break us up if I said anything.
- Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
- Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
- It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. 7. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
- He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you M&M.
- He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them "he didn't do anything wrong"... once my supervisor left JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
- At this point I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other woman and they accused you too.
- He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
- He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you M&M. He destroyed every memory of us, and every picture. He destroyed "US".
- He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
- He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
- All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
- He forwarded all my mail to his home.
- He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
- Through hypnosis he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self esteem and worth even moreso. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex husband. Relationships I would have never entered but he intervened.
- He kept me from my Gd.
- Throughout the time he took possession of me he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
- I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him etc.
- People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
- He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life, since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
- He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally.
- My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
- I was never going to remember you but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that at least.
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.
2024.05.14 00:21 Grouchy-Barnacle-622 M&M
Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.
submitted by Grouchy-Barnacle-622 to letters [link] [comments]
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:
- He raped me along with other men.
- He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
- He said he would break us up if I said anything.
- Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
- Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
- It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. 7. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
- He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you M&M.
- He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them "he didn't do anything wrong"... once my supervisor left JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
- At this point I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other woman and they accused you too.
- He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
- He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you M&M. He destroyed every memory of us, and every picture. He destroyed "US".
- He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
- He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
- All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
- He forwarded all my mail to his home.
- He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
- Through hypnosis he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self esteem and worth even moreso. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex husband. Relationships I would have never entered but he intervened.
- He kept me from my Gd.
- Throughout the time he took possession of me he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
- I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him etc.
- People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
- He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life, since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
- He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally.
- My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
- I was never going to remember you but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that at least.
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.
2024.05.14 00:20 Grouchy-Barnacle-622 M&M
Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.
submitted by Grouchy-Barnacle-622 to UnsentLettersRaw [link] [comments]
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:
- He raped me along with other men.
- He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
- He said he would break us up if I said anything.
- Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
- Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
- It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. 7. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
- He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you M&M.
- He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them "he didn't do anything wrong"... once my supervisor left JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
- At this point I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other woman and they accused you too.
- He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
- He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you M&M. He destroyed every memory of us, and every picture. He destroyed "US".
- He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
- He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
- All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
- He forwarded all my mail to his home.
- He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
- Through hypnosis he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self esteem and worth even moreso. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex husband. Relationships I would have never entered but he intervened.
- He kept me from my Gd.
- Throughout the time he took possession of me he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
- I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him etc.
- People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
- He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life, since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
- He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally.
- My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
- I was never going to remember you but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that at least.
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.
2024.05.14 00:18 Middle_Throwaway2244 Ex harassing me and my family for 5 years
I dated my ex boyfriend for a year and a half between 2018-2019. He is 17 years my senior and has some diagnosed mental disorders. I was young and truly believe I was groomed by him. During the period we were together, I also worked for him at his small business. Our relationship was unhealthy to say the least.
We had an incident one night (summer 2019) where he grabbed me by the throat, and pushed me against a wall. After that traumatic incident, things about our relationship changed and I wanted it to end. I had told him I didn't want a relationship with him but he insisted on continuing to see me and try to win me back. I continued to see him but less frequently, and officially ended things on January 2020, when I told him I no longer wanted to see him anymore. I was living at my family's house at the time. After that, he started flooding me with text messages and emails begging me to reconsider. He told me he would commit suicide because of our breakup. He also refused to return my things that were left in his apartment. I tried keeping things cordial for 6 months by answering texts, being nice, and assuring him we can keep in touch. By the summer of 2020, I had enough of the daily calls and texts and told him I needed a break from communication. That's when things started getting bad.
He started sending me gifts using my parent's address (he must have gotten the address through an Amazon account). I texted him telling him that I did not want anything sent to my family's house but he never listened. He also would message me on different numbers pretending to be someone else, make up stories about him committing suicide, to see my reaction. At this point, I blocked him and all the numbers he would message me on.
The first police report I opened was on 2022 when he sent me the following message:
"I am moving several explicit photos of you on work laptop because I need space on the USB drive. There isn't a password on the laptop and all of the team can use it but I don't think they'll notice it there. It's not my fault if it gets hacked and released on the internet. That isn't my problem anymore. If you have any objection to this you can message me."
The police said his wording doesn't constitute "revenge porn" since he didn't post it, he just moved it to another device. I also filed a PFA/restraining order against him at that time. He has never been served since he doesn't have a trackable address and regularly leaves the country for work and spends months outside the country at a time.
Things continue to escalate between 2022-now as he sends letters addressed to my father with embarrassing and intimate details about our relationship, packages with lingerie and my things, and pictures of me drinking (my family is very conservative and he knows this). I continue to take these letters and packages to the police station, but I feel like nothing has been done to stop the harassment. He has caused so much torment in my life. I'm paranoid all the time. I feel depressed and isolated. I just want it to stop.
I have a temporary PFA that's valid for another year but I am unsure how to serve him since he continues to leave the country and no one knows when he get's back. Is there a Constable or professional I can hire to serve him papers? What kind of lawyer can I hire to help me? I was thinking of maybe suing his company as well? I'm in the Pennsylvania area. Any advice and recommendation is really appreciated.
submitted by Middle_Throwaway2244 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
We had an incident one night (summer 2019) where he grabbed me by the throat, and pushed me against a wall. After that traumatic incident, things about our relationship changed and I wanted it to end. I had told him I didn't want a relationship with him but he insisted on continuing to see me and try to win me back. I continued to see him but less frequently, and officially ended things on January 2020, when I told him I no longer wanted to see him anymore. I was living at my family's house at the time. After that, he started flooding me with text messages and emails begging me to reconsider. He told me he would commit suicide because of our breakup. He also refused to return my things that were left in his apartment. I tried keeping things cordial for 6 months by answering texts, being nice, and assuring him we can keep in touch. By the summer of 2020, I had enough of the daily calls and texts and told him I needed a break from communication. That's when things started getting bad.
He started sending me gifts using my parent's address (he must have gotten the address through an Amazon account). I texted him telling him that I did not want anything sent to my family's house but he never listened. He also would message me on different numbers pretending to be someone else, make up stories about him committing suicide, to see my reaction. At this point, I blocked him and all the numbers he would message me on.
The first police report I opened was on 2022 when he sent me the following message:
"I am moving several explicit photos of you on work laptop because I need space on the USB drive. There isn't a password on the laptop and all of the team can use it but I don't think they'll notice it there. It's not my fault if it gets hacked and released on the internet. That isn't my problem anymore. If you have any objection to this you can message me."
The police said his wording doesn't constitute "revenge porn" since he didn't post it, he just moved it to another device. I also filed a PFA/restraining order against him at that time. He has never been served since he doesn't have a trackable address and regularly leaves the country for work and spends months outside the country at a time.
Things continue to escalate between 2022-now as he sends letters addressed to my father with embarrassing and intimate details about our relationship, packages with lingerie and my things, and pictures of me drinking (my family is very conservative and he knows this). I continue to take these letters and packages to the police station, but I feel like nothing has been done to stop the harassment. He has caused so much torment in my life. I'm paranoid all the time. I feel depressed and isolated. I just want it to stop.
I have a temporary PFA that's valid for another year but I am unsure how to serve him since he continues to leave the country and no one knows when he get's back. Is there a Constable or professional I can hire to serve him papers? What kind of lawyer can I hire to help me? I was thinking of maybe suing his company as well? I'm in the Pennsylvania area. Any advice and recommendation is really appreciated.
2024.05.14 00:02 AgitatedClimate2974 Theoretical/Computational Physics PhD Chances
 | Hi everyone, I hope you are all well. I would like to ask current and former theoretical/computational physics graduate students and those with admissions committee experience for their thoughts on my chances at getting into the graduate programs in theoretical physics listed above. I plan to apply for PhD at all beside Zurich which I believe I will need to apply for masters before going on to PhD. submitted by AgitatedClimate2974 to gradadmissions [link] [comments] Here is some information about myself for context: -I am a student at a top 20 US university. -I will graduate at the end of the Spring 2025 semester with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Biochemistry, one in Chemical Physics, and a third in Biophysics. -I have completed about 2000 hours of research in molecular biology at a highly ranked biomedical research institution outside of my home university. I don’t have any publications from this time just yet, but over the next couple of years I should be included on several. -I am embarking on a senior thesis this summer in protein dynamics which will span the next three semesters (summer, fall, spring). -I want to focus on simulation and computational modeling of chemical and biochemical systems in graduate school and beyond. I expect that the exact focus of my efforts will evolve throughout graduate school, which I very much look forward to. I also look forward to graduate coursework in physics. I’m itching to dig deeper. -My GPA is 3.43/4 right now, and I believe it will go up slightly over the next couple semesters. Probably not above 3.5. -I have not taken the GRE and don’t necessarily plan to unless someone has a compelling argument for why I should. None of the schools I’m interested in require it, although a couple recommend it. -I expect to have quite good letters of recommendation from my molecular biology PI of almost two years, my biophysics PI, and a former Dean of Undergraduates who taught me general and physical chemistry. -There is more to my story that will undoubtedly play a role in the application process (I started university as a music performance major, discovered a love of theoretical/computational physics later in my studies, upward trend in GPA, studied music at boarding school in high school and had no real prior experience with science classes when beginning university, etc. etc.) but I think this should suffice for the purposes of this post. If I have left anything out that you would like me to include, please let me know :). I have attached a list of schools I plan to apply to. I would really appreciate if some people with experience on admissions committees could comment on my chances at getting into different programs. Also, if you go to one of these schools or have anything you would like to contribute, please don’t hesitate. Advice for how to strengthen my application is welcome as well as recommendation to add to my school list. THANK YOU!!! |
2024.05.13 23:52 Tricky-Bit-1865 Best version I’ve ever found of Umbridge’s arrest and trial
Aurors blasted their way into Umbridge's house and found her hiding in a small, hidden room by using the spell Homenum Revelio.
She was surrounded by dozens of plates featuring cats and had rows of neatly stacked tins of cat food, which she appeared to have been eating for sustenance. In the corner of the room was a litter box. Oddly enough, however, there were no actual cats to be found.
The Aurors quickly disarmed her, magically bound her, and hauled her off to the Ministry of Magic to be placed in a holding cell until she could be arraigned.
Two days later, she was brought before the Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shackelbolt, looking slightly unkempt and tired. The entire Wizengamot, which had been noticeably thinned out since Shacklebolt had removed several members for their own crimes and/or bribery, was also in attendance.
She looked around the room and tried to find somebody who could be either an ally or someone to whom she could shift the focus, and therefore, possibly, the blame. Finding no one to fit such a criteria, she fixed her face into a contrite image and looked around at the people who were there and pled for mercy. When it became apparent that mercy was in very short supply for those in her position, she immediately claimed to have been under the Imperius Curse.
In an instant, Minister Shacklebolt's composed disposition shifted from being reserved to completely unfriendly. In a short, clipped tone, completely opposite of his typical warm, soothing, deep voice, he gave her the option to either take Veritaserum right then and there or she could go for a psychological evaluation, which was to be conducted at the Janus Thicky Ward at St. Mungo's.
Umbridge balked at the thought of being stuck in "lunatic land". That was, of course, until the Minister mentioned that being stuck under the Imperius Curse for such a prolonged time, as she was claiming, could have some serious effects on her mind. She quickly decided to keep up her pretenses and immediately agreed that she should "at least be checked out by a professional healer."
Shacklebolt issued a two week recess for the Wizengamot in relation to her case. She began to argue the time frame when he gave her a sharp look and she furiously shut her mouth. He reiterated the two week time frame and continued on to say that when they reconvened, they would hear the Healer's testimony regarding her claims and mental status.
Two Aurors, Savage and Williamson, had taken post on either side of her. Savage held her by her left arm while Williamson pulled out a white handkerchief. He secured her right hand in his and then Savage took hold of the other end of the handkerchief. As soon as he did, the portkey activated and deposited the three of them into a secure room in the Janus Thickey Ward.
After a brief intake, Healer Ashborn entered the room to remove the newest resident's personal clothing and effects and to have her put on hospital issued clothes, which were a drab, dingy grey colour. Umbridge pinched the material between her forefinger and thumb before raising it up to eye level and informing the Healer that she refused to put on something so colorless and disgusting. Healer Ashborn donned a nonchalant smirk and informed her that if it was not done willingly and swiftly that she would have no other choice but to Evanesco her personal belongings to the hospital rubbish bin and charm the hospital clothes on with a sticking spell for good measure.
Less than 2 minutes later, she was dressed and being escorted by the Aurors to her bed, which was surrounded by silver framed dividers with pale blue cloth to block the view of the neighboring beds.
As the Aurors turned their attention to make some notes on their paperwork, Umbridge made a sickly sweet noise as she cleared her throat. "Hem-hem. Am I not being given a private room?" She let out a childish giggle.
The Aurors looked at her incredulously, then at each other. Finally, Auror Savage spoke up, "Private rooms are not given to possible war criminals."
Scowling, Umbridge scoffed loudly and said, "Well, I never! I will be writing a letter to the Minister of Magic about this."
Auror Williamson spoke up then, "You think we don't take our orders from the Minister regarding this? You writing a letter won't change anything."
"How dare you! I am Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister -"
"Not anymore, you're not " Auror Savage said coldly, effectively cutting her off. "You are a person on trial for war crimes and a provisional resident of the Janus Thicky Ward due to your claim of being cursed. Now, you have been magically bound to be within 5 feet of your bed, meals will be brought to you, and a member of the staff will escort you to the lavatory. You are not permitted to have a wand and that cuff on your wrist is a magic binder. Since we have completed our duties, we shall now take our leave. The Chief Healer will see you tomorrow morning. Good day, Ms. Umbridge."
She pointed a finger at them while trying to maintain her calm and hissed "Now see here. You cannot just leave me here with all these crazy people, especially while bound with no magic." Her right eye twitched.
Auror Williamson raised his eyebrow at her while he took out the white handkerchief. He held it out to his partner, and, after Savage had taken hold, he activated the portkey without saying another word and they disappeared.
Umbridge sat down onto the rather thin mattress and listened as the springs shrieked as though in agony.
Well, at least I'll be using a real toilet instead of that litterbox, she thought to herself. This will be like a nice vacation. I can order my favorite meals and have some nice wine while I relax.
At that moment, Gilderoy Lockhart popped his head around the partition. "Hello," he said with a big smile and in his shmooziest of voices. "I see you're new. Nice bracelet...." he trailed off for a moment. Coming back around, he added, "Don't mind the bed. They all shriek a bit. Well, not mine, of course. I just had to smile at it a couple of times, aheh. Now it sings to me."
She narrowed her eyes while feeling even more flustered than before. "Why are you here," she spat.
"What a stupendous question. Eh...," he started but clearly began to mentally wander again.
"Can't you manage a simple straight answer," she snapped.
"Well, you see... I simply can't remember." He let out a light chuckle and pulled his eyebrows slightly together while pasting on his best grin. Why not? After all, it worked for his bed.
"Yes, well, be sure to maintain your distance. I won't have you loitering about my space. Move along." She waved him off.
She promptly learned that her stay was going to be nothing like a vacation; no favorite meals, no wine, and certainly no relaxing.
As the days wore on, Lockhart managed to finagle his way into her area for most of the day - everyday. One day he was particularly on her nerves after having rambled on and on about a dream of a very large snake and falling rocks.
Umbridge, losing control of the situation with such an utter nitwit, suddenly burst out in her annoyance. "Enough, Mr. Lockhart!" Later that day, she ended up scratching herself nearly raw due to a mild case of hives.
As hard as she tried to keep her sanity about her, he just seemed to suck it away from her. It was almost as though the more insane she felt, the saner he seemed. Could it be that he had devised a way to steal her sanity and replace it with his insanity? She became more and more leery of him as the days went by until, at one point, a near frantic paranoia set in. She spent the rest of that day completely sedated.
She begged the staff to be moved, but Cheif Healer Pye said they could not due to the restrictions placed by the Auror Department. She ordered for Lockhart to be switched to a different location. In that instance, Healer Pye said that he would not as it could disrupt Mr. Lockhart's frame of mind and treatment, causing him to relapse. She pulled her hair, stomped her feet like a petulant child, and screamed until she was Silenced and magically bound to the bed to keep her from hurting herself.
At the end of the two weeks, Umbridge found herself magically shackled and standing in front of the Minister and the Wizengamot once more. The Chief Healer was also in attendance and reported to the court that while he found absolutely zero proof of her ever having been under the Imperius Curse, he felt it was best that she remained in custody whether at St. Mungo's or Azkaban, as she was a danger to herself and others due to her mental instability.
Umbridge let out a small giggle as the Cheif Healer finished speaking. Minister Shacklebolt turned his head back to face her, catching her smile before she could mask her face. He narrowed his eyes at her and asked if she had anything to say. She quickly donned her saccharine smile.
"Thank you, Minister. While it may be difficult for some people to understand all the hard work and pressure of working at the Ministry, I, for one, am ready to stay the task to get the job done. I shall be ready to resume my official post as Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic in two days time. Of course, I will need to completely redecorate my office as I'm certain that whomever has been occupying it has completely destroyed -"
"Madam." Shacklebolt had cut her off. He was done hearing her rubbish as she tried to take control of the situation. "You will not be reinstated in any sense to any position in the Ministry. You will, however, be able to enjoy your cell at the now dementor-free portion of Azkaban."
"How dare you!" Her fake smile and childish voice dropped away.
Any members of the Wizengamot who were not completely sure of her guilt nearly got whiplash with how fast she changed her demeanor. Many people began to whisper to each other about rumors they had heard that they now believed to be most likely true. She continued to glare at Shacklebolt.
"After everything I have done and sacrificed for the Ministry. After all the lying, magic-stealing mudbloods I sentenced for the sake of our world. How dare you think for one minute that you can just send me off to that dilapidated cesspool; that disgusting hell hole?!" She had began in a directed, hushed yell and finished in an irritated, huffing screech.
As the court witnessed her continued outburst, they whispered even more to each other. Shacklebolt patiently waited as she further unraveled while admitting to more crimes.
She finally cracked and shrieked out to the room. "Quit your whispering about me! I have done nothing but rid these disgusting mudbloods and blood traitors from among us! ORDER! Listen to me! I will have order!" She began pointing at different Wizengamot members who had opposed the corrupt Ministry while it was ran by Voldemort's puppets.
Having heard enough, Shacklebolt banged his gavel on the podium. The Wizengamot became completely silent as Umbridge continued to screech "I will have order! I will have order!"
Shacklebolt then picked up his wand and cast a Silencing charm in her direction. Umbridge's right eye twitched away as she continued screaming her Silenced "I will have order" chant.
The Minister looked to the Chief Healer and asked if Azkaban had a mental ward that was suitable for Ms. Umbridge. He responded to the affirmative. Umbridge was henceforth sentenced and taken to the mental ward of Azkaban.
Within a week, she had lost her privileges to use utensils, as she had used one to draw a rudimentary cat on her wall to which she was often observed speaking.
"Cordelia, you must bathe yourself. I refuse to have you in my presence whilst unkempt. I will have order." Her eyes glassed over and she stared at the wall without really seeing it as she continued to repeat, "I will have order. I will have order. I will... have......order."
submitted by Tricky-Bit-1865 to HPfanfiction [link] [comments]
She was surrounded by dozens of plates featuring cats and had rows of neatly stacked tins of cat food, which she appeared to have been eating for sustenance. In the corner of the room was a litter box. Oddly enough, however, there were no actual cats to be found.
The Aurors quickly disarmed her, magically bound her, and hauled her off to the Ministry of Magic to be placed in a holding cell until she could be arraigned.
Two days later, she was brought before the Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shackelbolt, looking slightly unkempt and tired. The entire Wizengamot, which had been noticeably thinned out since Shacklebolt had removed several members for their own crimes and/or bribery, was also in attendance.
She looked around the room and tried to find somebody who could be either an ally or someone to whom she could shift the focus, and therefore, possibly, the blame. Finding no one to fit such a criteria, she fixed her face into a contrite image and looked around at the people who were there and pled for mercy. When it became apparent that mercy was in very short supply for those in her position, she immediately claimed to have been under the Imperius Curse.
In an instant, Minister Shacklebolt's composed disposition shifted from being reserved to completely unfriendly. In a short, clipped tone, completely opposite of his typical warm, soothing, deep voice, he gave her the option to either take Veritaserum right then and there or she could go for a psychological evaluation, which was to be conducted at the Janus Thicky Ward at St. Mungo's.
Umbridge balked at the thought of being stuck in "lunatic land". That was, of course, until the Minister mentioned that being stuck under the Imperius Curse for such a prolonged time, as she was claiming, could have some serious effects on her mind. She quickly decided to keep up her pretenses and immediately agreed that she should "at least be checked out by a professional healer."
Shacklebolt issued a two week recess for the Wizengamot in relation to her case. She began to argue the time frame when he gave her a sharp look and she furiously shut her mouth. He reiterated the two week time frame and continued on to say that when they reconvened, they would hear the Healer's testimony regarding her claims and mental status.
Two Aurors, Savage and Williamson, had taken post on either side of her. Savage held her by her left arm while Williamson pulled out a white handkerchief. He secured her right hand in his and then Savage took hold of the other end of the handkerchief. As soon as he did, the portkey activated and deposited the three of them into a secure room in the Janus Thickey Ward.
After a brief intake, Healer Ashborn entered the room to remove the newest resident's personal clothing and effects and to have her put on hospital issued clothes, which were a drab, dingy grey colour. Umbridge pinched the material between her forefinger and thumb before raising it up to eye level and informing the Healer that she refused to put on something so colorless and disgusting. Healer Ashborn donned a nonchalant smirk and informed her that if it was not done willingly and swiftly that she would have no other choice but to Evanesco her personal belongings to the hospital rubbish bin and charm the hospital clothes on with a sticking spell for good measure.
Less than 2 minutes later, she was dressed and being escorted by the Aurors to her bed, which was surrounded by silver framed dividers with pale blue cloth to block the view of the neighboring beds.
As the Aurors turned their attention to make some notes on their paperwork, Umbridge made a sickly sweet noise as she cleared her throat. "Hem-hem. Am I not being given a private room?" She let out a childish giggle.
The Aurors looked at her incredulously, then at each other. Finally, Auror Savage spoke up, "Private rooms are not given to possible war criminals."
Scowling, Umbridge scoffed loudly and said, "Well, I never! I will be writing a letter to the Minister of Magic about this."
Auror Williamson spoke up then, "You think we don't take our orders from the Minister regarding this? You writing a letter won't change anything."
"How dare you! I am Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister -"
"Not anymore, you're not " Auror Savage said coldly, effectively cutting her off. "You are a person on trial for war crimes and a provisional resident of the Janus Thicky Ward due to your claim of being cursed. Now, you have been magically bound to be within 5 feet of your bed, meals will be brought to you, and a member of the staff will escort you to the lavatory. You are not permitted to have a wand and that cuff on your wrist is a magic binder. Since we have completed our duties, we shall now take our leave. The Chief Healer will see you tomorrow morning. Good day, Ms. Umbridge."
She pointed a finger at them while trying to maintain her calm and hissed "Now see here. You cannot just leave me here with all these crazy people, especially while bound with no magic." Her right eye twitched.
Auror Williamson raised his eyebrow at her while he took out the white handkerchief. He held it out to his partner, and, after Savage had taken hold, he activated the portkey without saying another word and they disappeared.
Umbridge sat down onto the rather thin mattress and listened as the springs shrieked as though in agony.
Well, at least I'll be using a real toilet instead of that litterbox, she thought to herself. This will be like a nice vacation. I can order my favorite meals and have some nice wine while I relax.
At that moment, Gilderoy Lockhart popped his head around the partition. "Hello," he said with a big smile and in his shmooziest of voices. "I see you're new. Nice bracelet...." he trailed off for a moment. Coming back around, he added, "Don't mind the bed. They all shriek a bit. Well, not mine, of course. I just had to smile at it a couple of times, aheh. Now it sings to me."
She narrowed her eyes while feeling even more flustered than before. "Why are you here," she spat.
"What a stupendous question. Eh...," he started but clearly began to mentally wander again.
"Can't you manage a simple straight answer," she snapped.
"Well, you see... I simply can't remember." He let out a light chuckle and pulled his eyebrows slightly together while pasting on his best grin. Why not? After all, it worked for his bed.
"Yes, well, be sure to maintain your distance. I won't have you loitering about my space. Move along." She waved him off.
She promptly learned that her stay was going to be nothing like a vacation; no favorite meals, no wine, and certainly no relaxing.
As the days wore on, Lockhart managed to finagle his way into her area for most of the day - everyday. One day he was particularly on her nerves after having rambled on and on about a dream of a very large snake and falling rocks.
Umbridge, losing control of the situation with such an utter nitwit, suddenly burst out in her annoyance. "Enough, Mr. Lockhart!" Later that day, she ended up scratching herself nearly raw due to a mild case of hives.
As hard as she tried to keep her sanity about her, he just seemed to suck it away from her. It was almost as though the more insane she felt, the saner he seemed. Could it be that he had devised a way to steal her sanity and replace it with his insanity? She became more and more leery of him as the days went by until, at one point, a near frantic paranoia set in. She spent the rest of that day completely sedated.
She begged the staff to be moved, but Cheif Healer Pye said they could not due to the restrictions placed by the Auror Department. She ordered for Lockhart to be switched to a different location. In that instance, Healer Pye said that he would not as it could disrupt Mr. Lockhart's frame of mind and treatment, causing him to relapse. She pulled her hair, stomped her feet like a petulant child, and screamed until she was Silenced and magically bound to the bed to keep her from hurting herself.
At the end of the two weeks, Umbridge found herself magically shackled and standing in front of the Minister and the Wizengamot once more. The Chief Healer was also in attendance and reported to the court that while he found absolutely zero proof of her ever having been under the Imperius Curse, he felt it was best that she remained in custody whether at St. Mungo's or Azkaban, as she was a danger to herself and others due to her mental instability.
Umbridge let out a small giggle as the Cheif Healer finished speaking. Minister Shacklebolt turned his head back to face her, catching her smile before she could mask her face. He narrowed his eyes at her and asked if she had anything to say. She quickly donned her saccharine smile.
"Thank you, Minister. While it may be difficult for some people to understand all the hard work and pressure of working at the Ministry, I, for one, am ready to stay the task to get the job done. I shall be ready to resume my official post as Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic in two days time. Of course, I will need to completely redecorate my office as I'm certain that whomever has been occupying it has completely destroyed -"
"Madam." Shacklebolt had cut her off. He was done hearing her rubbish as she tried to take control of the situation. "You will not be reinstated in any sense to any position in the Ministry. You will, however, be able to enjoy your cell at the now dementor-free portion of Azkaban."
"How dare you!" Her fake smile and childish voice dropped away.
Any members of the Wizengamot who were not completely sure of her guilt nearly got whiplash with how fast she changed her demeanor. Many people began to whisper to each other about rumors they had heard that they now believed to be most likely true. She continued to glare at Shacklebolt.
"After everything I have done and sacrificed for the Ministry. After all the lying, magic-stealing mudbloods I sentenced for the sake of our world. How dare you think for one minute that you can just send me off to that dilapidated cesspool; that disgusting hell hole?!" She had began in a directed, hushed yell and finished in an irritated, huffing screech.
As the court witnessed her continued outburst, they whispered even more to each other. Shacklebolt patiently waited as she further unraveled while admitting to more crimes.
She finally cracked and shrieked out to the room. "Quit your whispering about me! I have done nothing but rid these disgusting mudbloods and blood traitors from among us! ORDER! Listen to me! I will have order!" She began pointing at different Wizengamot members who had opposed the corrupt Ministry while it was ran by Voldemort's puppets.
Having heard enough, Shacklebolt banged his gavel on the podium. The Wizengamot became completely silent as Umbridge continued to screech "I will have order! I will have order!"
Shacklebolt then picked up his wand and cast a Silencing charm in her direction. Umbridge's right eye twitched away as she continued screaming her Silenced "I will have order" chant.
The Minister looked to the Chief Healer and asked if Azkaban had a mental ward that was suitable for Ms. Umbridge. He responded to the affirmative. Umbridge was henceforth sentenced and taken to the mental ward of Azkaban.
Within a week, she had lost her privileges to use utensils, as she had used one to draw a rudimentary cat on her wall to which she was often observed speaking.
"Cordelia, you must bathe yourself. I refuse to have you in my presence whilst unkempt. I will have order." Her eyes glassed over and she stared at the wall without really seeing it as she continued to repeat, "I will have order. I will have order. I will... have......order."
2024.05.13 23:41 morpheusrecks Dilemma
I'm struggling. My flair says reconciling, but it's on a low arc and approaching failure. Or maybe it's still false. I don't know.
Married 19 years, together for 25; two teenage children with severe emotional problems coming out of the pandemic.
D-Day was 16 months ago, the night before Thanksgiving. AP was literally an alcoholic unemployed late 40-something living in his mom's basement. They had met at a funeral she hadn't bothered to ask me to go because I wasn't leaving the bed in those days and I'd have said no. The night I discovered his clingy, mooning texts lamenting their inability to spend the holiday together, my life - already a terrible, depressive, lonely black hole of a mess and following the sudden, unnecessary death of a parent on Christmas Day - just imploded.
Upon confrontation after Thanksgiving dinner, the response was the worst in all ways possible. WW was high on limerence, and was fiercely unapologetic. She didn't want to separate but demanded an open marriage. She 'deserved to be happy', and felt good about her having told this unplanned encounter that went from EA to PA in 72 hours that she'd never leave me.
She had eschewed having intimacy for years before this. We had been poor to each other over the years, but I fell off a cliff after our kids faded from the world and my parent died. She was legit shocked and belligerent when I refused, and said that if you pursue this I will have to leave.
We made some temporary agreements (ones she did not keep), and started seeing a counselor. I started IC for the first time in my middle-aged life. We were however 'not aligned', as she'd say. She didnt want to give up her boyfriend, and I refused to stay if he was in the picture. I cringe to think back to how I said, 'you can maintain a friendship if you absolutely must but you must reinvest back into working on our relationship'.
This was a no-go for her for a while. She'd meet him. He'd sleep in her place of business. SHe lent him our car. (He crashed it while drunk, btw.) There was a moment when I had the kids in Puerto Rico, and she returned early for a funeral, and she went to the funeral with him and probably had sex after. Meanwhile I was stuck in an airport, trying to get home after a cancelled flight and just threw lots of money at the problem to curtail the time she had with him. She had in the three month relationship began introducing him to family friends, people who knew me.
With someone living a state away, she somehow managed to squeeze in more sex in 3 months than we'd had together in 10 years. In my mind, she was working on replacing me with AP but didn't want to separate for the sake of our kids.
Come January, she claimed to have decided to break things off. I didn't really believe her. I made a surprise visit to her place of business on a weekend, and found him there asleep on the couch with no pants on.
We had words, and despite being beside myself with rage and grief I was able to take his measure. In many ways, I wish I had met him right after D-Day. It was clear he was a narcissistic dumpster fire with pretensions of intellectuality. There were signs of some bipolar behavior. He made clear his intentions was to stay, and to convince WW to leave me. And he still had our car, and keys to her business site. (We live in a large city and don't need multiple vehicles, or even the one car if I'm honest.)
She realized where I was going due to my phone location and ran after me, but got there after I had 15 minutes with the joker. She asked him to leave, but still let him keep our car. She had no words, which has been a theme throughout our marriage. She can't easily access her feelings or articulate them, and she's afraid to express them for fear of my response. I told her after having met him, noted his instability and his intentions, i said I can no longer accept any contact between them. She reluctantly agreed.
From mid-January through to August followed a sequence of false representation of wanting to work on reconciliation and cycles of lying about not having contact. She was in love with him, she claimed, but seemed to go cold turkey overnight. She neither engaged with me nor took steps to reconcile, but claimed how difficult it was and that she was working on our relationship.
We quit the MC we started to see. We eventually found another several months later. We're still with the 2nd MC. In the meantime began a kind of surreal hellscape life for me, as she would say the barest of minimum things, and usually nothing at all about where she was, how she felt, and what was she willing to do to rebuild our relationship. She took no steps to reassure me, or show she wants me. She would say she did, but simultaneously be cold, distant, and - as i soon discovered - was still in contact with AP.
He gave her a burner phone. I found it within 2 days and threw the brand new phone into the river. Cheaters really need to not let unknown devices onto the home wifi networks of the technically literate. We had it out again, she promised to really try. A few weeks later I found unusual call patterns in our cell account. AP had provisioned a new phone number. Following that blow up was the WhatsApp phase, which really began to take the wind out of my sails.
She expressed no remorse. She was resentful of my 'intrusions into her privacy'. She genuinely thought it would be comforting to hear that the affair had nothing to do with me. She would be visibly annoyed when I asked for confirmations there had been no new contact - and even more so when in retrospect when there had been.
There were at least five discrete cycles of deception. AP escalated by getting five phone numbers and cycling through them. Towards the end, she had hid these numbers as secondary numbers of people they knew in common but didn't regularly have contact with. AP would write texts from the perspective of different personae.
Then there were the people who knew, and of those there were people who fully supported her behavior. There were people who aided and abetted it, lending her their apartments, or hoping she finds some comfort. One particularly egregious one, early on, tried to convince Amanda to really try to convince me to find someone else to be happy in an open arrangement. She's still in regular contact with this person.
The culmination of the PA/EA with the AP happened last summer. He eventually returned the car, but only after he had reclaimed it from the police impound lot. He did not pay for the repairs. Or his tolls when coming to and fro to fuck my WW. I did.
I had been fairly successful in identifying his phone numbers and having them blocked at the carrier level with some gaps in time, and diverting his email and voicemail. During ths period where all his means of contact were being closed soon after being opened, he was starting to rage and unstable. WW upon the latest confrontation (i was pretty calm and matter of fact about it) admitted she could not control her behavior, and didn't understand why she was doing it.
AP was a controlling person, with hints of WW's clinically narcissist parent. He wrote a letter and entered her business after hours to leave it. Because he wrote an email saying he was doing this, I ill-advisedly went there to call the police on him. I didn't find him, but I did find the letter. He knew I had been there - either he had been outside or he went back after I left - and complained bitterly about my interference.
His only means of influence had dropped to emails, and he just kept pounding with the short, imperative statements that described outcomes favorable to him. He had started to convince her that I was a threat to her, and trying to convince her I was a threat to our children (for whom I'd die in fire every day).
His tactical error was trying to play up his inability to contact her as a screen for concern. He tried to get the cops to perform a wellness check. He called WW's sister to convince her I was a threat, and that WW was in danger. (She told him off.)
Finally, he threatened to show up at our door with friends and 'free' her. I knew he owned a shotgun; while I didn't actually think he would show up (he had made smaller-scale threats of this kind before and I only realized they had happened days after his 'deadlines'.) I shared this new development with WW. We had agreed to handle it together. However, while I was out one day, she went to her sister's and called him to tell him she was fine but to never call or contact anyone in our family again. It was a muted, brief exchange. I was angry she hadn't stuck to our agreement.
Since then, he's only made a handful of contact attempts soon after the break that really were more for insulting me. I believe on an intellectual level they have had no contact since last summer. I emotionally continue to not feel safe about her intentions.
Since then, it's been difficult. There have been very limited conversation coming from her outside of the MC sessions, and those have trended light on her content. Very recently, she's expressed more. But it's still seemingly grounded in some unhealthy premises. Amongst them:
Yesterday wa the first time she said that he was responsible for destroying my world and my brain, several times over, with the elaborate deceptions (as I'm prone to describing it). I welcomed it and thanked her. But it was only precipitated by a conflict we were having about a mistake I made, where I rubbed her face in my phone snooping by adding unflattering profile pictures to the blocked contacts for the AP. (If they're not there, he could still call her and leave a voicemail when she's on wifi.)
She has had low to middling chronic health issues since April of last year, following her second round with COVID. And if it's not her, it's her parents. Or my surviving parent. Or my brother almost dying. Or the DOL is threatening to reclassify all her contractors as employees. (They should.) Everything just magically seemed to be prioritized over her talking to me.
It's literally, literally been something every other week. She's always tired, always in pain, and I really try hard to stay empathic about it. To hold a space for her. I have taken care of her when she's ill all throughout this horrible time. And she's really appreciative of how well I've supported and cared for her with no promise or signs of reciprocation.
But she still won't have sex with me, and wont talk to me about why she flinches sometimes when I touch her. Or worse, she fakes interest and then I find out otherwise later. Clearly, we have trauma to work through from before the affair. She's not intentionally being cruel. I've expressed remorse over what little she has hinted at, and want to make amends. I love her so much. It's always been my intent to die married to her, and hold our family together.
But it's getting harder to hold onto that empathy. I'm just so tired of feeling hurt, of not having my needs met, and feeling so deeply disrespected in this low-contrition (but maybe trending up) context we're living through.
She seems to evoke a sense in me that everytime I am hurt or express anger, her willingness or energy resets to near zero. Which in and of itself is newly infuriating!
My dilemma is that part of my tenacity in this ridiculous situation that saints would have left three times over already is tied to the idea that by sticking with it and not making it 'easier' for her I'm upholding my self-respect.
But am i? Am I just punishing her by saying I can't let go of my pain until she demonstrates remorse and effort? Being married, a husband and a father of simple small family is a big part of my identity.
It all went to shit a long time ago, but I never checked out. I just didn't understand what was happening, how a wife could treat their partner this way, and I didn't have the maturity or the emotional language to navigate it alone. So I grew resentful and depressed, and just low-level angry all the time. While she would just smile, and say nothing. In public, she'd be affectionate.
In private, it'd be back turned and motionless to my hunger for connection (and release). I turned inward. She, a very social, community-building gem of a human being, checked out and switched to Potemkin mode whenever anyone was looking. I felt like I was constantly being gaslit. Even when I tried to talk about our problems, she'd act as if I had said nothing at all. It was the damnest thing, and I had no words for it.
Maybe she's starting to see the light and be empathic to my pain. But, if that's what's happening, I'm just running out of steam and hope. Hope isn't necessary for me to stay the course, but motivation is beginning to lag.
Any advice?
submitted by morpheusrecks to AsOneAfterInfidelity [link] [comments]
Married 19 years, together for 25; two teenage children with severe emotional problems coming out of the pandemic.
D-Day was 16 months ago, the night before Thanksgiving. AP was literally an alcoholic unemployed late 40-something living in his mom's basement. They had met at a funeral she hadn't bothered to ask me to go because I wasn't leaving the bed in those days and I'd have said no. The night I discovered his clingy, mooning texts lamenting their inability to spend the holiday together, my life - already a terrible, depressive, lonely black hole of a mess and following the sudden, unnecessary death of a parent on Christmas Day - just imploded.
Upon confrontation after Thanksgiving dinner, the response was the worst in all ways possible. WW was high on limerence, and was fiercely unapologetic. She didn't want to separate but demanded an open marriage. She 'deserved to be happy', and felt good about her having told this unplanned encounter that went from EA to PA in 72 hours that she'd never leave me.
She had eschewed having intimacy for years before this. We had been poor to each other over the years, but I fell off a cliff after our kids faded from the world and my parent died. She was legit shocked and belligerent when I refused, and said that if you pursue this I will have to leave.
We made some temporary agreements (ones she did not keep), and started seeing a counselor. I started IC for the first time in my middle-aged life. We were however 'not aligned', as she'd say. She didnt want to give up her boyfriend, and I refused to stay if he was in the picture. I cringe to think back to how I said, 'you can maintain a friendship if you absolutely must but you must reinvest back into working on our relationship'.
This was a no-go for her for a while. She'd meet him. He'd sleep in her place of business. SHe lent him our car. (He crashed it while drunk, btw.) There was a moment when I had the kids in Puerto Rico, and she returned early for a funeral, and she went to the funeral with him and probably had sex after. Meanwhile I was stuck in an airport, trying to get home after a cancelled flight and just threw lots of money at the problem to curtail the time she had with him. She had in the three month relationship began introducing him to family friends, people who knew me.
With someone living a state away, she somehow managed to squeeze in more sex in 3 months than we'd had together in 10 years. In my mind, she was working on replacing me with AP but didn't want to separate for the sake of our kids.
Come January, she claimed to have decided to break things off. I didn't really believe her. I made a surprise visit to her place of business on a weekend, and found him there asleep on the couch with no pants on.
We had words, and despite being beside myself with rage and grief I was able to take his measure. In many ways, I wish I had met him right after D-Day. It was clear he was a narcissistic dumpster fire with pretensions of intellectuality. There were signs of some bipolar behavior. He made clear his intentions was to stay, and to convince WW to leave me. And he still had our car, and keys to her business site. (We live in a large city and don't need multiple vehicles, or even the one car if I'm honest.)
She realized where I was going due to my phone location and ran after me, but got there after I had 15 minutes with the joker. She asked him to leave, but still let him keep our car. She had no words, which has been a theme throughout our marriage. She can't easily access her feelings or articulate them, and she's afraid to express them for fear of my response. I told her after having met him, noted his instability and his intentions, i said I can no longer accept any contact between them. She reluctantly agreed.
From mid-January through to August followed a sequence of false representation of wanting to work on reconciliation and cycles of lying about not having contact. She was in love with him, she claimed, but seemed to go cold turkey overnight. She neither engaged with me nor took steps to reconcile, but claimed how difficult it was and that she was working on our relationship.
We quit the MC we started to see. We eventually found another several months later. We're still with the 2nd MC. In the meantime began a kind of surreal hellscape life for me, as she would say the barest of minimum things, and usually nothing at all about where she was, how she felt, and what was she willing to do to rebuild our relationship. She took no steps to reassure me, or show she wants me. She would say she did, but simultaneously be cold, distant, and - as i soon discovered - was still in contact with AP.
He gave her a burner phone. I found it within 2 days and threw the brand new phone into the river. Cheaters really need to not let unknown devices onto the home wifi networks of the technically literate. We had it out again, she promised to really try. A few weeks later I found unusual call patterns in our cell account. AP had provisioned a new phone number. Following that blow up was the WhatsApp phase, which really began to take the wind out of my sails.
She expressed no remorse. She was resentful of my 'intrusions into her privacy'. She genuinely thought it would be comforting to hear that the affair had nothing to do with me. She would be visibly annoyed when I asked for confirmations there had been no new contact - and even more so when in retrospect when there had been.
There were at least five discrete cycles of deception. AP escalated by getting five phone numbers and cycling through them. Towards the end, she had hid these numbers as secondary numbers of people they knew in common but didn't regularly have contact with. AP would write texts from the perspective of different personae.
Then there were the people who knew, and of those there were people who fully supported her behavior. There were people who aided and abetted it, lending her their apartments, or hoping she finds some comfort. One particularly egregious one, early on, tried to convince Amanda to really try to convince me to find someone else to be happy in an open arrangement. She's still in regular contact with this person.
The culmination of the PA/EA with the AP happened last summer. He eventually returned the car, but only after he had reclaimed it from the police impound lot. He did not pay for the repairs. Or his tolls when coming to and fro to fuck my WW. I did.
I had been fairly successful in identifying his phone numbers and having them blocked at the carrier level with some gaps in time, and diverting his email and voicemail. During ths period where all his means of contact were being closed soon after being opened, he was starting to rage and unstable. WW upon the latest confrontation (i was pretty calm and matter of fact about it) admitted she could not control her behavior, and didn't understand why she was doing it.
AP was a controlling person, with hints of WW's clinically narcissist parent. He wrote a letter and entered her business after hours to leave it. Because he wrote an email saying he was doing this, I ill-advisedly went there to call the police on him. I didn't find him, but I did find the letter. He knew I had been there - either he had been outside or he went back after I left - and complained bitterly about my interference.
His only means of influence had dropped to emails, and he just kept pounding with the short, imperative statements that described outcomes favorable to him. He had started to convince her that I was a threat to her, and trying to convince her I was a threat to our children (for whom I'd die in fire every day).
His tactical error was trying to play up his inability to contact her as a screen for concern. He tried to get the cops to perform a wellness check. He called WW's sister to convince her I was a threat, and that WW was in danger. (She told him off.)
Finally, he threatened to show up at our door with friends and 'free' her. I knew he owned a shotgun; while I didn't actually think he would show up (he had made smaller-scale threats of this kind before and I only realized they had happened days after his 'deadlines'.) I shared this new development with WW. We had agreed to handle it together. However, while I was out one day, she went to her sister's and called him to tell him she was fine but to never call or contact anyone in our family again. It was a muted, brief exchange. I was angry she hadn't stuck to our agreement.
Since then, he's only made a handful of contact attempts soon after the break that really were more for insulting me. I believe on an intellectual level they have had no contact since last summer. I emotionally continue to not feel safe about her intentions.
Since then, it's been difficult. There have been very limited conversation coming from her outside of the MC sessions, and those have trended light on her content. Very recently, she's expressed more. But it's still seemingly grounded in some unhealthy premises. Amongst them:
- She at one pointed expressed she regretted the pain she caused, but doesn't regret the experience because (I kid you not) 'she learned so much about herself' and 'many positive elements have come out of it'. (I lost 50 pounds in the first three months post-Dday, and lately I've been hovering around 70. I did have it to lose, having used food to soothe myself over the decade of gaslighting and lack of explanation for her disengagement, and unwillingness to work on it.)
- She continues to resent my intrusion into her phone call history. She disagrees with the oft-raised best practice of open-phone/account policies. Her feelings around her lack of privacy unsettle her, and get in the way of engaging (she says).
- she doesn't see the value in 'forcing closeness'
- she keeps wanting me to 'ratchet it down a notch', but it's not clear what she thinks that means
- she finds my sadness and pain to be an impediment to rebuilding closeness
- She claims to have read content about rebuilding marriages after infidelity, but to my knowledge she's done hardly anything to rebuild trust. I said it'd be better if you hadn't read it, because to think that you're walking around having read it but still don't do anything feels worse.
- She has not taken lead in the reconciliation process, or really done much except endure my periodic/every-2-weeks or so expressions of disappointment and hurt and anger
Yesterday wa the first time she said that he was responsible for destroying my world and my brain, several times over, with the elaborate deceptions (as I'm prone to describing it). I welcomed it and thanked her. But it was only precipitated by a conflict we were having about a mistake I made, where I rubbed her face in my phone snooping by adding unflattering profile pictures to the blocked contacts for the AP. (If they're not there, he could still call her and leave a voicemail when she's on wifi.)
She has had low to middling chronic health issues since April of last year, following her second round with COVID. And if it's not her, it's her parents. Or my surviving parent. Or my brother almost dying. Or the DOL is threatening to reclassify all her contractors as employees. (They should.) Everything just magically seemed to be prioritized over her talking to me.
It's literally, literally been something every other week. She's always tired, always in pain, and I really try hard to stay empathic about it. To hold a space for her. I have taken care of her when she's ill all throughout this horrible time. And she's really appreciative of how well I've supported and cared for her with no promise or signs of reciprocation.
But she still won't have sex with me, and wont talk to me about why she flinches sometimes when I touch her. Or worse, she fakes interest and then I find out otherwise later. Clearly, we have trauma to work through from before the affair. She's not intentionally being cruel. I've expressed remorse over what little she has hinted at, and want to make amends. I love her so much. It's always been my intent to die married to her, and hold our family together.
But it's getting harder to hold onto that empathy. I'm just so tired of feeling hurt, of not having my needs met, and feeling so deeply disrespected in this low-contrition (but maybe trending up) context we're living through.
She seems to evoke a sense in me that everytime I am hurt or express anger, her willingness or energy resets to near zero. Which in and of itself is newly infuriating!
My dilemma is that part of my tenacity in this ridiculous situation that saints would have left three times over already is tied to the idea that by sticking with it and not making it 'easier' for her I'm upholding my self-respect.
But am i? Am I just punishing her by saying I can't let go of my pain until she demonstrates remorse and effort? Being married, a husband and a father of simple small family is a big part of my identity.
It all went to shit a long time ago, but I never checked out. I just didn't understand what was happening, how a wife could treat their partner this way, and I didn't have the maturity or the emotional language to navigate it alone. So I grew resentful and depressed, and just low-level angry all the time. While she would just smile, and say nothing. In public, she'd be affectionate.
In private, it'd be back turned and motionless to my hunger for connection (and release). I turned inward. She, a very social, community-building gem of a human being, checked out and switched to Potemkin mode whenever anyone was looking. I felt like I was constantly being gaslit. Even when I tried to talk about our problems, she'd act as if I had said nothing at all. It was the damnest thing, and I had no words for it.
Maybe she's starting to see the light and be empathic to my pain. But, if that's what's happening, I'm just running out of steam and hope. Hope isn't necessary for me to stay the course, but motivation is beginning to lag.
Any advice?
2024.05.13 23:28 AlfrescoDog The Great Wall and Wall Street: Become a Better Trader by Understanding the Perils of 🇨🇳 Chinese Companies on 🇺🇸 U.S. Exchanges
 | ⚠️ Attention all traders and holders of Chinese stocks: You should read this if you don’t know what a VIE is. Sure, most of you will be repelled by the great wall of text here (so many words!), but you might want to keep this post nearby. submitted by AlfrescoDog to wallstreetbets [link] [comments] Hello. You are aware that Wall Street’s bustling bazaar hosts a veritable Forbidden City of Chinese companies draped in ticker tape rather than silk. Today, I will provide background and data on all allowed Chinese companies listed on three of the largest U.S. stock exchanges: New York Stock Exchange (NYSE), Nasdaq, and NYSE American. I should note that a bustling troupe of 26 national securities exchanges are registered with the SEC in the United States. Most are owned by the Nasdaq, NYSE, or the Chicago Board Options Exchange (CBOE). Nonetheless, based on data from the World Federation of Exchanges as of August 2023, the NYSE and Nasdaq were the top two exchanges behemoths of the global financial stage, accounting for 42.4% of the total $110.2 trillion in valuation traded across 80 major global exchanges. 🖼️ I had a photo of Wall Street to add here, but I'm only allowed to include one attachment. 2022 vs. 2023 According to the U.S.-China Economic and Security Review Commission, as of January 8, 2024, there were 265 Chinese companies listed on the three U.S. exchanges, with a total market capitalization of $848 billion. That valuation is down from a year prior—January 9, 2023—when a slightly lower 252 Chinese companies were tracked, but they represented a total market capitalization of $1.03 trillion. Since January 2023, 24 Chinese companies have entered the spotlight of the three U.S. exchanges, raising $656 million in combined initial public offerings (IPOs). On the other hand, eleven Chinese companies have folded their tents and delisted. China Securities Regulatory Commission The American stock exchanges witnessed a springtime bloom of Chinese IPOs in the first quarter of 2023. However, this listing activity came to an abrupt halt as the clock struck March 31, 2023. Why? The China Securities Regulatory Commission (CSRC) implemented a revised approval process for companies going public overseas. I won’t get into the details, but China has rules to cap foreign investment and ownership in sectors deemed strategic, such as technology. In the past, those regulations have driven several Chinese firms to the legal gymnastics of a Variable Interest Entity (VIE) structure—a clever contrivance that allowed them to leapfrog domestic constraints. However, under the revised review mechanism, every company, regardless of its corporate ownership structure, must now bow before the China Securities Regulatory Commission (CSRC) to register its intent to list overseas. 🖼️ I had a photo of the CSRC building to add here, but I'm only allowed to include one attachment. The gatekeeper Therefore, although the CSRC touted this regulation as a necessary measure for enforcing regulatory compliance and preventing fraud (which is true), it also helps regulators act as gatekeepers poised to block any proposed listing they deem poses a risk to their national security or jeopardizes China's national interests. This process is wide-ranging. For instance, it includes an evaluation of the company’s safeguards against disclosing what the Chinese Communist Party considers potential state secrets. But we’re not talking about top-secret black-ops projects meant to be hidden from international oversight committees. No… any company that collects personal information on more than one million users requires stern data security review mechanisms for its cross-border data flows. For perspective, TikTok has over 150 million users in the U.S. alone and is not subject to the same scrutiny from the Western nations. Currently, the CSRC approval process is reportedly taking upward of six months. Audit inspections and investigations in China You’re probably unaware of the HFCAA, so let’s start there. The Holding Foreign Companies Accountable Act of 2020 (HFCAA) is a law that requires companies publicly listed on stock exchanges in the U.S. to disclose to the United States Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) information on foreign jurisdictions that prevent the Public Company Accounting Oversight Board (PCAOB) from conducting inspections. That law laid down a stern ultimatum: If Chinese authorities kept obstructing the Public Company Accounting Oversight Board (PCAOB) from inspecting audit firms in China or Hong Kong for three consecutive years, the companies audited by these entities would face a ban from the bustling arenas of the U.S. exchanges. Basically, either China allowed the PCAOB to inspect the audit firms, or the companies had to change to another auditing firm within three years. Then, as 2022 waned to its final days (literally, on December 29), President Joe Biden signed a Consolidated Appropriations Act, which contained a provision that will tighten the noose, shortening future timelines from three consecutive years to only two. Once they looked under the rock Finally allowed to conduct full investigations of audit firms in mainland China and Hong Kong after over a decade of obstruction, the PCAOB announced the findings of its first round of inspections in May 2023, identifying deficiencies in seven of eight audits conducted by the auditing firms KPMG Huazhen and PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) Hong Kong. Audits of Chinese Companies Are Highly Deficient, U.S. Regulator Says On November 30, 2023, the PCAOB announced fines against three audit firms in China, totaling $7.9 million for misconduct. For perspective, that number included the second and third-largest fines ever doled out by the PCAOB. Why were the fines so bad? Those sneaky Chinese accountants Imagine a gaggle of accountants in the far reaches of PwC China and Hong Kong applying for a U.S. auditing curriculum. But alas, these foreign accountants find the U.S. auditing training tests a trifle tedious, so someone came up with the answers and decided to pass them around like a secret note in a schoolroom. From 2018 to 2020, over 1,000 of these busy bees completed their U.S. auditing online exams by copying the answers from two unauthorized apps with a fervor that would make a gossip columnist blush. When confronted with the evidence, PwC China and PwC Hong Kong response: 🤷♂️ And let me remind you, this happened late last year. Both firms are expected to provide reasonable assurance that their personnel will act with integrity in connection with internal training and to report their compliance to the PCAOB within 150 days—April 2024. 🖼️ I was planning on using an AI-generated image of Chinese accountants cheating, but I'm only allowed to include one attachment. State-owned enterprises According to the U.S.-China Economic and Security Review Commission, this graph represents the total market capitalization of Chinese companies listed in the three U.S. exchanges. Market Capitalization of Listed Chinese Companies The number of listed companies has stayed at around 260. However, all Chinese state-owned enterprises (SOEs) have delisted themselves from U.S. exchanges, most of them soon after the PCAOB announced it had secured complete access to Chinese auditors’ records. Variable Interest Entities (VIEs) Most traders—and that means you—are unaware that 166 Chinese companies currently listed on the three major U.S. exchanges use a VIE structure. As of January 8, 2024, these companies have a market capitalization of $772 billion. For perspective, that represents 91% of the total market capitalization of all the Chinese firms listed on the three major U.S. exchanges. What the hell is a VIE? It is a complex corporate structure that grants shareholders contractual claims to control via an offshore shell company without transferring actual ownership in the company. A Variable Interest Entity (VIE) is a bit like a riverboat casino’s cleverest trick, allowing a company to sell its chips on a foreign table without ever letting the players hold the cards directly. A VIE is a structure used primarily by companies that wish to partake in the financial streams of another country (the U.S. exchanges) without breaking local laws (Chinese laws) that prevent full ownership. Remember, Chinese companies structured themselves as VIEs to circumvent China’s restrictions—not U.S. restrictions—on foreign ownership in industries the CCP deems sensitive. Therefore, when you hold stock in one of these Chinese companies, you’re not officially holding any actual ownership in the company. Because if you did, then that company could be breaking Chinese restrictive caps on foreign investment and ownership. That’s why they set up a façade, or a legal entity, that controls the business on paper, but the true power and profits are funneled back to the company pulling the strings. Granted, it’s not as shaky as asking a random stranger to hold your shares, but it is crafty, and you should be aware of the risks. Wait. What are the risks? You need to understand that there’s a shadow of potential risk looming. Potential. Now, don't mistake me for the town crier of doom; I'm not proclaiming that the sky is falling on these shares. Nor am I declaring that disaster is certain for Chinese stocks. What I am pointing out, however, is the presence of a risk—a subtle beast that might just catch you off guard if you remain unaware. And let’s face it: Most of you are completely oblivious to these issues. There are two sides here: 🇺🇸 & 🇨🇳 🇺🇸 Since July 2021, the SEC has imposed additional disclosure requirements for Chinese companies using a VIE to sell shares in the U.S. These requirements include greater transparency about the relationship between the VIE and its Chinese operating companies. In summary, the SEC aims to push VIEs toward the company behind them to offer more clarity on U.S. investor ownership in the Chinese operating company. 🇨🇳 On the other side, Chinese companies that list overseas using a VIE were not required to register their listings with the CSRC, as the VIE is not considered a Chinese company under China’s law. This is the reason VIEs were used in the first place. However, as I mentioned earlier, after March 31, 2023, the CSRC established requirements for all new Chinese companies to register and receive permission before going public overseas—even those planning to use VIE structures. That’s why there was a boom of Chinese IPOs before that deadline. Granted, on September 14, 2023, a Chinese auto insurance platform became the first company that received the elusive blessing of the CSRC to list, and it did so using a VIE arrangement, breaking the long, dry spell that had plagued Chinese IPOs when she listed on the Nasdaq four days later. However, even though VIEs received some sort of recognition from the CSRC, the VIE corporate structures still hold dubious legal status under China’s laws. Remember, VIEs purpose is to avoid being considered a Chinese company under China’s laws. So… do you see the potential risk here? Umm… No, I don’t get it. Think about it. Either country could potentially increase regulations for VIEs, but if the SEC forces them to be more transparent, the VIE would not be able to circumvent China’s restrictions. That’s one risk. Also, at some point, China’s CSRC might question whether it’s appropriate to recognize a corporate structure that was created to circumvent its laws. Which leads me to this: What’s keeping the CCP from deciding to start reigning in those VIEs? The answer is simple: They’re not in a hurry to do so because if misfortune should befall, it’ll be the foreign investors who’ll see their assets deflated like a punctured balloon. 🖼️ I would've added a nice image or two by now, to balance all the text and make this more appealing, but I'm only allowed to include one attachment. If a VIE-listed company goes private at a lower valuation, businesses fail, or there’s a valuation discrepancy, the enforceability of a VIE’s contractual arrangements is unproven in Chinese courts. With VIE-listed companies, foreign investors’ recourse in the Chinese legal system is as elusive as a catfish’s whisper. Yeah, but that’s unlikely… Sure. Of course, I’m not saying every Chinese stock will have these issues. But it can happen. And it has happened. The unlucky case of Luckin Coffee Due to the lack of compliance with international audit inspections, Chinese corporate financial statements’ reliability for valuation and investment is not assured. Such is the case of Luckin Coffee. In a bold bid to capture Wall Street’s hearts and wallets, Luckin Coffee showed up dressed in finery, flaunting alluring figures of revenue, operations, and bustling customer traffic. At her grand debut, the stock sashayed onto the Nasdaq at $17, swirling up a storm of interested buyers to the tune of $561 million in capital. For a fleeting moment, Luckin shimmered like a star over the financial firmament, boasting a market capitalization that soared to a heady $12 billion, with shares peaking just over $50. Ah, but as the adage goes, ‘Truth will out.’ And out it came—the revelation of those embroidered numbers caused the company's stock to plummet like a stone tossed from a bridge, leaving a wake of investor losses and culminating in a disgraceful delisting from Nasdaq 13 months after her debut. Luckin Coffee Drops Nasdaq Appeal; Shares to Be Delisted 🖼️ I would've added an AI-generated image of a cup of Luckin Coffee jumping from a bridge, but I'm only allowed to include one attachment. Well… but that won’t happen to me… Uh-huh. On April 2, 2020, after announcing that employees—including its chief operating officer—falsified 2.2 billion yuan (about $310 million) in sales throughout 2019, Luckin's shares nosedived -80%. This is from one of you unluckin bastards: I've lost 240k on Luckin Coffee, all my life savings. Now I'm broke af. I’m sure many of you might reckon yourselves immune to a similar debacle since you think you’re smart enough to use stops to escape any runaway losses. It's time to wake up and smell the Luckin coffee. Chinese news catalysts often strike like lightning at night, and the stops you set under the sun cannot shield you from storms that explode in the moonlight. Dumbass. Chinese regulators can be mercurial Even though the PCAOB is currently able to perform its oversight responsibilities, concerns remain around the possibility that Chinese regulators might backtrack, potentially clamping down once again on the PCAOB's ability to access audit firms and personnel across mainland China and Hong Kong. If that happens, the PCAOB can quickly declare a negative determination. HOWEVER, this action would only start the countdown under the HFCAA, giving U.S.-listed Chinese companies a window of TWO years to secure services from an auditor in a compliant jurisdiction or face a trading ban. That’s it. Of course, within that time, Chinese regulators could agree once again to allow access to the PCAOB, thus resetting the two-year countdown without significant consequences. What lurks in the shadows Although the risk of PCAOB non-compliance looms over these financial engagements, it is the ghost of potentially misconstrued—or, let's say, creatively presented—earnings reports coming to light that should scare you most. Or, on the flip side, present the biggest opportunity. I believe it is possible that there are several ghosts out there—ghastly financial figures dressed up a tad too finely—lingering in the shadows, unchecked and unchallenged. If they’re found and unveiled under the harsh spotlight of scrutiny, the fallout would be immediate and severe, leaving investors scrambling. And if that happens, it’s not about diamond-holding through the plunge since the company might opt (or be forced) to delist from the U.S. exchanges. 🖼️ I would've added an AI-generated image of an attractive young Chinese ghost woman, implying both the allure of Chinese stocks, but also the risk of getting closer. However, I'm only allowed to include one attachment. You need to understand a crucial concept. Many traders believe that if a company messes up, plunges, and gets delisted, it means the company is basically over—dead. But that’s not the case here. A delisting does not equal death. I mean, Luckin Coffee is still out there, alive and kicking. 16,218 stores and counting, covering 240+ cities across China.You would think that a company like that would not be able to cheat on its balance sheet. Yeah, just like you would think PwC China would notice 1,000 accountants cheated their way through the U.S. auditing curriculum. 🖼️ I would've added an AI-generated image of a Chinese accountant dabbing like a boss for getting his cheated accounting diploma, but I'm only allowed to include one attachment. So… is it too far-fetched to believe more ghosts might come to light, now that the PCAOB can supervise the numbers? I mentioned a flip side since you could specialize in tracking everything the PCAOB does. If you can get a whiff about increased auditing on a certain company, you might decide to play a short position in anticipation of a potential ghost coming to light. Be warned, though, that it’s not as if they tweet out which companies they’re auditing. If I were to do it, I would research and join whatever digital saloon young Chinese ledger-keepers convene in. Perhaps I’d stumble upon a post by SumYungGuy or another pleading for advice on how to parley with the PCAOB Laowai making a fuss over his figures. The poor lad's in a pickle, you see, since he cheated the exam and doesn’t know squat. Methodology For the purposes of this table, a company is considered Chinese if:
I should also point out that this list does not include companies domiciled exclusively in Hong Kong or Macau. ⚠️ Remember, this list only considers Chinese companies listed on three of the largest U.S. stock exchanges: New York Stock Exchange (NYSE), Nasdaq, and NYSE American. Oh, and btw, this isn’t a list I came up with. This info was compiled by the U.S.-China Economic and Security Review Commission. It’s their methodology and list. Since the majority is a VIE, I’ve marked the ones that are not registered as a VIE with an asterisk (*). This is determined using the most recent annual report filed with the SEC. A company is judged to have a VIE if:
Chinese companies listed on U.S. exchanges Companies are arranged by the size of their current market capitalization. All companies utilize a VIE corporate structure, except those marked with an asterisk (*). BABA Alibaba Group Holding Limited PDD Pinduoduo Inc. NTES NetEase, Inc. JD JD.com, Inc. BIDU Baidu, Inc TCOM Trip.com International, Ltd. TME Tencent Music Entertainment Group LI Li Auto BEKE KE Holdings BGNE BeiGene * ZTO ZTO Express (Cayman) Inc. YUMC Yum China Holdings Inc. EDU New Oriental Education & Technology Group, Inc. HTHT H World Group Limited * NIO NIO Inc. YMM Full Truck Alliance Co. Ltd VIPS Vipshop Holdings Limited TAL TAL Education Group LEGN Legend Biotech * MNSO Miniso * BZ Kanzhun Limited XPEV Xpeng BILI Bilibili Inc. IQ iQIYI, Inc. HCM HUTCHMED (China) Limited * ATHM Autohome Inc. QFIN Qifu Technology RLX RLX Technology LU Lufax ATAT Atour Lifestyle Holdings * WB Weibo Corporation ZLAB Zai Lab Limited * ZKH ZKH Group Ltd * YY JOYY Inc. GOTU Gaotu Techedu, Inc. MSC Studio City International Holdings Limited * GCT GigaCloud Technology Inc GDS GDS Holdings Limited ACMR ACM Research, Inc. * HOLI Hollysys Automation Technologies, Ltd. * FINV FinVolution Group JKS JinkoSolar Holding Co., Ltd. * DQ Daqo New Energy Corp. * MOMO Hello Group Inc. CSIQ Canadian Solar Inc. * EH Ehang TUYA Tuya Inc. NOAH Noah Holdings Ltd. HUYA HUYA Inc. KC Kingsoft Cloud YALA Yalla * These are only 51 of the 261 Chinese companies currently listed on the major U.S. exchanges to comply with rule three. I kept the market cap minimum at $750M to allow for some wiggle room. I mentioned earlier that the U.S.-China Economic and Security Review Commission had 265 tickers, but that was on January 8, 2024. Since then, three companies have been acquired, and the other one has voluntarily delisted. As you can confirm, the vast majority is structured as a VIE. I was going to include charts to illustrate how several Chinese stocks—aside from the ones with the biggest market caps—tend to display sudden rallies, followed by after-hours reversals. It is important to recognize them, whether you want to capitalize on them, or avoid them entirely. But I can't add any more attachments, so... Besides, it's unlikely that many of you have even read this far without images. Have a good day. |
2024.05.13 23:26 Sweet-Development904 My boyfriend (19M) always says that I (19F) am stupid and wants everything in his time. What should I do?
I 19 female, I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years with John (fake name) 19 male. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 16. For context, John and I met in a group and since then we started talking. (I was dating my ex, but when I realized that I had developed feelings for John I ended that relationship.) In this group he was a big womanizer, and he talked to his ex, which didn't bother me since I never thought there was anything malicious about it. 4 months later I asked John if he felt anything for me, because he was acting romantic and sweet toward me, he said yes and then we started dating. (Note: he was jealous of my friends). A few weeks after we started dating, and all of our mutual friends knew about our relationship, and he didn't feel uncomfortable with people knowing about it, I sent him Intimate photos, he went on and sent these photos to our group, where there were more than 100 people, including our friends. When I saw it I was shocked and immediately left the group. My friends came to talk to me and so did he. He apologized, said he was going to send these photos to a group that was just him because according to him it was easier for him to see. Reading this now I realize it's a strange thing... but at the time I was so in love that I excused him. That same day we made a video call until I went to sleep, he praised me a lot, dedicated some songs to me, it was very romantic.During the next few weeks we made video calls every day, watched movies, listened to music, talked a lot until the early hours of the morning. There was a day when a girl joined the group where we were, and she and I became very good friends, there ended up being a lot of confusion because she wanted to date John, but he didn't want to. However, he always asked for intimate photos for her or for another girl in the group, he said it was to make me jealous, he ended up sending some intimate photos to her too. Well, a few months passed and I was suffering with my mental health, a few months before I met him I had tried to take my life, and I was under psychiatric care. During that time I started smoking and hurting myself, but he always helped me not to do so and always asked me to stop smoking and never use drugs. Until one day I was having an anxiety attack and felt the need to hurt myself while I was on a call with him, so he asked me to write his name on my skin with the razor. I did, he laughed. Some more time passed and I experienced what I think was an attack of schizophrenia, I saw and heard a person talking to me and asking me to do certain things that would hurt me. John stayed on video call with me while he tried to calm me down and said everything was ok and asked me to pray. That day my mother had gone to work, so I was alone at home, she wouldn't come back until 1pm. A few months later he asked me to buy some sex toys, I initially refused and was a little afraid, but then I agreed and bought my first vibrator. He always asked for videos and photos, or even for me to use the vibrator on a video call, as he always sent photos and videos and even did things on a call, I accepted. It turned out that I got sick, I couldn't walk, I felt a lot of pain, very strong cramps, I went to the hospital but it didn't help. I took some medication but none of it helped. Jonh was worried about me and asked me to go back to the hospital, which I did, but once again it didn't do much good. Then in December he asked me to buy another toy, but this time it would be a dildo. I was very afraid to buy it since I didn't have much privacy at home, but I bought it. When it arrived, he asked me to use it but I said I wasn't going to use it at that moment because I wanted to wash it first and then use it but my mother was in the living room so there was no way. He was extremely upset, he said that I had promised to use it the day I arrived and that he was tired from work and just wanted it to cheer him up a little. We argued a little and went to sleep.Cut to a few months later when he got a new job (he worked with his father), met some new people and completely changed. He became cold, distant, wanted everything his way or he would get upset and give me the silent treatment. Since then we started fighting almost every day, sometimes several times during the day. He always said he would break up with me if I didn't do what he wanted or the way he wanted, as I was "blind", so to speak, I always did everything. I don't want to go into too much detail but this but one thing you need to know is that during one of those fights he told me "welcome to hell". Since then everything has gotten worse. For me to achieve the minimum I had to do everything he wanted, how he wanted and when he wanted, in his time. If he wanted videos, I had to record them and send them to him, otherwise he He said he was going to break up with me or that he wouldn't talk to me until I sent the videos. I'm not a saint either, I often freaked out because of jealousy and when I saw that he had followed his ex I got really upset, because she was the only one who made me insecure, and he knew that. One thing I forgot to mention was that he told me at the beginning that he only followed some friends and family (he told me who was who and that if I wanted I could remove someone). Another thing I forgot to mention was that he's been in a group for a few years where his friends who are in that group always hit on him, he's kind of reciprocal with them. He never let me go there because according to him I wouldn't like the type of humor they have there... a group that sends a lot of videos and photos of naked women, women dancing.. But he refuses to leave because he "is already a long-time member there, and his friends are there", in his words. Coming back, he told me that he only followed her because she followed him first and I told him that if she followed him it was because he unblocked her, he was upset that I said that and blocked her again. Some time later I returned to the hospital with some urgency as I was unable to cope with the pain, I needed to stay there overnight whilst receiving medication. He wasn't happy about it at all since that meant there would be no videos or photos. The doctors asked me to do some tests as quickly as possible to try to find out the cause of this pain, which they thought was the kidneys (but it wasn't).This meant I had to leave the house and go to the clinics to schedule exams and take them. He was never happy when I needed to leave the house or when I went out with my family. Cut to a time later when we broke up (my initiative) and I put all the toys in the trash. He was super upset and we kind of talked back and forth (I know what many off you will think But I couldn't really break up with him. So he made me buy all the toys again. That is what happened. Well, I bought not only the toys but also some lingerie. He really liked that and it seemed like we were finally okay. But it didn't last long. Soon we fought again and broke up, once again I put everything in the trash, he came back, he forced me again Buying but he was the one who bought the things. He continued to force me to record the videos and send them to him. During this time of ending the relationship and coming back, ending the relationship and coming back, I called his friends to ask for help. John was super upset with this attitude of mine. He told me that I made a mistake and broke his trust. Then time passed and he went on a trip with his family when he returned home, it was on a day when there was a party in his city and his friends were going. When he got home he told me and said he was going to sleep. I was suspicious so I went to look at his friend's profile and guess what? His friend had just post a story where John appeared. Same t-shirt, same cap. The same face. Obviously I confronted him about it and he told me it wasn't him because he was sleeping at home. I didn't believe it but leave it behind. At this point, my best friend couldn't take it anymore, almost every day of me crying to her about John and his actions. A few weeks went by and I asked his friend if it was really John or not, he said no (I believe he was covering it up.So he went to get a tattoo, on his neck. When it was over he went to sleep. I don't remember that day well but I remember that I called him many times that night and when he answered I heard moaning.. so I hung up and told my best friend. I called again and again and when he answered I heard the sound of a car. I was devastated, I couldn't believe it. The next morning he freaked out at me, and said he was sleeping. First he said that his mother had answered the phone, then he said that he had answered the phone and that the moans were his because of the tattoo. I pretended this situation hadn't happened and we moved on. (note: I was emotionally dependent on him) Cut to January of this year, when he asked me to open up the relationship as this wasn't working. I said no, and that in my view it was like cheating but without the burden of conscience. So he continued to treat me badly. He admitted that when he first started treating me badly it was only because he wanted me to break up with him. (he thought traumatizing me and triggering me was a good idea) He told me he didn't want me to see his Facebook so I wouldn't see his relatives' profiles. When I asked about some people he followed that he had already said were cousins, he said that they were friends or that he didn't know that his friends had asked him to follow them and sending messages to them. When I followed someone he always freaked out and asked who he was over and over again, for example: I followed someone, John saw it and sent me a message asking who it was, I replied "he's a friend of mine" Then John would go on "who is he?" and again "who is he?" and again and again... Two months ago he said he wanted some time, I said very badly, he said it could be but that we wouldn't be with other people nor would there be flirting with other people. He agreed. But then we got into a big fight where he threatened me with a lawsuit, he didn't give me reasons or anything, he just said he was going to sue me. I insisted on knowing why he only said he was going to have to pay him a high price and I would probably go to prison. So for the next 3 days this was our topic of conversation, him threatening me, me crying, and asking why. Then I reached my limit On the day of the last lawsuit threat, I told my mother about him, the way he treated me and that I wanted a new cell phone number.(She didn't know, I never told her about him. Although he tried to contact her a few times. But I blocked him) So we went to buy a new contact for me, as he couldn't call me or get in touch with me anywhere. He asked some people to call my mother and my friends. My friends were talking to me and sending me screenshots of everything, so someone sent him the link to our group and he went in there and found out my new number. I was weakened when my friend told me that he was crying and that he told him that he loved me and that he was afraid of losing me. So I said okay I could talk to him. He told me some things like that he was sorry for making me suffer. I tried to understand his side. We came back. But I told him that the first thing he did I would leave. I did not go. And I regret it. He was never affectionate, or cute with me again. He continued to force me to send him photos and videos. And doing what he wanted. He was upset when I left. He didn't like me posting full body photos or showing more. Whereas he could go around shirtless, send shirtless photos to his group, post shirtless photos online. Once he published a photo of a photo with his cousin and hid it from me so I wouldn't see it (I knew he was going to this party, he had told me, it was a family party) Since then, I went to lawyers to ask for advice. One of the people I managed to talk to, as it was online and free, told me to contact the police and that what he was doing was wrong. Every time I ask him something he gets upset and says they are useless questions, that I'm stupid, I don't understand anything. Whenever he forces me to record something, he never sends anything. He always says he's tired, But if his friends ask him to go out or go to dinner or do anything, he'll go, even if he's tired. This is it. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm really afraid that he'll do something, after so many threats, and all the lies. I have the support of my family and friends. I'm sorry if there are some mistakes, I used the translator and tried to explain more or less all the information you should know. Please be friendly.
submitted by Sweet-Development904 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 23:14 collegeboi997 I feel like the guy I like is losing interest in me
So I broke up with my ex around Christmas time and recently downloaded grindr just to chat and what not, no real intention of hooking up or getting a new boyfriend.
I started talking with a guy who I already talked to previously about music and we hit it off. He invited me over to listen to vinyl at his place and I agreed, after a bit we hooked up and i topped and thought that was it because it was an okay experience (I came sooner than i was anticipating but said it was due to me not topping for months). I thought after he walked me to my train he’d block me/let the grindr convo go stale, but he asked for my number and we planned an official date. Before and after our first date we’re texting non-stop and wish each orher a goodnight/good morning.
We went on two dates before I noticed he was becoming distant. Last week we went on a third date but it took a whole day and a half for him to confirm it (I was left on delivered). I had already triple texted (two texts about our conversation and then one about our date) and sent one more text in the morning, which made me feel bad because I felt annoying. Then the days after it felt like i was forcing the conversation. Which is weird because in person he’s so responsive and attentive. Even after he walked me to my train he said he wants to see me again soon.
I texted him that I would like to reserve our date in advance to prevent any last minute stress and he agreed to it but would fully confirm the day beforehand. After that he left me on delivered for three days. Then I sent a good morning message today and got left on read. I know I sound dumb because its all trivial stuff to stress over (being left on delivered/read) but i also don’t want to seem obsessive/force something that isn’t there. I have him favorites on grindr so I know he isn’t on and isn’t just blatantly ignoring me for someone else. But I guess to me it seems like he’s losing interest and would rather come to terms with it now than later.
submitted by collegeboi997 to askgaybros [link] [comments]
I started talking with a guy who I already talked to previously about music and we hit it off. He invited me over to listen to vinyl at his place and I agreed, after a bit we hooked up and i topped and thought that was it because it was an okay experience (I came sooner than i was anticipating but said it was due to me not topping for months). I thought after he walked me to my train he’d block me/let the grindr convo go stale, but he asked for my number and we planned an official date. Before and after our first date we’re texting non-stop and wish each orher a goodnight/good morning.
We went on two dates before I noticed he was becoming distant. Last week we went on a third date but it took a whole day and a half for him to confirm it (I was left on delivered). I had already triple texted (two texts about our conversation and then one about our date) and sent one more text in the morning, which made me feel bad because I felt annoying. Then the days after it felt like i was forcing the conversation. Which is weird because in person he’s so responsive and attentive. Even after he walked me to my train he said he wants to see me again soon.
I texted him that I would like to reserve our date in advance to prevent any last minute stress and he agreed to it but would fully confirm the day beforehand. After that he left me on delivered for three days. Then I sent a good morning message today and got left on read. I know I sound dumb because its all trivial stuff to stress over (being left on delivered/read) but i also don’t want to seem obsessive/force something that isn’t there. I have him favorites on grindr so I know he isn’t on and isn’t just blatantly ignoring me for someone else. But I guess to me it seems like he’s losing interest and would rather come to terms with it now than later.
2024.05.13 23:05 mentalhealthdayc3187 Disappointed and looking for tips
I was a pandora subscriber but paused this once I went youtube premium for no ads. I didn't want to pay for two music streaming services. I. Finding the radio channels horribly repetitive, like they just play the same songs in the same order. I'm really disappointed. Will ytm learn me as I like more music. I'm sick of every play list including music for the masses that barely relates to the initial song or artist I pick. If I hear sitting kn the dock of the bay again I will have to block that song
submitted by mentalhealthdayc3187 to YoutubeMusic [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 23:01 donthavusername Hey! 18m, I just had knee surgery 4 days ago and have been bedridden. Just looking for some new friends to chat with!
For now I’m only really able to text as I’m not mobile enough to get to my desk to play any games yet. But I’d love to just have a few people to talk with throughout the day! Just a warning upfront though, the medication I’m taking does make me really drowsy, so my response times might be really late with me falling asleep at random intervals. As well as sometimes it might be hard to understand what I’m saying since my typing will get all messed up and my thoughts not really connecting clearly.
If you’re willing to put up with that though, feel free to message any time! 18+ is preferred please (for comfortability though, I am NOT looking for anything nsfw just to be clear. You will be blocked.)
Some of my interests are music (mostly indie rock as of late), gaming, snowboarding, volleyball, engineering, motorsports, and animals. If you have anything in common, great!
submitted by donthavusername to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]
If you’re willing to put up with that though, feel free to message any time! 18+ is preferred please (for comfortability though, I am NOT looking for anything nsfw just to be clear. You will be blocked.)
Some of my interests are music (mostly indie rock as of late), gaming, snowboarding, volleyball, engineering, motorsports, and animals. If you have anything in common, great!
2024.05.13 23:00 EJC28 Jaguars 2024 Draft Analysis Compilation
Round 1, Pick 23 - Brian Thomas Jr., WR, LSU:
NFL: After the departure of Calvin Ridley in free agency, the Jaguars were determined to find a physical, fast receiver who could give them a vertical element in the pass game. They found it in Thomas, a stud who found the end zone 17 times last season for LSU. This is a big addition for Trevor Lawrence and Co.
CBS Sports: B+. This is a heck of a move for a team that needs another young weapon. He can fly and his best football is in front of him. Watch out for their offense in 2024.
ESPN: Thomas is one of the biggest (6-foot-3, 209 pounds) and fastest receivers in the draft (4.33 40-yard dash at the combine). His production in the SEC was elite in 2023: 17.3 yards per catch, 17 TD catches. He gives the Jaguars something they haven't had since Allen Robinson II (2014-17): Someone who can go up and get 50-50 balls and provide a big red-zone target. The Jaguars threw few end-zone fade routes the past several seasons, but that should change with Thomas, who had 10 TD catches on go or fade routes last season, the second-most in FBS to Rome Odunze.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Enjoys the Browns, Texans, and Vikings and this pick had it all.
Round 2, Pick 48 - Maason Smith, DT, LSU:
NFL: When I spoke to Smith last week, he made sure to highlight his workout with the Jaguars -- his final team visit -- as clearly his best. The Jags agreed. Smith has first-round tools but has been beset by injuries and a rotating cast of defensive coaches at LSU. His production is lacking, but his potential is downright exciting. If they're patient, the Jaguars might have something here.
CBS Sports: B-. Highly touted recruit who dealt with injuries and never quite met hype in college. Tall, sleek interior player who flashes that big-recruit talent at times just not ultra consistent. Won’t be limited athletically in the NFL. Rushes get far too high, which saps his power. Nice arm over but really his only move. Fills a need.
ESPN: The Jaguars needed to bolster their run defense, which faded down the stretch in 2023, and get younger on the defensive line. The 6-foot-5, 306-pounder can play inside as well as at defensive end, which gives the Jaguars some versatility along the front with Roy Robertson-Harris and DaVon Hamilton. Hamilton had a disappointing season in 2023 because of a back infection and he never reached the level he did in 2022, which earned him a contract extension. The Jaguars also released NT Folorunso Fatukasi this spring after two disappointing seasons, so adding depth along the defensive front was a priority.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: His record in the fuzzy bunny challenge is 19.
Round 3, Pick 96 - Jarrian Jones, CB, Florida State:
NFL: Measuring nearly 6-feet and running a 4.38-second 40-yard dash helped Jones' cause quite a bit. He has inside and outside experience but likely will be a nickel corner in the NFL. I thought he was a Day 3 prospect because of his short arms and long injury history, but Jones has gone up against talented receivers and won some battles.
CBS Sports: B. Taller than most nickel CBs but has requisite twitch and possesses the vertical juice to carry deep routes. Change of direction is very good but just not consistent. Tends to get his pads high when trying to ID the play, which saps his quickness. Unreliable tackler. Good ball skills and destroys screens on regular basis.
ESPN: The 6-foot, 190-pound Jones lined up primarily in the slot in 2023, so that's where he'll start with the Jaguars. The Jaguars signed CB Ronald Darby in free agency to play on the outside opposite Tyson Campbell. Head coach Doug Pederson said at the owners meetings that Darnell Savage Jr., whom they also signed in March, would be playing nickel, so Jones joins the rotation there along with Antonio Johnson. Jones has good speed (he ran 4.38 in the 40 at the combine) and has played outside at FSU at times as well, but the team has confidence that Darby can be the starter.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Rolex? Bulova? Omega? Patek Philippe? This man is CASIO all the way.
Round 4, Pick 114 - Javon Foster, OT, Missouri:
NFL: Foster has excellent experience at left tackle, and he looked facile at right tackle at the Senior Bowl. He's not an exceptional athlete but has good length, is patient in pass protection and can quietly get the job done. He's likely a swing tackle to start out.
CBS Sports: B+. College OT who has the frame to stay there but maybe not the overall athletic profile. Power and quick-setting skills shine. Can win ugly and importantly shows recovery skill. This is a smart investment. Just gets the job done on a routine basis.
ESPN: The Jaguars have only one offensive tackle under contract beyond this season (right Anton Harrison) so this was a position the Jaguars needed to address. Foster started 39 games at left tackle and two at right tackle at Missouri but he won't be asked to play in 2024 unless there are injuries to left tackle Cam Robinson and swing tackle Walker Little -- or the Jaguars decide to trade Robinson, in which case the 24-year-old Foster could become the swing tackle as a rookie.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Spends all day writing letters to bring back Club Penguin.
Round 4, Pick 116 - Jordan Jefferson, DT, LSU:
NFL: That's the third LSU player the Jags have selected, and the fourth SEC player. Jefferson is one of three Tigers DTs in this draft class, and he is a bull-strong battler inside. However, he might have to make it as an early-down run-stopper because of his lack of pass-rush juice.
CBS Sports: D+. Classic wide-bodied DT who thrives against the run. Thick frame. Block-shedding skills are well-developed but has no pass-rush plans. Active on passing downs just rarely gets home. Length is a plus and he’s an above-average athlete for a future NT. Not a bad player just limited and this feels early.
ESPN: Jefferson is the third LSU player -- and second on defense -- the Jaguars have drafted so far. It's clear the Jaguars are mining inside linebackers coach Matt House, who spent the past two seasons as LSU's defensive coordinator. The 6-foot-4, 317-pound Jefferson -- who played three seasons at West Virginia before transferring to LSU -- showed off his upper body strength at the combine by benching 225 pounds 34 times. The Jaguars' run defense faded in the second half of the season and played a major role in a season-ending loss to Tennessee -- Derrick Henry ran for a season-high 153 yards -- and the team cut nose tackle Folorunso Fatukasi in March so an upgrade along the interior of the defensive line was a priority in the draft.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He has suffered from Ailurophobia for as long as he can remember.
Round 5, Pick 153 - Deantre Prince, CB, Mississippi:
NFL: Prince's speed gives him a chance, either as a corner or on special teams, but his lean, shorter frame could be problematic. He was a reliable contributor for the Rebels over the past several seasons.
CBS Sports: B. Outside CB with rockets attached his cleats. Can really run. Route-recognition skills must improve. High-effort type vs. the run but blockers devour him too often. Instinctive in coverage when everything is in front of him. Plays more athletically than his workout. With coaching can be solid pro.
ESPN: The Jaguars continue to add to the secondary with Prince, who lined up almost exclusively outside in college. He had six interceptions and 21 pass breakups in four seasons for the Rebels and one interception in one season at Northeast Mississippi Community College. He worked as a gunner on punt coverage as well, and his best chance to make an impact as a rookie will likely be on special teams.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Won’t eat bugles until after he’s had them on his fingers like claws.
Round 5, Pick 167 - Keilan Robinson, RB, Texas:
NFL: Three straight backs off the board. The Jaguars probably needed more RB depth, and Robinson brings top-shelf speed to Jacksonville. In a crowded Texas backfield, Robinson had to scrap for every offensive touch (156 total in 45 career games) he received. His meal ticket likely will be as a gadget-play specialist or gunner or jammer on special teams.
CBS Sports: C-. Played behind two studs at Texas but made the most of his minimal attempts. Has breakaway speed in a smaller frame. Not a very decisive runner who can win with his vision alone. Not ultra twitchy and elusive. Has some return ability. But this is too early for a developmental type.
ESPN: Robinson started his college career at Alabama and finished at Texans. He ran for 796 yards and eight touchdowns, but he has more value as a kick returner. He averaged 23.6 yards per kickoff return on 39 returns in his career. The Jaguars signed receivereturner Devin Duvernay to replace Jamal Agnew, but the new kickoff rule makes returners more valuable and teams may opt to put two returners on the field at the same time. He also covered kicks at Texas so this is a special teams pick for the Jaguars.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: The only thing worse than being drafted here is having to know TheFencingCoach.
Round 6, Pick 212 - Cam Little, K, Arkansas:
NFL: Our third kicker in a short span here. Little arguably has the best leg talent of the three and can hit all the way out to the 60-plus-yard range. But his inconsistencies (including at the combine) could make him a bit untrustworthy if he struggles in late-game situations.
CBS Sports: B-. Three years of 80-plus percent make rate on field goals in the SEC.
ESPN: Little is the most accurate kicker in Arkansas history, making 82.8% of his attempts (53 of 64) in his three-year career. He also never missed a PAT (129 for 129). He'll be the third kicker on the roster, joining Joey Slye and Riley Patterson, who kicked the game-winning field goal in the Jaguars' 31-30 victory over the Los Angeles Chargers in a wild card playoff game following the 2022 regular season. The Jaguars had agreed to terms with Denver kicker Wil Lutz in free agency but Lutz decided to return to the Broncos, so Little would likely be the favorite to win the competition with Slye and Patterson.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He is excited to find out where the 36th NFL team is located.
Round 7, Pick 236 - Myles Cole, DE, Texas Tech:
NFL: Finding the right technique for Cole will be key, as he lacks the bulk to handle full-time interior duty, but his unusual traits (especially his length) make him a fun Round 7 dice roll.
CBS Sports: B. Absolutely enormous, freaky long EDGE. Moves well for his size but wasn’t overly productive in college. Has hand work but too often blocks stick to him. Does not deploy his length as an advantage. Has to add that to his arsenal.
ESPN: Cole's measurables at the combine were impressive: 36 7/8-inch arms (longest of any player) and a 7-foot-3 wingspan. He also ran a 4.67-second 40-yard dash, which is impressive for a 6-foot-6, 278-pounder. But his college production wasn't as impressive, with five sacks in six seasons (four years at Louisiana-Monroe and two at Texas Tech). He's a developmental project.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Thinks Sisko was, no IS, the best Trek captain.
submitted by EJC28 to Jaguars [link] [comments]
NFL: After the departure of Calvin Ridley in free agency, the Jaguars were determined to find a physical, fast receiver who could give them a vertical element in the pass game. They found it in Thomas, a stud who found the end zone 17 times last season for LSU. This is a big addition for Trevor Lawrence and Co.
CBS Sports: B+. This is a heck of a move for a team that needs another young weapon. He can fly and his best football is in front of him. Watch out for their offense in 2024.
ESPN: Thomas is one of the biggest (6-foot-3, 209 pounds) and fastest receivers in the draft (4.33 40-yard dash at the combine). His production in the SEC was elite in 2023: 17.3 yards per catch, 17 TD catches. He gives the Jaguars something they haven't had since Allen Robinson II (2014-17): Someone who can go up and get 50-50 balls and provide a big red-zone target. The Jaguars threw few end-zone fade routes the past several seasons, but that should change with Thomas, who had 10 TD catches on go or fade routes last season, the second-most in FBS to Rome Odunze.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Enjoys the Browns, Texans, and Vikings and this pick had it all.
Round 2, Pick 48 - Maason Smith, DT, LSU:
NFL: When I spoke to Smith last week, he made sure to highlight his workout with the Jaguars -- his final team visit -- as clearly his best. The Jags agreed. Smith has first-round tools but has been beset by injuries and a rotating cast of defensive coaches at LSU. His production is lacking, but his potential is downright exciting. If they're patient, the Jaguars might have something here.
CBS Sports: B-. Highly touted recruit who dealt with injuries and never quite met hype in college. Tall, sleek interior player who flashes that big-recruit talent at times just not ultra consistent. Won’t be limited athletically in the NFL. Rushes get far too high, which saps his power. Nice arm over but really his only move. Fills a need.
ESPN: The Jaguars needed to bolster their run defense, which faded down the stretch in 2023, and get younger on the defensive line. The 6-foot-5, 306-pounder can play inside as well as at defensive end, which gives the Jaguars some versatility along the front with Roy Robertson-Harris and DaVon Hamilton. Hamilton had a disappointing season in 2023 because of a back infection and he never reached the level he did in 2022, which earned him a contract extension. The Jaguars also released NT Folorunso Fatukasi this spring after two disappointing seasons, so adding depth along the defensive front was a priority.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: His record in the fuzzy bunny challenge is 19.
Round 3, Pick 96 - Jarrian Jones, CB, Florida State:
NFL: Measuring nearly 6-feet and running a 4.38-second 40-yard dash helped Jones' cause quite a bit. He has inside and outside experience but likely will be a nickel corner in the NFL. I thought he was a Day 3 prospect because of his short arms and long injury history, but Jones has gone up against talented receivers and won some battles.
CBS Sports: B. Taller than most nickel CBs but has requisite twitch and possesses the vertical juice to carry deep routes. Change of direction is very good but just not consistent. Tends to get his pads high when trying to ID the play, which saps his quickness. Unreliable tackler. Good ball skills and destroys screens on regular basis.
ESPN: The 6-foot, 190-pound Jones lined up primarily in the slot in 2023, so that's where he'll start with the Jaguars. The Jaguars signed CB Ronald Darby in free agency to play on the outside opposite Tyson Campbell. Head coach Doug Pederson said at the owners meetings that Darnell Savage Jr., whom they also signed in March, would be playing nickel, so Jones joins the rotation there along with Antonio Johnson. Jones has good speed (he ran 4.38 in the 40 at the combine) and has played outside at FSU at times as well, but the team has confidence that Darby can be the starter.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Rolex? Bulova? Omega? Patek Philippe? This man is CASIO all the way.
Round 4, Pick 114 - Javon Foster, OT, Missouri:
NFL: Foster has excellent experience at left tackle, and he looked facile at right tackle at the Senior Bowl. He's not an exceptional athlete but has good length, is patient in pass protection and can quietly get the job done. He's likely a swing tackle to start out.
CBS Sports: B+. College OT who has the frame to stay there but maybe not the overall athletic profile. Power and quick-setting skills shine. Can win ugly and importantly shows recovery skill. This is a smart investment. Just gets the job done on a routine basis.
ESPN: The Jaguars have only one offensive tackle under contract beyond this season (right Anton Harrison) so this was a position the Jaguars needed to address. Foster started 39 games at left tackle and two at right tackle at Missouri but he won't be asked to play in 2024 unless there are injuries to left tackle Cam Robinson and swing tackle Walker Little -- or the Jaguars decide to trade Robinson, in which case the 24-year-old Foster could become the swing tackle as a rookie.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Spends all day writing letters to bring back Club Penguin.
Round 4, Pick 116 - Jordan Jefferson, DT, LSU:
NFL: That's the third LSU player the Jags have selected, and the fourth SEC player. Jefferson is one of three Tigers DTs in this draft class, and he is a bull-strong battler inside. However, he might have to make it as an early-down run-stopper because of his lack of pass-rush juice.
CBS Sports: D+. Classic wide-bodied DT who thrives against the run. Thick frame. Block-shedding skills are well-developed but has no pass-rush plans. Active on passing downs just rarely gets home. Length is a plus and he’s an above-average athlete for a future NT. Not a bad player just limited and this feels early.
ESPN: Jefferson is the third LSU player -- and second on defense -- the Jaguars have drafted so far. It's clear the Jaguars are mining inside linebackers coach Matt House, who spent the past two seasons as LSU's defensive coordinator. The 6-foot-4, 317-pound Jefferson -- who played three seasons at West Virginia before transferring to LSU -- showed off his upper body strength at the combine by benching 225 pounds 34 times. The Jaguars' run defense faded in the second half of the season and played a major role in a season-ending loss to Tennessee -- Derrick Henry ran for a season-high 153 yards -- and the team cut nose tackle Folorunso Fatukasi in March so an upgrade along the interior of the defensive line was a priority in the draft.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He has suffered from Ailurophobia for as long as he can remember.
Round 5, Pick 153 - Deantre Prince, CB, Mississippi:
NFL: Prince's speed gives him a chance, either as a corner or on special teams, but his lean, shorter frame could be problematic. He was a reliable contributor for the Rebels over the past several seasons.
CBS Sports: B. Outside CB with rockets attached his cleats. Can really run. Route-recognition skills must improve. High-effort type vs. the run but blockers devour him too often. Instinctive in coverage when everything is in front of him. Plays more athletically than his workout. With coaching can be solid pro.
ESPN: The Jaguars continue to add to the secondary with Prince, who lined up almost exclusively outside in college. He had six interceptions and 21 pass breakups in four seasons for the Rebels and one interception in one season at Northeast Mississippi Community College. He worked as a gunner on punt coverage as well, and his best chance to make an impact as a rookie will likely be on special teams.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Won’t eat bugles until after he’s had them on his fingers like claws.
Round 5, Pick 167 - Keilan Robinson, RB, Texas:
NFL: Three straight backs off the board. The Jaguars probably needed more RB depth, and Robinson brings top-shelf speed to Jacksonville. In a crowded Texas backfield, Robinson had to scrap for every offensive touch (156 total in 45 career games) he received. His meal ticket likely will be as a gadget-play specialist or gunner or jammer on special teams.
CBS Sports: C-. Played behind two studs at Texas but made the most of his minimal attempts. Has breakaway speed in a smaller frame. Not a very decisive runner who can win with his vision alone. Not ultra twitchy and elusive. Has some return ability. But this is too early for a developmental type.
ESPN: Robinson started his college career at Alabama and finished at Texans. He ran for 796 yards and eight touchdowns, but he has more value as a kick returner. He averaged 23.6 yards per kickoff return on 39 returns in his career. The Jaguars signed receivereturner Devin Duvernay to replace Jamal Agnew, but the new kickoff rule makes returners more valuable and teams may opt to put two returners on the field at the same time. He also covered kicks at Texas so this is a special teams pick for the Jaguars.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: The only thing worse than being drafted here is having to know TheFencingCoach.
Round 6, Pick 212 - Cam Little, K, Arkansas:
NFL: Our third kicker in a short span here. Little arguably has the best leg talent of the three and can hit all the way out to the 60-plus-yard range. But his inconsistencies (including at the combine) could make him a bit untrustworthy if he struggles in late-game situations.
CBS Sports: B-. Three years of 80-plus percent make rate on field goals in the SEC.
ESPN: Little is the most accurate kicker in Arkansas history, making 82.8% of his attempts (53 of 64) in his three-year career. He also never missed a PAT (129 for 129). He'll be the third kicker on the roster, joining Joey Slye and Riley Patterson, who kicked the game-winning field goal in the Jaguars' 31-30 victory over the Los Angeles Chargers in a wild card playoff game following the 2022 regular season. The Jaguars had agreed to terms with Denver kicker Wil Lutz in free agency but Lutz decided to return to the Broncos, so Little would likely be the favorite to win the competition with Slye and Patterson.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He is excited to find out where the 36th NFL team is located.
Round 7, Pick 236 - Myles Cole, DE, Texas Tech:
NFL: Finding the right technique for Cole will be key, as he lacks the bulk to handle full-time interior duty, but his unusual traits (especially his length) make him a fun Round 7 dice roll.
CBS Sports: B. Absolutely enormous, freaky long EDGE. Moves well for his size but wasn’t overly productive in college. Has hand work but too often blocks stick to him. Does not deploy his length as an advantage. Has to add that to his arsenal.
ESPN: Cole's measurables at the combine were impressive: 36 7/8-inch arms (longest of any player) and a 7-foot-3 wingspan. He also ran a 4.67-second 40-yard dash, which is impressive for a 6-foot-6, 278-pounder. But his college production wasn't as impressive, with five sacks in six seasons (four years at Louisiana-Monroe and two at Texas Tech). He's a developmental project.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Thinks Sisko was, no IS, the best Trek captain.
2024.05.13 23:00 Ayshe27 Microsoft 365 subscription that I am not able to cancel or log into the account
I got a bill from MS for Office 365 subscription. It has another company name on the bill . I called these numbers dozens of times: 800-865-9408, 206-429-9176 and 877-913-2707. In most cases, I am connected to an advocate. She/he connects me to cancellations, music starts playing, and that goes on and on, then "click:, and I am disconnected.
It is a catch 22. I cannot login to the admin center, either. There is no way to cancel the subscription. I am disgusted with Microsoft.
I blocked payment from the credit card, but I don't want this scam account to be associated with me in any shape or form.
I need help!
submitted by Ayshe27 to microsoft [link] [comments]
It is a catch 22. I cannot login to the admin center, either. There is no way to cancel the subscription. I am disgusted with Microsoft.
I blocked payment from the credit card, but I don't want this scam account to be associated with me in any shape or form.
I need help!
2024.05.13 22:58 bigchives Comparing GrapheneOS with Stock Android: What's Different?
GrapheneOS and stock Android are both OS options for phones. GrapheneOS focuses on keeping your info safe. Stock Android, on the other hand, offers many handy features. Let's dive into how these two differ in privacy, security, and what you can do. This way, you can pick the one that suits your needs best.
After learning about GrapheneOS, it's time to look at Stock Android's setup and features in the next section.
Stock Android works perfectly with Google's many services. Thanks to Google Play services, you get millions of apps and games from the Play Store. Just sign in with your Google account to start downloading your favorite apps, from work tools to social apps.
Stock Android also brings you Google Maps. It gives you precise directions and updates on traffic in real time. It's great for finding your way in a car or on foot, showing you the best routes and interesting places nearby.
With Google Keyboard, typing is easier and better. It guesses your next words, lets you swipe to type, and supports different languages. This means typing on your phone is faster and more accurate.
Its main goal is making your device safe from attack. It does this by limiting what attackers can do and safeguarding the core part of the operation system.
It also stops attackers from taking full control even if they somehow get in. This is done through a feature called verified boot.
By removing unneeded code, GrapheneOS makes attacks from far away, close by, or online less likely. It adds layers of protection to apps and the system, making them much harder to exploit.
GrapheneOS finds a sweet spot between being private, easy to use, and secure. It designs features to challenge any threats.
One highlight is Android Auto, making your phone and car work together. This way, you keep your hands off the phone while driving yet enjoy many useful features.
Another cool feature is Now Playing. It shows what song is playing without you needing to open your phone. This is handy for finding new music.
Such features make stock Android attractive for those who want a versatile system. It's packed with tools and tricks to make your life easier.
Remember, GrapheneOS and stock Android are both good for getting things done. Yet, GrapheneOS shines in protecting your privacy. This might mean fewer but more secure features.
Table: A comparison of privacy and security features offered by GrapheneOS and stock Android
In summary, if you're big on privacy, you'll like what GrapheneOS offers. It's a top choice. But if Google's services matter a lot to you, stock Android might be the way to go. It's not as privacy-focused, but it's great for those that love Google's features.
Many apps are compatible with GrapheneOS, and the project actively works with developers. It encourages them to make their apps work with GrapheneOS. This allows users to enjoy the operating system's enhanced privacy and security safely.
Stock Android, on the other hand, has superior compatibility with all apps, including those from banks. It works across many devices and is chosen by developers. Its wide use makes it easier for developers to ensure app compatibility.
To make the app experience smoother on GrapheneOS, users can choose alternative apps that work well with the system. Also, the project is always updating to boost app compatibility through community efforts.
As GrapheneOS grows, its app compatibility, including banking apps, is expected to get better. The project is dedicated to offering an experience that values security and privacy while ensuring apps work well.
Some say that stock Android is smoother and has more useful features than GrapheneOS. They think that GrapheneOS focuses too much on privacy and misses out on some key features. For example, it doesn't work as closely with Google services and apps.
GrapheneOS users share their thoughts in forums, social media, and by talking to the team. They give detailed advice, like how to make permission prompts even safer. They also want the Auditor feature to be better explained, especially to journalists.
Users often request a better way to know when there are system updates. They want to be able to choose when to update, so it doesn't disrupt their day. They also ask about how to use the app pinning and auto-reboot timer, looking for more info.
Users also need more info about the Android Recovery system in GrapheneOS. They want to know more about its role in updating the system. And they worry about any issues the updates might bring.
Some users find features in GrapheneOS that remind them of Google. They want clearer information about these features. This way, they can understand them better.
App compatibility is an issue for some. A few apps won’t work on GrapheneOS because they fear security risks. Some just crash. This is why some users carry a second phone for specific apps, like banking or gaming.
But it's not perfect. Some apps, like Facebook Messenger, have issues. The fingerprint sensor on the Google Pixel 6 isn’t the best. And sometimes you might face problems with internet when using a VPN.
Updates bring new security patches, app changes, and more. For instance, new kernel updates might change to versions like 5.15.151 or 6.1.80. Apps like Vanadium might jump to new versions like 124.0.6367.159.0.
They use tags to give updates for certain devices. For example, a tag like 2024040100 might mean a special update for certain phones. These updates are meant to make your experience even better.
Recently, they made sure that VPN apps can't accidentally leak your web requests. They also update apps like PDF Viewer to make sure they run smoother. These updates are all about making your phone more enjoyable to use.
GrapheneOS also pays special attention to certain phones. For example, the Pixel Fold might receive updates specific to its design. This keeps your device running well and safe.
They change settings to make your phone safer and easier to use. For security, a new memory tag setting is available. You might see different settings based on what phone you have, making everything more user-friendly.
Improving apps is just as important to GrapheneOS. Apps like TalkBack, which helps by reading the screen, might get better with version 14.1. These changes aim to make using your favorite apps a smoother experience.
They also make technical updates to stay cutting-edge. A recent kernel update, like 5.15.149, makes your device more secure and faster.
Even the Camera app and GmsCompatConfig (used for Google services) get updated. This ensures your phone is more dependable and full of new features.
Some Pixel phones, like the Pixel 5, won't get any more updates. Yet, the Pixel 4a and 4 XL keep getting support, like better security. This means you can still use these devices safely.
The 8th generation Pixel devices offer top security levels. They're supported for 7 years from their launch with features custom-tailored to protect your device.
Pixel devices get different levels of support based on their generation. The 8th generation has a longer 7-year support compared to 6th and 7th generation models, which gets 5 years. This shows GrapheneOS's focus on lasting security and usability.
GrapheneOS has a strong community that loves its security. This community's dedication to privacy drives the project's advancement and success.
Most day-to-day apps work well from the Google Play Store and Neo Store. The battery life is outstanding, lasting days even with lots of use.
It integrates well with Google's main products like the Play Store and Calendar. Yet, using these services means thinking about your privacy trade-offs.
When making privacy choices, think about how you use technology and what you're comfortable with. The author has used Apple phones for privacy extensively, which informs this perspective.
GrapheneOS makes Android more secure by adding extra permission controls, reminiscent of iOS. It lets users manage apps' accesses like location and storage.
A Google Pixel phone is a good choice for GrapheneOS because it supports other operating systems. Though some users find the user interface a bit challenging, they like its simple design.
To get push notifications working, the author installed Sandboxed Play Services. Going without Google Play Services can be hard due to its deep ties to Google.
With Android 12, apps start to adapt to your phone’s colors, which looks great, especially on the Pixel 7 Pro. This new look makes the home screen feel personalized and clean.
GrapheneOS takes security and privacy seriously, stepping beyond regular Android. Its multiple profiles help keep your data isolated, enhancing privacy.
Setting up GrapheneOS is easy, thanks to a user-friendly web interface. Most apps work well, giving users a satisfying experience, even with compatibility.
Battery life and performance are as good as regular Android systems, showing it can be just as efficient, with better privacy controls.
With GrapheneOS, users have less tracking and more privacy, surpassing typical Android’s privacy. Yet, there are issues with some specific apps and services.
GrapheneOS with a VPN sometimes has connectivity problems, possibly due to app compatibility. Generally, using it on a Google Pixel 6 is a good experience, despite minor issues.
GrapheneOS is especially good for Pixel devices. It promises many years of support. For example, 8th generation Pixels get 7 years, while older models get 5 years. GrapheneOS might not work with Android Auto or some banking apps. But it's very secure and focuses on keeping your privacy safe.
Stock Android works well with Google apps and has lots of features. You can use Google Maps and Google Keyboard easily. But, if you switch to GrapheneOS, you lose things like Google Pay and some unique Google features.
Choosing between GrapheneOS and stock Android is all about what you need and like. Think about your privacy wishes and how much you value convenience. Then, you can make a smart choice that meets your needs.
submitted by bigchives to AndroidRootPokemonGo [link] [comments]
Key Takeaways:
- GrapheneOS places a strong emphasis on privacy and security, while stock Android focuses on providing convenience features.
- GrapheneOS stays close to upstream and delivers regular updates before stock OS.
- Google apps work on GrapheneOS, but some apps need special permission to install.
- Some banking apps might not work on GrapheneOS. This is because they lack a certification from Google. You might be able to make some of them work by using special settings in the apps.
- Unfortunately, GrapheneOS misses on Android Auto and easy backup solutions.
GrapheneOS Features
GrapheneOS is known for its strong focus on privacy and security. This makes it perfect for those who want to keep their data safe. Now, let's look at what makes GrapheneOS stand out from the rest.Sandboxed Google Play Services
One of GrapheneOS's key features is sandboxed Google Play services. This means apps can't freely access your private data. They're limited to a safe area. This helps prevent data leaks and stops apps from seeing more than they should.Regular Updates for Security Maintenance
GrapheneOS keeps devices safe by offering frequent security updates. These updates fix any new vulnerabilities that might arise. This way, the system is always up-to-date, keeping your device secure.Attack Surface Reduction Measures
GrapheneOS uses techniques to reduce the chances of different types of attacks. It limits how much apps can interact with the system, blocking some attacks right at the start. It also includes special features that make it harder for attackers to exploit the system.Enhanced Heap Memory Corruption Defense
Heaps are a common target for hackers, but GrapheneOS strengthens against this. It uses its own memory management system to protect against heap corruption. This includes special memory handling to make attacks harder.Robust Memory Exploit Detection and Prevention
GrapheneOS is ahead of the game in detecting and stopping memory exploits. It has tools that spot and fix important memory bugs. This helps keep your device safe from complex attacks that target memory use.Official Production Support for Pixel Devices
GrapheneOS supports many Pixel devices officially. This includes the Pixel 8 Pro and other new Pixel devices. Users of Pixel devices can get the added security and privacy GrapheneOS offers.After learning about GrapheneOS, it's time to look at Stock Android's setup and features in the next section.
Stock Android Setup and Features
Setting up Stock Android on your device is simple. Its user-friendly interface makes it easy. When you turn on your device, you'll follow some steps to make it yours. This includes picking a language, connecting to Wi-Fi, and signing in to Google.Stock Android works perfectly with Google's many services. Thanks to Google Play services, you get millions of apps and games from the Play Store. Just sign in with your Google account to start downloading your favorite apps, from work tools to social apps.
Stock Android also brings you Google Maps. It gives you precise directions and updates on traffic in real time. It's great for finding your way in a car or on foot, showing you the best routes and interesting places nearby.
With Google Keyboard, typing is easier and better. It guesses your next words, lets you swipe to type, and supports different languages. This means typing on your phone is faster and more accurate.
Key Features of Stock Android:
- Simple and user-friendly setup process
- Integration with Google services, including the Google Play Store
- Google Maps for navigation and exploring new places
- Google Keyboard for enhanced typing experience
| Features | Stock Android |
|---|---|
| User-friendly setup | ✓ |
| Google Play Store access | ✓ |
| Google Maps integration | ✓ |
| Enhanced typing experience with Google Keyboard | ✓ |
Functionality Comparison
GrapheneOS and stock Android are much alike in basic phone tasks. Yet, they have key differences.GrapheneOS Functionality
GrapheneOS values substance over flashy marketing. It cares deeply about privacy and security. By not including Google services, it focuses more on protecting users.Its main goal is making your device safe from attack. It does this by limiting what attackers can do and safeguarding the core part of the operation system.
It also stops attackers from taking full control even if they somehow get in. This is done through a feature called verified boot.
By removing unneeded code, GrapheneOS makes attacks from far away, close by, or online less likely. It adds layers of protection to apps and the system, making them much harder to exploit.
| GrapheneOS Functionality Features | Description |
|---|---|
| Sandboxed Play Services | A sandboxed Play Services feature that provides better app compatibility, functionality, and security compared to MicroG. |
| Push Notifications without Play Services | GrapheneOS allows push notifications to work fine without Play Services for many apps. |
| Privacy-Focused Network Toggle | GrapheneOS offers a network toggle without leaks and prefers fine-grained VPNs for enhanced security. |
Stock Android Functionality
Stock Android, made by Google, aims for everyone. It has many features that cater to diverse needs.One highlight is Android Auto, making your phone and car work together. This way, you keep your hands off the phone while driving yet enjoy many useful features.
Another cool feature is Now Playing. It shows what song is playing without you needing to open your phone. This is handy for finding new music.
| Stock Android Functionality Features | Description |
|---|---|
| Android Auto | Android Auto provides seamless integration between Android devices and compatible vehicles for hands-free access to navigation, communication, and entertainment features. |
| Now Playing | Now Playing feature The identifies and displays the currently playing song on the lock screen. |
Remember, GrapheneOS and stock Android are both good for getting things done. Yet, GrapheneOS shines in protecting your privacy. This might mean fewer but more secure features.
Privacy and Security
When you pick a system for your phone, think about privacy and safety. GrapheneOS and stock Android protect your data in unique ways.GrapheneOS Privacy and Security Features
GrapheneOS focuses heavily on keeping your data safe. It offers many tools to boost your privacy and security. These include limiting data collection and secure updates.- Limiting Data Collection: GrapheneOS cuts down on what data gets collected, lowering the chance of others getting it.
- Secure Updates: It ensures your system stays safe by giving you regular, secure updates.
- Restricted Google Services Access: GrapheneOS limits how much Google can see of your personal data.
- Permission Controls: You get to decide what info apps can use. GrapheneOS gives you strong controls over this.
Stock Android Privacy and Security Considerations
Stock Android, made by Google, has its security perks. But it's heavily tied to Google's services. This can lead to less privacy.- Google Services Integration: It comes filled with Google tools. While convenient, it does raise privacy worries.
- Privacy Settings: It does have some privacy settings. You can adjust app permissions a bit and limit some data access.
- Regular Updates: Google works on updating stock Android often to fix security issues.
Comparison Table: GrapheneOS vs. Stock Android Privacy and Security
| Privacy and Security Features | GrapheneOS | Stock Android |
|---|---|---|
| Data Collection | Minimizes data collection | May collect user data through Google services |
| Updates | Regular secure updates | Regular updates to address security vulnerabilities |
| Google Services Access | Restricted access to Google services | System-level integration with Google services |
| Permission Controls | Strict permission controls | Permission customization options |
In summary, if you're big on privacy, you'll like what GrapheneOS offers. It's a top choice. But if Google's services matter a lot to you, stock Android might be the way to go. It's not as privacy-focused, but it's great for those that love Google's features.
App Compatibility
GrapheneOS and stock Android both excel in app compatibility, but GrapheneOS faces challenges with some banking apps. These apps need special access. Yet, GrapheneOS aims for the highest privacy and security, sometimes making these needs clash.Many apps are compatible with GrapheneOS, and the project actively works with developers. It encourages them to make their apps work with GrapheneOS. This allows users to enjoy the operating system's enhanced privacy and security safely.
Stock Android, on the other hand, has superior compatibility with all apps, including those from banks. It works across many devices and is chosen by developers. Its wide use makes it easier for developers to ensure app compatibility.
To make the app experience smoother on GrapheneOS, users can choose alternative apps that work well with the system. Also, the project is always updating to boost app compatibility through community efforts.
Recommended Banking Apps for GrapheneOS
Many banking apps face issues on GrapheneOS. Still, several banking apps perform well on this system:- Banking App 1: This is a secure and reliable app made for GrapheneOS.
- Banking App 2: It provides an easy and smooth banking experience on GrapheneOS.
- Banking App 3: This app focuses on keeping your financial info secure and private.
As GrapheneOS grows, its app compatibility, including banking apps, is expected to get better. The project is dedicated to offering an experience that values security and privacy while ensuring apps work well.
User Feedback and Experience
GrapheneOS is great for privacy and security, which users love. They feel their data is safer and that Google tracks them less. Plus, it works well with most Android apps. This means users can still do what they want while keeping their privacy a top priority.Some say that stock Android is smoother and has more useful features than GrapheneOS. They think that GrapheneOS focuses too much on privacy and misses out on some key features. For example, it doesn't work as closely with Google services and apps.
GrapheneOS users share their thoughts in forums, social media, and by talking to the team. They give detailed advice, like how to make permission prompts even safer. They also want the Auditor feature to be better explained, especially to journalists.
Users often request a better way to know when there are system updates. They want to be able to choose when to update, so it doesn't disrupt their day. They also ask about how to use the app pinning and auto-reboot timer, looking for more info.
Users also need more info about the Android Recovery system in GrapheneOS. They want to know more about its role in updating the system. And they worry about any issues the updates might bring.
Some users find features in GrapheneOS that remind them of Google. They want clearer information about these features. This way, they can understand them better.
App compatibility is an issue for some. A few apps won’t work on GrapheneOS because they fear security risks. Some just crash. This is why some users carry a second phone for specific apps, like banking or gaming.
User Profile Usage on GrapheneOS
GrapheneOS encourages the use of separate profiles for different apps. This keeps your privacy and security levels high. Users should have profiles for general use, social media, work, and private matters.GrapheneOS Installation Ease
Installing GrapheneOS is known for being easy among custom OSes. The web interface makes the process straightforward. However, installing it on various computers might need extra steps sometimes.GrapheneOS Benefits and Drawbacks
Why do people like GrapheneOS? It's great with most apps, makes you more secure, and doesn't let Google track you much. Plus, it backs up your apps very safely.But it's not perfect. Some apps, like Facebook Messenger, have issues. The fingerprint sensor on the Google Pixel 6 isn’t the best. And sometimes you might face problems with internet when using a VPN.
Google Pixel 6 User Experience
The Google Pixel 6 is seen as a good buy by users. It offers good features and performance for its cost. However, the fingerprint sensor and the size of the phone get mixed reviews. The camera's quality also varies among users.Overall Recommendation
Despite some issues, GrapheneOS is recommended by many for its strong privacy and security. It's a good choice for those who worry about Google spying on them.User Feedback Overview
| Feedback | Request/Suggestion |
|---|---|
| Implementation of safeguards in on-demand permission prompts | Enhancing permission controls for improved security |
| Better explanation and marketing of the Auditor feature | Targeting investigative journalists as potential users |
| Proposal for a notification system for system updates | Allowing manual installation of updates |
| Inquiry about the functionality of app pinning with auto-reboot timer | Clarification on how the feature works |
| Request for clarification on Android Recovery system | Understanding its role and potential issues with OTA updates |
| Identification of features resembling "Googlisms" | Clear explanations and disclosures for informed usage |
| Challenges with app compatibility on de-googled version | Issues with banking apps, food delivery apps, Uber, and mobile gaming |
Future Development and Updates
GrapheneOS gets better thanks to the hard work of gifted developers. They're always updating it to make it safer and easier to use.Updates bring new security patches, app changes, and more. For instance, new kernel updates might change to versions like 5.15.151 or 6.1.80. Apps like Vanadium might jump to new versions like 124.0.6367.159.0.
They use tags to give updates for certain devices. For example, a tag like 2024040100 might mean a special update for certain phones. These updates are meant to make your experience even better.
Recently, they made sure that VPN apps can't accidentally leak your web requests. They also update apps like PDF Viewer to make sure they run smoother. These updates are all about making your phone more enjoyable to use.
GrapheneOS also pays special attention to certain phones. For example, the Pixel Fold might receive updates specific to its design. This keeps your device running well and safe.
They change settings to make your phone safer and easier to use. For security, a new memory tag setting is available. You might see different settings based on what phone you have, making everything more user-friendly.
Improving apps is just as important to GrapheneOS. Apps like TalkBack, which helps by reading the screen, might get better with version 14.1. These changes aim to make using your favorite apps a smoother experience.
They also make technical updates to stay cutting-edge. A recent kernel update, like 5.15.149, makes your device more secure and faster.
Even the Camera app and GmsCompatConfig (used for Google services) get updated. This ensures your phone is more dependable and full of new features.
Official Device Support
GrapheneOS officially supports many Pixel models including the Pixel 8 Pro and Pixel 5a. These devices let you make the most of GrapheneOS's features.Some Pixel phones, like the Pixel 5, won't get any more updates. Yet, the Pixel 4a and 4 XL keep getting support, like better security. This means you can still use these devices safely.
The 8th generation Pixel devices offer top security levels. They're supported for 7 years from their launch with features custom-tailored to protect your device.
Pixel devices get different levels of support based on their generation. The 8th generation has a longer 7-year support compared to 6th and 7th generation models, which gets 5 years. This shows GrapheneOS's focus on lasting security and usability.
Future Focus and Community Support
The team behind GrapheneOS aims to make major improvements in device, system, and software security. Their focus isn't on supporting every device but on ensuring profound security.GrapheneOS has a strong community that loves its security. This community's dedication to privacy drives the project's advancement and success.
Related Alternatives
CalyxOS, RattlesnakeOS, DivestOS, and Ubuntu Touch offer different privacy and security features. Exploring these options can help you find the right system for your needs.Benefits and Drawbacks of GrapheneOS
GrapheneOS offers big benefits for privacy and security. It keeps your data safe and lets you control your online world better. But, there are drawback to consider too.Benefits of GrapheneOS
- Enhanced Privacy: It reduces the chance of your data being stolen. You get to control what apps can and can't do on your phone.
- Innovative Security Features: It's really good at stopping new security threats. This makes it hard for bad guys to find ways to harm your phone.
- Enhanced Security and Privacy Settings: You can do cool stuff like turn off Wi-Fi automatically or only use the internet through certain apps, making your phone safer.
- Dedicated Effort to Prevent Memory Corruption Bugs: It works really hard to keep its system safe from bugs. This means fewer chances of someone breaking into your phone.
- Secure Apps: It comes with special apps that keep your phone safe. This includes a secure web browser and camera app that protect your data.
Drawbacks of GrapheneOS
- Limited Google Integration: It doesn't come with Google's usual apps. You can add them but this might mean giving up a bit of privacy for certain features.
- App Compatibility: You might struggle to use some apps, like banking apps, because GrapheneOS isn't the regular Android. But, more and more apps are being made to work with it.
- Lack of "Smart" Features: You won't find fancy features, like Google's smart phone answering feature or advanced keyboard tools. You might need to choose between these extras and your privacy.
- Troubleshooting Required: Sometimes things might not work perfectly. You might find some emojis missing or have to fix some app issues yourself. So, some tech skills could come in handy.
Conclusion
After using GrapheneOS for a year on a Google Pixel 6A, its focus on privacy and security shines. It updates quickly, in about 5 minutes, keeping your phone safe. Occasionally, small graphical glitches happen but are easy to fix.Most day-to-day apps work well from the Google Play Store and Neo Store. The battery life is outstanding, lasting days even with lots of use.
It integrates well with Google's main products like the Play Store and Calendar. Yet, using these services means thinking about your privacy trade-offs.
When making privacy choices, think about how you use technology and what you're comfortable with. The author has used Apple phones for privacy extensively, which informs this perspective.
GrapheneOS makes Android more secure by adding extra permission controls, reminiscent of iOS. It lets users manage apps' accesses like location and storage.
A Google Pixel phone is a good choice for GrapheneOS because it supports other operating systems. Though some users find the user interface a bit challenging, they like its simple design.
To get push notifications working, the author installed Sandboxed Play Services. Going without Google Play Services can be hard due to its deep ties to Google.
With Android 12, apps start to adapt to your phone’s colors, which looks great, especially on the Pixel 7 Pro. This new look makes the home screen feel personalized and clean.
GrapheneOS takes security and privacy seriously, stepping beyond regular Android. Its multiple profiles help keep your data isolated, enhancing privacy.
Setting up GrapheneOS is easy, thanks to a user-friendly web interface. Most apps work well, giving users a satisfying experience, even with compatibility.
Battery life and performance are as good as regular Android systems, showing it can be just as efficient, with better privacy controls.
With GrapheneOS, users have less tracking and more privacy, surpassing typical Android’s privacy. Yet, there are issues with some specific apps and services.
GrapheneOS with a VPN sometimes has connectivity problems, possibly due to app compatibility. Generally, using it on a Google Pixel 6 is a good experience, despite minor issues.
| GrapheneOS | Stock Android |
|---|---|
| + Strong focus on privacy and security | + Wide range of features and convenience |
| + Streamlined updates with quick completion time | + Regular updates and feature additions |
| + Smooth app compatibility for day-to-day apps | + Better compatibility with all apps |
| + Impressive battery life | + Similar battery life and performance |
| + Seamless integration with Google products | - System-level integration with Google services |
| + Additional privacy controls and permissions toggles | - Limited privacy control over Google services |
| + Multiple user profiles for enhanced privacy | + Standard user profile and features |
Considerations for Choosing an Operating System
When you compare GrapheneOS and stock Android, think about what matters most. If you are very concerned about privacy and security, GrapheneOS is great. It keeps your data safe and your device secure. However, if you like having many features, stock Android might suit you better.GrapheneOS is especially good for Pixel devices. It promises many years of support. For example, 8th generation Pixels get 7 years, while older models get 5 years. GrapheneOS might not work with Android Auto or some banking apps. But it's very secure and focuses on keeping your privacy safe.
Stock Android works well with Google apps and has lots of features. You can use Google Maps and Google Keyboard easily. But, if you switch to GrapheneOS, you lose things like Google Pay and some unique Google features.
Choosing between GrapheneOS and stock Android is all about what you need and like. Think about your privacy wishes and how much you value convenience. Then, you can make a smart choice that meets your needs.
FAQ
What are the key distinctions between GrapheneOS and Stock Android?
GrapheneOS focuses on keeping your data safe and private. Stock Android, on the other hand, comes with many useful features.What are some of the features provided by GrapheneOS?
GrapheneOS gives you a more private and secure playground. It does this by keeping Google Play services separate. It also keeps your phone updated regularly.How is the setup process and what features does Stock Android provide?
Stock Android is easy to get started with. It includes popular Google services like the Play Store, Maps, and Keyboard.What are some of the functionalities offered by GrapheneOS and Stock Android?
Both operating systems let you do the basic stuff. But GrapheneOS skips Android Auto and Stock Android has a cool Now Playing feature.What distinguishes GrapheneOS and Stock Android in terms of privacy and security?
GrapheneOS works hard to make sure your information stays private. It does this by not sharing much with Google. Stock Android, however, is closely tied with Google services, which might affect your privacy.How is the app compatibility for GrapheneOS and Stock Android?
GrapheneOS might not work with every app. Some banking apps might not fully function on it. Stock Android usually works well with all apps.What is the user feedback and experience for GrapheneOS and Stock Android?
Users really like GrapheneOS for its commitment to privacy and security. Stock Android is preferred by those who want a smooth experience with lots of features.How are the future development and updates for GrapheneOS and Stock Android?
GrapheneOS depends on donations to improve with new features. Both systems get updated regularly. Stock Android gets these updates from a bigger team.What are the benefits and drawbacks of using GrapheneOS?
Using GrapheneOS means your data is more protected. But you might miss out on using some popular apps and features.What should I consider when choosing between GrapheneOS and Stock Android?
Think about what matters most to you. If privacy and security are top concerns, GrapheneOS is a great choice. Stock Android is better if you want a smoother experience with many features.2024.05.13 22:51 adventurepaul E-commerce Industry News Recap 🔥 Week of May 13th, 2024
Hi - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Each week I post a summary recap of the week's top stories, which I cover in depth with sources in the full edition. Let's dive in...
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STAT OF THE WEEK: Kohl's sales have shrunk by $2.3B since 2019. During that same period of time, the company lost 1.3M customers who no longer shop with the retailer.
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BigCommerce is exploring a sale after attracting takeover interest, according to sources who chose to remain anonymous due to the confidentiality of the information. The sources said that BigCommerce asked investment bank Qatalyst Partners to solicit interest from potential buyers that include private equity firms, but that the discussions are at an early stage and no deal is certain.
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Squarespace announced that it will be going private in a $6.9B all-cash deal with private-equity firm Permira, who agreed to pay $44 per share (a roughly 30% premium). Although Squarespace never lost 90% of its share price like BigCommerce, it has experienced a tumultuous time on the market since its IPO in May 2021 — opening around $49.50 and at times trading in the low $20s. Shares rose nearly 13% to $43 in pre-market trading upon release of the news.
___
ByteDance filed a lawsuit in US federal court seeking to block the new law that would force the sale or ban of the app within the country. The lawsuit challenges the law on constitutional grounds, also citing commercial, technical, and legal hurdles, as well as opposition from Beijing. Legal experts say the legal battle will play out in the courts in coming months and likely will reach the Supreme Court.
___
OpenAI unveiled its newest model, GPT-4o, designed to turn ChatGPT into a digital personal assistant that can engage in real-time, spoken conversations and interact with users using text, screenshots, photos, documents, and charts. The new version of ChatGPT also has memory capabilities, which means it can learn from previous conversations. It will be available to both unpaid and premium customers alike. OpenAI also announced that it would be launching a desktop app with the GPT-4o capabilities, giving users another platform to interact with the technology outside of a web browser.
___
Amazon launched in South Africa last week, marking its first marketplace in sub-Saharan Africa, and bringing its total number of marketplaces worldwide to 22. To launch the new marketplace, Amazon is offering free delivery on first orders and on subsequent orders above R500 (about $27), access to 3,000 pick-up points, status updates via WhatsApp to track orders, 30 day refunds, and 24/7 customer support. The marketplace was supposed to launch in the country in 2023, but got delayed due to changes in priorities within Amazon.
___
In an unlikely partnership, Instacart is partnering with Uber Eats to expand into the restaurant delivery business. Instacart will add a new tab for restaurant delivery to its app in the coming weeks, the listings will be provided by Uber, and the food will be picked up and delivered by Uber Eats drivers. Customers will receive the same prices on both apps and Instacart will receive an affiliate commission on orders. It's a strange partnership though given that Instacart and Uber Eats actively compete on grocery delivery. Are they planning to merge? Uber says no.
___
Apple's advertisement for its latest iPad Pro sparked criticism for showing an animation of musical instruments, paint cans, cameras, record players, and other symbols of creativity being crushed by a giant machine, with the output being the new iPad Pro, which the company says is the thinnest Apple product ever. In this context, “crushing” was supposed to symbolize “consolidating” and “compacting” — with the visuals meant to showcase how the new iPad Pro puts the power of all these tools into the hands of creators in one thin device. However online commenters criticized the ad as insensitive and as symbolizing a “destruction of the human experience.” The ad hit the web on Tuesday, and by Thursday, Apple issued a mea culpa and apologized for the campaign.
___
Google is encouraging merchants to enable conversion annotations on their Google Shopping ads, which offer social proof that highlight a product's popularity. Conversion annotations like “best selling” or “3K shopped here recently” would provide visual cues about a product’s popularity or sales performance directly in the ad unit. Annotations like these are par for the course with e-commerce retailers including Amazon, Walmart, and Temu, which all employ similar tactics. They can provide valuable info for shoppers and also help with conversions. However they also open data privacy concerns, given that Google is not the actual retailer or marketplace selling the items, so a merchant would have to share this purchase history data from their e-commerce platform with Google — which technically most already do by giving access to GA4.
___
Shein is attempting to join the National Retail Federation as it pursues regulatory approval to go public in the US. The company believes that NRF membership would boost its chances of receiving SEC approval. However so far, Shein has been rejected numerous times. An anonymous source familiar with the matter said someone with heavy influence at the NRF is strongly against the Shein's admittance. However board members who spoke to CNBC said that Shein's membership application hadn't come up in meetings, and that they aren't involved in deciding which companies are granted access.
___
Amazon is leading the way with selling home goods, capturing 18.8% of consumer home furnishings spending, compared to Walmart's 7.3% market share. Notably, Amazon’s gains in the furniture category come in spite of the company’s decision to phase out two of its three furniture brands last year.
___
Stanley, which is projected to do $750M in sales this year, up from $73M in 2019, after seeing its water bottles become a status symbol thanks to TikTok, is now expanding into trendier accessories. The company is launching a line of bags called the All-Day Collection which include a mini cooler, backpack cooler, and Quencher Carry-All, designed for someone to sling their Stanley over their hip.
___
Jack Dorsey left the Bluesky board and deleted his account on the service he helped kickstart, claiming that Bluesky was “literally repeating all the mistakes” he made while running Twitter. Dorsey says he never intended Bluesky to be an independent company, but rather, an open source protocol that Twitter was supposed to be the first client of. He also confirmed that he is financially backing Nostr, another decentralized Twitter-like service popular among crypto enthusiasts and run by an anonymous founder.
___
Amazon is deploying 50 electric trucks in California, which it claims is the largest EV fleet in the country, as part of its mission to eliminate pollution from its global operations. The trucks will be integrated into first-mile operations, moving goods from container ships at the ports to fulfillment centers, as well as middle-mile operations, transporting packages from fulfillment centers to delivery centers.
___
Wix launched a new tool called AI Portfolio Creator, which allows a user to upload and organize large-scale image collections, select the type of portfolio they want, and then have the AI tool sort and generate a portfolio with clustered images, recommended titles and descriptions, and personalized layout options.
___
Amazon is now requiring all dietary supplements to be verified by a third-party testing, inspection, and certification organization — which is something that not even the FDA requires. Amazon is the largest supplement retailer in the US ahead of Walmart and Target, and its new requirements are expected to put more pressure on the industry, which is being scrutinized more than ever.
___
Alibaba is revamping its flagship retail website Taobao for the first time in seven years with a focus on providing a smoother search and buying process. The website overhaul comes ahead of the 618 sales event, China's second-largest annual shopping event. A few weeks ago I reported that Eddie Wu, the CEO of Alibaba Group, would now be directly overseeing its domestic e-commerce arm which includes Taobao and Tmall Group, and it sounds like he's hitting the ground running with his new responsibilities.
___
Amazon is hosting its first-ever Amazon Book Sale, a new shopping event starting on May 15th that offers up to 50% off print best sellers and up to 80% off Kindle Books. The six day shopping event will exclusively run in the US, and Prime-membership is not required to take advantage of the deals.
___
FTX reported that nearly all of its customers will receive the money back that they are owed, two years after the cryptocurrency exchange imploded. The company owes about $11.2B to its customers and estimates that it has between $14.5B and $16.3B to distribute to them. The caveat is that customers will receive the USD value of their holdings at the time of the exchange collapse, and not the actual crypto holdings themselves, which means that they'll miss out on all gains during the past two years during which BTC went from around $16k to now over $60k. Better than nothing though, that's for sure.
___
800,000 consumers in Europe and the US were duped into sharing card details and other sensitive personal data with a network of fake online designer shops operated from China, which comprised one of the largest scams of its kind with 76,000 fake websites created. The scammers used expired domains to host its fake shops in order to help avoid detection by websites or brand owners, and more than 1M orders were processed in the past three years alone.
___
Beyond Inc, which owns Bed Bath & Beyond, Overstock, and Zulily, reported that its Q1 net loss swelled to $72M from $10M a year ago, while its operating loss widened to $58M from $8M. The company's active customers grew to 6M, up 26% from nearly 5M a year ago, however, its average order value dropped to $173 from $220 a year earlier.
___
TikTok will begin automatically labeling AI generated content when it is uploaded from certain platforms like DALL.E 3, Adobe Firefly, Photoshop, and Microsoft Copilot. TikTok will also start attaching Content Credentials to content, which will remain on the media when downloaded, allowing other platforms to read the metadata.
___
eBay is testing an Add To Cart button in search results that opens a Quick View window, allowing buyers to skip the listing page. Technically the button should probably not be labeled “Add To Cart” since it doesn't perform that action, but rather, displays a quick view window with three buttons: Buy It Now, Add To Cart, View All Details. Sellers are worried that buyers will miss crucial details in the product description that may lead to increased returns and negative feedback.
___
Amazon is planning to launch its fleet of drones in Tolleson, Arizona, but the city's extreme temperature is hampering its efforts. Drones can't operate in temperatures exceeding 104 degrees Fahrenheit, a temperature that Tolleson crosses for a full three months of the year.
___
A US district judge dismissed X's lawsuit against Bright Data, a data-scraping company accused of improperly accessing X system and violating X terms and state laws when scraping and selling data. The judge basically said that if X owned the data, it could perhaps argue that it has exclusive rights to control it, but then X wouldn't be able to enjoy the safe harbor of Section 230, which allows the platform to avoid liability for third-party content. Can't have it both ways!
___
Nintendo is discontinuing its X integration for the switch on June 10th, which means users will no longer be able to post screenshots or videos to the platform from their device. The drop in support also affects games like Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which had game-specific options to send out tweets. Microsoft Xbox dropped support for X in April 2023 and Sony Playstation dropped the service in October 2023 due to the increase in X's API access fees.
___
Amazon claimed that its recordable incident rate — a metric that comprises all injuries requiring “more than basic first-aid treatment” — at its US warehouses has improved by 24% since 2019. However the National Employment Law Project challenged Amazon's injury data in a report last week, claiming that Amazon's overall injury rate in 2023 was 71% higher than that of other employers in the sector at 6.5 cases per 100 workers.
___
Amazon Ads announced three new advertising formats for streaming TV including shoppable carousel ads, interactive pause ads, and interactive trivia ads. Amazon did not say when the new ad types would officially launch, but noted that it will formally present them at a presentation on May 14th.
___
Meta is rolling out an expanded set of generative AI ad tools that can create full image variations with text overlays, expand images to fit across different aspect ratios, and generate alternate versions of headlines and other ad text. The features will become available globally to advertisers by the end of the year.
___
Square introduced a tool called Square Kiosk to allow self-service ordering at fast food restaurants. The device is a combined software, hardware, and payment solution that allows customers to select exactly what they want with customization options, upgrades, and add-ons.
___
The European Parliament announced new measures to make packaging more sustainable and reduce packaging waste in the EU, including reduction targets of 15% by 2040 — which sounds far away but is only 16 years away?! As part of the new rules, the EU will set maximum empty space ratios for e-commerce transportation, ban certain single-use plastic packaging types, and beverage distributors and take-away food will have to offer consumers the option of bringing their own container.
___
Indians who pre-ordered Teslas in 2016 are giving up and seeking refunds of their deposits after Elon Musk canceled another visit to the country last month. Disillusioned Tesla enthusiasts in India say they will now buy a car from the company only if they see it in a showroom, or they'll buy a different electrical vehicle from a company that actually exists in the country.
___
Target is limiting its Pride Month collection to select stores this year instead of rolling out the merchandise nationwide like it typically has for the past decade, due to backlash the retailer experienced last year. Last May customers in certain stores knocked down LGBTQ+ merchandise displays, angrily approached store employees, and posted threatening videos on social media from inside the stores.
___
E-commerce spending from Jan 1 to April 30, 2024 rose 7% YoY to $331.6B, according to Adobe Analytics. One trend Adobe identified during the period is a shift of online spending to purchasing the cheapest goods across personal care, electronics, apparel, home & garden, furniture, and grocery.
___
Plus 7 seed rounds, IPOs, and acquisitions of interest, including Shopify's acquisition of Peel, a tool that integrates with a merchant's tech stack including Klaviyo and Recharge and helps them analyze their sales data to improve customer retention.
___
I hope you found this recap helpful. See you next week!
PAUL Editor of Shopifreaks E-Commerce Newsletter
PS: If I missed any big news this week, please share in the comments.
submitted by adventurepaul to ecommerce [link] [comments]
___
STAT OF THE WEEK: Kohl's sales have shrunk by $2.3B since 2019. During that same period of time, the company lost 1.3M customers who no longer shop with the retailer.
___
BigCommerce is exploring a sale after attracting takeover interest, according to sources who chose to remain anonymous due to the confidentiality of the information. The sources said that BigCommerce asked investment bank Qatalyst Partners to solicit interest from potential buyers that include private equity firms, but that the discussions are at an early stage and no deal is certain.
___
Squarespace announced that it will be going private in a $6.9B all-cash deal with private-equity firm Permira, who agreed to pay $44 per share (a roughly 30% premium). Although Squarespace never lost 90% of its share price like BigCommerce, it has experienced a tumultuous time on the market since its IPO in May 2021 — opening around $49.50 and at times trading in the low $20s. Shares rose nearly 13% to $43 in pre-market trading upon release of the news.
___
ByteDance filed a lawsuit in US federal court seeking to block the new law that would force the sale or ban of the app within the country. The lawsuit challenges the law on constitutional grounds, also citing commercial, technical, and legal hurdles, as well as opposition from Beijing. Legal experts say the legal battle will play out in the courts in coming months and likely will reach the Supreme Court.
___
OpenAI unveiled its newest model, GPT-4o, designed to turn ChatGPT into a digital personal assistant that can engage in real-time, spoken conversations and interact with users using text, screenshots, photos, documents, and charts. The new version of ChatGPT also has memory capabilities, which means it can learn from previous conversations. It will be available to both unpaid and premium customers alike. OpenAI also announced that it would be launching a desktop app with the GPT-4o capabilities, giving users another platform to interact with the technology outside of a web browser.
___
Amazon launched in South Africa last week, marking its first marketplace in sub-Saharan Africa, and bringing its total number of marketplaces worldwide to 22. To launch the new marketplace, Amazon is offering free delivery on first orders and on subsequent orders above R500 (about $27), access to 3,000 pick-up points, status updates via WhatsApp to track orders, 30 day refunds, and 24/7 customer support. The marketplace was supposed to launch in the country in 2023, but got delayed due to changes in priorities within Amazon.
___
In an unlikely partnership, Instacart is partnering with Uber Eats to expand into the restaurant delivery business. Instacart will add a new tab for restaurant delivery to its app in the coming weeks, the listings will be provided by Uber, and the food will be picked up and delivered by Uber Eats drivers. Customers will receive the same prices on both apps and Instacart will receive an affiliate commission on orders. It's a strange partnership though given that Instacart and Uber Eats actively compete on grocery delivery. Are they planning to merge? Uber says no.
___
Apple's advertisement for its latest iPad Pro sparked criticism for showing an animation of musical instruments, paint cans, cameras, record players, and other symbols of creativity being crushed by a giant machine, with the output being the new iPad Pro, which the company says is the thinnest Apple product ever. In this context, “crushing” was supposed to symbolize “consolidating” and “compacting” — with the visuals meant to showcase how the new iPad Pro puts the power of all these tools into the hands of creators in one thin device. However online commenters criticized the ad as insensitive and as symbolizing a “destruction of the human experience.” The ad hit the web on Tuesday, and by Thursday, Apple issued a mea culpa and apologized for the campaign.
___
Google is encouraging merchants to enable conversion annotations on their Google Shopping ads, which offer social proof that highlight a product's popularity. Conversion annotations like “best selling” or “3K shopped here recently” would provide visual cues about a product’s popularity or sales performance directly in the ad unit. Annotations like these are par for the course with e-commerce retailers including Amazon, Walmart, and Temu, which all employ similar tactics. They can provide valuable info for shoppers and also help with conversions. However they also open data privacy concerns, given that Google is not the actual retailer or marketplace selling the items, so a merchant would have to share this purchase history data from their e-commerce platform with Google — which technically most already do by giving access to GA4.
___
Shein is attempting to join the National Retail Federation as it pursues regulatory approval to go public in the US. The company believes that NRF membership would boost its chances of receiving SEC approval. However so far, Shein has been rejected numerous times. An anonymous source familiar with the matter said someone with heavy influence at the NRF is strongly against the Shein's admittance. However board members who spoke to CNBC said that Shein's membership application hadn't come up in meetings, and that they aren't involved in deciding which companies are granted access.
___
Amazon is leading the way with selling home goods, capturing 18.8% of consumer home furnishings spending, compared to Walmart's 7.3% market share. Notably, Amazon’s gains in the furniture category come in spite of the company’s decision to phase out two of its three furniture brands last year.
___
Stanley, which is projected to do $750M in sales this year, up from $73M in 2019, after seeing its water bottles become a status symbol thanks to TikTok, is now expanding into trendier accessories. The company is launching a line of bags called the All-Day Collection which include a mini cooler, backpack cooler, and Quencher Carry-All, designed for someone to sling their Stanley over their hip.
___
Jack Dorsey left the Bluesky board and deleted his account on the service he helped kickstart, claiming that Bluesky was “literally repeating all the mistakes” he made while running Twitter. Dorsey says he never intended Bluesky to be an independent company, but rather, an open source protocol that Twitter was supposed to be the first client of. He also confirmed that he is financially backing Nostr, another decentralized Twitter-like service popular among crypto enthusiasts and run by an anonymous founder.
___
Amazon is deploying 50 electric trucks in California, which it claims is the largest EV fleet in the country, as part of its mission to eliminate pollution from its global operations. The trucks will be integrated into first-mile operations, moving goods from container ships at the ports to fulfillment centers, as well as middle-mile operations, transporting packages from fulfillment centers to delivery centers.
___
Wix launched a new tool called AI Portfolio Creator, which allows a user to upload and organize large-scale image collections, select the type of portfolio they want, and then have the AI tool sort and generate a portfolio with clustered images, recommended titles and descriptions, and personalized layout options.
___
Amazon is now requiring all dietary supplements to be verified by a third-party testing, inspection, and certification organization — which is something that not even the FDA requires. Amazon is the largest supplement retailer in the US ahead of Walmart and Target, and its new requirements are expected to put more pressure on the industry, which is being scrutinized more than ever.
___
Alibaba is revamping its flagship retail website Taobao for the first time in seven years with a focus on providing a smoother search and buying process. The website overhaul comes ahead of the 618 sales event, China's second-largest annual shopping event. A few weeks ago I reported that Eddie Wu, the CEO of Alibaba Group, would now be directly overseeing its domestic e-commerce arm which includes Taobao and Tmall Group, and it sounds like he's hitting the ground running with his new responsibilities.
___
Amazon is hosting its first-ever Amazon Book Sale, a new shopping event starting on May 15th that offers up to 50% off print best sellers and up to 80% off Kindle Books. The six day shopping event will exclusively run in the US, and Prime-membership is not required to take advantage of the deals.
___
FTX reported that nearly all of its customers will receive the money back that they are owed, two years after the cryptocurrency exchange imploded. The company owes about $11.2B to its customers and estimates that it has between $14.5B and $16.3B to distribute to them. The caveat is that customers will receive the USD value of their holdings at the time of the exchange collapse, and not the actual crypto holdings themselves, which means that they'll miss out on all gains during the past two years during which BTC went from around $16k to now over $60k. Better than nothing though, that's for sure.
___
800,000 consumers in Europe and the US were duped into sharing card details and other sensitive personal data with a network of fake online designer shops operated from China, which comprised one of the largest scams of its kind with 76,000 fake websites created. The scammers used expired domains to host its fake shops in order to help avoid detection by websites or brand owners, and more than 1M orders were processed in the past three years alone.
___
Beyond Inc, which owns Bed Bath & Beyond, Overstock, and Zulily, reported that its Q1 net loss swelled to $72M from $10M a year ago, while its operating loss widened to $58M from $8M. The company's active customers grew to 6M, up 26% from nearly 5M a year ago, however, its average order value dropped to $173 from $220 a year earlier.
___
TikTok will begin automatically labeling AI generated content when it is uploaded from certain platforms like DALL.E 3, Adobe Firefly, Photoshop, and Microsoft Copilot. TikTok will also start attaching Content Credentials to content, which will remain on the media when downloaded, allowing other platforms to read the metadata.
___
eBay is testing an Add To Cart button in search results that opens a Quick View window, allowing buyers to skip the listing page. Technically the button should probably not be labeled “Add To Cart” since it doesn't perform that action, but rather, displays a quick view window with three buttons: Buy It Now, Add To Cart, View All Details. Sellers are worried that buyers will miss crucial details in the product description that may lead to increased returns and negative feedback.
___
Amazon is planning to launch its fleet of drones in Tolleson, Arizona, but the city's extreme temperature is hampering its efforts. Drones can't operate in temperatures exceeding 104 degrees Fahrenheit, a temperature that Tolleson crosses for a full three months of the year.
___
A US district judge dismissed X's lawsuit against Bright Data, a data-scraping company accused of improperly accessing X system and violating X terms and state laws when scraping and selling data. The judge basically said that if X owned the data, it could perhaps argue that it has exclusive rights to control it, but then X wouldn't be able to enjoy the safe harbor of Section 230, which allows the platform to avoid liability for third-party content. Can't have it both ways!
___
Nintendo is discontinuing its X integration for the switch on June 10th, which means users will no longer be able to post screenshots or videos to the platform from their device. The drop in support also affects games like Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which had game-specific options to send out tweets. Microsoft Xbox dropped support for X in April 2023 and Sony Playstation dropped the service in October 2023 due to the increase in X's API access fees.
___
Amazon claimed that its recordable incident rate — a metric that comprises all injuries requiring “more than basic first-aid treatment” — at its US warehouses has improved by 24% since 2019. However the National Employment Law Project challenged Amazon's injury data in a report last week, claiming that Amazon's overall injury rate in 2023 was 71% higher than that of other employers in the sector at 6.5 cases per 100 workers.
___
Amazon Ads announced three new advertising formats for streaming TV including shoppable carousel ads, interactive pause ads, and interactive trivia ads. Amazon did not say when the new ad types would officially launch, but noted that it will formally present them at a presentation on May 14th.
___
Meta is rolling out an expanded set of generative AI ad tools that can create full image variations with text overlays, expand images to fit across different aspect ratios, and generate alternate versions of headlines and other ad text. The features will become available globally to advertisers by the end of the year.
___
Square introduced a tool called Square Kiosk to allow self-service ordering at fast food restaurants. The device is a combined software, hardware, and payment solution that allows customers to select exactly what they want with customization options, upgrades, and add-ons.
___
The European Parliament announced new measures to make packaging more sustainable and reduce packaging waste in the EU, including reduction targets of 15% by 2040 — which sounds far away but is only 16 years away?! As part of the new rules, the EU will set maximum empty space ratios for e-commerce transportation, ban certain single-use plastic packaging types, and beverage distributors and take-away food will have to offer consumers the option of bringing their own container.
___
Indians who pre-ordered Teslas in 2016 are giving up and seeking refunds of their deposits after Elon Musk canceled another visit to the country last month. Disillusioned Tesla enthusiasts in India say they will now buy a car from the company only if they see it in a showroom, or they'll buy a different electrical vehicle from a company that actually exists in the country.
___
Target is limiting its Pride Month collection to select stores this year instead of rolling out the merchandise nationwide like it typically has for the past decade, due to backlash the retailer experienced last year. Last May customers in certain stores knocked down LGBTQ+ merchandise displays, angrily approached store employees, and posted threatening videos on social media from inside the stores.
___
E-commerce spending from Jan 1 to April 30, 2024 rose 7% YoY to $331.6B, according to Adobe Analytics. One trend Adobe identified during the period is a shift of online spending to purchasing the cheapest goods across personal care, electronics, apparel, home & garden, furniture, and grocery.
___
Plus 7 seed rounds, IPOs, and acquisitions of interest, including Shopify's acquisition of Peel, a tool that integrates with a merchant's tech stack including Klaviyo and Recharge and helps them analyze their sales data to improve customer retention.
___
I hope you found this recap helpful. See you next week!
PAUL Editor of Shopifreaks E-Commerce Newsletter
PS: If I missed any big news this week, please share in the comments.
2024.05.13 22:50 Plenty-Alternative42 I need your suggestion.
One of my friends referred me to the Head of the agency; her name is Maya. and I asked for 300$ for social media management services on 4 platforms. She said we can`t pay that much. I will just pay you 100$ as it's a new field of Software development, I said okay. And now she`s saying I can`t pay 100 because I lost some of my clients. I will pay you 89$. Their agency is not on LinkedIn; they want to hire me to create their LinkedIn. It`s just a remote agency. A few months before, I worked with an agency like this who are not LinkedIn. After doing the work the Head of the agency said that `` I will not pay you a single penny, He blocked me``.
Maya also sent me the cover letter. But should i ask her to pay 35% upfront because of my recent experience
submitted by Plenty-Alternative42 to jobs [link] [comments]
Maya also sent me the cover letter. But should i ask her to pay 35% upfront because of my recent experience
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Email: [intclairvoyant@gmail.com](mailto:intclairvoyant@gmail.com) [spellsherb22@gmail.com](mailto:spellsherb22@gmail.com)
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You are not recommended to try spells to bring a lover back if you are going through the following: You know that your relationship with your ex is toxic and the best painful option to take in this is to move on. It is not a good choice to be in a relationship that is un-natural, one that is built on witchcraft. The love spark as to be their at all times.
Even the most powerful love spell may not fulfill the things that are required for a real relationship to be in place. Love should be natural and if your partner looses interest in you, its better that you let them follow the heart. If one door closes, expect another open infront of you.
Therefore witchcraft or love spells should not be the ultimate solution to mending a broken heart in a relationship, one has to make love exist naturally by doing the right things to your partner, the things that will recapture the inner feelings of love and affection as you did in the start of the relationship.
Only if and when all has been tried and failed to work that one should order for my love spells that actually work, and indeed this will be the last nail in the coffin to fix your troubled relationship permanently.
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fire blackpink bad bunny bye sister tati bruno mars bohemian rhapsody cardi b cocomelon city girls coryxkenshin ceeday cj so cool chris brown country music clout offset cardi b captain marvel craigslist chase costco capital one cnn cool math games credit karma calculator cvs comcast compression socks women cat litter collagen powder coconut oil condoms coffee grinder creatine crocs women can opener cbd oil craigslist dc chernobyl dry erase markers digital photo frame dog treats dishwasher pods dog bed dog toys diffusers for essential oils https://rwenzoripsychics.myportmoni.com/ dog harness dish soap dry shampoo david dobrik dolan twins drake shaman in uk da baby astrologer despacito dude perfect danielle cohn dantdm ddg darius garland doris day dominos dow jones dictionary detective pikachu dsw doordash dollar tree draft lottery 2024 docs delta airlines discover card login discord domino's pizza drudge report delta driving directions dropbox earbuds essential oils echo dot electric 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waist trainer wireless mouse womens tops weighted blanket where the crawdads sing waterpik wireless charger wwe worth it wow post malone without me halsey without me wild n out wheels on the bus wow wrong wiz khalifa https://rwenzoripsychics.myportmoni.com/
https://sheikhabdulkarimspellscaster.wordpress.com/
https://lostlovespellz.wordpress.com/
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Email: [intclairvoyant@gmail.com](mailto:intclairvoyant@gmail.com) [spellsherb22@gmail.com](mailto:spellsherb22@gmail.com)