Not too long ago I got a house in a "nice" neighborhood with burglar bars on every single window, heavy doors with multiple locks and felt really safe even though I dont have security cameras or anything valuable in sight.
My birthday was a few days ago and I went with my friends to the beach for the whole weekend. I was in charge of taking the groceries and a few friends with me so my garage was empty, it is worth mentioning that my duplex neighbours are a bunch of frat boys because there's a college not too far from my neighborhood. I have different neighbors all the time and until now all of them were very proper, the current ones are kinda sketchy and one of them happened to arrive while I was loading my trunk with stuff (many items and backpacks so one would guess i'd be gone for a while).
Fast forward, i'm driving back home, after dropping off my friends and picking up my kitty from the cat hotel I arrive to my house, I open it but something felt off, I always close the doors leading to rooms i am not using and every single door was open, at this time I knew someone broke in, made my way to the living room and the glass on the door leading outside was broken, tried to open it but couldnt so thats not how they got inside. I check all the rooms and its the same, every door, closet, drawer open until I get to my room and there I saw how they got inside, the corner of one of my burglar bar was pulled apart from the wall( concrete was holding the bar to the wall and even had some metal bars all the way in the wall.
That's when I went outside and called the cops, once they got here we checked everything together, whoever got inside took their sweet time looking everywhere not to mention the time and noise involved in opening the bars on my window and breaking the glass on my door, this may sound BS but they even brought and ate lunch in my house, we found an open cheese dip can which clearly isnt mine because i dont like that.
The officer's and I both thought the main suspects are clearly my neighbors so his first step was to knock on their door and ask them a few questions at first they acted very surprised and felt like they were playing dumb saying that none of them heard anything and according to their "counselor"(he was called because the officer wanted to speak to whoever was in charge) they were home both saturday and sunday when someone broke in my house but there is no solid evidence even though they are very suspicious and none of them heard anything and again those are my duplex neighbors, our walls are together and you'd hear something like that.
My other neighbors are checking their cameras in case they find something useful. they stole a few things but luckily it was not something super valuable to me so yeah it sucks but could be worse. The same officers will come tomorrow to check if there's anything new. Sure would be nice to get my things back but something tells me that wont be happening.
Anyway, as soon as I fix my bars and glass I will install security cameras. Sorry for the huge wall of text/ranting but what I wanted to say with all of this is that if possible you should invest in making your home safer, dont get too cocky just because you live somewhere safe and be careful with posting in social media/ telling people that you will gone for a while to avoid similar situations, be safe out there.

I dated someone for 2 and a half years. Found out she was a serial cheater the day we moved in after using the laptop I lent her and getting notification for nudes. I confronted her and demanded the truth because my anxiety demands closure and clarity. I got gaslit until I hacked her phone and found everything. I left after two months of crying and her pleading for me to forgive her. I kept paying the rent because I was attached to her daughter. I felt obligated to see her and spend time with my ex because of how depressed and anxious she was all the time. I starved her of attention, threw her infidelities in her face, and only saw her one hour every week and gradually kept going less and less. Her depression eventually got worse and even mentioned ending her life more than once. I felt trapped and obligated to go more often when in the conversations she spoke of ending her and her daughter’s life. Eventually I broke and told my ex that I feel trapped and didn’t want to be there. She love bombed and I held in there because I didn’t want to lose my security deposit and wanted to wait until the lease ended. My ex kept thinking our relationship was a thing and I was distant and short. She would send good morning texts and audios, I would get annoyed. She would talk to me about her depression and I only told her that she should hang in there, while in my mind I would scream that it’s all her fault. Once the lease was over, I was happy and thought that I’m free. I didn’t want to be obvious and waited for the perfect date to cut it off. I didn’t do it December because Christmas, I was too busy January, February because of V day and March was her birthday. Even after everything that she did to me, I didn’t want to hurt her and have her associate it with something she likes. In the end, she is the one that told me her therapist suggested zero contact and was going to try it. Called me the love of her life and so on and so forth. All I said was okay and sent her an audio telling her I loved her even though I didn’t feel it and sounded monotone. I was free and felt relief. After a few days, I started to feel the pain. Why does it hurt if I wanted out for so long? My anxiety is on full blast and it doesn’t let me sleep. I want to reach out but I had already outed her to my family long ago for cheating and getting back together only makes me feel ashamed. Why does a part of me want to reach out and ask for a second opportunity? I deserved better than what she did to me. I had planned a trip with a friend, whom I’ve confided everything to. We went to my country’s Silicon Valley because she’s passionate about tech and I have a few job interviews lined up. We are staying in separate rooms but apparently she is a light sleeper. I broke down last night and woke her up, though I thought I was silently crying. I know that she and I want the same thing out of a relationship and are aware that I’m not ready. I feel like such an idiot for pining over someone I hated and wanted nothing to do with. Now my anxiety doesn’t let me sleep, I can’t enjoy this small trip that I had planned out I’m living and seeing things I only saw on tv. I can’t stand feeling this way. My intrusive thoughts keep telling me to contact my ex. I miss the girl I’ve come to see as my daughter. I am working on solving my anger towards my ex. Should I say goodbye to my step-daughter? Send her a text? Or should I just leave that to her mother? So many questions and I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown.

*Note: I am not a copyright lawyer, I'm not any kind of lawyer, nor am I making an accusation that anyone or any entity is infringing on the copyright or trademark of any other entities. That being said…
I have a theory that Wicked -- both Maguire's novel (Wicked: the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, 1995) and more so the musical (Wicked, 2003 Universal Stage Productions) -- solely functions as a prequel to the 1939 MGM film the Wizard of Oz (now owned by WB), and not that film's public domain source novel the Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum. Let me explain...
Maguire wrote Wicked in 1994 in response to the Gulf War. His clever use of Oz characters passed scrutiny during publication in 1995 under parody and fair use laws, and because the Baum novel had long been in the public domain… as well as Ted Turner arranging to sell the MGM catalog to WB, circa 1997, making the timing ideal for Maguire's novel to skirt any copyright/trademark scrutiny for using elements from the non-public domain film.
We know what happened next, the book was a raging success and soon it was popular enough to be optioned by Universal and turned into a stage musical produced (after film & TV productions with Demi Moore and Salma Hayek separately attached failed to materialize). The musical opened first in San Francisco for try-outs and then Broadway in 2003. And writers Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holzman liberally peppered even more direct homages and winks to the 1939 film into leitmotifs and other elements of the book, score, and staging.
But, Wicked has TOO many elements from the 1939 film, and NOT ENOUGH from Baum's original book, to merit it being called a prequel to the book (this is also true of Disney’s 2013 admitted attempt to cash-in on Wicked’s success, Oz: the Great and Powerful – which is even more egregious than Wicked, and ironic, as its own title is directly lifted from the 1939 film misquote of the book’s moniker of “Oz the Great and Terrible”).
---
So now, let's look at some of key differences between the book the Wonderful Wizard of Oz (WWoOZ) and its film adaption from 1939, and how Wicked (and that Disney rip-off - though I don’t want to have to keep mentioning that movie so just assume most of what I say applies there too) reinterprets these events and characters:
- In the book WWoOz it is established that there are four cardinal witches in the land of Oz. Dorothy vanquishes two unrelated Wicked Witches in the East (WWotE) and West (WWotW) as well as encountering the benevolent unnamed good witch of the North at the start of her adventure and a separate good witch, Glinda of the South, who helps her home in the end. MGM condensed the good witches into one character “Glinda the Good Witch of the North” as well as adding a subplot turning the Wicked Witches into sisters (providing Margaret Hamilton’s Witch more direct motivation to pursue Judy Garland’s Dorothy via the Witch’s presumed right to collateral inheritance of her sister’s shoes). Both Maguire and Disney follow the 1939 film’s continuity regarding these relationships making the wicked witches siblings, and Glinda the sole “good witch” in opposition to them.
-WWotW as depicted in Baum’s novel bears little to no resemblance to the green-skinned Margaret Hamilton in the 1939 film, and subsequently Maguire’s Elphaba. Oz illustrator W. W. Denslow, whom Baum worked closely with when designing the characters, depicts the witch as a hunched old hag with three pigtails and an eyepatch, tall brimmed hat, ruffed collar, coat and skirt. While MGM’s design team, led by legendary costumer Adrian, initially tested several looks for WWotW (including a glamorous sequined look inspired by Disney’s Evil Queen in Snow White). MGM screenwriter, Herman Mankiewicz (who expanded the role of the wicked witch from book to screenplay, and wrote several key lines for her including, “I’ll get you my pretty!”) insisted "witches should be ugly!" And Margaret Hamilton’s Witch was given green skin to broadcast her “wickedness” as well as make her face and hands stand-out against her black medieval gown, cloak and sharp brimmed hat. Needless to say this film only element of green-skin becomes a major plot point of Wicked. And Susan Hilferty’s stage designs for Elphaba retain the 1939 film’s silhouette and dark color palette.
-Another difference in Baum’s WWotW is that she only had one eye, but that it "was as powerful as a telescope", and this is how she spies on her enemies. MGM was again inspired by Snow White's Queen, and popular imagery of fortune tellers, giving Hamilton’s Witch the ability to scry in a large crystal ball, which made for some of the most memorable visuals of the film, of her looming eerily over the heroes. Unlike Baum’s WWotW, Maguire’s Elphaba retains vision in both eyes, and inherits her film counterpart's scrying abilities (primarily using a blown-glass orb).
-Baum’s WWotW importantly carries an umbrella, not a broomstick, as a source of protection for her aquaphobia. She has no need for transportation, her location is limited to her castle in the West of Oz. MGM’s script, howvever, gave Hamilton’s Witch a means of transportation that had long been popular in witch mythology, a broomstick, involving her more directly in the narrative (as well as giving the Wizard a macguffin to send Dorothy after). Maguire also chose to make a broomstick a means of travel for Elphaba, and Stephen Schwartz's “Defying Gravity”, the centerpiece of the musical, which sees a scene not included in the novel, where Elphaba defiantly flies over the Emerald City in protest of the Wizard, cemented the broom’s icon status within the framework of the Wicked franchise.
-The Flying Monkeys in Baum’s novel have a rich backstory involving their enslavement at the hands of a sorceress named Gaylette. The monkeys’ terms of imprisonment require they obey three commands given by whomever possess a Golden Cap, which the WWotW owns and uses to capture Dorothy and her friends. Dorothy comes into possession of the Golden Cap after WWotW’s demise (similar to her inheriting the slippers) and is able to command the monkeys to her own benefit later in the book. The Golden Cap subplot was scrapped from the MGM film in favor of giving the witch a more ambiguous command over her uniformed simian air force (though it still appears in the final cut as a prop tossed by Hamilton's Witch to Nikko, the flying monkey). Maguire’s Wicked makes no mention of Baum’s golden cap, giving Elphaba a monkey factotum, similar to MGM’s Nikko, now called Chistrey. The monkeys are given a vivisection backstory in Maguire's novel and are a result of the Grimmerie’s levitation spell in the musical, but Elphaba’s willful command of the their legions, without the limitations of the Golden Cap, is much more reminiscent of MGM’s Witch than Baum’s.
-Famously the slippers Dorothy inherits from the WWotE in Baum’s novel are made of silver metal (sterling silver shoes were popular as decorations and sugar bowls in Baum's day). The Slippers in the 1939 film were famously changed to ruby, so as to be more eye-catching against the technicolor yellow road. After some initial designs, MGM designer Adrian landed on the iconic red sequined pump seen in the film. Maguire’s novel, utilizing the film’s sibling backstory to motivate Elphaba, makes the famous pair of slippers into a sentimental pair of shoes adorned with beaded glass, in the musical referred to as "jeweled", which refract multiple colors, notably ruby red. Susan Hilferty’s choice of silver sequined pumps for the musical, given a red special lighting cue at a crucial moment, distinctly resemble Adrian’s 1939 design.
-Dorothy is a young child of roughly seven or eight years old in Baum’s novel and its illustrations. In Maguire’s take on the character she is depicted as a husky teenager prone to cloying musical outbursts. Teenage Judy Garland was famously derided at MGM for her weight, especially filming Oz, with Louis Mayor allegedly calling her his “little hunchback”.
-The Wizard appears as multiple facades in Baum’s novel; a giant head, ball of fire, glamorous woman, and monstrous beast. In the 1939 film the extent of his deception is the use of a giant head, similarly he only appears as a looming head in Wicked.
-But what I find most telling is that none of the witches in Baum’s novel directly interact with one another (later novels in the Oz series withstanding). The famous confrontation between the two witches in Munchkinland was entirely a fabrication of the 1939 film’s screenwriters. The musical’s entire premise, and a large portion of the novel’s, relies on the idea that these two opposing witches shared some past which informs their conflict in that scene, but that moment is solely a product of the 1939 film.
---
I think the way Maguire skirted copyright is incredibly clever and certainly well within fair-use (and probably long past any statute-of-limitations for any kind of damages sought by WB), but I find it wild that such a popular franchise as Wicked has basically used legal gray areas to bring a rainbow of color to Oz, all while claiming use of public domain versions of characters, and clearly mining the trademarked versions of those characters for most of their inspiration.
​
TL;DR Wicked does not function as a prequel to the book by L. Frank Baum, but only serves as a prequel to the 1939 film, starring Judy Garland. This is evident because the Witch in Baum's book isn't green, doesn't ride a broom, only has one eye, no sister, and never interacts with Glinda (who is an amalgamation of two separate characters).

I have reservations about telling these following stories. My life has taught me that nothing at all comes from reminiscing about the “golden years” as it were. But I am now an old man, bereft of any use except what I can remember. I want you to understand the person writing this in order for you to grasp why you are getting this story, why you are getting it now, and why it holds an affect on me still. I am not easily frightened or overwhelmed. But the bizarre nature of these events My simple warning to any casual observer wishing to find entertainment is. I don’t have the answers to the questions and I don’t think I have enough time to find them anymore. Though frankly I don’t think I want them.
Part one
In 1972 I found myself at a party in Beverly Hills. I was an experienced Hollywood agent by this point. I had already seen a rise and fall of an entire movement and generation, and the art industry is always following the generational peaks and pits
“Keep your ‘lectric eye on me, babe”
“Put your ray gun to my head”
For many clients of mine, the changing days were terrifying because it meant that they had to change or die out like a forgotten species of animal, for me I just kept following the money. If the kids wanna watch Eastwood shoot people instead of Wayne, that is more than fine by me. This was my thinking. Of course it isn’t that simple for everyone else, but I don’t make money based on the quality of the film my actors are in. I make money based on the actor and trust me, plenty of my bigger paychecks have been raked in by what my father would call “a ton of bull.” I disagreed with him and I do today but you see what I mean. An opinion doesn’t buy a home in the hills and a motorcycle. Anyways I was deep in something vaguely alcoholic and privileged that night. Then I saw a friend of mine, who I was sure drove me here, he was holding two full bottles of whiskey pointing the openings directly in his mouth. In the crowd around him was young and somewhat new actor client of mine Sawyer Thompson who was wearing black aviators indoors,(making me question whether I should work with him at all) the entire legal team for Pink Floyd, what could have possibly been Carter Jacobs or Lou Reed(I don’t know I was quite drunk), the guitarist from Deep Purple, Nancy Sinatra, and a dude dressed as Joey Ramone(he probably wasn’t) about 20 more packed around my chaotic friend as the last of the liquor slipped into his mouth. He raised both bottles above him towards the ceiling
“AAAaaaAaaAAAAAAHHHhhhHhhhhHhhHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!” Is what I remember him screaming. Then he pelted a bottle into the wall behind him and it was pulverized into tiny bits. If this didn’t look the effects of simple alcohol to you, it’s because it wasn’t. Edward Stockton Williams was a stuntman and a slave to many things, Cocaine was one of them. At any time of his last 7-8 years of life he could very possibly have been arrested for the pure amount he had in his 1967 Volkswagen Beetle, stashed in little hidey-holes throughout the vehicle. He very possibly could be alive today if that hypothetical traffic stop ever took place. After he threw the first bottle he spotted me.
“HeeeEEY! BboBBBYy! cRAtcH DIS!” He yelled as his arm drew back
My eyes widened. Then he threw the bottle at me. I ducked and saw it sail over me, perfectly past multiple people you would think were of note, and then with a solid hit it took out this music producer from the east coast. Just like that. Silence except for that Bowie record.
“When the kids had killed the man”
“I had to break up the band”
He hit the ground, and of course, that’s when we heard the sirens coming.
“Some crotchety old fart trying to get sleep at 8:30pm called the fuckin’ cops” is what I thought. And then we ran. I don’t mean me, or me and Stockton, I mean ‘we’ as in the party. It must have been 50-80 people of varying sizes and shapes all on their feet moving as fast as possible through the building. I saw a man in an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt attempt a dolphin dive through a window and he bounced off like a 210 lb beach ball. I crawled out a side window and found Stockton in his cocaine filled, dark red beetle the stereo was cranked up and he doing lines off the top of the dash “waiting for me”
“My Stars….”
“So far….”
“No one’s calling me home”
“mmhf” I mumbled.
I had thought that the night was winding down. Past a certain point at night, the moon disappears and before the sun begins appearing on the sky, there is an hour or two that are quiet and dark. This is when the night people rest. Even so, the night wasn’t over just yet. We pulled out into the street. The car was parked along the sidewalk far enough away from the house that was now a circus lit by red and blue. I had ran through the neighbors bushes and I have always been a smaller guy so no one saw me I guess. We drove up and down and along the hillside. Lesser men would be dazed by this and better men wouldn’t have driven in the delirious and spent condition we were in. Everything we said was just nonsense but it was also the funniest stuff ever spat out by humans. It wasn’t the worst of times and it was a quiet stretch of road. Not much around at all. When we saw the hitchhiker the question wasn’t “should we pick him up” it was “hEy Eddie is that… yOu know,” I said pointing. I thought he looked familiar, maybe an old client of mine. The radio was still on.
“There’s a killer on the road”
“His brain is squirming like a toad”
*tzzswwswsswsszzzt*
Eddie changed the channel. And pulled over to pick the man up. The man was wearing black dress shoes and pants, white dress shirt, black unbuttoned waistcoat, and blonde well kept hair. He was pale and he had sunglasses on. I thought he looked like a yuppie from New York or maybe an actor from the black and white days but he couldn’t have been any more than 27-29 years of age. I wondered what he did long enough for him to enter the backseat and for Eddie to pull the small gasoline-drinking creature back into the street. I snapped out of it and Eddie asked what he did
“So, what do you do?”
“Well, what do you mean?” He said politely
“I mean job mister nineteen thirty-three, what do you do?” Eddie belched
“Well, I guess… I am a merchant” he said
“English” Eddie snapped
I mumbled audibly, “he sells stuff”
“Alright then, What do you sell”
“A little bit of everything” he smiled warmly. The man had a presence that worried me. He seemed polite enough I guess, but he had an aura that made me feel like any second something was going to happen. I brushed this off as the effect of the substances
“We haven’t caught your name yet” Eddie asked confrontationally,
“People call me lots of things” the man said,
“Like what, stranger” Eddie said
“What do you do for fun” I said quickly, this guy was extremely imposing in a completely non-physical way. Simply put, he made me very nervous and Eddie was too drunk to be capable of nervousness. So I alone had to maintain the peace in the now cramped Volkswagen Beetle.
“I like to collect things that I find” he responded with “I travel around and I collect something from wherever I go”
“Mmmmm” Eddie mumbled while squinting at the winding white lines
“That’s interesting I guess.” I said, in one sentence all of the tension was shattered. This man wasn’t mysteriously evil like I suspected he was just a weirdo. A bizarre artist type who came to L.A to make it big with his shitty music or paintings of fruit crying or some crap like that. I wasn’t scared anymore, I was just bored. All that and no payoff. What a scam. To clarify, I was wrong about this.
We entered a tunnel and everything went dark around us except for the desperate headlights of the car. Then the radio started getting weird, first it flashed in and out of connection with the station and then it started flying through the channels back and forth, back and forth, I spaced out for a second before I realized that it was saying something
“zzzzIzzzzan’tzzzzzbreaaatthheezzzz”
“zzzzIzzzzan’tzzzzzbreaaatthheezzzz”
“zzzzIzzzzan’tzzzzzbreaaatthheezzzz”
I caught a glimpse of the rear view and I swear I could see the stranger slouching back in his seat and grinning as if all was right with the world. Then bright lights
shined into the car blinding us. The radio settled on the station 69.9 The Ocean which was playing the end of “When the Music’s Over” by The Doors
Eddie swerved a little and slowed down. We were in the main drag of Hollywood. Cars all around as we pulled up to a packed four-way stop.
“How the hell did we get here?” I thought as I sat up and peered confusedly out of the window.
“Hey, um… Bobby my man, when did we start heading this way.” Eddie asked
“I don’t think we did.” I said
“Then how-“ as we were talking a Volkswagen Karmann Ghia with the top down shot past our right loudly playing the same station we were oddly enough
“Music is your ooonnllyy friend”
“Until the end”
The car entered the intersection and I noticed the kid in the car wasn't looking at the road, he was staring up, head back, his long brown hair in the wind, his aviators pointed directly at the empty night sky. He ramped off a divot in the road at the entrance to the intersection and
less than a moment later he punched the car into the side of a gasoline tanker truck that had the green light. The tanker was pushed so that the side that was hit lifted off the asphalt. And then, in the time it would take to take a single picture of the scene and immortalize that moment on film the tanker exploded into a fireball that rose into the sky killing the kid in the sports car, the truck driver, and two people I hadn’t met in a ford sedan were passing through the intersection in the opposite direction. The worst part was the image of the truck driver looking out his window and seeing what happened and watching as he does nothing to save himself, watching the silhouettes of the sedan people panic, watching the kid in the sports car lift his head in time to see fire jump at him consuming him, and worst of all seeing the bodies rapidly melt and fall apart in the fiery explosion. Then the windshield shattered, the car lurched back and as the suspension rebounded we got a good look at the aftermath. Eddie got out of the car. (to help I assume) I looked back and saw that the stranger was gone too. Fire was creeping up a tall building on the corner nearest to the explosion and the tanker was still a large bonfire. Despite this the fire department was there with ambulances faster than I expected possible and despite some minor injuries from glass shattering no one else was hurt majorly. The next day Eddie called me.
“Holy fiery shit Robert, do you remember what happened last night!?”
“Yep” I said “the important parts.”
“Well I don’t, but I’m looking at the tv right now-“ Faint noises were layered under his voice and I guess it was the tv.
“-And I’m thinking, what kinda bloodbath did you drag me to!?” He said more shocked than mad.
“I’m thinking about how you were driving and also what do you actually remember” I replied
“Mmmm, I remember getting to the party, I remember some of the party stuff, and I remember leaving in a hurry because of something, I remember we picked up a hitchhiker that pissed me off and I remember the radio acting up.” He said
“You really gotta pull back on the, ‘party stuff’ Eddie”
I said
He told me, “fuck you, mom.”
Then I told him I would talk to him later and I got ready for work. I had an appointment with someone that day. I walked in and I waited an hour or two at my desk reading a western novel about a bronco buster who broke his arm or something. I don't know I was really bored that day. After that hour or two I walked out of my office to ask my secretary what was going on.
“Hey, Ali, where is the guy?” I asked
She sighed heavily “What guy Robert?”
“Saaaaa- ammy t-t tom tom Thomas, Sammy Thomas, Sammy Thomas’s the name” I said confidently
“I don’t have anything under a Sammy Thomas, Robert.” Is what she said to me.
“Are you sure” she said looking at her ledger
“Mmmm hmmm”
“Oh shit.” she said, “Did you mean Sawyer Thompson?”
“OH YEAH” I yelled “That’s the name!”
“Robert he died, like last night too.”
“Huh?”
“I was watching the news this morning and I thought I recognized that guy.” She said “Well shit, Robert I guess you have the day off”
Sawyer Thompson was all we had booked for that Monday I guess.
This is it for part one.

I (24F) punched my mom’s boyfriend in the face…this is a long story so if you decide to read it tia!My mom divorced my dad about 4 years ago. She was immediately in a relationship with one of my high school best friends dad, and introduced me and my 2 sisters (12F) and (13F) about 1 month after my dad left our house. Obviously, this was difficult since it seemed like it was so soon but me and both of my sisters decided to support our mom (for the most part anyways) and told her we wanted her to be happy. I would like to also say I realize I was 22 and should probably have been living on my own, but I was still in college at the time and very broke so they allowed me to stay with them. Anyways… I already had previous experiences with this man that weren’t pleasant. I practically grew up around him considering I had been friends with his daughter since I was 12 and had seen him be not so nice to his ex-wife (yelling, cheating on Both sides, mean comments). I also, at 19, was out with him at a concert after being invited by my best friend. He had been divorced for about 3 years and was out with a women and had been drinking heavily. At the end of the night my best friend and I drove him back to his hotel. As he was leaving he became violent with his girlfriend at the time and they had a pretty explosive argument in the parking lot that ended with her running away from him. This isn’t the only instance but I can’t go into every single thing just know that I had in my mind he wasn’t the best person. I did explain to my mother some of the things I had seen and heard (we live in a small town so people talk) but she convinced me that he was completely changed and a much better person since meeting her. However, over the last 4 years I have witnessed him go from extremely clingy and lovey with flowers every other day to degrading my mom with small comments like “your brain isn’t big enough to comprehend that is it, ha?” Or he is just very snappy and short with her. He has been rude to me and my siblings. And he controls practically everything my mom does. She doesn’t wear shorts out in public anymore, and she seems nervous all of the time. I will say My mother is naturally a nervous person, but she wrings her hands and is very jumpy and that’s not something I noticed before and this has caused some tension already between me and him since in the back of my mind I suspect he may not be the best match for my mom. So anyways, back to the title (btw if you have stayed this long thank you very much). My mom and her boyfriend went away last weekend for 3 days. She works a lot and hasn’t been home much the following week after the trip until she was off work this Saturday. Last night, while my husband and I were away I received a call from my youngest sibling. She explained to me that she saw bruising on both of my mom’s arms and on her thighs. She said she thought that mom was acting weird and the bruises were very large. She also said my mom’s phone was busted and that she had just gotten her new one in the mail. When my sister asked my mom about these bruises she responded with “I fell down a set of stairs” and proceeded to change from shorts and a T into sleeves and pants. When I was told this, I immediately had the thought that my mom’s boyfriend could have done this to her. I told my sister not worry and that I would talk to mom when I was back in town. I got back this evening, and asked my mom if we could talk on her porch( her bf was at her house) she said yes and came outside. I asked her about the bruises and she told me the same that she fell on the stairs. I asked her if she was pushed and she just looked at me. I then took a look at her bruising which shocked me. I am a nurse and know what can cause certain types of bruising and what I saw looked like she had been grabbed on both arms. Her thigh bruise was the size of a volleyball and dark blue/purple. I looked at her and said these are not just from a fall and she said “they were from a fall and it will never happen again” with a look of fear in her eyes And I lost it. I stormed off the porch and into her bedroom and demanded he explain what had happened. When he said he didn’t know what I was talking about I cursed at him and said very unladylike things. He then told me that she was wasted and fell off the stairs (she wasn’t my mom was calling me and yes had a few drinks but not drunk enough to lose balance like that ). After a heated argument he looked at me told me to leave, my face went hot and I grabbed him and punched him 3 times in the face. He did not try to hit me, my mom got into the middle of us and I backed away and left.
After that, my mom hugged me and went back into her room with her bf. After about 20 min, my sisters called me and said mom had told them he did grab her (they heard the altercation and asked her what happed) but he didn’t mean to push her off the stairs which is more than she had told me on the porch.
I am feeling a lot of guilt for acting that way in my mother’s home and around my siblings. I have apologised to both of them and my mother. Honestly, I feel like IAMTAH for responding with violence and my emotions instead of behaving like an adult and maybe took things too far because of my previous feelings towards him? I don’t know how to handle the aftermath and I do not like confrontation. I’m actually shocked I even responded in this way. This isn’t like me and I’ve never done something like this before. If anyone takes time out of their day to read this please tell me what you think. TIA!!

So about an hour ago I accepted a trip for 2 deliveries and my first stop pulls up "Chuck E. Cheese" into the navigation...
I immediately text the customer and ask "you're at Chuck E. Cheese?"
They respond "no I'm at X address, Chuck e cheese is down the road from me, I put in the hotel address"
I text back "ok well I'm probably going to have to cancel the order since it's at a different address than I'm supposed to be, but I'll see what I can do"
(According to the MFC mgr, we are not allowed to deliver to a different address if the customer requests it)
I call customer support and tell them the situation.
She asks me for the order number of course, I read it to her and she responds "I cannot find this order, can you please read it again?"
!!!
So I read it again. She still can't find it. So I tell her "you know what, don't worry about it, I'm here at the new address. Stay on the line and let me start the drop off so you can bypass the location."
I start the drop off expecting it to give me trouble but it actually works, like there no issue with the address.
She's still on the line and suggested to bring the CX on the line so I agree. I head up to the room number provided (it was 420 btw) I get the pin code via text and complete the delivery.
I walk back towards the elevator watching the bag at the door. No one even got it.
Wtf is this? A joke?

let's be honest. there really aren't good arguments to justify killing an innocent baby. bigot's logic (denying full and equal protection to all human beings) is indefensible. the child neglect argument ("my body's my choice") is indefensible. so the next thing abortion advocates come up with is "my favorite non-governmental organization said abortion is a right!" or "the united nations said so!"
some abortion advocates believe that human rights come from press releases issued by non-governmental organizations (ngos). for example, abortion advocates like to point out that ngos like amnesty international say that abortion is a "human right," and thus it must be so. my question to those who actually believe this is if amnesty international put out a press release tomorrow stating that there is a human right for the authors of that press release to have their boots licked by you, how quickly would you kneel down and start licking their boots? surely they have a human right to have their boots licked by you.
others believe human rights come from more "authoritative" sources, such as the united nations. most people see the united nations as a joke organization. but it's not even true that the united nations or any of its treaties confer a right to an abortion.
to this day there hasn't been a single international treaty that says there's a right to an abortion. the word "abortion" isn't mentioned in any international treaties. instead, abortion advocates try to find a right to an abortion in reports issued by various united nations committees. these pro-abortion united nation committees are not judicial bodies nor do they have the legal authority to add to or alter the original treaties. all they can do is publish useless reports. so, to rephrase the question that was originally asked, if a united nations committee put out a report tomorrow stating that there is a human right for the authors of that report to have their boots licked by you, how quickly would you kneel down and start licking their boots? surely it must be so.
in fact, as i'll go into more details below, the legal instruments that are in effect actually favor the unborn child's right to life.

international covenant on civil and political rights

perhaps the most important united nations treaty is the international covenant on civil and political rights (iccpr). the treaty pretty much outlines what are known are natural, or human rights. here's how it starts off (emphasis mine):

The States Parties to the present Covenant, Considering that, in accordance with the principles proclaimed in the Charter of the United Nations, recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world, Recognizing that these rights derive from the inherent dignity of the human person, Recognizing that, in accordance with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the ideal of free human beings enjoying civil and political freedom and freedom from fear and want can only be achieved if conditions are created whereby everyone may enjoy his civil and political rights, as well as his economic, social and cultural rights, Considering the obligation of States under the Charter of the United Nations to promote universal respect for, and observance of, human rights and freedoms, Realizing that the individual, having duties to other individuals and to the community to which he belongs, is under a responsibility to strive for the promotion and observance of the rights recognized in the present Covenant, Agree upon the following articles:

it's interesting how abortion advocates on one hand criticize pro-lifers for believing in silly things such as the inherent dignity of the human person, yet on the other hand have their pants pulled down to circlejerk to the the united nations even though they mean the same as the pro-lifer.
now, article 6 of the iccpr, the right to life, has two pertinent points:

Every human being has the inherent right to life. This right shall be protected by law. No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his life.[...] 5. Sentence of death shall not be imposed for crimes committed by persons below eighteen years of age and shall not be carried out on pregnant women.

what this shows is that even joke organizations like the united nations recognize that the unborn baby is innocent. according to international law expert william schabas, point 5 was specifically added out of consideration of the interests of the unborn child. you cannot give the death penalty to an innocent baby.
abortion advocates will point to documents such as general comment 36 by the human rights committee that monitors implementation of the international covenant on civil and political rights. in the general comment 36 report on article 6 of the covenant, the right to life, the committee wrote that states "may not regulate pregnancy or abortion in all other cases in a manner that runs contrary to their duty to ensure that women and girls do not have to resort to unsafe abortions, and they should revise their abortion laws accordingly." but this language wasn't in the previous two reports that general comment 36 replaced: general comment 6 and general comment 14. so what changed? it certainly wasn't the international treaty that changed, but rather it was the specific united nations committee.
do abortion advocates seriously believe that the numerous countries that currently restrict abortions actually signed away their authority to restrict abortions when they ratified the international covenant on civil and political rights? if that is the case, then how come there are still abortion restrictions across the globe despite the fact that nearly all countries have ratified the international covenant on civil and political rights?
despite the abortion advocates' best attempts to hijack and re-interpret international law, this treaty still recognizes the inherent dignity of all human persons, including the unborn child.

convention on the rights of the child

the second legal instrument that strongly defends the unborn child is the convention on the rights of the child (crc). here's how it starts off (emphasis mine):

The States Parties to the present Convention, Considering that, in accordance with the principles proclaimed in the Charter of the United Nations, recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world, Bearing in mind that the peoples of the United Nations have, in the Charter, reaffirmed their faith in fundamental human rights and in the dignity and worth of the human person, and have determined to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom, Recognizing that the United Nations has, in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and in the International Covenants on Human Rights, proclaimed and agreed that everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth therein, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status, Recalling that, in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the United Nations has proclaimed that childhood is entitled to special care and assistance, Convinced that the family, as the fundamental group of society and the natural environment for the growth and well-being of all its members and particularly children, should be afforded the necessary protection and assistance so that it can fully assume its responsibilities within the community, Recognizing that the child, for the full and harmonious development of his or her personality, should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding, Considering that the child should be fully prepared to live an individual life in society, and brought up in the spirit of the ideals proclaimed in the Charter of the United Nations, and in particular in the spirit of peace, dignity, tolerance, freedom, equality and solidarity, Bearing in mind that the need to extend particular care to the child has been stated in the Geneva Declaration of the Rights of the Child of 1924 and in the Declaration of the Rights of the Child adopted by the General Assembly on 20 November 1959 and recognized in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, in the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (in particular in articles 23 and 24), in the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (in particular in article 10) and in the statutes and relevant instruments of specialized agencies and international organizations concerned with the welfare of children, Bearing in mind that, as indicated in the Declaration of the Rights of the Child, "the child, by reason of his physical and mental immaturity, needs special safeguards and care, including appropriate legal protection, before as well as after birth", Recalling the provisions of the Declaration on Social and Legal Principles relating to the Protection and Welfare of Children, with Special Reference to Foster Placement and Adoption Nationally and Internationally; the United Nations Standard Minimum Rules for the Administration of Juvenile Justice (The Beijing Rules); and the Declaration on the Protection of Women and Children in Emergency and Armed Conflict, Recognizing that, in all countries in the world, there are children living in exceptionally difficult conditions, and that such children need special consideration, Taking due account of the importance of the traditions and cultural values of each people for the protection and harmonious development of the child, Recognizing the importance of international co-operation for improving the living conditions of children in every country, in particular in the developing countries, Have agreed as follows:

the crc not only recognizes that the child "before as well as after birth" has special rights, but it also demands that the signatory states enforce parental duties and obligations so that children can flourish.
for some reason, the united nations committee assigned to monitor this treaty was also able to "find" a right to an abortion in this treaty. don't ask me how—some mental gymnastics are impenetrable and incomprehensible to even the sharpest minds.

international criminal court

the international criminal court (icc), though distinct and independent from the united nations, nonetheless has a bona fide relationship with the united nations, which was established by article 2 of the rome statute.
abortion advocates often point to article 7 of the rome statute and claim that this is the silver bullet they've been looking for. article 7 ("crimes against humanity") says that "forced pregnancy" is considered to be a crime against humanity:

1. For the purpose of this Statute, "crime against humanity" means any of the following acts when committed as part of a widespread or systematic attack directed against any civilian population, with knowledge of the attack: (a) Murder; (b) Extermination; (c) Enslavement; (d) Deportation or forcible transfer of population; (e) Imprisonment or other severe deprivation of physical liberty in violation of fundamental rules of international law; (f) Torture; (g) Rape, sexual slavery, enforced prostitution, forced pregnancy, enforced sterilization, or any other form of sexual violence of comparable gravity; (h) Persecution against any identifiable group or collectivity on political, racial, national, ethnic, cultural, religious, gender as defined in paragraph 3, or other grounds that are universally recognized as impermissible under international law, in connection with any act referred to in this paragraph or any crime within the jurisdiction of the Court; (i) Enforced disappearance of persons; (j) The crime of apartheid; (k) Other inhumane acts of a similar character intentionally causing great suffering, or serious injury to body or to mental or physical health.

abortion advocates then somehow make a leap and take this to mean that all laws against abortions are crimes against humanity. but this is a confused account. abortion advocates skip the next point where it explicitly defines forced pregnancy as the "unlawful confinement of a woman forcibly made pregnant, with the intent of affecting the ethnic composition of any population or carrying out other grave violations of international law." the article also explicitly says it has no bearing on a nation's laws on regulating pregnancy:

2. For the purpose of paragraph 1:(a) "Attack directed against any civilian population" means a course of conduct involving the multiple commission of acts referred to in paragraph 1 against any civilian population, pursuant to or in furtherance of a State or organizational policy to commit such attack; (b) "Extermination" includes the intentional infliction of conditions of life, inter alia the deprivation of access to food and medicine, calculated to bring about the destruction of part of a population; (c) "Enslavement" means the exercise of any or all of the powers attaching to the right of ownership over a person and includes the exercise of such power in the course of trafficking in persons, in particular women and children; (d) "Deportation or forcible transfer of population" means forced displacement of the persons concerned by expulsion or other coercive acts from the area in which they are lawfully present, without grounds permitted under international law; (e) "Torture" means the intentional infliction of severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, upon a person in the custody or under the control of the accused; except that torture shall not include pain or suffering arising only from, inherent in or incidental to, lawful sanctions; (f) "Forced pregnancy" means the unlawful confinement of a woman forcibly made pregnant, with the intent of affecting the ethnic composition of any population or carrying out other grave violations of international law. This definition shall not in any way be interpreted as affecting national laws relating to pregnancy;

it should be noted that the only people forcing pregnancies are rapists. pro-lifers are also against rapists and forced pregnancy. a baby is not a rapist.
so far, then, abortion advocates can't rely on the icc to find a right to an abortion either.

convention on the elimination of all forms of discrimination against women

next, abortion advocates will try to find a right to abortion in the convention on the elimination of all forms of discrimination against women (cedaw). but, like the other treaties, there is no actual provision for abortion; the word abortion isn't mentioned here at all. yet, the committee in charge makes up recommendations to push abortion. this treaty doesn't grant a right to an abortion, and in fact, several parties to the treaty made reservations and explicitly stated that they do not interpret a right to an abortion under the treat. many countries that are parties to this treaty to this day have strict limits on abortions.
but don't take my word for it. even though the united states is not a party to cedaw, bill clinton's state department confirmed that the treaty was "abortion neutral." the united states' senate, which is responsible for ratifying treaties, in its report on cedaw, included language that explicitly stated that the treaty does not include a right to an abortion. even the pro-abortion national organization for women concedes that cedaw is neutral on abortion.
interestingly enough, several paragraphs in this treaty confirm that the interests of the child are paramount and prioritized over the interests of his or her parents:

Article 5 States Parties shall take all appropriate measures: (a) To modify the social and cultural patterns of conduct of men and women, with a view to achieving the elimination of prejudices and customary and all other practices which are based on the idea of the inferiority or the superiority of either of the sexes or on stereotyped roles for men and women; (b) To ensure that family education includes a proper understanding of maternity as a social function and the recognition of the common responsibility of men and women in the upbringing and development of their children, it being understood that the interest of the children is the primordial consideration in all cases. [...] Article 16 States Parties shall take all appropriate measures to eliminate discrimination against women in all matters relating to marriage and family relations and in particular shall ensure, on a basis of equality of men and women:(a) The same right to enter into marriage; (b) The same right freely to choose a spouse and to enter into marriage only with their free and full consent; (c) The same rights and responsibilities during marriage and at its dissolution; (d) The same rights and responsibilities as parents, irrespective of their marital status, in matters relating to their children; in all cases the interests of the children shall be paramount; (e) The same rights to decide freely and responsibly on the number and spacing of their children and to have access to the information, education and means to enable them to exercise these rights; (f) The same rights and responsibilities with regard to guardianship, wardship, trusteeship and adoption of children, or similar institutions where these concepts exist in national legislation; in all cases the interests of the children shall be paramount;

the abortion advocate's/deadbeat dad's argument that one could kill, maim, impair, neglect, and/or abandon one's child for selfish, convenience reasons isn't compatible with this treaty either.
so, not even in this pro-woman treaty can abortion advocates find an actual right to an abortion.

geneva conventions

like the iccpr, the fourth protocol of the 1949 geneva conventions states that pregnant women should have the same special considerations as children. this treaty also recognizes that there is an innocent baby in his or her mother's womb.
in sum, this whole time abortion advocates had their pants down and were circlejerking to various committee reports issued by the united nations rather than actual, legally binding international treaties. what is even more embarrassing for them is that a texualist reading of several of the treaties instead show that the unborn child is innocent, has a right to life, and is owed care!

Sober Song #183
Livin’ On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
​
My original goal when I started this series of posts was to make one every day for a year. I didn’t keep up on it every single day, so now the goal is just 365 posts. However long that takes. Given that I will have been doing this for one year at the end of next month, I suppose it will end up being around two years. But like sobriety, this is a marathon and not a sprint. Keeping going is the crucial part and I’ve now officially made it halfway. 183 songs and a Spotify playlist runtime of 11 hours and 17 minutes. I was thinking about songs that have something to do with being in the middle or being halfway and the lines “Woah, we're halfway there / Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer” popped into my head, volunteering “Livin’ On A Prayer” as song #183.
​
Sobriety often feels like living on a prayer, whether you are inclined to pray or not. I just mean it in the sense of going on something that feels insubstantial or vague. Sometimes it feels like I can’t win for losing and everything is too hard (“ he's down on his luck / It's tough / So tough”). Plenty of days are “why am I even doing this” days. Of course, those are the days it is most important to stay sober, because sobriety is sometimes all I have (“We've gotta hold on to what we've got”). Looking at the lyrics now, I’m not reading it as involving only two people. I’d like to dedicate this one to the members of stopdrinking and the other supportive circles of sobriety I have. There’s a lot of love here and I think many of us have had a day or two when we wouldn’t have made it without that (“We've got each other and that's a lot for love”). It’s crucial to have a hand to reach for instead of a bottle (“Take my hand, we'll make it I swear”), even if that hand is actually a thousand invisible strangers I’ve never met in person. Thanks for being here.
​
Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck
It's tough
So tough
Gina works the diner all day
Workin' for her man, she brings home her pay
For love
Mm, for love
​
She says, "We've gotta hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot for love
We'll give it a shot"
​
Woah, we're halfway there
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand, we'll make it, I swear
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
​
Tommy's got his six-string in hock
Now he's holdin' in, when he used to make it talk
So tough
Ooh, it's tough
Gina dreams of runnin' away
When she cries in the night, Tommy whispers
"Baby, it's okay
Someday"
​
We've gotta hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot for love
We'll give it a shot
​
Woah, we're halfway there
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer, livin' on a prayer
​
Ooh, we gotta hold on, ready or not
You live for the fight when that's all that you've got
​
Woah, we're halfway there
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
Woah, we're halfway there
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
Woah, we're halfway there
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer
​
We’ll make it, I swear. IWNDWYT <3

Note: Sorry if the formatting of this post is confusing, I was writing as I thought these events out so it might be slightly confusing to read. If there are any confusions let me know in the comments and I’ll clear them up.
I (19f) want nothing to do with my guy best friend (20m). So, my guy best friend (let’s call him bob) and I have been friends for about two years. Bob had expressed to me that he had feelings for me when we first became friends, but claimed his feelings had gone away so I chose to ignore his former feelings and continue our friendship. As our friendship progressed, Bob started getting into some recreational substances and began trying to push me into participating. I refused as I had no interest, but I soon began to realize that on the very few occasions that I had been under any sort of influence, he had always acted quite bold and attempted to make a move on me. I was not really aware of that until recently when I began reflecting on the situation. Anyways, here’s where my issue began. Many months ago I began dating this guy that Bob HATED, because of this I kept our relationship a secret. Everyone knew that me and this guy (let’s call him Tom) had something going on. Once Bob figured that out, he invited Tom and I over. I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back I was i formed that Bob had cornered Tom and said something along the lines of “back off, I could treat her way better than you”. When I heard this I thought it was a joke because wtf that sounds like a line out of some old hallmark cliche. When I confronted Bob about this, he denied it ever happening and I chose to believe him. After another couple of months, Tom persuaded me into thinking that Bob was trying to push substances onto me so that he could sleep with me. I didn’t believe him, but eventually he wore me down and I chose to cut off Bob. Shortly after this I ended things with Tom for unrelated reasons. Two months after the breakup, Bob reached out to me and we rekindled our friendship. He began making weird comments insinuating that he may still have lingering feelings for me, but again I brushed them off. I ignored his antics up until Christmas. Bob had a Christmas party and I decided to bring my new boyfriend (20m let’s call him Steve). Steve is super easy to get along with and everyone at the party loved him. That is until Bob informed me that his family was disappointed in me having a boyfriend because they wanted us to be together (wtf??). Of course I told Steve about this, but Steve is very secure and brushed it off as did I. Eventually Bob and Steve grew to become somewhat friends with each other and I was super happy about it. Very recently (literally 2 days ago) Bob reached out to me best friend (19f let’s call her Amy) and lied to her stating that all I do is shit talk her and make fun of her appearance. Of course Amy called me, she confronted me and we figured out that she was lied to. For some background; Bob has ALWAYS had a thing for Amy and constantly makes very inappropriate comments about her which make everyone uncomfortable. Amy knew about these comments so she already did not like Bob. The thing is, Bob also threw Steve into this and accused him of also being mean to Amy. They have only met each other once for about five minutes he literally has no opinion on her. After venting to a close friend about this, she told me that Bob had done similar things to her friend to try and get everyone to hate her so that the only person she could talk to is Bob. I am absolutely terrified that Bob is trying to do the same to me. I have not spoken to him since Amy called me. I feel like I don’t owe him any explanation and that I would be justified in just ghosting him and never speaking to him again. What should I do? And WIBTA if I chose to just cut him off with no explanation? Please give advice I need unbiased opinions.

Ok so I guess I might have to like totally delete me account after this cause this can go super wrong but I will take a risk as this needs to be said. Ok so they are these fucking Mexicans at my school I don’t say all of them are bad but a bunch of them are so in my PE like it’s filled with Mexicans you know the worst ones. I am Indian but I dress neatly showed and use like the most quality perfume and like I do use deodorant. I straighten my hair so I don’t look crazy too. I wear Lululemon,makeup only a bit and I have AirPods a Stanley a nice phone an Apple Watch you get the idea it’s not like I look like a poor dirt at school. I hate that I have to do PE in 8th grade I never wanted to but I couldn’t do athletics as I had tennis after school so I could not go to practice. So these Mexicans like we did not fuck with them or anything I have another friend to who is Indian so those Mexicans just whenever they walk behind us they just deliberately try to say Omgggg it stinks her it smells so bad y’all should try deodorant when them themselves smell like cheap dollar tree perfume and have like real cheap clothes on. They are usually the ones who have school fights so I have no intention on fighting with them cause I just can’t punch anyone it’s just to hard for me anyways I can’t stand blood or hurting someone anyways I said something back once but never after cause it’s just stupid at this point so they get angry that we don’t talk back and just go on like are they deaf why won’t they say anything like bitch we ain’t dumb as shit and failing every single class like y’all. So my friend knows a bunch of swear words in all the languages even Spanish so when this girl Dana we hate her called her Puta(bitch) my friend just went stared into her soul before walking out called her a bitch and said or wait should I say it in the language you understand and said puta. Ok so not even the Americans try and bully us Indians but like these Mexicans always cross the line not all tho. They call us ugly when they can’t look at themselves in the mirror. A guy 7th grade an Indian got sanitizer poured into his food but like that’s just dumb at this point. They literally spend so much time trying to dirt talk us while they put tons of makeup which by the way still looks ugly and also that perfume they wear just stinks so bad. I didn’t mean all Mexicans are bad but like I do feel like they are so realist while them them selves suck. This guy first day came up to me and like literally spoke in Spanish said something I did not understand like they don’t even understand English. The girls just got so jealous and literally pulled him away like 💀 Lol these Mexicans need to be put into place and stop like trying to think they are the main characters I only posted this to see if anyone else experiences this.

If so, assuming it's a small change, what would you wish to change/improve?
For me it would be some extra dialogue with Malenia before the fight, or maybe a change in the Millicent quest line and that part always looked unfinished to me.
There have been discussions about data mined dialogue about Malenia calling the Tarnished a companion, so maybe she was supposed to be Millicent, however Millicent's quest line ends before she can bring the unalloyed gold needle to Malenia, even tho we do get it from her.
Assuming it's a small change, it would have to be some extra dialogue to clear up a few things:

1. Us raiding the Haligtree and also everyone there being hostile - this was supposed to be a refuge that a benevolent demigod built for outcasts, we have no business attacking them, or they being so hostile. Unless they give us a no-fight option to sneak trough the city? I feel bad for killing Finley and Loretta lol
2. Millicent and the fate of the golden needle - I know we can use it to remove the frenzied flame from us, but I wish there was something else to do with it, maybe having it in our inventory when fighting Malenia could add an extra few lines of dialogue, or we can offer it to her and get rejected (for some reason)
3. Malenia attacking us out of nowhere with barely any talk. The other bosses were either monsters who can't talk, or literally insane. But she just woke from a coma, could have at least asked us where we are and where Miquella is. We could have told here there and then where he was, instead we just stay quiet and fight her to the death.

So yeah, just adding a canon reason why Tarnished are killed on sight in the Haligtree (while all other outcasts can have refuge there), why run into Malenia with a key item from her lore (the needle) and key knowledge about the one thing she is waiting for - Miquella, and we don't even try to talk. I gotta be honest, the Tarnished does not look like the good guy in this interaction.
The only other thing I'd change is add some hidden item that when taken, could be used to befriend Ranni's dragon that is guarding her tower, to just make it non-hostile to let you pass, instead of literally killing her guardian in front of her window. The lore says:

Adula, a devourer of sorcerers, was bested by Ranni and subsequently swore a knightly oath to her Dark Moon.

We literally killed her dragon, guys. I wonder if him running away in the first fight was also due to cut content, if they intended Ranni to reintroduce us and avoid further hostility.

I just got into a top 20 college for engineering and I'm incredibly excited for next year. However, I'm struggling with feelings of loneliness right now. My friends have gradually started hanging out without me, leaving me feeling left out. Even for prom, I'm going with a group I'm not close with because my friends chose another group over me. It's painful, but my coping mechanism has been to detach myself from my emotions.
It's strange because my friends act cool with me at school, and I feel included, but they seem to disregard me outside of school. The thought of starting fresh in college is comforting, but it's also scary. Reflecting on my high school experience, I realize that I rarely initiated plans with my friends. Even when I had a different group in sophomore year, I didn't take the lead in making plans. I tended to stay home a lot, sometimes ignoring invitations. In college, I will try to join more clubs to meet new people.
Aside from friend issues, I'm also dealing with problems at home. My parents are currently getting a divorce, which I'm actually relieved about because it will be better for my mom. Being married to my father has been hard for her as he has a very flawed view of what is right and wrong. This situation is another example of feeling detached from reality. My mom was put into a mental hospital after attempting suicide a while ago, and I remember feeling indifferent at the time. I even had a firm belief that if my whole family died in a car crash, I wouldn't shed a single tear. Though I don't think that's true today, at the time, I truly felt it. I remember calling my mom while she was in the hospital, and she started blaming me for what happened, which only intensified my feelings of detachment and hatred toward feeling anything.
Anyway, the reason I typed all this out is because it's a Sunday night, my friends are hanging out without me, and I feel lonely. I wish I had a therapist to talk to, but that's not possible in my situation. Instead, I've turned to Reddit because having people respond to my post would make me feel less alone. I would also appreciate tips for how to make friends in college as I am scared I will screw up like I did in high school.
I plan to cut my current friends off right after graduation (and everyone else i spoke too in high school)

This year, I'd reconnected with an old friend. It was kind of random, she posted for the first time in forever and I'd reached out, complimenting her. Fast forward 2 weeks (some of the best of my entire life) and we'd decided to try out a relationship, taking things slow. She felt like magic to me, we'd known each other through high-school and she was awesome, but getting to know her better, she felt like a dream come true. Everything seemed fantastic, my birthday came and went and for the first time in years I actually celebrated, 1 month in still staying on call for practically days-at-a-time. I didn't think I'd love again after my past experiences, and yet here I was. The happiest I've been in almost 1/2 a decade, wanting to improve myself and actually live for once. She'd confided in me of never being loved right, all of her past relationships being majorly abusive. I tried my heart out to give her what nobody else ever had, genuine compassion, flowers, anything. If I could do it, for her I would have. I guess I still would if she gave me the chance. While I by no means was perfect, a lot due to my own "demons" (for lack of a better term) I tried to be the absolute best version of myself, for her. Where I'm certain I went wrong was a clusterf*** of miscommunication and terrible ideas. To explain, before we'd made things official together, her and a mutual friend were making plans going to a concert together. For obvious reasons, said mutual friend's gf wasn't too pleased at the idea of this and so a 3rd ticket was purchased, for her. fast forward to a month beforehand, the idea of me taking the ticket was passed around, my friend involved even seemed to prefer that I go, and since I would be taking the ticket, I felt it upon myself to break the news. It wasn't my place, I should have let the mutual friend take care of it. Then the final day of my relationship, the two of us are playing a game with some people and I keep spiraling, getting stressed out more and more about what how I'm going to address this, as well as other cascading problems in my life at the time. So I got flustered and went to sleep. In the morning, I hopped back online and learned from a friend that, while not only was I stressed out about this concert situation. My love was as well, a lot worse than me. She hid it because she didn't to say the wrong thing and disappoint anybody involved in the mess. Apparently thinking about it had been making her feel physically sick. I'd reached out to her almost instantly after finding out, putting an end to it, flat out telling her I didn't care about the concert, I just wanted her to be okay. That I wouldn't go through with taking the ticket and apologizing profusely for how I'd hurt her. She replied once, telling me she loved me and that in the future she would be more upfront about communication. After that, I sent another message of more of the same things, feeling horrible with myself for allowing this to happen. Afterwards I never got another text. No goodbye, no breakup, nothing. I spent almost a week after that day isolated, just waiting for a message alert. It got to the point I checked for any activity anywhere. Then, finally I woke up at 6pm, sleeping the entire day away, and I was blocked on every single account I had, everywhere. Snap, Spotify, Discord, Steam, even Alt accounts. Not only me, but my entire friend group, even friend's of mine's gfs. Probably about 20-30 people overall. All I wanted to do was talk about the problem, clear up any miscommunication and work things out. I tried to give her some space, so a few weeks after, still being in the dark and confused about what happened, if she was even okay, I texted her brother. Basically writing another apology and asking him to let her know I'm sorry and I hope she's doing okay. Still trying to mend things, but asking if she really wanted nothing to do with me. I got 1 text from her, telling me she'd be dropping my things off, and thanked me for my understanding. The following Monday, she came in the middle of the day, dropped them off, honked and drove off. It still feels like just last week I was staring into her eyes, seeing stars thinking I'm the luckiest person to ever exist. Then just like that, without so much as a word about it everything came crashing to a halt. Before we'd gotten together I was in a very low part of my life, I didn't think it could get any worse but with my luck it has. I don't know what to do, I feel lost, I feel guilty, I feel worthless and betrayed. Yet I still love her. I still want to mend things and make it work. She'll be moving come the fall though, and I think I know deep down that I cant do anything to get her back but every time I think about her the thought of never seeing her again, even in passing, cuts me to the core. I cant sleep at night, I have no will to do anything. Listening to music doesn't bring me joy, playing games is but a momentary distraction before I become upset with myself and everything comes cascading back, and when I look in the mirror I feel like I see a stranger looking back at me. I wish I was worth a goodbye, worth more than silence. Before things even got started, it was over. It makes me believe that I'm not meant to experience love, for I don't think I will ever find someone who can compare at all to her. The worst part of it all is the years of us being friends before everything feels like it all meant nothing. I just wish I knew if I was really that bad, to hear her voice again, even if it would hurt me. To go from lovers to complete strangers in the blink of an eye, it hurts more than I've ever experienced before, and that's saying something. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for hurting the most amazing woman in the world, and ruining the best thing to ever happen to me. It's been months and it still hurts just as much as it did the first day without her.

My husband was taken by ambulance to the hospital today. He's missed several sessions of dialysis (his choice) and somehow fell out of his wheelchair.
When he first fell I asked if he was okay and he said yes. I asked if he hit his head, he said no. I asked if he needed to go to the hospital and he said no. He wasn't bleeding or anything and seemed OK but I can't lift him on my own so I called for a lift assist. They came out and it took maybe 10 minutes or so for them to get there. Not long at all. They tried talking to him but he wasn't really answering their questions. They asked.if he knee where he was and he said the name of a hospital. They talked to him some more and tried asking again and he said the name of a different hospital. Odd. So they said he needed to be taken in and get checked out.
They took him to the closest hospital and the doctor called me to tell me he would have to be transfered because he needed a blood transfusion and they didn't have his blood type. I said OK. Secretly I was glad because I wanted him transfered anyway.
The second hospital called me and said he had arrived in their ER and they were going to admit him to ICU give him emergency dialysis and give him a blood transfusion. The hospital then called again saying he was admitted and was currently in ICU and they needed me to give permission for dialysis because of "concern about his mental state". This doctor also said that his blood work is very concerning and that they have to do dialysis slowly because taking the toxins off too fast can make his situation worse.
I'm really concerned about him amd wondering how he deteriorated so quickly when right before he fell he was acting pretty much normal except for being really tired/worn out and that was literally like 2 hours ago.
I'm also not sure when/if I should call his siblings. They live in a different state so I try to keep them updated on how he's doing/what's going on. He's in and out of the hospital a lot so I don't call them every single time he goes in anymore (I did when he first got sick). I always feel like I bug them too much or don't tell them enough. I never really know when and what to tell them.
It's too late to call them tonight but I will probably call them tomorrow and tell them what's going on. Hopefully I will have something more concrete to tell them.
I guess what this last doctor said about his blood work and having to pull the toxins off slowly really bothered me. I don't know. Something about the way he was talking concerned me. It seemed like he was being very careful to pick and choose his words which made it seem like there was something he wasn't telling me. I just don't know what. That could also just be my anxiety though.
Sorry for the rambling.

Tomorrow I’m meeting with my probation officer, I was charged with a F5 Deffered Sentence for Felony Menacing and a M1 Assault/causing injury, I’ve been on probation for the last two months. Last week I was arrested for a DUI (first offense) and for violating the protection order in a different county. I violated the protection order shortly after the initial incident (I understand this was extremely stupid on my end and I’m guilty of this), I had only reached out to make sure he was okay. It’s been nothing but a living hell since than. For the last 8 months my ex-boyfriend has been blackmailing me into staying in contact with him with threats of sending me to jail. I have several videos of him breaking into my home and threatening to dial the cops if I didn’t answer the door.
DUI AND PROTECTION ORDER ARREST:
The night of my most recent arrest he had jumped out of the vehicle we were in because another man was calling me (we are by no means dating), he told me I was his but I was tired of being his property so I told him that we weren’t in a relationship, that I could do whatever I wanted, that I was single.. to which he began to yell “NO YOURE MINE” profusely, I kept denying it and shortly after he jumped out of the moving vehicle.
I had been mildly drinking but still, I jumped over to the driver’s side and decided to park into the nearest parking lot. (For clarification we were on a busy road) I pulled over and manage to dial my sister to come pick me up. Some minutes passed and low and behold there was a police officer at the window. He told me he had seen me swerve into the parking lot and that was the reason for the stop. He asked me if I had been drinking, I was naive and told him everything that had happened.
QUESTION/ADVICE:
I understand the gravity of what I did, I know there will be consequences, tomorrow when I meet with my probation officer I fear I might be arrested again. This is a complete violation of my probation. I had no prior convictions and that’s why I was offered the deferred sentence to begin with. I’m wondering what the possible outcomes will be? How much jail time could I be facing etc.. Everyone close to me tells me that I should reach out to the victim’s advocate to show them the evidence I have compiled of what’s really been going on.. but I don’t know if this would even help and if it’s better not to even say anything.
Prior to accepting a plea bargain, I had reached out to my public defender, I explained to her how I was being harassed and blackmailed, she advised me to immediately report it, she told me I would be charged with a misdemeanor for breaking the protection order but that it was better to do this now rather than later but I never went thru w/it...
COLORADO

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRA-lanadelcray posting in relationship_advice
Inconclusive
**Mood Spoiler -*\*shes is now single
1 update - Medium
Original - 21st April 2024
Update1 - 22nd April 2024
​
1 New Update
Thanks to u/Various_Possible_527, u/-trout, u/keiciii and u/TeddyBearT800
for pointing out the new update
​
Update2 in the same post - 27th April 2024
​
I (25f) kissed another man when I was drunk. Should I tell my boyfriend? (28m)
​
This past Friday my friend threw a huge party for her 26th birthday, it wasn't a particularly significant birthday but her father always indulges all her requests and her parties are always one of the highlights of the year.
This year she was inspired after watching The Fall of the House of Usher on Netlfix and wanted to throw a party in an abandoned building and her father made it happen. I wasn't too involved with the planning this year because work kept me busy so when I first heard the idea I was skeptical but she pulled it off spectacularly.
A little backstory on my boyfriend and I, we met at uni when I was 18 and had been close friends, slightly lost contact when we graduated and I got engaged, my fiance died when I was 22 and he was great support to me during that time and after that since he moved to a city 4 hours away we'd only exchange the occasional text. Well, until Feb of this year when we both got slightly pissed at a another party and slept together. He asked me out after that and we slowly transitioned into a relationship.
Anyway moving on, I woke up today with vague memories of what had happened the night before but my body felt...wrong. I know I got insanely drunk and stupidly said yes when I was offered ecstasy. I've only ever smoked weed in the past and that was during uni, the UK is very strict about drug usage and my job requires a pretty intense background check, even being in the vicinity of substances might get me fired.
At the party I hung about with my friends towards the beginning of the night but I turn into a social butterfly when I'm drunk and I wandered off and ended up chatting to a friend of a friend I barely knew. He was quite flirty and I remember mentioning pretty early on that I had a boyfriend and he said he was just 'bantering', now I can't remember who initiated it but I remember kissing him. I don't for how long but it felt pretty intense.
After beating myself up and having a shower I asked any of friends if they had witnessed anything and one of them said she was the one who has dragged me away from the other guy after seeing me making out with him. She said as she grabbed me she could tell I was ridiculously drunk and had no idea what I was doing and took care of me the rest of the night.
She had chosen not to say anything to me if I didn't remember since it was just a drunken mistake and my other friends agree with her. They said it's not worth blowing up my relationship with something like this since it doesn't mean anything and I barely remember what happened. She told me nobody else saw since we were in quite a secluded corner and this secret would stay in between us but I'm not sure how to proceed.
He texted me this morning asking how I was and hoping I had a nice time and if my friend liked her present since he helped me shop for it and I haven't been able to reply to him. I've got no words until I sort out what I'm going to do.
I know these girls would never tell a soul what happened but the guilt is killing me. I don't know how I'm going to face my boyfriend the next time I see him even if I choose not tell him.
And if I do then how do I deal with everything if he chooses to leave? I know I'll never do anything like this again because I'll never let myself be put in such a mindless state but would it be absolutely horrible of me if I choose to just move on from this without telling him? I need objective advice because I know my friends are always going to try and protect and help me. I know I exhibited supreme lack of judgement and would not mind any criticism but don't slutshame please.
​
Comments
​
OperatorValueson
Tell him and accept the repercussions as the cost of this mistake. There is no way out of it. Learn from this and grow as a person.

OOP: I think this was definitely the wake-up call I needed about how I'm living my life

​
Gatorman042755
You think your secret will be safe with your friends, but this kind of thing always gets out eventually. So, you have a choice between the following:
Coming clean with your bf now, confessing your mistake and promising never to get that sh\t faced again, and because you're being forthcoming, honest, and regretful, having the possibility that he will eventually forgive you, and maybe save your relationship.*
Having him find out a month, 6 months, or a year down the road. At that point he will know that you hid it from him, lied by omission, and have a hard time proving and documenting what actually happened. He will never forgive you or trust you again if he finds out about it this way, and it is almost certainly a death knell for your relationship.

OOP: The possibility of him not forgiving me is what is terrifying to me but you're completely right about it being worse if he finds out down the road. I don't think there's going to be a magical perfect outcome for me here

​
​
Update - 1 day later
​
Thank you everyone for the advice left, especially the comments calling out my behaviour. While they initially stung, you made me see the way I was trying to justify what I did instead of taking accountability. I got a dozen messages from people who had been in my boyfriend's position before and I want to apologise if my post was triggering in any way. So I listened to the majority and told my boyfriend.
I texted my boyfriend that I missed him a lot and he said that he could drive down and stay for a couple of days since he could work remotely if he wanted to but I don't have that option. He basically left as soon as I asked him to and it takes him about four hours to reach my city in which I had enough time to get the full story of that night.
I asked a friend of mine if he could find out from the guy what happened without making it obvious I was asking and he agreed, I asked him to call me when he did so me and my friends could listen in. I wanted to know exactly what he said so I knew what to tell my boyfriend.
My friend is closer to the guy than I am and they game together so him going over to his flat wasn't an uncommon occurrence. Initially he was worried that he wasn't a 'good actor' but I told him exactly how to bring it up and he did pretty well tbf.
He said he had seen me and him kissing and asked what was going on. The other guy laughed the whole thing off, saying he didn't think I'd be such a slag and that my friend was a 'c*nt' for dragging me away. My friend said the situation was pretty fucked now since I had a boyfriend and the other guy said if I didn't want him to kiss me then I shouldn't have hung around him all night but my friends told me I wasn't around him for more than 20 minutes in total.
At least now I know I'm not the one who initiated the kiss and he was much more sober than me since he recalled things I had no recollection of saying. In my previous post I said I remembered mentioning my boyfriend and he said that too so I am trusting the little memories I have of that night. A couple people messaged me saying I had been taken advantage of but I honestly can't say that since I did kiss him back. That is a huge accusation to make and I can't remember enough even say that.
Everything that guy said just confirmed to me that I needed to tell my boyfriend. I am furious with him for the way he talked about my friend and I but I'm not going to waste anymore time on him.
While my boyfriend was driving down I texted him that I needed to talk to him about something important as soon as he got here so I wouldn't chicken out. I live with two of my girlfriends and they cleared out until I had talked to him so I had no excuses. He looked so worried when he arrived, I think he thought I was going to break up with him since I was crying as well. He was being so unbelievably sweet and hugged me tightly and said he wanted to work it out and just wanted me to talk to him.
So I sat him down and told him not to interrupt me and to let me finish. I told him everything, taking ecstasy, kissing another guy and waking up not remembering anything, I even told him that I contemplated not telling him anything, what the guy said on the phone. Absolutely everything.
He was holding my hand tightly in the beginning and by the end of it he had his head in his hands as he listened to me finish. He just sat there in the end and stared at the floor. I knew I needed to give him time but I don't know how long we both just stared into space. I had no clue what he was thinking. I would've preferred if he just yelled so we could atleast talk, I wanted to shake him into saying anything.
When he finally spoke, his voice sounded soft and hurt. He asked me if I actually did want to see him or if I made him drive four hours just so I could tell him I kissed someone else. I said I did miss him but knew I needed to tell him what had happened and didn't want to do it on the phone.
I told him that I wanted to take full accountability and that as drunk or high as I was that was no excuse and I was so very sorry for hurting him this way. After this I know I can't trust myself to drink in a responsible way and that I'm going to cut back on it. I've planned to go fully sober for one month just so I know I can and that nothing like this happens again.
He replied that this had just confirmed every insecure thought he had about our relationship. He said he always felt like I had one foot out the door and that he had pressured me into this relationship and maybe what I did was a way getting out of it. I said it was a drunken mistake and it didn't mean anything further. He said it meant he loved me but I didn't love him and had this been any other girl in his past he would've been out the door but he couldn't do that with me just yet.
And I couldn't fight him on that. I couldn't say I loved him right now, I cared for him alot and I could see myself being in love with him in the future but I'm not there right now. I haven't been in a relationship since my fiance and it's been difficult for me to open up my heart to someone else. I'm terrified of being left by someone else I love.
I asked him if he could see himself ever forgiving me and he said that he didn't know right now. I know I'm not the victim here but hearing that was so painful I just started sobbing and being the amazing man that he is, he comforted me and I felt so disgusted with myself for hurting him. He held me against his chest, stroked my hair and let me cry it out.
And then he left, saying he was going to get a hotel and come back tomorrow so we could talk when we're not so emotional and after he decided what he wanted moving forward. I told him he could stay in my room and I'd sleep on the sofa but he said he didn't think he could be around me right now and make a rational decision.
Right now I'm fighting to urge to go to him and make him stay any way I can. I know there's no magical words that'll fix this. Also has anyone ever been through anything like this and how did you and your partner worked past it?
​
Comments
​
Independent-Library6
Had him drive 4 hours so you could tell him you cheated, lol. Jesus, you're insufferable.
lookingforpc
Harsh, you know she did it in goodwill in a panicked state, but I'll admit it must not have helped the situation
​
WominjekatoNaarm
Guess who is currently on his way home right now. OP. It'll be a miracle if you ever hear from him again. You might want to check your socials and see if he is still on there. If he isn't, he won't be coming back.
​
Update 2
Sorry I forgot to update this but this past week has been pretty shit. I wrote down everything that happened but wasn't in the mood to post it until today.
My boyfriend came back the next day and his demeanour had completely changed. I tried to hug him and he side stepped me and asked if we could go on a walk to talk since he didn't need my friends as an audience.
Before he could speak I apologised again and promised to do whatever to make it up to him and he said I didn't need to do that. He said he thought about it all night and came to the conclusion that we never should've started dating no matter how in love he was. That the conception of our relationship was from me being drunk and sleeping with him and that he should've treated it like a mistake rather than the start of a relationship. He said he was tired of feeling like a second thought and apparently I made him feel that way.
I kept on saying I wanted to be with him even though I know he deserves better and that I knew what I was doing when we got together and in what circumstances did I make him feel like he didn't matter? He said he's seen me in relationships when I care and love the person and he didn't get any of that.
After my fiance died, he was the one that pushed me to go to therapy and I always refused since I didn't think I needed it and he brought that up as well and said my life would continue to be a mess and I would continue to hurt other people until I broke my destructive patterns and actually dealt with my emotions.
I just had no clue what to say. I admit I'm the one that fucked up but it's one fuck up, it's not always indicative of some larger problem. A mistake is a mistake sometimes.
He said he still loved me but knew carrying on with a relationship right now would cause more problems between us later down the line and he didn't want that. I told him I didn't understand, if he loved me how could he leave me? I still don't understand. He said just because we wouldn't be together didn't mean he'd disappear from my life. He said anything that happened between us right now would be tarnished and he wanted a relationship without guilt and that wouldn't be possible right now. I saw how painful it was for him to say all of that to me, I'd never seen him cry before.
He left after that since I couldn't talk to him anymore. I just felt so hurt and abandoned and then felt guilty for feeling like that since I was the one who fucked up and it was just a vicious cycle. He kissed me when he said goodbye and said he'll check up on me soon.
He texted me the next day, just asking how I was and I didn't know how to reply so I didn't. He still messages everyday, asking how I am and that he really wishes I would text back since he's worried about me. I cant find it in me to reply. I know he's asked my friends about me but they said he just seemed concerned about me.
I still can't believe he ended it.
The only positive is that I've not drank any alcohol in about a week and it's much more difficult than I initially anticipated but I'm going to carry on and try and finish a month.
I'll update if anything else changes but it probably won't
​
Comments
​
Longnumber (before the update)

Also has anyone ever been through anything like this and how did you and your partner worked past it?

Yeah, I'll share, but I don't think it will help you get back together.
I'm now mid 30s. I've been with my wife since we were 20. We were long distance off and on for the first years. We never really set clear boundaries on what was and wasn't over the line. Dancing with other people when we went out was never discussed although making out/anything approaching sex obviously was off limits. I would wingman with friends and talk/dance with girls but never let anything escalate. Felt like it was harmless fun.
One night 2 years into the relationship, I was very drunk and essentially got ditched at a party where I knew no one and with no way home except to wait for a ride that wouldn't be for over an hour. I thought, "fuck it, I'll meet people and dance". I ended up dancing with a girl which escalated into making out. She was talking about getting me back to her place. When we split to go to the bathroom, I sobered up, realized what I was doing and went outside and waited for my ride.
There were no witnesses, no way for me to ever get caught. But, I felt guilty. And, I knew with roles reversed, I would want my girlfriend to tell me. So, I told her. And said I realized that it was easy for dancing with other people to escalate so I'd cut it off.
She didn't like it, duh, but it wasn't even a fight. She asked for reassurance it wouldn't happen again and I gave it. Then we said "I love you" and had sex. We moved on. And, over a decade later, I haven't done anything else that approached cheating.
Factors that i think worked in our favor for getting over this that you may be :
​

• I didn't blame being fucked up and gave a concrete plan for never repeating the mistake.
• it was clear there was no way she could have found out without me telling her. No friends around.
• we are both rational people and knew and had discussed being in love and getting together didn't mean no one else could be attractive
• I gave verbal and physical reassurance and did not give "space" unless it was asked for.
• I told her at a convenient time and did not make her drive 4 hours to hear my confession.
• I didn't make her comfort me
• we had already discussed being committed to each other and planning to spend our lives together. There was no question about whether I actually loved her or had "a foot out the door". I was able to tell her I loved her and mean it.

​
All in all, I think this is something you could get over if you were otherwise committed to this guy and if the story here is really the whole thing. But, bottom line, you couldn't tell him you loved him and mean it. I think it's over.
​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is /CWR's weekly recurring Off-Topic and Low-Effort CW Thread.
Post small CW threads and off-topic posts here. The rules still apply.
What belongs here? Most things that don't belong in their own text posts:

• "I saw this article, but I don't think it deserves its own thread, or I don't want to do a big summary and discussion of my own, or save it for a weekly round-up dump of my own. I just thought it was neat and wanted to share it."
  
• "This is barely CW related (or maybe not CW at all), but I think people here would be very interested to see it, and it doesn't deserve its own thread."
  
• "I want to ask the rest of you something, get your feedback, whatever. This doesn't need its own thread."
  

Please keep in mind werttrew's old guidelines for CW posts:

“Culture war” is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people change their minds regardless of the quality of opposing arguments.
Posting of a link does not necessarily indicate endorsement, nor does it necessarily indicate censure. You are encouraged to post your own links as well. Not all links are necessarily strongly “culture war” and may only be tangentially related to the culture war—I select more for how interesting a link is to me than for how incendiary it might be.
The selection of these links is unquestionably inadequate and inevitably biased. Reply with things that help give a more complete picture of the culture wars than what’s been posted.

Answers to many questions may be found here.
It has come to our attention that the app and new versions of reddit.com do not display the sidebar like old.reddit.com does. This is frankly a shame because we've been updating the sidebar with external links to interesting places such as the saidit version of the sub. The sidebar also includes this little bit of boilerplate:
Matrix room available for offsite discussion. Free element account - intro to matrix.

With the sudden and unfortunate move to Salt Lake City I've been blindsided by what fandom to relocate to myself. I remember growing up going to Coyotes games against the Red Wings just how passionate they were (all due respect to AZ). I also remember watching the 08 Finals and cheering hard for Detroit to win. I committed to the Coyotes of course till the end (which is now) and I feel that this team is my calling for the future For what it's worth I'm also a Packers fan which seems to fall in line with a lot of other cheese heads one way or another. Having another rivalry with a Chicago team seems fun as well. So that's that, hope to be welcomed on board and I am looking forward to ending the 8 year Playoff drought.

IDK where to start this story is a long one :). I'm 38M, I've been living in the States for over 8 and a half years now. Originally from a Latin country and what I think a completely dysfunctional family.
Mom for pregnant at 19, I never knew my real dad or any of his family, they just never showed up in my life (or at least that's what I've been told all these years and that's a taboo that I don't touch so I don't make my mom feel uncomfortable). Surprisingly enough I didn't know anything until I was 9yo that I was asking why my sister had a last name different than mine, what a surprise discovering that "my dad" (my sister's) was not my blood dad, damn I could never forget that day and the ones that followed.
On top of that my family very poor and all smokers , something that I was always fighting for then not to smoke inside of the house; and then my uncle with some mental health issues the aggressive retarded one, sole people in the family used to be scared of him. I can't forget those days of him fighting or intimidating my granda or even us cousins.
Childhood was difficult case we were also very poor, so that too. I came to live with maternal grandma when Mom and my dad (my sister's) when I was 12yo although I lived in the same town as my mom and used to see her almost every day. Pretty much everyone but my grandpa and grandma (who were out of this world, mainly my grandma, God know I miss her every day) had inferiority complex issues, like really bad till this day although I have prohibited such childish behaviors when talking to me and any kind of gossip about anyone.
Thanks God I was always good at school and had the best scores; I went to military highschool and university following my "dad" steps until around he died when I was 19 and I realized that this is no the life I want. I dropped university then went to military service which was mandatory in my country, and right away a girlfriend I had got pregnant, I was then 20 and had a big fight with my mom because she said that I was screwed for life and that I wasn't going to finish the university. I told her "I will have my baby, I will study, I will graduate and then I will slam the diploma on your face".
A few years went by, I had my daughter, I finished the military service then started working and studying then finished my bachelor and graduated in the and started to work in the IT field. But never stoped studying languages, English, French and then Italian. i divorced from my daughter's mom after 6 years but left things in food standin and used to visit my daughter every other day and pick her up on the weekends cause she lived back then pretty close in the same town.
I started dating my Italian teacher and we ended up getting married (it's been 10 years now and I still love her like the first day) and some how had the opportunity to come to the States the hard way, coming all the way from Ecuador crossing every single one of those countries.
My wife came with me but she didn't have to follow that same route cause he had a EU passport (and thanks God for that), so we came to the States got parole, green card, and eventually citizenship). We had it difficult at the beginning to the point that we had to sleep in our car, work under the table without job permit or anything and it was just the two of us. Things started to get better overtime, I got a job in the IT industry, kept studying and passed different certifications, my wife got an AS in business administration, we bought a house and both are as glad as we can be with this country and its people regardless. We have always supported my family since we came to the US, we sent all kind of clothes, medicines, money and everything they needed over there of course always prioritizing our life because we life here not there, and because we have been fighting, studying, working and planning a life here, going back is not an option for us. We love the US, it's law's, the language, food, privacy, respect, and liberty; things that you don't have in other countries.
During these years away from my original country both if my grandparents passed and my mom took good care of them till they closed their eyes, I giver her that and will be eternally glad full.
My mom and family in general (but my grandparents) have always complained of everything we don't have food, we don't have this, or that and I'd dare to say that jealous of people that have had it better in life. Over the hears my principles and life in general have taught me that behavior it wrong and you will never grow acting like that, not personally or professionally, so I heave been heavily criticizing every one of their manifestations in front of me with words like "Stop there, others have what they have fought for, they deserve it, you should do the same" or "You don't know anything about that person, you should be concerned about your life, not others". All that gossip all that jealousy, all that I hate it, I think it's from low people.
So, because of family and because you usually want what's best for your family, even if sometimes becomes a nuance in your life, I never stopped supporting them, even when COVID hit and I got PTSD from a toxic job I had at the time and maybe because of the situation with my family and my grandparents very sick back then.
I got better job and then petition my mom, and my daughter, then around the same time that the both came to live with us, my sister, nephew and my brother in law (who was no longer actually in a relationship with my sister) made it to the country and came to live with us as well.
I was the only one working in the house supporting 6 other people cause my wife got burnout from a call center and dedicated full time to finish college.
My nephews dad lived with us for an entire year and paying nothing other than cell phone and like $200 the las 3 or 4 months. My sister spent an entire year doing nothing because of the work permit and all the paperwork. My wife and I were like trash the first few months sleeping almost nothing between job, school and taking them to appointments, not to talk about expenses.
It's been year and a half and everyone is still in the house, my sister helps with ~500 a month and some of the food, but these days that's no money for a house with 6 people. Everyone is working now, everyone but my nephew who's 7 and other than my sister's, it's me and my wife supporting the entire house and everything. My mom I have told her to help the rest of the family outside of the states and that's her responsibility I don't want to have anything else to do with that. And my daughter who's a senior to save the money for college.
The cultural crash has been tough with a lot of friction cause they come like savages (and God forgive me to speak this way) my mom's brain is still abroad and it's been more than a year for her already. I don't like spending my time talking about tiger country that's not the one I live in, I care and breath US don't come with news or crap or gossip about some other country. It's not that I have forgotten my roots my life is here now.
So for a while now it's been more and more common my mom (who's 58 and all in there) asking about everything that moves or walks inside the house. If I am taking to my wife or my daughter she has to ask even if the conversation is not with her or I haven't said her name, if it's with a friend she has to interrupt and then I've been getting more and more triggered, also because of the never stopping eating habit she has is like "mom you should eat better and exercise more because of your health, you're no longer a teenager", then she gets bitter and mad, then outs the long face.
This morning I had to tell her to please stop doing that , the interrupting and asking because I'd annoying for everyone in the house and of course she put the long face all day and we haven't crossed words other than she replied "Ok then I won't talk because I bother others".
The other day I sat with her and told her that we have a friend of my wife coming from Europe to spend a couple of weeks in 4 months and it's time for my sister to start looking for a place. This is a 2x2 house and we have no space even after I converted the garage into a 3rd bedroom. The she out the long face. Not to mention that I borrowed my sister a while back 20K and told her to keep it but 6K which was my wife's.
Sometimes I just want to sell the house take my wife and daughter and go somewhere really really far and forget the rest of my family. It's like sh... after so many hears supporting and feeding my family I can't freaking have a quiet life because of the that they don't get it that living costs money and that I need my space and a place where I can call home and relax, my daily work in IT drains me mentally and after I am done with my day the least of the things I want is drama, questioning or long faces.
Comments are welcome, good or bad, all are welcome. I am at a point where I don't think I have been a had son, brother or father, but what the heck with my family I have to be all day with the whip ok hand putting order in my own house. I don't want this to affect my marriage, I don't really know an easy exit without creating a situation of discomfort for my sister and my mom (whom if continues with that behavior will have to go back to my original country or to live with my sister). Am I being a bad person or selfish?

I got the error trying to build the package that I created using the instruction available on http://wiki.ros.org/ROS/Tutorials/ RosWiki
I am also trying to understand the folder structure and I am a noob trying to get into this field of robotics and everyone points to ROS and this is getting frustrating because I can't create a simple package and get to scripting.
I am running M3 Mac, let me know if you need anything else from me to help me troubleshoot this. I installed ROS using conda following instruction on this website:
https://robostack.github.io/GettingStarted.html
Let me know if I am doing something wrong following basic instructions. Please be kind, life is hard already, thanks.
Recreating issue:
```
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws rm -rf ./*
zsh: sure you want to delete all 4 files in /Users/someone/Desktop/Projects/ROS-Basics/ros2_ws/. [yn]? y
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws ls
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws mkdir src
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws src
(ros_env) ➜ src ros2 pkg create --build-type ament_python basics --dependencies rclpy
going to create a new package
package name: basics
destination directory: /Users/someone/Desktop/Projects/ROS-Basics/ros2_ws/src
package format: 3
version: 0.0.0
description: TODO: Package description
maintainer: []
licenses: ['TODO: License declaration']
build type: ament_python
dependencies: ['rclpy']
creating folder ./basics
creating ./basics/package.xml
creating source folder
creating folder ./basics/basics
creating ./basics/setup.py
creating ./basics/setup.cfg
creating folder ./basics/resource
creating ./basics/resource/basics
creating ./basics/basics/__init__.py
creating folder ./basics/test
creating ./basics/test/test_copyright.py
creating ./basics/test/test_flake8.py
creating ./basics/test/test_pep257.py
[WARNING]: Unknown license 'TODO: License declaration'. This has been set in the package.xml, but no LICENSE file has been created.
It is recommended to use one of the ament license identitifers:
Apache-2.0
BSL-1.0
BSD-2.0
BSD-2-Clause
BSD-3-Clause
GPL-3.0-only
LGPL-3.0-only
MIT
MIT-0
(ros_env) ➜ src ..
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws ..
(ros_env) ➜ ROS-Basics colcon build
Starting >>> basics
[0.216s] WARNING:colcon.colcon_core.prefix_path.colcon:The path '/Users/someone/Desktop/Projects/ROS-Basics/ros2_ws/install' in the environment variable COLCON_PREFIX_PATH doesn't exist
--- stderr: basics
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/colcon_core/executo__init__.py", line 91, in __call__
rc = await self.task(*args, **kwargs)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/colcon_core/task/__init__.py", line 93, in __call__
return await task_method(*args, **kwargs)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/colcon_ros/task/ament_python/build.py", line 102, in build
return await extension.build(additional_hooks=additional_hooks)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/colcon_core/task/python/build.py", line 90, in build
available_commands = await self._get_available_commands(
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/colcon_core/task/python/build.py", line 188, in _get_available_commands
output = await check_output(
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/colcon_core/subprocess.py", line 129, in check_output
assert not rc, f'Expected {args} to pass: {stderr_data}'
^^^^^^
AssertionError: Expected ['/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/bin/python3', '-W', 'ignore:setup.py install is deprecated', 'setup.py', '--help-commands'] to pass: Traceback (most recent call last):
File "/Users/someone/Desktop/Projects/ROS-Basics/ros2_ws/src/basics/setup.py", line 5, in
setup(
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/__init__.py", line 104, in setup
return distutils.core.setup(**attrs)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/_distutils/core.py", line 171, in setup
ok = dist.parse_command_line()
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/_distutils/dist.py", line 473, in parse_command_line
if self.handle_display_options(option_order):
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/dist.py", line 943, in handle_display_options
return _Distribution.handle_display_options(self, option_order)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/_distutils/dist.py", line 688, in handle_display_options
self.print_commands()
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/dist.py", line 722, in print_commands
cmdclass = ep.load()
^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/importlib/metadata/__init__.py", line 205, in load
module = import_module(match.group('module'))
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/importlib/__init__.py", line 90, in import_module
return _bootstrap._gcd_import(name[level:], package, level)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "", line 1387, in _gcd_import
File "", line 1360, in _find_and_load
File "", line 1310, in _find_and_load_unlocked
File "", line 488, in _call_with_frames_removed
File "", line 1387, in _gcd_import
File "", line 1360, in _find_and_load
File "", line 1331, in _find_and_load_unlocked
File "", line 935, in _load_unlocked
File "", line 995, in exec_module
File "", line 488, in _call_with_frames_removed
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/nose/__init__.py", line 1, in
from nose.core import collector, main, run, run_exit, runmodule
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/nose/core.py", line 12, in
from nose.loader import defaultTestLoader
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/nose/loader.py", line 21, in
from nose.importer import Importer, add_path, remove_path
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/nose/importer.py", line 12, in
from imp import find_module, load_module, acquire_lock, release_lock
ModuleNotFoundError: No module named 'imp'
Failed <<< basics [0.40s, exited with code 1]
Summary: 0 packages finished [0.48s]
1 package failed: basics
1 package had stderr output: basics
Expected ['/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/bin/python3', '-W', 'ignore:setup.py install is deprecated', 'setup.py', '--help-commands'] to pass: Traceback (most recent call last):
File "/Users/someone/Desktop/Projects/ROS-Basics/ros2_ws/src/basics/setup.py", line 5, in
setup(
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/__init__.py", line 104, in setup
return distutils.core.setup(**attrs)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/_distutils/core.py", line 171, in setup
ok = dist.parse_command_line()
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/_distutils/dist.py", line 473, in parse_command_line
if self.handle_display_options(option_order):
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/dist.py", line 943, in handle_display_options
return _Distribution.handle_display_options(self, option_order)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/_distutils/dist.py", line 688, in handle_display_options
self.print_commands()
File "/opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages/setuptools/dist.py", line 722, in print_commands
cmdclass = ep.load()
^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/importlib/metadata/__init__.py", line 205, in load
module = import_module(match.group('module'))
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/importlib/__init__.py", line 90, in import_module
return _bootstrap._gcd_import(name[level:], package, level)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
File "", line 1387, in _gcd_import
File "", line 1360, in _find_and_load
File "", line 1310, in _find_and_load_unlocked
File "", line 488, in _call_with_frames_removed
File "", line 1387, in _gcd_import
File "", line 1360, in _find_and_load
File "", line 1331, in _find_and_load_unlocked
File "", line 935, in _load_unlocked
File "", line 995, in exec_module
File "", line 488, in _call_with_frames_removed
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/nose/__init__.py", line 1, in
from nose.core import collector, main, run, run_exit, runmodule
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/nose/core.py", line 12, in
from nose.loader import defaultTestLoader
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/nose/loader.py", line 21, in
from nose.importer import Importer, add_path, remove_path
File "/Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/3.12/lib/python3.12/site-packages/nose/importer.py", line 12, in
from imp import find_module, load_module, acquire_lock, release_lock
ModuleNotFoundError: No module named 'imp'
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws source install/setup.zsh
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws rosdep check --all
All system dependencies have been satisfied
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws python3 -m pip install setuptools
Requirement already satisfied: setuptools in /opt/anaconda3/envs/ros_env/lib/python3.9/site-packages (69.5.1)
(ros_env) ➜ ros2_ws
```
Edit:
Adding what I found online:
https://github.com/colcon/colcon-core/issues/584
https://www.reddit.com/ROS/comments/17casm6/colcon_build_error_on_python_packages/
https://robotics.stackexchange.com/questions/104054/building-example-library-of-ros-2
https://get-help.theconstruct.ai/t/malformed-launch-argument-start-wall-following-launch-py/24454

*Note: I am not a copyright lawyer, I'm not any kind of lawyer, nor am I making an accusation that anyone or any entity is infringing on the copyright or trademark of any other entities. That being said…
I have a theory that Wicked -- both Maguire's novel (Wicked: the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, 1995) and more so the musical (Wicked, 2003 Universal Stage Productions) -- solely functions as a prequel to the 1939 MGM film the Wizard of Oz (now owned by WB), and not that film's public domain source novel the Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum. Let me explain...
Maguire wrote Wicked in 1994 in response to the Gulf War. His clever use of Oz characters passed scrutiny during publication in 1995 under parody and fair use laws, and because the Baum novel had long been in the public domain… as well as Ted Turner arranging to sell the MGM catalog to WB, circa 1997, making the timing ideal for Maguire's novel to skirt any copyright/trademark scrutiny for using elements from the non-public domain film.
We know what happened next, the book was a raging success and soon it was popular enough to be optioned by Universal and turned into a stage musical produced (after film & TV productions with Demi Moore and Salma Hayek separately attached failed to materialize). The musical opened first in San Francisco for try-outs and then Broadway in 2003. And writers Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holzman liberally peppered even more direct homages and winks to the 1939 film into leitmotifs and other elements of the book, score, and staging.
But, Wicked has TOO many elements from the 1939 film, and NOT ENOUGH from Baum's original book, to merit it being called a prequel to the book (this is also true of Disney’s 2013 admitted attempt to cash-in on Wicked’s success, Oz: the Great and Powerful – which is even more egregious than Wicked, and ironic, as its own title is directly lifted from the 1939 film misquote of the book’s moniker of “Oz the Great and Terrible”).
---
So now, let's look at some of key differences between the book the Wonderful Wizard of Oz (WWoOZ) and its film adaption from 1939, and how Wicked (and that Disney rip-off - though I don’t want to have to keep mentioning that movie so just assume most of what I say applies there too) reinterprets these events and characters:
- In the book WWoOz it is established that there are four cardinal witches in the land of Oz. Dorothy vanquishes two unrelated Wicked Witches in the East (WWotE) and West (WWotW) as well as encountering the benevolent unnamed good witch of the North at the start of her adventure and a separate good witch, Glinda of the South, who helps her home in the end. MGM condensed the good witches into one character “Glinda the Good Witch of the North” as well as adding a subplot turning the Wicked Witches into sisters (providing Margaret Hamilton’s Witch more direct motivation to pursue Judy Garland’s Dorothy via the Witch’s presumed right to collateral inheritance of her sister’s shoes). Both Maguire and Disney follow the 1939 film’s continuity regarding these relationships making the wicked witches siblings, and Glinda the sole “good witch” in opposition to them.
-WWotW as depicted in Baum’s novel bears little to no resemblance to the green-skinned Margaret Hamilton in the 1939 film, and subsequently Maguire’s Elphaba. Oz illustrator W. W. Denslow, whom Baum worked closely with when designing the characters, depicts the witch as a hunched old hag with three pigtails and an eyepatch, tall brimmed hat, ruffed collar, coat and skirt. While MGM’s design team, led by legendary costumer Adrian, initially tested several looks for WWotW (including a glamorous sequined look inspired by Disney’s Evil Queen in Snow White). MGM screenwriter, Herman Mankiewicz (who expanded the role of the wicked witch from book to screenplay, and wrote several key lines for her including, “I’ll get you my pretty!”) insisted "witches should be ugly!" And Margaret Hamilton’s Witch was given green skin to broadcast her “wickedness” as well as make her face and hands stand-out against her black medieval gown, cloak and sharp brimmed hat. Needless to say this film only element of green-skin becomes a major plot point of Wicked. And Susan Hilferty’s stage designs for Elphaba retain the 1939 film’s silhouette and dark color palette.
-Another difference in Baum’s WWotW is that she only had one eye, but that it "was as powerful as a telescope", and this is how she spies on her enemies. MGM was again inspired by Snow White's Queen, and popular imagery of fortune tellers, giving Hamilton’s Witch the ability to scry in a large crystal ball, which made for some of the most memorable visuals of the film, of her looming eerily over the heroes. Unlike Baum’s WWotW, Maguire’s Elphaba retains vision in both eyes, and inherits her film counterpart's scrying abilities (primarily using a blown-glass orb).
-Baum’s WWotW importantly carries an umbrella, not a broomstick, as a source of protection for her aquaphobia. She has no need for transportation, her location is limited to her castle in the West of Oz. MGM’s script, howvever, gave Hamilton’s Witch a means of transportation that had long been popular in witch mythology, a broomstick, involving her more directly in the narrative (as well as giving the Wizard a macguffin to send Dorothy after). Maguire also chose to make a broomstick a means of travel for Elphaba, and Stephen Schwartz's “Defying Gravity”, the centerpiece of the musical, which sees a scene not included in the novel, where Elphaba defiantly flies over the Emerald City in protest of the Wizard, cemented the broom’s icon status within the framework of the Wicked franchise.
-The Flying Monkeys in Baum’s novel have a rich backstory involving their enslavement at the hands of a sorceress named Gaylette. The monkeys’ terms of imprisonment require they obey three commands given by whomever possess a Golden Cap, which the WWotW owns and uses to capture Dorothy and her friends. Dorothy comes into possession of the Golden Cap after WWotW’s demise (similar to her inheriting the slippers) and is able to command the monkeys to her own benefit later in the book. The Golden Cap subplot was scrapped from the MGM film in favor of giving the witch a more ambiguous command over her uniformed simian air force (though it still appears in the final cut as a prop tossed by Hamilton's Witch to Nikko, the flying monkey). Maguire’s Wicked makes no mention of Baum’s golden cap, giving Elphaba a monkey factotum, similar to MGM’s Nikko, now called Chistrey. The monkeys are given a vivisection backstory in Maguire's novel and are a result of the Grimmerie’s levitation spell in the musical, but Elphaba’s willful command of the their legions, without the limitations of the Golden Cap, is much more reminiscent of MGM’s Witch than Baum’s.
-Famously the slippers Dorothy inherits from the WWotE in Baum’s novel are made of silver metal (sterling silver shoes were popular as decorations and sugar bowls in Baum's day). The Slippers in the 1939 film were famously changed to ruby, so as to be more eye-catching against the technicolor yellow road. After some initial designs, MGM designer Adrian landed on the iconic red sequined pump seen in the film. Maguire’s novel, utilizing the film’s sibling backstory to motivate Elphaba, makes the famous pair of slippers into a sentimental pair of shoes adorned with beaded glass, in the musical referred to as "jeweled", which refract multiple colors, notably ruby red. Susan Hilferty’s choice of silver sequined pumps for the musical, given a red special lighting cue at a crucial moment, distinctly resemble Adrian’s 1939 design.
-Dorothy is a young child of roughly seven or eight years old in Baum’s novel and its illustrations. In Maguire’s take on the character she is depicted as a husky teenager prone to cloying musical outbursts. Teenage Judy Garland was famously derided at MGM for her weight, especially filming Oz, with Louis Mayor allegedly calling her his “little hunchback”.
-The Wizard appears as multiple facades in Baum’s novel; a giant head, ball of fire, glamorous woman, and monstrous beast. In the 1939 film the extent of his deception is the use of a giant head, similarly he only appears as a looming head in Wicked.
-But what I find most telling is that none of the witches in Baum’s novel directly interact with one another (later novels in the Oz series withstanding). The famous confrontation between the two witches in Munchkinland was entirely a fabrication of the 1939 film’s screenwriters. The musical’s entire premise, and a large portion of the novel’s, relies on the idea that these two opposing witches shared some past which informs their conflict in that scene, but that moment is solely a product of the 1939 film.
---
I think the way Maguire skirted copyright is incredibly clever and certainly well within fair-use (and probably long past any statute-of-limitations for any kind of damages sought by WB), but I find it wild that such a popular franchise as Wicked has basically used legal gray areas to bring a rainbow of color to Oz, all while claiming use of public domain versions of characters, and clearly mining the trademarked versions of those characters for most of their inspiration.
​
TL;DR Wicked does not function as a prequel to the book by L. Frank Baum, but only serves as a prequel to the 1939 film, starring Judy Garland. This is evident because the Witch in Baum's book isn't green, doesn't ride a broom, only has one eye, no sister, and never interacts with Glinda (who is an amalgamation of two separate characters).