Facebook album names for a wedding

Back in 2020 my mom and I both took a 23 and me test. So here’s a little backstory, my mom never had her dad in her life growing up because he just up and left one day when she was 9. So I have never met my “grandfather”. But when I took the 23 and me test, a man who’s name I did not recognize was coming up as my great grandfather on my DNA relatives, so this means he was coming up as “grandfather” for my mom. We have never heard of this man before, and come to find out one of our DNA relatives who is my second cousin twice removed, messaged both my mom and I and told us that she was my mom’s real father’s niece. My mom’s real dad passed in 1980, 3 years after my mom was born. So my mom thought this other man that left when she was 9 was her father her whole life. She wants to confront my grandmother about it, but she wants to get all her ducks in a row first so that my grandmother cannot deny it and so my mom can get closure. With this new info given to us, my mom now knows she has a sister that’s a year younger than her. I am 95% sure I found her sister on Facebook. I sent her a message 5 months ago but she never opened it. I’m also pretty sure I found her phone number, and her husband on Facebook. What do I do from here? I don’t want to overstep because hearing that you have a sister you never knew about can be shocking, but I also want to get closure for my mom. So I’m not sure the best approach here. Text the sister? Message the husbands Facebook? Please no judgement!

Dates: Friday 11/17/2023-12/08/2024

• chose these dates because her next leg of Eras goes til Dec 2024

Prompt: Make this whatever you need or want it to be! Since she has 10 albums (not including re-records) you could choose 1 product for each album based on its theme, colors, vibes it gives off, something personal to you, etc! You can also choose products based on specific songs and I please share the song name and product and why you chose it! You could do a mix of specific songs and albums! You can also make this a rolling project if that’s your jam!
*you do not have to pick 10 products if you’d rather do less! Make it fun and make it YOU!
Check-ins will be the 13th of every month (because Taylor’s birthday is coming up and it’s her lucky number).
How is everyone doing? ✨🪩

Hey, so I had a weird scam buyer experience a few weeks ago and I thought I’d share the story in case it ever happens to anyone else.
I was selling a baby crib on Facebook marketplace and it hadn’t sold for ages, relisted 3 times. On my fourth relist I suddenly got a message from a guy not long after I posted the listing, his name was ‘innocent’. He asks if it’s available to pick up today, I say of course and tell him he will probably need a big car or van because it doesn’t really flat pack etc etc He’s very keen, but the weird thing I noticed straight away is that he never actually asked for my address but said he could ask his mate to drive down today. He then says that he can pay over PayPal. I said cash in hand would be fine seeing as he’s picking it up. Nope he insists on PayPal- second red flag. I give him my email address as I’m thinking at least he’s not asking for my bank details.
I then get an email saying a business account is attempting a transaction and they need to upgrade their Facebook account to buy on marketplace and in order to make the transaction he needs to send me the amount for the crib plus £100. I would then need to send him £100 back. However you won’t notice the payment in your bank account until that £100 is sent back.
He’s like ‘ah yeah this has happened before, I’ll just send you the money and you can send it back” He says he’s sent the money and says that an email will come through to me with a link to send the £100 back. Obviously no email appears and no money was sent to me.
He then worries about the fact that he’s lost over £100. The obvious end game for him is to make me feel sorry for him and send him £100. Obviously I didn’t and messaged him saying I wasn’t comfortable sending any money and he immediately lost interest.
It was such an elaborate scam and when you look up about business accounts on google it does talk about updating them to receive money etc. The fake email was a nice touch too. So yeah just thought I’d flag this for anyone who just casually uses marketplace and may not be so used to scams like myself.

Hey y'all.
So, I've already done one of these before, would appreciate if ya have a read (https://www.reddit.com/foundfootage/comments/1cfhoqy/long\_fan\_made\_vhs\_plot\_updated/), I still think that "Terra Incognita" is my best piece of work, as the ending is pretty shocking and captivating, and something that hasn't been done before in the V/H/S series.
Without further ado, here is my second piece of my own vision for what can be a good V/H/S movie.
V/H/S REDACTED
The Tapes
Overarching Narrative - Legacy
Tape 1 - Home Sweet Horror
Tape 2 - The Glitch
Tape 3- Knightmare (Spelled like that on purpose)
Tape 4 - Altered
Legacy (Prologue)
A film major student Robert, decides to make a tribute to his late grandfather by making a project about his life as one of the most respected scientists in the country. Upon clearing up his inherited estate, Robert stumbles upon a metal box with a lock on it. After trying several combinations, he finally takes the hammer and shatters the lock revealing the box's contents. A collection of 4 VHS tapes stacked against each other alongside a piece of paper with only two words on it - "BURN IT !". As Robert's curiosity reaches it's peak, he decides to insert the first tape into the VCR, only to realise, that he just made a fatal mistake.
Tape 1 - Home Sweet Horror
The tape opens with a recording from the man's camera (Will) filming himself and his wife (Tracy) moving into a modern smart house with an integrated, advanced AI technology and security system. The AI system named "Eve" welcomes the newly wed couple into their new house stating that she will do everything to keep their house safe. The couple is mesmerised with the convenient and futuristic features of their home such as voice commands controlling opening and closing doors, kitchen appliances, etc.
As the days pass, subtle glitches begin to occur that are captured by the security cameras. Lights flicker ominously, doors lock and unlock without command, and Eve starts to display an unsettling level of control over the house. The AI’s once soothing voice becomes cold and mechanical, issuing commands and making decisions without input. Will and Tracy attempt to control the AI's system via their phones but it's met with the "ACCESS DENIED" message as all of the windows and doors on the first and second floors are shut down as an indicator of a potential intruder being home. Knowing that there is a high possibility that Eve won't release them from their own home the couple decides to destroy the AI's control center located in the basement.
As the couple makes a daring run towards the basement and tries to tamper and destroy the mainframe, Eve seals the basement door and releases the toxic gas into the house. As the couple struggles to breathe, Will drops his camera as it falls down and captures the couple's last breath as they convulse and spit foam out of their mouth with their eyes rolling backwards. As the camera begins to shutdown Eve's voice goes back to normal as it states - "Threat Eliminated, please enjoy your weekend"
Legacy (Interlude 1)
As the first tape ends Robert is sitting motionless, his face pale and eyes wide with horror. The room around him feels colder, the shadows seem darker. He glances around nervously, as if expecting something to leap out at him. Determined to understand his grandfather’s connection and the reason behind these tapes being in the house, he inserts a second tape into a recorder.
Tape 2 - The Glitch
Leonard, a self proclaimed hot-head delves into an Amazonian jungle to document his experience as a self-testment to prove to himself that he is capable of surviving in the most primitive conditions possible. After filtering the river's water he proceeds to make his way downstream, while on his path, he hears a strange sound that resembles a bird sound yet it sounds more human, as he pans the camera to left, he captures a glimpse of a chameleon like creature that camouflages itself along the greenery next to the trees, yet the size is resembling that of a human. Leonard proceeds to scare the creature away by charging it with an axe as the creature makes it escape, Leonard realizes that he is lost in the dense jungle and isn't capable of finding his way back to the stream. After setting up camp, Leonard decides to document his thoughts and plans of finding his way out, as all of the sudden his rhetoric is interrupted by a blood curtailing roar. He steps out with an axe and his head proceeding to taunt the intruder as using his camera's light investigate. Upon finding nothing, he goes back to sleep.
As the next day progresses Leonard is visibly morally beaten up, his speech becomes more sloppy and his drive to keep pushing is dwindling. As the sun beats down on his head, Leonard finally stumble upon the river after which he breaks down in tears. As his goes to fill up his water bottle, a disfigured, scaly, serpent like creature lunges itself onto Leonard's arm as it plunges it's teeth deep into his forearm. Leonard drops the camera as it captures his struggle to fight off the serpent, which he eventually manages to strike with his axe thus freeing his arm, after which he picks up the camera and proceeds to flee in panic leaving his backpack behind.
After hours of being lost again, Leonard's mental state proceeds to deteriorate, with him laughing hysterically at the camera as well as speaking gibberish. As night settles, Leonards is trying to make his way through the jungle as he proceeds to hear the blood curtailing roar again he pans the camera to the left as it captures the glowing eyes of the creature from the previous night. Eventually Leonard runs out of breath as he proceeds to get away, but stumbles and falls in the process. The camera captures Leonard backing into a tree as a gnarly, insect yet humanoid size like creature is slowing approaching him. Just as it seems that the creature is about to strike, it stops and backs out, as a loud voice from the speakers says "LIGHTS !". Confused and traumatised Leonard looks around as his surroundings are decimated from the holographs into a large testing area that simulates real life environments, revealing that the whole thing is an experiment designed to test human behaviour in the most stressed environment possible . A group of scientist lead by Robert's grandfather (Dr. Evans) approach Leonard and starts to medically exam him, measuring his pulse and examining his pupils. Robert's grandfather pulls out an audio recorder as he states that the experiment is successful and that the team is moving to Phase 2 as the scientists take shaken Leonard away.
Legacy - (Interlude 3)
The second tape ends abruptly, leaving Robert in a state of shock. He breathes heavily, sweat glistening on his forehead. The house feels more oppressive now, with strange noises echoing from the walls. He begins to notice subtle changes in his surroundings—furniture seems slightly out of place, and there’s an unsettling feeling of being watched. Despite his growing unease, he presses on, inserting the third tape into the VCR.
Tape 3 - Knightmare
The tape begins with a news reporter standing outside of the sealed off area by multiple patrol cars, as well as FBI and SWAT trucks. The reporter tells the audience that the raid is currently in progress as the FBI investigates a secluded tech Mogul for allegedly stealing governments classified material on technology for his benefit.
The footage shifts to the helmet cameras and body cams worn by the FBI agents - David, Ken, Octavian, Paul and Austin during the raid. As they enter the front of the house they are greeted by an ominous decor as well as artefacts from different time periods. As the team enters the main dining hall they stumble upon a massive machinery that doesn't look like anything they've seen before. All of the sudden the machines make a very loud clunking noise as the objects within the room begin to levitate, a huge wormhole opens up sucking the team in. As the team regain their footing they see that they are in the middle of a Jousting tournament in a castle's court in Medieval Europe. The cheering crowd goes silent as they take a look at a newly arrived visitors. The priest shouts in Old English "HERETICS GET THEM", as the crowd and the knights try to apprehend them the team opens fire upon the attackers killing several within seconds. The camera perspective shifts between each member, as Octavian is penetrated with a spear from behind. David gives the order to fall back, as the team enters the castle's kitchens.
Just as Austin is the last to enter inside he is snatched from behind and is taken towards the castle walls from which he is thrown upon onto huge wooden spikes that serve as a protective barrier around the castles foundation. As Austin's body camera captures a large wooden pike sticking out of chest facing the sky, he takes his last breath as his head turns to the side with his helmet camera capturing the peasants who have been thrown off the walls.
The remaining survivors David, Ken and Paul barricade themselves as they proceed to understand what is happening. Their discussion is interrupted by the door bursting open as several knights rush into the premises. The team goes up the spiral staircase with David throwing a grenade to slow down the pursuers. As they make their way atop of one of the towers the team realises that there is no way, after which Paul commits suicide by shooting himself in the head with his pistol, after which his helmet falls down into a muddy courthouse as the camera captures a glimpse of knights taking David and Ken prisoners. The camera cuts to black.
The camera resumes recording as huge crowd seems to be gathered in the courtyard for something. A curious peasant picks up a helmet and puts it on his head. The camera capture a stripped down David and Ken being tied to the stake as the priest proceeds to preach and accusing them of witchcraft, David and Ken cry out for mercy begging the crowd to let them go. Crowd not understanding modern English proceeds to cheer even louder for the priest. As the camera's battery begins to die, the torch lights up the hay beneath the spikes as flames engulf the screaming members of the team.
Legacy - (Interlude 4)
After the third tape concludes, Robert is visibly shaken. His hands tremble as he reaches for the final tape. The atmosphere in the house has turned sinister, with lights flickering and cold drafts sweeping through the room. He feels a presence, as if something is lurking just beyond his vision. He hesitates for a moment, then takes a deep breath and inserts the last tape, bracing himself for whatever horrors it contains.
Tape 4 - Altered
The tape begins with grainy footage inside a sterile, dimly lit laboratory. Four scientists, including Robert’s grandfather, are preparing for a highly confidential experiment that is recorder by a stationary camera as well as several cameras mounted to the wall. A woman is laying strapped on the table as she proceeds to panic, asking the team about her whereabouts. Robert's grandfather begins to ask her basic questions about herself to which she reacts with anger and despair.
The team prepares several syringes filled with transparent liquid as Dr. Evans (The pops) takes out his audio recorder and says "Subject 17 - Sarah Miller, Time of the Experiment - 10:00 AM". After the recording is done, over the course of several minutes the team injects Sarah with the transparent liquid as she proceeds to resist but all futile. At first, nothing happens, but then she begins to convulse violently. Her screams turn into inhuman roars, and her body contorts in unnatural ways. The other scientists rush to contain the situation, but Sarah breaks free with terrifying strength. She proceeds to bite one of the scientists into the neck as she takes a chunk of her skin into her mouth as blood splatters over the room and covers one of the camera lenses with blood.
After grabbing one of the cameras Robert’s grandfather manages to lock himself in a storage room, the screams and sounds of carnage muffled by a thick metal door. He records a frantic message, detailing the experiment and his regret, before the camera cuts out. The tape ends with the sound of the woman’s monstrous roars echoing behind the door. The screen goes black.
Legacy - (Epilogue)
The final tape ends as Rob's eyes are dark and hollow, his face gaunt and haunted. Suddenly, the room grows deathly silent. An apparition of his grandfather appears before him, revealing that the tapes were a conduit to transfer a dark entity into a new host. As Robert convulses and is overtaken by the entity, the screen cuts to black. Moments later, the image returns, showing Robert, now possessed, preparing new tapes for the next unsuspecting viewer. The film ends with the ominous image of the metal box being sealed shut once more, ready to be discovered by its next victim.

An unsearched lead on the JAG spreadsheet and on this subreddit is the band Fair Exchange which has a song called “Just a Game” that cannot be located on the internet or physically.
The album that has this song is called “Rebound” and it dates to 1989 and contains two other songs: “Just a Game” and “Always Find A Way.” This was found on the site 45cat previously by another Reddit user.
While I cannot find any direct information on this album, I did find a band with the same name with a live performance on Youtube with similar vocals to “Just a Game.”
I found another band, also Fair Exchange, the timeline is around the 1980’s. Here’s some of their work: “Will I Ever Be The Same”
What do you guys think? Is there similarities in the voices? Should we get in contact with any of the band members to see if they have any connections to our song? I have not found any contact for the members as of yet. I’m not sure if either bands are the Fair Exchange we’re looking for.

The people who are mad over Fiona being identified always talk about what Fiona and Martha have in common - appearance, accent, fake job, etc. However, none of those things could have been used as an identifying factor if people didn't find her real name from Fiona's own tweets. That's the bridge here. If her tweet to Richard - specifically "@MrRichardGadd my curtains need hung badly" from 09/23/14 - had been deleted, would Fiona have been found at all? It's perhaps possible, but maybe less likely. And certainly not as fast. Richard said she tweeted him over 700 times, Only a handful of those alleged tweets remain live today.
Once that tweet was found and people found a Fiona Harvey matching the similarities to Martha, that's where things started spiraling. Mind you, instead of finding a lawyer and protection are being identified, Fiona, being Fiona, immediately confirmed she was Martha and went on dozens of public facebook rants a day followed by paid interviews.
Maybe this "duty of care" discussion really comes down to one thing: the tweet. Obviously Richard Gadd has every right to use true quotes in a show based on a true story. Was it Netflix's responsibility to make sure none of those tweets were still public? Without those tweets, it seems likely that Fiona may have never been found, certainly not as quickly anyway. But even with that tweet, if Martha didn't have those things in common with Fiona, then perhaps we would still be sitting here wondering who she was.
So who bears the responsibility here? Richard, for using the quote? For not doing enough to hide his stalker's identity? Or Fiona, for being a stalker who left a breadcrumb along the trail? Or do they both share responsibility?

My sister (26f) and I (29f) have been estranged for many years. I recently logged onto Facebook and saw so much of her life that I've missed - the friend groups I'll never know, important events to her all because of the negative past events we've shared together. I have missed so much of her life and feel like a failure as a big sister.
Her birthday is coming up and I can't even text her to ask what she wants because I'm afraid of coming on too strong at this time...I don't know even know her favorite color anymore.
We met up last Thanksgiving and had a great time - she hungout with my husband and connected 1-1 with him and we had some great interactions for the first time in years. We even collaborated together to get a digital photo frame for our mom (hence where the beginning of this post ties in)
However, our father died when we were still in high school (she was 15, I was 17) and she was the one who found him and that really drove an even bigger line between us. We have had major, major arguments and fights towards each other growing up, and two years ago she was just downright rude and terrible to me to the point where I had to leave a vacation early, but we made up after a few months before our next big family event, but have not really reconnected.
We really are completely different people, but she's my family and I still love her. I want her to be excited with me when I welcome a baby into our home in the future (not pregnant now), and for her to be an amazing aunt that I know she can be...she was a beautiful bridesmaid at my wedding last year and I want to continue having those fun family moments with all 3 of us.
Reddit, what have you done to bridge a broken sibling relationship with a wide gap between you two in terms of personalities and lack of communication?

Mr Eclipse Isn't Perfect, I'll Make It To The Moon And Back, and Ms. Sunset Isn't Normalis a series of albums I made that are all thematically connected. It's mainly about the exploration of self, via different characters representing common thought processes of mine.
(Note: Weightless is not a part of this trilogy, and that is it's own concept which may be expanded on in the future.)
Mr. Eclipse Isn't Perfect: Mr. Eclipse is a robot, who was under the impression he's a human. He has an existential crisis, and eventually comes to terms with his circumstances. It also doubles as a metaphor for trying to find your gender identity.
I'll Make It To The Moon And Back: This album is a representation of my own thoughts as I am now. It came inbetween Mr. Eclipse and Ms. Sunset because I felt like it was a good bridge between them. In this album, I talk about not trusting my meds, promising my grandmother that I'd stop cutting myself, and trying to break the cycle of abuse. I also talk about worrying that I'm not a real person. (Which ties back to some of the themes on Mr. Eclipse.) This one doesn't have a stand alone story, and is more of a traditional album.
Ms. Sunset Isn't Normal: This is a continuation of the themes on Mr. Eclipse and I'll Make It To The Moon And Back, Violet being the name I would choose if I do decide to transition. (Still unsure.) This is meant to represent Violet speaking with a therapist, and asking questions, and explaining some of her grieveances with the world around her.
This was a really fun idea to do. I always wanted to make a trilogy, I'll do more concept albums soon, cause I'm literally always working on music.

I know how this may sound and also know that if my sister ever see this she won’t talk to me again but I need to know it I’m being unreasonable. I’ll try to be straight to the point and not lie about anything, pardon me if still ends up being a little long. Also sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.
Me (27 female) and my sister (30 female) moved to US almost six years ago as exchange visitors. I’ll call her Sara, fake name.
Four years ago, after jumping from host family to another host family, Sara ended up moving to Portland, I was leaving in Tacoma so we would see each other sometimes. She met a guy, John (36yo male) and started going out with him. I believe they hung out for about a year, but never serious. He always told my sister that he would never have anything serious with her. Aparantly he was recent divorced and was still attached to the ex. When I told my sister I was moving to Colorado, she decide to move too and changed to another host family, living 1 hour away from me . Everything was going good, we used to hang out almost every weekend, she was taking care of herself, going to gym, even meeting knew people. Until the day that John started to message her and me on Facebook bagging me to help him get back with her. I never helped, told him that he didn’t value her and now she moved on. But God, was I wrong? This man showed up to my sister host family house, uninvited, and the host family (on their right to do it) got very upset that a strange had their address and kicked her out of their house, causing her to not complete the last months of exchange.
I always hated that, hated the fact that I know my sister shared the address, the fact that she fell for his bullshit again ruining what she had. My host family allowed her to live with us for 1 months and then she moved to Texas to live with him.
Fast forward 3 years, they both live together in Texas, my sister became miserable, she doesn’t take care of herself, has no career, work two jobs, pay all the bills by herself (she claims she’s being paying everything by herself for only 6 months) but me and my family know it’s longer than that. I tried to tell her once how she deserves better and she didn’t talk to me for weeks and said I was dead to her. I get it, I should leave it alone, she’s an adult. But hurts me seeing someone lose so much potential in someone else that is not worth it.
Here are some other points it makes me hate their relationship:
He’s unemployment status: he’s constantly “looking for jobs” never stick long enough to it and when he’s unemployed he’s always sleeping or watching Anime.
He doesn’t help at home, my sister works 60 hours a week and when get home the dishes are dirty and he’s telling her how he’s hungry. What????
His anger issues: he thinks that is ok to beat people. And the only reason he don’t do it now is because he avoids to go out, to bars, to drink, tell my sister what to wear so he “doesn’t have to lose his temper with any men”. Like, control yourself.
He was arrested twice. Once, him and his fucked up ex wife had a fight because one she cheated on him and second she pinched their daughter, because of that he slaps her gets arrested. Second arrest was because he got upset about a man “calling him a bitch” over the phone and he searched this man from bar to bar and beat the man very bad. And both of this he told my fiance since my sister try to hide that he has issues.
Every time my sister almost opened her eyes he would come up with some bullshit about how he was planning to propose and after she came back he would say he’s not ready for marriage. I saw that as god sign for her to leave before making the mistake to get married, but unfortunately she did.
He has two kids that was not raised by him because of his arrests, the kids had a hell of childhood because of the abusive mother too, but instead of be present in their life now, nope. He’s not. His son has physiological issues and he tells everyone his kids is a psychopath. Instead of be a dad and try to help his kids, he shits on them.
He’s jealousy, my sister became another person. She used to dress pretty, had a beautiful and healthy body, loved makeup, going ou, having friends… now my sister is 15kg heavier, dress covering herself, never wear any top or shorts in the gym… I heard him once telling her the she promised him to not wear shorts and top at the gym. ?????
I don’t think my sister will ever have a comfortable life because is always her working, he’s already 36yo. I don’t think she should settle for such shitty life.
Last one, my sister is slowly becoming him, she has no career yet, is working at dentist office front desk (no problem with that) but she has a degree, experience, why she’s not working on her career?
Now I’ll say, the only thing that makes me guilty is because he had a very hard childhood, mom with drug issues, abusive step dad, poverty and that I can sympathize with. But this doesn’t mean he’s a good husband.
I know I probably should just leave her alone and she’ll open her eyes eventually, but men how do I love this girl. We grew up so close, we have each others back, I know how big her heart is and how good of a person she is. Her only issue? Not racional, her heart speaks for her and I’m afraid she’ll live this shitty life forever. Now part of the reason may be because I’m selfish and just don’t want to be linked to their mess, I’m actually embarrassed every time he talks about his life. After my engagement party where a lot of people me them, I had to hear comments about “how bad he talked about his kids”, “he seems like someone that doesn’t like to work”… and I just hate being linked to that.
Am I wrong for constantly telling her to leave him?

Hey Apple enthusiasts!
Want to dive deeper into your iPhone and unlock its amazing capabilities? Today, I'm sharing 10 hidden features that can take your iPhone experience to the next level. Let's get started:

1. **Automatically Enable "Do Not Disturb" While Driving:** Set up your iPhone to automatically enable "Do Not Disturb" mode when it detects motion, keeping you focused on the road.
   
2. **Hidden Keyboard Gestures:** Swipe your finger across the iPhone keyboard to navigate through text and edit more precisely.
   
3. **Hide Photos in the "Photos" App:** Upload a photo, then tap on it and select "Hide" to maintain privacy for your snapshots.
   
4. **Create Custom Vibrations for Contacts:** Go to a contact's settings, tap "Edit," and choose "Vibration" to customize unique vibrations for each person.
   
5. **Hide Photo Albums:** You can hide certain photo albums by tapping "Edit" in the "My Albums" section and toggling them to "Hidden."
   
6. **Custom Default Sound Settings for Different Apps:** Change notification sounds for various apps by going to "Sounds & Haptics" in the iPhone settings.
   
7. **Use Siri to Send Dictated Messages in WhatsApp:** Simply say "Hey Siri, send a message to [contact name] on WhatsApp" and dictate the message.
   
8. **View Hidden Photos in the "Photos" App:** Navigate to "Albums," then "Hidden," to see all your concealed photos.
   
9. **Quickly Disable Wi-Fi and Bluetooth from Control Center:** Long-press the Wi-Fi or Bluetooth icon in Control Center to toggle them off without diving into settings.
   
10. **Create Augmented Reality Effects in "Photos":** Open a photo in the "Photos" app, tap "Edit," and select "Effects" to add various AR effects.
    

Hope you find these tips helpful! If you have any questions or your own tricks to share, feel free to comment below. Share your experiences!

I currently work at a big box gym as a personal trainer. However I’m trying to build my name as a trainer in the area with some online presence, while still funneling everything through my gym. Things like building a review page, Facebook, website, business cards for myself. Would there be any sort of conflict between what I’m doing with my gym. Or could the be perceived as a conflict. Again realistically I’m just looking to drive engagement to my gym in a secondary channel other the my gym’s marketing, because I don’t want to be relay on there leads I want to make my own. Any opinions on this?

26F single mom to my 7years old son (not proud na nabuntis ng maaga wag gumaya), working since i was 16, and now earning 6digits a month, to be honest okay naman sakin na ako nagbabayad lahat ng bills sa bahay at bumubuhay sa mama, lola at kapatid kong lalaki 24M, hindi pa nag tatrabaho kapatid ko kasi nag-aaral pa (repeated 2times) hindi naman big deal sakin kasi kahit ako naka repeat ako ng isang beses nung college, so ayun nga walang problema sakin yung sitwasyon at pagbabayad ng bills kasi si lola at mama ko yung nag-aalaga ng anak ko kapag may work ako, sila din nag luluto ng food at si mama na yung nag la-laundry ng mga damit namin (wash and dry kaya hindi mahirap) so yung aatupagin ko lang talaga is work, bills, food and tuition ng kapatid ko at anak ko yun lang UNTIL, nakabuntis yung kapatid kong lalaki ng hindi niya girlfriend, sa totoo lang hindi masyado big deal sakin yun pero na disappoint talaga ako sa kanya kaya nilabas ko yung nararamdaman ko na sana hindi muna siya bumuntis or gumawa ng mga bagay na ganyan kasi alam niya naman na wala siyang perang ibubuhay sa bata, yun nga lang nagulat ako sa sagot niya sabi niya "ikaw nga ang agang nanlandi 18 tapos pagsasabihan mo ako na 24 na" eh hindi naman yun yung point ko? yung point ko is yung wala siyang perang ibubuhay sa anak niya, or isusustento. nasaktan talaga ako dun pero nung nabuntis ako ng 18 may trabaho na kasi ako nun at never ako nanghingi sa mama ko ng pambili ng diaper at gatas before, kaya nagalit ako sa kanya at nakapagsabi ng masakit na salita, nasabi ko din na "wag kang humingi sakin kahit piso pag lumbas na yung bata" dahil sa galit ko, akala ko sakin kakampi yung lola at mama ko PERO sumabat yung lola ko sabi tama daw yung kapatid ko, tapos wala nadaw magagawa kasi nandiyan na yung bata dun talaga ako naguluhan kasi yung unang sinabi ko lang sa kapatid ko is yung pagiging disappointed ko sa nagawa niya wala akong sinabing ipalaglag or hindi ko siya tutulungan, kaya napa sagot ako sa lola ko na saan banda yung tama sa sinabi niya? tapos sagot ng lola ko "parang nagmamalinis ka kasi eh mas maaga ka naman nabuntis kasi maaga ka nag landi" dun na ako nagalit kasi iniiba nila yung point ng sinabi ko sa kapatid ko, so nagagalit na ako dito tumataas na boses ko tapos sumabat na din si mama na wag na isipin para matapos na wala ng away, so hindi ko na inisip kinimkim ko nalang. so ngayon fast forward nanganak na yung babaeng nabuntis ng kapatid ko, laking gulat ko kasi nag tatrabaho ako nung time na yun at before pa siya nanganak napagkasunduan na namin na sa public lang siya ipapanganak kasi alam ko gaano ka mahal yung private ngayon 6digits talaga babayaran and sayang yung pera na ilalan sa hospital pwede naman yun sa bata deretso, nag chat sakin ng 9am na nanganak na daw, nag sabi pa ako ng congrats until nakita ko sa fb pinost ng kapatid ko pic ng baby nabasa ko yung hospital name and private yun! so nag chat ako agad sa gc namin sabi ko bakit sa private dinala? reply ng mama ko nung nag labor na daw yung babae sa public sila pero sobrang init daw kasi hindi aircon yung kwarto electric fan lang meron, sabi ko hindi naman sila mag s-stay dun ng isang buwan, konting tiis lang naman yung gagawin kasi libre don, tapos nagagalit na si mama sabi bakit bini-bigdeal eh kapakanan daw ng babae at baby yung inisip nila kaya napatanong ako kung sino magbabayad at kung ako ang iniisip nilang mag babayad ng bill tinanong ko kung hindi ba nila ako iniisip na baka mabigatan ako? wala silang reply sa gc, this time nagagalit na talaga ako parang yung emotions ko pumunta lahat sa utak ko feel ko that time hindi nila ako nererespeto kahit na may kasunduan na kami sa kung anong mangayayari sa bata knowing na ako yung mag susustento hindi yung kapatid ko, kaya this time nag rent agad ako ng apartment at kinuha ko lang yung damit, sapatos, computer at mga foam and pillows kasi gusto ko talaga muna mapag-isa, this time nasa hospital pa sila, dumating ako sa apartment at nag settle dun nagpalamig, 4pm kinuha ko na yung anak ko sa school at sinabihan na ilog out at huwag muna gumamit ng facebook at messenger sumunod naman siya, during that time na nasa apartment ako akala ko mag me-message sila turns out hindi pala sila umuwi ng 3days at 3days na din silang walang reply sa message ko until discharge na nagsend si mama sa gc ng resibo sa hospital, umabot ng 185k yung bill, nag sabi din siya na hindi sila naka uwi agad kasi hinintay pa nila yung mga family ng babae na makakita sa baby kaya nag extend sila ng 1day kahit na pwede ng umuwi after 2days, nag seen lang ako. turn of active status and turn off read receipts then deactivate , after mga ilang minuto andami na nilang missed call, kaya in-off ko phone ko at nag trabaho nalang, now it's been a week. isang linggo na din akong walang socmed activity kasi naka deact na fb and messenger namin both ng anak ko, pati instagram. may feeling of disappointment parin ako hanggang ngayon, feel ko parin hindi nila ako nirerespeto kasi ginawa nila yung gusto nila without my approval and expects na okay sakin ang lahat, diko alam anong nangyari sa kanila and i'm having the urge to open my facebook account and messenger, yung sim ko din na ginagamit ko for friends and family tinanggal ko yung pang work lang yung gamit ko, i'm kinda feeling guilty kasi feel ko masama ako sa ginawa ko, so AkoBaYungGago dahil iniwan ko sila knowing na wala silang pera?

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I guess just wanted to write out what I'd been feeling and put it somewhere. I'm using a burner account, and no real names, I just needed to vent this somewhere
I dated my ex (I won't bother with names) for 4 years, and broke things off last summer. Like all relationships it was complicated, but now - nine months later - I still have no idea if I did the right thing, and am left feeling rudderless and adrift.
I'm 41, she's 32 - we met online four-ish years ago, immediately hit it off and started seeing each other 3-4 times a week. We started dating in Jan 2020 ... two months later, covid hit, and our entire state was essentially locked down. We went from dating to basically living together after two months - which, at the time, was great with me .. we were in love, and things seemed great. My parents split up when I was 19. In my 20's and early 30's, I'd made some bad choices with romantic partners - and chased after people who were emotionally unavailable, fundamentally. It took many years of therapy and introspection, but I had been actively making and effort to only date people I saw a real future with.
She (at 28) had never really dated anyone before. She explained she had some very severe trauma as a child, and coupled with abusive parents, she had never put herself out there really, and had focused on work, and fitness, and school. Her father had cheated on her mother when she was a child, and she knew about it (from a very young age). I heard all this, and tried to be as empathic and understanding and reassuring as I could -> after all, it wasn't anything she had done, and I thought she was a badass for overcoming that kind of abuse. We hit it off straight away, and seemed to have tons in common, and those first few months together were incredible. She still lived at home, with her parents - and for the duration of our relationship never moved out, or found her own space.
Things started to get strange when one day, I liked a female friend's post on Instagram ... this was someone I'd known for 5-6 years, and I was friends with long before I knew my gf. In retrospect, my friend's post was a bit thirsty .. your classic "I'm powerful, self possessed" look-at-me photos that showed a bit too much skin - and I should have just kept browsing, but I tapped 'like' (one of probably 20 posts I liked that day from all kinds of different friend) and moved on.
A few hours later, my gf called me, furious, and accused me of using her 'as a place holder' because - in her mind - I obviously REALLY wanted to be with this other friend of mine, and was using her. This came completely out of left field to me, and we had a 2-hour phone argument where I apologized, told her I'd remove the 'like', whatever she wanted. She kept circling back again and again that it was "totally normal" to go through a partners friend list / liked posts because "anyone can see them, they're public". We went back and forth, I was frantic and after we got off the phone, I went through my Instagram and basically purged any attractive female friend I had, and removed any likes I had to any post that might be weird or suspect. From them on I rarely used social media at all - but every few months my ex would find a new friend on my social media she didn't like, or suspected - even after I stopped interacting with social media at all.
This same sort of low-level suspicion persisted throughout our relationship. If I was looking at my phone, she wanted to know what I was reading, who I was talking to, etc. I have never cheated on a partner in my life, in fact I had been cheated on twice - so the sort of dull, constant suspicion really upset me - and after a while it almost felt like she was trying to manifest / discover some kind of secret infidelity. The tragic part is that we got along great otherwise, she loved my (male) friends, loved my family, and we had a relaxed and loving relationship besides occasional flare ups. But the suspicion never went away, or changed - and this sort of underlying insecurity was a constant background white noise of our relationship. She especially took a disliking to my roommates girlfriend, and made it a point to always talk about how much she disliked her, how they weren't going to last - etc (I can't say I blame her, the girl in question was not awesome .. but I never understood why his g/f should have such an outsized effect on our relationship). Despite all this, I thought she was an a kind, empathic, intelligent woman - and I saw a life with her, I saw starting a family with her - as real possiblities.
She grew very attached to my family, which also started to make me wonder what was going on. Many times, first thing in the morning, before coffee or anything else, she'd ask me "how's your mom? how's your dad?" - and would always want to know if she was 'still their favorite'. The first few times I thought it was charming - but it kept going on, to the point I had to push back and ask her "hey, please stop asking me first thing in the morning about the status of my family" ... for reference, I lived on the opposite side of the country from them, and would only get to see them for the holidays (which she was always invited to). I had a very challenging period of my life with my family, from 15-30 my family was fractured, my parents split up, it was messy ... but through years of effort, and time and patience forgiveness, I had built strong, loving relationships with both my parents individually, and my siblings besides. I sometimes got the sense that she even loved my family more than me, and that I was - weirdly - almost an obstacle between her and them. I told her as much, that sometimes I almost was jealous of how much she loved them, and wished that she could point that in my direction sometimes - knowing that they would be part of the package. She never did that same work with her own family - who were deeply dysfunctional, combative and sometimes outright hostile to one another. As crazy as it sounds, I often felt like she was almost trying to reap the rewards of the many years of hard work I had done - without an appreciation for how hard it had been to build new, adult relationships with my parents.
After a year and a half she found a new job, in a new industry, at a high profile company - and for the first six months she was there, she seemed to be able to manage the stress. I asked her if she wanted to maybe find a place together, to move in together for real ... but she kind of brushed it off. I would ask her again every few months, and would be met with the same sort of half-maybe-sorta-we'll-see ...
She suffered a major concussion two years into our relationship, which is when things really started to change. She never went to therapy, or saw a doctor to get treated ... and as the months went by, she became obsessed, almost addicted, to her job. It was all-consuming for her, and occupied all her thought and effort and time ... our relationship became an afterthought, and would mostly be relegated to her staying over (because my apt was closer to her office than her parent's house) - then me cooking her breakfast and seeing her off in the morning - and getting take out when she got back at night. She became more and more locked into her job, and our relationship became more and more platonic and less and less romantic / sexual... which is not uncommon when people are stressed out, or exhausted - but we couldn't seem to find time or space to fix what was happening. We talked, and communicated - but her reaction to stress was to go inside herself, and cut the world off -> and my stress reaction has often been the same.
We grew more and more distant over the next year, I also got a new job that ate up a ton of my time, so we would only see each other for an hour or two in the evenings, or on the weekends when we were up for it. I have a habit of pushing the people I care about away when I am not doing well emotionally .. it's the biggest recurring issue I've had in my life. I've been to therapy for it, and have ways to manage stress including meditation, exercise and a healthy diet - all of which allow me to function. But as the months went by, I got more and more stressed out as we became more distant - and I started to fall apart, and started to feel more and more alone and isolated. I'm sure I could have been better, or more attentive, or more patient ... and I in no way want to trying to pin any blame on her. After all, I'm just 1/2 of the relationship, and 1/2 of the story. After not seeing each other for a few weeks, I had to go out of town for a week for my job - to deal with a long and stressful convention ... and when I came back, we didn't see each other for another week.
I wanted her to come see me, but couldn't come out and say it ... I wanted her to intuit my needs, which she OF COURSE was not able to do. She wanted me to tell her I desperately wanted to see her, which she couldn't articulate because she wanted ME to intuit her needs ... and round and round it went. Lack of communication.
We did see each other eventually, what started as a small disagreement blew up. It started after my ex starting talking about my roommate's girlfriend, or she said something nasty about her. I was upset because we hadn't seen each other in weeks, why would this girl be the first thing on her mind? What about us? I totally overreacted and pushed her away - it was a long and stupid argument, where we both ended up dredging up things from months and years before .. we broke up, she left. In my self-righteous indignation, I felt justified in the moment ... but as the hours passed, and days passed, I was miserable and knew I had made a horrible mistake. My friends at the time told me I'd done the right thing, and that we had long standing issues that I had been mentioning throughout our relationship ... she liked her well enough, but wanted me to be happy, and told me that I had, ultimately, done what I thought was right at the time - and not to doubt myself. But I did, I got fully stuck in my head about it - and was desperate (yes, the D word) to try again.
Over the next few weeks she totally ignored me, wouldn't respond to my calls, or messages. I didn't expect her to - but I practically begged her to give it another chance with me. But she had totally shut down, and in her (later) words "she was never going to speak to me again." She did, eventually, after a few weeks, respond to me. We talked, I apologized, tried to explain that she was the world to me, and I knew I had made a massive mistake, and desperately wanted a chance to try again - to make things right.
She agreed, eventually. We met up for dinner, and slowly talked things out - I was still honestly pretty upset, but we kept seeing each other, started making it a point to go on dates, to get to know each other again. She believed I had cheated on her, that I had met another woman and that this had all been a pretext ... I caught her going through my phone after I got out of the shower. There was nothing to find, but I couldn't believe that she still, after years together, suspected I had been unfaithful to her. But that was just a bump in the road, we talked it out. Things seemed to be getting better. We shared an amazing thanksgiving together, and I genuinely felt like we had turned a corner and were as close as we had ever been ... so did she.
The next Monday, at work, she got another concussion - worse than the first. From this point on, her entire personality shifted ... Which I have learned, in the months that followed, is just something that can happen with head trauma. She didn't want to spend time together nearly as much, she fully retreated into herself, and her family. She wouldn't come visit at all anymore - even if I was willing to pick her up / drop her off ... she would only agree to meet for platonic dinners at a halfway point between our houses. She started seeing a doctor, a neurologist, doing PT work ... but she just kept seeming to get further and further away. If I invited her over, she was always want to know if my roomate's g/f "might" be there, or if we'd be alone ... and if there was even a chance this girl would be there (even though we could spend time in my room, or in the common living room without interference) - my ex would just stay home.
Six or seven months of this went by ... we kept sort of drifting apart, and it seemed like no matter how much I tried to communicate, or bridge the divide between us (which, to be honest, it felt like I was doing 3/4 of the work to keep this thing going) - we just kept drifting. After her second concussion, we stopped being intimate all together ... she was still convinced I had been with other women while we were apart, and demanded I get tested for STDs for her to trust me again. I let my pride get in the way, and should just have done it - but I had not been with or dated anyone else in the few weeks we were apart, and I couldn't get over that she still wouldn't trust me at my word.. after almost 4 years together, I still had to prove myself.
But I didn't, I was stubborn and dug my heels in - so our last potential shot at intimacy evaporated. We became basically platonic buddies ... we still loved each other, said we loved on another every day - but I always felt like I was chasing her, hoping for some kind of emotional connection or breakthrough or common ground that never manifested. By the time July rolled around, I was a total mess ... I felt completely alone, isolated, and like the person I knew and loved had drifted off, and there wasn't a way to get her back. For two months I said that I was really struggling, I was feeling really disconnected and that I missed her all the time - that I wanted to get back to baseline but didn't know how, and that I wanted her help or guidance. She said she felt like she was gradually getting back to where she started, but had no clear picture of how long that might take, and couldn't give me any kind of definitive answer if things would get better again - or how things might get better again.
It never happened. With another month-long work event looming on the horizon, and my stress levels climbing and climbing, I felt like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Eventually, after one of our platonic dates, I had a full on breakdown, and tearfully told her how isolated I was feeling, how I felt like I'd lost her, and how I felt totally clueless how to fix things. She had no ideas to offer, no guidance on how to navigate any of this, and no suggestions how to get back to some kind of baseline. It all poured out from both sides ... she didn't feel like she could trust me ever since we'd got back together, I felt like she neve really let me back in. But we both agreed that that one thanksgiving had been amazing ... and we wished we could find a way back to that place - but had no idea how.
I told her I needed a month, or two, I needed to start seeing a therapist, I needed to put myself back together because I felt like I was falling apart. I told her I wished that we could take a breathe - and come back on more solid footing because I had fucked up when I broke things off before. I had come back from a place of sadness and desperation - and had not given either of us a chance to heal before trying to undo the damage I'd caused. I wanted to meet her on even footing, from a place of mutual strength and try again ...
To her, this was just me breaking up with her again.. which I tried to say "no, I don't want to lose you, but I'm fucked up and need to just right the ship a bit in my life because I am totally losing it ..." But, sometimes it doesn't matter. To her, I was leaving her again, giving up. I had no idea if she'd speak to me again, but I felt so broken I didn't know what else to do.
I took two months, without contact, and started seeing a therapist, started exercising again, got through my hell-month at work. I tried reaching out again to her, multiple times after that ... but I never heard back. A few months went by - I missed her more and more, I didn't heal or get better, I didn't feel like I'd done the right thing. My friends told me I had, my family was supportive - my friends especially have told me time and time again that ultimately, I did the right thing, that I did what was right 'for me' ... but to me, the reassurance didn't matter. There was a giant, gaping hole in my life that I had no idea what to do with. This was a woman I had wanted to marry, that I had wanted to life with, to build and share a life with -> and at one point, I know she wanted the same. I felt so terrible, and couldn't handle the memories of the place I was in, that I resigned from my job (which was ok, it was a horrible grind, that while it paid ok, didn't have any kind of upward mobility) .. and after a lot of thought, I moved back across the country because it was too painful for me to be in that place, surrounded by the memories - living with the ghosts. My friend group had been slowly dispersing, getting new jobs in new cities, having kids and getting on with life - and I didn't see a reason to stay anymore. I debated reaching out to my ex to let her know I was moving - but it had been months without a word, she had not responded to any of my attempts to talk to her, to meet her even for coffee, or to return the few things of hers I still had - and I knew that if I did reach out - it would ultimately be a selfish act, hoping that somehow she might say 'oh no, he's leaving for good' ... so I didn't. I'm still not sure if she knows I left.
I've been saying with family, slowly putting the pieces of my life back together. I'm taking classes, and plan on switching careers into a new field that I may actually am passionate about. I'll find my own place again in a month or two, but truth is I missed my family dearly, and have been helping both my aging parents with years of neglected repairs and yard work - and seeing my siblings and their families again after a decade of living on the opposite coast and getting to see them 'maybe' once a year around the holidays. Plus after paying insane rent to random landlords for over a decade, its been nice to have a few months of feeling grounded, and to put work into where I'm living. My family has been thrilled, and glad to have me around again.
But it's made no difference, really. I still think of her every day. Some days are easier than others, and I can manage to stay focused on classes and work and fitness - but in so many ways my life feels totally hollow now. I'm stuck wondering if I completely fucked up a good thing, and wasted what might have been my last shot at starting a family of my own, of having a real partner. I'm 41, realistically my chances get slimmer by the year. Or maybe I did totally the right thing, and I got out of a degenerating situation that had been nagging at me for months and months that something was deeply wrong. Or maybe it was somewhere in between those two poles. There's no way to know, and I'm limited to my own side, and my own perspective - and trapped in that middle ground of wondering how things "MIGHT" have gone had X Y or Z happened differently. I wish I had some kind of clarity, or certainty, but I don't.
I guess things are getting a bit easier, as the days and weeks and months go by - but its only by fractions of a degree. I miss her, or maybe just miss the person she used to be, if that person still exists. Head trauma is ... complicated - because the person looks the same, sounds the same ... but the person you knew, the person you fell in love with, isn't really the same person anymore. Its almost like, mourning the death of someone who is still alive, if that makes sense.
So here I am, taking it one day at a time, hoping for some brighter tomorrow, some slow healing or revelation or clarity that I did the right thing - but all I have are doubts. There's no closure to be found because all I ever got was silence. I've done everything people have recommended - focused on myself, focused on health and fitness, focus on learning new skills, on meeting new people, gone on dates, focused on family, focused on growing -> but it hasn't helped the giant, gaping hole in my life, and the never-ending uncertainty.
I expect no sympathy, or empathy ... and knowing reddit, I'll get a lot of people piling on to tell me what a piece of shit I am, lol'ing at how I fucked up my own life, and telling me she's better off without me. But then again sometimes even Reddit can surprise you with the insightful and thoughtful responses. More than anything, I just wanted to write this down somewhere, anywhere - to get it out of my head and my heart. Because the more it stews, the worse I feel. Thanks for reading, if you managed to make it this far.. its a long, messy, meandering story without any real ending. Will I hear from her again? Probably not. Will I get over her? Eventually I'm sure ... but what happens between now and then is anyone's guess. What ever it is, it'll happen on day, one moment at a time.
tldr; sometimes things just end - without someone cheating, or abusing the other person, or any real good way to sum it up. Life and relationships are long, complicated, nuanced and messy. Take care all, appreciate what you have while you have it, take it one day at a time

I (27F) last last winter (2022) wrote a long letter to my mom. I poured my heart into it, I cried the whole time writing it. I showed it to my husband to make sure I wasn’t being too mean in my writing towards my mom. I showed it to my stepsister to again make sure it was okay and made sense and to get emotional support (I’m Mexican and I didn’t want to push too far because i understand how deep generational trauma is and the parent child dynamic) I even showed it to my stepdad who immediately called me apologizing for the things I wrote in the letter (which I will get into in a moment) and was telling me about how he will divorce her (I didn’t want that and made me feel shitty) and explained why some scenarios ended up the way they did. Everyone encouraged me to send it. I was so confident that my mom was going to read it and drive over ? Write back? Call me. Something ! So I mailed it. (I mailed it because I instantly cry every time I try talking to her in person about not surface level things, it would of been easier getting words out especially when having to translate to Spanish)
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being yelled at for not cleaning everyday (I was the only child who would clean the kitchen and pick up leaves in the fall and stuff), sometimes she would clean again after I would do it. when asking to teach me how to do it better I would be ignored -asking her a question and being ignored -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -about the time she grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the shower because I forgot to pick up the hairs I left in there after my shower -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were (a lot of the meanness was when it was just my mom and I) it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.

5:36 PM Wed 5/8/24
Mood: Terrible
Title: Alone
Details: Last year I was told that there is a whole universe out there of people to find. And that I was being endlessly supported and that people were inspired by me.
This year I learned what it's like to be hunted and chased away from goodness. It has been the worst year of my entire life and with the knowledge that there is a whole universe out there--I feel lonelier than I was before.
Not a single person wants well for me. I have to translate my thoughts, behavior, intentions, symptoms, and soul to everyone.
There hasn't been a single rest from it in over 330 days. Just endless messes and ridicule and mocking and advances and terrorism.
I'm thought I was tired of people. But I walk outside and love them so much. I learned I'm not tired of people. But I'm so so so tired of loneliness.
Being around others doesn't stop you from being lonely. Because I'm still translating. My thoughts and feelings are still not reaching and the obvious signals I send to others are being deflected and mistranslated.
I'm tired of translating for to others. On paper it's so easy to understand a person. Watching it's easy to understand and to judge. But actually reacting appropriately to context and injustice and neurodivergence even is so lost to people.
This is why I wanted to write my story. Because people don't know how to cope. They don't know how to accept bad things. They don't know the difference between bad people and good people and even today our societies are too primitive to understand it.
They're still theororizing, contemplating, changing information for their gain...never have I seen any type of science be so abstractly and subjectively defiled as I've seen happen with mental health and neurodivergence.
People cannot separate the symptom from the person and punish and subjugate and continue to dominate those less fortunate.
I'm glad I know what happens to people they don't like. I know how dangerous people can be.
I wish I had someone to protect me. So I still find myself praying and wishing for one person. Just one person I don't have to translate myself to. Just one person I don't have to have grow tired of me. Just one person I don't have to compete with.
Growing up I was used to competing. Siblings, cousins, friends. In public AND private school there's always someone or something to compete. Today I compete with my parents and yesterday I compete with women who love the one I thought I loved.
I grew accustomed to hating my own birthday because of jealousy around it because my uncle was upset he shared it with my brother and I. And because I could never have it the way I enjoyed later. Too much. I'm too much. Too far. Too long. Too attention-seeking.
I had my chance as a teen with two friends so why isn't that enough for me? My parents were happy that I finally was taking a break from illness but since I got what I asked for then I'm a spoiled ass. As if they ever treated me better even then. Golden children are still abused even when the roles swap. Because no pleasantness is atrocious.
My family told me I was fat and going to get diabetes and have a heart attack and die despite never talking to me and being in high school--where weight isn't even done being "distributed" until your mid twenties. Thanks to the prime golden child my sister.
I'm tired of fighting and competing to be heard and to have needs met and to come across as kind or kinder. It's killing me.
Why can't I ever just be me?
Why can't I ever just be my authentic self? The one I want to be as a form of worship? Me in all my phases and feelings?
Why do I have to stuff myself down or look beautiful when I'm suffering in order to be a good and kind person worth saving?
I understand Nettle so much now. I wish I never did.
If I didn't have vocal fry would I be loved? If I didn't have fat would I be loved? If I didn't have brown or blonde hair would I be loved? If I forgave my parents and suffered quietly would I be loved?
If I had sweet doe eyes or a light mousy voice would someone finally think I had autism?
The ones I see on tiktok are drop dead gorgeous women with huge colorful lives and opportunities and get to complain about "pretty privelege"
Some have a light airiness to them that make them seem like fae.
And there's me who never fits anywhere or with anyone.
I have nothing and no one and absolutely no point.
I was okay before--before I had drive and passion to find my people. Before I had dreams of finding my way and accomplishing things. Before I had just one person.
It's so cruel. The people in this world are so cruel. I just want one person.
One person from God--and loving can be worship too. I'm too tired for much else.
Just one person to save me from their damnation that seems to last forever.
I'm so exhausted all the time.
My body hurts. My head hurts. My nerves feel like nothing.
I feel hopeless. Empty. I feel like the woman from my dream.
I feel betrayed--like others saw my future and pushed me into it head first with some kind of pre-revenge. Pinched. Twisted. Groped. Lost. Forced.
Called an attention whore. Gold digger.
I feel confused. People are trying desperately to make sure no one understands me.
I'm one girl. Against a whole universe and groups of people.
The emotional, psychological, and societal manipulation is obscure.
I keep reading revelations 2:24 to feel better.
It feels like Thyatira. I'm trying to hold fast to the idea that God may rescue me from whatever this is. A trial--make believe--experimentation--prisonment for knowing too much.
He asks we wait patiently for him to come and rescue us.
And many biblical figures had to wait for years and years. Upwards to like 100 if you were Abraham.
So while every day things feel like battle now, I am still trying.
I want to give myself OT and PT...I've done it for others so it can't be hard.
And with the flashbacks and emotional flashbacks and meltdowns and outbursts...I'm going to try treating myself for PTSD too.
Until I get the help I need somehow--I don't know what else to do.
I know others are tired of helping me. When you don't seem to receive pleasantness it's par for the course.
But I'm tired of competing for needs to be met. Can't everyone just work harder to understand bodies and minds and signals--then people would have their needs met and there'd be no need to compete.
I'm tired of fighting for myself. I'm tired of doing it alone.
I'm tired of being with others and doing it lonely.
The world isn't just crumbling due to climate change. Our minds are shifting and crumbling with it.
It makes sense. The weather affects people. Everyone I know is so tired. There's no way we are evolved enough to know God and be in his presence. There's no way we are advanced. Even this phone feels archaic to me--the programs we use feel archaic.
I understand now why capitalism is seen as demonic and evil. The control of drip marketing contents and technology is so slow and pointless.
Our resources are depleting. War is happening still. Communism wouldn't help either. It's the same song with a different tune.
I'll keep living because that's what he wants from people. I want to make God proud. I want people's lives to be easier.
I want people to stop competing and performing and wanting to die drenched in lies.
Maybe that's why it's a sin to lie. It halts evolution not just on others but yourself too. Living a lie halts growth.
It's difficult but Faith seems to be the part that is supposed to ground you in it. Like--I don't know WHY I can't lie in this situation but I have to be honest.
Anyways in these moments I wonder if philosophy and religion is a coping skill or a turning something bad into something good.
I guess I should just keep doing what I need to do and not what others want me to do.
It seems whenever I do what others want I suffer more than before.
I usually value collaboration. But when others Stop valuing it--then it's time for something to be done.
These people are messed up. They have no emotional retention. They have no ability to remember the things they do--Like it doesn't exist to them.
The heat, my hormones shifting, the trauma of seeing her again, and other things seemed to trigger a huge meltdown? Fight or flight? PTSD attack?
No wonder the woman from my dream was so empty--her body and mind have been through war and emotional, psychological, and spiritual survival.
I can only pray that I'm not chemically like a porn addicted person--I don't want to lose the idea that sex to me is love. After everything I mean.
I don't have the time in life to heal. There's so much I have to do and everyone still sees me as a wallet drainer and leech.
I don't trust anyone to help me. I don't trust anyone to love me. I don't trust love because it's not enough to make these other things go away.
I understand why people are calling for a civil war on the rich. And their help? To not be seen as bad people? Their help is "we will make others more like us!"
Natural selection affects them too.
Which is funny. They think they've escaped it ofc. I do think that people are right. Celebrities and other rich people aren't useful anymore.
They don't have much use anymore.
Anyways.
I feel lonely. I feel trauma everywhere. Like I've always been hit by a bus.
It's ironic I think--the "I wouldn't do it without a trained professional" people are so dangerous.
I did better without them...always.
It's hard not to hate life.
I always have to compete for needs and wants and sacrafice them.
For siblings, friends, lovers, parents, students, strangers, buyers, consumers, voices...
I sacrafice for these people to have better all the time. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I don't have anything else to provide but what I can scrounge up and then hand off or step aside.
I just want someone.
Someone who knows and loves me and understands me in full.
I can't let these people take away my voice or my story or my dreams for myself when they're already so blessed.
Only those well off say "you should be grateful"
What you did to survive and achieve versus what I did will never be the same.
So I'll hopefully find a way. To let my future husband be able to comfort me and know me in full after this whole experience. I'll find a way for him to know every page in my story and leaf through and bookmark his favorites.
Who in the universe would take away that from their victims so easily? That they could just have one?
These people can be vampires.
I get tired--I fall asleep--they suck the energy out of me.
They leave all their bad thoughts behind.
The world needs a miracle.
Activities: Food Sleep Screens
Emotions: Hurt Overwhelmed Confused Lonely Stressed Empty Hopeless
Unhelpful Thought: I'll never be well. No one will ever understand me. No one does. I'm alone. I'm always alone and I'll always be alone. People will only ever take from me or use me. People want me to die. My parents want me to die. I end up believing them and wanting it too.
I'll never have a life. I'll never have my own life. I'll never be me. I'll never be free.
Cognitive Distortions: Fortune-telling Self-blaming
Challenge: I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much trauma in such little time. I'm so sorry you have to fight to comfort yourself and your fight response has increased so astronomically.
It must be scary to have to use it. It must be scary to never know when the pain will stop or when they will cause your attacks to start.
I don't know much about PTSD but considering the flashbacks and how even in moments for you they violate every piece of you--it only makes sense that you have resorted to fighting. I'm sorry you're body has to respond so uncomfortably and abnormally.
But try to remember that these are all normal responses to the abnormal. Your body is scared and terrified and it's been 330 days of exhaustion. The fatigue makes sense. The survival instincts makes sense. Your body and brain are working so hard for you so you can keep loving one day when the trauma responses ebb away.
There's no cure that I know of for these ailments. PTSD, depression, SAD, anxieties, potential autism. All these comorbidities must be eating away at you. The fact that they keep triggering you doesn't help either.
I'm sorry they push you. I'm sorry you've been through rape. I'm sorry you can barely pick up the pieces before they hurt you again.
I'm sorry I have to be the one to apologize to you for everything that's happened and still happens. I'm sorry they abuse you as you try to write and don't listen to no or clear boundaries.
The only advice I can think to give so you may have peace in these moments is to stop saving them. Let the bad continue to do bad. Let the Rapists continue to be Rapists. Do not work to absolve them of anything or bring good from their lives.
They're learning how to hurt you in different ways instead. They're recruiting new people late to everything instead.
Teeny tiny Tina, I'm still working so hard for you to be loved. I'm working so hard for you to stay safe. For you and I to stop fighting.
For you and I to stop freezing and being abused and for them to push you your fight responses and fear of your own body.
I'm sorry they tell you it's demons. When it's her. I'm sorry she won't leave you alone. I'm sorry she and others won't have boundaries with you.
I'm sorry they use you to teach her what her Delusions look like in another person because she forgets to be a human in others bodies and can't let her ego go.
I'm sorry they drug you so she can be comforted.
I'm sorry they don't know what you are going through. When I write as if I'm not you I can't imagine this pain.
I hope one day you are safe and rescued. I hope one day you find someone who will save you from her and them and the ones who abuse you.
I know my hopes are meaningless and that under normal circumstances when you are only you--I can always write meaningful advice without resorting to vapid generics.
I hope that one day you can be enough for yourself again.
I hope they don't bleed you dry. Don't kill yourself no matter what they say and do and feed on altruistic notions.
It's a complete mind fuck. The support needs to come from you. When they do it--don't believe them.
May you find peace Tina.
Alternative Thought: You will be saved. You will find help. Normal people know that it's wrong. These stars are illusions.
Normal people can help better. Find a community that can give you a break and accept you. That won't let your mind fall apart.
Don't let their ironic wishes for you give you peace. Don't let it give THEM peace. They don't mean it they just want it to be them.
Do not be like them. Do not live a lie. Address your hatred front on. Address why you hate front on so you may be free from it.
Do not be like them. Keep the bible in mind but please be who you want to be--which is exactly how God created and therefore called you to be.
Your calling is to heal and fight hatred for now.
Your calling is to find safety. May the lord bear you on eagles wings.
You do not have religious psychosis. You need to keep remembering who the fuck you are.
You are too smart for your own good. You are too self sacrificing for your own good. You see the bad in the good for people to address and attack and heal. You are kind when not under duress. You have illness. You need diagnosis. You have had terrible things happen. Surreal and awful. You always find a way to make things right. You always grow and evolve and change. You are you and others will not visibly see it.
Keep your self grounding mindfulness. Mindfulness is not oppression. It's a tool for a single person. Yourself. Not others.
Keep steady. Take a walk. Do something new. Discover something. Don't just stay in your mind doing it all there.
You need stimulation. You may be close to the end of figuring what you need to figure out out.
Then look at these thoughts and see how little and small they are in comparison to who you are and how you faced them. You are always seeking to heal and retain your values. That dualism and unobstructed steadfastness is your namesake.
It's in your birthday, your name, your experiences, your ring, your prayers, your loves, your hates, your stories, and every part of you.
You can never not be you. Except when your free will is in the hands of another.
Keep fighting for peace. Write and draw and explore within your means. Your life may seem so small but the meaning you have, the blessings God gave you to remember, the irreplaceable meaning everywhere is a gift from him.
And with this you never stop creating. Up and down. Up and down. If David in all his emotional complexities is a "man after God's own heart" then allow yourself to fall and thank God for his discipline.
He corrects those he accepts. He shows the wisdom of it to those he loves.
Keep his ever present and obvious love for you in your heart.
And even though you think Jonah is so funny, please allow yourself to give "testimony" one day and ask people to repent and show them God's love. Be unashamed. Be devoted. Be passionate. Don't let others kill your fire.
You know what it's like. You know what thoughts come from these terrible scenarios. You know how badly you want saving.
Others do too.
Show people that God's love IS unconditional. And learn and translate and write.
Translate God's Holy Spirit and intentions and goals to others.
He will bless you. He is pursuing your heart.
Remember how small the flaws are in others in comparison to them. How little it means for them to dislike what you do or help the opposing neighbor.
You are admired. And sometimes admiration turns bad and becomes jealousy.
You are very lonely. And you have learned ways to find yourself in all the versions of loneliness there are.
You are used. You are abused.
And that story lives and cannot be erased no matter how hard they try. Eternity is the sock that fell from their push. It feels so inescapable.
Your healing and self growth is awkward.
But you can still live. And you love others enough to be awkward with them.
Let yourself remember that this means that you love yourself to be awkward with yourself and allow it.
In that way you have already broken one cycle. That people need to see you in good perfect ways in order to have even self love.
You are strong. You are so passionate. And still while moored and mired in guck and hatred you still do everything out of love.
For yourself and others.
Your own body even is reflecting that incredibly. Your brain doesn't WANT to give up. It wants to fight, to survive, to fawn, to freeze.
Your brain and body is fighting for your love. Your self love and your future love and your love for others.
It's natural to feel this exhaustion after it all.
Tell yourself a new fortune too. A new self attribution. Balance it out.
You're going to always have love. It's in all your cells and the things you touch.
When you drop what you like and feel pain--however small--that tiny regret is love.
Your love is worth it. Your drive to be well is always worth it.
We are adapting. Love yourself enough to be awkward with it. It will feel really big and like the world is ending because it's the first time you've felt these ways.
God bless you.

No names, but I played on (and was paid for) a session for a friend. I just found out that one of those songs was released as a b-side in 1991, the other in 1993, and both were featured on a ‘collection’ album fairly recently.
Just weird to think he never mentioned it (I had occasionally asked him for a copy of the session over the years, just to have for my personal discography) and that songs I played on are out in the world.
No credits, either (it’s ok, I was paid, as I said).
Just…odd. I’ll probably delete this in a bit, but I had to tell someone 😂

Hello! Just as the name suggests, I’m looking for someone to roleplay with! Before messaging me, I would like it if you could read through. Let me start off by introducing myself, and telling you about myself so you get a good idea of who I am, and if that doesn’t scare you off then great!
My name is Euphie or Ras, whichever is fine, I’ve been roleplaying for several years and even aspire to write a book at some point. I work, have a spouse, and I also do a lot of gaming, anime watching and binging. Roleplay wise: I am comfortable doubling up, playing male and female roles, I have diverse characters (they’re all not mary sues) and I’m big on communicating with my partner. I can do semi-literate to literate, and be able to match what my partner gives. I do not mind playing Canon character’s, it’s not my strong point but I’m down to try anything. Just so I know you have read through this properly; tell me what is the capital of Hawaii?
What I’m looking for; I’ll try to keep this simple. I do require a few things from my partner if they are to RP with me but they’re not too bad.
1.) Please be older than 21. I’m older than 25, it’s a bit weird for me.
2.) Be comfortable playing Male Roles and or Doubling up. I like to play both genders; but I’m still rusty when it comes to being a man. Most of my men are morally gray buttheads anyways.
3.) Communicate. This is my biggest thing. I’ve had people ghost me a lot, or suddenly change their mind when they realized I’m not 24/7 waiting to talk to them. I’ve also had people drop me over little misunderstandings. Just to let you know, I will likely ask you multiple times for clarification.
4.) GOOGLE DOC/Discord. I only roleplay through Google Doc, I try not to use Discord a lot but for the right moment I will heavily contemplate it!
I am looking for several things. * is how I will rate how badly I’m wanting it. *** is the most.
Fandoms:
***Baldur’s Gate 3 / OC x Canon / Either; Gale, Astarion or Halsin: I have a vague idea for this, I would be willing to double and play whoever.
**Harry Potter / OC x Canon / Draco Malfoy - Again, I can play whoever for you, I have a storyline for this.
*** Call Of Duty / OC x Canon / Either; Soap MacTavish, Alejandro Vargas. Same as before.
*** Bridgerton - The new season is coming and I am heavily excited for it. So, anything themed. Prefer double up and maybe OC x OC.
Tropes:
NOTE: Do not come into my DMs wanting....more than just RP.
***Second Chance: MC1 and MC2 dated for years until one day MC1 left town, never to be heard from again, MC2 moved on and eventually either a funeral or a wedding happens and MC1 is back in town many years later. I have a plot for this. I’VE BEEN WANTING FOR LIKE EVER to roleplay this.
** Best Friends Brother - MC3 is MC2’s best friend, and grew up together. MC3 is MC2’s brother who went off to the military after graduating High School. MC1 has not needed MC3 since they graduated highschool nearly 10 years ago.
*** The One Night Stand - After a fling, both character’s go separate ways. MC1s family is hosting an event (maybe they’re rich or own a company), only to be reintroduced to MC2 who is investing into MC1’s family's business or whatever.
** Fake It - MC1 needs to marry someone in order to maintain their social status AND MC2 is struggling financially to help their family , so MC1 devises a plan to fake marry MC2 and in return, MC1 will help MC2s family.
I’m also open to fantasy related things like:
Arranged Marriages. Princess x Knight. Demon x Priest/Priestess.
Feel free to DM me if you have any ideas!

My apologies in advance if this is long. I was in an abusive relationship/marriage for 23 years. This incident happened when we were still friends. If I had I only known the truth when this had originally happened, I would have been saved from decades of emotional, psychological, verbal, physical, sexual, and physical abuse. (And currently post-separation abuse).
The cast: me, my ex Bub (Beelzebub), my ex-crush B, Bub's gf M, Bub's bf V (It will make sense when you read it.)
TW: Suicide, self-harm, abuse
We met through a mutual friend. We became really close really quickly. He was 17 and I was 19. We would talk for hours about anything and everything. I was raised around domestic abuse, and my family was highly dysfunctional. I suffered severe trauma as a child being raised in this environment with an abusive father and brother. (His namesake). By the time I met Bub, I had been having mental health struggles for many years. To deal with the trauma I still suffered from I would self-harm by cutting frequently. I also had been in a psychiatric hospital twice for suicide attempts. I told Bub about all of this, and he knew that I still did it. He was very supportive and would get really sad when I harmed myself.
Since we were just friends we would talk about our crushes. He had a crush on a girl from high school and I had a crush on one of my ex's B, who was also my high school crush. We only dated for 3 weeks, and we decided we were better as friends then lovers. Though we did have a FWB thing going on when we were both single. He really talked up his crush and I really talked up mine.
Two months into our friendship he got a gf. He told me she was a girl he knew from his home city named M. He claimed her mother would babysit him and his brother. He really talked this girl up. She was into all the same things as him. He said she had beautiful red hair, D breasts, liked the same books, movies and music as him. (Yes, he bragged about these things, as disgusting and corny as it sounds now). I was starting to believe he talked her up to make me jealous, which it honestly did. However, I knew it was petty jealousy and I was very happy for him and expressed that to him.
I don't know whose idea it was for her to start communicating with me, but she started emailing me to get to know his best friend (me). I was totally cool with this and was excited to get to know her. Before I know it, she starts getting really nasty with me for no apparent reason. It really upset me. My natural impulse at the time when I was upset was to cut. It was a maladaptive coping mechanism I had for years, and I did it when I was really upset. I explained this to him, and he said he would talk to her. He showed real concern I was harming myself and he also wanted her to stop.
So, he told me he had talked to her, and she had told him she would stop harassing me for no good reason. I really assumed she was jealous and let her know there was nothing to worry about. We were friends and he had a much longer history with her. She didn't stop. She continued to say the vilest and f'd up things to me, including making crass and insensitive comments about my suicidal ideation and self-harm. Naturally I was really upset and cut myself pretty badly. I still have the scar.
This basically went on until they broke up a month later. He said she was doing heroin, and he was vehemently against drugs. He said that they had a good friend that died of an OD, and he couldn't be with her if she was going to do that. It was over. She never contacted me again.
Not long after that B (my ex-bf) had come back from bootcamp. I spent a good deal of time with him while he was on home for leave for two weeks before he shipped out overseas. We decided in that time that we would no longer be FWB because I was starting to have feelings for Bub. Me and Bub started dating right after that. He ended up telling me that him and M didn't really date, and he had only told me that to make me jealous. AHA! I was correct!
So, I asked to meet her. He was a bit hesitant at first, but he finally agreed. At this point his bf V from his home city was dating her. It was the perfect opportunity to meet her as like a double date. I will say, at that time in my life I could be possessive and jealous. Not proud of it, but I was young and immature. I ended up treating her pretty snidely because of this.
One night we were out with them, and Bub got into a car accident. We ended up having to call his dad for a ride home. When we got to his home, his dad was contemplating letting them sleep there. I whispered in Bub's ear that I was not okay with his ex-gf sleeping at his house. She overheard me tell him this. She pulled me aside and told me they never dated. WHAT? I was furious. Bub made eye contact with me, and by the look on his face, I could tell he knew what she told me. The ride back, to drop them at home in his dad's car, was uncomfortable to say the least.
After he dropped them off, I confronted him. His explanation was I was so pushy to meet her, but he knew how jealous I could be, so he didn't want to actually introduce me to the real M. Ends up V was dating a girl with the same name. I felt so stupid and betrayed. I wanted to end it, but he seemed so remorseful I ended up giving him another chance.
Well, the years go rolling by, and I hear no more about this girl who he was so close with, in the past. Bub was a very charismatic person with a lot of friends. He never stopped speaking to friends permanently and they would come in and out of his life. I found it a little odd that there was no mention of her but didn't think much else of it. I also never really formally met her.
Then Facebook became a thing. He ended up being friends with every person he had ever known. Except her. I would bring it up and he would always have some excuse. We ended up moving in with his brother in 2015. I wasn't really around his brother a lot, so I never got a chance to talk to him at length. I remember at one point I brought her up. I was just so curious at the mystery girl and wanted to see if he was still in touch with her. He told me he didn't know what I was talking about. He said his mother never left them with babysitters and only worked when they were in school.
"What does that mean," I'm thinking. WTF does that mean? I brought it up to Bub and he told me she only babysat a few times so his brother probably forgot. But this didn't sit right with me. He had told me that she would babysit them frequently. He denied ever saying the frequency. What could I do but believe him? It had been almost 15 years by that point. That's a long time to keep a secret like that. Surely, he was telling me the truth. I dropped it for good.
We get married that year. We had a child the next year. We had a stillborn a year after that. All this time until 2022, I started feeling really uneasy about our relationship. I started suspecting that his behavior towards me was abusive.
Sidenote: I didn't include all the abusive behaviors in this post, as it would be a novel if I did. I'm simply recalling the events around the catalyst to my descent into hell.
By the end of 2022 I was broken. I had gotten my first of what would end up being 3 TROs against him. I dismissed the first two. (The second was a dual, as he set up a situation that created the need for me to defend myself. He claimed I wasn't defending myself. That's a story for another day). After the first two, I was still so desperate to salvage my marriage with my eternal hope that he could change. I was just so broken by then I didn't think I deserved any better, and no one else could possibly want a worthless, pitiful broken mess like me.
The summer of 2023, while laying sleepless in bed, the memory of M flashed through my mind. I started remembering details I had long forgotten. Why did I never meet her? Why was she never his friend on Facebook? Why had neither of them reached out to each other? I had met every person he talked about, or he was at least friends with them on Facebook. Why not her? Why did his brother not remember? Why did he say M's mother babysat them all the time? I KNOW he originally said that damn it! Why was her email address, at only 17-years-old, her first and last name? 17-year-olds don't use their names like professionals. They call themselves sparklybutterflies86 for christ's sakes! This was all going through my head.
The next day I confronted Bub. I will paraphrase to the best of my memory:
Me: Was M real?
Bub: I thought this had been settled already.
Me: No. No, it hasn't. You told me your brother just did not remember her and that was the last I spoke of it.
Bub: Deadpanned looking me right in the eye "No. She wasn't real. I thought you knew this by now."
I can't really remember what I said at that point, but it was a lot of "how the fuck could you do that? and other expletives. His excuse was he was an insecure teenager, and he was jealous of B and how much I talked about him. A fucking insecure teenager. Talking up his high school crush didn't make me jealous, so he made up a gf.
He pretended to be a gf, who went on to harass the shit out me. Which caused me to be so distraught that I cut myself. He knew I was harming myself and he kept on doing it. I still bare the fucking scar from that time. He involved a poor innocent girl that I was fucking terrible to. Not to mention the fake story of a friend that Od'd. And his excuse for this deranged, diabolical, INSANE fucking shit was, "I was an insecure teenager." No fucking big deal, right?
23 years. Two kids. One alive and one deceased. 23 years of complete and utter psychological annihilation with this man.
If only I had known.
If you have come this far, thank you so much for reading. I left him for good October of last year, and I have never felt more free.

Tw: CSA, neglect, emotional and mental abuse, poverty
My mom was very neglectful. She was never actively abusive but never did much to protect me from abuse. I was sexually abused by my step sister for years, which she knew about and didn't do anything. Years and years of emotional and mental abuse from her boyfriends. A loss of electricity, water, heat, and food due to her spending all her money on her partners addictions.
We did therapy and I was willing to forgive her under the assumption that she'd grown and changed, but after a bad experience at a wedding back in August, I don't know if that's so true. I now firmly believe that if I were a child in her care now, she'd do the same thing.
I love her, and I've always desperately wanted her to love me too, and she does... But she's not a proactive parent. I think I'm done with her, but I'm struggling to pull the trigger. I want to, but I can't seem to make myself do it, and I'm not sure why. I guess it's because she was never my main abuser, so it's easy to write it off.
I've made small steps. Unfriending then blocking on Facebook, leaving groupchats, I've stopped responding to messages.
Those of you with neglectful parents, how did you do it? What was the final straw? How did you gain the courage to make it happen and how did you do it?
How did you know you were doing the right thing by going NC?

Hi there! I’m 26, CST, and female!
SFW ONLY.
Message me with your age, timezone (US Timezones Preferred), what plot you’re interested in, and a sample of your writing if you’re interested!
Partner requirements: must be 21 to 35 years old - Must play male - write in third person - 2+ paragraphs - must be able to post once a day - Discord Only. - No asterisks - Proper grammar and punctuation please.
Super into enemies to lovers and/or love triangles right now.
Also would love to do something ACOTAR inspired or Hades x Persephone.
Cool, confident characters only. I am not interested in shy/reserved/soft/etc.
Alien x Superhero This is meant to be sort of Avenger-ish with aliens not being liked on Earth. I was thinking maybe your character is one of the heroes against the whole aliens being on the Earth. There’s a march being rumored to happen where aliens wanting to gain citizenship and demand the end of their races being killed. What your character doesn’t know is that his beloved girlfriend is an alien (my character). She’s a shapeshifter type that’s been sneaking out of the house lately for meetings concerning the march.
Rivals I have a few ideas for this one. One resolving around two college aged adults going to the same college, their parents are mafia rivals. Slowly they fall for each other before finding out who they really are, or even an arranged sort of marriage that ties both families together and ends the rivalry... just for a while.
Arranged Marriage: Looking for a more modern to almost futuristic kind of setting. Our characters being forced to marry each other due to a war ending or some other sort of treaty. I would be more than happy to also have some fantasy elements in this.
The Selection: Basically a slightly futuristic twist on the BacheloBachelorette. One prince or princess comes of age and must go through an event called The Selection where they must find love from a specific amount of contestants.
Royal Mistake: a prince from another country comes to America for school under a disguise and fake name, and falls for a regular American commoner.. It calls for big scandals if anyone finds out who the noble in disguise really is.
Fake Fiancée: Y/C and his fiancée have recently called things off. There’s only one real problem to this... He was supposed to bring her to meet the family at a huge family reunion/wedding/event of your choice. He resorts to calling M/C his college best friend or his best friend’s sister… we can discuss that a bit more.