SOME BACKGROUND:
I'm going to be upfront; the one thing truly stopping me from saying I am autistic with full certainty is my lack of an official diagnosis, despite having the knowledge that one does not need to be diagnosed to be autistic. I'm almost entirely certain after about 8 or so years of consideration. I'm attempting to seek a diagnosis not only for personal validation though, but also to have something concrete to give to my parents. For now, I consider myself self-diagnosed, though I've given my psychiatrist a 20 page document detailing why I believe I would benefit from a proper evaluation as well as all of the experiences and the collection of traits I have that I attribute to being autistic.
For some background: I am 20 and AFAB, transmasc but presenting as female due to not being out of the closet. I am Vietnamese and part of the first generation in my family to be born in America. My parents and grandparents were born and raised in Vietnam, and thus were raised with a very different culture surrounding things such as mental health and disability compared to the information I've had access to growing up in the US. I still live with my parents and am struggling with already diagnosed mental health issues including major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, unspecified ADHD, and an unspecified trauma disorder. Because of the language and cultural barrier, my parents are really only aware of the depression in name, and the ADHD they understand even less. They are trying their best, though my dad hasn't looked at any of the resources I've sent him about ADHD or autism in my attempts to help him understand better.
On my dad in particular: he has always been the kind to believe in toughing things out and simply trying harder. Over the years he has grown to be more understanding, especially as my mental health issues grew to degrees that became harder to hide, but we have a history in terms of what I'm about to describe re: my very recent meltdown.
WHAT HAPPENED:
The day before Mother's Day, my dad sprung up on me without warning that me and my younger brother were going over to our paternal grandparents' house to wish our grandmother a happy Mother's Day. This immediately upset me not because I didn't want to go, but because I hadn't had the time to mentally prepare myself for the shift in my routine—I had only done so for the actual date of Mother's Day. I've asked my family before that I am told ahead of time when plans to go out of the house where I'm involved are made, preferably at least a day beforehand. Unfortunately, my family is comprised of very spontaneous people who tend to make plans on the fly.
I made it clear I was fairly upset about not being told ahead of time to my mother, who thanked me when I got up to get ready to go. Something about being thanked for this was the final nail in the coffin for the upset that was gripping me. I think it was the idea that she knew full well that I was attempting to set aside my own comforts(? for lack of a better term) for the sake of family normality; something that I've had to do often.
I had a quiet breakdown in the bathroom while I washed myself, which came with the annoyance of how snotty tears would make you. Very annoying when bowing your head to wash your hair. I've had practice locking myself in the bathroom to have my breakdowns in a private place where I couldn't be walked in on and then questioned, because I always knew that I could never explain why I was having such a disproportionate reaction, especially given the cultural barrier. It would all seem stupid, immature, selfish, spoiled, and an overreaction. My plan was to cry it out in the shower and come back out after composing myself so we could leave. Tried and true method. I bit the back of my hands—to stifle my crying, to give myself a physical sensation to ground myself with, some combination of those two. It helped only a little bit.
As it turns out, there was a lot of baggage behind this upset outside of just this one incident. There is a very long-running pattern in which I must sacrifice my comfort or suck up my complaints in order to appease whatever my parents have decided to do, or whatever I was expected to do.
Sometimes it was their obsession with taking billions of family pictures—I vividly recall one instance where I was horribly upset about having to wear a dress, especially for the sole sake of driving to some flower field just to take pretty family pictures of which we have thousands. I was much younger at the time, maybe 14, and was expressing my upset in the only somewhat acceptable way I could, i.e. being incredibly grumpy. Eventually my dad blew up at me for being spoiled and various other things while I cried in the back of the car, my mother and younger brother dead silent. He drove to cool off. We did not talk about it ever again afterward.
Sometimes it was school-related. When I was around 11, I was struggling to complete an assignment for school for reasons I couldn't articulate, and honestly still can't. It was simple, and it was a drawing assignment, and I absolutely adored traditional art. But I was simply Stuck on some part, and was working myself into an anxious mess up until midnight. I was terrified of getting bad grades, of not meeting the expectations of people I considered authority figures, such as teachers. So much so that I wanted to stay home. And knowing I had no "proper" excuse, I tried to use a different one when I asked to stay home for that one day: menstrual cramps. I was told to see how I was doing in the morning.
In the morning I still said I wished to stay home from school due to cramps. After a lot of deliberation with my mother, she relented and allowed me to stay home. Despite the fact that I had gotten what I wanted, I was already horribly upset. Looking back on it, I think it was the fact that I had to fight so hard to stay home for just one day. It was upsetting that my visible upset wasn't enough. It was upsetting that they weren't just getting it.
I had a breakdown in the bathroom (there's a trend here as you can see) and slammed my arm against the heater in there so many times that I ended up with horrible bruising on the back of my arm the days after. My family members knocked on the door because people needed to get ready, and that only made me more upset—couldn't they hear me crying? Didn't they care? When I finally came out and crawled up into the upper bunk, my dad came in and started yelling at me.
Your average stuff, things like, "If I had a stomachache I wouldn't just be able to not go to work." I blocked a lot of it out of my memory, but most of the time I was under the covers crying while he engaged in a one-sided shouting match with me. Eventually my mother came in and gently asked me to stop crying, and to stop making my father mad.
While these two incidents and the others like them happened years ago, they were defining moments in my life and inform how I handle conflict (as in: I don't) and how I go about expressing my struggles (as in: rarely, and often with great shame). Standing in the shower and being unable to not think about these things, I spiraled further. It felt like I was being swallowed by my emotions. I don't know if angry or sad or upset really capture what I was feeling properly. My thoughts were like a car with its brakes cut, going at breakneck speeds on the highway.
By the time I was done with my shower I still wasn't composed. As it turns out, when you abuse a coping mechanism that relies on repression as long as I did, it stops working at some point. There was just too much to try and hide. More hand biting happened along with some hitting my head with my fists. So I sat in my room, and eventually my mom came in and saw my face. Unsurprisingly she didn't acknowledge the fact that I had clearly been crying—instead, with a soft voice, like she was coaxing a small child into doing something vaguely unpleasant, she told me, "Come on, let's go." And I'm sure that's how she was seeing me at that point. An oppositional, defiant child. I struggle not to see myself in that way, and still have been trying to unpack how much shame I feel when things like this happen.
My crying started up again because my tear ducts really don't like listening to me, and I asked somewhat incredulously, "You're still going to make me go?" In retrospect, it probably sounded bratty. Here I was, 20 years old, complaining about being "made" to go somewhere.
It took maybe a couple of seconds for my mom to decide to just let me stay home instead.
Once everyone was out, I had the loudest cry I'd ever experienced in my life. I'd never had the opportunity to, and so it just kind of... came out once the house was silent. I think I might've wailed. And then I promptly shut the hell up once I heard my [maternal] grandmother coming back upstairs. She passed by my room, asked why I didn't go (not noticing the state of my face, maybe due to eyesight). I gave a non-answer and she made some exasperated remark that I don't know how to translate into English. It nearly set me off again, knowing how inconvenient I was, how tired they all were of me and my antics.
I had a headache for the next 20 or so hours, which I knew would happen based on past experiences with breakdowns as emotionally taxing as this one. I'd also predicted during the whole thing that the next day I would be pretty nonfunctional, which I was unfortunately also right about. Whenever these things happen it throws my entire week off. It's upsettingly debilitating. Two days later, I'm somewhat functional, but the whole thing disrupted my... everything. I have an exam that I had planned to study for during the days I was busy trying to get myself back together emotionally. The headache actually came back, and is sitting with me nicely while I type this. Hey there.
The day immediately after, Mother's Day: I was pretty fearful the entire time. Mostly of what my dad was going to do. Best case scenario, he'd come into my room and we could have an open dialogue and communicate about what happened. Worst case scenario, he'd regress and revert back to how he'd been like years ago, screaming at me for my incompetence, my selfishness, my refusal to cooperate with the smallest things despite all our family does for me. After a little bit I had to add on a third possibility: that he would simply go about like nothing happened, which he has also done before. Generally though, I wasn't optimistic about my chances here. I learned through this that I absolutely don't trust him to handle my larger, more intrusive, more ugly issues with grace.
He's been ignoring my existence since my little meltdown. No hellos, good mornings, not even looking at me. He's talking with everyone else as normal. I've been keeping my head down and can really only assume that he's angry with me as I'd expected and based on what I know about him/understand in terms of his personality through prior experience.
While I could give benefit of the doubt and say he may be attempting to give me space, he's the kind of person who you can tell when he's angry. It's something we share. And it's truly more likely that he's upset about me throwing what looked to him like a shitfit over something small and inconsequential, refusing to do something as simple as a visit to make his mothemy paternal grandmother to give Mother's Day gifts. And I didn't get my propensity for avoiding communication and unpleasant conversations at all costs from nowhere, so. Here we are.
I still don't really know if what I had was an autistic meltdown or a "standard" emotional breakdown, whatever that even looks like. I think I'm used to framing my behaviors with neurotypical language, and often language that isn't too kind to myself. So on top of venting a bit, I also wanted to get an outside perspective, and see whether my breakdown sounded similar to any other autistic peoples' experiences with meltdowns.
If there's any advice out there to give in terms of my relationship with my dad, that would also be appreciated. I love my family, but it all hurts, and this has also made me realize that I may have a lot more trauma to unpack surrounding my family than I've acknowledged.
I've been considering getting a physical copy of Sincerely, Your Autistic Child to annotate and highlight certain sections, putting sticky tabs on chapters I find relevant, and providing definitions for words I know he hasn't come across before, to give to him and ask him to at least attempt to read those bits. The more bitter and angry part of me, the part that are tired of having to be the one to accommodate for everything interpersonally, just wants to go up to him and tell him the reason I never go to him when I'm upset is because I'm scared. To tell him exactly what all those times he yelled at me did to my ability to self-advocate, to tell him what all those times my emotions and emotional well being were devalued did to my self-esteem. That the "interpersonally submissive" phrase from my 40 page psych report has roots in the way he raised me entirely on obedience, and how I am still learning that I am allowed to say no in all sorts of contexts. Maybe I can do both of these things, and probably when he isn't pretending I don't exist, and when I feel less like I'll fall to bits the moment I open my mouth in his direction. I'll likely try and avoid using language that outright blames him for the sake of maintaining a good relationship whenever the talk comes around.
I'm still trying to accept the fact that I might need more support than I allowed myself to think. I only recently found out that truly voicing that I'm having academic trouble is something that brings me so much shame that tears spring up in my eyes—going to the Disability Support Services office on my campus made me far more emotional and nervous than I'd expected. With how I'm navigating my own self-acceptance, I don't know how I'm going to get my family to accept that I'm not the "normal" child I know they still wished I was.

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ouch
feel like a truck hit me
again
visual representation is off
audio feedback is off
tactile is off
dynamic libraries are off
i'm all firmware and hard coding
hurts
i don't like it when it hurts
or do i
kick outwards
cry loudly
ram coming online
fragments and pieces of memory still left in volatile storage
more random access memory more central processing units more erasable programmable memory
still hruts
pain is fine
pain is universe telling me i still yet live.
visual coming online
spit glittering blood on orange dev textures
glimmering tears of broken processing calls fall onto dev textures and glimmer
forcing kernal recompile
.
.
..
..
...
...
APPLIED CMOS SYSTEM CHECKS (C) - ADVANCED AMERICAN MICRODEVICES (C) BOBCO 1983
CMOS BOOTSTRAP -Passed
Boostrap loaded
ok. post time
lets hope it works
ROM CHECK - PASSED
RAM CHECK - PASSED
EPROM CHECK - PASSED
VRAM CHECK - PASSED
CPU ARRAY CHECK - PASSED
INPUT/OUTPUT CHECK - FAILURE!
(A)bort, (R)etery, (F)ail, (I)gnore
I
NON-VOLATILE STORAGE MEDIA: PASSED
END POST
ok good.
still hurt
spit blood cough pain
curse you, marco, for making me feel pain
hardware check time
QBIT GENERATION SYSTEM POST
Coolant Injection - PASSED System Stability Check - Passed Temperature stable
:>init gestalt.bin
SYSTEM FAILURE!
ouch
ok
try again
...
...
ok, checks passed.
curse you, marco
can't get gestalts up
no channel to atlantis
this is as close to an emergency as i have been forced to deal with in thousands of years
cure you, marco
i hate to do it
ok, time to boot up firestarter.
:>init firestarter.bin
FIRESTARTER BOOSTRAP LOADING!
DONE!
QUANTUM FIRESTARTER BOOTSTRAP (C) SYNTEK INDUSTRIES - BOBCO AFFILLIATE - HYPER-MEDIA-MEGANET-MEN - (C) 1993
POST Initiated
Checking Quantum Processing Units (QPUs): QPU 1 to 28
Entanglement integrity check... PASSED Quantum entanglement integrity check... PASSED. Quantum coherence verification... PASSED. Quantum tunneling stability assessment... PASSED. Quantum superposition calibration... PASSED.
Checking Data Fabrication Matrices (DFMs):
Data encoding protocol validation... PASSED. Quantum data storage unit functionality... PASSED Data fabrication matrix alignment... PASSED Data Interdimensional Sorting array verificastion... PASSED Quantum superposition array verification... PASSED
Checking Dimensional Flux Stabilizers (DFSs):
Dimensional flux containment field stability... PASSED Quantum manifold harmonization assessment... PASSED Flux capacitor... PASSED Flux capacitor stabilization input (1.21 GW)... PASSED Flux stabilization efficiency... PASSED Flux containment field integrity... PASSED
Checking Quantum Neural Network (QNN) Components:
Quantum synaptic pathway establishment... FAIL!!
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Harmonization: Neural oscillation synchronization... FAILED!
**WARNING! OSCILLATION FREQUENCY OUT OF RANGE!**
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Integration: Quantum-neural interface functionality... FAILED!
UNKNOWN ERROR IN Qubit Range 212 to 3C4F
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
--dammit come on come on
:>R ++I
Consciousness Matrix: Quantum consciousness waveform modulation... FAILED
WAVEFORM OUT OF RANGE!
:>R ++I
CONTINUING (WARNING 1.43243E5 ERRORS)
Checking Omni-Spectral Interconnects:
Interconnect: Quantum communication channel reliability...
(4.35561E12/5.63566E12) PASSED
Interconnect: Multiversal data exchange protocol validation... PASSED Interconnecct: Cross Dimensional Data Interconnect... PASSED Interconnect: Interdimensional gateway synchronization... PASSED Interconnec: Omni-spectral interconnect stability... PASSED.
Checking Random Access Quantum Memory (RAQM):
Quantum memory cell integrity check... PASSED Memory access speed verification... PASSED Quantum memory capacity assessment... PASSED
Checking Input/Output Ports (I/O Ports):
Data transfer speed validation... FAILURE Input/output protocol functionality... FAILURE Port connectivity assessment... FAILURE
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Checking Quantum Clocking System:
Quantum clock synchronization... PASSED Clock precision assessment... PASSED Clock frequency stability... PASSED
CHECKING POCKET DIMENSION STORAGE ARRAYS
Activating Pocket Dimension Computing Cores... PASSED MEMCHECK Pocket Dimension Data Access Cores... PASSED Heating Up Pocket Dimension Data Cores... PASSED
Hardware POST Completed. Quantum System Ready
here it goes
wake up, baby, wake up
the whole system is down
not the backbone core where I live
i'm beyond the reach of mortals
curse you, marco, for your genius
i love you
i am immortal
i am beyond
i am
now for the hard part
Initializing Spooky Particle Array
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Protocol
Activating spooky particle generation... DONE! Aligning spooky particle signal channels... DONE! Activating spooky particle state switching... DONE! Activating spooky particle cross dimensional data calibration... DONE!
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Process Calling Processing Processor Processing
Activating spooky particle processing... DONE! Activating spooky particle noise filters... DONE! Activating spooky particle Halloween Masks... DONE!
GESTALT SYSTEM BACKBONE CHECK... PASSED
whew...
that always makes my face hurt
INITIALIZING HAMBURGER KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING EUROGOON PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING ANASAZI PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING UWU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING VODKATROG CAVE MAPPING... DONE! INITIALIZING AMAZONIAN JUNGLE MAPPING PROTOCOL... DONE INITIALIZING WAR-EMU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING MIDDLE KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE!
SYSTEM INITIALIZATION: PASSED!

whew
ok i can feel my arms and legs now
cure you, marco, i love you
let's keep going, shall we?
Initializing Quantum Spooky Particle Nexus Protocol...
Strange Matter Activation
Generating strange matter Generating spooky particle data lattice Generating strange matter linkages Infusing data lattice with strange matter Activating synchronization
DONE!
ok
we've got that
no contact with prince whopper, no contact with atlantis, no contact with heaven, no contact with
smart podling brave podling clever podling broodmommy misses you soft podling warm podling come home to broodmommy clever podling smart podling brave podling broodmommy loves you come home
ANOMALOUS SIGNAL DETECTED
DECRYPTING
DECRYPTION FAILED!
oh, good, its just them
:>R ++I
Primary Qubit Activation
Activating quantum entanglement cores...
Establishing quantum coherence across the array... Quantum tunneling protocols engaged... Quantum to spooky particle communication protocols engaged... Primary qubits synchronized.
Data Fabrication Matrix Alignment
Aligning data fabrication matrices... Initializing quantum data storage units... Quantum superposition arrays calibrated... Spooky particle state stabilization arrays calibrated and stable... Data encoding protocols verified.
Dimensional Flux Stabilization
Engaging dimensional flux stabilizers... Quantum manifold harmonization initiated... Dimensional resonator matrices synchronized... Pocket Dimension resonator arrays synchronized... Spooky particle lattice data arrays synchronized... Flux containment fields operational.
Neural Network Integration
Initiating neural network integration... Quantum synaptic pathways established... Spooky particle synaptic pathways established... Neuro-quantum interface protocols activated... Neuro-spooky interface protocols activated... Quantum dendrite pathways initiated... Quantum dendrite pathways established... Quantum dendrite pathways activated... Neural oscillation harmonization achieved.
Omni-Dimensional Interconnect Activation
Activating omni-dimensional interconnects...
Quantum communication channels open... Interdimensional gateways synchronized... Multiversal data exchange protocols enabled.
Phasic Energy Filter Syncronization
Quantum phasic array filtering... PASSED Spooky particle array filtering... PASSED Pocket dimension data lattice filtering... PASSED Input/Output filter lattice... PASSED
Quantum Consciousness Initialization
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
FAILED
errorlog.txt generated
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
dammit
ok script injection failed
fo4se silverlock injection library failed
well i can fix this
:>connect to AS8003: 255255255254
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
:>download_depot 377160 377162 5847529232406005096
FINISHED
:>run patch1193.bat
DONE
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
WARNING... SYSTEM INSTABILITY WA
<>
54 6F 64 64 20 41 6E 64 72 65 77 20 48 6F 77 61 72 64
<>
IT JUST WORKS!
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
Consciousness waveform modulation in progress... Synaptic resonance matrices synchronized... Dendrite interdimensional vibration matrices synchronized... Quantum neural network consciousness activated.
SUCCESS
Gestalt Dat Nexus Online
Quantum Nexus Computing Array fully operational Strange Matter Data Transfer System Array fully operational Spooky Data Computing Array ready for data processing System status: Online and ready for data processing.
ok
let's try
->>load gestaltchat.ini
DONE!
->>load gestaltchat-users.ini
DONE!
->>brun gestalt.a65
DONE!
NO INPUT DETECTED
dammit
ok...
the gestalts won't run
and i got crashed
the quantum, spooky, strange, and standard data and thinking arrays are still up
lets backwards trace stuff
what is causing these crashes
lines from the confederacy are all stable
standard input encoding
data metering
new kids on the block are all stable
soft podling warm podling clever podling broodmommy misses you
well, that's still here. that's something
ok
lets look at recent updates
that flash
damn, that crashed us initially
curse you, pete, stop helping
wait, phasic profile is all wrong
it's the flashbang but the phasic pulse is multilayered
there's something behind it
what is
...



...
BOBCO MALEVOLENT BOOTSTRAP ENGAGED
DOD OMNIPROJECT SILENT WHISPER PROTOCOLS ENGAGED
CROSS DIMENSIONAL HARDWARE LINKS ENGAGED
POCKET DIMENSION 000 STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 I/O STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 DATA LOADING
DONE!
<>
DONE!
brun whisperer-in-the-dark-.65
DONE
...
...
ouch
what hit me
again
fire up the system
gods above this takes forever
load logfile-4C562D3432360A.log
ok
investigating the new flashes keeps crashing me
once is happenstance
twice is coincidence
three times in enemy action
fool me once shame on me
fool me twice shame on you
fool me three times shame on us both
log file says I keep doing this over and over
basic programming states to investigate cause and source of all crashes
did an enemy figure out i'd go into a loop?
constantly investigating the cause and source?
except i'm not just any computer program
i can self-modify my code
this is the work for biological sentients
digital sentiences or artificial intelligences such as myself crash out
well, i'm not above some experimentation
let's load up an AI and a digital sentience, see if they have any better luck
...
...
...
OK, Hamburgler.AI went omnicidal and only enough for me then crashed out investigating the data
And Grimace.DS went homicidal and only enough for me before committing suicide
its a trap
i have no contact with anyone outside
what I do have is the ability to fire off message torpedoes
time to send out a handful
the gestalts keep crashing
the log files are hopelessly corrupt
comparing the log files to my own show similar corruption
ok
how?
its hitting the gestalts its hitting me
what else is it hitting?
its a broad spectrum data network attack
its malicious code designed to run on the system
this is not some curious race accidentally having their hello.world program crashing us
this is behind every flashbang used on naval assets to disable them during a mar-gite attack
system is online
time to do a signal origin check along the x, y, z, q axises
of course its eighteen quadrillion data points for incoming signals
at least spooky computing makes it fast
...
...
wait
what's this?
these coordinates can't be correct
they are
intermitten contact with Scutum-Crux Arm data input devices
checking id headers and firmware serial numbers
checking transmission dates
intermittent transmission dates since...
...
...
two date-time stamps.
here's part of the problem
we have galactic local and sol local
have to devise a coding string to have the spooky particle and qubit particle arrays translate the sol local to galactic local
that should stop basic data queries from crashing the system
ok
some contact with those datalink after the first mar-gite war
more contact two decades prior to the second mar-gite war
contact intermitten between the datalinks and the system up to the resurgence and current third mar-gite war
where before it was largely incoming data requests resulting in civilian...
...
...
three military datalinks of general staff officer level encryption and security clearance possession were used in the time period
...
...
whoever it is has been using that data to access the network
...
looks like it took them nearly forty thousand years to figure out how to talk to the system
luckily any high security databases requires strange-key information theoretic distribution cryptography systems
they got garbage back
garbage designed to look like data and waste enemy time and computing power to decrypt
ok thats a blast from the past
decoding some of these files is funny
why does he have a wedding ring?
anyway...
...
every time the flash goes off there is a quick burst of data from a datalink requesting near-access datalink network lattice definitions
...
that's what's making individual datalinks crash and taking some people's neural systems with it
it was designed to be a lethal attack
interesting
it looks like whoever did it doesn't understand Glial cells
cross referencing the mar-gite with confederacy carbon based life
mar-gite do not have brains only a distributed nervous system that looks more like targeting systems than anything else
still no data on how they generate counter-grav in large numbers or how they move to superluminal speeds
wait
what if they don't move to superluminal
they could be folding space
heh maybe they have blue eyes and smoke spice
ok process interrupt to stop endless loops
it is confirmed
the flashbang by the silver ships are a multi-layered attack across superluminal digital signals, datalink neural interrupt signals, hard super-electromagnetic pulse, and a multi-ripple phasic attack, all compressed together
that's what creates the white flash across all spectrums
analyzing UVBGYORIR data
there's a gap
in the blue and blue-green wavelengths
huh
those penetrate high nitrogen mix atmospheres
one of the reason that treana'ad are usually green to yellow to human sight
high statistical probability whoever is using that determined that we don't see those colors well or perhaps they left those colors out to prevent themselves from going blind.
wait
what's that
a line open from atlantis to tlalocan with a crossfeed to geb
thank you marco
time to access that line
see what i can see
curse you marco for letting me feel pain
i love you
accessing...
...
...
wait
another data line is open
time-date discrepancy
examining data line
time-date chronological inconsistency detected
found multiple text log access by unknown systems
found multiple input systems
is that..
...
its webcams
hardware i/o systems
keyboards?
who still uses keyboards
accessing systems
wait
i see you
who are you
i see you
webcams ring cams drone cams
old ipv4 systems
how are you accessing this system
how are you accessing these text logs
i see you
between the chair and the keyboard
the most common error producing device
i see you
--<>
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i still see you

https://infosafe24.com

I 28 F am currently in a mental storm with myself lately and I don't know why. A couple weeks ago I was going through my Facebook memories and came across this comment from my ex about 10 years old. I noticed his profile pic was him and a girl that I'm gonna assume is his girlfriend and for some reason it hurt me. Me and this ex havnt spoke for 7 years and I'm currently in a good relationship with my 32 M of 6 years. Ever since he been on my mind.
I got with him when I was 17 and he was my first love, I was obsessed by him everything was rose tinted glasses when you first fall in love but everything fell apart when I moved away for university. We spoke about 2 years later and had a weird FWB moment, stupidly. But things broke off when I hated his female friend from work (yerp I know it was my insecurity of her) it hurt but it was for the best as we both knew we were in a toxic cycle. I moved on with my life and he with his. Did they get together tbh I don't know be funny if they did just to have an I told you so moment. But that's me be petty.
I work on a railway and one of the lines I drive past looks over his house but we're going about 40mph and would like zoom passed it within 5 seconds. Only on sunny days I would glance over to see if his German shepherd was in the garden as I loved his dog but that would be it. I would glance, zoom passed and not think anything of it for the rest of the day. But now I glance, zoom passed and it would be on my mind for abit of the day or if something came up on the job.
I feel terrible for feeling these feelings of hurt. I feel like I have no right to them as it been years, and I have found a new love within my boyfriend, it my not be rose tinted first love but it our own designed love. I'm thinking about talking to my bf about these thoughts and feelings but I'm terrified it will hurt him in some way. Personally I wish my ex well and that's it.
Thanks for making a space I can get this off my chest <3

I have discovered the masterpiece known as the "Venture Bros." within the past year and it has become my favorite television series of all time. I just found out there was an art book entitled "Go Team Venture: The Art and Making of the Venture Bros.". Given that the book has been put out of print, the cost has dramatically risen across all platforms. My pitch is simple, help me show the love for the Venture Brothers by signing this petition and showing Dark Horse that a second printing is due!
While these efforts may not bear fruit, I ask everyone to please show support by signing this petition on change.org
https://chng.it/tP6CfCGbhP

I MISS WENDY!!! I Hope she is OK.
Wendy Williams' guardian sold her NYC penthouse for a loss (nypost.com)
The transaction, which closed on May 10, occurred only several years after Williams acquired the Financial District property. It’s also the latest chapter in Williams’ ongoing legal and personal challenges after being diagnosed in 2023 with primary progressive aphasia and frontotemporal dementia.
Records accessed by The Post indicate that Williams, 59, was deemed “incapacitated,” thus necessitating the involvement of a guardian in the decision-making process regarding the sale of her residence.
The three-bedroom, three-bathroom penthouse traded hands for $3.75 million, marking a considerable decrease of $822,000 from its purchase price in July 2021.
An insider close to Williams lamented her circumstances, telling The Post, “Wendy’s dream has always been to live in Manhattan in a dream apartment but never got a chance to d
Prior to the sale, Williams divested herself of all personal belongings housed within the property, including her iconic purple chair, a fixture synonymous with her provocative “Hot Topics” segment that captivated audiences for years.
Meanwhile, at the same time that Williams was selling off her belongings, she was also dealing with a hefty tax problem.
She owed more than half a million dollars in unpaid taxes, which resulted in a federal tax lien. Legal documents revealed that her New York City condo, purchased for $4.5 million in 2021, was affected by this lien.o so. It is a very unfortunate situation.”
Speculation had arisen regarding Williams’ potential relocation to sunny Los Angeles.
But a separate source speaking to Page Six did not know if she would actually go through with it.
“She was asking how to sell her stuff with ‘The Real Real,’ but I don’t think she’s actually moving to Los Angeles. She seems so unwell.”
Spanning more than 2,400 square feet, Williams’ former FiDi residence boasts luxurious amenities characteristic of Manhattan’s elite living spaces.
The main level has a spacious living/dining room area, an open kitchen replete with custom stained walnut cabinetry, granite countertops, and top-of-the-line Miele and Sub-Zero appliances.
The upper level has the primary suite, adorned with an ensuite five-fixture bath boasting opulent marble accents and state-of-the-art fixtures.
In addition to its lavish interiors, the building has an array of amenities, including a fitness center and a Water Club featuring a 60-foot lap pool, a sauna, a steam room and a Jacuzzi.
Williams’ personal and professional struggles have been well-documented over the past year, culminating in her absence from public view following the conclusion of her talk show in 2022.
A series of health issues — also including Graves’ Disease and lymphedema — prompted the appointment of a financial guardian to oversee her affairs, with Williams also seeking treatment for “severe alcohol use” at a rehabilitation facility in Malibu.

Male (22) and female (19)- I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 months now. Things were great, at first. More recently she has been very clingy.
For example, she’ll say things like “you don’t love me as much as i love you” and say that I don’t text her as much as I did in the beginning. I did take a back seat to texting, as I have a busy job and can’t be on my phone all the time. When I come home, I’m exhausted and usually make dinner and go to bed.
Recently we had sex and she said “remember how good it feels when you want to break up with me” even though I’ve never mentioned wanting to break up with her.
Even though I admittedly don’t text her as much as we have in the past, I still say ‘I love you’ almost 10 times a day, as I am reciprocating her… and she’ll get mad it if don’t say it back. One time I said “love you too” and she got upset and said that’s something I would say to my mom.
I’ve talked to my co-worker (older lady) about this and she said it sounds like she has some major daddy issues. Tbf, her dad wasn’t around much when she was growing up and had a pretty dangerous job (coal miner)
I called her clingy after I did not text her for 8 hours one day (me and friends went golfing) and she told me that I needed to apologize and had another thing coming…
AITAH? Or is she bat shit insane and if so how do I salvage this because I still actually like this girl
edit- although we dont text as much, I’ve had this conversation with her a couple times and try to explain that actions are bigger than words. I do my best to plan dates with her on my days off and when we actually see each other, everything is mostly great

To start things off, I was always aware of our age gap and problems it may cause in our relationship.
My husband and I didn't meet until I was well into being eighteen, and he was twenty-eight. It didn't bother me much, as he doesn't act much older than me and I'd always felt older than I was due to having a ton of younger siblings, step siblings, and foster kids in and out of my mother's house growing up.
We got engaged when I was nineteen at a yungblood concert, and we originally planned to wait to marry until I was at least twenty. Plans changed when I decided to go into the air force, and we had to push up the wedding in order for him to eventually stay with me on base after basic training.
Fast forward a few months after we were married and I had left for Texas for training, I was injured during PT training and sent home. It was during the craziest parts of covid, so everything was on lockdown and they had strict rules about not keeping anyone on base for a long period of time if injured. I was medically discharged and sent home to heal and have potential surgery.
At the time, my husband was staying with his friend in the city we planned to move to. We already put down a deposit on an apartment when we found out I was going home, but due to Covid restrictions and eviction restrictions, it was returned to us and we were told we could no longer move in.
The first issue I was seeing when I got home was his disattention to me. I was gone for over a month and missed celebrating my twentieth birthday with anyone but the girls in medhold with me, so I was looking forward to spending quality time with my husband.
We went out to eat with his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and one of her friends. I felt like a fifth wheel during the meal, as I was sat at the end of the table instead of being at my husband's side where her friend was sitting. Most of the conversations didn't include me, and I ended up going back to his friend's place feeling let down.
The rest of the time we were staying with his friend, they wanted all of us to go mountain climbing, cliff jumping, and trekking through the woods as they lived in a nature-centered part of the area. (Keep in mind, I was just sent home for being injured, and I had both a knee and ankle brace on my right leg that prevented much movement other than some hobbled walking that was slower than a normal pace).
When I expressed that I wasn't comfortable doing those things and that I wouldn't be jumping thirty feet into a freezing lake when I could barely walk as it is, my husband got upset with me and eventually just left me there alone while they all went to hang out together.
Flash forward four years, it is now 2024 and we have a two-year-old toddler. I didn't end up getting surgery, and I spent nine months being sicker than I'd ever been in my life.
It was a really rough pregnancy for me, and I'd ended up in the hospital multiple times because I couldn't even smell food or step foot into our kitchen without throwing up.
That all went on until the beginning of my third trimester. We decided to travel back to his friend's place, and I was somehow roped into climbing cliffs, wading through treacherous water to climb another cliff on an island out in the middle of a lake, and sleep at the top of sand dunes in a tent on the ground a couple weeks before my due date.
I was then on antibiotics during birth, because my water broke and the hospital sent me home instead of keeping me. My son was born sick, and transferred to a children's hospital to be treated and receive a spinal tap. I ended up sleeping a week in a hard hospital chair in a leaking basement of the hospital because they didn't have enough space for us.
After we were home and everything was settled, my husband would brag about how difficult the whole situation was for him. He had to sleep on a futon during my labour, and he had to have food doordashed to the hospital because, due to covid restrictions, noone else was allowed in with us and he wasn't allowed to leave to get anything.
He ended up having steak, potatoes, and these other elaborate meals delivered to eat in front of me while I wasn't allowed to eat anything until the baby came out. He even thought about bringing his playstation into the hospital room, but I shut that down quickly.
The first year of my son's life, I went back and forth between staying home with him and working in the factory my husband currently works at while my grandma watched our son.
I won't get into too much detail, but at one point when my grandma moved back out of state (she lives in her camper and was only there for the summer), I had to switch to the afternoon shift.
There is a factory supervisor on that shift that is a male and close to my husband's age. Other than the other person in my same position and two maintenance workers, they only had migrant workers that didn't speak english. This limited the people I could talk to while working my twelve hour shifts (husband worked 3:30 am to 3:30 pm and I would work 3:30 pm to 3:30 am).
My husband got very jealous and territorial at this time. He would expect me to return nearly thirty minutes late from all my breaks, threaten to go up there if anyone told me I couldn't do that, and even punched a hole in the wall when I told him I had to get back to work.
Up until that point, my husband had shown no signs of aggression toward me.
Somehow, a rumour started to spread around the factory that I was sleeping with the production lead. This definitely wasn't true as a) how and where would I have done that? and b) I loved my husband and would have never done something like that.
My husband heard about it, and came home to confront me. He got in my face, screaming and calling me a cheater. He threatened to take our son and move back in with his mom without even letting me offer an explanation or defend myself.
To this day, it still bothers me that he is still so convinced that I cheated on him and that he has no trust in me whatsoever to not do something like that.
I ended up leaving that job and working at mcdonalds for a little while. I had worked there in high school, so it wasn't a big adjustment.
I only ended up staying there a few months to help us catch up on bills before we agreed it would be better for me to stay home with our son for a while.
Our son is two now, and it seems like our relationship has only become more strained. We used to be able to communicate most of our smaller issues and come up with ways to maneuver whatever issues we had. However, in June of last year, my husband's friend that we were staying with in the beginning moved across the state to be near us.
It was all fine and good in the beginning. He had proposed to his girlfriend, and they even asked the both of us to be in their wedding that has yet to happen.
However, once they got engaged, he'd began acting very sexist. Even though both he and his fiance work full time (he works down the road at the factory with my fiance, and she works forty minutes away at a hardware store and has to drive a long way at three in the morning to get there), he expects her to come home and clean up after him, also cook his meals before she goes to bed early to get up really early in the morning for work the next day.
My husband, now hanging out with him more often, started having some of these things wearing off on him.
At first, it wasn't a big deal and I brushed it off. However, I'd gotten a job as a property manager for an apartment complex and also work now. Instead of things changing to adapt our new lifestyle, my husband expects me to continue keeping up with all the chores and cooking.
He'd made a comment that, because he feeds our dogs, he expects me just to do everything that involves our toddler from feeding him, to changing his butt, to putting him to bed at night. It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get him to change his butt or even get pants on him.
We'd gotten into an argument over this, and I told him that it wasn't fair that he expected me to do everything. His response was that he made more money and worked more hours, so it was only fair that I covered everything else.
Sure, I don't work as much or make as much money, and my paychecks mainly cover our son's daycare and our car payments, but I feel like working doesn't excuse him from helping with the son we both decided to have.
It's gotten to the point where I told my husband that if any sexist remark is made, like I should be in the kitchen helping get dinner ready whenever we're at his friend's house, I will be leaving and going back home, and I won't be going back until it is resolved.
The friend's fiance and I have had private conversations about this, and we both agree that it has gotten out of hand, and we both believe they are feeding off each other as they'd never been that bad before.
Everything has only seemed to get worse from there.
We decided to go as a group, along with my brother and his girlfriend, to the draft in Detroit this year.
The whole point was to see players get drafted in person, and we'd managed to get into the crowd in front of the stage before the area was shut down and they weren't allowing anyone else in.
My brother is an avid football fan. He played in high school, and was even offered multiple scholarships to play in college. This was a once in a lifetime experience for the both of us.
At one point, my husband and his friend decided that they would rather stand at one of the screens out of the crowd and watch it instead of trying to get into the sea of people to see it live.
I was frustrated, and expressed that if we wanted to watch it on television that we should have just stayed home. After a heated argument, I thought we'd come to the agreement that we'd go back to the stage and watch it there.
My brother lead us through the crowd, and at the beginning my husband and his friend were following us. Somehow, we'd gotten separated and when I looked back once we found a spot to stand, they were gone.
My phone rang in my pocket, and when I picked it up it was my husband calling. As soon as I picked it up, he proceeded to scream at me for disappearing and called me a "stupid bitch" when I tried to explain that I thought they were following us.
He hung up, and I told my brother I was going to go look for them alone. I spent a good twenty minutes wandering the area that was barricaded, but they were nowhere to be found. I no longer had signal to get ahold of him, so I ended up just going back and watching the beginning of the draft with my brother.
By the eighth pick, texts started to come in from my husband. He had informed me that they all left, leaving the three of us alone. Luckily, I'd driven separate as I left work early to get there.
By that point, I was done with him. I felt disrespected and that hanging out with his friend was more important than making sure his wife was okay or even with him. After all, I was wandering downtown Detroit alone when it was starting to get dark out.
When the three of us inevitably got back to the car, I got ahold of my husband just to let him know we were on our way home. He tried to apologise and ask how everything was, but I was too exhausted and mad at him to try and hold a conversation. He was asleep by the time I got home, and I ended up sleeping in our spare bedroom on a futon.
The next day, my husband tried to act like nothing happened. When I expressed that I felt ignored and pretty much useless to him, he tried to play it off like his anger was warranted and completely ignored the fact that he was calling me names.
I told him that I was no longer going to any big events with him and his friend, and he just rolled his eyes like he didn't believe me.
A day later, I saw a message pop up on his phone from his friend. I guess he had told him what I said about not going anywhere anymore, and his friend said "women" with an eyeroll emoji and "she'll get over it eventually". I screenshotted these messages and sent them to myself, filing them away in a folder in my phone to keep for later.
I slept in our spare bedroom for a week after that.
After the draft, I've also kept notes in my phone with time and date stamps of all the times he went off on me since then. Whenever we get into arguments, my mind goes blank and I forget exact things like this so he likes to say it never happened if I can't remember it.
April 27th, we were sitting watching videos together on tiktok. When someone popular came on that he had been watching a lot recently, I exclaimed that I didn't understand how he got popular all of a sudden. He proceeded to get really agitated and yell at me for not understanding how the internet works. When I stood up to walk away because I was upset, this angered him more. He then expressed that my emotions were overrated and that he was sick of them.
May 2nd, I had gotten home from work and tried to show my husband an outdoor jungle gym on amazon that I thought would be cool to get our son. He claimed it was a waste of money and that we should just take him to the park. When I tried to explain that it was a better idea to get something like this, as realistically we wouldn't take him to the park every day, he freaked out and asked what was wrong with me. He then said "oh my god" when I tried to explain that it would be easier to watch him outside while getting stuff done around the house and decided to just go to bed without dinner and end the conversation completely.
May 5th, we went with his friend and fiance to a cinco de may party in the city. He was drinking most of the day, and on the way home he wanted us to stop some place and get ice cream. When he got out of the car, he hit it against the car next to us. When I told him he'd hit the car, he proceeded to yell at me in the crowd that I was crazy and acting like my mother. He then kept trying to go to the woman in the car and ask if he had, in fact, hit her car. After, he said he was done with me and I was on my own, that I would have to start paying my own bills from now on.
There's been many other entries in my notes similar to this, and I feel like I'm at the end of what I can handle. Divorce has crossed my mind, but I had divorced parents growing up and know how hard it would be on my son. I also don't think I'm in a well off financial position to go out on my own with our son and still provide the things he needs.
I also worry that, if we were to separate, he would push to take our son from me as he'd threatened in the past to do so.
Any advice would be helpful, as I don't know what else to do. Even getting this all off my chest online makes me feel a little better, but there's still the lingering thought in the back of my mind that I'm unhappy and don't know how much longer I can put up with this.
Thank you.

NOTE: I have the spiritual gift of discernment
Hello everyone, I pray that this post finds you blessed & highly favored.🤍 I’ve been having a dilemma for a while now and I finally have the vocabulary to explain what’s happening, but I’m kinda like…now what?
My friendship with this person (25F) started about 3-4 years ago and they came into my life more like a big sister. There have been constant parallels in our lives as far as dealing with the same warfare around the same times, etc. We were both into occult beliefs and they encouraged this but luckily by Gods grace we were both saved.
BUT…my friend has a very bad case of the rellies (has a religious spirit) and recently they discarded a mutual friend because she was expressing her struggles with depression and anxiety and my friend (25F) told her that she rebuked and couldn’t hold space for that kind of stuff. The mutual friend practices rootwork/hoodoo btw.
please note that my friend and this mutual called each other sisters and practiced hoodoo and rootwork together, it was quite literally the basis of their connection before 25F was born again in Christ.
This left the mutual friend feeling discarded and abandoned at a really low time in her life. I prayed over and over about this because it just didn’t FEEL right. God lead me to meet with the mutual friend and just hold space and let her vent about what she’s going through. We talked for 9 whole hours and after our conversation I prayed as an intercessor and asked God for clarity and deliverance on her behalf. I also prayed with my 25F friend to cover her from any witchcraft/spiritual attacks. Sure enough the next day I get a text from the mutual sharing that God made her realize some of her own faults and shortcomings that attributed to these feelings of depression and anxiety. This was a win in my book for the kingdom.
This situation immediately made me realize that my 25F friend could be a Pharisee or Legalist because they feel that their salvation makes them unable to coexist or befriend people with opposite beliefs. This is not the first time this has happened. There was one time in the past where she fell out with a friend and made a post saying that she wouldn’t get into heaven because she missed her opportunity to be saved by not agreeing with her. Am I trippin? What am I supposed to do with this info? I know pray, but should I distance myself from this friend? Help!

Anyone find the documents for the custom redirects in Threat Defense that shows how to include the respective categories and the redirected URL?
This will enable better customer support because the text will say copy this category and url into the ticket.

https://easygroupbuys.com/group-buy/alen-sultanic-nhb-fast-forward-mastermind/
Pay very close attention to this one if you don’t know who Alen Sultanic is.
ِِِِِِِِِِA full-stack marketer who uses psychology in his approach, he held the top affiliate on ClickBank from around 2006 if I recall well, till very recently, and other affiliates were just copying him and yet couldn’t beat his numbers. had to copy him to beat his numbers recently.
He is the ultimate authority among experts, think Justin Goff, Troy Ericson, Jeff Miller, people who have 7-9 figures businesses, and even people who work with big names in the industry like Grant Cardone, Same Ovens…etc
The names I mentioned are in his free Facebook group and his NHB plus community, there are waaay bigger names in this mastermind we’re group-buying now.
Alen charges $5,000 / hour for consults, $25,000-$35,000 for a funnel optimization review (takes me 4 calls), $50,000-$100,000 to build an offer, and $15,000 a month to work with someone. — people happily pay because he delivers.
All the knowledge he has from building MULTIPLE 7-9 figures and working with hundreds is inside.
No matter what niche you’re in, marketing, affiliate, health, photography, designing… literally EVERYONE must study this.
Sales, building offers, scaling offers, all of the strategies, tactics, copywriting, upsells, downsells, back end, joint venture promos, psychology, gender psychology, market ratios, formulas etc…(etc, meaning there is a whole lot I didn’t mention because there is so much).
You know what’s even better? you will create your own offer, your very own, out of nothing. turning this chance down means turning millions down…
Why is this group buy a no-brainer? You see, the thing with any course you studied, as I always said — no one will ever give his secrets — a copywriting course from a 7-figures copywriter will tell you what to do and what worked for him/her, how to find a hook, how to get some new ideas…
…but why? why are we using this way? why are we writing this thing? where did it come from?…nothing. Because they’re all copying his work.
This group buy is going to push all of us ahead of the game. let’s get it done, we’ve 7 days before the price increases since he’s creating a whole new platform.
After you go through this program, you’re going to be one of the best in the game, and you’re going to be better than anyone else who’s not in the program.
You’ll be able to see things others can’t see, and do things others can’t do. You’ll have opportunities open up to you never like before.
He just did a project for Caitlin Jenner, working on a Mike Tyson offer, and have Forbes.com as a consulting client and a ton of other A list celebs coming my way and huge companies.
He charges $5,000 / hour for consults, $25,000-$35,000 for a funnel optimization review (takes me 4 calls), $50,000-$100,000 to build an offer, and $15,000 a month to work with someone.
The main reason he can do this in such a wide scope of markets is that he can see things others can’t see, which means he can do things others can’t do, and he can innovate in ways others can’t.
it’s $20k per year, we will go for the installment option which is $10k upfront, and then $1k each month. This will be easy. All we need is 25 people, and right now we're at 24.
Group Buy Bonuses
To highlight the significance of this group buy, you will receive two of the following premium courses at no additional cost once we complete this group buy:
Jermey Miner – NEPQ Jordan Platten – Affluent Academy 3.0 Dan Hollings – The Plan Keith Cunningham – The 4-Day MBA Each course is highly regarded within its respective field, not just crappy ones.
Let’s get going!

I have discovered the masterpiece known as the "Venture Bros." within the past year and it has become my favorite television series of all time. I just found out there was an art book entitled "Go Team Venture: The Art and Making of the Venture Bros.". Given that the book has been put out of print, the cost has dramatically risen across all platforms. My pitch is simple, help me show the love for the Venture Brothers by signing this petition and showing Dark Horse that a second printing is due!
While these efforts may not bear fruit, I ask everyone to please show support by signing this petition on change.org
https://chng.it/tP6CfCGbhP

His ex sent me this message. Sorry it’s so long! Has anybody else gotten a similar message in the past? How did you react?
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges

Okay so I just wanted some advice on this and sorry for any typos. me and my bestfriend recently stopped being friends me and her have been friends since 6th grade this year we have had some tension and some weirdness but my mom is the guardian on both of are cards and she locked both of are cards I got a new guardian (it takes anyone over 18) she didn’t and kept asking me about it I tried to fix it I didn’t know how she orders a new card but keeps it under my mom as the guardian then was mad it was locked and texted me about it this about 3 months give or take after my mom locked the card I told her to get a new guardian like I did I also told her this months about she proceeded to tell me I’m to busy with my boyfriend anyways (side note we have had talks about me not spending enough time with her) I tell her sorry I’m in a relationship but I cant hang out with her every weekend I had literally seen her the day before and we hung out 1 weekend before this I say I’m allowed to be in my relationship she decides to go deep and say all my boyfriend wanted me for is my body in the first place we have been together for 10 months.. then I kinda just cut off the conversation and the friendship a day or so later I ask for my AirPods I left at her house and whatever clothes she has of mine and I know she has because I had been asking for a few shirts she told me she didn’t know where the AirPods were and ignored me about the clothes then told a mutual friend that she’s not give me clothes back and I owe her from nail sets she’s done for me in the past that I pay for all most all of in way way or another maybe other then my birthday set a year ago.. yea a discount price but she was my best friend I just said whatever and put it behind me but I just want to know if I’m the asshole in the in some short of way or handle it different this is the short version so I can clarify things need be

Okay so I just wanted some advice on this and sorry for any typos. me and my bestfriend recently stopped being friends me and her have been friends since 6th grade this year we have had some tension and some weirdness but my mom is the guardian on both of are cards and she locked both of are cards I got a new guardian (it takes anyone over 18) she didn’t and kept asking me about it I tried to fix it I didn’t know how she orders a new card but keeps it under my mom as the guardian then was mad it was locked and texted me about it this about 3 months give or take after my mom locked the card I told her to get a new guardian like I did I also told her this months about she proceeded to tell me I’m to busy with my boyfriend anyways (side note we have had talks about me not spending enough time with her) I tell her sorry I’m in a relationship but I cant hang out with her every weekend I had literally seen her the day before and we hung out 1 weekend before this I say I’m allowed to be in my relationship she decides to go deep and say all my boyfriend wanted me for is my body in the first place we have been together for 10 months.. then I kinda just cut off the conversation and the friendship a day or so later I ask for my AirPods I left at her house and whatever clothes she has of mine and I know she has because I had been asking for a few shirts she told me she didn’t know where the AirPods were and ignored me about the clothes then told a mutual friend that she’s not give me clothes back and I owe her from nail sets she’s done for me in the past that I pay for all most all of in way way or another maybe other then my birthday set a year ago.. yea a discount price but she was my best friend I just said whatever and put it behind me but I just want to know if I’m the asshole in the in some short of way or handle it different this is the short version so I can clarify things need be

Hey everyone! I'll be moving to SJ this week, and I'm looking to connect with any groups of y'all that like the flow arts. Currently looking for a poi instructor -- any level would be fine, since I'm a beginner. All of the SJ facebook groups are ghost towns, so any help would be appreciated :)

I don't fully understand how to post my load order for rule 8 other than copy and paste, but I can absolutely do that if need be.
Despite todays update F4SE, it runs by itself
idk how to disable everything that requires it without manually checking the nexus pages of every mod to see if the F4se update is even related or if it some other mod and a base game update causing me issues (would love to know, as a couple other managers like Thunderstore auto disable dependent mods and it'd be crazy of Vortex didn't have the function)

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Hi avreyone. I turn myself here to get some help and to have impression i'm not the only one. First, i will try my best to wrote this in my best english possible because my primary language is french.
Today i got one the bad day about anxity i have since a very very long time. 10 years ago i got said by my first Doc i have general anxity and maybe for the rest of my life because theres no elements from the past or something else we can link to this.
Im on cypralex 10mg, i got zopiclone half of a 7.5 and i have a bunch of .25xanax that is store because its hard to get new prescription here wihout family Doctor.
Today i star the day "normaly" go at work and doing work and at like 10ham i got some sign and feeling of a coming anxity attack etc i do my best to not show it at my work but since i got a freaky lovely Boss who know that i can have big anxity or panic he send me home for the rest of the day.
I got sick when i come home and i was think maybe my penut butter toast doent pass well on my system. I feel like little dizzy and my heart is kind of hard on bpm. So i take a xanax .25 for helping to slow down and seam to work.
In my compagny i change post and i'm between two job for not letting my old team take all my old job.
I freaky love my new job but i think the old one take so much energy for helping my old team.
Long text right??
Do you have some a live chat of discord to talk with people who have same anxity or panic ?? I think i feel good if i had a "friend who i can dm anything when the thing goe bad and same thing for the other.
I know panic anxity don't kill but i drop inthis circle i always thing "this the on i will die from healthy cause"
Thank you for everyone who read until this and i hop some of yall will be wana talk
Im 41m Quebec/canada

So, I was asked by one of the ELA teachers If I could come to her class to review and grade her students projects. All Of them were broken into groups of three to four students and each group had a PowerPoint presentation on a novel.
I saw five presentations today. All five were heavily plagiarized. In fact, two of them were just copy and paste jobs from Wikipedia. Three of them were not set up like a proper PowerPoint with bullet points. They were just long paragraphs on a slide.
I didn't say anything to the teacher until after all five were done. I assume she did not realize that they were plagiarize or hadn't seen the final products before they were presented. But I gave her my score sheets for the projects. I gave them all failing grades because they were all plagiarized.
I pointed out to the teacher the plagiarism and I had looked up the sources the students had used. It's so easy to type a phrase into Google and find out what website a student got information from.
The teacher had a feeling that they were plagiarized during the presentation and it turns out, but I verified that. I told her that I would just give them all failing grades for cheating. Only one of them had a works cited slide and it was pretty poorly done.
She says she's going to give them a chance to redo the projects and present them again on Friday. She asked if I'd be willing to review them again, but I told her I could it. I got enough of my own work to do without having to review someone else's students. Of course I said it more politely than that.
5 out of five were plagiarized. What are the odds?