I do not give permission for this to be reposted. TL/DR: MIL tries telling my toddler what to do and say. Need compassionate script on how to tell MIL to cut it out.
This is a strained relationship with my MIL. I need many boundaries with her, and 99% of them are in regards to her strange behavior around my child. I feel telling a child what to say in order for an adult to have their own needs met is inappropriate and disingenuous at best. It’s worth noting this is a pattern of behavior and not one or two offhand comments. She tries to act very possessive of my husband (her son) as well as my daughter. Background: It reminds me of when my daughter was an infant, crying because she wanted me and this MIL refused to give her back. My crying baby. Even remarking that we “have to share.” Completely ignoring the needs of my newborn. Just very self-serving behavior. And of course when my husband confronted her with how inappropriate that was she got so ridiculously defensive. Really showed herself. So now we are on eggshells and realize too direct an approach is no good. My partner wants to try to communicate boundaries before enforcing them, give them a chance (and another, and another.)
So I was wondering, how would you deal with a scenario when the grandparent says to your 2 year old "tell your mom and dad you want to come see me more often."
Or another is “give the bear a kiss.” Or “give the doll a hug.” Like commanding her to give affection. I’m sure it’s not intended that way but regardless how is my toddler supposed to be able to discern when being told to give affection is appropriate vs when it’s not?
When I hear this and similar comments I think my MIL wants my daughter to be a people pleaser. To me this is a firm boundary but a script would be so appreciated in how to compassionately yet assertively address it. Like, a firm and yet somewhat lighthearted way of saying no to that crap lol.
Thanks so much in advance!

You've finished all 5 LNs, and want more, well this thread has you covered. This will go over what you can read next.

Official Stuff

• Turn Around and Face Me

Well, you've read the LNs, why not read Turn Around and Face Me, the sequel series, set years after the original? May and Aleah Francois are now teenagers, going to an All-Girls Academy. This series is more lighthearted, and won't have any earth-shattering consequences to it. It's just two dumb teenagers in love with people who aren't interested in them. TAFM is still ongoing, and we should be getting chapter 3 fairly soon.

• I'm in Love With the Villainess manga.

Same story from the LNs, with a lot more detail. Aono Shimo's art takes what is already a great light novel series, and brings it to life in greater detail. There is a lot added on here, helping to make this a wonderful experience. It's currently in the Investigation arc, and runs monthly in Yuri Hime.

• Inori's Skeb Stories.

These are commissioned works she's done, and their canoncity is essentially TBD. Only a handful are translated here, I'm unsure as to where the rest are.

• Manwha....sorta?

Look, I'll be real here, there's no legal way to read it in english, nor any illegal ways. If you're Korean, or read Korean, it's here.

Fanfiction

It's the lifeblood of this community, and there are so many talented writers to share. This one will be broken down into a few different categories, to help direct people towards something they might love.

Alternate Universes.

• Before the Morning Rush, AKA Coffee Loop.

Rae Taylor is a coffee shop barista, who has a crush on a regular customer, named Claire Francois. It's your typical Coffee Shop AU, that was one of the first big fics in the community, and continues to influence AU works. The sequel "A Quiet Cup of Cheer" is very good, and I highly recommend.

• Even in the Next One

"Claire Francois awakens to find herself in Japan, where Rae once lived out her past life. It’s not hard to find her wife once more, and given a second life surely it will be easy to live that one out with Rae once again and help Rae as she had helped her in Bauer. It’s hardly as if Rae will need convincing, right?
Rei Oohashi has had a crush on the icy Francois-san ever since university classes started, she is just so pretty. One would not have expected those feelings to be returned nor to have Francois-san claim they were wives in a previous life. And does Francois-san have no memories from this life either… oh no."
Essentially it's a reverse isekai, with Claire being a fish out of water. And it's full of Persona and Dungeon Meshi references. This has a NSFW companion piece from the lovely brooklynapple, which I will not link here.

• I Fragged the Villainess "American high school student Claire Francois has always risen to the occasion in her every endeavor. Now, however, she's facing perhaps her greatest challenge yet -- a first-person shooter game??? Determined to succeed, she logs in every night only to be thwarted again and again by another player with a rather peculiar gamertag. How will she react when she learns that her mysterious rival is actually another student from her school?"

The same writer also did an ESO Crossover, which I recommend reading!

• "The Queen's New Life"

"Rei "Quinn" Oohashi has a decently normal life. A job she excels at, a bothersome sister, a hobby she is undefeatable at. Things start to change when a blonde-haired fashion designer enters her life."
The story isn't very far along, but the writer is definitely having fun with this one.

• Villainess Calling

"Two trans women with very different backgrounds, and personalities. Claire Francois, is the epitome of elegance and grace, her father a wealthy politician. Beneath the facade of elegance however, lies a painful past, that she fears coming to haunt her. The Violin becoming her means of escaping her world, if only for a moment.
Rae Taylor, is a Punk Rock Bassist, who found solace in the raw energy of punk, channeling her anger and frustration into the pounding rhythms of her bass guitar. Running from her past, she attempts to make a fresh start somewhere much different. Despite the lonely pain she feels, she pushes past it, in an attempt to pretend she's someone she's not: Someone confident, and able to hide the pain from everyone around her.
A chance meeting intertwines their paths, forcing them to confront their painful pasts, and embrace their true selves. Through their shared love of music, a bond is formed, that may just help them both find happiness."
Fully admit, this is a shameless self-promotion. The first few chapters are rough, but if you enjoy punk music, or just want to see what it would be like if Rae and Claire, were trans? You'll enjoy this! This also has a NSFW companion piece which I will not link.

• Steam Punk Loop "We enter an era where technology is advancing. Not many of the common folks are capable of magic. Machines are developed to make their lives easier. The discovery of Steam Power has greatly advanced the lives of the Lower Class, at the displeasure of the Aristocrats. Magic, however, is still regarded as a higher power which most Aristocrats still wield and follow traditions. As technology grows, magic starts to fade as a higher power for the Lower Classes and questions arise, why are they bowing to Aristocrats' Magic when Steam is far greater now? Tensions grow, unrest spreads, how will the growing chaos be stopped?

Rae Taylor is the daughter of the General Store owners who sell all kinds of items and are part of the middle class.
Claire Francois is the daughter of one of the most powerful and influential Aristocrats who has control on most of the trades in the metropolis.
How can two hearts from two worlds meet at a time of uncertainty?"
Easily one of the most creative AU series, it's a fun one!

• From Enemies to Lovers.

"Rae Taylor works for the Lilium Mafia House-one of their best agents, never failed a mission. She is send to the Francois House to act as a spy and eventually eliminate their sole daughter-Claire Francois. However, little did she expect that this mission would not be as easy as she deemed."
Mafia Gays? Say no more, I'm in.

• Half-Outlaw, Half-Villainess

"Four years after the Black Mesa Incident, a gang of Outlaws including former Bureaucrat Orla Maguire and her Physicist Step-Brother, Gustavo Freeman are decimated following a disastrous heist in Panama, scattering them to the wind, and sending Orla adrift to another world, with a blonde noble girl glaring down at her.
Claire Francois must now teach this upstart commoner, who appears to go by Rae Taylor, the proper ways to act in the Kingdom of Bauer, while attempting to truly decipher who she is, why she does what she does, and why she keeps talking about 'Home' as if it were some far away place. Rae, formerly Orla Maguire, must hold out and come up with a plan in the scheming shadows of Bauer if she wants any chance of seeing her old world and family again, all while continuing to work for Claire, and realizing they have a much deeper connection than she initially thought.
Meanwhile in Panama, Dr. Gustavo Freeman is surprised by the arrival of another Noblewoman, facing evidence of string theory, and the ever encroaching threat of the so-called 'Combine' Empire that is now aware of Earth's existence. Time will tell, the currents are swirling... can Outlaws and Nobles truly find redemption?"
Half-Life meets ILTV, in an unexpected crossover!

Canon Divergent

These fics cover stories set within the main universe, but diverge from canon in some way.

• In Search of Spring.

"Claire François is madly in love—and that's a problem.
All the things she once valued now stand in her way. The nobility could never accept her loving a commoner. The church could never accept her loving a woman. Her father would be so disappointed in her. None of that matters to her anymore, not as much as creating a future for herself and Rae Taylor. To do that, they'll first have to survive the coming revolution, and to survive, they'll have to change.
But, maybe, even with the entire world is standing against her and her love, if they can change themselves they'll have a chance to change the world. So that's what they'll have to do—whatever it takes."
It's the top rated Wataoshi fic, and for a reason. It's extremely well written, and there is so much care put into this series.

• A Cleaved Soul

"In which Rae's Soul isn't simply a copy of the Demon Queen's Soul Data, but merely one half of the whole."
This has spoilers for LN5, so I recommend avoiding it, if you're reading this and have yet to complete LN5. In addition, the other has written "Memories of Another World" and "I'm in Love With my Best Friend"

• ILTV- Withering Begonia: Maybe in another life

"An exploration of Rei Oohashi's lives with Claire Francois. Major LN5 spoilers.
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.” -Anias Nin"

• Head Over Heels

"Claire is accidentally hit with a love spell during magic class and suddenly can't keep her hands off of Rae. Rae doesn't know what to do now that Claire is giving her a taste of her own medicine. How will our heroine overcome this daunting challenge?"
Brooklynapple has also written "a day worth celebrating" a cute Claire birthday piece, and "what we deserve"

• Please Don't Leave Me

"Rae's Duel with Manaria goes wrong
She wakes up back in her old life in Japan
Claire is left alone"
From the author of Eitno, we have a tearjerker, that is excellent.

• Perfectly Flawed

"A collection of short stories concerning Manaria Sousse from "I'm in Love With the Villainess." I recommend reading this after at least reading Volume 2, or after reading the whole story."

• Right Person, Different Status

"Rei wakes up in Revolution like in the original but.... She's royalty?"

• Manaria Murder Mystery

"After becoming Queen, Manaria tasks have piled up. However, something sinister has happened. Someone from her family has been murdered! She has to recruit her friends to help her solve the mystery."

• Black Lilies

" As the dust settles, and the world begins to heal, the once mighty Demon Queen, Rei Oohashi has been defeated. But her story does not end with her defeat, it is only just beginning. Rei has been offered a second chance, a chance to repent for her actions as the Demon Queen. Despite her inability to forgive herself, despite her lingering scars, one person sees through them all: Lilly Lilium.
A girl who despite her own scars, from her time as her father's assassin, wishes for nothing more than to help Rei to heal, even if she's incapable of doing so herself. Together they begin a journey spanning the Kingdom of Bauer, and beyond, whilst battling their own inner turmoil."
Again, shameless self-promotion.

• Lilly Lilium Is Not A Princess!

"After deciding to take another pilgrimage, Lilly finds herself in Melica, where a certain chestnut-haired woman waits."
A fic dedicated to an underrated pairing. It's cute, check it out
I realize I am missing quite a few fics, but it's almost 2AM and I'm tired. Is there a fic you enjoy that should be on the list? Comment and I'll add it! Writing your own and need tips? Comment!

So I just finally finished LF a few days ago (after rotting on the library waitlist for months!), and I was really pleasantly surprised by the way Tanaka was written. Now part of that is just that I'm a big sucker - as both a reader and a writer - for taking apart characters who are irredeemable bastards and seeing what makes them tick. I was really curious to see other fans' takes on her, and it looks like she was pretty polarizing as a POV characters - some of you guys, like me, really loved to hate her (and maybe even dip a tentative toe into feeling sorry for her), and some of you just plain hated her (and that's fine - some people prefer being able to like their POV characters. I'm not one of those people) or thought her chapters were boring (what book were you reading?). However, I haven't seen anyone really say much about the significance of her interest in (love of, really) art and art history. So I wanna talk a little about that.
The takes I've seen have largely come down to either, "It didn't fit with her character and felt really random," which I'm about to disagree with HARD, or "It served as a device to show that there was more to her that meets the eye, and that she could have gone down a completely different path." This one, I agree with, but I also think there's a lot more to it.
(1) So let's talk about why art history specifically. Why not something else seemingly 180 degrees away from being a Marine, like gardening or culinary science? As an artist who takes myself unapologetically seriously, I have had a lot of conversations with an artist friend of mine lately about the intimacy of art. Art is both an expression of individuality and a vehicle of profound, often terrifying, connection. The former is what Tanaka regards as the core of her being, while the latter is anathema to her. She is drawn to art precisely because it exists in a space of tension between her comfort zone and her deepest fears. It is the razor edge that she loves to walk.
I've said before that I think of art as a form of telepathy - you are trying to capture something inside your own mind and externalize it in a way that it is transmitted into the mind of another person. When Tanaka begins experiencing this very literally in a manner she can't control, it's her worst nightmare. But she loves art because it is a version of this that she can control. It's an outlet for her to fulfill the fundamentally human need for connection when it's never been safe (both literally and psychologically) for her to do so through any other means. She learned that as a child when she sought a hug and got a slap in the face instead.
A number of the art pieces she contemplates are emotionally intense. The Third Miko in particularly is memorable because it is a heavy piece, full of vulnerability and grief and dread. These are the kinds of pieces that not only did the artist have to rip themselves open and pour their soul into in order to produce, but the audience is required to do the same to some extent in order to fully experience them. Turning soul-crushing sadness into usable rage isn't alchemy - it's more like a refinement process; it takes a lot of energy, and there is a lot of waste runoff that still has to go somewhere. For Tanaka, that's where it goes. That's the safe place to put it. Inside of someone else's pain, where no one will ever know it's yours.
(2) The other thing I wanted to talk about hinges on a "blink and you miss it" detail that, for me at least, completely reframed the whole picture regarding the "two roads diverged" aspect of Tanaka's life, and that's the casually dropped revelation that she never actually had a choice in the first place. The way this was written, I'm absolutely certain it was a very deliberate choice by JSAC to undermine the assumptions we as readers had been previously led to make.
The "two roads" framing comes up explicitly three times in the book. The first time is in Chapter 24: "Tanaka hadn’t thought about that painting in decades, or about what a very different life she would have lived if she’d made a few different decisions at the start." The next mention is in Chapter 31, when Dr. Ahmadi is reviewing Tanaka's file. She says, "You refused an advanced scholarship in order to enlist." Both of these references frame it very explicitly as a choice. But then, a few pages later, it's revealed that it actually wasn't: "If Aunt Akari had let her study art history instead of enlisting in active service, where would she be right now? And who would be tracking down the high consul? What else—how many thousands of other things—would be different?" (emphasis mine).
This detail and the way it was just slipped in there actually made me feel terribly sad for her because it reveals that this was, in fact, never where she wanted to be at all. This is more a matter of interpretation, but my takeaway was that the whole thing about her preferring a repressive society might be less the truth and more of a narrative she tells herself because she has spent her entire life deprived of any kind of real agency. It's true that someone who has never experienced life outside a pressure cooker environment might rapidly decompress like a blobfish upon being removed from it (I'm reminded of the memoir The Girl With Seven Names, where the author's mother and brother can't adapt to life outside of North Korea and want to go back), but that's less about being naturally well-suited to it and more about being deeply and maybe irreversibly maladapted.
When Tanaka tells herself she loves life under the boot because it gives her something to push back against, she's making the best of a bad situation by pretending her lack of agency is actually just a really sophisticated form of agency. It's because the only love she has ever known is the threat of consequences, with the only realistic alternative being complete apathy. It's the same mentality that makes abuse victims blame themselves - because, in some ways, the version of events where you were totally helpless and at the mercy of other people and a cold, uncaring universe is more distressing than the version where you brought it upon yourself through your own choices and actions. Wanting (and presumably asking her aunt's permission) to study art history, only to be forced to enlist in the marines instead is just another variation of her reaching for a hug and getting a slap. But if someone cares enough to slap you in the face, at least that means they care, right? "Laconia would put two in the back of my head because they care about what I think and do" is still a nicer story than "Laconia would put two in the back of my head because I'm nobody and nothing and completely disposable to them." It also made me wonder what was meant earlier by "if she’d made a few different decisions at the start." What does she tell herself she could have done differently to change a fate that was never in her hands to begin with?
TL;DR Tanaka loves art because it's the only way she can safely experience human connection, and it's implied she actually would have chosen to study art history if her aunt hadn't forced her to enlist.

Hi everyone- thank you in advance for reading…. Although, TL;DR I am at my wit’s end- at this point, even with medication and counter conditioning it feels like it’s 1 step forward and 3 steps back. And I can’t pinpoint why! Why has her fear and anxiety gotten so much worse in the past 3 years? Is the issue lack of trust? If we had experienced some kind of traumatic event at least I would know what had triggered this, but we didn’t. I wish I could just talk to her and understand.
Has anyone else experienced a sudden regression in feaanxiety response (without a triggering event)? Or feaanxiety that doesn’t improve substantially even with treatment, but instead even worsens over time? If so, what did you do? How did you manage? And most of all- is there hope? I just want my adventure dog back.
I have had my dog since she was 6 months old- prior to adoption she was a found as a stray. She was skinny, had worms, and had a broken femur (suspected car accident).
I focused on healing her up, built trust, did basic training, and we became besties & mothedaughter. We definitely experienced separation anxiety, but it didn’t inhibit her. She has been slightly fearful of long car rides and traffic noise in the past, but she especially overcame this when we moved cross country in my car- there was a bit of help from trazadone there, but mostly because I wanted her to just sleep on our 9-10 hour driving days. The trip went well- she has been the best adventure buddy.
Fast forward to living in our new state- we moved 4 times in one year (pandemic!) before finding a wonderful permanent house with 2 women. I worked from home at first, then went back to the office but one of my housemates worked from home, and she had a dog who my dog was besties with. We rarely had issues with fear or anxiety during this time, only on the rare occasion of neighborhood fireworks (new years and July 4th). Her separation anxiety vastly improved in this living situation, and she was never really alone.
Then we reached a turning point: I began dating a person who lived 30 minutes away, who has a dog that ‘doesn’t know how to dog’ imo- history of reactivity (aggression), and even after getting them used to each other never learned how to play with my dog (who can play with any dog!) This somewhat long distance relationship involves me driving 30 mins to their house and 30 mins home every weekend. And my dog became INCREASINGLY anxious in the car, to the point of panting, shaking, drooling- nearly a full panic attack. We went to vet, described what was happening, they suggested trazadone - I tried it, because it had worked in the past, but it made her seem just high and still anxious now- like she felt out of control or something. So instead I focused on counter conditioning in the car as best I could with tons of high value treats on car rides, and this helped- for a time.
Housing situation changed due to landlord selling home, we had to move again to a neighborhood with lots of construction. (Also will mention that leases here often are July to July so moving right before firework holidays- ugh). She started to become increasingly noise adverse, more than ever before. Someone cold slam a door outside the house and she would go into full panic fear response. Car rides anywhere became awful!! Returned to vet, they suggested puppy prozac. Started her on that and found some improvement, but it was not the miracle drug I had been hoping for.
Finally, to date, partner and I move in together. My dog is now 6 yrs old. I am super excited to see her improve due to greater housing stability and wayyyyy less car rides. Of course, we have to get through a very difficult 4th of July again, right after a new move, but it is ok. However, her car ride fear is as awful as ever. At our annual vet check up they ask how she’s doing and I mention continuing fear responses so they suggest adding Clonodine to the Prozac, so I do. I saw a small amount of improvement. But just this weekend we drive out to dispersed camp, something she’s done MANY times- the car ride was bumpy/spicy at times and even with trazadone she had a full fear response. AND unfortunately the campsite was windy AF so she had a fear response the whole evening, to the point that she couldn’t settle at all, despite being exhausted - she shivered and shook, sitting at alert while struggling to keep her eyes open- it was heartbreaking to see her struggle so much with something we used to enjoy together.
Thank you thank you for reading!

Dear patients, supporters, donors, and friends,
Exciting news: Our second scientific study has wrapped up its sample collection phase and is now in full swing.
Today marks a significant milestone as we've successfully collected blood samples from over 150 patients, with a third of this data already on its way to Dr. Alfonso Urbanucci and his team at The University of Tampere. While we may need to collect some samples again, we are now considering sample collection complete.
This achievement is the culmination of six years of dedicated work by PFS Network, our research group and volunteers.
Alongside our ongoing study at The University of Kiel, these milestones signify unparalleled progress towards understanding PFS and developing safe, effective treatments for patients. We're more hopeful than ever about what lies ahead.
This progress has been hard-fought and largely led by patients, some of whom are no longer with us. We extend our deepest gratitude to everyone who has contributed to reaching this point.

Patient Volunteers

A heartfelt thank you to all who have volunteered for our organisation. Your support forms the bedrock of our progress.
Special appreciation goes to the staff who initially volunteered to moderate the propeciahelp forum back in 2018. Despite the lack of recognition, their pivotal role paved the way for community-wide collaboration, resulting in significant achievements, including

• Gathering over 400 responses for our patient survey, now in the process of publication in scientific literature.
• Hosting over 20 videos on our YouTube channel, featuring patients, family members, clinicians, and researchers.
• Recruiting over 200 patients for ongoing scientific studies.

These moderators facilitated a shift towards constructive, scientifically oriented discussions, steering our community platforms in a more productive direction.
We'd also like to extend our gratitude to everyone who has contributed to PFSN projects, whether through data analysis, SEO assistance, video editing, participant recruitment, media engagement, or other forms of support. Your contributions have been invaluable.

Donors

When we embarked on fundraising for our study at The University of Kiel in December 2021, we had modest expectations. The overwhelming response, reaching our 80,000 EUR target within four months, exceeded all expectations.
In total, our charity has raised nearly half a million euros over three years, a remarkable feat considering the grassroots nature of our fundraising efforts. These funds have supported two major projects and enabled us to hire our first PhD student. We are profoundly grateful to all who have contributed.
A special thanks to our major donors, who have generously provided the majority of our funding. Approximately 87% of our funds come from 'private donors,' including patient families, individual wealthy patients, and our first grant.
We also express gratitude to patient donors whose consistent support, though smaller in scale, has been invaluable.

Researchers & Clinicians

We've often expressed our gratitude for the exceptional team of researchers we're privileged to work with. What began as individual research endeavours has evolved into a comprehensive scientific advisory team comprising experts across various fields.
While we are immensely grateful for their support in launching these projects, we also recognise the contributions of others who have made these studies possible. This includes clinical support for patient and control tissue collection for the Kiel study, researchers who have previously published on the topic, and the teams supporting lead researchers at their institutions.

What's Next

Reflecting on our progress, it's essential to recognise the concerted effort it has required. Equally important is acknowledging the state of affairs before these advancements.
In 2018, cohesive patient participation platforms were scarce, clinical data was limited, and appropriate scientific research on the condition was lacking. The achievements of recent years are not accidental but the result of careful planning and thoughtful collaboration.
Throughout our journey, we've emphasised the importance of patience and practical, incremental steps towards understanding, recognition, and eventual treatments. We remind patients of the principles that got us here and urge you not to take this progress for granted.
As we move forward with both studies, our focus shifts to supporting researchers in their vital work. While we cannot provide detailed updates from the lab as frequently, rest assured we'll maintain regular communication, now on a quarterly basis instead.
Over the coming months, we'll continue consulting with our scientific advisory team, analysing incoming data, and exploring new projects to advance understanding and awareness of PFS.
To some, especially new patients, progress over the coming months may seem slow or non-existent. However, the most significant work is now underway.
We're cognizant that this could result in a situation reminiscent of 2018, characterised by a tendency towards quick solutions and increased complacency.
Please understand that our progress has been achievable only through broad cooperation and support of clearly defined, justified projects. We advise patients to carefully consider who they entrust to spearhead progress and meticulously assess any individual or group asking for their support.
Please remain active in driving progress forward, chiefly by backing our initiatives and motivating others to do the same. If you're currently contributing financially, please maintain your support to ensure timely commencement of potential new projects, when ready. Additionally, as advocated in our 2024 fundraising campaign, please continue to inspire your loved ones to contribute financially whenever feasible.
Thank you all for your unwavering dedication and support. Despite the road ahead, our optimism for the future has never been higher.

I’m seeking some guidance on transitioning into a new career path. Here’s a bit about my background:

• Experience: 11 years as a litigation paralegal • Education: Bachelor’s degree in Political Science 

I’m very interested in moving into the fields of compliance or operations. I’m looking for advice on how to make this transition effectively. Specifically, I would love insights on:

1. Additional Education/Certifications: Are there specific courses, certifications, or degrees that would help make my resume more attractive for compliance or operations roles? 2. Transferable Skills: What skills from my paralegal experience would be most valuable in compliance or operations? How should I highlight these on my resume and during interviews? 3. Networking: Are there particular industry groups, forums, or networking strategies that would be helpful as I make this shift? 4. Job Search Tips: Any specific advice for searching for and applying to compliance or operations positions? 5. Career Pathways: Are there entry-level roles or specific industries that might be more accessible for someone with my background? 

I appreciate any tips, experiences, or resources you can share. Thanks in advance for your help!
TL;DR: I have 11 years of experience as a litigation paralegal and a bachelor’s in political science. I want to transition into compliance or operations and need advice on education, skills, networking, job search strategies, and career pathways.

1. Hogwarts Literature: Fiction inspired by or set in a magical school setting similar to Hogwarts from the Harry Potter series.
2. Cubicle Punk: Blends the aesthetics of cyberpunk with the mundane reality of office or corporate life.
3. Bizarro Fiction: Absurdist and surreal storytelling that often defies traditional genre conventions.
4. Monster Erotica: Explores romantic or erotic relationships with supernatural or monstrous creatures.
5. Cryonics Literature: Involves the preservation of humans at low temperatures with the hope of revival in the future.
6. Decadent Movement: A literary and artistic movement that rejects societal norms and embraces excess and decay.
7. Solarpunk: Envisions a future where renewable energy and sustainable living practices prevail.
8. Fungipunk: Blends punk aesthetics with fungi-inspired technology or settings.
9. Radium Age Science Fiction: Refers to science fiction literature from the early 20th century, marked by the discovery of radium and its influence on storytelling.
10. Hopepunk: Emphasizes hope, optimism, and resilience in the face of adversity.
11. Landscape Poetry: Poetry that vividly describes and explores landscapes, both natural and man-made.
12. Femslash: Fan fiction or literature featuring romantic or sexual relationships between female characters.
13. Mythopoeia: The creation of myths or mythic worlds through literary or artistic means.
14. Hikikomori Literature: Explores the phenomenon of social withdrawal and isolation, often associated with the hikikomori lifestyle in Japan.
15. Wuxia: A Chinese genre of literature focused on martial arts heroes in ancient settings.
16. Tsundoku Literature: Fictional works that explore the practice of acquiring books and letting them pile up without reading them.
17. Cattlepunk: A western-inspired subgenre with advanced technology and cattle-centric themes.
18. Hogwarts Literature: Fiction inspired by or set in a magical school setting similar to Hogwarts from the Harry Potter series.
19. Solarpunk: Envisions a future where renewable energy and sustainable living practices prevail.
20. Digital Poetry: Poetry created using digital tools and technology, often exploring the intersection of language and digital media.

We have so many different ways to express our appreciation for things. This series is an expensive list of the subgenres you can use as a writer to describe the projects you are working with.
Respond with anything you think might be missing, or comments on whatever you have that may fit one, or more, of these awesome definitions of subgenres!
This is supposed to be fun, so no rude Dolphin hate!

1. Ergodic Literature: Requires effort from the reader beyond typical reading, often involving non-linear narratives or physical interaction with the book.
   
2. Bildungsroman: A novel that focuses on the psychological and moral growth of the protagonist from youth to adulthood.
   
3. Eco-Horror: Blends elements of horror and environmental issues, often featuring nature as a malevolent force.
   
4. Biopunk: Explores the impact of biotechnology, genetic engineering, and biometrics on society.
   
5. Cli-Fi (Climate Fiction): Focuses on climate change and its effects on the environment and humanity.
   
6. Chick Lit Noir: Merges elements of women's fiction, mystery, and noir, typically featuring a female protagonist.
   
7. Solarpunk: Envisions a future where renewable energy and sustainable living practices prevail.
   
8. Flintlock Fantasy: Features technology equivalent to the flintlock firearm era in a fantasy setting.
   
9. Transrealism: Blurs the line between reality and fiction, often incorporating real-life events and characters.
   
10. Splatstick: Combines slapstick comedy with elements of horror, often involving exaggerated and gory violence.
    
11. Crunchy Noir: A subversion of traditional noir with added elements of comedy and irreverence.
    
12. Kaiju Erotica: Involves giant monsters (kaiju) in explicit or erotic contexts.
    
13. Gastrofiction: Focuses on food and culinary experiences as a central theme in the narrative.
    
14. Biopunk: Explores the societal implications of biotechnology, genetic engineering, and biometrics.
    
15. Dieselpunk: Set in a world where diesel-based technology is prevalent, often in an alternate history.
    
16. Bugpunk: Blends steampunk aesthetics with insect-inspired technology.
    
17. Rural Noir: Noir fiction set in rural or small-town environments, often exploring dark themes.
    
18. Hopepunk: Emphasizes hope, optimism, and resilience in the face of adversity.
    
19. Mannerpunk: A subgenre of fantasy that focuses on manners, social hierarchies, and etiquette.
    
20. Clockpunk: Features clockwork mechanisms and Renaissance-era technology in a fantasy setting.
    
21. Atompunk: Centers around the aesthetics and technology inspired by the Atomic Age and mid-20th century.
    
22. Dreadpunk: A subgenre of gothic horror that emphasizes a sense of dread and unease.
    
23. Decopunk: Set in the Art Deco era, often with a focus on sleek design and glamour.
    
24. Dying Earth Subgenre: Takes place in the last days of a dying world, often with a sense of decay and decline.
    
25. Mannerpunk: Focuses on manners, social structures, and etiquette in a fantastical setting.
    
26. Slipstream: Blurs the boundaries between mainstream fiction and speculative fiction.
    
27. Cattlepunk: A western-inspired subgenre with advanced technology and cattle-centric themes.
    
28. Oceanpunk: Features maritime and underwater settings with a focus on oceanic technology.
    
29. Dolphin Poetry: Poetry inspired by or featuring dolphins as a prominent theme.
    
30. Cat Poetry: Poetry centered around cats as a significant subject.
    

Platinum End Theory: Who Is God And Those Mysterious Beings In The Finale Explained
Original link- https://reddit.com/platinumend/comments/sdw2rc/deleted_by_use
Repost cause the original was deleted. I'm not OP. OP is https://www.reddit.com/usemuphenz
Deleted Theory https://www.reddit.com/platinumend/s/b347iH85A7
Thanks https://www.reddit.com/usecompletelylostcase for the Pastebin link. https://pastebin.com/A8K4bJiD
DISCLAIMER: This theory will go over the entire story of Platinum End, so obvious spoilers ahead.Just a heads up, this theory is posted at the time that only a few episodes of the anime have been released. Depending on how much the anime stays like the manga, details may end up changing. Therefore, the entire theory will be based solely on the manga. I will also leave snippets of the manga with the highlighted text to support my claim. Please be sure to read those as it will help this theory make sense. This theory is completely my own original thoughts. If anyone shares this, please be sure to credit me, Muphenz. Thanks! Hello, my fellow Platinum End fans! If you’re like me, the ending completely caught me off guard and left my head-scratching. Do not worry! I’ve overanalyzed everything and made a theory to possibly explain who god and those beings at the end of the story are, so you don’t have to. Those beings at the end of the manga, chapter 58, are drum roll…humans of the future who have achieved many scientific advancements who existed well before the story of Platinum End takes place and are simulating their own world with fake humans, fake angels, and a fake god. Why are the real humans running this simulation? Simply put, they’re suicidal and no amount of therapy is going to help with that. Why are they wanting to die? In the future, it is predicted by Gaku Yoneda that within 500 years, humans will achieve immortality. Once they achieve immortality, they will eventually master time and space and will be able to do things like teleport, time travel, see the future, etc. And once humans achieve immortality and are able to know all of the future, they will discover that the future cannot be changed according to Dr. Yoneda. Just like Dr. Yoneda’s prediction, the real humans are wanting to die which is why it’s stated by one of the real humans how annoying it is that there is no death. Whatever the process was that made the real humans immortal, it seems that it cannot be reversed to restore one’s mortality. Although it’s not stated how humans will achieve immortality and allow them to control time and space, this will somehow cause humanity’s apocalypse as well, destroying the original Earth. What makes these creatures more human-like than god-like is that they admit they were born on another planet, most likely the original Earth. They are also aware that they too were created by something that is above them. How do we know Dr. Yoneda’s predictions are right? It was stated by Shuji Nakaumi that his past predictions came true. One thing to understand about science is that it’s extremely good at accurately predicting things. Example 1: With Issac Newton’s law of motion, scientists can predict the position of an object at any specific time, past, present, or future. Example 2: In the 1840s, Fitzner astronomer Urbain Le Verrier was analyzing the orbit pathway of Mercury and found that it is changing very slowly over time. With technology limited at that time, it was hard to provide proof. In 1915, the famous German physicist, Albert Einstein was able to calculate the influence of the curved space in Mercury’s orbit. That is 75 years later that science proved its prediction was right. Although science cannot tell future events like a psychic will attempt to, I believe this is what the author was using to help advance the plot for the ending. The real humans already know the future and they’re aware that no matter what they try, death is not a part of that. If they cannot do it, someone else can. That is when these simulations come in. The real humans will create simulated humans. In one of the simulations, the story of Platinum End takes place. This would not be on a computer. This process would involve terraforming an entire planet to support carbon-based life. The planet that the simulated humans live on will be similar to the original Earth as well as the history and advancement of science will be similar to the real humans. As the simulated human’s society progresses, like in Platinum End, they would eventually learn how to become immortal and learn how to control space-time which would lead to them wanting to die just like the real humans. But unlike the real humans, the simulated ones may actually achieve a way to kill themselves once they obtain immortality that the real humans could use. But as we already know stated by the real humans, this specific simulation was a failure. Nothing was created that was capable of killing them. Thus, the real humans will move on to a new simulation. Pay very special attention to this picture. Notice right after all of the humans disappear when the fake god kills himself, the buildings are slowly crumbling away since no one is here to maintain them. According to World Building, it would take an average of 250 years for a building to start to break apart since materials like wood and plastic would be destroyed by the environment if not maintained. Metal would be expanding and no longer able to keep the building's structure in place. This would cause things like windows to fall off and shatter. So after a few hundred years, the real humans return to the planet after the simulated humans disappeared due to the fake god’s suicide. It’s possible that during this time they’re running other simulations on other planets and returned when this simulation was completed. Since the real humans have achieved master over space-time, teleporting to anywhere in the universe would not be out of the question. Since they cannot die, the amount of time it would take for the real humans to travel anywhere in the universe is irrelevant as well. Even though Gaku Yoneda’s predictions about the simulated humanity’s end were wrong, he was technically right. It did come true for the real humans. If Shuji Nakaumi, as the fake god, did not kill himself and wipe out all of the fake humans, they would of most likely learned how to cheat death and to control space-time in the future. Gaku was wrong about the fake god being a product of human belief in order to live. He even admits that the composition of the fake god was wrong. If the fake god required human belief to live, then Shuji would not have erased the memories of those who were not god candidates as it would have affected the fake god's existence if fewer people believed in him. There is one thing that begs the question. Why is a fake god needed to run these simulations? Why do the simulated humans have souls? Why not just create the simulated humans and leave them to figure out how to create an immortal killing machine without the process of a false god? This is because God and souls are actually real and are necessary for life to exist. To clarify, the “God” that Shuji Nakaumi was transmuted into is not the true God that I’m referring to. I’m referring to the first cause of everything, a self-aware creator, a deistic God who existed before time and space who created the universe and does not intervene in its creation. This means no miracles, prophecy, answering prayers, divine revelation, etc. Everything in the universe is governed by physics and these laws cannot be broken. The real humans who are running the simulations are aware that they are a creation made from a creator. However, since a deistic God does not interfere in the universe, the real humans cannot know of him, at least while they are still alive. Considering the real humans can control space-time, I can say for certain at one point, at least one person went to the very beginning of time and saw something that would be evidence of an intelligent designer creating the universe. When the real humans are conversing with each other at the finale, one human suggests identifying what created them and the second one replies that seeking their creator will be a waste of time. If a deistic God won’t intervene in its creation, the real humans would be wasting time by attempting to contact him. Even though they can control space-time, if the creator exists outside of reality, they would not be able to reach this entity. Focusing on figuring out who created them means that time is wasted if they're not figuring out how to die which is why it would take them further away from death. Just as the simulated humans have souls, the real humans also have souls. At some point, the real humans discovered the soul. They are aware that this is needed for life to be sentient. The discovery of the soul could have played a key part in the real humans achieving immortality. The fake god is engineered by the real humans to create souls so that life can be sentient, mimic the universe's deistic God by allowing the simulation to run with no interference, and act as a mod to keep an eye on life with the red and white arrows. The celestial realm was created so the fake god would not be a part of the simulated world. Even though time moves differently in the celestial realm, it is the closest thing that the real humans can engineer to simulate a deist God that is separated from its creation. This fake god does not have the powers of a supreme being. The fake god does not know everything, is not everywhere at once, and does not display any sort of omnipotent ability. There is a lot of things that the fake god admits to not knowing, such as who created him, why are souls preserved, and how long does the merging process take. Although we do see the fake god have the ability to observe humanity, I would say that this is the equivalent of having admin privileges to watch humanity live-streamed on YouTube. The fake god is aware that he is created by someone. The fake god noticed that there are things that had already been created that he was not a part of just by observing everything in the universe. Although he seems to not understand what created him. He even acknowledges the idea that humanity could have created him. All the simulated souls come from the fake god. This is done through a process of emanation, which means to flow from. In the Abrahamic religions, specifically Gnosticism, Jewish Mysticism, and certain sectors of Protestantism, instead of your typical creator being separate from its creation, everything is a spontaneous outflow from God. As pieces of God emanate from him, it becomes less divine, but these pieces will eventually become an individual soul that forms into human spirits, angels, demons, as well as other things that come into reality such as heaven, hell, and the world of the living. Eventually, everything that came from God, will return back to the creator. (If you’re still confused on what emanation is, I would do more research before continuing to read as this will play a key role in understanding who the fake god is.) Emanation is how the fake god created the simulated human and their soul, the fake angels, and the celestial realm. The fake god took a piece of himself and used it to create life. Since everything emanates from the fake god is connected to him, as he is dying, most of the angels are dying too. Due to this connection, when the fake god killed himself, everything that was tied to the fake god disappeared. But because the creation of the fake god is not connected to the physical world, the planet and everything that is not life remained on it. When the simulated human beings die, the soul goes to the celestial realm. This is the returning aspect of emanation. The souls that came from the fake god are returning back to him. You always see all angels, regardless of rank, having the task of carrying the souls to the celestial realm. It seems that the main purpose of the angels is to help with the return part of the emanation process. The more that the emanence is divided, the less divine it becomes. This is why the fake humans are considered sub-celestial in the hierarchy.It appears that there is a certain order to the flow of emanation. The newest creations emanate from the fake god. Kids will be the first in the line for the emanate process and their parents will be behind them. This is why when the fake god committed suicide, the kids were the first ones to disappear, then the adults. All things that emanate from the fake god are returning to the original source in reverse order when the fake god takes his own life. When the fake god merges with a human, this appears to go against the set pattern of the emanation process by breaking the order in which the emanence flows. This is why when Shuji merged with the fake god, it felt like there was something foreign in the fake god's body similar to how an infected person's body acts when the immune system detects foreign bacteria or a virus. The only way to get around it is by the fake god merging with a simulated human and having the fake god take over the new body when the fusion is completed. It is stated by the fake god that it is nothing more than humanity's assumption that God cannot die. This may be true for the deistic God, but not for a fake god. It is already known that the real humans achieved immortality. Although the fake god could have been engineered to be immortal, that would just create another being who would eventually want to die. The fake god was designed to live a long life, compared to humans, that could be extended through the process of merging with one of its emanated counterparts until the simulation was completed. This has been done throughout time in the form of the god choosing process. The fake god confirmed to Shuji that his purpose was to create life. Professor Yoneda confirmed that the fake god was created by human imagination and that its purpose was to end life. On the surface, this may seem like a contradiction. But both of them are right. The fake god’s purpose was to create the simulated humans. God is metaphorically a creation of human imagination. It was not by the simulated human’s imagination as stated by Yoneda, but it was designed and engineered by the minds of the real humans. Since the purpose of the simulation is for the fake humans to achieve immortality and figure out how to reverse it, you can say that the fake god is a part of that process of killing humanity. Right as all of the humans are disappearing, Dr. Yoneda realizes that the composition that makes up the creature is based on a science that the simulated humans have not discovered yet. The composition of the fake god is Aether. In medieval times, a common study among scholars is alchemy, which can be best described as the forerunner for modern-day chemistry mixed with the pseudoscience of metaphysics. According to Charles Gillispie, a historian at Princeton University, in his book, The Edge of Objectivity, An Essay in the History of Scientific Ideas, Aether is the fifth element, along with earth, wind, fire, and water, that are the basic building blocks of the universe. During medieval times, Aether is the substance that is believed to connect the physical world to the spiritual one. It was even a common belief that the Abrahamic God was surrounded by Aether and that all of the angels, demons, and souls that dwelled in the afterlife breathed it in as humans breathed in the air. According to Jakob Bernoulli, a mathematician from the 1600s, believed that Aether is what allowed souls to interact with their human bodies. All of these characteristics of Aether match the composition of the fake god. Aether is what allows life to become sentient, connecting all of the simulated humans back to the fake god from the physical world to the celestial realm. It seems at some point, the real humans discover this element. This discovery most likely led to the discovery of the soul. Using this element, the real humans used Aether to construct the fake god needed for the simulations. Everything that is a part of the simulation, the fake god, angels, the soul, the arrows, is made up of this element. The red arrow is what allows the god candidates to make other humans fall in love with them so much that the person who is under the influence of the arrow will do literally anything the person who is in control wants, even die for them. The white arrow has the ability to kill any life while all inanimate objects are unaffected. These were limits placed on the arrows by the fake god. According to Ogaro, the fake god can use the full power of the arrows at will. The red arrow is more than just making someone fall in love. The arrow does this by taking away their free will. The god candidates were limited to using the arrow on 14 people at once for a period of up to 33 days. With the fake god able to use the full power of the red arrow, he can enslave any or all simulated humans with a snap of his finger for as long as he desired. The red arrow also played a role in creating the first simulated life as well. The fake god stated that if life was left alone, it would multiply. The desire of falling in love and wanting to procreate was implanted by the red arrow when life was created. The white arrow is the opposite of the red arrow. This arrow can kill life instantly. The limit that was placed on this arrow is that only one white arrow can be shot at a time. Just like the red arrow, this arrow has a maximum range of 31.6 meters. When cycling the white arrow, there is a cool down period of 0.3 seconds. If these limiters are removed, the fake god can kill all humans with the white arrows with virtually no limit on distance, any number of arrows can be used simultaneously, and there would be no mandatory cool down period. The creation of the simulated humans involves two key ingredients. The first is the soul which comes from the fake god. The second is a physical body for the soul to be attached to. The real humans asked if it was worth planting another seed and another god as those are two separate things. The making of another god is obviously the fake god. But what is the seed? The seed is what makes the physical embodiment of all plants and animals that all emanence is attached to. I.E., souls attached to bodies. According to the fake god, before he created life on the fake Earth, there was some sort of micro-organism. This seed would be that micro-organism, specifically carbon-based bacteria that is capable of evolution. Around 3 billion years ago, the first life on Earth was bacteria. There are two types of bacteria, a classification of anaerobic bacteria that ate other organic compounds and simple sugars to survive. The other kind is autotrophs bacteria which is capable of self-feeding. Anaerobic bacteria would evolve into modern-day animals. Autotroph bacteria would evolve into modern-day plants that still have the ability to self-feed through a process of photosynthesis. It is possible to send bacteria through space. According to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Frontiers in Microbiology, bacteria were able to survive in space for three years. If the real humans were able to transport the seed through space in less than 3 years, it could easily survive. Considering they achieved immortality, it is within reason to think this would be a piece of cake for them. At some point, part of the anaerobic bacteria would come in contact with the fake god, who was on the fake Earth at that time to make life, recognized the fake god as food, and attempted to feed off of him to survive. The bacteria that fed off the fake god would eventually evolve into Nasse. The bacteria that did not feed off of the fake god would evolve into more complex forms of life on the fake Earth. Since Nasse was accidentally created from this event, it most likely means that she is the first angel that the fake god created. This means that she could serve as inspiration for the fake god to create angels for the celestial realm. The angels don't seem to share any ability to reproduce with each other. There is never any mention of any family heritage. It means that all of the angels were created around the same time. Since Nasse is the only angel that came from the seed/bacteria, her biological makeup differs from all the other angels. While the majority of her is angel, part of the genetic makeup is similar to carbon-based life. Although I would not say Nasse is an angel-human hybrid, she could be considered a type of Nephilim. Due to this biological difference, Nasse is the only angel that can interfere in both the physical world and the celestial realm. Much research has shown that facial expressions are innate among all animals, not just humans. The same animals that display facial expressions when expressing emotions, lying, determination, etc. use similar muscles in the face as humans do. For example, a Psychologist, Paul Ekman, studied facial expression from hours of film and ventured on to multiple isolated tribes who have very little contact with modern society. He showed them pictures of facial expressions and asked them to interpret them. These people were able to match facial expressions and their meaning with high accuracy. This is one of the many studies that show facial expressions are genetic. Even though Nasse is single-minded, she is able to understand facial expressions due to her biological relationship with the simulated life on the fake Earth. But hey, this is just a theory."

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/hopefulaga1n
My ex-wife [36 F] still keeps trying to get back together with me [36 M] and our daughters [16 F] want that to happen too
Thanks to u/mjolnirstrike for suggesting this BoRU and u/Minute_Point_949 & u/stevvandy for finding the links
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, manipulation
Original Post May 7, 2016
Doesn't really sound like a big problem, right? Yeah, well, while I wish I could just plain tell her to piss off and never bother me again, there is the matter of us having two daughters and sharing custody, so I can't excise her from my life on a permanent basis.
Not without removing our daughters too.
We married fairly early in our lives, back when we were 20 and we had been dating for three years before that. Our daughters were born in the very first year of the marriage, and there were some complications which meant my ex-wife would have difficulty conceiving again. Didn't matter to me at the time, because I was just glad she made it healthy and fine through the whole ordeal and that we already had two beautiful baby girls to love and raise up.
The marriage lasted for 9 years. Ended when I divorced her for cheating. I have absolutely no tolerance for it and I don't believe in forcing myself to suffer needlessly for shit that wasn't my fault to begin with. While this might sound incredulous to some folks, any love I had for my ex-wife was pretty much killed when I found out about her cheating and the details behind it. So yeah, this isn't a thread about me moving on from her. I've done that 7 years ago. Hell, I don't even hate her, I just don't give a damn about what goes on in her life unless it concerns our daughters.
The problem is that it's only me that moved on from the whole thing. The ex-wife, her family, and even our daughters, have kept trying to get us back together even though I have made it plain for everyone that I have no interest of ever doing that. Me not dating at first for a few years after the divorce might have been giving them false hope, but I sure as fuck wasn't going to jump into another relationship so soon after. Not with our daughters to look after.
They were my number one priority, besides my own issues which stemmed from the ex's cheating. Those issues, by the by, got resolved with the help of friends, family and some counseling. So yeah, that's over and done with.
I have no issue in communicating with our girls. None whatsoever. Anything else? They can understand it just fine. There's never been any fighting, no yelling, no nonsensical teenage rebellion (thus far), no tantrums thrown and so on. Pretty great, right? Except this whole thing. They know about her cheating on me, and it was their mother in fact who told them about it, some three years ago or so. I imagine she's been feeding them some kind of bullshit since then and I've asked her countless times to stop with it, that it wasn't helping anyone, that it only prevented them from moving on.
But the ex-wife didn't stop, she apparently just got subtler about it.
In all the years since we divorced, she hasn't dated or slept with anyone else. While I suppose she thinks that admirable, I don't.
To be honest, I find it kind of insulting. When we were married, she fucked someone else, but now she's just fine going without sex for seven years?
Whatever. Not that it matters.
While I could ignore the occasional mentions of their mother, of how well she looks, of them showing me photos they took with her, obviously all dolled up for my sake, it's gotten worse lately. Why? Because I have a girlfriend. Clemence is not the first since the divorce, but she is the most serious relationship I had since my marriage ended. She also happens to be eight years my junior. Before getting together as a couple, we knew each other for four years through a shared hobby. So basically it was a gradual transition from being friends to being involved with each other. I can honestly say I love this woman. It was a surprise to me when I realized that, because while I didn't really want to admit it to myself, I was afraid for a time that what my ex-wife did to me damaged me on some fundamental level and rendered me incapable of ever truly loving someone else, like I once did her.
Initially, my daughters had very little to say about our relationship, much like they didn't comment anything on the previous two I had post-divorce.
But then they started coming home (ahead of the schedule we set up in advance) and they'd find me and Clemence together (nothing compromising, not sex or anything of the sort). Then came the grumbling. Then came the "Why is she here?" question. Then came "It's not fair to mom what you're doing," as if I was actually doing this solely to spite or hurt their mother. So I sat them down and talked. And I talked and I talked, but they're just not getting it.
They simply won't give up on this preposterous fantasy of theirs where I get back with their mother.
Clemence, thank God, has been understanding and isn't upset by their behavior. She's basically saying to give them time, but I kind of doubt that will work. It hasn't so far, so I have no idea why more time would change anything.
Anyway, since I'm really all out of ideas, I figured I might as well ask you folks here if any one of you might have an idea how to handle this.
Is there even a way, an approach of any sort, that could work on my daughters realizing I will not, under any circumstances, get back with their mother?
Edit: more information.
tl;dr Wife cheated, became ex-wife. Our daughters keep trying to talk me into getting back together and aren't listening to a word I say about it never happening. They started acting grouchy and resentful recently once they realized that my relationship with another woman has turned very serious. Do I play the waiting game and hope they mature past this kind of behavior or is there something I've overlooked, something I could do to make them understand that even without this person in my life, I will never get back with their mother?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]

You need a chat with your daughters.
You say that whilst your mother and you are good friends, and have worked together to give your daughters a stable upbringing, there is no way in hell you are getting back together. You should say that if their mother thinks or says anything to the contrary, it's not going to happen. You say you like Clemence and if things go the way you want them to, your future will be with her, not with their mother

OOP

Already did that, dozens of times.
It just doesn't seem to be reaching them at all.
At one point, that was about a year back, they asked me why I don't want to get back together with their mother. When I brought up her cheating, and I admit that at the time I wasn't sure if I should have done that but I honestly couldn't think of anything else, it turned out their mother had already told them about it several years back! They keep using the same approach every time of how she's faithful to me now. When I pointed out to them that she can't be faithful to me given that we're not together to begin with, they just ignore that.
I have talked with my ex-wife about this on numerous occasions, possibly a hundred times by now, about not bringing our adult lives and messing up our daughters'. In one ear and out the other, as they say. At one point, I admit, I even contemplated going to court for sole custody, but I was advised it would not work out well for me, so I dropped that approach.

~
[deleted]

Do your daughters know the reason why you divorced? Do they know your ex cheated on you? I don't ever favor telling young kids that, but your daughters are nearly adults. It seems they are laboring under some delusion about why the divorce happened (likely fed to them by their mother without your rebuttal). Perhaps setting the record straight on that regard might help. You don't have to be disrespectful about her; you can be factual and still get the point across.

OOP

Yes and yes. I actually tried telling them about it a year ago, only to find out that their mother told them several years back, when they were just a few months shy of turning 13. They know their mother cheated on me.
Now, here's the thing that I think is messing with their minds: they never saw their mother as anything but loving towards me or them. Or at least they don't remember it if they did see her acting coldly and distant with me.
During her affair, and yes it was an affair, not just a one-time thing (not that I wouldn't have divorced her either way), she was very much the opposite of loving in bedroom. They never really saw that, nor should they have. My approaches for intimacy were often rebuffed and I felt more and more dejected until one day I realized, with the help of a very close and very good friend, that there was nothing wrong with me and therefore something had to be wrong with her, which is what led me to discovering the affair, because I started looking for reasons why our love life had suddenly dropped so much in quality and quantity.
And it wasn't just sex. There were the small things missing from our daily lives too. I know it sounds silly, but we always kissed at the front door, in plain sight, before either of us went to work. That's something, that only now in retrospect became plain to see, that was missing.
Bottom line is, their mother denied me even the most basic of affections while giving it to someone else outside of our marriage.
To me, that's unforgivable.
They don't understand that, they couldn't, not even if I told them (which I rather wouldn't), and how hurtful it can be when you realize that your spouse didn't really give a damn about you all that much.
So all this? All the regret and remorse and pining for us to get back together? To me, it's worthless. What's the point? Where was all this supposed love and guilt and remorse when it should have mattered?

Update Apr 1, 2017
It's been a while since I was first here and I was reminded recently that I owed an update to the kind and good people here who helped me with our troubles.
A lot of things has happened. Among those things, my daughters actually stumbled across my post. I had no idea they even browsed Reddit, let alone this place. When I came home one day from work I found them crying. They pretty much jumped me, hugged me, wouldn't let me go and begged me to forgive them. Sadly, they had read one of my replies and found out the dreadful extent of my ex-wife's affair and how much it had devastated me.
It took us a while, but we got through it, as a family. There was nothing for me to forgive, they're still young and they love their mother, who took that love and used it to manipulate them. That's on her, not them. There was some much needed counseling, but after several months, the woman who was helping us heal and move on has said that nothing more needed to be done, and they should only check in with her once in a while, rather than continue their weekly sessions.
We're closer than we were before, but their relationship with their mother has suffered for it. Which I think is completely understandable, but I still cautioned them about lingering too much on what she did, since I had gotten over what she did all those years ago. That was something also resolved in counseling (both their own and our shared ones), so it's all behind us now.
I had a brief confrontation with my ex-wife about it and made it clear that she was to not talk about this getting back together nonsense any more with our daughters. I can't tell if it really got through to her, but my daughters have not been pestered about me since then. Or they simply ignore their mother and don't bring it up at home. Either way, so long as my daughters are doing fine, I could care less about what my ex-wife is doing.
Since the situation had improved, things had also become much better between my daughters and my girlfriend, so much that they actually started talking with her (rather than just exchange terse greetings and goodbyes), even occasionally asking for tips on something (girly stuff, of course), and I can't tell you how much it warmed my heart to see it happening for the first time.
I'll admit that also helped me push my thoughts in the direction of proposing to my girlfriend, who had been incredibly supporting and understanding through all of this. We had known each other for a long time now, spent so much time as a couple, and after all this mess, I didn't really think there was anything more I could to to express my love for her. However, I was beaten to the punch.
Two months ago, Clemence, together with my daughters, surprised me one day and proposed to me. I have to say that I felt very odd, but also very happy. Not just the proposal, but that my daughters had actually worked with my girlfriend on surprising me that day with dinner and a night out. To put it simply, I was blown away. It was a small and private ceremony, with only our closest friends and family attending. Currently, we're also expecting, and my daughters are looking forward to having a baby brother or sister to spoil.
tl;dr: My daughters had found my previous post and saw in one of the replies how deeply I was hurt by their mother's cheating. Asked for forgiveness, there was no need for it. We worked through our issues together, both at home and in some counseling, and we healed from it and got much better. Even their relationship with my girlfriend had improved, so much that one day they helped her arrange a nice night for us, where she proposed to me. We're married and currently expecting, with my daughters eagerly looking forward to having a younger sibling to spoil rotten.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Basically, for school, I had to submit a visual story for a public exhibit that was to be hosted at the school. But in order for it to actually make it into the exhibit you had to go through an anonymous panel of volunteers who were apparently people that “worked in the industry”.
The story I submitted was an interviewer, interviewing someone he knows about what it’s like to lose a loved one so he [the interviewer] could find out how to best deal with the approaching death of one of his [the interviewer’s] loved ones.
However, that’s not explicitly stated intentionally, for thematic purposes, [the theme being you don’t know what someone really goes through unless you can see past the surface and get to know them], and this fact of the purpose of the interview is only revealed subtly in the last 3 minutes of the 10 minute long story.
The audience is told explicitly the interviewer’s loved one has suffered multiple strokes. The last 3 minutes are an old interview between the interviewer and his loved one, before the loved one had strokes, talking about life and death. The visuals for this were representative of the interviewer’s internal struggle to take the wisdom he learned from his friend of trying to see the bright side and beauty of loss, and apply it to the situation with his loved one.
Ultimately, my story did not get chosen because of that, and the panel thought 10 minutes was too long for short stories. Even though the year prior, they let a kid submit a story that was 20 minutes long. Found out they were just stingy with time and made everyone cut theirs down to 8 minutes this year.
Was wondering if I was in the wrong because I tried to get a way to talk to the critic in an email today to my instructor, and was told that would not be possible in a very stern manner. And that I was “taking out of context” where the remark came from and that the people on the panel “work in the industry”.
IMO, I don’t care if it was Dr. Seuss saying the two events were unrelated it was still disrespectful from my view, for the critic to say that. If the critic said “I didn’t understand the connection between the two things and wish it was communicated better” I would have accepted that and that would have been a valid criticism.
But for him to have blankety stated the two interviews were unrelated and that it was a “disservice” to put both of those stories in the same short story. I thought wasn’t constructive at the least, and inflammatory and demeaning at worst.
Also, on the off chance that the critic is in this thread, you’re mean, lol.
AIW?

(and also how my teachers and friends saved my ass so many times🫶)
TL;DR at the end
NOTE: this is purely my own personal experience
to provide some bg info, in sec 1 i managed to barely sneak into an ip sec sch with one of the lowest cut off points - my psle score was literally 1 above the cop. by upper sec, i was failing all my subjects consistently (save for english) due to a slew of family problems and resultant mental health issues. i SHOULD have been retained in sec sch or forced to transfer to the o-level track bc i didn’t meet the promotion criteria to the affiliated jc, but my teachers chose to turn a blind eye and let me go on anyway. i was such a hopeless student (chronic absenteeism and outbursts) but in hindsight, i’m still grateful they made this concession for me because had i taken the o-levels, i probably wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere
in jc1 (2021), i never watched any lectures or did any tutorials. i was still just as hopeless as ever. anyone could tell i was still mentally unstable, still having family issues and that acads took a backseat in my mind. i didn’t have good relations with my teachers since i was such an unmotivated student. my support networks were non-existent (my closest friends were also struggling anyway). so it was not much surprise when by the end of the academic year, i had scored a measly 8.75rp (B in GP and U for everything else). still, instead of being directly retained, i was still given the chance to sit for some provisional advancement exams but ofc i failed da sht outta those anyway and actually got retained.
i think retaining made something click in my mind. despite all the past years of getting away with shit grades and not caring about school, i never truly suffered any “true” consequences since concessions were always made for me. but getting retained was now a tangible consequence i had to face. also, being placed into a new batch without the same faces from the past 5 years also helped me care less about people’s opinions and i could truly focus on myself. that said, i’m really grateful that it was in my jc that i retained. not sure how the support for retainees in other jcs are like, but i was put into a structured programme for retainees at the start of the year where we got to attend enrichment activities and head start lessons. also we were assigned to teachers that we could turn to for support :)
my family problems still persisted, sure, and school was still a scary place for me, but less than it had ever been. because i didn’t have pw or mt to worry about anymore, i also had a lot more free time in school. my friends who promoted shared lesson materials and answer keys with me, and also offered to teach me sometimes, which made getting through tutorials so much easier bc whenever i got stuck i knew i had help.
talking about external help, it really defined my retainee journey. i am immensely grateful to my friends and teachers who pushed me along. i was a pw slacker and i still got an A anyway bc my group mates carried… it’s something i still feel guilty about and i definitely didn’t deserve that A. i’m still friends with my pw mates till this day which im really grateful for. in my second jc1 year, because i actually started putting effort into my studies, it became much easier to build a rapport with my new teachers. moreover i think they had to keep an eye on me anyway since i was a retainee lol but i was able to form close relationships with them and they became an integral part of my support network as well :’)
in jc1 (2022) myes, i went into the exams with low expectations - maybe straight Ds and i would’ve been happy. i ended up scoring As for all my subjects except a B in one, which were completely unexpected since i only ever saw Us on my report slips. this kickstarted a “virtuous cycle” for me and i began to take pride in my academics. by the end of my second jc1 year, i had attained a perfect score in my second round of promotional examinations!! my friends and teachers were all really proud of me and i was really happy at that point in time :)
i also began to get more opportunities in school, like leadership positions and the chance to participate in competitions or lead events since i finally had my sht together. these all helped me with my portfolio building as well :’)
around a levels period, smth rly disruptive happened at home and i thought that perhaps the past 2 years of work would come crashing down. it was hard to study at home w everything that was going on. i left every paper unconfident. at that point, i was aiming for a pretty competitive uni course which was kind of unrealistic since i was a retainee, but i dared to dream big and since i had finally pulled myself together i thought that there was no harm in trying. however i thought my a levels score wouldn’t end up making the cut since i felt like my papers all went rly badly ;-;
for the 3 months between my last paper and a level results release, i avoided thinking about my score as much as possible. i kept all my notes and tutorials in case i ended up having to retake my a levels. on the day itself, i didn’t even show up to school to collect my results in person as i was so convinced that i had done badly and that i would end up crying in front of my classmates and teachers. in fact i even waited until the next day to open my results online. but lo and behold, i had attained a perfect score. i was so elated that i could actually apply for the course i wanted :’)
fast forward through the months, i submitted my applications and personal statements + portfolio and my teachers’ referee reports, received my interview invites, went for them, and then received my acceptances from the two local universities offering the degree i wanted. :’) everything truly worked out the best way they could have. circling back to the topic of help, i received a lot of support from my teachers and even reddit strangers during my uni applications haha
and that’s why, in retrospect, retaining was truly the best thing that could have happened to me. i don’t think it’d be far-fetched to say that it literally changed the trajectory of my life. i learned how to have a proper work ethic, took away a strong support network of friends and teachers, and honed important skills like leadership. i still cringe when i think about how much of a problem student i used to be, but it is only because i let things ever get that bad that now i know how important it is to stay on track.
i’m really grateful that as much as retaining is a taboo subject in jc, that i wasn’t discriminated against for having been a retainee. it might seem weird and like im making “retainee” my whole brand, but it was truly a turning point in my life and i wear it like a badge of honour almost.
i’m now excitedly waiting for uni to start in august. ٩( ᐛ )و
TL;DR: retaining helped me gain a proper work ethic and form a strong support network. my mental health also improved by leaps and bounds. i ended up scoring well at the a levels and was accepted into my desired uni course. so quite literally, retaining changed the trajectory of my life for the better🫶

1. Dreadpunk:

Dear Writer,
Emphasize a sense of dread and unease within a gothic horror narrative within a letter. Craft an atmospheric and chilling story that immerses readers in a world where fear and apprehension lurk in every shadow, creating an unsettling and haunting experience.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Decopunk:

Dear Writer,
Set your narrative in the Art Deco era within a letter. Explore the sleek design, glamour, and distinctive aesthetics of this period, incorporating these elements into the characters' lives and surroundings to create a visually striking and stylish world.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Dying Earth Subgenre:

Dear Writer,
Immerse characters in the last days of a dying world within a letter. Portray a world on the brink of collapse, with a pervasive sense of decay and decline that shapes the characters' experiences and actions as they navigate a fading existence.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Mannerpunk:

Dear Writer,
Focus on manners, social structures, and etiquette within a fantastical setting within a letter. Craft a narrative that revolves around societal norms, manners, and the complexities of social structures, exploring how these elements shape characters' interactions and aspirations.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Slipstream:

Dear Writer,
Blur the boundaries between mainstream and speculative fiction within a letter. Create a narrative that incorporates elements of the surreal and the unusual, challenging readers' perceptions of reality through a blend of unconventional storytelling.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Cattlepunk:

Dear Writer,
Incorporate advanced technology and cattle-centric themes within a western-inspired narrative within a letter. Explore a world where technological innovations and cattle-related elements shape characters' lives, societal dynamics, or conflicts in this unique setting.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Oceanpunk:

Dear Writer,
Feature maritime and underwater settings with a focus on oceanic technology within a letter. Transport characters to a world where ocean-based technology and seafaring adventures play a central role, shaping their experiences amidst the vastness of the seas.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Dolphin Poetry:

Dear Writer,
Craft poetry inspired by or featuring dolphins as a prominent theme within a collection of verses. Dive into the elegance, beauty, and mystique of dolphins, weaving their essence into poetic imagery that captivates the reader's imagination.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Cat Poetry:

Dear Writer,
Compose poetry centered around cats as a significant subject within a collection of verses. Capture the enigmatic charm, grace, and whimsy of cats in your poetry, painting vivid pictures through words that celebrate these captivating feline creatures.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

DAY: MAY 31 2024
5-31-2024

RESEARCH SUGGESTS LEADERS’ SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS ARE TAKEN JUST AS SERIOUSLY AS FORMAL STATEMENTS

Over 180 world leaders maintain social media accounts, and some of them issue policy warnings to rivals and the public on these platforms rather than relying on traditional government statements. How seriously do people take such social media postings? A new study suggests the general public and policymakers alike take leaders’ social media posts just as seriously as they take formal government statements. The research, by MIT political scientists, deploys novel surveys of both the public and experienced foreign policy specialists. “What we find, which is really surprising, across both
5-31-2024

SCALE OF ONLINE HARM TO CHILDREN REVEALED IN GLOBAL STUDY

More than 300 million children a year are victims of online sexual exploitation and abuse, research indicates. Pupils in every classroom, in every school, in every country are victims of this hidden pandemic, according to researchers who have conducted the first global estimate of the scale of the crisis. The statistics, from the Childlight Global Child Safety Institute at the University of Edinburgh, amount to a clear and present danger to the world’s children, according to the crime agency Interpol. Online risks One in eight of the world’s children, about
5-31-2024

PRONATALISM IS THE LATEST SILICON VALLEY TREND. WHAT IS IT—AND WHY IS IT DISTURBING?

For Malcolm and Simone Collins, declining birth rates across many developed countries are an existential threat. The solution is to have “tons of kids,” and to use a hyperrational, data-driven approach to guide everything from genetic selection to baby names and day-to-day parenting. They don’t heat their Pennsylvania home in winter, because heating is a “pointless indulgence.” Their children wear iPads around their necks. And a Guardian journalist witnessed Malcolm strike their two-year-old across the face for misbehavior, a parenting style they apparently developed based on watching “tigers
5-31-2024

HOW SCIENCE, MATH, AND TECH CAN PROPEL SWIMMERS TO NEW HEIGHTS

One hundred years ago, in the 1924 Paris Olympics, American Johnny Weissmuller won the men’s 100m freestyle with a time of 59 seconds. Nearly 100 years later, in the most recent Olympics, the delayed 2020 Games in Tokyo, Caeleb Dressel took home the same event with a time that was 12 seconds faster than Weissmuller’s. Swimming times across the board have become much faster over the past century, a result of several factors, including innovations
5-31-2024

BANNING SEX CRIME OFFENDERS FROM CHANGING THEIR NAMES DOESN’T MAKE US SAFER

The government of British Columbia recently introduced a bill to ban people convicted of serious offenses from legally changing their name. The proposed amendment to the province’s Name Act would also prohibit those found not criminally responsible due to mental disorder from changing their name. The government announced the move after media reports that Allan Schoenborn legally changed his name to Ken Johnson. Schoenborn was found not criminally responsible for the deaths of his children in 2010 because of a delusional disorder, and was placed at a psychiatric hospital.
5-31-2024

SILICON VALLEY ISN’T THE START-UP UTOPIA WE THOUGHT, RESEARCH FINDS

Silicon Valley—considered the world’s hub of technology and innovation—can breed inequality and sameness among budding entrepreneurs, according to new research. Behind the multi-million-dollar deals and tales of start-up utopia, Silicon Valley’s “uneven” investment landscape is in fact a barrier to many budding businesses, says the study from the University of Stirling and Georg-August-University Göttingen. But the researchers suggest other countries could still learn from the more discerning entrepreneurial ecosystem that bred giants such as Apple and Google, to be more selective in backing start-ups. While it is not uncommon for
5-31-2024

I WANT TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE FROM ABUSE—BUT RESEARCH TELLS ME I’M DOING IT WRONG

Child sexual abuse is uncomfortable to think about, much less talk about. The idea of an adult engaging in sexual behaviors with a child feels sickening. It’s easiest to believe that it rarely happens, and when it does, that it’s only to children whose parents aren’t protecting them. This belief stayed with me during my early days as a parent. I kept an eye out for creepy men at the playground and was skeptical of men who worked with young children, such as teachers and coaches. When my kids were
5-31-2024

OVER 300 MILLION YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCED ONLINE SEXUAL ABUSE, EXPLOITATION, FINDS METASTUDY

It takes a lot to shock Kelvin Lay. My friend and colleague was responsible for setting up Africa’s first dedicated child exploitation and human trafficking units, and for many years he was a senior investigating officer for the Child Exploitation Online Protection Center at the UK’s National Crime Agency, specializing in extra territorial prosecutions on child exploitation across the globe. But what happened when he recently volunteered for a demonstration of cutting-edge identification software left him speechless. Within seconds of being fed with an image
5-31-2024

CYBERFLASHING IS A FORM OF GENDERED SEXUAL VIOLENCE THAT MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

Sexting—sending sexually suggestive or explicit messages and images—is now a widespread practice, and can be a healthy way to express and explore sexuality. However, there is a need to distinguish between consensual sexting and forms of sexual harassment like cyberflashing. Cyberflashing refers to the act of non-consensually sending sexual imagery (like nudes or “dick pics”) to another person. It is facilitated through communications technologies including text, AirDrop and social media applications like Snapchat and Tinder. Similar to flashing—when a person unexpectedly and deliberately “flashes” their genitals to others—that occurs in
5-31-2024

VIRTUAL TRAINING MAY BE AN EFFECTIVE, COST-EFFICIENT OPTION FOR CHILD EDUCATORS

Teachers and other child educators can benefit from regular professional development, but in-person training can be expensive. New research found that virtual training can be a budget-friendly alternative—and especially effective for certain groups of educators. The study—a collaboration between researchers at Penn State and the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and published in the International Journal of Professional Development, Learners and Learning—found that educators who took a virtual training reported feeling more confident in their abilities to implement practices shown to support positive youth development. In particular, after-school providers who did not
5-31-2024

HUMBLE LEADERS BOOST EMPLOYEES’ WORKPLACE STATUS AND LEADERSHIP POTENTIAL, FINDS STUDY

There are many different types of workplace leaders, from those who prioritize the needs of team members and the organization above their own, to authentic leaders who foster openness, trust and transparency. A recent study by the University of South Australia published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior has highlighted the significant benefits of humble leadership in the workplace. According to the study by UniSA’s Dr. Xiao Lin, humble leadership can effectively elevate the workplace status of employees by boosting their sense of respect and prominence. It also leads to
5-31-2024

WHY ARE GROCERY BILLS SO HIGH? A NEW STUDY LOOKS AT THE SCIENCE BEHIND FOOD PRICE REPORTING

Rising food costs are squeezing Canadians around the country. Nearly everyone is feeling the pinch, and it’s not just an inconvenience—high food prices are a major threat to food security for many Canadians. Understanding why food prices are so high and why they are changing is critical to the well-being of our society. Unfortunately, consensus on why food price are so high is in short supply. Explanations given in reports like Canada’s Food Price Report and the news media range widely, from the war in Ukraine to supply chain issues
5-31-2024

WILL GENERATIVE AI CHANGE THE WAY UNIVERSITIES COMMUNICATE?

Is artificial intelligence an unprecedented opportunity, or will it rob everyone of jobs and creativity? As we debate on social media (and perhaps use ChatGPT almost daily), generative AIs have also entered the arena of university communication. These tools—based on large language models that were optimized for interactive communication—can indeed support, expand, and innovate university communication offerings. Justus Henke has analyzed the situation of German realities about six months after the launch of ChatGPT 3. “The research was conducted about a year ago when enthusiasm was high, but it was
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS RELATIVELY LOW NUMBER OF SUPERSPREADERS RESPONSIBLE FOR LARGE PORTION OF MISINFORMATION ON TWITTER

Classification of superspreader accounts. A large portion (55.1%) of accounts are no longer active. For each class annotated with political affiliations, colors indicate the ideological split. The last group aggregates all accounts with political affiliations. Credit: PLOS ONE (2024). DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0302201 A small team of social media analysts at Indiana University has found that a major portion of tweets spreading disinformation are sent by a surprisingly small percentage of a given userbase. In their study, published in PLOS ONE, the group conducted a review of 2,397,388 tweets posted on Twitter
5-31-2024

HOW LIFE’S BIG MOMENTS CAN CHALLENGE STARTUPS

Life-changing events like the birth of a child, the purchase of a new home, or a lottery win could threaten the survival of a new business venture, the positive family events had a comparatively greater influence, albeit negatively, on the survival of a new venture, compared with
5-31-2024

RUDE AT WORK? FEELING GUILTY CAN MAKE YOU A BETTER, KINDER WORKER

We’ve all done it. A bad night’s sleep or a tough commute made us cranky, and we lashed out at a coworker who did nothing wrong. What can we do to make up for it? According to a new study published in the Journal of Business Ethics, embracing our guilty feelings can help us make up for our bad behavior by encouraging us to act more politely and work harder the next day. “We found that anyone can be rude at work, because anyone can
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS INTRODUCE A PLANETARY INCLUSION SCALE TO FOSTER BROADER ETHICAL THINKING

Social inclusion and having a sense of belonging with other people are key elements of a good life. However, the fate of humanity is a challenge that extends beyond our social reality. Experiences of belonging and inclusion, understood in a broader sense than before, may be crucial for a sustainable future. In an article published in the International Journal of Social Pedagogy, a team of researchers propose a new planetary inclusion scale that structures our planetary relationship three-dimensionally based on temporal, spatial and ethical orientation. The temporal element relates to
5-31-2024

‘LEAN IN’ MESSAGES CAN LOWER WOMEN’S MOTIVATION TO PROTEST GENDER INEQUALITY

Women in leadership are often told to “Lean In,” designed to be motivational messaging demonstrating that they are more confident, strategic and resilient to setback. However, new research indicates that such “lean in” messaging can hinder women’s motivation to protest gender equality. Popularized in a book by American technology executive Sherly Sandberg, the “Lean In” solution to gender inequality advises women that demonstrating personal resilience and perseverance in the face of setbacks is key to career advancement. Now, a new study led by the University of Exeter, Bath Spa University
5-31-2024

ALGORITHMS COULD HELP IMPROVE JUDICIAL DECISIONS

A new paper in the Quarterly Journal of Economics finds that replacing certain judicial decision-making functions with algorithms could improve outcomes for defendants by eliminating some of the systemic biases of judges. Decision makers make consequential choices based on predictions of unknown outcomes. Judges, in particular, make decisions about whether to grant bail to defendants or how to sentence those convicted. Companies now use machine learning based models increasingly in high-stakes decisions. There are various assumptions about human behavior underlying the deployment of such learning models that play out in
5-31-2024

DIGITAL CAMPAIGNING IS A HUGE PART OF ELECTIONS NOW—BUT GOING VIRAL ISN’T EVERYTHING

The election has commenced and the race is on—to amass as many likes, shares and comments as possible. Digital campaigning, particularly through social media, is now a key part of political candidates’ communication toolkit. In fact, every general election campaign since 1997 has at some point been lauded as the first to make effective use of digital campaigning. But it was in 2015 that David Cameron’s campaign first made strategic use of social media to drive an election victory. As political reporter Tim Ross outlines in his excellent book, Why
5-31-2024

WHY ARE ORGANIZATIONAL COVER-UPS SO COMMON?

The TV dramatization of the UK Horizon Post Office scandal evoked outrage and disbelief. However, as another example of dysfunctional organizational behavior, it was expected rather than exceptional. The Post Office saga joins a long list of cover-ups or scandals that includes Hillsborough, Enron, Grenfell, the infected blood scandal, the Tuam babies scandal in the Republic of Ireland, Boeing 737 Max and Nasa (Columbia space shuttle). They represent what happens when there is a move within organizations and institutions to cover up the causes of
5-31-2024

AMONG GEN Z AUSTRALIANS, 38% IDENTIFY AS SPIRITUAL AND HALF BELIEVE IN KARMA. WHY IS SPIRITUALITY SO POPULAR?

Spirituality is increasingly popular with young Australians: recent research shows 38% of Gen Z Australians identify as spiritual. It also reports 50% of them believe in karma, 29% in reincarnation and 20% in astrology. When it comes to activities equated with spirituality, 28% of Gen Z Australians practice meditation and 22% practice yoga. In Australia, spirituality is strongly, enduringly central to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, and culturally and religiously diverse communities. Yet until recently, spirituality has received far less attention than religion. Spirituality may be
5-31-2024

COMPANIES CAN IMPROVE THE SUSTAINABILITY OF THEIR PRODUCTS IN THE EARLIEST PRODUCT-DESIGN STAGES

An interdisciplinary team of researchers from Lithuanian and Italian universities propose a tool that allows companies to assess the circularity of their future products. The self-assessment tool emphasizes the co-creation of circular design in the early (creative) stages of product development, encouraging entrepreneurs and designers to think more systematically and collaborate better by integrating related stakeholders into the product development process. The study is published in the Journal of Industrial Ecology. “The majority of existing practical tools (systems of indicators) are aimed at measuring the environmental impact of products already
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

HOW THE ‘MODEL MINORITY’ MYTH HARMS ASIAN AMERICANS

May is Asian and Pacific American Heritage Month, a time when Americans celebrate the profound contributions of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders—a group that is commonly abbreviated as AAPI—to U.S. society. It’s also a time to acknowledge the complexity of AAPI experience. And as a professor who studies equity and inclusion in business, I think the focus on AAPI communities this month provides an excellent occasion to push back against a stereotype that has long misrepresented and marginalized a diverse range of people: the myth of the “model minority.” The
5-31-2024

WONDERING HOW TO TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT CONSENT? HERE’S AN AGE-BASED GUIDE TO GET YOU STARTED

The Australian government’s new campaign Consent Can’t Wait challenges us all to improve our understanding of consent. It asks a series of questions to illustrate this issue is more complex than simplistic “no means no” messaging. The campaign invites viewers to consider the nuances of consent, so we can raise these important issues with children and young people in our lives. But what is a good age to start talking about consent? How do parents tackle such conversations when this information probably wasn’t readily discussed in our own upbringing? How
5-31-2024

A PRODUCT OF NATURE OR NURTURE?

The concept of cultural entrepreneurship has many facets. It encompasses both the cultural and social impact of entrepreneurial training, and the environmental factors that influence its development. Some societies, such as the U.S., have a strong entrepreneurial culture. This means that certain characteristics are celebrated and encouraged, such as the ability of individuals to assume risks, patience when confronting challenges, and innovative problem solving, especially in uncertain situations. However, not all countries have such an entrepreneurial culture. Entrepreneurship struggles to take off in Europe In general, entrepreneurship can drive economic
5-31-2024

STUDY BRIDGES ANIMAL BEHAVIOR RESEARCH AND COMPUTER CODING TO ENGAGE CHILDREN IN STEM

A graphic depicting a student coding. Credit: Carnegie Mellon University Teachers today face a bit of a conundrum, according to a new study from researchers at Carnegie Mellon University and the Rochester Institute of Technology. Their goal is to prepare young students to enter a rapidly changing world. Even basic jobs require technical proficiency, which requires computational and analytical skills. To address this need, many educators are pushing to fold these important STEM skills into elementary curriculum. Here’s the problem. Young students can lose interest and even develop an aversion
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS VR CAN HELP TEACHERS BETTER DISTRIBUTE THEIR GAZE

On the left, a bird’s-eye view of the virtual classroom; on the right, screenshots of each of the four gaze-visualization conditions. Teachers need to know their material, but they must also keep their students engaged and interested. Part of that involves making eye contact with their students—all of them. A multidisciplinary team of researchers tested several methods of data visualization in an immersive virtual reality (VR) classroom, to give teachers a way to gauge
5-31-2024

MARKETERS CAN MANAGE ‘FEATURE CREEP’ SO CONSUMERS FEEL LESS INTIMIDATED BY TOO MANY FEATURES IN A PRODUCT

Wifi-enabled washing machines. Voice-controlled microwaves. App-enabled TVs, vacuum cleaners, and even window blinds you can control from the comfort of your couch. Many of the technological features now included in everyday products are useful and accessible. But research has shown that having too many can overwhelm potential buyers, making them less likely to make a purchase. In recent research, Wayne Hoyer, marketing professor and James L. Bayless/William S. Farrish Fund Chair for Free Enterprise at Texas McCombs, digs into the phenomenon of “feature creep” and its impact on consumer sentiment.
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS EXPLAIN SOCIAL MEDIA’S ROLE IN RAPIDLY SHIFTING SOCIAL NORMS ON GENDER AND SEXUALITY

A new paper summarizing decades of research demonstrates how social media has supported an explosion of diversity in gender and sexuality in America during the 21st century, and also how these technologies have equally enabled a cultural backlash. The paper’s authors, UC Santa Cruz Psychology Department faculty members Phil Hammack and Adriana Manago, identified five main narratives about gender and sexuality that they believe emerged through social media as people have strived to be “authentic” on these platforms. The findings, along with resulting recommendations for psychology researchers and practitioners, were
5-31-2024

KEY FACTORS IN TRAINING ASSESSORS FOR ENHANCED PERFORMANCE RATINGS

New research is examining how organizations can improve their training programs by customizing frame-of-reference training to emphasize identifying negative behaviors critical to their goals. While assessors naturally identify positive behaviors, C. Allen Gorman, Ph.D., associate professor in UAB’s Department of Management, Information Systems and Quantitative Methods, says targeted training helps them recognize harmful actions that can hinder organizational objectives. Involving assessors in defining important performance dimensions and examples of behaviors, both good and
5-31-2024

STUDIES CHALLENGE WIDELY HELD BELIEFS ON APPLICANT DIVERSITY AND WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE

Justin Frake is interested in cause-and-effect relationships in real-world data and the hidden dynamics that shape workplace behavior and equality—or inequality, as the case might be. His curiosity has led to research that challenges some popular beliefs as well as published studies related to women in the workforce. One study shows that firms promoting flatter hierarchies inadvertently discourage female applicants and another study counters several recent studies that claim women CEOs negatively impact career outcomes of other women. Both are published in the Strategic Management Journal. The assistant professor of
5-31-2024

CHALLENGING LEWIN’S MOTIVATIONAL CONFLICTS THEORY

A recent series of experiments challenges the longstanding theory of motivational conflict resolution introduced by Kurt Lewin. According to Lewin, conflicts between two undesirable outcomes (avoidance–avoidance conflicts) are typically harder to resolve than those between two desirable ones (approach–approach conflicts). Lewin posited that avoidance–avoidance conflicts, where individuals must choose between two undesirable outcomes, are typically more challenging to resolve compared to approach–approach conflicts, which involve choosing between two desirable options.
5-31-2024

MEN WITH ‘TOXIC MASCULINITY’ ARE MORE LIKELY TO MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES WITHOUT CONSENT, STUDY FINDS

No means no when it comes to sex. But what happens when a woman makes a more passive response to a sexual advance? According to new research from Binghamton University, men differ in how they interpret these types of responses, and men who display hostile masculinity, known commonly as “toxic masculinity,” tend to act on them regardless of whether or not they think it’s consensual. A team of researchers, including Binghamton psychology professor Richard Mattson and graduate student Michael Shaw asked men between the ages of 18–25 to respond to
5-31-2024

WHY WE DEHUMANIZE OUR POLITICAL OPPONENTS

Some of human history’s greatest atrocities—genocide, slavery, ethnic cleanings—are rooted in our ability to dehumanize people from other social, political, or cultural groups. Whereas prior research has traced dehumanization to the belief that others think or feel less than we do, new research co-authored by Haas professor Sameer Srivastava shows that our tendency to dehumanize can also be influenced by how we think others view important facets of the world. The greater the difference between our perceptions of an outgroup’s worldview
5-31-2024

STUDY SUGGESTS CHILDREN ARE OFTEN EXPOSED TO PROBLEMATIC CLICK BAIT DURING YOUTUBE SEARCHES

When a child peruses YouTube, the content recommended to them is not always age appropriate, a new study suggests. Researchers mimicked search behaviors of children using popular search terms, such as memes, Minecraft and Fortnite, and captured video thumbnails recommended at the end of each video. Among the 2,880 thumbnails analyzed, many contained problematic click bait, such as violence or frightening images, according to the Michigan Medicine led research in JAMA Network Open. “Children spend a significant amount of time on free video sharing platforms that include user-generated content,” said
5-31-2024

STUDY FINDS WOMEN ARE VULNERABLE IN POST-WAR PEACE PROCESSES

Post-war peace processes are a dangerous period for women. Many are forced to live close to men who committed serious abuse during the war or are expected to testify in various types of truth commissions, which can be both retraumatizing and stigmatizing. These are the findings of a new study by peace researchers at Uppsala University, published in the journal PLOS ONE. “In short, peace projects can force women to live side by side with ex-combatants who committed atrocities during the war. This puts them at risk of further threat
5-31-2024

HOW EMBRACING THE CRINGE CAN HELP YOUR DATING LIFE

We can all agree that dating is hard. Getting to know people can feel vulnerable, but at the same time, exciting. We can also agree that feeling rejected can be one of the worst feelings, especially after we put ourselves out there. Dating can also expose us to a lot of cringey things, maybe even something we didn’t know we’d consider cringey. Think of cringe like something that makes you uncomfortable, or something about someone else that you don’t find attractive. Before dating, most of us consider what we’re looking
5-31-2024

PERSONAL CONNECTIONS AT WORK POSITIVELY IMPACT RETENTION AND MENTAL HEALTH, SAYS REPORT

New survey results from Wiley suggest people still feel connected at work despite the prevalence of hybrid and remote work environments and the rise of artificial intelligence (AI). According to the latest Wiley Workplace Intelligence report, “Human Connection: The Crucial Secret to Thriving in the Digital Age,” nearly 8 in 10 employees surveyed (78%) said they feel connected with their coworkers, and almost 7 in 10 (69%) said they also enjoy making connections with their colleagues. Around half even said they want to learn more about their coworkers by doing
5-31-2024

RESEARCHER DEVELOPS MODEL OF INFLUENCER IMPORTANCE WITHIN INSTAGRAM NETWORKS

A study has provided new insights into social media influencers, particularly focusing on those in the women’s fashion sector on the well-known image and video sharing platform Instagram. In a departure from the approach taken by earlier studies, Jens K. Perret of the International School of Management in Cologne, Germany, has used network statistics and centrality measures to establish a model of influencer importance within their network. Perret analyzed data from 255 influencers covering a four-year period. Influencers are loosely
5-31-2024

MOST PEOPLE TRUST ACCURATE SEARCH RESULTS WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH, STUDY FINDS

Rank (X-axis) does not affect the evaluation of trustworthiness (Y-axis, mean-centered) of accurate results. This lack of relationship is robust across experiments (columns) and for clicked results (top row, red) as well as non-clicked results (bottom row, blue). The trend lines represent the predicted change in trustworthiness ratings per unit decrease in rank fitted by the linear regression models. Credit: Scientific Reports (2024). DOI: 10.1038/s41598-024-61645-8 Using experiments with COVID-19 related queries, Cornell sociology and information science researchers found that in a public health emergency, most people pick out and click
5-31-2024

MISLEADING COVID-19 HEADLINES FROM MAINSTREAM SOURCES DID MORE HARM ON FACEBOOK THAN FAKE NEWS, STUDY FINDS

Despite the greater potency of “fake news” on Facebook to discourage Americans from taking the COVID-19 vaccine, users’ greater exposure to unflagged, vaccine-skeptical content meant the latter had a much greater negative effect on vaccine uptake. Credit: Jennifer Allen, Duncan Watts, David G. Rand Since the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccine in 2021, fake news on social media has been widely blamed for low vaccine uptake in the United States—but research by MIT Sloan School of Management Ph.D. candidate Jennifer Allen and Professor David Rand finds that the blame lies
5-31-2024

CRITICAL DIALOGUE HELPS STRAIGHT MEN CONFRONT SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC BELIEFS

Adult heterosexual men with sexist and homophobic views can potentially improve their attitudes toward gay men and women by engaging in critical dialogues that use illustrations as a springboard, according to a new University of Michigan study. The work is published in the journal Sexual and Gender Diversity in Social Services. The process by which people shift from a prejudicial stance to one of relative acceptance is a key innovation of the study. Guided by trained facilitators, critical dialogues reflect illustrations depicting different gender roles and sexual identities. The images
5-31-2024

RELIEVING A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

If you dread public speaking you are not alone. It is a leading social phobia, one that can cause a state of anxiety that reduces otherwise articulate people to nervous incoherence. A strong fear of public speaking is known as glossophobia. Academic studies estimate it affects 20% of the population, but depending on the sample and methodology, the figure could be as high as 40%. As American writer and humourist Mark Twain said, “There are two types of speakers: Those who get nervous and those who are liars.” But help
5-31-2024

HOW SOME PRIVATE COMPANIES ARE MARKETING TECH AND AI SOLUTIONS

How do universities and colleges decide who to admit? Given the earnings advantage of a post-secondary degree both globally and in Canada, this is an important social mobility question. While the answer varies from one institution to the next, most focus on education criteria like exam scores and grades. However, Canada’s new intake cap on study permit applications puts increased pressure on Canadian institutions to also consider immigration criteria when admitting international undergraduate students. This is just the latest example of immigration’s growing influence on the societal roles of Canadian

I(19M) need advice on how to go bout this situation with her(20M)
Hey there! Hope y'all are doing well. I recently met this girl through my best friend and we first met at a Pooja at my bestfriend's house. She was dating back then and then we just started texting out of the blue. Soon enough, she broke up with him and we started texting vigorously once again. We started flirting with each other and we hit it off and eventually i confessed to her over text to which she reciprocated positively and we began dating. Initially she showed the same enthusiasm as I did while we first started off but then later she said she wanted to go slow to which I agreed. I tend to get attached too quickly to someone and I feel I came off as overwhelming. I want to prioritise her comfort and I agreed with her right away. Skip to 15 days after, I return from Kerala (I had gone there for a vacation and i live in thane and she lives in Dombivli ) and we decided to meet up. It went really well and i quite enjoyed it. We saw a movie, went to a nice restaurant, hung out at a garden and she eventually went back home. The next day she texted me this: "It's just that on text it gets overwhelming at times, but it's manageable because I can just come back to it taking my own time. Although in person, even though you are exactly the same as you are one text, for me, it's even more overwhelming. You are very sweet, but I'm just not ready for any of it, honestly, and i don't wanna snap at you unnecessarily . For me to figure out everything, I need my space. In the mean time I don't want you to get way too attached, this marriage and kids and sex and future planning is fun and wholesome when you're actually there mentally..I'm merely able to digest the reality of all of it. Don't get me wrong, it's very adorable, but I don't see it the way you do. I love planning about the future, but in this case, I'm not even sure about relationships and intimacy in the first place."
I was slightly upset but like i said her comfort mattered quite a bit to me and i asked her to take all the time and space she needs and i also apologised in advance if there was anything i was doing from my end to make her feel uncomfortable. We didn't talk much after partially because she was busy and I was scared that i was losing her to which she responded: "I know these couple of days we haven't really talked as such, but it's not that I'm mad or cutting you off or anything. It's actually nothing of that sort. And I know I am very chaotic .. but just bare with me for a while. I sometimes like to just do me, and it may seem like I'm being distant, but I'm just simply trying to hang in there..so when it gets too much to deal with..like when my own stuff is a lot to deal with, I might take time off of everything. For introspection and just normally living life and also because I absolutely love my me time. I'm telling you all this because I really need you to understand that , it's just how I am and that you don't need to worry about it."
Please help me out as to what I'm supposed to make out of this situation and how should I proceed. What are some things I should keep in mind while giving space? Do y'all think there's any hope here? Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this and i hope you have a wonderful day!
TL;DR:
Met a girl through a friend, started texting, and began dating after she broke up with her boyfriend. Things went well initially but she wanted to take it slow. After a date, she expressed feeling overwhelmed by the intensity and needed space to figure things out. She reassured me she wasn't cutting me off but needed time for herself. I'm unsure how to proceed, wanting to respect her need for space while hoping for a future together. Looking for advice on managing this situation and if there's hope for the relationship.

Met someone who did this. They applied to an advanced position for DR after completing an entire IM residency, then started as an R1. Is this common?

My experience as a patient at Cherry Hill Women’s Center NJ with a D&E abortion at 13w6d pregnant.
TLDR; very very kind staff, clean environment, professional clinic setup, 4 hour process, overall great experience as a patient.
My backstory: I’m over 30, married for over 10 years and have never had a pregnancy before. I have always been told by my doctors that i would never be able to get pregnant. I’m on multiple medications that can cause severe birth defects and i was not aware that i was pregnant until i was 12w5d. I had no idea how far along i may have been because i didn’t note any pregnancy symptoms except for tender nipples and vomiting a week prior to taking a test. I have always had a very inconsistent period and had frequent spotting on a regular basis. I had an US done & measured at 13w0days & was able to schedule this procedure for 6 days later so this abortion was done at 13w6days.
Emotionally this was very hard for me. I reconciled the fact that i would never be pregnant as a very young teenager. My husband and I decided not to pursue having children at the very beginning of our relationship and he still does not want to be a father. Initially I was very afraid to tell him that i was pregnant because i was afraid that him knowing i was pregnant would change his feelings about having children and that he would hate me for taking this away from him. I’m very fortunate in that he was resolute in his decision to not have children and he’s been absolutely incredible through this whole process. He said he would support me if i wanted to keep it but my medical reasons for wanting to terminate were valid and he was in full agreement that life is hard enough and intentionally bringing a deformed/disabled child into the world when life is already so hard just wasn’t the choice for us. He has been my absolute rock through all of this.
I did a lot of research prior to my appointment and I’m not going to lie, there are a lot of bad reviews on google that had me extremely nervous, making me feel like i was going to be walking into a back alley abortion and i was terrified that i wouldn’t be able to bring my husband with me for this whole experience. There is so much anti abortion propaganda out there and there are a lot of videos designed to make you feel like you are a bad person for “murdering babies” and trying to scare you out of going forward with the procedure, but if this procedure is the right decision for you, this place is the right choice to go to. Everyone is kind and professional and understanding. Not once was i made to feel like i was a bad person or making the wrong decision. I was met with understanding and support every step of the way. It is completely normal to be scared or emotional going into this. I have been a healthcare professional for over 10 years and am very familiar with preop/post op procedures and patient care and i was still very scared going into this appointment.
Scheduling experience: I used their online appointment request tool on a Sunday and Monday afternoon i got a text with a link for a hipaa compliant chat. I chatted with a very nice lady who was able to schedule me for the following Saturday. I wasn’t given any information other than to not eat or drink anything after midnight the night before and to be at the clinic at 8am Saturday. No one called, texted, or emailed any further instructions after that chat communication.
This is where my feedback for them to improve comes in. They really need to make it clear what to expect the day of the appointment: that we will not be able to have a support person come in with us because only the patients can be in the waiting room for safety purposes. They should be highlighting the process of the day with the multiple back and forth trips from the waiting room to the back and the different steps to expect. It would have been nice to know i would do paper work then wait then US and blood and vitals then wait then nurse for the history & going over the procedure then wait then the payment then wait then come to the back for preop and talk to the doctor then wait in preop then the operative area for the procedure then what to expect for the post op experience.
Clinic experience: Upon arriving to the clinic, the protesters on the front sidewalk were SO very nice to make the driveway more visible. -___- Unfortunately nothing can be done to remove them from a public walkway. The security guard comes to the door when you pull in to ensure you arrive inside safely. Please don’t let them deter you, don’t even look at them or acknowledge them.
I was greeted by the very kind security guard who had my escort sign me in and then i entered the office by myself.
The receptionist was very kind and provided me with my paperwork to fill out. The office was clean and quiet. After about 45 minutes i was taken back by a very kind employee (sweetest kindest human being ever with such a calming energy) who did my ultrasound and vital signs and did a finger stick to check my hemoglobin level and rH factor of my blood. I was then taken back to the waiting room for the next step.
30 minutes later i was taken back to speak with the nurse to go over my health history, medications, birth control options, and the procedure. The financial planner then came in and took my payment (we paid cash $750 for the sedated D&E, $65 for the depo shot we are fortunate to have the income to cover the costs but they do offer financial assistance ask the scheduler about it if you need it)& i was escorted back to the waiting room.
20 minutes later i was taken back by the first employee (the literal angel on earth, so so kind) who did my ultrasound earlier to talk with the Dr, who was also very nice, and i was given cytotec to place between my gums and cheeks to soften my cervix and prepare me for the procedure. I was then taken to the preop/postop area to put a gown cap and booties on, they let you keep your own socks on and it’s chilly in there so i recommend doing it. They put me in a recliner chair with a blanket and then about an hour after getting the cytotec, the nurse started an iv & gave me zofran since i was feeling nauseous. At this point i was having weird stretching bloating feelings in my uterus area with moderate to strong cramps, which i assume was the cytotec softening everything & dilating my cervix. I noted the post op nurses were very kind to the patients the whole time and met the loopy antics of the other women waking up from sedation with good humor and kindness.
The operative nurses wheeled me back to the procedure room in the recliner chair I was in and I was taken in to the procedure room and met the anesthetist and operative nurses. They helped me get situated on the procedure table and then the next thing i remembered was waking up in my recliner chair in the preop/post op area. They took me back at 10:45 and i woke up in the post op area at 11:12.
The post op nurse said i stood and sat in the chair on my own from the table to in the operative area as they don’t lift anyone there but i don’t remember anything between being positioned on the procedure table before the procedure and waking up in the chair in post op. The post op nurse gave me the depo provera shot i previously decided to take with the first nurse and helped me to the bathroom to get changed back into my clothes.
I felt moderate cramping, similar to period cramps on a heavy flow day, and had a good amount of bleeding and small clots present in the toilet. I came prepared and brought female pull-ups and pads so i put those on. My husband arrived to pick me up and the post op nurse gave me a 1x dose of antibiotics to prevent infections and went over discharge education. They escorted me out to the car and i was on my way home. I took 800mg Motrin as soon as i got in the car.
They had the security guard still at the front door and then a clinic escort in the parking lot keeping the protesters off the property and on the sidewalk.
I arrived for my 8:00 appointment at 7:30 and was in the car on my way home by 11:30. By the time we got close to our home 45 minutes later the Motrin had me feeling well enough to have a meal with my husband at the local diner.
It’s now 8 hours after we got home and i feel mild cramping after taking another dose of 800 mg Motrin. I would say the discharge is similar to a heavy flow day with small clots. My lower abdomen is visibly bloated but not very tender to the touch. (Until my husband wasn’t thinking and set Wawa bags with a half gallon of milk in them on my lap/lower abdomen -_-) I have a weighted heating pad and I’ve had it laying across my abdomen since i got home and it’s been so helpful for the mild to moderate discomfort I’ve had.
Timeline of events:
0730 arrived, security very nice, receptionist very nice 0815- taken back for US, VS, finger stick. Ultrasound tech very nice. 0845- nurse - history, procedure review, birth control planning. very nice and informative 0900- financial counselor very nice 0920- brought back by first US tech to see the Dr, cytotec inserted in cheeks 0930 changed into gown put in preop recliner chair, curtain dividers 1000- preop nurses very kind, playing fun music, joking with patients during their postop grogginess 1030- iv inserted 1045- took back to the procedure room 1112- procedure done, in recovery, got depo shot, iv taken out, got dressed 1130- discharge education and went home. Moderate period like cramping.
Recommendations: - ask as many questions as you need to feel comfortable, they will take the time to answer them - It’s normal to be nervous but you don’t need to be afraid to come here. Everyone was kind, understanding, and professional there. - Your decision is the right decision. Period. No one else gets to make it for you. - It doesn’t matter if you are young or older, single or married, have no children or already have 10 children, this decision is yours and your rights - Hydrate well the night before. I made it a point to drink several liquid IV’s late the night before knowing i couldn’t have anything to eat or drink after midnight. It will be very hard for the nurses to get an IV in your vein if you are very dehydrated, the more you drink the night before, the better your veins will be. - Bring your own pads or even female pull ups whatever you prefer. They do supply you pads but they’re the big huge thick ones that most people hate. - Have Motrin ready to take as soon as you’re done. - Get a heating pad for afterwards it really is soothing. - Walk as much as you can, it helps with the pain and swelling and helps get the clots out. - Firmly massage over your uterus area it will help get the clots out and help your uterus shrink back down to size faster. - If your BMI is over 40 they won’t be able to do an asleep abortion there since they don’t have advanced airway management there. You’re a higher risk of respiratory depression during sedation when you’re overweight. I wasn’t aware of this until i talked with the history nurse. Luckily i was right at 40 and the anesthetist cleared me. - If you need to be sedated they will make you have someone sign you in and sign you out. But they can’t come inside and wait with you. You cannot drive yourself. - They’re going to tell you not to put anything in your vagina for 1 week post op- no tampons, menstrual cups, no sex, nothing internally placed. Also no swimming or sitting in a bathtub for a week. This is all to prevent infection. You want the drainage to drain and not build up bacteria inside you. - You are going to be more fertile after the procedure. It can take 4 weeks to get your period again, you can get pregnant before you have a period, use birth control! They don’t do IUD insertions there so consider getting birth control pills or the depo shot while you’re there.

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