Hello Asol Mains, I've been a bit of a lurker for a minute. Recently, I picked up Asol and have been grinding to improve. He's 27 games in ranked now, so he's still a baby in the grand scheme of things.
I made a video with my thoughts on my wins and where I have made mistakes/missed opportunities.
I would appreciate feedback on my gameplay and where I could improve!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B06C6Ia9ww
PS: Some examples maybe you need some more context - let me know and I'll see what I can scrounge up :D , also sorry shit quality XD
​

For some context: - i am 20f and live with my mother - my gf (19f) and i have been together for 3 years - 2022 dec - 2023 jan i had lots of family visiting which made it hard to see my gf as regularly as i wanted to (once a week, maybe less) - 2023 march my mother and i went on a last minute trip to america as we thought my grandfather was going to pass. it was initially 2 weeks, but we extended 2 more weeks while we were there as he needed extra support - the 22/23 issue and this extension caused a great deal of stress and frustration on my gf - i went to japan for a week with my mum in november 2023 for her birthday. this also caused some frustration and anxiety for my gf, but much less than previous trips
There is still more layers to all of that, but am happy to clarify in replies.
I am going to america again this december for 3 weeks for christmas. This time around there is no problem, my mum and i are going to spend christmas with family and have a vacation. due to prior events, i have found it difficult to talk to my gf about this upcoming trip as i know it will cause lots of frustration and make her upset.
She gets anxious and upset, as we are apart for a long time. And she also feels anxiety that i may extend my trip again similar to the 2023 extension.
I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want the relationship to end, but i find it so difficult and frustrating to deal with. I sometimes dont really understand her frustration and sometimes it is quite unjustified. For example, while I was in Japan and we would call, we would have arguments and she would not really be happy speaking to me.
I understand that its hard when your s/o is far away and for a long period of time, but i am finding it harder and harder to help this. The obvious answer is to not go on trips, but i WANT to go. I want to see my family and I want to not spend another lonely christmas with just me and my mother, when i could spend it with my grandparents who dont have much time left.
Please help me understand.

Yesterday, I placed an online order for 90 feet of 6 gauge SIMpull THHN electrical wire. About 45 minutes after I placed the order, someone from the store called asking when I was planning on picking it up because they didn't have anyone in the store available to cut it.
Although it's not exactly rocket science to cut copper wire, I told the guy my wife could pick it up on Wednesday.
He then proceeds to tell me that they need to know exactly when I'll be picking up the wire as it must be within an hour after they cut it because the wire starts degrading after that time. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard from an unknowledgeable employee at a big box store.
I asked him how exactly copper wire degrades after being cut, after all it lasts for decades powering house, but he said he didn't know, that's just what the manager told him.
So I told him to cancel the order and I went down the street and bought it at Home Depot.
Truly incompetence on a whole other level. I can't believe store management would tell an employee to message such ridiculousness to a customer.

So there's this really specific scenario where when I start up a game to load, it takes drastically WAY LONGER and even results in a few crashes sometimes when I have medal open, this ONLY happens when I have medal open, even if I have my browser and discord fully closed and other such things. When all I do is close Medal, everything runs smoothly and fast, for example, when I start up Valorant it takes ages to load the game and load getting into the game but not when I have medal closed, same goes for Baldur's Gate 3, when I have medal open I run into such slow loading that it crashes my game and it stops responding for a few minutes as it tries loading everything, but when Medal is closed it runs SUPER smoothly.
I feel like this is VERY odd for Medal to do and I was hoping for some help? Maybe there's a setting I can adjust?

So like everyone here I watched the yesterday's presentation, new lightweight "GPT-4 level" model that's free (rate limited but still), wow great, both the voice clarity and lack of delay is amazing, great work, can't wait for GPT-5! But then I saw (as always) excellent breakdown by AI explained, started reading comments and posts here and on Twitter, their website announcement and now I am left wondering why they rushed through presentation so quickly.
Yes, the voice and how it interacts is definitely the "money shot" of the model, but boy does it do so much more! OpenAI states that this is their first true multi-modal model that does everything through single same neural network, idk if that's actually true or bit of a PR embellishment (hopefully we get an in depth technical report), but GPT-4o is more capable across all domains than anything else on the market. During the presentation they barely bothered to mention it and even on their website they don't go much in depth for some bizarre reason.
Just the handful of things I noticed:

• It's dramatically better at generating text on an image than dalle-3. As everyone who has tried it, dalle-3 is better than anything before it, but the model falls apart after at most 5 words. This is a massive improvement, but not only that but it also is able to iterate on the image. There are still mistakes (eisé instead of else, keyboard letters are not correct) but boy it's such a big jump. And I am willing to it's not just text but images also will have dramatically less errors in them
• You are able to generate standalone objects and then give it to interact with, what's strange to me is that they hid the fact it's a new conversation under a hover icon! You know what that means, you can give it any image and ask it to manipulate with! And the model does a fantastic job of matching the style of the thing given.
• It's able to generate images to create 3D reconstruction
• It's able to generate images with modifications, if you look closely it's you'll notice it's not the same coaster, it's not doing inpainting or anything, it's generating it from scratch but the fact it's able to make it look like the original shows so much potential.
• It's able to summarize 45 minute video with lots of details (I am very curious if this if this will be possible on chatGPT website or only through API and if so how much would 45 minutes cost and how quickly would it able to do it)
• The model is as good or better than SOTA models

And of course other things that are on the website. As I already mentioned it's so strange to me they didn't spend even a minute (even on the website) on image generating capabilities besides interacting with text and manipulating things, give us at least one ordinary image! Also I am pretty positive the model can sing too, but will it be able to generate one or do you have to gaslight ChatGPT into thinking it's an opera singer? So many little things they showed that hint at massive capabilities but they just didn't spend time talking about it.
The voice model, and interaction with you was clearly inspired by movie Her (as also hinter by Altman) , but I feel they were so in love with the movie they used the movie's version of presentation of technology that they kinda ended up downplaying some of the aspects of the model. If you are unfamiliar, while the movie is sci-fi, tech is very much in the background, both visually and metaphorically. They did the same here with sitting down and letting the model wow us instead showing all the raw numbers and all the technical details like we are used to from traditional presentations that Google or Apple do. Google would have definitely milked at least 2 hour presentation out of this. God, I can't wait for GPT-5.

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This was a legend concept I had made a while back and I feel like now after working on it a bit, it is ready for some feedback. It was based around the Idea of titans being in Apex. Of course a titan would never come into the game as they are too big, but what if you had a Mini-Titan? This lead to me creating Titan, originally a vanguard class titan created by the Fronter Militia, who in the Morden day of Titanfall universe, has had his AI transferred into a heavily modified simulacrum body. Practically becoming a human sized Titan, and now he finds himself in the Apex Games.
NEW LEGEND: TITAN
THE MICRO-TITAN
Real Name: Delta-Kilo-Eight-Five-Seven-Three
Alias: Titan (Also uncommonly referred to as: DK-8573 or just DK)
Age: his AI is in total 21 years and 5 mouths (His current body is only 9 months old however)
Home World: Harmony
Class: Assault
Passive Ability: Micro-Directional Shield Generator
Tactical Ability: Moded Laser Shot
Ultimate Ability: Upgrade Core
Level 2 Upgrades: Dash Shield Generator or Tactical +
Level 3 Upgrades: Energy Detector or Assault Core

~Passive – Directional Shield Generator~
After you land from a Skydive or from a long fall, automatically create a small temporary curved shield in the direction you were facing when you landed.
~Passive Notes:~
- The Shield only has 50 HP and only lasts 8 seconds, after which is deactivated.
- Only enemy players can damage it; however, you can press (H or Down on the D-pad) to immediately deactivate it.
- The Shield is just big enough to cover your full hit box and is very slightly curved, think of it being a VERY small and weaker Newcastle Tactile that can’t move.
- Once it’s destroyed or deactivated by any means, it goes on a 5 second cool down before you can spawn a new one. Also, you can only have 1 up at a time.
- CHARACTER ABILITY INTERACTIONS: Maggie’s tactical can attach to it. It is instantly destroyed by EMP.
~Tactical – Moded Laser Cannon~
Shot a precise laser projectile, from your shoulder mounted laser cannon, that can pierce through any surface. Enemies hit by the laser cannot use Shield Regen items for 10 seconds and will have any current one they are using cancelled.
~Tactical Notes:~
- Has a cooldown of 30 seconds and the cooldown starts when the laser is fired. It can be used while performing other actions like Ziplining and using Regen items.
- Holding Tactical button (Q or L1) down will prime your shoulder mounted cannon (Now being referred to as S.M.C.) and letting go of it will fire the S.M.C. (Just like ballistics tactical).
- It deals 20 damage and can head shot to deal 30. It can travel a set distance of 50 meters, and will travel through any surface (Including shields, and barriers of any kind), only stopping once it has travelled 50 meters or hit a player. A player hit by the laser can’t use shield regen items (Meaning Shield Cells, Batteries, and/or Phoenix kits) for 10 second and if they were using one when hit, it will be immediately cancelled.
- CHARACTER ABILITY INTERACTIONS: Things like Newcastle’s, Gibraltar’s, Ramparts, Caustic, Wattson, and legends like them that have tactically and/or Ultimates that can block projectiles, will not block the Laser Shot. Legend abilities that regen shields in any way, Like Wattson and catalyst, will still work as normal even if they are hit by the laser.
~Ultimate – Upgrade Core~
Temporarily gain enough EVO points to upgrade your Shield Core by 1 stage. Gain access to all your legend upgrades for your current and any previous shield core level. Also refresh your tactical ability and restore half of your Shield HP.
~Passive Notes:~
- Has a charge time of 3 minutes and a duration of 30 seconds, downing players will extent the duration of the Ultimate by 5 seconds (Maximum 15).
- Once you used your ultimate you will temporarily gain a free amount EVO point equal to the amount you currently need to Level up your Evo Shield. But once the Ultimate duration ends, you will lose EVO points equal to the amount you gain (Meaning your EVO Armor can devolve). However, you will keep any EVO points you gained additionally during the Ultimate from dealing damage, opening Assault loot bin, and the like. So, for example, if you used your ultimate and need 450 EVO points to level up your shield from 1 to 2, you would gain 450, Levelling up from level 1 to level 2. Then during your ultimate let’s say you gain 250 EVO points. At the end of your ultimate, you shields would revert to level 1, then immediately gain the EVO points gained during your Ult, meaning you would now only need 200 EVO to level up to level 2.
- During your ultimate, if you have Level 2 Evo Shields, you will gain BOTH of your first legend upgrades. If you have Level 3 or higher, you will gain all your Legend upgrades for the duration of the ultimate.

~Level 2 Upgrades – Dash Shield Generator OR Tactical + Kit:~
~Dash Shield Generator~
While you are sliding, create a small shield that is attached to you facing the direction you are sliding.
~Notes:~
Is the same size as Newcastle Revive Arm Shield, however it only has 25 HP. Only enemies can damage it, however you can click (H or down on the D-Pad, while you are sliding) to activate and/or deactivate it, this is on a 2 second cooldown. If it’s damage and is deactivated and/or you’re not sliding for more than 3 seconds, it will slowly start to regen HP until it’s fully restored, or you slide again. If it is destroyed it will not start regening for 10 seconds.
~Tactical +~
Reduce your tactiles cooldown by 5 seconds and increase the size of its projectile. Also, during your ultimate, reduce the cooldown by an additional 5 seconds.
~Notes:~
Is exactly what it says.

~Level 3 Upgrades – Energy Detector OR Assault Core:~
~Energy Detector~
Highlight enemies that are using Shield Regen items within 20 meters of your through walls. During your ultimate increase this range to 40 meters.
~Notes:~
The highlight is like mad Maggie’s passive in how it looks, except it is blue. You will see anyone using Shield Cell/Batteries and Phoenix Kits.
~Assault Core~
Gain a faster reload of your weapons. Also, during you ultimate, also gain better weapon handling and movement speed while holding a weapon.
~Notes:~
This would be on par with Ballistics ultimate in how much it increases each stat.
Thanks to anyone who spent there time reading this and gave feedback <3

Hi, 46F, no meds, normal weight, no smoking/drugs/alcohol. I live in Spain. Used to be a gym owner and avid exerciser. Now unable to work or exercise except for 20-30 min horizontal bike (i lay on the floor and put my feet on a stationary bike pedals) and horizontal strength training (10-15 minutes).
History of orthostatic intolerance, presyncope daily for 3 years and a few syncope episodes (standing in line, sitting for 3 hours, after IV fluids that were too cold, during a pulmonary test with valsalva, during the catecholamine 10 min standing test, doing light exercise standing).
Today I had a TTT. BP stayed normal (126/82 supine and 130/90 standing), heartrate went from 70 to 112. They gave me nitroglycerin after 20 min and after 3 minutes I fainted. The report says ”atypical syncopal response after 30% drop in heartrate without bradycardia, asistoli nor hypotension”. It says my pulse went to 130 with the nitro and then i fainted before it had dropped to 90, BP maintained at 110/60 minimum and there were supraventricular extrasistolis. Once they lowered the table, i regained consciousness in seconds, maintained BP and heartrate didn’t go lower than 55.
The dr who did the tests didn’t know why i faint/almost faint based on the TTT. I have a cardio appointment in september. In the mean time, i’m here to see what you all think could be the cause and other tests that might need to be done.
BP halter showed postprandial hypotension (90/60) at lunch and hypotension (90/60) once at night. The rest of the BP measurements were normal.
EKGs are all normal.
MRI showed 8 ”white lesions” and the report said possible chronic ischemia but neuro said it was nothing.
All blood work normal except: -high venous sO2 95-100% -low venous sCO2 22% -High lactate (30) -Once high ammonia (75), next time normal -high b12 without supplements (1200) -High folate without supplements (no number it just says high). -ferritine saturation index was 20%
I have a halter EKG and a stress test coming up.
Any advice welcomed! Thank you! 🙏🏻💜

Hi askdocs
I've (36M) been dealing with high blood pressure (150/85+) this year and have made a ton of progress through exercise, diet, and quitting drinking/smoking. Lately, I've switched to having low (below 80/60) blood pressure. It's been low enough that I've almost blacked out from standing up and during weightlifting.
I talked to my doctor already and he's having me lower my Losartan dosage from 100mg daily to 50mg and stopping my hydrochlorothiazide 12.5mg entirely to start, with instructions to continue lowering the dosage until my systolic is back around 120. We currently think I'll be able to stop the medication entirely.
I've also added protein shakes (muscle milk) to my diet to ensure that I'm not malnourished, since my other medications (listed below) suppress my diet significantly.
My question is: at what point should I go back to weightlifting? It's been 3 days on the lower dose and I'm measuring 100/70 before medication and between 90/60 and 100/70 after medication. I'm still getting dizzy when standing up, though not as bad. I was planning on waiting until either I was done adjusting my dosage, or above 110 systolic, but that may be me making excuses for myself.
Medications:

• Venlafaxine 75mg
• Atomoxetine 40mg
• bupropion 150mg
• Aripiprazole 10mg (1/2 a 20mg tab)
• Losartan 50mg
• Gabapentin 300mg (as needed at bedtime for nerve pain)
• Atorvastatin Calcium 20mg
• Trazodone (temporary sleep aid)
• Nicotine gum 2mg/3 hours (as needed for cravings)
• Vitamin D3 5000 IU
• Ibuprofen and acetaminophen as needed for pain

Lifestyle:
Diet is almond milk yogurt w/ granola, and a protein shake for breakfast, raw vegetables for lunch, coldcut sandwich for dinner, fresh fruit, nuts and dried fruit for snacks, 2-3L of water and unsweetened tea for fluids (I've been over hydrated per lab results). 30-60 minutes of exercise on weekdays.
Background:
My weight is currently 215lbs (97.5kg) at 5'11 (180cm). I've been a 1/2 pack/day smoker for 16 years and an alcoholic for 14 years. No indication of liver or kidney damage, and my chest x-ray was clean. I'm currently 3-months sober and have quit smoking, but I'm still using nicotine gum and pouches. I have significant back, ankle/foot, and joint pain from military service and am diagnosed with GAD, MDD, and ADHD (hence the laundry list of medications). My cholesterol was above 300 as of 4 months ago, but is down to 107 as of a week ago. Sleep is a disturbed 5 hours/night.
I've been back in the gym for 3 months, lifting and walking. Outside of exercise, I'm pretty sedentary.

I just want to share some appreciation for the fellow dads out there.
This weekend my daughter (5) had a violin recital on Friday and a dance recital on Saturday. (A lot for a five year old, I know). I am typically the parent who takes my daughter to lessons and practices at home with her. My daughter's teacher asked me to play guitar accompaniment on one of the songs, and I did, and there was another dad playing the simple violin parts so the kids had someone to follow, and the piano accompaniment was a young guy (no kids, but volunteering his time for kids). The next day at the dance recital, which was through Parks and Rec and was huge, I saw lots of dads volunteering to kid-wrangle, snack distribute, and do the behind-the-scenes tech. Then the next day at church, a dad of older kids was volunteering in the nursery, and he spent two hours drawing animals and stacking blocks with my three-year-old and other toddlers.
I know we're not perfect (I'm definitely not a perfect dad) and I'm not trying to erase the many moms who usually take most of the burden of driving all this invisible kid infrastructure, but everywhere I look these days (and everywhere my kids look) I see engaged and present dads. Playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in front of a bunch of strangers. Opening applesauce containers for eight kids at once. Drawing zebras and pandas ad nauseum. Getting kids out of the house so moms can take long naps on Mothers Day. This weekend, I saw all these dads (and non-dad dudes) that just seemed so present, fun, attentive, patient, and happy to be with kids. And my kids saw that, too, and it's normal for them.
Obviously being a giving and engaged partner and father should be the expectation, but not all of us had examples of that growing up, so kudos to the dads finding their way and doing their best. We're shifting the norm.

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⇩ ⇩ ⇩
https://panelfox.io/s/FieldGoals-1889

I just wanna begin by saying that this sub really helped me to understand certain things and feel like I’m not alone and what I’m going through is important and valid. I’ve been reading many posts here, made two of my own and got to talk with wonderful people. As someone who has a hard time sharing things that bother me (no matter how much) I find it easier to share here and just get some things off of my chest. Up until recently I haven’t thought about certain things that had happened to me and since I began analyzing memories are flooding my mind. I’ve never realized just how much I’ve been keeping inside. How much was easier to forget. How much all of this had impacted my life. So, now I’m working on unwinding this mess that had been in my head for years and trying to live a healthier life and actually take care of my mental health. I’ve found my diary (yes, I had one when I was 10, I thought I was like the main character in some movie secretly writing about my day with a flashlight) and the things I read about sometimes made my skin crawl. It’s not something absolutely horrific but it explained some things to me. Recently I’ve made a post about feeling like a kid and not being able to grow up and how my mother contributed to that by controlling pretty much every aspect of my life and some things she did I now realize were creepy (like the bathroom thing, controlling my dating life and asking if mast*rbate and how). Now I realize that my sense of boundaries, what is acceptable and unacceptable, my personal bubble is completely skewed. I’ve mentioned in that post that I allow people to touch me when I’m uncomfortable and what I mean by “allow” is that I just take it and never say anything to them. Or I simply don’t notice that something is not quite appropriate until something clicks in my head. (I should add that I’m 24 and I still live with my abusive mother though she’s no longer being physically abusive. I feel and also look like a teenager so people perceive me in a certain way.) Sometimes it’s easier for me to speak through examples as I haven’t quite figured out how to express things yet. There was a situation where I had to take a bus and there’s nothing strange about that. I generally feel unsafe when there’s a person between me and the possible escape route but I also feel deeply unsettled by being exposed in any way(so kinda need to hide but don’t like to be surrounded which on a bus is impossible), so to distract myself I usually have headphones on and I stare at my phone. That time a woman sat next to me at the back of a bus and it was a long ride, so I turned the music up and closed my eyes. I haven’t noticed it at first but that woman was stroking my thighs and to me it didn’t seem weird at all (now it really does as I look back at the situation) until minutes later something clicked in my head and I’ve opened my eyes to just stare at her and she didn’t even stop. I just put my backpack on my lap. As I look back at it all now I’m surprised that was the only thing I did. I didn’t feel threatened in any way, I felt awkward and slightly ashamed thinking what others would think if they noticed that. Something similar happened at a mall when a woman just walked in on me in a changing room. She was just looking at me and was staring back at her. I didn’t say anything until she asked if I need any help trying on clothes and I quietly said “no”. She left but I felt some kind of way, like I was dirty or something. People always invade my space. And I never can say “no” if they’re asking me to do something or to go somewhere. Especially when it comes to strangers and people I don’t know that well. I waste my time doing things they want me to do instead of doing homework or enjoying a book or even eating/drinking and taking care of my needs. I’ve spent hours helping someone rearrange their furniture while being hungry and exhausted but I didn’t say a thing. People get angry with me sometimes when they discovered over I was in pain or discomfort while helping them but in my mind I was afraid they’d be angry with me if told them because it’s an excuse to not help or something. So people who want to use me and have shady intentions can use me and people who think I’m just happy to help end up using me and they didn’t really want to do that but I’ve put them in that strange position because I can’t say “no”. I ended up in places far from home late at night because I was helping friends of friends who thought I genuinely had nothing else to do and nowhere else to be. I really don’t know what to do with this and how to stop being like this. My social life is all weird because people genuinely don’t understand why I’m doing this and up until recently I didn’t either. I hope someone would have some kind of advice. Sorry for such a long post.

Everyone is a fish they evolve they start as a trout then get abilities by doing certain quests
The Mahi Mahi quest doubles your health and lets you stun the shark for 3 seconds this ability has a 10 second cooldown
The Flying Fish quest increases movement speed by 50% and lets you fast travel with a 1-minute cooldown
The Catfish quest will double your regen and let you eat algae to heal 15% of your health instantly with a 90 second cooldown
The Angler Fish quest doubles your vision and lets you pull other players to you with a 30 second cooldown
The Blobfish Quest lets you access certain parts of the map without taking damage it also let you set a slime trap that stops the shark for 10 seconds with a 3-minute cooldown
The Swordfish quest lets you kill the shark and escape (you must get all other fish in order to unlock) (all players must unlock to win) (all tasks must be complete to win)

Custom map there are three depths the top middle and bottom
The middle halves your sight and the bottom halves it again
At The bottom you take 1 damage per second
There is no order in which you unlock the fish except for the sword fish
The shark cannot be voted out
The fish have 5 lives and 100 health

The shark has terrible render distance but cannot be lowered
The shark has their own version of the quests
The Great White quest doubles your damage and lets mass stun the fish for 2 seconds this ability has a 10 second cooldown
The Mako quest increases movement speed by 50%
The Whaleshark quest will double your size and lets you suck a single player toward you with a 90 second cooldown
The Hammerhead quest doubles your vision and lets you see all players on the map for 5 seconds with a 30 second cooldown
The Sawfish Quest lets you kill 3 players at a time with sweeping saw ability which has a 2-minute cooldown it also lets you break slime traps with a 3-minute cooldown
The Megalodon Quest lets you kill all other fish by causing a mass extinction (you must get all other Sharks in order to unlock)

This is a hidden imposter game mode
Meaning the imposter transforms into the shark and the fish quests do 2 things for the shark
mahi mahi = great white
Flying fish = mako
Catfish = whale shark
Angler fish = hammerhead
Blobfish = sawfish
Swordfish = megalodon

Hi, all. I don't know if my post here fits, but I need to say something about it. It's just so audacious.
This past Saturday, I (26F) went to the laundromat to get a small load of laundry done. I was about to park when a group of four 12-14 year old boys walked right up to my moving vehicle and started asking me questions, a lot of the questions I knew were being asked to get a reaction out of me. I feel really frickin' old after this interaction because it made me want to ask them where their parents were, and that the streetlights were on so they probably should head back home, they're parents will be pissed that they're late getting back home.
These kids were asking me if I had a level ten GYAT, if I would drive them to California (note: we live in Iowa), and if I got rizzed up enough. I know what that all means but to hear it spoken literally, no sarcasm, made me cringe so hard. It's the fact that they looked 10 too. 😭
I would have parked, had it not been for them blocking my way to a spot, and the fact that one of them STARTED CLIMBING THROUGH MY WINDOW. I'm sorry, I know they were barely teenagers, but that immediately set off my anxiety. I'll admit that I genuinely went into freeze mode for a bit. I had no clue who these boys were, and they just hopped into my car like that. I'm glad one of the boys was just as disturbed as I was about it, because he asked the friend who was halfway through my window and face first in my dirty laundry, "what the hell are you doing bro?" and got him to climb back out. I started driving away, and little dude started trying to get back inside. I kept driving forward regardless, and he clambered back out.
Overall, I'm glad that I was able to drive off without running them over. Please keep your kids in check. That kind of behavior is the stuff Gacy and Dahmer would have loved. Nowadays, it would 100% get those boys hurt, kidnapped, and/or killed if they were were in anywhere other than a small town in Midwest Iowa.
I do want to know if I'm TA for how I handled that whole thing, and if I would have been TA if I called the cops. I know I shouldn't have humored them by stopping to talk, and I know I should have rolled the windows up the minute they put their hands on my car. I was just so thrown because I didn't expect it, I expect that stuff from grown men, but a bunch of 12-14 year olds??? I was still playing with Barbies at 14!
Thanks for anyone who read this all, and I'm sorry if anyone else has had a similar experience. I'm going to contact the laundromat and see what I can do about it, I desperately want the parents to know what kind of danger their boys are putting themselves in. I didn't feel that calling the cops was appropriate, and on top of that, I was planning on this being a quick trip so I left my phone home.
Thanks again, and I hope that you all have the kind of day that you need. 💙

There have been an increasing number of juniors visiting this sub asking for advice about writing essays. Below are some tips and advice for making your essay stand out as excellent. Feel free to ask questions because I will answer every single question in the comments.
I know from experience that many of you are struggling to identify a good topic for your essay. Conventional wisdom says to start by brainstorming a list of potential topics, and chances are, you have already started a mental list of ideas. You might think you only have a few choices for topics, based on your activities or experiences, or essay examples you read, or the rough draft you already started (or worse, that GPT started...). I advise, however, that you put down your list of topics and back away from it. Forget that exists for a moment. Seriously - thinking about this initial list tethers you to certain ideas that might not actually be your best options.
Now you can begin brainstorming with a clean slate.
Start with thinking about what you want to show in your entire application, not just one essay. Every single component in your app has one purpose – to tell more about YOU. Filling out the rest of the application by rote and focusing solely on the essay is short-sighted and will leave so much potential untapped in your application.

It's About You. Tell Your Story - And Be The Protagonist

An admissions officer’s goal is to understand you fully, in the context of your background and the rest of the applicant pool. They will begin this with assessing your academic abilities and potential. Then they will evaluate how you will fit into the student body they’re trying to curate. All of this can be somewhat broad and diverse and touch on several institutional goals. But they will dig deep to find out what each applicant is like, what your core values and motivations are, what kind of student you will be, how you will contribute to the vibrant and intellectual campus community they’re building, etc.
Your goal with essay brainstorming is to ascertain how to powerfully tell your story in a manner that will fit these criteria. The entirety of your application (again, not just one essay) aims to showcase your abilities, qualifications, and uncommon attributes as a person in a positive way. Before you begin outlining or writing your application, you must determine what is unique about you that will stand out to an admissions panel. All students are truly unique. Not one other student has the same combination of life experiences, personality, passions, or goals as you do. Your job in your application is to frame your unique personal attributes in a positive and compelling way. How will you fit on campus? What personal qualities, strengths, core values, talents, or different perspectives do you bring to the table? What stories, deeper motivations/beliefs, or formative experiences can you use to illustrate all of this?
It is always helpful to start with some soul-searching or self-examination. You might not immediately know what you want to share about yourself. It’s not a simple task to decide how to summarize your whole life and being in a powerful and eloquent way on your application. Introspection prior to starting your application takes additional time and effort rather than jumping straight into your first draft. But it is also a valuable method to start writing a winning application that stands out from the stack.
You'll see the advice everywhere that all essay prompts are really about the same thing - you. The goal of each essay then is to showcase who you are, what matters to you, and how you think. I guarantee if you're on this sub enough, you'll hear the advice to "show, don't tell" when writing about yourself. But what does this mean really, and how do you do it well? How do you even get started on an essay that does this?

Introspection Questions

It’s often easiest to start thinking in terms of superlatives, especially those related to personal insights -- what are the most meaningful things about you, and what do you value the most? Here is a list of questions to help you brainstorm broadly before you narrow down your focus for writing:

• What are your interests?
  
• What sparks your curiosity?
  
• About what topics do you enjoy reading?
  
• With whom do you enjoy spending time? Who has impacted your life the most?
  
• Reflect upon “superlatives” in your life. What moments were most memorable, formative, enlightening, enjoyable, or valuable? What physical possessions, experiences, dreams, or lessons could make your superlatives list?
  
• Stop and think about what things, people, or circumstances in your life are really unique, fascinating, or outlandish. Are there any that really have a lot of "cultural flavor" (whatever your culture is)?
  

I have a free introspection worksheet with over 100 questions like this designed to help you find ideas worth exploring in your essays. You can find it on the A2C Discord or download it directly here.

Find Your Story And Arc

Think of a small anecdote or story from your life that you could share that serves as a microcosm of who you are and what is important to you. It will massively help you narrow this down and find a gem of a story if you first start by thinking about your application arc or theme. This is the one-phrase summary of your entire application. It could be "brilliant entrepreneur who started her own successful business" or "talented athlete who wants to study economics and finance as they pertain to sports", or even "avid baker whose hobby sparked an interest in chemistry". It doesn't have to be related to your intended major, but it can help your arc be stronger and clearer if it is.
Once you have an arc determined and a story to share, think about what you want that story to say about you. This is where it can help to think of this as something you would share on a date - what impression does it make about you to the reader? Once you know this, start showing, not telling this attribute of yourself through your story. For example, instead of saying that you're compassionate toward others, you show an example of a time you were compassionate, then elaborate on why, and what it means to you.

Essay Brainstorming Techniques

If you are having trouble finding a story, or simply have writer’s block once you have picked your topic, here are some ideas to get your juices flowing:

• Stream of consciousness writing -- Start writing whatever is in your head, and don’t stop for 30 minutes. You probably won’t use what you just wrote for your essay, but it will help you find a starting point.
  
• Journaling -- Answer the prompt as if you were writing in a journal. This will get you in the habit of writing about yourself and establish comfort with the concept. It will also take you to a new level of introspection and self-awareness.
  
• Twitter X style -- Write several rapid-fire responses to the prompt in 280 characters or less. Choose an idea from these responses to expound upon in your essay.
  
• Read each essay prompt, then go through your introspection worksheet responses and connect the stories and insights to one or more of the prompts. Some students like using color coding to visually see how their different ideas might work together.
  

Why Essays Matter

Here's the thing a lot of people don't realize about college admission: it's not an award for being the smartest, most accomplished, or most impressive. It's an invitation to join a community. Far too many students think that if they can just show that they're smart enough, they'll get in. Yale even says right on their admissions website that 75% of their applicants are academically qualified to succeed at Yale. But only ~4% are getting in. That should tell you that they're looking for more than just top tier test scores and grades. To be perfectly clear, you will need top tier grades and (optionally) test scores to show that you're qualified, and the vast majority of my students come to me with this part already in the bank. But what sets the admits apart? It's personal insight - sharing who you are, how you think, what matters to you, and how you engage community. You can't just say "/IAmVerySmart, please admit me," or even "I did a cool thing guys! Isn't that neat!" You need to go deeper and show them your core values, personal strengths, motivations, aspirations, character traits, foundational beliefs, personality, etc. And you need to do it in a charming, winsome way that makes them like you and want to invite you to join their community.
So how do I get students to do this? All of my students complete that introspection worksheet. We go through it and find the stories, examples, anecdotes, conversations, memories, relationships, and other things from their life that will help us craft a strong and personally insightful narrative. We also make lists of the values, strengths, and key personal qualities we want to showcase. Once we have some topics, outlines, abstracts, or rough drafts, we talk about which stories to tell where, how to tell them well, and what details to include to present the best they have to offer. Then we refine, edit, polish, and enhance over and over until the story sings, but more importantly shows their heart and soul. We also go through all the other application components to ensure consistency, quality, and distinctiveness.
Here's why this works so well: at most highly selective colleges there is a primary reader (or 2-3) who will review everything first and then present it to the admissions committee, who then votes on whether to admit you. That presentation typically goes one of three ways:

1. Total enthusiasm, energy, and excitement. They strongly advocate for admission and paint a clear picture of how you will contribute to their goals and community. Everyone in the room picks up on that energy and is leaning forward in their chairs, looking for reasons to admit you. This is quite rare, generally less than 5 out of every 100 applications, even among those which are "fully qualified." When you do this right, you show depth, meaning, and valuable personal insights so the reviewer is learning about who you are and how you might engage the community they're curating. You come alive off the page as a person, not just another file.
   
2. Business as usual. You're another great applicant in a pile of great applicants. They share a basic review of the facts, your profile, stats, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Maybe someone on the committee finds something they love, and they really push for admission. More likely, not and you get deferred/waitlisted even though there wasn't anything "wrong" with your application. They just didn't love you enough to commit.
   
3. "Here's a stack of 20 applications that I didn't find all that compelling, so we won't present them individually, but you guys are the committee and you make the decisions. So let me know if there are any you want to talk about." In this case, unless there's a letter of endorsement from an athletics coach or your last name matches several buildings on campus, you're probably not getting additional consideration, much less admission. They will regret to inform you.
   

Everything we're doing is designed to help them get to know themselves, present the best they have to offer, and land in that first group. Having top tier essays is the single best way to get there. Get started on brainstorming in the next few weeks so you'll have time to get a few essays completed over the summer.

Sorry if this is asked all the time but I could use the help and advice. I’ve watched most of 90 day fiance OG (s2-s7) and all of Before the 90 days. I’m obviously obsessed, and am unfortunately an afficionado for terrible reality TV.
I recently introduced my girlfriend to the Swedish tv show Älskar, älskar inte (Love me, love me not) which is literally just Swedish 90 days. She’s not typically a reality person, but loved it, and we binged it all. So I offered to introduce her to 90 days which is the original, but have no clue where to start. We unfortunately adore the genuinely cringy drama aspect more than the genuine romance - in the Swedish show, for example, there’s one single couple that’s genuinely lovely and heart warming but the rest are trainwrecks. A good balance for us.
I’m thinking B90D s4 - that seems like the most insane season all around. However, she’d miss out on Pol and Karine, as well as most of Darcey’s story. 90DF OG is a stable start before heading out to the spinoffs, but generally I feel that those seasons are slower and less dramatic than B90D - s6 of OG was the first season I ever watched (binged on a long plane ride) and that one has a lot of drama so maybe that’d be best?
What do y’all think? I obviously haven’t watched stuff like HEA, or even TOW, but have avoided s1 of OG specifically bc I’d imagine I’d get bored. Should I start with a batshit season like B90D s4 to get her hooked, and then move on to slower seasons? Or start slow and build up to insanity?
Thanks, and sorry if the English is a bit wonky, I’m 2 beers deep and ESL, lol.
Edit: idk why this post is getting downvotes, did I do smth wrong?

Hello,
I understand there is risk to investment or just general pensions vs NHS being a somewhat ''guaranteed'' amount, however I want to work on assumptions of past.
I am 28 and don't suspect I will work in NHS for ever for this calculation I am going to assume 15 years then retire at 68,
NHS Pension

Conclusion:

After 15 years of earning £28,400 annually in the NHS 2015 Scheme, with a 2% average revaluation rate each year, your estimated annual pension would be approximately £9,095.06.
For me to be able to compare this I am going to need to know when I will die, this is where many people will try strong man the idea of the NHS is better because they assume people need to be earning loads of money into there 90's, I personally want to be conservative and put an age of 85.
so 68 until 85 earning 9,095.06 or 757.92 a month!
Private Pension.
28 years old putting in 182.99 (what nhs take off me for the membership )
After adjusting for tax relief, if you invest £182.99 per month from age 28 for 15 years, and then leave the accumulated amount to grow at an average annual interest rate of 5% until you turn 68, the final amount will be approximately £207,901.03 at 68 years old.
Scenario:

• Initial Pot at Retirement (Age 68): £207,901.03
• Monthly Withdrawal: £757.92
• Annual Interest Rate: 5%

Calculation:

1. Initial Setup:
   • Start with £207,901.03 at age 68.
   • Withdraw £757.92 each month.
2. Monthly Interest Rate:
   • Convert the annual interest rate (5%) to a monthly rate: 5%12≈0.004167125%​≈0.004167.
3. Monthly Calculation:
   • Each month, the pot earns interest and then the withdrawal is made.
   • Formula: 𝑃𝑛+1=𝑃𝑛×(1+0.004167)−757.92Pn+1​=Pn​×(1+0.004167)−757.92

Example of First Few Months:

• Month 1:
  • Starting Pot: £207,901.03
  • Interest: 207,901.03×0.004167=866.25207,901.03×0.004167=866.25
  • Post-Interest Pot: 207,901.03+866.25=208,767.28207,901.03+866.25=208,767.28
  • Post-Withdrawal Pot: 208,767.28−757.92=208,009.36208,767.28−757.92=208,009.36
• Month 2:
  • Starting Pot: £208,009.36
  • Interest: 208,009.36×0.004167=866.71208,009.36×0.004167=866.71
  • Post-Interest Pot: 208,009.36+866.71=208,876.07208,009.36+866.71=208,876.07
  • Post-Withdrawal Pot: 208,876.07−757.92=208,118.15208,876.07−757.92=208,118.15

Duration:

• After repeating this process monthly, the pot runs out in roughly 50 years and 6 months.
• Therefore, starting with £207,901.03 at age 68, and withdrawing £757.92 per month, the money would last until you're approximately 118 years old.

Scenario:

• Initial Pot at Retirement (Age 68): £207,901.03
• Monthly Withdrawal: £757.92
• Annual Interest Rate: 5%

Calculation:

1. Initial Setup:
   • Start with £207,901.03 at age 68.
   • Withdraw £757.92 each month.
2. Monthly Interest Rate:
   • Convert the annual interest rate (5%) to a monthly rate: 5%12≈0.004167125%​≈0.004167.
3. Monthly Calculation:
   • Each month, the pot earns interest and then the withdrawal is made.
   • Formula: 𝑃𝑛+1=𝑃𝑛×(1+0.004167)−757.92Pn+1​=Pn​×(1+0.004167)−757.92

Example of First Few Months:

• Month 1:
  • Starting Pot: £207,901.03
  • Interest: 207,901.03×0.004167=866.25207,901.03×0.004167=866.25
  • Post-Interest Pot: 207,901.03+866.25=208,767.28207,901.03+866.25=208,767.28
  • Post-Withdrawal Pot: 208,767.28−757.92=208,009.36208,767.28−757.92=208,009.36
• Month 2:
  • Starting Pot: £208,009.36
  • Interest: 208,009.36×0.004167=866.71208,009.36×0.004167=866.71
  • Post-Interest Pot: 208,009.36+866.71=208,876.07208,009.36+866.71=208,876.07
  • Post-Withdrawal Pot: 208,876.07−757.92=208,118.15208,876.07−757.92=208,118.15

Duration:

• After repeating this process monthly, the pot runs out in roughly 50 years and 6 months.
• Therefore, starting with £207,901.03 at age 68, and withdrawing £757.92 per month, the money would last until you're approximately 118 years old.

I understand 5% per year is not guaranteed so the figure is assumption, especially when it comes to withdrawing down.
am i wrong in my figures?

Im desperate to find a roommate, all my friends right now are not in the position for this. I found a $995 per month (not per person) house, 3bed 2bath with a backyard and an alley way with additional parking behind.
Ive visited the property and everything is very updated, amazing flooring and nothing rotting or moldy of the sort. I have two cats and I’m open to any gender of roommate as long as you’re not messy or creepy. Need someone who I can not only co exist with, but generally be roommates with someone who doesnt just stay in their room all day and doesnt ever want to communicate. Its a 15 minute drive from downtown and very close to I-59 and I-20. Its on a small street with a dead end, next to a cemetery and an abandoned library.
The only catch is that its in Eastlake. This area has been mentioned in this subreddit as “unsavoury” “unsafe” and “unwelcoming”. However, i currently live two blocks away from the property in an apartment. and I personally dont feel like my life is threatened and gunshots dont bother me often. Its worth it to me for a cheap place.
Shoot me a dm if you want to meet up and check out the place together and see if you’d be a good fit.

So every night my cat will yell at us in bed and I kick her out for 10 minutes, she gets three tries. Lately she’s been using the two tries right away and using the third for like 4am every night. Now I havnt noticed this because I’m a heavy sleeper and I can basically corale her and block the door in my sleep, but that means I didn’t notice my partner (a light sleeper) was going actually insane from getting woken up at 4am every night for like two weeks. Not only does she do this but when we wake up she yells and yells until he leaves for work. After he leaves for work she usually just cuddles up with me and follows me around quietly. I have no clue what this behavior indicates. When he gets home she’s happy to see him, he feeds her breakfast every morning and she’s been more food motivated lately but the yelling doesn’t stop when she gets fed. She only really stops once he leaves. Does she just not like him? I’m very worried. Please help.

About a year ago, I [29 M] was in a toxic relationship with J [29 M]. While there were no serious stakes in it (no kids or messy finances), the relationship and breakup ended up emotionally affecting me in a way I had never really thought possible. I feel guilty because after the relationship I tried to be friends with my ex still, which I now see as a mistake in the context of this relationship, and then after a few months, he blocked me because I didn't respect a boundary he had set about not sending him long messages. He said he didn't feel safe since I "completely ignored" the boundary.
I was devastated, but over the course of the next few months, came to understand a great deal of ways that I feel that I had been abused during the relationship. I felt angrier and angrier, and even though I was seeing a therapist, it eventually boiled over. My ex had blocked me on discord and probably on text, but I went onto an astrology app called Co-Star that he had had me download, and sent a message using it that said something like, "You were an abusive partner, but you can make it right with an apology."
Now, I have no idea if he actually saw the message. It was sent with a weird feature of the app called Chaos Mode that apparently chooses to send the message at some future time, so who knows if it actually ever sent. I don't know if he still has the app, if he unfriended me, or whatnot. But I feel guilty because I enacted exactly the caricature of me that he had created--I hadn't respected his boundaries, and I sent the message anyways.
At the same time, I am still feeling very victimized by the relationship. To give you a sense of the kinds of things that were going on in the relationship, here's a few examples that I currently find a little horrific [Note: this kind of turned into a summary of the relationship after I wrote it]. I'm aware that to heal I should probably not be ruminating about these things, especially if they lead me to boil over and message him, but here you go.
The first time I had sex with him, he slammed the door on me for not being able to finish and said "finish yourself." When I came to bed, I told him I felt shame. He said "good." The next time we had sex, he set a timer for me and said I had to finish within 5 minutes. These were the first times I ever had sex. He was manipulative in bed, telling me he didn't want to perform certain acts because I didn't give him enough praise for them, so that I started exaggerating my pleasure; he blamed me for why certain positions weren't working and was frustrated with how my body worked. On top of this, he admitted at the end of the relationship to having had sex with me around five times after he decided to break up with me (before he did), which just makes me feel a bit icky.
He would put me down in pretty transparently cruel ways. One example was when I exerted myself, he said I sounded like a muppet and that he "didn't want to be dating a muppet." When I offered him a blanket but apologized that it might not have been washed in a while, he called me a baby. He would insult my ability to give complements, asking me to tell him what color his eyes are but then rejecting everything that I gave him, telling me I was bad at complements repeatedly (and saying that it wasn't fair of him because his other exes were artists, so no wonder I was bad). Now, there were times that he was complementary to me--he told me I was hot, good at singing, good at writing, smart--but also times where he would put me down for things I was less good at, like cooking.
He constantly made me feel insecure about my gender. (For context, we are both men, but he was raised as a woman). So he would make pretty sweeping feminist critiques over fairly mundane things, like if I complained when I was sick he would go off about how men are always babies when they are sick and women don't get attention. When I confronted him about some of the things he was saying, telling him that while I wanted him to express these kinds of social problems so that I could be aware and adapt, I was feeling insecure in the relationship--he flipped it around and told me that if I didn't feel loved, he could say "I love you" less, and that I hadn't been grateful enough for when he came to visit me. (I had written him poetry, deep cleaned my apartment, taken time off work, sent my roommate off for the week, bought him a bus pass, planned his visit, met him in the airport despite not having a car, and just an insane amount of work to be turned into, "you weren't grateful enough").
Other than namecalling, he was just plain controlling. The reason that the boundary around me not sending long messages exists is that when I felt insecure--which I think makes sense given the ways he would talk to me--I would often send him a few paragraphs apologizing and explaining how I was growing. Even though long messages were the first thing he said he loved about me, and that he said our communication was like magic, he eventually set up what he called an "Essay embargo" and told me not to write them. The first time he set the "embargo", he had said it was only until we met in person because he didn't want me to write anything that would make him nervous. After we met in person, I assumed the embargo had lifted. Yet shortly after, he set it again, giving a few explanations--the main one just being that he wanted to appreciate our relationship without overthinking it. It seemed playful. He definitely did also say that long messages made him uncomfortable because he felt obligated to send a response. So, when I did send messages, I would add that he didn't have to respond (which I realize is not fully respecting the boundary). I did ask after sending messages whether they were ok and he never responded to those questions.
Despite this, there were times during the relationship that I continued to send long, often apologetic messages. I had felt like this boundary was set playfully and I also was feeling overwhelming guilt that I, for whatever reason, needed his affirmation for. I am conflicted because on the one hand, I was definitely ignoring his boundary--but on the other, I feel like the boundary was not very thoughtful of my own needs, either.
Prior to the breakup, it was hell. He was getting angry at me for everything--for pretty mundane things like using the bathroom before him and stinking it up. He told me he had to show me how to do everything, but I realize now that a lot of this was just him being particular (e.g, he told me I don't know how to drink tea because I left the bag in, when I just like it strong). Unfortunately, I had flown 5,000 miles to visit him and was sort of trapped in his proximity, and was drunk on love still since I was trying very hard, it was my first relationship, and he had sold me on notions of fairytale romance and told me we were cosmically meant to be together and other lovebomby sort of things. We flew to a convention and I met some of his friends, and at one point he introduced me to a girl he had almost dated before, saying I was a friend and not a partner. I pointed this out to him later and he just said "does that make you angry?". He flirted with a woman at a party, telling her she was pretty while demanding that i bring him snacks (I feel so, so weak for not confronting him about this). He got drunk and I stayed with him as he passed out, but he was angry at me in the morning. When one of his friends told me they thought I was nice, because i was opening doors for everyone, my ex said "Is he really?" Questioning them.
The breakup itself was cold and calculated. He started it by telling me that he thought about not giving me any reasons for the breakup because I always overanalyze things. He told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I was a woman. He told me I didn't take care of him and he needs a partner that takes care of him, and that his partners always feel taken care of. He threw some things I had said at the beginning of the relationship back at me--misquoting and misunderstanding them.
After the relationship, I had no idea what to think. It was my first relationship. It had started with fairytale romance. I had been passing his tests, I had been an exception to his long string of abusive relationships. He presented himself as this incredibly moral person (vegan, environmentally conscious, telling me of all of the ways others had abused him that he would never do, even his closest friends). I had completely internalized criticisms that he had had of me throughout the relationship, many of which had led to serious self reflection and my writing messages about my growth. Within a week I told him I still loved him and that I always would. He reminded me of his boundary around long messages and said they made him anxious. I was desperate. We took a few weeks of no-contact. We messaged short-messages back and forth, with a few life-updates to eachother each. He told me he was rescuing a kitten that he found, and I remembered how he could be kind.
But as I processed, more and more, I felt angry. I wrote unsent angry letters in the notes app on my phone for a month. I wrote myself a 20,000 word summary of the relationship. This was not a healthy way to process. It elevated me. (Some of you will probably comment that maybe I shouldn't have written this post for the same reason, but oh well--I wanted to process and I want to hear if others have similar stories). Meanwhile, my ex kept pushing back the date for when we would verbally connect again. Eventually, I boiled over. I did not insult him. But I wrote a long message explaining that I wanted to take 3 months of no-contact. I had entered another relationship and told him that even though I was feeling angry at him, he shouldn't be worried because even though I had baggage from the relationship, I was communicating well with my new partner. I also told him that I felt like if I did talk with him, that I would end up tearing him a new one, and that I needed time to cool down. I'm not proud of the message in general, but I didn't call names, tell him he was awful, or anything like that. I was just insensitive and told him I was angry.
And like that, I was blocked. It was over. A period of about 9 months, five of which we were together, with two before escalating towards love bombing and two after escalating towards my boiling over.
And yet, I had never expressed to him that I thought he had been abusive. I felt frustrated that I had told him that I would always love him, when in many ways now I hated him.
Five months passed, during which I came to realize more and more how messed up the relationship was.
And then I sent the message on Co-star.
Fast forward another four months to now.
I just sent him a text, knowing he probably has blocked me there too. It said something like, "I want my last message to you just be: I'm sorry, and I forgive you." I wanted to free myself. I needed to not feel angry at him or ashamed of myself. I needed to not feel like I had a million things to say to him--I needed to just say, this is it: I'm not sending more messages. I'm sorry, and I forgive you. It was for myself. I was forgiving him selfishly, even though he didn't deserve it, so that I could move on.
I feel like I shouldn't have sent this, but I don't feel bad about it yet, either. I needed closure. It always felt like there was some "message I could send" to detail his abuse, and I needed to not have that standing over me--I needed to forgive. I am now oscillating between wondering about myself--whether I have a problem with boundaries, since I had boiled over at this point three times to message him. Feeling frustrated I didn't assert myself about his abuse, that I doubled down on loving him. Part of me is glad that I sent the message on Co-Star saying that he was abusive, because it was the only indication I ever gave him, really, that what he did wasn't ok to me--he had blocked me before I could articulate anything. But I also know that this message even if received would not mean anything to him.
Anyways, now I'm venting about it here on Reddit. Does anyone have similar experiences surrounding self control messaging exes and feeling a bit out of control?

Day/Time: 5/14 10am
Item name: Loop Coaster (10303)
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