heres a list of everything ive watched already
ik its a long list, but please skim through it before reccomending a show :))
cause i always end up getting alot of comments reccomending shows to me that ive already seen
and please keep it to just shows so no movies :)) preferably 24 ep or shorter, but i dont mind longer shows as long as theyre good
also would prefer shows that are dubbed (ik, lame. but my TV is broken n its hard to read subtitles on my phone)
i enjoy both wholesome shows as well as gut wrenchingly depressing shows that will leave me feeling empty afterwards
most the shows on this list are ones i enjoyed watching, but there are sum that i didnt really like. i didnt rate them tho so 🤷‍♂️
n ofc if anyone here is interested in a show on my list that they havent seen before n wants to know my opinion on it n if id reccomend it to you, feel free to ask :))

1. Attack on Titan
2. Yugioh
3. Tokyo Ghoul
4. Elfen Lied
5. Eureka 7
6. Wolfs Rain
7. Soul Eater
8. Soul Eater NOT
9. Gurren Lagann
10. Mob Psycho 100
11. Squid Girl
12. Death Note
13. Black Butler
14. One Piece
15. Naruto
16. Pokemon
17. Demon Slayer
18. Scryed
19. Blue Exorcist
20. Parasyte: The Maxim
21. Hetalia
22. Junjou Romantica
23. Maiden Rose
24. (forbidden anime)
25. Devilman Crybaby
26. The Great Pretender
27. Fooly Cooly
28. Beastars
29. Brand New Animal
30. Toradora
31. Durarara
32. Cowboy Bebop
33. Sword Art Online
34. Immortal Grand Prix
35. Ghost Stories
36. Another
37. Space Dandy
38. Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
39. A Lull In The Sea
40. Food Wars
41. AJIN: Demi Human
42. Neon Genesis Evangelion
43. Anohana
44. Corpse Party
45. When They Cry
46. Violet Evergarden
47. Your Lie In April
48. Yuri On Ice
49. Free!
50. Megalobox
51. Pop Team Epic
52. March Comes In Like A Lion
53. The Way Of The House-Husband
54. Japan Sinks: 2020
55. Mondaiji-tachi ga Isekai kara Kuru Sou Desu yo?
56. Terror In Resonance
57. Scissor Seven
58. One Punch Man
59. Persona 5
60. Wonder Egg Priority
61. Paranoia Agent
62. Sailor Moon
63. Stars Align
64. Mononoke
65. Erased
66. SK8 The Infinity
67. Mushi Shi
68. Death Parade
69. Tokyo Revengers
70. Given
71. Angels Of Death
72. Serial Experiments Lain
73. Ghost Hunt
74. Banana Fish
75. B: The Beginning
76. 91 Days
77. Made In Abyss
78. Orange
79. Plastic Memories
80. Psycho Pass
81. Bungo Stray Dogs
82. Jujutsu Kaisen
83. Hikari: Be My Light
84. To Your Eternity
85. The Promised Neverland
86. Sarazanmai
87. Deadman Wonderland
88. Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun
89. Arcane
90. Hyouka
91. Pillow Boys
92. Akudama Drive
93. Gleipnir
94. Link Click
95. True Tears
96. Hamatora
97. Darling In The Franxx
98. Boogiepob Phantom
99. Boogiepop And Friends
100. Rascal Does Not Dream Of Bunny Girl Senpai
101. Fruits Basket
102. No. 6
103. Shelter
104. Kids On The Slope
105. Ranking Of Kings
106. Vivy: Fluorite Eye's Song
107. Blood Blockade Battlefront
108. Sonny Boy
109. Blue Period
110. The Orbital Children
111. Kiznaiver
112. Noragami
113. Darwin's Game
114. Odd Taxi
115. Steins;gate
116. Dororo
117. My Love Story!!
118. Kotaro Lives Alone
119. Darker Than Black
120. re:ZERO
121. Btooom!
122. Komi Can't Communicate
123. Princess Tutu
124. HoriMiya
125. NANA
126. My Hero Academia
127. A Place Further Than The Universe
128. Blue Spring Ride
129. Carole & Tuesday
130. Dorohedoro
131. Ikebukuro West Gate Park
132. Dance Dance Danseur
133. Cyberpunk: Edgerunners
134. Code Geass
135. High-Rise Invasion
136. Kakegurui
137. Monster
138. WataMote
139. Angel Beats
140. Welcome To The NHK
141. Kiss Him, Not Me
142. Bakuman
143. Inuyashiki
144. Domestic Girlfriend
145. Michiko And Hatchin
146. K-On
147. Gangsta
148. Charlotte
149. Clannad
150. Clannad After story
151. Beck
152. Summer Time Rendering
153. Assassination Classroom
154. Tomodachi Game
155. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
156. Spy × Family
157. My Dress-Up Darling
158. Tokyo Magnitude 8.0
159. Chainsaw Man
160. Baccano
161. K-Project
162. Eden Of The East
163. Samurai Champloo
164. Akame Ga Kill
165. His And Her Circumstances
166. My Little Monster
167. Dr. Stone
168. Vinland Saga
169. 86
170. Buddy Daddies
171. Haikyuu!!
172. Hunter × Hunter
173. Deca-Dence
174. Shiki
175. School-Live
176. Ghost Hound
177. Kemono Jihen
178. Mieruko-chan
179. Takt Op. Destiny
180. Haibane Renmei
181. Rumbling Hearts
182. Barakamon
183. Now And Then, Here And There
184. Shadow's House
185. Heavenly Delusion
186. Oshi No Ko
187. Insomniacs After School
188. Aggretsuko
189. Sanrio Boys
190. Gloomy
191. Ouran Highschool Host Club
192. Say "I Love You"
193. Princess Jellyfish
194. Hell's Paradise
195. Migi & Dali
196. The Dangers In My Heart
197. Somali And The Forest Spirit
198. Hybrid Child
199. Zom 100
200. Pluto
201. My Home Hero
202. Mushoku Tensei
203. Lycoris Recoil
204. A Galaxy Next-Door
205. Solo Leveling
206. The Apothecary Diaries

Husband and I are 29 years old. Together for 15 years married for 4.
We have 3 kids, 8, 5, and 1.This is mostly regarding our oldest, who is 8.
So he’s not the best with teachers and likes to belittle them I think. Like our son brought his iPod to school (my old iPhone without service) and the teacher took it and had us pick it up and he told the teacher “dont take his phone, it’s not yours to take. Ask him to put it away and if it’s really an issue you can call me or his mother and we’ll deal with it but don’t take my things from my son” and then they argued a bit and finally she agreed if it happened again she’ll call his parents.
Then recently he got in trouble in class for disrupting the class (he threw a paper ball at another kid and then got a detention) and we weren’t informed. So when my husband and I went to pick him up the teacher said we had to wait 20 minutes because he’s in detention and he said “uh, yeah no I’m just gonna pick him up now” and she said “you’re more than welcome to after his detention” and he said “who do you think you are telling me when and were I pick up my son?” And i apologized on his behalf and told him to knock it off and he said “no, do I tell you what to teach? No. So how about you be the teacher and I’ll be the parent. You can teach him math and English and I’ll discipline him.” And she said it’s school policy and he was in there with another kid so husband just walked into the classroom and said “hey buddy, let’s go” and son said “I can’t” and he said “you’re going to serve your detention at home” and we left and the teacher just smiled and was clearly pissed.
To be completely fair, he was in trouble at home. Husband told him he needs to show his teacher respect and we took away his iPod and Xbox for the evening, and then we had him apologize to her the next morning.
On top of that, he doesn’t set a great example. He acts like a kid. I thought it was cute and funny when we were like 15 but now it’s worrisome because our kids are watching.
We were back to school shopping at the Nike store and there was a football and he looked at our son and said “hey buddy watch this” and threw it at a manican and the store worker said he had to go and he said “haha…yeah no I’m gonna stay” and I was so angry and embarrassed I just left and apologized to the worker.
Another time we were at lunch and there was a guy across the restaurant wearing a rather interesting outfit and he looked at our son and pointed to the guy and said “look at that dumbass over there. I bet he ordered a blt or some gay ass shit like that” annd they both laughed and I said “seriously??” And he shrugged and said “he probably did” and when we got home I told him how completely inappropriate that was.
And then on Saturday morning our son was playing madden on his Xbox with someone online (a random match) and he was losing so husband took over and started winning and the guy threw an interception so husband said on the mic “nice throw, f_ggot” and then won the game and called the guy a loser.
Normally I wouldn’t care, because that’s kinda what you need to expect when playing a game online, but saying those things in front of our son really upset me and I told him again in private I’m NOT ok with that.
I’m glad our son looks up to dad that much, and aside from being a little immature he’s an amazing dad and husband, but this kind of stuff really upsets me.

I’m an intermediate drummer close to advanced, I started 5 years ago. I got into a band with advanced musicians 6 months after I started. The songs were very easy but I was maxed out. I had to learn really quickly. Didn’t have time to learn any techniques but the songs I was requested of playing. We had 2 gig until pandemic and one recently. Now, they want to focus on originals. I still want to play covers so my bassist and I played with another band for the first time yesterday to see if we can find a cover band as well. I had the hardest time not speeding up. Every song someone would say: we sped up and gave me a side eye. lol It felt like pulling on the reigns of horses. We sped up then I’d slow down then sped up. I put the metronome in my ear. I was off right away and I had this random click in my in ear while playing it was awful. I was in and out of tempo. I was told a few times that I sped up with my first band but never like this. Any tips on how to practice a specific song with a metronome. Do you sing the song in your head while the metronome is going? How do you do it??

Just for a quick backstory I (23F) have been interested in my best friend's uncle (27M) since I was 12. I met her uncle when I was 12. He's your average athletic guy. Fit, funny, good looking. We bonded over music. He told me stories of his past. He'd even help me study french when I needed help on my homework One night I went to my best friend's house. Unaware that she wasn't at home, but he was there. So we began to talk eventually I confessed my feelings for him. He was shocked. But then my best friend came So we exchanged instagrams. Decided to continue our conversation afterwards. Later that night he texted me asking so many questions on when did I have a crush on him, why I had a crush on him. I told him everything and eventually he confessed that he too felt the same way but it was wrong due to a bunch of complications. We'd still continue to talk but within two weeks of texting back and forth, we decided to make it official Although we agreed to keep it a secret. It felt so right he is special it killed having to pretending to either be single or date another guy. After he and I were together for 7 months I asked him if we could get a more physically involved he told me no since i was too young by this time i was already 13.
I felt I had made to relationship a bit awkward so i distanced myself a bit and would only speak to me bsf and try to ignore him. I remember so clearly how upset he was he'd nonstop text or call and when I'd go over he'd try and talk my bsf eventually noticed and told me to be careful her mom walked in and overheard our conversation telling me the same thing. Later on her mom asked her to help her with something so I sat on rocking chair sofa and i see the door open and he walks in I greeted him and he just walked past i couldn't say i was surprised after all I was avoiding him first but he stopped at the doorway of the kitchen walked back and i a low tone he was scolding me so a talked back and we had our first argument I knew i was in the wrong so in mid sentence i put my arms around his neck and kissed him he put his arms around waist and pull away from the kiss to tell me how much he missed me and he had a surprise since he knew i was coming we then heard my bsf and her mom coming so he went back outside and sat back down and acted like nothing had happened.
2 months after I turned 15 we almost got caught doing it on her sister's bed Which he was where he was sleeping at the time I felt happy. Our relationship lasted for 4 years. One day in the morning when I woke I saw a message from him, I felt nauseous. He said he was sorry, but he had to leave, so he broke up with me over text, he said he really wished He could've stayed but It didn't feel right. He didn't want to hide who he was with. He said that being with me would only hurt both of us, I was so depressed, I'd constantly cry couldn't get over it And I couldn't tell my best friend.
(So now where i really need help) I recently went to my bestfriend's new house. I was invited to her mother's birthday party. And as a surprise, her uncle came, and we saw each other again. We catched up a bit and just talked from time to time. My best friend would look at us. Make faces, so I tried my best to avoid him after a while. When I'd look at him, he was talking to a girl I did not recognize I assumed that was his plus 1 or something, so I ended up drinking. Eventually I was drunk to a point that I couldn't walk my best friend's mom told the uncle (her cousin) to take me to her room So I could rest a bit. My best friend came along with us. I could hear them discussing about how she suspected that I had a crush on him or if there is something going on to quit it, he kept denying everything so she warned him that she would be keeping an eye on him. Her mom called her so she had to go, When she left the room, I stood up, but he told me to lay down and rest. And I started crying. He comforted me and I told them I was upset, and he explained that the girl who he was talking to was his sister.
I felt like an idiot. He then told me that it was cute how i was jealous in the heat of the moment we kissed and did it again. He then proceeded to tell me how much he missed me. how he never forgot me and that I'm still very special to him.He asked to be in a relationship again but I don't know? I feel guilty. Having to hide it from my bestfriend . I'm scared of what she'll do or say when she finds out What do I do? I have no idea?So what I wanna know is AITA for not telling my bestfriend about her uncle and I?.

Edit: If you are going to comment on the length of this post, please don't. This is not a simple snark but rather an actual critical think piece about feminism and Taylor Swift.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

Over this past year I started to become a fan of Lany, even though it was a little cheesy for me, at the beginning of the year. I became a big fan eventually and went to see them in Boston recently. I have a few questions (I pretty much know all the answers already fyi), so feel free to answer. Have a good day and thanks!!!!😊
1-Paul exclaimed right from the start of the concert “THIS WILL BE THE BEST NIGHT OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!!”
Does he always say this? It most definitely wasn’t the best night of my life by the way, but I did have fun. I am guessing most of the huge fans are like obsessed with this guy so he has a huge ego? I noticed all the 🌹 🥀 roses thrown that seems like is a thing and he loved it.
2-During two songs he put on some over ear headphones. He was wearing in-ear monitors the entire set, so why would he need these new headphones? Why only for two songs? Fashion?
3-he said the drummer was the best drummer on the planet. I’m assuming no one actually believes that right?
4-I listened to his most recent episode of his “jellyfish” podcast and he seems very dumb, ego driven, and wants attention. He is very envious of people getting “Papparazzied”, as PK says.
5-He disses Matty Healy, but also praises him constantly. He seems a little jealous and acts like he doesn’t really know much about the 1975. I don’t know PK….seems a little fishy. I have been a fan of the band the 1975 for many years now and Lany has always reminded me of a rip off of them in certain aspects. Posers.
6-why is someone who’s in their mid-late 30s using words like DRIP and Fire, playing on his phone and running into his light fixtures at his home in California? Mentioning California…he says California and spots within the state a lot of he is definitely rivaling RHCP by now.
I love most the music and they sounded great, but just wanted to see if anyone else gets that “I’m a total tool” vibe. And not the band. They are good.
💜😘💜😘😘💜😘😔😘☠️☠️☠️😂😘

I'm aware of the miscommunications and shenanigans you're experiencing on here while trying to keep up with me. Yes, I see that you're putting out your own feelers hoping to make a connection with me. Yes, I'm aware of how often you encounter my imposter instead of me.
No, I'm not doing anything about it. I've been uncommunicative for days on here but have noticed you repeatedly attempt to carry on public conversations with strangers' you pretend are me. You are fully aware of who actually is me on here. I am right here.
You're aware of how to get ahold of me outside of this place. You should also be fully aware of what kind of person I am to discern my style of writing and character versus a total stranger just trying to be disrespectful and inflammatory. I don't make demands on reddit. I don't ask to meet or try to fight anyone's ex for their approval. I don't bash women. I am self-contained and social when I choose to be.
You're also fully able to utilize dms and communicate with me through this profile directly to clear up any imposter profile problems. You're able to ask me things privately using any of the external links I've added to my handle. The avenues to reach me are all open to you. But instead, you choose to put on a song and dance, parasocially talking 'at' me in the community and allowing implications to tie us together. If you want to actually communicate with ME privately, I'm here. If you're only looking to link your handle with mine or feed some antiquated drama machine at my expense, look elsewhere.
I will block any vague letter-reply responses to this as it directly violates what I'm insisting you use: direct communication. If you feel comfortable enough to attack me based on what strangers' write, you're comfortable enough to talk to me directly. So now because of your past misdeeds, I will insist on direct communication so you can't hide behind strangers' and ambiguity. I am right here. What do you have to say?
You either want to talk to me and are upset because you think you are but are being messed with, or you're trying to use me to publicly punch down on someone.
Since I'm not here to feed your exhibitionism and I didn't sign up to be someone's bitch, you're going to have to put in the work. If you absolutely need to talk to me in front a community of others but can't muster up a single word in private, you'll be laughed out of my spaces like the joke you insist on being.
Ps. I threw the pocket watch in the trash.

I (41M) matched with her (28F) a couple of weeks ago and hit it off, she was the first to offer her phone number so we could chat outside the app. We chatted constantly with great banter and vested interest. Set up a date for last weekend (Sunday). She lives 2 hrs away but I was overdue for a road trip and was glad to find an excuse to get out of town. I suggested we go somewhere pretty and have a picnic (we're in the PNW so there's plenty of that) and settled on a beautiful park. I offered to pick her up but after a conversation she said she felt better if we just arrived in separate cars because she wanted the option of an "exit strategy" in case the "vibe wasn't there". I respected her boundaries and complied, it was our first meeting and I am completely flexible and respectful. I was raised a gentleman (Hispanic background) and I think chivalry is not dead. Not trying to virtue signal, just think being a decent person should be the norm and traditional values are not seen much these days. The day before, I went all over town getting goodies (charc, cheese, wine, fruit, wine, et al) to cover everything she'd told me she liked so we could have lots of options. I got to the park and we instantly hit it off, found a nice bench and had a lot of fun getting to know each other with good conversation, food, wine, laughter and eventually making out, which was wonderful. I told her I really liked our day and was willing to set time for her to keep hanging out, and that if she was down I would be back next weekend and get an Airbnb. I didn't just want to assume I could invite myself over to her house without her specifically being open to it and asking me so she wouldn't feel pressured. She was completely on board and I drove back home feeling really happy and excited. She wrote me back saying "so next week, we have some things to discuss. Really just one thing, but if we are going to continue spending time together it's important information. You should know that I have HSV. And I know that would give me pause, so I understand if that's a dealbreaker for you." I told her that it's not, and that I trusted she had a handle on it, and thanked her for being transparent . To which she said she definitely did have a handle on it. She sends me a picture of her and her mom when she was a baby so I could see how much she looks like her, it was her mom breastfeeding her "which is probably an overshare" to which I said not to worry and thank you for sharing that with me. I shared a picture of my mom so she could see the resemblance as well in return. Monday rolls around and she sends me a little video of her at work looking cute, had a little bit of texting back and forth and the rest of the day no further contact. She usually would text me after work when she'd free up and we talked till we called it a day, which was happening for at least a week before we even met in person. I sent her a trailer for a series we talked about, telling her to watch season 1 and I'd save season 2 to watch it together. No reply. This morning still no communication. I figured she was busy so I went ahead and booked the Airbnb for this weekend. Not 10 minutes go by after that that she texts me saying "I'm not sure we should hang out this week" I replied with "Really? ooof just booked the Airbnb, What's up? Sorry, I should've asked you" To which she replied "I'm just feeling sick, and frankly, I'm not sure if the attraction's mutual" To which I said "Oh wow. Didn't seem that way on Sunday. What changed? Just trying to understand." She wrote me back saying "Just a little reflection. I like your attention but the it would be disingenuous." Those words. Confusing. I answered "The it?" And she says "Sorry, brain fog. I am quite sick." I told her "Hmm ok. Hope you feel better. I'd be grateful if you could clear it up when you're up for it." I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because I really did feel good chemistry when we spent the day together, but part of me is saying that I'm simping and to let it go. I'm losing my trust in women and I feel very sad about it. I'd already erased the dating apps as soon as I got home that day because I thought I found someone worth investing my time with. We really did hit it off when we met, talked about making plans together and I really felt this was heading somewhere positive.
Dating sucks and as much as I really am making an effort nothing seems to stick. A similar situation happened about a month ago with another lady who at first seemed very invested and then just lost interest. By no means trying to put myself as a victim here and if anything writing it down helped me process so if you read so far thank you and if it relates to anything you've been through just want to say you're not alone.
TL;DR thought I really hit it off with a lady that gave me all the signs it was mutual down to making plans together and she pulled a 180º.

Should I be worried that my GF (19f) is going to leave me (18m)?
This is a really long story so please bare with me.
Ok so first of all, you're all going to see that I'm not innocent in this but I just couldn't help myself as you'll see.
So for context, my gf and I have been dating for 3 months now at long-distance. I've visited her every 2 weeks since we met and I feel we really do like/love eachother.
However, there has been some road bombs since we started dating but this story only concerns one of them.
And it's important to note that my GF has had a few "crushes" and 1 or 2 short "relationships" in highschool before me. One of those includes a crush on a guy who we'll call Frank. This was at most just the 2 of them having a deep interest in eachother and they both knew. All of this being around 2 years ago.
In early April, my GF's older cousin got an invitation from one of her friends, who we'll call Oliver, to go to his Birthday Party. And he told my GF's cousin to invite all of her cousins if she wanted to. Including my GF.
And lord and behold, guess who was also going to the party? Frank.
And when Frank got word that my GF was going, my GF, who at the time told me all of this btw, said that Frank let out a joyful "yes" in response to her going.
Now, I obviously HATED hearing this, but I appreciated the fact that my GF told me when she didn't have to if she didn't want to.
So a week goes by and the party is coming up...
Everything is going well between us until...the night of the party. On the day of the party, we were both good as usual. We talked, called, she went to work just before the party and she sent me cute pics of her and all that stuff until after her shift.
After she finished work, she was immediately taking the bus to the party and that's when things went south. We called whilst she was on the bus and she suddenly became so cold to me. I can't explain it but she just became cold and her tone sounded mad at me. I kept trying to talk to her until she cut the call and texted me: "we're done".
I called her back and texted but she was still cold. I to talked her about all the things we've said and done and what they meant to her and she basically said "I don't care". I was depressed but after trying too much, I stopped texting.
2 hours later, at around 1am, I get a text from her calling my name:
"Toby?"
I answer:
"Yes?"
To which she replies "I'm sorry". It kept going a bit like that until she started telling me about why she ended it. And the first reason was because we were so far apart. And I'm like, ok sure, I understand that, but why not talk to me about it rather than making me feel so shit about myself?
That kept going for a bit and a few other things happened but aren't important. Let's skip to when she arrived back home.
As she was back home, in her bed, we continued texting. And this is when she told me the second reason as to why she ended it. Which was the fact that, a week earlier, I brought up how she's going to uni soon and that I was concerned about her meeting new people there and potentially leaving me. And I guess this kinda backfired because it apparently put doubts in her head about whether or not I'd leave her. So essentially, she ended it before I could, so she wouldn't have to endure that pain.
So we talked we talked we talked, and in the end, about 4 hours of reassuring her later, we got back together.
So the next day, we started talking about the party. And that's when she opened up about something. So apparently, Frank, had approached her during the end of the party when she wanted to go home and started talking to her about how he left his old gf and blah blah blah, obviously trying to show an opening but my gf didn't show any interest, allegedly. I didn't think much of this, even though once again, I HATED it.
Now let's skip to today.
So this is where I also become an AH in this. A week ago, when I was visiting her, she logged into her Instagram on my phone because her phone died. And when I left, she didn't log out.
So curiousity got the best of me. I snooped around in her DMS. First of all, there are absolutely zero guys in her DMS. Cool. But the main reason I was snooping was actually precisely because I wanted to see what she was gossiping to her close friends about, especially on the night of the party.
And as I scroll, I see something.
In one of her DMS with her friend, she talked about the moment Frank got word that she was going to the party.
And to cut it simple, she talked about how he was excited she was coming and all that until I see:
"I feel bad"
Her friend replies:
"About what?"
To which my gf replies:
"About thinking for a second about leaving Toby for Frank".
When I read this, my heart, dropped.
The next messages were her friend saying I'm better, my gf agreeing and all that stuff.
But then my gf says "put me back on the right path please". Like what?
She then went on to say that she knew Frank wasn't worth it regardless of what she felt and that she was just flattered in that situation. "As all girls are".
Needless to say, regardless of the fact that they said I was better, that hurt me like a mf.
And then in another DM with another friend, they talked about the moment Frank approached her at the party. And essentially, they said what I said earlier but in no way did my GF say anything like "No I'm not interested" or "I have a BF". In fact, she was talking about how bad his flirting skills were with her.
I feel so down rn after having seen all of that.
But it's worth noting that my GF expressed many times before that she doesn't support cheating in any way. She HAS good values (doesn't like exposing herself, partying often all that stuff) and she is a good person overall. And she has expressed recently as well, to her friends via DMS, about how much I make her happy and that I have no red flags or whatever. And that she loves me a lot.
So I just don't know what to think or do.

I decided to do it in a summery short version because I don’t want to feel like a tease or keeping you guys waiting I won’t drop names or specific location mostly things that has to do with the recovery and time on mdma pills
How I obtained the bags : me and my friend found a good trustworthy source and decided to buy bulk while the legit pills where around they where a variety of different shapes some basic like angry birds , 1up mushrooms,teslas until the second bag we where planning on both using and selling only during festival season or for summer more party like seasons which we would take a certain amount with us that event to sell
While we did test the top of the bags which was cleared for mdma I won’t lie and say we tested the whole batches but can vouch every pill had the same effect idk
The good : while my time on mdma i had social experiences I never would of had otherwise it helped me understand a lot about my depression and anxiety along with social anxiety in big crowds. Another thing was connecting with people in a deeper level really understanding the full spectrum of deep emotion found alot of new and odd music that I still listen to that I am grateful for completely took away doubt in terms of trying new things or going new places with out those little shapes I don’t think I would’ve had a glimpse of normal life without depression and anxiety.
It sure in hell helped me creatively not that I wasn’t without it because as a hobby I love designing and concepting things such as films ,books , animation even found that I’m pretty decent at rock music well back up vocals but that’s the beauty ig finding some sort of new talent
Where I messed up at is falling I love with the therapeutic aspect of it because I would take it a lot solo and dig with in my self to completely understand every aspect as well as other aspects of people psyche it was so refreshing to connect in this way… non the less good things can’t last for ever.
Lol as for pleasure ehhh I mean yes can be horny but not as it seems in media also for my males out there dude be ready for e dick 🤣 aka the shrivels
What it really helped me with is coming to terms with wounds from exs that never fully healed or suppressed especially with a girl which was my first long term relationship 5 yes
Helped me plan/focus on a way I wanted to be and self improvement I won’t say this for everyone though depends on how you use mdma
Helped alot with ptsd letting shit go and setting rules/boundaries
Had some killer work out sessions and improve my combat sports technique along with performance also actually listening taking in the coaching
The bad
The sweet release and momentum you get from them leads you to taking them everyday for me ig to be more consistent in mental mood (even though this would have the reverse opposite coming off the first year bad )
I found my self building a tolerance leading to dosing 3 times a day or taking a couple half’s max no I’m not a mad man I think I would be dead hell I’m not sure how I’m not dead with the abuse lol but sure I’m hell ain’t the same
I won’t say all the connection but a quarter of them where fake ig or not intense for the person once completely sober it can lead to of alot of truthful moments maybe not ready to be touched on or maybe the person/oneself can’t handle. Can say Boths builds or destroy relationships/friendships
The brain fog on brakes are shit depending on how active your day is can be tolerable what sucks it’s the frequent space outs and irritability
Idk if other hard users have or do experience this but frequent sleep paralysis no audio or visual hallucinations though
Please please I stress stay hydrated with water or the frequent urination will persist took me months after for it to get better still piss like a racing horse more then usual
Ehhhh depending on diet and fitness I found my self bouncing between 150 to 205 male in his 20s it will knock your hunger sometimes not eating half of the day
Some days finding myself wasting the day away hyper focusing on few things and not finishing them getting distracted
Another part where I messed up at was dosing in the morning I feel my not giving my body time to naturally register and then simply rolling to frequent
Leading up to the ugly I did take a month break but one night the night of clarity was when I started back up took 4 in a day idk how I didn’t od but definitely got serotonin syndrome which was hell lasted a couple days well the side effects
The ugly aka after
Dude the first year was hell I won’t lie mostly mental can’t say I suffered to many physical effects besides easier for body temperature to rise and memory
The first year was almost unbearable I’m a way it feels like a chemical lobotomy no emotions just the most intense extreme sadness sometimes not leaving my room
Weaker vision like in terms I can’t focus on things long like I use to before blurring or higher sensitivity to light/sun
Restless leg syndrome for a couple months and a cloud of anxious feelings Ovr your head like say when you’re in highschool and you get called out after school to fight the next day at lunch
Times of just spacing out staring straight forward
Chills and inconsistent body temperature
Robotic emotional responses noooo not even my favorite songs triggered anything it was just like blabbering in the background while I spaced out
Bad short term memory lost this has gotten better now on year two but memory issues still persist like if I want to remember a fun memory I have to really sit and think also not very vivid as it use to be to described in a story
No interest in simple human interaction such as a short convo improved after half a year clean
alot of light headedness through out day to day task with shortness of breath and heart palpitations but these all have dissipated thank god
It was weird for half a week one pupil was dilated
Frequent urination although has gotten way better i still have to piss more then I use to
This is a shitpost summery I will make a cleaner more detailed description of each part separately but feel free to ask questions below I just didn’t want to keep you guys waiting I’m pretty sure I’m missing some stuff but hey I’ll get it in the full individual post.

I hated this album the first time I listened to it. I didn't like the production choices, thought the lyrics were corny, felt it was a large drop off from their old stuff. Didn't feel nearly has heartfelt, genuine, or authentic.
I initially shut it off, felt disappointed, moved on with my life. I then read the interviews Ela did where she went more in depth about the album and explained each track. This flipped a switch for me and everything started to come together.
In one interview, she says that this album is meant to "titrate the trauma". To titrate something is to neutralize it and equalize the molar ratio. I don't think this album was meant to be a gut-wrenching, emotional mural that paints out trauma in crazy poetic lyrics and stops you in your tracks every time you hear a song. It was supposed to be light, digestible. It's supposed to dance with trauma in a more upbeat way, a more neutral approach that isn't so depressingly captivating. If you go into this album expecting their old stuff, you're going to be disappointed. I was too. But the intention of this was not to mirror their old stuff. It was to neutralize the trauma, make it easier to express and not paralyze you in a trance every time you listen. I think for all intents and purposes, this is a great album.
That being said, if you don't like it, you absolutely do not have to do the mental gymnastics to like it. It's okay to not like it. But if you want to understand what it is, what Ela was trying to do, what the vision is, it's merely a titration, an equalizing approach to the forces that shattered our lives these past 6 years. Let it dance on your tongue!

Hey people,
sorry for the dramatic title but it is just the truth. This will be a little bit personal and maybe get longer then I want, but I have the little hope that sharing it in detail will help me find the right answers.
I produce music since 6 years now. I live music since 6 years. On good days music made me finally want to live life and have a passion. On bad days I would say I inject myself with music since 6 years. And I don't build up a tolerance as you can make a new drug (different beat, style) every day. This results in like 150 almost finished tracks, because it's more fun to mix a new drug then consume the rest of the day before.

This situation on itself is hard on me already as it hurts really bad that I don't have all those tracks ready to go (even if its just on my soundcloud). The bigger mindfuck is another thing tho. Every single one of those tracks gets high praise by my friends and random encounters at afterhours or similar events. I am not obnoxiously pushing my music in those situations, but when people come to after at my place and see all my equipment they're curious. And all the music I made is made for this moment to be honest. Empy mind sinking in the couch after a rave, just flying with the music. I've literally showed some randoms some tracks and they hugged me afterwards and thanked me for that experience.
And that is why it is a problem for me to ask for feedback and stuff in a sober, normal situation. You can't feel that music like its supposed to when you listen to it on 6 pm just coming from work and being all aware^{^} You know what I mean? But I can't ask everyone to please give me feedback after listening to it after a rave. But on the other hand I can't really accept feedback if the person didn't hear it in the right setting...

So why do I write this post? I dj'd quite a few times before. Always small birthday partys or really small outdoors. Now this friday a friend of mine is celebrating his birthday and booked a real venue, with real club speakers and estimates a 150-200 people. He know my music, he ( like almost all of my friends) praises my music and wants me to do whatever I want from 4:30-6:00 am. Now I am sitting here, with my tracks that are shoddily mastered (you instantly see it in rekordbox), have weird low end sometimes and are just a wild mix of techno. How do I proceed? I am expected to play many tracks of myself, and I played on rather big speakers before. The sound is not horrible but it is not quite stellar too. But even when I played the most muddy stuff nobody stopped dancing and every set I've played yet was praised by the dancers (and not only my friends). Do I just "master" them even more, so they're atleast loud and I don't have to abuse the eq and trim and just yolo? Do I just play the few tracks I am sure will sound really good mixing wise? It's is so hard for me to accept mixing feedback, as when I wake up from the trance after making a track, it is this eternal thing that made it and I am not eliglible to interfer with that.. damn, am I just crazy?

On one hand I think all my tracks are really, really good for the right context. I payed multiple semi-professionals to listen to them and they all said it's good work and ready for the world. On the other hand I think they're metaphorical drugs, and only good if you're up for taking drugs (like in the after). Not everyone at this party will be up for a deep dream. Not every track is 1A standard which scares me. Having this huge, huge library of tracks where in one second I think they're all masterpieces ( which gets fed by the great feedback I get all the time.. but theyre just being nice ;-)....) and in the next second criticize them so hard at the same time fucks me up. Maybe someone is willing to listen to 4 tracks of mine which show the whole spectrum and how different is? The kicks punch so differently because the songs differ so much, it's not like just 100 hard tech tracks or anything... even if they're the same loudness, can I even play those tracks in one set ?? I already did and it worked but it's a conspiracy haha x.x

Can anybody help? Not just about the party, but the whole problem. How can I get out of this? My tracks from a few years ago are haunting me because they're so full of emotion but not finished and ready to play. Everything haunts me expect a new beat lol. Sorry for the probably very confusing and chaotic text, but it is a good reflection of my mind :7 Thanks to everyone who reads through that. I read it 3 times now and always want to change things just making it worse, like when I try to go back into a old track lol.

My car's transmission is on the fritz, so it's in the shop and I'm working from home for at least today. Thank goodness I can even work from home, or things would be a lot more complicated. Anyways, that's just a bit of a vent. I've also decided that I might do little lore-esque prechapter bits for some extra flavor. Hope you guys enjoy them! I find them to be fun little thought experiments on how people might perceive the world I've created from within vs from my own perspective. Enjoy some crafting and some romance!
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We know that the spots that are caused by looking at a source of light are, in fact, damage of some sort to the eye. This is confirmed by the spots rapidly disappearing should someone be healed whilst experiencing them. But why? Is there a divinity within light, beyond what our mortal eyes can withstand? Is there some sort of invisible emanation that comes alongside the light that damages us in some way? The discovery of light damaging the eye has opened more questions for me than it has closed.
-Musings on the Relations of Light and Fire, by Jarwic Leftun
\***
Xander carefully opened the door, finding Gabrelle already asleep, and sat down on a chair. Maybe he could get that adaptive camouflage to work right on bright colors. Surely he had some colorful things in his inventory.
He did in fact have a few colorful things in his inventory, and he whiled the rest of the night away making small adjustments to the runic array that was embroidered into the cloth. He was satisfied before dawn, the cloth now performing as well with light colors as it had with darker colors. Now he just needed to make a cloak out of it. He briefly considered coating his armor with the array, but discarded it. There might be times where he’d want to be seen. Besides, a hooded cloak would better break up the outline of his figure, the ripples of fabric, especially if he were to crouch or lay prone, obscuring his outline even more. In little time at all, he had a long, deep hooded cloak of the color shifting, runed cloth in his hands. He stashed it in his inventory for now, as he had no particular need to sneak up on something right now. The rest of the time before dawn he spent silently sitting in the chair he’d chosen, trying to keep his thoughts to a minimum, just daydreaming. Night dreaming? He couldn’t sleep anymore, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to let his mind wander.
As the dawn came and the sun began to shine through the window of the room, Gabrelle slowly awoke, once more finding Xander sitting in a chair rather than in bed.
“Mmf,” She grunted as she stretched. “Morning, Xander. You got back late.”
“Morning, yourself,” Xander said, turning his head to look at Gabrelle. “Yeah... Yeah, I guess I did.”
“What were you doing, anyway?” She asked, curious. “You didn’t mention that you’d be out late, just that you were going to go to see Valteria at her shop.”
“I uh... went on a date.”
“I knew it! ‘Comparing notes’ was a date!” Gabrelle exclaimed triumphantly.
“It was not!” Xander complained. “But we went to a tavern in the evening and it sort of... turned into a date on the way there.”
“Awhh, that’s so cute,” Gabrelle said. “Did it go well? Is she nice? Did you kiss?”
“I think it went well. We talked a lot about different projects and ideas we had. I also got to meet another [Godsmarked] - he owns the tavern we went to. I think she’s nice. Maybe a little shy. I think she’s gotten used to being treated differently by people. I don’t think she really believed that I wanted to go on a date with her, at first. ...And yes. We kissed.”
“Ooooh, look at you! You’re growing up so fast!” Gabrelle teased.
“Oh hush. I’m older than you!” Xander huffed, then returned to seriousness. “But ah, if I’m going to be dating someone... we need to have a conversation, Gabrelle.”
“We need to stop sleeping together?” Gabrelle quickly deduced before Xander could say it himself.
“Yeah... It doesn’t feel right, even though it’s just platonic between us. I don’t think I would appreciate being in Valteria’s situation and knowing that the person I was seeing was sleeping with someone else at night.”
“Well, I figured this would happen eventually,” Gabrelle said. “Either you or I were bound to find someone eventually. Don’t worry, I’m not upset. Don’t get me wrong, the snuggles were nice, but like I told you a while ago, I don’t have nearly as much trouble sleeping when I’m with the team.”
“Thanks for not being upset, Gabrelle.”
“You know this means you have to start paying for your own room, though, right?”
“Ah, shit, you’re right. I forgot.”
Xander left the room to allow Gabrelle some privacy to get dressed and meandered back down the stairs to see if any other members of the team were already up. Looking around, he spied Graffus eating breakfast at at table and moved to sit with the dwarf.
“Mornin’” Graffus greeted Xander through a mouthful of bread.
“Morning,” Xander greeted back.
“Glad to see you made it back, we were wondering if you’d be out all night,” Graffus told him, after swallowing his bread.
“I was out a bit late, I suppose. I let the time get away from me.” Xander said, not really wanted to be teased again about going out on a date. “So what are you planning to do today?”
“Bah, Frazay has roped me into helping her do research for the drakeling. So reading is what’s in store for me.” Graffus tore himself off another piece of bread from his plate and slathered it with jam. “You going to be going back to that [Tinker] you’ve been spending time with lately?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. I’m supposed to learn more about converting mana types today, and also help her fix the suit of armor that I wrecked.”
“Welp,” Graffus said, now on his last piece of bread, “I hope ya learn something new. Never had much to do with [Tinker]s – not saying I dislike them, just that I haven’t had much experience with them – so it don’t make much sense to me. Using a hammer is about the only overlap in our professions.”
“I think your hammer is significantly larger than the one most [Tinker]s would use,” Xander chuckled. Thinking about what he should be doing before he headed to Valteria’s, he asked Graffus, “Hey, I might need to buy some monster parts or elemental cores, something like that, for practice. You know where I would go to find stuff like that?”
Graffus shrugged. “Dunno. My guess would be an alchemy and reagents shop. That’s generally what we’ve sold monster parts to that didn’t go to a smith or leatherworker.”
“Thanks, Graffus.”
The two of them chatted for a while longer, catching up on what each other had been doing. Graffus excused himself to finish getting ready for the day, saying he needed to tend to his beard, leaving Xander downstairs. Deciding to be productive and proactive, Xander stood as well and headed out of the inn to find an alchemy shop.
It wasn’t long before he found one, a familiar scene of an eclectic collection of powders, liquids, crystals, and strange organic things floating in jars inside the building. The proprietor was a dwarf, seated at a workbench. They were grinding something into a powder as Xander entered. He received a distracted greeting before the dwarf returned to his work.
Xander wandered about the shop for a few minutes, looking at the various materials throughout the shop. He identified what he thought might be an elemental core, a jagged piece of crystal looking material that seemed to have an inner flame. As for the monster parts in jars, Xander had no idea what was what. He finally felt he’d waited long enough and moved closer to the worktable that the dwarf was still sitting at, working away at the mortar and pestle.
“Excuse me,” Xander said, grabbing the shopkeep’s attention.
“Mm?” The dwarf said questioningly. “Can I help you find something?”
“I was wondering if you had any elemental cores. Something small, I just need one to practice with.”
“Aye, I’ve a few of them around the shop. You want something to practice with? So a relatively weak core, then – not all the small ones are weak. Do you need any particular type?” The dwarf stood up and stretched, moving to one of the shelves.
“Uhm no, just whatever is cost effective, I suppose.”
The alchemist rifled through the various bits and bobs on one of the shelves nearby before producing a small chip of what looked to be a semi-translucent stone. It was tinged slightly yellow with streaks of white. “This here is a chip off a lightning attuned core. Pretty weak, but it does still produce mana.”
Xander could see the dwarf’s arm hair standing up as if from static electicity as he held up the stone. “How much?” He asked.
“Twenty gold.”
Xander shrugged. Twenty gold wasn’t an issue for him anymore, and he didn’t feel like haggling. He always hated haggling. “Sure.” He fished out the coin and handed it over to the dwarf.
The dwarf handed over the stone to Xander and the pop of a static electric shock could be heard as a tiny arc passed between the two of them. The dwarf grunted and shook his hand. “Thanks for the business,” he told Xander. “Anything else you find yourself in need of?”
“Not at the moment, but thanks for asking.” Xander waved goodbye to the dwarf and pocketed the tiny elemental core. He continued down the street in the direction of Valteria’s shop, thinking about how he was going to undo the welding job he’d done on Valteria’s armor. He’d need her to guide his repair efforts.
Xander returned to the inn momentarily to grab one of his golems. He settled on Atlas for now, as it was the most basic of the humanoid forms he’d created. No extra arms or weird feet on him, no sir.
Arriving at the building that contained Valteria’s home and shop, Xander knocked before opening the door. “Morning,” he called out.
“Xander! Hello!” Valteria called out. She was at the same work bench she’d been at yesterday. Jarrett didn’t seem to be in the shop at the moment, as Xander wasn’t able to spot the man.
Commanding Atlas to follow him in and closing the door behind him, Xander started walking towards Valteria. “How’s it going?” He asked.
“Good, it’s going good,” Valteria responded as Xander brought a stool over to her workbench. “How about yourself?”
“Not bad. The upside of not sleeping is that I never struggle in the mornings now. I used to hate waking up.” Xander laughed. “I even ran an errand before I came here! Picked up this.” Xander fished around in his pocket until he found the small chip of elemental core and held it up for Valteria to see.
“Core?” She asked distractedly, staring at Atlas. She tore her eyes away and looked closely at the small crystalline stone. “Lightning attuned?”
“That’s what the [Alchemist] at the shop said,” Xander affirmed. “Said it was a very weak one, but that it did still produce mana.”
“Mmm, a good practice piece, then.”
“I thought it would be, too. Not that I know what to do with it, yet.”
“Well, how about this: I teach you to set the stone and make some conduit, and then you can help me fix my armor. All the glue has turned to dust by now, thank the gods.”
“Sounds fair enough. So, how do mana conduits work?”
“Well, the concept is simple enough. It’s a tube which conducts mana,” Valteria began to explain.
“Mmhm.” Xander nodded along.
“What you need is a setting – usually of silver, as it has good mana conductivity – which will be the first step of conduction, taking the mana from the stone. Simply wrapping the core in silver wire can work well enough, drawing in the mana that the core puts out through its surface, but for a more effecient setting, small holes are usually drilled into the core to set the wire into as well, giving more surface area to draw from.”
“So we care about the mana conductivity of the material, then? That makes sense, I just hadn’t thought about it. I actually did a little experiment with my rune work to test which fillings were the most conductive.”
“Oh really?” Valteria said, interested. “What were your results?”
“Well, gold and silver were high up there in conductivity, and probably make the most sense for someone who has to physically manipulate material without use of a skill – both for a core setting and for inlaying a rune – but I did find that sapphires and rubies were even more efficient at transferring mana than gold and silver.”
“Mmm... interesting. I’ve heard of gemstones being used in very high-grade settings, as well as various other exotic materials. I read an account of one [Mechanist] who used tubes of mercury to conduct mana, though the relative effectiveness compared to silver wasn’t mentioned.” Valteria cleared her throat. “Uhm, now, where was I? Right, basic settings. Once you have your core – or monster organ, if you’re going that route – you connect it to the conduit. Usually, this is also silver wiring. I like to braid several smaller wires together, personally. I find it to be sturdier and hold up to flexing better. From there, it needs to be tied into a device. Which is a topic for tomorrow.” Looking around the shop, Valteria seemed to identify something on one of the shelves nearby. “I have a core that you could watch me set, and then you could try setting your own, if you’d like.”
“That sounds good to me,” Xander said. “I always love to see a master as work,” he added, opting for a little flattery.
“Follow me, then.” Valteria said, standing up from her stool and waving for Xander to follow.
Xander followed Valteria as she walked over to the shelf she’d been looking at earlier and took a palm sized, bright green stone from it. “Nature attuned core,” She explained, holding it for Xander to see. “I’m told it was taken from some kind of moving tree.” Valteria then moved to another worktable, on which were several of what looked to be drill bits to Xander. There was also an apparatus that look like it was designed to hold the bits, which was confirmed for him when Valteria slotted one of the small drill heads into the device. “This thing,” Valteria said, waving the drill a little bit, “is a life saver. I used to have to drill holes with a hand cranked one. Worth every single coin I paid for it to get an enchanted one.” She turned a dial on one side of the handheld device, which Xander was coming to think of as a magic dremel tool, and it began to come to life, the drill bit beginning to spin with a quiet whirring sound.
“Neat.” Xander commented. He watched patiently as Valteria drilled a series of shallow holes in the stone, the distinct screeching of metal on stone echoing through the shop floor. “So where’s Jarrett today?” He asked.
“Oh, he has the day off today. He asked for it about a week ago, not sure what for, though,” Valteria said distractedly. Soon she was finished with the holes she was drilling into the core, and moved to another workbench. “Now we create a setting for the core. This is a fairly simple way of doing it, mind you, but it is effective.”
Xander watched as she took sections of pre-braided silver wire and fitted the ends into the holes she had drilled. Once each hole was filled with a section of wire, Valteria began to pull wire from a spool, wrapping the stone until it was completely covered with silver wire and binding the braided sections to the stone in the process. “There,” she said, setting the stone down on the workbench. “A perfectly serviceable setting."
“So, if I understand correctly, you coat the core in a mana conductive material – the more surface area, the better, hence the holes – to create a setting?”
“Mmhmm,” Valteria said, nodding.
“Seems fairly straighforward. And then you connect the silver wiring that’s wrapped around it to more wiring, and attach that to your device? Why the distance? Why not just connect the setting directly to the device?”
“You absolutely can, if space isn’t an issue. Technically, the connection between the mana battery and the device, even if it’s just a single point with no distance, is still referred to as a conduit, though, so it’s considered a three part creation.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Do you want to try making your own, now? I don’t mind lending you a little wire.”
“Sure, but I should be good on material, I can produce it with my skills. Doesn’t last without a source of mana, but I guess the core itself might provide enough. Think this little chip is a bit small to put holes in, though.”
Xander looked at the small piece of crystal in his hand. If he just need as much contact as possible with a mana conductive material, his best bet would be to embed it into a sapphire or ruby. He decided on ruby, for no particular reason. Still holding the chip of core in his hand, he concentrated on his [Creation] ability. Valteria watched, amazed, as a ruby began to take form and grow around the piece of core until it was completely coated in a thin layer of gemstone.
“So, you can just... make things?” Valteria asked, sounding jealous.
“Well, it costs mana, and anything I make that isn’t provided a source of mana that leaves my person disintegrates in a day, but, yes. I can just make things with my skills. But,” he added, cutting off Valteria’s complaint of unfairness, “I have never received a skill that actually lets me improve a material. Sure, I have runes, which generally makes up the difference, but I don’t have any skills that improve the things I make. So, if you made a mana battery, and I made a mana battery the same way with identical materials, yours is going to be better, I assume, because you have skills that passively improve the things that you make, am I right?”
“Okayyy,” Valteria huffed. “I guess that does make it a little less unfair. But ugh! It would be so nice not having to source materials.” She looked at the ruby with a piece of core set inside it that Xander had made. “Well, I guess that about does it for making a setting... I thought it might have taken you longer to make one. I guess we can move on to fixing my armor even sooner! It’ll be nice to have it up and moving again.”
“Sure, sure, we can do that. Where is it, anyway?” Xander asked, looking around the shop again like he somehow would have missed the eight foot tall suit of armor.
“It’s in a shed behind the house,” Valteria explained. “I have it on a hoist so I can work on it.”
“Ah, that would explain why I haven’t seen it around.”
Exiting the shop, stopping for Valteria to put a small ‘closed’ sign on the door, the two of them made their way around the building, where Xander saw the small shed that presumably held Valteria’s armor. It looked like it could just barely hold the armor and one person – two, if they were comfortable with each other – inside it.
“So this is where the magic happens?” Xander asked.
“If by ‘magic’ you mean maintenance and upgrades, then yes,” Valteria agreed. She opened the door of the shed, which comprised most of the front of the tiny little building, revealing her suit of armor, which was currently hanging from several chains attached to pulleys on the ceiling. Plates of armor were laying strewn about the suite, leaving the joints and inner workings more exposed.
Xander whistled, looking at the inner workings of the suit. He could see gears, cogs, and joints, and throughout the entirety of the armor were running filaments of silver wire, which he assumed were mana conduits running to and from elemental cores and the various mana powered aspects of the suit. “This thing really is impressive. Almost as impressive as the woman who made it,” he said.
Valteria giggled, “Stop it! You’re supposed to be fixing this mess, not flirting with me!”
“Awh, can’t I do both?” Xander asked, trying to sound as saccharine as possible.
“Mmm, I suppose that if you are sufficiently skilled at multitasking, I might allow it,” Valteria said in a mockingly thoughtful tone.
“Well, I just so happen to be an expert, so flirt away I shall,” Xander replied. “Now, how about the beauty in front of me shows me exactly where the other beauty in front of me needs some repairs?”
Valteria sighed at Xander’s antics, but he could see the slight flush in her face. “Well, you welded the wrist joints, elbows, and knees. They aren’t welded all the way round, it’s more like you smoothed over a portion of it like it was wet clay. So if you could just... put it back? Shape it back to how it was, that’s should be all that’s needed.”
“Pretty straightforward,” Xander said, standing behind Valteria as she pointed out each joint. He could see the misshapen parts where he’d slapped a weld onto the metal. He leaned over her and put his hands on the elbow joint that they were closest to and began to shape the metal back to its original form.
“You’re... very close,” Valteria murmured to him as he formed the metal.
“Would you like me not to be?” He asked, carefully.
Valteria was silent for a moment before answering, “No...” quietly.
Xander carefully shifted to be a little closer, but still not quite touching, as he moved on to the wrist joint of the same arm. The process itself was simple, but he was enjoying taking his time. As he finished the wrist, he turned to look at Valteria. He found himself looking right into her eyes, as she was staring back at him. Unable to resist the temptation he leaned in a little closer, gauging Valteria’s reaction. When she, too, leaned towards him, he closed the small gap between them, drawing her into another kiss. Valteria pressed herself against him, the shed hiding them from any prying eyes on the street, and let out a small noise as Xander squeezed her tight. She was breathing a little bit harder than before the kiss as they separated again.
Valteria let out a breath. “You’re… a really good kisser.”
“Yeah?” Xander said, pleased with himself. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“And you’re a tease, looming over me like that in this tiny little shed,” Valteria continued. “Now you’ve got me all flustered, how am I supposed to work now?” She mock complained.
Xander was glad to see that Valteria was comfortable enough with him to joke like that. “Forgive me,” he said formally, making a deep bow, “How ever can I make it up to the lady?”
“Oh stop it, I will tolerate no bowing and scraping, even in jest,” Valteria said, slapping him lightly on the shoulder, as he was still holding the bow. “You can make it up to me by fixing the rest of these joints! And by taking me out to dinner?” She added, hopefully.
“I think that can be arranged,” Xander said. “Is there anywhere you have in mind? I will admit, I haven’t become very familiar with the local restaurant scene, what with my… dietary restrictions.”
“It doesn’t… make you feel bad to go out to a restaurant, does it?” Valteria asked softly, watching his face for a reaction.
“Nah, don’t worry,” Xander said, waving off the question with one hand. “It doesn’t bother me too much. Sure, I miss the taste of a good cut of steak, but I was never that into food. Eating was more of a thing I did because I had to, so I’m not completely devastated by the loss. And I can still get some vicarious enjoyment out of watching someone else enjoy their food. Really the worst part is awkwardly having to refuse ordering anything,” he said with a laugh.
“Alright, if you say so,” Valteria said, letting out a slight breath of relief. “I was just worried that it might be upsetting to you, is all. I know I would miss eating.” She paused for a moment, something clearly on her mind. “What do you miss? If you don’t mind my asking. I just… well, I’m curious what it’s like for you.”
“Mmm, in a lot of ways, life is still the same, and in other ways, I’m technically doing better than I was before. I’m incredibly resistant to damage now, even without my armor. I do miss sleeping, though. I try to give my mind a rest and just sort of daydream and let my thoughts wander or do some meditation during the nights, but it’s just not the same. Also means I’m the one that pulls guard duty through the night,” he grumbled. “Let’s see, what else, what else. Ah, right. I can’t smell anything. Or taste. I haven’t worked out how to recreate those senses, yet. Though no sense of smell can be handy sometimes, I suppose. I don’t know if you’ve done much merc work – you mentioned being surprised that I’m not just moonlighting – but uh… the smells that you encounter on a battlefield are… unpleasant. To say the least. It was weird not having a sense of touch either, but I’ve resolved that. It’s a little bit different than my previous, natural sense of touch, but I’ve become accustomed to it to the point that I don’t much think about the difference anymore. I think I’ve even got the density of receptors down in certain areas compared to others, so I'm more sensitive in some areas than others now, just like I used to be. I’m still immune to being tickled though, so don’t even think about it – that’s a fight you’ll lose.” Growing a bit more somber, Xander continued on. “I think… the biggest thing I miss is just the feeling that I fit in more. Now I always worry about being different, there’s that nagging fear that anyone I get to know well is going to reject me once they find out what I am. Like I’m secretly lying to everyone around me with this façade I have going on.”
Valteria nodded sadly. “I get that. I’ve been… rejected before, too. At least it happens or not right from the beginning for me. I get to know if they look down on me for being different immediately instead of fearing they might later down the road.”
“Yeah,” Xander said. “People can really suck sometimes. But at least I can just, like, not tell people what I am if I so chose. You, my teammates, and the guild, since it’s on my status sheet, are really the only people who know. I keep it pretty private. You can’t do that, so I think you probably have to deal with a lot worse than I do. Not that I’d want you to hide what or who you are,” he added. “I happen to be quite enamored with who you are,” he said, teasing a smile from Valteria’s sad face.
“Sorry to bring up such a dour topic,” Valteria apologized. “I didn’t think much on it before I asked.”
“No worries,” Xander told her. “Honestly, I think it’s good to be able to talk about it with someone. It’s healthy to be able to get you feelings out there. And it helps that I feel like you understand where I’m coming from with it, though from a slightly different perspective.”
“You’re surprisingly thoughtful sometimes,” Valteria said, only half teasing.
“Only sometimes?” Xander asked with a faux expression of hurt on his face. “By the way, you didn’t react much to my comment about moonlighting as a merc. Do you ever go on contracts?”
Valteria shrugged. “I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as a professional mercenary. Moonlighter is an apt descriptor, for me, I think. I have gone on a couple, here and there, mostly on kill contracts that would net me a core or organ that would be useful for my work.”
“Mm, that makes sense. I suppose it could be handy having access to the ability to take contracts that would give you access to specialty materials,” Xander said.
“It’s also good for business,” Valteria explained. “Mercs tend to like to buy from someone who has at least been out on a contract or two before.”
“Ah, that makes sense. What kind of things do you sell to mercenaries, anyways? I saw Jarrett with a crossbow yesterday, but I imagine you make other things, too.”
“Oh all kinds of little things. Portable, flameless heaters for cooking. Water purification sieves. Mm, let’s see… I’ve made a few custom order devices, too. One customer wanted to be able to shoot a jet of flame from their gauntlet, that was a fun one.”
“Ooh, that does sound fun… reminds me of my flamethrower.”
“Your flamethrower?”
“Yeah, it’s basically a big tank with a hose attached to it. At the end of the hose is a pump that causes the flammable liquid – I use dragon’s tar – to shoot out. Add a flame that the tar passes over and bam! You’ve got a giant stream of flame that will coat anything it hits with sticky, flammable tar,” Xander said, excitedly describing the device.
“That’s… impressive. And kind of horrifying,” Valteria responded.
“Mm… I guess you’re right. I mostly use it on giant spiders. Blugh,” Xander shuddered. “But yeah, I suppose it’s not the nicest of ways to go. Very effective for area denial, though. Ah, actually I have an idea for crossbow bolt head that would ignite when it shatters! We should make that sometime and see if it sells.”
“Hmm, I think that would draw some buyers. A flaming bolt head you didn’t have to light first could be desirable to certain buyers.”
“Put that on the list and we’ll get around to it sometime.”
“We have a list?” Valteria said confusedly.
“We should!” Xander said with a laugh. “Now let’s get the rest of these joints done.”
The repair of the other arm and the leg joints that Xander had locked into position during the tournament was a short affair. Looking over the bare metal frame of the armor still hanging from the ceiling, Xander clapped his hands together, mimicking dusting them off. “Good as new!” He exclaimed. Looking over to Valteria he asked concernedly, “It is good as new, right?”
Valteria had been staring at the armor as well, lost in thought about how she was going to improve it next. “Hmm? Oh, yes. It’s right as rain again, ready for use. Thank you, by the way. For fixing it,” She said awkwardly.
“Well I’m the one who broke it, so it’s only fair that I fix it. So what do you want to work on next?” Xander asked. “I could do some rune work for you. Orrr… we could kiss some more?”
Valteria flushed at the question, but didn’t immediately say no.
A few minutes later, she found herself on her tip toes and lightly pressed against the interior wall of the shed, her lips pressed against Xanders.
Once the two of them were done acting like teenagers parked in a secluded parking lot, they made their way back into the shop. Stepping inside and closing the door behind them, Valteria let out a breath. “I think… you are going to have to do a lot of rune work to make up for how much you just kissed me, Xander.”
“What, you didn’t like it?” He said with a raised eyebrow.
“I didn’t say that,” Valteria said with a smirk.

Hi everyone!
I wanted to give a detailed review of my experience with sm global package for taemin’s metamorph concert in tokyo at the nippon budokan. I am months delayed in posting this (thanks to grad school) but I initially wrote it out of post-concert depression prior to returning to the states back in March.
buying the global package, twin ver:
the package was announced sometime in december 2023 if im not mistaken and I stayed up until midnight (pst) on 1/22 to book a twin package for ‘course c’ which was 2N3D (sunday concert 3/10) for my friend and I. The packages that included all three nights (5D3N) of the show sold out the quickest, but there were still packages available for individual show days. As a tip to make things easier, make sure to have your friends’ passport info to input in advance so the booking goes easier if you are booking a twin package. If you are the one making the booking, make sure to have the global package app downloaded as they will send you notifications along the way about day of show schedule, merch preorder, etc. They ask that you relay this info to your partner when you purchase a twin package, as you are the primary reservation holder. You also cannot split the cost while booking, it must go on one card through paypal. When booking, you have the option to request extending your stay at the hotel through sm c&c, but since we were planning to go to Kyoto after the concert, we just checked out the day after the concert as planned. Also we didn’t have any ACE memberships, but if I remember correctly, you can enter that info to get an exclusive MD benefit.
merch preorder:
Prior to arriving in Japan, we got a notification at around 6pm pst on 2/28 (11 days prior to the show) with our exclusive merch preorder links which went live at midnight that same night. The prices were in yen and you pay using paypal. I had no problem getting the MD I wanted, however since there were limits on the amount of MD you could purchase (including the 2 different pins, which were 1 per order) I had to ask my friend if I could purchase an additional pin through his MD preorder link since there were 2 different pins in this specific concert MD. The day of the show (3/10) at around 10am, we picked up the MD we preordered with ease and pulled our concert seat tickets and received our global package exclusive gift (a mag safe wallet) and let the staff know which transports we would be taking (round trip bus or one way to/from the venue). I was a ljttle disappointed in the global package benefit MD as I had seen what the metamorph show in Korea had received (I think it was a handwritten letter from Taemin and a little lego figurine of him 🤧). Everything was smooth and efficient. Even after the concert, I was able to get into the MD line to purchase more, even though most of the MD was sold out.
checking in/out of the hotel & hotel review:
We stayed at the Hotel Monterey Hanzomon which was really close to the venue and across the street from the Hanzomon subway line, so it was very accessible by public transit. My friend and I both flew into Haneda and it took a little less than an hour to get to the hotel from the airport via public transit, but after a 12.5 hour long flight it was exhausting. When I asked the people at the airport if there was an airport limousine to the area, they said it wouldn’t take me close enough to the hotel and recommended I take the subway. We had met a few people in line for the MD pickup who said that we (allegedly) had a nicer hotel than those who did the NCT 127 global package for their Tokyo dome show (same weekend) but all in all, Hanzomon was an economy hotel with nothing to write home about. I will say the breakfast buffet included was really nice and I’m glad we didn’t skip out on it. When we checked in the day before the show, we just showed our passports and checked in like any other hotel. In the lobby there was a whiteboard with all of the concert info (opening times for md pickup, bus schedules, and concert schedule) displayed in english, korean, chinese, and japanese. I was a little bummed to find out that the concert (which took place in the middle of the afternoon) was only going to be an hour and a half maximum, even though NCT’s concert was almost 4 hours (!!!) in length.
day of show:
We had breakfast in the lobby around 8:30/9ish then after that we got to the sm desk at 9:45am to pick up our md and pick our tickets for the show (thanks to the tip from another fan on reddit, well worth getting there a little before the booth opened). I did notice the ACE membership MD benefits were nice, but neither me nor my friend have any fanclub memberships. It was relatively straightforward, they checked our passports and handed us a lanyard that acted as our bus pass and then one person per twin package picks the pair of tickets at random (in sets of 2 so you sit with your friend) and we got seats in section A3 (floor) which were great. They asked us if we wanted a seat on the bus ride round trip or one way and we originally said only one ride to the venue, but my friend decided to take the bus back too once we got to the venue so we notified the SM staff and they added us to the roster for the ride back easily. When we got to the venue (an hour and a half-ish before doors) they escorted us to the front and we were let in immediately. The efficiency was incredible. They didn’t check my bag prior to entering like how they would for a concert in the US so I didn’t bring a water bottle into the venue but thankfully they had vending machines inside and concessions on the top levels of the venue. We also went to a booth upstairs to pair our lightsticks for the show, since the Japanese Shinee Lightstick app is only available for Japanese phones, so we showed our ticket locations and they were able to calibrate. The show was short yet sweet, we did not see anyone ejected for taking photos/videos but we were too scared to risk it. If you are caught filming or taking photos they will make you delete the photos/videos and kick you out with no sign of return, but I think because it was the last day and we were in the middle of a crowd, it was a little easier to get away with. There was a sadness in the air because it was Taemin’s last concert as a soloist under SM, but overall the show was incredible. One thing of note though is Japanese audiences are very quiet, they tend to clap rather than scream in between songs and there were times where you could hear someone from the rafters sneeze and it would resonate, so be prepared for that cultural difference. We still screamed when it felt appropriate to do so and the fanchants were loud but it was definitely strange to be golf clapping in between songs, especially in comparison to shows in the US where fans are barking 💀. It was nice to be able to hear Taemin speak uninterrupted during the ments, without pick-me fans interjecting their screams. He spoke exclusively in Japanese and there was no translator so we were left to guess what he was saying. A K-fan next to us was live Papago-ing his ments to Korean and I would peek and read what the translation was. Also shout out to this lovely K-shawol because she let my friend borrow one of her lightsticks! Once the show ended, everyone queued up to leave the venue in an orderly fashion and we cleaned up any trash we saw and we went out to the MD booth to buy any last minute MDs before going to the bus. On the bus, they gave us each a (unthemed) bag with some strawberry cookies and a waterbottle and we had a fun time air-dropping photos and videos from the show with other (braver) global package attendees. Everyone we met was so lovely and everything about the global package went very smoothly and efficiently.
closing thoughts:
the day after the show, we took advantage of the free breakfast and checked out with ease. The SM C&C staff left the whiteboard in the lobby and left a nice note for us and we wrote our thank yous on there. Overall, the package cost was $1559 for 2 people ($779 ea, 2 twin beds for 2N3D) and even though it was pricey it was so worth the convenience of not having to try to buy tickets locally, which I heard sold out entirely during fan club presale. Please note that this cost did not include airfare or transit to/from the airport. The concert coincided with my spring break and Taemin is one of my ults, I just wrote a paper on him for grad school so it was a no brainer, I had to be there no matter what lol. I was a bit disappointed in the lack of theming (I heard the concerts in Korea come with themed rooms, themed snacks, etc) and the lack of transportation to and from the airport (which I heard is sometimes an option for shows in Korea and would have been a great benefit). But otherwise the hotel was clean and convenient (a little small, but that’s how it is normally in an economy hotel in Japan), breakfast was good, SM staff were helpful and nice, and we made some new Shawol friends in the meantime :)
overall, I would absolutely book with global package again, but I would definitely want to see a show in Korea to compare the benefits. It was an unforgettable experience to be apart of the pearl aqua ocean 💎
if you have any questions ask away! prior to booking this package, I took the advice of another fan under and it was really helpful so I wanted to offer any insight based off my experience.

We were heading in and he was heading out with a little tomato plant and as we pass him he says "excuse me do you know the difference between a teenager and a bird?" We of course say no and the punchline is "The bird can still afford to put a deposit on a car!"
I thought it was funny but it flew over my husband's head. Thinking about it now you could interpret it as a rude joke but I don't think he meant it that way. Now If he had said "put a deposit on a house" I would've been mad.
My husband told me later that that's the kind of old man he wants to be and I do too. I know we could do it now but if you're old people think it's cute. Tell jokes to strangers as a middle aged adult and people are like "wow what a weirdo."

A couple of years ago I tried writing my own version of Stones Abbigale. I never got past the first couple scenes, but I'm considering returning to it. I wanted to basically rewrite and change up a lot of things, mainly focusing on Abbi and Davis and changing some elements. Let me know what you think!

1
It's almost four in the morning and Seth is threatening suicide again. Good. Fuck him. I hope he does it. I don't text him that because I read about this girl who told her boyfriend to kill himself. The irony was that when he actually did it she got charged with second degree murder. My life is fucked as it is I don't need to make it worse. It's almost two in the morning and I have to be up for school in a few hours. I’m shivering under my comforter because we’re halfway through November. I think about the turkey that won't get made this year and the family I won't see. I think that's swell. Seth is still texting.
Its like u dont even care after everything that happened and after everything we did together i saved ur life and i stayed with u when u cried and i hugged u and i did everything for u but that wasn't enough was it? i try so hard and all u ever are is a bitch to me that's not fair u want me to die and u hate me and u dont even care and im sick of it abbi why is is so hard for u to care about me?
I don't respond. I don't like how I feel about this. This should be easy. He won't actually do it. He won't. He’s too self involved to kill himself. I put my phone face down on my bed. The sheets shake around it as he sends message after message. I was sleeping on a ticking bomb so I got off of it. My feet stick to the floor, I struggle to step. I might as well have been standing barefoot on ice. I trudge to my window so I can see my street at night. Winter is really coming. You can't hear as many birds as you used to. They've all gone. They've all flown away. I can see three streetlights from where I’m standing. If you can from right to left you can see the concrete fracture into the sand. I open my window and brace for the chill. I stick my head outside. The ocean is not far away. I hear it hitting the shore over and over. Waves of water splashing incessantly, almost beating out my text notifications. The street lights flicker. I think of last summer. When Seth and I got really high after the news broke that my Mom was cheating on my Dad. I was making out with that bong. Emptying bowl after bowl, clanking the glass on the road to empty it out. Just thinking about it makes me feel the street pole against my back again. I was laughing and crying. Seth leaned in and hugged me. “I’m a sure thing,” he said. “I love you and I always will.” I caught my reflection in his sunglasses. I looked awful. I shiver at the memory. My phone is still buzzing. I try to catch my breath. I shut my window and start to walk back to my bed. A room always looks different in the dark. Maybe you think you know where you are, but there is always something that can jump out at you on the floor. Like a ghostly paper bag or a vengeful shoe. Objects that seem to move on their own with the sole drive of tripping you. I crawl back into bed. There's the phantom of Dad’s snoring . I know he's not sleeping in his room, he fell asleep on the couch after finishing his seventh fifth. Sometimes my brain fills in the gaps so I can hear it everywhere. Funnily, I haven't actually heard him snore since Mom left. That's the one thing I ever heard them fight about. Before she turned out to be a whore, I guess. BZZT.BZZT.BZZT. I can't bring myself to read any of his messages. They're coming so fast all the paragraphs are lost to motion blur. Seth’s arms wrap around me and I think about the beating of his heart and the warmth of his lips against my skin. I open up the texts, ready to respond.
I love you
I text this over and over until I fall asleep.
Davis was the only senior on the bus. Somehow, everyone else had a car or a ride. It’s all right, though. James would probably give him one if he had a car, but he skated to school every morning. That's why he barely ever rode the bus with him. The bus thumped along the under paved roads. Davis forgot his earbuds at home, so the only music that accompanied him was his racing thoughts. Two sophomore girls popped their heads over. “Ohmigod, Davis!” One of them shrieked.. “As I live and breathe,” he smiled. “Nice,” she said. “I’m so excited to see your finished painting.” Davis took the lower level art class for a requirement. Like most things, he's not taking it very seriously. For their pop art unit, he's painting a portrait of the art teacher with a warthog face. It's one of his funny disruptions. He knows Mrs. Stanley is going to have a real field day with it, but it doesn't matter. Artistic liberties, he’d profess. “She's such a bitch, isn't she?” The sophomore girl turns to her compatriot, who only nods in response. “She's just jealous,” Davis says. “It must be depressing to teach art and see the youth soar above her.” “For sure,” the girl doesn't get it. Class clown is a semi-heavy burden. Davis doesn't really feel like talking to these girls, but his position demands it. Comedy informs everything about him. To the giant thrift store jeans, to the loud Hawaiian shirt. He and James are the ultimate combination, at least he likes to think so. Quiet brooding begs for bright distraction. The girl is still trying to talk to him and Davis is saying his preprogrammed lines. The bus stops in front of James’s street. Surprisingly, James is standing there. “Like I’m this close to just filling my hydroflask with vodka, yaknow?” says the chick. Maybe she's just trying to get a rise out of him. “Better be prepared to give me more than a sip,” Davis is watching James grumble towards the bus. The sun is beating down on the forming ice puddles. James stomps through them with small shattering steps. James turns up the bus aisle and plops in the seat next to Davis. Davis’s smile is genuine now, but he fights it from getting too wide. “Crash your vehicle?” Davis asks. “Something like it,” there's something off with him. Davis doesn't want to push it. “Well damn, hope insurance covers it,” Davis wants James to break and laugh. Is it just another mood or did something actually happen this time? “It won't, I got bad credit,” James grins and it's like heaven. “What's the move for you today?” “Surviving art and physics for me,” says Davis. “Those bastards love to keep me down.” “Who doesn't,” James eyes the girls who have since returned to whatever they were doing before. It's the judgement stare, as Davis calls it. James likes to observe his peers like a zoo-goer. Breaking them down to taxonomic types. Davis likes to think that James doesn't do this to him, but he knows he probably does. “It sucks you decided to be bad at school and take baby art,” James is still dissecting the sophomore girls down to their tropes. “We could have done Art II together.” “I wouldn't want to get between you and Alex. I know how you love it when people piss in jars next to you.” “That's disgusting,” James breaks his glare at the girls. “It's performance art, it's beautiful,” Davis gets up out of his seat to yell. “Everyone witness the wonderful work of Alex Madov! Disengage yourself from the shackles of capitalism by shouting with me: Poopy, pee pee, poop!” Davis gets a few chuckles from the other kids on the bus. “Sit down, fatso,” mumbles the bus driver. “I will not be silenced! I’m a messenger of the good word, sir!” “More of this shit and I’m skipping your stop!” “Fine, but I will make Alex remember on the day of judgement,” Davis sits back down. James is full belly laughing. “You're so retarded,” James wheezes. Davis can't even come back with a response. He's high off of it.
The bus pulls into the school lot with a short stop. The mobs get up and begin to race out. Davis follows James down the line. “You know Abbi?” James asks. Davis feels a little pit form in his stomach, but he doesn't change his expression. “Vaguely, what about her?” “She's in my art class,” James begins. “And I think … well you know, I’m going to talk to her.” He walks down the steps and out the door. “Doesn't she have a boyfr-” before Davis can descend the driver's arm blocks him. “I’ve had enough of your shit, kid,” he says. “If you keep being obnoxious, I’m gonna find a way to make you pay for it.” James looks back, but he can't stay. Davis knows that he's gotta get to class. James does a little wave goodbye and Davis salutes him. “Are you even listening to me?” the bus driver seethes. “Yes, sir. Divine retribution, got it.” Davis ducks underneath his arm and exits the bus. James has already disappeared into the crowd.
I pass the bong to Ashley. She starts another bowl. She’s the transport and I provide the material. The little things that keep our friendship afloat. I look at the clock in her car. “It's 8:45,” I pick a piece of bagel out of my teeth. “So that's it, we officially missed first period,” Ashley tops it off. “They won't mark us, you know. It's a study.” “Yeah, but when's the last time we signed in? I heard they're changing the policy again. Do you still have the lighter?” I toss it to her. I don't get it. It's always her idea to pick me up so we can smoke before school, why now is she suddenly caring about attendance? “We're pretty girls, we can get out of it. I’m next,” I tap on the clock. “Are you sure it's not fast?” She shakes her head as she takes a snap. We're parked in the pond area a block or two from the school. It's our designated smoking spot. I like it, even at the end of fall it's pretty. I’m so engrossed that I don't realize her tip out the bowl and put it back in the cup holder. “I don't know if it's wise to keep up the activity, we should probably get going soon,” she starts up her car again. “Okay,” I say. She reverses and swings out of the lot. We lean into the silence and it's super weird. “Seth texted me last night,” I wait for her reaction. “Oh,” she grimaces. “What did you say?” “That I loved him.” Silence again. Ashley's trying to put together something well-meaning while understanding that I’ll probably ignore whatever she has to say. “Abbi, I’m not trying to tell you how to run your life, but …” Her expression is now quizzical. She's said what she is about to say a number of different ways all ready. She thinks and thinks and decides to say nothing. Good call, I would have screamed at her. Not because what she thinks about my situation isn't true, I’m just in a ‘screaming at people mood’ because of it. “I’m going to dye my hair again,” she changes the subject to avoid conflict. Classic Ash. “Oh yeah? What color this time?” “I don't know,” she checks her reflection in the rear view. “The red has faded out, maybe blue or pink this time.” “You should go with a softer pink,” I say. “Since you're a soft spring.” “Yeah, maybe.” We enter the school lot. “Listen, do you want to get together when I do it? Maybe you can dye your hair too.” “I don't know, I might be busy,” I say. “Seth might want to do something,” I pause for her to protest. “Okay,” she says. She parks and we get out.
I barrel into art class. I don't care if I reek, out of all the teachers I can tell Mrs. Stanley smokes the most. It would be hypocritical of her to care. It looks like I’m the first one. Weird. I check my phone. It's 8:45. Well, fuck. Looks like Ashley needs to fix her clock. Mrs. Stanley is at her desk. She looks at me knowingly. “Eager to create today, Abbi?” I just nod and sit at my desk. I’m really feeling it. I open up my precalc notebook and just start sketching. Birds, eyes, trees, whatever. Kids start coming in. Their chatter echoes around me, I try to focus on what I’m doing. Someone bumps into my table. I look up. It's this lanky blonde kid, I think his name is James. He presses his hands underneath the desk as he leans up to talk to me. “Eww!” He shouts. Some kids turn and laugh. I don't. I just stare at him. James goes red and sits next to the kid who pissed in a jar. Once an adequate amount of students are in the room, Mrs. Stanley starts her lesson slideshow. On the screen is a dirty urinal. “How many of you are familiar with this work by Marcel DuChamp?” she asks. At this point, Jason, the designated meathead jock, enters the room. “Sorry I’m late, Mrs. S,” he booms. He looks at the slide. “We building bathrooms today?” Mrs. Stanley glares at him. “Wouldn't you like that? Considering you spend all of your time in there.” “Whatever,” Jason brushes his mullet behind his ears. “No, not whatever. Would you like me to move you into the sophomore class with Davis? Believe it or not he's getting much better marks than you are getting in here.” Jason rolls his eyes and takes his place in the chair next to me. “Up to a little extra curricular activities before art, Abbi?” he motions a joint in his fingers. I scoff and go on my phone. There's another text from Seth.
sorry about last night
and
im reading it all right now that was fucked im sorry
I start to respond, but before I can Mrs. Stanley outstretches her hand. “Give me your phone, Miss Hagerty. I’m sick of giving you warnings.” I don't have the energy to fight, I just give it to her. “You can pick it up at the end of the day.” My jaw actually drops. Jason must have really set her off, she's not usually such a cunt to me. “Anyways, found art. What is it? Well, found art is the use of everyday objects to convey an altered meaning. It can be something you find on the street or something that once held value to you. For example, My Bed by Tracey Elim.” She pulls up a picture of a messy bed that looks suspiciously like my own. “So for your final unit of the semester, you will be making your own found art. I really want you to take this project a little more seriously than most of you have been taking this class. I’m giving you the privilege of picking your own partners, but I’d like to remind you to be thoughtful with your choice. This will be worth more for your grade.” I look around. I don't have any friends here. I toy around with the idea of asking Jason for convenience and he looks like he's about to pull that move. Behind me there's that James guy. He’s sheepishly looking at me. He seems kind of nice. Okay. I don't feel like getting up so I just turn around in my chair. “Hey James, wanna be partners?” He balks a bit and then smiles at me. “Yeah, totally,” He's beaming and it's somewhat endearing. Alex and I switch seats and now I’m next to him. “I’m gonna be real with you …” I begin. He stops and shifts a little. “I have no idea what we're supposed to be doing for this.” He regards me oddly. Like he's trying to piece me together. It doesn't bother me. “She said we have to bring in an object that's special to us and present it artistically basically,” he rubs his chin. Damn, I must be baked to hell. I didn't hear her saying that at all. “So got any stuffed animals we can cut up and make Lovecraftian monstrosities out of?” “I got a hamster cage, hold the hamster,” I say. It comes out kind of weird and I probably sound stupid, but he doesn't seem to care. “Let's make a fucking zoo.” “Perfect!” He’s kind of cute actually. In a way. Something about this feels fun. I realize the bell will ring soon. “So um,” I rip out a page of my precalc notebook, still fresh with my drawings. I scrawl out my number and push it to him. “Call me so we can figure out the project some more.” I pack up all my stuff and start to head out. I can feel him watching me and it's not that bad. “I sure will,” he says. Everything feels really groovy. There's a lightness now. I’m halfway out the door when I remember my phone. I can't believe that I just forgot about Seth. I think about begging for my phone, but I feel too above that. Still, something shakes the good feeling as the bell rings.

As the title states why is singing/rapping along to your music in public so frowned upon as such a deadly sin, for example, I absolutely love music but mostly rap/hip hop/RnB. pretty much every song I have ever heard I have memorised and don’t miss a second to rap/ singalong to them whenever they come on, (Obviously excluding places like buses, trains etc). I wouldn’t even say it’s loud just loud enough to be able to hit different notes/ cadences and the amount of people that stare at me when they walk past as if I’m butt ass naked or something. It’s like they’re so not used to seeing someone living their own life and not being worried about other peoples opinions that they just can’t help but give a death stare.
okay little edit, i have headphones in just to clarify, im not just blasted music out of my phone or speakers into the atmosphere for everyone to hear, just literally singing/ rapping along to my music in my headphones.

Hey all, I'm back. Been pretty busy over the last couple of weeks but I'll be back for now. Still working on Grand World Tour, and the release date will be announced shortly.
Ripper, Ripper, Ripper. The alfalfa male. Two sides of the same coin of RealRipper and FakeRipper. He was made so hateable in season one with the fart jokes, with the climax in episode 5, and mellowed out whilst still keeping his charm for the remaining episodes he was in. He had excellent dynamics with Chase and Zee. He contributed in challenges in an unique way, such as when he picked up Priya to go coast to coast for the skull and him and Chase teaming up in the very first challenge. Even during merge, his prowess shows where he was able to be one of the first to bring an egg back to Chris and almost won immunity the very next episode. In season 2, his character mellowed out a lot, and while he still had some of his charm, it was almost like he became a completely different person this season. He had a good first four episodes, with his peak being in the glass tile game where he got two right, but the last three he became Gidgette 2.0 with Axel, to distract Prileb (Notice how they were fixed in the finale.) All in all, still very humoring to watch this season.
Characterization:
Boy oh boy where do I even begin. Back in the Reboot, this man was very mean-spirited and gross to the point he would shamelessly pick on people. He will also use underhanded tactics to achieve victory, such as using Priya as a human shield and having Zee distract a cassowary only to leave him behind.
He shows off a more vulnerable and softer side when he forms a crush on Axel, whom he goes to great lengths to impress yet fails. He eventually succeeds and cares about her immensely, going against his mentality that caring about other people makes you look weak, to the point he chooses to leave with Axel when she's eliminated.
Plot/Story Ideas:
Some ideas that say it better than I could with Ripper, starting with u/Slayquil (Shout out to that one fanfic with Ripper and Axel's pregnancy). "I'd like to see his character arc finish. He already changed a lot from 1 to 2, so maybe 3 could close it out? I'd also want to see more of his friendships with Chase and Zee, and also more of the cute type of relationship he has with Axel later (not whatever the hell s2e7 was...that was uncomfy to watch). I've said it before but with the right writing, I feel like they have the potential to be really fun and certainly less toxic than Prileb." I'd love to see him close out his character for the first three episodes of the new season. It would be nice to see more of his interactions.
One big issue arises, which is how he outlasted Axel, and I really doubt that it'll happen for a third time. It's why, and due to his personality, that I do not see him going far.
Character Rankings:
I'm a really big fan of Ripper's character, and I find him rather underrated as far as the reboot goes. Aside from his fart jokes, his interactions are some of the best of this reboot, namely coming from the Trout Trio and Axel. He was enjoyable to watch with his demeanor showing off a change of pace from what we usually see from the show, and hes portrayed as such. Season 2 has a lot of issues, starting from his interactions being less interesting (which is a Rematch problem), and was flanderized in his final few episodes. His relationship with Axel, while the build-up being interesting, came off rather rushed in the sense that Rippers character kinda became a different person.
Personal Ranking: 10/16; Season 3 placement: Early boot (14th-16th?)
Let me know your thoughts on Ripper as a character and potential plots he can have. Also let me know if I missed anything and leave a comment!

"Something always brings me back to you It never takes too long No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touch You keep me without chains I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love And not feel your reign
Set me free, leave me be I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity Here I am, and I stand So tall, just the way I'm supposed to be But you're on to me and all over me
Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile When I thought that I was strong But you touch me for a little while And all my fragile strength is gone"
*Lyrixmatch*

• Gravity by Sara Bareilles

I also find 'Caught out in the rain' by Beth Hart gives a same vibe. Any similar other songs, describing Amen & Eva's strange relationship?