Hentai milk junkies

Milk & Milk Accessories

2010.02.14 05:02 Milk & Milk Accessories

This subreddit is for anything and everything Milk and things relating to milk (Ex. Cows)
[link]

2024.04.29 05:10 Icy-Lingonberry-2574 Translation & Release Status Update/Discussion - April 28

This is the weekly translation status update thread. Use this thread to discuss translation news, issues, titles you're looking forward to, etc.
Note: This is simply a mirror from 4chan's weekly thread on the /jp/ board. All credit goes to the user VNTS there. Entries in Bold have had changes since last week
Fan Translations
Official work
MangaGamer
JAST
Age titles
Sekai/Denpa
VisualArts
Nekonyan
PQube
Dualtail
Frontwing
Fakku
Saikey Studios (mix of official/unofficial)
HyoukanOpera
MAGES. GAMES
Voltage Inc.
Aksys
B-cluster
MediBang Inc.-
Kamitsubaki Studio
Dayu Zixun
Kemco Corporation
Shiravune
Kagura Games
Aniplex
Spike Chunsoft
Love Lab
DLsite
Idea Factory
CRAFTWORK
Harukaze
Moonchime
Alice In Dissonance
G-mode
HyoukanOpera
MiKandi Japan
Artlink
PRODUCTION PENCIL
072 Project
F&C
Eroge Japan
Tensei Games
GRAVITY GAME ARISE
Dark [Word I can't say due to Automod deleting my posts:(]
MintLip
Other
submitted by Icy-Lingonberry-2574 to visualnovels [link] [comments]

2024.04.25 20:32 darkgodcanine Album rule

Album rule submitted by darkgodcanine to 196 [link] [comments]

2024.04.25 07:43 Realistic-Bat-8944 Well well well

4m of acting got you no where 😂😂😂😂😂 ppl wising up 😂😂😂😂 didn't get much drug money 😂😂😂😂😂 there's the chunky junkie ju we all known for yrs 😂😂😂😂 hmm no mention of date other day probably got money then blocked him lucky escape lad but still wonder how much it cost ya 😂😂😂 fellow junkie been helping ya sort ya house no junkie ju he going though ya tat to see what he can sell 😂😂😂😂 you Will have them arrested by weekend for burglary grape etc man then beg to ya girlsssss 😂😂😂😂😂 same old stories repeated i mean walking streets with fellow junkie begging online for drug money walking around with a dog while yours locked in a room hope he shit and pee everywhere 😂😂😂😂 goung in chemist twice cause you off ya chops 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 the list goes and finally letting slip online you just use and milk ya followers 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂like we known for yrs he he haha ho ho just need some karma to come for you
submitted by Realistic-Bat-8944 to GeordieJulieAskew [link] [comments]

2024.04.23 05:26 soberingthought 'Tude Talk Tuesday for April 23, 2024

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!
Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.
I once heard someone say "I'm a comfort-seeker and a feel-good junkie" and that resonated with me.
A primary motivation for my drinking was to feel "better". For me, better meant to numb out my feelings and perhaps experience a ever-more fleeting moment of euphoria as the drink hit. Looking back on my drinking and using career, I spent so much time trying to control the ride to maximize my pleasure from my intoxicants. It's why I'd push them so hard and, ultimately, why I'd push them to the point that I lost control because that's really what I wanted, was to stop trying to control it.
In sobriety, I'm still a feel-good junkie. If there is something I get enjoyment or comfort from, I'm liable to abuse it, to squeeze it dry for every drop I can get from it. I find myself in enjoyable situations and something in the back of my head starts trying to manipulate the experience, to milk it for all its worth. And that causes me to lose the moment. It's taking me a long time to retrain my brain to just enjoy things as they are and not for what they could be.
So, how about you? How's your wiring in sobriety?
submitted by soberingthought to stopdrinking [link] [comments]

2024.04.22 02:54 Icy-Lingonberry-2574 Translation & Release Status Update/Discussion - April 21

This is the weekly translation status update thread. Use this thread to discuss translation news, issues, titles you're looking forward to, etc.
Note: This is simply a mirror from 4chan's weekly thread on the /jp/ board. All credit goes to the user VNTS there. Entries in Bold have had changes since last week
Fan Translations
Official work
MangaGamer
JAST
Age titles
Sekai/Denpa
VisualArts
Nekonyan
PQube
Dualtail
Frontwing
Fakku
Saikey Studios (mix of official/unofficial)
HyoukanOpera
MAGES. GAMES
Voltage Inc.
Aksys
B-cluster
MediBang Inc.-
Kamitsubaki Studio
Dayu Zixun
Vnka
Kemco Corporation
Shiravune
Kagura Games
Aniplex
Love Lab
DLsite
Idea Factory
CRAFTWORK
Harukaze
Moonchime
Alice In Dissonance
G-mode
HyoukanOpera
MiKandi Japan
Artlink
PRODUCTION PENCIL
072 Project
F&C
Eroge Japan
Tensei Games
GRAVITY GAME ARISE
Dark [Word I can't say due to Automod deleting my posts:(]
MintLip
Cherry Kiss
Other
submitted by Icy-Lingonberry-2574 to visualnovels [link] [comments]

2024.04.20 19:00 Correct-Return-2057 Just need some insights as to why my thoughts are like this, and what should I do.

I am 24M from India, what I am writing is true to every last detail.
When I was in nursery class (age:3 or 4 years), there was this boy (name:A) in my class. We were seated together because of our roll number. I don't remember much from that time, but he somehow knew about mastrubation, and taught me how to do that, he used to pull out his penis and ask me to press it down on his seat with my shoe( Literally like smashing a bug on ground.). He asked me to do the same and I used to do the same thing. There was something like this in daily basis. And I used to mastrubate daily at home.
I don't remember if this A person used to tell me about girls body parts, but I used to play with this neighborhood girl, she was younger than me and we played alone. I used to ask her to pull down her pants and used to explore her private parts with some stick (not penetration , just pressing it ) I didn't knew what i was doing , maybe I was just curious.
Next, my mom used to leave me with another aunty sometimes, and she has a small child and used to feed breast milk, I used to hide around some curtain or something and watched her breasts, she knew I was hiding but as she might have thought he is a kid , she never really hid her breasts around me.
I was not that intrested in girls body or anything. I was just curious about these 18+ things.
When I was older , in my KG, 1st class( age:4-5 years), I saw some photo of my mom in which some uncle was holding her waist by mistake. I was so excited to watch that, I used to tell my mom when ever we used to go outside to wear saree and show her stomach so that others can watch and touch it. I used to touch my mothers stomach everynight while sleeping as it felt good(in a soothing way) and it made me calm.
Next , when I changed school, throughout my life till 6th class I always found some guy in my class whom I used to teach this mastrubation stuff or I used to show him my penis and told him to press it or touch it. I acted like gay(didn't really knew what gay was at that time). I also found someone in my apartment building who knew advanced stuff like sex and such , he used to watch his parents do this, he used to ask me to bend and put my pants down and he used to touch his penis in my ass. No penetration, just touching and imitating the sex moves. Then afterwards we used to mastrubate.
I found many such similar guys in various school that I changed or at various places that I lived, I always found someone whom I used to slowly teach this stuff and do these things, like kissing(french) , each other mastrubation etc. I guess we just tried stuff that we learned from somewhere on each other.
(Basically we taught ourselves about these things by gathering things from here and there.)
When I came to class 7th , I think that time I hit puberty I got intrested in girls body (sexually) , and then I realised that all this I was doing with guys was what gay people did. (no offence , but in India gay thing was not taken in a positive light that time, so we boys didn't like gay stuff). From 6th class onwards I used to watch nude pics/ porn/ Indian incest stories etc. these incest stories about mom & son etc really excited me and I used to mastrubate thinking this stuff. From mom and son it escalated to mom being forced to have sex with other men or mom's gangbang stories. I used to fantasize other men having their way with my mom. But....... I was just excited by this taboo thought, but whenever I saw my mom's face , I didn't really liked the idea. It was all just the thought of my mom being ravished by others. Not in reality.
I found someone in my class and used to tell him these things and he used to talk dirty about my mom and inused to get excited by all those things. I found similar boys here and there and used to tell them lies that my mom fucks gaurd, or my mom is gangbanged etc and when they used to talk bad about my mom I really liked it. I also liked older women around me and used to fantasize about having sex with them and masturbated to that. . . . . All fast forward to now, I have graduated my engineering college , and by noticing other people's respect about their parents and things . I realised that all this was wrong. Now I don't fantasize about my mom with others . But I now like girls my age , but it's just that my porn addiction, mastrubation addiction is so high and I have developed so much fantasies like public sex/foreplay , sharing gf or wife, etc . I know if NTR happened with my in real life , I found be heart broken, but just the thought is so exciting that I now watch these things.
Now masturbation and watching 18+ manhwa, hentai, porn is like a cope up mechanism for me to escape from difficult and stressful thoughts or situations.
I am not really able to leave this and now I don't even get and erection on watching porn, but it's just a habit of mastrubation, and I mastrubate just out of habit and out of coping from difficult situations.
Can someone guide or help me regarding what to do. I am really upset about all this and I dont really want to objectify women anymore, I want to think of them as normal humans and not some sex material. I am not able to view women normally and sex and 18+ stuff or literally 24*7 on my mind when ever I am with any women. I view womens breast or ass or body, before watching her face now.
I am really frustrated. Please help.🙏
submitted by Correct-Return-2057 to NoFap [link] [comments]

2024.04.16 05:52 eloquentlywrite-it Alliteration - repetition of consonant sounds in close proximity. EG: Sally sells seashells by the seashore."

Alliteration
Let us begin with something we know Shakespeare stole, simply so that we can see what a wonderful thief he was. When Shakespeare decided to write The Tragedie of Anthonie, and Cleopatra he of course needed a history book from which to work. The standard work on the subject was Plutarch's Lives of the Noble Greeks and Romans, but Plutarch wrote in Greek, and, as Shakespeare's friend Ben Jonson later pointed out, "thou hadst small Latin and less Greek."
Despite years at Stratford Grammar School learning pretty much nothing but the classics, Shakespeare could never be bothered with foreign languages. He always used translations.
So he got hold of the standard English translation of Plu- tarch, which had been written by a chap called Thomas North and published in 1579. We know that this is the version
Shakespeare used because you can sometimes see him using the same word that North used, and sometimes pairs of words. But when Shakespeare got to the big speech of the whole play, when he really needed some poetry, when he wanted true greatness, when he wanted to describe the moment that Antony saw Cleopatra on the barge and fell in love with her he just found the relevant paragraph in North and copied it out almost word for word. Almost word for word. Here's North:
she disdained to set forward otherwise but to take her barge in the river Cydnus, the poop whereof was of gold, the sails of purple, and the oars of silver, which kept stroke in rowing after the sound of the music of flutes, howboys, cithernes, viols, and such other instru- ments as they played up in the barge.
And here's Shakespeare:
The barge she sat in like a burnished throne, Burned on the water: the poop was beaten gold; Purple the sails and so perfumed that The winds were lovesick with them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made The water which they beat to follow faster, As amorous of their strokes.
The thing about this is that it's definitely half stolen. There is no possible way that Shakespeare didn't have North open on his desk when he was writing. But also, Shakespeare made little changes. That means that we can actually watch Shakespeare working. We can peep back 400 years and see the greatest genius who ever lived scribbling away. We can see how he did it, and it's really pretty bloody simple. All he did was add some alliteration.
Nobody knows why we love to hear words that begin with the same letter, but we do and Shakespeare knew it. So he picked the word barge and worked from there. Barge begins with a B, so Shakespeare sat back and said to himself: "The barge she sat in was like a..." And then (though I can't prove this) he said: "Ba... ba... ba... burnished throne." He jotted that down and then he decided to do another. "The barge she sat in like a burnished throne... ba...ba... burned? It burned on the water." And the poop was gold? Not any more: the poop was beaten gold. That's four Bs in two lines. Enough to be getting on with. Shakespeare could have got carried away and written something like:
The barge she basked in, like a burnished boat Burned by the banks, the back was beaten brass.
But that would just be silly. Of course, Shakespeare did write like that sometimes. There's a bit in A Midsummer Night's Dream that goes:
Whereat, with blade, with bloody blameful blade, He bravely broached his boiling bloody breast; But there he was taking the mickey out of poets who use alliteration but don't know where to stop. No, Shakespeare wasn't going to put any more Bs in, he was working on the P North's original had "the poop whereof was of gold, the sails of purple." That's two Ps already, so Shakespeare decided that the sails would be pa... pa... perfumed. Maybe he stopped to wonder how you would perfume a whole sail, or how you might be able to smell them from the river bank (the Cydnus is quite wide). Or maybe he didn't. Accuracy is much less important than alliteration.
From there on in, Shakespeare was coasting. North had "After the sound" so Shakespeare had "to the tune." North had a whole orchestra of instruments "flutes, howboys, cithernes, viols"-Shakespeare cut that down to just flutes, because he liked the F. So flutes made the "Water Which they beat to Follow Faster, As Amorous of their strokes."
So Shakespeare stole; but he did wonderful things with his plunder. He's like somebody who nicks your old socks and then darns them. Shakespeare simply knew that people are suckers for alliteration and that it's pretty damned easy to make something alliterate (or that it's surprisingly simple to add alliteration).
You can spend all day trying to think of some universal truth to set down on paper, and some poets try that. Shake- speare knew that it's much easier to string together some words beginning with the same letter. It doesn't matter what it's about. It can be the exact depth in the sea to which a chap's corpse has sunk; hardly a matter of universal interest, but if you say, "Full fathom five thy father lies," you will be considered the greatest poet who ever lived. Express precisely the same thought any other way-e.g. "your father's corpse is 9.144 metres below sea level" and you're just a coastguard with some bad news.
Any phrase, so long as it alliterates, is memorable and will be believed even if it's a bunch of nonsense. Curiosity, for example, did not kill the cat. There are no widely reported cases of felines dying from being too inquisitive. In fact, the original proverb was not "curiosity killed the cat" (which is recorded only from 1921), it was "care killed the cat." And even that one was changed. When the proverb was first recorded (in Shakespeare, actually, although he seems to be just referring to a well known bit of folk wisdom), care meant sorrow or unhappiness. But by the twentieth century it was care in the sense of too much kindness-something along the lines of a pet that is overfed and pampered. In a hundred years' time it may be something else that does the pussy- killing, although you can be certain that whatever it is- kindness, consternation or corruption-will begin with a C or K.
Similarly, there was once an old proverb, "An ynche in a misse is as good as an ell," an ell being an old unit of mea- surement of 1.1 miles. So the ell was changed to a mile, and then the inch was dropped because it doesn't begin with an M, and we were left with "A miss is as good as a mile," which, if you think about it, doesn't really make sense any
more. But who needs sense when you have alliteration? Nobody has ever thrown a baby out with the bathwater, nor is there anything particularly right about rain. Even when something does make a bit of sense, it's usually deve ous why the comparison was picked. It takes two to tang but it takes two to waltz as well. There are whole hogs, b why not pigs? Bright as a button. Cool as a cucumber. Dead as a doornail. In fact, Dickens made this point rather bette than I at the opening of A Christmas Carol.
Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door- nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile, and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Except that Dickens knew full well why it is doornails that are dead. Dickens was a writer, and as a writer, he knew that alliteration is the simplest way to turn a memorable phrase. This was, after all, the guy who had written Nicholas Nick- leby, The Pickwick Papers (full title: The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club) and, indeed, A Christmas Carol. He knew which side his bread was buttered, as had those who came before him, like Jane Austen (Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice), and those who came after him (Where's Wally?) So popular is alliteration that in the 1960s it actually made a grab for political power. In the 1960s a vast radical youth movement began campaigning to do things for the sole reason that they began with the same letter. Ban the bomb. Burn your bra. Power to the people. For a moment there it seemed as though alliteration would change the world. But then the spirit of idealism faded and those who had manned the barricades went off and got jobs in market- ing. They stopped telling people to ban the bomb and started telling them to put a tiger in your tank, chuck out the chintz and use Access-Your Flexible Friend, or perhaps PayPal. And all because the lady loves Milk Tray.
It's enough to get your goat.¹
Alliteration can be brief and obvious-a short, sharp, shock. Or it can be long and subtle. John Keats once wrote fourteen lines of Fs and Ss, and it was beautiful:
Deep in the shady sadness of a vale Far sunken from the healthy breath of morn, Far from the fiery noon, and eve's one star, Sat gray-hair'd Saturn, quiet as a stone, Still as the silence round about his lair; Forest on forest hung about his head Like cloud on cloud. No stir of air was there, Not so much life as on a summer's day Robs not one light seed from the feather'd grass, But where the dead leaf fell, there did it rest. A stream went voiceless by, still deadened more By reason of his fallen divinity Spreading a shade: the Naiad 'mid her reeds Press'd her cold finger closer to her lips.
Whereas, at almost the same time, Thomas De Quincer famous junkie and prose stylist, got himself all muddled up over this sentence:
At present, after exchanging a few parting words, and a few final or farewell farewells with my faithful female agent.
So muddled was he that he decided to add a footnote apolo- gising for his paroemion (that's the technical name for exces- sive alliteration). The footnote went:
Some people are irritated, or even fancy themselves insulted, by overt acts of alliteration, as many people are by puns. On their account, let me say, that, although there are here eight separate f's in less than half a sentence, this is to be held as pure accident. In fact, at one time there were nine f's in the original cast of the sentence, until I, in pity of the affronted people, substi- tuted female agent for female friend.
"Agent" seems a strange substitution for "friend." But he probably had to do it as he couldn't change "farewell fart wells." It's much too clever to use a word as an adjective and then a noun. In fact, the trick has a name. It's called polyptoton.
​
Own Explanation:
why are not vowels used in alliteration
Consonant sounds tend to create sharper, more distinct sounds compared to vowels, which are produced with less constriction of airflow.
​
explain alliteration in one lineChatGPTChatGPT
Alliteration is the repetition of consonant sounds in close proximity within a phrase or sentence.
​
"The Wizard of Oz" (1939), in the scene where the Scarecrow sings his song "If I Only Had a Brain":
"I'd unravel every riddle For any individ'le In trouble or in pain."
The repeated "r" sound in "ravel," "riddle," "individ'le," and "trouble" demonstrates alliteration, creating a rhythmic and memorable quality to the lyrics.
​
"The Shining" (1980), directed by Stanley Kubrick. In one of the iconic scenes, Jack Torrance, played by Jack Nicholson, types the same sentence repeatedly on his typewriter:
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."
This sentence showcases alliteration with the repeated "w" sound in "work" and "play," as well as the repeated "d" sound in "dull" and "boy." The use of alliteration in this context adds to the eerie and unsettling atmosphere of the film.
​
"Jurassic Park" (1993), directed by Steven Spielberg. In the scene where Dr. Ian Malcolm, played by Jeff Goldblum, is discussing chaos theory, he says:
"Life, uh, finds a way."
The repeated "f" sound in "finds" and "way" creates alliteration in this memorable line.
​
​
"Goldfinger" (1964), there's a famous line delivered by the character Auric Goldfinger, played by Gert Fröbe:
"Do you expect me to talk?"
To which James Bond, portrayed by Sean Connery, responds:
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."
The repeated "e" sound in "expect" and "me" creates alliteration in this intense exchange.
​
"The Dark Knight" (2008), the character Harvey Dent, played by Aaron Eckhart, delivers a line with alliteration:
"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
The repeated "h" sound in "hero" and "yourself" creates alliteration in this memorable quote.
​
submitted by eloquentlywrite-it to u/eloquentlywrite-it [link] [comments]

2024.04.15 17:43 philip-lurkin Good micro-adjustments for bringing down a 5.7?

Hi everyone,
Seems like this board gets a lot of panicky 5.7 posts (sorry to add to the noise!), but I'm curious in your collective expertise what you'd recommend as a good micro-adjustment to bring a 5.7 down just a bit further.
I am a relatively fit and healthy 39 year old male with bad genes (unhealthy/overweight/alcoholic parents, pancreatic cancer in grandparent). Last year I pulled a 5.8 and wiped a lot of sugar from my diet -- no junky cereals, no more occasional candy, switched to 0g sugar yogurts (they taste good enough for me!), I snack on nuts now, added unsweetened almond milk into the mix -- and got on a consistent 2x a week cardio workout schedule (peloton). A1C dropped to 5.7 after a year of that.
I want to add another layer of healthy habits into the mix that will help. Would you recommend I look to more dietary adjustments, or try to up my exercise? I've seen posts about strength training, which I could add into the mix. I weight 175 and could use to lose maybe 5-10 lbs (but they're proving to be quite difficult to shake.)
I've got a 3 year old, which comes with the frequent stress-overload and the occasional nugget dinner. I don't have the bandwidth to do a huge life-adjustment but feel like I'm on the right track and can manage a little bit more course-correction.
Would very much appreciate your recommendations! Thank you for your time :)
EDIT: Huge thanks to everyone for your replies!
submitted by philip-lurkin to prediabetes [link] [comments]

2024.04.15 03:14 Icy-Lingonberry-2574 Translation & Release Status Update/Discussion - April 14

This is the weekly translation status update thread. Use this thread to discuss translation news, issues, titles you're looking forward to, etc.
Note: This is simply a mirror from 4chan's weekly thread on the /jp/ board. All credit goes to the user VNTS there. Entries in Bold have had changes since last week
Fan Translations
Official work
MangaGamer
JAST
Age titles
Sekai/Denpa
VisualArts
Nekonyan
PQube
Dualtail
Frontwing
Fakku
Saikey Studios (mix of official/unofficial)
HyoukanOpera
MAGES. GAMES
Voltage Inc.
Aksys
B-cluster
MediBang Inc.-
Kamitsubaki Studio
Dayu Zixun
Shiravune
Kagura Games
Aniplex
Love Lab
DLsite
Idea Factory
CRAFTWORK
Harukaze
Moonchime
Alice In Dissonance
G-mode
HyoukanOpera
MiKandi Japan
Artlink
PRODUCTION PENCIL
072 Project
F&C
Eroge Japan
Tensei Games
GRAVITY GAME ARISE
Dark [Word I can't say due to Automod deleting my posts:(]
MintLip
Cherry Kiss
Other
submitted by Icy-Lingonberry-2574 to visualnovels [link] [comments]

2024.04.13 16:09 SpideryUncle550 Can't load save after installing a mod

My game has this issue which make me unable to download any mod not matter how small or insignificant it is cause it would lead to my game CTDing while loading my save , this issue has happens on long running saves which is quite annoying cause i can't download a simple patch or an new armor mod , i tried all the fixies i could think of i have Engine fixes with the memory fix on and im desperate cause it's going on for a while PS : im running 1.5 pre AE version of skyrim
Here's my mod list (yes i do have some haram mods)
0 0 Skyrim.esm
1 1 Update.esm
2 2 Dawnguard.esm
3 3 HearthFires.esm
4 4 Dragonborn.esm
5 5 Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp
6 6 SexLab.esm
7 7 Devious Devices - Assets.esm
8 8 LegacyoftheDragonborn.esm
9 9 SexLabAroused.esm
10 a Devious Devices - Integration.esm
11 b Devious Devices - Expansion.esm
12 c Devious Devices - Contraptions.esm
254 FE 0 Lux - Resources.esp
13 d Lux Via.esp
14 e Water for ENB.esm
254 FE 1 Lux Orbis - Master plugin.esm
15 f Smooth Weapon.esm
16 10 arnima.esm
254 FE 2 OCF.esp
17 11 Campfire.esm
18 12 ZaZAnimationPack.esm
19 13 Vigilant.esm
20 14 HentaiPregnancy.esm
21 15 High Poly Head.esm
22 16 ApachiiHairFemales.esm
23 17 CreatureFramework.esm
24 18 daymoyl.esm
254 FE 3 Expressive Facegen Morphs.esl
25 19 Heels Sound.esm
254 FE 4 HighHeelsCondition.esp
254 FE 5 AHZmoreHUD.esl
26 1a Schlongs of Skyrim - Core.esm
254 FE 6 TrueHUD.esl
254 FE 7 Lux - Master plugin.esm
254 FE 8 wkup.esm
254 FE 9 Particle Patch for ENB.esp
27 1b SkyUI_SE.esp
28 1c SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp
254 FE a Lux Orbis.esp
29 1d ImprovedRoads.esp
254 FE b Lux Via - plugin.esp
30 1e NAT-ENB.esp
31 1f MilkModNEW.esp
32 20 MilkMod_MilkPumpsFancy.esp
33 21 LC_BuildYourNobleHouse.esp
34 22 SeranaDialogAddon.esp
254 FE c Lux Orbis - LotD patch.esp
35 23 Odin - Skyrim Magic Overhaul.esp
36 24 SexLab Confabulation.esp
37 25 SexLab_DibellaCult.esp
38 26 Embers XD.esp
39 27 NewArmoury.esp
40 28 Milk Addict.esp
41 29 bac.esp
42 2a FurnitureMarkerSex.esp
43 2b Clockwork.esp
44 2c Devious Devices For Him.esp
45 2d Devious Devices - BRRF.esp
254 FE d Devious Devices SE patch.esp
254 FE e Lux Via - Less lanterns plugin.esp
46 2e Lit Road Signs.esp
47 2f Alpha.esp
48 30 SimpleSlavery.esp
254 FE f DIbella's Blessing.esp
49 31 AmazingFollowerTweaks.esp
50 32 DeviousFollowers.esp
51 33 MoreNastyCritters.esp
52 34 Bijin AIO.esp
Bijin NPCs.esp
Bijin Wives.esp
Bijin Warmaidens.esp
254 FE 10 TrueDirectionalMovement.esp
53 35 EldenSkyrim.esp
54 36 EldenSkyrim_RimSkills.esp
254 FE 11 EldenWarAshPack1.esp
55 37 EldenPerkTree.esp
56 38 sam.esp
254 FE 12 DynamicBlockHit.esp
254 FE 13 separated Slash Effects X.esp
254 FE 14 [ELLE] Dark Rebel.esp
254 FE 15 [COCO] Devil Claw.esp
254 FE 16 AhegaoTongues.esp
57 39 PC Head Tracking - MCM.esp
58 3a PC Head Tracking - Patch.esp
254 FE 17 DBM_Vigilant_Patch.esp
59 3b Public Whore.esp
60 3c The Dungeon.esp
61 3d Missives.esp
62 3e ForgottenCity.esp
254 FE 18 RimImpactOfMob.esp
63 3f SL Dirty Deeds Missives.esp
254 FE 19 Lux Orbis - USSEP patch.esp
254 FE 1a DBM_BeyondReach_Patch.esp
64 40 Apophysis_DPM_SE.esp
254 FE 1b DBM_Clockwork_Patch.esp
254 FE 1c DBM_ForgottenCity_Patch.esp
254 FE 1d Embers XD - Patch - Lux Via.esp
254 FE 1e DBM_Missives_Patch.esp
254 FE 1f DBM_SMIM_Patch.esp
65 41 SexLab Inflation Framework.esp
254 FE 20 Keytrace.esp
254 FE 21 KeyTraceForEldenRim.esp
254 FE 22 RimImpactOfPlayer.esp
66 42 RaceMenu.esp
67 43 RaceMenuPlugin.esp
254 FE 23 Smooth Animation.esp
68 44 ERF - Futanari CBBE - Equippable.esp
69 45 SOS - ERF - Futanari CBBE - Addon.esp
254 FE 24 Vigilant Voiced.esp
70 46 SOSRaceMenu.esp
71 47 XPMSE.esp
254 FE 25 YMMP.esp
72 48 WetFunction.esp
73 49 Skyland Watercolor - Slow Green-Vanilla.esp
254 FE 26 Water for ENB - Patch - Beyond Reach.esp
74 4a UIExtensions.esp
75 4b Tullius Hair.esp
76 4c SOS - TRX - Futanari Addon Horse.esp
77 4d Spank That Ass.esp
254 FE 27 TESL-LoadingScreens.esp
254 FE 28 [Odd] RyanReos Spartan Hoplite.esp
78 4e SlaveTats.esp
254 FE 29 SlaveTatsEventsBridge.esp
79 4f SLALAnimObjBillyy.esp
80 50 SexLabDefeat.esp
81 51 SexyMannequinJoldi_SSE.esp
82 52 High Poly Head Vampire Fix.esp
83 53 Moonlight Tales Special Edition.esp
84 54 MonsterLipSync1.esp
85 55 Serana.esp
86 56 Sexlab ABBA Voices.esp
87 57 SexLab Aroused Creatures.esp
254 FE 2a scar-adxp-patch.esp
254 FE 2b [Ryan Reos] Dark Elf Blader.esp
254 FE 2c NAT - Patch - Rudy ENB.esp
88 58 ABBA.esp
89 59 My Home Is Your Home.esp
90 5a RosaFollower.esp
254 FE 2d QuickLootEE.esp
254 FE 2e Precision.esp
254 FE 2f PENIS_IconsAddon.esp
91 5b InigoPerkPointGiver.esp
254 FE 30 [dint999] MysteriousKnightSet.esp
254 FE 31 MoonsAndStars.esp
92 5c MilkModNEW CF.esp
93 5d MilkModNEW HF.esp
254 FE 32 MCMHelper.esp
254 FE 33 LotD Visual Overhaul.esp
254 FE 34 LC_BuildYourNobleHouseV1_4 - Build with Gold Patch.esp
94 5e KziitdXXXToolset.esp
95 5f Landlord.esp
96 60 KS Hairdo's.esp
254 FE 35 JS Dragon Claws AE - Legacy of the Dragonborn.esp
254 FE 36 [immyneedscake] RyanReos Primrose Egypt.esp
97 61 Holiday Gift Hairdos.esp
98 62 ValhallaCombat.esp
99 63 Hellblade - Timed Block.esp
254 FE 37 HeelsFix.esp
100 64 HentaiCreatures.esp
254 FE 38 Headhunter - Bounties Redone.esp
254 FE 39 BountiesRedone_MissivesExtension.esp
101 65 HavoksLipPatterns.esp
254 FE 3a Kardia of Rhodes.esp
102 66 Amarith.esp
103 67 FNIS.esp
104 68 sr_FillHerUp.esp
254 FE 3b FleshFX.esp
254 FE 3c First Person Camera Height Fix.esp
105 69 dD - Enhanced Blood Main.esp
254 FE 3d dwPalmAndSoleOverlays-SE.esp
106 6a Daedric Chainmail Rework - CBBE 3BBB Bodyslide.esp
254 FE 3e [COCO] Shadow Assassin.esp
254 FE 3f [COCO]BattleAngels.esp
254 FE 40 3BBB.esp
254 FE 41 SOSPhysicsManager.esp
254 FE 42 BD Armor and clothes replacer.esp
254 FE 43 CBBE.esp
107 6b RaceMenuMorphsCBBE.esp
254 FE 44 BB Pack by Team TAL.esp
254 FE 45 BakaMotionData.esp
108 6c BarenziahQuestMarkers.esp
254 FE 46 ASS_IconsAddon.esp
254 FE 47 BOOBIES_ImmersiveIcons.esp
109 6d AnubAnimObj.esp
254 FE 48 AnimatedArmoryVigilantPatchESM.esp
110 6e aMidianborn_Skyforge_Weapons.esp
111 6f icepenguinworldmapclassic.esp
112 70 AddItemMenuSE.esp
113 71 FaceSculptorsRacemenu.esp
254 FE 49 NewStatueOfShalidorMagicLights.esp
254 FE 4a ahzFleetKnight.esp
254 FE 4b OH Jannedaarc by Team TAL.esp
254 FE 4c Missives - Solstheim.esp
114 72 AMatterOfTime.esp
254 FE 4d AttackSpeedConvert.esp
115 73 VioLens SE.esp
116 74 Attack_DXP.esp
254 FE 4e BetterThirdPersonSelection.esp
254 FE 4f Egil's Demon Hunter.esp
254 FE 50 BikiniRobesStandalone.esp
254 FE 51 CollisionReset.esp
254 FE 52 war scythe.esp
254 FE 53 metaSkillMenu.esp
117 75 DIVERSE SKYRIM.esp
254 FE 54 DrossFollower.esp
254 FE 55 DX Fetish Fashion Volume 1 SE.esp
254 FE 56 Ebonscale.esp
254 FE 57 Demon Hunter Schyte.esp
118 76 eldenrimSpecialstagger.esp
254 FE 58 EvenMoreMakeup.esp
119 77 FMS_FemaleMakeupSuite.esp
254 FE 59 Brows.esp
254 FE 5a I4IconAddon.esp
254 FE 5b Koralina's Makeup Tweaks.esp
254 FE 5c KSHairdosSMP.esp
254 FE 5d KziitdFeitshSet-BdsmMaid.esp
254 FE 5e McmRecorder.esp
120 78 MikanEyes All in one SE.esp
254 FE 5f [Odd] MilkMaid.esp
121 79 MK Poser.esp
254 FE 60 SolitudeThroneFix_BOS.esp
122 7a VisualAnimatedEnchants.esp
254 FE 61 Daedric Pei Only sex.esp
254 FE 62 Nun Knight Armor.esp
123 7b RaceMenuHH.esp
254 FE 63 ReadTheRoom.esp
124 7c E_RoshutsuSuit.esp
254 FE 64 Sakora's Make Over Kit for SKSE64.esp
125 7d SexLab_DibellaCult_Sisters.esp
126 7e SLSO.esp
127 7f SexyMannequinsFemaleHF_SSE.esp
254 FE 65 ShowPlayerInMenus.esp
128 80 SFO_SkinFeatureOverlays.esp
254 FE 66 Skoglendi - A Grass Mod.esp
254 FE 67 Skoglendi - Brown Tundra Add-On.esp
129 81 SkyHUD.esp
130 82 SLAnimLoader.esp
131 83 SmoothCam.esp
254 FE 68 Sonders_Keyword_Distribution.esp
132 84 SOS - Smurf Average Addon.esp
133 85 SOS - VectorPlexus Muscular Addon.esp
134 86 SOS - VectorPlexus Regular Addon.esp
135 87 Schlongs of Skyrim.esp
136 88 StrangeRunes.esp
137 89 Sunstarved_Tanlines.esp
138 8a TheEyesOfBeauty.esp
254 FE 69 [TheMilkDrinker] Kinnari Armor.esp
139 8b Thuum.esp
140 8c TKDodge.esp
141 8d SOS - TRX - Futanari Addon.esp
142 8e Tullius Eyes.esp
143 8f mernUmbraelFollower.esp
254 FE 6a Airgetlam.esp
254 FE 6b Embers XD - Fire Magick Add-On.esp
254 FE 6c Embers XD - Patch - Lux Orbis & LOS2.esp
144 90 Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim.esp
145 91 Odin - Ordinator Compatibility Patch.esp
254 FE 6d 06.OrdinatorPAmco-kjg.esp
254 FE 6e Ordinator - Apply Spell Conditions Fix.esp
146 92 Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp
147 93 DBM_RelicHunter.esp
254 FE 6f Lux Orbis - Alternate Start patch.esp
148 94 Water for ENB (Shades of Skyrim).esp
149 95 Lux.esp
254 FE 70 LUX - Apocrypha Patch - Rudy ENB NAT.esp
254 FE 71 Lux - Clockwork.esp
254 FE 72 Lux - Embers XD patch.esp
254 FE 73 Lux - USSEP patch.esp
254 FE 74 Lux - Water for ENB patch.esp
254 FE 75 Lux - Forgotten City.esp
254 FE 76 Lux - Legacy of the Dragonborn patch.esp
254 FE 77 Lux - Live Another Life patch.esp
254 FE 78 Lux - Vigilant patch.esp
254 FE 79 Lux - Vigilant weathers.esp
254 FE 7a Lux - Brighter interior nights.esp
254 FE 7b Lux - Brighter LOTD Template 5.esp
submitted by SpideryUncle550 to skyrimmods [link] [comments]

2024.04.13 00:44 CombinationForward38 My fiancé is weird

So me (f21) and my fiancé (m33) are engaged for 4 months, dating for 6 months, and friends for 2 years. I’ve heard from him that he had a piss fetish, breast milk fetish and hentai fetish. His landing page when you open his safari is “lemonparty” (the three old men in the bath tub performing oral on each other). He watches monkeys mate on video. And most of that I was fine with for the most part :/.
These last few weeks he’s been “threatening to poop on my face/ in my mouth” which I took as jokes until I looked at his watch history and it was shocking and disgusting to say the least. I’m not comfortable with it at all.
What do I do? How do I confront him? What would you do in this situation?
submitted by CombinationForward38 to AITAH [link] [comments]

2024.04.11 18:30 KumaMishka Trans Lesbian IRL : The Dating Sim Game

Tagline : You are a trans lesbian in a very transphobic and heteronormative world. You broke up with your cis girlfriend for a year now. Loneliness drive you to seek for someone. Somebody to love. Who would that be
Love Interest Characters:
LUNA (She/Her) One of the well known discord mod. (by well known I mean 50 people) FPS games junkie that sometimes will share the stat with 47/2 K/D rate while moaning "I am worse at these games after HRT. I should stick to VN now!". She is the very simple route to playthrough TBH. She's already into you and seem like asking you out a lot after lovebombing you in chat you are so afraid that she will turn out to be a scammer. Actually, She has a polycule. If you choose this route you will become one of her polycule but you might not feel "into" all other folks in her polycule and this might initiate some discomfort in which you will have to manage with some skill check. UNLESS your created character's race IS NOT WHITE. Then you will have a lot harder time getting into her polycule in which you might feel very alienated, isolated, singled out, not getting featured in any TwitteThreads Circle post (/uj whatever the f*ck that is) /rj you might as well wave her goodbye at the bittersweet non-white trans ending.
Charisa (She/They) Nerdy girl and activist from Gayland who will always be tsundere about being queer activist "Ugh, I hate calling myself activist. It sound self-righteous af." You will meet her at some Egoist milk club which will close down after 4 months because Land Lord happened. After that you will have to find her at some book stores or protest sites around the town. She might swing by with some cis girl(s) around her sometime. Someone might look "Very close" to her but you have to choose the choice where you believe her when she said "They are just my friends!" because turn out it really is... Charisa will look like a character with commitment problem but you all know being trans women and being lesbian at the same time in this f*king world is lonesome af so choose the choice that you would "Intellectualize" about this issue that will impress her and win her! better with Wong Kar Wai music in the background. Don't worry if she said "Nice Spooks, nerd." back sometimes she said it in tsundere/ironic manner... sometimes...
Laura (She/Her) (actually she never tell you but being cis so I assume as such. Don't cancel me if I misgender cis.) To cut it short, She is a chaser. Who will chase your girldick to the end of time. If you plan to do the Bottom Surgery Route, skip her. But if you really feel compelled by how much she love girldick she's the better choice,.. I think... why would you do this!!? she might not even see you as a woman lol. Actually skip her and all. Unless you are really horny... I haven't play this route enough to know if there were a redemption arc for her (to actually be trans lover and not chaser) or not so... yeah... triggering for me to just do walkthrough about her. Only think I like about her is that her very being make TERFs "genital preference" group mouth fumingly angry.
Lin Chi Ling / Julia Lin (She/HeZe/They) Look at her pronouns. She might sound like a "theyfab" to you but she is actually just very into her Gender Studies and claim "I do these to show that gender does not matter to me." But next thing she will say would be something very cisnormative and binarism that will give you headache for someone who try to claim to make "gender does not matter". She's just ignorant in good faith you need to educate her more and take time slowly with her. She will ask you to go with her to the women bathroom just to show that she's a good ally and this... when no one is around she will ask some intrusive things about trans bodies and other issues. Be calm with her and take to circlejerk forum to vent it out instead of venting directly to her or you will end up in Contrapoint video. Yes, do educate her carefully and she will be more and more into you for some weird reason.
(more romance characters coming in the next dlc....)
Other NPC
Kate Blanc (She/They) : Cis woman who is a nonbinary-chaser with vagina fetishism. Don't even try to befriend her or she will mistaken you as "being into her" and try to bully you away. Also they will love using AGAB language it's annoying for me I wish they have "skip only Kate Blanc dialogue" option.
Evangeline (She/Her) : Love chatting with you on HER. Not matter how much you tell her that you are trans she will insist to see you and then being so mad when she actually see you irl and ghost you after that. There is a rumour that her unused character art is a red-hared girl with twintail.
Darun (He/Him) : A trans man who will mistaken you as a trans straight but don't spook out, He is actually respectful and back away and just be a good friend with you when you are direct about being a lesbian.
Boris (He/Him) : The opposite of Darun I will just leave you at that. Just swipe left if He try to add you on HER. Yes, On HER app. Or else headache will ensue. He won't even listen that you are a lesbian and claim that because he is a lesbian too. If your "femininity" stat is low enough, like Evangeline, he might not even show up at all.
Boonmee (He/They) : "Cis man" in the first half of the game and then you will crack their egg as a nonbinary person at the last half. Will add you on Videogame website chat but never flirt with you and instead claim that you are his "Aneki" (big sis) yes, he's a weeb. Just play as cool big sis with them. They mean no harm and will actually help you in some scenes.
Matthew (He/Him) : Think Laura but worse. Male chaser who will try to make you his unicorn, exoticize you, fetishize you and don't care even if you say you are a lesbian. Avoid at all cost.
Misha (She/They) : Another trans woman character who will chat "Hello, how are you." and then silent when you text back but the next 4-5 days she will text the same seentence without any progress about the dialogue, to the point that it get eerie. She might as well be a bot. The underdeveloped character from dev. oversight+crunch working time. But the dev. actually come out about this and said that "Her character really reflect what happened in some dating app. Some people actually behave like this." idk if I should believe this.
submitted by KumaMishka to transgendercirclejerk [link] [comments]

2024.04.07 23:27 Icy-Lingonberry-2574 Translation & Release Status Update/Discussion - April 7

This is the weekly translation status update thread. Use this thread to discuss translation news, issues, titles you're looking forward to, etc.
Note: This is simply a mirror from 4chan's weekly thread on the /jp/ board. All credit goes to the user VNTS there. Entries in Bold have had changes since last week
Fan Translations
Official work
MangaGamer
JAST
Age titles
Sekai/Denpa
VisualArts
Nekonyan
PQube
Dualtail
Frontwing
Fakku
Saikey Studios (mix of official/unofficial)
HyoukanOpera
MAGES. GAMES
Voltage Inc.
Aksys
B-cluster
MediBang Inc.-
Kamitsubaki Studio
Dayu Zixun
Shiravune
Kagura Games
Aniplex
Love Lab
DLsite
Idea Factory
CRAFTWORK
Harukaze
Moonchime
Alice In Dissonance
G-mode
HyoukanOpera
MiKandi Japan
Artlink
PRODUCTION PENCIL
072 Project
F&C
Eroge Japan
Tensei Games
GRAVITY GAME ARISE
Shinyuden
Dark [Word I can't say due to Automod deleting my posts:(]
MintLip
Cherry Kiss
Bushimo
Other
submitted by Icy-Lingonberry-2574 to visualnovels [link] [comments]

2024.04.06 05:21 Neat-Medium-7655 Please Help me. I quit my job 2.5 years ago (25M now) trying to make a better mind/body/life for me. I am worse now than when I started and will only get worse unless something is done

My last and only job was factory work for 3 years making wires for cars. I should have left a lot earlier but I convinced myself that that was all I was good for and stayed there for 2 and half years longer than I should have. But there was no present nor future in that trash of a barely paying job so after my colleague who put me down almost every day left, after a lot of months, I actually gained some confidence, realized that I was not worthless and that he was the problem, and decided to leave it so I could make something out of myself while I lived with parents who could financially handle me.
However, nothing turned out right.
I am a very easily addictable person. Very. Even as a kid, I was watching TV for 12h straight everyday without any problems. I barely had any time and how I don’t have any eyesight problems is beyond me. I stopped watching TV and I simply removed it from my room. The problem was finally gone, right? No. One addiction is exchanged for another one or is just mixed with another one.
Here are the biggest ones:
TV>Facebook Games>Anime (I have watched more in a couple of years than some people will do in their lifetime)>Manga>Movies>Series>Porn>Hentai>YouTube>Reddit>Pokemon Go> Now it is Manhwa (comics)
And the food is always in there somewhere because I have more food in my house than some small stores (I didn’t buy them, my unreasonable food junkie of a father that literally looks like he carries 4 babies in his stomach can’t stop buying trash even though everyone is telling him to stop because it will be the end of him and our family) and when something new is bought I usually can’t stop snorting it. And, after a week, when the sugar high is gone and I am back to reality and there is barely any taste in that trash like in a stale gum I am visibly fatter and grosser. But then I try to combine the new things with old things to get the same feeling (it never happens) and then I would get even fatter (pastry with cheese, Nutella and cookies, Pizza with different hams).
For anyone who ever wanted to speed run fattness here is one trick. It’s called salt and sweet. While you are doing something passive (TV, YouTube, Series…) you eat something salty (like popcorn), then sweet (cookies…), then salty then sweet, and then you wash it away with juice. You will be fat in no time. You are welcome.
Almost all of the things above are fine if they are done in moderation. But they aren’t. Not even a little. That is why I call them addictions.
I wanted to learn many things (coding, digital marketing, content creation, video editing) but the second it becomes anything difficult or the second I touch one of the addictions suddenly weeks pass me by like I am in a coma and almost always makes me feel absolutely dreadful. I have people who want the best for me and yet I fail them hour after hour that becomes day after day that becomes week after week>month after month> and now finally year after year. I have probably wasted in total 2y out of 2y6m over nothing.
I have tried many things to focus on doing what is relevant and to stop myself from them like buying programs for PC or phone (Cold Turkey, extensions) or getting accountability buddies, Boss as a Service, reading books, wall writing, punching myself, giving money away if I fuck up to people I know or don’t know and yet I am the same useless/skill-less fatso that started this shit 2.5 years ago. The only thing that changed is my age I think that my personality is a bit more cynical. The only reason why my weight is about the same is because I walked like a maniac for 3 cold months while barely eating because of Pokemon Go. Otherwise, I would have been even fatter. But being 105kg is not exactly a thing to brag about. I am literally the same weight as when I quit my job.
I have never had friends or a girlfriend. Period and full stop. If you have kissed an opposite gender then you are immediately better than me. I have people who will call me friends but won’t speak to me or anything for years on end and I don’t really consider them as one. And that is probably the core problem and the solution. Because if I had friends then I probably wouldn’t use up so much of my time on useless trash. But I have no idea what to do about it and even if I did I doubt that I would do it because I barely listen to myself.
And the same kind of thing is happening right now. Now I am learning German to possibly find a better life, and a job, in Germany because I highly doubt that I will find it where I live now. But I am going back to my old ways. I am back behind 10 classes and yet here I am watching Only Fools and Horses yet again while classes pile up and I have to lie to my grandpa that everything is going okay and that this time things will work out. But after I have disappointed him so much over these 2.5 years I don’t think he believes me anymore even though he smiles at me.
I am going through the same patterns (eating more food than necessary and procrastinating with some kind of addiction) and I know that in 3 months time, I will be a lot fatter and mentally worse person than I am today.
I have been through this shit before so I can easily notice it. But what is the point in noticing it if I don’t change it?
So can someone help me out so that I don’t waste any more of my life because I will get even older and I really, really don’t want to wake up in my 40s alone, broke, unloved, without any life experiences that don’t have to do with the PC/phone?
Anything goes in any way (books, resources, DMs, Courses, whatever).
I just don’t want to blow my head off because I will believe that nothing can change and that I should just stop trying and finally to stop existing. Those kinds of thoughts are not foreign to me in the slightest.
submitted by Neat-Medium-7655 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]

2024.04.06 05:21 Neat-Medium-7655 Please Help me. I quit my job 2.5 years ago (25M now) trying to make a better mind/body/life for me. I am worse now than when I started and will only get worse unless something is done

My last and only job was factory work for 3 years making wires for cars. I should have left a lot earlier but I convinced myself that that was all I was good for and stayed there for 2 and half years longer than I should have. But there was no present nor future in that trash of a barely paying job so after my colleague who put me down almost every day left, after a lot of months, I actually gained some confidence, realized that I was not worthless and that he was the problem, and decided to leave it so I could make something out of myself while I lived with parents who could financially handle me.
However, nothing turned out right.
I am a very easily addictable person. Very. Even as a kid, I was watching TV for 12h straight everyday without any problems. I barely had any time and how I don’t have any eyesight problems is beyond me. I stopped watching TV and I simply removed it from my room. The problem was finally gone, right? No. One addiction is exchanged for another one or is just mixed with another one.
Here are the biggest ones:
TV>Facebook Games>Anime (I have watched more in a couple of years than some people will do in their lifetime)>Manga>Movies>Series>Porn>Hentai>YouTube>Reddit>Pokemon Go> Now it is Manhwa (comics)
And the food is always in there somewhere because I have more food in my house than some small stores (I didn’t buy them, my unreasonable food junkie of a father that literally looks like he carries 4 babies in his stomach can’t stop buying trash even though everyone is telling him to stop because it will be the end of him and our family) and when something new is bought I usually can’t stop snorting it. And, after a week, when the sugar high is gone and I am back to reality and there is barely any taste in that trash like in a stale gum I am visibly fatter and grosser. But then I try to combine the new things with old things to get the same feeling (it never happens) and then I would get even fatter (pastry with cheese, Nutella and cookies, Pizza with different hams).
For anyone who ever wanted to speed run fattness here is one trick. It’s called salt and sweet. While you are doing something passive (TV, YouTube, Series…) you eat something salty (like popcorn), then sweet (cookies…), then salty then sweet, and then you wash it away with juice. You will be fat in no time. You are welcome.
Almost all of the things above are fine if they are done in moderation. But they aren’t. Not even a little. That is why I call them addictions.
I wanted to learn many things (coding, digital marketing, content creation, video editing) but the second it becomes anything difficult or the second I touch one of the addictions suddenly weeks pass me by like I am in a coma and almost always makes me feel absolutely dreadful. I have people who want the best for me and yet I fail them hour after hour that becomes day after day that becomes week after week>month after month> and now finally year after year. I have probably wasted in total 2y out of 2y6m over nothing.
I have tried many things to focus on doing what is relevant and to stop myself from them like buying programs for PC or phone (Cold Turkey, extensions) or getting accountability buddies, Boss as a Service, reading books, wall writing, punching myself, giving money away if I fuck up to people I know or don’t know and yet I am the same useless/skill-less fatso that started this shit 2.5 years ago. The only thing that changed is my age I think that my personality is a bit more cynical. The only reason why my weight is about the same is because I walked like a maniac for 3 cold months while barely eating because of Pokemon Go. Otherwise, I would have been even fatter. But being 105kg is not exactly a thing to brag about. I am literally the same weight as when I quit my job.
I have never had friends or a girlfriend. Period and full stop. If you have kissed an opposite gender then you are immediately better than me. I have people who will call me friends but won’t speak to me or anything for years on end and I don’t really consider them as one. And that is probably the core problem and the solution. Because if I had friends then I probably wouldn’t use up so much of my time on useless trash. But I have no idea what to do about it and even if I did I doubt that I would do it because I barely listen to myself.
And the same kind of thing is happening right now. Now I am learning German to possibly find a better life, and a job, in Germany because I highly doubt that I will find it where I live now. But I am going back to my old ways. I am back behind 10 classes and yet here I am watching Only Fools and Horses yet again while classes pile up and I have to lie to my grandpa that everything is going okay and that this time things will work out. But after I have disappointed him so much over these 2.5 years I don’t think he believes me anymore even though he smiles at me.
I am going through the same patterns (eating more food than necessary and procrastinating with some kind of addiction) and I know that in 3 months time, I will be a lot fatter and mentally worse person than I am today.
I have been through this shit before so I can easily notice it. But what is the point in noticing it if I don’t change it?
So can someone help me out so that I don’t waste any more of my life because I will get even older and I really, really don’t want to wake up in my 40s alone, broke, unloved, without any life experiences that don’t have to do with the PC/phone?
Anything goes in any way (books, resources, DMs, Courses, whatever).
I just don’t want to blow my head off because I will believe that nothing can change and that I should just stop trying and finally to stop existing. Those kinds of thoughts are not foreign to me in the slightest.
submitted by Neat-Medium-7655 to MMFB [link] [comments]

2024.04.06 05:21 Neat-Medium-7655 Please Help me. I quit my job 2.5 years ago (25M now) trying to make a better mind/body/life for me. I am worse now than when I started and will only get worse unless something is done

My last and only job was factory work for 3 years making wires for cars. I should have left a lot earlier but I convinced myself that that was all I was good for and stayed there for 2 and half years longer than I should have. But there was no present nor future in that trash of a barely paying job so after my colleague who put me down almost every day left, after a lot of months, I actually gained some confidence, realized that I was not worthless and that he was the problem, and decided to leave it so I could make something out of myself while I lived with parents who could financially handle me.
However, nothing turned out right.
I am a very easily addictable person. Very. Even as a kid, I was watching TV for 12h straight everyday without any problems. I barely had any time and how I don’t have any eyesight problems is beyond me. I stopped watching TV and I simply removed it from my room. The problem was finally gone, right? No. One addiction is exchanged for another one or is just mixed with another one.
Here are the biggest ones:
TV>Facebook Games>Anime (I have watched more in a couple of years than some people will do in their lifetime)>Manga>Movies>Series>Porn>Hentai>YouTube>Reddit>Pokemon Go> Now it is Manhwa (comics)
And the food is always in there somewhere because I have more food in my house than some small stores (I didn’t buy them, my unreasonable food junkie of a father that literally looks like he carries 4 babies in his stomach can’t stop buying trash even though everyone is telling him to stop because it will be the end of him and our family) and when something new is bought I usually can’t stop snorting it. And, after a week, when the sugar high is gone and I am back to reality and there is barely any taste in that trash like in a stale gum I am visibly fatter and grosser. But then I try to combine the new things with old things to get the same feeling (it never happens) and then I would get even fatter (pastry with cheese, Nutella and cookies, Pizza with different hams).
For anyone who ever wanted to speed run fattness here is one trick. It’s called salt and sweet. While you are doing something passive (TV, YouTube, Series…) you eat something salty (like popcorn), then sweet (cookies…), then salty then sweet, and then you wash it away with juice. You will be fat in no time. You are welcome.
Almost all of the things above are fine if they are done in moderation. But they aren’t. Not even a little. That is why I call them addictions.
I wanted to learn many things (coding, digital marketing, content creation, video editing) but the second it becomes anything difficult or the second I touch one of the addictions suddenly weeks pass me by like I am in a coma and almost always makes me feel absolutely dreadful. I have people who want the best for me and yet I fail them hour after hour that becomes day after day that becomes week after week>month after month> and now finally year after year. I have probably wasted in total 2y out of 2y6m over nothing.
I have tried many things to focus on doing what is relevant and to stop myself from them like buying programs for PC or phone (Cold Turkey, extensions) or getting accountability buddies, Boss as a Service, reading books, wall writing, punching myself, giving money away if I fuck up to people I know or don’t know and yet I am the same useless/skill-less fatso that started this shit 2.5 years ago. The only thing that changed is my age I think that my personality is a bit more cynical. The only reason why my weight is about the same is because I walked like a maniac for 3 cold months while barely eating because of Pokemon Go. Otherwise, I would have been even fatter. But being 105kg is not exactly a thing to brag about. I am literally the same weight as when I quit my job.
I have never had friends or a girlfriend. Period and full stop. If you have kissed an opposite gender then you are immediately better than me. I have people who will call me friends but won’t speak to me or anything for years on end and I don’t really consider them as one. And that is probably the core problem and the solution. Because if I had friends then I probably wouldn’t use up so much of my time on useless trash. But I have no idea what to do about it and even if I did I doubt that I would do it because I barely listen to myself.
And the same kind of thing is happening right now. Now I am learning German to possibly find a better life, and a job, in Germany because I highly doubt that I will find it where I live now. But I am going back to my old ways. I am back behind 10 classes and yet here I am watching Only Fools and Horses yet again while classes pile up and I have to lie to my grandpa that everything is going okay and that this time things will work out. But after I have disappointed him so much over these 2.5 years I don’t think he believes me anymore even though he smiles at me.
I am going through the same patterns (eating more food than necessary and procrastinating with some kind of addiction) and I know that in 3 months time, I will be a lot fatter and mentally worse person than I am today.
I have been through this shit before so I can easily notice it. But what is the point in noticing it if I don’t change it?
So can someone help me out so that I don’t waste any more of my life because I will get even older and I really, really don’t want to wake up in my 40s alone, broke, unloved, without any life experiences that don’t have to do with the PC/phone?
Anything goes in any way (books, resources, DMs, Courses, whatever).
I just don’t want to blow my head off because I will believe that nothing can change and that I should just stop trying and finally to stop existing. Those kinds of thoughts are not foreign to me in the slightest.
submitted by Neat-Medium-7655 to mentalillness [link] [comments]

2024.04.06 05:21 Neat-Medium-7655 Please Help me. I quit my job 2.5 years ago (25M now) trying to make a better mind/body/life for me. I am worse now than when I started and will only get worse unless something is done

My last and only job was factory work for 3 years making wires for cars. I should have left a lot earlier but I convinced myself that that was all I was good for and stayed there for 2 and half years longer than I should have. But there was no present nor future in that trash of a barely paying job so after my colleague who put me down almost every day left, after a lot of months, I actually gained some confidence, realized that I was not worthless and that he was the problem, and decided to leave it so I could make something out of myself while I lived with parents who could financially handle me.
However, nothing turned out right.
I am a very easily addictable person. Very. Even as a kid, I was watching TV for 12h straight everyday without any problems. I barely had any time and how I don’t have any eyesight problems is beyond me. I stopped watching TV and I simply removed it from my room. The problem was finally gone, right? No. One addiction is exchanged for another one or is just mixed with another one.
Here are the biggest ones:
TV>Facebook Games>Anime (I have watched more in a couple of years than some people will do in their lifetime)>Manga>Movies>Series>Porn>Hentai>YouTube>Reddit>Pokemon Go> Now it is Manhwa (comics)
And the food is always in there somewhere because I have more food in my house than some small stores (I didn’t buy them, my unreasonable food junkie of a father that literally looks like he carries 4 babies in his stomach can’t stop buying trash even though everyone is telling him to stop because it will be the end of him and our family) and when something new is bought I usually can’t stop snorting it. And, after a week, when the sugar high is gone and I am back to reality and there is barely any taste in that trash like in a stale gum I am visibly fatter and grosser. But then I try to combine the new things with old things to get the same feeling (it never happens) and then I would get even fatter (pastry with cheese, Nutella and cookies, Pizza with different hams).
For anyone who ever wanted to speed run fattness here is one trick. It’s called salt and sweet. While you are doing something passive (TV, YouTube, Series…) you eat something salty (like popcorn), then sweet (cookies…), then salty then sweet, and then you wash it away with juice. You will be fat in no time. You are welcome.
Almost all of the things above are fine if they are done in moderation. But they aren’t. Not even a little. That is why I call them addictions.
I wanted to learn many things (coding, digital marketing, content creation, video editing) but the second it becomes anything difficult or the second I touch one of the addictions suddenly weeks pass me by like I am in a coma and almost always makes me feel absolutely dreadful. I have people who want the best for me and yet I fail them hour after hour that becomes day after day that becomes week after week>month after month> and now finally year after year. I have probably wasted in total 2y out of 2y6m over nothing.
I have tried many things to focus on doing what is relevant and to stop myself from them like buying programs for PC or phone (Cold Turkey, extensions) or getting accountability buddies, Boss as a Service, reading books, wall writing, punching myself, giving money away if I fuck up to people I know or don’t know and yet I am the same useless/skill-less fatso that started this shit 2.5 years ago. The only thing that changed is my age I think that my personality is a bit more cynical. The only reason why my weight is about the same is because I walked like a maniac for 3 cold months while barely eating because of Pokemon Go. Otherwise, I would have been even fatter. But being 105kg is not exactly a thing to brag about. I am literally the same weight as when I quit my job.
I have never had friends or a girlfriend. Period and full stop. If you have kissed an opposite gender then you are immediately better than me. I have people who will call me friends but won’t speak to me or anything for years on end and I don’t really consider them as one. And that is probably the core problem and the solution. Because if I had friends then I probably wouldn’t use up so much of my time on useless trash. But I have no idea what to do about it and even if I did I doubt that I would do it because I barely listen to myself.
And the same kind of thing is happening right now. Now I am learning German to possibly find a better life, and a job, in Germany because I highly doubt that I will find it where I live now. But I am going back to my old ways. I am back behind 10 classes and yet here I am watching Only Fools and Horses yet again while classes pile up and I have to lie to my grandpa that everything is going okay and that this time things will work out. But after I have disappointed him so much over these 2.5 years I don’t think he believes me anymore even though he smiles at me.
I am going through the same patterns (eating more food than necessary and procrastinating with some kind of addiction) and I know that in 3 months time, I will be a lot fatter and mentally worse person than I am today.
I have been through this shit before so I can easily notice it. But what is the point in noticing it if I don’t change it?
So can someone help me out so that I don’t waste any more of my life because I will get even older and I really, really don’t want to wake up in my 40s alone, broke, unloved, without any life experiences that don’t have to do with the PC/phone?
Anything goes in any way (books, resources, DMs, Courses, whatever).
I just don’t want to blow my head off because I will believe that nothing can change and that I should just stop trying and finally to stop existing. Those kinds of thoughts are not foreign to me in the slightest.
submitted by Neat-Medium-7655 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2024.04.06 05:21 Neat-Medium-7655 Please Help me. I quit my job 2.5 years ago (25M now) trying to make a better mind/body/life for me. I am worse now than when I started and will only get worse unless something is done

My last and only job was factory work for 3 years making wires for cars. I should have left a lot earlier but I convinced myself that that was all I was good for and stayed there for 2 and half years longer than I should have. But there was no present nor future in that trash of a barely paying job so after my colleague who put me down almost every day left, after a lot of months, I actually gained some confidence, realized that I was not worthless and that he was the problem, and decided to leave it so I could make something out of myself while I lived with parents who could financially handle me.
However, nothing turned out right.
I am a very easily addictable person. Very. Even as a kid, I was watching TV for 12h straight everyday without any problems. I barely had any time and how I don’t have any eyesight problems is beyond me. I stopped watching TV and I simply removed it from my room. The problem was finally gone, right? No. One addiction is exchanged for another one or is just mixed with another one.
Here are the biggest ones:
TV>Facebook Games>Anime (I have watched more in a couple of years than some people will do in their lifetime)>Manga>Movies>Series>Porn>Hentai>YouTube>Reddit>Pokemon Go> Now it is Manhwa (comics)
And the food is always in there somewhere because I have more food in my house than some small stores (I didn’t buy them, my unreasonable food junkie of a father that literally looks like he carries 4 babies in his stomach can’t stop buying trash even though everyone is telling him to stop because it will be the end of him and our family) and when something new is bought I usually can’t stop snorting it. And, after a week, when the sugar high is gone and I am back to reality and there is barely any taste in that trash like in a stale gum I am visibly fatter and grosser. But then I try to combine the new things with old things to get the same feeling (it never happens) and then I would get even fatter (pastry with cheese, Nutella and cookies, Pizza with different hams).
For anyone who ever wanted to speed run fattness here is one trick. It’s called salt and sweet. While you are doing something passive (TV, YouTube, Series…) you eat something salty (like popcorn), then sweet (cookies…), then salty then sweet, and then you wash it away with juice. You will be fat in no time. You are welcome.
Almost all of the things above are fine if they are done in moderation. But they aren’t. Not even a little. That is why I call them addictions.
I wanted to learn many things (coding, digital marketing, content creation, video editing) but the second it becomes anything difficult or the second I touch one of the addictions suddenly weeks pass me by like I am in a coma and almost always makes me feel absolutely dreadful. I have people who want the best for me and yet I fail them hour after hour that becomes day after day that becomes week after week>month after month> and now finally year after year. I have probably wasted in total 2y out of 2y6m over nothing.
I have tried many things to focus on doing what is relevant and to stop myself from them like buying programs for PC or phone (Cold Turkey, extensions) or getting accountability buddies, Boss as a Service, reading books, wall writing, punching myself, giving money away if I fuck up to people I know or don’t know and yet I am the same useless/skill-less fatso that started this shit 2.5 years ago. The only thing that changed is my age I think that my personality is a bit more cynical. The only reason why my weight is about the same is because I walked like a maniac for 3 cold months while barely eating because of Pokemon Go. Otherwise, I would have been even fatter. But being 105kg is not exactly a thing to brag about. I am literally the same weight as when I quit my job.
I have never had friends or a girlfriend. Period and full stop. If you have kissed an opposite gender then you are immediately better than me. I have people who will call me friends but won’t speak to me or anything for years on end and I don’t really consider them as one. And that is probably the core problem and the solution. Because if I had friends then I probably wouldn’t use up so much of my time on useless trash. But I have no idea what to do about it and even if I did I doubt that I would do it because I barely listen to myself.
And the same kind of thing is happening right now. Now I am learning German to possibly find a better life, and a job, in Germany because I highly doubt that I will find it where I live now. But I am going back to my old ways. I am back behind 10 classes and yet here I am watching Only Fools and Horses yet again while classes pile up and I have to lie to my grandpa that everything is going okay and that this time things will work out. But after I have disappointed him so much over these 2.5 years I don’t think he believes me anymore even though he smiles at me.
I am going through the same patterns (eating more food than necessary and procrastinating with some kind of addiction) and I know that in 3 months time, I will be a lot fatter and mentally worse person than I am today.
I have been through this shit before so I can easily notice it. But what is the point in noticing it if I don’t change it?
So can someone help me out so that I don’t waste any more of my life because I will get even older and I really, really don’t want to wake up in my 40s alone, broke, unloved, without any life experiences that don’t have to do with the PC/phone?
Anything goes in any way (books, resources, DMs, Courses, whatever).
I just don’t want to blow my head off because I will believe that nothing can change and that I should just stop trying and finally to stop existing. Those kinds of thoughts are not foreign to me in the slightest.
submitted by Neat-Medium-7655 to depression [link] [comments]

2024.04.06 05:20 Neat-Medium-7655 Please Help me. I quit my job 2.5 years ago (25M now) trying to make a better mind/body/life for me. I am worse now than when I started and will only get worse unless something is done

My last and only job was factory work for 3 years making wires for cars. I should have left a lot earlier but I convinced myself that that was all I was good for and stayed there for 2 and half years longer than I should have. But there was no present nor future in that trash of a barely paying job so after my colleague who put me down almost every day left, after a lot of months, I actually gained some confidence, realized that I was not worthless and that he was the problem, and decided to leave it so I could make something out of myself while I lived with parents who could financially handle me.
However, nothing turned out right.
I am a very easily addictable person. Very. Even as a kid, I was watching TV for 12h straight everyday without any problems. I barely had any time and how I don’t have any eyesight problems is beyond me. I stopped watching TV and I simply removed it from my room. The problem was finally gone, right? No. One addiction is exchanged for another one or is just mixed with another one.
Here are the biggest ones:
TV>Facebook Games>Anime (I have watched more in a couple of years than some people will do in their lifetime)>Manga>Movies>Series>Porn>Hentai>YouTube>Reddit>Pokemon Go> Now it is Manhwa (comics)
And the food is always in there somewhere because I have more food in my house than some small stores (I didn’t buy them, my unreasonable food junkie of a father that literally looks like he carries 4 babies in his stomach can’t stop buying trash even though everyone is telling him to stop because it will be the end of him and our family) and when something new is bought I usually can’t stop snorting it. And, after a week, when the sugar high is gone and I am back to reality and there is barely any taste in that trash like in a stale gum I am visibly fatter and grosser. But then I try to combine the new things with old things to get the same feeling (it never happens) and then I would get even fatter (pastry with cheese, Nutella and cookies, Pizza with different hams).
For anyone who ever wanted to speed run fattness here is one trick. It’s called salt and sweet. While you are doing something passive (TV, YouTube, Series…) you eat something salty (like popcorn), then sweet (cookies…), then salty then sweet, and then you wash it away with juice. You will be fat in no time. You are welcome.
Almost all of the things above are fine if they are done in moderation. But they aren’t. Not even a little. That is why I call them addictions.
I wanted to learn many things (coding, digital marketing, content creation, video editing) but the second it becomes anything difficult or the second I touch one of the addictions suddenly weeks pass me by like I am in a coma and almost always makes me feel absolutely dreadful. I have people who want the best for me and yet I fail them hour after hour that becomes day after day that becomes week after week>month after month> and now finally year after year. I have probably wasted in total 2y out of 2y6m over nothing.
I have tried many things to focus on doing what is relevant and to stop myself from them like buying programs for PC or phone (Cold Turkey, extensions) or getting accountability buddies, Boss as a Service, reading books, wall writing, punching myself, giving money away if I fuck up to people I know or don’t know and yet I am the same useless/skill-less fatso that started this shit 2.5 years ago. The only thing that changed is my age I think that my personality is a bit more cynical. The only reason why my weight is about the same is because I walked like a maniac for 3 cold months while barely eating because of Pokemon Go. Otherwise, I would have been even fatter. But being 105kg is not exactly a thing to brag about. I am literally the same weight as when I quit my job.
I have never had friends or a girlfriend. Period and full stop. If you have kissed an opposite gender then you are immediately better than me. I have people who will call me friends but won’t speak to me or anything for years on end and I don’t really consider them as one. And that is probably the core problem and the solution. Because if I had friends then I probably wouldn’t use up so much of my time on useless trash. But I have no idea what to do about it and even if I did I doubt that I would do it because I barely listen to myself.
And the same kind of thing is happening right now. Now I am learning German to possibly find a better life, and a job, in Germany because I highly doubt that I will find it where I live now. But I am going back to my old ways. I am back behind 10 classes and yet here I am watching Only Fools and Horses yet again while classes pile up and I have to lie to my grandpa that everything is going okay and that this time things will work out. But after I have disappointed him so much over these 2.5 years I don’t think he believes me anymore even though he smiles at me.
I am going through the same patterns (eating more food than necessary and procrastinating with some kind of addiction) and I know that in 3 months time, I will be a lot fatter and mentally worse person than I am today.
I have been through this shit before so I can easily notice it. But what is the point in noticing it if I don’t change it?
So can someone help me out so that I don’t waste any more of my life because I will get even older and I really, really don’t want to wake up in my 40s alone, broke, unloved, without any life experiences that don’t have to do with the PC/phone?
Anything goes in any way (books, resources, DMs, Courses, whatever).
I just don’t want to blow my head off because I will believe that nothing can change and that I should just stop trying and finally to stop existing. Those kinds of thoughts are not foreign to me in the slightest.
submitted by Neat-Medium-7655 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

2024.04.06 05:20 Neat-Medium-7655 Please Help me. I quit my job 2.5 years ago (25M now) trying to make a better mind/body/life for me. I am worse now than when I started and will only get worse unless something is done

My last and only job was factory work for 3 years making wires for cars. I should have left a lot earlier but I convinced myself that that was all I was good for and stayed there for 2 and half years longer than I should have. But there was no present nor future in that trash of a barely paying job so after my colleague who put me down almost every day left, after a lot of months, I actually gained some confidence, realized that I was not worthless and that he was the problem, and decided to leave it so I could make something out of myself while I lived with parents who could financially handle me.
However, nothing turned out right.
I am a very easily addictable person. Very. Even as a kid, I was watching TV for 12h straight everyday without any problems. I barely had any time and how I don’t have any eyesight problems is beyond me. I stopped watching TV and I simply removed it from my room. The problem was finally gone, right? No. One addiction is exchanged for another one or is just mixed with another one.
Here are the biggest ones:
TV>Facebook Games>Anime (I have watched more in a couple of years than some people will do in their lifetime)>Manga>Movies>Series>Porn>Hentai>YouTube>Reddit>Pokemon Go> Now it is Manhwa (comics)
And the food is always in there somewhere because I have more food in my house than some small stores (I didn’t buy them, my unreasonable food junkie of a father that literally looks like he carries 4 babies in his stomach can’t stop buying trash even though everyone is telling him to stop because it will be the end of him and our family) and when something new is bought I usually can’t stop snorting it. And, after a week, when the sugar high is gone and I am back to reality and there is barely any taste in that trash like in a stale gum I am visibly fatter and grosser. But then I try to combine the new things with old things to get the same feeling (it never happens) and then I would get even fatter (pastry with cheese, Nutella and cookies, Pizza with different hams).
For anyone who ever wanted to speed run fattness here is one trick. It’s called salt and sweet. While you are doing something passive (TV, YouTube, Series…) you eat something salty (like popcorn), then sweet (cookies…), then salty then sweet, and then you wash it away with juice. You will be fat in no time. You are welcome.
Almost all of the things above are fine if they are done in moderation. But they aren’t. Not even a little. That is why I call them addictions.
I wanted to learn many things (coding, digital marketing, content creation, video editing) but the second it becomes anything difficult or the second I touch one of the addictions suddenly weeks pass me by like I am in a coma and almost always makes me feel absolutely dreadful. I have people who want the best for me and yet I fail them hour after hour that becomes day after day that becomes week after week>month after month> and now finally year after year. I have probably wasted in total 2y out of 2y6m over nothing.
I have tried many things to focus on doing what is relevant and to stop myself from them like buying programs for PC or phone (Cold Turkey, extensions) or getting accountability buddies, Boss as a Service, reading books, wall writing, punching myself, giving money away if I fuck up to people I know or don’t know and yet I am the same useless/skill-less fatso that started this shit 2.5 years ago. The only thing that changed is my age I think that my personality is a bit more cynical. The only reason why my weight is about the same is because I walked like a maniac for 3 cold months while barely eating because of Pokemon Go. Otherwise, I would have been even fatter. But being 105kg is not exactly a thing to brag about. I am literally the same weight as when I quit my job.
I have never had friends or a girlfriend. Period and full stop. If you have kissed an opposite gender then you are immediately better than me. I have people who will call me friends but won’t speak to me or anything for years on end and I don’t really consider them as one. And that is probably the core problem and the solution. Because if I had friends then I probably wouldn’t use up so much of my time on useless trash. But I have no idea what to do about it and even if I did I doubt that I would do it because I barely listen to myself.
And the same kind of thing is happening right now. Now I am learning German to possibly find a better life, and a job, in Germany because I highly doubt that I will find it where I live now. But I am going back to my old ways. I am back behind 10 classes and yet here I am watching Only Fools and Horses yet again while classes pile up and I have to lie to my grandpa that everything is going okay and that this time things will work out. But after I have disappointed him so much over these 2.5 years I don’t think he believes me anymore even though he smiles at me.
I am going through the same patterns (eating more food than necessary and procrastinating with some kind of addiction) and I know that in 3 months time, I will be a lot fatter and mentally worse person than I am today.
I have been through this shit before so I can easily notice it. But what is the point in noticing it if I don’t change it?
So can someone help me out so that I don’t waste any more of my life because I will get even older and I really, really don’t want to wake up in my 40s alone, broke, unloved, without any life experiences that don’t have to do with the PC/phone?
Anything goes in any way (books, resources, DMs, Courses, whatever).
I just don’t want to blow my head off because I will believe that nothing can change and that I should just stop trying and finally to stop existing. Those kinds of thoughts are not foreign to me in the slightest.
submitted by Neat-Medium-7655 to Advice [link] [comments]

2024.04.05 20:03 Wafel_Ranger incezzt thugs ft biggie eninem & snoop dogg

incezzt thugs ft biggie eninem & snoop dogg
lyrics:
Walking donw the street seeing a hooker with hella toes
Before you know we go toe to toe
And she blows and she blows when she shows
OFF her titties intermitties fiddies
So the chick moans and woes like a junkie on a shrooms overdose
But no sweat my dick can handle that little fucking rat you make forenever never be sad
So to stop the stds from coming I was my dick clean, look at my body, hella lean
Have you seen the meanest greenest honest motherfucker like me?
Dodging all the stds
Refrain
Stds make me wanna kill myself,
Keep it in the family don’t spill your health
Yeah that hooker was my sister mister
Made her pregnant beautiful baby boy
Ahoy ahoy
Yeah use her diarrhea as lube when you keep it in the family you don’t have to pay too much for hookers youll be able to buy a seven eight
Yo pass it onto snoop
Wass good everybody im snoop d o double gg
I make my sissy bitty suck on my wee wee
Do you wanna be real dog hold up check that mother or brother or father
Yeah if it’s with yo brother it aint gay, yeah bitch im hella straight
Practice sucking so I can suck my sisters
After she lactates I wont wait getting that creamy milk and her ovulus
Wow wow wow jippie jo jippie jay keeping it in your family is okay yay
2024 baby, everybody in the house now
Yo, yo, yo ,yo
Stds make me wanna kill myself,
Keep it in the family don’t spill your health
Yeah that hooker was my sister mister
Made her pregnant beautiful baby boy
Ahoy ahoy
Yeah use her diarrhea as lube when you keep it in the family you don’t have to pay too much for hookers youll be able to buy a seven eight
So ths was my rap listen to this while you fap to a pic of your sister little dna fister
Everybody everybody everybody
Yo this is biggie, I didn’t die because of gang violence but of type 2 diabetes
I had a crush on my cat since he was a little fetus
Who you gonna tell who you gonna call
Little kitty, your little asshole is so, WITTY, WITTY, WITTY
Pass to slim shady
Yo I am the slim shady, and I call hailey my lady
Now if that isn’t isn’t shady I am not a slim shady but just a slim
Bom biddy bim I am a faggot for my mother but my brother is way hotter
I am not a material guy but when It comes to hailey I be not shy
Now, little bubu don’t cry, I broke up with kim cause she don’t same dna as slim
Mom, you never voluntarily had sex with me I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit
submitted by Wafel_Ranger to ratemysong [link] [comments]

2024.04.05 04:36 happybdayyansim Full Transcription of the August 6th, 2023 Call Between Alex Mahan and His Second Victim

—1—
JANE
Well, did you ever watch My Little Pony Equestria Girls?
MAHAN
\Laughs**
No, I didn't.
JANE
Oh. Why?
MAHAN
Why would I?
JANE
I don't know, I feel like that would be your part of the internet. Isn't it?
MAHAN
I’ve-I consider that to be insulting.
JANE
What?? I didn't mean it that way!
—2—
MAHAN
Oh,
JANE
I think average size of one of those in the US is like five and a half.
MAHAN
Wow, okay.
JANE
Sorry, you asked, I don't know how to respond like that. I don't know what to say about it. I don't have one, so I'm not like a penis expert. Sorry. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't know how to keep talking after that. Oh, it's [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Whose voice was that?
MAHAN
What?
JANE
Whose voice was that? Which girl?
MAHAN
Raibaru.
JANE
Raibaru. Uh, were they around?
[LONG SILENCE]
He doesn’t know that I stalk his Instagram, so I know exactly when he's going to be online, so I can ask him to play Dead by Daylight with me. Because I want him to feel... [UNINTELLIGIBLE] girlfriend guy.
MAHAN
That sounds kind of sad.
JANE
It is kind of sad. I’m talking to his guy friends like hey why arent you guys [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. He needs to get over it. [UNINTELLIGIBLE]
MAHAN
Absolutely no reason whatsoever.
JANE
No, there's a reason. No one would know what it says.
MAHAN
Zero reason. Absolutely no reason whatsoever.
JANE
I don't know what you're hinting at. I can't tell if you're hinting at anything.
MAHAN
I would never hint. I'm not a hinter. I don't hint at things.
JANE
Oh, okay. What's that sarcasm? I can't tell. Now my mouth is sour because of the lemon gatorade. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] I have a question for you.
MAHAN
What’s your question?
JANE
I just- I don't want you to be like [UNINTELLIGIBLE] or anything.
MAHAN
Go ahead.
JANE
Oh. Do you talk to other girls my age?
MAHAN
No.
JANE
Okay.
MAHAN
Wouldn't it make me a bad guy if I did?
JANE
It would make me an upset person if you did.
MAHAN
You'd be upset?
JANE
Just like, not in a serious way. It’s like, you know. I wouldn't… I don’t know.
MAHAN
Am I a bad guy for talking to you? Should I stop talking to you?
JANE
No, you shouldn’t stop talking to me. I mean, you should, but please don't. It's like, you know, …laws. I'm just like... I have no right to be jealous of you. It's like, I don't know you. You're just like an internet guy, but... As any good fan girl, well, former fan girl, kind of [UNINTELLIGIBLE] fan girl. You get what I'm saying? It is kind of my job to be... I don't know, gatekeeper? Is that the word? Something. That would just slightly get on my nerves. I want to put my hair like that, so like with a little bow right there. But I think it was a bit... I don't think it would like match any if I had like a little bow there. And this and those cute... I don’t… Do you think we can call like this more often?
MAHAN
Maybe. I had fun. You're funny. It's fun to listen to you talk.
JANE
What if I'm not high next time? I’m just regular.
MAHAN
I would also be very interested in interacting with you if you are regular. I want to learn what regular you is like.
JANE
Okay.
MAHAN
But high you is very cute and funny.
JANE
Thanks, I really appreciate it.
MAHAN
Am I a bad guy if we're talking?
JANE
Personal feelings. Not really. I DM’d you. Cause, uh, the situation is my fault. Law enforcement would not see it the same way that I do. So yes, technically. I mean, like it's not legal, but I... You haven't forced me to do anything weird and you haven't done any manipulating stuff. So, like, nothing is traumatizing me. I'm fine. So I don't think that there's anything wrong with it because I'm fine. I don't think that you're a bad guy. You have been way nicer than other people I've talked to just like in general.
MAHAN
Pat pat.
JANE What time is it? MAHAN For me it's 5:30.
JANE
Oh, okay.
MAHAN
For you is it 8:30?
JANE
Yes, 8:30 and my laptop is 2:30 because I have that set on German time.
MAHAN
Why is your laptop on German time? Are you talking to a hot German guy?
JANE
He's not hot, but yeah. He's helping my friend build a Minecraft server. So I've been giving input on this is the thing that we have in Pennsylvania. Because he's making data backs and plugins with it. So I was like, he's asking about desserts. And I was like, whoopie pies and wacky cake. And he's like, okay. It's been like that. Cause I love Minecraft. It's my favorite. My hands were posing.
MAHAN
Yeah, you do that a lot. You're high.
JANE
I do it a lot when I'm sober too. But it doesn't look as like mythical.
MAHAN
Mythical?
JANE
Yeah, I look like I'm casting a spell on someone. You know? [UNINTELLIGIBLIE, CROSSTALK]
MAHAN
If you could cast a spell on me, what would it be?
JANE
I don't know, [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
MAHAN
I don't know. It just sounded like a fun question.
JANE
Uh, I’d cast a spell? It would be like a teleport thing.
MAHAN
Oh, aww.
JANE
What? It's cheaper than flying. Is there something else that I should say?
MAHAN
No, I can't think of anything else.
JANE
Okay. Well, what would you cast on me?
MAHAN
A happiness spell so you're happy forever.
JANE
Oh, that's really sweet. That was a really personal effect. Because you feel sad.
MAHAN
You're really having a lot of fun with that.
JANE
Yeah.
It's fun to have your hands like that. Clap, clap.
JANE
You should take like a vacation. Like a family emergency. And then you just go to Florida for a little bit. Well, I guess not Florida. You wouldn’t want somewhere hot. You would want somewhere cold. You should go to like... Michigan is a state? Yeah, Michigan is a state.
MAHAN
*Laughs* Jane What? MAHAN
It's funny the way you asked the question.
JANE
Yeah. You should go there because it's cold. Oh my gosh. You should go to Canada. You should like run away there and change your name to like Moose Hockey. And you'll blend in.
MAHAN
Moose Hockey?
JANE
Yeah.
MAHAN
What the hell kind of name is that?
JANE
A Canadian one.
MAHAN
Oh. You’re funny.
JANE
It's not intentional but I appreciate it.
MAHAN
You're so cute.
JANE
You keep saying that.
MAHAN
It's because you keep being cute. If you don't wanna be called cute then stop being so cute.
JANE
*Laughs*
The way you say it.
MAHAN
It's simple logic.
JANE
[UNINTELLIGIBLE] What are you working on?
MAHAN
I'm trying to fix a bug but it's really hard.
JANE
Oh.
MAHAN
It's like if you take out a weapon and then you laugh and you put the weapon away while you are laughing, the game doesn't realize you put away your weapon.
JANE
Oh.
MAHAN
This shit sucks. It's so hard to fix.
JANE
Oh. So, what order are you doing everything? Like storyline. You got that down?
MAHAN
Uh, [UNINTELLIGIBLE] pretty much.
JANE
Okay.
MAHAN
Oh, I see those [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Oh. Oh. My mistake. How dumb. Darn it.
JANE
How close are you to [UNINTELLIGIBLE]?
JANE
Where did it go?
MAHAN
*shrugging noise*
JANE
[UNINTELLIGIBLE] Ugh. I miss [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. I didn’t have in earbuds. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] What do you want me to call you? Give me your name to call you.
MAHAN
Dev.
JANE
Dev? Okay.
MAHAN
Yeah, that name is fine.
JANE
Okay. You haven't used my name. Oh. Have you played Ghost Simulator?
MAHAN
Uh, no.
JANE
Oh. I've finished Star Wars Force of Evil and that's how you have to talk to the guardians of the magic. You have to go, blah, and then
MAHAN
What the-
JANE
And they go blah, and they raise the temple out of the sea.
MAHAN
Oh my god.
JANE
That's one of the best shows ever. So it goes Rick and Morty, Gravity Falls, Star Wars Force of Evil, Futurama, and then American Dad. And those are the best sci-fi's I think it's called. Well, I guess Star, it wasn't like that. It was like just the fiction, you know? It's not called sci-fi, but it's something similar. All those like magic-y wacky multiverse things, those are the best that recognize that. Those are the best to recognize multiverse. Hello?
MAHAN
Hello there.
JANE
Okay. Oh no, no, I can't stop this. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] Yeah, it has a little activity, but...
MAHAN
You're an activity.
JANE
Am I?
MAHAN
Yeah, you are.
JANE
Oh.
MAHAN
Take that.
JANE
Okay.
MAHAN
I'll put her in her place.
JANE
So did you watch the Barbie movie?
MAHAN
No, I didn't.
JANE
Oh, thank God, it sucks.
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
I shouldn't have seen The Oppenheimer. A guy asked me to it, and I was like, I don't know. Because why would I want to go see that with a guy? He's gonna enjoy it deeply, and I would rather go with a girl and get Starbucks after it and be like, oh my God, that was so silly. Why was it so long? You know? I need to go with girls so I can be judgmental, because guys aren't judgy enough.
MAHAN
*laughs*
I see. I don't know.
JANE
I don't know. I feel like it's appropriate for me.
MAHAN
Appropriate. I'm just being silly, don't [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
JANE
That's called echolalia.
MAHAN
What?
JANE
When you repeat something after someone says it, it’s echolalia. Do you do that often?
MAHAN
No.
JANE
Okay.
MAHAN
I just think it's funny to say the word appropriate, [in an] exaggerated way. I don't know why I find that funny.
JANE
Okay, it's funny. I find it all weird and so funny. Like, cabbage is the silliest plant.
MAHAN
Cabbage is the silliest plant?
JANE
Yeah.
MAHAN
Yeah?
JANE
Yeah.
MAHAN
Yeah?
JANE
Yeah?
MAHAN
Yeah?
JANE
Why are you making me second guess myself?
MAHAN
Why are you making me second guess myself?
JANE
I'm so confused.
MAHAN
I'm doing echolalia on.
JANE
You’re very funny. I like your joke.
MAHAN
I try.
JANE
I have a game art friend. He puts my jellyfish on things. I make him different versions of my jellyfish because She has a bunch of different outfit changes, and, um… [UNINTELLIGIBLE] Oh, yeah. And every time I make a new one, if it fits whatever level he's working on, he'll add it in as an Easter egg. And I think that's really cool. I think.
MAHAN
You're going in circles.
JANE
Yeah, I am.
MAHAN
You’re funny.
–3–
JANE
I think it's called [UNINTELLIGIBLE] the music, but no, there's a high- here. I'll find it on Spotify and I'll send it to you. Oh, no. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] Okay, yeah, share copy-song link. It's the best song ever and you should listen to it. I can feel my hands.
MAHAN
Congratulations.
JANE
Yeah, thanks. Gosh. My arms are really itchy. This is uncomfortable. Whoa, my leg just went numb again. Moving on in waves. Who's the coconut?
MAHAN
The coconut?
JANE
Yeah. The purple. With the big boobs. You know? [ UNINTELLIGIBLE]. What?
MAHAN
You mean a character in Yandere, a simulator whose name is Kokona?
JANE
Yeah.
*laughs*
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Is she still there?
MAHAN
Yeah, she's still in the game.
JANE
Oh. Oh, okay. Oh, no, no. No. There was a chair girl.
MAHAN
Chair girl?
JANE
Yeah.
MAHAN
Yeah, there was a chair girl.
JANE
I'm not going to remember their names, but she lives in a chair.
MAHAN
I don't remember any girl who looked like a chair.
JANE
*laughs*
MAHAN
You’re silly.
JANE
No, she was in her chair because she lived under the well. Or fountain? Yeah.
MAHAN
Oh, I remember what you’re talking about? You’re talking about Megami.
JANE
Oh, yes, she was in a chair. Oh, is that still part of the game lore?
MAHAN
Well, it is an aspect of the video game that there's a character and I positioned the character underneath the well so that she's not visible during normal gameplay.
JANE
Oh, but people looked at her anyways?
MAHAN
Say that again?
JANE
People looked at her when they would go down.
MAHAN
Speaker 2: Yeah, people found a way to hack my fucking video game.
JANE
Oh, no.
MAHAN
And they were going to go under the fountain.
JANE
That's not nice. I mean, I love a good adventure. Very curious. But.
MAHAN
You're funny.
JANE
I don't like to be mean and steal things and like stuff that is not for me.
MAHAN
Good girl.
JANE
*laughs*
Oh, you don't talk a lot.
MAHAN
I'm sorry.
JANE
Oh. Why? Just an observation, not an insult. Who's texting me? Ew, this ugly girl. I hate blonde hair and blue eyes on guys. I feel like it's such a girl thing.
MAHAN
Wow.
JANE
Yeah, like it makes them too pretty in like a girly way and I don't know.
MAHAN
Wow.
JANE
I'm not really into femboys. I mean, I've met a few femboys and they were pretty attractive, but that's because I thought they were girls and then they told me they were femboys. That was by accident. I met them in the Fitz [?] Discord server.
MAHAN
I don't know what that is.
JANE
Yeah. I forget what I just said.
MAHAN
Pat, Pat, it's okay.
[LONG SILENCE]
JANE
My cheeks hurt again.
MAHAN
From all the laughing and the smiling?
JANE
Yeah, [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Even though it hurt. I'm going to have the most toned cheek muscles ever. Ah, bwa ba bwa bwa bwa.
MAHAN
What the fuck?
JANE
What?
MAHAN
You're funny.
JANE
*laughs*
–4–
JANE
I like kangaroos sometimes, but other times they're kind of weird looking. What kind of animals do you like?
MAHAN
Hummm. Cute animals.
JANE
Cute animals. I still can't really [UNINTELLIGIBLE] at night, but I don't know what to do about that. Why? I hate... Oh God. People make compilation videos.
MAHAN
Yeah, it's very... it's fucked up.
JANE
It sucks. I don't know why they dislike me so much. But it's been going on for a while. Or like there's a falling off my bed compilation where I'm high and I fall off my bed backwards. I don't know why they dislike me so much.
MAHAN
How do people even have that video footage of you in the first place?
JANE
They screen record me sometimes when I'm streaming. Yeah, very sweet of them.
MAHAN
You're funny.
JANE
[UNINTELLIGIBLE]
MAHAN
You're just funny.
JANE
Oh. Okay. Thanks?
MAHAN
You're welcome.
JANE
Okay. So is it compliment?
MAHAN
It's compliment.
JANE
Okay.
—5—
JANE
I have a glow keyboard.
MAHAN
Cool, me too.
JANE
Yo, for real? That’s so cool. I love [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
MAHAN
Yeah.
JANE
What's your favorite Disney movie?
MAHAN
Um, good question. It's been a long time since I watched a Disney movie, so I've kind of forgotten which ones I like the most.
JANE
You should take a spa day and get a bubble bath and watch Sleeping Beauty. That's what you need to stop being depressed. And I think you need money. That would be helpful, because everyone could use more money. Except for that guy, that one, the lizard dude.
MAHAN
The lizard dude!
JANE
Yeah! [UNINTELLIGIBLE]
MAHAN
Sam Bankman-Fried?
JANE
I don't know who that is. I've never heard of him.
MAHAN
Oh, you're talking about the Facebook guy.
JANE
Um, Mark Zuckerberg?
MAHAN
Mark Zuckerberg.
JANE
Yeah, he's totally a lizard. He's so weird.
MAHAN
Oh my gosh.
JANE
Oh. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] -flickering. I was blinking [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. -just cover that mirror. Okay, now we’re good. Oh no, now my phone is typing things to you. Stop that. I have it on my keyboard and I lean forward. Oh no. Sent you a bunch of spaces.
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
Ah. My mouth is frothing because I'm talking so much.
MAHAN
That's fine.
JANE
Did you go to college and stuff?
MAHAN
I did.
JANE
Oh, what was it for?
MAHAN
I went for animation and game design.
JANE
That's very funny.
*laughs*
That makes so much sense. I love how much sense that makes.
MAHAN
Are you gonna be okay?
JANE
I think that if I ever became a well known person. [UNINTELLIGIBLE]
MAHAN
What did you say?
JANE
-people on 4chan pretending to be me and posting weird stuff. But then I-
MAHAN
I’m sorry you’re- I'm sorry about that.
JANE
-weird. I'll hop on there and I'll see a picture of me and it will be like, “18F” and then all of my social media and then I have to go switch them out again. So I get like a billion adds from guys in fedoras or something.
MAHAN
Funny.
JANE
Yeah, ‘cause I don't even use 4chan, unless someone is sending it to me being like, “Hey, I saw you on there again.” I'm like, “Oh, cool. Another one.” So I didn't use 4chan until I found out I was on it. So I go on there, I look at it and I have to see whatever social media account. Sometimes they put down the email. That sucks.
MAHAN
That does suck.
JANE
I have compilations with me. And then a bunch of loli pictures right next to it.
MAHAN
Uh oh.
JANE
I know, it'll be like dismembered lollies and they have their legs cut off so they can't run. Yeah, you know.
MAHAN
Oh my god.
JANE
*laughs*
Sorry. I'm over sharing.
MAHAN
It's okay.
JANE
[UNINTELLIGIBLE] Like at that broken phase where it only works in certain directions.
MAHAN
Ohh.
JANE
I have to keep flipping it over and putting it [UNINTELLIGIBLE] the right way. What kind of stuff did you do in school? Like, I'm going to [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Were you in a band?
MAHAN
No, I wasn't in a band.
JANE
Okay. What did you do? [HARD TO HEAR] Extra- uh, extracur... Extra...
MAHAN
Extracurriculars?
JANE
I couldn't get it out. Oh, yeah. What did you do for extracurriculars?
MAHAN
It was- I was in college 15 years ago, so it's hard to remember.
JANE
Oh. Damn, that's a while. Wow. Okay, let's just, uh... You go to, like, bars and stuff?
MAHAN
No, I don't go out. I just stay inside and work on the game.
JANE
I was expecting that answer, but I was hoping it wasn't. I feel like if I went outside more, I would be a well-adjusted person who wouldn't think about weird stuff. But then I also think that I hate everyone else. They all kind of suck anyway. I would rather be in my room playing Minecraft. That sounded really rude. And that...
MAHAN
It's okay, pat pat pat.
JANE
Oh yeah, characters. Oh, the hot ones. The hot ones. The hot ones with their phones. They're the bitches.
MAHAN
The bullies.
JANE
Yeah. Yeah. They have [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. I guess they [UNINTELLIGIBLE] ombré or something. They're pretty. I think [UNINTELLIGIBLE] all of the girls pretty, but in different ways. I like karate guy. He's got a good personality.
MAHAN
Budo.
JANE
Yeah. It's been a few years. Oh, I’ll look up [UNINTELLIGIBLE] character. There. Ooh, in alphabetical order. Okay. Oh, they don't have pictures. I guess I won't. Ooh, wow. Oh my god, wow. Oh, it's terrible. Oh my god. [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Oh, I can push my wrist back. Ooh. Did you get pale because you were always inside?
MAHAN
Uh, maybe. I don't really know.
JANE
Okay. I've gotten really pale since I've been inside, so I've been outside tanning for two hours every day, one hour on each side, no sunscreen, and I still haven't gotten any tan at all. I’m just so- [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
MAHAN
You look fine the way you are. You don’t need to worry about that.
JANE
[UNINTELLIGIBLE] off of me. I haven't been outside today or yesterday though, because my dog killed a groundhog, and there's, like, groundhog blood everywhere.
MAHAN
Wow.
JANE
He's just really proud of it, yeah. And he saved my tomatoes. He's such a good boy.
I need some milk.
MAHAN
Lewd.
JANE
What?
MAHAN
Nothing.
JANE
I like the shape of my smile.
MAHAN
Oh, that's pretty.
JANE
[UNINTELLIGIBLE] they’re my favorite. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] like, uh, [UNINTELLIGIBLE] The Korean.
MAHAN
The Korean.
JANE
No, I just... No, it's his name. It's his name on Discord. The Korean. You're so cool.
MAHAN
Aw, thanks. You're pretty cool.
JANE
Yay! Yeah, I like your game. And I like... I like your stream. Um... Oh. I don't know, I just, I like you. I like when you’re funny. I like when you make jokes. I really appreciate your jokes. Because you have a really flat voice. So nothing sounds serious. And it makes it so much funnier.
MAHAN
Interesting.
JANE
Yeah, did you check out the hentai that I sent you? It was really good.
MAHAN
Uhh, oh yeah, I did.
JANE
‘Cause I used to have a hentai [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. I was like, it was really bad. It was during COVID. I was like in middle school. I should not have been watching any of that. But I was. I’m oversharing.
MAHAN
It's okay.
JANE
I don't know. I feel like it’s [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Like, I'm one of the guys, right. That's [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
Like, cowgirl hat... Oh my... Barbie wore in the Barbie movies... is... immaculate costume design. Oh my god. I love Chanel. Um... What else was I gonna talk about? [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Forgot what I was talking about. Oh yeah, the hat! That cowboy hat that she wore, the movie with the cowboy boots and her bel-aired bottoms, I love [UNINTELLIGIBLE], she's so cool and um what else, what else? [UNINTELLIGIBLE]
MAHAN
Something about Barbie movie?
JANE
Yeah, um the plot actually really sucked, it was boring and none of it was like new inspirational feminism. I guess it was for Greta Gerwig because she's a dinosaur-
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
-but for me that was all stuff that was talked about when I was like five. I've known it since I was teeny tiny. I'm sorry that her old person's brain blends all of her years together and she doesn't know what's new. How old is she? I'll Google that. “Greta Gerwig-” Ew, what? How is she only 40? There's no way she's only 40. She looks 50.
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
Botox. Ew. I genuinely thought that she was older than that. Oh god. No, not, [UNINTELLIGIBLE] that’s not very feminist of me. Exactly what [UNINTELLIGIBLE] the Barbie movie!
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
If you laugh, I laugh. And I don't want to laugh because I really need to take a drink.
MAHAN
Oh you.
JANE
Look. It's really good. I love Gatorade. Ahaha! Oh god. You should have turned your camera on.
MAHAN
Ohh, you'll see how old I am.
JANE
I don’t care. You can be old. [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Let me look at you.
MAHAN
You’re cute.
JANE
Yeah, exactly, you should... I want to look at you too. Please?
MAHAN
I don't feel good about it.
JANE
Okay. *kiss sound*
MAHAN
Oh, you're sweet.
JANE
Yeah. You like my blanket?
MAHAN
It looks comfortable.
JANE
Like, it’s pink on the inside. I love pink. My most favorite color. That's why my bed frames and pillow and half of my lights are pink. All my lipstick is pink too. I don't have any, like, peaches or reds. It's all pink, pink is the prettiest. Okay. Okay. Do you ever do your makeup?
MAHAN
I've never done makeup in my life. Is that something that's expected of men these days? Now men are expected to wear makeup?
JANE
They’re not expected to, but I know a lot of them do. There is this, um, uh, what was, uh... I forget everything I was about to say. Oh no. I have nothing to add to the conversation because I forgot where my brain was going. I don't want to go back to school.
MAHAN
When does school begin again?
JANE
August 24th. Ah! Yikes. Um, I feel like I haven't even done anything summer-y. Um, no, I- both my guidance counselors quit.
MAHAN
Wow.
JANE
Yeah. So now, um, I, okay. I gotta, like, set this up for you. I went to one school. I'm going to call it School A. I was at School A and my guidance counselor at School A left two weeks before I moved. So I moved to my dad's house and now I'm going to School B. Guess who my new assistant principal is that they just got a few weeks ago? It's my old guidance counselor from School A-
MAHAN
Oh my god.
JANE
-and both of the guidance counselors at my new school quit. So now, guidance counselor from School A is going to be my guidance counselor even though she screwed up my classes so bad. She put me in Spanish 2. I never took Spanish 1, I took German 1, and I forgot everything in German, so I didn't want a language anyways.
MAHAN
Wow!
JANE
Yeah, and she didn't put me in ROTC and it was like I need to be in ROTC because if I don't have somewhere to scream at kids. I'm just going to blow up internally. Man-
MAHAN
ROTC?
JANE
Yeah, yeah, you know like rappelling down towers and air rifles and flags. You know?
MAHAN
I don't know what ROTC is.
JANE
Well, I was in NJROTC which is Navy, Junior Reserves, Officers’ Training Corps.
MAHAN
Oh!
JANE
Yeah, yeah. So I got to like rappel down towers and we stayed on this air force base, it was so much fun. Well, I also did a lot of community service with those guys and it was just a really good place to have friends except for not really. The girls in it were kind of bitchy. Like, I would wear, like, sparkly lip gloss to school and then the girls would be like, “Why are you wearing lip gloss? Why are you so girly? You know, guys like natural girls.” I was natural and sorry that I wanted sparkly lips. Ugh. But they all had, like, a weird mentality with it [UNINTELLIGIBLE] makeup. They were like, “We're in ROTC, we can't be girly.” But yes you can. It's not that hard.
MAHAN
I see.
JANE
I just complained again. I'm so into complaining.
MAHAN
It's okay.
JANE
You should complain to me so I don't feel guilty.
MAHAN
Um, this world is full of shitty people.
JANE
I get it. You can just, like, yell about them. Just be all pissed off.
MAHAN
*with a valley girl accent*
Oh my god, I'm so pissed off. The shitty people, oh my god.
JANE
Yeah, like that. But more violent. Like, you know.
MAHAN
*intensely*
Oh my god. I'm so pissed off. Oh my god. Oh my god.
JANE
*laughs*
MAHAN
Rarararara.
JANE
Bark at me.
MAHAN
*laughs*
Rarararara. Rarararara.
JANE
[UNINTELLIGIBLE]. Oh, god, [UNINTELLIGIBLE] school. Oh, no, I passed algebra, I won't have to take algebra again. God, I would have killed myself if I had to take Algebra a third time. I would just... God, I hate Algebra. It makes [UNINTELLIGIBLE]. What was your favorite subject?
MAHAN
English.
JANE
I can see that. You like to type very... like, adulty?
MAHAN
*laughs*
I type adulty.
JANE
Yeah, and like, paragraphs. Like, you can type paragraphs. Were you really good at essays?
MAHAN
Yeah.
JANE
Yeah, because you say a lot of stuff that is like all of it at once, and it's like, whoa, that's a lot of words. And that's - essays are supposed to be a lot of words. I think that you type kind of like Ben Shapiro. Like when he talks, but you don't talk like him, you talk like you.
MAHAN
I remind you of Ben Shapiro?
JANE
Yeah, you talk like him when you're typing, but not when you're talking with your voice.
MAHAN
Hmm.
JANE
Like if you read it with the Ben Shapiro cadance, it sounds exactly something he’d say.
MAHAN
I see.
JANE
He also gets a lot of hate. He's kind of a cunt. He's, like, really squeaky, and he's five-four. He’s not actually-
MAHAN
*imitating Ben Shapiro’s cadence*
Get a bucket and a mop that’s a wet ass p-word. I'm going to put an n-word to sleep with my wet-ass p-word.
JANE
*laughing & crying*
Oh, god. That fits so well. That was really silly. You're so enjoyable. Was that the right word? I like your company.
MAHAN
Aw, you're so sweet.
JANE
What?
MAHAN
You're cool.
JANE
I already knew that! No- *laughs*
I don’t know what that was. Oh god. People speaking in Arabic in the Pennsylvania server. We don't speak that here, do we? This is America, we speak everything. I thought it would be like German, ‘cause Pennsylvania Dutch is just German, and- Why not what those Amish people speak in? And they're like, “doo-doo-doopity-doo” and the other one’s like “bippity-boppity-boo” and then they, like, say something, and it's like real words, but you can't tell what it is. Because it's so speedy. You know, with the Amish?
MAHAN
The Amish?
JANE
Yeah, the Amish. I live next to a lot of Amish people. Because Pennsylvania is boring and empty. No, no, no, my blanket fell off. It's so comfy. Yeah. Do you have Amish where you live?
MAHAN
Not where I live.
JANE
Yeah. And that's California.
MAHAN
Southern California.
JANE
Oh, is it hot there?
MAHAN
It's extremely fucking hot.
JANE
Oh yeah. Are you guys having all those fires and stuff? Or is that-?
MAHAN
Yeah. We get the fires.
JANE
Oh, yikes. I hate fires. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] well, it’s been a while! I like talking to you. Who do you normally talk to?
MAHAN
I don't normally talk to anybody.
JANE
But I see you- Well, I saw you in vc on your server. But then I left it because I didn't want to be weird. [UNINTELLIGIBLE]
MAHAN
Good.
JANE
I keep going quiet because I keep spacing out.
MAHAN
That's fine.
JANE
Okay. Why don't you make a lot of money?
MAHAN
Me, make a lot of money?
JANE
Yeah, why don't you?
MAHAN
Uhh, I don't understand the question. JANE
Why don't you make a lot of money?
MAHAN
Because I don't make a lot of money.
JANE
That’s not what- That's not how you answer that. Like, like is-
MAHAN
Why should I be making a lot of money? How should I be making a lot of money?
JANE
Because you're working on a game and you do YouTube. Then you should make more money. And you're like, I don't know, it's like unpaid labor. Do you do tax write-offs for the game?
MAHAN
Uh, no.
JANE
I guess it would be harder to do tax write-offs. I use this much for electricity because it needs electricity in my house. Then you have free electricity. That would be cool. I don't know how they work.
MAHAN
Yeah, it doesn't work like that.
JANE
Yeah, but I wish that. I'm going to just use a potato- MAHAN
Pffft- Oh. JANE
-to light up the lights. Did you do that ever? With a potato? And you, like, jam it in the rods and then your light bulb lights up?
MAHAN
Uhh, I don't remember that stuff.
JANE
Do you have siblings?
MAHAN
I have a brother.
JANE
I have a little brother. He's autistic. Oh yeah, so am I. It's weird to say that. Now I'm diagnosed and I wasn't diagnosed until a little bit ago. So, I normally introduce him as my brother. He’s special needs. This is my brother, he has autism. Now I have to be like, we're siblings with autism and it's weird.
MAHAN
Hmm.
JANE
I think that you have it because of the way you react to things, and I think that you react- MAHAN
*annoyed* What?
JANE You react logical. Like- like autistic I think, and- MAHAN
Oh, you have to be autistic to be logical?
JANE
Uh, well, you’re, like, logical, and kinda not, super, you’re not, like- I don’t know how to put it. It's like you think about things before you do them.
MAHAN
Isn't that a trait that all humans should have?
JANE
No! I mean, they should, yeah. But they don't. I mean, your general vibe, I don't know. I just feel like the way you approach things is the way I approach things.
MAHAN
*awkward laugh*
JANE
I wonder if I'm a bad person. If people would think of me as a bad person if they knew what I thought. People know what you think because you have a lot of people looking at what you think. But people don't know what I think.
MAHAN
Oooh, interesting.
JANE
*laughs*
Maybe I would be considered a terrible person.
MAHAN
What's an example of something that you think or feel or believe, that's an example of something that would make someone think you’re a terrible person?
JANE
Um, I imagine myself, like- ah, this is so weird. Ah, I just imagine myself as, like, the keeper of humanity. Like, everything that I would do. All of the people I would euthanize. All of the personality traits I would deem undesirable.
MAHAN
Oh?
JANE
Like, everything that I would do to make people conform to what I want. And I know that's really selfish. But I think that they would all be better if they were exactly what I wanted.
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
Because what's in my head is really efficient. You know? Like, if they're not-
MAHAN
Mm-hmm.
JANE
-they’re just not efficient enough. They don't think things over. They don't go through the whole process in their head before they do something. They start writing it down. But like, you have to go through it in your head before you start writing it down, because you can't just keep rambling on and then you’ll have to edit things out. Or you could do all of the endings in your brain. And it only takes a few minutes. You know?
MAHAN
Mmhmm, I get it.
JANE
I feel like I have a whole workshop up there. No one else does. But I think that you have a workshop. I'm pretty sure you do.
MAHAN
Yeah. Sounds like we have a lot of the same thoughts.
JANE
Yeah. I wonder if I'm ever going to be noticed for those. I like to believe that I'm my actions because my thoughts are undesirable.
MAHAN
Pat pat pat!
JANE
But even my actions are-
MAHAN
What?
JANE
Like my actions, the stuff that I've done to people, that’s not nice.
MAHAN
Uh oh.
JANE
I feel like it's all been justifiable. Like, I don't go out of my way to be mean to someone who doesn't deserve it. It's just a type of... It's a thing that I notice. I think that my biggest regrets are from like... Yeah, elementary school, when I totally ruined all of the friendships that I did have.
MAHAN
Aw.
JANE
Yeah. I- They would have been permanent friends if I didn’t break down. I don't know what was going on at the time. Oh yeah, my dog died. My dog died and then from there I had, like, meltdowns in class. But I wasn't diagnosed as autistic so the teacher would yell at me for, like, tantrums and stuff.
MAHAN
Mm.
JANE
After my dog died, that was awful. Yeah, but I told everyone, like, to stay away from me. I told them to fuck off and, like, as an elementary schooler, you can't say those words. Those are very, very hurtful to little kids. So when I said that to them, they took it as, like, the ultimate arduous thing you could ever say to them. So they told their moms and then they weren't allowed to talk to me even when I was feeling better. And I don't think they would have wanted to anyway. I was really mean.
MAHAN
Wow.
JANE
That's because they were stupid and they couldn't read.
MAHAN
Uh oh.
JANE
Oh yeah, that's ableist probably.
MAHAN
*sarcastic* You're so terrible then.
JANE
I don't know. Sorry. What- What did you get called? I don't know, something? Someone had DID-
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
That was the worst. Everyone on TikTok had that. They're like, “No, I have it from childhood trauma. My dad beat me.” And like, cool. I would believe it if they weren't all names like Nova and Rex.
MAHAN
Narcissa.
JANE
*laughing*
Yeah. Yeah.
MAHAN
Alexandria Ravencroft.
JANE
Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. I've found believable cases, very believable cases. I just wonder if it's like, I don’t know, I feel like it is a trend. Like everyone got onto it when they wanted to be quirky. Like they have PTSD, but they're framing it as something totally different. And they don't feel guilty because those events actually did happen to them. They're just making up an entire disorder.
MAHAN
Mm-hmm.
JANE
You were first. I got on my nerves. My sister was pretending to have it for while I was- It pissed me off. She would get attention for it. She would like, switch into her altars, whenever I would have friends over. And it was the worst ever. She would be like a total bitch to them. And be like, “No, it wasn't me. You know that I have trauma.” And I was like, “Cool. We have the same stuff, and I don't act like that.”
MAHAN
*laughs*
JANE
I don't, I can't tell if I'm making you laugh in, like, a good or bad way. Like, are you judging me?
MAHAN
It's a good way. It's a good way.
JANE
Okay. Is that a common sibling experience? Probably. She's older than me. My mouth is frothing so much. I have two older brothers, an older sister, and a younger brother. But right now I'm living alone with my dad and my little brother is with my grandparents because I don't have a mother as of right now. So I don't live with any of them. They're back with their original parents. I did go see my rooster the other day and I kicked it because it bit my foot.
MAHAN
Wow, wow!
JANE
Did I send you a video?
MAHAN
I don't think you did.
JANE
Okay. I’ll send it to you because it’s really funny. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] Okay yeah, there’s a rooster, and there’s my dog killing a groundhog! So you can have them both. As soon as they send. It shouldn’t take- Would you mind if I go downstairs [UNINTELLIGIBLE]?
MAHAN
Go right ahead.
JANE
Okay.
[LONG SILENCE]
JANE
[UNINTELLIGIBLE]
MAHAN
What was that?
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