Intense questions

As a student, I find tons of opportunities to perform classical music for others, whether it be for judges, teachers, other students, or other parents, and it's quite nice doing so and hearing their comments. I enjoy being around similarly-aged and highly intense classical musicians.
I'm just worried that as I grow older, opportunities like those will diminish, and all of the work I like putting into this music seem pointless.
One solution is to move away from classical, which I am trying to do by learning new skills and genres, but I really do enjoy grinding through classical repertoire.
Maybe this is a lame concern that I won't be worried about (or even have time to worry about) when I am actually an adult. I love doing classical music just for myself, and that really should be enough, but some external validation + something to work towards is always nice.
I guess my question is for adults who were also super dedicated to classical music in their youth.
How do you stay motivated? What opportunities are there to perform for others?

Hey!
I'm a 17 y/o student in the US who has (via the dual credit system here) been able to rack up college credits during highschool. I'll be able to graduate with an associates degree in cybersecurity as a result, granting me the certificates and coursework to take on a entry-level cybersec job or internship. Over the last few years, I've had an intense interest in International Relations, specifically US-EU collaboration, trade, and defense, as well as Middle-East policy/affairs. As a Policy Debater, I've also had the the opportunity to write about, study, and research some of the surface tensions/debates/conflicts.
I hold both US and German citizenship, I'm roughly C2 in german language skills, and have limited knowledge of Farsi which I aim to expand through a critical language scholarship with the US Dep of State.
My first question is about where I could best study IR and diplomacy as a bachelors program. (And whether a bachelors program for IR or Diplomacy is worth it.) My dad is a Econ professor, so I agree with many in this forum indicating the need for finance related economics knowledge for IR careers. Due to my german citizenship and my language proficiencies/interest in the region, I've entertained studying in Suisse, Germany, or Austria. (several schools have great connections with international organizations, NGOs, internships.) Would this be worthwhile? Are there any schools in those 3 countries that I should consider learning more about?
I also recognize that the US has dozens of amazing schools with proximity to US governmental agencies. For Bachelors programs, are there any specific schools I should focus on or learn more about?
For those that had internships that helped narrow down IR related interests, do you have any recomendations or programs you found beneficial? Should I finish out a full BA in cybersec for more specialization to standout? Are there any individuals/books I should glean from while making these desicions?
I know this is kinda a lot of questions, but I appreciate anyone who takes the time to share their time/expertise.
Thanks!

Hello Everyone,
I am in an interesting position and wanted to get your takes on the matter. I began my career journey rather young and have been working in corporate settings as a data analyst since 14, I was doing VBA work, basic Python, HTML, some JS…. I then began a position at 19 years old at a consulting firm that had me jumping around multiple financial and tech institutions tackling different projects where I would begin flirting with some ML concepts. During this time I’m actively pursuing a BBA in Finance hoping to secure a position as a quantitive analyst.
COVID hits and I frankly can’t cut it in the finance world so I end up taking a job as a Data analyst at a Fortune 500 utility company where I became a senior in a year and ended up devoting close to 3 years at the company. During this time I was miserable, I was using antiquated software/methodologies, the subject material was extremely boring and I had enough so I just resigned on the spot.
During this downtime I pursued a intense Data Science bootcamp in hopes of pursuing the “fun and challenging” data analyst/scientist positions. I gave this whole backstory just to say I have no idea what my trajectory looks like from here and this shitty job market is not making it any easier. All in all my questions are:
-Should I pursue senior positions since technically I have 10 years experience in data analysis?
-Should I start from scratch since I’m still relatively young (25) and look into ML internships?
-Is there a specific way you should apply to these roles?
-Should my resume be 2-pages long?
Any other advice is welcome and appreciated, I am always open to making industry friends so feel free to reach out.
Thank you all for your time.

So, I actually tried asking this question over in AskMen and it actually got taken down because I violated one of their rules- so I'd thought I would ask this question here because I want to hear the opinions of other LGBT people as an LGBT person myself because I feel like I have never really gotten an answer- so I'm just gonna copy and paste what I wanted to ask over there onto here, and I want to hear some of you guys' takes on this topic:
So, I'm a bisexual cis man- more specifically I'm Achillean, which is under the bi umbrella, meaning I am attracted to men (cis and trans) and masculine-presenting/transmasc non-binary people (AMAB/AFAB non-binary people who identify with masculinity and may medically transition to appear more masculine, but without identifying as a man). But for intensive purposes, I'm just bi who's attracted to men and masc non-binary people. That's it.
Seeing the whole discourse on "can men be friends with women?" as an LGBT outsider looking in must be so fucking sad- because my bi ass over here is just wondering: "Wait, if men can't be friends with women because they just wanna sleep with each other secretly in the back of their heads, then how can bi or pan people make friends with the gender(s) they're attracted to? How are LGB people friends then? How the fuck am I, a bisexual man, able to be friends with a man or non-binary people without wanting to sleep with them?". Like, can I not be friends with any man? I can't be friends with any man without wanting to sleep with them? Or any non-binary person? I can't be friends with anyone of the genders I'm attracted to without wanting to f*ck them? Really? My best friend of almost 8 years, since middle school, is an asexual cis man and I never had any feelings for him beyond just being like he's my brother. Never. I've never had any sort of a crush on him. Like, he's not ugly, but I just don't find him sexually or romantically attractive. He's not bad-looking, but that's it. He's just a friend. He's like my brother. But also, I feel like bi men who are attracted to women can be friends with women without wanting to f*ck all of them. Like, where do bi or pansexual people fit into all of this? Or what about queer people or people who are attracted to more than one gender identity at large?
So, I just thought I wanted to ask all the straight men of Reddit: If straight men and women can't be friends because one of them will end up wanting to f*ck the other, then how are us bisexuals supposed to have any friends? Can bisexuals be close, best friends with each other? With the gender(s) they are attracted to? Can bi men be friends with men, women, or nonbinary people without falling in love? What about bi men who are attracted to the binary genders- men and women- they can't be friends with either of them? Or what about bi men who are attracted to women and non-binary people? Or hell, on that note, what about pansexual people? Or polysexual people? They can't be friends with ANYONE, or anyone who is of the gender(s) they are attracted to? Can pansexual people make friends? Or what about gay men, can they be best friends with the other men? No one says that gay men can't be best friends with other gay men? Same-sex attracted people can be friends with people of the same sex without ever wanting to f*ck or date them? Does the same hold for lesbians?
Does the same apply to trans men? Can trans men and trans women be close, best friends with each other? Or is it just WOMEN in particular that men/male-aligned people can't be friends with? If that's the case: can bi, pan, or polysexual men be friends with women? Why is it JUST straight men can't be friends with women, but no one thinks that bi or pansexual men can't be friends with women? Bi and pan men don't have a problem being close friends with women without wanting to sleep with them, they seem totally fine. LGB men in particular can be best friends with the gender(s) that they're attracted to, so why is it so hard for straight men? I can be friends with men without wanting to f*ck every guy friend that I have ever had.
You know what, how is anyone in the LGBT+ community friends with anyone? Do you think we're all just f*cking each other, that we don't have a SINGLE friend that we've never f*cked, ever? That just seems kinda sad.
Also, where do non-binary people fit into all of this? What about AMAB non-binary people, who don't medically transition but just don't identify as men, they have a sexuality too. AMAB non-binary people can't be friends with women if they're attracted to women? How do they work?
Also, why is it just that straight women can be friends with straight men without falling in love, but not the other way around? Are you seriously telling me that you CAN NOT for the life of you be friends with any woman without just falling in love with them? If so, why do you think that men fall in love with their female friends much more than women fall in love with their male friends? Why is it easier for women to be close friends with men without wanting to sleep with them than it is the other way around for men?
I just feel so confused over the whole men-women friends discourse because where the fuck do we LGBT people exist in this convo? Like, I feel like LGBT people over here are just chilling and we're not arguing over if gay men can be friends with other gay men. Of course, the LGBT community is not perfect by any means, but do you guys actually believe that YOU PERSONALLY can't be friends with any women?
Sorry for the blurge. I just needed to rant because I feel like no one can answer this question.

TW: Suicide, Mental Illness, SA, Porn Addiction, Abuse, Pedophilic Thoughts.
Hi, this post is going to be insanely long post as I am gonna go over a lot of things in detail throughout my life. I am going to premise this with a very important disclaimer: I am not looking to be the victim. I am not trying and do not want to make you feel bad for me. Things I saw will end up sounding like attention-seeking and victim mentality, but please know that no matter how much it sounds like that, that is not my intention. I'm basically going to go through my entire life story, so buckle up.
We'll start at the beginning of my life in 2005. I'm born and have an older sister, who is still my only blood sibling. At 3 years old I experience my first traumatic events that I can remember. I start hiding in the bathroom whenever my parents fight, and after a fight, I try lightening the mood by dancing in a goofy manner, but I end up falling and slashing a big hole in my knee and have to go to the hospital. At 4 years old my parents get divorced, and my dad moves in with his girlfriend. I vaguely remember crying as he took his last suitcase out the door. I also start pre school at this time, and my parents start realizing I have mental issues. I get tested and come up with ADHD and autism. I hate loud noises, get overstimulated, hate fire, and can be very irritable. At 5 I do my second year of pre school, because my parents feel I wasn't socially ready. I did competitive cherr with my sister which was fun, except for a mean teammate and an unsupportive father. At 6 I start kindergarten, and have more traumatic events. I doodle on my paper and get yelled at by my very menacing teacher, which just stuck with me for some reason as I am very sensitive to arguments and such. I start having my first memories of being abused by my mom. She wasn't beating me but she would slap me, grab me, push me, and she threw my sister down the hall one time. At 7, I have the same types of memories, but good ones too. My sister starts getting in on the abuse and hitting me too. Her and mom start fighting all the time. And this is where my first sign of real issues shows up. My aunt babysat me after school every wednesday whike my parents worked their jobs. I was scrolling on my old chunky laptop and came across it. Gay porn. It was two men on a bed doing some sort of act. Im confused but cant stop watching. My aunt eventually comes in and puts an end to it, berating me. But I start getting worse. I keep looking it up on my tablet and getting caught by my dad and mom, and even get caught looking up how to end myself. I get the same talk that it wasn't good or whatever. And one time, I even tried getting my 2 year old nephew to "lick it" because I didnt think there was anything wrong with that. The next few years, the same trends become increasingly worse, and my parents also gave up trying to get me to eat healthy because of my picky eating habits due to the autism. I became overweight and no longer did any sports. I have a few more traumatic memories of my mom hitting me or destroying my stuff and making me clean it up. My porn addiction becomes worse. I start getting exposed to things like incest and beastiality. I also start having my first experiences with pedophiles. I was taught by another kid how to masturbate on xbox. And got into a party with someone else. They were atleast in their mid to late teens and possible older. They convinced me to teach them how to masturbate aswell. My addiction got worse and I would masturbate multiple timed a day at a very young age. I started hiding things from everyone. I started actually being attracted to the incest porn I was seeing so often and got into the taboo of it. As I got older I started fighting with myself, begging myself to fix my issues before it became to late, but I didn't listen. I started hiding my porn addiction really well and kept letting myself get groomed. I would show myself to pedos on omegle because I thought it felt good to get the attention. A 16 year old told my 12 year old self to send a booty pic, and I did, but blocked him immediately after. When I got into 7th grade I also started getting corrupted by public porn, and started masturbating at school. I was being bullied for my weight, and being smelly by that point, and was just so fucked up and never got help. If I ever talked to someone, I'd just lie and water down so everyone would think I was fine. In 8th grade I got bullied really bad, but covid ended that early luckily. I never masturbated in class again after this. This is where it gets worse, again. I become so deprived of human contact and addicted to sex, that I start sneaking videos of my father in the bathroom after his showers. To note, I don't have an amazing relationship with him. He was always very intimidating and bad at controlling his temper. Never good at having conversations either, so I've since closed myself off to him. I kept taking pictures of him, and eventually, started sneaking pictures of people I found either attractive, or even people that didn't repulse me. This included strangers, classmates, teachers, etc. I started really internally fighting with myself at this point. I hated myself. Who I had become. I tried and tried to make myself stop and become healthier, working out, watching else porn, trying to delete pictures I took of others, but to no avail. I eventually on rare occasions, masturbated to beastiality porn. I always felt so disgusted before, during, and after. These always felt like intrusive thoughts that I was acting on, but I didn't know that was actually the case until much later. I also starting convincing my grandpa to show me what it "felt like" as a 15 year old, until at 17 in 2023, he eventually coerced me into doing it to him, which I can't tell if it's SA or a taste of my own medicine, since I was a minor. I'm gonna go back to 2022. My sister's husband, who I consider my only brother, committed suicide. I was devastated. All i ever wanted was a brother, but I decided it wasnt meant to be. A few months later, I saw a cute guy at a local fair near my house, and feel deeply in love. I didn't masturbate or even look at porn for an entire week. I could not think of him sexually at all. Until eventually, the effect wore out. I started becoming addicted again, and also became to overbearing to the guy I was in love with because I texted him too much. He was 28 and I was 17, and he had no idea I actually liked him. This crushed me too, and the school year started soon after. I started imagining him and his friends withbme wherever I went and stalked his page constantly. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Later on in thar school year, I fucked up with both of the friend groups I was in, and lost them all. The rest of the year passed by slowly, but it still ended up okay. Now onto this school year, my senior year. I come back to school and no matter what I do, I can't get myself to stop. And a few months into the year, I finally get caught. I get suspended and don't come back for a few days. I get bullied as expected and lay low. My mom takes my phone and deletes everything, and I eventually tell her most of what I've said here. I relapse occasionally and watch certain porn that I feel guilty about, or snap a pic of someone. Luckily, I finally deleted everything myself and never took a picture of someone or watched beastiality again, and will continue that path. My current consensus is that I'm a classic case of a kid who never had a support system, which led me to making bad decisions, and just never stopped and got worse. I also now have been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety, and depression. I was always big on recording and taking pictures of everything memorable, which contributed to this. I also have very intense intrusive thoughts which are still unmedicated. When I took that first picture of someone I thought was attractive, I felt disgusted with myself for months. But the thoughts got stronger and stronger, and I did it again to make them go away, until eventually they got more often and consistent. I myself don't want people to be uncomfortable. I hate people that do stuff like that, and I wouldn't wish the feeling on anybody. No matter how many times I tried to push the thoughts away, or stop what I was doing, I couldn't. I lost all self control. The good part of me wants to help people, make them feel safe, loved, and attended for, but that side lost the fight. My morals were completely washed away over the years as my thoughts worsened, and I kept doing what I could to appease them. I consider the thoughts another being inside of me. It's super powerful and no matter how much I try to push against it, it always wins eventually. I got prescribed meds and picked them up today to help with the thoughts, and I hope it works. I found out this is called Purity OCD, which is when you have intrusive thoughts, and eventually give in and act on them to get them to go away. I also have Brain Loop Syndrome, which is when you get into a bad behavior, and want nothing but out, and physically cannot do it. I also want to clarify again that I am not looking for sympathy. I'll take any questions or advice on where to go from here. I've been telling myself that I deserve to be tortured, raped, and killed, or to burn in hell if I end myself. Again, not for sympathy/victimization. People I've told about the situation in real life keep saying "well it's not like you committed a serious crime, lots of people are curious and many take pics but are afraid to admit it" but I feel like that doesn't make it any better?? It's still weird and wrong. But anyways, I'm open to any questions or comments about this, if you want to just comment "ky$" or "I hate you" I understand, it's totally valid. I just needed to say it, get some advice and answer questions. Have a good night ya'll.
Quick edit before the comments start coming in: Apologies for the long read btw. I also wanted to say if you're ever experiencing negative thoughts regarding anything I stated here, or have any issues in general, PLEASE SEEK HELP. Do not do what I did. More people will understand you than you believe. You are not as alone as you think. Please don't let it get to this point!! Ans also yes guys there is a few more little traumatic events or whatever sprinkled in there that are probably important but I think you guys get the gist.

Hello, I’m currently two weeks post l5/s1 MD (41, F). Everything went well. I still have some numbness in my leg, tightness in my little toe, and weirdly nerve pain in my foot when I take a poo (improving from what it was previously). I’ve been taking walks between 4-6km the last few days with no worrying symptoms, just some general muscular pain which I figure might be the area getting used to working again. My question is this: how much bending and twisting is too much? I live alone, which has been very difficult, even with having lots of friends helping out. Some bending and twisting feels inevitable since I have to care for myself. I’m scared I’m over working the area. Has anyone else being in a similar position? Side note: lyrica and opiate withdrawals have kicked my arse. Please query it if you’re told to just quit lyrica cold turkey, that shit can bring on intense suicidal ideation scarily quickly. Taper, taper taper!

I'll try to keep this brief but I have a lot to say and I tend to ramble. I (20F but 19 at the time) have been broken up with my ex (20F) for almost a year now. When we first ended things I felt SO MUCH RELIEF I was in almost a euphoric state for the first week or two. I knew she was extremely toxic but didn't care to question it because I was just so happy to never have to see or speak to her again but quickly that wore off and I realized just how terribly she treated me. In the past month or two it's starting to get to me again after a few conversations with close friends where I told the stories of things she did to me, hoping to have a laugh at the absurdity but underneath realizing just how much she put me through. I still can't accept that it was truly mental or emotional or verbal etc. abuse. I guess I just want somebody to tell me if I'm victimizing myself, or if my mental illness is making me delusional if I was the real abuser the whole time, or if we were both toxic (all her words). I just wanna list off some of the things she did, partially for myself to lay it all out and partially to ask everyone here if I'm the problem or if she was just toxic w/o being "abusive". I'm avoiding specific details because I don't want anyone I know to stumble upon this and know it's me so apologies if theres little context but here it is:

• biggest one on the top: when we first got together I had just gotten out of a relationship and was struggling metally. I had been in therapy for a while before we met and started mood stablizers soon after we were together. she constantly would use this against me to tell me i'm crazy, that my mental illness was ruining our relationship, that i was "a disease", that I was just like her crazy ex etc.
  
• another huge one! she insisted on extravagant expensive gifts then later expected unquestioned obedience because of it. when i caught on to this and began denying gifts it would cause arguments
  
  • i identified as bisexual at the time which she constantly used against me. if we were ever in the presence of men, even if i didnt interact with them, she would get mad and either give me the silent treatment or start an argument about it. when i expressed multiple times that I may not be attracted to men she would get angry because it proved to her how "easily impressionable" i am
  • constant lies. about things my friends or even my mom had said allegedly about me (they never did), about things that she had or hadn't done, she would even tell lies to my friends and mother about things that I had allegedly said about them (i never did) even right in front of me but she was so convincing to everyone around us that I seemed like the liar no matter how much i denied or explained
  • insults! mainly about me but also my friends and family
  • always wanting a reaction so that she could then point to me as an abuser. e.g: screaming at me and throwing things until i removed myself into a seperate room where she followed me and recorded me without my knowlege as she taunted me until I yelled at her to leave me alone, then played back the recording to show me how poorly i talk her
• she told me so many times that my majors were not as difficult or as important and I "couldn't possibly understand" how much more effort and intellect it took for what she studied (we're both in college and I'm literally a double major!! if that matters)
  
  • told me she was embarrassed of me because my interests and hobbies weren't "resume-worthy"
  • belittled my morals and values, the things i thought were important whether they were big things or small, and my plans for the future
  • controlling to an INTENSE degree. e.g: getting upset with me because i wouldn't let HER floss MY teeth or threatening to break up with me because I wouldn't hide my stuffed animals in the closet when she came over
  • laughed and called me things like pathetic unstable when i would try to tell her certain things she said and did were hurting me. was just all around very cruel and mericless with her words to the point where I seriously think she was nearly incapable of empathy
  • she told me things about myself as if they were fact. this one is hard to explain but for instance: "you just let your s/o's walk all over you" or "youre just not a hard worker". it was said so causally and matter of factly that it wasn't even an insult just an absolute truth she had observed
  • things she admitted to before we broke up: when i opened up to her about my ex and things i went through as a child she later admitted that she was happy that i was "weak" and would tolerate poor treatment. she admitted that she would poke and taunt and yell her own mother until she got the reaction she wanted so that she point out "how crazy she was acting". she admitted to reading my journal the first time she came over to see the excerpts of my ex and, again, figure out just how badly she could treat me.
  • I do want to say that she never actually hit me or physically assualted me but she would often imitate in the moment that she was about to (partially because she wanted to hit me, and partially because she knew it would trigger me because I was abused as a child, again she admitted this part)
  • in arguments: deflected, shifted blame, gaslit, yelled, threw things, hit nearby objects, etc. these arguments would go in circles for hours with the topics ending up miles away from what the intital point was. things typically went from "that didnt happen" to "it did happen but i didnt mean it" to "i meant it but you deserved it". even when I gave in that wasn't enough, she would just leave and ignore me for a day or two
  • she often wouln't take accountability and instead would try to psychoanalyze why what she did upset me, blaming it on my childhood or my ex but never on her actions
  • profuse apologies afterwards. she always promised to stop and to go to therapy but that never happened. somehow she was able to do this without ever actually acknowleging that what she did was wrong
  • i won't go into detail but when it came to bedroom activites there were a few rare times when consent was ... unclear. especially near the end when she was often insistent that I would drink more (she was sober)
  • when i caught on to these patterns by calling her out for fake apologies, gaslighting, lying, manipulation, not taking the bait by reacting, sticking to my boundaries, not letting her deflect in arguments etc. she would throw full temper tantrums. screaming crying throwing herself on the ground type of tantrums. I was so drained at that point that all i could do was just sit and watch and wait for her to stop
  • her poor mom had gotten it for 20 years before me. she told me multiple times to get out of the relationship but i never listened. I hope shes doing well but i'm afraid that checking up on her might invite my ex back into my life

i'm sure that when i post this i'll think of a million more things but this is what i could think of off the top of my head sorry its so long. Writing this all out its so clear that this wasnt normal but i still constantly question whether im just erasing my own hand in it, refusing to acknowlege all the harmful things i did or how i somehow forced her to be this way, if i truly am just so delusional that i made all of this up because i want to be a victim, if i was the one who abused her first, if its my fault because i stayed and let it happen. and if none of those things are true then what do i do from here? I'm moved on and so insanely happy to be single and never have to interact with her again but i'm realizing more and more how much it has affected me.
tldr: my ex gf fits a ton of the criteria for an abuser but i still question whether i am making it up and/or if im the actual abuser just manipulating the situation for my own gain. if i'm not the abuser then how do i accept it and not be affected by it anymore?

I have BPD, and I am unable to care about others.
I have a friend who wants to work on helping his community and possibly being a therapist. That's great.
However, I honestly do not care enough to want to do that. I see a lot of people being nice to others and helping them, but I just honestly don't have that much of an urge to help out. In fact, empathy at this point feels like "If this happened to me, I'd feel sad and shitty, so I shall help this person out."
I do not feel the urge to take my life for a child, I don't want to give myself to others for a living, etc. I just... Don't care.
Also, I honestly don't care about what happened in my friend's day. If something shitty happened, then I'd like them to vent about it cause well what kind of friend am I if I don't let them vent?
When I make a friend, I usually have to answer these questions: Do I share similar interests to this friend? How much will this friend benefit me? Does this friend have enough time on their hands to spend time with me? Do I already have a friend?
If I already have a best friend (as I do now), then I'm not gonna be attached to other friends. Like, at all. In fact, it'll be a chore to talk to them. I only really like talking to one best friend and my partner.
I'm really selfish...
And honestly, I also don't want to fix it. I just want to know why it is happening. When I do feel empathy, it's extremely intense. I feel intense emotions about my partner, also.

Huge shout out to & for helping with Brainstorming and Co-Writing this.
As always, all credits for the original Nature of Predators and it's content goes to Space Paladin15, thank him for allowing artist and writers to use his original work of art for their own uses.
Gaian Ref Sheet-Here, Done by the artist
As well as a *Huge* thank you for Julian Skys for filling in for the editor for this chapter. I'll post a comment as to why I haven't been posting too much, safe to say though, kept ya waiting huh?
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[Subject Memory Transcription: Rux Limpbut, Venlil News Anchor and TV Show Host]
Date [Standardized Galactic(?) Time]:August 1st, 2136
Now I'm regretting not taking that transfer last week. This just keeps getting better.
I was in my car outside of the Network’s station. I was at my wits end yesterday and was trying my damnedest *not* to freak out on air. Now? Now I had the pleasure of my network telling me they needed me to come in way early to report on some breaking news. Just as I was about to leave for Solgaliks sake!
I took a small sip of the “coffee”. Now this was a blessing, coffeehouses on Gaia were open paw around, no matter what. I was giving a small prayer to those “ancestors” for their love of anything strong. Well, anything strong that wasn't alcohol. They could stomach one drink or two but after that? They were out.
Slurrrrrp
I let out a relieved sigh as the warm liquid flowed down my maw, the reward of caffeine soon following after this. Hopefully in time for the recording. With that I opened the door, grabbing my briefcase as I greedily drank the rest of the coffee as I approached the wide doors of the Networks station.
They creaked a little as they always did as I appeared in the doorway, a sleepy, overworked ghost. I tossed the coffee cup into the trashcan by the door as I nodded over the after work plans that I had to either postpone, or completely not do.
No bar time, going to be too tired. Not going to have enough time to do more digging in what that Farsulian diplomat released, even after it's been nearly two months. Brahk. Still need to be ready for the shift tomorrow-
“Rux?” The front desk secretary pulled me up and out of my thoughts as I blinked a couple of times, my ears raising as one of my eyes focused on her, a bit frizzled from the overtime I was clocking at the moment.
“Hm? Oh. Hey Liakal, caught me off guard almost as bad as the padcall I got. What's up?” I rubbed my eye as I fully focused on her, making my way over to her.
“Well, whenever you're ready for them they'll give you all you need, apparently, when you get into the studio. What they told me is uh, it's not a pleasant amount of news.” She nervously played with her claws and her headset, her lips quivering a bit.
“That bad? Speh. What about that uh, guest? She gets off-”
“O-oh! Mrs Tarva. She got off the planet easily. I can't say anything else though Rux. They said whatever they have to tell is very, very pertinent not to be let loose until you broadcast it… sorry Rux.”
I patted the top of the semi circle desk that Liakal was sat into, before giving her a quick, albeit small smile with a finger gun before I quickly deflated. It was that bad. With a nod from me I departed into the hallway to the left of the front desk, approaching one of the elevators.
A button press, a chime and the feeling of gravity and anxiousness about to make me hurl later, I was on the floor with the studios. I retraced the steps I had taken only claws before to mine. The green sign saying “Predator Problems” told me I hadn't failed as usual. Something had to be done with our program and segment name, if for nothing else there was apparently much more juicy stuff to talk about.
Opening the door, I expected the hustling and scrambling of the cameramen, the lighting crew, audio specialists. But nothing except a small huddled group of uniformed men. Brahk, I was hoping this wasn't the case but I was never that lucky. I resigned myself to fate as the group finally paid attention to me, and the door clicking and shutting behind me.
“Mr. Rux. Please come over here and sit. You're all good, we just need to go over what we need you to announce in this upcoming impromptu broadcast.” Why the hell were the Gaians on Prime? Wait no. That's not the problem. Why are officers from their military here? Oh stars.
However I could feel my body coming towards the oval shaped table. Eventually knocking into a chair and pulling it out, resting my briefcase onto the ground and taking a seat, pulling up to the desk. I rested my paws on it as I gave a look to the group assembled around it.
All were wearing roughly the same uniform, their fur patterns one of the only differing things between them. Aside from the one at the end of the table. They wore a green beret atop their head, nestled in between the horns that adorned it. They cleared their throat and slid a small packet of papers towards me, startling me a tiny bit.
“While I wish to be polite and respectful, there's simply no way to say this without being blunt. Sole Speaker Jikem is dead. With the current atmosphere on Gaia we thought it'd be best to announce the formation of an emergency government and a leader to head it. All of which has been done in a roundabout manner so as to not alert any radicals or terrorists.”
I had only taken a cursory glance at the front of the small packet before that bombshell of an information was dropped onto me nonchalantly. My paw was halfway to the front page to turn it before my gaze looked up at the Gaian at the end of the oval table who had done so.
“What? Sorry can you-”
“Rux. Come on, you know what I said. Now, I know it isn't everypaw that you get to report on the death of a head of state, let alone be the first one to do so. I'll most certainly give you that. So, we'll give you some time alone…well mostly, to get acquainted with the packet and once you and your crew are roaring to go we'll release the news to the Commonwealth.”
I took a small lookover of the second page but had to pause for a short moment again as I took it in. Yes, yes I did have some questions. Half from the large info dropped on me and the other half that I was now reading with my very own eyes now.
Before they could fully get up I had worked up the courage to get a short clearing of the throat and read out of the lines in the packet out aloud after I had decided it would be better to ask now rather than after. “In conjunction with recent attacks the Armed forces has decided to-” I put down the packet in its entirety now.
“What in the stars could you possibly mean by “safeguarding” democracy? This just seems to be some type of justification for a military takeover. I mean, who's going to fall for this?”
The chairs of the small clique of officers seem to find themselves filled once more as they returned to their positions, most of them now gazing between me, some random crew member scurrying near me and the head honcho with the green beret.
The intensity of the stare of the Gaian at the opposite end of the table seemed to intensify, seemingly his gaze looking through me. “Mr. Rux, I can assure you any such speculation to that matter and that, frankly, justified if albeit imaginary fear is going to be the last thing people on Gaia are going to worry about. Alright?”
I anxiously nodded back, sighing. “L-look I'm just-”
The Bereted officer seemed to nod while holding up his paw, my line of reasoning and thought being stopped by the intrusion. “Worried, you ancestors are always worried. It's why we're here, yes? Anything too dangerous or otherwise unsafe we've always volunteered for so as to save our more cultured self from such. Think about this announcement like that. A warning and an update from our side of the Commonwealth about current affairs, nothing more, nothing less.”
With that it seemed settled for the time being, as the small clique once again rose, and this time was actually able to depart to the booth that overlooked the studio, keeping what I was sure to guess a keen pair of eyes to observe anything.
I settled into my seat more as I gave the small packet a read. It was general stuff as of this point when it came to announcements. Why it's happening, what happened in more details, what they planned to do in the upcoming future, all that juicy stuff. Overall a very plain, if very informative script to go by. Still, being the first to announce the death of a head of state via “Unnatural Causes” would make even some of the most resolved Gaians a bit jumpy, yes?
Once I finally gave the entirety of the packet a quick read over I sat it down giving a glance to my, by now, very familiar set that we used for “Predator Problems”, the entire reason for why I had started it had been to educate and warn people about what to do with predators and the like. Now I was going to have to educate them, apparently, about the fact that our “brothers” in species so to speak were having a bit of topsy-turvy time on their capital planet. Now I was kinda hoping I was one of the more conspiracy theorist nut jobs just so I didn't have to get contacted.
Resigning myself to fate, and the fact that apparently I of all Vens was the most level headed to announce this, I looked over the studio, eventually finding the small group of uniformed men again. I got up and out of the chair as I made my way over to them, flicking my tail into a questioning sign as I did so, my approaching presence quickly noticed.
“Seems like you've got some questions, you read the packet though yeah?” One of them said, I simply signaled a yes with my ears to respond.
“So, is this immediately being aired? Or is it being aired later on tomorrow-well, this paw? Should it be the first thing or the last thing or is it the only thing I'm doing for this one?” With these questions the small clique seemed to talk in-between themselves, small glances were made in my general direction, they seemed to come to some type of conclusion though as they turned back to me, the bereted one now taking center stage again once more.
“Yes. It's being immediately aired. You do realize you are a bit of a celebrity on Gaia, yes? A special breaking news from you would certainly draw the right eyes. Then it'll spread from there. We do have other stuff for you to read, but it'll appear on the prompter. Other than that though we'll take our leave once everything is said and done.”
I gave a small thanks to Solgalik, as that would mean I would be able to go back home and get at least a claw or two of rest. Speh, if I just slept here I could get an extra one easy. But I didn't have much time to dwell on that, instead I apparently had a job to do right now.
With that bit of information I decided to go around, talking to the crew, who as of this point has finally settled down and has stopped scattering from the Gaians. A small conversation with each helped us plan out the next few tantalizingly painful minutes that were about to unfold live on air.
With everything and everyone in place, I took my seat at the curved table in the middle of the cameras, getting my little tie ready. With a countdown from 3, I settled into my on screen persona as the red lights of the cameras went on.
“Good Paw to everyone tuning in! I'm your host as always, Rux Limpbut, and this is Predator problems. This time though, we do have some breaking news that we need to get to. So with that being said, I suppose it's time for me to get to it.”
I straightened my back, placing my paws firmly as I closed my eyes, breathing in and then opening my eyes again.
Alright. Just gotta break the news that the head of state of the other half of our Commonwealth is dead and their Army just decided to seize power for democracy's sake.
“I have some sad, and what some can and should be saying is unsettling, news. Sole Speaker Jikem of the Gaian Cooperative, has died earlier this paw. Details are scarce and hard to come by as of this point, but from preliminary reports and investigations, it seems as though he *may* have been assassinated while at a checkpoint. As many of you know he was elected on a lockstep ticket with the current governor of Venlil Prime, Veln. He oversaw the last closing years of the Dominion-Federation war, as well as the beginning of closer federation ties. Many people are bound to ask as of this point what is going to happen, and the easiest and most truthful answer is…we don't know.”
I shuffled some papers, discarding the packet to the side of the table before continuing on with the information I was to spout out.
“Already reports are coming in that the Armed Forces of Gaia have declared a state of emergency and already there are rumblings that they have formed… an emergency government?”
I gave a bit of a confused look before continuing, I could see the group of uniformed Gaians nodding as I did so, apparently that was good enough for them.
The rest of the news report was generally a bit unsettling, or at least info packed by many people's standards. Updates on the federation at large, some reports on the status of the Venian Commonwealth and what was the plan going forward and before I knew it the red blinking light on the cameras had vanished, and the lights overhead had dimmed.
“Alright, that's good for us. We'll have one of our guys stay over the paw to help your team edit it but other than that? You can head on home.” The bereted one informed me, before signalling to one of the clique, most likely the one to stay here and “help” us edit.
I rested back in my chair and closed my eyes, I think it was time for me to get some shuteye.
—----------
Smoke billows out from the mouth of the Uniformed figure, a lit cigar cradled in his claws. He takes a survey of the trio gathered in front of him.
“So.” The figure grunts out, leaning back into his chair.
“So, what?” One of the trio asks inquisitively, shifting in their seat.
“So now what? Not many paws you get to make a masterstroke of a situation like this. Sole speaker is dead, people are looking to any type of stability and we perfectly fill the slot.” The Uniformed figure takes the cigar up to his mouth, smoking it lightly.
“Well there are numerous concerns.” The most center of the trio speak.
“Like what to do with those brahking predators that apparently still exist.” To the right of the first speaker.
“I vote we integrate them posthaste!” And finally the one on the other end.
A thick billowing cloud of smoke escapes the lips of the Uniformed figure, fidgeting for a moment before rolling forward. His face now fully lit.
“Gentlemen. Calm down. We have plenty of problems with plenty of solutions. But that's why you put me in charge of this little emergency government anyhow right? Levelheaded, warhero, clean political record.”
The trio murmur for a moment before returning a nod, the middle one piping up as he did so.
“Yes, that is why we decided to throw our towel in with you Marshal.”
The Uniformed figure now places his elbows on the table, his paws bridging each other while the cigar is still in-between in his paws.
“That's Marshal-at-Arms Jyuvernik to you. Now where were we? Ah right. The Dark corner. I want you to send a diplomatic team to assess the cattle debacle.”

This is a question for those in the country who coop and fence in your chickens. We're planning out our homestead and I'm getting 3 hens in a week, just got a solid coop with a little run that a friend has and says it's excellent at keeping out predators. So I'm content with free ranging for now and letting them out in the morning, locking them in at night. Long term though, we were thinking of having them in a run and then not worrying about closing up the coop at night. But I'm assuming that would mean needing to invest in making the run a much more intense fortress, burying wire at the fence, ect? If you have a run in the country, what do you do? (I'm in Michigan if that makes a difference.) Do you still lock them in the coop? Do you let them do their thing and only worry about watefood/eggs? We're trying to evaluate if making the run will actually take away the need to let them out in the morning and lock them up at night or if it just makes more sense to let them free range and lock them in the coop.

I found out not too long ago that I am a 6/2 emotional projector and so much makes sense in my life! I feel I have a very repelling and intense aura, which has made relationships and just fitting in really hard throughout my life. My question is: can your aura be more or less intense based on your gates, channels, and conditioning?

I grew up in an extreme fundamentalist church. My entire life as a child was heavily censored - music, books, tv, movies, video games, etc. Now that I am a parent I am trying to figure more appropriate approach for my own child. I don’t believe in censoring “bad” language as I believe cuss words are a religious construct. I also don’t believe in hiding alternative viewpoints, instead I ask questions to help them think through what they are hearing or seeing. I also wanted to let my child be in the driver’s seat for taking on scary themes (still kid genre stuff). My child pretty much self- selects what they are comfortable with. I have no passwords on Netflix or Hulu and I don’t worry at all about what they watch. My child hates scary shows, so until recently they only watched cartoons and stuff that is boring AF. They are getting older and school friends are starting to get into stories and shows with scarier themes. My child has pushed into some more intense books and shows lately. It’s caused many nightmares and late nights. Initially I felt the experience would help them self-correct and go back to their comfort zone. However, that’s not really happening. It’s been a month and sleep is getting super disrupted. I am navigating an entirely different approach with my kid than I grew up with. Wondering for those that escaped fundy-land, how do you balance freedom and exploration with your kids?

I am an MS EE Integrated Circuits student admitted to both Northwestern and the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor. Both are strong EE programs so I'm having a hard time deciding. I want to go to industry after graduation. Not really into pursuing a PhD and cost is a non-factor. Here's a little info for both programs. Which one should I go?
Northwestern EE:
Pros:

• Course flexibility (can take courses from various fields such as Machine Learning, Cyber Security, Robotics, and IoT)
• Degree requirements are not restricting (need 6 units of any ECE courses and 6 units of any elective courses)
• Have the option to purse Thesis MS Degree, project-based degree, or course-based degree
• A lot of classes are project based. Lots of hands-on opportunities.
• Courses seem very interesting and diverse within Integrated Circuits (ASIC, Digital, Analog, VLSI, PCB, Solid State, Nano, Mixed-Signal)
• Can get a master's minor in various topics (entrepreneurship, engineering management, cyber security, etc)
• Flexibility in my specialization
• Smaller classes (1:9 faculty-student ratio), Small cohort (10-12 students)
• Chicago – great food, activities, and diverse people
• Good public transportation
• Travelling back to home is more accessible
• Can finish program in one year (Sept to June)
• Ranked #9 in overall university rankings

Cons:

• Engineering Career Fair seems to be lacking
• Not many top tech companies come to recruit on-campus
• No specific ECE career fair
• Ranked #17 - Graduate Engineering School
• Quarter system (seems to give more breath on courses and is more intense)

Michigan ECE:
Pros:

• World renowned faculty
• Great Advising and Career office
• Lot of big companies come to recruit (NVIDIA, Apple, Qualcomm, Intel, etc)
• Multiple career fairs and have ECE specific career fair
• Semester system
• Ranked #4 – Electrical Engineering School
• Ranked #7 - Graduate Engineering School
• One of the best ECE schools in the world
• Can be completed in one year (Aug to May)
• EECS 427: VLSI Design I course is highly regarded in the eyes of industry recruiters

Cons:

• Coursework is more restrictive (have to choose from a pre-determined list of courses: 9 credits from a list of core courses, 7 credits from a list of non-cores ECE courses, 4 credits from a list of 5 project-based courses, 6 credits from a list of entrepreneurship courses)
• Courses do not seem as interesting and are more time consuming
• Can't get credit for research due to MEng degree
• My specialization cannot change (Microelectronics and Integrated Circuits)
• Less accessibility to travel home
• Might have issues with transportation

Follow-Up Questions:

1. What big tech companies come to recruit at NU (hardware roles)?
2. What support does the engineering career office offer to NU students?
3. Should the difference in ranking be a big consideration?
4. How does NU set one up for success with recruiting?

Sorry if this is a very long read. I appreciate any advice, thanks!

I've decided on the 61 key korg microkey.. not sure yet about "air" vs wired. My question is: which ipad.
this is just for portable practice for my nephew. He has a real piano, so no need to tell me this doesn't replicate that (in case you were gonna : ) ) .. so I need to decide on which ipad to buy.
I'd like it to be, at the newest, something with lightning port and separate headphone jack. I have the right dongle to get the korg midi usb out into the ipad already.
So, lets say I get him a ** 7th gen regular ipad ** (the oldest one that will run the newest iOS, 17) .. that's an A10 fusion chip.. will there be latency when he plays the korg microkey with midi out? will it be able to work with the microkey air wirelessly?
separately.. this thing is probs going to be un-updatable soon.. how do we get garageband recordings off of it besides icloud? can i like..share an mp3 track with whatsapp or telegram or some such? or am i stuck in icloud/airdrop to another apple device only land..
lastly, any other virtual instruments/vst pianos you recommend i should buy? maybe less resource intensive than using garageband ones for live practice?
thanks so so much !

I know a lot of us like to keep our trucks in decent shape, but guys who have labor intensive jobs and cloth seats, how do you keep your truck clean ish/stink free? lol. Buy leather next time?
I’m sure it’s a crazy question, but throwing a towel over your seat just isn’t enough sometimes. One work truck and one home truck? Ha ha.

So, you said Lord Nicholas has no personality, which is true lol, but since I'm the devil's advocate, I took that as a challenge. Make yourself comfortable for a long read. Have some popcorn.
Why is this guy more of a tragic character, rather than a villain? And how does a man lose identity, and becomes a monster through desperation? I'll answer this for you below.
• Throughout Plague Tale Innocence, there are various signs that although he is personally close to Vitalis (no use of titles or formalities when speaking to each other) he is the execution, and not the mastermind behind the plans. For example, when Hugo's Macula was to be tested, he urged Vitalis on to put an end to the plague already, they are not here to play games.
• In the very same chapter, we get a little insight on what he believes and thinks about the conflict between the Inquisition and the De Runes. He doesn't understand why Beatrice De Rune resists their persuasion for information regarding the Macula, since their goals are shared -> ending the Plague. Ultimately, he blindly believes Vitalis wants to control the Plague to save them. And he does anything, ANYTHING to make that happen.
Commit genocide against peasants, and in the end, even go as far as killing Hugo.
Now, let's take a little turn to make a background check for this guy. Or at least what is hinted, and what can be assumed with intuition and theories.
• Like I mentioned before, him and Vitalis are personally close, and in the preultimate chapter of Plague Tale: Innocence, after his death, guards talk about him in the city. They are confused why Vitalis hasn't sent anyone for his search (I'll get to that one later), since he was his Protégé. This alone in itself wouldn't mean anything, but right after that a guard added "Maybe he found himself another Protégé" regarding Hugo of course.
Since this game is about innocence and children, it's almost safe to assume that Nicholas likely got taken under Vitalis' wings just as Hugo was now in the present. That would explain why they are close, and why Nicholas blindly trusts his master. Another dialogue backs this up, between the Arch Bishop and Vitalis. "Puppets like you will kneel and beg me to save them." and look who appears and kneels right there and then? Lord Nicholas. This is my theory, I can back it up but it isn't 100% surely true of course. Take it with a pinch of salt please.
• Now, time to get to why Vitalis didn't send anyone after Nicholas' disappearance... We saw nothing of the two months Hugo spent in the Bastion, but based on the Cathedral's state, it's safe to assume things didn't go that well with controlling the Macula. The plan was to get Hugo through the threshold finally, so that the Conjuration can begin. (Note to self: another essay later about that one). Although they tried to push Hugo through with hurting his mother, it didn't work. Because of this, Vitalis tasked Nicholas with taking Hugo to his sister, to end her life. This is simple, but it doesn't stop here.
In the chapter Blood Ties (where we control Hugo), we already meet an impatient Nicholas who wants to put an end to the Plague. Not only that, but let me get to one crucial sentence told by Vitalis. "Nicholas... You cannot understand." This hints at the disagreements between the two, and that Nicholas is not indulged in how this should be done. Nicholas tries to help Vitalis up, but he rejects the help too. It's quite symbolic for the one-sided trust between the two. Due to this growing mistrust, and how Vitalis didn't expect Nicholas to come back after his mission later on, to me it seems like Vitalis cut the ties and sent him exactly to his death to get rid of him.
• Vitalis' plan was never to get rid of Hugo once they pass the threshold ("I have a lot to teach the Carrier, and his friends."), and knew well, that Nicholas has no chance against Hugo and Amicia with the rats alongside them. He sent the man who trusted him the most to his death, and with that also chose his ultimate protégé - Hugo. It's also likely that Nicholas' mistrust grew because his position in the hierarchy was compromised, since it's likely Vitalis got obsessed with Hugo, and Nicholas almost realized he is played with. There is also the idea, that Vitalis sent him away to actually save him from the white rats he meant to send on the crowd anyway. Anyway, Vitalis is for another essay...
• The betrayed, the sacrificed. Who is he? There is absolutely little we know of him, except for his title and occupation. What always speaks in Plague Tale: Innocence though, is the design. I mean look at that drip- sorry.. In "A Making of Plague Tale: Innocence" the creative developers mention the importance of faces, and overall pure, intuitive impressions we get of our characters.
• There is only one character whose face we never see, and that is Nicholas. That doesn't only play as a psychological trick to make him more terrifying, but also hints at certain points. First of all, his robes are Dominican. This is historically fitting (although there were no dominican knights) since Dominicans were those entrusted by the Church to handle trials against heresy and begin inquisitions. This also hints that he is very religious and dedicated to serving the (assumed) good. I know, no way. Let's not forget about how faded out it is, or bloody. In NO way he is a good guy, but a tragic believer? Likely. Under the robes is the armour, which is hit all around. It's no news we talk about a very experienced and efficient knight who also happens to be serving Vitalis (NOT the Church! Explained in another essay, chill.). Knights start their training at 7, and only nobles are in for the job, obviously. I made the connection, that since he likely knows Vitalis from his childhood, and his training also began when he was 7 years old, and his name was Nicholas...
Side note: In medieval times, children were named after Saints to inwoke their blessing, in this case, among many things, protecting children.
It's likely that he himself, just like those he hunts, was an orphan, perhaps even a sinner, who had to be saved by none else, than Vitalis. Give it a thought, maybe he was a lost little boy like Hugo, whose innocence was stolen way too early. With how Plague Tale likes to play with irony and parallels between characters, I don't see this as unlikely.
• All in all, he is what his occupation is, and nothing human. He is the machine that serves. The cross, the judgement. We cannot see his face, because he has no identity except what Vitalis gave him. His role, his title, his mission (perhaps even name). As it can be seen, Hugo too, was dressed in robes showing the Inquisition's sign, like a mark of ownership over him.
• From the very start of the story, he was the representative of that time's barbaric cruelty, unforgiving, misplaced judgement. And as though from the children's perspective he was a monster from the very beginning, how did it go down? As I said before, he has no identity except his committment, and through that his morals, ambitions are shown. At the very start, they ambushed the De Rune estate, and we CANNOT know, if the violance was planned beforehand or it came due to Robert's resistance.
People were taken hostage for questioning, the goal was to capture Hugo, the Carrier, and Beatrice, the only one who can help them understand the plague's origins. It was bloody, but after this chapter, you can hear guards clearly say "capture children" and not just Hugo. Now, unbelivably, I don't think he wanted Amicia bad at the start. They confront each other in the English camp for the second time (where he paid a ransom for both of them), where he tries to negotiate with her to give them Hugo and stop running. Later his methods change, telling the plain truth that there is nowehere for her to go out there (These methods of convincing show a lot of personality and insight especially in the boss fight).
Later on, it's mentioned Vitalis is going hard on him but "he is used to it". Again, their shared history is hinted. The hunt for Hugo is fruitless still, and the plague is spreading day-by-day.
Next we hear from him, is in the chapter where we visit the city with Amicia. Or rather, that he is not exactly participating in the mission killing the sick. Since him and Vitalis disagree with methods of solving the Plague, and he is occupied with catching Hugo, there is a possibility this order of slaughter was carried out without his consent. Though, this is a high take and it would be totally in character to do such a task in the means of self-preservation.
Amicia's visions of him from Penance is not reliable, but at the very same time she clearly dreamed what happened and it's likely she mixed reality with hallucinations from exhaust. If, the hallucinations were true, that means Hugo did hear Amicia, but Nicholas directly diverted his attention from her and led him away.
It's hard to speculate if he did this to let nature do its work, or to actually show mercy, which is equally possible, since it was clear from the beginning that even though she killed his men, he knew she is simply running and kills as a means to survive.
Now, as I explained earlier, many things go down when Hugo resides in the Bastion, and we can only guess what that causes. I mentioned Nicholas' growing distrust, now let me introduce you to the psychological denial he experiences during the boss fight, along with his reflections pointing at the children. The man, becoming the monster. The fire (another essay since fire in Plague Tale is symbolic) causing him to destroy himself.
In the chapter Remembrance he goes to the Château d'Ombrage along Hugo, to ensure the boy passes the threshold with killing his sister, with this enabling Vitalis to pass as well. At first, Nicholas is quite calm and confident, sending Hugo to kill her "Go, and do what has to be done.". Interestingly, despite this, he still has his sword prepared, which shows he still doesn't trust Hugo. Later on, he knocks Arthur out, but doesn't kill him senselessly, despite the fiasco at the English camp. He takes Amicia to Hugo, and now threatens him to kill her, or else he kills his mother in front of him. After that, he tells him, if Hugo does as he tells him so, maybe Vitalis keeps him by his side.
This could hint that only by accomplishments such as this, and proving devotion, can one remain important in Vitalis' eyes. Also, that maybe, Nicholas had to go through something similar, "She means nothing to you now".
Doubts and frantic impatience take hold, which ultimately lead him to take matters into his own hands. He decides to kill her, himself. As he pushes Hugo away, she calls him a bastard, which he then turns back at her, to question her morality and self-righteousness. She betrayed him, that is why he gave himself up. It can be perhaps far-fetched, but this also can count as self-reflection already. Betrayal -> causing giving up, which happens later to him too.
After Arthur "takes care of him" (not exactly...) and the siblings reunite, Nicholas wakes up and this time, immediately kills Arthur. The death is not just a shock value as many believe, it also shows the already progressing monster stepping forth, and losing humanity entirely.
The boss fight has three phases. His methods at provoking the children, and self-reflect change and become way more intense with time.
In the first phase, he tries to separate them and tells Amicia that he knows it must be difficult to live in the Carrier's shadow. Also, that they are terrified. He is poking at her most vulnerable place, their biggest fear, which's "face" is ultimately him. Also, reminding Amicia of her biggest desire, that is to be acknowledged by her parents. Especially this can count as self-reflective, since as I said earlier Nicholas likely noticed Hugo is slowly replacing him in Vitalis' eyes. The wish to excell, and be acknowledged for the devotion is a deep scar this character could carry. He also reminds them of how their father died, to remind them of honour, which Nicholas obviously has a twisted sense of.
In the second phase, his first voice line shows surprise and fear, and anger in response to those feelings. He is more reckless and aggressive too. Here, again, he manipulatively reminds them how little they can do, and threatens them. This is both calculated and instinctual, since he says such things to bring the children out of their hiding places, but at the very same time also because he is slowly losing himself. There are also lines which can be reflective to his beliefs and assumptions based on himself, such as: "Your sister won't be able to save you child.... You are alone." There were already connections made between how Vitalis saved him, and if one puts it all together, this line shows how he doesn't believe in the siblings' bond, because his own bond with Vitalis broke, and Nicholas is (alike to Hugo) alone. Or there is also the line "What do you think you can do? You are nothing. [...]" I wanted to highlight this line because Plague Tale (among many other things) is about the helplessness one faces trying to protect loved ones, and/or trying to rewrite their fates. The fact that Nicholas dehumanizes them entirely, shows he knows the fact one, them or him, cannot change the course that has been set, but he is still in denial trying to fight it (a lot like Amicia in Requiem, by the way. Also, fire (this is why that needs another essay....).
In the third phase, he becomes uncharacteristically reckless and desperate, where he succumbs to the wrath and, his fate. "Come to me, come into my arms my dear children." His sanity decreases and he knows death is unavoidable. The question left is whenever he can bring them down with himself or fails. And failure, is unacceptable. He is better dead, than failed. "I will teach you the meaning of sacrifice" this line shows that likely, he accepted his last quest knowing well he is going to die probably. That he rather burns himself, bring hell, than letting go. He keeps shouting the motto of his order, because that is the only thing that he clings to. It's pathetic and forced, inhumane. "[...] We'll die together" <-> "I will boil your blood until it spurts from your eyes", "You are going to pay, [...]" by this time, he keeps switching tactics at approaching and luring them out, frantic and monstrous. His words mean nothing by this time and desperation takes hold. What line of him is the purest, rawest, and most honest, between all the threads and claims, self-convincing attempts to maintain devoted is this: "The pain... To feel oneself alive... And deliver death." This line might seem like one among the many terrible threats, but it in fact shows his deepest belief. That is, of pain and life. Sacrifice and death. That those who live, have to kill, and that is what it means to exist in this world.
• In Plague Tale Innocence and Requiem, we see Amicia's development into a murderer who follows similarly blind committments.
She ultimately becomes, what she condemned, and what caused her great misery. What, in the end, she herself becomes if Hugo doesn't lead her on the right path. A monster.
So, to sum it all up, Lord Nicholas represents the human being of that time, whose identity is what he serves, and nothing else.
It makes one selfless, righteous, but at what cost? Violence spreads from one person to another, while everyone tries to save what is precious to them. Hope this helped seeing him as more human and with more personality. Cheers. A few more points I couldn't exactly integrate are the following:
• A few things showing the underlying morality and plain intentions: at first he tried to negotiate with both Robert, Amicia, and Beatrice as well. He condones stealing entirely. He doesn't kill Arthur at first.
• In the concept art he is left handed. In Middle Ages, left handed people were considered sinful, since it was the "devil's hand". This added with the self-punishing- self-destructive-Catholic mindset, added with his devotion, signs that he is penitent, and does what he should for a greater good, a salvation, and carries the burden of "sacrifice".

** This is a brand new build. **

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.

• Gaming. I don't play very intensive games as my current PC can't really handle them. LoL, Hearthstone, Rocket League, Phasmophobia and Chess? However, with a stronger pc I want to be able to run games such as the infamous Cyberpunk 2077 on a good (QHD+)quality with 120+fps. Aside from gaming, I need the build to have a strong CPU (Probably a Ryzen 7 7800X3D) for handling CPU-based Chess engines like Stockfish. I also need the build to have a strong GPU for handling GPU-based Chess engines like Leela. The build should also be able to handle AI image creation tools such as Stable Diffusion, although this is not a priority over the gaming and chess needs. I will be handling p2p torrents for things like seeding public Linux ISO's on a Bittorrent client, so ample storage size and speed are a pro. Finally, the build's monitor and hardware should be able to support an external blu-ray player (and perhaps games) at 4K quality.

What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?

• €3500 - €4000 VAT included. If my needs are met without reaching this amount, then obviously I'm already happy. Preferred range €2000-€3000.

When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.

• A.S.A.P.

What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)

• Almost everything that a desktop gaming PC needs, as I currently have an old laptop with a shitty mouse. Included in the budget are; Tower, Monitor, Motherboard, CPU/GPU/Case cooling, Storage cards, Memory cards and PSU.

Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?

• The Netherlands, right in the middle of the country. (It's a small country so I don't think it really affects that much. If it does, let me know) * ABSOLUTELY NO AMAZON PURCHASES * Reliable local vendors include Megekko, Alternate and Azerty.

If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.

• An older Razer Kraken headset which I'm not quite satisfied with. Using the headphone jack results in bad mic quality and worse audio than when using the headset as intended. (putting in an USB and turning on the headset, resulting in a few hours of use before it's empty) If you guys have recommendations, let me know. I'm a big fan of anything that I don't need to charge A.K.A. wired goodies. I will also be bringing a Razer Ornata mechanical keyboard. Although I'm satisfied with the keyboard, I can't bring myself to fully use it's functions (custom RGB stuff), since I've come to dislike Razer's software and it's impact on performance. Maybe if the new pc can actually handle processes running in the background my view on this will change. I won't be bringing anything else.

Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?

• Eventually yes. my current laptop doesn't even allow overclocking (thanks HP) but I do want the option to overclock the CPU and GPU to unlock their full potential when in a few years time I want a performance boost. Or just do it now, I haven't decided yet. But I do want the option to do it!

Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)

• For Stockfish, I want at least AVX-512 support on the CPU. I'm pretty tech illiterate though, so if it means that's out of budget, please tell me. For leela, I want CUDA support. I think that means a Nvidia GPU, preferably 4070 or highebetter. I want at least 2 TB storage but preferably more like 4 TB. Prioritize storage amount over speed. I'm used to ancient HDD speeds so I don't necessarily need gen5 SSDs to already feel a huge improvement. Please no HDDs. I want the build to be quiet, although I'm used to a lot of noise. (laptop fans work overtime, all the time) The tower can be any size to fit the build, although I'd prefer the build not to include RTX 4090, since I think those would automatically increase case size.

What type of network connectivity do you need? (Wired and/or WiFi) If WiFi is needed and you would like to find the fastest match for your wireless router, please list any specifics.

• I want support for high speed WiFi. I am really illiterate when it comes to wifi/ethernet speeds, but I trust you guys can help me out. I do want to set up fibre + ethernet in the future(I think 10GB LAN Ethernet), but for now I'm stuck with Wifi 6 due to no ethernet cables in walls.

Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?

• Go wild! But do try to keep away from excessive RGB. Actually, I do prefer on having as little RGB as possible, unless as aforementioned it limits options.

Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?

• It is not included in the budget. But I will be getting Windows 11 Pro.

Extra info or particulars:

• Please no RTX 4090 unless it still fits the budget and the tower. if it means having a bigger tower I would rather have a smaller tower and no RTX 4090.
  
• Thank you for reading! I'm open for any questions. Personally I have been compiling and discarding part lists for the past few weeks as I keep stumbling upon more information and getting distracted. I hope you guys can help me make a decision after procrastinating for weeks and weeks. Cya
  

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• Armani Code Parfum (75ml) - $75
• Boss The Scent Absolute (100ml) full pres sprayed a couple times - $55
• BVLGARI Man Terrae Essence (100ml) full pres. Sprayed once - $55
• Creed Royal Mayfair (120ml) Batch/Lot: A8116D01 Full pres Sprayed twice - $300
• Dior Sauvage EDP (100ml) - $90
• Dior Sauvage Parfum (100ml) - $100
• Dolce & Gabbana The One Grey EDT (50ml) full pres - $45
• Gucci Intense Oud (90ml) full pres - $100
• Kenzo Homme EDP 2016 Version (100ml) full pres - $45
• Mancera Lemon Line (120ml) see pics for levels - $55
• Mancera Aoud Blue Notes (120ml) see pics for levels - $70
• Mancera Hindu Kush (120ml) see pics for levels - $55 SPF
• Paco Rabanne 1 Million Royal (50ml) - $60
• Paco Rabanne 1 Million Parfum (100ml) - $65
• Parfums de Marly Layton Exclusif (73ml/75ml) full pres batch# 1020003 - $130
• Xerjoff Accento Overdose (100ml) sprayed twice - $130
• YvesSaintLaurent (YSL) La Nuit De L'Homme Le Parfum (100ml) full pres - $95
• YvesSaintLaurent (YSL) L'Homme Eau de Parfum (100ml) - $75
• YvesSaitLaurent (YSL) L'Homme Le Parfum (40ml) - $60

Has anyone tried this? I'm trying to make some infused rums and/or syrups, and I've come across the claim that infusing rum with dried fruits results in a sweeter and more intense flavor.
I ... have questions. Obviously, you'd want to pick the best quality fruit and avoid any that use artificial preservatives, but does it actually work? I'm also worried that the flavor would be a little heavy and dense, rather than bright like you want in a tiki drink.