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Ok so I work as a floor supervisor in food service, and the place is owned by a less than reliable company who tends to be pretty heavy-handed on firing people for really small offenses.
I think I’m very good and respected at my work, I get along amazingly with all my coworkers, and I never received a single customer complaint, nor a formal warning for anything I’ve done. I always show up on time, I never call in sick, and I’m generally very keen on doing overtime and taking others shifts.
There’s a new manager hired (last week) who’s particularly incompetent at their job, and requires impossible things from the floor staff. Today I got in a bit of a scuffle with them because they were requiring something that was literally impossible for me to do at that very moment, that wasn’t crucial to the continuation of service, and that would put me in an awkward position with my clients due to longer wait times.
Even though I’m usually very passive and complacent, I refused the instruction, and asked them to stop following me around and telling me how to do my job. I’m very qualified to do my job, and know exactly what has to be done at what timing, but they kept disturbing my service and ordering me around.
I received my first formal warning ever, and it stated that I refused to comply to instructions, and that I was insubordinate. I refused to sign the warning as I really didn’t think it was fair and didn’t want to be associated with the things they were accusing me off.
Instead of trying to have a conversation with me, the new manager left and got back home without saying goodbye to anyone.
I learn just now that they were hired by a higher corporate manager on a duty of cutting down costs. I’m the 2nd highest paid employee, and I know how fast corporate is quick to fire people, since it happened a lot of times.
The entirety of staff, and even the other co-manager, are on my side, and think the warning was deeply unfair.
I want to know if there are any Canadian work laws that could help me out in the eventuality of an unfair firing. I want to be as prepared as possible and know my rights if I’m ever to get fired, since it usually happens in matters of hours/days after an incident.
Help me out please, until literally last week, I loved and worshipped this job, and I’m a very important and needed part of my team.
Thank you 💓

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MediumGrouchy5547
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, depression, self-harm, eating disorder, possible mental health issues
Editor’s Note: TCA stands for trastornos de la conducta alimentaria which translates into “eating disorder”
Rastafarian: a religious movement
Original Post: April 26, 2024
I'm really happy and confused and I really don't know if I can talk about this with friends and family but I need to share my experience with someone because I missed my sister. I don't need or want any advice since no one really knows the situation to be able to give a good advice without assuming things they don't know and it's weird to read people talking about my sister like if they know what she lived, I just want to share this and I know a lot of people have had experiences like this too so maybe someone can relate.
When I was 10 years old my older sister who was 22 at that time disappeared after leaving a note to our parents saying that she's okay and just wants to start over her life.
My sister was always a lonely but outgoing person, she always told me that she enjoyed solitude from time to time and noisy things took away from her quality of life because tbh it was loud LOUD where we lived and it was annoying even for me (we lived in a dangerous neighborhood so it wasn't too safe and she hated not being able to go for a walk at night or do things at night alone), she was depressed and I remember seeing her suffering from severe anxiety attacks, she used to hit herself to stop them and she had a strong TCA that triggered those things. She suffered from other mental issues as well and talked freely about that, she talked about those things in front of me and these are things that leave a mark on you.
She was the favorite of the whole family although mi parents never out pressure on her, they always let us do our life (my brother who was 19 at that time knows that, my sister was the golden child), my grandfather always made it clear that she is his favorite granddaughter, even now. She was the calm but funny kind of person, she was the closest to my parents and uncles so when she disappeared from one day to the next no one understood what was going on.
Even my sister had never traveled alone except to go to work and she always notified my mother that she was okay for safety reasons. She left a long note clarifying that she doesn't want to be searched but she loves us. It was a big blow for the family, I remember my mother wanting to report to the police but they said that my sister was not a minor and the note said that she left by her own so they can't do anything.
In a way, my other brother knew that this would happen at some point, since our sister mentioned a lot that she wanted to leave everything and go live in the countryside or become a nun and live in a calm place without any worries but nobody took her seriously about that. She was always the kind of person who did things without telling anyone, she liked her solitude sometimes even if she was always friendly.
The first months and weeks were strange, it wasn't that she had passed away but that she disappeared because she wanted to, I remember my mother missing her because they always shared the afternoons together.
I also missed her a lot, Even years later my family missed her and at Christmas or her birthday someone would always say "maybe she'll show up now" or we would wonder how she's doing or if she was alive.
Back to the present. I'm on vacation in the south of my country (This part of my country is very expensive for a tourist and I am the only one in my family who was able to come now that I am an adult), it's a place full of villages and while I was exploring I came to a place where they sold typical handicrafts of the place.
While shopping I can swear that the first thing I saw was my sister looking at some crafts on a shelf, she looked more adult but obviously I recognized her instantly, we are really similar after all.
I didn't really knew how to react after so many years and I didn't know how she would react, but I went over and said her name. What I didn't expected was that she would smile instantly when she saw me and called me by my nickname. I thought she had escaped because she didn't wanted anything to do with the family even if in the note she said she loves us, but she was greeting me as if nothing had happened.
She told me that she didn't expected to see me there and asked me if I was on vacation, she said that the village used to be not so touristy but now more people started to go and many villagers opened stores for the tourists. I was upset, I was angry with her for leaving us and pretending that nothing happened but I couldn't react so I just asked her if she lives in that town and she said yes, It's a place filled with old people.
We talked for a few seconds, she asked me what I'm studying and if everyone at home is okay, she told me I'm taller and thinner. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that if I have a few days off I can go visit her but she doesn't have a cell phone so she told me that she's almost everyday there. My sister also told me to send hugs to our parents.
I'm confused and full of questions about her, she doesn't even wants to hide, she didn't looked or talked to me like someone who wanted to run away from something and hide. She was just happy to see me and happy to know that we were all good.
But I also feel resentment for her when I think about all that our parents and grandparents suffered when she disappeared, making my mother feel that she was a bad mother because she couldn't protect her.
But I'm ambivalent as I'm also happy to know that she's okay and that she doesn't hate me or the family but I'm also confused, Her behavior wasn't that of someone who is hiding or who doesn't want to know anything about her past, she was just happy to hear about us.
Edit: I'm sorry but there are people who clearly don't read the post, there are literally people saying that I didn't even knew my sister and commenting as if they knew her and taking things for granted about her life, there are even people saying that they don't understand why I'm 'angry' (it's just a feeling, a normal feeling, it's not that I hate her and I will treat her badly, god. Nor will I talk to my family without talking to her first, at what point in the post did I say that I'm going to expose her? I'm never going to treat her badly either because I have no reason to do so, It's crazy how half the comments draw silly conclusions) with my sister when i literally say it up there, even if my English is bad because it's not my first language, just read the post before you want to get a few likes for some unnecessary advice.
Additional Information from OOP on his sister’s note

OOP: My sister in the note said that she loves our parents, my brother was 19 when our sister left and he himself knows how much our parents loved and supported her when she was having a hard time with herself but the outside always affected her badly.
I was ten years old but I wasn't a baby and I remember what the family dynamic was like, I remember the feeling of my family, my parents are not narcissists and my sister loved them and they love who's my sister, she just had her own problems.
How could a parent miss the idea of their children? There's not a day when my parents don't miss everything about my sister, they miss sharing the day with her, my father even missed when she was cranky. My parents always let us go our own way and I can assure you that they never pressured us to be what they wanted us to be, I don't even know what they want us to be.

Relevant Comments
Mil1512: Is your sister neurodivergent?
With the hitting herself when struggling with anxiety and enjoying solitude.
I'm neurodivergent and my family live in another country. I honestly forget to talk to them most of the time and only really do because my mum messages me first. If she didn't we just wouldn't talk. Not due to any hate or anything, I'm just happy doing my own thing.

OOP: She's not. My sister had a lot of self-destructive behaviors and hurting herself was one of them when she felt 'fat', she also had eating disorders and panic attacks because of that. I don't remember too much but she did other things to not eat besides hitting herself, she was very open about her TCA and yes, she has a diagnosis from a professional.
My sister was always in touch with my mother and everyone in text, she always used to keep in touch when she was going out until the day she left, now she doesn't even have a phone. In her note she just said that she wanted to leave everything

mikuzgrl: It almost seems like the sister has been in contact with someone for a while and thinks news is being passed back and forth.

OOP: I never thought about that but I don't think so, seeing how my parents miss her I think the first thing the family would do would be to at least tell my father that she is okay :/

 
Can people just stop with the aggressive messages? Weirdos: May 1, 2024
I understand that many reflect their personal traumas in this site, but I literally received passive-aggressive messages calling me idiot or even telling me that I would hate my sister if she were neurodivergent or claiming that my parents abused her.
What's wrong with y'all? Go to a psychologist and stop reflecting your unresolved traumas in the story of a person you don't even know. Go out and touch grass and talk to a real person instead of literally sending private messages like that.
I didn't asked for any advice and just wanted to share my story because that's the point of that subreddit, but many took it the wrong way and decided to turn something positive into a way to fight.
I don't even understand why out of nowhere I started getting those kinds of messages or if someone share that post on a weird place.
 
Editor’s Note: TLP is trastorno límite de la personalidad which translates into Borderline Personality Disorder
Update: May 7, 2024
On sunday I finally found my sister again, she was selling things in the park with other stands, all of them are rastafari, not hippies or a sect. I walked over and she greeted me just as happily, we talked a couple of things and my sister told me that she doesn't have a cell phone so it was impossible for her to tell me that she wouldn't be there on Saturday.
I spent the afternoon with her at her stand and after that we went to her house, she lives alone (and sometimes with her friends). We talked for a while and at one point she broke down and hugged me, saying she was trying to stay calm all this time and didn't knew how to react because she didn't wanted to make me cry too bc she remembered that I was really sensitive but she couldn't hold it anymore. We cried and talked a lot.
My sister was tired of people, she said that our house was her safe place but hated the idea of having to work everyday and I didn't wanted to study anything, she was our parents' golden child, so they let her do whatever she wanted, but she knew that at some point she had to make something of her life. She was tired of how stupid and empty everyone was, of the politicians, of the TV showing empty things, of the noise everywhere outside when she wanted peace, even sleeping in our home was stressful for everyone because of the noises outside during the weekends when she wanted to be alone to smoke and listen music (tbh, In my memories as a child I didn't remember the obvious smell of joints that my sister had all the time)
That added to the pressure that society put on her to be physically perfect make her want to leave everything behind.
She didn't wanted to die but realized that my parents were miserable when they saw her being miserable, this is something I didn't know, but my sister said that our father had two jobs to be able to pay for her psychologist and medication, also my father used to spoil her a lot with the only food she eat without guilty. Running away was like dying symbolically.
My sister says that although our parents always supported her, she felt like a failture for not being able to improve and always relapsing, she felt bad to see our father working so hard and also wanted to live according to her spiritual mentality, free from all that is toxic in society.
All of those things make her ran away from everything, she felt like a burden and also didn't wanted to live a life working and miserable like everyone.
Sis told me that she never contacted us because she doesn't wants to have a cell phone and a trip to our province is too expensive to her because it's basically going from one end of the country to the other.
She hates capitalist society with all her soul and doesn't even have a TV. My sister said that she is much better now away from the city. My sister told me that she wants to talk to our parents but doesn't knows what to say and we don't want to give them parents a shock since our dad was sick a few days ago and is recovering from dengue.
I'm writing this with her beside me and doesn't understand what's the point of this site (The last social network she used was fotolog in 2007) but said that she doesn't mind if I post this. She wanted to write something but said she doesn't like writing in English haha
My sister was reading the comments and wants me to clarify that she never suffered any kind of a abuse, she has a lot of friends and never had any problem with anyone but likes to be alone from time to time to meditate.
And she's not neurodivergent (She said her behavior was normal because of her TLP), suffers from ED, borderline personality disorder and see a psychologist twice a month.
During her adolescence, the blogs Ana and mia were trendy, her friends had that 'aesthetic' and she was popular in fotolog (according to my sister, at that time it was taken as an aesthetic and even a book about that was really popular between teens, maybe someone from my country knows Abzurdah?). She hated going out when she felt fat, she couldn't have imperfections like cuts on her arms so she hurt herself with a rubber band when she overate, something she read in those blogs. Now she's in a good weight but it took her really long to not relapse again. It's been a long recovery for her and once you're anorexic you never stop being anorexic, she's always afraid of relapsing.
So that's it for now, we don't know how we're going to talk with our parents without making them freak out. And also my sister after seeing the comments on the post saw other reddit posts and said that her life is definitely better without a cell phone, she says that things like fotolog was the beginning of all evil haha
Relevant Comments
OOP on his sister being involved with Rastafari

OOP: Idk how it is in other countries to be honest, my sister doesn't live in community and there are no camps, she's one of the few who has a house because most of them prefer to travel around the country.
I really think it's impossible for them to be 100% Rastafarian here tbh because we are from South America and the Rastafarian community here is obviously totally different from the REAL Rastafarians, they just follow most of the philosophy
Edit: for example, my sister doesn't consider herself Rastafarian but she share some points of the philosophy they have, I don't know how the rest of them thinks

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Glitter_Mask
AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?
Originally posted to AITAH
TRIGGER WARNING: Manipulation, misogyny
Original post May 4, 2024
So I 24F got off work a bit ago. My husband 24M had some friends over playing card games for the evening and I knew that before I got home.
I came home and saw they had ordered pizza and I don't overly like that pizza brand (dominoes is nasty imo) so I said hi to everyone and started making a frozen ramen. Now my frozen ramen are from a local place and are delicious and not very cheap, but they are my favorite lazy meal.
So I was standing at the stove making my ramen and one of my husband's friends, Brian (fake name) started saying it smelt good. I replied that yes it is delicious and he should try them out sometime but they are pricey (about 16 CAD each). As it kept cooking he just kept saying things like "man that smells good" and "I'd kill for some ramen right now" and such. I just eventually told him that they run a special of buy 10 get 1 free (as I said they are fancy ramen, and very filling). He then said "Oh so you have more? Could you cook me one?"
Honestly I was put off by that. I had just worked for 8 hours and I had told him they aren't cheap.
I said "Well no, they are kind of my thing. I really recommend trying them out though". He clearly got a bit angry and had stopped their game at this point. He said "well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest. You should have just had pizza."
To be fair at this point my husband and the other guys stepped in and told Brian to chill out. My husband also told Brian that it was my food and I don't like the pizza.
It was pretty awkward and once my ramen was heated I took it to my desk in the other room and started typing this out. I was admittedly eavesdropping and I heard Brian leave shortly after I came to my desk.
I'm really wondering if I should have just made him a ramen because I feel the atmosphere of my husband's group might be ruined because of me.
So. AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?
Small update, the rest of the friends left, and husband came to talk to me. He apologized for Brian's behavior and explained that after I left, Husband asked Brian what his problem was. Brian said "whatever let's get back to the game" they all sat in discomfort for about 5 min, then Brian just got up and left. The rest of the gang finished the game, and then they went home. According to Husband, the group agreed that Brian was acting weird and rude. One of the guys volunteered to check on him tomorrow and tell him to apologize to us. So I'll update on that tomorrow, I guess. lol.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
deathtoallants

NTA. Brian should’ve written down the name of the store/brand and flavor on a memo so he could go buy it later. This might be pushing it, but at most he could’ve asked for one bite on a small plate so he can at least taste test it before committing to buying 10 portions of an expensive ramen.
I’ve never heard of frozen ramen. Wtf

OOP

The store is a ramen restaurant and they simply sell their fancy homemade ramen as frozen for a few bucks cheaper. It is just noodles, meat (spicy chicken in my case), broth, and some veggies. Honestly I could make it at home but I'm lazy lol.
But I'm really relieved to see people saying I'm nta. I was getting really into my own head as I was sitting here so that's for the judgement

Update May 5, 2024
Hi all! I was very overwhelmed with the responses to the post. I was honestly just working myself up last night and needed to vent somewhere, I didn't really expect such a response. Thank you all for judgements, it was helpful.
Anyways to the update. Sorry it took the whole day, a lot happened.
The other friend that went to check on Brian, (Sam again fake name) tried calling him in the morning and didn't get a reply. Eventually Sam went to Brian's place and asked to talk.
Sam said it basically went down as him saying,
"You were being weird as hell with ME, what was that"
"I just didn't want dominoes and you guys didn't listen to me. I just wanted other food."
Sam and my husband also say that when the group was discussing food and one of them said just get dominoes, Brian didn't say any objection.
Sam then told him along the lines of "okay well you need to apologize to Husband and I"
Brian then said "yeah I'll apologize to husband"
Most of you readers will pick up what Sam picked up on, Brian didn't want to apologize to me.
Sam told him he mostly needed to apologize to me, it was me he spoke to and me he was rude to.
Brian then told him he'll "think about it" and asked Sam to leave.
Sam then came over and told us the conversation and I started writing the update for you guys.
As I started writing Brian called husband. He was talking very rushed, and I could hear him almost a room away.
"Yeah I'm sorry for last night. I don't think I want to attend game nights at your house though. I don't get along with Me"
Husband started getting kind of heated at that point, because Brian was talking very rapidly, like in a panic almost.
The argument kind of dissolved into a lot of what the comments brought up, my husband asking him was his problem was, is he just that misogynistic, why was he acting this way and such.
Husband said that Brian didn't really make sense during the "talk", making weird comments about other significant others of the guys (some of them are gay or poly), talking about the guys not 'sharing their time', and 'they (I assume he was talking about me and other partners) always ruin the energy and I can never enjoy the time with everyone".
Husband was a bit to angry to ask more and just told him to get himself sorted out and not to come over again.
The other guys are more concerned and think Brian is having a manic episode or is getting into Andrew Tate, as Brian is the last single one of them group. My husband kind of doesn't care through and told them to not involve him in Brian's issues.
For me I kind of don't know what to make of it. I feel bad for my husband because he is very stressed after it all. This isn't his only friend group but he has known these guys for many years. I think most commenter clocked it correctly, he is misogynistic and was just angry at my existence.
I doubt there will be another update, husband wants to step away from the whole thing for now. So thank you all again and have a good night!
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

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Hello! This is my first post, so happy to have found this sub because I’m learning so much. Decided to post because I really need your thoughts and advice.
I grew up in a middle class fam & under super financially illiterate parents. When I was younger, feel ko nasa rich kami but because my parents (my dad for the most part) didn’t invest and save money, at the moment living paycheck to paycheck lang talaga. My parents (both 50) earn a combined ~120-130k net monthly income; mom is a Nurse, dad is a contractual govt employee that pays fairly well. Yun nga lang problema, they both never figured out communicating about money. The easiest way I can put it is that my dad earns fairly well but does not give a lot minsan pahirapan pa hingan and nagagalit pa, my mom naman would rather loan and be in debt to others than be open to my dad sa mga kailangan bayaran for fear na pagagalitan lang siya ng papa. TL/DR, because of 1844829 financial mistakes, I think it’s safe to say we’re one medical bill away from poverty.
As for me, I (F23) just graduated last year, passed my boards and now about to start on my first job as a Nurse in a govt hosp. I’m not a breadwinner, but there’s this unspoken expectation of me helping out sa bills soon kasi lalong lalaki na bayarin. I have 3 sisters: 2 college, isang junior high, all in private schools. Okay naman ako with helping out, may konting fear lang na maging retirement daughter pero that’s another problem for another day 🤣 ang iniisip ko nalang, better for my mom to reach out to me for help than keep ballooning our debts.
So this is the part where I would love to hear your thoughts.
Since my mom works at the hospital, free yung annual comprehensive checkups nya and when we need diagnostics & labs, free din kami. Kapag may hospitalizations, free din kasi sa govt naman. I had a surgery 3 years ago, pero since kilala ng mama ko yung ortho surgeon, na waive lang yung PF. Konti lang ata nabayadan. But I can’t help but wonder hanggang kailan tong ganitong safety net? I’m thankful for it but paano kung magretire na mama ko or anything that will stop us from accessing the free healthcare na dahil sa connections ng mom ko?
Gusto ko talaga magkaroon ng health insurance. Di ko pa ata afford buong pamilya ko (2 parents, 3 sisters) pero siguro the least I can include are my parents who are getting older na.
My question lang: in this whole process of starting to manage and build my money,

1. When should I get a health insurance? Do I build my EF first before saving up for an insurance or can I build my EF + save up and eventually pay for insurance?
2. What type of insurance should I get? I took the interactive flowchart and ended up with “get an HMO/health insurance” but I also want to hear your thoughts. Also read about life insurance but super confused pa ako sa difference, have to learn it pa.
3. Any recos for insurance na pwede ko isali parents ko?

Some few points lang siguro for you to help me out: - I will earn ~ 36k a month, di ko pa alam magkano max including benefits - I have philhealth, Mom has philheath and dependents pa yung 3 kong kapatid. Papa has philhealth pero parang di na nababayaran. - I’m relatively healthy, high cholesterol lang for now ang problem 😂 - Dad is prediabetic and scarily obese, very high risk for heart diseases. I feel like cancer is also prominent sa dad’s side ko. My lola had brain cancer, and a distant lola died of breast CA. - Mom’s side ko prevalent ang heart diseases and Diabetes. Mom currently has an abnormal ecg reading, hypertensive, and high in cholesterol.
Kung hindi pa obvious, I’m really all new to this. As much as I love my parents, they really did so bad taking care of their money and ayoko magaya sakanila. Please help me out.
Thank you!

I used to use PrimeVue with their free template Sakai.
Well, turned out knowing CSS and being able to design anything are 2 different things.
Hence the question, anyone knows some decent admin template that is based on Tailwind?

Looking for some like-minded people who are very welcoming to all walks of life. I am a very open-minded person, accepting of all people. I am a gaymer who may eventually try streaming, but for now I just want to find nice people to try some games with. Maybe make a discord server or something so everyone can invite friends and we can all be friends. I mostly play horror and survival games on the PC with the occasional Strategy game. I also own a switch for some games. Feel free to drop me a link if you are interested in playing with me.
Some games that I have been playing recently include 7 days to die, lethal company, content warning, genshin impact, raft and plateup!
I have a ton more, I’m also down to do some tabletop with some people.

In high school the teacher of my Spanish class was very religious. She claimed to have been a nun before becoming a teacher and while she never had anything against non religious students or ever tried to force her beliefs on us she absolutely refused to allow anyone to say the word, “hell.”
Now my school was extremely tough on students swearing. You wouldn’t get detention for it, but most teachers would have you do something stupid like write a list of 40 words you could have used instead and read it to the class. Personally, I’ve always thought: would you rather a bunch of emotionally unstable, stressed, and hormonally induced teenagers vent their frustrations through substance abuse and violence, or would you rather them vent by making a noise with their mouth, but I digress. Hell is one of the few words most teachers let slide, so it was a little annoying to have this 1 class where the only vent word I had was forbidden.
She always gave you a verbal warning first where she’d scream, “DON’T SAY HELL!” At you. So, being the rebellious little shit that I was, I concocted a plan. I sat down in her class and waited a few minutes before I dropped a, “What the hell?” She screamed, “DON’T SAY HELL!” I proceeded to reply in my teenage sarcasm voice, “Oh I’m sorry! What I meant to say was; what in Satan’s glorious name!?” Everyone laughed and she just stared at me wide eyed like a deer in headlights. She had me wait in the hall and I eventually had to sit down with the principal and my guidance counselor (the most wonderful man I’ve ever met who stopped me from taking my life). Lucky for me the principal was a total kitten and found what I said funny so he let me off the hook on the grounds that I didn’t technically say anything forbidden and just asked I not do it again.
Funny thing about that teacher; turns out she was never a nun. She confessed just before my class graduated. No idea why she lied about it.

Hello everyone. My only request is that you try to be nice.
I (28 F) am in a poly relationship with my BF (20 M) and my GF (23 F). Bf and gf are in a side relationship with another gf, we'll call her OGF. BF and GF have been in a relationship for 2 years and I only joined recently (About 3 months ago). GF ended up moving in with OGF a couple of months ago.
From the stories I have been told from GF and my brother and from my own personal experiences with OGF, I have come to realize that OGF is controlling to a toxic degree and I feel very strongly about it. According to GF herself, OGF gives very stern warnings for everything, especially about how GF treats OGF's dog, who, in accordance to brother, is treated better than GF. He learned this from things GF has told him directly.
I have decided to support GF with the help of BF and brother. We recently told GF that if she wanted things to change, she needed to stand up to OGF and stand her ground. For context, GF is essentially a doormat. In verbal altercations, she tends to back down whenever her opponent shows any degree more fight than her. I am concerned that OGF is walking all over GF and GF is just letting it happen, knowingly, because she doesn't feel like she can do anything about it.
I am trying to help her be able to stand up on her own and we got in a fight recently where I told her to grow a spine after listening to her talk about how she hadn't eaten but didn't want to eat because she was afraid of making too much noise and waking up OGF. GF then yelled at me, saying it was similar to something brother said after an argument they had, saying it was condescending.
AITA for telling GF she needs to grow a spine and take care of herself?
Edit:
GF, BF, and I live in three separate states though we have talked about getting a place together. Since I'm still fairly new to the dynamic, those talks have been few and far between.

I'm aware that landlords can add riders to a lease template for more conditions etc. - the easiest way is through a lawyer but I'm wondering if I can add riders myself. Is there a template that riders must follow and does it need to be in legalese? Or can it literally be any kind of free-form text that gets appended to the lease, as long as it specifically states it's a Lease Rider?

I work for a very small LLC. I have yet to be officially told the company is done but there seems to be mounting signs of it. The issue is I have around 4 weeks of back pay that they are refusing to pay me. I'm not the only one, I've talked to another employee and they too haven't been paid and our employer is not responding to any messages. Did we all really just work all that time for free?

This is the second megathread for the current ongoing conflict between HYBE and ADOR, which is both directly and indirectly related to NewJeans. Part 1 is linked here. We will continue to update this thread as relevant articles and news about this topic pertaining to NewJeans and their label ADOR are released. Feel free to contribute in the comments below if/when new updates are released. Thank you for understanding!
Please engage in civil discussions. We don't want to have to hand hold you and tell you what is right and what is wrong. This is your online space. Please make it safe for yourself and for others. Report any incivil comments should they occur and we will get to them as soon as possible and hand out disciplinary actions accordingly.
Relevant Articles:

• 240422 Soompi: HYBE Initiates Audit Of ADOR's Management Including CEO Min Hee Jin
  
• 240422 Soompi: ADOR Responds To HYBE's Audit With Statement Involving ILLIT And NewJeans
  
• 240422 Korea JoongAng Daily: NewJeans comeback will proceed as planned, despite HYBE-ADOR drama
  
• 240425 Korea JoongAng Daily: HYBE to report ADOR CEO Min Hee-jin to police
  
• 240425 Korea JoongAng Daily: ADOR CEO Min Hee-jin to hold press conference at 3 p.m.
  
• 240425 Korea JoongAng Daily: LIVE UPDATES — ADOR CEO Min Hee-jin press conference
  
• 240425 Soompi: HYBE Announces NewJeans's Activities Will Continue As Planned + To Take Legal Action For Malicious Posts Against Members
  
• 240425 Soompi: HYBE Releases Statement In Response To ADOR CEO Min Hee Jin's Press Conference
  
• 240429 Korea JoongAng Daily: ADOR rejects HYBE's demand for board meeting, calls request 'illegal'
  
• 240503 Soompi: ADOR Releases In-Depth Statement In Response To HYBE's Stance
  
• 240510 Soompi: Min Hee Jin Releases Statement About Audit Of ADOR Employee + HYBE Responds
  
• 240513 Soompi: NewJeans Members’ Parents Letter Speaking Out Against HYBE Revealed
  
• 240513 Soompi: HYBE Releases Statement About Email Reportedly Sent By Parents Of NewJeans
  

This is a genuine question for TJM employees. I have 11 month old twins and for the last few months have not been able to shop or try on clothing in store. Recently I purchased around $400 worth of new clothing on tjmaxx.com (so that I could try on some clothes at home while my twins are asleep) but returned all of them because of sizing. Its a little embarrassing but as a new mom, I am unsure of my size now so was unable to find something that fit well. The manager that approved the return kind of gave me a big stink about returning so many items. She asked me why I was returning them so I did apologize and told her that unfortunately none of the items fit well. She didn’t say anything after that but overall it wasn’t a very positive experience. As a note, the items were well within the 30 day return window + with a receipt.
My question is: does the store take a loss or is it bad for the store if one shops online and then returns the items in store? It’s incredibly freeing as a mom to be able to try on clothes at home but am I missing something thats detrimental for the stores if I do this?
Thank you so much in advance!

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
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FFR-31MD Super Sylph B-503 "Yukikaze" (source)
No, this isn't a magical girl show. You're thinking of Tiny Snow Fairy Sugar.
Why I want to host a rewatch
"A boy and his plane"
Battle Fairy Yukikaze has lived rent-free in my head for 20 years. It is a (partial) adaptation of the story collection Yukikaze (1984) and the sequel Good Luck, Yukikaze (1999). The novels have been described as excellent hard-sf exploring the relationship between man and machine. The anime is a quiet, introspective, contemplative....inscrutable mess?
The best comparison I can think of is Boogiepop Phantom, a gift to source readers but utterly opaque to anime-onlies. Which I loved, and I purchased, but I had to read the entire Boogiepop and Others wiki to understand. I never really understood anything about Yukikaze until I watched the video linked below. This is isn't an adaptation of the source. It's an animated companion piece, of portions of the story.
Even though the show makes no sense to me, I'd still love to share it with other sci-fi and mecha (mechanical) fans. And I really hope some source readers can come in and explain it all. Because people love explaining stuff.
Story
An inter-dimensional portal has opened over Antarctica. Invaders called JAM attacked without warning. They were forced back through the portal to their homeworld of Fairy. An expeditionary force was sent through the portal to establish a beachhead on Fairy, to secure the planet and guard against another invasion.
The main character is Lt. Rei Fukai (Masato Sakai), a member of the Special Air Force "Boomerang" Reconnaissance Squadron, who flies the AI-equipped FFR-31MD Super Sylph "Yukikaze". The squadron is commanded by Maj. James Bukhar (Joji Nakata) whose orders are "always return home".
The show, or at least, its source material, explores the relationship between man, machine, and alien.
Show Background
Sentou Yousei Yukikaze was a big deal for Gonzo and Bandai Visual: It was the 20th Anniversary Production of Bandia Visual. If you've been in other sci-fi rewatches, then you've seen Gonzo's own anniversary productions, and similar marquee efforts:

• Blue Submarine No. 6 (Gonzo 5th anniversary) (1998)
• Full Metal Panic (2002)
• Last Exile (Gonzo 10th anniversary) (2003)
• Sentou Yousei Yukikaze (Bandai Visual 20th Anniversary) (2002-2005)
• Gankutsuou (2005)

Yes, there will be CGI. We're slowly chronically Gonzo's evolving love of CGI, for better or for worse.
At only 5 episodes, Yukikaze was released at the almost ludicrous pace of one episode 1 year (except for episode 2). This didn't make it any easier to understand.
There were additional sequels written in the later 2000s, so I don't know if the anime ending is anime original, or if these sequels need to be considered to understand the older content.
This show was clearly made by people who love modern jet fighter craft, and lovingly crafted new fictitious aircraft as detailed as any Kawamori design. From the video below, here we have the crew visiting a JASDF base to collect sound effect, get up close to the equipment and avionics, and experience take-off and landing forces, first hand.
Rewatch Details
Unusual for this sub, but with a recent precedent set, I'm proposing a rewatch with source readers welcomed to explain the missing context in each episode as it airs. Each episode discussion will read "Yukikaze Rewatch Source Spoiler Episode X" and only future content need be tagged. The final discussion is open discussion. meta post
At only 5 episodes, it shouldn't be hard to fit in with other rewatches, but I haven't settled on a date. Suggestions welcomed (required).

Day	Content
0	48 h reminder
1	47 minutes
2	28 minutes
3	30 minutes
4	30 minutes
5	48 minutes
-	(watch extras)
7	Series Discussion

Legal Sources: Tubi TV and Tubi repackagers Tubi (dubbed) Tubi (subbed)
Extras:
Behind the Scenes Making of Video Explaining Yukikaze Fighting Fairy Girl Rescue Me: Mave-chan

TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING ⛔️ ⚠️
SPEAKING ON SENSITIVE TOPICS AND ADD*****n
AITA: so to give some context. I have a friend from early high school. We have been friends sense we were 14 or so. We made friends over a guy cheating on us, he had slept with her, and I around our sophomore year and cheated on me. Ever since we were inseparable. There were a few instances, though where it seemed like she was purposefully, trying to go out for people that I would date. Fast forward to adulthood. We both struggled with Opat dependency. She had told me she was sober and came to visit, but indeed was not. At this time I was sober. And just early in my recovery.
I had a entire 6 month set back. Absolutely made my life worst. And of course part of that is my own actions aswell. Falling into peer pressure and temptation. And during this time she had convinced me to allow her to live in our spare room. Eventually she randomly disappears with some guy for days on end, and refuses to respond to me. We pack all her stuff up and when we’re packing I find a note she wrote to my fiancé (now husband) about how she felt she wouldn’t be able to control herself around him and found it very tempting but wrapped it up with “I hope she’s okay”.
This was a immediate kick out as u can imagine. We talked it out, as she’s halfway across the states now claiming to be getting help and reuniting with her son. But here’s the issue, she asked me a few weeks ago to come pick her up from the airport because she has to fight a case in my state. She told me to pick her up Tuesday night at 8 PM. And then in the weeks following messages me and lets me know that’s she’s talking to my baby daddy, “just as friends though”…. (He b*at me up when we broke up🤦🏼‍♀️) . I drop it and say whatever that’s just her atp.
I get to sitting around thinking and start to feel like I’m being used a bit. I’ve offered for her to stay in my house in the past, and I felt like she tempted my sobriety and used me, along with tried to fk my husband. she got involved with one of my best friends, and he ended up dying from an ose, and I feel like that’s where some resentment is lying as well. He was only 20 and never had d* interests before hand.
She messaged me today and said that she’s coming today at 9 PM. I asked her well I thought you were coming on Tuesday and she said no she was coming Monday (after weeks of saying Tuesday?) ¿? She wants me to drive her two hours to her court date. which was was let known late aswell. Here’s the thing…. I feel like I’m going to be manipulated. She hasn’t told me where she’s going to stay or how she plans to get there other than saying she just wanted me to pick her up from the airport. She claimed to be sober and have gas money.
Combining all these experiences together I started to feel more and more sick today about having to pick her up. I’ve worked HARD to stay sober and I don’t feel comfortable opening that door. I also don’t feel comfortable not having any plan whatsoever other than “I’m suppose to pick her up” and I feel majorly uncomfortable with the fact that A. IF she was sober her family could pick her up and B. She couldn’t even accurately give me the dates she was flying in which makes me think she is using.
I didn’t pick her up. I blocked her in fact. But now I feel like a dick head leading her on that I was going to pick her up. But she did claim to have gas money which is uber, bus, or other ride money. So it’s not like she’s stranded stranded. But in the whole grand scheme of things, I feel like I’m protecting my peace and my household. My husband and I JUST got married yesterday and she’s wanting to come in our house or catch a ride with us during my honeymoon. I just dont feel okay about this situation at all tbh. I feel bad, but I don’t in a sense because I’m protecting my household, my self, my husband, my kids. But I do feel like a AH.
Idk. My sponsor always tells me it’s a hard feeling to put a boundary down but ur never in the wrong for protecting yourself. But idk.
In the grand scheme of things I just can’t over look all of this. I think of my friend who ov** do**** with her everyday. He’s gone. He will never get his life back. And my babies need their mom. But I’ve also been that human that’s needed help…. A extra reach. A uplift.
So AITA?
Feel free to give it to me, i lowkey feel shitty for not picking her up because I said I would. But yk the human brain.
EDIT: I’ve edited this and censored every possible word that could be offensive or triggering.

TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING ⛔️ ⚠️
SPEAKING ON SENSITIVE TOPICS AND ADD*****n
F 24 M 26 F 21 M 20
AITA: so to give some context. I have a friend from early high school. We have been friends sense we were 14 or so. We made friends over a guy cheating on us, he had slept with her, and I around our sophomore year and cheated on me. Ever since we were inseparable. There were a few instances, though where it seemed like she was purposefully, trying to go out for people that I would date. Fast forward to adulthood. We both struggled with Opat dependency. She had told me she was sober and came to visit, but indeed was not. At this time I was sober. And just early in my recovery.
I had a entire 6 month set back. Absolutely made my life worst. And of course part of that is my own actions aswell. Falling into peer pressure and temptation. And during this time she had convinced me to allow her to live in our spare room. Eventually she randomly disappears with some guy for days on end, and refuses to respond to me. We pack all her stuff up and when we’re packing I find a note she wrote to my fiancé (now husband) about how she felt she wouldn’t be able to control herself around him and found it very tempting but wrapped it up with “I hope she’s okay”.
This was a immediate kick out as u can imagine. We talked it out, as she’s halfway across the states now claiming to be getting help and reuniting with her son. But here’s the issue, she asked me a few weeks ago to come pick her up from the airport because she has to fight a case in my state. She told me to pick her up Tuesday night at 8 PM. And then in the weeks following messages me and lets me know that’s she’s talking to my baby daddy, “just as friends though”…. (He b*at me up when we broke up🤦🏼‍♀️) . I drop it and say whatever that’s just her atp.
I get to sitting around thinking and start to feel like I’m being used a bit. I’ve offered for her to stay in my house in the past, and I felt like she tempted my sobriety and used me, along with tried to fk my husband. she got involved with one of my best friends, and he ended up dying from an ose, and I feel like that’s where some resentment is lying as well. He was only 20 and never had d* interests before hand.
She messaged me today and said that she’s coming today at 9 PM. I asked her well I thought you were coming on Tuesday and she said no she was coming Monday (after weeks of saying Tuesday?) ¿? She wants me to drive her two hours to her court date. which was was let known late aswell. Here’s the thing…. I feel like I’m going to be manipulated. She hasn’t told me where she’s going to stay or how she plans to get there other than saying she just wanted me to pick her up from the airport. She claimed to be sober and have gas money.
Combining all these experiences together I started to feel more and more sick today about having to pick her up. I’ve worked HARD to stay sober and I don’t feel comfortable opening that door. I also don’t feel comfortable not having any plan whatsoever other than “I’m suppose to pick her up” and I feel majorly uncomfortable with the fact that A. IF she was sober her family could pick her up and B. She couldn’t even accurately give me the dates she was flying in which makes me think she is using.
I didn’t pick her up. I blocked her in fact. But now I feel like a dick head leading her on that I was going to pick her up. But she did claim to have gas money which is uber, bus, or other ride money. So it’s not like she’s stranded stranded. But in the whole grand scheme of things, I feel like I’m protecting my peace and my household. My husband and I JUST got married yesterday and she’s wanting to come in our house or catch a ride with us during my honeymoon. I just dont feel okay about this situation at all tbh. I feel bad, but I don’t in a sense because I’m protecting my household, my self, my husband, my kids. But I do feel like a AH.
Idk. My sponsor always tells me it’s a hard feeling to put a boundary down but ur never in the wrong for protecting yourself. But idk.
In the grand scheme of things I just can’t over look all of this. I think of my friend who ov** do**** with her everyday. He’s gone. He will never get his life back. And my babies need their mom. But I’ve also been that human that’s needed help…. A extra reach. A uplift.
So AITA?
Feel free to give it to me, i lowkey feel shitty for not picking her up because I said I would. But yk the human brain.
EDIT: I’ve edited this and censored every possible word that could be offensive or triggering. I got in some dokie in a different group for my words so that’s why it’s so censored

I just got fired from a major corporation. I’ve been a pharmacy technician since October 2021. I’m near Charlotte, NC. USA
I can fill in more details as needed. I feel like so much has happened during my time with this company, I’m not even really sure which parts of the story are relevant.
But to start, I was at a store that didn’t have a store manager for 6 months and I was having issues getting hours, support, literally any paperwork being done because my pharmacy manager (pharmacist in charge, RXM) did not like me. We were understaffed, there was a ton of drama. I had spoken to the district manager (DM) about my issues several times and finally after a technician lashed out and threw some filling totes and some bagged prescriptions at me and another technician, I called him after work and told him I no longer felt safe and wouldn’t be returning to work until he handled the situation.
I help out at other stores all the time and one of the stores I help out offered me to transfer. Additionally, right after I left pretty much everyone quit, I was not the only person with issues at that store. After that situation, since I was already starting the process of transferring, instead of waiting two more weeks I immediately went to the new store. During this time I had started the process for ADA accommodations through HR and with my doctor.
The week I started at the new store, I sat down with the pharmacy tech manager (RXOM) and the store manager (SM). This probably should have been my first red flag, but the SM basically asked something along the lines of why he should let me transfer because it sounds like I had a lot of problems at the old store. So upon starting at this specific store, I disclosed issues I have socially due to my disability and stated that I needed clear communication because I do not pick up on hints or subtleties and that I needed clear feedback when I have made a mistake or in a situation where I upset someone. I also disclosed that I would need additional assistance in tense situations with customers and coworkers. I explained there was a lot of drama and pettiness at my old pharmacy and that I inadvertently caused a lot of issues because I was oblivious to it. The SM basically decided that it didn’t sound like an issue to be clear and concise and kind of guide me through situations that come up. He assured me I could talk to him anytime. I was repeatedly ignored when I requested aid in those situations. And then if the outcome was less than satisfactory, I was punished. The tech manager became my support needs liaison, but the store and assistant manager refused to accommodate me. The tech manager actually got a lot of crap for trying to help me. I have a disability that can affect the way I am perceived by other people and speaking to people about it usually helps clear up any problems. I was not given an opportunity to do this. I thought I was protecting myself my disclosing my needs and weaknesses.
So at this store a few things happened with different people all at once and the store became short staffed. I started helping out a lot, staying late when I could, picking up shifts even though I had to find extra childcare. The pharmacy manager quit a few weeks after I got there, a few technicians quit or drastically reduced their hours, a couple people went on leave. So the ESM (assistant store manager) started helping out in the pharmacy more, mostly with filling prescriptions. I was warned before she started helping out that she was really prickly and if I had any issues that I could talk to the RXOM. There were a few things that came up and he told me that I wasn’t misconstruing things, to just ignore her.
And then came a day where we had a ton of call outs, my RXOM wasn’t in that day and the SM had left. It was Christmas eve weekend. So the pharmacy was gonna be closed the next day. So we were extremely short staffed, extremely busy and the phones were insane. The ESM started out the day basically complaining to us about how nothing was done, it was a mess, etc etc. I wouldn’t even call it passive aggressive. She was outright threatening and saying she would definitely be telling the RXM and SM about how incompetent we were, how out of hand everything was.
There was an incident with a customer, he was yelling at me because I went to lunch before helping him and instead of letting me handle it, the ESM jumped in without really even getting a handle on what was happening. I got written up for the way I spoke to the patient and how I handled the situation with the ESM because I had stepped over to the floater pharmacist and when asked I explained the situation. She told the story as me mumbling under my breath and complaining and carrying on. The rest of the day was pretty much the same, her carrying on about how useless we were and at one point she said it was a mess and that we (the techs) would be staying after to clean it up. I was slightly irritated that she told me I had to rather than asking, especially because the mess was from the days previous, from other techs, etc. It just had been a hectic few days, with short staff. I knew how she was though so I just decided I would stay. Right before we closed, she told me she wanted to speak to me. I had assumed she was going to give us a game plan for how to clean up quickly so we could go. I went over to her after we closed and she started to tear into me for disrespecting her and then noticed I wasn’t making eye contact. It had been a long day and I was feeling really overwhelmed. She made a big deal about it and I told her I couldn’t make eye contact with her because I have a disability but assured her I was listening to her. She went back and forth with me a few times basically trying to force me to look her in the eyes or I was disrespecting her. She ended up saying that she couldn’t speak to me if I wasn’t going to look her in the eyes when she spoke to me. I took this as a dismissal, so part of my write up was for insubordination because I left and refused to have a conversation with her. I reported the incident to HR, briefly spoke with them and thought that was the end of it.
Well shortly after, she started being extremely short with me, very dramatically avoidant like when I walked in the pharmacy would say things like “that’s my cue to leave”. If she asked for help out loud, if I tried to help her she would tell me she didn’t want my help and she would get someone else. I tried not to let it bother me but it definitely stressed me out over time. The few times I did help her, she would throw whatever she was working on down and storm from the pharmacy muttering that she would tell SM about whatever, usually swearing. I asked the other managers what I was doing wrong and was never given any answers. Or guidance. I brought it up a few times and was always brushed off. That never really ended.
An important detail is that the schedule was consistently put out on Wednesdays, usually evenings and our week started on Thursdays. Our weeks run Thursdays-Wednesdays.
There were a few other small issues, I had talked to the managers about issues with scheduling and basically just got constantly brushed off. I had agreed to a general schedule of opens and mids and every other Sunday when I transferred and they weren’t able to accommodate it anymore, they started scheduling me all over the place, closes, several weekends in a row. This made childcare difficult especially with short notice because daycare has set hours. When I got my first warning about tardiness, I brought this up and was accused of blaming everyone else for my tardiness and told to have some accountability.
By this point, I dreaded going to work when the SM or ESM was there. I would get so anxious, I would be physically sick, throwing up, gastro issues, migraines. I was constantly in a state of overstimulation. Again, I asked for help and got blown off.
So in February there was an incident that led up to me requesting short term leave. My son had a minor medical issue that I took him to the doctor for, she made an appointment for the following Thursday at an eye doctor at 8:15am. I told my RXOM I couldn’t work Thursday, he ended up scheduling me to close. 12-9. I called out around 9am after getting to my son’s appointment and learning he had to do some tests for underlying issues including being dilated. He’s 3 so I needed to be with him because he was really disoriented. We finished around 4pm and my RXOM had texted me several times for updates telling me other people called out and they really needed me. I told him that my son needed me and he basically begged me to come in for a few hours to close. I finally relented and got there around 5-6 and stayed until close. No one said anything to me, so I didn’t think anything of it. A few weeks go by and on February 19, I was called into the office for a meeting with the SM and RXOM and received a write up for being 5 hours late that day. If I would have just left it as a call out, there would be no disciplinary action because I had not used any yet for the year. This was incredibly frustrating and the way it was presented was really overwhelming. I told them I was getting overwhelmed and would like to step out, the SM continued to talk down to me. I was getting increasingly agitated, my stims were getting faster and I started to rock back and forth, beginning to have an autistic meltdown. The SM told me I needed to calm down, tried to get me to speak to him while I was shutting down and just kept scolding me, I honestly don’t even know what he was saying by this point. I told the RXOM I needed to step out and I walked out of the office next door to the break room to turn on the sink and I just completely shut down, I crawled under the counter in the break room and had a complete shutdown/meltdown. My muscles locked up, I was crying and rocking back and forth and covering my ears and had my arms over my eyes, all stimulation was bothering me. The RXOM came to check on me and saw me having a meltdown and that I was unable to communicate so he pulled my file and called my emergency contact and basically just told him I was melting down and I was under the sink and needed to be picked up.
My partner came to get me, we left my car, I went home and calmed down and then called my company’s HR and put a request in for short term medical leave. My doctor had been urging me to do this for over 6 months. I texted my RXOM and SM asking what I should do next and heard nothing so I reported to work on 2/20. Upon arriving, the guest pharmacist notified me we had a call out. After everyone arrived, I asked who the call out was and the ESM, pharmacist and other techs didn’t know. The SM was not there. The RXOM wasn’t answering my texts. An hour into my shift, the RXOM told me that they were told my leave was approved and I wouldn’t be there. I asked what to do and got nothing in response.
During my lunch break on 2/20/24, I received a call on my personal phone from HR outlining my short term leave and giving me instruction on paperwork. They verified leave was supposed to start 2/19 and I explained no one answered me so I reported to work. She told me she would have to change my leave to go into effect starting 2/21.
Fast forward, my leave ends 5/8/24, and I had not heard anything beyond communication with HR about it ending. I text my RXM and tell him I am returning to work and ask what my next steps are. He replies late evening and tells me to reach out to SM and I tell him I will in the morning. The next morning, I receive a text with my name written in and highlighted, I’m not scheduled for the first few days (Thursday-Sunday) and I’m scheduled Monday-Wednesday. So I go in for my scheduled shift on 5/13/24. During my leave, my RXOM and a bunch of technicians quit. We gained a full time staff pharmacist and a couple technicians. I get there at 10:00 and I work until 12:00 (so for two hours) and I’m called into the office with the SM and RXM and told the SM told me that I received a final written warning for insubordination and tardiness so they decided to terminate my employment due to my continued insubordination and job abandonment and because a member of management complained about my attitude. He went on to say that he contacted HR and reported that I had an “episode” and walked away from him when he was trying to communicate with me and resolve a conflict which was the insubordination and then after my “episode” I went home instead of finishing my shift. Despite putting my leave in the day it happened, because the date of leave was changed, the day I left early wasn’t covered under FMLA.
So far, I have submitted a request to the EEOC, but their first available appointment was 11/4/24. I was not in a state to call lawyers today, but I filled out a couple online forms for Employment Discrimination lawyers that had online contact forms. Immediately after being terminated, I went to my car and logged into the employee portal and downloaded all of my available paystubs and the documented disciplinary action sheets. There wasn’t one for termination, I asked my SM how I would obtain that information and he told me to contact HR. I have some screenshots from text message communication mostly asking the RXOM for help with conflicts, but the SM would really only talk to me in the office.
I’m looking for advice on what to do next. I am feeling pretty overwhelmed. Obviously, I am going to work on my resume and start applying to jobs, but beyond that I’m not really sure what to do next. Any advice is appreciated. Even if it’s to tell me that I’m in the wrong. If you read my novel, thank you. <3
TLDR; I have autism and I was bullied into having a meltdown and then fired after returning from short term medical leave for going home early. I feel like they were looking for reasons to fire me as retaliation for reporting the ESM to HR.