I think naequalityy's group was a bit sketchy, couldn't really get a lot of proof that satisfied me - so i decided to order myself. Here's what I got.
A lot of scams start off as "pay upfront & shut the fuck up" without providing any security, naequalityy wasn't the same how-ever. Lets get into it starting with looks-

1. They have a pretty nice set-up, its not very cluttered & a variety of content posted which drew my attention when i first joined the group. Presentation is key & they seemed to capture this point VERY well - so i can give a point to that.

Another point i'd like to make it the different types of proof that's actually available before even sending a dime to them, i was able to go over vouches, other peoples experiences, chat with a couple folks , & even see results from other customers so it wasn't just lousy screencaps & being asked to pay upfront. very easy to do your due-dillegence prior!
Communication - I was speaking to admins, staff , & members and i'd like to say its not what i expected. I assumed it was some bloke running a cracked software & that was about it but its actually pretty well structed which made it more appealing then other "hackers" who don't seem to actually do anything. I was even able to see start - to finish & updated along the way for my order which i thought was pretty neat.
NOW! I wont sit here and just glaze / dick ride like some jockey - there was a "ugly" side of things i'm going to cover today as well.
Starting with - TIMES!
So seeing the amount of traffic that takes place, I expected to be waiting maybe a cool 15-20 minutes but upon placing my order we ended up having to wait a full HOUR for results. I mean in the end we walked out with about 200+ pics / videos put we expected to be waiting no-more then 30 minutes. When you're ready to see some shit it tends to take the edge / excitement off. If you have the time then hey- knock yourself out
Another thing we were a bit iffy about were PRICES, for the average joe i'd say if they weren't having sales for members it was pretty steep > so going into it id be very aware of this point. On a side note it DOES come with a lot of content , as well as it working indefinitely not just a one time thing.
How non - snaphacks+ members are treated, well you aren't exactly treated bad but they usually primarily only service their own! They had a slot open so we got ours on a technicality but remember that if you try getting something beforehand. Its still a good service though!
So in - conclusion , i can vouch & say if you just do some research , talk to a few folks there & see everything they have to offer they "scam" accusations seem to dwindle away. I've not seen any actual screenshots of victims from scams , we ACTUALLY got work done & plenty other have. so a 8.1 / 10 from us! I'll link their Group on our Profile Link

My cousin and I watched a movie about Spy kids, not spy kids franchise, about 10+ years ago and in the beginning there's a group of children in black ninja suits breaking into this house where an old man lives. Turns out it was all a test and they failed, the old man being their master or father of some sort. The old man dies I believe and the kids have to be on their own to complete a mission. Don't remember much after but at the end one of the main kids is grown up and takes their driving exam in a blue Subaru I think and drifts through all the cones. Cheesy movie ik but I can't find it anywhere!!

we have known each other for more than 10 years and have been bffs for about 5 of them. i also introduced her to my husband's first cousin and they got married a year later. so she is family and friend.
over the years, i've noticed more and more that she would copy me, or start being interested in the things i'm interested in, or even just be passively competing with me throughout our friendship.
for example, i had expressed to her about wanting to make a certain uncommon recipe for a family gathering. she then proceeded to make it prior to the event and shared it with some of our family members. when the day of the family gathering came around, i made the recipe and my sister in law thought i copied her. i tried not to let this bother me.
i recently expressed that i was getting into fruity scents and specifically said i really wanted to find a good pear perfume. so she goes and finds a pear perfume and adds it to her online wishlist that a few of us girls in the family keep up with so we have an idea of what to get each other for special occasions. now if i add a pear perfume to my wishlist...i wonder how many of the other girls will think i'm copying her again...
i have always used the "typewriter" font in all my instagram stories. she never had a "go-to" font. eventually she starts using the "typewriter" font in all her stories and this went on consistently for awhile and if we ever repost each other's stories, the same font for a story WITHIN a story can get confusing so eventually i just switched to a different font. this instance is probably nothing but there's been so many little instances where i feel like she is "copying" and competing with me that this could've been one of those times for all i know. shes even gone so far as to go back to school for an associate degree because i was doing that *facepalm*
it's hard to think she's doing anything bad/wrong when it's a free country and you can do whatever you want and nothing truly belongs to any one person. but i had to think long and hard about why it bothered me so much. i've always been an introvert and preferred my own company over others'. because of my introvert personality, i can be quite protective of my own space, hobbies, and identity. and it feels like she is invading my space and taking my identity..? it's the strangest feeling that that can be possible, especially when she was nothing like me to begin with.
we've had talks where i told her that she has a very adaptable personality. she's a chameleon and she can mold herself into many different types of people depending on the environment or who she's around. i told her that it is a great thing to be adaptable but i think i should've also told her to be cautious of copying other people and absorbing their personalities. i think because of her lack of identity, she's like a sponge that just soaks in whatever is around her. can i even blame her for this?
i feel quite ridiculous even talking about this because i sound petty and selfish. but truly, i just feel uncomfortable and like i want to distance myself or not share parts of me with her, but she's family so it's not exactly a walk in the park. and she is quite sensitive and insecure about herself, so even getting into it is going to be emotionally draining.
how can i go about talking to her about this issue?
what would you do in this case?
​

Hello we are 2TMC a 21+ community server much like Hermitcraft. We are a SMP with emphasis on being friendly (with a little bit of chaos) with other players, and trying to be a welcoming community to everyone. We are running a Semi-Vanilla server with a few terrain generation mods and additional mods that enhance the vanilla experience (see list below).
We are looking for players who will be active in game on chat and on our Discord voice channels. The server is in NA but we accept players from all around the world. Discord and a mic are required! We love to chat on voice in game but it's definitely not required! We are also youtubestreamer friendly. So if you love to play minecraft and are looking for a friendly environment where you can prank others and do community projects then send us a message! We'd love to chat with you.
Data packs on the server

• afkdisplay
• anti enderman grief
• armored elytra
• better item frames
• blackstone cobblestone
• blaze and cave's advancements pack
• coal to black dye
• charcoal to black dye
• confetti creepers
• coordinates hud
• craftable notch apples
• craftable coral blocks 3x3
• craftable gravel
• craftable bundles rabbit hide
• custom nether portals
• double shulker shells
• dragon drops
• durability ping
• fast leaf decay
• graves
• larger phantoms
• more mob heads
• mountain angels
• name formatting station
• player head drops
• real time clock
• silence mobs
• straight to shapeless
• unlock all recipes
• universal dyeing
• unpackable nether wart
• villager workstation highlights
• wandering trades hermit edition

​
Fabric mods on the server

• armor poser
• audioplayer
• cloth config api
• clumps
• enhanced groups
• fabric per player spawns
• geophilic
• head index
• just an end anchor
• keep head names
• more mob variants
• no chat reports
• player pronouns
• radio
• regrowth
• shulker+
• shulkerboxtooltip
• simple voicechat
• slimyfloor
• status
• stitched snow
• terralith
• towns and towers
• william wythers' overhauled overworld

​
Fabric mods required to join the server

• armor poser
• cloth config api
• just an end anchor
• more mob variants
• no chat reports
• shulker+
• simple voicechat
• status
• xareos minimap
• xareos worldmap

​
Server Rules

1. Be Respectful
2. No griefing, stealing, or cheating
3. Chat is English only
4. Non-Destructive Pranks are allowed (so Hermitcraft style pranks)
5. Spawn area is for a spawn town
6. Bases must be built 250 blocks away from Spawn.
7. No duping except for carpet, rail and tnt.
8. No combat logging, this means mobs as well.
9. Taking items/griefing from active and maintained ruin sites is prohibited.
10. No hacking or hacked clients
11. No using others builds, items, villagers, etc without their permission.

If you are interested in joining please fill out this application

Hello we are 2TMC a 21+ community server much like Hermitcraft. We are a SMP with emphasis on being friendly (with a little bit of chaos) with other players, and trying to be a welcoming community to everyone. We are running a Semi-Vanilla server with a few terrain generation mods and additional mods that enhance the vanilla experience (see list below).
We are looking for players who will be active in game on chat and on our Discord voice channels. The server is in NA but we accept players from all around the world. Discord and a mic are required! We love to chat on voice in game but it's definitely not required! We are also youtubestreamer friendly. So if you love to play minecraft and are looking for a friendly environment where you can prank others and do community projects then send us a message! We'd love to chat with you.
Data packs on the server

• afkdisplay
• anti enderman grief
• armored elytra
• better item frames
• blackstone cobblestone
• blaze and cave's advancements pack
• coal to black dye
• charcoal to black dye
• confetti creepers
• coordinates hud
• craftable notch apples
• craftable coral blocks 3x3
• craftable gravel
• craftable bundles rabbit hide
• custom nether portals
• double shulker shells
• dragon drops
• durability ping
• fast leaf decay
• graves
• larger phantoms
• more mob heads
• mountain angels
• name formatting station
• player head drops
• real time clock
• silence mobs
• straight to shapeless
• unlock all recipes
• universal dyeing
• unpackable nether wart
• villager workstation highlights
• wandering trades hermit edition

​
Fabric mods on the server

• armor poser
• audioplayer
• cloth config api
• clumps
• enhanced groups
• fabric per player spawns
• geophilic
• head index
• just an end anchor
• keep head names
• more mob variants
• no chat reports
• player pronouns
• radio
• regrowth
• shulker+
• shulkerboxtooltip
• simple voicechat
• slimyfloor
• status
• stitched snow
• terralith
• towns and towers
• william wythers' overhauled overworld

​
Fabric mods required to join the server

• armor poser
• cloth config api
• just an end anchor
• more mob variants
• no chat reports
• shulker+
• simple voicechat
• status
• xareos minimap
• xareos worldmap

​
Server Rules

1. Be Respectful
2. No griefing, stealing, or cheating
3. Chat is English only
4. Non-Destructive Pranks are allowed (so Hermitcraft style pranks)
5. Spawn area is for a spawn town
6. Bases must be built 250 blocks away from Spawn.
7. No duping except for carpet, rail and tnt.
8. No combat logging, this means mobs as well.
9. Taking items/griefing from active and maintained ruin sites is prohibited.
10. No hacking or hacked clients
11. No using others builds, items, villagers, etc without their permission.

If you are interested in joining please fill out this application

Hi All! I'm a Level 10 Worrier and I am so in love with my new chicks! We have 7 new ladies who were hatched on April 16. They eat super well, they're gentle and sweet, they are great fliers (uh-oh!), they roost on their anti-roost cone, and they generally seem very healthy and happy.
However, they're kind of dirty. I change their bedding 1x a day with completely new fresh straw (they were on shavings but we've switched as we have bales readily available at home). I haven't given them a dust bath but I wanted to. However, I started worriyng that they might pick up something from our outside dirt? We have 3 2 yo chickens already and I always worry about worms (although we deworm with a rotating dewormer 2x a year). Do I need to buy a bag of dirt from home depot for this purpose? Or should I stop worrying and give them some of the dirt they'll be living in in a few weeks? (Their butts are not dirty, it's mostly their wingtips).
If it matters/is interesting, we have Pearl White Leghorns, Red Star, and Whiting True Green. Thanks for any advice

Welcome to the raspberry_pi Helpdesk and Frequently Asked Questions!

Link to last week's thread
Having a hard time searching for answers to your Raspberry Pi questions? Let the raspberry_pi community members search for answers for you!^† Looking for help getting started with a project? Have a question that you need answered? Was it not answered last week? Did not get a satisfying answer? A question that you've only done basic research for? Maybe something you think everyone but you knows? Ask your question in the comments on this page, operators are standing by!
This helpdesk and idea thread is here so that the front page won't be filled with these same questions day in and day out:

1. Q: What's a Raspberry Pi? What can I do with it? How powerful is it? A: Check out this great overview
2. Q: Does anyone have any ideas for what I can do with my Pi? A: Sure, look right here!^‡
3. Q: My Pi is behaving strangely/crashing/freezing, giving low voltage warnings, ethernet/wifi stops working, USB devices don't behave correctly, what do I do? A: 99.999% of the time it's either a bad SD card or power problems. Use a USB power meter or measure the 5V on the GPIO pins with a multimeter while the Pi is busy (such as playing h265/x265 video) and/or get a new SD card 1 2 3. If the voltage is less than 5V your power supply and/or cabling is not adequate. When your Pi is doing lots of work it will draw more power. Even if your power supply claims to provide sufficient amperage, it may be mislabeled or the cable you're using to connect the power supply to the Pi may have too much resistance. You can use a USB load tester to test your power supply and cable. Some power supplies require negotiation to provide more than 500mA, which the Pi does not do. If you're plugging in USB devices try using a powered USB hub with its own power supply and plug your devices into the hub and plug the hub into the Pi.
4. Q: I'm having a hard time finding a place to purchase a Raspberry Pi for an affordable price. Where's the secret place to buy one without paying more than MSRP? A: https://rpilocator.com/
5. Q: I just did a fresh install with the latest Raspberry Pi OS and I keep getting errors when trying to ssh in, what could be wrong? A: There are only 4 things that could be the problem:
   1. The ssh daemon isn't running
   2. You're trying to ssh to the wrong host
   3. You're specifying the wrong username
   4. You're typing in the wrong password
6. Q: I'm trying to install packages with pip but I keep getting error: externally-managed-environment A: This is not a problem unique to the Raspberry Pi. The best practice is to use a Python venv, however if you're sure you know what you're doing there are two alternatives documented in this stack overflow answer:
   • --break-system-packages
   • sudo rm a specific file as detailed in the stack overflow answer
7. Q: The only way to troubleshoot my problem is using a multimeter but I don't have one. What can I do? A: Get a basic multimeter, they are not expensive.
8. Q: My Pi won't boot, how do I fix it? A: Step by step guide for boot problems
9. Q: I want to watch Netflix/Hulu/Amazon/Vudu/Disney+ on a Pi but the tutorial I followed didn't work, does someone have a working tutorial? A: Use a Fire Stick/AppleTV/Roku. Pi tutorials used tricks that no longer work or are fake click bait.
10. Q: What model of Raspberry Pi do I need so I can watch YouTube in a browser? A: No model of Raspberry Pi is capable of watching YouTube smoothly through a web browser, you need to use VLC.
11. Q: I want to know how to do a thing, not have a blog/tutorial/video/teachebook explain how to do a thing. Can someone explain to me how to do that thing? A: Uh... What?
12. Q: Is it possible to use a single Raspberry Pi to do multiple things? Can a Raspberry Pi run Pi-hole and something else at the same time? A: YES. Pi-hole uses almost no resources. You can run Pi-hole at the same time on a Pi running Minecraft which is one of the biggest resource hogs. The Pi is capable of multitasking and can run more than one program and service at the same time. (Also known as "workload consolidation" by Intel people.) You're not going to damage your Pi by running too many things at once, so try running all your programs before worrying about needing more processing power or multiple Pis.
13. Q: Why is transferring things to from disks/SSDs/LAN/internet so slow? A: If you have a Pi 4 or 5 with SSD, please check this post on the Pi forums. Otherwise it's a networking problem and/or disk & filesystem problem, please go to HomeNetworking or LinuxQuestions.
14. Q: I only have one outlet and I need to plug in several devices, what do I do? A: They make things called power strips aka multi-tap extensions.
15. Q: The red and green LEDs are on/off/blinking or the screen is just black or blank or saying no signal, what do I do? A: Start here
16. Q: I'm trying to run x86 software on my Raspberry Pi but it doesn't work, how do I fix it? A: Get an x86 computer. A Raspberry Pi is ARM based, not x86.
17. Q: How can I run a script at boot/cron or why isn't the script I'm trying to run at boot/cron working? A: Try one of these numerous solutions
18. Q: Can I use this screen that came from ____ ? A: No
19. Q: I run my Pi headless and there's a problem with my Pi and the best way to diagnose it or fix it is to plug in a monitor & keyboard, what do I do? A: Plug in a monitor & keyboard.
20. Q: My Pi seems to be causing interference preventing the WiFi/Bluetooth from working A. Using USB 3 cables that are not properly shielded can cause interference and the Pi 4 can also cause interference when HDMI is used at high resolutions.
21. Q: I'm trying to use the built-in composite video output that is available on the Pi 2/3/4 headphone jack, do I need a special cable? A. Make sure your cable is wired correctly and you are using the correct RCA plug. Composite video cables for mp3 players will not work, the common ground goes to the wrong pin. Camcorder cables will often work, but red and yellow will be swapped on the Raspberry Pi.
22. Q: I'm running my Pi with no monitor connected, how can I use VNC? A: First, do you really need a remote GUI? Try using ssh instead. If you're sure you want to access the GUI remotely then ssh in, type vncserver -depth 24 -geometry 1920x1080 and see what port it prints such as :1, :2, etc. Now connect your client to that.
23. Q: I want to do something that has been well documented and there are numerous tutorials showing how to do it on Linux. How can I do it on a Raspberry Pi? A: A Raspberry Pi is a full computer running Linux and doesn't use special stripped down embedded microcontroller versions of standard Linux software. Follow one of the tutorials for doing it on Linux. Also see question #1.
24. Q: I want to do something that has been well documented and there are numerous tutorials showing how to do it with an Arduino. How can I do it on a Raspberry Pi Pico? A: Follow one of the tutorials for doing it on Arduino, a Pico can be used with the Arduino IDE.
25. Q: I'm trying to do something with Bluetooth and it's not working, how do I fix it? A: It's well established that Bluetooth and Linux don't get along, this problem is not unique to the Raspberry Pi.

Before posting your question think about if it's really about the Raspberry Pi or not. If you were using a Raspberry Pi to display recipes, do you really think raspberry_pi is the place to ask for cooking help? There may be better places to ask your question, such as:

• /AskElectronics
• /AskProgramming
• /HomeNetworking
• /LearnPython
• /LinuxQuestions
• /RetroPie
• The Official Raspberry Pi Forums

Asking in a forum more specific to your question will likely get better answers!
† See the /raspberry_pi rules. While /raspberry_pi should not be considered your personal search engine, some exceptions will be made in this help thread. ‡ If the link doesn't work it's because you're using a broken buggy mobile client. Please contact the developer of your mobile client and let them know they should fix their bug. In the meantime use a web browser in desktop mode instead.

I felt myself getting a little heated in today's CASA group discussions about "trauma." For every 10 times you'll hear that word, "resilience" will come up maybe once. I think most of us are aware of how arm-chairy and buzzworthy trauma and therapy have become. It's one of the latest cultural trends that facilitate a fluidity to presumed-more-informed conversation, without the practice of developing finer lines of understanding and distinction.
On the basis of your invocation of "trauma" you can rush to provide "help" and "services" and begin blaming an incredible amount of "mental health issues" or "unresolved childhoods." It's literally the cliche of a freshman's behavior after enrolling in their first college psychology course on blast. They've already invoked unsubstantiated pseudo-science and pop-culture explicitly not psychology as tools to provide frameworks for understanding your families. When someone infers substance abuse from a story just because the accusation was levied or any kind of drug was referenced at any level, their conclusions or assumptions go unchecked. It's predictably baking a recipe for an unnecessary mess on top of whatever the family is going through.
You can feel the tension every time you speak in "checking" ways. This happens to me routinely. One of the presenters spoke to the biased and incomplete ways that foster parents or aggravated family members might speak to the nature of the case or anyone's character. I pointed out that case managers can leave out details and massage stories to fit their ends as well. That got ignored and we moved right along. It's a real concern, and you need to know how to protect your relationship with someone who might be specifically directed to undermine your effort to advocate with the evidence.
But it doesn't feel "pleasant" or "decent" when you "want to believe the best" about your colleagues. Is it less true? Absolutely not. I was literally forced into that position from predatory supervisors and watched dipshit coworkers skip along those disingenuous lines without hesitation. Anecdotes fawning over better-inclined and capable FCMs do nothing to erase that.
So I started thinking about "discomfort" broadly. Another concept that's been wholesale abused. We needed to be way too on guard for what or whether we said might be a "micro aggression" or would cause someone to feel "unsafe" or "uncomfortable." Again, our pop psychology and propensity to overstate the noisiest out-ragers, made it so critical thinking and doubt became sinful in and of themselves. Facts don't matter in that space. "Being heard" is afforded only if you're claiming victimhood, but then, only victimhood of a certain type. The own-goal that is reactionary politics when you forgo any genuine attempt at taking someone's, almost certainly mostly irrational but nonetheless real, concern seriously is the ongoing consequence we get to suffer.
I think the more you practice observing conversational patterns, word choices, and trends, you can start to see previously "abstract" things considerably more acutely. One thing I notice is a propensity for "moving right along." I don't care what the topic is, there's a "normal" pace and pater that is preferred. Violate that, and it's time to move on. Point out the failings of the people you're supposed to trust most or even ingratiate yourself to? Let's move right along into the next module, as we all know there's nothing much more to say about that.
Another pattern I notice is the "taken aback pause." It's not precisely a reaction to being "offended," but it's a stark enough detail or way of relaying information that who you're speaking with was not prepared to engage that intensely. If they're quick, it'll be a brink-of-condescending acknowledgement before moving-right-along, or if they're not quick, it'll be a placating obfuscating of what you said to "even things out."Again, these are imprecise norms of conversational behavior around the particulars of one culture at one point in time, but they're real and of consequence whether or not you can see them.
When we use the word "bias," we let ourselves off the hook on the myriad ways it manifests. We let "bias" obscure in the opposite way that we let "trauma" obscure. Trauma is abused to over-explain what should be considered a necessary series of responses or consequences. Bias is abused to overlook how deeply it colors your propensity to engage that over-explaining behavior. You are biased, first and foremost, to your subjective experience of reality. In my experience, almost no one is that clued into their own flow of experience. Even the ones that are, or are showing the most growth and evidence, struggle, and will struggle indefinitely. This includes myself.
That's the point, though. You need the struggle to keep your wits about you. You need appropriate stressors against the things that will help you grow and incorporate. By definition, norms put that insistence to the side so we can all find a baseline mutual understanding to move right along down. The more cliched you sound, if you don't have a reflex to pause and pull back, the more you're training yourself to believe and act on "just whatever it is you say." You're a circular and totalitarian monster by default.
Add to that, you may not have any real ability or willingness to recognize how many cliches you truly are under the spell of. This is what the unironic attempts around discussions of "privilege" do a generally miserable job of explaining. We all have privileges up and down hierarchies and competencies and dozens of other metrics we fluidly transition through all day. None are necessarily going to jar you awake or indicate there's anything worth examining on their own. Your cohort speaks your language. Your education taught you the "right" things. Your hobbies and interests conform to a person of your state and stature. "It's just how things are done."
This provokes people's insecurity as a standing state of a lack of readiness. When you poke people, you'll find they don't have "real" reasons for their behavior, beliefs, or words. It's all been handed to them. They're a series of unconscious forces they're more or less molding to because that's how our brains work. Your brain doesn't care what it forms a pattern around, just that it can do so. There's survival reasons for this, as well as a story of basic capacities to function regardless of the nature of the environment that's all-but certain to otherwise kill you if you can't figure it out.
I, routinely, provoke that insecurity. I've learned to show considerably less ambivalence about the person after they've been provoked, but it happens just as an ongoing and predictable course of my practice. This is my practice. I analyze. I pull back. I try to identify and speak to patterns, even if they're abstract, but certainly concrete enough for me to anticipate them and work with or around them. I know what kind of response I need built into what I can reliably anticipate is going to be yours. I know how to piss off and get ignored by "the internet," and I know how to illicit a thousand likes. What's important to me is that I'm speaking as closely to my real perspective or agenda as possible, and not being driven by an elusive brain chemical game subject to the mercy of algorithms or inarticulate desires to unhealthily fit in.
I want to fit in, but with an ever-winnowing type of person. I want to be less-wrong in the information I share, but not at the expense of someone's capacity to hear it or learn from it if I can't be bothered to temper how I say it. I want to grow in my capacity to accept people, but not at the expense of their obligation to better account for and relay their own experience. I've been told my whole life that I'm not allowed to expect the same things from other people as I might of myself. I think this is fundamentally wrong and condescending. I think I should maintain the expectation while doing everything in my power to reduce the barriers to any one person getting to whatever heights you think I've managed or been born with.
Here again, we stay lost. How do you remove barriers you can't see or might even be dispositionally against even acknowledging can exist altogether? How many "boot straps" types can even be bothered to acknowledge the impact of the villages they're living in? How many "deeply empathic" people would entertain pairing their sensibilities to the word "toxic" under any circumstance? It's pretty easy, now, for me to see when my forthright manner acts as too blunt an instrument. Can you see where your baseline disposition and sympathies cloud your judgment and capacity to act more accountably?
I feel like "accountable" itself is poorly understood. Just count! Count the disquieting contradictory thought. Count the intensity, frequency, and severity of the feelings. Count the attempts to mitigate or times you recognized forgoing to do so. Accountability doesn't mean wildly wielding an axe to bring down dramatic consequences upon everything and everyone that wasn't noticed until now. It's just asking yourself, over and over again, what can I control about this situation? What can I act on that speaks to my values and perception?
Let's take the real world example of me and Byron. I can't control his perception of what he thought he was doing in service to the kid. I can't control his awareness of any creeping mental health issues that might have arisen. I can't control whether or not he responds affirmatively to my new boundaries. I could control telling him what those boundaries were altogether, so I did. I can affirm that I'm only going to communicate along the lines that hopefully help the boundary conditions get met before I'm willing to get more colloquial or back to friendly. I can respect that he told me our friendship is "invaluable." I can't truthfully say I think we'd be using that word in a mutually understood way until I see practical, tangible effects upon my life that counteract where I feel I am as a direct result of my expression of friendship getting grossly taken advantage of.
Until then, I'll treat him like I would any client. Show me. I'll patiently-enough nod along, provide whatever perspective or reframe that I can, and remain open to demonstrated behavior changes. I don't have to throw myself back into his fire. If I'm going to claim a desire to protect and maintain genuine friendships or care for those in my life, I'm not going to treat myself with the ambivalence I see others suffer from themselves every day.
I choose that level of discomfort. I only mildly complain today, as it's gotten dramatically better, about doing things alone and never having anyone to hang out with. Byron was my go-to spot for killing time or hanging out. Not once in my free time have I said, "You know, fuck my boundary, let's hang out there!" How could I look myself in the mirror? How could I advocate for you establishing better boundaries with people in your life? How could I ignore what I would characterize as gleeful and willful defiance of doing "better" than playing out battered-wife excuse making? I will not play-act friendship with someone who can't be bothered to work as hard on themselves or in service to me as I've been for them. That's not the kind of friend I am, so it's not the one I'll let back in lightly.
What's normal, though? No matter how bad someone fucks you, forgive and pretend to forget, right? They're "family." Life's too short. It is what it is. They didn't mean to or weren't aware. That's not who they were in the past. Holding grudges is unhealthy. Your insecurities around being isolated or alone betray you. Your obligation to play along and appease your mutual network takes over. Whether any real healing or mutual understanding comes into the equation is perfectly mute because we need to just move right along and "love each other."
I watch that dance justify literally every conceivable level of atrocity. It is the exact same self-servicing motivatedly ignorant pattern. From your god's behavior right on down through your secret satisfaction and smirk at punishing your pet a little too aggressively just that one time. What you don't account for counts on you to carry out its consequences. And you are, every day, in big and small ways, and it's predictable and fixable, but only with stuff like this. You have to own it. You have to "yes, and" like it's an improv class. You have to perpetually entertain the thought that you are a misguided monster, but that fact doesn't have to dictate your behavior going forward nor need to illicit some special amount of stress or talking in circles.
Then you might have a prayer of genuinely helping anything, because you see how you're otherwise fucking it up within yourself. You can resist the insistence to move past meaningful details. You can point to specific repeatable demonstrations of your values. You can see other people responding to your confidence of relatable recognizable capacity, and not the shadow game of peacocking virtue signaling and mantra echoing.
I will spend thousands of dollars, use all my tools, and spend every waking hour I have trying to help. I think most people I've met would say the same thing. Who is actually doing so? And in service to whom? Do you trust what drives them? Do you see equitable put in get out dynamics? Or is it codepedence? Or insecurity? Or some noble story of infinite sacrifice and unconditional love?
I'm willing to set the conditions because I expect better than what's normal of and for myself. Were circumstances reversed, I wouldn't treat you as I've been treated, and most importantly, have the demonstrated behavior from myself to trust. I've spent the time and money. I've opened the conversations. I've challenged the mismanaged powers and privileges. I've risen to the challenge of creating circumstances that inch me closer to what I actually want or think is better versus what's expected of me. It never ends. Every second you pretend otherwise, you disappear, and I have to fit your abstract abdication into my specific constructs.

Heyyy @all, since a friend asked me how far I got in Genshin after playing for a while now, I wondered too. So I looked up some stats, took a few screenshots and now I'm curious how other (new) players progress, what are your biggest milestones yet, best loot-drops, craziest pulls, stories in general, or if you have some personal tips maybe?
As for me, I started playing Free 2 Play on 13.02.24 and here are some stats:

• Old Standard Team: Electro Traveller, Amber, Noelle, Kaeya, all 90
• Old 2. Team for Abyss: Dilluc, Collei, Barbara, Razor, all ~70 (got me to Abyss 10-3)
• pulled: Neuvillette, Kazuha, Arlecchino, all 90 (3x 50/50 won in a row, I'm worried...)
• pulled: Diluc, Skyward Pride and Qiqi from Standard Banner
• bought Bennett from Shop, 90
• obtained ~ 75k primogems (~ 45k left)
• had ~ 90 intertwined fates, wished 245x
• had ~ 180 Acquaint Fates, wished 212x
• 25.04.24 all Areas show 100% (not true 100% though, I know)
• Serenitea-Pot: 2x 25k points and Paradise Lvl 10, all challenges done
• 1029 Achievements without hunting them besides challenger-series
• 01.05.24 beat Abyss 12-2 (finally saw the last missing enemy-type🙏🏼) and made it to 12-3
• 75 Weapons, 1 gold, 49 purple, 24 blue, 1 grey (Starter-Sword)
• 210 Artifacts, 171 gold, 39 purple
• hit maximum of 1800 pieces 3 or 4 times while exploring iirc. Nearly everything what's left got filtered through: General Settings all turned on + edited Standard Filter Plan 1 (additional Main Affixes: Sands: ER, EM / Goblet: EM / Circlet: ER, EM, HB and Minor Affixes: Crit Rate, Crit DMG, EM, ER, including at least 2))
• farmed Artifacts with Condensed Resin: Noelle 10 runs, Neuvillette 10 runs, Kazuha 5 runs
• learned 165 Recipes, mastered 142 of them
• found 104 Tunes
• highest Crit DMG: 110.133
• Co-op Domains: 431
• Co-op stuff taken: 1279
• Wood collected: 5911
• Dyes created: 1198
• Furnishing Blueprints learned: 463
• Currency obtained: 45.988
• Fish caught: 2014 (all spots = ~ 500 fish per run so 4 runs)
• caught all jumping versions of them
• TCG Lvl 10, defeated all players on map, all challenges + all on hard
• TCG coins obtained: 231.550
• Crowns obtained: 21
• Crowns used: 2 on Neuvillette, 1 on Kazuha, 1 on Arlecchino
• for a month now helping others, because motivation for achievement-hunting isn't really here yet^{^}

I'm still planning on getting the first char I wanted to pull for after playing her story quest - Raiden. And as the second one - Zhongli. As for Starter-Pokemon I'm planning on getting Alhaitham next. Others I want to pull for: Navia, Wriothesley, Ganyu, Furina, Nahida And then, in my dreams where I still have primogems left: Ayaka, Yelan, Itto, Xiao, Shenhe, Eula and Klee.
My personal biggest Milestones: - got all the crystalflies including the coralfly💙 - finished all available Quests - Map Exploration Rate of 100% - Only missing 4 + 1 Hydroculi and the extra Electroculi - Made it to Abyss 12-3 - Earned 6 Gold-Medals in Vibro-Crystal Application😎 ( the difficulty was not even comparable to all the other events I took part in😅) - Saved the "unplayable" account of a friend on WR 8 with 24 artifacts in total and struggling with lvl 70 enemies in only 3 days, obtained 40 wishes and got her Arlecchino as a 'overnight suprise' next time she logged in🤭
Next one: - Finally beating Abyss for the first time
And my biggest Fails: - although logged in 7 of 7 days, I did not claim Day 6 and through that missed out on 5 Intertwined Fates...💀 - because the season ended and max weekly xp were reached, I bought a season-pass rank up for 150 primogems to get a wish worth 160. Only to being able to claim a seasonal challenge ten minutes later which bypassed the weekly xp limit and got me the rank up anyways...🤦🏻‍♂️ - allowed a player in chat to join my teapot and got infected with his excitement and happines over getting accepted and finally finding someone so close before reset, so I then quickly entered it myself because I wanted to know what he was so crazy about - without realizing I just kicked him before he could even send a request...😂
Sooo, that was my journey so far, how are you all doing? Ah btw, in case someone still has not redeemed these yet, here are some free codes I posted last week: https://www.reddit.com/Genshin_Impact/s/0t5oSaJcYB 🍀

First, for the starter -- I haven't followed any one specific "recipe", however I did what appeared to be the general formula -- 50g flour, 50g filtered water. Feeding was daily, using between 25 - 50g carryover, and feeding 1:1:1. After a few days I was feeding every 12 hours. But I never really get much more than 10% rise after feeding, although plenty of bubbles popping at the surface (and some visible through the jar).
Started with AP unbleached flour, but alternated in some whole wheat (from a bag I've had sitting here for about a year), and picked up fresh organic Dark Rye flour to mix in too. Been doing kind of random (the dark rye I've mixed with AP, as it is a bit expensive and a small bag).
After 8 days, I still decided to go for it, did a bulk feeding the get it to 130g total, used 100g, had 30 carryover. Mixed 500g flour with 350g water, let it set (I got called into a work meeting, and lost track of time, I think it set for 1.5 hours instead of 30 minutes). By the time I mixed the salt and levain in, the dough felt like sting cheese. Mixed it the best I could, did several stretch & folds, and a few hours later went to shape it and proof it. But the dough felt really wet, couldn't get it to hold its shape hardly at all. Put it in the proofing bowl anyway, and about 4 hours later it still hadn't risen much, but the poke test seemed to come back ok. But it still wasn't holding its shape that well when pulled out of the bowl.
Shaped it the best I could, got it in the hot crock pot, didn't get hardly any oven spring, finished cooking, but when I cut into it I had somewhat normal looking crumb of what you'd expect (some holes were .5 - 1 cm large, a bunch of holes like those on a sponge, etc). But connecting the holes were really dense pieces of dough that looked like yellow wood glue. Amazingly enough, the loaf was still edible (I ate half that first night).
Now on to correcting the problems. Every since that first bulk of of the starter, it seems almost dead. I've gone back to putting in about half rye, and switch to bread flour, still not doing much. Temp is around 74F - 78F. Now 4 days later I can see bubbles in it, but no rise. Is this because I'm only keeping 30g carryover, and with 1:1:1 I end up with 90g of fed starter? Is that too small for this stage? I'm keeping it in a pint-size wide mouth (straight side) mason jar, so I have roughly an inch or so in the jar.
Now I did an experiment. Every since the 7-day mark, I've been saving my discard in the fridge, but for 60g discard I've been adding to it another 30g flour and water (so about half what a starter feeder would be). Just to keep the discard from starving to death. Yesterday I took out 50g of discard, fed it in another jar 1:1:1, to get a second starter going, and after feeding that again this morning (discarded this one down to 50g, so I end up with 150g total), and it has already bulked up by about 60% (still not doubling, but doing much better than my original starter).
If this keeps working after a couple more feedings, I think I'm going to commit my original starter to the discard jar, and use this new one. Once I get a consistent doubling then I'll go ahead and throw this one in the fridge, as I plan on baking about 1 loaf a week.

Content Warning:Mentions of Child Abuse & Gore
They called me a colic baby, meaning I was a seemingly healthy baby that was distressed for an unknown reason. The fits of crying mostly dissipated by six months, but they'd crop up every now and then into toddler-hood. When I became capable of babbling a few words, I would summarize my pain in a few words: belly hurt. Belly HURT!
My parents didn't have much money, but they took me to the doctor for a checkup anyway. After running a physical exam and blood test, they determined that I was merely an excessively gassy little girl and should probably eat a more gut-friendly diet. They also prescribed some medicine which would eliminate the gas and relieve my pain.
It was from that moment on that my parents gave me the nickname "Gas Girl" (which I despised). The name stuck for several years, and anytime I'd get a little stomach ache my mom or dad would say, "uh, oh. It's not Gas Girl returning, is it?" I'd glare at them with my arms folded and pout, saying, "I'm not Gas Girl. I'm Wonder Girl!" My parents would share a look, then burst out laughing. Just as I was about to shout a retort, my dad would open up his arms and bend down in that familiar pose which signaled liftoff, and all my childish rage detached like a racing sticker as I leaped into my dad's arms and he flew me around the living room shouting "Who is it? It's Wonder-girl! Here to save the day from Gas Girl!"
Anyway, just as the nickname wore off, the pain returned. I was about 7 or 8 when I had my first big episode. I was in second grade, and the class was cutting out shapes. The pain came on so suddenly I remember lurching back and falling out of my seat. The next few hours were a blur of adults: my teacher, the nurses, the principal, my parents. I remember how cold and alone I felt despite being surrounded by grown ups, and my stomach hurt so much I was crying pretty much nonstop.
My dad bought a bunch of OTC medicine to try and settle what he thought was a really bad gas episode. My mom laid at the side of my bed and did bicycles in the air with me. Hours passed in pain as my adolescent imagination conjured up images of an evil little elf blowing thousands of bubbles in my belly. I consciously pictured myself popping them, but every time I did, more were blown. My dad scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next morning, and my mom stayed at my side until I was able to fall asleep sometime late in the night.
I dreamed vividly a horrific nightmare. I was strapped to a black, metal box. A surgeon donning blue scrubs with white gloves and a mask entered the space in my peripheral vision. The air was cold but crisp, as if every bit of dust had been scrubbed out of existence. I could feel my breathing, my heartbeat, even my skin. The doctor stepped forward and I could see the distortion of a smirk in the folds of his mask. I expected him to say something, to tell me what he wanted, but instead he lifted my shirt so my belly was exposed. "It's cold", I said in a mumbly voice. He lifted his hand in the air, and I saw behind it off in the back of the room was what looked like the glass wall of an aquarium. I was confused for a second, but only a second. The surgeon plunged his hand into my stomach like a spear, splitting through the flesh as if it were the skin of a ripe fruit. The previously silent man began to cackle like a maniacal villain as I nearly passed out from the pain. I felt his fingers swimming through my guts like parasitic worms. My body shook as cold sweat and blood began to ooze from my pores. I wanted to scream but I couldn't make a sound. I could only lay there, paralyzed, as the evil doctor explored my insides.
Somehow I lost consciousness in the dream, but when I woke up, the memory came flooding back, and I screamed with all the force of a thunderstorm. My parents skipped the appointment and rushed me to immediate care, but by the time we arrived, the pain was gone. I explained my dream to the doctor, but he said it was normal to dream up reasons for the pain. They recommended a CT scan to screen out the possibility of an ulcer or internal bleeding. Despite my parents' scarce savings, they agreed to run the test. However, something deeply entrenched in my mind thought of the dream with the surgeon and I protested. "I don't want a test!" I screamed. "But, honey, how are we going to know what's wrong?" replied my mom. "Nothing's wrong now. I don't want a test."
Looking back now on my persistence, it should have been obvious that there was something wrong with me, but my parents, who were thinking of their finances, allowed themselves to acquiesce to my demands. The pain would continue into and throughout my teenage years, and the one benefit that I can credit to it was that it taught me how to endure pain and hide it well before puberty started. Compared to my childhood cramps, period cramps were around a B+. Very bad, but not end of the world bad. However, they'd stick around more reliably, and eventually the two began to combine until I could no longer discern between them. Occasionally I would have a nightmare and wake up with a pain that was a little higher in my stomach, almost approaching my chest, but it would always disappear by breakfast time, and the chaos of a teenage girl's life would once again reassert itself in the form of an outfit that didn't look quite right or the memory of every word of a conversation with a guy I liked or how my teacher was out to get me. Basically, I had become normal.
And then two weeks after I turned 16, my dad passed away from heart failure. Apparently the stress from a paycheck-to-paycheck life in sales added onto a bad diet and a penchant for alcohol was a recipe for disaster. He was only 49. I was crushed.
The weeks and months following his funeral were filled with teenage anger and resentment. I directed most of it at my mom, who I held accountable for not being strong enough to step up and help with the bills. One day, when I was searching the drug cabinet for some painkillers to deal with some bad cramping, I noticed a new prescription for a drug with a really long name. I looked it up. It was an antidepressant. From that moment on I stopped giving my mom shit, but I grew a bit distant from her. I started spending a lot more time with my friends. I became reckless, adopting a drinking habit and unsafe sex practices. I smoked a bit but I didn't really like it. I guess I was just trying to find a way to move on, as naive as it was.
Fast forward to my present situation, and I'm a college student. A junior to be exact. I ended up scrounging up enough money from working two restaurant jobs to see a therapist on my own dime, and managed to make peace with my mom before leaving. We both talked out all of our trauma and cried together, and from that moment on, I haven't had a drink. About six months ago I got on the pill. I was starting to see one guy consistently and I wanted to be safe, but also I wanted to know what it felt like to not have stomach cramps anymore. It was freeing. I remembered my dad lifting me up into the air as a child, and I figured it kinda felt like that. I still cry thinking about him, although I don't let anyone see.
Anyway, about a week ago I started having really bad pain again, but this time it was in my chest. I would wake up in my apartment (I share a 3-bedroom with some friends from the college) with heart palpitations. My heart felt like a snake had wrapped around it and was trying to choke it out. The pressure would give way to a burst of fast ba-dum's, then settle, then start again. I remembered my dad's prognosis and started to get really scared, so I scheduled an appointment with the on-campus doctor for the next day through the online health platform.
They told me that chest pain is no joke and scheduled to have me scanned at a nearby hospital. This was four days ago. My boyfriend, Kevin, drove me there even though I said I'd be fine going alone. I think I already knew our relationship wasn't going to work out long term, so I was kind of checked out. I felt bad about it though because Kev is actually a really good person, but our personalities just don't match. He's very introverted and doesn't like to go out, whereas I thrive in group settings. Anyway, he drove me and I ended up getting an X-ray. The doc came in to share the results and I was immediately put off by the dubious expression on his face.
"What do you mean the images are blurry?" I asked.
"Well, it's just… that. They're blurry. It's very unusual for this to happen unless you have a pacemaker or some other device implanted. Do you know if you have something like that?"
"No, never," I said with a quaver in my voice. For some reason I thought back on my childhood dream with the surgeon and felt the urge to vomit.
"Well, let's run a CT scan and see if we can make anything out." He soothed.
Normally the CT and MRI dock was booked for a week out but the doctor happened to have an open space for me that same morning, so I waited about an hour and then got in the big tube machine that took pictures of my chest and abdomen. He said he should have the results by Thursday. That was Yesterday.
I was driving onto campus for my 9AM class when I got the call.
"Hello, this is Dr. **** calling for Josie **** ." (names redacted for privacy reasons)
"Oh, yes, this is Josie," I said and fit the phone between my shoulder and ear as I tried to find a comfortable posture."
"Yes, hello," the male doctor said in grave way which made me feel like this wasn't going to be a short call. "I wanted to see if you were available to come in today for some more tests."
"More tests?" I asked. "What about the first ones?" Images of blocked heart valves and cancer presented themselves on my mental screen.
"Yes, well, I wanted to discuss the results with you in person. There was a bit of a … well, an inconsistency, and I didn't want to upset you—"
"Upset me!?" I blurted, my free hand flying out over the steering wheel, swerving my car toward the curb. I corrected, then lowered my voice, "sorry, I don't mean to be …" be, what? This is completely absurd. "Could you at least give me some indication of what's wrong with me? I'm just kind of panicking here."
The doctor was quiet for a moment, then returned. "Sorry, Josie, I didn't mean to spook you. Both the X-ray scan and CT scan are picking up interference which is unusual. It's possible it's just a flaw on our end, so that's why we wanted you to come back in—to do an MRI and really verify what the issue is. This one would be free of charge and we'd get you results same-day as we feel bad about the issues with the machinery. Do you think that would be possible?"
I took a deep breath. I still felt uneasy, but at least now there was some kind of explanation I could lean on. "Okay, yeah, I can come in. I have class until 9:50AM, but I can drive over after and be there around 10:15, 10:20-ish. Would that work?"
"That would work great. We'll see you then."
I spent the whole of my communications class thinking about what could be wrong with me, doodling my ideas down on a notebook. Heart disease. Cancer. Some kind of peptic ulcer. Maybe it was the pill? The drinking? Was this some kind of cosmic retribution? I didn't know.
An hour later I was back at the hospital. I expected to be ushered into the MRI prep room, but instead I found myself in one of the normal patient rooms, sitting upright on a bed. The nurse did the preliminary height and weight measurements and medical history. I asked about the MRI, but all she said was that the doctor will discuss that with me. Before she left, she handed me an assessment to fill out. It seemed to be a list of questions about the medical history of my family, specifically about our mental health. Does your family have a history of Schizophrenia? Have there been any instances of domestic abuse? Did you have vivid nightmares as a child? Etc. I marked the boxes, then set the clipboard down.
At last I heard the fated knock on the door, and my doctor came in holding an Ipad. The door was only open for maybe a couple seconds, but I could see multiple nurses and technicians peeking their heads in my direction, as if they were trying to catch a glimpse of me. That can't be good.
"Hello, Josie," the doctor said and clicked on the little TV screen. He didn't even look at me. I could see dried sweat along his hairline.
"What's happening? I thought I was going to get an MRI…"
"Well, actually we aren't sure if that's the best course of action." the doctor said as he clicked the screen and pulled up a series of images.
"Can you look at me, please?" I snapped.
The doctor raised his head and tilted it in my direction. His mouth was agape, his eyes wide as if only realizing I was here at that moment. "I'm sorry, Josie." He took a deep breath, preparing some kind of canned presentation, then let it out and said, "It's just easier if I show you." He pulled up the first global image from what I presume was my CT scan. It was a front-shot. I could see my organs as little geometric shapes and—
"Wait, what is that?" I asked, pointing at the screen.
"That—is the problem."
I spent the next minute just staring at it. Somehow, in between all of the organs, there was some kind of cylindrical mass—I thought it was my spine at first but quickly realized it was too wide and there weren't any vertebrae—and at the head of the mass was, very clearly, a hand.
"What the fuck is that" I said in a tone that was at once forceful and pointed.
"It appears," the doctor started, looking away again. "It appears that there is a mechanical hand in your chest cavity. It's attached to a piece of a forearm that begins at your stomach, here," he pointed, "and continues up until, well, it appears to be holding your heart."
Ten seconds passed in silence. Then I was hit with the equivalent of the laughing gas they give you at the Dentist's office. All the blood in my body surged to my forehead and I felt light as the very thin hospital air. "Hahaha!!! You expect me to believe that? What kind of fucking clown-show hospital is this? Am I at the circus?' I stood up and started toward the door. The doctor body blocked me.
"Please, Josie, that isn't it."
"Oh?" I said sarcastically. "Please, do tell."
"Could you have—oh, okay, okay,, let me explain."
I stood there with my arms folded, unrelenting.
"When we first had you do the X-ray there was a big blur. It was clear that something was blocking us from seeing the image. The CT scan was able to take some actual pictures of it. I know it seems, well, unusual—"
"Wait, what the hell is that?" I asked, gesturing toward the clipboard.
"What?" The doctor looked disoriented.
"Those questions. Are you trying to insinuate that my mom and dad implanted some kind of mechanical hand in my body?"
"No," the doctor raised his hands. "We were just trying to gather some more information… Josie," the doctor said as I once again headed for the door handle. "Please, there's more. From the blood test we conducted it seems that you're pregnant."
I was so done. "I'm on the pill, asshole." I sneered and swung the door open, ignoring the sets of eyes trained on me as I scurried to the end of the hall, ran outside, and climbed into my car. I expected to see a bunch of people in white coats running after me, but there was no one. I started the car as tears began to stream from my eyes. Fuck them, I thought and sped out of the parking lot.
I couldn't return to my apartment. I ended up driving for hours, working my way back to my hometown. I spent a long time thinking about all the things I had experienced growing up. The stomach pain, slowly working its way up to my chest. The vivid dream of the surgeon feeling around my guts. Was it really that crazy to think my body was trying to tell me something? Why had I decided against having a CT scan all those years ago? Why now? I didn't—couldn't believe what was happening to me. But was that just because I didn't want to believe it?
And then there was the pregnancy. I was definitely on the pill. I knew it wasn't Kev's, or at least I was pretty sure it wasn't. We haven't been having sex for a little over a month now. But did that mean that something else didn't impregnate me? My paranoia was at its peak. I considered the possibility that maybe it was me that was Schizophrenic. None of this made any sense. I wanted my dad. I missed him. I considered going to see my mom, but despite making up with her, I still didn't feel close enough to her to own up to everything. I wanted to be alone—needed to be alone.
I ended up getting a Motel about 10 minutes away from my house. It was around 1AM when I finally opened the door to my room and laid down on the bed. After hours of thinking, a single thought occurred to me like a kind of defense mechanism: if I really am pregnant, I'm not keeping the baby. I want it out.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard the notification sound go off on my phone, which was odd since I was sure I had set it to vibrate. I turned and grabbed it, unplugging it from its charging dock. I had received a text message from an unknown, 5-digit number: 66669. This is what it said.
66669: If you terminate my baby, I will crush your heart.
***
I haven't been able to sleep since. It's now 6AM and I've drafted this as a cry for help. Please, let me know what you think I should do. I'm too "in it" to see the details clearly. I feel alone and scared and paranoid. Someone or something is watching me. Maybe it has been my whole life.

Posting to help myself process the climb and provide thoughts for others thinking about Denali unguided on minimal experience. Open to thoughts and critique from people who know what they're doing. I'm obliged to thank all those who provided their thoughts and guidance to me on this subreddit a year ago. Also, to the guidance from Steve House and the other guy in their YouTube Denali video.
TLDR: Did not summit, learned lots.
It was a great idea... We trained pretty hard in the flatlands... We bought lots of good gear... and some not so good..... We were optimistic.....And realistic, we thought....
But... man, oh man. Denali is BIG, Alaska is BIG. And Talkeetna felt very small after 24 hours.
First alert was assembling our food. We drop shipped almost all the food to our hotel in Anchorage. We got in about 9pm, got everything from the desk and walked over to Wal Mart for the rest. Started packing food into daily rations about 10pm. We thought that would take 30 minutes. Try close to four hours, confusion, second guessing ourselves and each other on quantities, days, recipes. Got to sleep much later than we thought. We both worried that we'd be tired, maybe too tired for when we were dropped off on the glacier the next afternoon. HAH!!
Met Gary the shuttle driver the next morning. Watch some other TRs on YouTube and you'll get to know Gary, friendly, outgoing with good info about Talkeetna. We arrive on time, go through check in and somehow we got bumped out of our Ranger meeting. Come back later and we'll still have time to get to our flight. Did I mention it's overcast with light rain? Go through the ranger meeting, head over to TAT to find that we're 76th and 77th on the waitlist with. "Come back tomorrow at 8am for an update." Two guys we met on the shuttle actually make the plane that day because they understood the process with TAT and were all set to go after the Ranger meeting. Guy at TAT checks us in and takes our $$. No other info is offered or asked for. We're aware we need sleds and wands but we guess they just go on the plane with us.
We find the TAT climbing hostel and are grateful to find two bunks in the same room. My buddy is, not germophobic, but he is right up to that line. We eat at a restaurant that night, figuring, hey, 7 climbers per flight, 11 flights, mid afternoon tomorrow right? We check in at TAT at 8am, they're making waffles and have actually great coffee. But they have no idea if there'll be any flights today. Wander back and forth from the hostel, through town to the airfield. This is day 2 of 16 days we've given ourselves to go up. At day 16, no matter where we are, we go down.
Day 3, repeat day 2 but now we're using the hostel kitchen. I'm cool with the level of hygiene because this is only a level or two beyond how I grew up, when things got chaotic. I'm impressed with my buddy's fortitude, and grateful because I don't want to pay for food when it's already been bought. We hear good news that afternoon about the weather. Buddy suggests we get an AirBnB for this night to get a good nights sleep and clean shower before we likely fly out the next day.
Day 4, the weather starts to clear and now there's real activity at the airfield. My buddy, who doesn't sit still well, joins a group of workers at the airfield digging a trench. I sit on the deck, breathing deeply and hoping we can get out today. Then we get word we're up soon. Then I ask, hey what about sleds and wands? Find out climbers should get this arranged right after check in and we scramble around getting this set up. I grab a sled without looking it over well. As we and our gear are being driven over, I see this sled has some serious cracks and swap for a better one 10 minutes before we fly out.
The flight up is amazing. The transition on the glacier is hectic, a short controversy about which mountain can belongs to who and we get off the landing strip quick. We find a spot to set our tent a fair ways up the hill and get to work melting water for dinner and the next day. Take my skis out in order to prep for tomorrow and find the front straps of my skins have torn and are irreparable. I walk around camp, find a guy who's leaving who sells me his skins for $50. Can't believe how lucky I am. I walk around and get pictures, bury, wand and gps tag our cache. I'm blown away, I'm alive in a way I've only experienced a few other times in my life. I'm excited to get going in the wee hours of day 5. Plenty of days left, right?
Get up and going on time. Feels so good to be hauling the sled, carrying the pack. Going down is helpful. Going on flat and climbing isn't bad. I am working harder than my buddy(MB) from here on. He's 20 years younger and places top 5 in regional ultras, I'm a caboose guy at these. Anyhow, I feel like I'm holding him up, like he's disappointed in our pace. We arrive at 8K camp 8 hours later. MB points out that successful groups do this in 6hrs. I'm reply I'm working at a pace that I believe gets me to 14K in good shape, and what else did you want to do today? Ends fine, we each accept where the other one's at. Set up camp, Denali Pizza (simple and awesome) for dinner. Melt water, pull out the gear, food we'll cache at about 9.5K tomorrow. Good day, amazing as clouds lift a bit and we see more terrain.
Day 6, realize we're not eating 2 bagels each per day. We've over planned with bagels and several other foods. Too much weight but unsure about how to move things around. Lighter packs, lighter sleds and the first real climb. We do good work, talk a bit to teams coming down, most not having summitted. Bury, wand and GPS tag our cache. Tie empty sleds to our packs and head down. When we get to the real down hill, it's trashy, flat light, and I'll own this: I was rattled being off balance with a bit more weight and bulk going down. Got in my head and took some time to descend. MB frustrated or just me in my head? Got back down, did camp work, napped, ate dinner.
Day 7, push up to 11K. Snow picking up and visibility still good. I'm slower than MB again, and even though this is a fact we're both well aware of since we talked about Denali 3 years ago, it's in my head and won't leave that I'm holding us back. We start up the first real climb into 11 camp. Wind blown snow is making wands hard to see, we're using his Garmin to verify the route. The skins I bought at the airfield don't cover the width of my skis at the tips and tails. As we're taking an aggressive elevation gain on switchbacks, I'm slipping more and more with less skin to snow contact. We crest the rise and hike through the camp to find a spot at the uphill end. We begin setting up camp. I mention looking forward to having a kitchen tent now that we'll be in the same place for 3 days. MB basically says, go ahead but I don't think we need that and I won't be part of digging it out or setting it up. I get started probing an area, setting the outline of the dig and then realize this will take me hours and give up. Dinner, melt water, discuss tomorrow's back hauling. I propose we boot down from 11 camp and put skis on at the base of the climb and MB seems okay with it.
Day 8, wake up to heavy snow. Dig out our enclosure and have breakfast. Put more food we didn't eat into the "carry forward bag" which is getting heavier by the meal. Dig out again, and again, and again. Mid-afternoon we start getting weather reports through garmin in-reach texts with a guy back home and from other teams and guides. Consensus in 6 more days of this but up to 48" per day. I run the math: 8+6=14. Hmmm: 16-14=2. Then I run the flights per day math and number of teams we've seen descending, number of teams likely to descend with this forecast. My math says we could be stuck here 6 days and at the airfield for that or more. All for 2 more possible days of ascent. MB disagrees and wants to wait it out. We walk through various scenarios and I hold firm. MB agrees we'll go down because we both agreed if one wanted to go down for any reason, that was that. MB is a guy who holds to his word in this and all aspects of life.
We pack up. Fast...and sloppy. We want to fly out tomorrow. I'm not excited anymore, I'm anxious and want off Denali. Not be in a tent for two weeks in snow. We boot down the hill below 11 camp, put on skis and find our cache at 9.5, combine stuff. I get my stuff packed well. We start down. The track is blown in and we are navigating entirely by Garmin, using the standard route. Not reversing our climb up, which followed the visible track and wands. Are we actually on safe snow? We're both thinking that question but not saying it out loud. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm in front setting the track so MB's sled has something to ride in. If he's in front, his sled tips over. He's calling directions to me for the route, "Left...more left...rightish... too far."
We head down the last hill into 8 camp. I allow my sled to be in front of me and steer it like reins on a horse. Snow plow, keep it slow and things are moving along fine for me. MB wipes out over and over. Repacks his sled and gets down the last 200 yards well. We ski right through 8 camp. Someone asks if we're headed down and then says that if we call in to the airfield from there, we're already in line. True or not, we're finishing this in one push. Visibility is still about 15 feet but now we have a track to follow. We're both cautious with the downs. Don't know if we need to let it rip to go up again or if there's a corner we need to be slow for. We get to the airfield in 9.5 hours. Dig up our cache and consolidate our gear.
MB decides he'd rather not cowboy camp with the fly and we set up the tent and go to sleep. Up at the appointed hour and get in the flight queue. The guy says he'll give us plenty of notice so we can take down our tent, IF we fly out today. I am now watching every cloud for signs of building or diminishing. A few planes fly in, circle and leave. We're napping on and off.
Then I hear the guy yelling, "that's your plane". It's being loaded. We're 200 yards away in our fully set up tent, pads and bags. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. I go down and ask "what happened?" "I don't know, two guys snaked your flight." Talk a bit more about other stuff, what he's been reading, we're into some similar literature. He then guarantees we'll be on the next flight that comes in, whether today or tomorrow. I'm listening for airplanes full on now, just want to get down and be off the mountain.
We do get on a flight that day, get a hotel and move flights and shuttle to fly out of Anchorage tomorrow. I walk down by the river and call my wife. "Honey, this will sound weird, I need you to tell me I'm really off the mountain and not dreaming." This helps a lot.
We make all our connections and fly out, get back home the next day. If you got this far, thanks, I guess. It's cathartic to write all this down. I replay this trip or parts of it every couple weeks even now. MB and I did our repair work and still call, text, hang out, run together when I'm in town. I do not regret going one bit, yet not getting further up still hits me hard. My fears and reaction to niggling discomforts on the mountain tell me I'm weak.
If I did it again:

1. No skis on Denali for me. I'm a competent skier and can get down serious stuff out west without embarrassing myself. A pack and a sled skiing down through crud with low visibility? Snow shoes all...the...way.
   
2. 4 people, not two. Enough guys to set up a kitchen tent, split camp duties into smaller tasks. I need a place to spread out, talk, cook and eat in a comfortable position.
   

2A. Allow way more time, a month total.

1. Better conversations about pace and relative speed well before the trip.
   
2. We did ropes work, simulated crevasse rescue, camped out in -10F. More time winter camping and skinning in the woods together.
   
3. MB and I climbed Mt Adams. We summitted Rainier together unguided in 8/2022. Took a 3 day custom guided mountaineering class in 12/2021 to learn skills. Didn't go above 7K in the class. Handled our shit well for two days. Not enough time to really know what we're in for physically and work through team frictions about pace, leisure time, camp life. Maybe we could have climbed Rainier and Baker on the same trip? Maybe spend several days at Camp Muir and summit twice? Climb Rainier early season?
   
4. Guided if I try again? Maybe.
   

I read this back and the inner critic says, "I'm a whiny bitch", just like when I am thinking about it every couple weeks. If I go back it can't be about that, not trying to prove that voice wrong. If I go back...it'll be because of that alive feeling I got on the airfield glacier, to have it again, to avail myself of a second chance to live a dream.
Thanks for reading all this. Part confessional, part TR.
I feel better.

Hello,
I'm 25M and have recently started dating (women) again after being single for the past 7~ years focusing on myself following a bad relationship. I'm a virgin, and it's important to me that it's the same for my partner. Outside of that, I don't think I have particularly high/unrealistic standards, and the only other standards I wouldn't expect everyone to have are I am exclusively interested in long term relationships, I want children eventually, and I do not find overweight men or women to be physically attractive.
For myself, I think I'm reasonably desirable. 6~8/10 looks, 5'10'', good physique (though no abs), educated, accomplished, good job/career prospects, 100k~ savings, confident/not socially underdeveloped despite being a virgin.
Do I stand a decent chance at finding who I'm looking for? Or realistically, is it a recipe for dying alone. And for the record I live in California, so most people here treat sex very casually, and most of my friends had sex for the first time before graduating high school. The exceptions are usually for religious reasons waiting until marriage, which I'm not opposed to, but I'm not religious myself.
Additionally, considering that virginity is a dealbreaker for me, should I put that desire on a dating app profile? On the one hand it's good communication and I would hate to lead someone on before discussing an important dealbreaker, but on the other hand I know for some people it's very personal and for instance I'd never ask upon approaching someone in person, and I know some men fetishize virginity and/or pursue women with limited relationship experience with malicious intentions so I want to avoid presenting similarly.
Any perspective or advice on my situation is appreciated.

Hello,
I'm 25M and have recently started dating (women) again after being single for the past 7~ years focusing on myself following a bad relationship. I'm a virgin, and it's important to me that it's the same for my partner. Outside of that, I don't think I have particularly high/unrealistic standards, and the only other standards I wouldn't expect everyone to have are I am exclusively interested in long term relationships, I want children eventually, and I do not find overweight men or women to be physically attractive.
For myself, I think I'm reasonably desirable. 6~8/10 looks, 5'10'', good physique (though no abs), educated, accomplished, good job/career prospects, 100k~ savings, confident/not socially underdeveloped despite being a virgin.
Do I stand a decent chance at finding who I'm looking for? Or realistically, is it a recipe for dying alone. And for the record I live in California, so most people here treat sex very casually, and most of my friends had sex for the first time before graduating high school. The exceptions are usually for religious reasons waiting until marriage, which I'm not opposed to, but I'm not religious myself.
Additionally, considering that virginity is a dealbreaker for me, should I put that desire on my profile? On the one hand it's good communication and I would hate to lead someone on before discussing an important dealbreaker, but on the other hand I know for some people it's very personal and for instance I'd never ask upon approaching someone in person, and I know some men fetishize virginity and/or pursue women with limited relationship experience with malicious intentions so I want to avoid presenting similarly.
Any perspective or advice on my situation is appreciated.

Transitioning from being a cook to an online virtual assistant or freelancer in the food industry can be an exciting journey. Here are some top opportunities and tips to help you navigate this shift:

Top 10 Opportunities in the Food Industry as a VA/Freelancer

1. Recipe Development Assistant - Assist chefs and food bloggers by developing and testing new recipes.
2. Food Photography and Videography - Capture appealing food images and videos for clients’ websites and social media.
3. Nutritional Analysis Services - Offer macro and calorie calculations for recipes for health-focused blogs or meal prep businesses.
4. Cooking Class Coordinator - Organize and manage online cooking classes or workshops.
5. Food Blogger’s Assistant - Help with blog management, content creation, and social media management.
6. Menu Planner - Provide meal planning services for busy individuals or health and wellness websites.
7. Social Media Manager for Food Brands - Manage social media platforms by creating and scheduling food-related content.
8. Culinary Content Writer - Write articles, blog posts, and e-books about cooking techniques, food trends, and recipes.
9. Customer Support for Food Tech Companies - Provide online support for startups that offer food-related apps or websites.
10. Food Market Researcher - Conduct surveys and gather data on food products for market research firms.

Tips on Transitioning from Cook to Online Worker

1. Identify Your Skill Set: Reflect on the skills you have developed as a cook that can translate to online work, such as recipe development, attention to detail, and time management.
2. Learn New Skills: Acquire new skills relevant to online work such as digital marketing, content writing, or basic web design.
3. Start Small: Begin by taking small freelance gigs that require a mix of your current skills and new ones you are developing.
4. Network: Connect with others in the food industry online through platforms like LinkedIn or Instagram.
5. Use Free Resources: Utilize free online tools and platforms to learn and showcase new skills, like using Canva for design or WordPress for blogging.

Creating a Portfolio as a Career Shifter

• Record a Cooking Session: Film your cooking process, focusing on clear, high-quality visuals and concise explanations.
• Edit with CapCut: Use editing software like CapCut to refine your video, add captions for clarity, and insert appealing background music.
• Create a Recipe Book: Compile your recipes into a digital book format, including high-quality images and detailed instructions.
• Design Nutritional Social Media Posts: Use graphic design tools to create visually appealing posts about nutrition tips or macro breakdowns of recipes.

As you embark on this transition, remember that the skills and experiences you have gained as a cook are invaluable and can differentiate you in the digital world. Embrace continuous learning and stay adaptable to new trends in the food industry. Most importantly, keep your passion for food at the heart of all your endeavors. It’s this passion that will resonate with your future clients and help build a successful online career.

Hello, I am new to muzzle training. I have a scavenger and I am extremely worried about the cicada situation. I'm 100% sure he will try to eat every cicada dead or alive he sees, which could apparently be up to the millions. So I decided to try and muzzle train him before they start spawning out of the ground.
He already has an aversion to muzzles because they usually put one on him at the vet to check his paws.
I've been taking it slow, first just treating him for touching the muzzle with his nose. The first problem I had was that he is VERY food motivated, so he gets overly-excited as soon as any sort of food comes out. So he started seeing it as a game, like boop the muzzle—treat. Boop the muzzle—treat. I thought at least he is motivated, but as I progressed to holding the muzzle just a little longer (not buckling), he would already be really hyper-aroused (not scared but excited), and start flailing. I dont know how to have him calm while i do the training, because he is so eager for the food. (He is like this in any training, which is great for learning, but for this, not that great.) At first he would flail to get the muzzle off, but after a little more training, he realized he will still get treats through the muzzle, and stopped trying to pull it off.
So it's been ~two weeks, and we've been able to buckle the muzzle now, and he's very eager still to be fed the treat through the muzzle. I've only been doing very short sessions with walking with it on, like down the driveway and back. The issue that I'm facing now is that he won't pee or poop or sniff. He's either very focused on me (in working mode), or trying to get the muzzle off. Like I'll put the muzzle on him, and he's fine, very attentive to me as we walk down the driveway, and then when I use his command "go sniff" or "go potty" he'll break attention and immediately start rolling in the grass to try and get the muzzle off. As soon as I call his name, he will stop and be attentive to me again.
I guess I must have done something wrong, and now I'm not sure how to walk it back. Do I start over? Is it too late, and have I screwed my dog over on learning how to wear the muzzle properly?
I also have to take him to the vet soon and they will likely muzzle him, so it will only add another bad experience around it.
Also, how often should I do the training? I've been doing it once a day for ~5-10 minutes, so as not to over-do it. Should i be working with him on it every time we go outside? (Not have him wear it, but just train for a few minutes and then put it away and go about the walk.)
(Side note: A similar thing happens when he has to wear an e-cone after a procedure; e.g. he won't pee or poop or sniff when he's wearing the cone. After his last dental procedure I got so worried that he wasn't peeing, and then the vet said did you try taking the cone off, and he immediately peed.)