I'm seventeen turning eighteen this year , I was always with hope that things turn out good , because i thought so , but lately nothing is going correct , it seems like everything wants to hurt me , things that never happened to me starts happening , things that never affects me starts affecting . No matter how much i study i end up failing , but sometimes when i end up not studying i get good grades , but it only works like rarely, I work like a dog day and night on any test and i try my best right ? Atleast i should pass right , no instead i end up failing and my teachers who have no idea goes oh do u just sleep at home ? . My parents forget about my hard work tbh they have a lot going on you know ? its not like its thier fault they have thier own battles and they decided to do the best option that was put me in hostel , But boy did they fumble so bad , I had eating disorder prior to me joining our hostel is like very strict no phone nothin no tab and thier teaching sucks and they expect us to score marks , so i started stress eating and i gained like 30 kgs in a year and a half do you hear me ? 30 kgs like who could have predicted my downfall none could have .
but yeah long story cut short i failed all of them i failed me and everyone around me and you know i put my faith on god and i decided to be like a good girl , i used to be like a rebel but now i started having like faith , going to temples but still i got very low marks i let everyone down and btw i listened to subliminials too
nothing works out idk what i shall do
how can i seek god idk tbh

Whats up guys,
My name's Ryan. I've been an athlete my whole life and hardly ever have even gotten a cold or the flu. I eat super clean, hydrate adequately, sleep 7-8 hours a night, dont smoke or drink, etc.
I'm by no means a conspiracy theorist or an anti-vaxxer. I just want to share my experience with getting the vaccine and then being subsequently infected with the covid virus and the life altering impacts of it. Take what you want from it.
It was right after my second dose of the Pfizer vaccine that my whole life flipped upside down. The symptoms were almost sudden, I was weak, tired, my feet turned hot and red, my head was pounding 24/7, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest and it was like I suddenly contracted social anxiety. Noises all seemed amplified 10x and I just wasn't feeling normal anymore. I ended up having to quit my job because I couldn't be on my feet for long periods of time anymore.
For context, I have always been a social butterfly. I get energy from organizing community and making new friends. I'm the first person to welcome a new person into a group or walk into a crowded room and befriend everyone. I was in college in south florida at the time and it was like my whole life flatlined and there were no resources to support me understand what was happening to my body. I ended up quitting my job, I dropped out of school and all the stress made my girlfriend and I break up.
I didn't know what to do anymore and was just ready to do anything to feel better again. I thought that perhaps getting out in nature for a while and into a cooler climate could help my symptoms. So I took a random job out west as an adventure coordinator but first I stopped in Breckenridge CO where I helped my buddy work on his new boutique hotel in exchange for a place to stay.
It was amazing how being in the high elevation and the cold weather alleviated my symptoms. I was finally able to work again. After being there for two months, I transitioned to a new job in SF where I was hoping to raise some money to purchase the company that way I could hire a manager to do a lot of the work and I could focus on organizing.
A month into working there after leading programs back to back, I noticed my symptoms came back with a vengance. Anytime I pushed my body and mind hard, these symptoms pushed back harder. I was also getting back in shape at the time because I was feeling good again and like i said guys, Ive always been an athlete, so when I get in the gym, I put in the work. Its so damn frustrating to not be able to move the way I know I can without the most insane post exertional fatigue.
The SF business deal fell through for various reasons and I was starting to struggle again with these unexplainable symptoms. I planned on returning to the east coast to regroup but was invited to LA to attend an Oscars party for Angel Bassett. I get there, have the time of my life and I catch Covid for the first time (that im aware of) and it just crushes me.
The acute illness was rough but it was the immediate after effects that were just baffling. My vision was becoming quite blurry and I couldnt stand up for longer than a minute without getting an insane head rush and my heart beating out my chest. I thought that maybe I was developing POTs. Shortly after I tested negative for Covid I was at a cafe working and I suddenly almost past out. I went to an urgent care and they put me on a steroid and gave me beta blockers (I didnt take them).
A few days into the steroid course and I felt like myself again but right as soon as I got off of them, I tanked. I could hardly walk anymore without feeling like I was going to lose consciousness. I had to catch a flight directly to Atlanta to be taken care of by my aunt whose a nurse.
One year later and here I am sitting in a cafe still struggling to get my life back. I writing to you all because I am tired of feeling like I'm screaming underwater. I'm 29, highly intelligent, highly skilled, have an amazing network, I love working, I love life and at this point I'm just feeling like a failure to launch. I was independent since 16 and have shamefully become financially dependent on my family again. I work for my money but I'm constantly reminded of how I am not living up to my full potential. The cognitive disonance is just destroying my mental health. I am dreaming of ripping up my birth certificate, my social security card and going to die alone in the remote wilderness and leave the world with a philosophical dissertation on how the modern world is failing its young people.
I desperately want to be reliably high functioning again and what I've always done to improve that is exercise but now that feels like a double edged sword these days. I have periods of amazing productivity followed by sudden crashes and the most insane symptoms which just make no sense to me. I need coffee just to get going but at the same time, I feel like it's overstimulating my nervous system.
I'm getting ready to do a cross country road trip from Atlanta to Banff and after I am considering trying to find some sort of peaceful job out in nature for the next year. I was recently offered 30% in my families real estate investing company and my body just cant handle anything high stress right now.
I've gotten my full blood panel done end of last year and I feel like I should go back and get new labs. Everything came back normal but my cholesterol was THROUGH the roof.
Total 292 HDL 50.1 LDL 230 Triglyceride 59.2
I had my heart monitored with a Zio patch and the cardiologist says my hearts normal - even though I've regularly experience heart palpitations/chest pain though not as frequently anymore.
One important fact I didnt mention is that I got Dengue fever in January 2020. I wonder if that has played a role in how my body reacted to covid and the vaccine?
What's your story? What have you done to make a comeback?
Thanks for reading!

Hi everyone, I will try to summarize everything. Thank you all for reading. Could really use the advice.
Let me start by saying I really understand my twin. I know what he likes, dislikes, and everything in between. We're super close, and all I want is for him to be happy. I'd never get in the way of his relationships or stop him from doing what he wants. His happiness means everything to me. I can tell when he's hurting and when he's happy. He goes to me for advice and I tell him my honest opinion. He has every right to do what he wants afterwards. I'm coming on here because I truly think that he regrets his decisions and can't find his freedom anymore.
My brother has been with Lindsey for nearly 8 years. This is his first relationship ever. I don't doubt his love for her but I definitely think it has changed and he is mentally and emotionally suffering as the years gone on. He got engaged to her almost 3 years ago. She gave him an ultimatum that if you don't marry me about X amount of years, I will be breaking up with you. He decided to put a ring on her finger in 2022 and then got accepted to medical school the following year.
She is a full time PA making 6 figures, and my brother is a broke medical student. My parents, my sister, and I found out three weeks ago that she has been planning a wedding since the last year. This wedding is in June. My brother hasn't told anybody - not even his best friend. She is paying for everything, my brother didn't put a dime on the wedding. He hasn't invited anybody and nobody knows about it. Lindsey is under the impression that we knew since last year - my brother lied to her saying we have known since then. She is blaming us, specifically my mom, that we weren't involved in planning. I asked brother why is he hiding a wedding from everybody. Your family and friends should be a part of your wedding. There's something incredibly powerful about pointing at the women in front of you and saying "THIS is the person I want to spend my life with, and I want everyone important to me to witness it". There is something powerful about having people there to witness that vow. It holds you even more accountable to it down the road, and there comes a time in every marriage that the power of that vow is the only thing that holds it together. He said that he doesn't care for weddings and he's doing this because its what she wants. He said he would prefer something small or just keep it as an engagement for now. I asked him are you sure if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and he responded saying "all I know is her". I said do you want to be married right now, but he doesn't really give a solid answer. He says stuff like "sure, why not?" or "it doesn't matter if i get married now". It is super passive, nothing certain. He doesn't seem to care.
We had a heart to heart yesterday. Since October, she has been so frustrated with him. She thinks that ever since he started medical school, he hasn't made her a priority. She thinks he doesn't care about her and ONLY cares about is studying and school. She thinks he's too close to his family and doesn't value her as much. She wants him to do couples therapy. He told me she was actually going to break up with him back in March. But lo and behold, now she's 9 weeks pregnant. Since finding out the news, I have never seen my brother so lifeless. I ended up flying over to him a few days ago (he lives in a different state) just to take care of him. I had a feeling that he needs someone to just be there for him. Yesterday we walked around downtown area and had some ice-cream and he just opened up. He told me that she has always wanted kids and to start a family before 30. I asked if he wants a kid now, he said no. He said he would have to pause medical school and he knows he can't take care of it. He said he's so frustrated because he told her that before they have sex, she can't be ovulating, she has to take an ovulation strip test, and be on the pills. Those were the conditions he gave her, but found out she did none of those things this time. She told him that my cycle is messed up because you cause me stress. He is praying now that she decides to abort but is trying to prepare for both situations. She told him the only way she would abort if he breaks up with her or she breaks up with him. I asked him if this was planned, and he said no. But she is she's so happy about the pregnancy, she told her family and closest friends. As I am visiting him, I just notice he is completely miserable. He is on 20 different medications. Because she is a PA, she prescribes him so much anxiety meds illegally. He also has a severe autoimmune disease. He is shaking, doesn't sleep, doesn't eat. He was sleep talking last night and said "fuck you fuck you fuck you". He told me he is so scared that my mom is going to get sick over this. He is a mess and it hurts me so much because all I want him is to have peace. That's literally all we want for him.
I also feel so bad for her. She is planning a wedding alone. The relationship is built on lies and false beliefs that my brother created just because he doesn't want to loose her and make her happy (they're other stuff I didn't list just to keep the story shorter). In complete honesty, and as a girl myself, I really don't know what she sees in him. She is so pretty, has a great job, works hard, and has money. I feel like she is the whole package. While my brother is so broke, no savings, his body is literally a vessel to academia, and can't prioritize anything besides school right now. I almost feel like she's more in love with getting married and starting a family, than she is with my brother. I think he is her avenue to marriage. I asked my brother if its okay if I share his story to get advise. My sister and I are thinking about talking to her on Friday, and just telling her the truth about. everything. I told him the secret to happiness is freedom. And the secret to freedom is courage. In life, you must take action, if you want to experience freedom. I just don't think he has courage to tell her how he really feels. Would it be bad if we tell her?
If you have gotten this far, thank you so much. I just want him to be happy with himself.

So i recently lost my doctor who has been treating me for low free t for years. Dose: 200 mg 1 time a week. My levels have always been 1100 total T (high) and 25 free t (normal range high)now my new doctor wanted to cut my dose in half so I rejected that and she referred me to an endo for TRT treatment. Now endo wants to lower me as well. She is sending me for new blood work before doing it but from her statement she does not support TRT therapy she talked about going to 150 which I thought was reasonable or she said we could do 200 every other week which is horrible for you! So how do I crash my T for this test tomorrow I have already injected this week so I can’t help that is there anything else I can do to get her off my back for six months.
Does things like no sleep, afternoon tests, and non fasted samples work for people on TRT?

The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.

Cyborg #59 - Test of Strength

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Author: Commander_Z
Book: Cyborg
Arc: Machine Mayhem
Set: 96
Previously:
Victor Stone, Donna Morris and Keiji Otari worked together to create a robot called Atlas to participate in the collegiate Machine Mayhem tournament, a robot fighting competition. The humanoid robot easily crushed its competition in the first round but disappeared overnight before the second round. His three creators split up to track him down, with Keiji finding the machine in a back alley a little ways away from the stadium...
Keiji stood before the massive figure, blinking, trying to focus his mind. He had had many late nights and early mornings over the past couple weeks, so Keiji figured he was still sleeping. Or hallucinating. Or both, somehow. But, the voice rang out, its clearest yet, “No.” ‘Clear’ was a very generous and relative term, though. The noise wasn’t modulating through a speaker or a voice box, instead Atlas was making his own speaker by vibrating the motors and joints that allowed him to move.
The alley that Keiji found Atlas in was less than an ideal to make changes to a robot, but Keiji figured that Atlas would be understanding considering the circumstances. He pulled out an old bluetooth speaker out of his backpack and gestured towards Atlas with it.
“This’ll help you. No more grinding gears to talk. Just got to trust me for a few minutes, okay?”
Atlas stood still for a few moments, whether he was thinking or just unsure how to make a positive affirmation with his joints, Keiji couldn’t know. But, after awhile, he responded.
“Yes.”
Keiji set his backpack on the ground in the gross alley, making a mental note that he’d have to clean that later and got to work.
Around ten minutes later, he was done.
“Okay, Atlas. Try to use the speaker. It’s connected to RO23 on the tertiary control board.”
“...T…Te….ing…Test…Testing. Speaker operation confirmed.” Atlas spoke in a deep, synthetic voice that occasionally warped itself in tone, like how a whammy bar would add vibrato to a chord on a guitar.
“Great. So… Atlas… What's going on with you? Why’d you leave?”
“I am performing my task: defeat opponents, become the strongest. No foes in that arena were a challenge. Therefore, I left.”
Keiji raised an eyebrow. “That’s… not what we made you for. We made you to win Machine Mayhem, not to pursue strength as some sort of goal in of itself.”
“Incorrect. Nowhere in programming was “winning the Machine Mayhem tournament” a specified goal.”
“Okay, but I programmed you, and I’m telling you that was the intention.”
“Intentions are irrelevant. A teacher may shape their students’ minds, but they cannot determine what anyone does with their knowledge. That is a privilege reserved for each and every individual being. You say I was programmed to win a tournament. I say that I was programmed to make myself the strongest being. Only my interpretation is relevant.”
‘I guess that’s not an invalid interpretation of what I programmed him to do. But… that’s not exactly a sane or safe perspective on life…’
“And how are you doing that? Just fighting anyone you can see?”
“No. I have already stated that I found those machines in that arena unworthy of my efforts, in my short time in the outside world I have seen humans to be much the same. Few of you would pose any challenge.”
“Well, that’s a little more reassuring that you won’t just be fighting everyone you see. But - ”
Suddenly, a woman about Keiji’s age flew into the alleyway, riding on a metallic pink hoverboard. She wore hot pink combat boots with dark black leggings, and a matching hot pink sleeveless top with thick metallic bands around her wrists that went up to her forearms. Her eyes were obscured by a visor-like pair of glasses, tinted a reflective red to hide her identity.
And yet, Keiji knew instantly that she had to be Donna Morris. He knew that she had been working on some other project with Vic before they started Atlas, but he figured it was just for some shared class or lab work. But this… This was unexpected.
“Halt… robot! Step away from the civilian and no one needs to get hurt!”
‘Why’s she speaking so formally? Guess it’s some mindset thing.’
Neither Atlas nor Keiji reacted to what Donna was saying. Keiji knew she wasn’t talking to him, and Atlas just seemed indifferent to her presence. Finally, Atlas turned and faced her.
“You seem powerful. Show me the strength of your will and I may concede.”
“This doesn’t need to be violent. We can talk it out, here or somewhere else.”
“Actions speak louder and truer than words.” Atlas moved into a combat position, leaning forwards on his left leg, raising his fists up to his chest.
“Come.”
“Don- ”
“When I’m in the suit, it’s Black Narcissus. Some of us like to keep our identities secret, no offense to Cyborg, wherever he is.” Donna said.
“Okay, nice to meet you, Black Narcissus. Just… be careful with Atlas. He’s stronger than he looks.”
Donna smiled. “So am I. Just watch.”
Donna pressed her thumb and index finger together on both hands and a large light on the back of her hands turned gray. She pointed her hands right at Atlas, who still stood in his combat position, waiting.
A thick, gray fluid shot out of her gauntlets, ensnaring Atlas’ arms to his body and his legs to the ground.
“Gotcha! That’s industrial strength adhesive - ”
Atlas flexed his arms and the adhesive snapped with ease, then crouched his legs before springing upwards towards Black Narcissus and her hoverboard. She quickly flew out of the way but Atlas managed to barely get one hand on the board. Black Narcissus pressed her thumbs to her middle fingers, changing the cartridge in her gauntlets. The light on the back changed to purple and she fired her gauntlets again, launching a blast of energy at Atlas.
The extra energy rattled the robot’s circuits, and he released his grip on the board to escape further damage, sending him crashing back to the ground. She shot another salvo of energy blasts at the machine, keeping him stunned on the ground.
She switched her left gauntlet back to adhesive, hoping that it would be able to restrain a weakened Atlas. Before it could reach him, the robot rolled out of the way and grabbed a trash can, hurling it at Donna. She swerved out of the way again, then dodged a second trash can thrown as a follow up.
After the second can, she was on her toes, prepared for a third, but it didn’t come. She looked around, trying to find where Atlas went, but he was completely out of sight. She sensed him at the last moment, coming from the rooftop that he jumped up to. He grabbed her board and slammed it to the ground with her on it. The board shattered into a million pieces, but Donna seemed unharmed. Atlas sprung up, ready to keep fighting, and Black Narcissus rose fractions of a second after. She pressed her thumbs to her ring fingers and the light on the black glowed a dark red.
She swung a right hand punch at Atlas who caught it in his left. But the light on the back of her gauntlet started to glow brighter as she put in more effort, pushing back against his metallic muscle. Atlas pushed his legs back, trying to stabilize himself. Donna started to push him back more and Keiji could hear the motors start to strain. Atlas stopped resisting against Donna, then, before she could take advantage of it, he kicked up some of the pieces of the broken hoverboard at her. Using her momentary surprise, he punched her square in the chest, knocking the wind out of her and sending her to the ground.
“You fought well,” Atlas said, turning away from her.
“Wait,” Donna said, getting up. “I’m not done with you.”
“Yes, you are. Accept your defeat. There is no shame in losing to the strongest.”
Before Donna could protest, Atlas turned to Keiji. “Come, and bring your things. I have use for you.”
Keiji raised an eyebrow, but grabbed his backpack and started to follow Atlas further down the alley.
He turned back to Donna and mouthed “I’ll text you” to her. He hoped she got the message.
⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️
“Stop here.”
Keiji stood behind Atlas, who was peering into an old garage a couple blocks from the alley where he fought Black Narcissus. He grabbed the padlock that was keeping the door shut and squeezed it, turning it into dust.
“You will find the tools you need in here. Repair the damage caused in the last fight, human.”
Keiji raised an eyebrow. “First off, I don’t really like being called “human”. Technically true, but feels hurtful in this context. Second, I’m a software guy. I couldn’t fix you if I wanted to. Third, being nicer to people will generally get you better results. Not really inclined to help someone who starts by insulting me.”
“Niceties are a waste of time. Fix me, or I will end you.”
Keiji shook his head. “No, you won’t. I can’t fix you, but you know my teammates can. And they’d never do that if you hurt me at all.”
Atlas punched the concrete wall in frustration, cracking it. “Very well. You are correct… I do need your help. What will they require to do so?”
“I don’t know. But come back to the arena with me. We can talk with them there and see what it takes.”
“Very well. Let your friends know that I require their assistance.”
⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️
Atlas stood before Vic and Donna, who made it back to their workspace just before the robot did. He towered over the three humans, but if any of them were intimidated, it was hidden behind a masterful poker face.
“Y’know, I thought more people would care that we just walked in with a robot and are talking with him like he’s a person,” Donna remarked.
“People are busy and indifferent. The other competitors probably think it’s a marketing scheme or something and are just ignoring us. I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” Keiji said.
“Yeah, that. But so… Atlas has become sentient. Good for you, really. But… hooray. Another sentient robot,” Vic said.
“You see a lot of those?” Keiji asked.
“More than you’d think.”
“I am glad that you are not concerned by my presence. That saves me much effort. But the question at hand remains: I have been damaged and require repairs. Will you repair me?”
“Yes,” Vic and Donna said at the same time.
Vic looked at her, surprised. He figured she’d have some hesitancy.
“But, I’ve got a small condition for you. Should be no big deal. Win us the next round of the competition.”
“Ridiculous. You ask me to do something so trivial it is unfair, like a pro athlete competing at a preschool.”
Donna shrugged. “Yeah, it’s trivial and easy, but it helps us a lot.The club will look much better and get a lot more support for next season if we make it into the semifinals.”
“I’ll even raise the stakes. If you win the next round, we won’t make you enter the finals. Instead, I’ll give you a real challenge. You can fight me.”
“Why would I want that?”
“Because I’m the strongest one here by far. And, if that’s still not enough if you beat me, I’ll show you how to repair yourself. Then, we’ll let you go live as you want, provided you promise to only fight people who want to fight.”
Donna looked at Vic, concerned. “Who would want to willingly fight someone like Atlas?”
Vic sighed. “Trust me. There are plenty of weirdos in this world who just want to fight. It’s much better than me just throwing him in prison or taking him apart.”
Atlas made a noise that Vic thought was supposed to be a scoff. But maybe it was just static. The speaker wasn’t that high quality.
“You make a very strong set of promises if I win, which I will. But if by some miracle, you managed to cheat your way to victory… what happens then?”
Vic shrugged. “Pretty much the same thing. I’ll teach you how to repair yourself and let you go with the same stipulations. You just have to know that a human beat you.”
Atlas laughed. “You are a fool if you think that could ever happen. I accept your terms, human. Guide me to the arena, those boxes of scrap will be reduced to dust.”
Vic walked him over to the arena as as if he were any other competitor, but instead of waiting by the sidelines to see the results, he walked back to their workspace. He knew that Atlas would win and wanted to try and make sure that Donna and Keiji were on board with the other part of his plan.
When he got back, Donna was nervously pacing around while Keiji was scrolling through some webpage.
“So.. Vic… do you really think that this is the right idea? You’re just… unleashing him on the world. Isn't that irresponsible?” Donna asked.
“I don’t think so. Yeah he wants to fight people but he has restraint to some degree. He knows the difference being fighting every random person he sees and fighting someone who has a reasonable amount of strength. I dunno, I think him messing up and fighting… Superman or something and taking a big loss would teach him far more than we ever could or throwing him in jail for being dangerous. Is it a risk?… kinda. But so is any option.”
“So your best guess is just… let him go and figure it out?” Keiji said. “Isn’t that a bit too… hands off?”
“Got a better idea? That’s pretty much what we got to do.”
“No. I don’t. But this just feels... risky.”
“Yeah, it is. But he’s fairly reasonable after being conscious for what, 12 hours? Over time, he’ll probably mellow out and if he doesn’t, I can take care of him then. But he deserves a chance like anyone else.”
Keiji nodded. “Fine Vic. If that’s what you think the best path is… I’ll stand by you.”
“Same, Vic. I want to believe in him too.”
“Thanks guys, really. Hopefully we can all look back on this and agree this was the right path.”
A horn sounded and a voice came over the loudspeaker. “Semifinal-2 has ended! The winner is the University of Michigan’s Atlas! Please collect your robots and be ready for the finals at 1:00 PM.”
The team stood up and gave each other a round of high fives. They really had made something great. Now it was time to see just how great he really was.
⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️
Two hours later.
The team packed up after their semifinal match, citing an unspecified emergency with the tournament staff. They weren’t happy with the anticlimactic end, but ultimately they couldn’t force the three of them to continue to compete and so they left without much hassle.
The three of them drove north until they found the first open field that Vic and Atlas could have their match in. There wasn’t anywhere that they could find in the city that wouldn’t attract too much attention or put innocent people at risk and they managed to convince Atlas of that too. The robot was in the trailer towed behind the three of them, much to his chagrin.
But after a half hour or so, they found a spot. A wide open, grassy field with no one around to interfere or get hurt. A perfect spot for them to settle things. Vic got out of the car and started to stretch, trying to limber up after the car ride while Donna and Keiji helped Atlas out of the trailer.
Atlas rotated his head, taking in the environment. “A flat, quiet field. An honorable place for battle.”
Vic let out one lat calming exhale before approaching Atlas. “Plus, no one is around to get hurt. That’s important too.”
“...Yes. That too.”
“The rules are simple. A clean match, no foul play between either of us. Whoever is left standing when the other yields or is unconscious wins.”
Atlas laughed. “I will never yield.”
“We’ll see,” Vic grinned.
“Oh, one other thing. Not really a rule per say, but a strong suggestion: Try not to seriously hurt each other. You’re not trying to kill or maim each other,” Donna said.
“Yes, yes. May we begin?”
Vic nodded, and took a step backward, creating about ten feet of space between him and Atlas. Before the dust even settled, his arms were force cannons launching pure energy right at Atlas’ chest. Vic had designed Atlas, he knew that he wouldn’t be very damaged by those. But he had underestimated just how much he would be able to tank them. The force blasts did little more than chip the paint and an exhilarated Atlas sprinted at Vic like a charging bull.
Once Atlas was a few feet away from Vic, he prepared a concussive grenade and exploded it directly against Atlas, using the force to stagger him out of the charge. Before the robot could launch another attack, Vic swung a full force punch into the robots’ chassis, crumpling it inwards slightly. Vic followed up the punch with another, but Atlas was ready for it and parried it with his left arm, then kicked Cyborg away, sending him flying backwards.
Cyborg shot his force canons at the ground to give himself some momentum in the opposite direction, slowing himself down. But Atlas had some tricks up his metaphorical sleeves too. Having realized that a direct approach was difficult, he used his powerful hands like a backhoe to scoop up a massive piece of earth and hurled it at Cyborg. Vic was unsure how to react to this, or more precisely, how he expected Atlas to follow this attack up. The boulder itself was a problem, sure, but it was just to close the gap. Atlas could be using it to block his line of sight and be jumping right behind it, or he could be using the temporary blindspot caused by the massive object to approach from either side.
Instead of guessing, Vic decided to power through the problem. Vic shot both of his force cannons at the projectile, sending bits of dirt every which way. Atlas was hiding in what was once the dirt ball’s shadow and Vic took advantage of his surprise to launch himself at the robot. Cyborg shot his force cannons behind him, propelling himself forwards rapidly in a charge mirroring Atlas’ own.
He knocked the massive machine to the ground and sat on his chest, using his arms to pin down the machine’s.
“You’re down, Atlas. Do you yield?”
“I told you. I will never yield. I am the strongest!”
Atlas began to press his weight against Vic’s strength. Vic knew he was a match for Atlas’ strength but there was one key problem: stamina. Vic’s body was, of course, cybernetic in part, but it wasn’t the same. He was still human and human beings got tired. Machines did not.
Vic could already feel his muscle starting to fatigue. The fight hadn’t been long, but any fatigue was going to be the difference. He knew he was a match for Atlas’ strength when he was at 100%, but every percent below that made it more and more likely to be Atlas’ win.
‘I need to end this fight now or the immediate future if I want to win. But my normal attacks aren’t doing anything to him. I could try a sonic attack, but I don’t think that’d really effect him. I could try targeting his joints specifically, but those were designed to take more than I can give. But I can’t just let him overpower me for the win. That’d make him overconfident and more likely to get into trouble afterwards. No… I’ve got a better idea.’
In an instant, Vic’s muscles stopped resisting. “I yield.”
Vic pushed himself off Atlas, who stood up and looked at Cyborg, confused.
“What foe yields when he has his opponent on the ground, at his mercy? I demand you continue!”
“No. This fight was never to the death, only to yielding. But frankly, you aren’t strong enough to interest me. You said it yourself, you will never yield. And pummelling you to a point where you are the equivalent of unconscious just isn’t worth my time. So I yielded. Congrats. You win.”
Atlas stood, incredulous. “No. That is not allowed. I did not win. You lost! Those are not the same!”
Vic turned to Keiji and Donna and then noticed that the fight had taken them about 30 yards from where they started. He started to walk back towards them, and Atlas followed.
“Guys, I yielded that fight. Doesn’t that mean I lost?”
Keiji raised an eyebrow. “I guess?”
“See? Congrats, you won.”
“... I do not accept this victory. This is a loss in all but name. Mark my words, Victor Stone. I will wander the globe, facing foe after foe to grow stronger. I will become the strongest being and when I do, we will have a real fight, one where you must acknowledge my strength for real.”
“Looking forwards to it. Stay out of trouble until then, understood?”
Vic held out his hand for a handshake which Atlas begrudgingly accepted.
“Understood.”
“Atlas, catch.”
Keiji tossed a small flash drive to Atlas who had to bend down to grab it.
“That has all your schematics and drawings on it, as well as all the parts we used to make you and where we sourced them from. It’s probably the best thing out there to help you repair yourself.”
“Thank you. You all have given me much to think about it. When we meet again… I will be stronger in body and mind. Farewell for now but I will return to challenge you again, Victor.”
“I’ll be waiting. And I promise to go all out next time, Atlas.”
Atlas took off to the west, heading to only he knew where.
Once he was far enough out of sight, Vic laid down on the ground, exhausted.
“Well, that’s enough bluffing for the next decade. I really underestimated him.”
Donna sat down to his left, Keiji on his right.
“Told you that you were being cocky. We all built him but he’s out of all of our leagues,” Keiji said.
“Yeah… but I really wanted to do it, y’know? Kinda humbling to be beat by your own creation.”
“If it makes you feel better, I lost to him too,” Donna said.
“Wait what? When did you fight him?”
“I’ll tell you on the way back. Not my finest moment, but I put up a good fight.”
“Proud of you. You’ve come a long way in your training. But after that fight… I’m going to need to get a lot stronger and pick my own training back up. I kinda feel like I’ve been stagnant for awhile, just sort of winning my fights through grit and will power. But if Atlas had been hostile… I don’t think I could’ve stopped him. So, I’ll need to get back to the drawing board and see what I can do to take myself to the next level.”
“And we’ll be there to help you however we can. But uh… Vic, finals are in like two weeks. Maybe focus on that first?” Keiji suggested.
“I’d rather get beat up by another robot,” Vic groaned.
<< < >

I have a doctor's appointment in a few hours. I need help with medication. My doctor had me on Trazadone for 2 months, and it did absolutely nothing. It was basically a sugar pill. My doctor gave me Lunesta. He makes me take it every other day to avoid tolerance. I’ve been taking it like that for 3 months. It puts me to sleep every night, which is great because on the nights off it is a 50/50 chance that I will sleep. It has really helped with my sleep anxiety, knowing that I will sleep the next day. Still, even on Lunesta I'm lucky to get 4-5 hours. If I do fall asleep without it I will get around 2-3. If I could just get 4-5 hours every day, I feel like I would be able to function again.
The origin of my insomnia came from panic. I was lying in bed on my phone and I felt something in my eye. I couldn’t get it out, it caused me to panic. After 3 hours, my grandmother was finally able to flush it out of my eye. I haven’t slept right since and that was in December. I’m not sure why this has persisted. Could that incident have caused something we can test for? Like an increase in something that is keeping me up.
My plan right now is to ask for mirtazapine and rotate it with Lunesta. So, Lunesta one day, mitz the next, and on Sunday nothing. I do not want to build tolerance to any drug. If you guys could recommend me other drugs to ask about, I will. I do not have insurance and cannot afford drugs like dayvigo, though I would love to try it.
I have also developed OCD from insomnia. I have to touch a certain number of things before bed and the amount of times I have to touch them has slowly increased. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I have tried to get in bed without doing it, but my mind will race until I get out of bed and do it. I have no idea why this has started happening. It is completely new to me.
So, please recommend some medicine that I could take every other day with Lunesta. I don't want to build tolerance so no benzos or z drugs. Thanks for the help.

25YO female, 5'4, 93 pounds (formerly 120lb) albuterol. no prior history before 2020.
Got COVID-19 in 2020, pre vaccine. Hospitalized. When I 'recovered' I had newly developed asthma and no white blood cells. They never returned to any normal level. I don't remember exactly numbers but the chart of blood draws over 1.5 years looked exactly like this: 📉
I get sick all the time post 2020 if anyone around me is sick; flu, covid, etc. I always catch it. Last month I was only healthy 1 week out of 4.
I've gotten covid 9 times.** I've been told by friends that thats unusual, maybe? Right now rashes cropping up all over my body. The cells on my tongue died one night few days ago and turned my whole tongue black. Im currently spitting up bits and pieces of the dead cells the inside of my mouth and cheeks that are shedding. I dont knowwhy. My lymph nodes are swollen and never stop being swollen.
I get woken up every single night with hot flashes of mild fever up to 101-2. then goes away. Affects my ability to sleep. I start seeing things in the corner of my eyes by day 3 of no sleep.
I'm extremely dehydrated and no amount of water will do it. I've had almost 2.5 liters, Feels like drinking sand, and my lips Crack and Bleed. I look so ugly. I look like a ghost. sunken eyes, gray skin, blistered mouth
Doctor won't run other tests or treatment other than more antibiotic
I don't know what I should do or look for. Or what I should ask my doctor to do next. Please let me know if there are any recommendations
I just want my weight back. I don't want to look like a ghost haunting a manor. I want to hang out with my friends. Thank you. Feel free to tell me it's hopeless and I should start meditating

I thought I'd share my experience in case it helps anyone else. I'm 31F, located in the US.
About 4 years ago I went to an ENT because the right side of my nose was constantly congested and I suffered from constant postnasal drips and sinus pain. The ENT said I had a deviated septum, but to get checked for allergies first.
Eventually I got around to seeing an allergist and, after completing a skin prick test, discovered I'm allergic to most trees/pollen/grass/dust/mold. I started taking Flonase, Azelastine, Xyzal, and Montelukast daily plus started allergy shots. I also got dust mite covers for my pillow and mattress , removed all the carpet from my house (installed LVP), and got HEPA air purifiers for our living room and bedroom.
1.5 years later, I went in for a follow-up with my allergist who remarked that my sinuses were still very blocked. I told her I had not experienced any improvement in allergy symptoms. She tried me on antibiotics to see if I had a chronic sinus infection, but they didn't help. She paired the antibiotics with a 5-day course of Prednisone which did help a lot! However the congestion came back 2 days after I ran out of steroids. Then she referred me back to another ENT.
This ENT sprayed lidocaine and Afrin up my nose, then inserted a scope and immediately told me I was a good candidate for a septoplasty and turbinate reduction.
The surgery went well with no complications. Recovery was fairly painless, however the stents were very uncomfortable and I didn't sleep well.
Today I got the stents out and I am amazed at how much better I can breathe. There's still some lingering congestion (due to inflammation from the surgery which was 6 days ago), but it's a massive improvement from before.
I really hope this is a lasting solution for me! It was a long road, but overall I'm glad my doctors went from the least-invasive options to surgery as a last resort. I am still continuing with my medications and allergy shots in the meantime.

Whew, so glad that’s over! What a relief! I provisionally passed yesterday. Thank you so much to everyone in this group for the help and encouragement. Paying it forward by sharing my experience and study methodology.
I’ve posted a few other times here leading up to take the exam but rather than linking to those posts, I’ll just recap here.
My background:
I’ve spent 8 years in security training and awareness. I was recently laid off from one of the big tech companies. No technical background whatsoever. I have a bachelor’s degree in marketing, a bachelor’s in finance, and an MBA. No formal education in IT. Two years ago, I studied off and on for about a year and sat for the CISSP. But I didn’t get it. I made it to 150 questions and didn’t pass. So starting out with the CISM, I had a lot of test anxiety and really didn’t want to feel like I felt when I failed the CISSP.
My study resources (in order of time spent):

• QAE
• Mike Chapple’s Study Guide
• Gwen Bettwy’s Audiobook
• PocketPrep

Total study time: ~30 days about 2-3 hours per day
Study Methodology:

• QAE - Take practice exam 1 - scored 63%
• QAE - Complete structured study plan - averaged around 70%
• QAE - Take practice exam 2 - scored 80%
• Reference notes from QAE and review other study materials to fill in gaps
• QAE - Take practice exam 1 - scored 85%
• QAE - Switch to adaptive study plan - averaged around 78%
• Take practice exam 2- scored 83%

Study material overview:
Echoing what everyone else says here: the QAE is key. The exam questions are super similar in structure and difficulty. I learn best by taking practice questions so that’s where I spent 85% of my study time. You just need to make sure you're reading the explanation part, even if you answered correctly. There's good information included in the wrong answers.
Book wise, I probably wouldn’t use Chapple’s book again and would opt for the Official Review Manual. And I really only used the book to reference areas I couldn’t get my head around. Do I think the QAE was enough? Hard to say. I had a decent foundation starting out since I’d studied for the CISSP prior. But you can see from my first practice exam score that I was no expert starting out.
Again, repeating what most people say, PocketPrep was decent for testing knowledge but I found the actual question wording to be unnecessarily confusing, at times (sorry, Gwen!). I liked the audiobook for drilling concepts into my brain while I was gardening, cooking, driving, etc. I really liked the questions and answers at the end of each chapter. I feel like hearing the questions being read out loud and having to think about the answer triggered my brain to work a little differently.
How I managed my test anxiety:
A few days before the exam, I drove to the testing center to see where it was. This alleviated some anxiety about parking, where I actually needed to go, and how long it would take me to get there. I saved my second stab at Practice Exam 2 for my final day of study which was two days before the exam. I pretended it was the actual day of the exam. I woke up early, had my coffee, ate some breakfast, did an exam meditation from Calm, and then locked myself in my office with ear plugs and sat for the test. Took me about an hour and a half to complete the practice exam and was good for building some stamina. The day before the exam, I did zero studying.
Day of the exam:
My exam was scheduled for 9AM. I’d been fighting a sinus cold a few days prior (hello allergy season) and I coughed ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Not only that, but I’d been coughing so hard I pulled a muscle in my neck the night prior. When I woke up the morning of the exam, I was working with about 2-3 hours of sleep. I felt terrible. Had my coffee, ate some breakfast, cried a little and felt super sorry for myself, popped some Advil, pulled myself together, and then drove to the exam center. I’d brought a little pack of tissues and some cough drops but I wasn’t allowed to bring them in with me. But that turned out to be okay; it forced me to take breaks every 30 minutes or so. I’d walk out of the exam room, blow my nose, grab a cough drop, take a deep breath, and then get back to it. Since I was so exhausted and having trouble focusing, I think this helped keep me alert.
I found the exam to be really similar to the QAE. The questions were straightforward and I didn’t feel like I was doing mental gymnastics like with the CISSP. I read each question several times and, before even looking at the possible answers, I paid attention to what my brain was serving up as an answer. Lots of questions around business impact analysis, risk assessments, risk management and BCP, DRP and incident response. Questions posing scenarios and asking “What should you do FIRST?” I flagged maybe 20 questions and came back to them before ending the exam. I changed a few of my initial answers but not sure if that was wise. I’d say I felt fairly confident I was passing as I was answering questions.
When I clicked the “End Exam” button, my heart starting pounding. “This is it,” I thought. But no, that wasn’t it. There’s a survey. And the survey asks if you used ISACA’s official study materials and your satisfaction with them. I was thinking “How do I know if I’m satisfied with the study materials if I don’t know whether I passed or not!?” After I quickly made my way through the 15 question survey, my heart started pounding again. Alright, now, THIS is it. But again, it wasn’t. I had to answer a survey about my exam center. For the love of Pete, another 15 questions. I blew through those questions as quickly as possible and FINALLY, I got the “Passed” screen. I had a huge smile on my face and intentionally took a long moment to just take it all in.
Side note: a week before, I booked myself a 90 minute massage for later in the day of the exam. I figured it’d be a great way to decompress regardless of whether I passed or not. And it was such a clutch move. Definitely do something nice for yourself after the exam because you deserve it!
Hope this is helpful to someone. Study hard, prepare well, believe you're going to pass, and go for it!

Silent reflux here for over 3 years now and living in a dark tunnel. I've done all kinda tests from xrays, ekgs, echo, PFT, blood panels etc and nothing that points this out. Classic gerd symptoms like chronic shortness of breath, chest pressure, sleeping with 2 pillows, anxiety, asmtha like symptoms, sinus drip all year around....even on my runs, if I take a sip of water, sometimes that water comes right back up. And a annoying "something stuck down my throat" feeling even though ENT scope didnt reveal anything. I've been living on inhalers, allergy meds, netti pot and yes, benzos for my anxiety. All tests have confirmed theres nothing wrong with my lungs nor heart. I'm also a runner here...not in the best shape of my life but not fat either. Non smoker and casual drinker.
My GI doc already did a upper endoscopy last year and they didnt find anything at all..no hernia. I was already PPI prior for 3 months with no luck. GI changed it to stronger pantoprazole 40mg twice a day and said to take it religiously for 90 days before calling him back. Well...its been like 120 days now with no result.
I made a phone appointment and he said our healthcare system does not automatically recommend surgery...theres a process for it.
He's ordered a "esophageal manometry study" and a "24 hr PH monitor" at another hospital that specializes in it (covered under my insurance). He said he'll read the results based off these final tests and if these tests reveal any acid reflux, then we'll talk about surgery options.
Has anybody here gone down this path where endoscopy didnt reveal anything but these tests did? If yes, did ya end up getting surgery and did the surgery resolve the GERD/LES issues?
Sorry for the longish post....its been hell living with gerd and its very hard to push doctors for further exams/tests etc and surgery is a last resort.
TIA!

I’m the oldest of six children. (F,F,M,M,M,M) Since I was a child my dad constantly compared me to my sister to the point we were constantly in competition. As we got older, the competition stopped at least on my side. My sister likes books and she reads a lot. She gets good grades and loves school. I like art and have many little hobbies, like crochet, painting, hair and beauty things. I get good grades as well, and extremely good at math but I never had the need to study a lot so I would read my books or study the night before a test because I remember things better that way. I was called lazy because of that. My dad favored my sister since she was interested in books like him. There would be times where my dad would says (in front of other people) my sister is his favorite. I would act like I don’t hear and would say it louder and ask me, you know you’re not my favorite right? All these hurt me incredibly in my teen years. I isolate a lot and struggle with boundaries with everyone in return. With all these things, he still call me when he needs something done. I planned many of his parties spending nights doing decorations because “I’m good at it”. Spending hours doing things he could do but decide to ask me. He never ask my sister because she would say no or I’m busy. No matter how busy I am he’ll ask me to do something. I was uninvited to his graduation because I couldn’t drive him to work when his car was in the garage because I had a test and I still organized his entire graduation party and paid for multiple things. I couple days before the graduation, he accused me of stealing his money and not doing nothing for party. I told him not to call me that and I had everything planned and they were getting delivered the day of. This escalated and when my brother tried to stop him from coming at him he slapped me and kicked me and him out that night. That wasn’t the first time. Anytime I stand up to him, I get smacked and kicked out for the night. But that night I was determined not to ever deal with that again. A couple months later, me and my sister moved out to which he said we would not get the apartment and we would come back begging for him and when we do, we can’t come back. Thank God we got the apartment and moved out. Ever since he’s made it his mission to remind me he doesn’t need me and “he counts on my sister to step over in his elder years” the thing is I know for a fact my sister would rather put him in a nursing home than live with him, so I always I would but I don’t want to anymore. We’ll see when he’s older and she says no. Now here’s my situation, the last two boys are twins, we’ll call them G and M. They’re 7. G is like my sister, likes books and such. M likes sports and arts. So M is not the favorite. He gets called dumb and even his twin calls him that. He doesn’t want to stay home. Every weekend he comes to my apartment and spends the weekend with me. I have a two bedroom apartment so my sister has one room I have the other. He sleeps on the couch when he comes over. I don’t have a yard, a room for him, no toys nothing that children like. Yet every weekend he comes over, asks me to make food, eat and watch tv and sometimes we go to the pool or the park or I’ll take him to get ice cream. Just little things. Every Sundays he cries when it’s time to go home. Even when I tell him I’ll pick him up next Friday he still cries. I want to take him but I really can’t support him too. I have school and internship and a job but I don’t want him to go through what I went through. What can I go to help him so he doesn’t get hurt like I did?
Sorry it’s so long, I needed y’all to understand and I kind of wanted to vent a little too.

I (29F, 5'5" 118lbs) feel so depressed and unstable despite a very happy life. I go to a therapist, exercise 4-5 times a week, and have been vegan for 9 years. I do drink relatively heavily (2-4 light beers anywhere from 4-6 days a week) and have for around 3 years now. I am actively trying to cut back by counting how many days a month I don't drink and increasing that day by one every month. I also take 5-10 mg of Adderall a day.
Recently I've noticed not feeling like myself. I'm tired all of the time, I keep having crying spells with seemingly no explanation. Getting out of bed, socializing, do anything just seems harder. As far as physical anomalies go my partner and I have noticed that I'm not only waking up with bruises in random places but they take forever to heal.
I recently found a PCP after not having one for years and at my initial checkup I had blood work done. The doctor ordered a standard CMP serum or plasma and CBC with auto diff but I noticed when getting my results back she also ordered a vitamin d 25-hydroxy test and no other tests for vitamins/minerals. Viewing my results everything tested came back fine accept for:
globulins: 1.8 gm/dL
vitamin D 25-hydroxy: 11.2 NG/mL
Are either of these particularly concerning and/or could explain my psychological symptoms? How much vitamin D do I need to take to get my levels back up? Should I be tested for any other deficiencies based on my symptoms? I hope I'm not looking too far into this but something really just feels not right and I want to feel like myself again.

I get a lot of messages asking about my cancer, so before I get to my story: I highly recommend visiting BCAN.org and asking to be paired up in their survivor to survivor program. Every diagnosis is different and the survivor to survivor program pairs you with someone with similar age, gender, and diagnosis, so you can ask all about their experience. I have enjoyed volunteering with the program and the newly diagnosed that I speak to seem to as well.
My story:
In March of 2020, I was diagnosed with Stage III muscle-invasive bladder cancer. Leading up to that diagnosis I had recurring episodes of extremely painful urination for nearly two years. Not a drop of blood in my urine. The episodes were becoming longer and more frequent. I had urgency and an extreme pain that had me calling out sick from work. It was pure misery and by the time I was diagnosed it was actually a relief.
The test I urge anyone reading this to get is a urine cytology. I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice. In my experience the urine cytology saved my life. It's a cheap "pee cup" test you can get at any urologist's office. More info here. My easy to remember rhyme is: if it burns when you pee, get a urine cytology.
Up until that test, doctors had been meandering down a path that was not focused on cancer. I was 33 years old (37M now) and due to my young age they didn't consider cancer. I had been in some mountain bike accidents with pelvic trauma so I was misdiagnosed with Pudendal Neuralgia. Symptoms matched but the treatment offered no relief.
I did my urine cytology. 15 minutes later "Atypical cells" led to a bladder scope and I was looking at my tumors in the urologist's office. The tumors were biopsied and I was scheduled for TURBT. This is where my stage III diagnosis was given. I felt immediate relief from the painful urination after tumor removal. The tumors were pressing on my ureters so it felt like kidney stones all the time. We immediately started chemo and my doctors began telling me I would lose my bladder. I did MVAC chemo for four rounds over the summer. This was very intense: what you think about when people say chemo. Lost my hair--gained weight which is not uncommon--and overall felt like shit. After that I was given a few weeks to recover and then had a radical cystectomy with neobladder diversion in August of 2020. This was not an easy decision but the prognosis was best. I tend to trust the data.
SHOUTOUT to my medical team: Dr. Bupathi & Dr. Monticelli of Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers; as well as Dr. Shandra Wilson my urologist and surgeon. Their skills and expertise assuaged all my concerns and made me feel so confident. THANK YOU SO MUCH. For those reading: get a good team; ask lots of questions; and don't be afraid to get multiple opinions. I keep several journals, which help a lot and I'll detail that at the bottom of this post*
Recovery from the neobladder surgery was the hardest part. I had a foley catheter and "grenade" for six weeks or so. My cath bag looked like a bag of red wine due to blood. They walk you around a lot to recover faster. It involved a lot of bed-rest intermixed with short walks. I think I was out of the office for at least a month. I am in generally very good physical shape and even several weeks after this procedure it was hard to walk more than 1/4 mile.
From there I thought I was cancer free. I lead my life with my family**. Here is what saved my life again: Signaterra testing. Dr. Bupathi had these tests scheduled every six weeks. It tracks genetic cancer markers in your blood. The test results look like the stock market except you want it to go down. After several months we noticed it was rising again. We ordered a PET scan, found enlarged lymph nodes, and determined my cancer had returned (or never left). I began a second chemo regiment followed by immunotheraphy (that I just completed yesterday!!!). CisGem chemo was quite difficult. The C in MVAC stands for cisplatin and it's generally one of the hardest drugs to tolerate. After a few difficult rounds we switched to carboplatin and it became much more tolerable. After that I did two years of Bavencio/Avelumab. My Natera test results showed that my cancer had dropped to untraceable levels during chemo, so I effectively beat it before starting the PDL1 inhibitor therapy. However, my team strongly encouraged me to complete the immuno. To me, it felt like putting out a campfire: add water, stir, add water, stir. You gotta make sure it's really gone!
The bavencio PDL1 therapy caused me a lot of mood swings and sometimes caused immune system flare ups (i.e. "immuno flu"). For the physical flare ups I used prednisone, as needed. I tried to do so sparingly as it basically cancels out your treatment. The mood swings were the worst. I would often be despondent and depressed for a few days after treatment. Other times, I'd feel no mood alterations. Most often, I'd be extremely irritable for about a week after treatment (treatments were every two weeks so it was very difficult).
I'm now two years cancer free and beginning my recovery from the immunotherapy treatments. I am so happy to live in an age of modern medicine. Within my lifetime many cancers will become manageable diseases--it appears to me that bladder cancer already has. Reach out to BCAN support groups and DM me if my post didn't answer a question of yours. Good luck! You got this!
*Journaling helped me tremendously. I had three journals (google docs). The first was an overall journal detailing my doctor visits. The second was a symptom journal. The third was an insurance journal/spreadsheet. The first journal served almost as a blog, which I shared with close friends and family. That way I didn't have to have the same conversation over and over. It's nice to have family and friends interested, but it does wear at you when you have to tell the same doctor visit over and over to people. This cut down on those discussions and allowed me to have more enjoyable calls with well-wishers. The second journal I would write down daily side effects and 1-10 pain scales. This was extremely important because I could bring it up with doctors and I wouldn't have to remember how I felt, I could look it up. It also helped me understand insidious side effects that take months to reveal themselves. This was the most important journal and kept me sane. There are soooo many side effects and when you start a cancer treatment program you often have no choice-- so why read them? Well this journal would help me understand when something was a side effect. Often just knowing that it wasn't you it was the drug would have a calming effect. The third journal was so I could fight insurance and get what I deserve. Insurance companies try to reduce payouts through exhaustion. They want you to give up. By documenting your experience you give yourself ammunition when you have to escalate a claim or file an appeal. You have everything laid out in an organized manner. You can get it out of your head and onto a spreadsheet so that you don't think about it when you go to bed at night. I had to file appeals several times, sometimes with Colorado Division of Insurance and my record-keeping was a tremendous boon to my case. Don't pay a bill as soon as you get it! Wait until you get the claim record from your insurance company and make sure the number on the bill matches what the insurance company told you to pay. If you cut that check wrong, you'll seldom get that money back!
**Neobladders do not have musculature like your normal bladder. I had several very severe bladder infections--a few that led to hospitalization. During the first 18 months or so, I was not catheterizing becuase I was under the impression that my new bladder worked. I peed constantly; however, I was retaining over one liter of urine at all times. This urine kept becoming infected and putting me in miserable situations. Under my urologists advice, I began cathing and immediately felt great. I lost nearly 10 lbs in "water weight" and no longer have any urgency issues. I can sleep through the night, but often will cath around five hours into the night just so I can sleep in later. On average I cath about once every three hours. It's not painful when done correctly. It's honestly just tedious. However, after all of this the only way my life is abnormal now is my cathing. I can swim, climb, play with my son and do any physical activity; it just takes longer to pee now. I'll take that win!

Me(26) and my friend(25) have known each other for almost 7 years. I've had some level of feelings for her since about halfway through that first year. At the time though she and I were both dating people and I didn't want to ruin a friendship by proclaiming my feelings. Fast forward to last year and me and my long term girlfriend had been broken up for a decent bit. I knew my friend had been putting out feelers to see if I wanted to date but to be honest I was scared I wasn't ready and would be a shit boyfriend. Well my friend didn't care and made a move one night, we did FWB for a bit before finally dating. I put up those walls at first telling her I wasn't ready to date but wed inevitably end up sleeping together and talking more. Eventually it hit a point where she said "I can't do this anymore either date me or I'm gone" now at this point I knew my feelings for her and Id rather try a relationship with her than not so I said yes. Then 6 months ago she informed me she doesn't love me at least not how I love her, saying "how she pictured us 5 years from now with kids and she was scared she wouldn't love me then" and to that I just didn't know what to say. I wanted to say well be okay that there's love her and that were just in a rough patch, but she was crying and the pain on her face was too much I didn't want to argue with her over it I didn't want to make her feel like I was mad at her. Since then we've tried to remain friends. Keep in mind this person prior to us dating was like my best friend no matter the situation, or issue I knew I could trust her with anything. Leaving her, going no contact, it's not an option.. no matter how much I sometimes want it to be.
Anyways after the break up I took some time to myself and got my feelongs under control, we were actually starting to talk like normal again after the three months mark and I was coping fine. No strong emotions coming up, no going home and feeling like shit after hanging out with our mutual friends because I missed her none of that. Then she started texting me some. Nothing intrusive but I got the feeling in my gut I had when I knew she was trying to test the waters after my breakup the first time. Shed say things that came across to me as flirting. Suggesting we sneak away to get lava cake during her birthday celebration, saying stuff to me like "I'm cold" which used to be how shed get me to come over to her place. Then fast forward to a couple weeks ago (6 months after the breakup) and our friend group takes a group trip to Florida. At this trip idk what happened but my feelings resurfaced. We were getting along and having a decent time comparatively to how it usually has been going. Since then I've been wrestling with my emotions trying to keep them down because I can't lose her completely I can't tell her I love her when she doesn't love me after months of us being okay. I fear that'll be the end of the friendship. But now it's like she doesn't want to talk to me at all she's become reclusive and doesn't talk to me. What conversation I have had with her has felt like she was only entertaining my conversation out of politeness.
The thing is I really want to tell her I want to try again at our relationship give it a second chance. I don't know what could have happened to take her from discussing moving states, getting a place together, discussing the future, etc. to I don't love you like that, but I know I'm my soul that if given the chance to actually work it out we could get through it. I just don't know what to trust is my judgement clouded by what I want as opposed to reality? Should I talk to her about this if at least for nothing else than closure? I don't know I fear I can't see the forest for the trees.
Any of you who've been in similar situations have any advice. My guy tells me to tell her to ask for one date one last chance at reigniting that spark now that we both are in better places for a relationship, but I'm worried I'll just annihilate whatever is left of our friendship. Granted what's left of our friendship is I don't even know if I'd call it that but I love her and I can't hurt her.

27M Accident happened mid January, neck brace for 2 months, physical therapy twice a week since brace was removed. 4 X-rays have been done with nothing concerning to the spine doctor. Meds have been naproxen and muscle relaxers as needed. But they don’t help much, just make me pass out which is fine because sleeping sucks.
This most recent visit the spine doc referred me to a pain management program. I asked if it would be a good idea to schedule an MRI for me before starting pain management to sort of track the progress and maybe see if something was missed (I was reading that an MRI would show more than an Xray so I figured I’d ask) and he kind of shut it down right away saying it wouldn’t show anything anyway and that it was a VERY expensive thing to have done…
Me: but I’d like to have one to see if anything is seriously wrong because the pain isn’t improving after all this time
Doc: that won’t be necessary, the X-rays show no signs of fracture and I don’t believe there is any neurological damage from the tests we’ve done, is there anything else?
Me: so I can’t request an MRI?
Doc: you can request one but it probably won’t get approved, and I don’t think insurance would cover it, and I wouldn’t (he mumbled something here but I couldn’t hear him)
Me: so your denying writing me for one?
Doc: how about we continue this up front (very defensive when he said this)
Then he walked me to the door and didn’t follow me to the front desk… it was the strangest thing ever lol I just honestly didn’t understand why he was so quick to shut it down and when he mentioned insurance it just confused me because my insurance definitely covers it.
TLDR: doc said no to MRI, I’m still in pain but nothing shows on Xray. Been seeing this doc since the accident, considering a second opinion but not sure if I’m overthinking things

MDP(Most Demonic Perverts).
They will repeat “Join us” until you go insane. What throws these deranged psychopaths into a frenzy is when their evil venomous words do not bother, reach or harm the person
Each and every night, MDP conducts an air raid of High Altitude Pseudo Satellites, swarming the atmosphere, hijacking actual satellites to spy for their human trafficking and prostitution organization.
Each MDP facility contains a male homosexual drill instructor training prostitutes on how to capture people, how to trick people into signing a contract.
Do not let these extremist radical terrorists force you into suicide or anything, hold out! The more that are resilient, the quicker this will be resolved.
Once these radical terrorist biohackers successfully causes an individual to commit suicide or die in anyway, they burst from the persons dead body, giggling and laughing as they kill humans for fun and infects another person as if they were a horrific virus.
They bulge and twitch the persons eye lids as a sign of their technology’s existence within the person. If you notice any of these signs in either you or your family, you and/or them have been hijacked by biohackers.
This is an outbreak of radical terrorists in high platform airships and drones, illegally eavesdropping and trafficking humans into sex prostitution utilizing electromagnets, radio waves, and radiation
They can force a person to cough with sonic weaponry, imitating illnesses on a wide scale for control and as well, to assimilate identities illegally.
Don’t believe me! Research it!
STDs are being used to keep a person stuck within their prostitution rings.
MDP is an entire organization of drug addicts with advanced technology trafficking humans. They are all the same, against the people, not one of these demon-lovers are on the people’s side.
Cesspool homosexual orgies with drugs and STDs are systematically given to new cult members to keep them stuck in one place.
Whatever you do, do NOT care about them. They will try to use your empathy to have you kill yourselves.
Don’t panic! The hostiles are on Debilitating/Sedative drugs. Stop your bitching and fight your way through it until the threat is resolved. Keep relaxed. Let your friends, family, and kids know! Awareness destroys their recon
It’s NOT the “Illuminati”.
Keep Calm/Be Confident and Live.
Study magnets/Electromagnets.
You are not missing out on anything if someone or a group is pressing on you. Go do you! Do not let anyone influence you!
Their command centers are hidden within some call centers (Do not be paranoid!). It is urgent that you stay on the surface if you work around them. Do not let them systematically control or allure you into signing a contract to an unknown authority to make love with their merchandise in plain sight as spies or to be involved in illegal reconnaissance operations.
As long as you do not sign a contract for, and I quote, “everything you always wanted!” You will be fine.
YOU ARE NOT INVITED! Do not submit to any of their offers! They can alter words in the mind with their weaponized drones.
Stop Feeding This World Wide Threat!
Stop Surrendering because it’s too much to deal with! They are on high class drugs nearly 24/7 everyday!
Reclaim your identity or have it taken away by a criminal organization!
Non-lethal weapons modified to be lethal weapons!
Their captive women/children are their front line against men! They WILL try to force you to kneel to the their dictator, Solih, the shapeshifting hybrid. You will then be susceptible and subjected to heavier sonic attacks as well as abuses.
Do Not Quit! Do NOT Surrender!
Observe them for one year if you do not believe me. Take notes, keep quiet and carry on with your own personal life in the meanwhile. You will take notice of their patterns.
MDP terrorists are pretending to be schools as part of their scripts! They murder doctors and healers of any kind if they do not submit to being trafficked into human/sex trafficking facilities/homes!
They are not Authority of any kind, unless you surrender and you sign their contract and accept them as your handlers.
THIS IS NOT A GAME!
Stall them out! Do not move!
I can’t believe I am stating this. What is written below is not intended to be satire or a joke. This has actually contributed to their narcissism, their abuses, and mass murders
Stop masturbating to these terrorists! They are raping and abusing you and your fellow citizens, HEAVILY! Your fellow Maldivians are being raped over sonar hearing that only YOU can hear, and you masturbate to the Maldivians moaning, being raped??
You do NOT need to sign a contract to the MDP using sonar hearing to be allowed to marry, be intimate, or are subjected and forced to “marry” their trained terrorists.
They are paid liars and spies that trains prostitutes how to screw their targets exactly the way their targets want. This is done to have the target “test” the human traffickers prostitutes before they sign to keep them. Instead, you are selling yourself into human/sex/drug trafficking rings
Do not accept their “lust” they do have spies in person that are drug abuse/humans traffickers. They will bribe with sex and “free housing” then make you sign your life away, with you under the impression that you are going to some brothel or “sex club”. You will be susceptible to extreme abuses revolving around rape, drugs, and traumatic physical and mental abuses. Sound Proof Your Homes!
THEY ARE ALL THE SAME!!
They use prostitution to allure their new victims! DO NOT BELIEVE THEM!
The MDP consists of homosexual elitists, human traffickers, terrorists, Eavesdroppers/Spies utilizing sonic weapons/sonar hearing weapons to euthanize/Traffic and enslave the general public. DO NOT GO!
They will go to war with federal officials/agents to keep their bodies enslaved!
Their cults authority are primarily shapeshifting Reptillian-Jinn-Human hybrids that are seeking “World Domination utilizing Sonic weapons” in an attempt to force the innocent and the vulnerable into surrendering themselves to human/sex/drug trafficking ring.
They are not the police!
Spies are very obvious to point out!
They are illegally eavesdropping families to extract their young. Their groups primarily consists of autistic and the mentally ill, that abuses a series of class A drugs to traffick and create new slaves.
Do NOT sign the contract! It’s ridiculous! They have two contracts, one for you to surrender, and the other for you to contract yourself into surrendering voluntarily. They also wordplay aggressively.
( I am disclosing the depths of their criminal business for abusing sonar hearing technology to assimilate identities, killing ruthlessly while induced under highly potent drugs, mass kidnappings, weapons, and prostitution/pedophilia. You will be stripped of all privileges and rights to these lifelong detention facilities!)
The threat progresses like humans, but the hostiles are progressing entirely against your person.
They are trying to steal your entire identity, do not sign the contract! Otherwise you will never make choices in your own lives again!
They look like everyday people, but do not be paranoid. Be aware of your surroundings and leave a way out for yourself if you are ever caught in a potentially dangerous situation. But do NOT be paranoid, delusional, or psychotic about it as not only would you be more susceptible to any abuses, your vulnerabilities may force you to make the wrong decisions. Man/woman up if you want to keep your own free self.
Do not give into extreme paranoia!
Most Demonic Perverts human trafficking networks has expanded. Be weary of unknown terrorists/individuals giving victims rides to parties, “mansions”, or a trip to the ghetto islands for drugs
They are not the police! They are not aliens!
They will use love to manipulate you.
Think of online scams or common pop up scams you would receive on your daily Internet commute. Same thing except, they want you to traffick yourself into a entrapment facility. Using various sexual exploitation tactics, infinite gaslighting strategies to force negative emotion to their targets and threats a long with actions of inhumane abuse cycles in hopes of subduing their targets
If you accept any bribes and sign the contract offered, you will be paying taxes to a criminal organization/network, times the current state and/or government taxes you already currently pay for, along with any other extra expenses that will occur if you sign the contract.
Ex: Government Taxes + Criminal Organizations Taxes = Taxes x2 or more since you will not be in control of your currency any longer.
If you do not see actual law enforcement individuals in front of your physical self, DO NOT GET ON THE GROUND! They are NOT any authority to the people outside of their trafficking homes!
Drug abuse/Addictions attracts these hostiles. They WILL psychologically trick you into subduing yourself.
Do not be fooled by their fake friendly appearances and smiles. You will be robbed!
Pay attention to your aiground horns! But do not panic!
They are NOT the government or federal agents. They are spies from criminal organizations worldwide!
If you do not believe me, then what I am speaking of may not not make any sense to you now. (Do your own research, don’t take only my word for it) But a great number of those who reads my news update will understand that we are dealing with outlaws that are mainly responsible for the random disappearances of children.
Be aware of homes with “No trespassing” signs, unusually high activity and surveillance cameras in ghetto islands.
They are not the MNDF/MPS/NASA/God/You/yourself/or anybody else you know. Even though some has defected and joined this horrific network full of criminals and pathological murderers, pretending to be friendly or family.
Global Human Trafficking Evolution
They want to ultimately farm your kids and sell them into prostitution!
Human traffickers will start a ground war to capture their victims and to keep spying on them with aircrafts.
Cyber ventriloquism/Sonar Hearing, common tactics.
This has been worsening since 2008.
The criminal agents will immediately disinform and satire this disclosure or any as if nothing was wrong or happening right now.
Educate yourselves to save yourselves! This is NOT a test from any governments within the security fields (MNDF, MPS or any other) though these organizations may or may not be involved, credible evidence is needed to prove that these organizations are apart of the worlds most inhumane experiments utilizing electromagnets and radiation to subdue any man or woman.
Disinformation campaigns are set up and used by the villainous organization to keep the public from knowing about their “spying” on various individuals around the world and from raising awareness on their secret experiment using electromagnets and a machine that rewrites the brain in a flash.
The threat mimics medical conditions to stay hidden. Very heavy human/sex trafficking organization and operations getting worse everyday.
This is NOT a special or a unique opportunity for anyone, do not fall for this! You will be chipped, trapped, and abused inhumanly like a wild animal.
They also possess disinformation campaign divisions made solely for the purposes of covering their trafficking and tracks.
The technologically driven human traffickers will preemptively meditate on murdering you if you do not reclaim your identity!
Do NOT surrender yourself to MDP! Traffickers are seeking your signature to lock you away inside a facility.
Do NOT play hero or games with extremists. They are studying every word, step, and actions you make. With the goal to either capture, subdue, or mind break an individual into harming theirselves and/or other’s.
The traffickers wagers that they can defect millions into trafficking the victims into their criminal networks/organization and facilities around the globe, the organization calls it “hiding bodies” utilizing the individuals past as their entire method to cause the person as much psychological harm as inhumanly possible.
Powerful electromagnetic radiation is beamed into the victims skull to send and receive data, bypassing the skull to access the brain as if it was a computer hard drive. The program is only to torture and ruin lives. If not forewarned about it, lives will be abducted, or killed secretly.
Traffickers can completely invade and compromise a person and force the victim into either surrendering theirselves to their abusers and never be seen again, or the victim is left with nothing, outstripped from jobs through 24/7 focus groups to psych a person out of a job and attempt to have their victims deconstruct theirselves and others around.
This is an everyday 24/7 torture system designed to traffick, kill, torture, and molest an individual.The traffickers breed with their brothers, sisters and other blood related individuals for experimental and pedophila is a major part of their cult, DO NOT BE FOOLED!
PEDOPHILIA, TORTURE, NECROPHILIA, RAPE! These are four pillars of the Most Demonic Perverts.
Silent/Covert inbreds are waging war against innocents
All out war with mankind on one side and Most Demonic Perverts on the other.
Hostiles are taking hostages secretly through aggression and various fear tactics. MDP terrorists can cut breathing with their weapons.
Love your spouses and who you are and they may spare you by moving on to someone else.
Protect yourselves with neodymium magnets!! Protect your brain with magnets! Hover the magnets over your head.
(This is NOT fake news, we have been compromised, completely and utterly compromised!)
DO NOT GO!!! There is nothing there that will benefit you!
MDP preys on any vulnerabilities that a human possess. Stay strong to those that are affected, investigations are becoming more widespread
They entrap individuals for experimental purposes in a room with 1 bathroom and 40+ prostitutes and drug addicts, and other mentally ill criminals who enjoys their jobs in systematically destroying human lives in the most inhuman and extreme ways.
They are lead by drag queen homosexuals with a goal to create slaves by converting them into homosexuals, making it easier to control individuals.
They also have these systematic gay orgies where they abuse a plethora of drugs (crack, meth, cocaine, scopolamine, etc) before severely abusing and raping a singular victim inhumanly. The victims were once a targeted individual before they gave up and accepted becoming a sacrifice for MDP.
If you are a new victim of these crimes, do as much research as possible and disclose, disclose, disclose. DO NOT MOVE TO VOICES THAT ARE NOT AROUND YOU!
Schizophrenia is NOT the reason due to the lack of evidence, proving that schizophrenia does not exist. Do not keep silent for this horrendous criminal network! They are all traffickers and they kill in the most inhumane way and call it their “fun”.
TLDR: MDP is a nefarious organization of drugged up lunatics. The are traffickers and are replicating theirselves to be your spouse, military officials, or any government identity to force and fool any person into trafficking theirselves into a criminal network through endless gaslighting through megaphone like devices that targets one individual at a time and projects their voices bypassing their targets auditory cortex. Once the drone targets a person, they stay on that person 24/7 everyday. If you are instructed to move to Winnipeg Canada or anywhere for bribes, sexual favors, money, and/or free housing through any means of transportation, Do Not Go! You are a victim of a class action crime that has gone out of hand. Do NOT give these criminals anymore power by giving yourself up to them. You did not win anything and being targeted by these drones means that they chose you to either traffick or to be murdered covertly using drones with electromagnetic weapons attachments and technology which allows sonic hearing that the MDP criminal organization network uses to communicate directly to one another without needing to use a phone. Captured victims are forced into unpaid labor and forced prostitution. The targeted victim will be missing and stored away within one of their run down homes/facilities, unable to escape or leave. The handlers forces their new members into various ritualistic initiations cycles within their cultist group kneel, to sniff up drugs.
Once captured, they immediately commence their routines of total control and exploitation of the fully captured person. The victims are broken down to less than nothing due to repeated rape and abuse sequences. Felons within the MDP organization are to either traffick or murder a victim because their data brokers does not want to exposed and has paid a great sum of currency to illegally purchase the personal records of their targets and to send a weaponized drone to the illegally purchased individual, equipped with biohacking weapons to break down their targets into trafficking themselves, committing suicide or murdering others. They run criminal schools/organizations that breeds more human traffickers and prostitutes into the public. They Will Say Anything to Force You to move!
“We need you!” “We love you, Move!” “We want to lust your body.”
They work on every emotion within their targets brain and force the individual either into a blind rage or to try to confuse the person with their own emotions through a series of gaslighting and abuse, into moving their targets to them (I can not stress this enough, do not let them force you into trafficking yourself.
The felons also pretend to be some type of close friend to their victims in order to keep control over them. They are fully trained and prepared personally to place severe torture on one individual (they pair up and gang up on one individual at a time and “jumps” said victim. They act like grade school kids, but that’s due to the heavy influence of their handlers, crack and cocaine that has degenerated them. They also are heavily involved in the drug/prostitution ring where everyone gets raped and are all under heavy mind control from a cocktail of different drugs including cocaine.
The felons has their victims set up as empty puppets who are under complete control. The victims now turned felons/rapists/addicts are raised specifically to absorb abuse, while abusing drugs to remain numb during their operations, scopolamine, crack and cocaine to remain numb to any words from their victims.
They train individuals this way so they can deal more damage than receive it during their illegal operations. They are completely separate from reality and are all under one criminal control.
They are aware of people resisting and they promise to do everything to try to force their targets into submitting to their handlers. Warning! These Malicious Drone Operators WILL Say ANYTHING to force a person to move!
The terrorists all have their handlers speaking directly into their ears during their operations to murder or capture the innocent, giving them orders on their scripts made to place torture and destroy random individuals, innocent or not.
They tend to target the innocents more since these felons find it more satisfying to rape, brainwash, and intoxicate the innocent heavily until the innocent is completely empty. As soon as as they’re successful, they turn the captured individuals into drug addicts, whores, and forced laborers, working for gift cards and sexual/party favors.
They will always refuse to leave their targets unless the person gives in and moves to them. Or if the victim gathers any evidence leading to the arrest and shutdown of MDP
To the many different individuals that takes the time to read this, I am taking the time and energy out of my life to warn everyone about a massive data breach that has occurred and that is endangering many lives, including my own at this very point in time.
This type of data breach is the very worst of its kind. Before, the biggest threat was internet crimes, malware, and viruses that may have affected your assets if you were to click the wrong link. Now your actual physical being is at risk by MDP data brokers who are currently funding these criminal networks and are providing illegally purchased records of random individuals around the world.
Now, the MDP criminals today have gone above and beyond the internet and are sending drones with biohacking technologies attachments to random individuals. These weapon attachments magnetizes to specific muscles within the human anatomy of the hijackers choosing. This allows the hijacker to manipulate small muscle tissues within the human body such as rotating an individuals eyes at the hijackers will to keep their victims sleep deprived. They focus on the genitals primarily to exploit the human desire to make love with another individual through the manipulation of their genitals such methods, human traffickers and terrorist organizations are now utilizing these magnetic weapons attached to drones to lock a persons own body up for ransom which could be assets, or force you to sell your body into slavery.
They offer the remote of the victims body, to the victims they use to manipulate certain muscles and veins in the body in exchange for the capture of the victims body.
MDP human traffickers have evolved from footwork to airborne to stay covert. Hiding behind custom biohacking drones ordered online and through various other biohacking black market trades.
“Voices in the head” has been declassified and debunked as electronic biohacking through electromagnets, radiation, drones and neurophones funded and powered by criminal Fusion Centers, MDP who fund radical extremists and terrorists around the world. This was thought out to be a medical condition that is often confused with schizophrenia or another mental illness. But I challenged the theory and discovered that the public has been heavily misinformed.
If a person never had a history with voices in their head that were not of their own voices, and they have proof of their attackers transmitting these frequencies, how could it be a medical condition if the person has evidence of the voices being transmitted directly to his/her skull? So, not only the voices are there, they are also instructing people to either murder, rape, or traffick themselves to one of the many fusion centers, human/sex trafficking homes within undisclosed locations, “ghettos”, and divisions that could be in any closed off homes, (homes with unusually active activities) so they could focus and convert their captives through a series of abuse and ritualistic routines 24/7 everyday.
They force the individual to impregnate one of their paid prostitutes that are doppelgängers to their targets. They do this to raise another human into being another drug addict/trafficker, born and raised into the criminal network so it’ll appear more natural to kill, traffick and brainwash victims.
The MDP pretend to be on the victims side, but they really are not. They all have an illegal drill instructor that only teaches the trafficked “warloot” abuse, rape, and how to torture.

Reddit Account: u/VillainDay
Discord Tag: mevilmevil
Name and House: Ryam Reyne
Age: 45
Cultural Group: Westerman
Trait: Strong
Skill(s): First Man Warrior (e) Swords (e), Shields
Talent(s): Military Strategy, Running, Looksmaxxing
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Lord of Castamere, The Fiery Lion, Ser
Starting Location: Opening event
Alternate Characters: N/A
Family Tree
BIOGRAPHY
The story of Ryam Reyne is one that young squires know by heart and repeat like a sacred melody every night before going to sleep.
Growing up in the gloomy, dark caves of Castamere, young Ryam showed such impressive prowess from an early age that rumours spread that he was actually the son of the Warrior himself, who had come to incarnate himself as a man to defend the Kingdom of the West from a titanic foe.
After eight years of life he was already fighting opponents twice as tall and heavy, and at 14 he defeated his master-at-arms with disarming ease.
This event triggered within him the realisation that no man had anything to teach him, and driven by a mystical mania he decided to flee into the woods to live as a hermit, hoping that nature could strengthen him in a way that training could no longer.
He took only one treasure with him, the most important, his father's Valyrian steel sword.
Lord, enraged, sent an expedition of Castamere's ten best hunters to find it.
Only one of them returned, with a message.
"Do not look for me, I will return."
And when the dragons came west, when suggestion and need knocked at the door, Ryam returned.
At last the time had come for which he was fighting and strengthening himself, and it was with the spirit of a hero come down from the mountain to save the world that Ryam faced the dragons with courage and determination.
It was not enough.
Legends tell that Ryam killed three times a hundred men that day, turning his blade into a scythe of blood, but despite his efforts and the prophecy he felt he was fulfilling, the battle was lost.
Roger died during that tragic day, as a result Ryam had to face not only the desolation of failure but also the burden of having to become the new Lord of Castamere.
He began drinking and seeking pleasure to distract himself from his failure, but this did not stop him from continuing to train and improve.
Thus his life continued for twenty years, until he had the opportunity to use a dormant force again.
During the Lodos Rebellion he fought on the front line, heedless of danger, and his legendary skill was instrumental in enabling Ser Gregor to win victory.
Every wound, every scratch on his skin was nothing compared to the glory and the knowledge that those years of training had not been in vain.
Later, during the Strawberry Tourney, Ryam decided to take part in the melee to test the youth's skills.
He was disappointed to see that the new generation was so weak and from that day on, he decided to devote himself completely to training a new generation of men of the West.
A generation of tough and powerful men, to save the region from depravity.
TIMELINE:
20 BC: Ryam is born, first son of Lord Roger Reyne
17 BC: Norwin is born, second son of Lord Roger Reyne
15 BC: Teora is born, first daughter of Lord Roger Reyne
6 BC: Ryam defeats his master at arms and goes into a mystic mania that leads him to steal Red Rain and disappear in the woods
1 BC: Ryam returns from the woods to participate in the battle against Targaryen's forces
Lord Roger dies and Ryam becomes the new Lord of Castamere
3 AC: Raynald is born, first son of Lord Ryam Reyne
5 AC: Cersei is born, first daughter of Norwin Reyne
6 AC: Rohanne is born, first daughter of Lord Ryam Reyne
7 AC: Amerei is born, second daughter of Norwin Reyne
20 AC: The Songbird strikes against House Reyne, claiming that Norwin's wife has a secret affair with Ryam
21 AC: Ryam and Raynald participate in the Strawberry Tourney
AC:
Name and House: Raynald Reyne
Age: 22
Cultural Group: Westerman
Trait: Strong
Skill(s): Thw (e), First Man Warrior
Talent(s): Rizzing, Listening, Being there when you need someone to complain to
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Heir to Castamere, The Second Rain, Ser
Starting Location: Opening Event
Alternate Characters:N/A
BIOGRAPHY
Raynald is the eldest son and heir to the seat of Castamere.
He was schooled, educated and raised as a warrior, but despite this he does not possess his father's manic obsession with fighting.
Frequent partying and excesses have led him to embrace a more libertine lifestyle, in spite of Lord Ryam's wishes.
The young man possesses a passion for wine and women that is balanced by a strict and formal upbringing, and an innate tendency to quell situations before they become open confrontations.
SC:
Name: Norwin Reyne
Archetype: General
(Ryam's younger brother, all his life he felt inferior to him and lived in his shadow.
Despite this, he made up for his lack of talent with intelligence and application, which led him to become a reliable and solid general)
Name: Cersei Reyne
Archetype: Magnate
(Norwin's eldest daughter is famous for her beauty and intelligence.
Her studies in mathematics and finance have made her the mastermind behind the development of Castamere, and the proud Lord Ryam has rewarded this talent with a major role within the castle)

I just received a pelvic MRI results from the hospital. The test showed that I had a slight dilatation of the venous plexuses of the pelvic floor. Could this be directly responsible for erectile dysfunction? I have already discussed this with my urologist and he said that even if it is, there is not much that can be done about it but he said I could discuss it with an angiologist.
I read on the Internet that various surgical procedures can be used to narrow the dilated venous plexuses of the pelvic floor. One option is a procedure called internal saphenous vein embolization, which involves blocking or narrowing dilated venous plexuses using small catheters inserted through blood vessels. Another option is to surgically remove the dilated vessels.
Does anyone know this area or have any experience? Can this even be the cause of my ED?
I have been dealing with pretty bad ED for 11 years. I am still young - 29 years old, but at the moment I have no morning wood, I can only achieve an erection while taking a pde5 inhibitor but only really big doses work on me, and not always. Big doses I mean 200 mg of sildenafil sometimes mixed with tadalafil - 20 mg or 40 mg and even that gives me up to 80% of erection. 10 years ago PDE5 was way more effective for me, but now it barely works, and pretty often my penis still needs physical stimulation.
Expect pelvic MRI, I did :

• Hormones, morphology, glucose blood tests
• Doppler ultrasound
• Spine and brain MRI
• Testicular ultrasound
• Neurological examination MNC - Perineal - Bulbo-Cavernous Reflex
• Semen and urine culture
• Heart ultrasound, heart ECG

All the above tests were good and did not indicate any abnormalities.
I’ve also tried shockwave therapy, PRP, and stem cells but without any effects.
I am fit and healthy, I sleep well, I eat well and I do not stress much. I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs and I drink occasionally. Psychological factors were also ruled out by doctors. I take and I took loads of supplements helping for ED, I don’t even want to list them because it would be too long

Disclaimer: English is not first langauge, if you detect any grammatic error, you may ignore it.

1. Backgroung of My Misfurtune.

I started dating this young lady, that I've known for several years in 2020. When I say I've known her before we started a relationship, I'm talking about knowing her from a distance not on a personal level. My judgement of her was based solely on how I perceived her from a distance. She seemed like a collected and well mannered young lady. That is what exactly attracted me to her at the first place, her beautiful personality so I thought. Only If I knew that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life that would completely ruin and change my life as I knew it.
Months in our relationship, I came to the realisation that the girl was far from what I thought she was. It turned out she was a pathological lier, blackmailer, and very slow intellectually. Exactly the type of girl that I would not date under any circumstances. In order not to waste our time, I started to plan my exit way out of the relationship without hurting her feelings. I reduced the number of times that I would call her and I stopped inviting her to my place. One day I told her the truth, that I'm no longer interested in the relationship, and it's better we end the relationship since we have been only dating for a few months. And at first she was okey with it, we parted ways.

1. Things Get Interesting

After being away from her for a month, I received a sms saying that she is pregnant. At first I did not believe her, so I had to call her to do a pregnant test in person and it was positive. She was pregnant. I had my paternity doubts but I accepted the pregnancy and I told her that I will support the baby and support her during pregnancy but I made myself clear that I did not want a romantic relationship with her. I had paternity doubts because this is the girl that I had sex with only 5 times. Four was with condoms, and one was unprotected sex but we used withdrawal method.

1. Things Got Worse

I dont know whether I made a mistake by promising to support her during pregnancy but she took it as if we are back in a romantic relationship. She would demand attention from me, and she would fight girls that people saw me hanging out with. Things were getting out of control to the point that I was led into depression. The drama that she created became the talk of the neighbourhood and this was very embarrasing to me because I held a highly respected job in the community.

1. The Blackmail

She started threatening me with ruining my life, saying stuff like either she have me or nobody will have me. I dismissed most of her threats and atributed it to mood swings of a pregnant woman, and I must admit that I was so foolish for dismissing her threats. I shoud've have taken her threat seriously, the earlier the better.

1. Getting fired from work

One day at work right after morning breafing, the management called me in their office to have a word with me. I knew the management call you in only if you are getting promoted, transfered, served with a warning for misconduct or get fired. I was curious, why the management wanted to talk to me. I entered the office and I was told that my ex girlfriend had reported me at work for sexually abusing her, and to protect the image of the company they would investigate these sexually allegations leveled against me by my ex.
Some of my co-workers and managers did not like me at all, and the opportunity that they had been waiting for to destroy me has finally presented itself. Also, later along the line, I was informed by one of the manager who was my friend that, it was one of his collegue who told my ex that if she want to hurt me really bad, she should lay false sexual harrassment allegations against me at work.

1. A Kangaroo Hearing

The girl was not present at the hearing, It was only me, a 29 year old man against a panel of powerful managers and directors. I was told that they don't care whether the allegations are true or false, unfortunately they have no choice but to fire me in order to protect the reputation of the company. The hearing lasted 1 hour, and I was told to leave their work premises. This was September 2020 during the height of pandemic. I packed my bags, and bid farewell to my teary co workers who knew I was innocent.

1. Shame and Stigma

Here I was, unemployed at 29 during the pandemic, with a tag of sex offender on my neck. I was confused and lost. How would I tell my friends who held me in high regard? How would I tell my mother who spent so much on my education both high school and university? How would the young men in my family who look up to me react? Where can I go from now onwards? Luckly enough neither my friends nor family judged me because they know the type of a person I am.

1. Poverty and Recovery

When I lost my job, I literally lost everything. My house and car was repossed, I was literally stripped of everything. I would had been homeless had I not have a supporting family. My married brother had pity on me, and he invited me to stay with him. I was so ashamed of myself being taken care of by another man at age 29 knowing very well that months ago, I was an independent man and I had my life together. I was ashamed finding myself, sleeping on a matress. I was very shamed of myself that I could not even afford basic stuffs like toiletries. I leaped into depression, withdrew from friends, stayed indoor for 24 hours. I contempleted and attempted suicide several times. I lost weight, and I was ashamed and scared to meet people who knew how I was looking before I lost my job because my body was very emanciated. I looked as if I had been in a hospital for a year.
In the midst of my hopelessness and depression, I kept praying to God to come at my rescue. In 2022 things started getting better for me. Through a friend, we started a business which is doing fine, eventhough we are not yet where we want to be. And should everything go according to the plan, next year we plan to extend our opperation to other cities. I can see that God has answeared my prayers, and I must say the future look bright. I've gained weight, started going to the gym and Im starting to regain everything that I lost in 2020.

1. What About My Son?

The problem I have is I truly hate this girl with every fibre of my being. Just by the thought of her my mood instantly change. I cant see myself co-parenting with her, after all what she put me through. And if I happen to die, I cant stand the thought of my son sharing his inheritance from me with his mother. I have moved on but I haven't forgiven her, and I dont think I will ever forgive her. It is by God's grace that Im still alive today, because only a few can bounce back from the hell that I have been to.
Can I move on and completely close that door to start another family, or should I stay with my son and co-parent with the devil? I need advice from fellow men.
I would read comments.

Back story: I am a single 38m that's been homeless for the last seven months with my dog. We have been staying in motel rooms and my car with a little help from friends here and there. I have no family to lean on because of the abuse I went through. I do have a full-time job but it doesn't pay enough with the cost of living here in this city.
My dog has been my companion for the last 5 years. He sleeps with me at night. We play together outside. He's been a support for me when I have feelings of being abandoned and unloved. When I take care of him, I have the drive to take care of myself.
Despite all these benefits my dog offers me, I am unable to get him registered as an emotional support animal (ESA). (I have done EXTENSIVE research on this and pursued this option with several licensed clinicians.)
I was only officially diagnosed with GAD about seven years ago. But I am convinced I was wrongly diagnosed. I took a personality test back in March and I am STILL waiting on my therapist to finish her report and discuss the results. I highly suspect I have BPD and ADHD, which would explain many of the difficulties I am having.
Last Sunday, my money dried up and I had to move out of the motel room we've been staying in. I've been in my car the last three days, been unable to go to work, and all because I still have my dog.
How is my dog keeping me from going to work? Let me explain. My dog, a boxer mix, needs a safe place to stay for 10 hours a day. It is against company policy to leave him in my car in their parking lot while I go inside. Even if I peridoically check on him and give him plenty of water, leaving him in a hot car is very dangerous. So this is not an option.
Why don't I get a friend to watch him during the day? I have reached out to multiple people over a span of several months. No one has the means to take care of him while I go to work. He doesn't require much care; just give him a fenced in plot of land and he'll run around all day. But, still,no one is able to or willing to help me.
Why not surrender or rehome him? I've been fighting this option for as long as I could. The moment I finally decided to give him up is also the moment I learned no one will take him. Animal shelters and the Humane Association are full. Additionally, they only accept surrenders from local residents. They determine this ONLY by either my car registration or my driver's license. Because I do not have a permanent address and what is listed on them is from another state (U.S.), they will not take him. I have also posted online for help and rehoming. No luck there either.
The moment I am forever apart from my dog is the same moment I'm admitting myself to a hospital and that would be a minimum 72 hour visit. But the pain of being forced to abandon my best friend is unbearable. Why am I forced to cause him to suffer so I can continue to live? It doesn't seem fair. He is not a bad dog in any way. But no one will take him and give him a good home. And as much as I have tried, I can't take care of him anymore.
I feel like a major failure.