Text messaging symbol

Hey everybody! I'm looking for a companion who shares some of my passions!
I am a mechanical engineering student. My interests include science, computers, art, philosophy, LEGO building, vehicles, video games, worldbuilding and hiking. I identify as an atheist but I'm open-minded and respectful of different perspectives. Meaningful conversations about beliefs and ideologies are always welcome!
I'm looking for someone preferably female, because I find it easier to get along, but it truly doesn't matter. Anyone who enjoys frequent chats and shares my enthusiasm for the things I'm passionate about will fit! I understand that not everyone is comfortable with voice calls. So, if you prefer text-based communication, that's completely fine with me.
If you're genuinely interested in building a connection and exploring common interests together, I'm all in. My age range is 19-22. If you think we might hit it off, feel free to shoot me a message!

I met someone online. He was feeling something that I found strange in myself and that I thought only I felt. It was like a miracle that I met him. He was so special for me. And we were seems like attracted each other. But I messed everything up. Over time he started texting me less and less. He's not interested in me anymore. Because I saw him online on another platform.
But I'm still obsessed with him. I can't get him out of my mind and I still hope that one day he will text me again. The only way to get rid of him is to realize that he's not what I think. I want to get him out of my mind. I don't want to be obsessed with someone but I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with this for almost 2 months.
I don't want to wait for messages, dont want to dream about him and me, I dont wanna remember him in every song, to think about him in every romantic thing. Its exausting.

Just got a text from my potential tomorrow that he’s sorry, but not able to make it. No explanation or asking to reschedule so I’m assuming he’s no longer interested. I’m honestly feeling really down lately and just disappointed in how bad the bowl is in my area. Have gone on several potentials and majority were horrendous despite vetting. I tried vanilla dating apps for a bit and the men are even more delusional on there.
I had really good luck in the prior area I lived in with finding genuine and generous SDs quite easily. I moved to my current location and despite it still being considered a big city, making connections here is so much harder than I imagined it would be.
Has anyone else had this problem with their location? I know the bowl in general is bad all over, but I’m really feeling just how much more it is where I’m currently living. Just pretty disappointing. I’m going to take a break as I don’t think I can stomach anymore of the ridiculous messages I get (SD websites and vanilla alike) Maybe try again later.

My sister has a samsung phone and she also has an ipad, whenever she uses her ipad and opens imessage for some odd reason the contact photo of the person she’s texting changes on her samsung phone. For example, if Bobs contact photo on her phone is set to a pic of his dog and Bobs card on his iphone is set to his initials, whenever my sister opens Bobs messages on her ipad, the contact photo on her samsung switches from the dog to the initials. Thoughts?

My in-laws live a few towns over from us. To make a long story short, my husband and I have had to set up some personal boundaries that they are not very happy about. Since then, they have been giving us the cold shoulder. My husband has reached out a few times with no response. I know it really hurts his feelings that his parents are acting like this towards him. He eventually stopped reached out because it seemed like it was a lost cause and has been very troubling to him emotionally. It’s been almost 6 months where we haven’t heard anything from them.
With Mother’s Day this last weekend, he decided he would try again. He sent my MIL a card in the mail beforehand and on the day of, he sent a text, in the morning, wishing her a happy Mother’s Day and had tried twice to call her, within the day, to which she didn’t respond. I even sent her a happy Mother’s Day message as well that went ignored. Just short of randomly showing up on their doorstep, we really did try to reach out. So we figured, there’s not much more he can do if they’re not willing to also make an effort.
Fast forward to today: MIL calls my husband and just rails into him about how dare he not spend Mother’s Day with her and there’s nothing he can do that will fix the pain he caused from ignoring her. They talked for over an hour, to which she mostly just tried to guilt trip him by bringing up events that happened within the past 6 months that he missed because he didn’t care to be a part of their lives, and how he never calls, and we never see them. And I’m thinking, first of all, there are several times where he has intentionally tried to reach out and we never heard from them. Second of all, relationships should go both ways and they put all of the responsibility of maintaining it on his shoulders. If they wanted us at certain events, why weren’t we told about them?
It was a very unproductive conversation and now he is more distraught than he was when we just didn’t talk to them. He doesn’t want to cut ties with them but it’s feeling like it’s coming to that stage of the relationship to me if this is how it’s going to be.
Any suggestions on how to handle this and what our next steps should be?

Some help with Step Three- Plot Outline

1. Central Conflict:

• What is the central conflict or problem that drives the narrative?
  
• How does this conflict relate to the theme or message you want to convey?
  

1. Inciting Incident:

• What event serves as the inciting incident, propelling the characters into the main conflict?
  
• How does the inciting incident set the tone for the rest of the story?
  

1. Key Plot Points:

• What are the major plot points or turning moments that shape the trajectory of the story?
  
• How do these points contribute to character development and the overall narrative arc?
  

1. Subplots:

• Are there subplots that run parallel to the main storyline? If so, what purpose do they serve?
  
• How do these subplots enhance the depth and complexity of the narrative?
  

1. Rising Action:

• How does the tension and intensity build throughout the rising action of the story?
  
• Are there specific challenges or obstacles that characters must overcome?
  

1. Climax:

• What is the climax, the most intense and critical moment in the story?
  
• How do characters' choices and actions during the climax impact the resolution?
  

1. Falling Action:

• How is the aftermath of the climax handled in the falling action?
  
• Are loose ends tied up, or are there lingering questions for readers to ponder?
  

1. Resolution:

• How does the story conclude? Is there a resolution to the central conflict?
  
• How do characters evolve or change as a result of the events in the story?
  

1. Foreshadowing:

• Are there elements of foreshadowing that hint at future events in the story?
  
• How do these subtle clues contribute to the overall sense of anticipation?
  

1. Pacing:

- How do you manage the pacing of the story to maintain reader engagement? - Are there moments of tension and release strategically placed throughout the narrative? 

1. Twists and Turns:

- Are there unexpected twists or turns that challenge characters and surprise readers? - How do these twists contribute to the unpredictability of the plot? 

1. Symbolic Elements:

- Are there symbolic elements or motifs that carry through the plot? - How do these symbols enhance the thematic elements of the story? 

1. Character Choices:

- How do characters' choices drive the plot forward? - Are there moral dilemmas or decisions that significantly impact the direction of the story? 

1. Setting Integration:

- How is the setting integrated into the plot? Does it play a significant role? - Are there specific locations that have a profound impact on the unfolding events? 

1. Mystery and Revelation:

- Are there mysteries or secrets that characters uncover as the story progresses? - How are these revelations timed to maximize suspense and engagement? 

1. Parallel Narratives:

- Do you employ parallel narratives or timelines? How do they intersect or diverge? - How does this narrative structure contribute to the complexity of the plot? 

1. Genre Considerations:

- How does the plot align with the conventions and expectations of your chosen genre? - Are there genre-blending elements that add a unique flavor to the storyline? 

1. Emotional Arc:

- How is the emotional arc of the story managed? What emotions do you want readers to experience? - Are there specific scenes designed to evoke particular emotional responses? 

1. Moral or Ethical Dilemmas:

- Are there moral or ethical dilemmas presented in the plot? - How do characters navigate these dilemmas, and what impact do they have on the story's direction? 

1. Antagonist's Motivations:

- If there is an antagonist, what motivates their actions? - How does understanding the antagonist's perspective contribute to the depth of the plot? 

These questions aim to guide writers in crafting a well-structured and engaging plot outline that propels the narrative forward while providing opportunities for character development and thematic exploration.

My mother has been missing since July 2015. She left my father and me, sending a text message to my father on the day she disappeared, informing him that she would be leaving us. She had a history of infidelity so we didn't bother trying to look for her. We moved on with our lives, so to speak. Since then, she has not contacted us or shown any signs of her whereabouts. None of my aunts, uncles, or other family members have seen or heard from her either.
It has now been almost nine years since her disappearance. What legal steps should we take to settle her affairs, such as her bank accounts, insurance policies, and her social security pension? We have some bank account records, insurance policies and SSS records in file. Since she left we have been receiving statements of accounts from some of her accounts and they have remained untouched. My aunt also knows of 2 bank accounts my mother asked her to deposit money into before she disappeared. We are, however, unaware if this has been touched or still has balance.
If I am not mistaken we have to first declare her legally dead to even start settling any of her affairs. But, I have zero knowledge how and where to do that. Nor do I know what type of lawyer should we be contacting regarding this.
I would greatly appreciate any advice or insights you could provide. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for any help you can offer.

This shit of a landlord and his wive lives in the same house as I do. It's a 4 bedroom house which 3 are rented out. I have private room to my place. The landlord has no understanding of personal space and boundaries. Has not given me a verified contract (I am a female international student ). I was told I would get one and never received one. Also, they have entered my room twice when I have not been at home. Found his phone in my room the other day. Confronted them, and his wife got mad. Its like I am walking on eggshells everyday, can't be myself nor I can live in peace. Despite keeping the place clean and maintaining everything well. The landlord actively tries to find faults in everything I and my other flatmate do. There's a stupid whatsapp group created just to post shit about the maintenance when the landlord himself is the dirtiest. And his wife on the other-hand who claims to have OCD, they both like when the certain areas of the house, is cleaned for the superficial eye. Whenever I am out of the house or he sees me happy, my landlord makes it a point to find some fault even when there isn't any. He and his wife can't seem to find us happy ever. I am so sick of his bullshit, to a point its has been affecting my mental health. I already have a lot going on with uni . Receiving crap messages from my landlord is the last I need. I pay rent on time btw, and keep the space clean. I have been looking for a place to move out, haven't been able to find one yet. Have also reduced conversations with the both of them, and have been ignoring the group chat becuase its honestly senseless at this point, and stupid. Now, he has been texting me personally, which is even more annoying af. I understand if you tell me about something I have not done not when I have done and yet you find a problem with it.
How do I deal with a landlord like this?

Hello! I'm available for free tarot readings. You can send me a message if you're interested.
I'm willing to read on most any topics and situations that may arise for you, to help you find solutions to your concerns about them. I use creative thinking and my knowledge of tarot correspondences, symbolism and metaphors to provide you with ideas and insights on your queries.
You have the option of having your reading live on call or in the form of photo + text.
The main exceptions are queries on health/medical, legal/illegal, and supernatural topics. I won't be taking queries focused on third parties either (other people's mind, feelings, doing etc.).
You can message me with your request, and I'll respond to you as soon as I can. Please allow up to a few hours for a response. If I'm not able to take any request for any reason, I'll let you know. But otherwise, feel free to ask about anything!
This is for creative and entertainment purposes only. I don't read for anyone under 18 years of age.

Tldr at the bottom.
Before I start for context, I want to say this girl and i had mutual crushes on each other in middle school and high school.
So here's the deal, I recently ( a few weeks ago) sent this girl from high school a message trying to reach out.
I figured she'd never respond but did so anyways, hoping she might one day.
She wound up seeing my message and got back to me.
We've been talking for about a week now, and she's asked me all sorts of personal questions.
I mentioned to her that I was just going to leave a love letter in her inbox and never expected her to respond to me or read the note at all.
She asked me what it would have said, and I went into detail about how I've felt for her and why I disappeared from school.
I told her all about how I turned my life around and gave her all these personal details about life during and after school and what state im living in, I got my own apartment and a good job and everything.
I start asking her about personal info, but she gets weird about it and gives kinda secretive/avoident/cryptic answers.
I've given her a photo of me (a few days ago), I've left her voice messages, short videos of me talking to her and everything, but she never wants to go beyond texting.
She says she's gone through all these difficult life events since high school, which was sent to me in a somewhat long, very personal text, but quickly wound up deleting it.
She opens up a bit here and there, but she also takes hours to respond between messages.
She says she's busy doing her own thing, which I won't say what it is, but it could possibly eat up a lot of her time.
She's very nice and likes to be proper and is very supportive and encouraging in her texts.
I've tried to ask her if she'd be willing to send me a picture or a voice clip or a video, but she always chooses text.
I'm not being weird. I'm just light flirting at first and then just actual conversation asking things to get to know her because I am genuinely interested in getting to know her.
She says basically, "That's too personal right now," and will still respond but avoid questions like the plague sometimes.
Again, she will revisit old questions, but it feels like I'm picking teeth to her a regular, normal length conversation with her.
It's a little painful tbh, I wonder if she's mad at me, if she has a boyfriend or husband, if she's on the street, if she is genuinely busy, if she's ok...
I've asked her before a couple of times why she takes so long to reply, and she says cause she's busy.
Can someone really be this busy all the time every day?
She tells me she tries to be free on the weekends but does work on "projects"
She told me that she's "not promised to anyone," nor has she been "blessed with kids"
I live a good life and tried to impress her with the things I have and my lifestyle (in a nondouchey way), I tried opening myself up to her expressing genuine feelings of joy, love, interest but she just keeps distance.
I asked a mutual friend what he remembers of her from high school, and I guess she's always been like this.
She had a wall between herself and everyone else.
It's just so confusing. Why is she being nice to me?
Why is she responding to me when she could just ghost me?
Why does she talk to me and want to be supportive and tell me things like "I'm rooting for you in life" and "I know you can get where you're going if you keep on the same path" but at the same time, not want to make a call or send a video or a private photo so I can see her?
I asked for her photo in her messenger, and she updated her profile picture, which she hasn't done since high school in about 10 years!
She asks me why I sent and deleted messages and asks me what I sent her, but she doesn't have the time to message me to see them.
Is she manipulating me/stringing me along/keeping me on ice?
What's the endgame?
Where will this lead?
What's going on?
I feel like she's either not being direct, not respecting me, or there's something going on that's preventing her from being transparent with me like I've been with her.
What's the best thing for me to do in order to turn this uncomfortable situation into a more favorable one?
At least in terms of having an honest and open conversation with an old crush that I genuinely want to know more about?
One friend says patience is key with this girl.
Will she end up ghosting me or stop responding one day?
Is this normal?
Do I have a chance, and I'm screwing things up?
Is this salvageable, or is she just being a friend? (Big gulp)
Im trying to keep things light and casual because we both live in different states now but it kinda sucks how she's acting like she's being supportive but at the same time, she isn't being upfront with me.
Can anyone give some insight or maybe share a similar situation and tell me how it went or what was going on when you finally met the person?
Should I just take a chill pill and let things happen naturally?
Tldr: I recently got into contact with an old middle/highschool crush. Things are taking their course but she's secretive while I'm transparent. She dissapears for hours and comes back claiming to be busy. I'm not sure why she's making time for me but also acting sort of distant. Thoughts please.

Hello everyone, and yes, you've got it right. I penned down some lyrics, infused them with genre prompts, and crafted them into a song with the power of an AI overlord. If the essence of that song catches your interest, reach out, and we can chat further from there. I've opted for this approach because I've noticed a tendency for people to skim over text and miss important details, leading to wasted time .
So perhaps this song with different genres would convey the message more effectively?
Folk
Gospel
Basically an anime opening
Retrowave
Electro Swing
Metal

I love making friends especially friends that stick around and that's why I'm exhausted every time I talk to someone it seems meaningless I'm also tired of getting close to people just to get ghosted or out of the ble get the im gonna off myself message with a block?!? Why would you even do that to someone? I've gave people multiple chances and they keep doing it I'm genuinely looking for a friendship I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP I do not want someone obsessed with me or messaging me every hour asking why I'm not texting back I have a life I'll respond when I can and try to but life is busy

I have this friend from when I was 17(I am 26 almost 27 now) we had a good friendship with lots of fun, laugther and we shared alot of the same struggles with mental health which made us closer. We graduated from our High School and then kept seeing eachother the last 10 years. Something I noticed is that I am usually the one reaching out to meet or ask her how she is. We meet up and we have a good Long talk over coffe once in a while. However I started to notice a pattern, that if I don’t reach out I will not hear anything. I kept messaging her and checking in on her. She never checks Up on me. She never share anything unless I write to her and ask. Finally some weeks ago I started to get tired of this. I asked her and she said that it was nice to see me 2-4 times a year but she can’t mentally manage meeting more frequently because of her university etc. I said I understand, But I really wished she could then just text me once in a while to check in on me like I do with her. That was too much for me to ask - she couldn’t handle that. I then tried to Explain my emotions that I feel really Hurt and I thought we could be better friends since we had been friends for 10 years. She was very cold in her messages and just Said that she only wanted to be friends because she was nervous I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I then said to her that I have a good handful of friends who I talk with so that wasn’t the case. I asked her why are you me just because you are worried I don’t have anyone to talk to. She then replied that she also gets something our of it by talking with me. I told her I can’t be her friends if she can’t at least muster a ‘Hello How are you’ message occationaly. She Said sorry I cant give you What you want. Then she wrote another message saying ‘I can’t handle this right now let me reach out to you in 2 months and let us see’ I feel really hurt and I feel like it has opened some old wounds from ex friends who didn’t care about me and where it was me caring too much.
I don’t know What to do next. Is it worth trying to make mends?

I (22F) recently got the courage to ask for this guys number. I met him at a convenience store. (He works as a cashier). I kept seeing him repeatedly due to me having a major soda addiction, got the courage to ask for his number. Not gonna lie took me a few days to not be awkward and figure out how to send the first message. He’s only responded twice, just two words texts. Attempted making conversation he never responded. Yet he makes small talk to me at the store. This type of thing happens all the time. I can’t make any friends even when I try. I feel as if I’m too weird, awkward, boring perhaps. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong? Why I can’t create connections with anyone. I honestly even tried “bumble”? I believe and other apps to attempt to talk to someone yet can’t. Any advice on how to connect and befriend people of my age group would be greatly appreciated

I work in English speaking environment and every time I have to message someone I am afraid of making mistakes. I feel, like someone is going to say "Man, you work at English speaking company, and you can't write a proper email?".
For this reason writing emails and public slack messages takes me ages. I check every single letter, I paste my message into "english checker" websites, I ask ChatGPT, what it thinks about my text or if a native speaker would say something like that.
On the other hand I am fine with making little mistakes, I don't live in the UK/US, so it would be unfair to expect from me to speak perfect English, right? What I really need, is to understand how good my writing is, I need to know what mistakes I make and how natural my speech is. It would give me a lot of confidence to know that there are 6 mistakes in every text I paste here, so I am aware of my writing level.
At the end I just wanted to say I wrote this off the cuff to see how good my natural writing skill is, and if it is understandable to a native speaker. Did you struggle reading this? Is it clear from the very beginning I am a non-native speaker? Next time I will spend more time on this and I will focus more on writing good text, rather than just a natural one.

I will refer to “friend group” as FG.
So, I (20F) have This friend (20F), let’s call her A. We’ve known each other since middle school, but tbh we haven’t been the closest of friends.
For context, we’ve been in the same friend group throughout all of middle and high school, which fizzled out after graduating. I’m not super heartbroken about the friend group falling apart because I’ve never really hung out with anyone outside of group meetups aside from my best friend (who was in the same group). None of them ever asked me to hang out, and me, being the person I am, assumed it was cause they didn’t want to, so I didn’t initiate to hang with them either.
After the FG graduated high school, we decided to go on a fun trip during spring break, where we’d stay 2 nights in an AirBnB. 6 ppl out of the FG decided to go. Me, my bff, A, two other friends, and a guy we’ll call B, who was the only male on the trip. I wasn’t really close with him but he was in the friend group and I thought he was okay.
Anyway, in prep. for the trip, I decided to pay for the BnB and have everyone pay me pack on their own time (they all did). I also offered to drive since my dad allowed us to use his truck for the trip (it fit 6 ppl and we wanted to save on gas). Everyone contributed to the food and such (my bff bought a large dish that we would bring to avoid making dinner the 1st night), but the main person cooking meals was A. I thought the trip went really well, until I dropped everyone off when the trip was over.
Basically, A confided in me something that happened between her and B and we talked for a little while, with me trying my best to give advice or an opinion. (Keep in mind I’m not really qualified cause I’m basically celibate lmao). This was the first time in our years of friendship that she confided in me something super emotional for her. I felt that by trusting in me, I was shown that she actually cared about our friendship, and I was willing to put more effort into our communication. I wanted her to be okay, and naturally hung out with her whenever she wanted or when our schedules aligned.
Onto the advice part. After a few weeks (or perhaps closer to a month), A had a noticeable decline in her mental health, which I think I tried my best in helping with, meeting up and talking and such. But then she suddenly left the FG’s group chat, and then I sent her a text asking what was wrong, I got messages by another friend in the FG saying that A was leaving the friend group and that I was a main reason as to why. I can’t remember the exact circumstances as to her reasoning since it was a year ago, but I do remember that I didn’t respond to a text she sent earlier in the morning (I was going to class and forgot to respond, by the time I remembered it was deleted), and that was her “last straw.” I was devastated by this. I thought “wtf did I do I’m an awful friend I have to try and make this right.” So I tried sending A a message in hopes she would grant me a response. I sent and unsent messages, trying to find the right message before just deciding to ask for a talk. I would’ve preferred face to face, but she called me, and I picked up. My emotions were high, and I was vulnerable, and scared, cause I was finally close to her as a friend and I was about to loose her over something as silly and forgetting to respond to a text. While on the call, she ranted that she was putting so much effort into all her friendships, only to not get anything in return. “I would give so much and for what? I’d ask you how you’re doing, every time there’s a thunderstorm, but when I need you you don’t respond.” (I’m pretty scared of thunder. Ik it’s irrational and some call it childish but i can’t really help it. I’m thinking it anxiety???) I tried to not cry while talking to her but I ending up breaking, telling her the truth that I’m scared of not being a good friend, that I don’t know shit about anyone and that “ill be better and I’m sorry.” Stuff like that. Not my best moment :/
A few days after, we met in person, she forgave me, and I swore I’d make sure to communicate with her more.
But that’s the thing. I tried, but I didn’t get much of a response back. I’d send memes, start convos, ask to hang out, and most of the time the texts would go unread. I knew she was busy with work and such, and then me living 30 minutes away makes it harder to hang out, but I couldn’t help but feel it might’ve been some sort of revenge? It just felt shitty, and I couldn’t help but think that she’s giving me a taste of my own medicine.
Then she responded and we hung out, and we didn’t really talk about anything emotional. Just basic stuff.
Then she started school again, and suddenly it was like she didn’t exist. I NEVER got a response to anything, even when her status said she was active on insta (main form of communication). She’s in a STEM major, which ik can be super demanding but, not even time to like a reel or send a quick message?? Our dm’s became a graveyard for unseen reels and lost messages from me about meaningless things. Eventually I stopped sending anything, thinking she just didn’t wanna hang out with me anymore.
Then I got a response saying she was on break, and because I’m me, I was happy and didn’t mention the months of ghosting.
Then she started school again, and it was the same process.
She finally ended her semester along with everyone else, and she’s finally connected me again to hang out. I said yes because I wanna give her a chance, even though I’ve talked with my BFF and she told be things she found sketch about A. (Short of it is: a had a similar convo with BFF that she did with me, but BFF said she actually did contribute the the friendship and that the same stuff could be said for A, which I didn’t even think about till BFF and I talked about it).
I really want to continue this friendship, but there are red flags that I’m seeing. How to I go about talking to her and mending the rocky relationship we have?
TLDR: I have an inkling my friend might be a little manipulative/toxic, but I don’t wanna loose the friendship. How do I fix this???
I try answering any questions on context to the best of my abilities. This is my first post on the subreddit.

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
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I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.

A month ago my friend got a bad score on a test, I'll call him Chris, and he told me not to tell anyone. Later that week during class, I asked my other friend, I'll call them Kate, if they knew Chris's score. She said no, and asked me what it was, to which I responded I can't tell you. She then texted Chris that I told her that he got a D (I didn't). She told me she did this later in the class. I immediately texted him I didn't, and he got slightly angry at Kate. *Kate has been lying about things for quite a while, and hiding things from me, so this spurred me to leave alone after class and ignore her. She didn't text me or anything after I left her. An hour after this incident I kept proving Chris for the text messages as I wanted to know what she said, and he finally relented. The texts more or less had her saying that I told Kate, Chris got a D, him trash talking me, and her responding "HAHAHAH" to a bunch of it, before finally admitting she lied. I got upset at this because not only were these my close friends trash talking me, but Chris when sending me the messages he and Kate had, thought it was funny. I blocked him after this, and haven't spoke to either of them since. P.S. Chris would have told Kate his score if she had asked, but she chose to lie. Additionally, Chris knows that Kate lies often, so I also got upset that he would believe her so fast. Neither of them have come close to saying sorry, or know what they have done wrong. I have stopped talking to them, and a bunch of my friends know about this incident too, promoting Chris to not have really any friends in the class I share with him. Additional note: Chris has been apparently calling me names behind my back now too, and him and Kate are still friends. AITA for dropping them so fast without confronting them? Also any advice for what I should do in this scenario? I have heard Kate does not want to confront me first.

Hello all, I have been banging my head on this problem for a week and I need help.
I am building a game engine based on SDL2. It features is a text-based audio format (reminiscent of the C64 trackers) which I replaced all the WAV sounds with. The WAV implementation used SDL_Mixer, now I am using SDL audio feeding samples to a callback.
Problem: when I build my library for Linux in CI, the audio starts with a little delay that makes it unusable for SFX (e.g, you press a button and the sound comes when the action is over).
I don't have this problem if I build locally, on MacOS builds (local and CI) and WASM (local and CI). I did not have this problem with SDL_Mixer. It's only the linux CI build being problematic.
I think it's related to some system dependencies like ibus, wayland, X11, or alsa, because - taking a dump of the compiled artifacts - in the local build I see a bunch of symbols coming from those that I don't see in the CI build. However, installing those dependencies in CI did not fix the issue.
Just for having said that: I am using same CMake everywhere, same LLVM version, and vcpkg to keep all the dependencies in check.
If you want to see the code (and the builds) it's all here: https://github.com/latebit/latebit-engine