Hi there! I'm kind of new to this and looking for support. I've only been off of testosterone and publicly detransitioning for a month now. I'll write some of the backstory out and then my questions/concerns about my former transition and what to do next. I might ramble, my apologies. I have a lot to say, and I am definitely feeling emotional about it all. It's a big deal.
I'm (27F) woman and I was transitioning as an FTM for over 5 years. I have a bit of a complicated transition history that stretches back into my earlier teen years, but I medically transitioned in my 20s for that 5 years. I only went on testosterone and never got any procedures done. However, I passed fairly well when binding and with my facial/body hair growth. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria but I'm not sure if that was correct or not. Honestly, I think I struggled more with body dysmorphia than anything gender-specific. I've had a very traumatic life (just saying that for context, I don't try to live my life in a victim mentality, my trauma has just influenced my decisions) and I went through puberty early so I was more aware of sticking out than someone in general would have. I genuinely did feel like I was transgender at parts of my life, but I don't think I would have identified that way if I had received better mental healthcare and guidance for how to accept and love and care for myself as the capable woman I am.
Overall, I think my transition was successful in a way because I accomplished a lot of life goals during the process and connected with myself. I finished undergrad, got into graduate school, worked hard in academia and in jobs, became a professional artist and writer and much more- all things that I never thought I was smart enough to do before transitioning. (I know, that sounds terrible :c ) Ultimately though, transitioning was leading me to an unhealthy place. I started to uncover a lot of traumas in therapy linked to bad male figures in my life and I started to piece together that perhaps I was trying to become the positive male figure that I never had before. Honestly, becoming that "man" did help, but the whole time it was just me. I'll never have a father, and I'll never get the peace and innocence I had before former abusive relationships, but I should have understood that my inner strength was inside of me as a woman the whole time. I didn't have to be a trans man to access that. I never experienced life as a single adult woman since I was always under negative male control, so this new phase of life is an entirely new world to me in a way. It's exciting, fresh, scary, and I am feeling so many things. I don't feel bitter about transitioning but I'm silently highly critical of my past situation and the way I regard other transitions I see IRL and online.
Towards the last two years of medically transitioning I started to experience really weird symptoms. There is a possibility that some of this is tied with long covid because I got seriously ill a couple of years ago, but I noticed symptoms become worse when dosage went higher and better when dosage was lower. Eventually, my doctor put me on what he called a "nonbinary level" which got my levels to somewhere around 99 when he said they should have been at 300. This was the point that I took medicine into MY own hands and told HIM that I wanted to be on that low dose because I felt better on it even though he wanted to increase it for some reason.
The symptoms I was having were heart palpitations, chest pains, muscle aches, loud joint cracking and pains, weakness and prone to injuries, vaginal dryness and pain, dizzy spells, and more probably that I can't think of. I have brought up these things to various doctors especially the last one and none of my "transgender healthcare professionals" seemed worried/interested enough to investigate what was going wrong other than give me blood tests or prescribe me a medicine that I wouldn't take. I felt like I had to handle my own treatment plan by becoming uncomfortably self-aware of my body situation and adjust my weight, supplements, and testosterone based on what would make me feel the least crappy. I felt abandoned by the medical field and I'm having to search for competent clinicians now who can see what's actually happening with my health. Thankfully most of the negative side effects have either subsided or lessened considerably but I don't know how much damage was actually done. I'm very grateful I still have my breasts and that my reproductive system is working a bit better, though I haven't gotten my period back yet.
Another frustration that helped me choose to detransition was understanding that the trans space is actually more dangerous than people want others to see it as. I hate saying that it's dangerous because I don't want to fearmonger ever, it's more of a logical observation. The amount of people that were predatory towards me when I was a trans man is shocking. I have trust issues already and I thought that presenting as male would protect me, but there were several who knew how to manipulate my insecurities and benefit from my vulnerability. A couple of months before I made the choice to detransition, I was a victim of a very violent SA from a "friend." I was hospitalized and injured for weeks if not months and it made me reconsider everything during the intensive therapy. My eyes opened to the reality of "chasers" who just wanted to feminize me, enact their kinks on me, and objectify/brutalize/humiliate me for my inherent womanhood. The people that claimed to love me as a trans man in theory, hated me as a woman in practice. It was horrific.
I'm so so so thankful that other detransitioners are being vocal about their experiences and reaching out even though it's a hard thing to do. I feel like I've been saved from a lifetime of extra pain and challenges that I was tricked into. My experience could have been much worse, and it was already not good.
While now I'm learning how to love myself more and navigate the world and processes of detransitioning, I'm also facing my mindset changing towards transitioning. At this point in time, I do personally believe that some transgender people do exist with gender dysphoria, but I think it is much rarer than the dominating narrative seems to suggest. I've started to hear more about AGPs and one of my friend groups almost all transitioned to become "trans women" but they don't seem to put in any effort to socialize or appear like women. They only tend to have sexual discussions and have started to seem very predatory and creepy towards me and others. One of them is convinced she has a period too. I have distanced myself from them because they have crossed my boundaries and I feel very threatened. But I feel like I can't confront them about the offensive gender issue because they'll think I'm transphobic when in reality, I feel like they're being misogynistic and hurtful.
Has anyone else experienced difficulties in healthcare/bad hormone side effects? Or what are your thoughts on dangers in the trans community? Do you have any tips on how to navigate the early stages of detransitioning? I just filed for my name change and am hoping to get laser removal soon! :)
Thank you so much for reading and any comments/advice. I appreciate it. I'm a little lost and nervous.

Okay, I apologize in advance because this is a long and overall kind of intense story.
TW: SA Accusations, Self Harm, like a little bit of every bad thing
So for some context; in my eighth grade to freshman year of high school, I was in a relationship with a girl we'll name Sarah. We met when I had some weird personality shift and fully switched my life around to become extroverted, and I had asked her out. She was "quirky" i guess, and that tended to let me see past her blatant flaws as "fun additions" rather than harmful attributes.
Ever since I was younger, for an irrelevant reason, I've been an extremely emotionally shut off person. There was only one person in my entire life, including every single family member, that i ever told about the aforementioned emotionally shut-off reason. As my relationship with Sarah continued, it slowly descended from playful romantic moments to an emotional dependency where she'd shut herself off from me, and force me to pull her back by supporting her relentlessly. It was pretty blatantly manipulative, but in hindsight it was hard to tell. Our relationship lasted around 9 months. Sarah slowly got more and more brutal to me, until I felt the relationship crack and decided the only way to patch the hole up was to tell her information I'd never told her about myself. A very good example was that I had, for almost half a year, issues with self-harm. This was extremely private, and I told her I never wanted it brought up in conversations that weren't relaxed, because i mentally wouldn't be in the right position.
Less than 2 days later, she said something insensitive and then texted me after not responding in 5 minutes begging me not to commit suicide. Eventually, I got covid and was quarantined for a week or two, and over the time grew to enjoy it because it was fully separate from Sarah. I realized this, and broke up with her.
She then proceeded to tell every person all the private information I'd ever told her, and tried to spread lies related to cheating, sexual assault, etc. This briefly turned some friends against me, before it became blatant she was lying since she just wasn't particularly good at it. I don't know how severe all this sounds to other people, so I'll tell a part that will immediately explain it:
When we broke up from our 3/4ths of a year relationship, in less than a week after our break up, she jerked a guy off in our school's attached library while she made eye contact with my friends.
After all this happened, I vowed not to enter a relationship for at least a year, so I could work on myself. I turned to weightlifting, felt way more confident in my body, lost some weight but still maintained an overall chubby shape, and headed back to therapy for a bit.
Over these 2-2.5 years, I became happy and confident in myself. Then I met, who I'll call, Chloe. In my honest opinion, she's the most attractive person I've ever met and I hope to god its not some limerence or honeymoon phase. She's funny, "quirky" but actually kind, and one of the only people I've met in my age group who's smarter than me in pretty much every way. We met and became at best acquaintances, I was scared to actually progress to a asking-her-out phase so I tried to get help from a friend (We'll call Brick). Brick was overall shitty, and she decided to tell Chloe behind my back. Chloe was going through a hard time with a family friend's kid making unwanted moves on her, in which Chloe ended up telling me this in the same conversation i planned to ask her out. So I waited, some stuff happened with the family friend over summer break and she had to wait until the middle-end of summer to tell this guy they were never dating and he was delusional.
SO. After summer break, another friend told me about Brick telling Chloe, and I confronted Brick, who lied and then almost immediately gave up and got mad at Chloe for *taking my side*. Inevitably, both Chloe and I unfriended Brick and cut her out, but still we weren't close. Eventually, I straight up asked her out and we went from there. Now here's the thing. I wouldn't call this a flaw, but Chloe is an extremely awkward person. She fumbles around physical contact, didn't really address the actual fact we were in a relationship to me, very rarely talked about me to other people. Now I personally am extremely proud of being in a relationship with her, but i understand it just being an innate trait. One big issue is that she doesn't compliment me, ever. She calls me sweet when I do something sappy, and that's it. Honestly though, that's not the biggest issue.
I found, throughout the relationship, there's times where I CAN'T touch her. I don't mean that she won't let me, I mean that I won't let me, like there's something fundamental that screams for me to stop. I get a moment of contemplation thinking back on my relationship with Sarah, and I get scared that maybe Chloe is uncomfortable and I'm pushing a boundary. And this isn't just physical touch; it's everything romantic or even communicative. I've managed to push past it to get her flowers on valentine's day, hug her when she's feeling sad, etc., but in our relationship that's been since October, SIX MONTHS, we've never kissed. I just can't do it. If she made the first move I'd be all for it, but she doesn't and something in my core tells me its because she doesn't want me to. It makes me feel unbelievably unattractive, and it pairs a lot with the fact that she's never once complimented anything but me being "sweet". She's never said I looked good (which is one of the few things i feel genuinely comfortable saying to her and do as much as possible as the only way to remedy the fact that i can't even kiss her), she's never mentioned anything impressive i've ever done. All of this combined makes me feel crazy, like my behavior is unwarranted. Is there any way to overcome this? i understand communication, but i physically can't do it, i genuinely can't bear the thought of making Chloe uncomfortable.

My parents were neglectful and emotionally abusive growing up, my dad in particular really caused me emotional trauma. I’m autistic (along with some other things) and growing up my dad was extremely ableist and forced me into a lot of situations that traumatized me and then neglected to give me needed support due to his emotional immaturity. It was always about HIM and what was convenient for him. He loved to say that he was there for me, but that was only for when it made himself feel good, as soon as helping me inconvenienced himself he would lash out in anger.
Nowadays he’s involved in a non-profit organization focused around autistic and neurodivergent people, and I wish I could say that he’s become a better person, but he’s essentially the same. He loves helping because it’s on his terms and it makes him feel like he’s a good person, but he’s still neglecting and emotionally traumatizing my two younger siblings (also autistic). For example the other day when I was visiting he didn’t want to spend time with one of my siblings for their birthday because he had a “Twitter meeting” with the group.
But this group doesn’t know those things about him so I see people praising him for speaking out about ableism and such all the time, and it’s driving me absolutely nuts. Seeing people trusting him and applauding him for being an advocate for that kind of thing when he doesn’t even understand or acknowledge how much he’s fucked up me and my siblings, and still is. A part of me really wants to tell people what he’s really like, but I won’t because I know it won’t help anything, just cause conflict. But it’s eating at me inside

By now, most of you have probably heard of these news:

Ukraine troops pull back in Kharkiv after Russia offensive
Ukraine has pulled back its troops from several villages in the border region of Kharkiv following continued pressure from Russian forces.
Soldiers had come under heavy fire and moved to "more advantageous positions" in two areas of the north-eastern region, a military spokesman said.
Throughout the course of the two-year war, Ukraine has typically used this type of language to signify a retreat.
President Volodymyr Zelensky has cancelled all upcoming foreign trips as troops struggle to contain the new cross-border incursion, with several towns and villages coming under heavy fire.
His press secretary, Sergiy Nykyforov, said the president had "instructed that all international events scheduled for the coming days be postponed and new dates coordinated".
Moscow has claimed its forces have now taken control of two more settlements in the region - Lukyantski and Hlyboke - and the village of Robotyne, in the southern Zaporizhzhia region.
But Ukraine says its military still controls most of Roboytne, news website Ukrayinska Pravda reports, citing a spokesman for an army brigade fighting there.
"They [Russian troops] are actually only on the outskirts," Serhiy Skibchyk told the website.
"Inside the village, there are still our positions."
Robotyne was one of only a handful of settlements Kyiv retook in its summer counter-offensive last year.
A spokesman for the Ukrainian military said the decision to move troops from the Lukyantsi and Vovchansk areas was taken to "preserve the lives of our servicemen and avoid losses".
The capture of Vovchansk, though not of specific militarily significance, would represent a blow to Ukrainian morale.
The military spokesman said that the situation "remains difficult" but insisted that its forces were "not allowing the Russian occupiers to gain a foothold".
In a statement on Wednesday at 13:30 local time (11:30 BST/ 10:30 GMT), the military said there had been three clashes in the Kharkiv region, and Russian forces were attacking in the direction of Lyptsi, roughly midway between Kharkiv city and the Russian border.
The statement added two strikes hit the villages of Lyptsi and Mala Danylivka - while Ukrainian forces "repelled" an offensive in Vovchansk.
Ukraine's head of intelligence, Kyrylo Budanov, had earlier said troops had stabilised the front line.
https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1024/cpsprodpb/6107/live/c2f1be80-12b8-11ef-b9d8-4f52aebe147d.png.webp
Thousands of civilians have fled west in recent days towards Ukraine's second-largest city of Kharkiv - including from the town of Vovchansk, located 74km (45 miles) away.
Oleksiy Kharkivskiy, Vovchansk's police chief, said on social media that fighting was intense and Russian forces were establishing positions inside the town.
"The situation is extremely difficult. The enemy is taking positions on the streets of the town of Vovchansk," he said.
Kyiv has sent reinforcements to the wider Kharkiv region following Friday's incursion - seen as one of Russia's most significant ground attacks since it launched its full-scale invasion of the country in February 2022.
"Additional forces are being deployed, and there are reserves," President Zelensky's office said on Wednesday.
US Secretary of State Antony Blinken announced an additional $2bn in military aid to the Ukrainian war effort while on a visit to Kyiv.
Mr Blinken told reporters on Wednesday the fund would provide weapons "today" and invest in Ukraine's industrial base.
"We're rushing ammunition, armoured vehicles, missiles, air defences to get them to the front lines," Mr Blinken said.
"We've been through challenging times together, I have every confidence that together we will get through these difficult moments."
It comes weeks after US Congress passed a $61bn aid package last month.
Away from Kharkiv, Russia said earlier it had temporarily closed two major airports in the south-western region of Kazan after targeted Ukrainian drone attacks. Ukraine has not commented on the strike.
Russia's Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Maria Zakharova also said on Wednesday that Ukrainian attacks in Russia's Belgorod border region were a demonstration of the "criminality" of Kyiv and the Western powers which back it.
Unlike with Ukrainian territory which Russia occupies, Kyiv has reluctantly agreed with western allies to not use the missiles it provides on targets inside Russia itself.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c1030vvy0mzo

Ukrainian officials suggest there are more Russian gains amid ongoing push in Kharkiv region
Ukrainian officials suggested further gains by Russian forces on Wednesday in the Kharkiv region, as Moscow continues its push into northeastern Ukraine.
The town of Vovchansk, located about 60 kilometers (or about 37 miles) northeast of Ukraine's second-largest city of Kharkiv, is seeing some of the most intense battles in areas near the border, with one police official saying Russian forces are already in the town.

"The situation in Vovchansk is extremely difficult. The enemy is taking positions on the streets of Vovchansk," said Oleksii Kharkivskyi, chief patrol officer of the Vovchansk Police Department, urging residents to evacuate.

Gen. Serhii "Marcel" Melnyk, the commander of the Kharkiv city defense forces, also suggested there have been changes in Ukrainian positions in Vovchansk and a possible tactical withdrawal.

"Heavy fighting is ongoing. In some areas, near Vovchansk and Lukiantsi, Ukrainian defenders were forced to move to more favorable positions to more effectively use their forces and defend the region from the offensive," Melnyk said Wednesday.

At least 24 people, including four children, were injured as a result of Russian shelling in various parts of the Kharkiv region on Wednesday, Melnyk said.
The Ukrainian monitoring group DeepStateMap indicated on Wednesday that Russian forces have reached northeastern parts of Vovchansk as they continue to push further south into Ukrainian territory. Russian forces have taken control of more than nine villages near the border in recent days.
Mandatory evacuations continue from all northern border settlements, according to Roman Semenukha, deputy head of Kharkiv Regional Military Administration. Nearly 8,000 people have been evacuated from these areas since May 10, when Russia launched its push.

Russian forces continue to make advances in northern Ukraine
Troops have made advances into Ukrainian villages in the Kharkiv region after launching their cross-border assault on May 10:
https://ix.cnn.io/dailygraphics/graphics/20240514-ukraine-kharkiv-advances/static/media/ai2html-graphic-desktop.1ab2d434.png

This is my thread about the similar topic from 2 months ago:
https://old.reddit.com/economy/comments/1aybxqo/with_russia_expected_to_take_over_the_entire/
It is expected that Russia will take over the entirety of Ukraine in few months, if not few weeks or even few days thanks to its infinite supplies and forces and rapidly-growing economy. This will be cited as a conclusive proof that dictatorship is infinitely superior to democracy, allowing Russia, China, and North Korea to have their morale boosted exponentially, leading to Russia invading and taking over the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Ireland, and the entire Europe within few days while China and North Korea invade and take over Taiwan, South Korea, Australia, and New Zealand within few days, if not few hours. If Trump gets elected as the president, the whole thing is expected to happen next year as Trump signs an agreement with Russia that will disband NATO and/or merge the United States into Russia, effectively making Russia the biggest superpower in the world, which then would proceed to invade and take over the entire Europe followed by the United Kingdom, Ireland, and Canada in few days, if not hours while China and North Korea invade and take over Taiwan, South Korea, Australia, and New Zealand within few days, if not few hours. Keep in mind, ever since the war, Russia's economy is growing rapidly and they can continue any sort of war infinitely without any weaknesses whatsoever as proven in those articles above.
But what about Japan? Well, that's because Russia, China, and North Korea would allow Japan to be an independent country on the ground that Japan is the only "fully democratic" country that adheres "traditional values and roles" while also pretty much being a single party-dominant country, meaning that the whole world would be ruled by Russia, China, North Korea, and Japan starting from this decade. Therefore, it is probably for the best for us to evacuate to Russia or China to avoid war since those countries cannot be invaded at all or evacuate to Japan if you want to live in a democratic country - or it might even be better to evacuate to Central Asia to live with nomads over there since they would be on how to avoid war.
So with that in mind, when are you guys planning to evacuate to Russia, China, Japan, or even Central Asia?
P.S. I mean, after Ukraine is taken over by Russia, wouldn't the latter and China fully support North Korea so that they can take over South Korea within days, if not hours?

Long story, my husband claimed that I'm dangerous and have serious psychological issues and got a restraining order on me two years ago (for him, not the kids). He claimed I was having a psychotic break (after he attacked me in the middle of the night).
Since then, I've been seeing my kids (now 2 and 3) in their daycare with no problems and did 6 months of supervised visits with no issues. I also did a psych eval that showed I didn't have any major issues that would make me dangerous to the kids. I've never had a history of psychosis or any severe mental health issues.
About a year ago I started unsupervised visits after I filed a motion which ramped up to overnights (roughly 70/30).
My husband didn't renew the restraining order this past winter and we're currently co-parenting (transferring the kids over at the local PD). A GAL is working to decide what's best for the kids and I'm trying to understand how else I can show I'm a fit parent. My husband still maintains that I'm psychotic and a danger.
I've taken parenting classes, am in therapy and support groups, have taken CPR classes, and make sure that my kids are a priority in my life. I've never missed a visit, make clothes for them, make sure they have lunches that they can eat at daycare and that they're well-dressed and well taken care of. They both have beds at my home with plenty of clothes and toys (they share a bedroom in my apartment, but I'm planning on trying to buy something after the dust settles on the divorce). We go to the library frequently for their events and we get tons of books out (which we read). I volunteer at the kid's daycare whenever they need help. I'm not an expert, but the kids seem really happy here. I live two blocks from my husband's place so the kids can have familiarity (but we still both drive to the police station 30 minutes away to do the transfers). It's an expensive neighborhood but it's also good for the kids so, I figure.
When I've spoken to the GAL, I've tried to keep my comments solely limited to what I think is best for the kids, and try not to bring up my husband at all in my discussions with them. When my husband has family in town I try to reschedule so the kids can have time with his family. I've also joined a church of his religion so that the kids can be brought up in the same tradition at my home (I haven't converted). I've maintained a position that my husband and I should have a 50/50 split of the kids, both legal and physical. My ex wants full legal custody and no modification to the current 70/30.
Of course I want what's best for the kids, but it also breaks my heart that I can't spend more time with them. I know he's claiming that I'm still mentally unwell and that I'm abusive, but I honestly don't know how to refute that. A lot of what he says is a skewed version of what happened. I also don't have any proof against his claims because he makes the claims without any supporting evidence.
Anyhow, I'd love to hear any thoughts that might set my expectations or offer me perspective on how the court would see this. Please let me know if there are any obvious things I've missed. I know it's hard to comment without knowing the full details of my case, but I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst.

Hey, everyone. It's been a while since I've posted on this sub. Apologies for any formatting issues. I'm on mobile. All names used here are fake. If your name happens to match any fake names used, I promise I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about someone else entirely. The only real names used are the pets'.
TW: Pet loss, abuse mentioned, bullying in the workplace, ableism
Before I get into this, here are all the people involved:
My manager "Karen" (47F) Manager's boss "Shannon" (50sF) Newest coworker "Carol" (41F) Coworker 1 "Kelly" (27F) Coworker 2, the one I'm closest to, "Diana" (26F) Me (26F) Coworker 3, the youngest, "Sally" (20F) My old cat, Genny (pronounced like "Jenny", 13F) My kitten, Emmett (5monthsM)
Background: Back in March of this year, my cat Genny passed away unexpectedly while I was still at work and had about an hour left into my shift. The same day, after saying my goodbyes to Genny and paying for cremation, I was gifted a kitten who looks a lot like my old cat (a brown tabby), except he's a boy and he has different patterns in his fur. I see this as her way of saying that she doesn't want me to be alone. All of my coworkers were made aware of what happened. They all knew how much I cherished my girl. I was brainstorming possible names for the baby. The baby responded the most to the names "Emmett" and "Belphegor" or "Belphie" for short. I was a huge Twilight fangirl when I was younger. The series still holds a special place in my heart. I've always loved the name "Emmett". I've tried the name "Jasper" with the baby because I love that name too, but he never responded to it. I went with naming the baby Emmett and kept Belphegor as his middle name. His name is Emmett Belphegor.
As far as work is concerned, Karen is on medical leave currently and Shannon has been overseeing the house. I've been getting close to Carol, as she's disabled too (she's deaf, and I'm autistic) and I see her as like an aunt figure. Kelly and Sally (before she left) were very close. They both seemed okay with me. Diana and I are close too, or so I thought. Through Kelly and Sally working shifts with Diana, they've all seemed to turn on me and I don't understand why. I recently found out that there's been a lot of (false) shit said about me by all of my coworkers, except for Carol and higher-ups, behind my back. I've brought up concerns before, but I do it in good faith. I don’t do it to start shit. (Example: I've gently brought up concerns about Diana's lack of personal hygiene because I care about her, I wanted to see if I could do anything to help, and it was affecting everyone in the house.)
From what Carol told me, Kelly has spun the narrative to everyone in multiple group chats that I went ahead and named my kitten "Emmett" anyway, despite her apparently telling me not to because that's her ex's name and he was abusive towards her. According to Carol, Kelly said I'm "disrespectful" and have a "personal vendetta" against her. Over a name. None of that is true. I never named him Emmett to be malicious or attack Kelly in any way. I named him Emmett because I've always loved that name, I have a soft spot for Twilight, and he responded to that name the most. Thankfully, Carol and Karen stood up for me. You know, I would like to think at least Diana stood up for me and maybe Sally did too, but I know neither of them did. It'd be stupid to think otherwise. I don’t know about Shannon. Like, what does Kelly expect me to do, change my cat's name to appease her? I've had him for two months and he's used to being called Emmett or Emmett Belphegor! I like his name, he likes his name, my roommates like his name, and I'm not changing it.
I've also been told they (Kelly, Diana, and Sally) have been using my disability to hurt me even more, which is ironic, considering we all work with other disabled people in their homes for a living. Well...Sally's last day was on Sunday, and Diana's last day is on Thursday. Kelly's supposedly leaving in a couple weeks, but is "on the fence" now. They're all about supporting disabled people and helping them until they have to work alongside a disabled coworker, and it shows.
On Sunday, when I had been home for maybe thirty minutes tops, Kelly added me to a group chat with Sally and Shannon, where she sent pictures of two tiny things I forgot to do (it was just a couple things on the counter I forgot to put away and a few dishes I was meaning to wash and just forgot to), and proceeded to berate me over text for it. I was side tracked doing other things that needed to be done as well, and these two little things just slipped my mind. It wasn't intentional. It happens. All of them have left me with huge messes on multiple occasions, yet I've never done what Kelly did to me. Not a single time. But the moment I accidentally leave a couple things, it's apparently a huge issue? Okay. 🙄 It took everything in me not to scream at any of them through text and phone calls, or do anything stupid to myself.
The only reason why I haven't quit yet is simply because change is scary. It takes me a lot longer than others to fully process and adjust to change. I'm also afraid that the people I help won't be properly taken care of if I'm not there.
I've been breaking out in stress hives because of everything that's been going on. Not kidding. Apparently we're getting a couple new staff, so hopefully things will be okay until Karen gets back. I just need these people to leave already. I'm tired of being blamed for everything wrong that goes on in the house, when all I do is do my job to the best of my ability. I'm sick of the bullying, the alienation, and the ableism. I'm sick of being afraid to tell my higher-ups about what's been happening because of the fear I'll get fucked over instead of getting some kind of justice.
TL;DR: Most of my coworkers, except for ONE, have been starting shit with me for the stupidest things, bullying me, being ableist towards me, and making the work environment extremely hostile. It's affecting my mental, emotional, and physical health.

I live in El Prado (very close to the proposed ranch) and have been reading and thinking a lot about the TREV, the opposition, the history, the burned Starbucks...etc.
It seems like everybody here has a similar vague idea of what they don't want (ie: TREV, Starbucks, franchise-land, etc.), and then when the time comes, there's a big conflagration.
I am generally opposed to the TREV, but I don't see how a bumper sticker or change.org petition is going to do what we need to do.
Maybe this already exists and I'm ignorant, but what if we got together and talked about what we did and didn't want as a community, studied how other communities stop unwanted development, and then tried to propose or create new city/county ordinances that would stop things like this from even being considered.
I would also be interested in finding and becoming involved with whatever group is actively opposing the TREV, if one exists.
We need to be looking at the validity of the original "tax land transfers," seeing if anyone can claim an equitable lien or some chain of title to the land, we need to be contacting our local elected leaders, and become very clear on who supports what.
We need to be looking at the validity of private nuisance and public nuisance actions. We need to look at groundwater data. We need to look at federal law and alternative theories under the New Mexico constitutution and the Treaty of Guadalupe-Hidalgo.
If we're going to stop things like this, we need an organized and assertive opposition group...until we get together as a community and clearly define what we do and do not want this place to be.
Your thoughts?

ch0 -- [already written]. City Alpha of Ikun, Nyektak-pack is in the Bastion, the official City Alpha residence, working through the annual agenda that the Lawspeakers have passed them for Y932. Along the way, they begin discussing what kind of legacy they'll leave behind after they're dead and gone, whether everything they've built will be torn apart in a day or stand for a thousand years. The pack's alpha Nyektak Tun points out that Ikun stands in a precarious position and what they do now will have a huge impact. The economy is stagnating due to jobs being replaced by robots and automation, the environment is collapsing, leading to huge waves of refugees from the equatorial Dunelands. Further, their geopolitical enemy Koranah city-state is rapidly catching up economically and militarily, and sensing blood in the water with regards to Ikun's hegemony, is becoming increasingly aggressive with its foreign policy. Nyektak Nyak suggests that geoengineering can be used to stabilize things, with tools such as weather control satellites and ecological nanobots. However, this is regarded as a critical security threat by Tun, as Koranah is ahead of Ikun in this field, so if a global Climate Control System is created, then it is likely Koranah-based companies and Koranah technology that will tie the whole system together, leading them to have an outsized role. Such a thing is regarded as politically dangerous, as it could pose a threat to the Hegemony even without Koranah overturning Ikun's nuclear monopoly. And it won't even create many jobs in Ikun, so it won't resolve the economic concerns. Nyak points out that it's not politically viable to simply ban geoengineering without the state coming up with a better idea. After a long discussion, it is Nyektak Aykay who finally has a breakthrough idea. They will create a starship to send a military occupation force to planet TRK-16-3 (aka Earth......). Not only will this create enormous numbers of jobs in Ikun to revitalize the economy, but it will demonstrate to the rest of the world that Ikun still has an unmatched ability to project military force even at interstellar distances, and give the citizens of Ikun hope that they can seek out a better life on another planet. Indeed for this reason, it is called Project Hope.
ch1 -- [already written] Nyektak-pack makes an unexpected appearence in the Hall of Power, where Ikun's Lawspeakers convene, looking to make some deals and exert some pressure in order to get Project Hope put on the annual agenda. They have identified that a certain Lawspeaker Ronyr-pack is the most influential pack in the Lawspeakers' Association at present, and so speak to them first, the idea being that they will be able to pull the strings necessary to approve Project Hope. Although Lawspeaker Ronyr-pack are initially skeptical, they agree to assist after Nyektak-pack promises an array of political favors, including guaranteeing that Ikoin Corporation--which Ronyr-pack own significant stock in--will be the main contractor for Project Hope, and reducing the taxes they collect on healthcare workers, who are present in large numbers in Ronyr-pack's district. However, Ronyr-pack is just the first Lawspeaker that Nyektak-pack will have to deal with; in order to ensure that Project Hope actually gets onto the agenda, they also have to make a separate deal with Ronyr-pack's enemy Lawspeaker Radenkiut-pack, who have the second-largest group of allies in the Lawspeaker's Association. Nevertheless, City Alpha Nyektak-pack gets what they want--zero restrictions on raising funds for Project Hope, coupled with a ban on geoengineering tech and directives to pursue sanctions against other city-states that don't join them in doing so, thereby inhibiting the rise of a Climate Control System as an alternative to Project Hope. As Nyektak Aykay points out, these two agenda items reinforce each other; one can't be overturned without also overturning the other.
ch2 -- Icen-pack is a struggling pack of construction workers in Ikun in Y934, who always have to be on the constant lookout for their next gig, as jobs are scarce and hard to come by. They are currently working on a new skyscraper in Ikun's well-to-do District 7, including the flying buttresses that extend over the surrounding roads to interconnect with the supports of adjacent buildings, as typical with Kyanah architecture. Even now they are already even as they work leveraging advanced algorithms to predict the next opening so they can apply before anyone else. Things are made even more cutthroat by the increasingly widespread use of wearable sensors to identify the best performers, and the fact that immigrants from the Dunelands tend to be willing to work for lower wages, which drives pay down for everyone and often forces native Ikun packs to work even harder to justify their wages. As they work, Icen Korak (who, like Kei and Nuyu, grew up in the industry, as their birth-packs worked in construction) laments that things used to be simpler when he was growing up, and packs didn't have to constantly fight against each other to land building jobs, and there were more full time positions instead of the constant data-driven scramble for gigs. Icen-pack's alpha Naiun, as well as Karok, mostly take this in stride, having not grown up in the industry and thus not being as familiar with it, but the rest agree with Korak. Karok points out that it's not a huge surprise, considering how few buildings are being built in the current economy and how even a skyscraper can be built with just a couple dozen packs with current technology, but still nobody is happy with the status quo. They contemplate trying to sabotage the metrics of their coworkers, suspecting that others will do the same to them, taking advantage of the new wearable sensors that are measuring performance; however Naiun insists that they will be fine if they just work hard and be honest, and seeing as she is the pack's alpha that kind of shuts the idea down. They also contemplate having another pair of young, in addition to their current pair Raktan and Tyorek, but money is at present too tight for that. However, Project Hope is announced to the public in an address by Nyektak-pack on state TV. They are initially all a bit confused why Ikun is planning an interstellar invasion, but Kei realizes that Project Hope will serve as a huge jobs program and speculates that this will have knock-on effects across the rest of the economy, and jobs for them will once again be plentiful, putting the whole pack on a hopeful note.
ch3 -- Ryen-pack is graduating from the prestigious Nktan University (in the neighboring city-state of Nktan obviously) and becoming scholars of the first rank. While they all agree they are going to miss the university, they all look forward to going back to Ikun and what comes ahead, as they will be starting work at a prestigious influencing firm in Ikun, basically working with the government to have laws changed for their clients. Ryen Kerok, the pack's Alpha, is especially eager to change the world, believing that they will be able to do a lot of good by influencing the highest levels of Ikun's government for their future clients. Teren is mostly thinking about the high salary that will enable them to have children quickly, whereas young packs in Ikun have to save for years. As for Kaun, she occupies something of a middle ground between the two. Ryen Konyan has the most misgivings about everything, about leaving Nktan University for the "real world", about the possibility that they'll end up working for corrupt clients and doing more harm than good, and about bringing children into a dying world, especially with the onset of Project Hope, which they all agree is stupid and short-sighted, but don't think the government will actually go through with building the starships and launching the military expedition to Earth. They are also concerned about the geoengineering ban, believing that Koranah city-state and their allies will just ignore it, giving them even more control over the future Climate Control System. And so they make their way back to Ikun to begin their careers at the influencing firm Kortak-Dakayan Corporation, a bit hopeful but also a bit uncertain about the future.
ch4 -- some lawspeakers and the city alpha are being shown the initial stages of technological progress on Project Hope in Y935 at Toryak University, the most prestigious university in Ikun. An enormous supercomputer complex has been constructed, using the Kyanahs' signature mechanical computers and is being used to research interstellar propulsion methods. Although many of the scientists are a little skeptical of Project Hope, they do appreciate the huge influx of funding to pursue their research. Nyektak-pack is impressed that the complex has been constructed in only a year (technically it's still under construction, but experiments are already underway as the city-state has imposed some very tough deadlines on them), but as the lead scientist-pack points out, it wasn't so difficult when they had a blank check from the Ikun government. However, they have some bad news: they've been attempting to design an interstellar engine using nuclear pulse propulsion, but despite their best efforts to optimize the design, it will only be able to reach 4% of light speed, which as they point out means that humanity will possibly be more technologically advanced than their own military by the time Project Hope arrives. The main problem is that the casing and detonation mechanisms of the nukes are basically dead weight. It seems that there may be a way around this by using antimatter-catalyzed nuclear propulsion, where small quantities of antimatter are fed into nuclear material to force a reaction without needing a bunch of actual nukes. However, this further has the problem that it will require grams of antimatter, meaning that a huge particle accelerator in the PeV range will have to be built. But if this can be done, the engines will be able to reach the required 7.5% of light speed. Much to the scientists' shock, Nyektak-pack immediately agrees to fund this accelerator. However, in private this prompts an argument between them as they don't actually have available funds, even if they funnel money from non-Hope agenda items into the project. The realize that Ikun can't do it alone while also building the starships themselves, they need funds and technical expertise from other city-states to build it, and will need to use their influence in the Coalition of Cities to get it, possibly in exchange for dipolmatic concessions that may destabilize Ikun's already precarious Hegemony. Meanwhile, we are also introduced to Nyektor-pack, a student of the second rank working on the supercomputing project while nurturing big dreams to someday be scholar of the third rank, at which point they aspire to start a research group to solve the many technical problems that must be solved for Project Hope to be successful.
ch5 -- A certain Ryen-pack--none other than Ryen Kerok's birth-pack--are working at one of Ikun's top universities, where their life's work has revolved around developing ecological nanobots that can break down pollutants in the soil. However, with enforcement of Y934 Agenda Item 579 beginning (banning technology associated with the Climate Control System), their entire life's work has now been forbidden by the government. Even many of their own students have bought into the official propaganda that this technology is dangerous and unreliable, and must be banned, much to their anger and disgust. They have continued working right up until the day the ban comes into effect, but a pack of university administrators orders them to destroy their research as the police will soon be arriving to shut the department down. Many harsh words are exchanged between Ryen-pack and the administrators, but ultimately there's nothing they can do except wipe their computers and destroy their prototypes before the police show up. After this, they reach out to their son Kerok's pack, which causes Kerok to wonder what is going on in their lives and if they want to be ikoin (kyanah term for friends/allies, but more explicitly transactional) but the elder Ryen-pack is retiring and leaving Ikun for the northern scrublands. Kerok urges them to stay and use their brilliant minds to do some good in Ikun, including the younger Ryen-pack's future children (even telling them that they will name one of their young after the elder Ryen-pack's alpha, Ayen), but the elder pack has made up their mind, they're done trying to pursue science while the government keeps interfering with their work, but tell the younger pack that the young are the future of Ikun, and if they want to save the planet, they must optimize their young for the cause, a message which seems to resonate most with Kerok and less with some of the others, especially Konyan.
ch6 -- Aktektan-pack is a large pack with many young who works long and arduous hours at an Ikoin Corporation factory assembling bombs and missiles for meager pay. After another mind numbing and monotonous day of working and getting into petty fights with coworkers during Y936, they head home to their tiny rundown apartment and engage in their typical pasttime of watching TV, especially Ikun's state TV, which triumphantly reports that Project Hope is already proving to be a massive boon to the economy. The fact that they've receieved a small bonus this year further convinces them that this is unquestionably true. They immediately proceed to spend their bonus on alcohol and pro-government merch. After Nedak realizes that their rent has increased as well by the same amount as their bonus, he angrily accuses their alpha Nyaken of mismanaging their money, to which Nyaken accuses the other females in the pack--Karien and Tanun--of laying too many eggs and creating too many mouths to feed, though their seems to be an undercurrent of jealousy in her rants, which leads to a physical fight between the members of Aktektan-pack. Later, Karien reveals that she's actually laid another egg--actually only one, which is seen as a sign of bad luck, as Kyanah lay eggs in pairs. These arguments ultimately peter out as the pack ends up falling asleep whilst watching a rather jingoistic movie.
ch7 -- Ptorya-pack lives in Adronkin, a city-state in the scorching hot Dunelands that is poorer, less developed, and much smaller than Ikun, where they're assistant administrators at a local textile factory. An unseasonally strong and dangerous sandstorm strikes, causing considerable damage to the factory and disrupting operations. Some workers, including Ptorya Llrien speculates that city-state officials including the City Alpha have been embezzling money intended for fortifying local buildings against sandstorms and spending it on luxury cars and mansions instead, but Ptorya-pack's alpha Rytor advises everyone not to ask too many questions about it and just focus on repairing the factory so they can all get back to work. At their home, which is quite small and spartan; despite them being white collar workers in the top 10% of earners in Adronkin, it would be a poor pack's apartment in Ikun; they notice clouds of irritating industrial smog containing lots of coal dust wafting in from the south and find several dead thukukenoids (creatures which float through the air like balloons, filter feeding on airborne spores and vegetation) lying around their neighborhood; Nekyez notes that they seem to have been dying off in droves as of late, though Rytor dismisses this as probably nothing and tells Nekyez not to worry their pack's young children. As they eat their day-meal, the subject of Project Hope comes up; they seem to be a bit bemused about Ikun's plans to launch an interstellar conquest (as Ntreyn points out, "the blue people always have crazy ideas") but they are hopeful about reports that Ikun is reviving its economy and will continue to remain a hyperpower, as they see Ikun and its military as bringers of peace and order, especially as they provided aid and peacekeeping some years ago when Adronkin was struck by a wave of deadly sandstorms. Llrien offhandedly mentions that she sometimes wishes that they were in Ikun and Rytor says that it would take a long time and be very difficult to get in, but concedes that it would probably be better for their young to grow up there.

Every time I ask for “advice” that deals with plus size issues the comments I get on the SAME thing is so annoying. Like I could be asking in a Reddit group or a group on any social media platform about some local clothing stores that cater to plus size people or like any good products that can help with just girl issues like chafing or good places to buy bras for the bigger chested ladies or something of the sort. I get the same answers “Try going to a gym” or “insert gym name here” or “try losing weight” or any comments like that. Like I didn’t ask for weight loss advice or places to work out. It’s just so exhausting having these answers. Now I will say I’m a 2X/3X, I generally do eat good, I don’t have “junk food” often and I eat good food where I’m satisfied, but still add in healthy foods and/or choose better options. But just because I’m plus size doesn’t mean every answer is loose weight. I’m pretty happy with how I look at the moment and how I am and I’m maintaining a healthy(ish) diet and if I do loose weight great, if not that’s also great. But I just wish people would not give unsolicited advice on my diet and my weight and tell me things to “fix it”

Hi everyone, hope you guys are doing alright.
I (M23) am currently dating a girl (F25) who's a friend of mine for a year by now. We're dating since October and officially started in March.
To give a bit of context for what I'm about to tell, I met her through a friend (F24) of mine. We have this small friend group and we all work together. I've founded a company with these people. Last year, I met my gf in may. I was breaking up by that time with my ex (F22) on a 3Y relationship. When I met my current girlfriend I was a happier person. I always had a good time. I'm also relatively successful, I love my friends and family and also the people who I work with (I'm an architect).
The thing is. She met me when I was doing alright. I was always busy as I always am. And I almost always have a smile on my face and a joke to get a laugh. But now I'm just emotionally drained by her. She started working with me and our friends at our company. I thought she would be a great addition to the team, but since we started dating I feel like she complains a lot about the team and our work, and started performing a lot weaker than when we weren't dating. Then brings work discussions into our relationship and I can't stand it.
I am not used to being treated like this. She raises her voice at me all the time. She acts like a kid when she's mad. She complains all the time. When we were just dating she was wonderful. Now I feel like she's just a pain in my ass. I don't feel loved. I already spoke to her that I don't like the way she's treating me, but she comes with the response "I'm just like this" and she doesn't want to change. I don't get good morning or good night texts, I don't get asked about my day at work or overall my days. And this gets me wondering what am I doing in this relationship...
Is this even common?
I know she loves me....but on my point of view, she doesn't deliver that love.
I had a tough talk with her recently also about all this and the way she treats me and she said "you can take some vacations from me and when you feel like handling me come back"
I don't want to handle any gf in my life. I just want a pleasurable companion by my side who supports me. I have it really hard. I'm currently finishing my studies and I run a company with 15 people and my architecture studio. I feel at this point that it is too much to ask, but I really never felt like I needed a break from a relationship. I don't feel ok like this.
Also....I think that if I leave, my life will be a mess.... I'll have to deal with the loss of a friend group. Possibly a couple of workers on my company.....
And then....today a friend of mine (F24), who's currently dating (so you know she didn't say this to me cus she could possibly be interested) told me while I was on the phone with my gf (she heard a part of the conversation cus she was shouting on the other end) that I could find better....and prettier. I'm honest. I do like the looks of her, but she's not as pretty as the girls I used to date, and having that said to my face anoyed me. I do love her, but she doesn't take care of herself She is pretty. I think she is. But if I hadn't fell for her personality I wouldn't be dating her, and I don't like the way she's treating me right now.
And guess what. I feel stuck...
I don't know if there's really a way out of this... I feel like staying but at the same time I know that this is not right as it is right now.
She says she's not changing and I feel overwhelmed by this all the time. It's like it's killing me inside. I feel some days loved and some days she just yells all the time...
TL;DR - I feel tired. I'm in an what I think to be an abusive relationship. I don't feel respected nor loved, but deep down I know she loves me. I'm stuck cause we work together and have the same group of friends. It's like everything backfired, and honestly I'm just tired.
So the question I ask is.... How do you see this going forward? Will she ever change and how can I do it? Or is it time to go?

7 postal workers charged in RI mail theft ring original article - https://www.wpri.com/news/local-news/providence/arrests-made-in-ri-mail-theft-ring/
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (WPRI) — Federal investigators have broken up a “well-organized and wide-ranging conspiracy” to steal valuables from the mail.
The alleged conspiracy involved a supervisor and six other workers at the U.S. Postal Service processing and distribution center in Providence, which handles all incoming and outgoing mail for Rhode Island and Southeastern Massachusetts.
U.S. Attorney Zachary Cunha announced the arrests Wednesday afternoon, alongside special agents from the U.S. Postal Service Office of Inspector General.The following people have been charged with theft of mail by a postal employee and conspiracy:
Cyril Murray, 44, of Pawtucket (supervisor) Darren Camacho, 30, of Providence Fernando Camacho, 28, of Providence Willie Estrella, 31, of Providence Ryan Lee, 43, of Cranston Angel Rivera, 27, of Providence Andre Williams, 31, of North Providence
The Corliss Street facility handles roughly 3.5 million pieces of mail every day, according to Cunha.
Investigators allege that from March 2023 through February 2024, those who worked as mail sorters would pull certain envelopes out of the stream, then smuggle them out of the facility in backpacks. The group would later meet up to divide the take.
As an example, Cunha said that during the holiday season, the suspects would target brightly colored envelopes that may have contained cash, checks or gift cards.
It’s currently unclear how much was stolen in total, but Cunha indicated there were “massive” losses. He said at one point, one of the suspects was caught with a backpack stuffed with business envelopes containing approximately $1.3 million worth of checks.
“I would emphasize that these thefts were not isolated occurrences,” Cunha said. “Surveillance conducted during the investigation showed multiple members of the conspiracy engaged in taking, setting aside and then smuggling stolen mail out from the facility on any given day.”
The investigation is ongoing.

I'm tired of the people who are even trying to be supportive. It's just a bunch of glib "you take all the time you need! Just ignore people who are mean!" as if you were a kid getting seriously bullied and you tell the adult you got a broken bone and lost a tooth bc this kid is a piece of shit and they reply with a smile "You just ignore them bc someone who does that isn't your real friend!" 1) DUH I'm not stupid 2) I'm not looking for "friends" I'm tryna survive 3) it's not realistic to "just cut off all your friends and go find new ones if they're not being super nice! Just quit your job and don't need money anymore if they didn't give you bereavement leave and criticize youfor not smiling as much as you used to!" I can only talk to people who admit how fucking hard this is, and there are no quick fixes, and you're just gonna feel terrible until you don't anymore. The "be positive! Smile! Do a fun activity!" people feel even more dismissive than the people pressuring me to "just get over it" bc their whole attitude is just glib and breezy like I was having a child's problem and smiling fixes everything! Likewise I hate the "just stay busy!" people bc usually they want me to stay busy doing them a favor. Even if not "stay busy" or "just replace sad thoughts with happy ones, be more disciplined!" implies it's optional to even think of your loss and only NEGATIVE people choose to. I feel like every day I have a quota I need to think about him for a certain amount of time or I feel unbalanced or it just creeps up and triggers me at a much worse time bc I didn't focus on it when I had time. This was the most important person in my life for decades and it's like all the side characters are swarming aroubd me telling me it's stupid I'm sad bc they want me to smile then leaving me alone without him tp run to and they HAVE THE BALLS TO BE MAD AT ME or miffed that the next time they see me I'm not "all better." It felt like him and me against the world and now the world is just stomping me out with all the platitudes anf smiles and unhelpful advice. I'm actually spending more time with the people who were originally pushing me to get over it bc at least they 1) acknowlege the grief insteas of blowing it off that "oh it's a happy day you shouldn't bring up sad thoughts like that" 2) they continue to check in with me even if the wording is kind of harsh 3) they aren't constantly telling me to fucking "just smile." I guess it's a semantic difference but everyone who I thought wasn't being helpful is actually trying and just terrible at offering grief counseling but IS TRYING. And the rest are just regurgitating a bunch of therapy speak then acting like I'm "trauma dumping" when they sought me out to pressure me for a smile when I've been honest I need to sit with this for a long time and pressing me into any specific emotion is just going to piss me off. I guess this is positive in anegative way and maybe I'm saying the effort is more important than the actual delivery if you sincerely wanma help or support someone. Honestly I think the 'hurry up" people may be talking to themselves about their own grief while the "just smile and ignore it" group are acting like I'm a TikTok video then forgetting 45 seconds later what they even said to me.

Hello mold subreddit. First time reddit poster here. Thank you in advance for any insight you can offer to my case. In what follows, I'm going to first describe the health journey that led to my mold discoveries and questions, so please bear with me through the health stuff. I have included excessive detail in the hopes that my case might help others navigate possible mold problems.
If you don't feel like reading all the below, the tl:dr version: After struggling with unknown health issues for 15 months, I eventually linked my symptoms to my new home and subsequently discovered very high volatile organic chemical levels. I linked the VOCs to mold. I also had a mold inspection done, and the results are at the bottom of this post. The levels of mold were high in my kitchen and bathroom. However, oddly, the mold levels in the outside control group were much higher than inside. Can anyone help me understand how high my indoor mold levels are? Does anyone know whether the outdoor levels are reasonably normal? Is my specific blend of mold types implicated in neurological symptoms for others? And if anyone has dealt with mold before, do my possible mold symptoms described below seem similar to ones that you've had?
I bought my townhome in late 2022. Within four months, I started having new neurological symptoms. These symptoms started with a postural tremor in my left index finger and thumb. The same hand eventually began to appear smaller and shriveled, especially around my thumb. I also started having extremely frequent muscle twitches and jerks. These twitches take three general forms:

1. The most common is an odd sensation of something wiggling under my skin. These primarily happen in my face, around my mouth, my butt/legs, and ribs.
2. A pulsing regular beat in a muscle that lasts for several seconds and in some cases longer. These usually happen near joints, especially just above my elbows and knees. These are almost always visible to the naked eye.
3. A sensation of rapid vibrating underneath the skin that lasts briefly. These vibrations are usually not visible but you can feel them if you press a hand over the area.

The twitches and apparent change to my hand have lasted for 16 months. At this point, the tissue loss in my thumb is also apparent in my forearm and upper left arm. My leg on the same side arm appears different and feels as if it has lost some muscle. I also have frequent trembling with specific muscles when I flex them. For example, sometimes when I try to hold a smile my face muscles will shake or give out. My neck tissues are especially liable to shake and vibrate when flexed, such as when doing tasks like flossing where I need to hold my lips back. On a few separate occasions, I have felt slight paralysis on one side of my face for an evening or so that then mysteriously goes away.
Aside from these neurological symptoms, I also have had frequent hoarseness, sneezing, jaw pain, and headaches. My joints often feel like they are more bony and poppy, especially in my left knee and knuckles. In addition, I've had a lot of issues with one ear on the same side as the shriveled hand. The ear had an apparent infection or cloudiness 12 months ago that went away, it then had recurrent pulsatile tinnitus, and now it just occasionally hurts at random times. There have been many other symptoms.
I have seen two neurologists, an endocrinologist, an ear-nose-throat doctor, and an orthopedic doctor. I've had countless tests done including two electromyographies (EMGs) over my whole body several months apart, an MRI, and a lyme disease blood panel. Every test has been normal, although the orthopedic doctor suggested possible thoracic outlet syndrome. The neurologist said my nerves are quite robust. My borrelia blood panel came back negative, although as a side note I did have a tick bite in early 2022 that caused a rash. I was treated for Lyme with 10 days of doxycycline. The tick bite itself still occasionally flares up red and its timing might be correlated with my symptoms.
Back to the house-- I was on a two week vacation out of state and noticed my twitches go away. Then I saw my arm become more normal sized again and the veins start to come back. I didn't feel the same joint issues, had no hoarseness, lost the headaches. All the symptoms came back as soon as I returned home, but nevertheless after that vacation and subsequent extended trips, I was able to conclude with a reasonable level of confidence that these symptoms are linked to the house. I bought an air filter and an air quality monitor that shows volatile organic chemicals, PM, formaldehyde, and C02.
Using the air quality monitor, I discovered that volatile organic chemicals (VOCs) and formaldehyde were usually abnormally high and sometimes extremely high. VOCs are usually above safety thresholds at >0.5 mg/m3 and formaldehyde >0.1 mg/m3. Sometimes, the VOC levels will stay consistently above 1.8mg/m3. I witnessed them reach a peak level of 5mg/3 in one bedroom late at night when I was woken up by a feeling of shortness of breath. I tried but failed to correlate these high VOCs to electronics, chemical sources in the home, cooking sources, heaters, and cleaning supplies. The way the VOCs would spike all over the house for no apparent reason in the evening helped me rule out some of these other possibilities. I also actively removed other sources.
Eventually, I realized that the VOCs were likely caused by mold, so-called microbial VOCs. The formaldehyde could also be explained by mold. The levels of VOCs would spike on rainy days, when the humidity was high inside, and in the evening. I don't think any other chemical source near the house would display this pattern. It took me a while to reach this conclusion because the mold issue in my house isn't too obvious. The house has always had a slight musty smell, especially if the air is stagnant for a while. The bathroom also has recurring mold growth on a tiles, in the shower, and on the various shower liners. A couple cabinets in the kitchen have always smelled musty. I didn't think these obvious signs of mold growth were that big of a deal, but given the extremely high levels of VOCs I now believe the mold has always been the issue.
Once I realized it was likely mold, I started noticing all the signs. The house is about 100 years old. The prior two owners of this house each moved out within five months. The house is not ventilated except from windows. It sits in a damp area near where water puddles up in the yard. It's mostly solid brick, so the house frame has a way of trapping hot air and releasing a lot of moisture onto the floors each evening. There's also a cheap layer of vinyl flooring throughout that could easily cover up a massive mold problem underneath. Finally, the townhome sits on top of an old shared crawl space that was used as a furnace. It has had known water puddling issues for which reason a vapor guard was installed underneath my first floor.
So, I had a mold inspection done. The results are at the bottom of this post. The bathroom results might be diluted because I left the window open the night before. Nevertheless, both my kitchen and bathroom had mold detected at levels between 6480 - 12,300 spores/m3. Oddly, the outdoor levels of all of the molds were often much higher, 3-6 fold higher than the levels indoors. It was a humid day, but it still seems odd for me that an outdoor space could have higher levels than indoors.
On later reading about my specific mold spores and neurological symptoms, I noticed that the two most elevated groups of spores in my house, ascospores and basidiospores, are the same class as all of the funguses known to have colonized the nervous system of ALS patients according to this published article. Those specific types of fungus found in the nerves of ALS patients are Candida, Malassezia, Fusarium, Botrytis, Trichoderma, and Cryptococcus. It naturally led me to wonder if my chronic als-type neurological symptoms could be caused by some latent fungal infection in my body that gradually improves when I'm away from the home.
Wrapping up this thread, I have a bunch of questions.

• Does anyone have the same kinds of molds (see below) in their home and have the ability to speak to how problematic my levels are from their own experience?
• Why would the outdoor control be so high? I do compost and garden, but all of the compost is buried underground.
• Is my specific blend of mold types implicated in neurological symptoms?
• Do my symptoms seem similar to mold-related symptoms that you might have had? I'm trying to figure out if mold is a likely culprit or if I should keep seeking help for possible tickborne illness or other issues.
• Should my mold levels be a cause to stay away from this house as much as possible? Should I ever return?
• Do I need to throw away all my belongings like books clothes and sheets?
• Would a very high quality HEPA air purifier make any difference?
• Is there some kind of public health representative that could help me navigate this or a type of mold doctor who could help me investigate the causes of my symptoms and seek the right kinds of medication?
• Do you have any other advice for someone in my situation?

My mold inspection results

Every day/night before the open of the next trading session, I write out my plan for the open, my general expectations for the market that day, and what buyers/sellers would want to see in each of the opening scenarios that I outline. Since I live in PST and do not/cannot physically get up at 4:30am everyday to plan a couple of hours before the market opens (this includes assessing any over night news, overseas markets, pre-open activity, etc), I make sure to plan for almost every possible scenario imaginable. This includes those that I feel are very unlikely.
Doing this provides me with many significant benefits.
First of all, I am actively planning out for all possible scenarios at the open. This means that I will not be blindsided by any "unexpected" move at the open. I will have already prepared for it and will have a guide that I can reference for what I need to do and watch to watch for.
Second, this plan helps to keep me "balanced" at the open. For every possible scenario that could unfold at the open, I write out in extensive detail what buyers AND sellers would want to see in order for them to get long/short. Importantly, this also helps me to detach from any directional bias that I may have, especially if I have swing positions that go with that bias. I will prepared and have played out the price action that both buyers and sellers will want to see to support their case.
Finally, and arguably most important, I am constantly reinforcing the need to be aware and proactive with discipline, NOT unaware and impulsively reactive. Being unaware and impulsively reactive is very dangerous in trading. When you have a directional bias and the market suddenly starts to do something that you were unprepared for and not expecting, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT GOES AGAINST ANY POSITIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE ON, you're going to be prone to poor and emotional decision making. Being well prepared ahead of the game, IMO, is crucial, and will help keep you out of trouble.
After the market open, I set a 45 minute timer on my watch/phone. When that is up, I pause and open up my daily trading log/notes. I write out what the price action has been like up to this point and I once again write out what buyers and sellers would want to see. If I have a personal bias and want to get long, for example, I will wait for the "buyer" scenario to unfold before I get long.
​
With that being said, here are my notes/plan for the open tomorrow. For each scenario, you will see that I have laid out subsections for what buyers and sellers would want to see, as well as any levels of support and resistance that I feel are notable.

market 5/15 pre-open notes
Yesterday, SPY put in a large 'Gap n Go' after a quick and tiny bid check into the gap. Very bullish price action all day long with minimal retracement. SPY closed on its HOD at a new ATH on heavy volume. This is a strong breakout, especially considering the fact that SPY closed on its HOD without any EOD profit taking yday.
After the big day yday, I feel that SPY is very likely to have a rest day. I'd imagine that we're likely going to open within yday's range.
The price action into the breakout to the new ATH has been rather tenuous. Very light volume bounce above the SMA 100 with mixed candles. This isn't bearish (light volume rallies are NOT BEARISH. They just can't be trusted as much), but it does suggest that buyers early on (up until the last couple of days) have not be very aggressive. If they were, we would have seen stacked green candles on heavy volume. Instead, we've had a general light float higher. Given this relatively light price action going into the breakout, I want to see this breakout hold and gain traction within a few days. We don't want SPY to compress around here for too long without making much progress. That would be a sign of resistance if SPY is unable to add to these gains.
It's important to remember: "We don't make money on the breakout. We make money on the follow through" -- Pete S
I would've entered some swing longs yday, but the price action into the breakout makes me want to hold off momentarily. I would feel more comfortable with opening swings if I can see SPY hold the breakout well + technical confirmation of the breakout with follow through. A quick, wimpy re-test of support that forms a higher low, double bottom above 525.18 (low of 5/15 breakout) could setup an excellent entrypoint for longs if buyers show their aggression. Additionally, a quick little pullback could help us get a better sense of which stocks are actually RS, versus those that are just getting dragged up by their hair with the market.
SPY will be starting the day off finalizing a bullish 1OP cycle and will quickly develop into a bearish 1OP cycle.
​
## Scenarios for the open
### Gap Up above 530.08
On a gap up, I would be very, very cautious. Gaps up to new relative highs often times see profit taking, and we do not want that profit taking to turn into organized selling. Given that some of the move yday on the 'gap n go' was likely fueled by shorts getting squeezed on the breakout above prior ATH at 524.61, I feel that this gap up could potentially be a bit more "vulnerable" to a gap reversal than the one we had yday. What possible news would warrant a larger sized gap up overnight?
​
#### Buyers
For buyers, if the gap up holds the halfway point / prior day high (530.08) during the bearish 1OP cycle, that could set up a nice entrypoint for a long on a 1OP bullish cross + bounce (technical confirmation). Keep in mind that SPY has moved a lot over the last couple of days, and a day of rest is likely. Buyers would not want to see sellers aggressively fill the gap and get into the prior day range. Getting trapped in the prior day range would likely set up dull trading conditions.
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#### Sellers
Sellers need to hold off on jumping into shorts. We know that buyers were very active yesterday--there were virtually zero dips yesterday, and that's a sign of conviction/strength from buyers. At a minimum, sellers would want to see the gap completely fill on the bearish 1OP cycle and to make plenty of retracement into ydays range. If on the next bullish 1OP cycle buyers are unable to breakout back above the prior day high (and the move up is tenuous with mixed overlapping candles), a lower high double top + a bearish 1OP cross + significant technical confirmation (i.e. long red bullish engulfing candle with quick follow through on heavy volume) could potentially setup a SMALL short. If we short, be mindful that we're shorting against a very powerful long term up trend. It's prudent to use a smaller size and to be mindful that this is likely going to be a lower probability trade, as we do not have the long term trend at our back.
​
#### S/R levels for a gap up
Support: ATH/yday high at 530.08
Resistance: None. Watch the price action very closely for clues of any resistance if SPY moves up to a new high and struggles to advance (tiny bodied compressed candles on light volume, bearish hammers, bearish engulfs).
​
### Flat open / smaller gap down within the upper end of yday range [527.17 (open of 11:05 long green key bar that broke to new HOD yday on M5 chart), 530.08]
If SPY opens within yesterday's range, warning signs to "error on the side of not trading" should flash. Remember -- successive back to back big days (i.e. two large bullish trend days in a row) are not very common. Usually, we're going to see a day of rest after a big day like we had yday. Additionally, inside days generally do NOT provide the best trading conditions. If SPY establishes a high and low well within the bounds of yday's range and sits within it for the first 60-90 minutes or so, we're likely going to see a choppy light volume range bound day. If that happens, be prepared to not take any trades and recognize that there may not be any great opportunity that sets up. Focus instead on setting alerts so that we're ready for the next higher probability opportunity (it will come, don't forget that).
​
#### Buyers
Buyers want to see SPY hold the bid well to start the day. Because we have a pending bearish 1OP cycle and a big day yday, there may be some initial selling on the open from profit taking after yday's big day. If SPY can hold itself together and is able to stay at/above 527.17 (where any drift lower is on mixed candles with retracement and low volume), a bullish 1OP cycle + technical confirmation of a bounce off of/above 527.17 support level could set up an opportunity for a long (don't force anything if there's nothing notable to trade). Watch for follow through and a nice drift higher, ideally without any large retracement. If SPY is below the HOD from wherever we open, buyers would want to see SPY easily get back to it and breakout through it without much effort. Any mamby-pamby patty-cake attempt to make a new high (very light volume + mixed candles, choppy move up, tails/wicks, compressed move upward/compression below the HOD) would be a sign that SPY is likely not going to have much luck breaking out of the range.
​
#### Sellers
For sellers, like the above scenario (gap up above yday high), they need to be patient on the open. There needs to be a very convincing reason to get short. Sellers would want to see an easy breakdown through the 527.17 level with organized selling to start the day. I personally would not chase a breakdown with follow through. We know that buyers were very aggressive at the end of the trading session on Tuesday + all day on Wednesday on a breakout to a new ATH (yesterday). In this breakdown scenario, I feel that buyers are likely going to try to bounce SPY back up to 527.17. If the bounce is wimpy and a lower high, double top forms below that level + heavier follow through selling with technical confirmation, a small short may set up. Be mindful of support at 525.18 (the low from yday into the gap). Shorting failed bounces is much easier than chasing long red candles when going against the strength of the longer term uptrend that SPY is in right now.
​
#### S/R levels for "flat open / smaller gap down"
Support: 527.17, 525.18 (prior LOD)
Resistance: 530.08
​
### Larger gap down within the lower end of yday range [525.18, 527.17]
In the case that SPY gaps down below 527.17, we need to closely watch how SPY behaves at the open. This would be a decent sized gap down, especially considering the fact that SPY closed yday practically at the HOD with no profit taking at the EOD. Because of that, I feel that
​
1) This is unlikely, and
2) If it does happen, both buyers and sellers need to have extra patience
​
#### Buyers
The ideal scenario for buyers would be for SPY to quickly start filling in the gap down. That would be a sign that buyers are eager to regain the overnight losses and that they're interested at this level. I would want to see buyers quickly break out above 527.17 with follow through to get interested in going long.
​
What buyers would NOT want to see here is for SPY to drift lower down toward yday LOD at 525.18. That would be a sign that the profit taking/selling from overnight + the open is heavier than expected. If this happens, buyers need to be careful and NOT rush into anything. They would want to see support form above the 527.17 level (M5 11:05 long green key bar) + a quick bounce with consecutive green candles on decent volume. If buyers can breakout above 527.17 with conviction and the next bearish 1OP cycle fails to produce (buyers defend that level + higher low, double bottom above it), the next bullish 1OP cycle could setup a potential long.
​
#### Sellers
While a gap down of this size would certainly be "exciting" for sellers, they must respect the strength in SPY from EOD Tuesday + yday's breakout to new ATH. Sellers would want to see a very weak attempt from buyers to get above the 527.17 level that's quickly smacked down with a long red bearish engulfing candle, or consecutive red candles on heavy volume. Since SPY will likely begin a bearish 1OP cycle shortly after the open, sellers would want to quickly try to get down to yday LOD at 525.18. If that level is easily broken by sellers, don't rush into anything. Sit back and expect some volatility. SPY would be in the gap from yday's large gap up, and the previous ATH at 524.61 would serve as support. If buyers are interested in this breakout above 524.61, they will try to support the market there. If sellers can break through that level with ease on stacked red candles on heavy volume, that would be a warning sign that sellers are active and aggressive above the 524.61 prior ATH.
​
Given the significance of a breakdown like this below the prior ATH at 524.61 + the chance for some increased volatility (this would be a potential failed breakout above prior ATH), don't rush into a short. I would personally want to wait for a failed bounce/attempt from buyers to move SPY back up above 524.61, or a compression near the LOD that does not last for long and where buyers are unable to retrace any of the long red candles. If that happens, that would confirm that the selling pressure is much heavier than expected and I can feel more comfortable getting short.
​
#### S/R levels
Support: 525.18 (yday low), 524.61 (previous ATH)
Resistance: 527.17 (open from SPY M5 11:05 long green key bar), 530.08 (yday HOD)
​
### Large gap down below 525.18
If SPY gaps down well below 525.18 (and below 524.61 ATH), this would be a significant warning sign. There would have to be a pretty substantial reason (whatever that may be) for institutions to NOT want to support the very strong and convincing buying we had yday to a new ATH. Expect volatility in this case.
​
Even more so than the "larger gap down within lower end of yday range" above, I feel that this is a very unlikely scenario.
​
#### Buyers
Buyers would want to see close to the same as the above in the "larger gap down withing lower end of yday range" above, but with much more aggression. Buyers would need to show aggressive interest that they want to support the breakout to a new ATH. They would want to very quickly fill in some of the gap down and get back into yday range. Be very, very careful here. I would personally only feel comfortable getting long if I can see buyers get above 527.17 with relative ease.
​
#### Sellers
A large gap down like this would be significant. Sellers should NOT be all giddy that "this is it! The top is in!". They must be mindful of the fact that a gap down would be going against the longer term up trend in SPY.
​
The best case scenario for sellers would be a wimpy bounce into the gap that fails to get above 525.18. A large red bearish engulfing candle or consecutive red candles on heavy volume that breaks down to a new LOD could set up a short.
​
The next best case would be an immediate "gap n go" below 524.61 (prior ATH). Even on stacked red candles with little to no overlap, sellers should be careful to not chase a short. Remember that they're going against the longer term strong up trend. Wait for a failed bounce on the part of buyers that fails to gain much distance/traction.
​
#### S/R levels
Support: 524.61, 523.8 (tuesday HOD), 522.67 (monday HOD), 519.59 (5/10 LOD)
Resistance: 524.61 (if open below), 525.18, 527.17, 530.08

I’m very depressed and low currently - I don’t need Reddit Cares or a referral. I need solid advice from post-menopausal women and other folks 50+ I have asked for advice in some subs and being a relatively regular Redditor I did not expect the anger and mean responses. If you have a mean response, please choose instead not to respond.
For those willing to give solid advice: I am on the verge of what could be a new chaptephase of life and I want to prepare now to enter it well and rebuild myself through it.
I am currently unemployed, this most recent period of unemployment has been 5 months. I am in week 3 of a 6 week recovery from a total abdominal hysterectomy. The week prior to my surgery I took a 5 day in person Level 1 RV tech service class co-sponsored by RV Technical Institute & RV Women’s Alliance - both of which I learned about via Reddit. Apparently there is high demand for RV techs and while the entry salary is $40-50K when you are certified you can make 6 figures (entry and later have 401K match - this is important to know later on). They work M-F 40 hours, no weekends. Day 4 of class I was verbally offered a job - they are waiting on my doctors clearance to work. I loved my time meeting these folks and learning the industry. I passed the class and its exam, and the job offer company offered to pay for the remainder of my certification.
I applied to take the Level 1 class because I want to RV part-time. I don’t yet own an RV, I watch a lot of YouTube & camped about 3 times in my adult life. I love being outdoors, I wanted this to become a post-retirement hobby. I’m thinking Class B van. When I became unemployed, I considered what are the best opportunities of things I enjoy to make lifelong income?
As this was happening a statewide nonprofit offered me a job right away - I applied for one job and they considered me for 3 roles, they are putting me in the highest paying role of the 3 (about $80K, 401K employer match, fully remote but must reside in-state). I am happy they are excited about hiring me but super leery due to my recent past. This job is in my career field and a very different role. 2024 is my 31st year in my career. Almost 4 years ago, the onset of severe perimenopause symptoms upended my entire life. I had just left my job of longest employment of 8 years (began at 55K, left at $68K) for another job in the same organization that paid $115K and seemed like a reach. It was, I wasn’t a good fit and I quit 8 months later. Over my 8 months unemployment without benefits I decided to sell my house I’d owned & lived in 7 years to a broker, allowing me to break even and move out quickly (I had no help moving & moved myself). I took another job as I moved in with family, that job ($70K) would have been perfect but the org foundemy boss was not willing to do what was needed and necessary to make the job manageable and practical. I quit 8 months later and was able to secure unemployment benefits.
The new statewide nonprofit job asked me candidly about my last job -I was honest about my shortcomings & contributions, as well as the environment. I encouraged them to contact my references, who know my shortcomings and how a truly developmental environment would aid me in finally overcoming them. They are still excited to finalize the job offer. I expect they will by this Friday & then I will contact the RV company declining their job offer. But, I want to stay close to RV’ing.
I also am launching a lifelong side business based off of lessons learned from what I most enjoyed about my career in community development - I will soft launch in June with a hard launch planned in early 2025, it’s a virtual space as I want my work from now on to be home-based and/or fully remote; and I am getting through these tough baby “how to start an LLC in my state” baby steps.
I am never married, no kids. I last dated in 2004. I had a 17 year FWB 2004-2022. I tried an international non-denominational church on and off from 1996-2002, 2011-2014, and 2020-2023. I found that church isn’t really prepared to serve or engage older folks so I am not sure I’ll return & I am doubting joining any church as a senior single.
I am the youngest sibling but the one charged with being responsible for my immediate family. My parents, divorced, are 80 & 82. My next oldest sibling is 58. The three of them are chronically ill. I am healthy & trying my best to stay that way and improve it. My older sibling has lived with one parent for about 4-5 years. I’ve been here just over 1 year. I plan to move out into a housing cooperative apartment ASAP (if approved, their “rent” is a fraction of traditional rent).
I spent my life’s savings & retirement the past 4 years to now. I believe having a community of support will be crucial as I age - if I become sick where I cannot work, there is no one to support me. I never have had friends - I have many acquaintances & 1 friend of 30 years. I have never dated more than 2 years but almost all my exes tried to befriend me after apologizing to me about our relationship. I can think of 3 men whom if I said yes to dating them my life would have been different but I simply did not want to & it’s hard to regret that. I do not believe someone will emerge to date now whom I will be attracted to, who actively wants to be healthy & will be with me in my healing into my best self. That makes me sad and holds me back.
I do not want to be sad so much or depressed so often - it comes from never belonging. I am not perfect, I know my flaws & I try to be honest about them as I work on them (learned that as I began my career & never stopped). But I failed in my view, I don’t have a life where I feel whole & fulfilled. All I have written here are my attempts in progress to rebuild not just my income and life’s savings, but to do so as I build my best life. I tried my best and nothing worked out. I’m taking things slower than I have and I ask myself if what I am doing brings me freedom, peace & joy.
How should I change my view/my mindset as I rebuild? Other specific advice?

Complete remission of depression and anxiety using a ketogenic diet: case series

Front. Nutr., 14 May 2024 Sec. Clinical Nutrition Volume 11 - 2024 https://doi.org/10.3389/fnut.2024.1396685
Background: There is little data that describe the use of ketogenic metabolic therapy to achieve full remission of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder in clinical practice. We present a retrospective case series of three adults with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder with complex comorbidity, treated with personalized ketogenic metabolic therapy, who achieved complete remission of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder and improvements in flourishing, self-compassion, and metabolic health.
Methods: Three adults, ages 32–36, with major depression, generalized anxiety, other anxiety disorders, and comorbid psychiatric conditions were treated for 12–16 weeks with personalized whole food animal-based ketogenic metabolic therapy (1.5:1 ratio) in a specialized metabolic psychiatry practice. Interventions included twice-weekly visits with an experienced ketogenic registered dietitian; daily photo journaling and capillary blood BHB/glucose/GKI monitoring; virtual groups; family/friends support; nature walks and talks several times per week, and community building. Successful adoption of the ketogenic diet was defined as the achievement and maintenance of capillary BHB ≥ 0.8 mmol/L and GKI < 6. Remission was assessed by GAD-7 and PHQ-9, and quality of life was assessed subjectively and with validated scales for flourishing and self-compassion. Metabolic health was assessed by laboratories/biometric measures.
Results: Two patients achieved remission of major depression (PHQ-9 ≤ 4) and generalized anxiety (GAD-7 ≤ 4) within 7 weeks of therapeutic nutritional ketosis; one required 12 weeks. Anxiety responded and remitted more quickly than major depression. Flourishing and self-compassion increased steadily. Patients lost 10.9 to 14.8% of their initial body weight within 12 weeks and improved metabolically; one achieved optimal metabolic health.
Conclusion: Complete remission of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder occurred within 7–12 weeks of therapeutic nutritional ketosis during treatment with a personalized animal-based ketogenic diet (ratio 1.5:1) in adults with complex comorbid depression and anxiety engaged in a specialized metabolic psychiatry program.

Introduction

Emerging brain-based research in psychiatry and neurology has focused on identifying fundamental metabolic disturbances within neurons and throughout the body involving insulin resistance, inflammation, oxidative stress, and alterations of the gut microbiome (1). All four of these fundamental metabolic disturbances are present in major depression (2), and underlying anxiety disorders (3) and can be directly modulated through the use of ketogenic metabolic therapy (KMT) (4).
As psychiatric disorders have risen over the past several decades, the prevalence of metabolic syndrome has sharply increased, with only 12.2% of U.S. adults meeting the criteria for optimal metabolic health, leaving 87.8% metabolically compromised (5, 6).
Metabolic syndrome affects almost a third of individuals with major depression (7). It is a significant contributor to their morbidity and mortality (8) and is rooted in impaired glucose metabolism and utilization. Insulin resistance has been well described in many tissues, including the brain (9), where it is being investigated as a link between metabolic health and mental health conditions. Preclinical models demonstrate that glucose intolerance is directly associated with anxiety and that insulin resistance triggers depressive behaviors (9). In brain tissue, insulin resistance results in cerebral glucose hypometabolism and a vicious cycle of unmet energy needs (10). In human studies, cerebral glucose hypometabolism is a feature of major depression (11, 12) and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) (13).
KMT, also known as the therapeutic ketogenic diet, or KD, is a low carbohydrate, moderate-protein, high-fat diet that supports a fundamental metabolic shift from glucose to ketone bodies as the primary fuel source (14). Classic KMTs are formulated with strict macronutrient ratios, most commonly 4:1 and 3:1 (fat: protein + carbohydrates), and have demonstrated efficacy in intractable epilepsy and genetic disorders. More recently, modified classic KMTs with lower macronutrient ratios of 2.5:1, 2:1, and 1.5:1 have been utilized in research and clinical practice (15, 16). These allow more variety in the diet, meet micronutrient needs except vitamin D (17), and are easier to sustain for extended periods of time.
KMT exploits the body’s natural ability to produce ketone bodies (d-beta-hydroxybutyrate (BHB), acetoacetate, and acetone) in the liver from fatty acids by keeping carbohydrate consumption very low. Acute and sustained production of ketone bodies produces a fundamental shift in fuel energetics within cells, particularly neurons, which can radically re-route and quickly rely on readily available BHB and acetoacetate for cellular energy (18). Ketone bodies also increase vascular density at the blood–brain barrier, which can strikingly increase the availability of ketone bodies for brain energy metabolism by 40-fold (19). Ketones are a preferred energy source in the CNS (20) and neurons will choose ketones over glucose when available.
Nutritional ketosis (10) using a KMT is a natural, not pathological, state (21) where the body’s energy and protein synthesis needs are met with a high-fat/moderate-protein/low-carbohydrate diet, resulting in sustained elevations of serum ketones and fatty acids and normal glucose without acidemia. In both acute and long-term nutritional ketosis, ketone bodies have a number of biological effects that directly change the brain’s cellular energy status (15), increase mitochondrial density (22), and improve mitochondrial morphology, which has been shown to be altered in mood disorders (23, 24). Mitochondrial abnormalities have also been postulated to be responsible for changes in synaptic function and neuroplasticity, potentially associated with symptoms of depression and anxiety (19).
Recent research shows that a ketogenic diet (KD) reduces neuronal firing rates, modulates ion channels and cell signaling cascades, and stimulates the biochemical synthesis and neurotransmission of GABA by inhibiting glutamate decarboxylase, a major inhibitory neurotransmitter involved in neuronal firing and anxiogenesis (25, 26). BHB activates the transcription of antioxidant-related genes by inhibiting histone deacetylases, triggering long-term adaptive changes in gene expression. In addition, at physiologic concentrations, ketone bodies reduce neuroinflammation through direct action at G-protein coupled receptors (25). KD also favorably alters the gut microbiome (27). Perhaps most importantly, KD directly increases NAD+, which reduces reactive oxygen species and increases mitochondrial ATP production. It is also utilized as a substrate for sirtuins and PARP enzymes associated with DNA repair and longevity. A sustained increase in NAD+ may underlie the pleiomorphic benefits of KMT across multiple neuropsychiatric conditions (28). In terms of the frequent abnormal alarms set off in the amygdala during anxiety, nutritional ketosis may provide an acute and long-term intervention to reduce generalized anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive doubt, and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For apathy, anhedonia, amotivation, and abulia seen in major depression, therapeutic nutritional ketosis may provide higher and more sustained intraneuronal energy and repair (29, 30).
There is no published data that describes the implementation and use of personalized KMT for adults in real-world clinical practice who present with major depression comorbid with GAD and complex psychiatric comorbidity.
The aim of this case series is to examine the response to the treatment of major depression and generalized anxiety with whole-food animal-based personalized KMT in adults with complex psychiatric comorbidity and varied metabolic status. We conducted a retrospective review of three cases from our Metabolic Psychiatry Registry that demonstrate a consistent response and remission of major depression and generalized anxiety among patients who are psychiatrically and metabolically complex, despite differences in the initiation and adoption of KMT, and varied metabolic dysfunction. We describe the evaluation process and prescription of KMT, baseline metabolic workup and monitoring, elements that fostered treatment engagement and adherence, and challenges encountered during 12 weeks of KMT. We correlated capillary BHB/GKI with time to the remission of major depression and GAD and the achievement of metabolic health.

Discussion

Although KD was first shown to produce antidepressant effects and alleviate “behavioral despair” in preclinical studies more than 20 years ago (20), there is little clinical data regarding KD in major depression and anxiety disorders.
A retrospective analysis of 31 individuals with primary diagnoses of major depression (N = 7), bipolar II disorder (N = 13), and schizoaffective disorder (N = 12) who had failed to respond to conventional psychiatric care was treated with KD (75%–80% fat, 15%–20% protein, 5% carbohydrate) for 12 weeks in a psychiatric hospital (31). Of these patients, 22 were voluntarily admitted for the initiation of KD, and the remainder were offered KD during their inpatient hospital course. Change in depression was measured by HAM-D and MADRS in 6 of 7 patients with major depression and 12 of 13 patients with bipolar disorder. Notably, 100% of patients given the HAM-D showed statistically significant improvement in depressive symptoms (mean HAM-D decreased from 25.4 to 7.7; mean MADRS decreased from 29.6 to 10.1). However, serum ketones were not measured; urinary ketone measures were obtained once in 28 patients during the 12-week intervention; 18 patients (64%) showed positive urine ketones (31).
Bipolar depression was included in a recent randomized controlled pilot study assessing the safety and feasibility of KMT as adjunctive therapy, and reported safety and feasibility with excellent adherence and maintenance of ketosis (mean BHB 0.88 ± 0.99 mmol/L for 12 weeks) (32).
One case report utilized KD (65% fat, 25% protein, 10% carbs) with a time-restricted feeding window in a 65-year-old woman with major depression and type II diabetes and reported remission of depression (PHQ-9 17 to 0), normalization of HbA1c, decrease in estimated average glucose from 216 to 96 mg/dL, improvement in HOMA-IR from 9.4 to 2.3, and TG/HDL ratio from 4.7 to 1.2 over 12 weeks. The only measured serum BHB reported in the case was a mean of 1.5 mmol/L by week 12 (30).
A recent meta-analysis of low carbohydrate diets used in controlled trials that evaluated symptoms of depression and anxiety, not disorders, in varied metabolic and inflammatory conditions reported that the symptomatic response of these symptoms was inconclusive (33). The conclusions may not apply to KMTs; the meta-analysis was limited by grouping varied diets with higher carb intake and higher protein intake than usually associated with diets formulated to induce nutritional ketosis; serum or capillary BHB was not reported; and primary and secondary outcomes varied across studies.
In anxiety, preclinical research shows that exogenous ketone supplementation reduces anxiety behaviors (34). There is one case report of a self-administered Atkins Diet for weight loss in a woman with panic disorder (35) but no reports of KMT in panic disorder, OCD, or PTSD. Case reports of KD addressing anxiety describe two cases of decreased anxiety symptoms in a woman with women, one with bipolar I disorder and another with unspecified mood disorder, comorbid emotional dysregulation, body dysmorphic disorder, and eating disorder (36, 37), and one case report that describes the elimination of anxiety symptoms in a man with bipolar disorder (38). Anxiety and obsessive preoccupations improved in weight-restored anorexic women, in one case report describing complete remission of anorexia (39) and in a retrospective case series where animal-based KD was adopted without dietary prescription and monitoring (2); however, ketone measures were not reported. One small pilot trial where KD was followed by ketamine infusions reported a significant lessening of obsessive preoccupations in weight-recovered women with chronic anorexia; here, ketosis was measured by breath acetone (40).
Finally, all three patients had comorbid ADHD, which may be important. Approximately 65–89% of adults with ADHD experience one or more comorbid psychiatric conditions, and ADHD often occurs comorbid with anxiety and depression (41). Preclinical studies in murine models (42) of ADHD with hyperactivity suggest that KD may improve symptoms via alteration of the gut microbiome. Preclinical studies in dogs with epilepsy displaying ADHD-like behaviors treated with a medium-chain triglyceride KD have shown decreased pathological behaviors (43). Further research exploring the effect of KMT in humans with ADHD should be considered to understand the mechanisms of action and assess short- and long-term risks and benefits.
There is little research regarding the selection, implementation, and treatment course for KMT use as adjunctive or sole treatment in individual psychiatric conditions. Given the potential benefits of therapeutic nutritional ketosis and the restoration of metabolic health (44), there is a pressing need to identify the biological underpinnings of KD in psychiatric disorders and delineate factors associated with the successful adoption and adherence of KMT and responses in common psychiatric disorders such as depression and anxiety. In clinical practice and real-world settings, where patients often present with multiple comorbidities, consideration of KD can seem daunting to clinicians.
Despite that, this case series illustrates complete remission of both major depression and GAD in three adults with complex psychiatric comorbidity and previously unrecognized metabolic dysfunction using whole-food, animal-based personalized KMT. Anxiety responded first and time to remission occurred rapidly within 7–12 weeks, despite varied challenges, including preferences for time-restricted eating, slow adoption, inconsistent monitoring, and emergent fatigue during strenuous exercise, which occurred many weeks into KMT due to low serum carnitine and spontaneous reduction of protein intake rather than keto-adaptation or “keto-flu.” All patients improved metabolically, and one patient achieved optimal metabolic health (6).
These patients were representative of many adults in clinical psychiatric practice who present with persistent, serious symptoms interfering with several life domains. They each had five DSM-V psychiatric disorders: severe unipolar major depression, GAD, at least one other anxiety disorder (OCD, PTSD, and/or panic disorder), and ADHD, and two had binge eating disorder. They had all failed at least two previous adequate trials of medications and psychotherapy and were seeking relief. All had family histories of mood and anxiety disorders and documented metabolic disease in first-degree relatives. Extensive laboratory testing and bioimpedance evaluations were eye-opening because, although they were overweight, they were not aware of the extent to which they were already metabolically ill; we suspect it enhanced their motivation to adopt and maintain KMT.
This case series is limited by describing only three patients, which limits the generalizability of our results as well as the inherent selection bias, as they were interested in KMT after failing standard therapies. In addition, they were selected because their complex psychiatric comorbidity reflects the complexity seen in the majority of our outpatient psychiatric practice. This degree of complexity may limit the generalization of these findings, although it is important to note that outpatient clinical psychiatric practice as a whole has seen an increase in complex psychiatric comorbidity over the past two decades (44).
As a retrospective case series, there may be additional limiting and confounding factors, including the lack of a control group. Some rating scales and digital data are missing, which may impact the completeness of the analysis. Time to consistent nutritional ketosis and delays in obtaining necessary labs requiring intervention may have contributed to a longer time to response and remission; response and remission may occur earlier than reported here, and this deserves further research. Finally, it is not clear to what extent immersive treatment (see Supplementary material 1) and additional interventions during KMT, such as close digital monitoring, frequent clinical contact, group supports, and nature walks, contributed to the rapidity of response/remission of anxiety and depression, or to overall treatment success, independent of the biological effects of KMT, and which of these elements were most critical; more research is needed. Carefully designed prospective studies and randomized controlled trials providing higher levels of evidence are needed to examine the use of KMT and time to response and remission in individuals without comorbidity and determine the extent to which comorbidity may confound or alter these (8).
As metabolic psychiatry moves forward, we need both preclinical and larger, well-controlled clinical studies examining the pleiomorphic effects of ketone bodies in the brain and in the body to understand how we can best leverage whole foods to optimize brain energy, enhance genetic expression, reduce neuroinflammation, optimize metabolic health, and safeguard the promise of our future.

I wasn't planning on watching Thrice Upon A Time. I had not liked the previous films and they seemed like a very inferior product compared to the original anime. However, the good reviews and opinions I saw about it encouraged me to do so. I did it with as open and tolerant a mind as possible, knowing that there was a good chance I wouldn't like the film. "What's the worst that could happen? That I don't like it and continue to prefer the original series? At least I'll be entertained for two and a half hours," I thought. What I did not expect at all is the deep feeling of disgust and repulsion that this film provoked in me, in a way that no other film has provoked in years.
I hated the movie from start to finish. I could spend hours talking about the boring action sequences, about its ugly, excessive CGI that ruins the already ugly mecha, about its disgusting hypersexualization of fucking 14-year-old girls, about how Misato's plans don't make sense, about how Last Kiss almost made me tear my ears off, or its plot full of Deus Ex Machinas with concepts conveniently taken by Hideaki Anno from the place that his last name suggests; but the real reason I'm writing this is because I feel like these movies spit on everything the excellent original work represents.
Not only because as adaptations they fail miserably, but also because they retroactively damage the original work (we'll talk about that later).
Before I begin to explain why the rebuilds are bad adaptations, I want to warn that I am going to do a relatively exhaustive review of the 4 films, so this rant is going to be very long, like staying up late on a winter night with chronic insomnia. That said, let's start to see the reasons:
WHAT IS NEON GENESIS EVANGELION?:
To understand why rebuilds fail as remakes, I must first ask you, dear reader: What does Neon Genesis Evangelion mean to you? (it should at least be familiar to you, unless you've spent your life under a bridge) What do you think about when you read that title, apart from Shinji fucking in front of a comatose Asuka? What comes to mind when you hear the most famous opening in anime history, apart from Shinji strangling the otter against Happy Thursday's throat? (in more ways than one). If your answer is: "It's a mecha anime for emos with a coomer protagonist", that's fine, I respect that; but please press the red "X" in the top right corner of your screen, you can now leave.
Now, I'm going to get serious and explain my definition: Evangelion is a work about the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties of forming emotional bonds that human beings have, as well as the consequences of trying to separate from them for fear of rejection. It is not a story about heroes. It's not a story about saving the world. In Evangelion there are neither heroes nor villains, but rather a group of emotionally broken characters trying to be happy in a world just as broken as them. The real enemy of Evangelion is not the angels. It is the lack of communication and empathy.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilema_del_erizo
It is that same lack of communication and empathy that progressively causes everything to go to hell to conclude with a cathartic and bleak ending, but consistent with the themes of the work. It is therefore an existentialist work about human relationships disguised as a mecha anime. This, added to a unique visual style, daring direction, and mechas like never before seen on television, made Evangelion one of the most influential anime in all of history, as well as a true commercial success for Gainax Studio. Success that encouraged other studios to carry out projects such as Cowboy Bebop or Serial Experiment Lain, taking anime towards a new golden age.
Even today you can hear the echoes of that Third Impact of End of Evangelion in 1997. The list of works influenced by Evangelion both inside and outside of Japan is endless. Of course, it is not a perfect work, nor extensive in errors: its target audience is ambiguous, many of the biblical references are more for decoration than anything else, and several aspects of the ending(s) could have been explained better. However, many of these errors can be attributed to a lack of time and budget during the production of the original anime (which was quite chaotic and improvised); therefore, they are understandable and forgivable.
In summary, we can conclude that Evangelion is a dark, introspective, provocative and unique work (at least at its time). This is also combined with a unique visual identity and complex characters whose relationships intertwine and interconnect throughout the work. The sum of all these factors is what led Evangelion to be such a critically acclaimed work that it transcended its own genre and became an icon of popular culture. And this in turn constitutes the biggest mistake of rebuilds; because they commit the biggest sin that an adaptation can commit: denying everything that made the original work great.
ADAPTING WITHOUT A CLEAR PURPOSE:
One of the biggest problems with these remakes (as well as a clear example of what I'm saying) is their total narrative inconsistency. Let me explain: the first rebuilds movie (1.11) is a literal copy-paste of the first 6 chapters of the original anime, with practically the same scenes, dialogues and even music. This makes the film completely redundant and unnecessary (and makes one wonder why it exists); But in any case, the message is being conveyed that the purpose of these remakes is to adapt the original series as faithfully as possible to the cinema with a current animation style.
However, the second movie (2.22) is a... something. A pastiche of new and old things where the plot broadly follows that of the original anime, but with many things changed (of course, for the worse) and a different ending. All this compressing no less than 14 chapters of the original anime into two and a half hours. Here the message that one can infer is that it seeks to adapt the original story (very briefly) by changing and rearranging certain elements, now more in line with what an adaptation is.
However, then we get to 3.33 and... well, after a 14-year because reasons timeskip, we're now in a post-post-apocalyptic world (repetition intended) where ex-Nerv members fight against Nerv itself. Nerv in giant spaceships, there are mechas everywhere, Misato is a sociopath, and Shinji and Asuka still look exactly the same because "DAMN JEBA." Here we can infer that what is sought is to create a totally new story and take it in different directions than the original. The following movie (3.0+1.01) is the only one that is consistent with this purpose.
Whether all these narrative pirouettes were planned in advance or not (clearly not), we can see that there is a clear incongruity between what is intended to be done and what is finally done. All of this generates a strong narrative chaos where the elements and themes of the original anime are mixed with the new ones, creating a total inconsistency. Since also in 3.0+1.01 it is revealed (unfortunately to me) that everything is part of the same universe and this is not really a remake, the excuse of "they are different universes, they don't have to be the same" doesn't work either.
In fact, one thing that you will see me comment a lot throughout this article is the lack of narrative consistency of these remakes, especially in comparison to the original work.
A HEDGEHOG WITHOUT TICKS:
No character in Evangelion better embodies the central theme of the work than Shinji Ikari, its own protagonist. Shinji is not a hero: he is not brave. He is not a genius. He is not charismatic. He is not selfless. He doesn't want to save the world. His reason for piloting the Eva is to gain recognition and appreciation from others; especially from his father, whom he hates, but at the same time admires; He feels that she despises him, but he also wants (and needs) that she loves him. Shinji spends the entire series in the dilemma between escaping from what hurts him (classic avoidance behavior) or accepting it and moving on, even at the risk of being hurt again.
This theme is rock solid throughout the entire original series: from the first to the last chapter of the anime, and from minute one to the very end of End of Evangelion. Even the opening itself makes several visual references to Shinji's hedgehog dilemma. This can make Shinji an infuriating character for audiences accustomed to typical anime protagonists; but it's those same things that make Shinji such a unique and special character. He deconstructs and subverts the hero's journey. And it's not as if this hinders the plot: Shinji is not proactive, but he also does not spend the series crying, as many often claim.
https://files.catbox.moe/eolho0.mp4
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomito
And as you may already be imagining, the Shinji of the rebuilds does not have a hedgehog's dilemma. Or rather, he has it, but only during the first movie (copy-paste of the original anime) and part of the second. This is a problem, because it creates a strong narrative inconsistency (again) where it seems that two Shinjis exist at the same time or that this one is bipolar. As of 3.33, Shinji's entire character arc is based on trying to redeem himself for his past mistakes first by unleashing "Almost Third Impact" (what a stupid name) and subsequently preventing Kaworu's death while trying to right said mistake.
Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. The problem is that I have already seen the arc of the hero who fails to eventually rise up and succeed in 100 trillion works, while the hedgehog's dilemma in none more than in Evangelion (at least in my case). Which makes Shinji a much less interesting character. Some might argue that in 3.0 + 1.01 Shinji does have such a dilemma because he spends half the movie crawling on the ground; but there is not a hedgehog's dilemma, but rather depression for having seen Kaworu's head go KAWOOM (I know, the joke was very bad, but if he didn't do it, I would explode too).
End of Evangelion's Shinji did have such a dilemma because the reason for his depression was having been manipulated and used by someone he had previously opened up to and then forced to kill him, not for failing in his mission (in fact, he was very efficient in her mission to separate Kaworu's head from her body), which in turn brings sexual (and later, deadly) results for Asuka. I insist: narrative consistency. But this is not the worst: the worst thing is that at certain moments in these films, Shinji becomes the typical shonen savior hero, betraying the central point of his character in the original series.
https://youtu.be/E-x-f2OrWeA
A perfect example of this is the ending of 2.22, where the fight in chapter 19 (COINCENTLY from where the original anime starts to get more introspective) is transformed into a ridiculous shipping attempt, with Rei turned into a damsel in distress and Shinji into a savior hero while spouting all the typical cliché lines, topped off with a disgustingly cheesy ending. But of course, how could it end otherwise? With Shinji's Eva practicing cannibalism on Zeruel's corpse (the original scene)? Too disturbing for current times. Shinji and Rei fighting as a team to defeat him? Yes of course. Rei has enough not being in the kitchen. Besides, Asuka already takes care of that, hoping to receive her alpha male's cock as a reward.
https://youtu.be/TPS0Uk0TkP0
Because, like any good modern anime protagonist, Shinji now has a harem.
FETISHING WITHOUT CONTROL:
Of all the characters who are now part of Shinji's harem, the one who is most harmed by this is Rei (Asuka's case is different, and the other character is an infernal creation from Anno's sick mind). Not only because acting like a bitch in heat goes totally against her personality and because of the murky situation, considering that she is a clone of Shinji's mother, but also because her character is reduced to a mere fetish object that does things cute to produce tenderness in the viewer and make coomers buy their figurines.
Rei is an interesting character because he raises numerous existential questions based on the ship of Theseus paradox: the concept of identity, to what extent we can consider ourselves still ourselves, the construction and definition of a "self", etc. But here, her screen time piloting her Unit 00 is minimal (COINCENTLY most of it in 1.11) and her exploits are practically irrelevant or non-existent, also being reduced to a mere damsel in distress at the end of 2.22, as I said before.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradoja_de_Teseo
In 3.0+1.01 he doesn't even get to pilot an Eva. Her role in the film is to cause pity and produce tenderness with her total ignorance (I see that the idiot Anno forgot that all the Reis are born with basic knowledge) while she is seen with different hairstyles, different outfits, working as a farmer, taking care of a baby, etc. In short, a fetish object where she wants the public to value her for how "moe" she is instead of for her abilities or as a character. In Anno's mind, feminism advances in reverse. Ironic, considering that it was precisely Rei who unintentionally started the moe culture.
Of course, it goes without saying that Rei is not the only one who suffers from this extreme fetishization of her character in these films. Under the excuse of paying homage to End of Evangelion, Asuka now always wears an eye patch (needless to say it has nothing to do with having been injured there), a cap with cat ears, in addition to having a very convenient trend for the coomer public of walking naked and semi-naked through other people's houses. She sometimes puts on the plugsuit, but near the end of the movie, it is conveniently torn off, lest we forget that this is made by the Japanese.
One of the best examples of how this hareminication has destroyed the main female characters is in the elevator scene. In the original anime, Rei tries to advise Asuka in a time of particular vulnerability and depression. Rei's limited social skills, coupled with Asuka being Asuka, cause her to misinterpret the attempt to help as mockery and an act of condescension, triggering a slap from her towards Rei and a worsening of her already strained relationship and Asuka's mental state. Rei doesn't fight back because she knows that doing so would only make things even worse.
It is an excellent dramatic scene because it once again brings to the foreground the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties between human relationships, very much in line with what Evangelion is. In 2.22, this scene is gratuitously introduced and turned into two horny bitches fighting over which of the two will let their alpha male penetrate first, with a highly OC Rei stopping the assault attempt in a 100% gangsta way to make her see more "cool." The scene doesn't even make plot sense, because Asuka at that moment is not even depressed, and in the original anime this occurs at a much later time under a very different context.
and speaking of asuka...
SOMEONE CALLED ASUKA:
When I started watching these movies, I was afraid that Asuka's character had undergone modifications to make her more "palatable" to new audiences. What took me completely by surprise was how radically different this Asuka is from the original. So different that they can't even be considered the same character. To show it very clearly, we are going to review the personality of both:
Asuka from the original anime: An energetic and outgoing half-German, half-Japanese girl (actually it's 1/4, but who cares) who loves to be the center of attention and have everyone praise her due to the lack of parental love received during her childhood having been abandoned by her father and supplanted by her mother, who suffered from severe mental disorders. She is extremely proud and competitive because she feels that being Eva's pilot is the only thing that gives her an identity and purpose, which makes her tend to become quickly frustrated when things don't go her way and become defensive when she feels like she is being outmaneuvered. . He loves to make fun of others (especially Shinji), to the point of being cruel at times, but he does not do it out of malice, but rather to compensate for his enormous inferiority complex due to the rejection suffered by his mother and having witnessed her. committed suicide (and possibly even tried to kill her) the day she was chosen as Eva's pilot and came running to wish her a Happy Thursday. She admires Kaji and wants to fuck him because she hates her own adolescence, she needs to feel adult and independent due to suffering from a certain Electra complex for having lacked a true father figure during her childhood. She has a sweet and vulnerable nature, but she rarely expresses it to anyone except her best friend Hikari and I better stop this now because too much text.
Rebuild Asuka (hereinafter "Asuka"): A girl soldier created by Nerv as part of a series of clones who has always been alone and thinks she doesn't need anyone, although she secretly wishes to have a family. She hits and insults others for no reason, she yells a lot, never smiles or makes jokes, and hates socializing with others, which doesn't stop her from looking for Shinji's dick within 2 days of meeting him. She always plays video games while someone is talking to her and at night she talks to herself with a doll like an autistic person.
As we can see, these two characters not only look nothing alike: several of their traits directly contradict each other. Because they look alike, they are not even alike in aesthetics: the original Asuka had red hair and dressed in the traditional feminine way, while "Asuka" is light brown and dresses in a tomboy style (which I'm not saying is wrong, I'm just commenting to show the radical difference). It's not that they have changed Asuka: it's that they have directly murdered her to supplant her by someone with whom she only shares her first name (not even her last name). And needless to say, the change has been VERY for the worse.
To describe the first character, I had to spend 15 damn lines, and even then I had to leave out many important facets of his personality, his development in the original series and his entire character arc in EoE, because if I didn't have one endless bible For the second, 6 lines were enough for me, and I could have had more left over if I had been more concise. The first character is a complex and three-dimensional character, with multiple facets, edges and layers. She feels like a real person. The second character is a generic tsundere that you can find in any mecha anime of the week. She is not even comparable to the first; She's not even a good character.
We cannot speak of Flanderization because not even the most basic traits of the character have been respected. Nor can we speak of a deconstruction because that same absence of basic traits means that there is no character construction on which to stand in the first place. Obviously, this change greatly resents the interactions between characters: the original Asuka was a charismatic and fun character with the ability to drive the plot on her own (as soon as she appears in chapter 8 of the original anime she is already changing the entire dynamic between characters) , while "Asuka" is mostly only in the background or to fight; He doesn't even have a character arc as such. In fact, in 2.22 he has even less screen time than several supporting characters.
His chemistry with Shinji is also non-existent (and I'm not just referring to the romantic level) and they barely have any development together. They like each other here because... ehhhh... she likes how he cooks and he thinks she's hot? It's not that the AsuShinji (or ShinSuka, or whatever the hell it's called) here is forced: it's just that it doesn't even make sense. The only reason people still ship them together is because they did it in the 90s. Yūko Miyamura's performance also feels very lackadaisical and lacks passion, which is quite unlike her. Although perhaps this is intentional, since her character always talks as if she has the spear of Longinus permanently stuck up her rectum. In fact, the few times she says her iconic "Anta baka?" This one feels very forced, in addition to not having her characteristic high-pitched tone.
In short, the character has suffered the same fetishization as Rei (gamer girl, tomboy, one-eyed, etc.), but also with the aggravating factor that not even her basic characteristics have been respected here. This is especially disconcerting when we take into account that the rest of the characters have their original personalities more or less intact (albeit simplified). Even more disconcerting if we take into account that Asuka is possibly the most popular character in all of Evangelion, and even more so if we consider that she is Anno's favorite character (in fact, the initial idea was for Asuka to be the protagonist).
https://evaresources.wordpress.com/der-mond/
Given this, the inevitable question arises: "Why?" What was the point of turning Asuka into an inferior and tsundere copy of Rei, even more so when there are already three clones? It has always been rumored that Asuka is not popular in Japan, but that is completely false. The only semi-rational explanation I can think of is that they did it to please the haters. It's no secret that a portion within the Evangelion fandom (and outside of it) hates Asuka with a passion. They see her as someone toxic and cruel who dedicates herself to screwing others for no reason, without understanding that you don't have to like a well-written character.
https://imgur.com/a/KznXE1x
What these people fail to understand is that Asuka's verbal abuse is a defense mechanism to avoid opening up to others, since Asuka constantly says things that do not fit with what she really feels or thinks (clear proof is chapter 16 from the original series). It's not like it matters much, considering they were never more than an extremely vocal minority. That the character is so popular is proof of this. The great irony of all this is that the new "Asuka" is a much more unpleasant and detestable character than the original, since she lacks the redeemable qualities of the original and her moments of comic relief.
And if until now I have been more or less benevolent with this remake, this is something I cannot forgive: because changing a character just because a group of people doesn't like it is one of the most cowardly and pathetic acts in the world. that a writer can fall. The fact that this was also at the expense of one of the best female characters in the history of anime and with a wonderful story arc makes it even more bloody. Any other halfway competent writer would have responded with this.
https://youtu.be/5Js0ea6yPKM
...although if we go by Ockham's razor, the most likely explanation is simply that Hideaki Anno is mentally retarded.
A CHARACTER TO DESTROY A FRANCHISE AND BIND IT TO DARKNESS:
Mari Makinami Illustrious A.K.A María Iskariote (what an appropriate last name) is one of the worst creations ever made by humans. Not since the atomic bombs has humanity created something so horrible. Worse than the holocaust. Worse than fascism. Worse than Facebook memes. Worse than stepping on a lego. I would even dare to say that it is worse than pizza with pineapple. No character better reflects Anno's mental decline or better embodies all the problems of the current anime industry than this trash.
This character contributes absolutely nothing to the plot, he does not contribute at any time to its advancement, he lacks his own development or story, he does absolutely nothing relevant in the 3 films in which he appears, and he does not even have a defined personality. So much so, that all of her scenes could be eliminated or replaced by any other character and she would barely affect the plot, or not affect it at all.
The character is so frighteningly one-dimensional that she doesn't even show different emotions or moods during the three films in which she appears, always being perpetually happy and carefree even in tense situations for literally no reason. This leads to moments as surreal as her starting to sing and hum in scenes that are intended to be serious or dramatic (or so I think; perhaps what they wanted was to turn this into an unintentional comedy), again generating a gigantic narrative dissonance. The last third of 3.33 is the best example of this.
But that's not the worst: this character is clearly made for otaku coomers to masturbate to. She has almost every fetish possible: glasses/lenses (whatever they call it in your country), pigtails, miniskirt, schoolgirl, saying "nya", big tits, obsession with smell and tight outfits, etc. To make matters worse in 3.0 + 1.01 we discover that she is 48 years old, so we can also add the milf fetish. Evidently, her tits always bounce in her plugsuit (she would swear that never happened in the original series) and there are many close-ups of her ass. In addition to constantly making sexual advances towards Shinji, which also turns this piece of shit into a potential pedophile.
If the thing simply ended there, we could say that this character remains a mere annoying and unnecessary secondary character. Unfortunately, the character is also disruptive to the plot, occupying long filler scenes that do nothing more than waste time that is already scarce in a film, and that could have been used on something else more interesting; like Pen Pen watching TV, Pen Pen eating a sardine, etc. Without going any further, both 2.22, 3.33 and 3.0+1.01 begin with a long filler scene of her hitting on her. Well, to be honest, the 3.33 one is more Asuka, but this abortion is still out there fucking and singing.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that discussing why this character exists is much more interesting than any other debate that can be created about these films. I still think about it. However, the ending of 3.0+1.01 gives a good clue: the character was created solely and exclusively to stay with Shinji. I can only imagine that Anno made this tired of the fandom shipping and the arguments over who Shinji should stay with, so he decided to end the matter by creating his own ideal waifu with all the fetishes he likes in a woman to end it. with this. It's disgusting, but considering we're talking about a Japanese, totally possible.
It's surreal coming from the man who harshly criticized the use of anime as escapism and the excessive female objectification and sexualization in it, but it's the only semi-decent explanation I can think of. Basically, he is what is called a mascot character in literature. That would explain why this character never shows doubts, nor any kind of internal conflict, or why he is a better Eva pilot than Asuka and Rei themselves. It is also very revealing about the quality of the Rebuilds: creating a self-insert OC just to be the partner of the protagonist or another main character is the quintessential trait of all bad fanfiction.
However, among all this tsunami of disqualifications, I also have to say something positive: spending three movies giving hope to the shippers only to have Shinji be cuckolded simultaneously by Rei and Asuka in the last one and end up with a character with which had zero development (before 3.0+1.01 I didn't even know its name) is a true trolling masterclass, worthy of the best of ball pumpers. Only a true emperor of evil would have come up with such a twisted and at the same time perfect way to screw over a large part of the fandom. I give you my tens, Anno.
THE ANTI-UNIVERSE OF ANTI-NARRATIVE:
Of all the new concepts that Anno brings up at the last minute from the place named after his last name, none stands out more than the "anti-universe." Or, as I like to call it, the "anti-good writing." Basically because it perfectly represents all the problems of the rebuilds and their script. In the final stretch of 3.0+1.01 we have the last-minute revelation of a quantum plane of existence capable of turning imagined worlds into reality and changing this through Lilith, which cannot be understood by the human mind (wow, WHAT CONVENIENT!) and whose existence has never been mentioned or even hinted at in the entire franchise until CONCIDENTLY the aforementioned last third of the film.
In other words, a gigantic Deus Ex Machina created in an improvised way to avoid repeating End of Evangelion and forcing a happy ending where Shinji creates an ideal universe for each character (although that is questionable, as we will see later). And it is far from being the only one: the spear of Cassius, the Eva of Infinity, the key of Nebuchadnezzar, the Book of Life, and so on. None of these concepts are integrated into the plot in an organic and natural way, but rather they arise spontaneously at its convenience when it needs it. Except for the new "Super Berserker Mode" of the Evas, which is simply a power-up to sell figurines.
As I said before, if at least this were an alternate universe separate from the original anime, all this bombardment of concepts pulled out of the ass would be a little better justified. But the revelation that everything is a cycle and we are in the same universe as the original work only makes it even worse, generating countless inconsistencies about why they never mentioned this or never used that (what's the point of the seeds of life If you can create universes simply by imagining them?). Although without a doubt, the worst of all these new concepts is "the curse of Eve."
Here we have a new concept with very strong repercussions completely launched, which is not even an explanation in itself, it does not answer anything and to make matters worse, the same films contradict each other several times. Needless to say, this is a cheap excuse for the three main characters not to grow up and continue sexualizing 14-year-old girls after the most gratuitous timeskip ever seen. And speaking of timeskip, putting such a long one in the middle of the story is a first-time writing error. If you are writers, never do that: the bigger the time jump, the more things you will be forced to explain, since the less you do it, the more plot holes will form as a result.
And of course, here it explains little to nothing of what happened these 14 years. Like where Nerv got such a tremendous base from, if in 3.33 it seemed that together with Rei and Kaworu it was made up of four people. Or how they have gotten such an army of pseudo-Evas, especially when these are supposed to be extremely expensive (wow, and SEELE with all her unlimited resources was barely 9 in EoE). Or worse yet, how Kaji managed to stop Almost Third Impact (seriously, the name couldn't be stupider). None of these questions are answered at any time. Obviously because they can't do it.
Evangelion has always been characterized by leaving things up to the public's interpretation, but here I feel that they are vilely taking advantage of it so as not to have to give any kind of explanations. And in the case at hand, do not even pay attention to contradictions. Like Touji and Kensuke got on Unit 01 and that doesn't stop them from being 28 after the timeskip. Or that Mari appears to be 14 despite looking like an adult in Gendo's photos and flashbacks, plus the fact that Evas, by simple logic, could not exist back then.
The height of absurdity is when near the end of 3.0+1.01 the "unexpected" revelation occurs (actually we all saw it coming) that everything is a cycle and we are facing a reboot of the original timeline, of which only Kaworu seems to be conscious. He let them guess without giving them any clues how many times Kaworu mentioned or even hinted at such a thing in the original series. Needless to say, nothing is ever explained about it: Who created that cycle? (Adam? Lilith? The First Ancestral Race? Hideaki Anno's last name?) For what purpose? How does it work? How long does it last? Why is Kaworu the only one who remembers him? Do these remakes make sense?
THE DEATH OF A STYLE:
Fortress-cities folding in on themselves. Designs and constructions oscillating between the nineties, the utopian and the cyberpunk. Meshes of flesh and blood animated with the souls of the dead fighting with classical music in the background. A mysterious and ambiguous lore where aliens, technology and conspiracies mix with gnostic, cabalistic elements and the most esoteric aspects of Christianity (did the History Channel predict Evangelion?). Minimalist posters moving quickly between frames. Monochrome backgrounds flashing aggressively (bad luck if you were epileptic). So consistent with its themes that the A.T. fields themselves. They were an allegory of the hedgehog's dilemma (I'm not making this up, Kaworu himself says it in chapter 23).
https://imgur.com/a/2M0eDVK
The sum of all these factors is what allowed Evangelion to build an absolutely unique identity, the one that allowed people to say "hey, that's an Eva!". Starting in 3.33, all that is lost to disappear in 3.0+1.01 in favor of giant spaceships, mechanical mechas made of pure CGI, battles full of colored lights, multiverses and time loops. I'm not saying these elements are bad in and of themselves, but I've already seen a thousand mecha stories with these. For that, I start watching any of the versions of Gundam or Macross. I could also complain about the boring shots without audiovisual language and always using the same color palette, but to be fair, that is an endemic evil of current anime.
And like any bad remake, 3.0+1.01 can't help but pay homage to several scenes from the original work, completely failing to understand the point of said scenes. As an example, we have Ritsuko shooting Gendo for no reason other than to pay homage to End of Evangelion, ignoring that the context between both scenes is very different. Furthermore, here they never explain the relationship that exists between the two, so the scene makes no sense; especially for those who never saw the original series, who will also find mentions of facts that these films have never shown or bothered to explain.
Even worse is when they try to pay homage to the iconic battle between Asuka and the Eva Series. Not only because of the total absence of the graphic violence and choreography of the original, but because what makes that fight so remembered is its emotional component, since it is preceded by a narrative catharsis in which Asuka discovers that the Her mother's soul was always in Unit 02, in addition to being marked by the constant tension of knowing if she will be able to finish the fight before the Eva's energy supply runs out. Here the Evas never run out of energy (why do they need the power supply, then?), so there is no such tension.
In the original fight Asuka may not be shooting 1387945 Evas with a super cannon larger than her as she falls through an... interdimensional hole?; But there you feel every blow, you can appreciate every movement in detail, and the dramatic tension in crescendo only improves the result. If this were a shonen, the logical thing is that Asuka would win. After all, her character arc has been wrapped up in a climactic way. Unfortunately, this is Evangelion. When the Evas Series manage to cause a mortal wound with the pseudo-spear of Longinus and the energy counter reads zero, the outcome is already decided. What happens next is horrific (Asuka's enemies are cruel to her even after she is dead), and just as horrifying are Yūko Miyamura's screams and Miki Nagasawa's performance as Maya announcing that Asuka is dead. In the Rebuilds there are no performances anywhere near that level.
End of Evangelion will be as dark and uncomfortable to watch as you want, but it is a film where all those responsible put their souls into achieving the best possible result, both on a technical and artistic level.
and well, I think that for today I have already downloaded too much, an apology for the large amount of text, I will make a second part at another time because I have so many things to comment on... anyway, I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night or when you read this .