Ncp for paranoid examples schizophrenia
Schizophrenia
2009.09.25 11:49 Schizophrenia
Welcome! This is a community meant for a discussion of schizophrenia spectrum disorders, and related issues. Active participation is encouraged.
2014.05.26 22:36 Cpt_Jean-Luc-Picard Paranoid Schizophrenia
A community for questions, support and general information about paranoid schizophrenia.
2011.10.22 01:53 GAMEchief Ask Psychology
Science-based answers for questions about the mind, behavior and perception. This is not a mental health/advice sub!
2024.04.29 00:24 fun_shirt Cultural environmental factors in mental illness?
I’m curious about the prevalence of certain mental illnesses, MH disorders, personality disorders, and etc in certain communities over others.
For example, there are zero cases of schizophrenia diagnosed in people blind from birth.
Also, is (for e.g.) depression, or are EDs more prevalent in one type of environment rather than another? TIA
submitted by fun_shirt to askpsychology [link] [comments]
For example, there are zero cases of schizophrenia diagnosed in people blind from birth.
Also, is (for e.g.) depression, or are EDs more prevalent in one type of environment rather than another? TIA
2024.04.28 23:49 EliseThrowawayy I'm so deeply afraid of smelling bad that I can't leave my home
This is a throwaway account because honestly this is embarrassing. It's also a bit long.
Okay so for a bit of context, I (20F) was already in a pretty dark place before all of this happened. I'm a med student, which is enough to break some already, and a little more than a year ago, I realized I was trans (MtF) and began my transition. My family being muslim and hence homophobic/transphobic, I no longer have any contact with them and live alone. I have three close friends, but it's really hard seeing them (we see each other once every two months). So yeah I was already pretty depressed, and on top of that I developed what I suspect is Body Dysmorphic Disorder in relation to my gender dysphoria (I can spend hours obsessing in front of a mirror on bad days) and some mild eating disorder. And I'm failing classes, obviously.
But you know, I still had hope. I could retake the year, work this summer to pay for FFS, and I was motivated to get help from my doctor about my depressive state and see a therapist.
One morning last week, I had an exam at the hospital. I spent all night reviewing the material, slept very little, and come morning I skipped taking a shower for the fourth day (I know, this is embarrassing and dirty, but at this point in my life it could happen that I don't have the energy to wash for two days, but the vast majority of the time I stick to at least one shower every two days). That morning on the bus, I see signs that maybe, I do smell, but still subtle enough that I could convince myself that I was just imagining things because I was expecting to smell bad. Once at the hospital, while waiting with the other students, they comment soon after I arrive that they smell "waves of a cigarette smell" (I don't smoke btw), which they attributed to the fact people on break smoked outside and the ventilation brought the smell inside. I couldn't see any ventilation in the room, but I was semi-convinced and the subject didn't come up again. We had the exam (I did okay-ish, clearly not worth the effort of not sleeping), and I went home to finally take a shower and change my clothes.
I thought that was it. I went to uni for a group project in the afternoon, and on my way home, again, signs that I may smell bad. The man sitting in front of me had his scarf up his nose. I was mortified and went home running. I decided that maybe it was my clothes, especially my jacket that I hadn't washed since a while. I put it in the washing machine.
Next morning, I take a shower, put on fresh clothes, including the washed jacket and different shoes. But it happens again, on the bus and at work. Mind, it's still subtle enough that I'm still considering I've gone paranoid — especially since I didn't smell a thing. Apart from the man with his scarf, there was no clear sign. Just people walking up the aisle then changing their mind, them sitting next to me less frequently than usual, and the sound of sniffing. But I wanted to be prudent.
Same as the day before, I had a group project that afternoon. I went home at noon and took another shower, and I noticed I had a bit of build up in my earlobe piercing (thay I did 2-3 months ago), and it looked a bit red. I thought that maybe it was infected and that was causing the smell, so I elected to go to the piercing place and have them take a look as they had advised me.
I couldn't get there. On the bus, people were clearly awkward. They went up the aisle then spun around. Someone was about to sit next to me before he stood up again. A teenager got on the bus and clearly said "It stinks". I couldn't take it anymore and got off, and hid in a public park, on the verge of tears. I went home walking. I wasn't going to live that humiliation again.
As soon as I was home, I broke down. I cried all evening and just wanted to die. I already had kinda suicidal thoughts before, but more in a "I wouldn't mind if I died" way. That evening, I actively looked up ways to off myself, and even came up with a clear plan. Just smelling bad, while embarrassing, might seem pretty innocuous (although when you can't find the reason it does get pretty maddening). But as I said at the beginning, I was already in a pretty dark place, and this was more like the last straw after a long list of blows to my mental health. Even now, I'm still pretty suicidal.
I still tried to solve the issue. There are four main possible reasons : - I'm paranoid and lost my mind. I think it is unlikely. While I didn't smell anything at all, the signs were too obvious and COVID probably fucked up my sense of smell anyway. It's unlikely that is the root of this problem, but now I will definitely constantly be paranoid of my odour. This will do wonders to my mental health. - Personal hygiene. The showers didn't solve this. But I now take between one and two showers a day. And my piercings have nothing abnormal anymore. - Clothes. Changing and washing clothes didn't do a thing. The only article of clothing that escaped all this was my backpack, that I bought a month ago. So the culprit is either my backpack, my detergent or my washing machine. I read online that it could grow mold, and I didn't see nor smell anything of the sort except a bit of dust and hair. Still cleaned everything though. - My home / environment. Probably the most likely. I clean where I live, but probably not as often as I should. I tend to let things accumulate until the last possible moment, always on the edge of what is acceptable. For example I had garbage bags sitting in my kitchen for a week, but I wasn't about to let them stew to two weeks. You can probably guess how hard it can be to just clean when you're depressed.
So this weekend, I cleaned everything. I ordered groceries online as I wasn't about to step a foot outside. When I say I cleaned everything, I mean everything. I took out everything in my drawers, cleaned inside, and then put it back all in order. I put all my clothes, even the clean ones, in the laundry basket and am in the process of washing them all. I cleaned the inside of the washing machine, and bought a new detergent. I did the dishes, cleaned the toilets, took out the trash, sweeped and scrubbed the floor and changed the bedsheets. When I say I cleaned everywhere, I mean everywhere. I bought a new deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, and lit scented candles and opened the windows for far too long. I also ordered new clothes and new shoes, just in case.
I must admit, it feels good to live somewhere clean again. But I'm still deeply anxious it will happen again. I dread stepping outside, going back to the hospital. It would absolutely crush me if despite everything, whatever everyone seems to smell but I can't is still there. I'm this close to commit to my other, definitive solution. I plan on skipping going tomorrow, but I can't reasonably do this forever. Even if I manage it, I fear that the anxiety will never disappear. This is my new phobia. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what advice could I get. I can't talk about this to my friends, I will appear either as mad or dirty, and probably both. I should definitely go see a therapist or a doctor, but how can I even go outside in the first place? This is killing me, quite possibly literally.
But yeah, I'm asking anyway. Do you have any idea where that smell could come from, something I might have overlooked? And how the fuck can I overcome that fear of going outside? How can I manage living with that anxiety while my life was already a shit show before this happened to me?
submitted by EliseThrowawayy to Advice [link] [comments]
Okay so for a bit of context, I (20F) was already in a pretty dark place before all of this happened. I'm a med student, which is enough to break some already, and a little more than a year ago, I realized I was trans (MtF) and began my transition. My family being muslim and hence homophobic/transphobic, I no longer have any contact with them and live alone. I have three close friends, but it's really hard seeing them (we see each other once every two months). So yeah I was already pretty depressed, and on top of that I developed what I suspect is Body Dysmorphic Disorder in relation to my gender dysphoria (I can spend hours obsessing in front of a mirror on bad days) and some mild eating disorder. And I'm failing classes, obviously.
But you know, I still had hope. I could retake the year, work this summer to pay for FFS, and I was motivated to get help from my doctor about my depressive state and see a therapist.
One morning last week, I had an exam at the hospital. I spent all night reviewing the material, slept very little, and come morning I skipped taking a shower for the fourth day (I know, this is embarrassing and dirty, but at this point in my life it could happen that I don't have the energy to wash for two days, but the vast majority of the time I stick to at least one shower every two days). That morning on the bus, I see signs that maybe, I do smell, but still subtle enough that I could convince myself that I was just imagining things because I was expecting to smell bad. Once at the hospital, while waiting with the other students, they comment soon after I arrive that they smell "waves of a cigarette smell" (I don't smoke btw), which they attributed to the fact people on break smoked outside and the ventilation brought the smell inside. I couldn't see any ventilation in the room, but I was semi-convinced and the subject didn't come up again. We had the exam (I did okay-ish, clearly not worth the effort of not sleeping), and I went home to finally take a shower and change my clothes.
I thought that was it. I went to uni for a group project in the afternoon, and on my way home, again, signs that I may smell bad. The man sitting in front of me had his scarf up his nose. I was mortified and went home running. I decided that maybe it was my clothes, especially my jacket that I hadn't washed since a while. I put it in the washing machine.
Next morning, I take a shower, put on fresh clothes, including the washed jacket and different shoes. But it happens again, on the bus and at work. Mind, it's still subtle enough that I'm still considering I've gone paranoid — especially since I didn't smell a thing. Apart from the man with his scarf, there was no clear sign. Just people walking up the aisle then changing their mind, them sitting next to me less frequently than usual, and the sound of sniffing. But I wanted to be prudent.
Same as the day before, I had a group project that afternoon. I went home at noon and took another shower, and I noticed I had a bit of build up in my earlobe piercing (thay I did 2-3 months ago), and it looked a bit red. I thought that maybe it was infected and that was causing the smell, so I elected to go to the piercing place and have them take a look as they had advised me.
I couldn't get there. On the bus, people were clearly awkward. They went up the aisle then spun around. Someone was about to sit next to me before he stood up again. A teenager got on the bus and clearly said "It stinks". I couldn't take it anymore and got off, and hid in a public park, on the verge of tears. I went home walking. I wasn't going to live that humiliation again.
As soon as I was home, I broke down. I cried all evening and just wanted to die. I already had kinda suicidal thoughts before, but more in a "I wouldn't mind if I died" way. That evening, I actively looked up ways to off myself, and even came up with a clear plan. Just smelling bad, while embarrassing, might seem pretty innocuous (although when you can't find the reason it does get pretty maddening). But as I said at the beginning, I was already in a pretty dark place, and this was more like the last straw after a long list of blows to my mental health. Even now, I'm still pretty suicidal.
I still tried to solve the issue. There are four main possible reasons : - I'm paranoid and lost my mind. I think it is unlikely. While I didn't smell anything at all, the signs were too obvious and COVID probably fucked up my sense of smell anyway. It's unlikely that is the root of this problem, but now I will definitely constantly be paranoid of my odour. This will do wonders to my mental health. - Personal hygiene. The showers didn't solve this. But I now take between one and two showers a day. And my piercings have nothing abnormal anymore. - Clothes. Changing and washing clothes didn't do a thing. The only article of clothing that escaped all this was my backpack, that I bought a month ago. So the culprit is either my backpack, my detergent or my washing machine. I read online that it could grow mold, and I didn't see nor smell anything of the sort except a bit of dust and hair. Still cleaned everything though. - My home / environment. Probably the most likely. I clean where I live, but probably not as often as I should. I tend to let things accumulate until the last possible moment, always on the edge of what is acceptable. For example I had garbage bags sitting in my kitchen for a week, but I wasn't about to let them stew to two weeks. You can probably guess how hard it can be to just clean when you're depressed.
So this weekend, I cleaned everything. I ordered groceries online as I wasn't about to step a foot outside. When I say I cleaned everything, I mean everything. I took out everything in my drawers, cleaned inside, and then put it back all in order. I put all my clothes, even the clean ones, in the laundry basket and am in the process of washing them all. I cleaned the inside of the washing machine, and bought a new detergent. I did the dishes, cleaned the toilets, took out the trash, sweeped and scrubbed the floor and changed the bedsheets. When I say I cleaned everywhere, I mean everywhere. I bought a new deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, and lit scented candles and opened the windows for far too long. I also ordered new clothes and new shoes, just in case.
I must admit, it feels good to live somewhere clean again. But I'm still deeply anxious it will happen again. I dread stepping outside, going back to the hospital. It would absolutely crush me if despite everything, whatever everyone seems to smell but I can't is still there. I'm this close to commit to my other, definitive solution. I plan on skipping going tomorrow, but I can't reasonably do this forever. Even if I manage it, I fear that the anxiety will never disappear. This is my new phobia. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what advice could I get. I can't talk about this to my friends, I will appear either as mad or dirty, and probably both. I should definitely go see a therapist or a doctor, but how can I even go outside in the first place? This is killing me, quite possibly literally.
But yeah, I'm asking anyway. Do you have any idea where that smell could come from, something I might have overlooked? And how the fuck can I overcome that fear of going outside? How can I manage living with that anxiety while my life was already a shit show before this happened to me?
2024.04.28 23:43 PettyTatortot Am I the A-hole for ‘almost ruining a friendship’ with my ex friend group
This is going to be a long one to strap in! So this whole thing happened last year. My ATT Gf (let’s call her Billie) and I had been dating for 7 months, I met her through our mutual friend Crayon. Crayon had a crush on Billie before we started dating “but not anymore”. But me and Crayon were good friends. And I joined there friend group and that’s how I met Billie. I’m a very paranoid person and just got out of a relationship with another person named K who was a JERK (they will become important). So when my mental health got worse I would ask if Billie was cheating or lying to me. She would always say no and me being a gullible person I believed her. Anyways at the beginning of school we would wait inside the French room for school to start with some others of the friend group, Crayon and another girl we’ll call drum. So let’s take a sec to talk about the drama of crushes with Billie,Crayon,and Drum. Crayon “used to” have a crush on Billie, and now has a huge crush on Drum. Billie “used to” have a crush on Crayon and Drum. Drum ‘used to’ have a crush on Billie and ATT had a crush on another girl. So back to the French room. Every morning Billie, Crayon, and Drums, but most of the time Crayon and Drums would step out of the room to talk, and I wasn’t aloud to join in the convo. Every day I would ask what they were talking about and Billie would say “oh it’s nothing don’t worry.” But I worried of course. After months of this Crayon finally let it slip what they were talking about. They were talking about how I should break up with Billie. Yes you read that right, not Billie should break up with me, that I should. I saw Crayon and Drums as my friends and it hurt a lot. The next day at school only Drums was there so I decided to take them outside and yelled at them about it. I know I shouldn’t have done it but I was mad. Later that day I apologized profusely to Drums but they had already told the entire group. I was then forced to break up with Billie, and Billie yelled at me “You almost ruined our friendship by your lies!”. They said I was lying about them taking behind my back (they still stand by that to this day). My mental health plummeted and I TW. Tried to take my own life at school. I was sent to a Physic-ward and I was getting better. Until I got a phone call. I got a call from another kid in the friend group Z, but it wasn’t Z it was Billie. Billie just yelled at me, I didn’t even know what she was saying it was just loud. I hung up not even saying goodbye. BUT IT DOESNT END THERE! I got another call, from Crayon. Crayon told me that Billie and K had become friends and started to many rumors literally as soon as I stepped in the hospital, they were really really bad ones. I could go on and on about my convos with Crayon at the hospital but this is really long. Next year (rn) I’m back in school, I lost so many friends, and my mental health broke. They still call themselves the victims and act like they never did anything. A lot happened but they still affect me. As an example I made new friends this year but they were also friends with that friend group which was fine I didn’t care UNTIL. I started getting close close to one of those friends let’s call her C. Billie found out and told her mom that I SA her last year. I didn’t tho she just wanted to have me and C separated. Billie’s mom told C’s mom that i did that and it ruined our relationship and I’m not even allowed to say a word to C. Now I have lost another friend I loved because of Billie. So yeah let’s just say my heart is broken and I want to punch Billie in her stupid face. (Oh fun fact Billie also would make fun of my interests and would force me to lie that I liked that things she liked)
submitted by PettyTatortot to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
2024.04.28 23:42 psicorabbit96 Advice needed
So I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 2022 and I have been taking the antipsychotic invega with a monthly injection ever since. I hate it. It feels like life is bland and boring and I only feel negative emotions.. I want to stop the medication but my family doesnt want me to stop it. Im 28 and I have been looking for a job for a year so that I can earn money and move out but I Just havent found a job. I tell my doctora and family that I feel really bad taking the medication but they all dismiss it and they say that Im doing fine. I cant take this poison for another month and Im thinking about going away and never coming back.
Plus when I tell doctors that I feel bad they start talking about giving me antidepressants and I Just want to punch them in the face for trying to give me even more medication. I remember how I used to see life without medication and I miss it.. I miss how life was full of color and what People said used to matter to me and it had more impact, things and people were way more interesting.. now everything is Just pointless.
Do I leave my family? If I choose to go away I Will be homeless but at least I guess life Will have meaning again
submitted by psicorabbit96 to schizophrenia [link] [comments]
Plus when I tell doctors that I feel bad they start talking about giving me antidepressants and I Just want to punch them in the face for trying to give me even more medication. I remember how I used to see life without medication and I miss it.. I miss how life was full of color and what People said used to matter to me and it had more impact, things and people were way more interesting.. now everything is Just pointless.
Do I leave my family? If I choose to go away I Will be homeless but at least I guess life Will have meaning again
2024.04.28 23:32 Sacred_Community Third Eye Meditation Activation Technique.
Greetings, Meditators,
I'd like to share with you an easy-to-follow meditation technique that I learned during my studies in the Himalayas. I incorporate this practice into all my workshops and courses, and those who have learned it from me have found it to be effective and simple to integrate into their routines. (I suggest once a week to begin with)
Before we delve into the technique, please take a moment to read the information below.
Firstly, the Third Eye corresponds to the sixth Chakra, known as the Ajna Chakra.
For the purpose of this discussion, we can consider the state of chakra’s as either balanced or imbalanced (I will use these straightforward terms).
When the Ajna Chakra is out of balance, one may experience the following symptoms:
Additionally, it's worth noting that diet and environment can impact the Ajna Chakra (I won't delve into details here).
So, what are the symptoms of a balanced Ajna Chakra?
Trataka, in Sanskrit means “to look” or “to gaze”, this is an ancient practice of meditation that involves focusing the eyes on an external object.
How do we practice Trataka
Note: This is practice best done in the evening, I suggest in the evening so that you can rest the eyes after this meditation. It is not ideal to to practice this meditation and then go and read or look at a screen. It should be quiet and less lighting with either natural light of artificial light.
Environment: It should be quiet and little lighting, both natural or artificial
submitted by Sacred_Community to u/Sacred_Community [link] [comments]
I'd like to share with you an easy-to-follow meditation technique that I learned during my studies in the Himalayas. I incorporate this practice into all my workshops and courses, and those who have learned it from me have found it to be effective and simple to integrate into their routines. (I suggest once a week to begin with)
Before we delve into the technique, please take a moment to read the information below.
Firstly, the Third Eye corresponds to the sixth Chakra, known as the Ajna Chakra.
For the purpose of this discussion, we can consider the state of chakra’s as either balanced or imbalanced (I will use these straightforward terms).
When the Ajna Chakra is out of balance, one may experience the following symptoms:
- Anxiety and Depression
- Difficulty in focusing and concentrating
- Lack of intuition
- Difficulty in making clear decisions
- Overthinking and excessive mental chatter
- Lack of purpose or meaning in life
Additionally, it's worth noting that diet and environment can impact the Ajna Chakra (I won't delve into details here).
So, what are the symptoms of a balanced Ajna Chakra?
- Enhanced ability to manifest and experience flow in life
- Leading more from the heart rather than the mind
- Ability to envision and plan for the future
- Trusting your intuition and inner knowing
- A sense of purpose in life
- Openness to life and reduced judgment
- Improved ability to focus and concentrate (for example, having more effective daily meditation practices)
- Glaucoma or any kind of sensitivity with the eyes
- Epileptics
- This exercise is not suitable for people with – schizophrenia or those experience hallucinations.
Trataka, in Sanskrit means “to look” or “to gaze”, this is an ancient practice of meditation that involves focusing the eyes on an external object.
How do we practice Trataka
Note: This is practice best done in the evening, I suggest in the evening so that you can rest the eyes after this meditation. It is not ideal to to practice this meditation and then go and read or look at a screen. It should be quiet and less lighting with either natural light of artificial light.
Environment: It should be quiet and little lighting, both natural or artificial
- Posture: Sit in a posture that extends the spine. I suggest Swastikasana. Relax the arms.
- Prepare: a table, and place it 2 feet in front of you, and place a candle on the table, the flame should be at eye level.
- Candle: Place a candle on the table, the flame at eye level, light the candle. Flame is to be steady, so ensure there is no breeze.
- Begin: Close the eyes and spend 2-3 minutes with the eyes closed, while focusing on the centre in between the eyebrows. (Ajna Chakra) or breath.
- Gaze: Open the eyes, and begin gazing at candle flame, there is no blinking while gazing, just stare into the flame. Gaze into the flame intently. Continue to gaze at the flame until you cannot keep your eyes open, tears may start flowing (some people experience both eyes, some just the right or left) Once you need to blink, close the eyes for 30 seconds and focus on the centre in between the eyebrows. (Ajna Chakra). Open your eyes and continue to gaze at the flame and repeat.
- Still: Be still throughout the practice, keep the body still, and fix the gaze in one spot on the flame. If any thoughts arise, just return to centre, do not engage with thoughts.
- Continue: Continue these steps 2-20 rounds. If you're new to meditation practices then start with 10 - 15 minutes.
- Relax: Release after practicing, lay down in shavasana with the eyes close and rest the eyes.
- Calms the mind and body.
- Improves eyesight and vision, concentration and memory.
- Improves work efficiency and productivity.
- Improves clarity in decision-making ability.
- Improves intuition.
2024.04.28 23:22 bloombooo 19 year old with possible AGP(?) here, I feel like I have worsening dysphoria but it feels rooted in fetishism and misogyny and I don't know what to do
the reason I call myself "agp" (even though I dont believe in the typology 100%) is because of how I first found out about about trans stuff. I was always kinda masculine as a kid (with some small feminine mannerisms that were mostly caused by my autism, you know like the hand stuff and all that) and I never really cared for traditionally "feminine" things.
Ever since I was a kid (like 6) I always had a "fascination" (that eventually turned into a fetish because duh) with transformation stuff in cartoons. I don't really know where and why I was so weirdly obsessed with it but it just was (dont have any trauma btw). However it always leaned into stuff like turning into animals and whatever and never leaned into feminization or TG. That was until I found deviantart in my very early teens that I found out about TG stuff which I got really obsessed with. however I eventually weaned off of it and started liking transformation stuff where the character was already a woman because I didn't like self inserting as a man even if said "man" was being turned into a woman (funny, I know). I basically never watched or was interested in porn at all and only really read deviantart/furaffinity captions and stories (even now)
When I finally did start watching porn it was either lesbian stuff or straight trans stuff. I only really liked the more amateur stuff that was more intimate and I absolutely hated the more extreme "normal" porn because I hated the idea of actually having sex with anybody, male or female even though im bi.
All of this eventually lead to me finding out about trans spaces online and thats where I found out transitioning which is something ive been aware of ever since I was 14. I was initially very enthusiastic when I found out about it but after falling down some transphobic rabbitholes I returned to feeling indifferent about it. Now that im going through a "second puberty" Ive started to feel distressed over my secondary sex characteristics and have started to get paranoid about things like my bones fusing and more permanent changes
The reason I feel like its all rooted in fetishism and misoginy is because I feel like all of this is a result of a mix of unfortunate scenarios that gave me some kinda brainworms. Most of the fetish stuff I was into (and still am) is gross (shit like bimbofication for example). I really hate the idea of being a "man" but I feel like thats what I am in body, mind, and soul unlike trans people who want, no, ARE what they feel inside.
submitted by bloombooo to askAGP [link] [comments]
Ever since I was a kid (like 6) I always had a "fascination" (that eventually turned into a fetish because duh) with transformation stuff in cartoons. I don't really know where and why I was so weirdly obsessed with it but it just was (dont have any trauma btw). However it always leaned into stuff like turning into animals and whatever and never leaned into feminization or TG. That was until I found deviantart in my very early teens that I found out about TG stuff which I got really obsessed with. however I eventually weaned off of it and started liking transformation stuff where the character was already a woman because I didn't like self inserting as a man even if said "man" was being turned into a woman (funny, I know). I basically never watched or was interested in porn at all and only really read deviantart/furaffinity captions and stories (even now)
When I finally did start watching porn it was either lesbian stuff or straight trans stuff. I only really liked the more amateur stuff that was more intimate and I absolutely hated the more extreme "normal" porn because I hated the idea of actually having sex with anybody, male or female even though im bi.
All of this eventually lead to me finding out about trans spaces online and thats where I found out transitioning which is something ive been aware of ever since I was 14. I was initially very enthusiastic when I found out about it but after falling down some transphobic rabbitholes I returned to feeling indifferent about it. Now that im going through a "second puberty" Ive started to feel distressed over my secondary sex characteristics and have started to get paranoid about things like my bones fusing and more permanent changes
The reason I feel like its all rooted in fetishism and misoginy is because I feel like all of this is a result of a mix of unfortunate scenarios that gave me some kinda brainworms. Most of the fetish stuff I was into (and still am) is gross (shit like bimbofication for example). I really hate the idea of being a "man" but I feel like thats what I am in body, mind, and soul unlike trans people who want, no, ARE what they feel inside.
2024.04.28 22:42 Sacred_Community Third Eye Activation Meditation Technique
Greetings, Meditators,
I'd like to share with you an easy-to-follow meditation technique that I learned during my studies in the Himalayas. I incorporate this practice into all my workshops and courses, and those who have learned it from me have found it to be effective and simple to integrate into their routines. (I suggest once a week to begin with)
Before we delve into the technique, please take a moment to read the information below.
Firstly, the Third Eye corresponds to the sixth Chakra, known as the Ajna Chakra.
For the purpose of this discussion, we can consider the state of chakra’s as either balanced or imbalanced (I will use these straightforward terms).
When the Ajna Chakra is out of balance, one may experience the following symptoms:
Additionally, it's worth noting that diet and environment can impact the Ajna Chakra (I won't delve into details here).
So, what are the symptoms of a balanced Ajna Chakra?
Trataka, in Sanskrit means “to look” or “to gaze”, this is an ancient practice of meditation that involves focusing the eyes on an external object.
How do we practice Trataka
Note: This is practice best done in the evening, I suggest in the evening so that you can rest the eyes after this meditation. It is not ideal to to practice this meditation and then go and read or look at a screen. It should be quiet and less lighting with either natural light of artificial light.
Environment: It should be quiet and little lighting, both natural or artificial
submitted by Sacred_Community to Sacred_Community [link] [comments]
I'd like to share with you an easy-to-follow meditation technique that I learned during my studies in the Himalayas. I incorporate this practice into all my workshops and courses, and those who have learned it from me have found it to be effective and simple to integrate into their routines. (I suggest once a week to begin with)
Before we delve into the technique, please take a moment to read the information below.
Firstly, the Third Eye corresponds to the sixth Chakra, known as the Ajna Chakra.
For the purpose of this discussion, we can consider the state of chakra’s as either balanced or imbalanced (I will use these straightforward terms).
When the Ajna Chakra is out of balance, one may experience the following symptoms:
- Anxiety and Depression
- Difficulty in focusing and concentrating
- Lack of intuition
- Difficulty in making clear decisions
- Overthinking and excessive mental chatter
- Lack of purpose or meaning in life
Additionally, it's worth noting that diet and environment can impact the Ajna Chakra (I won't delve into details here).
So, what are the symptoms of a balanced Ajna Chakra?
- Enhanced ability to manifest and experience flow in life
- Leading more from the heart rather than the mind
- Ability to envision and plan for the future
- Trusting your intuition and inner knowing
- A sense of purpose in life
- Openness to life and reduced judgment
- Improved ability to focus and concentrate (for example, having more effective daily meditation practices)
- Glaucoma or any kind of sensitivity with the eyes
- Epileptics
- This exercise is not suitable for people with – schizophrenia or those experience hallucinations.
Trataka, in Sanskrit means “to look” or “to gaze”, this is an ancient practice of meditation that involves focusing the eyes on an external object.
How do we practice Trataka
Note: This is practice best done in the evening, I suggest in the evening so that you can rest the eyes after this meditation. It is not ideal to to practice this meditation and then go and read or look at a screen. It should be quiet and less lighting with either natural light of artificial light.
Environment: It should be quiet and little lighting, both natural or artificial
- Posture: Sit in a posture that extends the spine. I suggest Swastikasana. Relax the arms.
- Prepare: a table, and place it 2 feet in front of you, and place a candle on the table, the flame should be at eye level.
- Candle: Place a candle on the table, the flame at eye level, light the candle. Flame is to be steady, so ensure there is no breeze.
- Begin: Close the eyes and spend 2-3 minutes with the eyes closed, while focusing on the centre in between the eyebrows. (Ajna Chakra) or breath.
- Gaze: Open the eyes, and begin gazing at candle flame, there is no blinking while gazing, just stare into the flame. Gaze into the flame intently. Continue to gaze at the flame until you cannot keep your eyes open, tears may start flowing (some people experience both eyes, some just the right or left) Once you need to blink, close the eyes for 30 seconds and focus on the centre in between the eyebrows. (Ajna Chakra). Open your eyes and continue to gaze at the flame and repeat.
- Still: Be still throughout the practice, keep the body still, and fix the gaze in one spot on the flame. If any thoughts arise, just return to centre, do not engage with thoughts.
- Continue: Continue these steps 2-20 rounds. If you're new to meditation practices then start with 10 - 15 minutes.
- Relax: Release after practicing, lay down in shavasana with the eyes close and rest the eyes.
- Calms the mind and body.
- Improves eyesight and vision, concentration and memory.
- Improves work efficiency and productivity.
- Improves clarity in decision-making ability.
- Improves intuition.
2024.04.28 22:36 EngineeringWorldly57 Songs that talk about psychosis/schizophrenia
What are songs that talk about psychosis, schizophrenia, extreme instability, and/or insanity? For example a song that has lyrics similar to “mind playin tricks on me” by Geto Boys. Any genre recommendations are welcome
submitted by EngineeringWorldly57 to musicsuggestions [link] [comments]
2024.04.28 19:29 PeanutAnya AITA for being physically upset (frowning)
Some background information that will make sense later: -I was in charge of handling lawyers issues for my dad -I kept not replying to my friend with a definite yes or no cause I had to deal with my dads personal issues first for my mom -My mom lacks patience (she can’t wait more than 1 day for things) This story goes back to about over a year ago. So less than a year ago I lost my dad suddenly and was (still am) in the grieving stages that he is gone. One of my closest friends at the time offered to take me on a vacation this year (covering my cost) as a vacation for herself and myself. Fast forward to now we have basically 99% sealed the deal for the vacation and just needed to pay for the fees when my friend just asked a simple question of: “is it -airplane company-?” I told my mom and she immediately said “cancel the trip”. My mom is very superstitious and when she is anxious, nearby people can sense it by her reaction to things/responses becomes aggravated. I got into an argument with her about it not being a big deal but she vehemently kept telling me to cancel the trip (even going as far as bringing up the loss of my dad, the loss of a friend during c*vid -all not involving planes) she said it is a bad omen and to ask anybody and they would agree not to go (anybody being: my very paranoid relative and a friend of hers that believes Feng Shui) after using those examples she goes “do what you want” However, after saying such a thing, she will continue to barrage with superstitions that happened every few days and try to tell me not to go. Because it hasn’t been that long since my dad passed, and constant pressuring from my mom not to go, I said “I won’t go” but doesn’t mean I was happy about this. (It’s like giving you the option of “go but you will be told constantly it was the wrong choice and make her paranoia constantly there or not go and feel disappointed but she will be satisfied”) I was angry and upset. I screamed into my pillow, ripped paper in my room and was just physically upset(2 days). My mom would say “I have no right to be upset like this since I made this choice”. This rarely (happened once years ago) happens where I get this physically upset and I feel it is a mix of my grief, stress, frustration and disappointment colliding all at once and I told her “just let me be upset like this for a few days” because this is my way to release and vent the emotion. (It was too late in the evening to go for a jog when it occurred or go to a boxing club to take out my anger) She then goes arguing that “I never considered her feelings and hardships”. That I have no right to show I am upset because life isn’t fair. I purposely tried not to interact with her during that time because I knew that my anger would spike but during the instances when we pass each other, I was just frowning. No interaction, no jabs at her—just frowning. So am I the asshole for being physically this upset?
submitted by PeanutAnya to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2024.04.28 18:26 HungarianDude95 Am I an INFJ at all?
I have been into MBTI for two and a half years now. I was studying cognitive functions, and Ni-Fe-Ti-Se describes me the best.
I was a gifted kid (140 IQ) with high openness. I learned to read at the age of 3, and I have been learning languages on my own. I used to be into many things, for example drawing (comics), painting, literature, languages, music. Only music remained as an interest, but I play the guitar seldomly nowadays. I feel like something has been leeching away my energy, my openness have been decrased. I am rarely into the abstract self-expression, be it writing or speaking. Small talk bores me, though, so does communication in general sometimes. I am not the tolerant, open-minded, altruistic kid anymore. I have become bitter, skeptical, paranoid, questioning, and a little mean. Is it my severe depression? What is it? I am looking for the answer, to no avail so far.
submitted by HungarianDude95 to infj [link] [comments]
I was a gifted kid (140 IQ) with high openness. I learned to read at the age of 3, and I have been learning languages on my own. I used to be into many things, for example drawing (comics), painting, literature, languages, music. Only music remained as an interest, but I play the guitar seldomly nowadays. I feel like something has been leeching away my energy, my openness have been decrased. I am rarely into the abstract self-expression, be it writing or speaking. Small talk bores me, though, so does communication in general sometimes. I am not the tolerant, open-minded, altruistic kid anymore. I have become bitter, skeptical, paranoid, questioning, and a little mean. Is it my severe depression? What is it? I am looking for the answer, to no avail so far.
2024.04.28 18:14 SnooCupcakes780 When your ex is so crazy people stop believing in you
I’m one of those women who’s ex has done such horrific things (on top he suffers from untreated schizophrenia so in his mind he’s not doing anything that others don’t do as well) that no one believes me and if I try to talk about it - in court for example - I’m labeled psychotic.
What do I do? He has drugged me with very strong drugs, put drugs in my stuff, broken to my home numerous times and stolen things, put some lsd in my drinking water, inserted a listening device, raped me in front of out toddler, sexually abused and trafficked our son. And so on. I can’t even list everything, I’m not crazy, I have never had any symptoms and I have never had a diagnosis.
How can I make people believe me this man is seriously dangerous?
submitted by SnooCupcakes780 to domesticviolence [link] [comments]
What do I do? He has drugged me with very strong drugs, put drugs in my stuff, broken to my home numerous times and stolen things, put some lsd in my drinking water, inserted a listening device, raped me in front of out toddler, sexually abused and trafficked our son. And so on. I can’t even list everything, I’m not crazy, I have never had any symptoms and I have never had a diagnosis.
How can I make people believe me this man is seriously dangerous?
2024.04.28 18:00 kronos__mtb First time buyer Keeping it safe from possible infected files
Hey there,
I'm considering buying the DS223J as my first NAS because it's pretty cheap and I need a quick solution. Could you share your experience with it? I plan to use it to store project files, assets, pictures, etc. However, I'm a bit worried because I might have downloaded some questionable stuff from sus websites. While I don't think it's likely but I'm a bit paranoid that my files could be infected with a Trojan, keylogger, or other nasty malware.
So, I'm wondering if there's a built-in way or something similar to keep my NAS safe from these files. Also, if I upload an infected file, can it spread to other files on the NAS? For example, if I work on a Photoshop file stored on my NAS and I drag an infected file into the project, could it spread to other files? Please educate me on this; I would greatly appreciate it.
submitted by kronos__mtb to synology [link] [comments]
I'm considering buying the DS223J as my first NAS because it's pretty cheap and I need a quick solution. Could you share your experience with it? I plan to use it to store project files, assets, pictures, etc. However, I'm a bit worried because I might have downloaded some questionable stuff from sus websites. While I don't think it's likely but I'm a bit paranoid that my files could be infected with a Trojan, keylogger, or other nasty malware.
So, I'm wondering if there's a built-in way or something similar to keep my NAS safe from these files. Also, if I upload an infected file, can it spread to other files on the NAS? For example, if I work on a Photoshop file stored on my NAS and I drag an infected file into the project, could it spread to other files? Please educate me on this; I would greatly appreciate it.
2024.04.28 16:25 Top_Bag6749 I really need relationship advice! Dating after DV is so hard. 😭😅💜 Thanks!
*CW: Abuse\*
Info: I am not talking about multiple people when I say "they". My partner and I use the singular pronouns they/them as we are both nonbinary. 💜
I'm looking for advice about whether to end my relationship, take a break(/a step back?) so we can both focus on ourselves/therapy, give it more time and work on things together or whether I'm being paranoid/an idiot and to stay with them because it's really more of a me problem?
So firstly we've only been dating 4 months, but we spend almost all our time together so we know each other really well already. I've started to notice the first signs of them having manipulative tendencies though. I'm fighting back and forth with myself because my partner makes me genuinely very happy 99% of the time but I've been in abusive relationships in the past, and while my current partner is at least in therapy and actually trying to work on themselves, I'm scared and tempted to just get out now before things have a chance to turn toxic.
(One of my previous abusive relationships was a 7 year marriage and it started with small red flags that I was too uneducated about abuse to recognize at the time and ended with me finally leaving because I was afraid for my/my dogs lives so yea... I really cant handle going through that ever again).
My partner and I get along really well, we're two nerdy goofballs and we spend most of our time laughing together, and *most* of the time we actually communicate very effectively. Recently I have noticed small things though (and I don't think they know they do it), but like guilt tripping me into doing things instead of just asking. They also seem to be unable to take responsibility for themself (they are *43*) and seem to expect me to handle all important things for them. They seem to have a lot of expectations of me which I am not aware of and then when I don't meet those expectations I think they feel hurt because they get upset with me and that is often when I feel like they are trying to manipulate me.
An example is they really want a dog and I said I would help them with the application because they say they suck at filling stuff out (which is like okay I'm fine helping out my partner) but then they never communicated specifics/when and actually just expected *me* to do it and then when I didn't because I didn't know that was what they wanted they spent all day acting huffy and not answering when I asked repeatedly what's wrong and then later made a dramatic show of starting the application by themself and when I again asked what's wrong they said "Well I wanted help with this but..." in a bitchy tone and then tossed their phone on the bed and acted all annoyed. I tried to communicate about the issue but it just felt like we were going around in circles and I felt confused by the end of it like I don't even know what happened in that conversation anymore. I can't tell if the confusion is because I have cognitive issues or because of manipulation but it makes me afraid that they could be causing me to question my own reality and I just don't know it yet.
One other thing that sometimes kinda bothers me is I feel like I can't take alone time that I need as an introvert. I haven't communicated this because I feel like they'll say I'm being ridiculous and to take my space but then text me an hour or two later because they are having a mental breakdown again (this has happened twice in the past).
For the most part they are amazing though, they respect my random quirky trauma based boundaries, where others in the past haven't, so this feels amazing to me. They appreciate my help and make sure I know it (especially with their mental health/getting them into therapy), they love and treat my dog great, they are always willing to help me with things when I ask and even do things for me when I dont ask (I have disabilities and I can do the stuff but it costs me 10 times more energy to do it than most). Also tmi but they are GOD level during physical intimacy.
Am I just being overly cautious/paranoid about these behaviours because of my past and I need to try communicating more/differently, should I take a step back and give them more time to work on things in therapy or should I just get the heck out now??? I really feel both like it is too early to just give up but also like I could be dodging a huge bullet? Thanks y'all 💜🫂💜
P.s. I'm worried about leaving because they get suicidal whenever something majorly stressful happens and I really do love them and don't want them to get hurt (they haven't threatened suicide or anything in way of trying to manipulate me with it - this is just my own fear).
Pps. Sorry for my run on sentences and bad English (I am a native speaker, I'm just shit at it LOL). 😅
submitted by Top_Bag6749 to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]
Info: I am not talking about multiple people when I say "they". My partner and I use the singular pronouns they/them as we are both nonbinary. 💜
I'm looking for advice about whether to end my relationship, take a break(/a step back?) so we can both focus on ourselves/therapy, give it more time and work on things together or whether I'm being paranoid/an idiot and to stay with them because it's really more of a me problem?
So firstly we've only been dating 4 months, but we spend almost all our time together so we know each other really well already. I've started to notice the first signs of them having manipulative tendencies though. I'm fighting back and forth with myself because my partner makes me genuinely very happy 99% of the time but I've been in abusive relationships in the past, and while my current partner is at least in therapy and actually trying to work on themselves, I'm scared and tempted to just get out now before things have a chance to turn toxic.
(One of my previous abusive relationships was a 7 year marriage and it started with small red flags that I was too uneducated about abuse to recognize at the time and ended with me finally leaving because I was afraid for my/my dogs lives so yea... I really cant handle going through that ever again).
My partner and I get along really well, we're two nerdy goofballs and we spend most of our time laughing together, and *most* of the time we actually communicate very effectively. Recently I have noticed small things though (and I don't think they know they do it), but like guilt tripping me into doing things instead of just asking. They also seem to be unable to take responsibility for themself (they are *43*) and seem to expect me to handle all important things for them. They seem to have a lot of expectations of me which I am not aware of and then when I don't meet those expectations I think they feel hurt because they get upset with me and that is often when I feel like they are trying to manipulate me.
An example is they really want a dog and I said I would help them with the application because they say they suck at filling stuff out (which is like okay I'm fine helping out my partner) but then they never communicated specifics/when and actually just expected *me* to do it and then when I didn't because I didn't know that was what they wanted they spent all day acting huffy and not answering when I asked repeatedly what's wrong and then later made a dramatic show of starting the application by themself and when I again asked what's wrong they said "Well I wanted help with this but..." in a bitchy tone and then tossed their phone on the bed and acted all annoyed. I tried to communicate about the issue but it just felt like we were going around in circles and I felt confused by the end of it like I don't even know what happened in that conversation anymore. I can't tell if the confusion is because I have cognitive issues or because of manipulation but it makes me afraid that they could be causing me to question my own reality and I just don't know it yet.
One other thing that sometimes kinda bothers me is I feel like I can't take alone time that I need as an introvert. I haven't communicated this because I feel like they'll say I'm being ridiculous and to take my space but then text me an hour or two later because they are having a mental breakdown again (this has happened twice in the past).
For the most part they are amazing though, they respect my random quirky trauma based boundaries, where others in the past haven't, so this feels amazing to me. They appreciate my help and make sure I know it (especially with their mental health/getting them into therapy), they love and treat my dog great, they are always willing to help me with things when I ask and even do things for me when I dont ask (I have disabilities and I can do the stuff but it costs me 10 times more energy to do it than most). Also tmi but they are GOD level during physical intimacy.
Am I just being overly cautious/paranoid about these behaviours because of my past and I need to try communicating more/differently, should I take a step back and give them more time to work on things in therapy or should I just get the heck out now??? I really feel both like it is too early to just give up but also like I could be dodging a huge bullet? Thanks y'all 💜🫂💜
P.s. I'm worried about leaving because they get suicidal whenever something majorly stressful happens and I really do love them and don't want them to get hurt (they haven't threatened suicide or anything in way of trying to manipulate me with it - this is just my own fear).
Pps. Sorry for my run on sentences and bad English (I am a native speaker, I'm just shit at it LOL). 😅
2024.04.28 14:12 AporiaParadox What are some examples of established Big 2 characters going through character development that wasn't undone later?
Marvel and DC stories are never meant to end and characters are always meant to remain in their "iconic" personalities, if they ever change they always end up going back to their "evergreen" setting eventually. Like how Batman keeps going through arcs where he learns not to be a paranoid lunatic that mistrusts everybody, only for him to forget all about it when the next writer comes along and he has to learn his lesson all over again. Or the most common example: heroes who break bad eventually go back to being good, and villains who reform usually go back to their villainous ways.
But sometimes the changes made to an established character actually end up sticking in the long-term. For example, Loki before his "death" in Siege and the Loki after his rebirth are very different personality-wise, and this is actually brought up in-universe. Loki is no longer a pure evil villain with selfish goals, but a more complex character who does tricky things but for what he believes is the greater good and he actually cares about his brother and Asgard instead of loathing them out of petty jealousy. Part of this could also be MCU synergy, but his character development made sense in the comics and actually stuck.
Eddie Brock similarly is absolutely nothing like what he was back in his first appearance as Venom, a jerk who hated Spider-Man for the dumbest of reasons, and he's also evolved quite a lot since his "Lethal Protector" days.
Flash Thompson started out as a bully jock whose only redeeming quality was that he was a Spider-Man fan, but eventually joined the army and actually became friends with Peter. And of course, he changed forever once he became Agent Venom and later Anti-Venom.
Nova/Richard Rider went from a teen hero and later young adult in the vein of Spider-Man, to a battle-hardened cosmic war hero. Similar things happen to a lot of former teen heroes I've noticed.
And pretty much every female character Stan Lee ever created eventually became more independent and assertive when later writers came along.
What are some other examples of character development that actually stuck long-term?
submitted by AporiaParadox to comicbooks [link] [comments]
But sometimes the changes made to an established character actually end up sticking in the long-term. For example, Loki before his "death" in Siege and the Loki after his rebirth are very different personality-wise, and this is actually brought up in-universe. Loki is no longer a pure evil villain with selfish goals, but a more complex character who does tricky things but for what he believes is the greater good and he actually cares about his brother and Asgard instead of loathing them out of petty jealousy. Part of this could also be MCU synergy, but his character development made sense in the comics and actually stuck.
Eddie Brock similarly is absolutely nothing like what he was back in his first appearance as Venom, a jerk who hated Spider-Man for the dumbest of reasons, and he's also evolved quite a lot since his "Lethal Protector" days.
Flash Thompson started out as a bully jock whose only redeeming quality was that he was a Spider-Man fan, but eventually joined the army and actually became friends with Peter. And of course, he changed forever once he became Agent Venom and later Anti-Venom.
Nova/Richard Rider went from a teen hero and later young adult in the vein of Spider-Man, to a battle-hardened cosmic war hero. Similar things happen to a lot of former teen heroes I've noticed.
And pretty much every female character Stan Lee ever created eventually became more independent and assertive when later writers came along.
What are some other examples of character development that actually stuck long-term?
2024.04.28 13:28 Rude_Economist9099 How to treat ADHD comorbid w/ Schizophrenia?
I was diagnosed with ADHD (Primarily Inattentive) at age 14. At around 19 I developed Schizophrenia/Schizophrenia (I’m officially labeled as having “Unspecified Schizophrenia” but suffer from Depression so I’m assuming it’s technically considered Schizoaffective Disorder?).
Last time my psych let me try a small dose of Adderall it didn’t go well. It made me very paranoid and increased my hyper vigilance substantially.
I’m currently not on treatment for Schizophrenia but may consider it in the future. My psych thinks that I’m doing okay as it is.
I would however like to treat my ADD as I feel like it holds me back in many ways.
Do you guys have any recommendations? Thank you
submitted by Rude_Economist9099 to AskPsychiatry [link] [comments]
Last time my psych let me try a small dose of Adderall it didn’t go well. It made me very paranoid and increased my hyper vigilance substantially.
I’m currently not on treatment for Schizophrenia but may consider it in the future. My psych thinks that I’m doing okay as it is.
I would however like to treat my ADD as I feel like it holds me back in many ways.
Do you guys have any recommendations? Thank you
2024.04.28 09:47 Errorsbbg404 Can you heal/check a bots health in Fortnite?
I’m specifically talking about zero build, I was wondering if you could heal a bot. (By bot i mean the npc’s you can hire, for example the Poseidon ncp at reckless railways) I see that the bots start to glitch (the pixels around them) when they get hurt, I also see that a tiny green plus appears when I either throw a chug splash or use flowberry fizz around them when their glitching. I’m not sure if you can check a bots health but I think I’m helping them??? Please tell me if im wasting my shields.
submitted by Errorsbbg404 to FortNiteBR [link] [comments]
2024.04.28 07:07 Stivonniewolfy0 Chapter 145 discussion
 | https://preview.redd.it/eo75sux1l5xc1.png?width=411&format=png&auto=webp&s=5671a03f5f04aecdea12d6e075a7b6086607469a submitted by Stivonniewolfy0 to yeonwoosinnocence [link] [comments] All right so before we start this off can we just marvel at how amazing it is that so many new people have joined this subreddit!? We've got 700+ new people! I remember when it was like 500 and none of them would post a thing and now we get a few posts every other day that is so amazing! I'm so happy that you have so many new people who love this series. To all your newcomers welcome we hope that you enjoy your stay here and enjoy the masterpiece that is Yeonwoo's Innocence. Now with that out of the way let's get into this chapter and my regular essay-long rants!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ First of all, let's just praise Esol for how much better her art style has gotten over the years, especially her expressions! The way Junhyuk looks as he is talking to the trash that will not be named it's just amazing. The utterly dead look in his eyes. The blood smeared all over his face and clothing. The horror, boredom, and disgust that you can feel off of the screen as he talks down to this human feces as he is beaten and bruised is just immaculate and I will forever sing Esol's praises in every single review that I'm going to make because of how amazing her art style has become. The expressions and the detail are just so good I can rave about that alone. Also ALL HAIL JUNHYUK FOR PUTTING THAT MAN IN HIS PLACE!!! I needed this bastard to get beaten to a pulp so badly and to have the icing on the cake that Junhyuk not only decimated him (while being a so-called cripple mind you) but he has taken pictures of the bastard that shall not be named in such a vulnerable position… The way my mouth hung open when I read him blackmailing this man! I was left gagged and ecstatic. I have never been prouder in my life!!! I wanted this so bad and got it so good. The way the page is shaded when he is saying his last words to the trash that will not be named THAT RIGHT THERE is SUCH a cold-ass panel. Everything about that radiates disturbing and unimaginable levels of fucked up but it's amazing! What makes it better is the way that it is implied that Junhyuk marred the bastard's face in some way with that pan of the camera to the glass shard!!! I already know something is going to happen in the future because knowing Esol and the mastermind this woman is she wouldn’t put a panel like that and not have it mean something. I love how she adds bits of foreshadowing to elude to what is going to happen in the future out in plain sight, it’s so good and such a fun game to play when I go back and reread the series for the umpteenth time. I'm terrified for when the human equivalent of cow dung comes back because we all know better. It may seem like everything is “okay” now and resolved when it comes to the middle school bully situation but it is not. We all know he's going to come back cuz he's insane. This man is a psychopath and psychopaths wouldn’t know the words leave us alone if it slapped them across the face. If you beat him up he will come back and try again. This man got beaten by a cripple and even pissed himself it may be sweet revenge for us but he's going to come back and do something atrocious. I know he is and I'm anticipating when that happens because we already know Haesol is going to be involved, but that is an essay for another day. (Let's all pray for our hearts because we already know Esol is going to rip that shreds and then feed it to a cow for it to s*** it out) And as is typical with Esol and her amazing storytelling of course there's nuance after the scene. The fact that Junhyuk does not feel happy or even a bit of satisfaction from what he did does show that he is such a good person. It also shows how messed up his mental state was at this moment and I love how every artistic choice that was made in the next few panels that was done to show it. The black of the panels that indicate this is a flashback not only helps to show how bad his mental state was at the time and probably still is but it also adds to that air of unease. This is a chapter where we finally understand how deeply that comment of “you and Yeonwoo are not normal” really hurt him. Because not only has everyone been telling him this but his recent actions of him beating up his bully are somewhat affirming this. It is ruining him because he feels as though there's nothing else he can do and he's right in a way. In a situation like this, there are so many factors that come into play as to why he cannot do anything. The police will not help you because when it comes to bullying and Korean laws regarding that everything is so messy and nothing is ever really done. The adults cannot do a thing because that bully's parents are probably rich, which is probably why he is allowed to get away with everything that he does. That little conversation that Junhyuk and the trash that will not be named had about him suing Junhyuk already hints at that. They cannot tell their parents because Yeonwoo will not allow Junhyuk to tell his parents what happened because of the mental scarring that incident did to him. It really is a trapped situation, there are so many outside and internal factors that are preventing them from doing anything, and the fact that this is what Junhyuk feels like he needs to do to protect his best friend and himself is honestly understandable. With everything that has happened between them is however going to take a toll on his mental health. His grappling with the fact that he did that is honestly just a sign of how good of a person this guy is. What he did was honestly probably not as bad as what that guy did to Yeonwoo but it has mentally scarred him. Junhyuk knows that. Junhyuk knows that but he still feels bad, he still has his morals about him, even in a situation where he is 100% in the right and the panel where he is looking at himself in the mirror and he sees himself is actually kind of heartbreaking. The mental and emotional trauma that he has been carrying this entire time is so heavy that you can see how tired, how scared, and how confused he is from that expression alone. This chapter also goes a lot deeper into Junhyuk's side of codependency in a way that is so compelling. He cares for Yeonwoo we know that but when Junhyuk said he told Yeonwoo what he did in the infirmary to keep him by his side I automatically drew parallels to when Yeonwoo was going to “jump” and kill himself. The intention of hurting yourself to scare the other or display pure terror in order to keep the other close to you is a theme with these two and it just shows how tied they are to each other. When Yeonwoo threatened to jump and Junhyuk saved him that look of terror at the realization that his best friend was going to die was the same one Yeonwoo wor when Junhyuk cried to him about how what Yeonwoo was doing, getting into situations that didn’t involve him only to ultimately also get beaten up being no different from self-harm is the exact same thing Yeonwoo did. Just in different font.
It parallels Yeonwoo so well because he feels the exact same way. That moment when Yeownoo is going to Haesol’s house and he asks Junhyuk if he is coming along when Junhyuk says no and leaves him and Nari to go YW himself at that moment is uneasy. Not at the idea of being at his girlfriend's house but because Junhyuk wouldn’t normally do that. Normally Junhyuk would come along and watch Yeonwoo like a hawk. That right there is an example of how both of them are scared of moving forward and how their codependent tendencies constantly enable each other. Junhyuk now realizing this is breaking. This moment is much more sad when you realize what the circumstances had to come to for him to come to that conclusion. The angst is just so good. Everything he does for Yeonwoo comes from such good intentions. Junhyuk at the end of the day sees Yeonwoo as his little brother. They have been friends since childhood, he’s seen his ups and downs and everything in between. Of course, he’s naturally protective and he cares for Yeonwoo so much. Junhyuk is willing to break up this friendship with Yeonwoo even if he knows he will be devastated by doing that. The moment just before his flashback leading to his perspective of middle school is more heartwrenching when you are actively thinking about this while reading it again. The platonic angst is actually killing me. Junhyuk essentially grappling with his humanity and with his friendship with Yeonwoo. The conclusion that he comes to that is entirely logical when you understand his trauma and the circumstances makes complete sense but it doesn't hurt any less. It still hurt leaving Yeonwoo in the middle of the night crying, and wailing as he begged Junhyuk not to leave him. I bet you Junhyuk cried heavy tears that night. This flashback was honestly great and I loved it not only did it give me the satisfaction of seeing that piece of trash get absolutely dismantled but it also, in typical Esol fashion, gave us a psychological breakdown of Junhyuk and his mental state during the moment and why he comes to the conclusion he does. Absolutely brilliant. Now on to everybody's favorite MVP NARI. Man, I love her so much she's absolutely amazing and I ship these two so hard. Nari is literally like the beacon of sunshine that we needed in this chapter because not only is she amazing at consoling Junhyuk and his whirlwind of deprecating thoughts of how horrible of a person he thinks himself to be for doing something that is honestly justified but the just subtle not so subtle closeness that these two share in this moment is just such good food omg. Especially after everything that has happened recently in the roller coaster ride that is Junhyuk and Yeonwoo reconciling. Their make-up was great but it was very unfulfilling. Nari consoling Junhyuk is something that has filled that gap of what Junhyuk and Yeonwoo’s reconciliation was supposed to be. Junhyuk and Yeonwoo reconciling was good and amazing in the moment it was coming out but it could have been better. I know that Esol made it that way for a reason as everything is with her, she is incredibly intentional with everything that she writes but I was still left unsatisfied (as is probably Esol’s intention) and this chapter healed a lot of that. This moment really solidifies how great of a friend Nari is and how in tune with her friends she is. Her ability to tell that Junhyuk is not okay and her not backing down and trying to figure out what happened to him is just top-tier friend behavior. We love her for that. Her advice is honestly great and when she tells Junhyuk that he is a good person and the trembling of his lip afterward as he cries… it's all so incredibly bittersweet. Junhyuk airing out his thoughts of regret, pain, and confusion, it's just so raw and you really feel for him. He thinks he's just scum of the earth even though what happened was completely out of his and Yeonwoo’s control and how what he did was honestly justified given the situation he was in and the context of it. I love how Nari, when she finds out that Junhyuk beat up a guy, as in really beating someone up to the point of death, doesn't berate him or judge him, no she looks at him like he is her friend because he is and gives him sound advice. She does this because she knows Junhyuk. She knows the kind of person he is and she knows that he will only ever get violent to protect those that are close to him and it touches my soul. “You are a good person Nam Junhyuk I believe that you are a good person” Never have I felt so much relief as I did when she said those words because throughout the chapter you feel the despair that Junhyuk is in and you genuinely want to tell him yourself that he is not a bad person and that the circumstances that have happened and what he did were not wrong. You want to scream and shout at your screen and tell him “You're not a bad person you were just pushed into doing a bad thing because of a piece of trash”. You just want to give him a hug and tell him it's not his fault and to have Nari do that and console him, take his hand, and say “You're not a bad person” It is just the most euphoric rush of dopamine I have had to date. And the way the sunlight is just showering our girl and making her look absolutely stunning ESOL absolutely knows how to use the setting to her advantage every. single. time. You look at Nari like the ray of sunshine she is in this moment because that is exactly what she represents. In the dark and despair that was the majority of this chapter us going through this journey of Junhyuk doubting himself, of him doubting his relationship with Yeonwoo, of him going down the spiral of self-hate and self-deprecation, her coming in and stopping that, telling him that he's a good person and reaffirming her constant claim that they are friends and that she'll be there for him and that she knows he's a good person It is that good closure that we needed after chapters of despair and it hits. so. good!!! It is just amazing and I know that there are things that I am not touching on because I feel as though there are deeper parts of this chapter that I'm missing but as of right now this chapter is honestly up there in one of my favorites. Even though it is not Yeonsol-focused, it is a chapter that does such a good job of executing the foreshadowing that has been sprinkled throughout while also giving us that satisfying conclusion to one of our beloved characters and the turmoil they have faced. The comedy tag in the series is actually hanging on by a thread because at the end of this Junhyuk saying “You are one smooth talker”, even though this scene is emotional and as we watch the tears flow down his face while he devoers his corndog and Nari patting his back while scolding him gently for eating too fast, it’s just so comical you can't help but smile. Leave it to Esol to add some light comedy at the end of a chapter like this just because. God, I love this woman This chapter was honestly great and I really liked it but yet again I say this about like every single chapter because I'm obsessed with this series. Now the next chapter through chapter 146 THAT chapter??? Best believe I'm going to go off when that essay comes along because the way that chapter is actually insane!!! Yeonsol is so BACK AND THESE TWO CAME BACK SWINGING!!! I'll try to get that analysis out tomorrow because I'm so happy that my babies are back I miss them so much. But for this chapter, we definitely got a top-tier Nari x Junhyuk moment to add to the tally because it was bittersweet, relieving, and overall light-hearted that I can't quite put into coherent words how good this chapter made me feel. |
2024.04.28 06:33 jnbailey Indescribable hallucinations as a child and now, is something wrong with me?
All my life I've had really strange but also terrifying "hallucinations", I'll call them that I guess. They would happen pretty often especially when I was younger. When I was younger the hallucinations would bring me to tears, but now I guess I've learned to cope or maybe they just aren't as instense. For example, when I was really little I remember it was almost time for me to go to sleep and suddenly everything around me started zooming in and out like my doorknob, I remember just staring at it. It was across the room but for one second it, would look/be right in front of my face, and they it would flash or zoom out like 20 feet away back and forth. My mind was racing and I couldn't stop it. Then suddenly, my bed would go from being a soft and cushiony to like I'm lying down on a rock. The best way I can describe it is, I could push down on my bed and feel that it was actually soft, but as soon as my mind drifted, it would go back to the rock feeling.
Another time, I remember waking up from a nap and the hallucinations were happening and I was trying to figure out how to cope with it because it was unbearable in a way I can't describe. So I just called my parents crying and telling them that the "thing" was happening again. Everything they said on the phone sounded super fast for some reason. As if it was on 2x speed. I was the only one home, and felt like I was going to die if the hallucinations didn't stop. I ran around my house hoping it would somehow make it stop. It didn't so I tried to ignore it and went outside to play basketball, I remember seeing my neighbor taking out his trash as I was crying shooting the basketball. I acted like nothing was wrong as tears were just falling as the basketball fell through the hoop.
I'm writing this now because I started to have one of the hallucinations again as I was doing my homework, I'm 21. I seem to be able to push the hallucination away if I notice it early. This time it was my mouth starting to feel strange, like the feeling of a weird texture that I can't describe. It's always the same feeling like the arch of my teeth is shrinking or something like that, but not painful. Again, when I focus in on the moment, I realize nothing is actually happening physically, but as soon as my mind wanders, it actualizes again in my mind uncontrollably almost. So I know it's a mental thing not physical, well at least I can feel the difference in my brain not necessarilly in my body, if that makes sense.
Along with the hallucinations as a kid, I remember having what seemed like voices in my head when I closed my eyes (I sometimes wonder if it was sleep related?) And the voice was terrifying and talking to me, alongside what seemed like a dream or image in my mind. It was pretty much always a metal slide next to a big chess/checkers board and I somehow recall the voice telling me to go down the slide which landed on the chess board, or she was just talking in my head. Yeah for some reason I remember it being a female voice, or what seemed like it. I wonder if it was some form of schizophrenia, but its only when the hallucinations I described had started or had been going for a while. All of these separate hallucinations happened more or less at the same time, or overlapping.
Anyways I was hoping maybe someone could help me understand what has been happening to me, I've never been able to find something describing this on the internet, but maybe someone else has experienced similar things and actually went to a doctor for it. Thanks for any responses! And if you have any questions to clarify something so maybe you can better diagnose this or are just curious, please ask!
submitted by jnbailey to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
Another time, I remember waking up from a nap and the hallucinations were happening and I was trying to figure out how to cope with it because it was unbearable in a way I can't describe. So I just called my parents crying and telling them that the "thing" was happening again. Everything they said on the phone sounded super fast for some reason. As if it was on 2x speed. I was the only one home, and felt like I was going to die if the hallucinations didn't stop. I ran around my house hoping it would somehow make it stop. It didn't so I tried to ignore it and went outside to play basketball, I remember seeing my neighbor taking out his trash as I was crying shooting the basketball. I acted like nothing was wrong as tears were just falling as the basketball fell through the hoop.
I'm writing this now because I started to have one of the hallucinations again as I was doing my homework, I'm 21. I seem to be able to push the hallucination away if I notice it early. This time it was my mouth starting to feel strange, like the feeling of a weird texture that I can't describe. It's always the same feeling like the arch of my teeth is shrinking or something like that, but not painful. Again, when I focus in on the moment, I realize nothing is actually happening physically, but as soon as my mind wanders, it actualizes again in my mind uncontrollably almost. So I know it's a mental thing not physical, well at least I can feel the difference in my brain not necessarilly in my body, if that makes sense.
Along with the hallucinations as a kid, I remember having what seemed like voices in my head when I closed my eyes (I sometimes wonder if it was sleep related?) And the voice was terrifying and talking to me, alongside what seemed like a dream or image in my mind. It was pretty much always a metal slide next to a big chess/checkers board and I somehow recall the voice telling me to go down the slide which landed on the chess board, or she was just talking in my head. Yeah for some reason I remember it being a female voice, or what seemed like it. I wonder if it was some form of schizophrenia, but its only when the hallucinations I described had started or had been going for a while. All of these separate hallucinations happened more or less at the same time, or overlapping.
Anyways I was hoping maybe someone could help me understand what has been happening to me, I've never been able to find something describing this on the internet, but maybe someone else has experienced similar things and actually went to a doctor for it. Thanks for any responses! And if you have any questions to clarify something so maybe you can better diagnose this or are just curious, please ask!
2024.04.28 06:21 MessyCynical no matter what i say my partner won’t listen to me
For context, me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year. He is just about 3 years older than me and just graduated.
In the beginning of our relationship we were super happy. We got together in the beginning of march last year. As anyone is, you know “the honeymoon phase.” Starting out we did have some issues. He didn’t like that i smoked or drank much. When I would be with my friends he would get super paranoid & mad when I would be intoxicated. I stopped smoking entirely & stopped seeing those friends the whole summer. I was only allowed to drink around him. & around the 4th of july i got super intoxicated. We had sex when i was blacked out & he told me afterwards i said “were you the one i fucked?” i still don’t remember anything till i had to go home. although we got past that. One time i was out with my cousin (she was someone i’d drink with a lot) & he got really upset. he texted me nonstop offensive messages. for example he said “i hope you get drunk and don’t remember who fucks you.” i was shocked. I understand that people need reassurance & i tried to give him that. though i would ignore his wishes for me to be sober. Liked I’ve had incidents where i’ve smoked & he found out & got upset with me. Before we started dating he was experienced with alcohol. he had sent me videos of him drunk when we first started talking. Also he began smoking heavily when he met me because i did. then later asked for use to quit because he didn’t want to anymore. So i seen him as very hypocritical. we got through it though. we communicated & moved forward. we were really good.
Though soon after the summer passed, it all changed. He went into college & got super distant. He began working at a beer distributor on weekends. Then he soon dropped out and got a job working in the same company as his mom. His mom makes over 200k a year at this company. he’s always been a huge mamas boy. (like he calls her at any minor convenience or tiny thing he thinks of/sees) he got a whole wardrobe change & worked everyday with these two jobs.
some more background information, he was super privileged growing up. he was handed everything to him. he has his own landscaping business since he was 13. he still lives with both of his married parents and sister. He has always had money. He has always worked for it but he’s also handed it like candy. he also spends it crazily. I was brought up completely different. I grew up where my mom worked 3 jobs to get by. she dated many guys through my childhood. she became an addict a few years ago & is currently in rehab. i took her to court at 14 years old for my aunt to get guardianship over me. he doesn’t understand how i was brought up & how it still affects me to this day. He often gets frustrated when those things bother me. or just ignores what i have to say. He never listens or will make jokes. i feel invisible. the only time he seems to love me is when im in a good mood. i’m diagnosed borderline & he is diagnosed bipolar. he doesn’t take into consideration my feelings or diagnosis. he seems to only care about how he is. if he’s in a bad mood then i can’t speak or touch him or anything. i get triggered easily by these actions. they make me feel unlovable & unbearable to be around. we’ve had times where it got physical but never too far. it would always start with latter and end with him either getting super mad or me crying. i wouldn’t call it abusive but rather cat fights. he’s screamed in my face & has lost his temper multiple times. though i know i push buttons till he actually cares.
recently i got into a car accident with my friend. i had a broken nose & a concussion. there was a guy in the car i hadn’t told him about. he’s always expressed discomfort with me being friends with this guy. when we first started dating the same guy also expressed feelings for me. i obviously dropped him because i had a boyfriend. we soon reconnected 6 months later in school. he didn’t have those feelings anymore & the only time id talk to him was in group settings. soon we would get rides home together with his older sister & her friend. when we got into the accident he found out. he started blowing me up while i was in the ambulance & er. saying how he was going to break up with me. i was in so much pain i couldn’t even process anything but just cry. i couldn’t answer him. he was at my house to take care of the dog while no one was home & broke my old phone & continued to key my car. (not bad damages just a few)
He is such an amazing boyfriend though. he is funny & so passionate. he buys me things (i don’t have a job) & is honestly super sweet when he wants to be. but his words are so hurtful. i want to be with him so much. i have never loved someone & connected with someone this much. he gets so angry at me or just will ignore me all day. he rarely compliments me & only touches me when we’re having sex. i understand ive lied to him about many thing but he ignores whatever he’s done & make me the bad person every time. he’s also had this porn problem too. i’ve caught him multiple times looking up inappropriate sites & watching them through. even birthday he even did. i sat there & cried so much. he’s looked up girls on insta and stalk their vsco’s. i feel so unattractive & like im never enough.
i’ve always understood mental health. i have never once put him down for being upset for something i’ve done. i have always taken accountability & admitted my wrongs. i feel like im not allowed to express my own feelings on his actions. he told me that when i cry im “overwhelming him.” i cant leave him. he’s tried breaking up with me & I have walked out his door unfazed. till he’d beg me to come back & we’d cry in eachothers arms. i want to communicate all these feelings but he’s been super upset lately. since my acciedent he’s ignoring me more & saying im in “punishment” like im a toddler??
someone please give me advise. i’m so exhausted by this behavior but i’d be hypocrite if i said he’s the only one causing problems.
submitted by MessyCynical to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]
In the beginning of our relationship we were super happy. We got together in the beginning of march last year. As anyone is, you know “the honeymoon phase.” Starting out we did have some issues. He didn’t like that i smoked or drank much. When I would be with my friends he would get super paranoid & mad when I would be intoxicated. I stopped smoking entirely & stopped seeing those friends the whole summer. I was only allowed to drink around him. & around the 4th of july i got super intoxicated. We had sex when i was blacked out & he told me afterwards i said “were you the one i fucked?” i still don’t remember anything till i had to go home. although we got past that. One time i was out with my cousin (she was someone i’d drink with a lot) & he got really upset. he texted me nonstop offensive messages. for example he said “i hope you get drunk and don’t remember who fucks you.” i was shocked. I understand that people need reassurance & i tried to give him that. though i would ignore his wishes for me to be sober. Liked I’ve had incidents where i’ve smoked & he found out & got upset with me. Before we started dating he was experienced with alcohol. he had sent me videos of him drunk when we first started talking. Also he began smoking heavily when he met me because i did. then later asked for use to quit because he didn’t want to anymore. So i seen him as very hypocritical. we got through it though. we communicated & moved forward. we were really good.
Though soon after the summer passed, it all changed. He went into college & got super distant. He began working at a beer distributor on weekends. Then he soon dropped out and got a job working in the same company as his mom. His mom makes over 200k a year at this company. he’s always been a huge mamas boy. (like he calls her at any minor convenience or tiny thing he thinks of/sees) he got a whole wardrobe change & worked everyday with these two jobs.
some more background information, he was super privileged growing up. he was handed everything to him. he has his own landscaping business since he was 13. he still lives with both of his married parents and sister. He has always had money. He has always worked for it but he’s also handed it like candy. he also spends it crazily. I was brought up completely different. I grew up where my mom worked 3 jobs to get by. she dated many guys through my childhood. she became an addict a few years ago & is currently in rehab. i took her to court at 14 years old for my aunt to get guardianship over me. he doesn’t understand how i was brought up & how it still affects me to this day. He often gets frustrated when those things bother me. or just ignores what i have to say. He never listens or will make jokes. i feel invisible. the only time he seems to love me is when im in a good mood. i’m diagnosed borderline & he is diagnosed bipolar. he doesn’t take into consideration my feelings or diagnosis. he seems to only care about how he is. if he’s in a bad mood then i can’t speak or touch him or anything. i get triggered easily by these actions. they make me feel unlovable & unbearable to be around. we’ve had times where it got physical but never too far. it would always start with latter and end with him either getting super mad or me crying. i wouldn’t call it abusive but rather cat fights. he’s screamed in my face & has lost his temper multiple times. though i know i push buttons till he actually cares.
recently i got into a car accident with my friend. i had a broken nose & a concussion. there was a guy in the car i hadn’t told him about. he’s always expressed discomfort with me being friends with this guy. when we first started dating the same guy also expressed feelings for me. i obviously dropped him because i had a boyfriend. we soon reconnected 6 months later in school. he didn’t have those feelings anymore & the only time id talk to him was in group settings. soon we would get rides home together with his older sister & her friend. when we got into the accident he found out. he started blowing me up while i was in the ambulance & er. saying how he was going to break up with me. i was in so much pain i couldn’t even process anything but just cry. i couldn’t answer him. he was at my house to take care of the dog while no one was home & broke my old phone & continued to key my car. (not bad damages just a few)
He is such an amazing boyfriend though. he is funny & so passionate. he buys me things (i don’t have a job) & is honestly super sweet when he wants to be. but his words are so hurtful. i want to be with him so much. i have never loved someone & connected with someone this much. he gets so angry at me or just will ignore me all day. he rarely compliments me & only touches me when we’re having sex. i understand ive lied to him about many thing but he ignores whatever he’s done & make me the bad person every time. he’s also had this porn problem too. i’ve caught him multiple times looking up inappropriate sites & watching them through. even birthday he even did. i sat there & cried so much. he’s looked up girls on insta and stalk their vsco’s. i feel so unattractive & like im never enough.
i’ve always understood mental health. i have never once put him down for being upset for something i’ve done. i have always taken accountability & admitted my wrongs. i feel like im not allowed to express my own feelings on his actions. he told me that when i cry im “overwhelming him.” i cant leave him. he’s tried breaking up with me & I have walked out his door unfazed. till he’d beg me to come back & we’d cry in eachothers arms. i want to communicate all these feelings but he’s been super upset lately. since my acciedent he’s ignoring me more & saying im in “punishment” like im a toddler??
someone please give me advise. i’m so exhausted by this behavior but i’d be hypocrite if i said he’s the only one causing problems.
2024.04.28 04:25 Silver_East_1383 Managing the Downsides of Autism: My Personal Solutions
My story + struggles:
I (20f) have been suspected of having autism from my current partner and his family, and I match a lot of the symptoms from childhood. I currently have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but here are some reasons why I think I might be on the spectrum as well.
An example is that ever since childhood, I hated the sounds of sudden loud sounds (ex. balloons popping, fireworks) to the point where I'll still cry if I'm around it. I never grew out of that and sometimes need headphones when I'm in a loud public area, or in an area with a lot of people.
From K-12, I excelled academically but I always felt like I had to mimic others' body language and facial expressions, in order to keep others comfortable, 24/7. I also miss about 35% of social cues, and this is to my detriment.
Additionally, I suffer(ed) from Maladaptive daydreaming ever since the age of around 12, which tends to be common with those with Audhd. This is basically when you compulsively daydream for several hours a day, with an inability to stop daydreaming on command. I'll get to my solution with Maladaptive daydreaming as well :).
Supplements:
-NAC = basically the holy grail of amino acids for most mental health disorders as well as neurological conditions, such as autism.
-Sarcosine (aka N-methyl-glycine) = which is like the Adderall of 'adhd', in which it removes the extreme difficulty of socializing all while eliminating 90% of depression symptoms. It isn't for focusing on tasks, but it removes the need to mask in front of others, socially.
Benefits of NAC (N-acetyl cysteine) for autism:
1. Reduction in Repetitive Behaviors: Studies suggest that NAC may help reduce repetitive behaviors and stereotypies, which are common in individuals with autism
Benefits of NAC for Depression and Anxiety:
since depression and anxiety tend to be symptoms of autism, here are some more benefits that NAC can provide:
Benefits of NAC for Maladaptive daydreaming (AND other Addictive behaviors, as many people with autism tend to drink or use substances in order to feel 'normal') :
Benefits of Sarcosine on Autism:
I really hope this helps because even though I'm a woman with Autism and schizophrenia, I feel like I have my life back! :)
submitted by Silver_East_1383 to autism [link] [comments]
I (20f) have been suspected of having autism from my current partner and his family, and I match a lot of the symptoms from childhood. I currently have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but here are some reasons why I think I might be on the spectrum as well.
An example is that ever since childhood, I hated the sounds of sudden loud sounds (ex. balloons popping, fireworks) to the point where I'll still cry if I'm around it. I never grew out of that and sometimes need headphones when I'm in a loud public area, or in an area with a lot of people.
From K-12, I excelled academically but I always felt like I had to mimic others' body language and facial expressions, in order to keep others comfortable, 24/7. I also miss about 35% of social cues, and this is to my detriment.
Additionally, I suffer(ed) from Maladaptive daydreaming ever since the age of around 12, which tends to be common with those with Audhd. This is basically when you compulsively daydream for several hours a day, with an inability to stop daydreaming on command. I'll get to my solution with Maladaptive daydreaming as well :).
Supplements:
-NAC = basically the holy grail of amino acids for most mental health disorders as well as neurological conditions, such as autism.
-Sarcosine (aka N-methyl-glycine) = which is like the Adderall of 'adhd', in which it removes the extreme difficulty of socializing all while eliminating 90% of depression symptoms. It isn't for focusing on tasks, but it removes the need to mask in front of others, socially.
Benefits of NAC (N-acetyl cysteine) for autism:
1. Reduction in Repetitive Behaviors: Studies suggest that NAC may help reduce repetitive behaviors and stereotypies, which are common in individuals with autism
- Improved Emotional Regulation: NAC may positively influence mood and emotional regulation, potentially reducing irritability and aggression in some individuals with autism.
Benefits of NAC for Depression and Anxiety:
since depression and anxiety tend to be symptoms of autism, here are some more benefits that NAC can provide:
- Oxidative Stress Reduction: NAC is a precursor to glutathione, a key antioxidant in the body. By boosting glutathione levels, NAC helps to reduce oxidative stress, which is associated with various mental health issues. Lower oxidative stress can lead to improved cognitive function and overall mental clarity.
- Mood Regulation: NAC has the potential to modulate neurotransmitters like glutamate, dopamine, and serotonin, which are crucial for mood and emotional balance. This modulation can lead to a reduction in depressive symptoms and contribute to a more stable mood.
- Reduction in Anxiety Symptoms: NAC's ability to reduce oxidative stress and modulate neurotransmitters can also help alleviate symptoms of anxiety. This effect is beneficial for individuals struggling with generalized anxiety disorder or other anxiety-related conditions.
Benefits of NAC for Maladaptive daydreaming (AND other Addictive behaviors, as many people with autism tend to drink or use substances in order to feel 'normal') :
- Reduced Cravings and Relapse Risk: NAC has been studied for its potential to reduce cravings for various substances, such as nicotine and cocaine. By helping to manage cravings, NAC can contribute to a reduced risk of relapse in individuals recovering from addiction.
- Support for Detoxification: NAC's role in boosting glutathione, a major antioxidant, can aid in detoxifying the body from harmful substances. This detoxification process can be helpful for those recovering from substance abuse, as it supports the body's natural ability to rid itself of toxins.
- Neuroprotective Properties: NAC's antioxidant properties may offer neuroprotection, potentially mitigating brain damage caused by substance abuse. This can help in the recovery process by supporting brain health and cognitive function.
- Glutamate Regulation: NAC is known to help regulate glutamate, an excitatory neurotransmitter. Imbalances in glutamate levels are often linked to addictive behaviors. By stabilizing glutamate, NAC might reduce cravings and compulsive urges associated with addiction.
- Reduction in Obsessive Thoughts and Compulsions: NAC has been shown to reduce symptoms of OCD, such as repetitive thoughts and compulsive rituals. This is likely due to its ability to balance neurotransmitters and reduce oxidative stress.
- Support for Trichotillomania and Excoriation Disorder: Some studies suggest that NAC may be effective in reducing symptoms of trichotillomania (compulsive hair-pulling) and excoriation disorder (compulsive skin-picking), both of which are characterized by compulsive behavior.
- Reduced Compulsive Eating: NAC has also been researched for its potential in reducing compulsive eating behaviors, which can be part of broader issues like binge eating disorder
Benefits of Sarcosine on Autism:
- Improved Social Behavior: Some studies suggest that sarcosine could help improve social interaction and communication in individuals with autism, likely due to its effect on NMDA receptor function.
- Reduction in Repetitive Behaviors: Sarcosine's modulation of glutamate might lead to a reduction in repetitive behaviors and stereotypies often associated with autism.
- Enhanced Cognitive Function: By positively affecting glutamate neurotransmission, sarcosine may help improve cognitive functions like attention, memory, and learning, which can be impaired in some individuals with autism.
- Mood Regulation: Sarcosine's effect on NMDA receptors might contribute to improved mood and emotional regulation, potentially reducing anxiety and irritability, which can be common in autism.
- Support for Social Cognition: Through its impact on NMDA receptor activity, sarcosine may help enhance social cognition, which encompasses skills like recognizing and interpreting social cues.
I really hope this helps because even though I'm a woman with Autism and schizophrenia, I feel like I have my life back! :)
2024.04.28 04:05 Gaybathroom78 I've been getting visions for 2 years and it hasn't stopped.
Me (17m) and my two best friends, (16f and 18f) have been getting visions and dreams for at least 2 years.
It all started at around December 2021 and we were all getting ready for a concert and then something clicked in our head and saw a disturbing image in our head. It looked like toddler and his sister running into the woods (the woods were on fire). And ever since then we've always been getting visions and dreams.
Normally they're are just disturbing and not related to real life, but some things have been connecting to real life, for example, my friend (16f) named Elli had a dream a couple monthes ago when she was climbing a tree with me, then suddenly I turned into a black figure and scared her, making her fall off the tree and wake up. When she woke up her parents were in her room checking on her because they heard a loud bang, she was sitting criss cross up right when she opened her eye's.
Another example with Elli is she had a series of visions of a woman named Miranda Bristol. We have googled her and she looked exactly like she did in her vision. We know she was a very paranoid person and was twenty five when she died.
Then more recently, my friend (18f) Riley and I (17m) Levi, did a Ouija board at my house last month and met a man named Adam who tolded up about his wife Miranda. We didn't learn about the last name but the attributes were basically the same as Miranda Bristol.
She was out in the garden till she saw that the house was burning with Adam in it. She ran into the house to save Adam in the house and neither of them made it out alive. The house looked exactly like the one next to mine.
Which brings us to the next topic which is my (18f) friend, Riley has a gift to supposedly be a psychic medium. She's also had a unique experience when playing red door yellow door, she See's things that are more realistic then something just in her imagination like said to do.
It still hasn't stopped and we're honestly getting scared, what should we do?
submitted by Gaybathroom78 to scarystories [link] [comments]
It all started at around December 2021 and we were all getting ready for a concert and then something clicked in our head and saw a disturbing image in our head. It looked like toddler and his sister running into the woods (the woods were on fire). And ever since then we've always been getting visions and dreams.
Normally they're are just disturbing and not related to real life, but some things have been connecting to real life, for example, my friend (16f) named Elli had a dream a couple monthes ago when she was climbing a tree with me, then suddenly I turned into a black figure and scared her, making her fall off the tree and wake up. When she woke up her parents were in her room checking on her because they heard a loud bang, she was sitting criss cross up right when she opened her eye's.
Another example with Elli is she had a series of visions of a woman named Miranda Bristol. We have googled her and she looked exactly like she did in her vision. We know she was a very paranoid person and was twenty five when she died.
Then more recently, my friend (18f) Riley and I (17m) Levi, did a Ouija board at my house last month and met a man named Adam who tolded up about his wife Miranda. We didn't learn about the last name but the attributes were basically the same as Miranda Bristol.
She was out in the garden till she saw that the house was burning with Adam in it. She ran into the house to save Adam in the house and neither of them made it out alive. The house looked exactly like the one next to mine.
Which brings us to the next topic which is my (18f) friend, Riley has a gift to supposedly be a psychic medium. She's also had a unique experience when playing red door yellow door, she See's things that are more realistic then something just in her imagination like said to do.
It still hasn't stopped and we're honestly getting scared, what should we do?
2024.04.28 02:19 Grease_Box Fake "Soundtracks" for new television and movies on Tidal?
I've recently noticed that a handful of users are creating fake soundtracks for new and recent movies and television shows, and that the playlists all contain the same artists (and/or songs) whose music is NOT used in the respective movie or television show.
Here are some examples.
"Love Lies Bleeding":
https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/dab1eb01-1eac-4aae-9759-fa5c1ea1b86a
https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/f66f5b1b-3120-4900-a907-baf27311c7fb
Apple TV+ "Sugar":
https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/7e66b292-6d28-45e3-87a3-57691731b0f8
https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/21e8b2f0-0867-4462-81d1-3051c8a4b1fc
Clearly any user can create a playlist using any songs they want. However it becomes unethical and possibly some sort of legal/copyright infringement when they are using the 'official' name of the program in question and labeling their playlists as "Soundtrack" for the program's title.
The other thing, as noted, is that they appear to be continually plugging the same artists/songs in every fake soundtrack. The number of songs actually included in the program varies; in some cases there are ZERO songs actually represented in the claimed film/TV show and in others a couple of the songs may actually be in the movie/TV show.
Am I being paranoid here, or am I onto some sort of platform manipulation to drive listens to lesser known artists in some sort of concerted attempt to artificially boost said artists/music?
submitted by Grease_Box to TIdaL [link] [comments]
Here are some examples.
"Love Lies Bleeding":
https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/dab1eb01-1eac-4aae-9759-fa5c1ea1b86a
https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/f66f5b1b-3120-4900-a907-baf27311c7fb
Apple TV+ "Sugar":
https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/7e66b292-6d28-45e3-87a3-57691731b0f8
https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/21e8b2f0-0867-4462-81d1-3051c8a4b1fc
Clearly any user can create a playlist using any songs they want. However it becomes unethical and possibly some sort of legal/copyright infringement when they are using the 'official' name of the program in question and labeling their playlists as "Soundtrack" for the program's title.
The other thing, as noted, is that they appear to be continually plugging the same artists/songs in every fake soundtrack. The number of songs actually included in the program varies; in some cases there are ZERO songs actually represented in the claimed film/TV show and in others a couple of the songs may actually be in the movie/TV show.
Am I being paranoid here, or am I onto some sort of platform manipulation to drive listens to lesser known artists in some sort of concerted attempt to artificially boost said artists/music?