Just for a quick backstory I (23F) have been interested in my best friend's uncle (27M) since I was 12. I met her uncle when I was 12. He's your average athletic guy. Fit, funny, good looking. We bonded over music. He told me stories of his past. He'd even help me study french when I needed help on my homework One night I went to my best friend's house. Unaware that she wasn't at home, but he was there. So we began to talk eventually I confessed my feelings for him. He was shocked. But then my best friend came So we exchanged instagrams. Decided to continue our conversation afterwards. Later that night he texted me asking so many questions on when did I have a crush on him, why I had a crush on him. I told him everything and eventually he confessed that he too felt the same way but it was wrong due to a bunch of complications. We'd still continue to talk but within two weeks of texting back and forth, we decided to make it official Although we agreed to keep it a secret. It felt so right he is special it killed having to pretending to either be single or date another guy. After he and I were together for 7 months I asked him if we could get a more physically involved he told me no since i was too young by this time i was already 13.
I felt I had made to relationship a bit awkward so i distanced myself a bit and would only speak to me bsf and try to ignore him. I remember so clearly how upset he was he'd nonstop text or call and when I'd go over he'd try and talk my bsf eventually noticed and told me to be careful her mom walked in and overheard our conversation telling me the same thing. Later on her mom asked her to help her with something so I sat on rocking chair sofa and i see the door open and he walks in I greeted him and he just walked past i couldn't say i was surprised after all I was avoiding him first but he stopped at the doorway of the kitchen walked back and i a low tone he was scolding me so a talked back and we had our first argument I knew i was in the wrong so in mid sentence i put my arms around his neck and kissed him he put his arms around waist and pull away from the kiss to tell me how much he missed me and he had a surprise since he knew i was coming we then heard my bsf and her mom coming so he went back outside and sat back down and acted like nothing had happened.
2 months after I turned 15 we almost got caught doing it on her sister's bed Which he was where he was sleeping at the time I felt happy. Our relationship lasted for 4 years. One day in the morning when I woke I saw a message from him, I felt nauseous. He said he was sorry, but he had to leave, so he broke up with me over text, he said he really wished He could've stayed but It didn't feel right. He didn't want to hide who he was with. He said that being with me would only hurt both of us, I was so depressed, I'd constantly cry couldn't get over it And I couldn't tell my best friend.
(So now where i really need help) I recently went to my bestfriend's new house. I was invited to her mother's birthday party. And as a surprise, her uncle came, and we saw each other again. We catched up a bit and just talked from time to time. My best friend would look at us. Make faces, so I tried my best to avoid him after a while. When I'd look at him, he was talking to a girl I did not recognize I assumed that was his plus 1 or something, so I ended up drinking. Eventually I was drunk to a point that I couldn't walk my best friend's mom told the uncle (her cousin) to take me to her room So I could rest a bit. My best friend came along with us. I could hear them discussing about how she suspected that I had a crush on him or if there is something going on to quit it, he kept denying everything so she warned him that she would be keeping an eye on him. Her mom called her so she had to go, When she left the room, I stood up, but he told me to lay down and rest. And I started crying. He comforted me and I told them I was upset, and he explained that the girl who he was talking to was his sister.
I felt like an idiot. He then told me that it was cute how i was jealous in the heat of the moment we kissed and did it again. He then proceeded to tell me how much he missed me. how he never forgot me and that I'm still very special to him.He asked to be in a relationship again but I don't know? I feel guilty. Having to hide it from my bestfriend . I'm scared of what she'll do or say when she finds out What do I do? I have no idea?So what I wanna know is AITA for not telling my bestfriend about her uncle and I?.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

Happened back on sunday, a few days before a friend asked me to record a radio show for him, a three hour show dedicated to Tony Hancocks 100th birthday (who you might know for The Radio Ham) on Radio 4Extra.
Sure, as a radio ham myself i have access to lots of toys for recording radio activity, since this show was on 4Extra, and 4Extra was only broadcast on DAB i decided to use my SDR, just a black box that lets you receive radio on your computer.
It's worth noting here that my SDR has problems, mainly due to the USB cable, which today i learned was actually rusting, the subtlest bump would cause it to disconnect, and the SDR software doesn't handle surprise disconnects very well, forces you to restart, the other problem is the data rate sometimes slows to a crawl, the computer still talks to the SDR but the data from the aerial starts coming across in short bursts like every 10 seconds.
I did consider the possibility of this happening during the show but i thought it was minimal because the computer wasn't going to be disturbed, i get everything up and running on the day, the SDR tuned to the correct DAB multiplex, piped into a DAB demodulator whose output is being recorded by audacity.
All good, i turn up the sound on my headphones and walk away.
An hour or two later i decide to check on it, as i walk into the room i don't hear any sound but i don't register this, when i saw the screen my heart sank.
There was no sound, the spectrum scope was stopped and the waterfall (a visual representation of radio waves like an audio spectrogram) was smeared into vertical lines, a DAB multiplex should appear as a block of static.
It turned out about an hour in the SDR decided it would do the problem described earlier, the data output from the SDR had slown way down so the DAB demodulator wasn't getting any meaningful information anymore, i quickly restarted it and let it record the rest of the show.
A few hours later i stopped it and sent the recording, next day the conversation went like this
"Did you listen to the recording?"
"Yes"
"How far are you in? you might not be happy by an hour in"
"Yea i wasn't happy by an hour in, i was wondering where tony hancock went and it turned out i was listening to a totally different show"
I explained the problem and how the sound activated recording in audacity cut the recording so perfectly you could barely realize you suddenly skipped ahead like an hour, if you listened carefully you could hear the demodulator trying to decode some meaningful audio in the form of a digital screech.
In the end we laughed it off because i managed to lose the lost episode, i ended up buying a new USB cable for my SDR that came today and i clipped two ferrites to it just in case it was an interferance problem aswell, hopefully that fixes it, i found out the old USB cable had actually gone rusty when i swapped it out.
TL;DR: A crappy rusty USB cable caused me to fail in my duties as a radio ham to record a radio show for a friend.

Hi! I was hoping to have some advice on what headphones people are using? My headphones are begining to crumble so need to start looking for some new ones so I don't get overwhelmed on my commutes and daily life. It would be great if you have any reccomendations that have good sound, can fit over ears fully (as can make me uncomfortable when it doesn't cover all of it), sound reducing or cancelling too. Im currently using marshall headphones but they aren't the best, but get the job done. Happy to invest if anyone has had some really good ones if they last also. Thanks for all your help in advance also

Logged onto indeed to search for candidates.
Went to message candidates, and all of my templates are gone. There’s no drop down functionality.
Start toying with it…ok technically not gone. But if you go to the drop-down, you can’t see your templates. So if you don’t recall the wording, they’re all gone. It used to be just a drop-down list.
The best part is, when you call customer service, it says they’re away on training. What a joke…
Indeed is turning into total trash.

My fantasy RPG, https://johnlamping.itch.io/epic-power, is ready for more extensive playtesting. (It's had 5 years of development and 500 hours of playtesting, but primarily with just one group. And I've turned one arc we played into a tutorial module, good for about a dozen sessions) What is the best way to find playtesters? Is anybody here interested?
The pitch:
Epic Power is a fantasy TTRPG system that allows you the freedom to build and play the character you want while simultaneously providing the rules to structure the game.
Each action can be accomplished in many ways, because when a character acts, they choose both the action, and how to spend epic power to make it better. With their epic power, a hero can accomplish feats that would be impossible, even for a highly skilled character.
Of course, character creation is open ended, not boxed in by classes and levels. A player chooses what broad disciplines their character is good at, what skills in those or other disciplines they further focus on, and additional ways they can use their epic power. From there, character progression is similarly open ended; a character can head in any direction the player wants.
Epic Power is a system where you can do what you want, how you want, as cool as you want, while still having the rules to govern your game.

Fuddruckers is my favorite restaurant - ever. Their burger & fries were my go-to meal. Unfortunately, the chain has been in a death spiral for the last couple decades, and now the end seems very near. I'm trying to reverse-engineer their burger and fries to cook them myself at home.
Regarding the buns, I don't want to invest the time and effort trying to bake homemade buns, unfortunately there are no stand-alone bakeries in my area that even bake "normal" hamburger buns, and the supermarket-baked buns are undersized and nothing special IMO. So, I'm wondering what commercial buns come the closest to the size and taste of Fuddruckers buns? I haven't done a thorough search of local supermarkets to evaluate all the options, but the best candidate I've stumbled across so far are Bunny Deluxe Buns.
There's a Facebook post from the Fuddruckers in Bahrain that says they use "USDA Choice beef ground fresh". The question then is what cut of USDA Choice beef? Sirloin? Chuck? Round? Some blend?
A guy over at the TopSecretRecipes website claims to have figured out a recipe that Fuddruckers uses for seasoning their burgers, and I have seen several people on various forums (including this one) post that recipe as what they use (or even link to it) for seasoning both the burgers AND fries, and swear they taste just like Fuddruckers. So, it seems like the seasoning aspect of the puzzle has been solved.
As for their fantastic wedge-cut fries, a Fuddruckers manager that knew me as a customer for a decade told me they fry them in Canola oil. I'm pretty sure they cut their own potatoes fresh on site, but the question is whether they just fry them straight from the cutting board the way In-N-Out Burger does (I think their fries are WAY overrated), or are there the kinds of intermediate steps that "do it yourself fries" online recipes recommend, such as soaking them in ice-water to remove starch and/or pre-cooking them (either first frying them at low heat or first par-boiling them in water) before freezing them. I've read that contrary to intuition, fries actually fry better when frozen than fresh - I presume because it lengthens the time it takes to cook the interior, while the exterior gets more crispy in the meantime.

F31
Ive been trying for about 4 years now to get evaluated for autism, I’ve suspected it longer than that but that’s just when I was able to get on Medicaid and started seeing a pcp.
I’ve been referred to two different psychiatrists and the first one didn’t know much about autism and he claimed he couldn’t dx me bc he only had access to pediatric criteria. The second psychiatrist refused to evaluate me because I had cannabis use disorder, and wanted me to be clean for several months and referred me to a substance abuse counselor, which I was not interested in at the time.
I was so discouraged and turned to Reddit and someone who said they’re a psychiatrist said that they’d refuse to dx adhd with cannabis use disorder but there shouldn’t have been an issue to dx autism, nonetheless I asked far and wide to other adults who were late dxed and they all said they saw a neuropsychologist and weren’t asked about their cannabis use. They also all said their evaluation costed anywhere from $1000-$5000 and that was so discouraging to hear. I have about $10 to my name, and I felt so much disappointment that it seemed like only privileged people could access proper care.
A few months later, I have been 2 weeks off of cannabis so far, and at my last check up I had asked my pcp for yet another referral, specifically for a neuropsychologist, and finally I got the voicemail that my referral went thru. I just got off the phone with them, and the best news of it all is that my evaluation will be covered by my Medicaid! I am so happy that things are finally falling into place for me.
I’m aware I may not end up dxed as autistic but I’m confident they will get to the bottom of my prolonged difficulties that have been swept under the rug for far too long. I just wanted to celebrate this long time coming small success with you guys because this community has helped me so much to not feel so alien in this world ❤️

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/4b31H5H

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It's been almost two years since we became friends. I used to enjoy spending time with her, and her jokes always made me laugh. Lately, though, she's been using me as the butt of her jokes. Even in front of others, she'll poke fun at things I say, and when I tell her it's too much, she just brushes it off as a joke. Every time we talk, she gets upset if we don't see eye-to-eye on something. Yesterday, we got into an argument, and for the first time, I decided I wouldn't be the one to reach out unless she did first. But she didn't. She didn't even wish me a happy birthday today, even though it's my birthday. It feels like I'm the only one putting effort into our friendship. I'm tired of trying to keep it going all by myself.

For context, I’m a 25yo female, that comes from a mixed background (my mother 56F is a white woman from Italy, my father is from the Balkans and migrated to my country when he was younger). This is relevant and you will understand later.
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about “immigrants coming to our country” and jadajadajada. The government is right wing. So yeah, being racist is almost the norm, unfortunately.
I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
then she continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
I don’t really know how to handle this. And I’m also just venting and need some support. I wished we could all act as adults, respect each other, have a normal relationship. Am I asking for too much?!
Any advice is highly appreciated.
I’ll be stuck in her house for the next two days and I’ll leave on Thursday. I want her to think about her actions and realize where she did wrong before I leave. I don’t wanna put this under the carpet cause it’s unacceptable and will never forget it.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin and his religion. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and at the same time she plays the victim and claims she lost me the moment I moved abroad and I don’t care about her even if we talk everyday. I wished there was a way to behave like adults. Advices on setting boundaries?

Long time lurker, first time poster here!
I’ve decided to reach out for advice here as I’m in between therapy appointments and don’t have anyone outside my family who has familiarity with this situation.
For context, I (27m) have lived with my amazing fiancé (27m) outside of my family’s house for about 2 years now.
I grew up with an alcoholic/addict father, who was in and out of recovery for most of my life. He’s doing OK now, however, my mother has become the alcoholic. Growing up, my mother was constantly trying to manage my father’s addiction, and has become very insecure and controlling. Over the past 5 years, my mother has began drinking heavily, which leads her to lash out at everyone in the family household. She has hit me, screamed at me, treated me horribly to the point where police have been called. Our relationship has only survived due to me moving out (an uphill battle in itself) and myself being diagnosed with CPTSD and finding a great therapist. Currently working on boundaries.
They all live together - my mother, father, grandmother, and my brother with his wife and 2 children. My brother hates my mom, and has told me so on many occasions - he says the only reason he lives there is because they are wrapped up in the mortgage. My mother has amassed debt due to online gambling, which is stressing them out. I’ve been doing my best to stop placing peacemaker and focus on my own life.
However, I often have to return for family events like weddings and birthdays (despite my mom wanting me to be there every weekend). I love seeing my grandmother and my niece and nephew, who I love as if they were my own kids, however I feel very sad when I go. My mother will get the children to grab her beers while she gambles, my cousins will say inappropriate things and “trick” the kids because they think it’s funny, and everyone is depressed because of my mother’s negative influence. Honestly, I’m the only one who is going to therapy and lives away from the house.
The problem is, I’m finding when I’m not even there, I worry immensely about my other family members - especially my niece and nephew who are still under 10 years old. I worry about what’s being said around them, if they’re seeing anything traumatizing, if my mom is making people anxious and sad. I trust their parents to a degree, but I’ve often seen them just let the kids wander around the house four hours with no supervision. Sometimes it feels like I wish I could just be their parent to make sure they have a happy and healthy environment.
Has anyone else felt this way when not living at home, and if so, what helped you move past it? I keep telling myself I’m not their parent, and sometimes I feel like maybe I’m trying to protect them in a way I never felt protected as a kid.
TL;DR: Living away from the family but still feeling the need to make sure everything is under control and the kids are looked after. Any advice?

So my boyfriend had an ex fuck buddy about 3-4 years ago and they haven’t really talked much since then. Now she is a family friend on his side so she does go to like family or friend parties every now and then. He doesn’t like me to go if she is there because he says i will start drama which i haven’t done at any parties but ok i guess. But at the parties he doesn’t talk to her and has blocked her on instagram. Recently though she messaged and added him on Facebook and she asked him why he doesn’t talk to her and etc. he said it’s because she talks to his best friend. Now she says that she hates that she can’t talk to by boyfriend because “he gets hate for it” refereeing to be tripping about them communicating and my boyfriend tells her it’s ok to talk to him because i don’t trip about it as much as i used to…i felt like that wasn’t necessary to tell this woman and I’ve read their messages and nothing suspicious has come about but i feel like just even entertaining this woman is a red flag. He said there’s nothing going on but this was the woman he did have a threesome with when he cheated on me so by nature i have doubts. He tells me that she the ones who messages and etc and she told me herself that she isn’t going anywhere…and was like happy that i wasn’t going to trip on them talking like girl ok..i just don’t think you should be talking to past fuck buddies if you have a girlfriend and he called me insecure for it, should i just ditch the relationship or am i being crazy . He says i can read the messages of them but idk why he would have her blocked on instagram but accept her request on Facebook..that doesn’t even make sense.

I'm a student using a copy of Maya provided by my college. Two weeks ago, using my provided Maya 2024, I discovered a problem during my Animation class. I set made sure to select all the models in the animation, set the keyframe (using Ctrl+S), moved the time slider, adjusted my model, set the next keyframe, and repeated. After the 4th repeat, I moved the timeslider back to view the animation's progress, only to discover there was no animation at all. Every previous keyframe now matched the last keyframe I had set.

I have since downloaded and tried this on 5-8 different Maya character rigs since, have uninstalled and reinstalled to Maya 2025, all with the same or similar issues every time. There have been no error messages or warnings other than some (not all) of the models getting an "Unsupported Nodes" warning at initial loading. I am now behind by an assignment because of this issue, preventing me from doing any work for that class. Every search online only resulted in basic beginer "How to set a keyframe" results, which are not helpful at all.
Has anyone heard of or encountered this problem before? Does anyone have any idea what is causing this? I'm posting a recording of my working on an animation (at 2x speed) that shows the probleom at the end. I'm hoping the whole issue is just something simple and dumb on my part.

I tried doing something like this years ago, but didn't get very far with it. I'm going to try again.
I want to put together a comprehensive list of trigger warnings for Hobb's work, including ROTE, Soldier Son, Megan Lindholm works, etc.
This subreddit has been growing and there have been a lot of new readers, and the issue of triggering events comes up frequently (most frequently after someone reads Ship of Destiny, for obvious reasons).
It's a difficult discussion to properly spoiler mark, because often people haven't read any of her work - or have only read some part of it - and they need information about which passages to avoid, or more broadly, about what to expect in various books or series. Marking it 'no spoilers' isn't accurate as many people who aren't concerned about trigger warnings feel spoiled when they read about some of these topics.
It would be really nice if I could send readers who are concerned about triggers to a reference that gathers all of these events and moments together in one place - separate from the usual discussions in the subreddit.
From my previous post about this topic, here's the sort of form such a guide might take:

Ship of Destiny
Chapter 26 - Graphic rape scene. The entire chapter builds up to and focuses on this.
Chapter 29 - Rape victim treated with suspicion. The entire chapter focuses on this.
Chapter 30 - Rapist reflects on his actions. Safe until the line starting Kennit's POV, "KENNIT WATCHED THE APPROACH OF THE SMALL BOAT FROM THE MOTLEY" skip through to Malta's POV line, "HEART IN MOUTH, MALTA STARED UP AT THE SHIP’S RAILING." The rest of that chapter is safe to read and contains some important events that shouldn't be skipped.

To that end, I'm going to ask everyone to share events and moments in Hobb's work that they feel would be triggering. And by triggering I mean PTSD triggers, not 'fear of heights' or 'claustrophobia' or things like that. Let's try to narrow it down to truly traumatic moments that would be potentially harmful to survivors. Examples include sexual assault, suicidality, torture, cannibalism, child abuse, animal abuse, domestic abuse, etc.
When replying please use the following format (or something similar):

• Event: Starling's rape anecdote
• Book: Assassin's Quest
• Details if you have them (chapter number, opening and closing text such as in the Ship of Destiny example above, etc.)

I really appreciate any help you can provide. This will be very useful to the readers who need it.

IMPORTANT NOTE:

This post is for those who have been affected by triggers in the books, and those who want to help constructively with this project. If you think you're going to come in here and get in your 2 cents about how 'fragile' some people are, or about how foolish it is to worry about triggers, think again. I will have zero tolerance for such comments and they will be removed. Serious offenses may result in a temporary or permanent ban from this subreddit.
If you've had the sort of life that gave you the luxury of viewing such things as foolish, I am genuinely happy for you. You should be aware that many people haven't been so fortunate. How you view such people (who have been victims of serious crimes) reveals a lot about who you are as a person and nothing at all about them, so it's in your best interest to develop a compassionate outlook. Further reading.

It goes without saying, but the discussion this post generates will be potentially triggering.

This all happened last summer shortly after my paternal grandmother died, and I’ve just managed to get everything in order for the judgement of internet strangers. I did my best to provide context were I could.
TL;DR: We found out we have a half sister after our grandmother died and after we were done dealing with a variety of family issues. The Half-sister contacted us against the wishes of our dad and late grandmother. Due to a variety of reasons, we made the family decision to have nothing to do with her.
So for context:
My dad emigrated from Mexico to California with his family to look for work. He and my mom were childhood sweethearts but they were not together when he left Mexico for California. This is confirmed by my parents and my uncles.
While in California, my dad met this woman and they messed around a little bit. He says it wasn’t that serious of a relationship. He was young, got drunk often and she was young and pretty. I believe my dad was in his early twenties as was this girl if my math is right. This girl was also a known flirt and slept around a lot. Naturally, she gets pregnant and claims its my dad’s. He doesn’t believe her despite her insisting its his baby so he dips.
(Based on the info from my dad, and what my sister could gather, my dad was the only one with a stable job so we think she was trying to baby trap him. I’m not trying to make excuses, my dad isnt perfect but he’s honest and loves my mom).
My dad’s family, especially his sister, did NOT like this lady at all due to the aforementioned sleeping around so she helps him get to texas. My mom had just emigrated as well and my dad wanted to be with my mom. So he leaves this girl. Baby Momma threatened with child support, or that she would abort the baby if he left which pissed my dad off. When you’re mexican and catholic, threatening an abortion is a no no. So he leaves her, meets back up with my mom, married her, and I come along. We hear nothing of them for a while and its not like the lady couldnt track him down.
Flashforward to a few years. My mom gets a call from BM’s brother where he yells at her and my dad calling him a piece of shit for leaving BM and the baby. My dad ended up taking the phone and said again, the baby isnt his, and that he wants nothing to do with them and to never contact his family again. My mom was then aware of the other girl and she was mad, but again, they weren’t together and my dad was young drunk and stupid. So they push it down, ignore it, move on and forget.
Then my grandmother died. She knew about the other girl and she believes that it is my dad’s. My grandma would travel between our house and my uncles in california where she would meet with the other girl. Everyone on my dad’s side does think she’s his daughter.
Added context that is important.
For my mom, and only my mom, my dad stopped drinking and was sober for almost 23 years. However, in 2020, being surrounded by other alcoholics and being away for days for a job, he started drinking again. My dad helps build houses and would sometimes go all the way to oklahoma Or lousiana for a job. No he didn’t cheat. His coworkers actually teased him because he called my mom so often just to talk to her. I need y’all to understand that my dad loves my mom. He would move mountains for her. He’s not a perfect person, but he was a good dad and husband. Never hit us. Never raised his voice. We destroyed his model car collection that included some expensive pieces as kids. He didn’t ell he saw we were happy and tried to hide the survivors better. He gave my mom everything.
When she found out, they fought so badly it tore them apart. My dad is also stubborn to a fault and believed he could manage it. In the end, it got bad wnough my mom let me. Have a go at him because he was not listening or doing anything. He was also stressed as my sister was in bootcamp and I was getting married. So i think drinking was just easier for him.
I tore into him that day. I cornered him and confronted him for refusing help even though we offered. I told him how much it was hurting mom and when he refused to listen, I threatened to kick him out of my wedding if he didn’t do something about his drinking. He finally did especially after we think all their bad energy attracted an evil entity. I can elaborate if asked but its not relevant. Quit cold turkey again and he and my mom talked about how they would move forward. They began going to church a lot more often, all is good. My dad is doing better emotionally and is trying to make up with my mom. We have a conversation with my mom about being more patien and communicating more.
In all of this, my mom was dealing with liver issues and the stress of all of this was not helping.
Back to the story.
My grandmother died in march of 2023. I meet my cousins through video chat bc they were in Mexico. They video the service and funeral most of which we paid for. My dad bought a beautiful coffin for her, paid for roses and the gravestone. We paid for mariachi because my grandma always wanted mariachi for her funeral. We mourn, we move on.
My halfsister contacts my dad first to try and talk to him. My dad tells her again to leave us be that we want nothing to do with her. My dad’s number is public because thats how he gets jobs. So thats how she contacted him.
So she contacts us.
No one told us about her. She knew about us because my grandma would tell her about us. But we didn’t know about her. Everyone left it up to my dad to lake that decision and he never did.
My sister and I are both contacted by this girl through facebook. The profile is new and I’d almost gotten scammed once so we’re suspicious. We play along, ask for ID, video, proof. Everything. She provides it all. BC we thought she was a scammer, we weren’t exactly nice. So we’re thinking there might be some truth. We call my dad, he denies it. Call my mom, he denies it. I have my sister call him for me again because she’s better about getting things out of him. I call an uncle that Half Sister says knows about her.
Finally, they tell us everything that y’all just read. My sister and I are reeling, but we don’t tell the other three siblings. My mom is upset wanting to know why this girl is bothering us and that she doesn’t want her bothering us. She and my dad fight and my sister and I head to them (we’d moved out). We talk to our siblings separately.
My sister and I decide we don’t want anything to do with her. She is a stranger to us, and our parents are in a good place right now. They deserve peace. Not to mention, she went against the wishes of our grandma and my mom was still dealing with her liver issues. They could not. Handle another big issue right now.
So we gather everyone. Tell my parents that my sister and I want to tell our siblings together as a family and make a decision as a family. We preemptively talked to our siblings and agreed we wanted nothing to do with her.
I would rather not get into too many details. My mom spiraled. We both have anxiety but only one of us (me) sought a therapist. She was convinced my dad would leave her and that we would hate her or turn against her. (She is not a narcissist. She has anxiety shes finally learning to manage it). I removed my mom and brought her outside to breathe while my sister talked with my dad. Both me and my dad struggle to voice what we want to say and so it was becoming a bad cycle with my mom not being fair to him. My sister helps my dad word what he wants to say. But my sister and I get a handle on the situation. When we planned this, we knew we wanted to make sure mom was good. Dad already made his opinion in the matter clear. We just also knew our mom.
My dad reaffirms that he loves my mom, and us and doesn’t want to leave her. He also tells us that its our decision if we want to talk to this girl. My siblings and us all agree that we don’t want anything to do with her. We spend some time talking, winding down, go to ihop and head home.
Where I feel bad for her:
She wanted to meet us and get to know us. My parents had five of us and we are all very close while she was an only child. So I understand where she's coming from and I have a lot of sympathy from her. She knew parts of our extended family and whatever my grandmother told her about us. You see videos online of adoptees or people who were seperated from their parents who want to reconnect with their families and they are hailed for it. Even a scroll through the comment section people praise them for the attempt and villify the family if they reject them. And I understand why she wants to meet us. We're her siblings, but I can't bring myself to.
My parents just got done dealing with my dad's relapse into drinking. My mom had forgiven him and were trying to move past it. My mom could not handle any more stress due to her liver (or maybe it was her kidneys. The doctors said she needed to watch out for her blood pressure). My sister and I knew that this would be an issue and we did our best to deal with it and act as family counselors. My parents aren't perfect, but they're good parents and raised us well and I know they love each other. They recently had a proper wedding ceremony after twenty six years. Our siblings and I are starting to finally give back to them (taking them out to eat, giving them nice gifts, replacing the model cars we destroyed years ago). We would do just about anything to make them happy.
In my eyes, our half sister (if she is blood related) went against my grandmother's wishes and only contacted us AFTER my grandmother had been dead for a few months. And then, after my dad told her not to bother us, she contacted my sister and I. I loved my grandmother. We were devastated when she died so right as we're starting to recover from that, we get with this and it pissed me off.
I understand she wants to get to know us, but I don't want anything to do with her and my siblings (even after talking with them) agreed. We don't know her. We are happy where we are right now and don't want anything that is going to ruin that. She is a stranger that is going to upend the peace that we finally have. And now, a year later, she is all but forgotten to us because to us, she really isn't anything. And its not like she's not doing well for herself. She's works as a nurse and is living her life.
So Reddit, am I the asshole (or are we the assholes) for wanting nothing to do with our half-sister who we never met and didn't know existed?

I don't know the numbers but in my personal experience as an old player who came back the amount of free primos I got and am getting along with all the loot makes it feel TOTALLY worth starting over.
When I first played I wasted so many resources. So many primos on meh 5 stars. I was on scraps to try and get enough primos and I would have missed out on the coolest character I've seen so far.
Thanks to starting over I got her and her weapon and over 100 pulls saved up in a month and I'm not even done clearing out Inazuma of everything yet.
The quests I found easy to skip if they weren't interesting.
Now that I'm starting over and know what I'm doing I've waster far less loot. I'm using my fragile resin correctly. I have good builds. I'm not investing in characters I'll never use.
And most important I'm saving for only ss tier best characters in the game first so that I'm in zero need to worry about saving primos in the future because I'll already have everything I need.
And let me tell ya. I don't regret it even slightly. In a month I got more than welkin moon and abyss would give me in 3 months. And now I'm way better off than my other account.
Just my personal experience with starting over so while I do hear alot of people say it's not worth it personally all I'll say is I found it insanely worth it.

So I’ve had this best friend since 7th grade we were really close throughout juniohigh school. After graduation covid happened the year after and slowly it felt we just grew apart.
After graduation I noticed she began struggling with her mental health and functioning with school and work. She’s never really addressed these issues she’s the sweetest person ever but is the person that wants everyone to be happy and can’t handle conflict or anything unhappy.
We used to have a lot in common but over the years since highschool it feels like we don’t I can’t talk to her about my interests because she sometimes appears shocked or can’t believe tv makes violent shows etc.
Since 2020 we hang out once a month and have somehow fallen into a pattern of doing the same things every time we hang out eat at the same ice cream place go to target and then head home. I have tried to suggest other activities and she appears interested but never follows through.
I did try just ghosting her one summer because I didn’t know how to communicate I felt we had grown apart but she was persistent in messaging me and we eventually continued our monthly hang outs
It’s now 2024 and I am just ready to distance myself I still want to remain in contact because I do hold her dear to my heart but I don’t want to hang out much more since she’s become a shell of herself and won’t help herself and only wants to do the same thing every time.
How should I end this relationship?