What is healthy dating

Here's the stuff you'd want to know about me before chatting.
I'm child free because I refuse to put another human into this increasingly dark world. I don't want them to have my anxiety or Asperger's. I have an existentialist belief system. So I decided that I want to spend the rest of my life focusing on myself and hopefully my future partner - whoever that may be.
RECENT PIC
Yes. Me bald. You can rub my head for good luck. If the cure for baldness is ever discovered, I will hop right on that. I'm 6' tall for you height enthusiasts.
Personality-wise I am pretty boring in all honesty. Being someone who has ADHD, anxiety, and high functioning ASD, you can bet I am not a normal person. On top of that, having spent a freakish amount of time on the uncensored internet through my childhood desensitizing my mind, I'm fairly dead inside. If you can relate or sympathize, that is awesome.
I'm looking for a long term relationship. The kind where we eventually live together on dual income, have date night like every night, and just enjoy each other's love for as long as possible. I am VERY romantic and sappy when I start developing feelings. My love languages are physical touch and quality time spent together.
Hobbies include worrying about my future, browsing reddit, having a nearly empty fridge with a 1 year old jar of kimchi in it because it seemed healthy to buy at the time, and uh what else..? Music, Anime, Gaming (I was the highest ranks in CSGO AND RL so don't hate the hours yo), Coding, Lockpicking, Antique Restoration, and talking some shmack with the BOYS.
I appreciate many types of humor. Dark, cringe, observational, and surreal are my favs. I'm not easy to offend. And if you want, you can roast me in your opening message.
I like getting out too but I hate doing that alone. That's what you're for. Duh. 😙
I am open to a temporary LDR if your communication game is on point. I will be up front though. When I'm at work it is difficult to text very much because I work in a lead position and am extremely busy except when I'm taking a break. I also work in a highly USDA regulated environment and every time I touch my phone I need to sanitize or change my gloves before I touch anything else. I would make an effort to talk though. I work about 45 hours though so I have plenty of free time after work to spend actual quality time together.
Some things that are definitely important to me:

• Physical attraction. I'm gonna want to see a picture of you sooner rather than later pretty please. 🤗
• Politically liberal. We probably won't get along otherwise 😂.
• Monogamous. You can still call other guys hot on TV though. You can also have a celebrity on your bucket list.
• A sex drive. I'm not looking for someone asexual is all I'm saying.

Please message me only if you are truly interested and willing to date (or hop on a voice or video call if long distance). And don't get me wrong; I am not here to try and force a relationship faster than it needs to. In fact I'm in no rush at all. I just strongly believe that texting alone is not enough to develop into something meaningful.

Here's the stuff you'd want to know about me before chatting.
I'm child free because I refuse to put another human into this increasingly dark world. I don't want them to have my anxiety or Asperger's. I have an existentialist belief system. So I decided that I want to spend the rest of my life focusing on myself and hopefully my future partner - whoever that may be.
RECENT PIC
Yes. Me bald. You can rub my head for good luck. If the cure for baldness is ever discovered, I will hop right on that. I'm 6' tall for you height enthusiasts.
Personality-wise I am pretty boring in all honesty. Being someone who has ADHD, anxiety, and high functioning ASD, you can bet I am not a normal person. On top of that, having spent a freakish amount of time on the uncensored internet through my childhood desensitizing my mind, I'm fairly dead inside. If you can relate or sympathize, that is awesome.
I'm looking for a long term relationship. The kind where we eventually live together on dual income, have date night like every night, and just enjoy each other's love for as long as possible. I am VERY romantic and sappy when I start developing feelings. My love languages are physical touch and quality time spent together.
Hobbies include worrying about my future, browsing reddit, having a nearly empty fridge with a 1 year old jar of kimchi in it because it seemed healthy to buy at the time, and uh what else..? Music, Anime, Gaming (I was the highest ranks in CSGO AND RL so don't hate the hours yo), Coding, Lockpicking, Antique Restoration, and talking some shmack with the BOYS.
I appreciate many types of humor. Dark, cringe, observational, and surreal are my favs. I'm not easy to offend. And if you want, you can roast me in your opening message.
I like getting out too but I hate doing that alone. That's what you're for. Duh. 😙
I am open to a temporary LDR if your communication game is on point. I will be up front though. When I'm at work it is difficult to text very much because I work in a lead position and am extremely busy except when I'm taking a break. I also work in a highly USDA regulated environment and every time I touch my phone I need to sanitize or change my gloves before I touch anything else. I would make an effort to talk though. I work about 45 hours though so I have plenty of free time after work to spend actual quality time together.
Some things that are definitely important to me:

• Physical attraction. I'm gonna want to see a picture of you sooner rather than later pretty please. 🤗
• Politically liberal. We probably won't get along otherwise 😂.
• Monogamous. You can still call other guys hot on TV though. You can also have a celebrity on your bucket list.
• A sex drive. I'm not looking for someone asexual is all I'm saying.

Please message me only if you are truly interested and willing to date (or hop on a voice or video call if long distance). And don't get me wrong; I am not here to try and force a relationship faster than it needs to. In fact I'm in no rush at all. I just strongly believe that texting alone is not enough to develop into something meaningful.

Here's the stuff you'd want to know about me before chatting.
I'm child free because I refuse to put another human into this increasingly dark world. I don't want them to have my anxiety or Asperger's. I have an existentialist belief system. So I decided that I want to spend the rest of my life focusing on myself and hopefully my future partner - whoever that may be.
RECENT PIC
Yes. Me bald. You can rub my head for good luck. If the cure for baldness is ever discovered, I will hop right on that. I'm 6' tall for you height enthusiasts.
Personality-wise I am pretty boring in all honesty. Being someone who has ADHD, anxiety, and high functioning ASD, you can bet I am not a normal person. On top of that, having spent a freakish amount of time on the uncensored internet through my childhood desensitizing my mind, I'm fairly dead inside. If you can relate or sympathize, that is awesome.
I'm looking for a long term relationship. The kind where we eventually live together on dual income, have date night like every night, and just enjoy each other's love for as long as possible. I am VERY romantic and sappy when I start developing feelings. My love languages are physical touch and quality time spent together.
Hobbies include worrying about my future, browsing reddit, having a nearly empty fridge with a 1 year old jar of kimchi in it because it seemed healthy to buy at the time, and uh what else..? Music, Anime, Gaming (I was the highest ranks in CSGO AND RL so don't hate the hours yo), Coding, Lockpicking, Antique Restoration, and talking some shmack with the BOYS.
I appreciate many types of humor. Dark, cringe, observational, and surreal are my favs. I'm not easy to offend. And if you want, you can roast me in your opening message.
I like getting out too but I hate doing that alone. That's what you're for. Duh. 😙
I am open to a temporary LDR if your communication game is on point. I will be up front though. When I'm at work it is difficult to text very much because I work in a lead position and am extremely busy except when I'm taking a break. I also work in a highly USDA regulated environment and every time I touch my phone I need to sanitize or change my gloves before I touch anything else. I would make an effort to talk though. I work about 45 hours though so I have plenty of free time after work to spend actual quality time together.
Some things that are definitely important to me:

• Physical attraction. I'm gonna want to see a picture of you sooner rather than later pretty please. 🤗
• Politically liberal. We probably won't get along otherwise 😂.
• Monogamous. You can still call other guys hot on TV though. You can also have a celebrity on your bucket list.
• A sex drive. I'm not looking for someone asexual is all I'm saying.

Please message me only if you are truly interested and willing to date (or hop on a voice or video call if long distance). And don't get me wrong; I am not here to try and force a relationship faster than it needs to. In fact I'm in no rush at all. I just strongly believe that texting alone is not enough to develop into something meaningful.

Virtue signal: I'm a depressive-type, 'low-risk' incel. No black pill, no red pill, no anger, no no anger. Introspection, depressive episodes, isolation, jealousy, self-conciousness, malaise are my jams. Good friendships, though a small social circle. Good job. Solid, if uninspiring, social skills.
A couple of years ago I had a incel episode, dropped out of my group chats, sent a few messages to people to let them know I was okay but needed to just be away from everything for a while, and to pass on the message, when people reached out I told them the same. A couple of months later, I reached out and got added back into the chats. Bit cringe in retrospect, but it was the tool I had at the time and it did work. I decompressed, and recentred.
Since then I've build my coping skills a bit better. One of them has been to treat my feelings like an addiction - understand when I have the urge to feel them and reach out to trusted friends to let them know. Just having them know is enough to keep me on the wagon, it releases pressure and. I know enough not to trauma dump. But these people have reached out to me in those moments, and this group know enough about me to get it by now. I like to believe that I've never asked to much of anyone, never been a burden. We will find out this isn't true.
My housemate has a new girlfriend, and she's over our flat a lot. Nice girl, I can chat with her, she's fine. But they're constantly being a couple in the shared space. Date night is always here, the kitchen is always being used for them to cook together, everything has to accomodate them as a couple, not as two people. I think that's not an uncommon feeling amongst even normal folks. I'm a third wheel in my own home. I feel I have a valid-to-regular-folks level of feeling uncomfortable in my own home.
But it also has sparked those depressive feeling, the jealousy, the self criticism. I want to be on the other side of it, but I can't see a path to getting there.
So I did what I thought I could do. I chucked a message to the group chat. 'Housemate's Girlfriend is always here. In my feelings atm. Pretty jealous'. Normally I get maybe a gift of someone nodding, but this time one of them told me off. They told me that I keep complaining about the same thing and never do anything to improve myself. They asked me what right I have to be Jealous; have I even tried to get a girlfriend. They didn't even explode at me or get angry at me. They just said it.
I apologised, said that shouldn't have said I was jealous. My current goal is to build a life with the intention of healthy single living. Not looking to date, not trying to date, just being happy alone. To let go of the sadness I feel and just be happy and present in my life as it is. I told them that I was just admititng to them that I still felt that feeling and that me sharing it was a way of releasing it from me.
The conversation continued that I'm just lying to them and myself, and it was made clear that I was never, catagorically, to ever mention any of these feelings ever again, and that If I do, I would have to justify to them what I have done since the last time to change my situation. It was made clear to me that if they didn't consider it enough I would be cut off.
I left the group chat again and blocked all of them. I got one text from one of their partners number asking what the fuck I was doing. I haven't responded.
I am lucky enough to have a small secondary social circle of two other friends (and one their partners who is technically a friend but we both understand our friendship is predicated on their relationship), and a couple of people at work I can shoot the shit with about things outside of work (but they're not friends, just colleagues). But I basically have lost 90% of everything.
Addendum: I know that realistically and truthfully all friendships are actually 100% conditional, if people act beyond whats acceptible you're going to be dropped. But that's unspoken, it's implicit and jsut understood. I can't handle being told it directly. I can't hande this power they now have over me, to so directly tell me whats acceptable of me.

Stuck and need to let it out
Before i start i know i am very stupid for the choices i made. I (26f) got married to my husband (30m) when i was 21 we met from mutual friends and i fell in love with him and it was a feeling ill never forget. He was an amazing guy until he wasn’t he was always very charming and people instantly liked him when meeting him. There is more details but i am going to try to sum it up. I worked a little after marriage than covid hit and i got pregnant with my first born. He took care of me financially always and assured me i dont need to work anyways. I was with him when he was struggling i never complained as a newly wed who barley got to spend time with her husband because i understood i never asked him to take me out or anything i stood by him and now hes very successful (ill get back to why i mentioned that later) my pregnancy was very stressful in my 7th month he hit me and i had bruises on my neck and face i dont even remember what the fight was about after giving birth i struggled alot i was 22 years old i kept finding porn and videos being sent between friends which i have seen before but it started to make me feel bad about myself which i have always been confident before him i told him it bothered me and it never stopped so now im 23 and insecure and i alter my body and do a procedure thinking that will fix things (as i said i know im stupid) he strangled me 2 months after giving birth to the point that i passed out and woke up he almost killed me i never told anyone. He kept saying hes changing and well work things out so i forgave him. My family dosent believe in divorce and as much support i have from them i don’t want to disappoint them. We did good for a little bit we moved to a bigger place and than we moved again to another bigger place that i am in currently. In between all of that there was stuff that i kept seeing that hurt me and bothered me but anytime i say anything he says its me who keeps digging which is true because i grew up having a father who cheated on my mom and i saw it first hand im not going to lie it traumatized me but i did not project it on him until after he started doing the things he did. Hes a very jealous person himself he always tried to control everything he hates that im good looking he tells me all the time he should have married someone “ugly” i do NOT dress provocative at all i barley show any skin but somehow EVERYTHING always leads back to how i dress and all our problems are my fault because of how i dress he says that when we go out men always check me out and it angers him even tho i am not showing any damn skin. Anyways mothers day 2022 he hit me again but he says he didnt but the bruises on my arms say otherwise i have pictures of it and it was bad he tried to throw me down the stairs i begged him not to. Sadly i still wanted to be loved i forgave him moved on he is would buy me gifts and cards and because im so stupid i believed he was sorry anyways now its 2023 and i find out im pregnant i didnt know how i felt my first born was lonley so i thought at least they will have a sibling.. surprise its twins and i knew im going to go through it i had the worse pregnancy i almost died i developed pre eclampsia and my doctor missed it i gave birth early my whole pregnancy i was alone i was so lonley just me and my first born i cried everyday husband was working so i couldn’t complain without it turning to a fight even though its his company and he could afford to have been there a little for me it is not 7 months after i gave birth physically i feel good mentally i dont he is never there for me as a husband i been telling him i feel like he’s just a roomate at this point we have no dates barley any intimacy which had been going on for years i know hes insecure and i never used it against him but he always would to me he hates now that i bounced back quickly and like to dress up again because the end of my pregnancy i was very swollen i was wearing all his clothes. I kept crying telling him i have needs just like anyone else i want to feel loved i dont want to live like this but anytime i say anything he says i complain to much now last week he beat me over nothing it was 60 seconds into a petty argument and he attacked me i packed myself and my 3 kids he watched me packing calling me names i left to a hotel for a night nd than my moms house he got backlash from both our families i ended up having to come home for the kids im miserable hes not sorry mothers day he barley acknowledged me But we spent the day and today any time we try to talk about anything he blames me.
I know im stupid i dont know how i can start over again i have 3 kids i am in the works of going back to school so when the babys start school ill have my career because i am financially dependent on him which is my fault i worked since i was 14 but he convinced me not to anymore My oldest loves their father so much it hurts me to put my baby through this drama There is soooooo much more detail and stuff to add Hes not the worse person i guess i bring out the bad in him when all i ever wanted was to be in a healthy marriage and give my kids what i didn’t have growing up
I dont know what to do i know i have to finish school so i can get a stable job but that means i have to stay and suck it up
I never wanted to be divorced but this marriage is over i always thought cheating was the only reason for divorce i am not in love with him but its so hard to let it go i never was like this i was so out going the life of the party i dont even recognize myself i feel so sad and depressed and alone i have the most amazing friends but i cant get myself to open up
How do you move on after having kids?

I'm going to try something different today, not with the standard post I've been doing for a month.
You know my age, I'm single, I live in Southern California, I don't have kids, and to be frank, I'm looking for someone to eventually date. I don't expect that to happen overnight and I don't want it to anyway. That's because I want to get to know that potential person and if it all works out, we become best friends to each other before anything else.
There's a few other things I can mention about myself. I'm not particularly conservative in any respect, I don't smoke, my physique is average but I do exercise for health and slightly for vanity. If I understand correctly, most people have mentioned I have a boyish, youthful charm rather than conventional attractiveness. That's fine with me, but if you're looking for some chiseled, hyper masculine figure and looks matter more than personality, feel free to skip out. We can swap pictures after we chat a bit.
As it turns out, getting a chance to really get across who I am to people is a pretty tough task. I'm a pretty slow burn, so I don't think I'm initially exciting enough for some people. And I know I'm kind and patient and respectful, so perhaps people think it's a ruse, a trick or something, but that's literally how I actually am. Maybe some people are thrown off by meeting someone who actually knows what they want and they realize they're not sure what they want? That's also possible too.
I'd like someone who I can talk to about anything, who I can listen to for hours about something they're passionate about, someone who I can goof off with but also have intellectual conversation with. I want someone emotionally intelligent, someone with a healthy sense of compassion and kindness, someone who understands the framework of the house we build is open communication & understanding. I do, however, get that there is no such thing as perfection (I know I certainly am not) but as long as we're both honestly doing our best, I know it's something we can tackle together like the team we are.
I know this is so long and if you've read to this point, thanks because you've already done more than some of the chats I've been in. I don't have much more to add, but if you send a chat or message, just include a favorite snack. Thanks again for reading, I wish you well.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I guess just wanted to write out what I'd been feeling and put it somewhere. I'm using a burner account, and no real names, I just needed to vent this somewhere
I dated my ex (I won't bother with names) for 4 years, and broke things off last summer. Like all relationships it was complicated, but now - nine months later - I still have no idea if I did the right thing, and am left feeling rudderless and adrift.
I'm 41, she's 32 - we met online four-ish years ago, immediately hit it off and started seeing each other 3-4 times a week. We started dating in Jan 2020 ... two months later, covid hit, and our entire state was essentially locked down. We went from dating to basically living together after two months - which, at the time, was great with me .. we were in love, and things seemed great. My parents split up when I was 19. In my 20's and early 30's, I'd made some bad choices with romantic partners - and chased after people who were emotionally unavailable, fundamentally. It took many years of therapy and introspection, but I had been actively making and effort to only date people I saw a real future with.
She (at 28) had never really dated anyone before. She explained she had some very severe trauma as a child, and coupled with abusive parents, she had never put herself out there really, and had focused on work, and fitness, and school. Her father had cheated on her mother when she was a child, and she knew about it (from a very young age). I heard all this, and tried to be as empathic and understanding and reassuring as I could -> after all, it wasn't anything she had done, and I thought she was a badass for overcoming that kind of abuse. We hit it off straight away, and seemed to have tons in common, and those first few months together were incredible. She still lived at home, with her parents - and for the duration of our relationship never moved out, or found her own space.
Things started to get strange when one day, I liked a female friend's post on Instagram ... this was someone I'd known for 5-6 years, and I was friends with long before I knew my gf. In retrospect, my friend's post was a bit thirsty .. your classic "I'm powerful, self possessed" look-at-me photos that showed a bit too much skin - and I should have just kept browsing, but I tapped 'like' (one of probably 20 posts I liked that day from all kinds of different friend) and moved on.
A few hours later, my gf called me, furious, and accused me of using her 'as a place holder' because - in her mind - I obviously REALLY wanted to be with this other friend of mine, and was using her. This came completely out of left field to me, and we had a 2-hour phone argument where I apologized, told her I'd remove the 'like', whatever she wanted. She kept circling back again and again that it was "totally normal" to go through a partners friend list / liked posts because "anyone can see them, they're public". We went back and forth, I was frantic and after we got off the phone, I went through my Instagram and basically purged any attractive female friend I had, and removed any likes I had to any post that might be weird or suspect. From them on I rarely used social media at all - but every few months my ex would find a new friend on my social media she didn't like, or suspected - even after I stopped interacting with social media at all.
This same sort of low-level suspicion persisted throughout our relationship. If I was looking at my phone, she wanted to know what I was reading, who I was talking to, etc. I have never cheated on a partner in my life, in fact I had been cheated on twice - so the sort of dull, constant suspicion really upset me - and after a while it almost felt like she was trying to manifest / discover some kind of secret infidelity. The tragic part is that we got along great otherwise, she loved my (male) friends, loved my family, and we had a relaxed and loving relationship besides occasional flare ups. But the suspicion never went away, or changed - and this sort of underlying insecurity was a constant background white noise of our relationship. She especially took a disliking to my roommates girlfriend, and made it a point to always talk about how much she disliked her, how they weren't going to last - etc (I can't say I blame her, the girl in question was not awesome .. but I never understood why his g/f should have such an outsized effect on our relationship). Despite all this, I thought she was an a kind, empathic, intelligent woman - and I saw a life with her, I saw starting a family with her - as real possiblities.
She grew very attached to my family, which also started to make me wonder what was going on. Many times, first thing in the morning, before coffee or anything else, she'd ask me "how's your mom? how's your dad?" - and would always want to know if she was 'still their favorite'. The first few times I thought it was charming - but it kept going on, to the point I had to push back and ask her "hey, please stop asking me first thing in the morning about the status of my family" ... for reference, I lived on the opposite side of the country from them, and would only get to see them for the holidays (which she was always invited to). I had a very challenging period of my life with my family, from 15-30 my family was fractured, my parents split up, it was messy ... but through years of effort, and time and patience forgiveness, I had built strong, loving relationships with both my parents individually, and my siblings besides. I sometimes got the sense that she even loved my family more than me, and that I was - weirdly - almost an obstacle between her and them. I told her as much, that sometimes I almost was jealous of how much she loved them, and wished that she could point that in my direction sometimes - knowing that they would be part of the package. She never did that same work with her own family - who were deeply dysfunctional, combative and sometimes outright hostile to one another. As crazy as it sounds, I often felt like she was almost trying to reap the rewards of the many years of hard work I had done - without an appreciation for how hard it had been to build new, adult relationships with my parents.
After a year and a half she found a new job, in a new industry, at a high profile company - and for the first six months she was there, she seemed to be able to manage the stress. I asked her if she wanted to maybe find a place together, to move in together for real ... but she kind of brushed it off. I would ask her again every few months, and would be met with the same sort of half-maybe-sorta-we'll-see ...
She suffered a major concussion two years into our relationship, which is when things really started to change. She never went to therapy, or saw a doctor to get treated ... and as the months went by, she became obsessed, almost addicted, to her job. It was all-consuming for her, and occupied all her thought and effort and time ... our relationship became an afterthought, and would mostly be relegated to her staying over (because my apt was closer to her office than her parent's house) - then me cooking her breakfast and seeing her off in the morning - and getting take out when she got back at night. She became more and more locked into her job, and our relationship became more and more platonic and less and less romantic / sexual... which is not uncommon when people are stressed out, or exhausted - but we couldn't seem to find time or space to fix what was happening. We talked, and communicated - but her reaction to stress was to go inside herself, and cut the world off -> and my stress reaction has often been the same.
We grew more and more distant over the next year, I also got a new job that ate up a ton of my time, so we would only see each other for an hour or two in the evenings, or on the weekends when we were up for it. I have a habit of pushing the people I care about away when I am not doing well emotionally .. it's the biggest recurring issue I've had in my life. I've been to therapy for it, and have ways to manage stress including meditation, exercise and a healthy diet - all of which allow me to function. But as the months went by, I got more and more stressed out as we became more distant - and I started to fall apart, and started to feel more and more alone and isolated. I'm sure I could have been better, or more attentive, or more patient ... and I in no way want to trying to pin any blame on her. After all, I'm just 1/2 of the relationship, and 1/2 of the story. After not seeing each other for a few weeks, I had to go out of town for a week for my job - to deal with a long and stressful convention ... and when I came back, we didn't see each other for another week.
I wanted her to come see me, but couldn't come out and say it ... I wanted her to intuit my needs, which she OF COURSE was not able to do. She wanted me to tell her I desperately wanted to see her, which she couldn't articulate because she wanted ME to intuit her needs ... and round and round it went. Lack of communication.
We did see each other eventually, what started as a small disagreement blew up. It started after my ex starting talking about my roommate's girlfriend, or she said something nasty about her. I was upset because we hadn't seen each other in weeks, why would this girl be the first thing on her mind? What about us? I totally overreacted and pushed her away - it was a long and stupid argument, where we both ended up dredging up things from months and years before .. we broke up, she left. In my self-righteous indignation, I felt justified in the moment ... but as the hours passed, and days passed, I was miserable and knew I had made a horrible mistake. My friends at the time told me I'd done the right thing, and that we had long standing issues that I had been mentioning throughout our relationship ... she liked her well enough, but wanted me to be happy, and told me that I had, ultimately, done what I thought was right at the time - and not to doubt myself. But I did, I got fully stuck in my head about it - and was desperate (yes, the D word) to try again.
Over the next few weeks she totally ignored me, wouldn't respond to my calls, or messages. I didn't expect her to - but I practically begged her to give it another chance with me. But she had totally shut down, and in her (later) words "she was never going to speak to me again." She did, eventually, after a few weeks, respond to me. We talked, I apologized, tried to explain that she was the world to me, and I knew I had made a massive mistake, and desperately wanted a chance to try again - to make things right.
She agreed, eventually. We met up for dinner, and slowly talked things out - I was still honestly pretty upset, but we kept seeing each other, started making it a point to go on dates, to get to know each other again. She believed I had cheated on her, that I had met another woman and that this had all been a pretext ... I caught her going through my phone after I got out of the shower. There was nothing to find, but I couldn't believe that she still, after years together, suspected I had been unfaithful to her. But that was just a bump in the road, we talked it out. Things seemed to be getting better. We shared an amazing thanksgiving together, and I genuinely felt like we had turned a corner and were as close as we had ever been ... so did she.
The next Monday, at work, she got another concussion - worse than the first. From this point on, her entire personality shifted ... Which I have learned, in the months that followed, is just something that can happen with head trauma. She didn't want to spend time together nearly as much, she fully retreated into herself, and her family. She wouldn't come visit at all anymore - even if I was willing to pick her up / drop her off ... she would only agree to meet for platonic dinners at a halfway point between our houses. She started seeing a doctor, a neurologist, doing PT work ... but she just kept seeming to get further and further away. If I invited her over, she was always want to know if my roomate's g/f "might" be there, or if we'd be alone ... and if there was even a chance this girl would be there (even though we could spend time in my room, or in the common living room without interference) - my ex would just stay home.
Six or seven months of this went by ... we kept sort of drifting apart, and it seemed like no matter how much I tried to communicate, or bridge the divide between us (which, to be honest, it felt like I was doing 3/4 of the work to keep this thing going) - we just kept drifting. After her second concussion, we stopped being intimate all together ... she was still convinced I had been with other women while we were apart, and demanded I get tested for STDs for her to trust me again. I let my pride get in the way, and should just have done it - but I had not been with or dated anyone else in the few weeks we were apart, and I couldn't get over that she still wouldn't trust me at my word.. after almost 4 years together, I still had to prove myself.
But I didn't, I was stubborn and dug my heels in - so our last potential shot at intimacy evaporated. We became basically platonic buddies ... we still loved each other, said we loved on another every day - but I always felt like I was chasing her, hoping for some kind of emotional connection or breakthrough or common ground that never manifested. By the time July rolled around, I was a total mess ... I felt completely alone, isolated, and like the person I knew and loved had drifted off, and there wasn't a way to get her back. For two months I said that I was really struggling, I was feeling really disconnected and that I missed her all the time - that I wanted to get back to baseline but didn't know how, and that I wanted her help or guidance. She said she felt like she was gradually getting back to where she started, but had no clear picture of how long that might take, and couldn't give me any kind of definitive answer if things would get better again - or how things might get better again.
It never happened. With another month-long work event looming on the horizon, and my stress levels climbing and climbing, I felt like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Eventually, after one of our platonic dates, I had a full on breakdown, and tearfully told her how isolated I was feeling, how I felt like I'd lost her, and how I felt totally clueless how to fix things. She had no ideas to offer, no guidance on how to navigate any of this, and no suggestions how to get back to some kind of baseline. It all poured out from both sides ... she didn't feel like she could trust me ever since we'd got back together, I felt like she neve really let me back in. But we both agreed that that one thanksgiving had been amazing ... and we wished we could find a way back to that place - but had no idea how.
I told her I needed a month, or two, I needed to start seeing a therapist, I needed to put myself back together because I felt like I was falling apart. I told her I wished that we could take a breathe - and come back on more solid footing because I had fucked up when I broke things off before. I had come back from a place of sadness and desperation - and had not given either of us a chance to heal before trying to undo the damage I'd caused. I wanted to meet her on even footing, from a place of mutual strength and try again ...
To her, this was just me breaking up with her again.. which I tried to say "no, I don't want to lose you, but I'm fucked up and need to just right the ship a bit in my life because I am totally losing it ..." But, sometimes it doesn't matter. To her, I was leaving her again, giving up. I had no idea if she'd speak to me again, but I felt so broken I didn't know what else to do.
I took two months, without contact, and started seeing a therapist, started exercising again, got through my hell-month at work. I tried reaching out again to her, multiple times after that ... but I never heard back. A few months went by - I missed her more and more, I didn't heal or get better, I didn't feel like I'd done the right thing. My friends told me I had, my family was supportive - my friends especially have told me time and time again that ultimately, I did the right thing, that I did what was right 'for me' ... but to me, the reassurance didn't matter. There was a giant, gaping hole in my life that I had no idea what to do with. This was a woman I had wanted to marry, that I had wanted to life with, to build and share a life with -> and at one point, I know she wanted the same. I felt so terrible, and couldn't handle the memories of the place I was in, that I resigned from my job (which was ok, it was a horrible grind, that while it paid ok, didn't have any kind of upward mobility) .. and after a lot of thought, I moved back across the country because it was too painful for me to be in that place, surrounded by the memories - living with the ghosts. My friend group had been slowly dispersing, getting new jobs in new cities, having kids and getting on with life - and I didn't see a reason to stay anymore. I debated reaching out to my ex to let her know I was moving - but it had been months without a word, she had not responded to any of my attempts to talk to her, to meet her even for coffee, or to return the few things of hers I still had - and I knew that if I did reach out - it would ultimately be a selfish act, hoping that somehow she might say 'oh no, he's leaving for good' ... so I didn't. I'm still not sure if she knows I left.
I've been saying with family, slowly putting the pieces of my life back together. I'm taking classes, and plan on switching careers into a new field that I may actually am passionate about. I'll find my own place again in a month or two, but truth is I missed my family dearly, and have been helping both my aging parents with years of neglected repairs and yard work - and seeing my siblings and their families again after a decade of living on the opposite coast and getting to see them 'maybe' once a year around the holidays. Plus after paying insane rent to random landlords for over a decade, its been nice to have a few months of feeling grounded, and to put work into where I'm living. My family has been thrilled, and glad to have me around again.
But it's made no difference, really. I still think of her every day. Some days are easier than others, and I can manage to stay focused on classes and work and fitness - but in so many ways my life feels totally hollow now. I'm stuck wondering if I completely fucked up a good thing, and wasted what might have been my last shot at starting a family of my own, of having a real partner. I'm 41, realistically my chances get slimmer by the year. Or maybe I did totally the right thing, and I got out of a degenerating situation that had been nagging at me for months and months that something was deeply wrong. Or maybe it was somewhere in between those two poles. There's no way to know, and I'm limited to my own side, and my own perspective - and trapped in that middle ground of wondering how things "MIGHT" have gone had X Y or Z happened differently. I wish I had some kind of clarity, or certainty, but I don't.
I guess things are getting a bit easier, as the days and weeks and months go by - but its only by fractions of a degree. I miss her, or maybe just miss the person she used to be, if that person still exists. Head trauma is ... complicated - because the person looks the same, sounds the same ... but the person you knew, the person you fell in love with, isn't really the same person anymore. Its almost like, mourning the death of someone who is still alive, if that makes sense.
So here I am, taking it one day at a time, hoping for some brighter tomorrow, some slow healing or revelation or clarity that I did the right thing - but all I have are doubts. There's no closure to be found because all I ever got was silence. I've done everything people have recommended - focused on myself, focused on health and fitness, focus on learning new skills, on meeting new people, gone on dates, focused on family, focused on growing -> but it hasn't helped the giant, gaping hole in my life, and the never-ending uncertainty.
I expect no sympathy, or empathy ... and knowing reddit, I'll get a lot of people piling on to tell me what a piece of shit I am, lol'ing at how I fucked up my own life, and telling me she's better off without me. But then again sometimes even Reddit can surprise you with the insightful and thoughtful responses. More than anything, I just wanted to write this down somewhere, anywhere - to get it out of my head and my heart. Because the more it stews, the worse I feel. Thanks for reading, if you managed to make it this far.. its a long, messy, meandering story without any real ending. Will I hear from her again? Probably not. Will I get over her? Eventually I'm sure ... but what happens between now and then is anyone's guess. What ever it is, it'll happen on day, one moment at a time.
tldr; sometimes things just end - without someone cheating, or abusing the other person, or any real good way to sum it up. Life and relationships are long, complicated, nuanced and messy. Take care all, appreciate what you have while you have it, take it one day at a time

Hey everyone. So a little over a month ago I made a post about getting TST levels checked. Due to being on Methadone Maintenace therapy my testosterone levels were low, very low, almost non-existent. My level of free testosterone was 13. So my doctor started me on TRT, 200mg intra-muscular injection every 2 weeks. On the advice of this community I changed it to 100mg every week. Whoa, what a difference! I definitely feel better, more energy, eating better, losing weight, exorcising and sex drive through the roof. MY sex drive has been suppressed for so long (ive been divorced since 2019 and been single this whole time and haven't even really looked at a women for the past 3 years) that now that my tst is going up it has come back with a vengeance. To the point that im literally getting distracted from my reading and writing work because my mind is filled with nothing but sex for the last 3 weeks. All of a sudden Im joining multiple dating and hook up sites, lol. I guess, I have to re-learn some self control, because you cant just sit on your computer watching porn all day as that is not at all healthy and can easily turn into an addiction in itself. Any comments or advice on this would be great. Thank you.

Hello, everyone!
For fun, I thought I'd decide to make a post to put myself out there. I haven't dated anyone in a couple years since I've been working on myself, and I decided, it's about that time haha. Well, here goes nothing! 😊
A little about me: As in the title, I'm 26 years old and from east coast US, I'm Caucasian, average build, 5'9, black/brown hair with dark green eyes, and (since this seems to be a big deal for many) I'm a bottom. 🍑 😲 🤣
As for what I do and my interests. I'm currently a university student pursuing a PhD in mathematics. I am greatly fascinated with math and physics. I am always working on one or more textbooks at a time (I know "NERD" 🤓 haha). Aside from studies, I enjoy playing video games on PC (currently doing a modded Minecraft run-through. I also play League, some shooters, or really anything). I also try to keep up with myself and go on runs and do body resistance exercises. Thinking of randomly becoming a gym bro this summer (I got that random energy 😆 LOL). Also trying to secretly become master chef.....one day 😎.
What I want: Just a nice freaking dude? Is that so hard to ask for nowadays LOL? I just want someone I can regularly talk to, be intimate with, have FUN with, maybe do a lil gamin, maybe a lil Netflix, maybe a lil Netflix and chill 😲 lol. I would prefer you be in the US. Be mature. Have goals and interests of your own. Be healthy and care for yourself. I'm not really picky otherwise haha.
Well, there's my long essay. If anyone survived and wants to maybe hangout or chat, feel free to hit me up! I only really use Discord and prefer voice chatting. So, if you wanna reach out, send me something about you and your Discord tag.
Have a wonderful rest of your day, and stay healthy! ❤️ Thanks!

Hello, everyone!
For fun, I thought I'd decide to make a post to put myself out there. I haven't dated anyone in a couple years since I've been working on myself, and I decided, it's about that time haha. Well, here goes nothing! 😊
A little about me: As in the title, I'm 26 years old and from east coast US, I'm Caucasian, average build, 5'9, black/brown hair with dark green eyes, and (since this seems to be a big deal for many) I'm a bottom. 🍑 😲 🤣
As for what I do and my interests. I'm currently a university student pursuing a PhD in mathematics. I am greatly fascinated with math and physics. I am always working on one or more textbooks at a time (I know "NERD" 🤓 haha). Aside from studies, I enjoy playing video games on PC (currently doing a modded Minecraft run-through. I also play League, some shooters, or really anything). I also try to keep up with myself and go on runs and do body resistance exercises. Thinking of randomly becoming a gym bro this summer (I got that random energy 😆 LOL). Also trying to secretly become master chef.....one day 😎.
What I want: Just a nice freaking dude? Is that so hard to ask for nowadays LOL? I just want someone I can regularly talk to, be intimate with, have FUN with, maybe do a lil gamin, maybe a lil Netflix, maybe a lil Netflix and chill 😲 lol. I would prefer you be in the US. Be mature. Have goals and interests of your own. Be healthy and care for yourself. I'm not really picky otherwise haha.
Well, there's my long essay. If anyone survived and wants to maybe hangout or chat, feel free to hit me up! I only really use Discord and prefer voice chatting. So, if you wanna reach out, send me something about you and your Discord tag.
Have a wonderful rest of your day, and stay healthy! ❤️ Thanks!

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Yes, this is a GENUINE question. I want to know if other people, doesn’t matter the gender, have met men who are none of the above.
I’m 24F and I have only been in one relationship in my life and it was with my ex of 6 1/2 years. We have a 2 year old together. One of the biggest points of contention throughout our relationship was his porn habits and constantly following women on every form of social media. I do not mind if a guy casually watches porn, we all have needs but it’s the fact that his manifested into so many aspects of his life and it did create a deep insecurity in our relationship. Personally, I don’t watch much porn because I find it boring and not very stimulating compared to just thinking of my partner, you know? But maybe this is because I am unable to enjoy sex with someone unless we have an emotional bond. For men i understand from a biological standpoint why their minds are more sexual but still, at some point I feel like it becomes TOO much.
For example, my ex followed many many many models and SWs, especially when only fans blew up a couple of years ago. He would always watch those skits on YouTube that were comedy mixed with sexual undertones, with a ton of different attractive women. He also likes watching the fanbus interviews and any kind of interview where a woman is being interviewed about sex. It’s like his mind is always thinking about sex and women. This is not normal, right? Can someone please just tell me there are men out there with healthy relationships with porn?
I always see snarky comments from men when this subject comes up, they are so quick to label a woman as insecure and that was something my ex did to me frequently. Instead of owning up to how his behavior made me feel, he deflected and said I was “tripping” and called me insecure and jealous. Is it not normal to start to feel an insecurity when your partner is taking in so much sexual content on a daily basis? When he is seeing so many different types of women he finds sexually attractive on a daily basis? I don’t feel like it’s insane to imagine someone becoming insecure from this especially when their partner deflects and gives no security.
Many things fell apart in our relationship, but what made me break up with him is finding his hidden twitter porn account. He made it in April of 2023 and by December of 2023 when I found it, he had followed 800+ accounts. That’s baffling. And what’s sad is during this time period, before I knew about it, I asked him if he had a twitter porn account out of curiosity because at one point TikTok kept talking about twitter porn. Especially on SW pages, comments like “the twitter is crazy”. In the back of my mind, no matter how much he told me he wasn’t watching porn (we had established that he had an addiction and that there is no “healthy” amount for him to watch, he needed to break the addiction first) I still knew in the back of my mind that he was. He told me after our breakup that it was like a habit for him, it felt natural. He would do it inbetween games, when he was bored, when he was pooping, basically any time. It wasn’t just brought on from him being horny. This is STRANGE, right? Am I crazy?
I just don’t want to feel this kind of heartbreak and insecurity again. I’m not saying I wouldn’t want a man to EVER watch porn, I’m not religious or a prude, but I just want someone with a healthy relationship with porn and who isn’t a pervert. Like come on, even the anime my ex watched had to be a harem or sexual in some way for him to watch it.
Side note: I’m not saying if you’re religious you automatically don’t believe in watching porn, I’m just adding context to show that I do not have outrageous views (like some extreme religious people have).
Edit: I need to clear some things up here, since more context is needed based off the replies I’ve received already. 1. I am not a “prude” or uptight or believe I’m better than anyone. I have sexual thoughts and perverted thoughts just like the next person. And I don’t like “vanilla” sex or whatever you envision a prude to be like in your mind.

1. I used perverted too loosely here. Everyone has perverted thoughts. I’m talking about extremes.
   
2. If you’re offended that I’m singling out men here… this is a subreddit about dating and I am asking advice so guess what, I’m not going to ask about another gender! Also, historically men have oversexualized women and over sexualized EVERYTHING. Just take a look at history, please. Don’t bother responding if you’re a menist, or a “not all men type”. If you can’t see that there is an issue with the way sexual content is thrown in our faces and catered to men, then you are either delusional or just uneducated. Which is okay. Just do some research.
   
3. I don’t have high standards or extreme standards for the people I date. This is just the one boundary I set because of my experiences with my ex as well as just being a woman in a society where women are held to high standards sexually.
   
4. Believe it or not this IS a genuine question. This is not meant to be a man-bashing post or even a post to bash my ex. I brought him up to discuss my experience and give context. Porn addiction is real, just like being addicted to social media or your phone. I have heard so many disgusting comments come out of the mouths of so many men in my life, so yes I would truly like to know other peoples experiences. Again I have been with one person, I do not have much experience to go off of.
   

Maybe take some time to actually read my post before becoming a keyboard warrior ready to bash me just because you’re offended anytime you hear a negative comment about men.

I wrote a post yesterday about an embarrassing situation that happened between my wife's best friend who is currently staying at our house. I was not sure how to bring it up to my wife and you guys really helped me a lot in understanding the urgency of telling my wife. I also got some cool ideas on how to bring up the subject without making it awkward for anyone. For everyone saying Ana was doing it on purpose, I did not agree with it as I am an extremely average looking person and woman don't chase me. However, things since last night have been just crazy and I think I am spiraling a bit. Sorry for the long post.
So, I decided to tell my wife last night as soon as she came home about the incident. I liked the idea of jokingly bringing up casually so that we both can laugh about it and then forget it. Last night, when my wife came home, I made sure I stayed in our bedroom. I asked Ana if she could stay with my kid downstairs. As my wife was changing, I asked her if Ana still borrow her clothes. Ana had to borrow them regularly when she first moved (long story). My wife told me yes and she has told Ana she can take anything from her closet if she needs it. I asked my wife if Ana told her about the funny incident from Friday. My wife said no, and I told her the whole story about how I came home early, and Ana came in the room almost naked to get her clothes, and how embarrassing it was for both of us.
As my wife was listening to this, she completely froze and turned pale. She started murmuring in Spanish (which is her and Ana's native language). I don't understand Spanish really well, but I understood the words "hombre casado" and "orta vez". I asked her if she is ok, and she sat next to me and asked me to explain everything in detail. I just told her it was nothing and she must have not heard me coming in. I was trying to laugh it off, but my wife had water in her eyes. I kept on telling her it was not a big deal, but she kept on asking me for more details. She asked me how Ana talks to me. I told her that Ana barely talks to me since she moved in except few words here and there.
My wife then asked me about three weeks ago when my wife had gone to visit her parents for four days. Ana did not want to go with her and stayed back. I told her that Ana was just acting normal. She or I would cook dinner after I got home from work while the other took care of the kid. The only thing different was Ana generally spending her evening in her room. However, when I was sitting in the living room watching TV after the kids slept, Ana came and sat on the sofa next to me but did not talk to me. I asked her if she wants me to change the channel or stream something she likes, and she just said she wanted to get out of her room. However, she did not flirt with me or do anything unusual. I kept on telling my wife that it was just an accident, and I really did not understand why she reacted so emotionally to it. My wife refused to answer and just said ok and agreed with me. However, she told me I should have told her about the incident sooner and should not keep any secrets from her and gave me a big lecture. I told her that I did not think it was a big deal and thought Ana would tell her, but glad I brought it up.
After dinner, my wife messaged Ana to join us, and she came out. While talking, my wife brought up the incident and told Ana that I mentioned about the incident, and she does not need to feel embarrassed. Such things happen when we are all in the same house and is not a big deal. Ana was firstly taken by surprise, but then told my wife she was just scared to tell her because she thought my wife would judge her because of her past. My wife gave her a stare, and she quickly changed the topic.
At night, I asked my wife what the hell was going on. I told her to please not keep any secrets from me, and if she does not tell me, I will directly ask Ana about what her past has got to do with anything. My first guess was Ana might have had a thing for me before we got married or something. But my wife was very reluctant to answer and kept on trying to change the subject and cuddle. However, I kept being persistent, and she finally spilled the beans.
Apparently, when Ana was in her early 20s, she was in relationship with a married coworker who was twice her age. It was a kind of sugar daddy relationship, and he told her that he was in an open relationship (or that's what Ana told my wife) and he would leave his wife in few years once the kids go to college. This makes sense now, because Ana is very pretty (like Miss USA level), and I never understood why she was single for most of the time I knew her. She eventually ended that relationship and started dating her boyfriend Jim, who turned out to be an abusive asshole. My wife said she suspects Ana was still involved with the older guy while in relationship with Jim, which explains why he kept on accusing her of cheating. That is why my wife became emotional when I told her what Ana did because she was worried Ana has no boundaries regarding married men. My wife said that Ana always looks up to us and praises me for being such a loyal partner and how lucky my wife is. My wife was a worried initially when she brought Ana home, but her actions from the time when my wife was away clearly show that she respects the boundaries, and it must have been an accident. My wife told me she is grateful I let Ana live in our house and observe what a healthy and happy marriage looks like.
Today morning was even more weird. I got up early as I could not sleep well and went down for a cup of coffee. After 5 minutes Ana walked into the kitchen and told me she was relieved my wife did not overreact to Friday incident. She said I am a good husband and gave me a hug and peck on the cheeks. She has never hugged me in the last 6 months. She seemed to be in a happy mood and was making small talk with me while having coffee.
I cannot believe my wife did not tell me such a huge detail about Ana for all these years. It's completely possible she cheated all through the relationship with Jim, and my wife is just covering for her all along. She even kept it a secret from me (after giving me a lecture about how we should never have secrets), and I don't know what else she is hiding. Everything just seems very confusing at this point. I feel angry at my wife for lying to me all these years for Ana. I also now see Ana differently. I am also worried that me trivializing the incident to my wife might have sent wrong signals to Ana.

Hi Everyone! I've been getting some DM's after the score release thread yesterday, and it seems like it might be helpful for some to hear my experience with the test, so here we go.
BACKGROUND: I'm a US MD student at a T20 who is not top of the class in anything.
THIRD YEAR: Throughout clerkships, I used a pretty standard way for studying for every shelf exam. I would do all of the anki found within the most up-to-date version of the AnKing step 2 deck, did all the Uworld for the clerkship once, re-did all of my wrongs on uworld, then took as many CMS's for that subject as I could. I'd throw in a couple review videos from Emma Holliday and Divine here and there, but overall this was the setup. Generally scored about 85th percentile or so on those, and ended up scoring 74% on this first pass of uworld.
DEDICATED: Gave myself 5 weeks to study for it just to have a little more flexibility in how hard I went each day. On average I bet I spent around 8 hours studying each day, except for practice test days where it was more like 12ish.
Anki: I reset the step 2 AnKing deck at the very beginning of dedicated and set the due date for two days before my test. This came out to ~800-1200 review cards/day, which I mainly did at the gym while on the treadmill or in between sets. I also made anki cards for my wrong answers on Uworld and NBME's, which came out to about 800 cards total.
Practice Questions: Uworld is still king. I did around 80-120 questions/day on timed testing mode nearly every day that I was not taking a practice test. I would do all of these questions in a row in the morning and review them later in the afternoon at lunch. For reviews, I would honestly skim through the ones I got correct unless there was a knowledge gap, and read through everything on those I got wrong + make an anki card. Ended up getting through 45% and scoring 85% on this. Only other practice questions I relied on were the AMBOSS high yield risk factors, ethics, 200 concepts, and vaccine/screening blocks, which I did during my first week of dedicated.
Practice Tests: Do as many of these as you can. Both UWSA's and NBME's are great, but if you're in a bind and can't do both, I would focus on the NBME's since questions seem more alike to those seen on the test. I also tried my best to take and review the tests on the same day so I had a better recolleciton of my thinking during questions, but idk if this helped that much and it was brutal getting through on some days. Here's the order I did them and my scores:
NBME 9: 244 (35 days out), NBME10: 253 (28 days out), NBME11: 260 (21 days out), UWSA 1: 260 (18 days out), UWSA 3: 255 (13 days out), Old New Free 120: 91% (11 days out), NMBE13: 264 (10 days out), NBME14: 261 (7 days out), UWSA 2: 268 (5 days out).
I did these in this order based off the recommendation of some friends who had taken the exam previously, but I don't think there's a right answer. I also didn't take NBME 12 because I heard horror stories (I'm just a scared little guy) or the old old Free 120 since I heard it wasn't super representative at this point. SUPER IMPORTANT BOLDED POINT - I would normally take 1-2 days following my practice tests doing uworld specifically on the areas that were weaker based on my test result. I think doing this really helped keep things efficient.
Podcasts: Divine Intervention and Emma Holliday are the truth. For DI I listened to the rapid review series (there's a good spotify playlist if you type in "divine intervention rapid review") and the QI episodes. I also listened to all the Emma Holliday episodes by the end of dedicated. I mostly did this passively while exercising or cooking.
Day before test: This video right here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJgjMZk8\_To) is sweet. I followed a lot of the tips and found them helpful. Waking up early at 5 am and exercising helped a lot in terms of sleeping and calming my nerves. I also did NOTHING to study that day and recommend you do too. If you have to do something, try to keep it relatively light.
Day of Test: Got to the testing center half an hour early. I also had plenty of water with me and tons of different protein bars (shoutout kirkland brand protein bars) which I ate from during each break. The video I linked recommends having just a small cup of coffee before the exam to keep nerves stable, but if you're like me and a straight up caffeine junky you can do what I did and take caffeine pills before and during the test. I ended up taking one (200 mg) right before, another (200 mg) after three blocks, and a final (200 mg) after six blocks. Yeah I know that's a lot stop looking at me like that. For breaks I took my first after two blocks, one after the third, a longer one after the fourth, one after the sixth, and a final short one after the seventh. I will bold the following because I think this is what gives people an edge on test day, try to poop before the test begins. Nothing worse than thinking about that while trying to perform. Other than that, just be nice to the testing center folks.
OTHER STUFF: Try your best not to burn yourself out studying. Only you know what your capacity is, so strive towards maxing that out and no more than that no matter what those around you say. Also, try your best to eat healthy and exercise at least 3 days a week. Doesn't matter how you exercise, but just getting some movement is super helpful. I found going to the gym and mixing in anki was effective and efficient, but you do what's best for you. Last thing, try to find a hobby you can do at night after you're done studying. Mine was video games and seeing friends, but you do whatever makes you happy.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This test sucks man. It's long, the questions can be vague, and its stressful. That said it's also doable (especially compared to Step 1). The most important part is just doing your studying consistently and keeping yourself sane. That's easier said than done, but its definitely possible to do it. In the end, a lot of what happened in my case was just the form I got falling into my strengths, but being consistent with your studying and working on your weak areas through Uworld sets you up to be lucky.
tl;dr: 80-120 uworld questions/day, reset step 2 anking and set due date to near test date, take NBME's and UWSA's, hit weak areas, find a stress reliever, be cool to yourself, poop before test.
Put the word out that we all back up. Hope this helps someone.

Hey guys so we been dating for 9 months now and we call regularly.. Our relationship is great but lately I had a talk with my GF and she told me that I'm too private and this pisses her off
One of the things she asked me is to show her my room.. I'll be honest I'm self conscious about my room it looks like shit because it's too messy and I have a lot of stuff there.. I'm not the best organized person.. I never show my room to anyone even my friends it's my private safe space for me and when my GF asked to see it and I said no she got really mad at me
Well I'm aware that in relationships I should be open but I'm I feel like each person has boundaries that they don't like anyone to cross.. Mine is my room that's it.. I have no problem showing her my car, my office my outfits ext...
Besides the room she just says I don't share much about my personal life with her and this pisses me off because one she never ask about anything in my day.. Two whenever I talk about my personal life she seems dismissive or she doesn't care
So idk what she wants when she says I'm too private.. How can I deal with this issue and fix it? I genuinely don't know what to do to be less private or if me being private is wrong to begin with
I have a moderate privacy.. Not too private and not too open.. I think it's healthy level but since she's too open I think she expects the same from me
Thank you guys

Sorry for the long post but I need to vent and no one in my life cares enough to listen. I M(23) on paper should be having a great life. I grew up middle class, never missed a meal, was a competitive swimmer (those who swam know it’s an expensive sport), went on vacations and had all my needs taken care of. I graduated college and have very manageable student loans; I work a decent paying job, with great benefits, where I can save a lot for my future because I live at home, I’ve had trouble with my parents in the past, but we have worked through our issues, so it hasn’t been awful. From the outside I have the stereotypical middle-class upbringing, I am very thankful that my parents have provided me with everything and on paper I should be thriving, I work out daily, eat healthy and take my dog on a walk, but I am fucking miserable.
I’ve had depression since I was about 16 and it’s been on/off, in high school it was bad but high school just sucks anyway. When I went to college, I thought things would be different, but I was wrong. I had a good time in college and made good memories, but I was a shell of my former self by the end. I would do anything to help others not feel how I was feeling, which lead to everyone saying they “would do anything for me” or that they “loved” me, it was all a bunch of bullshit, no one cared about be, no one was worried when I would go quiet or not show up to gatherings. My coaches didn’t care either, they belittled me daily, told me I wasn’t good enough or that I need to be more like the better people on the team, they gave up on me when I needed help. I spent months in therapy talking through my problems because of them, a coach who breaks you down to nothing can really mess you up. I quit mid-season of my junior year because I couldn’t take it anymore, I was horribly depressed, I resented everything and everyone. All through high school I was told that I wasn’t good enough, all through college I was told I wasn’t good enough and it brought me to tears daily, who the fuck tells a young kid that they aren’t good enough to succeed????
I thought graduating college would make my life a bit better but boy was I wrong. I got a starter job out of school for a decent company but they never gave me work and the pay was shit, I got told I was doing most things wrong but “they just loved having me”. This job really starting hitting me hard because I was stuck in an office with no windows and couldn’t really go outside and the work was depressing. My depression has been prevalent since my senior year since I lived in a shitty situation with roommates. I was breaking down and couldn’t stop, therapy wasn’t helping, my parents had no idea what was going on and my friends just ignore me when I’m low. For some background my romantical life doesn’t exist, whatever it is women want I just don’t have, I’ve been ghosted countless time and have been told that I’m not a catch. My friends however love telling me about all the women they have been on dates with or had sex with, then they always make fun of my inability to talk to women. I am saying this because I was doing ok for a while and trying to work on myself and manage the job trying to make it better, but I made a stupid choice (yes I know it was my fault and I have no one to blame but myself) and got sexually extorted. Just my luck that the one person who feigned interest in me was just extorting me for money. I lost a good amount over it and was ready to off myself because I couldn’t stop thinking why the fuck did this happen to me, of all people why me? What deity did I piss off so much that they decided to fuck with me like that. They eventually released my pictures but thankfully no one has said anything to me and that was months ago.
Since that incident I have been living in a fugue state where I am so disconnected from reality that I have no idea what is wrong with me. The last time I was truly happy was when I got my dog and he is the only thing that makes me smile anymore, I have no joy or passions, nothing excites me. I’m irritable all the time and just not a joy to be around. I’m constantly told how much money my friends make and how much sex they have and that they have better jobs and how my degree is useless (marketing). I don’t fit in anywhere and my new job is ok, but I have zero work and don’t fit in. I feel useless and feel like I am constantly making the wrong decisions, because I am being told how successful my friends will be compared to myself. Even my therapist ghosted me, and I haven’t been to another one because I don’t have the energy to set up the appointments, I feel like the end of the road is coming quick and am losing hope for anything getting better. I mean who wants a below average looking guy with no hobbies or passions working a middle of the road job? I try doing yoga and meditation daily, but things aren’t getting better, everything that I have dealt with is compounding into one big issue and I just don’t have the strength to fight anymore.
Sorry for the long post but venting helped a bit. TLDR I am miserable and things aren’t looking better.

Evening all, thanks for reading
A brief history - I've been in the construction industry since I were 19 , about 6 years ago I started a construction company with a bricklayer friend of mine doing extension's etc I stayed in this partnership for around 5 years but the lack of effort and quality work coming from my partner got the best of me and I decided I wanted out so we liquidated the company and went or separate ways.
I ended up starting a new company around 18 months ago and things went fine at first, however around 6 months ago I substantially under priced two large jobs (my biggest to date) I just underestimated the amount of work in them, and probably got complacent in the estimating process. I struggled through always paying my subby's and employees leaving very little for myself to live on, because of this I've had to miss my last 3 quarters vat payments to hmrc (around 20k) as I had to use the vat money to pay supplies and tradesmen to keep the job running otherwise they would be no money coming in.
Now moving forward I've been extra diligent when pricing and have work booked in, with healthy profit margins. But I'm unsure whether I will be able to come back from this financially. I'm unsure when I'll be able to pay back HMRC.
So i suppose what I'm asking is has anybody else been in this situation?
Any useful advice on what I can do to move forward
Thank again