The charges: 34 counts of Falsifying Business Records in the First Degree, one for each "check" that the Trump org wrote.
They literally cannot prove a crime occurred. The entire case is based on subjective opinion and hearsay. They don't have Trump anywhere saying, "Would you please pay off Stormy Daniels with my election money? I need her to keep quiet so I can win the Presidency. And definitely hide it so no one finds out. Make it a fake line item. I will sign off on this once it's done."
I mean... it's having to prove so many different subjective elements. It's so crazy. It's all interpretation. There's no factual basis for a crime and no legal basis. There's neither legal nor evidentiary basis of a crime. Not any. Who is the victim of the non-crime? The people of New York? Who were defrauded by the not fraud? The charges aren't even related to campaign financing laws - they just invented this out of thin air.
"Election money" wasn't even used. The whole case is based on the theory that using his OWN money to shut a whore up was an unreported campaign contribution and it "unlawfully influenced" the election because accounting entries made after the election said "legal services" instead of "stormy daniels hush money."
Usually when there's a politically motivated trial it happens with the tiniest amount of an understanding that an actual crime has to have occurred. Here there's literally nothing.
By the way, a lot of these "crimes" occurred after Trump was elected POTUS.

I (22F) was in a very abusive and toxic relationship for about 3 years. I was abused in every way possible. Every chance he had to make me feel bad about something that happened to me he took it for example I was raped as a child and teenager and when he got mad he would tell me that the guy must have been big because I was bleeding after the event rather than being their to comfort me. Because to him it wasn’t that fact that I was violently raped it’s just they had to be bigger than him. He triggered my trauma by touching me and inserting things into me while I slept not to mention when I would tell him no during sex and he’d still enter me. One time I remember most was when he tried to put it in the back door and I repeatedly said no but he did it anyway I was so hurt and scared that I just laid there until he realized that I wasn’t moving and rather than apologizing and making sure I’m okay he got upset and rolled over because I ruined the mood. Going back to the beginning we started dating in 2019 when I had turned 18 and he was 21. In 2020 he got me pregnant and one day he got unreasonably upset at me for worrying about where he was running off to in the middle of the night and told me “He’d make me lose our baby” and surely enough he kept true to his word and I did lose the baby I remember crying and begging him to comfort me but he was too busy playing the game and talking to his friend at some point he got annoyed with me crying so he left out the room. His actions beat my confidence down and every ounce of personality I had was taken from my very being and I was shell of who I once was by summer of 2021. I think once he saw that he figured that final blow would be to tell me that he fell in love with someone else and I cried but like a fool I still wanted him to comfort me but all he could do was look at me like I was beneath him. Once he chose her only two months in he realized the grass wasn’t greener on the other side and left her to come talk to me looking back on it now I know it was because I was easier to manipulate at the time. We got back together and by 2022 I thought maybe he changed his ways as I was noticing things he did at the beginning of our relationship and things I liked. But soon I would realize how wrong I was he became abusive again but by this point I felt like I had no one but him I had no one to talk to not even family. We had sex although I really didn’t enjoy it I just knew that was the only way I’d be able to keep him in my life and without him I had no one to ones surprise I got pregnant again I was sick and miserable the whole time by this point I started coming to my senses and gaining my sense of self back I knew I couldn’t be in this relationship or be tied to him by having this baby after talking to him and my parents we decided an abortion would be the best but afterwards I was too weak and in pain to travel back home so I stayed at his place until I had the energy to get back on my feet during this stay he got aggressive with me one night in September of 2022 I grabbed something to protect myself in case he came at me and in a rage he snatched it from me flipped me on the bed and punched me his hardest in my face I was bleeding according to his sisters and mom but I couldn’t feel my nose or mouth I just remember walking through the hallways and screaming that he hit me and then I was dragged back to his room where I felt myself fading in and out of consciousness no one called an ambulance no one checked on me I just remember waking up and seeing that while I was going through all the things he was putting me through he was on Reddit telling other girls how sexy they were or how pretty they looked. I like to say I’ve healed from it and I found someone better but from the things I’ve been through sometimes I find myself thinking peace and healing is not enough I need him to suffer like how he made me suffer.
Note: I did not include a lot of the times he hit me or spit on me because this post would be very long I just wrote the parts that were the most traumatic to me. Thank you for reading I just wanted to get this out.

This is a really long story with lots of context so I'll do my best to organize it into current situation, then his backstory and hers. I'm also not using real names or specific locations for any of this to try and keep this private. This also has some contradicting stories and because of how their relationship is structured relies mostly on information I have gotten from my sister, so I'm telling you the story I got from her first and then adding in what I've found out. I'll try to tell this as unbiased as I can but it's been a huge issue in my family for a long time now and that's a little difficult for me to do.
My sister (Olivia, 24F) has been dating this guy (Trevor, 25M) since 2021. When they started dating, she talked about him fairly often, sent a few pictures of them, ect., but then after a month she stopped mentioning him/ was cagey when we (me and my mom mostly) asked how he was so we assumed it just hadn't worked out. Then two months later she insisted that my parents and I all come to visit her college to meet Trevor before he went into the Army (she lived several hours away from my parents and several hours from my college, so I had to get a bus ticket and my parents had to get a hotel room to do this. We only met him once for dinner). Now they've been dating long distance for three years after a three month in-person relationship. She is in nursing school and is planning on moving across the country (literally opposite corners of the map) to live with him and is not applying to any residency programs outside of the Army base area (limiting her choices a LOT from her original goals and narrowing employment opportunities).
Olivia met Trevor on several dating apps, matched with him, but didn't really want to go out with him. He was really persistent, so her friend convinced her to go out with him. She lied about the way they met to our parents and told them they met at the gym through a mutual friend (she lied to me about this at first too and told me the truth about 3 months after they started dating). At the time, Trevor was working as a used car salesman and living at home (~45 min. away from Olivia's school in a rural area) because his sports scholarship had been dropped before his Senior year due to covid at the college he had been attending out of state. The university was unaccredited (I later did some internet stalking and found out it was accredited), so his credits would not transfer and he would have to start over. He was saving up money to attend school in state at the large college Olivia attended so he could go back to school. **Our state has crazy low tuition costs in-state and a full-tuition scholarship program for good high school GPA and SAT scores. There was also a "feeder" community college that had half the cost per credit hour that a lot of people would go to before the larger university if they didn't get in straight out of high school.**
Olivia told me that Trevor had applied to her college and not gotten in (she later told me he HAD gotten in but been unable to afford tuition). Either way, he decided to join the Army because his father had been in the Army. The Army would take his credit hours and he would be able to finish his degree during his 5 year contract or use the GI bill once he got out. **She is comparing the situation to our father, who joined the Army directly out of high school and used the GI bill to go to college after his 2 year contract because his parents wouldn't pay for school. He was a medic in the military, worked as an EMT through college, and then went to nursing school.** The original plan was that Trevor would be a Green Beret (special forces, linking the training pipeline here: https://www.reddit.com/greenberets/comments/xwdbta/current_sf_pipeline_correct_me_if_im_wrong/ ), he completed basic training and and got several months through the NC training before failing the running portion of a physical by about 10 seconds and being dropped from the selection process. He then decided that he wanted to be a Ranger (another elite position). He got sent back to GA, then to the Ranger school base in WA (it took a couple of months before he was sent to WA). Again, he got partway through the training before failing the running portion of a physical by a few seconds. He is now not sure if he will be continuing Ranger school (failing the physical means no, but commanders may pass him anyways if they think he should continue). For a while, Trevor told Olivia that he might not stay at the base in WA if he wasn't in Ranger school and there were a variety of different bases he could be sent to, including somewhere in Italy, so she wasn't sure where to look for jobs. In the past month, Trevor told Olivia that he would likely stay in WA regardless of the Ranger school results.
Through this all, Olivia has visited Trevor at the different military bases countless times, driving from as far as south FL to NC and putting over 30,000 miles on a brand new car over the course of the 1.5 years she's owned it. Before she had the car, she paid for plane tickets to see him and hotels whenever she visited. At the time, she told me that he was paying for all of these trips because he was unable to visit her, was making an income that wasn't being spent, and she was working to save for nursing school and later was living off of student loans and savings during nursing school. She later admitted to me that she had paid for almost all of the expenses except for food when they ate out together and part of a hotel room one weekend.
A few odd things (to me) between Olivia and Trevor over the course of their relationship:
About a month into their relationship, Trevor got Olivia an over $300 christmas gift. He has not gotten her anything nearly that expensive since, and hasn't sent flowers for things like her college graduation or a severe emergency surgery she had last year. I don't care about monetary value or sending flowers, but I do think it is odd that he spent so much before moving away when he ostensibly didn't have much money, but now that he has an income and military sign-on bonus, he has not spent that much again.
Trevor's father left Trevor, his siblings, and his mother, but Trevor has a hat that his father gave him that he wore often. The hat says "Red Man" across the top of a picture of a Native American man wearing a feathered headdress. He has worn this hat several times around Olivia's friends and they told him they didn't like it and that it was racist. They also asked him to not wear it when he was with them and he refused because it was special to him and his father gave it to him. Olivia then told him to stop wearing it and he eventually agreed (Olivia told me that he stopped wearing the hat after this). A few weeks after this, I facetimed Olivia and Trevor was with her. She turned the camera so I could say hello to him, and he was wearing the hat. I talked to Olivia about this later and she told me that that was the first time he'd worn the hat in a while and it wasn't a big deal. Olivia has always been liberal and never racist, and I am uncomfortable that she was okay with him not only wearing the hat, but being with him while he had it on.
They dated for a little over 3 months in person before he joined the military (recently, Olivia told me that they actually met several months before she told everyone about him and that they actually dated for 6 months before he left). For the next two months in basic training, he was only able to use the phone for 15 minutes total once a week to talk to family and her. Throughout the different training programs he has completed he had sporadic and limited access to phones to communicate, and only in the past 6 months he has had access to his phone to facetime, text, and call (but sometimes he goes for a week or two without phone access). Olivia told me that they wrote letters during the time he didn't have consistent phone access. **I don't think that this is odd, I understand the military limits phone usage, etc., but I don't think they have been able to have an "average" long-distance relationship**
Last year, Olivia drove to GA to visit Trevor the weekend before Valentine's day. He had plans for them to take a pottery class, go on a hike, and have dinner at a nice restaurant. The day she got there, Trevor's barracks had their off-base privileges revoked because one of the guys had contraband. She would still be able to visit him on base though. Somehow, Trevor was able to get off base for long periods of time to her hotel, but unable to do the other activities he had planned for them.
In the past year, Olivia told me that she and Trevor were going to immediately marry when she got to WA so that they could move in together because they had to be married to live together anywhere. I and our dad- who was in the military- told her several times that this was not true, but she insisted it was. Then, his barracks were given an allowance to live off base in apartments because the barracks were being renovated/ rebuilt, so she backed off on the idea of getting married immediately after several long conversations with me. She is still insistent on moving in with Trevor, who lives with a roommate, when she moves to WA.
Some background on Olivia:
Olivia has ADHD and anxiety, and struggled particularly badly with the anxiety/ some depression after being broken up with by the boyfriend she dated before Trevor (he broke it off very abruptly, told her he just didn't love her anymore with no previous indications). Olivia is very pretty (objectively, not just because she's my sister), but had bad acne that she ended up going on accutane for at the time she started dating Trevor and was very insecure about it. She had also decided to not go to medical school, and pursue nursing instead around the same time she met Trevor. This was a very upsetting decision for her because she had been taking very hard courses and was burnt out but had told everyone she was going to be a doctor and thought that she would be letting us down by switching paths. Also around the time she started seeing Trevor, Olivia began being very cruel towards our mother (our mother had been borderline emotionally abusive in the past, but Olivia and I were both in college by then and fixing our relationships with her. She has been much better recently and Olivia and I believe that she had some mental health struggles that went unchecked that contributed). Now, several years later, Olivia told our family that she had acted like that because she was raped by a friend of her ex-boyfriend's after her ex broke up with her. This person also gave her an STD.
I always believe people who say they have been sexually assaulted, abused, or harassed, and we believed Olivia when she first told us, but some things have come to light that make me and my family question that. Right after Olivia and her ex broke up, Olivia told our cousin that she had gone out with one of his friends and had revenge/ breakup sex with him because he had also been dumped recently. Once my cousin told me this, I remembered that Olivia had told me about a guy she had a one night stand with after she was dumped. She showed me a picture of him, talked about how cute he was, etc. (no distress whatsoever). I know sometimes people behave in ways you wouldn't expect when a traumatic event occurs to them, but I really don't understand how or why Olivia would brag about this guy if he really did sexually assault her.
Three months ago, Olivia was arrested for stealing a set of sheets from Walmart. She used the self check-out and only bought a small $5 item and the sheets. She held both in one hand and scanned each side because she had a cut on the other hand and was holding her wallet with it. She saw a 5 in front of the total number and thought it looked right because the total should have been about $50, paid, didn't get a receipt, and walked out. An employee at the door asked to see a receipt, which Olivia didn't have, so she pulled up her transaction history on her phone to show she had paid. At this point, the employee called the police and took Olivia into an office, where she was questioned and charged with shoplifting. (Olivia can get very emotional and probably got upset when the police questioned her, which may have led them to believe she was lying). Luckily, Olivia has managed to get the charges expunged, but the process is still ongoing. Because of her ADHD, if anyone genuinely made this mistake, I would believe it from her, but Olivia has been improving a lot on organization and being more attentive recently. It is extremely uncharacteristic of her to steal- she was honest to a fault as kids- she would break down from guilt and admit things to our parents that we would have gotten away with if she hadn't said anything.
Right now, my parents have met Trevor twice in person, and I've met him once in person and several times in passing over facetime. I personally don't think that Trevor seems to keep up with my sister or that they make each other shine, and that opinion is shared with family friends and family that have met Trevor. Olivia doesn't mention Trevor in front of our parents often because his name has become a topic of contention and argument between them. My parents don't think Trevor is right for Olivia. She has almost 2 college degrees and plans to become a nurse practitioner in the future, and he hasn't finished college and doesn't seem to have any drive to do so. Olivia is also well traveled and enjoys going to museums, concerts, etc., while Trevor has lived in rural FL his whole life (this is not Trevor's fault, and I don't think he is a lesser person because of it, but I don't see a lot of common ground between them). Trevor has not seemed very well spoken when I have talked to him and I just don't see a lot of qualities in him that Olivia values.
If you've gotten this far, I just don't know what to do. Olivia and my parents have a huge rift in their relationship right now and any mention of Trevor, with her around or not, explodes into a huge argument, discussion, or just icy silence. I want Olivia to be able to talk to me about him, and we are able to discuss things much better than she is with our parents. My parents have also started asking me about Olivia and Trevor because they know Olivia shares more with me, and it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to betray Olivia's trust, but I'm also very worried about her. I know I can't control her actions and I'm having a really hard time trying to balance supporting Olivia but not supporting the relationship (I'm not going to lie to her about how I feel, but I don't want her to feel alienated or unloved by our family, because that is NOT the case). I also think that Olivia is romanticizing the fact that our parents don't like him because my father's parents had a rift with him over our mother when we were very young (this is a whole other story, but basically, his parents always favored his sister, his sister got (I think) jealous when he did well for himself and married my mother, who his parents initially likes, and she made up rumors/lies about my mother that turned his parents against her (this was way before our mother's suspected mental health struggles, which occured when Olivia and I were in middle/high school).
Please share any thoughts you have on the situation (am I reading too into things, is this not as bad as I think it is?), and any advice you have on navigating the relationships.

I'm customizing a keyboard and one of the options let's you upload a photo to the website so that they may print out said photo and imprint it on your keyboard, wanted a high quality photo of gokus personal symbol, I tried googling it but most of the photos are low res.

And at the end of it all, you never did see me, you never knew me, & I never knew you. Days go by and you’re fading out of my memory. I’m leaving you in the darkest parts of my mind, when I think of 2023, my mind will associate you with it. Another pretty boy that year, a narcissist, who couldn’t be a friend. When you found out about the darkness inside of me, you were the first to run & you made it about yourself. You were a lesson, a boy playing his game. The “I don’t care about you” before the goodbye will haunt me for a while but what I’ve been trying to learn is that not everybody is like the evil souls I have came across. The whole time I’ve been waiting to see the evil sides out of everyone. I’m bringing my walls down, & I’m learning to be in the present again. There’s waves of calmness rushing over me even in the worst situations. I forgive you for the hurt just to make this forgetting you thing easier, & as selfish as it sounds, I’m forgiving myself for hurting you. I’ll care about you forever, I pray to the universe that you find peace & you can feel love again. Idc for whatever insults you have for me, you never knew my anyway. Adios goon.

So last year December a dog gave birth to 7 puppies right in front of my gate and I took up the responsibility to take care of them since she already thought it was safe to be there, not a very friendly dog, is scared of people doesn’t let anyone touch her but since I used to feed her everyday outside our lane she did what she did. Cut to two uncles come to my house and tell my father to tell me ! Ki bhai yeh kutte Hatao and we want to get them picked up by SPCA which is the worst place a healthy dog let alone 1 week old pups can go. They were passive aggressive with me and I requested for some months and since then I have gotten 4 of them adopted and sadly one passed away as someone drove over him may he never come back to this earth and rest in eternal peace. (again another issue with chd these days what’s up with such rash driving and no respect for road safety ? It wasn’t like this before and people have become so aggressive lately in chd anyway moving on)
After doing what I could do on my own and personal expense I started noticing how many litters were there around town and how many dogs were not spayed or neutered, that’s when I found out how the RESPECTED MC of chd hasn’t done jackshit. They haven’t been neutering strays and hence all this is happening. Now all this while whenever I have tried to help the animals people especially older idiots have always made sure things don’t go smoothly, they never do anything for the society but when someone else takes charge they do everything in their power to hold them back. I am so sick of the way people in chd have become similar to Delhi (hell I would say people in Delhi are better) Everyone is driving like a maniac, all I see is cabs, in my 28years of growing up in chd it was a rarest of the rare sight to see people break lights now I see it everyday, never did I see people driving on the wrong side now I see it often, people have started having physical fights ! (I am ware about PU situation but general public excluding youth wasn’t this aggressive) People have become more classist, aunties and uncles have become more Delhi. Argh. Chd needs to wake up and not become the next Gurgaon or Delhi! And MC needs to for the love of god start working and stop eating up our money. So my question is do u feel the same ? And what do you think the reasons could be ?

15/M
I can't believe it. These are my final hours.
So much years of torment all come down to this. There is no better time, so I'll just have to through it now. This will be the most peaceful sleep of my existence. So much unwanted and vile shit spewed at me, finished, and buried. One more final string cut, and it'll all be let go.
Whatever is up there, please don't take my intentions as cruel, but just a way out of my suffering. I don't intend to harm others, but find a passage-way for myself and who I am. Bless.
Whatever afterlife there is, death, please welcome me with a warm hug. I'll take this gratitude and find happinesss of what will lie within. I am ready for this afterlife. If nothing, the comforting darkness will surely rest me with a greeting and a sign.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Take me.

Hear ye, the word which the LORD speaketh unto thee, O’ House of God. Thus saith the LORD, ‘you have learned the ways of the heathen, dismayed by the signs of heaven, just as the heathen are dismayed by the WORD of the LORD. For, your customs are in vain, as one cutteth a tree out of the forest, only to lay it waste. Behold, the workman of your house uses an axe, fashioning it in harlotry, decking it with silver and gold, fastening it with hammer and nails, that it moveth not. You claim to be upright, but speak not as such, your deeds are full of scorn, and you cannot enter MY HOUSE, ALL ISRAEL. You should be afraid, because you do evil in my sight, neither do you do good.’ There is no other like you my LORD, thou art great, and thy NAME is mighty. Who would not fear thee, Master of the Universe? There is no other like you. Neither king, queen, prince or pastor, for, they all fall short of thee, and the priest shall come unto me, and know thy WORD is LOVE. For, they are altogether, both pastor and priest, brutish and foolish, their doctrines are scorn and full of vanity. Silver is spread onto their plate, gold has become their entrails, crimson red, pale blue and leaven white is their clothing, and they are all working for cunning men, lying in deceit for riches and recognition. But, the LORD is the true GOD, for, He is living, an everlasting KING, and at His wrath ye shall tremble, and ye shall not be able to abide His indignation. Thus, even ye shall say God has made heaven and earth, but, ye shall perish from the earth, and from under heaven. For, He hath made the earth by His power, He hath established the world by His wisdom, and hath stretched out the heavens by His discretion. When He uttereth his voice, there is a multitude of waters in the heavens, and He causeth the vapors to ascend from the ends of the earth, He maketh lightnings with rain, and bringeth forth the wind out of His treasures. For, His voice will shout, in the coming of our Lord, the WORD, Jesus Christ, a multitude of nations will hear Him, and He will cause those in folly, to descend to the depths of the earth, like ashes in a smoldering fire. The two horns will break, the false prophet is brutish in his knowledge of death, and every founder is confounded by the graven images they made, and the image of the beast is molten and false, for, there is no life in it, or them and the words they speak. They are vanity, the work of errors, for, their way has become desolate, and in the time of their visitation, they shall perish in their covenant made with death. The portion of God’s Son is not for them, neither from former nor new, did they walk the path of their inheritance, for, the LORD bears the Name of the righteous, a song they will hear no more. Gather up thy wares, inhabitants of Mystery Babylon. For, thus saith the LORD, ‘I will sling out the inhabitants of the land at this once, and will distress them, that they may find it so.’ Woe is me for my burden, my words bring me grief. For, she was once my place of refuge and calm, truly I am grieved, my GOD, but I must bear this burden in praise that I am saved. The church has been spoiled, cords have been broken and children have strayed, and they are not His anymore. The tent cannot be stretched, and the curtains have been drawn shut, none to enter forevermore. For, the pastors and priests have become brutish, and have not sought the LORD, therefore they shall not prosper, and all their flocks shall be scattered, from hill to mountain, valley and ravine. Behold, the Judge cometh, and a great tumult bear down on them, and in the far north country of the land, shall the Bride hide from the den of dragons, and be spared of the desolation to come. My LORD, the way of man is not himself, and the church has fallen prey to Satan, directing their steps. Correct me, my GOD, judge me, without anger, lest thou bring me to naught. For, you will pour out your fury on the harlot, and all the earth shall see, that you are the ONE TRUE GOD. Amen. Hear ye now, what the LORD saith, ‘come forth and come out of her my people, from the mountains and hills, valleys and ravines, hear my voice.’ Hear ye, kingdoms of the world, foundations of earth and sea, for, the LORD hath controversy with His people, they have become harlots in His sight, and He will plead to her for His Bride in violence and spoil. He saith, ‘O my people, what have I done unto thee? And, wherein have I wearied thee? You testify against me!’ For, He had brought you out of Israel, sent forth into the nations as a witness, redeemed by the blood of His Son, His servants have been wearied and worn in keeping you straight, but, you have digressed and adorned yourself with jewels and gems, gold with brazen silver and purple cloth, adorning yourselves like kings in place of the true living KING. Serving Baal cloaked in riches, consulting with demons in place of righteousness, your doctrines are but filth to Him, leaven in the lump as tears fall from the face of Jezebel. God requires, justice, love, mercy, humility and steadfast trust in His ways, but, you have treaded self-serving commandments of men, that bring desolation to His House. The nations hiss at you, and your love for them has been forgotten. The LORD is not pleased, and in His infinite wisdom, the rod of justice shall come down for correction, for, He hath appointed this, and the time is at hand. They will be measured for their wickedness they have brought into His house, and they are an abomination to Him, for, their scantness has polluted the whole body therein. The balance has been weighted towards harlotry, for, the body is made up of many members, and if one has become wicked, the whole lot is full of scorn and deceit. For, the rich men thereof are full of violence, and the inhabitants thereof have spoken lies, and their tongue is deceitful in their mouth, and the body must be made anew in violence and persecution. Therefore, the LORD will make thee sick in your sin, smiting them across thy foreheads and hands, desolation to come for the abomination you have brought into His house. Thou shalt eat, but not be satisfied, and the harlot shall be cast down in place of thee, delivered unto Satan by the sword of righteousness, the BRANCH. You shall reap what you have sown. He will remove the anointing oil from thee, no longer a sweet wine once poured on the altar of love, and thou shall thirst forevermore, for, the statuettes of the LORD shall remain, and the works of Jezebel shall be known to all the nations, because you have walked in her ways, and He will make thee desolate, as a reproach for His remnant to come. This is the word for the LORD.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/

Patterns of Gender-Based Violence in Conflict-Affected Ukraine: A Descriptive Analysis of Internally Displaced and Local Women Receiving Psychosocial Services

Arbitrary Displacement Is a Structural Rot that Hegemonizes Economic Abuse and with it Economic Collapse
Checkpoints for the displaced showed the most violence, literally predating on women when they were the most vulnerable by armed men.
Almost 8% of violent incidents against displaced women occurred at checkpoints or at reception centers for internally displaced persons (IDP) and 20% were perpetrated by armed men.
Majority of Ukrainian female respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%)
A survey of internally displaced persons (IDPs) in Ukraine found that a majority of respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%), and only 22% held regular employment (Roberts et al., 2017).
Women fleeing violence are most likely to be exposed to sexually violent men exactly at the moments they were most expecting protection. This suggests a pattern of men who watch for the female victims of their enemies, and then violate them when they come to them, simply out of nationalist/ethnicist hate crime, with no care about their status as a victim.
Meta-analytic findings estimate a 21% prevalence of sexual violence among female refugees and IDPs (Vu et al., 2014).
A 2014 national survey conducted shortly after the start of the conflict found that 19% of 15–49 year old women had experienced violence since the age of 15 compared to 17% in 2007 (Martsenyuk et al., 2014).
Displaced women were more likely to experience sexual violence
Furthermore, we hypothesized that among GBV survivors: 1) proportionally more violent acts against displaced women would be non-domestic and associated with combat operations (i.e., demobilized and active governmental and non-governmental soldiers); 2) displaced women would be more likely to experience sexual violence than local women; and 3) patterns of reporting and referrals would differ depending on a woman’s residency status.
UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013) was used
The adaptation process followed the recommendations of the GBV-IMS Rollout Guidelines (UNFPA, n.d.) and the UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013), and entailed piloting the tool with several mobile teams and incorporating the feedback from the field.
Definition of internally displaced person
Ukrainian law defines an internally displaced person as “a citizen of Ukraine, a foreigner or a stateless person who is in the territory of Ukraine legally and has the right to reside permanently in Ukraine, and who was forced to leave his place of residence due to armed conflict, temporary occupation, widespread violence, human rights violations or emergencies of natural or man-made nature” (On Ensuring the Rights and Freedoms of Internally Displaced Persons, 2014).
Forced marriage with economic abuse followed with rape and sexual assault
Determination of GBV type was made by mobile team members using the GBV-IMS classification tool (UNFPA et al., 2011). The form instructs providers to select only one GBV type per case based on a series of questions asked in a specific order, as follows: 1) rape (if any type of penetration occurred); 2) sexual assault (if there was unwanted sexual contact); 3) physical assault (if there was physical battery); 4) forced marriage; 5) economic violence (in cases of denial of resources, opportunities, or services); 6) psychological or emotional abuse (if the incident involved insults, name-calling, and humiliation); and 7) no GBV (if none of the above). If, for example, a woman reported experiencing unwanted sexual contact, the provider would classify the case as “sexual assault” and continue to the following section.
One in five women who experienced violence were unemployed, showing these violent perpetrators may keep their victims from employment or sabotage their employment purposefully to put them in harm’s way.
More than one in five (21.6%) women who experienced violence were unemployed, with no differences between the groups. Overall, slightly less than one-third (30.7%) of the women engaged in unpaid labor such as elder and childcare, with significantly higher proportions among local women. Proportionally more displaced women had a professional occupation (24.6% vs. 20.0%, p<0.001).
78.3% of women reported that a man raped them. Half of the women reported psychological abuse in addition, showing many rapists are psychologically abusive before and after as a tell-tale sign.
More than three-quarters (78.3%) of women reported that a man was the perpetrator. In nearly half of the cases, the perpetrator was an intimate partner (49.5%); and in roughly one in five (21.8%) a family member. Psychological abuse (48.4%) was reported by almost half of the women (See Table 2).
Compared to local women, proportionally more displaced women reported an incident of rape or sexual abuse (3.1% vs. 2.1%, p<0.001) or economic abuse (23.4% vs. 14.4%, p<0.001).
Gender based violence affects one million women annually in Ukraine
GBV is a grave human rights violation that affects an estimated one million women annually in Ukraine (Barrett et al., 2012). Social disruption and frail economic conditions in humanitarian settings further aggravate women’s vulnerability to violence, particularly for displaced women (Stark & Ager, 2011; Stark et al., 2017). This analysis supports our primary hypothesis that the experience of violence differs by survivors’ residency status. Specifically, we found differences in terms of relationship to the perpetrator, type of violence experienced and access to care between local and displaced women.
Checkpoints, or borderlines, nebulous zones of power shifts were huge points of violence to Ukrainian women, showing power shifts are often signaled by violence, especially to the most vulnerable.
Notably, 20.0% of displaced women in our sample experienced violence at the hands of armed men compared to 5.3% of local women. We also found that checkpoints between government-controlled and non-government–controlled areas and IDP reception centers posed a particular risk for displaced women in our study.
38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women, meaning people were actively preying on people who were displaced, not protecting them. This shows Ukrainian women are at huge risk of opportunistic rape by the very men pretending to be safe.
Whereas sexual violence was the least common type of reported violence, 38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women.
Ukrainian women come from a long history of corrupt police, so they did not report to the police because the police do not work for them and never have. That is not their fault; it is their country and area’s fault.
Studies in conflict-affected Ukraine found that a majority of survivors were unwilling to report GBV incidents to the police, particularly among internally displaced women (UCSR, 2018).
Because of this violence around the very people that were supposed to protect them, Ukrainian women are less likely to file a police report. Displaced women were even more unlikely. It is an intelligent decision to not have a faith that has been factually and with evidence violated repeatedly.
we found that displaced women were less than half as likely than local women to have filed a police report.
Younger women seek gender based violence services more than older women, showing Ukrainian women are often being targeted for their fertility and not receiving justice can help them remain to be seen as a fertility commodity instead of a human being, making European countries very wary of the nation seeing how their women are treated. Women's rights feature largely in European economic inclusion.
For example, among GBV survivors in Ukraine, younger women seek services for GBV more often than older women (41% of those aged 15–29 vs. 26% those aged 40–49) (Martsenyuk et al., 2014). Therefore, this analysis is not representative of all women experiencing violence.
Domestic violence within the ranks of the warring country increased during war for Ukrainian women, instead of coming together in solidarity and mutual support
Studies in complex emergency settings have found stigma among GBV survivors, normalization of domestic violence during times of conflict, unwillingness to report men living in the home for fear of forced military recruitment, and reluctance to involve law enforcement as major reporting barriers, especially among displaced women survivors of violence (Ager et al., 2018; Stark & Ager, 2011).
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/

Okay, so I feel like this is going to be a hot take but I’ll clarify something first:
I was a 2002 baby, I played the COD games as they came out. Those games were my childhood. I started with COD3, then WaW, then MW, MW2, BO, then MW3. I’m about as biased as you can get.
And you know what?
The reboot games might just be a little bit better.
Now let me stop you before you angrily mash your keyboard saying “but it’s just full price DLC”.
I understand that each game just haphazardly “ended”. Nothing was wrapped up besides the sequel tease at the end of MW, but the reasons why I like the reboot are as follows:

1. I think that the nods to the original games were really nice as a callback and they acknowledged the series’s roots. Not every remake acknowledges the masterpiece that made it possible, so I’m happy to see how they’ve adapted the base story. It’s also interesting to see some familiar set pieces in a Modern Engine, rather than just ripping the story apart and remaking it.
   
2. I think the implementation of the Middle East worked well, and allowed the introduction of Farah, a welcome and fun addition to the cast. It served a purpose and wasn’t just shoehorned in for diversity’s sake, it actually fed into the story all the way through to MW3.
   
3. TF141 felt a lot more like a group of comrades that have been through a lot of shit together. MW2 (2009) did a good job of showing that the people selected for 141 were “the best of the best”, but I think the actual interactions between the members of 141 left so much to be desired: Ghost was just there to be “cool” and didn’t really have much development, Soap was the main character for most of it and Price was just kinda a generic grouchy British man in a boonie hat. I felt much more inclined to connect with the characters in the new games whereas the old games had much more of a focus on the plot i.e. Makarov running circles around the player, who feels helpless because of it.
   
4. The disturbing content was genuinely disturbing. The ahem plane scene from MW3 and the scene in the base with the ahem deodorant were actually pretty disturbing. The MW scene in Piccadilly also comes to mind. Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of stuff like that in the originals (i.e. No Russian and MW3’s London scene) but it just felt really well executed in the remakes.
   

I feel like I’m droning on a bit, so I’ll compress my last few points:
The residential night time raids added so much realism to the story, the open combat missions were great too, especially Gaz’s mission in the apartment complex.
But finally, the last thing I think is important to note:
These games are a lot more grounded, and many people liked the older COD campaigns because of how outlandish and “action movie-esque” they were. For Christ’s sake, the end of MW3 was incredibly badass, with the Jug suits and hanging Makarov. There will always be a special place in my heart for the old games, but I feel that the new games are severely underrated.
Maybe people will begin to properly appreciate the games once they release a bundle with the full story at a reasonable price point, but as somebody who has bought and played all three, I feel that the story and the multiplayer experience has been worth the money so far (disregarding the abrupt ending of MW3).

I try to cut contact with her and this is how she responds.
When I was having a psychotic episode last year (due to Covid-related brain inflammation) she manipulated me into committing myself to a psychiatric hospital (I was hallucinating so it was easy for her to do this). Upon leaving the hospital, docs onboarded me with a psychiatrist who prescribed me 20mg Prozac.
SEVERAL MONTHS LATER I tell my mom I no longer want to have a relationship with her because she has severely abused me through my life.
A few days later, she contacts my psychiatrist and feeds him a bunch of lies about how I’m “sleeping on the concrete floor in the basement” etc etc.
The psychiatrist 1) believes her fully 2) doesn’t double check with me 3) diagnoses me with schizophrenia based on my one covid-related psychotic episode (naturally he doesn’t acknowledge the existence of post Covid psychosis) and 4) he signs a form certifying that my judgement is impaired and I need to be placed in a guardianship “without limitation.”
His reasoning for why my judgment is impaired:
-I’m unemployed… which is entirely due to my long Covid health issues and depression from the reality of being stricken with long Covid + ground down by living with my parents who constantly abuse me. Plus the Prozac he prescribed made it impossible to concentrate on anything.
-I’m eating too much salt (no joke)
A few weeks ago, with no warning, I’m served papers for a guardianship hearing.
The court official “guardian ad litem” interviews me and writes a report, full of punctuation errors, endorsing the guardianship. He says the guardianship should grant my mom power over all areas of my life, including where I get to live.
As for my mom’s abuse? He casts doubt on my accusations and insinuates I’m being petty and overly critical. My mom clearly has my best interests at heart and would be an excellent guardian etc etc.
He also never mentions that it’s his job to help me find a lawyer to represent me in my hearing… I figure this out a few days before hearing is supposed to take place… I go to the hearing without a lawyer…
At the hearing, the judge listens to my objections but allows the guardianship go through, sighting the schizophrenia diagnosis provided by the psychiatrist.
I’m numb right now.
I know my mom will do everything she can to make the guardianship as invasive as possible + last as long as possible. She is currently talking with her lawyer to see how the guardianship can be expanded.
She is nothing but cruelty, hatred, hold me back as much as possible, make my life just as bad as hers etc. that’s all she does.
I guess I’m looking for Advice? Emotional support? Can anyone… relate?

I am 27 years old and never finished high school. I dropped out of high school and got admitted to a psych ward for troubled teens due to being severely bullied and sexually/mentally abused. Anyway when I left, even though I had no qualifications, I always was positive because I always managed to get by and be content with my life due to a good family and lots of people loving me. I always kept myself busy with stuff I enjoyed and learnt to only keep people who understand me around. I didn’t care what people thought. I just enjoyed my life. I basically spent my 20s as a party girl but I took a lot of drugs and think I have now lost a lot of my intelligence. I got my own appartment in 2020 and then lockdown happened. Due to extreme loneliness I began hanging around bad people and ended up falling in love (at least I thought at the time) with a man who I now understand was a sociopath. He harmed me in ways I cannot begin to describe, but wanting him to love me so much I really cleaned my act up. I started to pursue my dream of being a nurse and drank less. He kept me safe even though he was harming me in other ways. Then he left and since then I have had a severe death wish. I’m an alcoholic, I got raped in 2022, I have spent the past few years in bed pretty much and had to withdraw from benzodiazepines while going through all of this. I met a man last year who tried to help me, but because I was so broken I could not trust him or let him in. He said I made him suicidal because of how I treated him and how toxic our relationship was. Then his dad died and he just abandoned me and now has a new girlfriend. My ego was destroyed and I acted like a total psychopath and scared both of them. Everyone thinks I’m insane and I think some people are genuinely scared of me. I don’t leave my home. I don’t own anything. No driver’s license, no work experience, no career, aging with declining fertility and nobody loves me except random people I use to feed my ego. I’m a terrible person at times but I still feel too beautiful and good to die but also too pure for this world. Life has been cruel. I am cruel, mostly to myself. I think tomorrow I’ll order a noose. I’m too far gone. I have nothing and no one and I am abused and harmed everywhere I go. Even in my ‘happy’ years I was always being harmed in some way or another. My grandad’s brother committed suicide around this time last year. He will be waiting for me and so will a couple other people/animals I’ve loved. I just want peace. I deserve peace.

Hello, I'm sharing my story here, written with the help of ChatGPT, as I struggle to express myself in English. I have been battling depression since I was 12 and at 20, it still lingers. Growing up, I faced intense academic pressure and social anxiety, which made attending school a daunting task. Despite my desire to drop out, my parents, who are narcissistic, insisted otherwise, often resorting to force and physical punishment to compel me to attend. They do all this to show people that their son has certificates, as there's enormous envy between them, my father's brother, and his wife.
This envy stems from a desire for their children to excel and be better than each other. It's a constant competition, and I often feel like I'm caught in the middle of this rivalry.
At 18, I went to Malaysia, also not by my will. I failed, and my parents did things I couldn't imagine how they could do as a result of my failure. Yet, they sent me again at 20 after I spent a year of torture alone. More than $10,000 was wasted in this process.
Recently, I took a significant step by moving over 6000 miles away from my parents to study in Malaysia. This decision was not entirely voluntary, as they insisted on this path for me. The distance has provided some relief, but the weight of my past experiences still affects me deeply.
To cope with this immense sadness and sense of isolation, I started smoking. This was my way of attempting to manage my emotions, though I know it's not a healthy solution. I want to clarify that I'm not seeking attention by sharing my story here; I rarely talk about these struggles and felt it was time to reach out for support.
I dream of sitting at home forever until I die, as I feel it's the only place where I can find peace and solace. Additionally, my struggle with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) was a significant factor in my desire to drop out, as it made attending school even more challenging.
Has anyone else faced similar challenges, and how have you coped with them?

Hello, I need some serious advice. I went back and forth on legoland tickets with a person in OfferUp. They were extra nice and told me they can drive up to my place and give me the physical tickets. I declined because I was nervous about it. Finally out of desperation I made a wrong thing of negotiating to send me the electronic tickets without paying anything . She said pay after I use my ticket . They asked my for my phone number which I declined. They asked for email which I did. I provided an email which I barely use. They sent me the images of the legoland tickets . My husband yelled at me on even interacting with this person on OfferUp. He says he would rather buy full price legoland online website or at legoland park itself . I told this person now I don’t want the tickets anymore which she agreed to.
Now my concern is did I do any damage on sharing my email . It’s not my official email. I use it only for signing up promotion offers .
Please help. It’s driving my mind crazy

Hi guys, never posted here before but looking to see if I'm in the wrong or just an asshole in general.
I (24F) and my future roommate (21M) agreed to be roommates after both of our leases were up. We agreed on this back in January, and we since had found an apartment that fits both our needs, and we signed a lease and paid a deposit already. We are set to move in at the end of August.
Me and Justin vibed together really well, and ended up becoming really good friends. We figured we were really compatible to be roommates so I was excited. I've been living alone for the past three years, and while it's great, it's expensive. So I was excited to finally found someone I'd be willing to share a living space with. Back in January, my current apartment's management reached out to me and asked if I was going to be resigning a lease with them, or moving at the end and I had a deadline of one week to answer their question. I spoke with Justin about this and asked him if he was truly 100% down to sign a lease with me on a new place, and he said he was. I believed him.
Earlier today Justin reached out to me and told me he was looking for a new job, and that his brother who lives in California offered him a position at a restaurant he owns. Nothing terribly fancy, and he said the pay is only about $20/hr (his current pay is $17/hr). He asked me how I would feel if he moved there ASAP, and broke the lease agreement with me.
I was obviously really upset. I've been living alone for awhile now, and would have kept doing it had I known this would've happened. I'm a really particular person and I don't want to live with just anyone. I can't afford the rent entirely on my own. (I could, but it would be really rough). The whole point of me getting a roommate was for the financial benefits. It would've allowed me to start working part time, and to go back to school.
Justin told me if it did happen, he would still pay his portion of rent here, plus at his new place in California. Which is a nice offer, but I don't see that being a good long term choice? If I couldn't trust him to stick to a literal lease agreement, how could I trust him to pay his portion of rent?
All in all, I'm feeling really furious. Justin and I are really good friends, but this has made me seriously doubt him and our friendship. I told him if he were to go through with it I don't think I could even really be his friend anymore. And if he doesn't go through with it, I sense that things might be very off between us when we will live together, and now I'm just feeling overall really upset over the whole thing. Am I the asshole here?

My long-distance friend is currently studying abroad, but along with that, he is also exploring his sexuality. This has been going on for maybe 2 years, and it's honestly burning me out hearing about his hookups and him being heartbroken after a casual encounter. In my opinion, my friend wants true love but is lying to himself and settling for something casual. We used to be in the same boat since I also used to go through a hookup phase, but I've since outgrown that phase of my life and it has since gotten tiresome hearing my friend cry about decisions he has consciously made.
I have since told him he can talk to me about life, family back home, his job and studies, but I have no emotional space left to hear about his dating life. Frankly, for the past couple of months before we stopped speaking, his dating life has been the only topic of conversation. We haven't spoken in a month and I'm taking this as a sign that he is either upset with me or really had nothing else to yap about besides his dating life. The last thing he wanted to talk to me about was getting his heart broken for the third time by the same guy, and right then and there, I set a boundary and told him I didn't wanna hear it. He further pushed and framed it as "I'm proud of a decision I made and I think this shaped me as a person," but there are other areas of one's life that can shape you as a person and I've reached my wits end hearing about his hookups.
I might be the asshole here for dismissing my friend's emotional needs, but I did communicate with him that I've hit a limit. I'm not sure if I did something wrong here since he hasn't been reaching out. Am I the asshole?
(Further context: My friend is a gay male and I am a straight woman and this is all purely platonic, so jealousy isn't a factor here.)

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MediumGrouchy5547
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, depression, self-harm, eating disorder, possible mental health issues
Editor’s Note: TCA stands for trastornos de la conducta alimentaria which translates into “eating disorder”
Rastafarian: a religious movement
Original Post: April 26, 2024
I'm really happy and confused and I really don't know if I can talk about this with friends and family but I need to share my experience with someone because I missed my sister. I don't need or want any advice since no one really knows the situation to be able to give a good advice without assuming things they don't know and it's weird to read people talking about my sister like if they know what she lived, I just want to share this and I know a lot of people have had experiences like this too so maybe someone can relate.
When I was 10 years old my older sister who was 22 at that time disappeared after leaving a note to our parents saying that she's okay and just wants to start over her life.
My sister was always a lonely but outgoing person, she always told me that she enjoyed solitude from time to time and noisy things took away from her quality of life because tbh it was loud LOUD where we lived and it was annoying even for me (we lived in a dangerous neighborhood so it wasn't too safe and she hated not being able to go for a walk at night or do things at night alone), she was depressed and I remember seeing her suffering from severe anxiety attacks, she used to hit herself to stop them and she had a strong TCA that triggered those things. She suffered from other mental issues as well and talked freely about that, she talked about those things in front of me and these are things that leave a mark on you.
She was the favorite of the whole family although mi parents never out pressure on her, they always let us do our life (my brother who was 19 at that time knows that, my sister was the golden child), my grandfather always made it clear that she is his favorite granddaughter, even now. She was the calm but funny kind of person, she was the closest to my parents and uncles so when she disappeared from one day to the next no one understood what was going on.
Even my sister had never traveled alone except to go to work and she always notified my mother that she was okay for safety reasons. She left a long note clarifying that she doesn't want to be searched but she loves us. It was a big blow for the family, I remember my mother wanting to report to the police but they said that my sister was not a minor and the note said that she left by her own so they can't do anything.
In a way, my other brother knew that this would happen at some point, since our sister mentioned a lot that she wanted to leave everything and go live in the countryside or become a nun and live in a calm place without any worries but nobody took her seriously about that. She was always the kind of person who did things without telling anyone, she liked her solitude sometimes even if she was always friendly.
The first months and weeks were strange, it wasn't that she had passed away but that she disappeared because she wanted to, I remember my mother missing her because they always shared the afternoons together.
I also missed her a lot, Even years later my family missed her and at Christmas or her birthday someone would always say "maybe she'll show up now" or we would wonder how she's doing or if she was alive.
Back to the present. I'm on vacation in the south of my country (This part of my country is very expensive for a tourist and I am the only one in my family who was able to come now that I am an adult), it's a place full of villages and while I was exploring I came to a place where they sold typical handicrafts of the place.
While shopping I can swear that the first thing I saw was my sister looking at some crafts on a shelf, she looked more adult but obviously I recognized her instantly, we are really similar after all.
I didn't really knew how to react after so many years and I didn't know how she would react, but I went over and said her name. What I didn't expected was that she would smile instantly when she saw me and called me by my nickname. I thought she had escaped because she didn't wanted anything to do with the family even if in the note she said she loves us, but she was greeting me as if nothing had happened.
She told me that she didn't expected to see me there and asked me if I was on vacation, she said that the village used to be not so touristy but now more people started to go and many villagers opened stores for the tourists. I was upset, I was angry with her for leaving us and pretending that nothing happened but I couldn't react so I just asked her if she lives in that town and she said yes, It's a place filled with old people.
We talked for a few seconds, she asked me what I'm studying and if everyone at home is okay, she told me I'm taller and thinner. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that if I have a few days off I can go visit her but she doesn't have a cell phone so she told me that she's almost everyday there. My sister also told me to send hugs to our parents.
I'm confused and full of questions about her, she doesn't even wants to hide, she didn't looked or talked to me like someone who wanted to run away from something and hide. She was just happy to see me and happy to know that we were all good.
But I also feel resentment for her when I think about all that our parents and grandparents suffered when she disappeared, making my mother feel that she was a bad mother because she couldn't protect her.
But I'm ambivalent as I'm also happy to know that she's okay and that she doesn't hate me or the family but I'm also confused, Her behavior wasn't that of someone who is hiding or who doesn't want to know anything about her past, she was just happy to hear about us.
Edit: I'm sorry but there are people who clearly don't read the post, there are literally people saying that I didn't even knew my sister and commenting as if they knew her and taking things for granted about her life, there are even people saying that they don't understand why I'm 'angry' (it's just a feeling, a normal feeling, it's not that I hate her and I will treat her badly, god. Nor will I talk to my family without talking to her first, at what point in the post did I say that I'm going to expose her? I'm never going to treat her badly either because I have no reason to do so, It's crazy how half the comments draw silly conclusions) with my sister when i literally say it up there, even if my English is bad because it's not my first language, just read the post before you want to get a few likes for some unnecessary advice.
Additional Information from OOP on his sister’s note

OOP: My sister in the note said that she loves our parents, my brother was 19 when our sister left and he himself knows how much our parents loved and supported her when she was having a hard time with herself but the outside always affected her badly.
I was ten years old but I wasn't a baby and I remember what the family dynamic was like, I remember the feeling of my family, my parents are not narcissists and my sister loved them and they love who's my sister, she just had her own problems.
How could a parent miss the idea of their children? There's not a day when my parents don't miss everything about my sister, they miss sharing the day with her, my father even missed when she was cranky. My parents always let us go our own way and I can assure you that they never pressured us to be what they wanted us to be, I don't even know what they want us to be.

Relevant Comments
Mil1512: Is your sister neurodivergent?
With the hitting herself when struggling with anxiety and enjoying solitude.
I'm neurodivergent and my family live in another country. I honestly forget to talk to them most of the time and only really do because my mum messages me first. If she didn't we just wouldn't talk. Not due to any hate or anything, I'm just happy doing my own thing.

OOP: She's not. My sister had a lot of self-destructive behaviors and hurting herself was one of them when she felt 'fat', she also had eating disorders and panic attacks because of that. I don't remember too much but she did other things to not eat besides hitting herself, she was very open about her TCA and yes, she has a diagnosis from a professional.
My sister was always in touch with my mother and everyone in text, she always used to keep in touch when she was going out until the day she left, now she doesn't even have a phone. In her note she just said that she wanted to leave everything

mikuzgrl: It almost seems like the sister has been in contact with someone for a while and thinks news is being passed back and forth.

OOP: I never thought about that but I don't think so, seeing how my parents miss her I think the first thing the family would do would be to at least tell my father that she is okay :/

 
Can people just stop with the aggressive messages? Weirdos: May 1, 2024
I understand that many reflect their personal traumas in this site, but I literally received passive-aggressive messages calling me idiot or even telling me that I would hate my sister if she were neurodivergent or claiming that my parents abused her.
What's wrong with y'all? Go to a psychologist and stop reflecting your unresolved traumas in the story of a person you don't even know. Go out and touch grass and talk to a real person instead of literally sending private messages like that.
I didn't asked for any advice and just wanted to share my story because that's the point of that subreddit, but many took it the wrong way and decided to turn something positive into a way to fight.
I don't even understand why out of nowhere I started getting those kinds of messages or if someone share that post on a weird place.
 
Editor’s Note: TLP is trastorno límite de la personalidad which translates into Borderline Personality Disorder
Update: May 7, 2024
On sunday I finally found my sister again, she was selling things in the park with other stands, all of them are rastafari, not hippies or a sect. I walked over and she greeted me just as happily, we talked a couple of things and my sister told me that she doesn't have a cell phone so it was impossible for her to tell me that she wouldn't be there on Saturday.
I spent the afternoon with her at her stand and after that we went to her house, she lives alone (and sometimes with her friends). We talked for a while and at one point she broke down and hugged me, saying she was trying to stay calm all this time and didn't knew how to react because she didn't wanted to make me cry too bc she remembered that I was really sensitive but she couldn't hold it anymore. We cried and talked a lot.
My sister was tired of people, she said that our house was her safe place but hated the idea of having to work everyday and I didn't wanted to study anything, she was our parents' golden child, so they let her do whatever she wanted, but she knew that at some point she had to make something of her life. She was tired of how stupid and empty everyone was, of the politicians, of the TV showing empty things, of the noise everywhere outside when she wanted peace, even sleeping in our home was stressful for everyone because of the noises outside during the weekends when she wanted to be alone to smoke and listen music (tbh, In my memories as a child I didn't remember the obvious smell of joints that my sister had all the time)
That added to the pressure that society put on her to be physically perfect make her want to leave everything behind.
She didn't wanted to die but realized that my parents were miserable when they saw her being miserable, this is something I didn't know, but my sister said that our father had two jobs to be able to pay for her psychologist and medication, also my father used to spoil her a lot with the only food she eat without guilty. Running away was like dying symbolically.
My sister says that although our parents always supported her, she felt like a failture for not being able to improve and always relapsing, she felt bad to see our father working so hard and also wanted to live according to her spiritual mentality, free from all that is toxic in society.
All of those things make her ran away from everything, she felt like a burden and also didn't wanted to live a life working and miserable like everyone.
Sis told me that she never contacted us because she doesn't wants to have a cell phone and a trip to our province is too expensive to her because it's basically going from one end of the country to the other.
She hates capitalist society with all her soul and doesn't even have a TV. My sister said that she is much better now away from the city. My sister told me that she wants to talk to our parents but doesn't knows what to say and we don't want to give them parents a shock since our dad was sick a few days ago and is recovering from dengue.
I'm writing this with her beside me and doesn't understand what's the point of this site (The last social network she used was fotolog in 2007) but said that she doesn't mind if I post this. She wanted to write something but said she doesn't like writing in English haha
My sister was reading the comments and wants me to clarify that she never suffered any kind of a abuse, she has a lot of friends and never had any problem with anyone but likes to be alone from time to time to meditate.
And she's not neurodivergent (She said her behavior was normal because of her TLP), suffers from ED, borderline personality disorder and see a psychologist twice a month.
During her adolescence, the blogs Ana and mia were trendy, her friends had that 'aesthetic' and she was popular in fotolog (according to my sister, at that time it was taken as an aesthetic and even a book about that was really popular between teens, maybe someone from my country knows Abzurdah?). She hated going out when she felt fat, she couldn't have imperfections like cuts on her arms so she hurt herself with a rubber band when she overate, something she read in those blogs. Now she's in a good weight but it took her really long to not relapse again. It's been a long recovery for her and once you're anorexic you never stop being anorexic, she's always afraid of relapsing.
So that's it for now, we don't know how we're going to talk with our parents without making them freak out. And also my sister after seeing the comments on the post saw other reddit posts and said that her life is definitely better without a cell phone, she says that things like fotolog was the beginning of all evil haha
Relevant Comments
OOP on his sister being involved with Rastafari

OOP: Idk how it is in other countries to be honest, my sister doesn't live in community and there are no camps, she's one of the few who has a house because most of them prefer to travel around the country.
I really think it's impossible for them to be 100% Rastafarian here tbh because we are from South America and the Rastafarian community here is obviously totally different from the REAL Rastafarians, they just follow most of the philosophy
Edit: for example, my sister doesn't consider herself Rastafarian but she share some points of the philosophy they have, I don't know how the rest of them thinks

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hi everyone! 😁
I will preface by saying that it took me many years to find my Dentist and there is no way on Earth that I will go to anyone else. My experiences with dentists have been enough to fill up the Reddit servers and make them crash if I even started to touch upon my experiences of blatant lies and essentially, thievery, most notably perpetrated by their hygienists who are quite OBVIOUSLY financially motivated. I have the best dentist on planet Earth and I have no interest in deviating from him.
I apologize in advance that my post is rather long because I'm blowing off some steam as well. Please don't be angry about that. I'm just upset at the dental insurance world and, particularly, my Dentist's idiot office manager. The bottom line is I need some help figuring out dental insurance companies.
I have had a Humana PPO for quite a few years and my annual maximum cap is $6,000. The premium is a bit ridiculous at about $75 a month but they have historically have paid for most everything so I didn't really blink TOO much about it. HOWEVER, my Dentist stopped accepting/being "in network" of it at the beginning of the year. Most likely because his office manager is something of an idiot who even stopped the office from using CareCredit. I assume that he's trying to shave down his paperwork.
In any event, after having some work done recently I got a bill from my Dentist's office along with the handwritten note from that dingbat office manager stating that, "you are completely responsible for the entirety of this bill as Humana won't pay for anything".
I called Humana immediately and they told me that they DID pay for two of the charges and were never billed for the others and that they paid precisely what they would have been paying if he was in network but I am responsible for the rest. I wrote the dingbat office manager and told him exactly what they paid and what dates and to submit the remaining bills to Humana. He got all defensive. Knowing full well that I'm deaf and cannot handle speaking on the phone (we've discussed the issue of my having gone deaf from cancer treatment a number of times) he told me that I need to call him to discuss it. I once again reiterated that I am deaf in one ear and cannot utilize the phone well because of the reverberations. He wouldn't respond there after. THAT is a complaint that I will take up with my dentist when I see him next. My Dentist nor any of the other people around the Dentist like that office manager but the office manager has been there for 18 years so cannot essentially be let go. The point is that he never resolved anything nor submitted the bills to Humana as I requested. I am spitting nails angry about that.
In the interim I decided that I might want to look at other insurance companies that my Dentist DOES participate in. I cannot understand, unless I've actually grown quite old and senile since the last time I tried to read anything, that they mostly say that they pay a maximum of $1,500 to $2,000 per year. That is total, not per occurrence. I know I'm reading something wrong, RIGHT?
Anyway, to avoid being without any insurance at all while I'm busy canceling my Humana plan, I signed up for the BCBS A1 policy. It's capped at $2,000 per year. In February I simply had a cleaning and a couple of teeth refinished/resurfaced as they had minor erosion and the bill was $978. Humana said that they would covering all but $400 some odd dollars of it but only if their office manager actually submits the damn bills to them. It appears that I have to retrieve the bills myself and submit them because it seems that the office manager is quite adamant about excluding my insurance company as well as CareCredit from his list of daily chores. I wish I had some daily chores to do because I have been out of work due to cancer treatment for over 3 years now and I would LOVE to deal with the miniscule burden of what might be a difficult insurance company or the likes of Synchrony Bank's Carecredit for the sake of my employer's devoted patients.
I am trying to figure out if I have made a good decision by going with BCBS's A1 policy. I have read through the various posts here on Reddit and everybody raves about GEHA. Nobody busy raving about GEHA has ever bothered to respond to anybody inquiring about how to get it so I looked it up for myself and found out that you have to be a postal worker or a military retiree so please don't talk about GEHA. While internet searching for insurance, I made the miserable mistake of typing in my personal information with phone number BUT I back spaced out before pressing the "accept" key which allows agents to contact. Even though I never pressed the "accept" button and back spaced out when I realized that I was submitting information for massive lead share, at 8:01 this morning the freaking phone started ringing and by 9:00 I was so pissed off that I could have bitten somebody's head off if they looked at me wrong. One idiot told me that I had to completely revise my entire health care plan because I have an HMO that includes a dental plan even though no dentist within 400 miles of me participate in it and even if they did I am not leaving my dentist. She told me that I had to completely redo my whole plan anyway in order to get coverage with my dentist and that I could not purchase a standalone plan if I kept my health insurance. She was the biggest idiot I encountered all morning telling me that I can be arrested for having a standalone insurance policy for dental. 🙄 Talk about idiots that really shouldn't have jobs 🙄². I researched and found that I absolutely can purchase my own plan but you cannot comingle plans and benefits. Fine by me because there's not a dentist on the planet that accepts HMO that is worth going to. I asked the stupid idiot just why she thinks I've been paying $74 a month for a separate plan to start with FROM the same company that has my Medicare policy to start with and I've not been arrested in all these years nor is there an APB out for me. I finally got pissed off and told her to have a nice day and hung up on her. She had a whiny 1960s sort of commercial voice to start with that was irritating as hell. As you can tell, she put me in a raunchy mood for the whole rest of the day and I apologize to you that it's coming out in my text. Please accept my very sincere apology.
I know that the very second that I would be without insurance that some big horrible thing would happen so I cannot be without.
Please be kind enough to share your experience in researching and procuring standalone dental plans. I've already signed up for BCBS A1 but I have not remitted the first check yet because I haven't gotten the hard policy in the mail. Other contenders would be Aetna and Cigna.
Thank you VERY MUCH! 🌻 I truly appreciate your help! 🌷

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Tldr is at the end...This is from when I was in University when Snapchat was huge, and minor details that don't affect the story been changed so I don't break my NDA.
While in university I (20F) worked a internship. Every semester (4 months) they hire 8 students to work this internship and they are picky about who are hired. Criminal record checks, meet certain academic requirements, interviews, references etc. Those who come out of the internship can basically get any job within this field after they graduate.
The students are assigned to different processes of certain cases and we work under some well season professionals in this field.
There's a girl, Ashley (not her real name, 20F). I know of Ashley because a friend from a previous internship is friend with her.
Ashley joined us 1 and 1/2 week after everyone's start day because she had previously planned a vacation to see some basic white people music artist's concerts in the other side of the country.
She got everyone social media first day she was here and she seem generally normal. It was a little annoying to get her up to speed, but in a week she was able to work her part without too much direction from the rest of the students.
After the week of catching her up, she told the office she's going to the other side of the country to see the same artist's concert but in a different city. And she will leave in 3 days. She didn't tell us how long but she said it won't be long because the artist is only playing 1 show at that city.
While she was gone the professional are constantly bugging us students about the progress of the cases. We always have to tell them, that Ashley handles those part and she's away. After 3 weeks of Ashley being gone, the manager came to us students and ask us why we haven't finish theses things and learn that Ashley caused this. The manager decided to teach me and another student how to do Ashley part so we can get on with the cases. Ashley was gone for another 2 weeks after this.
Halfway through this internship, the school send someone to check in. I did my interview with the school representative and when I finished she ask me to get Ashley. I told her that Ashley isn't in, she's following some artist in the other side of the country. The rep was surprised to learn that and she said something along the lines of "she said her grandfather died, she should be back now"
All the student interns are very annoyed at Ashley because she's basically never here and we have to do so much more because she wasn't around. When Ashley came back, she forgotten all the processes and didn't even know the name of the professional she's partnered with.
So Ashley would just nap in the file room and not work. She will constantly bug me and the other students on how to do certain things and when the professionals ask why certain things aren't done or she did them wrong, she'll blame that we didn't teach her that.
In this internship we developed a little tradition where the students get lunch together on Wednesday, but it's not mandatory. One of the Wednesday when Ashley came to work, we all went to get dim sum together. Ashley said she don't eat meat for religious reasons so she will join for chatting but don't want to pay and had food in her cabinet. We thought that was fair enough as dim sum usually have some meat elements in them. Ashley proceeds to eat a fair amount of dim sum. Some of them, containing meat, even though we told her that there's meat in it. She said "it's okay because I'm just sampling it." and ordered 2 Cokes. I can't remember what the bill came to but we all have to chip in extra cash because Ashley "didn't really eat anything" even though you can see the chicken feet bones on her plate. She proceeded to make us accommodate her religious meatlessness when we pick restaurant for Wednesday lunches, thankfully she was barely in the office so it wasn't too big of a deal.
A little more time goes on and it's the last month of this internship and the student is trying to wrap up their cases to pass on to the new batch of students. Usually students need to sign an NDA about the stuff we did in the internship, and shred the copies of sensitive documents we keep in our cabinet.
Without telling anyone, Ashley just flew to a different country. Leaving all of us in a panic because without Ashley signing the NDA and her key to open her cabinet, the whole department can be liable to some serious trouble. The manager literally told us to contact Ashley anyway we can , so we can get Ashley back to sign the NDA and open her cabinet to see if there's anything we need to shred. Since I had Ashley on Snapchat, I told her that the manager need her back for this procedure or else we'll all be in big trouble. She told me that she won't be back in the county for another month cause she's following that same artist. And I told the manager that, and the manager just told us to do our part.
Since the day that I contacted Ashley on behalf of my manager, she been snapping me every single day. About her fancy latte, her front row seat of the concert, her hair being funky etc. While the rest of us students has to panic about the potential legal issues we are in and making up for the work she was supposed to be doing.
The day the internship was over, Ashley was as usual spamming me with her basic b latte in front of the concert venue of her basic white people music artist, and I sent her a message on Snapchat. "Please stop snapping me, I don't want to know about this concert anymore" She replied, "OH I'm sorry, I was just hitting reply all on my snap every time I post" and she never contacted me again.
A few months has passed, and I heard that she had started to talk behind my (and all the other students) back to anyone who'll listens, and made our mutual friend from the previous internship to cut me out of their lives.
Am I the asshole for telling her to stop snapping me?
Tldr: Am I the asshole to tell a coworker who missed half her prestigest internship to follow some music artist's tour and ate a bunch of food on everyone's dime to stop spamming me about the tour while everyone is trying to make up for her missing work.

I started a new job a few months ago that promised 30% commissions plus tips, job ad stating $250-500 per day.
I’ve was a groomer for a very long time. I did take a break for about 7 years, but I had 10 years under my belt. Vet care experience, as well, so a combined 15 years of experience handling & grooming animals.
This seemed too good to be true based on my experience, but it was mobile, and I’ve heard that it pays very well. I also researched mobile positions in this area after I saw that ad, and they all seemed to promise about the same, so I thought - why not?
I live about an hour away from the “office,” but my plan was that if it worked out, I would move closer. The area she lives in, where the van is parked, is a bit more expensive than where I am, but if I was really making that kind of money, it’d be worth sticking it out for a few months, driving two hours to and from work, and getting home extremely late to my kids until we could move over the summer. She was aware of this plan, I was very vocal about my intentions.
At first, it was wonderful and I was making exactly that. She only has one van, but I was getting 4-5 dogs a day on average, with a few 6 dog days in there. Great tips. 30% of paid services. She told me 30% went to her, and 40% to the business.
Then one day she sent me a text with an “oops! 🫣” and said she’d accidentally been overpaying me. She was supposed to be taking out some other business expenses before calculating my commissions. This would essentially remove about 10% of that commission (though she still considered it 30%).
Now I know that most mobile groomers charge a mobile fee to cover cost, but I’m pretty sure it’s not 10% of services rendered. I stuck around because I really liked the job, but it didn’t sit well.
I saw a pretty drastic decrease in pay.
I understand her position. I truly do. But it doesn’t make sense for me to continue to work there if it’s no longer a viable option for me to move closer due to not enough pay. The new pay is something I could make in a local salon weekly working normal hours instead of all the extra driving hours, etc.
So I brought this up to her today. And I hadn’t made my mind up yet what I wanted to do. But she said a couple things that really upset me.
“I went out on a limb to hire you knowing you lived far away.” “What do you expect me to pay, 100K a year?” She also mentioned potentially increasing my commissions again, but not to where they were initially.
So…like…I feel like I’m a pretty experienced groomer with a lot to bring to a company. She graduated her grooming course at the end of last year and bought a van, so I’ve got a bit under my belt to add to a company. Her clients rebooked me like crazy, and I heard, “they’ve never looked so good” on a very regular basis. It was nice to hear that and know I’d retained my skills.
So to feel like suddenly I’m a charity case instead of an experienced groomer who has been waking up at 5:30 every morning to get my kids off and get to her place by 7:30 and work 10-12 hour days, help grow her business, really upset me. I’ve been busting my ass for this person to help her create a lifestyle. I don’t want to work for someone who views me like that.
As for the 100K, that was never an expectation. However, she boasted about being able to make that kind of money with her company, and that’s where my initial pay was leading and would allow me to move closer so I could have a better work life balance. She also promised $250-500 per day in her job ad. And I signed a 30% commission contact.
As for the increased commissions, I think the first two statements soured me. She’d also already decreased my pay once, and I don’t want to work somewhere that I can’t trust to be stable.
So I quit. After those statements, I decided I would definitely quit, and I can find a local salon to work at where I may never make the kind of money she promised, but at least I’ll be close to my kids and not working insane hours.
But now I feel terrible. I feel like I’ve abandoned her. I know it was my choice to try this out. I did not put in a two week notice because the schedule is so intense, I won’t have time to look for another job while working the last two weeks. I feel like my time would be better served going door to door at salons and getting my completely neglected home back in order.
If I have to go back to remote corporate work to make the kind of money I need to survive and care for my kids, I will. But I truly do love grooming, and I really wanted this to work.
Am I in the wrong? Did I expect too much? I just can’t rest with this.

Yes it's another one of these posts but I'm going to be talking from the perspective of the group I was in who were self-identified leftists or anarchists or whatever. We were not shy about our anarchism because we had a lot of books on the topic, and we had anarchist symbols all over the place so it was very much an anarchists space.
That being said just over the past several months within this group there has been some ableism that has come to light. We are talking about not accommodating people who have a hard time standing for long periods, not accommodating people when it comes to masks, there was a person who had a service dog and when the non-service dogs were barking, nobody wanted to have the non-service dogs removed.
Just recently there is going to be a retreat that is going to be for discussing important issues in relation to cop city and it's very far away and very inaccessible and when people were trying to suggest accessibility systems that person was called the problem, the person who made people aware of the deficit was the problem and then when I tried to advocate for myself there was a problem and I was basically told to go talk to the disability team and then I asked where they were and then it turns out they weren't there at all and so they created a signal chat with just three people, me, and two others.
Am I saying you should only read theory, no.
However if you want to be a physicist, I would also say that you shouldn't read just physics books.
If you want to be a doctor, you should do more than just read medical books.