I was born a girl, I wouldn't say I hate my body or love it my body's just there. It's something I live in.
I'm not a trans man, I'm a woman. I Just never really liked my breast because they ruin outfits so I've participated in binding or wearing sports bras, I do dress very tomboy but I love the 90s I like baggy boxy clothes I like how it makes me look I generally keep my hair short I can be feminine sometimes I like makeup and doing hair. I hate dresses and tight gloves that show off my curves . I'm not too connected to girlhood. I hate my period not because the pain but because it's just embarrassing it's weird.
I've always had this one thought, like the kind you think about everynight before sleep. It started when I was 5 and saw the one little girl dressed up as a boy in suit life of Zack and Cody that girl from the early seasons. I like to think of myself pretending to be a guy to hang out with guys and to be treated like I am one. I've always had this imagination. I had melodaptive daydreaming disorder as a kid and that was one of my biggest thoughts besides meeting my favorite fictional charaters.
I even changed my name I use a nickname Max because it feels more neutral I like the sound of it. The thing is I DONT wanna be a guy. I hate that little whiney voice transmen have. I hate their pewny chests. I hate their weak arms and short stature and rounded face and the way they sound gay. I hate the way theyre hips are wide. I don't wanna be a trans man. I would hate it. Why be a man if you'll never be truly seen as a man by everyone around you???? It's dumb. It's like being a real life omega. That's stupid. I wouldn't wanna be a man like that. I can't be a man because if I was a man I'd wanna be accepted as a man. I don't want a dumb ass whiney voice I wanna be a man that's like a MAN man I wanna have that deep voice. I don't want a vagina if I were a man that's dumb. I do like the way men look, I wish I had broad shoulders a flat chest wide muscles slim fit legs tall wavy hair a square face a rectangle body. If I was a man I'd wanna be a frat boy. I'd wanna be seen as a brother not a daughter. I'd wanna be seen as a man. If I were trans ,WHICH I REALLY ACTUALLY DO NOT BELIEVE I AM, I would never ever ACTUALLY be seen as a man i wouldnt be accepted into mens sports or fraternity's or the freemasons or a male church congregation I couldn't piss without being seen as not real. Men wouldn't see me as real.
I imagine being in frats it makes me happy and being accepted I'm a male body
I can't be trans I don't want these thoughts and as a Christian it's not right to have these thoughts the Bible says so I feel terrible I hate myself I can't be trans i feel confused and brainwashed. I can't imagine being a mother, or a sister, but fuck I have to be there's no other option this has to be my identity.

People say that attractiveness is mostly how you carry yourself. I have people telling me all the time that even though I’ve got a good face and dress really well it’s ruined by the way I hope my body in the way I walk.
Unfortunately that can’t be fixed. I have been in debilitating pain all the time since I had my spinal fusion. I’m not really sure what that operation did to me, but my upper body feels stiff and rigid all the time to the point it’s hard to move it properly. Also, I’ve spoken with my doctor about having the rods either removed or replaced. They say it’s too dangerous to do anything and if they try, I’ll probably die or end up paralyzed from the neck down.
If death was all I had to worry about whatever. If I die I die, IDGAF at this point. It would be either a potential improvement in my quality of life or all the pain ending forever. That would be a risk I’d be willing to take. But if there’s a chance I could end up paralyzed I’d rather not do anything. I don’t want to make things worse. I’m enough of a burden as it is. If I was paralyzed my family and partner would leave me rot because I wouldn’t be useful at all anymore.
My shoulders and spine are stuck in a fixed position. It looks stiff and not at all sexy, confident or natural. You know the cybermen from doctor who? That is how I walk now. My movements are also all herky-jerky post op because I’m pretty sure I have nerve damage. 15 years postop, and I still have numb patches of skin. You could stab me in the shoulder and I probably wouldn’t feel a thing. I don’t know why I didn’t heal right.
I’ve heard people mention that looks aside the way I move “gives them the ick.” I’m pretty sure my partner is embarrassed to be seen with me in public, because people often stare at me or bully me for how I walk like we’re still in goddamn high school. I had somebody at work tell me “uuugh your posture is totally giving incel vibes”. I’ve also had people I don’t even know walk up to me and ask me if I’m on meth because I’m twitchy. I’ve never touched a drug in my life other than occasionally smoking weed.
I’m also fairly sure it’s the reason why whenever I’m out in public minding, my own business people, usually older women, have an officer called on me, because they think I’m on drugs. Nope, just nerve damage. I drop a lot of things and get random muscle spasms out of nowhere and this only happened post op but it freaks people out. I’ve had people tell me I look like a tweaker.

Hi, I'm 24F and I have never experienced a headache like this. This week I was seeing flashing lights and I attributed to retinopathy of premature because I was recently diagnosed with it in February. But this week was my first time having flashing lights in mi vision. Then on Friday, I woke up with my neck hurting and a headache that feels like pressure and it goes from the the base of my skull to the back of my head. I get tension headaches regularly even when I’m hungry, but I have never experienced something like this as my tension headaches usually are located in my forehead, never the back of my head.
I tried to exercise today and I just couldn’t because it got so bad. I have also been feeling dizzy and can’t move my neck in certain directions because my neck and head hurt. It feels like I have this pressure and my head is being squeezed. I don’t know if I should go to the ER because I’m not having other symptoms but the pain is bad. I have never been diagnosed with migraines. What would you advice I do? TIA

I just wanted to put this out there because I know a lot of people can just use breast milk with the silverettes but I was trying this for months and kept getting painful cracked nipples. Finally I started using lanolin in the silverettes and my nipples healed within 2 days and I haven't had a problem since.

I 30F have had pain in both armpits for 3 ish weeks now. Random pain that comes and goes. I have no lumps to be found in my armpit or breasts. Any help would be appreciated.

My mom, 64 years was a fit, healthy lady and she only had high blood pressure. Her younger sister ( who had a history of infertility for about 10 years and then took medications and conceived) was diagnosed with a stage 4 ovarian malignancy 5 months ago. I live with my mother and my 9 month old baby girl. My brother and husband both live abroad. I used to tell my mom to do a mammogram atleast once in every 2 years. However she didn't like the idea much due to some persistent pain she experienced for about 2 months following one mammogram she underwent. She received 4 vaccines for Covid and had undergone 2 chest CT scans when she lived in Japan ( Now I regret for making her do those). That is the background history. My mom got pain in her left chest about 1 month back. Mostly tenderness. However when she palpated her left breast we found a small mass. 1 week following this we did an USS breast and it showed a 1.8 cm * 2.3 cm irregular hypoechoic lesion without any axillary lymphadenopathy and was classified as a BIRADS 4 lesion. Then the following day we did a mammogram and it turned out to be a BIRADS 4C lesion. About 3 days after that we did an USS guided FNAC and Core biopsy and I was shocked to see a INVASIVE DUCTAL CARCINOMA ( Nottingham Grade 2) with suspicious lymphovascular invasion. The lymphovascular invasion freaked me out more. When I told my mom the news, she said she can't believe it and thought I was kidding. I knew that this was the start of a very tough journey ahead managing both my daughter and mother. I am a doctor by profession and thought I would resign from my job right away and live on the funds from my husband and brother. Then with this report we met an oncologist. He said that before surgery he would like to see the immunoreceptors report ( which we are still awaiting). Then about 2 days later we met the onco-surgeon and he said after examining my mom, that she doesn't have axillary lymph node enlargement and he feels that her CT scan would come normal if done to check for spread. So he recommended to do a Chest Xray and Ultrasound abdomen (both of which came normal) and then proceed with surgery. He gave 2 options. Mastectomy or central quadrectomy with post op radiotherapy ( my mom's tumor is subareolar and in the 2' clock region). So he still wants to proceed with surgery but we have planned a CT scan and giving mom Prednisolone 10 mg thrice a day for 3 days as she had a history of a local reaction to the tetanus toxoid about 20 years ago. Also we are awaiting the immunoreceptors report and thinking about when we should do the surgery. These days I wake up before the alarm rings because it feels so unreal to know that my mom has a cancer. I am afraid about any metastasis and have so many doubts. She is my everything. My brother who is abroad is also very anxious about the situation. We really don't have any friends or relatives we can count on. So we haven't told anyone yet. I feel guilty thinking if it's the Covid vaccines ( 2 Sinopharm, 2 Pfizer) which gave her this cancer or if it's the 2 CT scans she underwent. I am just hoping my mom would recover completely without having to undergo chemotherapy because she has seen her sister undergoing chemotherapy and having so many side effects such as hair fall, darkening of the skin, etc. Thank you sooo much for those who took the time to read this post. I really value and appreciate any advice or suggestions or a word of hope!

Effective Spondylolisthesis Treatment in Navi Mumbai, Mumbai
Spondylolisthesis is a spinal disorder in which one vertebra slips out of place relative to the vertebra below it. This slippage can cause pain, numbness, and weakness in the lower back and legs. While spondylolisthesis can occur at any level of the spine, it most commonly affects the lower back (lumbar spine).
This article will provide a comprehensive overview of spondylolisthesis treatment in Navi Mumbai, Mumbai. We will discuss the causes, symptoms, diagnosis, and various treatment options available, including both non-surgical and surgical approaches.
Causes of Spondylolisthesis
There are several factors that can contribute to the development of spondylolisthesis. These include:

• Degenerative changes: Over time, the discs between the vertebrae can wear down, which can lead to instability and slippage.
• Spondylolysis: This is a stress fracture in the pars interarticularis, a small portion of bone that connects the facet joints of the vertebrae. Spondylolysis can weaken the spine and make it more susceptible to slippage.
• Congenital defects: Some people are born with malformations in the spine that make them more likely to develop spondylolisthesis.
• Trauma: A sudden impact or injury to the spine can cause a vertebra to slip out of place.
• Repetitive stress: Activities that put repeated stress on the spine, such as gymnastics or weightlifting, can increase the risk of spondylolisthesis.

Symptoms of Spondylolisthesis
The most common symptom of spondylolisthesis is lower back pain. The pain may be worse with activity and improve with rest. Other symptoms can include:

• Radiating pain down the legs (sciatica)
• Muscle stiffness and tightness
• Weakness in the legs
• Numbness or tingling in the legs
• Changes in bowel or bladder function (in severe cases)

Diagnosis of Spondylolisthesis
If you are experiencing any of the symptoms of spondylolisthesis, it is important to see a doctor for diagnosis. The doctor will ask about your medical history and symptoms, and perform a physical examination. They may also order imaging tests, such as X-rays, MRIs, or CT scans, to get a better look at your spine.
Spondylolisthesis Treatment in Navi Mumbai, Mumbai
The treatment for spondylolisthesis will depend on the severity of your condition and your individual needs. In most cases, non-surgical treatment is effective in managing the pain and preventing the slippage from worsening. Non-surgical treatment options include:

• Rest: Taking a break from activities that aggravate your pain can allow the inflammation to subside and promote healing.
• Physical therapy: A physical therapist can teach you exercises to strengthen the muscles that support your spine and improve your flexibility.
• Medication: Over-the-counter pain relievers, such as ibuprofen or acetaminophen, can help to relieve pain and inflammation. In some cases, your doctor may prescribe stronger pain medication or muscle relaxants.
• Activity modification: Avoiding activities that put a strain on your spine can help to prevent further slippage.
• Bracing: A back brace can help to support your spine and reduce pain.

Surgical Treatment for Spondylolisthesis
If non-surgical treatment is not effective in managing your pain or if the slippage is severe, surgery may be an option. There are a variety of surgical procedures that can be used to treat spondylolisthesis, depending on the specific location and severity of the condition. Some common surgical procedures include:

• Pars repair: This procedure is used to repair a stress fracture in the pars interarticularis.
• Spondylodesis: This procedure involves fusing together two or more vertebrae to prevent them from slipping.
• Laminectomy: This procedure involves removing a portion of the lamina, the back part of the vertebra, to create more space for the spinal cord and nerves.

If you are considering surgery for spondylolisthesis, it is important to find an experienced and qualified surgeon. Look for a surgeon who is board-certified in orthopedic surgery or neurosurgery and who has experience treating spondylolisthesis.
Conclusion
Spondylolisthesis is a spinal disorder that can cause pain, numbness, and weakness in the lower back and legs. There are a variety of treatment options available, including both non-surgical and surgical approaches. If you are experiencing symptoms
Schedule regular appointments to monitor treatment response, watch for complications, and adjust the treatment plan accordingly. Call 93726 71858 93211 24611 to schedule an appointment with Synapse Spine for Spondylolisthesis Treatment in Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

Hi Everyone. Two weeks ago I woke up with my left breast super swollen. I thought it was hormonal and ignored it but after a few hours of it being so painful, I made a virtual urgent care appt the same day (it was a weekend) and they instructed me to go the ER. ER took my blood, no infection markers, and said idk and sent me home. A few hours after going home, I started to get a very red rash that started under my nipple and went to the bottom of my breast so like 45% of the bottom half of my breast was super red and hot. Went back to the ER the next day and saw a different doctor who said mastitis and gave me 7 days of cephalexin. To note: I am not breastfeeding and have no children. I started the antibiotics and the swelling and pain did start to subside after 3 days, the rash got better but didnt go away. I saw a breast surgeon the same week while I was on the the abx who said finish the course but did an ultrasound that came back Bi-rads 3 - probably benign - and suggested another ultrasound in a month. Two days after finishing the abx the swelling and pain came back. I went back to the ER, they did another ultrasound and said nothing changed since last week and gave me a stronger antibiotic (doxycycline) for another week. I've been on that for 3 days now and the rash is not going anywhere. It has a slightly rough-ish texture, looks bruised/burned, it will get like 10% better and then the next day go back to looking bad again. I feel like it's being downplayed by the ER and breast surgeon - I don't know what to do. It's already unlikely to have mastitis as someone who has never been pregnant and then on top of it for no resolve after 2 different antibiotics? What should I do here? I'm wondering if I haven't given everything "enough time" since I acted so quickly, but that also seems like a terrible idea to continue to wait. Could this really just be mastitis if it's not fully responding to multiple abx and keeps waxing and waning?
My ultrasound results:
First US: Dedicated sonographic evaluation of the left breast demonstrates a prominent area of heterogeneous echotexture, including fibrocystic changes, in the area of concern at 4:00-6:00 axis, spanning approximately 4.3 x 2 x 4 cm. There is no underlying mass. No abscess formation is appreciated. There is no significant skin thickening.
Second US a week later: A limited ultrasound evaluation of the breast(s) was performed. At the left breast 6:00, 2-6 cm from the nipple, there are areas of heterogeneous echotexture consistent with mastitis. There is no significant associated skin thickening. There is no drainable fluid collection. This is not significantly changed in appearance since 5/25/24 exam.

P.S please seek out help to me, or call your loved ones if you notice these early signs.
Marriage with you was my happiness but prison was already the big red flag that I ignored the moment I knew you 8 months ago. I had it wrapped around my finger, mistakes were bound to happen on our journey but going out to go do cheating was never & ever will be on my list. An 18 year old girl and a 22 year old man. I pushed you to do the best but even the ‘your happiness is my happiness’ did not want to align in your mind. For nearly 8 months your inner hidden subconscious led you to believe I was jealous of you. Jealous of your trading currencies, jealous of your looks, jealous of your job, jealous of your successes & passes, jealous of your money. I made mistakes most of these people were my old friends who i left without a word for you but I am not a try to impress girl, i never was & i never will be. All i wanted & asked for were flowers not a daily bags of expenses from you. I only wanted you to be kind and have a nice tone. When you love, you do love hard but your hatred and want to hurt me surpasses your love for me Murad, you never ever wanted to forgive me Murad but I have and I still do. Since i met you i’ve been on fight or flight mode, I fear you but im not scared of you anymore, but this is still your nature from a little baby to a grown man entering his prime years. You will not change or learn Murad. Changing does not mean praying 5 times and reading Quran. You still managed to fit another woman from another country in our marriage, forget the relationship it was haraam. I never done that Murad. I didnt keep a man on my iMessage or WhatsApp in our marriage. You love money, sex & drugs. It’s what you worshipped since young. That is your qismat. The difference is I had my reason not excuses for my mistakes but you had no reason or excuse Mo because that is in your blood it is how you were born and grew up. You became the waste end product of this emerging environment. I was never the way I was last year Murad, when I was 8, I was taking my shoes & clothes off on roads in my country to give to the poor children, I stole biscuits from my grandmother’s corner shop and was smacked just so I could to give to the orphans whereas at 9 you were smoking weed, having intercourse with women & carrying zombie knives in your pants, leaving a gun in higham hills park or St james park. And if i met men before you and wanted to conceal it you rip my throat off and attempt to take my life? Your story does not deserve to be told in schools Murad, your story is not a life lesson but a facade because you have not learned your lesson, you just become more & more proud about your old ways. You know why? Because I know you don’t regret it Murad, a person who regrets their deed does not boast or feels proud, the man who is regretful of his past actions asks for forgiveness, conceals the sin and moves on. The real reason why you boast about your case is because you were controlling the city’s drug supply. You love control & you love power. Do you know what happens to the elite above when they have so much money, do you know what is above money and below Dajjal? Power. You love power & being in control of your family, friends & wife. That’s how you’ve created your trust issues as well as your own fake army. People can’t be honest around you because you’ve pre built a foundation of fear Murad through your tone, words & agression. Control yourself before you control those around you. That’s the dynamics of it. Stop instilling fear in people to get your stomach full. I have the right to diagnose you with this, you have borderline personality with narcissistic personality and a lack of empathy; a result of your traumatic past experiences so Murad prove my point you don’t trust anyone else to handle my mistakes and forgive me or try to understand me unless you handle my mistake the way your revengeful gut wants to hurt and deal with me. I’ve made mistakes but my love was stronger than me hurting you, we always found each other when we needed each other the most. But that fell off when we got married, you chose friends over your wife waiting for you for 5 hours at home, and coming home to find out you have a secret girlfriend from a week in our nikkah. I forgive you Murad. How do I go to my class with other 18 year old girls knowing I married the lover of my life who nearly ended my life nights previously? How do I deal with this ? Im very mature and I don’t feel my age but somewhere in me is still 18.
You moulded me into a liar because of fear & you moulded me into a broken girl because of your past experience and mistakes i did and you did. Murad I didn’t care that you had no money. My vision is slowly settling into my system and I think the women, family and friends around you is okay with you making & spending haraam money but not me Murad. Just like how you did not like some of my ways and I changed even if i stumbled and made silly mistakes half way or when we ended but i did not like some of your ways and you didn’t change. I didn’t meet anyone. In fact Murad you are my worst nightmare. i ignored all your mistakes every one but little i knew, one day shut me down as if i was your biggest mistake. I put you in your place and you have never had that and neither have I been forced in that position, but yet i still cared if i had money just like when you were at work all day I begged my mother to send me money so my husband can have food in his belly from my bed. I went miles for you but then so did you. You crossed the line on 08/06/2024. You suffocated me with a pillow, grabbed my throat so hard I could not breathe, held a knife at my throat and bruised me, smacked me right on my entire left face and nose, attempted to throw me across the balcony in a tightening grip. I tried to hide the bruises from you, but my arm were in so much pain that when you threw me around I had to let the pain escape my mouth. Murad you ruined an 18 year old girl’s life, Murad I didn’t deserve it at all Murad you tainted and left a big stain by destroying me. Murad you are my biggest mistake but was not your biggest mistake & if thats what you believe then one day you will face the consequence of how big of a mistake I was to you like you said because i never physically, intentionally hurt you behind or in front of you. Its okay, I won’t let your mother or your family know what you done to me because God is the one who delivers justice, not me Murad. I bit you and slapped you so hard because you deserved it at that time, but did I deserve what you physically, mentally and intellectually put me through? Murad i was reading my Shahadah that night in your arms. I was really scared, I’ve never felt that scared. I was shaking. My body was shaken. My mind was shaken. My heart was shaken. Murad you gave me PTSD & trauma, you left me neglected and abused many times but I accepted you for you. I now have to go therapy and take medication Murad just because I hid talking to men in my past and you punished me in a way Allah’s mercy wouldn’t do. I did not cheat on you & I payed my truth in blood when I slit my wrist to prove to you that I did not cheat & or sleep with any men, I was a virgin Murad, but you accused me of the worst Murad in front of everybody Murad. You should have shot me in my heart there because thats where I hurt the most, it’s not fair. Murad If you’re reading this and think you are still a good kind man after what you done to me then prove me wrong, find that goodness seed inside of your heart and hold on to it and believe me for once Murad you know that man was lying to destroy us & it worked.
The night that traumatic night occured, my father previously mentioned to my mother ‘ this girl will die in his hands’ my dad predicted this action.
But that was not enough, your end goal was to murder me & you have. I died that night Murad, you broke me into pieces before and tried to kill me but the night on the 08/06/2024 you murdered me & I did not deserve a pinch of it. I constantly pleaded with you softly, I begged you to stop and stop hurting me that night. Murad do you know what hurts me ? Is if my father witnessed with his eyes how much you mashed my body so much with my face into the bed and wall with your hands & weight, you suffocated and tried to kill me with your hands Murad, I would die before i let my father witness you choking his daughter, history has repeated in your family and someone will do this to your daughter Murad and this time i promise you will see it happen in the moment and that is when your world will end. I didn’t meet anyone when we were together. Murad i promised you my time will come one day when i’ll make you face & understand the consequences of your abusive actions forget words. I won’t punish you, what is gone before is long gone & all you have now is the result of your actions. And that will be my last remembrance of you, you won’t see my face anywhere, you wont hear my name anywhere & you won’t find my anywhere. Murad you are not a man, you are not a stay.busy17 man either and you are definitely not a money motivated man. You sit down on your bed more than you get to work. I do not stand for revenge Murad so destiny and god will restore justice for my silence & sufferings that I faced all alone in your house. I had nobody. Nobody Murad. It was just me And God in your house. That night you nearly ended my life, i repeatedly said to myself ‘Papa please help me God please help me Papa please help me God please save me’ Murad when someone is in so much pain God takes away the pain not by ending their life but by taking their soul out of their body for a few seconds to relieve the pain. I did not meet anyone. My ‘revenge’ is not violence nor revenge itself, my revenge is God, only a taste of your medicine Murad, I will disappear out of your life so quietly without notice because you hurt me more than you love me. Life is not a game, but you are the one who chose this game to play so you’ll play it nicely now. The evilness inside of your eyes that night is something I will never forget. All I wanted was for you not to do drugs in our marriage. In the UK, 75% of ex-inmates reoffend within nine years of release, and 39.3% within the first twelve months, If you are reading this and wondered why I have written this there then you have guessed right,
because you a 22 year old man attempted homicide on an 18 year old girl through grievous bodily harm (GBH), strangulation in form of abuse, with evident body bruises on arm, face, inner thigh and chest/neck. Men like you Murad, they call you strangles. You are most likely to become killers in almost every situation & It is scientifically proven that if you strangle me and if i stay you WILL eventually kill me. My parents were right on their conscious prediction. My life never has and can not be trusted in your hands.
This is only 30% of everything. The rest I will keep to myself.

So I was EPing for the first 3 weeks because baby had a good latch but it hurt so bad I wanted to cry. At 3 weeks I put her on my left breast and felt no pain, right still hurt a bit but was manageable.
We are at 8 weeks now and I've been nursing her here and there since but haven't been able to transition. The past week, I've done all her night feeds direct nursing but during the day it's really hit and miss.
I have a fast letdown which sometimes makes her scream but sometimes she handles fine. Then after the letdown she screams, I guess because she has to work harder for the milk? Pops on and off and is inconsolable until she gets a bottle sometimes. Other times she just keeps sucking for another letdown and is fine
Also sometimes she will cue to me that she's full: pops off, big smile, loose open hands and sleepy... but 10 minutes later she screams bloody murder because she's starving then downs an entire bottle
I guess I'm wondering if there's any tips to get her used to the way breastfeeding works and what could possibly cause her to signal she's full when clearly she isn't.
I am overproducing right now so I know that she should be able to EBF if she and I can get it figured out and I'd really like that as I hate pumping.

I am on birth control and I take the pill. I am pretty much a perfect user because of my anxiety around pregnancy. And my bf and I always use condoms combined with pulling out. I always overthink any little symptoms though. I am on my third week of pills right now and will be skipping my placebo pills and go straight into the next pack because I’m set to get my withdrawal bleed while I am on vacation next week. Right now though I am feeling weird symptoms that I’m overthinking.
I have this pain on my left side where my ovary is that comes and goes My right breast is bigger than my left and is sore but the soreness is going away I already have a big stomach due to a ton of weight gain from the pill but when I turn to the side I legit look pregnant and I suck in a lot to make sure it goes flat. The only part that doesn’t go flat is the “pooch” area but I guess that’s always supposed to be there to protect the organs there. But it’s very triggering I was outdoors today and at times I felt very winded and tired and a little nauseous but I haven’t felt that way since just when I was outside running around doing sports.
All of these things especially the first one have me overthinking! I know the chances are super low being on birth control and using condoms and pullout but I have the biggest fear that I didn’t store my pills right or something or something slipped out of the condom.

Hi ! This is one more post of a series whose aim is to share the Monogatari short stories that hadn't been translated into English yet. Except that one already was. Whatever.
Short stories masterpost here, updated regularly to show our progress with the translations.
 
 
Today is a re-translation of Hitagi Throwing (by Tigoris), a rather long short story, published in the Heroine Book #5: Senjougahara Hitagi. This one is among the most interesting short stories : it is about Suruga remembering her first meeting with Hitagi at the age of 12.
Once again, the previous translation was very old, and I wanted to make sure we had a better version for the short stories book.
 
 
As someone who has been devoted to Senjougahara Hitagi for some years now, it feels like a betrayal of some kind to say something like this, but when I first met her as a first-year in middle school, the impression that I had of her was not exactly a positive one.
 
To be more specific, one might say that it was a negative impression.
 
I thought, “Just who is this girl?”
 
If it’s okay to be a bit more informal, then my more exact thought was, “This girl’s bad news.” Now, I’d like you to cut me some slack here, because at the time I had only just graduated from elementary school, and I was, in appearance, personality, ability, and intellect, a brat of a meager 12 years of age.
 
However, I will also firmly say that Senjougahara-senpai was not entirely without fault of her own; in fact, let me emphasize that she was not without fault. After all, when she—the track-and-field club’s very own ace—came storming into the gym during basketball practice, it seemed like the start of a raid, and all of the basketball club members flinched. And she didn’t come alone. She brought along a large group of her followers, which was not limited to other track-and-field members and included students from not only the second- and third-year students, but there were even some first-year students mixed in. To an observer, it looked as if a feudal lord had descended upon the gymnasium along with his full retinue of retainers.
 
To put it another way, it’s like when Mitchi showed up in Slam Dunk.
 
She was smiling softly and had a gentle manner, but that only made her all the more intimidating, in part because her cronies had an unusual air about them.
 
“You’re Kanbaru-san, then? I’ve heard rumors that you’re quick on your feet—if it’s no bother, may I observe you?”
 
What is she, a noble lady?
 
That was what I wanted to say, but back then Senjougahara-senpai was like that—she was like a character taken straight from a shoujo novel.
 
It put a shiver down my spine to discover that this person really existed. And allow me to clarify that when I say “a shiver down my spine,” I don’t mean it in the good way—looking back on it now, it might be more accurate to say that I recoiled with shock.
 
I had an instinctive feeling that her request was strange.
 
And so was she.
 
To put it simply, that just about sums up my first impression of her—of course, Senjougahara-senpai was famous, so after I had enrolled in the school and even before I joined the basketball club, I had already heard her name a number of times.
 
She and Hanekawa-senpai were the two poster children for my school—to the point that we were told (by a teacher during the entrance ceremony) not to cross “those two” if we wanted to make it in the school (at the time I didn’t know which two the teacher was talking about, but, in retrospect, the warning was largely accurate).
 
However, as you know, I was a twelve-year-old who had, for various reasons, a rather extraordinary obsession with running fast—but because of those same reasons, I was unable to join the track and field club. Nevertheless, I took an interest in the ace of the track and field club, Senjougahara-senpai, and went to observe her running during that April, even though I had not become a trial member of the team.
 
I didn’t realize that it was possible for a person to run so beautifully.
 
It took my breath away.
 
My running form was not something that I had received coaching for—even now, I have not received any education in sprinting, so my running form is self-taught. Being self-taught is not a bad thing; it’s a perfectly acceptable running style, and I never had a complex about how I ran, but when I saw Senjougahara-senpai run on that day, the beauty of her form stood in stark contrast to the frantic flailing of my own form.
 
She displayed the final form of human running.
 
She was the idealized runner.
 
But I could not attempt to copy her—she was not like me, and I was not like her.
 
I was painfully aware of our differences.
 
I also remember thinking that the track uniforms were erotic, but that’s neither here nor there. I’d had no intention of joining the track club, as I said before, but after seeing her run, whatever lingering regrets I had were gone.
 
It blew me away.
 
To look at it another way, it was seeing Senjougahara-senpai run that day that made me into the basketball player that I am today—it was easy to forget what had caused me to become so passionately devoted to basketball, but I’ll save that discussion of “you never know what event will become a turning point in your life” for another time.
 
You could say that I’m not really a shy person, but when it came to Senjougahara-senpai, I made it my policy to actively avoid coming in contact with her, so for her to seek me out on her own was so surprising as to strike me dumb. Add in her whole “storybook princess” demeanor, and I turned into a stuttering, stumbling idiot—so, suffice to say, on the day that Senjougahara-senpai (and her retinue) observed my basketball practice, I was not exactly doing my best.
 
“May we speak, Kanbaru-san?”
 
After practice, Senjougahara-senpai approached me—and while I didn’t exactly feel enticed by her invitation, my heart skipped a beat regardless.
 
Looking at her up close, it was hard to believe that a girl with such mature features was only a year older than myself.
 
“You’re as fast as the rumors say—so how about it? Do you have any interest in transferring to the track club? Why not spend your youth in friendly competition with me?”
 
… She was an impressively bold headhunter. By the way, the basketball team captain (a third-year) was also there at the time as Senjougahara-senpai (a second-year) tried to steal me from the team, but the captain acted as if it were none of her business and didn’t interrupt.
 
Just what were you hoping to find by examining the ball that closely, captain?
 
You can turn it over as many times as you want; you’re not going to find a hole.
 
I was disappointed in the team captain, but setting that aside, I was happy to receive the invitation—no matter the situation or the way that it was said, I would always be happy to receive praise for the legs that I was so proud of. It made my heart dance to be acknowledged.
 
That simplicity still has not changed.
 
I’ve always been an idiot when it came to this.
 
That said, it still didn’t mean that I was so stupid as to blindly be scouted just because someone praised me. I’m an idiot who can think. So I politely, but firmly, declined her invitation while trying to hint that she had been a bit rude, but without being so blatant as to damage her reputation or be rude myself.
 
“Better luck next time.”
 
Huh?
 
What is this memory?
 
Who is this cheeky little brat? Oh, it’s me.
 
Was I at the age where I reacted to authority with petulance? Or was I afraid that if I didn’t reject her firmly, she would wear away my resolve and convince me to join the track club? Either way, maybe that wasn’t the exact phrasing that I used (I would like to think so), but, even if so, I still rejected Senjougahara-senpai in a rude way.
 
“Oh my. You’re quite spirited, aren’t you? I’m becoming even more interested in you.”
 
Senjougahara-senpai replied in a cool and composed tone (looking back on it now, I can’t help but think, “Who the hell are you?”), but the retinue of club members assembled behind her looked to be trying to use their eyes to stab me through.
 
Oh man, I’m so dead.
 
The crowd of cronies looked ready to get physical with me, but Senjougahara-senpai smiled and held a hand out to stop them without looking, then said, “It’s okay. I like nothing more than to tame cute girls like this.”
 
Seriously, who the hell are you?
 
Perhaps my imagination is adding to the memory a bit, so maybe my memory of middle school second-year Senjougahara-senpai isn’t perfectly accurate, but the big picture of us having a stressful, if brief, interview as our first contact is certainly true.
 
“Have a pleasant day.”
 
And with those parting words, Senjougahara-senpai left.
 
Even in the face of my unfavorable and downright rude response, she remained elegant. She carried on that noble air from start to finish, and while those events did hurt me, I thought that it was for the best.
 
Even if I had to be rude to do it, it would be better to firmly reject her than to reply so mildly that she continued to hold out hopes for me—of course, having rejected one of the famous girls of the school, I suspected that I may have set myself up to have a difficult life as a middle school girl, but, well, even if I had tried to stay in her good favor, I would likely have bungled that too.
 
Come if you’re going to come; I’ll take you on.
 
That was the stance that I mentally took, and I was not disappointed.
 
But the one who came to find me in the gym the next day was not one or more of Senjougahara-senpai’s retinue come to put me in my place, but instead it was Senjougahara-senpai herself—without anyone else, just herself.
 
“Hello everyone. We are blessed with lovely weather today, aren’t we? May I observe your practice once again?”
 
The older girls in the basketball club began to murmur to each other—it sounded different from the reaction from the previous day, and I later learned that it was because Senjougahara-senpai very rarely went anywhere unaccompanied.
 
She didn’t choose to have people follow her around, but instead, it was more that she was the kind of person that people naturally gravitated to and followed—which meant that the only way she could arrive in the gym without at least a small group of followers was for her to have told them to leave her alone.
 
Why?
 
I told her “better luck next time,” so did she actually think that she should try again and hopefully have better luck on the second attempt? And she decided that coming on her own might be the factor that would convince me?
 
Several of the basketball team members volunteered to make Senjougahara-senpai more comfortable, and so she sat off to the side in a comfortable chair, partaking in the snacks she had been provided while watching us practice with a smile. Or rather, she watched me practice. I couldn’t read anything from her body language.
 
I had been welcomed into the basketball club with a good bit of fanfare because of my speed, so it wasn’t as if I had never been observed while playing before, but there was something about being watched so intensely that made it difficult to play. On that day, I missed an unusually high percentage of shots and even made a lot of simple mistakes with dribbling—the only thing that kept me from outright failing was the speed of my legs. But seeing as Senjougahara-senpai was there to see how fast I could be, she must have been happy with the display.
 
“Kanbaru-san. Have you reconsidered your response to my invitation?”
 
“No, I’m not having second thoughts…”
 
I didn’t go so far as to say I hadn’t thought about it at all.
 
It was difficult to be rude to someone who showed up two days in a row to express interest in you.
 
“Hm. Then how about this? You and I shall have a 100-meter race, and if I win, then you will transfer into the track club. Don’t you think it’s a wonderful idea?”
 
“… So if you lose, then you’ll join the basketball team?”
 
“Eh?”
 
She tilted her head in confusion.
 
No, don’t you “Eh?” me.
 
There’s no way that you don’t understand.
 
“No, I will not be doing that.”
 
She firmly rejected the idea.
 
“But it would mean that I will no longer come to the gym every day without fail.”
 
“You intend to come every day…”
 
I told her no.
 
I’m pretty sure that I tried to be less rude than the day before.
 
“Oh.”
 
Senjougahara-senpai seemed genuinely surprised by the response.
 
“How strange. Was I wrong about you?”
 
“About what?”
 
“Someone like you would be unable to back down when presented with a challenge.”
 
“…”
 
That assumption of hers—was correct.
 
But, even if that were the case, I couldn’t allow myself to race against anyone. Of course, if I accepted the challenge and won, then the whole issue would be settled. But if I were to lose… I didn’t want to think about what would happen.
 
Also, there was the question of whether Senjougahara-senpai would actually back down if I won against her in the race—so it would be all risk with no reward.
 
“No thanks.”
 
She simply said that she understood.
 
I fell silent, and Senjougahara-senpai left—but before she departed the gym, she cleaned up the snack wrappers and put away the chair that she had used while observing our practice. She did seem to have had a good upbringing.
 
I was happy if she understood that she wouldn’t be able to convince me to join her club, but, thinking about it more, Senjougahara-senpai hadn’t said what it was that she understood. The true meaning of her words was a mystery.
 
And the next day, that mystery was solved.
 
For the third time, Senjougahara Hitagi arrived in the gymnasium during the basketball team’s practice. But unlike the first and second visits, she was not wearing her school uniform, nor was she wearing the erotic—that is to say, stylish—uniform of the track club, but she instead wore one of our own basketball uniforms.
 
Her back bore the number 4.
 
Well, actually, the number was also on the front of her jersey, so I don’t suppose I needed to specify that it was on her back. Anyway, the point is that the #4 jersey belonged to the captain.
 
I looked back to confirm and found that, sure enough, our team captain was in the back of the gym wearing her P.E. uniform and polishing a basketball. I just polished that one. Why are you polishing it again? Just how shiny do you want that ball to be? It’ll slip out of our hands if you give it any more polish than that.
 
Apparently our team captain rented out her uniform, what you might call the symbol that our team followed, to Senjougahara-senpai when she asked for it. You could say that this was the instant when all of our captain’s authority vanished.
 
Once this whole thing was settled, there would be a coup d'état.
 
“If you will not compete with me on the track, then I will come to your field and compete with this basketball. Does this work for you?”
 
“Uh… huh…?”
 
To be entirely honest, I was mostly just feeling uneasy at that point in time, and I definitely didn’t want to accept her challenge. I didn’t want to, but what choice did I have when she had shown up a third time to try and convince me to join the track club?
 
She did, technically, ask for the “captain’s” permission before doing this (it pains me that I had to put quotation marks around captain, but that reflects the sad state of affairs at the time), and so half of the gym’s court was reserved for myself and Senjougahara-senpai to have our competition.
 
Our showdown.
 
Bout. Duel.
 
What actually followed was not as dramatic as the words used to describe it might suggest. It wasn’t instantly resolved, and there was definitely some tension during the competition, but it’s a bit difficult to have much drama when the competition is just a free throw contest. Our “captain,” or, I guess I should say, our captain, insisted that we have a competition where there was no risk of us coming into physical contact with each other. I was a new member on the team, and while Senjougahara-senpai was a veteran athlete, she was not a basketball player. So, to be on the safe side, it was decided that we could not have a true 1-on-1 match on the off chance that either of us should get injured.
 
Whoever made ten baskets first would win.
 
There were no handicaps, and the competition proceeded in a simple and straightforward manner—we took turns taking our shots, and after thirty minutes, it was all over.
 
The final score was ten to nine.
 
It was a close match—which Senjougahara-senpai won.
 
We both missed a number of shots, but we remained neck-and-neck throughout, until, in the end, Senjougahara-senpai managed to get the final basket.
 
“It was a good competition.” Senjougahara spoke, brushing aside her long, elegant hair. “Kanbaru-san, it seems that you are more suited for the basketball court than the track—I hope that you will continue to give it your best.”
 
She turned on her heel and left the gym.
 
I had already been thinking of some way to avoid taking part in races (such as by focusing on long jump or high jump) and had resigned myself to having to join the track club, so when Senjougahara-senpai simply departed, I was left dumbfounded for a moment.
 
But it was only a moment.
 
I hurriedly chased after Senjougahara-senpai—and I full-out sprinted, so I quickly caught up to her elegant walk, and I grabbed her wrist.
 
Grabbing someone by the wrist is a forceful way to stop them. One might say that it’s wild and violent, which is to say, it’s very me. Senjougahara-senpai turned to look at me with obvious suspicion, and perhaps she was letting her real self show through because her gaze was sharp.
 
Under that sharp gaze, I asked, “Was this your goal from the start?”
 
It was almost more like an interrogation than a simple question, which was also very like me.
 
“You wanted to compete with me, beat me, and then drop me?”
 
“… What do you mean? For what reason would I do such a thing?”
 
Senjougahara-senpai asked back seriously without any hint of evasion.
 
“To protect me,” I replied.
 
The outline was simple enough—there was no mistake that the original reason that she had come to the gym was to scout me for the track team after hearing rumors about me.
 
And she would surely have anticipated that there was a chance that I would say no to her invitation.
 
But what she did not anticipate was the super strength of my refusal—that is, my more-than-necessary, full-on rejection. And I had rejected her so rudely in front of all of her followers.
 
Senjougahara-senpai managed to keep things peaceful at that time, but, as they say, bad news travels fast. A newly enrolled first-year who dared to bare her teeth at the elegant and skilled Senjougahara Hitagi would be a rumor that reached every ear in record time, and when it did… my school life would have a very bleak outlook.
 
I had planned—which is to say, foolishly assumed—to deal with that problem when the time came, but Senjougahara-senpai had a way to prevent it from happening in the first place.
 
She was able to rein in the people who followed her directly, but she had no way of anticipating what others might do upon hearing the rumor—people are good on their own, but there’s plenty of bad to be found in a group. That was why Senjougahara-senpai needed to get ahead of the rumors and put an end to the story—and in a way that would let her be in the winning position. But it wasn’t just about her winning—she needed to win in such a way that it would be a close battle so as not to tarnish the reputation of the first-year rising star of the basketball team.
 
And so we had a free-throw contest.
 
… Thinking about it more, it had been strange for the team captain to just go along with whatever Senjougahara-senpai said, but then also be the one to decide on the rules for the contest in the way that she did… In other words, by having us take turns to do our free throws, they would be able to control the scores, and the two of them must have arranged the entire circumstance of our contest from the start, back whenever Senjougahara-senpai had gone to ask to borrow the uniform (which means I was completely wrong about the captain).
 
If I had accepted her challenge on the second day—which would have been the best for Senjougahara-senpai—she could have controlled her speed so as to put on a show of it being a close race between the two of us.
 
She must have a lot of confidence to have been so sure that she could “barely win in a neck-and-neck competition” in not only running on the track but also a free throw competition. That she was able to pull it off so cleanly, however, meant that I could not fault her for that confidence.
 
By clearly and definitively beating me and then, just as clearly and definitively, acknowledging my ability in a public space—which is to say, giving me permission to continue playing basketball—she would knock down the perceived conflict and defuse the situation with her fans who might have wished me harm.
 
“… Supposing that I had been thinking along those lines…”
 
Senjougahara-senpai spoke now in a flat, sober voice that was entirely unlike how she had been talking up until that point.
 
“Wouldn’t you be throwing away my consideration by confronting me and voicing your thoughts to me? Are you not undoing what I’ve just done?”
 
She was trying to tell me that I should follow her lead and subtly accept what she did for me. I let go of her wrist.
 
And then I took hold of her hand instead.
 
I did so gently.
 
I copied Senjougahara-senpai’s mannerisms of softness and kindness—she no doubt thought that I was trying to have a friendly parting handshake to show that there were no hard feelings, but instead I did something that was completely unexpected and kissed the back of her hand.
 
“W… What?!”
 
She practically screamed the word with surprise, and I straightened.
 
“No, I don’t think so.” I declared. “Because I have decided to accept your kindness and go far beyond what is necessary to repay it—Senjougahara-senpai.”
 
From now on, I am your dog.
 
That’s what I told her.
 
Senjougahara Hitagi and Kanbaru Suruga. The pair that would go on to be called the Valhalla Duo began here.
 
“Are you an idiot?”
 
I still think that those words and the cold smile that came with them were probably Senjougahara-senpai’s genuine, impartial reaction to what I had said.
 
 
As usual, thank you spr-o-ckt for contributing to this commission.
A cute little story. I wish we could see more of those that actually feels important rather than yet another pun-filled discussion about a random topic.
See you next time for another story !

Hello,
25/M. Dealing with some health anxiety that has taken over my life. Had some random blood in my stool 3 weeks ago that was bright red and more fresh. Bled a week later in a similar fashion. GP ran some blood work and found no anemia or abnormalities. Went to a specialist this week and he told me during anoscopic examination that he saw grade 2 hemorrhoids. He told me it is most likely just that but scheduled a colonoscopy in a few weeks to give me peace of mind.
My problem is my anxiety is taking over my whole life. I keep feeling random abdominal pains now but also have a lot of diarrhea. I know it is most likely just from having such intense anxiety but I don’t know how to calm myself down. No family history of colon cancer but it feels like everywhere I read I see posts about someone being diagnosed. Hoping someone can help.

I’m having my first biopsy this Thursday. Surprisingly not too nervous. My mom had breast cancer twice and now pancreatic cancer. So I’m quite familiar with all the various treatments and figure if she can handle it at 81, so can I at 44. My question is for people who have very cystic and fibrous breasts, do you tend to have more biopsies? I just feel like this is going to be a lifelong thing and they said I have a 26% chance of invasive breast cancer. I’m like, why do have these things (breasts)? Anyone ever do prophylactic mastectomy even though you don’t have the BRACA gene?

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So a day ago my younger brother aged 8 was angry and shut himself in his room so when I tried to open the door he slammed it and it hit like my upper forehead hard. It hurt at first but a few moments after the pain went away, it only hurt when I touched it. I didn’t think much of it though because there isn’t a bump or anything but today I’ve noticed I’ve been having neck pain and my vision has been unfocusing. I’ve also been feeling really hot and have been putting ice on my forehead, I’m not sure if it’s just minor symptoms and I shouldn’t be worried until of course the symptoms get worse?

P.S please seek out help to me, or call your loved ones if you notice these early signs.
Marriage with you was my happiness but prison was already the big red flag that I ignored the moment I knew you 8 months ago. I had it wrapped around my finger, mistakes were bound to happen on our journey but going out to go do cheating was never & ever will be on my list. An 18 year old girl and a 22 year old man. I pushed you to do the best but even the ‘your happiness is my happiness’ did not want to align in your mind. For nearly 8 months your inner hidden subconscious led you to believe I was jealous of you. Jealous of your trading currencies, jealous of your looks, jealous of your job, jealous of your successes & passes, jealous of your money. I made mistakes most of these people were my old friends who i left without a word for you but I am not a try to impress girl, i never was & i never will be. All i wanted & asked for were flowers not a daily bags of expenses from you. I only wanted you to be kind and have a nice tone. When you love, you do love hard but your hatred and want to hurt me surpasses your love for me Murad, you never ever wanted to forgive me Murad but I have and I still do. Since i met you i’ve been on fight or flight mode, I fear you but im not scared of you anymore, but this is still your nature from a little baby to a grown man entering his prime years. You will not change or learn Murad. Changing does not mean praying 5 times and reading Quran. You still managed to fit another woman from another country in our marriage, forget the relationship it was haraam. I never done that Murad. I didnt keep a man on my iMessage or WhatsApp in our marriage. You love money, sex & drugs. It’s what you worshipped since young. That is your qismat. The difference is I had my reason not excuses for my mistakes but you had no reason or excuse Mo because that is in your blood it is how you were born and grew up. You became the waste end product of this emerging environment. I was never the way I was last year Murad, when I was 8, I was taking my shoes & clothes off on roads in my country to give to the poor children, I stole biscuits from my grandmother’s corner shop and was smacked just so I could to give to the orphans whereas at 9 you were smoking weed, having intercourse with women & carrying zombie knives in your pants, leaving a gun in higham hills park or St james park. And if i met men before you and wanted to conceal it you rip my throat off and attempt to take my life? Your story does not deserve to be told in schools Murad, your story is not a life lesson but a facade because you have not learned your lesson, you just become more & more proud about your old ways. You know why? Because I know you don’t regret it Murad, a person who regrets their deed does not boast or feels proud, the man who is regretful of his past actions asks for forgiveness, conceals the sin and moves on. The real reason why you boast about your case is because you were controlling the city’s drug supply. You love control & you love power. Do you know what happens to the elite above when they have so much money, do you know what is above money and below Dajjal? Power. You love power & being in control of your family, friends & wife. That’s how you’ve created your trust issues as well as your own fake army. People can’t be honest around you because you’ve pre built a foundation of fear Murad through your tone, words & agression. Control yourself before you control those around you. That’s the dynamics of it. Stop instilling fear in people to get your stomach full. I have the right to diagnose you with this, you have borderline personality with narcissistic personality and a lack of empathy; a result of your traumatic past experiences so Murad prove my point you don’t trust anyone else to handle my mistakes and forgive me or try to understand me unless you handle my mistake the way your revengeful gut wants to hurt and deal with me. I’ve made mistakes but my love was stronger than me hurting you, we always found each other when we needed each other the most. But that fell off when we got married, you chose friends over your wife waiting for you for 5 hours at home, and coming home to find out you have a secret girlfriend from a week in our nikkah. I forgive you Murad. How do I go to my class with other 18 year old girls knowing I married the lover of my life who nearly ended my life nights previously? How do I deal with this ? Im very mature and I don’t feel my age but somewhere in me is still 18.
You moulded me into a liar because of fear & you moulded me into a broken girl because of your past experience and mistakes i did and you did. Murad I didn’t care that you had no money. My vision is slowly settling into my system and I think the women, family and friends around you is okay with you making & spending haraam money but not me Murad. Just like how you did not like some of my ways and I changed even if i stumbled and made silly mistakes half way or when we ended but i did not like some of your ways and you didn’t change. I didn’t meet anyone. In fact Murad you are my worst nightmare. i ignored all your mistakes every one but little i knew, one day shut me down as if i was your biggest mistake. I put you in your place and you have never had that and neither have I been forced in that position, but yet i still cared if i had money just like when you were at work all day I begged my mother to send me money so my husband can have food in his belly from my bed. I went miles for you but then so did you. You crossed the line on 08/06/2024. You suffocated me with a pillow, grabbed my throat so hard I could not breathe, held a knife at my throat and bruised me, smacked me right on my entire left face and nose, attempted to throw me across the balcony in a tightening grip. I tried to hide the bruises from you, but my arm were in so much pain that when you threw me around I had to let the pain escape my mouth. Murad you ruined an 18 year old girl’s life, Murad I didn’t deserve it at all Murad you tainted and left a big stain by destroying me. Murad you are my biggest mistake but was not your biggest mistake & if thats what you believe then one day you will face the consequence of how big of a mistake I was to you like you said because i never physically, intentionally hurt you behind or in front of you. Its okay, I won’t let your mother or your family know what you done to me because God is the one who delivers justice, not me Murad. I bit you and slapped you so hard because you deserved it at that time, but did I deserve what you physically, mentally and intellectually put me through? Murad i was reading my Shahadah that night in your arms. I was really scared, I’ve never felt that scared. I was shaking. My body was shaken. My mind was shaken. My heart was shaken. Murad you gave me PTSD & trauma, you left me neglected and abused many times but I accepted you for you. I now have to go therapy and take medication Murad just because I hid talking to men in my past and you punished me in a way Allah’s mercy wouldn’t do. I did not cheat on you & I payed my truth in blood when I slit my wrist to prove to you that I did not cheat & or sleep with any men, I was a virgin Murad, but you accused me of the worst Murad in front of everybody Murad. You should have shot me in my heart there because thats where I hurt the most, it’s not fair. Murad If you’re reading this and think you are still a good kind man after what you done to me then prove me wrong, find that goodness seed inside of your heart and hold on to it and believe me for once Murad you know that man was lying to destroy us & it worked.
The night that traumatic night occured, my father previously mentioned to my mother ‘ this girl will die in his hands’ my dad predicted this action.
But that was not enough, your end goal was to murder me & you have. I died that night Murad, you broke me into pieces before and tried to kill me but the night on the 08/06/2024 you murdered me & I did not deserve a pinch of it. I constantly pleaded with you softly, I begged you to stop and stop hurting me that night. Murad do you know what hurts me ? Is if my father witnessed with his eyes how much you mashed my body so much with my face into the bed and wall with your hands & weight, you suffocated and tried to kill me with your hands Murad, I would die before i let my father witness you choking his daughter, history has repeated in your family and someone will do this to your daughter Murad and this time i promise you will see it happen in the moment and that is when your world will end. I didn’t meet anyone when we were together. Murad i promised you my time will come one day when i’ll make you face & understand the consequences of your abusive actions forget words. I won’t punish you, what is gone before is long gone & all you have now is the result of your actions. And that will be my last remembrance of you, you won’t see my face anywhere, you wont hear my name anywhere & you won’t find my anywhere. Murad you are not a man, you are not a stay.busy17 man either and you are definitely not a money motivated man. You sit down on your bed more than you get to work. I do not stand for revenge Murad so destiny and god will restore justice for my silence & sufferings that I faced all alone in your house. I had nobody. Nobody Murad. It was just me And God in your house. That night you nearly ended my life, i repeatedly said to myself ‘Papa please help me God please help me Papa please help me God please save me’ Murad when someone is in so much pain God takes away the pain not by ending their life but by taking their soul out of their body for a few seconds to relieve the pain. I did not meet anyone. My ‘revenge’ is not violence nor revenge itself, my revenge is God, only a taste of your medicine Murad, I will disappear out of your life so quietly without notice because you hurt me more than you love me. Life is not a game, but you are the one who chose this game to play so you’ll play it nicely now. The evilness inside of your eyes that night is something I will never forget. All I wanted was for you not to do drugs in our marriage. In the UK, 75% of ex-inmates reoffend within nine years of release, and 39.3% within the first twelve months, If you are reading this and wondered why I have written this there then you have guessed right,
because you a 22 year old man attempted homicide on an 18 year old girl through grievous bodily harm (GBH), strangulation in form of abuse, with evident body bruises on arm, face, inner thigh and chest/neck. Men like you Murad, they call you strangles. You are most likely to become killers in almost every situation & It is scientifically proven that if you strangle me and if i stay you WILL eventually kill me. My parents were right on their conscious prediction. My life never has and can not be trusted in your hands.
This is only 30% of everything. The rest I will keep to myself.

Hello. I'd like some advice. This might be long but I hope some people can read it.
My dog is turning 18 years old in a month (July). He's a French poodle, I've had him since 2006. He's the only pet I've ever had.
He's almost completely blind & completely deaf. He is incontinent, so he pees around the house, so he wears a diaper all day. He poops around the house as well sometimes. We still take him out for walks at least 3 times a day; however, he is not able to walk for a whole block. He walks for about half a block (small blocks btw) & he just gives up. His back legs shake a lot, which makes us think they'll stop working soon.
He has stopped eating recently. We've tried feeding him with our hands and he does sometimes eat, but there are days when he just doesn't eat anymore. We've tried giving him chicken or beef like the vet said but he throws it up afterwards (not always) He's super skinny. He always used to weight 4.5 kilograms but last time the vet checked him he was 3.2 kilograms.
He wanders around the house & sometimes hits his head against the walls & recently, he's started walking around in circles, relentlessly, & he doesn't stop even when we grab him or pet him.
I'm just really sad. He's not sick. He does not have cancer & we don't think he's in pain (not that we know of). However, he just doesn't have a life anymore. He doesn't play around, he doesn't enjoy anything like walks (he used to walk for many kilometers with my mom & now he just can't walk for 10 meters), he's almost blind so he hits his head a lot & he's deaf. I also don't think he recognizes us anymore.
We're exhausted as we have to clean pee and poo every single day, wash diapers every day and it's honestly exhausting. However, I do not want to be selfish & put him down just because we're tired.
I do not want to regret putting him down because like I said, he's not sick. I do not want to feel guilty because I feel like I'm killing him before his time has come. This breed can live up to 20 years! But what kind of life will he have where he can't walk or eat well?
I just want to read some advice. Please. I hope my English is understandable. I'm sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

i'm 21, FTM pre top surgery but like a year on T. I used binders ever since i had breasts and just directly took my measurements for that size chart. now i hate binding and haven't in a year because ouch my lung capacity, rib pain, i live in the southeast us. bought some low impact comfy sports bras because my boobs aren't really big, and most of the time i don't even get clocked. T made me gain weight, needed to buy more. took my measurements and APPARENTLY i am a 32F ???? why are we as a society conditioned to think D cups are large. i am kinda man brained on this too because i was like. okay yeah A and B small C medium and D larger and E beyond is like watermelon size. VERY WRONG. because how in the world am i getting "sir"d at 5'2 135lbs F cup boobs with no compression. oh yeah and not to mention that size isn't on standardized size charts so we just wasted all that time to ball and go with a medium, my shirt size. can't imagine the bullshit of real bras and people who actually have big boobs.

As the title states I'm asking if anyone has any information when it comes to prescription opioid medication and the FMCSA guidelines. A little bit of a back story I hurt myself working around the house and had a couple Oxycodone's in my medicine cabinet from when I had my neck surgery about a year prior. Sure enough, I go into work the following morning and get popped for a random. I work for a local utility company where I need my class A CDL to drive our company vehicles. I turned in my prescription paperwork to the MRO and my positive drug test was revised to a negative, however; the nurse/medical examiner at my job says she doesn't feel "comfortable" signing off on my DOT certificate now. I just want to get back to work. I've done everything my employer has asked of me. Submitted the prescription, the test results revised, and even started the employee assistance program. On top of not feeling "comfortable" the nurse/ medical examiner states that per. FMCSA guidelines I can't have an opioid in my system. I feel like that information can't be accurate. That's like if I get into a car accident and they prescribe me a pain killer I can't take it? If anyone has any info or first hand experience I would greatly appreciate it. TIA.
P.S hindsight is always 20/20 if I knew this was going to be this big of a mess I would have never taken the pills and I already have got rid of the couple I had left over from my surgery.