12chan girl

Question	Answer
How many cats are lounging around your office at the moment?	Three. We have 6 cats, a dog, and have fostered and socialized feral kittens for years.
Answer to Q above	If you've adopted a kitten in the Toronto area, there is a chance you have one of our precious furballs. We have adopted out close to 400 kittens via "Toronto Cat Rescue" and "Action Volunteers for Animals".
Can I give you my real name and you wipe out my medical debt? Jk, I love your groups passion.	AW SHUCKS, WHY NOT
Answer to Q above	I wish. ;)
Did you record any of the Anonymous videos? Like, the ones with the mask and distorted voice?	I was involved with planning this. The first Anonymous video.
Answer to Q above	https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZ1qi9gz7UU
If any more proof is needed, and if this counts towards that. You can see pretty clearly that I am the main moderator of /Anonymous and Aubrey is indeed OG Anon.	Thanks for looking out for me all these years.
When did you realize that 4chan culture was becoming real-world dangerous?	GamerGate in 2014 was the wake-up call.
The stuff you did in the '00s (4chan invasions) was fun for many but could also be pretty mean; knowing what we know now, do you think that "it's the Internet, not the real world" was really tenable even then?	And no. Over time many of us realized the barrier between the Internet and the real world was more tenuous than most people insisted.
Which messenger for phone do you prefer the most, when it comes to security and privacy?	Signal, Wire, Matrix.
Which VPN do you prefer?	Mullvad.
Do you think the world is evolving in a positive way, when it comes to A. I., social media, digital technology, etc.?	I think we need to be paying very, very close attention to the work in the A.I. space because we are on the horizon of the information singularity and *that is some terrifying shit*
WOW I can’t believe you’re actually answering questions here. What are your thoughts on Trump and his relationship to Epstein specifically?	Both of them are subhuman trash.
If you’re comfortable sharing, what would you say your “origin story” is? By that, I mean how did you become interested and start to do what you do? And how did that influence where you are now?	I was an extremely angry 19 year old with nothing but malice towards anything and everything and it took on a life of its own.
Answer to Q above	I have since learned how to pace myself and what *not* to do.
Why did you choose the Guy Fawkes mask as a representation?	Epic Fail Guy.
What was your biggest accomplishment in hacking?	No comment. As far as "publicly known" things, probably my most fun heist was redirecting Hal Turner's domain names to 420chan.
Why did you start this „project”?	It... sort of just happened naturally.
Not an InfoSec guy but to me the hard part of trying to explain why we need to care about keeping our stuff secure is finding a context where people can see how it actually impacts their lives.	General ComSec and OpSec. Data privacy.
This is why I loved John Oliver's segment on Government Surveillance, as he boiled it down to "who can see your dick pics." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEVlyP4_11M	Q answered above
Are there any other similar topics you really wish the average Internet user would understand better and/or take more seriously?	Q answered above
Why “Kirtaner”?	I've used this handle online since 1996 when I first signed up for Battle.net playing Diablo.
Answer to Q above	It is a modification of Wirt.
What’s your favorite color?	Slate grey.
What steps do you think can be reasonably taken to stamp out the crap that is Qanon? It's definitely bigger than Watkins, and can be easily coopted	Pulling the mask off the charlatans crafting this out-of-control ARG gone wrong.
Answer to Q above	Wiping out as much of their presence as possible on social networks and deplatforming them.
Aubrey, thanks for all the info. I’m of the liberal geriatric population and know little of methodology you guys use. So my question is why can’t 8chan be hacked, corrupted, or stopped as the Mother Jones investigation identifies their hosting illegal sites?	Anything can be hacked. But that leads to hardening.
Answer to Q above	How to hurt someone? Their wallet. Watkins has a lot of income streams sustaining 8kun and I don't think high-risk adult entertainment payment networks would appreciate having a client who has profiteered from child abuse.
why do you do what you do?	I did it for the lulz.
Are you in danger of prosecution for admitting to founding the group?	Early on, I was known.
What change is most important to you right now?	Ending hate movements.
How can we help the current project?	Drown out Q. Report QAnon posts. Report QAnon posters. Spread awareness that this is something that *needs* to be done.
Answer to Q above	Oh, and report sites to payment providers that they're servicing a known domestic terror threat.
Buttsec?	Buttsec.
Hiffwe? Hiffwe	b&
Aubrey, after a while of Anonymous trending, I saw the internet ask for Anonymous to take out/hack/ go after certain groups on the regular.	Every person that asks me to take down Facebook makes me hang my head in shame.
Was there one in particular favorite request or one that stood out among all the crazy requests?	Favorite? Hrm...
Answer to Q above	Stormfront.
What is your favourite pass time?	Video games. Been a lifetime enthusiast. Recently I have been using Tetris Effect to center myself. Everyone should play more Tetris.
Hi Aubrey,	Use privacy-oriented services. Mullvad. uBlock. If they have no data to sell, there's nothing to sustain them.
how can ordinary people fight against the government and Big Tech tracking us regularly?	Q answered above
What comes next? After Q I mean.	A long shower.
Do you get hacked often?	No.
I was used in child porn in the mid/late 90s and early 2000s. No one has found the content (well, at least no one who has ever bothered to track me down & tell me about it. I’m sure it is still turning a profit, given how...specialized...it was.)	Oh my god I am so sorry. Holy shit. That's a heavy question.
Are you willing to DM me? I just want to know if you or someone else is willing to check to see if my content is mixed in with all the stuff that’s been dug up. I will tell you everything I can remember. Normally I fucking hate begging...but this might be my only shot. So fuck it. I’m begging. Please let me know if you or someone you’re affiliated with is willing to check those files for the evidence I need to prove my case.	If you contact me I can put you in touch with someone who can better help you here.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.	Stay strong.
Pineapple on Pizza? Yay or Nay?	Hawaiian pizza is a gift from Canada to the world. You're welcome.
What’s the point of being anonymous if everyone knows who you are?	That was the beautiful irony of it from the beginning.
Can anonymous do anything about all the spam calls and texts? I got over 10 calls from spammers the other day. And everyday for the past month or so I get a text from an email with a spam link.	That's a really broad problem. Wish I had a better answer for you here.
Does "secure information" even exist, or is it just an illusion?	Security is an illusion. Mitigations are all we have.
Are you going to play Watch Dogs Legion?	Probably.
Would you go on Joe Rogan?	Absolutely.
Why do you refuse to bring back /i/?	I felt it had its time and place and things started getting too "hairy", in so many words. Hosting it was, obviously, an endless shitshow rife with constant server shutdowns.
Answer to Q above	However, you can consider the QAnon war as a sort of revival.
How will you engage against a collective who's target audience doesn't care about facts in the first place?	Drown them out.
Why does they're seem to have been numerous major releases promised over the last years, which don't seem to have landed or had any impact?	LARPers.
How would you recommend the average person begin to mobilize against QAnon and communities like them online?	Report all QAnon posts. Ignore all QAnon posters. Mobilize. Spread the word. This is going to take every bit of help that can be mustered. #ButtSec.
Answer to Q above	QAnon is not Anonymous. Make sure everyone know this.
What were your likes and dislikes regarding Mr Robot?	The realistic hacking sequences.
Answer to Q above	Leaning in really, really hard on the Fight Club metaplot.
would you ever bring the old spirit of anonymous back to the original community?	I'm teaching the kids what lulz and meme magic is all about - this time, for the greater good.
Do you have any thoughts on the book Hacker, Hoaxer, Whistleblower, Spy?	Her book is what I consider the gold standard.
I was thinking of picking it up to start reading up on Anon etc. and I was wondering if you had read it.	Q answered above
(just saw you already addressed this and recommended the book, would still love to have your thoughts on other books.)	Q answered above
I've seen there's a lot of shitty cash grab books on Anonymous so if you have any other book recs I would love to hear them.	Q answered above
I hope someone is protecting vote tabulation cyber infrastructure at the state level. To fit with AMA rules I’ll ask: is someone protecting vote tabulation cyber infrastructure at the state level? :)	I'd reckon the answer here is "yes".
How dangerous can the whole QAnon crap become?	Given the US is on the verge of a full-blown civil war and these QAnon 'useful idiots' are on the frontlines?
Answer to Q above	Extremely.
Have you considered working with the Disinfo Defense League who also did an AMA a few days ago? They barely got any attention even though your causes seem very aligned.	I have privately been working with disinfo researchers already and will be signal boosting their work going forward in a more broad capacity.
How did you start hacking?	I was 14 and another kid roped me into a Dreamcast piracy group on IRC.
How are you "dealing with QAnon?" I'm glad there is some effort to deal with these people. I'm not familiar enough to know, but is there one person who posts regularly enough that claims to be Q, and is there any way to find out who that person really is an confirm they are, in fact, a fucking liar?	Deep research, and hard facts.
Why haven't we seen more white hat hackers attack corrupt politicians?	"White hat"
Answer to Q above	"Attack"
Answer to Q above	There's your answer :)
Hi Aubrey. I have became very interested in privacy/security recently. In your opinion, what is the most secure systems to operate on? For example, TAILS or Qubes for computers?	The most secure OS is the one you can protect. Never treat anything as panacea.
Additionally, what are some things we can do to fortify our smartphones and computers to be more secure, and apps that we can use to make sure we are safe and secure?	Proper firewall configurations, encrypted communication, etc.
Answer to Q above	Tails isn't so much "secure" as it is ephemeral. You should also check out Whonix.
Will you return to 420chan as an active community member?	I have been lately. I think they want me to go away again.
How big a wrestling fan are you. And which Chris Jericho is your favourite Chris Jericho?	Megafan. I have a few old friends/community members that are currently employed as wrestlers in WWE and AEW. Dio Maddin, Mansoor, and Evil Uno are the three most notable.
Answer to Q above	WCW Jericho, followed up by suit Jericho.
Do you think our phones actually are listening to us or are eerily timed advertisements the result of a multitude of other data that advertisers have access to?	Stranger things have happened. What's more likely in most spooky advertising cases is monitoring of proximity to associates via geolocation data, and not Facebook literally recording everything you're saying.
Answer to Q above	But you shouldn't rule out Facebook recording everything you're saying. :)
All time favorite video game?	Split between Rez and Quake III Arena.
how big is batista's dick?	Let's ask the magic 8ball...
Answer to Q above	## [4:45 PM] Kirtaner: !8ball how many inches is batista's dick
Answer to Q above	## [4:45 PM] FBI: About 7.
Answer to Q above	There you have it.
What do you think moot did in mexico after he took all the money and ran? Did he become the little girl, perhaps?	Made soup.
Do you wish for a modern alternative to the LOIC sometimes?	Maybe.
You mentioned this in another answer: what is 2FA? Why do I need it?	Two-factor authentication. That thing you can turn on that requires a rotating sequence of numbers or a text message to validate your login.
Are you addicted to anything?	No. You can ask anyone that knows me about this one, they will all confirm I have an unnatural constitution + willpower and take abstinence breaks from everything in regular intervals including caffeine and nicotine and am extremely strict on myself.
What gave you the inspiration to use a guy fawkes mask, do you believe in what he stood for?	Epic Fail Guy. But also yes.
What do you make of the Wayfair conspiracy?	People read way too much into things sometimes. And "conspiracies" like that are easy to manufacture on open marketplaces. Great psyop technique. Don't fucking do that.
Hey Kirt. How's your asshole doing these days?	You sleep a lot better at night knowing every intelligence organization on the planet has had to look at the inside of your asshole.
u/kirtaner-420chan, can y'all look into AZ Governor Doug Ducey and find out why he is so adamant about keeping AZ open while we stare down another wave of infections even though he knows that shutting down was the only reason we did "ok" with our first massive outbreak?	Yeah I wish I could "lend a hand" here but my focus right now is on big picture disinformation and curbing mass brainwashing.
It reeks of corruption but I haven't the skills to sniff out why. I know this isn't a big ticket item for y'all, especially compared to other places and issues, but hell, you don't know if you don't ask.	Q answered above
What was your first programming language? also, Is there any specific event that caused you to start anonymous?	BASIC. I was 4.
Answer to Q above	As answered previously, it happened organically.
Where does one learn the skills and techniques to become a hacktivist?	Not that I'm condoning illegal activity or anything but I've found this resource to be wonderful for those looking to hone their skills. https://www.hoppersroppers.org/courseCTF.html
The whole premise of this thread is complete bu‍llshi‍t lm‍ao. "Anonymous" as a term originates from the default name for users on 4ch‍an and also doesn't refer to any particular group of people. Even your own link says that you founded "a ton of this stuff" (which I grant that you probably might have when you weren't DD‍OSing people and then bu‍ttr‍aging when you got DDO‍Sed back (Wrestlechan), spreading your bu‍tth‍ole on Stickam (warning: NSFW link) for likely many underage viewers, or spamming 4chan's /b/ with links to your website), not that you founded "Anonymous" as any sort of a collective overall.	Major social engineering plot to take down 12chan, the pedo den.
But anyway, since my reply must contain a question, can you explain why the URL img.420chan.org/pedo/ is deliberately excluded from the Internet Archive (so that the old versions of whatever was there can't be accessed), unlike the rest of 420chan, despite your claims that no such board ever existed (claims which you have contradicted yourself on 420chan's front page in the past (scroll to the right to see the page properly then CTRL+F "/pedo"))? Or are you still going with that fake story about you supposedly working with the government that you only came up with after years of denying that /pedo ever existed (as the first archive.is link shows) once the archived evidence of its existence became irrefutable?	It worked very well and French authorities raided their datacenter.
Either way I'm glad you've turned over a new leaf and now reject the child pornography you once proudly hosted.	That is all I have to say about that.
Answer to Q above	Yes, I put a hundred thousand pictures of my ass on the internet.
Answer to Q above	So the NSA could spy on it. Maybe keep an eye on it.
Answer to Q above	As for the rest, congrats, you bought a lot of smokescreens and sleight of hand. The people that were there know what's up.
Hi Kirt. Who's your favorite wrestler?	Someone in back?
why do you refuse to let the machine resurface? and why are you taking credit for 4chan/m00t's doing?	"Anonymous" the hacker collective is not "Anonymous" the default 4chan username. Most of those early machinations were a clever smokescreen and 4chan was used as a scapegoat.
Answer to Q above	Sorry for triggering the Eternal September.
How does it feel doing this sort of stuff again but with the wisdom and experience you have now?	I'm feeling a personal moral obligation to "make things right" in respect to QAnon. They built themselves on a lot of my playbook. I haven't felt resolve like this in possibly my entire life.
And also, having the wisdom and experience that you have now, what would you have done differently back in the early 2000s?	I would have been less of a malicious monster. Luckily for everyone, I have "grown up".
Hi Cottle, you should go on Joe Rogan. It would be huge. Would you accept an invitation should you be asked?	100%
Anonymous was a grassroots phenomenon. Nobody can claim to have originated "Anonymous" any more than someone can claim to have originated the civil rights movement. Anyone who was there when it happened knows full well that "Anonymous" began just like everything else did on 4chan.. it randomly emerged from chaos.. with lots of memes. Nobody can claim to have started Anonymous, but people do frequently co-opt grassroots movements for personal gain as you are doing now or maybe did long ago with Anonymous.	That news report was the result of a long war with a kid named Alex Wuori who made it his mission to ruin my life. My tripcode is in the video and I ran /i/.
The original news reports of a mysterious cabal of organized, elite hackers ("hackers on steroids") were a complete fabrication, although I suppose that some people who knew better saw this fabrication as an opportunity nonetheless. Am I wrong? Why tell a story about a bunch of /btards pretending to be hackers while trolling random message-boards when you could tell a story about a mysterious group of elite hackers? You wouldn't, such a story, which is the truth, would never have aired.	We had already developed DDoS tools and attack suites at that point, we were very much doing a lot of hacking by then.
Answer to Q above	Chanology was also already being planned.
What is the best thing currently being done by any Anonymous-type organization right now?	Right now? Stopping the absurd hate movement known as QAnon.
I just want to hear something that will make me feel good, and that there are still people out there willing to fight to make the world a better place.	Q answered above
How much did it cost to buy you?	I do it for free.
So, obvious question, but... who is Qanon? Can you name him or her? If not, why not? I mean, if you can’t, can anybody?	Jim Watkins, owner of 8kun, controls Q's tripcode.
What gave you the balls to go up against people that could retaliate? I am trying to do work that matters to my community like organizing and activism, but the fearmongering can be paralyzing at times	I doxxed myself to neo-nazis including Hal Turner in 2007 because I wanted to, and I quote,
Answer to Q above	"The real goal was to make him try to go through with his threat to sue me should an attack take place on his next show. The depressing part? Hal didn’t follow through with his threat, the gutless coward. I wanted to laugh at him as he failed his attempts to find a single judge in Canada that would take his case seriously."
Answer to Q above	You could say I've always been fearless like this.
Have you ever seen the anime Serial Experiments Laine and if so, what do you think of it?	I own it on DVD and it is still one of my favorite anime.
I’m someone that knows enough to respect, and fear, (somewhat) the price of knowledge of the things you’re privy to. What is your advice to someone that might want to delve deeper into the realms you swim comfortably and honorably in. Meaning: what value versus risk is there for someone like myself to try to jump in to the realms you and your processors have? If there IS value... how can one become involved on a learners level without riding too much..??	Knowing too much eventually takes its toll on you and your mental health.
Answer to Q above	The more secrets, the more weight. Just be safe, okay?
How do you feel about Barrett Brown?	I have no feelings one way or another but boy do my friends hate the guy.
Hi Aubrey.	Probably. I mean look at the guy. Clearly wants to pork his own daughter too.
is the Trump Pedo shit real?	Q answered above
I kind of have a silly question sorry, but is the Anonymous channel on Youtube the real one or is it propaganda? Also what skill do you think youngsters all around the world should know in general?	That channel is dogshit.
Hi i know you probably won't get to my question but is there any information you wish you could reveal to the world but know it would send you to jail?	Are you a cop? You have to tell me if you're a cop. It's the rules.
Who is listening over my iPhone microphone right now?	Your mother. She also said you're connected to the bluetooth speaker downstairs and needs to speak with you.
Could you say, hack into our account right now?	Sure. What's your password?
What went wrong?	The internet was a mistake
How can I into computer?	pres butan
How has Anonymous and 420chan generated money for you?	Starving artist.
What are some of the most ludicrous jobs/requests people have asked of you / anonymous? Like the kind of shit which just makes you go wtf or just plain stupid / impossible.	Take down Facebook.
If you're going to war with QAnon, why declare your intentions and go public? Wouldn't you be better served to operate more discretely like you did in the past with Anonymous?	My first strike was the Mother Jones piece. Consider this my rallying cry.
Do you think that the removal of the bourgeoisie will ever happen?	It's good to have dreams!
[removed]	My rage hit a boiling point and I couldn't sit back and watch any further.
Hey Aubrey if your still reading all of these. I saw one of your other comments say that your have been into videogames all your life. Im assuming you play PC games. If so, would you mind sharing your specs with another member of the PCMR?	I play all platforms. I am hardware agnostic.
Answer to Q above	My workstation is an i9-7900x + 64GB DDR4 + GTX 1080 with quad 1440p panels in a 2x2 configuration.

Here is Kirtaner denying that /pedo/ ever existed on his site.
He is lying. Not only did it exist, but the #ffshrine logs show that Sarah Nyberg was a user of the board.
This screenshot is from #ffshrine log file 2006-07-23.152115.html, where Sarah directly links to the board.
This screenshot is from #ffshrine log file 2007-03-27.074823+0100GMT.html, where Sarah talks about the content that was on /pedo/. This was after the board was shut down. Note that she says, "bad pics were posted, it's just that they took forever to delete them. officially they didn't allow much more than [12chan's] /girl/ does". It is an admission that 420chan hosted CP on /pedo/ and was slow to remove it.
The 420chan /pedo/ board is mentioned in five of the #ffshrine logs that are currently publicly available - 2006-07-23.152115.html, 2006-08-02.020011.html, 2006-08-18.084418.html, 2007-01-03.002302.html, and 2007-03-27.074823+0100GMT.html.
Also notable is the fact that img.420chan.org/pedo/ is excluded from the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine, but the rest of 420chan is not.
In addition, Kirtaner was banned from the Something Awful forums years ago for pedophilia. To this day, he blames his friend Marshall Banana, but the circumstances are questionable.
Credit goes to Roph for providing the #ffshrine logs and to SleepWithJournalists for their previous thread and infographic on the topic.
More information on Kirtaner, 420chan, and his /pedo/ board can be found on ED. I can't link it for obvious reasons.
Edit: Here is an archive of 420chan from 2006 showing Kirtaner talking about the /pedo/ board (Thanks urbn)

Let me give you some details about myself: 17 years old, male, haven't had any sexual contact with another human being that I elected to do (more in upcoming sections), and did some pretty illegal and fucked up things.
One thing I should note this early on in the text is that if child exploration of sexuality, child pornography and child molestation are topics that offend you, I suggest that you stop reading this right now and hit Ctrl+W (Cmd+W if you're using Mac).
Let's start with a few basic things. I was a pretty sickly kid ever since I came out of my mother's womb but that never stopped me from playing outside with other kids. I should probably tell you that my parents are dual citizens and so we tended to switch homes every now and then. This happened when I was in the country where most of my other relatives live. It started when I was around seven years old. I was a rather active child despite my physical shortcomings and so tended to make lots of friends. All the neighborhood kids were playing a local version of hide and seek where you have to form teams of three and I teamed up with a cousin of mine and a neighborhood kid both about two years older than me. We were bunched up behind a rusty pickup truck beside a tall cement wall and the neighborhood kid was crouching behind my cousin. It was a pretty good hiding spot as this truck still had one of its side mirrors attached and so one can use that to look around without risking a peek. Anyway, so this neighborhood kid said something I didn't understand and the next thing I knew, we were sniffing each other's butts. We came up with a consensus that my cousin had the smelliest butt of us three and he wouldn't accept this, so he called the other kids and the hide and seek ended up being a butt sniffing contest. We were around 10 kids if I recall correctly, sniffing each other's butts in an abandoned garage where adults couldn't see us. After this, we called it a day and headed home, my cousin towing me. He still couldn't get over the fact that he had one of the smellier butts of all the kids who attended that day, so he brought me to his room and demanded that we repeat our little game. We did it again the next day but this time, he said that he would show me a better game. He took out my little pecker, took his own out and began to rub them together.
Now I had this other, much older, obnoxious cousin who kept ragging on about pretty girls and the things you have to do to impress them so I had this sort of malformed notion or sense of physical attractiveness at an early age. And it told me early on that this cousin of mine was hideous like you wouldn't believe. And so while what we were doing felt really nice, at the back of my mind it felt really wrong. Not because being sexual was wrong (it isn't in the local culture) but because I didn't want to be this intimate with him because he's "that ugly cousin". And so this game lasted for five years. He got me to do a few stuff: hand job, rim job, blowjob, 69-ing, anal (he was pretty averse to it when it was my turn though), etc. He would sometimes make me blow him from under a desk when he was fiddling around with MMOs, but he did return the favour from time to time. He also told me that he does the same stuff with some of the other neighborhood kids. This one time, he tried to initiate when we were having a dip in the family pool with everyone around. Everyone must have thought we were just playing roleplays like we always do while he was rubbing his dick against mine. This happened again quite a few times and we almost got caught. The way he does stuff is usually painful so I didn't really get a lot of pleasure from doing them with him, but my young brain convinced me every time that I wanted more of it so I came back. And back. And back again regularly for about five years until my parents decided to split. I still visited a couple of times though, right until I got myself acquainted with a female classmate and had the courage to say no more. Me and my cousin are pretty good friends now.
So much for my early childhood. I mentioned something about having a girlfriend when me and my cousin stopped fooling around, right? So there I was, on the cusp of puberty making new friends in middle school. Because I moved with my mother when she and my dad split up, I had to ride a school bus to get to school, whereas before I usually just rode a bike to school because our house was but a couple of blocks from it. This was also the first time we got a proper internet connection. Before, we had to go to internet shops to do our stuff and I usually just printed out cheat codes for Action Replay whenever I did so (me and my PlayStation 2 were still inseparable at this point). Anyway, so I became friends with a guy from my bus who was a bit of a perv and he let me in on what I thought were shady stuff to be found online. I was piqued of course because I was still stretching my internet legs at the time. He told me about rotten.com (which I figure a lot of you have fond memories of) and from there I discovered porn. I was hooked. I started to stay up until the wee hours of morning in order to browse porn. Sometimes I fapped, sometimes I didn't. But it was marvellous. A few years back, I got a couple of porn mags from an older neighbour's bin. I didn't even know the word "porn" existed at the time. I just read the stories at the back (really!). So discovering internet porn was really mind blowing. And from there I found out about stories.xnxx.com and read fictional stories of young people having sex. That was when I started viewing my peers as sexual objects. This was a turning point in my sexuality because I did not consider girls sexually at the time, even when I started having those preteen relationships. I was hungry for more. But I had only some inkling of understanding that these things weren't meant to be seen by a boy like me. I discovered imageboards (particularly 12chan) and foreign image hosting websites, full of children doing suggestive poses. I even caught glimpses of obviously cropped images that would have showed full on sex. Girls, boys, it didn't matter. If the picture suggested anything sexual was going on, I fapped to it. Then I came across this particular image of a boy who looked a bit older than me with his dick in hand just about to cum. It was uncensored, bare, skin-and-all for all to see. I thought, this was it. This was something that I only cooked up in my head until this point. I wouldn't go back to censored child porn forever. So the websites I visited started getting shadier and shadier. I tried various P2P sites to no avail (even LimeWire was disappointing by this time). Then I came across a forum post by one guy trying to access FreeNet. I did some googling and I found myself installing the Tor browser bundle with a link to the Hidden Wiki on a sticky. It was freaking nerve-wracking -- here I was, 13 and knowing next to nothing about internet security, doing something I could get my mom jailed for. But I was pretty desperate and did whatever precautions I read were necessary and began my journey.
I was astounded at what I saw. This, my by-now-pretty-fucked-up brain thought, was the end all be all of porn. Images, videos -- if it's child porn, then it certainly is on Tor (or FreeNet for that matter). I set up a TrueCrypt volume and picked the OnionPedo Video Archive dry of its videos of children my age having, well, sex. Seeing toddler porn was rather disturbing, but in my mind it was all worth it. I saw some pretty heavy shit in that span of three years. Most of the websites get into a cycle of being taken down and then resurfacing, but I carried on with my fucked up work.
When I neared sixteen I began to read about child molestation accounts (mostly on reddit) and realised that I was, in fact, molested as a kid. It wasn't a horrible brick to the face thought that came to me. It was just an "Oh, right" thought. This was around the time when I started to get repulsed by the images I was consuming. When I first started, I viewed videos of kids as young as eleven. By the time I stopped, the only videos I had on my volume were of 16-17 year olds. So my fucked up tastes did grow up with me. But this was also the time when I started to get desensitised to porn in general. I stopped giving a flying fuck about sex last year. Heck, now I see sex in my mind in a very nonvisceral way. Did I break something? I am still attracted to people (women in general) but I can't seem to think of them in a sexual way anymore. It feels like I passed a point of no return, like I fucked up with my dick too much that it gave up on me. Shit, it feels like divine retribution or something, because I fapped to children. And now I can't fap to anything at all. So what's my orientation? Is there anything I can do to pay for what I've done or have I crossed a moral event horizon and should just rid the world of myself?
TL;DR: sniffed some butts, got butt fucked, discovered porn, discovered child porn, did a 180 and now can't even think about sex sexually. Help?

Ok... My husband (26) and I (25) are having some issues. I met him in March of last year and we ended up getting pregnant in June. We decided that we didn't want to terminate and would like to stay together. So things are going rather awesomely. He is an extremely sweet and thoughtful man who does everything he can for me. I move in with him and we're very happy.
I start to notice that he tends to keep his phone away from me. I ask him if there was a reason for it, he said no reason and that I'm free to look through any of his stuff, so I do because I'm a very curious person. I proceed to look through his stuff and find internet history that makes me rather uncomfortable. I'm assuming he thought that he deleted everything that he didn't want me to see, but apparently I'm more computer savvy than him. I proceed to find lots of 12chan stuff, videos of young (12ish) girls dancing very sexually on youtube, and just lots of searches looking for sexy young girls. Obviously I freak a bit and confront him. He proceeds to lie to me, thinking that there was no way that I could know all that I know. He said he looked once because he was curious (referencing 12chan), but I know he's been doing it for months and yea... He eventually gave up trying to lie and said he was embarrassed, but it keeps happening (the looking at youtube vids). I told him I wouldn't look through his history again, but he said that I was free to look through anything of his. So I looked at his facebook messages...
I find that he's had a kind of love affair with a girl who is 17 and they've been planning to marry each other for years. Ok... so he was attracted to a girl who (I'm guessing from the timeline) was 13 when he was 22. Apparently they stopped having their ldr sometime before I met him, but from their messages I gather that they still talked on the phone while we were dating. He told me that he didn't emotionally cheat on me, but I'm not sure I believe him because he used to constantly look up her facebook pictures.
To the best of my knowledge he hasn't looked at this stuff or talked to young girls for a long while, but I think the damage has been done.
So now here I am, I've had his child and I'm a sahm/online college student while he works full time and supports us. I'm having a hard time letting go of what I've seen and trusting him since he's lied to me before, but mostly I'm just very angry and feel stupid for trusting him and staying. If I leave, I can't support myself and will have to move in with my father which will be an even worse living arrangement since he abused me when I was very young and I don't trust him around my child. I have no where else to go. Please don't say I'm stupid if I stay, I know, this is what makes me angry/sad as well.
We are going to counseling next week because I told him that I'm constantly angry at him and very sad, but I'm not sure that I can ever look at him the same way. Anyways, anyone have any advice for me? How can I get over this or at least not be so upset all the time? I can't leave him while I'm still in school, 2 more years and then I'll be out. Or am I just a crazy, insecure person?
TL;DR Husband has looked at very young porn, I'm having a hard time letting it go.

Throwaway for a lot of reasons.
I have been contemplating on doing this AMA for a while now but after reading a few "I have an online significant others" and the one girl (possibly a troll) posting about how her nude pictures were put on sites without permission I decided to talk a little bit about my story.
During our online "relationship" a nude photo of "WENDY" was hacked from her computer and was spread by her ex boyfriend all over the internet. Out of the 100,000 people who admired her there was probably 10,000 people who did not. And well, that's still a shit ton of people so I had to deal with it for 5 years taking down the picture on sites like anonib, 4chan, 12chan, various porn sites etc. It felt like she was being sexually assaulted and I couldn't' do anything about the posting and the things that were said. I used to have nightmares of her being raped. Alongside Wendys, my life was hitting a low too. It mindfucked us both severely but it never stopped me from fighting the impossible. I suppose I was too proud or stubborn and too compassionate to not ever care and admit defeat.
The picture incident was a part to why we never met in real life (her self esteem was shot to the point of suicidal at this point). The fact that I wanted to meet her was a huge factor to an extremely stressful relationship and led her to dumping me. I believed at that point that if we had met than things would have been different or she would realize that all the stupid internet drama doesn't matter if I was actually there with her... I was so mindfucked because of that. It led me to blaming people and society my for my woes etc. I lost faith in humanity. I was alone because I only had 1 friend at that time and that was Wendy. Forever alone indeed. Dark stuff.
But yeah, I completely changed my life around. But that could possibly be another AMA altogether.
After the experience, it made me think that all online relationships are ridiculous on the basis that you really don't know someone until you know that person in real life. There are experiences in real life that does not simply happen in a game or over yahoo webcam. And I am going to assume that you actually would like to spend irl time with your significant other... In my opinion, such relationships are based on false assumptions about each other until you actually meet. I've seen/heard so many horror stories that it belongs to another AMA as well.
TLDR; Don't fucking get into an online relationship.