I (38 F) have been married to my husband (41 M) for 7 years, this coming June and together for 9 years. We have two kids, twin boys, that are 5 months old. I'm going to give a long backstory so stay with me or scroll to the bottom for the TL;DR.
2 weeks before Mother's Day, I found out my husband had been cheating on me for at least 7 months. I used his phone to use the Lowe's app to order lawn chairs since it's tied to our Lowe's card and I wanted to use our rewards. While I was looking for the particular set I want, he received a Snapchat notification from a woman. I didn't even know he had Snapchat so it peaked my interest. During this time, my husband was mowing the grass.
I open the snap and it's a nude of a woman looking to be in her mid-20s with the caption "I miss you being inside of me". My jaw hit the floor. I started going through his text messages and there were no conversations there with other women except employees from his practice (he is a dermatologist) that were harmless.
I started looking through his Snapchat and I guess he deletes everything because there were no chats between him and this woman. I am not familiar with Snapchat so I Google how to use it while I'm trying to figure out if I can retrieve deleted messages. I don't want to spend all the time I have left of him mowing reading through articles so I give up. I do go through his friend's list and end up coming back to it to take a picture of with my phone.
I look through the rest of the apps on his phone and they all seem benign except this secure folder. I open it and there's a passcode. I try three or four until I figure it out (the date of our first date, ironically) and it opens. There are dozens of nude photos of at least 3 women, including the woman from Snapchat. I know it's the woman from Snapchat because she has a very distinct tattoo on her stomach. Not only are there nudes but there are 2 videos of this same woman giving him oral.
My heart felt like it was trying to come out of my chest. I started shaking and tears started flowing. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down and then grabbed my phone and started taking pictures of the evidence. I even recorded clips of the videos, I just couldn't watch them in their entirety.
I look through all the apps again and realize that maybe he has some hidden. So, I google hidden apps on android and follow the instructions. Three apps were hidden. Two messaging apps and a hook-up app called Adult friend finder. I debated even opening them because I was so scared of what I would find. But I ended up viewing them because knowing is better than not knowing for me.
He had been messaging at least 4 different women, including the video girl. He had sex with at least two of them that I found proof of. All messages made me sick but the video girl's messages were the worst and completely shattered my heart. I had to stop to go throw up because of the stress and anxiety.
Some messages that hurt me the most were: Her: "Tell me how much better my p***y is than your wife's." Him: "Wetter, tighter and infinitely better."
Her: *sends nude* "How does my body compare to your wife's?" Him: "There is no comparison baby, you are a goddess."
There were so many others but those two come to mind as the ones that made me feel the absolute worst. Remember, I just had twins 5 months ago. I am very insecure due to all of the changes that happened to my body and my c-section scar. I am also 25 pounds heavier than I was pre-pregnancy. My husband and I stopped having sex because it was so uncomfortable for me about 2 months before I gave birth, around the same time he started messaging these women coincidentally. We've only had sex about three times since they were born due to my insecurity issues and just being so exhausted caring for and breastfeeding twins every day. I also have a business and work from home around the twins' schedules so I can stay at home with them.
I take photos of everything, using my phone again like before. The earliest messages were sent 7 months ago so I know it had been going on for at least 7 months, while I was freaking pregnant with our twins. Oh, I also found out that the night after I had a c-section and while our newborn preemie twins were in the NICU, he met with video girl for a hook-up at her apartment. He told me he was going to get food and check on his office. With our twins being preemies, anything could have happened and he wouldn't have been there because he was with her. But, that wasn't a thought for him I guess.
I close out all the apps, make sure the hidden ones are hidden from his home screen and put his phone back exactly where I found it. I also make sure the snap notification was gone. I was nervous that he would find out about the snap that was opened but he didn't.
I call my best friend of over 33 years who is also my business partner. I tell him everything and have a good cry to let it all out. He helps me to collect myself and gives me some sound advice. He tells me to not tell my husband I found anything yet and to speak with a divorce lawyer as soon as possible. He said to meet with the best ones in my area so that they couldn't represent my husband. He offers me and the twins a place to stay at his home if I need time away from my husband, assuring me that his husband would love to have me there.
Over the next week, my BFF helps me take care of the twins while meet with 5 different divorce lawyers and end up hiring, in my opinion, the best. She tells me not to leave the family home so I end up not going to stay with my BFF. She starts the divorce paperwork immediately. During this time, I am doing my best to continue on like nothing is wrong. I want to make sure all of my ducks are in a row before he realizes what I know.
Fast-forward to Mother's Day. My husband makes me breakfast in bed, gives me very expensive jewelry, flowers, the works. I can't enjoy it, of course, because it feels so fake now that I know what he's been up to. I pretend to love it though.
My husband's father planned a cook out that afternoon for my husband's mother, sister (let's call her Julie), sister-in-law (let's call her Fran) and me. We all have infants under a year old so it's everyone's first Mother's day, except my MIL's of course. I told my husband that I didn't feel like going and he guilt-tripped me by saying that my FIL had a big surprise for me and he's been really looking forward giving it to me. So, I reluctantly agree. I ask if my BFF can come since his mother sadly passed away just under a year ago. He calls his dad and my FIL replies that of course he can come. My BFF agreed to come to offer me support since he knew it would be very difficult for me to be there.
I plan to act like nothing's wrong and try to enjoy the day since it's my first Mother's Day after all. I tell myself that I will focus on the twins and get cuddles from my two nieces. Julie has an 8 month old daughter and Fran (husband's brother's wife) has a 10 month old daughter. I'm also the closest to Julie out of all his family since we became friends 10 years ago and she's the one who introduced me to my husband.
We get there and everything is fine. My husband is helping his dad, brother (let's call him Chris), BIL (let's call him Roger) cook on the grill. My MIL and the women are taking turns holding the babies. My BFF took over the kitchen, finishing up all of the sides so the moms could relax. It started out to be a really good day. I kept myself from thinking of my husband's betrayal for the most part and focused on the family.
After we eat my MIL starts taking pictures of the family. I'm sitting on the couch and she tells my husband to sit beside me for the photo. He does and then she tells him to put his arm around me and jokingly says "pretend like you love her" and I lose it. I start to uncontrollably sob.
My MIL pulls me up and hugs me and my FIL comes over and joins in the hug. My BFF comes to stand right next to me. My FIL asks me what was wrong. I look at my BFF and he gives me a "tell if you want" look.
I tell them that I found out my husband has been cheating on me for at least 7 months. Julie gasps and everyone stares at my husband. He stands up and says "that's not true at all, why would you think that? You know you and the boys are my whole world." Everyone is silent, looking at me. I tell them all that I found messages, pictures, the hook-up app and even videos on his phone. My husband looks faint and sits back down. Nobody says anything for at least 2 minutes.
Finally, Julie asks my husband, while crying herself, why? My husband tells her that "I made a mistake, I only talked to the women, I never physically cheated." My BFF quickly replies, "Liar!" Julie then asks me what all I found. I tell them everything, the nudes, the videos of my husband receiving oral, the messages and even tell them what those horrible messages said about me. He continues to deny it! I pull up a few message photos and show them to Julie, my MIL and FIL. My husband tries to gaslight me by saying that he admitted to talking to other women but he never slept with any of them. I really don't want to show them the video but I do find a few messages where my husband and a woman talked about their previous sexual encounters. My husband again says that he admitted to talking to them but never really cheated. He literally says "if the message talks about sex it was just role playing."
Roger (Julie's husband) goes over to my husband and jerks his phone out of his hand. My husband tries to get it back but Roger is 6'7 and my husband is 6'1 so he just holds it up where my husband can't reach. He asks me what his passcode is and I tell him. He then asks me where to find things and as I start to tell him my husband grabs his phone back.
At this point my MIL, Julie and Fran are all crying. Chris starts getting upset with me. He tells me this was not the time nor place to bring this all up and that I ruined Julie and Fran's first Mother's Day. Julie speaks up and says no, my husband is the one who ruined it. Chris starts yelling and saying that our personal business needs to stay private and that I had no right to bring it up to his family and ruin the only first mother's day the women will get. Fran agrees with him and tells me I'm definitely in the wrong for bringing it up, if it even is true.
At this point both of my twins start crying. I am not going to breastfeed them there and I want to get out of that house as quick as possible. I ask my BFF to take me home and we transfer the car seats from my husband's vehicle into his. My MIL follows me outside and says that Chris was right, I should have kept it all to myself and that now future Mother's Days will be a reminder of this fiasco for everyone. I just ignore her and put the twins in the car. My husband comes outside and asks if we can please talk. I tell him no, get in the car and my BFF, the twins and I leave. I end up feeling horrible and guilty that I let it all out to everyone.
My husband didn't come home and ended up staying at his parents house and has been there the past two nights. He got my FIL to come over Sunday evening and pick up clothes, toiletries, work stuff and various other items. While he was here I asked him, did I ruin Mother's Day? He tells me no that my husband did. He said that he asked me what was wrong and I was honest. He said he understood now why the "pretend like you love her" comment caused me to breakdown. I asked him about my MIL, Chris and Fran since I know Julie and Roger aren't mad at me. He said that they are still angry with me but they will eventually get over it.
TL;DR - I found out my husband had been cheating on me for at least 7 months with multiple women, starting while I was pregnant with our twins and continuing after I gave birth. I didn't tell him I knew for 2 weeks. At a Mother's Day cookout that his family hosted for his mother, me, his sister and sister-in-law, his mother made a comment that made me break down. I ended up telling everyone about the infidelity. His brother, SIL, and mother told me I ruined his sister and SIL's first Mother's Day. and that I shouldn't have said anything about the affairs.
Am I the AH?

There's been much discussion, both on the podcast and on this sub, about the extent to which those involved in the Playboy inner and outer circle were subject to NDAs. Most recently, Crystal has been criticized by Marston and HB for supposedly obtaining NDAs near the end of Hef's life and "silencing" his close friend. I think there is some fundamental misunderstandings about NDAs and what their role might be in this story.
Who am I? I am a silly little lawyer, practicing in California, and I love the intersection of law and popular culture. I wrote a journal article in law school about NDAs and the MeToo movement but sure as hell didn't try to get it published, so I've done deep dives into this topic but I am by no means an expert. I do love to learn, however, so if anyone has expertise in this area and wants to correct me or add onto any of this I would greatly appreciate it.
What is an NDA?
A non-disclosure agreement or an "NDA" refers to the broad spectrum of contractual agreements where the terms of the agreement bind at least one party from communicating about a pre-determined topic. Basically, a contract that makes at least someone keep quiet about something.
A contract requires (amongst other things) consideration by both parties. This means both parties have to give and take something for the contract to be valid. A contract, or an NDA, cannot just be a piece of paper where someone promises to do something. There has to be something in it for both sides.
Consideration, most commonly, takes the form of money. I pay you X, so you will do Y. But it can also be in the form of permission to engage in a certain activity. For example, I did an escape room once that had an NDA clause in the waiver so that people wouldn't go blabbing about how to solve the room once they were done. In exchange for getting to do the room, I agreed to the NDA. If I didn't want to agree to those terms, I could just not do the escape room.
The terms of the contract have to be reasonably balanced. You can't pay one cent for someone to agree to give you their firstborn child. Courts generally aren't in the business of scrutinizing the fairness of terms of contracts unless there's something grossly egregious about them, but it still has to make some modicum of sense.
Misunderstanding #1 - Anyone who signs an NDA is a victim being silenced by the other party.
This seems to be the assumption that HB and Marston are operating off of. There's this notion that Crystal forced all of Hef's circle to sign NDAs near the end of his life and now they're being silenced because of it.
First, you can't just have people sign NDAs and expect them to be enforceable. If Crystal did get NDAs from Hef's circle later in life, they had to have been paid consideration for it. Either Crystal offered them a sum of money (which they accepted) or the NDA was a requisite to partake in movie night, buffet dinner, etc. Either way, those who signed NDAs did so with an acceptance of what would be offered in exchange.
Obviously, there's argument that most people don't really understand the contracts they sign and wouldn't agree to them if they understood what they were giving up. But Hef's inner circle? These are people who have been in the entertainment industry for years, if not decades; these are people who have money to hire a lawyer, if not already have a lawyer on speed-dial. I am skeptical that if Dickie Bann was handed an NDA before entering the mansion for movie night he would've just signed it blindly.
Let's also consider the fact that the value of one's ability to speak out is inherently subjective. The criticism of an NDA assumes that the right to speak on a matter is something otherwise desired by the person agreeing to the NDA. It's easy to wonder why a victim would ever agree to an NDA and be prevented from speaking out about their experience. Frankly, before MeToo and the rise of social media, most victims of traumatic experiences were more inclined to speak less about their abuse than to go public. If you're a victim, and you already have no reason to speak to the public about your trauma, getting a significant payout to remain silent is actually a pretty solid deal.
Hef's friends are not victims by any means. But they showed a great amount of loyalty to him and the Playboy brand for decades before his death. I am incredibly skeptical of the notion that Hef's friends, but for some NDA, would have otherwise planned on ratting him out and showing the world that his health was declining.
The value of silence is subjective. Someone signing an NDA does not necessarily mean they are now restricted from publicly communicating something major. It very well might mean they just now have a legal obligation to do the thing that they would have done otherwise.
If, somehow, Crystal had been able to get Hef's friends to sign NDAs, I do not think that it influenced their behavior enough from what would have otherwise been that anyone needs to be that concerned about it. If it did, great, they probably got a great payout from it.
Misunderstanding #2 - NDAs are counter-intuitive to free speech and Hef would have never stood for them
As I'm sure many of you are aware, the First Amendment protection of free speech refers to the government's ability to restrict speech. Someone choosing to sign an NDA is not the same as the government preventing your broadcast from reaching its desired audiences. Someone choosing to not enter a private preschool with an AR-47 has nothing to do with their Second Amendment rights. The free speech that Hef specifically was known for advocating for had to do with censorship at the hands of the government from the broadcast of "obscene" content.
Maybe Bridget meant just the general philosophical idea of "free speech," which you would hope her masters in communication would have taught her to clarify the difference between. Regardles, remember, NDAs require consideration. This is not just ruthless silencing of innocent people who'd love to speak out about how awful Crystal is. These are wealthy, if not also highly educated, people in Hef's inner circle who, if they signed an NDA, surely understand the gravity (or lack thereof) of what they're agreeing to.
Likewise, I don't think Hef was against the idea of an NDA. Holly speculated that Hef wouldn't have required NDAs for those going into the bedroom because it would have given them a second to think about their decision. There's probably truth to this, but courts are also -very- reluctant to enforce any contracts that seem as though they would implicitly be authorizing sex in exchange for money. Also keep in mind the limited opportunities for women at that time to "speak out" if they even wanted to share about what happened in the bedroom. Hef probably would've loved for the public to hear what happened. There wasn't social media or the same understanding of power dynamics as there are these days. Who is someone who went into the bedroom and didn't sign an NDA and had a horrible time going to go to?
Someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that Holly said she signed an NDA to work at the studio. This is perfectly reasonable. Anyone who is on a salary or signed a contract with an employer probably has signed off on an NDA clause and are currently bound by it. You couldn't keep something like who the Playmate of the Year was under wraps without some strict confidentiality provisions. The Playboy empire could not exist if there was some kind of blanket rule against NDAs.
Additionally, part of the allure of the mansion parties, per the podcast, were that no outside cameras were permitted inside. You're really gonna rag on someone not wanting a bunch of shitty iPhone shots of a man in his dying days, meanwhile you're singing the praises of exclusive parties that for decades wouldn't let people take and share photos of the event?
I am fully confident that Hef did not have issues with NDAs for business purposes, and certainly did not see that as contradicting his stance on free speech. In the podcast they said the mansion staff signed NDAs as part of their employment contracts There are countless examples of the Playboy company trying to silence people in Secrets of Playboy. Hef made it very clear that his stance was that free speech was important when it could help his bottom line. Anything else was negotiable.
Misunderstanding #3 - If someone signs an NDA it's automatically enforceable/If an NDA is unenforceable that will be obvious from the get go
To play devil's advocate to myself, I will say that whether an NDA is enforceable by a court of law and whether the parties abide by the terms are two separate issues. In many cases, a contract may not hold up in court if someone seeks to litigate over alleged violation of the terms. Most contracts don't get litigated over let alone actually get a final determination of their enforceability by a Court.
I will say that there's possibility that Crystal had people sign NDAs that were shotty but that the signers didn't understand that the NDAs weren't legitimate and so they still complied with the terms of the contract. (for example, often those waivers you sign for various activities wouldn't hold up in court, but people think they do, which precludes a lot of people from even considering bringing a claim) But this goes back to the type of people who would be signing these NDAs who otherwise might have access to sensitive information about Hef or the company. These are not girls coming out to do test shoots or the larger guest list at the mansion parties. These are people who are wealthy, powerful, and educated and would not be duped by the idea that merely signing an NDA with ridiculous terms would mean the contract is enforceable. Or perhaps they just didn't give a fuck enough about blabbing so there was no reason for them to even question the NDA that would stop them from saying something they weren't playing on saying.
Not a misunderstanding but one closing note in defense of these hypothetical NDAs - The power of speech for the average person has increased exponentially in the digital and social media age. HB acknowledge that the mansion parties were unique from anything currently because there weren't the same tools we have now to disseminate information. I think it's sort of an apples and oranges comparison in terms of confidentiality to compare the vibes of the buffet movie nights from the early 2000s to the 2010s, not even taking into account the nature of Hef's health.
I think Bridget talked about how a lot of screen contracts didn't allow for residuals from streaming services because they literally hadn't existed then. By the time smartphones and social media were ubiquotus I don't think Hef really gave that much of a care about protecting his or the brand's image. Hef never had a policy or strategy to address social media because it just wasn't even a problem for him to consider, not because he had some absolutely stance on letting anyone who came to the mansion say whatever they wanted about it to the masses.
Ok, I think that's all I have for now. Happy to talk about this or debate this more, but wanted to clear some things up since I feel like this drama with Crystal and allegations about NDAs is going to come up in the near future.

I was a gym rat, I'm not now because of other commitments. So I have something to tell my brothers from my own experience.
Women don't care about your body. Most beautiful female friends of mine are with 5/10 looking guys. Couple are with outright short and fat guys. (I'm not judging anybody here but simply pointing at two major insecurities - height and weight). So don't be that guy who cribs about his body type for being single. Now that this fact is out of the way, how can you increase your attractiveness?
If you're a gym goer, don't go into major bear mode if you're doing it for aesthetics. Girls simply don't value what your other gym bros value. So trying to be the biggest baddest guy in the gym is futile. Other Men's respect won't earn woman's love.
Fat is a bigger turn off than muscle is a turn on. It's better to not have muscles than to have chubby face. (This advice comes from personal experience - my mother, sisters, ex told me I looked much better with sharp face with less muscles than with chubby face with more muscles). Face massaging for a minute everyday while washing face, drinking plenty of water, reducing salt and sugar intake, fruits for breakfast instead of simple carbs, enough sleep - basically avoiding anything that causes water retention and tired eyes helps in this.
In the gym focus on side delts (because visible), triceps (because bigger than biceps ), back (because bigger than chest).
Your attractiveness comes almost completely from your personality. Girls are wired differently in these matters. So invest your time and money on things that make you interesting fellow instead of buying 6000rs whey betting solely on physique which anyway won't work. Remember even with physique you'll get sex which doesn't guarantee love but personality guarantees love which guarantees sex.
Who are interesting guys : 1) Knowledgeable. Know more than people around them on various matters. 2) Well spoken. Your words are your resume. Develope vocabulary, be eloquent. 3) Passionate. Serious about the things that they love. 4) Courteous. No crass jokes. No bitching or whining. (Modern women this, modern women that comes into this category) 5) Planned and organised. Signs of reliability. Lets her know she can shut off her brain around him. 6) Aware but not self serious. Is funny, childish at times but with awareness of said childishness.
At the end of the day a girl chooses best of what is available to her. If she finds two idiots with no personality either she'll choose none of them or the one with means or looks. She won't choose an idiot who is also broke and ugly. Don't be that guy.
PS: This is for somebody who is going to gym for singular purpose of being more attractive physically to other gender. Don't be that idiot who waltzes in telling me how he does it for himself and all other things.

Am I the A hole?
So a little back ground. About 2 and a half years ago my wife found out I had been watching porn and masturbating behind her back. From that point I didnt masturbate and had great sex with my wife. I was on TRT and cycling sarms into my workout so my libido was through the roof and my wife and i taken intimate videos together. So a year and a half ago I confessed to my wife that I had been masturbating but to our videos that we made together. She told me it made her feel like she wasnt enough in general even if it was to us. I respect my wife and i want to please my wife and make her happy so since then I have refrained from watching any porn even mild sex scenes on TV as well as getting rid of social media and adding restrictions so less and less women are on the only remaining social media I have left and that's youtube. I had Pinterest up until yesterday but got rid of it because while browsing on Pinterest I clicked on literally I believe it was 3 total photos in my Pinterest history of women. They are skinny and are well endowed. My wife has gained weight and has been trying to lose weight but is having a hard time. I never say she is fat or call her names or anything that would be demeaning to my wife and her self esteem. If anything she is always saying she is fat and I constantly will deny it and tell her that I am very attracted to her. Anyway these photos weren't provocative in anyway just pictures of women doing workouts. I knew when I was looking at them it was wrong and if she found out holy shit so I didn't continue after the 3rd photo. He'll I didn't even search for it, it was just in my Pinterest home feed. Now she is saying I want hoe's and sluts and not her. That I don't love her or respect her. That I'm jerking off. She then went and masturbated herself and watched porn. I know this because of the cameras and I was able to access her search history. Now before she saw the photos everything was great and fine!. She also made fun of me sexually. Saying I'm not big enough and I don't fuck like the porn videos and at least she will get wet. It was absolutely degrading and humiliating. She is literally demeaning me as a person and my character because of the 3 pictures. I love my wife and yes she has anger problems and is controlling and does not trust at all. Even when I think she is she will all the sudden be going through my phone and interrogation pursues. I literally have isolated myself. I have no friends. I don't go out. I don't spend money. I literally go to work and go straight home. I literally surrounded my whole life around her and yet because of 3 photos she is divorcing me. I haven't jerked off I haven't watched porn. I'm so lost. I don't understand.
I don't understand what it will take to earn her trust. I don't understand what it will take for her to stop trying to find something wrong when there isn't anything there. I don't understand how she can be so cold. I can't believe she would humiliate and degrade me like that. Do the very thing she accused me of and then basically rub it in my face. Doesn't seem very mature. She doesn't communicate well because everything you say has the worst alterior motive behind it. She literally looks for there to be problems. I don't understand and I feel like I'm being abused mentally and emotionally. Now I will confess I have hit and pushed my wife before and I haven't been physically violent towards my wife since November of last year and when it happened it was a game changer for me and my life in general. I have been doing alot of self help as communication and etc that even my wife will tell you I have not struck nor pushed my wife or been violent towards my wife in anyway since November of last year. Now I'm not proud or saying I was right. I was way wrong and am being a man about it and facing it. My wife had hit me and pushed me and kicked me and etc also. She actually struck me in the face about 2 weeks ago because I said I had already turned the TV down and I couldn't turn it down anymore without it muting and because she got angry at that she turned over and struck me in the face. So we have both been physical with eachother also but hers being very recent. I screwed up before and feel so much guilt for what i did that i ignored the hitting me. Believe it or not she didnt even Apologize she stormed off and i had to go into the bathroom and just hold her until she liked me again. However things got great and as I said before had been great up until the photos. Now I'm a cheating slut that doesn't want her or find her attractive and I don't love her or respect her and etc. I won't repeat what I have already wrote before so I'm lost and idk what to do. I love my wife and yes I have screwed up in the past but is 3 photos of women deserve everything I got and her divorcing me. Is this salvageable? Am I the asshole? Should I be the one to go? Should i let her go? Should I fight for her? Should I not speak to her and let it be for a little until she wants to talk? What if she does get divorce paper? She threatened to get them Wednesday since she is off and has court in the morning. I don't want this and love my wife and am hurting and hurt and have cried and cried and cried. I'm not afraid to admit I cried alot. I just said out loud I'm gonna miss you so much while crying hysterically. Please anything. I'm willing to hear anything at this point because I don't know if I'm even making right decisions anymore. Am I the asshole?

What do I do?
So a little back ground. About 2 and a half years ago my wife found out I had been watching porn and masturbating behind her back. From that point I didnt masturbate and had great sex with my wife. I was on TRT and cycling sarms into my workout so my libido was through the roof and my wife and i taken intimate videos together. So a year and a half ago I confessed to my wife that I had been masturbating but to our videos that we made together. She told me it made her feel like she wasnt enough in general even if it was to us. I respect my wife and i want to please my wife and make her happy so since then I have refrained from watching any porn even mild sex scenes on TV as well as getting rid of social media and adding restrictions so less and less women are on the only remaining social media I have left and that's youtube. I had Pinterest up until yesterday but got rid of it because while browsing on Pinterest I clicked on literally I believe it was 3 total photos in my Pinterest history of women. They are skinny and are well endowed. My wife has gained weight and has been trying to lose weight but is having a hard time. I never say she is fat or call her names or anything that would be demeaning to my wife and her self esteem. If anything she is always saying she is fat and I constantly will deny it and tell her that I am very attracted to her. Anyway these photos weren't provocative in anyway just pictures of women doing workouts. I knew when I was looking at them it was wrong and if she found out holy shit so I didn't continue after the 3rd photo. He'll I didn't even search for it, it was just in my Pinterest home feed. Now she is saying I want hoe's and sluts and not her. That I don't love her or respect her. That I'm jerking off. She then went and masturbated herself and watched porn. I know this because of the cameras and I was able to access her search history. Now before she saw the photos everything was great and fine!. She also made fun of me sexually. Saying I'm not big enough and I don't fuck like the porn videos and at least she will get wet. It was absolutely degrading and humiliating. She is literally demeaning me as a person and my character because of the 3 pictures. I love my wife and yes she has anger problems and is controlling and does not trust at all. Even when I think she is she will all the sudden be going through my phone and interrogation pursues. I literally have isolated myself. I have no friends. I don't go out. I don't spend money. I literally go to work and go straight home. I literally surrounded my whole life around her and yet because of 3 photos she is divorcing me. I haven't jerked off I haven't watched porn. I'm so lost. I don't understand.
I don't understand what it will take to earn her trust. I don't understand what it will take for her to stop trying to find something wrong when there isn't anything there. I don't understand how she can be so cold. I can't believe she would humiliate and degrade me like that. Do the very thing she accused me of and then basically rub it in my face. Doesn't seem very mature. She doesn't communicate well because everything you say has the worst alterior motive behind it. She literally looks for there to be problems. I don't understand and I feel like I'm being abused mentally and emotionally. Now I will confess I have hit and pushed my wife before and I haven't been physically violent towards my wife since November of last year and when it happened it was a game changer for me and my life in general. I have been doing alot of self help as communication and etc that even my wife will tell you I have not struck nor pushed my wife or been violent towards my wife in anyway since November of last year. Now I'm not proud or saying I was right. I was way wrong and am being a man about it and facing it. My wife had hit me and pushed me and kicked me and etc also. She actually struck me in the face about 2 weeks ago because I said I had already turned the TV down and I couldn't turn it down anymore without it muting and because she got angry at that she turned over and struck me in the face. So we have both been physical with eachother also but hers being very recent. I screwed up before and feel so much guilt for what i did that i ignored the hitting me. Believe it or not she didnt even Apologize she stormed off and i had to go into the bathroom and just hold her until she liked me again. However things got great and as I said before had been great up until the photos. Now I'm a cheating slut that doesn't want her or find her attractive and I don't love her or respect her and etc. I won't repeat what I have already wrote before so I'm lost and idk what to do. I love my wife and yes I have screwed up in the past but is 3 photos of women i didnt jerk off to not were they porn deserves everything I got and her divorce me? Should I be the one to go? Should i let her go? Should I fight for her? Should I not speak to her and let it be for a little until she wants to talk? What if she does get divorce paper? She threatened to get them Wednesday since she is off and has court in the morning. I don't want this and love my wife and am hurting and hurt and have cried and cried and cried. I'm not afraid to admit I cried alot. I just said out loud I'm gonna miss you so much while crying hysterically. Please anything. I'm willing to hear anything at this point because I don't know if I'm even making right decisions anymore.

if you're trans, just forget about having cisf friends or god forbid DATING ON! LOL, DO YOU THINK SHE'D WANNA BE WITH A TRANNY? HONEY... HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU! 😂😂 and being friends with them... NEVER. GONNA. HAPPEN. EITHER. LOOOOL. and if you DO somehow manage to become friends with them, they literally only are because they see you as a harmless, neutered man (something these evil feminists seem to LOVE, lol, they can't handle REAL MEN like we can) but not ever as a woman! even if they do your makeup, never mess up your pronouns, and treat you with more humanity than any man has - YOU'RE FUCKING COPING LOL! DELULU HONEY! and it's so funny to me how a lot of trans women hate male chasers when they're LITERALLY all we have! NOBODY else wants to fuck us! get over your bottom dysphoria, and let a man suck your cock... oops, i mean GIRLCOCK, it's the only reason anyone wants us anyways! 😂😂😂 Oh and don't forget, all transbians are rapists and ugly. if you don't fuck men, you're repulsive and no one will ever want you anyways so good thing you're not into men LOL! like no man would EVER fuck you!!!! you'll just be alone forever jerking off to your agp fantasies! unlike me.... i get SOOO many guys, especially married ones... THATS how desirable i am. they have to keep me a secret because i'm THAT sexy.

Welcome to my post! I'm open to offers for everything listed. Travel size bottles / samples can be found in my other post (see post history for link).
The boring stuff: - Items come from a non-smoking home, and are all new / never used unless noted. Used items have photos showing usage. - Prices exclude shipping, to be calculated to your zip code. For full size fragrances I ship priority (or another insured option) so your purchase is insured and gets to you promptly. - I take swaps (see my ISO at the bottom of the post), paypal F&F, and Venmo F&F. G&S available (with fees).
Full Size
Armani Code Colonia EDT, full size (1.7oz), NIB and sealed - $45
Aromachology Exotic & Spicy EDP, full size (1.7oz), used 1x - $40
Jo Malone English Oak & Redcurrant Cologne, full size (3.4 oz), sprayed 1x - $100
Penhaligon's Heartless Helen, full size (75ml) in box, used 3x - $160
Ralph Lauren Polo Sport for Women, used as shown - $12

ISO List (Swaps Only, open to samples)

• Imaginary Authors: A City on Fire, Memoirs of a Trespasser, O Unknown, Saint Julep, Whispered Myths
  
• Lalique fragrances: Fleur Universelle, Or Intemporel, Silver, Zamak, and Zinc
  
• Jo Malone fragrances: Bloomsbury (non-floral - Leather & Artemisia, Tobacco & Mandarin, and Whiskey & Cedarwood) and Ginger Biscuit
  
• Marc Jacobs fragrances: Ginger Cocktail
  
• Diptyque fragrances: Eau Lente and Eau Duelle
  
• Ginger / clove forward fragrances in general...if someone has a decant of CB I hate perfume Gingerbread that would be awesome
  
• Zoologist samples (especially interested in Moth, Bee, TRex but open to any).
  
• I'll also look at lists! Favorite notes include tobacco, spices (ginger, cinnamon, clove), honey, leather, and powder. Not into super fresh scents.
  

Hi there, welcome to my post! Feel free to make an offer for anything listed :D
The Boring Stuff: - Items come from a non-smoking home, and are all new / never used unless noted. Used items have photos showing usage. - Prices exclude shipping & insurance, to be calculated to your zip code ($5+).

ISO List

(trades only, not looking to purchase at this time. Will also look at lists!)

• Imaginary Authors: A City on Fire, Memoirs of a Trespasser, O Unknown, Saint Julep, Whispered Myths
  
• Too Faced mini Gingerbread Spice palette
  
• Too Faced mini Salted Caramel palette
  
• Tetris x Ipsy brushes
  
• Christophe Robin Regenerating Hair Mask - FS or multiple minis from beauty boxes
  
• Necromancy Cosmetica lipsticks in Ancient Queen, Lydia, Solis Mortem, or Ophidian
  
• Try me on lip scrubs (new please)
  
• Pat McGrath Subversive palette (also interested in other gold PM items)
  
• Lalique fragrances: Fleur Universelle, Or Intemporel, Silver, Zamak, and Zinc
  
• Jo Malone fragrances: particularly interested in Bloomsbury (non-floral - Leather & Artemisia, Tobacco & Mandarin, and Whiskey & Cedarwood) and Ginger Biscuit, but try me
  
• Zoologist samples
  
• Marc Jacobs fragrances: Ginger Cocktail
  
• Diptyque fragrances: Eau Lente and Eau Duelle
  
• Ginger / clove forward fragrances in general...if someone has a decant of CB I hate perfume Gingerbread that would be awesome
  

Palettes, Kits, and Sets

Anastasia Beverly Hills eyeshadow singles, listed L-R, top then bottom. $25 for the 4 shadows, or priced individually below: - ABH eyeshadow single in Wine, full size, swatched - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Surface of the Sun, full size, swatched - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Chocolate Crumble, full size, new - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Metal, full size, swatched - $8
Benefit Greeting From Cabana Glama DesTANation Makeup Kit, used as shown - $15
Karl Lagerfeld x ModelCo Minaudière with Mini Lip Kit, full size, NIB P - $100 Includes: - Minaudière hard clutch / makeup bag, with attachable (heavy) chain to use as a shoulder bag and dust bag - Full-size Lip Liner in Rosewood (0.05 oz.) - 2 Mini Lip Glosses in Ramatuelle and St Tropez Sunset (0.04 oz. each) - 2 Mini Lipsticks in Kate and Stella (0.05 oz. each)
Flesh Starshine eyeshadow palette, full size, new. Open. Back of palette. - $20
Kat von D Shade + Light eyeshadow palette in Plum, full size, used 2x as shown. Back of palette. - $10
Make Up For Ever MUFE 9 artist shadow palette Volume 4 (shades 100, 842, 240, 620, 806, 536, 126, 546, 530), full size, used 2x as shown. Back of palette. - $25
Smith & Cult Book of Eyes quad palette in Noonsuite (bronzey), full size, NIB - $25
Tarte Be Your Own Tarteist Eye & Cheek Palette, used as shown - $20
Urban Decay Naked Cherry palette, full size, NIB - $40

Eyes

Brows:
Anastasia Beverly Hills ABH Clear Brow Gel, travel size (2.5ml), NIB - $7
ModelCo More Brows in Light / Medium, Full Size - $10
Ulta Brow Tint in Medium, full size, new - $6
Eyeliner:
BareMinerals Lasting Line Long-wearing Eye Liner in Absolute Black, Full Size, New - $10
Beauty For Real I-Line 24-7 Eyeliner in Black Magic, full size, new - $10
Estée Lauder Automatic Eye Pencil Duo Refill in Charcoal, full size, NIB - $10
Lancome Drama Liqui-Pencil in Noir Intense, Travel Size, .018oz - $5
Laura Geller I-Care Waterproof Eyeliner in Charcoal, Full Size - $10
NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Milk (white), full size, new - $3
Sephora Waterproof Contour Eye Pencil in 33 Love Affair (plum), new, travel size (.017oz) - $3
Stila Smudge Stick Waterproof Eyeliner in Stingray (jet black), full size, NIB - $15
Tarte Sex Kitten Eyeliner in Black, travel size (half size, .0035oz), new - $8
Ulta Dual-Ended Liner, in Halo & Black/Brown, Full Size - $3
Victoria's Secret Very Sexy Sparkling Eyeliner in Blacklight, Full Size, cracked cap used 2x - $5
Eyeshadow:
Kat Von D KVD Metal Crush Eyeshadow in Thunderstruck (warm white gold), full size (.1oz), swatched - $12
Laura Geller Baked Marble Eyeshadow in Amethyst, full size, new - $12
Maybelline Expert Wear Eyeshadow in Amethyst Smokes, used 3x - $2
NYC HD Color Trio Eye Shadow in Late Night Latte, Full Size, used 5x - $2
NYX Prismatic Eyeshadow Single in Punk Heart (plum with purple shimmer), full size, used as shown - $3
Trestique Color and Smudge Shadow Crayon in Marimoto Pink Pearl, full size, NIB - $15
Ulta Eye Shadow singles Duo in Petite (light beige matte) and Beauty Junkie (mauve glitter), both full size (.06oz), both new - $8 for the pair
Ulta Eye Shadow Palette in Lace, Charm, Nostalgia, Vintage, Delicate, and Seaside, .21oz, new - $6
Lashes:
Eyelure London Limited Edition Party Lashes in Snow Princess, full size, NIB - $3
Wet n Wild Fantasy Makers Blue Glow in the Dark Lashes, full size, NIB - $2
Mascara:
BellaPierre Volume Lash Waterproof Mascara, full size, new & sealed - $10
Butter London Double Decker Lashes Mascara in Black, travel size (.18oz), NIB - $6
Clinique Chubby Lash Mascara in 01 Jumbo Jet (black), travel size (4ml), NIB - $5
Clinique High Impact Mascara in black, half size (.15oz), new - $10
Clinique Lash Power Flutter-to-Full Mascara in 01 Black Onyx, travel size, new - $8
Estée Lauder Sumptuous Knockout Mascara in 01 Black, travel size (.09oz), new - $10
Julep Length Matters Mascara in Jet Black, travel size (.2oz), NIB - $8
Laura Geller StyleLASH Intense Lengthening Mascara, FS (.33oz), NWOB - $14
Maybelline Great Lash Mascara in Black, travel size (.15oz), new - $2
Pur Big Look Mascara with Argan oil, full size (.12oz), new - $6
Ulta Amped Lashes Mascara in Jet Black, full size, new - $6
Ulta Beauty Maximum Lashes Defining and Lengthening Mascara, full size, new - $6

Lips

Lip Gloss, Balms, & Stains:
ChapStick Lip Butter in Green Tea Mint, full size, NIB - $2
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Lip Therapy, full size (.5oz), new - $8
Jane Iredale SPF 15 Lip Drink Lip Balm in Flirt (sheer pink), full size, NIB - $10
MAC Vamplify Lip Gloss in Suggestive, FS, new - $12
Mally Beans High Shine Lip Gloss in Pilar Bean, DS (.07oz), new - $6
NYC City Proof Extended Wear Lip Gloss in Mauving All Night #458, Full Size - $3
Philosophy High-Gloss Lip Shine in Fresh Cream, full size (.4oz), new and sealed - $6
Pur Chrome Glaze High-Shine Lip Gloss In DIY (pinky nude), full size (0.07 oz), NIB - $10
Ulta Double Duty Lip Stain and Balm in Drama (Dark Red), full size, new - $4
Ulta Double Duty Lip Stain and Balm in Romance (Pink), full size, new - $4
Urban Decay Revolution Lip Gloss in Savage (bright pink), travel size (.05oz), new - $5
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Peppermint, full size, new and sealed - $1
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Pomegranate Orange, full size, new and sealed - $1
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Tangerine, full size, new and sealed - $1
Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush Lip Balm in Minty Kiss, Full Size - $3
Lip Liners & Primers:
Kat Von D Everlasting Lip Liner in Homegirl, full size (.25g), used 2x as shown - $10
Milani Color Statement Lip Liner in 02 True Red, full size, new - $2
Tarte Tarteist Lip Crayon in Thirsty (bright red), .01oz, NIB - $10
Lipstick - Liquid:
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in At Midnight (Fireball Red Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Love Potion (Bronzed Black Metallic Matte), full size (.14oz), new P - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Pillow Talk (Victorian Pink Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Say Hello (Rich Marsala Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in XOXO (Femme Fuchsia Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Laura Geller Lip Silk Liquid Lipstick in French Kiss (soft pink), full size, new - $10
Maybelline Color Sensational Vivid Matte Liquid Lip Color in Nude Flush , Full Size, swatched 1x - $3
NYX Suede Cream Liquid Lipstick in Orange County (bright orange), travel size (.05oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
NYX Suede Cream Liquid Lipstick in Pink Lust (bright pink), travel size (.05oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in Transylvania (deep wine), full size (0.27 oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
OCC Lip Tar in Disintegration (pale plum metallic), full size, NIB - $12
OCC Lip Tar in Hoochie (magenta / purple), full size, NIB - $12
Tarte Lip Sculptor, Lipstick & Lipgloss, in VIP (cool nude), travel size (1.5g lipstick 1ml lipgloss), new - $10
Tarte Tarteist Lip Paint in Bae (red), full size, new - $13
Lipstick - Bullet & Pencil:
Almay Demi-Sheer Creme Lipcolor in 80 Demi Mauve, full size, used 3x as shown - $8
Bite Beauty Luminous Creme Lipstick Topper, no shade listed but a shimmery bronze, full size, new - $18
Bite Beauty High Pigment Pencil in Rhubarb, full size (.09oz), used 1x - $10
Bite Beauty Matte Cream Lipstick in Barberry (cool dark plum), full size, used as shown - $16
DCA Lipstick in No. 108, full size, used 2x as shown - $4
Estée Lauder All-Day Lipstick in Ancient Brick, full size, swatched as shown - $12
Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy Sculpting Lipstick in Irresistible, full size (.12oz), new P - $15
Illamasqua Glamour Lipstick in Tease (pale Nude), full size, used 3x - $12
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Homegirl (satin matte berry), travel size (.04oz), used as shown - $6
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Poe (cool metallic blue), full size, NIB - $12
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Roxy (purple), mini size (1g), used 1x as shown - $6
Korres Matte Twist Lipstick in Tempting Coral, full size (.05oz), new - $10
Lancome Rouge Absolu Lipstick in Rose Espace, full size, used 3x as shown - $12
Laura Geller Color Brilliance Lustrous Lipstick in Cute, full size, new - $12
Laura Geller Italian Marble lipstick in Strawberry Toffee, full size, new - $12
MAC Retro Matte Lipstick in Flat Out Fabulous (bright pink/purple), full size, new - $12
Makeup Academy Lipstick in Persian Rose (bright pink), full size, used 1x - $3
Makeup Revolution Scandalous Lipstick in Depraved (violet), full size, used 1x - $3
NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in 413 BLKR (fuchsia), full size (.08oz), new - $16
NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Let's Go Crazy (cool fuchsia), 3/4 size (1.8g, FS is 2.4g), new - $10
Nudestix Magnetic Matte Lip Color in Greystone (greige), .088oz (FS is .1oz), new - $12
NYC Lipstick in Fragile Pink, Full Size - used as shown - $2
NYC Ultra Moist Lip Wear in Blossom #316, Full Size, Used 2x - $2
NYC Ultra Moist Lip Wear in Ruby #305, Full Size, Used 2x - $2
Sephora Collection Rouge Cream in #49 Belly-Dancing (red), mini (.03oz, FS is .14) - $2
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Inspiration (cool fuchsia), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Legendary (cool red), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Tabloid (cool violet), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Ulta Lipstick in Cherry Picked 202 (medium true red), Full Size, Used 1x - $4
Urban Decay x Gwen Stefani lipstick in Spiderweb (satin red cream), full size, NIB - $12
Urban Decay Matte Revolution Lipstick in Temper (red-orange), full size, NIB - $12
Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Phone Call (bright pink with cream finish), full size, NIB - $10
Wander Beauty Wanderout Dual Lipstick in Wanderberry (rich burgundy), half size (.07oz), new - $10
Winky Lux Matte Lip Velour in Royal (purple), .14oz, NIB - $10

Face

Blush:
Lancome Blush Subtil in in Rose Fresque, full size (.18oz), used as shown - $12
Ulta Cheek Palette in Fresh Glow Highlighter and Nude Pink Blush, .155oz, new - $5
Bronzer & Contour:
BareMinerals BareSkin Serum Bronzer in Sheer Sun, Travel Size (.1oz) - $3
St. Tropez One Night Only Finishing Gloss, travel size (.16oz), new - $2
Foundations, Concealers, CC Cream, & Powders:
Bee Naturals Tinted Moisturizer in Shade 2 (Medium/Dark), Full Size (1oz) - 1/$15 or 2/$20
Benefit Porefessional Pore Minimizing Makeup in Shade 1, travel size (.16oz), new - $10
Dermablend Loose Setting Powder, travel size (.11oz), new - $10
Jane Iredale Smooth Affair, travel size (.24oz), new - $8
Julep Cushion Complexion concealer 5-in-1 Skin Perfector with Turmeric in 200 Nude, full size, NIB - $18
Laura Geller Balance-N-Brighten Baked Foundation in Medium, full size, new - $15
Laura Mercier Translucent Loose Setting Powder, travel size (.12oz), new - $6
Pixi by Petra Beauty Bronzer in Summertime, Travel Size, .16oz - $4
Highlighters:
Laura Geller Baked Gelato Lace Illuminator in Ballerina, full size, new - $15
Laura Geller Baked Golden Rose Highlighter, full size, new - $12
P/Y/T Upgrade Highlighter in Backstage Pass (warm shimmer nude), .07oz, NIP - $8
Primers & Setting Sprays:
Becca First Light Priming Filter, travel size (.2oz), NIB - $7
Japonesque Velvet Touch Primer, travel size (.3oz), new - $8
Laura Geller Spackle Even Tone Primer, travel size (.5oz), new - $6
Pur Correcting Primer, travel size (.3oz), new - $10
Too Faced Hangover 3-in-1 Face Primer & Setting Spray, travel size (.06oz), NIB - $4
Too Faced Hangover Replenishing Face Primer, travel size (.16oz), NIB - $4
Urban Decay All Nighter Long Lasting Makeup Spray, travel size (.5oz), new - $6

Skincare & Body

BareMinerals Skinlongevity Vital Power Infusion, full size (1.7oz), new - $35
Bliss Leave it to Cleavage, Travel Size, .5oz - $4
Bliss Triple Oxygen Instant Energizing Foaming Mask, new, travel size (.16oz) - $3
Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel, new, Travel Size (.5oz) - $4
Clinique 7 Day Scrub Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $5
Daily Concepts Exfoliating Body Scrubber - $5
Elizabeth Arden Prevage Daily Anti-Aging Serum, Travel Size, .17oz - $8
Erborian Bamboo Creme Frappe Skin Reviving Gel, new, travel size (.17oz) - $4
Estée Lauder Advanced Night Micro Cleansing Foam, travel size (1oz), new - $6
Estée Lauder Revitalizing Supreme+ Global Anti-Aging Cell Power Creme, .5oz, new - $15
First Aid Beauty FAB Facial Radiance Intensive Peel, travel size (.34oz), new - $6
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $6
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Cream Intense Hydration in Honeysuckle, travel size (1oz), new - $6
First Botany Cosmeceuticals 50X Strength Hyaluronic Acid Serum, .5oz, new - $8
MAC Cleanse Off Oil, travel size (.2oz), new - $4
Milk Makeup Sunshine Oil, Sample, .1oz - $2
Murad Age Reform Nutrient-Charged Water Gel, travel size (.25oz), NIB - $10
Omorovicza Budapest Magic Moisture Mist, full size (1.7oz), NIB - $65
Omorovicza Balancing Moisturizer, full size (30ml), new - $50
Perricone MD Blue Plasma Cleansing Treatment (gentle cleanser), travel size (2oz), new - $18
Perricone MD Cold Plasma Plus + Eye Cream, travel size (.25oz), new - $30
Proactiv Skin Purifying Mask, travel size (1oz), NIB - $10
Shiseido Ultimune Power Infusing Concentrate, travel size (.33oz), new - $15
Strivectin TL Advanced Light Tightening Neck Cream, travel size (.25oz), NIB - $10
Toulon Mineral Infusion Serum-92, 1oz - $6
Whish Self-Tanner, Travel Size (.75oz) - $2

Hair / Tools / Nail Polish / Etc

Alterna Haircare Caviar Anti-Aging Miracle Volume Mist, travel size (1.4oz), new - $6
Bumble & Bumble BB Pret-a-Powder, travel size (.5oz), used 1x - $8
Essie Nail Lacquer in Say it Aint Soho (metallic copper), full size, new - $5
Fatboy Spray Putty, full size (4.8oz), new - $15
Julep Color Treat Polish in It Girl Lillian (pink creme), full size, new - $8
Living Proof TBD Multi-Tasking Styler, travel size (1oz), new - $7
OPI Nail Lacquer in Can i Bairro This Shade (dusty teal), full size, new - $5
OPI Nail Lacquer in The Taupe of the Iceberg, full size, new - $5
Phyto Paris Phytoelixir Cleansing Care Hair Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $8
Phyto Paris Intense Hydrating Brilliance Mask (Dry Hair Phytojoba), 1.7oz, NIB - $8
Matrix Total Results Miracle Creator Multi-Tasking Treatment, travel size (1oz), new - $3
Urban Decay Heavy Metal loose glitter in Reverb (blue), full size (.10oz), NIB - $10

Fragrance

Full Size
Aromachology Exotic & Spicy EDP, full size (1.7oz), used 1x - $40
Jo Malone English Oak & Redcurrant Cologne, full size (3.4 oz), sprayed 1x - $100
Penhaligon's Heartless Helen, full size (75ml) in box, used 3x - $160
Ralph Lauren Polo Sport for Women, used as shown - $12
Travel Size
Armani Air di Gioia EDP, travel size spray (.5oz - bigger than a rollerball), NIB - $20
Armani Sky di Gioia EDP, travel size spray bottle (.5oz - bigger than a rollerball), NIB - $20
Bvlgari Au The Rouge EDC, travel size (.17oz), used 2x - $10
Candie's Candie's EDT, travel size (.5oz), about 60% remaining - $5
Lush All Good Things solid perfume, travel size (12g), used 1x as shown - $15
Origins Ginger Essence Sensuous Skin Scent, travel size (.5 oz), used as shown (about 80% remaining) - $12
Philosophy Pure Grace EDT spray, travel size (.5oz), NIB - $15
Samples 3/$5
Atelier Cologne Vanilla Insensée Cologne Absolue, sample size + postcard, new - $3
Burberry Mr. Burberry EDT, sample size (2ml), new - $2
Calvin Klein Eternity for Men EDT, sample size (1.2ml), new - $2
Clean for Men Classic EDT, sample size (1ml), new - $2
Versace Eros EDT, sample size (1ml), new - $2
Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb EDT, sample size (1.2ml), new - $2.

I got married Saturday. I'm not ready to do a full recap etc but just thought I would share something that may help lessen some stress for those still planning. My two biggest worries were I was gonna be a hot mess walking down the aisle (I am an ugly ugly crier) and I was. And in trying so hard to not cry I ended up cracking up the whole way and looked like a maniac and there is no way I will like ant of the photos of that part of our day. My biggest fear was the food wasn't going to be as good as it was at the tasting. And it definitely wasn't. The noodles weren't fully cooked, the bread was super dry, the beef was also not cooked enough, they didn't replace desserts as they ran out so people didn't all get any and we came home with more than enough to feed all the guests three times over.
But even with my two biggest issues happening, I have never been happier. People enjoyed themselves. It was beautiful. And so many great memories were made.
And if you're considering cocktail hour alpacas for a photo op- DO IT. They were such a huge hit!

Before I start, this story is long, and I'll repeat myself a lot; my first goal is to get what's inside me out and vent, so please be patient and if you respond be respectful, please.
I (29M) came out of the closet about two years ago, but living in the environment I live in, I couldn't be as open as I would have liked until recently. During that time, I lost a lot of weight and gained confidence in myself, which made it easier for me to open up to the world that interested me. I'm not someone with much experience when it comes to sex, but I've had my adventures, mostly with women, but once I accepted who I am, my experiences shifted towards men. In recent years, I've had fleeting relationships and two relationships that lasted more than four months, but in recent months, I've been puzzled by a situation I've had to live through, and that's why I'm writing this here, to see if the perspective of strangers helps me clarify my thoughts a bit.
I don't consider myself ugly; I can even be attractive, both physically and in personality, but insecurities have affected me since I was very young. This story begins in September of last year when I started working at a new company. The workgroup consists of about 30 colleagues, some of whom I knew from before. But the story focuses on a guy (32M), let's call him Stephen. I must mention that he didn't attract me at first; he's not my physical type. But around November, as I got to know him, I was attracted to his personality, which surprised me because I'm usually a very superficial person (I know I need to work on that), and it's not very common for me to be attracted to someone because of their personality.
Over time, I formed a very close group of friends, who told each other everything that happened in our daily lives, so it was only a matter of time before I mentioned to them that I was attracted to Stephen. The three colleagues, Anna (37F), Violet (36F), and Lily (20F), were happy for me and told me that the interest seemed mutual because they thought the guy was getting very close to me. I liked that because I had already noticed that the jokes or comments I made to him received the same response, or at least he played along.
We reached December, we organized a dinner with some colleagues, and both he and I attended. By then, my colleagues had been pressuring me a lot to tell him something, but since we only had a relationship at work, I didn't dare to take the step; it didn't seem right to me. I also mentioned my situation to my friends, who could give me another point of view, but they all told me that not seeing the relationship we had made it difficult for them to evaluate it. I must mention that all this was happening while I was seeing another guy, John (27M), in a stable relationship for 6 months.
At the dinner and at the after-party, Stephen didn't leave my side. If I went out to smoke, he came out with me even though he doesn't smoke; if I had a drink, he accompanied me to the bar. My colleagues were ecstatic because they saw that this was the night something was going to happen. Well, it didn't. Between my relationship with John and the nerves of the moment, I didn't dare to do anything. But I already saw clearly that with those ideas in my head, the relationship with John was unfeasible; he was no longer my priority. We broke up during the following week.
I was already going all out for Stephen; I was attracted to his personality, to what he could offer me in a relationship. The week before Christmas arrived. We had a one-week break from work, and I didn't want to leave with doubts on vacation. On Tuesday of that week, I went to talk to him about the subject, determined, but when I started talking, I saw that we weren't alone, and I didn't dare to continue. I didn't dare again until Friday; he insisted that I finish saying what I had to tell him, which excited me even more because in my head, what I wanted to tell him seemed obvious.
Friday came, the last day for me to tell him something. When there was an hour left to finish the workday, I saw that we were alone, and I approached him. I was very nervous, I even stuttered, but I practically told him that I found him a very interesting guy and that I would like to get to know him outside of work, to which he responded that he was flattered but that he was not homosexual. It crushed me. I tried to disguise it by saying that he had become a very important support at work and that I wouldn't want this to ruin that relationship; he accepted it.
I left there as quickly as possible, holding back tears as best I could (yes, very teenage everything). I met up with my colleagues and told them what had happened. They supported me, but they kept saying that they didn't believe Stephen, that the relationship we had wasn't just friendship. I didn't give importance to that; at that moment I just wanted to forget what had happened. It was one of the toughest Christmases I've ever had. My family didn't know anything, my friends outside of work didn't understand it, and my work colleagues kept insisting that I needed to clarify things even more with him. My head was spinning.
I decided that I was going to fulfill what I said to Stephen, that the work relationship would continue as it had until that moment. The first week was weird and tough, I won't deny it, but I handled it quite well. I insisted that my colleagues avoid the subject, but it was impossible not to see the looks every time Stephen and I talked. Over time, we've returned to jokes, and although there's attraction on my part, I've come to understand that nothing will ever happen between us. Or so I thought. The last month I've had abrupt changes in my life. My grandmother died, I started dating Parker (33M), I got promoted at work, and I moved out on my own. It's important to mention, I think, that Stephen was my superior, and now, with the promotion, he's my immediate superior, I have to answer to him. So we spend much more time together, and we've come to know each other more intimately. I know about his problems with family, his friends, his plans for the weekend... But he never talks to me about relationships. We have a colleague who lives in the same city as Stephen, who has known him for years, and my colleagues, being the gossips they are, interrogated her about Stephen, and she managed to find out that he has never had a known relationship, nor has he had relationships with anyone, which surprised us all because, even though he's not my type, he's an athletic and quite attractive man.
Meanwhile, physical contact has emerged; he touches my shoulder when speaking, he hugs me when greeting me in the mornings... That was what I was missing. Just when I was rebuilding my life after the Christmas fiasco, to doubt again because of physical contact, once more when I was in a relationship that seemed perfect on the surface. More doubts on the subject. I had been with Parker for three months; I met him at a party with friends, in early February, falling back into the same old mistakes, focusing on the physical and then on the personality, luckily we were compatible, until feelings for Stephen surfaced again. The relationship faded, literally, no sex, no affection, no compatibility. My work colleagues didn't accept Parker, they were still insisting on Stephen. We come to yesterday, I broke up with Parker last week, and I really felt bad because it seemed to me that I was making the same mistakes as with John, obsessing over a relationship that didn't exist, that I had already received rejection for. But I moved to my new house, perfect for me, and liked by everyone, even Stephen. Today I received the comment that led me to speak here. I have organized a dinner next weekend at my house, Stephen is coming, he has asked to stay the night, I only have one bed, he has said we will share with a wink. I got excited, but I don't want to. I couldn't bear another fiasco. My work colleagues are already on cloud nine.
So I ask, do I have reasons to be excited?

• They start out by talking about how they are similar people, they both say what they are thinking and present their very real selves online which causes a lot of backlash
• KB asks what Maria was doing prior to being on the Bach?
• Maria worked for her families sprinkle company, they make sprinkles like the toppings lol Maria's Dad owned a chocolate factory prior so now they do this and Maria was his assistant
• KB asks Maria what made her nervous about doing their interview?
• Maria says that she was always a fan of KB and "wanted to be a Kaitlyn" if she went on the show. She was nervous about the interview because they are already comfy with one another so she wasn't sure what she was going to say.
• Maria tells KB that she actually went to one of her wine events a while ago and they met and took a shot together, KB says she remembers but also didn't remember lol
• Maria went on the show wanting to be different, be herself fully and push the limits

Maria's Storyline/Edit on the show

• KB says she didn't watch the season but that it really blew up and it seems like the show is fully back
• KB asks Maria if she thinks the drama on the show was portrayed accurately?
• Maria says she felt like the edit was very true to how it all happened. She said some girls claim they got bad edits but from her perspective it was a very honest edit
• Maria said that she didn't have anyone in the house coming to her defense but that she had also told the girls she was close with that they should just stay out of it and not come to her defense. The audience really had her back which was a nice feeling
• Maria says KB walked so she could run, feels like KB was very different on the show from the "norm" and opened the door for less perfect women to be on
• Maria asks KB if she has brothers?
• KB says she has a sister that feels like a brother. Says her and her sister both have dude energy "alpha energy", Maria says she does too. KB says she has girlfriends but loves guy energy

Talking about Maria wanting to go on the show

• KB brings up how Maria has stated she wanted to go on the show and that others say it's the wrong reasons. KB says she went on the show to build a brand/career and move forward in life. She doesn't think it's a bad thing, she went on to build a brand and also was open to falling in love
• KB asks about Marias thoughts on that?
• Maria says she has been open and honest about how she has always wanted to be on the show. She says people were responding well to that because she was honest about it. She wasn't asked to be on, she was asking what to do to get on
• Maria mentions Nick saying that she kept asking him to get her on the show. She says no, she did this all on her own. She says he put it out there like it was a dig but she had already been open about wanting to be on the show so she felt it didn't land
• Maria loved the show and was so open to it and felt the timing was perfect when she did go on because she felt ready for it
• As soon as she found out it was Joey, Maria contacted a producer she had been in contact with prior asking her to put her in the running to be on the season. 3 days prior to filming starting they called her and told her to pack and get ready to go
• Maria says every person on the show knows what they are doing and they want to be on the show, Maria is just one of the only people being honest about that

Jenn as Bachelorette

• Maria says she wants to clarify what she said about Jenn on another podcast. Jenn and Maria got really close after the show they were facetiming all the time and talking about wanting to be in relationships and how ready they were for that.
• Maria says during filming Jenn was giving it her all, dropping all walls and putting her full self into this
• Maria says Jenn was so ready to get engaged and get to the next stage of her life, and that is all she meant by what she said is that she is ready for that role
• She wasn't saying that Jenn was in the house talking about wanting to be bachelorette
• Maria says she wasn't super present on social media when the announcement was made because she wanted to make sure Jenn got love and support, all she wanted was for Jenn to get her chance
• She says Nick tried to make it seem like Maria said Jenn only got the opportunity because Maria turned it down but that she didn't mean it like that at all, she says it is Jenns opportunity and it was given to her
• KB says Nick knows that there is usually 4-5 people they will think about for the lead
• Maria asks if they can talk about Rob Mills, Maria says he is the coolest man on earth and KB says she loves him
• Maria says she told Rob Mills that Jenn is perfect for the lead because not only is she so ready for this she will also be important for representation. She is frustrated that her words got twisted into it seeming like she wasn't supportive of Jenn because all she wants is for Jenn to be successful. She wants to be able to share her story and how it unfolded for her while also being fully supportive of Jenn

Maria being offered the bachelorette/KBs time on the bachelor

• KB asks Maria if she regrets turning down bachelorette?
• Maria says no, she put her mental health first and wasn't ready for it and stands by her decision
• KB says she never thought they would pick her for bachelorette, Maria says she thought KB always had it in the bag
• KB says she was probs the most confident in her life when she was on the show and has gone backwards now
• KB says after her breakup with Shawn she said she would never date someone from the franchise again but obviously that wasn't true. She says they are all so attractive and also understand what the experience is like and what they have been through

Random off show stuff/One Direction???

• KB says she was in an athlete era and Maria asks if she was a "puck bunny" and they joke about it for a little while
• Maria is talking about how she would go downtown and go to concerts and meet people/go to after parties with them. What she has always said and done is to never sleep with them, "you want to hang out with them, become friends with them and be the girl they could never get"
• Maria is talking about knowing people (in bands? i don't know this lore sorry), and there was someone on tiktok telling false stories of her Dad being in a band and that's how she knows certain band members but that it's not true
• Maria says (I am going to fully translate this because I am a little lost and confused on the point): "The reality of it is that when you meet people you know, they know people who know people and then you just need to be the girl that never gets touched by these people so that they allow you to be around. And so I've been around them yes, yes. Have I hung around with certain band mates? Sure."
• KB asks which ones, Harry?
• Maria says she has met Harry and has a really funny story with Harry. Her Dad had a meeting in NY so she went with him, her friends told her that 1D was in NY staying at a specific hotel so she talked her Dad into staying at that hotel. Maria says she was walking to the elevators in the hotel and a bunch of fan girls were there screaming because Harry was going into the elevator, the security blocks anyone from going up but Maria had to pee and was a paying customer at the hotel so she gave them the finger and Harry laughed a ton. The security guard came back down and told Maria that Harry thought it was the funniest thing ever and wanted to meet her, so she got to meet Harry later that night. It was a very respectful and sweet meeting.
• Maria talks about being super into Evan Peters

Would Maria date someone in BN?

• Maria met Tyler at stagecoach (among other celebs) she says everyone wants them together but it isn't like that, nothing going on with that
• Maria doesn't think she would date anyone in BN because people (fans) take it to next level, even if she just takes a photo with someone to be nice people run with it
• KB mentions that when Maria took a photo with Jason she got so many DMs from people saying that Maria looked too comfy with Jason
• KB says that everyone asks her if she is gay now because she takes photos with Katie from VPR
• Maria says that a lot of people are calling her a bisexual queen, and she just lets people say whatever at this point

What is a period of Marias life where she was at rock bottom or experienced a lot of growth

• Maria says she had gotten into a really bad car accident in 2018 that was extremely traumatic
• She went into a really bad depressive episode where she was pushing everyone away, she doesn't like to talk about it a lot because it puts her back in that space
• She says the mindset she was in was something she had never experienced before and she wanted to be alone
• Maria says she walked away from the car accident perfectly fine but looking at her car you would think she most likely died
• This is part of the reason she didn't want to entertain the little petty fights in the bachelor house because there are much bigger things to be worried about in life

Nick

• KB asks how Maria knew/met Nick?
• Maria and her friends were fans of the show and liked Nick. They started talking through social media and would literally talk all the time, and would build a friendship
• KB says she did that too with him, and asks if her and Maria ever met in person?
• Maria says yes they met in person, he had told her when he was going to be the bachelor etc
• They would always communicate/found their way back to communicating and it was always friendly
• KB asks if Nick played a role in Maria being on the show?
• Maria says absolutely not
• KB asks how Maria feels about Nicks wife calling her delusional
• Maria says "to each their own". Maria says she made a comment about a conspiracy theory she had, she meant it as a full joke. Nick had told her she would be a villain on the show and she wasn't sure what it meant to be a villain. Then she gets off the show and had a girl villainize her an entire season for no reason, and then she saw a photo of them together and made a joke about how it was weird they knew each other. She wasn't being serious and she was just shooting the shit on CHD and making jokes, but Nick super ran with it.
• KB asks if something went south in Maria's relationship with Nick? If it was all fine why does he seem to want to talk shit with her.
• Maria says that is a good question, she said nice things about Nick on CHD they didn't have any sort of falling out prior they had stopped talking but just because it was natural not because anything happened between them. He didn't say anything bad about her during the season (KB interjects that Nick didn't say anything about her at all). Maria says that she would prefer him to breeze past her then talk shit about her so she was fine with it, but then after the CHD interview it all changed.
• Maria says she didn't know the timeline of his wedding, nothing she said was because he was getting married or anything like that
• Maria said her only goal was to clear up rumors and put that all to rest, she had nothing to hide, she wasn't the one that went through and unliked a bunch of instagram photos which caused the rumors
• Maria says to quote Kendrick Lamar "don't tell lies about me and I won't tell truths about you"

I (27 F) was taught by my older sister to play rape with her when we were kids. I think I was 5-7 years old and she was 8-10 years old. She would call it "R-A-P-E" as I didn't know how to spell yet, and would have me roll up my pajamas and shirt to seem to dress provocatively. She would then roleplay different scenarios as if I'm walking down the street from the store and she would pretend to jump out from an alley to pin me down. I remember her specifically asking me to "put up a fight". I don't exactly remember what she does after she pins me down and pretends to kiss my neck. I just remember being scolded at to not roll my clothes back down or whenever I don't "react properly". One day, I intentionally went downstairs while my parents were watching the tv while I had my clothes rolled up. I didn't know why I did that but that's how my parents knew we were playing a sick game. "We're playing R-A-P-E" I answered, when my dad asked me why my clothes were rolled up like that. He then went up to explain to my sister why that was wrong and that we should never do that again. It wasn't treated as a big deal though. It just became a running joke in the family until I grew up.
Looking back, I remember I had photos of me dancing seductively as a child and pulling my tank top strap down and my family laughed at me with pure joy. I remember neighbors and my mom's guy friends jokingly smacking my butt because I've always had a huge butt eversince. I remember old men asking me to sit on their laps while they would bounce me up and down or have me pick up shells and when I bend over, apparently exposing my undies, they would laugh and I would run.
In college, my uncle (mom's brother), ran his hands on my inner thighs, poked his elbow & hand at my side boob while we were in a packed family car. (We were not close. We were never close. We don't even hug) During a reunion, he grabbed my boob when we were posing for a family photo and when I looked at him, he just grinned like nothing happened. He would sometimes be touchy even when were not close or give compliments about my body. I told my mom about it, but that's for a different story.
Today, I look at who I am sexually. I remember masturbating with a faucet as young as 10 or 12 even when I didn't know what I was doing. I would run to the bathroom when a rape scene plays on TV thinking I need to pee only to realize now that I was wet. I was introduced by my sister to anonymous chat forums at 13 where I was sexually manipulated and was exposed to stuff about sex. I played kissing games in Y8 that led to explicit cartoon sex games. I got addicted to meeting strangers on Omegle doing you know what.
Today, I am almost always horny watching only rape and forced/groping porn content. I had SA experiences that were equally traumatic and a huge turn on for me. As a woman who advocates strongly against SA on men and women, my story is very embarassing for me.
I wonder if what my sister did to me played a huge part on who I am today sexually. As a child, I never knew if it was wrong. But as an adult, everything about my preferences feels wrong. I can't even tell which is SA and which is not.

I don't want to go back into my anorexia but I miss it so much. I miss being flat and small. I miss people believing me when I told them I had a problem around food. I miss feeling cared about. I miss feeling not as ugly.
I hate my body now I can't stand how I look in picures. People say "it wasn't any better when you were anorexic" but it was? It's not true for most people maybe but I liked my body when I was anorexic. I had bad days but I could stand to look at myself in photos. I don't miss feeling hungry all the time or missing out on celebrations and stuff and people say list the pros and cons but god I can't. The pros outweigh the cons right now. My body looks bad, my stomach now overhangs my legs, not like an overweight amount but like a mum bod around and I am NOT a mother I'm 21. I figure skate and everyone at the rink talks about enjoying food but they're all smaller than me?? How?
My mum says my body is holding on to weight because it's scared of me being anorexic again but we've been saying that for like a year now. When does my body drop the weight or does that not happen ever? When do I feel GOOD about myself? I dont even eat lunch yet but I have unlimited breakfast and dinner and sometimes a sweet treat. I drink a mocha (1 tspn coffee, 3 tspn cadbury hot choc) and I'm wondering is THAT the cause of me piling on weight and looking bad? Is it my hypothyroidism even though its supposed to be controlled?? Is it the recovery snack I eat after figure skating? What's wrong with me?
I was promised a happy fulfilled life when I recovered and this isnt it. This isnt what I was promised! Im angry and upset and feel like people lied to me! I want to go back but I don't know if I can even if I want to. I hate everyone who did this to me.

I’ve always hated how cotton underwear wasn’t sexy. Everytime I was advised to not wear the cute lacy things or the comfy seam free underwear I’d feel like I was giving up on being a pretty feminine person. But honestly I bought a multipack of UGLY cotton panties. And I hate to admit I feel so comfortable. Sweat does not stay on your skin, I feel fresh and tbh healthy down there is sexier than a decorated down there.
Bonus tip, if you wear lacy things for the day and change into cotton at night, your bits can breathe over night.
I’ve learned the hard way through multiple UTIs.

My story is a bit long so bare w me, I met a girl through a mutual friend at an event we talked and exchanged ig accounts, I honestly thought she was just being nice cause she’s too cute and way out of my league, I didnt give it much thought at the time, a few days later she hit me up and we talked for a little, I also didnt give it much thought, and she texted me again saying why I didnt text her, I told her I was busy (in reality i was still not sure) anyways we hit it off quite well and we talked almost daily for hours, but the thing is after that she started being distant, i was always texting her first and she would reply the next day really coldly, ik shes a busy person with her work and I tried to respect that and give her the space she needed, but that kept happening, naturally I assumed she lost interest (even though the last time we had an actual conversation she kept throwing hints abt how she wants a real commitment which i was ready for and actually responded positively to), anyways I left her for a few days but she texted me asking why I dont text her, I told her I was traveling (I really was) and that was it, then I changed my pfp, and after that by like an hour or so she sent me a message saying how I look gd in the photo etc.. (so ik shes either looking me up or opening her dms cause i dont post stories) Its been like 8 days since we last talked and honestly I lost interest in her, my question is that why did it happen? Was she just seeking attention? I genuinely can’t understand women. Edit: you guys wont believe it, she just sent me a message asking where have I been

I am a gamer love to play games , but past few years women and woke nation were complain about having beautiful woman in games , they been complaining because they feel insecure about their body , because if the character in the game are prettier than them they feel insecure and frustrated, they don’t like the competition , they don’t complain about the game they dislike the woman

character in the game , so those group of insecure women they complain in the game industries made those company change the woman character and made the game woke to satisfied there self , so when they release a game with ugly woman they feel better , so until now those company when they didn’t learn their lesson until now and those frustrate women most of them they even play the game they complain about , they only want to see ugly women and woke game so in a part is there fault if the game industry are dying slowly because they are listening those woke nation and frustrated women who are insecure with them self .

So I'm in month four of my transition and my life as a trans femme person and I'm currently using hrt. My partner last night told me my breast are getting big and made a face of uncomfortableness. It kinda bothered me a bit too because the night before we had s.e.x. and obviously she enjoyed them. I had a really crap day that day anyway so I was feeling really unwanted and ugly. I had on some running shorts and a t shirt so I took a walk. So many cars passed and looked at me. I felt a tinge of shame. but I also felt like it didn't matter. I normally don't go out presenting femme to protect her reputation. This walk felt like a bit of a betrayal. I didn't think that far until I was walking and realized I was wearing womens running shorts. IDC personally, I'm out. And there are plenty of cis men who wear tiny shorts all the time. But there is still a part of me that wants to protect my partner from hurt and pain and embarrassment. The walk did help me process my feelings, but also made me realize that I am really changing and that's such an amazing thing for me, but also kind of scary still. My old life is about to go away, I don't know what the new one will look like. I'm anxious.

We have talked online for a long time with this guy cause we are living far from each other. We have seen each others photos and now we are planning to meet for a first time. And as much as I am excited I am super nervous too.
I see every flaw in my body and some things which do not match to what he likes. And it's fine, he might not ditch me because of all them but I still feel embarrassed.
I honestly want to go do some procedures to get some of the things fixed. For instance I hate so called "love handles", my boobs because of age (33years) and weight loss got loose and are visibly different size. ;dd I don't even know, were they always that different or losing weight made it worse...
Unfortunately I can't do much about my butt. Which is not found and he is super into it. And I can't walk by other women now in the street who have round popping booties without feeling jealous and sad. :(( I have started exercising some time ago but of course there is not difference yet and I imagine even if it will be, it will be very little...
There are many more things I'm worried and dislike. And not sure what am I exactly looking for. Suggestions? Some consolation? Similar experiences? I guess anything could help. ;d

I ask the women of reddit to help a fellow guy.
There is a girl[18f]who I[18M] have a crush on, I have been talking with her on and off since last july, we started talking after i gave her the photos i clicked of her in a school event and we have been talking ever since. Sometimes the conversation would be drier than the saharan desert and sometimes it would be so fulfilling, we would talk for hours on end and I wouldnt even realise that it was morning,(She is nocturnal). I am not too good looking but many people have told me that I have good jokes(yes i know i sound like a narcissist), I cant figure it out whether she likes me/ likes to talk to me or is just talking to me so I dont feel bad. Recently she ghosted me for around a month and just replied to my 3 "Hi"s i sent just now, with the last message being how hurt i was that she ghosted me, she apologised and said that it was not her intention and she had deleted telegram(the only app where we talk) due to exams. Which was true since she does have CUETs.I am at a point where i am unsure of the situation I am currently in, please help a brother out. (Jo bhi help karega usko meri taraf se ek melody)

I bought a camera, so now I’m a professional boudoir photographer, but I need to know what film will be best for underexposed photos of nude women between the ages of 18 and 22?

I hate the majority of people

Experienced too many betrayals. When you see even women be friends with and swear by the sadistic shit who sexually assaulted you multiple times and manipulated and gaslit and verbally abused you, so many lies while outwardly he seems like such a kind, sweet gentle person.
I see his now ex of like 10 months still has a photo of him on her instagram. She never saw the real him. Cause I’d told her and she told me she didn’t believe me and he never spoke or acted like that with her probably just to further paint me as a liar. She acted like it didn’t matter as long as it wasn‘t her.
So many pieces of shit disguised as kind, loving normal people.
I have almost no one too. Yet people like that shit have a loving family and friends.

My mother is turning 75 and I’m looking for a book about Manhattan career women in the 60s/70s. My mom was a badass who rose to being very well respected by the men and they called her the boss even though she wasn’t the boss lol. She definitely romanticizes this era and I’d love to be able to give her a book or a coffee table top photo book that captures the spirit of the times. Any suggestions?