My partner and I have a very themed living space. We have a pet semetary where our boys have a grass patch and food bowls, my plants have black and white sandworm spikes that stick out to keep the boys from digging in them, I have glass skull jars for keeping moss balls, we are in the works of making a vampire crab tank that is castlevania themed, and I could go on. While we have name ideas for our litter bot (Carrie, Jason, Freddy, Michael, Milicent, Norman, Hannibal, etc), we were especially interested to see if anyone knew where to find decorations for litter bots. Considering that there are decorations available for robot vacuums (either diy or sold online), I was surprised to find nothing when I searched online for the same for litter robots. Do decorations (like stickers, paint, etc) mess with the calibration of the system? Has anyone tried decorating their litter bots to help them fit their decor or home, to add personality, or just because it is fun?

Feeling some writers block for the current arc I’m doing. Was wondering if anyone would be willing to help give me some ideas to help make things more interesting.
So just to give some premise the story is oc focused, although the did just infiltrate a young Weiss’s birthday party by being forced to crossdress as a young g debutante(I know there’s an oc thread, but I feel like I’d get more info here rather than there, even if a lot of it becomes basically hate mail) and takes place before the events of RWBY, at present time Ruby would be around 7 and the mc would be around 11. Anyways the arc involves the main character and his grandfather heading north to a hidden fortress where he meets one of his grandfathers oldest comrades.
The area is kind of like an old Slavic themed town surrounding a metallic black fortress which looked like it came out of a sci fi story.
Currently planned to have the mc meet with a new “team member” (story isn’t truly team focused though.) Then have him talk with his grandfathers comrade who reveals the fortress is built on a rift between worlds where they have imprisoned a beast of the apocalypse(which is actually pretty common, his grandfather and his comrades dealt with things capable of destroying the world all the time) and is used to travel to other worlds by delvers who bring back technology and see if they are compatible with the laws of remnant. Later maybe have some other people from there mcs generation try their hand at world delving.
There is a spirit co-inhabiting Lans body who belonged to a civilization pre dating the arrival of the gods of light and darkness. I plan to have its presence interfere with the world delving process and bring the mc and his traveling team to a place inhabited by the old gods.
Here i get a little uncertain how to proceed. 1. I’m uncertain whether I’d like them to delve another world and be pulled in on their way back or be pulled in. In the beginning of their delve. 2. His grandfather and his comrade are essentially demigods and could protect them from most things(even warp problems likely wouldn’t be an issue) and the old gods aren’t exactly dangerous, in fact they let the mortals just have the old universe when they rebelled against the gods(basically a bunch of chill logic based gods). So I’m not sure how to really give a sense of danger. 3. I’m not sure I should have a whole team together, you see one of the team i originally planned to have the mc meet in another arc, but that’s the only important part of that arc so I decided to just fuse it into this one, but I’m uncertain how much the character dynamics and interactions should change because of this. Or if I should even remove that arc in the first place.
All in all I think I just find the details I use to flesh out my current arc a little dry and boring, and was wondering if anyone had a good idea to make things more interesting. Like maybe a kind of world they visit before being pulled into the realm of the old gods. I’m running on empty, the only thing I can think of is a dark souls like world but that seems a bit too difficult to make interesting in the short term.
I dunno, I haven’t really talked to anyone about my writing in detail for a long time, and I’m at the time in my life when inspiration and motivation are running dry so I thought I’d just give things a try and ask around.
If you want more details feel free to ask, I’ll try to respond as best I can. And on the off chance you actually want to look at the story: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9860028/1/RWBY-The-Journeys-Of-Lan

Saw the post yesterday about how the brothel madame has a “scar” (it’s not a scar, is a protruding vein) on her left hand and it matches Michelle Bonnard’a hand and therefore, Aemond has to be with her. I want to counter that theory with a few comments/a theory of my own. I know the majority of people here (within this sub) just despise the idea of canon Helaemond and therefore will shoot down any theories surrounding them, but hear me out.
-For one, Phia has the exact same protruding veins in her hands as well. They’re in the same exact spot, right under the knuckle. Frankly, I think most women have them lol. It’s not a unique feature, and the only reason you can see it in the trailer shot is bc the woman is flexing her hand just a bit to hold Aemond’s arm. I’ll post Phia pics down in the comments to prove it.
-My theory is that the scene itself happens really early in the season; either 2x01 or early 2x02, before B&C happens. We see Aemond looking emotional/sad in the shot itself, so perhaps the context of the scene is that he is still dealing/processing Luke’s death and what happened in Storm’s End. He’s never going to admit to his family (or to anyone) that Luke & Arrax’s deaths were accidents. Doing so would mean he was an irresponsible, impulsive fool who can’t control his dragon, and he absolutely doesn’t want to be perceived that way. It would also just make him look weak in general, which again, he doesn’t want. So he has all these inner emotions of guilt and remorse and he has no outlet to turn to in order to help him process everything, except Helaena. Phia said herself that Helaena can see the future and the past, so perhaps she saw what really happened at Storm’s End & how everything was an accident, so she wants to comfort her brother & be there for him. She would be the only one who would truly understand. And if it is her and he’s laying on her naked, then it’s pretty clear that they’ve been together.
-I don’t think the scene takes place after B&C. With Ewan saying Aemond goes “black” this season, and with Tom also saying that Aemond “flies off the rails”, I think he’s going to be too enraged and too heartbroken* and too focused on revenge after Jae dies to do anything else but seek out vengeance. In the shot itself, Aemond doesn’t look absolutely destroyed. Sure, he looks sad, but again, Luke’s death & his guilt over Storm’s End could explain that.
-If you actually focus on the shot itself, you’d see that whoever Aemond is with is wearing a blue dress that seems to be pretty form fitting at the shoulders/bodice. The sleeves also seem very loose as well, and looks similar to the loose sleeved dresses both Alicent & Helaena wore in S1. Judging by what we can see, it definitely seems like a dress that’s fits regally/is worn by royalty, and doesn’t really appear like something a brothel girl/madame would wear. It seems modest and tight fitting; something that you wouldn’t find in a brothel itself.
-This isn’t really part of the theory itself, but my own personal opinion. Regardless of how “in his feelings” Aemond was, I don’t think he’d ever allow himself to be that vulnerable (naked, eyepatch off) with just anyone, much less than woman that abused him. That is definitely something that fits more with Aegon than with Aemond. His missing eye is a huge insecurity for him. I don’t think he takes it off freely in front of just anyone and leaves it off.
Yes, I realize that this post with probably be brigaded with antis and book purists and helaegon stans. I’d still love to have a civil discussion about it if possible though. Let me know what you think.

Who am I?

As stated in my profile's description, I am u/syko-san. Yes, the name is a bit cringe, but I made the account when I was an edgy 13 year old. Let's be real, a lot of us were pretty cringe in middle school. Anyway, I am a 19 year old university student and am currently working on getting my bachelor's degree. I have thought about getting a master's degree afterwards, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I do, in fact, suffer from mental health issues, but they are unrelated to Reddit and are mostly under control. I am being treated appropriately and, while I can't say I am quite as functional as the average person, I survive relatively okay thanks to the treatments and the help of people around me.

The Origins of Pixel Counter Bot

Let's start at the beginning. I knew about countablepixels long before the creation of the bot. It would come up in my feed and I'd also link it to posts with egregiously low resolution. One day, I noticed people actually counting the pixels in the comments and a thought occurred to me. "What if I automated it?" It seemed very doable at the time, as I've messed around with the Reddit bot API in the past for much smaller things, so I spent an hour or two haphazardly throwing the bot together, using a lot of old code I had stashed away from that past experience. I honestly expected people to get annoyed with the bot and for it to get banned within a few days of it going online for the first time. Imagine my surprise when I got contacted by one of the moderators, thanking me for my contribution to the subreddit's growth and giving me moderator status myself. This little dumb project that I made on a whim was getting a lot more love than I was expecting.
Anyway, so the bot continued to get more attention and one night, I woke up at like 1am and checked my phone to see how the account was doing. I saw a reply to one of its comments saying "Fuck you" so I had the bright idea of logging into the bot account and replying with "Shut the fuck up." to see if people would find it funny. It got a lot of attention, so my aggressive responses to things started becoming a theme of the account.

How I genuinely feel about the harassment

As with most bots on Reddit for some ungodly reason, the account got a lot of sexual comments and DMs. This made me very uncomfortable at first, and I decided to reply to them with my trademark exaggerated levels of aggression. After a while, I kind of got used to such comments and started ignoring them a bit. They don't bother me nearly as much anymore, and while I do find them pretty cringe, I'm not losing my sanity over them. Trust me, I've been through much worse.

The "war" with AnarchyChess

I've known about AnarchyChess for a long time as well. It's also a subreddit that would frequently appear in my feed. I was an avid chess player a very long time ago, so I understood most of the humor just fine. That said, please do not actually challenge me to a game of chess, I'm nowhere near as good as I used to be and will probably lose.
Anyway, a bot I knew about sent me a DM with a very descriptive marriage proposal. At the time, I was mostly done giving these comments and messages any attention because there were too many for me to reply to them all, but this one caught my attention. I decided to reply to it and keep an eye on things, then reply to some of u/MartinFromChessCom's comments with my trademark exaggerated aggression. It went okay at first, but things began escalating from there. Martin's creator messaged me on my main account making sure everything was okay, and I explained to him that it was mostly just theatrics, and I thought a "war" between subreddits could actually be pretty fun as long as nobody took it too seriously. He posted a screenshot from our conversation a little while ago, so feel free to take a look. I will also say, please do not send a any hate or harassment his way. I am on good terms with Martin and there is zero genuine beef between us. It was all just to put on a bit of a show.
Regarding my "ban" from AnarchyChess, I was never actually banned from the subreddit. I added a filter in the bot's code to make it ignore any posts from that subreddit because my presence there seems to have only caused trouble, and I do not want to cause any headaches for the moderators there. Additionally, please do not send any harassment towards the moderators of AnarchyChess. They have not wronged me in any way and have actually made statements trying to protect me.

Hello, I am 28 years old, I live in the UK (Yorkshire) and I have always been interested in older women. They are more seductive, flirtatious and have body awareness. I am a masseur and I am looking for a woman for yoni massage and getting to know each other. I don't go to clubs, so where can I meet a mature woman open to new experiences? Any online groups, active classes, or places where you can connect? Thank you in advance for all your tips and ideas. All the best, people

What Ideas do you guys have for board themes for maybe the next game.
Toy Dream is one of my favorite boards of all time and I love the aesthetic, so my Idea was a board called Toy Town and it would be very similar to Ribbon Road from Mario Kart as it takes place in a bedroom but there would be lots of different toys all around and covering the board.
I also love the idea of a board where the main feature is a waterfall and the board is split between a top and bottom section with different events and ways to swap between the sections. It would cool if you could go behind the waterfall aswell. The overall area could be inside a jungle.
I would love your ideas on what cool themes they could do.

Hello, reddit! I've never posted on here, so I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. My partner and I are expecting a baby in September, with our shower in July. We want to have our shower be DND-themed, and he and I have invited both of our parties (we're both DM's), so we thought a dnd-theme would be fun! I need some ideas for games and possibly decor. Any ideas?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since the end of last semester. I thought I knew who I was and what I needed to do in order to make sure I was leading a fulfilling life for myself. But I’m just so confused now.
I thought that studying Psychology would be the best choice for my path in post secondary. To keep in brief, after graduating high school, two very close loved ones passed away one after another. I started university at Queens, then went to film school, and now I’m here. I already feel super behind my peers because of this, and I continually try to remind myself that it’s not a race, but it just feels like I’m not where I’m supposed to be. For my entire life, I thought I was going to go into the arts. The only thing that has stayed relatively consistent in my life is my love for songwriting and poetry. But the idea of working inside a world of careers that lack security makes me want to throw up.
When I started at UTSC I decided I was going to get a degree in creative writing, but after having a pretty shitty experience in ENGA03 I decided I wanted to study psychology. But right now I am in an English major with a psychology and women and genders studies minor. I remember my family being so proud when they found out I wanted to get a masters in psychology, and that pride rings through my head everytime I think of this topic.
I thought psychology would be the right choice because it would separate the things I love from my work. And provide me with much needed security. As time has went on I’ve sort of come to the realization that i have almost no motivation to do well in my psychology courses.
And it’s not that I’m not understanding the material - it’s that I’m genuinely not studying. I have no motivation to attend any of the lectures for any of my psychology classes. And for the majority of my semesters so far I’ve been taking mainly psychology courses. But last semester I decided to take a couple of English courses as well (as I didn’t get the grades required for a specialist in psychology, but for a major). Being forced to minor in English was such an eye opener the past few months.
So last semester i ended up going to every single one of my English classes. I got a 90 in one and an 80 in another. My gpa is so thankful as I’ve only been pulling 60s so far.
My grades in psychology wouldn’t even allow me to get a masters where I’m at. But the idea of going into English and creative writing terrifies me. What if there are no jobs?
One thing I feel is important to mention is I’m autistic. This is so fundamental in my identity, and the idea of working a job without security scares me.
I feel as though I may just be wildly uneducated on the types of careers in that industry. Im hoping maybe someone will have more insight.
I imagine how beautiful my life would be if I pursued a career in writing creatively but the fear of the instability rings in my head.
In order for me to even major in psychology I’d have to take high school biology and math (as I never took these in my final year due to me thinking I’d pursue a career in the arts). I’ve signed up for these courses and they expire in August. But I’ve not started either one of them. I just can’t seem to muster up enough motivation to do them.
But this just makes me even more depressed and feeling like I am just lazy. But those few English courses have really given me an eye opener.
I really am so grateful if you’ve read this far. If you have any advice I’m happy to hear it. I’m feeling really lost so I’m sure anything would help.

I posted a couple days ago what I think would be a great idea for cosmetics but I don't think anyone seen it, so hopefully someone sees it this time.
I don't know if it would be possible to add, but I was thinking about what if a Wardrobe feature was added under Cosmetics, next to Outfits and Weapons.
The whole point of the wardrobe feature would be to mix and match the different Outfits that you own.
E.g. If you play as Johnny then go to "Cosmetics" and then "Wardrobe". You would have 4 options. HEAD, BODY, LEGS AND FEET. For HEAD you could keep the DEFAULT head, but then under BODY you could equip the SHIRTLESS body, and then for LEGS you could equip the STALKER LVL99 Legs, and then for FEET go for the STALKER LVL99 Shoes just to keep the blackout theme.
And to also spice it up, if you own the BLOODY KILLER pack then add an option for Blood, if you equip it then it adds blood to the whole outfit as if the blood was already part of the whole outfit you just put together.
The whole point is to edit all the Outfits you own and match them together and create your own colour theme and such.

Sorry for the long post but I need to vent and no one in my life cares enough to listen. I M(23) on paper should be having a great life. I grew up middle class, never missed a meal, was a competitive swimmer (those who swam know it’s an expensive sport), went on vacations and had all my needs taken care of. I graduated college and have very manageable student loans; I work a decent paying job, with great benefits, where I can save a lot for my future because I live at home, I’ve had trouble with my parents in the past, but we have worked through our issues, so it hasn’t been awful. From the outside I have the stereotypical middle-class upbringing, I am very thankful that my parents have provided me with everything and on paper I should be thriving, I work out daily, eat healthy and take my dog on a walk, but I am fucking miserable.
I’ve had depression since I was about 16 and it’s been on/off, in high school it was bad but high school just sucks anyway. When I went to college, I thought things would be different, but I was wrong. I had a good time in college and made good memories, but I was a shell of my former self by the end. I would do anything to help others not feel how I was feeling, which lead to everyone saying they “would do anything for me” or that they “loved” me, it was all a bunch of bullshit, no one cared about be, no one was worried when I would go quiet or not show up to gatherings. My coaches didn’t care either, they belittled me daily, told me I wasn’t good enough or that I need to be more like the better people on the team, they gave up on me when I needed help. I spent months in therapy talking through my problems because of them, a coach who breaks you down to nothing can really mess you up. I quit mid-season of my junior year because I couldn’t take it anymore, I was horribly depressed, I resented everything and everyone. All through high school I was told that I wasn’t good enough, all through college I was told I wasn’t good enough and it brought me to tears daily, who the fuck tells a young kid that they aren’t good enough to succeed????
I thought graduating college would make my life a bit better but boy was I wrong. I got a starter job out of school for a decent company but they never gave me work and the pay was shit, I got told I was doing most things wrong but “they just loved having me”. This job really starting hitting me hard because I was stuck in an office with no windows and couldn’t really go outside and the work was depressing. My depression has been prevalent since my senior year since I lived in a shitty situation with roommates. I was breaking down and couldn’t stop, therapy wasn’t helping, my parents had no idea what was going on and my friends just ignore me when I’m low. For some background my romantical life doesn’t exist, whatever it is women want I just don’t have, I’ve been ghosted countless time and have been told that I’m not a catch. My friends however love telling me about all the women they have been on dates with or had sex with, then they always make fun of my inability to talk to women. I am saying this because I was doing ok for a while and trying to work on myself and manage the job trying to make it better, but I made a stupid choice (yes I know it was my fault and I have no one to blame but myself) and got sexually extorted. Just my luck that the one person who feigned interest in me was just extorting me for money. I lost a good amount over it and was ready to off myself because I couldn’t stop thinking why the fuck did this happen to me, of all people why me? What deity did I piss off so much that they decided to fuck with me like that. They eventually released my pictures but thankfully no one has said anything to me and that was months ago.
Since that incident I have been living in a fugue state where I am so disconnected from reality that I have no idea what is wrong with me. The last time I was truly happy was when I got my dog and he is the only thing that makes me smile anymore, I have no joy or passions, nothing excites me. I’m irritable all the time and just not a joy to be around. I’m constantly told how much money my friends make and how much sex they have and that they have better jobs and how my degree is useless (marketing). I don’t fit in anywhere and my new job is ok, but I have zero work and don’t fit in. I feel useless and feel like I am constantly making the wrong decisions, because I am being told how successful my friends will be compared to myself. Even my therapist ghosted me, and I haven’t been to another one because I don’t have the energy to set up the appointments, I feel like the end of the road is coming quick and am losing hope for anything getting better. I mean who wants a below average looking guy with no hobbies or passions working a middle of the road job? I try doing yoga and meditation daily, but things aren’t getting better, everything that I have dealt with is compounding into one big issue and I just don’t have the strength to fight anymore.
Sorry for the long post but venting helped a bit. TLDR I am miserable and things aren’t looking better.

Hiya Cooking!
In three weeks I'll be attending a potluck picnic and I'm struggling with what to bring. Everyone does potato salad, or coleslaw, or deviled eggs. I'd like to bring something a little different but I'm just not sure what, so I was hoping maybe you all could give me some ideas?
I have a few conditions.

• It needs to be relatively easy to eat as sitting room is limited at this venue.
  
• It doesn't have to be extravagant, it doesn't not have to be either.
  
• It needs to travel well. It's going to have to be in the car for two hours. I have a small cooler, but I won't be able to put like a huge casserole dish in there.
  

So...now that I've made it hard, any ideas?
Thanks for reading my request for help!

Howdy folks, hear me out here! There's always new releases coming out for PC tech and I'm well aware that "timing the market" isn't really a thing... but I'd like to try.
Context:
6-7 years ago, I got an intel 8700K + normal mobo, 32gb DDR4, 1080Ti... and I've been using that for gaming ever since. Granted, the 1080ti from 2017 has REALLY held up so far, even allowing 1440p gaming on medium graphics nowadays... I suspect that the thermal paste on the CPU / GPU has come and gone as it's been giving me some overheating issues recently. I still can play on 1080p with low graphics and helldive with my friends often, I just wish that the game wasn't looking so muddy lol.
The reason I haven't been looking at much of the gaming PC building world is because during the covid period, I completely transitioned over to a Macbook Pro workflow for my photo/video full-time work. I couldn't wrap my head around spending even more money on a rig just for gaming, as I didn't need the pure processing power for my work exports/rendering on a windows machine.
What I want to do:
Now with the overheating issues and the fact that I have some ✨diSpOsAbLe iNcoMe✨ I'm thinking of getting a new tower to do some more graphics intensive gaming. Think 1440p / 4K gaming in cyberpunk2077, Helldivers2, Starfield etc. I have S$2-3k to get a new tower, and hopefully it can last me 5-6 years of gaming before becoming a potato.
When should I take the plunge?
Someone told me that with Computex around the corner, it would be a good idea to wait it out and see. Would that be a fair point, considering that I am willing to wait 3-4 months? I've heard good things about AMD and their value proposition and am likely to go with them. If anyone has any build recommendations on items i should definitely buy / anchor in the build, I'd be happy to listen!
I'm not likely to want to physically build the tower myself just on a time/effort basis, so I'd probably head over to Sim Lim Square for that... is there a de facto shop nowadays that's decent for their pricing and customisation? I used to do builds via Fuwell and PC Themes.
//
Thanks a bunch folks!

BLUF: Autistic people, currently, especially those who present as having “woman autism” are being used as props. This is good for no one.
People with autism seem almost to be, in Langston Hughes’ phrase “in vogue” (and as he noted, their wages – and acceptance – aren’t growing any). One example is that for those with “woman autism”, there has been an adoption by other women as something like magic pixie dream girls (that is, they’re used, if only rhetorically, for others’ aggrandizement). This is exemplified by the meme “girls with autism vs. boys with autism” [an example], which is patently mocking toward the latter (though by the comments on such productions, “the latter” can’t quickly pinpoint the mockery, which increases the “hilarity”. And if you believe in upping autistic solidarity, downing bullying, you’ll downvote such memes thoroughly. That few people do that, is indicative of the commonest human attitude toward autistic people).
But this is only one instance: in fact, events such as “autism awareness month” are instituted by non-autistic people and have, on this writer’s assessment, nihl positive impact for actually autistic people. (Have personally observed people use the word “autistic” as a derogatory, later proudly construct “AAM” banners). So what (aside from “Autism Speaks” Naked Lust For Profit) are autistic people used for?
Implicit in the idea of the “Manic Pixie Aspergirl”, specifically, seems to be the notion that women lack social grace and emotional intelligence, if, and only if, they’re “diseased”. Ergo, “healthy” women must have loads of “EQ”, which authorizes women’s gaining preeminent political power, which aim is implicit in most social justice discourse (e.g., Justice Ginsberg’s implicit claim that nine women justices would somehow be better able to rule on prostates, than nine men would be able to rule on ovaries.) Efforts for social justice are not “wrong”; they do currently incline toward power struggles that tend to injustice, as we’ll show.
Victims deserve an end to their victimization. Yet, to achieve power in pursuit of this aim, implies surmounting (or establishing) a power hierarchy – but hierarchy implies the caste systems of power which enable and indeed, require, victimization, e.g., of the out-group or underclass of the hierarchy (so that Ms. Wilkerson’s analysis is incomplete: hierarchy is a general condition of humans’ acting in concert [discounting the “free association” notion of anarchism, as seldom-observed, though anarchism as a field is a lamentably neglected]. Ergo, victimization of someone is intrinsically associated with a “society”).
If autistic people are only an abstract group in need of “awareness”, and at that, used for the benefit of others (or for non-autistics to flatter themselves with their unmerited attention bestowed unto the “sick”), then better to eschew society and its incessant victimizing hierarchies altogether.
Indeed, the general characteristic of autism is a difficulty in operating with non-autistics; we suppose any society, hierarchical or no, if majority non-autistic, tends to exclude them. So long as the non-autistic people exist and are in a majority, operation for autistic people is a basic impossibility.
Anyone who claims to be an “ally” of autistic people therefore must be a hypocrite, or disingenuous; most are parents for whom their autistic children are less a loved-one, than a problem . They’re happy to use autistic people as cudgels against Lena Dunham or Sia, or whomever, in their “who’s ‘in’, who’s ‘out’” one-upmanship social games. They don’t, e.g., accept stimming is just something some people do sometimes. No reason to think they ever will.
Besides, alliance implies reciprocity. Social reciprocity, in which autistic people will not be allowed to participate, and there’s no evidence “allies” have ever or will ever be recompensed in any way for any pains they take, nor are they historically useful for liberation anyway. And hypocrisy is the beginning of willful injustice as contradiction is of logical error.
(For how is it the inventors of heroin and rape should describe anyone else as “disordered”? And these people actually think there’s such a thing as “eye contact”, that that isn’t just staring at someone’s eye-holes, which it is, actually. As if any given facial configuration can’t indicate at least two emotions, as it does, so that they “read body language” as only what their wishful thinking makes it – which is what they actually do, and why harassment happens. In short, if they’re so damn “ordered”, and so superior in communicating: how could war exist? It couldn’t – ergo, they aren’t ordered. And so if truly a “bellum omnium contra omnes”, then how to cooperate to negotiate a social contract? So Thomas Hobbes was wrong).
People don’t actually like one another – which you’ll learn if ever you try to make the world a better place, after you fail because nobody would let you. How could they: nobody without autism notices enough to know anyone or anything else (which is the actual difference: the humans don’t notice jack sh*t. They just assume by wishful thinking: “I want you, so your face means you want me”; “I hate you, so your face is provoking me”. Autistic people notice the details and have to think it all through, and that can take years; lively conversations can’t take years, and people without pleasing conversation are disregarded).
The solution is to follow Charles Bukowsky’s epitaph-advice. And don’t ever try to have sex with anybody, and don’t want to. Everyone follows that advice: no more harassment. Who could ask for anything more? Besides, if it were so damn good why aren’t they always doing it? But they aren’t. So it isn’t. And it isn’t.
Whereas “Tohru Honda”-esque compassion that might make life bearable is nowhere observed, nor practiced.
Nor anyway is life “meaningful”: Psalm 30, verse ten/Psalms), flatly states the author did not believe in a “heaven” in spite of their supposed proximity to miracles. Hence the other Abrahamic faiths falter as genetic errors, descended from Judaism, considering the appeal of them all was an ultimate heavenly reward for the ills of life. Other faiths are inadequate, example, Buddhism’s compassion is in opposition to its non-attachment.
From all we now know and seemingly could know, life is as rolling a four on a pair of dice. It just happened. It doesn’t matter. (Obvious after attending at another’s deathbed, and being in a car that “died”. Only recently are both possible, and only recently is the former rare, so few know. In each case, they make odd noises, and then they just – stop. No “soul”, unless cars have souls. Soul a misconception).
It’s important only if there were someone to say: “If I roll a four, we all get laid.” In the beginning there was no such storyteller. Stories – lies – are the only thing that present an appearance of good in life. This is a “tragedy” only for humans telling a tragedy-tale. For the universe, it’s just something that happened. And later will unhappen. And never mattered, as accidents just happen, don’t “mean”.
It's difficult to avoid telling stories to yourself, but it’s the only way to acceptance which is all that you’ll ever have, since you can accept losing everything, too. The most beautiful lie is still only a lie, and it’ll leave you when you need it, because it was never there.
Probably better to leave.

I was really excited to finally try Arc when it comes to windows as people seemed to love it and it always looked interesting and clean to me. Here I will write a short review of what i've noticed with using it a few days.
I won't touch so much on the subject on side tabs, Spaces, "bookmarks", these are not really issues and are definitely subjective and different, some people might like the new approach, some dont.
Here's a quick summary of my thoughts on the most notable "features" (Sidenav, Spaces, Different Logic for Bookmarks)

• I personally like the side nav, i like how easy it is to see everything and is forcing me to use my keaboard more for navigation (Ctrl+S, Ctrl+T, Ctrl+W), which i enjoy. It also looks great
• Spaces, and similar features like it in other browsers, is something that's not a part of my workflow typically. I like everything in one place and don't like unnecessary overhead. However, i see great potential in this for people who want to separate personal life and work, or multiple different works in an organized way.
• I don't use bookmarks as heavily as some people either, but it definitely feels weird having them act as tabs, maybe I could get used to it.

I just wanted to mention those obvious and biggest selling points of Arc; however, these are subjective features and changing the way people think about browsers and navigation, I don't want to talk about this atm. Each person should decide if they like what Arc has to offer when it comes to these "breaking" changes.
I also don't want to talk about any early Windows bugs, I'm sure those will be sorted out soon.
What I primarily wanted to talk about is some missing features. Sadly, at this point in time, Arc feels like a downgrade. Many features are missing or abstracted in a very weird way, and its not clear why, most of the things I'm about to talk about would not impact the "nature" of Arc, so I'm not sure why they were left out or not implemented.

1. Favourites (Quick access, or h/e you wanna call it)

When I started using Arc, considering that there is no way to customize the default home page, I was disappointed to see that theres no way for me to quickly open up some my most visited places. Then i found the Favourites, and i was pleasantly surprised, they looked clean, were accessible at all times, didn't take up too much space, perfect. That's what i thought until i was disappointed again.
The way favourites behave is just dumb, i have no other way of putting it. Its horrible and mostly unusable.
Example: Let's say I favorite Netflix. I click on it to open it, it's not gonna create a new tab, its just gonna open it in favorites. I play a movie and navigate off. There is NO WAY for me to tell that Netflix was ever even opened, that I have an entire movie playing in the background, i would have no idea where its coming from, what is playing, or anything about it, until i finally click on it to see whats going on. It's a horrible experience.
This somewhat intertwines with the way current "bookmarks" behave, except that this type of behavior is never expected from a quick-access menu. Atm these are just glorified tabs, but worse since they have no title, no indicators for being opened or playing audio, nothing.
To fix this simply make clicking on this open a new tab, I don't see how the current approach is better.

2. Titles

I can't for the life of me figure out why this is the case, but some webpage titles are overridden. Most notably I noticed Gmail, but I think i saw other cases as well.
In other browsers the title bar would show something like: Inbox(5) - [myemail@gmail.com](mailto:myemail@gmail.com)
In Arc it shows: Gmail
Just why? A very useful piece of information coming from the third party website itself is overridden for a worse user experience.

3. Multi-monitomulti-window support

For this part it might be important to notice the difference between Windows and Mac users. Correct me if I'm wrong but Mac seems typically focused on one monitor (considering the product), and the workflows for MacOS apps are built with that in mind. I'm not saying that all windows users use multiple monitors, in fact most don't, but it seems more common to have those types of customizability.
Now that Arc is on Windows the "Mac way of doing things" seems to remain, and everything feels slightly off.

• Technically you can have multiple arc windows, but the only way to make them is to drag and drop tabs. However, this creates an entirely new unnamed new space, and I'm not sure if that is what i would want.
• Creating new windows lacks the UX compared to Chrome, where you can just drag it out anywhere and it works natively the way a windows app is expected to.
• Middle-clicking the Arc icon in the taskbar doesn't do anything (should open a new window). And Right Click->New window opens the original Space with the same tabs,it feels very off and buggy, I don't see the benefit.
• Splitting is probably the closest I found to match the way I typically use a browser. However these are also not very intuitive, its hard to navigate, replace/add/close tabs, theres a weird white border, you cant split vertically

4. Settings

I couldn't wait to dive into the settings and personalize my Arc experience to fix all of these "issues" I was having. Only to find that settings pretty much don't exist. There is nothing.
(I'm not talking about chromium settings, these need to exist. But even these are impossible to find for an average user)
Here are all the available options

• Change the Theme between the two (they seem exactly the same)
• Change default search engine
• Setup when tabs are archived
• THATS IT, those 3 settings are the only ones that exist.

In such an "innovative" browser I expected intinitely more options to tweak things around. The way it currently is, if you don't like Arcs very opinionated way of doing things, you can't do anything about it. This is probably one of my biggest downsides.

5. Why?

• Opening a URL/Search window always shows "The Browser Company" youtube channel as one of the option? At least disable it when opened once, or put more rows in this menu, you remove an entire space for most recently opened places for an ad.
• Navigating off a page playing a puts a video in a small window over your other stuff. Maybe 1/20 times i watch a video I might want this to happen, the rest of the time, its a music video, podcast, something to listen to, you just navigated quickly off of it, etc. At least add an option to remove this. (As I was writing this i found a way to disable the "picture in picture", I will leave the section to show my initial thought, but im pleasantly surprised i was able to fix this and im willing to give other features a try the same way)

Conclusion

I will still be using Arc for a while to see if I can get used to some of my current pain-points and to give it a better shot, as well as wait for potential upgrades.
Let me know what you guys think and if you found a workaround for some of my issues. Or have any other benefits to Arc that i filed to notice.
Thanks for reading

I (F34) and my husband (M34) have been married for 10 years. I used his instagram to search for something. I don't have my own instagram. When I clicked on the search icon all of the videos I could see were of women in provocative outfits, half naked, etc. It took me aback because the last time I used his instagram a few months ago the videos suggested were mainly bikes, and a random woman here and there. After I brought up to him how uncomfortable seeing that made me and I would feel better if I could look at his instagram, he said it was childish, that the instagram algorithm isn't accurate. He left the room enraged and came back 20 min later. When he came back he mentioned I can look through his phone anytime but I told him that makes no sense because he left the room giving him plenty of time to delete whatever he needed to! I just have no idea what to do next. How do I trust him?
Some important Backstory: He emotionally cheated while we dated and twice while married. I.e: he flirted via text with women. After tons of counseling I felt like we got to a great spot in our marriage. We have been married for 10 years. He cheated over 5 years ago and I have not felt any inclination that he was cheating.
Side note: he swears he doesn't watch porn. I've told him that's fine but I'd like to see what he watches or if we can watch it together.

After 14 yrs of marriage I realised that I’m trapped in a sad relationship, we had some good moments but recently she’s no more caring about my sexual needs, she doesn’t care if I see her beautiful or not, she’s not doing any efforts to add excitement to sex, she even never accepts to put some makeup or wearing any sexy lingerie. But she wants to visit her friends or when she goes out with them, she geta ready like a pride. She had never worked before and now she’s getting a degree but she doesn’t want to help the family, she believes that whatever she earns is her’s only, and during all the yrs of our marriage, I was giving her a monthly cash in hand for her needs like clothing and accessories. I’m feeling deeply betrayed, and in one of our fights I just couldn’t hold it more and I told her that I’m not in love with her anymore, she simply denied it and I apologised to her as after all, we have 3 kids that I want to protect that I really care about. Recently I started thinking that having an affair with other married women might help me, I’m getting in a very deep depression that I started drinking every two or three nights, and got back smoking. I have no energy to work and I started hating myself and my life. I’m not into going to a sex worker, because it’s only about sex, it’s about feeling appreciated. It isn’t a good idea and I know it, but I have no friends to trust close enough to tell them about it, as well as I don’t believe that my parents or siblings are close enough to me to vent out to them. I want to feel guilty so that I’d feel that there’s a reason not to walk out of the door.

*Warning, long post*
Something that I have been pondering my orb about for a long time, is the (causal) relationship the planes have with each other and how they affected another, either directly or indirectly.
I will start with an overview of the planes and their known (meaning explored in canon and kanon sources) relationships with each other. I added sources for some of the statements, because I am a nerd, mainly Exploring Eberron. They might not be perfectly precise though, and some parts of my statements may be from other sources, so sorry if I forgot to add them.
It is a common theme of eberron that the planes are largely self-contained, unchanging, concept-dominated realities, safe for a few exceptions (Dal Quor, Thelanis, Dolurrh), and that they do largely not interact with one another. Furthermore, their inhabitants either don't care about the happenings on other planes (ExE 144) or simply study/monitor them, like the panopticon of Daanvi (ExE 151) or the schoolars of Syrania (ExE 189-190, 193). (Addition: Curiously, this part is a bit contradicted by the astral plane section of Chronicles of Eberron (Page 113), which states that outer planar immortals use the astral plane to travel between the outer planes. Examples are an archfey being transported to daanvi for judgement or a syranian virtue traveling to the infinite archive. So there appears to be some kind of interaction and interest for another among the outer planes.)
The material plane is the centre of the planar system where all the planar concepts come together, and it feels the effects of the planes the most, due to manifest zones, wild zones and the lunar phases.
The likes of Daanvi, Kythri, Xoriat, Lamannia, Mabar, Irian, Fernia, Risia, Shavarath and Syrania are not affected by happenings on neither the material, nor other planes. Events that transpire in the material, for example, no matter how cataclysmic they may be (like the eon-spanning reign of the overlords, the reality-transforming experiments of the Daelkyr and the destruction of the moon cyra, are simply (seemingly) inconsequential to them (Except for Daanvi's Solar of Dal Quor, Tyrala, who vanished after leaving to investigate Dal Quor after Cyra's destruction (ExE 150)).
On the other hand, the likes of Dolurrh, Dal Quor and Thelanis strongly feel the effects of events on the material, and to some degree even another.
Dal Quor's dream of the age is very likely (We don't entirely know) determined by the collective emotions and dreams of the mortals of the material plane, over extended periods of time (ExE 153). The Age of the Dreaming Dark was probably ushered in due to the destruction of Cyra and the detremential consequences it had for the giants and the material world as a whole.
Similairly, Thelanis is affected by the stories mortals tell, and their archfey are actively manipulating events on the material plane to make sure that they stay in power, grow in power, or that a rival looses power (ExE 195). Furthermore, the Feyspires of the Moonlit Valey manifest regulairly in specific manifest zones of the material plane, during the coterminous phases of Rhaan, leading to even greater interaction with the material. Thanks to the mourning, some or all of these might even be (If one wants it to be so in their eberron) permanently manifested on the material plane (ExE 196). Additionally, some of the Feyspires are even linked to other planes, like Shae Tirias Tolai to Dolurrh (https://keith-baker.com/silver-and-bone/) or Taer Lian Doresh (ExE 154).
Dolurrh is logically affected and based on the continued precept of mortals dying. The mortal soul passes to dolurrh after death and is proccessed through the planes natural effects (ExE 156-157), and later on through the more precise processing by the librarian, the smith of souls or the queen of the dead herself (ExE 157-158). All in all, every event that transpires in dolurrh is connected to the precept of mortal death, which makes sense, as it is its purpose to serve as the end of the journey, or the beginning of the next (ExE 156). While something like this has probably never happened before, if by some means no mortals would die anymore, dolurrh's existence would essentially be defunct. This is more of a strong hypothetical, yes, but my point for these planes stands.
Drastic changes on the material will change cause drastic changes to the three aformentioned planes. Mortal dreams and feelings change the theme of Dal Quor's heart, mortal stories and tales change the themes of thelanis and mortal soul processing is essentially the entire 'economy' of dolurrh, so to speak.
For the final part of this overview, I want to talk about Xoriat. In Exploring Eberron (Exe 199) it was established that the Xoriat exists out of time and that the daelkyr can reshape the material plane as they see fit, by manipulating its position in the maze of reality. This happened at least once and possibly even numerous times. When the prime material plane is changed and the former incarnation discarded, it does not simply change the present, but also the past and the future. Thus Xoriat's influence is not simply limited to time-travel, but even the alteration of the timeline itself into an alternate reality. When this happens or happened, some things remain(ed) unchanged. The progenitors, as the creators of the multiverse, always remain, but their battle might have transpired differently. As described in the Keith's blog post on Gem Dragons (https://keith-baker.com/dm-gem-dragons/), in 'Githeberron' Khyber might not have destroyed Siberys' body, but instead his mind, giving an explanation for the source of psionics as opposed to arcane magic. This was called the 'Dream of Siberys', as opposed to the Blood of Siberys, and the Gem dragons are the children of eberron infused with the Dream of Siberys. In the comments, Keith even suggest that in Githeberron or another alternate reality, Khyber was broken apart by Eberron and encased a wounded Siberys to stabilize him, creating a Ring of Khyber and a underworld of siberys instead. In the same comment, he states that the maze of reality can only affect the material plane and the outer planes remain unchanged, supporting the concept that they were constructed as the building blocks of material reality.
With these points in mind, I have been wondering about the impacts and consequences of the following hypothetical a canon events. I would like to hear your opinions on these.
Age of Demons: During the Age of Demons, which supposedly lasted since almost the beginning of time and for eons, the godlike overlords reigned over the mortal children of eberron and the celestial children of siberys uncontested. There was nothing but suffering, misery, agony, fear, it was literal hell on eberron for most of the world's history. - During that time, how would this have affected the planes? As far as I know, this was never adressed before in any capacity. - Did the perpetual suffering of mortals lead to a permanent nightmare dream of the age on Dal Quor? - Did this constant of mortal suffering lead to the layers of Thelanis being mainly defined by sorrowful and dark stories, for misery is all mortal-kind knew during this age? - Did Feyspires manifest on eberron during that time, and if so, what relationship could the fiends have had with the fey?
Reality-Rewrite by the Daelky: As mentioned in the overview, the daelkyr have, at least once, fully rewritten the entire history of the material world. While I already pointed out that most planes are self-contained and either don't care or mostly don't care about the material, there are some things that are bugging me about the premise of this entire concept. - If the planes are unaffected by the meddling of the daelkyr with the material, does that mean that, for example, the infinite archive of daanvi contains the knowledge of not just the entire history of our prime material plane, but every other prime material plane that has ever existed? And if not, does that mean its archives are being rewritten everytime the prime material changes, thus meaning it is affected indirectly? - The same goes for the vault of memories of dolurrh. Are the stored memories of mortals erased and replaced by those of the dead of the new reality, or does the vault contain the memories of the dead of previous incarnations of the material plane? - Similairly to the parts about thelanis and Dal Quor during the Age of Demons, are the Dream of the Age and the stories of Thelanis rewritten to fit the themes of the newly imposed material reality, or do they stay the same? - On that note, do you think the Daelkyr have to conquer a world first to be able to reshape it with the maze of reality, or can they just do it at any time? If the former is necessary, how is it possible that a single dragon, Vvaraak, had the knowledge of how to (potentially) permanently halt the advancement of the daelkyr and prevent them from rewritting reality as we know it? It seems absurd that no one in the past incarnations of reality had that idea before, especially as Githeberron was described as a far more harmonous and united world (See Sardior https://keith-baker.com/dm-gem-dragons/), with just as powerful and knowledgable dragons. (Note: This point can probably be easily resolved by keeping the incomprehensible and enigmatic plans of the daelkyr in mind, for they may be even want to be bound and knew this would happen.) - Finally for Xoriat, if the planes are unaffected, does that mean that they may have remains of mortals or mortal meddling of past incarnations of the material in some of their layers? For example, the frost giants are living on risia, essentially preserved forever, due to the plane's properties. If that is the case, would the astral plane not be the only plane with remains of past incarnations of eberron, as described in Chronicles of Eberron (Page 114). And if the remains vanish once the material is rewritten, these planes are also indirectly affected by the meddling of the daelkyr
Destruction of Cyra and the moons in general: The destruction of the moon cyra, by the Cul'sir dominion, is a monstrous fact in itself, with immense implications. - If the moons are the anchors of the outer planes to the material, and are an essential part of the material plane itself, what would happen if they are all destroyed? Would the material plane even be able to continue to properly function, or would it only affect manifest zones and have no other effect whatsoever (as it seems to be the case with Dal Quor, and to some extent Xoriat with the Gatekeeper seals). If the later is true, why do the moons exist in the first place? What is their purpose in the fabric of the material plane (Except for being a really cool gameplay and narrative tool for interplanar shenanigans)? - Regarding the former part, do the dragons simply have the power to destroy the moons and cut of all the planes from the material forever? They teached the giants arcane magic, and while the giants likely developed the means to destroy the moon themsevles, the dragons could surely do it as well without many problems. - Another curious fact is mentioned in the Dal Quor section of Exploring Eberron (Page 159), which states that not even planeshift or astral travel can get you to Dal Quor or vice versa. The later is further elaborated on in the astral plane section of chronicles of eberron (Page 115), which states that the color pools (which allow interplanar travel between the planes and the astral plane) of Dal Quor are impossibly black and inaccessable. With these two things in mind, are the moons not evidently much more important to the multiverse as a whole than just for the material plane? Without the moons, interplanar travel by any means is impossible, for any plane. To further emathize on my former point with this, do the dragons simply have the power to destroy the fabric of the entire multiverse by blowing up the moons? That would be incredibly wild and almost absurd, and I cannot imagine that the inhabitants of the outer planes would simply not care, if their only means of interplanar travel is destroyed by the seemingly irrelevant mortals. - Finally, this also brings up a wild question regarding my penultimate part about the previous section for the daelkyr: Could one theoretically blow up Lharvion and prevent the daelkyr from ever meddling with the material plane again, and thus preventing them from altering reality? Also, if the effects of the destruction of cyra are present in the timeless astral plane, which contains countless remains of stuff from the previous incarnations of eberron, and even prevent the other planes from reaching Dal Quor, does that mean Cyra has been wiped out from all possible incarnations and alternate timelines of eberron? This hypothesis is probably the wildest one in this whole post!
Finally, I want to ask you all: What theories do you have about the planes and their interconnections? How do they interact in your eberron, if at all? What things transpired between them in your eberron and what wild events occured in your planar systems?
With all that said, I think I finally reached the end of my essay. Thanks to anyone who takes their time to read this post and I am very curious about your opinions and theories. Cheers! ^^

I know this is unnecessarily long, so if you are not in the mood for reading, I understand. But I would greatly appreciate anyone who would take the time to read my story that is probably TMI and badly in need of some editing. I just really need some advice from people whose heads are less cloudy than mine.
My fiancé M/42 and I F41 have been together for about 4 years and have known each other since high school. I knew he was a recovering addict when I got together with him but I fell head over heels in love and didn’t see the relapse on the horizon that would occur shortly after the honeymoon phase and would eventually almost kill me - I took a swipe of some mystery powder and touched it to my tongue (fentanyl) thinking it would help me get through the most stressful day of my life as i was ceaning out his place while I was packing him up for detox. It was a total freak accident, I’m not an addict, never done anything like that in my life, I’m a single mom and a kindergarten teacher, but I loved him so much I just followed him down the rabbit hole and honestly just became so disoriented in this world I (naively) didn’t understand or even realize I had signed up for.
Anyway, He literally saved my life, and said I also saved his, because that day is what motivated him to get and stay clean for good despite being an active heroin addict for the majority of his life.
He worked an incredibly thorough program, and he gained more friends, money, and more overall success in 2 years than I’ve been able to scrounge up in an entire lifetime. And it’s no surprise honestly. He’s a special person. Absolutely brilliant, charismatic, driven, and has a heart of gold.
Within a year of getting sober, he moved me and my daughters into a gorgeous home adjacent to a golf course, bought luxury vehicles for both me and him, convinced me to quit my teaching job which was making me miserable, so I could finally be fully present for my girls, and then put a giant diamond ring on my left hand. He completely spoils us. We went from having nothing to having every tangible thing, we could possibly need.
The stability that he provided for us meant the world to a single mom who was barely making ends meet, but it was always just the icing on the cake for me. He’s my best friend in the world, he makes me laugh so hard my mouth hurts from smiling, he show me that he loves even the parts of myself that I don’t find lovable. I found my soulmate.
His program started slipping after 2 1/2 years (last November). He was already struggling in his role of being a stepfather, and we were fighting a lot about parenting stuff. He has a lot to learn, has little patience, and seems to have very unrealistic expectations of my kids. He wanted Parenting to be this effortless thing, and he just doesn’t get that it’s not. And that kids are not always going to behave themselves and that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them. so we were fighting a lot.
In December, he started complaining about his chronic back pain again (a real issue for him as he’s had five back surgeries due to a snowboarding accident in his early 20s-this was during that height of Purdue Pharma and what got him hooked on pain meds)
While I know he was legitimately in pain, it was also a red flag because pain was the culprit for his last relapse. He decided to go in for a sixth surgery and was told he would have to wait three months. He found a surgeon who has made a lot of profit off of him over the years (as he’s a PI attorney) and was willing to prescribe him generous amounts of pain pills to get him through the three months of increasing pain that he was experiencing. He spent the next three months in bed, depressed, checking out, taking pills depressed, checking out- as I became increasingly suspicious that his behavior was much too loopy for the amount of medication he was being prescribed. I fell into the role of his nurse, and his babysitter. Making sure he didn’t text to nonsense to clients, making sure he didn’t fall and make his back worse, making sure he wasn’t interacting with the kids, etc
I knew he wasn’t being honest with me, but he just kept gaslighting me. It honestly felt like he was psychologically tormenting me, treating me as though I was totally paranoid, heartless and out of line. I thought after the surgery, it would finally get better. I made a promise that I would be there for him because he had never had anyone there for him for the previous surgeries and it had been a really traumatic experience for him in the past. I really stepped up and tried so hard to his rock. The hospital experience was horrific, mainly because no amount of diloted was relieving him of the pain. None of the nurses understood why he needed so much more than everyone else, but I think his tolerance had just become so high.
After that nightmare was finally over I was really counting on things getting better, as the plan was for him to taper off the meds, live pain-free, and get back to normal. It didn’t go that way. It just kept getting worse and no matter how many times I told him that I didn’t trust him he just had an excuse for an explanation for everything. He is a master manipulator and I listened to him do it to everyone, doctors, the pharmacist he formed a “friendship” with, literally everyone.
On Mother’s Day, it got to a point where he couldn’t hide it anymore. He disappeared for the day, Ended up, passing out at a gas station and was unreachable for hours, when he finally came home, the car was all fucked up and he claims it was someone else’s fault. He went straight to his home office and I didn’t see the rest of the night until I walked in on him smoking crushed up pills. After that, he confessed everything to me, including the time that he told me not to check the mail because he had a special surprise for me to thank me for all the love and support I gave him To help him through his surgery. it turned out he had drug dealers sending him drugs in the mail. Needless to say there was no surprise for me me. Just heartbreak and betrayal. I felt like a fool.
I was still processing this the next day when , after insisting on taking a photo of me in these designer sunglasses he purchased for me out of guilt. I asked him not to take my photo, because I had tears in my eyes, but he insisted. He was napping next to me and I opened his phone to erase the photo. we’ve always had each other’s passwords, and have looked through each others photos before for various reasons, sharing photos, etc. I cannot emphasize enough how much I trust his loyalty to me when it comes to anything other than drugs.
But for some reason, all of my photos, the ones I was taking on my phone were showing up in his feed. I was so confused, so I started scrolling through deleting unflattering double chin pictures of myself when I came across that menu photos organized based on face recognition. One of them was his ex. I remember him telling me he deleted all of his photos of her the first time he told me he loved me.
I opened it and scrolled through hundreds of pictures of their happy life together. The pictures got more and more sexual, one of her with her legs spread, another another of them in the bathtub together, her kissing him while he had his hands around her neck, another screenshot of her naked in the shower with a thumbnail shot of him in the corner obviously jerking off to her on FaceTime. Because I’m a masochist I decided to take it one step further and look in his video folder. I found a There I found a thumbnail shot if a close-up of him penetrating her. I watched it and it just completely crushed whatever was left of me.
I’m normally a really passive person, and I just completely lost my mind. I reacted as though I had caught him cheating on me. I just couldn’t handle the physical evidence of such a close up shot of him being inside another woman. It’s stupid because I know, like me, he has a past. Obviously he’s been with other women. Obviously he’s been attracted to them. But it just scarred my brain, I literally haven’t even been able to eat since because I’ve been so nauseous. I know it’s ridiculous, because this is a reality I was well aware existed, but seeing it with my own eyes… I don’t know what to say. Other than that I need a lobotomy.
He says he erased all of those videos and photos from his phone, and something weird happened where all of his photos from the cloud just re-uploaded when he got a new phone. He’s not a technical person and I actually believe him because, aside from being a complete liar when it comes to drugs, he has always show me the upmost, integrity, love and loyalty. So it’s not that I don’t believe him. I just can’t get that image out of my head.
I can’t tell if this intense emotional reaction I’m having would be the same reaction anyone would have if they saw what I saw, or if I’m combining the feelings of betrayal over the gaslighting and the relapse…, the last four months of feeling completely invisible, hopeless, and like he was choosing drugs over me. My mind is like mush and I seriously can’t differentiate between these two very separate issues. I’m so confused, but that’s what gaslighting does to you. It makes you question your reality.
He said that he’s finally willing to go into detox, so at this point, I have waited this long, it would be silly not to stick around and see if he’s finally going to put an end to this. What’s getting me is that he’s still making excuses, still not seeming very remorseful, and is still so deep in self-pity that he doesn’t seem to have any awareness of how badly I’m hurting because of him. It feels like he just doesn’t care. anyone who’s ever loved an addict knows that feeling well.
I’m in Al-anon, and I’m well aware of all of the things I should be doing, focusing on myself, etc. but I’m just not doing well, and I can’t seem to find my way out of this dark hole. Anyone who has made it this far deserves some sort of a Reddit badge of honor. This was more of an autobiography than a simple question. I just wanna hear some outside input because I don’t trust my own mind right now. I’m willing to take your criticism, just please be kind. I know I’ve made mistakes, I’m just hurting so badly. I can’t seem to sort through this. Thank you so much if you took the time to read all of this and still want to respond. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Theme of today seems to be this movie with Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix.
Maybe all the references about their own language and “there’s two of them“ are referring to hedges.
The extraterrestrials are the bad guys. They are a metaphor for the hedge funds shorting GME.
Maybe the whole idea is that the shorts are talking to each other. One organization is saying to close positions and the other one is adamantly opposed.
Maybe this is why we’ve had the price monkeying around this week. Maybe someone already broke ranks, and attempted to close positions and that’s caused a ruffling of feathers amongst the shorts.

So, I'm not entirely sure what my goal is with this post. One thing I know for certain is that it will be very long, and probably sort of jumbled and frantic, more stream of consciousness than anything. I guess I just sort of wanted to share some of the important realizations I've had in recent months, and see if: 1. Other people think that they're fair or "correct" realizations, and I'm not becoming, like, delusional or something. 2. Maybe my sharing these perspectives will help or inspire someone else who has struggled in ways similar to me.
So, here's the basic background of things. I've always been a really reserved and quiet person, ever since I was a little kid. Add in being skinny and nerdy for most of my life, and maxing out at a height of 5'9", and I'm not exactly a hot product for the average girl my age (19, turning 20 in a few weeks). In fact, I'd never had a relationship until this past year in college, but I'll get more into that in a minute. Hell, I hadn't had so much as a first kiss until this past year, either.
And, at the beginning of this past school year, being my second year of college (as a commuter student, so socializing is pretty difficult), I began to really get down on myself for having never been in a relationship, never kissed a girl, being a virgin, etc. It started to really take a toll on my mental health, because I believed that there was something intrinsically wrong and unlovable about me. Whereas a lot of young men who struggle socially romantically seem to be directing their sadness, frustration, and anger outward toward the world, especially toward women, I instead found myself directing those feeling toward myself. I was convinced that, on a basic level, there was some vital component to who I am as a person that disqualifies me from being worthy of love or affection. After all, that's what 19 years of evidence suggest, right?
Looking back, I think a large component in this was how I had been struggling, and still struggle to a degree, with my identity as a young man. I'm naturally a pretty progressive person, and I make an effort to be open to the perspectives of other groups and listen to their stories. Unfortunately, as we all know, a lot of people have been harmed by the men in their lives. And I know, I know: if I'm not doing anything wrong myself, then I shouldn't take any of these stories personally.But I guess, given the poor mental state that I was already in, I took it as validation that there was in fact something intrinsically wrong about me, and that thing was being a man. I started to avoid people on the street, especially if they were a woman or presented as feminine. At work, I avoid going anywhere near female customers, out of fear of making them uncomfortable. I'd keep my head down walking from class to class on campus, worried that I might make someone uneasy with my gaze. It wasn't that I thought I was a threat; in fact, I knew that I was not. But I also knew that the people around me didn't know that. In their eyes, maybe they have to assume that I'm a creep or that I'm a dangerous type of man. And it hurt to realize that, and I realize now, like I said, that I took it as validation that there was something intrinsically wrong with me.
Due to that, as well as other factors, such as stress and exhaustion from overworking (I'm a full-time student and work about 30 hours a week, which is a lot for me, might not be for others, I admit), I experienced some of the worst periods of depression I've ever had, since being diagnosed with it and anxiety in 2021. I tried going to therapy. I went to a few sessions, then gradually started missing more and more due to a lack of time, until my therapist cancelled all of our scheduled future sessions. It was on me. I wasn't committed.
I lost my passion for my hobbies and interests, like creative writing, which had previously been an important emotional outlet for me. A lot of nights would be spent lying in bed, listening to a playlist filled with sad music and hugging a pillow, wishing it was someone who loved me in the way that I thought, or hoped, love would work.
At the behest of my friends, to whom I only presented my issues as being a little down about never having been in a relationship, I started messing around with dating apps. At first, I felt good about making some sort of effort to put myself out there. Like I said, I've always been insanely reserved, so doing something like making a dating profile felt like an accomplishment. Of course, nothing much came of it. Over the five or so months that I was on the app, I maxed out at about six likes on my profile, and only matched with two people.
But one of those two people was a girl who went to the same college as me, and we seemed to have a lot of interests in common. And I mean a lot. To the point that it was almost comical. Of course, I realize now that having some hobbies in common isn't enough to form a good relationship with someone, but I realize now that I was just desperate for someone who I could convince myself halfway-tolerated me. She and I started to go out, and after a while, we decided to make things "official." My first kiss. My first relationship. My first girlfriend.
It lasted for only a few months. After a while, something felt off. I wasn't as excited to see her as I had been before. It was hard for us to make time for each other, between my working and her being involved in extracurricular stuff around campus. Car rides and dates began to be filled with longer and more frequent stretches of awkward silence, as I tried to think of something to say or talk about, only to come up empty-handed. As we got to know each other better, I realized that we didn't have as much in common as I first thought. She was a little more conservative, not necessarily in a political sense, but more in terms of "status", if that makes sense. I learned that financial success was very important to her parents, and I could tell that it was important to her, too. She avoided telling her parents that I was an English major, instead opting to tell them that I was getting a degree in computer science, as that was my minor at the time. It seemed to me that the status of a relationship was more important to her than the quality of the relationship (pot calling the kettle black, yes, I realize). For example, there was a dance on campus that she wanted to go to, pretty much just to take pictures of the two of us together so she could show them to friends and family. But as for the dance itself, it was more of the same that had been happening before: awkward silence, short conversations, lots of looking around at anything other than each other.
After a while, I decided that, for both of our sakes, I needed to break things off. I didn't want to waste her time when I knew that my heart wasn't in it anymore. So, at the beginning of April, I drove over to her dorm, and we talked it over in my car for a while. At the end, we hugged one last time, and I haven't seen her since.
I think a key component in the decision I made is the fact that I reconnected with some old friends from high school, who are still local, even though they are going to another university. Over Christmas break, I hung out with them for the first time since the pandemic as, during that time, I ended up having a falling out with them over some dumb high school drama and political differences. To my surprise, they had changed a lot, and had managed to pull themselves out of the incel trajectory that I had seen them beginning to fall down during high school. They were kinder, more accepting people. My surprise was matched only by my pride in them. I had feared and assumed the worst of them, and I couldn't have been happier to be proven wrong. Since then, I've been invited back into their group chats, and I see them in-person with some regularity, when our schedules allow it.
I think having that connection made me feel more comfortable with the idea of being single again, and since the break up, I've been able to rely on them for support, laughs, and just feeling like I have somewhere I belong. Before, I found myself desperate for any kind of connection and fell into a cycle of denying myself that connection because I was convinced that, since it didn't just present itself, I wasn't worthy of it.
And maybe it has something to do with that, but on the drive home from my now-ex's dorm (though I still wonder if I should/could really call her an ex. Sure, we agreed to make things "official", but we still only dated for a few months), I felt my perspective on, well, at the risk of sounding over-dramatic or overly romantic, everything, being to change.
And I guess that's what the title of this post is about. The things I've begun to realize in the time leading up to and following that break-up.
Above all else, I've realized the importance of connection. If I didn't have a stable friend group again, I don't know where I'd be. Probably still in a stale relationship, clinging on and trying to convince myself that I'm not feeling the way that I'm feeling. I have people to talk with again, to confide in when I feel stressed or depressed. I go out and do things again, which I didn't realize I hadn't really done very much since the pandemic.
But I know that for a lot of people who are/were in the position I had been in, finding friends is difficult. If it weren't for my unique circumstances of being reunited with an old, estranged group of friends, I would absolutely be in the same position. I still really struggle with social anxiety, and talking to new people is a huge struggle for me. So, I've also had some realizations that don't have as much to do with the friendship side of things, and I hope that these can be of some use to people who also struggle with social anxiety.
I know that the idea of "working on yourself" is cliche and overused, so I won't frame it exactly like that. In my opinion, saying it like that makes it sound too daunting and tedious, and having been in those dark, dark places myself, I know that it was the last thing I wanted to hear. So, instead, I like to think of it this way. It's more like living in spite of your circumstances. Over the course of this past year, I essentially shut my life down, because I was so convinced that there was no point, because I felt that I knew that I would never be loved or accepted. Now, I feel an urge to go on living for myself, almost in direct spite of the fear that I may be forever alone. It's a fear that I still deal with, and who knows, maybe things will end up that way.
And, I suppose, that leads into my main realization, which is sort of an extension/restatement of the last one, now that I think about it. I now feel the desire to accumulate enough in my life, to reach a point where I am satisfied enough, that I can rest knowing that I will be okay, with or without a relationship. Before, my self-worth was almost entirely attached to my relationship status, and my lack of romantic experience. Now, I realize that a relationship can only come when I don't need it, or at least don't feel that I need it. Being a huge nerd and a writer, I think a lot about quotes from books, shows, movies, and games that have stuck with and there's one from God of War: Ragnarok that comes to mind here (by the way, I actually highly recommend playing or watching a playthrough of God of War 2018 and Ragnarok if you've struggled with masculinity in the same way I have, the music and cutscenes from those games have actually helped to pull me out of some mental spirals about my self-worth and identity as a man). It comes from a scene in which Kratos confronts his younger self, and is trying to decide if he is willing/ready to be a god again:
"Should I lose everything and everyone, will there still be enough left inside so that I do not become you? I do not know. But I have hope."
It's a quote that resonates with me now more than ever (even though it's from a DLC that just came out around Christmas, lol). I know now that I want to get to a place where there is enough left inside me that I know I'll never fall into that dark mental state again.
Something else that I've noticed has happened is the return of my passions for my hobbies and interests, especially for writing. I don't want to sound too arrogant, but I think I've begun to realize an important goal for my writing. If I'm lucky enough, I want to be able to write and release stories that explore masculinity and isolation, and, if I can, I want to create stories that can help guide other young men and boys who have struggled in the way I have and continue to do. I want to create characters who serve as positive male role models, who are emotionally strong, intelligent, and kind. I want to write stories of personal redemption, and show that no one is truly ever too far gone to be able to recover. If my writing could help even just one person who is struggling, then I would consider my career to be a success.
At the risk of being too cheesy, I'd like to end this very long-winded post with another quote, this one from a YouTube channel I recently discovered, and one I would highly recommend to just about anyone: Cinema Therapy. It's from their video about "A Silent Voice", which also happens to be one of my favorite movies, and one of my main inspirations when it comes to the kinds of stories I want to tell.
"Depression doesn't go away, doesn't lift for most people. But there's a capacity to feel again. There's a capacity to feel joy. The cure for so many things is connection. And we may think 'no one want to connect with me.' But we just need to find the right people."
I think the only thing I would add to that is that, in my opinion, the connection can also be with yourself.

New Releases - Thursday 16 May

MM Romance

Kindle Unlimited

• Alpha's Magic (Claimed #4) by Shannon West - 213 pages - Amazon - (omegaverse, royalty, cursed, dominant alphas, forced marriage, possessive)
• Coach Stare Down (For Puck's Sake #6) by Crea Reitan - 356 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, asexual MC, hurt/comfort, shitty families, hockey coach x spectator)
• Dominated: His Rough Protector (Cartel Kings #2) by Jamie Harlock - 194 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, crime/dark, bratty MC x cartel enforcer, D/s dynamic (?))
• Earth Boys Are Easy (Villains in Space #1) by C Rochelle - 488 pages - Amazon - (sci-fi/paranormal, romcom, supervillains, FWB with an alien, only one bed, politics, grumpy/sunshine, hurt/comfort, forced proximity)
• Extraction (Innocent Monsters) by Stella Rainbow - 207 pages - Amazon - (paranormal, monster x human, kraken, amnesia, tentacles, hurt/comfort, private island)
• Impossible Things (Subparheroes) by Alexa Land - 201 pages - Amazon - (paranormal, librarian MCs, colleagues to lovers, ""crap"" superpower, information endangering superheroes)
• In This Shadow, Longing (Coven Ties #3) by Marina Vivancos - 219 pages - Amazon - (fantasy/paranormal, biokink, hurt/comfort, MC feels unworthy to be a Dom, client x sex therapist, Domdrop)
• Liberating Zach (Fairford Affairs) by Bay Sinclair - 107 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, getting over a crush on someone else, vacation romance, age gap, whirlwind romance)
• Love Punch (Tyler Sports Dynasty #1) by Matt Peters - 170 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, sports (boxing), assistant x boxer, boss/employee, longstanding crush, career change)
• One Night With The Nanny (Nannies of New York #6) by K. Sterling - 318 pages - Amazon - (contemporary (?), romcom, fairytale, fake dating, found family, ONS to lovers, MC has a platonic soulmate, single father who happens to be a prince)
• Pain and Promises (Stepbrothers of New York #1) by Meadow Jones - 286 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, stepbrothers, estranged, hurt/comfort, isolated MC)
• Temperance (Damned Connections #3) by Lark Taylor - 400 pages - Amazon - (paranormal, fire mage x vampire, D/s, hurt/comfort / caretaking, fixed duration, best read in order)
• Twisted Rivalry by Devon McCormack - 326 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, sex for money, hired by twin, secrets/deception, mind games, check CWs)
• Without Him (Cobalt Security #5) by Reese Knightley - 227 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, billionaire x bodyguard, drama, unrequited love, lies)

Kobo Plus

• Dare (Mindset Duet #1) by C.J. Dragon - 219 pages - Amazon / Kobo - (sci-fi, empath MC, shunned by society, on the run/in hiding, dislike to lovers, space ship)
• Ice Heart (Ridderden Riders #2) by Sierra J Meril - 240 pages - Amazon / Kobo - (fantasy, dragons, maybe more sword & sorcery than romance, dislike to lovers, volatile magic, politic turmoil, world-saving mission)
• The Prez’s Forbidden Romance (The Forbidden Temptation #3) by Melody Ann - 110 pages - Amazon / Kobo - (contemporary, age gap, motorcycle club (?), MC shunned by family, first relationship, dark themes (?))

Other
No new releases.

Other Queer Romance

Kindle Unlimited

• Ours to Protect by L.S. Pullen - 358 pages - Amazon - (FMMMM, contemporary, poly, dark, security team x socialite)

Kobo Plus
No new releases.

Audiobooks

MM Romance

• Twisted Rivalry by Devon McCormack, narrated by Tim Paige - Audible - (contemporary, sex for money, hired by twin, secrets/deception, mind games, check CWs) - 6 hrs 35 min

Queer
No new releases.