So, a lot of you aren't going to like this.
Those of you who work at agencies ESPECIALLY won't like this, because it's gonna make those of you who are lazy and blame everyone else for your problems...
Well it's gonna make you look like you're lazy, and blame everyone else for your problems.
So here's my central thesis for this post, done in my best Alec Baldwin impersonation:
"Facebook's not weak, YOU'RE weak!"
Okay, fair enough, Facebook is actually kinda shitty. But have you heard that old (admittedly misogynistic) joke, "Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em?"
Well that describes FB.
I hate FB. I despise it with every fiber of my being.
But... it also makes me a lot of money. So I still run a lot of ads on there.
Quick note about me so you know I'm not some random dipshit: Been in online marketing for a long time, been running ads for about 5 years. Currently do about $5mm a year in spend, a decent chunk of it with my own personal cash for my own business. I still consult and run ads in JV/partnership deals, however, so not ALL my own money.
So, lots of posts lately about FB being shitty. Interestingly enough like many things there have always been these posts en masse. ios14 was a huge turning point in this industry. And it seems to keep getting worse and worse.
That said there's still people CRUSHING it on FB on a daily basis. Individuals who are doing 50k - 100k in spend a day (I've been one of them, right now more like 20k a day though.)
And these are direct response guys, not big ass brands who can afford to throw cash away.
So the question is... why are you struggling and they aren't?
Well first of all let me let you in on a secret: FB sucks for them too. It sucks for me, it sucks for all of us.
But if you want to be successful, you need to focus on what you CAN control, not what you can't.
So here's my rules for success:

1. UNDERSTAND FACEBOOK SUCKS

I've run five copies of the exact same ad in the same ad set at the same time and gotten wildly different results. That's why I test the way I do (Test images/videos and copy at the same time, so I can have duplicates of everything and cross reference/aggregate performance)
Also understand something that works in your market is half the battle... you need something FB likes too. Which you'll never know what it is until you stumble upon it.
Which brings me to my next point...

1. YOU'RE NOT TESTING ENOUGH

I've seen SO MANY posts where people are like, "We've tested TEN IMAGES and nothing works!!!"
My friend. 10 images is what I test in a day. I've been known to test 100 videos a week. I'll write ten pieces of copy for one day's testing.
Do I do this every day? No. I wish I could. I don't have the time/energy. But ideally I SHOULD be doing this every day.
Now if you're running a budget of $100/day obviously you have a lot less you can test.
But my point is... even for those of us who know what we're doing... it takes a LOT of creative testing to get a hit.
Creative testing should be 80% of your time on FB. The guys who tell you it's about the campaign structure or whatever... I mean yeah that stuff is important and can help. But if your creative is good you can kind of ignore that stuff and still get decent results.
Oh and every account is different in terms of what it likes. So you kind of have to treat them separately and test creatives on each. Have fun!

1. IF YOU'RE A MEDIA BUYER AND CAN'T UNDERSTAND CREATIVE YOU SHOULD GET A NEW JOB

Look, not everyone is a great copywriter, or video producer, or artist.
But any good media buyer should be able to take a guess at WHY the creative isn't working, and what should be changed. They should know how to test in a way that is getting these insights that can then be used to further iterate on and improve creatives.
I have met some media buyers who don't know shit about creative but are great at scaling. They're rare, but they're out there. Maybe 10 - 20% of great media buyers are like this. But these people could never fly solo. They only shine in a team with a big creative producing "engine". And they still know how to test to get that learning - they just don't really know why.

1. YOUR TESTING STRATEGY SUCKS

Tests are experiments. They should, as much as possible, isolate one variable.
So many times I hear about people testing in different campaigns, or on different days of the week, or whatever.
No. Testing is in one campaign. Usually different ad sets because otherwise FB will pick a favorite, but if I could throw all ads in one ad set and have FB evenly spend I'd do that.
Furthermore, you should have a very clear goal when you test. "We're testing angles." "We're testing whether red or blue gets a better CPC." "We're testing which of these 10 pieces of ad text does the best."
Don't just throw up a bunch of random videos. At least not often. Test one element. An intro. A CTA. Whatever. Have a plan, and stick to it.

1. WHAT AGENCIES TELL YOU IS BULLSHIT

And the worst part is then the people working there start to believe it.
A small incomplete sample of bullshit things I've heard:
"Facebook has to get out of the learning phase."
False. A good creative will work pretty much straight away. FB's pixel's been dogshit since ios14. Yes, generally training a pixel will help, but this "it needs 7 days of learning" horse shit is just that... horse shit. Often said by people who want to make excuses rather than get down and dirty and do the hard work - making good creatives.
"The pixel takes time to learn."
A half-truth, see above.
"It takes a month to even start getting data"
If I took a month to get data I'd be destitute. You should be able to test if a campaign is going to work in a week, assuming you have the creative ready to go.
If you can't figure out whether something's going to work in a week or two and 1 - 2k of spend, you suck at your job.
If you can't spend 1k a week, then you're working with a client that's super small and that has its own set of challenges, especially on FB.
And if an agency tells you they can't give you some damn good data and an action plan on exactly what you should do in a week or two, run from them and find someone else.
There are more that get my goat but you get the point.
BTW... MOST (not all) agencies work like this:
They sell you a ton of bullshit. You sign on as a client. They give you a junior they get from the Philippines or Eastern Europe for like $400 a month while charging you $3k. They give you endless excuses for months on why results aren't there until you finally leave but hey at that point they got like $15k in profit out of you... they don't care.
WHY I POSTED THIS:

1. Because there are people on here who believe this shit and waste time spinning their wheels when they could be getting traction
   
2. Because I hate lies and incompetence
   
3. Because I enjoy watching all the terrible media buyers come out of the wood work and try to argue with me on why I'm wrong (seriously, do it. Let's go. I need to procrastinate when I should be writing copy.)
   

And if you think I'm looking for clients... I'm not. I don't really have the time. Unless you want to do a profit share deal and your biz is already doing at least $1mm a year in revenue, then yeah, PM me, but it's gotta be a very attractive proposition for me to work on your shit.
Full disclosure: I am considering starting a YT channel where I basically get drunk and/or high and rant about shit like this for 5 - 10 minutes at a time. But as you know there's no money in that.
IN CONCLUSION:
Most of the shit you've heard is dead wrong and spread by people who either don't know any better or want to sell you this fantasy that ads are impossible. They're not. They're just a lot of hard fucking work.
BTW, you can reach out to me via PM for questions but honestly I'd rather you post it here so we get a discussion going and please don't take it personally if I don't have the time to answer back.
Now stop being on reddit and go make some more creatives and write some more copy to test.
Oh, and to all the lame media buyers who are upset that someone's shining lights on just how lazy and useless they are:
Bring it on, bitch.
P.S. I don't know why the preview is showing all my numbers as "1". I swear I learned how to count, even if it took me longer than some of the other kids. If anyone knows how to fix that, please post a comment or PM me. Bonus points for a funny joke at my expense.

We're now onto the Dress Up Days episodes. I had these episodes on DVD when I was a kid, and so I watched them many times. This ep in particular popped into my head a few years ago, and that's what got me back into this show. I'll admit that I'm partial towards this ep and some of the others I grew up with. Anyways, spoilers ahead, so read at your own risk.
We open with the gang at Strawberry's house (including Blueberry, the writers make good use of her character immediately after introducing her). They were supposed to have a garden party, but immediately starts raining heavily. While inside, Blueberry suggests going to her house and playing dress up, since all of the picnic food was "ruined" (It didn't look that bad from what I can tell). Also, sidenote: Blueberry's voice sounds especially high pitched in this ep, even more so than in her first appearance. Idk if there were some audio issues or if the VA was trying something out. Anyway, Strawberry has a bunch of extra raincoats that she gives her friends. She takes the last one, which isn't as cute/stylish as the other ones (although, I'm sure some people would find the appeal in it). Her friends make fun of her, which, come on y'all she gave you her pretty raincoats, be f'ing grateful. Anyway, we cut to when they're at Blueberry's house and start exploring her costumes. Strawberry sees her book collection, and she didn't realize that Blueberry had so many books (even though her love of reading was established in the first episode, and the whole gang helped her set up her bookshelf. Ik I say I'm gonna stop commenting on the continuity, but then something like this happens and I feel the need to say something). They have the idea of picking one of the stories and putting on a play of it. They settle on Cinderella, and Blueberry just so happens to have a pair of glass slippers (she stored them at the bottom of her trunk, which... uh, how did they not break?). The slippers happen to fit Strawberry perfectly. I get that Blueberry offered the slippers to Strawberry, but they were her slippers, presumably bought to fit her feet. But oh well, this show revolves around Strawberry Shortcake, so she of course gets the lead role (on a related note, it's kinda wild that Strawberry never lets power get to her head. I think it would have been interesting to have an episode where Strawberry is on a power trip and has to learn from her mistakes, but oh well). Custard and Pupcake become the equivalent of Cinderella's mice friends. Angel Cake insists on being the fairy godmother. Blueberry agrees to be the stepmother, meaning that Ginger and Orange are the stepsisters (there are some unfortunate implications with our only characters of color being antagonists, but I don't wanna get into it here. That discussion can continue in the comments). Apple is the queen of the castle. Then, they realize that they need a prince, so they go to Huck, the one boy in Strawberryland, and they have to bribe him with pies. We cut to some time later when the sets are built and they're ready to go. They get their pets to be the audience (and Cola's also here. The coach for the stepfamily's carriage looks a bit like Peppermint. It makes me think that the writers wanted to include Peppermint in this episode, but either they didn't know how to write her in or the VA wasn't available). Anyway, Blueberry narrates the opening scene and spends quite a bit of time highlighting how ugly "Strawberella's" clothes are, which are clearly based on her patchy raincoat. Strawberry tells Blueberry to knock it off, and then she checks the mail, making the "mailbox" fall over. This reminds us that this is a low budget play performed by a bunch of kids. We're then immersed into this story, where the stepmother takes the invitation, and reads it. The stepfamily tells Strawberella that she can't go to the ball, which makes her cry. Then, Blueberry, Ginger, and Orange break character and apologize. Angel has to stop them, since them being nice spoils the story. We get to the stepsisters fighting over a dress and it lands on Strawberella's head, which makes her think the lights went out (which is a really silly thing to think. She had to have felt the garment falling on her head). She asks her stepsisters if she can wear it, but then her stepmother rips it up and tells Strawberella to get back to work. We then go into the first musical number, where Strawberella fantasizes about how great her life would be if she only had nice enough clothes to wear. We then cut to the night of the ball and the stepfamily literally leave Strawberella in the dust. Then, the fairy godmother shows up and makes a carriage out of a strawberry, turns Pupcake into a horse, Custard into a coachman, and bestowing Strawberella a beautiful gown and glass slippers. On the way, the fairy godmother has to stop them and let them know that the magic only lasts until 8 pm (since midnight is past their bedtime), which begs the question, what time is it in that moment? The sky is clearly dark, but it doesn't seem incredibly cold out. That makes me think that it's 6 pm at the earliest, which doesn't give very much time for enjoying the ball. Anyway, we get to the ball where one of the stepsisters is dancing with the prince, but then he steps on her foot. I think it would have made more sense for her to step on his foot, which would have incentivized him to find another partner. Anyway, Strawberella shows up, and immediately catches the prince's eye. He awkwardly asks her to dance, and so they do. This scene and episode in general is probably the biggest one that Struckleberry shippers point to, but they conveniently forget that this is a play, and Huck had to be bribed to participate. Anyway, Strawberella loses track of time and the clock strikes 8. I think it would have made more sense if it struck 7:45 or smth, bc with the way that it is, it seems like the magic would have worn off right there in the middle of the ballroom, which is a plothole, but I kinda remember that being an issue with the Disney movie too so I'll let it slide. Anyway, she drops the one slipper, gets home just in time, and then we skip to the next day. The queen and prince show up with glass slipper. The stepsisters try it on, but Orange's foot is too big and Ginger's is too small. I kinda appreciate that Strawberella doesn't have tiny feet in this adaptation since that would have sent the message that smaller feet are inherently prettier. Ig there's a bit of a plothole that with Strawberella having average feet, that shoe could have fit multiple people, but it doesn't really matter. Strawberella fits the shoe, and we get into the musical number about how looks don't matter. I don't usually point out the lyricism in these songs, but I have to mention this one line, "Clothes don't make the kid, it's the other way around." I get what they were going for that clothes don't define you, but that line inspires the image of children in sweatshops, and I don't think that's the kind of thing you'd want to think about while watching a wholesome kids show. Anyway, the play ends and we come back to reality. The other girls apologize to Strawberry for making fun of her raincoat, and it's a happy ending all around. Overall, it's a simple retelling of the Cinderella story that we all know and love, and does a good job with that. There are several episodes later on that are also fairytale adaptations, and I'm not completely sure how to feel about it. I don't necessarily dislike these episodes, but they do make me think that the writers ran out of ideas and used fairytales as a fallback. I'm sure I'll expand on these thoughts later on.
Comment your thoughts below!

(16f) I started Wellbutrin yesterday for depression, anxiety, and adhd and I’ve never been so anxious in my life since I’ve started taking this and I can’t stop crying. My doctor said I can take Ativan as needed but it’s not helping. I tried vaping to calm me down and it does absolutely nothing, I’m freaking out and I don’t know how long this will last does anyone have any advice? I’ve never posted on Reddit before this sorry.

This game is a step back in all the right ways I really can't express how much I've come to enjoy it. It's like the they listened to everyone about all the thinks they hate about cod and made a game fixing all those issue. Let's do a comparison because Let's be honest cod is the standard for fps [Guns]
Pistols- actually are a secondary now not super op beating primary guns
Smg- actually are short to mid range not beating an ar across the map which I love.
Ar- mid to long range not winning cq against smg unless you get the jump on them.
Shotguns- hot garbage unless right in there face
Snipers- I think are great could use a little more flinch when being shot at.
Lmg- haven't used enough but feel OK
Marksman- a blast to play with
Ttk- is perfectly fine if you use the guns the way they're actually supposed to be used
Attachments aren't ridiculous I don't need 50 different grips I end up using the same 3 anyways
No kills streaks and no laying down makes for way less camping!
And team playing is encouraged in almost everyday from getting kills to capturing objectives because of the ability's which I think is great
Maps are fun and easy to learn
No sbmm!!! People that don't like that are the people who need it get guud lol
The gun range is better in every way! It really let's you get a feel for the guns not just some stupid 3 targets moving
Also it's free! And it isn't 300gb to download its like 30 the way cod should be! I don't need your awful sorry excuse of a campaign I don't play warzone and zombies sucks just give me multiplayer
I think the game looks great guns look cool characters look cool not some rubber ducky or Nicki running around in high heals finishing Me with an elf. Sorry snoop but you're ridiculous too
Cod would be great if it wasn't a reskin that cost 70 dollars that gives you easier lobbies when you buy there stupid skins I didn't buy the battle pass for xdefiant but I'm way way more willing to cough up 10 bucks because the game was free! And they give enough coins to in the battle pass to continue getting it
Does the game need some work yeah but let's not kid are selves cod also needs work!
I've played every cod since cod 3 and in recent years I've just gotten fed up I played ranked play and got to diamond 2 so I'm a decent player yet when I hop into a pub lobby and have a good game I get put against sweats for the next 3 match's I get that sbmm might have been in the older cods but they were obviously better because I didn't feel it so much I didn't jump into public lobby to play ranked play it's dumb I didn't come fresh over from cod I've been taking a break for a few months playing helldivers 2 and then started playing this so maybe it wasn't so much of an adjustment for me because all I hear is people complaining but honestly this game made me enjoy playing first person shooter games again if you haven't played yet ignore what people are saying and give it an honest try give it a good 10hr cod session try. Will I never play cod again no but I'm not paying full price for one very again not after knowing games like this are out there for free. If you think I'm wrong you're probably right it's your opinion vs mine just putting my 2 cents out there and trying to show some love because all the hate I'm seeing for something that didn't even cost any money.

I have a workmate who is quite known for being the serious and intimidating type sa work. He's a year ahead of me so medyo na-intimidate din ako sa aura nyang ganun when I first started where I work now.
But as I got to spend more time with him sa duty, mas nalelearn ko na he's not really as intimidating as people make him out to be. And I learned yung kind and funny side nya that he doesn't always project. Kasi introverted sya. Long story short, I developed some form of a happy crush, although wala talaga akong balak to make it serious.
Before, he would be so formal and strict sa messages nya but to my surprise, he's recently been being goofy and funny sa messages.
I've also noticed a few things he does that I find amusing. Replying fast sa messages that I send sa work groupchats namin. Asking me for my sample paperwork even if he knows how to do his (he's already had similar work done before). One time nag attend sya ng seminar somewhere (nag attend din ako and a friend of his days prior), and while at work nag message sya to ask where the CR is (hahaha) instead of asking his friend. Approaching me at work to ask about an assignment that I know pretty well he already knows how to do (kasi alam ko na may prior experience na sya).
Now here's the thing. We're a lot more open and palabiro sa messages than in person. He'd be sending emojis and laughing sa messages while having a straight face in person. Haha. Kaya minsan naguguluhan ako if I can treat him the same way in person since nahihiya ako dahil senior ko nga sya, and I don't want other seniors to judge me na baka feeling close ako masyado.
I feel that we joke around a lot sa messages but in person we're a lot reserved. Except for a few moments when we find ourselves alone & he'd sometimes relax and joke around then way he does sa texts. But with other people present, we act like we're merely workmates and he becomes a lot more poised.
Now here's the thing. Recently we get teased a lot. And not even romantically. Na tetease kami because of how he cares for me as his junior. Natetease sya sa pag aalaga sakin. Even his friends pointed out na clingy daw sya sakin because they noticed how he's particularly observant of me (like one time nag ask sya sa GC why I was in the office when it's supposed to be my day off & everybody commented he's being too clingy).
And the whole time he's kept a straight face. Meanwhile ako parang matutunaw na but I also kept my composure. Whatever emotion he shows i try to mirror kasi ayoko din mabisto na may crush ako haha.
After the teasing incident, we found ourselves on duty again and he acts like nothing happened. Which I am totally cool with. Because I do not want things to get awkward between us when I enjoy his company so much. Natatawa lang talaga ako at how he's able to keep his emotions in check when he's so different sa messages.
The rare times he lets his goofiness through in person, I find very cute.
Ang tanong ko lang, could there be something in there? If I were to take the risk? Haha

I received my first Polestar today and also first EV! Overjoyed in general but off the bat I am noticing a few things. Thought I'd get the community's feedback on this:

1. Interior lighting should definitely be colour adjustable....are these not LEDs so wouldn't it just be a software patch? Pretty whack when cars I this price range and way below it tend to come with this feature.
   
2. I'm over 6 foot and a spreader.... unfortunately this means my leg/knee runs into the big a$$ panel on the right side of the driver's seat. I didn't notice how annoying this one in my short stay in the car before but now it is apparent.
   
3. App seems glitchy, takes really long to respond to commands idk if this is just a me problem
   
4. The "grocery" holder in the trunk did not hold the groceries sufficiently (they fell out lol)
   
5. Walk away lock feature!?!?!? Salesman had advertised this and the car does not have it. Even Honda's have this nowadays.
   
6. Tablet menu design should have a quick launch panel on the left so you can easily switch between apps while driving.
   

Good morning. It's 6.30 am, and since I've got nobody to talk to I just wanted to express this thought of mine here.
I'm a 21M and I started to daydream since I was around 7yo.
Obviously almost all of you may imagine the impact this had on my personality: plain, empty, no ambitions and so on.
Lately I've been asking myself if I would be better in a relationship. I know that it's normal at this age to want and need a romantic partner, but for me (or for us, but I don't want to speak for everyone), is just like another thing in life that "I must get done" not that "I really, really crave to get it done", even because, when I think of it, I start to daydream about other stuff, as a coping mechanism for being a "failure" under the point of view of love.
But yea, lately I thought that maybe if I had someone that I loved with all my heart, I would stop daydreaming and I would just pass time with her (usually being around people makes me daydream far far less).
But how could I get a girlfriend?
Let's put aside my ugly looks for a moment and let's pretend that they don't matter so much in finding a partner, let's just talk about personality:
I'm EMPTY.
I don't have a single passion. I've never had a passion that I wanted to pursue, something in which I could vision myself in the future etc.
For a bit of time, I thought listening to music was my passion, "my thing". Because I used to do it everyday for hours a day, for about 10 years. But no, as subtle as it can get, I now (5 years later) understood that I didn't like music, I liked to daydream while listening to it. And this goes on for every other activity I've done in life. I don't like activities per se, I like to use them as a tool to enhance my fantasy problem.
Because I do actually have a passion, which is fantasizing. The most useless and worthless passion you can have, something that does not even exist in the world, but only in your head. This "passion" also takes the issue of being totally unrelatable, obviously. And we know that relatableness takes a huge part into building a relationship with someone, if not a fundamental part, you know? "This and that happened in my life, so I understand you cause to you it happened this and that".
But it never actually happened anything in my life. Because even if it did, I wasn't there to enjoy it (or suffer from it, idc just make me feel a real emotion for once instead of filtering it to me with thoughts upon thoughts) so it basically never existed.
And what can you talk about someone who doesn't have a passion? But let's go on, cause I am even more of a failure than this.
I'm a drop out since highschool. Because of MD, since I was a little boy I wasn't able to listen to a teacher explaining things, I just daydreamt to skip the class while still being physically present. At the moment I don't work either. I justify myself saying that I'd like to create a mobile app and make money out of it, but in my days I do nothing except thinking. Creating an app requires a lot of skill to learn and I know 0, and I mean 0 skills.
I've notice how Maladaptive Daydreaming affects my skills not too long ago. The first time, I've been noticing it with drawing. I used to draw since I was 6, yet, at 16 I still sucked. But I thought that was normal cause I never had a comparison metric. Until one friend of mine one day, decided that he wanted to learn how to draw digitally, and in a little more than a week, by practicing and studying anatomy, he was better than me.
I did something for 10 years and I got outclassed by a normal person that did it in 10 days.
Usually, when I read how people are affected by MD, the fear I feel is something among the lines of "This is terrible, since I have Maladaptive Daydreaming too, I could become something of this extent as well". But being afraid of the future is not the same thing as having a vivid proof in the present, that your past was useless.
And this happened with basketball too. I did basketball in school because it was "the class' sport" for 3 to 5 years (I'm sorry, I don't remember, another result of MD) yet, some months ago, me and my friends (who NEVER played basketball in a serious matter) had to wait for me to get at least one successful shot. So yea, not good at anything basically, even tho I spent time and time on it.
Then there are the obvious problems you can imagine like, I'm too awkward and shy and introverted, MD builds expectations and sceneries in your head that when they don't match reality (and they almost never do) you just don't know how to react making you look like a total loser.
I had a couple of teenagerish relationships, but even at that time, I simply wasn't there. I wasn't even aware of the fact that I was in a relationship, I don't know how to explain it. So I never built those good personality traits that experience gives you, I've never learned how to express my feelings, how to listen, how to make someone feel loved and appreciated by me. Never had sex either, and the more time goes on the more I think about how distant I am from a normal person that had lived normal experiences. Not only I did not live those experiences, but the worst thing of all is that I don't even care that I didn't, because I daydream to feel better when my mind goes into those topics.
And then there are fears.
I fear that even with a girlfriend that I love, my MD continues. I fear that if something bad happens in our relationship, like I get cheated on or something, I will triplicate the intensity of my daydreams to cope. I fear that I won't ever give someone the help and love they need because I'm not there.
And all this post was only about my personality. If I had to talk about my looks things would go even further downhill. Sometimes (very few times) I'm thankful of suffering from maladaptive daydreaming, because if I didn't have this method to cope, I would have probably fallen into a deep depression at this point. Thank you for whoever read this, has anyone of you felt something similar?

Alrighty, next up is the search for a decent barber. Yes, it might sound like a straightforward thing and yes there seems to be one in every block of Footscray centre, but…
Context: long facial hair, had it for 20+ years and honestly for the last 8 or so years have not had even one good experience in a generic barbershop. It’s alway either that try hard US vibe of blokey banter with no nuance and pretty much the standard “whadeayawant” and then proceed to do the same thing they think works for all bears. No it doesn’t. I’ve got freaky beard hair growing in all directions and it takes more than 2 seconds to look / explain but all the places I’ve tried it just feels SO rushed and just not a nice experience.
I’ve also been to the extra fancy ones in the city where it’s more one on one experience and yea that’s much nicer but a barely 20 year old who hasn’t got rid of moustache patches does not give out a confident vibe even with a FCKING $80 BILL.
So. Still looking. Thought of checking out some of the African barbershops around but it’s the same thing — I can’t just walk in and fingers crossed and then a generic person just fcks it up and now it’s 6 months of growing it back.
Any recommendations after this wall of text?

The amount of time it takes for removalists to move your belongings will depend on several factors, such as the distance between your old and new locations, the volume of items being moved, the complexity of the move, and the level of service you require. Here are some general guidelines to give you an idea of how long a move may take:
Local moves: For a local move within the same city or town, removalists may be able to complete the move in one day or less, depending on the amount of items being moved.
Interstate moves: For an interstate move, it could take a few days to a week or more, depending on the distance and the size of the move.
International moves: For an international move, it can take several weeks or even months for your belongings to arrive at your new location, depending on the destination and the method of transportation.
It's important to note that the time it takes for removalists to move your belongings can also be affected by factors outside of their control, such as traffic delays, weather conditions, and other unforeseen circumstances. It's best to discuss the expected timeline for your move with the removalist company and make sure you have a clear understanding of the estimated time of arrival for your belongings

Long story short - I recently finished my contract on active duty and returned back to New York and live with my family for the time being. My parents had a few financial issues and they fell back on rent and owe a little over $2,000 to their landlord. I’ve since taken over their finances and pay their rent each month and have a verbal agreement with the landlord to pay off the 2k in smaller amounts each month ($200 or so each month) but he’s been a real dickhead and would cut off heat and hot water at times but in this most recent issue hasn’t been responding to a rat issue in the building and our apartment. It’s been 8 days and I called an exterminator today and only then he began to respond and swore he’d take me to court to evict me and my family for owing rent and sending in an exterminator. Any advice on how I should go about this? I’ve kept text messages and pictures of everything but am wondering what would come of things if he does actually send us to court. Thanks in advance

-First- -Previous- -Next (on Patreon)-
—————————
My second to last quarter just ended and I'm pretty swamped with final reports right now, but I'm almost through. Not to mention, the next seven weeks are going to be pretty light because of a sudden lack of classes, since I busted my butt finishing up my remaining credits. I've decided to dedicate this time to (among other things) a writing frenzy! I wanna get some serioussss backlogs up because who knows how busy I'm going to be after graduation. (Not to mention, I'm having some troubles getting my VISA renewed, but that's a personal issue).
Anyways, don't wanna bore you with irl stuff. You're here for food and gay furry romance! So as always, I hope you enjoy reading! :D
—————————
Note: This is a Fanfic of the Nature of Predators series by u/Spacepaladin15, that is being reposted from the NatureofPredators sub. Please support the original content.
Thank you to Philodox on discord for proofreading and editing RfD.
Thank you to Pampanope on reddit for the cover art.
—————————
​
Memory Transcript Subject: Sylvan, Venlil Citizen
Date: [Standardized Human Time]: December 13, 2136
​
It wasn’t too long that I was absent from the event. Sure, Kenta and I had run into a few hiccups when trying to load up the cart, but that was to be expected. Just looking at the absolute behemoth of an edible pile that he had somehow been able to put together in such a short amount of time, it was a wonder just how we were able to fit them all on there in the first place. And the promise that there was still more yet to be brought out had left me astonished. If I hadn’t already seen the ravenous vortex of Venlil that had so efficiently done away with the other dishes, I might have actually been worried about leftovers.
The food in question, long tubes made out of some kind of starchy form of strayu and packaged in an even starchier husk, were stacked in circular pyramids atop three large trays. As it turned out, this delicacy was the same “Tamale” recipe that I had heard mentioned the day before, the sheer amount being the product of Kenta’s, Julio’s, and even Jeela’s preparations. Unfortunately, I hadn’t received the full explanation of what they were just yet, but Kenta had thankfully given me at least a quick rundown.
Using the same steaming methods as the gyoza, these tamales had been folded carefully over a mix of fresh, crisp vegetables whose scent floated around each in a rich aura. They were hot out of the steamer, a cloud of gaseous water encircling the air above it in a decadent plume. If I hadn’t known better, with the combined mass of the tamales and the sheer volume of steam they collectively released, it might have made me believe the cart itself to be on fire. But of course, there was no such thing, and the cloud that spread into the sky only served to sweeten the air.
As I rolled out the cart, I looked at one last addition to the ensemble. There in a large bowl was something that Kenta hadn’t mentioned in the slightest when explaining the recipe and reasonings behind the tamales, and I had been so urgent to get these out the door that I’d forgotten to press for more details. It had been left in the refrigerator since the day before, which I had only noticed when doing inventory after the fiasco of event preparations.
‘It completely slipped my mind until now… I’m glad I didn’t forget it. Especially after what that note said.’
When I had found the bowl, a small piece of paper had been taped to it. On which, an alien text had been inscribed that required me to use my visual translator to make any sense of. It had been nothing but obvious that holding up the translator informed me that the language was indeed Terran. But what confused me was that instead of the morphemic script that I had come to slightly recognize from Kenta’s subculture, it instead appeared to be something more alphabetic.
On it, the note simply read: “Make sure to serve this with the tamales, my friend. Don’t forget!”
Additionally, below those words had appeared to be an additional message. That one, however, was partially scribbled out. When I scanned that one as well, the translator had taken a long time to process, and its output remained considerably fractured: “**od l*ck wit* y*u* n*w boyf***nd.”
Having not thought much of the note, I had just barely remembered to retrieve the bowl from the fridge and put it on the card while Kenta was off busy grabbing one last batch of tamales before rushing me out the door. I shook it out of my mind for the time being. After all, right now there were more pressing things to manage.
Wheeling the cart back outside, I was hit with the briefest shortage of breath. It had only been a momentary respite, but shifting from the quiet of the empty diner to the lively atmosphere of a crowded party would never not be a shock. By now, enough people had shown up that the event could already be considered at max capacity. People from all over filled the street, chatting and conversing in a rambunctious, lively gusto.
To see so many people take the time out of their schedules and come down to my family’s diner just because of the promise of our food… It was almost overwhelming, enough to bring a brief tear to the eye reminiscent of my reaction to that very first wave of people Ginro had brought soon after I first hired Kenta. I took a moment just to bask in it. A feeling I had all but begun to grow almost too accustomed to. A feeling of success, and of pride. And as I once again continued pushing the cart past the crowds of chatty party attendees, along with the piles of wool that it entailed, that feeling continued to pour into me. It was all almost too much to hear at once.
“Hey Sylvan! Great party!” said one voice to my left.
“Amazing food as always, Lackadaisy guy! I can’t get enough of these little strayu things in the salad!” piped another to my right.
“Ooooo! What are those things?” asked one more as I passed by them, who excitedly eyed up the stack of tamales I was delivering.
I laughed along and chatted with people on my way to one of the tables, chuckling at their jokes and accepting their praise on behalf of both myself and the mysterious ‘Kahnta.’ With each pleased guest and hungry gaze, I couldn’t help but feel myself bloom in sheer joy at the tidal wave of enthusiastic complements.
That was… until one otherwise innocent comment sounded from behind me.
“So you’re telling me this was all made by one chef?” they asked one of their friends, not intending me to hear as they talked with their mouth half stuffed with food. Looking closer, I could see that they were two Gojids chatting with one another. “Better enjoy it now, I guess. Not gonna be long before some fancy place in the Capital comes and recruits them. Honestly, if the owner of this place wants to have any hope of holding on to them, he better marry them or something.”
The partygoer’s friend laughed, “Well if he doesn’t, then I will! Can you imagine eating something like this every day?”
I couldn’t help but bloom even more overhearing this. But this was a different kind of feeling. Not the gentle warmth of normal delight, but instead the torrid heat of surging emotions. And as I began nonchalantly transferring the steaming tamales to one of the tables, these emotions steamed to the surface of my mind as well.
It was a mix of things that fueled my silent reaction. At first, the implication of asking Kenta into matehood was… well it was certainly something. I was sure the two Gojids were simply making innocent remarks, assuming that the lie about my precious chef being another, completely ordinary Venlil was correct, not realizing in the slightest just how much the implication left me flummoxed. And in normal circumstances, it would have been just that, a simple perk of the ears and a brief daydream of something so far away from me. But after yesterday, things had changed.
The previous day had been eventful, to say the least. I had eaten some amazing pastries and listened to an even more amazing alien melody. Only for it all to come crashing down when my idiotic brain forgot to turn back on the translator before pouring out my entire menagerie of pent up emotions before Kenta. My one chance to seize an opportunity at the height of a courageous high, only to tumble and fall flat during the execution. Even worse, I couldn’t muster the bravery to say the same thing even one more time.
I had completely blown it. And needless to say, I wasn’t exactly keen on remembering my mistakes from that previous day, especially during such a pivotal event. The only mediocre condolence I could take from the whole ordeal being the opportunity of waking up next to Kenta that same day. But even that was cut much too short by the mad rush to get preparation ready for the event.
‘I can still remember how warm he felt… And how peaceful he looked when his eyes were closed…’ I thought to myself in deep reminiscence.
“Hey there Sylvan!”
‘I can’t get it out of my head…! Ugh! I wish it wasn’t just a one time thing…’
“Sylvan?”
‘If we really were together romantically, then maybe I could see that every day… But that’s not–’
“Sylvan!!”
The moment my attention was pulled away from my internal thoughts, I audibly bleated out a high pitched noise of surprise, “Eeep!”
My ears jutted up and my tail straightened like a steel beam. My attention shifted over to my side, where I soon realized Fehnel now stood. She had her paws held firmly on her hips, with a head tilted to the side in a half puzzled, half amused demeanor. Then, when I realized I had been staring a little too long without saying anything, I quickly turned my attention back to the table.
“Oh hey Fehnel!” I stuttered out. “Didn’t see you there!”
“Sorry if I sneaked up on ya, hun,” Fehnel replied with a single wag of the tail. “Got somethin’ on the mind, I’m assumin’?”
The image of Kenta and I huddled together on my couch flashed through my mind once more, before I quickly shook it away. “Uhhhh… Nope! I’m just really focussing here on getting these tamales out.”
“‘Tamales,’ huh?” Fehnel chuckled. “Well between this and that ‘gee-yo-za’ stuff, I think I’m startin’ to give up on predictin’ what crazy name Kahnta’ll come up with next.”
“Yeah it’s pretty… uh–” I coughed awkwardly, clearing something nonexistent out of my throat. “It’s pretty creative.”
“You can say that again. By this point, they’re startin’ to sound almost alien!” Fehnel laughed again, and I cringed as the irony fell over deaf ears. “But hey, who am I to judge! I mean, to me all the stuff on this planet is alien, so what’s another ‘Tamale’ added to the pile, yeah?”
I had to stop my ears and head from shrinking too far towards the ground.
“Anyways, I’m assumin’ these are the actual foods I requested Kahnta to create, right?” Fehnel continued to ask.
“Uh– Y-yeah, yes they ar–” I tried to say before one of Fehnel’s paws suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist.
“Great!” she beamed, before dragging me away into one of the many chatty piles of fluffy wool that constituted our event.
It didn’t take more than a few rushed steps before I was suddenly pulled in front of another Yotul and Venlil, who I did well to recognize immediately. It seemed as though Kadew and Vuilen had arrived, the former of which looking just about as nervous as I had expected. Vuilen, on the other paw, was anything but. Her tail was wagging furiously, almost impossibly giddy with enthusiasm as her ears shifted around a swivel, likely allowing every new smell and sound to pull her attention to and fro.
Fehnel dragged me forward and plopped me down right in front of the two, before saying, “Tell them what you just told me.”
Vuilen leaned forward, bestowing me her full attention, while Kadew remained stationary, only doing as much as to straighten a single, skeptical ear.
“W-well, uh…” I stumbled, before quickly getting my act together. “Among a number of new strayu recipes, the main entree for today’s event is called ‘Tamales.’”
“Oooo!” Vuilen beamed. “What’s that, Lackadaisy guy? It sounds awesome!”
“According to Kahnta, it’s a mix of vegetables folded in a spongy strayu wrap and steamed inside a starchy husk. And…” I tilted my ears towards Kadew, “It’s supposedly a specialty that is designed to be eaten during times of celebration with family. Regardless of whether they be by blood, or found.”
Kadew huffed a short breath, before folding her arms. But before she got the chance to speak, Vuilen’s enthused voice overtook it. The black and white wooled Venlil leaned into her smaller Yotul partner and pulled them into a strong hug.
“Hear that, Dew? It’s like this food was MADE for your Running Day!” Vuilen piped, bouncing up and down like a cub and bringing the now deeply blooming Kadew along for the ride. “Well… I guess it literally was, but you know what I mean! Either way, there’s like a million new kinds of strayu foods here! Can you believe that? I think I even saw some sylvanas over on that table there! Can you even begin to wonder what they taste like? Oh my Sol, I’m so excited!”
Kadew, whose previously unimpressed countenance now had more steam coming out of her ears than the tamales off in the distance, stuttered out her response. “Uh– Uhmm– That’s… that’s great…”
“I know right!” Vuilen squealed. “This is going to be the BEST Running Day ever! I’m so happy for you!”
I couldn’t help but giggle out in response to this, something which Fehnel had long since been doing on her own volition. Unfortunately for Kadew, this did nothing to ease the sheer amount of embarrassment already flying around her dazed face.
“Of course, all guests are free to eat their fill, especially those invited by the Claw’s Lady herself,” I said, before gesturing a paw towards Fehnel. “All of it has been covered in advance by our generous sponsor.”
Vuilen retreated from her hug just as quickly as it had started, twisting her attention back towards Fehnel and I. “Really? I still can’t believe you’re just giving away all this for free!”
She walked towards the two of us, leaving a still dazed Kadew behind her, before rushing to give Fehnel herself another brief hug. “Thank you so much again for organizing something like this, ma’am.”
Fehnel returned the embrace, having nothing but pure pride and joy radiate through her voice. “Of course, hun. I hope you and my daughter enjoy your date.”
“Oh we will!” Vuilen replied quickly, pulling back once again. Just as fast, she began making a beeline for the buffet tables, almost disappearing into the crowd of fellow Venlil fluff before her voice was heard once more. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, Dew! I just gotta try some of this stuff before it’s all gone!”
Before she was out of range, I twisted around, raised a paw up to my mouth, and stood up high to help carry my voice after her. “Don’t forget to save room for dessert!”
Turning back, I joined Fehnel once again in her chuckling. It didn’t take long for Fehnel to comment on the situation now that Vuilen was out of earshot.
She leaned over and gently nudged me in the leg with her tail. “She’s a riot, ain’t she? Does my daughter know how to pick em’, or what?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve seen them together in the diner all the time. Honestly, I’ve been wondering how long it was going to take to knit that scarf,” I commented, referencing one of the more common and romantic Venlil courtship rituals.
“Guys I can HEAR YOU!” Kadew yelped, now seemingly freed of her hug-induced daze.
“Oh hun don’t you worry yourself about us,” Fehnel replied, a slight hum to her voice. “Us adults can’t help but watch the young love bloom.”
“That guy’s barely older than I am!” Kadew shot back, raising a finger to point at me.
I raised two paws in defence, much too similar to the way Kenta does when he’s been caught teasing me. “Hey, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it when I see it. You’re doing great, by the way.”
The teasing, however, had been lost on her. I had meant it in good will, but my words had only served to aggravate Kadew, and she huffed out an annoyed breath. Then, she started stomping rapidly in place, her trained legs moving in a blur like overclocked turbines. From even the briefest glance, I could tell that something had been pulling away at her tail, and our comments were doing it no favours.
“Uhh… are you alright?” I asked tentatively.
“ARGH!” she groaned back. “No! No, I am very much NOT alright! Running Day’s here already, I feel like a pile of speh, my fur’s a mess, and I’m FREAKING THE BRAHK OUT!!”
‘Quite the vocabulary on this one, apparently,’ I judged silently, wondering how my mother would have reacted to hearing me talk like that.
“Honey, Vuilen’s not gonna care about any of that silly stuff,” Fehnel said jovially. “Why, I remember bein’ covered in dried mud the first time I went on a date with your father. We went down to the creek together and took turns tossing water at each other. Then, we went down to the local actin’ house and watched a show. But even after all of that, I still had a bit of dried mud crusted on my fur, but your father didn’t mind. Said it gave me ‘character,’ of all the silly things.”
“Isn’t dried mud just dirt?” I asked.
“Naw, see, dirt is sand, silt, and clay, but it only becomes mud when it has a higher content of clay.”
“So then what happens when dirt gets wet but doesn’t have a lot of clay?”
“Wet dirt.”
“Ah.”
“WHAT ARE YOU BRAHKING TALKING ABOUT!?” Kadew squealed in a panic, her stomping had not ceased in the slightest. She threw her paws up and pulled her ears down over her eyes. “Dirt and mud! That’s all that we Yotul talk about apparently! And trains! Can’t forget the brahking trains! Stars above, that’s all people ever say!”
“Trains are cool,” I said indifferently.
“I don’t care!” she huffed, before turning to Fehnel. “Mom. What if Vuilen comes back and sees you talking about dirt? She’ll just see that it’s the only thing a primitive uplift is capable of understanding! Do you really want to prove her right?”
Fehnel looked shocked, but replied nonetheless. “Has… she said something like that before?”
“Well…! No…! But…” Kadew stomped again. “She might, okay!? Especially if she sees you actively talking about it!”
“To be fair, I asked,” I replied. “Besides, Vuilen seems like a smart girl. She wouldn’t make a rash assumption about the Yotul based off some random remark. Relationships are stronger than that. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“What do you know about it!?” Kadew shot back, releasing her ears and letting them perk up to max height. “Unless I missed something, I don’t see you dating any other Venlil in that restaurant of yours! How do you know if any of this is fine!?”
Fehnel’s voice soured immediately. “Kadew! That is no way to talk to our new business partner! He was just tryin’ to help! Apologize this instant!”
Realizing something had shifted without my notice, I tried to mellow my voice in an attempt to calm the situation down. “Oh, that won’t be necessar–”
“No,” Fehnel interrupted. “I refuse to let my daughter be rude to anyone. We might not have much, but we at least have manners.” She turned her attention back to her daughter. “Kadew, if you have a problem, then I want you to tell me about it. If there’s somethin’ we can do to help, then–”
“No no, it’s not…” Kadew replied, bringing two fingers up to pinch the bridge of her snout. “It’s not that…”
“It’s not what?” Fehnel tried to guess. “It’s with Vuilen, isn’t it? You’re afraid she’ll not be able to appreciate the Runnin’ Day? Listen, I know this isn’t Leirn, but Sylvan and I are kickin’ our hardest to make it special for you regardless. Sure, it’s not the most traditional, but I’m sure Vuilen won’t mind! I understand that livin’ on a new planet is taxin’, the gravity here especially, but as foreigners it’s our job to show these nice people where we come from. We’re Yotul, and nothin’ will change that!”
“Mom…” Kadew grunted back, before taking a deep breath.
Before she could speak, Fehnel continued with a proud wag to her tail. “Do you remember what a Runnin’ Day is all about, Kadew? It’s about all the cubs that came of age that year comin’ together and sayin’ that they’ll be fine by themselves. But it’s also about family. It’s about knowin’ that no matter where you run off to, I’ll be there to support you. But you’re makin’ it real hard to do that every time you don’t tell me what the matter is! And if you don’t, how can I make this Runnin’ Day the best it can–”
“But it’s not a Running Day, is it!” Kadew yelled, instantly shutting Fehnel up.
Her mother stared forward blankly, stumbling over a few unclear words. “Wh-what do you…”
“It’s not a Running Day!” Kadew repeated. “It’s not! I mean look around you!” She lifted her arms up dramatically, motioning towards the crowds of unaware Venlil around us. “We’re the only Yotul here! We’re the only two people that even know what a Running Day is, and I’m pretty sure we’re the only people that care!”
I tried to speak, “Umm… I know what a Running Day i–” but the look of animosity Kadew immediately shot my way gave me Jeela flashbacks, and I shut up just as quick.
“Kadew… Hun, that’s not true,” Fehnel tried to defend. “I’m sure they’d be willing to open their minds if we just–”
“What? Tell them all about how great it is to come from an Uplift planet? Talk about brahking DIRT some more!? Careful there Mom, don’t want to spoil their meal!” Kadew continued her berating. “Because you and I both know that the only reason anyone even showed up to this thing is because of that guy’s food!” Another finger was shot out in my direction. “Even you know there’s nothing special about your stupid Uplift culture! There’s nothing here even remotely related to the Yotul! It’s all just Venlil decorations and Venlil food, for our solely Venlil guests! And look!!” She pointed directly at the statue Jeela had placed as the centerpiece. “They have a statue of a Venlil as the center of everything! It’s the star attraction, not us! They couldn’t give a damn about me or Running Day or our culture or… or anything!”
Fehnel appeared to be on the verge of tears.
“And now I’ve got to find some kind of excuse for all this!” Kadew added. “It’s bad enough I had to drag Vuilen into pretending to care about the Yotul. But now the entire town is a part of it too! They’re laughing at us, Mom! Just like at school! Just like everywhere else I go! They’re laughing at us and you’re proud about it!”
From the verge of tears, Fehnel’s voice had croaked into a soft weep. A glimmering stream of water had begun to crawl down the ridge of her rust-coloured face.
“I hate being born a Yotul! I hate this gross, rusty fur! I hate everyone thinking I’m primitive and that I must be in love with trains and steam engines! And I hate you trying to push your culture on me! Cause guess what? I’ve never even seen Leirn! It’s NOT my home and you need to stop pretending it is!”
Fehnel stood simply aghast, the occasional choked-up garble of sounds emerging from her throat. Meanwhile, I stood speechless as well. Obviously, I had accidentally walked in on and been exposed to something that had been going on for quite a while. But even worse, it seems as though I had done nothing but fanned the flame of this long-fueled fire. Instinctively, I began taking a few steps back to give the two their space, which went unnoticed by either party.
Fehnel swallowed, her eyes still welling tears. “I… I…” she tried to say, but no words would form. Instead, she choked on her own voice. And Kadew, who stood waiting for a response, sucked in heavy loads of air in the fleeting hope to catch her breath.
But instead of an answer, all that any of us heard was a scream.
—————————
​
-First- -Previous- -Next (on Patreon)-

The boy who took my heart
but gave it back after crumbling it
Daylan Meadows my first heartbreak, it was truly one of the biggest learning experiences I’ve had so far. I loved him, I really did, and I know he loved me. But, not a single relationship is perfect. We weren't even close to perfect, but it felt perfect. He felt perfect. What I didn't realize was how emotionally damaging that relationship was until I lost him.
It was the summer of 2020, mid June when we first met. I was thirteen and he was seventeen. That night I was with all of my friends, we picked him up from his mamaw's house. At the time we were in different relationships. He was with a girl named Ciara, and was living with her in Berea. I was with a boy named Sam. Which was Daylans cousin, but I had met him through Jayla way before Daylan. But that night I remember seeing him, there was something different and special about him. We all drove around for a while talking and laughing about the most random things. We haven't really talked that night or after, there were times we would catch each other looking at the other. After a week or two Sam and I broke up. Jayla and I wanted to go do something before we packed her stuff to her apartment, so we invited Daylan. While driving around he had asked me how my relationship was going. Before I could say anything, Jayla told him that Sam and I broke up. He told me he was sorry to hear that but when I looked at the rearview mirror he had a big beautiful smile on his face. He started flirting with me, and we instantly connected. He told me how he and Ciara were over but he was still trying to get the stuff his papaw gave him. He never lied to me about their relationship. So we were always hanging out with each other, but he didn’t want everyone knowing, because he didn't want to hurt Sam. We hid it for a little bit. Then one day we were riding around with everyone, me and him were in the back seat. I had laid my head down because I had gotten car sick. When he saw he laid his head down with me making sure I was okay. Afterwards, he laid his hand on my knee showing me he was there for me not caring who saw.
I was falling for him. Everything about him I was falling for, the way his eyes form a yellow sunflower in the brightest baby blue, how they glistened in the sun, the way his big smile could bring light to every dark corner, the freckles that are placed perfectly on his skin, the way his voice made me feel at home, or how his jokes was always funny, but the way he looked at me, the way his skin peacefully touched mine, and the way he spoke to me with love are some of the many reasons I was falling in love with him. There was a night I never wanted to let him go. We laid there, soaking in every moment. He thought I had already fallen asleep, he pulled me in closer rubbing his finger against my cheek. I could feel him looking at me, but not just looking at me he saw me for who I was. He saw me. That’s all I ever wanted, and he gave it to me. The next morning It was just me and him and things started to progress. But the one thing I didn’t want him seeing, he saw. I was waiting for him to judge me, he never did. Instead he asked me why, the one thing no one took the time to ask. I opened up to him and he saw me, he understood me. He helped me. We were never apart, we were figuring out life together. He ended up living with me for a couple months. He was the first person to meet my mom. After we had gone and seen her, we had to stay at my aunt's house after we got back. The day we were leaving she had gotten into an argument with me. A lot of it was because of our age. Then that night he had to go back and live at his mamaws, but he was always there when I needed him. It never made us any different. He never left, he always chose me.
A year goes by 2021, we did everything together, we were experiencing everything together. Even though we had a hard time with our relationship we promised we will get through it together. We facetimed everyday, and sleep on the phone together. We even had a good night saying that we would say every night. We had gotten a dog, her name was lady may. We called her lady. After we had her for a while we had gotten willow. He and I did everything together and we always supported each other. I always made sure everyone knew I was his biggest fan. One time he let me bleach his hair and it had turned out orange. It was the funniest thing ever. We laughed about it for days. It was the little things that truly meant the most. We went to birthday parties, dinners, get-togethers, we were always there for one another. We opened up to each other more about our past. There were times we held each other on my bedroom floor as we cried together. We were learning more about each other everyday. He helped me eat when I couldn't even move out of bed. He would set alarms for every hour, so I could at least take a bite of something. He helped me when everyone was against me. He always stuck up for me. We loved each other more everyday.
After two years 2022, he got his own place, Sam and his dad Matt were also living with him. The relationship was getting hard, he would want me to stay the night with him but wouldn't want me to stay alone with Sam. I had understood why, that wasn't the problem though. The problem was he didn't trust me, so I would have to get Alicia to come over when he worked. Then he would still tell me how he dont trust me. I told him I could go home when he was going to work. Then that would lead to another argument because I didn't want to spend time with him. But we promised we would get through it together, and we did. That September he went 3 hours away for trade school. It sucked at first we missed seeing each other everyday but we still stayed. We got through it together. He came home and signed up for the marines. I didn't know about it until after. At first I was mad he didn't talk to me about it, after i supported him in every way possible. I was so proud of him, I still am. He had come so far in life and was chasing his dreams. How could i not support the boy who was so excited, the boy i loved more than anything, more than myself, the boy i wanted to be happy. He was happy so I supported him and that December he left. We wrote letters back and forth for three months. I was the first person he called when he only had one phone call and hadn't talked to anyone. When he came home it was like we had never been apart. Every little moment meant so much to us. Trying to salvage every ounce of each other before he had to go. Most of the time we sat in bed watching our favorite shows, talking about everything that has happened in the past three months. Then he had to leave all over again.
Summer 2023 was the hardest. He had gone back but was moved to North Carolina. We were doing so good, until we weren't. We argued all the time, he wouldn't call me or he would stay out all night and ignore me. I tried so hard to work it out. We promised we will get through it together. I went to visit him 9 hours away from home with my brother, Savannah, and sissy. The whole time we were there I had a feeling, I didn't know what it was.Then that night I ended up going through his phone. I didn't find anything serious but it did cause an argument. He had blamed it on me because I went through his phone and the only reason he was mad was because I woke him up. But I forgave him and pushed it away. He always apologized and tried to make it up to me, we always got through it together. I had ended up getting home 3 days after, that night we were on FaceTime and he was already asleep. I kept getting the feeling that I wanted to login to his Snapchat. At first I didn’t but the thought of it was making me sick. I knew something wasn’t right, and when I did I found it. I'll never be able to describe the sinking feeling in my chest, the feeling of wanting to throw up because your world is crumbling down, that full minute of silence, betrayal, heartbreak, how every breath felt harder and harder to reach, the way my hands started shaking with nothing but the thoughts racing through my head, and how my knees felt like giving out each step i took when walking down stairs to savannah. I don’t even know how I formed enough words or power to tell her I needed her to come upstairs with me. She could just see the look on my face. Running up the stairs I handed her my phone. Before she could even say anything I was on my knees bawling cursing him. I had woken him up, and he seemed so worried about me. Asking me what was wrong, what happened, am I okay? But I told him I knew about kaylee, the girl he was in the marines with and he went silent. Every question he said nothing, I called him every name in the book. Nothing. After 3 hours he finally told me. And I got off the phone. He checked on me every hour begging me to call him. I had ended things, I was so wrapped up in our relationship that I didn't think I could live without him. But at that moment I could. That was the first time he broke my heart, because even though we got back together, that wasn’t the end of it for him.
Two weeks later we found out I was pregnant, we were fixing everything we were doing well. I was still hurt but I had a baby to worry about now. We were so excited, we were planning everything. Until I started bleeding I knew something was wrong the first time it happened, everyone told me it was normal to spot in your first trimester. After a couple of days of bleeding more I went to the hospital. They did all kinds of tests and told me to come back in forty eight hours to check my hcg levels. When I went back my levels were dropping, they told me to come back in forty eight again. The day I was supposed to go back was horrible. I got up that morning, and was going to make myself some oatmeal. I was washing a bowl out, and got every light headed. I sat down for a minute, once I wasn't light headed anymore I got back up and continued to make the oatmeal. Not even a minute after standing back up I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up at the same time. Savannah was in the kitchen with me and she helped me sit down. She was going to finish making my oatmeal but I had to get up and run to the bathroom. I was trying to throw up but I couldn't. I had put myself on the toilet and pushed. My whole body drained, I was in so much pain. I managed to wipe myself and pull my underwear up, then I was on the floor screaming and crying. Savannah was trying to give me medicine but I was throwing everything up. She had called my sister, once she got there they put me in the car. I was passing in and out from the pain, my sister was rushing me to the hospital. After they took what feels like every test in the world, they finally told me. I was having a miscarriage. At first I didn't know how to feel but that night Savannah laid in bed holding me as I was bawling, asking God why he is doing this to me. Daylan tried to be there but didn’t know how. The next two weeks were really hard. Daylan got to come home, we never talked about the miscarriage. We fought the whole time because I found more stuff on his phone. I promised him I would never touch his phone again that I put it on our baby, and the words I never thought I would hear from him hurt me more than anything I’ve experienced. He told me we didn’t have a baby together. He broke my heart again. Those three weeks we were together again, I would cry almost every day in fear of an argument because I didn't want him out all night drinking. I had to beg him numerous times to not drink, he would be a complete asshole. But at the end of the day I would try and do everything I could to show I was a good girlfriend and that I was worth keeping. Then he left again, we were off and on that whole time nothing really changed. We argued or wouldn’t talk at all, there would be times where we would laugh and joke about everything because we saw each other. We were the only people who knew each other inside and out. The special FaceTime movie nights and how he would beg me to sing him to sleep. That never changed. My love for him always stayed the same. We’ll get through this together. We had to, we promised we would. Maybe this time we can fix it, maybe when he comes back home.
I never thought that when he did come home it would be the last time I saw him. I was so excited to be with him to be able to spend time together. But this would be the time he proves to me that he is changing and becoming better for us. The first night was amazing. We laid on the couch laughing and crying because we didn’t want to let each other go. He asked me if we were going to be okay with tears in his eyes. While holding him I told him yes we are going to be okay we are going to get through this together. He left the next morning. I didn't see him for two days. He told me he was going to hang out with buddies, but I never heard of them until then. I knew something wasn’t right, so I told him that. He told me I have nothing to worry about because he wants to come see me when I get home. On my way to my sisters I was telling Jayla about him going to Leslie co and that’s when she told me a girl named alyssa from there is reacting to his Facebook post. I ended up texting him about it and the whole time he lied to me. So I texted her and she told me the truth, and that indescribable feeling in your chest, the silence, the breaths, it all came flowing back as I’m on the kitchen floor of my sister's house bawling, begging god for us to be okay, begging god to not let me lose him. That’s when he texted me saying we will never be okay and we know that. He broke my heart again. I was begging for him not to go. I was laying in bed that night with the worst ache in my chest begging him to choose me. But he didn’t, after three years and everything we’ve been through he didn’t choose me. As my world was crumbling he handed me my crumble up heart, and chose hers. I packed up everything over the past three years for him to come get. And he did, he held me for the last time as I buried my wet face into where his neck met his shoulder. I wanted to memorize his scent as he drove away. I watched him turn away to leave and I swear to you I wanted to scream. I wanted to run after him, I wanted to beg him one more time to choose me, to love me, I wanted him. Then he drove away perfectly fine, not looking back, leaving me and my crumbled heart behind.
It’s been six months. You didn't tell me happy birthday three months ago, I waited all day. It was so hard at first, I didn't know how to be without him. He’s all I’ve ever known. But now I've felt so relieved and happy. I made plans to actually hang out with my friends again, focus on school and I've passed all of my classes for the first time in years. I know he would be so proud of me, we would be celebrating. I’ve hardly cried. And I still miss him everyday and hope for a text or call. He meant the world to me, he was honestly my best friend. I wouldn't change anything about us, I would never choose anyone else to go through it with. I will always care for him, and I'll forever wish he would come back one day so we can make it right. Maybe one day when we have grown up our paths will lead us back to each other, and we won't give up. But right now I feel like myself again. And they seem happy together. I would never want to get in their way or ruin their relationship. All I want is for him to be happy and if she's what makes him happy that's good enough for me. Although I was scared to lose him, I now love myself. I love him and I always will, but with loving him, I figured out how to love myself because Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I hope love never fails you, I hope you never have to question your worth, I hope you find peace in your sad moments because hunny you deserve the world and its entirety. You're a reminder that there is love on the hardest days. A reminder that even though I was in a bad place, I don’t need anyone but myself to be happy and honest. You showed me everything I was capable of. You showed me the importance of loving myself before I lose myself. You showed me how important I am to others. I lost myself through it all but in the end I picked myself back up and continued walking forward. I finally see myself with love and beauty, as if all my insecurities had gone away. I see myself how you once saw me. I know how happy you would be for me and all of my accomplishments. You would be hyping me up for days, you would remind me every hour that I'm doing amazing, how proud you are, and how you knew I could do it. I just wish you realize before it’s too late, you need to love yourself before others. You could lose yourself on the way. Not all stories have a happy ending, but ours had a happy middle and beginning and that will always be enough because it means that we are a story worth remembering. That our love was real, because loving you is easy and letting go is hard. I so deeply love you Daylan Meadows. I hope one day we can come together, and love won’t fail us. So please don't forget the songs we listened to, or the things we talked about, the little inside jokes we had, or the laughs we shared. Please don't forget my smile, or the sound of my voice. Just please don't forget me.
Love, Neo<3

This is going to be a long story y’all, buckle up!
My father, Matthew, has always been an unstable man. When I was growing up, he would regularly lash out physically and verbally towards those closest to him, but he would put on a façade when around anyone else. Those who are closest to him know just how awful a person he is yet how good he is a covering it all up to convince people outside the family that everything is ok.
My mother and father had gotten divorced when I was young and I, along with my two siblings, would go to his house on the weekends. When we lived at his house, he would never let us go outside, he would forget to feed us, he would make us do chores to clean up after him, he had cameras all over the house, and he would lash out violently if his standards weren’t met.
When I was 14~, I stopped going to Matt’s house. I had forgotten a book at my mom’s house that I needed for homework over the weekend, and I asked Matt if my stepdad could drop it off out front of the house so that I could get it done still. Matt started to yell at me saying how forgetful I am and how my stepdad is not allowed anywhere near the house and all these other nonsense things and then demanded that I hand over my phone to him and that I was grounded for the weekend.
I yelled back at my dad that he doesn’t pay for the phone, Mom does, so he has no right to take it from me. He did not take this kindly and proceeded to tackle me into the doorframe to get the phone out of my hand.
Now, keep in mind, I was a small kid growing up and he is a very fat man that was much taller than me at the time. I got a serious bruise on my shoulder.
After being tackled, I took off into the street running every which way to hide from him. I did not want to be hurt like that by him ever again. I found solace in an old man’s house after I had run for 20 or so minutes. We called the police and my parents and that was the last day that I would speak to my father for the next four years.

Fast forward 4 years, my great grandmother (Nan) who is Matthew’s grandmother was in the hospital and her condition was grim. Her organs were shutting down one by one due to her age.
Nan meant so much to me, when I got my driver's license her house was the first place that I went to. I would drive to see her as often as I could, and I would keep her up to date on everything that was happening in my life. And when she fell ill was no exception, I was glued to her bedside all day every day.
I was a senior in high school when she was sick and all I needed to graduate was an English credit, so I got out of school at 10:30 every day. Once Nan was hospitalized, I was there by her side from 11am to 11pm on most days. I talked with her for hours about her life, about meeting my Pap, about how her siblings had passed in a fire when she was young, and everything else under the stars.
For almost 30 days in a row, I was there for her, calling off work and putting my life on hold just so that I could be there for what was left of hers. She had many visitors, some family members came from Nebraska, Florida, and hours away by car just to spend time with her in her last days. One person that was absent, however, was Matthew.
Matthew was raised by Nan growing up. His mom had him when she was way too young. In fact, my father was the product of my grandmother’s sister’s husband and my grandmother. So, my Nan raised him instead.
At first, my Nan would ask when Matthew was going to stop by, but over the month she asked less and less.
They moved her to a hospital that was closer to her home and the rest of her family, and I kept going to see her, but this time the commute was an hour instead of 10 minutes. This hospital was conveniently located 5 minutes away from Matthew's house, but still no sign of him. Not until things took a turn for the worst that is.
My Nan’s condition was getting very bad and my grandmother, Matthew’s mom, had asked me to go and pick up my Nan’s husband because everyone thought that this was the last chance that they would have to see each other. Little did I know, as I was out to get Pap, my gram had called my dad and told him that this was it and he had to come and say goodbye.
When I returned with Pap, my dad and his girlfriend were there at her bedside for the first time since she had fallen ill. The moment I saw my dad, I started to shut down. I feared him. Even though it could have been the last time that I could have seen my Nan, I left the room to cry in the hallway. This is the man that had abused me, my siblings, and my mom for so many years yet now all of a sudden, he was there like he was the golden child.
After having only been there for about an hour, my dad and his girlfriend decided that it was time to leave. My gram turned to me and told me that my dad loves me still and he didn’t mean any of that stuff from the past and that he wanted to talk to me. Idiotically, I listened to her and walked after him and his girlfriend and called out, saying, “dad, do you have a minute?”
He snapped back with “no, I don’t” and then grabbed a nurse and told her that “this kid is following me, and I don’t feel safe enough to walk to my car, I need security to make sure he doesn’t harm me”
I broke down and asked him if he even remembered me or if he cared enough to ever want to reconcile with me and his girlfriend chimed that I need to leave him alone and that I don’t understand what he’s going through.
If there was any part of this story that I regret, it is what I said next. My dad’s girlfriend was born and raised in Germany and had talked about German history and that sort of thing with us in the past, and well... she didn’t denounce what the N@zi's did, let's just say that.
I told her “Shut up you stupid kraut, I’m not talking to you”
After this my dad yelled at me in the hospital and said “way to show your true colors, I knew I was right about you all along”
The next morning on my drive to the hospital I got a call from an attorney saying that Matthew had filed an emergency protection from abuse against me (my state doesn’t do restraining orders, but just think that).
In my state there are 2 types of PFA’s, EPFAs and regular ones. The kind that my dad filed against me was the Emergency kind that would get immediately granted in order to protect the person that filed from imminent dangeserious harm, then they would retroactively checkup to see if the EPFA was warranted after it was filed.
This meant that I could not go and see Nan again, not as long as I had this EPFA hanging over my head.
The claim that Matthew made against me, his own son, had so many errors and made-up nonsense. For example, he said that I am 6’2”, 220lbs, brown eyes, mentally unstable/dangerous, threatened his life, that I own guns and that he fears I’d use them on him, that I abuse my brother and sister, that I abuse my Nan, that I followed him to his car and all of these other things. He even spelled my name wrong in the document. A name that HE gave to me.
At most I’m 5’10”, 160lbs, green eyes and never shot a gun before, you get the picture. All of it was nonsense. The judge didn’t know that though when he filed it, he just heard a story of a crazed man who owns guns and wants to use them.
I got in contact with a lawyer once I got off the phone and tried to find any way around this so that I could go and see my Nan before she passed.
Unfortunately, I was too late. My Nan passed the next day, and I could not say goodbye. She had her funeral (which she asked me to sing at) and was buried all before I could get this EPFA overturned so that I could go and see her.
I missed all of it and Matthew got to walk away unscathed.
This happened a year ago and I am just finally getting it off my chest. I don’t even care if anyone reads this, I just wanted to type it.
If it makes anyone feel better, my dad was a middle school music teacher, but wasn’t allowed to go work around kids this year because of another lawsuit that he got himself.

-First- -Previous- -Next (on Patreon)-
—————————
My second to last quarter just ended and I'm pretty swamped with final reports right now, but I'm almost through. Not to mention, the next seven weeks are going to be pretty light because of a sudden lack of classes, since I busted my butt finishing up my remaining credits. I've decided to dedicate this time to (among other things) a writing frenzy! I wanna get some serioussss backlogs up because who knows how busy I'm going to be after graduation. (Not to mention, I'm having some troubles getting my VISA renewed, but that's a personal issue).
Anyways, don't wanna bore you with irl stuff. You're here for food and gay furry romance! So as always, I hope you enjoy reading! :D
—————————
Thank you to Philodox on discord for proofreading and editing RfD.
Thank you to Pampanope on reddit for the cover art.
—————————
Memory Transcript Subject: Sylvan, Venlil Citizen
Date: [Standardized Human Time]: December 13, 2136
​
It wasn’t too long that I was absent from the event. Sure, Kenta and I had run into a few hiccups when trying to load up the cart, but that was to be expected. Just looking at the absolute behemoth of an edible pile that he had somehow been able to put together in such a short amount of time, it was a wonder just how we were able to fit them all on there in the first place. And the promise that there was still more yet to be brought out had left me astonished. If I hadn’t already seen the ravenous vortex of Venlil that had so efficiently done away with the other dishes, I might have actually been worried about leftovers.
The food in question, long tubes made out of some kind of starchy form of strayu and packaged in an even starchier husk, were stacked in circular pyramids atop three large trays. As it turned out, this delicacy was the same “Tamale” recipe that I had heard mentioned the day before, the sheer amount being the product of Kenta’s, Julio’s, and even Jeela’s preparations. Unfortunately, I hadn’t received the full explanation of what they were just yet, but Kenta had thankfully given me at least a quick rundown.
Using the same steaming methods as the gyoza, these tamales had been folded carefully over a mix of fresh, crisp vegetables whose scent floated around each in a rich aura. They were hot out of the steamer, a cloud of gaseous water encircling the air above it in a decadent plume. If I hadn’t known better, with the combined mass of the tamales and the sheer volume of steam they collectively released, it might have made me believe the cart itself to be on fire. But of course, there was no such thing, and the cloud that spread into the sky only served to sweeten the air.
As I rolled out the cart, I looked at one last addition to the ensemble. There in a large bowl was something that Kenta hadn’t mentioned in the slightest when explaining the recipe and reasonings behind the tamales, and I had been so urgent to get these out the door that I’d forgotten to press for more details. It had been left in the refrigerator since the day before, which I had only noticed when doing inventory after the fiasco of event preparations.
‘It completely slipped my mind until now… I’m glad I didn’t forget it. Especially after what that note said.’
When I had found the bowl, a small piece of paper had been taped to it. On which, an alien text had been inscribed that required me to use my visual translator to make any sense of. It had been nothing but obvious that holding up the translator informed me that the language was indeed Terran. But what confused me was that instead of the morphemic script that I had come to slightly recognize from Kenta’s subculture, it instead appeared to be something more alphabetic.
On it, the note simply read: “Make sure to serve this with the tamales, my friend. Don’t forget!”
Additionally, below those words had appeared to be an additional message. That one, however, was partially scribbled out. When I scanned that one as well, the translator had taken a long time to process, and its output remained considerably fractured: “**od l*ck wit* y*u* n*w boyf***nd.”
Having not thought much of the note, I had just barely remembered to retrieve the bowl from the fridge and put it on the card while Kenta was off busy grabbing one last batch of tamales before rushing me out the door. I shook it out of my mind for the time being. After all, right now there were more pressing things to manage.
Wheeling the cart back outside, I was hit with the briefest shortage of breath. It had only been a momentary respite, but shifting from the quiet of the empty diner to the lively atmosphere of a crowded party would never not be a shock. By now, enough people had shown up that the event could already be considered at max capacity. People from all over filled the street, chatting and conversing in a rambunctious, lively gusto.
To see so many people take the time out of their schedules and come down to my family’s diner just because of the promise of our food… It was almost overwhelming, enough to bring a brief tear to the eye reminiscent of my reaction to that very first wave of people Ginro had brought soon after I first hired Kenta. I took a moment just to bask in it. A feeling I had all but begun to grow almost too accustomed to. A feeling of success, and of pride. And as I once again continued pushing the cart past the crowds of chatty party attendees, along with the piles of wool that it entailed, that feeling continued to pour into me. It was all almost too much to hear at once.
“Hey Sylvan! Great party!” said one voice to my left.
“Amazing food as always, Lackadaisy guy! I can’t get enough of these little strayu things in the salad!” piped another to my right.
“Ooooo! What are those things?” asked one more as I passed by them, who excitedly eyed up the stack of tamales I was delivering.
I laughed along and chatted with people on my way to one of the tables, chuckling at their jokes and accepting their praise on behalf of both myself and the mysterious ‘Kahnta.’ With each pleased guest and hungry gaze, I couldn’t help but feel myself bloom in sheer joy at the tidal wave of enthusiastic complements.
That was… until one otherwise innocent comment sounded from behind me.
“So you’re telling me this was all made by one chef?” they asked one of their friends, not intending me to hear as they talked with their mouth half stuffed with food. Looking closer, I could see that they were two Gojids chatting with one another. “Better enjoy it now, I guess. Not gonna be long before some fancy place in the Capital comes and recruits them. Honestly, if the owner of this place wants to have any hope of holding on to them, he better marry them or something.”
The partygoer’s friend laughed, “Well if he doesn’t, then I will! Can you imagine eating something like this every day?”
I couldn’t help but bloom even more overhearing this. But this was a different kind of feeling. Not the gentle warmth of normal delight, but instead the torrid heat of surging emotions. And as I began nonchalantly transferring the steaming tamales to one of the tables, these emotions steamed to the surface of my mind as well.
It was a mix of things that fueled my silent reaction. At first, the implication of asking Kenta into matehood was… well it was certainly something. I was sure the two Gojids were simply making innocent remarks, assuming that the lie about my precious chef being another, completely ordinary Venlil was correct, not realizing in the slightest just how much the implication left me flummoxed. And in normal circumstances, it would have been just that, a simple perk of the ears and a brief daydream of something so far away from me. But after yesterday, things had changed.
The previous day had been eventful, to say the least. I had eaten some amazing pastries and listened to an even more amazing alien melody. Only for it all to come crashing down when my idiotic brain forgot to turn back on the translator before pouring out my entire menagerie of pent up emotions before Kenta. My one chance to seize an opportunity at the height of a courageous high, only to tumble and fall flat during the execution. Even worse, I couldn’t muster the bravery to say the same thing even one more time.
I had completely blown it. And needless to say, I wasn’t exactly keen on remembering my mistakes from that previous day, especially during such a pivotal event. The only mediocre condolence I could take from the whole ordeal being the opportunity of waking up next to Kenta that same day. But even that was cut much too short by the mad rush to get preparation ready for the event.
‘I can still remember how warm he felt… And how peaceful he looked when his eyes were closed…’ I thought to myself in deep reminiscence.
“Hey there Sylvan!”
‘I can’t get it out of my head…! Ugh! I wish it wasn’t just a one time thing…’
“Sylvan?”
‘If we really were together romantically, then maybe I could see that every day… But that’s not–’
“Sylvan!!”
The moment my attention was pulled away from my internal thoughts, I audibly bleated out a high pitched noise of surprise, “Eeep!”
My ears jutted up and my tail straightened like a steel beam. My attention shifted over to my side, where I soon realized Fehnel now stood. She had her paws held firmly on her hips, with a head tilted to the side in a half puzzled, half amused demeanor. Then, when I realized I had been staring a little too long without saying anything, I quickly turned my attention back to the table.
“Oh hey Fehnel!” I stuttered out. “Didn’t see you there!”
“Sorry if I sneaked up on ya, hun,” Fehnel replied with a single wag of the tail. “Got somethin’ on the mind, I’m assumin’?”
The image of Kenta and I huddled together on my couch flashed through my mind once more, before I quickly shook it away. “Uhhhh… Nope! I’m just really focussing here on getting these tamales out.”
“‘Tamales,’ huh?” Fehnel chuckled. “Well between this and that ‘gee-yo-za’ stuff, I think I’m startin’ to give up on predictin’ what crazy name Kahnta’ll come up with next.”
“Yeah it’s pretty… uh–” I coughed awkwardly, clearing something nonexistent out of my throat. “It’s pretty creative.”
“You can say that again. By this point, they’re startin’ to sound almost alien!” Fehnel laughed again, and I cringed as the irony fell over deaf ears. “But hey, who am I to judge! I mean, to me all the stuff on this planet is alien, so what’s another ‘Tamale’ added to the pile, yeah?”
I had to stop my ears and head from shrinking too far towards the ground.
“Anyways, I’m assumin’ these are the actual foods I requested Kahnta to create, right?” Fehnel continued to ask.
“Uh– Y-yeah, yes they ar–” I tried to say before one of Fehnel’s paws suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist.
“Great!” she beamed, before dragging me away into one of the many chatty piles of fluffy wool that constituted our event.
It didn’t take more than a few rushed steps before I was suddenly pulled in front of another Yotul and Venlil, who I did well to recognize immediately. It seemed as though Kadew and Vuilen had arrived, the former of which looking just about as nervous as I had expected. Vuilen, on the other paw, was anything but. Her tail was wagging furiously, almost impossibly giddy with enthusiasm as her ears shifted around a swivel, likely allowing every new smell and sound to pull her attention to and fro.
Fehnel dragged me forward and plopped me down right in front of the two, before saying, “Tell them what you just told me.”
Vuilen leaned forward, bestowing me her full attention, while Kadew remained stationary, only doing as much as to straighten a single, skeptical ear.
“W-well, uh…” I stumbled, before quickly getting my act together. “Among a number of new strayu recipes, the main entree for today’s event is called ‘Tamales.’”
“Oooo!” Vuilen beamed. “What’s that, Lackadaisy guy? It sounds awesome!”
“According to Kahnta, it’s a mix of vegetables folded in a spongy strayu wrap and steamed inside a starchy husk. And…” I tilted my ears towards Kadew, “It’s supposedly a specialty that is designed to be eaten during times of celebration with family. Regardless of whether they be by blood, or found.”
Kadew huffed a short breath, before folding her arms. But before she got the chance to speak, Vuilen’s enthused voice overtook it. The black and white wooled Venlil leaned into her smaller Yotul partner and pulled them into a strong hug.
“Hear that, Dew? It’s like this food was MADE for your Running Day!” Vuilen piped, bouncing up and down like a cub and bringing the now deeply blooming Kadew along for the ride. “Well… I guess it literally was, but you know what I mean! Either way, there’s like a million new kinds of strayu foods here! Can you believe that? I think I even saw some sylvanas over on that table there! Can you even begin to wonder what they taste like? Oh my Sol, I’m so excited!”
Kadew, whose previously unimpressed countenance now had more steam coming out of her ears than the tamales off in the distance, stuttered out her response. “Uh– Uhmm– That’s… that’s great…”
“I know right!” Vuilen squealed. “This is going to be the BEST Running Day ever! I’m so happy for you!”
I couldn’t help but giggle out in response to this, something which Fehnel had long since been doing on her own volition. Unfortunately for Kadew, this did nothing to ease the sheer amount of embarrassment already flying around her dazed face.
“Of course, all guests are free to eat their fill, especially those invited by the Claw’s Lady herself,” I said, before gesturing a paw towards Fehnel. “All of it has been covered in advance by our generous sponsor.”
Vuilen retreated from her hug just as quickly as it had started, twisting her attention back towards Fehnel and I. “Really? I still can’t believe you’re just giving away all this for free!”
She walked towards the two of us, leaving a still dazed Kadew behind her, before rushing to give Fehnel herself another brief hug. “Thank you so much again for organizing something like this, ma’am.”
Fehnel returned the embrace, having nothing but pure pride and joy radiate through her voice. “Of course, hun. I hope you and my daughter enjoy your date.”
“Oh we will!” Vuilen replied quickly, pulling back once again. Just as fast, she began making a beeline for the buffet tables, almost disappearing into the crowd of fellow Venlil fluff before her voice was heard once more. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, Dew! I just gotta try some of this stuff before it’s all gone!”
Before she was out of range, I twisted around, raised a paw up to my mouth, and stood up high to help carry my voice after her. “Don’t forget to save room for dessert!”
Turning back, I joined Fehnel once again in her chuckling. It didn’t take long for Fehnel to comment on the situation now that Vuilen was out of earshot.
She leaned over and gently nudged me in the leg with her tail. “She’s a riot, ain’t she? Does my daughter know how to pick em’, or what?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve seen them together in the diner all the time. Honestly, I’ve been wondering how long it was going to take to knit that scarf,” I commented, referencing one of the more common and romantic Venlil courtship rituals.
“Guys I can HEAR YOU!” Kadew yelped, now seemingly freed of her hug-induced daze.
“Oh hun don’t you worry yourself about us,” Fehnel replied, a slight hum to her voice. “Us adults can’t help but watch the young love bloom.”
“That guy’s barely older than I am!” Kadew shot back, raising a finger to point at me.
I raised two paws in defence, much too similar to the way Kenta does when he’s been caught teasing me. “Hey, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it when I see it. You’re doing great, by the way.”
The teasing, however, had been lost on her. I had meant it in good will, but my words had only served to aggravate Kadew, and she huffed out an annoyed breath. Then, she started stomping rapidly in place, her trained legs moving in a blur like overclocked turbines. From even the briefest glance, I could tell that something had been pulling away at her tail, and our comments were doing it no favours.
“Uhh… are you alright?” I asked tentatively.
“ARGH!” she groaned back. “No! No, I am very much NOT alright! Running Day’s here already, I feel like a pile of speh, my fur’s a mess, and I’m FREAKING THE BRAHK OUT!!”
‘Quite the vocabulary on this one, apparently,’ I judged silently, wondering how my mother would have reacted to hearing me talk like that.
“Honey, Vuilen’s not gonna care about any of that silly stuff,” Fehnel said jovially. “Why, I remember bein’ covered in dried mud the first time I went on a date with your father. We went down to the creek together and took turns tossing water at each other. Then, we went down to the local actin’ house and watched a show. But even after all of that, I still had a bit of dried mud crusted on my fur, but your father didn’t mind. Said it gave me ‘character,’ of all the silly things.”
“Isn’t dried mud just dirt?” I asked.
“Naw, see, dirt is sand, silt, and clay, but it only becomes mud when it has a higher content of clay.”
“So then what happens when dirt gets wet but doesn’t have a lot of clay?”
“Wet dirt.”
“Ah.”
“WHAT ARE YOU BRAHKING TALKING ABOUT!?” Kadew squealed in a panic, her stomping had not ceased in the slightest. She threw her paws up and pulled her ears down over her eyes. “Dirt and mud! That’s all that we Yotul talk about apparently! And trains! Can’t forget the brahking trains! Stars above, that’s all people ever say!”
“Trains are cool,” I said indifferently.
“I don’t care!” she huffed, before turning to Fehnel. “Mom. What if Vuilen comes back and sees you talking about dirt? She’ll just see that it’s the only thing a primitive uplift is capable of understanding! Do you really want to prove her right?”
Fehnel looked shocked, but replied nonetheless. “Has… she said something like that before?”
“Well…! No…! But…” Kadew stomped again. “She might, okay!? Especially if she sees you actively talking about it!”
“To be fair, I asked,” I replied. “Besides, Vuilen seems like a smart girl. She wouldn’t make a rash assumption about the Yotul based off some random remark. Relationships are stronger than that. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“What do you know about it!?” Kadew shot back, releasing her ears and letting them perk up to max height. “Unless I missed something, I don’t see you dating any other Venlil in that restaurant of yours! How do you know if any of this is fine!?”
Fehnel’s voice soured immediately. “Kadew! That is no way to talk to our new business partner! He was just tryin’ to help! Apologize this instant!”
Realizing something had shifted without my notice, I tried to mellow my voice in an attempt to calm the situation down. “Oh, that won’t be necessar–”
“No,” Fehnel interrupted. “I refuse to let my daughter be rude to anyone. We might not have much, but we at least have manners.” She turned her attention back to her daughter. “Kadew, if you have a problem, then I want you to tell me about it. If there’s somethin’ we can do to help, then–”
“No no, it’s not…” Kadew replied, bringing two fingers up to pinch the bridge of her snout. “It’s not that…”
“It’s not what?” Fehnel tried to guess. “It’s with Vuilen, isn’t it? You’re afraid she’ll not be able to appreciate the Runnin’ Day? Listen, I know this isn’t Leirn, but Sylvan and I are kickin’ our hardest to make it special for you regardless. Sure, it’s not the most traditional, but I’m sure Vuilen won’t mind! I understand that livin’ on a new planet is taxin’, the gravity here especially, but as foreigners it’s our job to show these nice people where we come from. We’re Yotul, and nothin’ will change that!”
“Mom…” Kadew grunted back, before taking a deep breath.
Before she could speak, Fehnel continued with a proud wag to her tail. “Do you remember what a Runnin’ Day is all about, Kadew? It’s about all the cubs that came of age that year comin’ together and sayin’ that they’ll be fine by themselves. But it’s also about family. It’s about knowin’ that no matter where you run off to, I’ll be there to support you. But you’re makin’ it real hard to do that every time you don’t tell me what the matter is! And if you don’t, how can I make this Runnin’ Day the best it can–”
“But it’s not a Running Day, is it!” Kadew yelled, instantly shutting Fehnel up.
Her mother stared forward blankly, stumbling over a few unclear words. “Wh-what do you…”
“It’s not a Running Day!” Kadew repeated. “It’s not! I mean look around you!” She lifted her arms up dramatically, motioning towards the crowds of unaware Venlil around us. “We’re the only Yotul here! We’re the only two people that even know what a Running Day is, and I’m pretty sure we’re the only people that care!”
I tried to speak, “Umm… I know what a Running Day i–” but the look of animosity Kadew immediately shot my way gave me Jeela flashbacks, and I shut up just as quick.
“Kadew… Hun, that’s not true,” Fehnel tried to defend. “I’m sure they’d be willing to open their minds if we just–”
“What? Tell them all about how great it is to come from an Uplift planet? Talk about brahking DIRT some more!? Careful there Mom, don’t want to spoil their meal!” Kadew continued her berating. “Because you and I both know that the only reason anyone even showed up to this thing is because of that guy’s food!” Another finger was shot out in my direction. “Even you know there’s nothing special about your stupid Uplift culture! There’s nothing here even remotely related to the Yotul! It’s all just Venlil decorations and Venlil food, for our solely Venlil guests! And look!!” She pointed directly at the statue Jeela had placed as the centerpiece. “They have a statue of a Venlil as the center of everything! It’s the star attraction, not us! They couldn’t give a damn about me or Running Day or our culture or… or anything!”
Fehnel appeared to be on the verge of tears.
“And now I’ve got to find some kind of excuse for all this!” Kadew added. “It’s bad enough I had to drag Vuilen into pretending to care about the Yotul. But now the entire town is a part of it too! They’re laughing at us, Mom! Just like at school! Just like everywhere else I go! They’re laughing at us and you’re proud about it!”
From the verge of tears, Fehnel’s voice had croaked into a soft weep. A glimmering stream of water had begun to crawl down the ridge of her rust-coloured face.
“I hate being born a Yotul! I hate this gross, rusty fur! I hate everyone thinking I’m primitive and that I must be in love with trains and steam engines! And I hate you trying to push your culture on me! Cause guess what? I’ve never even seen Leirn! It’s NOT my home and you need to stop pretending it is!”
Fehnel stood simply aghast, the occasional choked-up garble of sounds emerging from her throat. Meanwhile, I stood speechless as well. Obviously, I had accidentally walked in on and been exposed to something that had been going on for quite a while. But even worse, it seems as though I had done nothing but fanned the flame of this long-fueled fire. Instinctively, I began taking a few steps back to give the two their space, which went unnoticed by either party.
Fehnel swallowed, her eyes still welling tears. “I… I…” she tried to say, but no words would form. Instead, she choked on her own voice. And Kadew, who stood waiting for a response, sucked in heavy loads of air in the fleeting hope to catch her breath.
But instead of an answer, all that any of us heard was a scream.
—————————
​
-First- -Previous- -Next (on Patreon)-

I am seeking advice regarding a potential who reconnected after ending things the first time. He and I met online and asked one another questions to establish compatibility for a couple days.
We then made it a point to both pray Istikhara before moving forward. Just before, we were discussing differing opinions on a certain topic; otherwise, we were compatible in many regards (and very important ones). Post-Istikhara, he told me he didn't think it would be a good idea to proceed because of difference in our views on some things. He misunderstood my stances, so I clarified them, and we both prayed Istikhara again. Both times, I felt positive about moving forward. But the second time, he still felt in his heart that it would be best to part ways. I respected his decision, especially because it reinstilled peace in his heart.
I will not lie and say I wasn't devastated. I believe this was a test from Allah and alhamdulillah, I became content with what happened. That took place two months ago. Since then, all I've been doing is making du'a for him. I genuinely wish him the best.
Now, he expressed that he's been having this feeling that he misinterpreted Allah's guidance that hasn't died down for those two months, even though he is a decisive person. He said he reflected on our conversations and realized how compatible we truly were. He prayed Istikhara before reaching out and felt nothing. I advised him to pray it consistently and consult with his parents. Mind you, when we were messaging, I had informed my parents I was speaking to someone so they were at least aware, but he didn't. He thinks not involving parents earlier was the reason he felt unease from his Istikhara prayer. I prayed Istikhara too, and he got back to me saying he prayed some more times and he felt positive about trying again, including after consulting with his parents.
I know he has been in contact with other potentials during the time before reaching out and that he didn't see matches with them (he posted that on a public forum). Does that mean he reached out to me as a back-up? I feel like he rejected me thinking he would find others like me but realized that was not the case. I obviously don't want to be with someone who sees me as a second option. I prayed Istikhara and I still feel unsure. Could it be that he genuinely reassessed the situation and realized the differences we had could be discussed? He was so certain that we wouldn't be compatible in the long run because of those differences before, but didn't mention anything about that now.
I'm definitely going to step away from the situation and take time to make my decision while praying Istikhara and pursuing other options, so any advice I can consider as part of Istihara.

The Context:
This is for campaign mode only. It's for newer players, or players with some experience that are struggling to get those consistent wins on extreme. It's a different way of looking at how to move through a mission, not just as an individual player in random public lobbies, but also for teams that play together consistently, by basically killing less to win more often, like the title says, I wanted to make this shorter, but there wasn't much way to compress it.
First:
A mission is divided into sections. A stealth section, a horde battle, a typically non-stealth section, and then a final horde battle. There are exceptions, such as NY 4, which is just one long stealth section (if you can maintain it), and a horde battle.
There is no reason why a team should not finish a stealth section with every teammate having full health, full equipment, and a heavy weapon, and usually a medical item for everyone. Yet, that seems to happen so rarely in public lobbies. This guide will discuss how to make that happen a lot more often.
The Stealth Section:
When a mission starts, especially in a random lobby, everyone is ready to slay some zeke. I am ready to NOT slay zeke. I only slay zeke if I NEED to. I switch to my 1911 protector. As you start out, walk.
One out of the four players on the team will probably attempt to "take point", or stay in the lead. Just let them. If they sprint, let them go. If they get knocked down, and are far away, make no attempt to get them. You'll have to rush across the map to do so, and rushing across the map is always a bad idea. You'll encounter whatever it was that killed them, sooner or later, so take care of it at that time, and not before.
Perhaps they will stop sprinting away from everyone if that keeps happening to them. If they don't get knocked down and successfully kill everything, then you didn't need to run after them anyway. As long as they didn't break stealth before they went down, nothing has changed for the rest of the team.
When Someone Else Is Taking Point:
If they walk, stay about ten feet behind, in case they have to stop and shoot something, and if they get jumped by a lurker shoot the lurker. If they are easily killing every zeke along the way and you don't need to kill any, then don't kill any. Pretty simple. If you're not eager to kill, you won't accidentally shoot the person in the lead if they need to slash some zeke and start bouncing around the screen. You won't feel the need to try and get in front of the team and get accidentally shot.
If the person leading keeps getting knocked down, as long as they aren't breaking stealth, it should be easy enough to pick them up if they are only 10 feet away. Perhaps they will stop taking point if they keep getting knocked down.
Use your time "not killing" to help search for extra weapons and equipment. Ping various, things for your team, look for breaching charges, grab the virus, explore the scenery, enjoy the casual stroll, etc...
When You Take Point:
If you are the player taking point, you actually will have to kill more, but the rest of the team should all be killing less, instead. Unless someone on the team causes a swarm, there won't be much to kill before you reach the first horde battle.
If the rest of the team isn't always rushing to try and take the lead from you to kill everything, and is in no rush at all, take your time and be careful as you kill. There will be no pressure on you to hurry, and a calm killer is always more effective.
Check each corner for lurkers as you go. Make sure nothing explosive is behind any zeke you will be shooting. Take some time to line up head shots and scan for sleeping zeke. I like the 1911 in stealth sections. Even a brand new player has a silenced 1911, so this is weapon every player can use.
The Conclusion:
If stealth is broken, and swarms are called in, you will all end up having to kill more than you would if you didn't call in a swarm. But if you move calm and slow, using this approach, and stealth was maintained, if one player has 47 kills, and the other 3 players each have 1 or 2, then good job.
If everyone has full health and equipment, a heavy weapon, medical items, perhaps a virus and a breaching charge or two, when you arrive at the first horde battle your chances of succeeding in that battle are greatly increased. That is what your goal should be, not getting the most kills.
If every time you and your team play extreme, it's always like that when you reach the first horde battle, that will greatly increase your chances of winning that first horde battle, and that in turn will increase your chances of beating the mission.
Kill Less To Win More Often
"They should be running from ME!" - Sho Sugiyama

So, for some context: I've (26nb) been in a relationship with my partner (44m) for about 2 and a half years. I was struggling pretty hard with drinking when we became involved, but I was extremely upfront about that, the extent to which it affected me, and that it may be difficult to have a relationship for that reason. He decided he wanted to date me anyway, but part of the strain we're experiencing is because though I've become far more sober than I was, I still struggle with it. I accept that part of our conflict as my responsibility, and am doing my best to work on it (trying to find a therapist I click with, attending some online meetings, trying to add structure to my life where I can, etc). That's not really why I'm writing this.
TLDR; I'm realizing I've lost a lot of my identity in this relationship, that it revolves pretty heavily around my partner's comfort, and that there's a pretty jarring lack of reciprocity in our relationship in a lot of ways (enumerated in the following novel, sorry this is so long).
I feel like our conversations are often one-sided, or there's not room for me to have feelings that aren't accommodating to him. Many of our conversations are retellings of my partners' run ins with famous musicians and past opportunities to be a career musician, successful pranks he pulled as a teenager, and listening to his old projects. That never used to bother me; now, I often feel like a receptacle for everything that feeds his ego. If I repeat a story, he tells me he's heard that like twenty times before, or sometimes, "why would you tell me that" if it's a story related to addiction (he has also experienced addiction, and I let him talk about that without judgement). I don't make him feel less than for sharing the same things he has already or for sharing difficult experiences, and I don't understand why he can't offer me the same.
I don't think he really knows a lot of sides of me that I view as integral to who I am. I realized recently, that though I was in art school before we met, was a prolific songwriter and poet, he hasn't expressed interest in seeing any of my art. I think he heard maybe one of my songs when we first started hanging out, and never expressed interest in what I was working on or the things I've made like I do for him. Since we've been dating, I've maybe written one poem, and stopped making art and music; I think that's partially to do with being very depressed in sobriety. It used to be such an integral part of my life and identity. His disinterest didn't really hit me until he reacted skeptically when I expressed interest in going back to school to be a graphic designer a couple of days ago. He asked if I even "had design experience" when I've completed three years of a fine arts degree and used to spend a lot of my free time illustrating and making prints. Also, regardless, why would you react so nastily to something your partner aspires to?
Lately, I've noticed that he often checks out when I start bringing up something he didn't bring up, or I just talk about what's on my mind. When he needs to vent about people at work or his roommate, or his home situation (he does have a lot of stressful health related things happening with his family, as do I), I let him, and I don't try to shut him down. Conversely, when I mention my anxiety over my job search (currently unemployed), he often says he "just wants to have a good day" and that he "doesn't know why I can't put it out of my mind" (because I have bills to pay, and it's anxiety provoking to struggle to find a job, and I thought I could vent to him like he does to me; it's not like I'm asking to make our whole day about my anxiety). He reacts the same way when I'm having a day where I'm feeling down, and I've expressed that sometimes I just need a little time to shake it off, but he always wonders if we "should be hanging out" because he "just wants to have a good day" and that makes me feel totally insane, because I feel like even in a relationship that's only platonic, I wouldn't expect a friend to sequester themselves from me for having negative feelings, I'd just hang with them and maybe do something that cheered them up until they felt a bit better. Is that unreasonable? I recently had a period of suicidal ideation, and the first time I saw him in person after telling him on the phone, he could only talk about how he could never go through that again. I understand concern, I express concern for him when I've spent his miserable days with him, but I'd never express that in a way that made it all about how I felt, at least never intentionally.
As far as the lack of reciprocity continues, when we spend time together, it's always at his apartment, though he lives with a roommate (who is a close friend of mine who he often expresses disdain for) and I live alone, and he frequently complains about her "always being there." When he moved in, I accompanied him to target to get supplies and helped him get all his art and gadgets set up. He said he'd help me make my place more homey by helping me move things from storage and stay over more (he's been here exactly twice), and it's been a full year, no dice. My father and brother have helped my more with my home situation, and I see them probably once a month, and they live 40 minutes away by car while my partner lives a 10 minute walk away. When we meet up, even if we're not going to his place, I have to go to him. Even small things like what we watch, what we listen to, what we eat together, seem to need his approval more so than mine.
As I briefly mentioned, I'm currently unemployed (working on it, have several interviews this week), and struggling with my finances. That said, I still usually need to spot him or split everything when we go out. I don't begrudge him help, if I had consistent work, I wouldn't care at all, but I expect that he would return the favor within reason. Last time we hung out, I asked if I could maybe pay him back twenty dollars we'd spent out together next week, after I'm able to make some money selling clothes or picking up temp shifts (Yes, I'm that broke right now, yikes). He brought up his own financial struggles (he is often broke though he's employed full time because he has debt and he's been taking off about one shift per week lately). That made me feel so crazy, because I've never asked him for help, and I'm in a really difficult situation right now. For context, I've had a lot of job instability in the past year and have still lent him hundreds of dollars just outright and in terms of buying our food, while I'm unemployed and unable to collect unemployment, and he has a full time job. He pays me back, but it really stresses me out that he asks me for money and to buy things I don't feel like I should spend money on, this is partially a boundary issue on my part. I have difficulty saying no to him even though it makes me really uncomfortable; it wouldn't make me so uncomfortable if I didn't feel kind of pressured into it, though I don't think he's doing that intentionally. I think I also feel some resentment that he's 18 years older than me and hasn't figured out how to manage his money a bit better. This also relates to our intimacy in that, he never buys contraception unless we're splitting it, and when we've needed plan b, though I've asked him to alternate with me on buying any form of contraception, and he agreed, he hasn't done so and made me feel out of line for asking, again, after he agreed to do so.
I'm tired of having no space to exist/feeling like an accessory, almost, but at the same time, I'm having a lot of difficulty breaking it off, because every time I've tried to in a meaningful way, I get hit with the "I don't want to lose you" and how our love for each other is "so pure." He'll drag me through endless conversations about whether we should "be in a serious relationship" and simultaneously never want to be without access to me in some way. I've said that he can't have both, and we've talked about taking breaks to work on ourselves, and nothing goes anywhere. He also has a habit of bringing this up when we're out in public when I've asked him specifically not to because it's a hard, emotional conversation that I'd like to have in private, and he'll get worked up about me getting emotional, and then act like I've started a fight by getting emotional. I've also discussed with him that in a lot of ways, this doesn't feel like a "serious" relationship despite the time we've spent in it, because he was really bizarre about meeting my family and me meeting his (I had to talk him into it this past Christmas, or else I wouldn't have met them, and I haven't seen them since, whereas his previous ex was very close with his family), we haven't celebrated either of our anniversaries (I actually scaled back his gift for valentine's this year because I didn't want to go through all the agita of being the only one who acknowledged that we had an anniversary we agreed on), and the only time he's put effort into dates were my birthdays, and at the very beginning of our relationship, whereas most times we went to shows in the past year or so, it was because I bought tickets. There's been loose talk of wanting to move in together, but I've already told him I don't expect that to ever happen (though he made me feel like I was being a bitch or trying to be nasty by saying so) because we can't go a week without him making me feel insane by bringing up the "should we be in a serious relationship" shit after a couple days we spent happily together without conflict. I didn't phrase it like that, I just said I have no expectation of it happening necessarily, and definitely not in the near future because of the way things are going.
I'm so confused by how he's affectionate one day and cold the next, how fights are somehow always my fault for being emotional (though he says he's never said that and doesn't mean to make me feel that way), and how his actions and words never line up/he always seems to have the right thing to say that makes me feel like I am being insane somehow, and that something will be different soon.
All my mental health and family struggles aside (not even cracking that open because this is already a lot), I think I'm really unhappy, but this is my first longer relationship, and I keep questioning whether my expectations are unreasonable, and whether the bad truly outweighs the things I've loved about him. I've outlined all my dislikes here, but there have been many times when I felt very loved and special with this man, like I'd found my best friend, and that's why I'm so unsure. I also think, as unproductive and infuriating as a lot of conversations about our relationship have been (I almost feel like I'm dealing with a teenager and not a man who's 18 years older than me), I really don't think he means to make me feel so unsure of myself and upset. Though I think he's self centered at times, I don't believe it's malicious.
TLDR; This is my first long term relationship and I think it needs to end, but our discussions of the relationship are unproductive/cyclical and really make me feel crazy. Are these reasonable things to take issue with? Should I break it off? How do you break it off when the person you're with is non-committal to being with you "seriously" but won't let you go?

Throwaway because the con in me doesn't put my business out there. Had a few drinks and just wanted to share my story in hopes it may help others with the struggles I went through. Typical beginning, shitty parents, abuse, divorce, tons of trauma and abandonment. 80's baby, latchkey to the fullest, left roaming the streets by 13 at all hours. Obviously angry from the upbringing. No guidance, direction, or parenting. Just thrown to the world, left to figure it out on my own. I have a very high IQ, easily passed prison GED tests first go round, but my intellectual growth and maturity were very stunted by my childhood, so it really served me no purpose until later in life. I hate that every day. Long story short, started selling drugs because I knew typical society was corrupt as fuck and I wanted no part of it. Eventually I learned robbing other dealers was way more profitable than paying to re-up out of my pocket. After many, many, many successful robberies, I ran into a couple situations where intel was bad, and the people I robbed were only holding cash, and therefore could call the cops. I did 6 years, most of my 20s, on two conspiracy to robbery charges. I was sent to Polk youth center in Butner, NC. This was gladiator school, nothing but fighting, gangs, and racism. For a white boy, it was hell. But I fought my way through 2 years of it, and finally got sent to adult-spread. Blah blah blah, time, watching the clock, released at the end of 2012. After 9 months parole and house arrest, I caught myself hanging around the same friends, doing the same dumb shit, knowing I was headed back inside, but this time on my third strike, habitual violent felon. I was living with my alcoholic mother, it was a nightmare, and I was slipping into alcoholism myself. I knew it was a recipe for disaster. Out of desperation, I let an overweight narcissist baby trap me even though all the red flags were there. She offered me a place to stay and a job (this was 2012, economy was absolute shit, after months and hundreds of applications, I couldnt even get a job as a dishwasher). I took it. I was doing hardwood flooring (the worst backbreaking work ever) for $10 an hour with no overtime or benefits, with a baby on the way. My mental health went to absolute shit. I got so depressed, felt like such a failure, just wanted to give up and fuck up and go back inside. But, I had a kid on the way. And I couldn't do him like my father did me. A miracle happened, got a call from a guy i hadnt spoke to in a decade, with a job offer. Pay attention here felons. Offered me a job in a MACHINE SHOP, i said yeah, fuckit, cant be worse than what im doing now. The irony? No background check. Wasnt even a question on the application. I took that opportunity and fucking ran with it. I worked my ass off. Stayed busy, put in the hours. And the thing about machine shops is most have more work than they can handle, and struggle to find employees. Do the words unlimited overtime sound enticing? Because its absolutely a thing. I've been there a decade now. My son is thriving, after 5 years of abuse from his narcissist mother, I work and saved up enough to buy my own house and get away from her ass. I now, own a home, own a truck, own a sports car, an ATV for me, one for my son, and one for my stepdaughter of my beautiful filipino girlfriend. Me and the girlfriend just bought 13 acres of land and theres a house being built on it as we speak. All of my friends from my past life, they are all dead. The few that are left, are so far into addiction they will be dead soon. My heart is heavy, but my future is solid. There IS hope, but it lies within you. I just didnt wanna go back inside, aint nothing that I want in there. Keep your head up, stay focused, and do whatever it takes. You CAN fucking make it. Hope this helps.