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2015.04.02 21:48 The Official Yandere Simulator Subreddit
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2019.07.11 13:20 VapeyMcGyver Switching from tobacco to vapor products: a global collection of experiences
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2022.01.23 21:00 trojee_badojee MMsHedge
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2024.05.14 16:30 Corruptfun As If It Were Kismet Prologue & Chapters 1-5
As If It Were Kismet: Prologue
Matt tore through the brush, blind in the dark. He didn’t care where he was going. He only knew he needed to be elsewhere. Far from here.
Behind him a creature howled that shocked his mind. It’s form was cruel and dangerous, though female. Nothing like the young woman she had once been. Nothing but a girl, a small and slight female.
It’s guttural growls and howls only grew closer as Matt tried to pick between seeing where he was going and getting away. The few times he looked he caught sight of the creature behind him. Hopping through the air with a speed that told him he was being toyed with. As if he were a mouse being played with by a cat.
But the reflex in him to run kept him going. His adrenaline going as hard as it could. The tightness and burning in his core tensing and locking up as his legs felt like there were being burned from within while taking on more of a heaviness.
His lungs were starting to betray him as he tried to gulp big breaths of air but only rapid and shallow breaths were all that he could manage. His brain was starting to burn….and then he was falling.
Falling down the side of a hill he saw the creature dart in a spring towards him, imperceivably fast almost. Catching him in mid air it seemed.
Managing to wrap its body around him and cushion his impact against the ground as they rolled. His mind barely took in what was happening during the roll. Only starting to understand what was happening once they were still.
The creature's triple D-cup breasts were unmistakably pressed hard against his back as he laid facing up at the night sky.
For a few seconds the world stilled and the needle light pain hitting the center of his brain took over for the cooking heat his brain had felt. His whole body felt heavy and reluctant to move.
Even if he could have really moved, a dull ache came over his limbs making them feel stilled and trapped as if by immeasurable amounts of sand that had engulfed him.
Slowly the arms holding him started to move. Moving so the creature's hands could start exploring him. Causing Matt to unstoppably let out a pathetic moan that made him go cold inside as hands lifted up his shirt and started to touch his exposed stomach and then his chest.
He would have whimpered so pathetically had he not still been in the depths of terror.
As its hands felt and groped his pecs he tried to situp as if to get away. For his efforts, his reward was a hand around his throat and a collection snarls and growls against his ear. A beastly, guttural voice spat words at him while somehow holding a feminine tone.
“Don’t move….I don’t know if I can calm down…”
Her words were not helped by her moans in his ear and the subsequent kissing of his ear. The flesh of his ear going between her lips as she moaned and seemed to pant. Releasing it and licking the side of his face with a moist warmth. He could feel its spittle, viscous and coating his flesh where the tongue touched. He could smell something in his saliva. Something that subtly entranced him.
Matt went stock still with fear and the confusion of mixed arousal. He barely perceived her right hand traveling lower on his body. A surprised moan and shudder echoed in the night from Matt’s lips as she took ahold of him. Her hand above his pants but still….stimulating him.
A light squeezing and almost probing of her digits kept him aroused and confused within her grasp. Resigning himself to the strange fate, Matt looked up at the stars as his mind tried not to shatter under the strange maelstrom of events and sensation that had started mere minutes ago.
His mind was only more confused as a slight figure, feminine in build, how it seemed to thunk the ground audibly as she landed on her feet out nowhere. Her knees barely bending under the pressure of the landing. Yet dirt was kicked up anyways and some of it onto Matt. Feeling it pepper his shirt and pants as it fell.
The figure, lit only faintly by moonlight, roared some dark tone Matt could only perceive as a demon as her eyes went bright with a crimson light. A light in the darkness that should not have been. “Let him go you bitch.” Was its words following the roar. Spittle escaping its mouth with faint droplets hit Matt's face.
The creature holding him by his throat and crotch seemed to tighten the grasp of both hands as it roared back. “HE IS MINE!”
The figure paused with a moment's hesitation. He was also her quarry. She had felt his fear without him knowing. His confused arousal. His fear. His terror.
And now he laid at the center of a struggle between two monsters. Unsure of who he wanted to win.
As If It Was Kismet Ch. 1
Matthew Berkshire hadn’t seen his mom in two years. Not that he had seen her much over the last six years.
A messy divorce between messy people and mom’s chaotic want for a life in Alaska had been one of the most…upsetting times in life. Setting him up for so much of what had defined his life thus far but then that had really started two years before he ever turned.
His ear buds were basic and simple. A part of cheap five pack, common for his life as he was known to lose little things. Small things. They had a mix of metal and hard rock playing in them. Some classics, some alternative. Whatever made him feel something, anything. Even if it was hate. Anger. Rage. It was better than feeling numb. Not belonging.
The escalator down to his lone bag to go with his lone carry on showed his mom waiting for him. His had a type, that’s for damn sure. Not that it helped him in the genetics department as he was stuck at 5’9” to go along with his mother’s five foot even as his dad stood six foot. Forever leaving him to feel small, to pale, under his dad’s shadow. Did he ever stand a chance?
The guy next to her with the unkempt former seventies porn stache was “Dave.” He’d met him twice when his mother came and visited him in Florida. To his credit the guy didn’t look annoyed. Kind of concerned kind of which made Matthew want to break his frozen look but he was well practiced. Having removed any note of sadness from his face through much…tribulation.
His mother’s look on her face betrayed a hint of worry as the bruises on his face lightly showed up close. Saying his name was his like a distant echo that belonged to someone else.
Dave cut in and pulled out his right headphone. “What the hell bud, they knock you hard enough to hurt hearing? Your mom’s asking how you are doing.”
Matthew pulled out the other bud and grunted an empty “sorry.”
“You still have bruises after two week? What did they do to you?” His mom’s voice was full of worry. Something he hadn’t heard in….too long. Too long to make him feel anything. To ever make him believe there was any sincerity to her words. To not think her voice and mannerisms were an act. An act by someone who…wasn’t really there.
“It’s only fair. I took a nose. Fractured a couple orbital bones. Left one with having to get his jaw wired shut. And one will never walk right again for what I did to his knee cap.” Matthew said it all with a bored and disinterested tone. Perhaps well rehearsed.
“My man, handing out ass kickings, not bothering to take names.” Dave was quick to be the typical man’s man about it. Matthew wasn’t quite done yet. Lifting up his shirt to expose the right side near his kidney. Revealing a nasty scar from a six inch blade. “Luckily they gave me this first so they could rule it all in self-defense. The fuck didn’t get it in more than inch before I ruined his knee cap and then I took the nose of one of the fucks holding me.” Now he chose to smile keeping the well practiced dead look in his eyes.
No retorts. No questions. Just horrified looks on their faces. As he liked. As he preferred. They could hate him. They could be disgusted by him. But by God they would fear him.
“Well the doc did a good job sewing you up.” Dave commented uncomfortably. “Dissolving sutures. Ain’t they grand.” He smiled again and let it abruptly fall off his face and started walking to the carousel for the baggage claim.
Waiting and making small talk with Dave as his mother stood in silence. He was not the little boy she abandoned. The little boy she left with an angry man. While never hitting him. Left him in constant fear till he turned twelve and just didn’t care anymore. Something snapped. Broke. And he didn’t care if he died. Didn’t care if he stole. Didn’t even care if he killed. He just knew not to get caught. Something left over from his grandfather’s wisdom which came to make more and more sense with each passing year of life since that thing inside him broke.
Finally his bag came around and Dave went to try first to grab it but Dave practically leapt ahead of him. “Is that your grandfather’s rucksack bag?” his mother asked in a perplexed voice.
“Figured it’s been around since Viet Nam. So it’d serve me better than any of the worthless stuff they called luggage.” Dave commented after Matthew’s words. “Well hell yeah I still got mine from Desert Storm. You know the first one.” Dave laughed and Matthew eyed him oddly. Be it in the south or whether it was Alaska, country boys are country boys he guessed.
The car ride to the two people’s house, as Matthew thought of them. Was uneventful and full of vistas he imagined metropolitan types wetting themselves over. At most they meant isolation to him. Furtherness from the world as there were no mountains in Florida. And what mountains he had last seen in another state had been when he was eight. Another life, to Matthew it felt like. A life alien to him.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 2
Dave and his mom’s place was some two story type tucked into a tree line far up an elevated point. It was by no means the highest point in the mountain but it certainly felt up there.
Rocks were where the driveway should have been Matthew thought. Grabbing his backpack and rucksack from Dave’s jeep was no hard thing for him. Matthew was in formidable shape for someone his age, maybe even five years older. He had gotten a mix of fairly big shoulders and arms along with the chest to go for it when compared to most kids his age. A side effect of working out at least twice a day. First thing in the morning, some time in the evening, and the school’s gym when had had a good semester in school before he had to leave Florida.
Dave tried to come up and help him but Matthew walked past him towards the house. His mom was not sure what to make of his demeanor. Matthew was not the sweet kind boy he had once been. But she had been gone from his life essentially for a long time.
Ushering him into the house she cracked some joke he did not hear. He was too busy looking about and seeing a mix of old outdated decorating mixed with the strange and odd flair of his mother. Color contrasting against drab and dated. Like brightly painting over an old home that was falling apart he thought.
“Your room is this way Mattie.” His mom brightly intoned.
Without expressing any interest he followed his mother. Still faced and nonplussed. Just going along with the current. Pushed and pulled with its roll like a piece of driftwood.
The room was simple. A single small bed. A set of rubber weights with a curl bar and barbells. “Your dad said you were into weight lifting so we got you a bunch of stuff. Dave says it looks like his department’s gym almost. The woman’s smile felt very alien to him.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ve got most of my stuff from home.” Matthew starting unpacking his rucksack and pulled out cables of repetitive and mixed colors. A single plastic barbell handle. The ruck sack could be filled with water bottles for added weight during pushups he figured. Remembering a Michael Keaton movie he watched with his dad post-Batman movies where he played a convicted killer using plastic bags filled with water for weights.
Matthew caught movement outside his lone fairly large window that could let him step out onto the roof of the house given its layout.
He saw a number of people running together through what he guessed was the backyard of the property, not that it had any fences to mark boundaries
They wore clothes that looked similar yet different from each other at the same time.”Oh those are the Johnston’s. Really nice bunch of people. Been on the mountain for a long time Dave tells me.”
Matthew looked at the group of people running and noticed the lack of resemblance. “They are related?” Matthew quizzically asked. Seeing a black and possibly a hispanic person amongst the bland looking white people.
“Oh well they are all adopted but for one or two of them…besides the parents of course. The family has a long tradition of taking in orphans they say. Real nice of them to do that don’t you think.”
Matthew looked at his mother and the hosier accent made no sense to him as he arched his left eye brow. Her and his dad were both from Florida. Born and raised. Sure her parents were from New York city but…
Matthew shook his lightly without turning to look at his mother as his vision was grabbed by one of the runners in particular. A girl of moderate height. Soft brunette. A plain beauty he figured with a slim build….and lack of remarkable breasts and rear to make any note of but….girls in general were his type at his age.
She was pretty enough. He couldn’t deny that but he found himself transfixed by her visage.
But the way she turned and looked at him, especially at that distance felt very disconcerting to him. Even if she was smiling like…she was a taste of a bright shiny day. Somehow.
Matthew’s mom noticed the exchange and smiled to herself with closed lips. “Oh that’s Vicky. She’s your age I think. Very sweet girl, who does the charity functions. You know bake sales, blood drives, car washes and the like. I think you should get to know her. Might be good for you.”
A truck horn sounded a couple of beeps in rather succession. “Oh that must be Mack, he said he might come by later this evening but he seems early.”
Matthew’s mother turned and left his room. Leaving Matthew to exchange a few looks with the alluring Vicky as she turned her head away from him to talk to the others in her group and look back at him.
Still Matthew’s left eyebrow was arched. In a way that reminded him of Spock from Star Trek that he and his grandpa used to watch on some streaming service or another.
As he heard ambient chatter elsewhere outside the house he figured to check it out as the alluring sight of Vicky would be around he figured. It was dull to stare at artwork. He was a boy who preferred jet skis and the like. Something he could ride and enjoy immensely. Even if at times it got him stabbed.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 3
Matthew sauntered out of the house and down the rockway that stood in for a driveway.
A few new people had come over from what he could first surmise of the situation. As he got closer it was obvious they were indigenous people. A couple of grown men…and a girl?
She was mousey. Maybe five foot. Hiding behind glasses and a big camo jacket that was far too big for her. It looked made for a grown man and the backwards trucker hat on her head kept her long black a beautiful mess of sorts.
She was cute in a way. A little androgynous but she had a cute energy to her. She reminded him of the more tomboyish Puerto Rican girls he had gotten into back in Florida. Given the deer corpses in the back of the truck….probably more dangerous to play with given the men in her family.
Small chatter passed between the adults when the girl noticed but turned away, trying to hide the tiny hint of a smile.
“Oh Mattie, this is Mack. He works with Dave at the sheriff’s department and John, he’s with fish and wildlife.” Matthew nodded at his mom’s words with some blankness as he looked at the deer the in the back of the pickup truck.
“Gale tells us you hunted with your dad some in Florida and Georgia.” Mack offered with a light hearted laugh camouflaged by his big simple and cheery but husky way he spoke.
Looking in the back of the truck he spoke. “We used lever action thirty-thirties and Mosin Nagants in seven-six-two-fifty-four-rimmed.” Mack and John whistled in an exaggerated fashion. Leaving Matthew to wonder if they were mocking him.
Mack spoke. “Well we just used thirty-odd-six in a custom gussied Garand.” That caught Matthew’s attention. “You have a Garand…” Matthew finally demonstrated interest in anything. “My dad has an SVT-40 and a Hakim 8mm but he always wanted a Garand but was too cheap to buy one.”
Gale, his mother, chimed in loudly. “Oh his Dad loved his guns but was such an odd duck about how he bought or why he bought them. Never made sense to me how he wasn’t a collector but he didn’t get the latest and greatest.” Gale laughed uncomfortably. At least it seemed that way to Matthew.
Matthew pointed to the girl with an underhanded pointing hand. “And who is this? A cute little mute mouse or does she have a name?” Dave and the other men laughed.
Mack again spoke. “Well you people call her Rebecca, she’s my adopted daughter.” Matthew was taken aback by what he heard. “You people?”
Rebecca kindly spoke with a soft but almost melodic voice as she struggled to maintain eye contact. “White people or rather not members of our tribe. It’s just easier to appease the colonizer kind of thing. Borrowed from when the Jesuit missionaries chased us up here.”
Mack stepped in. “It’s just easier to have white people names than have them try to say our tribal names. And we don’t want them shortening or Anglicising our names kind of thing.” Rebecca stepped back into the conversation cutting off her adopted father. “It’s an insult to our history basically.”
Matthew cocked his head sideways raising his eyebrows shortly before letting them drop. “Well as soon as I’m eighteen I’m out of here and back to Florida so I’m a sort of involuntary colonizer of sorts. So I won’t be taking any of your land from you. The Seminoles on the other hand are still shit out of luck.”
Rebecca’s smile caused Matthew to reflexively smile. Mack made the moment more awkward. “See Becca, I told you someone off the reservation would like you some. You just have to be creative.” Mack laughed in a chiding manner…Matthew presumed. He sensed that he was the butt of some kind of cultural joke. Like marrying a white guy was some sort of insult or mark of shame. That kind of thing.
Rebecca turning away from him was not something he had been expecting. Her then getting in the truck in a huff left the group in a silence for a moment.
Dave spoke to break the awkward silence. “Well just bring the truck to work on Monday and leave it for me to grab up.” Mack acknowledged Dave and they started to get off as Rebecca looked at Matthew for another instance. Matthew couldn’t look away for some reason as the two seemed to lock eyes for an instance.
Till Vicky and family seemed to come jogging down the road. While Matthew’s eyes diverted from Rebecca’s. Hers did not till she realized he was looking elsewhere. And her vision found Vicky and what had been a hint of smile on her face turned glum and disappointed.
Matthew did not look away from the vision of Vicky but instead of a starry eyed fool looking longingly. It was a baffled look. Well baffled for him, with his eyes drawn narrow and night with a focus.
There was something about her…he couldn’t quite put a name too. The way she appeared to him. One second brunette. The next second blonde or blonde like. As if the color appeared in her air and disappeared in fractions of seconds. Much the same way her body almost seemed to…shift…very subtly…smoothly. A nicer bum. Larger breasts. And then back to a simple and plain form. Feminine no doubt. Attractive. But not so…remarkable.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 4
The next two days passed without incident. Nothing of any real substance or challenge to note.
Matthew got settled somewhat and started working out almost immediately. Exploring around the woods but Dave told him not to go far. Especially without a hunting rifle. Dave had left a simple semi-auto Winchester out for him. His bear gun as Dave referred to it with its four round magazine. But Matt figured till he got some practice with the rifle to leave it alone. He made a hiking stick like his grandpa taught him and treated it over a low fire. He would take some electrical tape for the end his hand would grip around. Plenty enough to ward off anything smaller than a bear he figured.
The ride to school was a pain in the neck but simple enough. Dave would let him use a clunker pickup truck he had laying around. It wasn’t pretty but it would get him to and from. Even if it was from the eighties and still backfired on occasion. But for now Dave and his mom took him on their way to the sheriff’s department.
It wasn’t much of a school. It wanted to be modern but its fifties original construction was very obvious. It serviced the pipeline families and familys’ of fisherman who worked the seasons in between their time at the pipeline.
Matt was to report to the principal for some reason Dave and his mom wouldn’t share. Which annoyed him but he figured it was to read him the law of land. Small towns with their big views of the outside world and like.
Dressed in jeans, a grey sweatshirt under a light jacket with steel toed boots set him more apart then he expected. His buzzed head didn’t help matters. Already he was feeling like a stranger in a strange land but he was quite strange after all. And he liked it that way. Normal people were so pathetically disappointing to him.
A secretary or assistant or some such led him to the principal’s office. Where it reeked of real wood that was old and fabric and upholstery that needed to be updated for the last twenty years, Matt figured.
“This is Matthew Berkshire, Principal Andrews.” The man was turned with his back to the door and he was quick to wave her off as he turned her around.
He was an older man. Fat and large. Tall with a body built like he had once been fit and a demeanour of annoyed and irate already as he fixed Matt with a scowl and look of disgust. Another worthless government whore. Matt thought to himself. His father and his grandfather had bestowed unto him a natural disrespect for government workers and the figures that wore unjustified authority as a shield but pretended the weight of the state was not at their back ready to crush all who resisted. Little figures of valor pretending to be mighty and alone but acting with the tyranny of the state and all the backing.
“Mr. Berkshire, please sit down.” His tone wasn’t unusually hostile, just gruff. As if he had better things to do.
Matt complied and took a seat in the chair while maintaining a friendly facade. Not everyone was an enemy. And not everyone needed to be an enemy. Even if anybody could be any enemy. There was no reason to make enemies you didn’t have to. Another of his grandfather’s bastardised wisdoms.
“Well I looked over you file and you have quite the history Mr. Berkshire.” Matt resisted qiuping back a joke. Instead he waited for Principal Andrews to continue as he remained nonplussed and looking as if he felt no need to respond. A simple head tilt with dead eyes looking back at the principle as if he was not even there would suffice.
Matt’s reaction or lack of a reaction rather made Principal Andrews only narrow his eyes with examination. He was not used to a kid not responding to him. Especially with his gruff and hard act going on.
“Well by all accounts you moved here after some problems at your last school. A fight broke out and you did some real harm to your fellow students it appears.” Of course, he would take the side of the perpetrators. School administrators always did. Especially when they weren’t white. Just a fact of the times. Cowardice and pathetic mediocrity was the way they leaned, like good government workers sucking the dick of Big Daddy government. Worthless whores.
Matt chose to reply. “Oh you mean the criminals that stabbed me. Got arrested at the hospital and then pled to felonies. Yeah Florida, with the American counties are good like that.” Principal Andrews went real still. No shame. No fear. No penitence. He didn’t like that.
“Well be it as it may Mr. Berkshire we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour here…” Matt cut him off responding with a deadpan tone. “You mean self-defense meant to save one’s own life while the cowardly and pathetic school workers look on with zero interest but to keep their money rolling in and will allow known gang members with records of violent acts and crimes that should have them expelled many times over, where in certain Democrat counties such cowardice and idiocy empowered a couple school shooters?”
Principal Andrews looked at the Matt with a note of disgust. “Look here Mr. Berkshire, your beliefs matter not one bit here. This isn’t Florida. We don’t like our way of life being disrupted by outside agitators who have problems with authority.”
Matt did his best not to roll his eyes and let the older fat man drone own as he dead-stared him. Lifeless and without emotion.
The man came to a finish and Matt spoke up without having listened to him or paid him any attention. “Great now that’s taken care of. Can I please get to class and finish my sentence of two years at your wonderful school?”
Principal Andrews huffed and snorted before calling in Vicky. Vicky stood in the corner after entering with a quiet and seamless presence. Matt felt disturbed and tried not betray his feelings as the young Vicky was perceived and not perceived to be moving.
Principal Andrews made the introductions and Matt nodded back. She was to be his chaperone for the day. They had the same classes and she was to show him the ropes so to speak. The ins and outs of the school. The locations of their classes.
He recognized her. It was hard not to. The way her appearance seemed to shift fluidly almost. The petite and skinny brunette ever so lightly had a big bust and blonde hair with curves added when she seemed to shift before his eyes. Like watching a film but each frame had a different person.
Matt didn’t say anything about it. Even if he did he would only be acknowledging his crazed state, if he had one. If.
Unlike an obedient puppy dog he got up in a slow and awkward fashion and followed behind her as his oddly disproportionate frame allowed. Causing her a note of concern for some reason. As if she was seeing something she shouldn’t have been….Or he was just weird. And Matt could admit to himself he was just weird. Part of his charm, he would jest about it at times. Not that he had many people to jest to now.
As If It Were Kismet Ch. 5
Following Vicky into the hall off to their first class was simple. She exchanged small talk and he slightly smiled as if to obviously suggest he was just being polite.
Inside his head, Matt was trying to figure out if he was having a psychotic break. The way Vicky looked kept changing and he looked at the other people around him and they stayed the same.
He was searching his mind as they were walking. And thus he wasn’t paying attention to where he was looking and so fell to his face forward over his feet seemingly out of nowhere.
A series of laughs erupted as it sunk in that he was obviously tripped. Like in prison this was a challenge to his superiority. If he let this pass he would be mocked and sneered at by this same group of boys. He wouldn’t walk to them like he was going to do nothing like a little bitch.
In a rage he turned and punched the stomach of the first face he saw. Some typical blonde haired wannabe jock. He knew from experience not to aim for the ribs. Instead he needed to aim for where he thought the belly button was.
Yells and screams blindly echoed around him as his after the punch he followed up his elbow of the opposite arm slamming into the face of the jock. Harder than a fist, the elbow struck the jock’s jaw and seemingly dropped him against a locker. Just in time to catch an errant and soft punch to the nose that sure enough hurt but did little to slow him down as his dad had taught him to fight through the pain. Blood and scars happened. They were a natural consequence of life to a man.
Taking the punch and falling further into his red state Matt headbutted the punch thrower before another guy arm bared his throat from behind. Which he managed to get his grip on the arm over a letterman jacked and jerk the unprepared boy to the side with him still latched on.
A few feet away from the lockers Matt knew his only chance was to jump and push off the lockers and knock the boy to the ground and so he did. He heard a thunk of the boy’s skull bouncing off the ground and he turned to pull out of the grapple.
The beatings he had taken from his father, the grapples, being choked unconscious. Had prepared him for fighting little bitches who didn’t know what a fight was. It wasn’t gay porn with rabbit punch fists flying.
Blood was running down his face and the pain started to hit him as the threats had been eliminated. Only then did he remember to breathe. Taking breathes as Vicky came up to him with tissues and took a hold of his nose.
“Owww owww owww what the fuck my nose could be broken.” He said to Vicky as she pulled his head up and back.
“It’s ok Carl. It’s done.” Matt tried to look to see who Vicky was talking to. It was a boy taller than his 5’9” by more than a small margin. The boy eyed him bored and annoyed before speaking. “What happened here?” An unoriginal line but one Matt couldn’t be a smart aleck about. “Well you see there was an outbreak of tripping and we all tripped over my dick. It happens.” Matt was about to laugh when Vicky seemed to pull up while still gripping his nose causing Matt no small amount of pain which he audibly evidenced.
Vicky spoke in a tone he wasn’t expecting. As if she was accustomed to issuing orders. “Keep Iris away from the hall till we sanitize the site. We have blood from at least three people contaminating the site. And have Jake bring me a spare jacket and shirt for this moron.”
Carl seemed to acknowledge her orders and seemed to blink away. Maybe the punch hit harder than he expected. He had no time to wonder as Vick took her hand away from his and pushed him against the lockers. With ease he had not been expecting from her form and stature.
Before he could respond Vicky licked his blood covered chin and then his lips and spoke to him. “Focus on me you little blood bag.” Her tone had an annoyed yet feminine sneer.
“Look into my eyes. Look at me. You belong to me. You are just another food source in a collection of food sources.” Her eyes were a beautiful hazel Matt thought. Almost green. Pretty like jewels in some old treasure collections. The eyes he could get lost in before kissing her. Finally Vicky was just a slight and petite brunette and he thought she was beautiful.
She would make a hell of a girlfriend. Some cute thing he could see laying on the beach in Florida on their sides laughing and smiling before trading light kisses while hands wandered innocently. Before his mind could drift further he felt her lips on his. It took him a second to mentally grasp the kiss but his arms were around her back as her hands were at his sides. His eyes reflexively closed as he saw hers close.
It was ineffable to Matt. Beyond words, what was happening. The kiss, the moments beforehand. The way his brain tickled with electricity and gentle warmth. He had never had a kiss like this and he had traded more than a few kisses with at least a few girls.
The kiss was like a warm bath with his consciousness slipping beneath the surface. Their lips only parted to try new angles and approaches as Matt struggled to take in breath. It was a moment he could have stayed trapped in for….he didn’t know. But a curt throat clearing by another girl pulled them out of the moment.
The girl was taller than Vicky. Blonde. With slight curves. Vicky addressed her bewildered and gobsmacked, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. “Tina?”
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Matt tore through the brush, blind in the dark. He didn’t care where he was going. He only knew he needed to be elsewhere. Far from here.
Behind him a creature howled that shocked his mind. It’s form was cruel and dangerous, though female. Nothing like the young woman she had once been. Nothing but a girl, a small and slight female.
It’s guttural growls and howls only grew closer as Matt tried to pick between seeing where he was going and getting away. The few times he looked he caught sight of the creature behind him. Hopping through the air with a speed that told him he was being toyed with. As if he were a mouse being played with by a cat.
But the reflex in him to run kept him going. His adrenaline going as hard as it could. The tightness and burning in his core tensing and locking up as his legs felt like there were being burned from within while taking on more of a heaviness.
His lungs were starting to betray him as he tried to gulp big breaths of air but only rapid and shallow breaths were all that he could manage. His brain was starting to burn….and then he was falling.
Falling down the side of a hill he saw the creature dart in a spring towards him, imperceivably fast almost. Catching him in mid air it seemed.
Managing to wrap its body around him and cushion his impact against the ground as they rolled. His mind barely took in what was happening during the roll. Only starting to understand what was happening once they were still.
The creature's triple D-cup breasts were unmistakably pressed hard against his back as he laid facing up at the night sky.
For a few seconds the world stilled and the needle light pain hitting the center of his brain took over for the cooking heat his brain had felt. His whole body felt heavy and reluctant to move.
Even if he could have really moved, a dull ache came over his limbs making them feel stilled and trapped as if by immeasurable amounts of sand that had engulfed him.
Slowly the arms holding him started to move. Moving so the creature's hands could start exploring him. Causing Matt to unstoppably let out a pathetic moan that made him go cold inside as hands lifted up his shirt and started to touch his exposed stomach and then his chest.
He would have whimpered so pathetically had he not still been in the depths of terror.
As its hands felt and groped his pecs he tried to situp as if to get away. For his efforts, his reward was a hand around his throat and a collection snarls and growls against his ear. A beastly, guttural voice spat words at him while somehow holding a feminine tone.
“Don’t move….I don’t know if I can calm down…”
Her words were not helped by her moans in his ear and the subsequent kissing of his ear. The flesh of his ear going between her lips as she moaned and seemed to pant. Releasing it and licking the side of his face with a moist warmth. He could feel its spittle, viscous and coating his flesh where the tongue touched. He could smell something in his saliva. Something that subtly entranced him.
Matt went stock still with fear and the confusion of mixed arousal. He barely perceived her right hand traveling lower on his body. A surprised moan and shudder echoed in the night from Matt’s lips as she took ahold of him. Her hand above his pants but still….stimulating him.
A light squeezing and almost probing of her digits kept him aroused and confused within her grasp. Resigning himself to the strange fate, Matt looked up at the stars as his mind tried not to shatter under the strange maelstrom of events and sensation that had started mere minutes ago.
His mind was only more confused as a slight figure, feminine in build, how it seemed to thunk the ground audibly as she landed on her feet out nowhere. Her knees barely bending under the pressure of the landing. Yet dirt was kicked up anyways and some of it onto Matt. Feeling it pepper his shirt and pants as it fell.
The figure, lit only faintly by moonlight, roared some dark tone Matt could only perceive as a demon as her eyes went bright with a crimson light. A light in the darkness that should not have been. “Let him go you bitch.” Was its words following the roar. Spittle escaping its mouth with faint droplets hit Matt's face.
The creature holding him by his throat and crotch seemed to tighten the grasp of both hands as it roared back. “HE IS MINE!”
The figure paused with a moment's hesitation. He was also her quarry. She had felt his fear without him knowing. His confused arousal. His fear. His terror.
And now he laid at the center of a struggle between two monsters. Unsure of who he wanted to win.
As If It Was Kismet Ch. 1
Matthew Berkshire hadn’t seen his mom in two years. Not that he had seen her much over the last six years.
A messy divorce between messy people and mom’s chaotic want for a life in Alaska had been one of the most…upsetting times in life. Setting him up for so much of what had defined his life thus far but then that had really started two years before he ever turned.
His ear buds were basic and simple. A part of cheap five pack, common for his life as he was known to lose little things. Small things. They had a mix of metal and hard rock playing in them. Some classics, some alternative. Whatever made him feel something, anything. Even if it was hate. Anger. Rage. It was better than feeling numb. Not belonging.
The escalator down to his lone bag to go with his lone carry on showed his mom waiting for him. His had a type, that’s for damn sure. Not that it helped him in the genetics department as he was stuck at 5’9” to go along with his mother’s five foot even as his dad stood six foot. Forever leaving him to feel small, to pale, under his dad’s shadow. Did he ever stand a chance?
The guy next to her with the unkempt former seventies porn stache was “Dave.” He’d met him twice when his mother came and visited him in Florida. To his credit the guy didn’t look annoyed. Kind of concerned kind of which made Matthew want to break his frozen look but he was well practiced. Having removed any note of sadness from his face through much…tribulation.
His mother’s look on her face betrayed a hint of worry as the bruises on his face lightly showed up close. Saying his name was his like a distant echo that belonged to someone else.
Dave cut in and pulled out his right headphone. “What the hell bud, they knock you hard enough to hurt hearing? Your mom’s asking how you are doing.”
Matthew pulled out the other bud and grunted an empty “sorry.”
“You still have bruises after two week? What did they do to you?” His mom’s voice was full of worry. Something he hadn’t heard in….too long. Too long to make him feel anything. To ever make him believe there was any sincerity to her words. To not think her voice and mannerisms were an act. An act by someone who…wasn’t really there.
“It’s only fair. I took a nose. Fractured a couple orbital bones. Left one with having to get his jaw wired shut. And one will never walk right again for what I did to his knee cap.” Matthew said it all with a bored and disinterested tone. Perhaps well rehearsed.
“My man, handing out ass kickings, not bothering to take names.” Dave was quick to be the typical man’s man about it. Matthew wasn’t quite done yet. Lifting up his shirt to expose the right side near his kidney. Revealing a nasty scar from a six inch blade. “Luckily they gave me this first so they could rule it all in self-defense. The fuck didn’t get it in more than inch before I ruined his knee cap and then I took the nose of one of the fucks holding me.” Now he chose to smile keeping the well practiced dead look in his eyes.
No retorts. No questions. Just horrified looks on their faces. As he liked. As he preferred. They could hate him. They could be disgusted by him. But by God they would fear him.
“Well the doc did a good job sewing you up.” Dave commented uncomfortably. “Dissolving sutures. Ain’t they grand.” He smiled again and let it abruptly fall off his face and started walking to the carousel for the baggage claim.
Waiting and making small talk with Dave as his mother stood in silence. He was not the little boy she abandoned. The little boy she left with an angry man. While never hitting him. Left him in constant fear till he turned twelve and just didn’t care anymore. Something snapped. Broke. And he didn’t care if he died. Didn’t care if he stole. Didn’t even care if he killed. He just knew not to get caught. Something left over from his grandfather’s wisdom which came to make more and more sense with each passing year of life since that thing inside him broke.
Finally his bag came around and Dave went to try first to grab it but Dave practically leapt ahead of him. “Is that your grandfather’s rucksack bag?” his mother asked in a perplexed voice.
“Figured it’s been around since Viet Nam. So it’d serve me better than any of the worthless stuff they called luggage.” Dave commented after Matthew’s words. “Well hell yeah I still got mine from Desert Storm. You know the first one.” Dave laughed and Matthew eyed him oddly. Be it in the south or whether it was Alaska, country boys are country boys he guessed.
The car ride to the two people’s house, as Matthew thought of them. Was uneventful and full of vistas he imagined metropolitan types wetting themselves over. At most they meant isolation to him. Furtherness from the world as there were no mountains in Florida. And what mountains he had last seen in another state had been when he was eight. Another life, to Matthew it felt like. A life alien to him.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 2
Dave and his mom’s place was some two story type tucked into a tree line far up an elevated point. It was by no means the highest point in the mountain but it certainly felt up there.
Rocks were where the driveway should have been Matthew thought. Grabbing his backpack and rucksack from Dave’s jeep was no hard thing for him. Matthew was in formidable shape for someone his age, maybe even five years older. He had gotten a mix of fairly big shoulders and arms along with the chest to go for it when compared to most kids his age. A side effect of working out at least twice a day. First thing in the morning, some time in the evening, and the school’s gym when had had a good semester in school before he had to leave Florida.
Dave tried to come up and help him but Matthew walked past him towards the house. His mom was not sure what to make of his demeanor. Matthew was not the sweet kind boy he had once been. But she had been gone from his life essentially for a long time.
Ushering him into the house she cracked some joke he did not hear. He was too busy looking about and seeing a mix of old outdated decorating mixed with the strange and odd flair of his mother. Color contrasting against drab and dated. Like brightly painting over an old home that was falling apart he thought.
“Your room is this way Mattie.” His mom brightly intoned.
Without expressing any interest he followed his mother. Still faced and nonplussed. Just going along with the current. Pushed and pulled with its roll like a piece of driftwood.
The room was simple. A single small bed. A set of rubber weights with a curl bar and barbells. “Your dad said you were into weight lifting so we got you a bunch of stuff. Dave says it looks like his department’s gym almost. The woman’s smile felt very alien to him.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ve got most of my stuff from home.” Matthew starting unpacking his rucksack and pulled out cables of repetitive and mixed colors. A single plastic barbell handle. The ruck sack could be filled with water bottles for added weight during pushups he figured. Remembering a Michael Keaton movie he watched with his dad post-Batman movies where he played a convicted killer using plastic bags filled with water for weights.
Matthew caught movement outside his lone fairly large window that could let him step out onto the roof of the house given its layout.
He saw a number of people running together through what he guessed was the backyard of the property, not that it had any fences to mark boundaries
They wore clothes that looked similar yet different from each other at the same time.”Oh those are the Johnston’s. Really nice bunch of people. Been on the mountain for a long time Dave tells me.”
Matthew looked at the group of people running and noticed the lack of resemblance. “They are related?” Matthew quizzically asked. Seeing a black and possibly a hispanic person amongst the bland looking white people.
“Oh well they are all adopted but for one or two of them…besides the parents of course. The family has a long tradition of taking in orphans they say. Real nice of them to do that don’t you think.”
Matthew looked at his mother and the hosier accent made no sense to him as he arched his left eye brow. Her and his dad were both from Florida. Born and raised. Sure her parents were from New York city but…
Matthew shook his lightly without turning to look at his mother as his vision was grabbed by one of the runners in particular. A girl of moderate height. Soft brunette. A plain beauty he figured with a slim build….and lack of remarkable breasts and rear to make any note of but….girls in general were his type at his age.
She was pretty enough. He couldn’t deny that but he found himself transfixed by her visage.
But the way she turned and looked at him, especially at that distance felt very disconcerting to him. Even if she was smiling like…she was a taste of a bright shiny day. Somehow.
Matthew’s mom noticed the exchange and smiled to herself with closed lips. “Oh that’s Vicky. She’s your age I think. Very sweet girl, who does the charity functions. You know bake sales, blood drives, car washes and the like. I think you should get to know her. Might be good for you.”
A truck horn sounded a couple of beeps in rather succession. “Oh that must be Mack, he said he might come by later this evening but he seems early.”
Matthew’s mother turned and left his room. Leaving Matthew to exchange a few looks with the alluring Vicky as she turned her head away from him to talk to the others in her group and look back at him.
Still Matthew’s left eyebrow was arched. In a way that reminded him of Spock from Star Trek that he and his grandpa used to watch on some streaming service or another.
As he heard ambient chatter elsewhere outside the house he figured to check it out as the alluring sight of Vicky would be around he figured. It was dull to stare at artwork. He was a boy who preferred jet skis and the like. Something he could ride and enjoy immensely. Even if at times it got him stabbed.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 3
Matthew sauntered out of the house and down the rockway that stood in for a driveway.
A few new people had come over from what he could first surmise of the situation. As he got closer it was obvious they were indigenous people. A couple of grown men…and a girl?
She was mousey. Maybe five foot. Hiding behind glasses and a big camo jacket that was far too big for her. It looked made for a grown man and the backwards trucker hat on her head kept her long black a beautiful mess of sorts.
She was cute in a way. A little androgynous but she had a cute energy to her. She reminded him of the more tomboyish Puerto Rican girls he had gotten into back in Florida. Given the deer corpses in the back of the truck….probably more dangerous to play with given the men in her family.
Small chatter passed between the adults when the girl noticed but turned away, trying to hide the tiny hint of a smile.
“Oh Mattie, this is Mack. He works with Dave at the sheriff’s department and John, he’s with fish and wildlife.” Matthew nodded at his mom’s words with some blankness as he looked at the deer the in the back of the pickup truck.
“Gale tells us you hunted with your dad some in Florida and Georgia.” Mack offered with a light hearted laugh camouflaged by his big simple and cheery but husky way he spoke.
Looking in the back of the truck he spoke. “We used lever action thirty-thirties and Mosin Nagants in seven-six-two-fifty-four-rimmed.” Mack and John whistled in an exaggerated fashion. Leaving Matthew to wonder if they were mocking him.
Mack spoke. “Well we just used thirty-odd-six in a custom gussied Garand.” That caught Matthew’s attention. “You have a Garand…” Matthew finally demonstrated interest in anything. “My dad has an SVT-40 and a Hakim 8mm but he always wanted a Garand but was too cheap to buy one.”
Gale, his mother, chimed in loudly. “Oh his Dad loved his guns but was such an odd duck about how he bought or why he bought them. Never made sense to me how he wasn’t a collector but he didn’t get the latest and greatest.” Gale laughed uncomfortably. At least it seemed that way to Matthew.
Matthew pointed to the girl with an underhanded pointing hand. “And who is this? A cute little mute mouse or does she have a name?” Dave and the other men laughed.
Mack again spoke. “Well you people call her Rebecca, she’s my adopted daughter.” Matthew was taken aback by what he heard. “You people?”
Rebecca kindly spoke with a soft but almost melodic voice as she struggled to maintain eye contact. “White people or rather not members of our tribe. It’s just easier to appease the colonizer kind of thing. Borrowed from when the Jesuit missionaries chased us up here.”
Mack stepped in. “It’s just easier to have white people names than have them try to say our tribal names. And we don’t want them shortening or Anglicising our names kind of thing.” Rebecca stepped back into the conversation cutting off her adopted father. “It’s an insult to our history basically.”
Matthew cocked his head sideways raising his eyebrows shortly before letting them drop. “Well as soon as I’m eighteen I’m out of here and back to Florida so I’m a sort of involuntary colonizer of sorts. So I won’t be taking any of your land from you. The Seminoles on the other hand are still shit out of luck.”
Rebecca’s smile caused Matthew to reflexively smile. Mack made the moment more awkward. “See Becca, I told you someone off the reservation would like you some. You just have to be creative.” Mack laughed in a chiding manner…Matthew presumed. He sensed that he was the butt of some kind of cultural joke. Like marrying a white guy was some sort of insult or mark of shame. That kind of thing.
Rebecca turning away from him was not something he had been expecting. Her then getting in the truck in a huff left the group in a silence for a moment.
Dave spoke to break the awkward silence. “Well just bring the truck to work on Monday and leave it for me to grab up.” Mack acknowledged Dave and they started to get off as Rebecca looked at Matthew for another instance. Matthew couldn’t look away for some reason as the two seemed to lock eyes for an instance.
Till Vicky and family seemed to come jogging down the road. While Matthew’s eyes diverted from Rebecca’s. Hers did not till she realized he was looking elsewhere. And her vision found Vicky and what had been a hint of smile on her face turned glum and disappointed.
Matthew did not look away from the vision of Vicky but instead of a starry eyed fool looking longingly. It was a baffled look. Well baffled for him, with his eyes drawn narrow and night with a focus.
There was something about her…he couldn’t quite put a name too. The way she appeared to him. One second brunette. The next second blonde or blonde like. As if the color appeared in her air and disappeared in fractions of seconds. Much the same way her body almost seemed to…shift…very subtly…smoothly. A nicer bum. Larger breasts. And then back to a simple and plain form. Feminine no doubt. Attractive. But not so…remarkable.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 4
The next two days passed without incident. Nothing of any real substance or challenge to note.
Matthew got settled somewhat and started working out almost immediately. Exploring around the woods but Dave told him not to go far. Especially without a hunting rifle. Dave had left a simple semi-auto Winchester out for him. His bear gun as Dave referred to it with its four round magazine. But Matt figured till he got some practice with the rifle to leave it alone. He made a hiking stick like his grandpa taught him and treated it over a low fire. He would take some electrical tape for the end his hand would grip around. Plenty enough to ward off anything smaller than a bear he figured.
The ride to school was a pain in the neck but simple enough. Dave would let him use a clunker pickup truck he had laying around. It wasn’t pretty but it would get him to and from. Even if it was from the eighties and still backfired on occasion. But for now Dave and his mom took him on their way to the sheriff’s department.
It wasn’t much of a school. It wanted to be modern but its fifties original construction was very obvious. It serviced the pipeline families and familys’ of fisherman who worked the seasons in between their time at the pipeline.
Matt was to report to the principal for some reason Dave and his mom wouldn’t share. Which annoyed him but he figured it was to read him the law of land. Small towns with their big views of the outside world and like.
Dressed in jeans, a grey sweatshirt under a light jacket with steel toed boots set him more apart then he expected. His buzzed head didn’t help matters. Already he was feeling like a stranger in a strange land but he was quite strange after all. And he liked it that way. Normal people were so pathetically disappointing to him.
A secretary or assistant or some such led him to the principal’s office. Where it reeked of real wood that was old and fabric and upholstery that needed to be updated for the last twenty years, Matt figured.
“This is Matthew Berkshire, Principal Andrews.” The man was turned with his back to the door and he was quick to wave her off as he turned her around.
He was an older man. Fat and large. Tall with a body built like he had once been fit and a demeanour of annoyed and irate already as he fixed Matt with a scowl and look of disgust. Another worthless government whore. Matt thought to himself. His father and his grandfather had bestowed unto him a natural disrespect for government workers and the figures that wore unjustified authority as a shield but pretended the weight of the state was not at their back ready to crush all who resisted. Little figures of valor pretending to be mighty and alone but acting with the tyranny of the state and all the backing.
“Mr. Berkshire, please sit down.” His tone wasn’t unusually hostile, just gruff. As if he had better things to do.
Matt complied and took a seat in the chair while maintaining a friendly facade. Not everyone was an enemy. And not everyone needed to be an enemy. Even if anybody could be any enemy. There was no reason to make enemies you didn’t have to. Another of his grandfather’s bastardised wisdoms.
“Well I looked over you file and you have quite the history Mr. Berkshire.” Matt resisted qiuping back a joke. Instead he waited for Principal Andrews to continue as he remained nonplussed and looking as if he felt no need to respond. A simple head tilt with dead eyes looking back at the principle as if he was not even there would suffice.
Matt’s reaction or lack of a reaction rather made Principal Andrews only narrow his eyes with examination. He was not used to a kid not responding to him. Especially with his gruff and hard act going on.
“Well by all accounts you moved here after some problems at your last school. A fight broke out and you did some real harm to your fellow students it appears.” Of course, he would take the side of the perpetrators. School administrators always did. Especially when they weren’t white. Just a fact of the times. Cowardice and pathetic mediocrity was the way they leaned, like good government workers sucking the dick of Big Daddy government. Worthless whores.
Matt chose to reply. “Oh you mean the criminals that stabbed me. Got arrested at the hospital and then pled to felonies. Yeah Florida, with the American counties are good like that.” Principal Andrews went real still. No shame. No fear. No penitence. He didn’t like that.
“Well be it as it may Mr. Berkshire we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour here…” Matt cut him off responding with a deadpan tone. “You mean self-defense meant to save one’s own life while the cowardly and pathetic school workers look on with zero interest but to keep their money rolling in and will allow known gang members with records of violent acts and crimes that should have them expelled many times over, where in certain Democrat counties such cowardice and idiocy empowered a couple school shooters?”
Principal Andrews looked at the Matt with a note of disgust. “Look here Mr. Berkshire, your beliefs matter not one bit here. This isn’t Florida. We don’t like our way of life being disrupted by outside agitators who have problems with authority.”
Matt did his best not to roll his eyes and let the older fat man drone own as he dead-stared him. Lifeless and without emotion.
The man came to a finish and Matt spoke up without having listened to him or paid him any attention. “Great now that’s taken care of. Can I please get to class and finish my sentence of two years at your wonderful school?”
Principal Andrews huffed and snorted before calling in Vicky. Vicky stood in the corner after entering with a quiet and seamless presence. Matt felt disturbed and tried not betray his feelings as the young Vicky was perceived and not perceived to be moving.
Principal Andrews made the introductions and Matt nodded back. She was to be his chaperone for the day. They had the same classes and she was to show him the ropes so to speak. The ins and outs of the school. The locations of their classes.
He recognized her. It was hard not to. The way her appearance seemed to shift fluidly almost. The petite and skinny brunette ever so lightly had a big bust and blonde hair with curves added when she seemed to shift before his eyes. Like watching a film but each frame had a different person.
Matt didn’t say anything about it. Even if he did he would only be acknowledging his crazed state, if he had one. If.
Unlike an obedient puppy dog he got up in a slow and awkward fashion and followed behind her as his oddly disproportionate frame allowed. Causing her a note of concern for some reason. As if she was seeing something she shouldn’t have been….Or he was just weird. And Matt could admit to himself he was just weird. Part of his charm, he would jest about it at times. Not that he had many people to jest to now.
As If It Were Kismet Ch. 5
Following Vicky into the hall off to their first class was simple. She exchanged small talk and he slightly smiled as if to obviously suggest he was just being polite.
Inside his head, Matt was trying to figure out if he was having a psychotic break. The way Vicky looked kept changing and he looked at the other people around him and they stayed the same.
He was searching his mind as they were walking. And thus he wasn’t paying attention to where he was looking and so fell to his face forward over his feet seemingly out of nowhere.
A series of laughs erupted as it sunk in that he was obviously tripped. Like in prison this was a challenge to his superiority. If he let this pass he would be mocked and sneered at by this same group of boys. He wouldn’t walk to them like he was going to do nothing like a little bitch.
In a rage he turned and punched the stomach of the first face he saw. Some typical blonde haired wannabe jock. He knew from experience not to aim for the ribs. Instead he needed to aim for where he thought the belly button was.
Yells and screams blindly echoed around him as his after the punch he followed up his elbow of the opposite arm slamming into the face of the jock. Harder than a fist, the elbow struck the jock’s jaw and seemingly dropped him against a locker. Just in time to catch an errant and soft punch to the nose that sure enough hurt but did little to slow him down as his dad had taught him to fight through the pain. Blood and scars happened. They were a natural consequence of life to a man.
Taking the punch and falling further into his red state Matt headbutted the punch thrower before another guy arm bared his throat from behind. Which he managed to get his grip on the arm over a letterman jacked and jerk the unprepared boy to the side with him still latched on.
A few feet away from the lockers Matt knew his only chance was to jump and push off the lockers and knock the boy to the ground and so he did. He heard a thunk of the boy’s skull bouncing off the ground and he turned to pull out of the grapple.
The beatings he had taken from his father, the grapples, being choked unconscious. Had prepared him for fighting little bitches who didn’t know what a fight was. It wasn’t gay porn with rabbit punch fists flying.
Blood was running down his face and the pain started to hit him as the threats had been eliminated. Only then did he remember to breathe. Taking breathes as Vicky came up to him with tissues and took a hold of his nose.
“Owww owww owww what the fuck my nose could be broken.” He said to Vicky as she pulled his head up and back.
“It’s ok Carl. It’s done.” Matt tried to look to see who Vicky was talking to. It was a boy taller than his 5’9” by more than a small margin. The boy eyed him bored and annoyed before speaking. “What happened here?” An unoriginal line but one Matt couldn’t be a smart aleck about. “Well you see there was an outbreak of tripping and we all tripped over my dick. It happens.” Matt was about to laugh when Vicky seemed to pull up while still gripping his nose causing Matt no small amount of pain which he audibly evidenced.
Vicky spoke in a tone he wasn’t expecting. As if she was accustomed to issuing orders. “Keep Iris away from the hall till we sanitize the site. We have blood from at least three people contaminating the site. And have Jake bring me a spare jacket and shirt for this moron.”
Carl seemed to acknowledge her orders and seemed to blink away. Maybe the punch hit harder than he expected. He had no time to wonder as Vick took her hand away from his and pushed him against the lockers. With ease he had not been expecting from her form and stature.
Before he could respond Vicky licked his blood covered chin and then his lips and spoke to him. “Focus on me you little blood bag.” Her tone had an annoyed yet feminine sneer.
“Look into my eyes. Look at me. You belong to me. You are just another food source in a collection of food sources.” Her eyes were a beautiful hazel Matt thought. Almost green. Pretty like jewels in some old treasure collections. The eyes he could get lost in before kissing her. Finally Vicky was just a slight and petite brunette and he thought she was beautiful.
She would make a hell of a girlfriend. Some cute thing he could see laying on the beach in Florida on their sides laughing and smiling before trading light kisses while hands wandered innocently. Before his mind could drift further he felt her lips on his. It took him a second to mentally grasp the kiss but his arms were around her back as her hands were at his sides. His eyes reflexively closed as he saw hers close.
It was ineffable to Matt. Beyond words, what was happening. The kiss, the moments beforehand. The way his brain tickled with electricity and gentle warmth. He had never had a kiss like this and he had traded more than a few kisses with at least a few girls.
The kiss was like a warm bath with his consciousness slipping beneath the surface. Their lips only parted to try new angles and approaches as Matt struggled to take in breath. It was a moment he could have stayed trapped in for….he didn’t know. But a curt throat clearing by another girl pulled them out of the moment.
The girl was taller than Vicky. Blonde. With slight curves. Vicky addressed her bewildered and gobsmacked, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. “Tina?”
2024.05.14 16:18 NoBuy8212 Thoughts on this piece? A bit too try hard / cringe?
So this differs from my usual writing style, where I keep things very simple. But just looking for thoughts on this: does the purplish prose work? Is it too try hard and cringe?
The darkness which had blanketed the lands had drowsed the people. Their limbs grew limp to the duties of spiritual care, their minds sat idle, sedated by trophies of commonness. A commonness which was found everywhere. Whether in the orchards of creativity, in the crucibles of autonomous industriousness, or any other battleground testing man's intellectual boundaries. Occupants had found abode in commonness. It was a commonness gifted by the hands of legislative gods - a well curated congregation of men and women seated in chambers, flinging out ideas. Ideas which they assumed to be a product of their own unique intellect, organic spurts emanating from unparalleled neural plasticity, as if their minds penetrated beyond the cranium and stretched itself over the earth and heavens. What tales the pride shouts. What fool man is.
Once the masses began to awake from their open-eyed slumber, and they found their dirt riddled, toiling hands empty, out spilled a blistering yet ever silent wrath.
They turned against their legislators, they abhorred the distant-standing greed.
Of course the truth was simpler. A thing once told long ago in the caves, while eyes glinted fire under starry night skies, or yelled on the backs of horses. The whispers were couriered through ages by sound reasoning, and the clear sight. That truth which matured in the minds of masses to but a fairytale, an ancient story to cover the silence of death.
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- It was said by those who stood in the quiet shadows, incognito and watchful, that the beating drums of unrepelled greed and pseudo-democracy will lead to a time of radical oppression. In the passage of time, in its unrestrained flow, a process forming splintering and crusting rivers between the masses, the two, greed and false democracy, had attained their duplicitous baptism.
The darkness which had blanketed the lands had drowsed the people. Their limbs grew limp to the duties of spiritual care, their minds sat idle, sedated by trophies of commonness. A commonness which was found everywhere. Whether in the orchards of creativity, in the crucibles of autonomous industriousness, or any other battleground testing man's intellectual boundaries. Occupants had found abode in commonness. It was a commonness gifted by the hands of legislative gods - a well curated congregation of men and women seated in chambers, flinging out ideas. Ideas which they assumed to be a product of their own unique intellect, organic spurts emanating from unparalleled neural plasticity, as if their minds penetrated beyond the cranium and stretched itself over the earth and heavens. What tales the pride shouts. What fool man is.
Once the masses began to awake from their open-eyed slumber, and they found their dirt riddled, toiling hands empty, out spilled a blistering yet ever silent wrath.
They turned against their legislators, they abhorred the distant-standing greed.
Of course the truth was simpler. A thing once told long ago in the caves, while eyes glinted fire under starry night skies, or yelled on the backs of horses. The whispers were couriered through ages by sound reasoning, and the clear sight. That truth which matured in the minds of masses to but a fairytale, an ancient story to cover the silence of death.
2024.05.14 16:11 markimdreaming I lived my scariest experience to date for a homework
I’ve always been really into ghost stories, or urban legends in general. The White Lady, haunted dolls, vampires, black eyed children, that kind of stuff. I know that, today, people my age aren’t big fans of that kind of horror anymore, preferring it things like the Backrooms, analog horror, all the new kinds of scary media. Honestly, I get it, things do need to evolve, and when we see everything that’s happening in the world, it’s understandable that a good old ghost story don’t do the job anymore.
Still, the “old fashioned” horror (it’s not that old, but things move fast on the internet) is always my jam. I grew up watching youtubers investigating haunted places, ghost hunting, with all their accessories, EMF meters, their little radio thing that they use to listen to radio frequencies so that they can hear any interference, their antenna that beeps when something approaches it, voice recorders, special flashlights, and let me tell you that all this, it was doing it for me.
So, since my, probably 7 years, I dreamt of doing these things myself. Of course, I tried everything a young boy is able to do, like Ouija or stupidly walking around my house with my phone filming, hoping that some random deceased person with unfinished business will show up to, I don’t know, have a chat. I wish I could say that other people’s judgement doesn’t affect me, but that would be a lie, so, going in to high school, I had to socially tone down my interest for those things in order to have friends. None of my friends and classmates knew about my persisting passion for ghosts and creepy stories.
I realize that keeping this such a secret is a bit ridiculous, especially approaching my 18th birthday, but, you know, it would be even weirder to reveal it after hiding it for almost 6 years like it was something super taboo. So here I was, I started hiding my passion at 12 to avoid other’s judging it, and I’m now still hiding it at 17 to avoid others judging the fact that I hid it… A bit pathetic I got to admit.
Anyway, everything started a few days ago. I have an art history class at school and the teacher really likes to give us big works of research. This time, he had a new idea, the whole class will be divided into groups of two, and each group will receive a building from our city that the teacher had choose for his architectural and artistic interests, and we’ll have to give it a visit and write an analysis on the different things we’ll notice and link it to what we saw in class. Since all the buildings were not public places, he had asked the authorization of every property’s owner.
Honestly, this could have been worse. This actually sounded kinda cool to do. Now, what I was concerned about was who will be my partner. Obviously, I was hoping for one of my friends. After explaining the rules and exact instructions for the work, he started to announce the groups. I was waiting to hear my name, anxious, as all my friends were slowly starting to be put into their groups.
“Joshua!” The teacher said (yeah that’s my name). “You will be with…” I was holding on to my chair. “… Elizabeth!”
I turned to Elizabeth, and we looked at each other. Neither one of us seemed excited. It wasn’t a terrible pair, I thought to myself, I just didn’t know what to think of it exactly. Elizabeth was a pretty popular girl, not that I was an outcast or anything, but she was still way more popular than me. I didn’t know much more about her, despite the fact that we were in the same class since my first year of high school, but it looked like she was going to be an okay partner.
The teacher then gave us our building. I won’t reveal the real name of what he gave us so I’ll call it “Guaraldi’s Street 22”. Apparently, it was a pretty old house that had somewhat of an historic value to it. The teacher gave us some information so we wouldn’t stumble there without any prior knowledge. The owner was an old woman who had always lived there. She was apparently very glad to open her doors to young students and was ready to answer any questions we could have. He warned us that she had a weak audition and that we would have to speak loudly. The teacher then recommended us to do a little bit of research before going there, so we could already have some idea of where we were entering.
I then found myself in front of Elizabeth. I think the last time we even talked to each other was months ago when she was distributing a test to the class and that I said “Thanks”, so, yeah, not a lot of background. I noticed, and I don’t know why it took me so long, I guess I never paid much attention to her, that she was dressed in kind of an old style, she wore some clearly used dungarees. The date the teacher had scheduled for our visit was on Sunday, and we were Thursday.
“So, hum, I guess, we can both do research on our side, and we’ll meet, maybe at lunch break tomorrow to get on the same page. Is that good for you?” She asked me.
“Yeah, that’s good, we can do that.”
“Okay, then, see you tomorrow.” She said.
“See you.”
On that she turned her feet and left for her break. The rest of the day went by and I got back home. As usual, my mom wasn’t there, she often has to work late as she’s a single mom to me and my little sister Rosa. I ate my diner and went to my room. I opened my computer to start my research. It wasn’t hard to find information, even though things were repeating themselves a lot: “so much historical meaning for the city”, “a perfect example of “art-deco” architecture”, “a house filled with stories”. There was a lot of talk by local medias about it, but not much actual facts.
It was so weak, that I had to go to page 2 of the search results on google, or, as I like to call them, “the abyss of the internet” (I’m exaggerating a bit, but it’s not often that you have to go there).
Then, something caught my eyes. It was a forum about paranormal experiences, and the address was mentioned on a post. I immediately clicked on it and read the whole thing. It wasn’t exactly the most thrilling story I’ve read, but here’s what it basically said.
Apparently, the owner opened the house as a cottage during the summer, and the person posting was narrating what he experienced during his passage there. He described a very special and kinda suffocating vibe that was apparently all around the house, and the feeling of being observed all the time. He also talked about hearing voices at random moments. They were brief but often mentioned his name. The end of his testimony talked about his last night, when he said he saw a little child with no facial expression in front of his bed, who slowly started to climb into it and grabbed his legs, trying to pull him outside of his bed. The poster said he eventually succeeded to push the kid away, despite his unreal strength, and that the boy ended up running out of the room, laughing. When he spoke to the owner about it the next morning, she said that it must have been his imagination playing tricks on him, as she didn’t believe in paranormal and that nothing similar ever happened to her.
This wasn’t much, it could have been a complete lie, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t peak my curiosity. The story was as basic as it could be, but it was so specific for it to happen in that place, which was absolutely not famous, and even less for any paranormal events. I kept that in the back of my mind and continued my research, but I didn’t find much more, so I went to sleep.
As I was lying in my bed, I was thinking. What if the person who posted his story said the truth. This was the first time I was going to enter somewhere that old and charged with history, this could be the perfect place for my first ghost-hunt. But of course, I was going for school and won’t be alone, plus, it’s not really respectful to the owner, who kindly opened the doors of her family house to us. And even if I wanted to, I’d be constantly with Elizabeth, so, it was not really an option. I looked at the EMF meter I received for a birthday on my shelf and thought to myself that this would be for another time.
The next day, as planned, I met with Elizabeth at lunch break. We started to share the results of our research, where I did not include the post from the forum for obvious reasons. We talked a bit before coming to a clear conclusion.
“Yeah, the thing is, we have the same exact stuff, there isn’t much interesting infos to be found online, except very surface level stuff.” She said.
“Yes, I think we should prepare the questions we want to ask the owner instead.” I answered.
“You’re right, do you think you can have yours for Sunday?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
We exchanged a bit more and eventually went back to class.
On Saturday, I prepared a few questions to ask the owner.
Then came today, Sunday. The meeting was planned at 11AM. I woke up normally, took a breakfast, got dressed, everything. Before leaving my room, I took one last look at the room and I saw my EMF meter. It was like he was begging me to take him. I grabbed it and left. I didn’t know if I would actually use it, but I had it. It had an option where instead of lighting the small lamps he was vibrating, so I activated that and put it in my pocket.
I arrived at the house and Elizabeth was already waiting for me. We knocked and we could hear the owner walking towards the door saying “Yes, yes, just a second.” She opened and she looked like the sweetest thing ever. She was short and had a naturally kind face. We could see that she was clearly dressed and make up for the occasion. She welcomed us and let us in happily. The hallway was very pretty, I understood why our teacher got us this house, it was indeed very interesting. The walls were covered with paintings and old pictures, mostly portraits. On everyone of these, the people had a very serious look, but that’s not unusual for old pictures.
We walked to the living room where she served us tea and we sat together.
“So, I think you have some questions for me?” She asked. You could see that she was very glad to talk. “Don’t be shy, I’m open.”
Elizabeth started to ask her first question then I did, and we could ask her everything.
The house was her family’s for many generations, but it hadn’t always been theirs. All the persons in the hallway, paintings or pictures, were previous habitants of the house, and they went as far as the 15th century, so, yeah, it was all pretty old. She said they could only know the identity of some of the first generations but that a lot of the people were non identified. She answered a lot of other questions regarding the architectural and artistic heritage of the building, and she was surprisingly very interesting to listen to. Her enthusiasm and kindness were contagious, and we both couldn’t help but ask more questions.
Eventually, we arrived to the end of our list, and it was time for us to visit, take notes, analyze, all that. She asked us not to touch anything, as a lot of things had a lot of value, but let us wander free in the house. She said she’ll be making cookies for when we’ll be done. Elizabeth and I found ourselves alone in the living room and finished our tea.
“God,… She’s adorable.” Said Elizabeth with a smile.
“Yes, she’s so sweet, I wasn’t expecting that.” I said.
“Let’s, maybe start with there.” She said, pointing to the room besides us.
We got up and entered it. The walls were covered by huge bookshelves. Elizabeth started to take notes, looking at the room, and I started inspecting the books. There was probably a more than a thousand books, and some of them looked super old. I read the titles of some of them, and the least I could say was that it needed to be rearranged. “Cooking Asian Food”, “Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince”, some old book with the title erased, and even a CD in the middle, it was a bit random.
We eventually moved on to the hallway. It was a bit oppressing with all those eyes who seemed to observe us. Elizabeth did mention how it felt a bit weird and we started to take notes again. At some point, my look stopped on one painting at the back of the hall. It was a young lady, dressed classically, maybe a bit poorly even, for someone who would have lived there. She was kinda pretty, if I’m being honest. But the reason why it caught my eyes was that it was the only one who was smiling. All the other people represented looked dead serious, but her, she smiled. A sweet, even caring and warm smile. I noticed that it seemed like she was staring at me. Of course, a lot of paintings give that same impression, but it was more intense on her.
My heart skipped a beat. I was sure that I just saw her winked to me. I let out a gasp. I was convinced she winked at me. The vibe went from slightly oppressive to extremely heavy. Then we both heard it.
“Elizabeth.”
An unrecognizable voice had just whispered. Elizabeth turned to me.
“Did you say that?” She asked.
“Elizabeth.”
A younger voice this time. We were facing each other, so we knew it couldn’t be one of us this time, and the owner was in the kitchen. Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide and she slowly walked towards me.
“Elizabeth.”
She jumped.
“WHAT THE… fuck?” I let out. We were looking around us.
“Joshua, I don’t like this…”
“Yeah, me neither.”
We were frozen in place, with all the paintings looking right to us.
“Elizabeth.”
That time it was a deep voice, and it came from behind us. We turned. Slowly, all the faces of the paintings and pictures started to clearly move. They were opening their eyes wide and opening their mouths, maintaining their serious, and now even melancholic look.
“Holy shit, holy shit, what the fuck is that, what is it!” Elizabeth was mumbling, panicking as I was starting to breathe faster.
All the people started to say her name together on repeat: “Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth…” I turned my head to the painting of the young lady from earlier, and she was the only one that wasn’t moving, still the same smile, she looked at peace.
I don’t remember exactly what I was whispering at that moment, but we were both freaking out.
We heard some scratching noise. Long, dirty hands with sharp nails, almost inhumans, were piercing the pictures and paintings. The eyes of the people were becoming all black, and their jaws were opening more than humanly possible as they kept on repeating her name. The hands were all getting closer from us. We were now touching one another, completely surrounded by those hands. Then, they moved way faster and a lot of them got their nails right into Elizabeth’s skin and pierced it while descending all over her body.
She screamed loudly out of pain. It was a terrifying scream. All the hands got to their pictures and back inside of it while closing what they pierced. Soon, the pictures and paintings were back to normal, but Elizabeth was bleeding from all over her body and was on the floor, crying. I got to her level and tried as much as possible to reassure her, but I wasn’t very effective as I was myself in shock and terrified.
We heard the owner walk towards us.
“What’s happening to you two? I heard screams, are you okay?”
She entered the hallway and saw the scene. She looked completely shocked.
“But what happened?” She asked.
Both of us were unable to answer to her, we had no idea what to say that wouldn’t make us sound crazy, so we just looked at her with whatever faces we were making at that moment. She didn’t wait long and went to take a first aid kid. She sat down and put some bandages all over Elizabeth, as I was reflecting on what happened. When she was done, we both wanted to leave, so we said that we had what we needed for now. She looked sorry and packed some cookies for each of us. As we opened the door to leave, she articulated one last phrase.
“I hope you’ll come back.” She had a look and a tone of sadness. We got out and were now on the street.
We both looked at each other. She was covered in bands, like she got into a huge fight. I started to speak but she lifted her hand.
“Not today. Another one.” She said. “I’ll see you at school.” And she left.
I got on my way too and gave one last look to the house. The old owner was watching me from her window, and I couldn’t tell what her expression was.
I was too tired so I ignored it and went back to my house.
I’m posting this now that I’m back at home. I have no news of Elizabeth, but she did add me on Instagram, so…
I have no idea what I should do now, I have so many questions, so, if anyone has any theories, I’ll take it. I’m also open to questions of course…
submitted by markimdreaming to nosleep [link] [comments]
Still, the “old fashioned” horror (it’s not that old, but things move fast on the internet) is always my jam. I grew up watching youtubers investigating haunted places, ghost hunting, with all their accessories, EMF meters, their little radio thing that they use to listen to radio frequencies so that they can hear any interference, their antenna that beeps when something approaches it, voice recorders, special flashlights, and let me tell you that all this, it was doing it for me.
So, since my, probably 7 years, I dreamt of doing these things myself. Of course, I tried everything a young boy is able to do, like Ouija or stupidly walking around my house with my phone filming, hoping that some random deceased person with unfinished business will show up to, I don’t know, have a chat. I wish I could say that other people’s judgement doesn’t affect me, but that would be a lie, so, going in to high school, I had to socially tone down my interest for those things in order to have friends. None of my friends and classmates knew about my persisting passion for ghosts and creepy stories.
I realize that keeping this such a secret is a bit ridiculous, especially approaching my 18th birthday, but, you know, it would be even weirder to reveal it after hiding it for almost 6 years like it was something super taboo. So here I was, I started hiding my passion at 12 to avoid other’s judging it, and I’m now still hiding it at 17 to avoid others judging the fact that I hid it… A bit pathetic I got to admit.
Anyway, everything started a few days ago. I have an art history class at school and the teacher really likes to give us big works of research. This time, he had a new idea, the whole class will be divided into groups of two, and each group will receive a building from our city that the teacher had choose for his architectural and artistic interests, and we’ll have to give it a visit and write an analysis on the different things we’ll notice and link it to what we saw in class. Since all the buildings were not public places, he had asked the authorization of every property’s owner.
Honestly, this could have been worse. This actually sounded kinda cool to do. Now, what I was concerned about was who will be my partner. Obviously, I was hoping for one of my friends. After explaining the rules and exact instructions for the work, he started to announce the groups. I was waiting to hear my name, anxious, as all my friends were slowly starting to be put into their groups.
“Joshua!” The teacher said (yeah that’s my name). “You will be with…” I was holding on to my chair. “… Elizabeth!”
I turned to Elizabeth, and we looked at each other. Neither one of us seemed excited. It wasn’t a terrible pair, I thought to myself, I just didn’t know what to think of it exactly. Elizabeth was a pretty popular girl, not that I was an outcast or anything, but she was still way more popular than me. I didn’t know much more about her, despite the fact that we were in the same class since my first year of high school, but it looked like she was going to be an okay partner.
The teacher then gave us our building. I won’t reveal the real name of what he gave us so I’ll call it “Guaraldi’s Street 22”. Apparently, it was a pretty old house that had somewhat of an historic value to it. The teacher gave us some information so we wouldn’t stumble there without any prior knowledge. The owner was an old woman who had always lived there. She was apparently very glad to open her doors to young students and was ready to answer any questions we could have. He warned us that she had a weak audition and that we would have to speak loudly. The teacher then recommended us to do a little bit of research before going there, so we could already have some idea of where we were entering.
I then found myself in front of Elizabeth. I think the last time we even talked to each other was months ago when she was distributing a test to the class and that I said “Thanks”, so, yeah, not a lot of background. I noticed, and I don’t know why it took me so long, I guess I never paid much attention to her, that she was dressed in kind of an old style, she wore some clearly used dungarees. The date the teacher had scheduled for our visit was on Sunday, and we were Thursday.
“So, hum, I guess, we can both do research on our side, and we’ll meet, maybe at lunch break tomorrow to get on the same page. Is that good for you?” She asked me.
“Yeah, that’s good, we can do that.”
“Okay, then, see you tomorrow.” She said.
“See you.”
On that she turned her feet and left for her break. The rest of the day went by and I got back home. As usual, my mom wasn’t there, she often has to work late as she’s a single mom to me and my little sister Rosa. I ate my diner and went to my room. I opened my computer to start my research. It wasn’t hard to find information, even though things were repeating themselves a lot: “so much historical meaning for the city”, “a perfect example of “art-deco” architecture”, “a house filled with stories”. There was a lot of talk by local medias about it, but not much actual facts.
It was so weak, that I had to go to page 2 of the search results on google, or, as I like to call them, “the abyss of the internet” (I’m exaggerating a bit, but it’s not often that you have to go there).
Then, something caught my eyes. It was a forum about paranormal experiences, and the address was mentioned on a post. I immediately clicked on it and read the whole thing. It wasn’t exactly the most thrilling story I’ve read, but here’s what it basically said.
Apparently, the owner opened the house as a cottage during the summer, and the person posting was narrating what he experienced during his passage there. He described a very special and kinda suffocating vibe that was apparently all around the house, and the feeling of being observed all the time. He also talked about hearing voices at random moments. They were brief but often mentioned his name. The end of his testimony talked about his last night, when he said he saw a little child with no facial expression in front of his bed, who slowly started to climb into it and grabbed his legs, trying to pull him outside of his bed. The poster said he eventually succeeded to push the kid away, despite his unreal strength, and that the boy ended up running out of the room, laughing. When he spoke to the owner about it the next morning, she said that it must have been his imagination playing tricks on him, as she didn’t believe in paranormal and that nothing similar ever happened to her.
This wasn’t much, it could have been a complete lie, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t peak my curiosity. The story was as basic as it could be, but it was so specific for it to happen in that place, which was absolutely not famous, and even less for any paranormal events. I kept that in the back of my mind and continued my research, but I didn’t find much more, so I went to sleep.
As I was lying in my bed, I was thinking. What if the person who posted his story said the truth. This was the first time I was going to enter somewhere that old and charged with history, this could be the perfect place for my first ghost-hunt. But of course, I was going for school and won’t be alone, plus, it’s not really respectful to the owner, who kindly opened the doors of her family house to us. And even if I wanted to, I’d be constantly with Elizabeth, so, it was not really an option. I looked at the EMF meter I received for a birthday on my shelf and thought to myself that this would be for another time.
The next day, as planned, I met with Elizabeth at lunch break. We started to share the results of our research, where I did not include the post from the forum for obvious reasons. We talked a bit before coming to a clear conclusion.
“Yeah, the thing is, we have the same exact stuff, there isn’t much interesting infos to be found online, except very surface level stuff.” She said.
“Yes, I think we should prepare the questions we want to ask the owner instead.” I answered.
“You’re right, do you think you can have yours for Sunday?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
We exchanged a bit more and eventually went back to class.
On Saturday, I prepared a few questions to ask the owner.
Then came today, Sunday. The meeting was planned at 11AM. I woke up normally, took a breakfast, got dressed, everything. Before leaving my room, I took one last look at the room and I saw my EMF meter. It was like he was begging me to take him. I grabbed it and left. I didn’t know if I would actually use it, but I had it. It had an option where instead of lighting the small lamps he was vibrating, so I activated that and put it in my pocket.
I arrived at the house and Elizabeth was already waiting for me. We knocked and we could hear the owner walking towards the door saying “Yes, yes, just a second.” She opened and she looked like the sweetest thing ever. She was short and had a naturally kind face. We could see that she was clearly dressed and make up for the occasion. She welcomed us and let us in happily. The hallway was very pretty, I understood why our teacher got us this house, it was indeed very interesting. The walls were covered with paintings and old pictures, mostly portraits. On everyone of these, the people had a very serious look, but that’s not unusual for old pictures.
We walked to the living room where she served us tea and we sat together.
“So, I think you have some questions for me?” She asked. You could see that she was very glad to talk. “Don’t be shy, I’m open.”
Elizabeth started to ask her first question then I did, and we could ask her everything.
The house was her family’s for many generations, but it hadn’t always been theirs. All the persons in the hallway, paintings or pictures, were previous habitants of the house, and they went as far as the 15th century, so, yeah, it was all pretty old. She said they could only know the identity of some of the first generations but that a lot of the people were non identified. She answered a lot of other questions regarding the architectural and artistic heritage of the building, and she was surprisingly very interesting to listen to. Her enthusiasm and kindness were contagious, and we both couldn’t help but ask more questions.
Eventually, we arrived to the end of our list, and it was time for us to visit, take notes, analyze, all that. She asked us not to touch anything, as a lot of things had a lot of value, but let us wander free in the house. She said she’ll be making cookies for when we’ll be done. Elizabeth and I found ourselves alone in the living room and finished our tea.
“God,… She’s adorable.” Said Elizabeth with a smile.
“Yes, she’s so sweet, I wasn’t expecting that.” I said.
“Let’s, maybe start with there.” She said, pointing to the room besides us.
We got up and entered it. The walls were covered by huge bookshelves. Elizabeth started to take notes, looking at the room, and I started inspecting the books. There was probably a more than a thousand books, and some of them looked super old. I read the titles of some of them, and the least I could say was that it needed to be rearranged. “Cooking Asian Food”, “Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince”, some old book with the title erased, and even a CD in the middle, it was a bit random.
We eventually moved on to the hallway. It was a bit oppressing with all those eyes who seemed to observe us. Elizabeth did mention how it felt a bit weird and we started to take notes again. At some point, my look stopped on one painting at the back of the hall. It was a young lady, dressed classically, maybe a bit poorly even, for someone who would have lived there. She was kinda pretty, if I’m being honest. But the reason why it caught my eyes was that it was the only one who was smiling. All the other people represented looked dead serious, but her, she smiled. A sweet, even caring and warm smile. I noticed that it seemed like she was staring at me. Of course, a lot of paintings give that same impression, but it was more intense on her.
My heart skipped a beat. I was sure that I just saw her winked to me. I let out a gasp. I was convinced she winked at me. The vibe went from slightly oppressive to extremely heavy. Then we both heard it.
“Elizabeth.”
An unrecognizable voice had just whispered. Elizabeth turned to me.
“Did you say that?” She asked.
“Elizabeth.”
A younger voice this time. We were facing each other, so we knew it couldn’t be one of us this time, and the owner was in the kitchen. Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide and she slowly walked towards me.
“Elizabeth.”
She jumped.
“WHAT THE… fuck?” I let out. We were looking around us.
“Joshua, I don’t like this…”
“Yeah, me neither.”
We were frozen in place, with all the paintings looking right to us.
“Elizabeth.”
That time it was a deep voice, and it came from behind us. We turned. Slowly, all the faces of the paintings and pictures started to clearly move. They were opening their eyes wide and opening their mouths, maintaining their serious, and now even melancholic look.
“Holy shit, holy shit, what the fuck is that, what is it!” Elizabeth was mumbling, panicking as I was starting to breathe faster.
All the people started to say her name together on repeat: “Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth…” I turned my head to the painting of the young lady from earlier, and she was the only one that wasn’t moving, still the same smile, she looked at peace.
I don’t remember exactly what I was whispering at that moment, but we were both freaking out.
We heard some scratching noise. Long, dirty hands with sharp nails, almost inhumans, were piercing the pictures and paintings. The eyes of the people were becoming all black, and their jaws were opening more than humanly possible as they kept on repeating her name. The hands were all getting closer from us. We were now touching one another, completely surrounded by those hands. Then, they moved way faster and a lot of them got their nails right into Elizabeth’s skin and pierced it while descending all over her body.
She screamed loudly out of pain. It was a terrifying scream. All the hands got to their pictures and back inside of it while closing what they pierced. Soon, the pictures and paintings were back to normal, but Elizabeth was bleeding from all over her body and was on the floor, crying. I got to her level and tried as much as possible to reassure her, but I wasn’t very effective as I was myself in shock and terrified.
We heard the owner walk towards us.
“What’s happening to you two? I heard screams, are you okay?”
She entered the hallway and saw the scene. She looked completely shocked.
“But what happened?” She asked.
Both of us were unable to answer to her, we had no idea what to say that wouldn’t make us sound crazy, so we just looked at her with whatever faces we were making at that moment. She didn’t wait long and went to take a first aid kid. She sat down and put some bandages all over Elizabeth, as I was reflecting on what happened. When she was done, we both wanted to leave, so we said that we had what we needed for now. She looked sorry and packed some cookies for each of us. As we opened the door to leave, she articulated one last phrase.
“I hope you’ll come back.” She had a look and a tone of sadness. We got out and were now on the street.
We both looked at each other. She was covered in bands, like she got into a huge fight. I started to speak but she lifted her hand.
“Not today. Another one.” She said. “I’ll see you at school.” And she left.
I got on my way too and gave one last look to the house. The old owner was watching me from her window, and I couldn’t tell what her expression was.
I was too tired so I ignored it and went back to my house.
I’m posting this now that I’m back at home. I have no news of Elizabeth, but she did add me on Instagram, so…
I have no idea what I should do now, I have so many questions, so, if anyone has any theories, I’ll take it. I’m also open to questions of course…
2024.05.14 15:28 Cant-Take-Jokes Suggestions for Tobacco Flavored Smoking Cessation Devices?
Looking for suggestions. My mother has had small cell lung cancer that moved to her brain in the past year, and beat both, a true miracle. The doctors are begging her to stop vaping saying it is increasing the chances of it coming back or getting worse.
She refuses. She used to smoke a pack a day and had been smoking for over 50 years but switched to vaping after she had a cancer scare (a year or so before actual diagnosis). She says she likes the action of the vaping, so I have been googling best tools to help with stopping. I see they exist (like füm) however they are all fruity or minty and stuff. She specifically will only use the tobacco flavor vapes and refuses anything else.
I feel like I’ve googled to the ends of the earth.
Does anyone have any suggestions for tools that help with vaping/smoking cessation that have tobacco flavor?? Do they even exist?
Thank you in advance.
submitted by Cant-Take-Jokes to stopsmoking [link] [comments]
She refuses. She used to smoke a pack a day and had been smoking for over 50 years but switched to vaping after she had a cancer scare (a year or so before actual diagnosis). She says she likes the action of the vaping, so I have been googling best tools to help with stopping. I see they exist (like füm) however they are all fruity or minty and stuff. She specifically will only use the tobacco flavor vapes and refuses anything else.
I feel like I’ve googled to the ends of the earth.
Does anyone have any suggestions for tools that help with vaping/smoking cessation that have tobacco flavor?? Do they even exist?
Thank you in advance.
2024.05.14 14:48 TeenySod How I mess with success (keto bread variations)
Basic recipe - in a big cappucino style/wide mug, beat together
1 egg, 1tbsp butteoil, 3tbsp almond flour, 1/2tsp baking powder (or 1/3 of that amount soda bicarb)
Consistency should be thick pancake batter, microwave for 2-3 mins depending on microwave wattage, should just drop right out of the cup if it's cooked, slice when cold, toast it, fry it, whatever.
Nice, gets boring after a while ... things I have tried, from the obvious, to the WTF - some of these need the addition of water, just a few drops to 1/2 tsp at a time to get the mix consistency back to about where it should be: -
Add seeds
Instead of butter or oil, substitute peanut butter (crunchy, always) or cream cheese or the fat that came off a roast meat joint (basically lard tbh) or pesto (WEIRD colour bread, tastes nice though and delicious toasted with cheese on top)
Add marmite (I'm British, judge all you like). This one is nice just on its own as a snack :D
Add ginger - not so sure about this one, I might have not added enough to get a good flavour so will give it another shot sometime.
My next trials will be with different 'flours' - I have a ground seeds and nuts one I'm about to test. I am also going to try paprika, as I reckon that bread with cream cheese topping could be delicious. Also, black pepper, as that could be amazing as the toast to go with scrambled egg.
Sadly intolerant to chilli and most curry-type spices (curry powder, garam masala, etc).
Any other suggestions, and opinion on the result if you've tried them?
submitted by TeenySod to ketorecipes [link] [comments]
1 egg, 1tbsp butteoil, 3tbsp almond flour, 1/2tsp baking powder (or 1/3 of that amount soda bicarb)
Consistency should be thick pancake batter, microwave for 2-3 mins depending on microwave wattage, should just drop right out of the cup if it's cooked, slice when cold, toast it, fry it, whatever.
Nice, gets boring after a while ... things I have tried, from the obvious, to the WTF - some of these need the addition of water, just a few drops to 1/2 tsp at a time to get the mix consistency back to about where it should be: -
Add seeds
Instead of butter or oil, substitute peanut butter (crunchy, always) or cream cheese or the fat that came off a roast meat joint (basically lard tbh) or pesto (WEIRD colour bread, tastes nice though and delicious toasted with cheese on top)
Add marmite (I'm British, judge all you like). This one is nice just on its own as a snack :D
Add ginger - not so sure about this one, I might have not added enough to get a good flavour so will give it another shot sometime.
My next trials will be with different 'flours' - I have a ground seeds and nuts one I'm about to test. I am also going to try paprika, as I reckon that bread with cream cheese topping could be delicious. Also, black pepper, as that could be amazing as the toast to go with scrambled egg.
Sadly intolerant to chilli and most curry-type spices (curry powder, garam masala, etc).
Any other suggestions, and opinion on the result if you've tried them?
2024.05.14 14:29 TearRepresentative56 I'm a full time trader and this is everything Im watching and analysing in premarket 14/05
ANALYSIS:
BABA
submitted by TearRepresentative56 to swingtrading [link] [comments]
- FX analysis:
- We see looking at EURUSD that skew is v elevated as IV is elevated on calls vs puts.
- EURUSD is stuck under 1.08 but traders are looking for a break towards 1.09. Note that traders seem to be pricing in softer inflation data. If PPI comes hot and CPI too tomorrow, we can see strong downward move in EURUSD as traders are seemingly complacent from positioning on soft inflation data
- BTC:
- BTC positioning shows traders sell calls. Skew points downward. Can see some pressure for this OPEX as a result, but should push up after that. Hence why price is lower in premarket.
- https://imgur.com/a/mShRPhn
- Oil:
- Range bound as traders waiting for US economic data this week. But skew is still pointing higher. Buyer momentum is higher, so it is positioned for a move higher but I suppose traders hold their breath waiting for the data.
- Silver:
- Looks like can continue higher. Skew is higher, IV change is rising.
- Calls on 28 adn 29 are the main options.
- https://imgur.com/a/q3KxHuN
- USDJPY - gamma wall at 157C. Can get stopped there, before move higher after. Positioning on JPY v bearish.
- Japan PPI:
- YOY came 0.9% vs 0.9% forecast, last month was revised to 0.9% YOY too.
- So is gradually increasing since November.
- German Final inflation revision showed no change to preliminary reading. Confirmed the prelim reading. inflation of 2.2% vs 2.2% last time.
- UK EMPLOYMENT DATA
- 178k people got laid off in the last month, less than the 215k expected.
- More than the 156k last month.
- So labour market is continuing to weaken.
- Unemployment rate rose to 4.3% in line with expectations. Highest reading in over a year.
- Average earnings still came hot though, at 5.7% growth YOY vs 5.3% forecasted. Last month was 5.7% YOY.
- Average earnings growth has come down a lot though in the last year and is now near yearly lows of growth.
- So UK labour market data showed weakening of labour market.
- EURO ZEW Economic Sentiment index:
- Came 47 vs 46.1 expected.
- Highest economic sentiment reading in over a year.
- Economic sentiment in Eurozone continues to improve.
- German economic sentiment index came 47.1 vs 46 expected. Highest in a year.
- US PPI Data
- Fed’s Powell is due to speak at 10am, unlikely to say anything in particular.
- Markets are flat, waiting for PPI.
- SPX trading flat around the levels it was at yesterday, ahead of PPI. Market waiting for PPI
- Nasdaq: 18,200. Trading flat around these levels.
- DJI flat at 39.5k
- GEr40: Trading flat at the highs, trading at 18,700.
- HKG trading lower by 0.8%. Tested close to 19k and held.
- OIL trading flat the last week or so around 77-79.
- GOLD: trading flat at 2,344.
- GBP down due to weak employment data, which points to firstly, rate cuts being on the horizon, and weakness in UK economy.
- Also down because BOE’s Pill says that Rate cut is likely to come under consideration in Summer, after employment data. Gilts are up in UK as a result. V explicit mention of rate cuts to come.
- Recovered somewhat with EURO which headed higher after ZEW Economic survey
- Yen continues weakness after failed intervention
- DXY flat ahead of PPI
- EURUSD trading t the 1.08 resistance
- AUDUSD trading at 0.66. Still stuck under the downtrend trend line.
BABA
- EPS of 10.14 vs 10.21 expected. Miss by 0.7%
- Revenue of 221.8B beat by 1%. Up 6% YOY
- Adjusted EBITDA was 30.81B yuan, beat by 1.4%
- Segment revenue:
- Taobao group was 93B, beat estimates by 1%, down 28% QOQ
- Cloud intelligence was down 8% QOQ
- Local services group revenue was 15B Yuan
- Cainiao Smart logistics network was 20.12B yuan
- So mixed segment revenue.
- Approved a $4B dividend for Fy 2024.
- One time extraordinary cash dividend
- Repurchased $12.5B worth of shares in Fy 2024.
- They are focusing on enhancing customer experience and growing AI product capabilities
- Significant investments in strategic business priorities, particularly in ecomm
- CEO comments:
- Returning to growth, our china and international commerce business saw double digit GMV growth
- Accelerated revenue in cloud computing
- NOT GREAT EARNINGS ON THE WHOLE. EPS was dissapoitning, segment revenues were dissapointing.
- Down as they say that delayed spring selling is hurting sales.
- Weak current quarter, comps were down worse than expected. But they maintained the Full year guide, which was better than many expected imo
- Rev $36.4B vs $36.7B est. missed narrowly
- Comps -2.8% vs -2.2% est. worse than expected
- EPS $3.63 vs $3.60 est. slightly better than expected
- Customer transactions were down 1% YOY
- Average ticket down 1.3% YOY
- Sales per retail square foot were down 3.4% YOY
- Maintains FY guide
- FY EPS of $15.26
- FY sales of 154.2B
- The 1Q weakness is in-line with what we highlighted, but FY guide maintained = better than feared by some.
- Delayed start to sprint and softness in larger discretionary projects hurt sales.
- Still seeing challenges
- But are trying to look forward to rest of the fiscal year with robust plans to engage customers.
- Announced new leadership structure.
- Is adopting a new dual CEO structure for their video game Unit.
- Net profit was 189B yen , up 34% YOY and beat by 26.8%
- Revenue was 3.48T, up 14% YOY, beat by 14%
- EPS of 153.6, beat by 34%
- Segment performance:
- Game Business revenue was 3.481T, up 14% YOY
- Game business operating profit was 105.9B, more than double YOY
- Moving business operating profit was nearly double YOY
- So strong quarter results
- GUIDANCE FOR FY2025:
- Revenue of 12.31T, down 5.5% YOY
- Net profit of 925B down 4% YOY
- Planning partial spin off of financial unit
- Conducting 5-1 stock split
- Announced buyback of 250B shares
- Seen strong performance in game and movie business, leading to robust quarter.
- MSFT - OPENAI announcements yesterday:
- Releases voice assistant, which acts as a translator in real time.
- OpenAI GPT 4o which is faster, omnimodel and easier. It will launch on desktop version too. Said this model will be available for free.
- Showcased use of AI for tutoring.
- Announced they have over 100m+ users using chatGPT worldwide.
- TSLA - rehires their key Supercharger Team, reversing recent cuts.
- GOOGL, AMZN - Anthropic, which is backed by these companies is launching its GenAI chatbot Claude throughout europe including EU countries Switzerland and Iceland.
- GOOGL - has their own IO developer event today. Is expected to showcase its latest AI tools and AI linked enhancements to products.
- AAPL - Foxconn reported earnings. Whilst their results jumped a lot YOY, they missed estimates. They said they saw strong server demand due to AI, but consumer electronics sales were down 9%, weakness in iPhone in CHina.
- Said they are cautious about near term consumer electronics demand.
- AAPL - preparing o sell Vision Pro device outside of US for first time, plans to expand to CHina, Japan and France.
- SPWR up as part of a short squeeze of meme stocks, and other heavily shorted stocks.
- GME - Up 40% in premarket. The squeeze continues.
- AMC up 50% too, BB up 15%
- The meme stocks are seeing momentum continuing on from yesterday, after coming into focus due to Roaring Kitty’s tweet during weekend.
- Chinese EV company, BYD is unveiling Plug in hybrid pickup truck in Mexico. It’s called the shark and will be distributed globally except for US.
- RUM - Rumble sues Google for $1B over anticompetitive ad practices. Files lawsuit
- WMT - to lay off and relocate hundreds of corporate workers. Remote workers have been asked to move to larger corporate hubs. Small office employees in Dallas, Atlanta and Toronto to relocate
- UBER - Willa acquire FoodPanda’s Taiwan business for 950M
- ULTA - maintained at hold by Stifel
- Meme stock rally this morning continues.
- US small business index ahead of expectations, but much below the historically average level. Cost pressures remain the main issue as many small businesses still raise wages to retain workers.Inflation still the main issue for small businesses in US, but less so than before.
- Yesterday’s trading saw the lowest volume day since Thanksgiving 2023. This is as traders await the key economic news coming out this week.
- Yesterday saw inflation expectations rise for next year to 3.3%, highest since November 2023.
- From the data this morning then, we can see that the macro trends are:
- UK labour market continues to weaken
- Euro economic sentiment improves
- Bank of America sees slower growth but still positive spending in the US. People are getting user to higher rate environment.
- US administration increases tariffs on $18B of Chinese imports. Including semiconductors, batteries, solars, EVs etc. Trying to bolster domestic manufacturing.
- Yesterday, Yellen said that China is not really playing by the rules on trade, said it is unacceptable to be dependent on China in key industries.
- B of A fund manager survey shows fund managers are most bullish since 2021. Not seeing signs of big pullback here. Cash allocation decreasing as fund managers INCREASE exposure to the market too. Lowest cash level since 2021.
- BOE’s Pill says that Rate cut is likely to come under consideration in Summer, after employment data. Gilts are up in UK as a result. V explicit mention of rate cuts to come.
- Said we can cut rates and still have restrictive policy.
- OPEC sees demand for doc crude in 2024 at 43.2M BPD in 2024, and says they will now only forecast demand for doc crude
- OPEC said that despite some downside risks, there is further upside potential for global economic growth in 2024.
2024.05.14 14:28 TearRepresentative56 I'm a full time trader and this is my total premarket report ahead of PPI so that you know what is going on before you trade today
ANALYSIS:
BABA
submitted by TearRepresentative56 to Daytrading [link] [comments]
- FX analysis:
- We see looking at EURUSD that skew is v elevated as IV is elevated on calls vs puts.
- EURUSD is stuck under 1.08 but traders are looking for a break towards 1.09. Note that traders seem to be pricing in softer inflation data. If PPI comes hot and CPI too tomorrow, we can see strong downward move in EURUSD as traders are seemingly complacent from positioning on soft inflation data
- BTC:
- BTC positioning shows traders sell calls. Skew points downward. Can see some pressure for this OPEX as a result, but should push up after that. Hence why price is lower in premarket.
- https://imgur.com/a/mShRPhn
- Oil:
- Range bound as traders waiting for US economic data this week. But skew is still pointing higher. Buyer momentum is higher, so it is positioned for a move higher but I suppose traders hold their breath waiting for the data.
- Silver:
- Looks like can continue higher. Skew is higher, IV change is rising.
- Calls on 28 adn 29 are the main options.
- https://imgur.com/a/q3KxHuN
- USDJPY - gamma wall at 157C. Can get stopped there, before move higher after. Positioning on JPY v bearish.
- Japan PPI:
- YOY came 0.9% vs 0.9% forecast, last month was revised to 0.9% YOY too.
- So is gradually increasing since November.
- German Final inflation revision showed no change to preliminary reading. Confirmed the prelim reading. inflation of 2.2% vs 2.2% last time.
- UK EMPLOYMENT DATA
- 178k people got laid off in the last month, less than the 215k expected.
- More than the 156k last month.
- So labour market is continuing to weaken.
- Unemployment rate rose to 4.3% in line with expectations. Highest reading in over a year.
- Average earnings still came hot though, at 5.7% growth YOY vs 5.3% forecasted. Last month was 5.7% YOY.
- Average earnings growth has come down a lot though in the last year and is now near yearly lows of growth.
- So UK labour market data showed weakening of labour market.
- EURO ZEW Economic Sentiment index:
- Came 47 vs 46.1 expected.
- Highest economic sentiment reading in over a year.
- Economic sentiment in Eurozone continues to improve.
- German economic sentiment index came 47.1 vs 46 expected. Highest in a year.
- US PPI Data
- Fed’s Powell is due to speak at 10am, unlikely to say anything in particular.
- Markets are flat, waiting for PPI.
- SPX trading flat around the levels it was at yesterday, ahead of PPI. Market waiting for PPI
- Nasdaq: 18,200. Trading flat around these levels.
- DJI flat at 39.5k
- GEr40: Trading flat at the highs, trading at 18,700.
- HKG trading lower by 0.8%. Tested close to 19k and held.
- OIL trading flat the last week or so around 77-79.
- GOLD: trading flat at 2,344.
- GBP down due to weak employment data, which points to firstly, rate cuts being on the horizon, and weakness in UK economy.
- Also down because BOE’s Pill says that Rate cut is likely to come under consideration in Summer, after employment data. Gilts are up in UK as a result. V explicit mention of rate cuts to come.
- Recovered somewhat with EURO which headed higher after ZEW Economic survey
- Yen continues weakness after failed intervention
- DXY flat ahead of PPI
- EURUSD trading t the 1.08 resistance
- AUDUSD trading at 0.66. Still stuck under the downtrend trend line.
BABA
- EPS of 10.14 vs 10.21 expected. Miss by 0.7%
- Revenue of 221.8B beat by 1%. Up 6% YOY
- Adjusted EBITDA was 30.81B yuan, beat by 1.4%
- Segment revenue:
- Taobao group was 93B, beat estimates by 1%, down 28% QOQ
- Cloud intelligence was down 8% QOQ
- Local services group revenue was 15B Yuan
- Cainiao Smart logistics network was 20.12B yuan
- So mixed segment revenue.
- Approved a $4B dividend for Fy 2024.
- One time extraordinary cash dividend
- Repurchased $12.5B worth of shares in Fy 2024.
- They are focusing on enhancing customer experience and growing AI product capabilities
- Significant investments in strategic business priorities, particularly in ecomm
- CEO comments:
- Returning to growth, our china and international commerce business saw double digit GMV growth
- Accelerated revenue in cloud computing
- NOT GREAT EARNINGS ON THE WHOLE. EPS was dissapoitning, segment revenues were dissapointing.
- Down as they say that delayed spring selling is hurting sales.
- Weak current quarter, comps were down worse than expected. But they maintained the Full year guide, which was better than many expected imo
- Rev $36.4B vs $36.7B est. missed narrowly
- Comps -2.8% vs -2.2% est. worse than expected
- EPS $3.63 vs $3.60 est. slightly better than expected
- Customer transactions were down 1% YOY
- Average ticket down 1.3% YOY
- Sales per retail square foot were down 3.4% YOY
- Maintains FY guide
- FY EPS of $15.26
- FY sales of 154.2B
- The 1Q weakness is in-line with what we highlighted, but FY guide maintained = better than feared by some.
- Delayed start to sprint and softness in larger discretionary projects hurt sales.
- Still seeing challenges
- But are trying to look forward to rest of the fiscal year with robust plans to engage customers.
- Announced new leadership structure.
- Is adopting a new dual CEO structure for their video game Unit.
- Net profit was 189B yen , up 34% YOY and beat by 26.8%
- Revenue was 3.48T, up 14% YOY, beat by 14%
- EPS of 153.6, beat by 34%
- Segment performance:
- Game Business revenue was 3.481T, up 14% YOY
- Game business operating profit was 105.9B, more than double YOY
- Moving business operating profit was nearly double YOY
- So strong quarter results
- GUIDANCE FOR FY2025:
- Revenue of 12.31T, down 5.5% YOY
- Net profit of 925B down 4% YOY
- Planning partial spin off of financial unit
- Conducting 5-1 stock split
- Announced buyback of 250B shares
- Seen strong performance in game and movie business, leading to robust quarter.
- MSFT - OPENAI announcements yesterday:
- Releases voice assistant, which acts as a translator in real time.
- OpenAI GPT 4o which is faster, omnimodel and easier. It will launch on desktop version too. Said this model will be available for free.
- Showcased use of AI for tutoring.
- Announced they have over 100m+ users using chatGPT worldwide.
- TSLA - rehires their key Supercharger Team, reversing recent cuts.
- GOOGL, AMZN - Anthropic, which is backed by these companies is launching its GenAI chatbot Claude throughout europe including EU countries Switzerland and Iceland.
- GOOGL - has their own IO developer event today. Is expected to showcase its latest AI tools and AI linked enhancements to products.
- AAPL - Foxconn reported earnings. Whilst their results jumped a lot YOY, they missed estimates. They said they saw strong server demand due to AI, but consumer electronics sales were down 9%, weakness in iPhone in CHina.
- Said they are cautious about near term consumer electronics demand.
- AAPL - preparing o sell Vision Pro device outside of US for first time, plans to expand to CHina, Japan and France.
- SPWR up as part of a short squeeze of meme stocks, and other heavily shorted stocks.
- GME - Up 40% in premarket. The squeeze continues.
- AMC up 50% too, BB up 15%
- The meme stocks are seeing momentum continuing on from yesterday, after coming into focus due to Roaring Kitty’s tweet during weekend.
- Chinese EV company, BYD is unveiling Plug in hybrid pickup truck in Mexico. It’s called the shark and will be distributed globally except for US.
- RUM - Rumble sues Google for $1B over anticompetitive ad practices. Files lawsuit
- WMT - to lay off and relocate hundreds of corporate workers. Remote workers have been asked to move to larger corporate hubs. Small office employees in Dallas, Atlanta and Toronto to relocate
- UBER - Willa acquire FoodPanda’s Taiwan business for 950M
- ULTA - maintained at hold by Stifel
- Meme stock rally this morning continues.
- US small business index ahead of expectations, but much below the historically average level. Cost pressures remain the main issue as many small businesses still raise wages to retain workers.Inflation still the main issue for small businesses in US, but less so than before.
- Yesterday’s trading saw the lowest volume day since Thanksgiving 2023. This is as traders await the key economic news coming out this week.
- Yesterday saw inflation expectations rise for next year to 3.3%, highest since November 2023.
- From the data this morning then, we can see that the macro trends are:
- UK labour market continues to weaken
- Euro economic sentiment improves
- Bank of America sees slower growth but still positive spending in the US. People are getting user to higher rate environment.
- US administration increases tariffs on $18B of Chinese imports. Including semiconductors, batteries, solars, EVs etc. Trying to bolster domestic manufacturing.
- Yesterday, Yellen said that China is not really playing by the rules on trade, said it is unacceptable to be dependent on China in key industries.
- B of A fund manager survey shows fund managers are most bullish since 2021. Not seeing signs of big pullback here. Cash allocation decreasing as fund managers INCREASE exposure to the market too. Lowest cash level since 2021.
- BOE’s Pill says that Rate cut is likely to come under consideration in Summer, after employment data. Gilts are up in UK as a result. V explicit mention of rate cuts to come.
- Said we can cut rates and still have restrictive policy.
- OPEC sees demand for doc crude in 2024 at 43.2M BPD in 2024, and says they will now only forecast demand for doc crude
- OPEC said that despite some downside risks, there is further upside potential for global economic growth in 2024.
2024.05.14 14:28 drarchitpanditt How to find food pipe cancer specialist in Gurgaon?
Introduction:
Food pipe cancer, medically known as esophageal cancer, is a malignant condition affecting the esophagus, the muscular tube connecting the throat (pharynx) with the stomach. This type of cancer typically starts in the inner layer of the esophagus and can spread throughout the organ and to other parts of the body if not diagnosed and treated early.
Food Pipe Cancer Surgeon in Gurgaon
Early detection and treatment are crucial for improving outcomes in patients with esophageal cancer. Diagnosis typically involves a combination of imaging tests like endoscopy, biopsy, and imaging scans to determine the extent of the cancer’s spread. Treatment options may include surgery, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, or a combination of these approaches, depending on the stage and location of the cancer.
For individuals in Gurgaon seeking expert care and treatment for food pipe cancer, Dr. Ajeet Tiwari stands out as a renowned specialist in the field. With years of experience and expertise in managing esophageal cancer cases, Dr. Tiwari offers personalized treatment plans tailored to each patient’s unique needs. As the best food pipe cancer specialist in Gurgaon, Dr. Ajeet Tiwari employs the latest advancements in medical technology and treatment protocols to ensure the best possible outcomes for his patients.
Website: https://www.drarchitpandit.com/esophagus-food-pipe.php
submitted by drarchitpanditt to u/drarchitpanditt [link] [comments]
Food pipe cancer, medically known as esophageal cancer, is a malignant condition affecting the esophagus, the muscular tube connecting the throat (pharynx) with the stomach. This type of cancer typically starts in the inner layer of the esophagus and can spread throughout the organ and to other parts of the body if not diagnosed and treated early.
Food Pipe Cancer Surgeon in Gurgaon
best food pipe cancer specialist in Gurgaon
Esophageal cancer often presents symptoms such as difficulty swallowing, unintentional weight loss, chest pain, and persistent coughing. While the exact cause of esophageal cancer isn’t always clear, certain risk factors can increase one’s likelihood of developing this condition. These factors include tobacco use, heavy alcohol consumption, obesity, chronic acid reflux, and a diet low in fruits and vegetables.Early detection and treatment are crucial for improving outcomes in patients with esophageal cancer. Diagnosis typically involves a combination of imaging tests like endoscopy, biopsy, and imaging scans to determine the extent of the cancer’s spread. Treatment options may include surgery, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, or a combination of these approaches, depending on the stage and location of the cancer.
For individuals in Gurgaon seeking expert care and treatment for food pipe cancer, Dr. Ajeet Tiwari stands out as a renowned specialist in the field. With years of experience and expertise in managing esophageal cancer cases, Dr. Tiwari offers personalized treatment plans tailored to each patient’s unique needs. As the best food pipe cancer specialist in Gurgaon, Dr. Ajeet Tiwari employs the latest advancements in medical technology and treatment protocols to ensure the best possible outcomes for his patients.
Food Pipe Cancer Surgeon in Gurgaon
When it comes to surgical intervention for food pipe cancer surgeon in Gurgaon, Dr. Ajeet Tiwari is the name to trust. As a highly skilled and experienced food pipe cancer surgeon, Dr. Tiwari specializes in performing intricate surgical procedures to remove cancerous tumors while preserving as much healthy tissue and function as possible. With a commitment to excellence and patient-centered care, Dr. Ajeet Tiwari strives to deliver superior surgical outcomes and improve the quality of life for individuals battling food pipe cancer in Gurgaon.Website: https://www.drarchitpandit.com/esophagus-food-pipe.php
2024.05.14 14:27 TearRepresentative56 Everything Im watching and anlaysing in premarket ahead of PPI. more updates to come during the day. 14/05
For more of my daily analysis please join Tradingedge
ANALYSIS:
BABA
submitted by TearRepresentative56 to u/TearRepresentative56 [link] [comments]
ANALYSIS:
- FX analysis:
- We see looking at EURUSD that skew is v elevated as IV is elevated on calls vs puts.
- EURUSD is stuck under 1.08 but traders are looking for a break towards 1.09. Note that traders seem to be pricing in softer inflation data. If PPI comes hot and CPI too tomorrow, we can see strong downward move in EURUSD as traders are seemingly complacent from positioning on soft inflation data
- BTC:
- BTC positioning shows traders sell calls. Skew points downward. Can see some pressure for this OPEX as a result, but should push up after that. Hence why price is lower in premarket.
- https://imgur.com/a/mShRPhn
- Oil:
- Range bound as traders waiting for US economic data this week. But skew is still pointing higher. Buyer momentum is higher, so it is positioned for a move higher but I suppose traders hold their breath waiting for the data.
- Silver:
- Looks like can continue higher. Skew is higher, IV change is rising.
- Calls on 28 adn 29 are the main options.
- https://imgur.com/a/q3KxHuN
- USDJPY - gamma wall at 157C. Can get stopped there, before move higher after. Positioning on JPY v bearish.
- Japan PPI:
- YOY came 0.9% vs 0.9% forecast, last month was revised to 0.9% YOY too.
- So is gradually increasing since November.
- German Final inflation revision showed no change to preliminary reading. Confirmed the prelim reading. inflation of 2.2% vs 2.2% last time.
- UK EMPLOYMENT DATA
- 178k people got laid off in the last month, less than the 215k expected.
- More than the 156k last month.
- So labour market is continuing to weaken.
- Unemployment rate rose to 4.3% in line with expectations. Highest reading in over a year.
- Average earnings still came hot though, at 5.7% growth YOY vs 5.3% forecasted. Last month was 5.7% YOY.
- Average earnings growth has come down a lot though in the last year and is now near yearly lows of growth.
- So UK labour market data showed weakening of labour market.
- EURO ZEW Economic Sentiment index:
- Came 47 vs 46.1 expected.
- Highest economic sentiment reading in over a year.
- Economic sentiment in Eurozone continues to improve.
- German economic sentiment index came 47.1 vs 46 expected. Highest in a year.
- US PPI Data
- Fed’s Powell is due to speak at 10am, unlikely to say anything in particular.
- Markets are flat, waiting for PPI.
- SPX trading flat around the levels it was at yesterday, ahead of PPI. Market waiting for PPI
- Nasdaq: 18,200. Trading flat around these levels.
- DJI flat at 39.5k
- GEr40: Trading flat at the highs, trading at 18,700.
- HKG trading lower by 0.8%. Tested close to 19k and held.
- OIL trading flat the last week or so around 77-79.
- GOLD: trading flat at 2,344.
- GBP down due to weak employment data, which points to firstly, rate cuts being on the horizon, and weakness in UK economy.
- Also down because BOE’s Pill says that Rate cut is likely to come under consideration in Summer, after employment data. Gilts are up in UK as a result. V explicit mention of rate cuts to come.
- Recovered somewhat with EURO which headed higher after ZEW Economic survey
- Yen continues weakness after failed intervention
- DXY flat ahead of PPI
- EURUSD trading t the 1.08 resistance
- AUDUSD trading at 0.66. Still stuck under the downtrend trend line.
BABA
- EPS of 10.14 vs 10.21 expected. Miss by 0.7%
- Revenue of 221.8B beat by 1%. Up 6% YOY
- Adjusted EBITDA was 30.81B yuan, beat by 1.4%
- Segment revenue:
- Taobao group was 93B, beat estimates by 1%, down 28% QOQ
- Cloud intelligence was down 8% QOQ
- Local services group revenue was 15B Yuan
- Cainiao Smart logistics network was 20.12B yuan
- So mixed segment revenue.
- Approved a $4B dividend for Fy 2024.
- One time extraordinary cash dividend
- Repurchased $12.5B worth of shares in Fy 2024.
- They are focusing on enhancing customer experience and growing AI product capabilities
- Significant investments in strategic business priorities, particularly in ecomm
- CEO comments:
- Returning to growth, our china and international commerce business saw double digit GMV growth
- Accelerated revenue in cloud computing
- NOT GREAT EARNINGS ON THE WHOLE. EPS was dissapoitning, segment revenues were dissapointing.
- Down as they say that delayed spring selling is hurting sales.
- Weak current quarter, comps were down worse than expected. But they maintained the Full year guide, which was better than many expected imo
- Rev $36.4B vs $36.7B est. missed narrowly
- Comps -2.8% vs -2.2% est. worse than expected
- EPS $3.63 vs $3.60 est. slightly better than expected
- Customer transactions were down 1% YOY
- Average ticket down 1.3% YOY
- Sales per retail square foot were down 3.4% YOY
- Maintains FY guide
- FY EPS of $15.26
- FY sales of 154.2B
- The 1Q weakness is in-line with what we highlighted, but FY guide maintained = better than feared by some.
- Delayed start to sprint and softness in larger discretionary projects hurt sales.
- Still seeing challenges
- But are trying to look forward to rest of the fiscal year with robust plans to engage customers.
- Announced new leadership structure.
- Is adopting a new dual CEO structure for their video game Unit.
- Net profit was 189B yen , up 34% YOY and beat by 26.8%
- Revenue was 3.48T, up 14% YOY, beat by 14%
- EPS of 153.6, beat by 34%
- Segment performance:
- Game Business revenue was 3.481T, up 14% YOY
- Game business operating profit was 105.9B, more than double YOY
- Moving business operating profit was nearly double YOY
- So strong quarter results
- GUIDANCE FOR FY2025:
- Revenue of 12.31T, down 5.5% YOY
- Net profit of 925B down 4% YOY
- Planning partial spin off of financial unit
- Conducting 5-1 stock split
- Announced buyback of 250B shares
- Seen strong performance in game and movie business, leading to robust quarter.
- MSFT - OPENAI announcements yesterday:
- Releases voice assistant, which acts as a translator in real time.
- OpenAI GPT 4o which is faster, omnimodel and easier. It will launch on desktop version too. Said this model will be available for free.
- Showcased use of AI for tutoring.
- Announced they have over 100m+ users using chatGPT worldwide.
- TSLA - rehires their key Supercharger Team, reversing recent cuts.
- GOOGL, AMZN - Anthropic, which is backed by these companies is launching its GenAI chatbot Claude throughout europe including EU countries Switzerland and Iceland.
- GOOGL - has their own IO developer event today. Is expected to showcase its latest AI tools and AI linked enhancements to products.
- AAPL - Foxconn reported earnings. Whilst their results jumped a lot YOY, they missed estimates. They said they saw strong server demand due to AI, but consumer electronics sales were down 9%, weakness in iPhone in CHina.
- Said they are cautious about near term consumer electronics demand.
- AAPL - preparing o sell Vision Pro device outside of US for first time, plans to expand to CHina, Japan and France.
- SPWR up as part of a short squeeze of meme stocks, and other heavily shorted stocks.
- GME - Up 40% in premarket. The squeeze continues.
- AMC up 50% too, BB up 15%
- The meme stocks are seeing momentum continuing on from yesterday, after coming into focus due to Roaring Kitty’s tweet during weekend.
- Chinese EV company, BYD is unveiling Plug in hybrid pickup truck in Mexico. It’s called the shark and will be distributed globally except for US.
- RUM - Rumble sues Google for $1B over anticompetitive ad practices. Files lawsuit
- WMT - to lay off and relocate hundreds of corporate workers. Remote workers have been asked to move to larger corporate hubs. Small office employees in Dallas, Atlanta and Toronto to relocate
- UBER - Willa acquire FoodPanda’s Taiwan business for 950M
- ULTA - maintained at hold by Stifel
- Meme stock rally this morning continues.
- US small business index ahead of expectations, but much below the historically average level. Cost pressures remain the main issue as many small businesses still raise wages to retain workers.Inflation still the main issue for small businesses in US, but less so than before.
- Yesterday’s trading saw the lowest volume day since Thanksgiving 2023. This is as traders await the key economic news coming out this week.
- Yesterday saw inflation expectations rise for next year to 3.3%, highest since November 2023.
- From the data this morning then, we can see that the macro trends are:
- UK labour market continues to weaken
- Euro economic sentiment improves
- Bank of America sees slower growth but still positive spending in the US. People are getting user to higher rate environment.
- US administration increases tariffs on $18B of Chinese imports. Including semiconductors, batteries, solars, EVs etc. Trying to bolster domestic manufacturing.
- Yesterday, Yellen said that China is not really playing by the rules on trade, said it is unacceptable to be dependent on China in key industries.
- B of A fund manager survey shows fund managers are most bullish since 2021. Not seeing signs of big pullback here. Cash allocation decreasing as fund managers INCREASE exposure to the market too. Lowest cash level since 2021.
- BOE’s Pill says that Rate cut is likely to come under consideration in Summer, after employment data. Gilts are up in UK as a result. V explicit mention of rate cuts to come.
- Said we can cut rates and still have restrictive policy.
- OPEC sees demand for doc crude in 2024 at 43.2M BPD in 2024, and says they will now only forecast demand for doc crude
- OPEC said that despite some downside risks, there is further upside potential for global economic growth in 2024.
2024.05.14 14:25 TearRepresentative56 Everything I'm watching and analysing in premarket ahead of PPI more updates to come later. 14/05
For more of my daily analysis please join Tradingedge
ANALYSIS:
BABA
submitted by TearRepresentative56 to TradingEdge [link] [comments]
ANALYSIS:
- FX analysis:
- We see looking at EURUSD that skew is v elevated as IV is elevated on calls vs puts.
- EURUSD is stuck under 1.08 but traders are looking for a break towards 1.09. Note that traders seem to be pricing in softer inflation data. If PPI comes hot and CPI too tomorrow, we can see strong downward move in EURUSD as traders are seemingly complacent from positioning on soft inflation data
- BTC:
- BTC positioning shows traders sell calls. Skew points downward. Can see some pressure for this OPEX as a result, but should push up after that. Hence why price is lower in premarket.
- https://imgur.com/a/mShRPhn
- Oil:
- Range bound as traders waiting for US economic data this week. But skew is still pointing higher. Buyer momentum is higher, so it is positioned for a move higher but I suppose traders hold their breath waiting for the data.
- Silver:
- Looks like can continue higher. Skew is higher, IV change is rising.
- Calls on 28 adn 29 are the main options.
- https://imgur.com/a/q3KxHuN
- USDJPY - gamma wall at 157C. Can get stopped there, before move higher after. Positioning on JPY v bearish.
- Japan PPI:
- YOY came 0.9% vs 0.9% forecast, last month was revised to 0.9% YOY too.
- So is gradually increasing since November.
- German Final inflation revision showed no change to preliminary reading. Confirmed the prelim reading. inflation of 2.2% vs 2.2% last time.
- UK EMPLOYMENT DATA
- 178k people got laid off in the last month, less than the 215k expected.
- More than the 156k last month.
- So labour market is continuing to weaken.
- Unemployment rate rose to 4.3% in line with expectations. Highest reading in over a year.
- Average earnings still came hot though, at 5.7% growth YOY vs 5.3% forecasted. Last month was 5.7% YOY.
- Average earnings growth has come down a lot though in the last year and is now near yearly lows of growth.
- So UK labour market data showed weakening of labour market.
- EURO ZEW Economic Sentiment index:
- Came 47 vs 46.1 expected.
- Highest economic sentiment reading in over a year.
- Economic sentiment in Eurozone continues to improve.
- German economic sentiment index came 47.1 vs 46 expected. Highest in a year.
- US PPI Data
- Fed’s Powell is due to speak at 10am, unlikely to say anything in particular.
- Markets are flat, waiting for PPI.
- SPX trading flat around the levels it was at yesterday, ahead of PPI. Market waiting for PPI
- Nasdaq: 18,200. Trading flat around these levels.
- DJI flat at 39.5k
- GEr40: Trading flat at the highs, trading at 18,700.
- HKG trading lower by 0.8%. Tested close to 19k and held.
- OIL trading flat the last week or so around 77-79.
- GOLD: trading flat at 2,344.
- GBP down due to weak employment data, which points to firstly, rate cuts being on the horizon, and weakness in UK economy.
- Also down because BOE’s Pill says that Rate cut is likely to come under consideration in Summer, after employment data. Gilts are up in UK as a result. V explicit mention of rate cuts to come.
- Recovered somewhat with EURO which headed higher after ZEW Economic survey
- Yen continues weakness after failed intervention
- DXY flat ahead of PPI
- EURUSD trading t the 1.08 resistance
- AUDUSD trading at 0.66. Still stuck under the downtrend trend line.
BABA
- EPS of 10.14 vs 10.21 expected. Miss by 0.7%
- Revenue of 221.8B beat by 1%. Up 6% YOY
- Adjusted EBITDA was 30.81B yuan, beat by 1.4%
- Segment revenue:
- Taobao group was 93B, beat estimates by 1%, down 28% QOQ
- Cloud intelligence was down 8% QOQ
- Local services group revenue was 15B Yuan
- Cainiao Smart logistics network was 20.12B yuan
- So mixed segment revenue.
- Approved a $4B dividend for Fy 2024.
- One time extraordinary cash dividend
- Repurchased $12.5B worth of shares in Fy 2024.
- They are focusing on enhancing customer experience and growing AI product capabilities
- Significant investments in strategic business priorities, particularly in ecomm
- CEO comments:
- Returning to growth, our china and international commerce business saw double digit GMV growth
- Accelerated revenue in cloud computing
- NOT GREAT EARNINGS ON THE WHOLE. EPS was dissapoitning, segment revenues were dissapointing.
- Down as they say that delayed spring selling is hurting sales.
- Weak current quarter, comps were down worse than expected. But they maintained the Full year guide, which was better than many expected imo
- Rev $36.4B vs $36.7B est. missed narrowly
- Comps -2.8% vs -2.2% est. worse than expected
- EPS $3.63 vs $3.60 est. slightly better than expected
- Customer transactions were down 1% YOY
- Average ticket down 1.3% YOY
- Sales per retail square foot were down 3.4% YOY
- Maintains FY guide
- FY EPS of $15.26
- FY sales of 154.2B
- The 1Q weakness is in-line with what we highlighted, but FY guide maintained = better than feared by some.
- Delayed start to sprint and softness in larger discretionary projects hurt sales.
- Still seeing challenges
- But are trying to look forward to rest of the fiscal year with robust plans to engage customers.
- Announced new leadership structure.
- Is adopting a new dual CEO structure for their video game Unit.
- Net profit was 189B yen , up 34% YOY and beat by 26.8%
- Revenue was 3.48T, up 14% YOY, beat by 14%
- EPS of 153.6, beat by 34%
- Segment performance:
- Game Business revenue was 3.481T, up 14% YOY
- Game business operating profit was 105.9B, more than double YOY
- Moving business operating profit was nearly double YOY
- So strong quarter results
- GUIDANCE FOR FY2025:
- Revenue of 12.31T, down 5.5% YOY
- Net profit of 925B down 4% YOY
- Planning partial spin off of financial unit
- Conducting 5-1 stock split
- Announced buyback of 250B shares
- Seen strong performance in game and movie business, leading to robust quarter.
- MSFT - OPENAI announcements yesterday:
- Releases voice assistant, which acts as a translator in real time.
- OpenAI GPT 4o which is faster, omnimodel and easier. It will launch on desktop version too. Said this model will be available for free.
- Showcased use of AI for tutoring.
- Announced they have over 100m+ users using chatGPT worldwide.
- TSLA - rehires their key Supercharger Team, reversing recent cuts.
- GOOGL, AMZN - Anthropic, which is backed by these companies is launching its GenAI chatbot Claude throughout europe including EU countries Switzerland and Iceland.
- GOOGL - has their own IO developer event today. Is expected to showcase its latest AI tools and AI linked enhancements to products.
- AAPL - Foxconn reported earnings. Whilst their results jumped a lot YOY, they missed estimates. They said they saw strong server demand due to AI, but consumer electronics sales were down 9%, weakness in iPhone in CHina.
- Said they are cautious about near term consumer electronics demand.
- AAPL - preparing o sell Vision Pro device outside of US for first time, plans to expand to CHina, Japan and France.
- SPWR up as part of a short squeeze of meme stocks, and other heavily shorted stocks.
- GME - Up 40% in premarket. The squeeze continues.
- AMC up 50% too, BB up 15%
- The meme stocks are seeing momentum continuing on from yesterday, after coming into focus due to Roaring Kitty’s tweet during weekend.
- Chinese EV company, BYD is unveiling Plug in hybrid pickup truck in Mexico. It’s called the shark and will be distributed globally except for US.
- RUM - Rumble sues Google for $1B over anticompetitive ad practices. Files lawsuit
- WMT - to lay off and relocate hundreds of corporate workers. Remote workers have been asked to move to larger corporate hubs. Small office employees in Dallas, Atlanta and Toronto to relocate
- UBER - Willa acquire FoodPanda’s Taiwan business for 950M
- ULTA - maintained at hold by Stifel
- Meme stock rally this morning continues.
- US small business index ahead of expectations, but much below the historically average level. Cost pressures remain the main issue as many small businesses still raise wages to retain workers.Inflation still the main issue for small businesses in US, but less so than before.
- Yesterday’s trading saw the lowest volume day since Thanksgiving 2023. This is as traders await the key economic news coming out this week.
- Yesterday saw inflation expectations rise for next year to 3.3%, highest since November 2023.
- From the data this morning then, we can see that the macro trends are:
- UK labour market continues to weaken
- Euro economic sentiment improves
- Bank of America sees slower growth but still positive spending in the US. People are getting user to higher rate environment.
- US administration increases tariffs on $18B of Chinese imports. Including semiconductors, batteries, solars, EVs etc. Trying to bolster domestic manufacturing.
- Yesterday, Yellen said that China is not really playing by the rules on trade, said it is unacceptable to be dependent on China in key industries.
- B of A fund manager survey shows fund managers are most bullish since 2021. Not seeing signs of big pullback here. Cash allocation decreasing as fund managers INCREASE exposure to the market too. Lowest cash level since 2021.
- BOE’s Pill says that Rate cut is likely to come under consideration in Summer, after employment data. Gilts are up in UK as a result. V explicit mention of rate cuts to come.
- Said we can cut rates and still have restrictive policy.
- OPEC sees demand for doc crude in 2024 at 43.2M BPD in 2024, and says they will now only forecast demand for doc crude
- OPEC said that despite some downside risks, there is further upside potential for global economic growth in 2024.
2024.05.14 14:01 Zappingsbrew A post talking about 400 words
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mechanism, media, medical, medication, medicine, medium, meet, meeting, member, membership, memory, mental, mention, menu, mere, merely, mess, message, metal, meter, method, Mexican, middle, might, military, milk, million, mind, mine, minister, minor, minority, minute, miracle, mirror, miss, missile, mission, mistake, mix, mixture, mm-hmm, mode, model, moderate, modern, modest, mom, moment, money, monitor, month, mood, moon, moral, more, moreover, morning, mortgage, most, mostly, mother, motion, motivation, motor, mountain, mouse, mouth, move, movement, movie, Mr, Mrs, Ms, much, multiple, murder, muscle, museum, music, musical, musician, Muslim, must, mutual, my, myself, mystery, myth, naked, name, narrative, narrow, nation, national, native, natural, naturally, nature, near, nearby, nearly, necessarily, necessary, neck, need, negative, negotiate, negotiation, neighbor, neighborhood, neither, nerve, nervous, net, network, never, nevertheless, new, newly, news, newspaper, next, nice, night, nine, no, nobody, nod, noise, nomination, nominee, none, nonetheless, nor, normal, normally, north, northern, nose, not, note, nothing, notice, notion, novel, now, nowhere, nuclear, number, numerous, nurse, nut, object, objective, obligation, observation, observe, observer, obtain, obvious, obviously, occasion, occasionally, occupation, occupy, occur, ocean, odd, odds, of, off, offense, offensive, offer, office, officer, official, often, oh, oil, okay, old, Olympic, on, once, one, ongoing, onion, online, only, onto, open, opening, operate, operating, operation, operator, opinion, opponent, opportunity, oppose, opposed, opposite, opposition, option, or, orange, order, ordinary, organic, organization, organize, orientation, origin, original, originally, other, others, otherwise, ought, our, ours, ourselves, out, outcome, outside, oven, over, overall, overcome, overlook, owe, own, owner, pace, pack, package, page, pain, painful, paint, painter, painting, pair, pale, Palestinian, palm, pan, panel, panic, pant, paper, paragraph, parent, park, parking, part, participant, participate, participation, particle, particular, particularly, partly, partner, partnership, party, pass, passage, passenger, passion, past, patch, path, patient, pattern, pause, pay, payment, PC, peace, peak, peer, pen, penalty, people, pepper, per, perceive, percentage, perception, perfect, perfectly, perform, performance, perhaps, period, permanent, permission, permit, person, personal, personality, personally, personnel, perspective, persuade, pet, phase, phenomenon, philosophy, phone, photo, photographer, phrase, physical, physically, physician, piano, pick, picture, pie, piece, pile, pilot, pine, pink, pipe, pitch, place, plan, plane, planet, planning, plant, plastic, plate, platform, play, player, please, pleasure, plenty, plot, plus, PM, pocket, poem, poet, poetry, point, police, policy, political, politically, politician, politics, poll, pollution, pool, poor, pop, popular, population, porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, proud, prove, provide, provider, province, provision, psychological, psychology, public, publication, publicity, publish, publisher, pull, punishment, purchase, pure, purpose, pursue, push, put, qualify, quality, quarter, quarterback, quarterly, queen, quest, question, quick, quickly, quiet, quietly, quit, quite, quote, race, racial, radiation, radical, radio, rail, rain, raise, range, rank, rapid, rapidly, rare, rarely, rate, rather, rating, ratio, raw, reach, react, reaction, reader, reading, ready, real, reality, realize, really, reason, reasonable, recall, receive, recent, recently, reception, recipe, recipient, recognition, recognize, recommend, recommendation, record, recording, recover, recovery, recruit, red, reduce, reduction, refer, reference, reflect, reflection, reform, refugee, refuse, regard, regarding, regardless, regime, region, regional, register, regular, regularly, regulate, regulation, regulator, reinforce, reject, relate, relation, relationship, relative, relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.
submitted by Zappingsbrew to u/Zappingsbrew [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 13:55 ThrowRA_manicbestie My(23f) best friend(27m) found my fiancé (26m) on Grindr. Am I crazy to try and get through this?
It’s exactly as the title says. I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 going on 5 years, our relationship has been amazing up to this point. We were talking about marriage, buying a house, kids….
I’ll try to keep on track. 2 months ago my friend asked me if my fiancé is bi also (I am bi) and I said no. He proceeded to show me a grindr post with my fiancé on it, his picture that I recognize from years ago when we first started dating. I immediately tried to confirm. This is when I found out the important fact that you have to pay to tap on any profile u want for grindr (this will be relevant later) I paid my friend so we could see his profile. My heart sank. I felt sick. And I made an attempt on my Life immediately after but was saved by nearby railway officers. I couldn’t deal with the pain. when I finally did come home (we live together) he was surprised to see me because I was supposed to be at work (I work 2 jobs, 1 full time in the day and a part time at night a few times a week) when I came in, he was in the game. Everything looked so normal, it didn’t look like he was being nefarious or anything and I think that hurt me more. Just knowing he could have been doing this the whole time right next to me and I would never know, it hurt.
I confronted him by giving back my ring. I told him he broke the promise it stood for and to keep it. He tried to put it back on me and asked what’s wrong. I just cried. I thought I would be mad when I saw him, but I saw the years we spent together in his eyes. I asked him if he was hiding anything from me. I told him I wouldn’t be mad if he can admit it. I wanted him to be more hurt but he defended himself saying he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I dropped the bomb that I saw his Grindr account. He said he’s not gay or bi or even questioning and that it must be someone else. I didn’t believe him. I told him I knew about him having the account for a long time. I just needed the truth. This is where I take a brief moment to explain that I’ve seen emails and AppStore notifications about Grindr. Stuff like “even if you delete the app it will not stop your subscription “ and I saw he had texts with a man where he said that he (my fiancé) was trying to come through and fuck him. This was the second year of us dating that I found this. I said I saw the notification about Grindr but nothing about the texts. Back then he said it was spam. We lived together already. I left it alone, there wasn’t any other proof of it and I did not know that you had to pay for it back then(yeah I know that the part about the subscription in the notification should’ve tipped me off but I was going through a lot back then) Back to the present, he refused to admit it. I threatened him and he stayed adamant. I asked him if he would tell me if he was gay and he said ofc. That he wouldn’t tell his very religious parents but would tell at least me. He’s been cheated on by a woman being with a woman. I didn’t think he would do that. So I let it go. For then. Then I found femboy porn in his searches. My friend that found this out is becoming trans. I felt sick knowing that my best friend was a better match for him than me. Our sex life is up and down. It’s amazing when it happens but it doesn’t happen often. I’ve gone 8 months without sex at one time during our relationship. 1 time every month to 2 months is our constant average. I was told by other people that while that isn’t normal for our age group, it happens. Since then, I haven’t worn my ring. I’m not cold to him, I still love him with all my heart. I’m still affectionate, but it hurts to sleep next to him. I hate that I have to second guess him. I want this to work but it feels like I’m beating a dead horse. I have no family. I have very few friends and I am the friend out of all my friend groups that has gotten their shit together the most. We have a place together. His family loves me. I know all his friends. I feel like my life is in shambles… Why bring this up today? Because I got STI tests for both of us shortly after this came out (he agreed hesitantly bc he said if I’m clean he’s clean) and it turns out I have stage 1 kidney failure. I may leave this earth and have no one by my side til the end. I’m scared. I’m not going to get treatment, it’s my decision and I don’t want to be on a ton of meds the rest of my life. Is our relationship salvageable? We’ve had so many great times and he has helped me grow as a person so much. Same for me to him. I love that we bring out the best in eachother. But now what… Sorry if I rambled. I would appreciate any advice
submitted by ThrowRA_manicbestie to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I’ll try to keep on track. 2 months ago my friend asked me if my fiancé is bi also (I am bi) and I said no. He proceeded to show me a grindr post with my fiancé on it, his picture that I recognize from years ago when we first started dating. I immediately tried to confirm. This is when I found out the important fact that you have to pay to tap on any profile u want for grindr (this will be relevant later) I paid my friend so we could see his profile. My heart sank. I felt sick. And I made an attempt on my Life immediately after but was saved by nearby railway officers. I couldn’t deal with the pain. when I finally did come home (we live together) he was surprised to see me because I was supposed to be at work (I work 2 jobs, 1 full time in the day and a part time at night a few times a week) when I came in, he was in the game. Everything looked so normal, it didn’t look like he was being nefarious or anything and I think that hurt me more. Just knowing he could have been doing this the whole time right next to me and I would never know, it hurt.
I confronted him by giving back my ring. I told him he broke the promise it stood for and to keep it. He tried to put it back on me and asked what’s wrong. I just cried. I thought I would be mad when I saw him, but I saw the years we spent together in his eyes. I asked him if he was hiding anything from me. I told him I wouldn’t be mad if he can admit it. I wanted him to be more hurt but he defended himself saying he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I dropped the bomb that I saw his Grindr account. He said he’s not gay or bi or even questioning and that it must be someone else. I didn’t believe him. I told him I knew about him having the account for a long time. I just needed the truth. This is where I take a brief moment to explain that I’ve seen emails and AppStore notifications about Grindr. Stuff like “even if you delete the app it will not stop your subscription “ and I saw he had texts with a man where he said that he (my fiancé) was trying to come through and fuck him. This was the second year of us dating that I found this. I said I saw the notification about Grindr but nothing about the texts. Back then he said it was spam. We lived together already. I left it alone, there wasn’t any other proof of it and I did not know that you had to pay for it back then(yeah I know that the part about the subscription in the notification should’ve tipped me off but I was going through a lot back then) Back to the present, he refused to admit it. I threatened him and he stayed adamant. I asked him if he would tell me if he was gay and he said ofc. That he wouldn’t tell his very religious parents but would tell at least me. He’s been cheated on by a woman being with a woman. I didn’t think he would do that. So I let it go. For then. Then I found femboy porn in his searches. My friend that found this out is becoming trans. I felt sick knowing that my best friend was a better match for him than me. Our sex life is up and down. It’s amazing when it happens but it doesn’t happen often. I’ve gone 8 months without sex at one time during our relationship. 1 time every month to 2 months is our constant average. I was told by other people that while that isn’t normal for our age group, it happens. Since then, I haven’t worn my ring. I’m not cold to him, I still love him with all my heart. I’m still affectionate, but it hurts to sleep next to him. I hate that I have to second guess him. I want this to work but it feels like I’m beating a dead horse. I have no family. I have very few friends and I am the friend out of all my friend groups that has gotten their shit together the most. We have a place together. His family loves me. I know all his friends. I feel like my life is in shambles… Why bring this up today? Because I got STI tests for both of us shortly after this came out (he agreed hesitantly bc he said if I’m clean he’s clean) and it turns out I have stage 1 kidney failure. I may leave this earth and have no one by my side til the end. I’m scared. I’m not going to get treatment, it’s my decision and I don’t want to be on a ton of meds the rest of my life. Is our relationship salvageable? We’ve had so many great times and he has helped me grow as a person so much. Same for me to him. I love that we bring out the best in eachother. But now what… Sorry if I rambled. I would appreciate any advice
2024.05.14 13:50 yosmiteghoul I ate a bunch of donuts and urine smelled sweet. Simply too many donuts or possibly diabetes?
I am F22, 5'6, 183 pounds and exercise daily. I am white. I haven't lost weight on the scale yet, but I've gone from a 36 inch waist to a 30 inch waist. I don't drink, I don't do drugs but I do vape. Ive taken 37.5mg of Effexor for the past 4 days after ceasing Sertraline 75mg after 3 months. Diabetes does run in my family but typically during menopause/older age. My grandfather had type 1 diabetes and he died at 57 years old. My last blood test was in 2022 in the ER due to abdominal pain. Cystic leisons in pelvic area, cystic leisons around bladder extending to my interior abdominal muscle/internal debris found and SI joint arthritis. Other than that, unremarkable. Tip top shape. I had my Mirena IUD taken out April 17th 2024. Today my boyfriend brought donuts home and I had four within the course of a few hours. Eventually I went to the gym, worked out for an hour and came back upstairs. Enjoyed another delicious donut. I don't typically eat sugar because I'm not a fan of sweets and the most sugar I get in a day is from ketchup or grapes. My period was/is two days late so I did what any responsible and paranoid young lady would do and took a test. The test required me to pee into the little cup it provided and use a dropper to transfer the urine into the test. I urinated into the cup and noticed a sweet smell. I smelled myself and my clothes because it honestly smelled exactly like donuts or a gourmand vanilla perfume. No, not me, so I brought the cup up to my nose to get a closer smell. My urine smelled like the donut glaze they use at Tim Hortons, which is exactly where the donuts I enjoyed came from. I finished the test, I am not pregnant, yippe! I have been noticing odd symptoms that easily could be explained by other things going on in my life. Dry mouth, thirsty constantly, urinating constantly, fatigue, blurry vision: SSRI. I stopped taking Sertraline very specifically because a few times a week I would wake up dizzy, shaking, nauseous, diarrhea, blurry vision, laggy vision and rapid heart beat. I'd get up, unlock the door incase I needed to call 911, get my gigantic water bottle, find my way into a hot shower and sit in it until I felt "settled" and then eat a bite of an uncrustable. I would go back to bed and hope I wouldn't die. I'd wake up feeling better but overall lethargic. My doctor said it's not possible Sertraline was the cause of this because he confirmed I didnt have serotonin Syndrome. He seemed frustrated but switched me anyways because he had no explanation otherwise. I noticed about a few months ago my urine smelled like the buttered popcorn and I never thought much about it, since I am not a peeologist.About an hour after my sweet urine dilemma I started to feel like garbage. Perhaps anxiety, perhaps not. All I know, is that it probably wasn't a great idea to smarf down 4 donuts at once and then 1 donut after the gym. I don't typically eat donuts, but I was so hungry and they really hit the spot.
A few questions. Is it possible to have sweet smelling urine without having diabetes? Is it possible that because I don't eat much sugar that I didn't notice until now? Am I just overly anxious about my other symptoms and being paranoid? If I am diabetic do SSRI's & SNRI'S affect your blood glucose or insulin?I have an appointment with my doctor on the 23rd and I will be bringing it up with him. I just don't want to sound crazy or overly paranoid about my health. If this is concerning (which all put together sounds like it is lol), I do live with my boyfriend so he will be around to keep an eye on me. I also acknowledge I am overweight and I am working on it actively by daily exercise, caloric deficit and healthy foods.
2024.05.14 13:37 Comfortable-Fish-107 33M Lab Review - High LP PLA2 and worried
I have some family history of CAD and found out I was a 9p21 homozygote and apoe 3/4. I do regular lab work because I've been on TRT for a few years because my levels were low (300ng/dl) in my mid-late 20s. The cause seemed to be idiopathic secondary. Looked at thyroid/prolactin/cortisol/etc. I feel better than I did with low T.
I've read more about heart health lately and am terrified to be honest. My grandpa had a quadruple bypass at 60 and is alive along with all of my other grandparents today in their 80s. His side had some early deaths though and my aunt with high lp(a) had a heart attack in her 50s and is alive. Mom tested for low lp(a) luckily.
I scheduled a vascular screening that my local hospital does in a few months. They do a few things. I'm not sure if the carotid ultrasound is duplex or CIMT, but am hoping for the latter. I've read the Beat The Heart Attack Gene book and have gotten some of the tests from that as well as Peter.
Blood pressure typically runs 120-125 over 70-75 when I relax for 10 min so that seems like something to lower maybe.
I'm really freaking out over this LP PLA2 result though. My other labs seem solid so I was shocked that it came back high. I have seen that maybe it doesn't have a lot of clinical significance and establishment, but I'm not sure. Does it mean I already have plaque in the arteries?
Should I try to meet with a cardiologist and get on a statin? My LP PLA2 was just pulled so it wasn't on my labs that my primary looked at. He thought everything looked great.
My labs are below:
Total Cholesterol - 169 mg/dL (<200)
Triglycerides - 39 mg/dL (<150)
HDL - 57mg/dL (> 40)
LDL - 101mg/dL
Apob - 77mg/dL (<90)
Lp(a) - <10nmol/L (<75)
LP PLA2 - 156nmol/min/mL (<=123) HIGH
Fibrinogen - 203mg/dL (175-425)
HS CRP - <0.2mg/dL (<1.0)
Homocysteine - 7.9umol/L (<11.4) This had been higher normal as I'm C677T heterozygote. B/Folate supplementation seems to help.
TSH - 2.97mIU/L (.4 - 4.5) I've pulled fT3 and fT4 in the past and they were close to top of the range. TSH always runs a bit higher, no hypo symptoms
Glucose - 89mg/dL (65-99)
SHGB - 10.7nmol/L (10-50)
Total Test - 876ng/dL (250-1100)
Free Test - 253pg/mL (46-224) HIGH
E2 Ultrasensitive - 60pg/mL (< 29) HIGH - I feel better not taking an AI and have read that E2 is cardioprotective
DHEAS - 286mcg/dL (93-415)
Albumin - 5.1g/dL (3.6-5.1)
Protein - 7.5g/dL (6.1-8.1)
Globulin - 2.4 (1.9-3.7)
Bilirubin - 2.3mg/dL (.2-1.2) I believe I have Gilbert's Syndrome. This always runs high especially with longer fasts
Alkaline Phosphatase - 50u/L (36-130)
AST - 19 (10-40)
ALT - 16 (19-46)
GGT - 11 (3-90)
BUN - 15 (7-25)
Creatinine - 1.24 (.6-1.26)
Calcium - 10.1 (8.6-10.3)
Cystatin C - .8mg/dL (.52-1.31) eGFR with this is 117
Sodium - 140 (135-146)
Potassium - 4.5 (3.5-5.3)
Chloride - 103 (98-110)
Carbon Dioxide - 31 (20-32)
Platelet Count - 184 (140-400)
Red Blood Count - 5.52 (4.2-5.8)
Hemoglobin - 16.6 (13.2-17.1)
Hematocrit - 49.8 (38.5-50)
Rest of reds and whites and PSA are in range
submitted by Comfortable-Fish-107 to PeterAttia [link] [comments]
I've read more about heart health lately and am terrified to be honest. My grandpa had a quadruple bypass at 60 and is alive along with all of my other grandparents today in their 80s. His side had some early deaths though and my aunt with high lp(a) had a heart attack in her 50s and is alive. Mom tested for low lp(a) luckily.
I scheduled a vascular screening that my local hospital does in a few months. They do a few things. I'm not sure if the carotid ultrasound is duplex or CIMT, but am hoping for the latter. I've read the Beat The Heart Attack Gene book and have gotten some of the tests from that as well as Peter.
Blood pressure typically runs 120-125 over 70-75 when I relax for 10 min so that seems like something to lower maybe.
I'm really freaking out over this LP PLA2 result though. My other labs seem solid so I was shocked that it came back high. I have seen that maybe it doesn't have a lot of clinical significance and establishment, but I'm not sure. Does it mean I already have plaque in the arteries?
Should I try to meet with a cardiologist and get on a statin? My LP PLA2 was just pulled so it wasn't on my labs that my primary looked at. He thought everything looked great.
My labs are below:
Total Cholesterol - 169 mg/dL (<200)
Triglycerides - 39 mg/dL (<150)
HDL - 57mg/dL (> 40)
LDL - 101mg/dL
Apob - 77mg/dL (<90)
Lp(a) - <10nmol/L (<75)
LP PLA2 - 156nmol/min/mL (<=123) HIGH
Fibrinogen - 203mg/dL (175-425)
HS CRP - <0.2mg/dL (<1.0)
Homocysteine - 7.9umol/L (<11.4) This had been higher normal as I'm C677T heterozygote. B/Folate supplementation seems to help.
TSH - 2.97mIU/L (.4 - 4.5) I've pulled fT3 and fT4 in the past and they were close to top of the range. TSH always runs a bit higher, no hypo symptoms
Glucose - 89mg/dL (65-99)
SHGB - 10.7nmol/L (10-50)
Total Test - 876ng/dL (250-1100)
Free Test - 253pg/mL (46-224) HIGH
E2 Ultrasensitive - 60pg/mL (< 29) HIGH - I feel better not taking an AI and have read that E2 is cardioprotective
DHEAS - 286mcg/dL (93-415)
Albumin - 5.1g/dL (3.6-5.1)
Protein - 7.5g/dL (6.1-8.1)
Globulin - 2.4 (1.9-3.7)
Bilirubin - 2.3mg/dL (.2-1.2) I believe I have Gilbert's Syndrome. This always runs high especially with longer fasts
Alkaline Phosphatase - 50u/L (36-130)
AST - 19 (10-40)
ALT - 16 (19-46)
GGT - 11 (3-90)
BUN - 15 (7-25)
Creatinine - 1.24 (.6-1.26)
Calcium - 10.1 (8.6-10.3)
Cystatin C - .8mg/dL (.52-1.31) eGFR with this is 117
Sodium - 140 (135-146)
Potassium - 4.5 (3.5-5.3)
Chloride - 103 (98-110)
Carbon Dioxide - 31 (20-32)
Platelet Count - 184 (140-400)
Red Blood Count - 5.52 (4.2-5.8)
Hemoglobin - 16.6 (13.2-17.1)
Hematocrit - 49.8 (38.5-50)
Rest of reds and whites and PSA are in range
2024.05.14 13:23 2grateful4You My thoughts on the New 120 fps setting. Let me know your thoughts.
I was pretty excited for the 120 fps update today. Finally tested a bit in the TDM and training modes. Not that excited anymore.
First off 120 fps is only available to people who previously had 90 fps. This is not actually that big of a game changer because there are only 30 extra frames the percentage wise increase might seem huge but the jump for 60 to 90 was more than Secondly the fps atleast on my One plus 12 is more like 110 not 120 because the game keeps dropping frames here and there and this is in TDM.
I previously couldn't tell the difference between 60 and 90 and can't tell between 120 and 90 but definitely can tell between 60 and 120.
The Hip fire accuracy tracing improves marginally could see a 20% increase objectively but it could be more because my sensitivity is different on BGMI. On 90 fps I barely get 10 or 11 % while jiggling on the 20 meter target but at 120 fps I was getting around 13-14%.
I haven't measured the ads accuracy practically but I felt that it improved a lot. I was able to trace targets with the ads more easily would encourage other people to try ads in close range.
This is more of an advantage against 60 or 30 fps players but I still feel it's not a huge advantage.
Huge advantage is something like 60 fps vs 240 fps or 30 fps vs 120 fps. I believe that any skilled 60 fps player will easily beat a 120 fps player. Previously the fire rates and even Hip fire was different on different fps and gave huge advantages which isn't the case anymore.
submitted by 2grateful4You to PUBGMobile [link] [comments]
First off 120 fps is only available to people who previously had 90 fps. This is not actually that big of a game changer because there are only 30 extra frames the percentage wise increase might seem huge but the jump for 60 to 90 was more than Secondly the fps atleast on my One plus 12 is more like 110 not 120 because the game keeps dropping frames here and there and this is in TDM.
I previously couldn't tell the difference between 60 and 90 and can't tell between 120 and 90 but definitely can tell between 60 and 120.
The Hip fire accuracy tracing improves marginally could see a 20% increase objectively but it could be more because my sensitivity is different on BGMI. On 90 fps I barely get 10 or 11 % while jiggling on the 20 meter target but at 120 fps I was getting around 13-14%.
I haven't measured the ads accuracy practically but I felt that it improved a lot. I was able to trace targets with the ads more easily would encourage other people to try ads in close range.
This is more of an advantage against 60 or 30 fps players but I still feel it's not a huge advantage.
Huge advantage is something like 60 fps vs 240 fps or 30 fps vs 120 fps. I believe that any skilled 60 fps player will easily beat a 120 fps player. Previously the fire rates and even Hip fire was different on different fps and gave huge advantages which isn't the case anymore.
2024.05.14 13:16 nishant032 Why don't we collect data about success stories?
Hey there fellow IBS sufferers,
IT engineer here. I was just thinking that we're not collecting data about success stories that could help others.
Since the strategy to handle IBS is trial & error, we could leverage what worked for others to try it out ourselves.
I think if we collect data about specialists, drugs, method, tests from those who beat this evil beast we can use that ourselves to try reduce our symptoms.
What do you think?
submitted by nishant032 to ibs [link] [comments]
IT engineer here. I was just thinking that we're not collecting data about success stories that could help others.
Since the strategy to handle IBS is trial & error, we could leverage what worked for others to try it out ourselves.
I think if we collect data about specialists, drugs, method, tests from those who beat this evil beast we can use that ourselves to try reduce our symptoms.
What do you think?
2024.05.14 12:28 HoshinoMaria Understanding Counter Spark property and how to use them effectively.
This will be sort of a short guide for new players trying to improve themselves. Of course, since the game is still a PS5 exclusive as of the writing of this post, no official datamine has been done, so things I say here might not be entirely correct. What I write here is based on my own experience from playing the game (150 hours for now, beating Midnight and currently at level 100). I encourage other players to contribute their experience.
Counter Spark (will be abbreviated as CS onward) is the game main combat mechanic. As the basic level, it's an attack (well, most CS are attack, there's some special cases where it is a parry stance, e.g. Hayabusa-ryu CS). Unlike other games that focus on parry mechanic (Sekiro, Wolong, etc…), the CS in RotR is quite difficult to master mainly because of 2 reasons: It being an attack makes it very unsafe if you fail, and each style got its own CS with its own property, making the learning process even more difficult. I see many people in the past claim that the timing of CS is inconsistent, or straight out bug, but I presume they have not fully understood how CS work. CS works by clashing its hitbox into the enemy's attack hitbox. For a successful CS to happen, you have to consider the hitbox shape, size, active frame of both your CS and the enemy's attack. Sometimes, you also have to take into account the distance between you and the enemies, as being further would mean the enemy's hitbox would take a few frame longer to reach you.
On the enemy side, specifically their martial art attacks (the red attack), the hitbox would form after the white flash, so in general, don't press your button before seeing that white flash. As for their normal attack, you have no way but to learn their attack pattern and timing. The best way to learn enemy’s attack is to use a style with “easy to execute” CS. A CS easy to use would be CS that has large frontal hitbox (so enemy’s attack will clash into your hitbox easier), and the most important part is that it has long active frame. CS with long active frame usually share 1 common feature: it has 2 slashes instead of 1 slash, some examples: Tatsumi-ryu and Mugai-ryu for Katana, or Niten Ichi-ryu for Paired sword. With how long these CS are, you can press button either on reaction or even a bit early and will still get a successful CS. After you nail down the enemy pattern, you can start changing to a style with harder CS and learn more precise timing. So, just hit the dojo and test out the CS of your weapon of choice.
However, sometimes, you’ll encounter some weird attacks that even using easy CS still won’t net you a successful counter consistently. I hypothesize that these attack have pretty odd (most often extremely vertical hitbox) that hit you at area where your CS does not cover. Fortunately, these attacks are most often on the slower side, so if you have a hard time against those, either take a step back to reposition your CS hitbox, or JUMP and perform an aerial CS. Aerial CS can hit many attacks that normally very annoying to ground CS.
I hope this help. And anyway, please also contribute your own finding if possible.
submitted by HoshinoMaria to riseoftheronin [link] [comments]
Counter Spark (will be abbreviated as CS onward) is the game main combat mechanic. As the basic level, it's an attack (well, most CS are attack, there's some special cases where it is a parry stance, e.g. Hayabusa-ryu CS). Unlike other games that focus on parry mechanic (Sekiro, Wolong, etc…), the CS in RotR is quite difficult to master mainly because of 2 reasons: It being an attack makes it very unsafe if you fail, and each style got its own CS with its own property, making the learning process even more difficult. I see many people in the past claim that the timing of CS is inconsistent, or straight out bug, but I presume they have not fully understood how CS work. CS works by clashing its hitbox into the enemy's attack hitbox. For a successful CS to happen, you have to consider the hitbox shape, size, active frame of both your CS and the enemy's attack. Sometimes, you also have to take into account the distance between you and the enemies, as being further would mean the enemy's hitbox would take a few frame longer to reach you.
On the enemy side, specifically their martial art attacks (the red attack), the hitbox would form after the white flash, so in general, don't press your button before seeing that white flash. As for their normal attack, you have no way but to learn their attack pattern and timing. The best way to learn enemy’s attack is to use a style with “easy to execute” CS. A CS easy to use would be CS that has large frontal hitbox (so enemy’s attack will clash into your hitbox easier), and the most important part is that it has long active frame. CS with long active frame usually share 1 common feature: it has 2 slashes instead of 1 slash, some examples: Tatsumi-ryu and Mugai-ryu for Katana, or Niten Ichi-ryu for Paired sword. With how long these CS are, you can press button either on reaction or even a bit early and will still get a successful CS. After you nail down the enemy pattern, you can start changing to a style with harder CS and learn more precise timing. So, just hit the dojo and test out the CS of your weapon of choice.
However, sometimes, you’ll encounter some weird attacks that even using easy CS still won’t net you a successful counter consistently. I hypothesize that these attack have pretty odd (most often extremely vertical hitbox) that hit you at area where your CS does not cover. Fortunately, these attacks are most often on the slower side, so if you have a hard time against those, either take a step back to reposition your CS hitbox, or JUMP and perform an aerial CS. Aerial CS can hit many attacks that normally very annoying to ground CS.
I hope this help. And anyway, please also contribute your own finding if possible.
2024.05.14 12:15 Aymless2003 Maidenless no more
 | https://preview.redd.it/7l3g12blad0d1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=9b220e3758c0f198241d3ae2ecd5d84b84a1876d submitted by Aymless2003 to Eldenring [link] [comments] Finally beat Elden Ring after 250 immersive hours! This is my first Souls game and easily the best I've played so far. Also huge thanks to FightinCowboy for those amazing guides - they saved me countless hours of frustration (I probably would have spent another 200 hours just to get past Limgrave). And now I believe i have every ground loot, armaments, key items and Sites of Graces. Just unbelievable. This has been an amazing experience and I just wanted to share it here with all the fellow Tarnished. I'm so into this game and so I thought I might do Guts build playthrough once. But I figured that I have to test new waters so time to move on to the next one - thinking Sekiro might be next... ⚔️ |
2024.05.14 11:48 Frog_Shaped Top Surgery Process Journal
The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳
submitted by Frog_Shaped to TopSurgery [link] [comments]
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳
2024.05.14 11:42 Pussybones420 When to go to the hospital for bladder pain?
Hello
25F, 130lbs, 5’10”, no tobacco, MMJ user, hydrocodone and oxyxodone as needed, cyclobenzaprine, protonix
If you read this thank you so much because I’m absolutely desperate and my doctors are tired of me and I think they think I only want pain meds. I don’t, I just want to feel better. I have a huge stash of emergency oxycodone anyway so I barely even need them for that.
On 12/15 I fell down the stairs and hit the lower of my middle back quite hard. 12/19 I had a LEEP done, 01/06 I came down with extreme urinary issues and between then and now have been back 6 times, seen 4 specialists and have seen my PCP at least ten times for urine samples. I’ve also only been able to attend my full time job for 43 days so far this year and have no more money for copays and if it weren’t for my ADA paperwork, I’d have been fired a long time ago
Over the last two weeks, it’s been taking me up to two hours to produce urine while having a full (and very sore - mostly left side) bladder. This is infuriating. When I do end up finally feeling the need to release, I have less than 3 minutes to get to a restroom before my vision starts going spotty from the bladder pressure pain.
My urologist ordered a cystoscopy, but has been blaming my 3mm kidney stone until I begged for an ultrasound last month of my bladder. Found bladder wall thickening and bladder cyst / possible urachal remnant.
I found out what Cuada equina is today. I learned that it is very very commonly missed. I can barely walk, and at the music festival I went to over the weekend I had to use ADA for just about everything. I look completely normal so I got judged pretty hard, but I do have paperwork. I have been losing weight without much diet change and my back has been killing me as well. I feel so weak. My urine flow is so small compared to what it used to be. I had a period of time where the pain was so bad, I couldn’t feel my clitoris or labia at all so sex was pointless as well, and I thought I’d lose my relationship and be alone forever. They send me to an OB-Oncologist who said not to come back, which is why my urologist finally agreed to check my bladder.
Is it possible that all my issues are related to the cyst and thickening, or could this be cuada equina that was missed on multiple CT’s? I can’t find info on bladder cysts. using retention. When is the appropriate time to go to the hospital? I can barely walk without pain meds. I urinated about 40 times on Saturday, with my usual being 10-20 times, and some days there’s very little pain or urgency at all, but the retention is almost always there to some extent.
It almost feels like the part of my brain that controls my bladder doesn’t work anymore because no matter how hard I tell my bladder to release, it just doesn’t happen sometimes and I can’t get comfortable after that. I’ve slept a total of 4 hours since Saturday morning and I only have one hydrocodone left. Pyridium does NOTHING except for when burning pain presents, and I can’t take NSAIDS until my GI clears me due to extreme gas, constipation and bloating / belching thought to be caused by peptic ulcers. I can’t walk at this point without pain meds, but the ER always releases me with the same DX of cyst and bladder wall thickening and tells me they have no clue what that means. But I’m in so much pain I feel like there has to be something they can do other than give me fluids and monitor me for an hour or two until I can get to my cystoscopy next week.
If you have any advice for me I really appreciate it. I don’t want to die but I feel the only way out of lifelong urinary pain after 6 months now is suicide. The only time suicide doesn’t cross my mind a couple times is when I do end up having to take a pain pill. In March, I had to take oxy every day. I only take them now when I can’t walk because the effects are too strong for me to keep my life in order while taking them every day. But this weekend I have had the most trouble walking, and using the restroom, since all of these issues began.
I can’t afford any more specialists visits after my procedure, so I really wish the ER could do something for me as they’re the only ones who won’t turn me away for not having money at this point. My GI doc actually canceled my appointment because I don’t have $20 and I’ve been putting off another ultrasound because it’s $200 up front. IDK what to do but I’m pretty sure this is how a lot of people end up on fent and heroin - if I had been denied pain meds this far I would have turned to the streets, and that’s coming from someone who has chosen - on their own - to quit most drug related and extracurricular activities to better their life at a young age and is much happier for it.
I can’t even get the ER to catheterize me when I can’t urinate for 6+ hours at a time. What gives? Why won’t they run a different imaging test? They wouldn’t even give me a breath test for h pylori recently and now I’m waiting a month for an appointment I can’t even afford.
TL;DR extreme bladder pain, nobody understands why, extreme difficulty urinating, ER can’t do anything for me and awaiting surgery. Is there anything I can say or do to get proper medical attention or can the ER really not touch your bladder like they say? Is there a way I can convince them to admit me so I could see a urologist before my procedure? My urologist is unavailable until my follow-up and I don’t think the company they work for allows them to Rx narcotics and I’m against taking more than 1 oxycodone a week at this point but so far have been unsuccessful in getting something weaker like hydro or tramadol.
submitted by Pussybones420 to AskDocs [link] [comments]
25F, 130lbs, 5’10”, no tobacco, MMJ user, hydrocodone and oxyxodone as needed, cyclobenzaprine, protonix
If you read this thank you so much because I’m absolutely desperate and my doctors are tired of me and I think they think I only want pain meds. I don’t, I just want to feel better. I have a huge stash of emergency oxycodone anyway so I barely even need them for that.
On 12/15 I fell down the stairs and hit the lower of my middle back quite hard. 12/19 I had a LEEP done, 01/06 I came down with extreme urinary issues and between then and now have been back 6 times, seen 4 specialists and have seen my PCP at least ten times for urine samples. I’ve also only been able to attend my full time job for 43 days so far this year and have no more money for copays and if it weren’t for my ADA paperwork, I’d have been fired a long time ago
Over the last two weeks, it’s been taking me up to two hours to produce urine while having a full (and very sore - mostly left side) bladder. This is infuriating. When I do end up finally feeling the need to release, I have less than 3 minutes to get to a restroom before my vision starts going spotty from the bladder pressure pain.
My urologist ordered a cystoscopy, but has been blaming my 3mm kidney stone until I begged for an ultrasound last month of my bladder. Found bladder wall thickening and bladder cyst / possible urachal remnant.
I found out what Cuada equina is today. I learned that it is very very commonly missed. I can barely walk, and at the music festival I went to over the weekend I had to use ADA for just about everything. I look completely normal so I got judged pretty hard, but I do have paperwork. I have been losing weight without much diet change and my back has been killing me as well. I feel so weak. My urine flow is so small compared to what it used to be. I had a period of time where the pain was so bad, I couldn’t feel my clitoris or labia at all so sex was pointless as well, and I thought I’d lose my relationship and be alone forever. They send me to an OB-Oncologist who said not to come back, which is why my urologist finally agreed to check my bladder.
Is it possible that all my issues are related to the cyst and thickening, or could this be cuada equina that was missed on multiple CT’s? I can’t find info on bladder cysts. using retention. When is the appropriate time to go to the hospital? I can barely walk without pain meds. I urinated about 40 times on Saturday, with my usual being 10-20 times, and some days there’s very little pain or urgency at all, but the retention is almost always there to some extent.
It almost feels like the part of my brain that controls my bladder doesn’t work anymore because no matter how hard I tell my bladder to release, it just doesn’t happen sometimes and I can’t get comfortable after that. I’ve slept a total of 4 hours since Saturday morning and I only have one hydrocodone left. Pyridium does NOTHING except for when burning pain presents, and I can’t take NSAIDS until my GI clears me due to extreme gas, constipation and bloating / belching thought to be caused by peptic ulcers. I can’t walk at this point without pain meds, but the ER always releases me with the same DX of cyst and bladder wall thickening and tells me they have no clue what that means. But I’m in so much pain I feel like there has to be something they can do other than give me fluids and monitor me for an hour or two until I can get to my cystoscopy next week.
If you have any advice for me I really appreciate it. I don’t want to die but I feel the only way out of lifelong urinary pain after 6 months now is suicide. The only time suicide doesn’t cross my mind a couple times is when I do end up having to take a pain pill. In March, I had to take oxy every day. I only take them now when I can’t walk because the effects are too strong for me to keep my life in order while taking them every day. But this weekend I have had the most trouble walking, and using the restroom, since all of these issues began.
I can’t afford any more specialists visits after my procedure, so I really wish the ER could do something for me as they’re the only ones who won’t turn me away for not having money at this point. My GI doc actually canceled my appointment because I don’t have $20 and I’ve been putting off another ultrasound because it’s $200 up front. IDK what to do but I’m pretty sure this is how a lot of people end up on fent and heroin - if I had been denied pain meds this far I would have turned to the streets, and that’s coming from someone who has chosen - on their own - to quit most drug related and extracurricular activities to better their life at a young age and is much happier for it.
I can’t even get the ER to catheterize me when I can’t urinate for 6+ hours at a time. What gives? Why won’t they run a different imaging test? They wouldn’t even give me a breath test for h pylori recently and now I’m waiting a month for an appointment I can’t even afford.
TL;DR extreme bladder pain, nobody understands why, extreme difficulty urinating, ER can’t do anything for me and awaiting surgery. Is there anything I can say or do to get proper medical attention or can the ER really not touch your bladder like they say? Is there a way I can convince them to admit me so I could see a urologist before my procedure? My urologist is unavailable until my follow-up and I don’t think the company they work for allows them to Rx narcotics and I’m against taking more than 1 oxycodone a week at this point but so far have been unsuccessful in getting something weaker like hydro or tramadol.
2024.05.14 09:51 UltraUsurper An overview of Gukesh's performance and progress
 | I'm writing his name in western naming convention because unlike some other Indian names, particularly Tamil names like Viswanathan Anand where Anand is his given name and Viswanathan is his father's name, Gukesh is Telugu and has a regular surname/family name and given name. I've lived in the Telugu-speaking state of Telangana, where they write names in the western format of given name first. submitted by UltraUsurper to chess [link] [comments] Gukesh Dommaraju is a name that first caught my ear back in 2021, almost three years ago, when he played in the Goldmoney Asian Rapid, one of the events of the online chess tour. I used to follow GothamChess's awesome recap videos during the pandemic, and I remember Levy briefly talking about Gukesh, who was only 15 at the time. Then I forgot about him for a while, until some time in mid 2022, when Gukesh became one of the youngest players ever to cross 2700 rating during the Biel Chess Festival. A month later, he shook up the world with his unforgettable performance in the Olympiad on board 1, going 8/8 and winning the gold medal. Ever since, the chess world has had an eye on Gukesh, as we were all eager to see how far this young prodigy would go. And I believe that he has managed to exceed everyone's expectations so far. I wanted to take a look at Gukesh's progress in the past year and a half. After his rise in 2022, he earned himself an invite to Tata Steel in 2023, which would be his debut in top level events and his first big test against the world's elite. Although he didn't fare too well, scoring only 1.5 points in the first seven games, he recovered well and won two games to score 4 points in the next 6 games. https://preview.redd.it/1pjykyux8c0d1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=e1ac8979914671577b29ffdfeeaebd88c6850bad In the very next month, he played in the WR Masters tournament and did super well, tying for first with 5.5/9 but losing to Aronian in tiebreaks. After that, he then had a hot streak of months where he was playing in every tournament under the sun. This includes =2nd in Sharjah, 3rd in Norway Chess, and reaching the quarterfinals of the World Cup. With these results, he broke into the top for the first time, dethroned Anand from India's no. 1 spot, and also rose towards the top of the FIDE Circuit leaderboards. Towards the end of the year, when the Candidates race became really intense, he underperformed with poor results in Qatar and the Grand Swiss, but after a disappointing showing in London, he finally clutched up and won in Chennai to top the Circuit. I imagine he felt very relieved after the pressure of qualifying to the Candidates was finally over. In his second appearance in Tata Steel, he gave a smashing performance, winning 6 games, scoring 8.5/13 and tying for first. Unfortunately, he again came short on tiebreaks, finishing 2nd after beating Anish but losing to Wei Yi (why is Gukesh so often involved in big ties for first?). Towards the end of last year, his rating had dropped from 2758 to 2720, but after Tata Steel he was back up to 2743 and he was ready for the Candidates, his biggest test yet. Despite all of Gukesh's successes, he was considered an underdog in the Candidates. At 17, he was the youngest player in tournament, and actually one of the youngest Candidates ever (I believe only Fischer at 16 in Curacao 1962 was younger). With players like Fabi, Hikaru and Nepo, who were playing in their 5th, 3rd and 3rd Candidates respectively, and who were all returning from the last Candidates, the trio was considered the clear favourites to win the event. And to an extent, this presumption was not entirely wrong, as all three of them scored 8.5/14, a score that was enough to win the Candidates in 2014, 2016 and 2021, and would've also been enough in 2018 and 2022. But it wasn't enough this time. Gukesh, the unpredictable wild card factor of the event, outshone them all. Losing only one game in the entire tournament, he won 5 games, was never worse in any of his games, and he scored 9/14. A rise to the top like Gukesh's comes about very rarely in history. I can only compare it to legends of the game like Fischer, Carlsen or Morphy. When he was just 11, a young boy dared to dream. And the rest, is history. "My name is D Gukesh. I want to become the world champion." [c. 2019] I want to become the WORLD CHAMPION - D. Gukesh Tribute |
2024.05.14 09:32 Logical_Search3124 Was I just sexually assaulted?
Background: I have been married for > 10 years. We have two girls. We are generally happy, although there were ups and downs. It is recently rocky coz our communication broke down and there was a lot of pressure from all the layoffs news. The other guy is also married. He is much older. He has a rebellious teen daughter that won't talk to Mom right now. Wife is under a lot of stress. We have known the family for over a decade. We didn't hang out that much in the past. But my husband and he recently became closer friends when they were building some projects together.
I started feeling uneasy around him about a year ago, when he came over to my house more frequently. I did not take notes as for what really made me want to avoid him. I would just describe it as "unwanted attention". It is the way he acts around me. Some red flags were complementing how sexy I am in a dress and why my husband deserves me. (I know, it is not fully over the line but I felt like he is testing my boundary.) Another thing he repeatedly tells me is how his wife likes beating him up. "Hey, OP, can you tell my wife to stop beating me up"? I even asked my husband if this is a domestic violent case or he is just fooling around. My husband said "they are fine". I do not see bruises either so I never respond. Some others include inviting me and my husband to massages together with him and his wife. (this invitation happened behind my husband's back. I just turned my head and did not respond). Like I said, no sexting but I felt like he is testing my boundary. I tried my best to avoid him as much as possible. About a week ago or two I found myself googling "how to stop unwanted attention from a married man". But I still try not to assume malicious intentions. Maybe his family life stressed him out and he felt a little easier here.
Yesterday, on Mother's day. He really broke my boundary. I was sitting on my couch watching TV when my husband and he came in. He picked up my feet and started massaging them. Not in a sexual way but still! I froze. I could not say anything. My husband did not say anything either. (I later asked him, he said I thought it was weird but their family is into giving massages.) . In a minute, I took my feet away and said "that's OK. do you guys want my help on your project." Then when we were talking about the project, he was winking at me, lifting up his eyebrows etc... as if he was declaring his victory.
Was that a sexual move? I think he repeatedly tested my boundary and finally escalated it, in front my husband! Or it is acceptable in some culture? Dude is white but the wife is from a southeast country. I am so torn and conflicted. I want to file a police report for this and restraining order. Is that legit?
submitted by Logical_Search3124 to AskWomenOver40 [link] [comments]
I started feeling uneasy around him about a year ago, when he came over to my house more frequently. I did not take notes as for what really made me want to avoid him. I would just describe it as "unwanted attention". It is the way he acts around me. Some red flags were complementing how sexy I am in a dress and why my husband deserves me. (I know, it is not fully over the line but I felt like he is testing my boundary.) Another thing he repeatedly tells me is how his wife likes beating him up. "Hey, OP, can you tell my wife to stop beating me up"? I even asked my husband if this is a domestic violent case or he is just fooling around. My husband said "they are fine". I do not see bruises either so I never respond. Some others include inviting me and my husband to massages together with him and his wife. (this invitation happened behind my husband's back. I just turned my head and did not respond). Like I said, no sexting but I felt like he is testing my boundary. I tried my best to avoid him as much as possible. About a week ago or two I found myself googling "how to stop unwanted attention from a married man". But I still try not to assume malicious intentions. Maybe his family life stressed him out and he felt a little easier here.
Yesterday, on Mother's day. He really broke my boundary. I was sitting on my couch watching TV when my husband and he came in. He picked up my feet and started massaging them. Not in a sexual way but still! I froze. I could not say anything. My husband did not say anything either. (I later asked him, he said I thought it was weird but their family is into giving massages.) . In a minute, I took my feet away and said "that's OK. do you guys want my help on your project." Then when we were talking about the project, he was winking at me, lifting up his eyebrows etc... as if he was declaring his victory.
Was that a sexual move? I think he repeatedly tested my boundary and finally escalated it, in front my husband! Or it is acceptable in some culture? Dude is white but the wife is from a southeast country. I am so torn and conflicted. I want to file a police report for this and restraining order. Is that legit?