Cute rating forwards for texting

Can't help but laugh my ass off at how ridiculously selfish and self-centered this is.
Context: I'm 31, been with my FIANCEwBPD (29) for 7 years. She moved to another town for law school back in September, we'd been living together up until then. I agreed to stay in our original city to watch our pets, and the plan was for me to move to her when I secured a job in the area.
Well since September it's been nothing but push-pull devaluation bullshit. Like, we had serious issues 1.5 months into long distance so I know the problem's not me. She just randomly called me one night after acting cold and distant for a long while. I asked her if she wanted to break up and she said: "I don't know."
I said "Fine, we're done." Then she immediately booked a red eye to come see me and apologize.
We worked through that. As you may know, that likely accomplished nothing in the long run and she just built resentment cus I 'punished her'. Flash forward another 7 months to now. Throw in some more devaluation cycles. I ghosted her for 2 weeks recently for the sake of my own mental health (which she took as a personal attack even though she's been ghosting me since the second she moved up there).
We have a group vacation coming up. 4-day trip. It's a very important trip actually, because I'm headlining my first theater as a stand-up comedian and tons of college friends and family are coming out to see me.
Now, I'm not trying to stress about this bullshit up until the day of the show, I'd rather be done now. I already feel detached--in a good way. I've reflected on the peace I'll have and on the potential of finding a partner in the future who actually IS empathetic instead of just telling everyone non-stop how empathetic they are. When somebody constantly brings up a very 'strong quality' of theirs, assume that they're just masking their complete lack of that very quality. This is the case like 90% of the time. This is why during my sister's college graduation, her friends confided in her that my fiance seemed fake as fuck. She was playing a character and they could see it. Tl;Dr: If someone constantly talks about being an empath, assume they're an absolutely toxic psychopath.
I've also realized that this entire time I thought I didn't want kids, I was actually just terrified of her mothering them. Because it's inevitable she will split on them and perpetuate this cycle for another generation.
Anyway we're texting last night, I'm trying to get some clarification on where we're at before this trip because I'd rather her just not go if we're done, that'd be weird AF. She says:
"I don't know, since our last conversation I said I didn't really want to be engaged anymore and later said I didn't want to make any major decisions at that time. I still feel the same. But I thought we would be able to talk about Honey separate to that." -- She wanted me to bring our dog on the trip so she could go with her, which I told her I'm not comfortable with.
I replied: "Wasn't able to stick my fork in that word salad, you'll have to clarify. Did you get your timelines mixed up? In our last conversation you never said "I don't want to be engaged anymore."
I continued: "I asked you, after stating my concerns, if you felt there's anything you felt you could do to reduce the BPD mistreatment towards me. Then I asked if you still wanted to be engaged. You answered: 'I think so? I don't want to make any major decisions right now."
She responds: "Did not get my timelines mixed up. I said I don't think so. I don't know. I don't want to make any major decisions."
Me: "Wow haha either I misheard or you didn't say what you thought you said. Either way, 3 weeks later you feel your state of mind remains 'Don't want to make any major decisions? That's interesting."
Her: "Ok?"
Me: "I was just trying to understand what you said? I don't want to put words in your mouth. When you say 'I still feel the same', what are you referring to exactly? Because you mentioned 2 or 3 different things
Her: "That I don't really feel like I want to be engaged but don't want to make any decisions. To be honest I'd rather talk to you in person about this. And you seem to be getting mad."
Me: I am not the least bit bothered but thank you for your concern : )
Me: "In person, like during the Phoenix trip?"
Her: "I mean, if so, after your show."
I have not responded to that. I'm thinking, "That's one of the most selfish things I've ever heard. You know people are going on this trip to have fun right? Like oh yeah, why don't you just get your little comedy show done so I can break up with you immediately after? Hope that doesn't affect your performance!" Lmfao.
Not to mention, she's perfectly happy keeping me in suspense for another three weeks, which would affect anybody's preparation. She's trying to take a weekend that's about my professional accomplishments, my friends, family, and make it about herself like she always fucking does. What an empath.
Thank fuck we didn't get married. She wanted to get married 6 months after meeting me. Like literally "Let's run down to the courthouse right now and get married." I'm of the thought this relationship ended two years ago when I put that rock on her finger. She split on me 4 months after and threw a fit because I didn't want to rush and sign a contract for a $50k wedding.

My boyfriend has smoked cigarettes off and on now for a handful of years. In the past, he usually smokes when in times of high stress. He has told me he wants to and has quit for periods of time, telling me that he has thrown out packs of cigarettes. We live in a small village, where smoking is pretty much the norm.
He recently started a new job, and he joked to me how he couldn’t wait to start and smoke cigarettes and weed every day like all the people at his place of work do. He confirmed to me that he wanted to quit again upon starting the high stress job, and that he wanted to make better life choices, start working out, etc.
Flash forward a couple of weeks later, he is smoking multiple times daily, something I’ve never known him to do. I’ve texted him my thoughts, even trying to be not judgemental but talking about his plans for the future and how I recognize that it’s ultimately his decision.
He tells me that “science is always changing and they’ll probably tell us in 10 years that smoking is good for you” and “I believe when it’s our time to go it’s our time to go” (about how I fear anything happening to his health). He has told me he doesn’t need to be micromanaged, and that he can stop smoking any time he wants, so if he wants to enjoy a cigarette occasionally he is going to. I know I can’t control him nor do I want to, but I’ve been so emotional as I’m watching him form an addiction, yet there’s nothing I can really do.
I try texting him, just asking whether he plans to continue or if he’s consciously going to try and stop/reduce the amount he smokes ever, just so that I can try and either cope with him not stopping or whether I can be there for him and support him in quitting. He ignores my texts.
Smoking is everywhere. Movies, songs, my colleagues, my family members who died due to smoking related illnesses (which he asked me “how do you know that it was the smoking that did this to them?”). He leaves cigarette butts in his car to not put them in the parking lot at work as it’s a no smoking premises. He always usually tries to keep his car squeaky clean, but not in the past few weeks.
How can I support him? I know it’s his battle. But I’m in a relationship with him. It’s eating at me every minute of the day. Maybe I equate smoking cigarettes with illness, addiction, and harmful vices, but I’d like to think I have good intentions.

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I still feel very embarrassed for how I let her treat me and embarrassed that I didn’t know the relationship was toxic. If anything I learned a lot from this experience.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

Hi all, after much deliberation, the MTC has reached majority votes approving the following changes to three maps currently in rotation:

• Transilio has been placed on sabbatical
• Moon Base has been updated to Moon Base 2024
• Audacity has been updated to Audacity 2

For further detail on the sabbatical process, you can refer to our recent post. Essentially, Transilio will be temporarily removed from rotation, returning to trial rotation to be reevaluated in ~6 months with its map ratings wiped.
Regarding Moon Base and Audacity, we are adopting the versions of these maps that have been used in NALTP and TPM for the past couple of years, so if you have played in either of those formats recently you will already be familiar with the new versions. If you haven't, Moon Base 2024 includes minor changes to the pup and spike areas and walls in mid, while Audacity 2 slims down the islands and reshapes some of the perimeter tiles. The affirmative voters on the committee believe these minor changes will improve the flow of each map, as well as promote continuity between pubs and competitive play. The longtime rotation versions of Moon Base and Audacity will still exist in the retired maps section, and the updated versions will take their place in the standard rotation. The updates enter the game with no votes, so don't forget to vote when you see them!
These changes are currently underway and should be live within 1 hour of this post. We look forward to your feedback. Stay tuned as we plan to announce more sabbaticals in the near future.

Hi there,
My boyfriend and I are trying to sell a condo in Beaverton Oregon for a competitive market rate. It is the newest, largest, most upgraded unit in Washington county with low inventory, 2 bd 3 bath 1200 sq feet with a double garage. It is part of a 7 unit complex with low HOA dues ($140). We’ve had a lot of showings in the last 8 days because of the price.
The problem is the exterior. It was sealed in 2021 with quotes for exterior painting in the 15-20k range. After a sea of no show contractors and inflation these exterior paint quotes have gone up to 30k+ with only 22k in reserves. It is entirely cosmetic, as again it is sealed with hardyboard siding. All prospective buyers have been hesitant to buy because they are worried about a pending special assessment ( there is not one) or litigation (no one in the unit is going to sue) over what is cosmetic and everyone has agreed to just wait for the dues to be saved up over the next year. There is no additional work to be done, all new roof and gutters have been completed etc.
What the HOA has said is this:
“That’s the idea for now. We plan to try to use reserve funds. If we can’t find anyone willing to paint within the budget then we have a meeting and discuss what folks want to do. At that point it’s on a group majority vote on if folks want an assessment which has been expressed as last choice, want dues raised, want to parse out the work into smaller bits and save up for it in phases or just accept living in a less than aesthetically pleasing building in favor of low bills. I know that’s not the norm for an HOA. But we are 7 units, with a goal of keeping these places as a cheap and friendly place to live. We try to keep everything as frugal as possible and everyone gets a voice/vote for any fees, dues increases, etc. I hope that helps.”
My realtor says she cannot advertise that the outside has been sealed and they are taking bids on exterior paint because the HOA has not determined how it will be handled- though that is exactly how an end unit advertised and sold in November with and FHA loan which has SUPER STRICT guidelines for lending, even they agreed it was aesthetic. She says the HOA needs to figure out what it will be doing soon, but they won’t likely do that in this selling period. They are really laid back and don’t want to ruin people financially for something aesthetic.
I’m feeling like I’m going insane here, is our only option to lower the price even though our place is going to be about 2100 a month as compared to 2800 a month for comps? Is our realtor doing us a disservice by being unwilling to push the fact that there is no structural issues and it is just paint? She keeps saying the longer it sits on the market the worse it gets but I don’t feel like she’s exactly doing the most to move it?
Really need some advice about how to move forward.

(I understand this is a bit of a read so I included a tl:dr at the bottom)
This may end up becoming a wall of text so I apologize in advance. I'm not sure how to properly start this so I'll just jump into it. I've been living with my best friends for the past 8 years. The 4 of us moved in together in early 2016 after deciding it would be beneficial financially and because we all get along so damn well that we knew there wouldn't be any issues living under the same roof. Fast forward to today and although 2 them have moved out, I'm still living here with my one buddy and his girlfriend. Things are still great there, no signs of friendship deterioration, tolerance or anything that might cause friction between us. However, I've been witness to a few things as well as started experiencing health issues that have completely changed the outlook I had on life back when we moved in together nearly a decade ago.
A little over 3 years ago I began dealing with awful IBS issues that to this day are still not properly being treated as doctors can't figure out what's wrong with my gut. Over the past 4 months I have begun dealing with nearly debilitating anxiety that has left me pretty much unable to leave the house except for doctor's appointments or the extremely occasional outing to a family or friend's house where I'm only able to stay for about an hour before having to leave. I do see a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist and I am on medication for both the IBS and anxiety, which helps but is in no way a cure. Due to these issues, I have become a shell of the person I used to be. No longer do I wake up and just decide to take a drive to the Jersey shore, a trip to Six Flags or head into the city to catch a Phillies game. Instead, I sit in the house and play video games or watch youtube as doing almost anything else is sure to set my anxiety or IBS off which may or may not land me in the ER.
My buddy that I still live with has been through absolute hell the past few years but luckily he's the kind of person who can just raw dog life (as in, he doesn't deal with any physical or mental issues, rarely gets sick and has no trouble going anywhere, doing anything, can eat whatever he wants without issues, etc.). He lost his mom to cancer last year. She passed exactly one week after Mother's Day. She lived here with us for about the final year of her life. Me and him have been friends for a good 20+ years at this point so his mom was like a mother to me as well, especially being as I don't have a proper relationship with my own mother. Watching her suffer through years of cancer only to pass away at 54 years old was heartbreaking. At least she's finally at peace now, of course. Now, his dad is also going through cancer treatment which is a recurrence of cancer that was found years ago, which automatically makes it stage 4. His prognosis is not grim but to many of us, his dad just seems done with it all. He stays here with us on weekends and with his sister during the week. We can see how much of a toll it's all taking on him. He won't admit it but we know that he doesn't want to put his son through all of this again after losing his mom just last year. If he was given a choice to "go" right now, he would take it, 100% to alleviate any more potential suffering at his or anyone else's behalf. His (my friend's) girlfriend also deals with chronic health issues both physical and mental which has helped open his eyes to the things that other people (who can't just raw dog life) go through on a daily basis. She lost her father when she was in her early 20s so it's helpful to him that she understands what losing a parent feels like.
Watching all of this happen just makes me realize how little our health care industry and government actually seem to care about our true wishes regarding life and death. Why did his mom have to suffer all those years with a terminal diagnosis? Why does his dad have to suffer now? Just because they're both in their 50s and not elderly it seems like care is always about treatment and not giving them the option to leave this life with their dignity intact. I myself would choose to leave this world if the door was opened for me. That does not mean that I am currently having thoughts of killing myself. It means that if the option was presented to me, to go out on my own terms, I would take it. Suicide is still extremely taboo in our society for some reason. Religion and government would have you think it is a crime against humanity but what is more humane than letting someone decide on their own terms that they're ready to move on? We are given this broad illusion of choice as children that we will get to grow up to be who we want to be and if we just try hard enough, we can accomplish anything. But for the vast majority of us, that is just not true. It is an illusion. We work and work and work just to barely earn enough money to survive and many end up in unhappy marriages solely because that's what society made them think they had to do as an adult.
Watching someone you love like family suffer and die will change you. Developing health issues that flip you from being someone outgoing, spontaneous. hard working and passionate into the complete opposite of those things will change you. Discovering that our healthcare system and government will do everything it possibly can to keep you as a "functioning member of society" no matter whether you're going through cancer treatment or dealing with chronic health issues will change you.
I'm 37 years old and I've never felt older in my life than I do right now. It's been almost 3 months that I've been on FMLA from work for the second time in 3 years. I'm wearing a heart monitor because my cardiologist wants to rule out any issues as my heart racing/palpitations are most likely just due to anxiety. Medication doesn't feel like it's doing much of anything and I'm watching the people around me grow older and deal with new problems every day. Yet our society says that we must keep going, no matter if you're suffering because the gears must keep turning. If we truly have the choice to do whatever we want to do in life, why aren't we allowed the choice to leave when we are ready? Why is it taboo? People kill themselves in horrific fashion every single day, more than once every *minute* worldwide. They want a way to fix that and the solution is right there in front of them. Give people the option to leave on their own terms. I've had plenty of conversations about this with friends and family and almost every single one of us would choose to leave on our own terms, when we are ready if the option were available. Hell, even my psychologist agrees with me on this. There's always a big debate about the ethics of it all but until you witness firsthand someone suffering and dying or begin dealing with your own health issues there really isn't any way to understand it. The vast majority of people are out there just raw dogging life and thoughts like these never cross their mind even once. But once it's brought up to them, they understand and accept it, at least in my own personal experiences from talking with friends and family. Ethics, health, religion, government, society, all of these things play a role in determining our fate. I just hope that someday a program is put in place so that people no longer have to suffer.
Finishing up, I understand that my condition is nowhere near as bad as what many others may be dealing with. Some people will look at me with disdain for wanting to walk through the door at only 37 years old while others will understand exactly where I'm coming from and feel the same. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I am appreciative of the healthcare system while also criticizing its flaws. I'm glad that religion provides so many with the means to live a happy and healthy life while also believing that many views (and laws) put forth by religious folk are vile and extremely outdated. I am glad that there are systems in place to help people in their darkest hours while also understanding completely why so many choose to leave. At 37 I still have plenty of my life left ahead of me, even if I don't want to get old. I still have things to look forward to such as video game releases or a new series to watch that keep me going. But I also acknowledge that there is a part of me that is ready to go. I have seen what life has to offer. I have lived with my family, on my own, while in a relationship and with my best friends. I do not want to get married or have kids. I do not want to work until I'm 65 (retirement age is likely to rise during my lifetime anyway). I do not want to get old and become a burden on anyone, either family/friends, healthcare workers or the average citizens who would have to pay for my social security.
Lose the illusion of choice and give people the option to go when they are ready.
If you managed to read through all of that, I just want to say thanks! Life is a beautiful thing and I am incredibly thankful for all of the amazing people I've met over the years and for the things that I've been able to do and see. This is not a post about wanting to commit suicide, it's main focus should be that we are forced into this world against our will and given the illusion of choice but when it comes down to it, we really don't have that much choice in how we live our lives and especially not when it comes to wanting it to end. Life can be incredibly fragile and many of us took that for granted until health issues decided it was time to show their ugly faces. I truly do not believe that feeling like you are ready to go should be considered taboo in any way. It should be something that everyone is provided a safe and comfortable space to discuss, whether with loved ones or medical professionals. For all of you out there just raw dogging life, I see you and I hope that someday I can get back to that, I really do miss being able to do whatever I wanted without a second thought. And of course, for anyone who knows what it feels like to be ready to go, to feel confident and comfortable with that decision, I see you as well and hope that the rest of society someday sees that as normal.
tl:dr I am 37 years old and over the past half decade I've watched family and people who were like family to me suffer and die from cancer or other health-related issues. I also deal with debilitating anxiety and IBS issues which obviously are nowhere near the level of something like cancer. However, I've discovered I have a feeling of "being ready to go" and I believe that people should be able to choose to leave this life with dignity and on their own terms without having to do something horrific. The healthcare industry, religious beliefs or government should not force us to remain here against our own free will just so we can keeps the gears of society turning. Let people leave on their own terms when they know that they are ready and get rid of the stigma surrounding talking about death.

I had a last chat with my gf today via txt. It`s over. I`m so heart broken. I wanted to get a peace of mind and her come to my place (outside) so i can say goodbye (hug) and give her some of her things back. First she accepted, but after 3hours she sent text she can´t face me now. She is having hard time divorcing from maniac ex who is mentally abusing her and is having therapy so lot of stress. She wants space and being alone so she dumbed me even though we had amazing 4-5months. I was good to her always other than wanting to see more often which pissed her sometimes and i apologized it today. I tried to lay the option that we could continue the way she wants, but no. She just can`t have anything going with any man at the moment and i said i can wait her to get better and be supportive by her side, but she didn´t ask me to wait and wants to set me free which feels like knife to heart.
I can give her things at gym we both go. So my question is should i wait that she would come to meet my place to get the stuff back? Even though she was very against it later today and said throw them away. I could give her things back at the gym, but i can`t say my goodbyes there so that would leave me sad as there is no final closure if this is really the end.
Other question is i can go the gym at the times she goes there and she was actually fine us seeing at the gym going forward as we don´t chat there just say hi. I would love that as for the time i see her i feel better, but i don´t know can i then move forward in life. I don´t think i can anyway for long time as she was so special. I don`t want to let go and watching the YT clips "the power of walking away" so kinda same as no contact to make her miss us and maybe at the end of summer she would understand what she lost and miss me so much to re-think if she feels better at that point. She won´t be living near my area long time so i need to make decision to see her still while i can or go full NC/walk away and hope for the best. I just fear i would regret of not seeing her these few months. This is killing me.
Thanks for comments and thoughts!

We are dating since february and we are in a LDR (2 hours of train from one another), i am more flexible than her to meet her since i work remotely 4 out of 5 days a week and she is studying. I understand her fears that are also a combination of commitment and distance, so i tried to give her a lot of space and to show her that distance wasn't a problem for me and solutions were plenty. 3 weeks ago we had a crisys since we booked a 5 days trip consisting in me visiting her at her place with her room mates and their friends. she dropped last minute all the plan and we went no talk for a week. I was really pissed at her for her lack of communication in telling me this thing, i knew that it could be moving the relationship further and i knew that maybe it wasn't that much of a deal visiting her while the house was full of people (all the room mates invited their friends so the house was overcrowded). but she just panicked and didn't have the courage to talk to me about this just messaging... after 1 week she texted me that she would come back to our hometown two weeks from this message for the weekend and that she would've like to see me if i did want to. i accepted and we started talking again with ease, and now and then she kept on being a little bit cold, but she called me since she knew i was angry about this lack of communication tool. in the call she told me she was just afraid of the distance and the commitment, i opened my heart to her and told her what i see in her and in which direction i want to move this "unofficial" relationship; she was shy and silent so i told her to not worry and that we already have an occasion to talk about it. Fast forward to the last weekend we met eachother and we were kind of playing in a limbo, kissing then pushing away then whatever. So i took the ball and talked to her and after she repeated to me that she wasn't sure and she was afraid i told her that it was over. She started crying like crazy for an hour, then she told me that she is stupid and fearful but she likes me very very much and wants to continue. I told her that we can continue but we have to communicate better and be sincere and so and so, and she promised that she would always call me if she was in panick or fearful and treat me more respectfully, but nontheless she still has a little bit of fears. Her past 2 relationship didn't end up good and she still a little bit hurt about them even tho more than 2 years passed from the last one. Now, i understand her fears but my mind is a bit messed up... are those fears something true, should i give her the time for her to come to me more than me to her? are these thing something resolvable or she just doesn't like me enough... i'm confused. I also gave her a ticket after we discussed and she cried, which was a present that was supposed to be hers for when i had to pay visit, she said yes but she is slowly moving to booking the trains... i kind of see those fears. To me her coming to the concert would be a big sign of caring about me. But i know it's also a little big complicated for her since she has to take a train just to come for the concert (2 hours) and then she has to visit a friend of her for his graduation party the next day in a city 4 hours from the one where the concert is.
TL;DR! she is afraid of commitment and distance, but when i try to break up she cannot loose me and wants to go forward dating, seems like we are just afraid to put a name on a thing, are those fears something resolvable or is it that she doesn't like me enough?

I just got my first pair of IEMS today. This is more meant for first timers like me with basic knowledge.
The pair i went with is the truthear HEXA which i got for ~88 euro(~95$)
My first impresions are great. Dont expect a night and day difference, tho it is a big jump from the likes of headphones around the same price range. This might not make them sound good (which they are) but i think you get it.
I guess sound should come first. They are great. great great. I hear things i didnt before which makes my favourite tracks even better. I heard bass might be lackin for some people but its not bad for me. Its good. Something i like is that it is not exscesive. Im not gonna talk about lows, mids, highs, trebbles and such becuase i dont have enought knowledge to explain it and first timers like me most likely will not understand most of it.
So far i havent gamed with them becuase i have a test tommorow but i will make a edit on or after the weekend :)
Next i should put comfort . AND HEAR ME OUT THEY ARE COMFORTABLE. They really are. I used them for about 3-4 hours today with some breaks (using them as i write this lol). They havent feel out of my ears, i didnt feel uncomfortable and just in general they are great. While using my liberty air 2s they frequently get lose inside my ears. On a important note its all personal experience. People have tighter or wider ear canals and you might not find them comfy. The included arragment of tips is good. Theres something for everybody. Small, Medium, Big, Foam, Wider, Narrower. They do affect sound but im not that sure. I think the wider ones have less bass and are overal less bright and the other way around?
I already mentioned the ear tips included but lets go over the rest. Included is the cable, leather(?) case and instructions. Nothing more really. Also the box didnt wanna slide out for me lol
IMPORTANT. After you are done using the IEMs put them in the included case to prevent dust build up. This ensures balanced audio and overal longetivity.
This section is more stuff i wasnt sure where to put but should get a mention. As i use them i will update this since i cant think of much to put here
The cable feels nice. I heard it tangles easily but i have yet to see it tangle.
No mic. This is quite obvius but no these have no mic. (If you dont know yet you can use different cables which some have mics)
These are hybrid IEMs. What does that mean? I dont really know so if you want to know then well... not like i know. From my understanding instead of a single canal its 2 (maybe even 3?) inside. Again i dont know...
Sorry for the wall of text but for now this about summs it. What is my rating? None. Why? Stars and numbers dont mean much to me. All i can say is that i like them, i think they are good , id recommend them.
Big warning (i know this should be at the beggining). Take all of this with a grain of salt. Im no audiophile. I like listening to music and i like when it sounds good. I want this post to be a sort of lighthearted faq to people like me who when looking to buy their first IEM did not have the knowledge to understand all the graphs and more professional talk of the community.
If this post wasnt much help im sorry. But dont let it let you down. Search this sub and others alike to find the answears you are looking for. There are many people willing to help.
If you have any questions i will try to answear them if i can :)

Hey everyone.
I have been working with React and Typescript for the past 2 years, and with node and javascript for 4+ years but only as a hobby. I'm looking to turn this into a career and to find a junior developer position. I want to work with other developers more experienced than me.
I know that taking an opportunity on someone with no portfolio is a bit challenging so I will make that choice easier for you. If you don't like my work you won't have to pay, that's it, you only pay if you're satisfied with my work and the code is up to your standards. I can also do fixed rate if that's what you prefer.
I accept Paypal. I don't know anything about crypto but if the client wants it I think can make it work.
Looking forward to hearing from you

Apologies for the wall of text incoming. This is my first time dealing with this level of incompetency, so I'm not sure what to do. I just got back from my Honeymoon of two weeks. The week prior to departing, I put in a mail hold request for the duration which went through and was confirmed. On the second day of the trip, I see an Informed Delivery message indicating 4 pieces of mail were coming, but I don't know if Informed Delivery during a mail hold is just indicative of what is being held, or if it's going to actually get delivered and my hold is being ignored. What I also see is a package out for delivery, so I call my post office and talk to someone about this and they say they'll take care of it. I get a call back 30 minutes later, it's all taken care of, and I see the tracking on the package has changed to being held at customer request. I continue to get informed delivery messages for mail, but like I said earlier, I don't know if that's just what happens during a hold.
Flash forward to this previous Sunday, we get home, I check mail to see if that stuff actually got delivered or if it was on hold (It was not due to be delivered until today, Tuesday) and lo and behold, multiple pieces of mail are in the box. Not everything from informed delivery, but at least 75%. What's missing are 1 wedding card, and all the mail from that day I called. I pray that somehow some mail is going to get delivered still, but Monday afternoon nothing had arrived so I drive to the post office. I state the situation and ask if I have mail here and where the package is, as the tracking still says held as USPS. They tell me to go wait by this door to talk to a sup. I stand at this door like an idiot for 30 minutes. Nobody comes. The lady that originally helped me has been helping others the whole time, and I work in customer service and know what it's like to be slammed, so I'm trying not to get too angry, and she eventually sees nobody has helped me and asks the second clerk to help me next. This second clerk takes my info, goes and looks, and returns saying they have no mail for me. I say ok but what about the package, give her the tracking number. She passes this off to a third person.
Third person comes back 10 minutes later with a fat stack of mail saying hey I found it all! I ask about the package, and she says oh let me go look what's the tracking number. I give the number, and she disappears. While she's looking, I look at the mail she handed me and it's not my mail. She literally gave me someone else's mail that also has their mail on hold. The addresses were similar, off by 1 number, but seriously, no wonder mail is missing all the time. Another 15 minutes goes by (I've now been at the post office for an hour) and the original lady looks at me and asks if anyone is still helping me. I say yeah they are looking for the package. She asks me for tracking number. Third person comes out and says the supervisor looked but the package is lost. The original clerk hears this and from what i can infer, thinks 3rd person is incompetent, and says no let me handle this. She takes my name, phone number, address, and tracking number and says she'll get the sup to find it and call me back.
Needless to say, nobody ever called me back. So now here I am with a missing wedding card that likely has some monetary gift inside, a missing package (still says held at USPS per customer request) that also is likely a wedding gift because we have no record of the tracking number in any of our orders and aren't expecting anything, and have no idea what to do. While I could find out what was in the card, that's an incredibly awkward conversation. I have no idea how to figure out what was in the package short of asking every single person we invited if they had a gift shipped to our home, and if so what it was. And even if I did have the value of all those missing items, would USPS insurance even cover it?

I have just received the following e-mail with a few more details from OpenAi:
Hi there,
We launched GPT-4o in the API—our new flagship model that’s as smart as GPT-4 Turbo and much more efficient. We’re passing on the benefits of the model’s efficiencies to developers, including:

• 50% lower pricing. GPT-4o is 50% cheaper than GPT-4 Turbo, across both input tokens ($5 per 1 million tokens) and output tokens ($15 per 1 million tokens).
• 2x faster latency. GPT-4o is 2x faster than GPT-4 Turbo.
• 5x higher rate limits. Over the coming weeks, GPT-4o will ramp to 5x those of GPT-4 Turbo—up to 10 million tokens per minute for developers with high usage.

GPT-4o in the API currently supports text and vision capabilities. It has better vision capabilities and improved support for non-English languages compared to GPT-4 Turbo. It has a 128k context window and has a knowledge cut-off date of October 2023. We plan to launch support for GPT-4o’s new audio and video capabilities in the API to a small group of trusted partners in the coming weeks.
We recommend that developers using GPT-4 or GPT-4 Turbo consider switching to GPT-4o. You can access GPT-4o in the Chat Completions API and Assistants API, or in the Batch API where you get a 50% discount on batch jobs completed asynchronously within 24 hours.
To get started, test the model in Playground, which now supports vision capabilities, and check out our API documentation. To learn how to use vision to input video content with GPT-4o today, check out the Introduction to GPT-4o cookbook. If you have questions, please reach out in the OpenAI developer forum.
—The OpenAI team

Here's a rundown of what happened:
I initially had a glowing review of the property after touring a few weeks back. I informed them that I was only looking at the moment because my lease wasn't up until June. I left a great google review but was contacted via text by the tour guide and he told to remove the review as the company had a policy to not post reviews for tours. I thought it was weird but I deleted it only for me to see reviews about tours with acknowledgements from staff. Red flag #1.
Fast forward to this week, I saw an apartment within my budget and time frame for move-in open up in the building and sent a request to visit again before applying. To my surprise I was called by the leasing office and told the ID I gave them was fake and I couldn't apply to the apartment. Mind you, I received what I thought was a spam message saying "Fucken scammer, using a fraudulent id to tour property is a felony....I love how you think everyone is stupid..." and so on. This was sent to my personal cell phone over the weekend. I thought nothing of it until I happened to try to set up a new tour and had it confirmed over the phone.
So not only did they lie about leaving a review but I was harassed via text. When I tried to explain that the ID verification was a mistake(because it obviously is), I was sent a link to upload my passport. The link they provided would not let me upload my passport. I provided a screenshot of the error in the email and was told there was no alternative and I should look elsewhere. For seemingly no reason at all I was lied to and doxxed for what is a correctable mistake.
This entire situation was extremely weird and stressful as I have been struggling to find a place that meets my criteria. I was made out to be a criminal and treated like shit by this leasing agency. Is there any action I can take for my ID being falsely rejected and my phone number being used to insult me?

I liked guys since I was like 13 but as I got older I pushed it away a tried to be someone I wasn’t bc I didn’t feel wanted or comfortable. Had a baby at 18, went to jail for two years and this is when it all started coming back out. But like I was sitting here thinking like all my life I’ve been rating men by their looks like “oh he ugly as shit” or “he looks really cute” and I was like if I wasn’t bi or liked men would I still look at men like that like. U look good or u look ugly type shit. Idk

I’ve known this woman for about two years. She had a thing for me, but I didn’t hook up with her when she wanted to a few times as I was a depressed mess over my ex. Flash forward a year, we reconnected and I fell for her hard. Made a move, she just saw me as a friend. I took some distance, but now she won’t leave me alone. She drunk FaceTimed me a few weeks later, wouldn’t talk to me the next day, then when I tried to ask her out on a date again she rejected me and hoped we could just be friends. I said I needed some boundaries.
But now she’s getting her mutual friends to text me to ask why I won’t be her friend, which isn’t even true. I’ve been nothing but nice and friendly when I’ve seen her out just not sticking around for long or starting conversations. I hung out with a mutual friend and she made a surprise appearance, and tagged along the whole day. I posted my location on Snapchat and she showed up to hang out with me. I blocked her from seeing my location as I thought she was using it to follow me and she called to ask why I wasn’t sharing my location with her anymore. Two of her friends called me last week to ask to catchup for drinks, and guess who showed up by coincidence at the bar?
Now another mutual friend reached out to ask me to get dinner, and when I showed up it was just him, his gf, and her. I’m at my wits end. I’ve told her like 3 times I can’t be her close friend if we aren’t dating as I like her a ton and she keeps refusing. It’s not even like we were best friends or anything before. We had a really really close 3 month talking stage where we got super close in those 3 months and when I wanted more she freaked out

I am writing this review to share my experience and to let others know about what happened in this apartment. With it being a private landlord, it is not possible to leave reviews on a website or google, so I thought reddit is the next best thing. Let me start by saying - some of this is my fault for not sussing things out. I was in a bad situation before and was on a quick time crunch, so i said yes to this apartment quickly and without thinking.
This is a review of the Southside House on the corner of 14th St. S. Right next to dreamland. I lived in one of the bottom floor units. This apartment is owned by Fred Nasser.
I began renting here in April 2023 I was taking over a couple sublease. Let me say the first red flag should have been that the bedroom was EMPTY when I toured. I asked them why they are keeping it empty and not using it as the bedroom and they said they were using it for “storage” when there are literally 6 weird closets in this house. However, I just let that slide because to each their own? But I do think, in my opinion, they experienced the same thing that happened to me.
Sometime in the summer of 2023, I saw some house flies in the bedroom. Maybe like 3 of them? I thought “no big deal. maybe they just snuck in.” I come back from the gym, and there are literally at minimum 60 flies. All in the bedroom. Just on the bedroom window. They are not in the kitchen or anywhere else. I called Fred. He came out and sprayed the next day and yay he also caulked the windows completely shut and caulked dead flies into the window sill! But whatever I thought this was an old house.
Other experiences in the house - roaches. Not a full blown infestation but definitely concerning to have small baby roaches in the bathroom. Also neighbors in the upstairs who, and I am sorry to whoever is up there going through this, are in a toxic domestic situation. I would often hear someone in that apartment screaming “get the fuck out. I am going to K*ll myself” and banging so loud on one of the doors that my apartment would shake. I saw mold in the bathroom when i first moved in, and the next day it was “fixed.” Also can’t do laundry and bath at the same time because the water will be crazy. The shower frame (?) connector to the ceiling broke off due to so much water and steam eroding it away due to there not being a fan in the bathroom asked fred to come fix it…. he did not. I had to end up getting some wood to drill to the ceiling to then drill the shower frame into.
Fast forward to March 2024. The flies in the bedroom are BACK. Once again, just in the bedroom. However, this time there is a smell of rotting meat. I reach out to fred on Wednesday, and he says he will be out FRIDAY. But whatever, I will be patient. The flies continue to get worse and the smell becomes unbearable. I moved EVERYTHING out of the bedroom and into the living room. There is nothing in the actual bedroom that was causing this smell. I am updating Fred about the condition. He comes out on Friday and I text him later, as I was not in the apartment due to the flies and smell, asking him how it went. He says “Good. nothing dead.” I come back Friday evening and the flies are dead but the smell is still there. It was getting more and more pungent over the next week. I was running an ionizer to eliminate the smell, which would work for a few hours and then the smell would come back. I sent Fred a text on Friday, one on Saturday, and one on Sunday. All saying something like“Hey! I just want to let you know the flies are coming back and the smell is getting worse.” The flies were starting to come back on Saturday and continuously got worse. On Sunday…. my text did not deliver. I thought maybe he turned his phone off for the weekend. I wait till Monday. I send a text explaining how it is getting worse and there has to be something dead. My message does not deliver. I get a friend to send him a text, and it immediately delivers. I realized I got BLOCKED, or this is my opinion of what happened. This is my landlords only contact and he is also the maintenance.
I download Google Voice and text him that I need this to be taken care of as it is not livable and I will have to break the lease if not. He lets me out of the lease with it written that this will not affect my rental history or my credit. He also sends me back my full security deposit.
I am writing this to warn other people about my experience. I am concerned that someone so quickly has moved in after I moved out only 2 weeks ago. I really hope the smell and fly problem was fixed.

This might be long, but i dont have anyone to talk to so if even one person reads this and helps i'll be super grateful!
Basically, had this “situationship” last November. Me and her were best friends in high school and were in like a 1.5 year talking stage lol, we never confessed feelings and eventually I told myself I had to move on from her bc I didn’t think it was ever gonna go anywhere. Fast forward to my junior year of college and her sophomore year, she had broken up with her bf (late October, a couple weeks before we started talking talking) and we had been in some contact the past few months. She drunk texted me the night she broke up with him and confessed how much she liked me in high school and it just sucked we never confessed feelings bc we would’ve been perfect together.
A couple weeks after all that, we’re on thanksgiving break and we hang out. We then talk about that in person, about how we would’ve been perfect for each other and we should’ve just confessed feelings, etc. Our next hangout, I decided that we shouldn’t talk right now. She had just gotten out of a really bad relationship and I had to study for my dental school admissions test. We would also be long distance, and I could sense how insecure she was in herself due to her past relationship, and she def needed time to be alone. I told her that, and she agreed. We agreed to try again after my Test, which would’ve been 3 months from then. Butttt then we eventually we kissed lol…
That led to us still talking and this was a topic of conversation like every couple of days. We would agree to not talk anymore and try again after my test, but then we would both fold and still talk. Winter break came around, and we said we’ll continue to talk and hang out until winter break ends. We’re with each other every night, she’s telling her friends about me and all her friends love me too. They all made an effort to meet me and they say I’m perfect for her. However, her ex would still hit her up, but she would show me everytime she rejected him so. Although, there was this one night they saw each other to talk and she said "i dont make any promises nothing wont happen btwn us" and that made me so scared, but nothing happened so ig its okay...??? Anyways, My hope was that by the time winter break ends, she’ll see we're good for each other and we can give it a chance, but she was still set on wanting to be single and heal from her last relationship, which I understand.
The night before winter break ended, I went over to her apartment. We basically did everything but have sex. She wanted to but I didn’t want her to get attached, and I didn’t wanna get attached myself so I told her we shouldn’t bc we were gonna be in no contact after this. She understood, but it was still one of the greatest nights of my life. I was finally with the girl I wanted to be with, and it just sucked we had to stop talking after this.
2 days after we're both back in school, she drunk texted me saying how much she missed me. So ofc we talked again that day. Next night, she drunk called me this time...She was talking about how i am her person, she sees herself falling in love with me and marrying me, and all this sorta stuff. She then told me "i dont think im good enough for you" this completely shattered my heart, no matter how much i told her thats not true and that shes perfect for me, she wouldnt agree. this confirmed that shes too insecure in herself to be in a relationship. After this, i wanted to talk to her sober about what she said, but she didnt want to. then she said we shouldnt wait for each other to try again after my test because she said she felt pressured to wait for me to be done...this made me so frustrated bc we agreed to try again every time we talked about this. Anyways, her bday was coming up, so i texted her friend to get her flowers on her actual bday and not tell her its from me (i had already gotten her flowers and a buncha gifts the night i went to her apartment) and she said she would. On her bday, i texted her and she just said "thanks" The combination of this and her bailing on the plan to try again after my test made me super frustrated. So that friend had asked me what happened btwn us and i kinda was in a rough place, so i told her that i dont think anything is ever gonna happen btwn us bc of the way things ended and all this tainted my image of her. I regret this so much. A couple weeks later, her friend texts me again to check in and i apologize to her friend about all the things i said, and i told the friend to tell her i am so sorry about it and i didnt mean any of it.
Okay, so throughout this semester, she texted me every now and then, wishing me happy bday and sometimes just asking me random stuff about school. After my test was done, which i did well on thankfully lol, she asked me how it went and i told her and stuff, but the convo never advanced. Now, I am stuck btwn wanting to ask her to hang out to try again or letting go of her and let fate bring us back together. Idk if she wants to hang out with me or not and its killing me. I feel like i completely ruined my chance with her bc of what i told her friend and its created a pit in my stomach. She def seems more confident and secure in herself bc shes finally posting on social media and stuff like that, which makes me so happy for her. Idk im just stuck. My fear is that she'll say no to hanging out, but i feel like if i never ask her then i'll never know. Like what if i ask her and shes willing to give it another chance, i wouldnt know if i didnt ask her ya know.
Tl; dr My overall question is: Do i let go of her and improve myself as much as possible and let destiny bring us back to each other like it did the first time, or make an effort to try again with her, with the fear of being rejected from the girl i've always wanted to be with?

Am I too much?
My boyfriend and I are new. We’ve been “official” for two months now and are quite serious. We’ve discussed the word love, but haven’t really put it out there. He has stated several times that he believes I’m in love with him but that he believes I’m holding it back to protect myself. He says I should let them out. I’ve repeatedly told him I’m nervous to do so because I’m not trying to rush this already fast paced relationship and that I don’t want my feelings to be vocalized and he not feel the same way. I told him I want to make sure my feelings are safe first, and he insists that they are with him. Just this weekend, he said “what if something happened to me and you never told me?” That statement stayed in my head during the entire scenario I’m writing about.
His wife passed almost a year ago, and since we met, he insists he’s ready to move forward in life. We talk about the future, but I’ve been a bit wary because I know this is all new to him. He is an amazing man and treats me wonderfully.
He’s 56 and I’m 45 but we live about 50ish miles from one another. We make a point to see each other as much as possible. We also make a point to communicate with one another every. Single. Day. We talk every morning before work, text throughout our day, and stay on the phone several hours at night. The only time we break this routine is when one of us is out of town or away visiting family, but we discuss that ahead of time.
This weekend, he came to my hometown, and we spent an amazing weekend together. We had the best time. At the end of the weekend, we both went home, (this was maybe 10am) but I never heard of he made it home safely. I texted him around 1 just to ask. Never heard a word. Then texted around 5pm to let him know I was going to a friend’s house and would call him when I got back home. Told him I hope his day was going well. We usually do check in texts when we know we will be unavailable.
I get home that night around 10pm and ask him to just please let me know if he’s ok. I then call but it goes straight to voicemail. Then again around 12am to let him know I’m worried. I go to bed.
I wake up around 6 am and see no missing calls or messages, so I call him. Straight to voicemail again, so now I’m worried. I go to work and still hear nothing from him, so around 9:30am (24 hours later), I call back. Same thing. This is very unlike him, and I start to panic.
What would you do at this point? I really hesitate doing everything else next, but I’m worried. I call his job to give him a message to contact me. I’m ready to leave it at that and wait. I don’t have his number memorized, so I’m sure with a dead phone that he doesn’t know mine. His job calls me back around 11am and says “ma’am. You called early to deliver a message to ———. Well, I’m calling you back to let you know that ——— isn’t here for us to deliver the message. I definitely was not expecting that and my fear sets in. That was a strange phone call to me.
I’m worried he’s hurt, and especially with not hearing a peep from him for over 24 hours, I leave work early around 12pm and head his way. I get to his house, and he’s not there. I go to his job next, but I don’t go in. Instead, I call a second time. I speak with the same person, and she asks my relation. I tell him I’m her girlfriend. She pauses and says “I’m not supposed to say anything, but I’ll just say this. His family knows what’s going on with him.” I tell her thank you then hang up.
To me, that means something happened. So I go to his mom’s house. Again, I am doubting all of my actions, but at this point, I’m thinking he’s hurt. We are new and haven’t introduced one another to family other than one person. Outside of our own information and the names of our jobs, we don’t have contact info for one another, so I’m unsure what to do during all of this. I decide I’d rather be the crazy lady that did too much than sit back and not know what happened.
So, I’ve been to his mom’s house but never inside. The one time I went, it was late at night and he had to pick something up, and I didn’t want to meet her for the first time in that manner. I have met his sister briefly before. So, I’m at his mom’s house and knock on the door. I explain what’s happening and she invites me in. She does not know who I am, but that’s not unusual. If the situation were reversed, my parents would not know who he is either. She tells me he is in the hospital and that she was there earlier and he should be home later. She told me what happened which is concerning but fits with what he’s told me about his medical history.
She gives me a different phone number for him. She says he had to get another phone the day before because he cracked the one with the number I have. I call it and it just rings. Then I ask the hospital number. She doesn’t give it to me (again, I don’t blame her) but tells me the hospital name and that the system at the hospital is down.
I go to the hospital. The system is down. I ask information, and they say something about ransomeware. After a while of asking, I leave and go sit somewhere to wait. I’m praying he will call me. I text the number his mom gave me and later the number calls back, rings once then hangs up. I call it back, rings then voicemail.
After about 3 hours after getting that number from his mom, the number calls me back. It’s him, and he’s pissed. He says I did too much. He’s mad I called his job because he doesn’t want them in his business. He says he could see if it was two or three days but not one. I told him something felt off and it turns out I was right. He was in the hospital. He asked why I did it all and I told him because he went all outside of our routine in a big way. He told me we don’t have a pattern and not to look for one. We definitely have a pattern. We even talked about it this weekend and I told him how much I love his consistency. I apologized if I overstepped and said I thought we were serious enough for our actions. He said we are that serious but proceeds to say I did too much. He wouldn’t let me come to the hospital to see him and said he needed some uninterrupted time to himself so I went home. I didn’t even respond and I don’t plan to. I feel like I should just step alllllllll the way back. I also think he’s panicking because he’s only used to being loved by his late wife.
I do love this man, but it feels like he took all that love he said he saw and wanted and threw it back in my face. I’ve made it clear that I’m intense. I would have done the same had it been my parents, my kids, siblings, friends, etc. when we talk again, I know I won’t be the same. I don’t trust him with my feelings anymore.
We haven’t talked since. I’m sure he’s doubting me because I’m surely doubting him. Not once did he acknowledge what I went through to check on him. And he wasn’t trying to listen. I told him I’m happy he’s ok but I listened to my intuition which said he wasn’t and it was right. He said don’t listen to that. I told him that had I heard from him just once that he was ok, none of this would have ever happened. Are my intentions even important here?
I know my actions are a lot and this is a lot to read, so if you’ve made it this far, thank you.
Am I crazy? What would you have done? What should I have done? Do you think this is salvageable?

original setting by Michael McNeill
Myrla sat at one of the tables in the food court area of Nantrella Station. The Greylin’s crew had discovered several ships docked with family members on board and this had led to a rather impressively large impromptu family reunion with several dozen kwonese spacers gathered up in one space.
She was sitting slouched over the table, the only human in a sea of furry ratfolk, nursing her drink. It was a chocaf that one of the family from another ship had spiked with something s/he said was an intoxicant that she would enjoy. Myrla wasn’t sure if it was intoxicating, but it did add a pleasant richness to the drink and it warmed her in a way chocaf didn’t normally do.
She was reaching the end of her drink and was starting to wonder if she should try to find the kwonese who had spiked her drink to ask for a second round when she realized some of her crewmates nearby were talking about her. She hadn’t been listening, really, her mind just floating along in the comfortable feel of the “group-snuggle” as they called it, so she wasn’t sure what was going on.
After a few seconds of focusing on the conversation, she realized they were bragging about her. That was when one of them turned to her, dragging her into the conversation.
“Yah, see! This Myrla, she top stevedore, better than ya porter drone!” Nellin, one of the crew-family she had little interaction with other than when it was time to hustle cargo, had grabbed her by the sleeve and was tugging her into a small cluster of kwonese sitting around one of the tables. She only recognized one other face as being part of the Greylin crew. Nellin served as the ship’s load-master and chief stevedore, so she assumed the others in the group likely held similar positions on their own ships.
Myrla hoisted her cup in greeting, a lopsided smile on her face. Then she realized she did know another of the faces in the group – the cousin who had spiked her chocaf. Grinning, she pulled her arm free of Nellin’s grip and pointed to him then to her almost empty cup. “I’m going to need some more of that, cousin.”
This set off titters of laughter around the crew as the kwonese in question hauled out a silver flask from his vest pocket. “Powerful stuff, yah!” He made smacking sounds as he fixed her another chocaf from the table’s dispenser. “Makin’ it on the Yeongja, we do. Best you find.”
She drained her first cup and picked up the second. If it was an intoxicant, it was either incredibly weak or it was so smooth that it would hit her like a sledgehammer later. Either way, it was a delightful pairing with the bitterness of the chocaf. She took a sip of the fresh drink, smiling as the warmth seeped into her. The group shuffled around to make a spot for her to sit.
One of the others, a grizzled older kwonese, looked at her one eyebrow raised. “Nellin say you top stevedore. Say you outwork drone. Been load-master on Yeongja ten year and four more now on /San Matteo/. Not seeing that happen yet.”
She looked over Nellin and raised her cup in his direction. “[Samchun ]()[[MM1]](#_msocom_1) has never voiced displeasure with my work. If he wishes to say I work harder than a cargo drone, that is his choice.”
Her comment brought hoots of laughter from around the table. Out-bragging in a family was something of a sport with the kwonese and diplomatically saying they were boasting without calling them a liar was an integral part of the game, even better if you were doing so in support of them.
“Well-saying, [olinee]()[[MM2]](#_msocom_2) .” The grizzled cargo-chief crinkled his snout and raised his glass at her. “But now chincheog making me curious. Never seeing such a thing not being the same as impossible thing.” He paused to scratch his whiskers. “Not working much with your kind, true, so never seeing how much you can do.” Several of the group lightly slapped the tabletop and looked in her direction.
She glanced down at Nellin, seeing his whiskers twitching. His body language was just like it would be if they were playing cards and he were holding a winning hand, waiting on the pool to grow. Long seconds passed before the one she’d mentally dubbed “Mister Flask” leaned in.
“Let’s make it interesting.”
And there it was. Cred-chips started hitting the table and in moments, crew from all the ships were aware of the betting taking place. She sat, sipping her doctored chocaf, as the kwonese around her seemed to turn into a boiling pool of sleek fur and whiskers. Across the table, “Mister Flask” raised his cup to her … and winked.
She grinned back at him, returning the gesture. Now what was that all about?
One of the twins – probably Mikkeulon, from the scent – saw the exchange and leaned close to her. “Oh-ho! You catching Peulla’s eye, then! Good choice, but he wild.”
Myrla sputtered into her cup, but before she could say anything, the twin was gone. Then Nellin leaned in close. “You got this, girlee. Seen you move more easy. Just be going slow and easy and Greylin family got drinks for all station-time, ya.”
Myrla smiled to herself, shaking her head. The cargo-master may have said the Greylin’s crew would have all their drinks covered during their port-time, but given the kwonese need for these family get-togethers, “hajog-poog” they called them, every kwonese on the station would be regular visitors to the Greylin. The betting was just the method they used to pick which ship the party was held on.

It wasn’t long before the entire party had relocated to the docks where San Matteo was set to disgorge its cargo. The grizzled cargo-master, who Myrla now knew to be named Tostiklin, had one of the enormous cargo bays set up for the impromptu competition. She’d sent Orak off to the /Greylin/ to retrieve her backpack, leading to a humorous scene as the young kwonese came running into the docking area dragging the pack that was easily as large as he was. She stripped away the actual pack and her possessions that it held, leaving just the pack-frame. She tasked Orak with perching on the pack itself, to make sure it didn’t get lost in the excitement.
She walked over to the small cluster of cargo-masters and hefted her packframe. “I assume I’m allowed to use a cargo rack, since the drone has one?” She watched as several of them suppressed snickers and Tostiklin wrinkled his snout in amusement.
He waved absently. “Yahyey, of course! Wanting a fair run, we.” He motioned the cargo drone over, which stood almost twice as tall as its crewmates. The crowd settled down to a low murmur as the cargo master addressed the two. “This being the rules. Moving cargo for one minute, as much as you can, ya. No helping from others. No interfering with other stevedore. Move you stack from where it is to indicated position.” He pointed to a pair of chalked squares some thirty feet away from the initial stacks. “Is good?”
The drone’s head rotated from the kwonese to Myrla to the two stacks of cargo containers and back. “I to compete against this gentlebeing? Moving cargo like normal work?”
“Yes, Ledo.”
The drone dipped its head. “Understood but I do not understand why.”
Myrla leaned close to the drone. “They gambling on us. Who can shift more.”
The drone tipped its expressionless face first to one side then to the other while looking at her, a low whir of servos barely audible. Then it looked toward the group of kwonese for a moment. “Oh. Oh. Then … perhaps I should apologize now?”
Myrla grinned. “Apologize for what?”
“I am made to shift significant amounts of cargo. You do not appear to be. I shall apologize now for embarrassing you in front of your shipmates.”
Myrla laughed and patted the drone on its arm. “It’s all in fun, Ledo. I won’t be embarrassed.”
She could detect a faint note of smugness in the mechanical’s speech. “Very well. Then let us proceed.”
“Geebees, are clear on rules?” Myrla and Ledo both indicated their assent. “Then please stand by cargo.”
When they had taken their places, Tostiklin pulled a whistle from his pocket and blew on it. Myrla and Ledo began quickly assembling their loads. Remembering Nellin’s admonition, she carefully restricted her load, adding two containers more to hers than the drone loaded onto itself. It was enough weight to slow her down considerably, but she could still keep up with Ledo without straining.
Together, they dropped their cargo loads inside their assigned squares and Myrla fought the urge to race ahead of the drone, keeping pace with it instead. Twice more the cycle repeated itself, with Myrla carrying just enough extra to stay ahead in the count.
When the whistle blew a second time, the gathered cargo-masters counted the crates in each stack. Tostiklin’s face was a study in surprise as he counted Myrla’s stack again.
He looked at Nellin. “Your stevedore has clearly won. By a mere six crates, but she has won.” The kwonese erupted into cheers and groans, depending on the amount of credits they had won or lost. Tostiklin held up a hand and the crowd quieted down. “But you say she outwork drone. Win by six is much as keep up with drone.”
The crowd inhaled as a whole. /San Matteo/’s cargo chief was treading the fine line of being rude, almost accusing Nellin of lying. The older kwonese narrowed his eyes, looking for at Nellin, then Myrla, then at the crowd. “I like very much to be seeing her truly outwork drone. What is prize money?” One of the younger cargo-masters gave him the figure. “I say offering own creds to match that, double or nothing.”
The crowd went wild, the line of propriety saved. Myrla doubted Nellin had that sort of funds available, based on his change in body language. From behind her, she heard a female kwonese start chanting, “Match! Match!” She and Nellin turned to look, seeing Captain Wanniv shaking her fist in the air. In seconds, all the /Greylin/’s crew was chanting with her.
“Match! Match! Match!”
Nellin looked at her, his nervousness evident, even though things were going exactly like he’d told her they would. She winked at him and gave him a quick nod.
His bearing changed imperceptibly as he turned back to Tostiklin. “Yahyey, chincheog. You be seeing truth.”
Ban Baekui had sidled up beside her, patting her arm. “Time be taking off the governor, ya.”
She nodded absently, her gaze wandering around the room, watching as dozens of groupings indicated the level of betting taking place. “Got your bets made, chief?”
“Already making creds plenty. This to be sheer kwaja!”
She looked down at him, grinning. “The captain plays cards with Nellin, doesn’t she?”
Ban gave her a curious tilt of his head. “Frequently. Why you ask?”
Myrla nodded to herself, looking around again. “She backed him up at the perfect time. This gonna bring some notoriety to the Greylin. And that converts to …” She looked back at the ship’s lead mechanic, grinning broadly.
“Jobs. Bigger and better.” Ban nodded, grinning back. “Not playing cards with you, girlee. Best getting ready, then.”
Ban faded back into the crowd, leaving her with Nellin. “You good with this? Tossi want longer timeframe for this.”
Myrla dropped to one knee, making it so she had to look up slightly at the cargo master. “I need some advice, chief.” Nellin blinked in surprise at the abrupt change in the situation. When he signaled his assent, she continued. “There’s more going on than what I’m seeing. You just used a blood-kin name for him. The captain backed you up publicly under his challenge, so she’s now tied the two of you together, your win is now her win, and your loss her loss. Tostiklin almost called you a liar in front of everyone, but pulled it out by upping the bet.” She scanned the crowd, seeing several non-kwonese beginning to intermingle. “And that is interesting. More geebees are joining the party. And those aren’t spacers.” Her eyes narrowed. “Those are brokers – I recognize two of them.”
Nellin wrung his hands, a faint tang of nervousness coloring his odor. “Is … is complicated.”
“Not from my end, chief. Tostiklin wants to see how hard I can work, because he wants to learn more about my people and is willing to pay for the privilege. And he wants to see me lose to gloat…” She looked at Nellin as he started squirming again. “He doesn’t want me to lose.” She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Who is he related to by blood on the Greylin?”
“He brother to captain’s father…” Myrla’s eyes lit up in sudden understanding. “…and is brother to my mother’s mother.”
Myrla’s jaw dropped slightly as several puzzle pieces clicked into place. “He … he doesn’t want us to fail at all. He’s loaning the captain operating money as well as boosting the ship’s reputation.”
Nellin put his hands out to shush her. “Not be saying this!”
The good side of her mouth pulled up in a smile. “Don’t worry, not a word. Plus, by challenging you like this, you gain even more credibility with the family after I smoke that presumptuous cargo drone at his own game. You gain a reputation for understating how good something is.”
“See … is complicated.”
“Chief, go make your personal bets. This run is about to get interesting.”
The next ten minutes was a flurry of action as bets were made and new spectators arrived from stationside. At one point, Peulla drifted by, pressing another cup of that deliciously spiked chocaf into her hand with a wink. Soon, the cargo masters were huddled up again.
Tostiklin had found a voice amplifier somewhere, letting his voice be heard over the noises of the much-larger crowd. “We be setting round two. Nellin, loadmaster of the Greylin Bostlin, say he crewmate outwork cargo drone. We see earlier this geebee do that.” He indicated Myrla and she waved at the crowd, to delighted cheers from more than just her shipmates. “I say she barely beat cargo drone and I ask for a rematch. I offer double to see she truly outwork drone!” The crowd roared excitedly. “I ask to see geebee outwork drone and just minutes not enough. I ask for one whole hour!”
The crowd erupted into a frenzy and Myrla blinked in confusion. Nobody mentioned hauling cargo for an hour, she thought.
Captain Wanniv had slipped up beside her. “Just another day on the docks, ya?”
Turning to the captain with a smile, she said, “Using my own words against me as inspiration? I’m … well, I don’t guess I’m shocked. And yes, I’m good for it.”
“Is good. All this good.”
Myrla gave the captain a wink. “I love how they brought in some of the local cargo brokers and the Dockworker’s Guild to watch. San Matteo is a respected crew. To see them give the Greylin respect will carry weight later.”
The captain’s eyes crinkled. “I have no idea what you mean.”
Finally, the crowd calmed down again. Siezing the moment, Myrla stepped forward to address the Matteo’s cargo-master. “Samchun, it seems to me that all of our competition is being done handling cargo from the San Matteo. If we are unloading cargo, then am I working for you? And, if I am working, then as a member of the Stevedore and Dockworker’s Guild, I have to be paid or I lose my license. And I cannot bet on myself.”
The crowd fell to a dead silence as Tostiklin’s eyebrows rose slowly, first one then the other.
“FAIR!” Someone in the crowd shouted.
Tostiklin glanced in the direction of the speaker and turned back to Myrla, nodding slowly. “Wisdom speaks.” A grin slowly spread across his face. “I will pay you one hour with a bonus in proportional to how well you outwork the drone.”
Myrla nodded. “I accept these terms and your grace in offering them.” This brought a round of applause from the crowd.
“Again! This being the rules! Moving cargo for one hour, as much as you can, ya. No helping from others. No interfering with other stevedore. Move you stack from where it is to indicated platform.” He pointed to a pair of conveyor platforms some thirty feet away from the initial stacks. “Is good?”
Both workers gave their assent.
“Geebees, to your starting places!” Again, a blast from the whistle signaled the start of the competition. Both fell to their task and worked steadily, but Myrla thought it looked as though the drone knew it had already been beaten. For every stack of crates it moved, she moved twice as many. When it tried to match her volume, its speed dropped off significantly to the sound of overloaded drive motors.
They were well and thoroughly inside the cargo bay of the /San Matteo/ and the crowd was only able to keep up by watching on a series of holoscreens that had been set up for the purpose. True to Bae’s request, she “pulled the governors off,” falling into her work-trance, letting the crates guide her flow. The conveyor platforms advanced with them, never more than thirty feet away, making the job a bit less arduous. The cargo-master group was inside with them, as well, and Myrla shut them out by treating them like she did any other client who hung out to watch her work.
She was so deep into her work that the whistle caught her by surprise and Nellin had to physically intervene to get her attention.
“Is good, girlee. We done it. YOU done it.”
Myrla walked out of the cargo hold, blinking and shaking her head, trying to get refocused on where she was. Then she realized the entire hajog was chanting her name. Bae and Wanniv were waiting on her at the bay-door. Bae handed her a bottle of water and Wanniv grabbed Myrla’s free hand in both of hers. “You best lucky charm!” As the crowd caught sight of her, the chant broke into a wordless cheer that threatened to overwhelm her.
Finally, the cargo-masters made their counts and conferred together with a lot of nodding and one shaking their head incredulously. Tostiklin motioned her and the cargo drone forward to join them.
“Thinking it clear who wins.” He broke off with a grin as the crowd erupted into cheers again. He tried to continue twice before the cheering died down enough to let him be heard. “Seeing you never slowed down, girlee. Thinking maybe you having another gear or two.”
Smiling, Myrla shrugged as the crowd went wild again.
“And!” He held up a pouch for everyone to see. “And, here is your payment. One hour’s wage for a class five stevedore. And since you performed double what the drone performed, your wages are doubled.”
Again, the crowd roared and she fought to keep the surprise off her face. She was a class one stevedore and class five rates were significantly higher than she was used to getting. As she accepted the pouch from him, she leaned in to be heard above the crowd. “You are a wise and honorable gentlebeing, Samchun. May your words echo among many gajog.”
That got her an extra cheer from the cargo-chiefs and a pat on the cheek from a grinning Tostiklin. “You taking good-good care of the Greylin crew, then. So, let’s be drinking to this!”