Recall banquet pot pies

So I recently spent the past month and a half working as a banquet server. Though it was mainly weddings. I have horror stories going on for days about drunken rude guest, being shoulder checked, being slapped on the hand by a man who thought I was reaching to take their plate ( I was reaching to refill their water). I realize rather quickly that wedding guest are extremely entitled. And it’s fairly obvious which of them have not been in nicer establishments. As they tend to act how they “think” that wealthy people act. I didn’t last there very long. I just could not take days in a row of not getting a simple “thank you“. I feel like it is important context that I am African-American. I’m sure I just got an eye roll or two, but oh well. Unfortunately the social dynamic of our country bleeds into every aspect of life. And one of my biggest turnoffs was watching how the guest treated some of my coworkers, in comparison to how they treated me, even though we all were working the same position.
For background, my only prior experience to serving was at a well known five star hotel. Those guests were wealthy and had quite literally nothing to prove. They were some of the kindest people I’ve ever met. I can’t even recall a super horror story from working. And one of my biggest turnoffs was watching how the guest treated some of my coworkers, in comparison to how they treated me, even though we all were working the same position.
Anyways. I say all of that to say, I believe both experiences were not of the “norm” when it comes to serving. Who knows maybe restaurant crowds are different. I know it also varies, depending on the restaurant itself, and area. But I like to believe that serving would be a decent side hustle for me and maybe I’ve just had unique experiences?
Hopefully someone was able to follow along and can give me some advice. Is serving for me?

Hey all!
After ~3 years of no progress, I fully recovered in about eight weeks. 97% of the symptoms are gone, including PEM, fatigue, MCAS reactions, and feeling sick most of the time. I’m back to working 9-10h a day with superb cognitive output, training as hard as I can (i.e., 30min peloton 168 bpm, >10k steps a day, lots of bodyweight work during the day), and being truly myself. Gosh, I’m feeling fucking blessed. Like I was asleep for 3y and finally woke up. I have SO MUCH energy. Started a new project, got back to writing essays, hanging out with friends, etc. I’m fucking alive again!
Case summary:
Got a very mild Covid in the beginning of July 2021; didn’t even have fever but felt exhausted (i.e., struggled getting out of bed in the morning) and lost smell and taste; recovered in ~10 days; senses returned in ~2-3 weeks.
Developed neuro issues (cognitive PEM, difficulty thinking) and fatigue during acute covid, literally next day after exposure, and they never went away; this was my first long covid symptom.
Then kept developing more & more symptoms:

• food sensitivities in Aug-Sep 2021
• chronic recurrent sinusitis in Sep 2021
• dysautonomia and POTS in 2022
• stomach (H Pylori), gut, and joints issues in summer 2023
• more sensitivities (cold, heat, pill coating) in summer 2023
• neuropathies, more severe joints issues in late 2023/2024
• recurring viral infections (reactivation?) in May, Sep, Dec 2023, Mar 2024

My major sX on March 2024 were:

1. feeling and being sick most days (fatigue/ugh state, brain fog, reddish cheeks, sinus and ear Sx, sometimes cold sores)
   1. frequent (every month) sinus infections (very thick yellow mucus, severe cognitive dysfunction, sinus and ear Sx: pressure, congestion, postnasal drip, hot ears in the evening)
   2. persistent brain fog/cognitive dysfunction: working and long-term memory issues, slow info processing, word recall troubles, not feeling like myself/depersonalization, etc.
2. mental and physical PEM
3. MCAS: allergy-like reactions to foods (esp high-histamine), cold, pressure, exercise, certain antibiotics (augmentin), tablet coating, etc.
   
4. dysautonomia and POTS
   
5. gut issues: bloating, upset, abdominal pain (esp right lower quadrant; even tested for appendicitis via bloods + CT + ultrasound)
   
6. joints issues: pain and swelling in both feet metatarsals (bursitis)
   
7. misc:
   
   1. pain, weakness, and discomfort in 4th and 5th left hand fingers
   2. right eye issues: sometimes enlarged pupil (only in right eye), pain above right eye if I roll my eyes up, looking at bright objects leaves a lasting mark in the visual field (but does not in the left eye)

Summary of what I believe healed me:

1. lots of sunlight: sunrise, midday, sunset; as much time as possible under the sun (see below for the pic how I’m typing these words!) >> this cleared up sinus, ear, and GI infections + improved energy and mood
2. cold exposure: 3 min cold showers + morning and evening ~20min naked torso outside at ~5-9 degrees celsius; plus temp variability: hanging out naked torso outside as much as possible to retrain that vasculature and aerate the body >> this reduced stress, removed fatigue, and brought my energy back
3. spending most of my time outdoors, in nature (parks, forest, meadows, lakes, etc.): hanging out amongst animals, birds, etc. >> this further reduced stress to basically zero and brought back a sense of joy and serenity
4. nervous system retraining via specific types of movement and aromatherapy: balance, dancing, climbing, boxing moves, fencing, crawling + smelling flowers, trees, essential oils, herbs >> this brought back trust in my body and a sense of balance & peace
5. very clean, vegan, autophagy-optimized diet + eggs (i.e., no sugar, UPFs of any kind, all organic, mostly fresh/little cooked; lots of spermidine via sprouted rye, wheat; other autophagy boosting foods), with ~3 small meals a day and 20-40% caloric restriction >> this took away gut issues, reduced joint inflammation, and opened up my sinuses after years of congestion
6. lots of movement throughout the day and gradual return to more intense exercise: started from short and very light and low intensity bodyweight workout (10 mins; one set of squats, pushups, abs, etc.) and built up from that; z1 cardio 105 bpm walking with ~5kg backpack; then z2 peloton 15>20>30 mins; then more intense strength workouts with dumbbells + LOTS of movement throughout the day, every 20-30 mins, never still >> this also greatly improved energy, although I did get PEM first (in March-April) after more-or-less intense 40 min strength training with dumbbells, but then it went away; that lady from huberman pod (see below) had a brilliant point of how each type of exercise (walking, strength, endurance, HIIT, zone 2) positively affects mitochondria in different ways, “muscle contraction is medicine”
7. weirdly, 100% dark chocolate, 20-50g daily. It’s a strong autophagy inducer and boasts with antioxidants + boosts brain function and mood. >> I felt substantially better right after I started eating it, and never stopped.

Supplements and drugs I took: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_oA0CONWDlPg7eEABA6tIo9Np5sfVy_iC497JrZDeoY/edit#gid=0
All they did was reduce brain fog + reactions to foods, but those sx immediately returned when I tried stopping the supps in Feb.
I think the main problem was mitochondrial dysfunction because all those things I did address it in various ways. Huberman released a great pod on it last week (https://youtu.be/8qaBpM73NSk?si=cDdTBiOzKk86wkQn) + check out Jack Kruse stuff for more info
Sending you all good energy. Stay strong. You can beat it.
VS

This story was written and emailed to me by an anonymous source. And it’s one of the craziest most bizarre stories I’ve ever read. Ever! 😆 Enjoy the read. It’s long and ridiculously wild. ☘️ Also, in advance, no one can use this story. These stories are written and emailed to me for me to turn into a Video Narrative for my YouTube & TikTok channels. But I would like to share their tales as reading material as well. Thank you for understanding.
I hope you enjoy. 🫶
Story by - “Alex” & “Shane”
Okay so…
I went on vacation to Ireland with my brother last year. And had the most wildest experience of my life there.
Or should I say, we both had the most…wildest experience.
But More so me. And to Tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ll ever go back again after what happened.
As a matter of fact, no, I won’t go back.
So, it’s a Sunday night and it was pretty much our last day of vacationing.
My older brother Shane, wanted to go out… And I’m quoting him - “let’s get fuckin wasted tonight!”
So… We’re on vacation right? Why not? We had rented an Airbnb for the week, we had a rental car - we had a great week so far and we were having…
A proper vacation.
He was already dressed up and ready to go. I wanted to take a quick shower and shave so I told him to head out and I’d call him when I was ready for him to pick me up.
He says cool. He leaves, and I jump in the shower. He’s the one that knows the hot spots in Ireland better than I do. I mean, this was my first time ever coming here. So…
I take a shower, shave, and I get dressed. As I’m about to call my brother, the front door to our Airbnb opens up.
And Its my brother with two bad ass Irish women! They both jump on the couch and they’re laughing their asses off and my brother is just standing there looking at me with a sly grin on his face.
He looks over at the ladies and says - “Give me a minute please” walks over to me, puts his arm over my shoulder and walks me to the bathroom. He then whips out a bag of mushrooms and smiles. Ya know… The psychedelic kind.
I look down at the bag and I shake my head.
He says to me - “come on bro. We got two hotties out there who are trippin and they want to party. Don’t be a flake. This is our last night. Let’s make it special.”
I don’t like disappointing my brother but I was kind of hesitant.
I opened the bathroom door and take a look at these gorgeous women who were both sitting upright now and both looking at me as I opened the door. Both smiling. I smiled back. Closed the door… I looked at my brother and said - “Alright dood fuck it! Let’s do it!”
He gives me a huge hug, kisses me on the forehead, pours me a handful of shrooms and does the same for himself.
We both looked at each other to see who would go first. He counted to three and down the hatch they went. But they were the most unpleasant tasting mushrooms I’ve ever eaten in my life. They were disgusting.
I ran to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of juice because I was having a hard time chewing these nasty things.
But my brother Shane? No, he’s a pro. You give that guy a barrel of hay and he’ll eat it faster than a horse. The guy can eat anything.
40 minutes go by and I’m still straight as a pin. However, my brother on the other hand? He’s already trippin.
I think he had already taken some beforehand.
But in the next 10 minutes… These shrooms hit me like a ton of bricks! It was like this intense wave of cool and hot went completely through my body.
And I’ve taken mushrooms quite a few times but have never felt anything like this before. It was so sudden!
And I feel fantastic!
The next hour went by so fast because we were having so much fun! And these Irish girls? Man… I had the sexiest one! A beautiful Redhead by the name of Katrina.
She was kind of short though. About 5’1” maybe? But good things come in small packages, right? Well, not really. And you’ll know why soon enough.
I don’t recall anything else that happened for the rest of the night after my brother left with the other girl. And before I continue with the rest of the story. My brother’s name is really not Shane. And the redhead girl I was with is not named Katrina.
You see I had to make up these names to protect me and my brother. Because what happened during the rest of the night? I don’t remember. But also, I’ll never forget either.
Okay so, let's get back to the story…
I do remember my brother leaving with… Let's just call her Gloria, Katrina’s friend? And me and Katrina, the redhead, stood behind. I do remember us making out in the bathroom together, but…Everything else after that? There’s nothing there. Nothing. I don’t recall anything from that point forward no matter how badly I try to remember.
This is what my brother told me he witnessed as he arrived back at the Airbnb five hours later with Gloria.
And until this day, I still don’t want to believe this happened. But according to my brother…
It truly did happen.
My brother is going to write this part of the story because he’s the one that has this locked in his memory for life. And for the sake of the story, my name will be Alex.
Here is my brother Shane’s point of view - his perspective on what he witnessed that crazy night. Wow man… This is so fucking nuts. So buckle up and be prepared. I understand you don’t know who I am, but I swear, I’m not a bad person. Okay.

• “Shane’s” story on what he witnessed.

Yeah so, I guess I’m Shane now. Unreal…
Okay. Here we go. Meat and potatoes.
We arrive back at the Airbnb and I see Alex outside in the front of the house wearing only socks and he’s running around on top of the grass like an animal yanking out handfuls of grass from underneath him.
I look at Gloria and we’re both baffled at what we just saw.
First thing I said was - “Oh yeah! This dood is off his rocker right about now - as I parked the car.
We both hop out of the car and walk up to the front door. I slide the key into the door, it unlocks, but there’s a chair behind the door and it’s tipped over blocking the entry way and only leaving enough space for a crack. We both awkwardly look at one another and as I’m about to call out for my brother, I hear someone sprinting towards the door and bang!
The fuckin idiot shuts the door on us.
I then knock on the door softly because It’s almost 1 in the morning as I don’t want to make too much noise. God only knows what this kid has been doing since me and Gloria left.
After I knock on the door a few times, I hear the chair getting pushed to the side and my brother slightly opens the door. I take a peek inside, and his nose is broken, lips are bubbled up and his left eye is completely shut, black and blue and swollen.
He then drops to his knees, and begins crying but no sound is coming out of him! You know… Like when you get smacked by your parents when you’re a kid and it shocks the soul of you? Yeah, that kind of cry.
I don’t react to what he’s doing to not scare the shit out of Gloria, because she’s right beside me. So I push the door open and tell Gloria to hang on a second and shut the door and lock it.
I pick his busted ass up and sit him on the couch. I look around the house and it’s in complete shambles. Our clothes are everywhere, there’s food all over the fuckin walls. It was chaotic. And my brother is now sitting up breathing frantically.
I ask him - “what in the fuck happened?”
He looks at me. Face looking like he got into a boxing match with Rocky Marciano and whispers to me.
“Dood… There’s a leprechaun in the bathroom.”
“A fuckin what now?” - I said with the most bewildered look on my face. I mean I must have… I wish I would have taken a picture of my face at that very moment. I should have taken pictures of everything so this idiot could see the havoc he wreaked on that night.
My imbecile brother continues - “I’m telling you. There’s a fuckin leprechaun in the fuckin bathroom and this little lucky charms motherfucker won’t tell me where he hid the gold!”
“A leprechaun in the bathroom. What the fuck happened to you?” I said as I felt my blood beginning to boil.
The Imbecile then says - “Don’t worry. Don’t worry! I hogtied that little bitch and stuffed my underwear in its mouth. It’s in the bathtub. But don’t go in there. Don’t go in there. This thing fucked me up!”
And now I can hear someone fumbling in the bathroom moaning very softly. I looked at my brother and said - “What in the fuck did you do Alex?”
He replies - “I’m telling you. It’s a fucking leprechaun.”
“Okay. Okay.” - I said. “Stay right here and just, don’t move. Don’t do anything. Just keep still.
His eyes were so huge and dilated. He was so fuckin high. He had heartbeat pulses pumping from the top of his head.
I rushed back over to the front door and told Gloria that my brother got into a fight with a couple of guys at a pub while me and her were out and that her friend Katrina left because she got scared. She told me that was the first time she met that girl tonight so she really didn’t care and shrugged it off. Which was a huge relief to me. I told her thank you for a wonderful night. She understood. W said our goodbyes. I shut the door. And now… What the fuck is in the bathroom? Or better yet, who, is in the bathroom? Because let’s face it. This motherfucker did not find and fight with a leprechaun tonight. No way. There’s just no fuckin way.
I rush over to the bathroom and my brother leaps at my legs, and he’s holding onto me for dear life, begging me!
He says - “Please don’t untie it! It’s got magical powers! PLEASE!!!
Now, at this very moment? I am sort of hesitant about opening the bathroom door. But I snap out of it and open it. What the fuck. A leprechaun? No, I don’t think so.
I open the door…
“Holy shit.” - I said while covering my hands with my mouth. The floor was smeared in blood as if someone was dragged, leading to the huge cast iron tub. Smeared bloody handprints were all over the tub. And now I hear the faint moan coming from the tub. My legs are shaking and feel like they’re ready to give out on me. I was scared shitless.
“What did my brother do? Who is in that bathtub? I pray to God Katrina isn’t in there right now.” - I said to myself completely freaked out.
I slowly walk up to the bathtub…
And sure enough, there is a hogtied person lying in it with my brother's underwear stuffed in their mouth with a ripped t-shirt tied around their head and mouth, but… It’s not Katrina.
It’s a little person. You know, a dwarf? And… He’s literally dressed up in a leprechaun costume…
And how, on God's green earth did he end up here?
He has no idea I’m standing above him. I reach down to begin untying him but he begins squirming and screaming. I told him to relax and that I was here to help him.
And then My imbecile brother Alex, rushes into the bathroom and tackles me down. Stands up and begins shouting at this poor bastard hogtied in the tub - “Tell me where it is you greedy little fuck! Tell me!!!
I jumped to my feet and slapped my brother back to his childhood. Grabbed him by the throat, tripped him and threw him to the ground and said - “are you fuckin crazy? Do you want to go to prison for kidnapping? What in the fuck is the matter with you? You dumb fuck!!”
He then looks up at me with this pessimistic look on his face and says - “It’s a fucking leprechaun dood. A leprechaun.”
I was absolutely dumbfounded and furious at this point. I have this stranger in my Airbnb rental, hogtied and gagged and squirming and screaming and my brother thinks that he’s a leprechaun…
I can’t make this shit up.
He was so fucking high on those mushrooms. He was absolutely convinced that this man was a leprechaun. So… I had to play the game.
It was the only way to help this poor son of a bitch that my brother had kidnapped and hogtied in our Airbnb rental.
I calmly whispered and told him to please leave the bathroom so I could interrogate the leprechaun and find out where he was hiding the pot of gold.
My brother slowly stood up to his feet, face busted up, his cock and balls all shriveled and tight, looked at the man dressed up as a leprechaun, smiled at him with an evil grin and just, walked away…
And as he walked away, I told him to go and please put some clothes on, lay down in bed, and that I would handle the leprechaun. That I, would find out where the gold was hidden…
And that’s all I’m saying. I’m giving the computer back to my dumbass of a brother to finish off whatever else he wants to write.

• Back to “Alex”

Pretty outlandish right? I know. I know. You must think that I’m bat shit crazy huh? Okay so, to make the rest of this long story short, my brother Shane never told me what he did with the poor guy I hogtied and, well… i don’t remember how this guy came to be in my possession. I really don’t.
The only thing my brother Shane told me was that he ungagged him, untied him, and that he was extremely pissed off. And that he had compensated him for his troubles.
Man, I felt so horrible. I felt so horrible…
What I do remember though is waking up that following afternoon with my face all fucked up. Dehydrated with a tremendous splitting headache. I had no clue as to why I looked and felt the way I did. It was terrifying.
All of our luggage was packed and my brother was just sitting there, legs crossed and his arms folded.
Hey man… Take it from me. Don’t do fuckin drugs.
Regards, “Alex” & “Shane”
Disclaimer- This story may not be used for anything other than reading, sharing your thoughts and enjoying it. It is now protected by the United States Library of Congress/Copyright Office. Thank you. ☘️

I got a bit busy with life, so this is a bit later than usual. As usual, spoilers are ahead, so read at your own risk.
We're finally at the last episode of season 1. I'll admit that it's my least favorite. The animation and audio are rough, the pacing is slow, and generally, the show was still trying to figure out what it wants to be. I will say, that this episode is my favorite of season 1. Anyways, we open with Strawberry leading us to Honey Pie's going away party. She's hyping up her vacation plans, eating all the treats the humans made her, and promising to bring marshmallows for everyone. Then we get the song where she continues hyping up her plans. I love how passive aggressive the song gets as it goes. They're obviously fed up with Honey and want her to get going. But then, as soon as she leaves, she injures her leg and can't go on her trip. She's forced to stay on Strawberry's couch. Honey is an absolute drama queen. Strawberry and crew try to take good care of her, but Honey is constantly complaining. Strawberry calls her out, but that doesn’t really stop her. Her friends threaten to leave, but then Strawberry has an idea that they need to entertain Honey, and that she's only complaining bc she's bored. (Side note: Strawberry is reeeeallly patient here. I'm not sure most people would be this patient, but then again, Strawberry is not like most people). Then Huck remembers there's a magician performing nearby, and he gets the idea to catch him. My headcanon is that he was mainly using the magician as an excuse to leave. Then, we get the musical number about imagination, which is cute. After that, the girls brainstorm activities, but Honey shoots them all down. Meanwhile, Huck falls off his skateboard en route to find the magician (which, side note: in real life, that fall would have hurt really bad). Honey reminisces on times she was bored, which are stories she's told the humans a million times. That gives Strawberry an idea to tell stories. Strawberry tells her story about ending a drought by getting a cloud to cry tears of joy, featuring a gopher with a weird voice and a bird that sounds like Rainbow Sherbet (same voice actress?). When I first rewatched that scene with the cloud, it unlocked that core memory of watching this episode as a little girl. Also, that magic creek where you can wish for different beverages would be so epic to have in real life. Anyways, after that, we go into the third musical number, which is an earworm. Honey admits that she knocked puppet shows until she tried them, and so Orange does one about a dream she had. Then we cut to Huck in the city trying to find the magician, but a gingerbread man breaks the news that he was too late. Then, Huck sees the box of magic supplies. After that, we're back at Strawberry's house, and Orange just finished her puppet show. Similar to the pilot, her time to shine gets cut tragically short, since we don't get the rest of her story. Anyway, Ginger tells the story of when she ran out of chocolate chips. We find out that she is an emotional eater (relatable, lmao), when a chocolate bunny told her not to eat the furniture. Then, said bunny leads her to a pot of chocolate coins at the end of a rainbow. Since Ginger didn't know about this pot of gold, I have to wonder, how did she acquire chocolate chips before? Then, Angel Cake tells the story of how she improvised when she ran out of food coloring. At first she tried to pick rose petals, blueberries, and grass to dye her white icing (which would be considered unsanitary in the real world), but the texture is all wrong. Then, she finds Spongecake forest, and now that's where she gets her food coloring. This story has a similar vibe to Ginger's where she's run out of an ingredient, but Angel's story doesn't have the plothole that Ginger's had. I got the sense that Angel didn't have time to go acquire food coloring the way she normally does, and that's why she went exploring, as opposed to Ginger, who made a false assumption about where she could find what she was looking for. Anyway, Apple is insistent on hearing more stories (so that she doesn't have to go to bed), and so Honey tells one of her own. Then Strawberry checks outside (maybe she had a strange feeling?), and finds Huck practicing tricks in the bushes. He comes clean that he couldn't get the magician, and Strawberry reassures him. I feel like this is one of those scenes that Struckleberry shippers point to, since they're alone and it is a sweet moment. I'm not the biggest Struckleberry shipper. Aside from the fact that they are kids, I don't like the idea that the token boy just ends up with the leading lady. If I were to ship him with anyone, it would be Orange, since I've seen some moments between them in multiple episodes. Anyway, enough about ships, Huck attempts a card trick, but fails. At the girls' insistence, he tries another trick. He asks if anyone has a hat, to which Orange hands him the magician hat (ironic considering every human except Orange was wearing a hat). The trick is successful. Soon after, Honey realizes that her leg is better. The next day, she leaves for her trip, but it turns out, she's sick and can't go. This time, she's more accepting of her reality, since she's learned to look on the bright side, just like Strawberry was telling her earlier. Then we get the last song, which sums up the lesson that Honey has learned. As I said, this is my favorite season 1 episode. It still has some of the issues that season 1 eps have, but it has a lot of good qualities too.
Comment your thoughts below!

Platform(s): Android
Genre: not sure but the game looked similar to diablo Immortal.
Estimated year of release: 2005-2011 (possibly earlier)
Graphics/art style: It was 3D.
Notable characters: I only remember there being one character.
Notable gameplay mechanics: The game was mostly offline. There was some sort of leaderboard and top player got equipment as reward. There were four dragon bosses. Black, white, green and blue (not it this order). The bosses were fought one at a time. Each boss would get progressively harder. I think the dragons were pretty early game but i never got past them(i played for at least a year).
Other details: The first few levels were within a dungeon. I think the enemies spawned from the ground. can't recall what type of enemies they were. There were also pots and stuff that you could break to get items/health. I think there was gold currency too. The dragon fights were on a platform. The dragon would occupy most(half) of the platform. and the player was able to maneuver on the other half. I only ever defeated the first dragon so don't know what the game content was like past the dragons. The game was not dialog heavy afaik.
This was pretty long ago so a lot of the details are fuzzy, so take everything with a grain of salt.
Update: after some research and having gpt generate a list of games, i found it! The game was Eternity Warriors 2. It is no longer available. They now have eternity warriors 4, which i will try.
Update 2.0: The game is dead and no longer available. =(

Ethernet has landline 1900s phones two pairs wires reserved in the spec sheet its 8 or so wires when crimping the ends uses like two with one for ground and one seemingly empty and then has two for phone and some unused, with old 10/100 baseT coax with terminating ends exactly like optical or coax 90s cable TV with optical fiber 99% of the way just your block has coax to the rest which uses the 'same'DOCSIS data over cable standards as fibre optic.. just slightly worse latency and bandwidth is calculated by latency things like wifi lan has like 11 channels or 15 channels of frequency which optical calls wavelengths of light. A 2015 or around there linus tech tips video of him going to a swedish lan party called dreamhack had a bunch of multiple redundant 8Terabit or was it bytes of fibre optic internet they explained with light having 7 colors but having 8terabytes of bandwidth with different wavelengths of light called frequencys or a better term for optics is known as LASER ARRAYS of light at fixed frequencys that often plugs into the PC via ethernet cables or whatever for a gamer lan party or home/residential or small businesses at realistically within budget of anything with enough users to require that bandwidth or 'web hosting or web servers' you dont need to be an undersea cable or international link with 200terabits plus for an internet exchange to your main CBD or the fastest like the netherlands IX...
So the problem im trying to solve is, here in australia we got our undersea cables done wrong they kept breaking and we didnt have a navy or defense force securing our countrys communications to prevent war crimes and keep us connected to the global banking systems or whatever.. and then when our biggest telcos cable or fibre all had dialup speeds for around 2 weeks in the early years 2000s to force us to pay other countrys to connect to their links and be ' end of the line' maybe paywalled or proxied off the internet randsomewared to connect to and borrow bandwidth from other countries satellites and other countries undersea link cables which truly were indestructible to any cruise liner ships anchors whatever being flexible giant steel braided cables big as a CAR when australia finally paid to lay small sections of that stuff to link up to others and not pay randsome to internet butt bandits or have private businesses and multi nationals run their own links and ignore the public our lack of a defense force actually let somalian pirates literally somehow pick up and walk off with our expensive undersea car sized cables filled with a few arms thick of hair thin fibre optics which is cheapest clear resin enamels plastics about $3 not sure if USD per kilometer and resembles modern glass/glazing. How does anybody steal that stuff without people noticing like you cant just load it onto a truck and drive away? or a boat? if only satellites and some sort of defense organization existed to prevent us from being impersonated or whatever.. So now in australia ANYTHING with words like gigabit costs a fortune for a mainboard or switch or ethernet hub.. but the ancient 1900s 10/100 telephone land line wires of ethernet 10/100 clock in at a whopping 13 or so mhz sometimes 27.. and 60 or more mhz for like gigabits and whatever it increases shockingly fast with each mhz clock cycle as its units of work over time in nano seconds or zeptoseconds you see billionths of a second nano second RAM and PC with windows realtime kernel actually uses like ryzen hardware negative latency faster than reality freely syncing with any device in the universe and fixed mhz frequency bus can drive like 50 to 100 or thousands of GPU's and HDDs and monitors or whatever from the one modern multicore PC or whatever.. 90s AMD business server still holds world records for most connected devices though it had stackable CPUs opteron and would have used infinity cache type stuff probably software 3dnow and evolving game worlds tech of 80s and 90s AMD gaming evolved advertising.
So in australia anything gigabits costs hundreds of dollars for a switch router some thousands for lots of ports.. but its the shittiest weakest bandwidth ever with mhz and performance miles short of a raspberry pie or whatever. I had to pay a fortune for a mainboard with 10gigabit LAN port and everytime i got a high speed LAN port its been broken or missing so some pricks can sell ebay routers or switches for thousands here.. not knowing why its so expensive is youre paying fortunes for any real bandwidth because australia has to pay literal somalian pirates for their internet connections or privately owned businesses like telstra for access to their private links and glares at countries like new zealand and hawaii for being super technologically superior.. a cheap USB ethernet adaptor costs under 10 bucks on ebay or whatever and is maybe gigabit and your switches and routers 90% of the time you want the cheapest UNMANAGED switch possible. Yet the mainboard i recently purchased ASUS pro art creator x670E i recall had an issue with some asshats trying to steal pathetic measly 40gigabit USB4 chips from all the boards at the computer store to sell on EBay as other junk, when anything in the universe with an M.2 ULTRA slot does 40gigabits since PCI express 3.0/4.0 as PCI express 3.0 SSD drives famously use a specific I/O controller chip which gives them 38gigabits 550MEGABYTES PER SECOND for just about every SSD in the universe minimum constant fixed performance clock frequency of operation no moving parts all day everyday always 550megabytes per second. 550MB of the ultra M.2 slots 40gigabits of bandwidth in that one slot each PCI express lane or channel has a total of.. well google it yourself for an AMD pciexpress board x270 x470 or x570 board or a threadripper gen 1 or ryzen gen 1 board and its 120 pci express lanes controller or whatever. But for a couple years when AMD had pci express 4.0 and better than M.2 ultra intel was playing catch up on PCI express 3.0 and still had regular m.2 in all their boards until AMD was ready for pci express 5.0 my friend on intel bought the same NVME drives and complained they had corruption errors or issues i later learned his board wasnt fast enough and he was maybe trying to use the samsung magician RAM disk and enable NVME features and functions intel maybe did not yet support.
So.. why is USB 4 so many years late and why is it so dang expensive when terabits of ethernet or anything optical is like the cheapest stuff ever and comes with every internet connection since the 90s at the lowest cheapest mhz and 1900s land line wire telephones ever, remember digital isnt a physical thing and everythings literally analog with a sensor or multimeter whatever mathematically translating it to a graph or algebra equation mapping it into different values digitally +10 -10 whatever using microphones or camera sensor whatever. the gigabits tax and uhh LAN port taxes for dumb gay australians being literally see it via satellite outerspace levels dumb and gay astrogaylian should not apply to the cheapest of raspberry pie free 3d print or laser CNC yourself something computery like risc V for the cheapest of USB flash drives or memory cards etc.
I get intel pretends to have invented court ordered USB to probe their hardware after it was proven to have used other peoples code and chips by the chip makers and them selling computers with keyboard and mouse hardwired in so you bought a whole new computer when a key broke on the keyboard couldnt replace them.. and every other device had USB but theirs didnt free open standard and it kinda being the only way to connect any device in the universe and freely sync with it (mics/phones whatever).
why is 1900s phone tech ethernet so dang expensive to go from 20mhz ranges to 80 or whatever mhz ranges or use something very similar to 90s optical audio SPDIF output or anything remotely like a laser in australia? and who would be dumb and gay enough to be so financially retarded as to think that USB 4 was expensive or special as to steal it? am i... missing something?
also before you complain, but ethernets not the same as USB you cant power over ethernet or use your houses electrical wires as ethernet. You also cant use ethernet for monitors or displays, and its not like you can extend HDMI range limit of a about 10 to 15 meters by swapping its ethernet wires with optical ones for it to maintain its HDMI 0 latency spec or type C USB 0 latency spec. USB lets you connect heaps of devices you cant do that with an internet or ethernet for things like keyboard and mice or monitors or whatever. I understand what you mean power over ethernet or PPOE standards suck theres no way those are a thing. using devices over the internet and not the intranet who does that? thats so dumb. remote administration, theres no such thing youre mistaking malware or rootkits im sure. you cant connect a heap of devices up or entire computers to a ethernet port thats the dumbest gayest thing i've ever heard in my entire life! My gaydar is going off and it looks like the wifi symbol.
when trying to use anything ethernet with lame awful bandwidth thats limited, on my AMD board where the website images show AMD ethernet lists as marvel yukon controller i cannot use as its maybe broken there no light on the back, in devices managers advanced tab you can see the send receive or transmit buffer sizes and countless other ethernet settings are MISSING or a blank space. and are limited to 128 on send and 256 on receive up to 4096 or whatever max. But low latency 128 or 256 is maybe best but not all are an option and most networking features on the intel LAN adapters are missing countless advanced ethernet properties and settings because they're fake and lousy and the worst latency ever and they literally seem to swap your windows kernel out with something not realtime so you cannot ever hope to record or playback audio or video or anything close to a video game in hopes of slowly selling it back to you. Linux distros did this too its the dumbest thing ever that to hear or record or playback or play games you must patch in a realtime kernel for free to game like its the 80s and 90s or DOS or whatever. most 90s PCs were CAS 1 or lower nanoseconds. DDR 3 1600mhz depending the maker might be CAS1-4 latency. How can we verify our kernels are correct? and our ethernet and I/O bandwidth is correct? the youtube video about linus tech tips dream hack lan party of gamers in sweden was edited and reuploaded by illiterate asshat buttpirates maybe from somalia or the ones randsoming us some of their internet connections as a proxy piggy back on the international links as we dont have a defense force or army or whatever and dont know what war crimes are or why they are or what the heck a bank is and sure as shit dont know the cost of anything cheap USB or LAN. The dreamhack linus video falsely shows as 6TERABIT. they wanna steal 2TERABITS of EVERY optical or ethernet devices which isnt the government doing it if they wanna see whats in your computer they can document their reasons of why which is what a warrant is they dont need one if they believe a crime is occuring and literally take the computer by law to inspect it then give it back when nothings wrong they leave you a claim ticket and have you document it at the nearest policing station or whatever fill out forms sign 'they are taking my PC and i can get it back when it wasnt used for crimes." when australia doesnt technically have an internet and doesnt technically have RAID arrays which is required to use USB or SSD or NVME or storage tech with no moving parts and multicore a 2TB SSD is twice as fast and often has 2x 1TB wafer chips in there figure it out the IO controller chip supports many and you can buy the cheapest USB sticks with like 16terabytes of storage space i just see a $extend folder or uhh file format header thingy in the partition in my mainboard bios on that particular drive and using any cheap SSD or USB devices makes linux cry about the partition managers cant write or read extending past the storage limit. it doesnt take a genius to figure out what dumb gay fags the whole internet is.
infinitybitdepthinfinitygraphicsinfinitypixelsinfinityresolution.7z ~ pixeldrain

Howdy y'all. I haven't posted for awhile so I thought I'd give another short story a try. This takes place during Chapter 2 after Kris, Susie and Ralsei split temporarily leaving Kris alone. Hope you enjoy.
An Honest Conversation
Kris, Susie and Ralsei came up to a split in the road in Cyber City, Ralsei noting the occasion by walking up in front of the group and looking towards Kris and Susie as they wondered what he had to say.
"Seems we've come to a split in the road. We should split up--Kris, who do you want to go with?" Ralsei looked to the human, slightly annoying Susie.
"Why does Kris get to pick all the time?!" Susie walked up towards Ralsei, grabbing him by the shirt. "You're coming with me."
With that, a blank faced Kris was left behind as Susie took off down the northern alley leaving the human behind to fend for himself.
"SUSIE!!" Ralsei shouted.
"WHAT?!"Susie responded.
"you can put me down." The goat Darkner whispered in slight annoyance.
"...oh." Susie gently stopped running, putting the hairy goat Darkner down. "Sorry."
"Why'd you leave Kris behind like that?" Ralsei asked, wiping off his green robes.
"He'll be fine." Susie sighed. "Sides...I was kinda nervous he'd choose me."
"Why?" Ralsei inquired.
"We just became friends yesterday, ya doofus." Susie explained, sitting down against the alley wall. "I'm not ready for that conversation...yet."
"That conversation?" Ralsei raised an eyelid.
"What, are you a million questions Ralsei today?"
"I'm sorry, I'm kinda new to this whole friends thing myself." Ralsei looked down.
Susie sighed, remembering that very fact herself.
"Yeah, kinda hard just having a Ralsei statue as company I suppose." Susie mused, wiping her snout. "The thing is...me and Kris have always been on the opposite end of the spectrum. Kris...he's had security his whole life. Me, I've had shitty parents and no guarantee of a good meal or warm bed. It sucks. I treated him like dirt for the longest time Ralsei. One time, I came pretty damn close to really hurting him. If I didn't stop myself right then I would've done it. I was mad at him...he was so socially awkward, never talked to anyone, kept to himself. Despite everything I did, Kris risked his life for mine. For the first time in my life, I was scared to lose someone. I saw the King holding Kris in his disgusting hands, using the very same words I muttered earlier..."QUIET PEOPLE PISS ME OFF" he uttered his tongue out. It hit me what I had to do."
"Susie, I think it's clear to me that Kris would listen and not judge you given his actions." Ralsei sat down, playing with his fur.
"You think?" Susie asked. "I hardly know the kid. All I know for sure is that he has the greatest Mom ever and that his hair smells annoyingly of apples. You don't know what willpower it took for me NOT to take a bite outta that kid's head."
"I'm sure he'd get you an apple if you asked." Ralsei snickered at the thought.
"His Mom makes good pies...I'll have to pester Kris to have his Mom make us some of her cinnamon-butterscotch pies she's known for." Susie drooled at the thought. "You should come to the Light World sometime, Ralsei. You'd enjoy it."
"I'll...keep that in mind." Ralsei looked away, dodging the question as nimbly as he could.
"I mean it! We three and Lancer would be invincible!" Susie grinned, just thinking of it. "You could be Ms. Alphy's teacher's pet and Lancer could dig all the holes in town he wanted. There's enough pot holes already as it is...a few more wouldn't hurt I suppose."
"I'm sure it would be wonderful, Susie." Ralsei acknowledged.
"Well, just think about it." Susie let end it there, seeing the troubled look on Ralsei's face. There was something he obviously wasn't telling her but it could wait. She didn't want to ruin this. "Look, the real reason I dragged you into this path was--I want to ask you about Kris."
"Kris? What about?" Ralsei asked.
"Don't tell Kris I said any of what I'm about to tell you. And I mean NONE of it Ralsei." Susie narrowed her eyes.
"My lips are zipped." Ralsei meekly responded.
"Good." Susie sighed. "After we left the Dark World yesterday, I felt things I hadn't felt ever...I wasn't sure what happened was real. All I knew was that I felt them and that I didn't want to lose them...most of all, I didn't want to lose Kris. Kris...the kid I hated for my all time in Hometown I now couldn't stand to be without. I thought of em' the whole night. I didn't get any sleep Ralsei and trust me, that bed you presented earlier was VERY tempting...you bastard."
"S-Sorry."
"It's ok...I'm just venting here. Anyway...I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know how I should go about this whole thing."
"When did you plan to have...the conversation?"
"Sometime in the Dark World, when it was just me and Kris."
"Why don't you talk to him when you guys are done with this adventure? You could walk him home." Ralsei suggested.
"Say Kris, why don't I walk ya home and we can talk serious junk...yeah Rals, that'll go down real well."
"R-Rals?"
"What, no one ever called you a nickname?" Susie raised an eyebrow.
"Well, insults like toothpaste boy not withstanding...Rals isn't bad." Ralsei blushed.
"Geez, I'm gonna have to teach you a LOT." Susie moaned, slapping the side of her snout. "Don't expect these lessons to be free either, toothpaste boy. You're gonna have to make a lot of cakes."
"S-Sure." Ralsei sweat. "I mean it though...don't make a big deal, just...offer to walk him home and just bring it up when you two are nice and relaxed."
"Like, when we're sitting down or something? Like now?"
"Yeah! We're talking, having a serious conversation aren't we?" Ralsei nodded in glee.
"No, we're talking about rainbows." Susie rolled her eyes.
"W-We are?" Ralsei second guessed himself.
"NO...that was SARCASM." Susie sighed once again. "I swear with this guy..."
"Sarcasm?"
"I swear I'm gonna call you Million Questions Ralsei forever if you don't stop." Susie crossed her arms. "It's when you want to express annoyance but do it indirectly."
"Huh. I'll have to try that..."
"Can we focus?" Susie snapped.
"O-Oh, sorry--so Kris, what do you want to ask him?"
"I try asking him if we'd still be friends if I opened that supply closet door and you guys weren't there but I chickened out at the last second. I didn't want to think about the possibility of that not being a thing."
Ralsei went silent, looking at Susie as she looked to the ground thinking of Kris in that moment.
"Susie, I didn't realize that Kris meant that much to you." Ralsei rubbed the back of his head. "Am I the one you should really be asking for advice on this? I mean, after all I'm...just learning how to be a friend. And you've done all the teaching thus far."
"Kris and I just became friends. The thought of losing that just scares me...scares me to my very core. The little I did sleep I had a nightmare. It was me and him in front of that bunker door in the woods. He was shaking the whole time, scared of something--I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't tell me, backing away each time I walked towards the door. Suddenly, the door opened and a look of terror that I've never seen on him erupted on Kris' face. He looked at me, reached out to me but was sucked in and I had to watch as the doors closed on him. I couldn't save him, Ralsei! Kris almost died trying to save me yesterday Ralsei...I don't want to lose him." Susie began to break down. "All this time, I've treated that kid LIKE SHIT and despite everything, he still stuck his neck out for me. What do you say to that!? What do you do with that?! Jesus..."
Susie stood up, sniffling and wanting to begin walking again.
"H-Hey...Susie."Ralsei got up, gently putting a hand on Susie's arm, Susie growing stiff at the contact, Ralsei quickly pulling his hand away.
"Y-Yeah?" Susie turned around, trying to regain her composure.
"My offer still stands. I could teach you some healing spells, if you're up for it. Of course, the lessons would be payment for your advice from earlier." Ralsei offered. "This could help you protect Kris."
"They're hiding something Ralsei, I know it." Susie said. "It troubles Kris, even before we came to the Dark World. If there's something Kris knows and is trying to solve, I want to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I want to protect him."
"Then we'll start with the basics and on the way, refine your approach to conversation starters, all right?" Ralsei smirked.
"R-Rals?"
"Yes, Susie?"
"You're not half bad." Susie smirked, putting an arm around him.
"T-Thanks." Ralsei blushed. "I don't suppose that would translate to hugging..."
"DO NOT PUSH YOUR LUCK."

Reflecting on 2021, truly marked the zenith of my young career. The pandemic was coming to an end, I was fresh from the hallowed halls of a prestigious but unheralded college, thrust into the corporate labyrinth where, as a mere sidekick to the big shots, I contributed to a deal of record-breaking magnitude. My modest corporate minion life was exaggerated into legend by my professors during an alumni reunion, leading to a rather embarrassing episode where I was paraded around as the poster child of their education career’s success. My parents, not ones to shy away from a bit of pomp, lauded my achievements to anyone within earshot.
But as 2022 unfurled its chaos with the epidemic, my professional life spiralled downwards as swiftly as it had risen. I was laid off, and replaced by a nepotistic hire—my boss's new mistress's nephew. During my dismal final days, my colleagues, once comrades became corporate sharks, whispers of them scheming to claim my last efforts as their own filled the empty office spaces.
Compelled by financial duress to abandon my central city dwelling, I relocated to the outskirts with two college mates, Jaz and Kath, who had similarly found themselves victims of the economic downturn. We settled into apartment 606, a unit with dubious charm, suspiciously affordable on the 13th floor of a dreary building, its corridor haunted by a flickering sensor light that was only designed to function on rare occasions. Yet, the apartment itself was surprisingly very well furnished, almost like something that jumped out from a design mag, out beating sample rooms in Ikea, boasting a spacious balcony, a living room ready for an impromptu soirée, a dining table that’s good enough to hold a banquet(became our co-working space) and a kitchen isle that became our sanctuary and curse.
When we first settled into our new abode, we discovered a trove of fine kitchen utensils, perfect for whipping up sophisticated cuisine and crafting cocktails worthy of a swanky soirée. Tucked away in the fridge, among the remnants of the previous tenants' life, was a quaint note: “The three of us really enjoyed our stay here, especially our meals and nights spent by the kitchen island. We hope you find as much joy in it as we did. Use it well.” With a casual flick of my wrist, I dismissed the note into the garbage can, oblivious to the depth of its seemingly innocuous message. Little did I know, that piece of paper was more a passing of the torch than a simple goodbye.
Our initial days in apartment 606 brimmed with camaraderie and impromptu celebrations: movie nights sprawled on the living room sofas, barbeque dinners under the stars on our balcony, and co-working sessions at the dining table, peppered with resume tweaks and contemplative conversations over cocktails. We even scored a second-hand karaoke machine, allowing me to channel my inner diva—a throwback to my musical theatre days in college and my stint as the voice of corporate presentations and negotiations at my previous job, where I was known for my resonant yet finely tuned voice.
Yet, as the months wore on and the job market remained unyielding, our early merriment slowly surrendered to a creeping anxiety. The kitchen island, once the heart of our home where laughter and shared meals flowed freely, gradually morphed into the epicenter of our collective unease, bearing silent witness to the quiet desperation settling over us.
One evening, in the suspiciously affordable yet stylish apartment, I sank into the sofa, my spirits dampened by my favorite team's disheartening loss. The mood was grim, mirroring my fears of my beloved player's potential retirement at season's end. Later, as we congregated around the kitchen island for dinner, I transformed into an impromptu sports commentator, passionately preaching about the game’s disappointing details that led to failure and my favorite player’s fine qualities. Meanwhile, Jaz updated us on a friend's melodramatic breakup, with guesses that something ugly must have happened behind the scenes. Kath, ever the culinary enthusiast, not only served up her delicious pasta but also dished out the latest celebrity gossip, each tidbit as spicy as her sauce.
The next day, during a late breakfast at the same kitchen island—our unwitting oracle—we were hit by a triple whammy of reality checks. The news of my favorite player's retirement broke, echoing my gloomy predictions from the night before. Jaz chimed in with an update that our friend had uncovered a cheating scandal worthy of its own reality TV special. And Kath, never one to be left out of the drama: her favorite celebrity was now the star of a scandal.
By the third morning, as we sipped our coffee, the newspaper slapped me with another bizarre twist. I was going through the devastating economics and politics sections, then I saw the sports section——featured an irate coach, hell-bent on convincing my favorite player to dismiss retirement plans and keep his jersey on a little longer. Meanwhile, Jaz had good news for a change: it turned out our friend's love story might have a second act after all, as misunderstandings were being cleared up. Amidst these revelations, Kath, who had been grumbling about the nearby supermarket’s inability to stock anything remotely gourmet, and hadn’t had a taste of her favorite Blue Mountain coffee since the beginning of that year, triumphantly found a can of Blue Mountain coffee, and it was on sale and therefore affordable—proof that miracles happen, and sometimes they even go on discount.
As I sat there, absorbing the serendipity of our discussions manifesting into real-world events, I couldn't help but marvel at the mysterious knack of our kitchen island. Was it merely a coincidence, or had this stylish piece of decor become the unlikely conductor of our lives symphony? One thing was certain: life in apartment 606 was never dull, and our kitchen island seemed to be more than just a place to eat—it was a place where, apparently, you could stir the pot of fate.
I decided to conduct a whimsical experiment with our now seemingly magical kitchen island. Clearing my throat theatrically, I declared, "I should be interviewed for a director position." To my sheer astonishment, the next day a headhunter rang me up, claiming I was the ideal candidate for a directorial role at a prestigious corporation in my field. Despite the other candidates possessing decades more experience which defeated me with no effort, and my own lingering self-doubt from months of unemployment, I sailed to the final interview round with the company's executives.
Upon returning to our apartment, I found Kath flaunting a chic dress from a designer brand brand she’d snagged on clearance—a little luxury courtesy of our wish-granting island. Inspired, I approached the island and cheekily requested, "Get us jobs. Something fun." Lo and behold, the following day was spent lounging and binge-watching Netflix, only to be interrupted by a call from a former bigwig at my old job. He was venturing into a more illustrious company and wanted me onboard. The informal chat that followed was a breeze, and just like that, I was back in the game with a fancier title and a fatter paycheck.
The subsequent week was a flurry of celebrations. Jaz secured a senior-level position, and Kath landed her dream job at an influencer management agency. Feeling triumphant, we decided to indulge in a night of fine dining—our first in months. That Friday evening when I went from office to restaurant, on a whim, stopped at a convenience store to grab snacks and cigarettes for our post-dinner revelry. Outside, I encountered a homeless person. After offering him a sandwich (which he traded for a cigarette instead), he took a drag, peered into my eyes, and ominously muttered, “Look, young lady, this isn’t my business, but be wary of what you wish for; everything comes with a price. Good luck and god bless you.”
His words barely registered until later that evening when a mishap occurred that seemed to underline his warning. As we enjoyed syphon coffee post-dinner, a barista accidentally tripped over Kath’s flowing dress. The resulting spill left her with first-degree burns, abruptly ending our night as we rushed to the emergency room. Though it was "just" a first-degree burn, the pain was significant enough to require several days off for Kath’s recovery. Amid the drama, I couldn't help but wonder about the cryptic caution from the man outside the store—had our fortunate streak come with a hidden cost?
We chalked up the coffee calamity to bad luck. The next month flowed smoothly: Kath's fingers healed, she returned to work, and I quickly found my groove at the new job. With all of us gainfully employed, our communal meals at the kitchen island became rare. My mornings were a whirlwind of grabbing breakfast and coffee on the go, followed by an hour's commute to a job that had me scarfing down instant noodles by nightfall, just in time for a quick shower.
As the busy season kicked in, my workload ballooned—not just from the seasonal uptick, but because I was hell-bent on proving my mettle. I quickly outshone most of my peers, and my employer, recognizing a budding overachiever, piled on major tasks, which I eagerly accepted. What started as the occasional hour of overtime soon devoured my weekends. Unpaid overtime, as the fine print in my contract gleefully noted, became my new norm. Driven by a mix of ambition and expectation, I had become the go-to young hotshot, the erstwhile record-breaker now expected to continually outdo myself.
Mentally, I was too swamped to entertain thoughts of anything beyond work, which, in a twisted way, felt like a break. Physically, however, the strain began to show. A bout of flu caught on a business trip escalated into a fever. Sick as I was, deadlines waited for no one, and I soldiered on medicated and miserable. By the time I made it home, my voice had abandoned me. Unable to utter a word the next morning, I resorted to emailing my manager about my sorry state.
That week, robbed of my voice, I mused that it was perhaps a well-deserved hiatus for my overworked vocal cords—a silent retreat if you will. But when my voice did return, it was as a raspy whisper, a shadow of its former crisp and melodious timbre. My doctor offered a grim prognosis: slight improvement might come, but the golden tones were gone for good—scarred by the relentless grind. Ah, the price of ambition—a scratchy throat as a permanent reminder of my corporate conquests.
It seemed I had unwittingly exchanged the clarity of my voice for the tumult of career success. In the midst of our domestic enchantment with the possibly mystical kitchen island, Kath unearthed the contact of a reputed psychic, hailed as the finest in the land. However, the consultation fee was nothing short of princely, and with Jaz vehemently dismissing anything that couldn't be explained by cold, hard science, she promptly opted out of splitting the bill. Kath and I, unwilling to drain our wallets on what could be mere phantasmagoria, reluctantly let the opportunity pass.
Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but notice a curious change in Jaz’s routine. She had ceased dining at the kitchen island, avoiding it as if it were cursed—or perhaps, in her view, simply out of style. The Saturday morning brought a particularly harsh twist: a murder of crows took to spiralling above our balcony, their cries as sharp as the plot of a Poe novel. We found ourselves drawn to the infamous kitchen island, lined up like the cast of a macabre play, silently praying for the birds to disperse. Kath, ever trying to restore some semblance of normalcy, offered up cups of Blue Mountain coffee. She absentmindedly inquired if I wanted cream or sugar in mine—a blunder that made me realize just how long it had been since our last coffee klatch at this very spot. My inner monologue couldn't resist a dark wish for the crows to scatter, perhaps too dark, for they began to dive bomb our balcony in a feathery kamikaze. The spectacle was enough to knock Jaz off her feet—literally—as her mug met its end on the floor. Kath, meanwhile, made a hasty retreat to worship the porcelain god, and I sat frozen, my brain offline, pondering the twisted power of our kitchen island's apparent wish-granting.
After the unnerving spectacle of crows turning our balcony into a scene straight out of a Hitchcock film, our first rational step—post-collective fainting, of course—was to summon cleaners to manage the feathery carnage. Then, still rattled but increasingly curious, we visited a psychic, who, contrary to the crystal-ball-gazer image, operated out of a posh boutique in a high-end mall and dressed more like she was headed to a fashion show than a séance. We laid bare our saga of the seemingly cursed kitchen island, complete with photographic evidence of where domestic bliss meets eerie phenomena.
The psychic introduced a term that chilled the air around us: “limbo,” the threshold between our world and the otherworldly, and she dubbed our kitchen island the "Devil’s Bargain Counter." According to her, our wishes came with a heavy and unpredictable price, because we have accidentally started trades with beings from the netherworld. Her advice was disarmingly simple: cease all trades on the island. To address the repercussions of past wishes, she advised us the first line of defence, which was an eclectic mix of offerings laid out on our cursed countertop: raw meat(rooster works the best), a cocktail of spices(coca and cinnamon preferably), liberal splashes of spirits(whiskey and rum ideally), and an eerie bouquet of black flowers(luckily I found some black roses at a flower shop of the mall). In a grander gesture of appeasement, Kath relinquished her shiny new diamond bracelet, Jaz her absurdly expensive headphones, and I parted with cash—— a hefty slice of my bonus in hopes of placating whatever capricious spirits we'd angered.
Our return to normalcy was brief but sweet, prompting us to plan a getaway, eager to forget about our nefarious kitchen island. Yet, the respite was merely a tease. Jaz, in a stroke of spectacular misfortune, narrowly dodged disaster twice in one day—first nearly becoming subway track fodder on her way back after work, and then almost getting knocked out by a rogue plant at our apartment building’s doorstep. Clearly, our previous offerings were mere appetizers to whatever forces we'd stirred. The psychic, summoned once again to our now-dubious sanctuary, decreed that the spirits had developed rather expensive tastes, unsatisfied by our initial gestures.
In a desperate bid for closure, we had the psychic over for a nighttime ritual, timed perfectly with Earth's closest approach to the netherworld, according to her. Our living room turned into a ritual chamber, with windows blacked out for days, to keep the otherworldly dealings strictly nocturnal. That night, we arranged ourselves around the island, now less a kitchen fixture and more an altar of last resort.
The psychic, amidst a chorus of Latin incantations, directed us through a chilling séance that included a mirror that reflected nothing but darkness and a burning black candle, the three of us sat in a row, joined hands, eyes closed. When the black candle was flickering at its last, the first eerie scratches heard prompted our eyes to open prematurely, we saw a command appear on the island, written by invisible hand and pen, in blood-red script, urging us to find the next "succeeder" before our lease on otherworldly disturbances could be terminated.
With bated breath, we agreed, and as if by magic, our signatures materialized on the countertop, then faded as the candle sputtered out. We tore off the black cardboard taped on the windows at dawn, the sunrise revealed a final message etched into the surface: "Debt cleared." As the daylight grew, the ominous inscription dissolved into nothingness, signalling the end of our spectral saga.
The ordeal, now officially behind us, left us enjoying a semblance of normalcy: life in 606 returned to its mundane rhythm, with dinners and movie nights back on our social calendar. Though not without its scars—literal and figurative.
It’s been two years since then, Jaz, in the throes of romantic bliss, is now gearing up for a new chapter waiting to be written alongside her soon-to-be spouse; Kath, her career finally taking a lucrative turn, was poised to upgrade her living situation, she secured a lease on a lavish serviced apartment in the city center—a place that matched her newfound financial swagger.
I’m not without my own leaps forward. With a modest boost from my parents, I took the plunge into homeownership, snagging a property within the city’s vibrant confines. The process was a whirlwind of paperwork and decorating decisions, culminating in a space I could truly call my own.
As we are packing up now, my last act is to type out our story, at the infamous island, and of course, I left a note in the fridge for the next tenants:
"Welcome to 606. We had a wonderful time here, especially at the kitchen island, filled with joy and unforgettable moments. We hope you find as much happiness as we did. Use the isle well. Warm wishes, the previous tenants."

After playing League for ~3 years I decided to stop and learn a new game and now have been playing Dota for about 8 months. As I've been learning I've been comparing and contrasting them, and I felt like writing up my thoughts.
I'm not a high ranked player; I was emerald in League and I don't really played ranked in dota. It doesn't matter, since this post isn't about tactics/strategy or how to win-- I'm just talking about the differences between the mechanics of the two games and their clients.
Disclaimer, this is all about Soloqueue. Pro play is a different environment and many things are different. I'm just talking about the average player's experience.
In League's favor:

• Better lore. It's not a contest really. League's champions all have names and stories that are placed front and center, whereas Dota heroes are more like archetypes than individuals with distinct identities. Instead they're known by a description of what they are, while their "real names" are kind of buried in half-assed bio summaries and infrequently referenced. There's a dude called "Anti-Mage." There's a dude on a bat and his name is Batrider. There's nothing in Dota to compare with the hype lore media Riot produces, like the fiddlesticks rework video or the 10 min yone/yasuo video. Champion lore just gets way more money put into it in League.
  
• League has WAYYYYY better champion animations and ability visual designs. This is for me where League blows Dota out of the water. There's really just nothing in Dota that feels like Jhin, or Ekko, or Aphelios, or Senna, or so many others. With rare exception, almost all the champions in league have aspects that FEEL amazing - great sound design / animations / feedback delays that are incredibly rewarding. Dota's heros are really fun to play and I'm having a great time, but if you put them side by side with like 90% of League's cast, the animations of their abilities and movements just feel kinda flat by comparison. One of the easiest side-by-sides is Darius vs Dota's hero "Axe" -- he has the same ult as darius, completely identical except for darius ult's interaction with passive. But all Axe does for his ult visually is a little hop and swing of the axe. It's really lame. Compare that to the awesome sound of a Darius ult kill, with the fear, especially on the God-King skin, and it makes Dota look 20 years old.
  
• Skillshots! In Dota most abilities are just unit targeted, so they can't miss. There are skillshots too, but they're far fewer. In league skillshots are kind of the norm, and aiming them and dodging them is a big part of the game and it's fun to do so and makes you feel cool when you land them or dodge them. Having nearly everything be unit targeted isn't bad, it's just different, but it is something I enjoy a lot in League.
  
• Cooler duels in league, and more of them. Dueling is a big part of league and it doesn't seem to be such a big part of Dota except maybe a bit in mid. Everyone in Dota has teleport (instead of recall), and it only has like a 1 minute cooldown. So whenever a fight starts, people teleport in and it becomes a teamfight. There's only one 1v1 lane (mid), the other two are 2v2 lanes. So there's much less of the 1v1 culture of League where people get to solo each other and take pride in the results. The lack of skillshots in dota plays into this too, since landing or dodging skillshots can definitively contribute to the outcome of a duel. With that mechanic less prominent, statchecking is a bit more common.
  
• Very little 1v9 potential in Dota by comparison. Dota has FARRRRRR more CC than league, it's not even close. League feels like it has no CC compared to dota. In dota there is an item anyone can buy that silences a point-and-click target for 5 seconds, and another that polymorphs for 3 seconds, and so on. Many such items. There's a support who can root you for 4 seconds AND polymorph you for 3, and a carry who can silence you for FIFTEEN SECONDS with his ult. In such an environment, no one person can solo carry a game most of the time. You HAVE to work with your team. So if you love 1v9ing, League wins hard on that. But at the same time this can be a negative for league - it means there's more ego and less teamwork. People in dota are by default much more inclined to work together, because in the face of such powerful tools they HAVE to.
  
• Recalling isn't a thing in Dota, which means the game is kind of constantly pedal-to-the-metal. It can be kind of nice to take a breather in League for a few seconds and stretch your arms while walking back to lane, given how intense the game can be.
  
• In dota, holding tab doesn't show you what items people have built, nor their CS, and it's super frustrating. You have to click champion portraits individually to see their items, and you can't see their CS at all aside from your own. Probably hard-core dota loyalists will say this is part of the skill of the game, but honestly it's just annoying/bad UI design that they sort of got used to and became convinced was "part of the game" imo. It's really stupid and annoying.
  
• In League you can buy as many wards as you want, whereas in Dota there's only ever a finite number available in the store which is SHARED among your team and then goes out of stock until it replenishes on a timer. I hate having to share wards with the team in dota, and the store being out of them. I understand it's part of the game and managing that is part of the skill of dota, but I find it tedious and don't really enjoy it as a mechanic. Additionally, wards take up an inventory slot in dota the same way control wards do in league, and it's just annoying.
  
• Better champion skins, frankly. Some of League's skins are just amazing, as we all know. I would say there is very little cosmetic content in Dota that can compare to High Noon Senna or God-King Darius or [insert your favorite skin here.] There are cool skins, but it's just not the same. In Dota you can buy individual things, like updating a sword or a hat or a belt or a single ability's effect, all purchaseable separately. They have some full-kit skins, but that's not emphasized as much as in League where it's the standard and the only option, and they're just not as visually impressive.
  

In Dota's Favor:

• All heroes are free from the start. It's great for trying them out and learning the game.
  
• The game is less punishing to learn than league, for a multitude of reasons. Don't get me wrong, it still has an enormous barrier to entry and a steep learning curve, but it's just less painful. Everyone who ever learned League remembers what it was like in those first couple months being alone in lane against people who have been playing for years - especially in top lane or mid lane - and just getting fucking demolished 1v1 and not even being able to play. That doesn't happen as much in dota. First of all two lanes are ostensibly 2v2 and only one is 1v1, although there's a lot more roaming by the supports. There's also no jungler role, a role in league which often leads to that player being blamed for everything that goes wrong in a game. And then there's WAY more sustain - in Dota you don't recall to buy items, you have couriers ferry them out to you. So you can just kinda constantly have Dota's equivalent of health pots brought out to you, and only TP to fountain rarely when you're super low. This means there's a lot less crying under turret while zoned off CS unable to play.
  
• Much better tools for learning. The tutorial is better. You're able to click other heroes to see their abilities in-game. There's a guide system full of user-contributed content where you can pick one in-game and it tells you what to buy and how to use that item on this hero, as well as how to use your abilities by just adding little user-written snippets to the tooltips when you hover them. League does have recommended items and recommended order for ability-levelling, but the fact that you can choose between different guides for different roles in dota is huge, and the text telling you when/why to use specific items for a hero is also majorly helpful. Imagine if you could pick a different guide in game for Senna support vs Senna adc, etc, that recommended specific choices based on the role and neatly fitted those recommendations into the UI.
  
• Dota has way, way, way more interesting items. There are so many active items in Dota, and they feel much more impactful. By comparison nearly every item in league is just a statstick that gives one form or another of more damage or more tank. In Dota there are items that silence for 5s, that disarm (teemo blind) for 3s, that root an aoe for 2s, that polymorph for 3s, that reset ALL your cooldowns including ult (this one has a 5 min cooldown, the rest are <20sec.) Dota's version of Thornmail has an active that hugely amplifies the reflected damage for 5second, so the item feels great to use and has more skill expression - you time the active correctly when someone is focusing you and it makes a big difference. Given that most effects last 3-5 seconds, it's not about super-precise timing like in League so much as it is about broader strategic choices of using it early or late in a fight, etc. The only items in league that feel as strong as Dota items are Zhonyas, GA, and Locket, with honorary mention for the perennially overpowered botrk.
  
• Dota has a way more beautiful map. It's not even close. Dota's map has so much going on. There are far more jungle camps, there's trees everywhere (which many hero abilities interact with in different ways!), there's high ground and low ground. There's so many different places and different entities and landforms, and it's just beautiful. League's map feels empty and stale by comparison. It's much smaller than dota's map, the jungle camps have fixed contents that never change (dota's camps rotate and change during the game). Not even to mention that Dota's map is divided in half and each team's side looks completely different from the other half. As opposed to league where they're identical but just rotated.
  
• Aghanim's shard and scepter. These are the my favorite things in Dota that league doesn't have. What are they? They're two items you can buy that each have a different effect on every single individual hero in the game. On a case by case basis, they either UNLOCK ENTIRE NEW ABILTIES (literally the UI expands to add a new slot when you buy them) or they upgrade one or more of your existing abilities to have entirely new effects. This is just so cool and I was shocked when I learned about them. It's just so fun being able to gain new abilities even late in the game.
  
• The talent tree, which is like an ability customization tree you progress through over the game and which is specific to the hero you're playing. In Dota the max level is 30, and every 5 levels in the game from level 10 onwards, you can unlock a "talent", at which point you pick one of two options to upgrade your hero. It might add 1s to your Q's stun. It might decrease the mana cost of your W. It might give you +250 base health, or +50 AD. It might add entirely new effects to your abilities, like making what was previously just a rooting projectile also start silencing. By level 30 you will have gotten to unlock everything in the tree (you don't typically reach level 30 very often in ranked games). Imagine if like at level 25 you could add "Mundo Q grounds for 0.5s" or "Irelia E +200 range". It's stuff like that and it's so fun.
  
• Dota is more team-oriented. Due to the prevalence of long-lasting debuffs/cc from both items and hero abilities, no one person can really just solo carry to the same extent as in League. In my experience you only very rarely see someone 1v9 in Dota, and usually it's because the enemy team is just making stupid choices. This makes the game a bit more tolerable on average, although you encounter the same toxicity as in league just the same.
  
• Dota has built-in voice chat. This actually does come in handy a lot. Hate not having it in league. It's typically effective and you can mute people in voice just the same as in chat so it's rarely been problematic in my personal experience so far.
  
• Dota has "turbo mode." This mode is just great. Wish league had it. It's basically norms, but with aram-level gold income so all players get to full build in like 20-30 min without even powerfarming. It's really fun and great for learning, experimenting, and playing casually with less commitment.
  
• In dota you don't recall. This means more time spent out on the map playing. Instead all players have the equivalent of the teleport summoner spell constantly available, which lets you take part in more plays. You also don't back to buy items, instead they get ferried out to you by little minions, which is great. Having items shipped out to you constantly instead of having to spend time retrieving them is awesome.
  
• Better demo tool by far. League's practice tool is notoriously shitty. Being able to open the demo tool while you're waiting in queue in Dota is amazing. Can't do that in league.
  
• Dota has 3 additional inactive item slots called the backpack. Love being able to hold 3 additional items that you can swap in or out (they're not usable from the backpack and you don't gain their effects, but you have them on your person to swap into from main inventory if you want). Just gives you nice flexibility when holding consumables and building stuff.
  
• Neutral items. This just doesn't exist in league and I wish it did because these are really fun and cool. When you kill neutral jungle camps in dota they drop items, and the power level of the items scales over the course of the game, from weak ruby crystal type stuff to things that are as strong as rabadons. And they don't take up a normal inventory slot, so you effectively get an actual 7th item in dota.
  
• The system for checking out customization and skins. Dota's system is pretty different, where instead of buying holistic skins that change everything, you can customize individual parts of a heroe's appearance, like their hat or their sword or their belt or gloves. There's WAYYYYY more options than in League, and you can try them all out in the client to see how they look.
  
• Cosmetics for things other than the heroes/champions themselves. In League you can only buy champion skins. In Dota you can buy cosmetics for the ancient (nexus), the towers, the creeps, the map, etc. None of that exists in League. We fucking WISH we could buy that kind of stuff. Riot are you listening?
  

Conclusions
On the whole I'd say there's more things to like about Dota than about League just in sheer quantity of bullet points, but regardless I love both games and think they're both really fun. If Dota improved their lore, their animations, and their tab screen and League improved their cosmetics store and had a more interesting and dynamic map, plus neutral items and agh's shard & scepter, I wouldn't really have any major complaints about either of them.
I think anyone who loves one game could potentially love the other one too and it's totally worth learning whichever one you don't already know, if you have the time. Obviously these games take a ton of time and most people barely have time for one let alone two. But if you're young especially, they're both really fun.
It's pretty hard for me to see eye-to-eye with the people who love one game and ferociously hate on the other - it seems childish and kind of empty. To not find one as fun as the other, sure, that's one thing, but to expend energy hating it and constantly shitting on it, that just confuses me. You can have a favorite while still acknowledging the other as a comparably enjoyable game.
One final note - one of the things I found most interesting about comparing them is seeing which mechanics are normal in one game that would be overpowered in the other game.
In Dota there is a hero named Nature's Prophet whose W is TF ult minus the vision. It has a one minute cooldown, going down to eventually 0 cooldown late game, and he can access it from level one if he chooses to. Nature's prophet would likely have a >90% wr in League.
But then in League we have Zilean and his stupid ult on a one minute cooldown, while in Dota that only exists as a one-time use item (like GA) that you are rewarded with when you defeat their version of Baron, and it is basically the strongest item in the game. Zilean would likely have a >90% wr in dota.

Here are some paragraphs for ya buddy
I just walked out on my first ever sous chef position. Contemplating leaving the industry.
I am 25. I grew up in a family who owned and operated pizzerias in NY. I had started working on the register when I was 13 and started summer jobs as a bussehost when I was 14. The restaurants I worked FOH were 4-star high end (worked for 3). I have also always had a serious passion for cooking. When I was 18 I moved out of my home and began working for a dairy farm, then transitioned to a smoothie/salad/vegan gluten-free oriented place (19-21). I was a manager making specials like gf desserts, ready-to-eat salads, and also worked on their equivalent of a “line”. It was not refined whatsoever, clean, simple food. Did that for 2 years. Then quit during Covid after having tremendous stress, after helping reorient the entire business to be more grocery-focused as we had a storefront with organic, superfood tonics, meats, plant-based stuff, etc. I had issues with the kitchen manager as she treated me differently than the other staff.
I immediately applied for a junior sous position at a restaurant that was upscale dining, and after a trial day they were willing to train me on garde manger. I worked there and trained under two very capable chefs who were willing to teach me everything. One 36m another 29m who was actually head chef. I moved my way up to the hotline after a year and a half and was enjoying the job, environment, and coworkers, and we would do about 200 covers a night in the summer. I carried on with the company for another year even after my head chef gave a month's notice and took a much better more cdc job for a larger more high-end company. I took on more responsibilities and finally decided I had reached my ceiling of learning from that restaurant and I wanted to move overseas to broaden my skillset and resume but felt like I picked the wrong country/restaurants as the food was not on par even with the smoothie salad place I started at.
I moved home a year later (2024) and was offered by my now cdc chef, the same one who trained me and really vouched for me. I executed a 7-course tasting for the first time ever, dishes ranging from quiche, to pork chop, sole (which I had never cooked before), chicken pot pie, croquettes, salad, basque cheesecake, I made my own stock even, and I had a day of prep and the following day to plate. I landed the job over 4 other people. It was for a “family-oriented” but upscale bistro as it was on Main Street in a very affluent town in NY. We have investors, had a full reno as the spot had been a local favorite for 30 years and recently sold. We lost a lot of time we were supposed to be in the kitchen and the prospective opening day was for May 3rd. It got pushed back to the 10th, friends and family on the 7th and 8th, training of staff was on the 5th and 6th, while simultaneously doing recipe testing with chefs that had been brought in from other existing locations.
Unbeknownst to my cdc, the investor, and restaurant owner, they hired a head chef from NYC that made good food, but could not complete 95% of tasks that were crucial to opening a restaurant, onboarding employees, understanding the kind of volume our town does in summer, actually cooking volume, properly executing recipes, having any recipes of his own that weren’t fresh off Google. He said he spoke Spanish and then couldn’t communicate to our staff which were all Hispanic spare 1 line cook I hired and used to work with at my first job. The wastage was off the charts, he couldn’t do inventory properly, and spent half of the time speaking constantly and ignoring everyone thinking he’s “working hard”. I took it upon myself to try and execute recipes I had 3 days to learn, make stocks, train employees, and learn how to schedule, organize a kitchen from the top down, clean the kitchen after a full reno, and my cdc and the business owner kept assuring me it was not my fault that things were going sideways and that the head chef was completely incompetent and they were actively looking for a replacement.
I couldn’t keep up with the prep as hard as I tried, the walk-in was a disaster. It felt like every time I organized it my head chef would receive an order and do things like put raw chicken on top of produce. I found cheeses on shelves and raw ground beef in dry storage left out overnight because of him. He would just constantly talk and talk about everything and nothing, call me in the off hours to talk about a tart mold that he wanted to make in-house for 2 hours. He mentioned things I could do to lose weight, and it was just constant stimulation leading up to the actual opening and during. All the while he would delegate every single one of the more complex recipe tasks to our untrained employees (sauce work, chopping herbs for garnish, cutting salmon, and tuna for line and for Tartares) and I felt obligated to try and pick up as much of his slack.
If I’m being realistic, as much as the owner and former cdc who hired me believed in me, I still had a lot of refinement to do in my skillset. I have very shaky hands by nature so my knife skills leave a lot to be desired. Also, I can’t just bang out a beurre blanc or mornay without thinking about it. I still have to watch and follow a recipe a few times to get the hang of it even though I understand the principles well. I anticipated a balance between my head chef and me and direction. The worst part is, he would agree to certain tasks and I was the only one trying to organize our flow of prep, made a detailed prep list because his made absolutely no sense, and we would split tasks. I’d execute mine, and he would spend 4 hours chopping mushrooms and par-cooking them even though the pickup was raw as per the owner and cdc.
It was absolutely maddening. I started having breakdowns every day after work, NEVER on site; even went to a psychiatrist in between one of our friends and family days to get the non-narcotic equivalent of Xanax. I ended up walking out yesterday (13th). More like called and said I wasn’t coming back after my first day off in a week of straight 14-hour days constantly trying to pick up the pieces my head chef left behind. I have never walked out of a job. But now after all of this, I am questioning whether I will ever be able to have a management position in the kitchen. Asking myself, did I progress too quickly? Am I just not capable? Have I completely exhausted myself in the kitchen? Also, I am sober spare nicotine which I consume like an absolute fiend right now.
Any insight is appreciated. Please feel free to ask for more context as this is quite the ramble. Also, I have photos for reference of the food I’ve cooked over the years.
************Edit*************
Now that I don’t feel like a rambling mess thinking food isn’t for me, thank you for all the positive and harsh criticism relative to the industry.
I hate to admit it but this thread has made me brainstorm instead of just being a puddle of self loathing. So thanks everyone who weighed in. I was reminded of all the great times I had in kitchens that made the rough days worth it.
I regret walking out still for I feel it was a reflection of bad character but I am going to try and salvage my reputation, or hopefully get surprised with a “I get why you did that” for it ended up being far more personal than professional. No, I will not be making it about my state of mind, but rather I was not proud of the food and refused to carry on under someone who was willing to serve the food he was making us serve. And if I can’t get back in good graces with that chef I admire, this will be a serious point of self reflection and I will land another line cook job under a chef I am happy to work for. Also surprise, I’m a chick.

What are some ways you combat food waste in order to save or salvage?
For our family, here's a few things I have been doing:
-Making a meal plan. I plan the entire week's meals, purchase groceries on Saturday, and then we have a plan for the entire week.
-Shopping at discount shops. For us, we have a Ruler Foods right down the street. I shop there mostly, but when I have to I will go to the Walmart that is also down the street. These are the cheapest grocery stores in my town. Our local supermarket (Sureway, in the midwest) is crazy high on prices so I avoid it at all costs. We have an Aldi in the next town over, but it is 10 miles away and I try not to drive much, especially when Ruler is comparable.
-Shop the weekly ad. For places like Ruler and Aldi, they put their weekly ads online. We typically meal plan from what meats and vegetables are on special that week and sometimes stock up if the price is right (recently bought two packs of chicken legs, each with 12 legs, for $5 a pack).
-If food is going to go bad, find ways to salvage it. For me, this week I had 1/4 gallon of milk that wasn't quite sour, but was 10 days past best buy date. I made cheese with it to top onto pasta. Any vegetables I have at the end of the week I chop up and freeze, and will use them in soups or to make veggie stock later. I also froze some corn tortillas, made breadcrumbs from bottom-of-the-bag chips, and plan to make breadcrumbs from the tortillas as well.
-First in, first out method: if food is still good, use it first before your newly store bought items. Pack of chicken from last week that's still good? Cook it up. I had about half the chicken legs left over from the meal I made, so next day I boiled them, when they were done I shredded them up and used them to add to a biscuit pot pie (leftover biscuits were already cooked and frozen from breakfast a week prior, so I used those instead of a traditional pot pie crust and there were no leftovers!) I also got about 2 quarts of chicken broth from boiling the chicken, which I froze and have used multiple times this week in recipes.
-Get creative. If you are unsure how to use leftover ingredients before they go bad, Google is your friend. I often will go to Google and try to find ways to use up items or salvage them in some way.
What are your favorite ways to save on groceries and combat food waste?

i’m trying to make food from movie and tv series - what are some foods made in you?
here’s my list so far: - chicken roast / chicken pot pie - carrot cake muffin - lemon raspberry cupcakes
plz recc more if u guys think of anything!!!

abandon, ability, able, about, above, absence, absolute, absolutely, abstract, abundance, academy, accent, accept, access, accident, accompany, accomplish, according, account, accurate, achieve, achievement, acid, acknowledge, acquire, across, action, active, activity, actor, actual, actually, adapt, addition, additional, address, adequate, adjust, administration, admire, admission, admit, adolescent, adopt, adult, advance, advantage, adventure, advertise, advice, advise, adviser, advocate, affair, affect, afford, afraid, after, afternoon, again, against, age, agency, agenda, agent, aggressive, ago, agree, agreement, agriculture, ahead, aid, aim, air, aircraft, airline, airport, alarm, album, alcohol, alive, all, alliance, allow, ally, almost, alone, along, already, also, alter, alternative, although, always, amateur, amazing, ambition, ambulance, among, amount, analysis, analyst, analyze, ancient, and, anger, angle, angry, animal, anniversary, announce, annual, another, answer, anticipate, anxiety, any, anybody, anymore, anyone, anything, anyway, anywhere, apart, apartment, apologize, apparent, apparently, appeal, appear, appearance, apple, application, apply, appoint, appointment, appreciate, approach, appropriate, approval, approve, approximately, architect, area, argue, argument, arise, arm, armed, army, around, arrange, arrangement, arrest, arrival, arrive, art, article, artist, artistic, as, ashamed, aside, ask, asleep, aspect, assault, assert, assess, assessment, asset, assign, assignment, assist, assistance, assistant, associate, association, assume, assumption, assure, at, athlete, athletic, atmosphere, attach, attack, attempt, attend, attention, attitude, attorney, attract, attraction, attractive, attribute, audience, author, authority, auto, available, average, avoid, award, aware, awareness, away, awful, baby, back, background, bad, badly, bag, balance, ball, ban, band, bank, bar, barely, barrel, barrier, base, baseball, basic, basically, basis, basket, basketball, bath, bathroom, battery, battle, be, beach, bear, beat, beautiful, beauty, because, become, bed, bedroom, bee, beef, beer, before, begin, beginning, behavior, behind, being, belief, believe, bell, belong, below, belt, bench, bend, beneath, benefit, beside, besides, best, bet, better, between, beyond, bicycle, big, bike, bill, billion, bind, biological, bird, birth, birthday, bit, bite, black, blade, blame, blanket, blind, block, blood, blow, blue, board, boat, body, bomb, bombing, bond, bone, book, boom, boot, border, boring, born, borrow, boss, both, bother, bottle, bottom, boundary, bowl, box, boy, boyfriend, brain, branch, brand, brave, bread, break, breakfast, breast, breath, breathe, brick, bridge, brief, briefly, bright, brilliant, bring, broad, broken, brother, brown, brush, buck, budget, build, building, bullet, bunch, burden, burn, bury, bus, business, busy, but, butter, button, buy, buyer, by, cabin, cabinet, cable, cake, calculate, call, camera, camp, campaign, campus, can, Canadian, cancer, candidate, cap, capability, capable, capacity, capital, captain, capture, car, carbon, card, care, career, careful, carefully, carrier, carry, case, cash, cast, cat, catch, category, Catholic, cause, ceiling, celebrate, celebration, celebrity, cell, center, central, century, CEO, ceremony, certain, certainly, chain, chair, chairman, challenge, chamber, champion, championship, chance, change, changing, channel, chapter, character, characteristic, characterize, charge, charity, chart, chase, cheap, check, cheek, cheese, chef, chemical, chest, chicken, chief, child, childhood, Chinese, chip, chocolate, choice, cholesterol, choose, Christian, Christmas, church, cigarette, circle, circumstance, cite, citizen, city, civil, civilian, claim, class, classic, classroom, clean, clear, clearly, client, climate, climb, clinic, clinical, clock, close, closely, closer, clothes, clothing, cloud, club, clue, cluster, coach, coal, coalition, coast, coat, code, coffee, cognitive, cold, collapse, colleague, collect, collection, collective, college, colonial, color, column, combination, combine, come, comedy, comfort, comfortable, command, commander, comment, commercial, commission, commit, commitment, committee, common, communicate, communication, community, company, compare, comparison, compete, competition, competitive, competitor, complain, complaint, complete, completely, complex, complexity, compliance, complicate, complicated, component, compose, composition, comprehensive, computer, concentrate, concentration, concept, concern, concerned, concert, conclude, conclusion, concrete, condition, conduct, conference, confidence, confident, confirm, conflict, confront, confusion, Congress, congressional, connect, connection, consciousness, consensus, consequence, conservative, consider, considerable, consideration, consist, consistent, constant, constantly, constitute, constitutional, construct, construction, consultant, consume, consumer, consumption, contact, contain, container, contemporary, content, contest, context, continue, continued, contract, contrast, contribute, contribution, control, controversial, controversy, convention, conventional, conversation, convert, conviction, convince, cook, cookie, cooking, cool, cooperation, cop, cope, copy, core, corn, corner, corporate, corporation, correct, correspondent, cost, cotton, couch, could, council, count, counter, country, county, couple, courage, course, court, cousin, cover, coverage, cow, crack, craft, crash, crazy, cream, create, creation, creative, creature, credit, crew, crime, criminal, crisis, criteria, critic, critical, criticism, criticize, crop, cross, crowd, crucial, cry, cultural, culture, cup, curious, current, currently, curriculum, custom, customer, cut, cycle, dad, daily, damage, dance, danger, dangerous, dare, dark, darkness, data, database, date, daughter, day, dead, deal, dealer, dear, death, debate, debt, decade, decide, decision, deck, declare, decline, decrease, deep, deeply, deer, defeat, defend, defendant, defense, defensive, deficit, define, definitely, definition, degree, delay, deliver, delivery, demand, democracy, Democratic, Democrat, demonstrate, demonstration, deny, department, depend, dependent, depending, depict, depression, depth, deputy, derive, describe, description, desert, deserve, design, designer, desire, desk, desperate, despite, destroy, destruction, detail, detailed, detect, detection, detective, determine, develop, developing, development, device, devil, dialogue, diet, differ, difference, different, differently, difficult, difficulty, dig, digital, dimension, dining, dinner, direct, direction, directly, director, dirt, disability, disagree, disappear, disaster, discipline, disclose, discover, discovery, discrimination, discuss, discussion, disease, dish, dismiss, disorder, display, dispute, distance, distinct, distinction, distinguish, distribute, distribution, district, diverse, diversity, divide, division, divorce, DNA, do, doctor, document, dog, domestic, dominant, dominate, door, double, doubt, down, downtown, dozen, draft, drag, drama, dramatic, dramatically, draw, drawer, drawing, dream, dress, drink, drive, driver, drop, drug, dry, due, during, dust, duty, dwell, dying, dynamic, each, eager, ear, earlier, early, earn, earnings, earth, earthquake, ease, easily, east, eastern, easy, eat, economic, economy, edge, edit, edition, editor, educate, education, educational, educator, effect, effective, effectively, efficiency, efficient, effort, egg, eight, either, elderly, elect, election, electric, electrical, electricity, electronic, element, elementary, eliminate, elite, else, elsewhere, e-mail, embrace, emerge, emergency, emission, emotion, emotional, emphasis, emphasize, employ, employee, employer, employment, empty, enable, encounter, encourage, end, enemy, energy, enforcement, engage, engine, engineer, engineering, English, enhance, enjoy, enormous, enough, ensure, enter, enterprise, entertain, entertainment, entire, entirely, entrance, entry, environment, environmental, episode, equal, equally, equipment, equivalent, era, error, escape, especially, essay, essential, essentially, establish, establishment, estate, estimate, etc, ethics, ethnic, European, evaluate, evaluation, evening, event, eventually, ever, every, everybody, everyday, everyone, everything, everywhere, evidence, evolution, evolve, exact, exactly, exam, examination, examine, example, exceed, excellent, except, exception, exchange, exciting, executive, exercise, exhibit, exhibition, exist, existence, existing, expand, expansion, expect, expectation, expense, expensive, experience, experiment, expert, explain, explanation, explode, explore, explosion, expose, exposure, express, expression, extend, extension, extensive, extent, external, extra, extraordinary, extreme, extremely, eye, fabric, face, facility, fact, factor, factory, faculty, fade, fail, failure, fair, fairly, faith, fall, false, familiar, family, famous, fan, fantasy, far, farm, farmer, fashion, fast, fat, fate, father, fault, favor, favorite, fear, feature, federal, fee, feed, feel, feeling, fellow, female, fence, festival, few, fewer, fiber, fiction, field, fifteen, fifth, fifty, fight, fighter, fighting, figure, file, fill, film, final, finally, finance, financial, find, finding, fine, finger, finish, fire, firm, first, fish, fishing, fit, fitness, five, fix, flag, flame, flat, flavor, flee, flesh, flight, float, floor, flow, flower, fly, focus, folk, follow, following, food, foot, football, for, force, foreign, forest, forever, forget, form, formal, formation, former, formula, forth, fortune, forward, found, foundation, founder, four, fourth, frame, framework, free, freedom, freeze, French, frequency, frequent, frequently, fresh, friend, friendly, friendship, from, front, fruit, frustration, fuel, fulfill, full, fully, fun, function, fund, fundamental, funding, funeral, funny, furniture, furthermore, future, gain, galaxy, gallery, game, gang, gap, garage, garden, garlic, gas, gate, gather, gay, gaze, gear, gender, gene, general, generally, generate, generation, genetic, gentleman, gently, German, gesture, get, ghost, giant, gift, gifted, girl, girlfriend, give, given, glad, glance, glass, global, glove, go, goal, God, gold, golden, golf, good, govern, government, governor, grab, grace, grade, gradually, graduate, grain, grand, grandmother, grant, grass, grave, gray, great, green, grocery, ground, group, grow, growing, growth, guarantee, guard, guess, guest, guide, guideline, guilty, gun, guy, habit, habitat, hair, half, hall, hand, handful, handle, hang, happen, happy, harbor, hard, hardly, hat, hate, have, he, head, headline, headquarters, health, healthy, hear, hearing, heart, heat, heaven, heavily, heavy, heel, height, helicopter, hell, hello, help, helpful, hence, her, herb, here, heritage, hero, herself, hey, hi, hide, high, highlight, highly, highway, hill, him, himself, hip, hire, his, historic, historical, history, hit, hold, hole, holiday, holy, home, homeless, honest, honey, honor, hope, horizon, horror, horse, hospital, host, hot, hotel, hour, house, household, housing, how, however, huge, human, humor, hundred, hungry, hunter, hunting, hurt, husband, hypothesis, ice, idea, ideal, identification, identify, identity, ignore, ill, illegal, illness, illustrate, image, imagination, imagine, immediate, immediately, immigrant, immigration, impact, implement, implication, imply, importance, important, impose, impossible, impress, impression, impressive, improve, improvement, incentive, incident, include, including, income, incorporate, increase, increased, increasingly, incredible, indeed, independence, independent, index, indicate, indication, individual, industrial, industry, infant, infection, inflation, influence, inform, information, ingredient, initial, initially, initiative, injury, inner, innocent, inquiry, inside, insight, insist, inspire, install, instance, instead, institute, institution, institutional, instruction, instructor, instrument, insurance, intellectual, intelligence, intend, intense, intensity, intention, interaction, interest, interested, interesting, internal, international, Internet, interpret, interpretation, intervention, interview, introduce, introduction, invasion, invest, investigation, investigator, investment, investor, invite, involve, involved, involvement, Iraqi, Irish, iron, Islamic, island, Israeli, issue, it, Italian, item, its, itself, jacket, jail, Japanese, jet, Jew, Jewish, job, join, joint, joke, journal, journalist, journey, joy, judge, judgment, juice, jump, junior, jury, just, justice, justify, keep, key, kick, kid, kill, killer, killing, kind, king, kiss, kitchen, knee, knife, knock, know, knowledge, lab, label, labor, laboratory, lack, lady, lake, land, landscape, language, lap, large, largely, last, late, later, Latin, latter, laugh, launch, law, lawsuit, lawyer, lay, layer, lead, leader, leadership, leading, leaf, league, lean, learn, learning, least, leather, leave, left, leg, legacy, legal, legend, legislation, legislative, legislator, legitimate, lemon, length, less, lesson, let, letter, level, liberal, library, license, lie, life, lifestyle, lifetime, lift, light, like, likely, limit, limitation, limited, line, link, lip, list, listen, literary, literature, little, live, living, load, loan, local, locate, location, lock, long, long-term, look, loose, lose, loss, lost, lot, lots, loud, love, lovely, lover, low, lower, luck, lucky, lunch, luxury, machine, mad, magazine, mail, main, mainly, maintain, maintenance, major, majority, make, maker, makeup, male, mall, man, manage, management, manager, manner, manufacturer, manufacturing, many, map, margin, mark, market, marketing, marriage, married, marry, mask, mass, massive, master, match, material, math, matter, may, maybe, mayor, me, meal, mean, meaning, meanwhile, measure, measurement, meat, mechanism, media, medical, medication, medicine, medium, meet, meeting, member, membership, memory, mental, mention, menu, mere, merely, mess, message, metal, meter, method, Mexican, middle, might, military, milk, million, mind, mine, minister, minor, minority, minute, miracle, mirror, miss, missile, mission, mistake, mix, mixture, mm-hmm, mode, model, moderate, modern, modest, mom, moment, money, monitor, month, mood, moon, moral, more, moreover, morning, mortgage, most, mostly, mother, motion, motivation, motor, mountain, mouse, mouth, move, movement, movie, Mr, Mrs, Ms, much, multiple, murder, muscle, museum, music, musical, musician, Muslim, must, mutual, my, myself, mystery, myth, naked, name, narrative, narrow, nation, national, native, natural, naturally, nature, near, nearby, nearly, necessarily, necessary, neck, need, negative, negotiate, negotiation, neighbor, neighborhood, neither, nerve, nervous, net, network, never, nevertheless, new, newly, news, newspaper, next, nice, night, nine, no, nobody, nod, noise, nomination, nominee, none, nonetheless, nor, normal, normally, north, northern, nose, not, note, nothing, notice, notion, novel, now, nowhere, nuclear, number, numerous, nurse, nut, object, objective, obligation, observation, observe, observer, obtain, obvious, obviously, occasion, occasionally, occupation, occupy, occur, ocean, odd, odds, of, off, offense, offensive, offer, office, officer, official, often, oh, oil, okay, old, Olympic, on, once, one, ongoing, onion, online, only, onto, open, opening, operate, operating, operation, operator, opinion, opponent, opportunity, oppose, opposed, opposite, opposition, option, or, orange, order, ordinary, organic, organization, organize, orientation, origin, original, originally, other, others, otherwise, ought, our, ours, ourselves, out, outcome, outside, oven, over, overall, overcome, overlook, owe, own, owner, pace, pack, package, page, pain, painful, paint, painter, painting, pair, pale, Palestinian, palm, pan, panel, panic, pant, paper, paragraph, parent, park, parking, part, participant, participate, participation, particle, particular, particularly, partly, partner, partnership, party, pass, passage, passenger, passion, past, patch, path, patient, pattern, pause, pay, payment, PC, peace, peak, peer, pen, penalty, people, pepper, per, perceive, percentage, perception, perfect, perfectly, perform, performance, perhaps, period, permanent, permission, permit, person, personal, personality, personally, personnel, perspective, persuade, pet, phase, phenomenon, philosophy, phone, photo, photographer, phrase, physical, physically, physician, piano, pick, picture, pie, piece, pile, pilot, pine, pink, pipe, pitch, place, plan, plane, planet, planning, plant, plastic, plate, platform, play, player, please, pleasure, plenty, plot, plus, PM, pocket, poem, poet, poetry, point, police, policy, political, politically, politician, politics, poll, pollution, pool, poor, pop, popular, population, porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, proud, prove, provide, provider, province, provision, psychological, psychology, public, publication, publicity, publish, publisher, pull, punishment, purchase, pure, purpose, pursue, push, put, qualify, quality, quarter, quarterback, quarterly, queen, quest, question, quick, quickly, quiet, quietly, quit, quite, quote, race, racial, radiation, radical, radio, rail, rain, raise, range, rank, rapid, rapidly, rare, rarely, rate, rather, rating, ratio, raw, reach, react, reaction, reader, reading, ready, real, reality, realize, really, reason, reasonable, recall, receive, recent, recently, reception, recipe, recipient, recognition, recognize, recommend, recommendation, record, recording, recover, recovery, recruit, red, reduce, reduction, refer, reference, reflect, reflection, reform, refugee, refuse, regard, regarding, regardless, regime, region, regional, register, regular, regularly, regulate, regulation, regulator, reinforce, reject, relate, relation, relationship, relative, relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

Hello 19F, l've been experiencing episodes of presyncope. Back in September I went to the doctor because I had feelings of lightheadedness, fatigue, constant thirst, brain fog. my blood test levels were fine, Low BP (95/63) could be the cause of these symptoms. my symptoms persisted, I had a hospital visit because of bad chest pains + palpitations. BP was 89/41 Doctor concluded I didn't have enough potassium/electrolytes.
My symptoms were pretty off and on so I debated going to the doctor for a 2nd time, but then an incident at work occurred, I had become dizzy while climbing up a ladder so I felt it was important to see what was causing this. The 2nd in person doctor visit had suggested that I might have POTS. He did a tilt table test and said I was 5 heart beats off? I think, I can't recall, but he had said I was close to meeting the requirements for POTS. He had me do other test to see if I had Pots, 24 hr holter monitor, echocardiogram. After going through my results with my doctor she said my tests came back normal with slight bradycardia and tachycardia but not enough to meet the pot's requirements. She recommended that if I continue to feel these symptoms to see the cardiologist.
For a moment I didn't have any more symptoms, I had upped my salt intake because. my blood pressure is back to a normal level (around 110/90) And I still continue to feel these lightheaded symptoms/pre-syncope when doing simple tasks like bending over to put clothes away in my drawer, sweeping, tying my shoe, exercising. The only problem is my symptoms are very unpredictable. Some days I'm fine and other days I feel so drained. Not sure if I should see the cardiologist again since they said my levels were fine. Could these symptoms be a sign of any other underlying conditions? I had asked about the possibility of diabetes because I have had frequent urination symptoms, but the doctor ruled that out as well

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
​
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.