Hot texts that turn a guy on

New Planets/Environments
Hey guys, I've been thinking a lot about the issues surrounding balance and I hope some of my ideas can give the dev team some fresh takes on how to combat this issue. One idea I had was creating a planet with some sort of underground cave system that is very dark so flashlights can finally be of use. I'm sure many of you remember the ewok hunt game mode from Battlefront 2, and I think Helldivers can create a similar sort of atmosphere and feeling by creating a dark environment where you are constantly turning around and checking your 6. Even in a relatively mid game, I remember being scared shitless of those tiny little Ewoks sprinting around in the darkness, but also having the time of life. Obviously Helldivers does not need to create such an extreme environment, there could be sources of light like bioluminescent bugs or water to create some light, but the point is that players would have to rely on their flashlight. Right now, it seems like the dev team increases difficulty by introducing environmental elements and the widely disliked stratagem modifiers which range from relatively tame and boring to just plain frustrating. Not only would environments like the cave be more challenging and unique compared to the current environmental factors (imo), but this could take some pressure off of the balancing issues because there is more incentive to give the player powerful weapons due to the added difficulty. These sort of environments would also provide opportunities to introduce new enemies, since right now new enemy additions are basically thrown into the horde and there's no real conceptual reason why they have appeared now.
For automatons, a new potential planet could be a dystopian city-like environment that is designed similar to the automaton factories, but much more expansive. The automaton's "cities" are probably closer to where they originate, but creating a more structured planet for them would be very interesting. Imagine laying down on a road or sniping from a window, I think that would be more fun than the bland landscapes we have now. This environment probably wouldn't make the game harder in a similar fashion to the cave system since there would be more cover, but automatons are significantly harder than bugs, and I will absolutely die on that hill.
Anyways, the point of these new ideas is to increase the game's difficulty so that the players enjoy a greater variety of gameplay and the devs can rely on changes like this instead of nerfing guns. After all, nerfing in a PvE game is always going to hurt the player's effectiveness no matter the scenario. Also, the Helldivers' enemies have totally lost their aura, at least in my eyes. Part of this is because obviously I'm going to react more strongly to a bile titan the first time rather than the 1000th time, but part of this is also because most planets are basically featureless expanses of plains. A bile titan is not scary or threatening if I can see it walking from a kilometer away, but seeing a stalker running up to you in a dark cave will probably always inject me with adrenaline (let players join a session and play as enemies? haha).
TLDR: Dark cave systems for bugs and a city-like planet for the automatons so that the increased difficulty of the game comes from the game presenting challenges rather than nerfs to weapons.
Some of my own thoughts
I also have some personal thoughts and opinions on the current state of the game, so take them with a grain of salt. I'm also going to make some assumptions, and I'll try to back them up with a little bit of reasoning. To me, it seems as though the Helldivers dev team lacks big data on their own game. I'm not sure if I'm totally correct, but I believe I heard that the balancing team makes changes based on what percentage of the playerbase uses a certain weapon. This is why I believe the eruptor was nerfed, not because it was overpowered but because a comparatively large portion of the playerbase was using it. Naturally, players will use a relatively strong weapon that is new and eventually the usage will drop once the novelty wears off. However, the eruptor was nerfed a week or two after it was released, which I believe is way too short of a time frame to judge properly how much the players like the weapon. And this is not just the eruptor specifically, many weapons seem to get changed very quickly after they have been buffed or added, and I think the dev team might be overreacting to surges in usage from the playerbase. In general, I hope that the dev team takes a little bit more time to consider their decisions, since right now major changes are being made basically weekly. Already the game is a totally different beast compared to launch, imagine what it would look like in a year.
Another reason why I believe dev team lacks proper analytical data is their inability to track basically any statistic within the game, or at least that's what it looks like to me. The most prevalent example is the 2 billion bug counter which was counted very incorrectly. I know very little about coding, only took one class in college, but creating a simple kill counter like this should be well within any game dev's abilities. They have also failed to track accuracy, kill count, damage, and basically every other statistic you can think of at some point in the game's lifetime. They claim to have fixed some of these issues, but I still have doubts. If they are unable to do create these basic data-tracking tools, then there is no wonder the playerbase reacts so strongly to the balancing changes, and in turn why some certain high-ups have in turn responded critically to the public response because in their eyes they are making the correct decision based on the data presented to them.
To summarize my thoughts, in my eyes the dev team is rushing changes before they have the proper analytical data, which might be corrupted in the first place anyways. They definitely do not properly test the higher difficulties, otherwise they would have known the patrol rate change is absolutely ludicrous. However, I want the dev team to have faith in the quality of their game and know that even if they do not touch the game at all, most of the playerbase will have a fun time. This only emphasizes the importance of changes; positive changes have a greater impact on a good game than a bad game, but the vice versa is also true. I know that Arrowhead was completely crushed last week because of Sony, and I can literally see the palpable stress in some of the higher-ups' messages. Please, take your time, and do not feel forced to make a change unless somehow a game-breaking feature was introduced.
TLDR: The dev team seems to be inundated probably do not have experience trying to manage such a large population, and because they are constantly being hammered by thousands of people and outside factors (Sony), they feel a sort of obligation to make the "perfect" changes which end up being too hasty. It seems to me they make these changes based on the limited data they can scrap during a week timeframe, which might be incorrect in the first place anyways (again I may be totally wrong on this take).

I’m still in shock, but I’m doing fairly well. Apologies in advance for unclear info.
My (M21) girlfriend of almost 5 years has apparently been fucking some guy -we’ll call him J (23M)- for a while now. She would go to J’s house occasionally to play video games with him and her old friend from high school (K 23M - J’s roommate). I told her that I wasn’t a fan of it, but I know K well enough and trust him.
2 weeks ago, I came back home from college for the weekend. She tells me (with no prior warning signs to me) that she’s depressed. I had noticed that she changed over the last year, but I thought it was because her cousin was rubbing off on her too much - which wasn’t entirely wrong. Then, she says something about “taking a break”. We have been very adamant through our relationship that there are no breaks. You’re together or you’re not. I knew she meant “break up”. She was crying hysterically. I told her that we should continue the conversation in the morning because it was late and I needed time to absorb the shock.
The next day, we talked for hours and ultimately decided to stay together until we each talked to trusted friends and her therapist before we did something we’d regret. We talked all week. I thought things were looking better.
Then last weekend, I was going home to talk to her. She says that she’ll be going to a music festival with a friend. She did admit that it was J. I stayed in the area and notified her so that we could talk. I met her there, went through the whole “what do you think that looks like? If there’s something going on, tell me. I’m done with the bullshit” talk. She lied through her teeth. I’m ashamed to admit that I half believed her. Fast forward to tonight, K texted me to see how I was doing after “recent events”. I stayed as vague as possible to hopefully get him to spill something. Come to find out, she’s been spending multiple nights over there every week. She walks into the house, ignores K, and walks straight to J’s room. Not even an hour after he tells me this (I have a new respect for this guy), my friend texts me that I need to ask about a guy named J. I called immediately and I told him that I just found out and wanted to know how he learned. He said that an “unnamed girl at the bar” told him. I also made sure to send my gratitude her way.
So basically, now I’m sitting here and can’t stop thinking. I’m on an adrenaline high. I’ve contacted whatever friends I could. Now I’m just plotting. I am strongly fighting the urge to say something, but I either need to confront her directly in person or get evidence from her phone. And she keeps it close (another sign I didn’t pick up on). The way I see it, I have 2 options.
1: I plan to go home this weekend, but I can leave as early as Thursday. If I go home Thursday night without telling her, K would likely let me in. Then I could just walk in, make sure I have video evidence rolling, and leave. If that doesn’t line up nicely,
2: I tell her that I’ll come over Thursday or Friday and wait until her parents are there. I’d start with an apology to her parents (they’re great people and both love me). Then, I’d just break up with her on the spot. As straight faced as possible. No emotion. I’d be transparent with the reasoning, but I won’t go too far because I respect her parents.
In both cases, I want no violence (of course). But I will have friends in the area in case someone flips on me. Mainly to take me home after because I don’t know how I’ll take it.
Whatever love I had is almost completely gone. It was like a light switch. And as everyone says: “I didn’t think my girl would ever be capable of that”. The joke’s on me I guess lol. But I know I’ll be fine. The way I look at it, shit happens. It’s over now. How can I respond respectfully but effectively? I don’t plan to do anything stupid, and I would never do anything intentionally to myself.
Which route would you take? Either of these two, or another way?
And what do I do next? I met her my junior year of high school. She was my everything for what would be 5 years in June, and she was my first everything. This feels like a total reset. How do I “find myself”?

I don't know what it is, but I seem to keep stumbling upon people who seem normally into me and wanting us to date, who after some time, disclose a BPD diagnosis and things go haywire. Last time this happened, I stayed in spite of the obvious signs the person wasn't very emotionally stable, but I thought "I can't put them all in one box, that's unfair" and kept on building a relationship with them, they were very sweet and gentle with me and we had a lot in common. After several months of bliss, I got very sick with a bacterial infection while they were in another city, we couldn't meet for 5 days because of that, then suddenly they became cold, didn't want to meet up, and I couldn't figure out why. Eventually after over week of unknowing and anxiety, they dumped me over text, the reason being "they're not over their ex" and "it's nothing personal". That ex in question, afaik did some awful things, yet they preferred him over me, and I never exhibited abusive tendencies and never even touched anyone without their consent. I distanced myself from them and they offhandedly mentioned to friends that "they lovebombed a guy before they went out of mania" or something.
This is the 3rd person with BPD that I've happened to date in the span of 5 years and I honestly don't know how to feel, because 2 out of 3 were abusive, and the last one was just an asshole at the end and even admitted to lovebombing me. Is this really just a pattern, or do I have incredibly shit luck, I have no idea.

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Normally you'd never catch me on here. This being my very first post after using Reddit for many years. So here goes nothing and I'll keep it short.
Hi, I'm a 26 year old from Florida who is your A-Typical mans man. I've always been called older than I am and constantly try to understand the world and the people around me better and improve myself.
I work in an armed capacity and see the highs and lows of society most every day. I am 6'5 and weigh 285lbs but I'm trying to cut to around 275, my ideal weight. I used to do powerlifting and I love heavy weights, it's a weird obsession for me. Man things, pick things up, put things down lol.
I considered myself open minded and patient with people. I'm a good public speaker and I stand my ground on things I feel I must protect. My job requires it, but I've always been that way.
What Im looking for, I likely won't find, but I'm very willing to give it a shot. I want a girl who's 19-27, preferably white but I'm open to anything, petite in size, kind, considerate and wants to really work towards a future for herself. I'm a big dude and I like smaller girls, fun to lift you up and all that. If you think you're cute, I'll likely find you adorable. You don't have to be anything but you.
I enjoy video games when I'm not working and if you do too, that's a huge bonus. I'm the romantic guy who will surprise you with random trips to get ice cream or take you shopping on a whim. My version of adventure is hopping in my car, picking a direction and just driving for fun. Life is too short to waste happiness or time and that's exactly why I'm here.
If you give me you, I'll give you the world.
I'm willing to make accomodations and work things out for my relationship so it results in the best it can be. I give my all, and tend to protect and fight for things I love and believe in.
Honesty, loyalty, strength and in all, honor. Those are my most sacred values.
This is Reddit after all, and this is just a wall of text, so if any of this resonates with you and you think there might be something to let flourish between us, message me on here and we'll talk and hopefully move off the platform to understand each other better. I am an open book, with nothing to hide.
Everything should happen naturally, be it fast or slow, whatever is right, is right. I hope you're out there and I hope I can make you the happiest girl in the world.

• L

Hi guys, I wrote this poem about a relatively new love and it’s exactly the way that I feel but i don’t know if i should share it with them. Let me know what u think.
The things I should say to you
A thousand bolts adorn the door A door that I never asked for One that was built brick by brick Over time that has burned off a crumbling wick
So much time spent in front of this door I’ve grown quite familiar with what lies before A garden of sorts, filled with shrubs and ivy All the invasive things that make this life feel a little more lively
I feel like I was born without a key And a piece of my soul exists outside of me So I search and I search for that one wildflower The thing that could make centuries feel like days and decades like hours
Then you appeared, not just as a fleeting trace But as the sun redefining the entire space You inverted shadows and light, turned ounces into pounds The first one to open my mind to looking at my garden upside down
I can now see the flowers underneath it all You helped me dig just deep enough to uncover a remedy in my fall I’ve gone from “What good is a garden that’s all dug up?” To wanting to sit on my knees for hours; each plant I will pluck
Because with you it isn’t scary; you make me feel a calmness I’ve never felt before The silence that we share would bring the heavens to the floor You are the missing piece to a puzzle that is already complete You add something otherworldly—your protective fleet
I said it to my mom and I’ll say it again - I can’t believe you’re real The symphonies you breathe into me are ones I thought only Romeo and Juliets could feel It’s the kind of love that feels like a musical note perfectly in time To make you feel seen, I would make every aspect of you rhyme
I can say I’ve never been a builder and it would be true My hands more comfortable constructing barriers than building anew But I would build homes to give you space Teach my table to have a seat, to reserve for you a place
I’ve found so many wildflowers already in the places our love has grown I know our table will one day be covered in gardens that we’ve sown I feel the most beautiful peace when I lay my head on you to rest I wonder if God's trying to speak to me through the music I hear in your chest

I am in serious need of guidance on a post breakup dating issue. A serious boyfriend (30) (Hank) and I (32) were together for 2 1/12 years and lived together for 1. We broke up in almost a year ago semi-amicably but stopped speaking 5 months ago.
Cut to now, I matched with a former co-worker of his on Hinge (Ben). Hank was “laid off” from that job in May 2023. However, they worked on the same team, interacted frequently while they worked together, and follow each other on Instagram but they do not have contact after Hank left that job (to my knowledge). My ex never liked Ben and would talk shit about him to me during our relationship so I was aware of their relation to one another.
Do I mention this to Ben at all or not? We have plans to get drinks later this week and I am conflicted. Hank is my ex and irrelevant to either of us since they no longer work together and haven’t for some time. On the other hand, it feels weird not mentioning it because I am allowing this guy to talk about himself and his job, some of which I already know via my ex. I had been playing dumb but he has since said where he works and the team/type of work he is in within the company (small team)...not to mention I have his first and last name and he is easily google-able.
I don’t want to come across as a crazy ex that is dating my ex-boyfriend’s former associates but I also don’t know that I owe him anything. I also want to give Ben a chance to bail if he thinks it’s strange. Keep in mind, when Hank and I were dating, I had gone to a few intimate dinner parties with partners and associates of the team but Ben was never there.
When is an appropriate time to bring this up?
P.S. (Read for additional background if interested + additional question:
Should I even pursue this at all? The chance of my ex and I getting back together is just about 0% but I low key still love him and in my delusional mind if I managed to really get my shit together maybe some fay we could...and I think that this would be something Hank (my ex) would find messed up as he feels as though Ben took his job from him (however unwarranted). I can't be certain but I think he may have even said it would bother him if we were to even break up and I were to start dating Ben. That being said, I know that they sexted while we were together (we had an open relationship but still). Additionally, I don't know where my ex and I even stand. I am assuming it isn't on good terms because he blocked my number (presumably because I called him a couple times post 3AM when I was drunk/high but I was messed up in the throws of a break up and that's typical toxic bs). I'm taking it to mean he is so over me and doesn't want to deal at all, thinks I am a mess, and couldn't care less. So more power to me? Part of me thinks, and hopes that he blocked me because he knew it was over and had to just make a clean break (I had heard he was having a bit if a life crisis shortly after our break up...not just bc of me but not nott bc of me)....I say this because for a few months after our break up we would text. Just about this and that. Nothing necessarily of substance but just little things. Also, right before he blocked me he had messaged me pictures of our old apartment and said "do you miss it?"...I think he was trying to reminisce but I'm not sure because I didn't respond, didn't plan to, and then called him drunk at 3AM. He didn't answer but then the next day when I texted him to apolgize for calling late (because I knew he hated that) he had blocked me and I found out he dropped off my childhood decorations at my brother's house rather than at mine.
Soooo it's over. I just can't help but hesitate because he did mean a lot to me and frankly he had some legit reasons for the break up. Not that I was cheating or anything but I was using drugs behind his back, which he was unaware of exactly but the affects of my behavior had repercussions (i.e. not wanting to have sex, being lazy, not being a proactive partner, not working out, etc.)....It's hard to say but I took it for granted..He was not saint either to be honest. He pushed for an open relationship that I didn't want but agreed because I was in love with him and I loved our connection.
Ok, I'm sorry. I got off topic. The question is - do I mention to this new guy that I used to date his former coworker? When do I bring it up, if at all? I had planned on playing dumb but feel as though I no longer can because it's been made crystal clear that they worked at the same company, at the same time, in the same group.

I originally posted a post under unrequited love that said “have u ever ended a friendship with someone you love who didn’t love you back.” The thing is he’s my guy friend for two years and I’m in love with him and I have strong feelings for him but I know he never felt the same way. The friendship was something that caused me a lot of ache and pain bc I hoped for something more when I knew that could never happen. It was driving me insane to stay in his life and not tell him how I feel and I was sure that the good decision was to walk away and end the friendship for my mental health which I did. Our friendship was also meaningless and pointless bc he would make fun of me a lot and call me “pessimistic” which I am but the unrequited feelings added to my pessimism. He would always reject my offer to hangout and would leave me on seen for months on end etc. So that also played a factor in why I ended the friendship including my feelings bc I was just so miserable. I texted him something really light bc I know it can be overwhelming for the person on the receiving end and I didn’t want to dump my feelings on him. I first said “I don’t think I can maintain a friendship anymore.” Bc I chickened out to which he didn’t even ask why or anything and just said “I wish u Nothing but the best.” That response got me a bit sad and mad bc he didn’t even care to ask why or anything and I just wanted to believe our friendship wasn’t that weak and had more care in it. I cried for hours bc I thought he would’ve at least asked why. We saw each other the day before I texted him this in which he made fun of me for being pessimistic. So I thought he would think that’s why I was ending the friendship bc I’ve told him I don’t like it when he calls me pessimistic. Either way I Thought he would just say something like “why” “did something happen” “are u okay.” But he didn’t. So bc I got mad I then told him I have to distance myself from him bc I have certain emotions and feelings for him that make it hard to maintain a friendship. Then I also sort of went off on him a little bit for calling me pessimistic and making fun of me for it bc he never understood that part of my reason for being pessimistic was loving him and hoping for him when I knew he never felt the same way. I said “my negativity isn’t who I am. You never knew the real me.” I also said distance myself and just not be friends for right now or forever bc I don’t know what the future holds. I texted this on sat and it’s now Mon. He hasn’t texted me back and I understand that’s okay and it must be overwhelming to hear that from me esp bc I never once let him know or even gave hints I liked him. I was so good at just hiding it so I know it’s a shock. He’s also a person that doesn’t open up or talk at all. He just closes up and never talks about how he feels. The thing is… I was so careful with what I said and I didn’t dump emotional love on him. I said I needed time away bc I have feelings for him. I just feel bad now? I feel so guilty? I feel like I did the wrong thing? I miss him? I KNOW the good thing was to distance myself bc I can’t even describe the pain I was in when we were friends not just bc of my feelings but bc he never put effort to be friends with me and would just be distant and dry to me. When I was friends with him I would tell myself I’d be much happier without him but now that I’m experiencing that side of the equation I feel more miserable? I just need help with my emotions? I think I messed up? Was being friends with him better than nothing? Should I have just hid my feelings and been happy to have him as a friend at least? I don’t know what he’s feeling bc he won’t talk to me and his silence is driving me insane. Do I miss him or the idea of a friendship with him? Do I miss him or our friendship? I feel like I’m regretting everything now but is it just too early and the pain of letting him go is fresh? Do I still have to get used to not having in my life bc I just cry and cry that we aren’t friends anymore. I thought would it be possible to stay friends after my confession and I would’ve liked to bc our friendship means a lot to me but I know that wasn’t possible bc my emotions were just too much for him but I’m beating myself over it that I could’ve told him in a diff way and said “i hope my feelings don’t ruin our friendship.” I’m just lost. I don’t know what im missing or what I did that was wrong or right. He’s a very patient and nice person overall by nature and we have school together on Thurs so i don’t know if I should just go and talk to him? But I feel sort of embarrassed to even see him. I also don’t know if he’ll still wanna see me even tho he is soft by nature I do get that if he’s upset or something and refuses to talk to me it makes sense. I feel terrible and miserable in my own self even tho I know I owed it to myself to distance myself bc it’s good for my mental and emotional health. Can someone just talk to me and tell me if I did the wrong thing or the right thing? What’s this feeling of missing him or just the friendship? Why do I feel and almost regret it? I just need him to talk to me even if he wants to yell at me for saying I have feelings but I just need him to TALK. It just hurts bc I feel like he always just misunderstands me and thinks the bad things about me. I just didn’t want our friendship to end on bad terms. I’ve never had to deal with such complicated emotions before. This entire situation is driving me insane esp bc he never talks about how he feels or shares anything. Oh and I forgot to mention he’s moving away to a diff state for grad school in July…. Which is 90% of the reason why I knew I should just end our friendship or distance myself bc what use is loving someone who’s far away from me that I can’t even see or hangout with? He could just get a gf and that would’ve made my pain and ache more severe. (He’s single rn and has been the entire time we were friends). I thought I would be so much happier without him and could start my “healing journey” but I had no idea the complications waiting for me on the other end.

So we've been dating for 11.5 months, in which time we moved in together, met our friends and family, had trips, explored shard interests, and generally had a great time.
In that time, we've had 2-3 bigger fights, but even so they were not that bad: She had a small outburst in public while shopping and I raised my voice when we got back home; I made a joke in public which she was not comfortable with; she said that she was on the fence about having kids mid relationship, but it turned out that was because she is having trouble making longterm plans.
The rest of the time, since we first started talking, we've never spent a day not talking to each other via text or in person, and we never got tiered of it. We both do stuff for eachother: she cooks for us, sometimes I help; I've become tidier and help around the house sometimes (she has a thing for cleaning, but she toned it down); we say and show how much me mean for each other; we keep finding new activities to enjoy together; the sex is the best we've ever had, and getting better; etc.
So what the hell happened?
I was working from home, focused on work (I'm not a workaholic, quite the opposite). After finishing her remote work, she said she's going in the kitchen to put some chips in the oven and make some salads and I said ok and thanks.
Then time passed and she came upset at me, asking rhetorically if I couldn't smell the burnt food. I noticed it then and told her - I guess I got focused on my work, my sense of smell is pretty poor and put it out of my mind, thinking she would handle it. She said she went into the other room to talk to her mother and heard the timer go off (again, something I didn't hear and in all fairness, can barely be heard) but didn't do anything - I gathered she was expecting me to realize and handle it.
I need to mention that at no point did we raise our voice to echother.
I told her that it's ok and soon I'll finish work and help her with the cooking. She was still upset and asked angrily would I still do nothing if the house caught fire. I told her calmly that it wasn't the case. She then controlled herself and walked away, said she no longer feels like cooking, left the salads half done on the kitchen and, when I asked why she was getting dressed, said she went outside for shopping (which she did).
I let her go, figuring it was the best thing to do in the moment. Then, finished my work and called her after to ask what exactly she was planning to cook, so I can do it by the time she gets back. She told me and I told her I'll wait for her at home when she's ready to come back.
I made the food, she got back, I came at the door to welcome her, but she was barely acknowledging my presence and was interacting with the cat.
I let it go and asked if she wants to eat, and she said yes. She made some small talk about the cat, still being very cold, and I asked if she wanted to talk about what happened. She says she doesn't feel that we need to. I said that there is a little need, and she said she doesn't feel like it.
As you can imagine, I was pretty upset by this point, enough that it was starting to show. She proceeded to make small talk again, but I told her calmly that I wasn't interested. After finishing food, I told her I'll be going to the other room to rest and that she's welcome to join me (implied: if she wants to talk about it), but that it's fine if she doesn't (implied: if she needs more time).
Until the end of the day she never came to me and I told her I'll be going to bed, if she still doesn't feel like talking. She said ok and we slept separately.
This morning before going to the office, I asked again if she would like to talk. She said ok, and still coldly, basically the same things she already said, plus that she feels like she isn't heard and doesn't know if she wants to continue pursuing the relationship - my heart sinks.
I tell her that I'm not upset because she got angry (we had a few moments where she would have a quick burst of anger, but we were making progress), but that she was shutting me out instead of talking to me about it, like we usually do (she had trouble opening up in past relationships, and with me it was easier, but not all the time). She said that yesterday I was treating her like a child (???) and that it's best if we continue sleeping separately for a few days so she can rest better (she has some anxiety when sleeping and even slight noises can wake her up), though that's probably not the reason. At one point I asked her what she thought about yesterday while being alone, and she said that she was jealous of a neighbour that has a car and she has to commute (neither of us has a driver's licence, it's harder to get where we live, and we were planning on starting driving school together in roughly a month, after she got used to her new job). When I asked why she didn't use that time to think about our situation, she said that the world doesn't revolve around me.... She also said that she feels the relationship is too much work. I kept asking her what she means, but she just kept saying "i don't know".
Before she left, I told her that we've been happy for a long time, she told me how happy she was with me just the other day and love doesn't disappear in a single day, and that I love her. She said ok. I asked if she could say the same thing, and she said that she agrees that love doesn't disappear in a single day. I asked if she'd like us to at least hug, and she said she wouldn't like it but she'll do it if I need it. I said in that case I don't want it.
Then I changed my mind and told her I'll hug her anyway, before doing so. We cried a little, but she just said bye and left.
That's the long of it. I don't know if it's the external pressure, something I did or didn't do, anxiety because of the future, those damned burnt chips, etc.
She's not a bad person: she's usually very caring and very vocal about how happy she is and how much she appreciates me. She's also smart and tries to work on herself. She's one of only 2 girlfriends I've ever said "I love you" to, and the first one was my first love, ~15 years ago. I'm the first guy she ever moved in with because she wanted to and the first one she ever loved. We're also the envy of other couples with how good we are foto each other.
We both went to therapy in the past - myself in the past, for a few years, which helped, and herself for a few months at the middle of our relationship, which she said helped as well, but not as much as it could have.
We already know we want to marry each other (at least we did) and if we break up, I don't think we can find someone better for us.
TL;DR: We've been like soulmates for the past year but she suddenly got extremely upset/cold and says the rlationship might not be worth it.
I'm lost and heartbroken and I don't know what to do. It all just seems like a cruel joke. I don't understand what happened and I just want us to be happy - what should I do?

Desire is no problem. Craving -- i.e., when desire becomes grasping -- is a problem.
And according to the guiding precepts, there is no proscription against sexual activity in itself (except for monastics). It's misuse of sex that is seen as unwholesome.

You need to understand that the entire Path of Buddhism is predicated on waking up from dream-like delusion of self, and selves, and subject (I, my, me) versus object (the presumed external world which the self is presumably 'missing' and needing, or at the mercy of). The point of mental discipline is to stop making an illusory world out of illusory concepts -- our relation to which causes all suffering -- and instead to rest in reality.
This is the basis of all Buddhist ethics. There is no ethical decree given from above by an authority figure; it is all functional, all in service of waking up and dispelling suffering.

So the tainted mental activity that produces the illusion of a 'me' and an external world inevitably leads to craving, grasping, and suffering, like a wheel that turns around and around endlessly.
Craving that persists with regard to a particular object or theme is known as lust. There are many remedies for lust.
First off all, just following the Path in a good course of training will settle the mind and even the energy. Much of our personal suffering and many of our dysfunctional tendencies arise because our energy (in ancient terms named 'inner winds') is inflamed and irregular. A balanced lifestyle and good training in meditation, ethical behavior, and wisdom smooth out the practitioner's energy and establish calmness and stability. The upshot is that one doesn't crave the things one craved before, and turns instead toward noble aims and aspirations, the causes of happiness.
Śamatha (acquiescence/calmness/concentration) meditation is especially regarded as a cure for all kinds of sensual attachment. This is because it diminishes the mental activity that creates the illusion of subject-object separation and its accompanying habitual patterns of attachment. When the mind settles, there is less 'going out' toward supposed external objects.
There are also specific remedies for sexual attachment, including contemplating the constituent parts of a body and/or the many unpleasant aspects of a body -- blood, pus, oil, urine, feces, odor, shedding skin, and so on. Related contemplations consider aging and decay.
These practices are effective because typically the lustful person is fixating on a very limited and idealized version of the supposedly desirable person: they see only momentary physical beauty or preferentially selected qualities, not the whole reality. The contemplations establish what a body really is (which is far from gloriously pleasant). And one can imagine that seeing the entire life span of the object of desire -- seeing hehim as germ cells, a fetus, an infant, a toddler, a child, and adolescent, an adult, an elderly person, a withered aged dying person, a heap of dust and bones -- can dispel the illusion of perfect desirability that characterizes lust.
[Additional note: there's a text in which the Buddha helps Ananda overcome fixation on a woman by bestowing such a vision upon him, of the woman in time-lapse, quickly moving through all stages of her life. Perhaps our scriptural experts will provide a citation here.]
Some of the most important and influential means of bringing the mind under control (not rigid control, but stability and functionality) have to do with lifestyle. There are many teachings that don't appear in books, and which you get through human contact and actually living the lifestyle along with others.
Regulating diet, sleep, physical movement and rest account for possibly half or more of the spiritual accomplishments and personal transformations sought by practitioners. If you just eat right, your efforts are already tremendously supported.
Avoiding overly dulling or stimulating foods (like too much meat & dairy, and certainly sugars, oily foods, processed foods, overly spicy foods), avoiding overeating, and avoiding alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and recreational drugs go a long way to settling the fiery, eruptive energy that easily becomes sexual craving.
Certain specific foods are discouraged or, within specific practices, prohibited because they directly block the practice. Some of these are strongly aphrodisiac foods, others are known to block the energy flow being cultivated.
Sleeping the right amount at the right time evens, calms, and uplifts the energy. Best is to be asleep at least an hour before midnight (by the sun, not by the clock which can change with daylight savings time), and to wake and rise before the first light of dawn. No surprise: this follows the schedule of temples and practice centers. And having too little sleep, though not ideal, is better for the subtle energy than too much sleep. Having too little sleep harms the body, but having too much sleep harms the energy and spirit.
Physical movement is also extremely important for health at all levels, and for spiritual practice. Physical practice is another aspect of authentic Buddhism that is not (and perhaps cannot be) conveyed in books, blogs, and videos; but it's incredibly effective in bringing forth a natural, rooted stability of mind. Prostrations practice, vigorous physical work, and whole-body-and-breath physical activities and exercise are effective upon sexual craving on a number of fronts (grounding, energy flow, outlet, contentment), but they also greatly support meditation and mental training.
And finally (but far from the last benefit available), the influence of a teacher and practice community can't be overstated. Being in the presence of those who maintain the true view helps your own wavering, wandering, attaching mind come under control and move toward the true view itself. Being with people who are clear about their values, and whose discipline arises naturally from wisdom (rather than being imposed tyrannical by an ideology), helps one learn how to become clear and disciplined.
To a great extent, cravings and addictions are cured by replacing them with wholesome and more satisfying and fulfilling aspirations and behaviors, and by replacing the triggering environment with a more healthy one.
Addiction is not always best addressed by wrestling with it directly, as that can become another trigger, causing recurrent cycles of repression and acting out. Objectification is a root problem; so be careful of making a personal issue into an object of fixation. A good course of training will help teach you where to place your attention and effort. It's like the story of the two wolves: the one that grows is the one you feed (with your attention). "You become that which you place before you."
We don't learn how to live by amassing concepts; we learn how to live by being in the presence of true humans.
And if we establish the karmic causes for being in the presence of an enlightened teacher, the influence on our life is unimaginably beneficial.

I need to talk about this because i need avices. So me and this guy met about a month ago and got along really well at first, we didn’t have any trouble in our conversations etc. When we got to know each other, i found some strange such as him using dating apps for his work (clients), him flirting with his them as a joke…. He knows i need a lot of reassurance because i overthink little things due to some past relationships, but every time he tells me that I worry too much for nothing and just to enjoy the now instead of thinking about the future about things that didn’t even happen. Now there’s the main thing. We live in a different continent and we both agreed to meet in a year and get to know each other in the meantime, and obviously we did talk about sexual things. I asked him if he will ever do something with a guy while waiting to meet in person and his answer was that he had « needs ». I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him doing so (and also flirting with his clients) but he just said that it wasn’t a concern yet at all. I told him that even thinking about it was wrong since he said he liked me, but it was apparently just a random thing and not actual sex. I kind of let go for a week but for the past few days I’ve been thinking about it constantly because if he’s willing to do that im not going to waste my time with him. The last message he sent was before going to work was that « I was insane when it comes to love » (because as I said I need a lot of reassurance and im always scared they’ll abandon me due to past issues) I just went to sleep and woke up to me blocked on one of his social, he didn’t even bother to read the texts I sent him before doing so. I texted him on the other social I had with him and surprisingly I wasn’t blocked there, I told him I wasn’t trying to save anything anymore and I was cutting contact with him. That being said, I need yall opinion to see if I really am insane or if he was right and im paranoid about meaningless things
EDIT: he also ghosted me twice in not even a month, for 13h & 11h without a good reason

Went on a date after a long break. Thought I was on my game, but hindsight’s 20/20. Missed some cues and got a reality check—confidence can cloud judgment, and it’s always rose colored lenses when you’re on a date with a 8... I was fumbling out there like a clown jester.
Here’s the lowdown:

• Showed up in some old 10 year old outfit that kind of sucked — nice chukkas, decent bomber jacket, t shirt — any tips for go to outfits? She looked amazing and put a lot of effort in. I don’t want to go blazer but I feel it’s the easiest stand out thing if it’s a good one
  
• Gained some weight recently—comfort eating's a tough habit to kick. Mental health is 40/60 so there’s work to be done but can’t keep waiting around doing nothing and meeting no one I guess
  
• Went for a budget haircut; you can guess how that turned out. It really is bizarre how expensive it is in my opinion. How much do you guys spend?
  
• Tried to crack jokes, ended up poking fun at myself and was a bit self depreciating at times… do you guys have any good convo topics or bail out go to’s?
  
• The end of date walk was too chilly, making it more awkward and random than romantic. We already cancelled the week before because of the rain. It is kinda crazy how you have to account for some last minute changes and weather etc.
  

It wasn’t all bad, I definitely hit the mark several times and she was at a high interest for days after.
Of course the predictable massive shift of polarity came at some point recently after some scheduling fails I made that “somehow” spiraled into texting way too much and “opening up” over text (cringe).
I think it’s pretty obvious after 5 mins with CW what’s wrong. I got soft and failed to employ actions needed.
Now, I'm all about self-improvement: dressing better, hitting the gym, focusing on my career, and HHH!!
Your turn. What are your dos and don'ts for a great first date?

I finally discovered what the real answer was to the “live view unable to play” or “camera is offline” was. This was after messing with all the BS settings that eufy provided. Like move homebase closer, update software, reboot router, etc, etc. After doing all of that BS, I finally stumbled on what the real problem was. It is not advertised anywhere so I had to find out for myself by process of elimination. Basically my findings were this: The solar outdoor Eufy cameras easily get hot. If you are using any solar cameras, you are especially vulnerable to this because they have to receive direct sunlight to charge. They are really sensitive to weather related heat. Once the cameras get alittle hot, they will first not play live video anymore, (but will still show as online) and then if they get more hot, they will temporarily turn off, thus showing you your camera is offline. Once they return to normal temperature, the cam will show as back online suddenly. Again all due to temp. Eufy conveniently leaves this out of any of there written camera material. So your left like a dog chasing your own tail in trying to find out why live view keeps not playing or your camera goes offline all the sudden. I made this discovery once I seen that all my problems happened from like 11:00am to 3:00pm when it was hottest. Then suddenly my cams all worked perfect when the temp went down. They worked perfect, from say after 6:00pm when it was cooler. Live view would come right up, when earlier it was down. So if you are experiencing BS live views going out and cams going offline, and it is happening during the day, this is why. Again, it would have been nice to have eufy write about this, but you will not find it no where. So there is no fix for me cause I own solocam 3’s (S330) that are all solar dependent. Hope this info helps someone.

She said she wanted to go home. She said I didn't care about her unless she was leaving. I was just trying to understand what was going on. She said she was going home. I accepted that she didn't want to stay with me then but it was raining outside. "Can I at least give you a ride? It's raining and cold."
Her answer? "Oh, so you want me to beg for a ride?"
What??? I just offered her a ride.
"If you really wanted to give me a ride, you would have said 'I am giving you a ride home, let's go.' Not made me ask for it."
Look, at this point, I'm just confused. I did drive her home, and she left my car without saying goodbye. I gave her the space she needed and cried on the way home.
But no. She said I was codependent. She said it wasn't good that I was sad just because of her emotions. So, ok, I decided to take her advice. I went to the event we were planning on going on with friends to distract for a few hours. Before I left, she texts me.
"What are you doing?"
"Oh sorry I was getting ready to go to the thing."
"Oh. Fun! I can't wait for the next time you feel like shit and I can go out and have fun."
"Sick. Thanks for that."
"💋"
And then she blocked me everywhere.
I distracted myself. Then I got home and I cried. And I screamed. And I hit my head against the wall and yelled I GIVE UP I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO GIVE. Just that day we had gone through a workbook and discussed what our greatest fears were from each other. Mine were sarcasm and suddenly leaving. She had done both and she didn't give a damn. She actively chose to hurt me. And if it were me 2.5 years ago, maybe I would have had the emotional control to hold it in, to deal with things. But I didn't. I am a shell of who I once was. And I never have the power to consider leaving unless I am fully drained and feel like I can't breathe, I can't stand, I can't live.
So I packed all of her things up. I dumped boxes into my car and I drove to her house. I wanted to talk.
I knocked on her door. She opened it.
"What are you doing here?"
"You won. I don't know what you were trying to win, but whatever it was, you won."
She just stared at me.
I waited for her to say something. Nothing. Then, finally...
"What do you want?"
There was no chance of conversation. No "I'm sorry for using the things you fear most because I knew they would dig in and hurt." No. Just a what do you want? What do I want? To not be hurt. I want to not be blocked for 12 or 24 or 48 or 72 hours with no idea of what's going on until you decide that you're willing to come back. I want to not be put in situations where you say you block me because you don't want a wall of text, but in reality you want to hurt me fast and hard and then run away so that you don't hear the consequences of your actions.
"Your things are in the car. Please get them."
"OK. But only if you promise not to talk to me while I do."
"Sure. If that's what you want I won't talk."
The next day we texted and discussed things. Things were... emotional. Then she disappeared and stopped responding. That would have been fine, had her sister not called me looking for her since she hadn't been able to reach her. My heart dropped. Had something happened? Had she done something? I told her sister, "Hey, bad timing, but you should probably just go check her in person." And then, "And, not my business, but if you find her can you just let me know she's safe? Nothing else, I just want to know she's ok." Her sister said "Of course."
Queue to a few days ago. She asked me to hang out with her in person for a jazz thing. I said hey, look, I am very emotional right now. I want to see you but I can't today. Maybe we can talk in a few days?
Apparently that was the wrong answer.
"Honestly I'm just going to come get my stuff."
She did. And then she said "Leave me alone," so I did.
But I had no idea where we stood. Was this just another week-long block? I messaged her 4-5 days later.
"Hey, I just want to know if the plan is to go no contact or if there's a chance of staying friends or coming back to this in the future so I know whether to start grieving or not."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Sorry I don't want to be a bother I just want to know so I'm not on edge."
She called me. Man, that was hard.
I did my best not to cry. She asked me why I was crying. I said "Because you're my best friend and I don't want to lose you." She laughed. "You're the one that did this." She laughed. She laughed. She laughed.
I asked if theres a chance we would be able to either stay friends in the future or maybe come back to the relationship down the line after we had both worked on ourselves. She said "As long as you don't get emotional or controlling when you see me go on trips with other people."
Ow.
OK, maybe not. But what about controlling?
"You're trying to control me."
"What? When?"
"You're messaging my sister."
"I texted her once because I wanted to make sure you were safe." I then sent her the screenshots to prove this.
"You're contacting my family to try and control me. After we broke up."
"That was the day we broke up."
"LIES."
"What? That was Sunday?"
"You dropped my s*** off on saturday night. You texted my sister on sunday."
"Oh. Sorry. I guess it was saturday. Sorry, everything's been blending together in this wall of confusion and pain."
She laughed.
She said "Look, I'm just not going to be there for you anymore emotionally when you're never there for me."
"What was I supposed to do that night you wanted me to drop you off. Like, what was the best outcome?"
"Come over and hug me. Hold me."
"You said you didn't want to be next to me. You said you wanted me to take you home. And when I pulled in you just got out of the car and left without saying goodbye. Was I supposed to follow you into your house after all that?"
She changed the topic.
"But instead you chose to go have fun with your friends."
"Was I supposed to go home and cry alone? Can I not distract? I am not even sure why this started in the first place I am so confused and just wanted to stop crying and distract and go to this thing that you had made me confirm my attendance to just an hour prior to you leaving."
"Must have been nice having fun." She laughed loudly. "OK I have to get ready for work. Bye."
And then she hung up.
The amount of pain I felt in that moment. The amount of guilt. I did this. Even she said it. This was my fault my fault my fault. I shouldn't have reacted by dropping her stuff off. I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't it was my fault.
But I had nothing left. She stopped caring about me so quickly. She laughed when I cried.
I sent her a final message and went no contact. I final sorry to top off the mountain of apologies I had given her over the last two and a half years.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to stop hurting myself. I will love you forever and if you ever need me you know where I live and are always welcome in. I feel that I am causing you pain and maybe resentment so I will let you move on to somebody better for you now. Goodbye."
And then I went no contact.
It's been a few days now and the pain comes and goes. Sometimes it's unbearable. Sometimes it's replaced by anger. And sometimes I just wish she would have given my my shirt back, the one passed down to me from my mother, the one I held near and dear to my heart that she would steal to wear. She has the rest of my stuff but really all I want is the shirt and I'll be at peace. But I've now initiated no contact on my end so perhaps my shirt and what it means to me is gone. Maybe she threw it away already. I don't know.
And these emotions come and go and sometimes I laugh and then the laugh turns into a gasp as my chest is stabbed with the most agonizing pain I can imagine and I feel like a fish out of water, making ungodly noises as I hope to black out and make the pain stop. And sometimes I imagine her coming back through my door like she used to, walking in and kissing me and picking me up and carrying me to bed and laying me down and holding me, her skin against mine, her lips against mine, her soul against mine.
But now, when that happens, I just need to remember one thing:
She laughed.

Yall, I’ve had this Reddit account for years but never actually used it. While enjoying my insomnia I decided to give it a whirl… and this shit is wild. After reading a ton of posts in this subreddit here are some things I think some of you need to know. (I’ve been with my husband for 10 years)
1.) Date him when you’re fat! - guys… the shear amount of posts where men can’t stand their wives weight and these women feel like they need to maintain the same body they had at 25 is INSANE! I’ve never been happier than I am tonight that my husband met me with a few extra pounds. 😂
2.) Find the unappreciated men! - if you’re looking for dudes who will love you for the long haul find the ones that flew under the radar! My husband is hot as hell, and is only getting better with age. He was a big kid and hit his glow up right before we met. He is humble and kind and women were stupid to pass him by.
3.) Suck it…. On more than his birthday
4.) Trade off on spoon positions! - don’t sleep on the power of being the big spoon! Im 5’4” and my husband is 6’2”. Sure his back is getting most of the love, but he keeps my boobs warm and he loves the change up.
5.) DO NOT LET FAMILY FUCK WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP! - toxic family? Get your shit in order immediately! Communication is key with your partner and boundaries with family. You are each other’s priority. End of story.
6.) Rough times come in waves - You will continue to grow and change because that’s what humans do. Marriage means doing that together and often that comes at different times. Communication is crucial. Patience is a virtue, and sometimes you just gotta be the bigger person.
7.) Have hobbies and friends! - you don’t have to do everything together… seriously. You are still an individual! It’s ok to have your own time and space. My husband loves hiking. I would rather read in a hammock. He goes fishing and I would rather throw some clay. And that’s great! Have one or two things you love to do together, but don’t change everything about yourself to make someone happy. That’s dumb and will only lead to resentment.
8.) Own your sex life! - try new things, sit on his face, stick a finger somewhere… just laugh and enjoy 😉 ladies, I promise you that a true ride or die hubby will not care if your legs aren’t shaved and your thighs could crush a watermelon. Let go of those insecurities that are holding you back!
9.) Talk about kids/responsibilities BEFORE you get married! - I wanted kids, he didn’t. Accept that what your partner is telling you is what they mean! And then decide if they are worth the compromise. If you both want kids you damn sure better talk about childcare, chores, meals, money, etc. BEFORE you push out that bundle of potential divorce.
10.) You only get one life. - Really, just one… so make sure you’re with a person who you can look back in 40 years and think, damn… how lucky am I.

I've (18F) met this guy (19M) on Tinder about 3 weeks ago. He reached out to me first and we had a great talk so we started texting each other on Instagram. He often says I'm beautiful, a great person, etc. We are planning a date (it'd probably happen already, but he has finals rn) and he often talks about us finally meeting. I really like him, I think he's a great, handsome guy. But I've noticed that I'm the one who texts first almost every day. 2 days ago I texted him 'Goodnight' and he only liked the text. I've found it a bit humiliating, so in the morning I didn't text him which led to us not texting each other at all that day. I don't know what to do now, I want to text him, but I don't want to seem desperate.
I've talked to a friend about this and he said he probably just doesn't want to impose himself or he's too shy. But I don't think that's the case, because he never seemed to be that kind of a person (although I barely know him). What could be the reason? Should I text him?
I hope it's understandable, English isn't my first language:)

so basically I, (F19) have a history of men, its not something im proud of, i just tend to make shitty decisions when im under the influence of many things like alcohol or horniness. while im not saint, when i want to lock in, i do. i was in a year long relationship with a man and it went great but bec of some issues we broke up, no cheating involved.
recently, I have been going out a lot and meeting a lot of people including men. I met a guy who happens to own and host parties/clubs. I knew what I was getting into at first, but I wasn't thinking much of it i was just h0rby. After the first time we hooked up, I told myself never again because after we finished i saw his sheets were stained of cum not mine. I ghosted him for a bit, but then my demon came out again. And I saw him today. we had a lot of sex and cuddled naked and were sleeping on and off. While we were laying in bed together, I asked him what he wants to do with his life. And if he plans on And if he plans on just fucking bitches. his answers pleased me and he seemed shocked that a girl he was just hooking up w actually cared.
The thing about me is im a lover girl deep down. i just have some under lying issues that im working on. but i yearn for human connection.
shortly after our conversation, he asked if he could put a baby in me...point is our entire hang out was full of remarks saying that he wanted me to stop being a thot. We went and got food, and I ate with him and his little sisters together. he asked me what i was doing tmr and we made plans, there was a point where he said that his friends might go to our plans and I was like whyyy and he said you have to get along with my boys. It wasn't until minutes later I realize what he had said and I was like "wait why do I have to get along with your boys".. he smirked and i was like you want meeee and he said i want uu to stfu. we get to my house and he grabs my hand and kisses it and weve been texting since i got home. i told him i don't wanna fuck tmr and i said do u still wanna see me? he replied yes, then i went for a long shot and said we could go on a date. he seemed hesitant, but he agreed. then i texted him to figure it out im going to sleep gn. he said to spell it out and that ill see him tmr.
a couple questions: am i being delusional or does he want me for more than sex? if yes, what do i do? I feel like it would be hypocritical to say I can't cuff him because of his past. HELP

Reading and reflecting, I understand that I'm coming under the definition of a "nice guy". I can feel myself being the weakest among my roommates, even though we're in the same program of grad school. I'm always looking up to someone - I constantly see other people as better than me. Smarter than me. Stronger than me. More experienced than me (dating, relationships, academics, work, health, you name it). I'm glad that I'm - well - me with the world and life I've been brought into and the circumstances. I worked hard through college to get into grad school. I'm grateful for the things that have been given to me.
But lately I keep wishing to acquire parts of other people. I want to be respected like that guy. I want to be knowledgeable and well read like that guy. I want to be desired by girls like that guy is. And yet - can I ever?
After my breakup four years ago, I took the time in college to work on my fitness, health, and academics (probably could have done a better job with the last one). And after moving to grad school, I have learned some things I never would have living with my parents. I can cook now, I work part-time while doing a full-time graduate degree.
But again, it's nothing compared to the people around me. I don't feel like and have never felt like an equal. Today was a perfect example.
I matched with a girl last week, we exchanged numbers, and even set a date for today but I got ghosted shortly on Friday (I'm very sure of this). I'm not thinking too much about why she ghosted me. And today, my roommate had a date with that same girl. He didn't even swipe - she liked his Hinge profile upfront. Of course my roommate didn't know, but it was clear what it meant to me, and why he wasn't bothered by the fact that I had matched with her and had a date planned too.
What's worse is that I kept apologizing for mentioning that I matched with the same girl - that my first thought was "Did I say something wrong?".
I take more time than these people on projects and assignments. They do way cooler things than I do. I got an internship at a leading company in the US, but I still feel beneath them. I still feel I'm a joke to these guys. I'm not respected, am I?
I can't think of anything that can make things different - I'm roped into watching movies and plans with a guest who they invite every weekend night for dinner and a movie. I can cook for everyone, but even then I can't help but do the dishes even though the rule is that one person cooks and another person cleans. I don't have control. If there's any hint I do, it's my fault for not stepping up. Even if I do step who who will take me seriously?
Even this is an example of being a textbook nice guy - I'm claiming to be a victim here, aren't I? The only solution I can htink of for things being different is if I could live alone. If I had complete independence over my time and what I want to do. If I din't have to answer to any roommate or anyone. I imagined with a Master's I could acquire deep knowledge, spend time actually learning this subject I'm passionate about but I'm barely getting by. Life, this social life gets in the way from living with these people. If I'm not agreeing I'll be disliked and life will be uncomfortable. Not that I'm in the position to move out anytime soon - I often rely on help from the more experienced roommates to figure out problems I get stuck on with assignments.
It's all on me. It's up to me to make a change. But I feel like I can't. I feel helpless and guilty and angry. I can't imagine any empathy to this post, but if there's any chance or hope you can sense from what I shared... Please help by commenting. Anything helps. I don't know where to turn to right now - what time I can afford, who to tell.

I hope this will either give you comfort to know you're not alone, or that your ex may be regretful for whatever reason.
9 years, been together since 18 and I just could not do it anymore. She was the only person who enjoyed me without any qualifications, and she was the first person I ever felt comfortable being some amount of myself around. She was the only person I've ever felt such curiosity for, I just wanted to know everything about her. From her favorite things and worst memories, to the mundane annoyances and joys of her every day. I think she liked the attention I gave her or something, because I was just a mentally ill loser when we met and I never really changed, I just got a job. Still, she loved me with all her heart.
In the last few years, I relied on her to validate my worth since she was the only thing I really ever loved in my life and nothing beyond the relationship gave me pride/joy. She relied on me for support in basically every aspect of her life -- emotional, physical, financial, chores, even some career-wise. We took turns being mentally unwell, but this time I just couldn't wait for her turn to be up for whatever reason. She started getting better and doing a lot of those things she does when she is happy, and I just reached a point of burnout (from multiple sources) that I became slightly resentful of the support I gave while at the same time feeling like she was abandoning me to spend time with other people when I needed help.
I couldn't talk to her about it. I was afraid she wouldn't take it serious, or that by even voicing my feelings it would unravel all her progress. Things of that nature happen during any decade long relationship, and had, but I stopped trying to even talk about it during the last few months. I was just afraid. At the time of the breakup, when I blindsided her, I really thought every little thing way she let me down in regard to my unspoken expectations was proof she didn't like or care about me anymore. I was so wrong. I am just toxically independent and hid my feelings, while she lived her life like a normal person with a normal partner who loves and communicates. I really felt afraid of the dynamic we had to the point that I couldn't admit my feelings in part for fear of hurting her, and so I just decided to end it. Normal, right?
I pictured the breakup in my head for about a month before a big emotional event triggered a hypo-manic episode on top of my deep depression, and it has not gone how I thought it would. I thought she'd cry for a couple weeks, but because of the friends she'd be living with, she'd get over me pretty quick since she had support and love all around and people to spend time with. Maybe she'd get better faster without me hanging around and being a downer all the time? I thought I'd end up spending a couple weeks getting my affairs in order and practicing my knots before taking an early exit, or I'd end up becoming a hermit who just worked his stupid little job to live in his dumb little 1 bedroom apartment for the rest of his life. To that end, I removed myself from all the group chats and stopped talking to mutual friends, so that she could have all the support they could provide. They were 90% of the people I talked to outside of work. It was self-abuse wrapped up as me doing a favor for her, which I can see now.
How it's gone is that she ended up in the hospital for a weeklong hold and I'm cycling between pretending to practice radical self-care and literally beating myself up while drinking/smoking alone in our home on a monday night. I'm just so stupid for thinking this would be a good outcome for anyone. Now its been 7 months since I fucked it all up, and after some back and forth we've agreed to go NC until the 12 month mark. I can't stop thinking about her, the pain I caused her, all the times I told her I wanted to marry her before I just stopped wanting it one day. I can't stop thinking about getting back together with her, and just doing it all again because I had a really bad week or something. I have a much better understanding of myself/why I do things or think certain ways now, but that hasn't changed me really. I'm afraid I can't change, and even if I moved on, I'd just do this all again to a new person.
I guess I wish, at the very least, that I knew what I do now back when I dumped her. I was still figuring things out and told her a lot of stuff that I was only feeling in the moment but didn't really understand. Some of it just isn't true anymore, some of it didn't need to be heard, but a lot of it is just symptoms of greater problems that would have resolved themselves if I just waited a couple months. All of it hurt her more than she needed to be hurt. I wish I never hurt her in the first place.
At this point, I am choosing to do those things that healthy people do (exercise, rest, therapy, being social, family) because I'm hoping she'll appreciate it and will have been doing the same things when I see her next. But if we're not both strongemore resilient people when that happens, we can not start a new relationship without the threat of a repeat hanging over us. So we just can not start again. And then what? I fucked up my life and then spent a year building a new one just to not have her back in it? The obvious answer is "yes," but the only answer I can really believe in is "I wasted a year of effort building a life for a guy I don't even like and I didn't even get what I wanted out of it." Its such a stupid position to put yourself into and I hate myself more than ever for doing it. I want to be positive, but it's hard.
If you're reading this post before you decide to dump someone you still love and you're also unwell, just please get into therapy and submit to the process. If you end up staying a few extra months getting your head right before you break it off, that's great! You will have an easier recovery and not so much guilt! If you get right and figure out how to solve your relationship issues(literally just talking 90% of the time), awesome! But to not give yourself that help just opens you up to this pain and guilt and crisis, even if it is the correct decision.

For context, I’m a 25yo female, that comes from a mixed background (my mother 56F is a white woman from southern Europe, my father is from the Balkans and migrated to my country when he was younger). This is relevant and you will understand later.
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town in southern Europe, where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about immigrants coming to our country and jadajadajada. The government is mostly right wing. So yeah, I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but as in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
Anyway, she suspected I was seeing someone for a while, I never really said much but I’ve been giving her a few hints in the past weeks and now that I came back to my hometown for a week she started being very curious. The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
then she continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
I don’t really know how to handle this. And I’m also just venting and need some support. I wished we could all act as adults, respect each other, have a normal relationship. Am I asking for too much?!
Any advice is highly appreciated.
I’ll be stuck in her house for the next two days and finally I’ll leave on Thursday. I want her to think about her actions and realize where she did wrong before I leave. I don’t wanna put this under the carpet cause it’s unacceptable.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and at the same time she plays the victim and claims she lost me the moment I moved abroad and I don’t care about her even if we talk everyday. I wished there was a way to behave like adults. Advices on setting boundaries?

Last night, I had a dream about an ex lover. We dated 3 months between August-October. We ended kinda okay, but not really. Long story short. It’s the week of finals and I have dream about him. Which is weird cause I haven’t really been thinking about him. I’ve been focused on finals. However, he appeared in my dream told me he loved me and that he missed me. We end doing it in the dream, kinda. It was like he was my boyfriend again. Then the dream just turns horribly violent. There’s another girl with black hair glaring at me (I have light brown hair). His eyes turn kinda dark (he has blue eyes) and says he’s been with her and that he plans to marry her and get a house. That everything he did with me was a joke and that he was with her the entire time getting back together with me. I’m then getting chased by him and 2 guys (blurry faces). I stopped and I’m surrounded by darkness and I see him towering over me. He turns into a demonic spider? It was fucking scary and I woke up shaking and in pain from my dream. What does this mean???? Please help.