Pain in chest and back when swallowing food

Nutrition

2008.11.17 03:35 Nutrition

A subreddit for the discussion of nutrition science. Macronutrients, micronutrients, vitamins, diets, and nutrition news are among the many topics discussed. Civil discourse is required.
[link]


2010.09.01 08:47 In-N-Out Burger

This subreddit is dedicated to In-N-Out Burger, its associates, and the guests who dine at our stores.
[link]


2008.10.01 05:41 Rant!

***This is an anti-free speech Anti-Alt-right/Nazi/Right Conservatives, a Pro-LGBT community that supports Black Lives Matter. If you don't like it, post somewhere else.*** What does this mean, you ask. It means: Nazis, Bigots, Racists, Trolls will be banned & punted to the Admins. **We reserve the right to moderate at our discretion.**
[link]


2024.05.14 12:41 More_Helicopter_688 Post trip report Two weeks with a toddler (Lake Como, Gardaland, Venice)

We just got back from a wonderful trip in the northern part of Italy with our 3-year-old. Having spent 2 weeks on one of our best trips so far, I really want to thank a bunch of fellow redditors who helped refine our itinerary and suggested places which otherwise would not have made it to our plan!
Day 1 Milan: We took a flight from India and landed in Milan in the afternoon. Milan was just the arrival point for us and we did not intend to visit Milan as such, so we ended up booking a room in the hotel at the Malpensa Airport itself. Nothing much that day; a bit of rest and a delicious dinner were a great start to our trip.
Day 2 Drive from Milan to Bellagio: Woke up after a good night's sleep (a much needed one after the long sleepless flight the day before). Breakfast at the hotel was really good with a lot of options for everyone. We had booked a car through SIXT at the Malpensa airport. Getting the car was a breeze with great service from the representative at the SIXT counter. The drive to Bellagio was a very good one. I was still getting used to the car, since I come from a land of right-hand drive and switching to a left-hand drive meant putting in a lot more focus on the road. Driving along the Lake Como was a fantastic experience. We reached Bellagio by lunch time and our AirBnB was ready for us. The rest of the day was at leisure, with a casual walk around Bellagio, through the city center and along the lake.
Day 3 Bellagio to Varenna: Took a ferry to Varenna and had breakfast at a lake side cafe. With great weather on our side, a cup of coffee and a little pastry seemed more blissful than we thought of! We had signed up for a picnic on the hills of Camaggiore, a 40-minute drive from the Varenna ferry station. We had our representative waiting for us and she drove us to the picnic spot, sharing tales from the towns of Lake Como, showing us amazing views along the way. The picnic itself was surreal, with the most beautiful view of the lake from 1200 meters above. We spend the rest of the day exploring Varenna at our pace, while our little one slept like a log in the stoller.
Day 4 Bellagio: After debating weather to visit the Como town or not, we decided to stay in Bellagio in explore the town a bit more. We took a ride of the Bellagio Express, the toy train that takes you around the town. It was a fun ride, intended for our toddler, who decided to doze off in the train itself! Post that, we saw the gardens of the Villa Melzi. We had rented a boat to explore the lake ourselves during the evening, but rainy weather made us cancel our plans. We spent the rest of the evening, relaxing at our AirBnB, overlooking the lake.
Day 5 Drive from Bellagio to Gardaland: Moving on to the next leg of our trip, which was clearly planned keeping our little boy in mind, we drove to Gardaland reaching there by noon. Thanks to a wonderful fellow Redditor, we got introduced to this wonderland called Gardaland! Our stay was booked at the Gardaland Hotel and while we were waiting for our room to get ready, we decided to pay a visit to the Gardaland Resort park right away. A drizzly weather kept most of the visitors inside the SEA Aquarium, but that also meant we had absolutely no waiting times on most of the rides in the park! The little one was elated to see the Peppa Pig Land, and refused to move away from it. All in all, day one in the park was a super success despite the wet weather. Evening at the hotel was full of fun-filled activities for the kids. The entertainment team at Gardaland Hotel did a fabulous job at keeping kids engaged.
Day 6 Gardaland: Our second day in the Gardaland park was a much more planned one, since we had already explored some of the park on the previous day. We knew the rides we wanted to go on, and so logistics were simpler. Weather was great too, and so we had a wonderful time! The park has a plethora of options to eat, with a ton of sweet treats along the way. The park is huge but very well laid out with clean facilities. Naturally, day two also could not be completed without visiting our favorite Peppa Pig! Evening at the hotel was again fun-filled with the team at Gardaland doing what they do the best!
Day 7 Parco Natura Viva: Gardaland is in proximity to a lot of amusement parks and points of recreation for family and friends. One of them is Parco Natura Viva, a zoo with a drive-through safari. It was a Saturday and the zoo had enormous waiting times for the cars to enter the Safari. After having waited in the queue for over an hour, we finally started the Safari, which turned out to be pretty great. Next, we had the fauna park (the walkable part of the zoo), the one with animals in their enclosures. With the entire park divided into geographical zones, it was fun seeing animals from various continents. The place is well-maintained, and creates a great experience for kids.
Day 8 Verona: We had kept an extra day in Gardaland just in case the little man wanted to visit the park again. However, given the proximity, we decided to do a day trip to Verona instead. We drove to Verona and parked our car in one of the paid parking lots. We had reserved a morning slot for a walking tour, that took us through the streets of Verona, with our very knowledgeable guide sharing tales from historic Verona, the castle and gate to the old city center. The center was bustling with stores and eateries. Very touristy but was all the more fun! Our taste buds were craving for some Indian food and we ended up having lunch at an amazing Indian restaurant named "Maharajah". The food was delectable with very prompt service. As touristy as it sounds, we did go to "Casa di Giulietta", commonly known as Juliet's house that is known for the legacy of Romeo and Juliet having been inspired from there. The so-called Juliet's balcony is missable at best.
Day 9 Drive from Gardaland to Venice: Switching to the last leg of our trip, this was supposed to be the wife's part of the trip. She has wanted to visit Venice for as long as she remembers, and this trip could not have happened without a leisurely stay in the city of canals! This was also the last day of us keeping the car, and we drove to Venice Marco Polo Airport where we returned the car at the SIXT counter. Once again, just like the pick-up the return process was extremely smooth and lasted barely a couple of minutes. Our plan was to catch the Alilaguna airport water bus to the main island, but we decided to splurge at the last moment and took the water taxi instead. And boy were we happy! The water taxi is an experience in itself, especially when entering the canals from the airport. Our AirBnB was located right on the Grand Canal, giving us uninterrupted views of the Canal. For a place that looked better in person than in pictures, what more could we have asked for! We spent the evening walking to the Rialto Bridge, people-watching!
Day 10 St. Marks square and Dodge's Palace: After a good night's sleep, we woke up refreshed, taking in the morning views of the Grand Canal, with the gondola's and the various boats floating by, doing their chores for the day. We had booked a tour of the St. Marks square and the Basilica, along with the Dodge's Palace. Unfortunately, it had to be a rainy day. While we still participated in the tour, the place became very crowded because a lot of people tried to maximize on the time indoors to avoid the rain. Nonetheless, it was a good experience. The little one dozed off in the Basilica and so we let my wife carry on with the tour of the palace, while I took a table under an umbrella at the Cafe Lavena to get myself some coffee, and to let my son enjoy his sleep. We spent the evening loitering around the Rialto market, spoiling ourselves with a few gelatos at Suso!
Day 11 Murano, Burano and Torcello: We woke up early, fixed ourselves some breakfast and were ready to leave. We had booked a tour of the 3 islands and our job was to get to the meeting point as soon as possible. Unfortunately, we missed our group and had to visit the islands on our own. The upside to this was that we could do it at our own pace! This included having a hearty lunch at a beautiful local cafe in Torcello. This place had a chidren's play area too! This also meant spending more time than necessary in Burano, because why not? We loved the colorful houses on the island and we just wanted to be there, taking in everything it had...
Day 12 Leisure and Photoshoot: My wife and I generally have this idea of booking a small photoshoot at every exquisite location we visit. This not only gives us great pictures for memories, but it also allows us to see areas which we would otherwise not know existed. We booked this experience through AirBnB and our photographer was a wonderful man, very learned and a true Venetian at heart! He took us to places that were free of tourists, for some amazing pictures. Not only that, he also arranged for a special Gondola ride for us, which took us through the narrower canals of Venice, adding to the already special experience. A trip to Venice is really incomplete without a Gondola ride, and we were glad we could! This was the last evening of our trip and we could not conclude it without a few more Aperol Spritz's and Gelatos from Suso!
With every trip we take, we learn a lot, that helps us make our future trips better. We consciously chose to skip the more popular locations like Rome and Florence (Tuscany), since we wanted to have ample time of leisure and just do nothing, with a toddler who wanted to just be.
If I could summarize the learnings of this trip, they would be:
submitted by More_Helicopter_688 to ItalyTravel [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:41 Any-Classic-5733 Why HW3 feels like a disappointment to fans of previous HW campaigns

I was in two minds as to add my opinion to an already crowded field, but I think I need to write my feelings down on a franchise that has inspired my imagination for decades. I will state up front that I think BBI had a nearly impossible task - how to please veterans and players of old, and attract new players to the franchise that will continue to breathe life into it.
I think they may have succeeded with the latter, but probably failed with the former.
It pains me to have to be so negative, and I don't want to come across as a spoiled entitled gamerdude who's angry he didn't get the game he wanted. I'm sure many will disagree with my points, but I don't think I'm alone either.
TLDR at the bottom.
First, some nice things to say
The game does look lovely. Battles, while chaotic and messy the sound design is wonderful, the battle chatter and PDCs from capital ships/assault frigates are seriously impressive.
Campaign
It's short. Unbelievably so. I completed it in two sittings. Some missions/levels, whatever you want to call them are over in 20 minutes, some take a little longer but usually consist of one or two objectives before the player is hastily moved onto the next mission.
I didn't really gel with the story, it felt a little clichéd - 'the new protagonist is in search of the old one' didn't make any sense to me. The whole thing felt like a missed opportunity. They had free reign to do whatever they wanted, but seemed to have gravitated back to a weird 'prophecy' story where I understood very little considering just how much exposition is forced upon the player.
I must have missed what the 'anomaly' was because I kept seeing it being mentioned but had no idea how it fit into the story.
Gameplay and storytelling pacing is a problem
Gone is the slow and steady story telling of old, no sense of wonder or mystery - instead we're hurried along from beat to beat, always being told something is urgent and frequently being reminded that an objective needs completing.
The player is robbed of agency in a lot of cases. In one mission, we're just given a carrier from the start - no research or objectives to complete in order to earn it - just hey you'll need this. I remember in HW1, the first time you make a destroyer, or the first time you build a carrier it's an exciting moment, you feel a sense of achievement and can't wait to see how this changes the battlefield.
You don't get to feel that in HW3. In fact, some missions you might get access to several new units within minutes of each other, so you never really get to explore how each one affects the battles. The pace of the gameplay means you're constantly under attack or under pressure with few moments of calm.
Also, there are times when storytelling got in the way, especially after a lengthy cut-scene the player would be taken out of the game for a moment to show something on the sensors, sometimes multiple times within a few moments of each other. Infuriatingly this didn't seem to pause the action. It was like the steering wheel was taken away from you while you were trying to navigate around a bend.
Gameplay mechanics are simplified compared to previous HW titles
Because there is little in the way of microing your units, (no attack move, no kiting more powerful ships) you find yourself constantly in the build menu maxing out your unit caps to replace lost ships. And you can do that, by the way, because you have literally infinite resources. At no point during the campaign did I have less than 10,000 RUs.
Resource collecting no longer means a player has to choose how to best manage their resource economy. They've taken all that away by giving the player the easy version. The resource controller does it all for you. I really miss how cool it was that resources would drop off at the MS or carriers, then you could upgrade your economy with controllers. Here we've skipped over that, you get the dumbed down version, the player no longer has to choose between positioning a valuable carrier for their economy or as a forward base for supporting strike craft and replenishing frigates.
I remember a while ago I saw someone post here that they hated HW2 strikecraft squadrons and preferred the individual units of HW1. I honestly thought it was the stupidest thing I've ever read regarding this franchise. Strikecraft squadrons added to the scale of the battles, but more importantly it was much more rewarding to manage. By efficiently microing your fleet, you could 'save' a whole squadron by docking it. Now it feels like you just spaming strike craft endlessly with little hope to save individual ones because they'll usually die before you can react and send them home to dock. I just can't understand why they went back to HW1 with that mechanic when clearly, squadrons are the superior choice for many reasons.
For all the talk of terrain and cover being a major gameplay mechanic, I found myself barely using it. Frigates and capital ship pathfinding meant it was just easier to avoid going near it.
Support frigates look like they have space for strikecraft to dock, but I've never seen them go near it. Feels like a feature that was never implemented.
Enemy faction feels... uninspired
The Incarnate ships have all taken their design from the Progenitors, but I'm surprised just how little variation there is in the design. They all look like mini Sajuuks or Progenitor Dreadnaughts from HW2. Don't get me wrong, they look great - but this is problematic from a gameplay perspective, but you only really see the subtle differences up close. However, you rarely have the opportunity to appreciate that due to the chaotic nature of the battles. Distinguishing between Incarnate units is almost impossible as they all share a very similar profile.
UI is much improved since the demo, controls are much better
I'm glad they listened to the feedback, the UI is more intuitive and micro animations give the player the right clues as to what is going on. However, I still struggled to identify which ships I have selected at any given time. Sometimes there will be little numbers over the top of units, but they don't correspond to the group number - it's quite confusing.
I was one of the biggest complainants of the new control system after playing the demo, however, I found myself switching from classic to modern during the campaign - mostly out of necessity - it's quite difficult to navigate around the terrain elements of the maps in classic mode.
But the improvements BBI have made to the responsiveness of the controls have made that transition much easier, props to them for doing that.
Multiplayer / War Games
I haven't had much luck with either of these modes, quickplay doesn't seem to work - trying to connect to anyone in the lobby results in failure most of the time. Of the few games I've played half the time one or more players drop out. This is going to be a major paint point for players new and old, and it'll need improving quickly if this game is going to hold onto any significant player count.
What I think happened here
Making an AAA title these days is hard. It's expensive, and the resources and investment needed to deliver it are enormous. It's why we see so many games released that feel rushed or unfinished. Investors/publishers want to see a return on that investment at some point, it's just a reality of modern-day game development. HW3 was delayed several times and we still ended up with (in my opinion), a sequel that feels rushed and underbaked.
I suspect a lot of this was down to pressure from the publisher to:
A. Try to appeal to a wider market by simplifying the gameplay B. Cut the amount of content to get the product released sooner
Unfortunately for players like me, who wanted a uniquely Homeworld campaign experience has left me feeling wanting. And I'm really sad about that. There are clearly many talented folks at BBI, and I can't help but feel this isn't the game they wanted to release... like they could have used another year or two of development if they could perhaps?
The campaign ending left it open for the possibility of us seeing more content set after these events. I would be entirely open to that, but they'd need to fix some of issues that I'd outlined above if I thought it'd be worth my time and money. But that doesn't appear to be on the year 1 roadmap. My current experience with War Games sort of tells me I've wasted my money a bit if that's all we're getting.
Maybe, after the Year 1 roadmap we'll see the possibility of a continuation of the story - the hunt for the crew of Karan's ship for example.
TLDR
The campaign is too short, and while punctuated with genuine moments of delight, pacing is problematic and the player is often robbed of agency and a sense of wonder. Battles, while pretty, are ultimately a chaotic war of attrition due to simplified gameplay mechanics.
The campaign experience has felt rather shallow and underbaked. Players of previous HW titles will be left feeling like underwhelmed in my opinion.
However I'm sure many new players will enjoy the game much more, it is still one of the most unique titles out there at the moment.
6/10
Edit: formatting
submitted by Any-Classic-5733 to homeworld [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:40 DrayBis_49 My(18F) boyfriend (20M) is horrible. Do I continue dating him?

Me (18F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been dating for about 4 months now but we were in a situationship for about 3 months before that. I'm his first girlfriend and no, the experience I expected of that is complete opposite.
I never got any gifts on our anniversaries while I remembered everything he liked and got him what all he wanted. I bought him food whenever he said he was hungry and was trying to save money so he couldn't buy anything (including desserts even when I'm not physically with him).
Not only that, we also have common friend group and the moment they knew we were together (which was a month ago), they have stopped talking to me. I barely have 2 friends right now and spent a lot of time trying to be next to myself and not interact with anyone.
I talked to him about it twice and nothing has changed. Moreover, whenever I tried talking to him about anything serious he always diverts the topic and makes it about himself. He kept excluding me from everything and everyone. It has been going on for a while and I finally reached the peak today.
I called him up asked for a charger since my phone is on 17% and he was going to the store which is right opposite of where I would charge my phone. He kept hesitating and tried stalling me and I still don't understand why. He asked when he would take it back as he might go to his friends' place to have dinner and study. I said that as soon as my phone reaches at least 30% I'd return it to him and he still kept hesitating and stalling.
I reached my limit and ended the call immediately and have been mad since. I want to break up with him but I'm not sure if I'm making the right decision or not. AITA?
submitted by DrayBis_49 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:40 Specialist_Bake6514 Vapiano P3: Italian Food Made in Germany

Vapiano P3: Italian Food Made in Germany
The kitchen is on fire. Welcome to the final part of the Vapiano story where the tables are turning. In the first two episodes we followed Mark Korzilius' journey from setbacks to founding Vapiano, a groundbreaking restaurant concept, highlighting its fresh ingredients, dynamic atmosphere, and data-driven operations that drove rapid success. While achieving initial profitability and garnering attention from industry giants like McDonald's, Vapiano's global expansion has led to stellar revenue growth. However, it has also resulted in the emergence of numerous side projects (or distractions), operational challenges, increased costs, significant investments, and a notable accumulation of debt. This underscores the prioritization of top-line growth over profitable growth. We will continue on this thread and see how the story ends, but I would encourage you to read part one and two for better context. Vapiano P1: Italian Food Made in Germany (substack.com). Let's dig in.
Before Going Public
We are now in 2015 and the year is a disaster for Vapiano's PR department. Employee time stamps are being manipulated, endless overtime for employees and high turnover in managerial roles are reported; mice in the kitchen and even rotten food allegedly found.
The company is confronted with allegations of exceeding working hours among trainees in an article published by Welt am Sonntag, while the same outlet accuses Vapiano of manipulating punch times. The auditing firm PwC is commissioned to investigate the allegations and finds that there is no systematic approach but rather misconduct by individual employees, a mistake that’s being corrected. Internal however, investigations into stamp times are carried out regularly now and beyond its obvious reputational impact, this sucks up valuable management time and attention.
In the summer of 2015 CEO, co-founder and investor Gregor Gerlach, who has been running the group since 2011 is stepping down and Jochen Halfmann is taking over. A new Vapiano People Program with an App is being developed with the aim to better interact with customers that will incorporate innovate features such as mobile pay. The German website sees a launch of new magazine to further promote the brand and there is now a full inhouse blogger and Instagram team being installed. In October the company buys seven restaurants from original co-founder, former co-investor and ex-president previously responsible for internation expansion Kent Hahne (2x Bonn, 3x Cologne, 1x Koblenz and one in Cologne that’s under construction). This package of Vapiano restaurants is very successful and generates net sales of more than 20 million euros in 2014. Hahne opened his first Vapiano restaurant in Cologne in August 2006 and in 2015 with his company apeiron AG, Hahne operates six L'Osteria franchise restaurants, a direct Vapiano competitor, and two self-owned restaurants GinYuu.
Then in November of 2015, the next public relations bomb goes off with allegations regarding the company's quality standards. The company immediately investigates the issue through internal and external specialists but finds no evidence of any quality issues. Nevertheless, knowing that the group is now being closely watched, the company’s already in place hygiene standards are being reinforced. Additional audits and inspections are performed nationally. Further, all Vapianos worldwide are being audited twice by the partners SGS Institut Fresenius and SAI Global. Auditing software is purchased to simplify the implementation of the audits and the resulting measures. Apart from the external examinations, there is a food sampling plan in place being performed continuously. Again, all of this sucks up costs, management time and attention. With all these tumultuous developments the company’s growth engine is undeterred. Revenue grows by a whopping 50 million euros to 202 million euros, an increase of 33%. Impressive. While average spent per customer increases in all countries, the number of customers per day in Germany decreases by 3.3% partially due to the negative press towards the end of the year. Five own, four JV and 19 new franchise restaurants are added that year to the group, the total number of own managed restaurants grows to 51, there are 31 JVs and 84 franchises which bringing the total to 166 Vapiano restaurants. Global restaurant sales are now above 400 million euros.
But while revenue grows by an astronomical 50 million euros, operating profits, alarmingly, shrink again. Gross margins are staying perfectly healthy above 75% but operating costs keep growing disproportionately fast. The Company’s outstanding debt jumps by almost 30 million, close to 85 million euros by the end of the year. With operating profits at 9.5 million euros, alarm bells should be going off right now.
In Q4 of 2015, new CEO Jochen Halfmann introduces Strategy 2020. The new strategy includes five essential points. One, profitable growth in the newly defined core markets of Germany and Austria as well as in the UK, Netherlands, France and USA. Two, operational excellence through strict “best practice” management. Three, further development and digitalization of the concept considering guest feedback. Four, greater focus on long-term employee retention and five, building a modern and sustainable IT landscape. Sound’s good on paper but let’s see how things pan out.
Vapiano's investments (capital expenditures) that year are primarily directed towards new restaurant openings, renovations of existing establishments, and share acquisitions in other Vapiano restaurants from franchisees or JV partners. A significant portion of funds is allocated to the digitalization of the guest experience, including the development of a new app scheduled for market release in 2016 and the implementation of a time recording system across all group restaurants. The world's first standalone Vapiano restaurant with a delivery service that year is built in Fürth, Germany. The company keeps expanding its presence in both inner-city locations and international markets, such as Shanghai, China.
To finance all of this, the group has its own operating cash flow which comes in at 18 million while capital expenditures are 26 million euros plus 14 million for acquisitions. The funding gab is filled with 26 million euros of new debt and a seven-million-euro equity raise. At that end of the year and after the equity raise Gregor Gerlach (through his AP Leipzig GmbH & Co. KG entity) holds 30.1%, Hans-Joachim and Gisa Sander through their Exchange Bio GmbH hold 25.5% and the Tchibo heirs, Herz through their Mayfair Beteiligungsfonds II GmbH & Co. KG hold 44,4%.
But for the first time the restaurant’s concept that was so successful to date is being questioned. Some customers are starting to mislike the operational flow of the concept itself. If you want pasta, you must queue for pasta. If you want pizza you stand in a different queue. A small side salad, yet another queue. "You spend more time carrying trays than an actress in Berlin-Mitte. The audience in the pasta limbo can only consist of people who have worked for an insurance company for a long time and, like Stockholm syndrome, they can no longer get away from the industrial canteen feeling," writes TV host Beisenherz provocatively. While overly harsh in his assessment he's not entirely wrong judging by customers venting their frustrations in forums and social media channels. It isn’t uncommon for those who ordered pizza to have already finished eating while there is little movement in the pasta queue. Long term that doesn't go down well, QSRs competitors like L’Osteria are handling this process differently, with much success.
https://preview.redd.it/6cas01oked0d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=2da6e0b4bc0e07dbee558de412feb414cd598d4a

Tipping Point

Where are now in the year 2016 and things start to deteriorate visibility. Perhaps not for the leman’s eye but any business minded observer can see that there are problems under the hood. Yes, revenue grows yet another whopping 50 million to almost 250 million euros but half of that growth, comes from acquisitions of restaurants that the group didn’t already own 100%, which is now being fully consolidated within the group’s accounts. Here is a concrete example. In the past, Vapiano SE, the group’s top holding company held an indirect 50% stake in a French subgroup via the subsidiary VAP Restaurants SA, based in Luxembourg, and included this as an associated company in the Vapiano SE consolidated financial statements using the equity method. Due to the acquisition of additional shares in September of 2016, Vapiano SE's indirect share in the French subgroup increased to 75%. This means that Vapiano SE takes control of the French subgroup, which is therefore included in the group’s financial statements as part of the full consolidation. The revenue from the acquired subsidiary now recorded in the consolidated income statement amounts to 12.8 million euros. While that’s great for the top line, the loss of the fully consolidated entity equates to 0.2 million euros. Yes, you are buying revenue, but there are losses attached to them, not profits. A similar case is the Swedish entity that runs eight restaurants with revenue of 11.5 million euros but has losses of 235 thousand euros. So much for Strategy 2020 and “profitable” growth.
That year the group’s operating profits are absolutely tanking, halving to 3.5 million euros. Operating profits are now a mere 1,4% of revenue. Remember original founder Mark Korzilius who talked about operating margins of 25% to 28% at the restaurant level? Yes, there are overhead costs for the organization that sits above the chain of restaurants, but operating margins that low indicates a course correction is needed. What’s telling is that in the annual report, in the management discussion section, the company starts talking about EBITDA as a proxy measure of profitability, rather than operating profit or net income. This wasn’t the case in the years before. Is this window dressing for an upcoming IPO? EBITDA is short for earnings before interest, tax, depreciation, and amortization. How can you measure profitability of a restaurant chain that absolutely and unequivocally needs capital investment to maintain its restaurant operations, the very source of cash generation, by simply excluding this maintenance charge (depreciation in the income statement)? Vapiano’s own annual report talks about the fact that existing restaurants must be rejuvenated from time to time and that new interior designs have to be implemented every few years. These things wear and tear, they go out of style, kitchen equipment breaks and needs replacement. This business absolutely needs maintenance capital expenditure, why anyone talks of profits before these maintenance costs is beyond me. Fun fact: in the previous annual report EBITDA is mentioned seven times, mostly around restaurant acquisitions and financing, not however as a profit indication for the group. In the new annual report, EBITDA is mentioned 28 times. Maybe it’s just me but belated Charlie Munger liked to call EBITDA: bullsh*t earnings. When in doubt I stick with Charlie. Interestingly, EBITDA for Vapiano keeps growing while operating and net profits keep falling.
Operating cashflow for the group that year is about 21 million euros, but capital expenditure is 30 million and acquisitions for subsidiaries another 20 million. To finance these expenditures another 28 million euros of debt and 16 million of equity is raised. Net debt rises above 130 million euro. The operating cashflow of the group before any capital expenditures is 21 million euros. I am not sure free cash flow would be significantly positive after maintenance capex is paid out; it’s not broken out so we can’t be sure. Granted, I am not on the ground during this time, and I am not in the board room, I am simply reading what’s in front of me, but to me this is starting to look like a distressed situation. Regardless, the following year the company goes public.

IPO

Where are now in the year 2017 and its Vapiano’s first year as public company. The company’s annual report reads the following “Sales revenue, like-for-like growth (LfL) and the earnings figures EBITDA and adjusted EBITDA are used as the most important financial performance indicators for controlling operational business activities.” The very same report however also says: “The majority of the group's investments regularly go towards opening new restaurant locations and modernizing existing restaurants. The latter are differentiated into regular replacement investments that occur during ongoing operations (Maintenance CAPEX) and fundamental investments in the renovation of a restaurant (Remodeling CAPEX). On average, a restaurant remodeling takes place nine years after opening.” It says it right there in their own report; every nine years a remodeling is taking place. Remodeling and updating is not cost free, so why exclude depreciation charges which reflect capital expenditures? I understand that perhaps you would want to strip out one-off opening costs, that’s fine and fair, but don’t go overboard.
The number of restaurants increases by 26 (previous year: 13) to a total of 205. The increase consists of 27 new openings and one closure. Group revenue grows to an astonishing 325 million euros but here comes the shocker, operating profits turn negative to 25 million. Fine, strip out foreign exchange losses of 3 million, IPO costs of 5.8 million and new opening costs of 6.1 million and you still have 10 million euros of operational losses. All the while the debt load of almost 130 million hasn’t materially changed, so those operating losses are before a six-million-euro interest payment. 184 million euros are raised through the IPO of which 85 million go to the company. This money is earmarked for further expansion as the group has ambitions to almost double the footprint to 330 restaurants by the end of 2020. The company is currently not profitable on an operating basis, and still wants to expand aggressively? I don’t get it. The remaining 100 million euros of the IPO money raised is distributed to co-founder Gregor Gerlach and Wella heirs Hans-Joachim and Gisa Sander. The family office of the former Tchibo owners Günter and Daniela Herz with a 44% stake, don’t sell a single share. After the IPO, 32% of all the company’s shares are now in free float.
One year later, in 2018, things get even worse. Revenue grows to 371 million, but operating losses mount to 85 million euros, that’s before interest expenses of 9 million. Even the beloved EBITDA figure turns negative, meaning the operating business before any expansionary or even maintenance capital expenditures is loss making. All regions are experiencing significant deterioration in their earnings profiles. Like for like sales are down 1% across the board. That’s revenue, not profitability. The question naturally arises: is the Group approaching its natural saturation point here or this operational by nature? The operating cash flow is now 9 million while financing cost are close to 7 million. That leaves 2 million for maintenance capital for 74 own restaurants and 76 joint ventures ones. Describing this as financially tight, would be an understatement.
Things are not looking good at this point. Yet the company still grows restaurants by 26 new sites. 64 million euros are spent on acquisitions, new openings, and maintenance costs, financed through a 20 million-euro equity raise and 72 million of new debt. The Company now has net debt outstanding of over 160 million euros. After the equity raise and by the end of the year 2018, Mayfair owns 47.4%, VAP Leipzig, Gregor Gerlach’s entity owns 18.9% and the Sander couple own 15.5% of the company. Yes, the Sanders and Gerlach may have taken 100 million euros off the table, but they still have substantial skin in the game. Plus, Mayfair hasn’t sold a single share and instead injects more money into the company through the equity round. The stock has now fallen from its IPO price of 23 euros per share to under 6 euros by the end of 2018. Something must be done here. And indeed, there is pivot in strategy and a hard push for change. At last, the management team abandons its aggressive growth plan and curtails new openings significantly. Additionally, the team wants to run a thorough analysis of weak locations to then either discontinue or sell sites. In Europe, the operating focus will be put on corporate restaurants and joint ventures in major cities to ensure the ideal size and location to match the respective demographic target group. Outside of Europe, the franchising business is being expanded and at the same time a consolidation of the existing corporate and joint venture markets is being sought. All future investments will be reviewed to achieve higher rates of returns on new openings. Investments are also being made in the renovation of older restaurants. The goal in the future is to also open smaller formats, like Mini-Vapianos (less than 400 square meters) or Freestander at prominent transportation hubs outside city centers (currently in Fürth and Toulouse) to cater to individual location requirements, and to enter new partnerships. I am not sure why management hasn’t stopped all expansion altogether, bringing the ship in order first, getting profitable, clean up, all hands-on deck before considering any further expansions whatsoever. But again, it’s easy to comment from the sidelines; maybe they saw white spaces that would be covered by competing concepts if they weren’t moving fast and aggressively enough. Although pushing internationally means competing with local players such as Jamie's Italian, Prezzo, Pizza Express, Wagamama, Nando's and many more which brings in its own dynamic.
Management also aims to enhance guest satisfaction. This involves refining operational processes, reorganizing the support center, and refocusing on the core offering: providing fresh and high-quality Italian food at affordable prices for a broad audience. The group also aims to reduce waiting times, especially during lunch, while also improving the evening atmosphere. There is even what I would call an evolution, away from Vapiano’s original concept, reorientating the customer journey. The ordering flow is being changed, offering guests synchronized preparations of all dishes while eliminating wait times at the cooking stations. The open show kitchen remains, staying true to original mantra of freshness and transparency but now guests can choose their preferred method of ordering through a mobile app, using a digital order point (kiosk), or by personally placing an order with a waiter. Guests can still freely choose their table and are then informed about the complete preparation of their order through a pager or their smartphone. This is a substantial deviation from the original concept, but a needed one. The group is also exploring and implementing the expansion of take-away and home delivery services but only at suitable locations, not universally across new openings. I am not sure why home delivery is even a priority here; it adds operational complexity. It’s better to clean up shop first and get back to the basics before adding new complexities. To be fair management does try to simplify. There are 49 different permanent dishes on the menu and additional 10 seasonal ones. Customers can choose from eleven different types of pasta. There is simply too much choice, and it makes orders complicated. The company announced to slim the menu down to its most popular and typical Vapiano dishes. There’s no need for an Asian salad at an Italian restaurant. "We have to go back to the roots, i.e. classic, honest Italian cuisine" says COO Everke. Regardless, in November of 2018, the supervisory board pulls the plug on CEO Jochen Halfmann and replaces him with Cornelius Everke. Everke himself has just become COO five months ago. Since 2017 he was responsible for international expansion. From 2011 to 2017 that role was filled by Mario Bauer – put a pin in that name, he’ll play a key role in the groups fate later. Then nine months later, in the middle of 2019, Cornelius Everke quits. He essentially concludes that his skillset and experience in the areas of internation expansion is no longer needed in the foreseeable future. To put it differently: Vapiano has moved from a growth story and has become a restructuring case, and other skills are required for that job. In June of 2019 Everke says the following “(we’ve) made a bit of a mistake when it came to foreign expansion”. No sh#t. Vapiano postpones the presentation of the 2018 annual financial statements three times in the spring of 2019, citing negotiations over an urgently needed loan of 30 million euros. It’s not until the end of May that a binding loan commitment comes through from the financing banks and major shareholders.
We are now in August of 2019 and the corona pandemic is just around the corner. Supervisory board chief Vanessa Hall takes over as interim-CEO and things are unravelling. Visitor numbers are declining; originally, it was planned to sell the US business but halfway through the year the buyer cannot come up with the money. But not all restaurants are performing poorly. The group's poor figures contrast starkly as an example with the experiences of the Swiss-German franchisee, who runs six restaurants. The Sodano family in Switzerland pays Vapiano a royalty of 6% of sales for the use of the brand. Enrico Sodano explains in an interview that they operate largely autonomously from the licensor. If an “accident” were to occur, he could immediately replace the Vapiano sign with Sodano, he says. The family concluded the rents and contracts with employees and suppliers independently. The Sodano family have six locations in Bern, Basel and Zurich, around one million guests every year and 350 employees. Things are going well on the ground. The delivery service they’ve built is offering them a second income stream. Expansion into Winterthur, St. Gallen and Lucerne are being planned; small locations with 150 to 250 square meters and an attached delivery service. Originally, Vapiano restaurants used to be huge but for such a large restaurant to be profitable, 800 to 1,000 guests per day are needed. That’s possible in medium-sized cities, but not in smaller towns which is why the Vapiano group now also supports smaller formats. Back to our corporate drama. The 2019 annual report would be the last report the group files. By the end 2019 the outstanding debt of the company is at an astronomical 450 million euros. Revenue has grown by another 7%, produced by four net new openings through two JVs and two franchise restaurants but operating losses come in at 317 million euros. That sound like an absolute shocker at first but depreciation and amortization charges are 345 million, so that operating cash flow is actually positive but unfortunately capital expenditures and interest payments are so large that they are eating up all of the company’s operating cash flow. Then in the beginning of 2020 Corona hits with full force and the world shuts down. As a result of the measures to prevent further spreading of the virus, the group is forced to cease all global business operations (except in Sweden). While all these shutdowns are happening, the group is the middle of negotiating with its lending banks and main shareholders. There are additional financing needs for restructuring measures, even without a pandemic happening in the background. The situation is so dire that the company starts pleading to the German government to roll out the package of financial help more quickly. Unfortunately, it’s to no end. The rapid closure of restaurants and the resulting lack of operating cash inflows in conjunction with the additional financing requirements, lead to the company’s final knockout punch. In April of 2020, the Vapiano group officially files for insolvency proceedings. The end of an era.

New Beginnings

Because of the pandemic, the majority of the group's subsidiaries in Austria, the Netherlands, Denmark, the United States, Sweden, and China also file for insolvency or seek liquidation. The US business never gets sold in the end and is wound down. In the summer of 2020, significant group divestments occur, including the sale of 75% shares in the group's French subsidiaries, shares in franchisor companies, Australian subsidiaries, German subsidiaries, associated companies, self-managed restaurants in Germany, and insolvency-related sales in the Netherlands, Great Britain, and Sweden. The buyer of the Vapiano brand and one of these bundles of Vapiano restaurants is company named Love & Food Restaurant Holding, a consortium led by Mario C. Bauer – a name I told you to remember. Bauer was a former Vapiano board member and led the national and international expansion, opening 200 sites in 33 countries from 2011 to 2017 until he was succeeded by Cornelius Everke. Bauer didn’t feel comfortable with the IPO at the time but clearly has a lot of managerial and entrepreneurial talent.
The buyer consortium is an absolute A-Team comprised of European QSR top league hitters, including the founder of the Pret A Manger chain Sinclair Beecham; Henry McGovern, the founder and Ex-CEO of the giant international restaurant and foodservice operator AmRest; the Van der Valk Family that runs hotels and Vapiano restaurants in the Netherlands, and co-founder and ex-CEO Gregor Gerlach. The acquisition value is 15 million euros and entails 30 Vapiano restaurants in Germany, albeit that’s just the purchase price which comes on top of any capital investment needed to refresh and return the sites to its former glory. Nevertheless, just as a thought experiment, if you can get each site to 2 million euros of revenue and 400,000 euros in operating profit on average, which wouldn’t be an overly aggressively assumption given the company’s history, you’ve got yourself a package that can deliver restaurant-level operating profits of 12 million euros or more. It’s not disclosed how much capex was needed to refresh the operations, just that fact that the overall investment plus purchase price was a middle double-digit million-euro figure. Stil, it probably was a decent purchase. The same consortium buys Vapiano’s French business for 25 million euros just two weeks prior. After the transaction concludes, the master franchise is given to Delf Neumann and his Gastro & Soul GmbH. Neumann is an experienced operator, and he is ambitious to revitalise the brand with new services and products. For example, instead of pizza, the restaurants will be serving pinsa - a flatbread made from sourdough, wheat and rice flour, topped similarly to a pizza. It targets a more health-oriented customer base looking for a less calory heavy option. The menu overall is expanded by including a variety of vegan and vegetarian dishes.
https://preview.redd.it/kpt7ea6red0d1.png?width=1242&format=png&auto=webp&s=c9930ced85ee364e9df414547cae06b47a03fc19
Today Neumann’s Gastro & Soul GmbH operates 18 Vapianos on its own account and has 29 franchise sites, amongst other brands. By the year 2021, Vapiano operates 191 restaurants in 34 countries. This is around 50 fewer sites than before the bankruptcy. The number of branches is particularly thinned out in Germany – from 80 to 55. Nevertheless, Vapiano's home country remains by far the largest market, followed by France with 35 restaurants and Austria with 15 locations. “We have shrunk ourselves to health,” says Bauer in the aftermath and there is no further shrinking planned. Quite the opposite, the smell of expansion is in the air again – pun intended. Not as aggressively as before and with a new menu and ordering process.
Overall, the team around Bauer is filled with industry experts with knowledge and networks gained over decades who have a great track record, a long-term view, and the staying power to let Vapiano breath and finds its way back to success. The pressure of being a public company with all the associated quarterly, half-year and yearly disincentives have been removed. The menu is changed and extended with new types of pasta and sauces with significantly more vegetarian and vegan dishes available. Guests can order with restaurant staff, at terminals or on their phones and there are barcodes attached to the tables identify the respective seat. The food is brought to your table, all at the same time if you are in a group, no more annoyances with waiting in line. There is a plan for smaller, 350 square meter locations, with half the number of guests and significantly fewer staff and less set-up costs required to make the economics work. Locations that capitalize on remote work and increased demand for local lunch options, higher population density with shorter delivery routes and therefore cost-effective in house delivery services are targeted. And Bauer is testing the concept of ghost kitchens, which operate without a dining room or service staff, focusing solely on preparing food for delivery services, which for obvious reasons have a very different operational set up and footprint. Original founder Mark Korzilius however is not entirely convinced. He is not a fan of the pinsa for instance and he considers Vapiano's pizza as its cash cow, flagship product and believes that the core Vapiano proposition of Pizza, Pasta, Bar that has given the company its original success is being diluted. He instead admires the competitor L'Osteria, saying they’ve done a better job by focusing on Italian classics, especially the impressively large pizzas that sticks out beyond the plate is leaving every customer in awe. The guys who run L’Osteria are the same guys who have built Vapiano with him in the first place. Bauer on the other hand, like a true business leader, remains undeterred, stating that he is frequently asked whether Vapiano's restart was bold or foolish. He believes in entrepreneurship, franchising, in his experienced fellow partners and importantly the Vapiano concept. By the year 2024 you can find over 140 Vapiano branded restaurant in 27 countries across the globe, including locations far away from its birthplace like Australia, USA, Columbia, Chile, Bahrain, and Saudi Arabia. And why not? Italian food is, and will remain to be, incredibly popular. Vapiano offers fresh and tasty food at affordable prices in a good atmosphere. This combination of attributes should attract a lot of customers. It certainly has in the past.
For more stories: WIP Thomas Weitzendoerfer Substack
submitted by Specialist_Bake6514 to unpackbusinesses [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:38 Yurii_S_Kh Radonitsa, the commemoration of the dead.

Radonitsa, the commemoration of the dead.
Christ is risen, dear friends! Today, May 14, is Radonitsa, the commemoration of the dead.
Today we served the Divine Liturgy and the Great Memorial Service for the departed, led by the rector, Fr. Andrey Pavlyuk.
https://preview.redd.it/rhfv954ded0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53532cc061d245fc2ce6f0949b65eefb65f943c6
On Easter and Holy Week, for the sake of the great joy of the Resurrection of Christ, funeral services are canceled in churches and there is no public commemoration of the deceased (the commemoration of the deceased at the proskomidia is always performed). In order that the faithful could share in the spiritual celebration of the Resurrection of the Lord, after the end of Holy Week, on Tuesday, the Church established a special day of commemoration of the deceased - Radonitsa.
https://preview.redd.it/yx8rt79eed0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9460ea6d45abc65634217b89c7971a3eafa3742e
Etymologically, the word “Radonitsa” comes from the word “joy”, and the special place of Radonitsa - right after the Bright Easter Week - calls to rejoice in the birth into another life - eternal life. The victory over death, won by the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ, displaces the sadness of temporary separation from loved ones, and that is why we, in the words of Metropolitan Anthony Surozhsky, “with faith, hope and Easter confidence stand at the tomb of the departed”. The commemoration of the departed reflects the belief that even after death they do not cease to be members of the Church founded on earth by the Lord Jesus Christ, who “is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living.”
https://preview.redd.it/ekozbb7fed0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aa16eda2c5b608e6835d555fd751473759a3a71f
Before going to the cemetery, one should visit the church, take communion and pray for the deceased at the liturgy and funeral service. Let us remember the history of the Kiev-Pechersk Lavra, when to the Easter greeting of St. Dionysius the holy fathers, who were reposing in the caves, answered: “Truly risen!” And we, coming with prayer to the cemetery, also can say to our departed: “Christ is risen!” To read the Easter canon, the verses of Easter at the grave. This is truly a spiritual joy that we share with the deceased.
https://preview.redd.it/51g7k7eged0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f8d795a326829d5915064d3b9cf66adfbd393e25
The current custom of visiting cemeteries on the very day of Easter is contrary to the statutes of the Church. If a person dies on Easter, he is buried according to a special Easter rite. Easter is a time of special and exceptional joy, a holiday of victory over death and over all sorrow and grief.
https://preview.redd.it/wowfkujhed0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1575ee524a5d445d72340784e2396cceb336fed0
A deliberate Easter commemoration of the deceased - “Radonitsa” - is not stipulated by either the Greek or Russian Church statutes, and it is performed in our country “according to pious custom”. Its appearance in the Russian liturgical tradition is apparently due to the fact that from the Monday after St. Thomas' Sunday the statute allows for the performance of rather modest requiem services - lithias. Therefore, in some regions Radonitsa was celebrated on Monday. Accordingly, only from this time the statute allows believers to come to the graves of their neighbors.
https://preview.redd.it/bim0eezied0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=577318f983433ac0a717b32290a185b25dd18657
The widespread custom of coming to the graves on the day of Easter or other major holidays with food and alcoholic beverages fundamentally contradicts Christian dogma and goes back to the pagan trisnas on the grave mounds.
https://preview.redd.it/diu1kamked0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=933ce76148b0cbd9653f7914109d325ef8a97c94
People loudly share with the deceased the glad tidings of Christ's resurrection. Probably, the name of the commemoration - “Radonitsa” - is also connected with this. (In some places this day is called by the Old Slavonic word “navii”, i.e. “day of the dead”.) “Unofficial” character of this commemoration is emphasized by the fact that the Church's statutes do not provide for special requiem apostolic and Gospel readings for the divine service.
https://preview.redd.it/sm3wnn9med0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=182217ba422e0235b426da138b45f0e16a7493c0
***
Dear brothers and sisters, today Church also commemorates the Saints:
Prophet Jeremiah (6th century B.C.);
St. Paphnutius of Borov, hegumen (1477);
the holy martyr Macarius, Metropolitan of Kiev (1497);
St. Gerasim of Bolda (1554);
St. Vata the Persian (IV);
Blessed Tamara, Queen of Georgia (1213);
Monks Euthymius of Athos (1814), Ignatius (1814) and Akakiy (1816);
Martyr Nina Kuznetsova (1938);
and celebrates the icons of the Theotokos of Andronikovo, “Joy Unexpected”, and Tsarevokokokokshaia (Myronosositskaya) (1647).
May God protect you! Many happy and blessed years to you! Christ is risen indeed!
https://preview.redd.it/di6op3qoed0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=30600ccd317596570e26b9610307f74d22825219
https://preview.redd.it/1e0ye3qoed0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7387af33729bdc1b44f18ddddaaed09565a85e57
https://preview.redd.it/qobnf3qoed0d1.jpg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3960e7b2cd67d4dd260cad1e47e8106a37c4806b
submitted by Yurii_S_Kh to SophiaWisdomOfGod [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:35 DirtZealousideal9270 AITAH for thinking of leaving my SO because she is not and does not have a plan to be financially independent?

Throwaway account.
My wife (31F) and I (35M) have been married for 4 years now. We both are from South East Asia who went through an arranged marriage. We met online about 5 years ago. At the time, I lived in North America and she lived in her home country. We chatted on the phone and spent significant time on calls to get to know each other, I even flew down for a few days to meet her the same year. We took some time to know each other and decided to get married about 7 to 8 months after our introduction.
About 2 months before my marriage, my parents pressured (a whole lot of family drama) me into moving back to my home country. They wanted me to spend some time(about 5 months) with them after our marriage as I was away from them for 5 years or so. Though I hated this whole situation, I headed to their request (regretfully so) and moved back to my country. As a retaliation my then soon to be wife quit her job. To this day she refuses to accept that it was a retaliation, instead she claims it was too difficult for her to juggle between work and giving attention to marriage preparations, so she quit her Job.
I had never wanted to live in my home country, never felt I belonged there. When I decided to move back to my country, I had prepared myself well to not take any support from my parents. So, I had applied for another visa, had planned & paid for our honeymoon, saved enough to survive about a year in my home country without a job and had enough money to move back once my new visa gets approved.
Her quitting the job before our marriage was her decision, and I understand to certain aspect. At the time she lived in a different city than mine and after marriage she wanted to find work in the city that I would end up residing in. Also, we had plans to move to North America after our wedding anyways, so this made sense at the time. We had agreed to do our individual visa's coz I didn’t want her to move countries on a dependent visa, just so that she does not lose her career growth or leave North America if we ever split. We both were supposed to apply for the visa before our marriage date, I applied mine 4 months before our marriage. She was still figuring it out until our wedding date. I got my visa a couple of weeks after our wedding, but she was not able to secure her visa as she couldn't score enough in her English proficiency (not because she lacks the skill, English is her native tongue and has a good hold on the language). I tried to give her time, motivation and any kind of financial support that she needs to clear all visa requirements. But it was too late. Pandemic hit, borders were shut, so were government offices. I moved out of my country 7 months after our marriage amid a lot of pandemic restrictions. My wife promised she would continue to pursue applying for the visa while I leave the country and establish myself again.
1 year later, still no progress in her visa application, no change in employment status. She was living with her parents, and passed all her leisurely expenses to me coz I was "her husband". My family is not the best to work with, so my wife kept blaming that my parents stressed her enough to not pursue her carrier nor focus on the visa application. In the meanwhile, I was supporting my family financially(I owe them funding my college education) and my wife coz she couldn't find a job during the pandemic, while I was surviving my temporary low income job. Surviving with just bare minimum and sending home literally every surplus I earned by picking extra shifts. Fine. Pandemic restrictions started to ease further about 1.5 - 2 years after our marriage. By this time, I had a good job, was earning well enough. I flew back to my country to register our marriage and start her visa application as my dependent. She knew it would be a while before she gets her visa because of the back log and she agreed to look for work until we unite again in North America. She kept saying she is applying without any positive result. After a lot of argument, she confessed she wasn't looking for jobs with complete focus.
In the meantime I am going back to my country every year until her dependency visa was processed just so that she does not get depressed because of the long distance relationship.
Finally after a lot of effort, my wife finally got her visa approved, and I immediately booked her flight so that this long distance ordeal might end. She landed in my city a year ago. She had promised to start looking for job right after she landed, especially picking up temporary jobs until she gets something in her field of education. She has been jobless for more than 3 years by now. We were in our honeymoon phase for about 4 - 5 months after she had moved in with me. She got a job at a grocery store, which she worked briefly (~3 months), and would always complain about pains, how horrible the job is compared to her job back home, how beneath her standards were mopping the floors.
She wanted our first anniversary together to be an overseas trip, so I booked a trip for which she was supposed to pitch in half using her pay from the temporary job. She was asked to leave the job a month before the trip and I took care of the expense, this was unplanned for me, so had to move money around to make this happen.
She just completed 1 year of stay about a month ago. This milestone has taken a toll on me. We had a very bad argument, during which she confessed she knew she needed to bridge her overseas education courses with a fresh course in the new country. Which is about 6 months long and costs lesser than our anniversary trip. She didn't want to ask me money for her education, coz she felt I have spent enough money on her? What? It goes beyond me why a person would think a trip is more important than an education that would put her back in the job market.
She loves me a lot, she takes care of me, she is affectionate for which I am grateful for her. But I very much feel my future is not going to be wise to me if I continue to live with her. Post our argument which was a month ago, I had walked her through a few things to get some fee waiver and asked her to find a temporary job to fund this education. I don't see any improvements and I strongly suspect she has already missed deadlines to do this bridging course from reputed universities. I do not want to wait to get disappointed at her again. Am I an asshole to think she should have been financially independent by now? Am I an asshole for asking her to pitch in on our anniversary trip? Am I an asshole for thinking that I should end this marriage and cancel her dependency visa? I feel I will be better off alone.
TLDR: My wife quit her job just before our marriage and has not worked a stable job in the last 5 years of our marriage. We are now in a new country and it doesn't look like she will be able to get a job in the near future without a bridging course which she has missed her deadline to apply.
submitted by DirtZealousideal9270 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:32 merabell91 Does it Get Easier?

I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
He crossed a boundary when we were intimate, and I could not say that I was uncomfortable, I froze. He felt terrible after, and was very embarrassed.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?
submitted by merabell91 to Christianity [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:30 PhilMaaccrackin Help with flare up, recently diagnosis

Diagnosed with IBD-U this year after 2 years of what could be called bad trips to the toilet.
Managed to get seen and now on mezavant XL which has worked amazing. Cal protectin down to 73 from the original 1300 without pains etc but still learning what foods agree with me.
How long on average would you say a food induced flare up is (i had wagyu steak for my birthday, not worth it) and have been on a flare up ever since which has been 2 weeks nearly. Upped my dosage back up-to 4.8g a day but wondering how long you guys suffer from a flare up as im new to being in medication etc.
submitted by PhilMaaccrackin to IBD [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:29 JujTheFrenchBaguette Losing weight with BED ?

Hey everyone !
I have always struggled with my weight and my body and had a crappy relationship with food since childhood. When I was a teenager I was always on diets and counted calories obsessively despite being at a healthy weight, just a little chubbier than my friends (around 60 kg/130 lbs, and I'm 1m62/5'4). It turned into what I think in retrospect was bulimia, where I would fast for 24 hours at a time, bingeing right afterwards. Then I got through a small bout of depression during the second lockdown in my country, during the fall of 2020, and since then... I don't compensate anymore, just binge several times a week. I'm now a not depressed 22 years old, but who weighs 93kg/200 lbs (so obese... :( ) and I really feel terrible about that. Apparently I have fatty liver. My doctor was really kind and patient with me, but told me now was the right time to lose weight. She also told me that I had to be careful doing that because of the disordered eating.
I already go to the gym 2/3 times a week, have a pilates class every week, and walk my 10k steps almost everyday (maybe 8k on average ? not counting the steps on the elliptical). The food is the main problem I guess, but if someone has good gym routines for weight loss, please share ! Of course I plan on going to therapy, but I'm currently living in a foreign country so I'd rather wait until July, when I'll be back in mine.
Any tips ?
submitted by JujTheFrenchBaguette to loseit [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:29 NoBarracuda2587 Chronicles of Silentverse: The Secret Files 3


Devouring Cancer

________________________________________________________________________________
Meat. /mi:t/
Me it. /mi/ /:t/
It me. /:t/ /mi/
It’s me…
We are eating ones of ourselves…
________________________________________________________________________________
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
/C̶̢͈̈̂͒̀̋̾̓͌Ô̶̻͉̠̱͈̳̮N̸̫̹̱̯̣̣̻̐̽͒̎̃̆̕͜Ǹ̴̛̛͙̫̇E̴͕̮̻͇̒͐̀C̶̳̤̠͔̺̚T̴̘̑̈́̂͛̂̏E̶̡̩̝̮͇̤̣̋̏͗D.
/Mellator Matrix Mind: Inner Core.
/Unit: great [AVALON] the first
/G.R. Era.
/Memory File transmission: Generalized perspective
/Gender: N/A[Neutral]
/Age: {Human equivalent: 2001 years}
/Race: Grrrr’atrrr
/Species: N/A[Hive Mind]
/ Additional verification: Class>>> [Cancer Cells]
/Cradle planet: Ci-3301
/Home planet origin: Mupan
/First person POV not applicable. Generalized Spectator mode.
/Sequence Code: 5-18-5-8 19-1-23 20-8-7-9-14-11-5-12-2-13-21-8
/Memory transmission in 3…2…1…
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

Hunger…
It’s all that drives us. It’s all that unites, connects us… All that pulls us, all that defines and binds us…
Our story began long ago. It all started with a single parasite cell. Not the greatest primordial ancestor indeed, but every Apex Predator started somewhere. But back to our history… That very first cell was our first grandmother, as well as the beginning of our entire civilization. Hard to tell what was the trigger for it’s evolutionary change, as time wipes all. Perhaps it was desire to become something better? Awakening? Or maybe just spontaneous mutation in one of the genome chains, occurring by changes in environment? It really doesn’t matter. All what matters is that that cell evolved…
It didn’t happened quickly of course. Our first grandmother was no different than an average cancer cell that is present in nearly every life form, even us. It just growed into one small neoplasm, or simply, a cancer tumor. But that tumor slowly made it’s way to the brain. We know that because that’s how we, as well as our ancestors, assimilated everything for millennia…
It is impossible to determine which one of the prey species was honored to become the meal of our first ancestor, but it was clear that that feast was something that never happened before. That tumor did not just sucked the nutrients dry till the brain dies from the protein starvation, taking the tumor along the way with it. No, that tumor assimilated it. And that tumor learned. Learned from it. And it saw the world for the first time.
Assimilation is not as easy as other inferior beings think. First, your cell needs to find the prey cell. Then it needs to envelop the cytoplasm of that cell to properly assimilate it. However, after assimilating the “Host”, your cells need to take properties of assimilated cells and even function for the prey organism for the time being so it won’t suspect anything. It is a long, tedious and fatiguing process. That’s why we just ambush other prey organisms, tear them apart, and devour them for protein supplies, to avoid all that bustling.
And say what, the prey doesn’t make it easier for us either. As our first ancestors quickly learned, prey can be sentient too. It is inferior, weak, pathetic… And yet it can create great weapons to stop us. For [decades] these beings create astonishing amount of that pesky, venomous and disgusting antibiotics and chemicals to kill our minds. For thousands of [years] they set our flesh on fire, making us scream as we die in agony cell by cell.
And yet we prevail. When they make those chemistry compounds they call “Cure”, we gain immunity to it. When they set our bodies ablaze, we spray them with our blood and teeth, making their bodies to slowly blister as we eat them inside out. When they close their doors on us, we use ventilations, slithering right above their heads or below their {feet}. When they use special protection suits, we just tear them apart. And when they completely quarantine themselves, thinking that they are safe, we pretend to be one of them, striking from behind…
What is the most amazing thing about this prey? Well, aside that their flesh is delicious… They are clever. And they know how to build stuff. Weapons, tools, technology… Everything to increase the odds of survivability and comfort of their pathetic kind. And by devouring their minds, we gain all this knowledge as well! We learned how to grow cattle to saturate our hunger, we learned how to create faster means of transportation that even the fastest members of our swarm can’t out-crawl with their appendages. And most importantly; we learned how to reach the skies…
Among the prey species that we feast upon, there was a special class, or caste, of highly educated specimens, who called themselves “scientists”. These specimens learned how to use metal, fuel, radiation, and other inedible and in some cases straight up harmful components of nature, and turned them into what they called “Spacecraft”. A special vehicle, capable of leaving the atmosphere of our planet. Something that sounded like fantasy, even for the boldest ones of us, who sometimes managed to grow wings and flew high in the sky. It was a fantasy until we consumed their heads and the knowledge they possessed along the way. From them we gained knowledge of the schematics of these space vessels, and most importantly; the schematics of FTL drives. Devices capable of traveling among the stars with “superluminal” speed. And so, after conquering and discovering each and every corner of our planet, we soared to the great unknown, right into the void…

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
/Transmission mode: Spectator. Centralized perspective.
/Subject: Verrruur. Grrrr’atrrr. Lead hive mind of the Hunter Fleets.
/Transmission in 3…2…1…
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
We flew among the stars in our glorious ships made out of strongest titanium fusions and covered in our eternal flesh. Yes, what wasn’t made out of the metal hulls and electronics, was made out of sheer muscles and flesh tissue. So many cells… So much nutrition… We could withstand decades without the food and still hunt like our greatest hunters back on Mupan(Apparently, that’s how prior sentient prey species happened to call our planet, and we didn’t really bother to rename it, as for us it was widely known as just plain“Ground, floor, or land”). Our strongest weapons, combined with our most dissolving acid spitters, made us the strongest and most feared hunters, “cementing” our history as the strongest Apex Predators in the galaxy! We defeated, devoured, and assimilated everything… It did not matter if our enemy was a leviathan, an enemy prey fleet, or even an entire planet. If it could be eaten, it was eaten…
Until it wasn’t…
On yet another great crusade in search of delicacy for our insatiable fleets, our sensors captured a strange, but nonetheless familiar signal. The impulse of FTL drive. We made a serious double, and even triple checking of our radars to avoid a major nutritional loss due to false readings. After our intels captured, properly verified, and confirmed the signal, our intercoms just exploded with thousands of jaws:
“Food?”
“Food…”
“ Food! FOOD!!! Food! Food! Delicious prey! Food! We shall… FEAST! Food! Yes!!! Food! FOOD!!! We haven’t ate for [Month]! At last… Some good food… Food! Juicy food… Flesh of prey…
Food! The succulent meat…”
Yes, we felt joy. And anticipation of hunting down these unknown but likely very delicious organisms. It was like opening the present. You don’t know what was inside these flying metal cans, but you sure know that it was likely to be something edible.
Oh, we never were so wrong in our glorious history.
We did not saw them at first, that’s how black and cloaked they were. When we finally identified our “prey” we saw it was a small cluster of black ellipsoids, just hovering there. They did not tried to contact us, like other naive prey organisms did. They were completely silent...
“We will smash you like the eggs you are!” we foolishly thought back then...
They slowly turned frontwards when we approached them. Their range was astonishing, picking our smallest drones instantly before they could even scream, like if they were the candles that these black horrors just blew out.
When we finally reached the required distance and fired our acid sacks and laser guns however, they were still there, not blowing up, retreating, or even moving an [inch]. Then we opened all the airlocks(if we weren’t already outside) and enveloped their ships in our mighty grip, not stopping to pour their shields with our acids and plasma. Usually, after a few unpleasant zaps of enemy shields, they just popped and the ships just were crack open like the [nuts].
But not them...
They did not crumble and exposed their hulls with screaming prey just getting sucked out in the vacuum as usual, no, instead they started to grow bright red. Redder than our flesh and blood…
And burned. Burned stronger and more painful than any flame. Our drones roared in pain but we couldn’t hear any of their songs of torture in this vacuum of silent space. Hundreds of megatons of our flesh clusters was just turned in ashes or were torn off and become drifted dead lumps of burnt meat. Our intercoms filled with screams of fear and agony, our minds losing their mass and density, turning into undeveloped children.
"Father? It hurts…” could be heard from countless drones. And any of them that tried to escape, were sniped with red beams of such accuracy, that our best spitters could only dream of. It didn’t last long when we were the only operating guide ship of entire Armada that was so ingloriously butchered. And then we felt the warmth…
No… NO!
All weapons of this black "eggs" were pointed at us, our last mind. The last memories flashed as we slowly were burned to death. The last though of our last tumor was the realization that there was someone stronger than us. Someone who cannot be eaten. The bigger Predator…
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
/Memory transmission File disconnected.
/Reason: Biological death of the Subject.
/Cause of death: Sterilization.
/End of data log.
/D̵̛̤̂͜I̵̢͎̬̍̄̂͌͋S̴̢̛̙͇̯̽̔̾́͝C̸̭͓̰̤͋͆́ͅÓ̴͖̜̯̻͂̃̉N̵̨̧̦͙̳̍̾̕N̴͙̬͓̽̃̂̇͂͝E̵̠̬̠͉͒C̵̢̛͚̪̭̭̼̿̎T̶̝̈́͋͘͜Ì̸̢̱̙̤̽͑̽̈́̍ͅŌ̵̗̬̑̍̽̒N̷͖͖̗̗͚͈͗͛...
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
submitted by NoBarracuda2587 to HFY [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:28 trufflzz google translating cookie clicker strategy

original: After completing all research upgrades and unlocking Elder Pledge, it is recommended for active players to use Elder Pledge to disable the Grandmapocalypse. This will bring back golden cookies, allowing players to perform combos. Idle players, on the other hand, should leave the Grandmapocalypse active. Idle players can benefit from wrinklers by leaving them for a long time and then popping them if one needs a large amount of cookies to make a big purchase. As wrinklers, when popped, give more cookies than they leeched, having all 10 wrinklers feeding on the Big Cookie results in a net CpS multiplier of 6x. While this is extremely powerful to idle players, this is not worth it for active players as having the Grandmapocalypse enabled makes combos much harder as wrath cookies spawn instead of golden cookies, outweighing the benefits that the Grandmapocalypse provides. (source: wiki FAQ page)
google translated a bunch of times: After all quests are updated and the main gateway is opened, players using the main gateway will be prompted to opt out. GrandMapocalypse also gives players golden cookies to collect. Unauthorized players should avoid them. The girl agrees. Passive players can use Vault to spend more time and open more cookies if they need to buy more. When the bone is broken, it gives the cookie more room to breathe. Eating a large cookie every 10 times increases CPS by 6 times, but is good for passive players. But it is not suitable for active players. It will be hard to watch because of the Grand Apocalypse event. Because a pie of pain is more impressive than a pie of gold. That's enough for the grandapocalypse.
google translated and lingojammed into shakespearean, pirate, yoda and uwu: Aft'w aww quests beest updat'd an' the main gateway beest hath opened, pwayeth'ws usin' the main gateway beest pwompt'd tuwu opt out. Pwayeth'ws gowden cookies tuwu cowwecteth gwandmapocawypse eke gives. Unauth'wiz'd pwayeth'ws shouwdst avoideth those fowk. The wass agwees. Twue those gents needeth tuwu buyeth m'we passive pwayeth'ws cawn useth vauwt tuwu spendeth m'we timeth an' ope m'we cookies if 't be. At which houw the bone beest bwoken, the cookie m'we cubicuwo tuwu bweatheth t gives. Eatin' a wawge cookie ev'wy 10 times incweases cps by 6 times, but beest jowwy f'w passive pwayeth'ws. But t beest nowt suitabwe f'w factious pwayeth'ws. T beest 'awd tuwu gaze because o' the gwand apocawypse nonce. Because a pie o' teen beest m'we impwessive than a pie o' gowd. Yond beest enow f'w the gwandapocawypse.
submitted by trufflzz to CookieClicker [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:28 Kinnporscheislife 26F Non pathologically enlarged cervical nodes and an oval shaped one measuring 9.5mm

It's been 3 months ever since I had an episode of my whole body aching especially my back pain which got really worse to the point I couldnt sleep from the pain and even sweated and had a mild fever 37.4 celcius that night. The whole body/bone pain has been going on for a few days prior to developing that fever for one day but I felt like I was going down with something. My neck has been bothering me for a while I dont cough but it felt sore inside/weird. I did a cbc everything normal, crp, esr normal, ANA normal, ca-125 normal, LDH normal, igA, Igg, Igm normal, ultrasound showed reactive nodes with a more prominent one in the right side of my neck which is palplatable and measured 9.5mm and was described as a hypoechoic oval shape (lymph node?) In the report. Chest x ray clear. A hematologist felt my nodes on my neck and then my groin ones which are pea sized but dismissed them. For the past months Ive been having muscle spasms and discomfort on my legs, and hands which comes and goes like the burning feeling in the inside of my throat. I also get pressure in the sides of my head and there are swollen occipital nodes that cause me discomfort too. It feels like my muscles are really tense. Also I have really weak muscles/tendons/hip flexors? In the side of my buttocks especially the left one which becomes more intense when I open that leg or rotate it inside. I also get some burning sensations spreading from my chest to stomach and sometimes I feel cold. I also get random pain on my jaw and under cheekbones. Most discomfort was noticed during the night or laying down. I still experience back/hip pain from time to time. Also my left ear is sensitive when I hear something loud or touch it it makes something like echo ear drum? Also been seen by an ENT doctor who said I was clear. Should I look into this further or could this be due to a virus after 3 months? Possibility for Sjogrens(mildly drymouth, also vagina with frequent candida infections, dry eyes and have always had problems with cavities, dry nose) or TMJ? 6months ago I also had a neck and brain MRI which showed back left bone spurs in A4-A6 level that could be pressuring the A6 root. I've also worried about lymphoma because I got some mild night sweats that could be connected to anxiety and nightmares, were not drenching and after xanax use they havent appeared for a few weeks. What has been constantly bothering me though is the lower back pain muscle spasms and that weird stiff feeling on the sides of my hips and that tendon/nerve/muscle stretching/spasm deep inside left buttock.
submitted by Kinnporscheislife to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:27 Flamewakerr To EA and whom it may concern, sincerely, from one of us

Hey everyone, amidst the thousands of rants, in light of Nick's movement, I think it's time for me to say something, maybe no one cares, I don't have a major platform to get my word out, but I still think that it's good to get these things out here and perhaps the best thing all of this can do is change the way we perceive the game as a player base. This will be long, so those of you willing to, bear with me.
Let me tell you something from a point of view of someone who loved the game for a long time. We're a bunch of very versatile people from all over the place and maybe it can also teach us a lesson or two. On one hand, you have kids who play it for the same reason I played it some good 15 years ago, and you've got us, the older players, who loved the game for what it was growing up because it was the best football themed game out there in many aspects, although FIFA entries weren't the only good thing about that era (shoutout to PES 2006 and 2010). It's a game that I used to enjoy because I love football as a sport, I used to play it basically on a professional level, this is the best "active" form for me to engage with the game. I'm probably too stupid for Football Manager though I believe it's only a matter of watchin a few videos to get into it and understand the in-depth mechanics. I always tried playing it and got lost in the menus within 5 minutes. But for what it's worth, I understood FIFA, I understood FUT and the shell of what it once was, the grind was fun to me, using players from past and present that I like, well, until it all got burned to the fucking ground within a year. I was never an Elite div or Rank 1 or even Rank 2 player. But I had certain results, I would get 9 to 11 wins most of the time and with enough free time I could always climb to atleast div 2 in Rivals. Sure, many of you are better and I realize that, but it's not about that. To me it was always about getting better at the game for myself, on my own terms, there would be some progression to it and getting better throughout the years always made me happy. Adult life is adult life and it's very individual, some of us have more free time on our hands, others don't. In my case, I barely have time to do my daily play matches, some SBCs and play Champs on the weekend because of work.
But the question is - how can I consistently enjoy the game if:
The whole situation is very stupid, because there is no viable alternative in terms of football games, and frankly, playing FIFA is a habit and something I've been doing for one half of my life. It's tough for me to get invested into an online competitive game, though I used to play League, Overwatch, stuff like that, but those games became shit over the years as well. That's why, though I'm only one of way too many, from my point of view, my actions bear some value, because as of today, I just don't want to feel like shit because of a game anymore atleast on a weekly basis. As things stand, dumping my time into this game is simply pointless. If I want to play Weekend League, I'll get shat on by the servers, or the gameplay will be horrendous and my cards will feel like freezers getting dragged across the pitch by a rope. Cards with great finishing, will feel like bronze cards, whatever. We're not supposed to get good rewards, and the game will call us out for being "bad" when we get DDAd. At this point, there is nothing positive about it. I will perhaps return for Futties, not that anyone cares, but building fun cards is kinda fun and good, so I'm looking forward to that. Otherwise, I will return only if all of this actually changes something. If the assholes from EA release a statement and actually change something, then I will return earlier, and even then, I'm not giving them a single euro this year. And maybe, for the first time in way too many years, I won't even preorder, maybe I'll play it later on, if it turns out to be better and different. Other than that... there's no point playing if the game is like this. I'm done with feeling negative emotions because of a game designed to gaslight and manipulate us into feeling like shit.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I just felt like I needed to tell someone.
submitted by Flamewakerr to fut [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:27 Similar_Ad1646 I’m having my second lap tomorrow

Hi guys I just feel as if I need to vent for a moment,
I am going in for my second ever laparoscopy tomorrow as for the past week and a bit I have been having intense pains with nothing helping it. I am worried that nothing is going to turn up during my surgery and leave me feeling stupid that I’m even getting it. Even though my gynaecologist said that when I was 19 it was very abnormally large for my age back then.
I also had to go to the hospital a month ago due to the same pain. I have an IUD in place as well and have had it for 3 years, and I asked the doctors whether it could be possibly dislodged yet they said I wasn’t in enough pain for it to be? Even though nothing was helping and I was guarding my pelvic area in pain.
I don’t know I am just worried that I am going to look/feel stupid if nothing appears and that this was just nothing.
Thank you
submitted by Similar_Ad1646 to endometriosis [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:26 g_oldfinch Incurable root cause

Does anyone know/has experience if it's possible to cure SIBO if root cause is not treatable?
I have redundant colon causing constipation causing SIBO. Been on meds: antibiotic, probiotics, senna and alverine. Felt not great but much better for a month. But I can't fully evacuate without senna and it hurts again. Even when I do, I'm in pain without alverine. And I feel like I'm relapsing with gas coming back.
I don't qualify for surgery because laxatives still work for me.
submitted by g_oldfinch to SIBO [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:24 Jellyybeannn Supporting BF M/22 Through Loss - How Can I Address My Feelings of Neglect? Seeking Advice F/22

Hey there,
I hope you're all doing well. I'm reaching out for some advice and support, particularly from fellow females, regarding a challenging situation in my relationship.
My boyfriend and I are both in our early twenties, and we've been together for almost a year now. Our relationship has always been incredibly special to me - we've built a strong foundation of trust, communication, and love. We've always been there for each other, respecting boundaries and caring deeply about one another's well-being.
Recently, a month ago, my boyfriend's mom passed away, leaving him with the profound loss of both his parents. It's been an incredibly tough time for him, and understandably, he's been struggling. I've been doing everything I can to support him through this heartbreaking time. Whether it's suggesting outings with his friends to distract him, or taking him out, cooking his favorite meals, or just being there to listen when he needs to talk, I've been trying my best to ensure he feels loved and cared for. Additionally, we both have similar work, so I help him out with his work stuff so he could slack off and do other things he likes doing, like playing video games.
However, amidst all of this, I've found myself feeling a bit forgotten. Our time together has decreased significantly, and the energy and passion in our conversations seem to have shifted. I understand that grief can be all-consuming, and I empathize with the immense pain he's going through. But despite knowing all of this logically, I can't shake this feeling of loneliness and disconnect.
It's not that I doubt his love for me - he's reassured me countless times that he loves me just as much as he always has. But it's hard not to feel like I'm drifting away from him, like I'm somehow slipping through the cracks of his grief. I miss the closeness we used to share, and it's been weighing heavily on my heart.
I'll give you an example. We don't live together, so whenever we meet, on our way back, he'd text me a lot of cute stuff, including how pretty I looked and how lucky he is to have me, and just stuff like that. And he has stopped doing that, and my mind can't help but overthink that something's wrong with our relationship or that he doesn't love me anymore.
To add to this, a recent incident really threw me off. My boyfriend cracked a joke, and I told him it was uncool and made me feel weird. He got mad at me and said he'd stop cracking jokes altogether. I feel like I can't say anything or do anything without walking on eggshells. We used to communicate openly about things, even the little stuff, and about my mental health. But now, he just makes me feel bad for expressing my emotions, and I can't help but feel like he resents me.
I want to support him through this challenging time, but I also don't want to neglect my own emotional needs in the process. I'm struggling to find the balance between being there for him and taking care of myself, and I'm not sure how to navigate this delicate situation without adding more stress to his already heavy load.
If any of you have been through similar experiences or have any advice on how to cope with these feelings of loneliness, disconnect, and walking on eggshells while supporting a grieving partner, I would deeply appreciate your insights.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this and for any support or guidance you can offer.
TL;DR: My boyfriend (22M) lost a parent recently, and I've (22F) been doing everything to support him. However, I feel neglected and disconnected in our relationship as he grieves. A recent incident where he got mad over a joke has made me feel like I'm walking on eggshells. How can I support him while addressing my own emotional needs?
submitted by Jellyybeannn to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:24 OutThere_2044 My town's pine forest has a secret... [Part 1]

I ended up buying a house at the edge of this town.... before i knew all the bullshit that was goin' on around here. Got bored and went down to the local sheriff Jack and asked about an opening, Didn't even fill out an application, got the job on the spot. For the first few months it was the usual, speeding tickets, drunk and disorderly, normal shit right? Well... let the fuckery commence....
I had been a deputy for 7 months when one of the local farmers called in and reported he had some animals killed last night and wanted someone to come out to his house. John Nixon was a 60 year old farmer who lived by himself. His wife passed away years ago, but he never remarried and they never had kids. We met one day at the local tackle shop. Me being new in town, he took me to some of the good fishin' spots. The man was a huge military history buff and would always ask about my time in. I thought I knew him personally, so i took the call.
As I rolled up to the gate on his property, I saw John standing at the gate with a shotgun. " Hey john, can I ask why you are standing there with that cannon in your hands?" No response, he just stared at me. "John! put that damn shotgun down!!" I yelled. Its like he snapped to out of a trance. "Mason, i need you to come round the back side of the house to the barn, now!" he snapped.
"OK, OK, let me get outta the car and grab some gear." I said opening the car door. While i was grabbing my gear, John was standing there with his eyes scanning the tree line. "Come on mason! you need to see this!" He said heading towards the back. I closed the trunk and started walking over in his direction.
"So what the hell is going on that's got you walking around here with that damn bazooka?" No response, he just keeps walking and scanning the tree line. We finally got to the back of his house where the barn is. It looked like a horror movie in that pen.
"What the fuck happened here!?!" I said covering my mouth. There were pieces of chickens and goats everywhere, a few pigs looked like they had been filleted. "Its back mason, after all these years" John mumbled. "John what the hell are you talking about? what did this?" I asked.
John took his eyes off the tree line and looked me dead in the face. "Your not from here so you dont know." "Know what man? what are you saying?" I asked getting annoyed now. "Years ago this same thing happened to a few guys I know. All of their livestock had been killed. Not killed and eatin', just killed. It got people 'round here up in arms. Well, a few of us got together and decieded we were gonna look for whatever did it" he said. "What the hell are you telling me john?" I interrupted. "There were four of us. We were young, thought we were bullet proof. We went out into the woods one morning, determined to find the damn thing that had been killing our animals.
Tommy was the first to say something. "Hey, did you guys hear that?". The rest of us didnt hear a thing, so we kept moving. We got about three miles deep into the old pine forest at the edge of town. Will was the next to say something, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" he yelled out while looking down at the mud. We ran over to where he was standing to find him wide eyed. "I dont know what the actual fuck did this, but we..we need to go and I mean right fucking now!!!" he said pointing. This track was huge, at least 14 inches long with huge claws. Gerald spoke up "Let's fuckin' go guys!!".
We started back tracking out of the area, when we were stopped cold in our tracks, we all heard it this time. It was coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same damn time. A sickening, shrieking laugh was coming from all around us. We panicked and starting runnin'. As soon as we did that, whatever was making that noise centered as if right behind us, and it was coming fast, ungodly fast" John said eyeing the remains of a chicken that was torn apart.
"We were about a mile from the trucks when I heard a thud and a scream, when i looked back Gerald wasn't there. Will and tommy were right behind me, terror all over their faces. Tommy pulled his pistol and started shooting backwards. Only one shot rang out before something tackled him and Will. I stopped, raising my rifle, but they had already been torn apart. It was seconds, and they were in shreds" John said.
"Mason, what i saw standing over their shredded bodies has haunted me since then. The fucking thing was nine feet tall, shaped like a man, but not. Its skin, or or scales was a mixture of black and grey and it looked slimy. It looked like a damn bodybuilder with hugh claw like hands. Its head was massive, with what looked like horns coming from the jaw to around the chin. Its eyes, glowed bright green in the middle of the fucking day, and it had a mouth full of fucked up jagged teeth." He said lowering his head.
"I jus.. just stood there, waitng for my turn. This thing paced back and fourth, staring at me, with this creepy damn smile. It looked down at Will and Tommy, then it looked back up at me. My heart almost stopped when it pointed and shook its head at me. It started making that shrieking laugh as it grabbed what was left of my friends in each giant claw and walked off into the woods, still fucking laughing. I fell to my knees as it vanished into the trees."
I stood there, thinking he lost his damn mind. John had stopped talking, he had this way off look in his eyes. "John..., john.., JOHN!!" his eyes snapped back to mine. "So what are you telling me? A nine foot creature with claws killed your friends and animals?!" I half mocked. "Yea.... thats what i'm telling you. Its back for me, i know it." "What makes you think it was this thing you say killed your friends? It could have been coyotes" I asked " I know mason, i heard that same horrible shrieking laugh in the woods behind the barn last night."
Now I’ve heard some real bullshit in my time, especially during my time in the contracting field... But this was the most out there shit I had ever heard.
"Alright, alright... let's just take a big ass step backwards. I need to wrap my head around all of this." I said takin a deep breath. John laid the shotgun down to his side. "I'm telling you the truth mason. i'm too old and tired to lie about shit" he said shrugging. I looked deep into this man’s eyes. When I did, I saw something that told me this was the absolute truth as he knew it. " You haven’t given me any reason to doubt you... but fuck man... this is hard to swallow. I need proof John, that's the way this works." A look of frustration washed over his weathered face.
"Proof?! you want proof huh? follow me" John groaned.
He started walking towards the tress behind the barn. As we got closer to the trees, I started to smell rusty copper. Blood I thought out loud. John raised his shotgun as we walked closer. That damn gun had to be illegal, but this wasn’t the time for that. Him raising that gun made me a lil' uneasy, so I pulled my Glock 9mm out and flipped the safety off.
John owned about 90 acres, most of it unkept. A lot of the land was behind the barn which butted up to a state forest. We took about 12 steps into the wood line when the smell of death hit me like a brick. "I'm taking you to where I heard the noise coming from last night... your PROOF is out there Mason" He said with a slight edge to it.
We walked almost a hundred yards into the woods when john stopped in front of a tree. It looked twisted and warped all the way to its top. I stepped around John and saw huge claw marks cut deep all the way around the base of the tree, it's hard to even call it that. "What the hell is this?" I said looking up. "This is a marker, it's territory starts here" John replied. I looked at john like he was crazy, which at this point I thought he was. "This thing travels throughout these woods. I've found five more of these trees in our town" he said putting a hand on the tree.
"This isn’t telling me anything John, just that you've got a weird ass tree on your property" I said back to him. "Do you hear that?" So we could move this mess forward, I stopped talking and just listened. I hadn't noticed that during our walk into the woods it had got quiet, and I mean not one sound. " What the hell? where did all the animals go?" I asked looking around. "They're scared mason... you should be too. Let's get back to the house."
We turned and started making our way out of the woods. We were damn near the tree line when I heard a snap. I turned around, gun raised to see a black streak dart back deeper into the woods. "What the fuck was that?!" All John said was "we need to leave, now!" We turned and started sprinting the rest of the way out of the woods. I was surprised at how fast john was for an old man. We got all the way back to my patrol car. "I don't know what that was, but I don't think you should stay here tonight John. Pack some stuff and come to my place" I said pointing my gun at the trees. John just let out a sigh as if frustrated and defeated.
"You weren't listenin'. The pine forest, these trees, it’s all connected. I’m talkin’ bout before this area was even inhabited by native peoples. This fucking thing has been around for a very long time. I have been looking into this since that day, I had to find out what it was and if it can be killed" he tried to explain. The whole time john was talking I had my eyes and weapon pointed at the trees. " You can put that down mason, it just wanted you to know it's here" He said.
"John, I to need process this shit. I've never seen or heard anything like this and to be straight with you, I’m at a loss right now" I said opening the trunk. "I get it, I get it. The sheriff jack was a deputy back then. When you see him... tell him I said the dark is here..." And with that, he just turned his back and walked back into his house not saying another word.
I got back in the car and sat there. Looking at the treeline. After a few minutes I went back to the station. I must've walked in with that universal what the fuck look on my face, because Cathy the clerk asked what was wrong with me. I told her I was fine and asked if she had seen the sheriff? "Yeah, he is in the gun cage. Are you sure you’re ok Mason?" She asked again.
"Yeah, I'm good, just need to talk to Jack." I started walking towards the back of the building, when Jack came around the corner. "Hey mason, what's up?" he says walking up to me. "I just got back from John's house." The look on his face completely changed. "He had a bunch of animals killed last night. It looked like a slaughterhouse. He told me to tell you the dark was back?" I told him noticing his reaction.
Jack stiffened up and not saying a word gestured for me to follow him towards the back security door. We headed towards the back and out the door. Jack had stopped to make sure the door was secure then pointed at his truck and said "get in."
After getting in he looked over "I need some coffee" then started the truck up and headed west out of the parking lot towards the coffee shop. He ordered a large black coffee with extra sugar then asked if I wanted one. "I'll take a small black, no sugar." We pulled out and headed east back past the station. We ended up driving towards the edge of the county. "What's going on and why are we heading way the hell out here?" I looked at jack and said.
Jack just took a long sip of his coffee then placed it back in the holder.
After a long breath "You want some answers about what happened at Johns' house... I’m sure he told you about a few other things about this town... well we're gonna go get you some answers" He said looking at a black sedan passing in the opposite direction. "Aight so, like you mason, I’m not from here either. I was a trooper in New York for a few years before I came down here. I resigned after a call to an old couple’s house" He said reaching for his cup. "My partner Jake and I responded to what was thought to be an animal attack. We were the first on the scene, having been a couple miles away lookin' for speeders.
When we rolled up an older woman came running over to the cruiser. She had a panicked look on her face and just kept repeating "they're dead, they're dead!!" We hopped out and sat her in the back of the car then asked what happened. "I...I... came over to talk to gloria and... and I saw the door open. I walked in yelling her and Alan’s name, but they didn't answer... I found them upstairs... it's horrible!!" She said sobbing. Jake and I drew our weapons and started making the move inside. Like the witness said the front door was open, so we moved in. It smelled like sulfur and blood when we entered. We started clearing rooms. The first floor was clear, so we made our way up the steps.
The smell was overpowering now. We cleared the bathroom, and the two smaller rooms were clear also. The door to the master bedroom was slightly opened. I motioned to Jake and we hit the door.... it looked like some movie shit!! I kid you not. Jake turned and went back into the hallway and threw up. I stepped into the room and... listen I had never seen anything like this before" Jack stammered out.
"These two people were in shreds on the bed, they're insides had been yanked out and thrown around the fucking room. After looking at the bodies I noticed these huge claw marks in the wall, I’m talking if Andre the giant had had a Krueger glove. I stepped back out of the room and radioed to dispatch that we needed more units. I walked back to the front door where Jake was standing hunched over looking out of it.
Parked outside were 3 black SUVs and a black sedan. I counted 11 men dressed in black tactical military gear, some with a type of rifle I had never seen before, but you could tell it was large caliber. The rest with SMG weapons. When i looked over towards the patrol car, one of the men had the door opened and was talking to the witness. He saw us and started our way. He was dressed in all black too and carried what looked like a desert eagle in a chest holster.
When he got closer I got a better look at him. He looked to be in his late 40's with salt and pepper colored hair and a big ass scar that ran down the right side of his face. He got about ten feet from the steps "We appreciate the assistance, but you are no longer needed" He said in deep voice. As he is saying this, one of the other guys escorts the witness out of our car and into the back of that sedan.
The guy started walking away from us "Who are you? and what the fuck is going on?" I yelled at him. He turned with a look on his face that you only see in movies then took a few steps towards us. "Your command has been informed and you are to leave now!" He said raising his hand up towards that holstered pistol. Jake looked at me and shook his head "fuck it, let's go, let them deal with that mess upstairs" he said still coughing then started heading towards the car. I followed him down the steps... looking this guy up and down, checking out the vehicles... for anything that might tell me who we were dealing with.
The only thing I saw was on the assholes uniform... there was a patch on his shoulder. It was an all-black diamond with a weird looking black M in the middle on it. The guy stared us down until we were in the car driving away. He had that pistol in his hand and the other men starting moving into the house. Jake and I didn’t say a word until the radio squawked and we were told to head back to the barracks.
When we got there, we were told to report to the troop commander’s office. Commander Thompson was sitting in his office along with a man in a nice 2-piece suit. The man in the suit stood there quietly while Thompson told us that we never responded to any call out to that farmhouse, and that this was the first and only time he would say it. With that, he dismissed us and and we walked out. The shit didn’t sit well with me, and I ended up resigning a few months later.
I came down here and then that shit in the woods happened. I was on the scene, I saw the claw marks. They looked just like the ones in New York, and the same damn trucks showed up with different personnel. I knew just to shut up and walk away, and after making that choice I have had a pretty good career here." he finished grabbing his cup out of the holder.
My brain was in overdrive. I was just about to completely question bomb jack when he said, "We're here." He pulled off onto this overgrown driveway and drove for about a quarter mile. We pulled up to an old two-story house that looked like it was in ruins... but the lights were on. "Where the hell are we?" I asked As the last word of that question left my mouth, the front door of the house opened... standing in the doorway was a old man, dressed in weathered black clothing. Jack leaned over to me "You wanted answers... well.... there they are."
submitted by OutThere_2044 to libraryofshadows [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:23 Hot-Contribution2122 Still obsessed with LO for over a year after confession + no contact

First time poster and long-time limerent here.
I'm honestly just having a hard time understanding how the hell this thing persists.
I want to say it was about two years ago when I (18M) first became attracted to someone (19-20M, not sure atp) in one of my high school classes. He was in the grade above me at the time (graduated now). At first it was just a simple little crush, until my friends started hyping me up ("you should totally make your move!", "he could be bi!") etc; I was stupid to believe any of that, but friends will be friends and I'm sure they were just trying to help. Anyway, that's when the fantasies started. You know, the idealizations and the "what if" scenarios playing in your head constantly. The feelings only got worse from there, and it got to the point where my main motivation for going to school every day was to see him.
Honestly, I can count on my fingers the number of total interactions I've had with this guy, yet for some reason I felt like floating on air every time I even made eye contact with him across the classroom. I remember one time being assigned to his group for a project and feeling like I had just won the lottery. I didn't know exactly what my feelings were or why I had them, but I knew that sitting around and pining wouldn't get me very far. Eventually, I realized that graduation was lingering and that after that, I would probably never see him again. So I decided I would tell him my feelings, and I knew exactly when I would do it: the two of us would be going on a school music trip, and we happened to be put in the same hotel room. I told myself that I would tell him on the last night of our trip, and though I nearly chickened out, I did it. I told him, and got the response that I was both expecting and silently dreading.
He was honestly as chill and respectful about it as anyone could be, really. He told me that he understood my feelings and that I couldn't control them but, as I expected, he wasn't gay. He even said that this situation did not have to make things awkward between us at school. We both even laughed about it a little bit. In the moment, I was exhilarated that I had finally done it. I had gotten my feelings off my chest, excited that I had gotten closure and could move on, or so I thought.
It wasn't until the next morning at home, when I tried to get out of bed, that reality hit me. Suddenly, that motivation I talked about before was gone, with nothing to take its place. It was as if the weight I felt lift off my chest when I confessed to LO had been replaced with an even heavier one. It took every ounce of my strength to drag myself out of bed and into school that morning.
That trip was a year and two months ago. I kept seeing him in class every day, casting small glances at him with every chance I got. Before I confessed, I was attached and hopeful. After, I was still attached and just...empty. A few months later, he graduated, and I haven't talked to him since. I haven't told many people this, but he still occupies my mind every single day, as does the memory of my confession. I can't look at any pictures of him or hear people talk about him without getting sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's because I still feel something for him, if I'm embarrassed about how I confessed (I said the big "ILY;" was VERY anxious in the moment and didn't know what else to say), or if I'm still subconsciously hoping for something to happen, or if I'm scared of seeing him again because he stayed home and didn't go to college, or something else. What I do know is that I don't think I loved this boy, as I didn't really know him enough. That's something he suggested when I confessed, actually, and I've realized that it's true.
It's been a year since I last saw him, and now my own graduation is nearing. My life couldn't be going better: I have good grades, a great group of friends, and I'll be attending the college of my dreams next year. Yet, after all of those joys and triumphs, my mind always finds its way back to him, every interaction we've ever had replaying in my head like a broken record, and this odd, ever-lasting pain just gnawing away at me.
I guess I just hope to God that I'll meet the person who's meant for me when I go to college. Even if I don't, I just want the pain to stop. It's not debilitating, but it's there, and it's awful. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Sorry for the long post. Needed it off my shoulders.
submitted by Hot-Contribution2122 to limerence [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:22 versethewrld but what if it was my fault

I don’t know if my experience is justifiable because I feel like it was my own fault for putting myself in that position. For nearly a year I kind of just ignored everything about it and “dealt” but not really because the feelings are resurfacing and I’m dreaming about it again. I’ve struggled a lot with my mental health over the years and I’ve become avoidant and I tend to suppress traumas and invalidate my pain. And I’m sorry, this is going to be long.
There was a guy that I was dating and I want to say he was the love of my life. We had been close friends for 3 years and made it official around May last year. In July there was a huge house party my girl friends and I were going to. We had been planning to go for weeks and I had told my boyfriend about it. My friends had said they hadn’t seen much of me since I became a girlfriend and I felt bad about this. My ex randomly texts me and asks me if I’m going to said party, I tell him yes and he says he can get me and my friends free drinks. I tell him I have a bf and he seemingly respects this but says the drinks are up for grabs. I tell my friends and they are more than eager, and one of them tells me she prefers my ex to my current bf and that I should flirt with him too. About a day before the party, my bf tells me he’s going to the party too. I got upset about it because it was supposed to be time I spent with my friends and it’s not like I can ignore him if he’s there. I tell him I don’t want him to go in a joking manner and I don’t say, but why we both end up going to the party. At the party my ex sees me and calls me over. We make a bit of small talk, and says whenever me or my friends want a drink we should find him. We ended up drinking quite a lot that night and my ex kept getting us drinks. At some point he gets tired of the back and forth and shows me where I can get drinks from myself and it’s in this room.
(I’m new to Reddit so I don’t know if I should put a tw, but tw) While he’s opening the drinks and finding a cup I sit on the bed and lie back because sitting up was too much effort. I tell him I got a new belly piercing to fill the silence and he asks to see. I was being a bit flirty and I was teasing and said no, but he kept saying please and whatnot and says he won’t let me leave if I don’t show him. Now he’s standing over me and I’m feeling uncomfortable. I say I should go but he says I should wait and he’s pulling my dress up to see. Then he says it’s nice and starts going on about how he misses me and starts touching me and that my bf won’t know. At this point idk what to do because he’s not listening to me so I just let him do what he does and wait it out. When he’s done he goes to the bathroom and comes back with a bunch of tissues and throws them onto me then leaves back to the party.
I got up feeling sobered up but really I was telling myself what happened wasn’t real. I clean myself up and go back to the party. My boyfriend finds me and says he’d been looking for me and I say I was with my friends but he said he was with my friends. I know he is suspicious but doesn’t say anything. He knows of my ex because he’s the guy I lost my virginity to (and every time we’ve slept together I have never been sober. Which looking back was very problematic actually.) my bf and ex even greeted each other some time earlier in the night. I never said anything about it to anyone but the next day my friend said she and my bf noticed me missing at the party and were looking for me. This is the same friend who prefers my ex. She then "made the connection" because I had said I was getting drinks from my ex and said she covered for me bc she thought it was something I had intended on doing but I didn't correct her because I was scared and didn't want to face the reality of what I had experienced. A while after my bf and I decided to be friends again for the time being but still spoke every day. I thought about telling him what had happened that night but I was scared it would change how he saw me.
I ended up cutting off my friend because she just wasn't really a good person and our values didn't align and a whole lot of other things and she wasn't too happy about it. Fast forward like 6 months my bf and now ex-friend meet at a party and I'm guessing spitefully she told him what "I had done" all those months ago. He called me to ask if it was true and I didn't have it in me to tell him what actually happened so I said yes and he cut me off and blocked me everywhere because I lied to him about it. I don't know what to do because I love him so much but this part of me feels too painful to share. He thinks I'm a cheater now but I feel like it’s too late to explain because he said he wants nothing to do with me.
I regret not saying anything but I also feel like it’s my fault because why was I even entertaining my ex and accepting things from him? Why did I go to a room and flirtatiously tell him I have a belly piercing? I thought I was getting over it all but now I’m just angry at myself and I think I blame myself because the idea of being a victim has never sat well with me. There’s a lot messed up with that I know. But anyways that’s me. I’m not even sure if this is supposed to be under this specific thread. If it’s not I’m sorry.
submitted by versethewrld to assaultsurvivors [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:21 LadyDairhean Generations

The Great Depression had a significant and lasting impact on society, especially in the Dust Bowl states. Oklahoma suffered the worst and is still suffering from its effects. The stock market crashed in 1929. This was 11 years after the end of WWI when a lot of working age men were killed. My father was 19 years old. Children age 4 and older had to go to work in the fields harvesting and hoeing weeds. My maternal grandmother who was born in 1932 cut broomcorn and picked cotton by hand. The International Harvester for cotton was invented in 1940, but only came into widespread use by 1970. The broomcorn industry died out in 1980. Older boys age 11 and up went to work in sawmills and the trades. Watch the movie Walk the Line. Johnny Cash’s older brother of 14 was almost cut vertically in half when he slipped and was cut through the sternum by a large saw blade. Can you imagine being that young and handling dangerous machinery with no safety equipment? Safety equipment didn’t exist back then and neither did child labor laws. Those old Boomer children worked just as hard as adults to help feed their families. They were punished for playing. They had to suck it up and endure extreme hardship just to eat and they ate very little. Everyone was starving and filthy. There was as no indoor plumbing, no electricity and no air conditioning. I watched my grandmother work from sun up to exhaustion and she slept in her clothes. When she died, her bra strap hooks were rusted from sweat because she never removed it, meaning she hadn’t bathed in decades. She was 4-8” and wore a child size medium. She was conditioned to hard work and starvation. She and her family including my mother never overcame the effects of the Depression. She was functionally illiterate despite graduating high school in 1948.
Education stopped at third-fourth grade for the average child because parents were extremely poor and couldn’t afford to pay for schooling. School was different then. Teachers lived in a teacherage provided by the school district and earned a living stipend from the state to teach grades 1-4 how to read, write, sign their names, cipher, count money and read a watch. That was the extent of free education. Advanced learning after 4rth grade was taught by subscription very similar to private tutoring. Grades 5-7 were called grade school. Grades 7-12 were called high school. They didn’t have Junior High.
In 1935, the Second New Deal created the Works Progress / Projects Administration (WPA) to help people recover from the Depression. A lot of new schools were built during this period. Schools were funded with a combination of state aid and a tax levy called a mill collected from every resident in a school district. When Boomers say they shouldn’t have to pay a school tax because they don’t have children in school, this is what they’re referring to. They had the right to vote against a tax levy. These days, we call them temporary sales tax increases to fund things like new gym equipment. Everyone inside the school district votes on the increase and everyone inside and outside the district has to pay the sales tax if they shop at a store in the district. These no-voters will shop outside the district if the tax increase passes.
Fast forward to WWII (1939-1945) and the Korean War (1950-1953) and we see a significant decrease in school attendance that results in the closure of many rural schools. Many of this second generation of Boomers grew up in boarding schools and orphanages because their mothers couldn’t afford to feed them. This period resulted in a high population of youth being institutionalized. One of my grandmother’s sisters was raped by her uncle at age 14 and was sent to an asylum for the mentally ill. My mother (born 1952) and her sisters were taken by DHS (called CPS today) and sent to a girl’s state school after their father died of cirrhosis at the age of 42. He was a bootlegger who literally drank himself to death. Prohibition (1920-1933) was another result of the Depression. It lasted until 1952 in Oklahoma. Forced sterilization in mental institutions was outlawed in 1951 for the sake of medical study. The practice began in 1931 because the state believed that mental illness/retardation was genetic and caused by incest/inbreeding. It runs in my mother’s family so I can confirm the state was right. Mutations in the brain can be passed from mother to child.
The third generation of Boomers was born during the Vietnam War (1955-1975). I was born in 1973, so I’m technically Gen X with Boomer influences but not to the point that I’m a raging psycho. I consider those born in the 60s to be the third Boomer generation. My town lost its high school in 1968 and stopped at the eighth grade. All those who graduated from the 60s-1980 are the anti education gatekeepers of the workforce that I’m personally struggling with. These are the people who hate anyone with an education level above theirs. They’re offended by education unless you’re a doctor or a lawyer and they can use you. They are also anti-technology and refuse to use it. They are bullies who are socially enmeshed and always in your business. This generation of women married older men because men their age were fighting in a war. Or, they married wealthy men. Those women didn’t have to work and became bored housewives. I blame daytime soap operas for teaching these idiots their horrible social skills. They stayed home almost 24/7 except for when they were at the hair salon or shopping. They wore a lot of makeup too and nail polish contained formaldehyde. The amount of lead and toxic chemicals they were exposed to was very high. My mother was in this category from 1970-1980 when she divorced my father. Men who came home from the war were addicted to heroin and may have turned to cocaine, crack or meth. Many ended up homeless or hooked up with women for the welfare benefits. They were insanely abusive. Very few were able to adjust. Women who did not marry well, had to work cash jobs to support themselves and they might have qualified for USDA commodities and food stamps under Johnson’s War on Poverty (1964). We didn’t have welfare reform until 1996. My mother became an alcoholic and was addicted to amphetamines sold as diet pills in the 80s. We had pure meth from 1980 that my stepdad was addicted to and an explosion of brown meth from 1994 to the present. Almost this entire generation and my own Gen X either experimented or became addicted to meth. It affected Millennials too.
Child prostitution as a means of survival and CSA were common during the Depression because there was no law against it and it’s something society has difficulty grappling with. Oklahoma passed its first anti-child molestation law in 1945 after the end of WWII. I remember those old Boomer women saying that talk about sex was vulgar and those matters weren’t discussed. It was swept under the rug until 1990 when teens finally began to speak out. We had an explosion of violent rape and domestic violence in the 90s by Boomers and chauvinists who couldn’t bear to give up their right to sex on demand and beating women.
We got the Department of Education and mandatory attendance in 1980 so Gen X was the first generation to have a well rounded education since 1929. All the generations that came before us are jealous because we also got child labor laws and the statutory rape law. We’re the first generation that didn’t have to endure backbreaking work as children. We got easy jobs like paper routes, babysitting and mowing. As teenagers, farm kids hauled hay but that’s about as strenuous as it got. Many Gen Xers got pregnant young and had to drop out of school or couldn’t go to college. They had to get married and raise a family. I’m struggling with this portion of my generation being jealous as well.
I think Gen Z is the best generation because they are so far removed from the absolute hell that previous generations went through. They have the best education, the best social skills and are the most well adjusted of all the generations that came before them. Gen X just needs to teach ya’ll life skills and survival skills that you can hand down to Gen Alpha.
submitted by LadyDairhean to u/LadyDairhean [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:20 VinceyMoon AITA/Advice?! I feel awful for thinking of applying for DA visa after splitting with my narcissistic husband

Hello you lovely Spuds!
I'm an American expat living in England with my husband and our child (F7). My husband and I have been together for 8 years, our daughter was a happy accident but it took me at least 6 years to see my husband was the one I should not have kept.
For background: he is an alocholic since day 1, he made me thank him profusely for deciding to stay for the baby because he just wants to live his own life as a bohemian artist, he made us late for our own baby shower because he screamed at me and threw food at me for 2 hours in a parking lot because I bought him some Mcdonalds breakfast due to him being newly wasted at 9am, he proposed to me because his dad was visiting and wanted him to be proud of him - and when he saw his dad was drunk and missed it he got so angry and made us all go home - and then forgot he even proposed, (for the record, I didn't say yes because his friends were pouring beer on us and I wasn't sure I wanted to marry him but he told everyone I said yes and I wasn't capable of standing up for myself at the time). The day of our wedding I wore black and watched a zombie film in the bath haha that's not part of the story just something I'll always remember as symbolic. Of course he was wasted for our family meal reception and kept trying to dry hump his male friend which was weird, but ok. Then ruined seeing Phantom of the Opera for our honeymoon and then admitted to sleeping with his ex when I was newly pregnant (that he repeatedly told me I was crazy for thinking he'd sleep with that 'expletive expletive'). It gets a lot worse for about 3 years while we were in separate countries and waiting on a visa for me as our daughter and I visited a few times for a few months. Lots of binged weekends where he would be gone for days doing various illicit substances and lots of alcohol.
Fast forward to about a year ago and we al live together in England, still having binge days and sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good. the final straw was last March when I had mentioned I might go to a mums-night-out as I didn't feel like I had many friends at the time in England, and he said "I can deal with you being a shit wife but I can't deal with you being a shit mother" because my daughter didn't want me to be gone. Later he told me he only said it to hurt me. The moment he said that to me was the moment everything I was holding onto just died. I'm a massive planner and decided to learn what I actually want out of my life and how to make my own choices and have significantly leveled up since then, I made a 110 page life plan that broke down my life into 13 categories - I was serious about change. I watched "how to talk to narcisstist" videos and stopped allowing him to talk down to me and drive conversations in circles. It was last March when I made this shift and I've just managed to move out last weekend! In that year, he broke my fridge, ruined my bed because he doesn't shower, and shattered my oven glass door because "I made him angry by telling my friends about the situation and making him look bad." He never bought anything because he doesn't work, and the money he does get from his art doesn't go into the family or home. Oh also, I'm his second marriage as he has a case in the states against him for DV but said he only hit her back "in self defence" and he is a wonderful storyteller, clearly. I know, I'm an idiot.
ALL THAT BEING SAID, my visa relies on being married to him and I now have to urgently choose to pay £5k to apply as a parent to my English daughter and will be restarting the whole 5 year visa process which will end in over £10k -or- I could apply for the Domestic Abuse visa which in the long run is waaaaay better for me and my daughter but he would know I did that and would be so angry as he's told me off for "playing the victim" when I reported him to the police and social workers needed to get involved. Since this new year we've had a mostly good relationship as we live completely separate lives and have agreements where our daughter is involved. I feel awful because his parents have helped me so much throughout the visa process and with getting my English license and a car, and until last week I lived in a granny annexe in his mothers back garden with him. I feel like if I apply for DA then its like a slap in the face to his family for everything they've done for me and could potentially isolate myself and my daughter from family in the UK. They know about his character but choose not to acknowledge it and think we just need work things out. I also feel like as it wasn't physical abuse that I am sort of "playing the victim" and shouldn't deserve to apply for it. I don't want to bring my daughter back home to the states as I'm very happy with the safety and quality of life here for her compared to where I'm from, also I'm not even sure if I could as I'd be then taking her away from her dad and english family and friends.
Am I the asshole for wanting to make this massive decision that would then legally label him as an abuser (in the UK) as it would be the most beneficial route for me and my daughter?
Lastly- I am receiving professional support and not relying on internet crowdsourcing support, I'm just so stressed and nervous and there are massive time gaps with the professional support where I 120% overthink these things!!!
submitted by VinceyMoon to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:20 chanma50 'Back To Black' Review Thread

I will continue to update this post as reviews come in.
Rotten Tomatoes: Rotten
Critics Consensus: Back to Black's sympathetic approach to its subject's story is an overdue antidote to the tabloid treatment she often received in life, even if the end results are disappointingly pedestrian.
Score Number of Reviews Average Rating
All Critics 36% 69 4.50/10
Top Critics 38% 24 4.50/10
Metacritic: 49 (18 Reviews)
Sample Reviews:
The film’s snaky on-and-off power begins with the British actor Marisa Abela, whose lead performance nails Amy Winehouse in every look, mood, utterance, and musical expression. - Owen Gleiberman, Variety
Back to Black is, like its heroine, flawed and fallible but frequently very affecting. - Leslie Felperin, Hollywood Reporter
Tells the story of Amy Winehouse but shows no passion in telling it and has nothing to say about the events that transpire. It’s the utter minimum of what a biopic can be. - William Bibbiani, TheWrap
There are other, tougher, bleaker ways to put Winehouse’s life on screen – but Abela conveys her tenderness, and perhaps most poignantly of all her youth, so tellingly at odds with that tough image and eerily mature voice. 4/5 - Peter Bradshaw, Guardian
There are moments when Abela disappears and Winehouse bursts on to the screen, like a magic eye picture blinked fleetingly into focus. But the film is wildly uneven and prone to catastrophic misjudgments. 2/5 - Wendy Ide, Observer (UK)
Because of the cautious gloss, the film is perhaps less enlightening or truly tragic than it might have been. 3/5 - Tim Robey, Daily Telegraph (UK)
The final scene, in particular, with its completely and utterly baseless, sensationalist implications, made me physically gasp in horror. 1/5 - Hamish Macbain, London Evening Standard
The ending, of course, is sad... Yet, for all its faults, the film is more celebratory than tragic. 3/5 - Ed Potton, Times (UK)
Back to Black is a fitfully enjoyable little package that will do wonders for the careers of Abela and O’Connell. But unlike Winehouse’s oeuvre, it’s not worth taking seriously. It’s just too afraid of the dark. 2/5 - Charlotte O'Sullivan, Independent (UK)
The film seems too tame, too tasteful, too frightened of alienating the fans: everything that Winehouse was not. 2/5 - Tom Shone, Times (UK)
[Amy Winehouse's] music remains in a different creative galaxy to this dispiriting film, which is at once twee and ghoulish. 2/5 - Danny Leigh, Financial Times
Sure, you will learn more – and hear more of the original recordings – in Asif Kapadia’s great documentary Amy, but Taylor-Johnson does a decent job of making a tight drama from the same tragic yarn. 3/5 - Donald Clarke, Irish Times
This is a middle-of-the road biopic about a musician who was anything but. It’s not great and it’s not terrible. 3/5 - Stephen Romei, The Australian
It has such reverence for Winehouse that it lacks the honesty the 2015 Oscar-winning documentary Amy was able to present. 2.5/5 - Wenlei Ma, The Nightly (AU)
A solid performance let down by a script that cherry-picks the facts and ultimately tells us less than we already know. Watch Asif Kapadia’s Amy instead. 2/5 - Hayley Campbell, Empire Magazine
Offers a pallid account of Winehouse’s story, ironing out some thornier issues, and bringing little that’s new, either in fresh revelations or distinctive angles on the familiar. - Jonathan Romney, Screen International
This is better than I expected (although my expectations were low). It does seem softened at the edges, and one can never forgive a falling-in-love montage set at London Zoo -- ever -- but I (mostly) didn’t cringe and it is respectful, if painful. - Deborah Ross, The Spectator
In her attempt to put the woman back at the centre of her own life, Taylor-Johnson has at least captured an addictive personality and achieved a powerful portrait of doomed love. - Kate Mossman, New Statesman
It is as salacious and cruel as any tabloid cutting from the noughties – only invested in the bloody ballet pump left in the street, not the complexities of living a very public life with addiction. 1/5 - Rogan Graham, Little White Lies
Everyone involved in the film approaches the late artist with love and respect, but its tawdry instincts and misguided sense of responsibility let her memory down. C- - Vikram Murthi, indieWire
Bizarrely, the one thematic thread that Back to Black does seek to tie its tale together with is the singer’s desire to have a child. 1.5/4 - Ross McIndoe, Slant Magazine
Like Winehouse herself, the film teeters on the edge, hovering restlessly between genre-subversive brilliance that complicates celebratory narratives about artistic genius, and well-worn, re-hashed tropes about tragic women. - Rebecca Harrison, Sight & Sound
A strong cast, in particular a stirring performance from Marisa Abela, is not enough to effectively convey the chaos and the tragedy central to the story of such a beloved artist. 2/5 - Linda Marric, HeyUGuys
Its punchlines lack punch, [but] what it does have is a frankly dynamite central turn from Marisa Abela. - Mark Kermode, Kermode and Mayo's Take (YouTube)
SYNOPSIS:
The extraordinary story of Amy Winehouse’s early rise to fame from her early days in Camden through the making of her groundbreaking album, Back to Black that catapulted Winehouse to global fame. Told through Amy’s eyes and inspired by her deeply personal lyrics, the film explores and embraces the many layers of the iconic artist and the tumultuous love story at the center of one of the most legendary albums of all time.
CAST:
DIRECTED BY: Sam Taylor-Johnson
SCREENPLAY BY: Matt Greenhalgh
PRODUCED BY: Alison Owen, Debra Hayward, Nicky Kentish-Barnes
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Sam Taylor-Johnson, Anna Marsh, Ron Halpern, Joe Naftalin
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY: Polly Morgan
EDITED BY: Martin Walsh
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: Sarah Greenwood
COSTUME DESIGNER: PC Williams
MUSIC BY: Nick Cave, Warren Ellis
MUSIC PRODUCTION BY: Giles Martin
MUSIC SUPERVISOR: Iain Cooke
CASTING BY: Nina Gold
RUNTIME: 122 Minutes
RELEASE DATE: May 17, 2024
submitted by chanma50 to boxoffice [link] [comments]


http://activeproperty.pl/