Sorry this is my first time in reddit, I don't know how to land this in but it's not exactly venting
I'm currently 20 years old and I'm from Singapore, closeted from my family as my dad is a pervert but this is mostly about my mom. For my whole life I have known I have gender dysphoria but it only made me stop caring about my appearance, and my parents would always refuse to let me do anything from doing the chores, buying my own clothes, being unable to go outside and controlling my general appearance.
I've been trying to get out of that mould as I finally recognized I'm hitting a hard wall, so this is where the real substance comes in, keep in mind I'm 20 years old, though I recently graduated and HRT is only going to be accessible when I hit 21 as it would require consent from both parents otherwise.
I've gotten a haircut and my mom would call me ugly, despite the fact I was ostracized for god knows how long because I was forced to get a bowl cut, and that she told me that my dad won't like it cause guys like girls with long hair and my dad made fun of me for having long hair, it's been months but since then they've gotten used to it, tolerant moreof, but they would still openly mock me in front of my other family members.
I've attempted to rehaul my wardrobe and actually care about what I dress because all of my clothes are clothes my mom buys for me, she was disappointed that I did not buy anything of her poor taste, everything she gets for me are clothes for children, bright coloured, kids patterned and typically for 11 year olds as I'm 4"11, small enough to fit in them. She actively monitors every bit of the house so I can't hide anything, and when I buy any clothes I simply would just never see them again, she blew up on me on my first attempt on thrifting claiming that I can't wear any of this, it's all masculine baggier clothes akin to that of what people my generation wears, I even got my friends to shop with me to see if the look sticks, so I'm unable to move on from even attempting to transition under this household.
Despite the clothes I've bought rotting by the side of my bed, she still forces stuff like more of her new clothes, shoes and accessories on me. It's gotten to the point I have an incredibly pink depression pile on the side of my table.
It's been cutting into my mental health really badly now, but I'm genuinely unsure where to go with this. Do I have to cut my family off? Even for asian standards, my friends said this is quite severe. Thank you for reading.

Sorry this is my first time in reddit, I don't know how to land this in but it's not exactly venting
I'm currently 20 years old and I'm from Singapore, closeted from my family as my dad is a pervert but this is mostly about my mom. For my whole life I have known I have gender dysphoria but it only made me stop caring about my appearance, and my parents would always refuse to let me do anything from doing the chores, buying my own clothes, being unable to go outside and controlling my general appearance.
I've been trying to get out of that mould as I finally recognized I'm hitting a hard wall, so this is where the real substance comes in, keep in mind I'm 20 years old, though I recently graduated and HRT is only going to be accessible when I hit 21 as it would require consent from both parents otherwise.
I've gotten a haircut and my mom would call me ugly, despite the fact I was ostracized for god knows how long because I was forced to get a bowl cut, and that she told me that my dad won't like it cause guys like girls with long hair and my dad made fun of me for having long hair, it's been months but since then they've gotten used to it, tolerant moreof, but they would still openly mock me in front of my other family members.
I've attempted to rehaul my wardrobe and actually care about what I dress because all of my clothes are clothes my mom buys for me, she was disappointed that I did not buy anything of her poor taste, everything she gets for me are clothes for children, bright coloured, kids patterned and typically for 11 year olds as I'm 4"11, small enough to fit in them. She actively monitors every bit of the house so I can't hide anything, and when I buy any clothes I simply would just never see them again, she blew up on me on my first attempt on thrifting claiming that I can't wear any of this, it's all masculine baggier clothes akin to that of what people my generation wears, I even got my friends to shop with me to see if the look sticks, so I'm unable to move on from even attempting to transition under this household.
Despite the clothes I've bought rotting by the side of my bed, she still forces stuff like more of her new clothes, shoes and accessories on me. It's gotten to the point I have an incredibly pink depression pile on the side of my table.
It's been cutting into my mental health really badly now, but I'm genuinely unsure where to go with this. Do I have to cut my family off? Even for asian standards, my friends said this is quite severe. Thank you for reading.

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- - - - -
It had been a few weeks since Altier was brought to the run-down shack that his black-scaled companion likely called home, and he could now comfortably say he was accustomed to the…household’s routine. The kobold typically left at the crack of dawn, returned a little after noon, and occasionally left again to forage until nightfall. When the weather was bad or there wasn’t a particular need for something, they half-heartedly chased their rabbit around for a bit, which usually ended with a bout of quiet petting while everyone got ready for the night. It was always amusing to see the energetic side of what he had come to know as a relatively lazy loaf of an animal. As for the routine of the ferrorabbit in question… Well…it was at least more interesting than expected.
Hoppit would begin his own series of activities as soon as his caretaker left—the first of which being a check of every nook and cranny in the shed. He sniffed at anything that caught his interest, varying from morning to morning, but he gave every object or corner its due attention. Once he was satisfied with that, he would eat some of the ragged plants that made up most of his diet, take a drink from his bowl, then jump onto the tro— table and plop himself down, his ears pivoting towards the door. It was hard to say if the lounging spot had been established before Altier’s arrival, but it was somewhat amusing to pretend that the little rabbit was standing guard over his core—if it wasn’t for one particular part of the morning ritual, that is.
Indeed, the ferrorabbit had a habit of licking the obsidian orb that sat in the middle of the room, which thankfully didn’t seem to perturb the system enough to give Altier a headache. He was confused when it first happened, but it was commonplace enough now that he barely acknowledged it. A part of him liked that he was getting attention as a core, even if it was delivered via a strange grooming method. The closest he got to being acknowledged as something other than ‘the dungeon’ was through an unfortunate misunderstanding that he could never properly rectify. He supposed that was hardly worth thinking about now, though; too much time had passed for there to be anyone left to correct. The little oddity of his mornings would have to suffice.
There wasn’t much to comment on as far as the rest of the day’s happenings. Hoppit would end his loafing by shaking his head and ears in a way that filled the silence with soft clacks, give the core a customary tongue bath, then jump off the table to nose his way out of the shed through a hole that was hidden by the storage cart against the wall. Where the rabbit went was anyone’s guess, but he always returned before anyone noticed he was gone, and often did so while covered in small cuts and scratches. Any blood from the lacerations was quickly licked off before it could be seen by the kobold, and in the event that the scaly caretaker happened to return earlier than expected, Hoppit would scurry over to the bundles of blankets to finish the cleanup in secret.
Today looked to be following the usual pattern. The kobold left bright and early with various gardening tools and a wooden pail, and Hoppit had since set off into the great unknown for one reason or another. Hopefully, he returned less injured than usual. It was frustrating to admit that Altier had begun to grow rather fond of the fluffy creature, and seeing the thing come back hurt was bothersome. Was it off looking for food? There wasn’t a whole lot given to it, so that was a possibility, and it could be getting into fights over whatever it found. That still didn’t explain why the animal was so thin, and Altier didn’t have enough to go off of to think of a potential solution. He wanted to help it in some way, like by summoning a creature to act as an escort, or maybe just by manifesting something edible like he once could. No, he could only stare at the ‘Synchronizing…’ that occupied his menu, wishing he had more information to work with.
He never thought he would miss the bombardment of notifications and their lingering presence that filled the edge of his mental vision; at least with that he could surmise enough to hazard some kind of action. Even knowing why the menu was acting the way it did would be a start. Yet, try as he might, there wasn’t a history for him to reference anymore, and he had nothing to work with. He was confident the last message had asked him to ‘accept’ something, then took his befuddled ponderance as an answer, but he was no closer to an explanation for what it wanted, nor why it prompted him in the first place. He just didn’t have another experience to compare against, since nothing like that had ever happened before. Not that he was ever in much of a position to allow it.
The entire purpose of having Altier inhabit a core was for him to become a dungeon of Decay, which entailed all the skeletons, poisons, acids, and whatever else came to mind when one pictured the concept. ‘Living’ creatures were something he only had the chance to experiment with near the beginning of his new existence, though he never dabbled past the first few insects before transitioning to the mindless undead. Having a thinking, feeling, breathing entity touch his core was a rite reserved only for the adventurers and soldiers that bested his trials, and that was usually a painful experience. Now, he had spent what he could only guess was hours being held by a kobold, followed by having a rabbit bump against him, and neither felt like what he came to expect. Instead, both had led to a completely novel reaction from the system. The strange circumstances put him at a bit of a loss as to what it all meant for him.
Sure, he could dismiss the deluge of errors from his companion’s involvement by pointing to the numerous ‘corrupted’ messages before it, and Hoppit was a part of mostly unexplored territory, but the lack of clarity nagged at the back of his mind constantly. Being exposed to activity after potential decades or centuries of unchanging solitude made him despise the informational dead end. If he couldn’t make sense of the rabbit’s circumstances, then he didn’t have much hope of deciphering the reason for why his system was misbehaving so terribly. He also didn't know much about the one who owned the decrepit holdings he was housed inside.
He still wasn’t sure what drove the kobold to take him from the cave. His suspicion of becoming traded goods fell flat after the first week or so, and he hadn’t noticed any cult-like behaviour, which was promising. Granted, a lack of nefarious behaviour didn’t mean there was a lack of nefarious intent, but he didn’t get the impression his companion held that either. The kobold itself didn’t seem quite settled on an opinion of his core, though it was up for debate if the hesitation was due to knowing what he was or not. They seemed to mull something over before bed each night, yet never reached a satisfactory conclusion, staring at the obsidian orb through weary grey eyes until they eventually forced themselves into sleep.
Whatever the underlying reasoning for his abduction was, he had observed enough to know that the kobold didn’t deserve to live in destitution. As beaten as the shed might be, they cared for it as best they could, and did so without a single groan or grimace of complaint. The floors were cleaned with a tattered rag and fresh water, dust was removed regularly, and any stray mess that Hoppit made was dealt with promptly. They even took the time to wipe off his core, which was possibly where the ferrorabbit got the idea to start licking him. The only time Altier had seen discontent from the kobold was when they didn’t find much during their foraging, and thus couldn’t give any treats to the excited and bouncy herbivore.
He wasn’t aware that a creature’s face could make such a painfully broken expression, and he was quick to decide that he never wanted to see it again.
Vexingly, his metaphorical hands were tied; a dungeon could only influence their Domain, and given the state of his system, not even that option was available to him. All he could do was glare at the rotting wooden beams that held up the roof and remember when such an issue didn’t exist. It would have taken a mere flicker of thought and a paltry sum of mana to mend the struts when he was a proper dungeon. He could even outright reinforce the structure by weaving in other materials, leaving the appearance as it was while making everything stronger than iron. Well, he once could. Working with other affinities was something that came to him after absorbing the coloured motes left behind by adventurers, and the accursed stone that stole his mana had taken that ability as well.
An attempt was made anyway, his will ordering the deteriorated wood to absorb any trace metals from the ground, but it was no use. He couldn’t feel the iron or stones beneath the shed like he would have been able to before, all but confirming his suspicion that his connection to the Earth element had slipped away. Nature was much the same; the only way he knew when Hoppit had returned most days was from the subtle noise and the essence of injury. The other attributes—Air, Flame, Luma, Shadow, and so on—were ones he never experimented with to any real extent, so it was less noticeable when he lost his grasp on them. Perhaps they faded early. Either way, all he had left was a waning cognizance of his own alignment, and that wasn’t of much use to him. If he had any appreciable mana income, then perhaps he could do something, but he wasn’t even sure what the upkeep of his current Domain might be. It was entirely possible that he was running on a deficit, which would offer a reason for why his system had been so—
[Do#$@n Ex@#d$%^&d! CRe@#r H-H-H-HoPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP—]
[Errrrrrr—]
[Sy$%^hroni%^$zing…]
[Creeee-tu— Hoppit ha@$ esttttb-hed terrrrrrr-ity f^#% t$e dun@&$n!]
- - - - -
“Well then,” he mumbled to himself, taking in the strange scene behind the shed. For one, he could actually view a small distance beyond the structure now, and two, there was a rather proud-looking Hoppit sitting on his haunches before a pair of significantly less prideful examples of the species. They looked quite a bit bigger than the lazy loaf Altier had come to know, yet they were more cut up and dejected than his furry friend. That answered where the injuries had been coming from, he supposed. Hoppit was probably running off to bash heads with whatever animal population existed here beforehand, and they had only just reached a consensus on who was in charge. Impressive.
One of Hoppit’s ears turned back towards the shed, his head following suit as he gave a lagomorph’s approximation of a ‘Look what I did!’ smile. Altier blanked out mentally, but didn’t have time to question anything before the new leader of the local rabbits imperiously pointed a paw towards the surrounding forest, which was equally surreal to witness. Most surprising of all, the…subordinates? The other ferrorabbits did as commanded, keeping their forms small as they took off into the foliage. Soft clacks came from Hoppit’s pleased shake of his head, then he too left the area with only a slightly lopsided bounce to his stride.
The man-turned-core could only gape at what he saw. Were animals always so…expressive? Had Hoppit heard him? What in the world was happening? Why had Hoppit’s personal conquest led to Altier’s Domain expanding?
He lamented not having fingers, nor temples to rub with them. His system was a garbled mess of errors and inconsistent messages, his residence was falling apart at the seams, his companion was someone who abducted him from the dungeon, yet never did anything past that, and his first real experience with an animal was turning out to be more confusing than he thought possible.
All of this was after an unknown amount of time spent commanding legions of undead to strengthen the very people who he would later learn had lied to and manipulated him, making him into a nightmarish entity just to bolster the power of their forces. He almost missed the days spent gazing out of a mossy window. At least then he knew what to expect.
Nothing made sense anymore.
= = = = =
The soft sound of roots ripping free from soil suddenly stopped, only to be followed by a dull thud of Ceele’s palm slapping against the ground to catch her fall before she landed on her rear. She righted herself with her tail and tossed the stubborn weed into a pile with the others. No matter how many mornings she did this, they always seemed to replace themselves faster than she could remove the pesky things. A sigh slipped from her muzzle as she set about grabbing the next one embedded in the vegetable garden.
Aches and spreading stiffness flared up, but went ignored as she neared the end of her duties, though she was well aware that they would come back with force once she tried to settle down for the day. The impending soreness was an inevitable byproduct of spending so much time working. Still, she knew that if it wasn’t for the kindly old couple that allowed her to call their shed home, she would still be sleeping beneath the stars while making sure nothing tried to get at her Hoppit. Even if it was just a part of the deal, they were owed this much in return, and she would see it done properly.
The sun bore down on her back as she did her usual tasks, which was a departure from the slightly overcast weather as of late. It looked somewhat promising when she checked in the wee hours of the morning, yet as her gardening duties dragged on, so too did the intensity of such a clear sky. A disappointed glance at the empty wooden bucket on the edge of the field was quickly corrected. She hadn’t thought to refill it at the river after watering the crops, and her parched throat was making its protests known, while also reminding her that there wasn’t much water left at home either. One more thing to take care of when she was done.
A gruff cough brought her attention towards the old kobold resting his back against a tree some distance away, safely shaded from the unforgiving rays beaming down. Her displeasure at having yet more to do was hastily wiped away. She was undecided on what to think of the detached audience, but looking so sour while upholding her side of the agreement wouldn’t reflect well on her. Hopefully, he hadn’t seen it. Not that she could tell if he did; he always had the same expression when he watched her work. The elder kobold’s arms were crossed, a finger tapping absently against his bicep, while his tail sat motionless on the grass, the muddy red colour of his scales standing out amongst the greens and browns. ‘Makis,’ was his name, assuming her memory served.
Makis had taken to observing her every so often, usually propping himself against this or that at a distance, the unwavering scowl being as unnerving as it was belying of his age. Somewhat loose skin sagged a bit around his jowls and neck, yet the rest of his face was still taut from how much time he spent examining red-hot metal, and his arms were marred with countless burns and cuts from his profession. He held an oppressive aura, though the crinkles around his eyes and muzzle suggested he smiled as frequently as he glowered, even if Ceele was yet to see the former. There was only the same judgmental expression aimed at her when he was around. She could only hope that he didn’t take offence to some unintended slight, but she didn’t know him well enough to say what might be considered one.
They hadn’t spoken since she took up residence on the outskirts of his land. His wife was the one to introduce them, but it was quickly established that he had no intention of being a chatty individual. He led Ceele to the shed hidden amongst the trees on the edge of the property, then dismissed her with only a grunt coming from the elderly kobold. She supposed that it was for the best. Her experience in socializing was centred around convincing others to employ her, and there hadn’t been much of an opportunity to expand her horizons while living a life on the road. If that had been the end of their interactions, she would have swiftly written the terseness off, but he appeared every few days, taking up residence beneath the shade as he watched her work, never speaking a single word. At least he didn’t openly protest her presence, yet she figured that would be easier to manage. He wouldn’t be such an enigma then.
There wasn’t a whole lot she knew about him besides his penchant for ‘supervision,’ and anything beyond that was what his wife had volunteered during the rare opportunity they had to chat. She was told that Makis worked the smithy out front, and although he had retired from doing so in an official capacity, she could still regularly hear his hammer as she tended to the garden, so she figured he kept himself busy most days. It made her wonder what was so interesting about a vagrant like herself, but when there was so little else to do, she could see how anything could be made worth the attention. It was just him and his wife living in the once bustling home, after all; the couple’s children had long since grown up and made families of their own.
She noticed his gaze shift elsewhere as she tugged yet another stubborn intruder from the soil, his arms falling from across his chest and the perpetually worn displeasure melting to that of curiosity. He wandered off shortly after, and she had to make an effort not to fall onto her tail as the pressure on her shoulders unexpectedly evaporated. Did something happen?
Ceele shook her head free of the distracting thought. It wasn’t her business if he grew bored with watching her work. As long as no one voiced any complaints, she could only assume that she was doing a satisfactory job. Maybe he finally decided that he didn’t need to be so watchful because she was doing well! That could be it, right?
A glance at the somewhat sloppily maintained garden erased the false confidence from her face, but she was just as quick to focus on finishing up, unwilling to allow darker musings to fester. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be anything else that needed her intervention. The weeds were all uprooted, the soil was appropriately dampened, and her check for pesky insects or wildlife turned up nothing to worry about. She was free for the rest of the day!
…Or she would be free—as soon as she finished the last of her tasks, anyway.
The black-scaled kobold got up from her crouch unsteadily, shivering and wincing from the pins and needles in her legs. She would have to remember to stretch more often; it was far too easy to forgo that kind of thing just to make the overall work go slightly faster. Her hand reached out to grab the pile of weeds and put them into the bucket as she ran through what needed to be done before she could properly relax. Hoppit’s food needed to be washed, she needed to bathe, and they were running low on water anyway, so she would have to visit the river. Just the thought of dragging herself into the forest again made her muscles protest, but she wouldn’t have the energy to do it later. She forced the smile that had started to fall and took the first of many steps.
- - - - -
The river wasn’t too far away, only taking a few minutes of traipsing through the dense woodlands until she reached her destination. It was an idyllic little spot. The trees thinned out to allow a grassy bank along the water, and there was an appreciably gentle slope from shallows to depths, making for a convenient place to take care of various needs. She had discovered this place during her travels, and it was where a kind older woman found her.
Ceele was washing off at the time, with Hoppit safely taking shelter from the outside underneath the bundled blankets while he waited. The trickle of the stream brushing against rocks covered the sound of footsteps, so she was rather surprised when an aged voice called out to ask if she was okay. Her first reaction was to distance herself and apologize—the why didn’t matter, but she had learned that most people were more lenient of her presence if she seemed apologetic for it, and she usually was. The elderly kobold just laughed at her scrambling, tacking on an assurance that there was no need for modesty. The woman was blind, apparently, which explained how Ceele’s blackened colours hadn’t deterred her.
Strangely enough, there was a comforting sense of ease around the one who introduced herself as Hira. It was a sort of presence that Ceele could only vaguely remember, and it drew her close enough to speak as she finished bathing. The conversation wasn’t anything profound, of course—they hardly delved deeper than surface-level small talk—but Hira lost her smile as she listened to the younger kobold. By the end of it, the old woman posed a series of questions with a dark inflection to her voice, and Ceele struggled to find an answer.
‘Are you tired of looking for something that only slips away? Are you tired of running? Do you really want to be scared and alone?’
If the silence bothered Hira, then it didn’t show. She had simply held out a hand and offered Ceele a way of life that didn’t involve wondering where she would be spending the night, nor entailed cowering in the brush while fearsome predators roamed freely. It would be a simple existence of few fortunes, but it was safe, and it was honest. All she had to do was say yes.
Ceele denied it at first, partially because she knew most people despised Hobbit's species, and partially because she couldn’t shake the offer being too good to be true. Hira was quick to propose a compromise; Ceele could take residence in the gardening shed that had fallen from use, and to satiate the nagging sense of an unfair deal, she would be put in charge of maintaining the garden itself. All Hira wanted was to ‘see’ her favourite space bloom again, since she couldn’t take care of it anymore. The black-scaled kobold stared longingly at where Hoppit was, his little body shivering from the prolonged cold and fear that he would be hurt if he left the blankets hiding him. It was with a heavy guilt that she accepted Hira’s offer, keeping quiet about her true reason for doing so.
That was in the past, however, though she thought about it every time she stopped by and saw the smooth rocks where she and Hira first met. Eventually, she might gather the courage to admit that she was housing a ‘pest’ and beg for forgiveness. Until then, she would just work her hardest to prove it wasn’t a mistake to give her a home. That her endless efforts weren’t meaningless. That Hoppit deserved to be more than a ‘pest.’
That Ceele was more than something she had no control over being.
She cleared her head a bit and started on the reason she came all this way. Her dress was rather easy to wash in the meandering water, and the trees provided a suitable place for it to dry in the sunlight and light breeze. The weeds were fine with a thorough rinse near in the shallows, but taking care of her own hygiene required her to wade farther in, though it only came up to her chest in the middle of the rill. Still, she could scrub off the soil and grime, which was all she really needed. Perhaps some simple soaps would help rid her of the pervasive black that stained her skin and scales, but that was beyond her meagre means for the time being, as well as being mere wishful thinking.
She worked past the dreary mindset that settled in when she allowed it, focusing on how serene the river was. The soft birdsong from the trees helped make for a peaceful experience, and she could feel the somewhat chilled liquid basically pour into the aches and pains throughout her body, washing away the stiffness from spending so long under the unerring sun. It was nice to escape reality and let thoughts drift while held buoyant by calmer waters.
Yet the bliss was short-lived. Even if winter was gone, spring was still far from warming the waters enough for her to laze about for too long. She dragged herself from the soft current and fetched her dress from the low-lying branch she left it to dry on. It was still a touch damp, but it wasn’t anything a bit of time in front of the fireplace wouldn’t fix.
Ceele was only a short distance away from home when she heard a gravelly male voice, but it was the flicker of sight between the trees that made her drop what was in her arms and lunge into a sprint.
Makis stood just outside the gardening shed, a ferrorabbit held at arm’s length by rusty crimson hands placed on the scruff and haunch, the rabbit’s little ears flattened as fear filled its tiny face. Her eyes widened further when she noticed the small stains of blood in his light brown fur. They found out about him. Ephemeral claws of blackness clutched at her soul, ripping the very fabric she was made of as an unseen beast smiled, eager to take yet one more thing from her. Her Hoppit. Her baby. Her everything.
“Hoppit!” she shrieked, her words all but tearing out of her throat in desperation. Frozen blood coursed through her veins, yet poured into exhausted limbs. She broke through the treeline with no regard for the branches slashing against her flesh, panic making each sting fade before it could be processed. The grizzled glare of the older kobold snapped towards her, his usual scowl picking up an actual air of intensity that she never thought could be absent, the promise of violence lurking in his eyes. She skidded to a stop a few paces away, the lump in her throat threatening to clog her airway. “S-stop hurting him!”
“Didn’t,” he barked back, his tone even yet firm. “Cuts ain’t me. I’d’a done worse if’a had ta mind ta.”
The blatant declaration snapped her from blind panic, although his apparent anger didn’t do her fear any favours. “B-but… Then how…”
“‘Hoppit.’ Named it, did’cha?” he grunted, ignoring her confusion and bobbing the rabbit to get her attention again. His gaze shifted back to the animal, the flames of ire cooling slightly. “I was wonderin’ why yer plots ain’t dead yet. Suppose this critter’s why.”
One of her hands hesitantly reached out until she pulled it back, while the other clutched at her chest to stop her heart from hammering against her ribs. She couldn’t act rashly. Not while her baby was in his arms. “I—”
“Soft thing, ain’t it,” the elder kobold commented curiously, cutting her off.
“Y-yes?” she returned reluctantly, struggling to stop herself from lashing out to reclaim the ferrorabbit in his grasp.
“Like fine silk.” Makis tipped and tilted the animal, inspecting this and that with a deep-seated frown, all while Hoppit silently looked to her for help. The pit in her stomach grew. She needed to get him back, but how?
Ceele swallowed the dense dread as she tried to formulate some sort of plan, stumbling over her words and forced smile. “I-it’s nice! Isn’t it nice?”
His eyes snapped back to burrow into her own with hatred. “Wasn’t a compliment, girly.”
“B-but you—”
He released Hoppit’s lower half to jab a claw at the various spikes around his body, plying them with minimal force. “Look. See this? These’r suppose ta break bone. ‘Specially when he’s stiff like this. Ain’t no way I should be able ta bend ‘em. He’s barely more than a walkin’ carcass—all skin ‘n stick. He’s gonna get picked up by a wandering pecker if he keeps pissin’ about out ‘ere. It’s a wonder he’s still kickin’. What’cha feeding ‘em?” His gaze dropped from her face to the rest of her, disgust curling his muzzle into a snarl. “N’ver mind. I can guess.”
She felt the dampness build at the edges of her vision, unprepared to not only worry for Hoppit's immediate health, but also to face such harsh criticism while she was so vulnerable. “I… I try to make sure he has…”
Makis crouched to release the ferrorabbit onto the ground, Ceele dropping to her knees the moment he did. The terrified lagomorph wasted no time, bolting towards his adoptive mother and leaping into her arms, shaking uncontrollably. The rust-coloured ‘bold stared as she started soothingly stroking the animal’s back.
“Yer given’ em the weeds, aren’t ya?” he stated rather than asked. She gave a teary nod when her voice wouldn’t respond for her. The old kobold drew a breath, letting it go in an exasperated sigh as he stood back up, his expression becoming more impatient than antagonistic. “What else?”
“I— Um…”
“What. Else?”
“W-whatever I c-can find!” she sputtered out. Hoppit tried to hide against her neck, prompting her to tighten her hold. She couldn’t stop herself from shrinking, the guilt and confusion pulling her head down. “R-roots, vegetables, fruits… I give them as often as I can.”
His glare continued unimpeded, his cadence cold. “That it?”
There were a million things Ceele wanted to say. A part of her wanted to beg him not to kick them out of the first safe place she had in longer than she could remember, but she couldn’t find the words. She wanted to deny the judgmental tone that stabbed into her insecurity surrounding how good of a job she was doing with Hoppit, but the deadened void in her chest swallowed her pride whole. She knew he was right to critique her. That she was failing in the only thing that mattered anymore. That the feeling of loss would return.
“I try,” she whispered through the beginnings of a sob. “I try to find more, but he needs someone around, and I have to work the garden, so there’s only so much time I can spend looking. He won’t even eat all of what I bring back…” Tears dripped off her cheeks as she aimed a desolate smile at her furry friend. “He wants to make sure I have some too.”
“Yer killin’ em,” Makis pointed out plainly, crossing his arms. “He’ll be dead ‘fore the summer at this rate.”
“I know!” she shouted, forcing back the memories of insidious murmurs that lurked in the back of her mind, eager to creep into her ears again. The hate-filled stares that followed her, the rumours that arrived in towns before she had the chance to make an impression, and the guilt that loomed over her like an executioner's axe… “I know I am… I just… I don’t know what he needs. I don’t know how to make him happy…but I try. I’m trying…”
“…Yer an idiot, girly.”
She looked up to see the elder kobold walking away without another word. Her eyes fell to Hoppit, the ferrorabbit pressing himself against her as much as he could. He was small, thin, soft, and growing weaker by the day, but he never let it keep him down for long. No, he always showed his best for her, giving her joy that wasn’t provided anywhere else. She saw the thin cuts and dried blood, though she didn’t know where they came from, nor how he got out of the shed in the first place. But that was okay. Hoppit was okay, and she had Hoppit, so everything was okay, right?
…But how much longer would everything stay okay? How much longer until her efforts weren’t enough, and she was left desperately reaching for fading memories of what once was? How much longer until she killed her baby too?
How much longer until she was alone again?
Soft footsteps drew near, pulling her from the spiralling thoughts that threatened to gnaw at her soul. Damp, blurry eyes fell on Makis returning with a small wooden crate, the older kobold stopping a few steps away. He dropped the box, a deep, rattling thud produced as it impacted the ground, making Hoppit flinch in her arms. Ceele blinked as she kept him calm, then blinked again, looking up at the man for answers.
“The name, girly,” he spat in irritation. “Ferrorabbit. Ther’ Earth aligned creatures; they need metals. They don’t care where they get it, but they need lots of it. Iron, copper, tin, lead—raw crystal, if they can find it. You name it, they’ll take a chunk out of it. It's why they bother farmers so much; the best soil’s usually top’a gem deposits, ‘n the little bastards have no issue burrowing deep to get it. Dries up the element’s energy ‘n makes the crops weak.”
Ceele’s mouth opened and closed, each unsuccessful attempt to speak making her feel smaller and smaller. More and more lost. Why was he telling her this? How did he know? What was in the—
He kicked the crate with the side of his foot. “Scraps. Don’t’cha look at me like that. I’m a smith, girly. I might be old and retired, but I still work a forge. Now, this ain’t anything pure—it’s just slag and hunks—but I’m sure the critter won’t mind. Your little gardenin’ project pays off, ‘n I’ll see which of my contacts can get in some better ore.”
She ripped her eyes away from the box and met the perpetual scowl of the old kobold, seeing a warmth behind the hostility that she had never noticed before. “…Why?”
He scoffed in amusement, which looked somewhat menacing on such a hardened expression. “Yer a touch stupid, girly, but the missus adores ya, ‘n yer a good worker.” A shadow of a smile formed on his face. “Hira spent more evenings asking ‘bout how the plots are doin’ than I got time in the day. She’d bite my head off if I noticed a critter like that sufferin’ and didn’t lend a hand. ‘Specially when it’s obvious you ain’t tryin’ ta hurt the thing.”
“B-but the garden… Isn’t he a problem?”
Makis rolled his eyes, turning with a dismissive wave of his hand. “If he was, he’da killed it by now. I’d say he’s been keepin’ the others clear ‘n got scratched up for the trouble. That’s more reason to feed ‘em right in my eyes; pay the poor bastard his dues.” He paused after a few steps, shooting her one last incredulous glance. “‘N the rabbit’s right. You’re not much better off than he is. Eat. Before the missus takes my head, preferably. I ain’t need ta hear her worryin’ over you more than I already do.”
And with that, he walked off back to the house, leaving Ceele to sit stunned on the ground with Hoppit quietly nuzzling into her.
“Hoppit…?”
The ferrorabbit perked an ear and gently licked her collar. Fresh tears ran rivulets down her face, yet they didn’t weigh her down. They felt freeing. She adjusted her hold on the rabbit and held him out, taking in the small cuts and numerous other injuries she had never noticed before. He stared back at her with worried eyes.
“You’ve been busy, huh?” she cooed quietly, doing her best to keep her voice from cracking. He shrunk in her hands. “I told you to stay home, baby. What if something happened to you? I wouldn’t know where you went, and…”
Her protests died out as she saw what was unmistakably guilt on his little face. She brought him back to her chest and cleared her throat.
“It’s alright, Hoppit. If… If you want to help momma, then we can work together, okay? Just…please don’t go off getting hurt… I don’t know what I’d do without you…” The rabbit didn’t reply, and she was pretty sure she had never heard him make any sounds that weren’t his happy little ear clacks, but she chose to interpret the nuzzling as an agreement. “Such a smart boy…”
She took a breath and wiped off the excess moisture from her cheeks, setting Hoppit down on the ground. “Let’s bring Mr. Makis’ gift in, and then I need to go get more water so we can clean you up, okay?”
He bounced his way to the door of their home, waiting patiently for her to lug the surprisingly heavy crate into the shed. He was even still behaving himself by the time she returned from picking up the things she dropped in her haste. There wasn’t a single protest from the ferrorabbit as she washed over his wounds with warm water, nor when she asked him to wait as she cut up a small salad for him using an extra portion of her rationed vegetables. Finally, once everything else was gone, she tentatively sifted through the box until she found a chunk of something that didn’t look so sharp, then offered it to Hoppit skeptically.
As startling as it was to see him bite through metal without issue, she couldn’t help but tear up again at how pleased he looked with the bizarre addition to his diet. He munched through the first piece, then stared at the box while pawing at the air, asking for more. She obliged through wet laughs, feeling lighter than she had since he first gazed at her from his burrow, alone and afraid, just like she was.
Her little baby was happy, and that made it okay.
Next
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A/N: Thank you to my Patrons, new and returning! No Thanks, Emmanuel, and Megathor join the others who get to read 1 chap ahead!

I've never had much luck with crushes, and it usually has to do with my appearance (I'm chubby, and I wouldn't call myself pretty) and my being very awkward around people. which is why I wonder if this guy likes me. We became friends around December of last year, and we never had any interactions that stood out to me as out of the ordinary for us. (Things would get quiet, and he would walk away), but at some point, I couldn't identify when he was acting differently. He walked with me to my next class and tried hugging me goodbye, but I didn't realize it and stuck my hand out for a handshake.( I know it was very embarrassing, but that's not the point.) He would try to hug me more after this, and he would rest his arm on my shoulder, but he didn't really treat it as a big deal, so neither did I. Well, we were with some mutual friends before class started, and one of the girls stared talking about the guy she likes, and he made a joke about his ideal height for a partner, and he said super short because he likes young girls (shitty joke, but I digress), but then he said he was joking, and then he said his ideal girlfriend's height would be around my height, and he put his hand out next to my head as to say that height. I didn't think much of this because I assumed he was joking again. Then the conversation turned, and the two girls started talking separately from us, and then he started telling me about how he was going to the gym more now and to feel his arms, and he asked me to punch his thighs to feel how hard they were. I thought this was strange, but I wanted to let him brag because I was glad he was proud of himself. But when I told this to my friends, one started telling me that he likes me, and the other just thought he was being more friendly and, if anything, to see if he does that stuff with anyone else and not jump to conclusions. I told her she was probably right and didn't think of it till the next time I saw him. I didn't notice him being like this with anyone. Before class, we would talk with our friends, and he would put his hand on my shoulder or lean on me like it was normal, but then I noticed that he would pull out a chair to sit next to me or he would move so he could talk to me, but I just assumed it was because I was always early and he had no one else to talk to. Sometimes we wouldn't talk or anything; we would just look at random crap on his phone or mine while waiting for others to get there or for class to start. At our spring concert, he played the fnaf music for me because I couldn't (I suck at the violin, and I had a sprained shoulder, so I physically couldn't play). I thought it was cute because it was just us and a mutual friend, but she wasn't really paying attention to us. At the end of the night, I walked back to help pack up with him and some friends, and I usually stay to hear him and one of our friends fight over who's better, but I hurt myself with my shoes, so I left way earlier, and he actually seemed bummed out to see me go, so at this point, I sort of think he might like me, but then when we were talking a couple of weeks ago, we were just scrolling on Twitter after class and stumbled upon one of those threads that were just an excuse for people to get their nudes out there, and that turned into a conversation about how girls are sending nudes younger and younger these days, and then he pulled out his Snapchat and asked me if I was ok with seeing something. I said ok, and he was hesitant, but he showed me some random girl's nudes and started saying that he beat her in Fortnite and how that was the deal they made. I asked him if he liked her, and he said no. I thought this was super weird and even told him not to lead her on, but he said that she didn't take it seriously and that she told him she didn't see it that way. It was our last week of school last week, so we didn't have anything planned for class, our teacher hooked up the smart board to his switch, and I got there late and saw he had been playing, but when I pulled out my chair, it was kind of far from his (he was closer to the screen, and I was way behind a bunch of people), so he waited till the round was over and gave his controller to someone else, then bought a new chair to sit next to me. He was close as usual, and I was playing on my DSI while he was just on his phone. I told him to stop looking at Twitter at School because it's Twitter and why would he risk that, so he got on Instagram and stated that he was showing me videos. then we saw this video of a guy pretending to stretch to put his arm around a girl, and he went to do it, and I also tried to do it at the same time, so he just sat back the way had been, then started talking about summer activities and that he has to go visit family but he doesn't want to, and I said that I would help him escape, and he asked if I had an extra room to hide in, and I said no, but that he could share my room with my dog, but that she would put up a fight. Yada yada, we laughed, and then, as we were walking to our next class, he waited with me to meet with one of my friends, and he asked me about my sexuality and ex-girlfriend and said that he was going to have a summer glow up, and that was the last time I spoke with him. I don't know if I'm just reading too much into this or if he might like me. The last time I thought someone liked me, he straight up asked me for advice about another girl.

TL;DR I don't know if this guy likes me because I'm bad at reading people. :\

I've made a similar post like this but more focused on their arguments. Here, I'll more focus on what they say.

• "Furries are weird."
  • Here, it's important to know there's nothing wrong with being weird. In fact, we are weird in our own little ways. This is also perfectly acceptable as a reason to not like furries, but is NOT an excuse to harass them or hate them irrationally.
• "Furries are zoophiles."
  • This is an unfounded claim that is not based in any reason at all. This is a classic way to vilify a group to make such a group seem more unappealing or disgusting. It's a sweeping generalization that is inaccurate because it makes an assumption about a diverse group of people.
• "Furries have a mental illness."
  • Another unfounded claim. Similar to the last one but tamer, this is a way to make a group seem more unappealing. And even if they have a mental illness, should we mock them or stay away from them for that? And the illness is not even specified.
• Anti Furry Statement ("We are not there to spread hate, or to bully those to their downfall. We are there to help them see the wrong in what they are getting into and to show them a brighter future that they can have if they simply see what they are becoming a part of.")
  
  • This statement is vague in language but the discrimination does scream! :) This is a kind of rhetoric that uses concern to disguise bullying and hate. FYI: Implying there's something wrong with being a furry is an ignorant, judgmental assumption and is just as bad as bullying or spreading hate.
  • The statement is also very condescending and patronizing, with that slight edge to it as if they're implying that they're going to be a savior for furries. But what are they saving furries from? They think they're helping to save furries by stopping them from becoming furries. But that's just a way to limit personal freedom of expression through a harmless medium just because that medium has been used for something else questionable (but separate).
  • How about respecting people for who they want to be instead and what they want to do, as long as it doesn't harm anyone?
• "Furries don't care about the dirt in their fandom."
  
  • I can't speak for all furries, and so can't anyone. But it is factual to say that the majority of furries want nothing to do with the -philes in their fandom and many indeed want to tackle this issue. But you can't just find -philes walking around. You'll have to dig for it.
  • It's a very tiny minority that you can't easily find because they will, of course, hide themselves in order to avoid getting reported or spotted.
  • Many furries actually actively speak out against zoophiles (such as the members of various Furry subreddits) and focus on distancing themselves from it.

If you have more sayings from antifurs, please comment below. I'll edit and add to this post.

I’ve noticed there are some rare events in AC Mirage, with no map marker or Hud icons, which are pretty hard to find. So far I’ve encountered:
-(the best) A cat who wanted me to escort it to its house because there were some snakes nearby, then the owner came to greet it and thanked me. (Near Jarjaraya widow’s house)
-In the southwestern gate, at night i found a group of musicians and people at some little party. Basim had there some unique animations, like clapping, peacefully lean on his back and watch, and also giving some money to them.
-This one happened time ago and im not sure if its an event or just a coincidence, after finishing the game i was doing side quest and when i returned to one of the hideouts (maybe harbiyah, not sure) i found some hidden ones fighting outside the den with a couple guards. I helped them but it was my first playtrough and i thought it was normal and my “event finder” skills weren’t active, so i didnt stay there to see if they had some unique voicelines after that, a conversation or something. I found it just once snd never happened again.
So my real question is, how many of these could there be? Is there a list or something? Its actually really hard to find them, but im sure there must be more of them, the map big enough to hide plenty of these events. Have you found something similar?
Tell me if u want some explanation on how to find the first 2 events mentioned, ive no idea how to re encounter the third one or even if it was an event or just some bug or coincidence, i only know it was near a den after completing the mainstory and some contracts.

I (25F) have been dating my partner (25M) for just over 8 months. Some context - We realised that we had different interests but bonded over the fact that we shared the same values about most things. We moved in together early on and have had a happy relationship since. I’ve been in therapy for 3+ years now, just to be better for my own and my partner’s wellbeing, handling situations and relationships better. We’re also super open and communicative about the best and worst of things-sex, orgies, experimenting, contraception, testing etc. On top of everything we trust and have faith in each other.
So - the problem started when i noticed a pubic louse on myself (I didn’t know what it was at the time) and then on my partner. It was a Friday night so we decided to call 111 and ask for advice and they suggested that we go to our nearest sexual health clinic as soon as possible on which was 3 days away because it was a bank holiday weekend.
I suggested that my partner should reach out to his brother-in-law, who happens to be a doctor and works as a sexual health clinician. I didn’t think too much about it because I didn’t cheat on him and i don’t think he did either. We’re a bit anxiously attached (something we both realise we need to work on) and spend ALL of our time together. I just go to work and spend the rest of my day and all of my weekends with him. He works remotely and has space and time to go out but I know him quite well and he’d never do something like that. Plus we have each other’s phone passcodes and can browse through them anytime we like.
We went to a club with friends (a few weeks before discovering the pubic lice) when my legs started chafing because of a skirt I’d been wearing, so I decided to borrow a friend’s tights.
Since we discovered the lice, I’ve been incredibly empathetic towards his family and understand what they must be feeling in a situation like this (not being able to attend family events for a bit because they have kids) so i reached out to them in an attempt to maintain relationships and have honest and open conversations.
Despite this, his family (sisters and BIL) are accusing me of cheating at work and saying horrible things about me- it’s given me a lot of anxiety and hurt me deeply. His brother-in-law insists that pubic lice can only be caused by having sex with other people. They insisted that we should contact our friend and ask if she had something and gave it to us.
As much as I’d want to know this, I don’t want to ask her about it because it’s going to damage our relationship because it’s going to seem accusatory. Also since STIs are so taboo, nobody wants to admit they have it. So they could potentially lie about not having it, which would only make the situation worse. On top of all this the entire friend circle is going to find out about the issue and it’s going to start a whole new set of problems.
Through all this my partner has been incredibly supportive and we’ve tried to put our well-being first by speaking to other sexual health doctors and getting tested. Both of our clinicians insisted that it’s “absolutely possible” to get pubic lice through tights (as well as other clothing, bedding and towels) and that it’s one of the only STIs that can transmit non-sexually. They advised us to not worry too much about it, and we’ve tested negative for everything else as well.
It’s been 2 weeks and we’ve recovered and told what we heard from the two senior female sexual health clinicians to his sisters but they continue to be rude and unsupportive and talk disrespectfully about me. One of them said that they have lost all respect for me and any respect they show me is because of my partner. I used to look up to his sisters and loved and appreciated them but I’m deeply hurt and it’s affecting my day to day activities and work. Despite my partner trusting and believing in me, I’m having a hard time getting over this. We can’t cut them off because they have kids that both my partner and I would like to have an amicable relationship with.
Also, the sisters have told the mum ( who’s quite conservative so we had to hide things like this relationship from her initially.) She’s ruined everything about this relationship for me and moved everyone in the family away and against me.
How do I go about this? I never want to see them again after what they said and I want to move out but it’s only going to affirm their belief about me cheating. It’s ruining my mental health, relationships and self esteem.
TLDR: Partner’s sisters and BIL (who happens to be a sexual health clinician) are accusing me of cheating when I haven’t done anything. Senior female doctors from the same sexual health clinic say otherwise. What do I do about this?

So, a 7 year old boy named Conner lives in Seattle Washington in the year 3006, he lives with a poor family consisting of his dad, mom, and brother. The mayor, Mr. Gami (the guy in the white suit with an Oni Mask) is testing how Atomic radiation could revolutionize the world. What the people don't know is that he's the leader of an underground crime syndicate mafia who is testing with Atomic Radiation to create new machinery and weapons. Conner is now 13 he lives a happy life until his parents drink some water from the faucet which is irradiated with atomic waste. The next day they're hospitalized, they sadly pass away in the hospital. The thing is that Conner and his bro didn't know what caused their death, all they know is that they died to radiation, so Conner's bro drinks more tap water and dies in the hospital like his parents. Conner is devastated and depressed, he gets fostered in a foster home. He gets adopted at 16 by a wealthy, rich family. He goes to school but most of the time he just skips it. One night he sneaks out of his house, he sees a group of men in hazmat suits causing tiny green explosions in a near by alley way, he proceeds to follow them down the alley into a secret underground area filled with mob bosses, he found out that the Mayor, Mr. Gami is creating Atomic weapons and that he killed Conner's parents. Conner runs out and hides in his house. He has wants to avenge his family so he comes up with the idea to create a suit to take down the crime syndicate. During the night Conner orders a bunch of materials, and does unauthorized tests for creating Atomic radiation in his chemistry class during the night. 2 years later he's now 18 in the year 3017 he finished creating his suit. It has a sword that can be activated to glow a bright green which is the radiation illuminating the sword. He has has miniature less lethal Atomic bombs, normal bombs, and smoke bombs in his belt and shoulder belt. His suit has a black cloth body suit covering him layered with micro fibers of lead, on top of that are titanium plates of armor covering parts of his body, he has steel armor covering his shoulders, forearms, and knees. He has glass with the plastic they use for window shields for his visor. He has a knight head/eyepiece for extra visoeye protection, it also has a toggable thermal vision. He also has grapples under his steel forearm armor. He has a supply of healing serums and venom on his left arm. He puts it on and sits on the rooftop of a tall building while it rains like a badass. He jumps off the roof and slides his sword down the side of the building to slow how fall, he grapples to a group of criminals trying to rob a middle aged woman. He learned about a team of superheroes called the Global Guardians who protected the planet during the 2010's to 2050's They consisted of Red Riot (basically superman but he was enhanced with a serum that enhances him more when near a gem called cyrophite), Girl Goddess (Wonder Woman), Light speed (The Flash), Metal Mercenary (she's in a relationship with light speed), Golden Reaper (Kind of like Moonknight and Wolverine mixed together), and Silver Scarab (basically Blue Beetle). Yet he doesn't seem to know how to be friendly because he decided to beat the criminals into a bloody pulp with his fists like batman. After a few more crime encounters he's learnt to tone the violence down a notch.
I don't have much of the story yet so I'll tell a few other things. Mr. Gami has an ancient Oni spirit protecting him which gives him powers. The girl with red hair is named Clair, she has a curse which gives her powers from hell, she has tenticles that can come out of chest, back, and arms which can be used for anything (they're kind of like symbiotic tenticles from Marvel). She is 15, she usually uses her powers to shoplift because well... she has like no family or friends because they all think she's a freak which is understandable. Whenever she gets mad or feels some sort of negative emotion it gets hard for her to control her powers. She actually met Atomic Knight when he tried stopping her from robbing a convenient store in which she got frustrated, and afraid which led her to go berserk and out of control. AtomicKnight calmed her down by talking her out of it and by buying her food. He's 20 when he meets her. He's a little more like Spider-man and Batman mixed together, Broody, dark and violent like Batman, but young, and cracks jokes depending on who he's fighting. He has like a Joel and Ellie from the last of us type of relation ship (Father and Daughter-ish) but they're mostly just friends.

Yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, unbeknownst to my friends and family (other than my brother) I (33M) told my girlfriend (32F) we can no longer be together.
I am from England and now reside Los Angeles California where I work as a waiter (no I don’t want to be an actor I just want to be happy). I am from a working class but new money background who had a good up bringing despite the separation of my mother and father when I was born. I moved to the USA ten years ago to see what else life had to offer. I have always been care-free, happy and, I’d like to think, nice to be around. I have many friends in the UK and here and have an excellent(and fought for) relationships with both sides of my family.
My ex-girlfriend is French Tunisian, Jewish and was schooled in Taiwan, the US French School system and France. She is from a fairly dogmatic Jewish family and her father is an internationally recognised entrepreneur, one of the most successful in France (and no slouch in the US). Her family home is in Bel Air and her family split time between a few different countries.
We have been together for nearly two years after meeting through a shared friend. Our love of dancing, dining and pseudo intellectualism led to a chaotic early relationship where we would argue furiously, but enjoyably, about a myriad of topics and found our vast chasms of differences to be great pools of shared interests. Despite not having been in a relationship since I was left by my girlfriend in 2014 and having dated many women she was the first time I’d felt love in a long time. A feeling I thought might never come back.
As time went on we settled into a rhythm that would occasionally be disturbed by what I can only describe as moments of mania in my partner. She eventually told me she suffers from BPD and has an anxiety disorder. As I grew up with a step-father who suffered from depression who loved my mother and helped raise myself and my brother with dignity and care I knew I could separate the disease from the person and have worked to help her rise to the challenge of her illness. Eventually we reached a point where she realised she needed medicine to fight this battle and sought help and she has emerged the best version of herself.
This all took place as she, a chef, sold her business, struggled with stress induced hair loss, irrational temper, misplaced feelings of betrayal (she once found a pair of underpants that were not my own or hers and accused me of cheating to the point that I started to question what I actually knew to be true. I have never cheated on anyone and never would) and would occasionally act in a way that would reduce me to tears. I have always had an argumentative streak, but I am not aggressive. I once remarked that I had more arguments with my partner in a few months than I’d had in my entire life. This was a difference in upbringing in my mind, I saw rage and love to be separate roads but my partner saw them as natural, converging parts of love and passion (French!) I was willing to believe I could learn to understand those differences and grow. I knew we could overcome these things. I believed I knew.
There were certain differences that were insignificant in the face of love so I learnt to change. I am not keen on public displays of affection or at least her style of it, this is something I tried to change despite my discomfort. She would happily kiss me passionately and furiously and touch me in a way I felt was sometimes…mistimed.I was happy to exchange love, to kiss briefly, to hold her, to be by her side, I did all the things I felt were right, she was never without affection (naturally these things are from my perspective, I would hope she never felt unloved or ‘sexy’). I eventually relented in these hang ups and began to act in public more as she would want, I’m still unsure, due to her unbelievable conviction in her beliefs if this was the first compromise of many in who I was.
She did have hang-ups about her looks, she had been bullied when she was younger and in some small way by her family. I thought she was absolutely beautiful, she was so different from anyone I’d met, the way she moved and danced, the way she sang in French in the shower(she was an incredible talent in many things, spoke 3 languages fluently and understood many others). She did however believe that I, physically, was out of her league and I could never convince her otherwise, I could never give her enough confidence in our aesthetic compatibility and whenever she did see us as equals it was fleeting, quickly replaced by her anxieties about her weight (she had an a world beating physique, a body most women would have to buy).
Now for me.
I have suffered with a lifelong issues surrounding erectile dysfunction and the shame and distress it can cause, including poor treatment by certain women that has worsened my anxiety around sex which I treat with viagra and heavy pot smoking in the evening (I do realise this isn’t exactly ‘doing the work’ but I felt i’d found a structure). My partner helped in my growth in this issue and treated me with care and love bringing me to a point where occasionally I could make love without assistance. This was one of the greatest feelings in my life, to feel respected and loved, to be seen as a man. I felt like I didn’t have to avoid sex anymore. This took a great toll on her and in some ways I think my issues, despite her denial, made her feel unattractive. These issues still persist today and may last the rest of my life, I hope to keep working on them and plan to seek therapy.
This journey, for both of us, was stressful but she started to shine outside of her illness, finding a peace with herself. I should mention that she is a very forceful, powerful and demanding woman, while also being, serene, calm and kind. It is an intoxicating blend and I always found her company wonderful, though occasionally, as my father once put it, it would be like “standing too close to the sun” (I told her about this and we both found it funny. In fact there was very little I wouldn’t share with her, I am honest to a fault).
There are however some caveats that I must be clear about, or as clear as I can understand them. I had a nagging sense that in order to allow my partners ‘light to shine’ so to speak that I must diminish mine (she never asked this of me or implied I must change). This led to my , normally extroverted , personality to start to fade and be replaced with this sometimes timid, sometimes briefly extroverted behaviour, but always with a concerned mind to how I’m behaving, or how she was behaving. I felt, particularly when she had too much to drink , I was concerned about her behaviour, her slight habit of dominating conversations. , sometimes she would go overboard in the way she spoke to other people and I would feel embarrassed (I started to defend these behaviours rather than confront them - another weakness in me not her).
I was frequently unable to stay out late on nights and out and find myself wondering if my partner is okay if she were at home alone, if I should be with her or if I would disrespect her by speaking to other people. I began to actively ignore platonic conversations with women in order to retain some outsized idea of ‘honour’. I suppose I had started to absorb her slight Co-dependency.
Side bar: My partner had come from a myriad of failed previous relationships that involved infidelity on both sides, sexual violence, addiction in her partners, a cancelled marriage in her twenties and various other things I imagine would destroy a lesser person. She has no real friends in the USA and has no girlfriends preferring, from what I understand, the company of her partners male friends. She likes being ‘one of the lads’ so to speak.
This is not the person I saw, nor did a person’s past concern me. I have loved many people in my life who had made mistakes and I judge people by their treatment of me. I suppose a result of a ‘colourful’ upbringing.
Un…side bar?
My partner is a jealous and possessive person, sometimes in jest and occasionally with an air of seriousness, and I am incredibly relaxed and do not experience real jealousy. I once joked that if I came home to find the plumber shagging her I’d ask if he’d like a cup of tea and when he’d be done with the plumbing.
As my partners star rose in our relationship, as she shedded the skins of her past I think I started to pick them up and wear them. I became a sort of low-rent Jesus. A rubbish bargain-bin Jesus. I started to become quieter and more anxious, I began to smoke weed with more frequency and began bottling my problems and hiding behind video games (my first love). Looking back I think this was the onset of my depression.
As a result of these feelings my sexual problems returned and I looked to testosterone therapy to try and change who I was for her. Once again - she did not ask this of me, but my inclination to please her led me to believe I must. Eventually, after some short term successes, (two months or so of a high sex drive and a feeling of real, raw, masculine power, something I’d never felt before) the medication I was taking pushed my oestrogen so high I began to experience huge bouts of anger and sadness, losing my temper quickly and crying with abundance. My drug induced personality changes reached a point where my hair began to fall out, a combination of stress, increased testosterone/an adverse reaction to the medicine. This combination of symptoms resulted in me immediately, after conversation with my partner, stopping the drug.
Since stopping in March my mood started to become more erratic, my feelings of perpetual happiness disappeared leaving thin wisps of who I was before. I lost my hope, my love of life and my feelings of freedom, in who I was and how I felt. In some ways I felt I had become my partner when I met her. Fractious and broken, despairing and resentful, suspicious of my friends.
There was also the issue of the war in Gaza. I never believed a political/cultural issue could drive a wedge between two people who loved each other, mostly because being English boils down to a few interchangeable stereotypes. I am, however, an outspoken and staunch atheist, a lover of Christopher Hitchens, a pacifist and someone who believes people are inherently good. Despite our shared atheism she did not share my positive outlook on humanity and she had very strong, somewhat ‘fundamentalist’ beliefs about Israel and their enemies (her brother was an ex-IDF sniper who, despite this unusual vocation, I liked and enjoyed the company of, we are all products of our environment after all).
I found myself burying my disgust with the ongoing conflict, stifling my beliefs about the war and adjusting my own opinions. I even allowed her father (who would not speak to me other than a ‘hello’) to hang religious symbols in our home. I did this because I wanted her to reforge the fractious relationship she had with her family. I was however, despite these concessions, never truly welcomed by them, particularly her father (family is incredibly important to me) I would always be an outsider regardless of how much I loved her or how well I treated her. Only being Jewish would be enough. This hurt me but I buried it as deep as I could, believing I needed to earn THEIR respect. This was a mistake.
She would sometimes laugh or rejoice in the pain of Gaza’s civilians, there was a blood thirsty element that I couldn’t comprehend fully. I, from what I now understand of American culture, believe it is born of fear - I must destroy them before they destroy me. And I do not deny that both sides are wrong in their, ironically (and historically) similar beliefs and that given an exchange of opinions power Hamas would do as to Israel as Israel is doing to Hamas. I felt I was baited into debates where no ground could be given, I would find myself screaming and angry, our arguments would reach huge, borderline dangerous (never physical) crescendos. She would recover from these quickly. I would feel like a piece of me had been carved off, chipped away.
I suppose at this point I’ve written enough to explain that these buried feelings, these differences, these arguments, my extinguishing personality and my weakened mental state led to me, in a moment and after a small argument surrounding her feelings of anxiety over our relationship led to me snapping.
I told her I could no longer continue the relationship as the road we were taking would lead to assured mutual destruction. Or at least it would lead to my destruction. Or that’s how i felt (this is what I’m trying to reconcile).
I do not know whether I should have asked for more of her, been strong enough to not change (but then would we still be together?) or communicated more honestly about my feelings. I feel like I did everything I could to help her and hurt myself.
I am left a less sure person, a less confident person who cannot remember how to be who he was before. And now I am without the person I loved, despite all our differences, and I feel I have hurt her beyond measure as an act of self preservation. I feel selfish, wounded and victimised. I feel cold to what I have done, I feel distant from who I am and now for the first time I am seeking validation from the faceless snake of the internet. I am concerned I will be judged, I fear people will see through me and tell me I’m weak and wrong. But I need clarity, I need to understand.
I’m sorry for how confused this story is, i’m sorry the timeline is Nolan-like and my grammar variable and inconsistent. I’m sorry I can’t stop saying sorry.
I still love her but I know I have to let her go.
I hope, like Don Henley crooned, ‘it wasn’t really wasted time’

Yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, unbeknownst to my friends and family (other than my brother) I (33M) told my girlfriend (32F) we can no longer be together.
I am from England and now reside Los Angeles California where I work as a waiter (no I don’t want to be an actor I just want to be happy). I am from a working class but new money background who had a good up bringing despite the separation of my mother and father when I was born. I moved to the USA ten years ago to see what else life had to offer. I have always been care-free, happy and, I’d like to think, nice to be around. I have many friends in the UK and here and have an excellent(and fought for) relationships with both sides of my family.
My ex-girlfriend is French Tunisian, Jewish and was schooled in Taiwan, the US French School system and France. She is from a fairly dogmatic Jewish family and her father is an internationally recognised entrepreneur, one of the most successful in France (and no slouch in the US). Her family home is in Bel Air and her family split time between a few different countries.
We have been together for nearly two years after meeting through a shared friend. Our love of dancing, dining and pseudo intellectualism led to a chaotic early relationship where we would argue furiously, but enjoyably, about a myriad of topics and found our vast chasms of differences to be great pools of shared interests. Despite not having been in a relationship since I was left by my girlfriend in 2014 and having dated many women she was the first time I’d felt love in a long time. A feeling I thought might never come back.
As time went on we settled into a rhythm that would occasionally be disturbed by what I can only describe as moments of mania in my partner. She eventually told me she suffers from BPD and has an anxiety disorder. As I grew up with a step-father who suffered from depression who loved my mother and helped raise myself and my brother with dignity and care I knew I could separate the disease from the person and have worked to help her rise to the challenge of her illness. Eventually we reached a point where she realised she needed medicine to fight this battle and sought help and she has emerged the best version of herself.
This all took place as she, a chef, sold her business, struggled with stress induced hair loss, irrational temper, misplaced feelings of betrayal (she once found a pair of underpants that were not my own or hers and accused me of cheating to the point that I started to question what I actually knew to be true. I have never cheated on anyone and never would) and would occasionally act in a way that would reduce me to tears. I have always had an argumentative streak, but I am not aggressive. I once remarked that I had more arguments with my partner in a few months than I’d had in my entire life. This was a difference in upbringing in my mind, I saw rage and love to be separate roads but my partner saw them as natural, converging parts of love and passion (French!) I was willing to believe I could learn to understand those differences and grow. I knew we could overcome these things. I believed I knew.
There were certain differences that were insignificant in the face of love so I learnt to change. I am not keen on public displays of affection or at least her style of it, this is something I tried to change despite my discomfort. She would happily kiss me passionately and furiously and touch me in a way I felt was sometimes…mistimed.I was happy to exchange love, to kiss briefly, to hold her, to be by her side, I did all the things I felt were right, she was never without affection (naturally these things are from my perspective, I would hope she never felt unloved or ‘sexy’). I eventually relented in these hang ups and began to act in public more as she would want, I’m still unsure, due to her unbelievable conviction in her beliefs if this was the first compromise of many in who I was.
She did have hang-ups about her looks, she had been bullied when she was younger and in some small way by her family. I thought she was absolutely beautiful, she was so different from anyone I’d met, the way she moved and danced, the way she sang in French in the shower(she was an incredible talent in many things, spoke 3 languages fluently and understood many others). She did however believe that I, physically, was out of her league and I could never convince her otherwise, I could never give her enough confidence in our aesthetic compatibility and whenever she did see us as equals it was fleeting, quickly replaced by her anxieties about her weight (she had an a world beating physique, a body most women would have to buy).
Now for me.
I have suffered with a lifelong issues surrounding erectile dysfunction and the shame and distress it can cause, including poor treatment by certain women that has worsened my anxiety around sex which I treat with viagra and heavy pot smoking in the evening (I do realise this isn’t exactly ‘doing the work’ but I felt i’d found a structure). My partner helped in my growth in this issue and treated me with care and love bringing me to a point where occasionally I could make love without assistance. This was one of the greatest feelings in my life, to feel respected and loved, to be seen as a man. I felt like I didn’t have to avoid sex anymore. This took a great toll on her and in some ways I think my issues, despite her denial, made her feel unattractive. These issues still persist today and may last the rest of my life, I hope to keep working on them and plan to seek therapy.
This journey, for both of us, was stressful but she started to shine outside of her illness, finding a peace with herself. I should mention that she is a very forceful, powerful and demanding woman, while also being, serene, calm and kind. It is an intoxicating blend and I always found her company wonderful, though occasionally, as my father once put it, it would be like “standing too close to the sun” (I told her about this and we both found it funny. In fact there was very little I wouldn’t share with her, I am honest to a fault).
There are however some caveats that I must be clear about, or as clear as I can understand them. I had a nagging sense that in order to allow my partners ‘light to shine’ so to speak that I must diminish mine (she never asked this of me or implied I must change). This led to my , normally extroverted , personality to start to fade and be replaced with this sometimes timid, sometimes briefly extroverted behaviour, but always with a concerned mind to how I’m behaving, or how she was behaving. I felt, particularly when she had too much to drink , I was concerned about her behaviour, her slight habit of dominating conversations. , sometimes she would go overboard in the way she spoke to other people and I would feel embarrassed (I started to defend these behaviours rather than confront them - another weakness in me not her).
I was frequently unable to stay out late on nights and out and find myself wondering if my partner is okay if she were at home alone, if I should be with her or if I would disrespect her by speaking to other people. I began to actively ignore platonic conversations with women in order to retain some outsized idea of ‘honour’. I suppose I had started to absorb her slight Co-dependency.
Side bar: My partner had come from a myriad of failed previous relationships that involved infidelity on both sides, sexual violence, addiction in her partners, a cancelled marriage in her twenties and various other things I imagine would destroy a lesser person. She has no real friends in the USA and has no girlfriends preferring, from what I understand, the company of her partners male friends. She likes being ‘one of the lads’ so to speak.
This is not the person I saw, nor did a person’s past concern me. I have loved many people in my life who had made mistakes and I judge people by their treatment of me. I suppose a result of a ‘colourful’ upbringing.
Un…side bar?
My partner is a jealous and possessive person, sometimes in jest and occasionally with an air of seriousness, and I am incredibly relaxed and do not experience real jealousy. I once joked that if I came home to find the plumber shagging her I’d ask if he’d like a cup of tea and when he’d be done with the plumbing.
As my partners star rose in our relationship, as she shedded the skins of her past I think I started to pick them up and wear them. I became a sort of low-rent Jesus. A rubbish bargain-bin Jesus. I started to become quieter and more anxious, I began to smoke weed with more frequency and began bottling my problems and hiding behind video games (my first love). Looking back I think this was the onset of my depression.
As a result of these feelings my sexual problems returned and I looked to testosterone therapy to try and change who I was for her. Once again - she did not ask this of me, but my inclination to please her led me to believe I must. Eventually, after some short term successes, (two months or so of a high sex drive and a feeling of real, raw, masculine power, something I’d never felt before) the medication I was taking pushed my oestrogen so high I began to experience huge bouts of anger and sadness, losing my temper quickly and crying with abundance. My drug induced personality changes reached a point where my hair began to fall out, a combination of stress, increased testosterone/an adverse reaction to the medicine. This combination of symptoms resulted in me immediately, after conversation with my partner, stopping the drug.
Since stopping in March my mood started to become more erratic, my feelings of perpetual happiness disappeared leaving thin wisps of who I was before. I lost my hope, my love of life and my feelings of freedom, in who I was and how I felt. In some ways I felt I had become my partner when I met her. Fractious and broken, despairing and resentful, suspicious of my friends.
There was also the issue of the war in Gaza. I never believed a political/cultural issue could drive a wedge between two people who loved each other, mostly because being English boils down to a few interchangeable stereotypes. I am, however, an outspoken and staunch atheist, a lover of Christopher Hitchens, a pacifist and someone who believes people are inherently good. Despite our shared atheism she did not share my positive outlook on humanity and she had very strong, somewhat ‘fundamentalist’ beliefs about Israel and their enemies (her brother was an ex-IDF sniper who, despite this unusual vocation, I liked and enjoyed the company of, we are all products of our environment after all).
I found myself burying my disgust with the ongoing conflict, stifling my beliefs about the war and adjusting my own opinions. I even allowed her father (who would not speak to me other than a ‘hello’) to hang religious symbols in our home. I did this because I wanted her to reforge the fractious relationship she had with her family. I was however, despite these concessions, never truly welcomed by them, particularly her father (family is incredibly important to me) I would always be an outsider regardless of how much I loved her or how well I treated her. Only being Jewish would be enough. This hurt me but I buried it as deep as I could, believing I needed to earn THEIR respect. This was a mistake.
She would sometimes laugh or rejoice in the pain of Gaza’s civilians, there was a blood thirsty element that I couldn’t comprehend fully. I, from what I now understand of American culture, believe it is born of fear - I must destroy them before they destroy me. And I do not deny that both sides are wrong in their, ironically (and historically) similar beliefs and that given an exchange of opinions power Hamas would do as to Israel as Israel is doing to Hamas. I felt I was baited into debates where no ground could be given, I would find myself screaming and angry, our arguments would reach huge, borderline dangerous (never physical) crescendos. She would recover from these quickly. I would feel like a piece of me had been carved off, chipped away.
I suppose at this point I’ve written enough to explain that these buried feelings, these differences, these arguments, my extinguishing personality and my weakened mental state led to me, in a moment and after a small argument surrounding her feelings of anxiety over our relationship led to me snapping.
I told her I could no longer continue the relationship as the road we were taking would lead to assured mutual destruction. Or at least it would lead to my destruction. Or that’s how i felt (this is what I’m trying to reconcile).
I do not know whether I should have asked for more of her, been strong enough to not change (but then would we still be together?) or communicated more honestly about my feelings. I feel like I did everything I could to help her and hurt myself.
I am left a less sure person, a less confident person who cannot remember how to be who he was before. And now I am without the person I loved, despite all our differences, and I feel I have hurt her beyond measure as an act of self preservation. I feel selfish, wounded and victimised. I feel cold to what I have done, I feel distant from who I am and now for the first time I am seeking validation from the faceless snake of the internet. I am concerned I will be judged, I fear people will see through me and tell me I’m weak and wrong. But I need clarity, I need to understand.
I’m sorry for how confused this story is, i’m sorry the timeline is Nolan-like and my grammar variable and inconsistent. I’m sorry I can’t stop saying sorry.
I still love her but I know I have to let her go.
I hope, like Don Henley crooned, ‘it wasn’t really wasted time’

DAY JUNE 8 2024
6-8-2024

‘WE CANNOT SIMPLY GO, GO, GO.’ WHAT IS ‘GIRL MOSSING,’ THE WELLNESS TREND THAT REJECTS HUSTLE CULTURE?

On TikTok and Instagram, people are “girl mossing”: lying on a forest floor, staring up at a leafy canopy or caressing moss. The United States National Forest Foundation even borrowed the term to kick off its 2024 Instagram account. Girl mossing recognizes a need to step away from the pressures of modern, urban life, promoting spending time in nature as a restorative practice. The fast pace and pressure of neoliberal capitalism take an enormous toll on well-being: not just personal, but social and planetary.
6-8-2024

FIVE WAYS ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CAN IMPROVE YOUR DATING LIFE

Artificial intelligence is going to transform how we date. The question is: will it be for better or worse? It’s already causing some real problems, especially related to “romance scams” and other fraud. But it’s not all doom and gloom. Used in the right way, AI can actually make dating better. It can help write profiles and find matches, provide dating advice and coaching and, if all else fails, become a date companion. I have spent the last few years studying the impact of technology, and especially AI, on our
6-8-2024

STUDY ASSESSES ‘THE DANCER PERSONALITY’

“Tell me if you dance and I will tell you who you are!” A study led by researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Empirical Aesthetics (MPIEA) in Frankfurt am Main, Germany, has shown that both amateur and professional dancers are less neurotic than people who do not dance. They are also more agreeable, more open, and more extraverted.
6-8-2024

ONLINE SHOPPERS BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY AFTER CHATTING WITH STAFF OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER, RESEARCH SHOWS

In a digital world where people are mere pixels on a screen, gender bias can show up in unexpected forms. When people are online, anonymity and physical detachment embolden them to behave in biased ways
6-8-2024

INVESTORS BET BIG ON SUNNY DAYS, STUDY FINDS

It’s often said we can’t control the weather. But what if the weather controls how and when we invest our money? More specifically, what if the skies control how much we’re willing to gamble in the stock market? New research by the University of South Australia has found a connection between pleasant weather conditions and higher investment in lottery-like stocks. Lottery-like stocks are cheap compared to other stocks and, like lottery tickets, they can be seen as an opportunity to make a substantial gain. However, the chance of a higher
6-8-2024

TEENS TREATED UNFAIRLY BY TEACHERS MORE LIKELY TO HAVE POPULIST ATTITUDES

Perceived unjust teacher behavior is strongly and positively associated with populist attitudes among children and adolescents. Populist attitudes consist of ideologies including anti-elitism, people-centrism, and a dualistic perception of good versus evil, and where the foundation of political decision-making should be based on the general will of the people. In contrast to the association with teacher behavior, the correlation between young people’s relationships with peers and the development of populist attitudes is less strong, and the correlation between young people’s relationships
6-8-2024

MICROINCLUSIONS IMPROVE WOMEN’S WORKPLACE BELONGING AND COMMITMENT

New research shows how “microinclusions”—brief instances of positive treatment, especially from members of the dominant group—help women feel valued at work. Imagine your first day at a new job. You probably feel nervous, wondering how you’ll fit in with the team. It’s natural to worry if your co-workers will be supportive, or if they’ll take your contributions seriously. This experience is amplified for women in technology companies, who often face underrepresentation and
6-8-2024

BURNT OUT? HOW YOUR EMPLOYER CAN HELP YOU RETURN TO WORK FOR THE BETTER

The working world can be a pitiless one, as competition in the marketplace can put significant pressures on employees. Relentless deadlines, shrinking resources and shifting priorities all take their toll on employees’ well-being and mental health. In my home country of Belgium, more than two thirds (66.4%) of individuals on disability for psychological reasons had cases related to depression or burn-out. These worrisome statistics reflect broader trends across OECD countries, where nearly half (47.6%) of workers with mental-health problems have been absent from the office in the past year, compared
6-8-2024

FAMILY-FRIENDLY WORKPLACES BENEFIT EMPLOYEES, BUSINESSES

Paid leave and employee well-being are the focus of a three-part policy series on family-friendly business practices put together by the Brown School’s Clark-Fox Policy Institute at Washington University in St. Louis. “Creating a family-friendly workplace benefits both employees and businesses,” said Gary Parker, associate dean for external affairs and director of the institute. “For employees, it enhances work-life balance and job satisfaction,” he said. “For businesses, it leads to higher retention rates, reduced absenteeism and improved productivity. Policies such as paid leave, flexible work arrangements
6-8-2024

HOW TRUMP’S DEFINITION OF A ‘REAL’ AMERICAN HAS GRABBED HIS AUDIENCE—WHAT OUR RESEARCH SHOWS ABOUT WHY

Donald Trump has recently doubled down on his derogatory depictions of undocumented migrants in his bid to win the 2024 presidential election. In an interview with Time magazine, published on April 30 2024, Trump referred to migrants as “criminals,” who “come in and they steal our jobs, and steal our wealth, and they steal our country.” Trump was especially disparaging towards migrants from China, who he said are a “major force that’s forming in our country.” In short, according to Trump, undocumented migration is “an invasion of our country.” Trump’s
6-8-2024

NEW STUDY SHOWS MARKETING A BRAND’S SIMPLICITY CAN BACKFIRE

Irritability is a common side effect of heat. When companies tout the simplicity of their products, they may unknowingly invite customer dissatisfaction, new University of Oregon research finds. For decades, “simpler is better” has been accepted as a universal truth in marketing. Nick Light, assistant professor of marketing at the UO’ Lundquist College of Business, has tested that assumption. He found that most consumers prefer offerings that appear to be easy to use and understand. However, trumpeting simplicity can have a hidden, costly downside. “When marketing convinces consumers that things
6-8-2024

RESEARCHERS CREATE WINNING STRATEGY TO COMBAT VACCINE MISINFORMATION ON X

A new in-depth analysis shows that users who reply to misinformation about the COVID-19 vaccine on X, formerly known as Twitter, with a positive attitude, politeness, and strong evidence are more likely to encourage others to disbelieve the incorrect information. Researchers from three Georgia Tech schools found the most
6-8-2024

STUDY SHOWS DISENGAGED STUDENTS MORE LIKELY TO USE AI TOOLS FOR ASSIGNMENTS

A Swansea University psychology study has found that disengaged students are more likely to use AI tools—particularly ChatGPT—for academic assignments, raising questions about academic integrity and the need for proactive interventions. Launched in November 2022, ChatGPT is an AI program capable of answering questions in detailed, human-like ways. Researchers surveyed 160 undergraduate students, aged between 18 and 24, in March 2023 to assess their attitudes towards and past usage of AI tools such as ChatGPT in academic coursework. The study is published in The Internet and Higher Education journal. Thirty-two
6-8-2024

HUMAN CULTURE IS CHANGING TOO FAST FOR EVOLUTION TO CATCH UP—HERE’S HOW IT MAY AFFECT YOU

Research is showing that many of our contemporary problems, such as the rising prevalence of mental health issues, are emerging from rapid technological advancement and modernisation. A theory that can help explain why we respond poorly to modern conditions, despite the choices, safety and other benefits they bring, is evolutionary mismatch. Mismatch happens when an evolved adaptation, either physical or psychological, becomes misaligned with the environment. Take moths and some species of nocturnal flies, for example. Because they have to navigate in the dark, they evolved to use the moon
6-8-2024

YOUNG PEOPLE IN THE UK SAY THEY ARE LESS LIKELY TO VOTE IF THEIR PARENTS REPORT DEPRESSIVE SYMPTOMS

With a U.K. General Election approaching, new research has found that parental history of depression can predict whether a young person is likely to intend to vote. The research, led by the Department of Politics at the University of Liverpool, found that, at age 26, people were less likely to intend to vote if they had grown up with a parent experiencing high levels of depressive symptoms. Published in the journal Electoral Studies, the research used the British Cohort Study (BCS), which followed more than 16,000 babies born across a
6-8-2024

WHO GETS TO DECIDE WHAT COUNTS AS ‘DISORDER’?

As a scholar of urban governance and data policy, I viewed the responses to protests on U.S. campuses as about more than threats to academic freedom and freedom of speech. They are also threats to the fundamental rights of people in public spaces. The protesters’ tactics, particularly their use of tents in encampments, have brought debates around definitions of public order and disorder to the fore. Over the past couple of months, students in universities across the country, from the University of California, Los Angeles to the Massachusetts Institute of
6-8-2024

STUDYING VIOLENCE TOWARD WOMEN AND ANIMALS CAN HELP US DEVELOP STRATEGIES TO PREVENT BOTH

We live in a world where not everyone feels safe and respected, especially women. Sexual violence and abuse are significant global health issues. Intimate partner violence continues to be a problem in Canada. According to Statistics Canada, of the 117,093 victims of police-reported intimate partner violence in 2022, almost 80% were women and girls. More than half of women in the United States have experienced sexual violence involving physical contact. Given these high rates of sexual abuse, it is imperative that we improve upon what we currently know about violence
6-8-2024

WHY THE FUTURE OF DEMOCRACY COULD DEPEND ON YOUR GROUP CHATS

I became newly worried about the state of democracy when, a few years ago, my mother was elected president of her neighborhood garden club. Her election wasn’t my worry—far from it. At the time, I was trying to resolve a conflict on a large email group I had created. Someone, inevitably, was being a jerk on the internet. I had the power to remove them, but did I have the right? I realized that the garden club had in its bylaws something I had never seen in nearly all the
6-8-2024

NET ZERO IS NOT JUST GOOD SCIENCE—IT’S ALSO A GOOD DEAL FOR ORDINARY PEOPLE

As the UK moves into a general election, a misinformed debate over the country’s climate transition and legally binding net zero targets risks further dividing people. Much of this debate in the UK focuses on the “cost” of net zero. For instance, energy secretary Claire Coutinho recently stated the government did not want a “net zero leviathan” to crush the nation’s “brilliant enterprise economy,” while the Labor Party had to backtrack on its own headline climate investment pledge, citing “affordability” and “fiscal rules.” But the true “cost” is tricky to
6-8-2024

THE FASCINATING PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND ‘DINE AND DASH’ AND WHY IT’S ABOUT SO MUCH MORE THAN A FREE MEAL

Sometimes when I read the newspapers, I think that going to a restaurant and leaving without paying has become something of an epidemic. My research into lying has taught me that the psychology behind acts of deception is often deeply complex. Let me start with a confession. I was guilty of dine and dash a very long time ago before it had a catchy name. I was in a group that hung about a chip shop at the turn-of-the-road in north Belfast, a poor and troubled area. I had a
6-8-2024

YOU CAN NOW BE FROZEN AFTER DEATH IN AUSTRALIA. IF YOU’RE REVIVED IN THE FUTURE, WILL YOU LEGALLY BE THE SAME PERSON?

In recent weeks, Southern Cryonics—the southern hemisphere’s only cryopreservation facility, located in rural New South Wales—announced it had successfully cryopreserved its first patient. There are only a handful of cryopreservation facilities across the globe—two in the United States, and one each in Russia, China, Australia and Switzerland. If the claims made on their websites and in the press are accurate, these facilities likely have no more than 600 patients in cryonic storage in total. Media reports however suggest interest in cryopreservation has risen since the onset of the COVID pandemic,
6-8-2024

ENGINEERS HAVE A DUTY TO PROTECT PUBLIC WELL-BEING, BUT LESS THAN HALF LEARN HOW TO DO SO EFFECTIVELY

Engineers who received public welfare responsibility training in classes are more likely to consider the societal impact of technologies they design and to take action when concerns arise, according to a study by University of Michigan researchers published in The Journal of Engineering Education. While engineers are professionally obligated to protect the safety and well-being of those their technologies impact, the study found that nearly a third of U.S. practicing engineers have never received any training in public welfare
6-8-2024

HIRING PRESSURES TO DIVERSIFY ARE INFLUENCING PATTERNS OF DISCRIMINATION IN UNEXPECTED WAYS

In 2004, a pair of economists published a landmark study to measure discrimination in the labor market. In the study, the researchers applied to real job openings with fictitious applicants but changed the applicant names to reflect a different gender or race. They found clear evidence of discrimination: White men and women received 50% more callbacks than Black men and women. More recently, Berkeley
6-8-2024

STUDY FINDS RACIAL BIAS IN TRAFFIC STOPS BY CHICAGO POLICE

Black drivers in Chicago are significantly more likely than white drivers to be stopped by police regardless of where the drivers live or are going, according to a new study led by a Cornell city planning expert that maps the racial composition of roads by using mobile phone GPS data. The study confirms a racial bias
6-8-2024

DO WE HAVE MORE EMPATHY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SIMILAR TO US? NEW RESEARCH SUGGESTS IT’S NOT THAT SIMPLE

How do people successfully interact with those who are completely different from them? And can these differences create social barriers? Social scientists are struggling with these questions because the mental processes underlying social interactions are not well understood. One recent concept that has become increasingly popular is the “double-empathy problem.” This draws on research looking at people who are known to experience social difficulties,
6-8-2024

HOW CAN WE MAKE GOOD DECISIONS BY OBSERVING OTHERS? A VIDEOGAME AND COMPUTATIONAL MODEL HAVE THE ANSWER

How can disaster response teams benefit from understanding how people most efficiently pick strawberries together, or how they choose the perfect ice cream shop with friends? All these scenarios are based on the very fundamental question of how and when human groups manage to adapt collectively to different circumstances. Two recent studies on collective dynamics by the Cluster of Excellence Science of Intelligence (SCIoI) in Berlin, Germany, lay the groundwork to promote better
6-8-2024

OTHERS’ WORDS, NOT FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE, SHAPE SCIENTIFIC AND RELIGIOUS BELIEF FORMATION, STUDY FINDS

Three proposals explaining the differential confidence. (A) Intuitively, one might assume that confidence in scientific entities (e.g., germs) is higher than confidence in religious entities (e.g., angels) because scientific entities are observable in principle whereas religious entities are not. (B) The Dual- Pathway Model proposes separate information pathways for scientific versus religious beliefs; belief in scientific entities is primarily driven by direct experience of causal outcomes whereas belief in religious entities is primarily driven by testimony. (C) Contrary to these two models, the Unified Model proposes that belief in both
6-8-2024

TRYING TO SAVE MONEY? RESEARCH SUGGESTS PAYING IN CASH—WHILE YOU STILL CAN

Cash is in crisis. In Australia, it’s now only used for 16% of in-person transactions, down from about 70% in 2007. The situation is so dire that on Monday, independent federal MP Andrew Gee introduced a private member’s bill that would force businesses to accept cash or else face big fines. The reality is that over the past decade, technological advancements have utterly transformed the way we pay for goods and services. Phones and smartwatches can now easily be used to pay by card, and buy-now-pay-later
6-8-2024

MESSAGES CAN TRIGGER THE OPPOSITE OF THEIR DESIRED EFFECT—BUT YOU CAN AVOID COMMUNICATION THAT BACKFIRES

The best graduation speeches dispense wisdom you find yourself returning to long after the graduation tassels are turned. Take the feel-good life advice in Baz Luhrmann’s song to a class that graduated 25 years ago. Only on a recent relisten did I realize it also captures one of the research-based strategies I teach for avoiding communication that backfires. The tip is hiding in plain sight in the song’s title, “Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen).” Communication aimed at promoting a certain behavior can have the opposite
6-8-2024

DIFFERENCES IN EDUCATION, VALUES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN CAUSE MISMATCHES WHEN SEEKING A PARTNER, FINDS SPANISH STUDY

The educational expansion of women has led to changes in the differences in educational level of men and women when looking for a partner. Research conducted by the UAB Center for Demographic Studies (CED-CERCA) has examined for the first time the role of discrepancies in gender role values and education among potential spouses. According to the study, about a third of women in favor of gender equality and with a higher education would not be able to find a homogamous male partner. The work is published in the journal Perspectives
6-8-2024

‘FUZZY’ MAPS OFFER INSIGHT INTO LOCAL PERCEPTIONS OF THE VALUE OF VOLUNTEERING

In the global South, volunteer programs are framed by policymakers and scholars as an effective vehicle for empowering women living in poverty. But this narrative often rests on scant knowledge of the perspectives and experiences of a key set of local stakeholders: the volunteers. A new study co-authored by Yale anthropologist Catherine Panter-Brick addresses this knowledge gap by engaging with Syrian refugees and Jordanian women from poor households in Amman, Jordan,
6-8-2024

EXPERTS SAY USE OF POLITICAL MEMES ARE A PREDICTOR OF POLITICAL VIOLENCE

In a study of social media activity prior to Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, researchers at the University of Notre Dame say a sharp increase in politically salient imagery online—visual content designed to influence, dehumanize, manipulate and motivate audiences—was a predictor of the conflict. With collaborators at Colby College and Kennesaw State University, the researchers collected post history from a select group of 989 Russian milbloggers—a term used for “military bloggers”
6-8-2024

PROGRAMS TO PREVENT SEXUAL VIOLENCE SHOW NO EVIDENCE OF CURBING ASSAULTS, ANALYSIS FINDS

Sexual violence prevention programs effectively change ideas and beliefs that underscore assaults, but show no evidence of reducing their actual occurrence, a new comprehensive analysis shows. The findings are published in Psychological Science in the Public Interest. Researchers led by behavioral scientist Roni Porat of Hebrew University challenge the assumption that changing people’s thoughts about sexual violence will change their actual behavior. They call on scientists to study more behavior-centered approaches to reducing sexual
6-8-2024

DIVERSE FRIEND GROUPS PROMOTE BETTER SOCIAL COHESION AND WELL-BEING, STUDY FINDS

New research featuring more than 24,000 people has found that having diverse groups of friends improves well-being and social cohesion, despite people’s tendency to gravitate towards people more similar to them. Led by researchers at the University of Birmingham and published in Psychological Science, the study used data from 24,726 adults from over 10,000 English neighborhoods to examine the composition of people’s social networks according to age, ethnicity, income, and education to understand the implications of homophily (preference for similar people) on social cohesion subjective well-being. Dr. Miguel Ramos, lead
6-8-2024

STUDY SHOWS JUSTICE FACILITY DOGS BENEFIT WELL-BEING FOR CHILDREN FACING COURT

A new Edith Cowan University (ECU) study has revealed that having a four-legged friend at Children’s Court significantly reduces stress and anxiety for young victims, witnesses, and their caregivers. ECU criminology researchers Dr. Suz Rock and Associate Professor Natalie Gately have published the first Australian study to evaluate the impact of introducing a justice facility dog to a Children’s Court. The study “Kids, Courts and Canines: Evaluating the Justice Facility Dog Program through a Therapeutic Lens
6-8-2024

SEXUAL MINORITIES EXPERIENCE MORE EXCLUSION IN EVERYDAY SITUATIONS, FINDS STUDY

Lesbian, gay and bisexual people experience exclusion more frequently than heterosexual people. This is the finding of a recent study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin by researchers from the University of Basel and the RPTU University of Kaiserslautern-Landau. According to the study, people who are perceived as less gender-conforming are more frequently socially excluded. This could also affect heterosexual people if they deviate from traditional
6-8-2024

STILL RIDING LA’S METRO AFTER THE PANDEMIC? YOU PROBABLY THINK IT’S SAFER THAN THOSE WHO DON’T ANYMORE

As Jon Regardie wrote last year in Los Angeles Magazine, “Metro’s raison d’etre is to get hundreds of thousands of people each day across Southern California.” But the COVID-19 pandemic sent the numbers of riders plummeting to a low of 13%, and ridership still hasn’t fully rebounded. The reason may now be clear, thanks to the latest USC Dornsife LABarometer survey, conducted by the Center for Economic and Social Research (CESR) at the USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and Sciences. The survey found that although public transportation ridership in
6-8-2024

CAN VAGUE GO VIRAL FOR GEN Y?

Generation Y, Gen Y, is commonly referred to as the millennial generation. It usually includes individuals born between the early 1980s and the mid-to-late 1990s or early 2000s. This generation follows Generation X and precedes Generation Z. The millennials, it is said, grew up during the transition to digital technology and the rise of the internet, and this has shaped their perspectives, behavior, and the way they use technology and media. They are often characterized as tech-savvy, adaptable, and socially conscious, with a strong affinity for social media and digital
6-8-2024

ITALIAN MOMS WITH 3+ KIDS WORK FAR FEWER YEARS THAN DADS, WHILE FINLAND SHOWS EQUALITY

Over the past century, the number of working women in Western countries has steadily increased. However, numerous studies show that it is still primarily women who have to manage the balancing act between parenthood and working life. Compared to fathers and childless women, mothers often have a less straightforward career path and face greater hurdles to career advancement. Little research has been done on what happens to women’s employment trajectories from midlife when childrearing efforts are
6-8-2024

TOP IT INDUSTRY MANAGERS ARE DIVIDED ON THE NEED FOR FACE-TO-FACE COMMUNICATION IN THE WORKPLACE

Many managers are currently seeking a balance between digital and face-to-face communication. A recent study from the University of Eastern Finland published in Information Technology & People shows that top IT industry managers have different views on when and for what purposes face-to-face communication in the workplace is needed. “Some top managers felt that all work tasks can be performed remotely with the help of digital communication. According to them, face-to-face communication is only necessary for maintaining interpersonal relationships and a sense of community,” says Doctoral Researcher Lotta Salin of
6-8-2024

STUDY FINDS SIMPLE HEADLINES ATTRACT MORE ONLINE NEWS READERS

The competition for online attention in today’s news environment is fierce. High-quality news from credible sources must compete for attention with misinformation and a rapidly increasing amount of partisan content. How can a news organization stand out as a reputable and trustworthy outlet while driving readers to its site? The answer is simple: literally. According to research from Michigan State University, news readers engage more with simple writing, suggesting journalists should write simply—clearly and without ambiguity—to attract attention online. The study was published in the journal Science Advances. “Newsrooms want
6-8-2024

STUDY SHOWS BANNING FALSE INFORMATION TRAFFICKERS ONLINE CAN IMPROVE PUBLIC DISCOURSE

When Twitter banned more than 70,000 traffickers of false information from its platform in the wake of the violence at the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, the impact went beyond the silencing of those users. A study co-authored by UC Riverside public policy and political science scholars published in the journal Nature on June 5, found that the crackdown by Twitter (now called X after it was acquired by billionaire Elon Musk in late 2022) also significantly reduced the number of misinformation posts by users who stayed on the
6-8-2024

YOUNG ADULTS SAY STEADY SUPPORT FROM CARING ADULTS MADE DIFFERENCE IN TRANSITIONING FROM CHILD WELFARE SYSTEM

Young people who have exited foster care generally fare better—in work, school and relationships—if they get consistent support from adults who care about them during their teen years. My research team reached these findings by interviewing 21 people, now in their late 20s, who had aged out of foster care when they turned 18, had spent time in foster care as children or grew up in families that had active child welfare cases. These young adults relayed the degree to which they received support from
6-8-2024

HOW THE 1901 DISCOVERY EXPEDITION’S POLAR EXPLORERS STAYED HEALTHY DURING THEIR ANTARCTIC JOURNEY

Antarctica is the most inhospitable continent on earth. It’s dry, cold, and completely dark for months of the year. Edwardian explorers were some of the first to brave the Antarctic winter, developing new knowledge still drawn upon by scientists today. The Discovery expedition (1901–4) played a key role in the history of polar exploration. It was led by the Royal Navy commander Robert Falcon Scott, a pioneering polar explorer who died in 1912 after attempting to reach the south pole. The expedition’s third lieutenant was Ernest Shackleton, who led three
6-8-2024

SUSTAINABLE BUSINESS MODELS INFUSED WITH AGRI-INNOVATION SYSTEMS CAN REDUCE POST-HARVEST FOOD LOSS AND WASTE

developing sustainable business models that are multi-actor networked for integrating them with agricultural innovation systems initiatives can enable a systemic approach for reducing food loss and value loss at the post-harvest
6-8-2024

WILL THE 2024 OLYMPIC GAMES BECOME THE PLAYING FIELD FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE PROTESTS?

Yannick Kluch, a professor of recreation, sport and tourism at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, studies sport as a platform for promoting social justice. Kluch has worked with the U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Committee, U.S. Diving and the National Collegiate Athletic Association. He spoke with research editor Sharita Forrest about the history of Olympic athletes’ social justice protests and governing organizations’ efforts to avert them with Rule 50 of the Olympic Charter.
6-8-2024

STUDY FINDS WE SPEND MORE WITH CASHLESS PAYMENTS

A study found support for the existence of a positive “cashless effect,” which is when consumers spend more when using cashless payment methods in comparison to cash. The study suggests the cashless effect leads people to spend more when purchasing products that are typically used to signal status, such as jewelry. However, the
6-8-2024

LAWS MEANT TO KEEP DIFFERENT RACES APART STILL INFLUENCE DATING PATTERNS, DECADES AFTER BEING INVALIDATED

If you are single and looking for a romantic partner, chances are that you have used a dating app. But the likelihood that others will like, or even see, your profile may depend on your race. Studies have found that all people on dating apps, regardless of their own race, are more likely to contact white people using the app. And all people using dating apps are least likely to contact African American women and Asian American men. Until recently, some popular apps, including OkCupid, Match, Hinge and Grindr, provided
6-8-2024

VIRTUAL LABS IN PSYCHOLOGY RESEARCH BOOST DIVERSITY

University of Oregon psychologists are breaking down barriers to include underrepresented populations in research by bringing laboratories online. The researchers are trying to address a longstanding issue in psychology studies, which often rely on undergraduate students to volunteer as research subjects.
6-8-2024

ATTENDING LOCAL EVENTS STRENGTHENS NEIGHBORHOOD BONDS, SURVEY REVEALS

how often people visit and actively participate in local events and how this affects their sense of place or their connection to their community. A survey of almost 400 households in the state’s coastal council area of the City of Holdfast Bay found that people who frequently attend local events or participate as volunteers, organizers or exhibitors, have a stronger
6-8-2024

STUDY SHOWS ONLINE PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION WORKS FOR COMPLEX TOPICS

“COVID-19 forced educators to adjust their educational best practices to an unfamiliar virtual classroom, and professional development was no different,” said Karen Jo Matsler, assistant professor in practice for UTeach at UTA
6-8-2024

EYE-TRACKING STUDY REVEALS THAT SIMPLY LOOKING AT THE NATURAL WORLD IN URBAN AREAS CAN REAP WELL-BEING BENEFITS

Integrating more natural features into city landscapes can play a crucial role in enhancing the mental well-being of residents. A study by Bangor University and Technion- Israel Institute of Technology, published in the scientific journal People and Nature, involved city dwellers and showed how paying visual attention to greenery, rather than human-made structures, can alleviate anxiety and enhance restorative feelings. The 117 urban residents who took part in the study, were guided on a
6-8-2024

ADVERTISERS MAY BE INADVERTENTLY FUNDING MISINFORMATION

Companies in industries such as health care, technology and insurance have been found to advertise on misinformation websites, according to an analysis published in Nature. In a related experiment, consumers who were made aware that a company advertised on a misinformation website were likely to reject an offer of a gift voucher to spend with that company. The majority of digital advertisement placement on the internet is done via an algorithm-based distribution
6-8-2024

STUDY SUGGESTS EVOLUTIONARY BASIS FOR MALE RISK-TAKING BEHAVIORS

why we associate risk-taking with males rather than females, from an evolutionary standpoint. Study author Hannah Goodman, from UWA’s School of Human Sciences, said researchers found men engaged in riskier behaviors when crossing a busy traffic intersection, supporting growing evidence that risk-taking is predominantly an androcentric behavior. “Males

I don't see people often talking about this aspect or role of her character other than the fact that she is "hypocritical entitled nosy annoying irrational self centered, only has harmful intentions" Which sure she is at times but so is every character in this show and with this being a very widespread surface level criticism of her, alot of other aspects or complex critiques or flaws (which are so much more deeper and complicated than the same old "hypocritical" "Entitled" "Annoying" "Holds herself and everyone else to her own high standards" Or atleast try to understand where these negative qualities of her stem from or how they might have been formed in relation to her upbringing) beyond the same old generic bs or even positive qualities of her as a character get swept under the rug or painted as something "malcious" Or "maniuplative" Or "harmful intention" Or "self serving" yada yada yada cause people have the same old thing to say over and over for the thousandth time that people already know and have heard so it gets really annoying. I have seen people do this for bojack and few other characters so why not nyguen too
Anyways, I will start first and list the ones I remember at the top of my sleep deprived head: Her helping and encouraging bojack to go to rehab
Her actively seeking out bojack to ask for his approval abt her leaving LA and if he will be okay if she goes and to let him know that she cares about him cause she was worried for his wellbeing if she left....so much so that she went to her ex husband's house party and did all the hiding shenanigans too
Helping Todd with the chickens
Helping out bojack the best she can (not always good sound advice but it's well intentioned) with advice and help, finding time for him even while she was literally getting the best massage of her life
Comforting pickles during Halloween
Owning upto to her actions by trying to rekindle the bond between pickles and Mr. Pb in her robotic voice
Being understanding towards Todd....as much as I can remember she was never mean to him and encouraged bojack to be nicer and sweeter towards him and try to build a genuine friendship with him
At the end of brrap brrap pew pew comingaround by realizing her lapse in judgement and getting a new perspective after hearing the teenage girl talk and then later having ice cream on the couch with PC after her own abortion (which imo kinda speaks alot considering how sensitive/emotional and kind of hard it was for her) watching the fake abortion and admitting that it was informative and tastefula which resulted in pc and diane sharing a heartwarming and sweet moment then by the end willingly participating in helping pc when sextina actually turns out to be pregnant and thus learning and actually doing something after realizing her own shortcomings...
Trying to actually build a bond with Tony and ending up being more empathetic towards him
Funnily enough at the end she is one of the characters who doesn't have any bitter sour ends with anyone and is in good termswithp everyone despiy all the "unseemingly off putting" traits she had
And last but not the least, The last talk she had with bojack...the last few sentences she said to him despite all the shit that had happened between them but knowing it being the last talk was the right and necessary thing to do for both of them as the most heartwrenching and sweetest thing she ever did and proved that past all the bullshit she really did love and care for bojack (platonically obviously, you would have to be blind to not see that those two do care and have love for each other) Mr blue sums it up pretty neatly and the song also speaks to her character alot not just to the dynamic and feelings of bj and diane at the end of the show
Honrary mention: ik this isn't a nice or sweet thing she did to someone else but her taking anti depressants and growing and evolving as a person by the end was so cathartic and bittersweet to watch and experience....I was so happy for her.....as many have said (sorry for being generic here lol) her depression arc and the way weight gain was treated was genuinely so beautiful AND AHEHRJRHRHRHRHR
So, that's all I can remember feel free to add your own inputs and things that I have missed and you're wholeheartedly welcome to also add a deeper dissection or deconstruction of her as a character or critiques related to her (not JUST in relation to others but her as an individual also) that go above and beyond the surface and isn't the same repeated generic bs for the millionth time cause I am bored and want to hear new and fresher povs and takes about her as a character and a person and I'm sure many others do asw....

My girlfriend and I are high school sweethearts. When we met, I was average sized and she was slightly overweight. My late teens early 20s were extremely tough, I had what I say is my mid-life crisis at 19 years old. I turned to food for comfort and ballooned out. During this time period she also put on a fair bit of weight.
Fast forward to today, I have lost all that excess weight, I am a competitive powerlifter with a decent physique - built that you can clearly tell I work out but not lean. A 'dad-bod+' you may say.
My girlfriend on the other hand has continued to put on weight over the years and doesnt have the same motivation and aptitude as I do to health & fitness, let alone a will to improve her quality of life by dropping a few pounds.
I have been trying to be a pillar of motivation and guidance in this space. My girlfriend is now actively going to the gym multiple times a week and our weekly shopping is now clean. I have told her I will eat clean with her to support her through this.
But this is where the problem lies. I am a person who is all about living modestly now so that we can live a life in the future where we can reap the rewards from our efforts. I am not a tight ar*e but prefer to always cook at home as 1) the food is better for you and 2) is more economical.
It has now come to my attention that my girlfriend has been hiding the fact that she has been spending $100s of dollars on Ubereats whenever I am not home, whether she is home before I am due to differing work schedules, or when I am at the gym when she isnt. This upsets me deeply because not only she is undermining my efforts to create a future for us financially, she is continuing her cycle of binge eating and is straight up lying to me. Heck if it was simply just the eating bit I would be less upset but it is also because she knows my stance on food delivery services - they are expensive and overpriced, so this feels like a double whammy.
I have changed over the years and it is important to me that my partner shares my interest in living a healthy lifestyle which doesnt contain multiple orders of burgers and donuts a month behind my back. She is overweight already and I am trying my best to help support her but doing this behind my back even though I have confronted her that the foods she is eating at home compared to the physical outcomes (or lack thereof) are not adding up.
How do I go about this?
TLDR - long term girlfriend lying about her attempts to lose weight. Ordering $100s of uber eats a month and lying about her eating and spending habits although I am trying to live below my means and support her in her journey.

Sorry for the wait again, lets not waste any time and jump right into the chapter! A lot of interesting character work going on in this one so it'll be a treat to analyze.
https://preview.redd.it/ngzujp752g5d1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=3074b3602f5b1b04b36aa43251fbd7b56a98d5e8
We open on the cliffhanger from the previous chapter, where we learned Pick-Up Senpai is back from the dead.
And like his previous appearances, I really like how Haruya is written in this chapter. He's still kind of a condescending jerk, but never to the point of being flat out antagonistic. He's a nuanced character and I appreciate that this chapter keeps that tone with him, even as Kyou fears him like a maniacal villain.
Teleporting Kyou
We get some funny interactions with Haruya, with Kyou initially being annoyed that he's hanging around Anna so casually despite being rejected by her, only to realize that's exactly what it seems like he's doing since the fake rejection.
Also Anna's gag with constantly reserving spots to spontaneously show up with more food is extremely funny and on brand
Like I said, Haruya is a really well written character because he brings out a lot of interesting emotions from Kyou and is just an interesting force for him to play off of. He presents himself in a nice way and even says he's happy to see how much Kyou has opened up as a person, but does so with just enough condescension to drive Kyou up the wall.
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It's at this point Haruya learns that Kyou was "rejected" by Anna, the lie being spread to him by Kanoe.
And while Haruya doesn't immediately respond, this information clearly shocks him. Remember, he's aware that Anna loves Kyou and that her affection for him is part of the reason she turned him down back during the graduation. So the idea that Anna would reject Kyou is obviously confusing.
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And him learning this fact worries Kyou a lot, because the last thing he needs right now is Haruya thinking him and Anna aren't actually a couple which would give him the green-light to try asking her out again. Not that I think Haruya would actually do that at this point, but it makes sense for Kyou to believe he would.
After a stint of awkward tension, Haruya suggests the group split up into pairs to explore the festival, and they decide that the girls will choose who they go with. Kyou obviously can't just go with Anna given the situation, so the person who pairs with him is...Kanoe!
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These pairings overall are very funny in how they're made, too.
Kanoe actually has her own reasons for picking Kyou, but when Hanzawa's picking, the other boys try to look cool so she'll pick them, something they didn't do with Kanoe. It's also a pretty interesting realization that Kanoe might be more unpopular than she lets on.
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Hanzawa ends up picking none of the boys however, choosing to go with Anna instead (who was busy getting yet more food), which makes a lot of sense given she's the one remaining person here Hanzawa's close friends with.
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The last pairing here that's important is Haruya being paired with...Kobayashi.
This leads to a very interesting conversation set up that I'll get to towards the end of the chapter. But needless to say its quite an amusing prospect for these two characters who would usually be super opposed to each other being forced to stick together, especially when we rarely see either of them when not interacting with one of our main duo.
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Haruya's reaction to being picked last (not even "picked" really, Kobayashi had no other choice) is priceless. And so is Anna's reaction to Kyou and Kanoe being paired up.
I actually really really like the way she texts Kyou with a bunch of ominous eye emojis, basically emulating her death glare she usually gives whenever Kyou is with another girl. And Kyou's snappy response is just as good, it's a really nice showcase of how they've gotten comfortable with each other.
This all leads to Kanoe and Kyou walking together alone, and Kanoe...
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...apologizes to him!
This is a pretty big moment to showcase Kanoe's nuance as a character. She's not the shallow party girl who's just an obstacle to Kyou and Anna's relationship, especially now that she's already done the deed of making said relationship a lot more difficult to maintain.
She genuinely wanted Kyou and Anna to get together, likely drawn from that one off exchange last chapter implying that she obsesses over the love lives of other people because she has trouble finding those feelings herself.
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This also obviously means she's not very good at picking up on those emotions, which is why she ends up causing so much trouble for those very couples.
It's a really nice way to make her abrasive actions and behavior feel much more nuanced. She's not malicious, these are just results of her very genuine and realistic character flaws. I know a lot of people don't like Kanoe, but this chapter especially made me really like her.
Her and Kyou have a nice conversation where Kyou slowly tries to explain to her that, just because two people seem close, doesn't mean that you should immediately assume they should get together, much less force them into a situation where they feel pressured to do so.
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And this is a very good lesson for Kanoe to learn, again because she's not actively trying to ruin people's relationships, she's just a teenager who doesn't understand these things yet.
Excellent character writing all around.
This conversation eventually leads to Kyou almost revealing the truth about him and Anna, which thankfully gets cut off by none other than the lady herself...as she's planning murder-
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So yeah, this was definitely a scene we needed for Kanoe, because it makes her a multi-layered character and a much nicer addition to the cast. It'll be interesting to see where she goes from here, whether she'll continue on her shipping quests or if this will end up being the catalyst for her moving past that.
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Finally, we come to the end of the chapter with perhaps its biggest revelation.
As Haruya and Kobayashi hang out, she quickly brings up Kyou and Anna.
And to the surprise of everyone (including the editor's note-)...Kobayashi has picked up on the lie!
https://preview.redd.it/3ncwl2hdhg5d1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=fd4c65d442b920803ae2fb962642e10e329ede67
This introduces a LOT of potentially interesting developments.
Ever since Kyou and Anna got together, Chi has been presented as completely oblivious to their relationship to the point of comedy. Not picking up on any of their couple-vibes even when it got painfully obvious.
But this line implies that, not only has Chi likely picked up on them being a couple, she's had this assumption since before Anna had her whole fake-rejection...which further implies that Chi's been hiding the fact that she's known for some time.
This puts a WHOLE new perspective on her reactions to this whole affair. Why did Chi not bring this up to anyone? Why has she seemingly pretended to not know about their relationship? Why is she only now telling this to Haruya of all people?
For that last one, I do actually think I have an answer.
Chi is likely assuming the same thing Kyou is, that if Haruya thinks Anna rejected Kyou for real, he might try and make another advance on her, something Chi definitely doesn't want. So this would be her making sure he doesn't have the wrong impression.
Course, with that in mind, it could also be the case that Chi still DOESN'T think they're together and is ONLY saying this to Haruya to protect Anna.
Frankly its impossible to say here or there about this until we get the next chapter, but its a very compelling note to leave off on for this character.
So yeah, another stellar chapter as far as I'm concerned!
A lot of very excellent character writing for the supporting cast, what with Haruya entering the picture again, Kanoe getting a lot of development, and a big potential twist regarding Chi. All wrapped up in the super fun and funny vibes of the festival.
Honestly this is a pretty top-tier Bokuyaba chapter in my opinion. The character writing is stellar and the humor is absolutely on point. There's not a dull moment to be found.
Here's to the next one!

In this social media age, it's all about your online image. There are people out there who know how to take a flattering shot, who know their angles almost too well. So well they look nothing like their true selves, in fact.
This isn't an article on how to catfish, or how to basically fool the world into thinking you're Jessica Biel or Jake Gyllenhaal.
These are our tips on how to pick out the best photos for your Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, or any dating app profile. Photos that portray the best version of (the real) you, for instance, confident, well-rounded and interesting sides of your personality!
You've probably seen plenty of articles on how to write the perfect Tinder bio. The everlasting debate around stating your height might come to mind. Should you divulge too much information? Should you go for a witty one-liner? Well here at the Match Artist, we value photography. We think that the secret to a killer Tinder profile is in its photos, and some people could do with a helping hand.
Stuck with your Tinder photos? Hire a professional to help you get some amazing snaps.
There's a knack to it, surprisingly enough. The images we choose to represent ourselves on social media and online say a lot about who we are. For instance if you've chosen six different versions of similar selfies for your Tinder profile, you probably aren't going to come off as particularly interesting. If all six of your photos feature you with your ex, you're probably going to come off a bit obsessed.
Here are our tips on how to portray the best version of yourself in your Tinder photos:

1. Don't just pick selfies!

Sure, we understand. Nobody can take a better photo of you than, well, you. However, no matter how tempting it may be, don't just pick selfies for your Tinder photos! It makes you look super boring and shallow. Tinder gives you a small window to be as interesting as possible. You need to utilise your opportunity, that means making the best use of each photo. One selfie is OK, but make sure you include a nice variety of shots in your Tinder photos.

1. Find the perfect balance for body shots

It's daunting, but the straight truth is that people on Tinder are judging your looks. That means not only your face, but your body too. There's a fine balance with choosing a body pic. If you hide your body completely, you don't look self-confident. If you show off your rippling abs in every photo, you can look self-obsessed. The trick here is to choose just one picture that includes your body. If that means a top-off beach pic, then do it. If that means a full-body photo where you're glammed up for a night out, fantastic. If that means a candid shot where your torso is visible, that works too. If you're not massively confident in your body, just try not to make it totally obvious!

1. Show off a hobby

Again, Tinder is about making use of a small opportunity to sell yourself. You need to cram in as much information about yourself as possible, so using your Tinder photos to tell your story is perfect. Whatever your hobby might be, rock it in one of your photos. You might be an athlete (sport photos are always great), you may be a chess champion, amazing at crochet, or completely obsessed with dogs (dogs count as hobbies too, right?) Whatever it might be, having an interest or hobby is attractive. People might share your interest and take more of a liking to you for it, or they might picture themselves sharing the activity with you.

1. Work your angles

Whatever photos you choose, know which ones you look good in. You may have a great profile view, or a jawline to show off. Tip number 4 is simple; know what angles and looks work for you, and try to choose your most flattering pictures. (Rocket science, we know!)

1. Include friends, but not too many

We've all been there, swiping through Tinder when you come across a group photo of twelve guys. Which one is he?! Don't be that person. It's great to include a group photo or pictures with friends; it shows you're a sociable and friendly person. However, you do not want to make a prospective date have to work hard to figure out which person you are.
If you do include a group photo, make sure it includes no more than four or five people. Nobody wants to be scanning fifteen tiny faces to figure out who's who. Do not, I repeat, do not include more than one group photo. It's too confusing. Next.

1. Smile

You're not Edward Cullen. You're going to need to flash those teeth to show you're open and charming. Photos of you smiling and baring your teeth are going to show
Nobody wants to go on a date, or potentially be in a relationship with someone who can't (or won't) smile! Get those gnashers out!

1. Don't flex with a 'hot girl/guy'

A weird one, but people do it. Including a photo with your hottest guy-or-girl-friend does not make people fancy you more! It's a strange kind of mind game that just ends up being a huge no-no for many people. If you were considering a gal on Tinder who's first picture was her with a male supermodel, wouldn't you (on some level) feel like she was saying 'this is my expectation, don't swipe right unless you're this beautiful'. This point also includes exes. People don't like to see pictures of potential dates with a member of the opposite sex. Don't ask us why. They just don't.

1. Get fancy

Everyone likes to get dressed up for a night out or a big event. Likewise, everyone likes a girl in a beautiful dress or a guy in a well-fitting tux. You should try to include a photo of yourself dressed up to the nines to show Tinder-ers your potential and how you might, one day, look on their arm at an event (or even wedding).

1. Go outside

This one sounds stupid, but subliminally, including one picture of yourself outside makes you look a little bit more adventurous and interesting. Pictures of you only indoors will on a very deep level tell people that you don't go out much. Think about it, your Tinder photos are telling a story. Make a little bit of that story out-of-doors!

1. Leave out the filters

Nobody is looking to go out with a guy or girl with dog or panda ears! Snapchat filters are a no-go for dating profiles. Sorry folks.

1. Try out professional photography

If you've read this article and been thinking 'I don't have any photos of myself like that', you can try getting a professional to snap you looking your very best. You can now hire a professional portrait photographer from just £99 for an hour session.
You can be sure that a portrait photographer will capture your best angles, smiles and even your friends. Portrait photographers have the best lenses and kit that will flatter your mug far more than the tiny fish-eye iPhone lens.
It's not unheard of, either! Plenty of people nowadays opt for a pro photographer to help them look sharp in their headshots, dating profiles, and even their passport photos. It's reasonably priced enough, the same as a nice dinner in a restaurant, but with longer lasting results!
There's a few simple things to bear in mind when selecting photos for your dating profile: not too many selfies, not too many group shots, work your best features, show your bod (a bit), make sure to smile, go outdoors, get dressed up, and leave out the silly filters. You can also try getting a professional photographer to take some snaps.
Now get out there and start swiping! The most important thing is to be confident in yourself and your choices, but if you follow these tips you should be an absolute love magnet within hours.
Are you thinking about booking a portrait shoot with the Match Artist? Great idea!
If you're going to have an enviable Instagram feed or Tinder photos, you can't rely on your best friend to capture your best angles at the drop of a hat. Sometimes life calls for a professional photographer to get you some selfies that will drop jaws. Luckily, the Match Artist can find you such a pro at short notice and for a great price.
We guarantee quick and simple booking, an amazing professional photographer who will travel to you, and 48 hour photo delivery every time.
We do all this so you can have great shots of you looking your best.
Don't have any shots worthy of your Tinder profile? Try out a Match Artist photographer today! We'll help you get those matches.

16th December 1969;

Port Arthur, SCS;

One match was lit. That was all. One match was lit.
It was the standard Tuesday of dull affairs. Within one of the second-floor offices, a meeting was taking place, between a few dignitaries with such a variety of surnames as Smith, White, and MacDonald. All spoke with typical local accents. Their topic of discussion was about the threat that disorder placed upon the organisation, as it would attract media attention towards their doings, and their doings would naturally include the things they would usually hide. After the Battle of Labour Day, the building itself had to be hidden away, with relocation taking place quickly enough that operations were unaffected. Even still, many preferred the older building in North PA, one that had been built in a former law office, then combined with the houses either side.
Indeed, the new office was marvellous. It was constructed of red brick with concrete mixed in, and nominally held the offices for Consett Consultancy and Design Ltd., a lovely shell company that legally held the licences needed for operation of the more… active sides of the business. Such was the activity of the operation that it had been visited by police four times already, with the police knowing the four floors inside-out, with all of the alcoves and holes exposed within the fire-safety maps, as required by law. They covered their tracks by relocating documents - visits never came during the busy periods, with January the police’s favourite month. Buses stopped nearby, the exterior design was applauded for its modern design and tasteful application of new materials, and the head of operations inside the building, Arnaud Victoire, kept to himself.
There was always more to be done, and the room, Suite 304, was too lavish for myself to talk about. You can just imagine it instead, because it will fit every expectation of lavish that one may hold.
You can also just imagine it because I was not allowed inside, such was the secrecy.
Back to the other parts of the building, and the lobby on the ground floor - Suite 0 to be pedantic - was that waiting room for the many guests that visited, agents usually that were here to talk of the everyday they had experienced in their covering jobs. There was an air force captain, who knew many among the rank-and-file so kept them close by, talking of new military techniques; there was a former radio host, who had delved into newspapers, so had more of an idea about how stories were created; there were multiple civil servants, all in high places, and within the right areas to monitor the government’s activities, such as the recent benefits increase; and, there was one certain man within the Superior Transport Board, Donald Aumann, whose match that was.
With his pipe, Donald took to tobacco as any would. He dabbed a bit, then a bit more, into a teak pipe’s large aperture, before deciding that enough was enough. A small shake to level out the shavings inside the pipe, and the singular visitor inside of the lobby looked faintly upon him, slightly disapprovingly. For goodness sake, it was 1969, and this rich man still took to pipes? It was old hat from one in an old hat, symbolic of the old money that this SCS lacked, and Aumann preferred to exude the image. When called through by the receptionist, he was already holding that match. It struck the first time, the pipe was alight, before he took the chance to make his way through. That match was blown out, before being placed in a bin to dispose of the burnt remains, remains which remained glowing.
I do not see any harm in Aumann doing such a thing - by the time that the bin inside of the hallways caught fire, not a soul was around, because not many souls were at this time of year, with only 9 days until Christmas with all it entailed. That receptionist was ready to finish her day, as the night descended through Suite 0, so left as soon as he could. Besides, I was only there to greet a visitor as he finished for the day, and had told her as such. CCD Ltd was not too formal just yet, so when I peered inside of the hallway and saw quite an inferno, it was already too late. Ringing the fire bells and calling the engines round were all that I could do, and as the three-bakers-dozen inside of the building found themselves lucky to escape unto the roof, the glorious building found itself a burnt shell.
Once the police were called around, I had to give my statement, that Donald was probably not some agents, that he had probably not intentionally caused a fire. It was careless from him, and yet, I called for his innocence even still. There was no malice, no reason except stupidity, so why go too far? I knew many in the Monde Suffit who called him a spy for the Maple Leaf Society, and that German surname coupled with the unfortunate officials of ‘DA’ or ‘Double Agent’ as many called him, provoked quite a stand of fury inside of the Monde Suffit.
When I visited the remaining shell six days later, it was derelict, and the bulldozers were piling in. What used to be glorious red-brick was now charred, the concrete marked so heavily, the interior gutted. It was not safe, or so said those higher-ups, that the shell had protected those inside so well, and that a few… design flaws, related to the interior kitchenette, would have likely led to the entire structure going up more destructively by even that cold Monday morning.
In fact, I saw a gas explosion take place from about one-hundred feet back, bursting through the upstairs windows, taking even myself by surprise. What was left - those remaining cabinets, papers, ideas, and objects, left to ruin and left to waste, were all exposed to the elements, and all that remained was reduced by the new inferno to a new and charred business.
To say it clearly, I don’t think anything was lost.
Even still, it marked a turn, and even I, a worker upon the docks, can tell that something will ignite very soon.
It shall ignite, even if I witnessed the burning of the ashes.
{ DP to Air Training / Public Welfare / Industrial }