How can i my friends unhide
Rabbits: the intelligent, loving, and often misunderstood pet
2010.02.19 17:00 sketchampm Rabbits: the intelligent, loving, and often misunderstood pet
/rabbits is an open community where users can learn, share cute pictures, or ask questions about rabbits. Please note we are a *pet rabbit* community that discourages breeding and encourages rescue.
2009.01.30 19:41 Dividend Investing
A community by and for dividend growth investors. Let's make money together!
2013.03.16 16:46 ModestSilence HairDye
The HairDye community is devoted to hair dye and dyed hair. Any posts of your dyed hair, or questions relating to dying your hair are welcomed; Anything from Brown to Rainbow. So go ahead, let the world see your gloriously dyed hair!
2024.05.14 12:23 Hot-Contribution2122 Still obsessed with LO for over a year after confession + no contact
First time poster and long-time limerent here.
I'm honestly just having a hard time understanding how the hell this thing persists.
I want to say it was about two years ago when I (18M) first became attracted to someone (19-20M, not sure atp) in one of my high school classes. He was in the grade above me at the time (graduated now). At first it was just a simple little crush, until my friends started hyping me up ("you should totally make your move!", "he could be bi!") etc; I was stupid to believe any of that, but friends will be friends and I'm sure they were just trying to help. Anyway, that's when the fantasies started. You know, the idealizations and the "what if" scenarios playing in your head constantly. The feelings only got worse from there, and it got to the point where my main motivation for going to school every day was to see him.
Honestly, I can count on my fingers the number of total interactions I've had with this guy, yet for some reason I felt like floating on air every time I even made eye contact with him across the classroom. I remember one time being assigned to his group for a project and feeling like I had just won the lottery. I didn't know exactly what my feelings were or why I had them, but I knew that sitting around and pining wouldn't get me very far. Eventually, I realized that graduation was lingering and that after that, I would probably never see him again. So I decided I would tell him my feelings, and I knew exactly when I would do it: the two of us would be going on a school music trip, and we happened to be put in the same hotel room. I told myself that I would tell him on the last night of our trip, and though I nearly chickened out, I did it. I told him, and got the response that I was both expecting and silently dreading.
He was honestly as chill and respectful about it as anyone could be, really. He told me that he understood my feelings and that I couldn't control them but, as I expected, he wasn't gay. He even said that this situation did not have to make things awkward between us at school. We both even laughed about it a little bit. In the moment, I was exhilarated that I had finally done it. I had gotten my feelings off my chest, excited that I had gotten closure and could move on, or so I thought.
It wasn't until the next morning at home, when I tried to get out of bed, that reality hit me. Suddenly, that motivation I talked about before was gone, with nothing to take its place. It was as if the weight I felt lift off my chest when I confessed to LO had been replaced with an even heavier one. It took every ounce of my strength to drag myself out of bed and into school that morning.
That trip was a year and two months ago. I kept seeing him in class every day, casting small glances at him with every chance I got. Before I confessed, I was attached and hopeful. After, I was still attached and just...empty. A few months later, he graduated, and I haven't talked to him since. I haven't told many people this, but he still occupies my mind every single day, as does the memory of my confession. I can't look at any pictures of him or hear people talk about him without getting sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's because I still feel something for him, if I'm embarrassed about how I confessed (I said the big "ILY;" was VERY anxious in the moment and didn't know what else to say), or if I'm still subconsciously hoping for something to happen, or if I'm scared of seeing him again because he stayed home and didn't go to college, or something else. What I do know is that I don't think I loved this boy, as I didn't really know him enough. That's something he suggested when I confessed, actually, and I've realized that it's true.
It's been a year since I last saw him, and now my own graduation is nearing. My life couldn't be going better: I have good grades, a great group of friends, and I'll be attending the college of my dreams next year. Yet, after all of those joys and triumphs, my mind always finds its way back to him, every interaction we've ever had replaying in my head like a broken record, and this odd, ever-lasting pain just gnawing away at me.
I guess I just hope to God that I'll meet the person who's meant for me when I go to college. Even if I don't, I just want the pain to stop. It's not debilitating, but it's there, and it's awful. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Sorry for the long post. Needed it off my shoulders.
submitted by Hot-Contribution2122 to limerence [link] [comments]
I'm honestly just having a hard time understanding how the hell this thing persists.
I want to say it was about two years ago when I (18M) first became attracted to someone (19-20M, not sure atp) in one of my high school classes. He was in the grade above me at the time (graduated now). At first it was just a simple little crush, until my friends started hyping me up ("you should totally make your move!", "he could be bi!") etc; I was stupid to believe any of that, but friends will be friends and I'm sure they were just trying to help. Anyway, that's when the fantasies started. You know, the idealizations and the "what if" scenarios playing in your head constantly. The feelings only got worse from there, and it got to the point where my main motivation for going to school every day was to see him.
Honestly, I can count on my fingers the number of total interactions I've had with this guy, yet for some reason I felt like floating on air every time I even made eye contact with him across the classroom. I remember one time being assigned to his group for a project and feeling like I had just won the lottery. I didn't know exactly what my feelings were or why I had them, but I knew that sitting around and pining wouldn't get me very far. Eventually, I realized that graduation was lingering and that after that, I would probably never see him again. So I decided I would tell him my feelings, and I knew exactly when I would do it: the two of us would be going on a school music trip, and we happened to be put in the same hotel room. I told myself that I would tell him on the last night of our trip, and though I nearly chickened out, I did it. I told him, and got the response that I was both expecting and silently dreading.
He was honestly as chill and respectful about it as anyone could be, really. He told me that he understood my feelings and that I couldn't control them but, as I expected, he wasn't gay. He even said that this situation did not have to make things awkward between us at school. We both even laughed about it a little bit. In the moment, I was exhilarated that I had finally done it. I had gotten my feelings off my chest, excited that I had gotten closure and could move on, or so I thought.
It wasn't until the next morning at home, when I tried to get out of bed, that reality hit me. Suddenly, that motivation I talked about before was gone, with nothing to take its place. It was as if the weight I felt lift off my chest when I confessed to LO had been replaced with an even heavier one. It took every ounce of my strength to drag myself out of bed and into school that morning.
That trip was a year and two months ago. I kept seeing him in class every day, casting small glances at him with every chance I got. Before I confessed, I was attached and hopeful. After, I was still attached and just...empty. A few months later, he graduated, and I haven't talked to him since. I haven't told many people this, but he still occupies my mind every single day, as does the memory of my confession. I can't look at any pictures of him or hear people talk about him without getting sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's because I still feel something for him, if I'm embarrassed about how I confessed (I said the big "ILY;" was VERY anxious in the moment and didn't know what else to say), or if I'm still subconsciously hoping for something to happen, or if I'm scared of seeing him again because he stayed home and didn't go to college, or something else. What I do know is that I don't think I loved this boy, as I didn't really know him enough. That's something he suggested when I confessed, actually, and I've realized that it's true.
It's been a year since I last saw him, and now my own graduation is nearing. My life couldn't be going better: I have good grades, a great group of friends, and I'll be attending the college of my dreams next year. Yet, after all of those joys and triumphs, my mind always finds its way back to him, every interaction we've ever had replaying in my head like a broken record, and this odd, ever-lasting pain just gnawing away at me.
I guess I just hope to God that I'll meet the person who's meant for me when I go to college. Even if I don't, I just want the pain to stop. It's not debilitating, but it's there, and it's awful. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Sorry for the long post. Needed it off my shoulders.
2024.05.14 12:22 versethewrld but what if it was my fault
I don’t know if my experience is justifiable because I feel like it was my own fault for putting myself in that position. For nearly a year I kind of just ignored everything about it and “dealt” but not really because the feelings are resurfacing and I’m dreaming about it again. I’ve struggled a lot with my mental health over the years and I’ve become avoidant and I tend to suppress traumas and invalidate my pain. And I’m sorry, this is going to be long.
There was a guy that I was dating and I want to say he was the love of my life. We had been close friends for 3 years and made it official around May last year. In July there was a huge house party my girl friends and I were going to. We had been planning to go for weeks and I had told my boyfriend about it. My friends had said they hadn’t seen much of me since I became a girlfriend and I felt bad about this. My ex randomly texts me and asks me if I’m going to said party, I tell him yes and he says he can get me and my friends free drinks. I tell him I have a bf and he seemingly respects this but says the drinks are up for grabs. I tell my friends and they are more than eager, and one of them tells me she prefers my ex to my current bf and that I should flirt with him too. About a day before the party, my bf tells me he’s going to the party too. I got upset about it because it was supposed to be time I spent with my friends and it’s not like I can ignore him if he’s there. I tell him I don’t want him to go in a joking manner and I don’t say, but why we both end up going to the party. At the party my ex sees me and calls me over. We make a bit of small talk, and says whenever me or my friends want a drink we should find him. We ended up drinking quite a lot that night and my ex kept getting us drinks. At some point he gets tired of the back and forth and shows me where I can get drinks from myself and it’s in this room.
(I’m new to Reddit so I don’t know if I should put a tw, but tw) While he’s opening the drinks and finding a cup I sit on the bed and lie back because sitting up was too much effort. I tell him I got a new belly piercing to fill the silence and he asks to see. I was being a bit flirty and I was teasing and said no, but he kept saying please and whatnot and says he won’t let me leave if I don’t show him. Now he’s standing over me and I’m feeling uncomfortable. I say I should go but he says I should wait and he’s pulling my dress up to see. Then he says it’s nice and starts going on about how he misses me and starts touching me and that my bf won’t know. At this point idk what to do because he’s not listening to me so I just let him do what he does and wait it out. When he’s done he goes to the bathroom and comes back with a bunch of tissues and throws them onto me then leaves back to the party.
I got up feeling sobered up but really I was telling myself what happened wasn’t real. I clean myself up and go back to the party. My boyfriend finds me and says he’d been looking for me and I say I was with my friends but he said he was with my friends. I know he is suspicious but doesn’t say anything. He knows of my ex because he’s the guy I lost my virginity to (and every time we’ve slept together I have never been sober. Which looking back was very problematic actually.) my bf and ex even greeted each other some time earlier in the night. I never said anything about it to anyone but the next day my friend said she and my bf noticed me missing at the party and were looking for me. This is the same friend who prefers my ex. She then "made the connection" because I had said I was getting drinks from my ex and said she covered for me bc she thought it was something I had intended on doing but I didn't correct her because I was scared and didn't want to face the reality of what I had experienced. A while after my bf and I decided to be friends again for the time being but still spoke every day. I thought about telling him what had happened that night but I was scared it would change how he saw me.
I ended up cutting off my friend because she just wasn't really a good person and our values didn't align and a whole lot of other things and she wasn't too happy about it. Fast forward like 6 months my bf and now ex-friend meet at a party and I'm guessing spitefully she told him what "I had done" all those months ago. He called me to ask if it was true and I didn't have it in me to tell him what actually happened so I said yes and he cut me off and blocked me everywhere because I lied to him about it. I don't know what to do because I love him so much but this part of me feels too painful to share. He thinks I'm a cheater now but I feel like it’s too late to explain because he said he wants nothing to do with me.
I regret not saying anything but I also feel like it’s my fault because why was I even entertaining my ex and accepting things from him? Why did I go to a room and flirtatiously tell him I have a belly piercing? I thought I was getting over it all but now I’m just angry at myself and I think I blame myself because the idea of being a victim has never sat well with me. There’s a lot messed up with that I know. But anyways that’s me. I’m not even sure if this is supposed to be under this specific thread. If it’s not I’m sorry.
submitted by versethewrld to assaultsurvivors [link] [comments]
There was a guy that I was dating and I want to say he was the love of my life. We had been close friends for 3 years and made it official around May last year. In July there was a huge house party my girl friends and I were going to. We had been planning to go for weeks and I had told my boyfriend about it. My friends had said they hadn’t seen much of me since I became a girlfriend and I felt bad about this. My ex randomly texts me and asks me if I’m going to said party, I tell him yes and he says he can get me and my friends free drinks. I tell him I have a bf and he seemingly respects this but says the drinks are up for grabs. I tell my friends and they are more than eager, and one of them tells me she prefers my ex to my current bf and that I should flirt with him too. About a day before the party, my bf tells me he’s going to the party too. I got upset about it because it was supposed to be time I spent with my friends and it’s not like I can ignore him if he’s there. I tell him I don’t want him to go in a joking manner and I don’t say, but why we both end up going to the party. At the party my ex sees me and calls me over. We make a bit of small talk, and says whenever me or my friends want a drink we should find him. We ended up drinking quite a lot that night and my ex kept getting us drinks. At some point he gets tired of the back and forth and shows me where I can get drinks from myself and it’s in this room.
(I’m new to Reddit so I don’t know if I should put a tw, but tw) While he’s opening the drinks and finding a cup I sit on the bed and lie back because sitting up was too much effort. I tell him I got a new belly piercing to fill the silence and he asks to see. I was being a bit flirty and I was teasing and said no, but he kept saying please and whatnot and says he won’t let me leave if I don’t show him. Now he’s standing over me and I’m feeling uncomfortable. I say I should go but he says I should wait and he’s pulling my dress up to see. Then he says it’s nice and starts going on about how he misses me and starts touching me and that my bf won’t know. At this point idk what to do because he’s not listening to me so I just let him do what he does and wait it out. When he’s done he goes to the bathroom and comes back with a bunch of tissues and throws them onto me then leaves back to the party.
I got up feeling sobered up but really I was telling myself what happened wasn’t real. I clean myself up and go back to the party. My boyfriend finds me and says he’d been looking for me and I say I was with my friends but he said he was with my friends. I know he is suspicious but doesn’t say anything. He knows of my ex because he’s the guy I lost my virginity to (and every time we’ve slept together I have never been sober. Which looking back was very problematic actually.) my bf and ex even greeted each other some time earlier in the night. I never said anything about it to anyone but the next day my friend said she and my bf noticed me missing at the party and were looking for me. This is the same friend who prefers my ex. She then "made the connection" because I had said I was getting drinks from my ex and said she covered for me bc she thought it was something I had intended on doing but I didn't correct her because I was scared and didn't want to face the reality of what I had experienced. A while after my bf and I decided to be friends again for the time being but still spoke every day. I thought about telling him what had happened that night but I was scared it would change how he saw me.
I ended up cutting off my friend because she just wasn't really a good person and our values didn't align and a whole lot of other things and she wasn't too happy about it. Fast forward like 6 months my bf and now ex-friend meet at a party and I'm guessing spitefully she told him what "I had done" all those months ago. He called me to ask if it was true and I didn't have it in me to tell him what actually happened so I said yes and he cut me off and blocked me everywhere because I lied to him about it. I don't know what to do because I love him so much but this part of me feels too painful to share. He thinks I'm a cheater now but I feel like it’s too late to explain because he said he wants nothing to do with me.
I regret not saying anything but I also feel like it’s my fault because why was I even entertaining my ex and accepting things from him? Why did I go to a room and flirtatiously tell him I have a belly piercing? I thought I was getting over it all but now I’m just angry at myself and I think I blame myself because the idea of being a victim has never sat well with me. There’s a lot messed up with that I know. But anyways that’s me. I’m not even sure if this is supposed to be under this specific thread. If it’s not I’m sorry.
2024.05.14 12:22 Little-Draft5827 Opening up after being sexually abused
We recently opened up a relationship, which opened up past wounds.
In the past, I was raped and later, sexually abused. I had many years to process it; as a result I limited my social interactions to the level where I can exist peacefully without many triggers.
I have friends, although an introvert I have a pretty active social life. I need a lot of alone time to reconnect with myself.
I want to ask the community if there is a way to get past the triggers and build a fulfilling life?
What I’m feeling lately is anxiety, fear, and grief. You don’t need to recommend me books, I’m pretty sure I’ve read them all.
I want to hear about your personal experiences and possible get advice.
P.S. it’s possible that my partner will go on dates while I do my internal work and tune in when I feel like it… but how long will it take…
submitted by Little-Draft5827 to polyamory [link] [comments]
In the past, I was raped and later, sexually abused. I had many years to process it; as a result I limited my social interactions to the level where I can exist peacefully without many triggers.
I have friends, although an introvert I have a pretty active social life. I need a lot of alone time to reconnect with myself.
I want to ask the community if there is a way to get past the triggers and build a fulfilling life?
What I’m feeling lately is anxiety, fear, and grief. You don’t need to recommend me books, I’m pretty sure I’ve read them all.
I want to hear about your personal experiences and possible get advice.
P.S. it’s possible that my partner will go on dates while I do my internal work and tune in when I feel like it… but how long will it take…
2024.05.14 12:20 VinceyMoon AITA/Advice?! I feel awful for thinking of applying for DA visa after splitting with my narcissistic husband
Hello you lovely Spuds!
I'm an American expat living in England with my husband and our child (F7). My husband and I have been together for 8 years, our daughter was a happy accident but it took me at least 6 years to see my husband was the one I should not have kept.
For background: he is an alocholic since day 1, he made me thank him profusely for deciding to stay for the baby because he just wants to live his own life as a bohemian artist, he made us late for our own baby shower because he screamed at me and threw food at me for 2 hours in a parking lot because I bought him some Mcdonalds breakfast due to him being newly wasted at 9am, he proposed to me because his dad was visiting and wanted him to be proud of him - and when he saw his dad was drunk and missed it he got so angry and made us all go home - and then forgot he even proposed, (for the record, I didn't say yes because his friends were pouring beer on us and I wasn't sure I wanted to marry him but he told everyone I said yes and I wasn't capable of standing up for myself at the time). The day of our wedding I wore black and watched a zombie film in the bath haha that's not part of the story just something I'll always remember as symbolic. Of course he was wasted for our family meal reception and kept trying to dry hump his male friend which was weird, but ok. Then ruined seeing Phantom of the Opera for our honeymoon and then admitted to sleeping with his ex when I was newly pregnant (that he repeatedly told me I was crazy for thinking he'd sleep with that 'expletive expletive'). It gets a lot worse for about 3 years while we were in separate countries and waiting on a visa for me as our daughter and I visited a few times for a few months. Lots of binged weekends where he would be gone for days doing various illicit substances and lots of alcohol.
Fast forward to about a year ago and we al live together in England, still having binge days and sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good. the final straw was last March when I had mentioned I might go to a mums-night-out as I didn't feel like I had many friends at the time in England, and he said "I can deal with you being a shit wife but I can't deal with you being a shit mother" because my daughter didn't want me to be gone. Later he told me he only said it to hurt me. The moment he said that to me was the moment everything I was holding onto just died. I'm a massive planner and decided to learn what I actually want out of my life and how to make my own choices and have significantly leveled up since then, I made a 110 page life plan that broke down my life into 13 categories - I was serious about change. I watched "how to talk to narcisstist" videos and stopped allowing him to talk down to me and drive conversations in circles. It was last March when I made this shift and I've just managed to move out last weekend! In that year, he broke my fridge, ruined my bed because he doesn't shower, and shattered my oven glass door because "I made him angry by telling my friends about the situation and making him look bad." He never bought anything because he doesn't work, and the money he does get from his art doesn't go into the family or home. Oh also, I'm his second marriage as he has a case in the states against him for DV but said he only hit her back "in self defence" and he is a wonderful storyteller, clearly. I know, I'm an idiot.
ALL THAT BEING SAID, my visa relies on being married to him and I now have to urgently choose to pay £5k to apply as a parent to my English daughter and will be restarting the whole 5 year visa process which will end in over £10k -or- I could apply for the Domestic Abuse visa which in the long run is waaaaay better for me and my daughter but he would know I did that and would be so angry as he's told me off for "playing the victim" when I reported him to the police and social workers needed to get involved. Since this new year we've had a mostly good relationship as we live completely separate lives and have agreements where our daughter is involved. I feel awful because his parents have helped me so much throughout the visa process and with getting my English license and a car, and until last week I lived in a granny annexe in his mothers back garden with him. I feel like if I apply for DA then its like a slap in the face to his family for everything they've done for me and could potentially isolate myself and my daughter from family in the UK. They know about his character but choose not to acknowledge it and think we just need work things out. I also feel like as it wasn't physical abuse that I am sort of "playing the victim" and shouldn't deserve to apply for it. I don't want to bring my daughter back home to the states as I'm very happy with the safety and quality of life here for her compared to where I'm from, also I'm not even sure if I could as I'd be then taking her away from her dad and english family and friends.
Am I the asshole for wanting to make this massive decision that would then legally label him as an abuser (in the UK) as it would be the most beneficial route for me and my daughter?
Lastly- I am receiving professional support and not relying on internet crowdsourcing support, I'm just so stressed and nervous and there are massive time gaps with the professional support where I 120% overthink these things!!!
submitted by VinceyMoon to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
I'm an American expat living in England with my husband and our child (F7). My husband and I have been together for 8 years, our daughter was a happy accident but it took me at least 6 years to see my husband was the one I should not have kept.
For background: he is an alocholic since day 1, he made me thank him profusely for deciding to stay for the baby because he just wants to live his own life as a bohemian artist, he made us late for our own baby shower because he screamed at me and threw food at me for 2 hours in a parking lot because I bought him some Mcdonalds breakfast due to him being newly wasted at 9am, he proposed to me because his dad was visiting and wanted him to be proud of him - and when he saw his dad was drunk and missed it he got so angry and made us all go home - and then forgot he even proposed, (for the record, I didn't say yes because his friends were pouring beer on us and I wasn't sure I wanted to marry him but he told everyone I said yes and I wasn't capable of standing up for myself at the time). The day of our wedding I wore black and watched a zombie film in the bath haha that's not part of the story just something I'll always remember as symbolic. Of course he was wasted for our family meal reception and kept trying to dry hump his male friend which was weird, but ok. Then ruined seeing Phantom of the Opera for our honeymoon and then admitted to sleeping with his ex when I was newly pregnant (that he repeatedly told me I was crazy for thinking he'd sleep with that 'expletive expletive'). It gets a lot worse for about 3 years while we were in separate countries and waiting on a visa for me as our daughter and I visited a few times for a few months. Lots of binged weekends where he would be gone for days doing various illicit substances and lots of alcohol.
Fast forward to about a year ago and we al live together in England, still having binge days and sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good. the final straw was last March when I had mentioned I might go to a mums-night-out as I didn't feel like I had many friends at the time in England, and he said "I can deal with you being a shit wife but I can't deal with you being a shit mother" because my daughter didn't want me to be gone. Later he told me he only said it to hurt me. The moment he said that to me was the moment everything I was holding onto just died. I'm a massive planner and decided to learn what I actually want out of my life and how to make my own choices and have significantly leveled up since then, I made a 110 page life plan that broke down my life into 13 categories - I was serious about change. I watched "how to talk to narcisstist" videos and stopped allowing him to talk down to me and drive conversations in circles. It was last March when I made this shift and I've just managed to move out last weekend! In that year, he broke my fridge, ruined my bed because he doesn't shower, and shattered my oven glass door because "I made him angry by telling my friends about the situation and making him look bad." He never bought anything because he doesn't work, and the money he does get from his art doesn't go into the family or home. Oh also, I'm his second marriage as he has a case in the states against him for DV but said he only hit her back "in self defence" and he is a wonderful storyteller, clearly. I know, I'm an idiot.
ALL THAT BEING SAID, my visa relies on being married to him and I now have to urgently choose to pay £5k to apply as a parent to my English daughter and will be restarting the whole 5 year visa process which will end in over £10k -or- I could apply for the Domestic Abuse visa which in the long run is waaaaay better for me and my daughter but he would know I did that and would be so angry as he's told me off for "playing the victim" when I reported him to the police and social workers needed to get involved. Since this new year we've had a mostly good relationship as we live completely separate lives and have agreements where our daughter is involved. I feel awful because his parents have helped me so much throughout the visa process and with getting my English license and a car, and until last week I lived in a granny annexe in his mothers back garden with him. I feel like if I apply for DA then its like a slap in the face to his family for everything they've done for me and could potentially isolate myself and my daughter from family in the UK. They know about his character but choose not to acknowledge it and think we just need work things out. I also feel like as it wasn't physical abuse that I am sort of "playing the victim" and shouldn't deserve to apply for it. I don't want to bring my daughter back home to the states as I'm very happy with the safety and quality of life here for her compared to where I'm from, also I'm not even sure if I could as I'd be then taking her away from her dad and english family and friends.
Am I the asshole for wanting to make this massive decision that would then legally label him as an abuser (in the UK) as it would be the most beneficial route for me and my daughter?
Lastly- I am receiving professional support and not relying on internet crowdsourcing support, I'm just so stressed and nervous and there are massive time gaps with the professional support where I 120% overthink these things!!!
2024.05.14 12:20 elia_mannini Should i give it another try?
Hello there, meditation practicers, i have a little story to share, either the aim of having a question answered.
In genuary 2019, inspired by the alleged benefits in the fields of astract intelligence and memory, i decided to set myself on the path towards betterment by practicing meditation.
The types of meditation i begun practicing stayed the same since 2019, when i thought “this new year i will dedicate time and effort towards this goal” were mindfulness and breathing meditation, and i kept practicing only those two.
I had a lot more struggles than i expected at first, for the first two weeks i had issues meditating at all, and the following month i could not stay fully focused and meditate for more than 15 minutes a day. Eventually i begun making progress, feeling my mind become slower and drowsy and with a slightly higher focus on my feelings.
I slowly and steadily dedicated more time to meditation before good to sleep, specifically because in late 2020 the quarantine have me a lot of free time for myself at home hehe. And for more than two years it became common practice to do 25 minutes of meditation per day after i woke up.
The fact is, despite my relentless dedication to this cause, other than a vague feeling or serenity and having a bit of time to do nothing and thus focusing, by early 2021, two years later… no tangible improvement was made, i still score the same in memory and iq tests, i have noticed no tangible effect when it comes to daily life and how it feels.
Since it is scientifically proven that meditation is effective, i seized the chance still in 2021 to go to a meditation summit in florence, where i discussed about my issues with other practitioners, and long story short they said that if i am experiencing issues but i am doing well, then it’s just a matter of how long it takes for me to feel the benefits, and not to give up.
I considered that i might just not be that good anyway, so i have decided to pay to join the local “guided meditation sessions” regularly. There i realized that having gone alone all along might have been suboptimal, mainly because in 2022 i was able to talk with other practitioners (one of which became my lover and she still is my sweet half).
The point is that despite my teacher saying that i am doing well, i fail to see the time i invested as productive because of lackluster results, there had been no benefits that investing my tome in something more fun like hobbies and friends hadn’t given me. After 3 years i still hadn’t improved my scores in the practical tests i use to measure my progress.
Still in 2022 my lover quit meditation sessions, since she was told by her psychologist to do them for anxiety, and she had found other more efficient ways to reduce her anxiety levels, and i considered following her because i begun to have a sense of sadness and defeat instead of focus during mindfulness, probably induced by how deep inside after years of incredibly small gains, i knew to me it was not worth it.
After that, in late 2022 i became more open about my distress with other practitioners i knew, no longer concerned with making meditation awkward afterwards, and this is where “disaster” struck: They have been very open in return, sharing more open in return about their deeper issues and insecurities, and they told me that meditation helped them organize their thoughts, reduce stress, anxiety, being more aware about themselves…
The point is, none of those aspects apply to me! You can’t reduce stress to someone who is not stressed, anxiety to someone who is not anxious, or organization to someone that had never struggled with daily life.
And in short, one of the practitioners, who is a neurologist, told me that the benefits of meditation are scientifically indistinguishable from most healthy hobbies, and that more than half the value of mindfulness is placebo effect. In fact, she told me that someone who is already healthy is unlikely to experience tangible improvements.
After this disconcerting revelation, I overreacted and i quit meditating altogether for more than a year, from late 2022 to today. Once again i felt no difference whatsoever during this year and a half, but when i think about how many people feel happy about meditation (albeit happy about things i am not concerned about like breathing, introspection etcetera), and frankly my desperate desire to prove myself i have not wasted an ungodly amount of time because i have learned something from that experience, here i am.
Have i done something wrong? Are all the articles about actual improvements in psychological effort just bullshit and i fell for that? Would you suggest i resume my efforts even if by now i have became sceptic?
submitted by elia_mannini to Meditation [link] [comments]
In genuary 2019, inspired by the alleged benefits in the fields of astract intelligence and memory, i decided to set myself on the path towards betterment by practicing meditation.
The types of meditation i begun practicing stayed the same since 2019, when i thought “this new year i will dedicate time and effort towards this goal” were mindfulness and breathing meditation, and i kept practicing only those two.
I had a lot more struggles than i expected at first, for the first two weeks i had issues meditating at all, and the following month i could not stay fully focused and meditate for more than 15 minutes a day. Eventually i begun making progress, feeling my mind become slower and drowsy and with a slightly higher focus on my feelings.
I slowly and steadily dedicated more time to meditation before good to sleep, specifically because in late 2020 the quarantine have me a lot of free time for myself at home hehe. And for more than two years it became common practice to do 25 minutes of meditation per day after i woke up.
The fact is, despite my relentless dedication to this cause, other than a vague feeling or serenity and having a bit of time to do nothing and thus focusing, by early 2021, two years later… no tangible improvement was made, i still score the same in memory and iq tests, i have noticed no tangible effect when it comes to daily life and how it feels.
Since it is scientifically proven that meditation is effective, i seized the chance still in 2021 to go to a meditation summit in florence, where i discussed about my issues with other practitioners, and long story short they said that if i am experiencing issues but i am doing well, then it’s just a matter of how long it takes for me to feel the benefits, and not to give up.
I considered that i might just not be that good anyway, so i have decided to pay to join the local “guided meditation sessions” regularly. There i realized that having gone alone all along might have been suboptimal, mainly because in 2022 i was able to talk with other practitioners (one of which became my lover and she still is my sweet half).
The point is that despite my teacher saying that i am doing well, i fail to see the time i invested as productive because of lackluster results, there had been no benefits that investing my tome in something more fun like hobbies and friends hadn’t given me. After 3 years i still hadn’t improved my scores in the practical tests i use to measure my progress.
Still in 2022 my lover quit meditation sessions, since she was told by her psychologist to do them for anxiety, and she had found other more efficient ways to reduce her anxiety levels, and i considered following her because i begun to have a sense of sadness and defeat instead of focus during mindfulness, probably induced by how deep inside after years of incredibly small gains, i knew to me it was not worth it.
After that, in late 2022 i became more open about my distress with other practitioners i knew, no longer concerned with making meditation awkward afterwards, and this is where “disaster” struck: They have been very open in return, sharing more open in return about their deeper issues and insecurities, and they told me that meditation helped them organize their thoughts, reduce stress, anxiety, being more aware about themselves…
The point is, none of those aspects apply to me! You can’t reduce stress to someone who is not stressed, anxiety to someone who is not anxious, or organization to someone that had never struggled with daily life.
And in short, one of the practitioners, who is a neurologist, told me that the benefits of meditation are scientifically indistinguishable from most healthy hobbies, and that more than half the value of mindfulness is placebo effect. In fact, she told me that someone who is already healthy is unlikely to experience tangible improvements.
After this disconcerting revelation, I overreacted and i quit meditating altogether for more than a year, from late 2022 to today. Once again i felt no difference whatsoever during this year and a half, but when i think about how many people feel happy about meditation (albeit happy about things i am not concerned about like breathing, introspection etcetera), and frankly my desperate desire to prove myself i have not wasted an ungodly amount of time because i have learned something from that experience, here i am.
Have i done something wrong? Are all the articles about actual improvements in psychological effort just bullshit and i fell for that? Would you suggest i resume my efforts even if by now i have became sceptic?
2024.05.14 12:19 bestboopnow Magic-focused MC
I'm craving the itch for MAGIC
Too many MCs are gettin' in there with their fists and stuff, nah, that ain't it. Gimme some goddayumn spell-slinging mofo that stands at the back and uses weird obscure ways of using the magic or uses a ritual to break the world or smth, I don't care I just need magic it's been too long since I've read some.
Here's what I've read: (feel free to use as recommendations) (I listen to audiobooks for everything)
This does not include semi-magic-wielding MCs, pure magic, or at least pure-magic focused. Not including things like MCs that mainly sling magic guns and not a wide variety of magic tools. Not including dungeon core.
I have about 200~ titles in my library, don't think that just because this list is long I listen to mostly magic stuff, I don't, although I wish I did
submitted by bestboopnow to litrpg [link] [comments]
Too many MCs are gettin' in there with their fists and stuff, nah, that ain't it. Gimme some goddayumn spell-slinging mofo that stands at the back and uses weird obscure ways of using the magic or uses a ritual to break the world or smth, I don't care I just need magic it's been too long since I've read some.
Here's what I've read: (feel free to use as recommendations) (I listen to audiobooks for everything)
- Mother of Learning
- amazing
- Beneath the Dragoneye Moons
- also amazing
- The Completionist Chronicles
- a guilty pleasure, I love Dakota Krout but he's better at being funny than writing compelling narratives
- Mageling
- I gotta finish it, seemed pretty good
- Mage Errant
- I really liked it, I love schools in stories
- Secrets and Spellcraft
- Still in the middle of it, pretty slow but also good
- Paranoid Mage
- I love the ideas presented, he just gets caught up in explanation too much, book 2 a little better at that and haven't read past it, I dearly intend to eventually, it's certainly not a book series you can binge but one you have to let it last for a while
- Dear Spellbook
- It doesn't feel like it gives much reason to keep reading on, I love time loops however so it was enjoyable
- Fate's Anvil
- I'm not sure why I got book 2, I never read it
- Legend of the Arch Magus
- I really enjoyed it, can't wait for more, although I don't think it's very good it's more like a guilty pleasure
- Somnia Online
- I was on a VRMMO itch when I found this, adored it, bit slow
- Chronicle Series
- Honestly I've read this series probably twice and I genuinely cannot remember a thing from it, I genuinely do not know if it should even go it this list or what it's about, the blurbs don't help either
- Rise of the Mystic Mage
- Excuse me but when did book 2 come out I loved book one, I just bought it and it's already my next read, although I am still looking
- Never Die Twice
- I loved The Perfect Run sososo much I keep trying to like this book but it's always like at a bad time I get into it, I'll finish and love it one day
- Saga Online
- I remember really enjoying it but also found it a bit of a slog at times. It had amazing and memorable moments but a lot of what felt like filler
- The Unwanteds
- Nothing to do with LitRPG I found this bc of my mum, I love the magic so much but books get to be more of a slog with each one, book one was amazing, stuck in book 4
- Magic 2.0
- Honestly this might have played a small role in why I became a programmer (specifically a game designer), I love the coding is magic in this and it was like my first listen on audible, going back to it to finish it a few years later was hard because it's a bit of a slog but I love it nonetheless
- Awaken Online
- Guilty pleasure of mine, been following the story for years and years, my friend says it's not that good and he's a media studies nerd so I trust his judgement on that, I enjoy it a lot
- Wolfman Warlock
- Same universe as completionist chronicles from a different author, loved it just as much, see its entry near the top
- New Era Online
- I keep seeing people liking this book but it's just so much talk from about how this and that works and general thoughts, it should be naturally included into the dialogue or the worldbuilding I get bored and zone out for important bits, let me know if it's really worth it
This does not include semi-magic-wielding MCs, pure magic, or at least pure-magic focused. Not including things like MCs that mainly sling magic guns and not a wide variety of magic tools. Not including dungeon core.
I have about 200~ titles in my library, don't think that just because this list is long I listen to mostly magic stuff, I don't, although I wish I did
2024.05.14 12:19 Ok_Sun5895 Saw possible human trafficking victims today at gas station?
I’m kicking myself for this. Today I was at a Wawa gas station. My friend went inside to buy some snacks and get gas for her car. We were parked by the pump. I see a woman with a small 4 ish year old boy walking around. She’s holding his hand. The women was maybe late 30’s blonde dyed hair. She looked Cuban to me. I’m in Florida so I can spot a Cuban women they dress style themselves a certain way . I noticed her hair mainly because of how pretty the style was and the way it was bleached. She definitely was keeping herself looking clean and classy. She had a sad domineer on her face that gave me an uneasy feeling. I tend to have a bad/good gift of reading people’s eyes and what they are feeling and all I saw was the face of an abused victim. How she was slouched and her body language seemed so off. Like she was scared of somebody or something. She goes up to this random man pumping gas and at this point I was on my phone talking to someone when I couldn’t hear what she asked him but the man was very cold and violently told her off when she approached him with the child. I didn’t hear what she asked but I’m guessing it was about money and I could tell by his tone he was mad. She walked past my car and I was about to ask her if she’s okay when she went straight to this green van. The type of van that is notorious for kidnapping kids. A large Hispanic man was in the drivers side with a leaner Hispanic man. I thought at first she was going to ask them for money but she sheepishly went up to the drivers window and said something. He gestured her to get inside and I pulled my phone out again to try to get a video. She went inside with the boy and in the back there was another girl child. She looked about ten. Both of the kids must be related since they have a darker complexion and similar features. She was very pale compared to them. She looked frightened going inside the van. At one point the man noticed me pointing my phone and he sped off. I couldn’t get a license plate. All I remember that it was an out of state plate with a grey blue plate.After that whole ordeal I can’t shake off the feeling that she must of been in danger and those kids. I got a blurry video of the van and the two men and that’s it. I’m mad that maybe I should have done more. My friend said the cops wouldn’t have done anything. The women just looked like she was being forced to go around and ask whatever she was asking. It was weird to me that she completely ignored me and was only going to men. I’ve been approached/seen countless people asking me for money before but this is the first time I’ve seen this type of situation give me a bad gut feeling. I don’t even know what to do at this point. I was wondering if there is a data base of possible missing people specifically Hispanic. Her face looked familiar like I’ve seen her somewhere.
submitted by Ok_Sun5895 to RBI [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 12:18 Melodic-Cupcake6211 Dysfunctional Team
My team is dysfunctional. It's a leadership issue that's spreading to everything. We don't even play well together anymore. I've looked into other teams but I can't make the commute right now. I really want to play derby and this the only option for me if I want to keep it up.
The board is really cliquish. They all party together and if you're not drinking with them, you basically don't exist. Friends of the board get special treatment. If a board member or their friend is injured, has a big accomplishment, or has a birthday, they get a card. If you're not in that circle, they ignore you.
How do I just play and ignore the middle school drama? I mean that literally. I can give specific examples without doxxing myself. There are several people who have expressed that they feel unwelcome. The board acts sympathetic and I think they really are. They're not willing to make any changes that would inconvenience them.
I should leave the league. I just really want to play for another couple of years. Anyone have an advice?
I know several of my teammates read this subreddit. I also know this problem isn't uncommon, especially on WFTDA teams. If you're reading this and think it's about you, don't ask your teammates. Do better. We can all work to be a little kinder and supportive.
submitted by Melodic-Cupcake6211 to rollerderby [link] [comments]
The board is really cliquish. They all party together and if you're not drinking with them, you basically don't exist. Friends of the board get special treatment. If a board member or their friend is injured, has a big accomplishment, or has a birthday, they get a card. If you're not in that circle, they ignore you.
How do I just play and ignore the middle school drama? I mean that literally. I can give specific examples without doxxing myself. There are several people who have expressed that they feel unwelcome. The board acts sympathetic and I think they really are. They're not willing to make any changes that would inconvenience them.
I should leave the league. I just really want to play for another couple of years. Anyone have an advice?
I know several of my teammates read this subreddit. I also know this problem isn't uncommon, especially on WFTDA teams. If you're reading this and think it's about you, don't ask your teammates. Do better. We can all work to be a little kinder and supportive.
2024.05.14 12:18 MagicalMusical1 Snow White vs Snow White Debunk
 | https://preview.redd.it/p94gmf5jbd0d1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=c46cb17b87dbca0da690eb4fb1e31af33a82523b submitted by MagicalMusical1 to DeathBattleMatchups [link] [comments] Hey everyone, MuscialMagical-1 here. I’ve been noticing a lot of debunks recently, so that must mean that they’re really popular and that I should make one as well. And luckily for me, there’s some idiot named MagicalMusical1 who just so happened to make what I consider the WORST matchup ever, so I’m going to absolutely debunk it now. I’ve wanted to do this for a while, since my original post on the matchup was when I was just starting out writing connections. It’s still my number one favorite matchup of all time, and I’m not going to stop pushing for it, so let’s run this back again.Didn’t ask. Moving on. Note: SINoALICE lore is confusing and there’s just straight up multiple different versions of Snow White. I’m getting all my information from what I believe is the main incarnation of the character (Character Descriptions of the original classes, and the Main Story of SINoALICEWhy are you debunking yourself not even a minute into your connections list. Are you stupid? Also, I am absolutely prepared to yap back, so you’re the one who should be taking caution Core Theme: Two similarly named characters who fight for justice by taking down those who are evil after the loss of those close to them. As their journeys progress, both will struggle with being their ideal selves, and be filled with self-doubt. However, there’s a very notable contrast with their paths of justice and how they handle their flaws.You’re already putting these connections on your connections list anyways, so I don’t have to debunk this part at all Two major characters in series that are darker takes of their respective genres (Magical Girls/Fairy Tales) with the two taking direct inspiration from those older media (MGRP Snow White’s design is based on classic magical girl outfits/SoA Snow White is literally a stand in for the Snow White in the original fairy tale)First connection in and there’s already so much wrong here. First of all, Magical Girls and Fairy Tales are not similar in the slightest. Second of all, bro have you seen magical girl and fairy tale shit dude. This weird girl named Minky Mono literally gets hit by a truck and in the original Snow White, The Prince literally orders the Queen to wear a pair of red-hot iron slippers and to dance in them until she drops dead. Those both are so much darker than whatever you’re trying to say here. And lastly (Yes I’m still not done yet), comparing clothing to in your words “literally a stand in for the Snow White in the original fairy tale” What an absolutely comparable connection They were initially naive, believing in the good in others despite the many times they’ve been proven wrong (MGRP Snow White believed that magical girls were pure, righteous champions of justice, even as the death game was ongoing and after she’d been attacked multiple times by other magical girls/SoA Snow White didn’t recognize the seven dwarves treating her like a slave, and even after her mother tried to kill her, she still wanted to forgive her)This one isn’t too bad, since at the very least you’re comparing people that tried to kill both, but then you decided to put slavery into this one, really? However, their breaking point would come after the deaths of those they were close to (La Pucelle and Hardgore Alice/The Prince). Both would blame themselves for these incidents (MGRP Snow White would believe that she was useless as she didn’t take any action that could’ve prevented these incidents/SoA Snow White would blame herself for letting the death of her prince occur, exclaiming that she’ll never forgive what happened)Okay and now we’re back to the bad stuff. See, MagicalMusical1 uses “those they were close to” to hide how incomparable these people are. The Prince is literally her lover and husband, while La Pucelle and Hardgore Alice are just her friends. From there, both would swear to use their strong senses of justice to never let these events happen ever again, deciding to go out and defeat those who are evil to make the world a better place (MGRP Snow White taking it upon herself to capture rogue magical girls/SoA Snow White swearing to punish all evil and enforce justice).Erm, actually one is only fighting a certain type of person while the other is punishing all evil. This isn’t comparable in the slightest Their personalities shift into stoic fighters who are ruthless to their enemies, yet still kind to those they consider allies.Generic as fuck. While we would never directly see these characters administer their justice (It is only stated that MGRP Snow White was able to capture around 30 rogue magical girls/It’s implied that SoA Snow White ruled over her nation as an good enforcer of justice and changed some endings of stories for the better), we will see their paths changing as they go on a journey for another person important to them. (MGRP Snow White goes around trying to look for any clues regarding the whereabouts of Ripple/SoA Snow White goes around killing nightmares in order to revive her authors, The Grimm Brothers)Firstly, MagicalMusical I know that you don’t actually have the evidence that SoA Snow White ruled her nation as a good enforcer of justice and only are getting that from her TV Tropes page. Secondly, bro why are you doing the “person important to them” shit again. The Grimm Brothers are literally SoA Snow Whites’ creators while Ripple is just MGRP Snow White’s friend. On these new paths, they try to hold on to their ideals, but over time, their flaws become apparent, and they begin to doubt themselves. (MGRP Snow White continues to get roped up into deadly situations but unable to save everyone like she wants to, causing her to not believe herself to be deserving of her title of Magical Girl HunteSoA Snow White begins to doubt her justice as she continues the immoral path of killing sentient and potentially innocent beings in order to achieve her goal, with the voices of those she killed haunting her)Ah yes, one is regretting not saving enough people while the other is regretting killing. I can absolutely see the connection there (Breaking character for a moment, holy shit that’s actually another badass contrast this matchup has now that I think about it.) Extra connections that aren’t really about major story beats/are kinda a stretch thanks to the aforementioned multiple different versions of SoA Snow White in the main story, but still interesting to note the coincidental similarities these two share:Again, please stop debunking yourself in your own connections list please. And these aren’t even safe either. Both deal with manipulative mascot-type characters that try to drive both, and other characters like them to kill each other. (Fav, manipulating the events of Unmarked to turn it into a magical girl death exam/Parrah and Noya, who force the cast kill each other, most notably in Act of Elimination)Parrah and Noya are puppets, please tell me where the “mascot-type” comes from. While initially put off by these characters at first, both would eventually have a friendship with an Alice in Wonderland inspired character with a darker color scheme and a theme of obsession (Hardgore Alice, who is very focused on being with Snow White and protecting heAlice, who has a theme of bondage and feels heavily attached to her author)Okay, not only are these characters obsessed with two different people, but one’s named Alice and the other is named Hardgore Alice. Completely incomparable. Both are noted to be very beautiful (Magical Girls in MGRP are described to be “too beautiful to be human”/SoA Snow White, similarly to the story she’s based on, has incredible beauty that mesmerized everyone in her country)Bro this connection is so generic that I literally cannot find anything to debunk about it. Both would eventually be reunited with the person they were looking for, only for an unforeseen event to occur that caused them to lose said important person once again and cause the two to be broken once again (MGRP Snow White would be able to find Ripple, but in her mind control we state, Ripple would kill someone and run away once the mind control wore off, leaving MGRP Snow White to feel helpless and lose hope for a moment/SoA Snow White eventually revives her author in Act of Authors, only for Henrietta Dorothea Wild to be revived instead, and after Snow White killed her, her justice was put into question, leading to herself falling into despair)Okay, I already said how the important people here aren’t comparable so I'll just say that MGRP Snow White’s friend is killing someone while SoA Snow White is the one doing the killing. In different points in their stories, both get involved with deadly mobile games with the same name as their series. (The death exam that MGRP Snow White would be involved with would begin due to the Magical Girl Raising Project mobile game/Act of SINoALICE takes place in the real world, with the characters having to deal with nightmares that spawned due to the in-universe SINoALICE mobile game)The death exam happens in the beginning of MGRP Snow White’s story while Act of SINoALICE happens near the end of SoA Snow White’s story. Unsure about this one yet as MGRP: Red isn’t translated yet, but from what I’ve heard, both would battle, and lose, to another version of themselves who has less qualms with killing (Homunculus Snow White/Reality Snow White)I’m skipping this one too as I haven’t read MGRP: Red either. It’s probably wrong tho. Both have a connection to Batman of all characters (MGRP Snow White has been called the Batman of Magical Girls by the fanbase due to her backstory and the fact that she has a supercomputer assistant mascot/SINoALICE did a collab with DC Comics, with Snow White getting a class where she dressed as Batman) (Yeah this is a huge stretch, but the fact that you can make this stretch at all is the funniest thing ever)Damn all three of these connections are actually solid (especially the Batman one) I have nothing to say here Contrasts:What? These aren’t connections. I don’t have anything to say here because the only thing that really matters are connections. So that’s all for the connections, but the potential is bad as well. There’s literally no reason why MGRP Snow White wouldn’t just ignore SoA Snow White, and I don’t see why SoA Snow White would care about MGRP Snow White since she didn’t really care about Reality Snow White in Act of Elimination. And the fight potential reeks as well, you’re taking SoA Snow White, a character with swords, bows, polearms, hammers, orbs, instruments, books, staffs, literal nightmares, against someone with only one weapon and then MagicalMusical1 then tries to say that Half-Nightmare Snow White will be used in the fight when that’s never happened in the main story of SINoALICE. Debate:I’m skipping this. I literally do now know what MagicalMusical1 is yapping about here. So in conclusion, aside from debatability this matchup literally appeals to me on all fronts. A combination of good and funny connections, coupled with an amazing contrast. Interesting dynamics in both the fight and interactions. The potential for a very emotional story. And it uses obscure series and characters, one of whom is my favorite fictional character of all time and the other is also a strong contender. Yeah in my opinion this matchup is peak.Nah bro, in conclusion this matchup sucks. It has bad connections, bad potential, and I forgot to say anything about the story but that probably sucks as well. And you’re using two obscure characters that will never be on Death Battle in the first place, so why even bother? So no, this matchup isn’t peak at all. Besides, both have better anyways with Snow White vs Madoka Kaname and Snow White vs Kafka Hibano …What the fuck did I just write? |
2024.05.14 12:17 AirportOk3598 My dear friend,
How many years has it been now? Going on 5, at least. I think nobody has ever made me feel as seen as you. Nobody has ever made me feel quite like you. You are absolutely right. I am lost. Some days I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything is blurry, a camera with a broken focus. You are my anchor, but also the horizon I look upon. I miss you so much. I miss your hugs, the way you take up space. I was so comfortable on your couch, head very nearly in your lap. I know if I told you that I needed you you would be here. You have threatened to kidnap me if I needed it, part of me wants to dare you to, see if you’re serious. But I feel like I already ask too much from this distance. I am happy that I am lucky enough to be your friend, but I go to sleep hoping that I’ll have another dream about you. I can’t deny that it hurts. You’re never going to look at me like you look at him. You’re never going to hold me while I fall asleep. You aren’t going to show up here with flowers. You’re never going to trail kisses down my face, my dreams be dammed. I thought I had accepted all of this a long time ago, we simply aren’t compatible in the ways I know matter to you, but apparently I haven’t. I think there is a piece of me that will always belong with you, even if it’s not held in your heart. I love how your mind works. You’re intelligent and I love being challenged by you. I love the conversations we have. I love your laugh, your eyes, your smile, your warmth. I hope someday I’ll be able to communicate how much your really mean to me. I wish we loved the same.
submitted by AirportOk3598 to letters [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 12:15 Wildeply2960 My proposed ending to Beyond The Spider-Verse.
I was reflecting about the themes of the first two movies, and I wondered what the third one's theme could be.
If the first movie's theme was about "Anyone can wear the mask,
And the second film's theme was the question, "Can my individuality co-exist with the demands of the mask?"
The answer could be the theme of the third film, "Yes, and if the demands of the mask don't fit you, then make your own demands. I wear the mask. The mask doesn't wear me."
Here's how I feel like the ending of "Beyond" could be, with Rio and Jeff knowing his secret identity by now:
(Voice over)
"My name is Miles Morales, I was bitten by a radioactive spider. I am New York's one and only Spider-Man. I was once told that it meant letting those closest to me get hurt. However, I think the opposite is true. Spider-Man doesn't have to be a curse. It doesn't have to be a burden. If you need sleep, then sleep. (Show Miles having fallen asleep in his costume). "Let others take the weight off you." (Show Jeff as a cop running to his police car, showing that Spidey can take a night off). If you need a break. Take a break. (Show Miles and Gwen together). It's okay. The city won't fall apart. Spend time with those you love. (Show Rio, Jeff, Gwen, and Miles on the couch together). "You see, being Spider-Man means a lot to me." (Show him swinging through the city). "But so does being Miles Morales." (Show Miles reconnecting with the other neighborhood kids from the start of the first movie). You can do both. You CAN have your cake and eat it too. (Show Miles presenting Jeff with another cake saying, "I'm proud of you, Dad. I love you"). What good is being Spider-Man if you can't share it with the people you love? (Show Rio and Jeff watching Miles leap off the roof as Spider-Man, and they both yell, "Hey, be careful!!")
(Show Miles yelling faintly through the mask, "I always am!")
Rio and Jeff as they stare at Miles swinging into the sunset sky. Rio leans her head on Jeff.
Rio, "You think he'll be okay?"
Jeff- "Yeah. We did a good job raising him."
(As Miles swings into the city, he sees Spider-Gwen swinging with him).
They're shown swinging farther and farther away into the sun, as Miles narrates:
"I think the other Spider-people made the mistake of thinking they had to suffer. That it somehow made them into better heroes. But Peter didn't become Spider-Man because his Uncle Ben died. He became Spider-Man because of what his Uncle Ben taught him, and I didn't become Spider-Man because I watched Uncle Aaron die. I became Spider-Man because of what he taught me when he was alive. Just keep fighting. You're the best of all of us. Just keep going. And I always will.
Oh and Uncle Aaron, that girl I told you about?
It worked out."
(End of Beyond)
Something similar would be the ultimate mic drop.
I suppose I could include what happens to Hobie and the gang, but since I haven't actually seen Beyond, I really can only guestimate the following things:
1.) Jeff and Rio will find out Miles' secret identity.
2.) Miles and Gwen get together.
3.) Somehow Miles has made peace with his Earth-42 version prior to this.
4.) Miles adopted Gwen's mentality of "finding their own band."
5.) My theory is that Miguel will realize he was wrong about his calculations and eventually apologize to Miles. It'd take Miles a moment to forgive him, but he'd ultimately accept the apology--even if not becoming friends with the guy. Miles would say something like, "We're cool. Give you advice though? You need to get some help, man. Some serious help."
(That would be the end of their interaction)
6.) Not sure where Jessica Drew ends up. She's the biggest mystery to me.
7.) Miguel would get some kind of chastising from Rio. Not sure how, but Rio would go OFF on him. Especially if Miguel tracks Miles down, fights him, and his secret identity gets revealed by accident. In some way, Rio would cuss this dude out in Spanish, likely after Miles and Miguel make peace with each other.
8.) How Dark Miles and Spot get involved will be a mystery.
9.) Spot will die by getting stuck in some sort of eternal loop. He would basically keep falling into an infinite number of holes and not be able to stop it.
10.) Rio and Jeff accept Miles' secret identity. Jeff would be like, "So you're the one who gave me the advice ----whaaa?"
11.) Near the movie's end, Rio would make an offhand comment about having contacted Vision school administration to complain about the guidance counselor profiling their son. "Poor immigrant family."
These are my theories for how this movie will end. Thoughts? Additions?
submitted by Wildeply2960 to BeyondSpiderVerse [link] [comments]
If the first movie's theme was about "Anyone can wear the mask,
And the second film's theme was the question, "Can my individuality co-exist with the demands of the mask?"
The answer could be the theme of the third film, "Yes, and if the demands of the mask don't fit you, then make your own demands. I wear the mask. The mask doesn't wear me."
Here's how I feel like the ending of "Beyond" could be, with Rio and Jeff knowing his secret identity by now:
(Voice over)
"My name is Miles Morales, I was bitten by a radioactive spider. I am New York's one and only Spider-Man. I was once told that it meant letting those closest to me get hurt. However, I think the opposite is true. Spider-Man doesn't have to be a curse. It doesn't have to be a burden. If you need sleep, then sleep. (Show Miles having fallen asleep in his costume). "Let others take the weight off you." (Show Jeff as a cop running to his police car, showing that Spidey can take a night off). If you need a break. Take a break. (Show Miles and Gwen together). It's okay. The city won't fall apart. Spend time with those you love. (Show Rio, Jeff, Gwen, and Miles on the couch together). "You see, being Spider-Man means a lot to me." (Show him swinging through the city). "But so does being Miles Morales." (Show Miles reconnecting with the other neighborhood kids from the start of the first movie). You can do both. You CAN have your cake and eat it too. (Show Miles presenting Jeff with another cake saying, "I'm proud of you, Dad. I love you"). What good is being Spider-Man if you can't share it with the people you love? (Show Rio and Jeff watching Miles leap off the roof as Spider-Man, and they both yell, "Hey, be careful!!")
(Show Miles yelling faintly through the mask, "I always am!")
Rio and Jeff as they stare at Miles swinging into the sunset sky. Rio leans her head on Jeff.
Rio, "You think he'll be okay?"
Jeff- "Yeah. We did a good job raising him."
(As Miles swings into the city, he sees Spider-Gwen swinging with him).
They're shown swinging farther and farther away into the sun, as Miles narrates:
"I think the other Spider-people made the mistake of thinking they had to suffer. That it somehow made them into better heroes. But Peter didn't become Spider-Man because his Uncle Ben died. He became Spider-Man because of what his Uncle Ben taught him, and I didn't become Spider-Man because I watched Uncle Aaron die. I became Spider-Man because of what he taught me when he was alive. Just keep fighting. You're the best of all of us. Just keep going. And I always will.
Oh and Uncle Aaron, that girl I told you about?
It worked out."
(End of Beyond)
Something similar would be the ultimate mic drop.
I suppose I could include what happens to Hobie and the gang, but since I haven't actually seen Beyond, I really can only guestimate the following things:
1.) Jeff and Rio will find out Miles' secret identity.
2.) Miles and Gwen get together.
3.) Somehow Miles has made peace with his Earth-42 version prior to this.
4.) Miles adopted Gwen's mentality of "finding their own band."
5.) My theory is that Miguel will realize he was wrong about his calculations and eventually apologize to Miles. It'd take Miles a moment to forgive him, but he'd ultimately accept the apology--even if not becoming friends with the guy. Miles would say something like, "We're cool. Give you advice though? You need to get some help, man. Some serious help."
(That would be the end of their interaction)
6.) Not sure where Jessica Drew ends up. She's the biggest mystery to me.
7.) Miguel would get some kind of chastising from Rio. Not sure how, but Rio would go OFF on him. Especially if Miguel tracks Miles down, fights him, and his secret identity gets revealed by accident. In some way, Rio would cuss this dude out in Spanish, likely after Miles and Miguel make peace with each other.
8.) How Dark Miles and Spot get involved will be a mystery.
9.) Spot will die by getting stuck in some sort of eternal loop. He would basically keep falling into an infinite number of holes and not be able to stop it.
10.) Rio and Jeff accept Miles' secret identity. Jeff would be like, "So you're the one who gave me the advice ----whaaa?"
11.) Near the movie's end, Rio would make an offhand comment about having contacted Vision school administration to complain about the guidance counselor profiling their son. "Poor immigrant family."
These are my theories for how this movie will end. Thoughts? Additions?
2024.05.14 12:14 Meat-Grinder- Is this too one-sided?
Hi all,
Over the past month I’ve (M22) been intimately seeing this girl (F21). She’s in my college course and I’ve been friends with her since the start of February.
She came on to me heavily when she learned that I became single 2 months ago, and we let it develop slowly into something I’m really enjoying. She’s hilarious, beautiful, and she makes me work for her attention. But - sometimes I feel like it’s too much.
When we see each other (outside of classes etc.), it’s always down to me asking her over to my place, or out to dinner, or to the pub etc. She will always happily oblige even when I say “hey, we can rearrange if you’d like”, and we go on to have a great time. But it’s always me. I even had to invite myself to a movie with her that she wanted to see - and she fully admitted that she mentioned it to get me on board. She won’t ask me to do anything herself!
Additionally , in bed, and in general, the affection I give often feels unreturned. After intimacy, I’ll often “dote” on her, giving her little kisses around her head/body etc and holding her hands. I know she enjoys this (I stopped one night cause I was sleepy and she asked me to do it again), however she never really returns it.
It just feels so one-sided, and I’m not desperate, you know? I can do without it, it’s very early days, but it does still hurt cause I think she’s great. I want her to communicate how she truly feels about me cause at the same time I make her laugh and I can see in her mannerisms that she’s into me. Whenever I pay her compliments, I just get a “thank you” in response, just feels like I’m talking to a brick wall in that regard. It’s like she doesn’t know how to give affection for someone.
I understand that I’ve only been seeing her for a little while - but we’ve both made it clear that we’re not looking for something short. I guess internally I don’t hold my cards close to my chest - maybe I should a little more?
I dunno. Thanks for reading :)
TL;DR: I’ve been giving one-sided affection to a girl that I know is in to me. I’m struggling with the fact that she might not know how to give affection because I really like her
submitted by Meat-Grinder- to relationships [link] [comments]
Over the past month I’ve (M22) been intimately seeing this girl (F21). She’s in my college course and I’ve been friends with her since the start of February.
She came on to me heavily when she learned that I became single 2 months ago, and we let it develop slowly into something I’m really enjoying. She’s hilarious, beautiful, and she makes me work for her attention. But - sometimes I feel like it’s too much.
When we see each other (outside of classes etc.), it’s always down to me asking her over to my place, or out to dinner, or to the pub etc. She will always happily oblige even when I say “hey, we can rearrange if you’d like”, and we go on to have a great time. But it’s always me. I even had to invite myself to a movie with her that she wanted to see - and she fully admitted that she mentioned it to get me on board. She won’t ask me to do anything herself!
Additionally , in bed, and in general, the affection I give often feels unreturned. After intimacy, I’ll often “dote” on her, giving her little kisses around her head/body etc and holding her hands. I know she enjoys this (I stopped one night cause I was sleepy and she asked me to do it again), however she never really returns it.
It just feels so one-sided, and I’m not desperate, you know? I can do without it, it’s very early days, but it does still hurt cause I think she’s great. I want her to communicate how she truly feels about me cause at the same time I make her laugh and I can see in her mannerisms that she’s into me. Whenever I pay her compliments, I just get a “thank you” in response, just feels like I’m talking to a brick wall in that regard. It’s like she doesn’t know how to give affection for someone.
I understand that I’ve only been seeing her for a little while - but we’ve both made it clear that we’re not looking for something short. I guess internally I don’t hold my cards close to my chest - maybe I should a little more?
I dunno. Thanks for reading :)
TL;DR: I’ve been giving one-sided affection to a girl that I know is in to me. I’m struggling with the fact that she might not know how to give affection because I really like her
2024.05.14 12:13 Informal_Valuable302 25F here JEALOUS OF MY FRIENDS,PEOPLE ON REELS WHEN THEY SPEAK OF THEIR LOVE LIFE OR SEX LIFE
I AM 25year old woman I always feel like i dont love my husband well enough i try to give him everything possible but i feel i dont love enough like other people whenever i hear my friends or people on instagram reels saying how much they love their spouse i start feeling low that i lag behind all of them ofcourse i am not in competition it just makes me feel low some bad feeling on my heart, my spouse is good kind always confronts me but still something keeps making me feel i am low nothing compared to others love for their spouse i feel jealous of people on reels romance novels movies or my friends whenever they speak anything related to their love for their spouse also when i hear them speaking about their sex life i feel i am not at all horny like them that i dont satisfy pleasure my husband like them i think i have low libido i feel so shame i feel so bad i think i can never love enough as great as others pls help me
**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.
submitted by Informal_Valuable302 to relationships [link] [comments]
**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.
2024.05.14 12:13 Popular-Recover8880 Questions about my Zurich Managed Fund
Quick "about me":
submitted by Popular-Recover8880 to irishpersonalfinance [link] [comments]
- I'm 32 years old and on €37,000 euros yearly. Not much I know but that's my situation that I'm trying to improve
- I have just gotten married
- Regrettably I only started investing a year and a half ago
- Currently I have 250 euros monthly going into a managed Zurich fund
- Up until the last 3 months, I've been availing of Prisma 5 solely
- Over the past 3 months, I've started putting 50% into 5 star 5 and 50% into Prisma 5
- over the last 3 months, I've also been far more aggressive with putting in considerably more money that I can afford to contribute from my savings account into the managed fund. I gamble on the side as a hobby, but study football closely and have made inside of an honest thousand this season. Any money I win goes directly to Zurich
- as things stand, I have managed to contribute a total of €8,514 overall - where the value of the fund (after tax) now sits at €8,996
- 19.63% is currently allocated to 5 star 5 and 80.37% is currently allocated to Prisma 5
- I know what you'll say about this next point - however, you should know that I'm a risk taker at heart and for the better or for the worse I've put €3,000 into bitcoin. I know nothing about Crypto except that it is a volatile market and a mug's bet as far as I'm concerned but it's 3 grand that I'm comfortable with losing. I engaged with crypto because my friend - who also knows nothing about Crypto - made a pretty sizable fortune when he invested before it started rallying earlier this year.
- How much is a strong amount to have invested come 5 years time as regards Zurich Fund?
- Should I make adjustments as to how I allocate the monthly payments?
- Should I leave the cryptomarket and solely finance the Zurich investment?
- if I'm making more one-off payments towards the Zurich fund, how much should I allocate to either investment? (IE: if I were to add €1000 into it today, should I split the allocation down the middle?).
- is there anything standing out here that you would do differently if you were in my shoes?
2024.05.14 12:13 harpoon2k One of those verses that sums up salvation theology and Christian faith
John 15: 9-17:
I have told you this so that my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete."
I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing.
I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. "
submitted by harpoon2k to Christianity [link] [comments]
- God loved us first and loves us all.
- Jesus tells us how not to lose our salvation and the explicit call of obedience. We have to respond to that grace. It is not a passive faith
I have told you this so that my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete."
- What is Christ's explicit commandment, or what does he require of us? How do I become a good Christian?
- How do we strengthen our faith and relationship with Christ?
I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing.
I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. "
- Without God, we can do nothing.
- What does God want from me or expect from me?
2024.05.14 12:10 EmilioExpresso My Experience for those Anxious - Australian Procedure
Hey guys,
Many Reddit posts really helped me in the run up to my exam, so I want to tell you my story to ease anyone else's anxiety for their screening.
This is gonna be a long read so only read along if you're wanting every detail of this journey.
A few months ago I admitted myself to ED as I was having blood clots coming out in my stool. I have had many years of bleeding stool and hemorrhoid issues but this was the first time it had happened with blood clotting.
I was asked to stay overnight but before I left I asked for a referral for a colonoscopy so at least I went home with something moving forward.
It was in the public system so it was a few months until I could get an appointment but the run up to it I was frightened about mostly the results and the sedation.
This was in Australia so the sedation option is Midazolam and Fentanyl. It's a twilight sedation and something I've never experienced before.
In the two weeks running up to it, I expressed to my psychologist of my fears and she suggested asking my GP for quick action anxiety medication.
My GP prescribed me Diazapam and suggested I take it before I leave the house.
Fast forward to the day before. I stopped eating at 2pm and started my first PLENVU dose at 7pm. Initial bowel movements weren't so bad. Maybe went 6 times over the course of the night and it slowed down by midnight and I was able to get about 6 hours sleep.
I drank lemonade, apple juice, bone broth, sucked on Werther's originals and basically tried to keep belly full of sugar and liquids to stave off hunger.
Next morning I woke up at 7am, time for dose two. This one was much more intense when it came to bowel movements. I must have gone about over 10 times in the morning and twice more at the hospital. PLENVU isn't horrendous tasting. It's very salty and viscous but drunken cold with a straw and chasing it with lemonade, it was fine. I drank as much fluid as I could before I stopped all fluid intake at 10am. I think the worst part of the prep is not the hunger but the hours after 10am and before the procedure is the intensity of the thirst. I took my 5mg of Diazapam at 10am and this helped a lot with fighting back the anxiety and nerves.
I got to the hospital, checked in easily enough and was lucky they had a good system. I arrived at 12pm for a 1:30pm procedure.
Nurses were lovely and cannulated me with ease. I expressed my nerves and one of the assistant nurses explained I would be in a Twilight sleep on Midazolam and Fentanyl and depending on how my body reacts I could be aware of what's going on, could talk to them the whole time or go straight to sleep.
Turns out, I didn't go under basically at all. I was talking to them the whole time and they were holding my hand. I may have conked out for a second here or there with no memory but I basically watched the entire footage of the scope and at one point asked for more Midazolam as it hit a bit of a sore spot.
What a was 20-30 mins felt like 5 minutes. They then banded my hemorrhoids in the same procedure.
I didn't feel it initially but as soon as I got to recovery the pain of my bands set in but the nurse was so quick to check on my pain levels and what she initially gave as Panadol turned into Oxycodone and that helped a lot.
I'm back home now and my butt still hurts through the painkillers a bit but a banding isn't a part of every procedure but something that was given as an option to me during and I was more than happy to accept.
Turns out bleeding seems to be hemorrhoid related and that shouldn't be as big of an issue once I heal from the banding.
But yeah, I found the prep way more of a breeze than I thought and all I can say is if given the option of unsedated or sedated, choose sedation cos at least you have the option to ask for more pain relief if you remain conscious. Or if you're knocked out and propofol is your option, that would probably be even more pain free than my experience.
There really isn't much to fear and now my fear of going back to get another one is basically nil. Especially since the staff were so patient and friendly to me. They really made it everything so much smoother and calming.
I know this is a long read but I hope it helps someone heading into their upcoming procedure.
submitted by EmilioExpresso to colonoscopy [link] [comments]
Many Reddit posts really helped me in the run up to my exam, so I want to tell you my story to ease anyone else's anxiety for their screening.
This is gonna be a long read so only read along if you're wanting every detail of this journey.
A few months ago I admitted myself to ED as I was having blood clots coming out in my stool. I have had many years of bleeding stool and hemorrhoid issues but this was the first time it had happened with blood clotting.
I was asked to stay overnight but before I left I asked for a referral for a colonoscopy so at least I went home with something moving forward.
It was in the public system so it was a few months until I could get an appointment but the run up to it I was frightened about mostly the results and the sedation.
This was in Australia so the sedation option is Midazolam and Fentanyl. It's a twilight sedation and something I've never experienced before.
In the two weeks running up to it, I expressed to my psychologist of my fears and she suggested asking my GP for quick action anxiety medication.
My GP prescribed me Diazapam and suggested I take it before I leave the house.
Fast forward to the day before. I stopped eating at 2pm and started my first PLENVU dose at 7pm. Initial bowel movements weren't so bad. Maybe went 6 times over the course of the night and it slowed down by midnight and I was able to get about 6 hours sleep.
I drank lemonade, apple juice, bone broth, sucked on Werther's originals and basically tried to keep belly full of sugar and liquids to stave off hunger.
Next morning I woke up at 7am, time for dose two. This one was much more intense when it came to bowel movements. I must have gone about over 10 times in the morning and twice more at the hospital. PLENVU isn't horrendous tasting. It's very salty and viscous but drunken cold with a straw and chasing it with lemonade, it was fine. I drank as much fluid as I could before I stopped all fluid intake at 10am. I think the worst part of the prep is not the hunger but the hours after 10am and before the procedure is the intensity of the thirst. I took my 5mg of Diazapam at 10am and this helped a lot with fighting back the anxiety and nerves.
I got to the hospital, checked in easily enough and was lucky they had a good system. I arrived at 12pm for a 1:30pm procedure.
Nurses were lovely and cannulated me with ease. I expressed my nerves and one of the assistant nurses explained I would be in a Twilight sleep on Midazolam and Fentanyl and depending on how my body reacts I could be aware of what's going on, could talk to them the whole time or go straight to sleep.
Turns out, I didn't go under basically at all. I was talking to them the whole time and they were holding my hand. I may have conked out for a second here or there with no memory but I basically watched the entire footage of the scope and at one point asked for more Midazolam as it hit a bit of a sore spot.
What a was 20-30 mins felt like 5 minutes. They then banded my hemorrhoids in the same procedure.
I didn't feel it initially but as soon as I got to recovery the pain of my bands set in but the nurse was so quick to check on my pain levels and what she initially gave as Panadol turned into Oxycodone and that helped a lot.
I'm back home now and my butt still hurts through the painkillers a bit but a banding isn't a part of every procedure but something that was given as an option to me during and I was more than happy to accept.
Turns out bleeding seems to be hemorrhoid related and that shouldn't be as big of an issue once I heal from the banding.
But yeah, I found the prep way more of a breeze than I thought and all I can say is if given the option of unsedated or sedated, choose sedation cos at least you have the option to ask for more pain relief if you remain conscious. Or if you're knocked out and propofol is your option, that would probably be even more pain free than my experience.
There really isn't much to fear and now my fear of going back to get another one is basically nil. Especially since the staff were so patient and friendly to me. They really made it everything so much smoother and calming.
I know this is a long read but I hope it helps someone heading into their upcoming procedure.
2024.05.14 12:09 PushLumpy8150 I’m so sick of my life
I turn 18 in a few hours and I really couldn’t feel worse about it, I cried so many times about it already and feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I don’t know how to describe the horrific sickening feeling that I have and how miserable and fucking sad and angry it makes me.
I posted (and deleted) a while ago about how wretched I felt about turning 18 because I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE IT TO 18. My whole life so fucked up I just wish it would fucking end here and I don’t understand why God can’t just let me die instead of having my life fucked up by this disease EVERY YEAR.
No fucking 17 year old should have to endure the absolute sick and twisted shit I endure and still have to live and act like a normal person every day . I hate this nightmare.
I don’t want to celebrate shit, I just want to cry my eyes out. And you know what…, my birthday is fucking meaningless anyway my family doesn’t even remember that it’s my bday lol, and I’m a lonely mf bitch so I have no friends that’ll remember it either. I have no school and will be home alone all day and just wish this day will pass by asap. I wish I was never fucking born, so what reason is there to celebrate anyway? I hate hate HATE birthdays. And I hate HATE the age that is 18 and the fact that I’m an adult now oh my god
I’m just so fucking tired I’m so so tired like my brain is failing me every mf day and it’s fucked up to the point of no return, it’s so fried it feels like I’ve been a mf drug addict or something for 10 years (never came near drugs or alcohol or even vaping once). My memory’s so so fucked up I feel like a dementia patient like it’s actually so so horrible. I worked so hard to get into my dream university and it felt like fucking NOTHING, and for me the silver lining of my shitty, depressing teenagehood is that at least university is ahead of me which I was really looking forward to..
but of course I don’t deserve nothing good in life and now I might not even go because of my DPDR and how much it’s fucked me up again. Even if I go it won’t be any different, it’s just going to be the nightmare that it is rn plus 100x worse while attending. But I can’t describe how dreadful it feels to even have uni experience already being messed up for me like it just feels like the universe is working against me in every aspect of my life???? It feels like I’m about to die or that I’m actually rotting every single day and I’m just so tired.
I’m really sorry for the rant but I wanted to post something and once I started writing I couldn’t stop lol. My head hurts so much lol.
submitted by PushLumpy8150 to depression [link] [comments]
I posted (and deleted) a while ago about how wretched I felt about turning 18 because I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE IT TO 18. My whole life so fucked up I just wish it would fucking end here and I don’t understand why God can’t just let me die instead of having my life fucked up by this disease EVERY YEAR.
No fucking 17 year old should have to endure the absolute sick and twisted shit I endure and still have to live and act like a normal person every day . I hate this nightmare.
I don’t want to celebrate shit, I just want to cry my eyes out. And you know what…, my birthday is fucking meaningless anyway my family doesn’t even remember that it’s my bday lol, and I’m a lonely mf bitch so I have no friends that’ll remember it either. I have no school and will be home alone all day and just wish this day will pass by asap. I wish I was never fucking born, so what reason is there to celebrate anyway? I hate hate HATE birthdays. And I hate HATE the age that is 18 and the fact that I’m an adult now oh my god
I’m just so fucking tired I’m so so tired like my brain is failing me every mf day and it’s fucked up to the point of no return, it’s so fried it feels like I’ve been a mf drug addict or something for 10 years (never came near drugs or alcohol or even vaping once). My memory’s so so fucked up I feel like a dementia patient like it’s actually so so horrible. I worked so hard to get into my dream university and it felt like fucking NOTHING, and for me the silver lining of my shitty, depressing teenagehood is that at least university is ahead of me which I was really looking forward to..
but of course I don’t deserve nothing good in life and now I might not even go because of my DPDR and how much it’s fucked me up again. Even if I go it won’t be any different, it’s just going to be the nightmare that it is rn plus 100x worse while attending. But I can’t describe how dreadful it feels to even have uni experience already being messed up for me like it just feels like the universe is working against me in every aspect of my life???? It feels like I’m about to die or that I’m actually rotting every single day and I’m just so tired.
I’m really sorry for the rant but I wanted to post something and once I started writing I couldn’t stop lol. My head hurts so much lol.
2024.05.14 12:09 PushLumpy8150 I’m so sick of my life
I turn 18 in a few hours and I really couldn’t feel worse about it, I cried so many times about it already and feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I don’t know how to describe the horrific sickening feeling that I have and how miserable and fucking sad and angry it makes me.
I posted (and deleted) a while ago about how wretched I felt about turning 18 because I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE IT TO 18. My whole life so fucked up I just wish it would fucking end here and I don’t understand why God can’t just let me die instead of having my life fucked up by this disease EVERY YEAR.
No fucking 17 year old should have to endure the absolute sick and twisted shit I endure and still have to live and act like a normal person every day . I hate this nightmare.
I don’t want to celebrate shit, I just want to cry my eyes out. And you know what…, my birthday is fucking meaningless anyway my family doesn’t even remember that it’s my bday lol, and I’m a lonely mf bitch so I have no friends that’ll remember it either. I have no school and will be home alone all day and just wish this day will pass by asap. I wish I was never fucking born, so what reason is there to celebrate anyway? I hate hate HATE birthdays. And I hate HATE the age that is 18 and the fact that I’m an adult now oh my god
I’m just so fucking tired I’m so so tired like my brain is failing me every mf day and it’s fucked up to the point of no return, it’s so fried it feels like I’ve been a mf drug addict or something for 10 years (never came near drugs or alcohol or even vaping once). My memory’s so so fucked up I feel like a dementia patient like it’s actually so so horrible. I worked so hard to get into my dream university and it felt like fucking NOTHING, and for me the silver lining of my shitty, depressing teenagehood is that at least university is ahead of me which I was really looking forward to..
but of course I don’t deserve nothing good in life and now I might not even go because of my DPDR and how much it’s fucked me up again. Even if I go it won’t be any different, it’s just going to be the nightmare that it is rn plus 100x worse while attending. But I can’t describe how dreadful it feels to even have uni experience already being messed up for me like it just feels like the universe is working against me in every aspect of my life???? It feels like I’m about to die or that I’m actually rotting every single day and I’m just so tired.
I’m really sorry for the rant but I wanted to post something and once I started writing I couldn’t stop lol. My head hurts so much lol.
submitted by PushLumpy8150 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]
I posted (and deleted) a while ago about how wretched I felt about turning 18 because I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE IT TO 18. My whole life so fucked up I just wish it would fucking end here and I don’t understand why God can’t just let me die instead of having my life fucked up by this disease EVERY YEAR.
No fucking 17 year old should have to endure the absolute sick and twisted shit I endure and still have to live and act like a normal person every day . I hate this nightmare.
I don’t want to celebrate shit, I just want to cry my eyes out. And you know what…, my birthday is fucking meaningless anyway my family doesn’t even remember that it’s my bday lol, and I’m a lonely mf bitch so I have no friends that’ll remember it either. I have no school and will be home alone all day and just wish this day will pass by asap. I wish I was never fucking born, so what reason is there to celebrate anyway? I hate hate HATE birthdays. And I hate HATE the age that is 18 and the fact that I’m an adult now oh my god
I’m just so fucking tired I’m so so tired like my brain is failing me every mf day and it’s fucked up to the point of no return, it’s so fried it feels like I’ve been a mf drug addict or something for 10 years (never came near drugs or alcohol or even vaping once). My memory’s so so fucked up I feel like a dementia patient like it’s actually so so horrible. I worked so hard to get into my dream university and it felt like fucking NOTHING, and for me the silver lining of my shitty, depressing teenagehood is that at least university is ahead of me which I was really looking forward to..
but of course I don’t deserve nothing good in life and now I might not even go because of my DPDR and how much it’s fucked me up again. Even if I go it won’t be any different, it’s just going to be the nightmare that it is rn plus 100x worse while attending. But I can’t describe how dreadful it feels to even have uni experience already being messed up for me like it just feels like the universe is working against me in every aspect of my life???? It feels like I’m about to die or that I’m actually rotting every single day and I’m just so tired.
I’m really sorry for the rant but I wanted to post something and once I started writing I couldn’t stop lol. My head hurts so much lol.
2024.05.14 12:09 gobnyd I just am so sad
I'm so tired. I'm 41. Started having lower back spasms at 11. Doctors were like, huh, that's weird, kid. Welp, enjoy your life.
Got very active and fit, that kept it mosty at bay during my teenage years. Back pain returned in young adulthood. Cried on the way to work on the bus. Knelt on the floor to type at work. Got a part time job so I didn't have to sit as much. Migraines slowly started over the years. Back would go out 3 to 4 times a year regularly but I was very active. Kept asking doctors why do I get so much back pain? They were like "Iunno, some people are more prone to it. Welp, enjoy your life!"
I pulled myself heroically back to some decent functionality after a few years of painful and exhausting experimentation.
Was getting back into enjoying life. Then new knee pain (chondromalacia) took away roller skating which was my favorite activity in life and probably the thing that kept me strong. I've been working on my knee since 2020 and I still haven't made progress with all the PT. No one knows what to do for it. It's so incredibly frustrating and it's what kept me from skating and hiking. I try to keep active with walking and PT exercises, but nothing equals skating for joy and for strengthening.
I finally piece together the the diagnosis of EDS through my own reading, brought it to my doctors, who confirmed. (Wish I could get paid for doing their jobs for them!)
Then, one day, my seemingly loving husband of 12 years abandoned with no warning (He actually secretly moved out while I was gone for the weekend and let me know by email that he wanted a divorce, saying that my recent diagnosis made me a ticking time bomb waiting to ruin our lives)
The shock and pain and fear.
Fast forward 2 years through the trauma of utter blindsided betrayal by someone I thought was my best friend and loving life partner, and the mental trauma of being forced to do a whole divorce and fight for my future needs with someone who screamed at me that I didn't deserve any alimony at all because I created all this suffering in my head to manipulate care out of him (Yes, that was his point of view. I can't explain it. It's nuts. It's basically total denial I think, His twisted rationale to make this my fault and to make abandoning a loving wife with chronic pain acceptable)
I haven't worked in years. I don't qualify for disability because I stopped working gradually, before I had a diagnosis, and I trusted my husband. So now I don't have enough recent work credits for disability.
Ironically I was doing relatively well physically when he left. I actually had some hope. Then, out of the blue a year after he left, I developed chronic tailbone pain. I haven't been able to sit down without pain for over a year. It's really a hard condition to treat, no solution in sight but strengthening, which I'm used to and I'm ready to do...
... but my hips have started possibly subluxing in the last few months? I've never had trouble there before because I've historically been very active. I don't drive. I walk everywhere, so those muscles get a lot of exercise.
Now it hurts to lift my leg when I lay on my side, feels like it's stuck like I have to rotate my leg in order to properly lift it. Sometimes I get a sharp pain in the back part where the top of the thigh bone is. Aching today. I know I have a labral tear in that leg.
I'm suspecting this slow loss of my physical activity has finally weakened my hip/butt area, allowing my hips to sublux for the first time?
And I've JUST gotten over an exhausting trial of LDN which backfired on me (It caused completely new peripheral neuropathy to appear in my hands and feet and then set my migraines to become chronic, every day, for over a month)
It's literally been 3 days since the amitriptyline has finally kicked in and I've gone a day or two without migraine. I just started to be able to think again.
But this hip pain is taking me down mentally. It feels like the last straw.
How can I exercise when despite my best efforts, I keep adding injury after injury? They're stacking up. They don't have solutions. I can't climb my way out.
I'm terrified because I can't sit. I can't even use a wheelchair if my hips give out. How the fuck am I supposed to live? Am I going to be bed bound? Thus far it has taken me working at peak functionality to get enough exercise to keep my body together. Functionality has taken a nose dive for years now, despite my best efforts.
How much more can I fucking take?
I really hope I'm just having a little emotional breakdown. I hope I can improve things.
But I'm just so goddamn fucking tired.
I've tried so hard. Is this how the story ends with me? Alone, disabled, poor, and in more pain?
submitted by gobnyd to eds [link] [comments]
Got very active and fit, that kept it mosty at bay during my teenage years. Back pain returned in young adulthood. Cried on the way to work on the bus. Knelt on the floor to type at work. Got a part time job so I didn't have to sit as much. Migraines slowly started over the years. Back would go out 3 to 4 times a year regularly but I was very active. Kept asking doctors why do I get so much back pain? They were like "Iunno, some people are more prone to it. Welp, enjoy your life!"
- I don't know what the fuck happened but my neck did something bad when I was lifting a chair and it was months and months of uncontrollable spasms and complete trauma. Awake for days. Poorly controlled pain, pain medicine, trauma from doctors who are so afraid to give me five fucking hydrocodone at a time when I was almost at suicidal levels of pain.
I pulled myself heroically back to some decent functionality after a few years of painful and exhausting experimentation.
Was getting back into enjoying life. Then new knee pain (chondromalacia) took away roller skating which was my favorite activity in life and probably the thing that kept me strong. I've been working on my knee since 2020 and I still haven't made progress with all the PT. No one knows what to do for it. It's so incredibly frustrating and it's what kept me from skating and hiking. I try to keep active with walking and PT exercises, but nothing equals skating for joy and for strengthening.
I finally piece together the the diagnosis of EDS through my own reading, brought it to my doctors, who confirmed. (Wish I could get paid for doing their jobs for them!)
Then, one day, my seemingly loving husband of 12 years abandoned with no warning (He actually secretly moved out while I was gone for the weekend and let me know by email that he wanted a divorce, saying that my recent diagnosis made me a ticking time bomb waiting to ruin our lives)
The shock and pain and fear.
Fast forward 2 years through the trauma of utter blindsided betrayal by someone I thought was my best friend and loving life partner, and the mental trauma of being forced to do a whole divorce and fight for my future needs with someone who screamed at me that I didn't deserve any alimony at all because I created all this suffering in my head to manipulate care out of him (Yes, that was his point of view. I can't explain it. It's nuts. It's basically total denial I think, His twisted rationale to make this my fault and to make abandoning a loving wife with chronic pain acceptable)
I haven't worked in years. I don't qualify for disability because I stopped working gradually, before I had a diagnosis, and I trusted my husband. So now I don't have enough recent work credits for disability.
Ironically I was doing relatively well physically when he left. I actually had some hope. Then, out of the blue a year after he left, I developed chronic tailbone pain. I haven't been able to sit down without pain for over a year. It's really a hard condition to treat, no solution in sight but strengthening, which I'm used to and I'm ready to do...
... but my hips have started possibly subluxing in the last few months? I've never had trouble there before because I've historically been very active. I don't drive. I walk everywhere, so those muscles get a lot of exercise.
Now it hurts to lift my leg when I lay on my side, feels like it's stuck like I have to rotate my leg in order to properly lift it. Sometimes I get a sharp pain in the back part where the top of the thigh bone is. Aching today. I know I have a labral tear in that leg.
I'm suspecting this slow loss of my physical activity has finally weakened my hip/butt area, allowing my hips to sublux for the first time?
And I've JUST gotten over an exhausting trial of LDN which backfired on me (It caused completely new peripheral neuropathy to appear in my hands and feet and then set my migraines to become chronic, every day, for over a month)
It's literally been 3 days since the amitriptyline has finally kicked in and I've gone a day or two without migraine. I just started to be able to think again.
But this hip pain is taking me down mentally. It feels like the last straw.
How can I exercise when despite my best efforts, I keep adding injury after injury? They're stacking up. They don't have solutions. I can't climb my way out.
I'm terrified because I can't sit. I can't even use a wheelchair if my hips give out. How the fuck am I supposed to live? Am I going to be bed bound? Thus far it has taken me working at peak functionality to get enough exercise to keep my body together. Functionality has taken a nose dive for years now, despite my best efforts.
How much more can I fucking take?
I really hope I'm just having a little emotional breakdown. I hope I can improve things.
But I'm just so goddamn fucking tired.
I've tried so hard. Is this how the story ends with me? Alone, disabled, poor, and in more pain?
2024.05.14 12:08 PushLumpy8150 I’m so sick of my life
I turn 18 in a few hours and I really couldn’t feel worse about it, I cried so many times about it already and feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I don’t know how to describe the horrific sickening feeling that I have and how miserable and fucking sad and angry it makes me.
I posted (and deleted) a while ago about how wretched I felt about turning 18 because I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE IT TO 18. My whole life so fucked up I just wish it would fucking end here and I don’t understand why God can’t just let me die instead of having my life fucked up by this disease EVERY YEAR.
No fucking 17 year old should have to endure the absolute sick and twisted shit I endure and still have to live and act like a normal person every day . I hate this nightmare.
I don’t want to celebrate shit, I just want to cry my eyes out. And you know what…, my birthday is fucking meaningless anyway my family doesn’t even remember that it’s my bday lol, and I’m a lonely mf bitch so I have no friends that’ll remember it either. I have no school and will be home alone all day and just wish this day will pass by asap. I wish I was never fucking born, so what reason is there to celebrate anyway? I hate hate HATE birthdays. And I hate HATE the age that is 18 and the fact that I’m an adult now oh my god
I’m just so fucking tired I’m so so tired like my brain is failing me every mf day and it’s fucked up to the point of no return, it’s so fried it feels like I’ve been a mf drug addict or something for 10 years (never came near drugs or alcohol or even vaping once). My memory’s so so fucked up I feel like a dementia patient like it’s actually so so horrible. I worked so hard to get into my dream university and it felt like fucking NOTHING, and for me the silver lining of my shitty, depressing teenagehood is that at least university is ahead of me which I was really looking forward to..
but of course I don’t deserve nothing good in life and now I might not even go because of my DPDR and how much it’s fucked me up again. Even if I go it won’t be any different, it’s just going to be the nightmare that it is rn plus 100x worse while attending. I don’t even want to go to university anymore. But I can’t describe how dreadful it feels to even say that and to have my uni experience already being messed up for me like seriously every year it just feels like the universe is working against me in every aspect of my life????
It feels like I’m about to die or that I’m actually rotting every single day and I’m just so tired.
I’m really sorry for the rant but I wanted to post something and once I started writing I couldn’t stop lol. My head hurts so much lol and I’m getting tinnitus as I’m writing this.
submitted by PushLumpy8150 to dpdr [link] [comments]
I posted (and deleted) a while ago about how wretched I felt about turning 18 because I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE IT TO 18. My whole life so fucked up I just wish it would fucking end here and I don’t understand why God can’t just let me die instead of having my life fucked up by this disease EVERY YEAR.
No fucking 17 year old should have to endure the absolute sick and twisted shit I endure and still have to live and act like a normal person every day . I hate this nightmare.
I don’t want to celebrate shit, I just want to cry my eyes out. And you know what…, my birthday is fucking meaningless anyway my family doesn’t even remember that it’s my bday lol, and I’m a lonely mf bitch so I have no friends that’ll remember it either. I have no school and will be home alone all day and just wish this day will pass by asap. I wish I was never fucking born, so what reason is there to celebrate anyway? I hate hate HATE birthdays. And I hate HATE the age that is 18 and the fact that I’m an adult now oh my god
I’m just so fucking tired I’m so so tired like my brain is failing me every mf day and it’s fucked up to the point of no return, it’s so fried it feels like I’ve been a mf drug addict or something for 10 years (never came near drugs or alcohol or even vaping once). My memory’s so so fucked up I feel like a dementia patient like it’s actually so so horrible. I worked so hard to get into my dream university and it felt like fucking NOTHING, and for me the silver lining of my shitty, depressing teenagehood is that at least university is ahead of me which I was really looking forward to..
but of course I don’t deserve nothing good in life and now I might not even go because of my DPDR and how much it’s fucked me up again. Even if I go it won’t be any different, it’s just going to be the nightmare that it is rn plus 100x worse while attending. I don’t even want to go to university anymore. But I can’t describe how dreadful it feels to even say that and to have my uni experience already being messed up for me like seriously every year it just feels like the universe is working against me in every aspect of my life????
It feels like I’m about to die or that I’m actually rotting every single day and I’m just so tired.
I’m really sorry for the rant but I wanted to post something and once I started writing I couldn’t stop lol. My head hurts so much lol and I’m getting tinnitus as I’m writing this.
2024.05.14 12:06 qurplexD Being an actual ugly person with body dysmorphia
TW: mention of Sh
I (18F) am so deeply unattractive. To be honest, there is not one single feature on my body that is “conventionally attractive.” I’m a once in a lifetime kind of ugly. I hate my body of course, but my face is the worse. I look deformed facially + I’m chubby. I have extreme acne, visibly asymmetrical face - makes it look like on side of my face is paralyzed almost, horrible yellow teeth, etc. I’ve never been complimented without makeup on, and even then with makeup I’m rarely complimented. I also would really like to be in a relationship, but guys tend to treat me as if I’m a gremlin that crawled out of a cave and either ignore me, or are just plain rude to me. I really crave a relationship and everything, however I think I’m too much to deal with. Whenever I see a photo or video of myself I feel ill, it usually sends me into a spiral. I also am surrounded by really attractive people and it makes me revert back to feeling like the D.U.F.F. of the friend group. The attention and validation the people around me get on a daily basis is something I could only dream of. I don’t know what to do anymore, and have started relapsing in SH and feeling more and more like it would be better if I wasn’t here anymore as I wouldn’t have to be in this body anymore. I don’t want to leave the house without makeup. I often times don’t feel as though I have body dysmorphia, since I think I’m simply being realistic with how I look. How can I ever achieve the one thing I want (to be loved), when I look as hideous as I do? How can I expect anyone to love me and chose me over any other person, when I look as ugly as I do? How would anyone not be ashamed to be seen in public w someone as ugly as me?
submitted by qurplexD to BodyDysmorphia [link] [comments]
I (18F) am so deeply unattractive. To be honest, there is not one single feature on my body that is “conventionally attractive.” I’m a once in a lifetime kind of ugly. I hate my body of course, but my face is the worse. I look deformed facially + I’m chubby. I have extreme acne, visibly asymmetrical face - makes it look like on side of my face is paralyzed almost, horrible yellow teeth, etc. I’ve never been complimented without makeup on, and even then with makeup I’m rarely complimented. I also would really like to be in a relationship, but guys tend to treat me as if I’m a gremlin that crawled out of a cave and either ignore me, or are just plain rude to me. I really crave a relationship and everything, however I think I’m too much to deal with. Whenever I see a photo or video of myself I feel ill, it usually sends me into a spiral. I also am surrounded by really attractive people and it makes me revert back to feeling like the D.U.F.F. of the friend group. The attention and validation the people around me get on a daily basis is something I could only dream of. I don’t know what to do anymore, and have started relapsing in SH and feeling more and more like it would be better if I wasn’t here anymore as I wouldn’t have to be in this body anymore. I don’t want to leave the house without makeup. I often times don’t feel as though I have body dysmorphia, since I think I’m simply being realistic with how I look. How can I ever achieve the one thing I want (to be loved), when I look as hideous as I do? How can I expect anyone to love me and chose me over any other person, when I look as ugly as I do? How would anyone not be ashamed to be seen in public w someone as ugly as me?
2024.05.14 12:04 21_Throw_Away_21 My(M23) gf(F24) has been lying to me and hiding truth about her recent past, which affects our relationship now.
Trigger Warning for those who can be affected: romantic relationships, trust issues, lying, deceiving, age difference in sexual affairs, sexual intimacy.
Using throwaway so I do t get recognised by the details.
Hi all, So me - M23 -, I'm in a relationship with my gf F24 for nearly a year now. About 3 months into the relationship I found out from her that she used to be in a "friends with benefits" type of situation with an older guy - M51. They "casually" hooked up a few times, prior to her meeting me closer. The problem is that I know the guy fairly well. Well, the three of us work in the same company, same building, pretty much same floors as me and my gf are same department and the Guy is pretty much everywhere in our workplace. Him being 51 is my one concern as when it started between them 2.5 years ago she was only 21 turning 22 and he was nearly 49. Second problem is he's manipulative as hell, mirrors emotions and behaviours, pretends to be this super helpful gentleman but then talks people down and uses his help as a currency for "favours". Third problem is he's married. He even has a daughter, older than my gf by nearly a decade. EDIT: FORGOT TO MENTION THIS I ORIGINAL POST - he has not informed my current gf at the time they were a thing that he is married, neither did he show signs. In fact she just found out he has a daughter from my mom a few days back and looked shocked tbf. My mom doesn't know about any of it so she didn't understand why is my gf standing there in awe but I did my best to hide the truth and just waffle our way out of this conversation. I can't comprehend how any father would just blatantly go with a girl that's his daughter's age or younger, especially while having a wife. You got everything you can ask for and still look for more... 4th problem is that it's not just my gf. It has been several girls. Once I found out what happened between my gf and him I digged up a few informations and found out he's been doing this kind of thing for years, and he's acting like nothing ever happened. He still doesn't know that I found out and he's acting like nothing was ever between them two towards my gf. And 5th, last but not least. I think the worst problem of them all is that it took a tremendous hit on my gf's mental health. She has told me that she wished I'd never found out and she didn't exactly mean on telling me but she could tell it was getting serious between us and i noticed a few outlying stories when she'd tell them to me and connected the dots too quick pretty much. She wanted to act like nothing ever happened but when she told me it was as if something inside her broke the wall of emotions and gave her a medium to pour her anger and sadness out to. Now from my own life and feelings I can tell that I won't leave her over that. It's in the past, she had no right to know we'd end up together so happy and this could post a threat to us so it's not a valid reason to end a relationship. And I don't wanna end it to be honest. She's a wonderful woman and treats me better than I could ever feel I deserve so all I try to do is really match the level of happiness I give her to the one she gives me. But I can't lie and say it doesn't bother me. Sometimes when we're in bed it just flashes into my mind that this Guy was in the same position with her. That he used her for his pleasure and didn't even care about her after, pretending nothing happened. Also, I've always struggled with young population being hurt, especially with p3dos and abusers. I've got desensitised to death, wounds, blood and all gore stuff (I have worked in healthcare and I'm in anatomy major now) but I can't stand adults using and abusing children. It just kills me deeply since they don't know much better when they're young. I also can't comprehend how could he do it to his wife. And daughter too. What if they find out? Will he just pretend nothing happened? I know for sure he'd lie about it and say it's all bollocks and bullshit but that's not how it was. And truth always comes out on top. It tempts me so much to gather all that info I found along with the girls' names and ages and just to give it to his family.
That was few months back. It hit me like a truck but I went into therapy with this being main concern and somehow managed to get better. I ended up not including his family in the whole ordeal as I have found out that his now ex-wife is not really in the picture and they have parted their ways over unknown reasons. But... Literally yesterday I finally got told by my gf that in fact, her FWB thing didn't end in January last year but instead shortly before we began dating, and that whilst dating me she went to his house again to tell him that they won't be able to continue this situationship. And that she also lied to me that she's never sent him explicit pictures. She did. And apparently she needed about an hour to talk to him about ending it while being in relationship with me, and that they talked a bit about cars and life stuff. Also of course she denies that anything happened and tells me all our relationship was true and she means it all that she loves me etc. I feel like a wreck. Barely slept all night. I feel used and deceived into believing it was nothing where she treats him like some sort of child she has to protect. And yes, of course I was hit with the "I don't deserve you" I don't know what to feel or do. I'm just existing in the mere present, trying to focus on work and not give any signs of trouble to my family. They all love my gf and are so happy that I finally found someone who treats me right (I've left 5 year long abusive relationship before and had been a subject to bullying, death threats and many more devastating experiences). At least in hindsight she treated me well. And promised that everything between us was true. But she was scared she'd lose me if I found out, first of all about their affair and then about the fact that she lied. But I can't understand how could she love me and still lie straight to my face. Pretend nothing like that ever happened and deleted all their conversations so that noone finds out. She feels horrible, I can tell that. But so do I. Hell, terrible is an understatement. I feel like a void of a person. And the thing is I can't even hurt her back. I just can't fathom hurting her but what did I ever do to deserve getting treated like this again? And the moment I see her in person I feel sad but also so so so mad and angry, I don't even hold my words back and I know it hurts both of us but I just don't know what to say or do. I just ask questions and feel like shit hearing the answers. And worst part is noone apart from the three of us and redditors here know about this. I don't ever wanna say this to my family or friends I don't want them to hate her. But if we end up separating how do I ever explain it to them. What will her poor parents think. I'd miss them too. Her mom even called me her future son-in-law, and she's great woman. I help her around the house all the time. Her dad's a handyman so he gets along with me like my own old man. I don't wanna lose everything I've built and given over the last year but it feels like it's just sand falling through my hands now. I don't know how can i even believe what she's saying
submitted by 21_Throw_Away_21 to Advice [link] [comments]
Using throwaway so I do t get recognised by the details.
Hi all, So me - M23 -, I'm in a relationship with my gf F24 for nearly a year now. About 3 months into the relationship I found out from her that she used to be in a "friends with benefits" type of situation with an older guy - M51. They "casually" hooked up a few times, prior to her meeting me closer. The problem is that I know the guy fairly well. Well, the three of us work in the same company, same building, pretty much same floors as me and my gf are same department and the Guy is pretty much everywhere in our workplace. Him being 51 is my one concern as when it started between them 2.5 years ago she was only 21 turning 22 and he was nearly 49. Second problem is he's manipulative as hell, mirrors emotions and behaviours, pretends to be this super helpful gentleman but then talks people down and uses his help as a currency for "favours". Third problem is he's married. He even has a daughter, older than my gf by nearly a decade. EDIT: FORGOT TO MENTION THIS I ORIGINAL POST - he has not informed my current gf at the time they were a thing that he is married, neither did he show signs. In fact she just found out he has a daughter from my mom a few days back and looked shocked tbf. My mom doesn't know about any of it so she didn't understand why is my gf standing there in awe but I did my best to hide the truth and just waffle our way out of this conversation. I can't comprehend how any father would just blatantly go with a girl that's his daughter's age or younger, especially while having a wife. You got everything you can ask for and still look for more... 4th problem is that it's not just my gf. It has been several girls. Once I found out what happened between my gf and him I digged up a few informations and found out he's been doing this kind of thing for years, and he's acting like nothing ever happened. He still doesn't know that I found out and he's acting like nothing was ever between them two towards my gf. And 5th, last but not least. I think the worst problem of them all is that it took a tremendous hit on my gf's mental health. She has told me that she wished I'd never found out and she didn't exactly mean on telling me but she could tell it was getting serious between us and i noticed a few outlying stories when she'd tell them to me and connected the dots too quick pretty much. She wanted to act like nothing ever happened but when she told me it was as if something inside her broke the wall of emotions and gave her a medium to pour her anger and sadness out to. Now from my own life and feelings I can tell that I won't leave her over that. It's in the past, she had no right to know we'd end up together so happy and this could post a threat to us so it's not a valid reason to end a relationship. And I don't wanna end it to be honest. She's a wonderful woman and treats me better than I could ever feel I deserve so all I try to do is really match the level of happiness I give her to the one she gives me. But I can't lie and say it doesn't bother me. Sometimes when we're in bed it just flashes into my mind that this Guy was in the same position with her. That he used her for his pleasure and didn't even care about her after, pretending nothing happened. Also, I've always struggled with young population being hurt, especially with p3dos and abusers. I've got desensitised to death, wounds, blood and all gore stuff (I have worked in healthcare and I'm in anatomy major now) but I can't stand adults using and abusing children. It just kills me deeply since they don't know much better when they're young. I also can't comprehend how could he do it to his wife. And daughter too. What if they find out? Will he just pretend nothing happened? I know for sure he'd lie about it and say it's all bollocks and bullshit but that's not how it was. And truth always comes out on top. It tempts me so much to gather all that info I found along with the girls' names and ages and just to give it to his family.
That was few months back. It hit me like a truck but I went into therapy with this being main concern and somehow managed to get better. I ended up not including his family in the whole ordeal as I have found out that his now ex-wife is not really in the picture and they have parted their ways over unknown reasons. But... Literally yesterday I finally got told by my gf that in fact, her FWB thing didn't end in January last year but instead shortly before we began dating, and that whilst dating me she went to his house again to tell him that they won't be able to continue this situationship. And that she also lied to me that she's never sent him explicit pictures. She did. And apparently she needed about an hour to talk to him about ending it while being in relationship with me, and that they talked a bit about cars and life stuff. Also of course she denies that anything happened and tells me all our relationship was true and she means it all that she loves me etc. I feel like a wreck. Barely slept all night. I feel used and deceived into believing it was nothing where she treats him like some sort of child she has to protect. And yes, of course I was hit with the "I don't deserve you" I don't know what to feel or do. I'm just existing in the mere present, trying to focus on work and not give any signs of trouble to my family. They all love my gf and are so happy that I finally found someone who treats me right (I've left 5 year long abusive relationship before and had been a subject to bullying, death threats and many more devastating experiences). At least in hindsight she treated me well. And promised that everything between us was true. But she was scared she'd lose me if I found out, first of all about their affair and then about the fact that she lied. But I can't understand how could she love me and still lie straight to my face. Pretend nothing like that ever happened and deleted all their conversations so that noone finds out. She feels horrible, I can tell that. But so do I. Hell, terrible is an understatement. I feel like a void of a person. And the thing is I can't even hurt her back. I just can't fathom hurting her but what did I ever do to deserve getting treated like this again? And the moment I see her in person I feel sad but also so so so mad and angry, I don't even hold my words back and I know it hurts both of us but I just don't know what to say or do. I just ask questions and feel like shit hearing the answers. And worst part is noone apart from the three of us and redditors here know about this. I don't ever wanna say this to my family or friends I don't want them to hate her. But if we end up separating how do I ever explain it to them. What will her poor parents think. I'd miss them too. Her mom even called me her future son-in-law, and she's great woman. I help her around the house all the time. Her dad's a handyman so he gets along with me like my own old man. I don't wanna lose everything I've built and given over the last year but it feels like it's just sand falling through my hands now. I don't know how can i even believe what she's saying