Hello everyone,
I'm in the market for a reliable emergency weather radio and would appreciate your recommendations. With severe weather becoming more unpredictable, I want to ensure my family is well-prepared for any situation.
Here are a few features I'm looking for:

1. NOAA Weather Alerts: Real-time alerts are crucial.
2. Multiple Power Sources: Battery, solar, and hand-crank options for versatility.
3. Durability: It should be rugged and waterproof if possible.
4. Portability: Compact and lightweight for easy transport.
5. Additional Features: Flashlight, USB charging for devices, and AM/FM bands.

If you have any personal experiences, specific brands, or models to recommend, please share. I'm looking for something that has proven dependable in real-world scenarios.
Thanks in advance for your help!

Unlike other sources here in unbiased correct information about Space weather direct from the sources such as NASA, Moon to Mars Mission, Goddard Flight Nasa, And many international observatory's educational institutions, etc.
Space Weather Enthusiasts Dashboard NOAA / NWS Space Weather Prediction Center
CME Scoreboard (nasa.gov)
Search Space Weather Activity (nasa.gov)
Real-time AE Index Daily Plot (kyoto-u.ac.jp)
Real-time (Quicklook) Dst Index Monthly Plot and Table (kyoto-u.ac.jp)
GOES X-ray Flux NOAA / NWS Space Weather Prediction Center
SpaceWeatherLive.com
Solar flares SpaceWeatherLive.comSAWS-ASPECS TOOL (noa.gr)
GOES Solar Ultraviolet Imager (SUVI) NOAA / NWS Space Weather Prediction Center
Flare Prediction System (solarmonitor.org)
SAWS-ASPECS TOOL (noa.gr)
Solar images at SDAC (nasa.gov)
The Very Latest SOHO Images (nasa.gov)
Known Bad Information Sources gatekeeping Fear Mongering

This post will contain information relating to the May 10 2024 GeoMagnetic Storm ! And chasing Aurora, Northern LIghts, Solar Flares, Predicting GeoMagnetic Storms, Real Time Data, Straight from the satellites,
Space Weather Enthusiasts Dashboard NOAA / NWS Space Weather Prediction Center
CME Scoreboard (nasa.gov)
Search Space Weather Activity (nasa.gov)
Real-time AE Index Daily Plot (kyoto-u.ac.jp)
Real-time (Quicklook) Dst Index Monthly Plot and Table (kyoto-u.ac.jp)
GOES X-ray Flux NOAA / NWS Space Weather Prediction Center
SpaceWeatherLive.com
Solar flares SpaceWeatherLive.com
GOES Solar Ultraviolet Imager (SUVI) NOAA / NWS Space Weather Prediction Center
Flare Prediction System (solarmonitor.org)
SAWS-ASPECS TOOL (noa.gr)
Solar images at SDAC (nasa.gov)
The Very Latest SOHO Images (nasa.gov)
Known Bad Information Sources gatekeeping Fear Mongering

Latest Observation

Last updated: Sunday, 19 May — 5:00 AM Maldives Time (MHT; 00:00 UTC)

ATCF		5:00 AM MHT (00:00 UTC)
Current location:		2.5°S 73.9°E
Relative location:		224 km (139 mi) SE of Addu City, Maldives
Forward motion:	▲	E (110°) at 6 km/h (3 knots)
Maximum winds:		55 km/h (30 knots)
Minimum pressure:		1005 millibars (29.68 inches)
Potential (2-day):	▲	high (60 percent)
Potential (5-day):	▲	high (60 percent)

Official information

Météo-France (RSMC Reunion)

• Homepage
  
• Outlook discussion (English)
  
• Outlook discussion (French)
  
• Cyclogenesis potential graphic
  

Joint Typhoon Warning Center (United States)

• Homepage
  
• Tropical Cyclone Formation Alert
  

Maldives Meteorological Service

• Homepage

Radar imagery

Not available

Radar imagery is not currently available for this system.

Satellite imagery

Storm-specific imagery

• Tropical Tidbits: Visible / Shortwave Infrared
  
• Tropical Tidbits: Enhanced Infrared
  
• Tropical Tidbits: Enhanced Infrared (Dvorak)
  
• Tropical Tidbits: Water Vapor
  
• CIMSS: Multiple bands
  
• RAMMB: Multiple bands
  
• Navy Research Laboratory: Multiple bands
  

Regional imagery

Meteosat

• CIMSS: Enhanced Infrared
  
• CIMSS: Water vapor
  
• CIMSS: Visible (true color)
  

Analysis graphics and data

Wind analyses

• EUMETSAT: Advanced Scatterometer Data

Sea-surface Temperatures

• NOAA OSPO: Sea Surface Temperature Contour Charts
  
• Tropical Tidbits: Ocean Analysis
  

Model guidance

Storm-specific guidance

• Tropical Tidbits
  
• University of Albany
  
• National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR)
  
• Weather Nerds
  

Regional single-model guidance

• Tropical Tidbits: GFS
  
• Tropical Tidbits: ECMWF
  
• Tropical Tidbits: CMC
  
• Tropical Tidbits: ICON
  

Regional ensemble model guidance

• GEFS (120 hours)
  
• ECENS (120 hours)
  

https://ieee-dataport.org/documents/diat-μradhar-radar-micro-doppler-signature-dataset-human-suspicious-activity-recognition#files
micro doppler human activity recognition radar. I wonder if the Signature Reduction Task Forces know about this? lol
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167865522002434?via%3Dihub
Signature Reduction Force - Pentagon's secret army of at least 60,000 a few years ago.. 2021. WHO knows how many now..
https://jacobin.com/2021/06/us-signature-reduction-program-william-arkin-interview
This is also very informative about how it's not just the CIA, military, government, but medical and commercial...
https://www.globalsecurity.org/space/library/policy/army/fm/100-12/ch7.htm
(The US Weather Bureau evolved out of the US Army Signal Corps in 1870s. It spent the 1880s in the Dept of Agriculture, and then became an agency of its own in the early 1890s. It moved into the Department of Commerce in 1965 where it resides today as the NWS in NOAA.)

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worldnews

• PauloPatricio

France vs. 'Shrinkflation': Starting July 1, All 'Shrinked' Products Must Be Labelled For Consumers
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• DekiTree

French police kill man trying to 'burn synagogue'
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• Unusual-State1827

More than 60% of world’s coral reefs may have bleached in past year, U.S. agency says
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news

• RaffyGiraffy

Florida teen says she was denied entry to prom for wearing a suit
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• a_dogs_mother

Teen died from eating a spicy chip as part of social media challenge, autopsy report concludes
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• DavianVonLorring

A Lakota graduate’s plume was cut from her cap. The Farmington district remains silent.
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science

• mvea

Social progressives were more likely to view rape as equally serious or more serious than homicide compared to social conservatives. Progressive women were particularly likely to view rape as more serious than homicide, suggesting that gender plays a critical role in shaping these perceptions.
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• mvea

A new technique has allowed scientists to freeze human brain tissue so that it regains normal function after thawing. Scientists have successfully frozen and thawed brain organoids and cubes of brain tissue from a 9-year-old girl with epilepsy.
Comments Link00121-8)

• Wagamaga

Glimpse of next-generation internet. Scientists established the practical makings of the first quantum internet by entangling two quantum memory nodes separated by optical fiber link deployed over a roughly 22-mile loop through Cambridge, Somerville, Watertown, and Boston
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space

• ubcstaffer123

Huge, solar flare-launching sunspot has rotated away from Earth. But will it return? The sunspot AR3664 may not be done with us just yet.
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• slowburnangry

Europa's Icy Crust Is 'Free-Floating' Across the Moon's Hidden Ocean, New Juno Images Suggest
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• OlympusMons94

Europe is uncertain whether its ambitious Mercury probe can reach the planet
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Futurology

• Hot_Transportation87

Microsoft's Emissions Spike 29% as AI Gobbles Up Resources
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• Worldly_Flow9133

Researchers at the University of Washington developed deep-learning algorithms that allow users to pick which sounds to filter through their headphones in real-time
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• chrisdh79

Frozen human brain tissue works perfectly when thawed 18 months later Scientists in China have developed a new chemical concoction that lets brain tissue function again after being frozen.
Comments Link

AskReddit

• Accomplished-Cat-325

What insult that deeply hurt you won't you forget?
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• BlastingSquid886

What is a good movie to watch while drunk?
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• ccie6861

What embarrassing or disturbing thing have you found while helping a friend move?
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todayilearned

• LeftNeck9994

TIL Multiple studies have found that an extra inch of height can be worth an extra $1,000 a year in wages both for men and women
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• tyrion2024

TIL in 2012 LL Cool J broke the nose, jaw, and ribs of a man charged with breaking into his home. His family was sleeping when their home security alarm went off at 1am, "sending LL Cool J into action". After catching the man, he held him until the authorities arrived.
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• icanhazkarma17

TIL American composer Kevin MacLeod allows anyone to use his music for free, as long as he receives credit for the song. This has led to his music being used in thousands of films, millions of videos on YouTube.
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dataisbeautiful

• jcceagle

[OC] Life expectancy vs. health expenditure
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• klokain

Do UFO Sightings Happen Near Airports? Best Locations and Times to Spot a UFO. [OC]
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• phatangus

For a majority of Americans, a standard tip when dining at a sit-down restaurant is 15% or less
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Cooking

• PreschoolBoole

What’s the most absurd way you cook a food item that you swear is superior?
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• Warm_Forever9843

What's your favourite recipe that includes zucchini?
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• Bunnyeatsdesign

What rice dishes are not served hot?
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food

• mabmab4

[homemade] Chicago Dogs
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• Fbeezy

[Homemade] Eggs Florentine
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• briblossom

[homemade] Gnocchi
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movies

• MarvelsGrantMan136

Tony McFarr, Chris Pratt’s ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ & ‘Jurassic World’ Stunt Double, Dies at 47
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• MarvelsGrantMan136

Francis Ford Coppola’s ‘Megalopolis’ - Review Thread
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• hekenwkskdn777728

New LONGLEGS Poster
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Art

• Zamaliev_Igor

From a hayfield, Zamaliev _Igor, watercolor, 2024
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• papaAnkIES

Flight, Bacriswell2, oil, 2024
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• Just_Benefit6810

“Phases”, Adam Feher, Digital Collage, 2021
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television

• MarvelsGrantMan136

‘Fallout’ Sets Another Nielsen Streaming Chart Record, Becomes First Non-Netflix Show to Top 2 Billion Minutes Viewed in Consecutive Weeks
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• MarvelsGrantMan136

'Shogun' Seasons 2 and 3 in the Works at FX, Hulu; Will Compete in Drama Category at the Emmys
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• indig0sixalpha

'X-Men ‘97' understood the power of perfect timing
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pics

• Douglasqqq

Jack Black walking around Brighton, England alone.
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• Dar-Vin

The portal In Dublin this evening!
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• t-o-m-u-s-a

Houston just had severe weather.
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gifs

• GrowLapsed

Marijuana Timelapse - 5 Weeks of Flowering Buds
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• HappySkullsplitter

We don't need roads
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• Squirrelmonkeycom

Europa-pa
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educationalgifs

mildlyinteresting

• KingOfAllFishFuckers

I bought another smart car, can park them both in the same space.
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• jesusismagic

I have not worn a watch for over 10 years, but you can still see where it used to be on my arm.
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• Lancet11

Found out this winter that Crown Royal freezes
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interestingasfuck

• ThatCoolBlondeGirl

It’s been 84 years…
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• DrFetusRN

*A regular work day at the Temu warehouse *
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• NickyPappagiorgio

*Cannabis growing naturally in the Himalayas *
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funny

• Thapee

*I just took a photo of my receding hairline yesterday and my reaction was same! *
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• OddlyCheap

I was walking to class and saw these bumper stickers
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• explosivejoseph

Throuple in the front row of a comedy show
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aww

• ughstopbanningme

opened our front door to see this, the mom is still there she just got scared when i opened it.
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• Rdhilde18

*Saved a baby possum *
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• dmcdaniel87

My dad rescued this little guy
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Did you get caught off guard by last night's wild weather in Houston? You're not alone! But what if I told you that you can be your own weather expert with just a few taps on your phone? 🌩️📱
We all know that Houston weather can be as unpredictable as a moody toddler, but with today's technology, we've got the power of a meteorologist in the palm of our hands! From severe storm outlooks to local weather discussions, it's time to unleash your inner weather nerd. 🤓
So, here's the challenge: stop relying solely on that sunny-with-a-chance-of-apocalypse weather app and start exploring reliable sources like SPC.noaa.gov, local weather office discussions, and badass radar apps like RadarScope and Windy. With all this info at your fingertips, you'll be the one people turn to when the weather turns wild! 🌪️
Ready to become a weather wizard? 🧙 Share this post to spread the knowledge stay ahead of Houston's crazy weather. Together, we can outsmart Mother Nature and leave the surprises for birthday parties, not thunderstorms! ⚡️

Latest observation

Last updated: Sunday, 19 May — 4:00 AM Seychelles Time (SCT; 00:00 UTC)

JTWC Warning #6		4:00 AM SCT (00:00 UTC)
Current location:		7.5°S 46.6°E
Relative location:		213 km (132 mi) N of Aldabra Atoll (Seychelles)
Forward motion:		W (290°) at 9 km/h (5 knots)
Maximum winds:	▲	100 km/h (55 knots)
Intensity (SSHWS):		Tropical Storm
Intensity (MFR):	▲	Severe Tropical Storm
Minimum pressure:	▼	992 millibars (29.29 inches)

Official forecasts

Meteo France

Last updated: Sunday, 19 May — 4:00 AM SCT (00:00 UTC)

Hour	Date	Time		Intensity		Winds		Lat	Long
	—	UTC	SCT	MFR		knots	km/h	°S	°E
00	19 May	00:00	4AM Sun	Severe Tropical Storm		50	95	7.4	46.4
12	19 May	12:00	4PM Sun	Severe Tropical Storm	▲	60	110	6.8	45.7
24	20 May	00:00	4AM Mon	Severe Tropical Storm		60	110	6.0	45.4
36	20 May	12:00	4PM Mon	Severe Tropical Storm	▼	50	95	5.3	45.2
48	21 May	00:00	4AM Tue	Moderate Tropical Storm	▼	45	85	4.5	45.1
60	21 May	12:00	4PM Tue	Post-tropical Cyclone	▼	40	75	3.6	45.0
72	22 May	12:00	4AM Wed	Remnant Low	▼	30	55	2.1	45.0
96	23 May	12:00	4AM Thu	Dissipated

Joint Typhoon Warning Center

Last updated: Sunday, 19 May — 4:00 AM SCT (00:00 UTC)

Hour	Date	Time		Intensity		Winds		Lat	Long
	—	UTC	SCT	Saffir-Simpson		knots	km/h	°S	°E
00	19 May	00:00	4AM Sun	Tropical Storm		55	100	7.5	46.6
12	19 May	12:00	4PM Sun	Tropical Storm		55	100	6.9	45.9
24	20 May	00:00	4AM Mon	Tropical Storm	▼	50	95	6.1	45.4
36	20 May	12:00	4PM Mon	Tropical Storm	▼	40	75	5.2	45.1
48	21 May	00:00	4AM Tue	Remnant Low	▼	30	55	4.2	44.9
72	22 May	00:00	4AM Wed	Dissipated

Official information

Meteo France (RSMC Reunion)

• Homepage
  
• Forecast warning
  
• Forecast graphic
  

Joint Typhoon Warning Center (United States)

• Warning text
  
• Warning graphic
  
• Prognostic reasoning
  
• Satellite fix bulletin
  

Seychelles Meteorological Authority

• Homepage

Radar imagery

Not available

Radar imagery is not currently available for this system.

Satellite imagery

Floater imagery

Single bandwidth imagery

• Tropical Tidbits: Visible / shortwave infrared
  
• Tropical Tidbits: Enhanced infrared
  
• Tropical Tidbits: Enhanced infrared (Dvorak enhancement)
  
• Tropical Tidbits: Water vapor
  

Multiple bandwidth imagery

The options to select individual bandwidths on each of the following websites may vary.

• CIMSS
  
• RAMMB
  
• Navy Research Laboratory
  

Regional imagery

Meteosat

• CIMSS: Enhanced Infrared
  
• CIMSS: Water vapor
  
• CIMSS: Visible (true color)
  

Analysis products

Best track data

• NOAA SSD

Wind analysis and storm intensity estimation products

• NESDIS: Dvorak Fix Bulletins
  
• NESDIS: Dvorak Fix History
  
• NESDIS: Multi-platform Surface Wind Analysis
  
• CIMSS: Advanced Dvorak Technique (ADT)
  
• CIMSS: Tropical Cyclone Intensity Consensus (SATCON)
  
• CIMSS: SATCON Intensity History
  
• EUMETSAT: Advanced Scatterometer Data
  

Sea-surface temperature analysis products

• NOAA OSPO: Sea Surface Temperature Contour Charts
  
• Tropical Tidbits: Ocean Analysis
  

Model products

Storm-specific model guidance

Storm-centered guidance

• Tropical Tidbits (GFS)
  
• Tropical Tidbits (ECMWF)
  
• Tropical Tidbits (HWRF)
  

Track guidance

• Tropical Tidbits
  
• Weather Nerds
  

Track and intensity guidance

• National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR)

Regional single-model guidance

• Tropical Tidbits: GFS
  
• Tropical Tidbits: ECMWF
  
• Tropical Tidbits: CMC
  
• Tropical Tidbits: ICON
  

Regional ensemble model guidance

• Weathernerds: GEFS (120 hours)
  
• Weathernerds: ECENS (120 hours)
  

Hey all! Was inspired to make this after that round of crazy storms/tornadoes we had awhile back.
https://nadocast-ui.robswc.me/map/20240516_12
I'm not a forecaster but I enjoy building software and got blessings for the creator of "Nadocast" which is a seriously cool forecasting system.
There's still a lot of work to do on it (git contributions totally welcome!) but I use it almost everyday out of curiosity.
I suppose one thing to keep in mind is how probabilities are calculated. i.e. a 5% chance for a county doesn't mean a 5%. It means a 5% within 25 miles of any point in the county. This means the probabilities might be a bit confusing... debating if I should change it to more accurately reflect the probability in the county... I just based it off how the National Weather Service, Storm Prediction Center does it:
https://www.spc.noaa.gov/misc/about.html
Anyways, just wanted to share! I know its not really an "Austin related" thing but figured other local SDEs might find it interesting!

In my (personal) opinion, horror works best when it follows the following rules:

1. The more a perceived threat has a connection to reality, be it something that has happened or could happen, the more scary it is.
2. The concepts in a horror medium should make sense, and connect with each other well. Things shouldn't happen just because they are scary.
3. The less the motive of a horror antagonist makes sense, the cringier they are.

When I think of the few things Ive seen as an adult that legitimately scared me, the first thing I can think of is the classic "I feel fantastic" video. Because while that isn't the original video, someone, somewhere, thought it would be a great idea to build a scary robot woman and have her sing, and pass it off seriously, with an attempt to make her a pop star. The home this video was filmed in feels fake and very sketchy. Yet this was real. It actually happened.
But something can still be scary and not be real. Ghost stories work pretty well because environmental effects and mental issues can cause people to hallucinate and even feel weird sensations, which make us question whether ghosts are real or not. But so many ghosts in these stories feel like dumb animals who respond to humans really inconsistently. NOAA Weather alerts being used in horror have a lot of potential because they tap into a really real fear of natural and manmade disaster. But you know whats not scary? Turning sirens and weather alerts into a big dumb monster that chases you through the woods for no reason. I feel like "sirenhead" as he's called is a big misunderstanding of that fear.
A better crafted example of horror thats not very scary would be "The Backrooms", built on the fear that one could fall through reality like a glitch in a videogame and into an endless empty corporate office maze. The maze part doesn't scare me personally but it is interesting. My main issue is why are these silly generic horror monster stick men walking through these mazes? It's revealed that they are some kind of fungal creatures, but to me that goes with the maze concept like water and cooking oil. Where would fungus even GROW in a world like that? Don't get me wrong, it's a fun series, and amazing for something made by a teenager. I'm not attacking the people who made it, because my problems with it are problems that are widespread in horror.
I have a proposition for those of you who want to make a generic horror movie with some antagonist that kills people for no discernible reason. Instead, why not take a page from Junji Ito and make more body horror? Every day we surround ourselves with chemicals that are harmful to our bodies, and each generation our exposure to them makes decreases our fertility just a little bit more. Not just chemicals, but substances around us too. One of these substances is plastic. We are surrounded by so much plastic that microscopic pieces of it get in our body, and as the years go on, more and more "microplastics" are being found in human placentas. No one knows what true effect these plastics have on us, but they are a part of us, whether we like it or not.
I challenge you to write a story set in the future, showing the fictional effects these chemicals could have on the future of humanity, WITHOUT people turning into mutants/zombies. Make it feel real.

Understanding Geomagnetic Storms: Nature’s Spectacular Display
Geomagnetic storms are a testament to the dynamic and powerful forces of our solar system. These storms occur when Earth’s magnetosphere, the region of space dominated by Earth’s magnetic field, is disturbed by the solar wind—streams of charged particles released from the upper atmosphere of the Sun.
The most common cause of geomagnetic storms are coronal mass ejections (CMEs), which are large expulsions of plasma and magnetic field from the Sun’s corona. When these charged particles collide with Earth’s magnetosphere, they can create stunning visual phenomena known as auroras—commonly referred to as the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis) and Southern Lights (Aurora Australis).
The intensity of geomagnetic storms is measured on a scale from G1 (minor) to G5 (extreme). These storms can have various effects on Earth, ranging from the disruption of radio communications and GPS systems to the potential damage to power grids and satellites.
Despite their potential to disrupt modern technology, geomagnetic storms are a natural occurrence and have been observed throughout history. The Carrington Event of 1859, for example, was a powerful geomagnetic storm that caused telegraph systems to fail across Europe and North America.
Today, organizations like the NOAA / NWS Space Weather Prediction Center monitor solar activity and provide forecasts to help mitigate the impact of these storms. Understanding geomagnetic storms is not only crucial for protecting our technological infrastructure but also for appreciating the incredible natural power displays of our planet.
This article aims to enlighten Reddit community members about the awe-inspiring nature of geomagnetic storms and the importance of space weather awareness. Whether you’re an enthusiast or simply curious, these celestial events remind us of the vastness of the universe and the beauty it holds.

I have now seen three (3) natural super events in a one (1) month time frame.
O
In early April we had traveled to see the solar eclipse. My LTR’s friend had a crummy cabin right in the path of totality and had invited lots of people to come watch. These were acquaintances and chums from a touring / traveling / festie past life, the kind of wild spirit I’d see once or twice a year at some interesting event and ask what they’ve been up to. My lover would already know; they are a creature of social media and a master of effortlessly effusive connections. I can’t even pinpoint when I forfeited all of those attendees as now being more their friend than mine.
Totality is still ineffable despite all the accounts. You see it coming as the clouds part directly below its pathway, leaving a trail of its approach from the horizon. Animals freak out, shadows bend, the collective hype of your company irresistible. The sky darkens slightly one minute before you’re snapped into a parallel dimension ruled by a glowing ring god. For four minutes the neurons in your brain that fear the sky are screaming and you experience the answer to the question: “what if reality was different?”
Having experienced that rumination made me actually reconnect with all the attendees afterwards. How lazy I was, how fearful and jaded, to assume that friendships, human connections, didn’t deserve effort? That you should never forfeit companionship without at least trying first? How beaten down and cynical had I become that Luna herself had to remind me that love should be joyous and celebrated? Now was a chance to correct that mistake.
I ended up becoming the life of the rest of the party, an unusual position for me. Perhaps my mind was sufficiently shaken up and I saw the opportunities I had long ignored. Perhaps my gregarious partner didn’t dominate the scene because of the blotter which I had passed on. Maybe some combination of those factors led to them being uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of our stay. By contrast, the silent drive home was typical for us these days.
V
They were not in the car for the second super event. That was just me and my coworker, called off of our out-of-town jobsite. An unusual emergency meant that we had to drop everything and leave NOW. If our supervisor hadn’t called then we would have felt it in the air, a sense of impending danger spoken in wind and atmosphere.
My phone alert went off on the highway. Take shelter now, an impossible plea at 70 mph through farmlands. My coworker, a plain spoken plains man, silently barreled forward towards the green-blue cell. The throbbing bassline of Nugent’s “Stranglehold” accompanied the descending fingers of clouds that threatened just that. Cars and semis were pulled over under overpasses, a pointless shield against anything other than the hail but I still understand their impulse. We reached our exit and could see the storm that we passed under from the driver’s side window.
“There it is” he said so flatly. His enthusiasm was appropriate: there, behind the modest and familiar skyline, was the weather event every midwestern is taught to fear. But it struck no fear in me. It too looked modest and familiar.
The funnel was literally just an extension of the slate clouds above, a tendril, a shape, not registering with me as a threat at all. Even while driving through it my thoughts weren’t of danger but of melancholy resignation. Perhaps because it was a forty minute drive and my position was completely determined by outside demands: be at work at this time, go to this jobsite, leave right now, this is the only path you can take home. I felt no control over any of it, not the schedule, not the weather, not the lame ass boomer soundtrack that could’ve been the last thing I heard had a butterfly flapped it’s wings different.
The tornado incurred significant damage just a few miles from our house. My partner was equally non-plussed by the whole situation. If they had felt fear in the basement then they had forgotten it entirely, the event reduced to a “man that was crazy” story to recount later within a handful of sentences. Perhaps they too recognize that some awful events are just bound to happen, the certainty of which strips the stress away.
//
The final phenom was actually a subdued encore. The aurora borealis had made a surprise visit to the Lower 48, but we missed the first night. Even though my lover had received texts from their many friends telling them about the heavenly light show, we were already in bed and in no place mentally to go see it. The NOAA predicted it would be visible the next night, so we planned for that instead.
The drive was the last effort of the day, a final rally after work and social obligations and stressful interactions on top of endless mundane life maintenance. Our modest midwest town with it’s modest skyline isn’t too heavy on the light pollution, but there was a lake a half hour north where most of the local pictures were taken the night before. Making the voyage out there felt like a slog after those last few days, but the aurora was on my bucket list and I needed some cosmic intervention in my life. I was hoping it would be like the totality, a brilliant display that left me changed afterwards. Instead, it was like the tornado. It just was.
Sure, there were some pastel smears in the night sky. Hell, you could even point your phone at it and see if better on your camera app. But it appeared as if the display wasn’t as breath taking as the night before. Our friends and countless other couples lucked out and got to experience something beautiful, but we did not. And I felt nothing.
No anger, no resentment, no disappointment even. Just a kind of tired acceptance that I only got to see some of this brilliant thing I always wanted but I was so worn out from days of work and effort and driving and stressful interactions of fighting and arguing –
We drove back again in silence. Five days ago we were given homework from our therapist. We were instructed to end each night a brief description of a frustration from our day that didn’t involve our partner. The idea is to distill the unpleasantness to a few sentences and a few words so that we can express how we feel about negative experiences as simply as possible to each other. Perhaps that exercise will help us understand each other better and highlight themes that consistently upset us.
That only works if you do it every night. This was five nights since that session and we hadn’t done the exercise even once. It’s a great idea, but we are just in no place mentally to put in the effort. We had tried for years to not forfeit our companionship, only to feel drained and exhausted. We just go to couple’s therapy because that’s what good progressive millennials do. We both know what’s coming. We can feel it in the air.
A committed relationship was always on my bucket list. I had hyped up the beauty of it in my mind. Instead it’s only been a lot of work and effort and rallying and fighting and arguing. Other friends and countless other couples got to experience that brilliance, but I just felt so, so tired.
The impending break up is going to be awful. We are deeply entwined with each other, and it’s going to be painful to separate and watch our mutual friends take sides. It’s going to leave a path of destruction, but we are both resigned to this happening. I feel no control over it, it’s just what’s on the horizon. I wonder what opportunities there will be afterwards, when reality is different.