Quotes on not knowing what to say

He broke up with me less than a month after I made that post… found out that he was talking to his friends and family about me, basically I am not good enough for him and my only redeeming quality is that I am pretty, he kept comparing me to his ex best friend and saying that he needs to find someone like her that’s attractive like me…
Right after I made that post he started avoiding me, refusing to sleep in the same bed as me so I was sleeping on the floor and couch, if I refused to not sleep elsewhere he would go sleep in his sons room in his bed.
Because of all of this I started trying to make arrangements to move out but then all of a sudden that wasn’t what he wanted? He practically begged me to not leave. He was still avoiding me though.
Around March he started to “warm up” to me again. He wouldn’t really talk to me about anything though, still single.
It’s now May, I am still single and he still is telling me “no” when I try to open up conversation to “officially” end things (we are basically a situationship, good enough to fuck but not good enough to be with romantically)
This whole thing has brought me so much emotional turmoil, I’ve tried to be understanding but I have a lot of resentment and I don’t think there’s any fixing that can be done.
Ya’ll, I’m so sad. Things were so perfect until they weren’t. I don’t think my self esteem has ever been brought this low by the hands of someone else. He hates everything about me and I got to read it all, he compares me to every non-family female in his life and guess what, they’re all better than me. But he won’t let go of me? Part of the reason I am still living with him and haven’t pulled the plug is because of how he is going to react. I can barely handle my emotions as of right now, I don’t know if I’d be able to follow through when he has a meltdown over it (I know he will, he’s done it before) I’ve honestly have thought about just leaving while he is at work, changing my number, and blocking him everywhere else so I can move on.
I have tried to get into therapy, places want a referral but then when I get one they aren’t offering what I’m needing (which is crazy to me, I was just seeking out basic talk therapy nothing specialized), if they don’t require a referral they aren’t returning my calls. Things are really bad right now.
I know this sub is for people with ROCD but I have no one to talk or vent to. Don’t feel obligated to respond either, it is welcomed if you choose to. I just need to get things out I guess, for some reason it feels better than just writing in my notes app.

Idk if anyone is even gonna see this but I have hit the biggest wall in my entire life and I'm actually so annoyed rn. I'm 17, 18 soon and I'm currently sitting my A-level/CAPE for sciences and communication studies (unit 1). I was fixated on going to medical school because I was thinking "Damn, sciences are so hard and I struggle with them especially cause I have such horrible memory, but I love learning all 3 of them and I like the challenge plus I'm passing" you get me? So I was saying I wouldn't wanna do all this, put in all this hard work (to me, its probably light work to someone else but idc bout them) to just stop at being a nurse, cause everyone is in my damn ears about being a nurse nurse nurse NO!!! I wanna go down a career path that'll be worth this hard work and I think that's fair. So I did some research and saw if there were any type of doctor that I was interested in and anesthesiology caught my attention and I was interested in It, so you know I continue to do deep research surrounding anesthesiology and those stuff to just know more about what's going on and I decide aight, imma do this!!!
So now I'm looking for schools cause I plan ahead, FAR ahead. And I see my 3 options....well 2, cause 1 of them is like half way across the country. So I check out my other two options right??? So option one is UWI faculty of medicine and I'm gonna admit that schools reputation is looking mad good which is good but it's so EXPENSIVE !!!! And i know medical school won't be cheap but oh my lord, so yeah I looked into school 2 and it's CSMSJ but they're weird, I tried calling and got nothing, emailing and got nothing and the aren't frequent with their posting on social media (to give options) so I was skeptical and my mom was too so I was telling my bf about how the school is weird and he looked into and said it seems they aren't so authentic cause their reviews are AI generated so I was REALLY bummed out.
So my home country is kinda wack with how the do things, so I'd have to go overseas to further my education anyway. So I was thinking...again, why not find a school in Canada that has a M.D program, offers residency in anesthesia and so on so forth. And I was then again researching, but schools this time with a distance limit. My boyfriend lives in Winniepeg so I'd have to stay close to there cause I'd be staying with him and his family if this was gonna work right??? But oh my goodness the amount of heartbreak I went through during this process is actually unfathomable. So there's 17 and 7 don't accept international students for medicine SPECIFICALLY and ig I can understand why-ish (btw one of these schools was University of Manitoba), and the others like University of Toronto and that one in Quebec is too far but they do accept international students, and today I found out about another one; University of Calgary and I thought they accepted international studies for medicine but then I'm seeing that they don't and now I'm a bit confused about that so I just set it aside for now.
Mhm...so going back to my home country, I'd probably have to go to UWI cause its literally the only option now, idc if its expensive but ik who will. My parents, they had not a single penny of college funds saved up for this moment, they make very poor financial situations and now the bank accounts are running dry, so I have to think about that too. I really do not know what to do cause sure I could go there but how wouldi complete my residency? Maybe they'd (a canadian med school) accept me then cause I'd actually have some qualifications [UWI offers a Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery program (M.B.B.S) and its 5 years full time and I think they have a pre med too that's Bachelor of Basic Medical Sciences (BBMedSci) and its for 3 years full time]. I would look into other schools in other regions but idk anyone from the US (family member I mean probably would have to ask mom or smtg) and I have my grandma in the UK so ig I could think of there too.
I just want someone, anyone, whether with experience or not I just wanna know what to do because all I do and know is sciences, I did some business and Information Technology too but those aren't at A-level, so I would prefer to do a occupation which requires sciences. My bf was telling me maybe I just have to switch career paths bc this is a veeerryy long process that will require money that I don't even have, I'll admit I got a bit upset with him because he's basically telling me to give up now, I mean whatever I haven't actually started but I was prepared and I was ready and now it's all these different problems popping one after the other and maybe I should listen to him and just do something else apart from obtaining generational debt. Idk and I just wanna get this figured out before it eats me alive !!! Please help, what should I do???

So...
I like games and play on Xbox and PlayStation. Helldivers 2 is my go-to at the moment. I enjoy shooters and action games and the occasional city builder or rts on pc.
I like cooking and so far I haven't gotten sick or made someone else sick so you can say I'm like the Gordon Ramsay of cooking something edible. I do look at recipes in terror and sometimes actually cook them.
Was a huge reader until the fire nation blessed me with sudden ADD or HD or 8k or whatever. Still have the Dune sequels to read. Big warhammer 40k novel enjoyer too.
I like coffee too.
I also don't mind sharing selfies. Not a creep. I do say stupid things cause I have the humor of a 12 year old. Also dark humor. I'm what they call a goofy goober. So yeah. Hit me up. Ask questions if you want to know anything else.

This is a throw away account as I have something that is weighing heavy on me and I just need to get it out there.
I am married and was in an affair with someone else who was married for 10 months. We were completely committed to trying to make it work until… he wasn’t. He kept doing this yo-yo thing where he would be madly in love with me one day, and then he would be completely cold and distant the next.
This started off gradually where the good moments were longer than the bad and it was bearable. Until the good moments lasted a couple days and the bad for weeks at a time until finally no contact for days at a time.
I told him early on that if he was serious about us I’d leave my marriage and be with him. He told me he could never leave his life. It was something I had to accept or move on. I accepted it.
When things were good they were really really good. But man did he put me through so much pain. I treated him like a king and gave him all the best mes I could. I was basically living to please him. I wanted him to know he was worth loving… because he didn’t necessarily get that at home.
He had broken things off with me and I him a handful of times. But we would still chat and we would fall into old habits and whatnot again and get back together. Same song and dance every time.
Until a couple days ago. He breaks things off. Says it isn’t me but his guilt that’s building up. He wants to be with me but when he’s with me he feels bad for it. I make him happy but he’s miserable for being happy. It’s the typical cliche it’s not you it’s me. And I want to believe it. But I can’t.
He has decided to break all contact with me though we still have to interact at work professionally. Sure, ok, fine.
But he’s on Reddit commenting on girls selfies and half naked pics… but he doesn’t feel guilty about that?
I feel so heart broken because I loved this man with all my being and I just get used and thrown away. At least that’s how it feels. I risked everything I’ve built to be with him. And for what? To be left without a best friend. To be completely disposed of.
I’m disgusted by him. And I want to hate him. But I keep gravitating back to him. Seeing when he was last online. Checking his Reddit activity. Everything I do leads me back to thoughts of him and I just need to move on from this thing that happened that never should have in the first place.
But I can’t. I do love him 😔 like the title says, self inflicted.

I’ve been posting a lot on here about how my ex fiancé who I was with for 3.5 years left me after cheating on me.
I haven’t been taking it well it’s been almost 4 months since I’ve seen her and since mid March NC
Since it all happened, I’ve gone from weighing 195 lbs to 160 lbs I’m 5’8” so it’s a good thing and I’ve been able to run almost as fast and lift almost as much as I used to or more. I’ve been able to focus on myself more, signing up for more courses in the summer and fall and really moving forward with my career. I’ve felt more peace in my life…
….but I’ve still been heavily depressed. I miss her I miss her phone calls, good morning texts, her presence in my life has left a giant hole in my heart and spirit.
I guess it’s for the best because I have been forced to focus on myself and do better for myself, but my life plans involved her in everything and anytime I think of doing anything, I think of what she would think or how I’d do it with her..because I’ve been thinking that way for a long time.
I say thank you because I got a message saying that a “concerned redditor” reached out to someone about me thinking I’m not doing well…they’re right. I’m not doing well. But there isn’t anything anyone can do. I just need to vent and hearing truths, hopes, seeing that others are also in it like I am makes me feel not alone. Nothing fills the voids that she left in me, but that small gesture made me feel good that at least some people care.
I have friends I’ve known for decades and have stable healthy friendships, but none really know how to talk about my relationship because none of them have even been through something like this and they know that I’m not a quitter and I don’t just walk away…I need to understand why it all went wrong and where it went wrong. What I could have done better so I don’t make the same mistakes and how she is justified or not…I understand we’re all human.
Thank you

hey, just hope everyone is good. i guess im just here to rant and get other peoples personal opinions. please don’t judge me because at heart, i know i probably deserve better but —
im a 22M and i’ve been seeing this guy (35M and he’s a dl) since like october 2023 and ive known him since 2021. when we first linked, it was just a fwb type thing. i moved cities so we didn’t really talk as much but then i came back (and he happened to be getting out of jail) and we got closer than we’ve ever been. he also basically lives with me now. but anyway, we’ve been getting into petty (to him) arguments lately and i just don’t trust him anymore. he would do stuff like entertain girls via text then when i check him about it, he tells me that he’s not linking with any of them and i see where he’s at. he’s always with me and stuff like that. i told him that it still matters and then he proceeds to say stuff like “those are girls i talked to before we met. am i supposed to just not talk to them anymore?” and im just like ummm yesss??? he says the same way i have guy friends, he has girl friends and i get it but im not flirting with my friends nor have i had a history with my guy friends. anyway, he said he would stop but i know he’s lying. these past 2 days i feel like he’s been secretive on him phone. i notice that he goes straight to his home screen every time i get close enough to see his phone. it’s so irritating and it hurts my heart so bad bc i basically take care of this grown man and he can’t even be as loyal as i am to him. today, after i suspected he was being sneaky, i told him i need to take him home bc i have a lot of stuff to take care. he said okay, i took him home, and that was basically it. we haven’t spoken since. i feel like he could care less about me but i miss him sm even tho i made that choice. he is also an alcoholic like really bad and that’s something i deal with. i only deal with it because i love him but it’s honestly a lot to deal with. i feel so stupid letting an alcoholic man who is 10+ years older than me live under me and still not do right by me. i just cry a lot when we’re apart or at odds like i get so emotional behind him.
he’s also my first love and I’m so attached to him but sometimes I have a thought in the back of head thinking if he really loves me as much as i love him and if he’s taking advantage of me. he tells me he loves me and reassures but but idk if it’s all true. I also feel like if things don’t work out between us, i’ll never find someone like him again. he was very patient with me at times and actually dealt with me. I never had that before in life and i’d hate to lose it.
idk what my next steps should be. i don’t wanna lose him but it’s probably best but i don’t wanna be hurt and sobbing in my room all day and night like the last time we got into it

Hi everyone, long time lurker here and I have no friends to talk this out with so I really need some help. I’m pretty set on the fact I have to leave my long term bf if I’m ever going to be myself and happy. I’m a list girlie so please take a look and just say what comes to your mind because I feel like I’m losing mine trying to accept it. TIA Reasons I think I’m a lesbian: -my posters on the wall were always women unless it was a gay man -always just wanted to spend every minute of every day with my best friend in school even if I had a boyfriend,making up excuses to leave my bf’s house to go be with my bsf -feeling so protective over my best friends that no man even if they were a good person was good enough for them/didn’t know them as well as I do -always buying/making gifts for my girl friends but never feeling the urge to do that for boyfriends -crying when my friends would get a boyfriend -giving my friends lap dances like all the time -feeling weird and creepy being in the same changing room as the girls -always being very passionate and emotional about gay rights/arguing with people who were homophobic or even made slightly homophobic jokes -being able to have sex with men with no attachment at all but kissing a girl and being so overwhelmed with feelings that I got scared and distanced myself from her -not crying over boyfriends breaking up with me -not even crying when my ex bf cheated on me -recurring dream of getting married to a woman since I was a teenager -finding it so easy to flirt with men but getting very nervous and flustered and blushing talking to women even in a friendly way -choosing to have crushes on guys that the girls I liked had a crush on so we could talk about it together -having sex with men just because they wanted me and it felt nice to be desired by them/out of pity/to not seem like a bitch or a prude -crying for weeks when I found out my best friend was pregnant because when she would sleepover we would kiss each other so I like loved her and I didn’t realise she was just messing around -being overly sexual around men/talking a lot about loving dick and loving having sex with men because I felt the need to convince others -trying to convince my bf to have a threesome with a woman -secretly watching lesbian shows/movies/content creators -crying every time I saw a tiktok about lesbians getting married -being scared to even open tiktok in front of my bf -getting incredibly defensive every time my bf joked about me being a lesbian -noticing and being enamoured by pretty women in public but not even noticing men at alll -having to close my eyes during sex otherwise I cry -having to be stoned to have sex and having to smoke straight after sex to decompress -not wanting to be affectionate/cuddle/show pda with my boyfriend and being called ‘cold’ when I know I’m not that person -writing this list 5 times in the past 7 years

Hi everyone, To explain, I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. I love my girlfriend, this is our first adult relationship together, so a lot of these things were new to us during it. I don’t want to sound cocky but i’d like to think i’m a pretty handsome guy, and my girlfriend hates the fact that i’m attractive to other girls. She constantly compares herself to my exes and girls i’ve talked to in the past. Shes always been extremely jealous, she does not like me talking to other girls and or working with girls, constantly says i’m a flirt or that i have other gfs etc. Has told me that i’m probably hiding stuff from her or that I would cheat, Then she says it’s a joke which I know it’s not. She does not like me having any female friends either (which I don’t have any) and gets very upset if I do happen to talk to a female. She will full on ignore me and give me attitude and just be plain out disrespectful towards me as if I cheated on her. She also gets distant and bothered If I hang out with my guys for the night, even tho I never hit the bar or drink with them. One instance is I pulled up a famous singers page to play music, “you find her attractive don’t you?” I don’t answer this question because I know what it’s going to turn into and sure enough she starts probing and asking and asking and finally I just admitted. I had never seen her so upset, again she made it seem like I cheated on her she was furious. I kept trying to reassure her but she would push my arm away and say “ don’t touch me”. She ignored me for the whole night. I try to be as respectful as I can to her and respect our boundaries, but I feel like even that’s not enough
After that I snapped and really started to wonder what i’m doing wrong, and then I started to ask if it is even my fault ? Is this really what I want for myself? Now I’m here wondering if this behavior is normal in a relationship. I’ve never had a long term relationship up until this one so I wouldn’t know and I would really appreciate everyone’s input, I always try to make sure she is happy and i feel like i’m putting myself last because of it.
What do you all think of this behavior?
TLDR: Girlfriend constantly doubts me, thinks i’m cheating, gets extremely upset if i talk to another female and is disgusted that I think other women are attractive.

My husband and I have been married for nearly 8 years and are parents of soon to be 3 young children (I’m due with our last kiddo next month). We are in our early 30s but have known each other since our early teens. We both have established, full time careers, are well educated, etc. We are in many ways what I would say is the suburban modern family. Life is hectic but we also have been very fortunate due to a combination of luck and consistent hard work and good decision making.
My husband’s family is quite the opposite. His dad has worked construction/carpentry since his early teens and been the breadwinner of the family, but has, for the most part, struggled to make ends meet. He is all in all a very charming, kindhearted guy though, and despite our vastly different lifestyles, I genuinely like him.
My MIL…she’s something else. While we have a mostly cordial relationship, she is truly one of the most self-absorbed people I’ve ever met. And not in a malicious manner— she just genuinely is narcissistic and thinks she knows best. Mostly this an annoying nuisance to occasionally deal with. She has said and done some unsavory things in the past that have resulted in short NC periods.
But this mentality ramped up to an 11 on a scale of 1-10 back in late February/early March.
My husband and I were going through an extremely stressful period in our marriage due to a number of issues. I was— and still am— pregnant with our third, we have a 5 and 2 year old, we were both working full time, and my husband’s job kept requiring him to travel out of state for a couple weeks at a time. Running a household as essentially a single mother while working full time was very stressful in itself, but then my grandmother had a stroke while he was out of state. By the time he got back, it was clear she wasn’t going to recover. She died with 48 hours of his return— which had given me just enough time to travel to visit her.
Almost simultaneously, my MIL was diagnosed with CLL. MIL has dealt with recurrent minor illnesses for some time (sinus and ear infections, the flu, etc.), so the cancer diagnosis wasn’t particularly surprising to me. But as most would do, we all spent some time reading up on this particular form of cancer, the general prognosis and treatment, etc.
My own parents happen to have both had cancer. My dad is a stage 2 prostate cancer survivor, having undergone treatment about 15 years ago. My mom unfortunately was not so lucky with her diagnosis— anaplastic carcinoma of the thyroid— and from diagnosis to death was less than ten months. It’s been about a decade now. Needless to say, I feel I am fairly well versed in the oncology world for an average person and able to provide some insight on the experience.
CLL, as I understand, and from what I’ve now heard from her original oncologist, is generally not a very aggressive cancer. I have heard some people refer to it as more like autoimmune disorder. It often requires little treatment and more “watchful waiting” of symptoms. My MIL was told by the oncologist that this is exactly what their plan was, that her cancer was not aggressive or requiring treatment, and that she could essentially live a normal life with occasional blood draws for monitoring purposes.
From the moment she was diagnosed though, it has been all about her. Her cancer diagnosis overshadowed my grandma’s actual death. My husband had to be gone for a day and a half to attend her first appointment, even if I was balancing life as a single working mom who was grieving at the moment. Before her first consultation, everyone was sure she was dying, even though it didn’t take an expert to look over her bloodwork and realize that she was likely in a very low stage of this non-aggressive cancer.
When she attended her consultation, her, FIL, SIL, and my husband had to go to support and were relieved to hear the good news. MIL was mortally offended that the oncologist poo-pooed her ridiculous made up, self-enforced diet that had already caused her to lose 10lbs. She’s not a big boned lady, so that was not weight she needed or should be losing. MIL is convinced that homeopathic and naturopathic remedies are the way to go, that “big pharma” is out to get us and make a buck off of our treatment, etc. She quite literally took ivermectin for covid previously, folks. So the fact that an oncologist would tell her that her diet was downright silly pissed her off and she quickly tried to find others more aligned with her viewpoints.
Life resumed more normally for a couple of weeks, but her random “cures” added to her diet and lifestyle have gotten increasingly bizarre and frankly inconvenient for her entire family.
This past weekend, we visited them, and MIL was insistent that she was dying and the next oncologist would recommend chemo for treatment. I fail to see why one oncologist would be so nonchalant about treatment and another would propose aggressive treatment, but I digress. She brought up Dr. Oz, a holistic massage therapist that uses oils and massage to cure cancer, and worst of all, a new item she’s added to her diet— roasted apricot pits. Now if you’re like me, you might be wondering what would possess someone to eat an apricot pit— after all, don’t they have cyanide in them? Precisely. My MIL is intentionally ingesting apricot pits because “cyanide kills cancer.”
As my husband eloquently put it, “No, cyanide kills *everything.”
Today my husband received a phone call asking if he’d be willing to petsit for them this weekend. We have a follow up ultrasound for a small abnormality detected in our baby on Friday, but MIL wants him to drive to their home two hours away and spend the night so he can watch their cat and SIL’s dog. Meanwhile MIL, FIL, and SIL will drive eight hours (and eight hours back) to visit this massage therapist/oil salesman to “cure her cancer.” Mind you, they are using SIL’s car because they have no other vehicle that works well enough to drive that far, they are constantly tight on money, and again, her oncologist has stated she does not need treatment.
I am at a loss. My husband, FIL, and SIL are all frustrated and have come around to the idea that maybe she is being a little over the top finally, but no one is putting their foot down to stop her. SIL is going to drive them instead of just saying no and not letting them take her car. FIL repeatedly drives to the store to pick up whatever weird ass product she wants to try next. And my husband despite having way too much to deal with at home, keeps dropping everything to tend to her.
It is mind boggling obnoxious and honestly in some ways offensive given my family history with cancer. My mom’s diagnosis was death sentence from the get go and she faced it with bravery and tenacity and selflessness. My MIL has a minor health scare and everyone is expected to drop everything to help her.
I am glad my husband is finally seeing reason and logic— but what now? I have told him I strongly believe he needs to speak up and encourage her to follow legitimate medical advice— both for her own good but also to bring himself peace of mind in the long run— but it’s like this woman WANTS to die.
I could go on for hours, but really I’m just wondering how the heck to toe this delicate line of supporting my spouse while prioritizing my family.

After a loved had taken a picture of me on their iPhone 13 I was repulsed, disgusted even.
I had dawned a athletic sprinter outfit on a walk with a loved one. I had worn this outfit beforehand and seen it in the mirror and was extremely infatuated .
But, on that day of the walk, when I had asked them to photograph me, it was nothing like what I saw in the mirror.
I have little to no physical insecurities besides my face. Im utterly horrified as to what people may see combined with my hair, face, eyes, and lips put together. The possibility of me staring at someone with a chance of me having a lazy eye, or a fluoride stare is sickening.
Just the thought of approaching anybody with that fills me with dread. Keep in mind this is coming from a person who thinks talking to strangers outside is fun, AND THATS THE THING!! I can't do that if I look like a oversaturated YouTube kids cartoon thumbnail with the sharpness bumped to the max dude! For chuck sakes- NO AVERAGE HUMAN IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO SEE EVEEY PORE AND DISCOLORATION ON YOUR FACE MAN!!
I take photos with a Samsung a04 and even a free phone and know to never use the cameras by themself, I always take them in the mirror and I kid you QUCKING NOT, it looked exactly like the imagery shown in real time. So I have some awareness of what I should at least know people are seeing from a glance right?
Well with that absolute cow manure of a camera it will make you think you look like a greasy individual in their mid 40's who is also probably not allowed anywhere near a school building.
For CHUCK SAKE MAN! NO AVERAGE PERSON SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THE GRAVEL PIT SOMEONE WOULD CALL A FACE COVERED IN THE WHAT WAS ONCE AND ALWAYS THEN SMALL UN NOTICABLE ACNE FRECKLES AND DISCOLORATION FROM 30 FEET AWAY FROM THE SCREEN PHONE SCREEN!! 👹👹👹👹
Anyway besides that what did we learn?
The iPhone 13's camera is repulsive and will send one of you guys and even the most confident of people into a existential crisis (I don't wanna say but this goes for some other cameras I have no experience with as well)
Filters and highly effected photos if unknowingly done could also cause a crisis (I have experience and really balanced knowledge in taking photos even though I rarely ever take them but still)
And 3?
I forgor 💀

Just spent eight days in Costa Rica. Learned a lot from this subreddit, so hoping this trip report helps anyone with future travel plans.
 
Airport

• We flew into Liberia.
• Customs (crowded, but quick) and bags were easy.
• Duty Free store prices seemed reasonable for a Westerner.

 
Car Rental

• I don't think there are any on-site car rental agencies.
• We rented through Hertz. Online quote was $297.55. Online said $18/day third-party liability, in-store they said $25/day. Also, everything is subject to another 13% tax. And another $18 for roadside assistance. Total was close to $600.
• None of this is delivered in any formal manner. The new quote amount is written on a business card and shown to you at the counter.
• We were able to waive the CDW by getting a Letter of Eligibility from eClaimsLine (I used a Chase Sapphire Reserve)
• They are very thorough with documenting the condition of the car. If you damage anything, they'll definitely notice.
• Probably the worst renting experience I've ever done. And I came in knowing all about TPL and CDW waivers, etc.
• Only drove from Papagayo to Rio Celeste to La Fortuna, then back to Papagayo. Roads and other drivers were great. Only one small stretch of road/dirt where I was glad we rented an SUV. A sedan got stuck on that stretch on our drive back.

 
Lodging

• Andaz Papagayo - Exactly what you expect. Reminded me of a more lush Park Hyatt St. Kitts. Easy to stay on property. Very sterile. People exaggerate how busy the carts are on the walking paths - it's like every other resort with carts. Probably not worth cash rate and maybe not even points. Food was fine. If you're Globalist, do all your breakfast at Ostra. All service staff (servers, bartenders, drivers) was excellent.

   

• Tabacon - I think the rooms were nicer and liked walking the property more than the Andaz. On-site pool kind of disappointing. The thermal pools are down the street and open to the public. The first night we went it was a little too party/clubby than we expected. Bartenders were great.

 
Attractions

• Mega Combo Zip Line Tour and Volcano Hot Spring at Rincon de la Vieja. Price included round-trip transit from Papagayo. The ziplines were cool. We were ahead of a large group, so we got through all ziplines pretty quickly (which was fine). The waterslide was really good. I could have skipped the horseback riding, lunch, and the volcano hot spring.

   

• Rio Celeste - Easily the highlight of the trip. Walk the whole thing if you can. If you're late for your time, they'll let you in with the next group. They won't let you in early. We were able to park and swim just up the road from the park entrance.

   

• Arenal 1968 Volcano View - It's a fine hike. I think they said the full loop is around 3 hours and I think we did it in close to 90 minutes. The viewpoint is whatever and early into the hike. If you don't want to hike, you can just go to the cafe which is the last stop of the hike.

   

• SkyAdventures Ziplines & Hanging Bridges at Arenal Park was good. I think a more polished zipline experience than the one we did at Rincon de la Vieja, but a lot more waiting around between the ziplines because of the big groups. The hanging bridges walk was good, but they give you 2.5 hours to finish it (and a zipline ticket for that time). We did it in less than 90 minutes and they wouldn't let us zipline until our ticket time. I don't know how this compares to the Mistico Park Hanging Bridges, but I think I'd rather have just done ziplining here and the bridges at Mistico Park.

 
Food

• Mostly ate at the resorts. Probably not helpful for those not staying at the Andaz or Tabacon, so I'll post those in the Hyatt subreddit.
  
• La Ventanita in El Castillo (next to SkyAdventures) - Went here because sand-in-my-toes71 said they're the "Best burritos I’ve ever eaten". Apparently the owner is from California, which makes sense why you're getting Mission burritos in Costa Rica. Very good food for Costa Rica and great views.
  
• Blue River Brewery in Bijagua de Upala (next to Rio Celeste) - Went here because I wanted a beer after Rio Celeste. Food is fine, beer is good. The trees across the way have toucans. We saw a bunch. The lady who worked there told us that one of the best places to see sloths is at the Finca Verde Lodge (we didn't go, so unconfirmed).
  

Sagittarius is classically labeled the cheater, the person who likes to travel all the time, the partier, the I-tell-it-like-it-is a-hole. As my moon sign, I never felt that I could relate to it. Sure, I like to party, but it’s far from a defining quality.
Of course a level deeper would have most recognizing these things are crazy over generalizations stemming from their valued traits like independence, truth, and freedom, but still, don’t we all value those things? I was very stuck on the travel thing. I like traveling, kind’ve, but I have friends that like traveling a lot more.
Then I started reading more, and those stereotypes were quickly drowned out by the truth. I understood that even though I am introverted and I like staying at home, the things that feed me always involve learning and growing as much as possible no matter what. I love philosophy, and I always get into discussions about it despite the relevancy. I love reading and writing—and I had no idea that Sag was gifted here and was the sign of publishing. I like all books, but I have a plan to read as many classics as possible and even when I’m reading for ‘enjoyment’, it’s really because I’m trying to become an expert in the genre.
And now I understand why I don’t actually like traveling—it’s because trips are never trips that I wanted, and if they don’t have a deeper meaning I simply do not care even if it’s a beach resort. I’d rather be at home reading and mentally growing. I feel really trapped on trips with lots of people because I feel so much pressure to do everything with everyone else when I want to have a solo adventure. I also cant respect people who don’t care about their intellect even though I try. I realize I’m risking sounding like a huge arrogant jerk here. Can I pass it off by saying I’m just passionate about my epiphany?
Does anyone else have a similar backstory with Sag as a personal placement? Or maybe even another sign you learned to understand over time? I must know! 👀

I was first diagnosed with MDD when I was 13. It got easier as I got older but it was almost always there in some capacity. 2 years ago when I had my hormonal IUD removed, it got really bad. I couldn't get out of bed or shower, I was drinking constantly and I even relapsed with self-harm for the first time in 9 years. Thats when I found out I had PCOS. I started taking Spironolactone and poof, my depression disappeared. It was kind of miraculous actually. I lost 30 lbs in 2 months, I stopped drinking almost entirely, and I actually had energy.
Well the Spironolactone was causing me to bleed everyday. That plus the fact that my testosterone wasn't going down like it should have at my dose, my doctor decided to take me off of it for a few months (jan 1st -April 1st) so that they could measure my base hormones and metabolites. I warned them that I would get extremely depressed without the meds and they assured me it wouldn't be for that long.
Months later I finally take my hormone test. My depression is back with a vengeance at this point. I cant get out of bed, I've gained 20 lbs and I have even cut myself. All this to say, I am sinking and sinking fast. I meet with my doctor a month later to get my results and get on some meds. HE FORGOT ABOUT THE TEST ENTIRELY. When I reminded him he looked for 2 seconds, said he never received the results and to basically try again in a month. When I called the company that administered the test they said results were sent to him 3 weeks prior! I even asked him if I could take Spironolactone for the time being but he said I had to ask the pharmacy to request a refill (shocker there was no refill for it, it had to be a new prescription).
So now I am in limbo waiting another month in this hell, or waiting for this guy to actually give a fuck. I just feel so hopeless and dejected. I don't know what to do, I'm scared of my depression and I'm not sure I can do this for another month. I guess this is just me venting but if anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it.
TLDR: So depressed I relapsed with self-harm and my doctor isn't helping

You may have wondered why there is such a multiplicity of takes on how to serve the Creator, how to know the Creator. The answer to that, my friends, lies deep within the history of your planet, deep within the minds of its people. You have, among you on Planet Earth, sixteen different archetypal minds. They vary in seemingly small ways, yet the cultures produced by these archetypal minds vary widely in the way perception works. And it is according to the perception of people that they must work within the veil, veiled from memory of other incarnations for the most part, veiled from memory of the way things are outside of the veil. Various archetypal minds, various cultures, have found different doors of perception that work for them.
The perception of those such as the one known as Y has found useful is a perception that does not accept the reality of third density in the physical illusion. This is radically different from, for instance, the typical perception of those within the American culture or the European culture where great respect is given to the solidity of life, its mass and weight and physical characteristics. Your culture has found great value in coming more and more to understand how things work from the standpoint of chemistry, physics, mathematics and so forth.

Those who are able to develop the kind of realization that frees them ultimately from the bounds of the physical are those who have grown up breathing in the air of belief in the reality not of this illusion but of the Creator. It is indeed bewildering to many who are in the European or American cultures to consider that their bodies, their obviously physical, obviously present bodies that have weight and mass, might not be real. It is a matter of perception. Those growing up where value was given to the physical illusion would not tend to be capable of opening those doors of those masters of the Far East. This does not mean that those who focus according to Buddhist or Hindu principles have less opportunity or more opportunity to open the gateway to intelligent infinity. It means that their perception of what they are doing varies, sometimes radically.

We will say this, my friends, there are ways in which individuals steeped in a culture that supports the unreality of physicality will find, given a lifetime of work in consciousness, to be able to manipulate matter so that it appears and disappears. You have seen in those who demonstrate hypnosis that if the perception of a person changes, actions can be taken that would seem to harm that person, such as running a needle through the arm or walking on coals that are burning embers. Yet under the influence of a hypnotist, a hypnotized person feels no pain at the stick of the needle, feels no burning as he walks over fire. It is a matter of perception.
Original link : https://assets.llresearch.org/transcripts/files/en/2011_0219.pdf

I grew up & lived with my mom until my elementary days while my dad is an OFW. My mom would spend whole day & night gambling, drinking, smoking, then would come home na mainit ang ulo lalo na kapag natalo sa sugal. She would spank me with hanger, sticks, walis you know the likes. Most of the time, di naman malala yung corporal punishment niya, but merong instances na umaabot na sa dumudugo na yung buong likod and kamay ko. Papasok ako sa school, duguan yung uniform ko, naawa ako sa sarili ko kasi ako lang yung ganun sa classroom namin.
She isn't around most of the time, she buys ulam sa nearby carenderia and would employ a babysitter for me lalo na if maglalakwatsa siya. The allowance she gets from my dad, she spends mostly on her vices and binibigay niya sa family side niya, leaving almost kaunti nalang for us, so sometimes wala kaming maulam and medyo picky eater ako ng bata ako so if ayaw ko kainin yung ulam, papaluin nya ulit ako.
She would also pass out from binge drinking the night before, I was in grade 1, her live in boyfriend would bathe me himself kasi passed out siya.
Fast forward to today, my mom claims that she is a changed person, made better due to the teachings of a born again church. Ngayon, nasa 2nd husband na niya sya nakatira, magkalayo kami ng city. Palagi na siyang nag reconnect sa akin, clingy sa chat, gusto niya magkasama kami, palaging magbibisita siya sa akin, gusto niya akong ipagluto, magda drama kung hindi kami magkasama sa bday nya or mother's day, etc.
I am with my BF now and he said to not associate anymore with my mom since ganun nga yung ginawa sa akin before. Sa side ko naman, baka better na siya ngayon, bumabawi kasi nag improve na siya but my bf says na masyado akong soft hearted and if he was in my shoes, he'd cut off all communications.
What do you think po? Is there a middle ground or compromise for this? Nagpapa awa rin si mama ko sakin most of the time, di ko alam if sincere ba or mina manipulate ako. I love my mom despite all this di ko alam kung bakit soft hearted parin ako.
Up until a few weeks ago I thought I had a loving mother, but ngayon ko lang narerealize, child of an abusive mother ata ako

Prev/On the Design of Human Ships/
"Just wait, how lon…" Zantol started to say as a firm click was heard as Pir-4 pressed the button. In the following moment the entire ship shuddered as all power was lost. Moments later a deep drone could be felt.
"That shouldn't have taken so long to start," Dave remarked as all the screens and consoles lit back up, as the drone to fade away. Looking around dozens of new indicator lights and alarms were screaming across the cockpit, "Well that might be it, uhh…" Dave looked to Zanthol who was shocked at what just happened, and Pir-4 now floating stilly above the radio consul, "Zanthol please tell me that this is normal and that Pir is alright"
Zanthol taking moments to understand what happened, what all the new lights are for, and moments wonder what just happened.
“Wha…, what was that."
"Well, uh, that, was the distress call," Pausing for a moment to point at Pir-4 and to mute the alarms, "will he be ok?"
"Probably, but it is impossible to know without looking in his head"
"Why aren't you concerned? I mean, he could have just died."
"Why would I, it's just a machine, and all the data can be recovered."
Taking a deep breath, Dave considered the words that he just heard, "Zanthol? How do you classify a being as sentient?"
"We have a system, how do you classify things as sentient? If I know what you would use, then it would be easier for me to explain."
"I don't necessarily see why this is important, but the way that we had done this is though test, like the Turing test, have a judge have a conversation with a known sentient being and the one being tested. Another is to test the being's creativity, or even just comparing how close to the human brain the being's brain is."
"Those are all good way to determine if a being is sentient, but the reason that Pir was created was to get one step closer to win a galactic history changing prize, and I shouldn't tell you this, but humanity will find out regardless. This prize is from an automated system from nearly a million years ago, it was to autonomously scout and lightly terraform planets for life as it knows, and through, probably a problem with the replication program, it became sapient and though many more years it came to where it is now. Just barely sentient, enough for it to want to be a part of the community, and so the machine tried, until it came to the conclusion that it wasn't sentient enough to fit in," Sighing Zanthol took a deep breath and pointed to Pir-4, "It stopped sharing the planets it has visited, demanding that we make it fully sentient, to the point of the average sentient being, like you and me. To do so it made a prize, bring it a artificial being of synthetic mind that it deems as sentient. it has been almost 43,323 years by your calendar since the start of the competition."
"So you don't consider Pir a sentient being because a machine doesn't. That doesn't make sense, just because it doesn't shouldn't mean that you don't. Humanity has had less time free to think of what makes you, you. Because I think and therefore I am, should suffice for treating other being as sentient…"
Dave was cut off by the radio cracking back to life, "YOU, we do░▓░k▒w what yo░▒id bu░ we will have your he▒▓!" Just as abruptly it started it cut back out.
"They sound mad, as much as I would like to continue to argue, there are more concerning matters at the moment," Dave said as he took hold of the control sticks, with a lurch the ship once again started to move, "Since I don't like the silence I'll explain some things to you, this left stick moves the ship in x,y,z movement, or front, back, up, down, left, and right. The right stick adjusts the rotation," Dave gives both of the sticks a wiggle, causing the whole ship to shudder.
Zanthol, pulled Pir-4's helmet off, he started to check what happened to Pir-4. Looking to Dave again he sees him reach out slips on large gloves over his atmo-suit's gloves, once these are properly around his already gloved hands they constrict around them to now sit tightly around his hands. Then with a simple his the compartment filled with a thin fog, curiously Zanthol asked, "Is something wrong, and what's with the fog?"
"Take a look out the view screen, were getting close to your ship, but its getting hard to tell the distance without looking at the readout. So to get around that this ship uses a suite of holograms that are constructed by little low power lasers, and theses holograms use the cameras and computers to make a three dimensional representation of the environment."
"So why the haze?"
"It's so the lasers can be seen." as Dave talked, holograms of Zanthol's ship the Prospector's Pick, Helum station, and the various pirate vessels, leaving all that can't be seen by the cameras are blank. Reaching out with his gloved hands Dave grabbed the holograms of the Prospector's Pick and Zanthol's ship, strangely his hands didn't just pass through the holograms. Already anticipating the coming question Dave said, "The gloves that I just put on have a pneumatic force feed back system, strong enough to resist my movements, but not so much it can hurt me. If I move my hand though any of them it will respond as if it were an object floating in space that I just smacked. The system will interpret how the I move the holograms and do its best to replicate it in real life," Dave said, as he pushed the Prospector's Pick closer to Zanthol's ship. Zanthol could feel the ship accelerate toward his ship, "So, this makes it more intuitive for a human to operate this ship."
"Ok, so what are you doing now, are you going to get us out of here?"
"Well you said that, one all of Pir's spare parts are on your ship and that you have very classified things on it. Wouldn't it be a good idea to get it all before running?"
*Beep*
Looking at the consul a gauge was flashing.
"What's that?"
"That would be a temperate gauge, and uh it says that the hull is heating up. That shouldn't be happening,"
Thinking back Zanthol remembered how the pirates breached the air-lock realized what was causing the heating, "Dave, I think it maybe the pirates, to cut open the station like that," he points at the air-lock, "to cut through it as quickly as they did, they would have to have a weapons grade laser. We probably have only a minute before it starts cutting through the hull if you can keep them from focusing on the same spot."
"Ok, that shouldn't be too hard to mitigate," with a simple twist of the wrist Dave put the ship into a gentle spin, "That should do for now. Where is a good spot for a tow cable to be put on your ship?"
"I can already feel the rising temperature rising, and it's only getting faster. If you can't do anything about it then we're probably dead."
The gauge, now entering the red, "I hear you, and I'll handle this," Dave replied turning his ship to face the pirates, "Do you know why Tungsten Carbide is such a good marital for machine tools?"
Starting to send the ship into the pirates, "It's because it harder then almost all other mettles, and do you know where the largest single piece of Tungsten Carbide is? Well, its on this ship, initially meant to skewer asteroids, but we'll see how good it is at skewering ships, and it better be, or else," sighing, Dave continued, "We're probably dead."
"That sounds insane, but probably the only thing that we can do, and even then, there are still three other in the fleet."
Suddenly, static filed the coms gradually coming clearer until a human voice could be heard, "Prospector's Pick, hold tight, help is on the way, this is the Barnard's star Battle group B3, ETA 3 minutes. just hold tight, help is on the way."
By this moment Dave's ship was careening toward the pirates, the temperature sky rocketing. The ship struggling to cool it self with the radiators turning a dull red with the heat their absorbing, struggling to dissipate the building heat.
With a, shearing, screeching, screaming, sound the spike tore into the pirate ship.
"Woooooooooooooowoh!! HELL YEAH! That will never get old no mater what the target is." Dave said with a brimming smile. "Now its getting hot in here, so I'll also show you how we cool our ships in emergencies." pressing a combination of buttons on the the consul, a hiss of cool air filled the cockpit. The hologram also showed the radiators unlatch and start floating away from the ship.
"Dave why are you jettisoning the radiators, they're needed to cool the ship."
"Yes, but that's part of the design that someone else made, and was much smarter then I am. Its going to be replaced with spares."
One of the rows of boxes moved to the place that the radiators once were, and proceeded to unfold and turn into new radiators, with this the temperature gauge visibly and quickly dropped back down to it's regular position, and the new radiators already starting to show their thermal saturation. Then the screens flashed a notification…
Incoming warp detected.
~
This started to become more disconnected and scattered toward the end, but I was just having a hard time finding a way to connect it all. I also wanted to make each chapter a bit longer, so that's why this took so long, and in all fairness I don't think I'll be writing them to be so long its just not what I'm good with.
It has almost been half a year since I randomly thought of the idea for this at a new years party, anyways here's a fun fact, I am horrible at coming up with names, so to mitigate this I have turned to use the Periotic table and names of chemicals (and/or overly common names). The most obvious of them are Dave's last name Coper most clearly a slight mis spelling of Copper, Helum Station is just a variation of Helium, (spoiler regarding Pir-4)and Pir is a mis spelled abbreviation of Periotic and 4 corresponds to Beryllium the main component in his computers and meant to reference how hard for the researchers to make a body compatible with a inorganic brain, and to my knowledge Beryllium is wildly deadly and destructive to carbon based organic chemistry.

I live in California and my car has been stuck in dealership since January . My car got a recall for potential transmission oil leaking which might cause my car to catch on fire. My car got notification saying I needed to take it to dealership in January due to potential issues so I took it and they determined it’s cause of the recall. Parts didn’t come in til April because they didn’t have the part made yet. Got car and had to take it back to dealership within 2 days of getting it cause same issue happened again but now my car is leaking. I don’t know what to do at this point. I didn’t pay for my car to not drive it for almost half a year . I’m frustrated cause I’ve been calling , texting and emailing corporate and dealership asking what’s happening to my car . I’m not sure what to do

Soon I will be a senior (12th grade) in HS, and I’ll preface this by saying I’m on the autism spectrum, so sometimes simple things tend to be pretty difficult for me.
I’m not an amazing student, I tend to fail one or two classes per year. In classes like Science and Math I have low scores. I do better in English and History, but the basic structure of a class is still very hard for me. When I do understand a concept I do well, but if I don’t, it takes a while for me to get there, and I also give up on myself. Plus during high stress tests or quizzes I get really bad brain fog.
I’m not dumb, I know that. In real-world environments I perform pretty well, it’s just the class structure I’ve always struggled with.
I want to go to college, I’m not fully sure what for, but it’s the path I’m wanting to take. But will I be able to succeed? It really freaks me out and I dont want to go to college just to have the same experience as high school.