For context, I 25 (F) has been friends with this girl from work Abbie 26 (F). Actually, we've become friends over a fateful situation which is for another story. However, after that we bonded so much due to our similarity and yearning for company over problems we commonly share.
During our bonding times, we commonly take 4-5 hrs just talking about life across topics of almost everything. We also converse at work most of the time making work more okay than tedious.
However, I sometimes hate her comments which feels mean but I do let it slide because I too, feel that I'm also that kind sometimes.
The icky feeling though started when she would interrupt conversations which she is not part of and seemingly argue or compete with me. I know I have always been competitive myself and I do hate being wronged. But as a person at this age I am learning to outgrow that attitude as I feel that it is not helping me attain my goals in life.
She would kept on insinuating her point until I would give up or if I try to fight for my "two cents" she would dismissed and call me being too much or laugh at my face. If I would still push it she would ignore me and get back to work which is a bit bs.
My eyebrows started arching just last week. Well, Abbie is not fond with the idea of children especially taking care of kids that isn't blood related and she have always told us that she can only love a child when it is hers. I do respect her perspective on that however I view motherhood completely different. For me, as long as you feel and act as a mother it's fine- not my life to meddle, though. So with this, I have commented that we should have bought our manager a cake since she is considered the "teams mother". Abbie laughed at my comment, saying how can I say that as our manager does not even have a child. I reasoned out that our manager is considered the "teams mother" and we are sometimes labeled as motherless when she is on leave.
She laughed as if I was stupid enough to consider the idea and told me drop if off. I was honestly pissed feeling belittled and discarded.
At the height of my emotions I just rolled my eyes at her and replied "whatever". However, I value our friendship and let it go.
Well, not until today. One of our friends from work was having some issues and sharing it with us (not my story to tell though). But, it was too messy and I have provided my two cents informing my friend that she might just be a victim of the whole scenario. I have also advised her to choose her peace of mind and don't mind all the bs.
After this, Abbie pm-ed me not to be too invested of our friend's problem and that I know that our friend thinks the other way. I was utterly confused with her message.
First, I was not forcing any ideology, I was actually trying to calm the girl out. Second, my theory was merely a what if situation and still not clashing my friends point of view of the situation.
I just felt that Abbie is really lacking of comprehension (as per my observation) and I hate her for discarding my opinion. So, AITA for hating my friend for not understanding me?

Hello everyone! Very long post ahead…It’s been 3 months since last D-Day. We’ve had multiple D-Days over the span of 8 years ive lost count how many. Why so many? Because the first 7 years he would confess to things but it would be soo watered down I never truly realized he was a Sex addict as well as a PA. The full 8 years he would mix it up between frequenting massage parlors, bringing call girls to his hotel on work trips, visiting strip clubs and paying for lap dances, and eventually the latest- finding phone prostitutes to chat with and develop an “emotional bond” as well as phone sex. I almost left him but he begged for a last chance and it’s been three months since last D-Day, and he’s finally been putting work into recovery- he has admitted how bad the situation is, admitted he’s an addict, and started going to weekly SA group meetings, and weekly CSAT therapist. This time, I can see actual change because he initiates conversations and constant check in’s as well as daily evening check ins. He has become way less irritable and annoyed in all areas, and more patient and helpful and loving. He has willing put heavy restrictions on his phone and accountability apps, as well as removed Instagram, telegram, Snapchat. He has been very conscious and proactive about how he spends his time- he has developed new habits like absolutely no phone in bathroom/on toilet/in shower. He doesn’t pick up his phone first thing in the morning and has made a “morning routine” of ice bath plunge as well as meditation and prayer, and Bible reading. He is finally fully present with our family and wants to do things as a family, and initiates family bonding activities. He’s stopped chasing his bosses, coworkers, friends, and his parents approval, and focuses on his inner balance. I’ve seen an immense change in him like I’ve never seen before as a person and as a recovering addict. He is doing everything right. However….
I’ve been extremely supportive and loving and his shoulder during this whole time. But now I’m terrified because I’ve been having unexplained rage episodes. We can have a small misunderstanding and it will just throw me into a fit of extreme rage, where I will throw whatever objects are near me, or try to hurt myself for example I slammed my hand shut in between a door on purpose. It’s just this overwhelming sense or hatred and anger just bursting in me and it seems it just burst right out of me. I have never ever in my life felt like this, I’ve always been a meek and kind and sweet person and taken pressure with stride. I see myself from the side after my fits of anger and I think… He really broke me this time didn’t he? I begged him to stop in his addiction and he didn’t, until I was finally broken. I am not the same person I was before, and I know all you partners of PA/SA can relay to this. I see the world now through an addicts eyes- every single woman is a threat, and every single man is not safe, and every child/teen/woman is either in threat of becoming a victim or is already a victim. I’ve also become more cold and cut off people whereas before I would believe in the good and people and was a warm accepting person. However my main concern is the intense fits of rage I feel. Has anyone else felt something similar? What helped or what did your therapist recommend? I’m scared and just feel soo broken 😞

As a fitness trainer for far too many years, I mostly roll my eyes at the next You-Have-To-Do-This-Amazing-Never-Thought-Of-Before-Life-Changing-Total-Body-Transforming-Workout-Routine-!. It usually will involve something radical, like a pushup, mixed with something insane, like a pull-up. I’ve come to believe there are two types of trainers in the world: The narcissist and the caregiver. My industry is saturated with dubious claims, fraudulent influencers, and a willful rejection of scientific evidence.
There is another side to my industry, one that is serious, thoughtful, and deeply curious about understanding how our bodies’ musculoskeletal system is essential to every other system. This curiosity is what drives us to ask questions like: how does moving this or that way affect our heart, lungs, gut, and brain? When is simply walking more beneficial than working out at high levels? And when is the opposite true?
We are beginning to understand why common sense things like walking may be better in the long term than running. But we still aren’t sure about the specifics of that. At what age? What defines “the long term?” For our purposes here, let’s accept that walking is good for us. And by that, I mean it helps improve the cardiovascular, pulmonary, digestive, and neurological systems. Not to mention the positive benefits to our muscles and joints.
Helping yourself to a good daily walk will do wonders for your capacity to care for others. Getting your patient to exercise in whatever way they can, for whatever time they are able will only benefit them. (Provided there are no restrictions from the doctor around exercise.) Don’t lose sight of the simple bits, like walking.

Thank you for the report and welcome back.
Sorry for the long one. Somethings have been piling up. I guess this is my welcome back gift. 🎁
In old business. There are still regular reports that posts are submitting and not actually posting on profile or subreddit. The iOS drafts issue where they don't save and can't be accessed, is still present. The algorithm has been as bad or worse than it has ever been. It is especially bad on the mobile apps.
New UI. There is a persistent problem for some when a person replies to a comment and blocks you, all of your comments disappear from your profile until you find and delete that replied to comment. If there were other comments in the same chain, those may need to be deleted as well. It also sometimes includes your overview disappearing. The same thing happens for some when they reply and then block someone. They then have to go and unblock them to get everything to appear. That issue has been quiet this week, so it may have been recently fixed. Right now I have 6 original broken or missing things since the beginning, 3 newer broken things and a list of 18 annoyances on the new UI currently.
The new UI does not show if a subreddit is restricted or private. It also does not show if it is NSFW. I have to switch back to new.reddit to confirm all three. And with the new.reddit going away later this year, I am concerned these will not be fixed in time.
Issues. Reddit's Filters are becoming a major issue. With having no confirmation of what it could be looking for, and no consistent behavior by the Filters, it makes it very difficult to help when these reports come in. Sometimes they seem like subreddit new user restrictions might be the issue or a Reddit new account restriction on posting. Other times, it looks like crowd control. Still more there is no discernable reason why it removed something. I have confirmed it acts as the spam filter also at times. Sometimes it removes all posts after a date. sometimes it is only posts from one subreddit.
This one is more for me, but may be helpful for others. When a user makes a post about their other account "not working", I open my profile and swap my name for theirs. The sh.reddit UI shows different and inconsistent things than the new.reddit UI. It also does give a crazy eyed snoo head when trying to look at new.reddit.
When Shadow Banned: new.reddit shows. Nobody Goes by that name. https://imgur.com/V1zdgcn. While sh.reddit shows suspended. https://imgur.com/a/XfotmLr . But it has also sometimes shows Nobody Goes by that name. https://imgur.com/a/ql2Ttgv
When Suspended: new.reddit shows Suspended. https://imgur.com/csPLq6J. While sh.reddit shows Nobody goes By that name. https://imgur.com/a/ql2Ttgv but recently it also gives the suspended image. https://imgur.com/a/XfotmLr
When Account is Deleted: new.reddit shows Deleted. https://imgur.com/a/Gfh024A. While sh.reddit shows Nobody goes by that name. https://imgur.com/a/ql2Ttgv.
Sometimes it is show as the account is suspended in the sh.reddit.com . https://imgur.com/a/XfotmLr . But when looking on new.reddit.com it shows Something Went Wrong. https://imgur.com/a/Eaes6Dq .
My big concern is that when new.reddit goes away later this year, I will not be able to give accurate advice anymore.
One thing indirectly help related that I have a question on is bugs . Now that everything we can't help fix is going to bugs, is there any information you can share on how it is going to work? In the past, bug report tickets typically took a month or more to get a human answer from redditsupport. Are employees going to be answering on the subreddit? Taking posts down and answering via PM? Is the expectation users will have to fix everything except platform wide issues, even though we can't? Is the timeline going to look the same? I have noticed posts getting removed from bugs, are they removing duplicates like the rules say that will do? How do the users of the removed duplicates get help?

Context. I am a Californian ex-foster kid. Orange county. I was put into the system at the age of 6. After my sister was born. And my dad left not long after that, since he was deported BACK to Mexico(illegal immigrant, no green card). I stayed in the system, till I was 16 and adopted by my now parents.
I learned that my maternal family made it impossible for my paternal, legally here, family to get any contact with me. I grew up thinking all my dad's family went back to Mexico with him, all deported as well. I was a kid, didn't question is can grew up "White", and to proud I was also half Scottish(grandma was mexican and native but we are, white. Not native or especially Mexican). Naturally, this never felt right because I wasn't like my maternal family and cousins who were more white then me. So to learn that was a shock. From my brother who thought it was the best choice. "I'd be too confusing to be both, ya know."
I know my Dad was not a good man. I know what he was doing, I have seen the court records. He was horrid. But so was my birth giverand in my opinionshe was worse for what she did to me and my siblings while just being pregnant(Meth babies, with no prenatal care, the 4 of us). He did at least try an give me attention when asked, and I have some fond memories of him. I don't remember what he ever said to me. He only spoke to me in Spanish
But I feel so ROBBED of a culture I never got to enjoy and truly experience. A whole heritage I can never teach my own babies. Books and movies and stories are....they aren't truly experiencing it. I remember my dad had been working in secret to teach me spanish, a language I was forbidden to speak after, then when asked why i didnt take in in high school ridiculed for. I could have been fluent from a young age. And it hurts. So, I want to find my dad. At least his family. I know, from my asshole brother, that they were threatened into backing down and out. I don't know if it went to court. But I want to find them. See how they are with my own eyes.
And the brother I have who told me about his experience, said all they did was complain and whine. To me, that is logical cause they were denied the basic right to see family. My maternal family STILL let my mom see me, even after Court told them to stop and took me away, proper. I was STILL allowed unsupervised contact with my maternal family, after that. I STILL was allowed to be watched over by drug users and achoholics. But never, did I see my dad's family after the age of 6. Whom I barely remember.
This would help me, so much. Find out about genetic issues, what things like were in Mexico. What it's like to BE MEXICAN.
In point. I don't even know what to start with. I know his name, that he was born in Mexico City, anf that's it. I know his last name is different then his siblings, because of a mistake on his birth certificate, and they added a letter. Thay is from a 1st cousin I met on 23and Me whom stoped contact. And I want to know, what free tools would help find them. Because I genuinely want to k ow them, since they are my family too. And I want my future children to know there grandfather's side too.

I’m not too sure if this is the right place to post this. Hell, I don’t know if anyone’s even gonna see it. I want to start this off by saying that this story isn’t to be taken lightly. I don’t want you to read this and try to copy what is done, instead take it as a warning. A warning to never play this game, a warning I wish I had gotten before I made that mistake.
I lived almost my entire life in the middle of Delaware, if you forgot that was a state I wouldn’t blame you. In my neighborhood there were 3 kids I always played with everyday. Kyle, Jimmy, and Seth. Our houses were close enough to each other that we played together whenever we had the chance.
We did all the typical things a couple 13 year old boys would do. Swimming in the local pool, going to the Walmart and buying nothing, or just hang in one of our basements and being jack-asses. It was almost a Disney-like childhood. Sleepovers were nothing new for us, I think we had one almost every weekend. What was new was not having any parents there to watch us.
Seth offered to host the next one and included that his parents were gonna be gone for the night. They were staying down at the beach and told Seth it would be fine for him to invite us over. Fine for him, not so much for the rest of us. I think me and the other guys pleaded and begged our parent’s multiple times to let us go.
Our parents knew each other and trusted us but the idea of 4 pre-pubescent boys being alone in a house was any parents worse nightmare. Somehow, by the grace of god, they agreed the night before. After all this time, I still wish they had denied us. Maybe things would have ended differently.
I wanna tell you about the events that happened that night that changed me into who I am. It changed my life and every families that was involved in it. This is the night I played Hide and Seek with my friends.
“Hide and Seek? Won’t that get boring with just 4 of us?” I asked suspiciously as I took a handful of Doritos from the bowl on the table. It was about 10:30pm when Kyle suggested we play a game so we could try and stay up later.
“Yeah man and besides, we have an Xbox.” Jimmy pointed out. Seth came walking down the basement with some sodas in hand, almost dropping the cans
“What are you guys talking about? You better not be thinking of touching my controller with your greasy hands Jimmy, not after last time.”
“It was an accident! I got you a new one.” Jimmy responded before chuckling a bit.
“No guys, I saw this on the internet a few nights ago. We have to try it.” Kyle said. He almost sounded like he was pleading with us.
Kyle was always the kind of kid to believe in spooky things. Ghost, werewolves, demons. You name it, Kyle probably believed it. I remember one time he somehow got us all to go in the woods with him during the winter to look for dog people that a YouTuber said was out near us. We all got the flu after that.
“Oh god, another one of these? Is it gonna be like that dog thing again?” Seth chimed in.
“It’s not like that, this one is real. I promise dude.” Kyle seemed genuine about it. I almost felt bad as the other guys called him stupid for it.
“Alright man, we try your game for a bit. Then if it’s a bust, we play Xbox.” I suggested. Kyles face lite up as he got some paper out of his bag.
“Who said you were in charge of deciding when to play my Xbox?” Seth questioned. I just shushed him as Kyle got some more stuff out of his bag. Candles, lighters, a knife. I would have hated to see what would happen if we said no to his idea.
“Alright, first. We gotta turn all the lights off. Not a single one can be on during the game.” We looked at each other before we went off to get the house started. I had been in Seth’s house almost as much as mine but there’s strangeness to it when the lights were all off. We got back to the basement where we found Kyle lighting the candles and placing them on the ground around the paper. As we sat around him I could see some words on the paper. “Ready or Not, here it comes”
“What’s that for?” I pointed as Kyle placed the last candle down.
“That’s to start the game. I saw these Indian guys play it and they said you have to start the game just like this or it doesn’t work.” Kyle answered as he slowly pulled the knife up and turned to face us.
“Now, we have to cut ourselves.”
“Like Sarah from home room?” Jimmy chuckled
“I thought that was a rumor?” Seth remarked as he leaned towards Jimmy
“Guys! Focus! Just a small prick on your finger. Then you put it on the paper.” Kyle demanded as he slowly pressed the knife tip into his finger
“This feels very, extreme. Is this safe to play?” I asked, seeing Kyle whence as blood slowly pooled on the top of his finger
“I think so, the guys seemed like they were having fun when they did it.” He held the knife towards me next, the guys watched as I reluctantly took the knife and plucked my finger. I did encourage us to play this for Kyle sake, I couldn’t chicken out now. The other two did the same, Jimmy had more tears then the rest of us but when he finished he handed the knife back to Kyle.
“Now?” Seth asked, rubbing his finger on his Pokémon pajama bottoms.
“Now, repeat after me.” We all listened to Kyle and repeated
“ 1, 2, 3. Ready or not, come find me.” We stared at each other. Silence filled the basement as our eyes kept darting to see if anything happened.
“Do you hear that?” Seth whispered We listened as the most quiet fart escaped him. He fell on his back and laughed. Jimmy joined him and so did I. We laughed and laughed, I looked to see if Kyle found it as amusing but was met with sadness. He looked almost heart broken, I knew he lived for these kinda things and for it to not work most have broken him. I moved to him and smiled
“Hey, at least we didn’t have to sit out in negative degrees to get results this time huh?” He smiled slight back
“Yeah I guess you’re right. I don’t know how those guys made it look so convincing.”
“CGI probably, my dad says that’s how most things are done like that.” Seth said as he got up to go turn the light back on. Before he hit the switch, a loud thud filled the room. I’ll never forget the look on his face as he rushed back to the floor where we were all sitting.
“W-what was that?” Jimmy whispered to me. I didn’t know what to say until Kyle reluctantly chimed in.
“It’s him, the seeker.” We sat still as another thud could be heard. Like it was right above us.
“What the fuck dude? S-Seth? Did you invite someone else over? Duncan or Josh maybe?” Jimmy was frantic with his questions as his eyes filled with tears.
“No, it’s him.” Kyle answered before Seth could respond.
“Who?” I asked
“The seeker. The person who plays the game with us.”
“Well tell him we don’t wanna play anymore.” Seth demanded, making sure to keep his voice down.
“We can’t, they said he plays until everyone is found.”
“What do you mean until we’re found?” I asked, I kept looking at the stairs. My brain was trying to wrap around what was happening while also trying to keep reason in it.
“It’s like hide and seek. We play until we’re all found or he can’t find us.” Kyle answered
“Ok, let’s go get found so the game can be over.” Seth tried to stand before Kyle pulled him down.
“No, we don’t wanna be found. Bad things happen if we’re found.” Kyle looked at the carpet as he said it. The thud got louder, almost like it was searching the house.
“Ok, ok. Then we should just stay down here right? If we hide down here it won’t find us….h-how long do we have to hide man?” I stuttered as I waited for Kyle to answer.
“I…I don’t know.”
We sat there in silence, thuds and crashes from upstairs made the silence somehow louder. I had wished it was all a prank. Seth and Jimmy loved pulling those and Kyle was usually the target for them. But I knew it wasn’t that, I knew this was real. I don’t know how it was but at that moment there was something upstairs, tearing the house apart trying to find us.
We stayed like that until Seth finally spoke “Let’s run.”
“What?” Kyle mumbled out, his face covered by his hands. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.
“Let’s run, the doors not to far from the basement entrance. We unlock it and run to a neighbors.” Seth looked for nods or any sign of agreement. Jimmy nodded and I slowly shook yes. I looked at Kyle, grabbing his leg and squeezing it.
“Come on man, we’re definitely faster than it. We’ll be out before it even sees us.” I smiled at him.
He looked up and slowly smiled, nodding. We all slowly moved to the base of the basement stairs. Looking down into a dark basement is scary, but looking up into a dark house is another whole kind of fear. I don’t know how long we took going up those steps but it felt like ages, we were slowly ascending into what could be our end. Seth held the doorknob and just stared at it. I knew he didn’t wanna be the one to open it, to potentially be the one to see what ever it was that was on the other side. I scooted around Jimmy and slowly turned to knob.
The door silently opened, the house was almost pitch dark. The only light we had was from the moon herself, shining into the windows and illuminating the destroyed house. He quietly but quickly moved towards the front door. I peered into the living room to see the chairs and couches turned upside down, some side table doors ripped off they hinges.
“Hurry up man.” Jimmy urged Seth on as he fumbled slightly with the deadbolt. I looked to see Kyle slight behind, close to the basement door. I moved over to get him ready to run
“Let’s go Kyle, we gotta get-“ I almost finished my words as I watched his face turn from scared to horrified. I turned slightly to see Jimmy on the floor crawling away from the door.
I’m not sure even after all this time how to describe what we saw that night. I had wished it was just a man. Some man that was in the house with us but it sadly wasn’t. The best I can try and give a description is to think of a Picasso painting. It had a crookedness to it. Its arm jagged and legs crumbled as it towered over Seth. Seth didn’t move, he didn’t try and fight. All he could do was stand there and look up to see its eyes peering down at him. It picked Seth up and like a rag doll threw him into the living room. A mean and disgusting noise came from his body as he hit the wall of the fireplace. I quickly got Jimmy to his feet and Kyle to snap out of his gaze. Me and Kyle ran to the bathroom as Jimmy made his to the kitchen. I locked the door as I tried to catch my own heart from jumping out my chest. “J-Jimmy? Where-“
My question was shortly answered as I heard Jimmy whimpering and crying outside the room. I unlocked the door and peaked out the crack. I watched “it” linger its way towards him and all I could hear was wet sounds. I quickly shut the door and relocked it. My mind didn’t really process what had just happened in what couldn’t have been more than 3 minutes. My two friends I had been with almost my entire life were gone, just like that. I sat on the cold tile floor as I listened to the thudding from outside. My breathing was dull as I looked to see Kyle shaking by the toilet. I slowly moved my self over and gave him a hug. I knew what he was thinking, I knew the horrible things he was saying to himself in his mind. I didn’t know how to tell him that what was happening wasn’t his fault. I’m not sure that even now I could find the words to tell him that.
“We’ll be fine, we just gotta stay here. It won’t find us.” I tried to reassure him.
“No, it will find us. We can’t stay here.”
“Kyle, Seth and Jimmy are dead. We can’t go back out there and run. I don’t know why we thought it would work.”
“No we…we…I need to get to the basement.” Kyle said, he looked up at me.
“Why? It’s a dead end there. It will-“
“Maybe, I can try and end the game. Rip the paper up…something, I don’t know.” I didn’t know what to say.
On one hand it was the only idea we had besides hiding and waiting to be found. On the other, I couldn’t bring myself to put that hope in his mind. To encourage him just to watch as it fails, He knew this as he came to his own conclusion.
“I’ll go down there, and you head for the coat closet. If it doesn’t work I’ll run back up and I’ll head there to hide with you. Ok?” He nodded to himself. I just stared at him as I nodded back slight. We stood up and slowly unlocked the door. It wasn’t anywhere we could see, which made it all more frightening. We slowly made our way to the basement door
“Good Luck” I whispered to him. He smiled and went our separate ways in the house. I quickly got in the coat closet that was almost directly in front of the basement door, and Kyle made his way down stairs.
That was the last I saw of Kyle, it wasn’t long after I heard loud thudding outside the closet door that quickly went down the stairs. All I could do was sit there, and listen as I heard the silent screams and the pounding of flesh over and over and over again. Soon the hits became more wet, and the screams became more silent.
I sat in the closet and accepted my fate. I slight covered myself with a fallen coat as I heard the thudding move around the house. It was only a matter of time before it got me, before it ripped the door open and I would be met with its horrifying figure. I looked out the slits of the closet door and saw the moon light shining through the windows.
I’m not sure when I fell asleep or even how I did. My body must have been so exhausted that it decided sleep was more important than survival. My eyes slowly opened to see daylight peering though the house. The night was gone and the day had come to save me. Although I was relieved I still forced my eyes shut. The small amount of what I saw was enough to make me do it. I saw the closet door was open, I didn’t wanna have them open as it might slowly peer from the corner and look at me. I didn’t want my last image to be that. I just kept them closed and covered my ears. And then I felt it. Thuds.
I could feel the thudding get closer, closer, closer. Two hands grabbed me, this was it. My flight or fight kicked in and I started to fight. Kicking, hitting, screaming. Anything I could think of I was doing.
“Calm down son, calm down. You’re safe.” Those words hit me like a wall, a calmness I hadn’t felt since the day before came over me. My eyes slowly opened to see the face of a young man kneeling in front of me, his hands holding my arms. He was a police officer.
“It’s gonna be alright.” He reassured me again as he slowly brought me to my feet. He walked me out of the closet and faintly said “Keep your eyes down kid, I’ll lead you out.” I think he said it more for himself, cause I knew what he didn’t want me to see.
Seth was laying in the living room, he’s body bruised from the impact with the wall and his bones broken.Jimmy was on the kitchen counter, multiple wounds and slashes were found on him. Kyle…I’m not sure what really happened to him. The reports on his body never came out. I just know I’ll never forget those sounds from when I hid in the closet.
Seth’s parents moved away almost immediately after the incident. Just left, didn’t take a single thing from that house. It was later taken down, I guess no one wanted to live in a house where something like that could happen.
I saw Jimmy and Kyles parents every once and awhile when I walked around the neighborhood. They would give me small smiles and waves and I would return them back. No more, no less. After high school I moved away for college, my parents knew why and never argued that I should stay closer.
That was a little more than 15 years ago. Few weeks back my dad called to tell me mom had passed away. He offered if I wanted to stay at home for the funeral, stay in my old room. I hesitated. I thought of that night every day for the past 15 years, never really bringing myself to wanna be back in that neighborhood. I refused and opted for a hotel a few miles away in town.
And that’s where I am now, in my bed writing my tale. I want you to take it as a warning, cause as I write this I know I’m not alone. It’s here, it’s in the closet of the hotel room. I can just make out its outline. It’s crooked legs crouching to fit inside, its arms slight poking out from some clothes, and its eyes staring at me. It knows I see it, and it knows I’m writing about that night. I’m not sure why now it decided to finish the game from all those years ago but here we are. Once I finish and close my laptop, it will kill me. My father will have to bury his son just moments after burying my mother.
I say this again, this tale is a warning. If I could I would go back and tell myself to never play that game. I would tell my parents to never let us have that sleep over. I would do everything in my power to stop that night from happening, to be able to save my friends. So please, I beg and plead to you, don’t play this game. Cause if you do, whether your ready or not…
He’s coming to find you

I find that when I randomly split on someone (for no particular reason) I become angry to an insanely unreasonable degree. I'm not talking about the reactive kind of anger that drives my impulsive reactions to conflict and is caused by my lack of emotional regulation, I'm referring to a simmering anger that's more long-term and less explosive, and is often caused by nothing at all. I just start to absolutely despise people practically overnight. Every single thing that the person does sends me into a rage, no matter how minor it actually is. The hatred lasts months, and has even lasted years in some cases. Sometimes I feel a very strong urge to hurt the person, though I'm confident that I can control these urges, thankfully.
For example, I currently despise my former FP, despite the fact that nothing's changed in her behaviour. She's always treated me slightly poorly, but I never really minded, and have distanced myself from her anyways, so her behaviour no longer affects me. That said, every time she posts on social media, or sends me a text, or does ANYTHING, I am filled with rage. Like, today she posted a random photo of herself on her story and I instantly felt a sense of all-consuming disgust and anger just by looking at her. Honestly, she could literally post a picture of a wall and I'd still find a way to get angry about it. Even the mention of her name pisses me off. Idrk how to describe it honestly, she just can't do anything right in my eyes at the moment, and I genuinely think I might need to block her for the sake of my own sanity.
Ik this all sounds pretty ridiculous and silly, but does anyone have any recommendations on how to deal with this unreasonable anger?

Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 216] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 218 May 28 or see the next chapter now on Patreon]
The Fractured Song Index
Discord Channel Just let me know when you arrive in the server that you’re a Patreon so you can access your special channel.
Frances and company catch up before the final battle.
***
“Hold on. How would he win this battle if we outnumber him and surround him?” Ginger asked.
“He could target our leadership. Focus on killing Titania, Antigones, you and Martin,” said Ayax.
“Only, he’d have to kill Sebastian and Megara, as well as Edana and you too, Frances, along with a whole list of targets. I’m not sure how he could pull that off,” said Elizabeth.
Ayax grimaced, brow furrowed, but Frances knew the answer to that question.
“Thorgoth doesn’t need to find half the targets he’s after. Myself, mom, Titania, our strongest mages and the rest of the people that will be on his list have leadership positions. Like it or not we’ll be involved in the battle and he just needs to find us on the battlefield. A well-placed spell and he’d snuff any non-magic person out,” Frances said.
“So what do we do then?” Martin asked.
Frances’ heart was pounding, for she knew the answer, but was afraid to give it life. Yet what could she do but tell what she knew was the truth?
“Take the battle to him. Thorgoth will have to operate by himself with maybe just his Royal Guards. We need to hold him and his escort and defeat him before he hurts everybody else.”
“So, all the Otherworlders, our best mages?” Ayax asked.
“Not all of them. But my mother and I, Jessica and Leila, Dwynalina and Jim and Nicole, with a few Otherworlders holding off his guards,” said Frances.
Elizabeth pursed her lips. “Ayax and I can go after Queen Berengaria. I can’t imagine her going far from her husband.”
“This is assuming we can at least split the attention of the dragons and keep them occupied of course,” said Martin. He touched Ginger’s elbow. “Not that I don’t trust you dear.”
“Oh I know, but it is a consideration.” She swirled the wine in her cup. “That means Martin and I will be directing the battle with Sebastian and Alexander.”
“It’s likely you’ll be the overall commander with Martin. Alexander and Sebastian would then take charge of their own contingents,” said Elizabeth. She bit her lip. “Do you feel up for it?”
Ginger shrugged. “I mean, we have to—”
Elizabeth reached out to pat her friend’s shoulder. “Martin, Ginger, you know we have every faith in both of you, but if you need help, there is no shame in asking for it.”
“Besides I think we’re all scared. I know I am,” Ayax said with a smile. Even so, they could all see how her tail looked like it was trying to twist itself into knots. Frances figured her cousin wasn’t trying to hide her fear, just trying not to alarm or panic them.
Martin sighed. “I think that’s the problem, Liz. Duty compels us. Love binds us. So I know no matter what happens, I know we’ll stand together to face him. Still, we are afraid and while I know I won’t run, I worry that fear may cloud my judgment at a crucial moment.”
Ginger wiped her eyes, but her tears now flowed freely down her cheeks. “How do I know I won’t panic, and make a bad call? How do we know we are all coming back? We can’t. I…I guess we have to accept that, but I don’t want to lose you. Any of you.”
Drawing her friend into a tight hug, Elizabeth gently patted Ginger’s back. “I don’t either. I suppose that for me, I’ve always looked to my faith in God, and in you all. Have we not triumphed in all we’ve faced?””
Frances found herself nodding, her throat unclenching and the tight nervousness in her shoulders and neck fading. What remained was a faint feeling of lightness that lifted her chin.
“You’re right. We should believe in ourselves, and hope. Hope for a future when we win this war. Hope that our good will triumph over Thorgoth’s evil. Hope that in a few days, we’ll be home with our family, and our friends.”
Martin gave Frances a wondering look. “How are you able to hope that?”
Frances smiled. “I think that I have always been good at having hope. I didn’t realize it until now, but even in my darkest moments, I always hoped that I would find a place where I could be me.”
Ayax stood up, raising her glass. “To faith, friendship and hope. May it see us all through our final trial.”
Rising to their feet, the five touched glasses and drank deep. They all were smiling. The pain and fear in their hearts soothed by the hope they held and the determination to see each other once again.
***
“Frances, can I walk with you?”
Frances would never have said no to her best friend, and she could tell that past Elizabeth’s bright smile, her friend was worried. There were just too many small signs learnt from years of friendship. She was scratching behind her ear, and her eyes were narrowed just slightly from the tension in her face.
“Of course,” said Frances, falling in beside the tall Otherworlder. “How are you and Ayax?”
Elizabeth giggled. “We’re great! Fantastic even. She and I are even talking about what we might do after the war. We have so many plans and well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that.”
Frances waited as Elizabeth continued to walk beside her, lips pursed.
“I know that after the war, I’m choosing to stay here with Ayax, with all of you. I just…” her voice trailed off, and her walk slowed to a crawl.
Taking a slight breath, Frances touched her friend’s hand. “Liz, you know it’s okay for you to doubt that.”
Elizabeth stopped and shook her head. “Oh no, I don’t have any doubts about my decision. At the very least, I’m past the point where my doubts aren’t going to change my decision. I know I’ve changed too much in the past seven years. I’ve come to terms with my sexuality. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with a woman who loves me just as much. I’ve commanded armies, led soldiers into battle and helped to make decisions affecting hundreds of thousands of people. I can’t go back pretending I’m Grade 8 and neither do I want to.” She squeezed Frances’s hand. “My decision is the right one. I know it in my heart and I’ve prayed about it. I can do a lot of good here and me going back? That won’t just hurt the people I love here, but it’ll hurt me and my family at home. I can’t hide who I’ve become and I’m proud of what I’ve grown into.”
Frances closely studied her friend knowing Elizabeth wouldn’t mind her staring.
“So what are you feeling, Liz?”
Closing her eyes, Elizabeth sniffled. “Guilt. It’s stupid. I know I’m making the right choice. I’m sure in my heart that God is encouraging me to make this choice, but I still feel guilty.”
“How could you not? You know your family loves you.”
“And I’m abandoning them. I know I’m doing the right thing but I still feel like I’m doing something wrong,” said the Otherworlder.
Frances hugged her best friend, squeezing her tight, hoping that her warmth and touch could comfort the woman who she’d trusted as much as her own mother.
“Liz, if they are everything you told me, they’re going to be alright. Have faith in them, like your faith in me and your friends.”
Elizabeth let out a sigh, but returned the hug. “Thank you, Frances. If…if the worst comes and you are sent back without me, go to them. Tell them I love them.”
Tears in her eyes, Frances nodded. “I promise. If you are sent back, I will take care of Ayax.”
Elizabeth let out a gurgly hiccup. “Thank you. I know you will.”
***
The historic coronation of King Martin and Queen Ginger would found what would be known as the Congrey dynasty. Con for Conthwaite and Grey for King Jerome’s dynasty.
It was an unusual coronation as King Martin and Queen Ginger were long-betrothed but not married. Yet King Jerome and Queen Forowena’s wills had been clear. Apart from that, the coronation involved as many of Eridale's traditions as possible in light of the circumstances.
Down the parade route attended by all those that could be mustered, King and Queen marched in at the head of an honor guard composed of their closest companions. These included Frances, Elizabeth, and Ayax, who held three poles of a crimson banner that hung over the pair. The fourth corner was held by Martin’s sister Mara, who wore a slightly undignified grin. Yet, nobody could really blame her.
Martin wore a black-white checkered tunic with red-gold trimmings and shoulder epaulets. His trousers were dark gray with again red-gold tassels. Ginger did wear a dress. It was of a dark maroon with silver lacing. A bejeweled gorget studded with emeralds hung from her neck and her ears sparkled with dark blue sapphires.
There was one minor alteration. As the procession marched up to the entrance of the old Goblin Empire palace, on a raised wooden dais dressed with elaborately embroidered carpets stood the attending dignitaries. They included all the other Erisdalian lords and ladies such as Viscountess Katia and Lord Tarquin, dressed in all the finery they could muster. Other notables such as Prince Timur, representing the Kingdom of Alavaria, Grandmaster Edana of the White Order and Alexander and Eloise of Erlenberg stood proudly side by side.
Towards the center of the dais were three figures. King Sebastian and Queen-Consort Megara, and the former Queen Janize. Sebastian and Megara were standing, holding Queen Forowena’s crown, whilst the heavily pregnant Janize sat, holding King Jerome’s crown. Thorgoth may have taken their decorated helmets, but he did not have their ceremonial attire.
Martin and Ginger stepped out from under the awning, giving their bearers a brief nod, before taking the last steps up the dais.
Whistling a spell, Megara touched her throat with her wand. “Who stands before the crowns?”
Martin knelt to one knee. The bearers of the awning followed. “Sir Martin of Conthwaite. A Knight of Erisdale.”
Ginger curtsied low. Frances nearly split her lips as she grinned at her friend’s perfect form. “Ginger. Just Ginger of Erisdale.”
Janize’s expression was unreadable as she rose to her feet. There was a slight archness to her features, and yet that could just be how she lifted her haughty cheeks.
“As witnessed by all, and by the King and Queen of Lapanteria, do you swear to defend Erisdale with all means at your disposal including force of arms?”
“We do.”
“Do you swear to uphold the laws of the land and the rights of Erisdale’s citizens?”
“We do!”
“Do you swear that until your dying breaths, to govern and reign over Erisdale not for your benefit, but for the benefit of the people and for their future generations?”
From her kneeling position, Frances frowned. That wasn’t quite the right oath. The wording was “Do you swear to govern over Erisdale wisely and justly?” She supposed that she might have missed it, or maybe there was a variation.
Yet as she noted her fiance’s face, she noticed his eyes were wide and her mother’s eyebrow was arched.
Not skipping a beat, Martin and Ginger bellowed. “We do!”
“Do you swear that you will do your utmost not to make the same mistakes as your predecessors and do whatever it takes to preserve Erisdale’s peace, even if it may cost you your lives?”
Frances blinked. Janize had gone completely off script. There was no fourth oath.
However, Martin and Ginger only hesitated for a moment as they exchanged a glance and looked up to meet Janize’s gaze.
The blonde woman’s eyes were bright and the hands holding Jerome’s crown were trembling ever so slightly. Frances had wondered why she’d insisted on doing this. Martin and Ginger had wanted to approach her to ask if she was willing, but the enigmatic former queen had surprised them by demanding they allow her to crown them. She now had an idea as to why.
“We do,” said Martin, smiling.
Ginger returned that smile. Blinking back her own tears, she took a breath. “In the name of Queen-consort Forowena and your brother, King Jerome. We solemnly swear.”
Janize closed her eyes, a single tear running down her cheek.
“Then as the last heiress of House Grey, I pass the crown of Erisdale on forever. Long live the Congrey dynasty. Long live Martin the Hero of Erisdale and his queen to be Ginger, whom I dub Erisdale’s Burning Heart.”
Lifting Jerome’s crown high, she set it onto Martin’s head. Swiftly taking Queen Forowena’s crown from Sebastian, she set it on Ginger’s head.
“Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger!” Janize bellowed as Martin and Ginger rose to their feet.
The crowd chanted back, their voices filling the great cavern. “Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger! Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger!” Frances could barely hear her own voice over the crescendo. The call that they all raised. Like the sound carried up into the void, she could feel herself be carried up. It was like she was floating on the power of their united song.
Turning around, Martin and Ginger smiled at Frances. Their eyes were wide, and she could see them clasp each other’s hands tightly.
Frances found herself standing on her feet, the pole to her awning in her hand. Without a second thought, she stabbed the pole’s spike into the ground. As her hand dropped to Alanna, she paused for a moment before her mind caught up with her body, and she nodded as if to herself.
Drawing the estoc, Frances raised her blade high, saluting her two friends.
“Long may they reign! Long may they reign!”
Elizabeth was right behind her, hammer raised high. Ayax followed suit with her staff and Mara and the rest were soon drawing their weapons. From the corner of her eye, Frances even spotted Morgan and Hattie raising their wand and staff.
“Long may they reign! Long may they reign!”
***
Helias glanced over his shoulder toward the accursed city. Despite the distance, there was a tremble in the air of Kairoun-Aoun itself.
“Helias?” Sara asked.
“Sounds like they crowned Martin and Ginger. They’re going to attack soon,” he said.
Sara nodded, her tense jaw the only sign of the worry that had seized the harpy-orc. As gently as he could manage with his rough, scarred hands, he wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Sara. We’re going to be fine.”
“You’re lying,” she said with eyes fixed forward.
The general couldn’t help but wince. “Sorry.”
Slowing in her stride, Sara placed a hand over Helias’s. “I still appreciate you trying to comfort me but I would prefer you to tell me the truth. How bad is it?”
Helias looked around. “Thorgoth may pull off a miracle and get himself and Berengaria out. However, a lot of Alavari are going to die.”
“What are you going to do?” Sara asked.
“I’ll have to attend this meeting and see what Thorgoth is planning. We’ll make a plan after that.”
“You and I know it’s not going to change anything,” Sara said, looking up at her husband, who could not meet her gaze. Yet, she didn’t push him away. Instead put her hand around his waist, drawing him closer.
“I know, but I want to be sure,” said Helias in a low tone.
“I understand. See you soon,” said Sara.
***
Helias found himself exchanging side-long glances with Glowron. The pair sat, both leaning forward toward King Thorgoth and a pacing Queen Berengaria, who’d finished explaining tomorrow’s strategy.
“Do you have anything else to add, my good generals?” Thorgoth asked. The king still smiled easily as he swirled a cup of wine in his hands.
Glowron shook his head. His tone was short but he kept this expression neutral. “No sire.”
The goblin general was Helias’s superior in rank and social class. The fact of the matter was that if Glowron had no objections, then there was no way the tauroll could object.
And still, Helias felt bile rise in the back of his throat. He froze, ever so briefly. Closing his eyes, he shook his head. Nothing mattered, except for Sara and Gwendilia.
“No sir. I’ll have my troops ready for tomorrow.”
That should have been that. They would have been dismissed to prepare for tomorrow’s suicide mission, but the king’s whims had other plans.
King Thorgoth put his cup down and leaned forward. “Oh come on my good generals. Surely you have something to improve on this plan.”
Glowron’s expression remained blank, whilst Helias smiled. “Your Majesty, you were the one who taught me everything I know. I can think of nothing I can add to your strategy.”
Queen Berengaria strode toward him. “You’re usually so talkative, Helias. Are you sure you have no other thoughts?”
“I beg your apologies, but I do not have any further additions to your plan, Your Majesty. My lord Glowron?” Helias asked.
“I do not either, my liege—” Glowron fell silent and Helias’s tail stiffened.
Thorgoth and Berengaria were no longer smiling and with a few more steps, the harpy queen had put herself behind the two generals.
“Let me be plain, we are now not asking you about how to improve the plan. We are asking for your thoughts. Give them.”
The Demon King’s remaining dark eye was narrowed. The other was now covered with a black silk eyepatch, the remains of the scar that Queen Forowen had given him, a discoloration scouring a line along the side of his face and right over his ear. In spite of the king’s injury, Helias felt nothing but cold dread dry his mouth.
“Your Majesty, my only thought is that we have no option but to follow your plan. No matter how we got into this situation, the only thing we can do is go forward and try to win this day,” Glowron said.
“And do you blame me, Glowron?”
Helias watched, eyes wide as somehow the much smaller goblin general continued to meet the king’s eyes. “I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t assign some responsibility to you at all, but I believe we ought to have thought of the possibility of such a trap. So the responsibility is mine as well.”
Thorgoth nodded. Out of the corner of his eye, Helias saw the slightest of nods that Berengaria gave to her husband. Alarm shooting his gaze back toward the Demon King, Helias found the full attention of his sovereign and sometimes uncle directed right at him.
“And you, General Helias?”
Lie and he might not be able to make it convincing enough. Tell the truth about what he thought about this war and he was never seeing Sara and Gwendilia again. Thorgoth hadn’t just been hurt, his pride had been wounded and he was now backed into a corner. It would be unwise to anger him, but what to say? What could he say?
All he could think of, and see was his child and her adoring gaze. All he could feel was the touch of Sara’s hand against his. They’d become closer than he could have imagined and were more than just companions with mutual goals now.
If he was to die, then maybe he could tell this truth.
“I am mostly thinking of my wife and my child, my king. The coming battle has me greatly concerned with how dangerous it shall be.”
Thorgoth narrowed his eyes at Helias for a brief moment. The tauroll, staying very still, waited for the presumed reaction by Berengaria.
Whatever Berengaria did made Thorgoth arch an eyebrow.
“I thought you didn’t consider your wife to be worth much,” said the king in a mild tone.
His mind racing, Helias ran with the idea. “She has responded well to the constraints and discipline I’ve enforced on her. She does nothing but facilitate all my needs and has served me well.”
He could feel Berengaria’s eyes narrow, but Thorgoth was already leaning back onto his chair. “Good for you. You are dismissed.”
“Thank you, sire,” said Helias, almost unable to hide his sigh of relief.
***
Author’s Note: While I wish I could have spent more quality time with Martin, Elizabeth, Ginger and Ayax, I do love the best-friend/team that I created for Frances. This chapter and the last was my little way of giving each of them a bit of time with Frances before the final battle.

In a realm where the whispers of night weave into a tapestry of silent dreams, two souls find serenity in a reunion forged by destiny's delicate hands. Ethereal light breaks through the veils of slumber, casting gentle glows upon their faces—a tableau of tranquility bathed in moonlit grace. Time, a fragile illusion, halts; the world fades until there is nothing but the shared heartbeat of two kindred spirits.
Their eyes speak volumes, reflecting tales of longing and epochs spent apart. A labyrinth of life's intricacies had once sundered their paths with invisible threads, yet even as stars monument life's fleeting dance, they now stand at destiny's precipice. Here in this dreamscape, promises long whispered to the night sky materialize softly as if painted by the brushstrokes of aurora's luminance.
With every step closer, the gossamer strands of their bond shimmer anew, infusing the air with the sweetest fragrance of reminiscence and hope. In this ethereal encounter, words are but prisoners to the profound language of souls entwined. The crescendo of their journey reaches its zenith; not just another ephemeral dream to be swept away by dawn's jealous light, but a moment eternally etched in the cosmos.
Lips meet—a tender collision wherein lies the quiet revolution, a sublime act that speaks of unspoken pacts made in lifetimes past. A kiss—so simple in form yet vast as oceans in significance—transcends mere physical realms. It is an alchemy binding heart to heart, an eternal seal affirming that through every challenge and chasm faced, their unity remains unbroken.
This poetic tableau unfurls wings crafted from sheer emotion; a manifestation not just of love or desire but of homecoming—the realization that no matter how far one roams, alignment is inevitable when souls are bound by celestial decree. As the echo of their connection vibrates through dream's fabric, it carries forth a message: love is an ever-renewing wellspring defying separation’s illusion; it breathes life into dreams and etches its narrative into eternity itself.
In the ethereal realm of dreams, where reality bends and boundaries fade, there exists a tapestry of emotions woven with delicate threads of longing and desire. Amidst this enchanted landscape, two souls intertwine, their paths destined to converge once more.
In the hazy tendrils of midnight's embrace, under a moonlit sky adorned with stars, the lips of these two girls brush against each other with an electric tenderness. It is a dance of fate, a moment suspended in time, where the past and present merge into a symphony of passion.
Their reunion transcends the confines of ordinary worlds, for in this dreamlike realm, love knows no boundaries. It is a reunion carved in whispered promises and stolen glances, where every touch ignites fireworks within their souls.
As their lips meet, the universe holds its breath, captivated by the resplendent beauty of their love. Passionate and tender, their kiss resonates with the essence of an eternal flame, igniting the depths of their beings and setting their hearts ablaze.
In this dream of unity, their souls find solace, their spirits intertwine like ivy on ancient walls. Their love blooms like a forbidden flower, vibrant and intoxicating, casting a spell that lingers in the air, beckoning the moon to bear witness to their celestial union.
And so, in this realm of dreams, the two girls reunite, their hearts aching with a love that defies labels and conventions. They leave an imprint on the fabric of the universe, an eternal testament to the power of love and the beauty of embracing one's true self.

TLDR; After trying EVERYTHING I reduced stimulants to promote rest and digest and reduced sugar to limit bacterial infections Would like honorary phd for this ten year $100k research project “Fine” now 🥹 ?
Full story: I have had eczema since 8 months old. Cats and dust allergy and sweat/heat induced. It was no biggie. An antihistamine and the occasional topical OTC steroid cream - easy peasy.
Fast forward, I’m 24. I started getting really hot and red in my face. Can’t tolerate heat at all. My eczema was flaring non stop like crazy. Had it in places I never had before, eye lids, neck. Couldn’t sleep I was so itchy. Had restless leg wtf could only sleep every second day
Saved up for an allergist and started doing desensitisation treatments, bactroban in the nose, and the nurse secretly told me I could take up to 6 antihistamine pd and switch between a few brands
My skin got so bad the doctor wouldn’t let me have the injections anymore Doctor offered me lyrica and prednisone. I was so far gone the prednisone did NOTHING . They literally told me “I can’t help you anymore please don’t come back”
My skin was now flaking bad, like I was turning into sand. Scratch , weep, scab, flake, repeat. Folliculitis all over my legs. I was itchy every waking hour. I slept in a bathtub for 6 weeks getting 1 hour sleep while working full time wearing cream and barrier cream under full body bandages. Found out about TSW and related
Ended up in hospital with a golf ball sized boil in my eyebrow. IV antibiotics cleared up the infection but still itchy. Was told it was the type of antibiotic they don’t give out unless you’re about to die .
Finally saved up and waited 3 months to see a dermatologist. She said option 1. Cancer drugs (assuming an immunosuppressant?) 2. Light therapy
I chose 2. Not sure what it did but I got a nice tan I also tried EVERYTHING short of sacrificing small animals and children during an eclipse . Spent $$$$ laser hair removal, chiro, naturopath , special elixirs, creamssss , dottera, hcl tablet, bleach then peroxide baths, condys crystals, iron, avene, acupuncture, fungicide, silk sheets, plain tooth paste, shower water filter , digestive enzymes, magnesium, tar, charcoal poultice, drink clay powder, activated grains, keffir , blood type diet, psychology, relaxation , Chinese herbs, vitamins, shaman ritual with eagle feather (not joking). Taking showers scared me because of the excruciating pain of open wounds everywhere. Tried swimming in the ocean. Felt like being set of fire but I was wrong. Had a bath with a bit of tea tree oil. Ah, NOW I know what it feels like to be set on fire (creepily got itching relief from the pain Ala black mirror).
Nothing working So I quit literally everything I ate except 30 INGREDIENTS (1 water, 2 salt , etc) on the combined advice of three eczema books Eczema slowly improving Reduced it further to having nothing but one fruit smoothie per day for SIX MONTHS “because fruit is healthy” (and eating one celery stick was too depressing ). Somehow lost no weight . Was getting better but still red and hands still looked like dinosaur skin. I
An energy healer told me it was fruit. lol. Stopped eating the smoothies and skin was better in 1 week. Redness/heat tolerance didn’t improve. Still have restless leg
Flakes and infections came back every year. Back in hospital with another golf ball boil when I’m 30. Goes away Flares again a year later
Had emotional crisis and got Valium from doctor . Magically healed! Stop Valium (not a fan) Heat intolerance recurs. Frequent flare up Try medical cannabis . Fine for a while then I adapted again like the Borg
This year (I’m 34, with 1 year of a biomed degree under my belt) I hear about anticholinergic syndrome and relate. I quit drinking tea and coffee (rip ☠️ switched to chicory root) or taking antihistamines.
Redness going away Heat tolerance improving Eczema disappeared Been healthy??? for 6 weeks Wish me luck 🍀
Sorry this post is so long , tried to condense a 10 year journey of misery as short as possible. hope this helps someone

I’m looking to get my first ever tattoo, and have had my eye on a specific artist for some time; I love her work, and I also still love her tattoos healed. Thing is that I’m horribly indecisive and can’t pick between 3 designs. One is more meaningful and the other two are more for the aesthetics.
The first would be of my two dogs in front of a nature landscape. I’m not completely sure on what kind of landscape yet, although a beach or a generic summertime landscape have my preference at the moment (it wouldn’t be very vibrant colours for the beach, I’m Dutch so it’s all a bit more greyish 😂).
The second design would be of a winter village landscape, from a distance, and with multiple houses. (I’ve seen tattoos of her with a similar detailed design, and I still like them healed).
The third design would be a more generic landscape, which she specialises in. It would have a summer vibe (if that makes sense), and would be at dusk/sundown. It would be similar to the background in the design with the dogs, except more detailed.
The first design is the most meaningful, but I haven’t seen any designs of the artist with pets (though she has done some with animals that I like), so I’m not sure if that would be the best design to get from this specific tattoo. I have heard that white ink doesn’t age well in tattoos, and am therefor a bit worried about how the second design would age, and if it is perhaps too detailed to stay nice for over 5 years (I don’t mind a fuzzy look at all, but I’m worried that it will all start to melt together after a long time). The third design is something this artist specialises in, so probably the most logical choice.
Seeing as it’s my first tattoo, would it be better to go for sentimental in your opinion, or are aesthetics and quality more important? Also, I’ve already sent an inquiry but haven’t received an answer (also not on my follow-up), and was wondering if that could be because I don’t know which specific design I want yet. Should I wait to make a new inquiry until I know the specific design? And do you have any opinions on the designs, and how well they’ll hold up in your opinion?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds

OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.

OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom

OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.

Relevant Comments
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.

OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.

OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed

OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.

OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation

OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.

OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death

OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.

 
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money

OOP: Hi there,
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.

OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers

OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.

OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him

OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

So my father used to own a cabin. In fact he used to own a lot of different properties. Which I suppose is just a roundabout way of saying that we grew up with money. Where things get a bit complicated is how he actually made that money.
The line that he constantly fed us was that he was an accountant running his own firm in an office in the city. Long hours, lots of business trips. We never saw him much. And whenever we did, he always seemed tired, his eyes perpetually bloodshot, as if he were always trying to force them to stay open.
He was sent off to prison right after I’d finished my first year of college.
The sentence? Fifteen years, for washing hundreds of millions of dollars for numerous cartels. Two weeks after he’d been booked, my mother committed suicide. As it turns out, she’d been helping him out through the entire thing and was facing some time herself. I guess she didn’t want to deal with all that and took the drastic way out.
A few months later, the government had seized pretty much all his property.
All of it, except for that cabin in the woods.
It took a long time for me to feel normal again. But eventually I managed it. Went back to school and graduated with a good enough GPA which allowed me to snag some shitty office job a few months later. But it was enough to pay the bills.
Fast forward about another year and I’ve basically scrubbed that entire sequence of events out of my brain. It took a little bit of therapy, a lot of psychedelics, but I finally did it, to the point where I was comfortable enough to go back to that cabin, the one place where I’d see my father for more than a few weeks at a time during our summer trips.
I decided to take along three of my friends from Uni - Jack, Pedro, Randy.
We drove down there at the beginning of May. The road leading to the cabin hadn’t been maintained at all and as a result, it had become borderline undrivable. I decided to save my vehicle the stress and parked in a nearby lot, leaving us about a one-and-a-half-mile trek through the woods, which really wasn’t so bad.
Our time in the cabin was pretty much spent getting drunk and stoned, and by the third night we had completely run out of food.
We decided to take the thirty minute walk over to the nearest rest stop, where I knew that there was a 24/7 diner. So we go there, eat our meals, and on the way back we notice a burning smell in the woods, as if there was a bonfire raging about nearby.
Of course that was a bit strange given that it was around 2AM. But we didn’t think too much of it at the time and we kept walking.
It was only when the smell continued to grow stronger as we got closer to the cabin that we understood something was very wrong. Soon it had become suffocating, and we could see the night sky tinged with orange in the near distance.
I felt my heart drop into my stomach and immediately I was sprinting, my worst fear realized as I reached the clearing where the cabin was located.
Completely up in flames, plumes of dark smoke blending in with the night.
It was a mix of different emotions that hit me all at once, the combination of them creating a sense of dread so deep I hadn’t thought it possible.
After reeling myself in, I called 9-1-1, with the operator telling me that the fire department would be on their way but wouldn’t be able to reach us for at least thirty minutes. The four of us walked away from the cabin in silence, getting far enough so that the smoke was no longer scratching at our throats.
Around ten minutes later, we noticed that the orange tinge in the sky had suddenly disappeared. And I mean suddenly. Like, gone in a single blink. I thought I might’ve been hallucinating, but it was clear from their expressions that my friends were seeing something similar.
Cautiously, we started making our way back towards the cabin, noticing that the smoke was no longer heavy in the air, having cleared up considerably. Once we reached the clearing, it had disappeared altogether.
I looked ahead, my brain working overtime to comprehend the sight before me. The cabin was no longer on fire. Burnt to a crisp, sure. But the raging, overwhelming flames that had been consuming it just minutes prior had somehow completely fizzled out.
The four of us looked between each other, as if to confirm we were all still seeing the same thing.
Using the flashlight on my phone to survey the damage, I found pretty much what I’d expected. Complete destruction. Absolutely zero hope of recovering anything.
I started taking some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down when I heard Pedro yelling out from the other side.
“Guys… where the fuck did this thing come from?”
We all walked over to him. Nestled in the debris was the corpse of… something. A monstrosity.
It was about the size of a bear, with the sections of its body that weren’t burnt showing pale, clammy skin with deep cuts etched throughout it, in what looked to be some kind of crude pattern. Its head had been smashed in, leaving nothing but an abnormally wide bottom jaw which was still baring long, black teeth. It had an uncountable number of long, thick arms that it was using to hold something that resembled a human infant, one that appeared to be completely unscathed, devoid of any burn marks. The longer I stared at it, the more that I was convinced I could see it breathing.
It was a bizarre enough sight to put us into a near-trance. What eventually snapped us out of it was the chanting.
It was barely noticeable at first, slowly escalating in pitch until it was clear that there were several human voices shouting in unison. Their tones were animalistic, their words strung together with just the bare beginnings of a rhythm. It sounded like they were speaking English, though I could hardly make out anything they were saying.
The strangest part though, was how quickly it was getting closer to us. Definitely not a walking pace. It was more like a sprint.
The four of us shared a quick glance between each other and immediately there was an understanding.
We ran like bats out of hell, tripping over branches, our own feet.
But eventually we reached my car, all of us scrambling to pile into it. As I was fumbling for my keys, the chanting had become deafening, to a point that hardly made sense. It sounded as if there were speakers lined up in a circle around us, all blasting that horrible noise.
And the second that I had put the keys into the ignition, things went silent. I found myself holding my breath as I looked up, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness until what I was seeing was unmistakable. Several figures standing completely still at the edge of the woods. All human-shaped but far too large to be people.
All the air being held in my lungs flooded out with one big exhale and I slammed the vehicle into drive and took a sharp turn before speeding the hell out of there, refusing to look in the rearview until we had made it into the highway.
I drove until I had reached the rest stop, which was now hosting an absurd number of police cars. I parked, got out, and approached one of the cops, asking if they were here because of the fire.
The cop shook his head. “Fire? No. Has there been a fire?”
I explained the situation with the cabin to him, deciding to leave out the creature and the chanting for the time being.
The cop nodded slowly, his expression remaining largely the same throughout.
“Alright,” he said. “We’ll look into it. And then give you an update in the morning. For tonight, just get a hotel or something.”
We exchanged numbers and I thanked him. As I began to walk away, he called out to me.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
I turned back around.
“Yeah,” I said. “Sure.”
“Do you happen to be (my dad’s name)’s son?”
For a while I just stared at him. Eventually I nodded.
“Yeah,” he said. “I thought I recognized you.”
“I don’t understand,” I told him. “I’ve never seen you before.”
The cop took a deep breath before taking a quick look around. “Come here,” he said. “Come close.”
Tentatively, I did so.
“I can’t tell you everything. I don’t even know everything. But I think you should have the right to know the truth about your father. All of the stuff that’s happened here tonight, all of the shit that you’ve seen… it has something to do with him.
He took another look around before continuing. “Cartels, right? Was that the story they told you? It’s not so creative. But I guess it doesn’t have to be creative to be believable. Cause the shit that he was actually mixed up in… you would not believe unless you’ve seen it for yourself.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.
“Look, I have your number. I’ll be in touch tomorrow morning. This is something I’m curious about as well. Maybe you can give me some answers, point me in the right directions. But not here. So get out of here before people start noticing you. And stay safe.”
I didn’t feel like staying in a hotel that night, so I drove back into the city, dropping everybody off before arriving back at my own apartment.
Of course I couldn’t sleep that night, my eyes wired open into the morning as I waited for the officer to call. He still hadn’t by the time that noon rolled around and so I tried calling him instead.
No answer.
Eventually I did receive a call from the police, telling me that my father’s cabin had burned down and that it was due to a forest fire.
I told them that wasn’t possible because there had been no forest fire and that I suspected foul play and wanted it to be investigated.
“It’s already been investigated,” are the exact words that the officer told me. “Don’t worry about it. Just get in touch with insurance. Go over your options.”
And before I could say anything else, he had hung up on me.
It was a mixture of anger and curiosity that compelled me to drive back down there. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for the road leading towards the rest stop to be blocked altogether. There were two cop cars guarding the barrier, with a single officer signalling any vehicles approaching to turn around.
I pulled over to the side of the road and after some careful deliberation, I decided to get out and approach him and ask what was going on. Just to see what he might say.
When I finished the question, he stared at me for a long time. Uncomfortably long.
“Emergency construction,” is what he eventually told me.
After that encounter, I pretty much dropped trying to figure things out.
Some weird things have started happening to me since. Every night, I swear I can hear a baby crying in the apartment across from mine. The apartment that I thought had been occupied by a pair of college kids who definitely do not have children.
That cop that was supposed to call me finally did, a few nights ago. When I answered, I was met with dead silence on the other end. Nearly thirty seconds of it until the line clicked dead.
There’s an abandoned house sitting across the street from my apartment building, one that’s supposedly been there for years because the development of the store meant to take its place keeps getting delayed.
Somebody has started staring at me through its second-floor window. Whenever I catch them doing it, they’re quick to close the blinds, so I can never catch any details. But I know that the moment I turn away from it, their eyes are back on me.
I can’t confirm that any of these things are related. Whether it has anything to do with my father.
I just know that I don’t want to deal with it and that I want it to end.

My sister went to live in a small town in the Pacific Northwest about a year ago. Contact with her ceased 10 hours after she had left town. Her phone would go straight to voicemail and I couldn’t file her as missing, as I hadn’t even gone there to make sure she was okay myself. But when I entered that small sleepy village, I didn’t think I was going to be leaving.
The fact is she hadn’t told me specifically what town, but modern technology prevails and before she moved she had forgotten to stop sharing her location with me. At least the location was active for the 10 hours after she had left our shared apartment. The location was a road coursing through the dense pine forests, and the closest town was only a few miles North. It was a start so after a few days of ruminating, worrying and telling myself that she’s fine, she’s an adult, she doesn’t need me to baby her anymore, I caved to the worry and packed my bags.
The long drive from our hometown of ***** in Idaho was adding to my stress, if only speed limits were not a thing. I drove into the town of ******** as night was falling and the dense forests around me began to feel as if they were closing in on me. The town was quiet, and to be honest I couldn’t see anyone. A few signs flashed on and off which presumably meant that despite the deserted streets, people were most likely dwelling inside the diners and bars that were sporadically placed.
I pulled into the diner which had the most cars parked in the lot, stepping out of my car and briskly walking to it as it begun raining. The smell of pancakes, cigarettes and coffee hit me as I walked inside the door, along with the warmth that flooded over my cold limbs. The customers sat in their plaid shirts, sipping on their beverages, and looked at me in somewhat disdain. Outsiders I guess. I sat on the corner booth, and the waitress came over to me; a much less disapproving expression on her face thankfully. I ordered a diet coke and a stack of pancakes as after that drive my belly was louder than the chatter in the place. Whispers now, as if I had walked in on some secret group meeting that fronted as a family diner.
I tried ringing my sister again, hoping that perhaps it may ring this time. But it didn’t. I ate my pancakes, as I felt eyes on me with each bite. Once I had finished, I paid and left them, hearing the chatter intensify as the door shut behind me. It was 9pm and I had pre-booked a BnB about five minutes up the road. It was a quaint little colonial, with inviting amber light emanating from inside. From the empty parking lot I assumed I was to be the only guest that night, and I pulled my suitcase from my trunk, dragging it across the gravel courtyard.
As I got to the top of the stairs I realised there was no BnB sign or anything really that indicated that it was a BnB. No vacancy sign, no usual indications of it being a professional establishment. I twisted the doorknob and entered the ‘lobby’ which seemed to lack a reception desk, and very much looked as if I had simply walked into somebodies home. Silence. At this point I was certain I had inputted the wrong address, and seeing as it was a small town the fact that the door was unlocked was not so out of the ordinary. I turned and left, dragging my relatively heavy suitcase down the porch steps and back to my car. Before I managed to open my trunk, an elderly woman's voice came from behind me.
“Why you leaving dear, come on inside. I have just baked a fresh batch of Snicker doodles.”
I turned to see the lady, who looked very much like a stereotypical grandmother with her coifed hair and flowery apron.
I followed her as she escorted me back through the front door. At this point I was ready to collapse on a soft bed, my eyes were sore and my fingers felt as if they were about to snap from the cold air outside.
“I will take you to your room after you’ve tried one of my snickerdoodles,” the lady said as she gestured for me to follow her to the kitchen.
“This is the ***** BnB Isn’t it?” I asked as I sat on one of the chairs around the little round table she had in the middle of the kitchen.
“Yes of course. Would you like milk with your cookies dear?”
I ate the complementary cookies as she watched each bite that went into my mouth, before she asked the question that ultimately would lead to the cascade of events that made me never, ever want to visit a small town ever again.
“Where’s your invitation?” she asked as she tapped her fingers against the table.
“Invitation?” I asked. “You mean my booking number?”
“No dear, your invitation to this town. No one comes here without one.”
“I don’t have one, I only have the booking number for this hotel.”
When I said this the woman’s homely demeanour soon changed. She looked irritated, angry, and went to the phone that was hanging on the wall.
“Who are you calling?”
She turned back to me with wide eyes, and as I swallowed it felt as if one of those delicious cookies was lodged in my throat.
“I don’t know about an invitation, I have my booking number, I paid for the room.”
The lady didn’t look back to me when I said this and stood with the phone against her ear.
“There is a young lady here without an invitation,” the woman said. “Yes, no invitation.”
The woman started tapping her foot on the floor as she grew impatient with whoever was on the other end of the phone. At this point I got up, and backed into the hallway where my suitcase was still sitting by the front door.
“She’s leaving! What do you want me to do! I cant run after her, I had a damn hip replacement!”
I at this point, as anyone would do, ran to the front door, and picked my suitcase up as I heard her yelling intelligible things at the phone.
I ran to my car, shoved the suitcase on the passenger seat, and reversed out of there, as my heart was nearly bursting through my ribcage.
I drove back the way the diner was, not knowing what I was going to do. I couldn’t just leave here, my sister was somewhere and if this was how the locals were, I sure as hell was going to find her and take her back home.
But at this point I had nowhere to sleep, and it wasn’t like I could just drive to the next town over, which was hours away. I was sure to have crashed the car in my state of panic and sheer exhaustion.
I composed myself as my shaky hands held onto the wheel, and decided that f it. I would have to drive to the nearest town, whatever was going on here, whether I was just paranoid or what, felt very off.
But as I came to the road that led out of town, I noticed the orange lights of a roadblock, warping in the rain that started to pelt down harder.
I stopped my car and got out to speak to the people standing in front of it, placing cones and signs.
“I need to leave, is there another way out?” I yelled through the almost deafening sound of the rain.
“No Miss. you’ll have to get a hotel tonight.”
“Why is it blocked?”
“Something on the road. There’s a BnB up the road.”
I ran back to my car, wiping the rain out of my eyes. What on earth was going on, and one way out? They had to be lying or something. I turned my phone on and of course because of the rain, and impending storm, no signal, no maps.
I did a U turn, the road had to come out somewhere else up north. The town could not just be a one way in, dead end out.
I drove past the BnB, up the main road as my wipers were struggling to keep up with the pouring rain.
And thats when I realised that the main road at least was one way in. The road stopped randomly, blocked by pines that lead into a forest. I didn’t want to stop there, to I turned down a road to the right, just praying please please please get me out of here, I’ll come back in the daylight but please tonight just get me out of here.
The road began to get bumpy. In the distance I could see lights and through the intermittent vision I had of the road, I could see a church. I parked and got out of the car, hoping that the church might offer me some sort of shelter. I ran through the rain as the wind worked against me. I rapped on the old wooden door, yelling for someone to open it, all while looking back at the black void behind my car from where I had come.
After a few minutes, I heard the clinking of a lock and stepped back. A friendly face of a woman peered through a gap and she looked up at me.
“How can I help. Its 10Pm.”
“I have nowhere to stay, and that BnB down the road was not very inviting.”
“Invitation Hm?”
“Yes, you know about that?”
The lady opened the door and gestured for me to enter. The wind howled through the church even when she had shut the door, and there was candles placed throughout.
“Is the woman ok in that BnB?” I asked the lady.
“The woman. Miss, you came to the wrong place, and I’m not sure what I can do to help you.”
“The wrong place?” I asked as I felt completely as if I was about to break down and cry from the fear of what on earth was going on.
“You can stay here, and I will help you however I can. But it’s me and a few of my friends against that town. I cant promise anything.”

Morrigan had just finished talking with her sister Horus. Horus said that father was in fact a sorcerer, a user of the powers that her adoptive father had once used. Morrigan was furious and was about to prepare her legion for war against her father. However, she intended to mull over this information while gardening, and spend time with her Lily. However, as she entered her room, she saw a ghastly sight, something that hurt her to the core, more than anything she ever experienced. Her lily in bed, their body connected to all manner of medicare machinery. Their skin was paler than usual. She could hardly see their chest move, and their body appeared paralyzed. Morrigan came to her lily’s bedside. “Apothecary, what is wrong?” The apothecary looked listlessly at the ceiling, their chest barely rising and failing, their arms limp at their sides. Morrigan felt a tear touch their eye, and they wiped it away. “Apothecary, you must tell what is wrong. Apothecary!” She yelled angrily, partly at her own inability to do anything to help them, and partly at the pain her lily was surely suffering through.
Then she heard a rasping voice behind her. A voice that sounded like a manifestation of someone she knew. “Mother. It seems your attachment to this psyker has nearly caused their demise. Pity.”
Morrigan swung her scythe towards the voice, and stopped shortly after seeing the voice was coming from Typhus, who was somehow still alive. “What do you want Typhus?” She said angrily, scythe placed on the cut that had severed his head. “What sorcery has returned you from your death?”
Typhus laughed, a raspy and hoarse laugh. “It matters not how I am here, but why I am here. I have a way to help your beloved apothecary. I can help them; all I need is your word.”
Morrigan looked back to her lily, seeing the immense pain they were in, then looked over at the vibrant garden they had cultivated. She then looked back to her son, in angry contemplation. “I will not be a puppet to whatever sorcerer has returned you to life. You aren’t a son of mine, and I shall not negotiate with you.” Morrigan once again removed Tyhpus’s head from his neck. She told her sons to burn the corpse and then throw the ashes into space. She would not let Tyhpus’s corruption interfere any longer.
She spent the night tending to her garden, taking breaks to check on her Lily, knowing deep inside that they may never get better. However, when she slept that night, she was taken to a nightmarish realm of her sons fighting against her father, their bodies corrupted by chaos. She could hear the bile filled laughter of a creature in the background, cackling at the disgusting sight of what her sons had become.
Finally, it called out to her. “If only cough you could change their croak fate. If only. You can *sickening gurgle* even help your poor apothecary.” The sight of her lily on the bed appeared before her, and Morrigan could feel a slimy hand upon her shoulder, the bile filled breath of some abomination. “I can help them. All you need to do is complete one little favor for me. What do you say, won't you shake a poor man’s hand?” Said the voice, a hand reaching out from the shadows.
Morrigan knew this must be a trick. She could surely heal her lily without the help of this thing, whatever it was. It may require her to do things she would rather not, but at least she would have a choice. At least she wouldn’t sell her soul “I don’t need your help.” She said stubbornly, sure that she did not need to make this deal as much as the voice thought she did.
The voice grunted angrily, showing her further horrors of the future, of bloated bodies, pestilence and plagues that rampaged her sons, her lily and her home world. “Fine. That is your wish” Morrigan was forced to watch as these visions played over and over in her head. The only way she could think of to escape was the one thing she never wished to do. She dug down deep inside, finding the psychic power she always knew she had, but refused to use. Only with the strength of will could she expel the visions from her head.
Morrigan woke up from her nightmare in cold sweats. She looked over to her side, to see her lily lying to her side, still limp, staring listlessly into space. She knew what she must do to help them, but she was not sure if she was truly ready to use sorcery like her adoptive father, or the Emperor, or Magnolia. She decided to mull over this and spend time in the garden, spending time alone with her thoughts. Perhaps then she might find an answer to her troubles.
She spent days alone in her garden, tending to plants that she could barely keep alive. It gave her something to focus on, something to keep her mind away from the choice she had to make. That was until her sons barged into her room, even though she had specifically told them to leave her alone. She got up, scythe at the ready.
Her son ignored the scythe, stating the purpose of his interruption, “Apologies for the interruption Mother, we are in need of the apothecary. The sick and injured are mounting, and we don't have enough personnel. We will lose more than half of our number without their help.”
She looked over to her lily, still laying near death upon her bed, hooked up to a matter of medicae machinery. “They are in no condition to help my son. But if they improve, I will send them down.” She knew her sons would not understand, and she did not want them to. Not yet. She was not ready to face the facts, not yet. But she would need to do the one thing she swore never to do if she wanted to save her sons and keep humanity safe, especially knowing that she knew her father’s true intentions, or at least she knew what he really was... Her sister Horus was probably letting her ambition run free and was trying to use her against her father. So she was the only one left to protect humanity from the ambitions of tyrants, sorcerers and murderers. ‘Ironic’, she thought, as she prepared to use her psychic abilities to heal her lily, so that they may help her sons, and then help humanity. She placed her hands upon their chest, repeating the same process she had seen her lily use many times in the apothecary when she thought they weren’t looking.
They awoke moments later, eyes flickering open as some light returned to their eyes. They gave a weak smile, their voice weak and raspy. “Is something wrong my M’lady? I feel like I’ve been sleeping for days.”
Morrigan laid a hand on theirs and gave them a glass to drink from. “We will talk later apothecary. Once you are ready, you are badly needed in the apothecary chambers. Incoming injured is overwhelming existing personnel.”
They could not read their lady’s face. Was it concern that they saw, fear, something else? How long had they been asleep? Why did their lady give off a psychic energy they had not before? They did not have the answers to these questions, but they knew now was not the time for answers. People were in need of aid, and so queries must wait. They took a sip from the glass, and then prepared to take on their apothecary duties once more.
Morrigan left, giving them privacy and so that she could see the apothecary, help her sons whoever she could. Maybe she could ask her lily about their abilities. Maybe she could find a way to use them for humanity’s benefit? Maybe it would all be for naught, and she would be right about the nature of such sorcery. But that could wait till later.

So about half a year ago while I (27 AFAB at the time) was at work my arm began tingling. It happened while I was crocheting so I attributed it to poor posture but took note of the time (just after 3pm) and continued working until 5pm. By the time I got off work my pinky and ring finger on my right hand became difficult to use. I drove home (hindsight this was really stupid of me to do) and an hour later when it hadn't gotten better I asked my brother to take me to the ER.
While there I told them that given the symptoms I was having (numbness on one side, and partial paralysis) and that I had started a new birth control a month prior that I was worried about the possibility of a stroke. They checked for the more obvious signs of stroke (facial droop, delayed eye dilation, blood tests, etc.) and noted that I had weakness in my right arm as well as tachycardia. They asked my brother about my behavior and if I was acting off, which he said I was not.
When the blood tests came back they informed me that my d-dimer was elevated. I wasn't told how much it was elevated. They referred me to CT to check for a pulmonary embolism. CT showed a normal healthy chest and I was sent home with a diagnosis of pinched ulnar nerve.
Over the next two days I proceeded to be incapable of eating or drinking anything, if I slept it was not for more than an hour at a time and I woke up in a cold sweat. My arm went from tingly and partially paralyzed to dead meat attached to my body. I could not move it, and could only lift at the shoulder. I woke my brother up at 3am to take me back to the ER. I informed them of the new symptoms, as well as the worsening of the previous symptoms.
This time it felt very dismissive. I was not being heard. I got sent to MRI to check again for a pulmonary embolism which again showed nothing. I told them I felt like I had really bad brain fog and my arm felt like it was in ice water. I was told this was normal for a pinched ulnar nerve. They gave me nerve glides to do, a prescription for 600mg of ibuprofen, and a referral to a neurologist. I asked them before I left if it was a good idea to fly as I had a vacation starting the next day, I was told it was fine.
So I went on my vacation, flying from one coast of the US to the other. It was 7hrs after I landed and was picked up from the airport where it started to go downhill and rapidly.
I still couldn't eat, and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep so I bummed a gummy off a friend and started getting ready to go to bed. After this is a complete haze for me but I will list the events as I was later told:

• While walking to bed I blacked out. This was me dropping while I had my first tonic-clonic seizure of the night. My friend miraculously caught me and made sure I didn't hit my head, while my other friend took charge of the situation.
• My seizure lasted approximately 2 minutes, and when it looked like I was coming out of my postictal state pretty quickly they decided to drive me to the ER
• At the ER I had another seizure while they were taking me to get a CT scan of my brain. After this I was taken to MRI. I was considered medically confused and was incapable of staying still. I was given two doses of Ativan to try to keep me still long enough to get something from the MRI
• MRI was sent to a neurologist at another hospital who was able to see on the VERY blurry images that I was having a stroke. She teleconferenced in to assess my state, asking the nurse to essentially check if I was brain dead. My friend who was with me the entire time was the one to actually wake me up.
• I was then transferred to a bigger hospital's ICU for care when I was stable.

I dropped on Tuesday night. I remember bits and pieces of Tuesday night, and the following Wednesday, but I was not conscious and aware until Thursday morning. I woke up, realized I had a catheter, and I was PISSED.
In the few hours after the medical staff learned I was actually with it. I was informed not only that I had a stroke, but that I had a rare form of stroke. It was a Cerebral Venous Sinus Thrombosis. They were shocked that the previous hospital had not continued to look for something and dismissed me. I was then informed that my d-dimer was 1.03 (where a 0.50 was the maximum threshold for a normal d-dimer), my glucose upon being admitted was severely elevated, and they didn't know how bad it was because they had not yet been able to get a clear image of my brain.
Throughout my ICU stay I learned I was extremely lucky to be alive, you can't trust every doctor, and to always be accompanied by someone who will advocate for you. Also birth control sucks and my friends are amazing.
I spent my 28th birthday in the ER.
I now live in the state where I was finally diagnosed properly and I am communicating with a lawyer for a malpractice lawsuit. I have had up to 20 appointments a month just for things related to my stroke and am coming to terms with things that just might not get better. I'm taking 4 different medications for the after affects of the stroke, and I might just have to remain on 3 of them as it's possible I now have an epileptic disorder. We wont know for sure until my brain is given more time to heal but my recent EEG still shows abnormal brain activity.
I think overall I have a pretty solid case, especially given the shock of the paralegal as I explained what happened. But sometimes I second guess it and it worries me.

Hi! How’s your week going so far? Is it going by slow or seem fast? Do you have something that you’re looking forward to this weekend? Maybe it’s a new movie coming out, a sporting event, meeting up with old friends or just relaxing.
I’m looking to get to know someone who I can connect with over our similarities and differences. Talk about our days and see how we click! No preference on age or location! It can be short term or long term. Let’s see how we connect!
I’m 35M, white, brown curly hair, blue eyes and a slender build. I love to watch movies, tv shows, sports, play trivia, play games (video, board, and card) go on adventures, travel and meet new people.
Personality wise I’m sarcastic, flirty, goofy, open minded and empathetic!
Really would love to get to know someone new! If interested send me a chat or a message!

Where did the kid go?
The kid that had that light in his eyes. The kid that had unbounded hopes, dreams, and aspirations.
The kid that got butterflies in his stomach when he talked to the girl he liked. The kid who was proud of himself when he worked up the courage to do that. He tried to hold eye contact with her. He was stunned by how big and dark and beautiful her eyes were. The kid that could barely sleep because he was so excited to see her, even though he knew the most he would ever get from her was a smile and a laugh. Where did he go?
The kid had absolutely zero clue what love was or what it felt like. None. Yet somehow, he managed to feel it stronger, deeper, and more often than he ever has since.
Where’s the kid who felt like he was in a movie, driving through the countryside on summer evenings? The kid who would drive home exhausted on an ice cold pitch black December night, listening to football on the radio, just . . . existing? Enjoying the moment? No, he didn’t enjoy it. He didn’t have to try to. It was just reality. And to him, it was perfect. It was beautiful.
He saw such a colorful world, even on gray days. Long stretches of winter without seeing the sun didn’t faze him.
He took risks. When people laughed at him, he didn’t care. He didn’t carefully consider every sentence that came out of his mouth to make sure it didn’t sound stupid. He made mistakes, and he forgot about them. He missed opportunities he should not have missed, and he forgot about them. He moved on. He just lived.
Time was an unlimited resource for him. Days ticking off the calendar meant nothing.
He never let himself down, because he never had expectations. He didn’t know what failure felt like. Sometimes he failed, but he never experienced failure. That was something that just didn’t exist.
I write all this, but I know where the kid went. He grew up. They all do.
He still has hopes, dreams, and aspirations. But when he gets lost in those ideas, there’s no longer that shimmer in his eyes. Instead, his eyes go narrow and expressionless, and the emotion behind them is no longer blissful. It’s angry and fearful. It’s fear that he won’t be good enough. It’s fear that he’ll let others down. It’s fear that he’ll let himself down. It’s fear that he’ll let the kid down.
If I could pick one word to describe the kid, I’d say he was delusional. That sounds bad, but it’s not. That’s what made him great. That’s why I want him back.