Christian poems about ushersm

Christian Youth Group

2012.06.02 02:21 buylocal745 Christian Youth Group

A place for Christian youth to talk about the things important to them, not only in the realm of Christianity, but in everything!
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2013.05.21 01:36 MrTyphoon Friendship is Magic

Only cool kids (read: 90's kids) can mod THIS subreddit. #Typhoon: (hash-ish-tag-tie-foon) (noun) Literally this
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2024.05.13 18:49 shaneka69 KEEP GOING

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2024.05.13 12:15 JG98 Shiv Kumar Batalvi, the most prolific Panjabi poet in modern history.

Shiv Kumar Batalvi, the most prolific Panjabi poet in modern history.
Shiv Kumar Batalvi (July 23 1936 - May 6 1973) was a Panjabi poet, writer, and playwright who left an undeniable mark on Panjabi literature despite his short life. He was born in Bara Pind Lohtian, situated in the Shakargarh Tehsil of Gurdaspur (now Narowal District). His father, Pandit Krishan Gopal Sharma, served as the village tehsildar in the revenue department, while his mother, Shanti Devi, was a homemaker.
From a young age, Shiv displayed a unique personality. He would often vanish for entire days, only to be found lying under trees by the riverbank near the local Mandir outside the village. He was deeply connected to nature. This fascination with the natural world, along with exposure to local renditions of the Hindu epic Ramayana, would later find expression in his poetry's rich imagery.
Batalvi appears to have been captivated by the sights and sounds of his rural surroundings. Wandering minstrel singers, snake charmers, and the like left a lasting impression on him. These elements would later become recurring metaphors in his poetry, imbuing it with a distinctly rural flavor and a deep connection to the Panjabi cultural landscape.
His idyllic childhood in rural Panjab was disrupted by the trauma of Partition in 1947. At the tender age of 11, he was uprooted from his birthplace and relocated with his family to Batala, Gurdaspur district in India. Here, his father continued his work as a patwari, a revenue official.
Following Partition, Shiv received his primary education in Batala. Though a bright student, his education lead him down an unconventional path. He completed his matriculation exams at Panjab University in 1953, showcasing his academic potential. However, his passion for writing and a restless spirit clashed with the confines of formal education. He embarked on a series of college enrollments, seeking an outlet for his creativity.
First, he enrolled in the F.Sc. program at Baring Union Christian College in Batala. However, his artistic temperament soon led him to S.N. College in Qadian, where he joined the Arts program, a better fit for his literary aspirations. Yet, even this program couldn't hold his attention for long, and he left in his second year.
Batalvi's search for the right educational path continued. He enrolled in a school at Baijnath, Himachal Pradesh, to pursue a diploma in Civil Engineering, seeking a more practical skillset. This venture also proved short-lived. Finally, he attempted to continue his studies at Govt. Ripudaman College in Nabha, but eventually left there as well.
Through these educational explorations, it's evident that Batalvi struggled to find a balance between societal expectations and his own artistic calling. Despite the lack of a traditional degree, his literary pursuits during this period flourished. He found his voice within the literary community and began composing and performing his emotionally charged ghazals and songs. These works, characterized by raw talent and deep emotion, captivated audiences and laid the foundation for his future success.
While still at Baijnath, Shiv had a life changing event that would shape the rest of his poetic career. At a fair, he met a young woman named Maina. Deeply affected by her, he later sought her out in her hometown, only to be met with the tragic news of her death. This profound loss inspired his elegy "Maina" and became a recurring theme in his work. The experience of separation and grief would fuel many of his future poems.
The 1950s saw Batalvi fully immerse himself in the world of poetry. He honed his craft, experimenting with different styles and gaining recognition for his romantic verses. By the 1960s, he had become a rising star. His magnum opus, the epic verse play "Loona" based on the legend of Puran Bhagat, was released in 1965. "Loona" became a masterpiece, establishing a new genre of modern Panjabi kissa (narrative poem). This critical acclaim culminated in 1967 when, at the young age of 31, Batalvi became the youngest recipient of the prestigious Sahitya Akademi Award.
While Shiv Kumar Batalvi's poetry wasn't just about heartbreak, it was a prominent theme. One of his most celebrated poems, "Main ik shikra yaar banaya" ("I made a hawk, my beloved"), was inspired by his unrequited love for the daughter of writer Gurbaksh Singh Preetlari. This young woman Panjab and married someone else. The poem's creation was sparked by the bittersweet news of her first child's birth. Interestingly, when asked if another poem would follow her second child's birth, Batalvi displayed his wit: "Have I become responsible for her? Am I to write a poem on her every time she gives birth to a child?" This anecdote highlights his artistic independence.
Batalvi's talent transcended language barriers. "Main ik shikra yaar banaya" is a Panjabi masterpiece, but its translations retain their beauty. Legendary singers like Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Jagjit Singh were drawn to his work, bringing his poetry to life through song.
Despite the themes of separation and longing in his poems, Batalvi found personal happiness. He married Aruna, a woman from Kiri Mangyal, Gurdaspur, in 1967. Shortly after his marriage, in 1968, Shiv relocated to Chandigarh where he began working as a professional for the State Bank of India. The couple would go onto have two children, named Meharban (1968) and Puja (1969).
Eager for a break from his routine life in Chandigarh, Batalvi eagerly accepted an invitation to visit England in May 1972. Upon arrival, he was met with celebrity status within the Panjabi community. Local Indian newspapers announced his visit with fanfare, and a series of public functions and private parties were organized in his honor.
Dr. Gupal Puri hosted the first major event in Coventry, attracting fans, fellow Panjabi poets, and even renowned artist S. Sobha Singh who traveled specifically to see Batalvi. The BBC even interviewed him during his stay.
While these events provided opportunities for the Panjabi community to connect with Batalvi, his health unfortunately took a turn for the worse. This trip, highlighted the struggles with alcoholism that had plagued him for some time. Late nights fueled by alcohol at parties and gatherings became a pattern. Despite waking up early and attempting to resume his day with "a couple of sips of Scotch," his habits seemed to exacerbate his existing health issues. This glimpse into his struggles in England foreshadowed the tragic toll his drinking would take on him soon thereafter.
Shiv Kumar Batalvi's return from England in September 1972 marked a turning point. His health had visibly deteriorated, and he became increasingly critical of what he perceived as unfair criticism of his poetry by some writers. Financial troubles added to his woes, and he felt a sense of abandonment from some friends.
Despite attempts to get medical treatment in Chandigarh and Amritsar, his health continued to decline. Unwilling to die in a hospital, he left against medical advice, seeking solace first in his family home in Batala and then in his wife's village, Kiri Mangial. Tragically, Shiv Kumar Batalvi succumbed to his illness, likely liver cirrhosis, in the early hours of May 6, 1973, in Kiri Mangial.
Even after his passing, Shiv Kumar Batalvi's legacy continued to grow. One of his poetry collections, titled "Alvida" (Farewell), was posthumously published in 1974 by Guru Nanak Dev University in Amritsar. His enduring impact is further reflected by the "Shiv Kumar Batalvi Award" for Best Writer, presented annually.
In Batala, the Shiv Kumar Batalvi Auditorium was constructed to commemorate the 75th anniversary of his birth. This world-class facility serves as a lasting tribute to his influence and aims to inspire future generations of Panjabi artists.
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2024.05.13 11:08 adulting4kids Dead Sea Scrolls Study Guide -Unedited

The War Scroll, also known as the "War of the Sons of Light Against the Sons of Darkness," is a unique text within the Dead Sea Scrolls that portrays an apocalyptic battle between the forces of good (Sons of Light) and evil (Sons of Darkness). This scroll provides insight into both historical and symbolic elements.
Historical Accuracy:
The War Scroll, while containing detailed military tactics and an epic narrative of the ultimate confrontation, doesn't explicitly reference any specific historical event or timeframe. Some scholars believe it could be a product of the community's anticipation of a future messianic conflict or a reflection of their own community's struggles against opposing forces during their time. Interpreting the historical accuracy of the scroll often involves exploring the context of the Qumran community and the turbulent times in which they lived.
Symbolism and Esoteric Wisdom:
The War Scroll goes beyond a mere description of a physical battle. It portrays a cosmic conflict between the forces of light and darkness, reflecting not just a literal warfare but also a symbolic and spiritual struggle. The text emphasizes righteousness, divine intervention, and the victory of good over evil.
Within the study guide, activities and exercises could involve dissecting the symbolic elements present in the War Scroll, exploring the deeper meanings behind the battle tactics and the metaphysical implications of the conflict. Understanding the symbolism could involve group discussions, comparative analysis with other ancient texts with similar themes, and exploring the impact of this symbolic representation on the community's beliefs and practices.
Here are a few activities and exercises to explore the symbolism and historical context of the War Scroll from the Dead Sea Scrolls:
  1. Symbolism Analysis:
Provide excerpts from the War Scroll and encourage participants to identify and discuss the symbolic meanings behind elements like the "Sons of Light" and the "Sons of Darkness," various weapons, and the strategies outlined for battle. Group discussions or written reflections can help participants explore the deeper layers of meaning.
  1. Comparative Analysis:
Compare the War Scroll's themes with similar apocalyptic or eschatological texts from different cultures or religions, such as apocalyptic passages in the Book of Revelation in the Christian Bible or apocalyptic texts from other ancient traditions. Create worksheets or discussion prompts to highlight similarities and differences in themes, symbols, and beliefs about cosmic battles.
  1. Historical Context Exploration:
Present historical information about the era when the Dead Sea Scrolls were written. Discuss the political, social, and religious climate of that time, including the turmoil in the region, to understand how these factors might have influenced the composition of the War Scroll. Encourage participants to consider the possible motivations behind the text's creation.
  1. Creative Interpretation:
Encourage creative expression by asking participants to create artwork, poems, or short stories inspired by the themes and imagery found in the War Scroll. This exercise allows individuals to engage more deeply with the symbolic elements and interpret them in their own unique ways.
  1. Role-playing or Debates:
    Organize a role-playing activity where participants take on the roles of "Sons of Light" and "Sons of Darkness," debating their ideologies, motivations, and strategies for the ultimate battle. This exercise helps in understanding differing perspectives and interpreting the conflicts presented in the scroll.
Interpretative variations regarding the river's crossing in different ancient texts reflect the unique religious, philosophical, and cultural perspectives embedded within these narratives. These differences in interpretation offer insights into diverse worldviews and varying theological frameworks present in ancient texts:
  1. Mesopotamian Context:
  1. Biblical Context:
  1. Gnostic or Apocryphal Context:
  1. Greco-Roman Interpretation:
These varied interpretations highlight the richness and diversity of religious, philosophical, and cultural frameworks present in ancient texts. The river's crossing serves as a flexible symbol that adapts to different narratives, conveying themes of transition, judgment, liberation, or cosmic transformation based on the unique perspectives of each tradition.
Exploring these interpretative variations allows participants to appreciate the complexity of symbolism within ancient texts and provides insights into how different cultures and belief systems interpreted common motifs like the river Euphrates. It showcases the intricate interplay between religious, philosophical, and cultural elements shaping the symbolism and theological implications embedded in these narratives.
The river Euphrates, a prominent geographic feature in ancient texts, embodies universal themes that transcend specific cultural contexts. Identifying these universal themes helps reveal shared human concepts of transition, boundaries, and transformative events across diverse ancient traditions:
  1. Threshold and Transition:
  1. Boundary and Separation:
  1. Transformative Events:
  1. Symbol of Power and Control:
  1. Metaphor for Spiritual Journeys:
These universal themes associated with the river Euphrates highlight fundamental aspects of the human experience—transitions, boundaries, transformative events, power dynamics, and spiritual journeys. The river's symbolism in ancient texts speaks to shared human aspirations, struggles, and beliefs that transcend cultural boundaries and resonate across different epochs and civilizations.
By identifying and discussing these universal themes, participants gain a deeper appreciation for the profound symbolism embedded in ancient texts and recognize the timeless relevance of concepts such as transition, boundaries, and transformative events in shaping human narratives and aspirations.
  1. Historical Context:
  1. Symbolism and Esoteric Wisdom:
  1. Comparative Analysis:
  1. Parallelism in Biblical Texts:
  1. Community Beliefs and Practices:
  1. Cultural Significance of Cosmic Battles:
  1. Interpretive Variations and Unique Perspectives:
  1. Personal Reflection and Modern Relevance:
  1. Theological and Philosophical Implications:
  1. Literary and Symbolic Analysis:
- Analyze the narrative structure and symbolic elements present in specific passages of the War Scroll. How do these elements contribute to the text's overarching themes and meanings? 
These study questions aim to provoke critical thinking, promote in-depth exploration of themes, encourage comparative analysis, and stimulate discussions on the multifaceted nature of the War Scroll's content and its significance within ancient and contemporary contexts.
  1. Archaeological and Linguistic Analysis:
- How does the physical condition of the Dead Sea Scrolls, including the War Scroll, impact our understanding of their preservation and historical context? - Discuss the linguistic peculiarities or unique textual features found within the War Scroll and their implications for translation and interpretation. 
  1. Apocalyptic Expectations and Messianic Concepts:
- Explore the portrayal of messianic figures or anticipated saviors within the War Scroll. How do these concepts align with or diverge from contemporary expectations of a messianic figure in other ancient texts or religious traditions? 
  1. Impact of Apocalyptic Literature:
- Analyze the enduring influence of apocalyptic literature, such as the War Scroll, on subsequent religious, literary, or cultural traditions. How have these texts shaped later beliefs or inspired artistic and literary works? 
  1. Ethical and Moral Frameworks:
- Discuss the ethical or moral implications of the cosmic conflict depicted in the War Scroll. How do the themes of righteousness and wickedness contribute to the text's underlying moral framework? 
  1. Role of Prophecy and Revelation:
- Explore the role of prophecy and revelation within the War Scroll. How do the prophetic elements contribute to the text's portrayal of future events and cosmic justice? 
  1. Experiential and Ritualistic Elements:
- Investigate potential ritualistic or experiential dimensions associated with the teachings or beliefs conveyed in the War Scroll. How might the community have engaged with these teachings in their religious practices or communal activities? 
  1. Literary Genre and Interpretation:
- Discuss the classification of the War Scroll within the broader genre of apocalyptic literature. How does its classification influence our understanding and interpretation of its themes and symbolic elements? 
  1. Relevance in Modern Scholarship:
- Reflect on the ongoing scholarly debates or discoveries related to the War Scroll. How have modern interpretations evolved, and what implications do these new perspectives have on our understanding of the text? 
  1. Intersection of Faith and Scholarship:
- Consider the interplay between faith-based interpretations and scholarly analyses of the War Scroll. How might religious convictions or theological frameworks influence academic research and vice versa? 
  1. Future Research and Interpretative Avenues:
- Propose potential avenues for future research or areas of exploration concerning the War Scroll. What unanswered questions or unexplored aspects merit further investigation? 
The composition of the War Scroll, along with other Dead Sea Scrolls, was likely influenced by several historical events and societal conditions prevalent during the time of its writing, which is estimated to be between the 2nd century BCE and the 1st century CE:
  1. Hellenistic Rule and Cultural Influence:
  1. Political Turmoil and Resistance Movements:
  1. Religious Sects and Spiritual Expectations:
  1. Anticipation of Cosmic Redemption:
Regarding the historical context of the Dead Sea Scrolls' discovery, its significance lies in multiple facets:
  1. Preservation of Ancient Texts:
  1. Insights into Jewish Sectarianism:
  1. Confirmation of Scriptural Accuracy:
  1. Impact on Biblical Studies and Scholarship:
The historical context of political upheaval, religious expectations, and the preservation of texts within the Dead Sea Scrolls contributes significantly to understanding the milieu in which the War Scroll was written. It provides a backdrop against which the themes of cosmic conflict, eschatological anticipation, and religious fervor within the War Scroll can be comprehended.
submitted by adulting4kids to writingthruit [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 02:48 Beginning_Mood_9803 I’ve waited decades for HRT and it’s very surreal it is starting in a week

(*I did my makeup here but used FaceApp for the skin and hair!)
I was raised conservative and Christian. I even went to a private Christian high school. I had written a very dark poem that I don’t even remember what it said…but I do remember how I accidentally left it in class and someone anonymously turned it in which triggered a meeting w me, my parents and the principle. My dad was so upset that my mom was so sad that I learned early on to “keep up appearances”.
Some of the usual suspects: Sneaking into moms shoes at a young age, when older I was sneaking into my sisters wardrobes. When one got married, I hated what I was wearing and was so envious of her wedding dress. I played video games as female characters (and still do even at 53 now). I was jealous of the cheerleaders in high school, as an adult I almost always went as a female character for Halloween like Elsa from frozen, Supergirl or Alice in Wonderland…the list goes on.
It was probably that last costume listed that I started thinking it was more than just cross dressing. I remember coming home from that and crying (again, adult) as I didn’t want to take that look off my face. I didn’t know it at the time but that was gender dysphoria.
I rarely dated as although I liked women and still do, there was something different in how I’d relate with them. I pushed things down, binged and purged clothes and makeup more than I can remember. Eventually about 20 yrs ago I started almost exclusively going out with women who were trans. I know there are a lot of creepy chasers out there but in my case, looking at all the signs over the years, I was clearly trying to see THEIR life, and sadly kind of live my life vicariously through them I guess. I even ended up marrying a woman that is trans and still am after five years. She knew about my background beforehand but I was still trying to convince myself and her that it was just sporadic cross dressing.
At my work, I am allowed to wear nail polish and at first I felt paranoid about this and only did a few days a week and by now it’s pretty much 24/7 where I often forget I’m even wearing it. My dysphoria starting shooting up drastically then and I suddenly started really (allowing?) getting jealous of women’s clothes and body shapes. I’d feel awful about it but it was and is relentless. Around this time my wife was getting breast implants and I found myself happy for her but almost immediately I got extremely envious. Once again the person I married was essentially living the life I wish I started DECADES ago and I hadn’t even started HRT. I wouldn’t allow myself to even consider it.
Well there was an unrelated crisis months ago where we both went into individual therapy. And one thing, the main thing, that came out of mine is that to no surprise at all getting diagnosed with gender dysphoria.
I have an appointment that was made MONTHS ago (Florida, enough said) and it’s finally a week away as of tomorrow. To say that I am excited, scared, worried and so many other adjectives is a huge understatement. I’m not going to chicken out but man my wife and I will likely be getting divorced (still be friends) and my family still doesn’t even know as they will likely be blindsighted. I predict my mom will cry and my older sister will get mad but maybe I’m wrong. My brother cut me off five years ago when he found out I was marrying someone trans. The one person in my family who DOES know this about me is my younger sister who I’m closest to. Fortunately she and I are the same politically and culturally.
Have any of you that are on HRT actually waited a certain number of months (or even a year or more?) to tell family so that you could tell how it was making you feel mentally while on it so you could know 100% you weren’t one of the rare people that STOPS taking HRT? I just don’t know when and how to break something so life changing to them. And they are in California so I can’t exactly have a face to face meeting unfortunately. Did any of you get on a video call and tell your mom or dad? My younger sister has agreed to support me in this way if I do it when she is available to be at my moms for a call. Originally I was going to call May 1. Then I thought day of the first injection on May 20…but again now I’m wondering if I should wait at least two or three months to see how I’m feeling and looking. But I’m also afraid if I wait too long that they will next see me and I will look androgynous or something. I don’t usually see them more than once every 2-3 years and I will likely look VERY different by then.
Thank you for those that made it to the end of this, I’m sorry it was so long. I’m very excited but very stressed about all the likely fallout from this too. I can only hope that because I had married someone who is trans that they don’t think she suddenly made me this way but instead that maybe it will soften the shock with it being closer in the family than a transgender daughter in law or sister in law when they essentially always had another daughtesister in our family.
submitted by Beginning_Mood_9803 to TransLater [link] [comments]


2024.05.12 11:43 struggalogamer Troubled Teen Industry, my story

I am sharing this as an emotional outlet among other siblings in christ 
My Experience It was January 10, 2011. I’ll never forget that date. It was the day my life changed. Also it was the day of the college football national championship. I was and still am a big college football fan (Go Cal Bears!). Oregon was set to play auburn and i was going to watch it with my neighbor two doors down. I had been doing poorly in school, and yeah was a big pot head, still am, but am much more responsible. Anyways i told myself this semester i was going to actually try in school. I woke up at six am to get ready for my day, something that i never do. I went to put on my shoes and i noticed the laces were missing. Immediately i went to my mom and asked where are my laces? She wouldn’t give me an answer and was just acting so strange. Eventually she left the house and as she was leaving two men were walking up our walkway. I figured they were plumbers considering we had plumbing issues recently. They walked in and before I knew it they walked up to me on either side and slammed me to the ground and handcuffed me. I didn’t react as it was, I didn’t expect it for one, and for two when it began I froze, I didn’t know what to do. Once on the ground I started to squirm, I screamed “Please Help me help me I’m being kidnapped! Please!” They responded No use in screaming no one can hear you. I kept screaming. One of them said go ahead get it over with when your quiet it’ll be over sooner. After probably about ten minutes, I realized no use in fighting, they helped me up and walked me to a small suv and put me in the back and put the seat belt on me. This was the beginning. I remember on the way up to Yoncalla Oregon from Sacramento California we stopped at a burger king. They offered to get me some but food was the last thing on my mind. Looking back I wish I had taken up the offer. I remember being by the ashtray seeing a half smoked cigarette and asking to smoke it, they said I couldn’t. After a long drive we got there they walked me in. The whole way I talked about how I’d get away and run away. Well of course they told the staff at Scott Valley. By the way this is the perfect point to say I was sent to Scott Valley School in Yoncalla, Oregon. One of the many so called trouble teen schools. So being told I had threatened to run away I was put on runaway watch. For about two weeks I was forced to sleep under a light. I obviously didn’t get much sleep. Also I always had two higher phase watchers who would stand on each side of me. They had phases there was like five or six I believe. Most were 2 and 1. There were like 3 phase 3’s and 1 phase 5. There was like 20-30 of us at a time. Anyway where do I start. As I write this, with the emotions and ptsd it comes in full force and yet hazy at the same time. Maybe my head trying to protect me? So I was there seven months, thank god thats it. There were people that had been there years. Some of the people there, my god, I don’t know what to say. From a 12 year old who molested his 1 year old brother and put fish hooks in his carpet so his parents would step on it, to kids that were in there later teens who had used hard drugs, kids that had been molested and acted out as a result, kids that just were wilding out period, a lot of different walks. After I got off of runaway watch I got back on it within two weeks. I was in trouble sitting at the essay table while pe was going on. So one of the punishments was writing essays. But anyway there were two other kids at the table, the twelve year old i mentioned above and the only black kid there on the boys side. I looked at them and said if we worked together we could escape this place. They both just dead stared at me. When it was time to line up, the 12 year old went away first, the other kid looked at me and said were gonna get in trouble, that kid is a snitch and is going to tell on you. He was right. I got put on the “wall” because of that. For two weeks when not eating, sleeping, or using the bathroom, I was staring at a wall were a dot was drawn with a piece of paper on it. I would just let my imagination run wild while this happened thinking about home, friends, family, make believe countries governments politics, anything to keep the mind entertained or semi at peace! There was a green jacket my parents sent up for me that was my grandpa on my mothers side. Grandpa Applegate. It was a super cool green jacket with fake fure on the color, it looked like something you’d wear in the winter in Moscow. They said it had too many pockets and I could hide things in it. So they took it away. They put it in the Pod where all of our extra stuff was stored. Well one pod day where we could exchange stuff, there was a different staff member on duty then the one who said I couldn’t wear it. So i got it out and he didn’t know so i got to wear it for a bit. So when the other staff member got back on shift, he saw the jacket. I was banned from wearing a sweatshirt of any kind for a month. When we had outside pe everyday in Febuary to March I would get so cold. When I would put my hands in my shirt I would get another essay. This is Central Oregon, it gets cold that time of year! So some facts about the living situation, you had three minutes for showers and bathroom. You go over that you get an essay. You get more time the higher phase you get. You ever take a shit in three minutes? If done successfully I commend you. I would go five days without shitting because one of the night workers a guy named Johnny would not keep track of time when I’d get up to ask the restroom in the early morning. Johnny was an angel in a sense. Taking an uninterrupted shit was some of the most bliss I could get. Not trying to be gross but when using the restroom even was so restricted, being able to use the restroom not timed felt like hitting the lotto. When we’d wake up at seven am we only had 1 min to get up and make our bed, timed, if we didn’t make it wed get an essay. I’m naming these things as I remember different events, not necessarily in chronological order, but different events that happened. I had a peach fuzz mustache i was so proud of and long curly hair. They gave me a buzz cut and forced me to shave. My dad sent my grandpa Andrews old electric razor. That’s my dads dad. My biggest hero in my life. His name I got tatted on me at 19. I write this at 29. He died when I was 9. Most of the other kids had razors you could charge, mine needed to be plugged in to work, I didn’t understand that. I had never shaved to begin with, so I thought it was broken. I threw it away and put in a request for a new one. My father told them it was a plug in, but it was already to late so he needed to order me a new one. At a group therapy session thing, yeah we did that every day, and none of the people working there had any degrees that could go to the field they were working in. Anyway my writing is not perfect so as I was saying, at a group therapy thing, Jad one of the main guys working there brought up the razor, he said I knew it wasn’t broken, but I just wanted a new one. You don’t love your grandpa youre just a selfish little bitch. Those words still are ingrained in my mind. I know they are false but god damn they hurt. I cried. As I cried he just continued to tell me how selfish I am and im a bitch a pussy etc. William Frederick Andrews was my grandfathers name, as said I got it tatted on me at 19. He was born 1924, in 2024, my first child, a son, was born, William Frederick Andrews II. I call that a moral victory. Crazy how it worked out to be a 100 year difference. Another time it was 420, I cried because I wanted to smoke and he called me out on it in group therapy. He called me a bitch, a pussy, the usual. Weird things happened there, like one time they did a “fire drill” in the middle of the night, we had to go out into the cold in our underwear for five minutes until it was over. There were girls there but they were in a separate area. When they walked by or vice versa we had to look the other way. One of the many reasons it got shut down is there was a case of a student raping another. Apparently the girl who reported it got hounded in group therapy to the point she recanted. Now I could be wrong, but I think I know the person who did it, only one guy from the male side reached level five to the point where he became staff and could go to the girl side for group therapy. I don’t know for sure but that’s what i assume. At one point they were building a new building and they had us digging the ground around it for construction. Yeah they had us do all the cleaning indoors and out doors. If you were bad you could have your school privileges taken away. I had one kid who was a phase above me copy my work. He got caught. He got demoted, and got repromoted before I left. I never got past phase 1. So phase 1 red shirt. Phase 2 green shirt. Phase 3 Blue shirt. Phase 4 and above whatever you want. Like I said a lot of this is not in order. I am writing this in one go after years of talking about it to my loved ones. Put my thoughts to the pen, or keyboard in this case. So they did this thing were it was like a week, where it was the program or some weird name. They would break you down and “build you up” you would get a demeaning name for a week and then get an empowering name. I got the picture that if you were just a weed smoking low grade getting teen, you wouldn’t be ever seen as getting progress, you had to have “admitting to a bad act” of some sort. I made a story about how I let a girl cut me and drink my blood and how I thought about killing my dad. I know, like why would one lie and say that?!, well I figured if I had said I had done that and then shown to be turned good, it would reward me as changed and out that place. Looking back im like what the fuck. But I just wanted out and I was sure as hell willing to lie my way out. So yeah i went by like blood sucker or something like that for a week, but thats not bad. I remember so well one girl who was adopted and had relations with several boys back where she was from, she got sent there for that, and her name for the week was “Orphan Whore”. Also there were other students who weren’t going through the program that were involved with the process. Elon school or something like that where students yell at other students all sorts of insulting shit The end of it I reclaimed my name or whatever and they had me do like a ballet dance kind of weird thing to show rebirth, not that ballets weird, but in this scenario, yeah. I remember there was a day they said the world was going to end, someday in May 2011 some random wacko said, it made headlines as a joke more than anything, but i remember hearing it and hoping it happens because I wanted out. There was a gym there with rafters. I used to dream of hanging myself from them to get out. I dreamed about a car driving into the school and opening a wall up so we could run away. They used to tell us if we ran away there is bear and cougars out there, if they dont get us the cops will, and theyll put us in juvi just to have us sent back when out. They had these things called group essays. If someone did something and it no one admitted to it wed all have to write an essay about how we could have prevented it. One time a kid wiped shit on all the walls in the bathroom, the kid never admitted to it so we all had to write an essay on how we could have prevented it. I remember one time going to use the bathroom there was semen on the toilet seat, lol teen boys sex drive. I just wiped it off before I sat down. One time late at night I was masterbating in my bed. There was 20 of us sleeping in bunks in the same room, the kid who ended up copying my work i mentioned, saw me making some um, sheet movements, and looked my way giving me a dirty look, i just rolled over pretending like i was scratching, oh snap, almost caught. Not trying to be disgusting, teenage boys, find one that doesn’t masterbate, and i’ll give you some ocean beach front property in Kansas. You got weekly phone calls with your parents, you never dared to say what was going on because they were always listening. Letters same, they read them, so no use in saying something, they’ll just read it and throw it away, later my father asked me why didn’t you tell me what was going on? Well… My gf at the time ended up getting a bf after 6 months of waiting, i don’t blame her. Hey it was teenage love so im not hurt, but at the time it hurt because neither of us willingly ended it. She sent me a bookmark to have up there, it had us kissing on it, they took it from me for it being sexually explicit. They banned me from sitting up in bed and praying. I was atheist from 12 to 27 except for that time, i came back to my faith, praying for my exodus. I’m a christian again now, but only after I found a denomination that was open and affirming because I’m bisexual. Thinking about this, my mind can’t explain the pain, the rain of emotional trauma that falls in my cranium. Many times I’ve turned to cocaine, liquor, and suicidal thoughts because of the pain. It fucked my whole concept of everything in life. My emotions, my understanding of control of my own life, my ability to have healthy relationships, just so much. I still have dreams of being back there and wake up with nightmares, I was sixteen then, i turn 30 this year thirty, i have a beautiful amazing wife, a son who is the biggest blessing in my life, like i got it together now, but I don’t still, obvious by writing this. I remember one time getting to get my glasses prescription. They had to take me to town, the eye doctor, i thought about coming to him for help, but I thought if he works with these people, hell just report me to them, not them to authorities. My grandpa applegate, my moms dad, he died of suicide while I was gone, diagnosed with a terminal cancer he took it into his own hands. I never got to say good bye. When his funeral happened I wasn’t brought home for it, no, I was allowed to “write a letter to be read”. I wrote a letter, and it got read and a lot of family members said how deep it was and mature, I till this day have never watched the funeral video, I can’t. Because I should have been there. When I was on the wall, lookin towards the window could get me in trouble, because it was considered plotting an escape. I read in an english class I know where the caged bird sings, it became my favorite poem because I would watch the birds on the outside of the window and see how free they were. The joy of that. I was a juggalo, they banned me of talking anything icp related. I’d hum icp songs in protest, not like they knew them, also still a juggalo, two scoops of whoop. They day my dad came to get me, well I was peeing, and when I got out I saw him by the front door which was not far from the restroom, I ran up and hugged him saying oh my god dad! I love you! I started crying. He took to the place I always heard the workers there talk about a place called the Sugar Shack, a donut shop. Gosh dang good donuts! Then he took me to some cousins on the coast of oregon. Two days being out I was running on the beaches of the oregon coast. The sand in my feet, the breeze, the feeling of freedom. Scotts Valley School was shut down i think in 2016 for child abuse, i will link articles, but damn that place will forever haunt my head. The bats of the cave of my mind. I am married now with a family. I do my best to be a strong individual and provide, but this place has forever scared me and left me feeling weak. I couldn’t protect myself, so now I want to do everything to protect my family and be there for them. Scotts Valley school, I now live in a place called Scott Valley, the geographic area name, all come full circle? There is probably a lot more I could add to this, but for now, I just wanted to write down the bare minimum. If you have read this, thank you. I have found peace in my mind, heart, and soul as much as I can, and I hope those who have gone through similar ordeals can find some semblance of peace in their existence as well. I thank Jesus for keeping me hopeful in times I wanted to die. God bless you all.
https://www.statesmanjournal.com/story/news/politics/2015/12/14/lack-food-among-abuse-and-neglect-complaints-boarding-school/77246394/
https://www.oregonlive.com/politics/2015/12/hunger_vulgar_names_oregon_air.html
https://www.columbian.com/news/2016/jan/07/oregon-threatens-license-of-teen-boarding-school/
https://www.facebook.com/anorexicchild/posts/scotts-valley-boarding-school-in-yoncalla-oregon-scotts-valley-school-starved-th/368786460137878/
https://media.oregonlive.com/politics_impact/otheScotts%20Valley%20Notice%20of%20Intent%20to%20Revoke%20December%2011%202015.pdf
Ps the starved kid in the please eat post is not me
submitted by struggalogamer to Christianity [link] [comments]


2024.05.12 11:29 struggalogamer Scotts Valley School Yoncalla, Oregon (closed)

My Experience 
It was January 10, 2011. I’ll never forget that date. It was the day my life changed. Also it was the day of the college football national championship. I was and still am a big college football fan (Go Cal Bears!). Oregon was set to play auburn and i was going to watch it with my neighbor two doors down. I had been doing poorly in school, and yeah was a big pot head, still am, but am much more responsible. Anyways i told myself this semester i was going to actually try in school. I woke up at six am to get ready for my day, something that i never do. I went to put on my shoes and i noticed the laces were missing. Immediately i went to my mom and asked where are my laces? She wouldn’t give me an answer and was just acting so strange. Eventually she left the house and as she was leaving two men were walking up our walkway. I figured they were plumbers considering we had plumbing issues recently. They walked in and before I knew it they walked up to me on either side and slammed me to the ground and handcuffed me. I didn’t react as it was, I didn’t expect it for one, and for two when it began I froze, I didn’t know what to do. Once on the ground I started to squirm, I screamed “Please Help me help me I’m being kidnapped! Please!” They responded No use in screaming no one can hear you. I kept screaming. One of them said go ahead get it over with when your quiet it’ll be over sooner. After probably about ten minutes, I realized no use in fighting, they helped me up and walked me to a small suv and put me in the back and put the seat belt on me. This was the beginning. I remember on the way up to Yoncalla Oregon from Sacramento California we stopped at a burger king. They offered to get me some but food was the last thing on my mind. Looking back I wish I had taken up the offer. I remember being by the ashtray seeing a half smoked cigarette and asking to smoke it, they said I couldn’t. After a long drive we got there they walked me in. The whole way I talked about how I’d get away and run away. Well of course they told the staff at Scott Valley. By the way this is the perfect point to say I was sent to Scott Valley School in Yoncalla, Oregon. One of the many so called trouble teen schools. So being told I had threatened to run away I was put on runaway watch. For about two weeks I was forced to sleep under a light. I obviously didn’t get much sleep. Also I always had two higher phase watchers who would stand on each side of me. They had phases there was like five or six I believe. Most were 2 and 1. There were like 3 phase 3’s and 1 phase 5. There was like 20-30 of us at a time. Anyway where do I start. As I write this, with the emotions and ptsd it comes in full force and yet hazy at the same time. Maybe my head trying to protect me? So I was there seven months, thank god thats it. There were people that had been there years. Some of the people there, my god, I don’t know what to say. From a 12 year old who molested his 1 year old brother and put fish hooks in his carpet so his parents would step on it, to kids that were in there later teens who had used hard drugs, kids that had been molested and acted out as a result, kids that just were wilding out period, a lot of different walks. After I got off of runaway watch I got back on it within two weeks. I was in trouble sitting at the essay table while pe was going on. So one of the punishments was writing essays. But anyway there were two other kids at the table, the twelve year old i mentioned above and the only black kid there on the boys side. I looked at them and said if we worked together we could escape this place. They both just dead stared at me. When it was time to line up, the 12 year old went away first, the other kid looked at me and said were gonna get in trouble, that kid is a snitch and is going to tell on you. He was right. I got put on the “wall” because of that. For two weeks when not eating, sleeping, or using the bathroom, I was staring at a wall were a dot was drawn with a piece of paper on it. I would just let my imagination run wild while this happened thinking about home, friends, family, make believe countries governments politics, anything to keep the mind entertained or semi at peace! There was a green jacket my parents sent up for me that was my grandpa on my mothers side. Grandpa Applegate. It was a super cool green jacket with fake fure on the color, it looked like something you’d wear in the winter in Moscow. They said it had too many pockets and I could hide things in it. So they took it away. They put it in the Pod where all of our extra stuff was stored. Well one pod day where we could exchange stuff, there was a different staff member on duty then the one who said I couldn’t wear it. So i got it out and he didn’t know so i got to wear it for a bit. So when the other staff member got back on shift, he saw the jacket. I was banned from wearing a sweatshirt of any kind for a month. When we had outside pe everyday in Febuary to March I would get so cold. When I would put my hands in my shirt I would get another essay. This is Central Oregon, it gets cold that time of year! So some facts about the living situation, you had three minutes for showers and bathroom. You go over that you get an essay. You get more time the higher phase you get. You ever take a shit in three minutes? If done successfully I commend you. I would go five days without shitting because one of the night workers a guy named Johnny would not keep track of time when I’d get up to ask the restroom in the early morning. Johnny was an angel in a sense. Taking an uninterrupted shit was some of the most bliss I could get. Not trying to be gross but when using the restroom even was so restricted, being able to use the restroom not timed felt like hitting the lotto. When we’d wake up at seven am we only had 1 min to get up and make our bed, timed, if we didn’t make it wed get an essay. I’m naming these things as I remember different events, not necessarily in chronological order, but different events that happened. I had a peach fuzz mustache i was so proud of and long curly hair. They gave me a buzz cut and forced me to shave. My dad sent my grandpa Andrews old electric razor. That’s my dads dad. My biggest hero in my life. His name I got tatted on me at 19. I write this at 29. He died when I was 9. Most of the other kids had razors you could charge, mine needed to be plugged in to work, I didn’t understand that. I had never shaved to begin with, so I thought it was broken. I threw it away and put in a request for a new one. My father told them it was a plug in, but it was already to late so he needed to order me a new one. At a group therapy session thing, yeah we did that every day, and none of the people working there had any degrees that could go to the field they were working in. Anyway my writing is not perfect so as I was saying, at a group therapy thing, Jad one of the main guys working there brought up the razor, he said I knew it wasn’t broken, but I just wanted a new one. You don’t love your grandpa youre just a selfish little bitch. Those words still are ingrained in my mind. I know they are false but god damn they hurt. I cried. As I cried he just continued to tell me how selfish I am and im a bitch a pussy etc. William Frederick Andrews was my grandfathers name, as said I got it tatted on me at 19. He was born 1924, in 2024, my first child, a son, was born, William Frederick Andrews II. I call that a moral victory. Crazy how it worked out to be a 100 year difference. Another time it was 420, I cried because I wanted to smoke and he called me out on it in group therapy. He called me a bitch, a pussy, the usual. Weird things happened there, like one time they did a “fire drill” in the middle of the night, we had to go out into the cold in our underwear for five minutes until it was over. There were girls there but they were in a separate area. When they walked by or vice versa we had to look the other way. One of the many reasons it got shut down is there was a case of a student raping another. Apparently the girl who reported it got hounded in group therapy to the point she recanted. Now I could be wrong, but I think I know the person who did it, only one guy from the male side reached level five to the point where he became staff and could go to the girl side for group therapy. I don’t know for sure but that’s what i assume. At one point they were building a new building and they had us digging the ground around it for construction. Yeah they had us do all the cleaning indoors and out doors. If you were bad you could have your school privileges taken away. I had one kid who was a phase above me copy my work. He got caught. He got demoted, and got repromoted before I left. I never got past phase 1. So phase 1 red shirt. Phase 2 green shirt. Phase 3 Blue shirt. Phase 4 and above whatever you want. Like I said a lot of this is not in order. I am writing this in one go after years of talking about it to my loved ones. Put my thoughts to the pen, or keyboard in this case. So they did this thing were it was like a week, where it was the program or some weird name. They would break you down and “build you up” you would get a demeaning name for a week and then get an empowering name. I got the picture that if you were just a weed smoking low grade getting teen, you wouldn’t be ever seen as getting progress, you had to have “admitting to a bad act” of some sort. I made a story about how I let a girl cut me and drink my blood and how I thought about killing my dad. I know, like why would one lie and say that?!, well I figured if I had said I had done that and then shown to be turned good, it would reward me as changed and out that place. Looking back im like what the fuck. But I just wanted out and I was sure as hell willing to lie my way out. So yeah i went by like blood sucker or something like that for a week, but thats not bad. I remember so well one girl who was adopted and had relations with several boys back where she was from, she got sent there for that, and her name for the week was “Orphan Whore”. Also there were other students who weren’t going through the program that were involved with the process. Elon school or something like that where students yell at other students all sorts of insulting shit The end of it I reclaimed my name or whatever and they had me do like a ballet dance kind of weird thing to show rebirth, not that ballets weird, but in this scenario, yeah. I remember there was a day they said the world was going to end, someday in May 2011 some random wacko said, it made headlines as a joke more than anything, but i remember hearing it and hoping it happens because I wanted out. There was a gym there with rafters. I used to dream of hanging myself from them to get out. I dreamed about a car driving into the school and opening a wall up so we could run away. They used to tell us if we ran away there is bear and cougars out there, if they dont get us the cops will, and theyll put us in juvi just to have us sent back when out. They had these things called group essays. If someone did something and it no one admitted to it wed all have to write an essay about how we could have prevented it. One time a kid wiped shit on all the walls in the bathroom, the kid never admitted to it so we all had to write an essay on how we could have prevented it. I remember one time going to use the bathroom there was semen on the toilet seat, lol teen boys sex drive. I just wiped it off before I sat down. One time late at night I was masterbating in my bed. There was 20 of us sleeping in bunks in the same room, the kid who ended up copying my work i mentioned, saw me making some um, sheet movements, and looked my way giving me a dirty look, i just rolled over pretending like i was scratching, oh snap, almost caught. Not trying to be disgusting, teenage boys, find one that doesn’t masterbate, and i’ll give you some ocean beach front property in Kansas. You got weekly phone calls with your parents, you never dared to say what was going on because they were always listening. Letters same, they read them, so no use in saying something, they’ll just read it and throw it away, later my father asked me why didn’t you tell me what was going on? Well… My gf at the time ended up getting a bf after 6 months of waiting, i don’t blame her. Hey it was teenage love so im not hurt, but at the time it hurt because neither of us willingly ended it. She sent me a bookmark to have up there, it had us kissing on it, they took it from me for it being sexually explicit. They banned me from sitting up in bed and praying. I was atheist from 12 to 27 except for that time, i came back to my faith, praying for my exodus. I’m a christian again now, but only after I found a denomination that was open and affirming because I’m bisexual. Thinking about this, my mind can’t explain the pain, the rain of emotional trauma that falls in my cranium. Many times I’ve turned to cocaine, liquor, and suicidal thoughts because of the pain. It fucked my whole concept of everything in life. My emotions, my understanding of control of my own life, my ability to have healthy relationships, just so much. I still have dreams of being back there and wake up with nightmares, I was sixteen then, i turn 30 this year thirty, i have a beautiful amazing wife, a son who is the biggest blessing in my life, like i got it together now, but I don’t still, obvious by writing this. I remember one time getting to get my glasses prescription. They had to take me to town, the eye doctor, i thought about coming to him for help, but I thought if he works with these people, hell just report me to them, not them to authorities. My grandpa applegate, my moms dad, he died of suicide while I was gone, diagnosed with a terminal cancer he took it into his own hands. I never got to say good bye. When his funeral happened I wasn’t brought home for it, no, I was allowed to “write a letter to be read”. I wrote a letter, and it got read and a lot of family members said how deep it was and mature, I till this day have never watched the funeral video, I can’t. Because I should have been there. When I was on the wall, lookin towards the window could get me in trouble, because it was considered plotting an escape. I read in an english class I know where the caged bird sings, it became my favorite poem because I would watch the birds on the outside of the window and see how free they were. The joy of that. I was a juggalo, they banned me of talking anything icp related. I’d hum icp songs in protest, not like they knew them, also still a juggalo, two scoops of whoop. They day my dad came to get me, well I was peeing, and when I got out I saw him by the front door which was not far from the restroom, I ran up and hugged him saying oh my god dad! I love you! I started crying. He took to the place I always heard the workers there talk about a place called the Sugar Shack, a donut shop. Gosh dang good donuts! Then he took me to some cousins on the coast of oregon. Two days being out I was running on the beaches of the oregon coast. The sand in my feet, the breeze, the feeling of freedom. Scotts Valley School was shut down i think in 2016 for child abuse, i will link articles, but damn that place will forever haunt my head. The bats of the cave of my mind. I am married now with a family. I do my best to be a strong individual and provide, but this place has forever scared me and left me feeling weak. I couldn’t protect myself, so now I want to do everything to protect my family and be there for them. Scotts Valley school, I now live in a place called Scott Valley, the geographic area name, all come full circle? There is probably a lot more I could add to this, but for now, I just wanted to write down the bare minimum. If you have read this, thank you. I have found peace in my mind, heart, and soul as much as I can, and I hope those who have gone through similar ordeals can find some semblance of peace in their existence as well. I thank Jesus for keeping me hopeful in times I wanted to die. God bless you all.
https://www.statesmanjournal.com/story/news/politics/2015/12/14/lack-food-among-abuse-and-neglect-complaints-boarding-school/77246394/
https://www.oregonlive.com/politics/2015/12/hunger_vulgar_names_oregon_air.html
https://www.columbian.com/news/2016/jan/07/oregon-threatens-license-of-teen-boarding-school/
https://www.facebook.com/anorexicchild/posts/scotts-valley-boarding-school-in-yoncalla-oregon-scotts-valley-school-starved-th/368786460137878/
https://media.oregonlive.com/politics_impact/otheScotts%20Valley%20Notice%20of%20Intent%20to%20Revoke%20December%2011%202015.pdf
Ps the starved kid in the please eat post is not me
submitted by struggalogamer to troubledteens [link] [comments]


2024.05.10 20:04 Vukobasa An observer in the Near East: MONTENEGRO (1907)

An observer in the Near East: MONTENEGRO (1907)
ΜΟΝΤΕΝEGRO
CHAPTER I
THE CITY IN THE SKY
Why I went to the Balkans―The road to Montenegro―Cettinje and its petroleum tins―About the blood-feud―England and Montenegro―Warned not to attempt to go to Albania―My guide a marked man-The story of Tef―A woman's fickleness, and its sequel.
CHAPTER II
AN AUDIENCE OF PRINCE NICHOLAS
The Palace at Cettinje―A cigarette with the Prince―The policy of Montenegro―A confidential chat―His Royal Highness's admiration for England―His views upon Macedonia―He urges me not to attempt to go to Albania. but I persuade him to help me―His Highness's kindness―Souvenirs.
**
CHAPTER I
THE CITY IN THE SKY
Why I went to the Balkans— The road to Montenegro — Cettinje and its petroleum tins — About the blood-feud — England and Montenegro — Warned not to attempt to go to Albania — My guide a marked man — The story of Tef — A woman's fickleness, and its sequel.
I ENTERED the Balkans by the back door. The luxuries of the Orient Express had no attraction for me. I wanted to see the Balkans as they really are, those great, wild, mountainous countries, so full of race hatreds, of political bickerings, of fierce blood-feuds, of feverish propa- gandas those nations with their interesting monarchs and their many mysteries.
The "Orient" runs direct from Paris to the Balkan capitals, it is true, but if one goes to study a people the capital is not the only place in which to discover the truth. One must go into the country, move among the peasantry, hear their grievances and investigate their wrongs. Therefore I decided to enter the East by Montenegro, and also visit the wild and little-known regions of Northern Albania.
The comfortable voyage by the Austrian-Lloyd mail steamer Graf Wurmbrand from Trieste down the Adriatic, touching at Pola, the Austrian naval station, Lussinpiccolo, Zara- famed for its maraschino-Sebenico, Spalato, and Gravosa to Cattaro, has been already described by many writers. Suffice it to say that it is perhaps one of the most picturesque of pleasure-trips in the world, for every moment one has a fresh panorama of mountain and blue sea, of green, fertile islands with subtropical vegetation, and tiny white villages nestling at the sea's edge, as the steamer threads her way through the narrow and often difficult channels.
At times the wild scenery, especially in the Bocche di Cattaro, reminds the traveller of the Norwegian fiords, and at others the coast is an almost exact reproduction of the French Riviera.
The object of my journey was, however, not in order to write a mere description of men and places. There have been other travellers in the Balkans who have related their story, therefore my mission was to make careful inquiry into the present unsettled state of affairs, try and discover the grievances of both sides, and endeavour to obtain from the rulers and statesmen of the various nations their aspirations for the future. This I succeeded in doing, for the various monarchs of the Balkans graciously gave me audience; and from their Ministers, from the middle classes, and from the peasants, I was enabled at last to form some conclusion as to the real situation-political, economical, social, and financial.
The writer who attempts to place the various Balkan questions impartially and clearly before the public will at once find himself utterly confused, and wallowing wildly in a morass of misstatement and misrepresentation. The Balkans are torn by race hatreds, party strife, and the intrigues of the Powers. The Turk hates the Bulgar, the Serb hates the Austrian, the Roumanian hates the Greek, the Albanian hates the Montenegrin, the Bosnian hates the Turk, while the Macedonian hates everybody all round. What is told to one authoritatively one hour, is flatly contradicted the next; therefore it is not in the least surprising that in the European Press there have been so many misstatements about the various Balkan questions, the real truth being so very difficult to obtain.
I have, however, endeavoured to obtain it, and at risk of being injudicious, to place before the reader the facts as they are, without any political bias, or any seeking to gloss over the many glaring defects of administration of which I have myself been witness.
To describe the beauties of the Bocche di Cattaro, that series of winding channels where the high grey mountains rise sheer from the water, would be only to traverse old ground. Suffice it to say that I landed at Cattaro on a bright, sunny noon, and found upon the quay a tall, lean mountaineer who had been sent to meet me.
To the traveller fresh from the West the Montenegrin costume of both women and men is very attractive, but a few days in the Balkans soon accustoms the eye to a perfect phantasmagoria of colour and of costume. Pero was my driver's name, and I noticed that around his waist was a revolver belt, but minus the weapon. I inquired where it was, and with a grin he informed me that Cattaro, being in Dalmatia, the Austrians would not allow Montenegrins to bring arms into their country; so they were compelled to leave them on the other side of the frontier, ten kilometres distant.
My bags packed upon the three-horse travelling carriage and secured with many strings, and Pero equipped with a plentiful stock of cigarettes, he mounted upon the box, whipped up his long-tailed ponies, and we started on our eight-hour ascent of that great wall of mountain that hides Montenegro from the sea.
As we ascended through the little village of Skaljari we entered upon a magnificent road, said to be one of the greatest engineering feats of modern times, and steadily ascended, until at the striped black-and-yellow Austrian boundary post we crossed the frontier, and were in the "Land of the Black Mountain"-Montenegro. Across the road, at an acute angle, a row of paving-stones marks the frontier, and soon after- wards we found ourselves in the wildest and most desolate mountain region. At a lonely roadside hut Pero obtained his big, serviceable-looking revolver, and I, of course, wore mine in my belt; for in Montenegro or Albania arms make the man. A man unarmed is looked upon as an effeminate coward. Indeed, by order of Prince Nicholas every Monte- negrin must wear the national dress, both men and women, and every man must carry his revolver when out of doors.
Four hours from Cattaro we were in a lonely mountain fastness, a wild, desolate, treeless region of huge limestone rocks of peculiar volcanic formation, which gave them the appearance of a boiling sea. The views over the Adriatic as we turned back were so superb that, despite photographing being strictly forbidden on account of the fortresses in the vicinity, I could not resist the temptation to take one or two surreptitiously. On, through a bleak, uninhabited country, we at last reached the guard-house of Kerstac, and then half an hour later found ourselves upon a plateau where, in the centre, stood the small clean village of Nyegush, the ancestral home of the reigning family, and the scene of most of the Montenegrin wars of independence. Here we halted for half an hour at the post-house, and before we left, the big, lumbering post-diligence, with its armed guard, came up behind us.
Before we moved off again it had grown dark, the moon shone, and for four hours longer we alternately climbed and descended through that wild region of silence and desolation, until at last we saw, deep below, the lights of Cettinje, the little capital, and an hour later brought us to the unpre- tending "Grand" Hotel.
Hardly had I entered my room when there came a loud knock at my door, and a tall, scarlet-coated Montenegrin warrior, armed to the teeth, entered and saluted. For a moment I looked up at him aghast, but the mystery was solved when, next second, he handed me with great ceremony a telegram from a dear friend in England wishing me God- speed. I had taken him to be, at least, one of the Prince's bodyguard, and he was only a plain telegraph messenger!
This was but one of many surprises in store for me in Montenegro. Next morning I went out to look round the clean little capital, when, on passing the Prince's palace, I saw a number of soldiers drawn up, and as I went by, the band suddenly struck up the British National Anthem! I raised my hat, halted, and stood puzzled. Surely they were not honouring me! Another moment, however, and I recognised the reason. In a carriage, accompanied by the Grand Marechal of the Court, there drove up my friend Mr. Charles des Graz, the newly-appointed British Chargé d'Affaires to Montenegro, who was about to present his creden- tials to His Royal Highness the Prince.
Montenegro is perhaps the most interesting country in all the Balkans. Cettinje, a small, clean town of broad streets and one-storeyed, whitewashed houses, is a little city in the sky, lying as it does in a cup-shaped depression at the summit of a high, bare mountain. Its long, straight, main street reminds one very much of a small country town in England, if it were not that everyone is, by law, compelled to wear the national dress, and every man has in his belt his big, long- barrelled revolver, without which he must never go out of doors.
The men, sturdy mountaineers, are of fine physique- handsome fellows, all of them. Their dress consists of dark blue baggy trousers, white woollen gaiters, raw-hide shoes, a scarlet jacket heavily braided with gold, and a small round cap, with black silk around the edge and the crown of the same colour as the jacket, bearing the Prince's initials in Servian letters, "H.I." The women, who are particularly good-looking, wear dark skirts, beautifully hand-embroidered blouses, and a kind of long coat, with open sleeves of soft, dove-grey cloth. Forbidden to wear European hats, they are compelled to adopt an exactly similar cap to the men, except that the crown is embroidered instead of bearing the royal initials.
Nowhere have I seen such glorification of the male as in Montenegro. To the men, born fighters as they are, work is undignified; therefore the women toil while the opposite sex look on. I saw women employed in building operations and performing work which, in other countries, is left to day- labourers.
Cettinje is quaint in the extreme. The only houses of foreigners are the various Legations, and the only foreigners are diplomats with their wives and families. The first thing that strikes the stranger is the number of petroleum tins. Opposite the hotel I saw a great ring of empty tins, numbering some hundreds, ranged around a fountain. A few women were squatting gossiping, and an armed policeman lounged against the water-source. On inquiry, I found that there was a water famine, and the tins had been placed there at dawn to await the moment when the authorities thought fit to allow the people to get their daily supply. The women had gone away to work, and would return later. The Monte- negrins a short time ago constructed a reservoir, but there was a crack in it, so the water ran away. Hence the famine.
The petroleum tin is never out of sight for a single moment in Cettinje. At any hour, and in any street, you see women and children carrying them. They are used for everything, from milk-pails to flower-pots.
In Cettinje one comes for the first time up against the dark-faced, scowling Albanian in his tightly fitting trousers of white wool striped with black, his dirty white fez, and the swagger of superiority in his gait. He is well armed, and for a good reason. The Montenegrin hates the Albanian, because of the constant border feuds over at Podgoritza, where blood is constantly spilt, and where I have seen a Montenegrin in the market squatting over a basket of apples with a loaded rifle.
That morning I was chatting to a man in Montenegrin dress, of whom I had bought some excellent cigarettes, manufactured by the Montenegro Tobacco Monopoly-an Italian syndicate, by the way and happened to mention that I was on my way to Albania. "Ah, gospodin!" he exclaimed, holding up both his hands, and glancing at the revolver in my belt. "Take my advice.
Don't go into Albania or Macedonia. You are not safe there from one moment to the other. For half a word they'll shoot you dead as easily as they drink a glass of wine. No man's life is worth a moment's purchase there. I'm Albanian myself from Kroja-and I know."
This was scarcely reassuring. I looked about me on every hand as I strolled through Cettinje. All was so quiet, so orderly, so very peaceful there, even though the big, burly mountaineers in the gold-laced jackets eyed me with askance as I passed. Not without some trepidation I took a number of photographs, for I had heard that, like the Turk, the Monte- negrin was averse to having his counterfeit presentment put upon paper. Nevertheless, the first feeling of insecurity having passed, I very soon found myself quite at home in Cettinje, and in the midst of very good and kind friends.
A good many foreigners come up from Cattaro to pry about Cettinje for a day or two, buy picture-postcards and antique arms, sneer at the honest Montenegrin, and return into Dalmatia. Towards such, the Montenegrin is not par- ticularly polite. But those who go to Cettinje to seriously and thoroughly study the people and their future will find a great deal of genuine and charming hospitality.
My first day in Cettinje was lonely. Afterwards, until I left, I was always with friends and officials, who took the greatest trouble to answer my questions and explain matters.
Montenegro is entirely unlike any other country in the world. Its air of antiquity is particularly pleasing, while on every hand the beneficent rule of Prince Nicholas is apparent. Every man in Montenegro swears by his Prince, whom he almost worships. They call him their "father," and if His Royal Highness raised the standard of war to- morrow, every man would rise and fight to the death. The Prince is accessible to all his people-more so to them, indeed, than to the diplomats. Sometimes, early in the morning, he will sit in an arm-chair on the steps leading to the entrance of his palace, and there hear the complaints or petitions of his people. In this patriarchal way he often ministers justice. Last year he granted Montenegro a Constitution, and there is now a Skupshtina similar to that of Servia; but the people have not yet quite understood that in future they must go to the Ministers, and not to their Prince. They will see him, and nobody else.
In no country is loyalty and patriotism so strong as in Montenegro. The army is well trained, and the whole country being one huge natural fortress, a foreign enemy would experience enormous difficulty in gaining entrance. In Cettinje, even a constant traveller like myself meets with continual surprises. One day, while walking at the rear of the Bigliardo, or old palace-so called because when built the first billiard table was introduced-I heard the sound of clanking chains behind me. At first I took no notice, but as it continued with regular rhythm I glanced behind, when, to my amaze- ment, I saw a convict in leg-fetters with difficulty taking his afternoon stroll beneath the trees! There were several others on the grass plot before the prison, idling in the shadow or gossiping with their friends, who had come to keep them company!
Inquiriesshowed that most of these prisoners were murderers, not for robbery but for vendetta. In Montenegro the blood- feud is constant, and life is held very cheap. It invariably commences by jealousy, and is of everyday occurrence. Two lovers quarrel, and one is shot. Then the blood-feud commences, and unlike in Italy or other Southern countries, the vendetta is not only upon the murderer, but upon his next-of-kin. Therefore, if the assassin escapes into Servia, Bosnia, or Turkey, as he so often does, the brother of the dead man takes up the feud and kills the assassin's brother without parley when next he meets him. I myself saw a man shot dead one night in Ryeka, at the head of the Lake of Scutari, and the murderer walked coolly away undeterred. It was the blood-feud, and no one took much notice.
"S'bogom!" (God be with you!) It is the expression you hear on every hand in the Balkans. In the streets the peasants touch their round caps in salute and exclaim, "S'bogom!" When you leave for a journey and when you return, when you rise and when you go to rest; even if you go for a short walk-it is the same. Life is so uncertain in those wild regions that the protection of the Almighty is invoked upon you always, and your revolver is ever ready in your belt.
In Cettinje I had a faithful guide and servant, a black-eyed, somewhat sinister-looking Albanian, named Palok. He travelled with me through Montenegro and Albania, and was most faithful and devoted. Besides Albanian and Serb he spoke a little Italian, and possessed a keen sense of humour.
One day, while we were travelling through the wild, bare mountain, a perfect wilderness of huge boulders without a single tree or even blade of grass, we halted for our midday meal, and while eating he told me of a great friend of his who had recently been killed at Spuz for vendetta, and he added, fondling the butt of his revolver, "I too, gospodin, shall die before long."
I looked at him in surprise. His usually humorous face had changed. It was dark and thoughtful, and his black eyes were fixed upon me.
"Is there a blood-feud upon you, then?" I asked, in surprise.
"Yes," he replied briefly; and though I endeavoured to persuade him to tell the story, it was not until the following day that with some reluctance he explained.
"A year ago my brother Tef, away in Scutari, fell in love with a beautiful girl. He had a rival-a young Albanian, a coppersmith in the bazaar. They quarrelled, but the girl-ah! she was very beautiful-preferred Tef. Where- upon the rival one night took his rifle and laid in wait for my brother in the main street of Scutari. Early in the evening he left the house of the girl's father, and as he passed the fellow shot poor Tef dead."
And he paused as his brow knit deeply, and his teeth were set tightly.
"Well?" I asked.
"Well, gospodin. What would you have done had your own brother died a dog's death? I took a rifle, and within a week the murderer was in his grave. I shot him through the heart and then I left Scutari."
"And you are safe here, in Montenegro ?"
"Safe! Oh dear, no," he answered. "One day-it may be to-day-the fellow's brother will kill me. He must kill me. It is Fate-why worry about it? It does one no good."
And the marked man, the man doomed to die at a moment when he least expects it, rolled a cigarette and lit it with perfect resignment.
"And are you not afraid to go with me back to Scutari?" I asked, amazed at his fearlessness.
"Afraid, gospodin!" he exclaimed, looking at me in reproach as his hand instinctively wandered to his weapon. "Afraid! No Albanian is afraid of the blood-feud. I have killed the murderer, and his brother must kill me. It is our law." And the doomed man smiled gravely.
"And the girl?" I asked.
"Ah! They are all the same," he answered, with a quick shrug of the shoulders. "A month ago she married a tobacco- seller a man old enough to be her father. Poor Tef! If he could but know!"
"And the blood-feud still continues?"
"Of course-until I am dead."
Then Palok smoked on in silence, entirely resigned to the fate that awaits him. He knows that one day, as he walks along the road, the sharp crack of a hidden rifle will sound, and he will fall to earth, another victim of a woman's fickleness.
S'bogom! God be with you!
CHAPTER II
AN AUDIENCE OF PRINCE NICHOLAS
The Palace at Cettinje-A cigarette with the Prince-The policy of Monte- negro-A confidential chat-His Royal Highness's admiration for England-His views upon Macedonia-He urges me not to attempt to go to Albania, but I persuade him to help me-His Highness's kindness -Souvenirs.
HIS Royal Highness the Prince will be pleased to grant you private audience at four o'clock this after- noon, gospodin."
The tall, burly aide-de-camp in the little round cap, high boots, pale blue overcoat, and pistols in his belt, saluted, and we shook hands.
It was then three o'clock, and I was just about to go out to visit Madame Constantinovitch, the mother of Princess Mirko. So I had to return at once to my room and dress for the audience. The kings and princes of the Balkans have a habit of summoning one at a moment's notice, and paying visits at unearthly hours.
Here, in Cettinje, in the heart of these wild, desolate fast- nesses, one seems so far removed from European influence, yet how great a part has this rocky, impregnable country, with its fierce soldier-inhabitants, played in the politics of Eastern Europe, and how great a part it is still destined to play in the near future!
The fact that everybody is armed gives the stranger an uncanny feeling. The man who brings one's coffee wears a perfect arsenal of weapons in his sash, and one quickly acquires the habit of carrying a revolver one's self. Indeed, if you are wise, you will carry a good serviceable weapon from the moment you enter the Balkans to the moment you quit them. But if you approach the Albanian frontier, you will be at once warned not to fire without just cause. A few shots is sufficient to alarm the whole neighbourhood for many miles, and on hearing the alarm every man seizes his rifle and flies to the rendezvous, fully equipped and eager for the fight with those Albanian border tribes, of whom I afterwards had the good fortune to be the guest.
I had already had a long chat with Prince Danilo, the Crown Prince of Montenegro, whom I found a very smart and highly educated man, fully alive to the political difficulties of the neighbouring states and the necessity of Montenegro preserving her independence. He held very strong views upon the terrible state of affairs in Macedonia, and gave me many interesting details about his own country.
Having met him, and also his younger brother, Prince Mirko, I was particularly anxious to make the acquaintance of their father, Prince Nicholas, the ruler of the sturdy, warlike dwellers of the "Land of the Black Mountain "-the principal and most striking figure in this remarkable country, where peace and war walk ever hand-in-hand.
Since 1860, when his uncle, Prince Danilo, was assassinated, he has ruled justly, if somewhat sternly, and has succeeded in raising his nation from a state of semi-civilisation to the high place it now occupies in the Eastern world. In 1888 he gave the country a Civil and Criminal Code, and last year he granted a Constitution. Indeed, he has done all in his power to induce his warriors to follow the arts of peace without forgetting those of war.
At the hour appointed, the royal aide-de-camp called in a carriage and drove me to the Palace, a long, dark brown building of somewhat plain exterior, as befits the home of a fighting race, where I was received in the great hall by half a dozen bowing servants in scarlet and gold. Here I was met by the chamberlain, who conducted me up the grand staircase and into the great audience-chamber, with its many fine paintings and highly polished floor. Then, after a moment, the Prince-a brilliant figure-entered, shook me by the hand, and welcomed me to Montenegro.
These formalities ended, His Royal Highness said in Italian, "Come, let us go into yonder room. We shall be able to talk there more comfortably." And he led me into a smaller chamber, where he gave me a seat at the table where he sat.
The afternoon was gloomy, and dusk was creeping on, therefore upon the table a great antique silver candelabra had been set, and by its light I was enabled to obtain a good view of the ruler of Crnagora, the "Land of the Black Mountain."
Of magnificent physique, tall, muscular, with hair slightly grey, he bore his sixty-five years lightly. Attired in the splendid national costume of scarlet, blue, and gold, with high boots, he wore a single decoration at his throat, the Cross of Danilo, of which Order he is Master. Upon his hand- some, well-cut features the candles shed a soft light, causing the gold upon his dress to glitter, and I noticed, as I asked him questions, how his dark, keen eyes shot quick, inquiring glances of alertness.
After the first few minutes of regal formality His Highness's manner entirely changed. Putting ceremony aside, he pro- duced his cigarette case of crocodile skin, with the royal crown and cipher in gold in the corner-offered me a Montenegrin cigarette, took one himself, lit mine with his own hand, and then we fell to chatting.
In the delightful hour and a half we smoked together I asked the prince-poet many questions, and learnt many things. He explained several difficult points in Balkan politics, which to me, an Englishman, had always been puzzling. We spoke in Italian of Macedonia and of a certain well-known foreign diplomat in London who was our mutual friend, the Prince giving me a very kind message to deliver to him.
Presently I referred to the splendid result of his rule, and related to him a little incident which had occurred to me in Nyegush a few days before, as showing how deeply he was beloved by his nation. A smile crossed his fine open countenance as he replied simply, "I have done my best for my people-my very best; and I shall do so as long as God gives me life. I am happy to believe that my people appreciate my efforts."
"And now, Monseigneur," I asked, "will you tell me what is the present position of Montenegro?"
"The present position is peace," was his prompt answer. "I have granted a Constitution, and the first meeting of the new Skupshtina has been held successfully. Though the Albanian question is always with us, I am thankful to say we are on the most excellent terms with Turkey, while towards Russia we are pursuing our traditional policy. For the Emperor Francis Josef of Austria I have nothing but the most profound admiration, and I owe very much to him."
"And towards England, Monseigneur ?"
"England has been, as you know, Montenegro's very best friend," replied the Prince. "I, personally, have the greatest respect and admiration for your great country. We Montenegrins always remember that it was Mr. Gladstone who gave us the strip of seaboard on the Adriatic with Dulcigno. He was our greatest friend, and his memory is respected by admirer by every man in Montenegro. Of Tennyson, too, I am a great I am very fond of his poems."
"You are a poet yourself, Monseigneur," I remarked, remembering that more than one poetical drama from his pen had been successfully produced on the stage.
His Royal Highness smiled, and puffed slowly at his cigarette.
"I have written one or two little things, it is true; but nothing of late."
"I wonder if I dare ask your Royal Highness to write a few lines for me as a souvenir of my visit?" I asked, not without some trepidation.
"Ah!-well-I won't promise," he laughed. "All depends whether I'm in the mood for it."
"But you will try, won't you?
And the Prince nodded assent.
Then we spoke of Servia and of recent events there; but he was not inclined to discuss the question, and naturally so, when it is remembered that his daughter was the late wife of King Peter.
Returning to the burning question of Macedonia, I saw that he was well informed of all that was transpiring around lakes Presba and Ochrida and down in Serres.
"It is a monstrous state of affairs," he declared. "Something must be done at once, for as soon as spring comes again the massacres will increase."
"But there are outrages, tortures, and massacres every day," I remarked.
"Ah yes," he sighed, "I know. Most terrible details have reached me lately. But you are going to Macedonia yourself, and you will see with your own eyes."
"And what, in your opinion, would be the best settlement of the question?" I inquired.
"There is but one way, namely, for the Powers to call a conference and place Macedonia under a governor - general, who must be a European prince. The reforms would then be carried out, and the Greek bands expelled from the country. How long will Europe tolerate the present frightful state of affairs?"
"The fact is, Monseigneur, that we, in England, are very ignorant of the true state of things, or even of the facts of the Macedonian question," I said.
"Ah, there you are quite correct. If your English public knew what was really happening-how an innocent Christian population is being slaughtered and exterminated because of international rivalry-they would cry shame upon those responsible for this wholesale murder and outrage. But" -he smiled-" I almost forget myself. My position as a ruler forbids me to talk politics, you know!" And we laughed together.
"So you are going to Servia, Bulgaria, Roumania, and to Constantinople-eh?" he remarked a little later, when we had lit fresh cigarettes. "In Bulgaria, and also in Roumania, you will see many things that will interest you. The Bul- garians are very strongly armed, and so are the Roumanians."
"Her Majesty the Queen of Roumania has also promised me audience," I said.
"When you see her, will you please present to Her Majesty my most cordial respects. She is so very charming."
"I want, Monseigneur, to visit Northern Albania, leaving Montenegro by Ryeka and Scutari. Would that be the best route, do you think?"
"What!" he exclaimed, in surprise. "Do you actually contemplate visiting the tribes up in the Accursed Mountains?"
"Certainly. Why not?"
"Well, my advice is, don't think of going there. If you do, you will never return. You'll be shot at sight, like a dog. You have no idea what those uncivilised tribes are like. The whole country is utterly lawless."
"So I understand. But I've also heard that the Albanian possesses a deep sense of honour. And I thought that I might possibly obtain permission from one or other of the chiefs."
The Prince was silent for a moment. Then, looking at me across the table, said-
"Do not go. It is far too great a risk."
His advice was the same that my, friends in London had given me; the same that I had received there, in the market-place of Cettinje.
But I was determined, and pressed His Royal Highness to assist me, at last receiving his promise of help. By his kind permission, the Albanian named Palok acted as my guide, and what eventually happened to me in that wild region will be seen in the following pages.
"Well," exclaimed the Prince at last, "if you go up there, it must be at your own risk. I've warned you of the danger. No one has been up there for many years. It has been at- tempted, of course, but travellers have either been held to ransom, and the Turks have been compelled to pay for their release, or else they have simply been shot by the first Albanian meeting them. The country beyond Scutari is the most unsafe in the whole Balkan Peninsula."
I replied that I intended to make the attempt.
"Well, then, I wish you buon viaggio," he laughed. "May every good luck attend you, and as we say in Montenegro - S'bogom! (God be with you!) When you return for I suppose you will pass this way down to the sea-come and see me, and tell me all about the Skreli and Kastrati country -for of course I am highly interested. They are always at war with our people on the frontier."
"I will let your Royal Highness know the moment I am back in Cettinje," I promised.
Then rising, he gripped my hand warmly, saying-
"Then I will help you if I can. Be careful of yourself, for I shall be anxious about you. Again, S'bogom!"
And the Prince accompanied me to the head of the grand staircase, where I made my obeisance, turned and descended through the rows of armed and bowing servants ranged in the hall, charmed by His Royal Highness's graciousness towards me and by the pleasant chat I had enjoyed.
When, after my journey through Northern Albania, I one afternoon re-entered that audience-chamber, and he came forward with outstretched hand to greet me, he exclaimed-
"Well, well! I am so glad to see you back safe and sound. You look a little thinner in the face a little travel-worn- eh? Life in the Albanian mountains is not like your life in London or Paris, is it? But never mind as long as you are safe," he laughed, placing his hand kindly upon my shoulder.
"Come along to this room. It is more cosy," and he led me to the smaller apartment, his own private cabinet.
For nearly two hours I sat relating to him what occurred on my journey, and describing the wild country which had, until then, been practically a sealed book. Even though Cettinje is so near, hardly anything was known of the Skreli, the Hoti, the Klementi, or the Kastrati tribes, save that they were brigandish bands who constantly raided the Montenegrin frontier.
The Prince listened to me with great attention, and put many questions to me as we smoked together.
Then rising, he took from a drawer in his great writing- table a small scarlet box, and as he opened it he bestowed upon me a compliment undeserved, for he said -
"There are few men who would have risked what you have done. Therefore I wish to invest you with our Order of Danilo, as a mark of my appreciation and esteem."
And he displayed to me the beautiful dark blue and white enamelled cross of the Order, the same that he was wearing at his throat, surmounted by the royal crown and suspended upon the white ribbon edged with cerise.
After he had invested me with the Order, saying many kind things to me, which I really don't think I deserved, he added-
"The chef du chancellerie will send you the diploma in due course, and I trust, when you petition your own gracious Sovereign King Edward, that His Majesty will allow you to wear this insignia."
I thanked His Royal Highness, gripped his hand, and a few minutes later passed through the line of bowing servants out of the Palace.
And that same evening I received from His Royal Highness the signed photograph which appears in these pages.
Before I left Cettinje I received the following expressive lines, written especially for me by a Montenegrin poet who is a great personage, but whose name he would not permit me to give. They are in Servian as follows, and I have placed their English translation below :-
S' veledušnog Albiona
Pružiše se dvije ruke
Crnoj Gori da pomogu
U junačke njene muke
S' vrućom rječu na ustima
Gladston diže Crnogorce
A Tenison za najprve
U svijet ih broi borce
Na glas svoih Velikana
Britanski se narod trže
Da pomože da zaštiti
Crnu Goru iz najbrže
Posla svoje bojne ladje
Sto na tečnost gospostvuju
Veledušno da zaštite
Domovinu milu Moju
O fala ti po sto puta
Blagorodni lyudi Soju
Dok je svjeta dok je greda
Nad Ulcinjem koje stoju
Hraniće ti blagodarnost
Ova šaka sokolova
Koima si u pomoci
Stiga putem od valova.
The literal translation in English is as follows:-
From the great-souled Albion,
Two arms were stretched
To help Montenegro
In her heroic sufferings.
With fiery word on his lips
Gladstone lifts up Montenegrins,
Whilst Tennyson declared them
The very first fighters in the world.
On the call of their great men,
British people rose up
In quickest manner, to help
And to protect Montenegro.
They despatched their war-ships,
Which rule over the seas,
Generously to protect
My Fatherland so dear to me.
Oh! thanks to thee, hundredfold thanks,
Noble race of men.
As long as the world lasts,
As long as the mountains above Dulcigno stand,
Will remain grateful to thee,
This handful of falcons,
To whose help thou didst come
By the road of the waves.
- An Observer in the Near East - William Le Queux. Publisher, E. Nash, 1907.
\**
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submitted by Vukobasa to Crnogorstvo [link] [comments]


2024.05.10 01:29 LittleDhole Has anyone attempted to compose a running text using only the words in the Swadesh/Leipzig-Jakarta list?

I thought of this as I was thinking about the sample texts often used to compare languages - the Lord's Prayer, Article I of the UDHR, the Babel story, the North Wind and the Sun, and The Sheep and the Horses (that last one's only for Indo-European languages). There's also "The Wren" which is used by ILoveLanguages! (It doesn't appear to be his own composition, BTW)
The main criticism of these texts is that they are often not reflective of how the language is used, being in high-register language (the first three), and in the case of the Biblical texts, using them for languages spoken by non-Christian populations could seem a bit strange. (Recently, ILoveLanguages! made a video comparing Middle Egyptian and Coptic, and another comparing Middle Egyptian with Egyptian Arabic. Both videos used a translation of the Lord's Prayer into Middle Egyptian - I'm not sure if Andy translated it himself. Very strange, considering Middle Egyptian stopped being spoken more than a millennium before Christianity.)
"The North Wind and the Sun" thus seems like the best text of the ones that are often used.
However, I think a better running text would be one where the only nouns, adjectives and verbs used are ones in the Swadesh/Leipzig-Jakarta list, and all of them would be used. (Pronouns besides the ones on the list could be used to pad things out, plus some adverbs and prepositions perhaps. Maybe one or two more verbs to pad things out.) I've even thought of a poem, but abruptly stopped as I realised I am not very good at poems.
submitted by LittleDhole to linguisticshumor [link] [comments]


2024.05.09 08:33 Medium_Leg_1042 Can someone check out my written responses for AP Euro? Just curious to see how well I did

For what it's worth I got 44/55 on the MCQ on the same practice test, or 80% Original is here https://secure-media.collegeboard.org/digitalServices/pdf/ap/ap-european-history-ced-practice-exam.pdf
You can also just do some or skim them if you don't have the time, which is understandable, 100% fine by me. Just be honest, that's all
FIRST SAQ
a. Napoleon's imposition of republican systems on various puppet states. During his wars of conquest, Napoleon would occupy various territories, and set up republics in them, for instance, the Batavian Republic. These were nepotistic in many ways, yet even so, they still partially preserved many of the ideals held by the Jacobins and other related parties. This ultimately shows a specific conflict: that of contemporary republicanism vs. traditional monarchism, which would go on to be a defining ideological issue later on in the century.
b. Napoleon's authoritarian policies. Consolidating his territories, he would institute various laws, such as the Napoleonic Code, building an efficient bureaucracy to maintain them. However, these laws not only reflected traditional treatment of groups such as women, but also were backed up by actions such as the repression of the press, and Napoleon's later coronation as emperor. These actions reeked of tradition, calling back to the older monarchies of Europe, rather than the modern parliamentary states.
c. The Nazi occupation of large portions of Europe. In 1939, having previously annexed Czechoslovakia and Austria, Germany would declare war on Poland, thus setting World War II into motion. They occupied large swathes of territory, and would force their own ideological ideals of national and racial superiority onto others. They attempted to create a new Europe, essentially, dominated by "superior" peoples, but they found great resistance from the masses, who resented these policies, wanting to maintain their old conceptions of nationality. This shows how the struggle between the Nazis and other groups was focused on imposing something new on others who had preferred traditional methods, similar to how Napoleon's newer ideas were not well received by some of the territories he conquered, who preferred older ways.
SECOND SAQ
a. The increase in population brought about by the Industrial Revolution. The discovery of new technology such as the steam engine and of agricultural implements such as the seed drill (from the Agricultural Revolution, closely linked to the Industrial Revolution) allowed for more food, which naturally meant more people could fed, which led to a higher populaton. Cities like Vienna would want to accomodate the growing masses of people who were to live in their realms, and would act accordingly, embarking on infrastructural projects such as the one shown in the map to do so.
b. An attempt to encourage centralization. Austria at this time was composed of many different ethnic groups, including but not limited to Germans, Czechs, Slovaks, Hungarians, Ukrainians, Croats, and others. They had little in common, and this caused issues, especially in Bohemia and Hungary. To help combat this, Austria may have wanted to make their capital seem grander and more luxurious in a way, which would encourage nationalism (a rising trend around this time) and to hopefully keep the country together. This shows a trend in which countries would increasingly focus on centralization, as seen even in areas such as Germany, which would later unite in 1871.
c. The de-emphasis of luxury in narrow areas, as opposed to "specialized" areas instead. Vienna, like many other cities in Europe is very old, and most of the streets are narrow and organically made. People seemed to have been comfortable with this previously, yet as the 19th century developed, new ideas on architecture began to grow in popularity, as people advocated for the creation of areas specifically designed for leisure and similar purposes. This is indicative of the fact that people saw cities less as natural phenomenons, but more like artificial constructs which could be efficiently managed and built, similar to, say, Hausmann's architectural rennovations in Paris.
THIRD SAQ
a. Parliament went from supporting intersections between church and state to outright despising it. Around 1517, when Martin Lutther released his Ninety-Five Theses, England was still Catholic, and Henry VIII even published a pamphlet defending the Catholic faith. However, around 1533, when the Church refused to annull his marriage, he established the Anglican Church, becoming Protestant and breaking from Catholicism. However, the English government still had a close relationship with the church. This would change with the rise of movements such as Puritanism, a vaguely Calvinist movement. The Puritans believed the Anglican Church was corrupt in many ways, and some, namely the Pilgrims, even advocated total separation. Puritans were well represented in Parliament, which allowed them to attack the church from the state, which ultimately culminated in the English Civil War, and the beheading of Charles I. This demonstrates that overtime, Parliament (the state) turned against Anglicanism (the church), showing a marked separation of church and state.
b. The English Civil War did not really end religious laws in the country. As was typical of every country at the time, 16th century England possessed numerous religious laws, including some based around heresy. This did not change with the rise of the Puritans, who established strict religious laws of their own, for example, restricting the rights of Roman Catholics. The continuity here is that religious ideas still held massive sway when it came to English law.
c. A disillusionment with religious rule. Both the Reformation and the English Civil War had religious undercurrents, with the Reformation promising a return to a purer form of Christianity, and the English Civil War partially centered around the idea that the king was leading a "popish" (pro-Catholic) plot to restore the religion in the country. Later philosophers including Thomas Hobbes and John Locke would have seen these conflicts, with the hindsight to judge them, and would begin proposing newer ideas of governing which were not based on religion. This shows that the damage caused by tension between these two groups came to such a severe extent that some began seeing secularism as a possible solution, which would be adopted later on in England.
DBQ
Even though old attitudes towards women continued to persist, overall, World War I greatly changed the lives of European women, as shown by the increased involvement of women in manufacturing, and their heightened participation in conflict.
Traditionally, women in Europe had restricted rights. They could neither properly represent themselves legally, nor vote. Wives were thought to be subservient to their husbands, and only suitable for domestic duties. The Victorian ideal of a perfect wife was one who would constantly occupy herself with housework and maintaining order in the family. Women who tried other roles were considered rough, tomboyish, or rustic, which were all seen as negative qualities. In a nutshell, they were second class citizens. Some, especially wealthier women, would gain respect as cultured authors, examples include Jane Austen and George Sand (who had to use a male pseudonym). However, overall, women were simply seen as inferior to men, who controlled the bureaucratic structures of Europe. Yet, less than a decade after WWI, many European countries granted women the right to vote.
The magazine Votes for Women published an article on November 26, 1915, which shows a woman personifying the concept of chivalry presenting the idea of women's equality to a man, who is advocating for more political representation for soldiers (Document 1). Now this is a political cartoon in a newspaper, and so it was meant to reach a broader audience of politically informed citizens. It is worth pointing out that this was published shortly after the sinking of the Anglia, in which female nurses died prioritizing wounded servicemen. The idea was that women were simply dignified enough to obtain legal equality, and that changes in legislation were overdue because of this, an idea the newspaper would've been effective enough at promoting. In addition, a memoir written by Maria Botchkareva in 1919 explains her life as a peasant and an officer (Document 6). This is as close to a direct perspective as you can get, it quite literally comes from a woman who experienced the war first-hand. Botchkareva explains that although man of the men in her unit were hesitant to advance, the women were brave enough to do so, showing that women were just as capable in military matters as men were, thus providing a justification for women to vote. Seeing as all the men had left for war, women had taken up manufacturing roles, being 40.4% of the industrial workforce in France in 1917 (Document 7). This reflects the increased involvement of women in manufacturing jobs. Countess de Courson's book The French Woman during the War, published in 1916, shows how difficult maintaining the war effort was for many peasant women, and their resolve to continue to do so anyways (Document 3). Again, this is evidence of the fact that women were seen as capable contributors to their homelands, another justification for giving them the right to vote. Madeline Ida Bedford wrote a poem in 1917 showing the upwards economic mobility of women during the war (Document 4). This helps support the idea that women had a greater and more significant role in economic affairs, related to manufacturing. Finally, it is worth pointing out that the war left many wives alone from their husbands. This undoubtedly gave them a large amount of time to reflect over societal conditions, and aided the rise of the suffragette movement as they had more time to think independently.
The counter-argument to be held, supported by two pieces of evidence, argues that the war was ultimately insignificant in transforming the role of women. The first comes from Paul von Hindenburg's letter to German Chancellor Bethmann Hollweg in 1916, arguing that women shouldn't be encouraged to pursue various occupations, and that they were only really suited for specific ones (Document 2). However, Hindenburg, though an important general, was extremely conservative (and old). Therefore, his views are not sufficiently representative of contemporary European trends. As a matter of fact, by arguing against the trend of women's involvement in manufacturing and war, he implicitly confirms his existence, only further advancing the pro-change argument. There is also a letter from G. F. Wilby to his fiancée Ethel Baxter in 1918, arguing that she should continue with her feminine occupations, and not meddle in what he considered masculine affairs (Document 5). Wilby, however, was just a private, and although any source of historical information can be valuable, again, one private is not totally representative of the ideas of the general population. Even then, in the same manner as Hindenburg, Wilby supports the idea that the condition of women changed significantly during the war, as by arguing against it, again, he implicitly supports it.
LEQ
The Italian Renaissance focused on human beings as ends to themselves, whereas the Northern Renaissance focused more on people's connection to God and religion, as seen by the advocacy of thinkers such as Petrarch of a better understanding of the human condition, and the advocacy of thinkers like Erasmus of "purification" and a closer connection to God.
Italy before the Renaissance was dominated by city states which had grown into greater powers. Examples include Florence, Venice, Genoa, Milan, Bologna, and others. These states were representative republics (although sometimes despotates) in theory, but oligarchies in practice. Furthermore, even if it hadn't existed in almost a millennium, the shadow of the Roman Empire lurked on the states and their culture. This emphasized both indivdualism and an obsession with classical Rome/Greece. Meanwhile, northern Europe was largely composed of monarchies with close ties to the Catholic Church. Controversies over issues such as indulgences and tithes may well have resulted in increased religious dialogue, various criticisms, and the exploration of newer paths in regards to Christianity.
When Petrarch discovered Cicero's letters to Athens, it helped spark a revolution in Italian thought. People began to abandon the old scholastic trifecta of law, medicine, and theology, for example, but instead adopted the study logic, rhetoric, and grammar. This, combined with the neo-Platonist idea that various concepts such as beauty transcended life, and that humans could understand these concepts, gave birth to humanism, which in turn sparked the Italian Renaissance. This put special emphasis on human beings, who were now seen as special and worthy of study. This is in contrast to the Northern Renaissance. As the power of the Italian city states began to decline in the late 15th century, many of the ideas spread beyond the Alps to areas such as the Holy Roman Empire, which helped create the Northern Renaissance. However, unlike the Italian Renaissance, the Northern Renaissance focused more on religious subjects. Erasmus, a Catholic nonetheless, frequently criticized the actions of the pope, and wrote In Praise of Folly as a criticism of Christianity in his era.
Now although religion was an element of the Italian Renaissance, as the peninsula remained devoutly Catholic and ancient works were even interpreted under religious lenses, it was in a humanistic framework. The fact that people were so willing to emulate pagans shows that religious scruples were not really that significant, and the main focus of humanism, and by extension the Italian Renaissance, was still, by the end of the day, the human being. This is also seen in Italian depictions of God, which portrayed him in a similar manner to Zeus, with a prominent white beard. The thinkers of the Northern Renaissance were also not entirely opposed to humanism, however, they did not view the human as important of an end goal as God and the Christian faith.
submitted by Medium_Leg_1042 to APStudents [link] [comments]


2024.05.09 00:21 Goldstein_Goldberg Manor Lords music led me into a rabbit hole of medieval music. Meet Oswald von Wolkenstein, composer of the in-game song "Vil Lieber Grüsse Süsse"

I was playing Manor Lords and I was struck by an instrumental tune "Vil Lieber Grüsse Süsse". It was also used in the launch trailer.
Here's the in-game version: https://youtu.be/M31x6tWGNxI And here's the version with lyrics: Ensemble für frühe Musik Augsburg - Vil lieber grüsse süsse (youtube.com)
Turns out it's the instrumental version of a real medieval song written and composed by Oswald von Wolkenstein. His life is well-recorded and interesting. He becomes a squire to a knight at age 10, breaks a lot of oaths, becomes a knight himself, participates in politics with kings, emperor's and the clergy. All while composing songs about travel, God and sex that survived to this day. I highly recommend a dive into his Wikipedia page: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oswald_von_Wolkenstein
And that got me to the song he wrote looking back at his life: "Es Fügt Sich", or "It Falls Into Place".
It's lovely. Have a listen: https://youtu.be/_o0AUCwHzt8?list=RD_o0AUCwHzt8
And here's a translation of the full poem in the song:
"It occurred to me, when I was ten years of age, that I wanted to see what the world was like. [Since then] I have dwelled in so many a hot and cold corner, in misery and poverty, with Christians, Greek-Orthodox, and heathens. I had taken three pennies in my bag and one piece of bread from home to keep me alive, when I ran away into hardship. Because of strange “friends” I have ever since lost so many drops of blood, that I thought that I would die. Suffering from heavy penance I walked on foot until the day when my father died. I was fourteen then and yet still did not own a horse, except for one that I had stolen, and one that I also had stolen, a mule, light in color, but unfortunately I lost both in the same way. You know, I was messenger boy, cook, and horse groom; I even pulled an oar—that was hard— near Candia [Crete] and elsewhere, and later back again. All kinds of coats were my best clothing. II. To Prussia, Lithuania, Tartary, Turkey, and to the other side of the sea, to France, Italy, Léon-Galicia love drove me, and I had to pay for it myself, marching with the armies of two kings: Ruprecht and Sigmund, both under the sign of the eagle. French, Arabic, Catalan, Castilian, German, Latin, Slovenian, Italian, Russian, and Greek: these ten languages I used whenever necessary. Moreover I knew how to play the fiddle, the trumpet, drums, and the flute.
I sailed around islands and peninsulas, and many other countries on large ships, which saved me from the dangers of storms. I busily traversed the northern and the southern part of the sea. The Black Sea made me hug a barrel, when, in my misfortune, my brigantine crashed. I was a merchant then, but I survived well and could rescue myself, I and a Russian. In the wild sea my capital and profit sank away down to the depths, whereas I swam to the shore.
Before the queen of Aragon—what a beautiful woman!— I knelt down, gladly I pointed my beard toward her, and with white hands she attached a precious ring to the beard. She was very kind and said: “Never remove it again!” With her hand she cut a hole into my earlobe with a little needle made out of brass. According to their customs she attached two rings to them, which I wore for a long time. They are called raicades. Then immediately afterward I went up to King Sigismund. He stared at me with gaping open mouth, crossed himself when he recognized me. He immediately cried out loudly to me: “You wear such trashy stuff!” Then he asked me in a friendly way: “Do the rings not hurt you?” The women and also the men looked at me, laughing altogether, among them nine people of royal descent who happened to be in Perpignan, among them their pope of Luna, called Peter, and also, as the tenth of them, the Roman [German] king and the lady of Prades.
I wanted to reform my vain life, believe me that, and I turned into a migrant monk 26 for well over two whole years. At the beginning I was certainly inspired by devotion, but then love spoiled the end entirely. Irrespective of how long I traveled around on horseback, looking for knightly sport, and served a lady, what I will pass over in silence, she never wanted to grant me her grace, not one iota, until a monk’s garb made me into a fool. Many things then worked out easily for me, when the cowl with the hood clothed me. Truly, never before or after did a girl prove to be so friendly, who had gracefully listened to my words. Straightaway my devotion flew away through the chimney when I shook the cowl off amid the smoke. Since then I have experienced many struggles in matters of love, and my joy has been bitten by frost quite badly. It would take too long to relate all my suffering, but I am tortured above all by wonderfully beautiful lips, whch have wounded my heart until the day of bitter death.
In her presence I often broke out in cold sweat, the color of my face often changed from red to pale when I encountered the pretty girl. Because of much trembling and sighing I often no longer felt my body, as if I had been burnt. Suddenly frightened even when two hundred miles away from her, I feel roasted and as yet without comfort. Cod, rain, and snow, along with torturing frost can never bother me so much that I would not have burnt when the beloved sun [his mistress] heated me up. When I am with her, then the center and limits of my life are no longer free. Because of a lady I am forced to take foreign, bad roads leading me into the unknown, until hatred disappears thanks to her gracefulness. If she were willing to help, my sadness would turn into blissfulness.
Four hundred women or more, but not one man, did I find on the island of Ios [Nios]; they lived there on this small spot of earth. No one has ever seen a more beautiful image in one hall. Nevertheless, none of those ladies could outshine the one for whom I carry a heavy load on my back. Oh God, if she only knew half of my painful burden, then everything would be much easier, whatever suffering I would experience, and I would have hopes that she might grant me her pity. When I am wringing my hands many times while in foreign lands, then I am painfully feeling the lack of her greeting, and I do not sleep well in sweet peacefulness neither late at night nor early in the morning. The reasons for this are her tender, white arms. Young men and women, you who are in love, keep this kind of suffering in mind. How happy I felt when the beloved granted me her blessing. Truly, on my honor, if I had to realize that I would no longer see her, then my eyes would have to pay for it with many tears.
I spent forty years minus two so far [in my life] with exuberance, wild behavior, creating poetry, and singing all kinds of songs. Now the time would be ripe to listen as a married man to the screaming of my own children in the crib. But I will never be able to forget the one [woman] who instilled happiness in me here on earth. Nowhere in the entire world would I be able to find anyone like her. However, I am very afraid of the nagging scolding [barking] of the wife.
Many a wise man has so far appreciated my judgment and advice, and they also enjoyed my happy songs. I, Wolkenstein, certainly live unreasonably by having been so committed to this world. Also, I admit, I do not know when I will die, whereupon nothing more significant will follow than the results of my deeds. If then I would have served God properly according to His will, then I would not be afraid of the hot blazing fames [in Hell]."
submitted by Goldstein_Goldberg to ManorLords [link] [comments]


2024.05.09 00:16 Goldstein_Goldberg Discovered some cool medieval music, composed around 1350 with an interesting backstory.

Like many of you I was checking out the new Manor Lords game and I was struck by an instrumental tune from that game. Sadly I am not allowed to link to YouTube look it up "Vil Lieber Grüsse Süsse".
Turns out it's the instrumental version of a real medieval song written and composed by Oswald von Wolkenstein. His life is well-recorded and interesting. He becomes a squire to a knight at age 10, breaks a lot of oaths, becomes a knight himself, participates in politics with kings, emperor's and the clergy. All while composing songs about travel, God and sex that survived to this day. I highly recommend a dive into his Wikipedia page: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oswald_von_Wolkenstein
And that got me to the song he wrote looking back at his life: "Es Fügt Sich", or "It Falls Into Place".
It's lovely. Have a listen. I can't link YouTube due to overly stringent subreddit rules, but look up "Es Fügt Sich".
And here's a translation of the full poem in the song:
"It occurred to me, when I was ten years of age, that I wanted to see what the world was like. [Since then] I have dwelled in so many a hot and cold corner, in misery and poverty, with Christians, Greek-Orthodox, and heathens. I had taken three pennies in my bag and one piece of bread from home to keep me alive, when I ran away into hardship. Because of strange “friends” I have ever since lost so many drops of blood, that I thought that I would die. Suffering from heavy penance I walked on foot until the day when my father died. I was fourteen then and yet still did not own a horse, except for one that I had stolen, and one that I also had stolen, a mule, light in color, but unfortunately I lost both in the same way. You know, I was messenger boy, cook, and horse groom; I even pulled an oar—that was hard— near Candia [Crete] and elsewhere, and later back again. All kinds of coats were my best clothing. II. To Prussia, Lithuania, Tartary, Turkey, and to the other side of the sea, to France, Italy, Léon-Galicia love drove me, and I had to pay for it myself, marching with the armies of two kings: Ruprecht and Sigmund, both under the sign of the eagle. French, Arabic, Catalan, Castilian, German, Latin, Slovenian, Italian, Russian, and Greek: these ten languages I used whenever necessary. Moreover I knew how to play the fiddle, the trumpet, drums, and the flute.
I sailed around islands and peninsulas, and many other countries on large ships, which saved me from the dangers of storms. I busily traversed the northern and the southern part of the sea. The Black Sea made me hug a barrel, when, in my misfortune, my brigantine crashed. I was a merchant then, but I survived well and could rescue myself, I and a Russian. In the wild sea my capital and profit sank away down to the depths, whereas I swam to the shore.
Before the queen of Aragon—what a beautiful woman!— I knelt down, gladly I pointed my beard toward her, and with white hands she attached a precious ring to the beard. She was very kind and said: “Never remove it again!” With her hand she cut a hole into my earlobe with a little needle made out of brass. According to their customs she attached two rings to them, which I wore for a long time. They are called raicades. Then immediately afterward I went up to King Sigismund. He stared at me with gaping open mouth, crossed himself when he recognized me. He immediately cried out loudly to me: “You wear such trashy stuff!” Then he asked me in a friendly way: “Do the rings not hurt you?” The women and also the men looked at me, laughing altogether, among them nine people of royal descent who happened to be in Perpignan, among them their pope of Luna, called Peter, and also, as the tenth of them, the Roman [German] king and the lady of Prades.
I wanted to reform my vain life, believe me that, and I turned into a migrant monk 26 for well over two whole years. At the beginning I was certainly inspired by devotion, but then love spoiled the end entirely. Irrespective of how long I traveled around on horseback, looking for knightly sport, and served a lady, what I will pass over in silence, she never wanted to grant me her grace, not one iota, until a monk’s garb made me into a fool. Many things then worked out easily for me, when the cowl with the hood clothed me. Truly, never before or after did a girl prove to be so friendly, who had gracefully listened to my words. Straightaway my devotion flew away through the chimney when I shook the cowl off amid the smoke. Since then I have experienced many struggles in matters of love, and my joy has been bitten by frost quite badly. It would take too long to relate all my suffering, but I am tortured above all by wonderfully beautiful lips, whch have wounded my heart until the day of bitter death.
In her presence I often broke out in cold sweat, the color of my face often changed from red to pale when I encountered the pretty girl. Because of much trembling and sighing I often no longer felt my body, as if I had been burnt. Suddenly frightened even when two hundred miles away from her, I feel roasted and as yet without comfort. Cod, rain, and snow, along with torturing frost can never bother me so much that I would not have burnt when the beloved sun [his mistress] heated me up. When I am with her, then the center and limits of my life are no longer free. Because of a lady I am forced to take foreign, bad roads leading me into the unknown, until hatred disappears thanks to her gracefulness. If she were willing to help, my sadness would turn into blissfulness.
Four hundred women or more, but not one man, did I find on the island of Ios [Nios]; they lived there on this small spot of earth. No one has ever seen a more beautiful image in one hall. Nevertheless, none of those ladies could outshine the one for whom I carry a heavy load on my back. Oh God, if she only knew half of my painful burden, then everything would be much easier, whatever suffering I would experience, and I would have hopes that she might grant me her pity. When I am wringing my hands many times while in foreign lands, then I am painfully feeling the lack of her greeting, and I do not sleep well in sweet peacefulness neither late at night nor early in the morning. The reasons for this are her tender, white arms. Young men and women, you who are in love, keep this kind of suffering in mind. How happy I felt when the beloved granted me her blessing. Truly, on my honor, if I had to realize that I would no longer see her, then my eyes would have to pay for it with many tears.
I spent forty years minus two so far [in my life] with exuberance, wild behavior, creating poetry, and singing all kinds of songs. Now the time would be ripe to listen as a married man to the screaming of my own children in the crib. But I will never be able to forget the one [woman] who instilled happiness in me here on earth. Nowhere in the entire world would I be able to find anyone like her. However, I am very afraid of the nagging scolding [barking] of the wife.
Many a wise man has so far appreciated my judgment and advice, and they also enjoyed my happy songs. I, Wolkenstein, certainly live unreasonably by having been so committed to this world. Also, I admit, I do not know when I will die, whereupon nothing more significant will follow than the results of my deeds. If then I would have served God properly according to His will, then I would not be afraid of the hot blazing fames [in Hell]."
submitted by Goldstein_Goldberg to medieval [link] [comments]


2024.05.08 08:07 epistemic_amoeboid Reconsidering Our Old Ethics

For those of you that are not only questioning LLDM's but also questioning Christianity's ethics as a whole, I recommend Simon Blackburn's book Ethics: A Very Short Introduction.
Here's a short excerpt from Chapter 1: Seven Threats to Thinking about Ethics.
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1. The threat of the death of God
For many people, ethics is not only tied up with religion, but is completely settled by it. Such people do not need to think too much about ethics, because there is an authoritative code of instructions, a handbook of how to live. It is the word of Heaven, or the will of a Being greater than ourselves. The standards of living become known to us by revelation of this Being. Either we take ourselves to perceive the fountainhead directly, or more often we have the benefit of an intermediary - a priest, or a prophet, a text, or a tradition sufficiently in touch with the divine that will be able to communicate it to us. Then we know what to do. Obedience to the divine will is meritorious, and brings reward; disobedience is lethally punished. In the Christian version, obedience brings triumph over death, or everlasting life. Disobedience means eternal Hell.
In the 19th century, in the West, when traditional religious belief began to lose its grip, many thinkers felt that ethics went with it. Our question is the implication for our standards of behavior. Is it true that, as Dostoevsky said, 'If God is dead, everything is permitted? It might seem to be true: without a lawgiver, how can there be a law?
Before thinking about this more directly, we might take a diversion through some of the shortcomings in traditional religious instruction. Anyone reading the Bible might be troubled by some of its precepts. The Old Testament God is partial to some people above others, and above all jealous of his own preeminence, a strange moral obsession. He seems to have no problem with a slave-owning society (Exodus 21: 7 explains how slavery of daughters should be conducted); He believes that birth control is a capital crime (Genesis 38: 9-10); He is keen on child abuse (Proverbs 22: 15, 23: 13, 23: 14, 26: 3), and for good measure, He approves of fool abuse (Prov. 29: 15).
Things are usually supposed to get better in the New Testament, with its admirable emphasis on love, forgiveness, and meekness. Yet the overall story of 'atonement' and 'redemption' is morally dubious, suggesting as it does that justice can be satisfied by the sacrifice of an innocent for the sins of the guilty - the doctrine of the scapegoat.
Then the persona of Jesus in the Gospels has his fair share of moral quirks. He can be sectarian: 'Go not into the way of the gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not. But go rather to the lost sheep of the House of Israel' (Matthew 10: 5-6). In a similar vein, he dismisses the non-Jewish woman from Canaan who had asked for help with the chilling racist remark: 'It is not meet to take the children's bread and cast it to dogs' (Matt. 15: 26). He wants us to be gentle, meek, and mild, but he himself is far from it: 'Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of Hell?' (Matt. 23: 33). The episode of the Gadarene swine shows him to share the then - popular belief that mental illness is caused by possession by devils. It also shows that animal lives - also anybody else's property rights in pigs - have no value (Matt. 17: 15-21, Luke 8: 28-33). The events of the fig tree in Bethany (Mark 11:12-21) would make any environmentalist's hair stand on end.
...
The Euthyphro Dilemma:
The classic challenge to the idea that ethics either needs or can be given a religious foundation [or a foundation in God] is provided in Plato, in the dialogue known as The Euthyphro. In this dialogue, Socrates, who is on the point of being tried for impiety, encounters one Euthyphro, who sets himself up as knowing exactly what piety or justice is. Indeed. he is so sure of this that he is on the point of prosecuting his own father for causing a death. Socrates challenges him by asking: "The point which I should first wish to understand is whether the pious or holy is beloved by the gods because it is holy, or holy because it is beloved of the gods. Once he has posed this question, Socrates has no trouble coming down on one side of it:
I mean to say that the holy has been acknowledged by us to be loved of God because it is holy, not to be holy because it is loved by God.
The point is that God, or the gods, are not to be thought of as arbitrary. They have to be regarded as selecting the right things to allow and to forbid. They have to latch on to what is holy or just, exactly as we do. It is not given that they do this simply because they are powerful, or created everything, or have horrendous punishments and delicious rewards in their gifts. That doesn't make them good. Furthermore, to obey their commandments just because of their power would be servile and self - interested. Suppose, for instance, I am minded to do something bad, such as to betray someone's trust. It isn't good enough if I think, 'Well, let me see, the gains are such-and-such, but now I have to factor in the chance of God hitting me hard if I do it.
...
Could Morality be grounded in a better version of God?
The question then becomes, what other kind is there? A more adequate conception of God should certainly stop him from being a vindictive old man in the sky. Something more abstract, perhaps? But in that mystical direction lies a god who stands a long way away from human beings, and also from human good or bad. As the Greek Epicurus (341-271 вс) put it:
The blessed and immortal nature knows no trouble itself nor causes trouble to any other, so that it is never constrained by anger or favour. For all such things exist only in the weak.
A really blessed and immortal nature is simply too grand to be bothered by the doings of tiny human beings. It would be unfitting for it to be worked up over whether human beings eat shellfish, or have sex one way or another.
The Role of Myth in Morality:
The alternative suggested by Plato's dialogue is that religion gives mythical clothing and mythical authority to a morality that is just there to begin with. Myth, in this sense, is not to be despised. It gives us symbolism and examples that engage our imaginations.
[Myth] is the depository for humanity's endless attempts to struggle with death, desire, happiness, and good and evil. When an exile reminisces, she will remember the songs and poems and folktales of the homeland rather than its laws or its constitution. If the songs no longer speak to her, she is on the way to forgetting. Similarly, we may fear that when religion no longer speaks to us, we may be on our way to forgetting some important part of history and human experience. This may be a moral change, for better or worse. In this analysis, religion is not the foundation of ethics, but its showcase or its symbolic expression. It provides the music and the poetry with which ethics is displayed.
...
The 'Death of God' is no threat:
If all this is right, then the death of God is far from being a threat to ethics. It is a necessary clearing of the ground, on the way to revealing ethics for what it really is. Perhaps there cannot be laws without a lawgiver. But Plato tells us that the ethical laws cannot be the arbitrary whims of personalized Gods. Perhaps instead we can make our own laws. We know that this is sometimes true-there is no biblical or Koranic authority for a 30 mph speed limit-so why shouldn't it always be true?
*[Here I disagree with Blackburn. I don't think we can nor that we should make 'our own laws'. I think that, given our nature as human beings, there are things that are befitting and things that aren't befitting for humans. These, instead of coming up with them, are to be discover by us. And we have made progress. Today we talk about and defend human rights, while in the past slavery, genocide, pillaging, and raping were the norm. And it was we humans [not so much the Bible as Blackburn cited textual evidence above] who slowly realized how inadequate these behaviors were for us humans. We humans have made epistemological progress in ethics.]
submitted by epistemic_amoeboid to exlldm [link] [comments]


2024.05.08 06:06 ObviouslySteve Loss of Life as a Neverending Story of Life, Love, and Maturity: An Analysis

What’s up guys. So like a lot of y’all I’ve had Loss of Life on repeat since it came out. One thing is for sure: it’s an album about maturing and adulthood. But every time I listen I hear more and more evidence that the album has a cohesive narrative, telling the story of a life and representing an endless cycle of birth and rebirth. So I’ve just been jotting down notes, it’s kind of a lot so feel free to skip around.
The basic idea is each song represents one stage/significant event in the protagonist’s life, starting with birth (Mother Nature) and ending with death (Loss of Life). We’ll get to Loss of Life Pt. 2 later.
Even if it’s a little abstract, I think there’s a clear linear narrative carried over between songs anchored by a shifting attitude towards the world. The album starts with youthful optimism, transitions to the pessimism of young adulthood, then ends with the gained wisdom of true maturity.
Let me break down each song, what they represent, and my reasoning:
Now, before I close I’d like to throw out there that there are a lot of cracks in this interpretation. It’s a pretty literal reading, there are recurring themes I’ve skipped over, and some points rely on flimsy evidence. But the purpose of this post is not to say it’s the only possible reading or that the album is some sort of puzzle MGMT wanted us to solve, rather it’s a vibe that I keep picking up on that I think may constitute just a small part of what the guys were cookin’ up in the studio. And it’s also just an excuse to keep listening to the album.
So yeah I’d love to know what you guys think. Are you picking up the same vibe I am or do you think I’m totally off base?
submitted by ObviouslySteve to mgmt [link] [comments]


2024.05.07 19:48 graidan Or Not

There are fundamental teachings in the Way of Wight, ideas about how the World works, and how to relate to and interact with the Wights. These define the tradition and mark it as different from other Animisms out there (psychological, Ecological, Bioregional, Indigenous, etc.).
That said, the most important idea of all is Orthoskhesis - the idea that it's your relationships and keeping them healthy that makes for a good spiritual life. It's the solution to the problem of being happy and healthy in the world, much like Salvation is important to Christians, Surrender to Muslims, and Nonattachment to the Buddhists.
The main point of Orthoskhesis is that it's YOUR relationship with any given Wight, so how you maintain it is between you and the Wight themselves. This implies that there is no right way - which means that really, anything in this community should be approached with "Or Not" in mind. While the teachings define the tradition, there's no reason other Animists can come and share their experiences as well. And there's no reason that suggested practices and approaches can't be ignored as inappropriate or irrelevant to one's one relationships as well.
Sure, we can share what we do, give suggestions or answer questions, but ultimately, it's the responsibility of each person to maintain their relationships as they see fit. So every suggestion and idea comes with the caveat of "Or Not".
There are things that are REEEEEEEEELY GOOD IDEASTM, but you're always free to ignore them.

submitted by graidan to WayOfWights [link] [comments]


2024.05.07 14:25 genericusername1904 The Month In Review Community Notes 005, or index for April 2024 – and M. VALERIUS MARTIALIS 13:68

CAL. MAIOR. LUDI FLORES. NEW MOON OF THE THIRD MONTH.

Salve salve, Jaguar Warriors at the Flower Games!
There seems to have been quite a lot of writing done over the last month, as I look back over it: one little book almost finished and two little books started. All of them niche within niche within niche – mere exercises in rhetoric and utterly meaningless; we have not refuted abramic religion, nor solved the matter of politics, nor cured mental illness – quite in fact we have been simply writing elaborate epigrams in the style of M. Valerius Martialis, as Chrysippus did and as Plato and Galen did, and so on and so on. Quite in fact, over this last month, my greatest accomplishment in my opinion was none of these exercises in rhetoric but that time when I improved upon the fish-feed mechanism in my garden and repaired the roof, as: those are tangible things, you understand, far superior to the phantasms of political affairs, grande narrative and “putting the world right” that preoccupies so those dusty labyrinthine passages in the minds of Men and Women; as: all desire, as Bastiat observed, to clamour that someone else sweep the floor when they could themselves be sweeping the floor – mere laziness. I am inclined to approve of the great-great-grandmother of yours, reader, who would have lifted your skirt or pulled down your Vikingr lodbrok and turned your bare arse the colour purple with a broomstick for being so work-shy; indeed, mad and lunatic in that moment of action, she would nevertheless be correct in her intuition that if she did not do such a thing to you that you would never learn the lesson as none else would care to trouble themselves to give it to you; being overly concerned of the matter of their own self-image, and thus a village and thus a township and thus a peoples would wither on the vine; their vintage never even realized - much less sampled, and much much less facilitating progenition.
Here, let us honour Octavian Caesar’s favourite pastime, in the spirit of the Flores, and roll the dice; let us pick a book and a page and a verse at random, and see what M. Valerius Martialis has to say at this juncture:
O’ thank the Lares it is short and praise be that it mentions Grapes! That would be the equivalent of rolling a double six, on a pair of dice each with 750 sides, you understand.

Galbina (a type Woodpecker)’s quills are cheated and her wings bound by nets;

Galbina decipitur calamis* et retibus ales,

writhing and swollen; all gone green over a mere raw grape.

turget\* ad hoc viridi cum rudis uva mero.*

M. VALERIUS MARTIALIS, BOOK 13, VERSE 68

\calamis: feather, pen, quill.*
\*either ‘turget’ is either to be translated as ‘swollen’ (from: turgida) (as it is in Bohn’s version) or it is ‘twist, torment, distorted’ (from: torqueo; pertorqueo, extorqueo, etc.), with the latter “tor-go-eo” (or “tor-gwa-eo”) more phonetically closer to the otherwise inexplicable word ‘turget’ “tor-geet”, so I just use both – probably it is the latter since it offers a better image of “writhing under a net”.*
Honestly it beggars belief how Bohn missed this one; I mean: what sense does this make:

“The (Woodpecker) is trapped by reeds and nets, while the grape, yet immature, swells with green juice.” Bohn’s Classical Library (1897)

Obviously the ‘joke’ is that the woodpecker who sought to eat the green raw grape has turned green through exertion and terror as consequence of being snared by the use of the green raw grape as bait. The reader may understand why I have such confidence in the worth of my own amusements here as that many of these Epigrams even in their most basic sense of overt verbatim import, let alone their deeper profundities, seem to sit utterly unrealized.
Such is true also, I suppose, of the contents of our index page,
\more of a follow-up to* this rant about the culture of docility and passive egoism in West, of which the internet is a apex crystallization of, as being undeniably the cause of war, genocide and domestic enmity, as: we today do not possess the excuses of the past of having some culture of militarism nor an autocratic government which can be blamed for causing these things as has historically been the excuse to “explain away” such things in human behaviour.
\*probably this ought be read as* “Logos vs Ethnos (7.1)”
all draft copies, all subject to revision and usually in need of tidying up

and

lest we forget the last dice roll: MARTIAL 5:45-5:47; in which Martial – in the first verse in my opinion – forces a Helot or Dacian boy to dress as a girl, then makes fun of the boy for “wanting to be a girl”, then explains in the next verse that the reason he is sexually humiliating the lad is simply to kill the boys spirit. Then he mocks a ‘Philo’ (which certainly is a reference to the wisest of the Greeks; regardless of any more depth to it than that) for being too poor to afford to eat; suggesting, I think, that the fake moralists only complain about such things and do not do such things is because they simply lack the coin to do such things themselves; as like in another verse to the same effect; how easy it is for a poor Man to resist narcotics or sexual indulgences when he has no means to procure them in the first place, when give him 200,000 sesterces and see how he immediately changes into the drunkard and the whore-monger.
But honestly, reader, if you think I have been choosing these epigrams with any forethought you are completely cracked. See here that we have upset the homosexuals ‘and’ the anti-homosexuals all in one go. However if one is in neither camp and is, therefore, able to enjoy such witticisms for their own sake as fond mockery, that such poems are Fucking “Based” – in both the colloquial and verbatim meaning of that word at once. Ultimately that ‘is’ the intention of the most highly moralistic satire, lest it need be pointed out to you – and obviously it does.
Anyway I am quite done with talking to you now, ‘the public’, you do not even exist according to the most cutting-edge thesis on the matter; and more importantly than this: it is a Nice Day outside.

Valete.

CAL. MAIOR. LUDI FLORES. NEW MOON OF THE THIRD MONTH.


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2024.05.07 07:25 PreferenceFancy7001 should i (18F) tell my best friend (19F) that i like her?

hello!! this is my first post please be patient, i just downloaded reddit five minutes ago to talk about this because i have nobody to talk to. i am an 18 year old girl who is queer (i like who i like and dont wanna label myself as pan cause it doesn’t feel right. ik it’s annoying).
anyways!! i go to a christian school and grew up in a christian home. i have struggled with religion for years and this year decided i am agnostic. my best friend who i’ve known since the 8th grade is christian. she struggles with religion too but she is still a believer. she’s said in the past she wouldn’t date a girl because it is a sin and she doesn’t want to damage her relationship with god (this hurt so much).
so our dynamic is kinda weird. we flirt like a lot. like so much. we send each other those really weird instagram couple memes and just joke about like kissing and stuff. she flirts with her other friends but idk. it just feels different with us.
so she’s a poet and writes some of the most beautiful poems i have ever read. this sucks cause she wrote a poem ABOUT ME!!! you guys. it was bad. like the poem was beautiful but it was so not platonic and i don’t think she knows. shes written two poems about me and each time it’s like crazy. we’ve had conversations about the whole “i wish you were a girl” audio that went viral and this girl. SHE SAID SHE WISHED I WAS A BOY. i can’t tell if she was joking but it was so much. she’s said she would date me if i was a boy and i can’t tell if she’s joking.
now it came to a head a few months ago when i started to realize that i wasn’t joking. all the flirting from my end hasn’t been a joke for a long time and idk what to do. i wanna tell her but i don’t wanna make it awkward. she wouldn’t stop being my friend or anything crazy. she’s perfect. she wouldn’t make it awkward it would just be me. if i told her it would be very selfish. our entire dynamic would change but god. i really really wanna tell her and i need help. like serious. i need help. idk what to do pls help me!!!
also sorry if this was a crappy post. i’ve listened to so many reddit’s stories but had no idea how to write this. if you need more information pls lemme know i’m happy to explain!!
TL;DR;: should i tell my best friend that i have a crush on her even though it could ruin our entire relationship?
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2024.05.07 00:09 MirkWorks The American Religion by Harold Bloom (New Age)

11
The New Age: California Orphism
California, for most of this century, has been our new Burned-over District, replacing the western reserve of New York State, which was the religious hothouse of the nineteenth century. Though the New Age cults have no more than about thirty thousand members, their fellow travelers are an untold multitude. Virtually all our bookstores feature a New Age section, ranging from Shirley MacLaine recalling her previous incarnations to the memoirs of prehistoric warriors, Schwarzkopfs of 35,000 years ago. Networking in our America, these days, takes place either among the politically correct academics of the high camp of Resentment, or among the dank cranks of the belated Aquarian Conspiracy, trying to float our planet off into cosmic consciousness.
Religious criticism cannot be applied to Scientology, or to the Moonie Unification Church, any more than literary criticism can find its texts-for-discussion in Alice Walker or in Danielle Steel. The New Age is a borderline case, like Allen Ginsberg or John Updike. The warlocks and the mediums of California Orphism aren’t exactly Emanuel Swedenborg or even Madame Helena.
Petrovna Blavatsky, of whom W.B. Yeats sublimely remarked: “Of course she gets up spurious miracles, but what is a woman of genius to do in the nineteenth century!” The spurious miracles of the New Age are the comic outreaches of the American Religion, and might yield a few amiable insights to a properly disinterested religious criticism. The way not to criticize the New Age is simply to denounce it, which is the practice of Christian apologists such as Kerry D. McRoberts in his New Age or Old Lie (1989), an Evangelical ferocity of a treatise:
Easily sensationalized? Hardly, since New Age fantasies are beyond further sensationalizing. Their ultimate American ancestor is Emerson, who would have had grand entertainment from them, and yet Emerson hardly would have rejoiced in this varied progeny. To have given us Walt Whitman and Wallace Stevens is one kind of achievement; to have helped foster Norman Vincent Peale and the wild apostles of Harmonial religion is quite another. Sydney Ahlstrom’s definition of Harmonial religion is now classic:
The last phrase is the title of Ralph Waldo Trine’s book of 1897, which preached a universal religion in which God and man were seen as differing only in degree, not in essence. Hailing his namesake Emerson as prophet of the New Harmonial era, Trine set the pattern for a long procession of similar diffusers of the sage of Concord. The late President Bart Giamatti of Yale (later baseball commissioner) accurately remarked to me once that the actual Emerson was “as sweet as barbed wire,” a truth lost upon the Harmonials.
Health and Harmony worthies, after Trine, memorably included Emmet Fox, Norman Vincent Peale, Ann Morrow Lindbergh, Thomas Merton, and all of our current New Age prophets, seers, and shamans. These are legion, yet are varied ancestors of Swedenborg, Madame Blavatsky, and the Jesuit scientist Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. The American 1960s doubtless originated the ferment out of which the New Age emanated, but the movement essentially was revived in the California of the later 1970s and may have achieved its greatest prominence throughout the 1980s. Its most enthusiastic (and uncritical) chronicler remains Marilyn Ferguson, who celebrated its promise in The Aquarian Conspiracy (1980). Her catalog of gurus began with Teilhard de Chardin, Jung, Aldous Huxley, and J. Krishnamurti, and then went on to include a remarkable mingling (among others) of Tillich, Buber, Gregory Bateson, assorted Swamis, Marshall McLuhan, Buckminster Fuller, and even Werner Erhard. California, she declared, was the “Laboratory for Transformation,” and the inevitable location for sparking a return to “the God within.” We are well within the belated repetition of what I have called American Orphism when we contemplate California Orphism.
Having read his way through Mrs. Eddy, Mrs. White, and the Book of Mormon, the religious critic encounters his inevitable defeat in the pages of Matthew Fox, David Spangler, David Toolan, Chogyam Trungpa, and the other major New Age authors. One reads the same passages over again, worried that one has missed the point, only to discover that points belong to the wrong mindset. Here, absolutely at random, is Trungpa:
We are told (p. 79) that drala is “the living magic of reality,” but the definition does not aid me in the difficult act of interpreting whether or not looser garments will bring me nearer to such living magic. New Age prose is its own genre, and the wonder of the New Age, at its advent, will be how the newagers will manage to read their own edifying discourse. Rather than pursue the pith of their doctrine in particular authorities, I will summarize the burden of what my doughty efforts have contrived to dredge up, so far. Somewhat in the background of the New Age is the lucid and beautiful anthology edited by Aldous Huxley, The Perennial Philosophy (1945). Huxley’s spiritual authorities were the great seers and mystics of the ages, among them William Law, Thomas Traherne, the Bhagavad Gita, Meister Eckhart, and Saint Augustine. In the contemplative brilliance of Huxley’s own prose as frame, the profundities of Law and Eckhart acquired fresh reverberation. By recourse to Huxley, you can sometimes construe a New Age passage and hazard some guess as to more or less what some California sage hoped she or he might mean. Otherwise, the student of the New Age must be resigned to that proverbial picnic, to which the authors bring the words (or some of them, anyway) and the readers bring the meanings.
Elevated consciousness would appear to be the common goal of all New Age Enthusiasts, including Ms. Shirley MacLaine, certainly the handsomest of the movement’s public figures. Monistic ecologists of the spirit, they proclaim that now is the acceptable time for a great leap forward in paradigms, despite one’s gloomy sense that the era belongs to Reagan, Bush, and similar anchors of the Old Age. If one must have apocalyptics, far better that they should be of the California Orphic variety than our multitude of Fundamentalist literalizers of the Revelation of St. John the Divine and the book of Daniel. California apocalypses are by no means all benign: any reader of Nathanael West’s The Day of the Locust can recall the fury that descends there on Los Angeles, and can wonder how ominous a prophecy it may prove to be. But New Age apocalypse is humane, indeed even sentimental. Our planet is not about to float off into a cosmic greenpeace, but at least it is heartening that the New Age Orphics dream of so amiable a conclusion.

God, for the New Age, is rather too purged of the anthropomorphic for my taste, and I assume that the Theosophical legacy is responsible for no otherwise uncharacteristic a Californian dehumanization of God. A God immanent both in outward nature and in consciousness evades the intervening space of incarnation. Christianity therefore is mostly irrelevant to the New Age, except insofar as Christianity already has been modified into the American Religion, of which the New Age is sometimes a charming parody.
One might say that the New Age is to the American Religion what Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest is to Shakespearean drama: a great shadow’s last embellishment. The Mormon aspiration of mounting to godhood or the Southern Baptist experience of an uncreated self within one, is replaced by the entertainment of the notion that one’s own consciousness is God. And the Mormon ambition of populating a planet only with one’s own family, or the Southern Baptist passion for being alone with Jesus, is taken to the lunatic apotheosis that one’s very own spirit guide is built into the ecology of one’s own mind. American Gnosticism and American Enthusiasm are splendidly parodied by California Orphism, by a metamorphic glamour that dissolves the last empiric constraints which the universe of death exercises against our drive for spirituality.
Aldous Huxley, in his introduction to The Perennial Philosophy, gave a warning that New Age Enthusiasts, like everyone else, will receive nothing for nothing:
  • The Perennial Philosophy is primarily concerned with the one, divine Reality substantial to the manifold world of things and lives and minds. But the nature of this one Reality is such that it cannot be directly and immediately apprehended except by those who have chosen to fulfill certain conditions, making themselves loving, pure in heart, and poor in spirit.
California Orphism, skipping over Huxley’s monitory remark, apprehends Reality directly and immediately, at no inner expense whatsoever. Marilyn Ferguson, in the accents of a benign consumerism, excitedly assured her Aquarian conspirators that even death had surrendered to their aspirations:
  • A number of those filling out the Aquarian Conspiracy questionnaire commented that their experiences had forced them to give up their previous assumption that bodily death ends consciousness. Despite their disaffiliation with formal religion, 53 percent expressed strong belief in such survival and another 23 percent said they were “moderately sure,” a total of 75 percent. Only 5 percent were skeptical and 3 percent disbelieving. (pp. 383-84)
What the God of California shares with the God of the American Religion, and indeed of Christianity, is that he is the Reality you set against the Freudian reality principle, the necessity of dying, of really dying, once and for all. The Californian God differs in that he is a kind of public orange grove, where you can pick as and when you want, particularly since he is an orange grove within. His perpetual and universal immanence makes it difficult for a newager to distinguish between God and any experience whatsoever, but then why should such a distinction occur to a Californian Orphic? Matthew Fox, ostensibly a Catholic priest, has formulated a curious doctrine of “panentheism” to avoid this collapse into pantheism, but Fox is one of my defeats. Several attempts on my part to read through The Coming of the Cosmic Christ (1988) have failed, as no prose I have ever encountered can match Fox’s in blissful vacuity, where all things flow to all, as rivers to the sea.
The absolute immanence of the New Age God is, I suppose, the inescapable poem of California’s climate, the cosmos as one grand orange, consciousness as its juice. “The sacramental consciousness of panentheism develops into a transparent and diaphanous consciousness wherein we can see events and beings as divine.” If one substituted “oranges” for “divine” as the final word in that Foxian sentence, after substituting “juice” for the two appearances of “consciousness,” then mere understanding might be advanced:
  • The sacramental juice of panentheism develops into a transparent and diaphanous juice wherein we can see events and beings as oranges.
To render justice unto Fox and most followers of the New Age, he and they hedged the obsessive immanence of God with a touch of transcendence. There is thus a heavenly or archetypal orange somewhere, as well as the enveloping cosmic orange. But this difference makes so little difference, on a daily basis, as not to survive the pragmatic test. Fox has a nostalgia for the Church’s sacraments but he, like all newagers, doesn’t really need them.
The perfect concentrate of consciousness is the Grail for which the New Age quests, a Grail it rather surprisingly identifies with near-death experiences, which now constitute a considerable American growth industry. Here again I must mutter my defeat, since I cannot understand how any near-death experience whatsoever can give evidence of the survival of consciousness after death. Carol Zaleski’s very useful Otherworld Journeys: Accounts of Near-Death Experience in Medieval and Modern Times (1987) notes the rise of IANDS (International Association of Near-Death Studies). IANDS has become a marvelous amalgam of near-death research with New Age ideology, complete with “maroon T-shirts, and a logo that combines the tunnel image with the Taoist yin-yang symbol,” as well as a quarterly newsletter hopefully entitled Vital Signs. As Zaleski shows, this is nothing new, but was inaugurated as early as 1903 by the British psychic research F.W.H Myers, himself a crucial influence upon my favorite modern literary critic, the late G. Wilson Knight. Still, the modern phase of near-death jamboree begins only with Raymond Moody’s relatively careful Life after Life (1975), a threshold work that does not cross over into New Age exuberance. That achievement belongs to Kenneth Ring, a Moody disciple who made the great leap and oranged himself:
  • Near-death experiences collectively represent an evolutionary thrust toward higher consciousness for humanity as a whole.... People who have had near-death experiences, as well as many other people whose lives have been transformed by one or more deep spiritual experiences, all these people as a totality represent in effect a more highly advanced human being…. To my thinking, the emergence of this new strain of human being…on the planet now, signals a possibility that the dawning of the New Age is indeed upon us. (quoted in Zaleski, pp. 107-8)
Zaleski’s own restrained conclusions are altogether different:
  • At this stage I see no justification for treating contemporary near-death testimony as the foundation for a new eschatology or religious movement. Near-death literature is at its best when it is modest and anecdotal; pressed into service as philosophy or prophecy, it sounds insipid. (p. 204)
But the apostles of the New Age ignore such a warning, and rely not only upon Moody and Ring but also upon Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, author of On Death and Dying (1969, 1975) and its companion works. Kubler-Ross, by whatever means, has comforted both the dying and their survivors, while assuring all of us that there is no such thing as death, and also that dying is in itself rather a good thing. It is hardly a limitation of the New Age that so much of its appeal is founded upon thanatology. Christianity, after all, stakes everything upon the Resurrection; if Jesus Christ did not rise from the dead, in defiance of nature, then all of Christianity is simply an imposture. The American Religion, as I have argued throughout, is ultrasupernaturalistic, and its varieties demand even more violent miracles than are afforded by institutional and historical Christianity. Extravagant as the New Age is, it is only the most garish of all the American originals that have expressed our national spiritual exuberance.
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2024.05.06 11:08 adulting4kids Dead Sea Scrolls Study Guide -Unedited

The War Scroll, also known as the "War of the Sons of Light Against the Sons of Darkness," is a unique text within the Dead Sea Scrolls that portrays an apocalyptic battle between the forces of good (Sons of Light) and evil (Sons of Darkness). This scroll provides insight into both historical and symbolic elements.
Historical Accuracy:
The War Scroll, while containing detailed military tactics and an epic narrative of the ultimate confrontation, doesn't explicitly reference any specific historical event or timeframe. Some scholars believe it could be a product of the community's anticipation of a future messianic conflict or a reflection of their own community's struggles against opposing forces during their time. Interpreting the historical accuracy of the scroll often involves exploring the context of the Qumran community and the turbulent times in which they lived.
Symbolism and Esoteric Wisdom:
The War Scroll goes beyond a mere description of a physical battle. It portrays a cosmic conflict between the forces of light and darkness, reflecting not just a literal warfare but also a symbolic and spiritual struggle. The text emphasizes righteousness, divine intervention, and the victory of good over evil.
Within the study guide, activities and exercises could involve dissecting the symbolic elements present in the War Scroll, exploring the deeper meanings behind the battle tactics and the metaphysical implications of the conflict. Understanding the symbolism could involve group discussions, comparative analysis with other ancient texts with similar themes, and exploring the impact of this symbolic representation on the community's beliefs and practices.
Here are a few activities and exercises to explore the symbolism and historical context of the War Scroll from the Dead Sea Scrolls:
  1. Symbolism Analysis:
Provide excerpts from the War Scroll and encourage participants to identify and discuss the symbolic meanings behind elements like the "Sons of Light" and the "Sons of Darkness," various weapons, and the strategies outlined for battle. Group discussions or written reflections can help participants explore the deeper layers of meaning.
  1. Comparative Analysis:
Compare the War Scroll's themes with similar apocalyptic or eschatological texts from different cultures or religions, such as apocalyptic passages in the Book of Revelation in the Christian Bible or apocalyptic texts from other ancient traditions. Create worksheets or discussion prompts to highlight similarities and differences in themes, symbols, and beliefs about cosmic battles.
  1. Historical Context Exploration:
Present historical information about the era when the Dead Sea Scrolls were written. Discuss the political, social, and religious climate of that time, including the turmoil in the region, to understand how these factors might have influenced the composition of the War Scroll. Encourage participants to consider the possible motivations behind the text's creation.
  1. Creative Interpretation:
Encourage creative expression by asking participants to create artwork, poems, or short stories inspired by the themes and imagery found in the War Scroll. This exercise allows individuals to engage more deeply with the symbolic elements and interpret them in their own unique ways.
  1. Role-playing or Debates:
    Organize a role-playing activity where participants take on the roles of "Sons of Light" and "Sons of Darkness," debating their ideologies, motivations, and strategies for the ultimate battle. This exercise helps in understanding differing perspectives and interpreting the conflicts presented in the scroll.
Interpretative variations regarding the river's crossing in different ancient texts reflect the unique religious, philosophical, and cultural perspectives embedded within these narratives. These differences in interpretation offer insights into diverse worldviews and varying theological frameworks present in ancient texts:
  1. Mesopotamian Context:
  • In Mesopotamian mythology and literature, the Euphrates River often held symbolic significance as a boundary between the known civilized world and the wild, unknown realms. The crossing of the Euphrates could symbolize journeys into unexplored territories or transitions between order and chaos. This perspective reflects a worldview rooted in the physical and geographical division of lands.
  1. Biblical Context:
  • In biblical texts, such as those in the Book of Revelation or Old Testament prophecies, the crossing of the Euphrates carries eschatological significance. It may represent a divine intervention or a decisive moment in God's plan, marking the commencement of apocalyptic events. This interpretation aligns with the biblical narrative of divine judgment and the unfolding of God's ultimate purpose in history.
  1. Gnostic or Apocryphal Context:
  • Gnostic or apocryphal texts often interpret the river's crossing as a symbolic liberation or awakening. It might signify the release of spiritual forces or the ascent to higher consciousness, reflecting a philosophical perspective emphasizing spiritual enlightenment and liberation from material constraints.
  1. Greco-Roman Interpretation:
  • In Greco-Roman literature, crossings of rivers were often associated with mythological journeys or transitions between realms. The crossing of the Euphrates might symbolize a transition from mundane existence to a realm of mystery or spiritual significance, reflecting a cultural perspective rooted in mythology and cosmology.
These varied interpretations highlight the richness and diversity of religious, philosophical, and cultural frameworks present in ancient texts. The river's crossing serves as a flexible symbol that adapts to different narratives, conveying themes of transition, judgment, liberation, or cosmic transformation based on the unique perspectives of each tradition.
Exploring these interpretative variations allows participants to appreciate the complexity of symbolism within ancient texts and provides insights into how different cultures and belief systems interpreted common motifs like the river Euphrates. It showcases the intricate interplay between religious, philosophical, and cultural elements shaping the symbolism and theological implications embedded in these narratives.
The river Euphrates, a prominent geographic feature in ancient texts, embodies universal themes that transcend specific cultural contexts. Identifying these universal themes helps reveal shared human concepts of transition, boundaries, and transformative events across diverse ancient traditions:
  1. Threshold and Transition:
  • The Euphrates often symbolizes a boundary between known and unknown territories. Its crossing represents a transition from one state to another, signifying a pivotal moment of change or passage. This theme of crossing a threshold echoes the human experience of transitions in life, moving from familiar to unfamiliar realms.
  1. Boundary and Separation:
  • As a geographical boundary, the Euphrates signifies separation between distinct territories or civilizations. This concept of demarcation resonates with universal human experiences of setting boundaries, delineating spaces, or marking divisions between different aspects of life.
  1. Transformative Events:
  • Crossing the Euphrates is often associated with cosmic or transformative events in ancient texts. This universal theme reflects the human fascination with the concept of epochal change, cosmic upheavals, or moments of divine intervention that reshape the course of history.
  1. Symbol of Power and Control:
  • The river might represent a symbol of power, control, or geopolitical significance. Crossing it could signify shifts in dominance, challenges to established authority, or the assertion of influence. This theme resonates with human narratives of power struggles and shifts in societal dynamics.
  1. Metaphor for Spiritual Journeys:
  • Across cultures, rivers are often used metaphorically to represent spiritual journeys or quests. The crossing of the Euphrates might symbolize the pursuit of enlightenment, the passage to higher realms of understanding, or the quest for spiritual transformation.
These universal themes associated with the river Euphrates highlight fundamental aspects of the human experience—transitions, boundaries, transformative events, power dynamics, and spiritual journeys. The river's symbolism in ancient texts speaks to shared human aspirations, struggles, and beliefs that transcend cultural boundaries and resonate across different epochs and civilizations.
By identifying and discussing these universal themes, participants gain a deeper appreciation for the profound symbolism embedded in ancient texts and recognize the timeless relevance of concepts such as transition, boundaries, and transformative events in shaping human narratives and aspirations.
  1. Historical Context:
  • What historical events or societal conditions might have influenced the composition of the War Scroll?
  • How does the historical context of the Dead Sea Scrolls' discovery contribute to our understanding of this text's significance?
  1. Symbolism and Esoteric Wisdom:
  • How does the War Scroll use symbolism to convey spiritual or cosmic themes?
  • What esoteric wisdom or deeper spiritual insights can be derived from the portrayal of cosmic conflict and divine intervention within the text?
  1. Comparative Analysis:
  • Compare the themes and symbolism of the War Scroll with other apocalyptic texts from different cultures (e.g., Book of Revelation, The Book of Daniel). What common motifs or differences in interpretation do you observe?
  1. Parallelism in Biblical Texts:
  • Explore connections between the War Scroll and other biblical texts. How does the language, imagery, or themes in the War Scroll intersect with passages from the Hebrew Bible or New Testament?
  1. Community Beliefs and Practices:
  • How might the apocalyptic expectations depicted in the War Scroll have influenced the beliefs and practices of the community that produced it?
  • Discuss the impact of such intense anticipation of cosmic conflict on communal life and religious rituals within the community.
  1. Cultural Significance of Cosmic Battles:
  • Across various ancient cultures, why do you think depictions of cosmic battles and eschatological events were significant? What might these narratives represent in a broader cultural context?
  1. Interpretive Variations and Unique Perspectives:
  • Explore the diverse interpretations of specific passages or symbols within the War Scroll. How do different scholars or traditions interpret these elements, and what underlying factors might influence their interpretations?
  1. Personal Reflection and Modern Relevance:
  • Reflect on how the themes of cosmic conflict, righteousness, and spiritual warfare in the War Scroll might resonate in contemporary society or personal belief systems.
  1. Theological and Philosophical Implications:
  • Discuss the theological and philosophical implications of a cosmic battle between forces of light and darkness. How does this theme intersect with broader philosophical inquiries or theological doctrines?
  1. Literary and Symbolic Analysis:
- Analyze the narrative structure and symbolic elements present in specific passages of the War Scroll. How do these elements contribute to the text's overarching themes and meanings? 
These study questions aim to provoke critical thinking, promote in-depth exploration of themes, encourage comparative analysis, and stimulate discussions on the multifaceted nature of the War Scroll's content and its significance within ancient and contemporary contexts.
  1. Archaeological and Linguistic Analysis:
- How does the physical condition of the Dead Sea Scrolls, including the War Scroll, impact our understanding of their preservation and historical context? - Discuss the linguistic peculiarities or unique textual features found within the War Scroll and their implications for translation and interpretation. 
  1. Apocalyptic Expectations and Messianic Concepts:
- Explore the portrayal of messianic figures or anticipated saviors within the War Scroll. How do these concepts align with or diverge from contemporary expectations of a messianic figure in other ancient texts or religious traditions? 
  1. Impact of Apocalyptic Literature:
- Analyze the enduring influence of apocalyptic literature, such as the War Scroll, on subsequent religious, literary, or cultural traditions. How have these texts shaped later beliefs or inspired artistic and literary works? 
  1. Ethical and Moral Frameworks:
- Discuss the ethical or moral implications of the cosmic conflict depicted in the War Scroll. How do the themes of righteousness and wickedness contribute to the text's underlying moral framework? 
  1. Role of Prophecy and Revelation:
- Explore the role of prophecy and revelation within the War Scroll. How do the prophetic elements contribute to the text's portrayal of future events and cosmic justice? 
  1. Experiential and Ritualistic Elements:
- Investigate potential ritualistic or experiential dimensions associated with the teachings or beliefs conveyed in the War Scroll. How might the community have engaged with these teachings in their religious practices or communal activities? 
  1. Literary Genre and Interpretation:
- Discuss the classification of the War Scroll within the broader genre of apocalyptic literature. How does its classification influence our understanding and interpretation of its themes and symbolic elements? 
  1. Relevance in Modern Scholarship:
- Reflect on the ongoing scholarly debates or discoveries related to the War Scroll. How have modern interpretations evolved, and what implications do these new perspectives have on our understanding of the text? 
  1. Intersection of Faith and Scholarship:
- Consider the interplay between faith-based interpretations and scholarly analyses of the War Scroll. How might religious convictions or theological frameworks influence academic research and vice versa? 
  1. Future Research and Interpretative Avenues:
- Propose potential avenues for future research or areas of exploration concerning the War Scroll. What unanswered questions or unexplored aspects merit further investigation? 
The composition of the War Scroll, along with other Dead Sea Scrolls, was likely influenced by several historical events and societal conditions prevalent during the time of its writing, which is estimated to be between the 2nd century BCE and the 1st century CE:
  1. Hellenistic Rule and Cultural Influence:
  • The region where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found was under Hellenistic influence due to the conquests of Alexander the Great and the subsequent control by the Seleucid Empire. This era saw a clash between Hellenistic culture and Jewish traditions, leading to cultural tensions and a desire to preserve religious and cultural heritage.
  1. Political Turmoil and Resistance Movements:
  • The Jewish people experienced political unrest, particularly during the Maccabean Revolt against Seleucid rule. This period was characterized by resistance movements, attempts to preserve Jewish identity, and fervent anticipation of a messianic figure to deliver them from foreign oppression.
  1. Religious Sects and Spiritual Expectations:
  • Various religious sects existed within Judaism, each with its own interpretations and expectations of messianic redemption, purity laws, and theological doctrines. The community associated with the Dead Sea Scrolls, often believed to be the Essenes, likely had distinctive theological beliefs and a strong apocalyptic worldview.
  1. Anticipation of Cosmic Redemption:
  • There was a widespread belief in the imminent arrival of a messianic figure or a divine intervention that would bring about cosmic redemption, ushering in an era of righteousness and divine rule. This anticipation of apocalyptic events and a cosmic battle between forces of light and darkness is reflected in the War Scroll's themes.
Regarding the historical context of the Dead Sea Scrolls' discovery, its significance lies in multiple facets:
  1. Preservation of Ancient Texts:
  • The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls, including the War Scroll, provided an invaluable collection of ancient manuscripts that significantly expanded our understanding of ancient Jewish texts, religious beliefs, and the diversity of Jewish thought during the Second Temple period.
  1. Insights into Jewish Sectarianism:
  • The scrolls shed light on the diversity of beliefs and practices among Jewish sects during that time. Understanding the beliefs and expectations of the community associated with the Dead Sea Scrolls helps contextualize the theological and apocalyptic themes present in the War Scroll.
  1. Confirmation of Scriptural Accuracy:
  • The Dead Sea Scrolls' discovery contributed to confirming the accuracy and preservation of certain biblical texts, highlighting the continuity of textual transmission across centuries and supporting the authenticity of biblical manuscripts.
  1. Impact on Biblical Studies and Scholarship:
  • The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls revolutionized biblical studies, providing scholars with invaluable primary sources for studying ancient Judaism, the development of biblical texts, and the context in which these texts were composed.
The historical context of political upheaval, religious expectations, and the preservation of texts within the Dead Sea Scrolls contributes significantly to understanding the milieu in which the War Scroll was written. It provides a backdrop against which the themes of cosmic conflict, eschatological anticipation, and religious fervor within the War Scroll can be comprehended.
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2024.05.05 16:59 Hannahjoy205 Poem about the pain I feel leaving Christianity.

In the quiet depths of the soul, A gnawing ache takes hold, For the love once sought in heaven's embrace Now seems a distant, empty space.
The silence of unanswered prayers Echoes through the hollowed years, As doubts creep in, unwelcome guests, And faith's foundation starts to rest.
To realize the gods were but a dream, Leaves the heart adrift in a silent stream, No longer buoyed by comforting lies, But drowning in the truth's stark cries.
Deconstructing faith, a painful task, Like tearing down walls, an impossible ask, Each brick removed, a piece of self, Leaving scars that linger, stubborn and stealth.
And as the ties to church unravel, The pain cuts deep, an endless travel, From the warmth of community, once so dear, To the icy loneliness of doubt and fear.
Yet amidst the rubble, a seed of hope, Springs forth, resilient, refusing to elope, For in the wreckage, new truths may rise, And love, in its purest form, still lies.
So let the tears flow, let the heartache mend, For in the journey's end, a soul may ascend, To find solace in the freedom gained, And in the love of self, forever sustained.
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2024.05.05 13:03 pillowcase-of-eels [Music/Book] Emilie Autumn's Asylum, pt. 4 – The Great Biographical Bamboozling: a fanbase's quest to systematically debunk their idol's fantastical claims

🫖 Welcome back to the Asylum write-up. This is where you live now. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
In this installment, we finally take a closer look at how Emilie Autumn's hyper-loyal fanbase gradually started losing faith in her as, among other things, it became more and more apparent that she... wasn't exactly a reliable narrator – in her semi-autobiographical book, or in general.

HOW IT STARTED: A WOMAN OF MYSTERY

Willow, weep for me Don't think I don't see This life I'm living in two But still it's something I must do I'm not unique in this Nor am I special, sweet, or kind I court a thousand smiles Yet I keep my own to hide behind (“Willow”, 2004 🎵)
I've previously referred to EA as an “expert vagueposter”, and this is relevant here.
For an artist who built her brand on a pledge of raw, rats-and-all honesty, EA has always been quite guarded about the specifics of her personal life. (Until her current partner, for instance, she always danced around calling anyone a boyfriend, even when the nature of the relationship was pretty obvious.) Her whole angle is telling “the truth”, but through whimsical fantasy. As early as the fairy-themed Enchant era, she had her own world, her own vernacular; she spoke in metaphors, in-jokes, and quirky anachronisms. Taxis were carriages, her electric keyboard was a harpsichord, she always capitalized Time and Art like Shakespeare does. On the Asylum forum, automatic word filters would change “fan” to “muffin”, “fairy” to “faerie”, “bra” to “teacup holder”, and “responsibility” to “ratsponsibility”.
She's a chatterbox who loves to share memories and funny anecdotes, but she usually keeps them short and sweet, Snapple-facts style. 📝 She's great at painting by touches in her storytelling, revealing just enough to let your imagination auto-complete the rest. 🔍 Even the most banal tidbits are very artfully told, very “on brand”, often dense with symbolism and foreshadowing – but also very abstracted.
She is especially elusive when it comes to her background and formative years. See the way she catches herself in this interview 📺📝 while describing her “favorite scar”, which is from an eel bite: “My – well, someone I knew... [gasp-laugh] had it as a pet, and...” (She was about to say “my sister”.)
In short, the way EA talks about her life is often very personal, but not all that candid – and sounds more like it's meant to provide a curated, coherent backstory for Emilie Autumn the character, rather than Emilie Autumn the person.
I'll tell the truth, all my songs Are pretty much the fucking same I'm not a fairy but I need More than this life, so I became This creature representing more to you Than just another girl... (“Swallow”, 2006 🎵)
In the beginning, this guardedness naturally contributed to the mystique. It made it all the more special when, once in a while, she would briefly drop the theatrics to share something earnest and relatively unfiltered. Like this composed, but vulnerable post from 2004 📝 about her father losing his battle to cancer, and her attempts at closure over their tense relationship. Or this 2012 anti-bullying campaign thing 📺 in which she opens up about being a target of intense physical bullying in elementary school, to a point that contributed to her being homeschooled at 9.
Fans in the early years were curious about her backstory, of course – but not too prodding or invasive, to my knowledge. I think there was an understanding that EA, like many performers, wanted to come across as human and approachable, while still cultivating an “aura” and retaining some privacy. But obviously, when she announced that she was writing a Tell-All Memoir in 2007, everyone was dying to read it. TEA TIME!

HOW IT'S GOING: A WOMAN OF... MALARKEY???

LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! (“Liar”, 2006 🎵)
As we've learned, the original 2009 release of EA's book was highly anticipated, but somewhat tainted by a bunch of shipping delays and unfulfilled promises. From the start of her career, EA had always cultivated a close parasocial involvement with her audience; many fans had as deep an attachment to her, personally, as they did to her art. So, for instance, when EA tweeted about all the personal dedications she was lovingly writing in overdue books, only for the books to arrive many months later and unsigned with no tangible explanation, it wasn't simply frustrating: it was betrayal amongst kin!
Really, it wasn't so much about fans not getting what they paid for – it was about the lack of clear communication or genuine accountability. This is pure speculation on my part, but the poppycock that EA tweeted about signing the books strikes me as the panic-lie of someone who hadn't realized just how many heartfelt, personalized dedications she would actually have to write when she came home from tour. And then she just couldn't do it, because she was overworked, paralyzed, distracted, depressed, procrastinating, whatever. Which... you know... is unfortunate, but probably not unforgivable. Especially for a touring performer who is open and vocal about their mental health issues.
I'm confident that most fans would have been happy to tell her that her well-being meant more to them than an autograph, or something along those lines. Instead, EA's cagey and avoidant demeanor around this issue left fans very salty – and newly suspicious of their favorite artist's word.
Which was regrettable timing for EA, because they had just received their copies of her memoir.
Here's a cursory look at some key biographical points that didn't hold up to scrutiny when more and more vexed fans, over the years, started looking into them.
Content warning until end of post: family estrangement, death by fire, worsening physical health issues, mention of disordered eating / weight loss / thinspiration, and LIES! LIES! LIIIIIES!

“EMILIE AUTUMN LIDDELL (BORN SEPTEMBER 22, 1979) IS AN AMERICAN SINGER-SONGWRITER...” (Wikipedia)

Every fandom has its Holy Grail. Because a number of EA's early releases were limited pressings put out through now-defunct record labels, the EA fandom in its heyday was a collector's wonderland. 📝🦠 At the height of her popularity, the original Enchant jewelcase (the one with the puzzle-poster) could easily fetch around $500 dollars on eBay, unsigned. The handwritten lyrics of an Opheliac B-side went for $940 in 2009. Don't even ask me about the hard copies of her two poetry books: those never even popped up over the five or six years that I had various alerts set up for all EA-related listings.
But the true crown jewel of EA rarities is the untitled promo version of her (also virtually unfindable) 2001 instrumental debut On a Day... No one knows how many copies exist. The darn thing is so rare that it's not even listed on Discogs. For a while, the only picture of the elusive “Violin” promo CD that was circulated online was this one.🪞 Go ahead, click the link. Notice anything odd? That black box where one composer's birth year should be?
I'm not sure why the notorious hyper-fan who originally shared this picture on the forum in the early 2010s took it upon himself to censor it before posting. I wasn't able to pinpoint when or why people started questioning EA's age, but clearly, something had already transpired to let him know that not redacting said birth year might, uh... cause an upset. In any case: at some point, people started digging – and eventually, the unredacted version of the “Violin” tracklist (as well as public records and literal receipts from eBay auctions) would be brandished as one more piece of damning evidence that EA was indeed (gasp!) two years older than she claimed to be.
“Okay, and?” you shrug. “What's the big deal?” I'm shrugging too! What can I say? People don't like realizing they've been fooled, even about something stupid. I will note that EA's fall equinox birthday (hence her middle name “Autumn”, yes) had been somewhat significant in the fandom. Over the years, EA's birthdays had been marked by online release parties, Q&A's, community events, special merch sales... A number of fans liked donning her trademark cheek heart on September 22. It felt a bit uncanny to realize that she had been announcing a false age on those occasions. It wasn't “a big deal” so much as it was incredibly odd.
Other than being appalled that Self-Proclaimed Staunch Feminist EA would give in to the cult of youth and not cop up to her real age, many fans were just plain bewildered: who would commit so stubbornly to such an inconsequential lie? What was even the point of lying by two years only? Why did she think anyone would care that she was 28 rather than 26 when Opheliac came out? What was she possibly getting out of this...??
My completely speculative theory is that, whether it was her idea or her then-manager's, the lie originated as a marketing strategy early on in her career. The “Violin” demo was recorded in 1997, when EA was 19-going-on-20. Per the liner notes of On a Day... 📝, which came out when she was 22, the demo's purpose was to be “a sort of calling card in the classical music industry”. Evidently, that didn't work out; EA claims, in the same paragraph, to have walked out on a classical recording deal at 18 because they wouldn't give her enough creative control.
Talented and unique as she was, she was trying to break out in a notoriously elitist and innovation-resistant milieu – and unlike her, most of the 22-year-old classical violinists she was in competition with had actually graduated from their prestigious music schools. But you know what sells better than an ambitious college dropout in her early twenties? Tweaking the truth just so to market yourself as an unconventional wunderkind, barely out of her teens! Any rendition of a complex, learnèd musical piece sounds more intriguing and impressive if you think it was played by an especially young (and beautiful) person. 20 was plausible, close enough to her real age, barely a lie at all, and such a nice, round number for a debut album.
Notice how much of the On a Day... liner notes, linked above, center on her precociousness, her uniqueness, and her savant-like dedication to her craft – a focus that seems absent from the promo version (from what I can decipher in those potato-quality pictures, anyway). These talking points would provide the basis for a lot of her early self-promotion and budding stage persona in the Enchant years. Even though the EP failed to make EA a household name in the classical world, the wunderkind narrative was her “in” to grab the attention and heart of a broader audience.
And I guess she's been running with it ever since.

“MY ANCESTRY IS POSITIVELY LITTERED WITH LUNATICS AND GIRLS WHO FALL DOWN RABBIT HOLES ... MY NAME IS EMILIE AUTUMN LIDDELL. YES, THAT LIDDELL.”

Oh, come on. Much as a fan may want to believe, isn't that a little on the nose? The anglophile with an obsession for tea, clocks, and madness... is literally related to Alice in Wonderland? 🔍 Curiouser and curiouser indeed.
EA came out as Emilie Autumn Liddell in The Book – of course – in a passage where she describes an interaction with a nurse. 📝 Note how she stresses the authenticity of her name, and how not-chosen it is (and the Alice connection, which just comes up organically) by disclosing it in a scene where she's filling out paperwork.
I'm pointing this out, because it would be tempting to allow room for creative license (and the slightest cringe) in a work of creative fiction based on personal experience. Buuut... TAFWG was not marketed as fiction. The main narrative in TAFWG, according to EA, is an actual fac-simile of the journals she kept during a harrowing stay at a Los Angeles psychiatric hospital following a suicide attempt. This is something that EA has stressed from the inception of the book (and throughout all subsequents re-issues, even as the main narrative was altered and reworked), even claiming that a legal team had advised her to redact some names to avoid potential lawsuits. So, no, she's not doing a bit there.
When, after it made the rounds a few times, it became apparent that the claim didn't really make sense 📝🔍, reactions were mixed. Some older, diplomatic fans downplayed it as a somewhat embarrassing, but harmless self-mythologizing – similar in nature to her insistence on calling her electric keyboard a “harpsichord”. Devout EA apologists (commonly referred to as “bootlickers” in an increasingly polarized fandom – oh, don't worry, we're getting to that!) invoked the “life as performance art” defense: when she said it was literally her first name, she meant it metaphorically, duh! And either way, she probably had her reasons.
But others took offense at the boldness of the lie, or simply became curious. Was Liddell even her name at all?
If you've checked the link just above, you already know the answer. Per the public California birth log (a somewhat demented invasion of privacy that could well have been avoided by... not repeatedly drawing attention to a name that someone in the book calls “right out of a movie”?) : yes, no, kind of.
EA was born Emily Autumn Fischkopf* on September 22, 1977. The name came from her father, a first-generation immigrant from Germany. Her maternal grandmother's maiden name was Liddell (but no, not that Liddell, or so remotely that it doesn't matter). EA may have had it legally changed at some point in the last decade, but as of 2012, based on the public log of foreign visitors to Brazil (where she toured that year), her passport still bore the name “Emily Autumn Fischkopf”.
*No, EA's birth name is not literally “Fischkopf”. It's a non-silly German name that begins with an F. I know that it's ridiculous to clutch my pearls about EA's peace of mind now, but triggering new and disquieting Google alerts for a name she clearly wants nothing to do with (and that you don't care about) just feels... distasteful? I don't know. That info has been floating around long enough, the point has been made; this write-up is not about EA's last name, but about the fiends we made along the way! So Fischkopf it is.
Let's track the evolution here! It appears that she went by “Autumn Fischkopf” for at least part of her formative years, if we are to believe the credits from Mark Ruffalo's middling film debut 📺 (she was the child actor's violin-playing body double) and this random article about a Nigel Kennedy performance in 1997. 🔍 (That last link – possibly her first ever mention in the press? – is a niche favorite of mine. Violin superstar Nigel Kennedy calls her a “talented fiddler”, which suggests that she did have some cred and promise in the classical milieu at a young age, and that there is at least some truth to her claims of being a wunderkind. It also cracks me up that, out of all the things she's reiterated over the years, “I was born in '79” was a lie, but “I was attacked by a pet eel” was fact-checked by Nigel Kennedy.)
At some point in her late teens, she dropped the Teutonic surname and adopted the French ending of her given name (she made it a “LIE”! how poetic) to form the moniker “Emilie Autumn”. I assume that's also when she started privately going by Emilie / EA for short.
So there you have it. The damning evidence. A performing artist... changed her name. To her grandmother's name. Riveting stuff!
And to think that her fans could have carried on naively believing “Autumn” was her last name, or assuming it was a romantic nom de scène she picked during her Ren Fair phase. Or perhaps, even, not thinking much about her name at all, like normal people.
But nooo, she just had to poke the hornet's nest by making a whole thing out of it.

“MY ENTIRE FAMILY DIED IN A FIRE.”

If you've never encountered a method-acting con artist or a person who struggles with pathological lying (I'll let you decide for yourself which of these, if either, applies to EA), you probably believe that you'd spot them a mile away. And in my experience, that's exactly why you wouldn't! Whether it's compulsion or calculated strategy, successful fibbers rely on people's natural social cues (like their assumption of good faith, their confirmation bias, their empathy, their desire for validation, their fear of awkwardness, ...) to subtly direct the flow and tone of the conversation. This allows them to short-circuit potential questioning of their claims.
One such strategy, for instance, I call the “I-will-not-further-speak-about-the-incident maneuver”. Out of the blue, you drop a graphic and incisive one-liner about something horrific that happened to you, in a curt or flippant tone that throws the listener off and usually shuts them up – thus sparing you from having to back up your claim with any convincing specifics. I'm not saying that every person who does this is a liar. Horrific stuff does happen to people, and I'm not here to police how they're supposed to disclose it. I'm just saying that if you wanted to fabricate an obvious Tragic Backstory™ and smuggle it past otherwise rational, discerning and reasonably intelligent people, that would be one way to do it. Full disclosure: it does work better in person than it does over the internet, especially when you've kept a blog.
When EA curtly dropped this bomb on Twitter (in response to an innocuous fan question that mentioned her parents – the receipt has sadly been X'd out of existence), and every subsequent time a new fan found out about her family's tragic demise (“I had no idea!”), the response was typically one of shock and sadness – and, in a few heartbreaking cases, commiseration from other survivors of family-annihilating events.
Many fans already had a hunch that something was up with her family, of course. She hinted at neglect and possible abuse in her book and lyrics. A number of her fans also came from dysfunctional households, so her not wishing to elaborate on the topic would probably have been a non-issue. But now she's saying they're dead? All of them? In a FIRE?! Holy macaroni! And you know it must have been awful, because EA – the same woman who got a dozen bangers out of a three-month-long toxic relationship, and based over a decade of her work on one bad hospital stay – had never, not once, felt called to share a song or poem about how it might affect a person to... lose all of their entire immediate family to a fire. Hmm. Meanwhile, the handful of older fans who had been following her since Enchant and remembered her dad passing in 2004 gritted their teeth and rolled their eyes. “Do your research. That's all I can say.” (We'll get into the culture of censorship free speech regulation on the Asylum forum in due time.)
Before more and more embittered ex-fans started compiling and circulating the receipts in the early-mid-2010s, investigating the whole “dead family” thing was a lonely journey – a coming-of-age expedition for the critical-minded Plague Rat, trawling through free background check websites and old Wayback Machine archives, until you went “Welp, there it is, I guess” and suddenly felt older, stupider, and a little bit hollow inside.
Although I don't remember how I personally made my way to The Truth (lol) back in the day, I still have a vivid memory of the moment I found the Facebook profile of EA's Very Much Non-Deceased Mother. It was mostly posts about her costume design work. A few candid pictures with EA's siblings and their kids. Christmas, birthdays, a wedding. Just... aggressively normal stuff. It was bizarre, looking in on this family of cheerful strangers with familiar cheekbones. Knowing that, somewhere out there, was an estranged eldest daughter, who had run off years ago to become a fiddle-wielding rockstar – and was now passing them off as having all died a gruesome death, while her fans secretly stalked their family photos. (Because I know you'll be asking in the comments: yes, EA's family is aware. Her mother once posted a picture of young EA and her siblings on Pinterest, sarcastically captioned “After most of us were killed in the fire.” 📝)
Again, it's tempting to discount EA's remark as a metaphor for family estrangement, taken too literally by neurodivergent minors who just didn't understand performance art. Well. First of all, even as a metaphor... let's admit, once again, that that 2000s edginess has aged like fine milk. It's a little crass to make a “metaphor” out of a plausible, life-shattering trauma that other people actually have to live with. (Veronica lost a beloved house to a literal fire 🔍 during her tenure as a Crumpet, for instance; no one died, but that alone seemed pretty rough.)
But, more to the point, evidence suggests that EA also told this to real people in her real, off-stage life – such as her Trisol manager, who backed the claim on the official Asylum Forum in 2007. 📝 When questioned about this post on a renegade forum in 2013, he had this to say:
I was the fool in this case. EA made that up of course. It’s just one thing on a long list of things she made up. Let’s agree she’s very creative with facts if she wants people to believe a story. (...) I once had a short chat with [EA's mom] and I got the strong impression she wasn’t dead at the time. Haha.
(OK, dude, but did you or did you not sell fake EA tickets on a scammy website in 2008? Because we never did get the skinny on that.)
Fifteens years on, EA continues to insist, unprompted, that “the fire” destroyed her childhood drawings and baby pictures. 📝 This more recent Instagram post is like a Greatest Hits of her most notorious yarns, to a degree that's either premeditated trolling or a subconscious call for help. She casually, yet pointedly mentions her age in relation to a specific year... and specifically draws attention to the signature, one that she used well into the Enchant era. In doing so, she made me notice, for the first time, that the A blends into an F. As one could expect from an artsy, Renaissance-obsessed teenager, her OG signature was a freaking monogram for Emily Autumn Fischkopf. It's like “The Tell-Tale Heart” for the digital age! AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS?? 🦠

A BIT O' THIS & THAT: MISCELLANEOUS CLAIMS

Just for fun, here are other sundry “citation needed” facts that EA has claimed over the years. All are originally from the book unless sourced otherwise. Some of them may have been jokes, some of them might even be true! Whatever that word still means!

ELECTRIC VIOLIN: UNPLUGGED

You know how whenever a musician starts behaving obnoxiously, old sages will come down from Mount Wisdom to advise disgruntled fans to “simply ignore [behavior]” and “just focus on the music”? Well, in the Asylum, “just focusing on the music” won't always preserve you from EA's shenanigans. This “claim” is a little different, but I've decided to include it because it is so odd, emblematic, and ultimately tragic. I also count it as “biographical”, because it involves a key tenet of EA's character sheet: the violin.
Being a kickass fiddler is one of EA's trademarks, and has always been central to her narrative; as of 2024, “world-class violinist” is still the first claim to fame she lists in the “Story” section of her official website. Which beggars the question: why won't she play it? And why won't she acknowledge that she's not playing it?
We got our hopes up in 2020, with that one post 📝 about her iconic 1885 Gand & Bernardel getting refurbished by a luthier – a thoughtful birthday surprise from her boyfriend – but despite the promising “More to come...” at the end of the caption, that turned out to be a false alarm. In truth, it may well have been over a decade since anyone has witnessed EA draw a single note from her cherished instrument.
The fact that Lord Autumn was able to sneak it out during lockdown without the Lady noticing tends to confirm that she hadn't been playing much behind the scenes. She seems to be under the impression that e-violin manufacturer Zeta is no longer in business (they did close down in 2010 🔍, but reopened under new management in 2012), which suggests that she hasn't been keeping up with the violin scene for a while. Besides, the fingernails don't lie. 🐀
As the live shows veered more theatrical with the release of Opheliac, the extended violin features from the Enchant era were cut to two main appearances per concert: “Face the Wall”, a seven-minute-short, Hendrixesque take on Arcangelo Corelli's “La Folia” – and “Unlaced”, an arpeggio-ed frenzy that was originally paired with a stilt-walking and ballet performance by the Crumpets. These two instrumental tracks remained a fixture on four successive tours. And on four successive tours, “Unlaced” was... well... clearly dubbed. 📺 She was holding her e-violin, her hands were playing the notes, but what was coming out of the speakers was indubitably the studio version.
There were possible explanations, of course. Some sound buffs pointed out that “Unlaced” has multiple violin layers, and that a live violin solo would have sounded harsh and unbalanced over the supporting tracks 🔍 – but then, why pick an unplayable song as a staple of the show?
The violin-miming wasn't even very hush-hush, she didn't try that hard to hide it – it was just never addressed or acknowledged. On “Unlaced”, Veronica was usually summoned to “play” the keyboard – and we knew that was make-believe, they had a whole skit about it. 📺 Ditto when EA would play the intro to a song, then get up from the keyboard as she started singing, and the harpsichord track just kept going. It was part of the theatrics, the suspension of disbelief; live playing just wasn't the focus.
Still, because playing two songs should have been in her wheelhouse, EA's choice to stand on stage and mime along with her own world-class violin skills was puzzling. We knew EA was capable of playing “Unlaced”: “Face the Wall” was proof enough that she could still shred like nobody's business, and some lucky fans got to hear her nerd out about pitch standards and rock some Bach at VIP showcases in 2011 (though it was always the same piece, and reportedly not always on point: “she made beginner mistakes, like weird jaw, wrist, elbow placement and tension...” 🐀). And sure, “Face the Wall” was an intense piece, but... it was one of two in the show. The same two, always. She was supposed to be classically trained...!
As EA's fabrications became more common knowledge among the fanbase, people took increasing issue with this odd staging choice – particularly after “Face the Wall” was retired partway through the 2011 tour, leaving only the pantomime, with nothing else happening on stage to distract from it. 📺 People started fixating on her constant and inexplicable tweaking of the truth. Fake name, fake age, fake promises, and now she was fake-fiddling and making a grand show of it? Was she outright mocking her audience, daring them to call her out? Milking a skill she had grown bored with, in the lowest-effort way possible, knowing that goo-goo-eyed fans would still pay to see it? Playing them the world's saddest song on the world's quietest e-violin?
The release of new album Fight Like a Girl in 2012 did little to soothe the Plague Rats' fiddle blues. The violin was much less prominent on FLAG than it had been on Opheliac and Enchant. There were almost no solos, which provided fewer opportunities for playing or miming on stage. “Unlaced” was retired from the touring setlist. One night in Texas during the 2012 tour, due to being on vocal rest, EA played the melody line of “Liar” on the violin. 📺 And that was pretty much the last time world-class violinist Emilie Autumn was heard playing her instrument, on stage or in recording – to the dismay of many fans who had loved her for it.
Can someone please grab this woman by her hand, lead her across her livingroom/bedroom/study, and point at that lonely forgotten dusty violin in a corner of hers so she remembers that she actually owns it? (🐀)
It was yet another bizarre, glaring inconsistency in EA's narrative that fans seemed expected to ignore. Another elephant in the padded room. (Personal anecdote that I don't have a receipt for: in early 2012, when I asked if there was a possibility of EA playing another baroque set for the VIP events on the upcoming tour, her then-manager responded that that wouldn't be possible because venues didn't have the proper acoustics.)
Through some her posts over the years , attentive fans pieced together the likely truth of EA's effective retirement as a violinist. It's actually quite sad, and may cast a different light on EA's artistic shift.
The 2011 tour was initially scheduled for late 2010. It was postponed because EA had been neglecting a jaw injury for years, and needed emergency surgery to avoid “serious and irreversible damage” to her one violin-holding jaw. 📝 She had the surgery early in September; in late November, she performed all over Latin America for six nights straight, and by January, she was back on tour. The same tour during which she made “beginner's mistakes” on the Bach partita, and retired “Face the Wall” for good after a few shows.
She underwent jaw surgery again in 2018, after three years of orthodontic treatment which she said had “prevented [her] from performing”. It was the first anyone was hearing of this (she said she hadn't been touring because she was writing the musical!), and it's as far as EA ever got in terms of half-addressing the obvious: that after dedicating a third of her time on Earth to her craft, after years of pushing through the pain night after night, rushing through recovery periods, and making compromises so the show could go on... she may not be physically able to play concert-level violin anymore.
Once again, something that should (and would) have elicited empathy and support from most fans turned into a point of frustration, speculation and mockery, for years – because EA continued to favor pretend-play and fantasy over the sobering, unglamorous truth. Well, at least everyone's unhappy.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS


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2024.05.04 03:52 Brilliant_Code2522 I attended a satanic mass today: some thoughts

Some background: I am a typical christian. My friend is a hardcore leftist LGBTQIA Satanist. Recently, she agreed to attend a christian mass for one week if I also agree to attend a satanic mass for one week. So thats what we did. Spoiler alert: none of us burned into flames after stepping into each other’s place of worship. In fact it was a good learning opportunity for both of us.
Christian Mass:
If you are in this sub, you probably know what happens during mass so I will not elaborate further. Obviously my friend was clueless AF and didn’t know any of the mass responses or when to sit/stand/kneel, but otherwise the mass was relatively uneventful. During the Asperges, some drops of holy water landed on her satanic amulet but the amulet survived intact so I guess thats a W for Satan.
After the mass she had some questions so I explained to her about the art/statues in the church and she lit a candle for St Michael because she thought he looked cool. Overall I think she had a good time and she is open to attending mass again in the future.
Satanic Mass:
This is the part of this post that should be new to most readers of this sub, so I will elaborate on my experience in more detail. The Satanic mass took place on a friday evening in a plain-looking rented multi-purpose hall with normal seats for the audience and a plain mic+screen setup for the priestess. There were no visible signs, art or decoration anywhere that hinted at Satanism. All the participants wore typical everywhere clothes but with some of them wore satanic amulets/trinkets/jewellery that look normal at first glance unless you really pay attention and know what to look for.
The satanic mass began with some songs. The songs were performed with guitadrums and lyrics flashed on the screen. The songs were a mix of parody lyrics (e.g. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound” became “Amazing D***, how sweet the c**”) and generic songs about love.
After the songs ended, the priestess went on stage and gave a short sermon for about 10-15 minutes about being nice to your neighbours. Satan was mentioned once or twice but in a vague way. If you replace “Satan” with “God”, the sermon would basically be the same.
After the sermon ended, there was a 30 minute group discussion where the participants were broken up into small groups to read a war poem written by a Palestinian refugee. The group discussion was actually surprisingly in-depth because one of the participants in my group was a Literature professor so he really knew his stuff. Another participant was abused by her ex-husband so she shared about her experiences and I actually cried a little at her sharing.
After the group discussion, everyone went back to their usual seats and the prayers to Satan started. The prayers were led by the chief priestess and some of the senior satanists seated in the front row. Most of the prayers were quite standard (If you replace “Satan” with “God”, the prayer would basically be the same). But there were also some prayers where the chief priestess would speak in a strange language and start shaking uncontrollably while the audience would start making excited noises in response. At the end of the session, the chief priestess said a prayer over a basket (shaped a bit like a baby’s crib) and the crib was passed around the congregation, who began taking items out of the crib. When it was my turn, I saw that the crib consisted of some strange looking pills and some individually-packed disposable wipes. I thought that the pills looked suspicious but I didn’t want to be rude so I took home a few packets of disposable wipes instead.
Concluding thoughts
I don’t know… I have some mixed feelings about this one. For sure it is good that my satanist friend was interested in church and is willing to attend again in future, especially on some of the more exciting feast days like the upcoming Corpus Christi procession at our parish.
On the other hand I kind of feel a bit disturbed by how much I enjoyed the Satanic mass. In the past, I had in mind the Hollywood stereotype that satanism would be dark and evil and consist of literal child sacrifice to Moloch. But in reality it turns out that most Satanists are really nice people and the Satanic mass was quite normal-looking. Even the chief priestess wore normal clothes and smelled nice. As mentioned above, I actually cried a little bit during the group discussion because of the extremely touching personal story shared by one of the other participants.
Obviously as a christian I know that Satanism is wrong so Im not going to convert anytime soon. But still the experience has been very thought provoking. Satanism is obviously wrong but I now realise that Satanists can be good people in spite of their wrong beliefs. As the bible tells us, even Satanists are made in the image of God.
edit: During the Satanic mass I was abit confused why it was held on a friday evening. But now after thinking about it, Jesus was crucified on a friday so I guess the day of the week was chosen to celebrate the death of Jesus. The evening timeslot is probably just for convenience since even Satanists have day jobs. Okay now I am starting to think that the Satanists are not really good people after all.
submitted by Brilliant_Code2522 to Christianity [link] [comments]


2024.05.03 10:28 zaddar1 its not just a male world and neither is it just a female world

lyrics
without music
are shallow
and need the depths the emotional traverse of music provides
which is why good poetry is rare
with its need
to
provide
its
own
traverse
.
lyrics
without music
are shallow
and need the depth of the emotional traverse music provides
which is why good poetry is rare
with its need
to
provide
its
own
traverse
you know russia has a bullshit violence culture when you see this sort of nonsense
its really the promotion of intimidation by a state protected class
words jumbled together
obscure
incomprehensible
because
obscure
incomprehensible
too many miles away
to
ever write well
i am afraid
i wouldn't say they try
spew might be more like it
whimsical writing
outreaches
and outlasts
philosophy
where we are
and where we're not
can lead to confusion
because we are
where we're not
so many ideas in politics and the public arena are full of contradictions, childish/ low reading age in fact
for most of china's history they had a highly sophisticated in literary terms administrative class, zen in effect is a literary invention to cater to this class (powerful and wealthy) and as part of this process, draws heavily on daoist tropes like the reclusive sage
"Chan authors borrowed a set of well-established tropes from Daoism—and several from Confucianism too—in order to present more captivating fantasies that detailed the manner in which certain contemporaneous men had supposedly inherited final Buddhist authority"
some lines from a letter of emily dickenson to a friend, written as a comment on a funeral her mother had attended and described to emily :
life is death we’re lengthy at,
death the hinge to life.
my reply :
if death’s a hinge
what does it swing ?
or some window open
or cupboard interior expose ?
a gilles deleuze quote
“ creativity is an act of resistance ”
he states that political and social control is exercised through various forms of communication whereas art is (or should be) alien to this blinding; it should be a creative act with no or differently sourced information (or, at least, with counter-information), an act of resistance in which words (or shapes) rise into the air while their subject matter goes underground; a shape-shifting act that eludes control, an irrepressible gesture ”
this rings so many bells, the openness to embrace the new is so rare and the oppression of the nazis of mediocrity is not
ludwig wittgenstein’s most famous quote
whereof we cannot speak, we must remain silent
my reply:
of what we cannot speak, we can learn to speak
its not just a male world and neither is it just a female world
yet
each half
of the world
acts like it is
what slips between the gaps
is
something
else
ice flows not
but cracks
the adaption of water
trickles, rivulets, streams, rivers
and
the
sea
instants fall
but
the more sustained
is necessary
a rather intense harpist
j. s. bach - toccata and fugue in d minor
look at the fingers
today’s world
a multitude of ills
addressable by medicine
how unlike the past
when people just plain out died
or were invalid
for years
the emptiness of a still night
moonlight like frost and its shadows
the sky and earth
so vast
neither nothing or something
life
same actors
different roles
.
life
different actors
same roles
talk
without doing
without experience
without skill
we all know the problems with this
don’t we ?
the problems with the covid mRNA vaccines are not going away, sherif sultan, professor of vascular & endovascular surgery national university of ireland discusses the many issues
the professor is not so clear in his speech, you can stop the video to freeze the frame at various points to read about what he is discussing
basically a healthy population was sacrificed for a benefit for the medically frail, the fallout is going to roll on for decades, an increased cancer rate from the boosters is something to show on longer time scales, cardiovascular problems are much more immediate
more discussion by sherif, this stuff is really quite scary, i recommend watching the entire videos
traces
things that have happened
encountered again
much later
.
traces
things that have happened
encountered again
later
his coat so thin
"right" and "wrong" can only be judged by "consequences", that is harm and benefit and the alienating or empathizing of different viewpoints that is you end up with a bunch of ontological conditions to create any meaningful tableaux
then you can toss in the inversion of intention and effect whereby what happens as a result of an action is opposite to what was thought would happen so i would say "right and wrong" are not absolutes but the usual ontologies dependent on context and in the sphere of religion constructive as to their being whereas a more philosophical examination would deconstruct
i think "zen" here is ambiguous here because it sorta straddles being between a religion and philosophy and this is reflected in the constant discussions in zen about right and wrong whereas other religions are much more black and white in this area, well certainly christianity and islam, buddhism is more cryptic
these coincidences actually reflect the physics of a "fine tuned universe", that is, a universe stable enough and yet with enough gradients to enable life to develop and so we can observe our and the universe’s existence
the interesting thing is that clearly other universes must necessarily exist as our universe is in a sense a choice and the nature of choosing involves objects to choose from
philosophically speaking the quiescent state is being rather than non-being, so john 1:1 got that right, "in the beginning was the word"
unattached women
get caught
in the circular trap
of seeking attachment
forever
the "five ranks"
a religious ontology
as fantastical as the trinity
not even a bus stop
on a long journey
my computer system is about eight years old and one of the reasons i attribute to it lasting so well is a noctua cpu cooler, however recently i replaced the fan and changed the bios fan speed temperature profile to in effect constantly moving the speed which also unfortunately seemed to hit some vibration resonance spots
what surprised me is that with this new configuration that i got a couple of crashes which i can only attribute to the fan vibration modulating pin resistance on the cpu, i changed the profile back to a mostly constant speed and no more problems as well as being quieter
another reason it has lasted so well is samsung ssds with policies enabling write caching and turning off the windows write cache buffer flushing (you need a UPS to do this)
repeating nonsense
they flatter themselves
that
somehow
they
are
not
nonsense
a poem by fushan translated by suru :
in a hidden retreat, a rocky spring flows clear like my heart
birds spontaneously sing, blossoms freely bloom
i sight the mountains and rivers, the land's native character
what thing is not the tathāgata before my eyes ?
幽棲泉石暢心懷鳥自啼兮花自開看見山河國土性眼前何物不如來
my reworking of it:
my hermitage
a clear creek flows nearby
getting water is easy
and one loses oneself
in the distant views
the world is more open than we think
a superb study/paper , that clarifies how zen works and has worked, he is right on the nail imo, on the nail enough for the "zen establishment" to try to sweep it under the carpet
interestingly the new testament has the same sort of origin in literary sophisticates and we actually see it today in "fan fiction"
zen and christianity have this in common, very sophisticated literary skills used in a rather cunning and malevolent way (the intention is to deceive) creating the primary texts
you can argue the same for buddhism and islam and to an extent, judaism
a fascinating insight as to why "stalinism" worked and the gerontocracy under brezhnev led to the later collapse of the soviet union
a road is created with every step
cat genes
spread everywhere
they look pretty much the same
virginia woolf didn’t like james joyce’s book "ulysses"
personally i have never bothered to read more than several pages, i don’t know why it is held up as such an icon of writing
there’s a road forwards
you don’t have to take it
stalin
versus
charlie and eddie richardson, the kray brothers
violence
in scale that dwarfs
yet josef
personally was not a violent man
the cool edge of intellectual reasoning
more murderous than any tumult
of emotion
superyachts
you have to be wealthy
to bleed money
that
way
maintenance
running costs
lawsuits
accidents
big bickies
all
the
time
what arises
decays
and
so
on
without end
stand
outside this
if you can
too much concern and attention can lead to bad decisions
chinese saying
this is so weird, a very conventional soap opera along western lines when japan was at war in china and on the eve of its involvement in WW2
they even re-released a shortened version in 1947 like nothing had happened before
more than most countries i think japan brushed the imperial disaster under the cultural carpet and the generational memory has been lost
the notion of "robot", is, i think generalizable to cover a difficult aspect of reality, a sort of being "carried" in an unreal way with , however a lack of clarifying interaction whereby we start to see things in a false sense, this short video story illustrates the concept well
another good japanese film
the widow
broken brains
the sadness
and danger
and
sanity
of the return
of
the balance
of reality
one of the anomalies of the holocaust was africans in germany were not discriminated against at all, i have read several accounts of this, one from a woman who did get a visit from the gestapo, but that was because of her association with a rudolph steiner school, her brother worked for all the war in the german merchant marine as a cook
hitler himself had a very strong friendship with a young half jewish girl which he was forced to give up by his nazi associates that he complained bitterly about
actors, actresses and alcoholism .. i was thinking its a fundamentally depressed occupation, they are in effect robots for the directors and scriptwriters
unbelievable !
anterograde
amnesia
our condition
as human
unfortunately
words
can mean anything
but beware
of moving too far
from the common public understanding
who says aging can’t be reversed ?
when moon-light is white
and not yellow
ed. before my cataract operations the moon was a yellow colour, but after the operation it became white, interestingly, lens replacement is supposed to help considerably slow age related cognitive decline
“ researchers found that participants who underwent cataract removal surgery had nearly 30% lower risk of developing dementia compared with participants without surgery, even after controlling for numerous additional demographic and health risks ”
robots
not us
not of our species
constrained
not to match
our projections
nobody dies
they leave
this unlikely co-incidence
of
us
being
together
submitted by zaddar1 to zen_mystical [link] [comments]


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