A story of a boy immersed in deep despair. Zein has been living alone for quite a long time. He was abused when he was young and his body, filled with scars. He is emotionally sensitive and has a bad temper. As he continues his depressing life, he meets a young man two years younger than him, Rain. His life began to change. He started feeling emotions that he had never felt before, happiness, belongingness, and love. Is Rain the light he needed to finally realize his worth?
Zein, a 21 year old, living in a dark apartment all by himself. He's now in college and is currently working as a part-time in a small mini mart.
Mini mart bell rings
"Welcome, please pick whatever you like and pay up" Zein's deep rusty voice greeted the customer. His gloomy emotion seems to be affecting the customer. "Do you have a box of cigars?" The customer asked. "Sorry but we ran out this morning. We're still restocking" Zein replied. "Seriously? Why build a mini mart when you can't sell what customers want?". The tone of the customer suddenly changed. "How about you get the fuck out of here before I cut your throat open" Zein glared at the customer which exited the building angrily. "I hate this shitty life".
Zein's shift finally ended and he went back to his apartment. His neighbors could feel the dark aura emitting from the room. "What are you weirdos looking at?!" Zein glared at the neighbors like how he glared at the customer. He entered his apartment and went to the kitchen to grab a knife. He pop open a box of cigarettes and started smoking while slowly cutting shallow cuts on his wrist. He has been doing this for a while. "Ugh!" Zein groans looking at the bathroom mirror.
Crash!
He threw the knife at the mirror breaking it to a million pieces. He hated his appearance. He was filled with scars. He had red eyes and slightly edged teeth. His hair was soft but rustled. He was tall with white pale skin. Many people would mistakenly think of him as a goth. At school, girl would flock around him asking him for something or sometimes even confessions. He always got confused how he got these confessions even with his appearance.
The morning came and he started to change to his uniform. He started his bike and went to school. He could answer any question at school but he is really a bad tempered person. On a specific event, he shouted at a teacher which gave him detention. His grades were always high but one specific subject, Moral, was always low. Well, it's obvious why.
Ring
The school bell rang which means class was about to begin. Their teacher, Mr. Ordoniez entered the classroom with a new student with him. "Class, before we start off, we have a new exchange student from Tokyo." The class was filled with murmurs as most of them haven't went to Tokyo yet. It's a seven hour ride from Ishikawa to Tokyo. "Quiet class. Sir Hakari, please introduce yourself." The teacher signalled the student to go in the middle of the classroom. He was slightly short with light and soft skin. His eyes were orange and brown, it looked like ambers in the sun. He had medium brown hair that we're a but curly but also tidy. He looked around the classroom and started to introduce himself smiling. "Good morning everyone. I'm Hakari Rain. I'm here as an exchange student. My parents work at the Kori.corp nearby so I requested to be an exchange student here instead. Nice to meet all of you and I hope you would take care of me" Rain's soft voice brightened the room and his smile lit up everyone's faces. "Ok Sir Hakari, please sit beside..." The teacher paused searching for an empty seat. "Beside Sir Iwatani." The teacher pointed the seat beside Zein. Everybody was shocked as they know Zein's behavior. His bad temper might spill out again. "Sir, why does he have to sit beside me. He can move his chair somewhere else you know" Zein was surprisingly calm about this but still, his glare darkened the room. "Ok, if you wish. Sir Hakari, you can move you chair anywhere you like." Rain dragged his chair away from Zein and he stole a glimpse of him. "Your eyes are so pretty" Rain accidentally said those words out loud. He blushed out of embarrassment as Zein glared at him. The room went silent as everyone looked at Rain blushing. "SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT". Rain apologized and hurriedly sat on his seat. The class continued and he could see Zein sleeping during class. "Psst, psst." Zein looked up to see who was calling him. "PSSST!!" Zein looked at Rain calling him. "What do you want?" The teacher suddenly went silent and called Rain. "Mr Hakari, you seem to already know this since you're talking something that isn't connected to my topic so I'll ask you a question. What is the capital of the Philippines which I mentioned while discussing?" Rain went silent thinking about the answer "Manil-" Rain was about to say his answer when Zein interrupted. "Manila sir" Rain looked at Zein saying the correct answer before him. "Hey! That was my question" Rain pouted as he looked at Zein angrily. "Maybe because I'm better than you" Zein smirked. "EXCUSE ME? Sir, please another question". Rain demanded. "Ok? What is the most famous mountain here in Japan"? The teacher asked "MOUNT FUJI!" Rain shouted his answer. "Guess I am the better one heh" Rain smiled proudly and Zein's smirk slowly faded. "Another one sir" Zein demanded next. "Ok? What continent does Japan belong to?". "Asia of course." Zein immediately replied. Rain's face could be seen and he looked very annoyed. Both of them kept demanding more questions until the class finished and in the end, Zein answered the most questions while Rain was one point behind.
Ring
The bell rang signalling everyone to go to lunch. "Who's better little mouse?" Zein smirked and went out to lunch. "This isn't over." Rain whispered to himself and sat down at his table. Zein exited the classroom and everyone started to crowd around Rain. "Wow you're so smart! I can't believe you stood up to Zein like that!" A student excitedly complimented Rain. "What's with Zein anyway? He's not that bad." Everyone went silent. "He's feared by everyone because of his bad temper. Rumor has it that he killed a student once" Another student replied. "Pfft that's just rumors. Turns out that student transferred to another school." A blue haired boy abruptly gave info about the rumors. "Hey there! I'm Nikko. Can we be friends?" Nikko went all out to greet Rain and it seemed a bit overwhelming. "Oh? Not much if a talker? Don't worry it's ok!" Nikko smiled and patted Rain's head.
-Zein's POV-
Heh. He thought he could answer more questions than me. Pathetic. I've been going over and over to that class for two years. I know the questions and the answers. Even if I don't study, I can answer any question. He was very competitive. I like it.
--Disclaimer-- This is my original story please don't repost unless if you ask permission.
Comment if you liked it and chapter 2 comming soon

I think this is mostly because my memory has gone to shit. But i don’t hold grudges, i can’t hold grudges even if i wanted to. My parents for example, the biggest thing my parents have done to hurt me is lie to me about my biological dad, created a whole fake scrapbook to keep up with the lies, with false dates and names. I would not have found out the truth if The biological father (who i don’t have in my life because i chose not to) hadn’t found me and told me the truth himself. My parents made this all about them, my mom made excuses for herself and my dad felt betrayed and ignored me for weeks when the truth came out, he expected an apology from me. I never had a good relationship with my dad, i thought i hated him he was always angry at everyone, he was verbally abusive and strict af, i couldnt breathe around him. My mom stopped defending me because he would just yell at her and then she would yell at me saying she would never defend me again. Every terrible argument i had with my parents ended with me telling myself “remember this feeling remember how hurt you are-remember their words dont forgive them for this” But i always forgive even without an apology. I moved out almost 2 years ago and i feel safer, im not used to arguing and being yelled at anymore, but now ive become more sensitive to everything, i still see my parents from time to time and when they yell or bicker with me in the slightest i cry and i kind of start to tweak out. They look at me like im crazy and tell me i dont know how to handle discipline i dont need to cry over everything. I dont want to fucking cry but i cant help it and knowing that im making a fool of myself just bawling my eyes out makes me more angry with myself and my reaction to things. My mom has put me in mental hospitals just because she didnt know what to do with me anymore. After my first and only attempt to take my life she became reliant on mental hospitals to just take me away whenever things got bad. And that brought more trauma, so mucb happened to me in those places and she swore it was meant to help me. Then i was in a residential treatment center for 2 months, i had to live there, i didnt see the outside world at all. Thats when i got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and thats when i started to hate myself more. Theres so much i could say this isnt even half, now all i will ever be is my trauma its made me into such a complex person and i cant deal with myself anymore. I dont feel a strong love for my parents, i could move to a city far away and never talk to my entire family ever again and i would be fine, except my little siblings ofc id miss them. No matter what i can forgive my parents which is without saying because they’re all i have. But even past boyfriends , past friends who have destroyed me i can still talk to them because i dont remember the hurt i felt only the action, and i do forget sometimes, so people take advantage of that, the people in my life know that they can walk all over me and i wont hold it against them for too long. Because im used to being hurt and betrayed, and i feel like its whats i deserve

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

Throwaway account because I need advice before I go mentally insane. There's a guy that I started to talk to in high school. I didn’t know him but he seemed like my type (same religion/spirituality, same ethnicity, tall, good vibes) and so we started to talk because I wanted to get to know him better.
Fast forward to a couple weeks after we start talking, he tells me he loves this other girl that we both know (we all go to the same school). He tells me all of his issues with her and how he’s depressed about her not liking him back and I'm like oh. I never knew he felt this way about her. He said that he would always love her and he just has a feeling that they will end up together.
In my head, I was friendzoned and honestly I was okay with it because we only talked for like 2 weeks before he told me about his past situationship with that girl. We kept texting though and we ended up getting really close (he wasn’t in a situationship during this, he was just grieving the fact that she didn’t like him back).
Fast forward 5 months, we're super close now. But then he completely disappears, no calls, no texts and right before he disappeared he told me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. That broke me. Then a month later he comes back out of nowhere and apologizes about what he did and says he was in a bad mental state and he just needed to be alone. I was so hesitant to let him back in because I still felt broken from that last conversation. But he apologized so much so I caved and said I guess we can be friends. We went to the same school too, so I'd see him every day regardless, including when he completely stopped talking to me. He also has mental health issues and has been told by doctors to get properly diagnosed but he hasn’t done it.
Then we start talking again and 6 months later he tells me he loves me. I was shocked, because remember he spent the first couple weeks of us talking telling me about how he'd always love that other girl and they were destined to end up together. So in my head I'm like "uhh...are you sure about this?"
We had our big final exams coming up too, so I wasn't trying to start anything romantic that could mess with my studying. I already knew he was capable of sending me on an emotional rollercoaster, and I didn't need that affecting my academics. So I told him I didn’t feel the same way about him, leaving him heartbroken. We still saw each other every day for the next 2 years at school and would text on and off. He told me he would be willing to wait till we were older, but I didn't want to give him false hope and told him I cannot guarantee him anything.
We ended up both graduating and are now at university and at this point, I thought he had moved on. We spoke 4 or 5 times during our freshman year and they were 8+ hour long calls or full days of texting. Now we are in our sophomore year and he tells me he still loves me. I don’t know what to do. I legitimately thought he was over me and moved on. I feel like I'm just shattering his heart into a million pieces at this point, because sometimes when we talk he seems so emotionless, like he's just numb from the pain. Now we speak occasionally every few months and sometimes every few weeks. He just texts me out of the blue or calls me.
But he thinks I don't love him back. The thing is I don't want to let myself love him back, because he has never given me a sense of stability. Since I met him he has always acted on very strong emotions, gets very upset and very angry and that has rubbed onto me. Whenever he would get sad, I would get sad and I felt like I had no control over my own emotions when I was around him. If I was in a happy mood and he was upset about something, he would get angry at me for being happy while he was upset. I also feel like he has no goals in life. He's just cruising along whereas I want someone who's very goal oriented and has a stable job because I am very goal oriented. I have done a lot better than him academically speaking as well. Sometimes I think it is my fault for him not trying because I broke his heart by saying I didn't love him back, but I think that’s a stupid thought and I'm not responsible for him acting the way he does and slacking off.
I also realized that despite him being the same ethnicity, he isn't in touch with his background at all which is very different to me. And due to this, I 100% know that my family will not be fond of his family and my family will not be happy with me dating him. They are aware of him though and know that we used to be close friends. He is also not religious/spiritual. I would say I'm 100 times more religious/spiritual than him. I have met other guys who do align with my goals in terms of stable careers and hardworking, enjoys traveling, and has the same religion/spirituality. But I just have not known these guys as long as I have known him. I feel like we both either have attachment issues or a trauma bond or we are just some dysfunctional soulmates.
A part of me wants to give him a shot, but I don't want to end up trying to mold him into who I want him to be. I don't want to nag him about studying harder at university or tell him to travel just because that's what I'm into. If I do that, he may grow to resent me down the line because he would have only made those changes because I pushed him, not because it's what he genuinely wanted for himself. The truth is, he just doesn't seem to have any goals of his own right now.
Another part of me thinks that if we try to make it romantic, it could completely ruin the relationship we've built over all these years. We're still at a point where we can reach out to each other for help when we really need it. I don't want to risk damaging that bond by giving a romantic relationship a shot, only for it to backfire and make us end up resenting or even hating each other.
I also feel like I'd be doing myself a disservice by giving him a chance. There are certain non-negotiable qualities I need in a partner, and he just doesn't display those. I feel like I'd be settling if I committed to him. I don't want to spend my life having to constantly manage his emotions and push him to take action. I don't want to mother him - I already felt that way when we were very close before.
After all these years, I still have an emotional bond with him though. And he still says he loves me. I have tried no contact multiple times, the longest being around a year. But it just hasn’t worked. The other girl he mentioned in the first two weeks of us talking many years ago is long gone by the way. It's been just me and him in that sense for a long time now. And we have so many mutuals and know the same people, which makes fully separating impossible. But I don’t know if taking the risk and giving him a shot is the way to go or if leaving things as they currently are is the better option.

I loved my in-laws. It was the most devastating to me to lose what felt like my family. Sunday brunches, Christmas , Easter … birthdays …
It was such a loving family and I know they loved me very much. When my ex husband cheated and left me for the mistress they were very distraught. They were dissapointed with their son/brother … but what could they do?
They asked me if I would be willing to still join large family events but knew that I could not show up with my ex and his mistress. There as well.
We all held each other and cried. It felt like I died and was a ghost who could only love them from another realm. Being loved and missed but never seen again.
I kept contact with his youngest sister. We both ride horses and she stabled her horse with mine. We help each other out at competitions.
Through the years the others sporadically send me texts telling me they love me… saying “ we have to meet up” but never follow up. I ran into his brothers and they both bursted in tears just at the sight of me. Saying how much they miss me.
I always kept saying I was happy to swing by or do something with them if they wanted… but they never followed up and I am not the one for begging for attention.
A few days ago I gave a big party and invited my ex SIL and her husband. They were excited to meet my boyfriend.
They were smitten with him. ( I get it he is amazing) Ex-SIL came up to me at the stables a few days after the party telling me she told her parents about my boyfriend and how great he is. Her parents were so excited for me and so happy. They all cried again.
Now I have someone suddenly they want to invite me for dinner. My SIL suggested she throw a BBQ and invite us all. Somehow now I have a BF they feel less guilty to invite me.
My boyfriend thinks it is adorbs my ex in-laws love me so much. He is comfortable with meeting them although is agreeing it is a bit strange.
I don’t know about all this though. Losing them was the hardest part of all of this. Knowing their parties just went on with my wish.com replacement killed me. Even knowing they missed me and they did not like the mistress ( still to this day) did not help me.
We will see what will happen. They have said these things before and then never executed it. So let’s see. Meantime I do feel happy that they still care about my happiness. That is pretty sweet. But I am not convinced I can rekindle a relationship with them … that is pretty bitter .

Sometimes i remember a couple years ago when my ex forgot my birthday and wished to someone else on the internet instead. I remember all the hurtful stuff. At first, they all stuck bcs I wasn’t sure what I should feel the first time those words or actions happened.
Him saying that he had to pretend to be happy and finding me a chore was not nice to hear, especially when I didn’t want to be a burden. I don’t see it as a good kind of self-sacrifice, especially how I feel treated until the very end. How can I look back and cherish the good memories when it was not genuine? Impossible. Maybe there was none. So many hurtful stuff. So i spit back all the negatives. At least I’m glad that I genuinely tried to treate him with care

Hey friends, following up from last weeks post. It's Mental Health Awareness Month, and we've been through 14 different guests so far! Raising awareness and doing something a little different content wise has been an amazing learning experience!

Today's episode features Derek Brown from FantasyPros!

https://preview.redd.it/7cqcn03fis0d1.png?width=2560&format=png&auto=webp&s=a7146731fbe031c7e1ea178df46bb8e05ccc69d2
11am ET: https://www.youtube.com/live/jvzwJ9h6BCE?si=2735Ke2wCmxFMQe_
(details and links to other shows in comments)
A fantastic article by Leo McNeely (@MasterIDP): https://rpofootball.com/mental-health-fantasy-sports/
I hope someone out there can find these stories and lessons fruitful, and remember:

IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

The first step to recovery is owning your struggle and reaching out. Here are some resources:
1. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

• Provides 24/7 free, confidential support for people in distress. You can call or text 988, or chat online at 988lifeline.org.

2. Crisis Text Line

• Another free, 24/7 confidential support service. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor.

3. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)

• Offers a wealth of resources, including educational materials, support groups, and a helpline.
• NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or text "HelpLine" to 62640pen_spark
• Website: nami.org

4. MentalHealth.gov

• A government website providing information about different mental health conditions, where to find treatment, and how to navigate getting help.pen_spark
• Website: www.mentalhealth.gov

5. Psychology Today

• Features a comprehensive directory of therapists and mental health providers across the United States. You can search by location, specialty, insurance accepted, and other criteria.pen_spark
• Website: www.psychologytoday.com

Stay happy, stay healthy, and believe in yourself.
I appreciate you guys and the mods for giving this the thumbs up. I'll be back next week with the more reviews, notes and links about the previous and next batch of episodes.

Yall know a conversation requires a listener and a talker to make it a conversation.
A while ago, some special someone decided to change the way people talk. She decided that speaking out loud will leave a record, which is a liability.
She decided human should speak with physical action, instead of words.
Yeah long story short, all the language barrier is out the windows. Since she is pretty much the only one that understands.
The way this work is pretty basic, straight to the point. But you will have no idea what she on if you don't know what is going on.
If she find something annoying, she will deliberately do something annoying.
So, you probably see how pointless is that right?
Basically just speaking out loud but for real, for real. Pretty much she is the only one talking right now, since there ain't no one else speaking the way she does.
All this just kind of pointless to me really, when people decided to speak with actions instead of words. That means the strongest survive, the strongest speak the loudest etc...
Until she meet someone that is just too powerful and she won't even get the chance to speak.

I've always struggled to make decisions sometimes even having almost full blown panic attacks when I had to make something really big.
As an adult I have discovered that one of the main reasons I struggle stems from the fact that my mother never let me make my own decisions, or she would question literally anything I do.
I started lifting weights for fun and recently started training to compete. Anytime she contacts me and if I'm on my way to the gym she'll be like "Why are You going to the gym? Weren't you just at the gym? Do you really need to work out so much? Is that even good for your body?" She'll even comment on the amount of protein I consume despite the fact that I've been doing this for THREE YEARS!
Even something a simple as going to the store needs to be scrutinized.
Me: trying to leave
Mom: where you going?
Me: Just out
Mom: out where?
Me: The store.
Mom: What store?
Me: * give store name.* * About to leave again.*
Mom: why do you need to go to the store?
Me: to get some stuff
Mom: what stuff
Me: I don't have time to stand here and list all the things I need to get.
Mom: Well how long are you going to be gone? Me: I don't know.
Mom: You don't know?!
Me: gives arbitrary time.
Mom: " Do you think it's a good idea to go to the store right now?"
Me: have now fully checked out
I've almost missed out on great job and career opportunities because she had to throw her 2 cents in and made me question myself.
And even if she doesn't out right question me she'll make a comment that makes me question myself.
Like I got a job offer that had me in Europe for a year. Great money, my housing was fully paid, and I got per diem for food. Before I left she kept asking me if I really wanted to go, and when I finally said yes she was like "okay, you're an adult. You can make your own decisions."
Really because it doesn't feel like it, feels like your trying to guilt me for daring to be my own person.
The only time she doesn't do it (or rather can't) is When I'm at a family function. If she starts her long line of questioning, someone will step in and say something to the degree of "Can you just let her do her thing, she's a full-grown woman?"
Edit: fixed the dialogue section that was scrunched together.

So I need some guidance on a couple of things. To clarify, I was advised to not date until I worked on my self-esteem and mental health; I'm not very comfortable in my own skin (I'm currently exercising again so I don't hate my body as much) and given I would get easily frustrated from the lack of results on apps, I uninstalled them. Perhaps I took them too seriously and was overly critical.
One day the topic of sleeping with friends/FWB's came along and when I expressed that I don't have those type of connections (at least with one friend but not anymore, and my other gay friends don't see me in that light), I was told to go out and make new friends (preferably , even just meeting people to establish something like a relationship or just start dating.
This was where I got confused because I understand the lines and differentiations between hookups, relationships, dating and friendships, but they recommended I'd experience each category but don't want me to date at all? I get the suggestion to keep it casual but I'm also expected to tightrope it?
My other conundrum is not knowing how to go out to places alone at my big age (30 onto 31 next month) as I've always done something with a group (Pride but that was years ago, now conventions and board game nights, maybe meeting up with a friend to do something). At least at conventions I can branch off and do my own thing but that's like 5,000+ or more of like-minded nerds.
I've also thought of taking a trip alone to Florida to visit a friend, but that's about it. Otherwise, being between DC and Baltimore, there are places to go supposedly but I don't really have the charisma, vulnerability, attractiveness or social skills to leave my comfort zone, engage with others and stand out with people (I really want to see a drag show next month in Baltimore but don't want to roam the city alone at night nowadays). One friend said just go, and I'm like, "Alright but I'll likely put up a wall and embarrass myself in the process."

Hello all. So a little back story, I’m 28f, husband is 32m. We have three kids 7f, 4m and 2f. He’s the breadwinner, works 60 plus hours a week, while I stay home with the kids and take care of pretty much everything else. There has DEFINITELY been control issues and emotional abuse in the past unfortunately. I am working on finding way to better respond to that though.
So recently my friends sister had reached out to me and asked me if I would go out to dinner to celebrate my friends 6 months of sobriety. Just meeting my friend, her sister and her mom out at a restaurant for dinner. My friend unfortunately relapsed last year after being 3 years clean which lead to an overdose, so I want to show my support for her. I also haven’t seen her in person in over 10 years. I had cut ties with her once her drug use got bad. We reconnected maybe 2 years ago. However I’ve kept a healthy distance, because obviously I have 3 kids that I don’t need exposed to anything negative. I had to call CPS on my sister when I was 16 after all due to her heroin use.
My husband however instantly scoffed at me and said it was stupid. He doesn’t want me hanging around “those people” and said it’s pointless to be celebrating basically nothing. It’s been nothing but passive aggressive comments any time I’ve brought it up.
I told him last night that I also want to go so I can see her mom and her sister. I was there as a teenager helping her mom paint the house while she was going through a divorce, I also used to stay with her sister when no one else was home because she didn’t like being home alone. I’d love to see all of them. This lead to him interrogating me on who’s going to be there.
I told him that he has every right to feel how he doesn’t about the situation. I also told him that If I were struggling and needed support that I’d hope that someone would be there for me who was a positive influence.
We’ve had many people struggle with addiction in our lives. We’ve both cut contact with many family members over addiction. It seems like he’s allowed to have friends in not so good places but I’m not.
I understand this is a toxic situation all around. Am I disrespecting my husband if I go? What can I say to put his mind at ease? Hes making me feel like I’m choosing my “loser friend”(his words) over him.
If you’re still reading at this point then thank you and sorry for the word vomit. I’m open to any and all advice.

this is a strange trend i noticed when re-watching some dcau stuff (the universe that justice league, batman animated series and superman animated series all take place in) is that when the hero's use non super hero personnel they typically drastically underarm these power people.
like in justice league unlimited when cad mas launched the ultimen into the watch tower and one of them found the emergency area where the human personal are supposed to go in situations like that. said people had to try and take down the shapeshifting meta human super weapon by swarming her with there bare fists in-spite of all the people in the justice league that know how to make scifi gear nary a power shield or laser gun in-spite in the INCREDIBLE LIKELY event of this situation occurring given how many evil space conquerors the league has pissed off at this point. especially since most of the super hero's might winde up deployed at the other end of the universe leaving only the normies to protect the watch tower.
or in batman and harly quin in the beginning when STARLABS aka earths hub for scifi gear in this universe is attacked by poison ivy and Jason woodrew attack to steal some info the security force IN A LAB THAT ROUTINELY MAKES POWERFUL SCI FI GEAR all the security personal personal were equipped with was a pistol and a cotten shirt thats it despite the fact that star labs is based in an aera well known for super villain attacks. the list of potential super groups that my attack star labs includes but is not limited to lex luther toy man atomic skull, metalo, Intergang, bizaro ( assuming someone can manipulate him into it), random giant monsters, random aliens, anyone rich enough to hire lobo the list goes on. so it would be in there best intrest for them to equip there security force with the right armor and weapons to guard against what might actually want to attack the lab. or at the end of said film when the marines were dispatched with batman to deel with ivy and floronic man there weapons were just burst fire assault rifles even though it is proven that bullets dont work on him or ivys plant monsters not even a flame thrower which would work on him as later a mere match defeated him.
but the most agregios example occurred in justice league vs the fatal five mr terrific moved the time sphere the thing the villains need to return home to one of his secure facility's he is aware that there are from the future and has seen first hand what they can do and how dangerous they are (one of which was able to down superman with an ax) mr terrific himself is one of the smartest men on earth and has his own tech company. so in this facility he knows the villains has to go to so what does he pervayer of sci weapons give the personnel here given all the info he has on the enemy standard semi automatic assault rifles thats it.
so my question is WHY are the hero's under arming these people they are responsible for. villains like lex luther who dont care about the lives of there personal will give there security teams scifi weapons galore because most people gunning for him likely either have scifi weapons of there own, super powers or both. but the "good guys" who care about people dying tend to just give them a wish and a prayer when they know that there personal might be fighting super powers and scifi weapons so whats the deal.

Episode=2,house in the middle of forest.you saw in your previous episode..ep2 begins in 1998 where there is a huge crowd of people,then two officers are bringing one man with them People were saying very bad things about that man, then that man started laughing very loudly and he said you humans don't have brains, I only did good to you people and you gave me this reward for that See, even if you kill me, my soul will definitely come to take revenge from you That's when an office guy shoots a bullet in the head of that man only then ethan comes out of his dream.ethan thinks about his dream which happened in the basement ethan goes to the basement and looks but there is no one there Then the door bell rings ethan opens the door, his mom and dad are there and his cousin emily addison He meets his cousin, Ethan's dad said. Ethan Emily has come to our house, take her to your room ethan takes emily to his room ethan said = Emily your mom and dad haven't come. Emily said = he has gone out for some work, he will be back in a few minutes. ethan said = and how are your studies going. Emily said = good. look brother, what have I brought for you Ethan looks at the drawing which came in his dream. Emily said = I have made this with my own hands, how did you like it ethan gets very scare Emily said = brother did you not like it!.ethan said= no it is very good by the way how did you make it Emily said = what happened is that I like drawing very much, I have learnt it since childhood, I have made many drawings ethan said= is this for me Emily said = yes I made this for you only, I did it because I wanted to make a horror drawing sometime ago, so ethan said=it's very good By the way, what name have you given to it? Emily said = I want you to give it a name because I have brought it for you Ethan said= Look, I don't no know how to name the drawings so you name them Ethan gives Emily a drawing. Emily thinks what the drawing should be called.emily said=aaaa wonka.that's when ethan's mom calls him and Ethan takes that drawing from Emily and keeps it in his room Both them go downstairs where Emily's parents, are there ethan dad ask them to stay for dinner tonight.Everyone talks to each other. Ethan said=Dad your friend's fracture is fine.Dad said=Yes his leg fine now Emily dad asks what happened to your friend, Ethan said= he had an accident and his leg got fractured After dinner Emily and her parents go home Ethan goes to his room, Ethan looks at that drawing, ethan remembers the photo in the basement, Ethan thinks that his cousin has also made the same photo which was in the basement.When he goes to the basement, he sees those bags, he opens those bags, but there is no photo on it.ethan wonders where that photo went ethan goes to his dad and said = dad, where did you keep that photo of yours which was very creepy, dad said = hooo, I took that photo from a shop, I had to take photos, those photos were of low budget and the rest were of high budget ethan said = where did you keep those photos, dad said = I burn that photo ethan said=why did you burn that photo dad said=that photo was very dirty that's why come on now go to sleep, you have to go to school tomorrow ethan goes to his room ethan think about that photo, his father burn that photo and that photo came to him again ethan sleeps At 2 o'clock a deep voice is calls ethan Ethan looks up and sees that the voice is coming from that drawing That's when ethan's room door open in his self someone call ethan outside the door, He goes outside and checks,He goes to the hall and sees that there is a lady sitting there in a completely white dress that lady is crying a lot that lady takes ethan's name Ethan becomes very scare and then look back he sees that same people are sitting there and their faces are covered with white cloth. And the lady has also disappeared from there ethan calls his mom and dad ethan run away from there ethan is in maze ethan try to find a way to get out of the maze That's when Ethan's leg slips and he falls down that's when that deep voice calls Ethan again and again ethan close his eyes then suddenly the deep voice gon Ethan open his eye and sees that he is in a forest ethan sees a small child crying a lot ethan goes near him and tries to talk to him That's when the child runs away and Ethan chases him The child goes into the house, that house is in the middle of the forest. ethan goes inside that house, that house is small from outside and very big from inside, ethan listen a strange sounds come from that house That's why that child runs away from the stairs, Ethan chases him That child goes inside a door, then he goes near that door and opens that door Inside the room a man wearing a strange dress is cutting someone's headethan gets scared and as he runs away from there, that man calls ethan The man said = finally you have come ethan. ethan said=how do you know my name, that man shows his face ethan thinks this is the same man who come in his dream The man said = I am the one who has come to kill you, now I will kill you and then your father ethan fights him but then one The female priest saves ethan she says a mantra that man run away from house ethan fall down and unconscious if u like than subscribe for upcoming episode 3!

My husband loves me, and he loves Sadie. But mainly, he's tired. And so eventually Sadie got her rat. Honey lived happily in Sadie's room in his 3-tiered Rat Palace, and every day I would take time out from soothing the infant and wrestling with the 3-year-old to play with the rat, something the pet store warned I had to do if I wanted to socialize him. 

It's somewhat bound to happen and this is my humble suggestion:

1. Add 9 and 11 points for televote only. Currently there's 58 points for both jury and televote, added 20 points for televote would mean televote has around 34% more points. Juries tend to focus on select 2-4 songs and televote has no chance of organising so well to achieve same focus.
2. 26 songs, only 10 can get -any- points. Seems bad IMO. Added another set of 1-5 points, i.e. each jury/televote gets 1 1 2 2 3 3 4 4 5 5 6 7 8 10 12. 15 countries out of 26 get some points. If combined with 1) 17 countries get some points and in that case the televote has 27% more points. For people saying that there are already insane scores, the damage was already done when we doubled points by adding jury/televote split.
3. Force juries to actually judge songs instead of ranking them 1-26. Create important criteria and give a score 1-10 for each song according to that criteria. For example let them be: a) Vocal performance (vocals and song quality) b) Visual performance (staging, outfits) c) Performance factor (how captivating was the performance). Summarize all scores across all members of jury and create a ranking for that countries jury.
4. Sequester the effing juries so they can't interact with each other. It's not gonna happen but it's insanely important to ensure any semblance of fairness.
5. Return juries to semifinals. Since there were no juries in semis, less jury friendly songs were in final, making them vote for the same 4-5 songs.

6*) Something I'd like to see but I understand it's silly... score betting for jury points. Let's say vocal performance counts for 33% of jury score, visual performance counts for another 33% and performance factor counts for last 33%. Let artists pick and choose which is the most important for them and get adjusted score, i.e. Windows95man cares about visuals and performance so they choose 40% performance, 40% visuals, 20% vocals. Juries do not know how the artists decided to spread out their score bets and none of the percentages can go under 20%.

So I live in Ireland and my wife and I made friends with a girl from New York through work.
She stayed with us for a few days when stopping off in Ireland on 2 occasions and we got on like a house on fire. We talked about wanting to go to New York some day and she was adamant about getting us over to stay with her and her BF and she would show us the best of new york.
My Wife and I saw this as a motivator get the ball rolling and finally visit new york for 7 days. Nearly 2 years later, we flew over the new york and our friend picked us up from the airport to go to her apartment in Brooklyn. We were so excited.
We finally met the boyfriend who was a bit aloof and smoked alot of weed. On the first day, she said she was tired so we thought that's fine as we just flew 7 hours too.
The bed we stayed on was actually a pull out couch that was so uncomfortable that we slept on the mattress on the floor.
On the next morning, I got up and asked for some toast and she said there was no bread, so I had to find something down in the corner store that looked somwhat nice for my wife and I.
The friend knew how much we wanted to see new york (all the tourist sights too) but only decided to get moving into the city in the evening around 5pm on day 2 for a show downtown that I had booked and paid for the week before.
Once the show was over ($260 in total including food and tip) the friend couple looked to go back home but I suggested a stroll toward midtown. They agreed if we stopped for drinks on the way. The whole thing felt a bit off but we tried to make conversation and was excited by the city around us.
On day 3 my wife and I decided to take the same route to the city as our friend's were not making an effort to get ready, even though she was talking about the different places we could see together across the week to come the nights before.
I suggested a last minute hotel in the city in private to my wife to be closer but she thought that was a bit disrespectful to our New York friends.
When our friend was with us in Ireland she was cooked a breakfast everyday, food deliveries were made every evening and her clothes were washed, all at our expense.
When we were in the apartment in Brooklyn she would come in with snacks and not offer us anything and we were using the same towel in the shower since we arrived (3 days) also. The vibes were strange.
My wife had enough of sleeping on the floor among the several cats and agreed we should move into the city. We packed up on morning of the 4th day and broke the news to them.
For the rest of that day after we left and checked into the hotel ($700 lighter) my anger towards them had ramped up and I was stewing with resentment but the problem was that we had paid plans with them the following evening (the only plans they kept)
As soon as I saw them the following evening my blood was boiling and I didn't speak to them for the whole evening, not one word.
My Wife was making conversation as she noticed my silence and was giving me secret looks.
I felt bad but I literally couldn't think of a single thing to say and felt I owed them nothing at the same time to make things more comfortable.
I felt like a child but I really couldn't snap out of it. They suggested a late cabaret show, I bowed out to stay back at the hotel and my wife went for a few hours and got a cab back to the hotel.
The rest of our time was amazing but the holiday was tainted as we had to cram everything in that we originally wanted to do. We were meant to see them on the last day but were so tired from catching up that we cancelled and never saw them again. The friend was meant to bring us to JFK bit was mot bringing it up in the messages to my wife so I figured out the route by train.
I kinda wish I had faked the effort but at the same time wanted them to feel awkward as they seemed so oblivious overall.
Sorry for the long post but going to New York was always a dream of ours and feel a little cheated out of what should have been a completely positive experience in an amazing city and it cost around 5k in total too.
I would love to hear some thoughts if you made it this far. Thanks for your time.

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

I discovered this subreddit, and I did propose the same question in another trying to get some advice on the matter.
I had some suicidal thoughts throughout my life. Sometimes they get dark, but have never done anything about it. In the past 2 years Im actually getting better in some aspects of my life, because of therapy, unfortunately I had to stop it due to some financial problems. Still, it seems this feeling of wanting to end it all It never stopped. Even though im doing better mentally (not totally but better for sure) I just feel tired of living in general.
I can't be productive. Sometimes I can't even do the bare minimum, specially in stressful seasons. I always try the best I know, but I just feel tired, and see everyone doing much better, even in similar situations as I am. They have so much more resilience and capability to surpass their different challenges as I don't feel I have that capability as sharp. And because of that Im throughout the year in a state of doom, while they can be productive and enjoy the rest they can get, as they can conciliate rest, friends, work, even if they have a difficulty, they always manage to do some balance. I feel like I never achieve that balance. Between managing relationships, work, exercise, rest, etc. And Im always insisting and trying but always fail in some way. I try, some minor stressing thing happens, I stop, I fail. Its a cycle.
Im in my middle 20s and never had a job, I have been in university for 6 years and still in the 3rd year of my bachelors. I tried to have a job but Its hard to conciliate with my university for me. And thats the main reason of writing my last paragraph.
I am losing joy over many things in life. I cant enjoy the same way certain hobbies I loved because I feel they are to tiring to do at this point. I even would like to get in other hobbies that make me enjoy life more, if it makes sense, or to enrich my life or learn. But I don't feel the passion to learn or the desire. I don't know if it makes sense but thats how I feel and also I feel lazy to admit this.
All of this culminated in me thinking that if I can't find joy in life and Im to tired to live or that Im to lazy or incapable to be a proper adult, productive, and if I can't take advantage of the opportunities I have that I should just end it before my laziness and uselessness makes me so unsuccessful in life and leads me into paths that wild burden or sadden the people I love the most.
So, until I can go back to having a more personal approach to this matter I would like to ask if anyone as felt like this, and from your personal perspective how do you deal with it. Thanks for reading.

Hello!!
So, a few months ago I started having issues of falling asleep while doing things. Like, one incident I was trying to cook and cutting with a knife. I get in these episodes where I just keep nodding off, and sure enough one second I'm mid cut and the next I'm jerking back awake with the knife handle slipping from my grasp.
Another episode I actually hit the ground. I was trying to organize my pills for the next day. I was standing up with my pill bag on my bed. I was determined to finish as it's hard to move in the morning (I'll explain in a second). I kept begging myself to stay awake and finish, but I kept having to redo my pills because I kept messing up. For the most part I startle awake right as I begin to fall. Other times I'd startle awake as I hit the bed, one time I slammed headfirst into my pill bag. And then it happened. After months of always startling awake I finally slammed into the ground. The good news is, though it hurt, I fell on my butt. The bad news is I have a spinal cord stimulator and was terrified I messed it up as it's in my right butt cheek (it was supppose to go in my back but thebsurgeon said I had more meat down there 😅🤣). The scary news is one more inch back and I would have slammed into my shelves, which would have very likely knocked my max melter over and poured hot wax on myself.
Lastly, when I startle awake it always hurts. Like, it could be spasms, but I have condition where my hands shock me (espically when I'm tired and it feels like one of those joke shocking pins) and my sleep shocks feel very siniliar but full body. I'm honestly not sure and I wonder if anyone can clear that up a bit.
Oh, and I also shake my head a lot involuntary, or I feel it is. My vision will start to blur and then blacks and I'm shaking my head rapidly side to side. Or I'll start to feel the sleepy sensation beginning to come over me, and then I'm shaking my head.
So a few things to note about me:

1. I suffer from Severe Fibromyalgia . I say severe as that it's what one of my pain doctors said when after two years we got to their last treatment option. Four years of constantly seeing health professionals, and it just feels like I've only gotten worse. Fibromyalgia for those who don't know is a neurological condition where your brain is no longer interrupting certian signals right anymore. It's locked in fight flight mode and thinks the body is hurt. Fibromyalgia also affects the way a person sleeps, as we don't get as much deep sleep. I think the average person gets like two hours. We get five minutes... on a good day 😑. Deep sleep is where the brain heals.
   
2. I do have untreated anxiety and have been diagnosed. We started treating it in hope it would help the Fibromyalgia as anxiety fuels fibro, but we tried a different type of med right after our first attempt had failed and I had a bad reaction so we're now trying to fix that
   
3. I also do have diagnosed insomnia. We went to some sleep professionals about my falling asleep standing thing and they just told me I have insomnia and that they only treat sleep apnea.
   
4. I've had a bad sleep schedule going on for like 17 years now. I explained it to my eye doctor as we were discussing my migraine issues and he brought up the studies about how if one person was not allowed food and the other person sleep the sleep person would die first. And how lack of sleep was a type of torture, and I am infact torturing myself 😅
   

So, yea. That's pretty much the main gist of it. If anybody could help, or give any sort of anything I'd appreciate it. Like, what could be going on, or something to do. Anything, because this scares me more than any of my other health issues (and I didn't even mention them all 😅🥲), and I just want some sort of help, or just someone who gets it (i actually perfer you not get it, cuz this sucks, but it's also nice to not be alone.
P.s. I am actively trying to fix my sleep schedule. My eye doctor said to think of it like an addiction. I've been this way for years, so it will take time to fix it. Also, to be easy on my self. Mistakes will happen. There's always another night.
Thank you!!

Context:
I'm 20M. And my sister is in her late teens. This all happened just under a month ago, in late April. My great grandfather had passed away the week before, so myself, my mum and my stepdad. All travelled to visit my mum's side of the family and attend his funeral. (I wasn't close to him, I was going to support my mum.)
My sister decided she wouldn't be able to handle the emotional time at the funeral, so we had made plans for her to stay one night at a friend's, and another at our dad's. A quick note about myself and my sister: We both struggled with mental health issues, and while I'm mostly over mine, my sister has been struggling alot more heavily. And in the worst possible way, if you catch my drift. (She often goes looking for objects that can hurt her, and she doesn't like that she does it.)
Anyway, because of some complications, my sister ended having to stay with our dad both nights. And keep in mind, this was just hours after me, my mum, stepdad, nan and grandad had arrived back at my Nan and Grandad's. After we had just buried my mum's grandad.
We got a call from my sister, saying that she had gone to her friend's anyway. And that was fine. The problem was when we were told that my dad's girlfriend was refusing to bring my sister's medication to her (My dad had gotten a migraine, and he couldn't do it himself, he had it for 3 days, after the fact, including his birthday.) Which resulted in my mum trying to console my sister over the phone for an hour. While also trying to message my dad about it. (I was in the room, so I could hear what was going on)
And my sister told us that my dad's GF had said, and I quote: "If you and your mum are so concerned about your medication, she can come back home and get it herself." Which basically sent my sister into a worried panic. My sister's, friend's mum. Had to pick up the medication. (We were a 4 hours drive away, and it was almost 9pm by the time this all went down.)
The actual event: The Friday after we had gotten back from my Nan's house. I had woken up to find that she had sent me a message, and I had not been involved up until this point. It was strictly between my sister, my mum, dad, and my dad's gf.
The following is a transcript I have saved from the WhatsApp messages she sent me (I have screenshots of the proper messages if need be.):
Dads GF: Your dad has spent most of the last three days in bed completely out of it, including his birthday. Sister hasn't said 'happy birthday'. Neither of you have asked how he is or dropped/sent a card as a minimum. You are 20 in a few weeks. It's disgusting.
Me: You want to talk disgusting. Try not bringing medicine to a mentally disabled kid who needs them, and yes, I know dad was under with a migraine and still is. I have them myself so i get it, but that is no damn excuse for the way you've been acting. and I sent dad a message. We even have presents and cards for him, and were going to drop them round if we couldn't go see him. I've done nothing but try to be nice to you, so why tf are you insulting me.
Dad's GF: I'm not even going to go down the route of your sisters behaviour! I will have nothing to do with her or social services. At 20 you couldn't collect them and take them to her? She chose to call social on her dad who slept next to her all night to keep her safe. She's capable of coming to get her medication. Don't contact me.
Me: Wtf, you contacted me first!
I had done this exchange with my mum and stepdad in the room, and they both oversaw the conversation and what I was saying. I've been feeling quite stressed about it still and am just wondering if I overstepped. Or if I was being fair.
AITAH?
Edit: My sister has always had problems going over to my dad's. She doesn't feel like it's a home to her, and this isn't the first time that my dad's GF has been confrontational with my sister. And as much as my dad really wants my sister to be comfortable there, they've been having alot of troubles.