Music man costume ideas

I (35F) and my fiance (46M) just got engaged two days ago.
**Backstory: we have been together for 12 years. We have raised eachother's kids together. I call him my husband instead of boyfriend when I introduce him to people because boyfriend is such a lowly term to describe what we have been through. For the first about 5 years of our relationship, it was really toxic, we broke up for a couple months and my kids and I moved to another city. We got back together and changed so much to be better and are a very strong couple. Just giving you context of why he didn't propose in first few years as is pretty standard. We have been wanting to get engaged for years, didn't have the money to actually have a wedding and all that until the last year or so when I got a really good job.
For more context, on our 10th anniversary in Miami, I cried at the end because I really thought he would propose there, he could have chosen any pretty area really. When I finally said something to him, he said he felt terrible because he thought my expectations were so high that I would have to go to Italy or Paris for a proposal (lmao I have never close to indicated that). I laughed because there would never be a time we would do that until after our high school aged kids graduate, so that was really crazy he even thought that was a good idea or timeline. I told him all I care about is that he put EFFORT into it, that it is special and meaningful. In my brain, it was obvious, on the waterfront where we met by our house would be a great easy and free idea.
This last weekend was our 12th anniversary. I had hopes I guess but I'm so used to it not happening that I really did not think he was going to propose. More backstory: he is not a planner whatsoever. He is content living the same life and doing nothing more, no major goals, no aspirations, he does NOT plan or surprise or spearhead anything, I do it all. He is a good, stable, and caring man but I do have already built resentment that he #1 had taken 12 years to propose and #2, he just never does anything unless I hold his hand through exactly what to do. I lead everything and this was the one thing that he had to do on his own. Also, we were at the mall about 8 months ago and looked at rings, I showed him the very simple ring, the saleswoman wrote everything down for him.
The Proposal We had planned that Saturday night in Vegas we would go out for our anniversary dinner. But of course the planning was left to me. I chose Alexxa's at the bottom of the eiffel tower, on the terrace, directly looking at the Bellagio fountains. After dinner, we went in the casino. I was like hey look, you can go up to the viewing deck, then I was like oh nvm you have to buy a ticket and everything. We walked back to the hotel, he wanted to get froyo so we got that and went back to the hotel. As I am about to sit down to eat my froyo, bro says "I've been trying to do this all day" or something like that and then says will you marry me, and gives me the ring. Of course I said yes but I said a lot of "you're messing with me" at first because I thought it was a joke until I saw the ring.
It took everything within me that night to not cry and not ruin the one engagement night I will ever have. Since then, I have been filled with sadness, resentment and it's just triggering me a lot about things I already get upset about in our relationship like how I'm always disappointed if he doesn't do something or does it badly IMO. I've told him very nicely about all of this and he feels terrible. I don't want to be mean to him, I know he was nervous but he planned NOTHING. He told me that his "driving force was the element of surprise". Girl what? So he chose to wing it in order for me to be surprised after 12 years rather than put thought, effort and planning to do something special or sentimental. Would have been nice to have at least a single picture as well but whatever. I think this is hitting me so hard because it's such an indication of a bigger problem that I already feel. I'm not ever going to leave him over it but I don't know how to stop resenting him for this. How did he go from "Paris or Italy" to hotel room? Lol. Also, my ring is nothing like we discussed. Beautiful ring but it's falling off my finger, the setting for the center stone is about 3/4 inch high for what reason I have no idea so it just adds to how I already feel, can this man do anything without me?
Tldr; we've been together for 12 years, he proposed in a hotel room with not an ounce of planning. How do I stop resenting him and move forward?

I’m a film student and in a few days I have a rehearsal with two actress for my short film.
I come from a music background where is encouraged to repeat a lot every measure of a song till you memorize it and till it sounds natural and not “stiff” if that makes sense.
After seeing both actress on other projects I noticed that although they gave their lines correctly it sounded a bit flat, stiff and they seemed a bit worried while delivering them, maybe too self conscious I think.
Would it be a good idea when rehearsing to forget to get too deep into the psychology of the characters and the subtext and practice just repeating the scene 5-10 times till it sounds smoother? I also planed for some improv exercise before the actual scene to play a bit in character and be more comfortable.
As a side note. They are not professional actresses in any way the same I’m nowhere near a professional director either. That’s why I think this kind of “simpler” approach with them would maybe work. Less time talking and more acting.
And also I fear they won’t practice all that much at home since this is not a must project for them and that way at least they get to practice more.
Is this a good idea?

Hey, Im new on this place since the dating sites i tried just didnt work for me since i didnt find any girl willing to be serious on a relationship.
I'll try to introduce myself since I'm not really good at this, and I'll do it in the most honest way I can.
My name is Vlad, I'm 22 years old, and I currently live in Europe ( if we Connect and i feel good i will share more with you). I really enjoy video games, anime (I started watching it a few months ago as I was having a really hard time, and it's helping me a lot), listening to music, and working out at the gym (it's helping me a lot with my stress and my feelings). I also like more things, but I can't remember them all, so you can ask me if you want 😊.
About my looks, I can say that I have long black hair (Viking style, I think), I'm around 5'10"-5'12" tall, and I have an average body, but I'm changing that with the gym. I don't have any problem sending selfies or even voice notes, so feel free to ask about it.
About my personality, I can say that I'm a very sweet and caring person and will always give you lots of love and affection, but I need to feel that from your side too. I love to spend time together, so doing voice chats, sleep calls, or video calls its nice with me 😊 (I will adapt to your preferences, but for me, doing those is just a form of love).
A bit about me: I'm currently doing a cybersecurity degree that I will finish in a few months, and then I will start working on whatever job I can find to start saving some money, hopefully with the idea of going to live with my soulmate and be happy together.
I'm also a person who had a really bad time this last months (you are free to ask me about anything about me, I'm an open book), so I need to feel loved and cared for, and I love to be pampered in that sense. I will never say no to any kind of affection you show me.
If you really want to get to know me better, feel free to message me i dont bite 😅

I don't know if this is bad form for this sub but I responded to a couple of comments in another thread and I may appear as arrogant but I'm really interested in how the playerbase would react to a change like the one I proposed there. This idea came to me because how unjustly the responsibility between roles in a typical 5 man group is distributed where one role in particular gets the brunt of it, namely Healers. We all know the memes. You stepped in dog poo on your way home? Healers fault. Those.
Oh well let's get to it then. One guy suggested that misplays shouldn't be punished, and that good plays should be rewarded instead. Haste buff for interrupting etc. Another opposed it, correctly saying that it would encourage overlapping, cus every DPS would want to be first and every single interrupt would get blown immediately which in turn would allow every enemy cast to go through. I responded:
It would also trivialize most content if misplays aren't punished. Misplays should be punishing because taking on "mythic" or "heroic" even, should instead be an accomplishment that rewards you based on how well you did collectively, judged on certain metrics such as how many times you successfully interrupted (as a team overall to prevent competitive interrupts/overlaps and instead encourage teamplay and rotations).
It should be hard, and if there are no repercussions for ignoring mechanics then what's the point. It SHOULD set you back. But that's not to say that good plays shouldn't be rewarded. It should. But as of right now, misplays from one role heavily affects another. The healer in most cases.
Implement a merit based loot system where your group is rewarded by how well they collectively tackled the dungeon and its mechanics. Properly timed kicks, stuns, interrupts overall count towards better loot. If death subtracts seconds then combat ressing returns them(seconds). This encourages the W gang (dps) to get more involved, and gets everyone to work together towards the same goal. Phat lewt. Heck, you could even throw up a toast window upon completion/failure that shows how well everyone did individually but fat chance of that happening. But overall then. Make it S, A, B, C and F tiered like the League system. If 2 or more gets an A or higher then everyone gets rewarded the same. If you get an S+ then fk, make it an achievement. 100 S+ in a season = tabard or an effin pet.
I'm just spitballing here and hoping to start a debate/discussion because as it stands right now, lower to mid key players aren't paying attention, they never have, and they aren't incentivised to. This all falls on the healer to reactively deal with any and all mistakes, intentional or not. If you've read this far, I envy you.
Thoughts?

I'm from the US. I'll be visiting for 3days arriving 1:30pm of 8 June (from japan) and departing 11 June 12:40pm from Manila airport (to taiwan). I originally was going to goto Cebu and fly out from there but due to a snafu, I'm stuck with unchangable tickets. I could still fly to cebu but I'd have to connect back to manila so it would waste the whole morning and add risk.
I'm staying in Makati.
It's a little vague but I'd say I'm interested in seeing "unique" things whether natural or man made that are hard to find elsewhere in the world, especially back home. Not interested in beaches or adventure sports. Not too interested in churches and museums (unless unique) as I see that all the time in europe. As for museums, I'm the type of person that only needs about half the recommended time to visit a place. Temples are a little more unique to me. Though I've been all around SE asia (ie. ankorwat). I'm the type of person that likes to plan a long day packed with things to do. I may not actually do that but at least there's a plan of sorts.
Another focus (maybe the primary focus) is food like lechon (hence me wanting to visit cebu) and street food markets. Though I don't like seafood. Since I'm visiting japan and taiwan, probably less interested in that type of food and more interested in things unique to PH
I plan to visit the usual places, binondo, Intramuros, Rizal Park, Bay walk. I don't mind going for long walks but if its super hot out and/or no shade, I'll seek A/C or at maybe rent one of those scooter things.
Also, I really like musical dancing fountains so visiting Okada is definitely on my list.
Since I'm visiting a bit longer than expected, I'm looking for recommendations.
I thought about a day trip perhaps, like Tagaytay. Though I think the volcano area is closed due to activity.

I (29M) have a wife (25F) who works at an animal shelter. A beautiful fluffy white dog is currently in said shelter, and my wife wants to bring her home.
My wife has absolutely fallen in love with the dog, who she has already named. I have met this dog; and she does seem to be a genuinely good, well-natured dog. We have a Labrador already, who's always happy to play with other dogs, and our yard is plenty big enough for two dogs. Plus the potential new dog will already be spayed and have her shots and stuff - after adoption fees, the main expense would be food and eventually vet care down the road. Assuming a meet'n'greet between our Lab and this one goes well, it really does seem like an alright fit.
So here's where my concerns come into play. I bought a new car recently, and have a $20k loan that I've started paying off. This is a lot of money to me, and I would really like to work on building up as much money as I can to be able to get rid of it as early as possible. My parents have sent me a lot of money (around $9k) this year to help me with some expenses incurred by my shitty previous car, including $5k towards the cost of my new one; and I can't imagine how it'd look to them if I turn around and respond by bringing another dog home. On top of that, my wife has had some mental health struggles for the last few months, to the point that she needed to leave her original position at work and take a lower-paying one. In the aftermath of that, while she has seemed to be doing better at the new position and she likes her psychiatrist, it feels to me like she still has a lot to work through and that I've had to pick up a lot of slack in caring for our current dog. And I don't think adding another dog for us to take care of, while I'm paying more money per month than I'm used to and she still isn't feeling her best, is a particularly good idea.
Less than half an hour ago, we had an argument over text about this. I told her that I'm not certain we can afford the dog, and that I don't think getting another dog is a viable solution to how she's feeling when she's less involved than she used to be in caring for the one we have; she told me that it's basically all her fault then that I'm saying no. That dog will be up for adoption by this time next week - if I'm the asshole here, I need to know quickly if I'm going to reverse course and move forward with getting ready for the new dog. Whatever you guys decide, thank you - for at least hearing a tired man out.

As we are getting a trailer for a much changed version of the Second Age today, I decided I would share what a first season in a series might look like for the story of Tolkien’s Second Age, while staying very close to the timeline and characters. I’ve taken some ideas I’ve seen from other creators who have made similar attempts at this, namely Council of Rings and Tolkien Untangled, but most are my own. As of now I’m not aware of a complete outline that exists for the first season of this sort of adaptation. In any case, this outline is essentially a summary of a complete text with 10 chapters that exists but is still in progress.
I’ve split the season into 10 episodes, as I think that’s ideal, and into pairs of 3-episode arcs I call Sagas, which will cover certain time periods. The whole season takes place between SA 725 and SA 1600. At first I started with a compressed timeline that would start in 1200, the year Annatar arrives in Ost-in-Edhil, and Tar-Aldarion would essentially switch places with Tar-Surion. I think that the actual timeline allows for a very interesting look at the differences in passage of time between elves, Númenoreans, and Middle Men. The drawbacks of the actual timeline are that Aldarion dies close to mid-season, whereas in the compressed timeline we could follow Aldarion as he ages throughout the season.
That being said, there are still a few alterations and non-canon additions. The big alteration is that Annatar steals the nine when he leaves Eregion around SA 1500, instead of when he destroys Ost-in-Edhil around SA 1695. The other non-canon additions are Middle Men characters, which there are few examples during this time period, that Annatar can begin to seduce with the Rings of Power.
This was just a bunch of fun for me, but I hope this effort will demonstrate that we can have a great story that stays faithful to Tolkien’s timeline and characters.

Sagas of the Second Age: Season 1
Saga 1 (Episodes 1-3): The Mariner (SA 725-750)
Elrond. In the first prologue scene around SA 440, Elros as an old man arrives in Mithlond to visit his brother Elrond. Elros is fulfilling a promise to Elrond to visit him when he senses death is near. The two brothers spend time together before Elros departs back for Númenor.
Aldarion. Three hundred years later around SA 725 in Númenor, Aldarion and Erendis witness the corination of his father Tar-Meneldur in Armenelos. The next day, Aldarion sets out from Númenor with his grandfather to spend a year at the court of High King Gil-galad, but he is told by Meneldur not to go beyond Mithlond. Eventually, Aldarion decides to travel outside Mithlond, against his father’s wishes. Elrond offers to join him, seeing an opportunity to spend time with his brother’s descendant. Together they discover the dwarf cities of Ered Luin, and then the future site of Vinyalondë at the mouth of the Gwathló. Aldarion discovers the that the Men of Middle-earth are not as evil as he was told by his family in Númenor, and that some even speak the same language of the Edain that he does. Elrond and Aldarion then travel to Amroth’s kingdom in Belfalas. While Amroth is showing Aldarion the black lands of Mordor in the distance, they are ambushed by orcs, and narrowly escape with their lives. Before departing back for Númenor, Aldarion says goodbye to his new friend Elrond and the High King Gil-galad. Back in Númenor, Aldarion meets Erendis again and proposes to her. She asks if he is done with his travels, he says he is, and she accepts.
High King Gil-galad. Gil-galad endeavors to heal the trauma of Middle-earth. While Aldarion is travelling the lands of Middle-earth, he goes to settle a conflict between kingdoms of Gwaithirum and Breeland. A battle ensues between these kingdoms of Men and Gil-galad is unable to stop it. Before Aldarion departs back for Númenor, Gil-galad tells him that he would very much welcome his help in mediating the conflicts of the tribes of Middle-earth, as Aldarion speaks their language. Gil-galad perceives the return of the shadow of Morgoth, and departs to discover the source.
Galadriel. By lake Evendim, Galadriel admits Celebrimbor into her company. Despite the history of their families and some initial distrust between them, they realize they have a shared vision for continuing the great works of Gondolin. Together they discover the dwarf kingdom of Kazad-dûm. Galadriel is able to convince the dwarves of the mutual benefit of their cooperation in crafting. Durin III is eventually convinced, he agrees to allow and to help with the establishment of the future capital of Eregion: Ost-in-Edhil. There the works of the Noldor and dwarves will benefit each other for many centuries.

Saga 2 (Episodes 4-6): The Stirring of Númenor (SA 1075-1350)
Elrond. About three hundred years later in SA 1075, Elrond arrives in Númenor to see his friend, now king, Tar-Aldarion. He is also tasked to ask the Númenoreans to prepare for war, as Gil-galad is now certain of the return of the shadow of Morgoth. Tar-Aldarion, now an old man, has reached an age where he must yeild the sceptre, in the tradition of the Kings of Númenor. He decides to leave Númenor’s official response to Elrond as a decision to his sucessor. Aldarion has only had one daughter Ancalimë with Erendis, and it is clear that there has been much friction in the marriage. His sister’s son Soronto is the nearest male heir. This situation causes a conflict in Armenelos between supporters of Soronto and supporters of Ancalimë, also between those who want to heed Gil-galad's call and those who don't. Ancalimë is seen as the elf-friend, while Soronto is staunchly against the armament of Númenor. Aldarion decides to change the law succession in Númenor in favor of Ancalimë. When Ancalimë is crowned, she reverses her initial position to heed Gil-galad, and decides to preserve Númenor as a land of peace.
Galadriel. Ost-in-Edhil is a great city now, and both elves and dwarves are seen thriving. A visitor from Aman arrives who calls himself Annatar. He demonstrates himself to be akin to the Noldor in his love and expertise with crafts, and says he was a student of Aüle. He wins the favor of Celebrimbor and the Gwaith-i-Mírdain, the crafter's guild, and soon becomes the favored partner of Celebrimbor. As the friction between Galadriel and Annatar increases, Annatar moves the Gwaith-i-Mírdain turn on Galadriel. She decides to depart to Lórinand by route of Kazad-dûm with her daughter Celebrían, while Celeborn stays behid in Eregion. Galadriel is graciously welcomed in Kazad-dûm, and her relationship with the dwarves grows greater. At last, she arrives in Lórinand and meets the King Amdír.

Saga 3 (Episodes 7-9): The Rings of Power (SA 1500-1590)
Celebrimbor. More than a hundred years later, sixteen Rings of Power are forged in Ost-in-Edhil. Celebrimbor and the Gwaith-i-Mírdain agree that seven of the rings should be gifted to the dwarven kings, as a token of thanks for their help in building Ost-in-Edhil. Celebrimbor, however, decides that the rings are too dangerous for Men. Annatar and Celebrimbor have a heated disagreement on this point, and Annatar accuses Celebrimbor of withholding the bliss of Aman from Middle-earth. Annatar absconds with the remaining nine rings. Sensing that he has been deceived, Celebrimbor crafts the Three in secret. He gives two to Gil-galad, and the remaining to Galadriel, and admits that he was wrong to doubt her.
Gil-galad. Minastir, the heir of Númenor, stays in the halls of Gil-galad as Aldarion once did. Minastir meets with the descendants of the Middle Men Adlarion befriended, though many more generations have passed for them than for Minastir. Aldarion’s travels are a tale that some believe to be myth. Gil-galad and Minastir travel the lands of Eriador and mediate the conflicts of Middle Men.
Elrond. Elrond travels to Númenor for the first time in several hundred years on order of High King Gil-galad to implore once more that the Númenóreans to prepare for war. Tar-Teleprian, the second Queen of Númenor, rules in Númenor now. When Elrond arrives and presents the request of Gil-galad, there is a conflict between supporters of Ancalimë’s policy of isolation and those who believe that they should heed Gil-galad, the latter being lead by the Lord of Andunië – Silmariën’s heir. When Elrond presents further evidence that the shadow of Morgoth has returned, Tar-Teleprian ultimately decides that Númenor must prepare for war.
Annatar. Annatar begins seducing the Kings of Men and gifting rings. Annatar arrives in the halls of a Gwaithirum king called Halmir, a descendant of one of the generals of the battle in the first saga. Annatar tells Halmir that the Noldor are withholding the power of prolonged life from mortals, and gifts him a ring. As Halmir is an elf-friend, his ancestors all being loyal to High King Gil-galad, he refuses Annatar’s suggestion. Eventually, Halmir succumbs to his curiosity and doubt and puts the ring on, entering the Realm of Shadows. He perceives immediately that his decay has been slowed, and indeed that the Noldor may have deceived him.

Saga 4 (Episode 10): Orodruin (1600)
Sauron crafts the One Ring in Orodruin, and Barad-dûr, the largest fortress ever built, has been completed. We Annatar standing on at the height of Barad-dûr wearing the One, below his vast legions of orcs.
As soon as the One Ring has been crafted, Galadriel, Celebrimbor, and the others realize they have been deceived and that Annatar was in fact Sauron, and they remove their rings.
The Men who received Rings of Power from Sauron realize too late they are deceived, as they are completely subservient now to the will of Sauron.

I am listening to album 1089 today. Is it my last day? What an experience this has been. Not only in music but in discipline as well. The routine has been wake up, submit and get some new jams. Listen to the entire album, read the Wikipedia on the album, dive into the artist Wikipedia, review the reviews and thumbs up my favorite one.
My scale
1 - Fucking hell, no more. I'm asleep or man this is making me too anxious
2 - Shit I can do this. Why is this on the list. No re-listen
3- I can see it, enjoyed it may or may not listen again.
4- Hell yeah, this is great. Adding a song or 2 or album to the playlist.
5- Amazing, in the library or adding. going to play it and talk about it this week. Truly a classic
Yes, I made some mistakes along the way and put some 2's as 1's or a 5 that should be a 3 or 4. Bad days and good ones happen over 3 years and my normal music plays change through the seasons. Daft punk I put as a 5 on accident and should be a 3.
Thank you to the wife and kids for enduring the weekend morning album and especially my son for the weekend review of 69 love songs. Scott Walker's "Next" and The Divine Comedy's "If" really had me sharing some shit with neighbors and friends.
Great idea Alex! Thank you for the journey.
https://1001albumsgenerator.com/shares/609327b1853f457115780fdc

Out of all the Fleetwood Mac content, what would you pick for your walk up song?
(This is mostly AFAIK an American baseball thing... where you pick a 15sec music clip that plays while you step up to bat and it's the same one all season long)
[Idea taken from multiple other band subreddits I've seen this posted in.]

It is a loooong story buy basically i am 30, have no job , hate my life and have since teen years, gay always liked guys who would never even look at me, hate gay dating pool tiny so i have no chance, hate how society works, been on anti depressants for years, after abusive father violently kicked me out, been living with my mother who wants to kick me out now cause i havent worked in 4 years, nor look for work, i will explain why in a moment. And i am mentally somewhat ok, when i am just doing hobbies, my mother has alreadt banned internet from me and locks the computer room door, today she explodes coming home we cannot communicate all she says is "when are you going to get a job, i need to see a therapist cause now cause of you, i am almost 65 at the end of my life you are so selfish you cant just ger yr own wings and fly away to start your own life"
Now here is the thing, i believe i must be autistic or something like it, cause ive always dealt with many social awkwardness and fears in school, on the street or on occassion i can be polite etc and talkative but for the most part, id love socializing but ive been bulliee, backstabbed, just always had such shitty stressful people around me, from my abusive father, my overly anxious mother whose anxiety was pushed onto me, being gay has been shit for me, i just want to be left alone to enjoy music and my photography hobbies etc, but cant..
I hate the city i live in, i was bullied here, badly that i have ptsd, spoken to therapists etc no change, i have seen 5 diff ones, please understand i am TIRED and opening up again and again about it makes me feel worse!!
I wanna move, but have little to any common sense skills with rent etc, like the idea of having to pay every month, having to work to be able to survive, freaks me out, so fking much... its so hostile, too much mental pressure. I already socially lost, i have less hair now cause of genetic alopecia, lost my teen and 20s to never dating , why continue to simply get a job in the town where seeinh people from my past constantly triggers me, if they see me working, they'll gossip about it and humiliate me again, they should not ever know of me again since the horrific things they did to me in highschool, last time i saw an ex bully as an adult, she passed by car, pointed and gave that evil grin from those days...please understand i cant go through with it here, i would simply be living to live for nothing but physically living.
I dont wanna see these people, my mother wont stop annoying me, my father is a violent abusive man, why just why not end it all? I have no reason to live outside of my hobbies. I learnt escapism cause i always hated the way the world was in regards to me.
Also just to add, so many people seem just so priviledged out of nowhere, the very few jobs i worked in the past i was worked like a mule for mininum wage, come home with stomach pains for hunger, tired without time for me, and examples: my sister is a teacher in a private school, every few months she can go on holiday...wtf? Worse, a guy from same school as me i had a big crush on (wont get into the painful story behind how he mocked me when i confessed my feelings as we are both gay) well he is a vet, his face is on the vet company website he works for too, moved abroad etc, he is constantly posting on insta about going to the states, to dubai, to cuba, the guy is always on vacation..what the fuck?? How did these people win at life? This isnt even what i wanted, i just wanted respect and no more trauma nor having to work a job i dislike, the small town i am in has limited choices. I dont want these people seeing ny life

I find myself deeply longing for a sincere and profound connection. Hopefully, you are looking for the same?
I think most of us are afraid in some sense to love and to be completely vulnerable yet despite the risk we long for it.
The capacity to love, sometimes even in the face of pain, is one of the most beautiful aspects of being human. It's a strength, and not always a weakness.
At my core, I'm a person of love, of care, of deep unyielding affection for those I hold dear.
Through the journey of healing and self-discovery, I've realized that I have much love to share. Love that is not bitter, but kind; not resentful, but forgiving; not closed, but open and willing to grow alongside someone special.
I'm sincere in my attempt to forge a connection and hope you are too, I'd try to share things about me that might give you idea of the person I am.
Essence of Me:
I am a mix of old-school romance and modern sensibility, holding onto the ideals of loyalty and sincerity. I think handwritten notes, surprise dates, and the belief that small gestures make a big difference. I am someone who thrives on deep connections and meaningful interactions.
I’m someone who believes in the power of midnight conversations, in the healing balm of shared laughter, and in the silent solidarity of presence.
I believe in the power of empathy and the importance of being there for those who matter, even if it's a call at 3 AM. I value integrity, kindness, and a good/weird sense of humor. I find beauty in the mundane, the kind of person who finds joy in the little things and believes in taking the time to truly understand and appreciate others.
Physical Attributes:

• Height: 5'11" (181cm)
• Build: Slim
• Hair: Deep black, kept in check
• Eyes: Light, sometimes dark brown :3
• Beard: Short, fashionable, and pristinely groomed
• Complexion: FaiTanned

Interests:
I find solace in music that echoes my moods, books that transport me to other worlds, and quiet moments in nature that ground me. I cherish activities that nurture growth, whether they're intellectual debates, serene walks, or shared laughs over coffee. I'm drawn to the arts as much as to the simple pleasure of a sunset.. I also have a keen interest in cooking and experimenting with new recipes, finding the act of creating something delicious for others as a form of expression and care.
To sum up some typical interests include: Philosophy, nature, languages, books, reading, writing, video games, sports, art, poetry, travelling etc
What I Am Looking For:
I'm in search of someone who values open and honest communication as much as I do. Someone who understands that relationships are about growth, learning, and supporting each other through life's myriad challenges and joys. I am looking for someone who is eager to prioritize getting to know each other, willing to open their heart, and ready to build something meaningful together.
Expectations:

• Mutual respect and understanding
• Openness and honesty in communication
• A shared desire to prioritize our relationship and growth
• An interest in exploring life's depths and joys together

The Quest for You:
What am I seeking? Not a perfect person, but a real one. Someone whose heart speaks the language of kindness, whose spirit dances to the tune of sincerity. I dream of a connection where words are just the beginning, where vulnerability is not a weakness but our strongest bond. I yearn for a love that’s both a safe harbor and a grand adventure, a partnership built on mutual respect, understanding, and the shared bravery of baring one’s soul.
I seek a fellow traveler in this journey of life, one who understands that while our pasts may shape us, they do not define us. Someone who stands at the intersection of hope and reality, ready to embark on a path not devoid of challenges but rich with the promise of true companionship.
Epilogue of Hope:
If my words have stirred something in your heart, if you too are navigating the vast oceans of life in search of a genuine connection, then perhaps we are two stars meant to align in the constellation of fate. I extend my hand, my heart, and my story to you – not in desperation, but with the quiet confidence of one who has faced the night and yearns for the dawn.
Laconic messages with just "hi", "what's up," "I have a question," and the likes will be most likely ignored. If I can beat my own laconism when introducing myself here, so can you.

After Royal Rumble The Rock posts on social media,addressing Roman Reigns, he talks about how he’s been showing up more than Roman has been and goes on to talk about how he costs his own flesh and blood the undisputed championship, The Rock then has a message for The Bloodline which is take out Roman Reigns before he can get to The Rock as Roman isn’t worthy of a match with The Rock anymore like he was last year.
Smackdown 31/01/25
Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman take to the ring,Roman talks about The Rock and challenges to a match a Wrestlemania, As he says this Jacob Fatu,Tama Tonga and Tanga Loa take to the ring. Jacob Fatu tells Roman to look around and realise that he’s lost everything, and like The Rock says he isn’t worthy of a match with someone like the final boss. Roman goes on to say how he will do whatever it takes to get to The Rock, even if it means defeating everyone stood in that ring.
07/02/25
The Bloodline are in the ring with a message for Roman Reigns on behalf of The Rock, The Rock has told them that Roman Reigns is everything Cody Rhodes said he’d become, “a chief without a tribe”, Fatu then continues with the message from The Rock by saying not only is he not worthy of a match with The Rock but he is no longer worthy of the head of the table. Roman Reigns then comes out to confront the bloodline, he tells them if The Rock wants to back up everything he was saying then he should show up and say it to his face.
The Rock posts on social media once again after the show, this is a shorter video than usual telling Roman he better be there next week, As The Rock will be there to talk to him.
Smackdown 14/02/25
The Rock makes his entrance first along with the rest of the bloodline, Roman is next and is with Paul Heyman. The crowd is absolutely electric as the two stand face to face with real rivalry between them for the very first time, The Rock starts of with “FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK” but is soon cut off by Roman who slaps his mic out his hand. The Rock and Roman Reigns come face to face but it’s Jacob Fatu who steps in between, Roman tells The Bloodline to get out of the ring while him and The Rock talk, The Rock gets a new mic and tells Roman that isn’t how it works anymore and how nobody will be taking orders anymore. Roman Reigns reminds The Rock how he is still the tribal chief, and The Rock tells him he won’t be for much longer. The segment ends with the two staring off against eachother.
2 weeks go by without Roman or The Rock showing up but there’s plenty to be said from The Rock on social media about Roman Reigns and even mentions The Usos and Solo. Jey Uso then randomly tweets out “We acknowledge the REAL tribal chief”
Smackdown 07/03/25
Roman Reigns is on his way to the ring, we see him walking out backstage and on his way out walks past Solo and The Usos, they all have a short look at eachother as Roman continues to walk to the ring. Romans message is short and sweet, Roman wants to face anyone of the bloodline next week on Smackdown.
Smackdown 14/03/25
Roman is in the ring waiting for his opponent, the entire bloodline come to the ring when all of a sudden the titantron shows The Rock, The Rock says that Roman will be facing all members of the bloodline tonight instead of just one. Just as the match is about to get underway The Usos music hits and they join Roman Reigns, It’s then made into a huge 6 man tag team match with Roman Reigns and The Usos coming out on top, at the end of the match Roman talks down the camera saying “I’m still the chief and i’ve still got my tribe”
Smackdown 21/03/25
After last weeks big win The Usos thank Roman Reigns and then call out Tama Tonga and Tanga Loa for a match at Wrestlemania for the tag team championships.
Smackdown 28/03/25
The Rock is back on smackdown and calls out Roman Reigns for not being on the show, The Rock then accepts the match Roman Reigns challenged him to at Wrestlemania, with the winner becoming the head of the table.
Smackdown 04/04/25
It’s announced before the show that The Rock and Roman Reigns will be on the show, Their segment is just between the 2 of them, no bloodline and no Paul Heyman, The Rock tells Roman how he should just stop calling himself the tribal chief now as nobody backs him anymore and he just says it to make himself feel better that the entire family turned their backs on him, Roman replies by telling The Rock without his higher up power he’d never of been able to get back into the company anyway. The Rock reminds Roman who won at last years Wrestlemania, Roman reminds The Rock that he was acknowledging him last year and should stay in his lane.
Smackdown 11/04/25
Neither The Rock or Roman Reigns is on the show but it’s confirmed that next week (the week before Mania) The Rock and Roman Reigns will have a tribal court contract signing
18/04/25
The Rock and Roman Reigns are in the ring surrounded by every samoan wrestler in the company and to be involved in the company, it’s nothing but tension but nobody attacks eachother, Both sign the contract and leave the ring.
Wrestlemania Night 2 20/04/25
The Rock vs Roman Reigns-
At the top of the ramp the elders of the bloodline are there ready to crown whoever comes out on top, there is no bloodline at ringside out of respect for their family members inside the ring. The Rock and Roman Reigns staredown before getting into things, The match lasts 40 minutes and after a gruelling match it’s Roman Reigns to pick up the win. Roman is just away to have the Ula Fala draped around his neck but just before The Rock stops and puts it around Romans neck himself. He raises his arm and leaves Roman Reigns to celebrate as he’s joined by The Usos and Solo Sikoa finally concluding the Bloodline saga.
Hope everyone has enjoyed this multi part storyline. thinking about rebooking The Greatest Royal Rumble next!

I am kind of working on this idea of a team, made up of a multiversal family.
All three endured the same strategy and had the same man to lean on for this tragedy.
In the case of one universe, the dad would have lost both wife and son to murder, and with the help of his best friend, becoming a vigilante to revenge them.
In another universe, it would have been the wife who lost her husband and son to murder, had her husband's best friend to help her become a vigilante, and possibly eventually marrying said best friend.
In the third universe, it would have been the son who lost his parents to murder, after which he was taken in, raised and trained by his father's best friend and became a vigilante himself.
The idea would be that something happens, possibly to each version of the man that the three came to rely on, and the three begin their journey through the multiverse and eventually meet up and begin teaming up. I have even considered including a fourth universe and having a daughter with the same tragedy.

John 1:1 is hardly a Trinitarian proof text.
Various translation have the c part as “and the Word was a god.” Other translations have “and the Word was divine.”
A Contemporary English Translation of the Coptic Text. The Gospel of John, Chapter One (From 2nd/3rd century):

1In the beginning the Word existed. The Word existed in the presence of God, and the Word was a divine being. 2This one existed in the beginning with God.

Diaglot NT, 1865:

“In a beginning was the Word, and the Word was with the God, and a god was the Word.”

Harwood, 1768:

"and was himself a divine person"

Newcome, 1808:

"and the word was a god"

Thompson, 1829:

"the Logos was a god”

Robert Harvey, D.D., 1931:

"and the Logos was divine (a divine being)”

Greek Orthodox /Arabic translation, 1983:

"the word was with Allah [God] and the word was a god"

John J. McKenzie, S.J., in his Dictionary of the Bible, says: “John 1:1 should rigorously be translated ‘the word was with the God [= the Father], and the word was a divine being.’”—(Brackets are his.) New York, 1965), p. 317
“In John 1:1c, the Word is not the one-and-only God, but is a god, or divine being.”—Truth in Translation: Accuracy and Bias in English Translations of the New Testament, pages 115, 122, and 123.
Joseph Henry Thayer, a Unitarian scholar who worked on the American Standard Version says of John 1:1: “The Logos [or, Word] was divine, not the divine Being himself.”
Even Vine in his dictionary admits 'the literal translation is, 'a god was the Word'.
The Word, was in the presence of God. The Word was alongside of God, near to, in front of. John tells us, this divine being, came to the earth, this divine being, became flesh, for prior to this he was a spirit being. The Word, is a title, given to a specific being, and not God's speech or expressions… Jesus, the Word, the Logos, is not God.
However, even without arguing grammar, we can read from the same letter and see the frame of mind John had Jesus, the Word, in.
Notably John 1:18 says that “no man has seen God at any time.” This occurs many times and isn’t a one off idea. (Ex 33:20; John 6:46; 1 John 4:12)
If we read previously at John 1:14, we see that the Word became flesh. Jesus was clearly seen by many thousands of people. That easily concludes that Jesus is not God.
John 1:23, “I am a voice of someone crying out in the wilderness.” Jesus is quoting Isaiah 40:3. This isn’t a new idea, Malachi 3:1:

1Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith [YHWH] of hosts.

There is the temple again, not Jesus physical body. But! Lord, whom ye seek. We see this distinction between God and Lord at 1 Cor 8:5-6:

5 For even though there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth, just as there are many “gods” and many “lords,” 6 there is actually to us one God, the Father, from whom all things are and we for him; and there is one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things are and we through him. (KJV says the same)

So, John had the same mindset that Paul wrote about here. The Word was certainly not God, because we have seen Jesus. Jesus claims to be the messenger, the answerer of the ones crying out in the wilderness. John, nor Paul, thought Jesus was Almighty God, YHWH.

Greetings to all!
What is here to talk about is my latest project about this amazing game called Demons souls. This game is in my heart since the PS3 release days and have lots of fond memories about it, from now and then.
This project is a musical tribute to it. But let's start with the preview:
https://youtu.be/ZZo_ro1xeis?si=d53Y_8mz4rykwpoB
This should give an idea. And this is the first completed song
https://youtu.be/Pm_-5Wmy4PY?si=8kwqsISeJhi5U7-S
It's a serie of songs in various styles that take about the game’s characters and lore.
And this is the very start. I'm currently working since quite a long time on a long and coherent Opera style work that will released in due time…
What I'm here for? Well first of all to show my love to the game, of Sunoai, udio, and to let all know about this effort!
Also I'm up for suggestions, contribution and help from and demons and souls fan, ideas, art, text and anything would be SUPER Welcome!
And lastly, any share, linking or spreading word to others would be super kind and precious!
I'm leaving here my contacts and I hope to hear from you all here, on twitter, Reddit, webpage or mail! All welcome!
Webpage https://hymnforboletaria.neocities.org/
Twitter @karstenbeoulve
YouTube Channel https://youtube.com/@hymnforboletariaaimusic?si=YNYBJ_OLKez0FcFZ

I (23f) have a pretty big crush on my rommmate (23m) and I havnt really told anyone, So i figured here wouldn’t be a bad place.
good thing he can’t see this post..
He’s so fucking great, I look forward to seeing him after my shift and we hang out like every single day, it’s usually the highlight of my day! I know he’s seeing a girl right now (not sure how srs tbh, he talks to me about her) but he flirts with me like for example
“(a joke I made on a day out) hey man you better pay me back or i’ll slap the shit out of you randomly” “Jokes on you i’d like that”
“have you seen the cherry blossom trees on our block! they’re so pretty!” “you’re so pretty!”
“Wow I’m hot right now” “YEA you are”
“I’m gonna go take off & hop in theshower” “ok don’t take forever or i’ll have to join you!” “are you serious..? because I wouldn’t say no” “nono i’m joking around!”
“wow you’re looking good tonight!”
stuff like that.
To be honest everytime he flirts with me or tells me i’m pretty I get butterflies. He has no idea I like him, I don’t think i’ll say anything tbh, not sure. We have such a great dynamic and I really enjoy spending time with him. It hurts that i’ll prob just keep this inside.
Just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening :)!

I'm trying to edit this image, it's a PNG I made using Paint Tool Sai 2. I'm saying this because I'm a complete beginner and have no idea what information is relevant. Unfortunately I don't have the original .sai file.
My main inspiration is Man Alive's album cover, which was reportedly made with real data editing and not filters. I know I can't get something exactly the same, that's not the problem. The problem is that even after following tutorials for changing hex codes and trying different methods (copy and pasting, finding and replacing, just writing stuff) and trying different degrees of it, I only get three results.

1. Nothing happens
   
2. The entire image is destroyed
   
3. The bottom of it is edited in exactly the same way each time
   

What am I doing wrong? Is this an issue of my methods or the image? For now I've resulted to using filters as a placeholder, but I'm not really happy with the results in comparison to actual datamoshed images.

Before I start, this story is long, and I'll repeat myself a lot; my first goal is to get what's inside me out and vent, so please be patient and if you respond be respectful, please.
I (29M) came out of the closet about two years ago, but living in the environment I live in, I couldn't be as open as I would have liked until recently. During that time, I lost a lot of weight and gained confidence in myself, which made it easier for me to open up to the world that interested me. I'm not someone with much experience when it comes to sex, but I've had my adventures, mostly with women, but once I accepted who I am, my experiences shifted towards men. In recent years, I've had fleeting relationships and two relationships that lasted more than four months, but in recent months, I've been puzzled by a situation I've had to live through, and that's why I'm writing this here, to see if the perspective of strangers helps me clarify my thoughts a bit.
I don't consider myself ugly; I can even be attractive, both physically and in personality, but insecurities have affected me since I was very young. This story begins in September of last year when I started working at a new company. The workgroup consists of about 30 colleagues, some of whom I knew from before. But the story focuses on a guy (32M), let's call him Stephen. I must mention that he didn't attract me at first; he's not my physical type. But around November, as I got to know him, I was attracted to his personality, which surprised me because I'm usually a very superficial person (I know I need to work on that), and it's not very common for me to be attracted to someone because of their personality.
Over time, I formed a very close group of friends, who told each other everything that happened in our daily lives, so it was only a matter of time before I mentioned to them that I was attracted to Stephen. The three colleagues, Anna (37F), Violet (36F), and Lily (20F), were happy for me and told me that the interest seemed mutual because they thought the guy was getting very close to me. I liked that because I had already noticed that the jokes or comments I made to him received the same response, or at least he played along.
We reached December, we organized a dinner with some colleagues, and both he and I attended. By then, my colleagues had been pressuring me a lot to tell him something, but since we only had a relationship at work, I didn't dare to take the step; it didn't seem right to me. I also mentioned my situation to my friends, who could give me another point of view, but they all told me that not seeing the relationship we had made it difficult for them to evaluate it. I must mention that all this was happening while I was seeing another guy, John (27M), in a stable relationship for 6 months.
At the dinner and at the after-party, Stephen didn't leave my side. If I went out to smoke, he came out with me even though he doesn't smoke; if I had a drink, he accompanied me to the bar. My colleagues were ecstatic because they saw that this was the night something was going to happen. Well, it didn't. Between my relationship with John and the nerves of the moment, I didn't dare to do anything. But I already saw clearly that with those ideas in my head, the relationship with John was unfeasible; he was no longer my priority. We broke up during the following week.
I was already going all out for Stephen; I was attracted to his personality, to what he could offer me in a relationship. The week before Christmas arrived. We had a one-week break from work, and I didn't want to leave with doubts on vacation. On Tuesday of that week, I went to talk to him about the subject, determined, but when I started talking, I saw that we weren't alone, and I didn't dare to continue. I didn't dare again until Friday; he insisted that I finish saying what I had to tell him, which excited me even more because in my head, what I wanted to tell him seemed obvious.
Friday came, the last day for me to tell him something. When there was an hour left to finish the workday, I saw that we were alone, and I approached him. I was very nervous, I even stuttered, but I practically told him that I found him a very interesting guy and that I would like to get to know him outside of work, to which he responded that he was flattered but that he was not homosexual. It crushed me. I tried to disguise it by saying that he had become a very important support at work and that I wouldn't want this to ruin that relationship; he accepted it.
I left there as quickly as possible, holding back tears as best I could (yes, very teenage everything). I met up with my colleagues and told them what had happened. They supported me, but they kept saying that they didn't believe Stephen, that the relationship we had wasn't just friendship. I didn't give importance to that; at that moment I just wanted to forget what had happened. It was one of the toughest Christmases I've ever had. My family didn't know anything, my friends outside of work didn't understand it, and my work colleagues kept insisting that I needed to clarify things even more with him. My head was spinning.
I decided that I was going to fulfill what I said to Stephen, that the work relationship would continue as it had until that moment. The first week was weird and tough, I won't deny it, but I handled it quite well. I insisted that my colleagues avoid the subject, but it was impossible not to see the looks every time Stephen and I talked. Over time, we've returned to jokes, and although there's attraction on my part, I've come to understand that nothing will ever happen between us. Or so I thought. The last month I've had abrupt changes in my life. My grandmother died, I started dating Parker (33M), I got promoted at work, and I moved out on my own. It's important to mention, I think, that Stephen was my superior, and now, with the promotion, he's my immediate superior, I have to answer to him. So we spend much more time together, and we've come to know each other more intimately. I know about his problems with family, his friends, his plans for the weekend... But he never talks to me about relationships. We have a colleague who lives in the same city as Stephen, who has known him for years, and my colleagues, being the gossips they are, interrogated her about Stephen, and she managed to find out that he has never had a known relationship, nor has he had relationships with anyone, which surprised us all because, even though he's not my type, he's an athletic and quite attractive man.
Meanwhile, physical contact has emerged; he touches my shoulder when speaking, he hugs me when greeting me in the mornings... That was what I was missing. Just when I was rebuilding my life after the Christmas fiasco, to doubt again because of physical contact, once more when I was in a relationship that seemed perfect on the surface. More doubts on the subject. I had been with Parker for three months; I met him at a party with friends, in early February, falling back into the same old mistakes, focusing on the physical and then on the personality, luckily we were compatible, until feelings for Stephen surfaced again. The relationship faded, literally, no sex, no affection, no compatibility. My work colleagues didn't accept Parker, they were still insisting on Stephen. We come to yesterday, I broke up with Parker last week, and I really felt bad because it seemed to me that I was making the same mistakes as with John, obsessing over a relationship that didn't exist, that I had already received rejection for. But I moved to my new house, perfect for me, and liked by everyone, even Stephen. Today I received the comment that led me to speak here. I have organized a dinner next weekend at my house, Stephen is coming, he has asked to stay the night, I only have one bed, he has said we will share with a wink. I got excited, but I don't want to. I couldn't bear another fiasco. My work colleagues are already on cloud nine.
So I ask, do I have reasons to be excited?

To be honest, I wasn't sure that the Advice sub would let me post this there so I'm posting it here because it's so fucked up. And it didn't seem right for Let's Not Meet, either. But I do need advice, because I feel I'm losing my fucking mind.
So I (30F) have always been very close to my cousin (30F), let's call her Angela. Because we're the same age, our parents (my mom and her father are siblings) went through all the same stages with us and as such, we were more or less raised like siblings due to how much time our families spent together.
We even had homes in the country in the same township, which is where I think this happened. And I can't really tell my family this because it will make me sound legitimately crazy. And some part of me even doubts this memory, but at the same time I know in my heart that it's true. It's a complicated feeling, and this memory was brought to light last week when my suspicion I've had for years was more or less confirmed.
One winter, sixteen years ago, when Angela and I were both fourteen, both of our families were at our cottages, a twenty minute drive from each other. Angela and her little brother (my cousin, let's call him James) parents (my aunt and uncle) were going skiing one morning, and I wanted to go too. So I spent the night at their cottage, like I often did when we all went up north.
Angela's bedroom had two single beds in it, and James' room was down the hall. The whole house was open concept, so the hall from Angela's room to James' room did not have walls, but rather was bordered by two railings over which you could see down into the main floor, the open concept living and dining rooms.
James is four years younger than us, and when he was 10, he was such a typical little boy/little brother, it's almost cartoonish to look back on. Like, I'm talking *constantly* bothering us, putting a stink bomb on a remote control car that he would sneak into our rooms, trying to read Angela's diary when we weren't in her bedroom, just all the stuff. But never anything cruel or out of the ordinary or sinister, just a massive handful.
The basement of James and Angela's cottage was filled with storage and old toys, and sometimes (on the rare occasion) that we'd willingly play with James, we'd all go down to the basement and try to freak each other out. Anyway, one of the toys in the basement was your typical Raggedy-Ann doll from the 60s or something. I think it belonged to my uncle when he was a kid and then Angela when she was a baby. Her name was Trilly. I forget who named it. Anyway, I have vague memories of playing with it when we were much younger and pretending it was our third cousin or our little daughter. But since then she'd sat in storage in the basement.
But, what great nightmare material! Right?! A creepy, limp, smiling doll. So the night I stayed over, before we went skiing in the morning, James, Angela and I were up to our playing in the basement, and I remember we tried to freak James out by pretending Trilly was alive or something like that. Whatever. Game over, we all had dinner with the parents, then watched a movie as a family and went to bed. James to his room and Angela and me to Angela's room.
Now this is the thing. Angela and I still joke about this night, and she remembers it just like I do, which is why I sort of wrote off my hypothesis until last week. That night, in the middle of the night, I started tossing and turning. I woke up and could tell that Angela was stirring as well. One of us said to the other, "are you awake?" and the other said "yes," and we realized that we both couldn't sleep or were woken up by the same thing or were both just feeling restless. But then, at the other end of her room, Trilly was sitting in the fucking desk chair.
I think it was Angela who pointed it out. We saw a shadow, thinking it was a person, freaked out, and then relaxed briefly when we saw it was just the doll. But then we got freaked out all over again and were like, "why the FUCK is this FUCKING doll in your room!?!?", murderously standing up and going over to it to pick it up and throw it in James' room and pound the living Christ out of him.
We turn on all the lights, turn on the hall light, stomp down the hall into his room and turn on his lights, and see he's not in his bed. We then go downstairs (my aunt and uncle's room was on the main floor), Trilly still in Angela's hands, and hear my aunt and James in the washroom. Turns out James had been sick for the last few hours and my aunt had been up all night with him as he was throwing up in the washroom. And when we saw the scene we immediately could tell that James had nothing to do with Trilly. Like, it was just one of those really believable situations where we could tell James truly had no idea what was going on. We even felt bad for him. And, to top it off, when we told him the story in the morning it scared him so much that he didn't go into the basement for like a year. Anyway, it just seemed really sincere.
So Angela and I went back up to her room and we were like, "are we *sure* we didn't bring this up here last night? Are we sure? We must have." Anyway, while we were really freaked, we figured that it was explainable. We knew the doll obviously didn't walk itself upstairs like it was some horror movie. But, because we were fourteen and all for the drama (and I remember us having the "better safe than sorry" mindset) we called her dog upstairs (Bella, a poorly behaved black poodle). We started playing tug-of-war with Bella, using Trilly as the toy, and eventually Bella ripped her to shreds.
Anyway, funny memory, making the dog rip up the doll, we laughed and thought we were tough and cool, then we went back to bed.
The next morning, instead of all of us going skiing, it was just Me, Angela, and my Uncle, because James stayed home with my aunt on account of his stomach flu. But when we woke up, Angela was acting weird. Nothing too noteable, just really bizarrely quiet as she moved around her room to get her clothes out of her drawers and get changed. She didn't, like, acknowledge me in her room. I said something like "morning" when she didn't acknowledge me, and she looked at me and then turned back to her drawers and kept getting changed.
And she was looking around weirdly, I remember that too. Almost like she'd misplaced something, but a little more dazed than that. Just moving strangely. Then she went downstairs without saying anything to me at all. I thought maybe she was just super groggy... but it still felt really weird.
When I went downstairs, she was standing at the island in the kitchen buttering toast that my uncle had put in for us. I distinctly remember walking up beside her and the toaster, pulling a piece of toast out of it, putting it on the plate that had been set out for me, and when I dipped the knife into the container of butter, Angela smacked my hand away, hard, and looked at me and snapped, "what are you doing? Don't take things that aren't yours". I was shocked. It honestly felt like being struck in the face. She'd never spoken to me like that before, and even though we were like siblings, I still felt that kind of mortifying embarrassment you feel when someone calls you out on misbehaving, even though I wasn't doing anything wrong; but it *was* her family's butter and bread? I don't know. That's what I remember thinking. But it was awkward and weird and I just said, "um, what?" and then she didn't say anything, just kept buttering her toast, and I mumbled some apology.
The three of us then drove to the ski hill and, I kid you not, Angela and I didn't speak the whole way there. I had no idea what was up, but I didn't want to ask with her dad in the car.
Then when we got to the ski hill, we went skiing just the two of us and on the chairlift during the first run I mustered up the courage to say "Hey, did I do something wrong? I feel like you're really mad at me or something". And she turned to look at me and was confused. Not friendly, not warm, not reassuring, but confused. It was almost as if I was a stranger and she looked at me as if to say, "sorry, who are you? why are you talking to me?"
And she responded in a formal way: "Sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about". The distance in her voice was really eerie, and I started to think maybe this had to do with the doll incident the night before and either she was trying to extend the prank, and she was the one who had put the doll on the chair, OR she felt guilty that we ruined this family doll and she resented me for being a part of it. Anyway, when we got to the top of the hill, she skied down quickly and didn't wait for me to go back up again, and we ended up skiing separately.
I felt awkward and embarrassed like I'd done something wrong. I ended up skiing with my uncle who asked me what was up with us, and I just said I didn't know. Then after our day of skiing, he dropped me off at my family's cottage and continued on home with Angela.
For the rest of that whole school year (we were in ninth grade), Angela and I didn't really speak. It was really sad. We were like sisters before, but better because we weren't actually sisters, but cousins, and so we were like best friends that were related. Seriously, we were really close. And it really messed me up, I felt like she just ghosted me. I would text her and call her house but she was always "fine" or "with Jessica" (her best friend). I chalked it up to her just outgrowing me, and it really fucking sucked. But, to be honest, it was so jarring and such a stark shift that I was more confused than hurt. I talked to my mom about it and she explained to me how rough it can be to be a teenage girl.
But that following summer, we were up at our cottages again, and our family had a barbecue and invited over my aunt and uncle and Angela and James. I had seen Angela at family things a couple of times since and she would just kind of ignore me and spend the whole time texting, which is what I expected this time.
Sure enough, that's what happened for the first bit of the barbecue. But then when the food was ready, she came up beside me as we were dressing our hamburgers at the condiment table and said, "oh my god, remember that night we got Bella to ruin Trilly?" and I was so shocked by her friendly tone, by her acting as though she were picking up a conversation we just were having, that I just stared at her and said, "yeah, that was crazy". And she said, "yeah, so funny. Anyway, how've you been?" again, really different and formal. I almost couldn't get past how altered her tone was, like we'd never even met. In fact she seemed so sprightly and kind that I thought she was mocking me.
And our relationship since that barbecue carried on just like that. She started talking to me more, but I'd reference inside jokes or ways we used to be or things we used to do and she never really latched on to any of them. I was caught between thinking she'd outgrown me and thinking she was like embarrassed of our closeness before or something and was trying to move on. I talked to my mom about this, and again got the speech about how teenage girls can be really cruel/strange sometimes.
So until we were about 22, we were like that. Nice to each other, talking sometimes, not that close, and I learned to not try and act like we were all close or that we had been close. I talked to my friends about it too and they said it was normal for friendships to change like that. But something felt off about this. I started to honestly feel crazy for hanging on to this "before" memory of Angela so much.
Then when we were 22, we grew apart. This time, it was mutual and natural. I moved cities, and she got engaged and became a real estate agent and we just had nothing to talk about. It was gradual and I didn't notice it much. Which brings us to eight years later, just last week.
I was travelling in Iceland. I had to be there (very randomly) for a conference/workshop I was leading for work, and turned it into a vacation. Rented a car, decided I was going to drive across the island after the conference was over and stay on the east part and explore a bit.
Day four of my seven-day long road trip. It's mid-afternoon, I'm hungry. I've been driving for three hours and have come across no sign of civilization at all, and it was fifty miles to the next town. But then, voila! A little gas station/general store/cafe! Perfect!
Ah, fuck. I literally can't believe I'm writing this. It makes me sound fucking crazy. But here I go.
I park in the little three-car parking lot. I get out of my car, step onto the gravel, the sky is white, expansive, there are mountains everywhere around me, fields, sheep. The air is fresh. Seriously middle of nowhere. I walk up the wooden rickety steps and push open the door and hear the door chimes go. A man walks out from the back room and greets me, and the place is cute. There's a little handwritten menu above the cash register and I asked him in my pathetic Icelandic/English mix if I could have the gravlax toast. He's very friendly and kind and says yes, asks if I want a coffee, I say yes please, blah blah, he rings me up at the cash register, and I go and sit at the one table they have and wait for my food.
I look around - it's mostly a fishing supplies store with some general groceries. The man opens the door to the room from which he came, the kitchen I suppose, and says the order to the lady in the back who looks like she's doing some prep cooking. Immediately I stop. It's freaking Angela!!!! Or I thought it was.
Now, remember, I hadn't seen Angela in about eight years. Since her dad passed away when we were twenty-three, and because I'd moved cities, we just had no reason to really see each other especially after growing so far apart.
So, like, OH MY GOD, it's Angela! She's working at a random little general store in middle-of-nowhere Iceland! But wait, I thought. No. This is obviously not-fucking-Angela. Angela is a real estate agent in my hometown. I'd obviously know if she lived in Iceland lol. Right? I don't really use social media but the odd time I do, she'll pop up here and there. But I guess not enough for me to *confirm* she still lived in my hometown.
But anyway, she looked enough like Angela that I went right up to the cash register and rang the little bell and the guy came back out and when he opened the door I was able to get another look at her, and my heart skidded. A chill spread across my crown. It was one hundred percent Angela. Like, my full-on cousin. So, looking over the guys' shoulder, RIGHT AT ANGELA, I smile and say, "Angela!! Oh my god!!" and before she could respond, the door shut again.
And the guy at the cash smiled really big, a nice, friendly, smile and he looked surprised as well, and pointed back over his shoulder and then at me, as if to say, "you two know each other?!" which confirmed for me that her name was Angela, because he seemed really delighted at the coincidence. Expecting her to emerge from the kitchen, I walked around to behind the cash register (the invitation was implied by the guy) and he put his arm back to open the door for me, or for Angela, whom we both expected to be making her way over to me, too.
When he opened the door, she was head-down again, chopping vegetables. I walked through the door and said, "Angela? Angela!" smiling, thinking she hadn't seen me yet or realized who I was, all context considered. She looked up at me, and then quickly, as though avoiding my eyes, looked down. "Hey", she said, quietly, at the cutting board.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON? Before I could ask anything, she said, "I'm really sorry, okay?"
What?
She repeated herself and then continued: "I'm really sorry okay? But we can't talk".
I actually, like, had no clue what was happening. I was looking into the eyes of my cousin whom I hadn't seen in forever in some random fucking shack in Iceland and she was acting skittish and afraid. I opened my mouth to protest and she said, "I need you to leave," then she called the guy's name and said something to him in Icelandic. She can speak Icelandic??!
The guy came in, his demeanour totally different. Almost like he was a bouncer. He gestured to my coffee and toast that were ready to go, took them in his hands and ushered me out of the kitchen and I could tell I no longer was welcome. Either I wasn't welcome or I was in danger, or both. It felt more like the former. And I don't think the guy had any idea what was going on, either. I think she must have said something to him like "I don't know this person, this person is crazy" or something. That's how he was acting toward me.
I got in my car, I drove five minutes down the road, and pulled over. I miraculously had service and I called my mom and told her everything. She kind of just laughed at me and was like "Many-Patient2894, that obviously wasn't Angela". And joked about me making some poor Icelandic woman feel extremely weird. But based off the guy's reaction when I said her name, her name was Angela, and the way she spoke to me and said sorry and said we couldn't talk, like, she knew me too. I told my mom all of this and I sounded fucking crazy and she just was basically like, "Haha, yeah, weird". I think she thinks I was making up the part about the apology.
I told all of my friends this, when I was still in Iceland, and they all reacted like my mom did. At this point, I had four days left in the country, and I kept wanting to return to the cafe/general store. But I didn't. I started to think maybe the woman thought I was someone else. But then I kept coming back to, but wait, this person was Angela. Her name, her body, her face, like I just didn't know what to do.
This brings me to two days ago, the day before yesterday, when I returned to Canada, where I live. It's eight o'clock in the morning and I'm on my way to work. In my car. Just picked up a coffee. Exhausted. Not thinking about Angela at all. Thinking about my laundry, my bills, what I'm going to make for dinner. The traffic is bad and it's a miserable day outside.
My phone dings. It's a random number. The text reads: "Hey! It's Angela! How was your trip?"
Haven't heard from her in eight years (except for our run-in in Iceland, if indeed it was one). No "how have you been??", no "I miss you!!" no "long time no talk/see!". I also hadn't posted anything about my trip on social media. Unless you were a friend of mine, you didn't know I was there.
I immediately call my mom, who follows Angela on Instagram, and ask her to look at her profile. Sure enough, Angela (not at all to my mother's surprise), is posting stories of the bachelorette party she's at in Miami. She's, like, not at all in Iceland.
I have no idea what's going on. And the way Angela/the woman spoke to me in the cafe had the cadence and softness that Angela had, and in my memory, lost, starting the morning of the skiing after the incident with Trilly and the dog. For some reason I'm fully back there in my memory now, realizing that that was the first morning of "the new Angela", the one that seemed to have no emotional memory of me at all. Like, the Iceland Angela seemed more like the "before" Angela.
I haven't replied to the text. I have no idea if it was bachelorette party Miami Angela or Iceland Angela that sent me the message, the area code is from neither Angela's hometown or Iceland.
I need advice, I have no idea what to do or who to talk to. Do I reply to the text? What do I say? I feel like the real Angela is fucking trapped in Iceland or something and has been for a long time. Or I don't even know. I have no idea what to do.