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2014.01.08 10:48 MrHairyBrit - YouTube.com/MrHairyBrit
#Funny #News #Videos and more from MrHairyBrit. Feel free to submit #funnynews you think Alan should cover! Go check out his channel - www.YouTube.com/MrHairyBrit YouTube Tips - www.YouTube.com/AlanSpicer SUBSCRIBE FOR FREE - http://goo.gl/MJe2Tj and JOIN the #HairyFamily :)
2019.06.20 01:06 oceanatlas Florence Pugh
Welcome to the subreddit for fans of actress & sometimes musician Florence Pugh! Pugh Project Release Schedule: • Dune - Part 2 (March 1, 2024) • Marvel’s Thunderbolts (TBD) • The Pack (TBD) • East of Eden (Netflix, TBD) • We Live In Time (TBD)
2024.05.20 08:34 GuiltlessMaple Best Cheap Chunky Yarns
 | submitted by GuiltlessMaple to u/GuiltlessMaple [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/0m92n8rh0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=81cd112e7d346ee0090875d1d737523ea0938524 Are you a knitting enthusiast always on the hunt for affordable and high-quality yarns? Look no further! Our roundup of cheap chunky yarns will leave your wallet happy and your knitting projects stylish. Discover a range of budget-friendly options that don't compromise on quality. Join us as we explore the best in affordable knitting materials for your creative projects. Get ready to expand your knitting repertoire with our guide to cheap chunky yarns. We've curated a list of the most affordable and attractive options on the market, perfect for knitters of all experience levels. From vibrant hues to soft textures, our selection will cater to your unique taste and style. Dive in and see how easy it can be to create stunning knitting projects without breaking the bank. The Top 5 Best Cheap Chunky Yarns
Reviews🔗Handcrafted Warm Autumn-Winter Knitting Yarnhttps://preview.redd.it/3qhcix9i0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=458b98d9c955758f7abdbed679cd7eeb3e6c5f91 I recently picked up YarnArt's Pacific Chunky to try my hand at knitting some cozy scarves for the upcoming winter. I must say, I'm quite pleased with this product. The multicolor variegated pattern is stunning and its thick, wooly texture is perfect for keeping me warm on those chilly nights. Plus, despite being a blend of wool and acrylic, it doesn't shed too much, which is a major plus. One feature that particularly stood out was how versatile this yarn is. I used it to make a sweater, a cardigan, and even a pair of mittens! And each piece turned out beautifully. The recommended needles (4.5 mm) and hooks (5 mm) worked perfectly with the yarn, providing just the right tension for even stitches. However, one downside I did experience was that the yarn tended to split when working on tighter stitches. But this wasn't a deal-breaker for me, as I still managed to achieve a nice finished look. Overall, YarnArt Pacific Chunky is a great option for those looking to add some color and warmth to their knit projects without breaking the bank. 🔗Super Velvet Chunky Cotton Arm Knitting Yarnhttps://preview.redd.it/je9fn2oi0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f75abb45ae0f2ea0fb3d50529139096c35314e7f Aloiyue's Chunky Blanket Yarn is a thick, warm, and stylish addition to your collection. I recently started knitting again after a long hiatus, and I'm absolutely loving this leopard print yarn. It's not only great for knitting crochet pillow throws, but it's also super easy to work with due to its bulkiness. One of the things I genuinely appreciate about this yarn is how soft and warm it feels in my hands. I've had some past experiences with Velvet yarns that lacked this softness, making them somewhat unappealing to work with. Additionally, the leopard print design adds a touch of sophisticated style that I find truly captivating. However, one drawback I've noticed is that it tends to shed a bit while I work with it. I also find the colors to be slightly more subdued than I would like. Not a complete deal-breaker, but it's definitely something to be aware of. All in all, Aloiyue's Chunky Blanket Yarn is a fantastic option for knitting crochet pillow throws, particularly if you're a fan of soft and warm materials. Just be prepared to deal with a little extra shedding and slightly muted colors. 🔗Teal Waves Bernat Softee Chunky Yarnhttps://preview.redd.it/fhvyjpzi0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7f837134e73c777abbd6884dfea7c02c3ec9220 When I first laid hands on Bernat Softee Chunky Yarn, I was immediately drawn to its thickness and softness, which I knew would be perfect for knitting warm, cozy blankets and cardigans. The stitch definition is top-notch, giving my projects a professional look that's sure to impress. I did notice a difference in texture between some skeins, but overall, I found it to be a reliable and economical choice for my knit and crochet projects. One feature that really stood out for me is the large ball size, making it easy to complete projects quickly without having to constantly change skeins. I also appreciated the broad range of rich colors that Bernat offers, giving me plenty of options for my designs. However, I was a bit disappointed with the limited color selection in some shades. As for the cons, the varying texture between different skeins can be a bit annoying, and I wish the yarn didn't have such a strong chemical smell when I first opened the package. Overall, Bernat Softee Chunky Yarn offers a satisfying blend of style, functionality, and comfort, making it a great choice for both beginners and experienced knitters alike. 🔗Arm Knitting Chunky Bulky Yarnhttps://preview.redd.it/uctafwdj0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8a0c64acc5d95c96fceea62ad203be5e1dfc5e66 I recently tried the "Bulky Yarn" for a DIY project, and it was quite an experience. The super chunky yarn is washable and made from roving, which adds a nice touch to the overall feel of the project. However, the one thing that caught me off guard was the length. It only measures 45M, which is much less than I expected. This could be a problem for those looking to create larger items, so keep that in mind. Overall, the yarn is soft and easy to work with, but the short length may be a drawback for some. 🔗James C Brett Flutterby Chunky Yarn - Bulky, 100% Supersoft Polyester, Various Colorshttps://preview.redd.it/qqby46qj0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c0d6bb15278664ffa7bb48740918644bf6af455 I recently got my hands on the James C Brett Flutterby Chunky, and I have to say, it's been a game-changer for my knitting projects. This luxurious 100% supersoft polyester yarn comes in a range of beautiful shades, making it perfect for warm cardigans, cozy blankets, or cute baby toys. From the moment I started knitting with this yarn, I noticed how incredibly soft and fluffy it is. It's a joy to work with, and the drape it gives to my knitted items is simply stunning. The recommended needle size (6mm) works perfectly, helping me achieve a beautiful stitch texture that stands out from other chunky yarns. One standout feature of this yarn is its impressive yardage of approximately 175 meters per 100g ball. This means I can knit up larger projects without worrying about running out of yarn too soon. And if that's not enough, the yarn is machine washable at 30°C, making it easy to keep my creations looking fresh and clean. However, like any product, there are some cons to consider. Some users have reported issues with yarn quality, noting that it can develop bald spots after washing. Additionally, the yarn's softness can make it a bit challenging to work with on certain needle types, such as plastic ones. But despite these minor drawbacks, the overall experience with the James C Brett Flutterby Chunky has been exceptional. Its high-quality texture, variety of colors, and reasonable price point make it a top choice for knitters and crocheters looking to create beautiful, snuggly projects. Buyer's GuideIf you are looking to get started in knitting or crochet, or simply want to diversify your yarn collection, cheap chunky yarns can be an excellent choice. These types of yarns are generally thicker in size, which makes them easier and quicker to work with, especially for beginners. Moreover, they tend to be more affordable than thinner yarns, allowing you to make beautiful projects on a budget. In this buyer's guide, we will discuss important features to consider when selecting cheap chunky yarns as well as some general advice to ensure you get the best quality for your money.Consider Fiber Contenthttps://preview.redd.it/67ecj89k0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=059df97e2bdb6b8c7c1fbedda4e176b2f1b08040 One of the most important factors to consider when choosing cheap chunky yarns is the type of fiber they are made from. Common fibers used in yarns include acrylic, cotton, wool, and blended fibers. Each type of fiber has its own unique properties, such as softness, durability, and ease of care, that can impact the final quality of your finished project. Acrylic yarns are typically the most affordable option and are ideal for beginners due to their stain resistance and minimal pilling. Cotton yarns are great for warm weather projects, as they are highly breathable and moisture-absorbent. Wool yarns provide excellent insulation and are ideal for cold weather projects, but may require special care to prevent felting or shrinking. Blended fibers offer a combination of properties from different fibers, such as the softness of acrylic and the warmth of wool. However, they may also be more susceptible to pilling, so it's essential to choose a high-quality blend that will stand up to wear and tear. Check Yarn WeightCheap chunky yarns come in various weights, typically classified as either "bulky" or "super bulky. " These weights are determined by the number of plies or strands that make up the yarn. Bulky yarns are generally denser and thicker, while super bulky yarns are even thicker and often have a larger stitch size. In general, the thicker the yarn, the faster and easier it is to knit or crochet projects.Be sure to choose a yarn weight that aligns with your knitting or crochet skill level and the specific pattern you will be following. Patterns designed for chunky yarns will often specify which weight to use for optimal results. Inspect Yarn QualityThe quality of cheap chunky yarns can vary widely among different brands and price points. To ensure you are getting the best value for your money, inspect the yarn closely before purchasing. Look for any inconsistencies in thickness, uneven dye jobs, or noticeable flaws in the fibers. A high-quality yarn will have a consistent texture and uniform color throughout, making it easier to work with and resulting in a more professional-looking finished project. https://preview.redd.it/902a9cok0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05e95b185316b61c739f559c650c967f9a5ea0c5 Consider Yarn CareWhile cheap chunky yarns may be more affordable, they may not always be as durable or easy to care for as more expensive options. Be sure to check the care instructions on the yarn label to determine whether it can be machine washed or requires hand washing, as well as any special drying or ironing requirements.Choose a yarn that aligns with your intended use and level of care you are willing to provide. For example, if you plan to create a cozy throw blanket for your couch, a stain-resistant acrylic yarn that can be easily machine washed may be a great choice. On the other hand, if you are knitting a delicate baby hat, you may want to opt for a softer, high-quality wool or cotton yarn that can be hand-washed. Experiment with Different BrandsWith so many options available on the market, it can be helpful to try out different cheap chunky yarn brands to find the one that best suits your needs and preferences. Some brands may offer unique texture, color, or performance features that set them apart from their competitors. Don't be afraid to experiment with different yarns and stitch patterns to find your ideal combination.By considering factors such as fiber content, yarn weight, quality, care, and brand variety, you can make informed decisions when selecting cheap chunky yarns for your knitting or crochet projects. With careful consideration and a little experimentation, you can create beautiful, durable, and affordable projects that you will be proud to show off and wear. Remember, this guide is meant to provide general advice and recommendations for choosing cheap chunky yarns. Always consult the specific pattern or project requirements to ensure the best possible outcome for your finished project. FAQhttps://preview.redd.it/0uqvjp8l0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d73c51748a0d12d186621c05b1baaa9483e0f6b What type of yarn is cheap and chunky?The most affordable option for chunky yarn would be acrylic, which is a synthetic fiber that is easy to work with and has great stitch definition. Other popular options include cotton, wool, and blends.How much yarn do I need for a chunky knit blanket?For a standard throw-sized chunky knit blanket, you will need around 8-10 balls of yarn, depending on your desired size and pattern. Always refer to the specific yarn requirements on the pattern you are using. https://preview.redd.it/z6po70nl0j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=067a737e6b07a97adf6a047adb8d70af9d7c2296 Are there any budget-friendly chunky yarns available online?Yes! There are various places online where you can find affordable chunky yarns, like Amazon, Etsy, and craft stores' websites. These platforms often offer competitive prices and discounts on bulk purchases.What is the recommended gauge for chunky yarn?Typically, chunky yarn is knitted or crocheted with a 4-6mm hook or needle. This will yield a gauge between 3-4 stitches per inch and 5-6 rows per inch.Can I use cheap chunky yarn for crochet projects?Absolutely! Cheap chunky yarn is suitable for various crochet projects like blankets, hats, scarves, and amigurumi. Ensure you have the right hook size for your chosen yarn to get the best results.How can I care for my cheap chunky yarn creations?To prolong the life of your projects made from cheap chunky yarn, wash them gently by hand and air-dry them away from direct sunlight. If the yarn is labeled "machine-washable, " use a cold, gentle cycle in your washing machine and lay flat to dry.What are some popular chunky yarn patterns?
How can I store my cheap chunky yarn to prevent tangling?To keep your yarn tangle-free, store it in airtight containers or plastic bins with tight-fitting lids. You can also use a yarn organizer or wind your yarn onto cardboard tubes for easier access and less hassle.Can I wash cheap chunky yarn with fabric softener?It is not recommended to use fabric softeners on chunky yarn projects, as they can leave residue on the fibers, affecting their texture and appearance. Instead, use a mild detergent and hand wash your creations carefully.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.05.18 20:36 Reasonable-Ad7828 My idea for a Halo Battle Royal
Title: Halo: RingFall
Story: On Installation 06, 16807 Abashed Eulogy contemplates the history of the galaxy. All its conflicts, wars, and struggles. She ponders which of the many factions of the galaxy is truly the most powerful. Which one has the greatest potential for destruction and glory. So, she decides to experiment. Converting a large section of her ring, she transforms it into a battleground. The thick vegetation is cleared, making room for environments that mirror multiple locations. A frozen tundra with forerunner architecture, a barren desert with a human outpost, a sickly swamp with a banished fortress, and a volcanic waste with crumbling ruins. Scattered between them are dense forests, open plains, and some rivers. With the scenery set, she begins her testing.
Gameplay: At the start of each match, an Arkship will fly across the landscape, dispersing fighters wherever they wish to deploy. The players will control their descent within drop pods before landing and exiting in a first-person cinematic display (think Chief's landing on Delta Halo in Halo 2 in first-person). Weapons from every Halo game, expanded media and even some new ones will be scattered about, along with a small amount of vehicles. Weapons would include the “cut” ones from Infinite, Halo 3’s brute weapons, Reach’s expanded arsenal as well as stuff like the Stanchion, Flamethrower, gravity rifle, and others. Vehicles would be Mongoose, Warthog, Razorback, Ghost, Revenant (Halo 4 design), Chopper and Maurader. Perhaps also a Mantis and Reaver. To push players to a randomly generated middle, Abashed Eulogy will designate an era as inadequate and begin a purge. First, the area will begin to crack and pale, signaling the "closing of the ring". Once a set amount of time has passed, the cracked area will be ejected into space, eliminating anyone left in the area and shrinking the fighting space. Abashed Eulogy will also act as the announcer, commenting in what is happening and changes about to occur.
Player content: To make the gameplay more interesting, players can choose between six factions between three categories to play as. Each player can create three "characters" per faction and can switch between characters and factions between battles. Unlockable customization is earned in a Reach-like style with credits earned based on your gameplay and leveling up. Each faction has unique animations, drop pods, and melee weapons. Putting away your weapons will allow players to run faster and be weaponless at will. Content will be shared between characters but not factions. The categories and factions are these. The Alliance: UNSC Spartans and Swords of Sanghelios Elites The Betrayed: Banished Brutes and Endless Xalanyn The Hated: Flood Combat Forms and Created Prometheans UNSC: The spartans will be in Infinite style (though Reach proportions if you know what I mean) and contain armor options from all games. There are also 3 voice types ( technically six, considering it’s 3 per gender). First is a stoic and calm Spartan 2, second is a professional but more bantery and laid-back Spartan 3, and third is the much more vocal and chatty Spartan 4. They will use the familiar UNSC drop pods and wield the Spartan knives from Reach Assassinations. SoS: The Elites will contain male AND female elites, allowing us to finally see female elites in game. Their armor will range from all games though the base shape is their Infinite Design. HOWEVER, there is an optional third body type in the form of 343 (Halo 4/5) style Elites for those who wish to play as them. Voice types will be a strict and professional Covenant Elite, second will be a boisterous and loud remnant follower and third is a more approachable and open-minded Swords Elite. The drop pod used will be the Halo Reach style, with the cover sliding up and the elite jumping out. Their melee weapon will likewise bet the Reach-style energy daggers.
The Banished: This will allow us to finally play as the brutes. They will have two body types; trimmed and neat Infinite Style or shaggy/hairy Halo 2 style. No female brutes. Armor will be from all games (2, 3, Reach and Infinite). Voice types will include a snarling savage that rarely talks, a devote covenant follower from Halo 3, or the bombastic and snarling Infinite style. Their drop pods will be the ones form Infinite, with fire and explosions, belching smoke and flame while the brute leaps out and roars. Unlike other factions, the Brutes use their fists as their melee weapons, with their running animations while “armed” being the beserking lope from Halo 2.
The Endless: This will be fun, allowing the expansion of Xalanyn design. I’m assuming they resemble the Harbinger, so they’ll be slender and regal, floating above the ground as if swimming in water. Due to the Harbinger being female, I’m going to say males and females are playable, with their armor taking inspiration from the already-seen designs as well as some influence from the Reapers of Mass Effects (the reapers themselves, not the Husks) Their voice lines could be a calm, regal figure that looks down on other species, an unhinged fighter who wants revenge for their betrayal and a solum warrior who feels they are dying and have little left. Their drop pod could be almost anything, but I feel they’d exit it with arms folded over their chest, floating out as if underwater. Their melee weapon would be their hand coated in energy to act as slashing blades.
The Flood: Getting to play as a Combat-Form has a lot of potential. Three body types; human, elite and brute, with armor being different ranks of each before they were infected. Voice lines will be super fun. The first is the Primordial; ancient and calm, talking about the inevitability of its victory and monologuing on ancient times. The second would be the Gravemind we know and love, speaking in riddles and metaphors before going unhinged and angry. And the third would be a proto-gravemind, snarling and groaning like a classic zombie and only speaking the occasional broken phrase or word. Their drop pod would be a flood sac, with the player crawling out of it. Their melee weapon will be tentacles that extend from their arm, and these also wrap around any weapon they pick up to aid in reloading.
The Created: The Prometheans would be soldiers, though modified to look a bit less “floaty”. A combination of what they are and the design that Wernissage created on YouTube. Their armor designs could range from Halo 4’s with different colors and lights, to 5’s more vivid metal and perhaps a few more floaty bits. Voice lines would include a dull, mechanical voice, very robotic and stiff. The second would be similar to Halo 5, serving Cortana and believing in the superiority of machines, and last would be a LifeWorker drone, striving to protect life and feeling they are only doing what they must by killing. Their drop pod would be a solid metal cylinder that disassembles partially to form the soldier itself, floating apart and then reforming into the player. Their melee weapon would be similar to the Knights light blade.
Additional Game Modes: A survival-style game with between 96 to 99 Flood players, unarmed, against 1 to 4 survivors who drop down and have to scavenge and attempt to kill the flood before they are killed. There could also be an Infection Style game where there are 99 survivors and 1 Alpha Flood who is a Juggernaut. Whenever a survivor is killed, they are turned into a flood form with their original character’s armor (or one of their flood character if they an endless or Promethean) and they keep respawning until either all survivors are dead or the timer runs out. Release and Future Content: On release, everyone who buys the game (which would be about $20, gets a 100-tier season pass that they can work through to earn customizations for their armor and decals. Think how For Honor does their passes. However, once the season is done (after a month or two) the pass remains so you can continue to unlock. The following season would introduce a new category and two new factions. Ancient Humans and Forerunners. Further seasons would include an ODST faction, a covenant Prelate Factions, a Fringe Faction that uses the Dazreme, an ONI season that has UNSC customization for Elites, Brutes, Prometheans, and radio-controlled Flood. A Covenant Season that unlocks Honor Guard Armor for elites, brutes and flood and Covenant Spartans, Prometheans, and Endless. The ideas go on and on.
Would this ever happen? Probably not. But I think it would make an amazing game that would breath life back into Halo without rewriting anything and would be an amazing thing!
That’s how I would make a Halo Battle Royal Game.
submitted by Reasonable-Ad7828 to halo [link] [comments]
Story: On Installation 06, 16807 Abashed Eulogy contemplates the history of the galaxy. All its conflicts, wars, and struggles. She ponders which of the many factions of the galaxy is truly the most powerful. Which one has the greatest potential for destruction and glory. So, she decides to experiment. Converting a large section of her ring, she transforms it into a battleground. The thick vegetation is cleared, making room for environments that mirror multiple locations. A frozen tundra with forerunner architecture, a barren desert with a human outpost, a sickly swamp with a banished fortress, and a volcanic waste with crumbling ruins. Scattered between them are dense forests, open plains, and some rivers. With the scenery set, she begins her testing.
Gameplay: At the start of each match, an Arkship will fly across the landscape, dispersing fighters wherever they wish to deploy. The players will control their descent within drop pods before landing and exiting in a first-person cinematic display (think Chief's landing on Delta Halo in Halo 2 in first-person). Weapons from every Halo game, expanded media and even some new ones will be scattered about, along with a small amount of vehicles. Weapons would include the “cut” ones from Infinite, Halo 3’s brute weapons, Reach’s expanded arsenal as well as stuff like the Stanchion, Flamethrower, gravity rifle, and others. Vehicles would be Mongoose, Warthog, Razorback, Ghost, Revenant (Halo 4 design), Chopper and Maurader. Perhaps also a Mantis and Reaver. To push players to a randomly generated middle, Abashed Eulogy will designate an era as inadequate and begin a purge. First, the area will begin to crack and pale, signaling the "closing of the ring". Once a set amount of time has passed, the cracked area will be ejected into space, eliminating anyone left in the area and shrinking the fighting space. Abashed Eulogy will also act as the announcer, commenting in what is happening and changes about to occur.
Player content: To make the gameplay more interesting, players can choose between six factions between three categories to play as. Each player can create three "characters" per faction and can switch between characters and factions between battles. Unlockable customization is earned in a Reach-like style with credits earned based on your gameplay and leveling up. Each faction has unique animations, drop pods, and melee weapons. Putting away your weapons will allow players to run faster and be weaponless at will. Content will be shared between characters but not factions. The categories and factions are these. The Alliance: UNSC Spartans and Swords of Sanghelios Elites The Betrayed: Banished Brutes and Endless Xalanyn The Hated: Flood Combat Forms and Created Prometheans UNSC: The spartans will be in Infinite style (though Reach proportions if you know what I mean) and contain armor options from all games. There are also 3 voice types ( technically six, considering it’s 3 per gender). First is a stoic and calm Spartan 2, second is a professional but more bantery and laid-back Spartan 3, and third is the much more vocal and chatty Spartan 4. They will use the familiar UNSC drop pods and wield the Spartan knives from Reach Assassinations. SoS: The Elites will contain male AND female elites, allowing us to finally see female elites in game. Their armor will range from all games though the base shape is their Infinite Design. HOWEVER, there is an optional third body type in the form of 343 (Halo 4/5) style Elites for those who wish to play as them. Voice types will be a strict and professional Covenant Elite, second will be a boisterous and loud remnant follower and third is a more approachable and open-minded Swords Elite. The drop pod used will be the Halo Reach style, with the cover sliding up and the elite jumping out. Their melee weapon will likewise bet the Reach-style energy daggers.
The Banished: This will allow us to finally play as the brutes. They will have two body types; trimmed and neat Infinite Style or shaggy/hairy Halo 2 style. No female brutes. Armor will be from all games (2, 3, Reach and Infinite). Voice types will include a snarling savage that rarely talks, a devote covenant follower from Halo 3, or the bombastic and snarling Infinite style. Their drop pods will be the ones form Infinite, with fire and explosions, belching smoke and flame while the brute leaps out and roars. Unlike other factions, the Brutes use their fists as their melee weapons, with their running animations while “armed” being the beserking lope from Halo 2.
The Endless: This will be fun, allowing the expansion of Xalanyn design. I’m assuming they resemble the Harbinger, so they’ll be slender and regal, floating above the ground as if swimming in water. Due to the Harbinger being female, I’m going to say males and females are playable, with their armor taking inspiration from the already-seen designs as well as some influence from the Reapers of Mass Effects (the reapers themselves, not the Husks) Their voice lines could be a calm, regal figure that looks down on other species, an unhinged fighter who wants revenge for their betrayal and a solum warrior who feels they are dying and have little left. Their drop pod could be almost anything, but I feel they’d exit it with arms folded over their chest, floating out as if underwater. Their melee weapon would be their hand coated in energy to act as slashing blades.
The Flood: Getting to play as a Combat-Form has a lot of potential. Three body types; human, elite and brute, with armor being different ranks of each before they were infected. Voice lines will be super fun. The first is the Primordial; ancient and calm, talking about the inevitability of its victory and monologuing on ancient times. The second would be the Gravemind we know and love, speaking in riddles and metaphors before going unhinged and angry. And the third would be a proto-gravemind, snarling and groaning like a classic zombie and only speaking the occasional broken phrase or word. Their drop pod would be a flood sac, with the player crawling out of it. Their melee weapon will be tentacles that extend from their arm, and these also wrap around any weapon they pick up to aid in reloading.
The Created: The Prometheans would be soldiers, though modified to look a bit less “floaty”. A combination of what they are and the design that Wernissage created on YouTube. Their armor designs could range from Halo 4’s with different colors and lights, to 5’s more vivid metal and perhaps a few more floaty bits. Voice lines would include a dull, mechanical voice, very robotic and stiff. The second would be similar to Halo 5, serving Cortana and believing in the superiority of machines, and last would be a LifeWorker drone, striving to protect life and feeling they are only doing what they must by killing. Their drop pod would be a solid metal cylinder that disassembles partially to form the soldier itself, floating apart and then reforming into the player. Their melee weapon would be similar to the Knights light blade.
Additional Game Modes: A survival-style game with between 96 to 99 Flood players, unarmed, against 1 to 4 survivors who drop down and have to scavenge and attempt to kill the flood before they are killed. There could also be an Infection Style game where there are 99 survivors and 1 Alpha Flood who is a Juggernaut. Whenever a survivor is killed, they are turned into a flood form with their original character’s armor (or one of their flood character if they an endless or Promethean) and they keep respawning until either all survivors are dead or the timer runs out. Release and Future Content: On release, everyone who buys the game (which would be about $20, gets a 100-tier season pass that they can work through to earn customizations for their armor and decals. Think how For Honor does their passes. However, once the season is done (after a month or two) the pass remains so you can continue to unlock. The following season would introduce a new category and two new factions. Ancient Humans and Forerunners. Further seasons would include an ODST faction, a covenant Prelate Factions, a Fringe Faction that uses the Dazreme, an ONI season that has UNSC customization for Elites, Brutes, Prometheans, and radio-controlled Flood. A Covenant Season that unlocks Honor Guard Armor for elites, brutes and flood and Covenant Spartans, Prometheans, and Endless. The ideas go on and on.
Would this ever happen? Probably not. But I think it would make an amazing game that would breath life back into Halo without rewriting anything and would be an amazing thing!
That’s how I would make a Halo Battle Royal Game.
2024.05.17 14:23 randomreddit7777 2023/24 Niro hev underbody solid plastic?
Does anyone know if the underbody on the new model has a good amount of hard plastic underbody paneling? I can't find a video on YouTube that shows underneath an hev. I know it's specific but I despise the hairy cardboard stuff that gets caked in salt and sags over time.
submitted by randomreddit7777 to KiaNiro [link] [comments]
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Remember to check our Ai Generator: CandyAI
2024.05.14 05:59 Fifigumdrasa-oolipo Tongue to Mouth Ratio
Anblitonoimz has four or five tongues, four mouths & five or em.
Th's firstsnd mouth urinaes fortso does "Coffee of a lifetime" Hes sputters, slurping up a cup of that good mud. "Splots dreams in thirty of our microwaves".
Ambipzonnzi doesn't cipher. "Let 's get born & roll down the hill, We get born & roll down the hill" His fourth one shoots ,in south-east yardings
"yearlong coffee beans, coffee plant. papa nu guineaa. Honduras. Lofty without a saddle". a third mouth wisses out sorta westishly through heavy phlegm
He twists to explore "Learn to drive, learn to walk. Crawl from town to town Babe. Crawl on all four wheel & kKaww like a Bird" anbipozond's mouth smacks on
"No point in crying over spillt milk"
"You keep saying that!". his northeast mote swirls in southwestard recounts
Eeps
from elswhere "Every auction is just the loudest, Heather". else now mutters a funnel with propose. "houses are birds with fourty wheels on a similar day". Insteebchlo raises his hand with a smile eager to answer the daily question. he starts to wave as he catches the attensions.
Noesteeblichavl has houses for heads, he sstarts jittering. "Your eyes are windows, someone needs to clean your windows. Your house is a head. Clean your windows off annd surprise the neighbors dog!" ... "hello"
"you're not driving to my off-grid parasite with that attitude". Ampliurpoznenzi shuffles his gums ,Crawling down the asphalt road on his hands & knees proudly. He might think he is an entrepreneur for a while or aprehend himselgf as an connoisseur forwhile.
"oh drink gasoline lika subaru" oensteeblih tweeks
"I've an appotite to put my teeth to the curb!" Ambeplerznz snaps & gnashes at houses
his foldy gob norths "One step at a time! Learn to crawl, Learn to walk, Buy some land babe, heyhow does much a hotel cost hahh".
"CAWWW" Apmliurpozoenzi's mouth makes a bird noise. having a bite yer own ear off & spit it at the coroner day.
"I think you will drink gasoline like my aunties subaru" houses heads repeats.
"Bvrruuuummmm" Ampliurpoznenzi's mouth does the car noise now. He's going somewhere, past the speed limit ,another four kilometers & he is gonna need his diaper change. Better get his wallet ready.
"You slurp gasoline, like ants in a subaru" Noesteeblo 'peats. Amblurdozinnzi pops into more civilized bucket. the house curls into a smile now. "look at youu!, you've become such a confident driver now!".
"C'mon, don't be so hard on yourself" Abemlurdozonz mremarks vaclantly. "So I could wear your face? Is it losing it's grisps on reality in here or me?"
Nostlible smeoes to him "Bro you okay?"
.....
"Ye get born into like machine & fall through like pachinko scottlander" . "Offered five things strange for new emergant traditions"
"Third tape recorder to the rotting egg translates the scripture, we're all just pachinko machines rolling down a hill arn't we?"
sorta just sautering around, peaking in through all the windows in the neighborhood, he's a freak tapping on the glass. Abmlorznonza is trying to climb into the garbage disposal, he wants to become ground beef or he wants to arrive to a wedding.
"Hey Do ies Yoeur Reaelity Okaey?". he mutters himself
Abamorbzonenz's large nose covers the porch in snot. He is smashed in through the windows. everything covered in snot. Dissassembles Th' Constructiom. "everything is covered in snot!!" He complains! "I SAID SEASAW. I SAID". Seasaw
...
"Highly Functional we are. Violences with the earthly gravitations ,Maneuvers to gnaw your tongue away at the glory hole ssir". Houses for heads whispers easy to his parole officer
.....
Ablimurzozna is inside the building, meeting all the wacky charicatures, really looking for something to snack on
"snooze on the cheesblock wiyhth a thousant feet of square areah". Zimberly's gonna need to fester up if she's gonna make it out of here alive.
-"come into my villa? withyer 6,000 foot long arms? I'll teach you the mannerisms" she stand combative with a toaster under her arm, holding the plug in her other hand.
The kitchen fatefuly occupied, Ablimzundz rushes square around & through down hallway, he drips the sweat "round nor square corners, I'm deduction points" his bin echoes offa chair in the passing.
... "I'm not just a petting zoo, I'm also a boarding school for chiropractory on the week-ends". Chochizialule snides from a toilet room "I pay money here"
Ambliuoznenzai screams, he begins to shrivel up & become hairy. "lettuce beef union, where did you go? lettuce beef onion. ".
"Let Us ..decode your one dimensoinal braine". presences Noestivbyuchevlo
another charicature interrups "I PLACED THE EYE INSIDE OF TJE HEAD & THE HEAD ON TOP OF THE BODY". Martin chimes over the loudspeaker. feeling like an eyeball inside of the tube today. just like all other days. an irreversible sense of time "I think I'll industrial my furnishments enjoy & pass out" He obviously has the plans.
"Do Not Touch Me". the subaru won't calm down.
"ellen my knuckle jelly is swearing. Juxtapose penguin my knuckle. Whatever fucking. My justice system swears at me."
Garvezetozald nouts at he,
"I can't relax. I'm on chameleon because my eyes move on their own. Indipendently from one anobther. " Amprulpozanzi won't shut up or he wouldn't
Nestavloblica tries to comprehend or understand "Autism is also a bell of god? Hey! Slow Down! Howhy are you aging so rapidly , in this metal bucket over here?"
Ampeliuropoznnz's wheels berate" DONN'T TOUCH MEE. I SAAID DONN'T TOUCHH MEE". He revs it!
"Hold it! Give your skin prison!" Windows for eyes shudders urgently. "Take me to your northern hemisphere! okay? okay?!"
Theres multiples of them
"No you No youKnow what You know you could Use?" they all say in unison
"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Ambluboznecviblo screams in whemchever direction heis headed ?
windows for nostrils speaks out loud "wel A well balanced curriculum would be dandy for starters".
Garvezetozald escorts ambinzopnonzor back to the pave "aluminum foil, very shiny in your bank deposit you know, But don't listen to me. Why would I fucking say anything ". He grumbles the offput as retreating it back inside.
ambilurbonznenance isnot having it. He's murking off in the anger pavement shoes. "Don't change the subject, I know you're hiding things from me".
Ambilerbeentsli "shiny aluminum foil heaps in my bank deposit". out of a different mouth or head after that whatever it said
.............................
intrusion layering dish. splattered withe batter. "Undetermined. loosely your own imagines, or yourself into they inretrospective periphany? who are you defying here? I did I hear (that right)?"
"I said build your little hhouse outthere, and& record yourf fairy shit, I stabbed you really hard with the fork" sends the not know says "yeah buddy, nascar teeth better be stoppin in to be stoppin tobe takina pittstop stop inn" Heaps he "STOP IT ,STOPP STIP. STOP IN THEs PIT FOR A STOP NOWW"
"are you been taking all oyour supplements skin-jaw pirate attorney?". eyuunNoesteblijhavwl Creoaks to the fiend
Pramblestabhon starts talk about lands all sorts and Louis Vuitton" We drop him off atthe nearest station
Scubs scenfen fenhinit. The cold touch of a stranger.
"Shd diedent mean to sdo that withe her subaru" "make the fuzzy worls ceawl owt but were notbhgoana takklk to you. Beat toyojar head with thea hmmm
The dufuzzys crawl out of the brain spot "COFFEEE AND TORTILLA CHIPS" Ambliubyonzunzi blares. He is crying the tears. "COFFEEE AND TORTILLA CHIPS" A second mouth of he shouts as well joins in.
"eyebrows, eyebrows jaws & toes, heavy finger-slips. uprightnowyou. Our gene pool is speaking~ (????) & having remained focused on the road this whole time"
...
"ofcourse We want gimberly to fall asleep at the wheel, make it look like it was an accident" Ampliunornzi agrees with himself "We want this we want that we want nothing more for ourselves" He's done & settled but restless & jiving. He keeps on driving, he worrys somedaybody will cut his brakes for him.
"No I think You betetetetter get onto bed on time " Noestelevblilpo bleyowabs abashed "sleep onfor more decades?, crawl on this earth, listen to the musics of the centuries?" nietstravlo attemptates their reconciel
Ampliupzinzunzi agleams unto the sedatiea. relloxed . enloungicated Dormitoitory. Parked something or other an a benchpt he rwests "If we don't chop uff all of the limbs then don'T throW uP on TimE." it complains. something seperate &.. he produces a small thermos from his (cupholder)
Ambliornuunzi Takes another sip of this coffee. He rolls the liquid around his tongue & swishes it in his mouth before hes swellow. "Brazil, Ecuador" He feels the longitude, He feeles the latitude, the coordinates of the bean. "South america, central america, yeah, You can taste it". The bitter wash is guzzled before it's swallowe. Amiburzobowenzanzha Licks it's teeth and gums. Functional piss distillery. With gusto he announce "Brazil, we need go to Brrazziill eyah". starts he runningh & He trips & smashes one of his mouths into the curb, If had he a tongue from there off bitten would it have been but lucky him, only smashing his teeth to scream & writhe.
submitted by Fifigumdrasa-oolipo to LibraryofBabel [link] [comments]
Th's firstsnd mouth urinaes fortso does "Coffee of a lifetime" Hes sputters, slurping up a cup of that good mud. "Splots dreams in thirty of our microwaves".
Ambipzonnzi doesn't cipher. "Let 's get born & roll down the hill, We get born & roll down the hill" His fourth one shoots ,in south-east yardings
"yearlong coffee beans, coffee plant. papa nu guineaa. Honduras. Lofty without a saddle". a third mouth wisses out sorta westishly through heavy phlegm
He twists to explore "Learn to drive, learn to walk. Crawl from town to town Babe. Crawl on all four wheel & kKaww like a Bird" anbipozond's mouth smacks on
"No point in crying over spillt milk"
"You keep saying that!". his northeast mote swirls in southwestard recounts
Eeps
from elswhere "Every auction is just the loudest, Heather". else now mutters a funnel with propose. "houses are birds with fourty wheels on a similar day". Insteebchlo raises his hand with a smile eager to answer the daily question. he starts to wave as he catches the attensions.
Noesteeblichavl has houses for heads, he sstarts jittering. "Your eyes are windows, someone needs to clean your windows. Your house is a head. Clean your windows off annd surprise the neighbors dog!" ... "hello"
"you're not driving to my off-grid parasite with that attitude". Ampliurpoznenzi shuffles his gums ,Crawling down the asphalt road on his hands & knees proudly. He might think he is an entrepreneur for a while or aprehend himselgf as an connoisseur forwhile.
"oh drink gasoline lika subaru" oensteeblih tweeks
"I've an appotite to put my teeth to the curb!" Ambeplerznz snaps & gnashes at houses
his foldy gob norths "One step at a time! Learn to crawl, Learn to walk, Buy some land babe, heyhow does much a hotel cost hahh".
"CAWWW" Apmliurpozoenzi's mouth makes a bird noise. having a bite yer own ear off & spit it at the coroner day.
"I think you will drink gasoline like my aunties subaru" houses heads repeats.
"Bvrruuuummmm" Ampliurpoznenzi's mouth does the car noise now. He's going somewhere, past the speed limit ,another four kilometers & he is gonna need his diaper change. Better get his wallet ready.
"You slurp gasoline, like ants in a subaru" Noesteeblo 'peats. Amblurdozinnzi pops into more civilized bucket. the house curls into a smile now. "look at youu!, you've become such a confident driver now!".
"C'mon, don't be so hard on yourself" Abemlurdozonz mremarks vaclantly. "So I could wear your face? Is it losing it's grisps on reality in here or me?"
Nostlible smeoes to him "Bro you okay?"
.....
"Ye get born into like machine & fall through like pachinko scottlander" . "Offered five things strange for new emergant traditions"
"Third tape recorder to the rotting egg translates the scripture, we're all just pachinko machines rolling down a hill arn't we?"
sorta just sautering around, peaking in through all the windows in the neighborhood, he's a freak tapping on the glass. Abmlorznonza is trying to climb into the garbage disposal, he wants to become ground beef or he wants to arrive to a wedding.
"Hey Do ies Yoeur Reaelity Okaey?". he mutters himself
Abamorbzonenz's large nose covers the porch in snot. He is smashed in through the windows. everything covered in snot. Dissassembles Th' Constructiom. "everything is covered in snot!!" He complains! "I SAID SEASAW. I SAID". Seasaw
...
"Highly Functional we are. Violences with the earthly gravitations ,Maneuvers to gnaw your tongue away at the glory hole ssir". Houses for heads whispers easy to his parole officer
.....
Ablimurzozna is inside the building, meeting all the wacky charicatures, really looking for something to snack on
"snooze on the cheesblock wiyhth a thousant feet of square areah". Zimberly's gonna need to fester up if she's gonna make it out of here alive.
-"come into my villa? withyer 6,000 foot long arms? I'll teach you the mannerisms" she stand combative with a toaster under her arm, holding the plug in her other hand.
The kitchen fatefuly occupied, Ablimzundz rushes square around & through down hallway, he drips the sweat "round nor square corners, I'm deduction points" his bin echoes offa chair in the passing.
... "I'm not just a petting zoo, I'm also a boarding school for chiropractory on the week-ends". Chochizialule snides from a toilet room "I pay money here"
Ambliuoznenzai screams, he begins to shrivel up & become hairy. "lettuce beef union, where did you go? lettuce beef onion. ".
"Let Us ..decode your one dimensoinal braine". presences Noestivbyuchevlo
another charicature interrups "I PLACED THE EYE INSIDE OF TJE HEAD & THE HEAD ON TOP OF THE BODY". Martin chimes over the loudspeaker. feeling like an eyeball inside of the tube today. just like all other days. an irreversible sense of time "I think I'll industrial my furnishments enjoy & pass out" He obviously has the plans.
"Do Not Touch Me". the subaru won't calm down.
"ellen my knuckle jelly is swearing. Juxtapose penguin my knuckle. Whatever fucking. My justice system swears at me."
Garvezetozald nouts at he,
"I can't relax. I'm on chameleon because my eyes move on their own. Indipendently from one anobther. " Amprulpozanzi won't shut up or he wouldn't
Nestavloblica tries to comprehend or understand "Autism is also a bell of god? Hey! Slow Down! Howhy are you aging so rapidly , in this metal bucket over here?"
Ampeliuropoznnz's wheels berate" DONN'T TOUCH MEE. I SAAID DONN'T TOUCHH MEE". He revs it!
"Hold it! Give your skin prison!" Windows for eyes shudders urgently. "Take me to your northern hemisphere! okay? okay?!"
Theres multiples of them
"No you No youKnow what You know you could Use?" they all say in unison
"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Ambluboznecviblo screams in whemchever direction heis headed ?
windows for nostrils speaks out loud "wel A well balanced curriculum would be dandy for starters".
Garvezetozald escorts ambinzopnonzor back to the pave "aluminum foil, very shiny in your bank deposit you know, But don't listen to me. Why would I fucking say anything ". He grumbles the offput as retreating it back inside.
ambilurbonznenance isnot having it. He's murking off in the anger pavement shoes. "Don't change the subject, I know you're hiding things from me".
Ambilerbeentsli "shiny aluminum foil heaps in my bank deposit". out of a different mouth or head after that whatever it said
.............................
intrusion layering dish. splattered withe batter. "Undetermined. loosely your own imagines, or yourself into they inretrospective periphany? who are you defying here? I did I hear (that right)?"
"I said build your little hhouse outthere, and& record yourf fairy shit, I stabbed you really hard with the fork" sends the not know says "yeah buddy, nascar teeth better be stoppin in to be stoppin tobe takina pittstop stop inn" Heaps he "STOP IT ,STOPP STIP. STOP IN THEs PIT FOR A STOP NOWW"
"are you been taking all oyour supplements skin-jaw pirate attorney?". eyuunNoesteblijhavwl Creoaks to the fiend
Pramblestabhon starts talk about lands all sorts and Louis Vuitton" We drop him off atthe nearest station
Scubs scenfen fenhinit. The cold touch of a stranger.
"Shd diedent mean to sdo that withe her subaru" "make the fuzzy worls ceawl owt but were notbhgoana takklk to you. Beat toyojar head with thea hmmm
The dufuzzys crawl out of the brain spot "COFFEEE AND TORTILLA CHIPS" Ambliubyonzunzi blares. He is crying the tears. "COFFEEE AND TORTILLA CHIPS" A second mouth of he shouts as well joins in.
"eyebrows, eyebrows jaws & toes, heavy finger-slips. uprightnowyou. Our gene pool is speaking~ (????) & having remained focused on the road this whole time"
...
"ofcourse We want gimberly to fall asleep at the wheel, make it look like it was an accident" Ampliunornzi agrees with himself "We want this we want that we want nothing more for ourselves" He's done & settled but restless & jiving. He keeps on driving, he worrys somedaybody will cut his brakes for him.
"No I think You betetetetter get onto bed on time " Noestelevblilpo bleyowabs abashed "sleep onfor more decades?, crawl on this earth, listen to the musics of the centuries?" nietstravlo attemptates their reconciel
Ampliupzinzunzi agleams unto the sedatiea. relloxed . enloungicated Dormitoitory. Parked something or other an a benchpt he rwests "If we don't chop uff all of the limbs then don'T throW uP on TimE." it complains. something seperate &.. he produces a small thermos from his (cupholder)
Ambliornuunzi Takes another sip of this coffee. He rolls the liquid around his tongue & swishes it in his mouth before hes swellow. "Brazil, Ecuador" He feels the longitude, He feeles the latitude, the coordinates of the bean. "South america, central america, yeah, You can taste it". The bitter wash is guzzled before it's swallowe. Amiburzobowenzanzha Licks it's teeth and gums. Functional piss distillery. With gusto he announce "Brazil, we need go to Brrazziill eyah". starts he runningh & He trips & smashes one of his mouths into the curb, If had he a tongue from there off bitten would it have been but lucky him, only smashing his teeth to scream & writhe.
2024.05.10 20:03 TheHairyDizz Come check out Epheminal and The Place!
Feel free to check out my itchio page. My games are free and you're welcome to try out my already released game, Epheminal.
https://thehairydizz.itch.io/
My YouTube channel has some footage from the place that you can find here!
https://youtube.com/@TheHairyDizz?si=wyVhQfwM6jFSRbM3
Thanks for your time!
submitted by TheHairyDizz to HorrorGaming [link] [comments]
https://thehairydizz.itch.io/
My YouTube channel has some footage from the place that you can find here!
https://youtube.com/@TheHairyDizz?si=wyVhQfwM6jFSRbM3
Thanks for your time!
2024.05.10 18:12 bamzing Thursday Modern Challenges Results - May 9 2024
Source: https://www.mtgo.com/decklist/modern-challenge-32-2024-05-0912637290
Source: https://www.mtgo.com/decklist/modern-challenge-32-2024-05-1012637301
submitted by bamzing to ModernMagic [link] [comments]
Source: https://www.mtgo.com/decklist/modern-challenge-32-2024-05-1012637301
Winners
- @Ale_mora_02 on RG Prowess [Jegantha]
- @OowashiAkatsuki on Domain Zoo [Jegantha]
Decklists
| 65 | Thursday Modern Challenge 1 (May 9 2024) | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1. | RG Prowess [Jegantha] | (8-2) Ale_Mtg | @Ale_mora_02 | ||
| 2. | 4c Living End | (8-2) MeninoNey | @MeninooNey | ||
| 3. | UW Control [Kaheera] | (7-2) nahuel10 | @Nahuel10Mtg | ||
| 4. | Bant Living End | (6-3) DevinShave | @Opt_gg | [Twitch] | |
| 5. | 4c Living End | (6-2) Sven745 | |||
| 6. | Amulet Titan | (6-2) Jumba | |||
| 7. | Domain Murktide | (6-2) virp | |||
| 8. | 4c Living End | (5-3) drVendigo | |||
| 9. | Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | (4-2) Ti0Patinhas | |||
| 10. | BG Yawgmoth | (5-2) lunaloveee | |||
| 11. | Amulet Titan | (5-2) mtgobazaar8 | |||
| 12. | BR Grief | (5-2) Capitano_CL | |||
| 13. | BR Grief | (5-2) Bearhunter | |||
| 14. | Jund Creativity | (5-2) SPyromancer | |||
| 15. | Esper Control [Kaheera] | (4-3) McWinSauce | @McWinSauce | ||
| 16. | BR Grief | (4-3) jvidarte | |||
| 17. | BR Grief | (4-3) tzio | @Titan_MTG | ||
| 18. | Bant Living End | (4-3) kahluah777 | |||
| 19. | Domain Zoo [Jegantha] | (4-3) VitoCorleone | |||
| 20. | Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | (4-3) MattTumavitch13 | |||
| 21. | Mono B Rack | (4-3) Selfeisek | |||
| 22. | BG Yawgmoth | (4-3) alemilan19 | @alemilan_19 | ||
| 23. | Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | (4-3) Alan07 | @AlanLB07 | ||
| 24. | BR Grief | (4-3) jeunejulio | |||
| 25. | BR Grief | (4-3) rastaf | @MtgRastaf | [Twitch] | |
| 26. | BG Yawgmoth | (4-3) Graciasportanto | @MauroSasso2 | ||
| 27. | 61-cards UG Tron | (3-3) narca | |||
| 28. | Naya Emeria Control | (4-3) levunga21 | |||
| 29. | 4c Living End | (4-3) LucasG1ggs | @GiggsMtg | ||
| 30. | Affinity | (4-3) bokk | |||
| 31. | UW Hammer | (2-4) dpsk | |||
| 32. | 4c Prowess [Jegantha] | (3-4) Darthkid | @AlejandroMFdez | ||
| 33. | UB Mill | (3-4) Soseloso | |||
| 34. | BG Yawgmoth | (2-4) Misplacedginger | @misplacedginger | [Twitch] | |
| 35. | Domain Zoo [Jegantha] | (3-4) Venom1 | @OowashiAkatsuki | ||
| 36. | 4c Prowess [Jegantha] | (3-4) avb | |||
| 37. | BR Grief | (3-4) SoulStrong | @Mtg_SoulStrong | [Twitch] | |
| 38. | Esper Control [Kaheera] | (2-4) MAFS | |||
| 39. | UR Murktide | (3-4) Lobanovski | |||
| 40. | BG Yawgmoth | (2-4) Selami | |||
| 41. | BG Yawgmoth | (2-4) boytriton | @SergioGarciaJ12 | ||
| 42. | RG Valakut | (2-4) Voltzwagon | |||
| 43. | Jund Creativity | (2-4) CARLONEE | |||
| 44. | Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | (2-3) k00p4 | |||
| 45. | UB Mill | (2-5) Janisss | |||
| 46. | Esper Control [Kaheera] | (2-4) Bad_Sean | |||
| 47. | UR Prowess [Jegantha] | (1-4) Doomenstein | |||
| 48. | Amulet Titan | (1-2) Iziter | |||
| 49. | 4c Prowess [Jegantha] | (1-2) Dreddybajs | @PocketJacesCast | [Twitch] | [YouTube] |
| 50. | BR Grief | (1-4) Egormaister | |||
| 51. | 4c Omnath | (1-2) missflood | |||
| 52. | 61-cards Amulet Titan | (1-3) TheKG | |||
| 53. | Mono R Prowess [Jegantha] | (1-3) medvedev | @m3dvedev | ||
| 54. | Domain Zoo [Jegantha] | (1-3) _Falcon_ | |||
| 55. | Jund Grief | (1-4) Rinbo | |||
| 56. | BR Grief | (1-2) Hatsunelol | |||
| 57. | RG Prowess [Jegantha] | (0-2) Player44 | |||
| 58. | BG Yawgmoth | (0-3) PintuMtg | |||
| 59. | RG Valakut | (0-1) BARNYARD | |||
| 60. | UW Control [Kaheera] | (0-3) Martin_Dominguez | @RuloMTG | ||
| 61. | Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | (0-4) DobleP | |||
| 62. | BR Grief | (0-2) LasVegasChaos | |||
| 63. | Jund Creativity | (0-2) Laranjinha-BR | |||
| 64. | 4c Omnath | (0-2) TrueHero | @IsThatTrueHero | ||
| 65. | BR Grief | (0-2) sokos13 | @sokos13_ | ||
| Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | _Tia93_ | @Tia_Rizzi93 | [Twitch] | ||
| RW Burn | Lord_Beerus | @Lord_Beerus187 | [Twitch] | ||
| Esper Control [Kaheera] | KingHairy | ||||
| BR Grief | mtgua |
| 56 | Thursday Modern Challenge 2 (May 9 2024) | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1. | Domain Zoo [Jegantha] | (8-1) Venom1 | @OowashiAkatsuki | ||
| 2. | Amulet Titan | (7-2) 532at | |||
| 3. | 80-cards 5c Omnath | (6-2) joetru | @joetruuu | ||
| 4. | Domain Zoo [Jegantha] | (5-3) _and_one_ | |||
| 5. | BG Yawgmoth | (6-1) _lluks_ | |||
| 6. | Esper Control [Kaheera] | (4-2) CliffBoyardee | |||
| 7. | BR Grief | (5-2) No_e_that_knows | @Noe_leal_jr | ||
| 8. | 4c Omnath [Kaheera] | (4-3) McWinSauce | @McWinSauce | ||
| 9. | BR Grief | (4-2) AmadeusPro | |||
| 10. | Domain Zoo [Jegantha] | (4-2) kasa | @kasatsuba | ||
| 11. | BG Yawgmoth | (4-2) Bean17h | @Ben_Ungar | [Twitch] | |
| 12. | 61-cards Amulet Titan | (4-2) HouseOfManaMTG | @HouseOfManaMTG | [Twitch] | [YouTube] |
| 13. | BR Grief | (4-2) Schiaveto | @Schiaveto_ | ||
| 14. | BR Grief | (4-2) matiasarg | |||
| 15. | Amulet Titan | (4-2) mtgobazaar8 | |||
| 16. | 5c Omnath | (3-2) FletcherPullUp | |||
| 17. | Esper Control [Kaheera] | (4-2) KingHairy | |||
| 18. | BG Yawgmoth | (3-3) TheMeatMan | @MeatMTG | [Twitch] | [YouTube] |
| 19. | Mono G Tron | (3-3) ice_nine_BIGFAN | |||
| 20. | BR Skelementals | (3-3) ShadowTitan1 | |||
| 21. | Mono R Burn | (3-3) DemianDesposito10 | |||
| 22. | BR Grief | (3-3) Manny- | @MannyStach | ||
| 23. | RG Prowess [Jegantha] | (3-3) MdvWin | |||
| 24. | Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | (3-3) cigarettesaftershrek | @wheredmyjuulgo | [Twitch] | |
| 25. | Amulet Titan | (3-3) musasabi | @flyingsquitou | [Twitch] | |
| 26. | BR Grief | (3-3) KeepAny7vsYou | |||
| 27. | BR Grief | (3-3) rastaf | @MtgRastaf | [Twitch] | |
| 28. | UW Control [Kaheera] | (3-3) nahuel10 | @Nahuel10Mtg | ||
| 29. | Amulet Titan | (3-3) Jumba | |||
| 30. | RG Prowess [Jegantha] | (3-2) BERNASTORRES | @P22Bernas | ||
| 31. | BR Grief | (3-3) Capitano_CL | |||
| 32. | RG Prowess [Jegantha] | (3-3) Mogged | @CKikidis | ||
| 33. | Ad Nauseam | (2-4) ScreenwriterNY | |||
| 34. | Mono G Tron | (2-4) SorryImSoTilted | |||
| 35. | RW Burn | (1-4) Lord_Beerus | @Lord_Beerus187 | [Twitch] | |
| 36. | RG Prowess [Jegantha] | (2-2) R3tr0sp3ct | |||
| 37. | BG Coffers [Umori] | (2-4) Walri | |||
| 38. | BG Yawgmoth | (2-4) Logo-299 | |||
| 39. | RW Burn | (2-4) jfariv | |||
| 40. | RW Convoke [Jegantha] | (1-3) sheastrausman | |||
| 41. | UR Boom // Bust | (1-2) wutup | |||
| 42. | Domain Zoo [Jegantha] | (1-4) boom_bust | |||
| 43. | RG Prowess [Jegantha] | (1-2) PintuMtg | |||
| 44. | BR Grief | (1-4) jvidarte | |||
| 45. | UB Mill | (1-5) Hernan72 | |||
| 46. | Jund Creativity | (1-3) Jtizzle10 | |||
| 47. | RG Prowess [Jegantha] | (0-1) Dreddybajs | @PocketJacesCast | [Twitch] | [YouTube] |
| 48. | Domain Zoo [Jegantha] | (0-2) TheWitchKling | @thewitchkling | ||
| 49. | UR Murktide | (0-3) bless_von | |||
| 50. | Jund Creativity | (0-2) YungDingo | @YungDingoMTG | [Twitch] | [YouTube] |
| 51. | BR Grief | (0-2) Masterbeardsman | |||
| 52. | Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | (0-1) kingofallyousee | |||
| 53. | Temur Prowess [Jegantha] | (0-2) k00p4 | |||
| 54. | Mono W Taxes | (0-1) Boin | |||
| 55. | UW Affinity | (0-2) TheNectar | |||
| 56. | UB Mill | (0-2) Testdummie54 |
Full Metagame Breakdown
12 Rx Prowess (5 Temur, 3 4c, 2 RG, 1 UR, 1 Mono R) 12 Bx Grief (11 BR, 1 Jund) 7 BG Yawgmoth 6 Living End (4 4c, 2 Bant) 5 UWx Control (3 Esper, 2 UW) 4 Amulet Titan 3 Jund Creativity 3 Domain Zoo 2 UB Mill 2 RG Valakut 2 4c Omnath 1 Domain Murktide 1 Mono B Rack 1 UG Tron 1 Naya Emeria Control 1 Affinity 1 UW Hammer 1 UR Murktide
10 BR Grief 9 Rx Prowess (6 RG, 3 Temur) 5 Domain Zoo 5 Amulet Titan 4 BG Yawgmoth 3 Omnath (2 5c, 1 4c) 3 UWx Control (2 Esper, 1 UW) 3 Rx Burn (2 RW, 1 Mono R) 2 Mono G Tron 2 UB Mill 2 Jund Creativity 1 BR Skelementals 1 Ad Nauseam 1 BG Coffers 1 RW Convoke 1 UR Boom // Bust 1 UR Murktide 1 Mono W Taxes 1 UW Affinity
X-2 or better Archetype Breakdown
4 Living End (3 4c, 1 Bant) 2 Bx Grief (2 BR) 2 Amulet Titan 1 Rx Prowess (1 RG) 1 BG Yawgmoth 1 UWx Control (1 UW) 1 Jund Creativity 1 Domain Murktide
4 BR Grief 3 Domain Zoo 3 Amulet Titan 2 BG Yawgmoth 2 Omnath (1 5c, 1 4c) 2 UWx Control (2 Esper)
New Cards (OTJ/BIG)
Slickshot Show-Off Roxanne, Starfall Savant Three Steps Ahead Spinewoods Armadillo Caustic Bronco Lavaspur Boots Pillage the Bog Tinybones, the Pickpocket Rush of Dread Pest Control Nexus of Becoming Simulacrum Synthesizer Fomori Vault Ancient Cornucopia
Follow me on Twitter!
2024.05.07 08:53 Adams1973 Censored Documentaries on YouTube.
Why are the hairy boobs and crotches blurred out in YouTube? Com' on, these are 1.75 million old proto-humans. Give us the real story, and not the Christian view.
submitted by Adams1973 to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]
2024.05.05 03:37 dumbass1234568 I need the square hole, I don't know where I fit.
I am not 100% sure what I want to be yet, but none of the options really appeal to my physical form
On one side, I think skirts would be really fun to wear and i have long hair already, and my main VRchat avatar is Astolfo so that was a big help in noticing that path. However, I am six foot two, muscular as hell, and have so much hair on my legs if I wore a skirt I would not need tights, I already look like bigfoot. I feel like I would look like the Big Mike Maid meme (but a hairy white guy instead) it would be funny, but not really a sustainable style. As one final point, my favourite music is by Madilyn Mei so I already fit into all those atypical communities since for some reason they seem to have claimed Partner in Crime all over YouTube.
On the other side, while I could lean into my fantastic genes and become a testosterone fuelled muscle lord, looming over everyone around me with my bulging muscles like a total asshole, unfortunately, I REALLY like food. I should have the world's best genetically crafted 6 pack assisted by occasional exercise, but it is hidden by my gargantuan pot belly from eating three servings of everything. The rest of my body is sculpted like a greek god, but my thighs and gut are that of a total human failure.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what path to take with this? Any other considerations I need to take into account?
submitted by dumbass1234568 to teenagers [link] [comments]
On one side, I think skirts would be really fun to wear and i have long hair already, and my main VRchat avatar is Astolfo so that was a big help in noticing that path. However, I am six foot two, muscular as hell, and have so much hair on my legs if I wore a skirt I would not need tights, I already look like bigfoot. I feel like I would look like the Big Mike Maid meme (but a hairy white guy instead) it would be funny, but not really a sustainable style. As one final point, my favourite music is by Madilyn Mei so I already fit into all those atypical communities since for some reason they seem to have claimed Partner in Crime all over YouTube.
On the other side, while I could lean into my fantastic genes and become a testosterone fuelled muscle lord, looming over everyone around me with my bulging muscles like a total asshole, unfortunately, I REALLY like food. I should have the world's best genetically crafted 6 pack assisted by occasional exercise, but it is hidden by my gargantuan pot belly from eating three servings of everything. The rest of my body is sculpted like a greek god, but my thighs and gut are that of a total human failure.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what path to take with this? Any other considerations I need to take into account?
2024.05.04 16:34 Scary01pen What are you're phobias
I'm scared of bugs specifically roaches or anything that has multiple hairy legs and scales. That's why I'm never touching crustaceans. I genuinely can't fathom how people just tear it up and eat, a crab is like a giant spider, hell no. Have yall seen horse shoe crab? 😭
Death - this is normal but I wasn't afraid of death a few years ago when I started listening to twenty one pilots. I'm agnostic so the thought of your consciousness ceasing to exist and you won't get to see the future and be forgotten is terrifying. Like you're just gone... That reminds me of our place in the universe and how life is meaningless owing to the fact that we can die anytime, have mental illness that strips us of self, be reduced to lifeless meat on the road.
Maybe we have meaning as a species but not individuals, so many have died, die and will die. How is another soo different? I genuinely think if I'm met with uncertain impending death, I'd pray(to reduce the fear of dying) even if I don't believe in God or higher being, and that's how religion works. To ground people to something because the infinite void around us, one could drift for eternity.
Fear of fear. Sometimes my mind starts to wonder and I'm bombarded with disturbing imagery of my own making. I'm not scared of the images but fear that comes because I'm supposed to be scared. Like I'm scared of the feeling of being scared so it's a loop of agony.
Finally, I saw a video on YouTube about Poughkeepsie tapes. There's one where a man is in a costume of all black but white face mask and the camera is really old so it has a found footage VHS vibe which makes it 10x scary. I literally couldn't sleep for days. People don't find it scary because it's just fiction but the way the man looked humanoid and injected a woman in plastic wrapping.
submitted by Scary01pen to Kenya [link] [comments]
Death - this is normal but I wasn't afraid of death a few years ago when I started listening to twenty one pilots. I'm agnostic so the thought of your consciousness ceasing to exist and you won't get to see the future and be forgotten is terrifying. Like you're just gone... That reminds me of our place in the universe and how life is meaningless owing to the fact that we can die anytime, have mental illness that strips us of self, be reduced to lifeless meat on the road.
Maybe we have meaning as a species but not individuals, so many have died, die and will die. How is another soo different? I genuinely think if I'm met with uncertain impending death, I'd pray(to reduce the fear of dying) even if I don't believe in God or higher being, and that's how religion works. To ground people to something because the infinite void around us, one could drift for eternity.
Fear of fear. Sometimes my mind starts to wonder and I'm bombarded with disturbing imagery of my own making. I'm not scared of the images but fear that comes because I'm supposed to be scared. Like I'm scared of the feeling of being scared so it's a loop of agony.
Finally, I saw a video on YouTube about Poughkeepsie tapes. There's one where a man is in a costume of all black but white face mask and the camera is really old so it has a found footage VHS vibe which makes it 10x scary. I literally couldn't sleep for days. People don't find it scary because it's just fiction but the way the man looked humanoid and injected a woman in plastic wrapping.
2024.05.04 13:06 nomass39 I'm a teacher at a school for children who aren't quite human. There's something in the basement. [Part 4]
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Finale
Something just occurred to me: these last few nights have been the first in years I’ve gotten through stone sober.
Having a few beers after work was just a matter of course, like taking medication before bed so you won’t feel sick. If it was a particularly bad day, I’d end up overdoing it and condemn myself to wake up the next morning with a murderous hangover and the knowledge that yet another potentially productive afternoon slipped right through my fingers.
But now, I feel focused. Fulfilled. Like I’m doing something that matters for the very first time.
The headmistress has the place under lockdown, of course. Every window covered and sealed, multiple lanky security agents attending every class, gas occasionally flushed through the ventilation system. For a woman so emotionless, the slight perspiration on her brow was basically her equivalent to a nervous breakdown.
And yet, of course, she demanded that her precious teaching schedule be maintained, through thick and thin. I didn’t mind. I liked to think that I was helping keep the kids sane — although really, it was more like the other way around.
I noticed the kids didn’t bother to hide their less human features anymore. Like Billy’s arm stretching a macabre seventeen feet to collect his graded papers from my desk, or Abigail climbing along the walls like a spider during recess. It made me smile, somehow, like they were letting me in on a secret world most people would never get to see. I was just reading them a cute little book about how a human boy and a wendigo learned to set aside their differences when the ball rang, and there she was at the door, ushering me with a finger.
“So who is this Saladin guy, anyways?” I asked as she led me down the hall.
“A hunter. Perhaps the most skilled we know of in the modern era, with a reputation for being capable of… punching above his weight class, so to speak,” she explained. “We thought we had him occupied chasing false leads across Bangladesh. To think that he was here in America all along, that he was slowly narrowing in on our exact location all this time and we never knew…” She clenched a hand into a fist. For her, the equivalent to screaming in frustration.
“Why did he decide to target… me?”
“Because you’re the first fully human teacher this school has ever had,” she confessed. “You were an unprecedented experiment. Even though it may introduce many… risk factors such as this, I thought it would do good for the children to have experience with a regular, everyday human.”
“And did you really choose me because I was… a loner? Expendable?”
She didn’t hear that question. Or maybe she just pretended not to hear it. “Saladin always pursues more covert means of achieving his ends, at first. He likes to take his quarry by surprise. But if that fails, as it now has, his plan B invariably involves some form of, well… overwhelming force.” She sighed. “But there is some good news, at least. Thanks to the efforts of you and Katie, he was forced to leave behind his weapon of choice.”
From her sleeve, she produced that blade that Saladin had been pulling from his throat. The one that would have dealt Katie the killing blow, if I’d just been a second later. It was jagged and black, and looked primitive, but a bit dazzling with the scarlet streaks embedded into its surface. “What’s so special about it?”
“It’s a blade of obsidian damascened with aglaophotis. To put it simply… it can cut through anything.” I reached out to feel its shiny surface, but she jerked it away from me. “I would recommend you avoided even so much as touching it. It may have… deleterious effects on a regular human.”
For some reason, I was reminded of Saladin’s words: when dealing with matters of the occult for long, there are two options: sacrifice your life, or your humanity. There is no third path.
We came upon a heavy iron door in some obscure corner of the school, and she set about unlocking multiple tiers of locks. “I apologize, Mister Vermeil. I know you appreciate your autonomy, but I must insist that you remain within the complex for the duration of the lockdown,” she said. “That means staying in the dorms. The ‘bunker’ down the mountainside. I’m sure you’ve noticed it.”
“Is this some sort of… secret path?”
“The school’s access tunnels provide secure routes to many places. But I must confess, while the school itself was made to provide a safe and welcoming front for human visitors, the tunnels were not. They were never intended for your kind.” She paused. Even she seemed the slightest bit nervous. “There are… many dangers down there. So I must ask that you stay by my side, and do exactly as I say, when I say it. Are we understood?”
She didn’t have to ask me twice.
I immediately saw what she meant when she said these tunnels weren’t designed for human use. They were horrifically claustrophobic labyrinths of concrete, to the point I sometimes had to bend down or angle myself sideways just to squeeze through. The must was suffocating. Hallways of seemingly random shapes and sizes jut out in every direction, and I had no idea how she’d memorized which to take.
All it took was a single moment. A single instant’s lapse in concentration, a single glance away as my clothes caught on a hunk of concrete. And she was gone.
I’ll be honest: I don’t do well with cramped spaces. And when it fully sunk in that she had vanished, and I was alone down here in the dark, my first instinct was to crumple into a ball and start sobbing.
Embarrassingly, I had to calm myself down in the exact same ways I calmed my students when they were having a tantrum: I talked through my feelings, took deep breaths, grounded myself. You’ve been through so much worse than some tight hallways, I thought. Keep it together. But every step forward was a herculean effort, like I was knee-deep in sludge.
All I had to light the way, now, was my little phone flashlight. And the darkness around me seemed to somehow be fighting back against the light, and was rapidly taking territory. I’d venture forward down a hall, and it’d get tighter and tighter with every step… so I’d turn around, and somehow, the same thing would happen on my way back. Was I losing my mind, down here in the dark? Or were the walls really closing in on me, like I was about to be crushed by the peristaltic motions inside of some cyclopean creature?
And every so often, I’d run into one of those shed skins, like I’d seen in the ditch outside the school all those days ago. They’d tangle around me like a spider’s web, and I’d cry out as I thrashed to tear them off of me. On a closer look like this, they didn’t seem reptilian in the slightest. They looked… human.
And then, down the hall, came a sound. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God,” I called out. “Headmistress, I’m right-”
And then came another sound, the guttural crackling of a snarl rising from an unnatural throat. And I realized that I had just drawn the attention of something terrible.
I bit my tongue to stifle a gasp. Mentally I screamed at myself over how stupid I’d been. I tried to turn my flashlight off, but ended up dropping my phone and illuminating the entire hall. All I could do was back up as far as I could, press my back to the dead end, and await whatever was coming to me.
Footsteps in the darkness, of a sort of hobbling, awkward gait.
In the dim light, a silhouette came vaguely into view. It looked roughly the shape of a man, but the proportions were all wrong. The shapes. It was like a child’s drawing of a human being. Too angular, too thin. And along that jagged form was a garden of tumorous growths, hair and teeth and blind half-formed eyes poking from malignant teratomas, cushioned in almost scrotal pockets of loose and wrinkled flesh.
There was no head above its shoulders. Instead, there was a limp, swaying tube of flesh, and when it faced me, I could see down into the countless rows of teeth lining that esophageal tube like a Lamprey eel. Some sort of black ichor drooled from that undulating tube as the creature stood where my phone had landed, creaking and groaning in place.
Then, the thing turned, and shuffled back into the darkness.
It was blind! Of course! It had just been investigating the last noise it had heard. I thanked whatever gods may be, and clung to my little corner for what felt like hours before finally working up the courage to retrieve my phone with a shaky hand, and kept creeping down the halls.
Another noise. My blood froze in my veins. But then the headmistress’ face emerged from the dark, and I almost cried from relief. “Oh, thank God! I lost you, and… and why didn’t you warn me about the, the creature down here? That blind… leech-looking thing!” I demanded. “I know you said it was dangerous, but I cannot believe you let something like that just… go waltzing around down here!”
And, for the first time in my life, I saw the headmistress go pale.
“We don’t.”
This time, she kept a hand squeezed around my wrist as she practically sprinted down the halls. We came to an observation deck observing what looked like some sort of containment chamber. One of those security agents laid sprawled across the floor, split in two. The chamber below was littered with those shed skins, as well as chunks of other things I couldn’t name. She looked down on the empty chamber with bewilderment. “The Cancer. It’s… it’s really out. Who… who would ever do this?”
“The Cancer? Why’s it called–“
She swallowed her fear. “Because that’s simply what it is. A walking cancer. Cells growing and dividing aimlessly, uselessly, limitlessly.” She gestured to herself. “From it, we grow these human skins we wear. Guide its ceaseless growth to build our new bodies, piece by piece.”
Automatically in accordance to some built-in schedule, a red light clicked on in the containment unit accompanied by an industrial wail. Chunks of red viscera dropped from a tube in the wall — and amid the meat, I swore I saw hands, feet, clothes. “You feed people to that thing!?”
She sighed as if my human emotions were an inconvenience. “The meat is recovered from cemeteries and morgues. Don’t lose your composure, now. We have to focus.”
She laid out the situation. Every cancer wants to spread, wants to feed itself. It’ll find a way out before long, and when it does, that won’t exactly bode well for the people of our cozy little mountain town. Whoever did this disconnected all emergency switches down here, and we didn’t have any signal. We couldn’t go all the way back to gather reinforcements. We had to handle this now.
On our way out, we found another of those security agents, sat near one of the control consoles by the containment chamber security airlocks. This one, I almost didn’t recognize as human at first. A man-sized tumor had mostly consumed him, that hairy, throbbing mass bulging as we neared as if sensing we were threats. Only one arm and his head poked free from the malignant growth, eyes wide and yellow, mouth hanging open breathlessly. The headmistress stood over him, coldly. “It was… you? You did this? May I ask… why?”
He croaked out a few words in a slow wheeze. “Saladin. He… had my family.” She nodded without a word, and ended his life with the damascened blade dispassionately. I guess it was a mercy, at that point.
I felt helpless, unarmed like this. Being the bait was an unenviable position. God, I wished I could get my hands on that blade of hers. I was fighting a panic attack as we went creeping through those halls again, until the headmistress stopped us with a raise of her hand. I was confused for a moment, until I strained my ears. There it was: that wheezing, shuddering croak from down the hall.
She gestured. I nodded, took a deep breath, and got into position. She hid around another corner as I braced myself… and clapped.
The immediate roar from down the hall sent such chills through me that my legs almost gave out from underneath me. The thing came sprinting down the hall full-force, drool flickering everywhere as its tubelike head flopped around with its movements. I closed my eyes and awaited the end.
The headmistress popped out at just the right time. Seizing the moment, she stuck her blade right through the thing’s back, leaving it thrashing on the end of it like a field mouse impaled by a spade fork. With speed no human could match, she took chunks out of it, the sort of chunks that even it could not heal back. But it wasn’t enough. With a swing of its long head, it batted her away… and when I stepped forward to help her, it impaled me through the chest with that writhing tube, and stole my breath away.
I was pale and shivering as I held my hands against my bleeding wound. This is it, I thought. This is how I die. The life that flashed before my eyes was dull and boring, but at least it got pretty interesting right at the end. But darkness didn’t come creeping around the edges of my vision like I expected. Instead, I felt a tingling down below. I looked down at my chest, and witnessed the wound closing — wait, no.
Metastasizing.
Bulging pustules of permeating tumors filled the gaps in my flesh, rife with patches of hairs and little chunks of teeth just as the creature itself had been. I screamed at the agony of it as the cancer cracked through my ribs and pushed my heart and lungs aside.
And then those thin, boney hands settled on either side of my head, and yanked it upwards with a strength that should be impossible to them. In a rational world, it would have ripped it off. Instead, I felt jolted high in the air, and realized my neck had been extended a good few feet through sheer cancerous tissues, like a character from some morbid cartoon. My head bobbed on its distended neck like a jack-in-the-box, as I was left staring down at my own body. Every single thing the creature did to me just created more of me to fill the wounds. Oh God, I thought. It won’t even let me die.
It was the very distant singing of birds down another hall that ultimately drew the beast’s attention away. It visibly quivered as it realized it had found its way out. All we could do was watch as the thing tore off into the darkness, roaring to itself as if in triumph.
I don’t know how many hours have passed. I’m in the infirmary, now, largely returned to normal. The three-eyed nurse seems bored even as she treats me with medicines and surgeries no earthly doctor would ever recognize. Reversing, slowly and by degrees, the impossible ways the beast had twisted and reshaped my body. I’ve at least regained some control of my physical faculties, but in the process, I’ve been exposed to whole new categories of pain. Types of agony I thought were impossible. Types I never would’ve had to know had I gotten a job at any other school in the world.
But the poor headmistress in the bed next to me seems more miserable, still. Shellshocked, even. Her eyes sunken and haunted. “He’ll be back,” I can hear her whisper. “He’ll let the Cancer gorge itself. Grow and grow. And then… he’ll be back.”
Part 5
submitted by nomass39 to nosleep [link] [comments]
Something just occurred to me: these last few nights have been the first in years I’ve gotten through stone sober.
Having a few beers after work was just a matter of course, like taking medication before bed so you won’t feel sick. If it was a particularly bad day, I’d end up overdoing it and condemn myself to wake up the next morning with a murderous hangover and the knowledge that yet another potentially productive afternoon slipped right through my fingers.
But now, I feel focused. Fulfilled. Like I’m doing something that matters for the very first time.
The headmistress has the place under lockdown, of course. Every window covered and sealed, multiple lanky security agents attending every class, gas occasionally flushed through the ventilation system. For a woman so emotionless, the slight perspiration on her brow was basically her equivalent to a nervous breakdown.
And yet, of course, she demanded that her precious teaching schedule be maintained, through thick and thin. I didn’t mind. I liked to think that I was helping keep the kids sane — although really, it was more like the other way around.
I noticed the kids didn’t bother to hide their less human features anymore. Like Billy’s arm stretching a macabre seventeen feet to collect his graded papers from my desk, or Abigail climbing along the walls like a spider during recess. It made me smile, somehow, like they were letting me in on a secret world most people would never get to see. I was just reading them a cute little book about how a human boy and a wendigo learned to set aside their differences when the ball rang, and there she was at the door, ushering me with a finger.
“So who is this Saladin guy, anyways?” I asked as she led me down the hall.
“A hunter. Perhaps the most skilled we know of in the modern era, with a reputation for being capable of… punching above his weight class, so to speak,” she explained. “We thought we had him occupied chasing false leads across Bangladesh. To think that he was here in America all along, that he was slowly narrowing in on our exact location all this time and we never knew…” She clenched a hand into a fist. For her, the equivalent to screaming in frustration.
“Why did he decide to target… me?”
“Because you’re the first fully human teacher this school has ever had,” she confessed. “You were an unprecedented experiment. Even though it may introduce many… risk factors such as this, I thought it would do good for the children to have experience with a regular, everyday human.”
“And did you really choose me because I was… a loner? Expendable?”
She didn’t hear that question. Or maybe she just pretended not to hear it. “Saladin always pursues more covert means of achieving his ends, at first. He likes to take his quarry by surprise. But if that fails, as it now has, his plan B invariably involves some form of, well… overwhelming force.” She sighed. “But there is some good news, at least. Thanks to the efforts of you and Katie, he was forced to leave behind his weapon of choice.”
From her sleeve, she produced that blade that Saladin had been pulling from his throat. The one that would have dealt Katie the killing blow, if I’d just been a second later. It was jagged and black, and looked primitive, but a bit dazzling with the scarlet streaks embedded into its surface. “What’s so special about it?”
“It’s a blade of obsidian damascened with aglaophotis. To put it simply… it can cut through anything.” I reached out to feel its shiny surface, but she jerked it away from me. “I would recommend you avoided even so much as touching it. It may have… deleterious effects on a regular human.”
For some reason, I was reminded of Saladin’s words: when dealing with matters of the occult for long, there are two options: sacrifice your life, or your humanity. There is no third path.
We came upon a heavy iron door in some obscure corner of the school, and she set about unlocking multiple tiers of locks. “I apologize, Mister Vermeil. I know you appreciate your autonomy, but I must insist that you remain within the complex for the duration of the lockdown,” she said. “That means staying in the dorms. The ‘bunker’ down the mountainside. I’m sure you’ve noticed it.”
“Is this some sort of… secret path?”
“The school’s access tunnels provide secure routes to many places. But I must confess, while the school itself was made to provide a safe and welcoming front for human visitors, the tunnels were not. They were never intended for your kind.” She paused. Even she seemed the slightest bit nervous. “There are… many dangers down there. So I must ask that you stay by my side, and do exactly as I say, when I say it. Are we understood?”
She didn’t have to ask me twice.
I immediately saw what she meant when she said these tunnels weren’t designed for human use. They were horrifically claustrophobic labyrinths of concrete, to the point I sometimes had to bend down or angle myself sideways just to squeeze through. The must was suffocating. Hallways of seemingly random shapes and sizes jut out in every direction, and I had no idea how she’d memorized which to take.
All it took was a single moment. A single instant’s lapse in concentration, a single glance away as my clothes caught on a hunk of concrete. And she was gone.
I’ll be honest: I don’t do well with cramped spaces. And when it fully sunk in that she had vanished, and I was alone down here in the dark, my first instinct was to crumple into a ball and start sobbing.
Embarrassingly, I had to calm myself down in the exact same ways I calmed my students when they were having a tantrum: I talked through my feelings, took deep breaths, grounded myself. You’ve been through so much worse than some tight hallways, I thought. Keep it together. But every step forward was a herculean effort, like I was knee-deep in sludge.
All I had to light the way, now, was my little phone flashlight. And the darkness around me seemed to somehow be fighting back against the light, and was rapidly taking territory. I’d venture forward down a hall, and it’d get tighter and tighter with every step… so I’d turn around, and somehow, the same thing would happen on my way back. Was I losing my mind, down here in the dark? Or were the walls really closing in on me, like I was about to be crushed by the peristaltic motions inside of some cyclopean creature?
And every so often, I’d run into one of those shed skins, like I’d seen in the ditch outside the school all those days ago. They’d tangle around me like a spider’s web, and I’d cry out as I thrashed to tear them off of me. On a closer look like this, they didn’t seem reptilian in the slightest. They looked… human.
And then, down the hall, came a sound. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God,” I called out. “Headmistress, I’m right-”
And then came another sound, the guttural crackling of a snarl rising from an unnatural throat. And I realized that I had just drawn the attention of something terrible.
I bit my tongue to stifle a gasp. Mentally I screamed at myself over how stupid I’d been. I tried to turn my flashlight off, but ended up dropping my phone and illuminating the entire hall. All I could do was back up as far as I could, press my back to the dead end, and await whatever was coming to me.
Footsteps in the darkness, of a sort of hobbling, awkward gait.
In the dim light, a silhouette came vaguely into view. It looked roughly the shape of a man, but the proportions were all wrong. The shapes. It was like a child’s drawing of a human being. Too angular, too thin. And along that jagged form was a garden of tumorous growths, hair and teeth and blind half-formed eyes poking from malignant teratomas, cushioned in almost scrotal pockets of loose and wrinkled flesh.
There was no head above its shoulders. Instead, there was a limp, swaying tube of flesh, and when it faced me, I could see down into the countless rows of teeth lining that esophageal tube like a Lamprey eel. Some sort of black ichor drooled from that undulating tube as the creature stood where my phone had landed, creaking and groaning in place.
Then, the thing turned, and shuffled back into the darkness.
It was blind! Of course! It had just been investigating the last noise it had heard. I thanked whatever gods may be, and clung to my little corner for what felt like hours before finally working up the courage to retrieve my phone with a shaky hand, and kept creeping down the halls.
Another noise. My blood froze in my veins. But then the headmistress’ face emerged from the dark, and I almost cried from relief. “Oh, thank God! I lost you, and… and why didn’t you warn me about the, the creature down here? That blind… leech-looking thing!” I demanded. “I know you said it was dangerous, but I cannot believe you let something like that just… go waltzing around down here!”
And, for the first time in my life, I saw the headmistress go pale.
“We don’t.”
This time, she kept a hand squeezed around my wrist as she practically sprinted down the halls. We came to an observation deck observing what looked like some sort of containment chamber. One of those security agents laid sprawled across the floor, split in two. The chamber below was littered with those shed skins, as well as chunks of other things I couldn’t name. She looked down on the empty chamber with bewilderment. “The Cancer. It’s… it’s really out. Who… who would ever do this?”
“The Cancer? Why’s it called–“
She swallowed her fear. “Because that’s simply what it is. A walking cancer. Cells growing and dividing aimlessly, uselessly, limitlessly.” She gestured to herself. “From it, we grow these human skins we wear. Guide its ceaseless growth to build our new bodies, piece by piece.”
Automatically in accordance to some built-in schedule, a red light clicked on in the containment unit accompanied by an industrial wail. Chunks of red viscera dropped from a tube in the wall — and amid the meat, I swore I saw hands, feet, clothes. “You feed people to that thing!?”
She sighed as if my human emotions were an inconvenience. “The meat is recovered from cemeteries and morgues. Don’t lose your composure, now. We have to focus.”
She laid out the situation. Every cancer wants to spread, wants to feed itself. It’ll find a way out before long, and when it does, that won’t exactly bode well for the people of our cozy little mountain town. Whoever did this disconnected all emergency switches down here, and we didn’t have any signal. We couldn’t go all the way back to gather reinforcements. We had to handle this now.
On our way out, we found another of those security agents, sat near one of the control consoles by the containment chamber security airlocks. This one, I almost didn’t recognize as human at first. A man-sized tumor had mostly consumed him, that hairy, throbbing mass bulging as we neared as if sensing we were threats. Only one arm and his head poked free from the malignant growth, eyes wide and yellow, mouth hanging open breathlessly. The headmistress stood over him, coldly. “It was… you? You did this? May I ask… why?”
He croaked out a few words in a slow wheeze. “Saladin. He… had my family.” She nodded without a word, and ended his life with the damascened blade dispassionately. I guess it was a mercy, at that point.
I felt helpless, unarmed like this. Being the bait was an unenviable position. God, I wished I could get my hands on that blade of hers. I was fighting a panic attack as we went creeping through those halls again, until the headmistress stopped us with a raise of her hand. I was confused for a moment, until I strained my ears. There it was: that wheezing, shuddering croak from down the hall.
She gestured. I nodded, took a deep breath, and got into position. She hid around another corner as I braced myself… and clapped.
The immediate roar from down the hall sent such chills through me that my legs almost gave out from underneath me. The thing came sprinting down the hall full-force, drool flickering everywhere as its tubelike head flopped around with its movements. I closed my eyes and awaited the end.
The headmistress popped out at just the right time. Seizing the moment, she stuck her blade right through the thing’s back, leaving it thrashing on the end of it like a field mouse impaled by a spade fork. With speed no human could match, she took chunks out of it, the sort of chunks that even it could not heal back. But it wasn’t enough. With a swing of its long head, it batted her away… and when I stepped forward to help her, it impaled me through the chest with that writhing tube, and stole my breath away.
I was pale and shivering as I held my hands against my bleeding wound. This is it, I thought. This is how I die. The life that flashed before my eyes was dull and boring, but at least it got pretty interesting right at the end. But darkness didn’t come creeping around the edges of my vision like I expected. Instead, I felt a tingling down below. I looked down at my chest, and witnessed the wound closing — wait, no.
Metastasizing.
Bulging pustules of permeating tumors filled the gaps in my flesh, rife with patches of hairs and little chunks of teeth just as the creature itself had been. I screamed at the agony of it as the cancer cracked through my ribs and pushed my heart and lungs aside.
And then those thin, boney hands settled on either side of my head, and yanked it upwards with a strength that should be impossible to them. In a rational world, it would have ripped it off. Instead, I felt jolted high in the air, and realized my neck had been extended a good few feet through sheer cancerous tissues, like a character from some morbid cartoon. My head bobbed on its distended neck like a jack-in-the-box, as I was left staring down at my own body. Every single thing the creature did to me just created more of me to fill the wounds. Oh God, I thought. It won’t even let me die.
It was the very distant singing of birds down another hall that ultimately drew the beast’s attention away. It visibly quivered as it realized it had found its way out. All we could do was watch as the thing tore off into the darkness, roaring to itself as if in triumph.
I don’t know how many hours have passed. I’m in the infirmary, now, largely returned to normal. The three-eyed nurse seems bored even as she treats me with medicines and surgeries no earthly doctor would ever recognize. Reversing, slowly and by degrees, the impossible ways the beast had twisted and reshaped my body. I’ve at least regained some control of my physical faculties, but in the process, I’ve been exposed to whole new categories of pain. Types of agony I thought were impossible. Types I never would’ve had to know had I gotten a job at any other school in the world.
But the poor headmistress in the bed next to me seems more miserable, still. Shellshocked, even. Her eyes sunken and haunted. “He’ll be back,” I can hear her whisper. “He’ll let the Cancer gorge itself. Grow and grow. And then… he’ll be back.”
Part 5
2024.05.01 00:20 ChardZealousideal699 An INTP night out
Last week Tuesday, I'm bored at work, while changing the playlist on Spotify I see that a band I know is playing tomorrow in a nearby town, I go for it. Due to late reselling, the ticket was half the price what a deal!
Wednesday I go home a bit early so I can prepare myself, instead I sit and watch random stuff on YouTube, think about random stuff. Oh shit! The door open in 15min, weeeell there is still time, worst case I miss the opening band. I go run an errand quick then hit the road. I arrive exactly with the opening band starting their performance, again another unknown young band rocking with the sound adjusted right how it should be, I dance hard to their sound, and make sure I remember their name.
After the opening show ended, I changed place so I get a better view. It was the intermission, the lights were on, and I noticed a lot of balding men (This is a common theme in all the concerts I go to as I mainly listen to bands from 70s til 90s) Then my brain goes "the sound would be much better if they had hair..." Let me explain, uncontrolled reflexions of sound waves would create some spots where the frequency spectrum and volume would change. Human bodies are good dampers for these reflexion because of the soft tissues but for bald heads it's not as good, there is a very thin layer of skin on the skull, the bone is hard and will reflect some frequencies... So a room full of fat hairy people is the ideal soundproofing (boobs add extra proofing).
The intermission linger on, it's been already 20min. So my brain roam again, to my personal life now I start virtual debates with my gf, finding arguments and counterarguments to discussions we had a while ago and other that we might have in the future... The show start but the reflexion already engaged so I stay absorbed in my internal debate, the sound of the main band is so bad you can barely hear the main vocals (refer to the "again.." 2 paragraphs earlier). My internal debate veers to how the current economy is bad and how to fix it... It's been more than an hour the show finished, my body was in auto mode the whole time and the band didn't even play my favourite song, what a waste! Oh wait! they are doing an encore, they will play it now... weeell they didn't, I better head home now before the crowd gets moving.
In the way out the opening band was still there, selling shirts. Some people were telling them they were good. I wanted to that too, but I figured naaah they are not that good.
At the bus station I see a guy with a Pikatchu hat, sunglasses (it was dark) and glittering nails. He looked funny, acted funny, I thought he was drunk at first and wanted to interact with him. But while observing him a little, he didn't move like a drunk person. Humm maybe he's on molly... Not worth the effort, I got in the bus while keeping my distance.
submitted by ChardZealousideal699 to INTP [link] [comments]
Wednesday I go home a bit early so I can prepare myself, instead I sit and watch random stuff on YouTube, think about random stuff. Oh shit! The door open in 15min, weeeell there is still time, worst case I miss the opening band. I go run an errand quick then hit the road. I arrive exactly with the opening band starting their performance, again another unknown young band rocking with the sound adjusted right how it should be, I dance hard to their sound, and make sure I remember their name.
After the opening show ended, I changed place so I get a better view. It was the intermission, the lights were on, and I noticed a lot of balding men (This is a common theme in all the concerts I go to as I mainly listen to bands from 70s til 90s) Then my brain goes "the sound would be much better if they had hair..." Let me explain, uncontrolled reflexions of sound waves would create some spots where the frequency spectrum and volume would change. Human bodies are good dampers for these reflexion because of the soft tissues but for bald heads it's not as good, there is a very thin layer of skin on the skull, the bone is hard and will reflect some frequencies... So a room full of fat hairy people is the ideal soundproofing (boobs add extra proofing).
The intermission linger on, it's been already 20min. So my brain roam again, to my personal life now I start virtual debates with my gf, finding arguments and counterarguments to discussions we had a while ago and other that we might have in the future... The show start but the reflexion already engaged so I stay absorbed in my internal debate, the sound of the main band is so bad you can barely hear the main vocals (refer to the "again.." 2 paragraphs earlier). My internal debate veers to how the current economy is bad and how to fix it... It's been more than an hour the show finished, my body was in auto mode the whole time and the band didn't even play my favourite song, what a waste! Oh wait! they are doing an encore, they will play it now... weeell they didn't, I better head home now before the crowd gets moving.
In the way out the opening band was still there, selling shirts. Some people were telling them they were good. I wanted to that too, but I figured naaah they are not that good.
At the bus station I see a guy with a Pikatchu hat, sunglasses (it was dark) and glittering nails. He looked funny, acted funny, I thought he was drunk at first and wanted to interact with him. But while observing him a little, he didn't move like a drunk person. Humm maybe he's on molly... Not worth the effort, I got in the bus while keeping my distance.
2024.04.29 11:34 Annual-Ad-3061 Garmin Overlander Review: Off-Road Beast (with a Minor Learning Curve)
Been putting my new Garmin Overlander (See Price on Amazon) through the wringer for the past month, and overall I'm super impressed! This thing is a beast for anyone who loves exploring the beaten path.
Here's what I'm loving:
Now, a couple of things to keep in mind:
submitted by Annual-Ad-3061 to shittyconsumer [link] [comments]
Here's what I'm loving:
- Off-road Prowess: This GPS was built for off-roading. The built-in trail maps are fantastic, especially for lesser-known routes. I've hit some pretty gnarly trails in Moab and the Grand Canyon, and the Overlander kept me on track the whole time. The topographic detail is awesome too, giving you a great sense of the terrain ahead.
- Rugged Build: Let's face it, off-roading can be tough on gear. This thing feels built to last. It's survived bumps, dust, and even a surprise downpour without a hitch. The screen is super bright and easy to see, even in direct sunlight.
- GroupTrack & InReach Compatibility: Huge safety plus for solo adventurers. I love that I can use GroupTrack to let friends see my location in real-time. Plus, the InReach Mini pairing is a lifesaver if you get into a hairy situation and need to send an SOS.
Now, a couple of things to keep in mind:
- Learning Curve: There's a lot this GPS can do, and it can be a bit overwhelming at first. The menus take some getting used to, and there are a ton of settings to fiddle with. I spent a good chunk of time watching YouTube tutorials before I felt comfortable hitting the trails.
- Battery Life: It's pretty good, but not amazing. On longer expeditions, I definitely need to bring a portable charger.
2024.04.28 20:13 Lord_Long_Rod Taking Down 18’ Tall Horny Gay Bigfoot!!
As you know, I have a crazed, 18’ tall, horny homosexual Bigfoot that has followed me home and is staking out my house, looking to bone me against my will. I brought uncle Roy home with me from a family Thanksgiving gathering so he could help me slaughter the beast. Round one has come and gone, with the Sasquatch still alive (though there were 2 fatalities, but we will not dwell on them).
Roy saw the massive creature and thought that we may need some help. So he called a couple of folks he knows to round up some guns and come down. One of them is an Iraqi War vet with substantial skill and grit. His name is Skull Crusher. The other one is a nefarious loner known only as Johnny Murder. Once the reinforcements arrive, we will devise a plan for killing the tormenting monster.
At noon the next day the cavalry arrived. Skull Crusher (he asked to be referred to as “SC”) arrived in a surplus Hummer painted desert camo. Johnny Murder arrived on an old, straight-piped Harley Dyna. He asked to be called “Murder”. I have to say that both SC and Murder looked like a couple of bad hombres.
SC wore fatigue pants and a camo wife-beater top. He was covered in patriotic tats and obviously works out a lot given how huge he is. I made the mistake of commenting on his build, then asking about his workout routine. SC said “Hell, I got nothing else to do all day besides sitting there and waiting for my parole hearing.” I asked when he was released from prison. He said that his parole hearing is scheduled for next year, but that when Murder told him what was up with this Sasquatch, he had Murder arrange for an “early release”, then he laughed. Then SC said “Don’t worry, though. As far as the marshals know, I am heading up to Wisconsin to settle an old score with my ex-Wife. They got no idea that I am in Georgia.”
Then Murder walked up. He is tall and lean and wearing a long, black trench coat with the sign of Baphomet sewn into the back of his coat. He has long, black hair and his finger nails are painted black. I attempted to be cordial to my guest, saying “Hey, Murder, I want you to know that I appreciate you getting SC out of jail to help out on this job. Murder turned and looked at me, then paused for an awkwardly long moment. Finally, Murder said “I am Satan, and I am here to do the Devil’s work.” Then he continued unpacking the saddlebags on his bike.
I decided to have a word with Roy. I found him in my recliner, drinking some of my top shelf, 18 year old, single malt scotch straight from the bottle, and watching The Weather Channel on my TV. When Roy saw me he said “Boy, look at that thar hot blond weather bunny on the TV! Have you ever seen sech a hot piece of ass? I’d stick my cock so far up her pussy that it would come out her mouth! A simultaneous fuckin and a blow job in one!! Heh heh heh...”
I said “Roy, the guys are here. I met them. SC was in prison, and Murder busted him out to come here. Oh, and Murder thinks he is Satan.” Roy just kept watching the weather bunnies jiggle on TV and said “uh huh, yeah”.
The television cut to commercials and Roy directed his attention to me. He said, “Look Son, we all make mistakes, even you do. So what if Skull Crusher got into a little scrape-up in a dive bar? He’s a good guy, I knowed his pappy. They is good people. He sure as hell did not kill anyone, at least not there.”
I asked Roy what the story is on Johnny Murder. Roy casualty said “Old Johnny is a Satanist, through and through. He ain’t one of them faggot Anton Lavey, Church of Satan, Satanists either. He is the real deal. Hell, I once seen him conjure up old Lucifuge hisself right in his living room. It was some right wild shit.”
Flustered, I said “Roy ... what the fuck?!? These 2 guys are trainwrecks! An escaped convict and a weird Satanist?!? How in the hell are THEY going to help us kill Bigfoot?!?”
Roy appeared to be growing impatient with me. He glared at me. Then he raised his right hand and pointed at me as he said “Those boys are exactly what we need. They is exactly what YOU need right now. Those fellers are distributors fer the meth I cook up and sell fer a pretty penny. They is loyal to me and will do whatever I tell them to do!” I pays ‘em damn well and I take care of ‘em. Jest trust me, son. Trust that yer old uncle Roy knows what he’s a’doin’.”
I responded, “Ok, Roy. You know I trust you and your judgment. If you think we need these particular guys, then I am all in with ya.” Roy nodded curtly in approval, then told me to call the boys into the house for a sit-down meeting.
The four of us sat around my kitchen table. Roy did most of the talking. He started out by thanking Skull Crusher and Murder for coming. He said “Fellers, this here be my nephew. Like his old Uncle Roy, Bud likes to dabble in Bigfooting. During the course of said dabbling, Bud here inadvertently turned on a huge gay Bigfoot that is aching to rape him with a massive woody. Now, I dun seen this here critter’s pecker, mind ya. No man could survive a thumpin’ from this beast. His goddamn schlong is about 40” long when stiff, and big around as a paint can. So, ya see, if this fag foot gets hold of Bud, then old Bud is a goner.”
Skull Crusher spoke up. He asked “What happened to cause this animal to get so riled up? I spoke up and said “I made a mistake. I was gifting with a clan of Sasquatch and then, I just fucked up and provoked it.”
Roy interrupted and bluntly said, “Old Bud here decided to whip out his pecker and jerk off right in the middle of the goddamn woods, then he dropped his load right smack dab in the spot where the Bigfoots had been leaving gifts fer him.”
At hearing this, Skull Crusher did a facepalm and Mr. Murder looked down as he shook his head from side to side. I tried to explain myself, but Roy shut me down, saying “Look, son, the past is the past. You dun fucked up, and now that critter is a’comin fer ya.”
Roy continued, “Ya see, my wingnut nephew here has got a problem keeping his dick in his pants. Jest last night I seen him jacking off in this here kitchen, and then watched him putting the fuck-moves on his neighbor lady. Hell, Bud’s raging labido got that poor woman kilt last night!”
Again I interjected, “No, you shooting her in the head is what got her killed.” I looked around at the others and said “Roy shot Mrs. Jenkins in the head, TWICE!!”
Roy then unloaded his side of the story, and I told mine. At the conclusion it was clear that the others believed that I was totally at fault for the Sasquatch and both homicides. Murder said “Dude, you do not try to fuck a bitch while your uncle is outside with just a couple of pistols trying to kill a dangerous animal... an animal YOU brought here!” Skull Crusher chimes in, “Bud, old Roy saved your life. It’s unfortunate that this Jenkins woman had to die but, you know, hindsight is 20/20.” Roy then repeated the last part, saying “Hindsight is 20/20.”
Obviously, I was surrounded in my own house by mental patients. But what else could I do? I decided that I better listen to them. Seeing the need to move forward, Roy said “Ok, ok, we now all know that Bud is a degenerate sex freak. But that don’t mean I want to see my kin raped to death by a gorilla. We need to devise us up a plan to murder that Bigfoot, and fast! That thing will most likely be back tonight!”
Roy continued, “Ok, now listen up, this here’s the plan. That big old bastard ape likes to stand just off Bud’s back patio at night, jest outa the light, and jack it while he watches Bud through the window. Tonight, we is gonna triangulate on this Bigfoot. Johnny, you is gonna be on the roof with that .50 cal. Skull Crusher, you and me is gonna be in the trees out a bit from the patio with our fiddy cals and grenades.”
Alarmed, I spoke up. “Grenades?!? What the fuck?!? You’ll blow up my house!!!” Roy looked at me and made a dismissive gesture with his hand. “You got insurance”, Roy said. I protested, saying “It won’t cover jack-shit if I am throwing grenades around my house!!”
At this point Murder stood up and said “Fuck this pussy! Let that critter rape the ungrateful bastard. C’mon, Skull, let’s get out of here.” Both Murder and Skull Crusher stood up like they were walking out. Roy held up his hands and said, “Whoa now, boys. You ain’t goin nowhar. Sit yer sorry asses down.” They both complied. Then Roy turned his scorn on me.
Roy said, “Now, boy, I am jest going to say this once. I am in charge here. If’n you ain’t gonna be a team player in this here endeavor then the three of us can jest pack our shit and leave it to ya. Understand? This here house ain’t gonna do you any good if’n you dead.”
I nodded. Then Roy said “No more Bullshit! You do as I say. You hear?” I said “Yes Sir”. Roy responded “You Goddamn right, Yessir!!” Then he pulled off his hillbilly hat and hit me over the head with it.
Roy continued on with the plan. Murder, you is up on the roof top. Skull, you and I is high up in the trees with our rifles and grenades.
Skull Crusher asked how high up in the tree he had to be. Roy told him at least 30 feet up. Skull said “Goddamn, Roy! How big is this thing?” Roy told him that by his estimate this Bigfoot is around 18 feet tall. Murder and Skull looked at each other with wide eyes.
Then Skull said “Uh, Roy, we may have a problem.” Roy asked him what he meant. Skull looked a little uneasy and then sheepishly said “Uh, I’m scared of heights.” Roy paused then asked “What?”. Skull Crusher repeated that he is scared of heights.
Before our meeting I had brewed us some coffee. I had a cup. I gave Skull and Murder both cups of coffee, as well as a cup for Roy. Of course, Murder pulled out a flask of what I assumed to be liquor and spiked his and Skull’s coffee. They passed the flask to Roy. Old Roy just dumped all his coffee out on my kitchen floor and dumped the remainder of the flask in his coffee cup.
Uncle Roy seemed a bit perturbed at Skull Crusher and his revelation that he is scared of heights. As Roy started shaking his head and muttering “Goddamn it” under his breath, Skull said “It ain’t my fault, Roy. It’s a phobia.” That drove Roy over the edge.
Roy snatched his coffee cup and slung it at Skull Crusher. The cup shattered against Skull Crusher’s head. Then Roy stood up and flew into a rage. Skull grabbed his head in pain as blood rolled down his face. Roy started screaming at Skull Crusher, “You goddamn little faggot pussy!!! SCARED OF HEIGHTS?!?! You WILL be scared of heights when I put my boot up yer worthless ass. I’ll kick your ass right up that thar tree, you pathetic worm!!! NOW YOU IS GONNA MAN-UP AND SHIMMY RIGHT UP THAT GODDAMN TREE LIKE I AM OR I WILL RIP OFF THAT EMPTY HEAD OF YOURS AND SKULL FUCK YOU!!!! GOT IT?!?”
Skull Crusher sheepishly nodded yes. Roy said “Scared of heights... that’s the goddamn dumbest thang I ever dun did hear. What are you, a faggot?” Skull responded, “No sir.” Then Roy glared at Skull and called him a “cunt”.
Unfortunately, Roy was not yet done. He continued, “I’m glad I don’t pay no goddamn taxes. If’n I did then I would be right pissed to know that I wuz paying a sissy like you to go over there to Afghanistan to kick them Muslim rag-heads’ asses.”
Poor old Skull Crusher was obviously not used to being spoken to in such a manner. He then stupidly said to Roy “There ain’t no trees in Afghanistan.” Roy immediately grabbed my coffee cup to hurl at Skull Crusher. I grabbed Roy’s arm to stop him from hitting Skull again and then pleaded with Roy, “Roy! Don’t!! He said he would climb the tree. It’s ok, He’s going to do it!!”
Roy finally calmed down and composed himself. He then resumed with the plan. Roy said “OK. So Murder is on the roof, over the patio. Skull and me are in the trees, THIRTY FEET UP (Roy glared at Skull Crusher as he said this), and we are armed with our fiddy cals and throwin’ grenades.”
Roy then turned his attention to me. “Bud, you is gonna be the bait again, seein’ as how this here critter has got the hots fer ya. This here is what you is a’gonna do. You is gonna drag this here kitchen table over to those sliding winder doors so this Bigfoot will have a good view of ya. Then, you is a’gonna drop your drawers and bend over the table, with yer ass pointing to the window so the that horny Sasquatch will get hisself a ragin boner. Basically, you is gonna set yer self up like you is a wantin an ass-bangin.”
At this point I had no will to to object to anything Roy said. I just nodded yes. Roy saw my concern, but seemed to respect my compliance, so he said “Don’t worry now, son. We will be right outside.”
Roy explained that the horny Bigfoot will probably be agitated after last night’s encounter. But with my bare ass sticking up at the glass sliding doors, the creature will see it then get all distracted by its horniness, causing it to drop its guard and approach. The goal, Roy explained, was to lure it into the kill box so that the three of them on the outside of the house will each have close-range shots will their .50 cal rifles.
Roy said to me “Now, Bud, I want you wiggling that ass. Shake it. Slap it. Finger yer self. You got to get the animal turned on.” I heard snickering and looked up to see both Skull Crusher and Murder trying unsuccessfully to conceal their giggling.
Roy asked “Any questions?” We all said no. Then Roy said “One More thang. Bud, this here is fer you”, then he pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to me. It was a tube of K-Y jelly, a lubricant. Both Skull Crusher and Murder started laughing hysterically. Roy said “Don’t mind these boys. If somethang goes wrong and that beast gets to ya, well, it will be best If’n you are lubed up really well.”
Night came. Roy and Skull Crusher climbed into position up their trees, and Murder was on the roof. At exactly 6:00 pm I was to enter the kitchen, do a strip tease, then assume the wanton position, bare assed and bent over the kitchen table. I figured I would lube myself up while in position, as sort of an erotic prelude used to attract the Sasquatch.
6:00 pm came and I assumed the position. I did everything Roy told me to do. I felt like a total fag, but I knew it was my job as bait. I applied the lube, seductively, shook my ass, and even did finger stuff. I felt ridiculous. I started wondering how long I would have to keep this up. It already started to feel like a fucking eternity. Frankly, it is rather uncomfortable to reach around to finger one’s own anus. But I kept at it. Wondering how long this could possibly go on, I glanced at the clock on my wall. It was 6:09 pm. Goddamn it!!
All four of us had Bluetooth headsets on so we could communicate. After a few more minutes Roy spoke to me over the head set, saying “Bud, I will tell you when I hear the Sasquatch approaching. When I give the word you start wiggling your ass and fangering yerself.” I replied, “Roy, I have already been doing it for the past 20 minutes, just like you said.” Roy said “Goddamn, Boy, you is one degenerate pervert, aren’t ya?” Then Murder chimed in and called me a “fag”.
Shortly afterward I heard from Roy again. “He’s here, approaching from the south, approaching my position from the rear. Get to the finger-fucking, Bud. Here he comes. Murder, Skull, you copy?” Murder and Skull checked in and were both locked and loaded.
But the beast did not approach. After several minutes Roy said “Somethang is wrong. That sumbitch took up position behind me. He is not approaching. I don’t think it can even see Bud in its position.” I asked Roy if he is sure it was our target. Roy replied, “Hell Yeah, I’m sure. I saw it’s silhouette and heard its footsteps. I can feel it’s footsteps up here in the tree, that thing is HUGE!”
For whatever reason, the animal was not approaching, and it was not even close to the kill box. Maybe it caught the boys’ scent, I am not sure.
Then Roy called me. He said, “Boy, I hate to do this, but you is gonna have to come outside. It caint see ya from its position. Turn on your porch light and come outside so it can see you. Oh, and chub up first. I want ya to come out to the patio and jack-off in the light. That will surely draw the monster into the kill box!”
I knew there was no point in objecting, so I did as Roy commanded. At this point in my life I can pretty much just will myself to produce an erection. I just hold my breath, squeeze my fists, and push. BAMMO!! There it is!!
I walked out onto the patio, which cock at full mast. I walked out into the light and put my left leg up on a chair in a kind of Captain Morgan pose, bare ass naked, and started stroking my prick. I heard Skull Crusher over my head-set say “Goddamn, Bud is hung like a horse!”
Then I decided to improvise. I started pumping my hips to thrust my wang through my hand and saying shit out loud like “Oh yeah, look at this big cock! I wish I had someone to help me handle this meat!” Roy spoke to me through my head set, saying “You is doing great Boy!! Let it all hang out!!”
I have a metal table sitting on my patio. I use it for holding my grill and smoker tools, and to set my shit on when I am sitting out there smoking cigars. I said “Look at this, big boy”, and started banging my dong on that metal table. It made a hell of a racket! If That Bigfoot had not noticed me yet, it had now. Then I started drumming the table with my boner. I was drumming the opening drum sequence from Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” with my cock when all of a sudden came this ungodly roar!
It was the Bigfoot!! The roar was deep and loud. I could feel it in my chest. It was like the roar from an African buck lion, but times 10. It was like the Sasquatch was standing right there on the patio with me, even though it was a good 100 or so yards away in the woods behind my house.
Then came the unmistakable sound of footsteps. They were fucking loud, and you could feel the earth trembling at the beast’s weight. It was coming. A voice came over my head-set. It was Roy telling me to get back in the house. I retreated into the house, sitting down in a chair in front of my glass sliding door, cock proudly standing at attention like a flagpole. My right hand was behind my back so the approaching beast could not see that I was holding my Ruger .480 revolver.
The bastard had a clear view of me as it walked toward my house, looking out through the window I began to see trees swaying. I surmised that the trees were being pushed to the side by the approaching giant. Even in the house I could hear, and feel, it’s footsteps. I heard “FOOF! FOOF! FOOF! FOOF!!”. It was getting closer and closer. I heard Roy say “Here it comes. Hold yer fire until it gits into the kill box. I’ll give the word.”
Then I saw it. It was HUGE!!! 18’ tall is conservative. It was as big around as a pickup truck. It’s eyes glowed a fiery red, and it’s hands were are big as a La-Z-Boy recliner! And, yes, it had a hard-on. It was just as big as Roy said. It was huge, throbbing, and glowing red. In fact, you could actually SEE the pulsating caused by every heartbeat of this animal.
The monstrous ape saw me sitting there, just inside the sliding glass door, naked and hard. It stopped, then gingerly moved forward. I am scared fucking senseless at this point, waiting for the shooting to start. The monster knelt down onto my patio so that it could gaze at me through the glass. It’s fucking head was as big as a VW Bug, and it’s eyes were solid black and the size of beach balls.
The thing was as hairy as a Mexican woman, and it smelled just as bad. As it knelt down to look at me, it seemed to exhibit a certain degree of intelligence and self-awareness. Though absolutely scared stiff, I was curious. What was this animal seeing? What was it thinking. And for the love of God, why wasn’t anyone shooting?!?
Staring at the Bigfoot, something unexpected happened. It smiled at me. It was not malevolent in any way. It was a kind smile. Dare I say, it was a loving smile. Maybe this was about more than rape. Maybe this thing really did have a crush on me!
The beast then slowly brought around its right hand and held out a rose bush that appears to have been pulled out of the ground. The Sasquatch was actually giving me roses!!! I could not believe it!!! This was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for old Bud! I could not help but smile. I was flattered! I looked up into those big black eyes and looked at them through my misty eyes. The communication was unspoken: I loved the flowers and was opening my heart to this big beast.
I still do not understand exactly what happened to me in that moment. Perhaps I was influenced by infrasound produced by the animal and it’s gigantic, throbbing fuck-stick. Or maybe I was genuinely smitten. I was not myself, I can tell you that for a fact. Suddenly, my gaze turned to the monsters throbbing Member.
Then all hell broke loose! BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!! The hellish reports from those .50 BMGs were deafening!! The beast stood up immediately. It was so tall I could not really see what it was doing. I flipped the kitchen table on its side and took up a defensive position behind it, raising my pistol hand and readying for combat.
Something flies past the window and splatters onto my patio. It was Murder!! Given the amount of blood that spewed out of him he was dead. Then comes another thud. I call out for Roy on my head-set. “ROY!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OUT THERE?!?!” Roy Shot back “Murder is dead. So is Skull Crusher.”
Then Roy asked “You got that .480 on ya, boy?” I said I did. Roy said “Well, things ain’t going so well out here. You may want to just go ahead and bow out, son.” I asked, “What?!?”. Roy said, “Just eat a bullet, son. Trust me, it will be far better than how you will die If’n this here monster gits a’holda ya.” I then hear a volley of .50 BMG gunfire from outside. I said to myself “Fuck this!”, and storm outside.
Murder’s body is cut in half and splattered all over my patio. Blood and guts are everywhere. Skull Crusher’s lifeless body is hanging upside down from a high tree limb. His safety strap got tangled around his ankle, and that is what’s holding him up in the tree. Then I see Roy, standing up on a high tree limb, like a monkey, holding his .50 cal at his hip with one arm and feeding it ammo from a belt with the other arm. He is firing like Rambo! BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM!!!!!!
The Bigfoot is swatting at Roy, but cannot quite reach him. It wants to knock over the tree so it can get to Roy, but every time it tries Roy pops it with his .50 cal. This is making the monster very agitated.
I screamed at the monster as loud as I could. It turned and saw me standing there. As soon as I had its attention I turned and dropped to my knees, as if to say “come on in”. Well, that pushed the old gay ape over the edge. It dropped to its knees, looking at me. Roy saw what was going on and stopped firing.
Then the ape made its first mistake. It puckered up its lips, closed it’s eyes, and moved in toward me. Clearly, it wanted a kiss. “How fucking pathetic is THIS?”, I thought.
It got its face right up next to mine. Then I said “Hey, bitch, look at this.” When it opened it’s eyes, I could see my reflection in its left eye. It was me pointing my .480 at the monster. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!! I unloaded the large bore revolver into the beast’s eye!
It recoiled in horror, crying out in pain. I heard Roy on my head-set say “Bud, grenades...”, so I leapt up and fled. But just then 2 explosions let loose, close together, BAM-BAM!!! The conclusion blew me off my feet. I went flying, but landed ok. I immediately heard, through the ringing in my ears, Roy’s .50 BMG rattling off more shots.
I turned around and saw that the big old Bigfoot was blown to pieces. Half of its fucking face was gone. Roy was pumping it full of lead, with each bullet causing an explosion of blood and bloody flesh every time they struck. Nonetheless, the behemoth fought on.
Then I caught a glimpse of something. It was Mr. Murder’s .50 BMG Barrett. I pick it up and check the mag, 10 shots in the mag. I thought to myself “WTF?!? Murder never even fired his weapon!!” But I would have to reflect on this later. I sprinted into action.
As the Sasquatch has all of its focus on Roy, I sneak up behind it, positioned the rifle’s muzzle right up the thing’s asshole and pulled the trigger 3 times in quick succession. BAM! BAM! BAM!! The animal grabbed its ass with both hands and went down to its knees. It was howling in pain.
I flanked the animal and got in front of it. It was in such pain it did not even notice me. Then I take aim on the Bigfoot’s balls. BAM!! They explode like an oversized watermelon. Then, just for the fuck of it, I took aim and blew off its dick. Blood spurted from the remaining stump like a fire hose!!
Now the animal was moaning and it’s eyes were rolling up in its head. I took aim and fired the remaining cartridges into the animals head. Clearly, the bullets penetrated the thick skull, as bloody brain matter was blasted out of its head every time I shot. The .50 cal absolutely shredded its brain. Then, with a loud thud, the beast fell over, deader than a Kennedy!
Roy climbed down the tree and came up running. “Goddamn it, boy!! You dun did it!!! You kilt that fuckin critter!!! I softened it up a might, but you stepped it up like a man and MURDERED that motherfucker!!! Damn, Son, that is the biggest damn Bigfoot critter I ever dun see!!” Clearly, Roy was excited.
Roy said, “Let’s git us a drank, boy! You earned it! Oh, and put on some goddamn clothes already.” As we are walking toward the house I catch sight of something. I tell Roy to go on ahead and pour me a drink, that I will be there in a moment. So he goes on ahead.
I walk over to the object I spied. As I thought, it was Skull Crusher’s BARRETT .50 BMG rifle. I released the magazine and took a look. 10 rounds were present. This means that, just like with Mr. Murder, Skull Crusher’s rifle was never fired. I carried the rifle to my back door, leaned it up against the door frame and entered my house.
I found Roy standing behind my bar in my living room, pouring drinks. He looks up with me with a smile. Then he asks “Damn, boy, you had a hard dick all this time? Jesus Christ!Cover that thang up!!”
I walked up to the bar, took my glass of scotch, and took a sip. Then I asked Roy what happened out there. Roy said, “Look, son, I ain’t gonna tell you again, go put on some pants and quit prancing around here like a faggot.” Roy had a point, so I went and got dressed.
When I returned, Roy was sitting by the fire sipping whiskey. He looked at me and smiled, all snaggle toothed. He said “There’s my boy!!” I picked up my scotch and sat down next to Roy.
I again asked him what happened out there. Roy said “What happent? What happent is that you dun went and killed a record Sasquatch!!” I said “NO. WHAT HAPPENED? I checked Murder’s and Skull’s rifles and no shots were fired. WHY DIDN’T YOU GIVE THE ORDER TO SHOOT?!?”
Roy takes out his pipe, stuffs it, tamps it, then lights it. I know what he is doing. First, he is collecting his thoughts as he prepares his pipe. Second, he is getting ready to tell me something. I decided to let him take his time telling me.
After a couple puffs on his pipe, Roy began. “Son, sometimes we do thangs in life fer many purposes. For example, when I seen how big this sumbitch Bigfoot was, I knew I needed my old fiddy-cal shootin iron. But I left it up in Sasquatch Hollar. So I needed someone to retrieve it fer me. So I called up old Johnny Murder.”
“Johnny sed he would, but he wuz a’busy bustin old Skull Crusher outa the pokey. I told him, hell, bring him along wit ya. Nobody will think to look fer him down here in Georgia.”
“Ya see, boy, old Skull Crusher got hisself inta sum trouble. I knowed that DA wuz a’gonna dangle reduced sentence deals in front of his dumb ass if he agreed to spill his guts about my liquor and meth operations. This put old Roy in a spot.”
“Now, I doubt Skull Crusher would have turned on me, but why take a chance? So I up and ordered Johnny Murder to bust him outa prison and bring him to me. That wuz right before Thanksgiving. Then all this drama with yer Bigfoot came up. I figured, why not kill 2 birds with one rifle?”
“I got them 2 sumbitches down here under the guise of hunting down and killing this critter. I needed my fiddy, mind you. But I needed those assholes here too. I had to tie up loose ends.”
So while we wuz on point, and those 2 boys were distracted by that thar Bigfoot, I shot old Skull Crusher in the head, then I shot Johnny Murder in the head cuz he wuz a witness.”
Old Roy was smiling as he told me this, like he was really happy with himself for what he did. I said “Goddamn, Roy, I was almost fucking killed and you were distracted by business.” Roy said “Yeah, but I wuz here fer ya, weren’t I? If’n I tweren’t Out thar blasting away at that critter then you never would have been able to move in and kill it!”
Roy had a point. I said, “You were here for me Roy, and I appreciate it. I really do.” Roy nodded. I said “Well, I guess we need to get rid of a couple more bodies. You want to gut and carve up the Bigfoot for meat?” Roy said, “Hell yeah!! I’ll eat off that big thang fer the winter.” He asked if I wanted some of the meat, and I said no.
I look over at Roy and say, “I love you, Uncle Roy.” Roy looked at me and replied, “Don’t be a fag, son.”
submitted by Lord_Long_Rod to Sasquatch_Jihad [link] [comments]
Roy saw the massive creature and thought that we may need some help. So he called a couple of folks he knows to round up some guns and come down. One of them is an Iraqi War vet with substantial skill and grit. His name is Skull Crusher. The other one is a nefarious loner known only as Johnny Murder. Once the reinforcements arrive, we will devise a plan for killing the tormenting monster.
At noon the next day the cavalry arrived. Skull Crusher (he asked to be referred to as “SC”) arrived in a surplus Hummer painted desert camo. Johnny Murder arrived on an old, straight-piped Harley Dyna. He asked to be called “Murder”. I have to say that both SC and Murder looked like a couple of bad hombres.
SC wore fatigue pants and a camo wife-beater top. He was covered in patriotic tats and obviously works out a lot given how huge he is. I made the mistake of commenting on his build, then asking about his workout routine. SC said “Hell, I got nothing else to do all day besides sitting there and waiting for my parole hearing.” I asked when he was released from prison. He said that his parole hearing is scheduled for next year, but that when Murder told him what was up with this Sasquatch, he had Murder arrange for an “early release”, then he laughed. Then SC said “Don’t worry, though. As far as the marshals know, I am heading up to Wisconsin to settle an old score with my ex-Wife. They got no idea that I am in Georgia.”
Then Murder walked up. He is tall and lean and wearing a long, black trench coat with the sign of Baphomet sewn into the back of his coat. He has long, black hair and his finger nails are painted black. I attempted to be cordial to my guest, saying “Hey, Murder, I want you to know that I appreciate you getting SC out of jail to help out on this job. Murder turned and looked at me, then paused for an awkwardly long moment. Finally, Murder said “I am Satan, and I am here to do the Devil’s work.” Then he continued unpacking the saddlebags on his bike.
I decided to have a word with Roy. I found him in my recliner, drinking some of my top shelf, 18 year old, single malt scotch straight from the bottle, and watching The Weather Channel on my TV. When Roy saw me he said “Boy, look at that thar hot blond weather bunny on the TV! Have you ever seen sech a hot piece of ass? I’d stick my cock so far up her pussy that it would come out her mouth! A simultaneous fuckin and a blow job in one!! Heh heh heh...”
I said “Roy, the guys are here. I met them. SC was in prison, and Murder busted him out to come here. Oh, and Murder thinks he is Satan.” Roy just kept watching the weather bunnies jiggle on TV and said “uh huh, yeah”.
The television cut to commercials and Roy directed his attention to me. He said, “Look Son, we all make mistakes, even you do. So what if Skull Crusher got into a little scrape-up in a dive bar? He’s a good guy, I knowed his pappy. They is good people. He sure as hell did not kill anyone, at least not there.”
I asked Roy what the story is on Johnny Murder. Roy casualty said “Old Johnny is a Satanist, through and through. He ain’t one of them faggot Anton Lavey, Church of Satan, Satanists either. He is the real deal. Hell, I once seen him conjure up old Lucifuge hisself right in his living room. It was some right wild shit.”
Flustered, I said “Roy ... what the fuck?!? These 2 guys are trainwrecks! An escaped convict and a weird Satanist?!? How in the hell are THEY going to help us kill Bigfoot?!?”
Roy appeared to be growing impatient with me. He glared at me. Then he raised his right hand and pointed at me as he said “Those boys are exactly what we need. They is exactly what YOU need right now. Those fellers are distributors fer the meth I cook up and sell fer a pretty penny. They is loyal to me and will do whatever I tell them to do!” I pays ‘em damn well and I take care of ‘em. Jest trust me, son. Trust that yer old uncle Roy knows what he’s a’doin’.”
I responded, “Ok, Roy. You know I trust you and your judgment. If you think we need these particular guys, then I am all in with ya.” Roy nodded curtly in approval, then told me to call the boys into the house for a sit-down meeting.
The four of us sat around my kitchen table. Roy did most of the talking. He started out by thanking Skull Crusher and Murder for coming. He said “Fellers, this here be my nephew. Like his old Uncle Roy, Bud likes to dabble in Bigfooting. During the course of said dabbling, Bud here inadvertently turned on a huge gay Bigfoot that is aching to rape him with a massive woody. Now, I dun seen this here critter’s pecker, mind ya. No man could survive a thumpin’ from this beast. His goddamn schlong is about 40” long when stiff, and big around as a paint can. So, ya see, if this fag foot gets hold of Bud, then old Bud is a goner.”
Skull Crusher spoke up. He asked “What happened to cause this animal to get so riled up? I spoke up and said “I made a mistake. I was gifting with a clan of Sasquatch and then, I just fucked up and provoked it.”
Roy interrupted and bluntly said, “Old Bud here decided to whip out his pecker and jerk off right in the middle of the goddamn woods, then he dropped his load right smack dab in the spot where the Bigfoots had been leaving gifts fer him.”
At hearing this, Skull Crusher did a facepalm and Mr. Murder looked down as he shook his head from side to side. I tried to explain myself, but Roy shut me down, saying “Look, son, the past is the past. You dun fucked up, and now that critter is a’comin fer ya.”
Roy continued, “Ya see, my wingnut nephew here has got a problem keeping his dick in his pants. Jest last night I seen him jacking off in this here kitchen, and then watched him putting the fuck-moves on his neighbor lady. Hell, Bud’s raging labido got that poor woman kilt last night!”
Again I interjected, “No, you shooting her in the head is what got her killed.” I looked around at the others and said “Roy shot Mrs. Jenkins in the head, TWICE!!”
Roy then unloaded his side of the story, and I told mine. At the conclusion it was clear that the others believed that I was totally at fault for the Sasquatch and both homicides. Murder said “Dude, you do not try to fuck a bitch while your uncle is outside with just a couple of pistols trying to kill a dangerous animal... an animal YOU brought here!” Skull Crusher chimes in, “Bud, old Roy saved your life. It’s unfortunate that this Jenkins woman had to die but, you know, hindsight is 20/20.” Roy then repeated the last part, saying “Hindsight is 20/20.”
Obviously, I was surrounded in my own house by mental patients. But what else could I do? I decided that I better listen to them. Seeing the need to move forward, Roy said “Ok, ok, we now all know that Bud is a degenerate sex freak. But that don’t mean I want to see my kin raped to death by a gorilla. We need to devise us up a plan to murder that Bigfoot, and fast! That thing will most likely be back tonight!”
Roy continued, “Ok, now listen up, this here’s the plan. That big old bastard ape likes to stand just off Bud’s back patio at night, jest outa the light, and jack it while he watches Bud through the window. Tonight, we is gonna triangulate on this Bigfoot. Johnny, you is gonna be on the roof with that .50 cal. Skull Crusher, you and me is gonna be in the trees out a bit from the patio with our fiddy cals and grenades.”
Alarmed, I spoke up. “Grenades?!? What the fuck?!? You’ll blow up my house!!!” Roy looked at me and made a dismissive gesture with his hand. “You got insurance”, Roy said. I protested, saying “It won’t cover jack-shit if I am throwing grenades around my house!!”
At this point Murder stood up and said “Fuck this pussy! Let that critter rape the ungrateful bastard. C’mon, Skull, let’s get out of here.” Both Murder and Skull Crusher stood up like they were walking out. Roy held up his hands and said, “Whoa now, boys. You ain’t goin nowhar. Sit yer sorry asses down.” They both complied. Then Roy turned his scorn on me.
Roy said, “Now, boy, I am jest going to say this once. I am in charge here. If’n you ain’t gonna be a team player in this here endeavor then the three of us can jest pack our shit and leave it to ya. Understand? This here house ain’t gonna do you any good if’n you dead.”
I nodded. Then Roy said “No more Bullshit! You do as I say. You hear?” I said “Yes Sir”. Roy responded “You Goddamn right, Yessir!!” Then he pulled off his hillbilly hat and hit me over the head with it.
Roy continued on with the plan. Murder, you is up on the roof top. Skull, you and I is high up in the trees with our rifles and grenades.
Skull Crusher asked how high up in the tree he had to be. Roy told him at least 30 feet up. Skull said “Goddamn, Roy! How big is this thing?” Roy told him that by his estimate this Bigfoot is around 18 feet tall. Murder and Skull looked at each other with wide eyes.
Then Skull said “Uh, Roy, we may have a problem.” Roy asked him what he meant. Skull looked a little uneasy and then sheepishly said “Uh, I’m scared of heights.” Roy paused then asked “What?”. Skull Crusher repeated that he is scared of heights.
Before our meeting I had brewed us some coffee. I had a cup. I gave Skull and Murder both cups of coffee, as well as a cup for Roy. Of course, Murder pulled out a flask of what I assumed to be liquor and spiked his and Skull’s coffee. They passed the flask to Roy. Old Roy just dumped all his coffee out on my kitchen floor and dumped the remainder of the flask in his coffee cup.
Uncle Roy seemed a bit perturbed at Skull Crusher and his revelation that he is scared of heights. As Roy started shaking his head and muttering “Goddamn it” under his breath, Skull said “It ain’t my fault, Roy. It’s a phobia.” That drove Roy over the edge.
Roy snatched his coffee cup and slung it at Skull Crusher. The cup shattered against Skull Crusher’s head. Then Roy stood up and flew into a rage. Skull grabbed his head in pain as blood rolled down his face. Roy started screaming at Skull Crusher, “You goddamn little faggot pussy!!! SCARED OF HEIGHTS?!?! You WILL be scared of heights when I put my boot up yer worthless ass. I’ll kick your ass right up that thar tree, you pathetic worm!!! NOW YOU IS GONNA MAN-UP AND SHIMMY RIGHT UP THAT GODDAMN TREE LIKE I AM OR I WILL RIP OFF THAT EMPTY HEAD OF YOURS AND SKULL FUCK YOU!!!! GOT IT?!?”
Skull Crusher sheepishly nodded yes. Roy said “Scared of heights... that’s the goddamn dumbest thang I ever dun did hear. What are you, a faggot?” Skull responded, “No sir.” Then Roy glared at Skull and called him a “cunt”.
Unfortunately, Roy was not yet done. He continued, “I’m glad I don’t pay no goddamn taxes. If’n I did then I would be right pissed to know that I wuz paying a sissy like you to go over there to Afghanistan to kick them Muslim rag-heads’ asses.”
Poor old Skull Crusher was obviously not used to being spoken to in such a manner. He then stupidly said to Roy “There ain’t no trees in Afghanistan.” Roy immediately grabbed my coffee cup to hurl at Skull Crusher. I grabbed Roy’s arm to stop him from hitting Skull again and then pleaded with Roy, “Roy! Don’t!! He said he would climb the tree. It’s ok, He’s going to do it!!”
Roy finally calmed down and composed himself. He then resumed with the plan. Roy said “OK. So Murder is on the roof, over the patio. Skull and me are in the trees, THIRTY FEET UP (Roy glared at Skull Crusher as he said this), and we are armed with our fiddy cals and throwin’ grenades.”
Roy then turned his attention to me. “Bud, you is gonna be the bait again, seein’ as how this here critter has got the hots fer ya. This here is what you is a’gonna do. You is gonna drag this here kitchen table over to those sliding winder doors so this Bigfoot will have a good view of ya. Then, you is a’gonna drop your drawers and bend over the table, with yer ass pointing to the window so the that horny Sasquatch will get hisself a ragin boner. Basically, you is gonna set yer self up like you is a wantin an ass-bangin.”
At this point I had no will to to object to anything Roy said. I just nodded yes. Roy saw my concern, but seemed to respect my compliance, so he said “Don’t worry now, son. We will be right outside.”
Roy explained that the horny Bigfoot will probably be agitated after last night’s encounter. But with my bare ass sticking up at the glass sliding doors, the creature will see it then get all distracted by its horniness, causing it to drop its guard and approach. The goal, Roy explained, was to lure it into the kill box so that the three of them on the outside of the house will each have close-range shots will their .50 cal rifles.
Roy said to me “Now, Bud, I want you wiggling that ass. Shake it. Slap it. Finger yer self. You got to get the animal turned on.” I heard snickering and looked up to see both Skull Crusher and Murder trying unsuccessfully to conceal their giggling.
Roy asked “Any questions?” We all said no. Then Roy said “One More thang. Bud, this here is fer you”, then he pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to me. It was a tube of K-Y jelly, a lubricant. Both Skull Crusher and Murder started laughing hysterically. Roy said “Don’t mind these boys. If somethang goes wrong and that beast gets to ya, well, it will be best If’n you are lubed up really well.”
Night came. Roy and Skull Crusher climbed into position up their trees, and Murder was on the roof. At exactly 6:00 pm I was to enter the kitchen, do a strip tease, then assume the wanton position, bare assed and bent over the kitchen table. I figured I would lube myself up while in position, as sort of an erotic prelude used to attract the Sasquatch.
6:00 pm came and I assumed the position. I did everything Roy told me to do. I felt like a total fag, but I knew it was my job as bait. I applied the lube, seductively, shook my ass, and even did finger stuff. I felt ridiculous. I started wondering how long I would have to keep this up. It already started to feel like a fucking eternity. Frankly, it is rather uncomfortable to reach around to finger one’s own anus. But I kept at it. Wondering how long this could possibly go on, I glanced at the clock on my wall. It was 6:09 pm. Goddamn it!!
All four of us had Bluetooth headsets on so we could communicate. After a few more minutes Roy spoke to me over the head set, saying “Bud, I will tell you when I hear the Sasquatch approaching. When I give the word you start wiggling your ass and fangering yerself.” I replied, “Roy, I have already been doing it for the past 20 minutes, just like you said.” Roy said “Goddamn, Boy, you is one degenerate pervert, aren’t ya?” Then Murder chimed in and called me a “fag”.
Shortly afterward I heard from Roy again. “He’s here, approaching from the south, approaching my position from the rear. Get to the finger-fucking, Bud. Here he comes. Murder, Skull, you copy?” Murder and Skull checked in and were both locked and loaded.
But the beast did not approach. After several minutes Roy said “Somethang is wrong. That sumbitch took up position behind me. He is not approaching. I don’t think it can even see Bud in its position.” I asked Roy if he is sure it was our target. Roy replied, “Hell Yeah, I’m sure. I saw it’s silhouette and heard its footsteps. I can feel it’s footsteps up here in the tree, that thing is HUGE!”
For whatever reason, the animal was not approaching, and it was not even close to the kill box. Maybe it caught the boys’ scent, I am not sure.
Then Roy called me. He said, “Boy, I hate to do this, but you is gonna have to come outside. It caint see ya from its position. Turn on your porch light and come outside so it can see you. Oh, and chub up first. I want ya to come out to the patio and jack-off in the light. That will surely draw the monster into the kill box!”
I knew there was no point in objecting, so I did as Roy commanded. At this point in my life I can pretty much just will myself to produce an erection. I just hold my breath, squeeze my fists, and push. BAMMO!! There it is!!
I walked out onto the patio, which cock at full mast. I walked out into the light and put my left leg up on a chair in a kind of Captain Morgan pose, bare ass naked, and started stroking my prick. I heard Skull Crusher over my head-set say “Goddamn, Bud is hung like a horse!”
Then I decided to improvise. I started pumping my hips to thrust my wang through my hand and saying shit out loud like “Oh yeah, look at this big cock! I wish I had someone to help me handle this meat!” Roy spoke to me through my head set, saying “You is doing great Boy!! Let it all hang out!!”
I have a metal table sitting on my patio. I use it for holding my grill and smoker tools, and to set my shit on when I am sitting out there smoking cigars. I said “Look at this, big boy”, and started banging my dong on that metal table. It made a hell of a racket! If That Bigfoot had not noticed me yet, it had now. Then I started drumming the table with my boner. I was drumming the opening drum sequence from Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” with my cock when all of a sudden came this ungodly roar!
It was the Bigfoot!! The roar was deep and loud. I could feel it in my chest. It was like the roar from an African buck lion, but times 10. It was like the Sasquatch was standing right there on the patio with me, even though it was a good 100 or so yards away in the woods behind my house.
Then came the unmistakable sound of footsteps. They were fucking loud, and you could feel the earth trembling at the beast’s weight. It was coming. A voice came over my head-set. It was Roy telling me to get back in the house. I retreated into the house, sitting down in a chair in front of my glass sliding door, cock proudly standing at attention like a flagpole. My right hand was behind my back so the approaching beast could not see that I was holding my Ruger .480 revolver.
The bastard had a clear view of me as it walked toward my house, looking out through the window I began to see trees swaying. I surmised that the trees were being pushed to the side by the approaching giant. Even in the house I could hear, and feel, it’s footsteps. I heard “FOOF! FOOF! FOOF! FOOF!!”. It was getting closer and closer. I heard Roy say “Here it comes. Hold yer fire until it gits into the kill box. I’ll give the word.”
Then I saw it. It was HUGE!!! 18’ tall is conservative. It was as big around as a pickup truck. It’s eyes glowed a fiery red, and it’s hands were are big as a La-Z-Boy recliner! And, yes, it had a hard-on. It was just as big as Roy said. It was huge, throbbing, and glowing red. In fact, you could actually SEE the pulsating caused by every heartbeat of this animal.
The monstrous ape saw me sitting there, just inside the sliding glass door, naked and hard. It stopped, then gingerly moved forward. I am scared fucking senseless at this point, waiting for the shooting to start. The monster knelt down onto my patio so that it could gaze at me through the glass. It’s fucking head was as big as a VW Bug, and it’s eyes were solid black and the size of beach balls.
The thing was as hairy as a Mexican woman, and it smelled just as bad. As it knelt down to look at me, it seemed to exhibit a certain degree of intelligence and self-awareness. Though absolutely scared stiff, I was curious. What was this animal seeing? What was it thinking. And for the love of God, why wasn’t anyone shooting?!?
Staring at the Bigfoot, something unexpected happened. It smiled at me. It was not malevolent in any way. It was a kind smile. Dare I say, it was a loving smile. Maybe this was about more than rape. Maybe this thing really did have a crush on me!
The beast then slowly brought around its right hand and held out a rose bush that appears to have been pulled out of the ground. The Sasquatch was actually giving me roses!!! I could not believe it!!! This was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for old Bud! I could not help but smile. I was flattered! I looked up into those big black eyes and looked at them through my misty eyes. The communication was unspoken: I loved the flowers and was opening my heart to this big beast.
I still do not understand exactly what happened to me in that moment. Perhaps I was influenced by infrasound produced by the animal and it’s gigantic, throbbing fuck-stick. Or maybe I was genuinely smitten. I was not myself, I can tell you that for a fact. Suddenly, my gaze turned to the monsters throbbing Member.
Then all hell broke loose! BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!! The hellish reports from those .50 BMGs were deafening!! The beast stood up immediately. It was so tall I could not really see what it was doing. I flipped the kitchen table on its side and took up a defensive position behind it, raising my pistol hand and readying for combat.
Something flies past the window and splatters onto my patio. It was Murder!! Given the amount of blood that spewed out of him he was dead. Then comes another thud. I call out for Roy on my head-set. “ROY!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OUT THERE?!?!” Roy Shot back “Murder is dead. So is Skull Crusher.”
Then Roy asked “You got that .480 on ya, boy?” I said I did. Roy said “Well, things ain’t going so well out here. You may want to just go ahead and bow out, son.” I asked, “What?!?”. Roy said, “Just eat a bullet, son. Trust me, it will be far better than how you will die If’n this here monster gits a’holda ya.” I then hear a volley of .50 BMG gunfire from outside. I said to myself “Fuck this!”, and storm outside.
Murder’s body is cut in half and splattered all over my patio. Blood and guts are everywhere. Skull Crusher’s lifeless body is hanging upside down from a high tree limb. His safety strap got tangled around his ankle, and that is what’s holding him up in the tree. Then I see Roy, standing up on a high tree limb, like a monkey, holding his .50 cal at his hip with one arm and feeding it ammo from a belt with the other arm. He is firing like Rambo! BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM!!!!!!
The Bigfoot is swatting at Roy, but cannot quite reach him. It wants to knock over the tree so it can get to Roy, but every time it tries Roy pops it with his .50 cal. This is making the monster very agitated.
I screamed at the monster as loud as I could. It turned and saw me standing there. As soon as I had its attention I turned and dropped to my knees, as if to say “come on in”. Well, that pushed the old gay ape over the edge. It dropped to its knees, looking at me. Roy saw what was going on and stopped firing.
Then the ape made its first mistake. It puckered up its lips, closed it’s eyes, and moved in toward me. Clearly, it wanted a kiss. “How fucking pathetic is THIS?”, I thought.
It got its face right up next to mine. Then I said “Hey, bitch, look at this.” When it opened it’s eyes, I could see my reflection in its left eye. It was me pointing my .480 at the monster. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!! I unloaded the large bore revolver into the beast’s eye!
It recoiled in horror, crying out in pain. I heard Roy on my head-set say “Bud, grenades...”, so I leapt up and fled. But just then 2 explosions let loose, close together, BAM-BAM!!! The conclusion blew me off my feet. I went flying, but landed ok. I immediately heard, through the ringing in my ears, Roy’s .50 BMG rattling off more shots.
I turned around and saw that the big old Bigfoot was blown to pieces. Half of its fucking face was gone. Roy was pumping it full of lead, with each bullet causing an explosion of blood and bloody flesh every time they struck. Nonetheless, the behemoth fought on.
Then I caught a glimpse of something. It was Mr. Murder’s .50 BMG Barrett. I pick it up and check the mag, 10 shots in the mag. I thought to myself “WTF?!? Murder never even fired his weapon!!” But I would have to reflect on this later. I sprinted into action.
As the Sasquatch has all of its focus on Roy, I sneak up behind it, positioned the rifle’s muzzle right up the thing’s asshole and pulled the trigger 3 times in quick succession. BAM! BAM! BAM!! The animal grabbed its ass with both hands and went down to its knees. It was howling in pain.
I flanked the animal and got in front of it. It was in such pain it did not even notice me. Then I take aim on the Bigfoot’s balls. BAM!! They explode like an oversized watermelon. Then, just for the fuck of it, I took aim and blew off its dick. Blood spurted from the remaining stump like a fire hose!!
Now the animal was moaning and it’s eyes were rolling up in its head. I took aim and fired the remaining cartridges into the animals head. Clearly, the bullets penetrated the thick skull, as bloody brain matter was blasted out of its head every time I shot. The .50 cal absolutely shredded its brain. Then, with a loud thud, the beast fell over, deader than a Kennedy!
Roy climbed down the tree and came up running. “Goddamn it, boy!! You dun did it!!! You kilt that fuckin critter!!! I softened it up a might, but you stepped it up like a man and MURDERED that motherfucker!!! Damn, Son, that is the biggest damn Bigfoot critter I ever dun see!!” Clearly, Roy was excited.
Roy said, “Let’s git us a drank, boy! You earned it! Oh, and put on some goddamn clothes already.” As we are walking toward the house I catch sight of something. I tell Roy to go on ahead and pour me a drink, that I will be there in a moment. So he goes on ahead.
I walk over to the object I spied. As I thought, it was Skull Crusher’s BARRETT .50 BMG rifle. I released the magazine and took a look. 10 rounds were present. This means that, just like with Mr. Murder, Skull Crusher’s rifle was never fired. I carried the rifle to my back door, leaned it up against the door frame and entered my house.
I found Roy standing behind my bar in my living room, pouring drinks. He looks up with me with a smile. Then he asks “Damn, boy, you had a hard dick all this time? Jesus Christ!Cover that thang up!!”
I walked up to the bar, took my glass of scotch, and took a sip. Then I asked Roy what happened out there. Roy said, “Look, son, I ain’t gonna tell you again, go put on some pants and quit prancing around here like a faggot.” Roy had a point, so I went and got dressed.
When I returned, Roy was sitting by the fire sipping whiskey. He looked at me and smiled, all snaggle toothed. He said “There’s my boy!!” I picked up my scotch and sat down next to Roy.
I again asked him what happened out there. Roy said “What happent? What happent is that you dun went and killed a record Sasquatch!!” I said “NO. WHAT HAPPENED? I checked Murder’s and Skull’s rifles and no shots were fired. WHY DIDN’T YOU GIVE THE ORDER TO SHOOT?!?”
Roy takes out his pipe, stuffs it, tamps it, then lights it. I know what he is doing. First, he is collecting his thoughts as he prepares his pipe. Second, he is getting ready to tell me something. I decided to let him take his time telling me.
After a couple puffs on his pipe, Roy began. “Son, sometimes we do thangs in life fer many purposes. For example, when I seen how big this sumbitch Bigfoot was, I knew I needed my old fiddy-cal shootin iron. But I left it up in Sasquatch Hollar. So I needed someone to retrieve it fer me. So I called up old Johnny Murder.”
“Johnny sed he would, but he wuz a’busy bustin old Skull Crusher outa the pokey. I told him, hell, bring him along wit ya. Nobody will think to look fer him down here in Georgia.”
“Ya see, boy, old Skull Crusher got hisself inta sum trouble. I knowed that DA wuz a’gonna dangle reduced sentence deals in front of his dumb ass if he agreed to spill his guts about my liquor and meth operations. This put old Roy in a spot.”
“Now, I doubt Skull Crusher would have turned on me, but why take a chance? So I up and ordered Johnny Murder to bust him outa prison and bring him to me. That wuz right before Thanksgiving. Then all this drama with yer Bigfoot came up. I figured, why not kill 2 birds with one rifle?”
“I got them 2 sumbitches down here under the guise of hunting down and killing this critter. I needed my fiddy, mind you. But I needed those assholes here too. I had to tie up loose ends.”
So while we wuz on point, and those 2 boys were distracted by that thar Bigfoot, I shot old Skull Crusher in the head, then I shot Johnny Murder in the head cuz he wuz a witness.”
Old Roy was smiling as he told me this, like he was really happy with himself for what he did. I said “Goddamn, Roy, I was almost fucking killed and you were distracted by business.” Roy said “Yeah, but I wuz here fer ya, weren’t I? If’n I tweren’t Out thar blasting away at that critter then you never would have been able to move in and kill it!”
Roy had a point. I said, “You were here for me Roy, and I appreciate it. I really do.” Roy nodded. I said “Well, I guess we need to get rid of a couple more bodies. You want to gut and carve up the Bigfoot for meat?” Roy said, “Hell yeah!! I’ll eat off that big thang fer the winter.” He asked if I wanted some of the meat, and I said no.
I look over at Roy and say, “I love you, Uncle Roy.” Roy looked at me and replied, “Don’t be a fag, son.”
2024.04.26 22:12 isisrrsa Need advices. Anything i can do to help my Apple Snail? Wait? Or euthanizing would be kinder?
 | Ps: they are alive in this picture dont worry, not a dead animal. The black hairy thing is hyacinth roots. submitted by isisrrsa to Aquariums [link] [comments] Hello, my apple snail got stuck in the filter (it now has a mesh around it to prevent future accidents). The filter bottom is similar to this one in the 2nd picture for ref. My apple snail got stuck between the grids, the flow is not strong but it was a bit clogged by plants, so that was enough to trap the poor creature there in a kind of suction, i think they were there for a whole day. Since there was a suction happening, their body got swollen and pulling it out was not an option, i had to gently cut the grids with a plier to free them. Immediately the snail contracted shut when it could move again, so i knew it was still alive, but they were obviously stressed and weak (I freed him this dawn). The part of their body that was stuck kinda looks like a chewed bubblegum now. I got worried they wouldn’t be able to breathe if i just placed it back in the main tank since they are all swollen and probably wont be able to crawl to the top for a while. So i placed the snail in a half full bowl, placed them on their side so they can be touching air and water at the same time. This morning i went to check on him and it worked, the lil guy had their tubes out for a lil breather as you can see in the 1st pic!! They are reacting to touches but their body is obviously still swollen af. Will they be ok? Will the swollen part go back to normal? If so should i just wait for him to get better? Im worried this has no fix and im just making them suffer more… i work from home so i can easily babykeep it while it still cant go back to the main tank, i dont mind, just want them to be ok. Also if theres anything i can add to the water to help on their injuries pls let me know (i know some hurt fishes benefit from garlic, but idk anything that helps snails) Obs: that black hairy thing its just water hyacinth roots, the snail was eating them inside the filter, when it contracted back to its shell the roots went in with its body, whenever i try to pull them out the snail closes shut lmao. The poor thing is so stressed |
2024.04.24 02:17 OpinionatedIMO ‘The mirror doesn’t lie’
With specific purpose he reached into the darkness. He felt a number of familiar items on top of the bedroom nightstand. Through 'muscle memory' he recognized the shape of his cell phone and the boring book he had given up on. There were numerous other distinctive items too. Remote controls for the television and stereo, his eyeglass case, a pile of assorted coins, and a plastic alarm clock.
In the middle of all these familiar items was an object, both strange and wholly unfamiliar. It felt almost organic in texture. As if a cold set of hairy knuckles and gnarled fingers were perched in the center of the table. In his late night stupor, all he wanted was his tube of chapstick but after the disturbing encounter in the middle of the clutter, he was wide awake.
Gingerly he reached past the mysterious object to find the light switch. Thankfully, It was right where it was supposed to be. A snap of the switch cast its light directly into his eyes. He looked away until he could handle the painful stimuli. Once adjusted, he squinted toward the center of the nightstand.
All of the other encountered items were present but the mystery object was nowhere to be seen. Did it scurry away in fear? The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. The prospect of having an uninvited critter was not a pleasant one. He raised up off the mattress and glanced at the floor on the other side of the table. There was nothing out of place. Whatever he pawed in the dark appeared to be gone. Somehow that wasn't of much comfort. It could come back, after all.
He coated his parched lips with the balmy ointment and reluctantly turned off the light. He scanned the darkness for any scurrying sounds. There were none. He hoped his curious visitor had retreated back to more hospitable area of the house. With any luck, a carefully placed trap in the kitchen would soon end its illegal occupation.
While he heard nothing, a distinctive unpleasant odor permeated the night air. His skin crawled at the thought of involuntary sharing his home with an unknown rodent. Just the thought caused his whole body to burn and itch. Psychosomatic reaction or not, it was a very visceral feeling and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Despite the lingering fear, he still refused to turn the light back on. He was an adult and determined to work past any primitive reaction.
An indeterminate amount of time later he was almost asleep when troubling thoughts of the unwelcome vermin returned. Its prior stench hovered in the air and filled his nostrils. That in turn made his throat feel parched. Instinctively he felt around in the mattress for a safety buffer between him and 'it'. There were the usual wrinkles in the sheet and tell-tale crumbs from a late-night snack. The thick hem of his pillow case made for an uneven transition down against the bed.
He smoothed out the wrinkles and fanned away the crumbs. It was then that he felt it. The 'visitor' was back again and this time, it had crawled in bed with him! He froze in terror. What was it doing? Was it 'snuggling' with him for warmth in the freezing room? Involuntary shivers coursed through his body but he didn't dare move. What if it bit or stung him? Why wasn't it afraid?
With as much speed as he could muster, he exited the other side and ran over to the light switch. In his haste, he misjudged the clearance of the bedpost and kicked it with this toes. Amazing, it wasn't immediately followed by waves of excruciating pain that one would expect. He chalked it up to the temporary fear and adrenaline.
He fumbled in the dark until he felt the switch. Immediately the room was bathed in illumination but there was no sign of the mystery creature under his blanket. He shivered from the cold in the room and was puzzled to see the thermostat was set for 72 degrees. He bumped it up a couple notches while he performed a search of the room. It wasn't underneath the bed and it wasn't in the closet. The smell was strong in the air though. Whatever it was, it was very near and he couldn't rest until it was absolutely gone.
He tried to slide the dresser away from the wall but all strength had left him. His joints were stiff and swollen from an apparent illness and a feeling of extreme lethargy overwhelmed him. Fear began to rise. His already healthy imagination kicked into overdrive. Had he been infected by a deadly disease or malady from his uninvited guest? Only the mission to rid his home of the unknown vermin kept him active at all.
A pervasive, systemwide numbness overtook his senses. He raised his palm to feel his forehead for evidence of a fever but got a terrifying shock, instead. The mysterious creature haunting him was apparently on top of his head the whole time! It had eye sockets, fur and an oozing mouth. He tried to pull it loose but the parasite resisted every effort.
He opened his dry lips to scream but only a pitiful screech came out. In the bathroom he flipped on the light and fearfully gazed in the mirror of truth. No amount of preparation could have prepared him for what he saw. He watched as his own unfeeling hand caressed his numb forehead. There was nothing else in the reflection. He finally understood that the mysterious creature on his nightstand was his own numb, decaying hand. He couldn't feel any part of his body because a corpse stood before him.
submitted by OpinionatedIMO to OpinionatedIMO [link] [comments]
In the middle of all these familiar items was an object, both strange and wholly unfamiliar. It felt almost organic in texture. As if a cold set of hairy knuckles and gnarled fingers were perched in the center of the table. In his late night stupor, all he wanted was his tube of chapstick but after the disturbing encounter in the middle of the clutter, he was wide awake.
Gingerly he reached past the mysterious object to find the light switch. Thankfully, It was right where it was supposed to be. A snap of the switch cast its light directly into his eyes. He looked away until he could handle the painful stimuli. Once adjusted, he squinted toward the center of the nightstand.
All of the other encountered items were present but the mystery object was nowhere to be seen. Did it scurry away in fear? The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. The prospect of having an uninvited critter was not a pleasant one. He raised up off the mattress and glanced at the floor on the other side of the table. There was nothing out of place. Whatever he pawed in the dark appeared to be gone. Somehow that wasn't of much comfort. It could come back, after all.
He coated his parched lips with the balmy ointment and reluctantly turned off the light. He scanned the darkness for any scurrying sounds. There were none. He hoped his curious visitor had retreated back to more hospitable area of the house. With any luck, a carefully placed trap in the kitchen would soon end its illegal occupation.
While he heard nothing, a distinctive unpleasant odor permeated the night air. His skin crawled at the thought of involuntary sharing his home with an unknown rodent. Just the thought caused his whole body to burn and itch. Psychosomatic reaction or not, it was a very visceral feeling and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Despite the lingering fear, he still refused to turn the light back on. He was an adult and determined to work past any primitive reaction.
An indeterminate amount of time later he was almost asleep when troubling thoughts of the unwelcome vermin returned. Its prior stench hovered in the air and filled his nostrils. That in turn made his throat feel parched. Instinctively he felt around in the mattress for a safety buffer between him and 'it'. There were the usual wrinkles in the sheet and tell-tale crumbs from a late-night snack. The thick hem of his pillow case made for an uneven transition down against the bed.
He smoothed out the wrinkles and fanned away the crumbs. It was then that he felt it. The 'visitor' was back again and this time, it had crawled in bed with him! He froze in terror. What was it doing? Was it 'snuggling' with him for warmth in the freezing room? Involuntary shivers coursed through his body but he didn't dare move. What if it bit or stung him? Why wasn't it afraid?
With as much speed as he could muster, he exited the other side and ran over to the light switch. In his haste, he misjudged the clearance of the bedpost and kicked it with this toes. Amazing, it wasn't immediately followed by waves of excruciating pain that one would expect. He chalked it up to the temporary fear and adrenaline.
He fumbled in the dark until he felt the switch. Immediately the room was bathed in illumination but there was no sign of the mystery creature under his blanket. He shivered from the cold in the room and was puzzled to see the thermostat was set for 72 degrees. He bumped it up a couple notches while he performed a search of the room. It wasn't underneath the bed and it wasn't in the closet. The smell was strong in the air though. Whatever it was, it was very near and he couldn't rest until it was absolutely gone.
He tried to slide the dresser away from the wall but all strength had left him. His joints were stiff and swollen from an apparent illness and a feeling of extreme lethargy overwhelmed him. Fear began to rise. His already healthy imagination kicked into overdrive. Had he been infected by a deadly disease or malady from his uninvited guest? Only the mission to rid his home of the unknown vermin kept him active at all.
A pervasive, systemwide numbness overtook his senses. He raised his palm to feel his forehead for evidence of a fever but got a terrifying shock, instead. The mysterious creature haunting him was apparently on top of his head the whole time! It had eye sockets, fur and an oozing mouth. He tried to pull it loose but the parasite resisted every effort.
He opened his dry lips to scream but only a pitiful screech came out. In the bathroom he flipped on the light and fearfully gazed in the mirror of truth. No amount of preparation could have prepared him for what he saw. He watched as his own unfeeling hand caressed his numb forehead. There was nothing else in the reflection. He finally understood that the mysterious creature on his nightstand was his own numb, decaying hand. He couldn't feel any part of his body because a corpse stood before him.
2024.04.24 02:06 OpinionatedIMO ‘The mirror doesn’t lie’
With specific purpose he reached into the darkness. He felt a number of familiar items on top of the bedroom nightstand. Through 'muscle memory' he recognized the shape of his cell phone and the boring book he had given up on. There were numerous other distinctive items too. Remote controls for the television and stereo, his eyeglass case, a pile of assorted coins, and a plastic alarm clock.
In the middle of all these familiar items was an object, both strange and wholly unfamiliar. It felt almost organic in texture. As if a cold set of hairy knuckles and gnarled fingers were perched in the center of the table. In his late night stupor, all he wanted was his tube of chapstick but after the disturbing encounter in the middle of the clutter, he was wide awake.
Gingerly he reached past the mysterious object to find the light switch. Thankfully, It was right where it was supposed to be. A snap of the switch cast its light directly into his eyes. He looked away until he could handle the painful stimuli. Once adjusted, he squinted toward the center of the nightstand.
All of the other encountered items were present but the mystery object was nowhere to be seen. Did it scurry away in fear? The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. The prospect of having an uninvited critter was not a pleasant one. He raised up off the mattress and glanced at the floor on the other side of the table. There was nothing out of place. Whatever he pawed in the dark appeared to be gone. Somehow that wasn't of much comfort. It could come back, after all.
He coated his parched lips with the balmy ointment and reluctantly turned off the light. He scanned the darkness for any scurrying sounds. There were none. He hoped his curious visitor had retreated back to more hospitable area of the house. With any luck, a carefully placed trap in the kitchen would soon end its illegal occupation.
While he heard nothing, a distinctive unpleasant odor permeated the night air. His skin crawled at the thought of involuntary sharing his home with an unknown rodent. Just the thought caused his whole body to burn and itch. Psychosomatic reaction or not, it was a very visceral feeling and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Despite the lingering fear, he still refused to turn the light back on. He was an adult and determined to work past any primitive reaction.
An indeterminate amount of time later he was almost asleep when troubling thoughts of the unwelcome vermin returned. Its prior stench hovered in the air and filled his nostrils. That in turn made his throat feel parched. Instinctively he felt around in the mattress for a safety buffer between him and 'it'. There were the usual wrinkles in the sheet and tell-tale crumbs from a late-night snack. The thick hem of his pillow case made for an uneven transition down against the bed.
He smoothed out the wrinkles and fanned away the crumbs. It was then that he felt it. The 'visitor' was back again and this time, it had crawled in bed with him! He froze in terror. What was it doing? Was it 'snuggling' with him for warmth in the freezing room? Involuntary shivers coursed through his body but he didn't dare move. What if it bit or stung him? Why wasn't it afraid?
With as much speed as he could muster, he exited the other side and ran over to the light switch. In his haste, he misjudged the clearance of the bedpost and kicked it with this toes. Amazing, it wasn't immediately followed by waves of excruciating pain that one would expect. He chalked it up to the temporary fear and adrenaline.
He fumbled in the dark until he felt the switch. Immediately the room was bathed in illumination but there was no sign of the mystery creature under his blanket. He shivered from the cold in the room and was puzzled to see the thermostat was set for 72 degrees. He bumped it up a couple notches while he performed a search of the room. It wasn't underneath the bed and it wasn't in the closet. The smell was strong in the air though. Whatever it was, it was very near and he couldn't rest until it was absolutely gone.
He tried to slide the dresser away from the wall but all strength had left him. His joints were stiff and swollen from an apparent illness and a feeling of extreme lethargy overwhelmed him. Fear began to rise. His already healthy imagination kicked into overdrive. Had he been infected by a deadly disease or malady from his uninvited guest? Only the mission to rid his home of the unknown vermin kept him active at all.
A pervasive, systemwide numbness overtook his senses. He raised his palm to feel his forehead for evidence of a fever but got a terrifying shock, instead. The mysterious creature haunting him was apparently on top of his head the whole time! It had eye sockets, fur and an oozing mouth. He tried to pull it loose but the parasite resisted every effort.
He opened his dry lips to scream but only a pitiful screech came out. In the bathroom he flipped on the light and fearfully gazed in the mirror of truth. No amount of preparation could have prepared him for what he saw. He watched as his own unfeeling hand caressed his numb forehead. There was nothing else in the reflection. He finally understood that the mysterious creature on his nightstand was his own numb, decaying hand. He couldn't feel any part of his body because a corpse stood before him.
submitted by OpinionatedIMO to TheCrypticCompendium [link] [comments]
In the middle of all these familiar items was an object, both strange and wholly unfamiliar. It felt almost organic in texture. As if a cold set of hairy knuckles and gnarled fingers were perched in the center of the table. In his late night stupor, all he wanted was his tube of chapstick but after the disturbing encounter in the middle of the clutter, he was wide awake.
Gingerly he reached past the mysterious object to find the light switch. Thankfully, It was right where it was supposed to be. A snap of the switch cast its light directly into his eyes. He looked away until he could handle the painful stimuli. Once adjusted, he squinted toward the center of the nightstand.
All of the other encountered items were present but the mystery object was nowhere to be seen. Did it scurry away in fear? The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. The prospect of having an uninvited critter was not a pleasant one. He raised up off the mattress and glanced at the floor on the other side of the table. There was nothing out of place. Whatever he pawed in the dark appeared to be gone. Somehow that wasn't of much comfort. It could come back, after all.
He coated his parched lips with the balmy ointment and reluctantly turned off the light. He scanned the darkness for any scurrying sounds. There were none. He hoped his curious visitor had retreated back to more hospitable area of the house. With any luck, a carefully placed trap in the kitchen would soon end its illegal occupation.
While he heard nothing, a distinctive unpleasant odor permeated the night air. His skin crawled at the thought of involuntary sharing his home with an unknown rodent. Just the thought caused his whole body to burn and itch. Psychosomatic reaction or not, it was a very visceral feeling and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Despite the lingering fear, he still refused to turn the light back on. He was an adult and determined to work past any primitive reaction.
An indeterminate amount of time later he was almost asleep when troubling thoughts of the unwelcome vermin returned. Its prior stench hovered in the air and filled his nostrils. That in turn made his throat feel parched. Instinctively he felt around in the mattress for a safety buffer between him and 'it'. There were the usual wrinkles in the sheet and tell-tale crumbs from a late-night snack. The thick hem of his pillow case made for an uneven transition down against the bed.
He smoothed out the wrinkles and fanned away the crumbs. It was then that he felt it. The 'visitor' was back again and this time, it had crawled in bed with him! He froze in terror. What was it doing? Was it 'snuggling' with him for warmth in the freezing room? Involuntary shivers coursed through his body but he didn't dare move. What if it bit or stung him? Why wasn't it afraid?
With as much speed as he could muster, he exited the other side and ran over to the light switch. In his haste, he misjudged the clearance of the bedpost and kicked it with this toes. Amazing, it wasn't immediately followed by waves of excruciating pain that one would expect. He chalked it up to the temporary fear and adrenaline.
He fumbled in the dark until he felt the switch. Immediately the room was bathed in illumination but there was no sign of the mystery creature under his blanket. He shivered from the cold in the room and was puzzled to see the thermostat was set for 72 degrees. He bumped it up a couple notches while he performed a search of the room. It wasn't underneath the bed and it wasn't in the closet. The smell was strong in the air though. Whatever it was, it was very near and he couldn't rest until it was absolutely gone.
He tried to slide the dresser away from the wall but all strength had left him. His joints were stiff and swollen from an apparent illness and a feeling of extreme lethargy overwhelmed him. Fear began to rise. His already healthy imagination kicked into overdrive. Had he been infected by a deadly disease or malady from his uninvited guest? Only the mission to rid his home of the unknown vermin kept him active at all.
A pervasive, systemwide numbness overtook his senses. He raised his palm to feel his forehead for evidence of a fever but got a terrifying shock, instead. The mysterious creature haunting him was apparently on top of his head the whole time! It had eye sockets, fur and an oozing mouth. He tried to pull it loose but the parasite resisted every effort.
He opened his dry lips to scream but only a pitiful screech came out. In the bathroom he flipped on the light and fearfully gazed in the mirror of truth. No amount of preparation could have prepared him for what he saw. He watched as his own unfeeling hand caressed his numb forehead. There was nothing else in the reflection. He finally understood that the mysterious creature on his nightstand was his own numb, decaying hand. He couldn't feel any part of his body because a corpse stood before him.
2024.04.24 02:05 OpinionatedIMO ‘The mirror doesn’t lie’
With specific purpose he reached into the darkness. He felt a number of familiar items on top of the bedroom nightstand. Through 'muscle memory' he recognized the shape of his cell phone and the boring book he had given up on. There were numerous other distinctive items too. Remote controls for the television and stereo, his eyeglass case, a pile of assorted coins, and a plastic alarm clock.
In the middle of all these familiar items was an object, both strange and wholly unfamiliar. It felt almost organic in texture. As if a cold set of hairy knuckles and gnarled fingers were perched in the center of the table. In his late night stupor, all he wanted was his tube of chapstick but after the disturbing encounter in the middle of the clutter, he was wide awake.
Gingerly he reached past the mysterious object to find the light switch. Thankfully, It was right where it was supposed to be. A snap of the switch cast its light directly into his eyes. He looked away until he could handle the painful stimuli. Once adjusted, he squinted toward the center of the nightstand.
All of the other encountered items were present but the mystery object was nowhere to be seen. Did it scurry away in fear? The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. The prospect of having an uninvited critter was not a pleasant one. He raised up off the mattress and glanced at the floor on the other side of the table. There was nothing out of place. Whatever he pawed in the dark appeared to be gone. Somehow that wasn't of much comfort. It could come back, after all.
He coated his parched lips with the balmy ointment and reluctantly turned off the light. He scanned the darkness for any scurrying sounds. There were none. He hoped his curious visitor had retreated back to more hospitable area of the house. With any luck, a carefully placed trap in the kitchen would soon end its illegal occupation.
While he heard nothing, a distinctive unpleasant odor permeated the night air. His skin crawled at the thought of involuntary sharing his home with an unknown rodent. Just the thought caused his whole body to burn and itch. Psychosomatic reaction or not, it was a very visceral feeling and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Despite the lingering fear, he still refused to turn the light back on. He was an adult and determined to work past any primitive reaction.
An indeterminate amount of time later he was almost asleep when troubling thoughts of the unwelcome vermin returned. Its prior stench hovered in the air and filled his nostrils. That in turn made his throat feel parched. Instinctively he felt around in the mattress for a safety buffer between him and 'it'. There were the usual wrinkles in the sheet and tell-tale crumbs from a late-night snack. The thick hem of his pillow case made for an uneven transition down against the bed.
He smoothed out the wrinkles and fanned away the crumbs. It was then that he felt it. The 'visitor' was back again and this time, it had crawled in bed with him! He froze in terror. What was it doing? Was it 'snuggling' with him for warmth in the freezing room? Involuntary shivers coursed through his body but he didn't dare move. What if it bit or stung him? Why wasn't it afraid?
With as much speed as he could muster, he exited the other side and ran over to the light switch. In his haste, he misjudged the clearance of the bedpost and kicked it with this toes. Amazing, it wasn't immediately followed by waves of excruciating pain that one would expect. He chalked it up to the temporary fear and adrenaline.
He fumbled in the dark until he felt the switch. Immediately the room was bathed in illumination but there was no sign of the mystery creature under his blanket. He shivered from the cold in the room and was puzzled to see the thermostat was set for 72 degrees. He bumped it up a couple notches while he performed a search of the room. It wasn't underneath the bed and it wasn't in the closet. The smell was strong in the air though. Whatever it was, it was very near and he couldn't rest until it was absolutely gone.
He tried to slide the dresser away from the wall but all strength had left him. His joints were stiff and swollen from an apparent illness and a feeling of extreme lethargy overwhelmed him. Fear began to rise. His already healthy imagination kicked into overdrive. Had he been infected by a deadly disease or malady from his uninvited guest? Only the mission to rid his home of the unknown vermin kept him active at all.
A pervasive, systemwide numbness overtook his senses. He raised his palm to feel his forehead for evidence of a fever but got a terrifying shock, instead. The mysterious creature haunting him was apparently on top of his head the whole time! It had eye sockets, fur and an oozing mouth. He tried to pull it loose but the parasite resisted every effort.
He opened his dry lips to scream but only a pitiful screech came out. In the bathroom he flipped on the light and fearfully gazed in the mirror of truth. No amount of preparation could have prepared him for what he saw. He watched as his own unfeeling hand caressed his numb forehead. There was nothing else in the reflection. He finally understood that the mysterious creature on his nightstand was his own numb, decaying hand. He couldn't feel any part of his body because a corpse stood before him.
submitted by OpinionatedIMO to Odd_directions [link] [comments]
In the middle of all these familiar items was an object, both strange and wholly unfamiliar. It felt almost organic in texture. As if a cold set of hairy knuckles and gnarled fingers were perched in the center of the table. In his late night stupor, all he wanted was his tube of chapstick but after the disturbing encounter in the middle of the clutter, he was wide awake.
Gingerly he reached past the mysterious object to find the light switch. Thankfully, It was right where it was supposed to be. A snap of the switch cast its light directly into his eyes. He looked away until he could handle the painful stimuli. Once adjusted, he squinted toward the center of the nightstand.
All of the other encountered items were present but the mystery object was nowhere to be seen. Did it scurry away in fear? The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. The prospect of having an uninvited critter was not a pleasant one. He raised up off the mattress and glanced at the floor on the other side of the table. There was nothing out of place. Whatever he pawed in the dark appeared to be gone. Somehow that wasn't of much comfort. It could come back, after all.
He coated his parched lips with the balmy ointment and reluctantly turned off the light. He scanned the darkness for any scurrying sounds. There were none. He hoped his curious visitor had retreated back to more hospitable area of the house. With any luck, a carefully placed trap in the kitchen would soon end its illegal occupation.
While he heard nothing, a distinctive unpleasant odor permeated the night air. His skin crawled at the thought of involuntary sharing his home with an unknown rodent. Just the thought caused his whole body to burn and itch. Psychosomatic reaction or not, it was a very visceral feeling and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Despite the lingering fear, he still refused to turn the light back on. He was an adult and determined to work past any primitive reaction.
An indeterminate amount of time later he was almost asleep when troubling thoughts of the unwelcome vermin returned. Its prior stench hovered in the air and filled his nostrils. That in turn made his throat feel parched. Instinctively he felt around in the mattress for a safety buffer between him and 'it'. There were the usual wrinkles in the sheet and tell-tale crumbs from a late-night snack. The thick hem of his pillow case made for an uneven transition down against the bed.
He smoothed out the wrinkles and fanned away the crumbs. It was then that he felt it. The 'visitor' was back again and this time, it had crawled in bed with him! He froze in terror. What was it doing? Was it 'snuggling' with him for warmth in the freezing room? Involuntary shivers coursed through his body but he didn't dare move. What if it bit or stung him? Why wasn't it afraid?
With as much speed as he could muster, he exited the other side and ran over to the light switch. In his haste, he misjudged the clearance of the bedpost and kicked it with this toes. Amazing, it wasn't immediately followed by waves of excruciating pain that one would expect. He chalked it up to the temporary fear and adrenaline.
He fumbled in the dark until he felt the switch. Immediately the room was bathed in illumination but there was no sign of the mystery creature under his blanket. He shivered from the cold in the room and was puzzled to see the thermostat was set for 72 degrees. He bumped it up a couple notches while he performed a search of the room. It wasn't underneath the bed and it wasn't in the closet. The smell was strong in the air though. Whatever it was, it was very near and he couldn't rest until it was absolutely gone.
He tried to slide the dresser away from the wall but all strength had left him. His joints were stiff and swollen from an apparent illness and a feeling of extreme lethargy overwhelmed him. Fear began to rise. His already healthy imagination kicked into overdrive. Had he been infected by a deadly disease or malady from his uninvited guest? Only the mission to rid his home of the unknown vermin kept him active at all.
A pervasive, systemwide numbness overtook his senses. He raised his palm to feel his forehead for evidence of a fever but got a terrifying shock, instead. The mysterious creature haunting him was apparently on top of his head the whole time! It had eye sockets, fur and an oozing mouth. He tried to pull it loose but the parasite resisted every effort.
He opened his dry lips to scream but only a pitiful screech came out. In the bathroom he flipped on the light and fearfully gazed in the mirror of truth. No amount of preparation could have prepared him for what he saw. He watched as his own unfeeling hand caressed his numb forehead. There was nothing else in the reflection. He finally understood that the mysterious creature on his nightstand was his own numb, decaying hand. He couldn't feel any part of his body because a corpse stood before him.
2024.04.23 00:31 Accomplished_Pop_997 The following is both a rant, and an opening for a group discussion about adblock detection.
I'm going to pen the opening rant as if it were an open letter to YouTube in general.
Ahem.
Hey YouTube, I will *never* purposely buy your premium, and hate your ads. Add all the adblocker detection that you want, I will never purchase premium, and I will always and forever spend far, *far* more time, energy, and resources to deny you advertising revenue. I will spend hours researching extensions, and the like to skip, block, and avoid your ads before ever even thinking about the *possibility* of using your free trial, and then dumping it. I would rather, and in fact have, spent hours learning a bit of code just to manipulate the blockers to avoid your ads. I currently use one to skip them and for now, it works. When it doesn't, I will stop watching YouTube videos until another blockeextension works; wash, rinse, repeat.
Why? Because you abuse the position of a platform, treat your content creators unfairly, milk every cent like you would be bankrupt if you didn't, are so infuriatingly vague on what does and does not "violate your ToS/Guidelines", and honestly, mostly because your ads are as obnoxious as a forced conversation with a cross-fitting, vegan, climate protestor in rush hour traffic.
In summation, bite my colossal hairy ass.
Whew, I feel better now. Anyone else have an opinion on it that they want to put out there, or advice for others on how to avoid them as well?
submitted by Accomplished_Pop_997 to youtube [link] [comments]
Ahem.
Hey YouTube, I will *never* purposely buy your premium, and hate your ads. Add all the adblocker detection that you want, I will never purchase premium, and I will always and forever spend far, *far* more time, energy, and resources to deny you advertising revenue. I will spend hours researching extensions, and the like to skip, block, and avoid your ads before ever even thinking about the *possibility* of using your free trial, and then dumping it. I would rather, and in fact have, spent hours learning a bit of code just to manipulate the blockers to avoid your ads. I currently use one to skip them and for now, it works. When it doesn't, I will stop watching YouTube videos until another blockeextension works; wash, rinse, repeat.
Why? Because you abuse the position of a platform, treat your content creators unfairly, milk every cent like you would be bankrupt if you didn't, are so infuriatingly vague on what does and does not "violate your ToS/Guidelines", and honestly, mostly because your ads are as obnoxious as a forced conversation with a cross-fitting, vegan, climate protestor in rush hour traffic.
In summation, bite my colossal hairy ass.
Whew, I feel better now. Anyone else have an opinion on it that they want to put out there, or advice for others on how to avoid them as well?
2024.04.21 18:52 CIAHerpes The CIA created a new MKULTRA program. It has yielded fantastic results
I’ve worked for the CIA for the last twenty years. My jobs vary, ranging from torture to weapons smuggling to chemical weapons manufacturing. When an insurgency begins in a hostile country, like Syria or Libya, my job sometimes required me to traffic in guns, ammo and money.
So I had seen a lot of things, and I felt a sense of relief when I was told that, from now on, I would only have to work within the United States. When my superior, Agent White, called me to his office one hot summer morning last year, I went right away.
“Sit down, Agent Black,” he said to me, motioning to the chair across the desk. “Do you want coffee or anything?”
“Sure,” I said, and he called his secretary to bring us both coffees. She hustled in, dropping the steaming hot cups in front of us and leaving immediately without a word.
“So,” he said, “we’ve been hearing a lot of chatter lately about the Chinese starting a mind control program.” I nearly choked on my coffee when he said that.
“That stuff is all bullshit, sir,” I said dryly. “You know it and I know it. The CIA tried that in the 60s, and they had no results. MKULTRA, MKOFTEN and CHICKWIT already covered that ground- unsuccessfully, I might add.” He smiled slightly at this.
“They had no results that they publicized, you mean,” he said. “The truth is slightly more nuanced. MKULTRA was not run with the kind of scientific vigor that we would bring to a modern experiment, however. They were basically just dosing people with huge doses of LSD or injecting them with amphetamines and barbiturates until they became drooling idiots. This is not the experiment we are interested in funding.”
“So what is?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“We want to see whether certain people can see the future, keeping them under controlled, scientific confinement in the process to rule out any kind of fraud or charlatanism. Also, we want to see if psychics can see military secrets in the present, secrets that we don’t currently have access to.
“Any advances in interrogation techniques achieved from the use of new drugs would also be funded. We are particularly interested in the potential of bromo-dragonFLY and alpha-PVP in test subjects. Both have caused nightmarish hallucinations in people accompanied by visions of hell, which could be useful for getting hardened subjects to talk.” He paused for a long moment after this, looking thoughtful. “And psychic research, of course.” I scoffed.
“Psychics?” I said scornfully. “Like from a circus? Are we bringing in Tarot card readers too?” He laughed.
“Sure, why not,” he said, handing me a slip of paper. “Report here tomorrow morning. It will be your first day with the researchers. We’ve decided to call it ‘Operation RAVEN’.”
***
I went to the address written in Agent White’s tiny, copperplate handwriting. By the time I pulled up to the front gate, the sun had just started to rise. I had always liked getting an early start.
Two armed guards sat at a booth, a red-and-white striped metal gate blocking the way inside. Behind them, I saw massive, brown buildings with no windows. The architecture looked brutalist. The buildings stood tall and imposing, forming perfect cubes of smooth concrete surrounded by row after row of razor wire.
“Identification?” a guard said, coming up to the window and putting out his left hand. He kept the other near his holstered pistol.
I opened my wallet and flashed my CIA credentials. After staring at it for a long moment, he nodded, going back to the booth and allowing the thick metal gates to slide open.
I had never been here before, and I was amazed by how many cars filled the parking lot. Hundreds of them stretched out in front of my eyes, and I drove around for five minutes before finding an empty spot towards the back. As I started the trek towards the door, I felt like eyes watched me from all directions.
I signed in again at the front desk of the complex, an armed security guard eyeing me mistrustfully as I pulled out my identification and badge. When I told him who I was and what I was doing there, he said to take the elevator to the bottom floor, then pretended to go back to reading his newspaper. Behind the rustling edges, though, I caught him glimpsing everyone that walked past with a soldierly intensity, ready to react at a moment’s notice.
I got in, seeing the building went all the way from -5 to 5. I pressed the button for -5, feeling the elevator quickly descending, my stomach rising with the motion.
When it dinged and the doors rolled open, I found myself standing in front of a large laboratory. A team of doctors, scientists and lab workers stood twenty feet away, forming a semi-circle around the steaming hot coffee pot in the corner. They discussed something in hushed tones, and when they saw me approaching, they all went silent.
“Hello,” I said calmly, stepping forward. “I’m Agent Philip Black. The Director sent me here to look at your work.” A female doctor stepped forward. Even though I towered over her five-foot-frame, she exhibited a kind of self-confidence that made her seem larger. Her black hair framed her thin face, and her eyes gleamed with intelligence. She smiled, showing straight, white teeth. Her stylish glasses reflected the bright fluorescent lights overhead.
“Nice to finally put a face with the fake name,” she said, grinning. “My name is Dr. Lander.” I didn’t react, simply looking around at the chemistry equipment and computers set up.
“Where do we keep the subjects?” I asked. She nodded at a narrow hallway at the far end of the large laboratory. “I’d like to see them.”
“You can see them all you want,” Dr. Lander responded, “but we’re about to start an experiment. Perhaps it would be better if you saw our research first-hand before talking to the subjects. Things will make more sense, I think, if you watch.”
“Sure,” I said, tearing my gaze away from the narrow hallway. It seemed to beckon me, cool and dark in the corner. I suddenly felt very hot, and the lights seemed too bright overhead.
Dr. Lander turned and headed towards a room in the corner. I saw a chair welded to the floor with straps hanging down from both sides. A bag of saline and a syringe filled with blue fluid stood on a metal tray next to a box of latex gloves. Two lab assistants stood at attention, one on each side of the chair. Dr. Lander chatted with one as we waited for the guards to bring the man in.
“This stuff, alpha-PVP, they call it flakka on the streets,” she said to the assistant. “In some subjects, it has caused visions of demons and hellfire. I think this is the same stuff that caused someone to eat another guy’s face with his bare teeth. We could also use amphetamine psychosis in weakening the subject’s will for interrogations, but the problem is they start to get delusional and their information…”
I stopped listening as two black-suited officers brought in a very hairy man. He was stout, barrel-chested and only about five-foot-six. But his arms and legs looked like tree trunks covered in thick, black hair. He had a unibrow and his eyes looked nearly black. A massive wizard beard hung down to his belly button. He wore a bright-orange prison jumpsuit.
“This is kidnapping!” he said in a thick Eastern European accent. “You cannot just come and tie people up and take them out of their homes!” Dr. Lander ignored his outburst, instead turning to me and the assistants as the guards strapped the man down in the chair. She raised the syringe filled with blue liquid so we could all see it.
“Now this here is a special combination of drugs we thought might be a good starting point. It is a combination of potent hallucinogens, including LSD-25, ALD-52, bromo-dragonFLY and the more potent purified isomer of alpha-PVP. We will be feeding the substances intravenously to the subject during interrogation and observing his reaction. Are there any questions?”
“Fuck you, you American pig,” the man in the chair said. The doctor ignored him.
“That’s not a question,” I said, trying to break the tension. No one laughed.
“OK, so let’s start running the solution then. For the recording, this is subject 102202, Vladimir Greika.” She nodded at the lab assistant who stood next to the IV line feeding into the man’s arm. “Go ahead.” The lab assistant, a thin man with large glasses and a balding hairline, took the syringe and gingerly screwed it into the plastic tubing taped to the man’s arm.
The blue fluid mixed with the clear saline as it fed into the man’s veins, the dark cyanotic color lightening as it went. The subject, Vladimir, continued to hiss and scream at the doctor and her assistants. His eyes met mine, and I noticed they looked rather strange. When I first saw him, I remember thinking about how dark his eyes looked. But now the iris had turned a muddy yellow, like a tiger’s eye gemstone.
His scowl had turned into a grin, and his teeth appeared to sharpen and lengthen. They looked dark and stained, with the serrated points covered in a thick, yellow film.
“Where were you during the massacre of your family on April 10th, 2022?” Dr. Lander asked Vladimir. His muscles seemed to grow before my eyes, ripping through his clothes. He gnashed his teeth as foamy saliva dripped from his mouth. She sighed. “OK, prepare round two of the drug combination on my…”
“I was with my family, of course, you stupid bitch,” Vladimir said, his voice deepening and turning into a growl. The black hair on his body looked like it had grown, and even his hands and face were now covered. “I had changed. I was hungry, so hungry. They tried running through the forest, but I could see far better in the darkness than they could. I took them one by one, ripping them apart as they screamed and begged for mercy. That was my own wife and three daughters.” He leaned forwards in his chair as claws sprouted from his fingers, as white as ivory and as sharp as scalpels. “So what do you think I’ll do to you when I get out of this goddamned chair?”
With a roar, the beast in the chair pulled against the straps. For a few moments, it looked like they would hold. And then, with a ripping noise, they all gave way at once. The man had fully transformed into a wolfish abomination, and silver streams of saliva ran from his grinning mouth.
“Code silver, code silver!” Dr. Lander screamed as she began to run towards the door. The thin male lab assistant stood there, quivering and trembling, the bald spot on his head turning a bright red. The other assistant, a young blonde woman, sprinted past me. I stood there shocked for a moment, not knowing what to do. But my instincts screamed at me to stay with Dr. Lander. Without waiting to see what would happen, I turned and started sprinting for the door.
“Shut the door, shut the door!” Dr. Lander cried as the three of us ran out of the room. I looked at the heavy steel door with its shatterproof glass window.
“What about your assistant?” I said. She shook her head.
“It’s too late! He’s already dead! Close the door before it gets out!” She shoved me aside as her and the blonde assistant each grabbed an edge. With a groan, they slammed it closed. Dr. Lander bent over double, hyperventilating. She looked up at her assistant. “Good job, Kasey. Quick thinking.”
I looked in the windowpane and saw the male assistant running towards the door, covered in blood. He definitely was not already dead. I gave Dr. Lander a skewed, mistrustful look.
“Let me out, please!” the assistant pleaded as he slammed his bloody fist against the small window. With glowing, yellow eyes and greasy, black fur covering every inch of his body, Vladimir looked like something straight out of a medieval textbook on occultism. He lept high into the air and came down on the assistant’s back, clawing and gnashing his teeth as shreds of fabric and drops of blood flew everywhere.
Dr. Lander stared into the room, her eyes as emotionless as that of a marble statue. The blonde assistant shifted nervously from foot to foot, her face flickering from Dr. Lander to the window and back again.
“Aren’t we going to help?” Kasey, the blonde assistant, said. A moment later, the wall shook as the werewolf slammed into the male assistant again, knocking him to the floor. I saw the assistant smear his own blood all across the white walls as he tried to crawl away from the beast, holding one side of his neck with his left hand. Bright red blood spurted between his fingers and soaked his lab coat.
The beast jumped and flew across the room. The assistant twisted his body so that he was laying on his back, putting his arms out in a defensive posture. In a blur, the werewolf landed back on top of the prone man. It began clawing at his chest and face as the assistant to put his hands up and shield his eyes. I saw its claws slice through his fingers like a sharp knife through hot butter. The four digits fell to the side, the man’s spurting hand still raised high in the air as he lay on the ground. I heard his gurgling breaths as he began choking on his blood.
I heard Kasey gasp and suppress a cry of horror as she watched the final moments of the brutal act. In a show of mercy, the beast knelt down and placed his ivory-white teeth over the male assistant’s throat. Then he bit deeply into the man’s neck and, with a sickening spray of blood and a ripping sound, finally killed the poor bastard.
***
“Well, that was a massive failure,” I said spitefully as we walked away from the gruesome murder scene.
“Why would you say that?” Dr. Lander asked politely, her large, brown eyes turning to regard me.
“I mean, your guy is definitely dead,” I responded with incredulity. “Is that not a problem? Do you go through assistants like toilet paper here?”
“Sometimes to make an omelet, you have to crack a few eggs, right?” Dr. Lander answered, smirking. Kasey was sweating heavily and shifting uncomfortably from leg to leg. I think she may have been reassessing her career choice at that moment. “That was actually the most information we have gotten out of Vladimir so far. Normally, he just blacks out when the topic of his family is brought up. So the hallucinogenic drug mixture is already exceeding expectations. I think we need to try it again on a few more people.
“But anyways, we have another experiment planned within a few minutes. We’ll put a pin in this for now.” The werewolf continued to shred the dead body in the interrogation room behind us. I heard bones cracking and ripping, squelching sounds.
“I hope the next one isn’t so… wet?” I inquired. Dr. Lander only gave me a cryptic half-smile.
Once the notice for code silver got relayed to the ground floor, chaos broke out. A team of men in bulletproof vests and military gear came running out of the elevator, heading in the direction of the interrogation room. I saw they carried special long-barreled tranquilizer guns rather than automatic rifles.
“What do you use to put down a werewolf?” I asked, genuinely curious. I watched as one soldier flung open the door and a few others stuck their guns in. I heard soft popping sounds as they fired. Within seconds, they pulled them back out and the door slammed shut again.
“Oh, it’s a special blend we developed here,” she said. “Normal tranquilizers don’t work on them. A super-potent opioid like etorphine that would take down an elephant just slows them down. So we use a combination of etorphine, carfentanil and phencyclidine. Even that is sometimes iffy, and it takes a massive dose just to sedate them. They have a very strange neuropharmacology compared to normal animals. For some reason, they’re highly susceptible to synergistic effects from NMDA antagonists, yet a pure opioid agonist has little effect.”
“Yeah, I really don’t know what that means,” I said.
We came to another cell with a clear plexiglass shield covering the entire front entrance. I peered through, wondering what other oddities lay down here in the heart of Operation RAVEN.
***
I looked back down the steel reinforced halls just in time to see three men in SWAT gear dragging Vladimir’s unconscious body along the floor. He had partially returned to his human state. Now he looked more like a Neanderthal covered in thick black hair, his strange claws fused to the stubs of his fingers. His face was saturated with coagulated blood. Pieces of gore and shredded skin stuck to the entire front of his now naked body. Remnants of his orange jumpsuit littered the hall, small pieces of bloody cloth falling to the sides as they pulled him by his arms towards another nearby metal cell with a bulletproof glass front.
“OK, our second experiment for the day is a little different,” Dr. Lander said as she stopped in front of another cell. Looking down the hallway, I saw that each of the rooms on both sides had prisoners. Most were men, but I saw some women and even a few children locked behind the glass walls. I estimated that at least fifty people must live here as subjects in hellish experiments.
Dr. Lander pointed at a woman laying on her steel bed, her face turned away from us towards the wall. I saw a few photos on the walls, mostly pictures of small children grinning for the camera in their best clothes.
“Mrs. Vaber?” Dr. Lander said politely, her light voice echoing off the cold metal and concrete walls of the building. “Can we please talk to you?” The woman continued to ignore us. “OK, well, we’re coming in. You know the rules.” Dr. Lander nodded at Kasey, who quickly took a massive ring of keys out of her pocket. With a click, she turned the lock in the ballistic glass front. The clear glass door slid to the side. I looked down the hall and saw a couple armed guards watching us with consternation.
They’re probably afraid of another code silver, I thought to myself as I entered the cell.
***
“This is subject 171041, Mary Vaber. For the recording,” Dr. Lander began. Mrs. Vaber still just stared at her wall, refusing to talk or turn her body. All I could see of her was auburn hair and an orange prison jumpsuit. I wondered if she was dead, or perhaps in a deep catatonic state, like some schizophrenics experience.
“What’s the point of this?” I asked in a low voice to Dr. Lander. “Can this woman even talk?”
“Yes, she is physically capable of speech,” Dr. Lander said, which didn’t seem like an answer to the question. “We just have to get it out of her.”
“What are we testing?” I asked.
“Psychic research,” she answered. “Mrs. Vaber here is capable of seeing events occurring in other parts of the world. Remote viewing, I believe they call it. Her powers extend beyond that, but I’d like to see if we can get any results on smaller details before moving onto larger ones.” Dr. Lander turned away from me towards Kasey.
“OK, let’s flip her over. Mrs. Vaber, we’re going to move you so that we can have access to you during the experiment.” She nodded at Kasey, and with a grunt, they spun Mrs. Vaber around to face us. When I saw her face, I gasped.
Her eyes shone a bright red, without pupil or iris. Covered in a film of blood, they looked demonic, vampiric even. Yet the blood, if that’s what it was, didn’t overflow. No crimson tears flowed down her face or stained her eyelids.
She didn’t look old, perhaps in her late 30s. She might have been pretty with her wavy, auburn hair and creamy, white skin. Yet the bloody demon-eyes and blank, statuesque expression on her face ruined whatever beauty she possessed.
“Mrs. Vaber, if you ever want to see your family again, you have to cooperate with us,” Dr. Lander said, her tone cold. I thought the use of the word “see” impolitic under the circumstances. When Mrs. Vaber’s face continued to show as much expression as a statue’s, Dr. Lander turned to the assistant. “Please give the injection.”
Kasey took a needle out of her pocket. It had a colorless liquid inside of it.
“Is this stuff similar to the last experiment?” I asked nervously, taking a step back. “LAD-whatever and alpha-PCP?” Kasey lifted the plastic tubing taped into one of Mrs. Vaber’s veins and began injecting the drug before pulling out a saline syringe to flush the line. She exhibited a degree of nonchalance I could only characterize as “outstanding”, especially for someone who’s work partner just got murdered by a werewolf a few minutes ago.
“This ‘stuff’ is a new experimental substance,” Dr. Lander said proudly. “We have had some results using it on people with latent psychic powers. You won’t find it on the streets.”
“Was is it?” I asked nervously. She paused for a long moment, as if lost in thought.
“You know what DMT, or dimethyltryptamine, is? It occurs naturally in the brain, and it also causes out-of-body experiences and mystical experiences in most people.”
“Of course I know what DMT is,” I said. “You know, when the Soviets did their own version of MKULTRA back in the day, they mostly used DMT instead of LSD.”
“Well, this new stuff makes DMT look like ginger beer,” she said confidently. “The lab used DMT as a starting point, but with tweaks of chemistry, we found something far stronger.” She pulled out a clear, sealed vial and threw it to me with an underhand toss. I read the label carefully: “4-fluoro-HO-DMT”, it read. “Experimental drug. Not approved by the FDA or DEA. Not for human consumption.” I gave it back and she tucked it into a random lab coat. I looked back over at Mrs. Vaber and gasped.
Translucent white light flowed out from her body, from every pore on her skin and every hair. It circulated over her like water, flowing and reforming. Her mouth formed an “O” of horror and fear, a silent scream dying in that gaping black hole.
Kasey stood next to the woman, her eyes wide as she backed up a couple steps. She looked like she wanted to turn and run.
“I think we’ve just turned the lights on,” Dr. Lander said, “and now it’s time to see if anyone’s home.” She checked her watch, counting down the seconds. After about thirty seconds, she sighed, turning to Kasey. “Give her another dose, please.” Kasey seemed to grow paler, but she took another syringe filled with the clear liquid and began to inject it into the line. By the time she had flushed the last of the substance out of the line with saline, the light swirling around Mrs. Vaber had become blinding.
She suddenly sat up on her thin mattress, her face still formed into a silent scream. Her fingers began to twitch. Her arms jerked. Then her face smoothed into a placid, statuesque expression. Her head slowly turned until she was staring directly at me with those blood-red, sickly eyes.
“Whatever you do, don’t touch her,” a voice said from behind me, sounding like it came from far away. I felt like I was drifting off as I stared into her eyes. I realized I was becoming hypnotized. A hand on my shoulder ripped me back to reality. I spun, backing up into the metal wall. “And don’t stare into her eyes.” I looked and saw Kasey standing there, a look of empathy on her young face.
“Mrs. Vaber, I’m going to ask you a few questions, OK?” Dr. Lander said in a falsely cheerful voice. Mrs. Vaber’s mannequin-like face turned to stare at Dr. Lander blankly, but Dr. Lander didn’t return her stare. “What is your full name?” I didn’t think she would answer, but after a moment, she did.
“Mary Louise Vaber,” she whispered in a blank, robotic voice.
“OK, good,” she said, writing something on a clipboard. “And do you have knowledge of things happening outside this cell at this moment?”
“Yes,” Mrs. Vaber said simply. “I can see all of it.”
“Give me an example,” Dr. Lander pressed.
“I know you haven’t changed your underwear in two days,” Mrs. Vaber said. “Does that suffice?” Dr. Lander scratched something down on a clipboard.
“That’s technically something inside this room,” Dr. Lander said, unperturbed. “Can you tell me something happening in China right now?”
“Xi Jinping is discussing three potential Taiwan invasion strategies with his staff,” Mrs. Vaber said. “They want the invasion to start by 2025 at the latest. Does that count?” Dr. Lander scribbled something, frantically writing out a much longer response on her clipboard than any of the other answers elicited.
“And Mrs. Vaber, do you know why you’re here?”
“Because I killed a school full of children,” she droned. “They told me seventy of them died.” Dr. Lander made a few quick scratches on her clipboard.
“And do you know how you killed them?” Dr. Lander asked. The floor vibrated, as if an aftershock had passed underneath our feet. I looked worriedly at Dr. Lander, but she didn’t respond. Mrs. Vaber’s face formed into a wide smile. It reminded me of the death mask of a tetanus patient- an insane, rictus grin that showed no compassion.
“Slowly,” she said, drawing the word out, “like I’m about to do to you.” As she finished speaking, the light around her body expanded into a blinding flash. I backed up towards the door instinctively. I saw Kasey doing the same. Once the light had cleared, Dr. Lander still stood there, but she wasn’t alone with Mrs. Vaber anymore.
Thousands of writhing black spiders began appearing and falling off her body, like a bubbling stream overflowing its banks. Dr. Lander looked down in astonishment for a fraction of a second before turning to run. The stream of crawling predators swarmed around her, however, running up her sneakers and legs. I saw large brown recluses covering her chest and countless tiny black widows sneaking into her clothing. She began to shriek in horror and pain.
“Close the goddamned door!” I screamed. Kasey and I both started pushing on the sliding glass door as the spiders swarmed towards us. A few crossed the threshold, and a rising sense of panic began to overtake me. Then, with a bang, it flew shut, slicing some of the larger brown recluses in half.
A small stream of a few black widows skittered towards my shoes, but I began stomping them, seeing their tiny bodies squashed onto the concrete floor below. Next to me, I heard Kasey breathing hard, muttering some incomprehensible prayer.
I looked back in the cell and saw Dr. Lander stumbling around, a sprinting human pillar of spiders. They swarmed in her mouth, in her ears and eyes and nose, biting, skittering and jumping all over her body. She shrieked over and over, trying to pull them out of her mouth and nose, trying to smash her body against the wall to kill them, but after a few more seconds of countless bites, her voice began to give out. She tried to walk towards the door, putting her arms out towards us, then stumbled and fell. Her arms and legs still twitched as she died on the cold floor below us.
“We’d better go call a code black for this,” Kasey said regretfully.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” I said. “I’m sure the guards will love this one.” Kasey shrugged.
“They’re used to it,” she said.
“This project is going to need a lot of work,” I said, turning to face Kasey. “Do you still want to be a part of Operation RAVEN after all this?”
“As long as you’re in charge,” she said, smiling, “always.”
submitted by CIAHerpes to stories [link] [comments]
So I had seen a lot of things, and I felt a sense of relief when I was told that, from now on, I would only have to work within the United States. When my superior, Agent White, called me to his office one hot summer morning last year, I went right away.
“Sit down, Agent Black,” he said to me, motioning to the chair across the desk. “Do you want coffee or anything?”
“Sure,” I said, and he called his secretary to bring us both coffees. She hustled in, dropping the steaming hot cups in front of us and leaving immediately without a word.
“So,” he said, “we’ve been hearing a lot of chatter lately about the Chinese starting a mind control program.” I nearly choked on my coffee when he said that.
“That stuff is all bullshit, sir,” I said dryly. “You know it and I know it. The CIA tried that in the 60s, and they had no results. MKULTRA, MKOFTEN and CHICKWIT already covered that ground- unsuccessfully, I might add.” He smiled slightly at this.
“They had no results that they publicized, you mean,” he said. “The truth is slightly more nuanced. MKULTRA was not run with the kind of scientific vigor that we would bring to a modern experiment, however. They were basically just dosing people with huge doses of LSD or injecting them with amphetamines and barbiturates until they became drooling idiots. This is not the experiment we are interested in funding.”
“So what is?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“We want to see whether certain people can see the future, keeping them under controlled, scientific confinement in the process to rule out any kind of fraud or charlatanism. Also, we want to see if psychics can see military secrets in the present, secrets that we don’t currently have access to.
“Any advances in interrogation techniques achieved from the use of new drugs would also be funded. We are particularly interested in the potential of bromo-dragonFLY and alpha-PVP in test subjects. Both have caused nightmarish hallucinations in people accompanied by visions of hell, which could be useful for getting hardened subjects to talk.” He paused for a long moment after this, looking thoughtful. “And psychic research, of course.” I scoffed.
“Psychics?” I said scornfully. “Like from a circus? Are we bringing in Tarot card readers too?” He laughed.
“Sure, why not,” he said, handing me a slip of paper. “Report here tomorrow morning. It will be your first day with the researchers. We’ve decided to call it ‘Operation RAVEN’.”
***
I went to the address written in Agent White’s tiny, copperplate handwriting. By the time I pulled up to the front gate, the sun had just started to rise. I had always liked getting an early start.
Two armed guards sat at a booth, a red-and-white striped metal gate blocking the way inside. Behind them, I saw massive, brown buildings with no windows. The architecture looked brutalist. The buildings stood tall and imposing, forming perfect cubes of smooth concrete surrounded by row after row of razor wire.
“Identification?” a guard said, coming up to the window and putting out his left hand. He kept the other near his holstered pistol.
I opened my wallet and flashed my CIA credentials. After staring at it for a long moment, he nodded, going back to the booth and allowing the thick metal gates to slide open.
I had never been here before, and I was amazed by how many cars filled the parking lot. Hundreds of them stretched out in front of my eyes, and I drove around for five minutes before finding an empty spot towards the back. As I started the trek towards the door, I felt like eyes watched me from all directions.
I signed in again at the front desk of the complex, an armed security guard eyeing me mistrustfully as I pulled out my identification and badge. When I told him who I was and what I was doing there, he said to take the elevator to the bottom floor, then pretended to go back to reading his newspaper. Behind the rustling edges, though, I caught him glimpsing everyone that walked past with a soldierly intensity, ready to react at a moment’s notice.
I got in, seeing the building went all the way from -5 to 5. I pressed the button for -5, feeling the elevator quickly descending, my stomach rising with the motion.
When it dinged and the doors rolled open, I found myself standing in front of a large laboratory. A team of doctors, scientists and lab workers stood twenty feet away, forming a semi-circle around the steaming hot coffee pot in the corner. They discussed something in hushed tones, and when they saw me approaching, they all went silent.
“Hello,” I said calmly, stepping forward. “I’m Agent Philip Black. The Director sent me here to look at your work.” A female doctor stepped forward. Even though I towered over her five-foot-frame, she exhibited a kind of self-confidence that made her seem larger. Her black hair framed her thin face, and her eyes gleamed with intelligence. She smiled, showing straight, white teeth. Her stylish glasses reflected the bright fluorescent lights overhead.
“Nice to finally put a face with the fake name,” she said, grinning. “My name is Dr. Lander.” I didn’t react, simply looking around at the chemistry equipment and computers set up.
“Where do we keep the subjects?” I asked. She nodded at a narrow hallway at the far end of the large laboratory. “I’d like to see them.”
“You can see them all you want,” Dr. Lander responded, “but we’re about to start an experiment. Perhaps it would be better if you saw our research first-hand before talking to the subjects. Things will make more sense, I think, if you watch.”
“Sure,” I said, tearing my gaze away from the narrow hallway. It seemed to beckon me, cool and dark in the corner. I suddenly felt very hot, and the lights seemed too bright overhead.
Dr. Lander turned and headed towards a room in the corner. I saw a chair welded to the floor with straps hanging down from both sides. A bag of saline and a syringe filled with blue fluid stood on a metal tray next to a box of latex gloves. Two lab assistants stood at attention, one on each side of the chair. Dr. Lander chatted with one as we waited for the guards to bring the man in.
“This stuff, alpha-PVP, they call it flakka on the streets,” she said to the assistant. “In some subjects, it has caused visions of demons and hellfire. I think this is the same stuff that caused someone to eat another guy’s face with his bare teeth. We could also use amphetamine psychosis in weakening the subject’s will for interrogations, but the problem is they start to get delusional and their information…”
I stopped listening as two black-suited officers brought in a very hairy man. He was stout, barrel-chested and only about five-foot-six. But his arms and legs looked like tree trunks covered in thick, black hair. He had a unibrow and his eyes looked nearly black. A massive wizard beard hung down to his belly button. He wore a bright-orange prison jumpsuit.
“This is kidnapping!” he said in a thick Eastern European accent. “You cannot just come and tie people up and take them out of their homes!” Dr. Lander ignored his outburst, instead turning to me and the assistants as the guards strapped the man down in the chair. She raised the syringe filled with blue liquid so we could all see it.
“Now this here is a special combination of drugs we thought might be a good starting point. It is a combination of potent hallucinogens, including LSD-25, ALD-52, bromo-dragonFLY and the more potent purified isomer of alpha-PVP. We will be feeding the substances intravenously to the subject during interrogation and observing his reaction. Are there any questions?”
“Fuck you, you American pig,” the man in the chair said. The doctor ignored him.
“That’s not a question,” I said, trying to break the tension. No one laughed.
“OK, so let’s start running the solution then. For the recording, this is subject 102202, Vladimir Greika.” She nodded at the lab assistant who stood next to the IV line feeding into the man’s arm. “Go ahead.” The lab assistant, a thin man with large glasses and a balding hairline, took the syringe and gingerly screwed it into the plastic tubing taped to the man’s arm.
The blue fluid mixed with the clear saline as it fed into the man’s veins, the dark cyanotic color lightening as it went. The subject, Vladimir, continued to hiss and scream at the doctor and her assistants. His eyes met mine, and I noticed they looked rather strange. When I first saw him, I remember thinking about how dark his eyes looked. But now the iris had turned a muddy yellow, like a tiger’s eye gemstone.
His scowl had turned into a grin, and his teeth appeared to sharpen and lengthen. They looked dark and stained, with the serrated points covered in a thick, yellow film.
“Where were you during the massacre of your family on April 10th, 2022?” Dr. Lander asked Vladimir. His muscles seemed to grow before my eyes, ripping through his clothes. He gnashed his teeth as foamy saliva dripped from his mouth. She sighed. “OK, prepare round two of the drug combination on my…”
“I was with my family, of course, you stupid bitch,” Vladimir said, his voice deepening and turning into a growl. The black hair on his body looked like it had grown, and even his hands and face were now covered. “I had changed. I was hungry, so hungry. They tried running through the forest, but I could see far better in the darkness than they could. I took them one by one, ripping them apart as they screamed and begged for mercy. That was my own wife and three daughters.” He leaned forwards in his chair as claws sprouted from his fingers, as white as ivory and as sharp as scalpels. “So what do you think I’ll do to you when I get out of this goddamned chair?”
With a roar, the beast in the chair pulled against the straps. For a few moments, it looked like they would hold. And then, with a ripping noise, they all gave way at once. The man had fully transformed into a wolfish abomination, and silver streams of saliva ran from his grinning mouth.
“Code silver, code silver!” Dr. Lander screamed as she began to run towards the door. The thin male lab assistant stood there, quivering and trembling, the bald spot on his head turning a bright red. The other assistant, a young blonde woman, sprinted past me. I stood there shocked for a moment, not knowing what to do. But my instincts screamed at me to stay with Dr. Lander. Without waiting to see what would happen, I turned and started sprinting for the door.
“Shut the door, shut the door!” Dr. Lander cried as the three of us ran out of the room. I looked at the heavy steel door with its shatterproof glass window.
“What about your assistant?” I said. She shook her head.
“It’s too late! He’s already dead! Close the door before it gets out!” She shoved me aside as her and the blonde assistant each grabbed an edge. With a groan, they slammed it closed. Dr. Lander bent over double, hyperventilating. She looked up at her assistant. “Good job, Kasey. Quick thinking.”
I looked in the windowpane and saw the male assistant running towards the door, covered in blood. He definitely was not already dead. I gave Dr. Lander a skewed, mistrustful look.
“Let me out, please!” the assistant pleaded as he slammed his bloody fist against the small window. With glowing, yellow eyes and greasy, black fur covering every inch of his body, Vladimir looked like something straight out of a medieval textbook on occultism. He lept high into the air and came down on the assistant’s back, clawing and gnashing his teeth as shreds of fabric and drops of blood flew everywhere.
Dr. Lander stared into the room, her eyes as emotionless as that of a marble statue. The blonde assistant shifted nervously from foot to foot, her face flickering from Dr. Lander to the window and back again.
“Aren’t we going to help?” Kasey, the blonde assistant, said. A moment later, the wall shook as the werewolf slammed into the male assistant again, knocking him to the floor. I saw the assistant smear his own blood all across the white walls as he tried to crawl away from the beast, holding one side of his neck with his left hand. Bright red blood spurted between his fingers and soaked his lab coat.
The beast jumped and flew across the room. The assistant twisted his body so that he was laying on his back, putting his arms out in a defensive posture. In a blur, the werewolf landed back on top of the prone man. It began clawing at his chest and face as the assistant to put his hands up and shield his eyes. I saw its claws slice through his fingers like a sharp knife through hot butter. The four digits fell to the side, the man’s spurting hand still raised high in the air as he lay on the ground. I heard his gurgling breaths as he began choking on his blood.
I heard Kasey gasp and suppress a cry of horror as she watched the final moments of the brutal act. In a show of mercy, the beast knelt down and placed his ivory-white teeth over the male assistant’s throat. Then he bit deeply into the man’s neck and, with a sickening spray of blood and a ripping sound, finally killed the poor bastard.
***
“Well, that was a massive failure,” I said spitefully as we walked away from the gruesome murder scene.
“Why would you say that?” Dr. Lander asked politely, her large, brown eyes turning to regard me.
“I mean, your guy is definitely dead,” I responded with incredulity. “Is that not a problem? Do you go through assistants like toilet paper here?”
“Sometimes to make an omelet, you have to crack a few eggs, right?” Dr. Lander answered, smirking. Kasey was sweating heavily and shifting uncomfortably from leg to leg. I think she may have been reassessing her career choice at that moment. “That was actually the most information we have gotten out of Vladimir so far. Normally, he just blacks out when the topic of his family is brought up. So the hallucinogenic drug mixture is already exceeding expectations. I think we need to try it again on a few more people.
“But anyways, we have another experiment planned within a few minutes. We’ll put a pin in this for now.” The werewolf continued to shred the dead body in the interrogation room behind us. I heard bones cracking and ripping, squelching sounds.
“I hope the next one isn’t so… wet?” I inquired. Dr. Lander only gave me a cryptic half-smile.
Once the notice for code silver got relayed to the ground floor, chaos broke out. A team of men in bulletproof vests and military gear came running out of the elevator, heading in the direction of the interrogation room. I saw they carried special long-barreled tranquilizer guns rather than automatic rifles.
“What do you use to put down a werewolf?” I asked, genuinely curious. I watched as one soldier flung open the door and a few others stuck their guns in. I heard soft popping sounds as they fired. Within seconds, they pulled them back out and the door slammed shut again.
“Oh, it’s a special blend we developed here,” she said. “Normal tranquilizers don’t work on them. A super-potent opioid like etorphine that would take down an elephant just slows them down. So we use a combination of etorphine, carfentanil and phencyclidine. Even that is sometimes iffy, and it takes a massive dose just to sedate them. They have a very strange neuropharmacology compared to normal animals. For some reason, they’re highly susceptible to synergistic effects from NMDA antagonists, yet a pure opioid agonist has little effect.”
“Yeah, I really don’t know what that means,” I said.
We came to another cell with a clear plexiglass shield covering the entire front entrance. I peered through, wondering what other oddities lay down here in the heart of Operation RAVEN.
***
I looked back down the steel reinforced halls just in time to see three men in SWAT gear dragging Vladimir’s unconscious body along the floor. He had partially returned to his human state. Now he looked more like a Neanderthal covered in thick black hair, his strange claws fused to the stubs of his fingers. His face was saturated with coagulated blood. Pieces of gore and shredded skin stuck to the entire front of his now naked body. Remnants of his orange jumpsuit littered the hall, small pieces of bloody cloth falling to the sides as they pulled him by his arms towards another nearby metal cell with a bulletproof glass front.
“OK, our second experiment for the day is a little different,” Dr. Lander said as she stopped in front of another cell. Looking down the hallway, I saw that each of the rooms on both sides had prisoners. Most were men, but I saw some women and even a few children locked behind the glass walls. I estimated that at least fifty people must live here as subjects in hellish experiments.
Dr. Lander pointed at a woman laying on her steel bed, her face turned away from us towards the wall. I saw a few photos on the walls, mostly pictures of small children grinning for the camera in their best clothes.
“Mrs. Vaber?” Dr. Lander said politely, her light voice echoing off the cold metal and concrete walls of the building. “Can we please talk to you?” The woman continued to ignore us. “OK, well, we’re coming in. You know the rules.” Dr. Lander nodded at Kasey, who quickly took a massive ring of keys out of her pocket. With a click, she turned the lock in the ballistic glass front. The clear glass door slid to the side. I looked down the hall and saw a couple armed guards watching us with consternation.
They’re probably afraid of another code silver, I thought to myself as I entered the cell.
***
“This is subject 171041, Mary Vaber. For the recording,” Dr. Lander began. Mrs. Vaber still just stared at her wall, refusing to talk or turn her body. All I could see of her was auburn hair and an orange prison jumpsuit. I wondered if she was dead, or perhaps in a deep catatonic state, like some schizophrenics experience.
“What’s the point of this?” I asked in a low voice to Dr. Lander. “Can this woman even talk?”
“Yes, she is physically capable of speech,” Dr. Lander said, which didn’t seem like an answer to the question. “We just have to get it out of her.”
“What are we testing?” I asked.
“Psychic research,” she answered. “Mrs. Vaber here is capable of seeing events occurring in other parts of the world. Remote viewing, I believe they call it. Her powers extend beyond that, but I’d like to see if we can get any results on smaller details before moving onto larger ones.” Dr. Lander turned away from me towards Kasey.
“OK, let’s flip her over. Mrs. Vaber, we’re going to move you so that we can have access to you during the experiment.” She nodded at Kasey, and with a grunt, they spun Mrs. Vaber around to face us. When I saw her face, I gasped.
Her eyes shone a bright red, without pupil or iris. Covered in a film of blood, they looked demonic, vampiric even. Yet the blood, if that’s what it was, didn’t overflow. No crimson tears flowed down her face or stained her eyelids.
She didn’t look old, perhaps in her late 30s. She might have been pretty with her wavy, auburn hair and creamy, white skin. Yet the bloody demon-eyes and blank, statuesque expression on her face ruined whatever beauty she possessed.
“Mrs. Vaber, if you ever want to see your family again, you have to cooperate with us,” Dr. Lander said, her tone cold. I thought the use of the word “see” impolitic under the circumstances. When Mrs. Vaber’s face continued to show as much expression as a statue’s, Dr. Lander turned to the assistant. “Please give the injection.”
Kasey took a needle out of her pocket. It had a colorless liquid inside of it.
“Is this stuff similar to the last experiment?” I asked nervously, taking a step back. “LAD-whatever and alpha-PCP?” Kasey lifted the plastic tubing taped into one of Mrs. Vaber’s veins and began injecting the drug before pulling out a saline syringe to flush the line. She exhibited a degree of nonchalance I could only characterize as “outstanding”, especially for someone who’s work partner just got murdered by a werewolf a few minutes ago.
“This ‘stuff’ is a new experimental substance,” Dr. Lander said proudly. “We have had some results using it on people with latent psychic powers. You won’t find it on the streets.”
“Was is it?” I asked nervously. She paused for a long moment, as if lost in thought.
“You know what DMT, or dimethyltryptamine, is? It occurs naturally in the brain, and it also causes out-of-body experiences and mystical experiences in most people.”
“Of course I know what DMT is,” I said. “You know, when the Soviets did their own version of MKULTRA back in the day, they mostly used DMT instead of LSD.”
“Well, this new stuff makes DMT look like ginger beer,” she said confidently. “The lab used DMT as a starting point, but with tweaks of chemistry, we found something far stronger.” She pulled out a clear, sealed vial and threw it to me with an underhand toss. I read the label carefully: “4-fluoro-HO-DMT”, it read. “Experimental drug. Not approved by the FDA or DEA. Not for human consumption.” I gave it back and she tucked it into a random lab coat. I looked back over at Mrs. Vaber and gasped.
Translucent white light flowed out from her body, from every pore on her skin and every hair. It circulated over her like water, flowing and reforming. Her mouth formed an “O” of horror and fear, a silent scream dying in that gaping black hole.
Kasey stood next to the woman, her eyes wide as she backed up a couple steps. She looked like she wanted to turn and run.
“I think we’ve just turned the lights on,” Dr. Lander said, “and now it’s time to see if anyone’s home.” She checked her watch, counting down the seconds. After about thirty seconds, she sighed, turning to Kasey. “Give her another dose, please.” Kasey seemed to grow paler, but she took another syringe filled with the clear liquid and began to inject it into the line. By the time she had flushed the last of the substance out of the line with saline, the light swirling around Mrs. Vaber had become blinding.
She suddenly sat up on her thin mattress, her face still formed into a silent scream. Her fingers began to twitch. Her arms jerked. Then her face smoothed into a placid, statuesque expression. Her head slowly turned until she was staring directly at me with those blood-red, sickly eyes.
“Whatever you do, don’t touch her,” a voice said from behind me, sounding like it came from far away. I felt like I was drifting off as I stared into her eyes. I realized I was becoming hypnotized. A hand on my shoulder ripped me back to reality. I spun, backing up into the metal wall. “And don’t stare into her eyes.” I looked and saw Kasey standing there, a look of empathy on her young face.
“Mrs. Vaber, I’m going to ask you a few questions, OK?” Dr. Lander said in a falsely cheerful voice. Mrs. Vaber’s mannequin-like face turned to stare at Dr. Lander blankly, but Dr. Lander didn’t return her stare. “What is your full name?” I didn’t think she would answer, but after a moment, she did.
“Mary Louise Vaber,” she whispered in a blank, robotic voice.
“OK, good,” she said, writing something on a clipboard. “And do you have knowledge of things happening outside this cell at this moment?”
“Yes,” Mrs. Vaber said simply. “I can see all of it.”
“Give me an example,” Dr. Lander pressed.
“I know you haven’t changed your underwear in two days,” Mrs. Vaber said. “Does that suffice?” Dr. Lander scratched something down on a clipboard.
“That’s technically something inside this room,” Dr. Lander said, unperturbed. “Can you tell me something happening in China right now?”
“Xi Jinping is discussing three potential Taiwan invasion strategies with his staff,” Mrs. Vaber said. “They want the invasion to start by 2025 at the latest. Does that count?” Dr. Lander scribbled something, frantically writing out a much longer response on her clipboard than any of the other answers elicited.
“And Mrs. Vaber, do you know why you’re here?”
“Because I killed a school full of children,” she droned. “They told me seventy of them died.” Dr. Lander made a few quick scratches on her clipboard.
“And do you know how you killed them?” Dr. Lander asked. The floor vibrated, as if an aftershock had passed underneath our feet. I looked worriedly at Dr. Lander, but she didn’t respond. Mrs. Vaber’s face formed into a wide smile. It reminded me of the death mask of a tetanus patient- an insane, rictus grin that showed no compassion.
“Slowly,” she said, drawing the word out, “like I’m about to do to you.” As she finished speaking, the light around her body expanded into a blinding flash. I backed up towards the door instinctively. I saw Kasey doing the same. Once the light had cleared, Dr. Lander still stood there, but she wasn’t alone with Mrs. Vaber anymore.
Thousands of writhing black spiders began appearing and falling off her body, like a bubbling stream overflowing its banks. Dr. Lander looked down in astonishment for a fraction of a second before turning to run. The stream of crawling predators swarmed around her, however, running up her sneakers and legs. I saw large brown recluses covering her chest and countless tiny black widows sneaking into her clothing. She began to shriek in horror and pain.
“Close the goddamned door!” I screamed. Kasey and I both started pushing on the sliding glass door as the spiders swarmed towards us. A few crossed the threshold, and a rising sense of panic began to overtake me. Then, with a bang, it flew shut, slicing some of the larger brown recluses in half.
A small stream of a few black widows skittered towards my shoes, but I began stomping them, seeing their tiny bodies squashed onto the concrete floor below. Next to me, I heard Kasey breathing hard, muttering some incomprehensible prayer.
I looked back in the cell and saw Dr. Lander stumbling around, a sprinting human pillar of spiders. They swarmed in her mouth, in her ears and eyes and nose, biting, skittering and jumping all over her body. She shrieked over and over, trying to pull them out of her mouth and nose, trying to smash her body against the wall to kill them, but after a few more seconds of countless bites, her voice began to give out. She tried to walk towards the door, putting her arms out towards us, then stumbled and fell. Her arms and legs still twitched as she died on the cold floor below us.
“We’d better go call a code black for this,” Kasey said regretfully.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” I said. “I’m sure the guards will love this one.” Kasey shrugged.
“They’re used to it,” she said.
“This project is going to need a lot of work,” I said, turning to face Kasey. “Do you still want to be a part of Operation RAVEN after all this?”
“As long as you’re in charge,” she said, smiling, “always.”
2024.04.21 00:37 Special-Scarcity4898 This is new to me and I have questions (Long Post)
Hey everyone! Hope life has been treating you well, for me, I've been thrown a but of a curve ball and have embarked on a journey I didn't think I would. This is a long post, be warned.
I'm a straight 38 year old male, married with a kid. My wife and I own a construction company in Texas and I am a retired bodybuilder and arena football player.
My wife got injured on a job that almost paralyzed her and requires a second neck surgery, which will force her into disability. In our business she handles all interior work and I handle exterior, without an adequate replacement we will be losing about 60% of our revenue. We have been talking about winding the company down because we have bought a large ranch and want to try our hand in ranching and farming and live a simpler life and have more time on the property as a family. We didn't anticipate our exit to be this abrupt.
For the past few years I've been creating content on tiktok and YouTube, some work stuff, gaming as an alter ego, educational stuff (I have a Masters in Business Administration/ Human Resources), fitness, reactions, and have a bit of a following. I have been asked by many people who follow if I have an Only Fans, which I would reply no. They normally would say that I would do really well and that's its a shame or something of that nature.
So......The wife and I sat down and discussed options.
It's blowing up. Top 5% in just under 3 weeks.
This absolutely blowd my mind because I consider it pretty much SFW. I show my ass here and there, but nothing crazy and I don't show my dick. Regardless, my community seems to love it.
Upon further researching my audience, I have come to realize about 95% is gay, which again confuses me because I'm straight.
This my friends is why I'm here. I have a few of the guys on my Only Fans I consider as advisors that has been helping me with ideas and photo shoots and livestreams, great guys and super supportive.
One of them recommended me here to ask some questions to a larger group and to get more feedback, so these are the questions I have (finally right?).
5 - Value and Satisfaction - I'm pretty open and transparent. I don't lead on or promise and not deliver on any facet of my life. I have concerns about sustainability of fans without having to go all out and starting stuffing things in my asshole. I have set boundaries with this that are clearly stated, but I'm afraid eventually the content will not be sufficient. I know as a straight man, I can only handle so much "tease" and will want the real thing. As gay men, do you develop feelings for other men that you have sexual desire for? I know that personally when I look at porn or pictures to get off I have zero desire to get to know the people or engage or anything, I'm there for a purpose then I'm done.
I guess those are probably the top 5 questions I have right now and would love any insight on them. Sorry it's a super long post, but I'm honestly in a whole new world and want to understand as much as I can.
submitted by Special-Scarcity4898 to askgaybros [link] [comments]
I'm a straight 38 year old male, married with a kid. My wife and I own a construction company in Texas and I am a retired bodybuilder and arena football player.
My wife got injured on a job that almost paralyzed her and requires a second neck surgery, which will force her into disability. In our business she handles all interior work and I handle exterior, without an adequate replacement we will be losing about 60% of our revenue. We have been talking about winding the company down because we have bought a large ranch and want to try our hand in ranching and farming and live a simpler life and have more time on the property as a family. We didn't anticipate our exit to be this abrupt.
For the past few years I've been creating content on tiktok and YouTube, some work stuff, gaming as an alter ego, educational stuff (I have a Masters in Business Administration/ Human Resources), fitness, reactions, and have a bit of a following. I have been asked by many people who follow if I have an Only Fans, which I would reply no. They normally would say that I would do really well and that's its a shame or something of that nature.
So......The wife and I sat down and discussed options.
- I could try and replace her and continue then wind down, but then I would turn around and let the replacement go after a ton of training and resources invested.
- Go back to the corporate world, wear a suit and tie again, and grind it out in the city and try to build our dream ranch on the side for the next 10 years, or
- Try out Only Fans with the audience I have, filming content on my property and focus on building our dreams.
It's blowing up. Top 5% in just under 3 weeks.
This absolutely blowd my mind because I consider it pretty much SFW. I show my ass here and there, but nothing crazy and I don't show my dick. Regardless, my community seems to love it.
Upon further researching my audience, I have come to realize about 95% is gay, which again confuses me because I'm straight.
This my friends is why I'm here. I have a few of the guys on my Only Fans I consider as advisors that has been helping me with ideas and photo shoots and livestreams, great guys and super supportive.
One of them recommended me here to ask some questions to a larger group and to get more feedback, so these are the questions I have (finally right?).
- Why do gay men love straight men so much? I have had a huge amount of gay men state that being straight and making this kind of content on Only Fans makes it much more "hot" then if I was gay myself. Why?
- Jock Straps - Dozens of requests to wear this. I've played sports all my life and played professionally. Jock straps have always just been necessary sports attire to me, I've never looked at them as a sexual thing. Why are they seen like this by gay men?
- Body Hair - This one baffles me. I'm a decently hairy dude, but when I competed and was single I was always clean shaved. I always thought the male body looked better cleanly shaved and trimmed, this seems to not be the case for gay men. Even the hair on my back I'm told not to shave it, and I think it looks horrendous. Why is this?
5 - Value and Satisfaction - I'm pretty open and transparent. I don't lead on or promise and not deliver on any facet of my life. I have concerns about sustainability of fans without having to go all out and starting stuffing things in my asshole. I have set boundaries with this that are clearly stated, but I'm afraid eventually the content will not be sufficient. I know as a straight man, I can only handle so much "tease" and will want the real thing. As gay men, do you develop feelings for other men that you have sexual desire for? I know that personally when I look at porn or pictures to get off I have zero desire to get to know the people or engage or anything, I'm there for a purpose then I'm done.
I guess those are probably the top 5 questions I have right now and would love any insight on them. Sorry it's a super long post, but I'm honestly in a whole new world and want to understand as much as I can.
2024.04.20 06:39 LucyAriaRose I ate almost half box of cannabis cookies thinking it got 200mg thc in all package but turned out its 2000 how fucked am i?
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Egehan550. They posted in NoStupidQuestions
This was a beast to put together. For clarity's sake, the approximate times are what reveddit labeled them as, meaning I believe they are in my time zone. But regardless, I was able to put things in chronological order.
Trigger Warnings: vomit; hallucinations
Mood Spoilers: thankfully a happy ending
Original Background Post: April 10, 2024
Title: Is it okay to smoke weed if i never smoked "normal" cigarettes before?
Commenter: I’m not really sure what the two have to do with each other… Smoking cigarettes isn’t a prerequisite to smoking weed and many do one without the other. You’re overthinking it. Just smoke 💨
Im with my parents so last thing i want is getting too high lol honestly ill just ask the guy in shop and if he recommends edibles i should eat a small amount and if its doesnt do anything for a long while ill eat more i want to try both methods but still not sure which to try first
Disaster Post: April 13, 2024 (3 days later) (1:29)
Title: I ate almost half box of cannabis cookies thinking it got 200mg thc in all package but turned out its 2000 how fucked am i?
I ate 30-40 grams from 100 gram package and i have plane trip in 3 hours i started sweating how do i prevent getting high?(its been 10 mins)
Relevant Comment:
Top Comment:
Commenter: What airport are you at so I can tune in to the local news in a couple hours?
Mini Update 1: 13 minutes later (1:42)
Commenter: Unless you just finished eating them and can get them out of your stomach, I don't think there is any way to prevent you from getting extremely high and possibly suffering other serious side effects like panic attacks. If you aren't traveling with someone you trust who can steer you through security and take care of your medical needs, you may have to miss your flight.
I only smoked couple times before and not even the full joint at once so i probably got low tolerance
1:59- OOP takes a brief foray into HairStyleAdvice to comment on this Post:
Title: Help, am I going bald?
OOP: You already did
Mini Update 2: 19 minutes later (2:01)
No effects for now i accepted my fate and watching anime rn its been 35-40 mins and i only got a bit sweaty and tipsy
Mini Update 3: almost 1 hour later (2:59)
Update-nothing happened while i was sitting just until i stand up to eat. As soon as i stand up it hit me but i was very hungry and ate more than 1 bread loaf which caused me to throw up i think i threw up most of the cookies and i feel sober now just my hands are shaking but if it doesnt gets worse again i might get to the plane
Mini Update 4: 20 minutes later (3:19)
Why does car horns sounds like my mothers dead grandma lmao
Im fucking fried not stepping out of house soon i tried to reat label of cola and it took hours
Regarding the cola:
Commenter: Did you read their cola secrets? Or did you read their cola secrets? Did you read their cola secrets? They are reading the cola secrets? They are there reading the cola secrets? They are with you reading the cola secrets
Eat peppercorns:
I dont even know what are they are they the seeds in bell pepers and shit?
Mini Update 6: 5 minutes later (3:36)
Commenter: It’s been about 2 hours since this was posted, if you haven’t left yet how are you feeling OP?
Commenter: What do you mean how do you prevent getting high, you ate edibles before a flight lol. I’m gonna be interested in how this turns out.
Commenter: Good luck with your ascension
Commenter: This is Reddit control center we gonna need constant updates and goodluck 🫡
I missed my cats i put 5 says worth of food and water extra wayer for them so they wont splash it but i have to vall my neighbor to call them
Check them
Mini Update 11: 1 minute later (3:44)
Eat something sugary:
I dont think i can consume more sugar i ate tons of banana apple and pear and like 4 chocolate croussants(i dont know how to spell that french ass shit)
Mini Update 12: 3 minutes later (3:47)
Brick walls felts hairy will it get any worse i cant even hear half of the music
Mini Update 13: 2 minutes later (3:49)
Shower?
Dude i teied to fill the tub for the last few hours but plug was plugged out fixed it so i can probably jumpin soon
Mini Update 14: 1 minute later (3:50)
Okay updating my inner voice turned english even im not a native speaker its good but how could i stop imagining south american accent? Im worried english voice might be permament
Final Update in Comments: ~4.5 hours later (8:01)
Pics of cookies since people was curious https://imgur.com/a/uyZKXKF
Update- i was staying at a airbnb house and i was supposed to check out at 12 while i was dozed off at jakuzi owner knocked the fuck out of door and luckily i woke up and get out apologized the guy ect. Checked ferry rides for turkey because of the holiday couldnt find any so booked another flight and sitting on airport.
I could barely get out of house but after fresh air and knocking out 2 giant tubes of ice cream i fell mentally kinda normal but physicaly like shit probably throwing up helped it a bit since im not stoned now. i was suprised to see the please update comments and everyone was worried so thanks and sorry
Most asked questions;
dont go to turkey- im from turkey so its my only option rn just waiting until evening
Where did you found tub- airbnb and i dozed off before reading dont do it messages luckily it was pretty shallow so i didnt drowned
Did i leave my cats for 5 days- no only 3 and extra food and extra water cups everywhere in case they knock they over
How tf did your inner voice turned into american- my major is english translation and interprenting so during mid term phase i even dream english the reason i imagined souther accent is probably the fact that i almost failed the exam because of a.i with southern accent, i didnt get shit.
How concious was i while answering questions- i was conscious but dumb only carcastic one was playing chess with hitler i didnt see that and walls only felt hairy
Where did you found weed cookies at rhodes- it was near the airbnb i booked it was a whole shop and it showes up when you type "cannabis rhodes" to google
Long story short im glad i managed to throw out most of it but still being paranoid was terrible and i tought it was going to last until forever(i cringed so much while checking my comment history i dont know how did you guys managed to read it all also im sorry for the bald guy and n word 😭)
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Things OP ate:
I only have 2 and i left 3 litterbox for them lol(it was usually 1 per cat but they decided to shit on one and piss on another) idk how will having third option affect them lol
The sea bike:
I dont even know where did sea bike shit come from even while stoned i cant be that dumb 😭 not even jet ski cant believe i wanted to ride sea bike to turkey
Where OOP got the weed/if it's legal in Greece:
Idk if its banned or not but i literaly googled "rhodes weed" which showed a shop with huge ass canabis leaf logo inside there were tons of different stuff like hashish skunk ect and also edibles i bought the cookies i was chatting with the guy and he gave me 2 more joints
Checking in 8 hours later:
Are you still high?
I dont think so but i dont even know if you asked my dumb self the same question while stoned i would probably also say "im sober" for now i feel like i got ran over by truck and i still got a bit paranoia left i keep questioning myself and thinking what would happen if i stayed like this forever
Editor's note: OOP never mentions their parents again, but my assumption is that the parents went home early or were visiting elsewhere.
submitted by LucyAriaRose to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
This was a beast to put together. For clarity's sake, the approximate times are what reveddit labeled them as, meaning I believe they are in my time zone. But regardless, I was able to put things in chronological order.
Trigger Warnings: vomit; hallucinations
Mood Spoilers: thankfully a happy ending
Original Background Post: April 10, 2024
Title: Is it okay to smoke weed if i never smoked "normal" cigarettes before?
Commenter: I’m not really sure what the two have to do with each other… Smoking cigarettes isn’t a prerequisite to smoking weed and many do one without the other. You’re overthinking it. Just smoke 💨
OOP: I just didnt knew how they worked lol in my country even if you get caught with a small amount you get arrested but here they sell it in like every market so wanted to ask to be sureCommenter: Sure. It's not a requirement to smoke cigarettes.
OOP: Thanks, also do you reccommend edible ones for first try? There are protein bars cookies ect but probably they wont get me high im assumingCommenter: Why wouldn't they get you high?
OOP: While i eat something while drinking i usually dont get high especially its sweet so getting high while eating cookies sounds funny lmao but if they do i might try them instead since its easier than smoking (Editor's note- I think OOP meant drunk, not high)Commenter: Have you ever consumed weed before? If not, don't go into it assuming that common ways of consumption won't affect you, that's a recipe for accidentally getting way too high and having a bad time.
OOP: I havent and thanks for the heads up other peoples also says i should try the smoke first so i guess i will got with thatOOP's conclusion:
Im with my parents so last thing i want is getting too high lol honestly ill just ask the guy in shop and if he recommends edibles i should eat a small amount and if its doesnt do anything for a long while ill eat more i want to try both methods but still not sure which to try first
Disaster Post: April 13, 2024 (3 days later) (1:29)
Title: I ate almost half box of cannabis cookies thinking it got 200mg thc in all package but turned out its 2000 how fucked am i?
I ate 30-40 grams from 100 gram package and i have plane trip in 3 hours i started sweating how do i prevent getting high?(its been 10 mins)
Relevant Comment:
Top Comment:
Commenter: What airport are you at so I can tune in to the local news in a couple hours?
OOP: 💀 im at greece but not giving the airports name actually the country im going got cannabis banned so if i travel turkey high af maybe i might get arrested idk i dont know how does law works if i get high in greece and travel to a country which bans cannabis(Editor's note- all following updates occur in the comments)
Mini Update 1: 13 minutes later (1:42)
Commenter: Unless you just finished eating them and can get them out of your stomach, I don't think there is any way to prevent you from getting extremely high and possibly suffering other serious side effects like panic attacks. If you aren't traveling with someone you trust who can steer you through security and take care of your medical needs, you may have to miss your flight.
OOP: Thanks for your reply i started drinking cold water and cofee but then it might me too late im not having much effects rn so hoping more cofee can keep me soberImportant info:
I only smoked couple times before and not even the full joint at once so i probably got low tolerance
1:59- OOP takes a brief foray into HairStyleAdvice to comment on this Post:
Title: Help, am I going bald?
OOP: You already did
Mini Update 2: 19 minutes later (2:01)
No effects for now i accepted my fate and watching anime rn its been 35-40 mins and i only got a bit sweaty and tipsy
Mini Update 3: almost 1 hour later (2:59)
Update-nothing happened while i was sitting just until i stand up to eat. As soon as i stand up it hit me but i was very hungry and ate more than 1 bread loaf which caused me to throw up i think i threw up most of the cookies and i feel sober now just my hands are shaking but if it doesnt gets worse again i might get to the plane
Mini Update 4: 20 minutes later (3:19)
Why does car horns sounds like my mothers dead grandma lmao
Im fucking fried not stepping out of house soon i tried to reat label of cola and it took hours
Regarding the cola:
Commenter: Did you read their cola secrets? Or did you read their cola secrets? Did you read their cola secrets? They are reading the cola secrets? They are there reading the cola secrets? They are with you reading the cola secrets
OOP: I gave up what am i going to do with label of cola anyway and it was greece anyway so probably thats why i didnt get shitMini Update 5: 12 minutes later (3:31)
Eat peppercorns:
I dont even know what are they are they the seeds in bell pepers and shit?
Mini Update 6: 5 minutes later (3:36)
Commenter: It’s been about 2 hours since this was posted, if you haven’t left yet how are you feeling OP?
OOP: I dont feel bad but i dont even know how do i go back to my country since i will miss the plane but in worst case ill hire some sea bike shit to go back to turkey when i sober decided to not go turkey while fried 🤝Mini Update 7: 2 minutes later (3:38)
Commenter: What do you mean how do you prevent getting high, you ate edibles before a flight lol. I’m gonna be interested in how this turns out.
OOP: Bro i didnt wanted to get play chess wirh hitler tier high im not playing yet. But i might since i bough chess set with greek gods as stonesMini Update 8: 2 minutes later (3:40)
Commenter: Good luck with your ascension
OOP: Thanks im level 90 nowMini Update 9: 1 minute later (3:41)
Commenter: This is Reddit control center we gonna need constant updates and goodluck 🫡
OOP: Nigga dont sell my datae to cops 😭😭Mini Update 10: 2 minutes later (3:43)
I missed my cats i put 5 says worth of food and water extra wayer for them so they wont splash it but i have to vall my neighbor to call them
Check them
Mini Update 11: 1 minute later (3:44)
Eat something sugary:
I dont think i can consume more sugar i ate tons of banana apple and pear and like 4 chocolate croussants(i dont know how to spell that french ass shit)
Mini Update 12: 3 minutes later (3:47)
Brick walls felts hairy will it get any worse i cant even hear half of the music
Mini Update 13: 2 minutes later (3:49)
Shower?
Dude i teied to fill the tub for the last few hours but plug was plugged out fixed it so i can probably jumpin soon
Mini Update 14: 1 minute later (3:50)
Okay updating my inner voice turned english even im not a native speaker its good but how could i stop imagining south american accent? Im worried english voice might be permament
Final Update in Comments: ~4.5 hours later (8:01)
Pics of cookies since people was curious https://imgur.com/a/uyZKXKF
Update- i was staying at a airbnb house and i was supposed to check out at 12 while i was dozed off at jakuzi owner knocked the fuck out of door and luckily i woke up and get out apologized the guy ect. Checked ferry rides for turkey because of the holiday couldnt find any so booked another flight and sitting on airport.
I could barely get out of house but after fresh air and knocking out 2 giant tubes of ice cream i fell mentally kinda normal but physicaly like shit probably throwing up helped it a bit since im not stoned now. i was suprised to see the please update comments and everyone was worried so thanks and sorry
Most asked questions;
dont go to turkey- im from turkey so its my only option rn just waiting until evening
Where did you found tub- airbnb and i dozed off before reading dont do it messages luckily it was pretty shallow so i didnt drowned
Did i leave my cats for 5 days- no only 3 and extra food and extra water cups everywhere in case they knock they over
How tf did your inner voice turned into american- my major is english translation and interprenting so during mid term phase i even dream english the reason i imagined souther accent is probably the fact that i almost failed the exam because of a.i with southern accent, i didnt get shit.
How concious was i while answering questions- i was conscious but dumb only carcastic one was playing chess with hitler i didnt see that and walls only felt hairy
Where did you found weed cookies at rhodes- it was near the airbnb i booked it was a whole shop and it showes up when you type "cannabis rhodes" to google
Long story short im glad i managed to throw out most of it but still being paranoid was terrible and i tought it was going to last until forever(i cringed so much while checking my comment history i dont know how did you guys managed to read it all also im sorry for the bald guy and n word 😭)
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Things OP ate:
- 2 giant tubes [sic] of ice cream
- Banana
- Apple
- Pears
- 4 chocolate croussants [sic]
- More than 1 whole bread loaf
- Cola (maybe?)
- Water
- Coffee
- 800 (?) mg thc
OOP: Im glad i drank diet coke that looks like lots of calories. To be serious i had stomach recovery surgery 5 years ago and i usually eat 1600 calories per day so it was probably a bigger shock to my body my scale is at home and im probably jumped from 68kg to 75 lolCommenter: Good to hear you are okey, friend! Next time, read the label carefully lol
OOP: Probably i couldnt explain while stoned but label said 200mg and 40 calories after eating half of it i remembered 100 gram cookies are like 400-600 calories after i checked the label again it said "per 10 grams" and i knew i fucked up. At turkey at every label they write 100 grams olr mililiter value so thats why i ate half of itCommenter: This is incredibly coherent for the timing. How are you not passed out?
OOP: I dont know and im glad i only feel terribly tired now my best guess would be throwing out because of eating the whole loaf because it was all green but if the fact that i ate a loaf means weed was already in my blood if its already in my blood how did i recover in few hours idkCommenter: Heyo! Thanks for the update. Glad you're ok! I was mostly worried that this was going to be an expensive mistake. I think you only ever had one option: ride it out.
OOP: Me too. At least i have a story to tell my kids/grandkids now. Weed is banned at turkey so as soon as i got to greece i wanted to try it out. I think if its wasnt banned i would just try it few times(normal dosage) and quit it. But weed being forbidden kinda tempted me to do itCommenter: Oh, forgot to ask. Who won the game of chess? And was Hitler a sore loser?
OOP: I guess i tried to be sarcastic at hitler stuff so i didnt see him but sarcasm and being fried doesnt combine well i suppose. Actually greek god chess pieces while also true i bought it for my grandpa its just chess but olympian gods as piecesCats:
I only have 2 and i left 3 litterbox for them lol(it was usually 1 per cat but they decided to shit on one and piss on another) idk how will having third option affect them lol
The sea bike:
I dont even know where did sea bike shit come from even while stoned i cant be that dumb 😭 not even jet ski cant believe i wanted to ride sea bike to turkey
Where OOP got the weed/if it's legal in Greece:
Idk if its banned or not but i literaly googled "rhodes weed" which showed a shop with huge ass canabis leaf logo inside there were tons of different stuff like hashish skunk ect and also edibles i bought the cookies i was chatting with the guy and he gave me 2 more joints
Checking in 8 hours later:
Are you still high?
I dont think so but i dont even know if you asked my dumb self the same question while stoned i would probably also say "im sober" for now i feel like i got ran over by truck and i still got a bit paranoia left i keep questioning myself and thinking what would happen if i stayed like this forever
Editor's note: OOP never mentions their parents again, but my assumption is that the parents went home early or were visiting elsewhere.