hi all, as the title says, my bfs birthday is coming up. he has jorts but they are snug and he prefers them to fit him loosely. i saw on facebook marketplace a pair of thrifted size 36 dickies jorts. i want to get them for him but i don’t really understand male sizing. the seller says that they fit more like a 34.
for reference my bf is 6 foot 2 inches and about 160 pounds (187 cm and 72.5 kilos). i don’t wanna ask him for his pants size because i don’t want to give away the gift idea. i don’t want to get them for him if they won’t fit. he also usually buys pants a little big and wears a belt.
so if anyone has any insight on dickies sizing and how these would fit him please let me know! sorry if this is the wrong sub for this.

In the beginning of May, it was my boyfriend’s birthday. At first, he said he didn’t want me to do anything because I also ruined his birthday last year (that was not my fault as he got upset over losing his AirPods that day but I do remember him liking my gifts). I was confused with his statement and said that we can do whatever he wanted. After some begging, he agreed that I can plan something. I decided that we can try to go to a hibachi restaurant again since we were supposed to go to on his birthday last year and never got the chance. He agreed with the plan and even told me what gift he wanted me to get. I ordered his gift and made a reservation for the hibachi restaurant. My boyfriend told me the only requirement was that the hibachi restaurant wasn’t too far from where he lived and I picked the closest place. I even send him the location a month before his birthday. He didn’t say anything about the place so I stuck with it.
On the day of his birthday, he had a hard time getting to the hibachi place since he had to take two trains and walk (we live in NYC). Overall, it was supposed to take him about 25 minutes from where he lived to get to the hibachi place but trains got delayed and he ended up being 10 minutes late to the reservation. I didn’t mind that he was late since the restaurant was pretty empty and the workers said it was no problem. However, my boyfriend got upset with me and said I ruined his birthday because I didn’t pick a good location. He didn’t like that I picked a place that required him to take two trains instead of one and claimed I didn’t put enough effort into his birthday. So, he didn’t want to stay at the hibachi restaurant and we just ordered sushi and went home. We had a huge fight about it where I tried to explain I picked this place since it was the closest to him but he would claim that I just didn’t care and wanted to ruin his birthday. I asked him how can I make it up to him and he said it is too late and I can’t do anything.
I apologized to him about the situation and desperately want to fix it. What can I do to make it up to him? I was thinking of reserving another hibachi restaurant but this time where he has to take one train instead but I am not sure. In general, I have a hard time getting him gifts.

(I’m pretty pissed rn so i’m just blabbering and not sure if it will make sense). I (20f) met my friend group that consists of 5. I’ll be giving fake names, Danny, Ivan, Ivory and Daisy. I met them in my second semester of university. This particular “friend” Daisy specifically in the friend group stood out the most since she was the first one I became friends with and got along right away. We started hanging out more with the rest of the group 3rd semester (2nd year fall semester). At that time I was dating my boyfriend (still am) who is abroad right now, so I haven’t seen him for a while. They were aware about him and at that time I was already dealing with a sh*tty roommate, so I was hanging out their dorm constantly. But once 3rd semester came around then we started spending Fridays and Saturdays at Daisy’s dorm. Keep in mind my dorm was a 25 min walk and near a forest and I would get home usually around 12am. Those days we chose to hang out we got high together and it became our norm. Somewhere in late September and Early October I started having really serious issues with my boyfriend and he honestly wasn’t treating me well at that time and I told my friends, because he brought up the plan of marriage and I was hesitant when the group asked me if I really wanted to marry him. Late October I was telling Daisy about it and she told me its best to break things off with him and how she did the same with her ex boyfriend because he was bad for her, and I’m pretty sure she says she misses him (but yeah I kinda forgot). I really didn’t want to breakup with him but I knew I needed to cut him off, so I got home at midnight and called him and broke up with him and instantly regret it. I was already dealing with so much other shit and I almost una****d my self after. But plans didn’t work so I kept my mouth shut. (I’ll get to the point I promise.) Late December I got news that a contract i signed over a year ago with a friend whose father owned a business offered me a job meaning I was going to move to another country. ( I ended up changing the contact for a later year) I would be super close to my boyfriend and I was pretty hesitant since so much had changed and I called my boyfriend who was my ex at that time and told him everything and we talked for a while. Long story short we missed each other a lot and we acknowledged that we both did terrible stuff but in the end if we worked it out together then our relationship could work. We set boundaries and rules for us to follow and we are currently together and I’m really happy right now. I didn’t tell my friends about me getting back with him because I knew they would be upset which I understand. I told Ivory first in late March and I asked for her to be understanding that he changed and she was upset but told me that she’ll always support me and be there for me which I needed to hear. Daisy didn’t find out until 2 weeks before my birthday and Daisy was super pissed at me and ever since she was cold and rude, ending all the convos with the gc that replied to me with periods. Since January I’ve noticed that Daisy would be pretty rude and only think about herself mainly and not the rest of us. There would be some days where I would ask if we can hang out at my place instead and I would always hear the same thing how my place was too far and that it’ll be late when they leave which did annoy me a lot since that was exactly how I went home. I walked back home a lot at midnight, ALONE and high. The 2 times they had came over they all left as a group since Daisy, Ivan and Danny lived in the same building and they would drop off Ivory on the way, while I was the only one who lived the furthest. When we would hang out at Daisy’s place she would ask what we wanted to watch we give ideas and would usually 85% of the time say no to our suggestions and pick the movies she wanted to watch instead. None of us have cars so we rented zipcars and I noticed a while after that when it was only convenient for her and when she was the one who needed groceries then she would text us like the day before or the day and sometimes an hour or so before of whenever she needed to run errands and when we weren’t able too then she would get mad. But when it came to us asking if we can go then she didn’t want too or was low on money which that one i understand. She would get pissed or annoyed a lot at Ivory for being herself sometimes, which honestly imo it pissed me off so much for the way how Daisy was with her. I slowly started distancing myself from the group for a while since I had my own shit going on and I was getting overwhelmed with it. My breaking point was when 2 weeks before my birthday Daisy found out about my boyfriend and went radio silent with me and was ignoring me in the gc and I remember her reposting posts on insta that were targeting me. I sound selfish but I was really looking forward to my birthday, but a week before my birthday I got a call that my mom was in the hospital and I was 12 hours away from her and I was an emotional wreck because I was just hearing she was dying. I didn’t tell my friends about it. I was FaceTiming my boyfriend and crying to him because I felt so alone and needed someone, but I figured celebrating with my friends would kind of help distract me. Since a lot of uni students were doing “peacefully protests”, my campus was shut down and there were many cops on campus and we werent allowed back on campus or else we would get arrested or idk. But the day before my birthday Ivory texted me saying (copied and pasted) “Daisy and Netty would have to walk across campus for it and I asked if there was a way to cancel it still and Dulce said yeah and I was like I don’t want yall to get arrested and then Dulce is being weird and was like “then we’ll cancel it problem solved” and long story short the car has been cancelled”. The plan was that we were going to rent a zipcar and get jack in the box and dutch and then head over to Daisy’s dorm (which i didn’t want and asked if we can maybe do it at my place) and just hang out. But I really didn’t feel like walking 30 minutes back to my dorm (since I couldn’t walk through campus and had to go around). But I’m not sure it just got confusing and in the end everything was canceled and being sad was an understatement. I was really sad about it because it would be my first birthday party with a group of friends who I thought were my actual friends. The day of my birthday and got myself a tiny cake and celebrated by myself in my dorm. Ever since my “amazing” birthday I was just depressed and figured it was time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life. ( I had other problems with my life besides them.) Right before school ended i texted the gc that I was leaving and never coming back and I miss Ivory because she was a really good friend and I miss her a lot.. can’t say much about Daisy because today I posted an instagram story note saying “(uni name) is is greedy and mean just like em. glad im gone” i got sent a letter saying how the school was asking me to pay the remaining medical bill which was like 144$ and idk it just reminded me of the many rude people i came across on my campus. I wasn’t directing it at her until she posted her own insta note and it said “ that’s so crazy, not my fault your delusional” which i know was directed at me. I want to text her and call her out for her the stuff she had done and tell her to grow up. But I’m not sure if I should just block her and move on. I kind of need closure and advice on how to handle the situation.

For some backstory, I(25f) haven't always had the closest bond with my step-dad growing up. I always felt intimidated by him because of the fact that I found him rude and neglectful of my siblings and I. He preferred his biological children more. He never really made an effort to bond with me, causing a strain in our relationship and me feeling heavily negative about him. He has done many things from: saying "i would date someone like you if i was in highschool" and being creepy one time and dangerously close in my face while he was drunk. This caused my mother and I to get into a fight, and then them ignoring me for three days including my birthday (which has left me a lot of trauma since then). Let's just say, I do not feel kind things towards him, but still remain respectful towards him for the sake of my mom and because I live in his house for the next 1 1/2 months until I can move out.
My boyfriend is in a tough spot right now financially, so he is also staying with his parents. However, it is a very cramped space they live in since its his parents, brother, and sister. The worst part of it all is how horribly hoarded it is to the point where it's hard to navigate the apartment. It's so bad to the point where there is expired food still in the fridge, mold in various areas such as the shower and such, and is extremely dirty to the point where giant roaches are found. He is working 2 jobs back-to-back to try to help pay off his debt, but the conditions he is in is unsafe and mentally draining.
This has also put a strain on our relationship as we struggle with money and are trying to fix our credit. The distance from each other is super far and our jobs are opposite schedules with different days off. Mentally, I have felt extremely down as well. It's so bad to the point where my bf broke down crying because of his horrible living situation and that his parents and brother pestering him for money for rent despite the conditions they live in.
I know my situation isn't as horrible as his, but I feel extremely uncomfortable living under the same roof as him and found it super odd that he has been so strict with me ever since I moved back in. I have always followed the rules to the 'A' and never argued back with him because I did not want to disrespect him. One of his rules specifically was not having my boyfriend stay the night, which I understand completely.
I felt desperate, because I love my bf so much and care about him and there's nothing in the world that i wouldn't do for him. I texted my father first, given it wouldn't hurt to ask if my bf could move in with us temporarily for the next 1 1/2 months until we both move out. However, my father declined without even asking me about why my boyfriend needs another place to move into temporarily. Straight up declined, which has left me confused and hurt because I have done nothing but respect my step-dad despite the fact that he's a creep. I felt hurt, asking him why that was his choice, but then backtracked saying that I was no longer interested in hearing his excuse and would sort out living in a motel with my bf in july for the time being. I have felt like I have shown him respect always and have never received any in return. Most of my life I felt he has always treated me unfairly because im not his blood. This was a favor I feel like I am not asking much of given the short amount of time it would be. What do you guys think? Am I wrong?
TLDR; my step-father has said no to my boyfriend (who lives in a horrible hoarding situation that is mentally affecting him) moving in with us for the next 1 1/2 months until we move out because he is a creepy a-hole who has always been controlling and not respectful towards me

A new woman transferred to my office about 4 months ago and since we’ve been developing a good friendship, but I have developed a little crush. We related being the only 2 in our office from the same generation and being born during the same week. We were both off last week for our birthdays so I texted her looking to hangout. We decided to meet up for lunch and have a few drinks. We spent about 3 hours drinking, eating, laughing at each other, told stories about past experiences including work. As we’re drinking she casually mentions that she broke up with her boyfriend 2 months ago. In the moment I’m thinking why is she telling you this but don’t read too much into it. We joked about keeping our enjoyment over to another bar but she had to work the next day. I did tease her that she to finish her drink before we left and she gives me a flirty look asking if this is fraternization. I said I was just teasing and she asked was fraternization meant, I did look up the definition and read it to her and asked if that what we were doing and she just smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwra6064
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My twin sister (18F) and I (18F) took a genetic test, and we did not share any DNA. What should my next step be, when no one in the family is telling me why?
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Original Post: May 13, 2024
My twin and I are fraternal twins. Recently, we took a genetic test for fun, because we wanted to see what we shared and the differences between us. Since we still share genes, fraternal twins are like siblings genetically. My grandparents had suggested the tests and got them for us, so our parents didn’t know about it. But our results made no sense. My twin’s was coming up almost completely as Eastern European and Western European. Which makes sense, as most of my family are Croatian, German, or Austrian. So all of that would be accurate.
But mine wasn’t anything like that. It was almost completely Scandinavian, with some Russian and a couple of other places. Neither of which were on my twin’s result, she had a very small percentage of Scandinavian but that was it. And we had no matched DNA. Which clearly seemed impossible.
We were literally twins, we have to share DNA. My twin said they must have mixed my sample up with someone else. We ended up contacting the company, and my twin and I took a test again. It was the same result. Both my twin and I were really confused. We told our grandparents, and they just said that was interesting, and said nothing else.
My twin said we should tell our parents, and see if they had ever done a genetic test, or if any of our siblings had, and then we could see if somehow ours were still right. I mean, it kind of made sense I'd have Scandinavian, because I'm much taller than my mother, and quite a bit taller than my twin and I'm way better at football and handball than she is.
And I'm very blonde compared to the rest of my family, but I had thought it was the German. When we told our mother, they reacted almost the same way as my grandparents, but she seemed annoyed. And said that they're inaccurate anyway, and our grandparents shouldn't have told us to take one. And when we asked our father, he basically said nothing.
I'm confused. I know my twin thinks it's just a mistake, but I don't think so. We have to share DNA, about 50%. That's how twins and siblings work. Even though we're fraternal, we should still share quite a bit of DNA. But other explanations don't make sense.
My mother can't have cheated on my father, because my twin and I would still share DNA. Just less, because we would have different fathers. The results mean we can't share a parent, or even be related. But I don't see why my parents would adopt me if I'm not their child, when I don't think they've ever been to Scandinavia and why they'd adopt a baby that's almost exactly the same age as their baby. I'm panicking.
The person I'm closest with in the whole world, who I thought I even shared the womb with, might not even be related to me. My birthday might not even be real. None of this makes any sense, and no one is telling me the truth. I'm also scared my twin might tell her boyfriend about it, and then people might end up knowing that I'm some kind of fraud and my family isn't my family at all.
Edit: I called the clinic where my mother gave birth to all of my siblings. The day of my birthday, my mother is in the records but only for one birth. Not two, not twins. I don't know if it's an error, or my mother didn't give birth to me.
Relevant Comments
OOP on asking her extended family members for answers and ask her parents and grandparents

OOP: I don't think they want to tell me anything, they're all acting weirdly now, and I heard my mother yelling at people on the phone. I don't know what's going on, but there's no way they want to tell me what's going on.
I looked when my twin wasn't there, but I had no close ones, only very distant ones. Only people who are my eighth cousins and that sort of thing. So not very helpful.
She sounded a bit too polite for that sometimes. And sometimes at odd times of day, so I'm not sure it was always my grandparents. Probably my father too.

OOP on her mother’s records at the clinic and see if it was possible she was swapped at birth

OOP: Sadly, my mother has given birth every time in a private clinic that is very small, she prefers it. She thinks hospitals are disgusting and she prefers knowing the doctors. So while that is possible, and I'll look into getting parental DNA done, it would be very concerning if that had happened because at most, maybe three or four other woman would have given birth at a similar time as her. But possible, definitely.

OOP on getting her birth certificate from her parents, which might reveal more details on her background

OOP: I didn't think about my birth certificate. I'll ask them, but if they don't give it to me, then I'm sure it shouldn't be too difficult to find.

OOP on if her grandparents knew anything about her situation

OOP: Kind of, I did ask them why they suggested it, and my grandmother said that it doesn't matter. I said clearly it does if the results are right, but she just said she's doesn't know anything and to tell my mother that.
I don't know why they'd deliberately upset my parents with this, but I'm only assuming that they wanted me to know. But I don't know why, I think my grandmother thinks I should figure it out myself now I know, but I literally have no clue when no one will tell me anything at all.

 
Update: May 22, 2024
So, I'm adopted. Which was probably quite obvious as soon as I got the results, but I guess I was in denial.
My parents told me a couple of days ago, not much, but a bit. I know now that my mother was Danish, and my father's old girlfriend from when he was really young, which is seriously weird. I asked them a lot of questions, but I didn't get answers to all of them. I don't know who my father is, how my parents were able to adopt me and why, if she's even alive, nothing.
But thankfully I am actually legally adopted by them, which is a relief, since I was worried I might not be. And my birthday is actually my birthday, so they haven't been committing any weird fraud.
It's very weird. My sister has been acting weirdly, and my family as well. But in some ways, it's a relief. My parents still feel like my parents, and my siblings like my siblings. I know that technically they're not, but I don't feel too upset about it.
I'm just upset they lied, and also won't tell me everything. I don't know if they genuinely don't know, or don't want to talk about it, but at least I have an idea about everything now. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about it, but I'm glad I know about things now. Plus now I have a country that's actually good at football to support, which is nice.
Maybe some day I'll find out everything, maybe not. I could probably look her up, and find her if I wanted to, but I'm not sure if I do, if she's still alive. Although everything is different, it doesn't feel so bad, but it does at the same time. It's very weird.
But I have a family that loves me, so it could be much worse. I feel sad about my twin, since we're not actually related which feels really different and she's acting different as well, but I still love her a lot, and my parents as well. I think it will take some time to know how I really feel. In some ways I want to be mad at everyone and do stupid things, but that's only sometimes, and overall I feel okay so that's good. And eventually I think I'll be content with how everything is.
Relevant Comments
OOP on looking into her background to find her biological relatives especially birth parents

OOP: I didn't think of that. Maybe at some point I will, but right now I'm happy with my family and how things are and I don't really want to go through all of that right now.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Crying my eyes out in bed. Been with great boyfriend for over a year and today i wanted to make his birthday as special as ever. I made reservations at a fancy restaurant, got him very specific gifts he expressed how much he wanted, and got all dolled up in a brand new dress to pick him up for dinner with the best champagne and all. We had a lovely dinner when suddenly at the end he tells me he hated that I ordered bread when I know he’s trying to lose weight. My bf isn’t overweight by any stretch of the imagination and he drinks like a fish. He first said no to bread but I very casually asked if he wanted a starch with our meals and he’s like well if we get one i prefer bread over potato. Fine. We order it. He eats it all up (including pasta and booze he himself ordered). Check comes (of course i paid my treat- $300 no less) and suddenly he’s angry that I ordered bread and angry that I forced him to celebrate his birthday. He never said no to any of the plans I made? They even brought out a dessert i planned and he was annoyed. I cry probably once every two years but my God did I break down. I am a very expressively loving person and do my best to show love to anyone I care for. This absolutely destroyed me. It gutted me like no other that my sweet loving partner suddenly seemed to detest me for a carbohydrate miscommunication. What is going on? Just hours ago I was the greatest person he’s ever known. Now I’m an overly emotional mess who is responsible for making him fat. Totally gutted and not gonna lie, feeling a lot of emotional abuse from my past surfacing up. I been here before but not with him. This feels new. I’m terrified he’s like the others - was this just a moment? Are we doomed? What happened? I feel like I hate myself right now but know inside I did my very best and would never knowingly hurt someone. I feel a bit horrid. What did I miss?

My boyfriend and I pay (we have a joint bank account) the mother of his children a set amount a month. We have no custody agreement with her, nor any set child support, we just pay her.
She is technically the “custodial” parent, because she doesn’t let us see them a lot. The verbal agreement was every weekend (we’d do more if he wasn’t on evening shifts & she wasn’t stingy about it or weird about them staying with me only) I’ve never given her a reason to feel like this. I work full time, I am recently 29, I work for the department of defense, I was in the army for 8 years until I got out, no legal trouble. She lets me watch them alone when it conveniences her and she has something to do. Like there’s no reason for her to be like she is. She also lets them go over and spend the night at her new husband’s brother’s house alone. So, yeah, there’s a double standard there.
Well, recently, we found out she’s been getting welfare and food stamps. She has a new husband, pregnant, and a total bum if I’m being honest. We give her more than enough every month and then some. But she’s ALWAYS asking for more money. Her car’s broken, she needs car insurance money, her rent is late, kid’s gymnastics needs paid (even tho we already sent her money this month to pay it) pay for the kid’s entire birthday party, all of their Christmas and birthday gifts because “she just doesn’t have the money” ALL. OF. IT. She also lets her new husband eat all of the good food like Chick-fil-A when they order it and then tell her kids to go get canned food out of the pantry. Won’t buy them new shoes. Took them school shopping at “Larry’s garage” and that’s her husbands brother. The boy showed up in pants he was literally walking on.
Ok, we let it slide. We haven’t been giving her more money for the past 9 months or so, instead buying whatever she says she “needs” for the “kids” which is a BS excuse most of the time and she acts pissy about it when we actually buy what she says she needs. Recently, something happened that just didn’t sit right with us. She told his entire family (they were together for 9 years, 2 kids together) that we don’t pay her anything & that she’s struggling financially. She has no college education, no plans to do better for herself in order to get a better job, she works as a substitute lunch lady and her new husband doesn’t even have a car. Said that we leave it all on her. That WE never ask for the kids or want to see them because we are “living it up” which we are not. At all. We’re still in our one br apartment trying to find another place we can afford (even tho we make well over 100k a year together) and she’s in a 4 br house she can’t even afford with a pool in the back yard & a dead beat husband.
My question here is, even though we’re not officially paying her through a court mandated process, on our own free will, can she be penalized for not reporting that for not reporting it to the WIC/DHR office? Was she supposed to claim that on taxes? We have a custody hearing on June 3rd for all of this, but honestly I’m sick of her & her lies, vindictive nature. I know she didn’t claim any of it on taxes, but I AM going to turn her into the welfare office if I have the grounds to. We feel like the kids would be better off with us anyways. She cannot financially support them, which is a major factor in raising a child.
We are located in PA, a commonwealth state. If anyone has any info please let me know. Thanks in advance.

When I was about to turn 3 years old my father committed suicide two days before his birthday. This took a huge toll on me when I found out how he had died (my mother waited til I was old enough to tell me). Having is birthday and the day of his death in the same week is an emotional roller coaster.
Recently the day of his death came around. My mother seemed fine all day and even invited her boyfriend and his kids around to hang out and watch movies. I still live with my mom and little sister due to the fact that I’m currently in college and can’t afford living.
That night my mother made no attempts to comfort me besides the occasional side-hugs when I asked for one. After dinner I went out onto my houses porch and watched a show on my phone when I got a text from my friend. I had also recently been Sexually assaulted by my ex. And my friend texted me to let me know they wanted to talk to me.
That didn’t end well and I went into my room and had a panic attack. I tried to go to sleep but I couldn’t stop crying over everything that had happened. While I’m crying I hear my little sister, my mom, her boyfriend and his kids all laughing and having a good time a couple feet away from me. Which only made it worse.
I thought about going out into the living room and asking my mom to comfort me and help me through this. But I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone in the house. So I sent my mom a text begging her to come to my room and comfort me while I tried to deal with everything.
For those of you wondering “why would you send a text” my mom is always on her phone. She always has it on her and is never on DND.
10 minutes go by and my whole body is shaking from how bad I’ve been sobbing. 20 minutes go by with no reply. So I called my grandma sobbing crying and asked her to pick me up.
I packed a bag and walked out into the living room to grab my shoes. I wiped my face and put my shoes on as my mom came out of the kitchen with the biggest grin on her face and a bowl of popcorn.
I quickly told her that grandma was picking me up and I was going to stay with her for the night. My mom saw my face and her smile faded slightly. She pulled me into a hug and I broke down crying and she held me for a second.
I let go and walked out onto the porch and sat on the steps when I heard my mom coming. She sat down next to me. She asked me why I didn’t just go out and talk to her about what I was feeling and I just snapped and told her that it was my dads death day and I told her multiple times I wasn’t okay and the one time I needed her she was with some other family, laughing and having a good time.
She waited with me for my grandma and I immediately got into my grandmas truck as she got out of it to talk to my mom. My mom told her I was being dramatic and that all I did to signal I needed help was texting her. (My mom is a licensed therapist)
My grandma took me to her house and let me sleep in her bed for the night as we watched Medea movies.
It’s been a few weeks sense then and my mom still hasn’t forgiven me for snapping at her. She refuses to be in the same room as me and is making me pay more for the rent I pay sense then.
So AITAH?

Yesterday was my birthday 21st, and this year, I wanted to celebrate it with friends. I don't have any family where I am, and I haven't celebrated it since I was 11. My fiance wanted to plan this year out for me, so I gave him full control.
2 days before one by one friends he invited months ahead called and said they didn't take off work, so they can't come. They offered to show the week after on his birthday but not mine. (I'm not upset at my boyfriend he really did try hard) Months ahead of my birthday, I kept asking my fiance, Should I give him a group of my friends numbers, so it's more than just our friend group. He didn't do that, so when I called other friends asking them if they wanna hang out, they understandably had thing they were doing. (I asked if they could hang out the day before, of or after)
The part I'm most upset about is my so-called best friend of 9 years. This marks the third year she's missed my birthday. This year, she had nothing planned for her own birthday and was bummed out. So I took her on a day out we went to the mall, I bought a bunch of presents we went out to eat. She asked me to get a matching outfit, and I did.
The day before my birthday, my Fiance had tickets to a rage room. He bought it months in advance for 4 people. I called my best friend and she said she would make it after work. I got 1 friend to come. An hour before we had to go, she texted that she couldn't make it because she was at a mall 40 minutes from me. Mind you, she got off at 5, and we were supposed to get her a 7. But she said she would call off the day of my birthday to spend time with me throughout the day and go to my birthday dinner.
The day of my birthday, she sent me a text saying happy birthday. I waited hours to see if she was gonna come and spend the day with me. She wasn't replying to 6. we asked her boyfriend (who is coincidentally my boyfriends best friend of 19 years) if she's coming, and he said not that he's aware of. I looked at her story, and she wasn't at work but a BBQ. She took off of work, I gave grace and waited for the time of my birthday dinner. She texts 1 hour before asking what I'm doing. I said, getting ready for my dinner, I asked if she was still coming.
She said, "I don't wanna be a third wheel, so no." At that point, I burst into tears. I sent an okay, and that was all. My love and I went out to eat by ourselves. But, I called a friend that I had never been out with before, and we all went to a bar and played darts and games at the last minute. I had a blast doing that. My birthday cake was delivered a day late so today me and my love sang happy birthday to me.
At this point, I'm just depressed/disappointed. I think this friendship is over. This was supposed to be a milestone birthday. Next year I might just travel to my family. But its the point that I try so hard for everyone else to feel special on their birthday, and not many seem to give the same energy back. I think a valuable lesson was taught. People will make time for who they want to make time for. I am thankful to everyone who showed up

We have been together for almost 8 months, and up until last week I thought he was 26, not 25.
I’ve even celebrated his birthday with him, he has claimed on multiple occasions that he was born in 98 but every place I’ve seen his age says 99.
I don’t really know what to do, this really makes no sense. I wouldn’t be so concerned if he wasn’t clearly uncomfortable with me asking him about it and reassured me that he was 26.
I just can’t help but wonder why someone would lie about one year, and what else he could be lying about.
Is there anywhere online where I could for sure confirm his dob? I have checked voter registration and the people search websites but I want to be 100% certain before I confront him again. Does anyone have any idea why someone would lie about just one year?
TL;DR: My boyfriend is 25, not 26. Why would someone lie about one year?

Some background. I started having sex with this friend like 2 years ago. We stopped after a year. Short time after that she stertes a relationship.
Important. This friend is a friend’s(not too close, but we were housemates at some point and we are in the same friend circle). I think is fair to mention that he was a horrible boyfriend and manipulated the hell out of that girl. Pretty sure he kinda groomed her(they were seen at a motel). He was his teacher when he was 23/24 and she was like 15. So, pretty gross if you ask me. I dont know, maybe this is me trying to not feel so guilty fucking her.
Anyway, she and I always had very good chemistry. But I honestly never thought Id fuck her. Couple of month after they split up. After he dropped a lot of crazy lies(it was a big gossip within the group😂😂). We got together(for something unrelated) and that same day we ramdomly found eachother in a party. That day nothing happened but we talked a lot and grinded my boner on her ass walking thru a crowd😂. We didnt talked about that until like 2 weeks after. And well, the fucking happened. Honestly, i’ve never had this king of chemistry with someone. Anyway, I was selfish, and emotionaly unavailable(for the bad reasons) jaja so we stopped after a year.
Couple of days ago we were at a birthday and she ended up sucking my dick. She wanted to fuck but.. we were drunk, was very late and, she is in a long distance relationship. I know that if I see her again we’re going to fuck the hell out of each other.
I am in the femce of fuck her one more time(she did said “i knew this was going to happen becouse we didnt had closure sex” so she definitely was thinking about doing it) but in the other part she is not that type o f girl and I dont want her to resent me in the future. But man, i do want to have those tits in my face while she ride me.

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My friend Jess (19F) threw a birthday party for her boyfriend Jake (20M) on Friday evening. She invited around 8 of us on a group chat after working out the date, saying:
“Alrighty! Let’s do 6:30 tonight. Be there or be square. Jake’s house, ordering pizza so plan accordingly (ie eat before if you can’t eat pizza/don’t want any). Text me if you questions. Thank you.”
We (all 19-20) turned up, Jess put out chips and water, everyone ate the snacks and we talked. Jess went to pick up the pizza she’d ordered. Everyone had a few slices. The rest of the evening was great, we played some games and had snacks.
The next day, Jess texted the group chat:
“Hey everyone! For food and drinks and such from last night, I spent around $60. Can everyone etransfer me $7?”
I was surprised, as I have never been to a birthday party where food was provided, and then charged for said provisions. Yesterday (Saturday) I texted the group chat:
“Hey, is it common practice at parties for the host to ask for money/compensation after? If the host wants to split the cost of the party, I think that should be discussed first.”
Jake said he was sure we’d discussed this at the party but I disagreed. Then he added:
“I would suggest checking beforehand in that case. Respectfully, and I am not trying to have tone, it seems unreasonable to me to assume free food without confirming it and then take issue later when your assumption doesn't hold.”
AITA for expecting free food?

My wonderful boyfriend’s birthday is coming up and I want to get him a Lego set. He’s ASD with some ADHD thrown in. I’m just plain old ADHD and want to get him something he’ll love, but can’t decide between two things. I don’t think either would be bad, but I need help deciding and any input is welcome!

1. https://www.lego.com/en-us/product/liebherr-crawler-crane-lr-13000-42146?ef_id=CjwKCAjwgdayBhBQEiwAXhMxti7fWJfKBEZWbdsmO2cl84IAzEGb9wHEz3Sj1Od1-Sg5MdSw06eyExoCmYEQAvD_BwE:G:s&s_kwcid=AL!790!3!674854183818!!!g!!!20573417031!154225782695&cmp=KAC-INI-GOOGUS-GO-US_GL-EN-RE-PS-BUY-EXPLORE-TECHNIC-SHOP-BP-MM-ALL-CIDNA00000-NOVELTIES-TECHNIC&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADESMXKGhpPFYkNg_n4leY3pL8nnB&gclid=CjwKCAjwgdayBhBQEiwAXhMxti7fWJfKBEZWbdsmO2cl84IAzEGb9wHEz3Sj1Od1-Sg5MdSw06eyExoCmYEQAvD_BwE He showed me this and some videos about what it does. It seems super cool, but he was worried about having enough space for it. Now I think it would be no problem to find a place for it to live (his place is bigger and emptier than mine) but I don’t want to cause him distress having to find a home for such a thing.
   
2. https://www.lego.com/en-us/product/nasa-artemis-space-launch-system-10341 This just came out and has some really cool features as well. We both love space, and every time there’s a launch from Pendleton, I call him so we can both run outside and look.
   

I honestly think he’ll love either, but decisions are hard for me. Does anyone have any input I can use going forward?

Hi I'm 17 I'm planning on moving out in FIVE DAYS I have already prepped and planned alot to escape my narcissistic family (both my father and his mother whom I live with) I've just grown tired of being the scapegoat and taking the brunt of the mental abuse and mental abuse snd trying to avoid being forced to go back to live with my father because of physical abuse and mental abuse. I've bought a new phone, been taking money off my payroll card and storing it in cash, had a friend buy a bus ticket for me, changed all my passwords and I'm planning to delete all previously used emails and my Apple ID as well so my messages and photos or anything pertaining to me are inaccessible. I'll be moving around quite a bit before I leave the current state I'm in for about a month or so to let the dust settle on the situation before I come back. While away I'll have access to two jobs that won't have to present any form of ID for because they're thru friends family members. I've already obtained my social security card and my birth certificate and any medical records I need. I think I've ironed out almost every bit of my plan, but I'd really love some advice on anything I seem to have left out and also dealing with the guilt about leaving behind my younger siblings. They have almost always treated my younger brothers decently and not in an abusive manner as they have with me. I think I remind them too much of my mother who they all hate and have consistently resented me for it. They don't like me as a person at least the surface level parts of me that I have shown them and nothing more. They're strict bible belt Christian extremists. I could wait until my 18th birthday instead of doing this runaway to move out pipeline but I simply can't take it anymore. They isolate me so much from anyone I know and have practically made me the teen mother of this family where I've been taking care of my brothers because they simply don't want to if I can do it. If I'm not around they take care of them just fine but if I am then the workload is on me. I'm only allowed to go to work and school (but not anymore as I graduate the day before I plan to leave) I'm not allowed to see any of my friends or go anywhere that's more than 30 minutes away, I'm not allowed to speak to my mother in private, I'm hardly allowed to see my boyfriend who they don't like because he's Hispanic (forgot to mention these people are racist af even though my own mother is Puerto Rican) I can't go to live with my mother because we haven't had a very stable relationship and she has a whole new baby to take care of with her new boyfriend and his 4 kids. I just want to get away from them so that I can finally work through my traumas and get back to being the version of myself that I've been forced to shut down just to survive, I can't go another few months being in constant fight or flight because it is destroying me.

I (f21) went out for my boyfriends (m22) birthday with his family, it was fun but we got seafood for dinner. On the way back home we sat in the backseat and he got tired so he laid on me, we had our little moment. Then all hell broke when he farted and refused to roll down the window. I asked him multiple times if he could but he refused. The fart was so nasty I could taste the king crab he ate and it was nasty. So since he refused to get up or roll the window down I picked a booger and put it on his lips for revenge. This woke him up and he moved away from me and faced the window. I believe it was a fair trade but he doesn’t…AITAH??

My boyfriend has a birthday coming up and I’m unfamiliar with the Boise cocktail scene. Please give me your recommendations!

My son is having his first birthday party soon. We are all excited and will have a great party planned at my parent’s house with both sides of my family and my boyfriend’s family all together to celebrate.
About a month or two ago, my boyfriend met with his birth mother for the first time. The last time he “saw” her he wasn’t even a year old and she lived in the same city as him for the longest time without ever meeting him.
I am empathetic and glad he’s getting to know her. But as the eldest sister of 8 other half-siblings who have gone through similar situations, I am aware that these things are best approached with boundaries.
I met her briefly and caught immediate red flags. She reminds me greatly of women my father likes to be with and that’s not a good thing. I never judge but I have learned lots of hard lessons from dealing with adults of this nature.
My boyfriend has only seen her in person, maybe three to four times since they’ve reunited. They text and she has made comments about almost getting into fights and things … as a grown woman.
After meeting her I made it clear to my boyfriend that I was not comfortable with my son and I treating her like she was close family. And I want to uninvite her to the birthday party.
I’m not saying my son will never know her, I just don’t think it’s time.

i (21f) have never experienced anything like this until recently. i’ve had anxiety for a long time, it getting worse over the years.
last week i had a very stressful week, including transferring to a different location for work due to staffing issues, my boyfriends birthday, and moving all week long.
my boyfriend and i had been talking, his mom interrupting us what started this entire mess. it wasn’t very offensive, she just cut me off and wanted to talk about the move. i could feel that familiar chest pressure but i ignored it. i went to dinner with my boyfriend and his family, the four of us deciding we wanted to order wine. i didn’t have my ID with me and tried to show the waiter a picture, the waiter immediately shoving me off and denying me.
of course that’s fine, but it sent me over the edge. for the next 5-10 minutes i don’t remember anything. it was like i blacked out, my memory of that time frame gone. i was conscious and awake according to my boyfriend, just quiet.
i’ve messaged my doctor but i am already on anxiety/depression meds. does anyone have any advice on how to prevent these black outs? it’s been bothering me that i genuinely cannot remember.