We keep a hater poem

Poetry - spoken word, literature code, less is more

2008.03.15 19:41 Poetry - spoken word, literature code, less is more

A place for sharing published poetry. For sharing orignal content, please visit OCPoetry
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2013.01.23 22:05 Mug G

Like coffee mugs? Like weird coffee mugs? This is the place for you. Show us you best thrift store finds, your garage sale triumphs, and your old favorites.
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2009.10.23 18:00 richie_ny Off My Chest A Safe Community for Support

A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. We aim to keep this a safe space.
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2024.05.14 12:24 Obvious-Cost-7101 Other things to consider when buying or building your own PC. (For Beginners)

This guide is targeted for beginner builders without any tech background, especially the ones who are building Gaming PCs or Rendering Workstations.
Everytime I saw a beginner builder posting their draft builds, there are small but crucial things thats always being overlooked. I made this guide hoping that it will help newbies on building their own PCs. If you find some of the terms/ jargons too technical, just a quick google search will help you understand what it means.
  1. After you have all the essential parts listed on your build, your CPU, Mobo, RAMs, GPU. The last part that is sometimes overlooked or not really given the budget for is the PSU (Power Supply Unit). AMDs are more power hungry then Intel CPUs and NVIDIA GPUs, combining both AMD CPU and GPU will take more power rather than Intel and NVIDIA (although modern AMD CPU is on par with Intel in-terms on power consumption). Make sure you do your research on power consumption to provide the best PSU for your build. Just look for the Watts consumption of your CPU and GPU VS the Wattage your PSU can provide, also at least buy an 80+ Bronze rated PSU. Additionally installing AIO Coolers or liquid cooling on your build will add more power consumption, so move up to Silver or Gold rated PSUs. But it's to pricy? If you can buy AIO coolers you can buy a silver rated PSU.
  2. RAMs. a) This is a personal opinion so haters gonna hate. For me, buying a 1x16gb ram is better than 2x8gb if you are future proofing for an upgrade to 32gb ram, then it's easy to buy an additional 1x16gb rather than 2x8gb, also if you only have a mobo with 2 ram slots then you'll have to dispose your 2x8gb and buy 2x16gb. b) If you are planning to play 9th generation games, then 8gb is not enough even if the specifications says it is the minimum requirements. Yes it will run, but will it run smoothly? c) RAM clock speed, if you noticed rams have these numbers on their name; like 2666MHz, 3200Mhz, 3600MHz etc. The thing you should always remember is if you already have a 2666MHz ram you should buy your new one with the same clock speed, as your PC will use the lower MHz ram as based clock speed. Meaning your 3600MHz ram can't utilize its full potential if partnered with a lower MHz ram. d) Check your mobo's ram slot compatibility a ddr4 ram is not compatible with a mobo that houses ddr5 ram slot, vice versa.
  3. Cooling. a) Thermal pastes. Are you going to entrust your PHP10k CPU to a PHP25.00 thermal paste? I won't. Buy a decent thermal paste brand (Kryonaut, Thermal Grizzly, Arctic, Noctua are just examples of good thermal pastes) b) Stock CPU Fans are far more better than those "dUaL FaNs CPU cooler with paper thin heatsinks" (you know what I'm talking about). If you want to change your CPU fan, save money for a decent one. c) Case Fans. Don't get fooled with those pretty RGB colors. But IMO if you have an airconditioned room it will help a lot on cooling even you are using "budget meal" brands. d) AIO Coolers and Liquid Cooling. Unless you will be assisted by an experienced builder. I don't recommend installing this on your own, or at least do extensive research on installing one.
  4. CPU and Motherboard. a) Always buy this two at the same time and always check your mobo's CPU slot. Intel uses LGAxxx (LGA 1151, LGA 1700 etc.) slots and AMD uses AMx (AM4, AM5) slots. You can't use one on the other. b) Also check if you bought a pinned or pinless CPU, a pinless CPU is compatible with pinned mobos, vice versa.
  5. Warranty. Sometimes we overlook this as long as we can get a cheaper part buying online, but keep in mind the headache of return, replace and refund if you bought a broken part. If you have a choice to buy it on your local store I suggest you do or at least check your area if you have a service center of that part. If the only mean is buying online, buy it on trusted online stores, again a quick google search on the store will go a long way.
I know I will be downvoted with this statement, but building a "Gaming PC" is not cheap, you can't just use "budget meal" parts and say it work just fine as a 50k-70k PC (even with these price you can still call your build mediocre). I am not rich, it took me a year to build a decent enough gaming PC, if you can wait just save your money to buy decent parts. I don't hate budget meal parts, as it helps our friends build their own PC with budget restrictions, but let's be real quality comes with a price.
I hope you learned something with this guide and if you have more questions feel free to ask, just don't ask me to provide you a list of PC parts in regards with your budget. For those who have more experienced than me, if you have other things to add please do. Thanks.
submitted by Obvious-Cost-7101 to PHbuildapc [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:10 DenjiTheDepressed Well well well. How's everybody been? Break was kinda tame, idk, you tell me. Anyway, excited about the new chap? Got any predictions?

Well well well. How's everybody been? Break was kinda tame, idk, you tell me. Anyway, excited about the new chap? Got any predictions?
It's that time already? Huh...
Two weeks really went by without much notice (lmao).
I thought it might be nice to check in on people, see what's on everybody's minds. Just taking a queue from a certain CEO of War, the one with the ultimate luck... the one who reads.
I gotta say, sometimes things go from 0 to a 100 real quick on this sub, but this break week has been kinda tame, and it's not a bad pace.
Definitely been seeing a lot more creativity; more artwork and cosplays. To the panel coloring, panel redraws, OC art people, all the way to the edit makers - you GOATS know who you are 🗿🗿🗿 Keep the content coming, it's been like medication for my insanity, and I bet everybody appreciates it too.
Also, some sudden trends popped up. Whether or not they were controversial, some people say is a controversy in itself, apparently.
Had an uprising of Asaden hating, Yoshiden glazing, and a certain someone with a tight connection to Miss WardBird - but it all went away. The time had to come, for some it was bliss, for others a loss. Definitely some heavy stuff was implied, but the specifics are probably best discussed in private or DMs.
What's more, only a few hours left to go until we see where the Sushimoto plans to take us.
Honestly, I'm feeling hyped, but let's see... let's see.
What do you think is gonna be happening this time around? Will the No.1 Hater Katana get to eat some sushi the gang? Anyone expecting any major story developments or do you think we might get another episode of Mentally broken Dennis & F.R.E.N.D.S.? And what's going on with Nutella? The Council would certainly like to know.
Predicting the future isn't technically a spoiler, but you can use the spoiler feature in comments if you really wanna hide something you comment (check out Pic 4)
Curious to hear how everybuddy's two weeks have been and what you might think could happen next.
Anyways, Try not to hate or glaze too much, enjoy yourselves people,
Peace ✌
Sauce: Pic 1: Ken(tana) edit. Pic 2: Nutella from https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/112509243 added into edit. Pic 3: Just another Dennis edit. Pic 4: Using spoilers on reddit.
submitted by DenjiTheDepressed to Chainsawfolk [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 09:22 corvusaraneae State of the Subreddit - Belated May Edition

Hola, putas!
Your garden variety motherator here just keeping you guys updated with the latest... albeit like two weeks into May. Whoops. Soooo let's get to the news!
Number 1: We've reached 300 hoes! I was actually waiting for us to hit this before posting the new state of the subreddit! A good number. When I took over, we were at what, 254 or something? So welcome, new citizens of moth nation! Be sure to read the rules in the sidebar and if anything goes wrong, lmk.
Number 2: We have our first community project!
Spearheaded by u/ok_argument3248, we're doing a slideshow on why Val deserves to be loved. I'm not saying to weaponize our affection but... it's a little something for the community.
Discord server is https://discord.gg/Ex4cEXuF here so join if you're interested or have anything to contribute about why we stan a problematic mothman.
Number 3: Doesn't need to be said I think but in light of recent things, no matter how much of a bad rap Valentino gets outside this subreddit, I expect people not to stoop to the haters' level. If anyone gets harassed for liking Val, just block and ignore. Ken (the person who posted the "Normalize having Valentino as a comfort character" post on twitter) said they were getting absolute bullshit in their DMs afterward so it's still hard out there for a hoe.
And that's it for me this month! Keep on keeping on, Valentinhoes!
submitted by corvusaraneae to ValentinoCult [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 08:00 MLModBot Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)
Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.
Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.
If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.
submitted by MLModBot to MensLib [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 06:40 Ok_Charge_3905 My (20M) Older Brother has severe ADHD, I need to vent

here is a poem i wrote (the love thing is still something i haven’t figured out fully)
‘brother’
i am so young, innocent he has tainted that
i do not love him for the does not respect me it is black and white
my home becomes a house when he inhabits my room is stripped away from me as the wall we share keeps me from peace, from serenity
i was just 7, what did i do to deserve that abuse? i was just 7
i was just newly 17 a forced “happy birthday” by the hands of my mother, a week too late a “happy birthday” void of any warmth or care a chore to get done with i do not love him
of course i understand that there are many things he does that are out of his control/not his fault. i just need to get my feelings out as whenever i tell my mom about how he makes me feel she plays the ‘his brain is different than ours” card and moves along like nothing happened. (Also this poem barely scratches the surface)
submitted by Ok_Charge_3905 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 03:40 crossivejoker The Bears Are Wrong

I honestly wanted to rant from the perspective of a developer and as someone whose been in the crypto field for quite some time, as to why I honestly can't see KDA not going to the moon. First of all, those who're into KDA for a quick moon, you're at the wrong place. Look at Cardano and how literally nobody knew about it until the last bull run where it arguably took center stage within the course of 12 months. From zero to hero in no time.
But, I've seen many coins like Cardano come and go. Not here to poo poo other coins, but if you've been in the game long enough, you know what I mean. "Oh it's an Ethereum killer" they all say. And then Ethereum still continues to dominate the playing field. There's legitimately hundreds of coins that're many times better than Bitcoin, but we still love and use Bitcoin.
Ethereum and Bitcoin have lots of adoption already. I'd argue that being better than Bitcoin for example isn't good enough because it's perfect at what it intends to do. But as for Ethereum, you have to be astronomically better to be a true ETH killer. People who argue that Cardano is astronomically better don't understand what astronomically better looks like.
But I actually encourage those who have not done this. To do some research on ETH, Cardano, and every other blockchain with the goal of being a platform. And I want you to actually do the math of what would occur if they gained true world adoption.
There is not a single blockchain in the entire world other than KDA that can truly handle the scale and adoption of the world. Think about that. KDA is the only blockchain that can do what it does.
For various reasons, I won't attach the project to this account, but I'm creating a monster decentralized project on Kuro. Why? Because Kuro is the only decentralized platform that can do what I want. The fact Kuro even exists with KDA is honestly amazing.
It's not even the fact that the Pact language is quite solid, but it's about the fact that while everyone is squabbling about how to build the better network closet. KDA is over here creating a revolution like AWS. And as AWS started to take off, the whole world began to take notice of this technological revolution as cloud computing became a central part of the entire tech industry.
I absolutely could be wrong. I am no trader. I'm not here to talk about the fundamentals or TA. But I've made quite a lot of money in crypto over the years. I'm no millionaire haha. I wish, but crypto has been my method to get a nice down payment on a home, build wealth, and achieve much of my dreams. But I've always gravitated towards projects based on the fundamentals of the technology. Both theoretical and practically.
KDA still has more infrastructure to develop, but they've been on a really solid track. Industry changing technology isn't built over night. They're not trying to release the newest Uber app, they're trying to be the next AWS.
This was my really long rant and justification why I've been sinking money every month into KDA for years now. Do I think it's going to kill ETH? Not over night. But, I truly think that KDA is a sleeping giant. And I keep seeing posts about the lack of hype. The bull run hasn't even started gentlemen. I'm a seasoned developer and I've been in crypto just long enough to have multiple bear markets under my belt.
KDA will not pump right now. Especially when BTC rises. Normally you see alt coins pump after a BTC pump slows down. But, KDA has become my 2nd largest holding in my portfolio right behind BTC. I really struggle to envision a future without KDA. I struggle to understand how other blockchains can compete.
KDA haters be damned, I'm all in. Know that beta max tapes lost to VHS, and everyone thought Yahoo would succeed over Google. The market is crazy, invest at your own risk obviously, and don't trust a random guy on reddit. But I like the coin.
submitted by crossivejoker to kadena [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:26 Bails147 Some counterpoints for Kenzie for fun since shes everyones consensus pick

I would like to preface this with the fact that i DO think Kenzie is winning. Before yall come for me! Bc i realise any opinion thats not backing up Kenzie winning or supports anyone else winning is “bad edgic” according to yall. But anyways
I wanna explore more of Kenzies flaws and red flags! Just because we only see constant posts about how she is obviously the winner etc etc.
More OTT mean girl vibes than Dee imo in the premerge with Bhanu Jess and Jelinsky. Sloppy obvious social game seen by Q and Tiff (showcased in a neg light by the edit as they highlight them all seeing thru her and it makes her a target). Also even Bhanu sorta gives low-key NSPV - but Bhanu is all over the place i get it. And he does crown her the mermaid dragon of the season.
What are yall talking about? Montage with dodo music and clowns her (literally not needed to be included at all. The edit goes out of its way to dunk on her)
“One of you cant win, you will not get the votes at the end” in jeffs speech. When he says these words it pans on to kenzie. I saw someone spin this as to alluding to her winning.. but like if u watch that scene IMO its actually showing why kenzie wont win and get votes at the end and will lose to a siga member. As siga gets pans of gelling. If she wins i think this was more of a throw us off the scent thing rather than tryin to hint she WINS.
Yanu and their consistant theme of being Losers + tiffany in ep 2. “We are LOSERS” with an immediate pan to kenzie struggle to make a fire
Kenzie saying she needs to blindside tiff for her resume - then NOT getting to do that and losing credit.
Kenzie saying she wants Q out and hes still there
Kenzie saying Venus is my new number 1 and that the boys (ben and charlie) dont wanna boot Q bc they may become bigger targets, but she doesnt wanna boot venus bc thatd apply to her- then proceeds to boot Venus despite the edit suggesting shed vote Q.
Kenzie talking about how Charlie is Marias jester and underestimating him (whilst the edit explicitly backs up and tells us that Charlie is NOT marias jester, in fact the edit highlights all season how if anything Charlie is equals or making the decisions, and also the edit props up charlie and goes out of its way to highlights how he isnt her jester and that he is intentional in his gameplay and wants maria to get sole credit so shes a target etc etc. ). Whether thats good or bad for charlie is another story, but its still not great for Kenzie to be shown to be so wrong on her read of charlies game and its a theme she has in multiple different eps. She is plain wrong and the edit doesnt hide that fact. In fact it has her being wrong directly after we see scenes contradicting her statements. So the viewer is thinking shes getting played.
Kenzie getting DODO music whilst talking about how poor Venus is at idol searching (a scene coming directly after V finds the idol and says shes pretending to look- therefore highlighting her fooling/outplaying Kenzie) - people say kenzie is redeemed by saying “i guess she may have already found the idol and is bamboozling us all”. - but she contradicts that save immediately by saying “but i think shes just waiting for someone whos close to her to find it”. So she is definitely being bamboozled.
Kenzie also doesnt really have her relationships with Hunter established we are just told shes apparently his number 1 last minute.
The big 6 alliance- we hear kenzie find out about it from Q (she doesnt comment on it) she says “yeh i heard about the 6” implying she found out already about it, yet we still got no mention on the 6 and how she felt about it and being left out, if she was concerned or not about it, etc etc
 Charlie we did hear talk about it and accurately immediately call it out for what it was. And yes he was sorta being inducted but it was clearly over by the time that happened really.
Kenzie has no backstory package, not even 1 single outside of the game photo (shes the ONLY player left (in thef10 even) not to and this is despite having had chances already to put it in too) - the emotional blue eye scene, her opening confessional , any time she mentioned her career, her ben panic attack scene. - Charlie and Q had photos. Liz maria and Ben all had full on backstorys. -
When compared to other woman winners - shes insanely overexposed in the edit.
When u look at her game- she actually hasnt gotten THAT much better of a resume or game than Ben or Liz. Its worse than Q Charlie and Maria on paper (outside of pure social) And shes missed the chance for a big move and instead lost numbers in 3 consecutive tribals. Kenzie herself has stated that you need to make a big move - which she keeps failing to do alike jake owen. She wanted Q but begrudgingly accepted Hunter vote, she wanted Q but got blindsided and it was Tiff, she wanted Maria-> then Q but begrudgingly voted Venus. All 3 were numbers that were loyal to her, and she didnt really want out but got them out, having no agency 3 straight votes. And wasnt in the 6 which was the main storyline for the early merge votes.
She has a eerily similar to Jake Owen and Carolyn edit when u really think about it - who all got underdog themes.
also Kenzie is plain wrong a lot
 i just rewatched ep 3 and found yet another time shes straight up wrong.. when Bhanu gets back to camp after the journey, he lies to Yanu and says “i chose the white rock” - this is then immediately followed by a confessional of Kenzie falling for his lie saying “of course in typical yanu fashion he gets nothing (correct ik) which works for us because we didnt want him to have anything, he drew the white rock (false, kenzie has fallen for the lie) he doesnt have anything, great for the plan but it is also just hilarious that once again yanu loses another thing (okay sorta correct) and gives something else to the other tribes (false and wrong again). This is yet another really small thing but damn these sorts of wrong things are really adding up. Why gove kenzie that confessional? Contrast that with Tiff basically saying the more on point thing of “the real tea is what did he give up, bc i know damn sure he was over there spilling the tea” and she doesnt have anything falling for his Lie, And then Q doesn't comment on it in confessional, but has a scene where he questions Bhanu if he got the white rock and Bhanu reveals no he didnt and indeed he lost his vote. It again put right after we show bhanu not getting the white rock and the other tribes not getting anything - so even though logically kenzie is just narrating from what she knows, and technically yanu person did lose out, shes still completely wrong about what happened and as a viewer ur inclined to think “thats not what happened” as shes talking. Just this actually has happened quite a lot.
I sound like a Kenzie hater. but end of the day i can still see all of Kenzies upside and Charlies downside and marias danger. I know that a lot of these flaws can be possibly justified or overlooked with all the good stuff - but they still are possible red flags and theres quite a few of them still.. so i think its still worth noting and keeping in mind. Since everyone is constantly pointing out the smaller red flags for a Charlie and a Maria. Just food for thought. Bc if anyone thinks kenzie could be set up for a FTC loss they get roasted on here. I personally do lean towards her winning ftc but the set up is there for both.
I think she takes out Q at least bc the setup for both her (threat mermaid dragon etc) and Charlie (i need to get Q out, Q needs to go asap) has been made. Plus Maria slipped in Q for one more vote, Ben and Liz both have setup for wanting Q gone. Its gotta happen soon! But its entirely possible thats what the mermaid dragon and shes a dangerous threat story arc was leading to.. her being part of tiffany and Q going (her idea the tiff blindside, her making moves on Q). Rather than her necessarily winning.
Ill also point out for those who believe that Charlie wasnt as relevent early on and that he has a poor social game - i just rewatched ep 1-5, skipping thru the nami tribe scenes and challenges and unimportant confessionals (BHANU drama) and BOY do Charlie and Kenzie both get sooo much attention. We hear from both so much. Its kinda clear that kenzie is the main Yanu (sorry Q) and Charlie is the main siga (sorry maria and Ben). But charlie gets so many social related scenes which highlight his social bonds and has the edit backing it up with positive SPV about him from other players. Jeff always talks to charlie and the camera pans are always panning to both Charlie and Kenzie throughout the premerge. Just a little fun thing i noticed.
submitted by Bails147 to Edgic [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:00 Ok-Contribution5830 norah is my least favorite character

not to be a hater but norah reminds me of that friend in high school who made her long term relationship her entire personality and when she told her man about guns in ginny’s house and he was like “ i know they’re so scary😣” annoyed me because that’s not his business, also i do not like guns at all but i feel that she overreacted its not like the gun was chillin on the dining room table it was just the mention that ginny’s single mother keeps one somewhere like was it that serious

..would also like to mention that i think i’d be more drawn to liking her character if she had a more developed storyline. if there was more of an explanation about why she was so horrified about the guns or if we knew more about her life and background, i’d find her more likeable. i’m hoping she does get a bigger storyline in the coming seasons
submitted by Ok-Contribution5830 to ginnyandgeorgiashow [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 00:47 Affectionate-Lab-270 My boyfriend (M24) is not financially stable and I (F20) don’t know if I should break up with him. He’s not independent in many ways. I feel like I deserve better and I should’ve left him a long time ago. What is your opinion?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. We met online and we’re in a long-distance relationship. I’ve had such wonderful times with him and I love him. But lately, as we’re becoming more serious, I’ve been noticing things about him that bother me. I feel like I don’t really have a normal boyfriend and I feel like I deserve better. I suddenly catch myself wondering if this is really going to work out and if I won’t be happier with someone else. I’ve really loved him so much, he was everything to me. I was always bursting with love for him. I feel quite numb lately, because there are so many things about him that I’m starting to notice now, and they’re starting to bother me. I feel resentment towards him.
First of all, he is a bit overweight and I’ve been waiting two years for him to lose weight. It stayed the same in the first year even though he promised me he would lose the weight for me. We dated for nine months online before meeting and he only told me he was overweight two months before we were going to meet up. I didn’t know, because the only pictures of him online were of when he was slim. He is starting to lose weight now, but it’s going quite slowly and I feel like I need to push him and help him all the time.
Second of all, he’s not financially stable. He’s a freelance writer but he doesn’t earn any money. He lives with his parents which is not ideal but wouldn’t bother me so much if he was actually employed and earning money. When we ‘works’ it’s just him writing stories and poems for himself. He does receive £500 a month because he once tried to commit suicide when he was 17, but that will end soon and still, it’s not enough. He also dropped out of college because of that so he doesn’t have a degree either. I told him that I would like him to get a job because we want to get married early and it’s important that he has a steady income before we do. He asked me if I could look for jobs for him, which was fine by me, I don’t mind helping. He looked a little aswell and asked around in some libraries but he’s not really doing anything about it now. He’s not actively searching. It really comes from me. He’s setting up his writing website now but even that takes so long. I don’t feel much motivation or ambition from him.
Third, he doesn’t have his driver’s licence and he doesn’t have a car. I was the one who really spurred him on to get lessons. He’s had two lessons from his dad in two months. He’s not really doing much for it. If he really cared he would make sure to get at least one lesson a week.
I feel like there are so many things that lack in him. I really love him, but I feel like I constantly have to see things through my fingers. I’m constantly waiting for him to do and achieve the things that I want him to do. I feel anxious and stressed. I’m starting to feel like I don’t have a future with him. I can’t see us living together in a nice house with children. I can’t see him being a father. It’s all just a dream. It’s not normal that I should make my boyfriend get a job and work and get his licence. He’s turning 25 this year, these are things he should already have and that he should be doing on his own, I shouldn’t have to tell him. I stayed because I really thought it would get better and maybe it is getting a little better, but it’s not enough. I don’t feel safe, I feel unstable. I feel like it’s just a game. I’m doing my part, I’m in college and saving as much money as I can. I feel like he’s not doing his part. And now I actually feel like I love and like him less because of all these things, because it makes me feel resentful and unnattracted to him. I keep imagining myself and a man who has a job and a house and is independent and even the thought of that makes me feel so relieved. I’m thinking of being with other people and it makes me feel guilty. I really don’t need much, I’m not asking for a huge income and a big house. And I’m also willing to work hard myself, but I can’t do it alone. Even if we just live in an apartment and don’t go on holidays that much, I don’t mind if I’m with the man I love. But this is not even at the minimum.
I’m all alone in bed now, he walked away angrily to sleep downstairs because I called him a manchild because he said he doesn’t want to come to my house during the six weeks we won’t see each other. It made me feel annoyed because even if he doesn’t like my house or my parents and is afraid of flying, would it really be worth not seeing me for so long? I feel so sad and hopeless. I just want a man. I’m done with this. I’m going home tommorow and maybe I should just break it off now, although his parents booked a holiday for us all in Cornwall in June. Please help me. I’ve always been willing to fight for him and wait for him and make sacrifices for him. I’ve been cutting down my own needs for him, but my patience and hope is running out now.
submitted by Affectionate-Lab-270 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:35 professorchaosishere Prompting and reduce O/P time

Hello everyone,
We have a small in-house app based on LLMs. 30-50 users at a time click on analyse which will call the LLM api and create various sentiment analysis of the user data which they have written. It can be anything from a novel to a poem or an essay.
Each user has a max limit of 5000 token. I have few problems to solve: 1. To reduce the analyse time and creating output - what approach to take? 2. Which LLM to use? Currently using chatgpt APIs but they have token limit which isn't helping. Recently shifted to Perplexity 3. Each output upon clicking analyse has 10 questions the LLM is expected to answer, I understand Perplexity doesn't do a good job of taking context from first question and applying in second. And have to keep the questions very simple and direct. How to reduce time to output when all click together? 4. How to reduce repeatedness in output? Or any inputs on this. Thank you.
Any place where I can read more about this?
Thank you
submitted by professorchaosishere to ChatGPTPro [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:33 professorchaosishere Prompting and reduce response time

Hello everyone,
We have a small in-house app based on LLMs. 30-50 users at a time click on analyse which will call the LLM api and create various sentiment analysis of the user data which they have written. It can be anything from a novel to a poem or an essay.
Each user has a max limit of 5000 token. I have few problems to solve: 1. To reduce the analyse time and creating output - what approach to take? 2. Which LLM to use? Currently using chatgpt APIs but they have token limit which isn't helping. Recently shifted to Perplexity 3. Each output upon clicking analyse has 10 questions the LLM is expected to answer, I understand Perplexity doesn't do a good job of taking context from first question and applying in second. And have to keep the questions very simple and direct. 4. How to reduce repeatedness in output? Or any inputs on this. Thank you.
Any place where I can read more about this?
Thank you
submitted by professorchaosishere to perplexity_ai [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:07 Betty-Adams Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching
https://preview.redd.it/iz9fs2j8390d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2d65cef0923a5976fbb19bc61a9fda3a5548b47

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.
https://i.redd.it/fm1fy76e390d1.gif

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

Google Play Books (ebook and Audiobook)

Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!
submitted by Betty-Adams to humansarespaceorcs [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:07 Betty-Adams Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching
https://preview.redd.it/430dn0fa390d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8a749df9d2520424786bee70f0fbaab5006c5913

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.
https://i.redd.it/a6z7gwsc390d1.gif

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

Google Play Books (ebook and Audiobook)

Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!
submitted by Betty-Adams to u/Betty-Adams [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:06 Betty-Adams Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

Google Play Books (ebook and Audiobook)

Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!
submitted by Betty-Adams to stories [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:05 Betty-Adams Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

https://preview.redd.it/292890cl190d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=80452218955753005afd72dfd6f5c56b3cf0c658

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.
https://i.redd.it/gdoknun0390d1.gif

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

Google Play Books (ebook and Audiobook)

Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!
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2024.05.13 22:04 Betty-Adams [Humans are Weird] - Part 187 - Storm Watching - Short, Absurd, Science Fiction Stories

[Humans are Weird] - Part 187 - Storm Watching - Short, Absurd, Science Fiction Stories
https://preview.redd.it/sseb3o7p190d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=41f9688c2ecdfa32b73ed6338ae415a0a58921f3

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

Google Play Books (ebook and Audiobook)

Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!
submitted by Betty-Adams to redditserials [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 21:57 gnomes4hire Plato & Friends, Female Rage: The Musical, and 3
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Plato & Friends, Female Rage: The Musical, and 3
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This brain dump was inspired by a really, really excellent post by u/doctor-gigibanana dissecting the casual Aristotle name drop in SHS and the concept of mimesis. It got me reminiscing about the Greek homies, and what Taylor might be exploring broadly as an artist through this lens, but especially and specifically during the Eras TTPD set.
Go check out that awesome post and, while you do, keep the other side of this coin in mind: diegesis.
In a nutshell, while mimesis shows you the nature of a thing to help you understand its truth (versus telling you all about it), diegesis is all about narrative. And that’s all I have to say about that.
https://preview.redd.it/o94rlnz9p80d1.jpg?width=373&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca223add341475f3dc3a8edda439272968631b70
OK! So let’s talk about truth as told by Plato, Aristotle's philosophy daddy. If you’re not familiar with his Forms theory, it’s pretty much his belief that the physical world is lies. Just straight up bullshit. He argues you can only find truth in the nature or essence of something, before it’s been filtered through someone’s perception of reality. That includes your own, so don't get too comfy, understand?
To illustrate his point, Plato uses the metaphor of three beds.
3....2....1?
Please hang on for dear life while I try to summarize this without confusing myself:
Think of a bed. In your mind, you know the Form, or the truth, of a bed. You know its nature, its essence. And that’s where we’ll start: The “truth” of the bed is its nature, which can only be formed by the creator.
As the carpenter begins to build a bed, she can only imitate its Form, or truth. It’s her perception of what a bed should be, once removed from the truth of it. (Side note, this would be called the Platonic bed – our perception of the ideal Form. I know it’s cuz Plato but I giggled.)
When the carpenter is done building, her bed is an imitation of her perception of the bed’s Form, making the final product twice removed from the truth.
When the artist paints a bed, her work is based on the carpenter’s imitation of the bed. The artist’s bed is an imitation of an imitation of the bed’s Form. She is thrice removed from the truth.
The poet can be (and is) used in place of the artist in this exercise:
“
Then you call him who is third in descent from nature [the artist] an imitator? 
 Then the tragic poet is an imitator, and therefore, like all other imitators, he is thrice removed from the king and from the truth?”
The Fortnight bed makes an appearance at the Eras tour, rocking and spinning and shifting, lifting Taylor up and down, obscuring and revealing the TTPD logo. Complete with a typewriter to spin up a tale when the mood strikes.
To hear Plato tell it in this context, truth-telling should be left to the philosophers (the carpenters) because poets are some filthy liars.
Why does Plato have such beef with art? Well, reading books wasn’t really a thing back then. Who has the time between all the orgies and foot races? Folks were more likely to learn about concepts and events through an orator (reciting poems) or a theatrical performance. In both cases, the truth is filtered through the experiences of the performers. It’s art, but it’s artifice. Appearance. You can't trust it.
I mean we're back to debating \"is it this color or that color\" on Beyonce's internet in 2024.
Interestingly, he also uses the image of turning a mirror round and round and round, reflecting the earth, sun, plants, animals, yourself—you see images of these things, but they are appearances only. Not the truth. Just something totally random and unrelated to think about

Anyway, Plato seems to argue there’s no way to portray the truth of a thing through performance or poetry, because the actors’ own truths would taint the essence of that thing. As a result, the audience is being persuaded to see a certain way, not by truth, but by rhetoric.
Except

.when he also took the exact opposite position. In a separate text, Ion, Plato’s characterization of the poet is a little more generous. He argues that poetry is the result of divine madness, likening the creation of it to the way a prophet would let God speak truths through them.
Taylor Alison Clara Cassandra Bow Swift getting cozy in the asylum.
Admittedly, Plato’s take on poetry from this angle is less robust and a wee bit hole-y, but it’s a great bridge to our good buddy Aristotle.
u/doctor-gigibanana 's post did a great job of explaining the function of mimesis in art, and why it’s so effective and needed. It helps us connect with art, relate it to our own personal experiences. It has to be just close enough to the truth to be recognizable, but not too close to home to scare us off. And Taylor has used it to great effect for her entire career.
Every relationship hard launch pap walk, hidden messages in liner notes, overt visual and even lyrical references to possible muses in music videos, and now the absolute ham-fisted spectacle that is the SHS performance, complete with choreo re-enacting scenes from some of the most public moments of her life in recent memory. All of it spins a tale the public can’t get enough of.
Except now, more explicitly than ever, she’s giving us the artifice alongside her diegesis, most effectively distilled down into roughly 25 minutes of performance art that will never NOT be known as Female Rage: The Musical.
Quick! Look over there. Taylor sings in one direction through much of this performance, while her dancers perform their recreation of life from the WAG box in the opposite direction. The mimesis is mimesising.
The entire set is layered with smoke and mirrors (literally), misdirection, bits and pieces of the 4th wall as it explodes in our faces, a shark jumping 10 monster trucks, moments of terror, tragedy, comedy...a show within a show within a show, with a literal mirror held up to our drooling faces as she sings about how We (the collective) have fucked her up real good. What does it mean?? We dunno! MORE! MORE! MORE!
She's the creator, the carpenter, and the poet. Each of them layer in their own version of the truth, mixing narratives, derailing others, blending stories we've heard a thousand times before. We're all familiar with the myth of Taylor Swift, the folklore surrounding the music we've been assured is the whole truth--according to who? The poet? The carpenter? The creator? Three...two...one...
I have no idea what the big vision is, if there even is one, from Taylor's perspective. Sometimes I wonder if the fandom, especially Gaylors, are a bit too generous with the connections we attribute to the Chairman. Maybe things really do just sound good on paper and it's not that deep.
But those stories she's been telling us through multiple eras of her career? They seem to be taking new Forms this time around.
Credit to @aimsly for this image and their post on Taylor's reference to this TRECHEROUS exercise!
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2024.05.13 21:25 greeneyedgarden This week's Heidi's Lane recap. She really has so much figured out, guys, and she's here to teach you how to be your best self. Her ego is on full display with this one. Enjoy the ride!

This week's Heidi's Lane recap. She really has so much figured out, guys, and she's here to teach you how to be your best self. Her ego is on full display with this one. Enjoy the ride!
Heidi’s Lane Podcast. Episode 30, Part II. “My Surrender Formula: Practical Tips For Letting Go Of Control”
(OP Notes: Credit where credit is due. Instead of her usual “vague talk;'' in this episode Heidi actually gives some real life examples to make her points. Now, get your post-its ready, she's shilling quote after quote in this one, and you won’t want to miss a moment of her life-changing content. This episode really highlights her delusions of grandeur. Remember when she proudly proclaimed that she ”wasn’t here to teach us, but to love us, and through her love we will be taught?” That era is apparently over. She truly thinks her teachings are changing lives. She “humbly” comes across as having all the secrets to a fulfilled life, while admitting that her content is “just as much for me as it is for you.” BUT ALSO, just like Dave and Rach, she is “teaching” from a place she has no expertise in, and not enough experience in. Let’s just say, her confidence on this topic of “surrender” comes through loud and clear, and by the end of this episode, she wants you to be as enlightened as she is. One more thing, today she blames her panic attacks on her control issues. Heidi, your delusion is showing. Oh, and YES, just like in every episode, she mentions Dave, Chris, her panic attacks, and her challenges.)
Parentheses are OP thoughts
Her camera isn’t working, so there’s no video of this pod on Youtube. But she’s decided to “let go of control” and “surrender to it.” “This episode will be exactly what it needs to be.”
Quote from the book “The Surrender Experiment.” “Do whatever is put in front of you with all your heart and soul, without regard for personal results. Do the work as though it were given to you by the universe, because it was.” And then she reads it to us one more time, with more emphatic and dramatic pauses.
Do you try to control your kids, or your spouse, or your parking, or the government? When we try to control them, what we’re saying is that we are God, or we are the universe.
Think about your past relationships. Was it a perfect fit? A good fit? Or a terrible fit? Were we so hell bent on having that person want us, we were chasing unavailable love? I’ve done that more times than I want to admit. I was chasing the unavailable. I loved someone who didn’t love me the way I wanted them to. I would try to not have the relationship fall apart. If they could only see how great life would be with me. The more I controlled, the more out of control the situation was. I truly said to God, “Please help this person love me the way that I love them. Please help my kids to see it the way I see it.” They’re not going to.
We can’t control what people say about us. I don’t know if this is too much, but I’m going to say it. It was hard for Dave to hear the words that the haters were saying. The bullies. The cyberbullies. For someone to sit and listen and then spend their days attacking people they don’t even know. There’s no life there. They have no life. I have empathy and compassion for them, for their sadness they must experience on a daily basis. I would never do that. I couldn’t do that. It’s not in my DNA. I have too much good in my life, but it was hard for Dave to understand the haters' sadness and misery. They did so much harm to his soul. They hurt him. He would often read what they said. They made fun of his nostrils, or the way he would say something, or something he did in one of my stories. He would then react and try to control it, trying to make them like him. He would shift. He tried to control these people who do not matter. The situation controlled him. For a while I did the same thing, and then I got to the point of saying, “What in the hell am I doing? Why am I letting these people tell me who I am?” I know there are more people out there who appreciate me, those are my people. We can all relate to that.
We’ve all had haters. We try to control it. Surrendering is a result of a particular action, the action of letting go. When we don’t, we are saying we are God, we are the universe. Our job is not to control the flow of the universe.
Years ago, when I was married to Chris, my mom gave me a card that said, “What would you do without me? You would die without me.” It was a joke. I was a control freak. I am less now, I’m trying to do better. All of us control freaks think that if we step back it will all fall apart. What happens if I can’t control what Boy M does after high school? Or girl M?
My employees are laughing right now, because it’s true. When Dave and I were doing the challenges, I was so busy. I’m not sure if Dave was, I mean I’m sure he was busy, too. I was a control freak. I had a wonderful, large army of people helping me achieve my goals. We had challenges, and education courses, and in-person events. We had to show up. We built an app. We had supplements. I was so busy and my level of control freakism was on another level. This was true from 2021 until Dave died. I would do team calls in the morning and afternoon. They were 2 hour calls, sometimes 2 and a half hour calls every morning and afternoon. I couldn’t let my team work without me controlling them. It caused my anxiety attacks. Clearly this behavior affected my body physiologically. I couldn't get out of bed. I stayed in a dark room for a week. I was at a point that I didn’t care if it all fell apart. A phone call would cause another panic attack. What’s interesting is that in my week away, my team thrived. I was a wrench in everyone’s spokes. I learned that week that my job was to lead. I’ve grown so much over the last 2 years. When Dave died I stepped away for a month. I learned that when we step back the world is not going to fall apart.
Nature is a rhythm. We can’t control the universe. Our job is to ride the wave. When you go to the beach, watch the surfers. They don’t control the waves, they read them and watch them, they wait, and then they paddle paddle paddle and catch the wave. They embrace the flow. It’s the art of surrender. A quote from Untethered Soul, “Go outside on a clear night and just look up into the sky. You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Though you can only see a few thousand stars, there are hundreds of billions of stars in our Milky Way Galaxy alone. It’s estimated there are over a trillion stars in the galaxy. You’re just standing on one little ball of dirt and spinning around one of the stars. From that perspective, do you really care what people think about your clothes or your car? Do you need to feel embarrassed if you forget someone's name? If you want a decent life, don’t devote your life to avoiding psychological pain. What kind of life is that?”
Do you feel that? Avoiding pain means it’s always right behind you. When we are controlling we are trying to avoid pain. Are you starting to see? This is reality. We are a blip in the universe. We need to find the flow, to relax, stop trying to drive, to manipulate, and to work. I’m passionate and emotional about this. Now that you have all the feels, you have perspective. I want to make sure you learn what I’m sharing and apply it. (Is this Heidi trying to control her listeners?)
You probably finish this episode and think you’ve got this. In 6 months you’re going to think back and realize what I really meant. Now I get it. I totally get it now. I want you to be grounded and confident that what you’ve learned here will unfold exactly how it should unfold for you. I want to send you off with 3 ideas. How, how, how, how. How do we make it better? Remember that you are the main character in your own life. Write this down. (again, with the control) You are the main character in your life. We spend too much time doubting ourselves. I know I do. Remember you’re the main character in your life.(yes, she really says it 3x) At 2 years old you were told to stay in line, be quiet, watch your words, don't make anyone uncomfortable. We were trained to make people happy. We think we need to be good to get loved. We must expand our best parts. (That explains her booty workouts) I want this moment to be a hard reset moment in your life. (STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME, HEIDI!) You can now begin to engage in a different way, beginning today. Don’t watch from the sidelines. Show up for your life. Imagine a movie of your life. As the title credits go by and it fades, everything that happened before that fades away. After that moment, you decide who to become. The movie is about you and your development as a person.
Now, let’s recap. You are the main character in your own life. (That 4x now) No longer will you do what other people want you to do. No longer is it about who you need to be to make someone happy. That was before. Now it’s about what makes you happy. (I thought this was about surrendering?) What will create the best life for you? What will help you achieve your highest self? You are the main character of your own life. (FIVE TIMES!!!)
You are worthy. I’m going to say it again. You are worthy. Carl Jung once said, “I am not what has happened to me.” Oooooo, actually, he said, “I am what I choose to become.” I might have this quote wrong. “I'm not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
We’ve covered a lot of new ideas in the last 2 episodes and you probably have a lot of new things you want to do and implement into your life. Don’t forget, you’re worthy. Your past doesn’t define you. You are a beautiful soul. You’re right where you are supposed to be. You are a divine creature. Like you, I’m just figuring things out like everybody else. You are worthy. Do you understand me? I’m saying this to you and to myself. You are worthy of love. Being you is enough. You are worthy. Now, write this on a post-it, I made a tshirt out of it. “The universe has your address.” There’s a great quote, “Most things are out of our control.” It’s not your job to make waves, it’s to ride the waves. Don’t try to tell other surfers how to ride their waves (Literally what she’s doing) Ride your own waves.
You’re probably super optimistic and excited and empowered after listening to me today. You’re feeling all the feels. I am, too. Part of you is also like, holy crap, how do I remember all of this? When I’m inspired, I have mixed feelings. I’m downloading a lot of things that will change my life. You have mixed feelings. You’re optimistic and you’re hearing me, and you’re like, I can do something about it. You listen to me and you get great tools. My guests give you great tools. How do you remember them all? How do you go back to daily life after being inspired? (She thinks she’s so inspiring to me that I can’t even function after listening to her?) I’m a humongous believer that you are going to get from each interaction with me exactly what you are meant to get. This is where faith and trust come in. Trust that the universe has your address. God is there for you. He’ll help you get out of this what you’re meant to get out of it. Stop resisting. Not everything’s a fight. Where are you resisting? Are you resisting giving that love to that person? Carl Jung said, “What we resist persists.” Paulo Coelho said, “When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize her dream.” I want you to hear that again. “When you really desire something, all of the universe conspires to help her realize her dream.” The more you control, you’re getting in the way of God helping you make your dreams a reality. Get 3 post-it notes and put these things on your mirror. I have a long way to go, guys. I do. I have a lot of things I need to stop trying to control. It's increasingly harder (Shouldn’t her tips here make it easier?) What my kids are going to be after they leave my house is a real struggle for me. I experienced as a kid myself a parent who loved me so much they controlled everything I did. It was control over me in an effort to love me. To make sure I didn’t fall. That way of helping is like going to the gym and someone says, “Lets build you up to lifting a 400 lb bench press.” That person is my spotter. If they keep lifting half of my load, so I don’t get hurt, then I think I can lift 400 lbs. So when I go to the gym to lift 400 lbs without a spotter, the barbell crushes us. I’m struggling to let go with my kids to do things on their own. It’s not my job to always pick them up. It’s not my job to create waves for my kids, but to love them on whichever waves they choose to ride. My job is to let go and trust that the universe and God have my address. I didn’t get where I am today without my struggles. I’m proud of who I am.
My invitation to you is to go through your week and watch for how the universe will line up to make things happen for you. Be prepared to be amazed at how much peace and joy you feel. You can only control you. Let me say that again, You can only control you. You can’t control the situation. Remember my 3 ideas: 1. You are the main character in your story (SIX TIMES!!!!!) 2. You are worthy. 3. The universe and God have your address.
Next week she’ll have a really great guest for us.
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2024.05.13 21:20 SE7V7N IRAVINTE THOZHI (pt-1)

OKAY OKAY new day new story also atp I'd like to call this the not so lucky chronicles of nvm too big of an intro already soo here goes the story ehm ehm
12th was over and I was doing neet entrance preps (repeat) so basically wasting an year jus cause I couldn't face my ex [whole another story]
Apo angne irunn kure avumbo I meet this girl from kasargod and start talking away and she was like proper "bro" material like angottum ingottum ookal and it went ahead very smoothly.
Until AADUJEEVITHAM happened like I was watching the movie and was bored to death so I started texting her and somewhere around the interval she said "ente ponn vazhee...." istg my brain stopped braining for a second like maybe it's the way she said it or maybe it was me having hallucinations like najeeb did but everything changed after that
We started flirting and suddenly the cringe and corny lines felt like poems....angne kure naaal poi until one day I was like "she is too adipoli like what If some other idiot figures that out" and I asked her if I could ask her out....Apo she said "ask me neritt"
That wouldn't have been a problem if she was actually near but apolekum classes were over and she was back home and since her favourite movie was thattathin marayathu I collected all the vinod-ism in me and booked a train ticket to kasargod
And when I reached there I called her to let her know I'm there but she said she was out with her fam so I'd have to wait like 3 hrs before I go to her place soo I watched VARSHANGALKU SHESHAM and ohhh did I fall for "Madhoo pakaroo" and the line struck a string in my heart ayoooo😭
Angne full romance pidich I went to her place at like 10 pm (after the movie was over) and otw I had the dumb idea to ask a random naatukaran [evdeya etta ee ______ sthalam] and he was like "Nee eth naatina entha ivde" me being the idiot I was said "njn thrissurna friendine kaanan vanatha" [when she asked me not to talk to the people there]
Pinne onum parayanda njn avde RSS ayi when infact i didn't even know what it meant 😭
Random naatukaran : nee RSS aleda Me : ala etta njn CBSE ayrnuđŸ„č (In full confidence) [my name being of a Hindu deity and the place I was from in thrissur didn't help support my case]
Angne I was taken to the police station out of suspicion enitu since they didn't have proof and my only known associate was her...avlde uppa had to come to get me out and the problem was he was proper orthodox conservative dad and he didn't even know I existed....soo that didn't go well at all and my parents were called to take me back home.
Out of all the people that heard my story only one policeman was kind enough to understand the kind of idiot I was for coming all this way just to ask her to be my gf but he said "ninak vidichadh anel ninak kitum"
Long story short her dad shipped her to thodupuzha and since then no contact. Last I heard they were planning to get her married off soon after a year
And the way back home I was legit crying to this song not cause I put myself or my parents through this but cause "I COULDNT SEE HER" like she was my iravinte thozhi
And like I never got into a train or ever went to kasargod kannur or kozhikode after that thanks to the police also telling me "jeevanode kitiyath bagyam"
And then till now vere onilekum poi chaadila Like I keep waiting for call ipo varum naale varum kinda thing
Angne my friends seeing me be like this took me to idukki with em we had a blast and while coming back home we had board a train from aluva to thrissur (relatively short ride)
And since we were late we had to get into a sleeper and then walk our way to general but the doors to the general were closed (the ones connecting sleeper and general) so we had to stay back with some passengers
And this lady with a kid starts talking to me and she introduces me to her daughter who was also doing neet and they were going to kozhikode and this girl jus keeps talking to me like she knew me for decades and when we finally stopped (we ran out of casual questions to ask) I put on my headphones and madhoo pakaroo starts playing
She hears it and says it her favourite song (ik ik ithu matte padam ale moment njnum atha vijariche) so I give her a piece and we listen to it apolekum my stop arrives and she gets off too get to the general compartment with her fam and before going I look at her thinking [instagram ID choikano?] And for a moment it felt like she was waiting for me too pakshe I jus turned over and walked away
With a lot of sadness but while wearing a smile and I get out to the bus stand and start crying like without even thinking where I am and my friends come and hug me and I tell em "ipo njn okay ayada" [like they were convincing me to move on from the issue and her after the kasargod incident and be like "nee okay avada ithu vidd"]
Whoever she was acted as this closure I never got from the KSG girl and also ended my ptsd with the song the place and the train
I wouldn't ever understand why I never took a chance to ask her name but ig that's how things are sometimes...I was at the right place at the right time
I guess maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn't have maybe there's a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again - [I read this somewhere]
And maybe I'll grow to regret not asking her all this but for a moment she said everything she had to say with her eyes and like someone said "the eyes chico they never lie" and if she didn't mean anything by that look
Maybe the way my eyes interpreted it was the point of difference hence my eyes were the one speaking the truth of my heart
Lesham cringe anenu ariyam pakshe angerr paranjapole premam enum painkilli aan 😌đŸ„č
[Shubam]
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2024.05.13 19:52 WDKilpackIII Kilpack Launches Dystopian Military Sci-Fi Trilogy with Battle Calm

Kilpack Launches Dystopian Military Sci-Fi Trilogy with Battle Calm
W.D. Kilpack III, a native of West Jordan, Uta., had his sixth novel, Battle Calm, published on Amazon.com. This is the first book in a trilogy called the Battle Calm Cycle, set in a dystopian future. It is Kilpack's first hardcover release, but is also available in eBook and on Kindle Unlimited.
https://preview.redd.it/uypg3kt5f80d1.jpg?width=807&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6106b31b716bafc8414bf53a110d47d85e30e61c
Battle Calm centers around Badger, a Keeper, who is the greatest soldier alive. He knows to never celebrate victories, no matter how hard-won, because the enemy never stops. When Badger succeeded his father, Red Skin, as Keeper Base Leader, he was well prepared, raised to handle anything the enemy threw at him. He was the best killer, and the most respected tactician. He knew Red Skin’s Laws like he wrote them himself. Most importantly, he was always calm, no matter how frenzied the combat. These were only some of the reasons why he still had all his original parts. His two closest friends are Trinity, who would die for him, and Korry, who would follow him without question. They are all Keepers. They fight, they kill, they live to kill another day, even when it means bugging out to another Base ... and another. That is life when life is war. They know nothing else. But even war cannot last forever, regardless of the infallible truth of Red Skin’s Law #35: “Under conditions of peace, men attack themselves; thus, there never has been, and there never will be a time without war. It is the greatest, most perfect thing men can do.”
Kilpack said, "I wrote the very earliest drafts of these books when I was 14. Don't worry, they've been revised many, many times since then. I'm very happy with the state they're in now. The military aspect is much more authentic in a lot of ways, despite being a fictional branch of the military. Research and Q&A with some veterans went into restructuring that aspect of the story both through direct feedback and pointing me to the right places to dig and find out for myself."
Kilpack is an award-winning and critically acclaimed internationally published writer, with works appearing in print, online, radio and television, starting with his first publication credit at the age of nine, when he wrote an award-winning poem. He has since won 23 book awards, including The International Firebird Book Award, The BookFest Award, International Impact Book Award, both Editor's Choice and Top Pick from BooksShelf and Honorable Mention from L. Ron Hubbard's Writers of the Future Contest for his novella, Pale Face, which was recently optioned for development for a Hollywood movie. He has been editor and/or publisher of 19 news and literary publications, both online and in print, with circulations as high as 770,000.
He received both his bachelor's and master's degrees from Westminster University. As an undergrad, he double-majored in communication and philosophy, while completing the Honors Program. As a graduate student, he earned a master of professional communication with a writing emphasis. He was also a high-performing athlete, qualifying for international competition in Greco-Roman wrestling.
For 25 years, he was a communication professor and a nationally recognized wrestling coach. He is an accomplished cook and has cooked nearly every type of food on a grill. He is happily married to his high-school sweetheart and is father to five children, as well as helping to raise five step-children. He was born in Salt Lake City, Utah, where he continues to live, consult and educate. For more information www.Kilpack.net
Praise for Pale Face
Pale Face is "pretty darned good. I like it. I love how [Hector] sees the aliens and the white men in the same light. A nice, brutal, ironic twist ... this is good stuff." — Dave Wolverton, international best-selling author
Praise for Crown Prince: Book One of New Blood
"Author W.D. Kilpack III presents an atmospheric and immersive journey into a richly crafted fantasy world, balancing a strong character-led adventure with a wider web of plots, setting up a highly complex and enjoyable fantasy saga to follow. There’s a clear flair for character, dialogue, and attitude from the start, with Natharr's intense presence affecting all who encounter him and making for some really dynamic clashes. The weightiness of his responsibilities and the depth of the world-building immediately gripped my attention and, as the story unfolded, the way the characters’ attitudes and actions were shaped by the realism of the worldbuilding was totally compelling. This book delivers on every promise of pulse-pounding adventure — thanks to the swift pacing of the plot, coupled with dark storytelling, strong descriptive skills, and captivating character development that balances emotion with duty well. Overall, I would certainly recommend Crown Prince as an incredible opener to an exciting new fantasy series, and I’m all the more eager to continue exploring this fantastical realm." — USA Today best-selling author K.C. Finn
Praise for Order of Light: Book Two of New Blood
"W. D. Kilpack III's Crown Prince captivated me. His vivid descriptions plunged me into a kaleidoscope of sights, sounds, and emotions. I devoured the first book in the New Blood Saga, desperate to see where the tale would lead. So, it was with bated breath that I cracked open Order of Light, the series' second instalment. Kilpack doesn't disappoint. The themes that resonated in Crown Prince deepen and twist in Order of Light. He has a way of making words just flow vividly on the page. On page 106 of my Australian paperback version, a revelation about Natharr, the Guardian of Maarihk, floored me! His journey of self-discovery weaves flawlessly with the Crown Prince's own remarkable growth. New fantastical creatures emerge from Kilpack's boundless imagination. The Quiet One and Bu, meticulously detailed in all their wonder, are testament to his storytelling prowess. But fear not, I won't spoil the magic! Suffice it to say, fans of epic fantasy, your search is over. Kilpack is your new literary lord. From exhilarating battle sequences to poignant moments of reflection, Order of Light is a masterpiece. If I could, I’d give it a six! Both it and Crown Prince deserve a place on your bookshelf. Trust me, you won't regret immersing yourself in Kilpack's world." — Jose F. Nodar, author of Books, Pens & Larceny (South Wales, Australia)
Praise for Demon Seed: Book Three of New Blood
"Demon Seed is the thrilling and fast-paced third book in the New Blood Saga ... Kilpack does not disappoint! Demon Seed is a shocking and brilliant tale that will reintroduce readers to characters we have come to love/be invested in. In this third book, the stakes are as high as ever and the story the reader is taken on will enthrall, captivate and excite its readers ... Kilpack from the beginning hooks his readers and keeps them enchanted to the very end. I have to recommend Demon Seed to readers that love epic fantasy! Demon Seed is one that is full of shocks, thrills, and twists and turns galore that will keep you on edge from beginning to end. [It] is an incredibly suspenseful novel and this is thanks to the wonderful author, whose work I love ... [Demon Seed] did not let me down, this saga has not lost its momentum or uniqueness. Kilpack is an exceptional author [who] knows how to flawlessly transport his readers into the story ... the descriptions are phenomenal ... Demon Seed is a magnificent and entertaining book that will easily entertain its readers for many hours! That is why I of course have to award this incredible book five stars!" — RedHeadedBookLover.com
Praise for Rilari: Book Four of New Blood
"Embark on a captivating journey with W.D. Kilpack III's Rilari: Book Four of New Blood, a tale that expertly weaves tension, mystery, and awe-inspiring heroism. Kilpack's world-building skillfully combines politics, magic, and ancient lore, creating a rich tapestry for readers to explore. The characters, especially Natharr and the Knights of Ril, are well-developed, and the dynamic between Nathan and his summoned companion adds depth and heart to the story. Kilpack successfully incorporates profound themes of resilience and unity into the gripping plot, leaving readers emotionally connected. Riliari is a triumph, offering an enthralling adventure filled with courage and the enduring spirit of humanity." — BooksShelf.com

author #authorlife #authorscommunity #bookaddict #bookworms #dystopian #fiction #FSFWritersAlliance #indieauthor #newbloodsaga #newrelease #kilpack #militaryscifi #postapocalyptic #readers #readersareleaders #readersgonnaread #scifi #sciencefiction #WritingCommunity #ian1 #writerslift

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2024.05.13 19:44 Invinciberry Thread vs. Zigbee in 2024

I am moving out of my current place in 2 weeks and planning my new smart home. Over the past month of packing/de-smarting my current place, I've made some easy calls already, which I will list below. But I am still not set on the Thread vs. Zigbee part, which I will get to later.
I started the smart home journey 10 years ago at my current place, and with the help of Home Assistant, my place became a bowl of spaghetti in terms of smart home stuff. Don't get me wrong; things primarily work fine. But diagnosing a fault can take hours of me digging into automation scripts and remembering how things worked in the past. As we were packing, a few things came to mind.
  1. No more Shellys and Sonoff minis (behind switch relays) unless I can't avoid them.
    • They are challenging to reset if anything goes wrong because they are behind the box.
    • They are challenging to sell to a home buyer and hard to transfer to the new owner.
  2. Limit the amount of WIFI devices.
    • Even though I have a reasonably robust Wifi solution, always having 100+ 2.4ghz wifi smart devices online is not fun.
    • They were a pain when I switched my network setup and forgot to back up/restore my static IP reservations.
  3. Limit the amount of battery-powered devices.
    • i.e. Zigbee sensors
  4. Don't go cheap because it is cheap. Spending a bit more on reliability seems to be a better deal.
So far I've already made a few decisions for the new place:
  1. All wall-mounted switches will be Lutron Caseta.
    • I hate going this route, as I was one of the Lutron haters back in the day when I could flash ESPhome onto a Martin Jerry switch for 1/4 the cost.
    • But I would much rather leave my switch in place the next time we move and transfer it to the new owner. (I am not sure when we will sell our new place, but it might happen sooner rather than later).
  2. All windows and doors will have wired sensors.
    • I have the builder pre-wire all windows and doors for LV cables; I will install some reed switches and have a centralized esp32 talking to Home Assistant.
  3. Keep our existing ZWave devices.
    • They never gave me headaches in the past 10 years and I am planning to use my zwave smart deadbolt which worked exceptionally well until I or it die.
    • I also have a handful of those GE motion zwave lights switched, which were amazing, mainly because the built-in sensor is excellent.
Where I am struggling is Zigbee vs. Thread.
  1. I currently have 0 thread devices, but I also don't want to buy more Zigbee devices if I don't have to.
  2. I have a few Zigbee devices (2 Hue bulbs, some Ikea switches and a few aqua ZigBee sensors (vibration, light, water) which I can reuse but don't have to.
  3. I will no longer have many line-powered Zigbee devices for the mesh (due to switching to Lutron, I have many Zigbee bulbs and fixtures currently, which I am not planning to continue to use).
  4. I should be able to find replacements for all those sensors.
I could run exclusively ZWave + Lutron, but I am currently looking at my options for curtain drivers (by Zemismart and Aqara). Unfortunately, they only have Zigbee and thread versions, not Zwave.
TLDR: I am simplifying my smart home and have to choose between Zigbee and Thread due to certain drivers. Help.
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2024.05.13 19:44 A_movable_life Uncle with 2 months or so to live attempted to guilt trip me into resuming contact

When I found this forum about a month ago I was reading the back posts and weeping the whole time.
Background:
I have processed this in therapy, made my peace, and have empathy for the situations that made her who she is.
I don't want to cause her harm, and fortunately I am really bad at relationships, and do not have children. Because it would be very painful if she had grandchildren that she has no access to. My sister and BIL can't have kids. (Details omitted for TW)
I work in the MH field, I'm an Nurse Practitioner. I worked as part of a DBT team. I am not DBT trained or certified but I got really good at boundaries, and sensing manipulation, without having an emotional response.
Before I went NC I would directly and clearly set limits. I stopped her when she would try to split my Sister and I, or gossip about her. There were several times every visit where I would stop her, and explain how I would not engage, did not want to hear, or set a reasonable expectation. Her reply a few times was "Don't analyze me."
Which is amusing because after the last estrangement, I asked her to go to therapy.... never happened.

Current Situation:
My Mother visited my Uncle who is dying of cancer and has by his estimation about 2 months to live.
My Mother sent me a text that I should visit him that she was down there and he does not have much time to live. I forgot I hadn't blocked her number on the new phone.
I have been NC for 9 years other then sending her a 9th Step (AA) letter. I intend to be NC for the rest of her life or mine whichever ends first.
I asked if she was present in the room. She left the morning of him calling me. I said I appreciated him not doing "One of those Ophra type interventions" as it's usually destructive.
I asked about visiting. Everyone has been invited down but me. He says he would like a visit.
He wants me "As a personal favor" to reconcile with her. I should mention he's a retired corporate attorney. Yes it's not amateur hour on either side of the phone. He said she was "Distraught that I would not talk with her."
I said let's address the second item, as you may not want me to visit depending on how I answer.
I would prefer having this conversation in person and to not have this conversation on a 2 sided Cell phone call either.
I said "no."
He pushed back and said this was not normal. I explained how it's more common then you would think both from people I know and also from being in clinical practice for almost 20 years.
He said "I can hear it in your voice that you want to reconcile." (Defining my feelings) I said I am speaking to you in the same tone I use with my patients.
I said that I will not be interacting with her for the rest of our lives. That this was a carefully made and considered decision.
I said we can discuss my reasons if you would like.
He said that was not his concern that it was between my Mother and I.
My mind formulates, "So no matter what happened, there is no reason that would cause you to find estrangement acceptable." Secondly you are implicating that I am being unreasonable, or worse yet cruel.
This goes in circles.
He bounces off a few boundaries, answer stays the same.

I figure I am going to let him know some of the situation. Because he's dying and I don't want him to think I am just being unreasonable and stubborn.
I then explain a little of how our childhood was. The abuse that my mother and I got. I also said I suspect my sister getting other abuse. Left that one hanging out there... Remember this is what I do for a living so that should have significant weight.
The things I did that I regret, and have made amends, as well as going to therapy, stopped drinking, worked the steps, and so forth.
I mentioned my sister goes to Trauma therapy, partially because of me.
Which also puts out there "Has your Sister ever had any therapy for all the stuff she has been through?"

He says "I can hear you are angry at your mother.." (defining feelings again) "
"Help me understand why do you feel that way."
"Based on what you said (above)" I said back, I am not angry at her. I have accepted and made my peace with this situation. I only listed my part in it, and what I have done to become a better person."
Which floats the unsaid question "What is her part in this?"

I said the offer is on the table to talk about this, or not talk about it. That is up to him. If you do want to have this conversation then it needs to be scheduled so I can have my notes.
The offer of a visit is "We shall see, and depends on how I am doing, check back in a week." I know the answer already. I also explained if I visit I will be getting a hotel room and a rental car, and that it's probably better if we do 2-3 hour visits so I don't tire him out.
The unsaid part is I want to be able to leave if I need to immediately, I want to be able to go to daily AA meetings, I want my own space process this coming loss. I
wrote a poem about this situation and read it in at my AA homegroup (The meeting you go to most and help keep it going.) I haven't written a poem since HS writing class. I've been weepy about the whole situation on and off.

I have a letter penned to my cousins, who I am in contact with explaining that he is a father figure in my life, that this is a very painful situation for me anticipating his passing, and that I apologize for not attending major life events in their lives and their children's lives because of this estrangement. That I won't be attending his service because it's the place for my Mother to mourn her last living sibling.


Conclusion:
  1. That firstly he feels that there is nothing that would justify estrangement.
  2. That my Mother probably said she has no insight into why I estranged her.
  3. Based on #2 I am guessing that she has had no therapy. A good therapist would turn that around and use certain questions to help her develop insight.
  4. That he feels I am angry and I want to reconcile.
  5. Defining my feelings is a huge red flag for me.
  6. I bet he didn't expect me to be calm, collected and give a rational and consistent dialogue.
  7. Having to hear about his Sister's home life probably hurts. The fact that he probably had no clue until my father passed, he has a lot of guilt.
  8. He's formally trained and skilled in negotiation tactics.
  9. He's dying so he has a huge ability to guilt me.
  10. I gave him the option to understand, that I would visit if asked, that I would limit exposure, and that we did not have to address this, or we can look at photos and tell stories, etc. What is not on the table is reconciliation with my Mother.










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