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Okay this may sound fake but I swear it's the truth.
I work for a professional sports team in entertainment and I work a lot with former athletes and other celebrities just performing short interviews in front of large crowds at the stadium. Last year while at work, I got to interview a VERY popular and famous female athlete (arguably the most famous woman in her sport in the world before she retired). She's 37 years old and I'm only 27 years old.
Usually when I interview people, we do an interview, take a quick picture and then they go on their way back to their box seats or whatever. But this woman was very down to earth and told me she wanted to hang on the field and watch the game from field level for the experience (she played a different sport from the game we were watching).
So I assumed she would make her rounds and talk with the other athletes and staff but when I sat down, she sat right next to me. So we talked almost the entire 1st half of the game and at halftime she stated how cold she was (it was about 40 degrees F out and she had a light jacket on). So being a man raised in a House full of women, I gave her my jacked with no hesitation knowing that I would freeze my ass off. She was incredibly grateful and about 15 minutes later she says "I know you're freezing and I appreciate you so much, let's share the warmth" and she leaned over on our field-side seats and put her head on my shoulder a kinda cuddled up next to me and I put my arm around her. She stayed like that pretty much for the rest of the game while we talked about sports and about our lives and it felt like we hit it off. We were dying of laughter the whole time and even had some serious conversations about her career, my career and the difficulties of what we do for work.
I didn't really stop to think if it was flirtatious in any way because I was sort of in shock that it was actually happening lmao. And either way she was married at the time so I definitely didn't think anything of it.
After the game she told me she had a great time and that she hopes to see me again and gave me a huge tight hug and a big smile before leaving (no other celebrity I've ever worked with has hugged me before lol, just handshakes).
My fellow staff immidiately came up to me and said "it looks like you had a great time hanging with ******😉" obviously implying that it looked like we were flirting. That's when I realized what may have transpired lol. Fast forward 8 months later and it came out in the news that she was actually divorcing her husband because of severe marriage troubles that were occurring for a long time. So that heightened my suspicion that something may have actually transpired and that she wasn't happy in her marriage when we were at the game together.
I never got her number because I was afraid to ask and I can't dm her because she's so famous (I tried congratulating her on her retirement and she didn't see it). But I would say there's a 50-50 chance she returns next season for another game.
Should I make a move if she returns or am I looking too deep in to a beautiful, smart, funny, iconic woman just being nice to me? Also maybe she was just acting this way in an older woman kind of manner and just looks at me as a baby because of our 10 year age difference.
She actually only lives an hour from me so I thought maybe grabbing her number and offering up a dinner date in a casual way might be the move. I really don't want to embarrass myself especially at work, but I also don't want to live my life knowing that I missed out on this opportunity 😂. My biggest fear is that I ask her, she gets creeped out and says something to my superiors. Please help! What should I do?

(*I did my makeup here but used FaceApp for the skin and hair!)
I was raised conservative and Christian. I even went to a private Christian high school. I had written a very dark poem that I don’t even remember what it said…but I do remember how I accidentally left it in class and someone anonymously turned it in which triggered a meeting w me, my parents and the principle. My dad was so upset that my mom was so sad that I learned early on to “keep up appearances”.
Some of the usual suspects: Sneaking into moms shoes at a young age, when older I was sneaking into my sisters wardrobes. When one got married, I hated what I was wearing and was so envious of her wedding dress. I played video games as female characters (and still do even at 53 now). I was jealous of the cheerleaders in high school, as an adult I almost always went as a female character for Halloween like Elsa from frozen, Supergirl or Alice in Wonderland…the list goes on.
It was probably that last costume listed that I started thinking it was more than just cross dressing. I remember coming home from that and crying (again, adult) as I didn’t want to take that look off my face. I didn’t know it at the time but that was gender dysphoria.
I rarely dated as although I liked women and still do, there was something different in how I’d relate with them. I pushed things down, binged and purged clothes and makeup more than I can remember. Eventually about 20 yrs ago I started almost exclusively going out with women who were trans. I know there are a lot of creepy chasers out there but in my case, looking at all the signs over the years, I was clearly trying to see THEIR life, and sadly kind of live my life vicariously through them I guess. I even ended up marrying a woman that is trans and still am after five years. She knew about my background beforehand but I was still trying to convince myself and her that it was just sporadic cross dressing.
At my work, I am allowed to wear nail polish and at first I felt paranoid about this and only did a few days a week and by now it’s pretty much 24/7 where I often forget I’m even wearing it. My dysphoria starting shooting up drastically then and I suddenly started really (allowing?) getting jealous of women’s clothes and body shapes. I’d feel awful about it but it was and is relentless. Around this time my wife was getting breast implants and I found myself happy for her but almost immediately I got extremely envious. Once again the person I married was essentially living the life I wish I started DECADES ago and I hadn’t even started HRT. I wouldn’t allow myself to even consider it.
Well there was an unrelated crisis months ago where we both went into individual therapy. And one thing, the main thing, that came out of mine is that to no surprise at all getting diagnosed with gender dysphoria.
I have an appointment that was made MONTHS ago (Florida, enough said) and it’s finally a week away as of tomorrow. To say that I am excited, scared, worried and so many other adjectives is a huge understatement. I’m not going to chicken out but man my wife and I will likely be getting divorced (still be friends) and my family still doesn’t even know as they will likely be blindsighted. I predict my mom will cry and my older sister will get mad but maybe I’m wrong. My brother cut me off five years ago when he found out I was marrying someone trans. The one person in my family who DOES know this about me is my younger sister who I’m closest to. Fortunately she and I are the same politically and culturally.
Have any of you that are on HRT actually waited a certain number of months (or even a year or more?) to tell family so that you could tell how it was making you feel mentally while on it so you could know 100% you weren’t one of the rare people that STOPS taking HRT? I just don’t know when and how to break something so life changing to them. And they are in California so I can’t exactly have a face to face meeting unfortunately. Did any of you get on a video call and tell your mom or dad? My younger sister has agreed to support me in this way if I do it when she is available to be at my moms for a call. Originally I was going to call May 1. Then I thought day of the first injection on May 20…but again now I’m wondering if I should wait at least two or three months to see how I’m feeling and looking. But I’m also afraid if I wait too long that they will next see me and I will look androgynous or something. I don’t usually see them more than once every 2-3 years and I will likely look VERY different by then.
Thank you for those that made it to the end of this, I’m sorry it was so long. I’m very excited but very stressed about all the likely fallout from this too. I can only hope that because I had married someone who is trans that they don’t think she suddenly made me this way but instead that maybe it will soften the shock with it being closer in the family than a transgender daughter in law or sister in law when they essentially always had another daughtesister in our family.

I’ve had a lot of adventures in my life.
I’ve traveled, made friends, seen sights, competed in sports, and participated in events.
Sometimes, following any of these endeavors, a small object would find itself in my possession. A knickknack, a totem, a doodad.
Maybe it was a collection of Mardi Gras beads from my trip to New Orleans. Or a t-shirt tossed by a cheerleader at a sporting event. A toy from a claw machine. A mixtape from a friend. A thank-you note. A cheap piece of junk from a tourist’s gift shop.
Whatever they were didn’t matter — what matters is that they were often a representation of whatever moment in time they came from.
I never threw these things away. I set them on my desk or on my shelves. When those spaces filled up, I bought two small storage containers. They’re filled to the brim and I’m currently filling a third.
Why keep the color-coordinated bandana a stranger gave me in the park during Pokemon Go’s heyday? Why hold onto the Save the Date from my high school friend who ended up getting divorced not two years later? What significance or use could I possibly have for those goofy White Elephant gifts my kickball team gave at the yearly Christmas party?
No purpose, no reason and there is none, respectively.
And yet I don’t want to let them go. You see, they are reminders of times and experiences — Keepsakes. Mementos. Souvenirs. In some ways, they’re a physical collection and documentation of my life.
It reminds me a little bit of this weird quirk I have when I play video games.
--
I likely dumped more than 500 hours across all my Skyrim save files. There was no other game, there needn’t be any other game and there still hasn’t been any other game since.
In my adulthood, I returned to one of its many definitive editions for one last victory lap. With my experience, memory and fully-formed adult brain, I approached the game methodologically, in an optimal order, carefully. I built my ideal character and crafted only what was needed — down to the last iron ingot. I explored, I experienced — I did every major and minor quest, making it my perfect playthrough.
One thing I love about Skyrim is the loot. Yes, there’s 20 million iron daggers and boring, inventory-cluttering useless items… but then there’s the special ones.
There’s the unique weapons at the end of each Daedric quest. The trinkets from the Thieves Guild. Spellbooks, statuettes and storybooks. The eerily-delivered note for the assassin’s questline. The robes of the king, the rings and necklaces of Jarls.
You know them — the items with one-of-a-kind names and designs that are specific to each of their quests.
You see, these items carry a story with them. How you stole for them or killed for them. Traveled, battled, talked, stealthed, lied, solved your way into their possession. They’re the game’s biggest treat.
That’s why, at the culmination of my final ever Skyrim playthrough, I bought a house in Whiterun and filled it with these objects.
Weapons and armors on the walls and on the racks, items and books placed carefully on shelves - but not just any weapons, armors, objects and books. Only the special ones. It was a house that told the story of all of my adventures.
I sat down in a chair next to Aela the Huntress in my castle, my throne room. I saved my game one final time.
--
For all of gaming’s swashbuckling adventures, magnificent worlds and large stretches of land to traverse, they don’t always give us too much to remember them by, do they?
I appreciate Skyrim so much for understanding the nature of the epic they were creating. The ability to fill your house with display cases, armor mannequins and weapon racks demonstrates the developer’s awareness of their playerbase and the scale of the adventures they were sending them on.
These are adventures to cherish, to tell tales of, to be remembered.
Will anyone else give me what Skyrim did?
…
The answer’s yes, actually.
It’s a fascinating yes, too — because not every keepsake system is cut from the same cloth. Games offer unique takes on the mechanic that energize it, give it new life and perspective and add layers of meaning to it in fresh ways.
And I’ve got plenty of examples.
--
In The Outer Worlds, special items you collected while out adventuring would be placed in specific locations throughout your ship, The Unreliable, upon return. These included things like:
• Posters• Signs• Various ISO items• Tossballs & Tossball cards• Golden bird statuettes• Many, many more
Sometimes these were stored by the game in your captain’s quarters, but other times, they’d appear in your squad’s quarters instead.
No matter where they got stored, these items were more than just junk. They were signature weapons of terrible villains whom you defeated, they were outlandish garb from flamboyant characters who painstakingly passed away to protect your life, they were motifs of resource-gouging corporations whom you shutdown for the good of cities and planets.
They were special, they were keepsakes. Their addition made The Unreliable feel alive and lived in, part of your own, unique journey, filled with the stories and tales of your adventure and — importantly and specifically to The Outer Worlds — your choices.
—
The second and third installments of the Mass Effect series contained model ships you could buy from vendors that would then go on display on desks or on racks in your spaceship, The Normandy.
These are a little different because you buy them, rather than slice somebody’s head off for them, but they still count.
What makes them still count here is twofold:
• Some model ships only become available after completing certain missions that actually involve the ship you’re buying a model of, so they still serve as a reminder and memento of specific accomplishments in this way
• If you transferred your save data through the games, models you collected in ME2 would appear automatically on The Normandy in ME3. Being able to carry souvenirs into a sequel is exceptional, and a feat I’ve not found any other game to match.
Mass Effect: Andromeda saw a return of this feature, too. You ended up re-gathering old ships of yore in this installment, however. Andromeda also featured a more traditional collectible-style search; these model ships were looted from various locations in the world.
The original trilogy used the model ships as landmarks for its major moments, to be remembered across the series, while Andromeda paid homage to the previous games and encouraged its players to explore its world more thoroughly.
—
In Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, building up your burgeoning young settlement of Ravensthorpe is a central gameplay mechanic — as you acquire more resources to build with, the size of the village grows both in length, width and inhabitants.
The game includes optional side quests that change those who wander your evolving home and hub in medieval England. They include:
• Capturing a stray cat• Saving a fox from a burning home• Befriending a fallen hunter’s wolf pet
In each instance, the living being will join your settlement — the cat will stay underneath Eivor’s seat in your longship, the fox will wander Ravensthorpe and the wolf will welcome you in your personal quarters, howling at your arrival.
You can interact and pet them whenever you like, playing a short animation displaying the affection between the two.
These three “collectibles” don’t feel like trinkets, but living, breathing additions to your home that give it joy and life, as well as keep you young.
—
Speaking of Norse culture, central to Biomutant is a form of Yggdrasil — the WorldTree.
Central to Biomutant’s story is saving the old, decaying and currently-being-eaten-by-giant-monsters WorldTree. And there are two impressive quests in the game that reflect back to the player their efforts in saving it.
One quest saves the tree from festering toxins below its roots — and the tree’s colors change from green to fluorescent white as a result.
Another quest by the name of Aurora has you activate monoliths around the map that direct energy to the WorldTree. The quest climaxes by having the tree give off a swirling, sparkling aura that hangs perpetually while you travel the world and complete more objectives.
It even matches your affinity — if you’re taking the side of love and justice, the aura is white, while if you play for the destruction of the planet, the aura will hang black.
What’s special about these to me is that they don’t do anything. They don’t get you any closer to saving the world or the tree, but they definitely did something important –
The WorldTree’s central location in the map and absolutely massive scale allow for it to be seen at all times from just about anywhere in Biomutant’s world. This means, after I had completed these two quests, the fruits of my labor were on gloriously beautiful display at all times.
Biomutant’s mementos aren’t keepsakes you can’t take with you when you leave the planet — they’re visual celebrations of your hard work, an ever-present reminder of your endeavors and care for a dying world.
—
More briefly, Cyberpunk 2077 allowed you to fill V’s apartment with keepsakes as well, featuring dream catchers, posters, paintings, action figures and more.
In Star Wars: X-Wing Alliance Ace Azzameen’s personal quarters would fill up with medals and displays as you progressed through the game.
In The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, some of the most legendary Zelda equipment ever was available to the player, including the Sword of Six Sages, the Fierce Deity Sword, and the Biggorons Sword — all of which can be hung in display cases in Link’s home.
Meanwhile, Uncharted 4 greets players near its opening sequence with an attic filled with memorabilia and keepsakes that Nathan Drake himself has kept after all these years. It’s not us — the players — ourselves collecting and hoarding, but it was lovely to see Drake thinking along the same lines as us souvenir psychopaths.
—
I’ll end with gaming’s classic — Mario. The red-hatted Italian also did the keepsake thing in one of his most beloved installments.
Super Mario: Odyssey allowed you to decorate The Odyssey with stickers and trinkets from your escapades by spending purple coins you could collect while out adventuring on one of the game’s many worlds.
A vanilla Odyssey player’s ship might look the same as it did at the game’s start, but a completionist might have a slew of trinkets and décor, like:
• Peach’s Model Castle• Dinosaur models and trophies• Shiverian Nesting Dolls• A plush frog• Flowers and a watering can from Steam Gardens• Statues of Pauline, Jaxi, Jizo• A lamp and rock fragment of the moon
Hell, the game director himself sounds like he’s read this very article:

“But what about decorating the ship? There’s a shop that appears in many kingdoms where you can buy souvenirs and stickers using the purple coins you’ve gathered.
Collecting memories is one of the best parts of traveling, don’t you think?” –Kenta Motokura

The ability to make The Odyssey your own evolved the traditional fetch-quest nature of collectible gathering and drove the player to go that little bit of extra distance in exploring and engaging with the various kingdoms and mastering the game’s platforming.
--
Video game narratives and their accompanying worlds are monstrously large nowadays. As enjoyers of the medium, us gamers spend a lot of time in them.
Like, a lot.
In recognition of this, game developers have given gamers a number of distinct tools to document their triumphs and sagas — each with their own unique flavor of congratulations and commemoration.
For our enormous investment with huge worlds and long, winding quests, something tangible we can keep hold of provides value, meaning, memories. They make our journey — one which we have committed so much to — special, transcendent, our own.
They give us things no other entertainment medium can give.
So fuck photo mode. A picture isn’t worth a thousand words — my keepsakes are.
(A special thanks to the members of patientgamers for their contributions to this post that helped inform this essay with games I have and have not played.)

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/MajorArtist340 posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Medium
Original - 21st December 2023
Update1 - 8th January 2024
Update2 - 24th February 2024
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1 New Update
Update3 - 8th May 2024
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AITAH for not offering to pay for my husband and his kids leading him to spend all his savings?
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For a while now my husband, John, has been getting more and more angry over little things and generally moody and distant. I had finally had enough and approached him about separation.
This conversation led to a big blow out and him revealing the state of his finances. My husband and I have always kept our finances separate. Also although we call each other husband and wife and had a wedding we are not actually legally married. This was primarily for inheritance purposes because we each have older children from previous relationships.
Anyway John revealed that he had basically no savings left. That all the money he had saved for retirement and for his kids schooling was gone. Furthermore he said it was all my fault since he used all his savings up to try and keep up with my lifestyle.
There was never anything crazy in terms of bills or anything like that and we always split it all equally. The house we live in I own outright as well, so there wasn’t a mortgage payment.
However I have always liked to travel a lot on fairly extravagant vacations. I would invite John or John and his children to join on trips, but never made them feel like they had to come. That’s said he was expected to pay for himself and for his kids. Except for recently he accepted every invitation.
I would also give my kids things he considered “extravagant”, but I considered “normal”. So he felt like he had to give similar things to his own kids.
John said with all the spending to keep up his savings dwindled very fast. I expressed that I couldn’t understand how or why he would spend all he had when he knew he couldn’t afford it. He said it was like keeping up with the Joneses only worse because it was at home so he couldn’t block it out. John thinks since I knew his job I should have had a basic understanding of his finances and realizes this wasn’t a lifestyle he could maintain. That the kind thing would have been to offer to pay for the trips and other things instead of dangle them in front of his and his kids faces.
Looking back I probably could have realized that this spending didn’t make sense for his salary, but I wasn’t thinking about it. I don’t think it was my responsibility to keep his finances in mind here. We had agreed from the beginning to keep our finances separate so to me that means paying for things separately.
Edit. We do not live in a state with common law marriage
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Comments
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sessamo
Info: How old are both of you, and do you have any children together? I'm getting the vibe that y'all are a mature couple and just not communicating very well.

OOP: I’m 44. He’s 53. We don’t have any children together.

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CaptainSensemakerOi
NTA John blew through his finances all on his own and that because his fragile ego couldn’t deal with you having more money than him.
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Vegetable-Cod-2340
Exactly, if he’s capable of complaining about it now, one wonders why he couldn't say anything then. There's something so cringe about an adult unable to take responsibility for their own choices.
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Kittenfabstodes
ESH. This wasn't a marriage, this was roommates with benefits.
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Kooky-Today-3172
ESH- John should have ended your marriage way earlier. He can't keep with your lifestyle and would horrible and Very unfair to subject his children in a life where half of the family goes on fancy vacations regurlaly and the other stay home. He should have been honest way earlier before his savings drained and ended the marriage. You should have more awareness of your partner's struggled. How do you share a life with someone and don't realize this things?

OOP: He paid for things without any hint that he was struggling. I assume his attitude change was when things started to get really bad and I did ask what was wrong, but he would just say things were fine or say he was upset about some little thing like the dishes not being put away.
With how things are now it’s hard to talk in present tense. I loved him. For me it just feels like it would be wrong for my money and assets to go to anyone other than my kids given. For him well I don’t really need any inheritance, so it just makes the most sense for it to have gone to his children. For restaurants we’ve always just taken turns paying.

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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 18 days later
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After reading all the comments on my first post I realized I needed more time to think about things. I also thought with the situation how it was it would be best that we spend the holidays apart to avoid and controversy. He wasn't a fan of the idea, but I eventually got him to agree to go.
Last week things settled down so we met up to have a more detailed discussion about the state of his finances. A few more things were revealed. I found out that he had lost his job earlier this year and didn't tell me. He got a new job in October, but he went over 4 months without one while pretending he still had one. During that time he only got a small amount of money from unemployment, so he started putting everything on his credit cards. His new job doesn't pay as much as his old one so he hasn't been able to pay more than the minimum towards his debts which are now substantial.
I feel like if he had just brought up all these issues earlier this could have been avoided or we could have worked something out. Now I really just feel like I can't trust him. I can't trust him with money and I can't trust him not to hide things from me. I just can't see going back and trying to make things work him at this point. Since he doesn't have a place to take all their things I've agreed to store their stuff in my garage until he gets more settled. Which means I won't be able to make as clean of a break as I would like right now, but for the most part it's over.
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Comments
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WillSayAnything

I found out that he had lost his job earlier this year and didn't tell me. He got a new job in October, but he went over 4 months without one while pretending he still had one.

I will never understand this logic. This is an immediate relationship killer as it should be. I would never be able to trust a partner who goes this route. Someone else commented and I agree. If you can afford it, I'd put their belongings in a storage unit. That way he doesn't get complacent and your garage isn't full of junk.
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Update - 6 weeks later
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I liked the suggestion I was given when last posted of paying for a storage unit for their things for a few months. My ex however did not agree to it. He said it would make things too difficult because the closest storage location was too far out of the way. It definitely felt like he was still trying to cling to things.
Since I couldn’t get a storage unit in his name without his approval I talked to a friend, who is a lawyer, about the situation. He helped me right up a notice that told him that he had 30 days notice to get their things or they will be disposed of. After 30 days notice was up he still had only picked up a few things.
I ended up calling his ex and asked her if she or their kids wanted anything before I got rid of it all. Well, they had been left in the complete dark about our relationship being over. My ex had been lying to them saying I was sick and then he was sick with Covid and that’s why they hadn’t been able to come over. I’m was not at all surprised this point. I figured she didn’t know about the rest of it either and told her. She is livid. Especially about the money for their kids education since it was part of their divorce agreement.
Anyway the kids all got what they wanted and I had a charity come and pick up the rest. It feels a lot better now that there is a completely clean break. Yes I have gotten the locks changed and blocked his number. Since there is no reason for me to have contact with him anymore this is probably the last time I’ll be posting.
I think I’m there future I will probably look for more transparency when it comes to financials in any serious future relationships. With how much he was lying I can only imagine what else he may have been lying about. Had I known more I don’t think he would have been able to hide things. I am just so grateful and relieved that I was able protect myself and my children.
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Comments
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SnooWords4839
I'm glad you called his ex. Well, nice to know he didn't just lie to you.
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Old-Afternoon2459
Sounds like he’s a liar. He lied to you, his ex, his kids, and maybe even himself. It also sounds like he can’t accept responsibility for anything, attempts to blame others and then keep lying to cover his tracks. Congratulations on not legally marrying this guy.
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BeulahPierce
There was no partnership in his eyes, only competition. I’m happy you are able to now move and and heal from this nonsense. I hope his kids had no ill will towards you.
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**New Update*\*
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UPDATE 3: AITAH for not offering to pay for my husband and his kids leading him to spend all his savings? - 10 weeks later
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I know I said that that would be my last update. It’s not really necessary for me to make another, but now I’m kind of using this as a form of journaling which I’ve found cathartic. The previous posts are all under my username.
I only had one run in with my ex since the last incident. He came to my house. I only spoke to him through the camera. He asked about getting his things. I told him that I had already got rid of everything as I had warned him, but that his kids had taken some things. I also told him he needed to leave and to not come back. Surprisingly he didn’t make a big fuss about it. He just said okay and that he was sorry for bothering me before he left, but he did look very tired so maybe that’s why.
I have not seen him since and apparently his ex and his kids haven’t heard from him in all this time either. This update had more to do with them than my ex actually. His ex contacted me to ask about him. She wanted to know if I had heard from him or had his new contact information. His phone is apparently no longer in service. I told her how I hadn’t had any contact with his since the aforementioned visit.
She also asked if she and I could meet up for coffee and talk. I declined because honestly I couldn’t think of a reason for us to meet up. Though I did offer to pass on any info about him if I heard anything.
She apparently wanted to talk to me about helping her pay for her eldest child’s (who is now a senior in highschool) education next year. She also subtly implied there was some fault on my part for their lacks of funds. I rather cowardly told her I would think about it and ended the call.
To be honest I feel like it’s an unfair position she’s putting me in. The main reason being that her children don’t seem to care for me. We got along alright while I was with their dad. However since I ended things with him it has been complete silence from them. I did try to reach out to them to see if they were okay. They never responded. Even when they came over to get their things they ignored me and my youngest. However I did get a message after the call with their mom about how she missed me. The timing though just makes it seem sort of like manipulation to get money out of me.
Edit. I have since blocked all of them.
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Comments
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Broad-Discipline2360
NTA I wouldn't give them a penny. Idk what the laws look like in your country, but I know that if you start, sometimes it can become your responsibility because you set a precedent. Keep staying away from that circus. Edit to add: Your ex husband's bad financial planning IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Don't let her guilt you into that nonsense.
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Snowybird60
I was thinking the same thing. How the hell is it he lied about losing his job, lied about spending his savings on these vacations eyc...when he could have just not gone. Or idk, TALKED TO HIS WIFE???Now it's supposed to be OPs responsibility to put his kids through school?? Yeah, fuck that.
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PrideofCapetown
Unless OP somehow magicked her ex’s sperm into his ex’s uterus, there is no way, shape or form OP is responsible for anything related to either of them or their children. Literally not OP’s monkey, not her circus. She should block them all
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Yes, you read it right. I am a time traveller from your future. In the future, we meet, get comfortable with each other, grow close, fall in love, marry, have beautiful kids, file a divorce and 50 feet restraining order just kidding and live happily together. Don't believe me, it's alright, I'll remind you about this post 20 years from now when we are maddeningly in love with each other. How you were charmed by my singing, almost rolled on the floor laughing due to my sarcasm, got mesmerised reading my poems and stories, got hooked watching great horror from my recommendations and fangirled with me over our common favourite manga and anime. I was so unsure of my looks, my physique and personality, but your smile made it easier. I am so eager to meet you love, but as you know, you are the one that finds me. So please, don't let this chance go. Find me, let's meet and fall in love, like we already have.

LONG post so thank you in advance to anyone who'll bear with me!
So me (35M) and this girl (30F) have dated back in 2016-17 and even though the highs were amazing we eventually broke up due to LDR reasons. I couldn't handle her living in a city a couple hours away and only being able to consistently see her on weekends. That led to a lot of arguments and eventually she got with another guy. Once I realized that, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I proposed to her in 2018 thinking that would get her back (so dumb looking back at it now). She almost agreed but her mom talked her out of it. So that was that for almost a year.
Then in 2019 (less than a year after the proposal idiocy) we got back in touch and even though she was still in a relationship with that same guy she agreed to come see me in my city a few times and then even go on a short trip with me, sex and all. When we were together it was great, but as soon as our together time was over and it was her back to her city and guy it was again very barebones communication over text. This happened between us 3 or 4 times in 2019.
Now it's important to note that all the previous things happened while I was working in China. I'm American and she's Chinese. Then in 2020 I had to leave China for the US because of the pandemic and I thought I'd probably never see her again or she'll get married or w/e. We kept in touch casually over text from 2020 to 2023 and I dated another girl during that time and felt that I got over the former.
Then in early 2023 I see her post a photo of hers with her parents and in a wedding dress. I message her to honestly congratulate her on getting married to which she tells me that she's actually single and that those were just studio photos. That piqued my interest (i just became single myself) and we started chatting and things quickly escalated to her asking me to come back to China, that she needs me, that she wants to try again and a lot of similar unhinged needy energy involving our potential future etc. That kind of sudden neediness actually scared me off and instead of flying to China I backed off our conversation, which made her outright block me in April 2023. Which was somehow a relief for me.
Haven't heard from her for the rest of 2023 and she kept me blocked. Thought it was over for good, but, being the idiot that I am, decided to give her a call for her birthday in January 2024. Lo and behold she answers the call and we have a very pleasant chat which concludes with her saying she wants to try and get a US visa and visit me in the States. (FYI she was previously refused a US visa in 2018 when we were dating and that was a huge traumatic experience for her and I think even contributed to our breakup at the time, pushing her away from me as an American into the direction of her China home.) So I say "OK, let's try it!" and she's all giddy like "I really wanna go, I want to meet your parents". So we do all the necessary preparations for her interview etc, BUT the earliest interview date we can get is in mid-March 2024, while our original hope was for her to visit in February 2024 during the Chinese New Year holidays.
So with the US visa interview set for March 2024 she begrudgingly goes on a different trip to Japan for the Chinese New Year holidays in February 2024. While she's in Japan I start to get weird vibes from her - infrequent texts, slow response, lack of communication. So I start thinking she's in Japan with another guy. Then one day after she comes back from Japan she calls me very distraught and says - "So I went to Japan with this guy and he's really nice, I really like him. He says all the things i want to hear. We even talked about marriage, BUT when we got back from Japan I found that he has another gf (maybe even 2) with whom he also discussed marriage. So he's obviously a liar and a player, and though i really like him I also really miss you and I want to go to the US to see you as soon as possible. Please tell me I'm such an idiot and what should I do". To which I tell her she should get rid of the guy, cause he's obviously nothing but trouble and if she still wants to visit the US after she gets the visa I'm OK with that. Our conversation ends here.
Couple of days later I call her again just to check up on her and get a very cool response saying "Don't worry about me. I'm OK. I'm not the same person that called you a couple of days ago." I just go "ok, whatever, take care". Then stop communicating, though the Visa interview is still looming in the distance.
A week before the visa interview she reaches out asking me to help her prepare and that she's definitely going to try and get the visa. I help her as best as I can and she DOES get the visa. Immediately after getting it she says she will book tickets for May 1 because that's a week of holidays in China and the earliest time she can travel internationally. And she does book the tickets within a few days.
For the rest of March and most of April we don't really communicate except a few messages here and there. I'm low-key expecting her to cancel the trip or come up with some excuse, but no, she calls me and we plan out a 7 day trip in and around New York with hotels and events booked.
So April 26 I fly out to New York and meet her there after almost 5 years since last seeing her in-person in 2019. As soon as we meet its all really sweet as if we're back to our old selves. I booked hotels with a shared single bed, she had absolutely no questions or complaints about that. The first night she gets knocked out pretty early because of jetlag. Then the next morning she tells me she needs to give a call to her friend and for me to be quiet and stay in the other room. Of course I overhear the conversation and it's obvious that it's her bf. So after she's done I outright ask her "Are you single?" she says "No". To which I say "OK, I don't care, but can you be 100% just with me for these 7 days we have here?" She says "I want to and i will try but I can't just disappear"
So over the next 7 days we spend in NY it's a complete roller coaster constantly switching between sweet and warm moments, checking out the sights together, shopping, taking photos, hanging out, which then gives way to periods of quietness, her avoiding my touches, walking out of my hugs. We had sex twice, but it was entirely without kisses, she would move her mouth away and then I just stopped trying, though she did have orgasms both times. Other times if I tried initiating intimacy she would either move away or outright ask me not to bother her. At the same time she would call her bf (that same guy she went to Japan with) while being right next to me and tell him stuff like "oh, sorry the wifi was bad" or "sorry I slept early last night, couldn't call"
During the trip I brought up our circumstances with her and she expressed willingness to leave China and try to come to the US and find a job here cause she likes the place. Then at the same time she has a lot of concerns about leaving her country, family and stable job. She told me she doesn't see the current boyfriend as anything serious or working out. On her last night with me in the States she outright said "I don't want to leave. I wish I could just quit my job and stay here." Then she proceeded to ask me random stuff like "Will you divorce if you marry?", "Where do you want a home?", "Do you feel you're also alone like me?" until finally becoming quiet.
So on May 4 she left, we barely spoke on the way to and at the airport. Exchanged a couple of brief goodbyes and then she walked to her flight without looking back. She sent me messages throughout her flights updating me on her journey. Then when she landed in China she sent a message saying "Thank you for the trip, I really had a lot of fun. Hope to see you soon". Since then we exchanged a couple inconsequential photos and messages and that's that.
I know it's A LOT and thank you to anyone who read all of it, but I would love any honest input on this messed up situation. I know I have feelings for this girl and would give it another shot with her if I knew that she's single, not playing games and determined to honestly try again. She's obviously seriously unstable and I'm sure I played into that too, but i wonder what possibilities are still there for us if any. What would be the best or most reasonable course of action for me in this situation, considering I DO want to try and make something work if it's at all possible. Of course going NC is the smartest choice here, no matter the outcome, but I just want to hear some brutally honest opinions from uninvolved people.
Thank you to anyone who will respond with anything to say. If there's anything you want me to clear up or provide details/context I'll be more than willing to do it.

EDITED : to add more Q&A about her first 2 marriages
I've compiled u/annoyedbasicbabe's responses to the questions asked in the comments of various posts :

• Possible revelations
• it’s all a game to her, and she played us
• Does Mina physically abuse Irfan ?
• Sheena was her moms nickname
• Mina unfortunately upholds biases & stereotypes & embarrasses her family
• If you were not scammed by Mina Irfan, congratulations, but why are you here??
• Annoyed
• Mina's over-the-top stories about her EX-HUSBAND are LIES

CONTEXT
Were you following Mina’s channel like rest of us. And did ppl who know her called it BS from day one ?
I never followed her channel because her advice was not fitted to the type of person I am. I have recently been watching clips that have been posted here so I can help answer some of the questions. I am shocked to hear a lot of the things that have come up here. I wish I had known sooner.
People who knew her claim that they caught her bs from day one. I’m not sure of how accurate that may be. It’s hard to admit you’re wrong so I am not sure if they are being truthful.
so were you surprised at the kind of advice she was doling out?? I mean, given you'd known her almost her whole life....You said something about cutting her off "after she switched personalities in 2019"...did this "personality switch" come as a surprise and shock to you??
Yes- I was surprised at the type of advice she was giving. ESP lately!
But wasn’t really surprised at the personality change. She kind of always was a conniving person.
How is her image in-front of ppl now… now after this sub reddit ?
Most of us are shocked but then at the same time, we aren’t. She cut off contact with relatives quite a while ago. So many of them are just learning about it. Honestly, I don’t think she cares what others say about her. Even if she does, she will never admit it.
Sheena was her moms’ nickname ?
Nope. Not true. Never heard a soul call her that. Get a life, Mina.
Mina’s mom’s name does not sound like nor is similar to Sheena. Not the letters. Not the pronunciation.
Do you know her personally? If yes, please share more
Yes. Knew both. Mina and her Mom.
Ok, anything that Mina has shared on her channel that you know is untrue?
lol this will take a very long time to answer. Can you be more specific? She lies a lot so not sure how to go about answering your question. Sorry.
Like her life story of going from rape, sexual abuse to being a spoiled wife, happy kids, her income- i mean the thing for which women relate to her and then buy from her.
I can’t speak on the rape and SA but all I know is that it’s very unlikely that her parents would leave her with men off the streets as she claims. They were very loving people and helped their siblings, which is normal for immigrants. So I am shocked to hear any of that. I’m glad they didn’t live to see this day because they would be very hurt by this.
I don’t know what her standard of a spoiled wife is. She is very selfish. She gets what she wants so maybe she thinks that’s being spoiled. To me.. being spoiled is when others are lavishing you with things.
Her kids used to be very well taken care of before 2019-2020ish. It’s around that time when they those poor kids lost their mother to YouTube and coaching. Mina used to be a wonderful mother. She used to give them love and attention and then when she got all this attention online, she kind of let them be on their tablets and amongst themselves. So, to answer your question.. no. Her kids are not happy. They are living with a narcissist who always wins and gets their way.
I am not sure about her income because when someone lies to about several things, I don’t believe what they say.
CHILDHOOD
What was her childhood like, did she grow up in poverty, move home frequently, have parents that didn’t care for the children ( remember her saying her father threatened to kill himself and the children because he was mad with her mom - they had ropes around his/their neck I think ) ?
Growing up her parents were middle class immigrants who worked a lot. After reading your message, I asked about the story of being tied up and etc, but that has been denied by her siblings and they are appalled at Mina’s ability to make such terrible lies about her deceased parents. She’s officially bought her ticket to hell.
She behaves as if her parents made her do all house chores and shit.
Mina never did a single chore for them. They were even afraid to ask her to do something because of the manner in which she spoke with them.
Her mom and dad cooked for her when she was working. They looked after her son so she could work and have a life. Shame on her for lying about them.
And now selling her parent’s private life experience for money. Her parents were immigrants who were trying their best to survive through hardwork not like scammer Mina.
Yes. The dead can’t come defend themselves so she’s taking advantage of that.
HER 20’s IN CHICAGO
Did she really go to NWU ? what degree does she have ?
Yes. She went to Northwestern University. She told us that her bachelors degree is in philosophy.
Is this from first hand knowledge or is this from Mina?
I have first hand knowledge because I knew him before and during their marriage. I didn’t bother to keep up with his life after they divorced but I looked him up around 2019 and saw he had moved on quite a while ago.
Oh so u know the first husband? Can you spill more tea? Does everything mina say about him online true?
I don’t know him anymore because I didn’t keep in touch with him after their divorce.
I think Mina likes to play victim and exaggerate things. He was just as ridiculous as she currently is. He would do whatever to get what he wants. Sound familiar?
So why doesn’t he want a relationship with their son? Or is that another lie Mina tells.
I’m not sure about that. Like I said, I’m not in touch with him.
It takes a total of three years to get green card through marriage.
I know the process isn’t quick but her ex was in the picture until a few months after Armaan’s first birthday because we met him at his 1st birthday party. So, I do believe the green card story to be true.
Ohh so she divorced him after 2-3 years ? Because you have to stay married for 2 years if I am not wrong to qualify for greencard or maybe he found another woman later to sponsor his green card.
I am unsure of the green card process esp nearly 20 years ago but yes, they were married at least for at least 2 years. It was somewhere around 2006 where we stopped seeing him at gatherings.
Did she really have a real estate empire and owned multiple homes or did she just work as a real estate agent or neither?
She worked as a real estate agent. Her mom was the one with the empire and had multiple homes that she sold for investments. She was very successful. I recall going to her mom’s place and seeing all her awards.
Mina stopped working when she got married. This was a kind gesture from Irfan because he wanted her to relax. She didn’t have any money to contribute either.
Mina did not own a home to sell. I am not sure why she keeps saying that she had a house that she sold. She didn’t have a house or even a car to her name when she got married.
Did she ever own a luxury condo in Chicago? Or was that a lie as well?
She owned a condo. It wasn’t luxury lol. It was a normal condo worth around 120k-ish.
Her ex did not take advantage of this because she bought this after the divorce when she started working with her mom.
The lies are making me sick.
So she just gave all of her hard work away when her mother got sick? Where were her siblings, her father wasn’t working? She was the only one to sacrifice everything that she had, even though she had a young son that she needed to provide for?
Mina left right when it got bad with her mom’s health. She left her siblings and mom in a huge financial crisis and moved on with her new hubby. It angers me that she’s lying about all this when there are sooo many relatives who know exactly what she did when the going got tough.
What happened to all of Mina’s mom’s wealth after she died? Or did she really send it all back to Pakistan?
Mina’s mom fought cancer for 2 years before passing away. Her wealth was used during the time she didn’t work. She wasn’t as rich as one might think when they hear “empire” because she was an extremely giving person and gave a lot away whenever someone asked for help. I don’t think there was anyone she wouldn’t help.
And no.. her money wasn’t sent to Pakistan like Mina claims.
Her mom was not one to save money. She would spend it on others. Loved giving gifts and spending money on holidays and gifts. She also loved feeding people. She was an amazing person and her relatives still talk about her as if they just lost her.. although it’s been 14 years.
Did she really live with her parents when her mother was ill? She has made it seem like she was the caretaker of her mother.
No way. She should get struck by lightning for saying that.
She left right when her mom got sick. Maybe you guys don’t know this but Mina does not like elderly people nor sick people. She is not caretaker material. We didn’t see Mina back in Chicago her until her mom’s last few days and Mina left before the funeral, too. Wow. Just wow at Mina’s nerve!
Did I read correctly that Mona did not attend her own mother’s funeral??? That she left before the funeral???
That’s correct. Thankfully a lot of us were there to be there with her siblings. Some of her aunts and uncles tried to reach out to her to not to leave her younger siblings on their own during all this. But guess who could care less? lol.
Is it possible that Irfan is Mina's first scam victim? Or could her first "husband" (Armaan's father) be the true first victim? She bashes him all the time, but we don't truly know what happened between them?
Her first husband was just like her. Thats why it didn’t work out. He loved how he looked. He wanted to be center of attention. He wanted all the money in the world. Two people with these kinds of traits cannot live together. He was the textbook case of a narcissist… just like Mina. That’s why it didn’t work out.
By the way.. he moved on to marry someone he could control better. Just like Mina did.
A response to the post Her earlier (and maybe current?) teachings on selfishness
Mina was never a doormat. I don’t know where she got that idea from. She was always selfish.
The reason why her first marriage did not work was because Mina is used to being the manipulator in the relationship. When she married someone who was also a manipulator and probably a better one, she couldn’t be with him anymore. She needs someone who she can overpower and manipulate.
Interestingly she also mentioned that when her mom was passing. She was least bothered about Mina compared to other siblings because Mina was selfish and would take care of self.
This is absolutely true. She was least bothered by it. She also left the entire funeral care up to them and didn’t bother attending.
\New questions added**
How old was Mina when she got married the first time? (In other words, who was the first husband? Armaan's father ?)
The first husband was not Armaan’s father. That was the second one.
How long this marriage did last ? (the marriage with mysterious guy, not Armaan's father)
I don’t remember how long it lasted because the divorce was hidden from most extended family and friends.
Was it an arrange marriage ?
We were told it was arranged.
Did he need a green card ?
Not that I know of.
Why they divorced ?
Not sure of why they divorced since it wasn’t shared and people found out eventually.
How old was she when married the first time?
16.
Wow Bombshell ! Thank you ! We need even more clarification, cause it seems like Mina told her « first marriage story » based on her 2 former marriages
first marriage

• why her parents decided to marry her at such a young age ?

No idea. Everyone was asking the same question and supposedly he belonged to a good family and so they didn’t want to let the proposal go.

• was he muslim ? I know that she used to wear the hijab

Yes he was Muslim.

• what did he do for a living ?

I have no idea. We are talking about over 25 years ago. Sorry.

• was she happy with him ? (I don't think so)

Probably not since they divorced. Sorry.
Second marriage

• Was it an arranged marriage or did she married "the western way" ?

Not arranged.

• Did her parents push her to get remarried quick ?

No. They actually didn’t want her to get married so quick.

• Did her family vet the guy ?

No. She picked him

• Did he lied about his job, was he a taxi driver as she mentioned in a video?

No one that I know knows what he did for a living.
Did Mina actually finish her high school back then at 16 ? Any idea ?
No. She didn’t.
What was the general feel in the extended family when everyone heard they are getting her married so young ? The reason I ask this is , is it very common in her maternal and paternal family that girls get married that young ?
I don’t remember because I was too young to realize this. Sorry.
Did the extended family feel like Mina was forced into this marriage at 16 ? At least did she look like a happy bride / content bride ?
No. Not from what u can recall. She seemed content.
Was her first husband ( the one at 16 ) some cousin or some relative by any chance ?
No. Not a relative/cousin.
MARRIAGE WITH IRFAN
Did Mina actually do rotational dating while dating her husband??
From what I remember, they got married really quickly. She may have been talking to other people before that but she when she met Irfan and realized he had stability to offer, she married him. Poor guy.
You could have just asked if she was a psychopath or not. lol. I would have told you that she is without needing an analysis on rotational dating. But yes, she was talking to people from what I remember. She joined that matrimonial jazz when she needed an exit strategy because the going got tough with her mom being sick.
Years ago Irfans mother supposedly moved in with them and then Mina stopped talking about it and she didn’t live there anymore. Do you know what ever happened to the MIL by any chance?
They weren’t getting along so the MIL left. Not sure to where though. I don’t blame Mina for this one. It’s typical for things not to work out in joint family systems.
Do you know if Irfan’s family is onto her?
They were before she showed her true colors. Now they oft gossip and laugh behind her back because she acts crazy.
Do you know if Mina had Rheumatoid Arthritis like she claims, or was it just a lie and stepping stone to boost her channel numbers in the early days? The fact she doesn’t know how to pronounce it makes me doubt she ever had it.
She told everyone she did. No way for me to verify it.
Do you think Mina and Irfan have a happy marriage? Does he bow at her feet and is he as devoted to her as she claims?
Mina has a happy marriage. Irfan does not.
He used to be. Before she got into all this coaching stuff and became masculine. He doesn’t pack up and leave because he worked really hard to save and earn the money he has. He is the type of person that would put up with someone like Mina just so he doesn’t have to give her half of what he has.
I think he created his own monster and can’t escape.
Spoiled Wife ? Who pays the bills ?
Mina’s lifestyle is 💯% from her money. They used to live on a tight budget before she started making all this money. Mina had to save up and wait for anything over $200-$300 and she had to discuss each purchase with Irfan.
HER CHILDREN
I would like to know what her lifestyle and family life is really like?
I can’t say anything about her life since 2019 because I stopped associating with her for the safety of my kids. Her personality and influence was not something I wanted my daughter to be around so I cut her out of my life. I’m still in touch with her siblings but not her.
Is her oldest son in uni and traveling the world ?
Her son does not live with them. He lives in Houston though. Out of all of the kids, I feel bad for him the most because he was really smart and had a great chance of getting into college and becoming something. Mina did not want to put in the effort it takes to support your child through college because she was consumed in her coaching business. She literally ruined his life. I hope he someday goes back to school and is able to provide for himself without having to follow his mom’s footsteps.
Do her kids mix outside of the house, have friends or hobbies ?
Mina’s kids never really mingled outside of the home and didn’t have hobbies because Mina didn’t like dealing with other moms. I think Mina has issues with women because she sees that they are better than her. So I doubt this has changed.
She dint know what grade her daughter is in??? Is that true???
I believe that Mina forgot what grade her daughter was in. She really doesn’t care. You have to care to remember. Mina only sees and remembers herself.
This was a whole different story before YouTube became her life. Mina was such a great mom. She took care of her kids and was involved in their lives, schools, etc. I guess the money got to her head real bad. She’s going to regret it when these kids don’t want anything to do with her.
I wonder would irfan put up with that for the other two kids?
I guess by not doing anything to stop it.. seems like he is putting up with it.
Irfan always loved Armaan as his own. He gave him the type of love he needed. Such a shame that Mina makes it seem otherwise.
RELATIONSHIP WITH SIBLINGS, EXTENDED FAMILY & IN LAWS
And speaking of family, I can only the type of embarrassment her immediate and extended family must be experiencing. This is why either she has cut off the relationships with them (to not feel the sting of embarrassment from them) or they cut it off with her (so that they don't die of embarrassment for her actions).
The latter for sure. They cut her out when she kinda went bonkers in the earlier part of 2020.
How is she getting away with no accountability to anyone about how she talks total crap about them?
Because her parents are dead. Survivors (her siblings) have no legal claim on behalf of a deceased relative’s good name. So basically, can’t sue her for defamation/slander etc.
She talks about people other than her parents. She talks so poorly about her in laws. That is never acceptable in a South Asian family. How are there no repercussions for that?
Well, they should do something about that. They probably aren’t because of Irfan. No idea 🤷🏻‍♀️
A response to the post Starting a YT channel was NOT Mina's idea but her sister
Her sister and brother tried their level best to get Mina to NOT have a YouTube channel. They even gave ultimatums… thats why they aren’t in her life anymore. Guess it’s obvious what she picked!
Why did they not want her to have a YouTube channel?
Because she was always the type to let things get to her head. She didn’t do well with praise and was easily influenced by people. Not a good mix for YT followers.
OTHER QUESTIONS
Do you know if she practices magic/is deeply into the occult?
I’m not sure since this is something recent as it seems. I keep myself and my family away from her. I don’t trust her around my kids since she shifted personalities in 2019ish.
Do you know if she was raised around people who believe and practice witchcraft? And if any of her family , cousins , friends etc are the type to pathologically lie and manipulate? I just don’t understand how people can grow up to be and do things like this
lol umm so basically are you asking me if I am or my family practices witchcraft? 😂 jk jk. I get you.
And no. Most of Mina’s dad said of the family are religious families that pray and work hard to support their families. They live humble lifestyles. No witch 🧙 action.
Her mom’s side of the family is mostly in Pakistan. Like most Pakistani people, they are afraid of black magic. I never heard of any instance involving them doing this sort of thing. Maybe Mina is pioneering this one for the fam.
A response to the post The Pakistani Jewelry Store story
How strange because Mina hasn't been to Pakistan in over 2 decades. When did she say this happened? The beginning of it is cut off so I am wondering when she is claiming that this happened. As someone who goes to Pakistan every year (same city as Mina would have went) and also as someone who buys jewelry from there often, I have never heard of this jeweler nor anyone ever talk about this except this video, lol.
A response to the post Mina irfan using terms from the Islamic and Jewish faiths to make a sale
This is hilarious because most of Mina’s life was spent not believing in God and she used to get annoyed if the idea altogether. 🙄
She’s probably reading notes that her husband wrote for her 🤣
He didn’t believe much either. They were on the same page with religion. Thought it was irrelevant.

I can not even believe at 50+ I have to deal with these things.
I’ll try to explain as best I can without being too long. When I was born, my mother and father had already split, she was 24, he was 19. She already had two kids by the time they met (sisters are 1.5/3 years older than myself). When I was born, my father left my mother (she lied to him and said she was pregnant and I wasn’t born until 11 months after they got married). At 9 months old, my mother literally left me on my aunt and uncle’s doorstep. My oldest sister was sent to her dad, my middle sister ended up in foster care(no one knows who her actually father is). None of us met again until I was 16. Both of my sisters were contacted at various points (one when she turned 18, the other when she graduated HS). I turned 18 and graduated I didn’t hear a peep. So I asked my dad to see if he could find her, so I could put a face with her name. Turns out, she lived roughly a half mile from me. I met her in a public place with my dad, spent maybe a half an hour together. Over the next couple of years she sent me a couple of letters which I chose to ignore ( I was a very angry young man, and honestly wanted to hurt her like she hurt me). As I aged, I began to feel bad for the way I treated her after meeting. So as my fiancé and I were planning our wedding, I emailed my mother to let her know, just trying to move past everything. The message I got blew my mind, she had moved across the country at that point. She emailed me back saying congratulations, hey can you do me a favor. Can you ask your dad for a divorce for me, I met a wonderful man and I want to marry him and help him raise his boys. I lost it, I responded in a very snarky and sarcastic way. Basically asking her how she could want to raise someone else’s kids when she couldn’t raise her own (again, not the best way to handle it, but I was pissed at her audacity) . That was the last I heard from her for 10 years, until one day I opened up Facebook and there was a request from her, stupidly I accepted it. The only interaction with her was game requests.
Kind of put her out of my mind until a couple of years ago, my father asked if I could contact her, since now he wanted a divorce. Took a few months but I finally got her his number. They talked, about two weeks later as my grandmother (dad’s mom) is dying, my father texts me to tell me he and her are getting back together (WTF). I told him it’s his life, I think he’s making a mistake but I won’t do anything to try to stop him (to be 100% honest, I didn’t really believe any of this would come to fruition). So they do actually get back together she moves back across the country to move in with my father. My mother then starts to message me daily, apologizing and asking for forgiveness. So as we are chatting, I’m asking her questions and every answer is an excuse and her trying to shift blame to everyone else. So at that point I checked out, she hasn’t changed st all, nothing is her fault. So last Christmas, I sent my dad a Christmas card, when he received it all he had to say was thank you, but you could have included your mother in the card. I tried as tactfully as I could to tell him, just because he can forgive her and move on, I was under no obligation to do so.
Fast forward a month or two, my mother starts sending me all kinds of memes and posts on Facebook about parents and fixing things before it’s too late, then she started with religious things, I politely asked her not to send me religious stuff as I am not a believer. She continued to send me those things, so I unfriended her. Not even 24 hours later my dad sends me a text message saying I was an asshole for unfriending her and i can just delete him now too because he is sick of my shit. I told him I wouldn’t unfriend him, but he was free to unfriend me. Now I am dreading what is going to happen, as his B-day is the day before Mother’s Day, I sent him a card, but have zero plans to do anything for her for Mother’s Day.
I have a sinking feeling we will soon be no contact with either of them. I refuse to let her in my life if she can not/will not accept responsibility for her own actions.

I: The Admiration
Cassandra Adair was born on December 12, 1989, who had astonishing and adoring parents, and a sister. Marion Adair and Marcus Adair, as her parents, and her little sister, Emily Adair. Their parents had careers which can only be achieved on rare occasions, “POETS”. She always dreamed of being a famous writer and poet, so she can inherit the family career. When she turned 7 years old, she started writing with a glass quill and paper, writing poems that are unique and interesting. When she turned 13, she started doing poem readings in her school auditorium. People discovered her talent and adored her, like what she always dreamt.
TIMELINE: 2006
When she turned 17, the opportunity of a lifetime came to her. A famous poet came up to her and offered her to join a writing competition, where she would write poems.Of course, she accepted the offer. The poet told her that the competition was in a week. Throughout the 6 days, she practiced and practiced her skills in writing, as she was determined to complete step number 1 of achieving her career, WIN A WRITING COMPETITION. Then the day of the competition came. She was scared because she might make mistakes.
“Good morning everyone, welcome to Lyricism, the contest for soon-to-be poets. The rules are simple, each poet has 5 minutes to complete one stanza. If you hear a bell ring, they have no choice but to write the next stanza. BUT, if the poet still has time and finished the poem, they can go back to the stanza they haven’t finished and complete it. Lastly, there should be NO corrections at all. Please settle down everyone. Poets, are you ready? Go!”
The poets started scribbling. Cassandra on the other hand was nervously writing. She was at the second stanza, but unfortunately the bell rang, knowinkg she had no choice but to move on to the next stanza. Half an hour passed by, and luckily, she still had time to finish the second stanza. And the bell rang, just in time she finished it.
“Congratulations everybody! You may take a break while our tabulator can calculate the scores. Thanks for your patience!”
There she was, trembling with fear that she might not get ranked. Until she saw a handsome boy in the distance. His name was Blake Solace. She was staring at him really hard, her mind on the other hand was blank. Her feelings was like the New Years, full of fireworks.
“Hello, my name is Blake Solace. Nice to meet you.”
She came back to her senses after that.
“Oh huh? Oh hello. I’m me. Oh uh. I’m C-C-Cassandra.”
“Oh it’s alright, I don’t bite.”
He laughed. She knew, from the bottom of her heart, she had a big crush on him.
“Oh.”
“Uhm, Cassandra?”
“Huh? Oh. Hello! I’m Cassandra”
Then, Blake stepped away slowly, until he was out of sight.
”Oh my God Cassandra! What’s wrong with you?!” She thought to herself.
“Welcome back everyone! We have tabulated and ranked the scores. Congratulations…..”
Cassandra was waiting nervously for the MC to announce the winner.
“Congratuations, Cassandra Adair!!!!”
Cassandra jumped happily and excitedly and called her mom from the other row.
“MOM! I WON!”
“I know honey! I’m so proud of you!”
“Where’s dad?”
“She went to work honey.”
“So, his work is more important than me?”
“I’m sorry honey. It’s okay.”
“I’m alright mom. It’s just that my own dad never attended to any of my activities in school, or anywhere.”
“He will make it up to you. He loves you very much.”
Then, the famous poet that offered her the contest came up to her again.
“Good day to you both. Congratulations, Cassandra. I just want to remind you that you got qualified to a regional poem contest. I also wanna add that if you win all of the 2 contests, you will get a contract to be an official poet. You will travel all around the world, reciting and sharing own your poems!”
“Thank you kind sir! We accept it.”
“Ehem”
“I mean Cassandra accepts it.”
“Good! Wish you the best of luck Cassandra. I know you will make it. Also I’m Malcolm Solace. Call me Malcolm, have a good day and good luck! The contest is in a month.”
“Solace?” she whispered.
**FLASHBACK**
“Hello, my name is Blake Solace. Nice to meet you.”
Oh huh? Oh hello. I’m me. Oh uh. I’m C-C-Cassandra.”
“Oh it’s alright, I don’t bite.”
“Oh.”
“Uhm, Cassandra?”
“Huh? Oh. Hello! I’m Cassandra”
**PRESENT**
“Could it be a coincidence? Hm, maybe I’m just thinking things.”
The next day, Cassandra’s mom called her.
“Honey, someone’s at the door”
As Cassandra came downstairs, she expected the boy to be at the door. She opened the door, but to her surprise, the mailman was at the door.
“Good morning miss. An anonymous person gave you a letter.”
“Anonymous?”
The mailman gave her the letter.
“Thank you.”
She opened the letter.
“Dear Cassandra,
I’ve admired you from afar and have been wanting to ask if you’d like to go out sometime. Coffee, perhaps? No pressure, just thought it would be nice to get to know each other better. Please know that regardless of your response, I deeply respect you and value our friendship. If you’re not comfortable with the idea, I completely understand, and I hope we can still maintain our connection.
Meet me at, Lincoln Street 145 376, Block 7 at 8 PM.
Here’s my number (9867-123-435)
Sincerely, Someone :)”
She was curious on who the person was, so she called the number.
“Hello? Who are you?”
“Remember me, Blake?”
She felt her heart flutter..
“Is this the time I find my true love?” She thought to herself.
“Oh, hey Blake! Sorry about that last time. I probably made you uncomfortable.”
“It’s alright, a lot of people I know that met me for the first time, acted like that, even boys”
They laughed. Their call lasted for about an hour.
“Alright, thanks for this lovely conversation, Cassandra.”
“My pleasure, Blake. See you later.”
Then their call ended. Cassandra jumped excitedly. She told her parents about it and they were ecstatic.
A few hours later, 7:30 PM, she went to the place where Blake told her to go.
When she got there, she found herself looking at a beautiful table with food and fancy lights. Then, a black car pulled up in the driveway.
PART 2 NEXT WEEK!
TITLE:
II: You’re Special To Me, But I Need to Keep It Under Wraps.

Preface: "Don't you ever dare to think you can escape me, Dalia. You're mine to love, mine to hate, mine to protect, and mine to destroy. You belong to me, you've always been." His words were nothing but a mere whisper as the man who clutched onto me once again savored my lips as if he'd been famished his whole life for this very moment. His tongue danced with mine in a game neither of us understood. Were they fighting for love or fueled by hate?
One of his hands secured me in my position, as if he was scared I'd escape. And his other hand took its sweet time caressing and teasing my skin as it traveled to its destination. His lips never left mine, even as my lungs burned for air and I wriggled my body to make him stop. But he didn't. It was as if he was intent on making it my last kiss, and is determined to make it worth it. The moment he found my burning core, he cupped it, squeezing it until I withered in pain.
I bit onto my bottom lip, sinking my teeth so deep that drops of blood dripped from it as I tried to hold in the loud, throaty moan daring to escape. There was just a thin wall keeping us apart from the horde of media who were standing outside eagerly waiting to get their hands on something that would tear us to shreds. If there's something better than a scandal, it's a celebrity scandal. And an affair of a newbie actress with Hollywood's heartthrob is definitely news worth telling. It could ruin his career and my life, yet it didn't matter to him. All he wanted in this moment was to claim the woman he's loved all his life and who destroyed his love within a minute.
"Do you know, Dalia, what you mean to me? I love you so damn much that I could write your name all over my life. Yet I hate you just as much that I'd burn down everything I am to wipe you from existence," he breathed against my lips, finally allowing me to breathe. I took a lungful of air, only to have my breath catch in my throat as his fingers ruthlessly slid into my folds.
"Altair, stop! It... it hurts," I barely managed to speak the words when another of his fingers slid into my burning core, stretching me to a point I'd never experienced before.
But my pleas had no effect on him; his three fingers continued to torture me, sliding to the depths of my womanhood and then pulling back, only to fill me to the brim once again. The sensation of his fingers sliding against the sensitive walls of my core set my skin ablaze, yet I couldn't get enough. I've always hated when a man touched me, but why does my body betray me when it comes to him?
What makes him so special? Is it the love he once had for me? Or is it the fact that he's become my only salvation in this godforsaken world? But does it even matter? It's a tale of love, hate, and revenge. Whether love wins or hate does, it doesn't matter, because all I want is my revenge.
Episode 1: If I were to tell the joke that's stood the test of centuries, it'd be the one and only...
Love!!!
Yeah, I'm talking about those jittery butterflies in your belly doing the cha-cha like it's spring break in there, eyes locked on their face like they're the last chocolate chip cookie in the jar, heart pounding like it's trying to escape your chest, and you doing all sorts of wacky things – like ditching that sweet gig in Paris and hauling ass through the airport like your butt's on fire just to win them back. Let me tell you, all these feelings are nothing but a big ol' scam, like pyramid scheme-level scam.
Now, before you happily-ever-after believers start throwing fairy dust at me, hear me out. I might sound like the president of the anti-love club right now, but sweetie, I've been dealing with cheaters practically every damn day for the past 90 days.
When my friend Maeve and I, both broke as jokes, launched 'Siren's Call,' our very own loyalty-testing agency a year ago, we never imagined we'd be drowning in cases. And, now it's my bread and butter, catching those sneaky snakes red-handed, gathering evidence so their poor suspecting partners cash in on a jackpot of karma during divorce settlement.
And, at the moment, I find myself in the company of my client number 47, Julia's husband David, who seems to have mistaken my waist for a decorative armrest. Ah, the joys of being treated like furniture. This man didn't bother to ask for my consent. Ughh, I hate it... I absolutely loathe it when they touch me. And my body isn't holding back from showing him just how much it detests his touch.
Sweat drips down my forehead, my hands tremble with nerves, my knees feel like jelly and I fear I might collapse any second, and my stupid heart twists painfully in my chest. 1... 2... 3... I silently count, reminding myself of the hundred damn reasons why I have to put up with this. But it's not doing much to help. I feel bile rise in my throat, and I have this overwhelming urge to hurl all over this guy. Gross, I know, but so are his words.
"I figured a classy dame like you would have good taste," he slurred, leaning in closer like he thought he was being suave. But all I wanted to do was smack him upside the head.
"Well, my taste buds are alright, but when it comes to men, they've got a history of bad choices" I gritted my teeth, struggling to keep my cool.
"Let me guess, your heart's been shattered, huh? Man, who in their right mind would break the heart of someone as stunning as you? I swear on my mom's lasagna, if you were into me, I'd get my eyes laminated. So that, I wouldn't even think about checking out anyone else but you," He licked his lips, his gaze descending to my breasts, as if he's suddenly forgotten the art of subtlety.
"Aww, you're so loyal, just like my neighbor's dog, Jimmy," I cooed, feeling sick as his hands started wandering. 'It's all for Maeve's sake.' I chanted in my head again and again, praying, hoping my fear just doesn't win.
"Bet Jimmy's a real cutie, just like me," he tilted his head, poking his fingers in his chubby cheeks, trying to look adorable. "Kill him, his wife will thank you later," And now my inner voice was beyond over this guy.
"Mhmm, you two could practically pass for twins. He barks too much, just like you" I quipped, unable to hold back any longer as my patience wore thin.
Alright, maybe that's not the textbook way to flirt, and more likely make any boy run away. But, I'm telling you, I'm a freaking expert at flirting game. Check out my track record – I've charmed 46 men out there. But for some reason, this dude's really getting under my skin.
"Hahaha, a babe with a sense of humor, deadly combo, I swear." And ladies and gentlemen, we have a contender here who clearly left his self-respect at home, all in the hopes of scoring tonight – either that or it never made it into his wardrobe to begin with!
"You know, I've got some tricks up my sleeve too. How about we bounce to my place, and I'll show you what I've got? I bet you'll be impressed..." His spiel got cut off by his wife's ear-splitting voice, which unfortunately blasts painfully loud through my cheap Bluetooth earpiece lodged in my other ear.
"Ha, is this guy seriously trying to flex his skills? What skills does he even have, airing out the same dirty skivvies for a month? This freeloader's been mooching off me for a decade, and now he's out there two-timing me. You know what, Dalia? Just break it..."
"Break what? His eggs?" My bestie Maeve chimed in. This girl just loves violence I swear.
"Eggs... his noggin, break whatever needs breaking. Personally, I vote we send him packing. We'll stash this motherfucker in the backyard cemetery; nobody will bat an eye if one more schmuck vanishes." Mrs. 47's fury practically singed my ears.
"Yeah, but if the cops catch wind, we're toast, right, girl? We're only on the hunt for proof of your heartbreak, not to bust your hubby's skull." Maeve and Mrs. 47 are both lurking outside, tasked with keeping an eye on us, but it seems they missed the memo on stealth.
"Excuse me? What did you think? My place..."The man raised his voice, clearly annoyed by the fact that I've just ignored his proposal. And at this point, to be honest, I just want to get it over with.
"Sure, let's roll." I could still hear Maeve and Mrs. 47 squabbling, but I'm too wiped to care. So I tagged along quietly, praying I get the dirt I need ASAP, so I could crawl back into bed with a wad of cash and maybe hopefully with the last remaining threads of sanity
*****************************
The car ride with this idiot has been nothing but pure torture. He's been trying to grope my legs, hands, waist, hairs – heck, he even made a play for my toes – don't ask me how, trust me, you don't want the gory details.
I swear, I was so close to jumping out of the window – not because of his pervy touching habits, but because of his awful flirting skills. Someone needs to sit this guy down and give him the lowdown: to pull off a "baby girl," you've gotta be either Massimo-level hot daddy or Christian Grey-grade charmer, and sadly, he's rocking neither the Italian stallion vibe nor the billionaire allure. He's more like the guy who brings store-bought cookies to a bake-off – well-meaning, but totally missing the mark. But the good thing is, we've finally made it to his lavish two-story house.
And when I say lavish I so damn mean it, this blue white building is a perfect blend of modern chic and classic. The front yard is so vast, you might need a GPS just to navigate your way to the front door. The façade screams "I've made it" with its grandiose columns and a front porch spacious enough to host a block party. And this... meticulously manicured lawn – damn it's so green! is this even possible? I'm sure as hell it's Photoshopped.
But all those good vibes flew out of my brain the moment we neared the front door and it freaking swung open in our faces... by itself, and there was pitch darkness in the house.
Mrs. 47, aka Julia, made sure that none of the staff was at home when we came here. She's with Maeve a few blocks away, waiting for us to go inside, so how the heck did the door just magically open? Mr. Clueless over here must be as lost as me, by the way he's standing there staring into the abyss.
I had a bad feeling about this dude, an even worse feeling about this house, and the absolute worst feeling about this whole damn night.
"No one... should be home at this hour. So why the heck is this door...?" He gulped nervously. So, now he's sweating bullets about getting busted?
"You sure this place isn't haunted?" My serious tone freaked even myself out.
"N-No... I mean, the only ghost I've seen in this house is my wif... wi... widow sister." His words came out slower than a whisper, as he took a few steps back.
"Why don't we go inside and check? I'm sure your widowed sister won't mind me crashing your crib." With a flick of my finger, I motioned for him to follow as I strutted confidently inside. I've seen this kinda stuff go down in horror flicks a million times. It's very first warning from the demons hiding out in the house. And even though I'm pretty sure I'm way smarter than those clueless teens who bite the dust first in horror movies, because they gotta know what the ghost looks like, when it comes to curiosity, I'm just as dumb as 'em.
☠️⚠️Warning: First things first, do not, I repeat, do not enter a strange house with an unknown strange man, kiddo. He could turn you into tomorrow's newspaper headline. Secondly, when you see a door open by itself, pray to God, Buddha, almighty, and burn that darn house down before the ghost catches up to you.☠️⚠️
Back to the story... the house was painfully silent; the only sounds were the 'tick-tock' of some ancient million-dollar antique grandpa clock and the 'clip-clop' of my borrowed, worn-out dollar store heels. Not a soul, ghost, or even a hint of a breeze in sight... until the silence was shattered by a loud, over-the-top laugh. Whoever's trying to be a monster needs acting lessons ASAP.
"Who- Who are you?" Mr. 47, shaking like a leaf beside me, yelled out with whatever ounce of bravery he had left.
"Me? You're asking who I am? I'm your sweet-sweet death, loser. Hahahaha!" That darn fake laugh again. Whoever they are, they really need to stop now.
"I'm your sweet-sweet death, loser! Hahahaha!" The mystery voice cackled again. I swear, they either forgot their lines or missed the memo about subtlet. Their silhouette is now slightly visible in the darkness; they're standing on the head stairs, descending one step with each passing minute. And guess what they did next? Yep, you guessed it right: that man screamed 'I'm your sweet-sweet death' one freaking time again.
"Alright, Mister Mystery, zip it. If you belt out those cringe-worthy lines one more time, I'm gonna hit you where it hurts – real bad." I shot him a warning glance, trying to keep my cool. And surprisingly, he actually listened.
He didn't repeat those god-awful words, but this time, he screamed at the top of his lungs "You worthless, good-for-nothing Jojo! I trusted you with one simple task and you botched it up royally. Congratulations, asshole, you've single-handedly sabotaged my grand entrance. Didn't I specifically instructed you to flick the switch the moment I dropped my killer line, didn't I?"
And just like that, the lights flooded the house. For a second, I was blinded; it was so darn bright. But once my eyes adjusted, I wish I hadn't seen what was in front of me. In all my 27 years, I've never been scared, but in that moment, I screamed like a banshee.
"Holy shit! whoever's on the clock right now – God, Buddha, or even the intern – I'm officially calling in that favor. Save me!"

What’s up guys. So like a lot of y’all I’ve had Loss of Life on repeat since it came out. One thing is for sure: it’s an album about maturing and adulthood. But every time I listen I hear more and more evidence that the album has a cohesive narrative, telling the story of a life and representing an endless cycle of birth and rebirth. So I’ve just been jotting down notes, it’s kind of a lot so feel free to skip around.
The basic idea is each song represents one stage/significant event in the protagonist’s life, starting with birth (Mother Nature) and ending with death (Loss of Life). We’ll get to Loss of Life Pt. 2 later.
Even if it’s a little abstract, I think there’s a clear linear narrative carried over between songs anchored by a shifting attitude towards the world. The album starts with youthful optimism, transitions to the pessimism of young adulthood, then ends with the gained wisdom of true maturity.
Let me break down each song, what they represent, and my reasoning:

• Mother Nature - Birth/Childhood
  • Obvious points: the first person you see when you’re born is, of course, your mother and birth is probably the most “natural” part of life, only tied with death
  • There’s a suburbia motif running throughout
    • “I put the groceries down on the front lawn/And think maybe the children just want recognition”
    • “Come take a walk with me down billionaire's row”
  • Fairytale/dream motif
    • “To open castle gates and let me go inside” etc
    • Fairytales evoke the vibe of a bedtime story while also representing the idea that being a child is sort of like being in a dream. And dreams have to end, that’s a recurring theme of the album: “Before the fantasy is cast into the fire”
  • The music video with the animated characters is reminiscent of saturday morning cartoons
• Dancing in Babylon - Teenage Years/Young Love
  • This might be subjective, but the 80s powerpop vibes give it a sort of youthful energy
  • Less subjective: it is at the very least definitely about love
  • It’s also about vice, as Babylon symbolizes evil in Christianity
  • Overall it evokes a vibe of youthful rebellion, being young and in love
• People in the Streets - Young Adult/Growing Self-Aware
  • This song is about self-reflection and discovering your place in the world. In the last song, the “real heads” were “out on the street… trying to keep it low,” and there wasn’t much regard given to them. Now, our narrator is reflecting on his relation to those people
    • “when you're living the dream/And your ears are bad/The people in the streets aren't part of the fun”
    • He’s “starting to doubt where [he] once stood”
  • Whether the people in the streets are struggling financially (“going over receipts with a magnifier”) or they’re protestors fighting for a better world (the chants at the end), our narrator feels he’s separate from them
    • Overall this song has a lot of anxiety about the current state of the world: “someone complained that the fire was out/So they shut off the rain and let the flames return”
  • He’s not even sure if he can trust his own intuitions: “The inside's still glowing/Telling the heart what it wants to heaBut what if it's only lies/Twisted apart by fear?”
• Bubblegum Dog - Adulthood/Anxiety
  • I’ve always thought this song was about anxiety. The “bubblegum dog” sounds like a fantasy creature, much like how a lot of anxieties are just made up in your head. But running from them makes them very real.
    • Reminiscent of the fairytale theme from Mother Nature, indicating even if he’s older he still hasn’t fully matured/ woken up from the dream
  • His unrest carries over from People in the Streets, specifically his anxiety about the state of the world
    • “I saw tenement homes built upon a fault line”
    • He hates this earthly world, he hates this bubblegum world
  • In the end he gives into his anxiety: he’ll “hide until it’s gone”
    • He’s embracing the bubblegum dog lifestyle: he’ll “tinkle on the lawn”
• Nothing to Declare - Depression/Divorce?
  • He’s depressed, man. He’s got nothing to declare, nothing to say about the world anymore, he’s given up. He’s let himself be consumed by his anxiety and he’s still living in a dream rather then in reality
    • The world is his “Spanish castle in the sky,” a French phrase for something impossible or unachievable
    • A dream might seem like a good vibe, but even though he sees the world as his “Fine de Claire” (oyster), he “can tell the pearl’s there/and still there’s nothing [he] can find”
  • “Until I wake up like a baby in the womb”
    • Reincarnation, another recurring theme
  • I include the possibility of this song being about divorce or breaking up with a lover because there’s a lot of lyrical evidence for it. It doesn’t fit as neatly in the narrative since he’s gonna have a kid in two songs, but he could remarry. Perhaps he’s still dating/married the girl from Dancing in Babylon? But overall I also think it shows how this character is disconnected from the world and it’s causing him to lose people around him
    • Think about it: he’s a drunkard who stumbles home to a person with bags under their eyes. He’s got nothing to say to them. They’ve got documents and something to decide. If they let him go, he’ll fall far and wonder who they’ve become.
• Nothing Changes - Breaking Free/Maturity
  • This song starts low but ends high, musically and lyrically. The title has a bit of a double meaning: the idea that nothing changes can sound both depressing and hopeful.
    • At first he still sounds depressed: he “wishes all the stars could save” him.
    • But the final lines are triumphant: thrust the dagger into the night and throw aside your Sisypheun boulder! Living may just be flailing but it’s a valiant struggle!
  • He’s broken free of the dream of childhood and the illusions of his adult anxieties and has learned to take life as it is. Nothing changes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • Reincarnation theme: nothing changes, and the gods know it
• Phradie’s Song - Parenthood
  • Andrew’s Daughter is named Phradie and he said in an interview it is a song for her
  • Lullaby vibes
  • “Did I dream before?/It felt like I couldn’t love anymore”
    • There’s that recurring motif of dreams/dreams ending
    • The dream of youth is over, and in this dream he deluded himself that he could never love again, but now having a kid has completely changed that perspective
  • “And I will sing for you/Every night if you want me to”
    • He’s found contentment in singing to his child every night
• I Wish I Was Joking - Getting Old
  • Paying six dollars for a coffee, municipal parking, and taking the kids to Disney on Ice: all the “joys” of getting old
  • Reflecting on youth
    • “Here’s the thing about drugs…” perhaps remembering his days of vice dancing in Babylon
    • Now he’s “kinda into being home”
  • “Nobody calls me the gangster of love”
    • Referencing the classic Steve Miller song to get at the idea he isn’t as hip as he once was
• Loss of Life - Death?
  • Nothing prepares you for loss of life, simple as.
  • BUT: “it’s neither created or destroyed.” Now that he's accepted nothing changes, he's at peace with dying. He knows the end of one life is just the start of another. It hits both the reincarnation theme and the maturity theme
  • It parallels how when the dream of his youth ended, the life of his child started. I saw someone say they interpreted this song as losing the life you had before you had a child, which you might call a ‘good’ loss of life. I think that's a totally valid reading, and if you read it that way you could interpret LoL pt 2 and the rest of the album as representing the life of the narrator's child. Still an endless cycle of birth and rebirth.
• Loss of Life (pt 2) - Reincarnation/Womb/Baby?
  • Lot of ways you could interpret this one, which is why I left it for the end. You could do a whole deep dive on the poem, but a surface level read is just the existential poem with the ambient, spacey music makes it sound like you’re one with the cosmos, waiting to be reborn.
  • I also think the recurring melody sounds like something you’d hear from a child’s mobile. So there’s this sort of baby vibe with distant adult voices speaking in poems you can’t understand, or if you want to go really crazy, it’s a sort of in-the-womb ambience. Is that going too crazy?
  • All-in-all I just think going from this to Mother Nature gives an “entering into the world” type of vibe

Now, before I close I’d like to throw out there that there are a lot of cracks in this interpretation. It’s a pretty literal reading, there are recurring themes I’ve skipped over, and some points rely on flimsy evidence. But the purpose of this post is not to say it’s the only possible reading or that the album is some sort of puzzle MGMT wanted us to solve, rather it’s a vibe that I keep picking up on that I think may constitute just a small part of what the guys were cookin’ up in the studio. And it’s also just an excuse to keep listening to the album.
So yeah I’d love to know what you guys think. Are you picking up the same vibe I am or do you think I’m totally off base?

When I was ten, I formed a junior detective squad.
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen with cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time.
According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap.
I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe.
Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.”
He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground.
Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder.
Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
Standing with her arms at her sides, Violet's hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben murmured, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes sparkled, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her gaze found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house.
I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone.
Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around his tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
Do YOU need our help? We can find/solve anything! Contact us on the number below. (We take donations!)
When I bothered turning around, Jules was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my glass of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes.
“No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom yelled down the phone.
“Coming home now.” I muttered.
“Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my squeak. “Mommy, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood.
It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt.
“Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day.
Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
"Yeah?"
Whatever he was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
“I don't even wear glasses!”

I (15F) live with my parents and a younger brother (13M). For context, I have my first GCSE exam on Friday, it becomes relevant later on. I apologise for how unorganised this is, my head is all over the place at the moment.
My father is lazy, does objectively nothing to help around the house and essentially gets paid to sit on his arse all day. My mother works with disabled children and believes she's a saint for doing so. My brother is incredibly annoying, speaks fluent skibidi toilet brain rot and usually ignores my existence. Recently my mother has hit breaking point with my father's laziness and things have only gotten worse. From the age of 11, we've been expected to clean the kitchen daily - no big deal, every kid has chores.
Where I began to get annoyed was by the fact that every single day it's been me and me alone doing the job. My brother stands to the side and lets me clean everything. Before now I've tried simply doing the half he insists on me doing and then leaving (which is of course the bigger jobs that take longer to do) however, I've continuously watched him slap the crumbs off the counter with a towel and then just leave. This ends in me being yelled at because the job hasn't been done to the standard to which they expect it to be done, and when I complain that when it is done properly it's only me doing it, I get yelled at for that too - usually something like "grow up" or "when I was your age...".
To make things worse, my mother's justification that she did the same things at my age is entirely false. I have a very good relationship with my grandparents and they have time and time again told me she's lying - as has her sister who she also insists did the same jobs. According to them, her only job was to keep her room clean - she didn't even do that efficiently. This has been going on for years, but as I said, recently it's gotten much worse. In essence, my mom hates mess, but won't take any action against it. Instead, despite the fact she boasts about the fact her new job means less workload, she instead spends the time she could be using on tidying the house she hates so much on watching Harry Potter and leaving it to me.
To reduce her workload, she decided me and my brother need to do our washing, which I found fair enough until I realised I was still expected to fold the mountains of clothing she generates, which again, because my brother is so lazy and uses weaponised incompetence to an extent I never thought possible, is again entirely left to me. No matter how much I complain about just how much of the work is left to me, nothing ever changes. I was told she would take over my jobs so I could revise during exam season - this hasn't happened and I am still spending more time trying to appease my mother's stupid expectations than revising for the biology paper I sit on Friday - a subject I'm continuing at A Level.
Despite the personal choice to have not just one, but two children, she has decided I also have to fund my living on £10 a week. This includes but is not limited to shower gel, feminine hygiene, deodorant, clothes etc. This money, despite the ongoing cost of living crisis, is also supposed to fund trips with friends. This puts me in constant debt to my grandparents or friends, to the point where I've had to stop going out entirely to be able to fund my lifestyle - I don't buy expensive stuff, I simply take my hygiene very seriously, and my paranoia of being dirty or smelling bad is beginning to cost me a hell of a lot more than I believed it would.
My mom never used to be this insufferable and I fully believe it's down to her unhappy marriage. Time and time again I have begged my dad to do something to help out, but he simply believes that because he does the garden once a year he is excused from all housework - even wiping the sideboards after making breakfast, which probably takes around about 2 minutes. He's very big on meat and the keto diet which produces a lot of fat left on pans and spit around the kitchen. I'm autistic with pretty bad sensory problems and I HATE the texture of fat and having to clean it off of things, of course, this is left to me to fix again. I've asked him so often to just wipe out his plates and pans before putting them in the sink to be washed, and not once has he ever done as I have asked. This is the same man who'd yell at me in year 2 (6-7 years old) because I was too young to realise I had to scrape my food into the bin when I was done eating and I hadn't been doing so. In addition to not cleaning fat off of plates and pans, I have quite a few times cut myself on broken glass in the sink while attempting to unblock it, which no one has ever alerted me to it being there.
My mom seems unhappy in the marriage. She's googled divorce and how much it costs (£600) and complained about my dad's inherent laziness to my grandparents, her friends and my girlfriend's mother. I genuinely cannot fathom why she won't just leave him. The extent to which it impacts her mood is concerningly huge, and I'm so tired of having it taken out on me when I feel I've done nothing to deserve it.
While the responsibilities thrown upon me are a large part of my unhappiness, that's not all. Academically, I've always been ambitious, but it doesn't come naturally. Despite the work I put in, the all-nighters, easter school and tutoring have never been enough to give me a grade 9 (A++/A**). In my best subjects, I am capped at a 7 (A), and in my worst, I'm capped at 5s (Cs). While I understand that these arent bad grades and that many would be pleased by it, I have very high expectations for myself and I am never satisfied regardless of how much work I put in. Rather than helping despite the fact this has over time demotivated me to the point of depression and contemplation of ending my life as I never feel good enough, I've been met with "that's life"s and "get over it"s. Furthermore, they take great interest in my brother's life, asking how he's doing with a girl he mentioned he was into, but despite the fact they are aware of my girlfriend and that I have one, they have NEVER asked me how my life is or what my relationships are like. I get the idea that they don't care, and while I don't think it is, I think it could have something to do with my orientation (me and my girlfriend are of course in a lesbian relationship). I think this because when I have dated the opposite sex, they DO ask me about my relationships and are desperate to meet the boyfriend in question.
I don't feel I'm a bad daughter. I don't stay out late, I get academic awards (intermediate maths challenge, certificate of general academic excellence, personal postcards from teachers congratulating my work ethic etc.) and grades most parents would be delighted to hear their children are getting. I've never been a problem child, I've been caught doing something I shouldn't a total of once, I don't drink much, I've never done drugs, I'm still a virgin and am not at any risk of teen pregnancy, I do my absolute best, if not even more, and somehow despite this, I am still never enough. If anything they find small things to berate me over, such as slut shaming me for being on and off with the same two boys over a period couple of months - again, I am still a virgin, unlike MANY girls my age to the point where I am the only girl who hasn't done that at all in my whole friend group. Overall, the fact that no matter what I do is never enough for them has made me start to hate them, but they always apologise with money. My dad bought me a new bass guitar for yelling at me once, but never once has he ever said the word sorry to me, and honestly I would rather just them admit to having done something wrong or validate my feelings that I don't deserve what they give me. I know it's not huge, and I know so many people have it worse. They've never hit me and that's why I feel so ridiculous for hating them, but I'm so miserable at home and I've had so many friends tell me I can stay with them that I've seriously begun considering it. I'm desperate to move out, but with property prices in the UK that don't seem to be going down anytime soon, my only hope is surviving another 2 years and then moving into student accommodation, and I have no idea what I'll do after that.
Again, sorry for the jumbled-up mess, I just really needed to get it off my chest. I feel so unreasonable for hating them but then when I tell my friends about my home life they seem horrified as they either have absolutely nothing to do or less than a quarter of my responsibility. AITA?

Ok here's what I've got today:

1. Dany is indeed the final "threat" of the story. That does not make her mad or evil.
2. The second dance is a global endgame conflict along lines or race, class, and religion.
3. The rise of R'hllor is about western anxieties around the rise of the Islamic empire and the perceived threat jihad posed to Christendom during the Middle Ages. Hence why the Faith of the Seven is a clear allegory for Catholicism and western monotheism, while R'hllor is a clear mashup of Zoroastrianism and eastern monotheism.

Even for me, this is going to be a pretty elaborate theory. But if you can get over the alternate timeline stuff I think I can provide an explanation of how the last three episodes of the show were D&D's attempt at depicting the second dance of the dragons.
The first dance of the dragons was a Targaryen war of succession fought with dragons on both sides, and George has said that a second dance will be a subject of a future book. The prevailing view in the fandom is that the Essos story will wrap up in Winds, and Dream will open with a quick dance between Dany and Aegon spanning the time it takes the Others to march from the Wall to the Trident.
My problem with that view is that Aegon doesn't have a dragon, the Essos story cannot resolve by the end of Winds, and you cannot fit a race war between Duskendale and King's Landing.

I. Some say the world will end in fire

The title of A Song of Ice and Fire is based on the Robert Frost poem 'Fire and Ice' which proposes the world can end in either fire or ice. In the poem ice is hatred and vengeance, and fire is love and desire. In the story, ice and fire manifest as the two threats looming over the Seven Kingdoms, being the Others to the north and Daenerys and her dragons to the east.
George is very upfront about this:

Well of course the two outlying ones, the things going on north at the wall, and Daenerys Targaryen on the other continent with her dragons, are of course the ice and fire of the title, a song of ice and fire. The central stuff, the stuff that's happening in the middle in King's Landing, is much more based on historical events, historical fiction, it's loosely drawn from the war of the roses and some of the other conflicts around the hundred years war, although of course with a fantasy twist.
One of the dynamics I started with there was the sense of people being so consumed by their petty struggles for power within King's Landing that they're blind to the much greater threats happening far away on the periphery of their kingdoms. And of course you can see that all through history...
~ GRRM

Yet the way the story has developed, the ice is coming before the fire. Once the Long Night comes, Dany can no longer be perceived as a threat because the Others pose a common enemy. This is why I believe the story will show us a split timeline.
Like the poem, one ends in ice and the other ends in fire.
In the first timeline the threat is the Long Night, where ice comes to end the world and fire wages a war for the dawn. In the second timeline the invasion from the north is prevented, so the threat is the from the east. It's Azor Ahai. It's the Stallion Who Mounts the World. With no ice apocalypse to fight, a holy war in the name of a fire god becomes a threat to the people of Westeros.

"People say I was influenced by Robert Ford’s poem, and of course I was, I mean... Fire is love, fire is passion, fire is sexual ardor and all of these things. Ice is betrayal, ice is revenge, ice is… you know, that kind of cold inhumanity and all that stuff is being played out in the books." ~ GRRM

Like in the poem, the threat of the Others is about hatred. The Others are the revenge of the Children of the Forest. Also like the poem, the threat of dragons will be about love and desire. Dragons are a manifestation of Dany's desire to liberate and conquer, but also her quest for love and belonging.

"Fire is a cruel way to die. Dalla died to give this child life, but you have nourished him, cherished him. You saved your own boy from the ice. Now save hers from the fire." ~ Jon II, ADWD

The kingdom is saved from ice and then it must be saved from fire. From love, desire, and dragons.

II. Under the banner of House Targaryen

I believe that in the second timeline Tyrion doesn't sabotage the Aegon cause out of spite, and so Aegon actually does go meet Dany in Essos. He is accepted by Rhaegal due to his Valyrian blood, so Dany accepts his legitimacy and the two are betrothed. Thus House Targaryen will proceed to conquer the world, with an empire stretching from Vaes Dothrak to Casterly Rock.
That may sound ambitious given the size of Dany's dragons, but consider the alliance forming under the banner of House Targaryen.

1. Dany has already established a foothold in Slaver's Bay.
2. Dany is headed for Vaes Dothrak where she will no doubt raise a Dothraki army.
3. Victarion has brought the Iron Fleet and is fighting Dany's enemies from Astapor and Yunkai.
4. The Red Temple is preaching Dany as the messiah and want her to lead a slave revolt in Volantis.
5. Red Priests are leading religious uprisings in Qohor.
6. Barristan has promised Pentos to the Tattered Prince.
7. Dorne already seeks to align themselves with House Targaryen.
8. Tyrion has promised the gold of Casterly Rock to the Second Sons.
9. The Golden Company originally broke their contract with Myr to join Dany.

Dany's dragons may be young, but people are flocking to her just as Quaithe said they would. Everyone wants a piece of the miracle, and that desire has inspired the messianic prophecies that now surround her. Dany's story is even more powerful than her dragons.

Tyrion considered saying something, then thought better. It seemed to him that the prophecy that drove the red priests had room for just one hero. A second Targaryen would only serve to confuse them. ~ Tyrion VIII, ADWD

People often speculate that Aegon will steal Dany's thunder in Westeros and drive her to jealousy and madness, but currently Aegon is the one who is insecure about being less accomplished. For people in Essos, Daenerys Targaryen is the messiah, but Aegon is just a boy.
^{Remember how the show framed Jon and Dany's first encounter. Jon show is also Aegon IV.}
In the west this dynamic will be inverted. The mummer's dragon was raised to adhere to the norms of Westeros, so Aegon VI will be perceived as the rightful king coming to restore peace and stability after a corrupt Lannister regime. Meanwhile Dany will be perceived as the queen of savages, bringing with her a foreign fire religion. This plays out on the show as well.

"No." The eunuch's voice seemed deeper. "He is here. Aegon has been shaped for rule since before he could walk. He has been trained in arms, as befits a knight to be, but that was not the end of his education. He reads and writes, he speaks several tongues, he has studied history and law and poetry. A septa has instructed him in the mysteries of the Faith since he was old enough to understand them. He has lived with fisherfolk, worked with his hands, swum in rivers and mended nets and learned to wash his own clothes at need. He can fish and cook and bind up a wound, he knows what it is like to be hungry, to be hunted, to be afraid. Tommen has been taught that kingship is his right. Aegon knows that kingship is his duty, that a king must put his people first, and live and rule for them." ~ Epilogue, ADWD

I know that the dynamic I'm putting forward here isn't new, but this doesn't work in the middle of the Long Night, nor does it make sense after. A dragonless Aegon Targaryen cannot prove his legitimacy, nor survive the Others, nor call himself protector of the realm.
Symbols matter. Wyman Manderly makes this clear.

To thwart him White Harbor must have Ned's son … and the direwolf. The wolf will prove the boy is who we say he is, should the Dreadfort attempt to deny him. ~ Davos IV, ADWD

But in another timeline where he brings a (green) dragon, Aegon will have the proof he needs to pull off a Targaryen restoration.
While Aegon has been raised to adhere to Westerosi norms so he can appeal to the church and aristocracy, Dany's following in Essos is being built through slave revolts and the rise of R'hllor. The only way to hold this global empire together would be a Dany and Aegon marriage. Yet Aegon is not Dany's type nor is Dany Aegon's. Rather, the two are setup to be mostly jealous and resentful of each other. And what happens when two married people resent each other?
They get divorced.

III. World War D

To explain how this ignites, I have to use everyone's least favorite scene from season 8.
Let's talk about Dany's speech:

You are liberators! You have freed the people of King's Landing from the grip of a tyrant. But the war is not over. We will not lay down our spears until we have liberated all the people of the world. From Winterfell to Dorne, from Lannisport to Qarth, from the Summer Isles to the Jade Sea! Men, women, and children have suffered too long beneath the wheel. Will you break the wheel with me?
~Shownerys Targaryen

I understand that D&D treat Dany's ending without much nuance, aiming to paint her in the most fascist light possible. And I understand that for many, this scene is simply a reflection of D&D's fear of women and brown people (I'm Palestinian, I get it). However, I think it's cope to argue D&D pulled this out of nowhere. A global jihad to liberate the world is very much setup in the books.

"Benerro has sent forth the word from Volantis. Her coming is the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy. From smoke and salt was she born to make the world anew. She is Azor Ahai returned … and her triumph over darkness will bring a summer that will never end … death itself will bend its knee, and all those who die fighting in her cause shall be reborn …" ~ Tyrion VI, ADWD

The Red Temple are gearing up for a holy war across Essos. After Dany helps them topple slavery and take control of Volantis, the Red Priests will seek to take control of the neighboring Free Cities. Dany doesn't need to become a R'hllor fundamentalist to allow this (and she won't), she simply needs to accept it as part of the anti-slavery crusade. After all...
Most of the Free Cities still allow slavery.
So the uprisings won't end in Volantis. Lys, Myr, and Tyrosh, all practice slavery. The Red Priests are already instigating riots in Qohor, where slavery is illegal but still practiced by the wealthy. Next is Norvos, a theocracy where slavery is also practiced. After Norvos is Pentos, again where slavery is forbidden but still practiced by the rich. Most notably Illyrio Mopatis, a wealthy backer of the slave trade who has been the puppet master behind the Targaryen restoration plot from the beginning. Whether Daenerys makes good on Barristan's promise to the Tattered Prince, Pentos is where her story began and the story is pulling her back.

Tyrion pondered all he knew of Volantis, oldest and proudest of the Nine Free Cities. Something was awry here. Even with half a nose, he could smell it. "It's said there are five slaves for every free man in Volantis. Why would the triarchs assist a queen who smashed the slave trade?" He pointed at Illyrio. "For that matter, why would you? Slavery may be forbidden by the laws of Pentos, yet you have a finger in that trade as well, and maybe a whole hand. And yet you conspire for the dragon queen, and not against her. Why? What do you hope to gain from Queen Daenerys?" ~ Tyrion III, ADWD

While Aegon proceeds to conquer Westeros by appealing to the ruling class, Dany's forces will carry out an anti-slavery crusade across the Free Cities. This crusade will not only abolish slavery, but will topple the ruling class and spread R'hllor, threatening both the aristocracy and the church, who fear the same in Westeros. Aegon might demand that she stop, but he'd have no power in Essos, where people are loyal to the black dragon, not the green.
This sets up the core political basis for a second dance. It won't really be over the question of legitimacy (it never is), but rather conflicting approaches and interests. Just like in the first dance, the dispute is between a progressive monarchy (the blacks) and a traditionalist aristocracy (the greens). It's a dispute that threatens to spin out into a global conflict along lines of race, class, and religion.
Once again, Tyrion is the saboteur. Tyrion will fall for Dany and act upon his unrequited love by instigating the conflict. This could involve anything from planting the seed that Aegon might be a Blackfyre to insinuating that Aegon is having an affair and plans to have her set aside (perhaps over her alleged infertility). But Tyrion can't invent a conflict, he can only instigate what already exists.
My guess is that this all comes to a head when Dany goes against Aegon's wishes and burns Illyrio alive for treason. This will be true. He is after all guilty of funding the Triarchs against her. You may feel this is justified, but it will still invite comparisons to Aerys. Then Aegon will have Missandei taken into custody for spying on behalf of Daenerys. This will also be true. Finally, Aegon will seek to have Dany deposed, she will declare him a pretender, the Aegon loyalists will turn on the Dany loyalists, she will mount Drogon, he will mount Rhaegal, and the dragons will dance.
Black vs Green

Teora gave a tiny nod, chin trembling. "They were dancing. In my dream. And everywhere the dragons danced the people died." ~ Arianne I, TWOW

When the dance is done, Dany will be victorious. But the collateral damage will be catastrophic, with countless civilian casualties as well as the death of Rhaegal. The quest will have turned her into the villain of the story she was raised on. The tragedy of the mother of dragons is that she becomes the usurper and kills her own child.
This is pretty much where I see the end of the Dany story. If you disbelieve her death on the show, then Dany can fly away to Asshai never to return. Otherwise Dany will be assassinated by someone close to her (probably Jorah Mormont). In the new timeline she and Jon never meet.
The twist is that the Dothraki, Unsullied and Fiery Hand never invade.
The holy war never comes to Westeros.

IV. Dany's Landing

George has said the second dance doesn't have to mean Dany's invasion.

The second Dance of Dragons does not have to mean Dany's invasion. George stopped himself short and said he shouldn't say anymore. ~ SSM

I think he said that because it doesn't. Daenerys will come to Westeros, but we're not getting two consecutive Targaryen invasions, because why on earth would we need that?
I know that is controversial, but really look at the story. There isn't space for a full scale Daenerys invasion. People kind of see this already. When most fans describe what they expect a Dany invasion would be, it's typically just two battles between Duskendale and King's Landing.
But a true Dany invasion is practically a race war. It's a massive story that would bring tens of thousands of people who are ethnically, culturally, and religiously alien to the continent. Really ask yourself, who will lead the Dothraki after Daenerys? How do the Unsullied fit into Westerosi society? What will the Fiery Hand hand think about King Bran? These groups don't share the same customs or language, they can't establish new houses, and they don't even want to live in Westeros. Without Dany becoming queen to help them assimilate, the only options they have are to fight to the death or leave.
^{And no, George won't resolve the Essos story by having all the foreigners die in the Long Night.}
I believe that as the Essos plot expanded to be about ending slavery, George decided he'd rather not have the freed slaves show up to Westeros as a hoard that gets massacred and then leaves. Instead it seems that the Dany invasion from the original outline was scrapped in favor of a more fleshed out Essos campaign, and the Aegon invasion was created as a replacement in the west.
Even with this change, the overall Dany arc is as originally intended. It's queen, conqueror, messiah, then downfall.

The whispers became a swirling song. . . . three fires must you light . . . one for life and one for death and one to love ~ Daenerys IV, ACOK

The second fire is not King's Landing. It's in Volantis. The fire for death will be Dany burning the Old Blood behind their Black Walls. The show depicts this as the burning of the khals, which is followed by people worshiping her as the messiah (also adapted from Volantis). In addition to being proclaimed Azor Ahai in Volantis, Daenerys will also take up the mantle of the Stallion Who Mounts the World in Vaes Dothrak. This is a clear historical parallel to Genghis Khan, who's ambition to conquer the world was also justified as being the will of god. Just like the show, the books are building up to a situation where all of Dany's loyalists are from Essos, her destiny is perceived as being divinely ordained, and her downfall prevents a crusade to "remake the world."
Yet Daenerys still lands in Westeros in both timelines. In one she will reconstruct the messiah narrative, and in the other she will deconstruct it.

That night she dreamt that she was Rhaegar, riding to the Trident. But she was mounted on a dragon, not a horse. When she saw the Usurper's rebel host across the river they were armored all in ice, but she bathed them in dragonfire and they melted away like dew and turned the Trident into a torrent. Some small part of her knew that she was dreaming, but another part exulted. This is how it was meant to be. The other was a nightmare, and I have only now awakened. ~ Daenerys III, ASOS

In the Long Night, the Daenerys story will be close to fantasy. She'll come to Westeros as a messiah, and characters will perceive her as a light in the darkness that gives humanity a fighting chance. She doesn't need to bring her army for this, she just needs to use her fire to empower the people of the Seven Kingdoms to fight for their own lives.
I don't expect her to have a literal war council with every major character, but she will likely face Euron and fight alongside Jon.

"When I went to the Hall of a Thousand Thrones to beg the Pureborn for your life, I said that you were no more than a child," Xaro went on, "but Egon Emeros the Exquisite rose and said, 'She is a foolish child, mad and heedless and too dangerous to live.' When your dragons were small they were a wonder. Grown, they are death and devastation, a flaming sword above the world." He wiped away the tears. "I should have slain you in Qarth." ~ Daenerys III, ADWD

In the second timeline, the Daenerys story will be political. She'll come to Westeros as a "messiah", and characters will perceive her as a destroyer of worlds. A tyrant queen bringing foreign savages to topple their way of life. For Dany the challenge will be political, not military. It will revolve around dealing with a nobility that refuse to bend to her will.
I don't expect her to have an irrational beef with the Stark girls, but she will likely seem antagonistic to the other protagonists.
Yet she is the same character in both timelines. What changes is the story.

"I am no maester to quote history at you, Your Grace. Swords have been my life, not books. But every child knows that the Targaryens have always danced too close to madness. Your father was not the first. King Jaehaerys once told me that madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a new Targaryen is born, he said, the gods toss the coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land." (...)
"So I am a coin in the hands of some god, is that what you are saying, ser?" ~ Daenerys VI, ASOS

Whether Dany's landing is greatness or madness actually is in the hands of some god, and that god is the storyteller. Whether that storyteller is Bran or Sam or George, or even you the reader, the point is to reconcile the duality. Great figures like Daenerys Targaryen are heroes to some and villains to others, and ultimately they are defined by the story we choose to tell about them.

V. Summary

George has stated that the dual threats of ice and fire are from the north and the east, and that Dany is the threat from the east (essentially Genghis Khan with a dragon).
The second dance of the dragons does not refer to Dany's invasion. It refers to a global succession dispute between Daenerys and Aegon which takes place at the end of the story. Much like the Dany and Aegon of the show, the two will have irreconcilable differences that make marriage impossible and thus divide the Targaryen empire.
Once again it's blacks vs greens. While the female claimant rides the black dragon (Drogon), the male claimant will ride the green dragon (Rhaegal). While the people of Essos favor Daenerys, the people of Westeros will favor Aegon. While Dany builds her coalition through slave revolts that replace the ruling class, Aegon will build his coalition by winning the ruling class over to his side. While the Red Temple of R'hllor proclaims Dany to be their messiah, the Faith of the Seven will anoint Aegon VI as the one true king (religious uprisings are already underway in both continents). If Daenerys brings her army from Essos, it will be race war, class war, and holy war.
However neither Dany nor Aegon will be religious. As in history, the religions will mostly be used as competing stories to justify who should rule. Yet the stories used to consolidate support behind the black and green dragons will also push them to conflict. Thus the mother of dragons will be forced to kill not only her alleged nephew, but also her own child.
In the end the holy war will be averted, but that's another story.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAKevinkan
My wife is upset by my finally flourishing (Envy?)
Originally posted to nonmonogamy
BoRU 1
BoRU 2
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, emotional neglect, gaslighting
Original Post Nov 9, 2023
My(28M) wife, Ashley(30F) have been together for 4 years, married 3, and open for 2. We both found someone very early, Ashley was dating a married man in a stable poly relationship, and I got quite close to a grad student at a nearby college. Ashley and I were both high on NRE but managed to share that with each other and it was so intense and special.
After nine great months, my grad student got a job offer several hours away. Being slightly introverted I kind of withdrew into my shell and threw myself into the gym to take my mind off things. Less than two months after that Ashley's Meta got pregnant and her relationship started to wind down. I had hoped we could take some time and maybe travel or just spend some romantic time together after both of our breakups but Ashley's plan was to chase that next NRE rush with someone new. But she wasn't matching with anyone that she could really connect with, she started seeing more people more often. Then she scheduled a date with a new guy on Saturday night which had always been "our" date night, we argued and she ended up not going out with either of us that night. She insisted we change our date night to Thursday because Friday and Saturday were better for her other partners especially if they wanted to do an overnight.
All this caused me to spiral a bit and I was practically living at the gym, with no real enthusiasm for dating for a few months. The upside was I lost 35 pounds and really pumped my arms and upper body up. One of my friends(Keith) from the gym talked me into working at one of his clubs on Friday and Saturday as a barback since they were crazy busy, it's a mixed crowd LGBTQ+ with a big dance floor and a drag show. By the third week, I was bartending and the MC had made teasing me and grabbing my ass part of her act. I started getting hit on which boosted my confidence and went from introverted to the other end of the scale.
After about three months, I noticed Ashley making snide remarks about my working and staying out all night as I think she was a bit annoyed or jealous I was having such a good time. She was still getting dealt shitty cards from a stacked deck, as she put it. Rarely getting more than 3-4 dates from any one guy before ending it or getting ghosted. Meanwhile, I am going to afterparties or hooking up and not getting home much before the sun comes up. Then came the big storm,

1. I knew I was going to hook up with a regular at the bar and not be home so I texted Ashley that I was having an overnight and would be home till the next morning, I get a lengthy text about how I ruined the mood on her date and ruined things and the next day had a big argument.
   
2. Ashley had told me she was doing an overnight on Friday, so after work, I invited a few people to the house. Ashley had a fight with her BF and came home early to find me in the hot tub with three naked women ( two were lesbians but the picture didn't reflect that).
   
3. Ashley and her date decided they wanted to see the Drag show on Saturday. It was a packed house, we had three bachelorette parties in the house that were in rare form, I was helping the barback clear empties from the tables, and the MC and one of the other Divas were giving me the business which only egged the bachelorette groups to get handsy as well. As busy as it was I never saw Ashley but Kevin did and saw her leave in a huff with a bewildered date in tow.
   

The day after she came to the club Ashley said we needed to close the relationship and work through some issues. We talked about a few of them, mostly me not being available on the weekends and not prioritizing our relationship. I had to remind her that she was the one who prompted us to move our date night from Saturday to Thursday to accommodate her boyfriends' schedules. She brought up how hurt she was when she had a fight with one of her dates and came home early to find me in a hot tub full of women when she needed me to be there for her.
I told her for once I was getting to enjoy the same freedom she had and if she was having issues then maybe she should take a step back and close her side while she got some individual counseling to learn how to deal with her issues. I haven't missed a Thursday date night with her, although she can spend a third of it on her phone with other guys and that's supposed to be okay and I brought up how she literally sends thirty texts to my one.
Last night she brought it up again and I said if she wanted to close we could close, but it would be permanent. No dating or online flirting, she would have to delete all her dating apps and Snapchat, all her phone numbers of past hookups, everything. I made it clear if we went down this path the next time she wanted to so much as have dinner with another man alone it would be as a single poly woman. Obviously, she didn't like my idea and said it was unfair, and personally right now that isn't something I want either but I'm not going to just let her pour cold water over my side to appease whatever is going through her head right now.
TL;DR Wife wants to shut/slow things down after possible envy/jealousy issues
RELEVANT COMMENTS
sweetlittlecowgirl

Yikes. It sounds like neither of you has tended to your relationship with each other in quite some time. (Initially her, and now both of you). You both seem to be prioritizing random hookups before eachother when your priorities should be the other way around... Eachother first, your dates second.

OOP

Respectfully, she was the one to move our date night to a weeknight and then spend Friday and Saturday chasing new partners, often spending overnights leaving me home most of the weekend. I still made an effort to plan date nights as best I could which was hard considering we both have to get up early Friday to go to work.
We were still intimate a couple of times a week. But I took the club job partially to fill the time I was left at home alone and when I started having fun doing it she wanted to shut it down.

_ghostpiss

"she started it" isn't the justification you think it is

OOP

So are you saying I should have just sucked it up and wallowed at home alone while she dated all weekend? We had a pretty balanced routine that was fulfilling before she started her speed-dating antics or was that somehow my fault too? And I was pretty vocal at the time I was unhappy with things but that all got pushed aside.

Update - My wife is upset by my finally flourishing (Envy?) Nov 23, 2023
Original Post
So a couple of weeks ago, my wife Ashley, asked to close our relationship and work on some issues. Which I refused since I was just starting to really enjoy it after being left behind as it were, you can read my previous post for context if needed. Another thing she wanted was for me to stop working part-time tending bar at an LGTBQ+ club after she and a date of hers came in and she saw the attention I was getting there.
Last Thursday was our scheduled date night where she again asked me to pause, reconnect, and work through some issues. Friday and Saturday nights had lately been the nights I worked at the club while she went out with her other partners and was often gone overnight leaving me alone for most of the weekend. This last weekend she spent both Friday and Saturday nights sitting alone at the end of the bar where I worked, I had a date already planned for Friday after work but on Saturday we left together and had breakfast before going home. All this week her phone has been silent and I have only seen her texting a couple of times. All three times we have been intimate this week she has been the one to initiate it, which is the total opposite of the last 9 months.
We had a long talk and she wants to make Saturday our official date night again in addition to keeping Thursday night as well. She said she had pulled all her dating profiles down and deleted Snapchat, basically closing her side of the relationship down. Her only ask has been for me to not work Saturdays so we could spend the entire day together. I told her I could do that but I needed to give Kevin time to find a replacement for me at the club.
We are spending this afternoon with her family and lunch tomorrow with mine for Thanksgiving. Ashley has a new individual therapist she will start seeing next week and wants an extra session with our couple's counselor for the next couple of months. She hopes but hasn't pressed that I will close my side as well but I haven't made up my mind yet, I guess I will wait and see for now.
Hayek_School

Ashley is simply used to getting what she wants, when she wants. Even if it takes pressing OP by showing up to his part time job. Strategic, since this job is what got him back in the game and having fun. When she sufficiently blocks OP from whats working for him, the game will change, again. Clear manipulation tactics, OP. Won't be long before she wants you to quit that job, outright. That will mark the completion of her plan. She will wait a bit and magically be ready to get back out there.
From reading OP's well thought out posts, its pretty clear he understands what I laid out above. While ENM isn't easy and certainly is a give and take by all parties involved, once certain patterns become apparent the side constantly laying down needs to stand back up. Can't imagine how he felt those 9 months, let alone how little she cared.

OOP

"Even if it takes pressing OP by showing up to his part time job."

Ashley's reasoning for spending time at the club was to 1.) Spend more time with me. and 2.) Shows she wasn't spending time out with her other partners. and 3.) And be there when I get off work.

"Won't be long before she wants you to quit that job, outright. That will mark the completion of her plan. She will wait a bit and magically be ready to get back out there."

Originally she did want me to quit, but has backed off a bit for now, Part of the reason I resisted closing revolved around the fact when my resources dried up she could flip and want to be open again, and I would have a harder time reopening than she would.

Update 2 March 22, 2024
History
My wife, Ashley, frustrated with her dating pool and envious of my overdue success wanted to temporarily close to work on our relationship which had suffered, largely due to her neglect. I refused to close unless it was permanent but said I would meet her halfway. I agreed to quit working Saturday nights at a bar and make Saturday night our date night once again, she was the one who moved our date night to Thursday because Friday and Saturday worked best when she was dating. She did shut her side down and deleted all her apps and profiles.
So we started going to couples therapy every other week and in the weeks in between she was seeing her personal therapist. I was able to get her to understand and take the blame for how I suffered and we worked through a lot of our issues. Our therapist had us work on what we each wanted going forward and devise a plan to manage our expectations. Some of the rules were made to manage NRE and respect each other. These were not boundaries that could be pushed but rules that had serious consequences. Either close permanently or separate pending divorce proceedings.

• Thursday and Saturday were our date nights. No phone calls or texts with other partners.
• On nights we were home together there would be no texts after 7 PM.
• Each of us was allowed two dates per week with other partners.
• No phones are allowed in the bedroom.
• No hosting partners at our house.
• All partners will be informed of these rules and be expected to honor them.

We spent about six weeks rebuilding our relationship and trust. I had one person I was seeing but she was still closed for the most part. A month ago, in one of our sessions, she asked if I was comfortable with her seeing people again and I said I was okay as long as she followed what we had talked about. She started talking to Fred, and they went out a couple of times and had sex on the second date, no overnights yet and they have both been good about texting per our agreements.
Last week Ashley said a friend of hers was going to be in town on Saturday and she wanted to have dinner with him. I asked if that was how she wanted to spend date night and she said just this once. She said he was just a friend and was only in town for the day so I said sure why not. Fast forward to Saturday, she is getting ready, getting dressed up really nice for just a friend. She came out of the bedroom and I got up and grabbed my jacket and keys and asked if she was ready to go. She asked what I was doing and I said we're going to have dinner with your friend tonight, right? She said that wasn't exactly the plan. I apologized and said that's what I thought she meant about having dinner with him on our date night and suggested she text him and tell him it would be three for dinner. After more discussion, she did send him a text that she would be unable to make it for dinner. We ended up getting a pizza delivered and talking most of the night. Sunday morning we slept in and she woke up like nothing had happened and rolled over on top of me.
This week the subject hasn't come up and she has been pretty loving. Monday we have couple's therapy where I'm sure one of us is going to bring it up. Hopefully, it's just a small bump in the road as we have been better together than we have been in a long time. This Saturday we are celebrating my promotion and I am surprising her with a trip overseas.
TL;DR After several inquiries, I am posting an update. Things are looking up but still a little bumpy.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
samlowen

I find it odd that you would try to join a dinner that you were not invited to. Reading that felt like you were intentionally looking to provoke her or ruin her evening.
I can appreciate being upset if you two had plans she was breaking to be with the friend. As written, it didnt look like you two had plans that night other than it was a date night. In my household there is a standing date night but one of us still has to ask the other out, make plans, etc. This didn’t read that way to me, like you two didn’t have a specific date already happening. I could be wrong. Maybe you left that part out about actually having plans with her that evening.

OOP

"I asked if that was how she wanted to spend date night and she said just this once. She said he was just a friend and was only in town for the day so I said sure why not."

We have gone on double dates on date night before and I asked it this way on purpose.
If he was just a friend, why wouldn't I want to meet him? And why would she be upset?
Either way, I'm not going to let her slip into old habits of breaking our agreements again. I gave her the option to go if she really wanted to but she knew that would mean breaking our agreement and she called it off.

Justadudefromnz

Ha!! Seems to me based on her cancelling the day after finding out you were going to that she obviously intended this date night with a friend to be way more than that. I suspect you think that too. Otherwise why cancel it?
If my hunch is right then that brings up trust issues doesn’t it. I think you definitely need to explore this “friendly” date night further at you next counselling session together!! Good luck.

~
Rhine1906

The only thing I would suggest here is more direct communication. I don’t think you’re wrong and I don’t think you’re 100% in the clear.
You’re doing a great job being firm in your rules, I’m just suggesting you say it up front!
And she’s far from off the hook because she should have directly told you she intended to meet him solo. She tried to skirt around agreements and you put your foot down

OOP

I didn't come straight out and tell her no, not on our date night because I knew she would sulk and try to wear me down like she used to do. And as she got closer to leaving it was clear my hunch about what she had planned was correct. If I had let her go she would know that I would cave whenever she wanted to bend a rule.
The last few months we have had zero issues and it has been nice. I have been thinking about quitting the bar gig altogether, it was never about the money and more of a social outlet.
So when I saw her old patterns starting to reemerge I wanted to slam the door on it, once and for all. Was it a blindside, yes. But it gave her zero time to manipulate me.
We had all week to talk about it and she finally came clean, he was not an old friend, just someone she had been talking to online for a couple of weeks.

Elderberry_Hamster3

"We had all week to talk about it and she finally came clean, he was not an old friend, just someone she had been talking to online for a couple of weeks."
So what are you going to do? She's obviously not only trying to bend your agreements in her favour, but she has no qualms about blatantly lying to you. Do you still think this is gonna work?

OOP

It's frustrating for sure. And we will address it in therapy next week. Things have been so much better lately and were looking so promising before this episode. I feel like she is trying to change but it's not like a light switch she can use to change all her behavior all at once. I would like to get past this but I admit my patience has been stretched to the breaking point.
She is also aware that I talked with an attorney last November when things got really bad. And that she was weeks if not days from being served. She found out when my check for his retainer cleared the bank and she googled him and found out his specialty.

NEW UPDATE

Conclusion - My wife is upset by my finally flourishing (Envy?) Apr 27, 2024
Sad History
I had high hopes but I have to admit most of you were right. Things were looking up and we, at least I, were happy, and things looked like we had moved past all the drama. But her lies kept piling up, even telling little lies that didn't mean anything.
Last Sunday, Ashley said she was going shopping with her Mom and would be home around 5 PM. About thirty minutes after she left I heard her watch dinging away in the bedroom, she had left it on the charger by the bed. I called her to tell her she had left her watch and to pick up bread for dinner on her way home, but she didn't pick up, which isn't unusual when she is driving. So I called her Mom and when I told her to tell my wife when she got there she seemed surprised. I chatted with her for a while and discovered they had no shopping plans.
Now I check the text messages that had been coming in on her watch. The one that stood out was from a guy named Alan, whom I didn't know, saying he was running an errand and was going to be a little late. I was composing a lengthy text message when Ashley called me back, she said her Mom had forgotten about the shopping trip. I stopped her and said since Alan was running late she should come back home so we could talk. There were a few seconds of silence before she said she would be right there. When she got home I told her I had had it with all the lies and gaslighting. I told her to pack an overnight bag and to just spend the night with Alan as I needed some space to process what I needed to do next. She apologized for lying and said we needed to talk this out now and not let it fester and get any worse. I told her I was going for a ride to clear my head, but it would be better if she wasn't here when I got back.
I was gone for a couple of hours, during which she sent several texts, when I got home she was still there so I packed a bag and left again without saying much. I got a hotel room and muted my phone. Monday morning I got to work early and made some calls, I was able to see an attorney that afternoon to discuss options for a divorce. I gave him the go-ahead to get started on the paperwork and have her served. I sent Ashley a text asking her to come home straight after work because we needed to have a serious conversation. I was direct and told her I had seen an attorney and started divorce proceedings, that I was done with the lies, and felt this was my only option.
She didn't take it well and all week has been hot and cold, playing every card she has trying to get me to change my mind. I canceled our couple's therapy session Wednesday night, useless at this point. Thursday morning she was served and the reality set in and she cried all night.
I called Keith and asked him if he had an open spot on Saturday night at the bar and told him what had happened. He was sorry to hear about my marriage but excited to have me working on Saturday nights again. They made a big deal Friday night at the club about it and I was touched by all the support and love from my bar family.
I told Ashley I would help her find an apartment and get her moved ASAP. I talked to my landlord and he is willing to let me make an offer on the house we have been renting. I want the divorce to be as amicable as possible but I don't want her in my life anymore. There will be times when our friends bring us into contact and I don't want it to be weird but I want to keep her at arms length.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
lovelicks69

Definitely gaslighting there reading through the history. You know you made the right choice and you clearly tried everything to avoid that outcome, she clearly did not.

OOP

Should have thrown in the towel months ago, just glad to finally be out from underneath this smothering relationship. So many friends tonight have congratulated me for moving on and have opened their hearts to me. It's like a hundred doors have been opened up before me for the first time..
Freedom - a Yang worship word.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Please don’t use this on any other platforms
You guys gave some great advice and I really appreciate the input thus far. I know I have some serious issues with my SO. He has PTSD and took over a month off therapy when we moved out of state. He started back this week and it’s been difficult.
The main issue is his FOO. He suffered some trauma and it made him rethink his relationships with JNMIL and JNSIL. We had moved back to his home state under the absolute promise that things between us and them wouldn’t change. At that point we were NC with JNMIL and vvvvvvLC with JNSIL. Like 1-2x a year text messaging. When he suffered the trauma he reverted back to severe childlike tendencies, stemming from childhood abuse and neglect. He fawns over them and speaks to them the way he talks to our 4yo.
I think I’ve been extremely patient, only requiring boundaries for me and the kids. I haven’t approved or supported his attempts at reestablishing the relationship, but I haven’t stood in his way and only give advice when asked.
This morning he said I’m jealous of them and have issues when I think I’m not the #1 woman in his life. To me, this couldn’t be further from the truth. I said him calling me jealous is low lying fruit and it’s an easy way to dismiss the way I’ve been disregarded and abused by them from day 1.
For instance: on our first trip with them after getting married his mom and I were going to get facials while the guys went fishing. His mom snuck out of her appointment and bought drugs. She OD’d in the hotel that night and through the wall we heard her moaning and being revived in the shower. We cut the trip short and she cried the whole way home while we comforted her. No apology.
She came out to visit one time and spilled her “prescription” pills in our guest room. I luckily found them before our 4yo did. She’s never been allowed to stay with us ever since.
She has repeatedly tried to make herself more important than me- things she’s said to my husband: “I want to be your best friend” “let me help you, don’t go through this alone” “I was here first” “I want to have a weekly date with you” and on Valentine’s Day, “no one will ever love you as much as I do.” I get that she’s emotionally immature and has borderline tendencies. She has been diagnosed as bipolar. So I try to balance those facts and I know he will never stick up for me verbally. The best he can do is end the conversation. I wish it wasn’t like that but I accept that is all he’s capable of.
JNSIL just completely ignores me, unless we’re in each other’s company. In which case we’re both polite. I tried the first 4 years to be her friend and gave up. I don’t expect any different, but she’s never contacted me; not to congratulate me after giving birth. Not when our son was in the hospital for a severe and rare bacterial infection. She did however ask him where I gave birth, which pediatrician I use, where I got donor milk, if I had a lactation consultant, and if I would pump milk for her baby. The last one is extra insulting bc I worked day and night to get my supply back up after our son was sick, and she didn’t even attempt to contact me about my own bodily fluids.
So tell me: how can I explain this is not jealousy, it’s feeling betrayed at his lack of support for me? I know I can’t convince him if this is what he wants to believe, but it hurts to be so utterly dismissed. Please don’t suggest divorce. That might be coming eventually but I’m still trying to see if he makes more improvements with therapy first.

I've previously posted this, but not to my own subreddit. So here goes.
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“How’s it going?”
It was Kurt. I didn't like talking to Kurt, but I couldn’t help it. We’d been classmates in law school. Kurt had finished near the bottom, and I near the top, but Kurt was doing great, and I was really struggling. I told Kurt I was doing ok.
“Whaddya got today?” he asked.
I had a bail hearing. I was starting to do more contested bail hearings, because bail court was always packed, and it was a great place to pick up clients. You show up, fight for your client, and if you’re lucky, you pick up another client and on a good day, maybe even two. “Just a bail hearing,” I said, “what about you?”
“I have five guilty pleas,” said Kurt, not trying to keep the delight out of his voice.
“Wow, that’s great, Kurt.”
Kurt was a dump truck. That’s what we called lawyers like Kurt back then, lawyers who knew no plea other than ‘guilty’. Kurt was going to plead five people guilty that day, and the provincial legal aid plan was going to reward him handsomely for throwing his clients under the bus. He’d be leaving the courthouse a G-note richer in receivables.
“I’ve opened twenty files this month,” he continued, “things are going really great. How about you?”
“I’m doing ok,” I said, and excused myself to do my crappy little bail hearing. I entered the courtroom and sat up front, waiting for things to get started, and while I waited I wondered why Kurt had so many clients, and I had so few.
Kurt went to law school as a mature student, in his mid-thirties when we started, but around forty now. Maybe his maturity helped him. He had a hint of gray at the temples, but I had no gray at all. Instead, I had a decidedly baby-faced look about me. Maybe that was it, I thought to myself. Maybe I should grow a beard or something, make myself look a bit older. Then court started, and I sat around waiting for my client’s case to be called.
We didn’t have smartphones back in those days, so I sat there and watched as the judge started to run through his docket. There were a few consents, an adjournment or two, a comically brief contested bail hearing that ended with a self-rep being sent back to the cells in a rage, and then it was my client’s turn.
“I don’t know this is contested,” the prosecutor said, “we are willing to grant bail, on conditions.” I explained that my client didn’t want conditions other than to keep the peace and be of good behaviour. The judge sighed, and told the prosecutor to get on with it. So the prosecutor put the complainant on the stand, my client’s ex-wife, and the court heard her tale of how my client had beaten her and tossed her down the porch steps at his house. When she finished, I got up to cross-examine. My client had told me a very different story about how his ex-wife went down the stairs, and some more things besides.
“I believe you have a conviction for prostitution?” That’s how I began. I have always liked getting straight to the point.
“Yeah, but I got a pardon, so it don’t count,” the so-called victim said. That was a pretty good start, and it got better when the woman admitted, after a bit of rough handling, to her chronic alcoholism, that she was excluded from all family events, that she knew she was unwelcome at her ex-husband’s home, and the final kicker, that after leaving said ex-husband’s house, she’d been arrested for drunk driving, and it was only at the station after she blew one forty-five that the cop noticed bruising, and she told him all about what her evil ex-husband had done to her when she’d shown up for a family gathering. After I was done with her, I put my client’s current wife on the stand, an eye witness to everything including the so-called victim’s drunken fall, and when she finished her testimony the prosecutor leaned over to me and said that he’d be dropping the charges. A pretty good result for junior lawyer me, but not really, because my client was factually innocent, and the prosecutor’s witness was about as bad as you get. But still, I was feeling proud of myself. “Eat that, Kurt,” I thought as I headed for the door, “eat that, you dump truck.” I left the courtroom and headed for the lawyer’s lounge to brag of my success.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned, and saw an old guy.
“I need a lawyer,” he said. He was maybe fifty, which to me was pretty old. I recognized the man; he’d been in court for a change of bail conditions on consent. He’d been hanging around waiting for paperwork when the court recessed.
“I remember you. You’re the guy charged with destroying a house.”
“I didn’t totally destroy it.” That was true, in the sense that the house was still standing. But he’d taken a chainsaw to it, and other tools as well, and by the time the bank got him out of there, the place was a wreck. The man hadn’t taken too kindly to being tossed out for not making the mortgage payments. I asked if he had any paperwork on him. He pulled out the original bail conditions, one of which was to keep his paperwork on him at all times. I glanced at it.
“Charged with damaging a mortgagee’s interest in a property. Interesting. Heard of that one, but never seen it.”
“It’s not fair,” he said, “I don’t wanna go to jail again.” I asked him what was his prior conviction.
“That’s just it. I already went to jail for this house thing, fifteen days I got. The judge gave me fifteen days last month.”
“What?” The man said more words, and then more, but his words were the scattered nonsense you hear from clients sometimes, the narrative out of order, the important facts buried under irrelevant nonsense, and in the end it took me almost thirty minutes to get the full story out of him at the coffee shop around the corner. But by the time he finished, I was excited. I was more than excited. I was seriously stoked.
“So let me get this straight,” I said, “the bank noticed you were wrecking the house with power tools when they came to check things out.”
“Right.” He was about to start talking again, but I held up my hand.
“And when they saw what you were doing, they got a court order telling you to stop wrecking the house.”
“Right, and--” I held up my hand again.
“And after you got that court order, you wrecked the house even more, as in a lot more.”
“I was pretty mad. Wouldn’t you be, if you were being kicked out of your own home?”
“And when the bank saw that you’d breached the court order, they brought a motion for contempt.”
“Yeah, and the judge, he gave me fifteen days. And I served the whole fifteen. No parole or nothing.” That seemed harsh, but when I looked into things a bit later, I learned that it was true, and that some prison officials thought that the usual parole rules didn’t apply to those convicted of contempt.
“That’s pretty harsh,” I said.
“Do you think you can do something for me?” We made an appointment for him to come to my office later that week, and after our appointment and receiving his retainer cheque I started to dance around like a nut. I burst into Aaron’s office. “You’ll never believe this,” I said, “I gotta new case!”
“Yeah?” said Aaron, the lawyer I rented space from. He was in his mid-forties, technically married but on his way to a divorce, and locked in perpetual mortal combat with his ex. “Do I get a piece?” he said. Aaron’s family law lawyer was super expensive.
I shook my head. “Nope, I landed this client on my own. And you’ll never guess how I’m gonna plead him.”
“Guilty?”
“Of course not!” I hated pleading clients guilty. It was a last resort sort of thing. I was at court to keep people out of jail, not help put them in.
“So not guilty.”
“Nope!” I said.
“So you got your first insanity plea. Congratulations.” Aaron found me amusing, and maybe a little weird. I’d been lawyering for almost three years by this point, but I had lost none of the glee that I’d started out with. I still haven’t, after more than thirty years.
“Nope. You’ll never guess.”
“Guess what?” said Dimitris, walking in to join us. He had been promoted to Aaron’s partner a year before, a big mistake on Aaron’s part. That promotion is what started them both on the path to disbarment.
“I got this new case, and I’m gonna plead the guy autrefois convict!”
They stared at me blankly. I decided to educate them.
“Aside from the usual guilty or not guilty, there’s two other pleas: autrefois acquit, and autrefois convict. You plead a guy autrefois convict if he’s already been convicted of the thing he’s charged with.” When I’d learned about autrefois pleas in law school, I thought I’d never get a chance to do one. I’d never heard of anyone pleading it; it was just one of the zillion things I learned in law school that got shoved to the back of my brain as an interesting thing, but something that I’d never need. After all, how often do people get charged twice for the same thing?
“That’s it?” said Aaron, “that’s why you’re excited? Because you’re pleading this auterfoy thing?”
Aaron didn’t get it. Neither did Dimitris. When I got home that night I told my wife all about it, and she didn’t really get it either, not being a lawyer, but she understood me, and was happy for me. Plus the thousand dollar retainer. That made us both happy.
The following month my client’s case came up, and I was ready, I was stoked. I checked the list, and saw that I’d drawn Judge Hermann, also known as the Hermannator, but I didn't mind. The Hermannator was a real hardass, but he respected good legal argument, and I had a good one that day. I walked into the lawyer’s lounge and grabbed a cup of the shitty coffee that was always on tap. In less than an hour I was going to be in a courtroom. I was going to plead my client autrefois convict, and when I said those words, jaws would drop. Pens would stop writing. Mouths would stop moving, and all heads would turn at the strange plea, so rarely heard in a courtroom, and everyone would look at the lawyer who had entered the unusual plea, and they would say, who is this young lawyer, this new Robinette, this Greenspan, this Cicero, this--
“Hey, what do you have today?” It was Kurt the dump truck, Kurt of the quick and dirty guilty pleas. prosecutors loved Kurt. Judges loved Kurt. But defence lawyers hated him, and he was barely tolerated in the lawyer’s lounge.
“A plea,” I said, feeling smug.
“Just one? I’ve got six. That’s a record for me. I only had five coming in, but I picked up another.”
“That’s great, Kurt, just great.” Kurt’s crap couldn't touch me today. I was pleading a guy autrefois convict, and I didn’t give a damn how well Kurt was doing, or how badly my practice was struggling. I was in legal heaven. But I didn’t enjoy Kurt’s company, so I left him and the crappy coffee in the lawyer’s lounge, and went out into the hallways to find my client. I found him sitting on a bench outside the courtroom. We had a brief discussion.
“Whaddyou mean, you switched lawyers?” I said.
“I talked to this guy,” he said. “What guy?” He handed me a card, but before I looked at it I knew what I would see “Kurt Mandrick”, the card said, “Barrister, Solicitor and Dump Truck.”
“But why?” I asked, “why would you want to switch lawyers on the day of your court case? I know the case inside out; I’m totally prepared. We’re gonna plead you autref--
“Yeah, about that autrewhatever thing, Mr. Mandrick says he’s never heard of it, that it’s not really a plea. It’s just gonna make the judge mad.” Dump truck Kurt had never heard of the plea of autrefois convict,and he’d infected the client with his ignorance. I tried to explain the autrefois convict plea again, but the client was locked in, and it’s hard to shake a client who’s locked in on some idiot notion.
“Yeah, so Mr. Mandrick says he gets along great with the judges and stuff, and he told me I’d walk out of here with no jail time, for sure.”
“Wait here.” I abandoned my client on the bench and headed back to the lawyer’s lounge to have a short word with Kurt. When I opened the door to the lounge there were a few of the older lawyers, the usual crowd. A couple of them were yacking away, another was making notes. Over in the corner was Kurt.
I didn’t want to embarrass Kurt or anything like that, and besides, even at that young age I had already developed a wonderful sense of tact, of how to handle difficult situations politely and calmly.
“What the fuck, Kurt?” I shouted. Pens stopped writing and mouths stopped moving and heads turned towards me. Kurt looked up at me, appalled. “What the fuck,” I said again, “you stole my client, the guy who wrecked his house.” The older lawyers looked over in disapproval. I turned to them and pointed at Kurt. “He stole my client right out in the hallway. I’m on the record, I got a retainer and all that, and this fucker, this dump truck, stole my client, and now he’s gonna plead him guilty.”
“He wants to plead guilty,” Kurt said.
“Only because he’s an idiot.” I left the lawyer’s lounge and headed back to where my client was waiting. I could hear the dump truck following me, and then Kurt and I fought it out in front of the client, an unseemly squabble, embarrassing really, especially considering that I lost, lost to Kurt, Kurt of the guilty plea, Kurt the dump truck. I was forced to admit defeat.
“Fine,” I said, “but I’m going to watch. Gonna get my money’s worth.”
“Whaddya mean?” the client said.
“I’m keeping your retainer. You’re not getting a penny back.” Our squabble became louder and more unseemly and it ended only when the doors opened and it was time to enter the courtroom and watch the Hermannator dispense justice. I sat there for an hour, listening to adjournments and pleas and then it was the turn of my former client, and his new lawyer, Kurt. It was time for Kurt to work his magic. I watched as Kurt pleaded his man guilty, without negotiating with the prosecutor, without preparation, without anything at all.
“My client’s a first offender,” Kurt said, going on about his client’s spotless reputation, about the client’s moment of madness, his speedy regret, assurances that he would never do anything like that again. But this was Judge Hermann’s courtroom, and Hermann liked to draw blood. He gave the client thirty days. The client jumped to his feet.
“But the last time the judge only gave me fifteen! It’s not fair!”
“Fifteen days for what?” said the judge
“Fifteen days for wrecking a house.”
The judge turned to the prosecutor. “I thought you said no priors.” The prosecutor shook his head. “Nothing that I can see.”
“Well,” said the judge, “he’s admitted to a prior, and I’m entitled to believe an admission against interest.” He turned back to the poor sap standing in the dock before him. “I was going to give you thirty, but seeing as you have a prior, and for the same thing--”
All Kurt could manage was a feeble ‘but but but”, and then he turned, and looked at me as if for rescue. He mouthed something to me, and to this day I think he mouthed something like, “what was that plea?” But I ignored him, and I watched as The Hermannator gave the client sixty days. The client began to speak, but it was the same style as he’d displayed in the coffee shop, a spew of meaningless words. The judge told him to shut up and sit down. When I walked out, Kurt was trying to get the judge to let his client serve his time on weekends, but The Hermannator wasn’t known for letting people serve time on weekends, and I didn’t need to hear the rest. I went back to the lawyer’s lounge and told everyone there the gory details, and we all had a good laugh at Kurt’s expense. When I got home that night my wife asked how did the case go, the case with that special plea.
“It went great, really great,” I said, and handed her a cheque for a thousand bucks. And it was great, actually, because that day the older lawyers in the lounge treated me like a peer. I felt their respect, and that made it all worthwhile.