I found out yesterday that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with her coworker. I found so many texts on her phone of the disgusting things they send to each other, and honestly I’ve been fighting with myself on whether or not I deserved it. I know that sounds ridiculous. If someone said that to me I’d know how to respond immediately. “Being cheated on is never the victim’s fault.” But I can’t seem to hold the same sentiment for myself.
For context, our relationship has been rocky for a year now. It’s been a constant of her telling me that I’m mean and make her miserable but never elaborating what I do wrong. I have tried so hard to communicate with her and ask her to tell me what it is so I can work on it, but she always just said, “I don’t know.” It has been like this for a whole year.
Yesterday, I received a tip from someone I trust that she was seen on dating sites, and I had already been suspicious of cheating, so I kind of lost control and looked through her phone while she was sleeping. It was plain as day, and I got video of some of it so I had proof.
She has been talking to this other person for approximately a month now. I have no idea if she was actually on any dating sites, but it gave me incentive to find what I did. Their texts are mostly “R rated” but there’s emotional stuff in there too. Petnames, complimenting eachother, etc. I have no idea if they are dating or just in a sexual relationship as of right now, but it matters none to me.
I found a text on her phone to this person talking about me as well. It said something along the lines of “I’ve hated him for a year but he won’t leave no matter what I say.” and went on to explain how miserable she was while pointedly avoiding the fact that we are still technically together. I was confused by this because she only broke up with me one time, and that was a year ago when our problems first started. When this happened I asked her to try and work things out with me and she agreed, telling me she wanted to try and repair our relationship. For the past year, that’s all I’ve been trying to do. I’ve been understanding. I apologized when I did something that upset her and asked for clarification so I could change my behavior, but I was only ever met with continued indifference and refusal of communication. I still have not gotten any answers as to what I was doing wrong.
I think mostly I just need more reassurance that this is not my fault. So many people have told me, but I have been manipulated by her for years, and I can’t seem to break free from the self blaming thought patterns. You’d think cheating would do the trick, but apparently not.

Okay this is in Oklahoma and a lot happened but to summarize basically I've been with this man-child for 3 years almost, I ended up breaking it off after work on Monday (mainly) because of all the issues he has but just blatantly refuses to fix. Immediately after having the discussion he flipped out, throwing things across the room and screaming at me to leave. I stayed at a friend's house that night with nothing but my bag and the clothes I had worn to work. The next day I wake up to a phone call from him where he told me not to bother going back to the apartment because he already let his mom go through all of my things. He said he told her I wanted to fight her (never said that) so she's now determined to kick my ass, and that all of her gang-banger friends now have the addresses of all my family and friends to hurt them as well (this man never remembered my phone number, no way in hell he knows anyone's address lmao but still). I have a witness to this conversation. I also was informed by one of my employees that he had come with his mother to my workplace looking for me, apparently he had been swerving through the parking lot and was acting aggressive and intoxicated. We called law enforcement out and my friend and I went back to the apartment to find it completely destroyed, multiple holes in the walls, and a lot of my furniture was torn apart across the floor, as well several paintings and art pieces that held quite a bit of sentimental value to me. I also found that my medication, makeup,some art supplies, and my medical marijuana paraphernalia has all been taken. His cat was standing on the balcony, I don't know how long she had been outside for. He was not home at the time thankfully, and we had cops standing by while I grabbed some of my things and cared for the animals. Several hours later I was at a friend's apartment on the other side of the complex after submitting the Emergency Protective order petition, id parked far down the road just in case he drove by and surprise surprise he did, I remember hearing the familiar sound of his truck before his mom knocked on the door, I was thrown in a closet to hide and dial 911 while my friend stood at the door talking to them, and thankfully he got them to leave before the police arrived. I can't imagine what might have happened if I didn't move my car down the street. I stayed with a different friend that night for my own safety. The next day went by relatively uneventful until later in the night, we got the EPO and I immediately went and made a bunch of copies before returning to my friend's house on the other side of the complex. I had been in contact with his dad who was using the tracker on his phone to keep me updated on his location, and at this point he had returned to his adoptive parents house in Oklahoma City. At around 20:45 on Wednesday we decided to head back to my apartment to take care of the animals and we found the residence occupied by a couple that none of us recognized. We quickly ran back to my friend's place and called 911, Police came out and removed them from the premesis, and they came out with bags and bags of mine and his things. The woman seemed very confused and had a baby with her, she said that my ex had given her all of it, and that I could take any of my belongings. We went through all the bags and I found several small things of mine, she claims that she was told to stay there and watch over the apartment and to pack his things for him, we got him on the phone (through his dad, I have not spoken to him at all since Tuesday morning when he called me) and he told the officers they weren't supposed to be there and that his key was stolen, and he still sounded heavily intoxicated. Finally everyone left and we went inside to find that everything had been pretty well cleaned up, but the vast majority of my belongings were missing. Adding now my PC, monitor and keyboard, a sewing machine and many yards of fabrics and notions, a cake decorating kit, a small TV and fire stick, a sweing kit from my great-great-grandmother, and a diamond necklace my mother had gotten me for my 16th birthday to the list of missing things. My jewelry box was cleaned out, anything that seemed valuable is now gone, his dad swears up and down they're going to get it all back to me but I don't think that's going to happen. We also found a bread knife with a white-powder on one side of it sitting in the living room, we suspect it to be meth or cocaine (more than likely meth, taking his mother's history and his behavior into account) but when I tried to have it tested the officer told me to just throw it out because it would just be a waste of time. That was the last big event, the last few days have been comparatively quiet aside from getting the PO amended so I can leave the apartment, and his dad texting me, begging me to drop the PO (I won't) I really want to press charges, the court Hearing for the protective order is on the 23rd and I want to be prepared for it, and I have a police report that was approved on Sunday that I have no clue what to do with.
TLDR: Crazy ex gets drunk after breakup, harasses and threatens my entire support system, destroys a bunch of my things and gives away all my valuables to his mothers meth-addicted buddies, and now is hiding behind his dad's hoping I'll drop the protective order.
Do I need an attorney? If so how do I get one? I don't have money right now as I'm trying to get a new place to live, do I still have options? I have a paper trail and witnesses to everything, what is the next step I need to take? Can I press charges for things that happened before we broke up (SA/DV??)? His parents have money and I'm afraid they won't make this an easy fight, but this man has spent his entire adult life having everything handed to him, and walking all over everyone around him. I spent 3 years trying to "fix" him and I want to make sure that after this he won't go off and hurt another girl the same way he did me. Any help is appreciated!

I wasn't always a believer.
In fact, I spent most of my life as an agnostic, not being overly concerned with matters of the hereafter or the existence of God. Sure, I went to Sunday school as a child and was confirmed as a teenager, but beyond that, the specifics of theology were usually banished to the recesses of my mind or treated with a dispassionate, scholarly distance. If there was a God, I figured, He would be alright with me doing my best to be kind, treat others the way I'd want to be treated and help out where I could.
That all changed when, a few months ago, my OCD that had lain dormant for years, reared its ugly head once more. Although I was at this point quite familiar with the tricks my own mind could play on me, having been to therapy and on medication years before, nothing could have prepared me for my most recent obsession: Christianity, and more specifically, Hell.
It is hard to put into words just how boundlessly, viscerally terrifying it was when the realization dawned on me that my entire life, all I'd ever strive for, all my dreams, hopes, fears and regrets could very well just be the brief prelude to infinite pain for infinite time.
When I first truly grasped the enormity of the situation I suddenly found myself in, I came within inches of shutting down as a person. I spent my days in sheer anguish, the white-hot claws of anxiety constantly deep within my guts, always a panic attack away from vomiting, all while having to keep up the semblance of a regular quotidian life. Waking up at night drenched in sweat and on the verge of a breakdown became an all-too-familiar occurrence. How could the universe, along with its creator, be so cruel, so utterly draconian as to consign anyone to infinite torture, let alone save only a select few and leave the vast majority to burn forever? How could existence itself be this terrible a curse? Why even create anything at all if suffering was to be the final state of things, once all was said and done? What kind of God would do such a thing?
Nonbelief was, of course, out of the question at this point. I was essentially turned into a Christian at gunpoint, as the stakes were just too high. I became increasingly legalistic, always worried about the state of my soul and about committing the unpardonable sin. At my worst, I considered breaking up with my non-Christian girlfriend in order to not be unequally yoked, or rebuking my gay friend for her sexuality, which until that point I'd always supported without question - both actions that would have left people I love dearly devastated, but who was I to disagree with an almighty God?
I did no such thing, however, although things only really started to improve once I got back on antidepressants, which are prescribed against OCD as well. With my constant, obsessive worrying toned down to a more manageable degree, my daily life began to be somewhat livable again. I found this subreddit and realized others had faced the same tribulations as I had. I got acquainted with the works of D. B. Hart, Julian of Norwich and other Universalists, which brought me a little spark of hope, at least.
Yet, even months later, there is a perpetual, gnawing dread in the back of my mind. What if we're wrong? What if God truly does glorify Himself through the ceaseless suffering of those in Hell? I firmly believe that no human being deserves to be tortured forever, but what if God doesn't share this sentiment? I can read the arguments of D. B. Hart in "That All Shall Be Saved" and agree with them on a rational level, but as soon as I happen across a Catholic treatise on the fewness of the saved and the massa damnata or a text like 2 Esdras 7-9, I'm right back to feeling Hellfire licking at my heels. It's hard for me to justify spending any money on hobbies or leisure activities, as that might constitute being worldly. I've even mostly stopped listening to music or engaging with fiction I used to like, and when I do anyway, I feel guilty afterwards. It pains me greatly to walk through a crowd, look at all the faces of the people and imagine them burning forever in agony along with my loved ones, myself, and untold billions more.
The bitter irony is that I like the believer version of myself more than the heathen version. I swear less, I'm generally kinder, more generous and more thoughtful - but I'm compelled to be so under pain of eternal fire. I'm very well aware that this is a struggle against mental illness just as much as against reality itself, but that knowledge doesn't - can't! - make the terror go away. I'm a hypocrite as well, because although the people close to me know of my struggle with mental illness, I haven't revealed the specifics to them or tried to convert them to at least try to spare them this terrible fate. And so I remain an anxious believer, hoping for a miracle, for anything that will help show me that this kinder, more patient God who, in the end, redeems all is indeed the one true God.

Some general context: We've been together for 7 months, however we've been really good friends for over 8 years, we've always kind of loved each other - and we recently reconnected (last year) and hit it off, and instantly fell in love and everything felt like it was meant to be. We love each other a lot and there have been no major issues so far in our relationship.
However I knew she cheated and met with other guys during her past relationships so I had some trust issues with her.
TLDR: GF randomly mentioned a guy kept sending her DMs - turns out they were talking for months, albeit non-flirtatious. She apologized and begged me to forgive her but I feel my trust has been broken.
The story: This happened three days ago while we were getting ready to play a co-op game. That's when she randomly tells me "This guy keeps sending me DMs on instagram". I was a bit taken aback, but not really concerned and asked if she replied in any sort of way - and if not, to just reply and tell him to hit the bricks. For a bit of context, she's a musician and very good looking so she gets a lot of attention and sometimes guys send her DMs - this happened before once or twice with her just not replying, so this wasn't a major concern for me initially.
However, after my question she then fell silent and didn't verbally reply, so I persited and asked again if she replied to him or not so far. She mentioned she did and then fell silent. So I continued and asked "Then why does he still message you?". I noticed she behaved strangely and was at a loss for words and I started asking her more questions. She flusterred again and again and then I asked her if I could take a look at what the guy was saying.
She immediately panicked, trying to evade the topic, saying things like "Why should I show you my DMs, I never asked for yours", "I'm not showing you" and was visibly frustrated and trying to pushback. After a short heated conversation I asked one last time to see their conversation.
She then opened the DMs, and reluctantly handed over the phone. I then noticed a very long thread of conversation between them, dating back to last year, where the guy is asking her how are the holidays, what's she doing, and ...her replying back. The last question he asked was "So when are you coming to [CITY]? :)" which was the city she lived before, years back, and her reply "Not too soon [laugh emoji]".
Now this was not what I expected when she said "This person keeps texting me" - which was far from the truth, this in fact being an entire mutual conversation.
She then told me this person is a mutual aquaintance from her old city's group of friends, and that she's never phyisically met the guy, but knew who his name and who he was - and that's why she accepted his follow, replied and continued the conversation. She mentioned he first wrote to her before we were together and she continued the conversation out of wanting to be polite.
The texts didn't seem to include anything flirtatious from her side, apart from a hug emoji during one of her messages thanking him for the holiday greetings. However, she was replying and engaging with a person that was clearly interested in her, who she's never met and was clearly interested to know how her days went and what she's up to.
Regardless of the non-flirtatious convo, I felt betrayed and furious. She always had an issue with us keeping secrets and being loyal to each other, including being jealous of random aquantinces in my life... so this felt like a huge slap in the face and her being a major hypocrite.
We had a major fight afterwards with me telling her to go home, and that we should separate for the time being while I think things through.
Since then she apologized profusely and begged me to reconsider, including saying that she'll be 100% open to me from now on, she'll block the guy and even said she'll give me her phone pass and show me anything at any point I wish. She keeps mentioning how I'm the love of her life and the most important person she ever met, and that she cannot live without me, that she's envisioned marriage and kids with me, etc. She's called me crying a number of times and said she can't live without me and she knows that it was wrong to reply to him and talk to him but that she meant no harm and had no interest in him.
Unfortunately she also said: A) That she didn't know that the guy was interested in her (Which I think is a huge lie) B) That she hid the conversation from me because I would be mad people are sending her DMs (Which again is a dumb reason, since this happened before, she didn't reply and I was okay with it).
I asked her to be honest with me, and tell me the reasons why she did this. She said it wasn't out of a desire for attention, or an unmentioned frustration with our relationship. She just did it out of being polite.
However, IMO you don't just ask someone about their day and reply with questions when you're just "being polite".
Anyway. I'm really torn apart on what to do moving forward.
ATM I've told her I don't think things will work, and she is devastated.
I feel that she broke my trust and moving forward I'll be walking on eggshells, in a constant high-alert state. She gaslighted me and told me lies to cover up her tracks. She hid the fact that she was talking to this guy, she partially hid the fact that she was responding, and then she lied about not knowing what this guy wanted.
I also know that she loves me a ton and is really sorry for what she did.
Help me make sense of this and know what I should be doing. Thanks!

How To Use GPS Data To Fight Speeding Tickets

Have you ever felt annoyed after seeing those flashing blue lights in your rearview mirror? We all admire and respect the essential role police officers play in our society. Their daily sacrifices to maintain our safety are truly commendable. Yet, a twinge of frustration often accompanies traffic citations, whether for speeding or illegal turns. With officers using sophisticated tech like radar guns to track vehicle speed, it may seem like there's no defense. But did you know that the same kind of technology can help you contest traffic citations? Many motorists are now leveraging GPS navigation and tracking systems to fight tickets, whether through a trial by declaration or a court trial. This trend is turning the tables in the courtroom, transforming the way we approach traffic violations. In this article, we will discuss how to use GPS data to fight speeding tickets!
Learn more about GPS tracking here: https://gpstrackershop.com/

Video: 6 Ways How to Use GPS Data to Fight Speeding Tickets

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pWJzIDW3D8&t=1s

When GPS Misguides You: Are Police Sympathetic to Tech Errors?

Ever made a wrong turn because your GPS told you to? You're not alone. Many motorists find themselves in this predicament, pulled over for moving violations, often claiming, "My GPS made me do it". Relying heavily on GPS navigation, either through portable units or smartphone apps like Google Maps or iMaps, is an everyday routine for many. But how reliable are these systems?
Sadly, even highly-rated apps can lead you astray. Remember when iMaps notoriously directed drivers to the wrong locations or even one-way streets? Such mistakes have happened more times than you might imagine. But what happens when these inaccuracies cause you to make an illegal turn? Who bears the blame?
Even when your trusted app fumbles, you, as the motorist, carry the responsibility for the final decision. Sounds unfair, right? Yet, that's how it stands. Yes, police may sympathize with the occasional GPS-induced mishap, but accountability doesn't shift. At the end of the day, it's the driver who's held responsible.
Ever wonder what police officers think of these GPS blunders? One anonymous officer shared, "As drivers, we've all got a myriad of excuses. But the bottom line is, the person behind the wheel is accountable. Remember, it's not the smartphone or GPS that holds the driver's license."
Want to avoid a ticket? It's not about passing the blame but accepting accountability. Believe it or not, officers tend to be more lenient towards drivers who own up to their mistakes rather than blaming their GPS or tracking device. Interesting, isn't it?

How To Prove To Police You Weren't Speeding

Do you realize how commonplace GPS tracking devices are in today's vehicles? More than ever, they're becoming a staple in both company and personal cars. These devices aren't just ornamental; they play a crucial role in improving vehicle theft protection and driver safety. Additionally, they're an attractive bonus for those eyeing an auto insurance discount.
But have you ever thought of using your GPS device to contest a speeding ticket? More and more drivers are doing just that. Why? Because these trackers do more than just provide location data. They record your speed, location, and journey duration - all in real time and with a stunning accuracy that refreshes every single second!
Impressed? There's more. You'd be surprised to learn that these devices may even outperform the traditional radar gun held by a police officer. Calibration issues, interference from highway overpasses, or the officer's hiding spot could all affect the radar gun's accuracy. Meanwhile, your GPS tracker's data remains precise and reliable. Who knew GPS technology could be your unexpected ally in a speeding dispute?
Related Article: Best GPS Trackers For Law Enforcement

5 Ways To Use GPS Tracking To Fight A Speeding Ticket

Getting a speeding ticket absolutely sucks. But you know what's worse? Getting a ticket when you weren't actually driving over the posted speed limit. Thankfully, GPS tracking can help. In this section, we will discover some innovative ways your tracking device can help fight your corner. Below are 5 ways your GPS system can help with contesting a speeding violation.

1. Proof of Speed: Your GPS device diligently records your speed at every moment of your journey. This detailed log can provide concrete evidence of your speed at the exact time the alleged violation took place.
2. Route Verification: Were you on a different road when the incident occurred? Your GPS tracker traces your route with precision. Its data could demonstrate you were elsewhere when the offense allegedly happened.
3. Time-Stamped Data: All GPS data is time-stamped, making it easy to correlate your location, speed, and the time of the alleged violation. This accurate chronology could prove essential in disputing a ticket.
4. Calibration Check: In contrast to a police officer's radar gun, which could suffer from calibration issues, your GPS device provides a more accurate and consistent measure of speed. Use this precision to challenge the reliability of the speed detected by the radar gun.
5. Data Log Persistence: Most GPS car trackers keep a history of their data. This historical log can help to establish a pattern of safe driving, potentially increasing your credibility in the courtroom.

By integrating these strategies, your GPS device can become a powerful tool in your defense against a speeding ticket

FAQs

Can GPS Tracking Data Be Used As Evidence In A Traffic Court Hearing?

Yes, GPS tracking data can be used as evidence in a traffic court hearing. If you have a GPS tracking device installed in your vehicle or have a GPS-enabled smartphone, the data collected by these devices can be used to prove your innocence or cast doubt on the accusations against you. However, it's important to note that the admissibility of GPS evidence may vary depending on the jurisdiction and specific circumstances of the case.

How Can GPS Tracking Data Help In Disputing A Traffic Ticket?

GPS tracking data can help in disputing a traffic ticket by providing a record of your vehicle's location and speed at the time of the alleged violation. This data can be used to prove that you were not in the location where the violation supposedly occurred or that you were not driving at the speed that you were accused of. Additionally, GPS data can also provide information about traffic patterns and road conditions that may have contributed to the violation.

What Types Of Traffic Violations Can GPS Data Be Used To Dispute?

GPS tracking data can be used to dispute a variety of traffic violations, including speeding tickets, red light violations, and stop sign violations. GPS data can also be used to dispute accusations of reckless driving, DUI, and other serious traffic offenses.How To Use GPS Data To Fight Speeding Tickets
Have you ever felt annoyed after seeing those flashing blue lights in your rearview mirror? We all admire and respect the essential role police officers play in our society. Their daily sacrifices to maintain our safety are truly commendable. Yet, a twinge of frustration often accompanies traffic citations, whether for speeding or illegal turns. With officers using sophisticated tech like radar guns to track vehicle speed, it may seem like there's no defense. But did you know that the same kind of technology can help you contest traffic citations? Many motorists are now leveraging GPS navigation and tracking systems to fight tickets, whether through a trial by declaration or a court trial. This trend is turning the tables in the courtroom, transforming the way we approach traffic violations. In this article, we will discuss how to use GPS data to fight speeding tickets!

So for some backstory, I have this friend. Lets call her Sara, Sara is always rude to me and leaves me out "as a joke". She also always makes rude jokes and all that. I get doing that to your friends every once in a while, but no she does this all the time, and to be honest I don't remember the last time she was GENUINELY nice to me. For the last few months I would have to do something in return for her to be nice to me, and she wouldn't even follow through and be nice. Okay, now time for the story. I was on the phone with my other friend, lets call her Emily. Me and Emily were calling and watching TikTok, and then I got a text from a group chat. I went to the group chat. and after that, I went out and the most recent text I got was "Ofc [My Name] would add Emily to the gc, We literally made a new one just so she wouldnt be in it" and Emily saw that text before I exited the messages app, btw i didnt see the text and tbh i didnt even know there was a new gc without her on it. Emily saw the text and told me to show her, she saw the gc and then went to confront Sara. Sara then got mad at me and said I ruined her friendship with somebody, the next day at school Sara was just more mad at me, but Emily and Sara were acting like nothing happened. So now it just seems like Sara just wanted an excuse to be mean to me. Emily was being nice to me though like always. Today, on the way to like a high school assembly thing she was literally making fun of me while I'm mad at her and she's mad at me so obviously now she can't just act like a harmless joke. My other friend wouldn't pick a side but she was standing back there with Sara laughing at me too. When we got to the assembly where we are supposed to sit with our advisory Sara basically called me disgusting and wouldn't sit by me so she went to sit with my other friend. (Btw Emily wasn't here) Another person I'm kinda friends with was even telling Sara to apologise because of how bad it was. She laughed and said "No why would I" and then a few minutes later she looked back at me saw my face mad/sad and then turned around and laugh, nobody had said anything so I know it wasn't at anything else. We didn't talk for the rest of the day. I want to call her so badly and go off on her and tell her to be a better friend, but she probably won't care because it feels like she wants me to be mad because whenever she does something she goes "aren't you mad at me" or "why are you talking to me if you are mad?". I also am hurt by my friend who was standing back and laughing. I just want school to end but I want to know if I am in the wrong because I want to go off on them tonight to try to fix it so she leaves me alone. AITAH and should I confront her?

I've posted this last year and some things happened which made me quite proud and I'd like to share how things went. So recap and then update:
So... When I was little, I lived with my mom and stepdad, things were great and we were very happy. Then my mom passed when I was 7y, so I moved with my father and stepmom, things were complicated. Currently, I have no contact with him (he's not a good man nor a good dad), and I live with my aunt (since 2018) and her husband (he came along in 2019).
Me and my aunt had an amazing relationship, she was my favourite aunt and all that. However, things started to go wrong when I started living with her, I made the mistake of answering that yes, I wanted to be treated like her daughter along with her 2 sons (one my age and the other 3 years younger). I had a desperate "need" for a mothefather. She became a kind of "maunt" (mother+aunt), and her husband a "stepdad"... Oh how do I regret this
Well, she has a favourite son, the oldest. He's lazy, arrogant, disrespectful, a typical golden boy who got spoiled his whole life and now he doesn't give a damn about anything other than himself.
For being the other woman in the house, she constantly pushes house chores to me, instead of the boys (subconsciously, i believe), pretty much only asks me about things, where her sons are, if the dogs were fed, if the boys cleaned well whatever room they were supposed to, stuff like that, and she's also constantly very, very rude to me (at the point of her husband arguing with her about it). And I got this whole syndrome of everything being my responsibility and anxiety when it comes to her, which became extremely exhausting over the years.
I came out to her about my bissexuality about 4 years ago, i thought she would take it well. She didn't. She masks her disapproval, but she clearly doesn't like it. I was really let down, I genuinely thought she would be supportive and everything we expect, but she first got confused, then annoyed and has said some very hurtful thing over the years. Currently I have a gf (she's 22 years old), we've been dating for over a year. They don't like each other very much, my gf doesn't like her because of all the things she does to me. And my aunt doesn't care about my gf at all because... well, she a girl.
Ok, that's the context. Now here's what happened.
My aunt send some kind of agressive messages over something silly, and that caused my anxiety on fire for the gazillionth time, only that time I had enough. I called my other aunt (by consideration, she's married to my grandad) and asked for help (she knows everything that goes on), if i could move in with them, she said yes. I then replied my aunt with a text saying i had enough and would move in with my grandad. She got upset and said (among other things) that "i had her blessing to leave, even though i didn't ask for it". She called my grandma (we are very close), and my grandma sent me some awful audios of how disappointed she was, how I made my aunt sad, of what would people think, that i used to be such a sweet girl and now this, of how loving is a choice and i chose not to love my aunt, stuff like that. Aunt and her husband went to dinner with my grandad that night without my presence, and told them we had an amazing relationship, that she didn't knew what happened, that my problem was I couldn't take a "no" for an answer, etc.
Two days later, we sat down to talk, she told me to start, I said all I wanted. She then started saying how that kind of thing should not have been adressed through text (which I agree, but I had to text or I'd freak out), that she was harder on me than the boys because (in another words) the world was rough and she loved me the most.
And then her husband also spoke about how he understands both sides and blablabla, and said that i could go to my grandad, but that they felt like i should understand that i would only go because THEY allowed, if they didn't wanted, i would not go, no matter what my grandparents or aunt (grandad's wife) said. He basically wanted to state their power position.
(Since my mother's death, my whole family on her side feel responsible for me, so i see all of them in the same way. None of them are my mom and dad, they are in the same "level" to me and have the same "right"... Him saying that made me burn inside, like they're entitled to me, I don't belong to them or anyone. They're my aunt and "uncle", that's about it, they think they have something on me that they... Don't)
And then my aunt said that I could go, as long as I told my grandad about my sexuality and girlfriend. Now... He's kind of old fashioned and i'm scared he'll reject me... We have an amazing relationship, I have lunch with them every wednesday, and I'm the closest grandkid he has (the others aren't so invested). So I don't know if I tell him the truth and manage to leave (depending on his reaction) or if I don't risk it and stay in the toxic enviroment i'm in.
UPDATE - 14/05/2024
Hello! So, things got much worse before they got better. Let's give them names so the story telling will be easier, let's call my girlfriend Bea, my aunt Leah, her husband James and my "aunt" (my grandad's wife) Rachel.
I basically swallowed my anger because I couldn't bring mysef to speak to my grandad about my sexuality, my grandparents are the most important people in my life as they've always been there for me and I was terrified to be disliked by him. That was until december.
Early december I was leaving for work and before I left, I tried to "notify" my aunt that Bea would be spending Christmas and New Years with me and my siblings (note: my siblings had been looking forward to her being there, specially my brother and my SIL (Luke and Lyla), they made it a question that she'd go. I have 3 paternal siblings, so there's NO relation between them and my aunt Leah. We'd be staying in a city 3 hours away from mine at my brother and SIL's house, every year we do this). She immediately said "you know I don't like this", I said "yes", she then said "good morning" and I left for college.
The next morning, I was eating before going to work and Leah started talking about it and we started a conversation that developed into a fight. She said things like how dare I "notify" her, how that's not how things work and that it would not happen because THEY (she and James) don't feel confortable with this, how THEY think Luke wouldn't like this because "no one likes to have people over for a week" (he and Lyla were super pumped for Bea to go), how THEY don't know my girlfriend enough (come on, we had been dating for over a year already), how THEY wouldn't like me going with her to a stranger's house (in complete disregard to my point of view, it's my freaking brother, whom they met a couple times btw, not a stranger. But to them, the only meaninful point of view was theirs). She had even called my brother to basically "check my story", like?? She also said that we we're only teenagers (seriously, 22 and 20) , and I said "no, she isn't and neither am I!", she said she didn't say Bea was, I then said "and neither am I", she said I was, because I didn't act like and adult, then I got mad and talked about how I do literally everything around the house, always walk the dogs even when I get home tired at 10PM, even though they got there at 7PM, I help with groceries purchase, pay the water bill, clean the house, do the chores her boys lack to do, and when I'm not home, I'm either at work or college, but when she disagrees about something, she just puts me back in the "teenager box". And in the end, she said that my raising was not like this, this made me laugh in anger inside, she's been with me for 5 years, I'm 20 lol.
So that was it, I left for work and got a text from her, apologizing for being rough, saying that she loved me and wanted it to work, that they wanted to talk to me when I got home. I replied saying the same.
Later that day when we were all home, we gathered in the living room, I was literally against the wall and it intimidated me deeply. James started saying how much they loved me and wanted to see me happy, as they want that for all their children (aunt Leah has 2 boys, my cousins, and James has 3 girls). I then talked and expressed how I was feeling, then Leah started talking and basically said in a nicer tone the same things she said earlier, plus how they want me to be happy and want things to work for me, but they think it's too soon, they believe it's not the right time, they they, and therefore, despite being against what they want, I could take Bea, but only in ONE of the two holidays, which I could choose. I was in a bit of a shock (you see, me and Bea had bought the bus tickets a while earlier), had no support, against the wall, I was feeling purely defeated and tired, I only said "Christmas then...", she then said we would sleep in separate rooms and would not go on the 22th after work because "she had already allowed an extra night by allowing her to stay there until the 25th". I stayed in silence, they asked if there was anything I'd like to add, I said no. It wasn't a conversation, in no moment did they actually listened and considered me, they had their minds set way before we sat to talk. I went to my room and rolled all night in pure anxiety. This was thursday
Friday I was a wreck and went to Bea's house to check on her (she was sick that week) and to talk to her about what happened. She noticed something was off, I told her, she got mad and sad, we cried, etc. I went home feeling awful, my anxiety had been 100% all day long and I was in a really bad place and feeling deeply frustrated.
Saturday I woke up worse and decided that I had enough and was not having that anymore. I went outside and called grandad, talked about how I wasn't feeling well and asked what did he think about me leaving home, he said that their doors were always open and that I could just tell my aunt that "I was going to live with my grandad and that was it". I reframed the question asking what he though about me leaving to live alone, he then got worried and said that he didn't think that was necessary, that I had them and didn't need to do that. He then asked me to come over and talk to him and aunt Rachel. I accepted and told aunt Leah I'd sleep at grandad's.
I got there and ate a bit because I didn't want them extra worried, although I felt like throwing up at every bite. Everyone went to sleep and so did I. I woke up a bit later feeling worst, that's when I started to throw up, there was barely anything in my stomach and all I could do was throw up.
The next morning I was better and had already told aunt Rachel about what had happened, she found it absurd how things went (she had met Bea a while back and they clicked very well) and was upset about the things aunt Leah said. I decided to talk to grandad, I couldn't disappear with the subject again, specially now that he was worried sick about me.
So... I sat on the couch and told him what was happening, explained everything, told him that I'm like his stepson's MIL (she's married to a woman. It was the easiest way I found to introduce the topic), told him everything. He asked what I wanted him to do about it, I said that I just wanted him to still love me the same and remain normal with me, that I am still the same person and have always been this way, he just didn't knew about it, but that it changes nothing about me. Aunt Rachel then joined us and asked what he was thinking about it (she knows everything and is amazing to me), he said he wasn't pleased, but that it was my life and he had no say in it and that I should do what's right for me, said that if I wasn't gonna change, then neither would he. But basically, he got much more worried about my mental health than my sexuality, he said that the doors were still open and always would be for me, that he thought I needed a home and thinks they can offer me that. Aunt Rachel said that they wouldn't be obsessive after me, demanding to know every step I take and bossing everything like Leah did, that I have my graduation, I work, make my own money, am responsible, have my own life and am not a child, I'm a 20 year old adult and they would treat me as such.
So that was it. I went back "home" muchhh more confident and waited until nightfall because everyone was having a good time and I didn't want to spoil that. I realized aunt Leah and James were awake and went to talk to them, and that, my friends, is when hell went loose.
I started by saying I talked to my grandad about Bea and my sexuality, Leah asked how it went and I said it was great. Then I said they could talk to him (since they wanted to "decide" with him about my going), she said ok and asked when I wanted to go, I said that it could be in the same week since I was on vacation from college, she frowned, stood firmly and said "you know this won't change our decision about the holidays, right?" then it went boom, I said I didn't agree with them and that it wasn't right for them to dictate about such things. Told them their values and beliefs don't have to be mine, Leah asked "WHY NOT?", then I replied "because I have my own!".
Told them they were controlling and that made their kids lie to them, that since they liked to compare raisings (they criticized Bea's mom's raising because she gives her kids freedom to live their lives and fully trusts), then fine, I went on to say how Bea and her mom have an amazing relationship, full of love and trust, how Bea turned up great, works hard, just made it to psicology at university, helps immensely at home, and so has her sister. As for theirs? They raised their kids poorly, they are overbearing and that makes their kids not trusting them and lying a lot because of this necessity of them to control everything. I stated that the raising they gave their children was not my own, that I had multiple raisings and that no, they didn't "raise" me, I'm 20 and they've been with me for 5 years. Said that was clear, just look at the difference between me and her boys (I won't delve into this bit because it's not relevant, but the difference is nitid).
They said I couldn't take a no for an answer and that was my dad's fault, I said they didn't know what they were talking about, I know how it actually went whilst they made a story in their heads and believe it's the truth, since I knew how my dad used to tell my family one thing and do another.
They (again) said they wouldn't treat me like an adult because I did nothing to behave like one, I said that they didn't treat me as I deserved and they would always put me in the "teenager box" whenever I acted differently to what they thought was right (but I was adult enough to lend James almost 1k without Leah's knoledge lol).
She obviously tried to blame Bea, saying she was putting things in my head and that the last conversation was fine and now I was throwing a fit, I said that I said nothing else then because I felt cornered and realized it wasn't a conversation, it was them simulating one only to tell me what they were going to all along.
I told them they didn't know Bea because they didn't want to and I wasn't confortable bringing her as it was an enviroment unwelcoming to her, she then asked if i would go another year like this until I "felt confortable", I said yes, if that's what it took, that I didn't really need to introduce anyone if I didn't felt comfortable to it.
She once demanded to go meet Bea, after throwing a fit at my BIRTHDAY because Bea planned a day for me and my MIL wanted to make me lunch and they weren't invited, it was super uncomfortable. My aunt described this day as uncomfortable, in this argument I said "and about that day you guys met Bea and her mom? It was uncomfortable? OF COURSE it was, I TOLD you it would be! I told you that was barging in and no one wanted it!". Which Leah said that no, that wasn't the uncomfortable part, the uncomfortable was how Bea was "daring her, being all over me and kissing me in front of her, that she had to be respected!".... Lol, the being "all over me" was me shaking from the anxiety and Bea holding me to keep me in my feet, the "kissing" was ONE greeting kiss. And Bea did nothing "daring" towards Leah, believe me, if she had, aunt Leah would definitely know lol.
At the end, they asked if I was taking Bea, I said, yes, Leah said no, since she called my brother and told him how "things would go down" (amazes me everytime I remember this, she wanted to dictate how the holidays would go IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE). Lol, my brother was just texting me saying how Bea could go spend the whole holiday and we'd just say she left after Christmas. So it wasn't a very good argument on Leah's end. I said it was my business and I was sorry, but it was MY brother, MY family, MY relationship, MY life, and it wasn't up for them to dictate on it, they shouldn't feel comfortable or uncomfortable since it had NOTHING to do with them, and that my family who mattered in this were not only comfortable but very excited for Bea's presence.
I told them I knew I wasn't wrong since grandad and aunt Rachel agreed with me, so they could go ahead and talk to them if they wanted to. They ended up showing me their tumb and I left for my room.
Aunt Leah left to grandad's house in like, 5 minutes, cried to him and all. She got back, went in my room and in an ironic tone, said "sorry, I know I'm not your mother, stay with your raisings, I'm just glad and relieved my father wasn't as ok as you thought (her saying this seriously hurt me), he accepted for reasons ans beliefs he has, so go ahead and pack your bags this week, you're free to go. Sorry for the flaws, I was trying to get it right, be careful when you take that sticker off, don't ruin the painting." aaand she left.
The next day, grandad came and we took 90% of my stuff and I started officially living with him and aunt Rachel. Christmas was a bit awkward (my maternal family does this early Christmas so everyone's free on the 24th), but I was glooming feeling like the weight of the world had left my shoulders.
So... I went with Bea to spend the holidays with my family, my siblings, my SIL's parents and even my 1 year old nephew absolutely adored Bea, they now ask about her even before asking about me lol. My paternal grandmother loved her and was amazing, told my aunt (her daughter) that Bea was adorable and loving. It was amazing and I cannot imagine 2023 Christmas and New Year without Bea with us, she added sooo much.
Recently we've been to Luke's and Lyla's at Easter and made Easter eggs together, watched movies, went out, went to a family gathering where Bea, my uncles, cousins and grandmother (who was really happy to see her since Bea couldn't go to her birthday because she had to work) all got along really well.
We see each other frequently, living with grandad and aunt Rachel has been amazing, I'm finally gaining weight! MANY people have noticed it and it quite frankly scared me a bit, I had no idea it was so evident. But yeah, I'm doing great!
Grandad isn't ready to deal with this, so we don't talk about it. He doesn't like it and doesn't really understands, but he's doesn't meddle. Grandma (maternal) texted these days wanting to meet Bea (finally!), since she found out through aunt Rachel that me and Bea are still together and going strong for 1 year and a half already. I think she took it seriously now.
Anyway, it was hell, lol. But things turned out alright! Thank you for the people who commented in my first post, it was nice reading the comments and taking the options into consideration!

We hired a nanny about a year ago for our baby, who is now about 18 months old. While we found her on care.com, we didn’t actually “hire” her through there (just moved straight to contract over email). She was the second person (of 2) we talked to on the phone for screenings and we immediately loved her. She did a home test for a week and aced it, and we hired her. I called her two most recent references and they both gave glowing reviews (one continues to hire her on weekends; the other highlighted some issues they’d had but were able to correct and had actually tried to rehire her but our nanny didn’t want to continue working for them). We thought all was great.
Over the course of the year, she has been generally wonderful. She does put her foot in her mouth/make odd comments from time to time, and can get a bit too personal, but those have generally been our only complaints. We’ve spoken to her about this and she has gotten better, but still does slip up from time to time.
A few months ago, I happened to look up her profile on care.com out of curiosity, because she mentioned she still does odd jobs on weekends through there. I noticed she had a bad review (posted a month prior), where the person claimed my nanny ignored all special requests, watched tv too much and didn’t interact with the baby, and made inappropriate comments about the husband to the wife directly. When I saw this, I freaked out, but ultimately the only part that sounded true based on our experience with her was making inappropriate comments. I ended up asking her about it, and she said this review was from 8 months prior, she was never told about the special requests, but she did make a comment that the husband looked attractive in his wedding suit when looking at their wedding photos with the wife. I believed her (again based on my own experience) and confirmed she probably shouldn’t have said that and to take it as a learning opportunity to be more mindful of not putting her foot in her mouth.
The next day, she was suspended from care.com. My nanny told me this, I wasn’t aware myself because I hadn’t hired her directly through care.com. The timing was wild, I asked if she did anything (try to reach out to the wife, etc) but she says she didn’t. I’m not sure what to believe here.
We decided, based on how great she’s generally been, to move past it. However, a few days ago one of her references (who didn’t raise any negatives working with her and told me she still hires her on weekends) texted me and asked if I knew why she was suspended from care.com. I explained the above and that my best guess was this negative review somehow triggered a suspension, and asked her if she ever had negative experiences with our nanny. She mentioned that they actually were ghosting her because the last time my nanny went to help them out, she made inappropriate comments about the reference’s friends and called her son “slow” (as in has developmental issues, which he doesn’t), and as a result they don’t want to work with her again.
So now I’m not sure what to do. Again she seems so great with my baby, we’re pretty chill so the foot in mouth comments don’t bother us too much, but it seems like several other families have had bad experiences with her and it’s making me second guess everything. For example, she did once call my baby slow too, but I immediately corrected it and she hasn’t said it since. I hate that she did it, but I’m also prone to saying the wrong thing sometimes, so I’m trying to be understanding. But it’s making me so anxious that I’m ignoring red flags, and I can’t help but wonder if she was suspended for something else. We never ran an additional background check, so I’m thinking that’s the next step.
Appreciate any advice, thank you!
EDIT: I forgot to mention, about 6 months ago our nanny was so upset because she was kicked out of her friend group, allegedly because of something she was saying to her ex boyfriend via text that one of her friends saw and got upset about, which ultimately ended up with everyone in the group ghosting her. We thought nothing of it at the time (she’s in her 20s and mean girl behavior can happen anywhere) but in light of everything else it makes us question it all

Hey everyone,
I'm reaching out today because I really need some advice and a space to vent about what's been going on in my life. So, I'm a 25-year-old guy, and I was in a relationship with a wonderful woman, also 25, for about three and a half years. Unfortunately, she decided to break things off, and it's left me feeling pretty lost. It's a bit of a long story, so bear with me!
It all started back in late 2020 when we matched on Tinder. Right from the start, there was this amazing connection between us. We had so much in common—our love for fitness, travel, music, food, you name it. It felt like we were a perfect match, like two puzzle pieces finally fitting together. But, of course, every relationship has its challenges.
One big issue we faced was our different love languages. See, I'm big on physical affection, while she values quality time together. I tried to show her love in the ways that mattered to her, but I admit I wasn't always consistent, especially when it came to being romantic. Despite this, we didn't have many arguments, and we enjoyed traveling together whenever we could, which was a nice escape from our separate living situations at our parents' homes.
After a couple of years together, she suggested we move in together to have more intimacy, but I wasn't ready financially, being a student with loans to pay off. I thought we should wait until we finished our studies before taking that step. Looking back, This have contributed to some frustration on her part, as she craved more closeness and shared experiences in our day-to-day lives.
By the end of 2023, we fell into a bit of a routine, and I'll admit, I was more focused on our future plans, like our dream of spending a year in Australia followed by a road trip in Asia. She, on the other hand, was craving more spontaneity and attention in the present moment. Things came to a head in November 2023 when she began to doubt our relationship (routine, lack of romance, incompatiblity). Unfortunately, due to my exams and surgery, she didn't feel she could express these doubts to me at the time to work things out.
Meanwhile, I went on a solo trip to celebrate my graduation in January 2024. During this time, I had a lot of time to reflect, and I realized I needed to make some changes in our relationship. I started to see the importance of spending quality time together, trying new things, and being more romantic. I even reconsidered our future plans, realizing that maybe a long trip wasn't what I wanted after all.
However, by the time I returned in March 2024, her doubts had grown into something more serious. We had a heart-wrenching conversation where she expressed her feelings had changed, and she couldn't see a future with me anymore. She didn't wanted to go to Australia anymore and felt like one of us would not be happy especially me. I was shocked and didn't thought about expressing the "shift" that happenned during my trip, i just went home. The same day i texted her and said that we need to meet and talk more in details, we did and she was surprised by this "shift" from my side, she told me that she needed some time to think about it. 3 days after, despite my efforts to show her that I'd changed and that we could work through our issues, she felt it was too late. So we broke up, it was devastating, but I respected her decision. We ended it remembering all our beautiful memories and by a last kiss.
In the weeks following the breakup, I focused on myself, landing a great job and reconnecting with my family. But, of course, I still thought about her constantly. She still had my photos on her instagram, was liking my photos/stories so i thought there was still some open doors. About three weeks after the breakup, I reached out to her, hoping we could talk things through.
I asked her if she would be available for a "date", and she was hesitating and saying that it was too early. During our conversation, she admitted she still had feelings for me, was attached to me, and had a lot of affection. Despite this, she felt it was too early to meet, indeed she was very busy these last days and didn't had time to really feel the breakup, however she was sad and thinking a lot about me. She said she would like to maintain a connection with me but don't know how yet. She also said she couldn't see a path forward, she know that this breakup is sad because it's a lack of timing and she didn't communicated earlier, but in her hearth she feel like it's too late. I ended up telling that I understand her point of view but I would be here if she change mind and want to work on the relation.
Since then, we've had zero contact. She is in a trip with friend in Mexico so i think still didn't have time to think about everything. I unfollowed her on social media to give myself some space. I improved every aspect of my life and i go a lot to gym, eat healthy, sleep well, got good routine. I even want to go to therapy to dig deeper and try to improve some negative aspects i'm not aware of. I really think this relationship is worth it because we are both compatible and that the issues mentionned are temporary and concerning the romanticism my mind has changed.
So, that's where I'm at. Any advice or insights you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening to my story.

If you are thinking about working at or if you are thinking about donating to Faith Comes By Hearing/Hosanna [https://www.faithcomesbyhearing.com](https://www.faithcomesbyhearing.com/) you should consider the following. Having worked at Faith Comes By Hearing myself for decades, you should be aware of their culture and ideology. (Arranged from most important to least.)
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\*Treatment of the Bible:
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Grammatical, historical and cultural context as well as literary genre are all ignored by top management. So, Scripture is often misquoted and misused:
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Ignoring basic, common sense guidelines, rules for interpreting the Bible results in misinterpreting, misunderstanding, and misapplying the Bible. Management ignores the fact that observation (what the text says) must always come before interpretation (what the text means); and interpretation always comes before application (how the text applies to me). They do not consider the Bible text objectively first: They treat the text subjectively or relatively or assume what the passage text means. And they ignore the fact that a text cannot mean today what it never could have meant to the original authors and original readers. Exegesis is often contrasted with “eisegesis”; the Greek preposition εἰς means “into,” and hence eisegesis means reading your own meaning into the text. Bible study is not reading your personal theology into some biblical passage. Bible study is letting the text talk to us; we are the listeners, not the talkers. Many Christians just want to know what the Bible “means to me.” If you stop to think about it, this just is not possible. We must do the hard work of learning the author’s original meaning first, and without that we can’t ever know “what it means to me.” A text cannot mean what it never meant.
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\*Feelings and experiences rule:
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There is a focus by top management on personal experiences and feelings instead of a studied period of reflection: Emotional, simple, popular teaching instead of intellectually careful and doctrinally precise teaching. Bible studies go straight to the question, “What does this passage mean to me?” while bypassing the prior question, “What does the passage say and why do I think my interpretation is correct?” Management promotes and allows employees to get away with applying an understanding of a passage that is based on vague feelings or first impressions and not on the hard work of reading the context, verifying with commentaries and using study tools such as concordances, Bible dictionaries, and the like because a careful exercise of reason is not important in understanding what the Bible actually says for management. Besides, it takes work! For management, Christianity is identified with subjective feelings, sincere motives, personal piety, and blind faith. Management tests the truth not by a careful application of our God-given faculties of thought, or even by biblical mandates (for example, 2 Corinthians 10:5), but rather by private subjective experiences. For the most part, theoretical reason is just not part of the culture at FCBH. In fact, top management will often spiritualizing normal, everyday things like advice, facts, common knowledge:
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Example during a meeting, the CEO said he saw a full moon, then clouds formed & covered the moon, then clouds dissipated. He then said he felt God say: "I can turn nothing into something; something into nothing; turn this ministry into something & if it goes thick & blocks Jesus; it has to diminish.”
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So, personal, subjective experiences that top management shares equals truth that employees must agree with or at least accept as true.
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Also, time is money, but management uses their mandatory meetings to discuss controversial or complex topics (e.g., fasting, communion, tithing, personal stewardship of money, helping the homeless, how to create more interaction with remote workers, how to retain employees, how to hire more Gen Z employees, past trauma), most of which are unrelated to the actual work. Then they ask employees (most of which have no authority to get things changed/done) what their opinion is about the controversial or complex topic, instead of consulting with professionals or experts.
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So, top management will read a bible verse (not a paragraph, not a chapter, a verse; usually out of context) using a version of the Bible that is almost a paraphrase. Then share something personal that happened to them, something they did or saw or experienced or a personal conviction that is not related to the verse. Then explain how they felt about it, how they interpreted it. Then they will ask employees (especially internationals) to share similar experiences. And, then if no one shares or comments or speaks, management makes employees feel guilty: Along the lines of “So, God is not working in your life?”
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Example: “I felt God give me this verse about gossip. Let me share with you some personal stories about gossip…. This is how I see it. Now, in the last 5 min of our time, I want people to share. I especially want input from internationals. Does anyone have anything to say about this? No, one? Is God not speaking to you? How can God not be moving and speaking? This is unreal….”
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Top management will often use a reader response or subjective biblical interpretation: “This is what I think this verse means. What do you think this verse means? What stood out to you? What did you learn? What is God asking you to apply?” This is a very self-centered way to interpret Scripture. The focus is all about you. What you think. What you feel. But, “The Bible is not about you.” - Timothy Keller. And this leads to people looking at the same verse and coming up with completely different interpretations. Everybody seems to have an opinion on what the Bible says/teaches.
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So, instead of discovering what the original author said to the original readers. They will take Biblical concepts (e.g., called to ministry; felt led by the Spirit; God spoke to me; felt peace) and then add new meanings to them which the original author did not intend. This is dangerous since it leaves employees with doubt, disillusionment, disappointment, discouragement, and false hope and can leave them with unmet, unrealistic, and false expectations. Top management will also take subjective, unclear biblical principles or non-essentials, or personal convictions and make them scriptural authority and then judge other Christians who do not agree. They will treat the Proverbs as promises. They will also not make an effort to distinguish between Biblical principles and practices which are relative, time bound, culturally subjective, Biblically illustrated (not commanded). They will often make hasty generalizations. They will beg the question. They will commit special pleading, dictionary simpliciter, reductive, faulty analogy and many other fallacies. They will also allegorize promises in Scripture and spiritualize all principles. They assume that all historical narratives have individual identifiable moral application. God’s word should be taught clearly, not in a distorted manner. Top management will proof text and use religious words to promote their agenda.
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And top management will encourage others to have this view/philosophy of Bible interpretation. Many incorrectly interpret the Bible and do not even realize it.
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I pray to God that this bad method of interpretation is not being taught to internationals, to people who have never had bibles, who do not have biblical discernment, who don't know any better.
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\*Inductive Bible study and internationals:
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Hermeneutics has been defined as the science and art of biblical interpretation. Hermeneutics helps us understand the Bible. It is a science because there are specific rules the interpreter must follow. It is an art because it takes years of practice to develop the ability to employ those rules properly. There is a difference between a novice and a seasoned interpreter. Hermeneutics has two basic steps, finding what the text meant to its original audience, and then seeing how it applies to our current situation. Unfortunately, many people (Americans included), impose their own personal experiences, theology, and modern culture on to the Biblical text.
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Fortunately, God has allowed us (especially Americans) to have Bible dictionaries, commentaries, handbooks, atlases, etc., to help us with correct hermeneutics, to understand the essential historical and cultural information - the context of the original author and readers of the Bible. We have tools that shed light on the text and help us to arrive at the correct interpretation. When you read a commentary, it will provide checks and balances against your possible mistakes. They can answer questions that a reading of the text can never provide or ask questions that you may never think of asking. Unfortunately, many international people groups do not have access to these tools (or even access to mature, trained, and experienced Christians and pastors). And even if they do have access to resources, they may not know how to use them properly (i.e., limitations of commentaries).
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Grammatical-Historical Method or Inductive Bible study can easily be done with printed or digital Bibles. But how can a person do this with audio and video Bibles? This is critical especially for international people groups that do not have access to (and may never have) print Bibles.
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False gospels and heresies are popular in illiterate people groups because they are not taught discernment or how to evaluate Scripture and the thoughts of others for themselves. People with ulterior motives misuse Scripture and end up influencing the illiterate.
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If these Bible Films and audio Bibles are considered to be actual Bible Translations – video and audio translations of the Bible and the equivalent to and sometimes a replacement for print scripture – then should we also make it a point to teach people who are watching and listening to our video and audio Bible translations Biblical hermeneutics (historical-grammatical interpretation)? How to study the Bible properly for themselves?
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My experience has been that many non-Christians (and Christians) misquote or misinterpret the Bible because they do not know how to actually read and study it on their own to find out what the text actually meant to the original author and audience and seeing how it applies to their current situation.
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There are many ways to study the Bible, and there are many excellent study aids available to help you with specific books of the Bible. But the most important thing you need to remember is that to find out what the Bible says, you need to read it yourself in a way that will help you discover what it says, what it means, and how you are to apply it to your life. And the best way to do this is through the process called inductive study. Inductive study doesn’t tell you what the Bible means or what you should believe. Instead, it teaches you a method of studying God’s Word that can be applied to any portion of Scripture at any time.
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Inductive Bible study draws you into personal interaction with the Scripture and thus with the God of the Scriptures so that your beliefs are based on a prayerful understanding and legitimate interpretation of Scripture.
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\*Artistic freedom concerns:
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Another concern is with the artistic freedom or personal preference when it comes to audio and video Bible media (when these function as replacements for print Scripture). How much can be taken before you compromise the historical accuracy or the meaning and understanding of the original message? A good translation must be faithful to the historical situation and not change the cultural background. In Bible Translation, the translator’s first job is to study the text carefully to discover the correct meaning (what the original author wanted to communicate). Do international people groups understand that the “artistic freedom” (e.g., how the film is lit, the key shots, angles it shoots from, close-ups, point of view, sets, locations and props, editing, the dialogue and the actors’ performance and emotions, wardrobe choices, soundtrack, visual transitions, reference shots), the visuals and sound, are all NOT inspired?
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Biblical and Orthodox Christianity teaches that All Scripture (not just some) is inspired by God who utilized the human element within man to accomplish this without error.The very WORDS (not just the ideas, even parts of letters, and sometimes the tense of verbs) are a result of the mind of God expressed in human terms and conditions. The Bible IS fully true in all that it teaches or asserts to be true (including historical and scientific matters). Only the original documents (autographs) are completely free from error. Does FCBH make an effort to explain this to people groups? If not, then there will be conflict when the visuals and sounds that are added do not match the Biblical text. There will be confusion, doubt, disillusionment, disappointment, discouragement, false hope when people are confronted with unmet, unrealistic, and false expectations.
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So, using audio and especially video as Bibles should come with some teaching of the basic principles of film criticism, the doctrine of inspiration (difference between artistic freedom and the Word of God), and inductive Bible study or Bible interpretation.
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\*Communicating the truth:
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They employ a presuppositional and fideistic/experiential approach to evangelism: In the many testimonies that are shared, many of the people who receive the audio bibles say they believe in Jesus because FCBH gave them bibles that are in their native language. Makes you wonder what would happen if the audio was from the Quran or book of Mormon. Would they believe in anything as long as it was in their own language? FCBH does not seem to make sure people are actually believing facts. There seems to be no appeals to evidence and reason for the truthfulness of the Christianity. One should become a Christian and believe that Jesus is God because it is true (from reason, historical evidence, archaeological evidence, theistic arguments) and not because the Bible one reads is in a certain language. You should follow Jesus because He is God and proved it; not because He speaks your language.
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\*Hearing from God?
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Many in management practice “hearing from God” and then claim God said something specific and personal to them and to the ministry. This practice uses God's name in vain. And often use God to avoid personal responsibility - “I heard from God; God told me; I felt led; God spoke to me…” They then put what happens on God, so they avoid any personal responsibility if it does not come to pass. They make Christianity out to be personal, private, and a matter of “how I feel about things.” Many Christians actually feel spiritually sub-standard and defeated because for them “the heavens have been silent”. This can be debilitating, and it’s profoundly unfair to employees if their only shortcoming is entertaining a false expectation of what a relationship with God entails. Conversations are often littered with casual references to one’s latest revelations without any sense of the gravity of the assertion, or any sense of responsibility to justify the claim. Even Jesus Himself didn’t presume to speak for God without compelling evidence. But, management takes personal opinions and spiritualize them as if they were God’s word to give divine authority to impulses or thoughts that drift through their minds. To say “God is telling me” gives feelings an authority the Scripture does not justify and virtually ends debate. You can’t argue with the person if God supposedly gave the command. Trusting inner feelings is not biblical. It’s confusing at best, and dangerous at worst.
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And with certain requests from employees, when top management does not want to do something, they will respond by saying things like: “I need to pray about it first. Sorry, I do not feel led. I need to get confirmation first. I need to have peace about it first. I need to hear from God first.” But with other things, with things they want to do, they do not need to pray about it first, do not need to feel led, do not need to get confirmation first, do not need to have a peace about it first, do not need to hear from God first. When management does not want to do something, they pass the responsibility off to God (“We cannot…. because God didn’t tell us to do it. Didn't get confirmation.”); but when they do want to do something, they don't seek God and do what they want (“We have decided and are going to… and we don’t need to ask God for guidance or permission”).

I've been with my current boyfriend for 7 months. Things moved really fast and I moved in after 3 months of dating. He has two kids (one biological and one that is the half brother of his son). Living with him has been very difficult. But I never expected things to get so bad.
He's been through a lot of bad relationships. His most recent one was 7 years ago and he was cheated on constantly. My last relationship was 4 years ago and I was severely abused. He didn't have sex or contact with women for 7 years. He is constantly distrustful of me. We've gotten into so many arguments because of really immature shit. Our most recent argument was because I didn't kiss him goodbye before leaving for work because I thought he fell asleep and I was late for work. That turned into a screaming match when I got home.
He also went through my phone last night because he asked who I was talking to and I told him. I was talking to my previous lover's brothers. We'll call him J. J took his own life last year and I've been grieving. I got in touch with J's family and want to plan a trip to see them (they live in England). I got up to take a shower and noticed my phone was moved. While I'm at work today, my boyfriend randomly "suggested" that I go on a trip to England and meet them. He was really aggressive and pushy in the texts and said how he thinks that would make me "so happy". He constantly thinks that he doesn't make me happy (he makes me miserable because of his behavior). He clearly read my conversation. He also made a joke about me to his friend. The "joke" was that his long hair is the only thing I'm attracted to in the bedroom and how that's barely even enough. I haven't had sex with him in weeks because of how awful he treats me.
He also has accused me of cheating because his boss was talking about something that my boyfriend and I discussed days before. His boss also told him that some "random girl knocked on my door today and I let her in". He freaked out and thought it was me. Google maps tracks all of my travels with locations, dates and times. I had to show him that so he would believe me. I've proved him wrong time and time again whenever he thinks I'm lying or cheating and then he just finds something else to be paranoid about.
I'm so miserable and want to leave once I have the money to find a place. He isolates me from friends and family because he thinks that I'm cheating on him whenever I leave the house (I literally leave just to go to work). I'm so miserable and I have no one to talk to about this, so here I am looking for some advice from strangers. Thank you for reading 🧸

me(21F) and my bf(20M) have been dating for 1.5 years now. Lately I've been contemplating leaving but I think I feel obliged to stay.
trigger warning - mention of sa and thoughts of suicide
so we've been in an LDR and have been able to meet only a couple of times in the last year. my boyfriend and I met on tinder in June of 2022 and started dating by November. But within a week of us dating i almost got SAed. It was a childhood friend of mine n i don't wanna get into the details now. But my bf was on call the through it all and I think the guy only stopped because of my bf. he called me about 20-30 times n almost called the cops and that's when the guy stopped. ik it affected my boyfriend a lot. Me and my bf both have a history of SA from our childhoods and it was really difficult for the both of us. I was suicidal and had lost the will to live. my bf also felt really guilty and helpless because during the whole thing he was on call but couldn't do anything. i still cannot imagine how hard it must have been for him. But he was like my rock and helped me through everything. I dont think i would've been alive today if it wasn't for him. I am really grateful for everything he's done for me til date. hes super caring and affectionate and i can see how much he loves me in the way he talks to me. he is the first bf who's treated me right and I'm so grateful to have him. The first 6m of our relationship was very tumultuous and we had broken up and gotten back together a couple of times but now he is just not the same anymore. the whole thing took a huge toll on him. i think i was recurrent depression ( if it's a thing ) never been diagnosed but used to go to a therapist regularly but i don't think I've ever I'll ever been fine. My bf is in 3rd yr of uni and stays on campus. i m doing a professional course and currently stay at home.( i didnt stay at my home when the whole friend stuff happened ). My bf doesn't really share much with me n I think it becomes he thinks I have a lot on my plate already. now i don't think I can talk to my bf about how I feel because after the whole thing happened we took a break for a bit and after that whenever i tried to talk to my bf about anything it just doesn't help. We either end up fighting or he dismisses it or it just turns into a communication lesson for our relationship. i know and I can see that he really tries but nothing has been working and it's been a year. we are in a LDR n i feel the only thing we have is communication. i think we both should feel comfortable enough to talk to each other. i also feel like I have been taken for granted now or maybe he just doesn't not care ( i know he does but i just don't see it) but we still fight about the same small things over n over. i would understand fighting about the same issues if the issues were complex but okay so give an example I'm not really a text person i usually hate texting but idm texting my bf because he feels more comfortable on text but personally for me texting doesn't really feel like talking to me . I have told him that whenever I'm upset or if my mood's a lil off i don't really like texting. so about the whole communication part. i have been very hesitant while talking to him but in the end have always tried to talk to him. i know he cares a lot and notices even if my mood's a lil off and always asks me if something happened or why my mood is off. i usually hesitate because it never end well for me. i hate being vulnerable in front of people but w my bf it's different. but i usually take my time to open up but lately about a couple of months ago I just tried not to talk to him about stuff because i wasn't really in a good place. i had my exams coming up and I kept getting flashbacks of me getting SAed while was kid. usually i didn't mind it turning into a communication lesson for us but about this i rarely ever talk about this to anyone ( noone actually) but when I do talk it turns into a meltdown and i need help. so I stopped talking to him about this but felt really guilty. hed also get frustrated when i didn't talk to him which i kinda don't blame him for because ik he cares and i didn't tell him anything but i just couldn't afford that then. Even at that time he'd rather text than call. we've had a fight about this for almost 10-12 times. i have always told him that atleast when I'm upset I'd rather talk on call because i usually can't express and feel like I'm alone while texting. we've also had fights about the whole communication thing and he does try but they only last a couple of days. i usually don't really like fighting over these things n just let it go. he always tells me to point out his mistakes as n when it happens I tried that but we ended up fighting everyday. i don't want that. i also i have a feeling that he's w me just because I was around. it can't be true because he went through so much for me n honestly it would've been easier for him if he had left but ik I felt obligated to stay at the beginning. he tells me that he struggles to feel emotions and doesn't really have any friends. i kinda feel guilty. ik he usually has a lot of academic pressure+ he's also working+ i also think he's doing atleast a couple of projects ( i don't really understand I'm from a different field) i think he's wasting his residual time in front of a screen talking to him instead of actually going out n having fun. i feel responsible ik he's scold me for even considering this . i just feel really guilty because I think we could've built a meaningful relationship w someone there if it weren't for me n that person could've been there with him there. i think we're both really young and I feel like I'm just wasting his college days . i don't really go to college and only go to college for my sem exams so I'm not missing much anyways. Hes the sweetest guy and i only want the best for him. but now I've think I feel obligated to stay because he's been there for me but i don't see any changes in him. ik he's trying but i just don't see it and it's been a year. id understand no positive results but it keeps getting worse. i hold do much love and respect for him. i think he's the only guy I've ever truly loved. but I don't want him to suffer because of me . so ik i do wanna stay w him. I love him so much but it makes me wonder if it's right I'm so sorry for this being so long idk ifanyone will actually read this but thank you so much and I hope anyone reading this has a nice day

Recently had a first date (in a while too lol) I’m in my mid 20s. The guy and I tried making plans and it didn’t work with our schedules, I’ll admit I was vague and said “how’s next week” he never replied. Met him on a dating app.
Anyway a week later I see him again and shoot him a like but no message (idk why) he says “nice seeing you here” and I told him he never replied to me, he answered saying he didn’t remember getting a message but still wants to go out. We made plans but I just didn’t reply for a few days because I was talking to my friends and saying hell def ghost me. When I did reply he said he thought I ghosted but we finally made a date.
I must add I was a bit more flirty, most of our convo was just about plans. He said he’s intrigued because we’ve been going back and forth too long. We went out but I was so nervous I just acted friendly not flirty, we were at this very loud festival and it was super crowded so neither heard one another.
After we met up I expected him to ghost me but I knew there would be no second date because he didn’t ask me during; which I heard is what happens? But he texted me and we continued a conversation for two days asking one another stuff and he just stopped replying as quick then quiet.
I’m still on the apps and I saw him, i keep running into his profile and he changes his photos a lot so he’s active on there. (Run into him when the app tells me I ran out of people and to swipe through my skipped, or change preferences) anyway what happened … I know I was in the wrong too but this happened like 2 weeks ago? I’m not sure I just need help with this? Should I tell him something?

Hi friends. I haven’t posted in a long time. I left this community because being upset over his porn usage took too much of an emotional toll on me, since I’m not leaving anyways, it brought me SO MUCH SHAME. I had to delete the entire app and try to pretend like nothing bothers me. I let go. We fought too much about porn so I just decided I was okay with it. We’re not married so I told myself “it’s his own issue, I don’t have to feel ashamed because he’s a man doing what men do”.
Well, something happened that changed how I feel. When I left to have Mother’s Day dinner with my mom, I accidentally took his phone with me instead of my work phone. They are identical; same phone, same case. Just a coincidence. I didn’t have any malicious intent. I don’t care what he does. I called him to inform him of my mistake as soon as I realized it. He was FURIOUS. He drove to the restaurant where I was, screaming at me over the phone the entire time. How I was stupid, careless, he couldn’t believe I would make such an idiotic mistake. I haven’t gone through his phone in a year+. Seeing how angry he became, I decided I’d take a peek while he was on his way to see why it was so urgent he got his phone back from me. No actual cheating, that I could see. But I checked his email and saw, just as I expected, he’s been on a website purchasing japanese cartoon porn again? Honestly, it doesn’t surprise me, and I’m more upset about the money part than the porn at this point. He owes me a couple thousand dollars.
But wow. Porn addiction is so pathetic. He interrupted my family dinner and verbally abused me on Mother’s Day because he was so ashamed of what he does behind my back, he didn’t want me to see. Even though I don’t give a fuck about porn anymore. Ironically, when we talked about it later he said he doesn’t like me having his phone since in the past when I did look through it, he knows “I don’t just go through his texts, I check his email” which bothers him. I know exactly why it bothers him. Lol.
I thought when I let go we could just have a normal happy relationship. Thought I was the problem. But instead, there’s still conflict because he’s so ashamed and bitter about it.

I’ll start. Kanawha County, WV, has a web page where you can apply for it. Next, I’ll figure out how applications are reviewed, then figure out which ones have been approved so far and who I can call to encourage good ones and discourage bad ones.
I’m not an activist. I’m not a political scientist. But a whole lot of y’all sent elaborate shit to Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption. You voted for the bird. You showed up to baseball games in banana suits. We have to mobilize for the less glamorous stuff, too.
So let’s do this! Let’s become a pain in some asses and help make sure this money is used to help people suffering through this drug crisis and the families of those who didn’t make it. Leave voicemails with city councils. Check online agendas to see if cops are trying to steal that money and go make a scene at the meeting! Find out who is doing the most to help addicts in your county and make sure they’ve applied for settlement money. LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO!
https://kanawha.us/opioid-settlement-funds/#:~:text=Opioid%20Settlement%20Funds%20to%20Counties,first%20allocation%2C%20which%20totaled%20%242%2C915%2C232.54.

I’m struggling so much trying to feel less guilty about breaking up with my bf of 5 years. I’ve cried every single day since and it’s been almost four months. We had a dog together that he got me as a gift. It was my dream dog and I’ve never loved anything more. We had a lot of issues and have overcame so much in the 5 years including long distance and grieving a death. My family was pushing for us to break up and didn’t want us together while his family loved me. I am a very family oriented person and he stopped going to my family events two years ago because he didn’t really like my family and it overwhelmed him, which made my family dislike him even more thinking he didn’t even try but he did in the beginning then stopped after I moved in with him. I worked with his family and my whole life revolved around him for two years. We lived together for 3 and the house was stunning. I loved it so much and loved living there and took my dog for a walk every day. I had a really good paying job and easy life. I met him when I was 19 and he was 27 so he had already gone out a lot and was more ready to settle down. When I first moved to his city I wanted to go out and he never really joined me. I was 22 and wanted to explore the city and never really asked him because he didn’t seem to want to go out. I turned 24 and didn’t really care about going out anymore just wanted to be with him more. He loves gambling and would go a lot and it never bothered me until recently I felt like he didn’t want to spend time with me as much. We broke up for a while and I felt so lost with out him. It lasted two months and he told me he went to a strip club which was one of my triggers since he used to go all the time before he dated me and it always bothered me and made me feel jealous/insecure. He went 3 times during us dating and I said it was fine as long as he told me but I would secretly cry about it and feel super crappy and like I wasn’t good enough. I did a lot wrong in the relationship. I would complain to my family and seek attention from other people just to receive some compliments and feel good about myself. I realize that I had a lot of red flags and wish I wasn’t so immature in the beginning. I messed up a lot and have felt so much guilt and beat myself up everyday. I feel sick about it all and the way it ended. It was a pretty toxic relationship but I don’t doubt at all that we didn’t love each other. I had a lot of issues being able to be in a serious relationship and it was hard for me to commit in the beginning it took me awhile to call him my bf because I was really scared I would get hurt. I know now that I wasn’t ready in the beginning and I needed to work through a lot of issues on my own but I didn’t want to lose him. He definitely added a lot to my insecurities and anytime I told him one of them I felt he would use it against me. He had a lot of issues but I know that he loved me so much. I feel like I left everything I’ve known for the past 3 years. I had friends there, a good paying job, i would clean the house and didn’t have to pay rent. He would hold over my head sometimes but it was so easy for me financially. Just I was depressed sometimes like something was missing. I feel ungrateful now seeing what people put up with in relationships and how hard life is with inflation. I have rent now and a car bill and I’m a server. Life is incredibly hard for me and I make way less than I did working with his family. I felt awful leaving him and I gave him the dog. I lost my will to live almost and knew there were a ton of problems but felt like if I finally left my family would be happy and their opinions matter a lot to me but now I’m lonely every night and wake up lost and afraid of what my life is now. I’m at peace but I’ve never been so lonely. I have a supportive family and am going to therapy now and it’s helping but I still wonder if I messed up my whole life by quitting my job, moving out, breaking up with him and letting him keep the dog. I think I felt so guilty because I confessed to him that I was with someone when we were on break and the guilt was eating me up in side. He wouldn’t tell me what he wanted to do if he wanted to forgive me for a week he wanted to think about it but I just moved out before he told me and haven’t really talked to him and went no contact. I wrote him a 5 page letter about how much I love him and I want to work on myself and that I was sorry for what I did. He never really apologized to me because I’ve always taken the blame for everything before he could. I didn’t really communicate with him well about the things that bothered me. I didn’t really give him a chance to change I just hoped he would notice. He asked me to go to a hotel to gamble with him a few days before I left. I told him I didn’t want to and to go with out me. He talked to me for an hour on the phone on the way there and I was okay till it was 1 am and I told him I couldn’t sleep and was scared and he hung up and didn’t care. I stayed up the whole night wondering bout him. He got home at 11am the next day and texted me he loved me. I got off work and told him it upset me and it ended up me being the one apologizing since I said he could go. He said he knew I would act that way and got mad at me. I just gave up the convo and just thought I can’t do this anymore so I shut down. I got distant and looked cold hearted when I left but inside I was dying. I feel incredibly guilty everyday and am scared to see him move on even though I’m the one who broke up with him. I’m scared I won’t find better and I still love him and his family so much and haven’t had any desire to be with anyone else or even talk to or go on a date. I’ve just been sad every single day and have tried to find joy but nothing excites me anymore. I felt like a horrible monster and idk how I even did this. I’m hoping it was the right thing and I’m trying to fix all my issues with my therapist. I feel like I desired to be single in the beginning of our relationship but now that I am I hate it and miss him so much. I’m terrified and still in denial. This is all coming out messy but just so much about it is all messy and I feel like I messed up everything. I wanted to marry him but I felt like I messed it up and sabotaged it too much and couldn’t come back from it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been journaling everyday and trying to remain strong and not reach out when I miss him and my life and now my life is hard and I make no money and have tons of bills. It’s terrifying and I relied on him a lot financially. I feel like idek who I am anymore and I’m depressing everyone around me because I’m so sad and everything reminds me of him and our dog. My heart is broken into pieces and I just want to be sure I did the right thing. I feel so incredibly selfish. I didn’t fully explain everything in our relationship but it was very complicated and at times toxic. I do miss him though and feel at fault for a lot of things. Idk. I feel like I lost my motivation and don’t really care about anything anymore. I wonder if his family hates me now. I feel like everyone thinks I’m a bad person for leaving. I just want to crumble. I don’t know who I am anymore and how to stop feeling less guilty. He’s going to have no issue finding someone new since he’s super successful and has his own house. I feel very insecure and I get memories on Snapchat of him everyday and have 5 years worth of memories. I’m terrified and stressed with money. I’m about to turn 25 and feel like I’m starting my whole life over. I don’t know how to let go even though I needed things. Is something wrong with me?

This is gonna be an interesting one and Ill probably get a ton of hate because maybe I'm an idiot but anyways... (LONG and IN DEPTH WARNING)
Me and this girl were together for around 3 years but have known each other since before we were even teenagers as she was my sisters best friend growing up. We had hooked up a couple times in high school and both lost our v cards to each other which idk if it matters but I guess I'm going into detail on this lol.
The summer she graduated we started hooking up again. One thing led to another and from very early on we both seemed to have intense feelings and a crazy connection.
After this she went to college in the medical field and I continued to work. She wasn't far away so I would go spend weekends with her and basically anytime she had outside of being in class and studying we were either together or on facetime for hours. (So before anyone says anything about college, she did not go out and just wasn't that type of girl)
The bad part of all this which ultimately could be what go us where we are is that her parents strongly disliked me and did not approve of me so she basically wasn't allowed to see me or date me but we continued working around that.
Her parents were abusive her whole life and became "helicopter parents" which caused her a lot of trauma and she would do anything to not upset them. (They checked her location constantly and would call her all the time to check in even though she's 21, she never got in trouble and was basically an "angel child" in her fam)
During the time we were together I would say every few months she would go into this panic attack mode of feeling that she was doing the wrong thing and that we couldn't keep going (because of her parents) but every time she would say she didn't know what to do because she loved me so much but felt like she couldn't be with me and that her parents would never let it work.
Multiple times we went over a month without talking and when we would start talking again it would be like we never left and we would both be dieing to see each other as soon as we could and then the time we would finally spend together would be euphoric and we would talk about how we don't want to be apart anymore.
That only happened once or twice other than those times we just couldn't stay apart from each other. For the reason of what I thought might be "true love" which these days in this generation seems nearly impossible to find.
Around the middle of last summer she finished her school year and had started hanging out with one of her friends from our home town (This is a girl whos never had a father figure, sleeps around every weekend, was always a big drama starter and does not have any goals or ambitions) As you can tell I don't like her because of exactly those reasons and my girlfriend was the complete opposite so I thought she was a bad influence.
During this time everything was great, we were seeing each other just about every day, being intimate and everything just seemed completely normal and fine.
Until one day she was hanging out with that girl and some of that girls friends... I had called a couple times to check in on her later that day/ evening with no answer or call back as well as texted which seemed odd but didn't think much of it but then everything seemed off for the next week or so until she eventually called me and said she didn't think we should keep talking because it wont work out long term and she had felt that I was overly concerned with her where abouts and what she was doing, which did not seem like it was really coming from her because weeks before this she had literally said I should call her more and be the first one to call more...
I gave her the space she needed until she reached back out a couple weeks later saying she thought it would be good to still talk just not constantly.
A couple weeks after that she had told me she started talking to another guy who she met on tinder after that day she hung out with her hometown friend who got her to get on the app (which she initially told me was her choice but I eventually found out the girl had convinced her to get on it)
Anyways that was all about 8-9 months ago, time has gone on we still talk every single day multiple times, we have been intimate a few times. After the last time I asked her why she was still talking to the guy and she told me she didn't know why she did what she did and that it was stupid and that she would likely stop talking to him.
She also kept asking me 1. "why it was so good" and 2. "how would I describe it?" I wanted to tell her "because that's how it feels being intimate with someone you love and have an emotional connection with after going months apart" But felt it was too soon to bring those feelings back so I told her I wasn't sure and to the second that I would describe it as "intense and passionate" To which she agreed and said it was unlike anything else.
That was a few months ago.
Now, in the last month or so I've noticed her starting to be slightly distant but its in a weird way, like she still calls me about every little thing and wants to tell me about everything. I feel like (and kind of know) I'm her only emotional support but its like I cant tell if there's still more than that here or if its gone and idk what to do....
Today that guy posted a bunch of pictures for graduation and one of them was with her and she commented hearts on the picture.
To my knowledge her and this guy have hooked up a little but still haven't been intimate and a couple times she even said she feels like she doesn't want to have sex with him.
This is a girl who has been by my side through everything like me losing my mother, getting in a serious car accident where I was in a bed for months and more.
She is literally my best friend and I have never been so close or felt what I feel with her with anyone else. She just makes me feel so comfortable and at peace while with her and when we talk. We used to talk about what it would be like when we got married and the way we wanted to raise our kids. Damn has life changed..
I understand it might be time to say good bye but I want to see if there's anyone with something to help or any piece of advice.
I also feel like a bad person because my mind keeps going back and forth between the following:

1. Just trying to give up on what it was and stay there as a her friend and continue to hold my promise of always being there for her. (very hard, I still love her with all my heart and it kills me to see her potentially with someone else)
   
2. Just telling her how I feel and that if this is truly what she wants then I don't want to talk to her anymore and cutting it off.
   
3. Doing number 2 and then reaching out to the guy and telling him I've been having sex with her etc.
   

If you actually read all this and made it this far THANK YOU! , I'm truly lost as to what life has become and what I should even do in this situation, any and all suggestions are helpful and thank you again..

It's really not going to look like anything special tbh. The Vocab cards would just be the Spanish word on the front then, answer on the back with an example sentence and a contextualizing image or clip on the back... if relevant.
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But I wasted alot of time curating a personalized example sentence for (almost) every single vocab word I discover. Key word is discover imo.
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Right now my example sentences contain a simple concept I already comprehend, atleast within the context of that sentence, for the word that I am learning to be applied to. Like my lunes card is ´´lunes es antes martes´´. As I create the vocab cards I try to keep main vocab word part as the primary focus in usage and less that of the sentence itself for the sake of simplicity which means that the vocab card usually ends up as the first word of the sentence unless I personally see no reason actually care. Like another card I have that was luckily easy to make for desde is ´´el imperio de mongol duró desde a 1206 a 1368''. Every example I create is with words I already know or do not feel a remote need to understand - to understand the sentence. but IDK. Also I'm more concerned with audio than I am with imagery though. But If I could make the back into a really simple clip and very quickly that would be nice, but I dont care about imagery too much as most of it is going to end up in immersion anyways. Sound matters for me though. Sound is really so i can read something out loud before I hear what it sounds like, which helps me make comparisons and judge myself while I flag cards to make filtered decks out of later. And of course, for words that I already knew before starting studying I do not even consider making vocab cards out of as it will be fluff. completely random words like mañana or lanzar are weirdly glued to my head specifically because I have a specific memory with them. like for lanzar I watched a little game trailer and a text prompt showed up saying ''lanzar roca'' for this fucking kid to just launch a whole ass rock at a dude across a bridge. which is goofy as fuck. the game was called pedros adventures btw.
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Also on the back of one of my vocab cards for the word 4th... I literally just put ''cuarto y cuarto'' fucking 10 times. because if you say cuarto 10x fast, it sounds like Squidward in Japanese which is fucking HILARIOUS.
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But if I could imagine imagery in a specific way it would really just be for nouns and numbers... and anything that has a very concrete meaning with just an image. like for example, you could have a game where an image flashes on the screen and you need to translate that image in your head or if you want by typing it or speaking it out loud. And you get feedback for elements of the image relayed... but I haven't spent much time thinking about that kind of thing cos its not on any to do list, but it would be pretty cool.
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its quite easy to curate examples as I'm watching these dreaming Spanish videos which is why id like to make some kind of sentence cards out of the clips. this is really because there is like a mix in my head between a sentence card and an example sentence on the back of a vocab card. Vocab cards are really the gateway for sentence cards imo. For any vocab card that has multiple definitions I need only create 1 vocab card for its primary use, and create sentence cards for its primary use and its different usages as I discover them through immersion. I can work out the nuance as I watch, read and write. and then as i immerse and gain enough vocabulary i will eventually bury more and more vocab cards and instead replace them with sentence cards. But of course, still using both in a balance.
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And ideally, all of this comes from something I highly associate with in my head. As in English; for any single word and phrase and etc., I have in my subconscious a lil smth-smth associated with that word in so many ways that I do not even realize. But I do not care to understand the little neural networks, just as I do not care to actually develop some stupid ass grammatical understanding before I even begin speaking or listening. but only to just create a 24 7 immersive study environment conducive to an almost gamified consumption that gradually improves my abilities over time. Right now it feels like i'm just trying to make a build, and I cant even start grinding the way I want to. I have tidbits here and there but I haven't worked it out entirely.
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And I do apologize if I seemed like there was friction between me and watching the dreaming Spanish videos when you had brought it up. it was just that as of now; everything I've been doing is just thinking of how to make this situation fairly seamless without needing any weird in-between steps just to do a single repetitive task. Like tagging and flagging cards is something you dont want to do manually, you want to do it with a key stroke or command. Books are easy to get, and I will be consuming the dreaming spanish videos now that I'm feeling how helpful they are compared to what I was doing before... Spanish dubs... alot of scrolling in tiktok... ALSO that one Spanish youtuber for chess called rey engima. He's like gotham chess but for Spanish which i absolutely love because I love chess and I needed a spanish way to consume it. Ive made alot of Spanish accounts for things and translated alot of UI into spanish. and I also downloaded urban VPN but i think that part was unnecessary asf.
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But really the annoying thing was how to approach anki. also, that 4 hour video I linked is really just an oversimplified text book to just get a general idea of a concept. Which is all I care about. Things like grammar are terribly taught in classrooms and that video just goes about it in a way I really like, atleast compared to every other explanation ive seen. I planned to just do just 30 minutes per day on that video as I focused on other things. but I got caught up with other random shit and then I kind of just set that video to the side... which is why i only watched 20 minutes of it.
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I am a really slow thinker, and things get to expedited when I get a foundation.
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In regards to what I mean when I said 'gamified element'. I don't mean to say things like grind and such like this is some MMORPG. I mean gamified in the sense that I get some kind of gamified feedback or feeling in a dopamine inducing form that encourages me to do really weird things to lock in that I dont anyone actually does. Like if im at the microwave and the numbers are going down, im literally saying those numbers in Spanish as they go down because in the end the main goal is to entirely quit using English as a crutch for the language and reach a point where you need only convert your conceptualizations into language and vice versa i.e., other Spanish speakers. But gamified elements provide for me an extremely significant way for me to engage with the language that I also really enjoy... cos im a weirdo. Being able to see how long I've spent on each card and other visual inputs about the outputs of my efforts are also cool, especially if displayed in a consumable manner to increase my receptivity.
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Anyways, hopefully I could at least give you an idea of what's going on in my head and what my goals are. This process has been poopoo stinky, and my brain is very poo poo stinky.