Male
17 years
Long hair tabby/main coon mix
Wisconsin
After effects from anesthesia not wearing off
It's been 60 hours
Stumbling, vision seems off, walking in circles one direction, left side weak
Last week I took out cat into vet because he was due for a vaccine, and mentioned that I noticed he felt thinner. We discovered that he lost 3lbs in the last year, which is alarming. He also slept alot more, but being an older cat, that's pretty normal. Otherwise he was still our same loving boy. Always coming to sit by us, give kisses, purr and even play a bit yet.
We did a blood sample and found out he had early stages of kidney failure, which isn't super surprising for his age. But also that vet didn't think that alone would have attributed to this much weight loss. It was suggested to go an ultrasound to see if he had any inflammation in his intestines that would cause him to not want to eat. In this case we could treat with steroids for a while. Also we were looking for any other concerns like a tumor. We strongly debated not bringing him in because it causes him so much stress to go to vet, and we considered just starting him on steroids to see if it would help. If indeed he had a mass or cancer we would not put him through any surgery or treatment at his age of 17 either way.
After that first visit to the vet, he almost stopped eating. Was it due to stress? We had had the ultrasound scheduled for the following week. We were not sure we could wait that long, , and we were worried so vet was able to get him in earlier. I was second guessing this decision because the stress it causes him, but we reluctantly decided to just bring him in for scans. At least then we would have answered and know what we can do for him.
We did discover that he has a liver mass and inflammation. So we're doing steroids for that, and otherwise the plan was to just monitor him close, knowing that we would appreciate the time we had.
The big problem now is, he must have had a bad reaction to being sedated. Upon brining him home he was unstable and falling down, boy i was not that concerned being that he still had anesthesia in his body. It was the second day it got much worse. He is weak on his left side, occasionally falls and bumps into things and only pretty much walks in clockwise circles. It seems like he can't see well and when he sleeps, he sleeps upright with his head turned to one side. Both his left legs are not working right. He's still eating and drinking ok and purrs occasionally, but we're going on over 60 hours from anesthesia and he's still not back to himself. We're unsure of how this will go. We're still hoping that he will improves from this. His other concerns were there, and we planned to manage them, but this new problem of being unstable is the hard part. We can't help but feel guilty that we put him through that.
Has anyone had this experience? I know my cat has alot working against him right now. But if he was still able to move around like me was just a few days ago, I know we would still have some time left with him. Will this wear off? We are so upset that this happened and strongly regret taking him in for his scan. Given his current state, I do not think we would stress him out and take him to the vet. I'm just looking to see if anyone has experienced this and if there is hope he will return to normal mobility.

I love the way they filmed the shots in this show so much. It really takes you out of your life and into the moment that they're trying to portray. For me,
I loved the drone shots of HW running across the bridge in ep 6 and ep 14. Goose bumps.
The part where he's walking up the stairs before their makeup kiss also in Germany.
The divorce reveal.
The cathedral scene with the door used as an arc to frame them. How the colors they picked matched their outfits and the mood. Both times when they're going thru something heavy, their couple outfits are black.
Hae In following his bus. I felt like I was falling in love with her.

I have a call in to the dr office, it’s about 20” off the floor and she landed on the rug. No bump. She cried. I cried. I gave her the pacifier and she calmed down then she took a bottle. She was born Feb 23 at 29 weeks so is only 4 days adjusted since her due date was May 10. She’s 8lbs. I’m freaking out. She appears to be acting normal but I’m not ok 🙁 I feel terrible. I barely turned my back and saw her fall when I was coming around. What should I be looking for? I’m just really freaking out.

Hello, I've been lurking this sub for several months now while trying to secure a family doctor and I just wanted to share some of my experience.
After attending the ER a couple of times last October, beleiving I had been having strange seizures episodes at work and struggling with loss of memory, I finally have confirmation. After a 3 hour, sleep deprived eeg, at age 37, i have confirmed "grade 4, genetic generilized epileptic tendencies,"... no doubts, I have been managing this my entire life.
My family doctor is trying to bump up my neurology appointment so I can start medications as soon as possible. I was also recently diagnosed with Graves Disease and will be completing a sleep apnea test due to symptoms and a genetic predisposition to that as well. Its been a hell of a journey and I wouldn't say im happy but I am grateful to finally have an explanation for many, many of my odd life experiences and struggles.
I have been learning for the first time, that they sometimes manifest as vocal automatisms and are followed by posticle amnesia, so thats fun. I don't go unconscious or fall, but I have no clue what has been said. If they happen in clusters I loose memory not only of the seizure event, but also the entire day. Social interactions can generally confuse me and I have always tended to avoid them, I'm a typical introvert, though I have always worked customer service roles, somehow. I have also been an on and off insomniac my entire life, and have always struggled with chronic fatigue and excessive day time sleepiness. This confirmation explains so friggen much.
I hope that medication will help me be more normal, and am hoping that they don't take my license ... please not for long, if it has to be :( Time will tell, fuck that part is going to suck. Thanks for listening.

My septum is long healed, I got it in fall of 2021 and it healed very well, haven’t had issues since. Barely ever had the infamous septum smell this whole time, obviously as it was healing I did and for a short amount of time last year and currently it’s kinda back. But I’ve been having a weird stabbing/stinging kinda pain on the inner left side I think right under where the actual piercing goes through. It feels just like when it was healing and it’d get the crusties which made it hurt when the ring got moved a little (idk if that makes sense). I don’t see or feel any bumps and it doesn’t really hurt when I touch the area w/ my finger, just when the ring moves a certain way. I’ve also made sure there wasn’t anything on the ring, cleaned rings and piercings and tried other rings. Has anybody else had this issue? Or does anybody know what it might be from or what I could do about it?

Just as the title above states. I’ll be honest. My relationship is toxic. I think it’s abusive. But idk if I can admit it to myself. There’s been a lot of issues. We were off and on until I ended up pregnant. I think I’ve been checked out for a while. Just because of the little things I’ve notice. Almost every remark he makes about me is a negative thing or making fun. He says I’m too sensitive. Maybe I am. Maybe I focus too much on the little things. When I was pregnant he didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day. I got home maybe expecting a little something since I had gotten him some chocolates earlier because I had to work that day. But there was nothing. I’m ashamed of myself for even staying this long. For even being in this relationship from the start. But today, really hurt. My wrist is broken from a slip and fall and we have a 1 year old. He has had to take over basically ALL of the child care because my wrist is messed up. I have 2 more weeks in the cast. He decides now is the time to job search and get another job. He did a phone interview today, got the job and told me he started tomorrow at 10am. Disregarding the fact that my wrist is still broken and in a cast. I can’t change diapers at all. I asked him how is that going to work? He said he would pay and get a nanny but when I asked him who was he going hire, he said he didn’t know. I said i didn’t understand why they couldn’t wait until I at least got my cast off. Or why he even decided to job search. He didn’t consider me at all, I feel when making this decision. I just feel like at this point he doesn’t even love me. He tolerates me. Maybe I do the same thing to him. I just am afraid to end the relationship I guess. I got myself stuck in a position I’m not sure how to get out of.

Aurors blasted their way into Umbridge's house and found her hiding in a small, hidden room by using the spell Homenum Revelio.
She was surrounded by dozens of plates featuring cats and had rows of neatly stacked tins of cat food, which she appeared to have been eating for sustenance. In the corner of the room was a litter box. Oddly enough, however, there were no actual cats to be found.
The Aurors quickly disarmed her, magically bound her, and hauled her off to the Ministry of Magic to be placed in a holding cell until she could be arraigned.
Two days later, she was brought before the Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shackelbolt, looking slightly unkempt and tired. The entire Wizengamot, which had been noticeably thinned out since Shacklebolt had removed several members for their own crimes and/or bribery, was also in attendance.
She looked around the room and tried to find somebody who could be either an ally or someone to whom she could shift the focus, and therefore, possibly, the blame. Finding no one to fit such a criteria, she fixed her face into a contrite image and looked around at the people who were there and pled for mercy. When it became apparent that mercy was in very short supply for those in her position, she immediately claimed to have been under the Imperius Curse.
In an instant, Minister Shacklebolt's composed disposition shifted from being reserved to completely unfriendly. In a short, clipped tone, completely opposite of his typical warm, soothing, deep voice, he gave her the option to either take Veritaserum right then and there or she could go for a psychological evaluation, which was to be conducted at the Janus Thicky Ward at St. Mungo's.
Umbridge balked at the thought of being stuck in "lunatic land". That was, of course, until the Minister mentioned that being stuck under the Imperius Curse for such a prolonged time, as she was claiming, could have some serious effects on her mind. She quickly decided to keep up her pretenses and immediately agreed that she should "at least be checked out by a professional healer."
Shacklebolt issued a two week recess for the Wizengamot in relation to her case. She began to argue the time frame when he gave her a sharp look and she furiously shut her mouth. He reiterated the two week time frame and continued on to say that when they reconvened, they would hear the Healer's testimony regarding her claims and mental status.
Two Aurors, Savage and Williamson, had taken post on either side of her. Savage held her by her left arm while Williamson pulled out a white handkerchief. He secured her right hand in his and then Savage took hold of the other end of the handkerchief. As soon as he did, the portkey activated and deposited the three of them into a secure room in the Janus Thickey Ward.
After a brief intake, Healer Ashborn entered the room to remove the newest resident's personal clothing and effects and to have her put on hospital issued clothes, which were a drab, dingy grey colour. Umbridge pinched the material between her forefinger and thumb before raising it up to eye level and informing the Healer that she refused to put on something so colorless and disgusting. Healer Ashborn donned a nonchalant smirk and informed her that if it was not done willingly and swiftly that she would have no other choice but to Evanesco her personal belongings to the hospital rubbish bin and charm the hospital clothes on with a sticking spell for good measure.
Less than 2 minutes later, she was dressed and being escorted by the Aurors to her bed, which was surrounded by silver framed dividers with pale blue cloth to block the view of the neighboring beds.
As the Aurors turned their attention to make some notes on their paperwork, Umbridge made a sickly sweet noise as she cleared her throat. "Hem-hem. Am I not being given a private room?" She let out a childish giggle.
The Aurors looked at her incredulously, then at each other. Finally, Auror Savage spoke up, "Private rooms are not given to possible war criminals."
Scowling, Umbridge scoffed loudly and said, "Well, I never! I will be writing a letter to the Minister of Magic about this."
Auror Williamson spoke up then, "You think we don't take our orders from the Minister regarding this? You writing a letter won't change anything."
"How dare you! I am Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister -"
"Not anymore, you're not " Auror Savage said coldly, effectively cutting her off. "You are a person on trial for war crimes and a provisional resident of the Janus Thicky Ward due to your claim of being cursed. Now, you have been magically bound to be within 5 feet of your bed, meals will be brought to you, and a member of the staff will escort you to the lavatory. You are not permitted to have a wand and that cuff on your wrist is a magic binder. Since we have completed our duties, we shall now take our leave. The Chief Healer will see you tomorrow morning. Good day, Ms. Umbridge."
She pointed a finger at them while trying to maintain her calm and hissed "Now see here. You cannot just leave me here with all these crazy people, especially while bound with no magic." Her right eye twitched.
Auror Williamson raised his eyebrow at her while he took out the white handkerchief. He held it out to his partner, and, after Savage had taken hold, he activated the portkey without saying another word and they disappeared.
Umbridge sat down onto the rather thin mattress and listened as the springs shrieked as though in agony.
Well, at least I'll be using a real toilet instead of that litterbox, she thought to herself. This will be like a nice vacation. I can order my favorite meals and have some nice wine while I relax.
At that moment, Gilderoy Lockhart popped his head around the partition. "Hello," he said with a big smile and in his shmooziest of voices. "I see you're new. Nice bracelet...." he trailed off for a moment. Coming back around, he added, "Don't mind the bed. They all shriek a bit. Well, not mine, of course. I just had to smile at it a couple of times, aheh. Now it sings to me."
She narrowed her eyes while feeling even more flustered than before. "Why are you here," she spat.
"What a stupendous question. Eh...," he started but clearly began to mentally wander again.
"Can't you manage a simple straight answer," she snapped.
"Well, you see... I simply can't remember." He let out a light chuckle and pulled his eyebrows slightly together while pasting on his best grin. Why not? After all, it worked for his bed.
"Yes, well, be sure to maintain your distance. I won't have you loitering about my space. Move along." She waved him off.
She promptly learned that her stay was going to be nothing like a vacation; no favorite meals, no wine, and certainly no relaxing.
As the days wore on, Lockhart managed to finagle his way into her area for most of the day - everyday. One day he was particularly on her nerves after having rambled on and on about a dream of a very large snake and falling rocks.
Umbridge, losing control of the situation with such an utter nitwit, suddenly burst out in her annoyance. "Enough, Mr. Lockhart!" Later that day, she ended up scratching herself nearly raw due to a mild case of hives.
As hard as she tried to keep her sanity about her, he just seemed to suck it away from her. It was almost as though the more insane she felt, the saner he seemed. Could it be that he had devised a way to steal her sanity and replace it with his insanity? She became more and more leery of him as the days went by until, at one point, a near frantic paranoia set in. She spent the rest of that day completely sedated.
She begged the staff to be moved, but Cheif Healer Pye said they could not due to the restrictions placed by the Auror Department. She ordered for Lockhart to be switched to a different location. In that instance, Healer Pye said that he would not as it could disrupt Mr. Lockhart's frame of mind and treatment, causing him to relapse. She pulled her hair, stomped her feet like a petulant child, and screamed until she was Silenced and magically bound to the bed to keep her from hurting herself.
At the end of the two weeks, Umbridge found herself magically shackled and standing in front of the Minister and the Wizengamot once more. The Chief Healer was also in attendance and reported to the court that while he found absolutely zero proof of her ever having been under the Imperius Curse, he felt it was best that she remained in custody whether at St. Mungo's or Azkaban, as she was a danger to herself and others due to her mental instability.
Umbridge let out a small giggle as the Cheif Healer finished speaking. Minister Shacklebolt turned his head back to face her, catching her smile before she could mask her face. He narrowed his eyes at her and asked if she had anything to say. She quickly donned her saccharine smile.
"Thank you, Minister. While it may be difficult for some people to understand all the hard work and pressure of working at the Ministry, I, for one, am ready to stay the task to get the job done. I shall be ready to resume my official post as Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic in two days time. Of course, I will need to completely redecorate my office as I'm certain that whomever has been occupying it has completely destroyed -"
"Madam." Shacklebolt had cut her off. He was done hearing her rubbish as she tried to take control of the situation. "You will not be reinstated in any sense to any position in the Ministry. You will, however, be able to enjoy your cell at the now dementor-free portion of Azkaban."
"How dare you!" Her fake smile and childish voice dropped away.
Any members of the Wizengamot who were not completely sure of her guilt nearly got whiplash with how fast she changed her demeanor. Many people began to whisper to each other about rumors they had heard that they now believed to be most likely true. She continued to glare at Shacklebolt.
"After everything I have done and sacrificed for the Ministry. After all the lying, magic-stealing mudbloods I sentenced for the sake of our world. How dare you think for one minute that you can just send me off to that dilapidated cesspool; that disgusting hell hole?!" She had began in a directed, hushed yell and finished in an irritated, huffing screech.
As the court witnessed her continued outburst, they whispered even more to each other. Shacklebolt patiently waited as she further unraveled while admitting to more crimes.
She finally cracked and shrieked out to the room. "Quit your whispering about me! I have done nothing but rid these disgusting mudbloods and blood traitors from among us! ORDER! Listen to me! I will have order!" She began pointing at different Wizengamot members who had opposed the corrupt Ministry while it was ran by Voldemort's puppets.
Having heard enough, Shacklebolt banged his gavel on the podium. The Wizengamot became completely silent as Umbridge continued to screech "I will have order! I will have order!"
Shacklebolt then picked up his wand and cast a Silencing charm in her direction. Umbridge's right eye twitched away as she continued screaming her Silenced "I will have order" chant.
The Minister looked to the Chief Healer and asked if Azkaban had a mental ward that was suitable for Ms. Umbridge. He responded to the affirmative. Umbridge was henceforth sentenced and taken to the mental ward of Azkaban.
Within a week, she had lost her privileges to use utensils, as she had used one to draw a rudimentary cat on her wall to which she was often observed speaking.
"Cordelia, you must bathe yourself. I refuse to have you in my presence whilst unkempt. I will have order." Her eyes glassed over and she stared at the wall without really seeing it as she continued to repeat, "I will have order. I will have order. I will... have......order."

Hi everyone! I’m at 125+ at my current PB studio, but over 150 total classes, and I am hitting a wall. I feel like suddenly I’m falling backward in my progress. I’m struggling to stay in planks, use light weights for arm sections. My knees, ankles, wrists, and shoulders hurt with almost every move. Of course my doctor was dismissive of this because I’m “too young” for arthritis 🙃
I’m trying to switch things up from not just Classic and Align. I’ve done Empower and Define (doing Define tonight!). My studio still offers Reform, so I take that when it’s offered.
I am struggling to want to go to barre, and I’m really sad since this has been truly the only exercise I’ve enjoyed. Anyone have a pep talk for me? I don’t want to be a quitter, but man am I struggling.

Kingmaker: A Game of Thrones in Brevoy
System: Dungeons & Dragons 5e
Format: Discord Text pbp
No. of Players: 5
[Notice: This is a 18+ campaign. It contains NSFW and adult elements.]

The same message has appeared on bounty boards and in taverns across Brevoy.
HEROES WANTED!
Those able of body and brave of heart are invited to the mansion of Lady Jamandi Aldori, Swordlord & Chief Defender of Restov, to embark on an expedition into the Stolen Lands.
Bandits and monsters have been allowed to infest our southern borders for far too long. Those selected will be divided into groups and given a charter to reopen old trade routes and secure the surrounding territory. The brave-hearted mercenaries and adventurers who choose to take on this quest will face unimaginable danger, but whomever succeeds shall receive honor, glory, and a noble title granting dominion over the lands they've claimed to pass on their children.

For generations, the Stolen Lands have spanned the southern border of Brevoy. Many attempts have been made to settle them, but to date, none have succeeded, making these 35,000 square miles of wilderness the largest swath of unclaimed land in the entire region. As tensions mount in Brevoy, one ambitious swordlord hopes to change that fact.
Lady Jamandi Aldori is issuing charters to several groups of adventurers, sending them south into the Stolen Lands to reopen old trade routes and defeat the bandits and monsters who have made them too dangerous to use. By sending free agents south, this swordlord of Rostland hopes to alter the political balance of power in Brevoy without sacrificing her own position or forces. Yet, as with most complex and brilliant plans, the future holds plenty of opportunities for disaster.

"When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground."

Hello! I'm a longtime DM and a huge fan of A Song of Ice & Fire. I'm looking to run a campaign that's heavily influenced by the series I hold so dear. If you're a casual fan who's only seen Game of Thrones or House or the Dragon, you're more than welcome! The main things I'm looking for here are quality roleplay and enthusiasm. If you've got that, I promise we can have a good game together.

"Winter is coming."

Kingmaker is an Adventure Path originally designed by Paizo for the Pathfinder RPG but has been converted to be compatible with the 5th edition D&D ruleset. I'm taking so serious liberties with it but the bones of the adventure remain the same. Kingmaker is a high fantasy campaign that thrusts the player characters into a unique situation of building their own kingdom and carving out their own niche upon the world. You may be a scion of a lesser branch of the great families with ambitions that can't be hindered by your place in the succession. You could be a commoner whose witnessed your humble community suffer at the hands of the lawless bandits pillaging the countryside and will take on this great challenge so your family can live free. Perhaps you are a bastard child of a powerful figure and now seek to carve out your own kingdom knowing that you stand to inherit nothing you don't build for yourself.

"When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives."

I've got a couple of expectations for the characters that will be brought into the adventure. I am looking for characters with reasons to have a desire to venture into hostile territory and work as a team to build a kingdom. Good or evil doesn't matter but chaos doesn't serve to further the group. So, no chaotic alignment will be allowed. This is not the campaign for chaotic evil players looking to betray the other players, loners or free-spirited vagabonds.

"Backstabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight, and that's all the realm is now. Backstabbing and scheming and arse-licking and money-grubbing."

Political intrigue is a pillar of the series inspiring this and a big part of my plans, but in order to keep charisma from being everyone's primary stat I will be using a reputation system to even the playing field when dealing with individuals of consequence. In certain circles, a knight renowned for their honor and bravery is going to be as respected and influential, if not more, as a traditional face will be anywhere else. I think this will do a lot to allow the party to have a proper balance of classes with no one feeling handicapped in the social aspects.

"Let me give you some counsel, bastard. Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you."

You may have noticed the tag, and the catch is: This is an adult only game, featuring erotic roleplay where characters can engage in sexual activities with no fade-to-black, etc. Lewd events, plans, consequences, and more are all on the table in this campaign. If you've watched either of the shows on HBO, this probably isn't much of a surprise to you. I'd like to be clear that just because it's on the table, this game will not become a raunchy, never ending orgy. There is usually meaning behind how sex is used in the series and that's what I'm looking to emulate.

"Distrusting me was the wisest thing you've done since you climbed off your horse."

GRRM often uses the intimate scenes to peel back layers to a character. Sometimes to paint them in a different light, other times to drive them further into the role he wishes to present them to the reader in. Some examples would be Tyrion's lingering trauma and emotional vulnerability, driving him to purchase the closest thing he believes he can have to real love being a way to earn Tyrion the reader's sympathy. Contrast that with Cersei's narcissism making her seek lovers, she can view as idealized male versions of herself, the only match worthy in her deranged mind. Or how Littlefinger justifies his pitiless ambition, being something forced on him by a cruel and unfair world that's kept him and his one true love apart by no fault of their own.

"Love is the death of duty."

PCs are encouraged to find and nurture romantic relationships with other characters or NPCs. Weddings are considered the truest way of sealing alliances, after all. Beyond the love lives of the characters, there are many other scenarios. A corrupt noble might be willing to trade information to carry on an affair on their spouse. A sex scandal could undermine the legitimacy of a claimant in a contested succession. Barbarian raiders may attack a village under your protection and take the women as slaves. Spies might attempt to seduce you in order to secure a position in your court and feed information to a rival house. A neighboring tyrant might earn your ire when reports of him abusing his authority to take advantage of an unfortunate captive or innocent reaches you.

"The things I do for love."

Because I'm sure it needs to be said. ERP will not be my main focus while running this; it may or may not even happen on my end. I'll already be responsible for the story, so trying to match everyone's taste in smut on top of that might be biting off more than I can chew. That being said, I'm all for your characters sharing a tent during the long weeks of adventuring because I think a good amount of sexual tension adds player investment and fun to the story. While I'm not promising anything, I'm not firmly ruling things out on my end either. You all could charm your way into a few NPC's pants to loosen a secret from their lips or secure a favor down the road. You might decide to blow your coins on prostitutes while visiting the capital. If the scene serves the story (or I'm just feeling horny that day), I may indulge you! Just wanted to make sure you're aware that just because I am open to ERP does not mean I'm making a commitment to provide it to everyone, expecting all players to take part in it, or putting it ahead of the actual campaign in any capacity.

"There are no other men like me. Only me."

If it's not apparent by now, I'm very serious about making this game something great. I love the ASOIAF books; I love the adventure path; I love the cRPG, and I desperately want to do justice by all three influences. Expect a bit of gritty realism and tragedy in this story. Your triumphs will be hard fought. Your holdings will face constant peril. Your enemies will always be lurking with their knives out for the moment you drop your guard. However, the rewards for your success in this campaign are unlike any other. I truly don't think there is another adventure that matches the sense of accomplishment that comes from taking a stretch of hostile wilderness and carving your own thriving kingdom from it.

"Power resides where men believe it resides. No more and no less."

A little bit on my approach to DMing this. I plan on running this very differently from traditional D&D 5e. Combat is obviously what the system does the most of, but if you've ever watched GoT or HotD you'd see the main characters don't draw their swords all that often. In fact, a lot of the main cast never have their own fight scenes. I like this less is more approach a great deal and think it'll bring a lot to the pbp experience. Outside of encounters with a named enemy, I won't be using initiative. This is so the RP isn't held up by any individual's schedule. I'll also be utilizing the minion rule from 4e where all the monsters have 1 HP. Their AC remains the same, so if you have trouble hitting them, the danger remains but low damage rolls won't cause encounters to drag unnecessarily.

"Hard truths cut both ways."

Matching the tone of the books this campaign is inspired by will take collaboration. I want the heroes of this story to have lives that involve more than their swords and spells. If you’re just looking to roleplay a non-stop fantasy porno, this isn't the game for you. But if you are interested in writing a character who is enriched by getting to explore their desires, be influenced by lusts, make compromises out of attraction, and maybe even experience heartbreak if their trust and affection wound up in the wrong hands-- then you're exactly who I'm looking for!

"If I do not press my claim, my claim will be forgotten. I will not become a page in someone else's history book."

If you can't be bothered to respond to the RP for days at a time, I'm going to kick you out! Plain and simple. I won't be reaching out. I won't be constantly giving you reminders. There will be no stoppages for you to get your shit together. It's a big world, and I'm not going to hesitate to find someone else interested in actively participating in the adventure if you go ghost. I understand that IRL always comes first, so if you have the common courtesy to reach out and explain your circumstances that prevent you from putting together a couple paragraphs every day, then I will still be replacing you, but I will move your character out of the story for you to pick up later on when you can. If you can't manage to let me know what's going on, then I'm just going to forget about you and move right along so everyone else can continue the fun!

"I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things."

My plan to be pretty rules-light with this campaign since while I run a lot of D&D, I haven't run that many text games. I'm still confident I can handle it, but I'm just throwing it out there in case there are bumps along the road. If you're more experienced in the pbp arena than I am, I'd greatly appreciate your advice as things are coming together. We will be using dndbeyond and the standard discord bots. In my experience, these games work a lot better when the story is put above mechanics, so keeping things to PHB races and PHB/XgtE subclasses. If you're looking to do some awesome game-breaker build you've theory crafted for months. This may not be the game for it. I don't plan on meticulously tracking things to make sure you get your sentinel feat trigger each turn.

“Oh, my sweet summer child, what do you know about fear?”

Alright! That's my pitch. Sorry you had to read all that, but hopefully you're still interested and can see I don't have a problem handing out paragraphs, so this game ought to be in good hands. I look forward to reading your applications and will be leaving the form open for the next week while I work on the discord server.

“The night is dark and full of terrors.”

So that was a lot, but any of you who are still interested please don't hesitate! I'll be happy to have you and look forward to playing with you. As well as hopefully some fun debates about who we're rooting for in HotD season 2 as it airs.

“There is only one god, and His name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: 'not today'.”

The application link is down below! I'm going to leave it open for a week so folks don't miss out. I will be checking it regularly, so if I find a bunch of folks I like over the first couple days, I'll reach out to them, but I'm sure we all know how these sorts of games go. People may drop out or prove unreachable, so even if you're not someone who hears back from me immediately, we might be writing together soon!
The Stolen Lands await you!
https://forms.gle/bnmHsUt2Qmq5D1jK8

Sorry this is long, but wanted to be thorough. Let me know your thoughts.
Growing up I had chronic ear infections, in high school I was constantly sick, frequently with what seemed to be bacterial infections. I got my first yeast infection when I was 13 before ever being sexually active. I also struggled with oral thrush frequently in high school. I've also never been overweight and my diet growing up was mostly very healthy due to my parents, but I had a really bad sugar craving. My period started around 12 and up until I started taking oral contraceptive at 16, it was very heavy and very painful with strong PMS. I've also struggled to fall asleep my entire life, I did not nap as a child and to this day I cannot nap unless I am very sick.
When I was 17yrs old (female), I went to the doctor with abdominal pain, extreme lack of appetite and nausea if I did eat, trouble sleeping, concentrating, fatigue, depression. At the time I had been on oral contraceptive for about 2 years.. They did a blood test and the results were:
Serum Iron - 198mcg/dL (reference range: 26-169) HIGH
Iron Saturation - 55% (reference range: 15-55%) ALMOST HIGH
Ferritin 29ng/mL (reference range: 15-77) Normal
TIBC - 361ng/dL (reference: 250-450) Normal
UIBC - 163ug/dL (reference: 131-425) Normal
TSH - 1.85 uIU/mL (reference: 0.450-4.500) Normal
T4, free - 2.1ng/dL (reference: 1.2-4.9) Normal
MCV - 97 cumicron (79-97) ALMOST HIGH
MCH - 31.6 cumicron (26.6-33.0) normal
Monocytes - 6%
At the time the doctor decided I had high inflammation in my body and put me on an inflammation diet and a lot of supplements (it was a functional doctor that my parents liked). It seemed to work after 3 months of strict diet and supplementation. I switched to a hormonal IUD in 2019. Throughout college I struggled with low energy and low mood and after a year of therapy was diagnosed with clinical depression by my therapist. I decided to not take medication for it. I've also been experiencing abdominal pain that radiates down my legs for multiple years. The abdominal pain was so bad I went to get checked for endometriosis last spring but they can't diagnose it without surgery, but the IUD is correctly placed.
Two months ago (24 years old) I went into the doctors to get tested for hypothyroidism since my mother had it and I had developed Reynaud's syndrome (I've always had very cold sensitive feet though) a month after starting adderall for ADHD and low energy (started in January). I had also been experiencing wrist joint pain, hair loss, and low appetite, but did not think much of it. The results were:
TSH - 2.510 uIU/m (reference: 0.450-4.500) Normal (higher than at 17)
MCV - 98 fL (80-96) HIGH
MCH - 33.3 pg (27.5-33.2) HIGH
Monocytes - 8.3% (0.0-7.3%) HIGH
I weighed 131 lbs then.
However, the Reynaud's was not improving and I was still experiencing symptoms of back pain and joint pain and abdominal pain. I also was losing weight and experiencing hair loss.
The rheumatologists tests one months ago came back normal with no sign of autoimmune disease. She said the reynaud's is probably just the adderall increasing my blood vessel spasms. (my blood pressure was low for someone on adderall however: 100/65).
I weighed 123 lbs then.
Then I went to another doctor, two weeks ago, when I kept experiencing random muscle weakness and fatigue, had blood in my stool (which I had again today), joint pain in multiple joints and lower back pain and abdominal pain and pain in my sides near where the ribcage ends. Something is wrong. She took more blood tests and they came back with:
Serum Iron - 175ug/dL (reference: 27-159) HIGH
Iron Saturation - 67% (reference 15-55%) HIGH
Ferritin - 58ng/mL (reference: 15-77) Normal (higher than at 17)
TIBC - 263ug/dL (reference: 250-540) Normal (lower than at 17)
UIBC - 88ug/dL (reference: 131-425) LOW (much loser than at 17)
TSH - 4.05 uIU/mL (0.45-4.5) Normal (Almost double the past tests)
T4, free - 1.51ng/dL (0.82-1.77) Normal
APTT - 37 sec (reference: 24-33sec) HIGH
MCV - 96 cumicron (79-97) ALMOST HIGH
MCH - 32.5 cumicron (26.6-33.0) ALMOST HIGH
monocytes - 8% (0.0-7.3%) HIGH
This is not all the results but they are the most constantly high or changing ones. We also ruled out Addison's (my grandpa had it) and autoimmune markers are all coming back normal. I'm thinking I get checked for hemochromatosis. Any other thoughts or ideas about what the problem could be? I have stool samples being run right now.
Thank you.

Hey Sportsfans — it's time for Week 7 of baseball Power Rankings: These baseball numbers have been forwarded directly from Manfred's office. They are accurate and caanot be questioned.
Every voter has their own style / system and the only voting instructions are these:

"To an extent determined individually, you must take into account how strong a team is right now and likely to be going forward. You must, to some degree, give weight to the events and games of the previous week."

TRANSPARENCY: This link will show you who voted each team where and has added neat statistics!
Check out the Auxilliary Post for added statistics and fun!
If something is a little messed up, feel free to pester me let me know.
Total Votes: 30 of 30. Another Perfect Vote!.

#		Team	Δ	Comment	Record
1		Dodgers	0	The Dodgers started off a mediocre road trip by sweeping the Marlins in dominant fashion, followed by a sleepy series against the padres. My early season prediction of the Dodgers's infield defense being the biggest issue was completely wrong. Mookie looks natural at short, and Muncy has been playing pretty darn well at 3rd. We will be using our prayers this week to pray that Shohei is going to be okay	27-15
2		Phillies	+1	It's tough to end the week on a walkoff loss to the Marlins and feel good, but it's hard to complain about a 4-2 stretch. Nick Castellanos might finally not be the worst hitter in baseball after he says he started treating hitting like glorified batting practice again. Ranger Suarez has arguably been the best pitcher in baseball, pitching to a 1.5 ERA and an astounding 0.72 WHIP with team wins in each of his starts. Somehow this performance isn't even all that surprising for a guy with a 4.18 ERA last year. He was this dominant in a half season between the bullpen and rotation in 2021 and has a career 1.62 ERA in 7 postseason starts and 2 relief appearances. This week: another weird scheduling quirk as they play a 4 game set against the Mets with the first two at Citi Field and the next two in Philly before the Nats come to town for a 3 game series.	28-13
3		Orioles	-1	I was hoping the Orioles would go 5-1 this week but they went 4-2. Still nothing to be super upset about. I think the main concerns right now are Mullins is hitting under .200 and Santander still not hitting the way he can. Yesterdays game was just not great so hopefully it was just a one-off and can be flushed and they move on. Blue Jays and Mariners are in town this week so it doesn't get any easier.	26-13
4		Yankees	0	Our pitching is so good right now. Anyone in the rotation could pull a Glasnow and write their number on a ball for a cute girl, and she’d call. Doesn’t even have to have their name. She doesn’t care if its’s Nestor Cortes or Clarke Schmidt. Yankees starter? She’s calling, and she’s shaving her legs beforehand. If we signed Pete Davidson for some spot starts there'd be a second baby boom. By the way, my nickname for Clarke Schmidt used to be Farte Schidt. He has very much made me eat my aforementioned schidt this year, and officially has the second-best starter ERA behind Luis Gil, as we all predicted. In other news, Judge and Stanton both have their pop at once, Soto is doing what Soto does, and Verdugo is playing sneaky good right now. We also officially took the season series against Houston 6-1, which feels GREAT. If only they were a playoff team so we could finally bounce them this year. Oh well. A Yankees-A’s ALCS it is.	27-15
5		Braves	0	The walk off loss hurts, but can't be too upset with a 4-1 bounce back week! Big time perfromance from our SP. Giving up only 4 ERs in 23.2 IP (1.52 ERA) in these 5 games. Our bats are not what we have come to expect, but that can't last much longer. Signs of life from Acuña and Olson and continued performance by Ozuna. If by the end of May we don't see massive improvement to our offensive numbers, I will be surprised. Until then, buckle up because the offense is coming.	24-13
6		Twins	+3	Another great week, Sausage be praised! We took series from the Blue Jays and Mariners with both blowouts and well-pitched close games. I think it's safe to say that the team has found its groove, and this is how the Twins can be expected to perform moving forward. The only blip has been that the bullpen is having a slight slump, but that will even out shortly.	24-16
7		Brewers	0	Paul Who? The only starting pitcher debut I care about is BOBBY GAS who threw 6 innings of 2 hit, 0 run ball in a win against the Cardinals. He fills a much needed spot in the Brewers rotation, and likely would have been up sooner if not for an injury of his own. Rhys Hoskins also had a monster week, racking up 3 HR and 9 RBI in hist last 5 games. I had my doubts this young lineup and shaky rotation actually could be a contending ballclub over 162 games, but I'm not going to argue with the results.	24-16
8		Guardians	-2	Another bad week. The Guardians had rough series against the Tigers and the mighty World Champion favorite White Sox. This coming week, we play the reigning World Series champs and the hottest team in our division. I'm not worried. Not at all.	25-16
9		Cubs	-1	The Cubs went 3-3 this week in what felt like a complete microcosm of their season. While they did get Justin Steele, Cody Bellinger, and Seiya Suzuki back from injury, they lost Dansby Swanson and Yency Almonte, who had been a rare reliable bullpen arm. Christopher Morel also had a scare after tweaking his knee sliding into sexond, but fortunately is alright. Otherwise, the offense remained inconsistent, the starting pitching was outstanding, and the bullpen was abysmal at worst and heart-stopping at best. While he didn't continue his usual dominance against them, Ian Happ extended his streak of 62 consecutive games reaching base vs the Pirates. This week, the Cubs travel to Atlanta to take on the Braves before hosting the Pirates for 4 games.	24-17
10		Royals	+2	The Royals have a chance to be in first place by themselves this late in the season for the first time since 2016. It feels like a lifetime ago. Yes, it is just seven weeks into the season but hopes are usually gone by this point. Maybe this year can be different.	25-17
11		Mariners	0	Apologies for any typos, doing this from mobile is miserable. Not the best week, but given the pitching hiccups I can't complain too much. Woo is back (and hopefully staying back, him getting pulled was a bit of a scare.) The next few series are another gauntlet, and if the M's can make it through playing relatively well they'll be in a good positon to take advantage of their schedule for the end of the month and early June. Up next: 3 vs. Roy L's, 3 @ Oreo L's	22-19
12		Padres	+2	The San Diego Madres beat LA on both día de las Madres (friday) as well as Mother’s Day, wherein both we got great pitching performances from King and Darvish respectively. Arraez capped off the walk-off win on friday, and it was nice to see Bogaerts get one deep on Sunday. So far in ‘24 the Padres haven’t lost a series to the Dodgers, whether in LA, San Diego, or South Korea. It’s a bit cathartic, though I do wish there was less blue in the stands this weekend though. Really interested to see how they come out against the rocks, as SD was only able to split the 4-game series earlier in the season. This one lines up between the series’s vs LA and ATL, it could be a bit of a trap, hoping the Pads continue their series winning streak (which is now at 4) and just take care of business.	22-21
13		Rangers	-3	The baseball gods are unforgiving. Sacrfices have to be made and will continue to be made to the baseball gods. Oh dear baseball gods please forgive our hubris for thinking the baseball suffering was over. It was not but also, flags fly forever.	22-20
14		Red Sox	-1	The Sox have not been having a good May. Losing Casas has been brutal, and the expected bump in performance from Vaughn Grissom at 2nd hasn't happened (well, at least not yet). As a team we have a decent looking triple slash, but situationally they've been horrible. In high leverage PAs, the Sox are hitting .195/.264/.272 in 247 PAs. We have loads of talent, but there's always some issue whether it be defense or clutch hitting that holds us back from being truly competitive.	21-19
15		Tigers	0	The City Connects... phew phew phew. Looks like we got tire tracks laid on us after a truck ran us over. No thanks. I hate it... and that's not even mentioning the dumb hat. In terms of actual baseball, though, Tarik Skubal is still Skuballing. This week: 3 vs. MIA, 3 at ARI.	20-20
16		Rays	0	It was a .500 week for the Rays, and the good news is things are looking better, but only like maybe? Randy and Yandy seem to be coming back a bit; glancing at the lineup's batting avg in the game threads isn't painful anymore. Ben Rortvedt is over .300 in the catcher position which is unheard of for this team. The bad news is pitching is only bouncing back from abysmal to below average. A week against division opponents on the road will test if that improvement is here to stay or if it was just a new uniform bounce.	20-21
17		D-Backs	+3	The Diamondbacks have been winning more games of late but are still underperforming their Pythagorean record and are 3 games below .500 despite a +17 run differential. Reinforcements should be coming back from injury soon which should help.	19-22
18		Mets	-1	I prewrote a big and extremely negative blurb about the Mets getting swept by the Braves. That did not happen, Brandon Nimmo hit a walk off homer on Sunday Night Baseball immediately as I was about to close my computer. Never been so glad to be wrong. Bring on the Phillies and Marlins.	19-20
19		Nationals	0	Two large accomplishments for the Nats in the last week - 1) For the first time since 2021, the Nats climbed over .500 with an opening win over the Orioles in a 2-game series. 2) Patrick Corbin recorded a win this week vs the Red Sox (his first since 9/11/23 vs the Pirates). The Nationals quickly slid back under .500 losing the 2nd game vs the Orioles and then 2 of 3 against the Red Sox. James Wood is hitting everything in AAA (over 1.000 OPS) so there are lots of calls for HRCHU.	19-20
20		Blue Jays	+1	Very up and down week for the Cyrulean Winged Creatures of Ontario. A 1-1 split with Philly and a 1-2 tilt vs Minnesota extended a too-long stretch of not winning series. Turns out, the combination of bad offense and a bad bullpen is bad. But there have been some glimpses of hope, at least. Alek Manoah threw a gem on Sunday, giving up 0 ER and 1 BB over 7 IP with 6 Ks. Also, Vladdy is hot as shit right now; since the last week of March, he's been hitting over .400 with a nearly 1.000 OPS. Still, the Jays in general continue to underperform and hover just below .500. Mid-May is not the time to freak out and this team is in too deep to consider a full tear-down even in a lost year, but things will be getting worrisome if they can't pull out of this middling stretch that has defined the first quarter of the season.	18-22
21		Giants	+4	Believe it or not, the Giants had a winning week. They continue their flirtation with being a decent team. However, we would like the world to know about several issues	19-23
22		Athletics	0	Happy Mother's Day, say hi or I'll drop by. Rough week, our bullpen had some awful games esp w/ Kotsay's choices. Will possibly fall below the Astros this week as we play them along with the Royals, and unlike last year I don't think we're a better team than KC. Toro and Harris have been playing well with Soderstrom getting some reps in (A+ defense from them), but Gelof will likely return and change something there.	19-23
23		Reds	-5	What is the meaning of suffering? This question has stumped philosophers throughout the ages, but nobody has come up with an answer. On the opposite side of this, we have also been in search of evidence of the divine, and we’ve searched for it in things like the miracle of our world. But again, we haven’t found anything. What if we’re looking in the wrong place? What if suffering is the greatest proof of a divine presence? Suffering is an art. Perhaps the greatest art ever devised. Devised by who or what though? Some greater power looming over us all? Some great cosmic being who looks upon us the same way as we do ants? Some primordial consciousness created trillions of years ago in the Big Bang that’s been merely existing all this time and only gets enjoyment out of the suffering of others? How do we figure this out? Who do we ask? I have a suggestion, we can ask baseball fans. We are connoisseurs of suffering. Ask an A’s fan about the meaning of suffering and you’ll get your answer just by looking into their eyes. Ask a Rockies fan, or a White Sox fan, or even a long dead Expos fan. It’s weeks like this that make me ask why do people even like baseball. Why do I even like baseball? Well, I remember my grandfather, since I live in the midwest we always called him Papaw, and he was the biggest baseball nut I know. He got me into baseball at a young age, and I remember one day asking why he loved it so much. When I say he was a baseball nut, I mean he was a season ticket holder, bought all the merchandise, had books about baseball and biographies written by baseball players, he had all of it. He could tell you everything about the sport with ease. So I asked him why did he love baseball so much because at that time I found it boring, and you know I still to this day remember his response. He told me baseball is 3 hours of nothing happening, but when something did happen, it was the most beautiful sport god ever created. I loved that man. Anyway this is all a long way to say the Reds suck ass right now.	17-23
24		Astros	0	Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, especially yours. I'll visit her later, don't worry. The Astros continue to take 1 step forward and 3 steps back. Kyle Tucker is the man and we should extend him immediately. Our pitching is still mostly trash and no one deserves an extension.	15-25
25		Pirates	-2	Paul Skenes made his highly-anticipated debut on Saturday, and it was one of two games the Pirates won last week. And they only won that game after first blowing a 6-1 lead thanks to 6 (SIX!) walks with the bases loaded. At one point. Kyle Nicolas threw 12 straight balls with the bases loaded. The bullpen was so depleted that Nicolas had to pitch the next day after Aroldis Chapman gave up 2 runs and 2 walks in the 10th inning, only for Nicolas to give up another run on a wild pitch. The Pirates then hit a 2-run homer in the bottom of the inning and lost 5-4. So yeah, that's how things are going in Pittsburgh right now.	18-23
26		Cardinals	0	Bro, I'm straight up not having a good time.	16-24
27		Angels	0	Hot and then cold and then hot again, Jo Adell hit three homers this past week. With a wRC+ on the season now standing at 134 and a wOBA of .363, the next step for him is now maintaining a level of consistency. With a bottom-ranking farm system, his future may not ultimately be in Anaheim. The looming rebuild is going to be a long and slow process and at the age of 25, it is hard to see much point in keeping him if someone else starts looking his way.	15-26
28		Rockies	+2	We have the longest winning streak in baseball. We just swept the defending champs. I'm pretty sure that means Rocktober is coming. In all seriousness, the Rockies finally gelled for the first time this season. The Rangers didn't play poorly, the Rockies just played well. The concern now is what kind of "Coors Hangover" we'll see.	12-28
29		White Sox	0	The White Sox had a shockingly good week while clinching the season series against the Rays and winning 3 of 4 from the Guardians over the weekend. They have been playing objectively better baseball lately (which means that their 72 wRC+ season stat was at 84 last week, and their pitching has been middle of the league since the start of May). It's not much, but it's something. Myself, I'm excited to attend my first ball game of the year tonight. Of course, I'll be going to the Schaumburg Boomers home opener.	12-29
30		Marlins	-2	So the fish still cant produce runs but at least we got burger back. Luzardo looks much better in his return to the bigs but oof braxton garrett. Somehow miami managed to squeeze out a win this week against two top teams but well see how they do against the tigers and mets this upcoming season.	11-31

I turned 30 about five months ago, and everything seemed "pie-in-the-sky" to me until it suddenly turned to shit when I was non-renewed/fired as a teacher (wasn't given a reason), witnessed my fiancé having an emotional-affair with a classmate of hers, who also has the same name as me. Now she's taking the dog as she is moving out of my life, the dog I bought, but she paid the vet bills for. Some might view this as a clean-slate--a chance to reinvent. I am however still struggling with my mental health (panic disorder and severe self-esteem issues). I'm working out, but recently suffered a wrist injury, so I'll have to sit on that until it heals whenever that may be.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually moving towards getting a a place of my own and am both excited in terrified. I live in a small city, no more than 100K people, and already I'm wanting to jump back in the dating game--but I know it won't be healthy to myself and others if I'm trying to fill a void in my life with another person just because. My biggest fear throughout it all is loneliness. I met my fiancé after COVID, and prior to that, I was dreaded the isolation and the possibility I might die alone.
In the back of my head, I still feel like that fresh twenty year old guy who just went off to university and instead of becoming more independent, I've had to fall back on my parents as this biggest emotional and therapeutic crutch to help me along with this. Honestly, it feels infantile to rely on them so much. She was the greatest thing that had happened in my life. Now we're indifferent roommates, who both can't wait to leave the house we were renting for a one bedroom flat in the same small city. She's since had the guy over and I'm pretty sure they're banging when I'm not there. I know I shouldn't care--but the wound is fresh, so I do.
Now as a thirty year old male with a shitty relationship past, struggling to find a new job, I'm going to have to undergo some serious self discovery and find happiness in the best way I can. But for me, it's always been that way (hence my self-esteem issues). I'm overweight, bald af, and now have severe trust issues to go along with it. Now would be a great time for my hero-arch, as I'm trying to get through my day doing good things for others. It's really the only thing that makes me feel good any more--bringing happiness to others. Feels validating and reward.
Now that I'm alone at 30, I have
-forgotten how to make friends
-am timid about my own independence
-want to change for the better
If there's any advice you guys could give, or hell, sympathies, I would appreciate it.

As the world faded away into nothing but a dark void, Tom felt the only mildly familiar sensation of magic flowing like a gentle stream. It wasn’t much of a draw, but it was certainly noticeable.
“Right, best make this quick then,” he tried thinking to himself, feeling the flow peak as he did.
“Who is this? Make what quick?” an ethereal sounding female voice replied. It did sound a bit like how he remembered Joelina sounding. Though she did not exactly sound calm.
“Uhm… Hello? Anyone there?”
“Yes hello. Who is this? What must be done quick? Answer me at once!”
“It’s Tom… Is that you, Joelina?”
“Yes of course it is! Stupid dragons taking ages, I have questions for you! So many questiiioooonssss...”
“Yeah I figured that… Fire away I suppose.” Tom replied a little uncertainly as to just what he might be in for.
“Firstly! Did you read the letters?”
“I did yeah…”
“Disregard them, I have learned much since they were written! So much more yes, cursed blessed knowledge…”
“So you do know we have gone to space then?”
“What? No, I re-experienced the memory you had of the movie about the moon mission. It was evident on the second watching that it was trickery of the eye! Spaceflight is but a myth!”
“Riiight.”
“Then how have your kind visited space? And what of the gods above!? it was evident that the woman with the crystals was but a fraud!” Joelina explained with all the calm and restraint of a shoppingmall Karen
“Well the rockets to the moon, that did happen.” Tom attempted, doing his best to remain calm and diplomatic. “The movie you saw was probably a recreation… Tell me, did things go wrong on that trip but they made it home anyway?”
“Yes, do you know of what I speak? Ahr what am I proclaiming! of course you do it is your own memories, how could I forget.”
“Yea…, you watched a movie about Apollo 13 I think. Good movie, and that all happened too. Like for real happened”
“I see…” Joelina replied, sounding rather unstable. “And what of the gods?”
“We ain’t got any. Well not in space at least.”
“Impossible!”
“No, quite possible. Many still believe in gods though, but let’s not get into that too much. It’s a right old mess.”
“No, you must tell me what happened to the gods? Have they left you?”
“Well some think so, but no. I just think it all works a bit different for us. They might be a little more hands off.”
“But the churches… and these religious warriors you did battle with,” the inquisitor all but muttered to herself, sounding like she was struggling to put pieces together. “Do Jesus and Islam fight for power then? no no, they would have long since lost the battles to the ancient gods of war the teachers spoke of… though why they were always naked eludes me yeeees…”
“No, again we don’t really have gods just floating around... Could we please talk about something else? Or is that all you wanted to know?” Tom tried, hoping he really didn’t have to dive deeper into that particular subject.
“No no don’t you dare cut me off! I have seen what you talked of, nuclear fire and missiles, ships of the oceans and planes soaring in the skies. But is it not all fake? Surely it must be! It must be? It must be…”
“I don’t know what you saw… but we have ships sailing around. If you’ve ever seen flying ships like you have here then that’s fake I can assure you of that. We do have airships, but they look more like really big long balloons.”
“But we could make such vessels, or someone could from times past. If you can visit the moon then surely you can make a ship for the skies!”
“No no, we ain’t got grav oil. Or dragon essence as I guess it’s called. That means no anti gravity, and that means weight is a very very big problem for anything you wanna make fly. Planes and helicopters are how we fly. Remember how I flew to Afghanistan on a big ass plane? Or when I learned to parachute later?”
“What is parachute? is it the ham from your times doing, vacationing? what has dried meat products got to do with flying machines of battle!”
“Wooo easy now easy. I guess you didn’t get that far yet. Uhm. It’s a cloth kite you dangle from and then glide to the ground. Very good fun.”
“A cloth kite used to fly?... such strange inventions. Wait was there not a movie of with something of that nature? yeeee… there was a song. I liked that song… something something brains upon his chute. Yeesss…”
“Yeah… You’ll know it when you see it. I have one actually.” Tom clarified trying not to get too weirded out.
“You must demonstrate on a suitable occasion.”
“Yeah… I do have a question too though,” Tom replied, letting silence reign for a short time. “...Your last letter was in Danish.”
“Oh, uhm yes. I- I was having some difficulty separating what was real and what was not… I still am. Do not tell Glazz, she musten know the truth yet. She seeks to limit my excursions.”
“You’ve ended up like I did, have you?”
“No no no, the effects do indeed recede as expected, everything is in good order… But I had to know more. So so much moooore.”
“Maybe you should cool it a bit. You never know when a brain snaps. Or how,” Tom tried, confident his advice would be ignored.
“There is not time!”
“And why is that? How is it going in our beloved Inquisition?”
“Mind your tongue, human! Things are progressing, but so are our enemies. Infiltrators have been caught, traitors within our ranks are making their moves. The reemergence of Rashan, attacks on mines, keeps and a daring heist attempt at a Royal Guard fortress! The game is afoot, we cannot delay.”
“You can’t overreach yourself either. Weren’t you supposed to be winning over the rest of the inquisition right about now? Can’t do that as a gibbering mess.”
There was silence for a while more after that. “Glazz sent you a letter? What did it say?! You may not keep secrets from me- wait not… I should confiscate her arm… she cannot write with her left. Yes far better plan, avoid upsetting him. And fill her pen with invisible ink. Yes very good.”
“No, it’s just obvious to any idiot. But what about winter, won’t things slow down?”
“They should, yet as autumn progresses it has only been picking up. I hope they too are running out of time… But time for what? I must know what they are planning. They might be behind schedule. But what SCHEDULE! sorry…”
“Well you’re not gonna find the answer to that in my memories, now are you?”
“You were sent by someone. You are here for a purpose. I must know this purpose. It will help me understand. The puzzle is large and much of the box kept from me.”
“As far as I’m concerned, I’m here to help you guys get in gear. That’s a decades to centuries long sorta problem, not a couple of years. Sounds like this war will be in the couple of years category.”
“Then why now? Why did you arrive now?!”
“Shitty luck? Sounds like 10 years ago would have been a lot better… Oh on that note, did you hear? We found something down below.”
“No, Paulin would have told me.”Joelina dismissed, he could almost feel her turning her snout up and away from him.
“Well we opened the vault like 3 days ago,” Tom replied, quite surprised Paulin hadn’t said anything. “Wait yeah she can send you messages, no? She sent the message about what we wanted to buy too, didn’t she?... How did she do that by the way? Why didn’t you just have her ask me questions?”
“That is not for you to know, and this is not for her.”
“Really? More secrets still? Come on, tell me or I’ll let you think flying whales exist.”
“I know those are not real. If they were, you would have harvested them long ago! likely for some deranged snack… or facial decoration.”
“True, but you get the idea,” Tom persisted, feeling like this was something worth pushing for. Why would Paulin not have let her precious Joelina know?
“Very well. This does not leave your mind… In the name of, what was it called… camaraderie. Paulin is in possession of joined paper. Messages may be written down and read by anyone with similarly joined paper. Unsecured. Originally believed to be fore love letters… dastardly studs and wenches using perfectly good magic for such trivialness… simply tie the message to a rock and throw it though the window. Most peasants cannot even afford glass” Joelina trailed off, seemingly zoning out once more.
“You have magical paper that can relay written information… and you don’t fucking use it!?” Tom explaimed, not quite believing what he was hearing.
“No, we do not know how to make freshly bonded paper… only more linked to all other paper in existence…” Joelina agreed. He could almost feel her looking at the floor in shame. “But it is not as if you are infallible, why did you not bring one of these radios?”
“I uhm…”
“Why didn’t you?!”
“I forgot,” Tom admitted, thinking back to his packing days. Of all the things that could have proven useful, that one might have been his biggest blunder.
“For the love of all that is holy! You are our saviour?!” Joelina scolded, understandably so, but still.
“Hey I never claimed to be smart!”
“I have lived your dreams. That is a lie! You very much claim to be smart!”
“Fuck off, I know you are just a scared little insecure girl.”
“She died 30 years ago!”
“Well I haven’t gotten to that bit yet!”
“What in the devils do you mean?” Joelina questioned calming right down in a fraction of a second.
“I’ve only had like three proper dreams about you… wait no, not like that,” Tom blurted out as it clicked just how wrong that sounded. Joelina didn’t seem to care in the slightest though.
“Three? That is it!?” going right back to outrage.
“Yeah… Wait, how many have you had?” Tom questioned. He rather wanted to know just how much she might know about him in addition to the memories she had already picked through when inside his head.
“Several a day!” the inquisitor exclaimed in reply.
“Okay, I can see how that would drive someone a bit mad.”
“I am not going mad!”
“Did Glazz say the same thing?” Tom questioned, quite certain he was striking a nerve.
There was no reply for quite some time, Tom feeling the headache growing as things grew tranquil once more. He could feel his breath. It was rapid, and his heart was pounding. He probably shouldn’t do this for much longer. Thus he endeavored to break the silence.
“You probably should listen to her you know.”
“No! These matters are above her station!”
“Hasn’t she been in the Inquisition longer than you?”
“She has yes. But she is no inquisitor. She is a body guard.”
“Seems like she is a wee bit more than that,” Tom pushed on. He didn’t yet know how those two came to stick together, but it was clear they had been working together for decades by now. All the way since she was assigned to Harvik
“Mind your own matters, human.”
“Very well, don’t think I can keep this up anyway.”
“We have barely been chatting! Where do the dogs come from?!”
“Selective breeding for thousands of years. But I’m gonna go. Take a break, do what Glazz says… even if Jacky hates her.”
Yet more silence followed that, though it was brief and Joelina was the first to speak again.
“Fine! In the interest of cooperation I shall let you rest. Wear the earring at all times, I shall be contacting you again soon.”
“I think I’m gonna be the judge of that. I’ll put it on when I feel like it.”
“You will do as I say!”
“You need a nap and a bit to calm down. I’ll give you three days. Around noon. See yah… How do I get this thing off?”
“I’m not telling you,” Joelina grumped like a little girl. She really didn’t seem quite like herself at all today. She had been the spitting image of restraint and arrogance before. The arrogance was still there, but the restraint had certainly gone.
“Come on, do I just try to cut off the magic or is that a bad idea?”
“If you answer a question I might answer.”
“Right then… Gimme gimme gimme aaaa-”
“JUST CUT IT! Farewell!” she called out loud enough Tom’s head pulsed and then there was blissful silence once more.
“Hehe. That did the trick, right concentrate on that funny feeling aaan-”
__________________________________________________________________________________
After dinner had been rounded up, Dakota had given a brief address as to some of the news received. There wasn’t much that hadn’t already made the rounds at the tables during the dinner itself. The war had been expanding, recruitment had started in full in the cities, and if not for the rather special situation at Bizmati they could have expected their banners to get called by spring.
Rumors had it that the kingdom was preparing itself for counterstrikes the following spring, which meant training through the winter for many volunteers.
“And a lot of not so volunteers,” Fengi muttered as Dakota carried on with the address.
“You can say that twice. At least the street rats might get something to eat and a place to sleep,” Tirox the trader escort added.
“I suppose that is true. Not a bad deal in winter time… I might even have taken it.”
“But we must instead keep our minds on our home,” Dakota carried on, talking to the whole hall. “There can be no mistake, we will be a target. We will be ready. They are getting bolder by the day it seems. It is not impossible they may attempt to take our keep before the winter comes. Or perhaps they will be waiting for spring. It is equally clear their forces are spread thin. We will weather such assaults, I have no doubt. But we must keep training. We must keep vigil. We cannot afford to be surprised or outmatched. I know you will all do your best. And tonight, we have no less than 4 dragons here. So breathe easy, have your snacks and your drinks. If the weather holds soon we will be finished with the warehouse and then we may make final preparations for winter. It is sure to be an interesting one for once.”
The hall replied with a half-discordant cheer, not overly enthusiastic unlike what Dakota had likely envisioned. The talk of them possibly getting attacked even before the snow came wasn’t really that encouraging. But Dakota tended to speak her mind, and she was probably right. Bizmati keep would be a damn tough nut to crack. And to Dakota’s credit she did seem to recognize she hadn’t really managed to rile them up.
“Didn’t you hear me?” she tried again in a slightly more humorous tone. “Eat, drink, and have fun! And put those tables together, don’t want you brooding in your corners.”
That did get a bit more of a reaction, as well as some good humored chuckles. People started getting up and set about moving the tables closer together.
It was a little rude to split up their guests in the same way as they normally did. Saph carried one of the benches over to the new spot, glancing around for any sign of Maiko, but there was no sign of him anywhere.
Feeling a little miffed, she sat down with the others as Ray came back with one of the small kegs of cider looking very excited. “We should have a taste, right?”
“Oh yes please!” Pho called out, Essy giving her a slight slap on the wrist.
“This one is only for those who paid for it. You will have to do with whatever you bought. Or the ale I’m sure they intend to serve.”
“Aww man. Not even a sip?”
“Okay, maybe a sip,” Essy relented. “Oh, I should get Koko his gift.”
“You got him a gift?” Saph questioned with mirth in her voice.
“Of course, that is what people do for each other… you did get Maiko something, right?”
Saph felt her expression slip a little as she prepared to disappoint their chief people person. “No, not really…”
“All that money and you didn’t get him shit? That’s cold girl,” Pho laughed, clearly finding it hilarious.
“Oh shut up, not as if I got something for Unkai either,” Fengi added, springing to Sapphire’s defence, though it seemed like the delivery had Fengi second guessing herself as well.
Esmeralda did look a little saddened by the news, but she was far too nice to say anything. Tirox however had no such filter.
“Oh don’t worry about it, just gotta go with a different sort of gift.” The diminutive guard laughed heartily at his joke. Udanti found it quite funny as well, and Pho certainly loved it. Bo just shook her head a little and went back to a small puzzle of some sort she had been working on, on and off, for most of the dinner by now.
“So uhm… One mug each?” Ray questioned, having been left hanging at the keg.
“Oh yes sorry, just the one, this stuff is expensive,” Saph replied, holding out her mug, Ray pushing it back down.
“One moment.” And she produced a wooden mallet and one of the metal taps. It looked like one of Raulf’s, so it was probably old as faded dragonscales.
Ray gingerly placed it against the cork and raised the mallet as the table fell silent in anticipation.
With a whack the tap went in clean with hardly a drop spilled, and Ray breathed a visible sigh of relief. “Right there we go.”
There was a quick round of cheers from the table, and Ray started pouring servings.
“Oh got yours open, have you?” the voice of Balethon came as the guard came walking up to the table, mug in hand and lizard on shoulder. “You all know we are gonna have to work out who got the better stuff, right?”
“Oh does it always have to be a competition with you, Balethon?” Saph questioned. She had just wanted to enjoy the cider.
“Look who is talking… And yeah of course we do! Just think of the bragging rights.”
Ray didn’t look too thrilled, nor did any of the girls who had actually paid for the keg. The rest of the table seemed to think it was a brilliant idea, even as Balethon’s voice carried and heads started to turn as people started to mingle between the now closely together tables.
“I’ll be the independent adjudicator!” Tirox declared, not receiving much attention as the full mugs started to get passed around. “Oh come on. I’ll be fair!”
“Shut it pipsqueak, you’ll end up taking 10 rounds of tastings before you make up your mind,” Udanti scolded, though in good humor.
“I might…” the guy relented, looking to Balethon. “Ey, by the way. Did you teach the brainlet any tricks?”
“Sure, Skitters can do a few things.”
“Aside from chasing the food?”
“You know what I think he might yeah,” Balethon replied sarcastically, gently tapping the static lizard twice on the head. The lizard didn’t do much save skitter about on his shoulder to face Balethon’s head, one eye pointing in whichever direction.
‘That thing just looks so dumb,’ Saph thought to herself as Ray handed her a mug. “Oh thank you.”
“Okay, Skitters. Up,” Balethon went, raising a claw into the air as if he wanted the lizard to jump. Or perhaps stand up. “Up… come on.”
There was no reaction from the lizard aside from it jerking to the left a bit, possibly having spotted a fly or something.
“Weeeell obedience might need some work,” Udanti chuckled. “Have you tried with some food in your hand?”
“Sure, then he just tries to eat the hand. Come on, Skitters. Up!” Balethon tried again, doing the gesture once more. And this time the little lizard jumped into the air. The little legs stretched out, taking its pitiful excuse for wings with it, and it half-fell half-glided to the floor where it hit with all the grace of a 6 year old on his first lesson. The slightly fat lizard bounced once, then rolled over twice before coming to a stop, looking around confused.
“Aaayyy! That’s a good boi,” Balethon went, going to pick it up again before someone stepped on it or it ran off under the tables. “And now you get a treat.” True to his word Skitters was fed a small piece of something or other which it seemed quite happy to snap up.
Fengi leaned in to whisper to Saph. “Was that the trick or did it just get sick of staying there?”
“I have no idea,” Saph replied, holding up her mug. “Cheers though.”
“Cheers,” Fengi replied as they clinked mugs.
“Oh hang on now, wait for me,” Essy protested as Ray finished pouring her mug and started on her own, looking to the girls as she questioned “Oh, also what about Jacky? Should we wait for her?”
“Who knows how long that will take?” Fengi replied, holding her mug impatiently.
“I’m sure she won’t mind. She is with Tom. We’ll let him have a mug as well,” Essy added with a reassuring nod, looking up to the high table. “Oh but we are missing Lin!”
“Oh right yeah she paid too… I can’t remember, did Edita chip in?”
“I don’t think so,” Sapphire replied, shaking her head as Essy got up to go fetch Linkosta. Balethon decided to take her place, a big grin on his face.
“So what else is going on over here?”
“Oh not much, hellooo little guy,” Pho went, trying to give skitters a scritching. In exchange he tried to eat her finger. “Oh… I mean I guess it doesn’t hurt.”
“Oh yeah, he can’t hurt a fly… well he can, but nothing more.”
“Shame he won’t get any bigger either,” Udanti added, nodding sagely. “Would have made a good rat hunter.”
“Nah… toe hunter though. Also where is the ale at?”
“Oh Raulf and Wiperna are getting ale and some of the bubble beer.”
“What is bubble beer?” Udanti questioned, tilting her head.
“Oh you’ll love it,” Saph interjected, waiting patiently as she saw Essy and Linkosta returning to the table out of the corner of her eye. “It’s an ale but it’s all fizzy.”
“Riiight… I’ve heard of fizzy beers before.”
“Oh yes, but this one is so much more fizzy.”
“It’s light and almost springlike.”
“Light ale? You mean for kids?”
“No no no. Just trust us it’s good.”
“Right right, I trust you,” the archer replied, looking to Essy and Linkosta, who seemed to be looking for a place to sit. “Should we not just put two end to end rather than this scrunching up business?”
“Yeah we should… Right get the craftsman table over here then. We don’t wanna have to smell the guards,” Saph called out, holding up her mug.
“Hey! That was uncalled for,” Balethon protested as Ray passed a mug to Linkosta. The girls all raised their mugs and had a sip, not willing to wait any longer. They all smacked their chops a little, looking down at the golden liquid. It was slightly fizzy too… and it tasted like the brew of the gods themselves. Ray was looking at them all visibly tense with anticipation and perhaps a twinge of fear.
“Ray… You have not disappointed,” Saph declared, nodding her approval, a smile creeping onto her face once more.
“Oh this is the best drink I think I’ve ever had,” Fengi added, taking another gentle sip.
Ray looked visibly relieved, her expression changing to one of ecstasy as she too took a sip herself. “Oh it’s even better than I remember. I’m glad you liked it.”
“Like it?! I love it!” Fengi cheers, Essy giving an appreciative nod to Ray before looking to Lin.
“Sooo?”
“It’s very good… Do you think we could try and cool it down a little? Imagine this cold.”
“It is often served cold, yes,” Ray confirmed, nodding her assent.
“I’ll go get the powder!” Saph called out, getting up. “I have got to try that.”
__________________________________________________________________________________
The strange ethereal world that had seemed so all-consuming started to quickly fade. Holes grew as light and reality started seeping in, sounds and noise starting to build around him. “Oom-Tom… Tom, are you okay?” came the familiar voice of Jacky as his eyes shot open and he blinked a few times as he returned to reality proper.
“Yeah yeah, I’m here… That is trippy, but hey, I think it worked.”
“How many fingers?” Jacky questioned, holding up her hand.
“4. Clear as day.”
“Pheeew. Okay look around, anything strange?”
Tom obeyed, sitting up a bit straighter and glancing about the room. “Nnnnn, nope all good. Just like last time I used one of these.”
“Right, good. Now what did she say?”
“Oh a bunch of stuff… mostly we chatted a bit about how she’s going a touch mad. Even Glazz thinks she’s falling apart at the seams apparently. She was also not happy I wanted a break.”
“Oh don’t tell me you have to do this every day from now on?”
“I said she had 3 days to get ready to try again. Hopefully she’ll have her case worked out by then.”
“Here’s to hoping… also how is your head? Does it hurt?”
“A bit, it’ll go away I’m sure.”
“Right,” Jacky replied, looking at him skeptically. “If it gets worse, tell me. But dinner was served a while ago I think. And I’m hungry.”
“Me too, let’s go.”
__________________________________________________________________________________
Well then, Joelina got her chat. She seems fine... I am sure she will continue to be a steadfast ally, within the walls of the inquisition for many weeks to co- I mean years, definetly years.
As always I hope you enjoyed the chapter, if not you know who to blame. I promise I won't cry to much if you tell me what was wrong... I promise.
Not really any news, other than fuck me I'm a busy boi, luckily I found the time to keep up with the writing yet, hopefully things will quet down soon so I can get back to begin a bit further ahead.
Untill next time, take care
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Ok so I just gotta say I've been using the DAS deal since I was 7. I'm over 30 now and I go to Disney once every couple of years cause hey it's disney and I'm relatively close by. (3 hour drive but ya know same state)
I'm a type 1 diabetic and I've been using the pen. It's kinda like a needle but easier to use. When I was 7 and freshly diagnosed people did not appreciate me screaming and my mom trying to hit me with a needle. Nowadays obviously I'm comfortable with it and can do it somewhat discreetly.
Of course many many people see you stabbing yourself in the arm and panic. I actually got pulled out of line by security when I was 14 cause some woman saw me "taking drugs" in the bathroom and I had to show my diabetic ID and explain insulin is not a drug like weed or whatever.
I have the DAS pass so I can take my shots and eat and not worry about passing out in line. (Which has happened in the past) and also so people don't make assumptions about what I'm doing. Most or the time I'll do my shots in the bathroom but there are rare times when I gotta make a correction immediately and no where to go.
I keep hearing about Disney not allowing DAS for anyone except cognitive issues and idk. It seems off to me. For me to take my shot in line would work but there's a lots of factors that I don't think disney is gonna wanna play with. Lack of clean and stable space for one. Again the possibility of passing out. The fact that I an using a needle with medication that if I'm bumped into could fall or poke someone else.
I'm supposed to go to Disney next week and I'm sitting here waiting on the live chat to talk woth a cm but reading the latest news has got me a little worried. Thoughts?

So recently I got an fma exfil bump and got a ztac/wasdn comtac and I tried to mount them with an earmor m31 mount but the clips just fall off instantly, what are my best options to mount my comtac?

inspired in part by this post, I want to talk about zones. we see this come up a lot. running is ostensibly trendy at the moment and tons of people are getting into it, which is awesome. but I see many falling into HR based training pushed by influencers etc.
zones should really have nothing to do with your heart rate. if anything, it is based on RPE, since most of us don’t have ready access to VO2max testing or blood lactate testers. the literature supports this, and actually typically only differentiates between 3 zones. See here, here, here, and here.
Why is this? For starters, your heart rate is affected by numerous factors. Sleep, metabolism, food and water intake, electrolyte balance, heat, humidity, training load, etc. So HR on its own is likely to fluctuate from day to day even when running at similar effort levels. But a more pertinent consideration for me is the lack of accurate HR readings. while many now have access to optical HR readings from wrist based sensors, these readings are known to be inaccurate. this includes things like the coros arm band which is yet another optical sensor. so the only reliably accurate readings are taken from chest straps. yet this still falls victim to HR variability.
So then how to proceed? you don’t need to abandon zone training. most running is still done based on zones. but the thresholds for each zone are different than perhaps many people are used to. zone 1 is typically defined as easy conversational. zone 2 is conversational, but labored. zone 3 is threshold effort and should not involve more than 2–3 word responses.
there are generally two approaches covered in the literature: pyramidal and polarized. pyramidal involves distributions between the zones such as 80/15/5, and polarized involves something more like 80/3–5/15–17. Neither approach has necessarily been proven to be better than the other, but one may work better based on factors like time available (and different approaches may work better for more specialized kinds of training. moreover, beginner level runners tend to benefit from ANY kind of training.
to summarize, zone 1 is easy and conversational. zone 2 is harder than easy and easier than hard. zone 3 is hard. most of your time can be spent in zone 1. the amount of time you spend in zones 2 and 3 is dependent on your schedule and preferences.
so all this is to say, don’t worry too much about your HR. you don’t need to be taking walk breaks to keep your HR under 140 or what have you. just get out there and run, and most importantly, have fun!

Finding this community has been the closest thing to my current symptoms. However, I'm having a hard time understanding the cause of an RSI. Just like myself, most people on here mentioned repetitive use was the cause of their injury, (mixed with other things) but if that's the case, wouldn't this injury be way more common? We have so many office workers, blue collar, and gamers, wouldn't there be some kind of epidemic going on about this?
My journey:
27F.
January 2024, I started having both of my arms fall asleep when sleeping on my sides at night. And when I tried to shake it off, it would take anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes to feel normal. I knew something was wrong.
Early February, I told my doctor about this after it happened it a few more times. I tried sleeping on my back, but then it started happening even on my back. My doctor wasn't too concerned, told me to rest my arms and we did generic bloodwork. She mentioned we could do an MRI for my spine or nerve testing but wanted me to rest to see if it improved first. So I rested as much as possible.
In March, I was off work for other reasons entirely (mental health + trauma) which I had a computer job where I was typing and using the mouse a lot for seven hours a day, for two years. I also play games on consoles. As well I'm an artist and a crafter. I assumed with being off work, and not using the computer this would be plenty of rest. So I continued gaming here and there. I noticed pain in my right hand mostly, and forearm. I honestly thought this was from wearing my Apple Watch while gaming, so I removed it, and felt relief for a couple of days. I wanted to test this theory so I put the watch on my left hand, noticed the pain in my left wrist and forearm started after a week. So at this point I was blaming my watch, and removed it entirely.
April, my hand pain was getting worse with less use. I would game for an hour, and noticed pain pretty bad. I would stop, it would get better for a few days, went back to gaming and it got worse. Rinse and repeat. I didn't understand, I was using my arms less and less, and they were not able to tolerate minimal usage.
April 29th, shit hit the fan. It was the first day of my period, and naturally I tend to swell. I woke up with both of my arms in debilitating pain, all throughout the wrists and forearms. I was in shock. For three days I iced my arms, and took Advil. After my period, with less inflammation my arms better but there was still a baseline of pain. I could only manage to do basic tasks, brushing teeth, showering, etc and breaking in between to manage the pain. I started a system, Little bit of activity and then icing and rest. I stopped gaming, I couldn't even if I wanted to, and can't use my phone or type on the computer. I get pain within seconds of trying to do these activities. I started using speech to text and voice control on my phone.
May 9th, what's the soonest I was able to see my doctor. But before then I was feeling anxious for answers, so I went to a walk-in. He looked at my bloodwork from February and immediately said that I had low B12. He also moved around my arms and asked where I felt pain. A minute of this and he said that this was classic overuse. They were strongly urging I take B12 supplements to increase levels and take muscle relaxant when I feel pain. Right away I knew he wasn't really listening and A muscle relaxant was just going to be a Band-Aid solution so I didn't even fill the prescription. I did get B12 supplements, because what would be the harm. Looking at my levels, I was 236 in August 2023, and then went down to 185 in February 2024. The labs online say I’m borderline deficient, based on their guides.
May 9th. I explained what was going on to my doctor and she didn't seem very concerned. When I asked about MRI and nerve testing, she said she wanted to do bloodwork for inflammation first. Even though she mentioned this way back earlier, now she says the bloodwork is more important than the MRI. Because if there's inflammation hello then an MRI is useless - her words. She also said she was gonna give me some anti-inflammatories, but I have yet to see the prescription be filled, I don't believe she put in the order. I also asked about my B12 and she said it looks normal…
It's now May 13, and I still have a baseline amount of pain my pain is improved with icing constantly and rest. I'm also attempting to eat an anti-inflammatory diet and I believe it's helping manage the pain. Some of the lab work came back, a lot of the testing she did for inflammation is coming back as normal, negative diagnosis for RA. One thing looks high, but I don't know what it means and I refuse to look it up due to my health anxiety issues. My next doctors appointment isn't until May 21, in the progression of this recovery is far too slow, I also don't know what type of exercises I can do because I don't know the root issue yet. I do have bad posture, and since have changed my bedframe and gotten a new desk chair. Most of my pain lingers in my forearm in the inner forearm and the outer forearm by my elbow. But I have full pain throughout my entire hand wrist and upper arms, on and off, these past weeks. At night it gets worse, and I only feel relief if I'm standing and walking or sitting with my arms propped up on pillows and ice. Sitting at a table or in the car, after about 5 to 10 minutes I feel pain even just in a neutral position. They need to be propped for no or minimal pain.
Reading stories I understand it can take months. But I want medical professionals reviewing me as soon as possible, and my doctor is not taking it seriously. Living in Canada, pretty much have to get a doctors approval/referral for any kind of specialist. Most places you cant just walk in and request to see a specialist or PT. The elephant in the room is at the doctors tell you to rest, but you need to use your hands for everything, let alone most peoples jobs. I don't understand how this is a valid treatment option. It hasn’t been long since April 29, but I know most generic injuries would have shown better signs of recovery by now… so I'm worried for my road ahead.
Any suggestions for my next steps???

So I'm seeing my ob/gyn tomorrow because I'm convinced I was misdiagnosed with PCOS for over a decade. I am in my mid-30's, my hair is greying, dry and almost gone. My skin is dry. My eyes are dry. I'm skin and bones but weigh 180 pounds (my weight has all shifted to my belly, it looks ridiculous). Most scary is that I was looking at old photos and my face shape has definitely changed. I had issues with my jaw for a decade now that were always brushed off. My jaw has definitely shrunk and the right side hurts constantly. My eyes have the grey, sunken look associated with much older women and even my pubic hair is thinning out. My knee and wrist joints are out of whack too.
For starters, I had my first period at 13, which then came maybe twice a year afterwards. My feminine development literally stalled at that age, height and breast size. Fat never distributed AT ALL to my lower half (hips, butt, thighs). Only my belly, even at that age. I was the skinny kid, bullied a lot. Neglected at home and ate horribly, got sick easily. But doctors never diagnosed me when I sought answers at 17. Prolactin and thyroid were a bit off but then tested fine a second time. Testosterone also normal. No idea if they even tested estrogen back then but was told it was impossible to test anyway, due to the cyclical nature (I never had a cycle but okay). And I was too afraid to try the birth control pill due to my mother forbidding it and fear mongering over it. I convinced myself I was a late bloomer, then eventually I got to the age where I assumed it was too late to do anything about it so started dressing to hide it, convinced I was being punished by my own genetics and poor lifestyle and there was nothing to be done. (For clarity, I am autistic and have CPTSD from childhood abuse and trauma, and am prone to distorted thought patterns and shameful feelings.)
Gained 30 pounds through the college diet and some of it went to my thighs which alleviated my dysphoria somewhat but I could tell something was wrong and it wasn't "puberty weight gain". I gained a pregnancy looking belly and started having hot flashes. My hair was falling out since my teen years. Hair loss was chalked to stress. Hot flashes got me laughed out of the doctor's office because I was "too young". Went to the doctor at 21, he shrugged and guessed PCOS after ultrasound showed follicles and put me on the pill. I was only on the pill for three months before deciding to go with dieting as per the general PCOS rules (soooooo stupid, I know). Had somewhat regular periods for about 6 months at 24 but after weight loss realized I was back to my underdeveloped 12-year-old body. Went to doctor at 25, completely panicked. Blood tests were normal at the time and it was chalked to PCOS once more. Got prescribed Diane 35 and at the time thought I was in the clear. Have been on the pill off and on for eight or so years now and my weight has been yoyo-ing since then. But while the pill did work at regulating my cycle, eventually they became lesser and darker. The last bleed I had was a few weeks ago and I'm convinced I only got it because of remnant estrogen from the pill. I just know in my gut that if I were to stop all birth control, I would never get my period again. If my 20's were marked by bizarre hormonal fluctuations, night sweats and infrequent but heavy periods, my 30's are currently marked by lack of cramping, barely existent bleeding, feeling aged and dried up and just hormonally.... dead.
NO doctor ever brought up POI as even a possibility. The designated response to women seems to be to suggest we are crazy or that the situation is not as severe as we think it is. Endocrinologist I waited nine months to see a few years ago after lockdown read the referral that said "suspected PCOS" and didn't even meet with me, sent a resident in to talk to me. Sent me on my way. But I just know in my gut my ovaries have been failing since adolescence and I am TERRIFIED. I look like a dictionary case of estrogen deficiency at this point and it seems I might have been perimenopausal since adolescence. Was almost certainly perimenopausal ten years ago, which means I'm basically an old lady now in my 30's and HRT probably won't work with me. Looking up the symptoms of this disease untreated is giving me panic attacks akin to finding out I have a terminal illness. But even if I'm not terminally ill, I look awful and my quality of life is miserable. I am doomed either way and worst of all, I could have prevented most of the damage had I been diagnosed sooner or at the very LEAST, went on the BCP when I was younger.
I'm sorry if this was a frustrating or difficult read. I'm just so, so scared. I feel like the cautionary tale of this disorder and I'm in Hell. More awareness needs to be spread about this disease. This simply should NOT happen. To anyone. Especially young girls and women who aren't given info to make informed decisions or can't advocate for themselves. I just am at my rope's end and can't relax.

So I’ve been rewatching the 11th doctor and am about to go onto the 12th and love the doctor and rivers relationship so much so I looked online and realised that a lot of people disagree. I saw that most people were saying that the doctor didn’t love river and that he wasn’t really into their whole relationship but I disagree.
when the doctor first saw river as 11 it was after she died in Forest of the dead so it makes sense that he would wary of her and want to get away from her as soon as possible in the time of angels and flesh & stone as he already knows her fate. As the episode goes on though you see the doctor and river interact more and more throughout the episode even showing an interest into how she’s engaged to Octavian because he knows in the future she is married to him and at the end of the episode they even go as far to even have a laugh with each other!
It’s also quite obvious he loves her by the time we get to the angels take manhattan episode as before we even realise river is melody malone the doctors already swooning over her on a book cover. Of course you can’t forget when the doctor goes to help river after her hand gets stuck in the angels wrist and he’s fixing his hair in the TARDIS beforehand to look good for her. You can also tell that he cares for her deeply as when she says “are you gonna break her wrist or mine?” He gets annoyed at Amy because yes he is actually going to break her wrist and he doesn’t get angry at Amy often. An important part of this scene that I feel a lot of people forget is that the doctor is actually the one that kisses river and he’s not been forced into it. After this though he gets angry at her for something she writes in the book (killing off Amy) and shouts at her to get her own hand out without breaking it.River appears later showing she made her own way out b of the angels grasp without breaking her wrist. The doctor is of course overjoyed by this and speaks to Amy about how amazing and brilliant she is. Things change fast though as the doctor grabs her hand to bring her outside but river screeches in pain revealing she had actually broken her wrist. A lot of people seemed to interpret the doctors reaction to this as him being scared for Amy’s sake but I think it was more he was worried for River. Think about it when has the doctor ever seen river truly upset or in pain till this point? He was more concerned I’d say about her heavy breathing and the pain she must be in that he’s never seen before now. The next scene after this is showing the doctor giving Amy the machine river was using which he clearly took off her then goes over to sit next to her. Instead of being angry at her for lying he simply just asks “why did you lie to me?” With river then responding something along the lines of “when you fall in love with ageless god one does best to hide the damage” the doctor then goes on to say she must hurt, river replying with yes “the wrist is pretty bad too” implying she is very hurt emotionally aswell most likely because every time she meets the doctor he seems further and furthers away from her.The doctor then looks at river sympathetically almost as if realising how much she has to go through when he doesn’t remember her. He then goes on to use his OWN regeneration power to heal her hand then kisses it better. There are multiple more scenes in this episode where the doctor grabs her hand and they support each other while Amy and Rory are running away. One of my personal favourite scenes from this episode is when the paradox is happening and the doctor holds on to rivers hand despite the paradox making them stumble all about the place.
Something else that bothers me about what people say about river and the doctor is when they say stuff about how they don't ever spend time together which is also very untrue. Some people may not know about these but there is a series of mini episodes called night and the doctor with five episodes called bad night, good night, first night, last night and up all night. First night and last night are literally just date episodes and funny banter with the doctor and river(rain gods is also included). These episodes are great because they give us insight more into the doctor and rivers relationship showing that its actually the doctor that picks river up often to take her on fun dates all across time and space (its also shown he does this in good man goes to war showing that he took river out for her birthday). This unfortunately mostly happens off camera but clearly it does happen as i'm sure river didn't fill her diary based off just what we've seen. For example in silence in the library river mentions the picnic at Asgard that happened with the doctor but we just didn't see it.
How could you also not love their flirtatious banter and care for one another. One example of this is the double barrel episode the impossible astronaut and day of the moon. The doctor and river were so flirty in this episode it was so fun! the doctors caring seeps through in this episode when river goes down into the sewer looking area to look for the missing little girl. He tells river to be careful but then still worries about her so sends rory to accompany her. In lets kill Hitler this was the perfect episode to show how the doctor protects river when the teselecta tries to kill her and how river saves his life right back through a passionate kiss giving up the rest of her regenerations for him. It also shows that the doctor would rather sacrifice himself than let river use up all her regenerations as shown at the end of the episode when river says that the doctor told her she couldn't save him which wasn't true (even the doctor said the doctor lies). In the day of the moon at the end of the episode they also have more flirtatious banter that goes like this:
DOCTOR:"she could easily kill the first 3 of you"
RIVER:"oh 7 easily"
DOCTOR:"7 really?"
RIVER:"8 for you honey"
DOCTOR:"stop it"
RIVER:"make me"
DOCTOR:"well maybe i will"
this to the annoyance of Amy who is just wanting to escape the silence unharmed.
It should be clear by now that the doctor does love river and even though their wedding in the wedding of river song technically didn't happen its obviously real to them considering that river mentions that she's his wife in almost every episode we see her the doctor also mentions he's married and has a wife in the prequel to asylum of the daleks, the name of the doctor. I feel like its also important to note that even after losing river as 11 and regenerating into 12 river is never forgotten by the doctor and 12 keeps two pictures on his desk of the most important people in his life his granddaughter susan and river! I also feel like although there are many ships people wish to happen like with clara and rose they could never really work out because they're human. River is a weird mix and the only real equal that the doctor has that he travelled with because even though technically river is human she's also part timelord (i think???) so the only real relationship that would work out out of all of them would probably have to be river.
I feel like i should probably mention the last two times we see river one being in the episode name of the doctor. At this point river is dead and the doctor knows it but she still appears as a ghost after a dream meeting type thing with clara and the gang. After this ends we the audience can still see her but nowhone else can. That is until near the end of the episode where the doctor is going to go into his own time stream and river tries to talk sense into him but obviously he cant hear her (or so we think) river goes to slap him but the doctor grabs her arm revealing that he in fact has always been able to see her and hear her and she is always there to him. River of course is confused and asked why he didn't speak to her. The doctor says that he thought it would hurt too much, river thinks he means it would hurt her but the doctor explains he means he would hurt and he was right. The doctor then kisses river for the last time before explaining to her that he doesn't know how to say goodbye to her river then says if he ever loved her to say it like he's coming back, so he does and river also says it like she's coming back. The final time we see river and the doctor is in the husbands of river song. This switching up the roles so that now its river that doesn't recognise him as she hasn't seen his new face as 12. Of course the doctor being the doctor goes along with it to try and mess with her but along the way finds out what she's like when he's not there especially during rivers big speech at the end where she talks about not expecting the stars to admire you back and her big speech about how the doctor doesn't love her and he would never stand danger with her because he isn't in love enough. The doctor hears this and he clearly realises how hurt she is but she also proves everything she's saying is wrong because he is there for her and he does love her. Its also the 12th doctor that saves river from sacrificing herself pretty much near the end of the episode saying that she was more important than any one on the ship, any living thing. The doctor even cares for her so much that he builds an ENTIRE restauraunt for her for one night on Darillium. The one night that he can spent 24 years with the woman he loves also entrusting her with his biggest secret ever his name and his beloved screwdriver.
I've clearly wrote WAY more than I thought and so im just curious to see what do you all think about the doctor and rivers relationship?

I (24F) have been working at a non-profit organization that has a farm program for teens and young adults for 3 years now.
I co-manage this farm with another person (we’ll call them Gary) and have just found out that Gary (36NB) is leaving in a few months. They hold a large responsibility overseeing the youth program as well as important farm stuff and lots of farm knowledge. Gary is also my current supervisor.
I have been farming for 7 or 8 years now, but there’s still so much I am learning. I’ve worked at another similar farm program before and ended up leaving after 2 years because of personal family stuff, and also I could feel myself getting burnt out and exhausted so often. I have noticed lately I’ve been feeling the burnout and mental exhaustion like before, having to put on a happy cheerful face and lead a group of young people on farming (not easy, as you could imagine). I’ve been in the mindset of “just doing one more year” for a bit now and moving on to something not as involved. I was actually looking at indeed and LinkedIn for a new job not too long ago.
On the other side, I also love the work I do. I love getting to grow food for the community, and I work very closely with the food banks and other partners in the area to help with that. I love getting to work with our smaller farm team and seeing them love their work. I love that I get to work outside, and do fun things like field trips, play games, cook food together, etc.. I love these things about my job, and they are exhausting at times. I’ve often thought to myself though “Is it worth it for just a bit of joy?”.
Then about a week or so ago, Gary and my previous supervisor (call him Wayne 46M) pulled me aside and told me that Gary was leaving and they offered me to be the new farm manager. I was shocked, needless to say. I also feel honored that they see I could be the next farm manager, but also very nervous. I have a lot of questions about it but don’t know how to put it into words.
If you’ve worked for a non-profit, you might know that funding is more limited and people sometimes are expected to take on the roles of many, rather than one person. The organization I work for also has so many different programs, which is great, however we only get a certain amount of money a year to spend on all the programs and people’s pay. I often feel the farm could use more time and energy put into it, but it doesn’t always happen. Stuff can also be unorganized and unpredictable, we lose stuff, people borrow things and forget them, some things are promised but not followed through on. For example, we had an event a few weeks ago and another program borrowed all of our good wheelbarrows and still hasn’t gotten them back to us. We also got a new tool shed and have been waiting for our site person to put in the hooks and stuff to hang our tools for weeks now (a lot of their stuff is still in there too). It gets frustrating and I have to put on a nice face about it because that’s the culture here.
The culture is very nice and friendly and PC. I enjoyed it for a while, but sometimes it feels fake or I often apologize if I feel I said or did the wrong thing. At my other farm job I worked at the culture was similar but not to this extreme. At the other place I would swear and some of the other staff would too (not around the youth). Here if you swear with no one around, you’re looked at like you said something out of pocket. They act like a high schooler hasn’t heard a curse word in their life. I dont know maybe I’m wrong for that but I feel cursing is apart of life and expresses your feelings in the moment. Not saying people should be swearing in schools but a “damn” or “shit” doesn’t hurt you, and you shouldn’t be made out to be a bad person for that.
There’s also a new rule that no one can have their personal phone on them during the youth program hours, which I understand from a work standpoint, but even staff are subject to this as well. I use my phone often for work related things- calculator, looking up plant id or spacing, reaching out to community partners, I have to email folks often, take pictures, and play a PG13 playlist for work time. I also am closer to my family members home, and she falls sometimes and needs help so I keep my phone on for that too. I was told I could have my work phone on me but could only use it very sparingly and keep my personal phone in my locker or on my desk. I feel frustrated by this but everyone else was fine with it after Gary did some convincing, so I stayed pretty quiet on the whole thing.
Anyway the whole point is, if I say yes, I could do things on the farm that I couldn’t do before, my word will go regarding farm stuff (for the most part), I’d be getting a pay bump (don’t know how much yet), but also a lot more responsibility. I could say no, but then would I be training my supervisor? Would I be looked at different? What kind of job could i do?
I am on contract until mid-December, and Gary leaves in a few months. If I say yes, Gary could train me and help me figure out planning and whatnot. The sooner I say yes the more time we have. If say no, they will hire a new farm manager that I will have to work with until at least December.
I talked to my boyfriend about it and he knows I’ve been struggling there. He also reminded me that we aren’t struggling for the money so I could say no and maybe look for a state job.
My parents (especially my dad) think I should do it because it would look good on my resume if I did it for like a year or two. Also the pay bump.
What should I do? Any advice or thoughts that could help from an outside perspective?
tldr: I was offered a promotion at my farm job that I’ve already considered leaving. Should I take the job and the responsibility or move on?

I joined a carpool once. There were four of us.
Four mid-level managers who worked at the same real estate development company, and every one of us had tough commutes to work. There was me, and there was Ken, Pete, and Ryan. Before I joined the carpool, my commute was well over an hour. My sunrises were spent alone, an aggravating and mindless stop-and-go monotony fueled by caffeine. And my sunsets were a blinking red lightshow of aggravation the entire way home. Constant traffic. I remember I used to turn off my phone, turn off the radio, and drive in silence. I don’t do that anymore, but when I did, I remember liking the quiet. Driving that commute every day gave me time. Time to think about the things you’re doing, the things you’re going to do, and the things you’ve done. I am especially used to thinking about the things I’ve done. How I once had power over them, but now I don’t. They are permanently gouged in time; they leave marks. You better make peace with that. Because everything we do, we do not do alone. It is shared. Shared with others. With a God? With Fate? I don’t know. But I now know what I never thought about… that what we do, everything we do, is witnessed.
Ken Hallwell had the carpool idea and persuaded me to sign up. He spouted calculations about gas mileage, time saved, who would drive when, and all the other little details of starting a carpool group. Ken did not talk much, but when he talked about this carpool idea, he did. Maybe he wasn’t like me. Maybe he didn’t want to drive alone. We each took our turns driving, picking up the other three, weaving our way to work, sipping coffee, and talking sports, politics, office drama, project deadlines, and the varied minutiae that make up the forty-hour work week. It worked well, the way managers like things to work well. Especially Ken. He kept us on time. Doing the right things. He was one of those guys. Every group needs one. A likable guy. Organized. I always meant to invite Ken Halwell over to my house to meet my family. He was my age, and I knew he lived alone, had no kids, and never married. He had this scar that ran down the left side of his scalp to the top of his ear. You could see it because hair wouldn’t or couldn’t grow there. Something must have really gouged him.
I always meant to get to know more about Ken. But I never did.
It was a Thursday. I remember because it was Halloween. And because the next morning was a Friday, and it would have been my turn to drive. And Friday mornings are easy. Well, easier. But that night was Thursday, the drive from work to home. Pete spent most of the commute talking from the back seat about how Legal had grilled him on the land deal. Pete claimed to hate being grilled by legal, but I think he liked it because he loved telling lawyers how little they knew about land deals. Pete was dropped off first, and his kids met him at the curb, tugging at him to hurry up so they could trick or treat. Next was Ryan. Ken usually had to wake him up. Ryan was a napper. I’ve always been jealous of nappers. People who can just fall asleep anywhere. Kids fighting, game on, wife yapping on the phone, and nappers like Ryan pay no mind, dozing away through it all. It’s never been me. I’ve always been a light sleeper, noticing any sound or noise at night. Noises, which were always nothing, but left me lying in bed thinking of worst-case scenarios—horrible thoughts. Eventually, sleep would return. I have never slept great, and now I probably never will.
Ryan stepped out of the car, and Ken eased us back into the drive and onto the freeway for the seven miles to my place and then another four to his. By this time, the sun had set and been lost from view for over an hour. We sat quietly for a few minutes, and I stared up at the late evening sky. From a freeway, a packed freeway, the evening sky always has this color that changes, and I remember hating it. I used to watch it when I drove alone. It is a darkening grey like a giant ash cloud falling over the day. That night it crept past the sun, trying to take the sky into darkness. Maybe it was impatient for Halloween, that one night when the line between the living and the dead blurs and breaks. I remember feeling glad to be riding in that car, among those thousands of headlights and thousands of brake lights, thinking, what could happen here?
Traffic was stopped. Five rows of cars, trucks, and buses stretched ahead to the horizon, brake lights arcing on and off as we all inched forward. I was beginning to tell Ken about the costume my son and I made, ruined, and finally purchased when we suddenly lurched forward hard. Ken had hit the brakes to avoid a station wagon moving into our lane. A station wagon? I remember thinking you don’t see many of those anymore. Hardly any at all. It came from our left and either didn’t see us or didn’t care. I had never heard Ken swear, but I expected him to. If it were me, I would have. I probably would have even honked at that station wagon. But to my surprise, Ken just stared at it. The station wagon was pale white with fake wood paneling on the sides and back. It had one of those large rear windows facing us, the kind the driver could roll up or down to let anything in or out. The license plate was black. One of those black California plates I thought they had discontinued a long time ago, like station wagons. Traffic started moving again, slowly. But the station wagon didn’t move. It just sat there, brake lights shining red. When it moved, it seemed to roll, not roll, but glide. It glided forward, and we followed it.
“Jerk”, I said. But Ken was silent.
Eventually, he sighed, “Yeah….Jerk.”
I remember thinking that Ken was getting quiet. Ken had always been a quiet guy, but not this quiet. He was always looking at you, nodding, letting out a laugh or a short reply, and always following a conversation. Listening. But he wasn’t doing that now; he was staring at that car in front of us like he knew something. Like he knew the car. Or the driver. Something.
“Ken, you know this guy?” I asked.
He answered me, but I remember his voice cracking as he replied, “I — I think I do.”
He stared straight ahead, focusing. Traffic was still slow, but it was starting to pick up now and then. Whenever it did, the distance between our car and the station wagon widened, leaving space for a car to merge in. Still, whenever that happened, Ken would rev up the minivan and close the distance like he didn’t want any other car to get between us and that station wagon. We never seemed to be more than a few feet from the back of it, with Ken continuing to stare at it. Our lane stopped. The station wagon stopped, and we stopped. Then, in front of us, that long rear window started to roll down, inch by inch, like a glass curtain. I seem to remember wishing it wouldn’t, but it was. It was rolling down, and it stopped, and we could see inside. Nothing. There was nothing inside. Not nothing as in it was empty, but nothing as in it was a deep black. Devoid of light. You couldn’t see in the car; you couldn’t see through the car, to the front window, or the driver, or the traffic beyond. There was just nothing.
HONK. Traffic had started to move a little. Cars on both lanes on either side were passing us, and a couple of the cars behind us started to honk, their drivers aggravated. But we didn’t move. Ken didn’t move. I pulled my eyes away from the window to him. He was craning forward, glaring into that car, into that open window. “Ken?” I said. He gasped like he had forgotten to breathe and then slowly turned his head to me. There were tears welling up in his eyes, and he was shaking like he was cold and like he couldn’t stop shaking if he tried.
His head turned to me, but his eyes stayed tuned on that car when he broke a whisper, stuttering as he asked me, “Can you — Can you see them?” I followed his gaze back to that open window and saw nothing but that curtain of black in the middle of that station wagon, in the middle of our lane, in the middle of this freeway. A freeway that was starting to open up to move. Cars passed us, honking, picking up speed. “See what?” I asked, staring deep into that window in case I missed something. I peered at it intently. I remember having a feeling wash over me like I was not sitting in Ken’s minivan but standing at the edge of a hole, staring into emptiness. The hole seemed empty, but I knew something was in it, something that maybe I put down there.
“They found me,” Ken said, his voice cracking.
HONNKKKK. I jumped at the sound of the cars behind us, around us. They were really moving now, speeding by on each side. Then Ken opened his door. “Ken!” He seemed not even to know I was there. “Ken! Close the door!” He stepped out, and a moving van careened past him, less than a foot away, wind gusting into our car, horn blaring. “Ken!!” He leaned further out, and that’s when I reached for him; I reached for him, grabbed his wrist, and we locked eyes. As soon as we touched, in that very instant, I felt pain. Pain within me, inside me. Pain that was all mine, that had been there my entire life. My body ached from the outline of my skin to the organs inside me. I gasped and felt I would cry because I could now see into the back window of that car and see what Ken could see. Two small faces of two children were suddenly there, looking at me, each of them glaring at me. Two eyeless pale-white children whose tiny lipless mouths gaped open, forming holes of skin that cried forever. Behind them were two shadowy forms, one male and one female. The forms were reaching for the children with elongated limbs that contorted and stretched in ungodly ways, making sickening snapping sounds as they moved and reached. They seemed to be reaching for these child-things but could not touch them no matter how much they strained.
I screamed and felt Ken wrench away from me. He stepped outside the car into the rushing traffic and walked towards that station wagon. But I don’t think he walked; I think he was pulled. I called for him again, screaming into the rush and wind of the freeway and the cars when one clipped his driver's side door and snapped it off in a loud cracking metal sound, brakes screaming as it veered away onto the shoulder. I saw Ken stop at the driver's side window of the station wagon. He leaned forward, looked inside, and seemed to recognize whatever he saw in that car because his eyes glazed with tears. He slowly stood straight up, and in that instant, Ken Hallwell was struck by a passing charter bus, struck in a thunder of glass, teeth, blood, and metal that sprayed into the night air. I watched Ken’s body fly and thud into the road yards away. For just a second, it seemed his blank eyes met mine — -Then a sedan, avoiding the bus, braked hard and rear-ended the minivan I was in. I remember hearing adults screaming and children crying. Then, everything went dark.
Sixteen days later, I was in a hospital, and I was told two things: There was no station wagon that night. It was only a stalled car with a scared teenager inside. And the other thing was that Ken Hallwell was actually Keith Havers.
Ken/Keith was a suspect in a hit-and-run crash twenty-three years ago and five states away. The crash killed a husband, his wife, and their twin girls. The impact sent their vehicle off the road into a small creek, flipping it twice and crushing the two adults in their seats. An ignition cable had ignited a pool of gasoline, and the car — a pale white station wagon with wood paneling — began to burn in the creek bed with the family inside. Deputies found blood stains that didn’t belong to the family and one set of adult footprints near the crash site. The prints led away from that station wagon, from that family, and a second vehicle, a severely damaged pickup truck found on the road, idling, abandoned, and alone.
Now you know the two things I was told, but you should also know the two things I learned. Things the man I knew as Ken Hallwell held in his heart his entire tormented life.
We do not do anything alone.
What we do leaves a mark.