Hello everyone,
I hope you're all doing well. I'm here today to share a bit about my journey and seek some advice from this community.
So, here's the scoop: at 25, I packed my bags and made the leap from Lebanon to Paris (outskirt). Financially, I was starting from scratch – no cash in the bank, but thankfully, no debts either. I hustled my way through college expenses while grinding away back in Lebanon.
Started off my professional life as a FE developer, pulling in a modest 18k for the first couple of years. Then, in year three, landed a new job with a salary bump to 35k. But suddenly, I found myself facing monthly expenses totaling 1200e ( breakdown below ) by year four got a new job with a salary of 45k brut ( 2500 monthly net ) and 48k ( 2600 monthly net ) by year five, my expenses increased with the inflation that was impacted france.
Fast forward to May 2024, and my paycheck's now at 55k (3000 monthly net)
Here's the breakdown of my monthly expenses:

• Rent: 850e
• Gym: 70e
• Electricity: 65e
• Internet: 30e
• Transportation: 45e
• Insurance: 11e
• Subscriptions: 20e
• Groceries: 600e
• Supplies:100e
• Clothes: 100e
• Restaurants: 100e

Then yearly travel trips for a total of 800e per year
Total: roughly 2000e per month and sometimes there's unexpected expenses ( family in need etc... )
So, here I am, sitting on roughly 8k that I managed to save over the course of 5years , feeling somewhat at a loss. Is France truly the right place for a loner like myself, especially with those sky-high taxes and social contributions? Do you think the system here favors families more? Maybe it's time to scout out a more budget-friendly neighborhood?
I've been toying with the idea of owning a small apartment, but no bank would give me a loan without an elusive 10% down payment even though once I stop paying rent I can surely afford to pay the loan.
Sometimes, I even entertain the thought of heading back to Lebanon, despite everything that's going on there. I just would like to have a normal life again, like back in Lebanon, have a roof over my head, be able to afford a car and have a dog :) but so far it seems impossible to do so in France without committing to a relationship and living with someone or having a roommate to save a bit of money.
Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

TLDR

Tried to play with the new "Cue Analysis" feature, does not seem to work for me. How has this new feature worked for you?

Small background

I started DJ'ing a month ago and have gotten used to setting up hot cues and working with them. I'd say I'm pretty confident in how rekordbox works at it's core.
Now, being an AI student, I was curious to see how well the "Cue Analysis" feature works in Rekordbox 7.
I bought Core to try it out, chucked all of my songs into the "CUE analysis playlist", boom done!

How it's been going for me

-- quoted from a conversation with someone --
So it's doing something weird, it's seemingly recognized my "A" cue point correctly, the start of the beat.
But every other cue is either in the wrong place or not something I would set ever
For reference, my normal cues:
https://imgur.com/a/eEhLEQv
A > Beat start / song start
E > Vocal start
B > 64 before first drop
F > 32 before first drop
C > 16 before first drop
G > drop
D > 32 before second drop
H > second drop
This is what the intelligent hot cue decided for me
https://imgur.com/a/Pz4uZ8k
A > Beat start
E > End of drop?
B > 16 before first drop
F > 16 before second drop
C > First drop
G > Second drop
D > After a pause in the song?
H > Also a random pause, but at the end?

What I've tried to 'fix' this

1. Tried a smaller analysis playlist size (reduced it to 10 instead of 180)
2. Made sure that in that smaller sample size, the hot cues were exactly right
3. Tried a different song Exact same result

Question:

So, what I'm wondering is as follows: "How has this feature been working for others?"
Maybe it's just how my cues are set up, or the genre of music I play (Drum and Bass)?

All my life decisions have been wrong. I have done all these things but I feel like it was all a fluke and everyone sees through me. That's why I'm getting nowhere.
I feel like I'm unlovable irl - both romantically as well as platonically. All I am is a fetish. That's all I have always been. None of my relationships were real. Except maybe the first one. But then even that was a bullshit relationship.
I don't know where I'm going to go from here or if I'll get a job or if I'll graduate. I feel so stupid and so ugly. Every day something someone says puts a new insecurity in my head. I might lose all my friends because of how bad my time management skills have gotten. I just need some fucking direction in life. FUCK

I am preparing for a competitive exam my exams are couple of days ahead after my exams I will relocate to a city and start searching for a job I will be staying with my parents but I feel very anxious as this will be my first time working and I have a gap as I haven't worked because of preparing for my exams i don't feel good and happy currently I feel lost sad and depressed most of the time I also am very afraid of thinking about the new phase of my life I have noone with whom I can share my thoughts right now can someone guide me what should I do to feel normal and happy again

Started a new job and I didn't find out until recently that payday is Tuesday instead of Friday, and my car insurance payment is due before I get paid. I called AAA to try to reschedule the payment but they won't do it without permanently taking away a huge autopay discount. I'm willing to pay a little interest now in the hopes of keeping my E-saver discount in the long run.

Not an iPad Pro Review: Why iPadOS Still Doesn't Get the Basics Right - MacStories
I read this, not really realizing what I most wanted to change about the iPadOS. But almost every paragraph, I was exclaiming, "Yeah, that's bothered me too!" This article really opened my eyes, even to some issues I had already experienced. I think I was able to put some of these issues aside in my brain because, while I am not a major user of macOS (my main is a Windows machine), I have used macOS before (my last job's work computer was an M1 MacBook).
This article really shows the limitations of iPadOS's roots as an extension of an iPhoneOS (IOS). There really needs to be an extensive rewrite that borrows more from the macOS than the IOS. I'm not asking to replicate macOS, just borrow some good features from it and build something new.
Not just a Calculator app.
(the audio streaming gets me the most, although the FindeFiles issues, no preview app, and no freaking TextEdit get me too)

So I (23F) have been working for a sports club for two years now. Last year, I reached out to my 2 bosses who both coach D2 college sports teams about taking up new responsibilities and doing graphic design for the club.
I have since graduated but I was studying design all through college and wanted an opportunity to grow my portfolio and I knew the girl that currently did graphics was just doing it as a favor and did all of them on Canva (not that there’s anything wrong with that). They agreed and I met with one of my bosses, I’ll call him Phil.
Phil told me he was excited about the prospect of content creation and was interested in me doing photography and videography on top of my graphic design work. He also wanted me to make videos for his and my other boss’s college teams. I told him I had little experience in that but was excited to try and learn. Cut to now.
The year I’ve been working there is almost up. I reached out to my boss and asked him if he wanted to meet or talk about the prospect of me continuing my work next year as well. His response was NOT what I was expecting. He told me he was disappointed because the main thing he wanted me to do was videography. He said photos and graphics can be done by “most anybody” and the video editing for the college teams and the sports club never really happened.
We made 2 videos for the sports club over the year that we planned out together. I traveled with him and his college team to their championship where I took photos and videos but I never made an edited video of the championship games. I have never received negative feedback from my other boss about the work I had been doing graphics wise which I spend a lot of time and effort creating.
I hadn’t received any feedback at all from Phil until now. 1 month before my contract is up. I truly was not expecting it and feel so angry, hurt, and upset. This is my first job in the design field and I have been so proud of the work I have been doing. I knew he wanted me to make videos, but he never followed up on a video after our first conversation when he offered me the job. I could’ve maybe been more proactive? or maybe he wanted me to take the initiative on video creation? Either way, I had no idea he felt this way until today. My boyfriend and parents say I should quit. I truly don’t know what to do or if I am really in the wrong here. I don’t think I am, but I don’t know it’s my first job in my field and maybe I should’ve known the expectations. Any advice would be really appreciated as well.

Okay, I know it's probably crazy to go to the internet and head to reddit looking for a diagnosis. Here's the thing, where I currently live you can't change doctors if you already have a specialist unless the doctor would discharge you or you go through a different system. Well I am running into all kinds of issues there, because as my PCP told me I have been "severely medically neglected." I was told I had an extra electrical current by my cardiologist then my electrophysiologist confirmed it but wrote in his notes that he thought I had a mild case of POTS, something I only found out recently after going to my PCP attempting to get a referral for a new cardiologist and go through the tens of thousands of dollars worth of tests all over again. I can't get ahold of either my cardiologist or electrophysiologist, no matter how hard I try. My PCP is having nothing but issues getting a referral sent over to a new cardiologist in a different medical system, I have tried numerous times to get it worked out, I just can't. I also have two jobs and am working anywhere between 50-70 hours a week so I don't have all hours of the day playing phone tag with two doctors offices. So I am at my wits end. I am moving to Texas soon for law school (why I am working so many hours) and am hoping to get it sorted out there but it feels like my heart is just getting worse.
I am a 23F, with a pre-existing medical condition, an autoimmune disease (PANS). My family has a history of autoimmune and heart conditions. My younger cousin who shares the same blood type as me (from our mothers) just got diagnosed with prolonged QT syndrome, but our EKGS don't look the same. My maternal grandfather (again same blood type) has been told he could drop down dead at any second from a heart aneurysm.
Here's my symptoms. I have atrial flutter and atrial fib. I've seen my heart rate get as low as 38bpm and as high as 180 bpm (that I know of, often during exercise). My resting heart rate is around 100 bpm and sometimes is 120 on a very bad day. I have chest pain and heart palpitations. Here's the things I can't do without struggling to breathe or stop breathing in general: Stand up, squat, go up stairs, lean my head back, lean my head forward, stretch, go upside down, not eat for a while, spin in a circle, sit up. I ran after going to the gym consistently for three months and working on endurance (very light running) and my chest consistently was hurting for three days and off and on for two days after that. Water used to help but it doesn't do much anymore. My vision goes black at times, I have gotten very close to passing out without actually doing so. I have an arrhythmia in my heart, it loves to skip beats on me. My blood pools in my legs really bad, I get white splotches on my legs with my veins going purple and it also looks like I have strawberry legs (doesn't happen all the time but I have noticed it). I used to never get headaches at all, now I get consistent migraines in my temples.
All of this started out with just having some issues breathing when I stood up and its only gotten worse over the past couple of years. I honestly don't know what to do and it all makes me anxious not knowing.

I’m 17f and i have a boyfriend 19m. For privacy reasons i’ll call him Connor. Connor and me have been together for a little over 5 months. We got together and made things official soon before new years 2023. Ever since, we have been hanging out every week, and we could never get enough of eachother until now. Things between us haven’t changed. There has been hard times for us both, and sometimes it even got to a point where i thought that i would lose him. However, we have managed to get past these problems, and i am very thankful that things happend because it only made us and our relationship stronger. I value this relationship, because i have both trust and faith in this man, he is not like any other dog that i have dated before, and that he has proved. I would like to include that due to getting cheated on before, and being a teenager in this generation, i have severe trust issues, and i have abandonment issues as well. Connor used to have a girl bestfriend, and apparently they had known eachother for more than a decade, so i respected that since they had been friends for so long. Or so i thought. Connor told me something that made me mad, he and his girlbestfriend used to date, but he made it clear to me that it wasn’t for long. Not only was this girl pretty, but she was HOT. Even i would date her. Once, me and him met up with an old friend of his, and it was a girl but i didn’t know who it was at the time. As soon as i realized, i was furious. I never lash out on him, i keep my anger to myself. The first time i brought up that i did not like him having her in his life, Connor and me argued back and fourth for over 2 hours. In the end i gave up and just went with the flow, but it did nor stop me from thinking. I asked my bestfriend 17f about her thoughts on this situation, and she pointed out that i should not make him cut het off because he would choose her. This got me thinking, and i actually ended up asking Connor to cut her off. I was straight forward, i did not threaten him with our relationship, but i told him that it made me pissed. I was shocked that it was easy for him to remove her bc i asked him to. Connor was grumpy but he let it go after a short amount of time. Things continued like normal after that, nothing ever changed. However, back to today, this part is important. Me, my bestfriend and Connor all go to the same school, and we had a class trip coming up which was today. Me and my bestfriend had agreed that we would spend the day together, but Connor ended up spending it with us. Throughout the whole day, they talked like never before. And i was present, i heard everything but it made me want to vomit so i put on my airpods to distract myself. They didn’t do anything inappropariate, but they talked a little too much. I left them a few times, not because i wanted attention, but because i wanted to be alone. He could sense that something was wrong, and i played it off like nothing becaude i didn’t want to make my jealousy a big deal. Connor is very open when he is comfortable around the people he is with. I am happy that they got along so good, but there was some things that just didn’t sit right with me which lead me to be jealous. Connor was talking about how he could never get a job, and my bestfriend asked to see his phone just to help him apply for a job. I have been encouraging him before to apply for jobs, but he ”didn’t have time” or something, eventually i stopped caring about thay part. But seeing Connor so invested in the idea when she brought it up made me want to leave. Am i the ahole for having jealousy issues and trust issues?

First of all my concept upon humans is that they are "apes". I mean that we clap, we cheer, we dance, we boo, etc. I've just started to see a lot of animalistic actions in the world. It's what I call the "ape theory". It means that we haven't gone over evolution, but that we are still in the process. In such I feel that we are all "biological machines". If a person thinks about him/herself then we can't even think "outside the box". If a person starts to think "outside the box" - it's just because in that given action by the reality - the person started to think "outside the box", but it's not about thinking "outside the box", but the situation.
Of course that could seem a bit strange start, but what I'm on about in this subreddit in terms of such - is that I believe that when we are "biological machines" where consciousness doesn't create anything, but simply experiences. IF so then artificial general intelligence (or artificial superintelligence) doesn't seem that impossible.
Still I could be wrong, but I just don't believe in "free will" in any sense. I think that all of our behaviour is tied to our evolution, genes, environment, etc. and just how things come to be in the reality.
I know that you here most likely know about ChatGPT-4o (Introducing GPT-4o (youtube.com)) that came yesterday and you probably know about Unitree Robotics (Unitree Introducing Unitree G1 Humanoid Agent AI Avatar Price from $16K (youtube.com))? Okay, if you don't know then the latter had a pretty astonishing video about their $16000 robot that could do many things like Boston Dynamics have done before. Still for the price it was quite astonishing. (Very cheap) Also you might know about Figure (Figure Status Update - OpenAI Speech-to-Speech Reasoning (youtube.com)) which uses ChatGPT to understand surroundings and act upon them...
I mean that there seems to be a very clear future? Robots, bots, robotics, etc.? I've even started to think that the mass-production of robots, bots, robotics, etc. isn't even in year 2030 - but it would happen much faster? Maybe in couple of years the world could start to change very much?
*****
But what I'm on about is that I only see one path to utopia. I know that some could argue that prices will drop with automation and they probably do, but at the same time, when unemployment rates would hit 25 % for me the only sensible thing to do - is that you make four-day working week. But for me it - in such - makes most sense that you have "robot tax". I mean that you tax companies which automate and then you circulate that wealth through the governments for things like negative income tax. I mean that you would could even have a positive tax return. It would just mean that all workers would be appreciated. A dynamic society where - not by - minumum wage you create salary, but just by redistributing wealth. It's a very simple thing and you probably comprehend because I'm not that smart.
I don't believe in universal basic income, because people might work for a new Playstation and then just quit their jobs. The bureaucracy is important. Of course maybe when there would be three-day working week could be universal basic income - I just mean that "robot tax" is a very simple way to create the utopia. It doesn't even have to do with robots, bots, robotics, etc. (I mean tech firms), but just companies that would make high profits - and all work would be appreciated.
*****
Also like with the AlphaFold 3 (?) understanding all the 200 million proteins - I just assume that we need artificial intelligence. I don't remember correctly, but was it like million tons of plastic goes to oceans every year. Maybe we could have solar working robots for that - or better - maybe mushrooms could be used to reproduce oil from plastic? I know that the latter is a very stupid thing to think about - with a very little understanding of sciences - but also it's better to send robots, bots, robotics, etc. to Mars, asteroids, Moon, etc. to collect resources. I just feel that mankind has capped their intelligence and we need something new. Maybe we could have pharmaceutical drugs at some point that would unlock different parts of the brain. It could come from new kinds of hallucinogenics which would be simply to attack certain parts - I don't know?
*****
Still I'm a very "retarded ape" and I don't mind people saying so - because for me most of the people who write in reddit are quite "retarded". It's just that I would be very happy - if the "retarded apes" wouldn't just push out their thoughts. I just don't like the world of today where "retarded apes" - like myself - have started to think that they "know". Shut the f--- up - and let the geniuses speak their minds. "No deep state, etc." I mean that we need geniuses, we need AI and we need some kind of new form of thinking where we can live in unity in this world of constant (and very ridiculous) battles which are just coming from us being "apes"
No! There is no good and evil! If people boil dogs in China - it just means that as a species we are quite violent. If a person starts to see so then you'll start to see a lot of behavior that exists in our society coming from our past of being "a bit more apish".
But you see? I do believe that there are mysteries to the universe - like why everything seems to exist for life? I mean that we should have died with coal - but we just seem to progress? If there is progression here and some kind of weird "understanding" for such then why couldn't have there come more than the universe - which would be for life? But why do people make such kinds of thoughts as their "meaning"? "I mean maybe...", but just try to act towards the society in a good manner - and who cares? Things will be revealed or they might not be, but can't we just make the society function so that all people could have good experiences?
A bit of a rant? But even the Pope is an ape who is doing weird kind of rituals? Are we all unsane? But I don't mean that he would be wrong completely, but he still is an ape who does weird rituals?
*****
But this is just a stupid post in reddit. I see the simplicity and I'm a very simple person. I'm just waiting when the geniuses will start to speak about this kind of stuff, but much better. (I probably should have put artificial intelligence to write this...?) I have a very stupid sense of humor when I'm a bit tipsy.

Heya, so I bought a kia soul 2019 with the extended warranty ( feel incredibly stupid for falling for this one) Anyways from what I have seen on other forums and every where on all kia sights. My kia soul isn't part of the warranty or recall that is going on. But something makes absolutely no sense. My car did FINE until I hit 98k The EXACT second it hit 100K it went to limp mood. It just failed me. I'm the other millions of single moms who lost their jobs because I can't afford a new car. Dont have family thar can help. Lost my job, lost my income, lost everything. All I get told is "Turn the car in" "sell it' " get a cosigner" which won't happen. Can't go get a job because I dont have a car. I honestly don't understand how the 9 isn't part of the kia settlement. They have the same issues the 14-18 have The 20s to the 22s
I need advice on my next steps because I'm over all of the issues of my car like so many others that have kia souls that just go to ajdgih - insert bad word here- And leave many like me on a bad spot. Thank for looking at my rant

Disclaimer:
This post has heavy spoilers to the story of the version 2.2 and maybe to something else. Good luck to read all of this. I yap for Ena and maybe repeat myself little too much. Mentioned characters:
Sunday
Robin
Aventurine
Dreammaster
Bronya
Seele
Cocolia
Mentioned Aeons:
Ena
Xipe
Hooh
Long
Oroboros
Qlipoth
Mentioned organisations:
Beyond the Sky Choir
Astral Express
Family
In loving memory: Ena the Order “The one who transcends the many”
In loving memory of Tazzyrronth the Propagation “The Sand king”
In loving memory of the Great Tatalov “The Garbage King”
So, the original intent behind this post was to create a lot of puns about Order and Sunday (for example something like Golden Order Radagon Sunday, “I will have order” with Sunday and a falling train instead, Sunday working in a delivery and saying that someone’s order was cancelled).
But then I started remembering all parts of Penacony storyline that have fascinated me. And one particular part master stroked me. When Sunday used his “tell the truth or die in 24 hours voice magic” he used not the power of Order, but Harmony – the Path he supposedly deliberately left behind and betrayed.
How can I be so sure, that he didn’t use the power of Order, making it look like the power of Harmony? Well, nor Dr. Ratio, nor Aventurine, nor Welt, nor (most importantly) Robin didn’t notice any sign that the Order was used and that the power on display did in fact belong to Harmony. And mind you, all of them are quite clever, experienced and hard to deceive. And in Aventurine’s conversation with Acheron in the Horizon of existence, Acheron (who as Self-Annihilator isn’t affected by the illusions of Order and can see through them) referred to the brand, used on Aventurine as the “brand of Harmony”. And the last proof is that when Sunday uses this power, he makes a call (or if you are a pun enjoyer like me, “an order”) to Xipe, referring to THEM as “Triple-faced soul”.
So, this was a really long and a roundabout way to prove that even with his supposed devotion to Order, Sunday still remains the Pathstrider of Harmony (and the laws of the HSR universe dictate, that you become a Pathstrider by following a philosophy of a particular Path). While being a Pathstrider of two Paths is not called impossible in the game, and Harmony and Order mostly overlap, there are some key differences between them. It means, that Sunday to some extant still believes in a philosophy of Harmony and is not a complete devotee of Order, how some people could have believed.
So, the goal of this post is to delve on the philosophy of Ena and Harmony through Sunday’s story, words, thoughts and actions. And to make some obnoxious theories, but that’s later.
So, let’s begin!
Ⅰ
In his childhood, Sunday alongside Robin, was called by the Dreammaster “two best interpreters of the Great One”. That means, that as a child, Sunday was extremely close to the philosophy of Harmony.
Let’s remember what Harmony embodies as a philosophy:
“Then, they say, O you who have reached the end, enter into the paradise that envelops all! Join this great choir and feast, listen to the beating of billions upon billions of hearts, holding you in THEIR embrace...”
“To battle the brutality of the laws of the universe, intelligent lifeforms must discard their cowardly selfishness and the differences between individuals, fusing into one singular melody — to have the strong help the weak, and to protect life with death.”
That is what Harmony preaches and Sunday was a follower of this ideology. Harmony preaches selfless people not only helping and uplifting each other to build “the paradise” (a prominent theme in Sunday’s thoughts) bit also welcoming every other willing person. Harmony philosophy is about acceptance, forgiveness, cooperation, that no person is beyond redemption, that in every person has inside of them the force that genuinely cares for others and strives for good. Harmony preaches something like this: “Because if it is possible for every person to become a member of Family’s shared paradise, then we should at lest try to welcome them in it.” That’s why Harmonic Strings (Emanators of Xipe) are not people and are actually manifestations materialized as the responses to the Hive Mind’s demands. It is a seemingly naïve and romantic ideal for the sometimes and indifferent brutal universe of HSR that requires great kindness, compassion, understanding, belief in other people, ability to see the better in other people and uplift them. And Sunday-follower of Order reflects on that:
"When I appeared as a child, my speech, mindset, and soul reflected immaturity and innocence."
"As I grew into adulthood, I left behind my childlike side."
Sunday (as shown in the quest) was a person of great understanding, compassion, and love for other living beings, full of desire to protect them (bird, Robin, other people). He was able to embrace even the worst people if they would show even the slightest glimpse of desire to redeem themselves and change for the better, like people who allegedly sold their own children. It is notable that he both acts as a follower of Harmony and an enforcer of Order conspiracy because of these very character traits. The motivation is the same, just the choice how to act based on this motivation is different between him and Robin because of different experiences.
As the ardent believer of Harmony, the seed of doubt in his mind was planted ironically by the very followers of the Harmony -the Family. And the disillusionment about Harmony also began, when his belief in other people was tested. When asking Xipe to clear his doubts, Sunday asks three questions:
“Who can judge the strong when their power hides their crimes?”
“Who can vouch for the weak when they will pay any price to survive?”
“If "the strong defending the weak" is truly the foundation of paradise, then who is responsible for the suffering and anguish in this wretched world?”
The questions display that the preached Harmony doesn’t work as intended. The extremely hard ideal to follow was exactly too demanding for numerous people who couldn’t stand up to the responsibility that came with upholding it. Also, as displayed both in the main quest of Penacony and in numerous events and side quests, flaws and imperfections of Family(note: of the Family on Penacony) are numerous. We have an entire “Ode to Fool” in the Grand Theatre about internal bloodthirsty war between the Family, where two of the seven families of Penacony ceased to exist. When even Family: those who preach the Odes of Harmony don’t act as they preach, are not harmonious, don’t show compassion and forgiveness, it is extremely hard to still believe in its teachings. And from that, the belief in people starts to slowly crumble as the very belief in a possibility of a paradise preached by the Xipe, is tested.
That is what turns him to Order. The feeling that while the paradise of Harmony is theoretically possible, how much suffering must people experience before it actually arrives. And when will it arrive? And IF it will arrive? These doubts in human inherent desire to change for the better leads to the idea: “And what if they don’t change? Then why take the risks? Why not to create something that guarantees their safety, happiness and protection?” His desire for Order is still born from his love for humanity.
Ⅱ
And while the shift in beliefs did in fact happen, it wasn’t completed and some beliefs in Harmony remain, alongside doubts about the philosophy of Order.
To prove that, let’s remember the Grand Theatre part of the quest (“Everything that Rises Must Converge”).
Before that Dreammaster has a particularly interesting conversation with Sunday. Sunday not only changes their plan, taking Robin’s place in the plan and then he asks Dreammaster why Penacony was the chosen planet to bring “paradise” of the Order. If he was completely convinced, why would he pose these questions?
Sunday several times brings the part of 107,336 souls of the Oak Family in his monologues. Why? Because he uses them to give self-validation to his beliefs. It comes not only from his desire to grant “paradise” to everyone (and this guys as stated dreamed about the paradise of Order), but also from his self-perceived responsibility as the Head of the Oak Family to stand up to wishes and desires of his subordinates, to protect them, and as the man with greatest position among them, to fulfil the hardest task. Because if people he is in charge of follow and support his views, not only it gives him more belief in his set of beliefs(ha), but also gives him even greater responsibility to prove that their faith in him, in Order is not misplaced.
In first two acts he displays before us shortcomings of the Harmony, trying to display himself as the ardent believer of the Order:
In the first act “Ode to Prisoner” he says that the freedom was not really achieved in Penacony’s great Independence War, posing a doubt that the ideal of Harmony even existed in Penacony since the very beginning.
In the second act “Ode to Fool” the theme of not so harmonic Harmony remains. Sunday talks about internal civil war between the Family, that eradicated two of the seven families on Penacony. How “harmonic” it is!
But in the last and most important act “Ode to Order” has a surprisingly different theme, hidden in it.
It is supposedly talking about the future of Penacony, but there is something more if you listen to its content once again:
General: “Without a ruler who would protect the weak and fight back against the tyrants?”
Chansellor: “We must assist each other in protecting the weak, just as we must assist each other in opposing the tyrannical.”
This dialogue argues that the very measures Sunday preaches, are not required for the coexistence and unification are also an option. Case of how differently Order and Harmony solve one problem.
Jester: “Without a ruler, who will make the stars follow their paths, the tides rise and fall, and allow life to grow?”
C: “These things did as they will long before the ruler appeared, just as they will continue to do with rulers gone.”
Where the Order requires an all-mighty divine king, controlling the world (like God-Emperor of Mankind from Warhammer), Harmony simply says that actually such beings are not needed.
Minister: “However, now that we have bid farewell to our ruler. Who shall take their place?”
C: “We no longer require a ruler, for we were originally all rulers who stand above all things.”
Once again, order preaches about the ruler on the top of everything, the one who has all of the rights and makes all of decisions. But harmony doesn’t work that way. Harmony preaches that if every person has equal rights to enter its paradise, then they are essentially equal. Where Order differentiates people and treats them differently according to THEIR criteria, harmony does not as THEY are all-embracing.
The choice of the position of Chansellor as the one giving answers is deliberate. It is another innuendo on differences between Harmony and Order. In Order king takes the power and pushes everyone under his control. Chancellor, as the representation of Harmony in this argument, is a position not a person. He is subject to change, unlike king. Unlike king, Chancellor is chosen among the people, by the people. He serves as one man being the voice of many people, for they have chosen him as a Chancellor because their ideals are the same and thus, they have entrusted him to fulfil their ideals in reality in their stead.
Some people were not satisfied that the arguments were not posed against Sunday by the Astral Express. Well, this entire act serves as a counter to his arguments, showing the point of view of Harmony arguing against the necessity of ideals of Order. Most importantly, they don’t disprove hid arguments completely, but rather pose a possible alternative take on things.
The Clockwork doesn’t work on puppets because they are “satisfied”. But what gives satisfaction: Order or Harmony? In my opinion, Harmony. Remember: in THEIR paradise there is “peace bestowed, sorrows and strife released.”
The “king” in the text obviously refers to Ena the Order, and the last talk from the “Future” in the act is about “final rites” to the king, that there is no need to seek THEIR existence, nor remember THEM. It illustrates the final confusion of Sunday: if Ena didn’t fight back while being consumed, if the philosophy of Harmony prevailed in the confrontation among the Paths, why try to restore the Order?
And after that particular act he chose to reveal to us the finale of Ena’s story. That THEY were banished to oblivion by the united will of the people who defied Order. And THEIR death was praised alongside praises for the appearance of Harmony – the ideal that prevailed on Penacony in the end.
And that is what actually 3 is actually about. Puppets(Members of the Beyond the Sky Choir) ask what they and everyone else should do after the “king(Ena)” disappeared.
They feel no safety and out of their comfort zone when the one that controlled everything about their lives suddenly disappeared. And Chancellor’s answers are the representation of the ideology of Harmony, that you don’t need to be controlled to strive in life, for that there is more to universe and that the “king” is not actually required for betterment of society, that society can harmonize and evolve on their own, that the unity of people can replace the “king”. Ironically, “the Ode to Order” doesn’t glorify Order but rather disproves it from being the one and only universal truth.
In this act Sunday actually reveals, intended or not, that he doesn’t disprove Harmony’s ideal, that he subconsciously feels that it can stand on par with the ideal of Order.
Then, Sunday poses between us three questions, each one has different answers depending on your set of believes: order or Harmony. Notice, that Sunday doesn’t give his own answers to the questions.
“Is darkness equal to daylight?”
This question is very metaphorical. Radiance and light, eradicating darkness and giving protection to those under the light are a repeated theme in the ideology of the Order (“I shall ascend to the heavens, becoming the scorching sun. Bathed in my light, my people shall flourish, while all evil shall be eradicated” / “Those who live in the shadows do not bear the right to tread the illuminated stage.” / “I now permit you to gaze into the sun [hardest line in the game btw]”) But radiance is also a term sometimes used to describe Xipe. The greatest difference lies in the fact that what Order will not tolerate (“darkness”), harmony will be able to co-exist with and eventually embrace. So for Order they are different, but for Harmony not at all.
“Are sinners equal to the righteous?”
Order punishes the unjust and uplifts the righteous. For it, they are not equal. But for Harmony they are, mostly because before Xipe the very concept of sinners doesn’t exist. Harmony is all-embracing, for everyone can change for the better and be redeemed.
It is a discourse in philosophy: first question was about whether are you able to tolerate something that goes against you. While Harmony can, Order cannot (Sunday can as literally shown in the quest so he leans more to Harmony in that part). Second question was about whether people can change for the better and be redeemed. Order doesn’t believe in it, Harmony does.
“If you are born weak, which god should you turn for solace?”
It is another question to choose between philosophies because Sunday struggles to choose himself. If you are weak and you bow before someone(“king”) for the protection then this is a choice befitting Order, but if you choose to cooperate with others, uplift one another and “listen beating of billions of hearts holding you on their embrace” then this is the choice of Harmony.
Notice, that Sunday doesn’t consider us as enemies at all. As he says: “I genuinely wish to avoid a violent clash with my esteemed guests from afar.” When Astral Express team asks Sunday why did he invite us to the duel, he responds: “Because our shared goals give equal weight to the beliefs we strive for.” He regards everything happening more like a debate of two equally valid philosophies. Even in the fight with him (second one) he still invites us to join his chorus of Order. And he says “our final talk is concluded” only when he turns into his Embryo of Philosophy form, when literally everyone who could has risen against him. And then he reveals his true emotions:
“If your ‘paradise’ can save more people, sever my path with your hands”
He knows he is not infallible, that his plan can be wrong, that there is a possibility of making better choices, better decisions. And he asks us to prove, that Harmony after all is a stronger concept then that of Order. And his quote before that really makes everything extremely ironic:
“If we had never experienced solitude, how could we embark on different paths?”
Once again, this solitude refers to the times when he still completely followed Harmony. Yet he was the only person on the entire Penacony because of his great compassion, who actually followed what Xipe preached. Yet, in this he was alone. How can you be in Harmony with anyone, if you are alone. The irony is in the fact, that if Robin didn’t leave Penacony, of if he met another genuine believer, he wouldn’t have turn to Order and he would remain under Xipe. With many similarities of Order and Harmony: the epitome of Order is loneliness, being a sole ruler of everything, the epitome of Harmony is a unity of numerous people.
“And thus, my talk about Sunday has concluded. Next part is about Ena.”
Ⅲ
While his monologue about history of Ena can also be interpreted as parts above, it is much more interesting to discuss it when talking about Ena THEMSELVES.
“Let us commence with the dawning of the world… After the Dusk Wars, darkness veiled the sky, and chaos consumed the earth. Ena the Order emerged, destined to restore all existence. That marked the first day.”
The Dusk Wars are one of the most ancient (if not the most) periods of history we know about. Ena emerging at that time, makes THEM one of the oldest Aeons alongside Long, Hooh, Qlipoth and Oroboros.
” THEY gathered nebulae and forged them into picks, thus creating a grand lyre with black and white keys. Strike the white keys, and the sun rose. Strike the black keys moon and the rose. And so the cycle of day and night arose. That marked the second day. “
“THEY transmuted streams of stars into inked nibs, creating symbols to be pronounced and counted. THEY molded stardust into flowing rivers, assigning the righteous upstream and the unjust downstream. Thus, all things were marked and the world learned to discern between good and evil. That marked the third and fourth days. “
“THEY used the planetary rings to establish the law, forging a code of conduct among the masses. A grand lyre with black and white symbols of articulation and numerical notation took the form of musical notes. The downward-flowing river became a melody, and the cannon of law dictated the form. Thus, all mortals found their unique place within this symphony. That marked the fifth and sixth days. “
Ena, as we know was a control freak, at much bigger scale and extent, then Sunday could have ever hoped to become. We know that «Ena's harmonic songs seems to align within a three-dimensional framework, akin to an emperor maintaining hierarchical order among all creatures» Not only people, but the movement of celestial bodies were under THEIR control. THEY wanted to and almost controlled everything in the known cosmos. So, THEY were the only person responsible for everything. And when THEY were consumed, the manager of everything disappeared and the scales of order and discord lost their balance. That is why Hooh intervened and took THEIR responsibilities.
“THEY imbued world with meaning, perfecting all things in the heavens and earth. Then, THEY rested from the labors of creation. Yet, all beings cried to Ena – ‘Under the banner of the Order, you have defined all things in the Cosmos… but this made us realize that we are but puppets in your hands!’ – Thus, on that day, all beings united and cast the Aeon into the abyss of oblivion. That marked the seventh day. “
And this is the most interesting part. We know that Ena was consumed by Xipe, so why does Sunday refer to THEIR death as an action, made by humans?
As we know, Xipe “hails from multiple harmonious celestial words”, “a plural Aeon” and “THEY are the amalgamation of thousands of entities”. Thus, I pose that Xipe ascension was not a process of accension of a one person who somehow become an Aeon, but rather that several beings in a moment of unity (of “harmony”) were ascending as one. Next bit is purely theoretical:
But who could provide such unity before the existence of Harmony? Only the Beyond the Sky Choir – followers of Ena could understand the true extent of Ena’s control over everything and unify to create a change. Thus, mortals ascended into Aeon, befitting their shared beliefs, and from the Beyond the Sky Choir, Xipe arose with a new symphony of Harmony.
ⅠⅤ
Also, some other interesting bits from 2.2. storyline:
The most overlooked part of 2.2 quest for me is that part before boss battle when Sunday says that he doesn’t intend to either resurrect Ena or become a new Aeon of Order. While the actual possibility of such actions remains “enigmatic, we can now speculate that it could be possible to take control of a masterless Path or revive its master. I speculate that when we finally reach strongest Emanators level of poweallies/etc. the enemies we will be facing before actual Aeons will be unique beings like that: fallen Aeons in the process of resurrection or people in the process of becoming a new Aeon of a Path without one.
Another interesting bit of lore about Ena is that while she was “consumed” by Xipe, her Path still lingers in the cosmos masterless. While it was known about Paths of other fallen Aeons it is interesting that even assimilation by a broader concept Aeon isn’t enough to completely eradicate the Path from the face of the cosmos.
Some other connections that I noticed about Sunday while rewatching 2.2 quest were surprising even for me. Name a planet where the ruler intentionally left their subordinates in ignorance about the truth about the events for the sole reason of protecting them? It’s Belobog with Bronya and Seele (I could talk about similarities and differences of Bronya and Sunday but that would make already long post even longer). And this is why Ena was able to persuade Qlipoth. Because Qlipoth shares with THEM that general theme of protection. Because their Paths partly overlap. Because Preservation is about keeping everything dangerous behind the walls (in this case dangerous information about Cocolia), and everything inside the walls is safe, protected, or you could say “in Order”.
Ⅴ
P.S. I feel like in this quest there is still so much more to discuss(and I could write EVEN MORE), but this long wall of text is already too out of character from me as a humble follower of Enigmata.

I’m posting this for anyone else who also loves complicated patterned shirts but has trouble finding decent ones. I’ll start off by saying YIUME does a great job with their initial presentation; the quality of their site, visuals, marketing copy, etc. Maybe YIUME was a legit brand at one point (“David’s Wear”?) and got bought out, but it's a Chinese-owned company located in Causeway Bay, Hong Kong
- These $100+ YIUME shirts are drop shipped directly from China but you won’t know until the order is placed. I won’t bore you with the details of why drop shipping from China is vastly different than selling clothing (made in China) from a US warehouse, but it certainly makes the return process a pain in the ass
- Super thin cotton; there’s nothing that feels good about these
- Sizing is completely off. I ordered a large and it was comically oversized (think XXL)
- Worst customer service I’ve ever dealt with. In fact this is why I’m wasting my time posting a review to Reddit, just in case someone is considering YIUME. Your inquiries will either go completely ignored or take days for a response. Most annoyingly, though, their unsubscribe button DOES NOT work no matter how many times you click it (and you will click it a lot with how much spam they send). They will claim it’s some rare issue yet it’s happened with multiple email addresses that I did not even provide\*
\ this is a new marketing tactic that matches your IP address to giant email databases, finds a match, and then signs you up for a newsletter without ever providing consent*
Anyway, rant over. I’m posting this in hopes that it will rank on Google and prevent the next complicated patterned shirt person from blowing $$ on Temu quality clothing

Hey all, had a question that I figured this sub would have more experience answering. I'm in the final interview stages with this new J1 however they think I'm still at my previous job that I left about 2 months ago. Once I realized they thought this, I figured it was too late since we were already far along in the interview process.
My concern is that if I receive an offer and they do a background check, my employment dates will come up as a red flag. I checked my TWN and my last 2 jobs are not on there, not sure if it's due to them being startups, but I was at the latest one for 3 years. Would I be in the clear if it's not showing up on my TWN? Or am I overreacting and should be fine as long as my criminal record is clean?

I decided to pursue my music career after New Years. I thought that it would be so easy since I knew how to sing But now that I’m into a see the hard work that goes into. being a artist requires so much work you constantly have to record vocals in perfect pitch. You have to do production. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to lay down and go outside. It feels like I work at a real job But 0 pay. I feel so drained should I give up?

Hey everyone! I’m new to Reddit and on mobile, so apologies for any formatting errors and for the length of this post.
Basically, I have a name picked out. I use it on all my socials that my family/friends don’t follow me on and when I need to give a name at a coffee shop/restaurant. Additionally, I work at a job where I have to introduce myself to customers and I’ve been using my chosen name when my boss isn’t around, and hearing myself say it (and hearing customers address me by it) has been really validating for me. I’m pre-everything (hoping to start T when I can get an appointment with a trans-friendly doctor in my town) and don’t pass as masc super well despite my best efforts so being referred to by a masculine name felt really good. The main problem is that I’m struggling with how to tell people.
At this point, I’m fine with using my chosen name as more of a nickname, with my legal name being on documents and the like. I’ve mentioned it to my parents and they’ve been super supportive of everything. I just don’t know how to broach the subject with people who’ve known me my whole life, especially since I haven’t really found a definite label for myself in terms of gender. It’s a pretty traditionally masculine name, and while I’m pretty sure I’m some flavor of transmasc, I don’t think I’m 100% a trans man, if that makes sense (I’m using they/them pronouns, but I prefer masc terms of address to feminine ones (ie sir vs ma’am)). I’m probably overthinking this, but I’m worried they’ll think I’m jumping in too quickly or overthinking things. I really only came out as anything other than a cis woman this past December.
So, does anyone have any advice on how to start that conversation? Or, alternately, are there any reasons I shouldn’t/should wait a bit?

“Love, duty,… The machines had been built by men who had little use for such things, being like machines themselves. So they built new men, men without chests, father says. Men made stupid by the machines to serve their designs.” -Howling Dark, Chapter 65

Here Suzuha is telling Hadrian the history of the Mericanii. What’s interesting is that “men without chests” is a phrase and chapter title used by CS Lewis in The Abolition of Man. This book is Lewis’ critique of subjective/scientific morality, and a defence of traditional morality, which Lewis calls ‘the Tao’.

“We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.” -The Abolition of Man

I think these next two quotes illustrate that Hadrian and the Sollan Empire—even with all their flaws—try to conform to traditional morality or ‘the Tao’.

“Tao. It is the reality beyond all predicates, the abyss that was before the Creator Himself. It is Nature, it is the Way, the Road. It is the Way in which the universe goes on, the Way in which things everlastingly emerge, stilly and tranquilly, into space and time. It is also the Way which every man should tread in imitation of that cosmic and supercosmic progression, conforming all activities to that great exemplar.” -The Abolition of Man
“The Empire is a river, it has currents and a course. And while our movement may be limited—we are always limited. By our bodies, as you correctly noted. By our minds, by nature itself. Freedom is accepting those limitations and responding to them with humility. We cannot change nature.” -Kingdoms of Death, Chapter 14

This contrasts with other societies like the Lothrians, Extras, Demarchists, and the Mericanii, who embrace a scientific morality or try to transcend morality. But even when rejecting traditional morality they cannot escape the Tao.

“What purport to be new systems or (as they now call them) ‘ideologies’, all consist of fragments from the Tao itself, arbitrarily wrenched from their context in the whole and then swollen to madness in their isolation, yet still owing to the Tao and to it alone such validity as they possess.” -The Abolition of Man
“sweeping away the old is like knocking the foundations of a tower out from under your feet. Tradition grounds a man. Even for you Lothrians it is so.” -Kingdoms of Death, Chapter 14

Even if the Lothrians pride themselves for sweeping away traditional morality, their Lothriad still carry’s echos of the Tao:

“Let each toil for the good of all. Let there be bread, and board, and good order for all who toil.” -Kingdoms of Death, Chapter 10

The Lothrians and ancient Mericanii were also ruled by a class of people CS Lewis would call “conditioners”. We see humans being treated like livestock. The Chairs of the Lothrian Commonwealth need not adhere to the strict linguistic rules which they enforce. Similarly, we learn in Disquiet Gods that “American Princes” still managed the Mericanii machines without subjecting themselves to a cancerous fate. Lewis’ worst case scenario—the abolition of man—is realized in the Sun Eater universe.

“the man-moulders of the new age will be armed with the powers of an omnicompetent state and an irresistible scientific technique: we shall get at last a race of conditioners who really can cut out all posterity in what shape they please.” -The Abolition of Man
“critics may ask ‘Why should you suppose they [conditioners] will be such bad men?’ But I am not supposing them to be bad men. They are, rather, not men (in the old sense) at all. They are, if you like, men who have sacrificed their own share in traditional humanity in order to devote themselves to the task of deciding what ‘Humanity’ shall henceforth mean. ‘Good’ and ‘bad’, applied to them, are words without content: for it is from them that the content of these words is henceforward to be derived.” -The Abolition of Man

Hadrian does not believe that humans need to be conditioned. He sees that while the Sollan Empire has flaws (like slavery and their Palatine eugenics system), the empire is not trying to change what humanity is.

“At least the Empire protects humanity… Humanity. And mankind. The Commonwealth’s ideals were as toxic to the human animal as the surgeries and augmentations the Extrasollarians enjoyed. Each saw humanity as a problem to solve.” -Kingdoms of Death, Chapter 14

P.S. I think Sun Eater is so great on rereads for reasons like this. I made so many more connections like this on my reread. On a surface level it’s a fun story, but there are also profound themes. Btw thanks for reading if you made it this far, I know this is a bit long.

As of the last couple of years, I've been having an almost insatiable desire to be outdoors more and explore. I grew up playing outside every minute I could as a kid, but as time went on and technology boomed, that faded a bit. I've always been an active gamer (still am) but would drop that in a heartbeat to go on a hike or somewhere new.
Only within the last couple of years have I had a job that can actually facilitate me traveling and taking roadtrips. I've visited many national parks and simply can't get enough. The way life moves out there is nourishing in an unexplainable way compared to the structured, "tame" and flat society of the Midwest.
To me, being able to disconnect and just be in the moment has been incredibly beneficial to my mental well-being while taking in what nature does best.
Is there anyone else who has been noticing or feeling this trend build?

TL’DR: Unreal- show about reality tv production- having scary parallels to Bravo. Do you or anyone you know work or has worked in reality tv and and give us the real tea?
Y’all - I have been watching this show called UnReal (free on Tubi if you want to check it out). It’s a scripted show about a reality tv show production except more like the bachelor than a VPhousewives type of show. Anywho - it is crazy to see what the BTS of a reality tv production might look like. It has given me a new prospective on everything.
In the show I’m watching, producers are assigned to specific cast members and are incentivized with bonuses to manipulate the cast to act in whichever way makes better tv. They are meant to connect with cast, have them trust them, learn their insecurities/deepest darkest fears, and use that against them, while seemingly (to the cast) making it that production is looking out for them and has good intentions 🙄 this relates to something Stassi said recently in the podcast talking about Taylor swifts new album. (Source: https://www.instagram.com/p/C6JaUKLgOfY/?igsh=MXVvbHpuczF6MWRiag==) She mentioned something that she was rewarded on VPR for bad behavior (screen time, attention, “star of show”) which is confusing. She says that then when she turned into this bad person they wanted her to become, she was kicked to the curb. Now, Stassi started this show as an adult, and ultimately, how she acts in any given situation is totally up to her. But in this show I’m watching, the lengths they will go to get “good tv” is bonkers. Total disregard to the person who has been manipulated into a character that is entertaining to watch. It is an abusive relationship I can only imagine messes people up for awhile. (this does not excuse Stassi’s awful and racist behavior, just her account of what it was like to be on VPR)
Something else that felt scary similar to this show and something Andy Cohen has said regarding the reality reckoning. In UnReal, the main character of the show is a producer lady who goes back and forth on loving the job/adrenaline and hating herself and hating hurting others. At one point, she claims that her job is about helping people. When asked who it is she helps, she says the X amount of people who watch this show is who she is helping. That basically ruining the lives of a small number of people for the greater sake of entertaining the audience (us) is worth it. When AC was asked about the reality reckoning of it all back when it first happened (Oct/Nov 2023), this was his response (source: https://www.etonline.com/andy-cohen-reacts-to-reality-tv-reckoning-amid-bravocon-exclusive-214199?amp) "You know what I'm doing, I am focusing on the joy that these shows bring people and everyone here is so happy and they're happy to embrace our 170 Bravo-lebrities that are here, that are happy to be here and embrace the shows themselves, So, that's really where I'm at. I'm in a place where I'm living my joy, like Oprah."
Idk it’s all a lot to take in. Has anyone else watched this show and thinking the same thing? Does anyone work in reality tv or know anyone who does for the real tea? I would love to get insight from someone who actually has experience working on a set.

Gf (24f) wants to pull back and get her mind clean on what she wants in life. 24F has desire to back into missionary work, also start school for surg tech and also keep our friendship/relationship. We both got out of bed relationships and pretty much "saved" each other 6 months ago. We work very well together but I don't fulfill her on a spiritual basis(she's a bit non-denominational/goes to worship and praise; I was raised Catholic but don't follow religion) we both developed a deep love and caring for each other to the point we call each "best friends" We started off as coworkers and now she has left the job to start another but the new job has been dragging feet during the hiring process. (We both work in medical; was supposed to start on 05/01 and as of 05/14 hasn't started yet.) I've showed interest in her hobbies and vise versa. We've described it as puzzle pieces that fit except just one thing: the spiritual aspect. We both cried when we first talked about this and then again when we could sit down again. Communication has gone from constant to barely short worded responses. How do I get my self emotionally through this "waiting period" to know if we are going to be in each other life's. How do I make sure I don't over step and make things worse and push her away? Is the relationship over at this point?

Essentially, in November I hooked up with someone twice who was here on a business training and otherwise lives in NYC. Our time together went far beyond sexual and we wound up in deep conversations and laughing hard together and I slept over at his hotel both nights. I feel extremely intensely and felt ENAMORED by this person and completely mesmerized and I swear I had never felt that way about a man before. I just felt such a deep connection. I know that he felt connected to me too based on our discussions, but to be fair probably nowhere near as intensely as I did (again I experience my emotions at an enormous amount of intensity and this is something I continue to work on in therapy lol).
We ended up keeping in touch from November all the way until now, and again, largely initiated by me but he always engaged back and sometimes did initiate himself. A lot of it was very flirtatious both ways, but that started to get difficult for me and we had a conversation about it and he basically expressed to me that while he likes me a lot he doesn’t want to do long distance (our cities are about 4 hours driving apart). After that our texts became more platonic but we still texted rather often, and joked that we were each other’s pen pals. He even mailed me a book.
Then, this past Wednesday, I had tickets to a concert in NYC right in his neighborhood. I texted him that I was there, not expecting to see him and meant it more just as a playful “I’m in your neighborhood,” but he asked me why and when I told him the concert he bought tickets immediately on the spot, sending me a screenshot and everything, and also said let’s get drinks beforehand and told me where and when to meet him. Of course I was very excited. And the night ended up being just so good. We got drinks, were very physical and touchy with each other, made out the whole concert, and then ended up going back to his place and having sex. Before we had sex he said some very kind things about me and how much he liked me, and that he wanted me, but that anything long distance has never worked for him and that he didn’t think it would be healthy for us. I agreed blah blah though I would do long distance with him in a second and honestly because I’m insane I would probably even move to New York lol as I was planning to in a year anyways and would like to switch jobs.
Anyways, since Wednesday my extreme feelings have been full-blown reignited. We have continued to text sporadically. I feel SO strongly about him and care so much and really deeply want something with him, even if it can’t be an “official long distance relationship” right now. I have never expressed to him just how much I like him (although frankly it is probably obvious in my behavior) and how serious I would be about having something with him, and I am wondering if it’s worth doing this because the worst that could happen is he just reaffirms his no?! Should I just let it go and accept that our situation is just not conducive to being together and that he doesn’t want to do long distance, or should I at least first express how strongly I feel? From an outsider perspective does it seem obvious that there is absolutely no hope?

I (33F) worked at a hotel from the age of 19 and fell in love with the industry. Because of this I got an associate degree in hospitality management and within 5 years found myself as a Director of Sales (DOS). I was really good at my job; so good, in fact, that we were able to get government employees to stay with us paying the difference out of their own pocket. For context –
Government rate was $89.00, guests would pay $109.99.
Please note that hotels are allowed to limit the amount of government rate rooms they give out and are not required to provide the government rate all the time.
My hotel was a sizable, profitable, and specialized hotel that was a magnet for businesses and government employees alike. And during this time there was a huge government event happening in town. My hotel was visited by many different government group leaders asking for the government rate and one leader agreed to sign a contract for the $109.99 rate, we’ll call this leader Jim.
Jim and I got along wonderfully; he was grateful to stay at my hotel and so was the rest of his team… well, all but one.
This one, a male in his late 50s maybe early 60s came to the front desk one day to inquire about getting a room for the time of the event. The conversation went through the normal ringers of the guest attempting to negotiate the rate and my front desk agent (FDA) responding she couldn’t do it and the rate was $109.99. This man, “Kevin”, began to bark orders at the FDA who stood there taking it until she couldn’t anymore. “I’ll get my manager” was her final response to him before she came to me.
My office was nearby, and I heard the whole thing. She came into my office and took some deep breathes. “FDA, please sit down, have some water and I’ll take care of this.” I made sure she could collect herself before I went out to greet him and here’s the conversation that happened.
Me: Hello sir, you had a question about our rates?
Kevin: Yes, I’m with Jim’s group, my name is Kevin McKevinstian and we have a negotiated rate here.
Me: Yes! Jim agreed to the $109.99 rate, when would you like your reservation to begin.
Kevin: That’s not the government rate, the government rate is $89, and we can only get refunded $89.
Me: I understand but we aren’t offering the government rate, we are offering the negotiated rate of $109.99 or the standard rate of $209.99.
Kevin: But the government rate is $89.
Me: Yes, I’m aware but we aren’t offering it, would you like the rate of $109.99.
Kevin: This is not a smart business move, you should be giving all your hotel rooms for the government rate and filling up your hotel.
Me: While I appreciate your advice, that’s not the direction we’re taking.
Kevin – seeing my nametag as “DOS”: Do you have a degree?
Me, a bit shocked: Yes, I do, my degree is in hospitality management.
Kevin: What level is your degree?
Me: I don’t believe that’s any of your concern. Now would you like this room at the $109.99 rate?
Kevin: No, you should give it to me at the $89. It’s a better business practice to open all your rooms for the $89 so you can fill your hotel. You need to go back to school and study business. The hotel will not be financially successful if you don’t take the government employees at the government base. It’s bad business.
Me: I won’t be doing that at this moment, and I will not be providing any rooms at the government rate. Would you like this room at the $109.99? We only have a limited amount of these rooms, so I suggest you make that choice now.
Kevin: No, I will take my business elsewhere and you need to go back to school.
And he leaves.
After taking a few deep breathes I returned to my office to be praised by my FDA only to be laser focused on my desk. I flicked open my email and started a new email that said something to the extent of this –
“Hi Jim,
Hopefully you’re well. I need to inform you of an interaction I just had with one of your employees. (insert above interaction summary, not done for word count guidelines). Upon his exit I’m here to email you in case he comes to you with his version of the story. I do not wish to harm our working relationship together, but I was stunned enough by this interaction that I felt you needed to know.
Thank you and have an amazing day.”
About 10 minutes later, Jim emailed me back apologizing profusely for the attitude of his employee and assured me he would handle it from here. I heard a few days later that Kevin went and stayed at another hotel for the government rate and was fired from his position because his mistreatment of many staff members from both the committees he was working with and those hotel staff members. Jim brought me apology cookies which I shared with my FDA as she took a lot of the crap from Kevin, and we all lived happily ever after… except for Kevin who lost his job. Oh well.